Work Text:
-for some reason a bunch of people are coming back to life
-lan zhan’s mom is back (she doesn’t want anyone to call her madam lan)
-cangse sanren is back but her child is dead and she confuse. She like “where my boi”
-angst
-she run away to baoshan sanren to cry
-no men come back bc women rule
-lan zhan is angsty when he sees his mom again
-xichen is also angsty, but not as angsty as lan zhan
-cangse sanren comes back w her brother (she must have one livin on that mountain)
-she goes to gusu to annoyed the goat
-she meets lan zhan who realizes that she is his boi’s mom
-they connect
-jiang cheng meets her and is like “what is this fuckery”
-they just look so much alike
-and act practically the same
-mama wei loveeesss a-yuan
-she like “imma grandma”
-there is just so much angst
-but it is also crack
-dead dove: do not eat
-mama wei isn’t allowed into the yungmenjiang sect and she confuse
-she almost MARRIED ya boi jiang dad
-the jin sect is a mess
-shijie is back but she like “my dudes, did you have to kill my shidi?”
-and they are like “yes, bc he was evil”
-cangse sanren says that’s not true bc she has declared that it’s not
-she is a saint
-the men have come
-daddy wei has come back and he like “wtf has my wife done”
-she made a messss
-jiang dad is back and he in love with mama wei
-madam yu does not like this
-jin zixuan is back and he is glorious
-he a good dad
-jin ling is mega overwhelmed
-bitch face meng yao or whatever has been caught for being a traitor
-he dead
-jin zixuan has taken his place
-jiang wanyin is ON THE EDGE
-he waitin for his big bro to come back from the dead, but does he?
-maybe, maybe not
-that weird angst child does not sacrifice himself
-instead our boi comes back from the dead in his hot bod
-he goes to wangji and is like”yo”
-but then he realizes that his dead MOM and DAD are there
-he is shook
-mama wei and mama lan have bonded
-they are now sworn sisters
-they pledge that their children will marry
-like that will be hard
-xichen is lonely
-but he aint got nobody
-jin ling has met a-yuan and is in love
-the other lan kid thinks it’s disgusting
-jinchi? Maybe?
-it’s a gay fest
-madam yu has left and has gone to be with jin zixuan’s mom
-they are now in love
-haha just kidding...xichen gets some action
-jiang cheng is lonely and goes to stay the night in gusu
-he thinks that xichen’s rooms are his
-he drunk
-they fuck
-only xichen remembers
-ha! More angst
-jiang cheng is like “why my butt sore?”
-he thinks he tripped
-what a cutie
-he tripped and something went right up his butthole
-oops
-mama wei wants to get to know her son
-they drink together
-they act exactly the same as they do sober
-like mother like son
-mama lan can actually handle some booze
-so not like mother like son
-jin ling and a-yuan are married and have done the bonk
-little angst kid has taken up a career in make up and mask making
-everyone loves him except the entire jin sect
-what is stuck up their but?
-they aint jiang cheng so it can’t be xichen’s dick
-or could it? He is having a secret affair on a relationship that doesn’t exist
-he so extra
-better not let hanguang-jun find out bc he will punish you
-don’t wanna be punished by your little bro for you sexual adventures?
-become a monk (or a nun, we don’t judge)
-there is just so much angst
-but also: like none
-but a ton
-mama wei is pregnant again.. But is it wei dad’s? No!
-it’s mama lan’s
-they cultivators, they figure it out
-suddenly the gays have the same sister
-what a scandal
-ultimate step siblings fantasy
-i hope that works out for them
-of course it will, they wangxian
-they have their own song
-not the taylor swift song, although that would be HILARIOUS
-lan zhan goes to bed at 9:01 and has decided he is a failure
-wei ying says “nooo, you’re not! I’ve never gone to bed before 9 and i’m not a failure, am i?”
-lan zhan hesitates before saying “no”
-wei ying is sad because now he knows he is a failure
-mama wei has realized that she made a mistake
-now there is a girl with the exact personality of lan zhan
-but she sometimes becomes a crazy child
-only when she needs to be good
-she a demon
-oh no!!!
-xichen’s affair with everyone was leaked to everyone
-they all mad
-they thought they be the only one
-what a deviant
-lan zhan aint happy
-enter hanguang-jun
-he tell xichen to get his shit together and check to see if he has an STI
-who knows
-he slept with meng yao didn’t he?
-that bitch fucked his sister
-so who knows
-the whole jin sect is one big STI
-did syphilis come from the americas or from the jin sect?
-we shall never know
-are everyone in the jin sect related?
-incest is wincest?
-if you can’t keep it in your pants, keep it in the family?
-maybe xichen should follow that rule
-although as wangxian are so loyal to each other that would leave him with the goat
-ewwww
-imagine being told not to make sound while fucking
-imagine being told not to talk during rimming bc you eatin some ass
-food is not spoken
-okay, done with the weird images of xichen and lan qiren fucking
-that weird porn and fan Nie boy meets little angst boy
-they fall in love
-and this time Nie boy doesn’t convince little angst boy to sacrifice himself
-he now has standards
-he beautiful, he deserves to be loved
-poor boy
-suddenly our QUEEN Wen doctor lady has cometh
-she magically gives the lesser half of wangxian his golden core back
-but jiang cheng still has his?
-are they sharing a golden core now?
-omg
-soulmates!!!!
-but they siblings…
-not blood related tho
-i can’t
-i can’t mess with the perfection that is wangxian
-i couldn’t do that to lan zhan
-he can’t take any more pain
-he needs a hug
-but only from wei ying
-y’all know he doesn’t like to be touched by anyone but his wife
-they find an incense burner
-what is up with that???
-lan zhan has a DIRTY mind
-holy shit
-but it somehow isn’t rapey enough for wei ying
-he wants to be crying begging
-but aint he like that every night?
-everyday is everyday
-if you haven’t read the book this might be hella confusing
-read the book y’all
-mamma wei comes to town with new weird demonic sister and stays with the boys for a few weeks
-quiet fucking
-it honestly might not be possible with how much of a screamer wei ying is
-they are just so in love
-but also those hot bods…
-jiang cheng confronts xichen
-”so you were fucking someone else?”
-”I cannot believe you”
-”you fucking played me”
-”did you not like the bondage with zidian?”
-”cuz i fuckin loved it”
-they fuck again
-do they use xichen’s flute thing for some naughty things?
-that is up for you to decide
-since papa wei has been abandoned by his wife he goes to gusu
-where she is, but that doesn’t matter
-he breaks into the goats rooms
-they fuck?
-he just really likes that goatee
-it so hot
-it would be so sad if it was shaved off in the middle of the night
-”CANGSE SANREN YOU GET BACK HERE”
-”no yelling in the cloud recesses”
-”HOW FUCKING DARE YOU”
-”no cursing in the cloud recesses”
-”STOP RECITING MY OWN RULES AT ME”
-he broke the rules
-hanguang-jun gotta punish him
-he gotta copy the rules ten time while doing a headstand supervised by cangse sanren
-absolute hell for him
-but at least papa wei is there to listen to him complain later
-papa wei gets pregnant
-they cultivators, they figure it out
-they have a brother now!!
-not demonic
-but boy is he annoying
-”that’s against the rules, you are a disgrace to our family”
-you know he was talking to wei ying
-lan zhan is not afraid to punch his own little brother
-he never questions wei ying again
-the end?