Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Grow as you may, like a sweet summer day
Know this collar will stay just the same
“I’m hurting and bleed, I need more to feed,”
“Get people, more people,” the choker would scream
I am the best in my class they attest
I’m a boy far above all the rest
Far better than those two, better than all you
People, oh people! Look only at me!

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POV Kokichi Ouma

Life has no meaning. We all just drift on this useless planet, waiting for death to save us from the agonizing torture of life. I'll end all this one day, soon. I deserve to die, but I deserve to go through all the pain people throw at me. So I've decided to die in grief, I'll let them name call, I'll let them beat me, I'll let them relentlessly punish me for existing. Over, and over, and over, and over. Like I'm some kind of game. Who can drive the one and only Kokichi Ouma to suicide? There's only one answer. Only you can drive yourself to that. And I've decided to let myself.

For 8 years of my life, people have always told me "Stop talking" so I obeyed. People think it's a sob story, poor Kokichi Ouma was verbally abused so badly that he became mute. I didn't utter one single word since that day. I chose not to speak, I gave them what they wanted, yet they still came after me. "Why aren't you talking?" "That's annoying." "Speak like a normal person." "Ha, you use sign language?"
"I know you can talk, say something before I beat your ass." Still I stayed silent. Not until DICE unraveled did I speak. 7 members. 7 members dead. There are only 3 of us now but Nazumi moved. Ever since she left us to move to the US I started to communicate by voice again.

The only way for me to let her go was to say goodbye. It was a sappy moment, the type that you think you would find in a hallmark movie or something. It's just me and Chisa now. We live together in a storage unit not too far from school. DICE was a group of broken orphans and run aways, we came so far to be free only to find out life is never gonna give up on finding ways to harm us. It made me come to a realization, you can't trust anyone, not even your closest friends. People will always find a way to desert you. Which is why I'm tired of it, tired of everything, tired of living. By now I'm just a souless puppet, you can tell me what to do, you can tell me where to go, I wouldn't care, I doubt my heart would know anyway, it's gotten so used to pain. I won't let people know though, I can't be helped, it's too late for that. So I pretend, I hide under a mask of deception, I mislead them, the outwards appearance I seem to be is all fiction.

Lies are my only friend. The only thing I depend on. Well, that and panta. Which is why I'm ending it all in 2 weeks, on my birthday. The perfect birthday present, the solution to all my problems.
"-chi?" It's a shame I have to wait, I'd love to just disappear right here, right now. "KOKICHI!" Wh- oh, it's just Saihara. Guess I was lost in thought. "Kokichi, what are you doing?!" I became aware of the position I was in. I was on the roof of the school at the edge of the railings, staring down at the ground with a longing gaze. I turned around and put on my facade. "Nishishi no need to panic Shu, just enjoying the view." He still seemed skeptical but let it go. "Well, break is almost over, let's head back to class." I sighed and followed him back down. Too bad I won't get to spend anymore time with Shuichi, he was the only other person whose presence I can stand.

Luckily I sit next to him, I can take in the view for 2 more weeks. He doesn't need me anyways, I'm not even his friend, he's just nice to me out of pity. Saihara is the only one here who knows about my past, he had to deliver student files to the office once and mine just had to slip out for him to peek at. Haha, no one here even tried to get to know me, if they did he wouldn't be the only one who knows about my life as a silenced existence who just let all of the abuse happen. I hate pity, because it's not the same thing as actually caring. "Alright class today you'll be working on a project, your partner is the person seated next to you." Well, that's just great. I have to work with Mr.Pretty Eyes.

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Saihara turned towards me smiling. "Wow looks like we get to be partners on this hehe..." I just rolled my eyes at him, what does he have to be so optimistic about? The teacher got everyone's concentration focused on her once again. "Alright, you and your comrade will consider whether you'll study a book on dystopian society, fractured fairytales, or sci fi. You have 15 minutes to discuss your options before lunch." I turned to Saihara who was still smiling. Hah, what an airhead. "Soooo, what type of story are you into Conan Edogawa? Some of that Sci Fi alien shit for your conspiracy theories?" He looked at me and blinked. He had a slight blush and seemed frankly offended. "Just because I'm a detective in training doesn't mean I'm like Detective Conan. And anyways I thought maybe we could do fractured fairytales." I beamed at him teasingly "I didn't know you were into kids stories that ended up having some dark, twisted ending." He huffed his breath at me. "Not all fairytales are kids stories, but if you don't want to then fine, we'll choose something else." It was my turn to sigh now. "Jeez, no need to get all offended, we'll do fractured fairytales, I'm A Okay with that." Ms.Yakizawa clapped her hands at us to quiet us down. "It's time for lunch, get out of my classroom now, I'm hungry af."

Class ended sooner than I expected, most likely because I spend most of my time daydreaming in class rather than actually paying attention. Everyone scattered in the hallways as we walked to lunch and I overheard a conversation that kinda brightened my day. "Listen, I like you, I have a crush on you. You're pretty, I'm pretty we could rule the school. what do you say? Wanna go out?" ... "I- Sorry but I'm not into people who only like others for their looks, also known as shallow people, also known as people like you." And just like that he strode away from her, she was in complete shock, it was hilarious. Don't get me wrong I'm not a sadist or mean or anything. I don't like her and she don't like me. It's as simple as that. Kaede Akamatsu had just gotten rejected. Kaede Fucking Akamatsu. And by Shuichi Saihara, that's a riot, serves her right for being such a Queen Bee Bitch. The way he did was priceless too. She turned around and saw me smirking. Oh shit. Atua help me, I might just die before I even planned to. Akamatsu ran up to me and slapped me in the face. HARD. I fell to the ground, holy shit what was this girl eating, that felt like a brick was just thrown at me. Instinctively I put my hand up to my cheek.

"What the hell Akamatsu?!" I whined at her, but I probably deserved that for leering at her while she got denied a date. She just scowled and scoffed at me. "God, you're such a disgusting little bitch, do you think anyone likes you?" Pff no. But I kept that inside my head. "I'll see you after school you piece of shit." She kicked me once more and strutted away. "DUDE, ARE YOU OKAY?" A familiar voice rang as I felt myself being pulled of the ground.

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Hey! It's me. I didn't think this would reach so many views. Thank you so so much for reading my content. I know I haven't updated in such a long time, and it took a long time for it to update as well. Apologies. I've been a bit busy with catching up on school work this past year. But It's summer now! Which means I've a plethora of time to sort this out and plot the story. Again, sorry for keeping you guys waiting for so long! Love you, and keep being you and trying your best!