Chapter Text

One morning when Katarina Claes was eight years old, she woke up and proceeded to die thirty-seven times.

Confused, terrified, and trying desperately to shake the increasingly graphic images of her deaths from her head, Katarina found herself standing in a dark, formless void.

“Good morning,” said a voice from somewhere deep in the darkness.

“Good morning,” echoed a chorus of what sounded like dozens of voices surrounding Katarina on all sides.

Katarina had never thought much on whether or not she was brave (really, she had mostly thought about sweets, clothes, and very recently, how to go spend time with Prince Jeord), but she would not let monstrous creatures in the dark make her look like a whimpering, shivering fool.

After all, Katarina may or may not have been brave, but she was a Claes.

So, chin up and head high, Katarina stood tall as dozens of shadowed shapes emerged from the darkness. As they drew closer, she realized that they all appeared to be shrouded in hooded cloaks and Katarina wondered how her family had angered someone powerful enough to gather a coven of magicians to torture her.

As they suddenly stopped in place, Katarina realized that they had formed a perfect circle around her. Was she… was she going to be some kind of sacrifice?

She had just managed to become engaged to the most gorgeous prince in the world! No one was going to steal her happy future from her!

“We have no intention of stealing your happy future from you, Katarina,” said one of the voices.

As one, all of the figures removed their cloaks from the heads.

“After all,” said the circle in chorus, “we are you.”

“Thirty-seven deaths,” said Katarina, staring at these beautiful women who were, undoubtedly, older versions of herself each wearing a large number on the back of her cloak.

“Probably more,” said Katarina 20 (death by Jeord’s sword).

“Definitely more,” she corrected herself, “but these were the ones that we felt would be… most useful.”

“After all,” said Katarina 2 (death by half-brother’s accidental earth magic), “we would like at least one of us to live beyond the age of twenty.”

“You mean,” said Katarina, already feeling numb as memories and emotions and horrifying pain slowly blended itself into her mind, “there isn’t a single one of you who lived longer than twenty?”

“Katarina 35 was probably the closest,” said Katarina 2, “but she’s still traumatized, so it’s best not to talk to her yet.”

“How? Why?” said Katarina, too numb to scream or throw a tantrum or do anything but feel the shock spread through her.

“We drive people into murderous rages,” said Katarina 20, who seemed to be informally chairing the gathering of Katarinas.

“But we’re the perfect Duke’s daughter and all your memories show that we trained perfectly as a future queen!” said Katarina.

“And none of it matters,” said Katarina 2, “if we can’t convince people to not murder us.”

All of the Katarinas nodded as one and the terrified Katarina in the centre stared around at each of them in turn.

“We made commemorative jewellery to help you remember our fates,” said Katarina 7 (death by Jeord’s valet). Each of the Katarinas were indeed wearing a large brooch with a stylized depiction of their death.

Katarina, who had been slowly walking around the circle, looked more closely at Katarina 32’s brooch and winced.

“We are able to share our deaths with you and have you learn how we died, but there is still more we have to share and aid you in surviving. However, we can’t do this without your permission and time is already short. If we are to prevent the worst of our fates, we need to complete this before you become engaged to Prince Jeord,” said Katarina 20.

“But I’m already engaged to Prince Jeord?” said Katarina.

Half of the circle said some very unladylike words that Katarina filed to the back of her mind for later use.

“No matter,” said Katarina 20, “we are smart enough to work even at that kind of disadvantage, but I’m putting the person in charge of the timing of our arrival-”

Here she glared at Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain) and then turned back to Katarina “-on notice. We can’t afford any more mistakes, ladies.”

“No mistakes!” shouted the Katarinas.

Katarina was sufficiently shaken to agree to whatever these women wanted. The deaths she had seen were-

“It will get worse,” said Katarina 20. “I’m so sorry, dearheart.”

“What do you need?” said Katarina.

“In order to survive, we can’t just share the deaths with you. You will need to know everything.”

Katarina shuddered. She was still in pain from the violent nature of the deaths she had experienced, but she raised her head and thrust out her chin.

“Show me,” said Katarina.

Then everything vanished.

paindeathsomuchpainhatehatehatewhyfatherwhyturnawayasidiesmileasireachoutpainhatehate

I’m glad you’re gone.

Katarina surfaced with the sheer, malevolent hatred on her beloved Jeord’s face as he ran his sword through her body.

“It can’t be true,” she said. “It can’t be.”

“Oh dearest,” said Katarina 20, gathering the much smaller Katarina into her arms. “Why do you think we returned for you?”

It took some time and the death of whatever foolish dreams Katarina had harboured, but finally she was composed, a sharpened blade ready to cut through the information presented to her.

There were so many deaths.

All of the deaths presented to her were murder.

So, so many people were involved.

Nearly everyone that Katarina knew in this life and nearly everyone she would know in the future had assisted or looked on as she was brutally killed in at least one life.

Sometimes it was nobles that she had befriended.

Sometimes it was nobility that she hadn’t yet met.

Sometimes it was commoners that she met in the towns.

Sometimes it was tutors or royalty or knights of the kingdom.

Sometimes it was a maid or a footman.

In one very strange case at the academy, it was a dark figure that Katarina never quite saw, but everyone else was also dying in that situation so she was honestly less hurt by the death.

Her parents… Katarina tried not to think about the deaths involving her parents. She had not even realized there was a line she could cross.

She did now.

Katarina did not allow any emotions to overwhelm her because, above all else, Katarina wanted to survive.

She did not know why she had been granted such invaluable foresight, but the minds of several dozen fused Katarinas were a formidable force indeed. They all, universally, agreed on two things.

Firstly, that in order to live beyond her twentieth birthday, some changes would be necessary.

Secondly, that they should have taken more advantage of the dessert trays when they had the chance.

“After all,” said Katarina 15 (death by strangulation from a footman), “we no longer have to impress Prince Jeord with our self-denial. What a waste of millefeuille!”

“Attention,” said Katarina 20. “Now we can state our full purpose to our dear companion.”

“In order to provide the best chance of survival, we the best and strongest of the past Katarinas have returned to form the Council of Katarinas,” said Katarina 20. “We will help the true Katarina, the best of us all, reach your twentieth birthday!”

Katarina felt a strange burning in her eyes as she bowed to the cheering Katarinas. She raised her head with a fierce light in her eyes. “I will be worthy of the faith you place in me!”

“That said,” said Katarina 2, squinting at the long list in front of her. “We need to get down to business.”

There were so many deaths that it was decided that overcoming them would be tackled in pieces. The most urgent of the situations were the ones addressed immediately.

“While we have come back to assist you,” said Katarina 20, “as mentioned, there were other deaths. Many of them were quite similar to the ones before you. In particular, there were a few deaths that seemed to keep repeating very frequently.”

There were several figures who loomed largely in these repeating deaths, most of whom Katarina had never met.

Her half-brother Keith Claes’ murders were all accidents but largely seemed to be his magic spiraling out of control in response to some curly-haired woman he was dating. “He dated a lot of women,” sniffed Katarina 2. “I’m sorry I can’t be of more assistance.”

Since Katarina was going to meet Keith shortly, the Council tabled any decisions about to handle him until they actually knew more of what they were facing. None of the Katarinas remembered much of the childhood of their bastard half-brother. Honestly, Katarina was more upset at the incontrovertible proof that her father was a horrible person who had deserted her and Millidiana, her mother.

Nicol Ascart was the son of the prime minister, and as tremblingly revealed by Katarina 29 and Katarina 30, known as the “devilish earl” once he reached adulthood. Both of his deaths were not directly caused by Nicol, but Katarina had no intention of going anywhere near him. After seeing what he could plan when given the opportunity, Katarina didn’t want to be on his bad side. Katarina didn’t want to be on his good side. Katarina just wanted to be several continents away from Nicol Ascart. She still wasn’t sure what had set him off for either of the truly creative and devilish deaths, but it apparently had something to do with a light magic user that he loved that Katarina humiliated at the Ministry of Magic.

“So avoidance,” said Katarina, nodding her head. It should be simple enough to never come into contact with Nicol, wouldn’t it? After all, Katarina had no intention of being on the same continent post-graduation and would have no opportunity to interact with the Ministry of Magic.

Prince Alan Stuart tended to murder Katarina after their time together at the country’s premier academy, often at a public event and mostly because she had offended someone dear to him. Fortunately, dealing with him would be relatively simple.

If Katarina befriended Lady Mary, the prince’s fiancée, the prince should have no reason to be irritated with her. In addition to avoiding offence in the first place, they were quite devoted to one another and the prince would be more likely to see what he and Katarina had in common if she was close to his dearest person. After all, if there were any two people who knew what it was like to suffer in Prince Jeord’s shadow, it should be the two of them. Still, Katarina couldn’t shake the memory of the cold expression on his face as he pierced her heart with the ice crystal.

Katarina frowned. But her death hadn’t been because of Lady Mary had it? Katarina had offended someone else? Katarina 18 (death by ice crystal) shrugged. “I wasn’t really paying attention. In that life, Prince Alan was with some blonde commoner and not Lady Mary.”

Jeord was…

Jeord was…

In every life, no matter how other relationships changed, Katarina had ceaselessly unchangingly focused on winning the love of the third prince of Sorcier, Jeord Stuart. In every life, even if Katarina remained his fiancée (Katarina 20 said that he had moved on with some woman named Maria when he stabbed her), her engagement was-

“I really can’t love him,” said Katarina.

“No,” said Katarina 20 gently.

“He hates me,” said Katarina. “In every life where he’s near enough to see… He’s happy when I die.”

The Council’s silence was more than answer enough.

“He spends years,” said Katarina, her fists shaking, “using me to keep other women away while making me look like the worst kind of fool.”

She raised her head hopefully. “Can I kill him? Wouldn’t that prevent-”

“No,” said the Council.

Katarina’s shoulders fell.

“But,” said Katarina 20 soothingly, “if you just stay away from him until the reason he agreed to the engagement fades you may be able to catch him sufficiently off-guard that he would agree to end the engagement.”

Katarina touched her scarred forehead, her face blooming into a smile. “Of course! If he already hates me, he’ll be glad to be rid of me!”

Fortunately, she didn’t see the other Katarinas exchange worried glances.

“So what do all of these frequent murders have in common?” said Katarina 2 hastily, pushing her glasses up her face.

“They are all caused by men!” cheered out the Katarina council.

Men, apparently, were all murderous creatures, thought Katarina.

“Obviously, the solution is to flee the country and to limit my acquaintance only to women and pets,” said Katarina. “I will need to cultivate pets and lady friends as soon as possible.”

It would be a life devoid of romance, but she was sure that she could convince some kind lady friend to have frequent sleepovers!

“Is there anything else I should know?” said Katarina.

“There is one more death that we thought might be useful,” said Katarina 20, “but I think that is best saved for an absolute emergency.”

The circle almost sounded ghostly as a chorus of Katarina 38 went up around the Katarinas.

Katarina shivered involuntarily and tried to refocus on Katarina 20 who banged a suddenly appearing gavel to gain the Katarinas’ attention.

“So what have we learned?” said Katarina 20.

“We are unlovable,” said the Council of Katarinas in chorus. “No matter what we do, the people we love will betray us.”

“But?” prompted Katarina 20. The Council spoke as one voice. “We are smart and strong and capable of tricking people into tolerating us until we can flee somewhere warm with good desserts!”

“And pets and lady friends,” said Katarina 19 (death by tree). “And pets and lady friends,” said the rest of the Council.

“So it is decided,” said the Council. “So shall it be.”

Katarina bolted upright in her bed as a terrified maid opened her curtains. “G-good morning, your ladyship.”

“Yes,” said Katarina, as a smile slowly spread across her face. “It will be.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: The First Miscalculation (Keith Remix)

Katarina Claes was not particularly fond of the outdoors.

The outdoors had dirt and sun and… dogs.

However, she had enough self-awareness to realize that sitting in extended conversation with the voices in her head was probably going to cause some level of difficulty if she was noticed.

To that end, she gingerly crouched behind a large bush (a bush!) and got down to business.

The Council of Katarinas was made up of diverse Katarinas with diverse experiences and diverse ages related to their age at time of death. In spite of this, all of the Katarinas were pleased to note that they had a great deal of wisdom and understanding in common.

They hadn’t even had to think very hard to realized that leaving the country as soon as they graduated the Sorcier Academy was their best chance at survival.

“Countries outside of Sorcier have very little magic,” said Katarina 20 (death by stabbing by a sadistic former fiancé cursed be his name). “So what does that mean?”

“Fewer ways to kill us!” cheered the Katarina Council.

“We can plan an exit strategy later. Right now, we need to begin to prepare to survive the world outside of Sorcier,” said Katarina 30 (death too awful to mention as planned by Nicol Ascart).

“And you know that means,” said Katarina 20.

“Lessons!” cheered the Council.

Katarina did not like lessons.

“Improve our magic for defense and profit!”

Katarina was clever and smart and strong enough she did not need to have more awful tutors and instructors who all hated and glared at her anyways.

“Learn how to run a business and destroy our opponents in the market!”

Katarina started talking to the Council to tell them so but…

“Speak lots of languages to increase our chances to meet non-murderous lady friends!”

they just…

“Learn how to fight off cabbages!”

…ignored her?

Katarina was not impressed and opened her mouth to start throwing a very powerful fit.

“No temper tantrums!” The entire Katarina Council frowned at Katarina, who resisted the urge to bow her head.

Then, as one, they broke into incredibly disturbing looking smiles. “There are much better ways to make people’s lives miserable.”

“And you’ll teach me?” said Katarina her eyes lighting up.

“Oh dearest,” said Katarina 20, “we’ll teach you everything.”

Having realized that her new survival lessons would also come with instruction on how to rule everyone around her with an iron fist, Katarina was much more tolerant of the additional work.

That led to an even more immediate concern.

“One of our biggest issues is the servants,” said Katarina 15 (death by strangulation from a footman). “We can’t protect ourselves every hour of the day and, obviously, the lower gentry who make up the house servants decided that we were the perfect target for larger political games.”

“To put it simply,” said Katarina 14 (death by a maid’s garrote), “we need to get them on our side and we need at least one personal maid who won’t constantly attempt to kill us.”

“Beauty sleep is important,” said the Council.

“There was one maid who didn’t try to murder us at some point in our future. I believe that her name was Anne,” said Katarina 2 (death by Keith’s accidental earth magic). She pushed up her glasses. “Unfortunately, in about a year and a half, her natural father will return and force her to marry one of the worst men in the kingdom.”

“Men,” spit out the Katarina Council.

“If we save her from Men, she could be our first lady friend!” said Katarina 9 (death by theatre club) dreamily.

The older Katarinas exchanged glances.

“Or,” said Katarina 29 (death by -redacted- courtesy of Nicol Ascart), “she may not have been at the estate long enough to attempt to murder us in the first place. We have no way of knowing.”

“Well,” said Katarina 2, thoughtfully, “if we avoid her until we have leverage, we will have no way of offending her. If her only knowledge of us is that we saved her from misery, she’ll have to tolerate us, correct?”

“Absolutely!” chorused the Katarinas.

“Motion tabled until closer to the event,” said Katarina 20, banging her gavel.

“Before we address the imminent introduction of Murderer One, one Keith Claes,” said Katarina 2, “it is only fair that we let our darling know that she does have a little time to get some beauty rest.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina.

“As far as we can tell,” said Katarina 20, “none of the murders that we have encountered have occurred before we reached the age of 15 and entered That Place.”

“You mean…” said Katarina.

“It was like nothing we did mattered until we entered the Academy of Magic and then BLAM!” said Katarina 6 (death by cafeteria food), pounding her fist into her hand.

“So you have a few years,” said Katarina 20, “but that makes it even more vital that we lay the groundwork for your defense. Think of it as battle preparations.”

Katarina felt a cold chill run down the back of her spine, but by the time she had refocused, the Council was already discussing, and largely dismissing, Keith Claes.

“None of us remember what he was like as a child,” said Katarina 2. “So it is important that you get access to him immediately before the household can poison him against us and find out what he is truly like.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina.

“I don’t know,” said Katarina 20 with long suffering sigh. “Find out what he likes and see if his personality means that he will likely kill us in the future? Honestly, that vulgar playboy was such a black mark on the Claes family that I’d rather not do anything at all, but we might as well see what he’s like before we make a plan. At least, let’s try not to be a target of his giant stones.”

“On the other hand,” said Katarina 7 (death by Jeord’s valet), “we do have a truly pressing concern. You have not sent any invitations to the palace, have you?

Katarina frowned. “No, but why do you want to know?”

Katarina 7 sighed. “While many of the deaths have repeats and occur frequently, only one man was directly or indirectly connected to over half of our deaths, including the ones not represented on the Council.”

“Jeord Stuart,” said the Council as a single voice.

“Accept no invitations from him. Send no invitations to him. Avoid him at any events you might share in common. The most important thing right now is to make absolutely no contact with Jeord Stuart,” said Katarina 20.

“That’s right,” said Katarina 5 (death by giant pile of cabbage). “He never, ever contacted us if we didn’t initiate it first. If we don’t reach out until we can dissolve the engagement, I bet he’ll forget we exist!”

The older Katarinas exchanged unreadable glances and Katarina 20 cleared her throat. “Be that as it may, not contacting Jeord should buy us some time. If nothing else, we need to determine how to handle Murderer One before we bring Jeord into the mix.”

Katarina nodded decisively. Murderer One, otherwise known as Keith Claes, wasn’t going to know what hit him.

As Katarina descended the stairs to meet with her new “brother”, she carefully went over her plans in her head.

Katarina 27 (death by poison left in her drink courtesy of Jeord’s oldest brother) had developed a system of cataloguing her expressions in order to better improve their effectiveness prior to her untimely death. The Council of Katarinas unanimously agreed that this was an excellent idea and decided to use her extensive research to grant them a headstart on hopefully convincing people to not murder them until Katarina could flee the country.

Keith and Luigi Claes were going to her first vic- … test subjects for their effectiveness.

As Luigi (not Father, never Father), babbled on about something, Katarina smiled and nodded her head as if she actually cared what he was saying. She didn’t even bother looking at the small child beside him, because she was going to get to do enough of that very soon.

She was so disinterested that it took her nearly a minute to realize, to her horror, that Luigi was planning to take the boy away from her to “rest”. She couldn’t let him escape! She needed to see what he was like and make a plan before he was contaminated by the rest of the household!

Katarina smiled at Luigi with Expression 22 Determination and Innocent Interest. “I am so excited to meet Keith. Couldn’t we just spend a little time together before he has to rest?”

To her contempt, and Katarina 27’s excitement, he folded like a damp towel.

Within minutes, Katarina had a surprisingly delicate little hand in her grasp and was dragging the boy out to “see the garden”.

It was much better if there were no witnesses for what she was about to do.

Using Expression 78 Laughter of Joviality, Katarina turned over her shoulder towards Keith, and felt whatever words she was about to say die in her throat.

The sun was silhouetting a round, cherubic face with angelic curls and the largest, saddest eyes Katarina had ever seen.

He was beautiful.

Feeling oddly shy, Katarina forced herself to return to the plan. “So Keith, what do you like to do?”

The boy ducked his head and mumbled something indistinct.

Katarina sighed and tried again. “Murder, Keith. Do you enjoy murder?”

Keith looked like he was going to burst into tears.

Katarina frowned. This might be harder than she thought.

After a few minutes, Katarina and Keith were sprawled on the ground behind a tree and Katarina was questioning her life choices. She had decided that asking the boy questions was useless, but he seemed oddly enthralled by her descriptions of all the ways she convinced people to do what she wanted them to do, if his unblinking staring at her face was any indication.

She’d even managed to get him to shyly admit that he did like it when bad things happened to bad people, which made her grimly determined to make sure he never thought of her as a bad person.

As he relaxed, he told her a surprisingly entertaining story of his own that revealed a wicked sense of humour that Katarina found unexpectedly appealing. He was a smart boy who was fun to talk to. Katarina started to feel the beginning of an idea of to how to work with him come together.

When it looked like all conversation was going to dry up, Katarina said, “So Keith, I am so excited to have you here. We are going to have so much fun together! I’m very glad that you came to our home.”

Keith looked doubtful.

Katarina put on Expression 13 Gentle Look of Reassurance and Sincerity.

Keith looked even more doubtful. (‘Back to the drawing board,’ sighed Katarina 27.)

“Why are you being nice to me? What do you want from me?” said Keith.

Katarina couldn’t help a reluctant, unnumbered smile forming. Keith had never been stupid and she couldn’t help remembering his normally cold, lazily calculating eyes brightening when she presented him a challenge.

This Keith didn’t have that coldness, but there was still something there underneath the suspicion, something she couldn’t help remembering in her own eyes when she tried to get Jeord to spare a moment of his time.

The problem was, she didn’t know how to answer his question in a way that wouldn’t leave him resentful and likely to later lash out at her.

She didn’t want Keith to misunderstand- the memory of being ground into the dust by his powers was still too fresh in her mind. For the first time in what would soon become many times, Katarina paused and carefully considered her words.

“I don’t want a brother,” said Katarina. Seeing the way Keith’s face began to change, she frantically began to wave her hands. “Please don’t misunderstand.”

Keith rose and, shoulders hunched, started shuffling back towards the house.

Desperately, Katarina used the voice that had sent servants, handmaidens, and the assorted rabid dog into prolonged groveling. “Sit!”

Keith sat.

Katarina knelt in front of him, cupping his chin and raising his face towards her.

“You are so beautiful,” she said, awed and ashamed that she had never noticed how adorable Keith had been before he had become her in-house nemesis. The deep blush crawling up his face made her want to-

Katarina’s eyes widened. Treating Keith as a brother, for better or for worse, had led to her death. Being cold to her father’s bastard son had led to him killing her, but being adoring to her father had led to him putting her in the path of Jeord, who would then kill her. (Katarina refused to think of the other deaths related to her family. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Katarina 36 closed her eyes.)

Obviously, treating people as family was just going to result in her being killed. But there was an alternative that was something she had always secretly longer for, even as she tried to pretend that Jeord actually cared for her.

“Keith,” said Katarina, “you are beautiful and smart and entertaining. I don’t want you for a brother.”

Keith’s eyes grew, if possible, even wider and more liquid and Katarina chastised her past selves for the utter fools they were. Keith was lonely and had the potential for great loyalty. Love, of course, was impossible, but loyalty… How could she not have realized the most obvious solution to her problems?

All things decided, Katarina pulled out Expression 52 Smile of Near Ultimate Persuasion (ultimate persuasion had been deemed too dangerous for non-lethal use).

“Keith,” she purred, “would you please be my pet?”

Katarina had always wanted a pet. Dogs terrified her and hated her, but she had always longed for a beautiful creature with large, soulful eyes to share her lap and her bed.

Once she had explained this to Keith, he had been surprisingly reasonable.

It had made her furious with his previous family that he had not known what a pet was or really anything that involved not being cruel to him. After a few conversations, they both had mutually agreed that family was not something worth having, except of course for Katarina’s excellent mother. Keith hadn’t seemed to agree on the exception, but Katarina was sure that she could persuade him. After all, Katarina may have been awful to him in her previous lives, but in this life, she was going to be the best pet owner of all time!

Katarina did not do anything on a small scale.

Pet training manuals and care guides were devoured in hours. She immediately ordered the appropriate equipment for once Keith was older and better trained, but she started right away on making sure he had the proper care.

She brushed his hair and she made sure that he ate. She took him for walks where they both sat and she let him lie on her lap while she patted his head and told him stories.

She even, by virtue of her parents being too occupied in their own war to notice, managed to cajole and convince the servants that Keith needed to stay in her room with her. It was amazing how much more effective Expression 14 Soulful Eyes of Honesty and Expression 35 Sincere Concern were than her previous temper tantrums.

In some part of herself, Katarina wondered why she wasn’t more cautious around Keith. As she looked down at him, curled up beside in her bed, Katarina realized that he was the only one of the people who had killed her who had done so accidentally. Whatever his feelings towards her, he had not intentionally murdered her and it made him safe in a way that no one else in her life could achieve.

“Katarina?” said Keith, those wide eyes staring up at her.

“Shh…” said Katarina, feeling an unfamiliar smile rise to her face. “Good pets need lots of sleep to be healthy.”

Keith immediately closed his eyes and took the opportunity to snuggle further into her side.

He… he listened to her, without screaming or persuasion or…

Katarina swallowed. “I will look after you. I promise.”

Katarina may never have had the chance to reward true loyalty in her previous lives, but she was sure that she would think of something if Keith managed to not murder her by the time she graduated.

“Do you really think,” said Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain), “that it is a good idea for her to get so attached to a future… man?”

When she looked over at the rest of the Council they were all eagerly peering out of Katarina’s eyes, sighing dreamily and cooing over how adorable Keith was with his “ittle hands and ittle smile and bootiful eyes.”

“Chair Katarina?” said Katarina 16.

“Who’s a good boy?” cooed Katarina 20. “Who’s a very good boy?”

Katarina 16 sighed.

While Keith had taken to Katarina’s long-denied physical affections with surprising ease-

Take that, Jeord, Katarina thought triumphantly. Some people know the value of my snuggling.

- he also was far more interested in spending time in Katarina’s presence than she had ever imagined in even her most extreme planning.

If Katarina was busily ingratiating herself with the minor nobles who made up the household servants to convince them to assist her with her planning, Keith was wrapped around her waist, getting them to exclaim over his beautiful face and manners.

If Katarina was learning about world history, language, and culture so that she could perfect her ultimate escape, Keith was right there, lying on her lap, learning along with her.

If Katarina was learning about business management so that she could start her own corporation in her new country of choice with her soon-to-be skills as a potential merchant (or perhaps less… polite distributor of goods), Keith’s arm was intertwined with her arm, absorbing the information alongside her.

If Katarina was trying, to the point of tears, to learn something, anything useful to expand her magical powers, Keith was… Well, Keith was oddly upset looking. Katarina wondered why none of her magic tutors came back after they made her cry in lessons.

Katarina had, truthfully, paid very little attention to how her “brother” was trained in any of her original life times. Surely though, Luigi (she refused to call him Father) must have made some arrangements for the education of his heir?

For all that her parents were involved in some kind of cold war with one another, it was this neglect of her bro-? pe-? her Keith that drove all of the Katarinas into an unending fury. How dare they leave him without an education to introduce him to his new responsibilities and the world he was about to enter! No wonder he had behaved in a way unbefitting of the Claes name in her previous lives!

Despite having more than enough etiquette and queen’s training in her multiple lifetimes to be able to teach the curriculum herself, Katarina reintroduced them back into her already full schedule. By the time she was finished, Keith would be the perfect Consort!

Katarina frowned briefly. There was something wrong with that train of thought, but she couldn’t quite determine the flaw. It was far more important that she had finally realized why Keith was so attached to her side.

Obviously, Keith was spending so much time with her because he realized that she was the only person who would help him achieve the greatness necessary to take on the Claes dukedom! Once Katarina understood what benefit he was getting from the relationship, she felt much better for the situation. Surely Keith wouldn’t, even accidentally, murder the woman who helped him achieve his goals?

“Katarina,” Keith whispered in her ear, his arms wrapped tightly around her chest, “it hurts here when you’re gone for so long without me.”

Katarina moved out of his embrace and turned to face him. He was touching his chest and his beautiful eyes were full of tears and Katarina felt a strong need to let him know that she understood the deal they had made. The poor boy! She should never have left him in such suspense that he got heartburn because of his anxiety!

If even an afternoon of her buying undergarments with her maid was enough to make him think that she would renege on her promises, then she would need to clear up the situation immediately. He would be a great duke and she would be the hand that would mold him.

“My sweet boy,” said Katarina, kneeling and grasping his hands in hers, “I will do everything in my power to make you worthy of your chosen position. Under my training, you will be strong and smart and charming enough that no one else will even dream of challenging you. You need never fear my absence because you will have earned the right to stay where your heart desires.”

“My Master,” said Keith, his smile dazzling.

He was even acknowledging her as his teacher!

Yes, Katarina thought smugly. She and Keith understood one another perfectly.

Nearly a year into the arrangement, it occurred to Katarina that she may have slightly miscalculated.

Sometimes, there was the smallest nagging suspicion in Katarina’s mind, that Keith was perhaps a teeny tiny bit… spoiled.

He was never anything but absolutely, perfectly behaved around her, but sometimes she heard the mutterings of the maids and-

She looked down at the angelic face staring up from her lap as he opened his mouth for her to feed him another treat.

“Keith,” said Katarina, “do you know what happened to that stable boy who was helping me learn how to ride?”

“Gone,” said Keith, his eyes wide and innocent. Even so, there was something in his expression that made Katarina frown. For a second, his eyes had seemed almost as cold as the Keiths she-

“Weren’t we going for a walk?” said Keith. “Pets need walks.”

Katarina knew it had been a bad idea to let him see the several dozen pet care books she had purchased.

“Of course,” said Katarina. “I wouldn’t ever neglect my precious pet. You are such a good boy.”

Keith smiled and Katarina thought it was truly unfair that he was lovelier than she was. “I’m your good boy. It’s much better if it’s just us.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Two: The Second Miscalculation (Mary Remix)

“What do you mean that the Anne you’ve all been talking about is the same as the Anne that has been my personal maid since I was little?” said Katarina in horror. “The maid that I’m supposed to be avoiding until I can rescue her has been my personal maid since I was little?”

Katarina 2 (death by rock from someone who was definitely not Katarina’s precious pet Keith) winced. “It’s not like we memorized their names.”

“Well,” she clarified, obviously realizing that she had known Anne’s name. “It’s not like we memorized their names until we were brutally murdered and comparing notes on which of the household servants hadn’t tried to kill us.”

She pushed up her glasses accusingly. “It’s not like you noticed either.”

“Well,” said Katarina, stalling for time, and pulling out Expression 92 Deep and Unremitting Sorrow and Betrayal, “aren’t you all supposed to be looking after me?”

“Don’t even try it,” snarled Katarina 27 (death by poison left in her drink courtesy of someone related to the fiancé to be avoided at all costs). “I invented those looks.”

Katarina instantly spiraled back into panic. “I’m glad that Katarina 16 remembered something when Anne came in to help me dress this morning, but what am I supposed to do? Wasn’t I supposed to avoid her? What if I’ve already made her hate me?”

Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain) sighed. “There’s really nothing to be done for it. Let us hope that if you are circumspect from now on, she will at least view you neutrally when you try to help.”

The Katarina Council exchanged worried glances. Katarina wanted to take offense, but she could feel a queer numbness rising in her limbs. She hadn’t realized how much she had been depending on having the person who had access to her bedroom not want to murder her until it was potentially taken away from her.

“There has to be someone who doesn’t want to murder me,” said Katarina. “There has to be.”

“My Master,” said Keith, “you’re shaking.”

He frowned, “And mumbling to yourself.”

Katarina blinked and realized that she had managed to wake up Keith with her minor meltdown. She plastered on Expression 102 Totally and Completely Fine Why Do You Ask? “Obviously I ate something strange last night. Don’t worry! You’re a very good boy for asking about me!”

Keith looked unconvinced.

Katarina 27 put her head in her hands and groaned.

He bit his lip and spoke slowly, almost hesitantly. “When I have bad dreams, it helps when you pat my head. Would you like me to pat your head?”

Katarina felt like her brain was not quite connecting. Didn’t pet owners pat their pet’s heads? Was it supposed to happen the other way around?

Before she could work out the problem, she realized that Keith was sitting and staring at her expectantly.

Slowly, carefully Katarina lowered herself so that her head was placed on Keith’s lap. Equally slowly and very, very carefully Katarina felt Keith gently run his fingers through her hair and over the top of her head.

It felt warm.

It felt like a breeze from that summer when Katarina had laid down on the grass and her eyes had gotten heavy-

“Lord Keith! What are you doing to your sister?”

Katarina sprang up, angling herself so that her body was between Keith and the intruder. She had bribed and charmed and cajoled all the maids and footmen! Who would dare invade her bedroom without permission?

“My sister?” said Keith, blinking. “Katarina is my Master and I’m her very good boy.”

“I think,” said Anne, “that you had better go to your magic lesson without Lady Katarina. The Lady and I need to talk.”

“Maybe,” said Katarina 20 (death by heart bleeding out from a big sword carried by a sadistic prince), “we should find another maid to not murder us.”

“So Lord Keith is your pet and you are training him to go on walks and take over the dukedom?” said Anne.

Katarina had meant to lie. Even if she hadn’t seen anything wrong with having a pet, the Council had so forcefully told her not to speak of it that she’d meant to not say anything.

She really had meant to lie and be charming and Anne knew that Keith was sleeping in her bedroom anyways so what did it matter?

She had meant to lie and with one raised eyebrow from Anne she had blurted out all of the things she had been doing for Keith without Anne even saying a word.

“We really need to find another maid,” said the Katarina Council as they collectively groaned.

Katarina couldn’t read Anne’s expression, but she raised her chin and straightened her shoulders. She wasn’t doing anything wrong! “Of course I’m training him! If I don’t, who will?”

Anne’s expression was so strange that Katarina was tempted to poke her face to see if it would freeze that way.

“And the petting?” said Anne in a strange soft voice.

Katarina frowned. Was Anne testing to see if she’d memorized the pet care guides? “Pets that don’t get petted get unhealthy. Pets need to be taken care of and looked after. It’s always important to only touch pets the way they want to be touched and be gentle and check that they are happy with being petted. You pet their head and their face because touching other parts can make them unhappy but you can snuggle if they like snuggling.”

She almost snorted. Did Anne think she wouldn’t try to be the best at whatever she tried to put her mind to? Katarina had already said she was going to be the best pet owner ever. Did Anne not believe her?

“And why,” said Anne in that same soft voice, “do you not want to be brother and sister?”

Katarina frowned. Anne didn’t look stupid. Katarina was vaguely aware that these were maybe questions a maid shouldn’t be asking, but there was something in the voice that Katarina had heard since her childhood that compelled her to answer. “Family only hurts you and gets hurt. If Keith is my pet, I can take care of him and make sure nobody hurts him.”

“Well,” said Katarina 16, “that and use the resulting loyalty to convince him not to murder you, but I suppose you should not say that out loud.”

Anne’s hands were clenched so tightly that they were turning white and Katarina wondered if she was already angry enough to kill her.

“In that case,” said Anne, “might I make a few small suggestions, my lady?”

Katarina kicked the stone in front of her with more force than was probably necessary.

She would have ignored Anne’s suggestions, but she was trying to get on her good side and the Council had been strangely supportive of the changes Anne proposed.

Katarina didn’t see what difference it made whether she called Keith her ‘pet’ or her ‘companion’ and why Keith needed to call her ‘my lady’ rather than ‘my Master’, but apparently it was important to not make people mad at her, so she had reluctantly agreed.

She was far more angry that not only couldn’t she pet Keith in front of other people, but that she couldn’t let him lie on her lap when he got tired in public.

“How will they know I’m taking care of him then?” said Katarina.

Anne had that strange look again when she said, “Your care is not going to be in doubt, my lady.”

Then, to make the day even worse, Katarina didn’t even get to go to lessons with Keith and instead had to come shop with Anne for appropriate supplies for a boy.

Katarina was really, truly offended.

She had read all of the pet care books! She had ordered all the best things to look after her Keith!

In the end, the Council had convinced her that going along with Anne would probably make Anne happier, but, more importantly if she was missing something that Keith needed, it would be better to solve that as soon as possible.

It turned out there were things boys needed that weren’t in the pet care books and Katarina was using every ounce of her tiny self-control to not throw a screaming stress fit.

Luckily, there was something to distract her.

“Oh,” said Katarina blinking as she stared at a familiar figure across the marketplace. “Isn’t that our stable boy?”

Anne pursed her lips in a completely disapproving frown. Katarina had never seen her look so openly expressive. “That boy…”

She turned to Katarina. “Come, my lady.”

“Anne, are you all right?” said Katarina, puzzled when Anne froze in place. A second too late Katarina realized that until she met the Katarina Council, she had seldom, if ever, spoken politely to the maids. Anne hadn’t even been one of the maids Katarina was busily trying to manipulate so she wouldn’t even have been gradually eased into all of Katarina’s new social conversation and facial expressions!

On top of the conversation this morning… Oh, this was bad.

Anne turned back towards her, blank mask in place. “That boy is no longer employed by the Claes estate. The… crude statements he made about his betters were reported to the steward and he was dismissed.”

Katarina was still trying to figure out what “crude” meant when the boy himself appeared in front of them. He appeared to be limping slightly and as soon as he saw Katarina he turned as pale as death and ran in the opposite direction. Katarina blinked as he landed in a trough of water, rolled over a barrel of pickles, and stumbled off down an alleyway.

“Does he… want to murder us?” said Katarina 5 (death by giant pile of cabbage).

Anne mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, “The little wolf has sharp teeth,” but that was so obviously nonsensical that Katarina immediately forgot about it.

In the end, her mood was almost cheerful when she returned to the mansion. Sure, she had missed things she needed to look after Keith, but the situation was fixed, Anne hadn’t killed her, and she didn’t have to deal with the stupid magic tutors for one day, although it wasn’t like she saw most of them more than once or twice anyways.

She just needed to go find Keith-

“Katarina,” said Millidiana (mothernotmother), “Come speak with me.”

“Now, remember the plan,” said Katarina.

Keith nodded obediently as he tightened his grip on her arm. “I show all of them that I’m the best trained companion in the world. If any of them try to hurt me, or touch me, or look at me, I run over to you. If they won’t let go, I kick them and then I run over to you.”

He looked up at her through a veil of loose-falling curls. “Do we really have to go, my lady?”

Katarina nodded grimly. “They already drove the carriage back. I think Anne knew I was thinking about escape. I’m sorry, my Keith.”

“I am standing right behind you, my lady,” said Anne.

Katarina frowned. She wondered if it was her imagination or if Anne had started to become a bit more… something over the last three weeks. Either way, Katarina ignored her and patted Keith on the hand.

Remembering the advice that the Council had given her, Katarina said solemnly, “A good conversation is like an assassination. They will know that they have been destroyed but they won’t know how it was done.”

“So what does that mean that we will be, Keith?” said Katarina.

In unison, just as they had practiced, Keith spoke with her as one voice. “Polite and deadly!”

Yes, thought Katarina coldly as they approached the entrance of the estate, they would conquer the terrifying nightmare that was The Tea Party.

None of the Katarinas remembered this particular tea party.

However, they all remembered Tea Parties.

When Millidiana had told Katarina that she needed to start socializing with the other noble children in more formal settings all of the Katarinas in her head had started shrieking and running around in circles.

It had been very distracting, to the point that Katarina still wasn’t sure whose tea party she was actually attending.

Thank goodness for Keith.

Katarina would never dream of telling Keith that she had to beg to the point of tears to convince Millidiana to let Katarina bring Keith with her. It was only the suggestion that excluding the Duke’s heir from social ventures would lower the Claes reputation that had saved the situation and Katarina knew she would pay for that Council-inspired threat later.

On the other hand, Keith had responded to her curling into a shaking ball for half an hour by gathering information on every person who would be at the tea party with a pertinent list of background information. Katarina still wasn’t sure how he had done it, but based on the responses of the servants to her and Keith…

It was an odd sensation for both her and the Council to realize that, in this life, she was far less frightening to the household staff than her sweet, adorable companion.

Did his giant eyes scare them because they were so beautiful?

Katarina shook her head to clear her thoughts.

If she started getting distracted by Keith, she would almost certainly be eaten by The Tea Party.

“The most important thing to remember,” said Katarina 18 (death by a silver haired menace wielding a large piece of ice), “is that all of the people you are going to meet at The Tea Party are looking for ways to destroy you. Most of them literally.”

“Show no weakness,” said Katarina 15 (death by strangulation by a footman).

“Strike with a smile,” said Katarina 19 (death by tree).

“And above all else,” chorused the Katarinas, “don’t ever lose your temper!”

Katarina could do it. She could. If nothing else, she had to make sure the monsters didn’t get Keith.

“My name is Lilia Hunt. Lady Katarina. Lord Keith. Thank you for coming to our tea party.”

Swallowing a deep breath, Katarina stepped forward and sunk into a graceful curtsey. “It’s nice to meet you. My name is Katarina Claes. This is my companion Keith. Thank you for inviting us to such a wonderful party.”

“Companion?” said Lady Lilia, but Katarina had already forgotten about her as a tiny figure stepped out from behind her sisters. “I’m the fourth daughter… Mary Hunt.”

Lady Mary!

Lady Mary had never murdered Katarina in any of the lives that Katarina could remember. It made it a surprisingly pleasant experience to meet with someone who had, to the best of Katarina’s knowledge, known Katarina past the magical age of fifteen and never hated Katarina enough to kill her. That didn’t mean that Katarina couldn’t find a way to inspire murderous rage, but it was still a pleasant break from the guaranteed murderers.

The Plan, drilled into Katarina by the Council, was to be polite and respectful and carefully, very carefully, speak with Lady Mary at social events until she had a mildly positive impression of Katarina. Eventually, they might even take tea together.

“You’re so pretty,” said Katarina, stepping forward and grasping Lady Mary’s hand in hers.

“I-I am?” said Lady Mary.

“Oh yes,” said Katarina, staring at her delicate features in amazement. “Everyone must want to be your Lady Friend.”

“Lady Friend?” said Mary, blinking in confusion.

She was almost as pretty as Keith!

Mary’s face cleared, “Do you mean the close relationship between women who have nothing to do with men?”

“You’re smart too,” Katarina said in awe. How could she possibly fool this beautiful person into being her Lady Friend?

“My lady,” said Keith, pulling softly on her sleeve, “shouldn’t we go into the party?”

“Oh yes,” said Katarina blinking. She smiled her very best Expression of Overwhelming Delight. “I do hope to speak with you again, Lady Mary!”

Keeping a firm grip on Keith’s arm, she marched into The Tea Party.

The one consolation about being trapped in a room full of people who had murdered you in your previous lives was the knowledge of how stupid and boring they were as children.

“They don’t get much better later,” muttered Katarina 20.

“How on earth did they kill us then?” said Katarina.

Most of the Council shrugged helplessly, but Katarina was starting to become genuinely puzzled. These people were far too stupid to be masterminds who could defeat the smart and clever Katarina. What on earth had happened?

She and Keith had been separated when she had tried to find the location of the dessert cart and she had been trying to find him ever since.

Curse her weakness for succulent pastries!

She’d managed to find a glass of something to drink but no dessert and her already foul mood was verging on thunderous.

It was at that fortunate moment that she finally saw Keith.

Rather, she saw Keith and the slightly older son of a Baron, with entourage, looming over him.

“Was your mother a whore?” sneered the pointy boy. “Is that what you plan to do-”

“My lord!” said Katarina, her smile all teeth.

The boy looked up towards her and his eyes brightened. “Lady Katarina!”

Katarina and the Council went from angry to murderous.

Did that worm think she’d be happy?

“Come closer, my lord,” she said, beckoning with her finger.

“Closer.”

The boy stopped when there was less than a hand’s-breadth between himself and Katrina.

Katarina smiled brilliantly and leaned in towards the ear of the boy in front of her. “If you,” she said so quietly that only he could hear her words, “ever talk to my Keith again, I will rip out your tongue and make you eat it.”

The boy backpedaled, eyes wide, and Katarina brought her heel down on his instep while dropping her cup so that it spilled over his clothing.

“My goodness,” she said with Expression 133 Eyes of Wide-Eyed Surprise and Innocence. “How… clumsy of you, my lord. Perhaps your family might wish to wait a few more years before you join the social circuit. After all, someone with such… manners should be careful about how they address the children of the Duke of Claes.”

She smiled.

The boy made a strange gurgling noise and ran out of the ballroom.

While everyone was staring after him and whispering, Katarina grabbed Keith’s hand and pulled him out of the ballroom in the opposite direction of The Worm.

She wasn’t entirely sure where she was going, but when she came across a beautiful garden full of flowers, she knew she had found the right place.

“Keith,” she said, looking back at her dearest boy, “would you like me to pat you?”

Keith was asleep across her lap, Katarina’s hands entangled in his hair when Lady Mary appeared in front of them like a creature sent from the heavens.

Lady Mary shuffled in front of her. “I-I had been hoping to talk to you- What are you doing?”

Katarina looked down at Keith and smiled. “Shhh… Don’t wake him. I’m letting him rest.”

Mary looked at her and spoke in a surprisingly serious tone of voice. “The Baron’s son won’t be invited to another party for years. He was taken home within minutes of your exit. Why would you do that for the person who is going to be made heir instead of you?”

“I have to look after him,” said Katarina, squaring her shoulders in preparation for a fight. “He’s mine.”

A strange expression passed over Lady Mary’s face. “But isn’t he… from a different mother than you?”

“What does that matter?” said Katarina, honestly confused. Maybe her past lives had all been stupid, but she was the best pet owner in the world. “He’s still mine.”

For a brief second, the shyness and self-doubt vanished from Lady Mary’s eyes leaving something much harder than Katarina would have expected. Then it was gone and Lady Mary smiled at her so dazzlingly that Katarina was almost blinded.

“Lady Katarina,” said Lady Mary, “would you please come visit me again?”

There were several more visits with Lady Mary and Katarina and Keith. Throughout the visits, Keith kept looking so strangely at Lady Mary that Katarina wondered if he was falling in love with her.

She’d asked him and, to her relief, he’d looked completely bewildered by the question. After all, as amazing and beautiful and smart as Lady Mary and Keith were, Keith stealing Prince Alan’s fiancée would give Prince Alan even more reason to murder Katarina.

As it was, Katarina was very grateful that she was smartly and wisely sticking to the Plan of cautious and careful interaction. She only told Lady Mary how beautiful and amazing she was six or seven times in a conversation!

“Katarina!”

Katarina cautiously avoided the store display she had nearly walked into. She had to be careful about thinking too hard because she wasn’t very good at walking at the same time.

Anne turned back to her discussion with the shopkeeper and Katarina tried to settle back into her Plans.

She didn’t really understand why Anne kept insisting that Katarina come with her to shop or why she had to dress in such stupid clothes, but since Anne looked less murderous when Katarina listened to her, Katarina gave in after only small amounts of pouting.

“You bring your sister again today, Anne? She staying up at the great house with you?” said the shopkeeper. “I can’t believe how long you’ve kept a job on that estate.”

Katarina’s eyes widened. Anne was her sister? How many children did her father have?

Before she could work through that revelation, Anne sniffed. “We’re saving up enough to buy- None of your business.”

The shopkeeper smirked. “Better you than me.”

Katarina was even more confused, but she was distracted by a beautiful glass vial in the window. Lady Mary could break the glass and stab someone to protect herself! Weren’t you supposed to get gifts to convince people to be your Lady Friend?

“Anne,” said Katarina, “can I get a gift for my Lady Friend?”

“Aren’t you a little young for lady friends?” said the shopkeeper with a rasping laugh.

“I’m too young for friends?” said Katarina.

“Oh honey,” said the shopkeeper, “everybody knows that lady friends aren’t real friends.”

“Thank you,” said Katarina. That was surprisingly useful information.

There was only so far one could push Millidiana Claes and Katarina knew when she had to yield to a superior force.

While Millidiana was happy that Katarina was “spending time with appropriate people”, Katarina also apparently needed to spend time by herself with appropriate people. They had reached a stalemate where Keith could come with her most of the time, but sometimes Katarina needed to go visit by herself.

Katarina pushed down her nerves as she sat on a bench with Lady Mary in her garden. This was a good thing. After all, it wouldn’t be a good idea to get too attached to Keith when he would have to leave her eventually anyways.

She had a Plan. With years of careful work and cautious conversation, eventually Lady Mary might be fooled into thinking she wanted to be Katarina’s Lady Friend and Alan wouldn’t murder Katarina.

The important thing was to not give the amazing Lady Mary any clue about her real motivations.

“Lady Mary, how much do you think Prince Alan likes murder?”

Lady Mary burst into tears.

Katarina found herself with an armful of sobbing girl and a head full of shrieking Katarinas. With a skill she had started to learn to develop, she briefly turned the Katarina choir off and focused on the girl in her arms. “Did I hurt you, my lady?”

“Obviously,” said Lady Mary looking up at Katarina, with beautiful, liquid eyes, “you have heard about my… my engagement.”

Katarina gently patted the top of her head. “I am afraid that all I know is that you are intended for the fourth prince, Alan Stuart. I know nothing else.”

Lady Mary took a deep, shuddering breath. “Yes, I am engaged, but I have never actually met my fiancé.”

“Apparently,” said Lady Mary, her eyes downcast, “he heard that Prince Jeord was trying to see how long he could go without seeing his fiancée and Prince Alan was determined to outlast him in the competition-”

Mary’s eyes widened and her hand shot up to her mouth as she gasped. “I am so sorry, Lady Katarina, it never occurred to me-”

Unlike many of the girls who would have said it and meant to hurt Katarina, the Council of Katarinas broke through Katarina’s wall to agree that Lady Mary seemed sincerely concerned that she had accidently hurt Katarina. Katarina felt a strange and unfamiliar warmth in her chest.

“It seems to me,” said Katarina softly, “that Prince Alan has been so blinded by his brother that he has missed the real treasure.”

She took Lady Mary’s hand between her own and looked her earnestly in the eyes. “Men are fools. Anyone who would turn away such an amazing Lady Friend deserves to only spend their time with stupid Men.”

“You… you…” said Lady Mary staring up at Katarina with a completely unfamiliar expression on her face. “You think of me as a Lady Friend?”

Katarina could feel her face lose all colour. How had she so badly miscalculated? She had Plans! Why had she thrown away her Plans and blurted out something so stupid?

Nobody wanted to be a Katarina Friend without years of manipulation! Now Lady Mary would hate her and Prince Alan would kill her twice as hard in the future!

As she was trying to determine how quickly she could escape through the thorns on the rose bushes, she realized that Lady Mary didn’t seem to need an answer to her question. “You have to call me Mary!

Katarina stared as Mary excitedly planned out their activities for the next several months.

Was this… punishment for presuming they were friends?

Except, Katarina brightened, everyone knew that Lady Friends weren’t actual friends, so Mary wouldn’t be insulted that she asked because Katarina wasn’t asking to be real friends and now she had a-

“Lady Friend!”

“I have a Lady Friend, Keith!” said Katarina.

Keith didn’t look nearly as happy as she expected to him be.

“Is she your good girl?” he said in a strange, cold tone.

“Of course not!” said Katarina, offended. “I already have my dearest companion, but I also need a Lady Friend if I’m going to survive.”

It occurred to her as soon as the words left her mouth that she might have destroyed everything with her carelessness.

But Keith…

Keith was smiling.

He tucked himself into her arm. “My lady.”

It soon became obvious just how useful to Katarina’s survival the incredible Mary would actually be.

Katarina had learned some things about plants from her past lives, mainly after numerous attempted and successful poisonings.

Looking around Mary’s garden she realized-

“You’re so good with plants, Mary,” said Katarina in awe. “Think of all the poisons you could make!”

“Poisons?” said Mary.

Katarina was too busy imagining the ways she could protect herself from would-be murderers with a full store of undetectable poisons.

“Lady Friend,” said Katarina, grabbing Mary’s hands with hers, “will you please teach me how to grow deadly plants?”

It turned out that most of the actually deadly plants grew in the forest just outside the great house on Lady Mary’s estate. Katarina was incredibly excited to be alone with Keith, Mary and their servants in a dark and deadly forest.

Unfortunately, so were Mary’s sisters.

Katarina had been too dazzled by Mary at their initial meeting to pay too much attention to Lady Lilia Hunt.

That, and she had been a witness to a number of Katarina’s deaths.

Katarina supposed that Lady Lilia and her two nameless (honestly, who cared about such uninteresting people) younger sisters were pretty enough, but right then, Lady Lilia’s face was rendered almost unrecognizable by an emotion Katarina was all too familiar with from lifetimes of experience.

Jealousy.

Katarina almost felt sorry for her.

Then she opened her mouth.

At first, Katarina had assumed that Lady Lilia had somehow been inspired to murder by Katarina’s very existence.

But Lady Lilia wasn’t even looking at Katarina.

Her entire focus was on the amazing, lovely, knowledgeable about poisons, Mary.

“You think you’re something special,” said Lady Lilia. “getting the attention of the Duke’s family. But you’re nothing. They may have taken pity on you now, but they’ll see soon enough. They’ll figure out that you’re worthless and get rid of you once they know the truth.”

Lady Lilia kept going, but Katarina didn’t care about her. She turned towards Mary, ready to support her as soon as she opened her mouth.

Mary didn’t say anything.

Katarina didn’t understand.

Why didn’t amazing, smart, funny Mary say something to these people who were so much below her?

Why didn’t she tell Lady Lilia to stop?

“Stop!”

That wasn’t Mary’s voice.

That was hers.

Katarina could barely speak through her blinding rage, her voice as cold as the blood in her veins. “You dare to insult the bosom companion of the Duchy of Claes? You dare to lie so thoroughly and completely in the presence of the Lady of House Claes and the Heir?”

Both of Lady Lilia’s sisters took several steps backwards but Lady Lilia didn’t even look towards her, her attention focused entirely on her youngest sister.

“See what you’ve done!” she shrieked. “This is all your fault! We lost our mother and got you instead and everything has been wrong ever since. You make everything worse just by existing!”

“I wish you’d burn!” said Lady Lilia.

And then there was fire.

Headed straight towards Mary.

It’s an accident. Even as much as Katarina despises the sisters who (watch and laugh as she dies) don’t know how to treat amazing Lady Friends like Mary, Katarina can see the sick expression on Lady Lilia’s face as her flames escape her, as her temper rips away the seal on her magic.

It’s an accident and it doesn’t matter because Katarina isn’t going to lose. She has a Lady Friend now! They can’t take that away from her!

She flings herself between Mary and the flames and waits to burn.

Katarina!

When Katarina opens her eyes again, she’s carefully arranged on Keith’s lap, wrapped so tightly in his arms that she thinks she might have bruises.

There’s a wall in front of them.

A twenty-foot-high wall made of earth.

Obviously, Keith has been paying attention to the lessons to try to control her magic and make her grow a bigger earth bump.

The sisters are gone.

Mary and a small army of white-faced servants are not.

Katarina frowns.

She doesn’t feel hurt.

She’s… She’s not burnt at all.

Keith’s head is buried in her neck and she realizes the soft noises buzzing in her ear are him quietly speaking the same words over and over again. “I am in control. I didn’t hurt her. I didn’t hurt anyone. I tell the magic what to do; the magic doesn’t tell me. I am in control. I didn’t hurt her-”

The world snaps back into focus.

“My Keith?”

He was crying, Katarina realized. Her neck was wet with tears.

“Thank you,” said Katarina, slowly turning in his arms as his grip relaxed.

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” said Keith. “I could have…”

Afraid, thought Katarina. She was always afraid.

But not of this.

“You saved me,” said Katarina. “How could I be afraid of my very best boy?”

Keith took a deep shuddering breath and slowly released his grip on her.

Slowly, Katarina moved out of Keith’s arms, although he still leaned against her side like a particularly persistent shadow, even as she helped him rise to his feet.

“Are you,” said Mary, her face strange and pale and frozen, “are you unharmed?”

Keith growled.

Katarina spun towards him and-

Katarina had never seen that look on Keith’s face before. Even when he killed her, his expression had been a mixture of resentment and horror, not this feral baring of teeth.

Keith snarled. “Katarina was put in danger because you couldn’t defend yourself from a flock of squawking birds.”

He spat on the ground in front of her. “Pathetic.”

Mary’s head was bowed, her hair covering her face, and Katarina turned towards Keith with a growl of her own. “Keith!”

“No,” said Mary. “He is correct.”

Katarina spun back towards Mary, her eyes widening as she saw Mary straighten, her own eyes bright with a fire Katarina had never seen previously.

“I have spent my time hiding and mourning and burying myself in plants and excuses,” said Mary. “No more!”

“I will protect Katarina! I will take up the sword and destroy anyone who attempts to get in my way!”

Katarina stared at Mary.

“That is…” Katarina said, her voice full of awe. “That is an amazing idea!”

Jeord couldn’t stab her with a sword if she stabbed him first!

“Katarina!” said Mary, flinging herself towards Katarina.

“Mary!” said Katarina, meeting Mary halfway and swinging her up into her arms.

“We’ll learn the sword together!” said Katarina.

“We can have matching swords!” said Mary.

“Sword Friends!” said Mary and Katarina.

Katarina grabbed Keith as they spun past. “Sword Friends, Keith!”

Something flickered on Keith’s face, but he pressed his head to hers and said, in a strangely resigned tone of voice, “Sword friends.”

“This isn’t…” said Katarina 16. “This isn’t preventing people from murdering you.”

“Sword Friends!” said Katarina.

“Sword Friends!” cheered the Council. “The path to sun and Lady Friends begins here!”

Katarina had forgotten about the squawking birds that claimed to be related to the Amazing Mary, Sword Friend.

Unfortunately, they had not forgotten about her. Or Mary. Or Keith.

Katarina and her people were greeted by an army of servants, the sisters, and the furious father of all the girls.

Fortunately, Katarina had managed to convince Mary’s father of the Bad Flames and Being Mean to Mary through servant testimony and some surprisingly effective Expressions of Disappointment and Menace that had made the sisters tearfully admit to everything.

Unfortunately, someone had contacted the Claes estate before Katarina had solved all the problems.

When Katarina and Keith exited the carriage hand-in-hand, a shadowy figure was standing in front of the door.

“Tell me,” said the figure, “why I should let the boy who nearly killed his previous family and now has nearly killed my daughter back into this house?”

Katarina swung Keith into her arms, pulling him tightly against her chest. “Because that’s a lie! If you knew anything, you’d know that he just saved my life!”

“Is that true?” said Millidiana (notMothernotMother).

Secretly, in a deep part of herself that Katarina couldn’t afford to exam, Katarina conceded. She acknowledged that it was easier to think of this woman as Millidiana than Mother.

“Lord Keith saved my lady from Lady Lilia Hunt’s flames,” said Anne in a tone of voice Katarina did not recognize.

“Be that as it may,” said Millidiana, her back straight, unyielding. “It is only a matter of time before he harms her. He has already broken his promise to not practice his magic in front of her, which was the only promise required of him to enter this house. Duke Claes can make him heir, but he can’t force my daughter to live under the same roof as him. I’ll summon the butler and have the boy removed to the summer house immediately.”

“NO!” said Katarina, releasing Keith and flinging herself towards Millidiana, grabbing her hand before she could signal for the butler.

Katarina had never seen Millidiana that furious. “This… this… He will never care about you. He will use you to get what he needs and discard you when he’s done.”

The worst part was that it wasn’t a lie. Sometimes Katarina forgot that it was just because Keith needed things from her that he was nice to her. She liked to forget that Keith was only nice to her because he needed things from her.

“Do you know who he is?” said Millidiana. “Do you?”

“You can’t help your parents,” said Katarina softly. “Please. He saved my life.”

“He’s my,” she swallowed because it was true and it hurt and she knew it would never be reciprocated, “best friend.”

“Oh sweetheart,” said Millidiana, pulling Katarina into her arms before she could even glance over at Keith.

Separating herself from Katarina, Millidiana stared at Keith for a long moment before nodding her head.

“Come here,” she said and Keith walked forward, his back straight, his head tall.

“What do you want?” said Millidiana.

“To stay by Katarina’s side,” said Keith.

“What will you do to anyone who tries to hurt Katarina?” said Millidiana.

“Destroy them,” said Keith.

“Good,” said Millidiana, a terrible smile spreading over her face. “I see that we understand one another.”

She looked over at her daughter. “You can keep him, Katarina.”

With that, she swept into the house without a single backwards glance.

Katarina was both impressed and frightened by Keith’s political abilities.

As she curled up with him in their bed, she wondered how he could have sounded so sincere while pretending to care about her.

Chapter Text

Chapter Three: The Third Miscalculation (Alan Remix)

“She’s gone,” said Katarina 14 (death by maid’s garrote). “The maid who killed me isn’t at the estate anymore. I’ve been watching her normal routes for weeks and I haven’t seen her.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” said Katarina.

“You don’t understand,” said Katarina 14. “We kept a list of which servants appeared in which life times and she was present in all of them. Why is she gone?”

“If you give me some kind of name or description, I’ll ask the butler about her,” said Katarina. “I’m not sure what else I can do.”

Katarina 14 did give a description, “Malevolent evil snakes that might be hair with eyes made of the deepest fires of the pits of torment.”

Katarina 20 (death by bleeding out while watching the man who abandoned her for a commoner smile) said blandly, “Ask about the maid who was responsible for the laundry on the family floor.”

Katarina did ask about the laundry maid and the butler said that she had gone back to her father’s estate to spend more time with her family. Under his breath, he had said something like, “And she’ll stay there, if she knows what’s good for her, saying those things about the little la-”

It was too bad he’d cut himself off just when it was getting interesting.

Katarina frowned as she made her way to her lessons. Nearly every servant in the household had either murdered her or assisted in her murder in one of her lifetimes. So what did it mean if the household servants were changing? Was she not going to know how the new ones planned to kill her?

Katarina took a deep, shuddering sigh. She was nearly eleven. She only had four years before the murders started. She didn’t have time for complications.

It was nice, Katarina thought drowsily, sometimes to just… sit outside and be alone with her very best boy.

She knew the Council meant well, but she had so much panic already that she just couldn’t add any more panic on top. If anything, she was starting to feel like all of her emotions were just draining out of her into the ground and into the warmth of Keith’s body against her.

She tightened her arm around Keith as they leaned back against the trees. “This is nice with just the two of us.”

“It’s better if it’s just us,” agreed Keith, leaning into her embrace, “because sometimes the servants want to hurt us.”

Katarina was immediately awake.

“If they touch you, I’ll kill them,” said Katarina and, for once, the Council was in full and immediate agreement.

“Sometimes you can’t kill them,” said Keith. “At the other place I lived, there was a Monster. He left me alone, but I saw what he did to some of the servants and some of the servants started doing what he did… I tried to… I tried to help and-”

He took a deep shuddering breath. “They got hurt worse. I wanted to make him stop but one of the ones getting hurt told me something. If you kill someone, you can’t protect anyone else because they execute you. If you send them away so they can’t hurt anyone else then you can keep people safe.”

“I’ll keep you safe,” said Katarina. “I promise, Keith. I’ll keep you safe!”

But how could she? She wasn’t even sure that she could save herself.

She might save Keith before herself don’t think about don’t think about it-

“I think,” said Anne, “that you had both better get ready for your lessons.”

Shaken as Katarina was, she wondered why Anne’s lips were as white as her tightly clenched hands.

Over the next few days, Katarina forced herself to focus on the things that were working. She was learning languages, she was learning commerce, she was learning that she couldn’t count on her magic, but that was what her Sword Friend was for.

Mary, of course, had delivered exactly what they needed to be able to learn how to stab things.

“I found him when I was forced to go visit the capital,” said Mary, as they walked towards the back of her estate. “He was in an alleyway showing off his skills and he’s perfect. He has a very competitive instructional package rate.”

“Lady Mary,” said Anne, “what did your father have to say about this… gentleman?”

Mary waved a hand. “Father listens to what I say now so I told him that our instructor was in finance. He’s keeping our books for us now. We’re only getting the instruction because he cut me a special deal for getting him the bookkeeping.”

Katarina, Keith, and Mary entered the far lawn of the estate grounds and a large man with a deeply scarred face turned towards them. Since he didn’t seem inclined to speak, Katarina decided to take the initiative.

“I’m Katarina Claes. What’s your name, sir?”

“Jimmy the Knife,” grunted the man casually flicking blades between his fingers.

“Wow,” breathed Katarina. “You do look like you know a lot about stabbing things. Please teach me, Mr. Knife!”

“They part of your package, lady?” he said to Mary, completely ignoring Katarina.

Mary’s eyes glinted and her voice was sweeter than sugar. “Are you trying to cheat me, Mr. Knife? I don’t like people who try to cheat me. You had best treat my Sword Friends like you treat me.”

“You’re the boss,” said Mr. Knife, shrugging his immense shoulders that bore a remarkable resemblance to mountains in an earthquake.

“So, kid,” he said, turning to Katarina, “you ever learn how to skin a rat?”

Mr. Knife had a very diverse curriculum. His hours were very flexible, which worked well with Katarina’s other lessons, and he covered a wide range of topics from stealth to poisons to swordplay to knifework to how to hide bodies (“Just a little hypo-thetick-al,” he said).

Mary, as it turned out, was better with knives, but Katarina really liked swords. Keith was good with both, but had a surprising talent for making things disappear. Mr. Knife had offered him an apprenticeship with one of his other friends, which Keith had respectfully declined.

He insisted that all of them be able to climb because, “If the pigs are coming, you don’t wait until you can hear the oinking.”

Katarina wasn’t sure when she would encounter wild hogs, but she was pleased that she was by far the best climber of the group.

He also was able to teach social interaction in a way that made the entire Council gape in awe. The biggest part of stealth in a social situation, according to Mr. Knife, was to make everyone around you let their guard down so they didn’t even notice you disappearing into the vault.

“You gotta speak their language,” said Mr. Knife. “Make ‘em think you belong.”

He growled. “Get your elbows up and crook that finger, kiddo. This is the big boy tea party now. Can’t let those sons of-”

Anne let out a soft noise.

Mr. Knife blushed. “Sorry ma’am. It won’t happen again, ma’am.”

“Why weren’t our etiquette teachers this useful?” said Katarina 6 (death by cafeteria food). “I would have known the appropriate way to feed them their own poison!”

It was all going so well that Katarina really should have expected what happened next.

“My lady,” said the butler, carefully pulling Katarina to the side. “I thought you might want to see this before it went up to His Lordship.”

“Yes,” said Katarina, her hands trembling as she picked up the paper marked with a sigil that was all too familiar to her past lives, “I do want to see this.”

“Why,” said Katarina, curled up against her window and staring at the paper as if it was poisonous, “is there a letter from the royal household addressed to me?”

“Perhaps,” said Anne, “opening the letter might provide further answers.”

Opening the letter did not provide further answers.

“Why,” said Katarina as she stared at the letter as if it was from one of those dreams where she turned into a large cream puff, “is there a letter from Prince Alan Stuart inviting me to meet him at the palace?”

“I don’t understand, Mary,” said Katarina, as she watched Mary carefully scan the letter in their private tea room at her manor.

It was a lot easier to get privacy with Mary now that her half-sisters were staying with some elderly Aunt out in the countryside. While Lady Lilia would be forced to attend the Academy of Magic, there was some serious doubt when or even if she would be making her debut in society. Or at least that was what Mary had learned when she was practicing her new stealth skills by spying on the servants.

“I have no idea why Prince Alan would ask me to come to the palace. I don’t think we’ve ever met,” said Katarina. “What should I do, Mary?”

“I think,” said Mary, speaking slowly as she folded the letter neatly into fourths, “that it would be a poor idea to anger the royal family, especially considering our positions. Think of what kind of information you could find out meeting with an idiot like Alan Stuart.”

Katarina leaned into Mary. “How are you both beautiful and brilliant? I will try not to embarrass you or Mr. Knife with my stealth.”

Unspoken was that Mary had never met her fiancé as Katarina had not seen hers since their initial meetings. Maybe… Maybe Katarina could find something that would be useful for the amazing Mary for once if she met with the stupid Man who hadn’t respected her Lady Friend.

Katarina prepared for her reconnaissance mission with the grim determination of a soldier preparing for battle. The Katarinas gave her as much information as they had gathered from their previous lives. Alan had been madly jealous of Jeord, constantly publicly competing with him in swordsmanship and magic and equally publicly being defeated. Jeord was both his weak point and his driving force. So as long as she didn’t mention Jeord or his constant competitions, she could probably subtly find out information for Mary about her missing fiancé.

Katarina memorized everything they provided her with the hunger of a true predator. She would not be defeated! She would be useful! She would forget what time she was supposed to meet at the palace and arrive an hour early!

The last point did not occur to her until both she and Anne were already standing outside one of the palace’s salons listening to the awe-inspiring piano performance of Prince Alan.

As soon as he stopped, Katarina launched herself into the room.

“Wow,” said Katarina, deeply impressed and ready to get started on her subtle interrogation. “Is that how you murder people? Do you stun them with the beauty of your music and then stab them?”

She frowned. “Or hit them with another instrument?”

“What? Wait…” said Alan Stuart. “Now listen to me, you fiancée stea-”

“He who controls the song controls the world,” Katarina said, half musing, half thinking out loud.

“What did you say?” said Prince Alan.

“Honestly,” said Katarina, not really paying attention as she processed the thoughts of thirty-seven lifetimes, “I have no idea why you insist on fighting Prince Jeord on his choice of battlefields. He’s only good at the useless stuff. What does a prince need to know about swordsmanship? He’s always going to have other people do his fighting.”

Katarina spun towards Prince Alan, her eyes bright with the force of her realization. “You on the other hand have the power to control everyone. Your music is good enough to have the entire court eating out of your hands. You could rule everyone if you wanted to!”

Katarina had realized another path to helping herself escape! A piano wasn’t portable, but a violin…

Katarina bowed deeply in front of Prince Alan, “I need to learn the violin. Please teach me, your highness.”

Prince Alan was staring at her. His voice when he spoke was so soft that Katarina barely heard it. “Useless stuff.”

“Of course,” said Katarina impatiently. She knew he wasn’t stupid, so what was his problem? “The true power is in ruling people’s hearts and minds. Music unlocks the keys to the soul.”

This was all well-known information that she had gathered in her previous lives. How could he not know this?

“You are the most powerful person I have met,” Katarina continued. “I, of course, am too repulsive to rule people’s hearts, but perhaps, with significant training, I can sway their minds with a fraction of your skill.”

“Most powerful,” said Prince Alan.

Honestly, it was like he couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Katarina huffed and crossed her arms. “So are you going to teach me or not?”

It turned out that it was possible to have more than “teach me” or “or not” as answers to the question. Prince Alan had wandered off after she asked the question, muttering, “Most powerful,” over and over again.

It was obviously a negotiation tactic. When he didn’t return after half an hour, Katarina returned to her estate both impressed and very, very angry.

She almost didn’t reply to his second invitation, but she was desperate for the skills he could provide and so showed up, prepared to negotiate.

Prince Alan met her at the door to the salon with a violin in his hands.

“Here,” he said, shoving it at her and not-quite meeting her eyes. “You know how to read music?”

Katarina did in fact know how to read music.

Luckily, she was apparently much better playing with a long bow and wood than she was at singing.

While Prince Alan was a surprisingly patient teacher, Katarina was always waiting for him to revoke the lessons or send her away. She’d mentioned to Mary that she hadn’t even had a chance to negotiate with him and Mary had such a complicated expression on her face that Katarina hadn’t said anything else.

Later, she’d thought maybe it was because Mary hadn’t yet met her fiancé and Katarina was taking lessons from him, but Mary had mumbled something about shoving his violin bow somewhere dark and audibly told Katarina that it was fine to continue her lessons.

It made her wonder what she was missing, even as both Mary and Keith started sitting in on her practice sessions, visibly enjoying the music.

She tried subtly probing him, but all her questions about how he planned to use her and how many of his enthralled minions he had established in the castle led nowhere. It was much easier to just get him to discuss the complexities of his favourite songs as Katarina listened, entranced. She was sure there had to be a code for world domination in there somewhere!

“Look,” he finally said, his ears pink, eyes staring fixedly over her shoulder, “I just thought that maybe we could play together.”

He wanted to use her in his plans for controlling hearts and minds! Katarina was honoured, but it also led her to an even more useful revelation. How could she have missed the obvious explanation for Alan’s powers?

“You’re better at manipulating people than Prince Jeord,” Katarina said, thinking out loud as soon as they put down their instruments.

“What do you mean?” said Alan and Katarina didn’t really pay attention to the odd tone of his voice.

“Prince Jeord’s too obvious,” said Katarina, thinking back through her past lives. “He practically screams, ‘Look at me, I’m planning something with my carefully controlled smile and cold fish eyes.’”

“Fish eyes?” said Prince Alan.

Katarina ignored him because she was still in the middle of her thought. “Nobody would suspect you of manipulating them because you’ve been much more clever about how you’ve created your public face. You scream honesty and rugged handsomeness. If you played them a song and then mingled, you could have the entire political class eating out of your hand.”

“You…” said Prince Alan, “you think that I’m handsome?”

Katarina frowned. “Did I stutter?”

She frowned even more deeply. “Is this a test? Was I supposed to lie about your looks?”

Prince Alan made a strange noise and when Katarina looked up his cheeks were flushed a very becoming shade of pink. “Oh, that’s very good,” said Katarina admiringly. “I can’t even blush at will, and I’ve tried. You’ll have everyone wrapped around your little finger in no time. Can you give me lessons on this too?”

“I think,” said Prince Alan, his voice cracking in a way obviously calculated to make Katarina let down her guard, “that you should call me Alan.”

“So smooth,” said Katarina admiringly. “I have so much to learn!”

If Katarina learned from Alan’s incredible mastery of social skills how not to offend people then she would never be able to offend him! It was perfect!

How had the Council not warned her that Alan was such a charismatic genius?

“It could be true,” said Katarina 18 (death by ice crystal carefully wielded by a political mastermind) slowly. “It’s not like we paid much attention to him, but he gradually and steadily rose in power in the court every time we overheard gossip.”

“You can’t be serious,” said Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain).

“Come to think of it,” said Katarina 20, stroking her chin with her fingers, “Alan in my timeline would have been poised to rise in contention for the throne if his twin did something incredibly stupid-”

“-like throwing over his fiancée from the powerful Claes Dukedom for a commoner,” said Katarina 32 (death by Jeord’s butler’s niece’s second cousin’s rabid dog).

“By the gods,” said Katarina 22 (death by the Queen’s hat pin), “how did we not see this before?”

“Because it is ridiculous,” said Katarina 16 through gritted teeth.

“We chose wisely,” said Katarina 20 in genuine awe. “This Katarina is truly the peak Katarina!”

Alan had been more reluctant to instruct her in the art of charm and charisma than in the art of the violin, but Katarina understood that she just hadn’t proposed the right bargain for him yet.

He said that he could play with her to compensate for her lessons, but what could she offer him that would balance his charm training?

Then she realized the obvious solution.

“Alan,” said Katarina, “you have too much charisma and charm. People are hardly going to be able to spend time around with you because they won’t be able to handle your presence.”

“This,” she said using Expression 332 Smile of Confidence and Problem Solving, “is where I can be useful. My complete lack of charisma will manage to draw attention from your charisma so that you can safely move about in public.”

Alan stared at her. He was obviously overwhelmed with her brilliance.

“We would,” he said slowly, “spend a lot of time together in public?”

“Oh,” said Katarina, trying to fight back the sting of unexpected tears. “Of course you don’t want to-”

“No,” said Alan, the master of resolving social situations. “I agree that I need you.”

“We can be partners!” said Katarina.

“Partners,” said Alan, and for a very brief moment, Katarina thought it looked like he was going to cry. Then he smiled and Katarina’s breath caught in her throat and he held out his hand to her.

Grinning, Katarina eagerly grabbed his hand and shook it. She knew that she would find the right incentive. “I look forward to working with you, partner.”

“Partners,” said Alan, and very briefly something dark passed through his eyes. “I look forward to working with you.”

It had become obvious to Katarina that whatever brilliant reason Alan had for not seeking out the most amazing woman he knew was no longer going to work and she immediately told him so.

Alan looked at her and spoke in an obviously calculated confusion. “Aren’t I… seeking you out?”

“Mary,” said Katarina impatiently. “We don’t have time for your games. You need to meet with Mary and Keith, who are the best people in the world. Mary is the most beautiful, brilliant Lady Friend I can imagine. You’re so lucky to have her for a fiancée!”

“Is that so?” said Alan.

“You’re right,” he said with a frightening but charming smile. “I should meet my… fiancée and your brother.”

“Oh he’s not my brother,” said Katarina with a hand wave. “He’s my best boy.”

“How soon can we arrange a meeting?” said Alan.

The answer was very soon indeed once Katarina explained that the incredible Alan had finally reached the stage in his plans where he met with his equally incredible, brilliant fiancée. Mary and Keith were in fact just as eager as Alan to meet.

It was all going brilliantly!

“Now remember,” said Katarina sternly, “you need to turn down the charm. I won’t have you break my Keith or my Mary’s heart.”

“Although,” she said, frowning, “I suppose you are Mary’s fiancé. Maybe just start on a quarter charm with her then?”

Alan made a choking noise that was obviously meant to distract her so Katarina tapped his lips with her finger to remind him.

“Buh,” said Alan.

“No, that’s no good at all!” said Katarina. “With that kind of perfect blush and carefully disheveled hair, you’ll reduce both of them to speechless minions.”

She sighed, “I guess there’s no helping it.”

Grabbing his hand and flinging the door open, she loudly announced. “Keith and Mary, let me introduce you to the demon prince of cunning and charisma. This is Alan!”

She was right, she thought grimly. They were speechless.

Oddly enough, the very obvious tension in the room for that first awkward fifteen minutes of desserts and passive-aggression had disappeared when Katarina returned from a long and much needed bathroom break.

“It looks like you’ve all come to an understanding,” said Katarina, much relieved.

“Yes,” said Mary, with a queer look in her eyes. “We all understand one another very well.”

Alan looked smug. Obviously he was pleased with the results of his charm offensive. “We’ve come to an agreement. It seems… useful for me to spend more time with you alone outside of our lessons as the dearest friend of my fiancée. Isn’t that right, Mary?”

“Quite right,” said Mary through gritted teeth.

She then muttered something that sounded like, “If we want to get our own private turns, stupid blackmailing, royalty precedence and command-issuing prince.”

“Besides, my lady,” said Keith with an almost anticipatory look on his face, “you won’t be alone with… Alan. You’ll be alone with Alan and… Anne.”

He exchanged a look with Mary.

“Oh yes,” said Mary with a slow-growing smile. “My fiancé, the brother of Prince Jeord, and… your personal maid.”

“What?” said Alan, in an obvious attempt to disarm the other two by pretending to be confused. “What do you mean?”

They were all getting along so well!

As they continued their lively discussion, Katarina felt a strange chill descend on her.

What would happen when they realized that they didn’t need her?

Sometime shortly after Katarina’s twelfth birthday, it occurred to her that she had made a major miscalculation. While aristocratic children started out with tea parties and small social gatherings with closely aligned households, as they grew closer to attending the Academy of Magic, there were other social gatherings that started to become necessary.

While Katarina was sure that she must have been at some of the same larger gatherings as Jeord, it was almost impossible to meet anyone in those crushes and the likely heir to the throne had no need to attend the tea parties mostly imposed on bridal candidates and social-climbing lower nobles.

The new parties were a different thing entirely. Prior to coming of age, children were expected to build alliances, which meant parties tailored to only include people of the same social class and interests.

All of this, of course, would have been tremendously useful information prior to receiving the gilded invitation from one of the other dukes of the realm.

“I am sorry, dearest,” said Katarina 20. “You’ve done such a brilliant job that we completely forgot that there were much closer quarters you would have to inhabit to avoid Jeord.”

“What should I do?” said Katarina, trying not to let the panic rise in my throat. “Both socially and physically, I can hardly avoid a prince of the realm in a small room with a select handful of people.”

The Council looked at one another and one of the younger Katarinas spoke up, almost hesitantly.

“Perhaps,” said Katarina 24 (death by Jeord’s other potential bridal candidate), an oddly sad look on her face, “you can ask your people for help?”

“My people?” said Katarina, blinking.

“Keith, Mary, Alan, - they are your people, aren’t they?” said Katarina 24.

Katarina thrust out her chin. “Only because we are mutually assisting one another or I’ve managed to fool them into tolerating me!”

“They’re still yours,” said Katarina 24, looking down at the ground. “It’s important to have people who are yours.”

“My people?” said Katarina, staring up at the ceiling as Keith curled into her side.

She looked down at him and gently brushed a curl back from his face. “My people.”

Katarina had been nervous about asking her people for help. After all, what if they thought this was outside the terms of her varying agreements with them? What if this made them think she was too much trouble?

After a mostly sleepless night, she decided that waiting and panicking and debating wasn’t going to do her any good. She was Katarina. Hesitation was for lesser potential murder victims!

She called a meeting with her people and Anne (she hesitated to call Anne one of her people because she sometimes suspected that she was one of Anne’s people and she tried not to think too hard about it because it hurt).

She told them that she had to find a way to avoid Jeord at all costs.

They…

They didn’t even ask her why she wanted to avoid Jeord. They just immediately agreed to help her with a degree of enthusiasm that made Katarina’s throat feel too difficult to swallow.

Her people were the best.

“The social situation is difficult,” said Mary thoughtfully. “We need some way to manipulate the social events so that it isn’t obvious that you are avoiding the Prince. Even if it didn’t strain the Claes relationship with the royal family, it would break Mr. Knife’s rules of etiquette.”

“But we already have a secret weapon to help manipulate the social events,” said Katarina.

All three of them leaned forward eagerly.

“We have Alan!” said Katarina.

Maybe those were excited frowns?

“Um… er…” said Alan, obviously attempting to manipulate those frowns into smiles.

“I’m really looking forward to your plan,” said Katarina. “We’ll all be ready when you bring it for your next visit.”

“Oh yes,” said Mary, exchanging a surprisingly evil look with Keith. “We’ll all be looking forward to what you plan.”

“I’ll give you a plan,” said Alan, through charmingly gritted teeth. “Just… I’ll make a visit after I check something at the palace.”

Katarina was exuberant as she saw Alan and Mary off. She was confident her problems would be solved and she might even be able to help someone else solve their problem.

Still feeling buoyant, she ran her fingers over the package she had removed from her room and turned, with some determination, towards Anne. She had been holding onto the package for nearly a week and she needed to stop procrastinating.

“Here,” said Katarina, shoving the package at Anne. “You’ve been rubbing your head a lot lately and I thought that you might be getting headaches and I know that having something to hold and squeeze helps my headaches so I tried to make something and Mr. Knife helped me-”

By the time she’d paused for breath, Anne had opened the package and was just… staring at the object in her hand.

“I know it’s not very good,” said Katarina, feeling more than a little defensive.

“It’s…” Anne said, still staring at the ragged wooden shell with the delicate pearl inset and the much rougher letters “A.S.” carved out on top.

Anne swallowed. “It will be most helpful, my lady.”

Her hands shook as she tucked it prominently into the front pocket of her apron.

Katarina felt a powerful wave of relief. Not wanting to dwell too long on the awkwardness, she smiled up at Anne, “Shall we go get what you need to get done?”

“Yes,” said Anne, her voice hardening slightly, “we shall.”

Katarina had come to really enjoy her regular trips to the market in town. If nothing else, she was sometimes able to practice Mr. Knife’s lessons in a more public setting. It was great to see how easy it was to blend in if you just pretended you were supposed to be somewhere.

Anne was busily talking to a foreign salesman in a foreign language that Katarina sort of understood, but all she could catch was something about boats and travel and she was bored.

She slowly made a circuit of the open market, waving at all the nice shopkeepers who often had an extra candy for Anne’s sister. Anne was very popular.

She was so busy savouring one of her treats that she didn’t notice when she bumped into the person in front of her.

“Hey! Watch where you’re-”

The stable boy turned an impressive shade of white and jumped backwards.

“I didn’t speak to you!” he said. “I didn’t see you!”

He shook his head and started to shake.

“Tell him,” said the stable boy, his eyes wild, “that it was just a joke. I didn’t mean it! You don’t even have boobs!”

He made a weird squeaking noise and clambered up a stack of barrels before diving into a large pile of rotten vegetables. He didn’t emerge. Katarina stared blankly at the pile of vegetables.

“Boobs?” she said.

“That boy is a boob,” grumbled Katarina 16.

That made no sense at all.

And then it did.

“Oh,” said Katarina, brightening, “If boobs are boys, then I have Keith and Alan. Why would he say that I didn’t have boobs? I guess he hasn’t seen me in a really long time.”

She shrugged and had forgotten the entire conversation by the time Anne returned with her to the estate.

“I knew you’d have a plan!” said Katarina.

She wondered why Keith and Mary didn’t look nearly as excited as she did.

“Of course I have a plan,” said Alan, with all the confidence of someone with most of his family’s share of charisma. “If you need to avoid my brother, you need to know who to look for.”

“This,” said Alan, slapping a piece of paper in front of her, “is the face you need to memorize.”

“Wow,” said Katarina, blinking, “your brother has really changed since I first met him.”

“This is my brother’s guard,” said Alan. “He’s often disguised as a servant, but he is always several feet ahead of Jeord. If you see or hear him coming, you need to get yourself out of the area. If you can do that, you’ll never even see Jeord.”

“Hear?” said Katarina.

Alan shrugged. “He has squeaky boots. Once you hear the noise, you’ll know it anywhere.”

“So what is she going to do when she hears the boots? Dive out a window?” said Keith, with what Katarina thought were excellent, serious questions.

“Everyone knows that Lady Katarina goes everywhere with her brother and the Marquess Hunt’s daughter. One of you can just escort her out to the gardens for private conversation when you both hear that noise.”

He took a deep breath, “I can’t do it without causing trouble, but no one should notice if either of you leave with her and it won’t cause any political problems either.”

There was a rather long moment of silence.

“That’s…” said Mary, “a good plan.”

Katarina wondered why she sounded surprised.

“Of course it is,” said Alan, glancing at Katarina through his eyelashes. “I’m good at making plans.”

Despite the fact that Alan said he couldn’t go anywhere private with her, he seemed determined to spend most of his public time with her, Keith, and Mary. So far, there had been no overlap with his brother, but nearly every other noble in the kingdom had appeared to speak with their group. Of course, Katarina realized as she ate one of the host’s eclairs, he was showing support for his fiancée while showing off his political alignment with the Claes dukedom!

He was extremely clever and Katarina was about to tell him so when Alan suddenly reached over and grasped her arm.

“There he is,” hissed Alan.

Katarina’s eyes widened. Sure enough, the squeaky boots were incredibly distinctive and loud.

“Mary,” said Katarina, a smile fixed on her face, “would you like to view the garden with me? I would love to spend time with you in more… private conditions.”

Katarina was amazing at stealth! Mr. Knife would be so proud.

Mary’s eyes widened and she immediately tucked her arm into Katarina’s as they quickly but gracefully made their way to the exit. Katarina had no idea why the girls she had been speaking to were fanning themselves and taking large gulps of their drinks but she supposed that they didn’t have the amazing Claes ability to be comfortable at any temperature.

Yes, thought Katarina in giddy delight as they made their way to the garden unobstructed, it was great to be Katarina Claes.

It was not great to be Katarina Claes.

“What do you mean there is no garden at the Earl’s estate?” said Katarina. “Where am I supposed to go to spend private time with Mary or Keith?”

Alan looked oddly happy about her lack of private options. “It’s not for a month or so, so we have some time to come up with a plan. Perhaps I can-”

“Perhaps I can help,” said Mary, her smile full of teeth.

Except that it turned out Mary couldn’t help.

“What rotten timing that your father insists you accompany him to the capital,” said Alan, with a sweetly charming smile. “I guess I’ll have to help Katarina with her problems while you’re gone.”

Mary was so grateful for his kindness that she started choking and couldn’t even say anything.

Despite what Alan said, it was surprisingly difficult to get him to meet for planning.

Finally, when she and he were bent over a piece of music she was practising, he whispered something out of the corner of his mouth. “If you want to meet for planning, you need to find a way to not have your maid in the room.”

Katarina frowned. “Anne goes everywhere with me.”

“Exactly,” said Alan, small beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

Katarina frowned deeper. Did he have a crush on Anne? She knew that he had spent a lot of time glancing back at her at their last few private meetings. He’d even whimpered when Anne had snapped her fingers.

“I’ll have to talk to Keith,” said Katarina.

Alan looked unhappy, but Katarina thought that revealing his crush was a small sacrifice if he wanted to meet with her away from Anne.

When they want to bed that night, Katarina explained the whole situation to Keith. Once Keith had finished laughing hysterically, he smiled.

It was not a nice smile.

“I can get Alan his time away from Anne, but I’ll be joining you for that meeting.”

“After all,” said Keith, as he wrapped his arm around her waist, “someone needs to help judge his brilliance.”

“My best boy,” said Katarina sleepily.

“Yes,” said Keith, “yours.”

Katarina wasn’t sure how Keith had done it, but Anne did in fact leave as soon as Katarina went to meet Alan in the small parlour where none of the servants went.

Alan frowned when both Keith and Katarina entered and Katarina wondered if they had kept him waiting because he immediately started in on the plan.

“The problem in a house without a garden is that there is no obvious excuse to wander the grounds. This means that the best solution is to find an unoccupied space in the house away from the bulk of the party where Jeord won’t intrude,” said Alan.

“Of course this raises the biggest issue,” he said pulling out a piece of paper with a series of parallel lines and the word ‘EVIL’ above them.

He stared expectantly at Katarina and Keith.

Katarina and Keith stared blankly back at him.

“Hallways!” said Alan. “The biggest problem is hallways!”

He continued even more passionately. “There are only a few exits from most ballrooms and they are all connected to hallways that you must pass through before you reach the rooms. Hallways are narrow and small and make it-”

“-impossible to get away from someone,” breathed Katarina.

“Therefore, the most obvious way to avoid Jeord,” said Alan, rubbing his chin, “is to have you carefully exit the party and climb the outside of the building to find a private room away from him. There’s no way for him to encounter you in a hallway if you don’t use hallways!”

“There’s just one problem with that,” said Katarina, frowning. “I’m not sure that I will be mobile enough in a dress to navigate brickwork.”

“Then you can wear boys’ clothing under your dress and carry your dress when you need to climb!” said Alan.

“Brilliant,” said Katarina in awe. “You’re brilliant.”

She ignored the pained noise Keith was making behind her. She’d warned Keith that those breakfast biscuits looked stale!

Anne reappeared shortly afterwards and both of the boys were unceremoniously ejected for their home (Alan) and their lessons (Keith).

Once they were gone, Anne looked at Katarina.

Katarina looked at Anne.

Anne looked at Katarina.

“I’m going to learn how to climb the walls of houses so that I can escape from rooms with people who want to hurt me!” Katarina blurted out, sweat gathering at the nape of her neck.

Well, it was mostly true, thought Katarina guiltily. There was no need for Anne to learn about how Katarina was planning to mostly use the skills at major social events.

Anne closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and re-opened her eyes. “I would ask then, my lady, that you bring myself or one of the other servants along when you practice in the event of difficulties.”

“Of course you’d come with me, Anne,” said Katarina, baffled. Most of the servants wanted her dead. “Who else would look after me?”

Anne reached a hand towards Katarina and then retracted it so quickly that Katarina wondered if she’d imagined the movement.

“Just…” said Anne, sounding more tired than Katarina had ever heard her. “Please let me know when you need me.”

Despite having some very creative things to say about Alan’s parentage (Katarina was pretty sure he was related to the King), Mary was very supportive of the new plan to avoid Jeord.

“Our stealth lessons aren’t just for ballroom etiquette,” she said, tapping her chin with her fan. “Mr. Knife has a full program of scaling architectural features that has a very competitive package rate when combined with poison development.”

“You’ll add it to your lessons as well?” said Katarina.

“Of course!” said Mary. “Where you go, I go!”

“Lady Friend!” said Katarina, her eyes damp as she extended her arms.

“Lady Friend!” said Mary running into Katarina’s embrace, as Katarina spun her around in a circle.

Mr. Knife did have an excellent set of training options for learning how to scale buildings and finally deemed them ready to practice on their own, using the back side of the Claes manor. He, unfortunately, had some business to attend to, but made sure that they were ready.

“Now baby birds like you don’t do any more than two floors, you hear?”

Mary and Katarina nodded.

Mr. Knife frowned. “Whatcha going to remember?”

“Never trust someone else’s rope!” said Mary and Katarina in chorus.

Mr. Knife almost looked like he would smile but mostly looked like he had indigestion. “If you’re going to fall,” he said, “fall on the stupid one.”

A problem arose almost as soon as they headed out to the back of the manor. Mary and Katarina had assumed they could wear their fencing outfits to climb, but it became obvious that they would need a lot more flexibility after Mary fell onto Katarina when trying to scale the first window.

Katarina could see that Mary seemed genuinely shaken by the experience and tried to distract her and the concerned looking boys (Anne was busy being useful and checking Mary for injuries) by proposing a solution for herself.

“Wouldn’t it work better if I were wearing normal clothing that had pants and a shirt? Like the boys’ clothing that Alan suggested I use for climbing?” said Katarina.

“Some of my old clothes might fit you,” said Keith and Alan simultaneously and then simultaneously turned to glare at one another.

Since they weren’t at the palace, it seemed obvious that Keith’s clothing was the easiest choice. Anne had suggested that perhaps Katarina change away from the main house and her tone of voice had prompted Katarina to find a nice garden shed where Keith handed her a bundle of clothes.

Katarina tried on the clothes and was impressed that they did actually fit. They were a little tight in some areas but nothing that would prevent her from moving. She had so much more flexibility that it was like being freed from a cage she hadn’t even realized existed.

“So what do you think?” she said, exiting the shed. “Look at how much I can move in these!”

She bent over to touch her toes and stretched up as far as she could towards the sky.

“Keith?” she said when she didn’t hear a reply.

“My lady,” said Keith, his voice strangely rough, “I am not sure that these will work for public occasions.”

“Well,” said Katarina, significantly relieved, “that’s fine then. These are only meant for private use.”

She felt confident that this was going to work, busily twirling the rope through her fingers as she made her way to the far side of the manor. She didn’t get much of a look at Mary or Alan or even a strangely silent Keith who had trailed her like a dark shadow back from the shed.

Katarina was going to scale a building.

Readying her rope, Katarina eyed the second-floor balcony, eyed the handholds on the wall and smiled triumphantly.

It was even easier than she had anticipated.

Climbing felt strangely natural to Katarina as if her limbs and mind were able to move without any direction from her consciousness. She swung herself from hold to hold, attaching rope where necessary and flinging her body where it wasn’t.

“There!” said Katarina triumphantly, reaching the designated balcony. “Am I not the best at achieving my goals?”

When she didn’t hear a reply, she frowned and looked down at the lawn.

Her three people were staring up at her, their mouths hanging slightly open with a very stupid look on their faces. Even more strangely, Anne was glaring at all of three of them.

Were they completely overwhelmed by her brilliance?

She was still close enough to see Alan swallow and begin to speak, as expected of the prince of charm and charisma. He could overcome any awkward social situation!

Alan’s voice was almost hoarse when he spoke. Katarina wondered if he was coming down with a cold. “This… might be more complicated than I thought.”

Alan never did explain what he meant by complications because he had taken one look at Anne’s face and decided that he needed to return to the palace.

It was decided, largely by conversations with Keith that were then relayed to Alan and Mary and back again to avoid alerting Anne, that they would use the Earl’s manor as a trial for the avoidance method.

Keith and Alan would station themselves in one of the unused rooms on the second floor and Mary would distract Anne while Katarina went outside, removed her outer dress, and scaled the wall to the empty room in her climbing outfit.

Whether or not Prince Jeord actually attended, it would be a good chance to see if the method would work.

There was just one minor complicating factor that none of them had considered and that became unfortunately obvious once they were actually at the party.

Normally, Jeord arrived at parties fashionably late if at all. But what-

“We’ve scoped out the second floor,” hissed Alan out of the corner of his mouth. “When you’re facing the back of the manor, the right window is the right window.”

-if the Prince came early?

“Right,” said Katarina, distracted by the sudden sound of squeaky shoes and frantically looking for an exit. Luckily, Mary skillfully used her conversation with Anne to block Katarina from view as she almost dove out the side entrance to the ballroom.

Once she was outside, stripped to her boys’ clothing and staring up at the manor, she realized she had a very large problem.

Which window was it again?

A light came on in the left window on the second floor and Katarina brightened. Of course! She didn’t want to be “left” behind!

Her mood brightened even further as she easily scaled the brick and latticework on the manor, even with her dress tied around her neck like a cape. She had never been more grateful for the boys’ forethought as she made her way to the soft light from the left room on the second floor.

They’d even left the window slightly open for her!

Katarina dropped down lightly from the window sill into the half-lit parlour and turned to smile triumphantly at two people-

-who were definitely not Alan and Keith.

The beautiful girl with moonlight hair and the dark-haired boy beside her stared at Katarina.

“Sorry,” said Katarina, plastering on Expression 213 Pleasant and Polite Resolution of Awkwardness, “wrong window!”

The two beautiful people continued to stare at her.

Maybe she should have complimented them? Or said something about the party?

“I’m sorry that I have disrupted your peace when you probably have to hide from people because you are both too beautiful to be out in public,” said Katarina. Katarina gestured to the partially-eaten dessert plates in front of them. “Also, the tea cakes look delicious. My compliments to the chef.”

Catching a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye and hearing a very familiar noise, Katarina’s eyes widened and she dove back towards the window. “It-was-lovely-to-meet-you-I-need-to-go-now.”

As she carefully maneuvered herself one window over to the right, Katarina wondered why the prince’s guard would be coming to visit what looked like a private tea party.

Katarina didn’t see any need to let Keith and Alan know about her tiny little mistake. After all, it wasn’t as if she would ever see those beautiful people again outside of the potential distant glimpses at parties.

It had been much too dark for them to see much of her and Keith and Alan got surprisingly worried about silly things. Katarina would take it as an insult to her competence, but she understood that she still needed to prove the worth of her part of the bargain and took it as a challenge to get better.

Still, she was surprised when she vaulted into the correct window to see both Keith and Alan rigidly sitting upright on the ottoman. She would have thought they would have come over immediately to discuss her succ-

There was a gentle clearing of a throat that made Katarina freeze where she was standing.

“My lady,” said Anne in a tone of voice that made all of the hairs on Katarina’s neck stand on end, “perhaps it is best if I make a few more suggestions.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Four: The Fourth Miscalculation (Ascart Remix)

“Do you mean,” said Katarina, her eyes so wide they felt like they would split her head, “that my father put that in all those women and then those women all had secret babies and Keith and Anne were secret babies and I was not a secret baby and all Men do that and there are secret and not-secret babies everywhere and Men are terrifying-”

“You were the one who suggested this,” hissed Katarina 20 (death by someone who definitely was never putting that inside his on-paper-only fiancée) to Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain). “Fix. This.”

She pushed Katarina 16 forward so that she was standing in front of an increasingly hysterical Katarina. Katarina 16 closed her eyes, her cheeks a brilliant red. “There are some excellent books on this subject in the library in between the covers of the large Almanac of Boring Facts and Places. I would suggest reading them and then coming to us if you have any questions.”

“Coward,” hissed Katarina 20, glaring at Katarina 16, before stepping forward herself.

“Dear heart,” she said, gently placing her hand on Katarina’s shoulder, “it’s not all about men like Luigi Claes who carelessly impregnate women and abandon children to monsters. Relations can be a way to share yourself with those you trust, although I would recommend waiting until you are in a committed relationship for practical reasons.”

“Did you have relations with Jeord?” said Katarina.

“Yes,” said Katarina 20, something almost bittersweet passing over her face before vanishing. “There were a lot of Katarinas who were stabbed by Jeord for various reasons. I was chosen because I was the oldest, which meant I had more… time as his fiancée.”

“Why did you have relations with Jeord?”

“Because I loved him; because I thought I could make him love me.” Katarina 20 shrugged and Katarina wondered why Katarina 16 and the other Katarinas were staring so intently at the Chair Katarina.

Katarina 20 sighed, “I am not the person to imitate, dearest. Really, the only advice I can give you is to be kind – to yourself and to whomever you trust to share your body.”

She leaned over and cupped Katarina’s cheek. “Read those books so that you know what you want and what is possible. Only ever do what everyone involved wants to do.”

“What if I don’t ever want to put that inside my body?” said Katarina.

Katarina 20 shrugged. “Then you don’t have to.”

“After all,” said Katarina 35 (death by jealous handmaiden) under her breath, “that’s what lady friends are for.”

Katarina was so in a daze between that and secret babies and what did Lady Friends have to do with that? that she was completely unprepared for the new horrors of the Almanac of Boring Facts and Places.

She was so horrified, in fact, that she didn’t even notice Anne clearing her throat until she’d nearly flung the book across the table.

“Anne,” said Katarina, nearly in tears, “I’m not ready for this or that or secret babies. I don’t want to do this.”

Katarina could have sworn Anne said something like ‘Thank goodness’ but her mouth didn’t really move so Katarina assumed she had imagined it.

Katarina wondered why Anne hurriedly looked around the library while tossing the Almanac back into place on the shelf. She seemed really relieved once it was in place.

“My lady, my advice would be to not even think about these…” she wrinkled her nose, “pieces of writing until you are older. Much older.”

“As old as you?” said Katarina.

“Even older,” said Anne.

She paused awkwardly. “If this… interest is because of our conversation at the Earl’s house…”

Katarina frowned. “What would it have to do with the Earl’s house? You just gave me some advice about making sure that boring nobles only saw me in appropriate clothing.”

“That’s not…” said Anne and then she shook her head.

Anne’s voice sharpened. “If it wasn’t our conversation, my lady, then is someone perhaps pressuring you?”

Katarina shook her head. “I just,” she said in a small voice, “I just didn’t understand how the Duke could have made Keith and then left him in that house. I wanted to know what he’d done.”

Anne’s ragged gasp for breath made Katarina remember too late -always too late- that the Duke threw away Anne too.

“I’m sorry, Anne,” said Katarina in real panic. “I’m so sorry.”

“There are many people who need to be sorry,” said Anne. “You are not one of them.”

She looked Katarina in the eye and grasped her hand for the first time in… Katarina couldn’t remember.

“Never,” said Anne Shelley, “apologize for monsters.”

Katarina tried not to think too much about that or the Duke or secret babies with all the skill of thirty-seven lifetimes of not thinking too hard about things that hurt her. When she thought about Anne’s face though it made her mad and made her feel helpless.

Katarina was not helpless.

And even if she was sometimes, her people could be bribed or tricked into not being helpless for her.

“There has to be a way to stop secret babies,” said Katarina.

“Good luck with that,” snorted Katarina 11 (death by Jeord’s guard captain), looking bitter while taking a large swig from a mysterious flask. “Most of the nobles in the servant halls are someone’s secret baby. Then they go on to have more secret babies themselves. We’re raining secret babies around here!”

“And most of them want to murder me,” said Katarina.

Her eyes widened as she finally put all the pieces together.

“Secret babies lead to murder?” said Katarina. “Does everyone who was trying to kill me have secret babies?”

Her eyes widened. “Does Jeord have secret babies?”

She frowned. “Why wouldn’t I have known about them in my other lives?”

Then she brightened. “Because they were secret of course. It all makes so much sense!”

Katarina assumed the dead silence of the Council was because they were completely overwhelmed by her brilliance.

“Someone has to fix this,” said Katarina 20. “Someone has to be able to undo this. Someone who has the most life experience and knowledge-”

As one, the Council turned to one person.

“I don’t know why you’re looking at me,” said Katarina 35, her smile slowly growing as she took in the rest of the Council’s expressions. “I think this is wonderful. She isn’t going to have to worry about secret babies if she spends all her energy on Lady Friends.”

“Lady Friends?” said Katarina, wondering if the Council had forgotten that she was there.

“Yes, sweetheart,” said Katarina 35, her smile growing even wider. “Lady Friends won’t give you secret babies.”

The rest of the Council glared at her and she lazily shrugged. “Fine. Not all murderers have secret babies. Just some of them. You have to know where to look.”

As Katarina eagerly decided to put some actually useful advice into action, she wondered why Katarina 20 was screaming inside her head.

Katarina decided to start Investigation: Secret Babies of Potential Murder with the safest possible target.

After Katarina finished practicing how to pretend to be unconscious so that she could catch someone off-guard in a duel, she tried to think about how she could Very Subtly get Mr. Knife into conversation without him realizing she wanted to know something.

Mr. Knife looked over at Katarina and raised a very thick eyebrow.

“Right,” said Mr. Knife, “spit it out then.”

Katarina had no idea how Mr. Knife knew that she wanted to ask him a question, but she quickly blurted it out before he changed his mind. “Do you have any secret babies, Mr. Knife?”

Mr. Knife sighed. “Kid, I don’t have time for secret babies.”

Katarina was ecstatic. She knew Mr. Knife wasn’t a murderer! Then she remembered the other part of what he said. Well, at least he wouldn’t be a murderer as long as she and Mary kept him busy. Who else could they bring in for lessons?

“You want me to take lessons with… Mr. Knife?” said Alan.

“It’s a great value,” said Katarina. “He has a fantastic introductory two-for-one sneaking and gentle suggestions of compliance package.”

Her face fell as she thought further. “I know that someone as charming and charismatic as you doesn’t really need more lessons, but Keith and Mary got so excited about sharing my climbing lessons that-”

“Your wall climbing lessons?” said Alan in a very strange tone of voice.

Katarina blinked. “Keith and Mary have been really generous with sharing outfits meant for boys so I get used to climbing in different cloth-”

“Where do I sign up?” said Alan.

It was surprisingly difficult to investigate secret babies. With Mr. Knife safely occupied and Alan enthusiastically signing up for many of the lessons she was taking, Katarina was confident that she could eventually start using her people to help her search if she was very, very careful.

The problem was that she felt like she was missing some key pieces of information. She needed to have a better understanding of where secret babies were typically located before she sent everyone on wild chases for nothing.

She’d been so occupied with this added murder complication, that she let down her guard and forgot to use her stealth lessons to avoid Millidiana.

It wasn’t that she hated Millidiana (mother!), it was…

“You need,” said Millidiana, coolly looking at Katarina over the top of her tea cup, “to meet with more of the families you will be required to interact with in the future.”

Katarina thought that had been what she was doing at those stupid parties, but she supposed that Millidiana must have something specific in mind.

“Don’t misunderstand me,” said Millidiana, “you have done…”

She swallowed and briefly looked away, to Katarina’s confusion. “…well with your current alliances, but, if That Man won’t…”

She took a deep breath. “I’ve arranged for you to meet with the prime minister’s children tomorrow at their estate.”

The prime minister? He was an earl and an…

…Ascart…

Keith! She would have to…

“Without,” said Millidiana, “your little wolf.”

As Katarina stared at her in frozen horror, Millidiana smiled. “If you would learn anything from me, sweetheart, you had best learn how to develop some teeth of your own.”

Nicol Ascart hadn’t directly killed her.

Katarina shuddered.

She had no intention of getting on Nicol’s bad side in this life (Katarina 29 (death by -redacted- using -redacted- under the Devilish Earl’s smile) and Katarina 30 (death by the product of the Devilish Earl’s horrifying mind) both whimpered reflexively).

Preferably, she would never have formally met Nicol Ascart but the next best plan was to avoid getting on his bad side.

She took a deep breath as she exited the carriage, Anne shadowing her even more closely than normal.

“Anne,” said Katarina, out of the corner of her mouth. “If the chandelier starts to fall, run for the door.”

“I will do so, my lady,” said Anne.

When Katarina was ushered into the entrance hall she felt as if she had been frozen by the sight in front of her.

It was the Wrong Room Lady! She was even more beautiful than she had been in the half-dark and she had snow white hair and ruby eyes and she looked like she had descended from out of the sky. She… she glowed under actual light. There was only one possible explanation.

“Are you a princess?” said Katarina. “I didn’t know I was supposed to meet a princess of the deepest moonlight with the light of roses trapped in her eyes. I didn’t think there were any princesses, but obviously you’re the most secret of secret babies!”

Katarina was delighted. She had thought it might be hard to start finding secret babies, but it turned out that some of them might be very obvious.

Maybe she should have waited until they were alone though because probably Prime Minister Ascart didn’t want to have his majesty’s secret baby announced in public. Katarina frowned. Had he murdered Katarina in the past?

“You...” said the girl, “you know ‘The Secret Adventurer and the Princess of the Glass Castle’?”

Katarina’s eyes brightened. Obviously this was code! She could find out more information about secret babies if she was cunning! She could make up nonsensical code phrases too!

“Of course,” said Katarina. “I also know ‘Cheating Kings and the Dark Room of Secret Babies’.”

She gave the girl Expression 397 Wink of Knowledge and Not at All Faking Her Understanding.

The dazzling girl’s eyes grew even wider. “I… I haven’t read that one.”

“It’s very secret,” said Katarina.

Someone cleared their throat and Katarina was forced to look away from her very first self-identified secret baby.

“This,” said Prime Minister Ascart, a very strange expression on his face, “is my daughter Sophia Ascart.”

“Oh wow,” breathed Katarina. They had even given her a fake name. Truly she was a special secret baby!

“Can we go outside please, Lady Sophia?” said Katarina bouncing forward with excitement.

“You…” said Lady Sophia, “you haven’t met my brother Nicol yet.”

Katarina blinked. She wondered why the Prime Minister looked like something had hit his head very very hard. “This is… my son, Nicol Ascart.”

“Window lady,” said Nicol Ascart.

Katarina turned towards the expected face of her nightmares.

“Bathroom,” said Katarina 29 inside Katarina’s head in the most urgent voice Katarina had ever heard from one of her Council. “You need to go to the bathroom right now.”

“I do?” said Katarina.

“Tell them,” said Katarina 29 through gritted teeth, “that you need to use the facilities immediately.”

“But secret babies!” said Katarina.

“Immediately!” said Katarina 29 and 30.

Katarina was not happy by the time she finally arrived in the bathroom. For some reason her very well-acted demonstration of why she needed to use the washroom had convinced some people (Prime Minister Ascart) that she needed a doctor and other people (Anne) that she was trying to escape. She wasn’t sure whether it was good or bad that it seemed like Anne was willing to help her.

Eventually the dazzling princess had suggested that she wanted to use the bathroom with another one of those coded references and she had finally arrived, irritated and confused.

“So why did I need to let everyone know about how badly I overate at breakfast?” said Katarina.

“That’s not Nicol Ascart,” said Katarina 29.

Katarina blinked. “The prime minister just referred to him as his son, Nicol Ascart. His sister, Sophia, just referred to him as her brother, Nicol Ascart.”

“I know,” said Katarina 29. “That’s not Nicol Ascart.”

She took a deep ragged breath. “I know Nicol Ascart. I can’t forget Nicol Ascart, and that is not Nicol Ascart.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina gently, a little concerned about whether or not Katarina 29 could say any words other than ‘Nicol Ascart’.

“He’s not sparkling for one thing,” said Katarina 29 and both she and Katarina 30 involuntarily shuddered.

Before Katarina could even comment on that, they started alternating descriptions like they were racing.

“His face isn’t thin enough!”

“His eyes are the wrong colour!”

“He doesn’t have a villainous look to his eyes!”

“His body is shaped wrong!”

“His hair is the wrong colour and condition!”

Katarina blinked and realized as she thought about her largely blocked memories of Nicol Ascart that he did look different.

It didn’t make sense. Except…

“Maybe…” said Katarina slowly. “Maybe he is Nicol Ascart.”

“No wait,” said Katarina, cutting off the obvious protests. “Maybe something happens that turns this Nicol Ascart into the Nicol Ascart that you remember.”

“Somebody ripped out his eyes and gave him new ones?” snarled Katarina 29.

“I like that image,” said Katarina 30, even more terrifyingly.

Katarina rolled her eyes. She’d given up secret babies for this discussion.

“Well,” she said, “it’s not like I can do anything about it right now. I’ll just avoid the Devilish Earl until I know more. Can I just go talk to my beautiful secret baby?”

“This is your fault,” Katarina 20 hissed at Katarina 11 and Katarina 35.

Katarina 11 raised her flask in salute and Katarina 35 smiled as she slowly stretched.

“Let the lady go meet her new Secret Baby Lady Friend,” said Katarina 35.

“Do you really think I can make a new Lady Friend?” said Katarina.

“Sweetheart,” said Katarina 35, “nothing makes Lady Friends happier than talking about making secret babies.”

Katarina had learned a lot about stealth from Mr. Knife. Even if she didn’t really understand why, she knew that sometimes you had to pretend to be boring so people thought you weren’t investigating things. As much as it irritated her, when she returned to the entrance hall she plastered on Expression 276 Smile of Harmlessness and Dull Personality.

“Lady Sophia,” said Katarina, “can we go outside and share things that are very much not important and dangerous secrets together?”

Lord Ascart was an oddly emotional man. Katarina wondered why it looked like he was going to cry. “Yes, Sophia, why don’t you two go outside and talk. It’s only a shame that we don’t have a garden for you to explore.”

Success! Katarina knew she could pass the acting lesson, despite what Mr. Knife said.

Before he could change his mind, Katarina held out her hand and once Lady Sophia hesitantly took it, headed for the door as quickly as possible.

As soon as they were around the back of the manor, Lady Sophia stopped and clasped Katarina’s hand in hers. “I didn’t tell Father about the window and I made Nicol stop saying anything. I knew that you were dressed as Lady Serafina dressed as Lord Seraph coming to Princess Moonglory’s room of imprisonment to rescue her! I told Nicol!”

Katarina gasped. Lady Sophia was even more beautiful when she was blushing!

“I’m just sorry that I didn’t respond fast enough so that we could have acted out the full scene. Your lines were… beautiful,” said Lady Sophia.

She looked up at Katarina through her eyelashes and Katarina felt her mind go blank. Obviously this was more code, but Katarina had no idea what devilish code was being presented. Was the Council sure that the Devilish Earl wasn’t Lady Sophia?

“Quite,” said Katarina 29 and 30.

Katarina frowned. She’d have to play along. “Of course I was dressed as a person who was definitely not in the wrong room and was instead bravely searching for secret babies.”

That should completely throw the dazzling and cunning moon princess off the scent, thought Katarina smugly.

“Oh,” said Lady Sophia, brightening, “you know about Princess Moonglory’s secret baby that was hidden in the tree trunk?”

“How do you learn these things?” gasped Katarina. Her first clue to secret baby locations!

“Just like you do,” said Lady Sophia, “from books, of course.”

“And where are these books kept?” said Katarina.

“In our library,” said Lady Sophia, pointing towards a window on the third story of the house.

“Interesting,” said Katarina, before becoming immediately distracted by a small motion behind them. She quickly looked behind them and immediately frowned.

Was Nicol Ascart following them?

Five minutes later, it became very clear that Lord Nicol was in fact following Katarina and Lady Sophia around the outside of the house. Clinically, Katarina noted that his stealth needed a lot of work. Holding branches above your head was not sufficient to pretend to be a bush. He should at least have built a leaf skirt.

This was very inconvenient.

Had he already decided to murder her?

Katarina frowned. She didn’t think she’d said something particularly murder-inspiring unless…

“Do you think the Devilish Earl understands the Secret Codes?” said Katarina.

Katarina 29 and 30 exchanged concerned glances.

“I didn’t think there was anything to this but-” said Katarina 29.

“The way the person who really shouldn’t be the Devilish Earl is reacting is making me reconsider,” finished Katarina 30.

“No,” said Katarina 20. “Don’t tell me you’re going to start believing this?”

“He was a master of plotting and complicated plans,” said Katarina 29 slowly.

“The terrible disguise could be his way of showing that he’s onto us when he broke our codes,” said Katarina 30, gripping her dress. “He means for us to see him and know that he’s watching.”

“What should I do?” said Katarina.

“Get away from Lady Sophia and see if you can hide from him,” said Katarina 29.

Lady Katarina?

“Lady Katarina?” said Lady Sophia. “Are you well?”

“Just Katarina, please,” said Katarina absently.

“Y-you have to call me Sophia!” said Sophia and Katarina was momentarily stunned by the dazzle of her smile. Secret babies truly had incredible powers!

Now to see if she could finally use her true skills as the Inspector of Murder and Secret Babies.

“Sophia,” said Katarina solemnly, taking Sophia’s hands in hers, “it is vitally important that you show my most trusted maid servant, Anne, the location of this amazing repository of information and knowledge that you call your library while I investigate the Most Secret clues of…”

She looked around for a possible point of investigation in this gardenless yard… “the shrubbery.”

“Just like ‘The Perils of Paulina the Sorceress and her Man-Disguised Lady Maid’,” breathed Sophia. “We’ll be back soon.”

Katarina skillfully ignored the Look Anne gave her and was both shocked and more than a little proud that Anne actually followed Sophia as she strode very determinedly towards the house.

Katarina had no idea why Mr. Knife was concerned about her acting skills. She was the best.

Now…

“Based on the location of that window and her pace, I’ve probably got around twenty minutes before she gets back here,” said Katarina. “Lord Nicol may choose to follow her. We’ll know his intentions in a minute or so and then I can make my moves.”

She pretended to be inspecting an incredibly ugly hedge shaped to look something like a vomiting tea cup and smirked when she saw the two branches draw closer to her location.

“And there is Murderer Three,” said Katarina, with a savage grin. “Now let’s test his skills.”

For once, the Council was completely silent as she laid out her thoughts.

Katarina was surprised when Katarina 20 walked towards her and stopped just in front of her.

“I apologize for doubting you. It will be as you say, Katarina,” said Katarina 20 and bowed her head. As one, the remaining Council members bowed towards her.

Slightly shaken, Katarina blinked and then focused on what she was doing. “Best options…”

Katarina didn’t actually want to die. She could use a sword but it wasn’t fighting she was trying to test. Could she get away from the man who thought that pretending to be a bush was a good idea for stealth?

She glanced towards the forest at the edge of the hedges and her smile broadened. The Devilish Earl didn’t stand a chance.

Ten minutes later, carefully disguised by the branches at the top of the largest tree at the edge of the forest, Katarina let herself have a genuine, unnumbered grin. She had used all of her stealth to sneak through the hedges and shrubbery, backtracking and leaving false clues, and launched herself into the tree once out of sight of the house and the grounds. There was no way that the Devilish Earl-

A pale hand appeared on the branch below hers.

“Are we… playing a game?” said Lord Nicol. He suddenly gave a terrifying smile that hid the true depths of his potential depravity by pretending to be happy. “I’ve heard about these kinds of games. When I read Sophia’s books to her, they describe something like this.”

It took significantly less than ten minutes to make it back to the meeting spot. It took even less time to make it to the front door where a confused looking Anne and Sophia were emerging.

“Sophia!” said Katarina, wearing Expression 251 Sincere Delight and No Fear Whatsoever, “Alas, I must tear myself away from your beauty and secret babies, but I shall hold the joy of your existence forever in my heart.”

“Anne,” hissed Katarina out of the corner of her mouth, “we need to go. Right now.”

Katarina wasn’t sure how Anne did it, but a carriage appeared at the front of the estate within minutes, even as Katarina soothingly said how beautiful and delightful Princess Sophia was and how thoroughly she would hold the memories of their time together in her bosom. It was very subtle and Katarina took a deep breath when the carriage door opened.

A pale hand reached out as she was about to board the carriage and Katarina absently took it as she took her step upwards.

“Come play with me again,” Lord Nicol whispered in her ear as she entered into the carriage.

Katarina whirled around, staring at the boy looking up at her.

He smiled.

“Oh no,” said all the Katarinas as a single unified Katarina, as the carriage pulled away from the Ascart estate. “Oh no.”

Katarina was never returning to the Ascart estate. Despite losing a potential Secret Baby and Lady Friend, it was far too dangerous to risk meeting Nicol Ascart.

After a few days of fruitless searching on her own manor (Why weren’t there secret babies in the linen closet? It was warm in there!), Katarina admitted temporary defeat. She needed to go back to her first successful secret baby and determine where she was going wrong.

Firstly, she needed to deal with the problem she could actually solve.

Nicol Ascart could climb trees.

Since he didn’t follow her when she initially climbed into their window, there was a good chance that he didn’t know how to scale buildings.

It was too bad Katarina couldn’t just wear Keith’s clothing under her dress anymore. Katarina had promised Anne not to dress inappropriately while in public, including when she was climbing. She frowned. If she wanted to get away from Nicol, she was going to have to be able to scale buildings and climb publicly.

There had to be a solution.

“Kid, this is the ‘How to enter locked windows on the third story’ lesson not the ‘How to hide a knife under a skirt’ lesson,” said Mr. Knife.

Katarina put on Expression 241 Close to Tears for an Innocent Mistake. “I can’t climb in public dressed like Keith because Anne said-”

“Say no more, kiddo,” said Mr. Knife. “Great look by the way – make sure to make your eyes glisten a bit more.”

“As for this getup, it’s not impossible…” he paused and rubbed his chin with fingers roughly the size of small dogs. “Let me get changed and I’ll show you.”

Round Two of Katarina versus Secret Babies and the Devilish Earl did not get off to a promising start.

“These are,” said Katarina, dubiously holding ‘Passionate Flowers of Lady Blossoms’ by its corner, “the books that contain the information on secret babies?”

“Oh yes,” said Sophia with a breathy sigh.

Katarina looked at the book again – heaving bosoms greedily heaved bosomy and greedily-

“I don’t think I can break this code,” Katarina hissed to the Council.

“Maybe you should read more?” said Katarina 35 with a languid smile.

“Maybe,” said Katarina 16, looking unusually pale and tired, “you should try telling her what you are actually looking for?”

It wasn’t a terrible idea. A secret baby princess was high on the list of likely Katarina murderers, but she was also confident and courageous to survive in a foreign household surrounded by people who weren’t necessarily in full support of an illegitimate royal. With as much as she looked like the royal family, Katarina was amazed that she hadn’t been abducted before then. It was obvious that she was a valuable ally and potential Lady Friend.

“The truth is,” said Katarina slowly, starting on the least important thing she was seeking, “that my household has a problem with people who want to kill me. I think part of it is related to information about whether or not they are secret babies.”

Sophia straightened. “My father is the prime minister. If anyone was going to have records of ancestry it would be him and his library.”

Her face fell. “Is that why you wanted to meet with me?”

Katarina wondered how someone so confident and beautiful could so badly misinterpret other people’s motivations. It had to be a deliberate test. Maybe she didn’t want the relationship Katarina actually wanted? The only thing Katarina could do was ask.

“Well actually,” said Katarina feeling unaccountably shy, “I have no idea whether or not you can find information on secret babies and the secret places they must be stored. Mostly, I was hoping that you might be willing to be my Princess Lady Friend?”

Sophia stared at her.

“I know I don’t have your courage and confidence,” said Katarina, “but I’m willing to try hard.”

There was still no response.

Katarina’s shoulders slumped and she started moving back towards the door of the library.

“Wait!”

Katarina found herself spun around and solidly gripped by the shoulders. “Yes! Yes, I’ll be your Lady Friend! I’ll be your Princess! I’ll find every record in the house! Just… don’t go.”

Katarina blinked at Sophia, who was close enough that their bosoms were about to become acquainted.

“Perhaps,” said Anne, “this might be a good time to have some tea.”

Tea solved everything.

Except murder.

Katarina shuddered at the memory of that particular poisoning.

She had been extremely lucky that Nicol had been meeting with his tutors when she met with Sophia, but she suspected that her luck was not going to hold. It was important that she find out the important information and leave before he arrived.

If Katarina was very careful, she could probably reduce the chances that Sophia would put her on her murder list.

“So Princess Lady Friend,” said Katarina, “does being a secret baby give you strong desires to kill? What is your preferred murder? Do you have a list?”

Sophia’s eyes brightened. “’Serendipity Moonstar and the Bosoms of Eternity’ has some amazing murders. I did make a list of my favourites that I’d be happy to show you-”

A pale hand appeared beside Katarina’s tea cup and took her tea biscuit.

Katarina snarled mentally. Of course it was Nicol Ascart. Only a future murderer would also be a biscuit thief!

Her face was composed as she turned towards him.

“Lord Nicol,” said Katarina, “what an unexpected surprise.”

“Please call me Nicol,” said Lord Nicol, “since my sister gets to be called both Sophia and Princess.”

“How much did he spy on us?” growled Katarina 29 and 30. “And now we have to call him Nicol so that he won’t murder us?”

As the Council started growling and sputtering, Katarina realized that it was obviously time to make a strategic retreat.

“Princess,” said Katarina, “I’m afraid that we will need to discuss murder another day. I must return to my estate. Right now. For reasons. Goodbye, Nicol.”

She rose and attempted to leave when she realized that there was a hand on her arm.

“Aren’t you going to… ask me about murder?” said Nicol.

“I don’t want to know your thoughts about murder,” said Katarina, Katarina 29 and 30 visibly shuddering in the back of her mind.

“Oh,” said Nicol.

“Why is he disappointed?” shrieked Katarina 30.

“Or maybe,” said Katarina slowly, as a sudden brilliant plan occurred to her, “I do.”

Mr. Knife had told her once in his Respectable Commerce lesson that sometimes if you wanted to catch thieves you needed to use someone who understood thieves which is why it was good to hire other thieves. Katarina had gotten a bit confused at that point, but now the idea made perfect sense.

If Katarina wanted to catch murderers and solve her deaths, who would be better to use than the most vicious, cunning murderer of them all?

It was a flawless plan!

“You… want me to be your assistant?” said Nicol, blinking.

“We’ll help with Murders and find secret babies,” said Katarina. “With your brilliant conversational skills and my genius with interrogation, we’ll solve all the mysteries! Ascart manor must be full of secret passages and babies and baby secret passages.”

She frowned, thinking of the genius of murderer Nicol. “You’ll need some training to be my assistant, because obviously as good as you are at being interesting, you will not yet have fully developed your interrogation skills. You can call me ma’am.”

“Ma’am,” said Nicol, sketching a bow, “I look forward to your new games.”

“I look forward,” said Sophia, with a queer expression on her face, “to our games together.”

They turned to look at one another and Katarina smiled genuinely.

It was really nice to see siblings who actually got along with one another.

“Did you really read all of the books in Sophia’s collection?” said Katarina, staring at Nicol with wide eyes. “That’s almost as interesting as your description of all of the different sizes of horse shoes in the barn. You really are too interesting for your own good.”

“Katarina,” said Sophia, doing something strange where her eyelashes went up and down very rapidly, “I’ve found the most interesting description of potential secret babies in the manor registry.”

“Oh wow,” said Katarina, “I’ll come right away!”

As she turned away, she wondered why Nicol was frowning.

“I can provide you with a horse if you want to see our Secret Hill,” said Nicol. “The view is very good and probably helpful for spotting secret babies.”

“No,” said Katarina, shaking her head vigorously. “You are not going to distract me with your cunning and conversation. I am sure that there is a hidden panel somewhere along this wall.”

“May I assist you, ma’am?” said Nicol.

“You are such a good assistant,” said Katarina approvingly.

Nicol’s eyes briefly fluttered closed, but he started checking the wall of the study with a systematic thoroughness that Katarina admired.

It was almost enough to distract Katarina from the light approaching footsteps and soft voice in the hallway.

“Oh,” said Nicol, in a strange tone of voice, “it looks like I’ve found a hidden door. We better go explore it immediately.”

“Is that where you are hiding the secret babies?” said Katarina, deeply suspicious of his sudden discovery.

Nicol grinned. “Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

As she took his hand and stepped into the surprisingly well-lit secret passage, Anne at her back, Katarina wondered why the closing door seemed to be cutting off the sounds of someone running towards them.

As exciting as the many secret passages were around the Ascart manor, Katarina had yet to find a single stack of secret babies. It was becoming obvious to her that she was going to have to pool her forces.

Arranging a meeting with the Ascarts and the rest of her people had been incredibly easy. They all seemed so enthusiastic to meet one another!

It made Katarina a little bit nervous.

“Now we’ve gone over this before, but you both understand the rules,” said Katarina.

“I won’t intimidate these… people with my confidence and courage,” said Sophia, a strange smile on her face.

“And I won’t dazzle them with how interesting I am,” said Nicol in a completely even tone of voice.

“Good,” said Katarina. “There’s only one last thing to remember.”

“Don’t even think of sparkling!” said Katarina, shaking her finger vigorously.

She reached out and they each took one of her hands as she walked into the room.

She was pleased that Keith, Alan, and Mary were all looking very serious. Maybe they were immune to the sparkling?

It gave her the confidence to raise Sophia’s hand in the air.

“This is my Princess Lady Friend Sophia Ascart,” said Katarina. “She’s helping with information gathering and secret babies. She’s very confident and brave.”

Katarina wondered whether Mary’s throat was sore. It must have hurt to growl like that.

Strangely, Sophia seemed to straighten even more when she heard the sound. When she spoke she sounded like the princess she was. “You may call me Sophia, as you appear to be acquainted with my dear Lady Friend, Katarina.”

Katarina was really going to have to get something for Mary’s throat and maybe her hands? It had to hurt to clench them like that.

Katarina decided to hurry the second set of introductions, lifting Nicol’s hand.

“This is my assistant, Nicol Ascart,” said Katarina. “He’s the most interesting man in the world and he is going to help me with Murders.”

Mary visibly pouted. “Why can’t I help you with Murders?”

“And why,” said Keith, his voice much darker than Katarina would have expected, “do you need help with secret babies and murder?”

Katarina looked around at the circle of people who were hers through negotiation, through trickery, through mutual exchange, but still hers.

She didn’t, couldn’t tell them everything, but it was time to stop thinking she could do everything by herself.

“There’s something wrong with our household servants. I know that Duke and Duchess Claes are causing some… issues with managing the household, but the gentry shouldn’t be as openly hostile as they are.”

Katarina wondered why Keith briefly startled before settling into an even darker expression.

“At this rate, Keith and I are going to be fending off multiple assassinations a week and probably dead before we get to the Academy of Magic. Fortunately, I’ve noticed a few connections that I’ve already shared with our new colleagues.”

“Tell us-” said Mary, her eyes glinting.

“-more,” said Alan and Keith.

Some time after Katarina turned thirteen, things started to change.

While there were in fact a surprising number of secret babies on staff, there seemed to be no pattern as to which ones were murderous and which ones weren’t. Finding the secret babies’ secret babies was turning out to be a massive headache and Katarina was getting increasingly frustrated. She was still exploring Ascart manor for murder clues and valuable information that Sophia could provide, but nothing was becoming any clearer.

If she was honest with herself, which wasn’t always something she liked to be, it wasn’t just the uncertainty about murder that was leading to frustration. Katarina sometimes wondered if her people had a special secret kind of magic that only they practiced because sometimes…

Sometimes…

Really, like many things, it started with Mary.

Mary had been a key partner in trying to get further information about the household staff. Brilliant, beautiful Mary had a surprising talent for making people confess to bad things they were planning, probably because they were dazzled by Mary’s beauty.

On one of the days where they were discussing results of the household investigations, she and Mary were curled up on the loveseat together as normal when Mary looked over at her with a completely unfamiliar expression on her face.

“Hold still,” said Mary, her long, slender fingers reaching out and grasping a piece of hair that had escaped Katarina’s hair clip.

Katarina stopped breathing.

Mary smelled a little like honey and Katarina felt as if she was being pulled towards her as Mary carefully, slowly wound her fingers through the loose strand of Katarina’s hair.

Mary drew closer and closer and she was within a breath of Katarina’s breath and Katarina’s head felt heavy and thick with honey –

“There,” said Mary, her voice dark and low. “All fixed.”

Katarina blinked and Mary was sitting in front of her, her smile harmless and her eyes dark.

“Fixed what?” said Katarina, blinking.

Mary smiled. “Anything you need me to.”

That was only the first piece of strange magic.

It had occurred to Katarina that while books could contain codes about secret babies, they could also potentially contain information about other subjects relevant to her plans.

It was while she was staring blankly at the Ascart bookshelf that someone came up behind her, so close that Katarina could feel their breath on the fine hairs on Katarina’s neck.

“Can I help?” said Sophia Ascart.

Shivering slightly, Katarina turned towards her, wondering why she felt like she was moving through mud.

“These books,” said Katarina slowly, careful to be subtle about her intentions, “do they have lots of stories about traveling to different lands? Stories about escaping ducal manors? Plans on how to infiltrate places with money and luxury goods?”

“Oh yes,” said Sophia, her eyes bright. “They also have lots of stories about the passionate love that dares not speak its name. Two women, who have no need of men, meeting and-”

Katarina brightened. “They have stories about Lady Friends?”

Sophia smiled and Katarina felt a strange shiver go the length of her spine. “Let me show you, Katarina. I want to be… of use.”

Lady Friends at least made some sense for being… drawn towards them, but Katarina was terrified that she was going to betray her deepest convictions for people who, despite her deep denials, could someday become Men.

Katarina still wasn’t quite sure how she was going to use her violin skills but some deep buried instinct told her it was important and, since Katarina couldn’t trust anything else, she had to trust her instincts.

Alan’s patience was welcome when Katarina had no patience for herself and, if sometimes, her breath caught when he was demonstrating the correct way to play, Katarina certainly wasn’t going to admit that to herself.

After the violin lesson, Alan seemed oddly reluctant to leave. Katarina wondered if he thought she didn’t know how to take care of her violin and she was mildly offended by his lack of trust. She had only snapped the one bow!

“You know my brother’s an idiot,” said Alan, leaning against the entrance to the salon.

“He’s probably not actually an idiot,” said Katarina, blinking. “It must seem like it though in comparison to, well- With a brother like you, he must have developed a massive inferiority complex.”

Alan looked oddly like he was halfway between laughing and crying. “That’s not… You know what? You’re right. Jeord… has a massive inferiority complex. Because of me.”

And then he started laughing so hard that he was bent in half and tears were coming out of the corner of his eyes. As he finished, he slid down the wall so that he was sitting on the floor, leaning his head against the wallpaper with his eyes closed.

When he opened his eyes again, there was a strange look in them that made Katarina unconsciously pause as she reached out to see if he was hurt.

“He will though,” said Alan softly.

“After all,” he continued, gently taking Katarina’s hand and looking up at her with such an intense gaze that she swayed towards him, “he doesn’t have a talented partner to help him get better.”

Even the threat of gruesome murder was apparently not enough of a deterrent to the thickening of her blood and the painful ache in her heart.

Begrudgingly, the Katarina Council had been forced to concede that making Nicol Katarina’s assistant had been a good idea.

Nicol was a really good assistant.

He just needed training.

He needed a lot of training.

“I need to think,” said Katarina, tapping her chin. “The records indicate that something as ugly as this hedge should be concealing secrets, because nobody could have possibly designed it deliberately as a decoration.”

Sophia and Nicol exchanged an unreadable look.

Nicol stepped towards Katarina, reaching his hand out to the hedge. “The tender branches of greenery rise like an opening heart, emerald and pure.”

Katarina frowned. It was supposed to be a heart? It looked more like something that one of the barn cats had vomited on her feet.

“That’s… that’s from ‘Sophia and the Emerald Princess’!” said Sophia.

Katarina was barely paying attention to her because Nicol was going to need even more training than she thought.

“Can you stop being interesting for two minutes?” said Katarina in frustration. “I need to think.”

“If my silence serves as a better voice, then I will seal my mouth for your ears,” said Nicol.

“That’s better,” said Katarina in satisfaction.

Katarina wondered why Sophia was sputtering.

“You… you…” said Sophia, staring at Nicol.

Katarina resigned herself to temporarily stopping the investigation. “Is something wrong?”

Nicol turned towards Katarina with wide eyes. “The brilliance of your heart dazzles those who dwell within your shadows.”

Katarina frowned. She wasn’t quite smart enough to put together the fascinating thoughts from Nicol and was…Sophia growling?

Sophia started to speak, “He’s memorized-”

-and was abruptly cut off. She looked even more beautiful with her brother’s hand covering her mouth. Wait. Katarina frowned. “Nicol, what did I tell you about proper assistant behaviour?”

She’d warned him about intimidating people into silence with his brilliant conversation. Admittedly, he normally didn’t need to touch people to do it, but still, the principle held!

“Sorry ma’am,” said Nicol, his eyes wide and his smile not yet close to Devilish Earl standards. “It won’t happen again.”

Katarina frowned. He didn’t really look sorry, but at least he did apologize.

Then Nicol was in front of her and taking her hand in his and looking up at her through those impossibly long eyelashes.

“After all,” said Nicol, “I live to serve.”

Before Katarina could think (or breathe), Nicol gently pressed his lips to the flesh of her palm and the bolt of electrical magic from his touch temporarily made the Katarina Council disappear.

“You…” said Katarina, her lips white, “are going to kill me.”

Nicol smiled. “If that is what you desire.”

Katarina could have lived with the side effects of an obviously magic-induced daze, if it hadn’t become obvious that the only person affected was…

…her.

Katarina hadn’t meant to arrive early at Mary’s estate. Keith had been called for another lesson and, since their joint lesson had finished early, Katarina had decided to leave a little earlier than she had planned.

Standing outside the partially opened door, watching Mary and Alan lean towards one another, completely unaware of her presence, she didn’t understand why she felt like she had made a terrible mistake.

It was right that they were meeting. They were fiancés. They should be meeting privately. It was her own fault for arriving at the estate early. She should have waited in the parlour until someone came and announced her.

Katarina took a deep, shaky breath, preparing herself to turn-

“So what is the latest information on Prince Jeord’s engagement?” said Mary.

-and froze in place.

“He’s under pressure,” said Alan. “It’s been too long without contact now. He has no way of admitting he’s done something wrong-”

“-without losing face,” said Mary, nodding. “Their majesties must be furious. He’s making a mockery of one of the most powerful families in the kingdom and he needs excuses.”

“He isn’t getting them,” said Alan with a surprisingly sharp smile. “Every time he implies something unflattering about Katarina, I talk to the people he spoke to and talk about how upset I’d be if someone implied something bad about my dear fiancée’s amazing best friend.”

Katarina couldn’t breathe.

Alan frowned, and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not that hard – you know how she is when people meet her.”

Katarina couldn’t understand the look they exchanged.

“Katarina is Katarina,” said Mary in a surprisingly soft tone of voice.

“The one group I can’t reach without causing political problems are the unmarried girls and women,” said Alan, frowning as if in concentration.

“I’ve taken care of it,” said Mary. “Half of them want to be in my position anyways, and it’s easy enough to… imply that there might be reasons Katarina would prefer my company to his.”

Alan raised an eyebrow. “You think that’ll help her?”

“Not those reasons,” said Mary. She paused. “Well, mostly not those reasons.”

Katarina felt as if the ground beneath her had suddenly become less solid. It wasn’t a surprise that Jeord was badmouthing the fiancée he hadn’t seen in years to distract from the fact that he… hadn’t seen his fiancée in years. Every single one of the Katarinas agreed that seemed perfectly in line with the Jeord of their life times. But why were Alan and Mary…

Katarina shook her head to reorganize her thoughts and realized that she had managed to miss part of the conversation.

“-see who wins in the end,” said Alan.

“I’m not going to lose,” said Mary giving a smile so beautiful that Katarina felt briefly blinded.

“I’m the demon prince of cunning and charisma,” said Alan with one of those world-controlling grins. “How can you win?”

Katarina broke away from the door with all the instinctive stealth of Mr. Knife’s lessons. She certainly wasn’t actually thinking about what she was doing as she stumbled down the hallway. She wasn’t sure why she was so unsettled. It was her own fault for spying on a fiancé’s meeting.

She forced herself to mentally shrug. If having competitions was how they were romantic with one another, who was she to judge? If there was a deeper, darker fear in her heart, Katarina hadn’t gotten this far by thinking too hard about things that scared her.

In an effort to shake whatever it was that was making her think strange thoughts, Katarina started spending significantly more time at the Ascart estate. Unfortunately, other than irritating Keith, who was not allowed to come with her most of the time, the investigations at the Ascarts started to become a little… strange.

“It’s a pleasure to see you, ma’am,” said Nicol. “I’ve prepared some prime investigations for us to explore.”

“Well I,” said Sophia through gritted teeth, “have a large selection of important information that I need to discuss with you.”

“I’ve got a potential secret entrance in the cellar,” said Nicol, with a smile.

“Really?” said Katarina.

“I’ve got a story about how to hide under things to stowaway on a boat,” said Sophia, waving it in the air.

“Oh wow,” said Katarina swaying towards her.

Katarina tried to start walking but realized she couldn’t move. She looked down. There was a hand on her arm that seemed to be attached to her assistant.

“Ma’am,” said Nicol, “don’t we need to search for secret babies in the cellar?”

“Can’t we do both?” said Katarina plaintively.

“No,” said Sophia, an unfamiliar hardness in her voice. “I don’t think that we can.”

Katarina was shaken when she went back to her estate. The Ascarts both seemed so angry that she’d made an excuse and left immediately. She wasn’t sure how she offended them, but it seemed like she was likely to make Sophia want to murder her in this life as well as Nicol.

“What am I doing wrong?” she said plaintively.

Katarina 11 took a deep swig from her flask and stared off into the horizon. “If you take and take and take eventually there’s nothing left to take.”

Katarina was horrified. “I haven’t made a real bargain with them where they get something of equal value. No wonder they want to murder me! I can fix this!”

She deflated almost immediately. “What could I possibly offer them?”

“Potential murder victims,” hissed Katarina 29, who Katarina promptly ignored.

“There’s some good stuff in the cellars,” said Katarina 11 with a small hiccup.

“Good stuff?” said Katarina.

“Alcohol,” said Katarina 11 rotating her flask in her hand, “makes everything better or at least fuzzier.”

Katarina frowned. Alcohol seemed difficult to get and it was mostly served at…

…parties…

Parties!

Katarina vaguely understood that both Sophia and Nicol did not enjoy parties. In fact, Princess Lady Friend had not officially attended a party for some years. The situation excited Katarina, because it finally seemed as if she could offer something of value to the siblings and to Sophia in particular.

It took no time at all to arrange another meeting with the Ascarts and to barrel into her proposition.

“Sophia, I know that parties can be a trial for you. I can see how someone as beautiful and confident as you are could intimidate the other guests,” said Katarina, trying not to let her nerves show.

She brightened. “If you stand beside me, my lack of beauty and charisma will help balance out your dazzling smile. It’s working wonders for Alan!”

She grasped Sophia’s hands in hers and hurried out her proposition. “Please come to the next party and I’ll show you how useful I can be!”

Sophia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Yes, I’ll come to the next party.”

See, thought Katarina smugly, it was all about providing the right incentive.

Nicol looked surprisingly worried. “Sophia…”

“No,” said Sophia, an unfamiliar expression on her face. “I-I’m Princess Sophia. I’m confident and brave!”

“Of course you are,” said Katarina, thinking about how poorly the written Sophia matched to the real Sophia, “you’re much better than any story.”

“Maybe,” said Nicol, a look of realization on his face, “it’s because you have a better writer now.”

Katarina had no idea what those strange words meant, but they stuck with her like an itch in the back of her mind. They were still bothering her when she finally arrived at the party and took Sophia’s arm in hers.

She only got to tell both Mary and Sophia how beautiful and amazing they were three or four times because she was so distracted. To be fair, there were also an unusually large number of people coming up to her and becoming distracted by Sophia’s beauty. It was easy enough for Katarina to point out that they shouldn’t be intimidated by Sophia’s incredible beauty and charm and for them to either leave or start shy conversations with her.

Katarina was rather smug.

It was exactly as she had thought! Putting the Katarina-charm-dampening shield beside charming people made it much easier for other people to approach them!

She wasn’t sure why Alan and Keith looked annoyed but when she mentioned how incredibly brilliant and gorgeous they were to the higher ranked nobles they seemed to relax.

The only thing missing was Nicol and Katarina started scanning the ballroom to see if he was present. Alan had assured her that Jeord wouldn’t be attending so she was able to relax more than normal. At least she would be able to relax, once she saw Nicol.

As she was scanning, she started to notice something she hadn’t observed at previous special parties, since she had been too busy being worried about encountering Jeord.

There was one strange man who kept going up to the groups of younger guests and standing far too close to the younger heirs. Katarina thought he had been introduced as a Count, but he bothered her enough that she had paid no attention to any other information provided. He was still bothering her when he disappeared from view and Katarina had finally given up and convinced Sophia to go find Nicol.

“Is something wrong?” said Keith, looking intently into her eyes.

“The Count, that man in the purple cravat…” said Katarina. There was something about him that was both familiar and frightening and she didn’t quite know why.

“You’re quite right, my lady. Why is someone like him at this sort of party?” said Keith. “And why was he looking at the heirs that way?”

Katarina heard the tone underneath Keith’s words and she froze in place. “They let a Monster into this party?”

Alan turned towards her and the look in his eyes matched the loathing in her own.

“Everyone knows he’s a worm,” Alan said, his lip curling upwards. “He’s not that high ranking, but he knows too many secrets and the lords are all cowards.”

Mary smiled lazily. “Well, we’ve put plans in place for just this kind of thing, haven’t we? Didn’t Mr. Knife tell us to practice our skills?”

Katarina wondered why they were all looking at her but before she could say anything, Sophia appeared in front of them as if she had been running a race.

“The Count told Nicol to come with him and he went,” said Sophia, her breath coming in gasps. “Nicol doesn’t want to hurt Father’s reputation and he just went and that man, he goes to bad places and does things-”

“I’ll take care of it,” said Katarina. “Did you see where he went?”

Sophia stuttered out a room on the third floor and Katarina turned to Mary and Alan. “Can you two keep Anne distracted? Then… just like we practiced.”

They nodded and Keith met her eyes and nodded as well.

There wasn’t time for hallways and servants and stupid questions. Katarina climbed the wall of the manor with a single-minded determination that brought her to the right window in minutes. It was easy to open the window, easy to slide quietly into the room, easy to see the scene in front of her.

The man had his hand on Nicol’s shoulder. Nicol’s fists were clenched and his lips were pale and his eyes were wide and Katarina tasted blood.

“Take your hands off my assistant,” said Katarina, storming over to the rude man. “He doesn’t like it when you touch him, so you shouldn’t touch him.”

“He’ll like what I say he’ll like,” said the worm.

Katarina moved.

The worm screamed very nicely when she hit the parts that Mr. Knife had recommended and collapsed on the floor on his face. There was just one final part of the lesson she had to use.

“Did I stutter?” said Katarina, her knee pressed firmly into the back of the worm with bad hearing. “Was I somehow unclear about what I was saying?”

The pathetic thing whimpered and Katarina dug her knee further into his back.

“You think,” said Katarina, in the conversational tone of voice that she’d practiced with Mr. Knife, “that you are going to walk out of this room and spread bad rumours about myself and Lord Nicol. So why don’t I tell you how this is going to go?”

“When you leave this room, you are going to leave the party immediately and tell all of your friends that it’s rude to touch people without permission.” Katarina smiled as she turned the worm’s head to face her. She liked the look of the whites of his eyes. “If you do exactly as I say, you might only be stripped of your land and sent to the border to chop wood for the next ten years.”

“How can you-” said the worm who was very hard of hearing.

“You don’t need your tongue to chop wood,” said Katarina.

When she rose from his back, there was a large wet spot on his pants as he scrambled upwards and raced out of the door.

Katarina turned back towards Nicol who was standing as still as a statue.

“Nobody touches you unless you want them to touch you,” said Katarina. “That’s the rule. As my assistant, you need to learn how to enforce that rule. I’ll get you a teacher.”

Nicol stared at her.

Katarina spoke softly, like she sometimes did when Keith forgot where he was at night. “Do you want me to get Sophia?”

“Can we,” said Nicol, “sit on the sofa together?”

As soon as they sat down, Nicol melted into her side. “I want you to touch me.”

“Like this?” Katarina said, gently pulling him into her arms and rocking him very slowly. He nodded against her and she hummed softly as his shoulders started to shake.

When Keith entered the room and nodded at her, she bared her teeth in a welcoming smile. “I might have lied to the Count about providing a future job in wood chopping.”

Keith bared his teeth back at her. “That’s fine, my lady. We let him know exactly what kind of chopping to expect.”

Millidiana stopped Katarina in the hallway a couple of days after the party. “I understand that someone at the party you attended was revealed to like to hurt children. Did he…”

“Don’t worry,” said Katarina, Expression 295 Incomprehension and Innocence firmly fixed to her face, “I behaved perfectly.”

Katarina knew that Nicol was not fine, but he was Nicol and he insisted that Katarina come continue her search with him and Sophia.

He and Sophia exchanged very quick glances when she arrived.

“I’ve got a map of potential secret locations in the house from my book. I’ll be the navigator,” said Sophia.

Nicol smiled. “I’ll help with collecting clues once we reach the locations of interest.”

“Let’s go!” said Sophia and Katarina admired the way she glowed with enthusiasm as she strode off down the hallway.

Katarina started to follow, but she felt a firm weight on her arm holding her in place.

“Jeord is…” said Nicol, trailing off before he finished. For a brief moment, Katarina could see the Devilish Earl in his face.

“What?” said Katarina, starting to feel worried by his silence.

“Never mind, ma’am,” said Nicol, with a perfectly normal smile, “let’s go check the pantry for clues.”

Katarina could not remember the last time she had seen Duke Claes. Admittedly, that was partly because the nightmares were always worse after she saw him and she was deliberately avoiding him, but it had been longer than she could remember that she had seen his face.

She did not expect to see him staring down at her as she lay wrapped up in Keith’s arms in the middle of the night.

“What,” said the face and voice from her nightmares, “is going on here?”

Katarina kept her grip on Keith’s hand even as they stood in the Duke’s office in their nightclothes.

“I did not,” said Duke Claes, staring directly at Keith, “believe that my hospitality could possibly be abused in such a way. I insisted that the rumours must be false.”

“Imagine,” the Duke continued, with the barest hint of a snarl, “my surprise when I opened my beloved daughter’s bedroom door and saw-”

He hadn’t even looked at her, thought Katarina. Not once.

“-this!” As the Duke’s fist hit his desk, papers and objects scattered across the room. It almost looked like snow.

“Tell me,” said Duke Claes, his voice as cold as the snow the paper imitated, “why I should not revoke your status as heir and remove you from the house.”

“What are you saying?” said someone. Katarina thought it might have been her.

Duke Claes seemed to be unable to meet her eyes. “As sheltered as you have been, you may not have been made aware that boys and men can cause harm to women if they lie with them. A boy sleeping in your bedroom could get you with child-”

Katarina could feel the pressure and fury building inside her, the Council united as a single force of rage. She was amazed that the voice that emerged was cold and utterly, completely controlled.

“We all know that you are capable of humiliating my mother, impregnating a woman and abandoning your resulting son to monsters, but insisting that this precious person is the same kind of uncontrolled monster as yourself is-”

“Katarina,” said the Duke, his face as white as milk. “Keith is not my son.”

“You dare,” said Katarina. “You dare to abandon him even further. You are not worthy to speak his name, you-”

Suddenly, Katarina realized that she was going to be the first Katarina to not even survive to fifteen years of age because she was going to be executed for the murder of the Duke.

Suddenly, because he knew her as well as they both knew their arms and hands, Keith’s arms were around her and his head was pressed against hers.

“Katarina,” said Keith. “He’s telling the truth.”

“What?” said Katarina.

“The man who impregnated my mother was the head of the household where I was raised. That was made very, very clear to me even as a small child. That man was an eighth cousin of Duke Claes.”

“The Monster?” said Katarina.

“Yes,” said Keith.

“My darling boy,” said Katarina, turning in his arms so that she faced him as she spoke, “do you want me to destroy him for you?”

“My lady,” said Keith. “My Lioness.”

There was a strange, strangled noise from somewhere behind them that Katarina promptly ignored.

“Come,” said Katarina. “We’re leaving.”

She turned once more to glare fiercely at Duke Claes. “The least you can do, you complete idiot, is make sure my mother understands the situation better than I did.”

As much as she wanted to, it would serve no purpose to bring up the Duke’s other actual illegitimate children.

“A lioness and a wolf,” said a familiar voice from somewhere behind her.

Katarina spun towards the door where Millidiana was leaning against the door frame, an unreadable expression on her face.

She gave a deceptively lazy-looking wave. “I think that you had both better leave now. Duke Claes and I need to talk.”

Once they were safely in the hallway, Katarina and Keith exchanged glances.

“Do you think that you’ll be the Duke by tomorrow morning?” said Katarina.

“I hope not,” said Keith. “I don’t know how to walk in that coronet.”

Keith was not the Duke by the next morning.

“There will be,” said Duke Claes, his arm very loosely around a slightly less irritated-looking Millidiana, “some changes in this household.”

Keith and Katarina stared at them blankly.

Millidiana and Duke Claes exchanged looks and the Duke cleared his throat. “Keith, could you come speak with me for a moment?”

Keith looked back over his shoulder as he followed after the Duke and Katarina was struck with such a strong sense of foreboding that she nearly collapsed to the ground.

The Council had no answers for her, but the foreboding only got stronger as Katarina passed the day without another sighting of Keith. Her relief was considerable when she went to their bedroom and saw him standing in front of their bed.

Then she took a closer look.

Keith looked paler than she had ever seen him. “I can’t sleep here anymore. The Duke said-”

“I thought we solved that,” said Katarina, panic rising in her throat. “The Duke was wrong and what he said was wrong and everything is going to be fine now.”

He had, she realized in increasing horror, had a separate, private talk with the Duke.

Keith looked like he was going to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina, even as Keith bolted from the room.

“Keith,” said Katarina to the open door. “Keith!”

Keith didn’t come back.

Katarina hadn’t realized how bad the nightmares would be without her-

without her-

kniferopeweightchokingbleedingburningpainpain

I’m glad you’re gone.

She spent the night screaming.

And the next night.

And the next.

The next night, after their new, painfully awkward “family” dinner, Keith put his arm around Katarina’s waist and visibly walked with her back to her bedroom.

“It’s a good thing that I didn’t remove anything from the wardrobe, my lady,” said Keith as he pulled her down to sit beside him, his arm still around her waist.

Katarina felt the unfamiliar rise of something like hope, even when Duke Claes appeared in the doorway.

“We discussed this,” he said. “You cannot continue to sleep in this bedroom.”

“Do you intend to revoke my status as heir and remove me from the house?” said Keith, sounding almost bored.

“No!” said Duke Claes. Katarina didn’t understand why he almost seemed hurt.

The Duke continued, sounding strangely tired. “Whether or not you see one another as brother and sister-”

“We don’t,” said Keith.

The Duke startled and his voice was rather shaken as he continued. “Katarina has a reputation to uphold. You can’t sit on her bed with your arm around her waist. Her engagement-”

Keith did not remove his arm from Katarina’s waist. “You mean the engagement to the prince who has never once come to see her and constantly makes insinuations about her temperament and character in society? That engagement?”

“What?” said Duke Claes, his voice like thunder.

“If you had bothered,” said Keith, his teeth bared, his voice barely more than a snarl, “to attend a single event with Kat-”

Katarina placed her hand over his. “Please, Keith.”

Keith’s words cut off with an almost feral snap of his teeth.

The Duke visibly pulled himself together. “Be that as it may, we’ve already discussed the harm you could do to Katarina if you continue to share a bedchamber-”

“I would rather,” said Keith, his voice as bland and even as if he was discussing what he wanted for breakfast, “cut out my own heart than hurt Katarina.”

Oh.

“Oh,” said Katarina 2 (death by events that were no longer relevant). “Oh…”

Katarina was crying.

She didn’t know why she was crying.

It was a relief to know that the services that she could offer Keith were so valuable that he had permanently removed her from the list of people he could potentially harm. She would have to work hard to stay useful to him.

Why was she crying?

“I’m here, my lady,” said Keith, his arms strong and warm and sa-

Katarina leaned into his shoulder and sobbed so hard that she felt like she was choking.

Duke Claes’ voice was weak and shaking. “She’s still engaged.”

“That,” said Keith Claes, heir presumptive to the Claes dukedom, “is your problem. Not mine.”

Chapter Text

Chapter Five: The Fifth Miscalculation (Jeord Remix)

After fourteen years of interfering servants and six years of murdered Katarinas in her head, Katarina had learned to recognize the beginnings of an intervention.

Glaring at the rather nervous-looking Council members, Katarina crossed her arms and started tapping her foot. “I was warm and Keith’s snoring is hilarious, so why did you feel the need to interrupt me?”

“Do you really think,” said Katarina 20 (death by blood loss from a man far inferior to Katarina’s people) in an obvious attempt at a gentle tone, “that it is wise to take all of your tutoring lessons from Mr. Knife?”

“Mr. Knife knows everything,” said Katarina. She frowned. “Well, not everything, but all of the actually useful things.”

“He has a very specialized skill set,” said Katarina 2 (not entirely sure what she has to offer at this point), pushing her glasses up with a sigh. “Sometimes it’s useful to get more than one perspective on important issues.”

“I still take magic lessons with other people,” said Katarina defensively. She made an even more sour face. “And consort training.”

“Which,” said Katarina 20, “you don’t even need to take.”

“But Keith does,” said Katarina.

Katarina settled in to defend that choice, but surprisingly, the Council just nodded and moved forwards.

“I guess what we’re trying to understand,” said Katarina 18 (death by ice cleanly through the heart and the person wielding the ice was irrelevant, wasn’t it?), raising her hands in placation, “is why you’re so opposed to the specialist tutors that can really provide depth in the skills you need to survive.”

“They hate me,” said Katarina. “Mr. Knife doesn’t hate me.”

“She’s not wrong,” said Katarina 17 (death by tutor’s magic) softly.

“Besides,” said Katarina, sensing the Council wavering, “what could those useless idiots teach me that Mr. Knife couldn’t teach me?”

“Kid,” said Mr. Knife, looking uncomfortable for the first time since Katarina had met him, “I don’t have any lessons on how to make parents behave at parties.”

“What do you mean you don’t have any lessons?” said Katarina, staring at Mr. Knife with wide shocked eyes. “You always have lessons!”

“Parents are…” Mr. Knife swallowed very hard, “not my area of specialty.”

Katarina frowned. There had to be a way to get Mr. Knife to help. Mr. Knife always helped.

Suddenly realizing how she normally won arguments, Katarina tried to suppress her sly grin and looked up at Mr. Knife from under her eyelashes.

“So,” said Katarina, in her sweetest voice, “what would you do if you were at a party and your mother was at the party and Anne-”

“My mother…” Mr. Knife’s eyes shut and he took a deep breath. “Look kid, you want my advice?”

“Yes!” said Katarina, leaning forward in anticipation.

Mr. Knife gave her a dark, unimpressed look. “You ain’t nearly as clever as you think you are. Your parents know that.”

“That’s not advice!” said Katarina, both offended and a little scared.

“Believe me,” said Mr. Knife with a full-body shudder, “it is.”

At least Katarina didn’t have to worry about Jeord.

Alan had assured her that he didn’t plan to attend the party and it was a small relief in an otherwise miserable evening.

Because while Jeord didn’t plan to attend…

Katarina exchanged a look with Keith and they both took a deeper drink from their glasses, wincing as the loud voice behind them somehow got even louder.

“Tell me again,” said Mary, an unreadable look on her face, “why all of our parents decided to attend tonight’s party?”

“Except yours,” she said, nodding at Alan, who graciously waved in response.

“I have no idea,” said Katarina miserably. “The Duke and Millidiana have never attended a party with me or Keith. Mr. Knife wouldn’t even give me any lessons to reduce the effects of-”

A loud laugh pierced through all of the considerable noise in the ballroom.

“-this.”

“Father said something about consolidating factional support amongst the heirs,” said Nicol. “Since that makes no sense, I can only assume that he intends to get drunk and tell terrible stories in loud voices with his friends in an effort to make us regret our life choices.”

“You are the best assistant in the world for warning me about this ahead of time,” said Katarina fervently. “You put clues together so well.”

Katarina admired the way the pink rose on Nicol’s cheeks as his eyes briefly closed.

“The Duke and Duchess had no intention of letting us know until we were leaving,” said Keith grimly. “Personally, I think they want to test us in a social situation.”

“They didn’t even let me bring Anne,” said Katarina.

All of her people shuddered in unison.

“At least it’s keeping the normal hangers-on away from us,” said Alan, with a smile that was much less bright than normal.

When he continued speaking it was almost hesitant, in a way that Katarina didn’t associate with him. “Is it really that bad to have your parents come to a party and talk about how wonderful you are?”

“They’re embarrassing,” said Katarina through gritted teeth, exchanging a look of complete understanding with Keith. Also, they had no right to talk about her and Keith as if they knew them, as if they…

Nicol and Sophia nodded fervently. Mary, on the other hand, appeared to be distracted.

“I think, Katarina,” said Mary in a tone of utter fascination, “that your mother just threatened to remove that Baron’s lower half without even speaking.”

Mary turned a speculative look on Katarina. “You’re going to look a lot like your mother, aren’t you?”

Katarina wasn’t quite sure what that spark in her Lady Friend’s eyes was, but she suspected that she needed to kill it. Quickly.

Luckily, Sophia seemed to sense Katarina’s distress and moved to her side, leaning against her shoulder as she twined their arms together. “Katarina’s going to be much more attractive than Duchess Claes.”

Katarina began to have a dim sense that she might have lost control of the situation.

“May I touch?” said Sophia and Katarina nodded without thinking.

Sophia took Katarina’s face in her hands with the intense gaze of an artist inspecting their work. “Just look at her cheekbones.”

Mary came over to join Sophia, staring intently at Katarina’s face as Katarina blinked at her.

“True,” she said, “the curve of her brow-”

“Maybe,” hissed Alan, “you should save the artistic speculation for somewhere that isn’t a crowded ballroom.”

Mary’s smile bloomed. “Oh yes, we should definitely have a girl’s party of artistic appreciation. It’s just so unfortunate that you can’t stay overnight with us, isn’t it, Alan?”

“I don’t see why not,” said Nicol with one of those increasingly interesting smiles he had started using. “After all, doesn’t Keith have the ability to invite artistic admirers, too?”

“As much as I am an art enthusiast,” said Katarina dryly, “perhaps you should save the flirting with one another for when our parents aren’t watching us and whispering to one another?”

She tried to ignore the sour note in her stomach and be glad that everyone was getting along so well. It wasn’t their fault that she was unable to generate flirtatious interest except as part of a joke. After all, even her best tricks couldn’t make people love her.

It was amazing how quickly everyone returned to their normal postures and positions, although Katarina noticed that Keith had moved in between her and Sophia and Mary had remained beside her once everyone had resettled.

Honestly, parties were exhausting. Her people were fine, but parents were a complication that Katarina really didn’t want to add to her already considerable list of complications.

The only brief moment of relief in this was that there was no way that her parents were the ones making squeaking noises.

Wait-

Why could Katarina hear squeaking?

“I thought,” said Sophia, an unreadable look in her eyes as she turned to Alan, “that you said that Prince Jeord wasn’t coming tonight.”

“He said he wasn’t…” Alan’s gaze turned as dark as she had ever seen it.

He abruptly turned towards Katarina including Mary and Keith in the sweep of his arm. “You have to leave. Now. Both of them might be enough to keep you out of view long enough to get to the garden. There’s a hedge maze and you’re going to need to get as deep into it as you can for the rest of the party. Go straight to the carriages afterwards.”

Katarina had never seen Alan quite so fierce when laying out his plans and she had no desire to argue with the undertone of desperation in his voice. She saw the way he nodded at Nicol and noticed them both moving towards the noise of the boots as she hastily exited with Keith and Mary.

As she reached the door to the outside, she heard Sophia’s voice, louder than Katarina had ever heard it before. “I am so sorry, your highness. How clumsy of me! Would you like a handerkerchief to clean up the drink?”

“Nearly there,” said Mary, skillfully maneuvering the three of them through the door and into the garden.

“The hedge maze entrance is about five minutes from the door,” said Keith peering into the fading light.

“Why can I still hear squeaking?” said Katarina with a frown.

Mary shrugged. “The Prince is probably just making a circuit of the ballroom. The squeaking should get quieter the further we get from the manor.”

The squeaking did not get quieter the further they got from the manor.

In fact, the squeaking noises grew increasingly louder as they moved closer to the entrance to the hedge maze and Katarina felt herself growing pale.

Jeord had never shown the slightest interest in estate gardens at any of the parties Katarina had previously attended.

“I’ll distract them,” said Mary, giving Katarina a small shove. “Go.”

Katarina was already several turns into the hedge maze before she realized that Keith had positioned himself behind her, shielding her body from view. She deliberately took a few wrong turns, Keith as close as a shadow, before she followed the obvious path to the maze’s heart.

She didn’t dare say anything, but there were no obvious noises of pursuit and, when Keith nodded back at her, she felt the tension start to drain away from her. It was not a particularly complicated maze but it felt like hours before they reached the opening to the clearing representing the center.

Keith stumbled a little as they walked into the heart of the maze and Katarina smiled at him sympathetically.

“Did you have too much to drink?” she said.

Looking over at the bench in front of the ugly sculpture in the maze centre, Katarina had an idea.

“Do you want to rest your head for a few minutes before we decide what to do?” said Katarina.

Keith nodded vigorously and Katarina gently entwined her arm with his to guide him over to the bench.

With a degree of enthusiasm that both amused and concerned her, Keith flopped his head onto her lap, burrowing his face into her stomach, before rolling over to look directly up at her.

“I have a confession,” said Keith, looking up at Katarina through his eyelashes. “I’m not actually drunk.”

“Did you think I didn’t know that?” said Katarina, looking down at him with a smug smile, as she wove her fingers through his hair. “You can just ask for pats, you know.”

Keith made a noise somewhere between a growl and a purr and Katarina rolled her eyes.

“Shh,” said Katarina, softly pressing her finger to his mouth, “do you want us to be discovered?”

Keith took the tip of her finger into his mouth.

“Oh,” said Katarina, on an inhaled gasp.

Wasn’t Keith an earth magician?

How was fire spreading up from his touch?

“Shh,” said Keith, releasing her finger with a soft ‘pop’, “do you want us to be discovered?”

Katarina found herself leaning over him, drawn as if by force-

The snap of a branch made her bolt upright, Keith rising with her, his body positioned in front of her before she could even breathe.

They both stared at the figure retreating back into the hedges and then turned and stared at one another.

“Was that,” said Katarina, as bewildered as she had ever been, “Duke Claes?”

“It was,” said Keith, his eyes haunted, “nobody.”

“Nobody,” said Katarina, even as her Council shuddered in unison.

“Nobody,” continued Katarina, because her mouth couldn’t seem to stop working, “came over and saw you lying on my lap with my finger in your-”

Without another word, they both simultaneously started walking back through the maze in the direction of the carriages.

“Parents aren’t the only embarrassing ones,” said Katarina 35 (death by her dearest Lady Friend). “Have you ever considered spending more time with Lady Friends?”

“Well,” said Millidiana, staring at both Keith and Katarina over breakfast the next morning, “I understand that the party was a… resounding success.”

“Yes,” said Katarina, sweat gathering at the corners of her temples. “Complete success.”

“So many people have so many different definitions of success,” said Millidiana sweetly.

She slowly licked some jam off the tip of her finger. “Wouldn’t you say?”

Keith and Katarina fled.

Katarina fervently resolved to apologize to Mr. Knife at the first possible opportunity.

In the aftermath of several even more awkward than normal dinners with the Duke, Millidiana, and Keith, Katarina jumped at the opportunity to spend a day in town with Anne.

Katarina had been spending a great deal of time on the Ascart estate tracing lineages in advance of losing her assistant to the Academy of Magic, although Nicol had assured her that he would return as often as possible. They had actually discovered a secret room with books full of records of secret babies and what had happened to them, but Prime Minister Ascart had confiscated them before Katarina had been able to read too deeply. Apparently illegitimate children were both murderous AND possibly state secrets.

As it was, Katarina was feeling like she was not getting nearly as far in her investigations as she would like. The cold truth was that she was running out of time. The Academy drew closer, like an invisible noose around her neck, and Katarina could feel its shadow choking her as the assassination attempts came closer to reality.

Katarina hoped that a change of scenery might provide her some new clues or at least give her a new way to see what she already knew. She had to succeed. She had to.

Anne seemed to sense something of her mood, because she only gave her a relatively gentle Look when Katarina said that she wanted to explore the town by herself for a little while.

Or at least, Katarina had planned to explore the town by herself for a little while, but when she looked back at Anne, she noticed that a strange older man appeared to be following her. He obviously hadn’t been trained by Mr. Knife since he stood out like a sore thumb with his wealthy clothes and inability to properly hide behind fruit stands.

Well, Katarina knew how to deal with worms.

Spinning on her heel she sauntered towards Anne and the newest worm as he finally managed to corner Anne on one of the town’s few side alleys.

Katarina crouched behind a barrel at the entrance of the alley, ready to spring-

“Oh, it’s you,” said Anne, sounding deeply unimpressed.

“Is that any way to speak to the man that raised you?” said the man.

Katarina froze as if she had been bludgeoned with a large root vegetable. She was so stunned that she missed the opening piece of their next conversation.

“-save me the time to arrange a meeting at the Claes estate. I have a use for you.”

“Do you?” said Anne, in the tone of voice that made Mr. Knife start saying ‘ma’am’ a lot.

The man looked strangely confused. Katarina had no sympathy for him. Anyone with brains would know that they should stop talking as soon as Anne raised her eyebrow.

Because he obviously didn’t have any brains, the man continued. “I’ve arranged an engagement for you.”

“Have you?” said Anne.

“You needn’t go back to the estate,” said the very stupid man. “You wouldn’t have anything of value anyways. We can leave immediately and provide you to the Baron within the next day or so-”

“No,” said Anne.

The man looked like he had been kicked, before his face darkened. “What do you mean ‘no’? Don’t forget what you owe-”

“As you told me the last time we met,” said Anne, “there is nothing left between us. My usefulness is best served by serving the Claes.”

“I’ll tell you where you are most useful,” growled the man, advancing on Anne and Katarina prepared to move and-

Anne raised her head and the man froze, his face so pale that it looked like all the colour had been washed into the street.

“I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this,” said Anne, her voice strange and so terrifying that Katarina involuntarily shivered behind the barrel. “I don’t think my mother would have wanted this, but then, what she wanted killed her, didn’t it? I am certainly not my mother.”

“I’ve been making some investigations,” said the man in a weak voice, the tremble obvious in his tone as well as the whine. “You’ll have a home and a husband if you accept this engagement. Right now, you don’t have any friends or family. Anne, I can give that to you.”

Anne laughed so hard that the alleyway echoed and the man took a step backwards, his eyes wide.

“Oh goodness,” said Anne, wiping a tear from her eye, “I should have done this years ago.”

She looked directly at him. “What was I ever afraid of? All you’re good for is bad parenting and secret babies and I have enough of both in my life already.”

“Secret babies?” said the man, blinking.

“I took the liberty,” said Anne, as if the man hadn’t even spoken, “of making some investigations of my own. Their majesties might not care about a few illegitimate children, but you have been very busy, haven’t you? You’ve been involved in some interesting business ventures it seems.”

She smiled. “How is the weather in Le Sable at this time of year?”

The man stumbled backwards and leaned against the wall, one hand over his heart. “You… you…”

“Don’t ever come near me or the Claes estate ever again,” said Anne.

“I’ve already signed the engagement papers,” said the man, his face a sickly shade of liver. “He holds most of my debts and if I don’t keep my promise-”

“That,” said Anne Shelley, “is your problem. Not mine.”

“This isn’t finished,” said the man as he scurried past Katarina’s hiding place.

“Yes,” said Anne softly as he disappeared into the market, “it finally is.”

“You can come out now, Katarina,” said Anne and Katarina sulkily slunk out from behind the barrel. Her stealth skills were really good! It wasn’t her fault that Anne always seemed to know where she was!

“Anne,” said Katarina, concerned about the distant look in Anne’s eyes, “who was that man?”

Anne smiled a smile that was mostly teeth and bone deep satisfaction. “No one of any importance at all.”

Katarina has a nagging suspicion that there was something about the man that she should recognize (how dare someone try to force Anne into an engagement!), but she can’t quite remember and the Council appears to be having a heated debate about something in a way that she can’t quite hear them.

She’s so absorbed in the memory that she almost doesn’t see the dark shadow on the roof above the vegetable cart that Anne is moving in front of and the way they prod the-

Katarina runs faster than she has ever run in her life and she dives at Anne as the cabbages start to fall and she holds her, shielding Anne with her body as they roll and the cabbages sound like thunder as they fall over and around them and they keep coming and Katarina keeps rolling hoping that she can keep their heads clear and she pushes Anne under the stall and rolls herself in just before four large cabbages land just where she was rolling and she tucks Anne against her body and waits for the end.

The cabbages keep coming and the stall holds even as the wood creaks above them and it’s dark and the noise finally stops and Katarina can breathe again.

“I think,” says Anne, her voice faint, “that you just saved me from being murdered by a pile of cabbages.”

“You have to be careful of cabbages,” says Katarina. “I’ve been practicing.”

As Anne tightens her embrace of Katarina, Katarina closes her eyes and the world fades back to normal.

The vegetable stand owner was five seconds from a nervous breakdown and couldn’t stop apologizing for his cabbages nearly killing Anne and “her adorable little sister”.

Since he had dug them out of the giant pile of cabbage and had promised free cabbage for the remainder of their natural lives, Katarina was feeling relatively forgiving, with one small addendum.

“You need to remember that cabbages are dangerous, sir,” she said firmly. “Make sure you keep them properly secured so bad people can’t take advantage of them.”

“People always underestimate the danger of cabbages,” said Katarina 5 (death by giant pile of cabbages).

After the stall owner tearfully promised to obey cabbage safety regulations, Katarina sat for a few minutes with Anne to rest before they headed back to the estate.

It gave Katarina time to think about her longer-term plan.

“You know,” she said thoughtfully, looking around at the Council, “other than people using your product as a murder weapon, I still think that running a business would be the best option once I leave Sorcier.”

She tapped her chin as she thought out loud. “I don’t think I want to get involved with produce. Ignoring the murder potential, perishables seem like too much work. If I think about my current skills and the types of items I could use to showcase them…”

Her eyes brightened as she came to a realization worthy of true Katarina genius.

“I can sell musical instruments!” said Katarina.

“Yes!” cheered the Katarina Council.

“I can showcase my skills on the violin and convince people to try it themselves!” said Katarina.

“Yes!” cheered the Katarina Council.

“I can advertise that I offer lessons so I get money not just for the instruments but for my skills!” said Katarina.

“Yes!” cheered the Katarina Council.

“You can convince townspeople to buy musical instruments for their children and then skip town before you actually have to teach them!” said Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain).

The rest of the Katarinas stared at her.

“I’ll call myself the Music Ma’am!” said Katarina.

“Yes!” cheered the Katarina Council.

“If you could stop smiling like that,” said Anne Shelley, “we had best get back to the manor before the townspeople assume that you want even more cabbages.”

Katarina blinked and looked at the giant pile of cabbages that had accumulated in front of her.

“Anne,” she said plaintively, “I don’t even like cabbage.”

Anne carefully looked around before leaning into Katarina’s ear to whisper, “Neither do I.”

As it turned out, no one on the Claes estate liked cabbage.

Except the head gardener. Tom?

But why would Katarina ever need help from the head gardener?

As it turned out, time was even more terrifying than cabbages.

As Katarina looked in the mirror one morning, her eyes closed and she took a deep breath.

“The scar’s gone,” said Katarina 20.

“I know,” said Katarina.

“You know what that means,” said Katarina 20.

“I know,” said Katarina.

“You don’t have much time,” said Katarina 20.

“I know,” said Katarina.

Katarina sat down at her desk and buried her face in her hands.

Taking a deep breath, she straightened and began to write.

“Katarina,” said Keith, “why is there a letter with the royal seal addressed to you? That doesn’t look like Alan’s handwriting.”

Katarina’s shoulders finally relaxed after days of nervous tension. “Thank goodness – I wasn’t sure if he was going to refuse to reply as part of his stupid games. This will make things much simpler.”

“Who would refuse to reply?” said Keith.

Katarina had already opened the letter and replied a bit more absentmindedly than she would have if she wasn’t reading the most important letter she’d ever received. “I’d hoped that Prince Jeord would come to the estate for tea as I’d invited him to do. It would have made it much easier to dissolve the engagement if I was on friendly ground. Since he wants me to come to the palace for tea instead, I can only hope that making me nervous will be enough amusement that he’ll easily agree to the dissolution.”

It only occurred to Katarina after Keith had grabbed her hand and led her into a private room, that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to share her brilliant plan with him.

“Have you told anyone about this?” said Keith. “Anyone at all?”

“Well, there’s me,” said Katarina, blinking, “and you now. I suppose Anne will probably know, since I’m planning to bring her with me.”

The noise Keith made was very confusing.

“It’s not that I don’t agree that the engagement should be dissolved,” said Keith. “I mean, even Nicol thinks that the engagement should be dissolved and Nicol’s probably-”

Keith shook his head.

“I’m not,” he said hesitantly, “all that concerned with the Duke and Duchess, but are you really not going to tell them that you’re planning to go by yourself with only a single maid to the palace to convince Prince Jeord to dissolve your engagement?”

“If he dissolves the engagement of his own free will, we shouldn’t need to involve the Duke and Millidiana at all,” said Katarina.

“Just,” said Keith, a complicated series of expressions passing over his face, “you’ve worked so hard to stay away from him and we’ve implemented so many plans to keep you out of his sight…”

And you’re just going to walk straight into his den? Katarina heard even if Keith didn’t say the words out loud.

Katarina hated hiding things from Keith, especially when he was so worried for the person in such a mutually beneficial relationship with him. Maybe there was a small piece of the truth she could share?

“The only reason Prince Jeord was engaged to me in the first place,” said Katarina, “was because of my scar and the need for him to take responsibility for injuring me. That scar’s finally gone and I have an excuse to release him from a fiancée that he publicly insults and avoids.”

“What do you think is going to happen, Keith,” said Katarina softly, “if I go to the Academy and I am still engaged to the likeliest contender for the throne and he is determined to destroy me because of his feelings about having to be engaged to me? I can’t exactly listen for squeaky boots if we are sharing a class together, can I?”

She took a shaky breath, more upset than she had realized. “I’ve put this off for as long as I could, trained as long as I could, prepared as long as I could, even if I’m unsure of my ability to do this…”

She looked over at Keith, nothing but raw honesty in her words and eyes. “Can you believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself?”

Katarina was in Keith’s arms before she could draw breath and his soft words, that he obviously never meant for her to hear, shook her long after she had sent her agreement to meet with Jeord at the palace.

I believe in everything except your ability to convince people to let you go.

That Keith had the same fears she had about Jeord potentially wishing to use her as a sadistic chew toy did nothing for her confidence as she prepared to attend to the meeting.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Katarina and the Council had no choice and were willing to engage in rampant self-denial if necessary to provide a grim pep-talk before facing Murderer Four.

“You weren’t wrong about what you said to Keith. We cannot put it off any longer,” said Katarina 20. “You must end the engagement before you start at the Academy of Magic.”

“Checklist then,” said Katarina, trying to focus on what she could control.

“Scar?” said Katarina.

“Gone!” said the Council.

“Avoidance since engagement?” said Katarina.

“Complete!” said the Council.

“Chances of having deliberately or accidentally engaged his attention?” said Katarina.

“None!” said the Council.

Katarina took a deep breath and straightened her back. “Jeord should barely remember my existence and, if he does remember, it will be as a small child that irritated him enough to avoid her for six years. I know that he’s badmouthed me for political reasons and, in your lives, that he loved watching me humiliate myself, but I can’t imagine that he will have any impression of me in this lifetime at all. At the parties in your memories, there are always dozens of women swarming him. Surely he will want…”

Katarina trailed off as she realized how potentially insulting what she was about to say was to the members of the Council.

“Someone like one of us to dance on his strings?” said Katarina 20 softly. “You have grown, dearest.”

Katarina 20 sighed and suddenly she sounded closer to one hundred years old than to nineteen. “You aren’t necessarily wrong. Please just… Just remember that for Jeord, the cruelty is the point. He’s bored and smart and doesn’t think of people like us as people. Be careful, sweetheart.”

“If all else fails,” said Katarina 16, “you can just show him how far beneath you he truly is.”

The rest of the Katarinas glared at Katarina 16, but the idea sat in the back of Katarina’s mind like a particularly difficult burr even as the carriage took her to the palace and she found herself escorted to a spacious sitting room.

Katarina was grateful for the silent, solid presence of Anne behind her as she entered the room and was greeted not with the little boy who had proposed to her, but the genuine face of her nightmares.

He killed me.

It wasn’t that she didn’t occasionally see people who were the murderers in her nightmares but-

He killed me and he smiled.

-some small part of Katarina that was raw and fragile and hopeful had held that little boy who glowed like the sun in a deep corner of her heart and-

I’m glad you’re gone.

It took every piece of self-control Katarina had ever learned or dreamed to not flee the room or reach across the table and strangle that slender, glowing throat.

“Lady Katarina,” said Jeord, gesturing to the table of food and drink spread before them, “won’t you join me?”

I would rather die, thought Katarina. And you would gladly help me in the process.

“I would be honoured to taste your delicacies, your highness,” said Katarina. She wondered why Jeord briefly startled, before he settled back into that smooth marble perfection.

Jeord idly poured them both a cup of tea, before looking up at Katarina from under his eyelashes. “With the number of social events we have both attended at the same time, it seems remarkable that we are just meeting for the first time in person since shortly after we became engaged.”

“Yes,” Katarina said weakly, “remarkable.”

Well, remarkable in that she had to use every ounce of Mr. Knife’s stealth training and all the skills of her people to avoid his line of sight, but still remarkable.

“So I assume,” said Jeord, a smile that sent shivers down Katarina’s spine spreading across his face, “that some blessed miracle has occurred to allow myself and my lovely fiancée to finally speak.”

If Katarina hadn’t known better, she would have said that the odd tone of Jeord’s voice made him sound as if he was pouting.

Katarina did know better.

She had years, no lifetimes, of knowing better.

If nothing else, Jeord could have returned to the Claes estate at any time since their engagement.

“It is a miracle that brings me here,” said Katarina, pasting on Expression 63 Cheerful Obliviousness.

“Look,” she said, pointing to her face, “what do you notice?”

Jeord was wearing the strangest expression. None of the Katarinas had ever seen it before and no one knew what it meant.

“Nothing?” said Jeord slowly.

“Exactly!” said Katarina, happy that he was able to so quickly grasp the situation. “The injury that led to our engagement is now fully healed. This means that something that was forged through misfortune no longer has any reason to stand. I am perfectly marriageable once again! You no longer have any responsibility towards me and our engagement can be ended, with no harm to either party.”

“Do you realize,” said Jeord, that terrifyingly pleasant smile returning to his face, “that I have already received thirty petitions to dissolve our engagement, fifteen of them from my own brother?”

Katarina furrowed her brow. “My apologies, your highness. I was unaware that Alan was that unhappy about me becoming his sister-in-law.”

She brightened. “Obviously though, with this much opposition and the original source of the engagement invalidated, we can easily dissolve-”

“I think,” said Jeord, “that you seem to be operating under a misunderstanding, Lady Katarina.”

“I am?” said Katarina.

Jeord leaned forward with his teacup and Katarina was reminded of nothing so much as a ravenous dog she had once escaped. “It seems that I have been greatly remiss in my duties, as my parents have been so kind as to remind me. That my brother and my dearest friend have spent more time with my fiancée than I have reflects poorly on the royal family. Before any decisions are made, I must properly acquaint myself with the situation.”

Even as Katarina’s face went carefully, coldly blank, the Katarinas in her head began to shriek in terror.

Jeord smiled. “I look forward to getting to know you, Katarina Claes.”

“He’s never wanted us,” said Katarina 20. “Not once, not in any of our lives. He may pretend for awhile, but in the end his true face always shows. Most of our deaths are related to that engagement. If we want any chance of surviving, we have to get away from Jeord.”

“But shouldn’t that be easy?” said Katarina 7 (death by Jeord’s valet) slowly. “In any life where he’s spent time with us, he despises us and, despite using us to keep away other women, it would be easy enough for him to find a fiancée who could do that who he doesn’t despise. So really, if he hates everything about us, isn’t the easiest way to get out of the engagement to be ourselves?”

The entire Council of Katarinas froze in place, their eyes wide.

As one, they all nodded.

As one, they all tried to conceal the sharp hurt that buried itself somewhere deep in their hearts.

Katarina was in the middle of a swordsmanship lesson when Jeord came for his unannounced visit. She strongly suspected that was not an accident on his part and that one of her murderous household members was leaking information about her schedule to the prince. She also suspected that this choice of timing was because Jeord had hoped to catch her off-guard and find her doing something humiliating.

In some senses, Katarina felt that she understood Jeord the best out of anyone she was trying to maneuver in her current lifetime. Between all of her lives and deaths and desperate, unrelenting adoration and observation, she essentially had a Mastership in Jeord Studies.

While everyone else had experimented with other relationships and other life goals in her many lives, she had been singularly, unwaveringly focused. Once all those memories and lives were combined together, Jeord’s actions became surprisingly predictable.

He was almost… boring?

It was a startling thought and it brought a smile to her face. Unfortunately, the smile quickly faded as Jeord appeared only minutes after the frantic servant had raced to let her know of his arrival.

While Jeord would no doubt be amused by her appearance, Katarina felt that it couldn’t have been better timed if she had planned the confrontation herself.

With her body covered in sweat and dirt, dressed in men’s attire, and swinging a most unladylike sword as long as half her body, Jeord would be so quickly disgusted that he might even leave within minutes. She was painfully, utterly familiar with his type of woman.

Grunting and sweating was not what he sought.

Whistling cheerfully, Katarina pretended not to see him and swung with greater force at Mr. Knife.

Unfortunately, Jeord in any lifetime did not enjoy being ignored.

“Lady Katarina,” said Jeord, “how delightful to see your feminine grace in action.”

“Ah,” said Katarina exaggeratedly wiping the sweat from her forehead with her sleeve, “I didn’t see you, your highness. What an example of noble conduct to provide me with such a pleasant surprise!”

“I can only hope,” said Jeord with a curt bow, “that this is not the only… pleasant surprise I can present you today.”

He snapped his fingers and an army of servants appeared beside the training field, as if out of nowhere.

Katarina coolly took some mental notes on their concealment skills for discussion in future lessons with Mr. Knife. She noticed with detached amusement that one member of the servant army appeared to be very familiar. She was sure she had seen the man attempting to hide behind one of the half-dozen manservants working as a footman on the Claes estate.

So that was the mole.

Though if Jeord had been informed of her schedule and movements, why on earth had he chosen to come during her sword lesson? She had earlier thought that Jeord wanted to catch her off-guard and humiliate her, but he certainly didn’t look like he was laughing.

“I understand,” said Jeord, “that you have been learning how to fight and duel.”

“That is,” said Katarina, her voice as bland as her breakfast porridge, “generally what these sharp pieces of metal are for, yes.”

She wondered if he was surprised by her use of a real sword, as if Mr. Knife would let her “practice” with something that couldn’t be used in the real world.

Jeord didn’t seem surprised though. In fact he almost seemed… anticipatory.

He raised a hand and one of the servants appeared by his side, an object covered in cloth in her arms. With all of the dramatics of a trained showman, Jeord unrolled the material and removed the unsheathed sword from its wrapping, swinging it experimentally.

Katarina started to have a very bad feeling about where this was going.

“Live steel,” said Katarina, trying to keep her voice even. “You do have an interesting way of socializing, your highness.”

Jeord smiled and it took every force in Katarina’s body to not take a step backwards. “I was so… excited to discover our shared interest that I couldn’t wait to meet with you. After all, don’t the best couples share hobbies together?”

He balanced the sword, his movements idle, but his gaze colder than the steel. “I’m merely proposing a small game. Let’s test our skills, your ladyship. First to draw blood or receive a concession is the winner.”

“Exactly how much blood are you proposing, highness?” said Katarina, trying to keep her voice even.

“Nothing that would scar,” said Jeord, smiling. “We certainly don’t want any further… misunderstandings about scars, do we?”

Chopping off her head wouldn’t leave a scar would it?

It certainly didn’t seem like Jeord needed her permission to play his “game” – he was already settling into a very confident ready stance, her participation assumed and inevitable.

As Katarina tried very hard to not run screaming from the field, she almost missed the low rumble from behind her.

Her eyes widened as she turned towards Mr. Knife, still standing ready, his hand on his sword nearly white with the strength of his grip.

Unfortunately, Jeord had noticed him too.

“We don’t need another sword on the field,” said Jeord, his gaze cold as he slowly looked the length of Mr. Knife’s body. “You’re dismissed.”

Mr. Knife didn’t move.

“Kiddo,” he said. With the light behind him, he looked like a small mountain and equally immovable.

Katarina knew Jeord. She knew what would happen if Mr. Knife tried to interfere.

“I’ve got Anne,” said Katarina softly. “Trust me.”

Mr. Knife nodded and slowly walked back towards the manor.

Katarina tried to keep the confidence she’d used in her voice in her mind as Mr. Knife disappeared from view.

It was true that she had Anne, but it was also true that she only had Anne.

Duke Claes had insisted that Keith accompany him on some estate business and this had been one of the rare days where none of her people were visiting.

In hindsight, Katarina wondered how much Jeord had to do with the situation.

Regardless, Jeord was standing in front of her with a sword and Katarina was having to mentally block the entire Katarina Council from her thoughts because most of them were revisiting very unpleasant memories.

Was he planning to kill her now?

Had Alan written something in those dissolution petitions that led to Jeord wanting her dead already?

Why hadn’t Alan told her he was writing dissolution petitions?

Katarina shook her head to re-focus. She couldn’t afford to let her thoughts settle on anything but Jeord.

“And isn’t that a pretty piece of irony?” said Katarina 35, one of only two members of the Council who hadn’t been shrieking and who had refused to be silenced.

“Can’t you do something productive for five seconds?” said Katarina 16 through gritted teeth, the only other unsilenced member of the Council.

“Oh darling,” said Katarina 35, waving a fan that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, “I can be productive for much longer than five seconds.”

With the ease of long practice, Katarina ignored their sniping and narrowed her eyes.

Well, Katarina thought grimly, she wouldn’t meekly lie back and take Jeord’s thick sword. If he wanted to stab her, he was going to have to earn it.

She rolled on the balls of her feet into a ready stance and waited for his move.

Not allowing herself to be distracted, she still had a brief moment of smugness that her sword was both longer and thicker than his.

It was her last moment of smugness.

Katarina’s first indication that things were about to go horribly wrong was when Jeord signalled with his hand and all of the servants moved back a considerable distance, two of them forcibly pulling Anne along with them.

They were still within visual range, but it would be almost impossible for them to hear any noise from the field.

“Did you know,” said Jeord, almost conversationally, “how much trouble you’ve caused me?”

He made a smooth, almost clinical attack and Katarina fell back, praying that Anne could handle herself because Katarina could not afford to ignore the fight in front of her.

Jeord was strong and Katarina nearly fumbled her parry, but she moved grimly into a riposte anyways.

“How,” said Katarina, as she lunged, “could I have caused you trouble? I have had nothing to do with you since I was eight years old.”

Jeord side-stepped her strike with minimal movement and instantly moved into another attack. “You say that,” he said, his smile full of teeth, “and yet, I have been made a laughingstock by my Vanishing Betrothed, seen with every other major noble heir her age except her fiancé.”

Katarina parried with such force that Jeord almost stumbled. “And whose fault is that?” said Katarina, as cold as the steel in her hands. “I am not the one who bragged about how long I could go without seeing my fiancé in public.”

She pressed forwards, her riposte as furious as her words. “I certainly don’t recall your invitation to meet and discuss our lives over tea.”

“Perhaps it got lost in the mail?” she whispered as her sword came within a hairsbreadth of Jeord’s neck.

“And here we see the truth of it – you’re offended that I didn’t come dance attendance on your little tantrums. Arrogant as you always have been,” said Jeord, moving into an attack before Katarina had even returned to position.

“Is it arrogance,” hissed Katarina, “to demand respect from those who are meant to stand beside you?”

There was a flash of surprise in Jeord’s eyes as she fiercely parried his attack and launched immediately into a riposte. “I do not think it arrogance to expect that my fiancé not spend his time in public blackening my name, even if he has no desire to participate in this farce of an engagement.”

Katarina’s sword caught his hidden chest guard, but, unfortunately, it was too thick to draw blood.

She had no time to recalculate her stance before Jeord moved again.

“Perhaps I would have been more inclined to meet with you if my only memories of you weren’t as a tantrum-throwing obsessively clingy lovesick brat. I’ve said nothing that I did not see for myself,” said Jeord, his eyes glinting in a way that sent a shiver down Katarina’s neck.

“And of course people do not grow and change and no new memories can ever be formed once impressions have been made,” said Katarina, spinning out of his way and bringing her sword to his throat. “Tell me, do I seem like I wish to cling to you and swallow the breadcrumbs of your attention? Do I seem lovesick to you, Prince Jeord?”

Katarina realized, too late, the ghost breath of a sword within bite of her neck, as her sword was within bite of his.

“I don’t know,” said Jeord, his voice too intimate, his face too close for the encounter. “I’ve always thought that love was mostly blood and teeth.”

They were panting at each other so closely that Katarina could taste his breath and she was unable to look away and what was wrong with her and Katarina used every lesson, every force she had been taught or dreamed and released her stance, vaulting back and out of his reach.

As soon as she was out of range, the anger rose up so strongly that she could barely breathe with its force. Was that it? Had Jeord attempted to destroy her place in society, had he advanced on the path to her violent death because he was irritated with a child’s overzealous affections?

Katarina bared her teeth. She’d show him the difference between the bite of a child (-deserved better always deserved better avenge her the little girl looking at the sun the woman reaching out her hands covered in blood whywhywhy-) and the bite of a lioness.

She realized, too late, that Jeord had taken advantage of her pause. She couldn’t afford distraction.

Jeord’s sword was at her throat and Katarina whirled out of reach before he could draw blood or ask for a concession. Something passed over the smooth marble that made up his face, but Katarina gave him no chance to reflect before launching an attack.

He might be fighting to win a game, but Katarina was fighting for dying women reaching towards their smiling fiancé and his bloodstained sword.

“What would you know of my love?” snarled Katarina. “You have done nothing to earn it.”

“Yes,” said Jeord, parrying her with an equal snarl. “I should have been dancing attendance on your every whim, smiling and simpering, like-”

His riposte sliced a piece of loose hair as Katarina barely avoided his blade against her cheek.

Jeord didn’t seem to notice his error, his eyes mindless with rage. “You have been very free with your love, haven’t you, my dear? We all know how much you pretend to enjoy the company of other men, like my dear friend, Nicol.”

He kept pressing forwards, his sword barely controlled in its swing.

“You speak of change and growth, but how like that little girl I met to fall so obviously for a pretty face, since you certainly aren’t following him around for his personality. That’s not even getting into the way you’ve somehow fooled Alan into-”

“Don’t you dare insult Nicol,” said Katarina, her fury almost a physical presence beside her. “Just because he’s more interesting and unpredictable than you are, gives you no right to show your jealousy so obviously.”

Jeord stumbled backwards and Katarina wondered why he looked so surprise as she swung towards him.

He barely missed her strike, but it was due to dodging rather than a parry and Katarina pressed her remise unmercifully.

“I have no idea how you can tell such lies with a straight face,” growled Katarina. “Fool Alan? I can only hope to one day have a fraction of his cunning and charisma. He’d see through me in a second if I was trying to manipulate him.”

Katarina’s sword hit Jeord’s shoulder guard. She wished it was his neck.

He was staring at her and Katarina unmercifully launched another attack before he could recover. “Whatever you think of me, I have no idea why you would make such tasteless jokes about your brother and your best friend. Obviously, I’m not someone that either of them would want. How dare you try to use them to hurt me!”

There was a strange look in Jeord’s eyes as he parried, his voice almost speculative as he spoke. “And what would you say if I suggested that I could give you this love you think you are owed so long as you were willing to help me gain the power of your little band of noble heirs. All you would need to do would be to use their obvious affection for you to help them advance my agenda.”

How, thought Katarina, in absolute disbelief, was she the one people kept trying to stab and not this delusional idiot?

“Is your head made of cabbage?” said Katarina. “Even if any of my people loved me, which they don’t, I would rather spend my life completely loveless than trick my people into doing something that could hurt them. People who use affection to manipulate other people are Monsters!”

Of course, she was going to spend her life loveless, and she was tricking her people into spending time with her (although not through affection), but Jeord didn’t need to know that.

“You are…” said Jeord, his tone one of wonderment, as he provided a very distracted riposte. “You are loyal.”

His smile was terrifying. “There’s more than one way to leverage that kind of loyalty.”

Did he think he had discovered a weakness? It was definitely time for some careful political threats.

“They’re my people,” snarled Katarina. “If you try to hurt them, we will end this engagement over your dismembered body.”

It occurred to Katarina halfway through her attack that might not have been as subtly threatening as she had planned.

“But not subtle,” said Jeord, as he parried the attack with some difficulty, sweat starting to break on his forehead.

“I am the subtlest,” said Katarina, deeply offended. She had no idea what the other Katarinas had seen in this boor to stay enraptured with him for as long as they lived. With his personality, he should be the one having to deal with Murders and Secret Babies!

She pressed forward with all the fury she possessed, so angry she could barely see straight, and realized that the anger had been masking what she should have realized several exchanges back.

Her shoulder was starting to shake, even if only slightly.

Katarina had been practicing for nearly an hour before Jeord arrived. Now, she had minutes at most before she collapsed in exhaustion. Even without exhaustion, Jeord was the better swordsman, a fact that Katarina could hardly ignore, as much as she wanted to.

It was a miracle that she had stood against him as long as she had, but she could feel that even her fury and desperation was not going to be enough to overcome his superior experience and technique.

If he killed her…

Involuntarily, Katarina looked for Anne in the crowd and was shocked to realize that the people who had dragged her off were no longer present. In fact, Anne appeared to have a rather large circle of cleared space around her-

The hilt of Jeord’s sword caught her firmly in the ribs and she tumbled backwards, barely managing to keep a grip on her own sword as she landed on her back. She had managed to backstep as she was falling, so there was still some distance to Jeord, but Jeord had obviously decided the game was over.

Jeord casually swung his sword at his side, his fighting stance completely relaxed.

He smiled.

“No mastermind,” said Jeord, “but more interesting than expected. Obviously Alan was…”

He shook his head and his smile widened. “He should have known not to compete with me.”

He looked over at Katarina with something between amusement and indulgence.

“I look forward to accompanying you to the next gathering,” he said with a smirk and Katarina saw red.

Katarina realized quite suddenly that, in spite of her planning and prep work and burning fury, she had somehow been willing to playing the game by Jeord’s rules without a single question or complaint. Jeord hated cheaters and open aggression and too much emotional expression.

Only one of those things at a time was not sufficient to deter him so…

So, Katarina thought coldly, why shouldn’t she show him the true force of the real Katarina?

As Jeord advanced towards her fallen form, Katarina softly muttered, “Earth bump.”

Katarina moved.

She was on her feet in seconds as Jeord tilted forward and attempted to compensate for his sudden loss of balance. He didn’t even notice her before she struck his sword with enough force that he wheeled backwards, his eyes wide with surprise, his sword sailing into the air in a lovely arc.

He hit the ground hard, a small cloud of dust rising as he settled on his back, staring up at the air with a stunned expression, his sword rattling on the ground until it settled several feet from his body.

Somewhere in the process, he had bitten his lip.

His lip was bleeding.

His lip was bleeding and Katarina found an entirely unnumbered smile of true sweetness rising on her face.

“Oho, first blood was it?” said Katarina. “I appear to have defeated you, your highness.”

In order to make sure that her point was thoroughly made (and so that he couldn’t try the same kind of trick that she had), she put her foot on his chest and pressed down hard enough that he let out a short yelp.

Smug and pleased with her success and eager to see the face of loathing and disgust that was sure to greet her, Katarina boldly looked over at Jeord’s face.

That wasn’t…

Thirty-seven lifetimes of knowledge locked coldly and irrevocably into Katarina’s mind.

That wasn’t a look of disgust.

Katarina kept her smile by only the sheerest force of will.

Jeord had obviously decided that she would make a much better toy than he thought. Jeord was not kind to his toys.

She had to deliver a killing blow.

Jeord couldn’t think, even for a moment, that it was worthwhile to continue with her as a fiancée. Katarina had spent years planning her life around Jeord’s willingness to discard her. If he insisted on keeping her to torment her…

She felt bile begin to rise in her throat and tried not to let it show on her face.

It was unthinkable.

There had to be a way to make herself so poisonous Jeord wouldn’t dare keep even the flimsiest sham of an engagement.

-how far beneath you-

And Katarina knew exactly what she needed to do.

“If you,” said Katarina, her voice low, still keeping her sweet smile on her face and her foot on his chest, “insist on keeping this engagement, I will humiliate you. There will not be a single public occasion, a single familial event, where I do not grind you under my heel. I will cheat and lie and command until I have you on a chain as thick and tight as any beast sent out for the hunt.”

Jeord stared up at her with pupils as large as his eyes. He seemed to have stopped breathing.

Katarina bent even closer until her lips nearly brushed his ear. “So get out of my sight, dog.”

With that Katarina fluidly straightened, smiling and waving to the assembled army of servants.

“His highness appears to be feeling unwell after our bout. It would be best if he returned home immediately.”

Jeord could kill her immediately, and Katarina had no doubt she had made a lifelong enemy, but she was counting on her immense knowledge of Jeord to be accurate and to keep her heart unpierced. If she knew Jeord, and she did, he’d be so enraged and embarrassed by the situation that he wouldn’t want to expose his own lack of emotional control by mindlessly and without provocation attacking a seemingly innocent party. While no doubt he would make her life miserable in the future, merely not being engaged to him would dramatically increase her chances of survival. Katarina also had no intention of staying in the country long enough for him to revenge himself on her adult self. She would only need to survive a few years of distant, hands-off assassination attempts and that was only if he wasn’t thoroughly distracted elsewhere.

Katarina watched the normally graceful prince stumble his way towards the carriage, an army of panicked servants hovering over him, and gave him a very gracious bow.

As she turned away, she frowned. Where had Mr. Knife come from? He and Anne sure seemed in a hurry to get to her.

As Anne and Mr. Knife checked her for injuries and started rambling about unimportant things, she allowed herself one brief, evil smile.

Well, thought Katarina cheerfully, that was one problem neatly solved.

By the time Jeord found his tongue again and spent some private time in reflection, he’d quickly realize that the last thing he wanted was a fiancée who openly planned to put her boot on his throat.

The engagement would be dissolved within the week.

The flowers and jewelry started arriving the next morning.

Chapter Text

Chapter Six: The First Complication (Matchmaker, Matchmaker)

Underneath her annoyance and anger, Katarina felt rather smug.

The Council had made it seem like Academy-aged Jeord was a model of untouchable perfection but, even if he was currently developing some fiendish revenge plan that required him to stay engaged to her, he obviously knew nothing about the language of flowers.

“Did he really,” said Keith, staring at the flowers with wide eyes, “send you a bouquet of clover, variegated tulips, and hyssop?”

Katarina knew all that consort training would pay off for him!

“I know!” said Katarina. “What was he thinking?”

“I mean,” said Keith, cocking his head, “I still have Plans for him, but if he’s going to send you a bouquet that means ‘I promise beautiful eyes and cleanliness’, I’m less worried about facing him.”

Katarina was a little concerned that Jeord might mean it literally (well, as long as it wasn’t her eyeballs he was stealing from the morgues there might be some use for them), but she mostly agreed with Keith.

Keith’s face darkened then. “I can’t believe he waited until we were gone and then tried to kill you-”

“Actually, I don’t think he did,” said Katarina thoughtfully. “I don’t disagree that he wanted to humiliate me, but he had the opportunity to disable me and instead he attempted to end the fight by knocking me out with his sword hilt. That’s a humiliation move, not a murder move. I don’t pretend to understand what he’s thinking, but he seems to want me alive. For now.”

Keith’s face remained dark and Katarina could almost see his teeth sharpening.

“Remember,” said Katarina softly, “you can’t help anyone if you are executed.”

“I also,” said Keith, “can’t send the Crown Prince to the countryside.”

Katarina had no answer for that.

Keith pressed the heel of his hand into his forehead and Katarina could see the effort it was taking him to pull back the teethandblood sitting just beneath the skin.

“Just…” he said, “you keep nearly dying, Katarina. Can you stop doing that, please?”

“It’s really only been the fire and the maid who was dismissed and Jeord and the cabbages,” said Katarina, more than a little nervous that Keith was getting too close to things it was better that she didn’t share.

“Cabbages?” said Keith, his eyes widening.

“Cabbages are dangerous!” said Katarina. “In general! Not specifically in a way that would involve being used as a murder weapon!”

Keith look at her for a second, eyes wide, and then his shoulders slumped. “Of course there was a reason you’d come back with enough cabbages to build a wall around the manor.”

As he wandered off, Katarina indistinctly caught the words ‘cabbages… Anne… know?’

She felt a little sweat beading on her forehead but resolved to be cheerful. Surely that had been subtle enough to throw Keith off her scent? After all, it wasn’t like he needed to know every tiny little problem that she ran into in a world that was determined to murder her.

She turned back to the table and sighed.

She still had to figure out what to do with the stupid flowers.

She didn’t even want to think about the jewelry.

“Did he just pick the flowers he thought were the prettiest?” said Katarina, staring intently at the bouquet. “But that doesn’t make any sense either. This is ugly. Maybe he wanted to murder my eyes?”

“I’m not sure,” said Katarina 20 (death by bloody murder from someone who was bad at flowers), “that Jeord was ever that well known for his strong aesthetic tastes. I mean, most people were too busy being dazzled by him to notice whether or not he was good at art appreciation.”

“That does make sense,” said Katarina thoughtfully. “He doesn’t seem like a very subtle person. Unlike me.”

“I imagine,” said Katarina 20 with a slightly quirk of her lips, “that you have a suitably tasteful favourite flower?”

“I, of course, love plumeria above all,” said Katarina proud of the extreme subtlety of her choice.

“Oh dear,” said the Council in unison.

“Well, what’s your favourite flower then?” said Katarina, more than a little offended.

The Council immediately started shouting over one another with a considerable degree of enthusiasm.

“Bachelor button!”

“Crocus!”

“Gladiolus!”

“Impatiens!”

“Ivy!”

After most of them had spoken (and Katarina had heard a tiny fraction of the speakers), it was possible to attach names to the few remaining speakers.

“Anemone,” said Katarina 24 (death by someone she thought was a friend), ducking her head when she realized that she’d actually been audible.

“Poppy,” said Katarina 11 (death by Jeord’s guard captain) tersely before taking a long swig from her flask.

“Lily,” said Katarina 35 (death by the person closest to her) in a long drawl, “probably orange.”

“Plum blossoms,” said Katarina 20 with a strange half-smile on her face.

“Mock oranges,” said Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain).

All of the other Katarinas’ eyes widened and then they turned to look sympathetically at Katarina 16.

“You may have almost as bad an understanding of the meaning of flowers as Jeord,” said Katarina 20 with a crooked smile.

“Or,” she said with a much more sympathetic smile, “perhaps not.”

“They’re pretty,” said Katarina 16, crossing her arms and blushing.

The Katarinas looked even more sympathetic.

“I like asphodel too,” Katarina 16 said defensively.

“Oh sweetheart,” said Katarina 20, “do you… do you want to talk about what happened to you? It seems like you might want to talk to someone about what happened to you.”

Katarina 16 groaned and buried her head in her hands and Katarina decided that it was maybe better for her to stop listening to the Council for awhile.

Obviously they would be absolutely no use whatsoever in helping her determine how to break through Jeord’s idiotic stubbornness.

It was a good thing that Katarina was good at Plans!

She walked over to the table and picked up the jewelry scattered across its surface.

Katarina’s lips curled in disgust.

Who on earth thought it was a good idea to get a young lady jewelry that largely consisted of large tacky rocks and heavy…

….golden chains.

Katarina’s eyes widened.

Katarina looked over at the flowers.

She looked over at the jewelry.

She smiled.

Didn’t Mr. Knife say that sometimes people needed to reinforce a lesson to learn it properly?

Whistling cheerfully, Katarina sat down and wrote another letter.

While she was waiting for the results of her correspondence, Katarina had much larger problems on her mind. If Jeord wasn’t going to immediately cooperate, there were other problems that Katarina could and would solve.

If nothing else, it had become obvious that Katarina was going to need to do a little housekeeping.

After several days of trying to see if she could tell who was a murderer by looking at the staff and using her incredibly powerful intuition, Katarina was both paranoid and aware that she needed to take a different tack. Feeling grimly determined, Katarina started to systematically walk through the memories of the Council to determine exactly which of her current household staff were planning to brutally murder her.

It had never occurred to her that there might be complications.

Katarina had spent so long trying to block or otherwise ignore the details and horrifying endings of the Katarina lives that were forced on her that a very uncomfortable truth had never occurred to her until she deliberately attempted to look through them.

“Why,” said Katarina, “can I not see all of the details of all of the Council’s lives?”

It made Katarina even more concerned when Katarina 20 did not look surprised and merely sighed in response. “Dearest, you are only able to see what we share with you or the images that we are unable to keep from leaking into your mind. For some of us, that is the complete truth of our lives. For others of us… We don’t feel that you need to be burdened with all of the details.”

“That,” said Katarina, staring at her in disbelief, “is a large set of exceptions.”

“You can always ask, dearest,” said Katarina 20 softly and Katarina tried to swallow both her irritation and her panic.

“Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “Could any of you who are aware of murderous secret babies and murderous not-secret babies on staff please provide me their names?”

She looked at all of them in turn. “We are getting far too close to the time of open murder for me to leave so many openly hostile people in place.”

“And no,” she said, cutting off Katarina 14 (death by a maid’s garrote), “I am not nearly as worried about not being able to predict their actions as I am to be leaving people who I know plan to murder me access to me at all times of the day.”

She softened her voice with considerable effort. “The mole brought Jeord here at a time when I had no help or support other than Anne. If Jeord had really wanted to kill me, I would have been dead. I’m clever, not immortal.”

The Council looked at one another, then, haltingly, they began to speak.

Katarina buried her head in her hands.

“Forty-two names,” she said, picturing the sheets of paper in her front of her. “How are there forty-two names here? I didn’t think we even had that many household staff in contact with the family.”

“Well,” said Katarina 8 (death by structurally unsound bedsheets) looking both hesitant and not that much older than Katarina herself, “it’s not just household staff.”

“Of course it isn’t,” said Katarina.

She was feeling more numb than not. “At least Anne is the only one who should have night time access to my room while I figure out how to deal with forty-two names. Forty-two names. Gods.”

“About Anne,” said Katarina 15 (death by strangulation from a footman), swallowing hard, “there may be a teeny tiny complication there.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina, instantly alert. “Is one of these people going to hurt her? Is she in trouble? Who is the Monster?”

The Council exchanged glances and Katarina 15 squared her shoulders.

“You may,” said Katarina 15, “have slightly accidentally potentially…”

She took a deep breath and started speaking very quickly. “… missed the chance to actually earn Anne’s loyalty.”

“What?” said Katarina staring at Katarina 15 blankly.

“The engagement,” said Katarina 20 softly. “You were supposed to save Anne from her forced engagement.”

Katarina froze. “Wasn’t that supposed to happen…”

“…years ago,” she finished. “The man was supposed to come years ago.”

“How?” she said. “What changed that he didn’t come?”

The Council exchanged glances again and pushed forward Katarina 16, who glared back at them.

“The thing is,” said Katarina 16, swallowing, “we think that it might… have already happened. You just weren’t the one to save her.”

“Because,” said Katarina both proud and terrified as she realized what had happened, “she saved herself from that stupid man in the alley. Because Anne is the best and strongest person in the world.”

“I’m never going to be able to convince her that she should be loyal to me now, am I?” said Katarina. “What could I possibly offer someone like Anne?”

She didn’t let herself think about it because she could no more dismiss Anne than she could cut off her arm and she would just find some other way to show Anne that she was worth not dying.

Even if Anne was her Anne and she sometimes felt like she was one of Anne’s people, that was no guarantee of anything.

Just look at her par-

“That doesn’t make sense though,” said Katarina hastily, trying to remember her very dim memories of the conversation about Anne’s engagement. “That man who was trying to make Anne do things didn’t come at the time you said he would.”

She frowned. “Didn’t someone also say he was Anne’s natural father? And we know that Anne’s father is Duke Claes. That man in the alley was just the man who raised her.”

“I had thought,” said Katarina 14 hesitantly, “that the man who raised her was her natural father. I was told that her natural father was a distant relative of Duke Claes, a Baron Shelley, if I remember correctly. He did look a lot like the man in the alley, in hindsight.”

She frowned. “Obviously though, Duke Claes simply sends his secret babies out to distant relatives with poor parenting skills.”

“I think, sweetheart,” said Katarina 11 in a rather bitter drawl, “that we all need to accept the fact that this life may not be quite as close to our lives as we were all hoping. Or maybe we were all terrible at getting information in our previous lives.”

“Either way,” she said with a shrug, after taking a long pull from her flask, “it seems to me that we have another fact in support of getting rid of all of the murderous staff. After all, if this life is changing so dramatically, why keep any extra murder on the side?”

She raised the flask in salute. “Truly the peak Katarina! Isn’t that what you’ve all been saying?”

She smiled.

It was not a nice smile. “So why not let her do her thing?”

Katarina was still trying to decide what her thing was when the office door suddenly burst open.

There were Keith and Anne and Mary and Sophia and Nicol and they all looked determined and… pleading?

“Katarina,” said Sophia, stepping forward, brave and beautiful and holding a large ledger in her hands, “we know that you have been trying to solve some of your problems all by yourself. You don’t… you don’t have to tell us everything, but we can be useful! We can!”

Mary raised an eyebrow. “Are you really going to prevent us from using our lessons? We need to practice, you know.”

Nicol frowned. “How can I learn how to be an assistant if you won’t let me assist you, ma’am?”

“Please let us help you, Katarina,” said Keith. “Please.”

Anne didn’t say anything at all, but when she stepped forward and looked at Katarina, Katarina felt herself nodding without any control or thought at all.

(And something that Katarina had barely noticed inside herself, something frozen and hurting, broke and disappeared.)

It turned out that six people dealing with forty-two potential murderers was a lot faster than one person dealing with potential murderers.

Nobody asked her how she came up with the names.

Nobody seemed surprised that she had come up with the names.

In fact, the only reaction had been from Keith and Mary, who had said quietly in tandem, “How did I miss those ones?” and then refused to acknowledge that they had said anything at all.

There were papers everywhere, largely torn from Sophia’s giant ledger, and bodies spread all over the room making notes and passing ideas back and forth.

Anne would occasionally look over someone’s shoulder and say one or two words and the person would start writing even faster.

Katarina was both scared and impressed by her people’s efficiency.

“Wow,” she said, looking at some of the plans, “that seems very effective. I’m fairly sure he won’t be murdering after that! Also, probably not doing much else either, but mostly not murdering.”

She frowned slightly. “I don’t know if forty-two people can just leave the estate and be instantly replaced though.”

“Already accounted for,” said Sophia with a smile so dazzling it took Katarina a few minutes to see properly again. “I’ve been researching replacement employees for months.”

“You’ve already solved the murder mystery,” said Nicol, “please let us handle the boring finalization details.”

“Jeord’s mole might be a little more tricky,” said Katarina, trying to remember if she had done more than casually mention him to Keith when explaining how that sword fight had happened.

“That man,” said Keith with a very nice smile, “has something very special planned for him.”

“Don’t worry,” her people said simultaneously with bright smiles. “We’ll look after this.”

Katarina had a strange feeling that, despite Mary and Keith’s outburst, her housecleaning was not a complete surprise to her people.

“I’m so subtle though,” she said to the Council. “I know I had told them about my previous suspicions and we had done investigations, but how did they realize I had made such a major breakthrough on my identification of the Employees of Murder?”

“You mean aside from the fact that you’ve been muttering about murder and jumping when the maids come near you for the last three days?” muttered Katarina 16, but she screwed her mouth shut when Katarina looked towards her.

“Well,” said Katarina thoughtfully to herself, “if this is going to be resolved so easily, I guess I better start preparing for my meeting with Jeord.”

“What?” said Mary, stopping what she was doing.

“No,” said Sophia, dropping her ledger book.

“Do you really-” said Nicol swallowing, his eyes wide.

“You can’t possibly be serious,” said Keith.

“He’s still engaged to me,” Katarina said, trying to point out the obvious. “I have to make him disengage as soon as possible.”

“He can’t be engaged to you if he’s dead,” said Mary, smiling.

“You can’t kill Jeord,” said Katarina reasonably. “We don’t have time.”

“I can make time,” said Mary.

“I am not trying to start a civil war,” said Katarina. She paused. “For now.”

Nobody’s facial expressions changed.

“Potentially he could be more reasonable now that he’s actually spoken to me?” said Katarina.

The facial expressions got worse.

“Where’s Alan?” said Katarina desperately, both incredibly curious and badly in need of a subject change.

Mary and Nicol exchanged glances.

“Alan’s not feeling well,” said Nicol.

“Well,” said Katarina, “then I can talk to Jeord and visit Alan. It will be efficient!”

Nicol and Keith exchanged glances as Nicol said thoughtfully, “That… might work.”

“Please,” he said with his most interesting smile, “do let us know when you have your meeting.”

“I have to go by myself if I want any chance of catching him off-guard,” said Katarina in warning.

Anne suddenly stiffened, but Nicol kept smiling. “Of course, ma’am, but won’t Alan need to know when you are coming to see if he is well?”

That made perfect sense and Katarina wondered why she felt so uneasy as her people continued working with increased franticness.

She was still wondering what was wrong long after the meeting had finished and everyone had dispersed. It ended up leaving her with a mild headache that she attempted to solve by taking a short walk.

Katarina had thought everyone had left the estate, but as she went outside to get a quick breath of air, she saw that Mary and Mr. Knife were standing at the edge of the woods in what looked like serious conversation.

Katarina knew that Mr. Knife did a lot for the Hunts and Mary had lots of lessons with him by herself, but there was something about the grim way they looked that made her feel uneasy. It made her wait until Mary came back to the front of the manor to wait for her carriage and it made Katarina go up to Mary and reach her hand out towards her.

“Is something wrong, Mary?” said Katarina, glad that Mary had taken her offered hand. “That looked like a very serious conversation.”

Mary smiled, although it didn’t reach her eyes. “I just needed to explain the results of one of my private knife lessons to Mr. Knife.”

“I don’t think Mr. Knife has ever asked me to explain the results of my knife lessons to him,” said Katarina, growing more concerned by the minute. “Are you in an advanced class?”

“I’m…” a series of complicated expressions passed over Mary’s face, “better with knives than you are.”

“Very true,” said Katarina admiringly. “That’s a relief!”

“But,” she said, tightening her grip on Mary’s hand as the carriage drew near, “you would tell me if the lessons are… too much for you?”

Mary smiled down at her as Katarina handed her into the carriage. “Never fear,” she said, her fingers lingering as she drew away from Katarina, “I am just as much in control of my results as you are of your plans.”

Well, thought Katarina, it seemed like everyone was doing very well!

Relieved that her people were doing well, Katarina was, if not happy, at least determined as she finally put her Jeord Plan into action.

Jeord had replied to her letter, the meeting was set, and Katarina armed herself appropriately.

As Katarina walked down the palace hallway, she carried the bouquet and the box in her hands as if they were weapons.

She supposed that, if thrown at the correct body part, the box at least could knock Jeord unconscious, but the flowers would only be useful if he had allergies.

She looked down at the bouquet.

Maybe it was so ugly that he would be stunned enough to allow her to escape?

Of course, he had sent it to her in the first place, so his sense of beauty was probably not going to be helpful in this situation.

It was odd to be in the palace by herself and, certainly, Anne had not been happy to let her go, but there was really no way to have this conversation with witnesses and get the outcome she needed.

Acting on her fear had gotten Katarina nowhere. She had always been better on attack than on defence. And, even if she only acknowledged it in the deepest part of her thoughts, at least if Jeord killed her in a fit of rage, he would no longer be able to hurt her people.

She paused outside of the parlour where she was supposed to meet Jeord.

There was no Anne to endanger this time.

Only her.

Katarina took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and marched into battle.

Jeord was standing in the middle of the room and had a calculating look in his eyes as he opened his mouth-

Katarina started talking. “I am so glad that you agreed to meet with me, your highness. I couldn’t let your… gifts pass without me returning the favour.”

She shoved the bouquet into his arms so that one of the clover buds went up his nose.

As he coughed, she put on Expression 298 I Really Am Sincere In Giving You This Truly. “I can see how much you love flowers, based on your efforts.”

Jeord stared at her and hoarsely said, “These are-”

“I, too,” said Katarina, “value beautiful eyes and cleanliness.”

She smiled, her teeth glinting. “It’s not my fault that these substandard flowers started to wilt within a day of receiving them. I hope that you receive them with as much joy as I received them from you.”

Jeord looked very strange. Katarina hoped that their fight hadn’t knocked all the brains out of his head. That would make the next part of her plan very challenging.

While he was still standing like a particularly pale tree, Katarina made her next move. She dropped the box of jewelry on the table and the heavy chains and gems spilt across the surface.

“Oops,” said Katarina with a smile full of teeth, “I forgot to mention that I don’t enjoy being bound by chains. Rather high-handed symbolism, isn’t it, your highness? I thought that you might have more use for them than I do.”

That should show the bastard, thought Katarina smugly.

She wondered why he was choking like that.

Katarina moved so that she was standing directly in front of him and glared. “End this engagement, your highness.”

Jeord smiled. “No.”

“In fact,” Jeord said, his smile growing, “I intend to invite you formally to as many events as possible as my most beloved fiancée. You aren’t nearly subtle or cunning enough to stand against me and Alan is nowhere near my level, no matter what he might have told you.”

Katarina crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow as he moved towards her.

“Sit,” said Katarina.

Jeord sat.

“Selfishness is good,” said Katarina, more to herself than him, “but stupidity isn’t. You’ve made it very clear that you find me undesirable to most of the noble families of the realm and you intend to, what, convince them that you’ve suddenly had a change of heart? Show them that you are blatantly scheming in a way that even a child could recognize? All of the worst noble forces are going to think that you’re easy to control if this is the best you can do.”

“You’re smarter than this,” she said, genuinely disappointed. Who wanted to win over their nightmares by defeating a bumbling idiot?

“Yes, I know,” said Jeord, his face uglier than Katarina or the Council had ever seen it, “I’m perfect.”

“Who said anything about perfect?” said Katarina, rather impressed by his ego. Maybe that was how he had fooled the Council?

She smiled as she thought about Alan. “Alan’s much more cunning and charismatic than you are, but you have some strengths, too. I think.”

“You…” said Jeord, a series of expressions passing over his face. “You were serious about my brother.”

“Of course I was serious,” said Katarina, offended. “I am not a liar!”

Why on earth would she tell lies that people could actually detect?

“So what are my strengths then?” said Jeord, leaning back on the chair, a smug expression growing on his face like a particularly potent mushroom.

There was a very long pause.

Katarina frowned. “You’re good at interfering. I think you can probably go on long walks, although not quite as long as Keith. Also, apparently you have beautiful eyes somewhere? I’d like to see them.”

She nodded.

That seemed pretty comprehensive!

“That’s,” said Jeord, his expression dazed, “what you think are my strengths?”

“I don’t know you,” said Katarina, lying with a completely straight face. “How can I possibly list your strengths? Everything I actually know about you is awful.”

“You keep implying I’m terrible,” said Jeord, leaning forward in his seat, “but all I hear are petty grievances and sniping. What have I done to deserve your contempt?”

“What was…” Jeord swallowed. “What was so objectionable about me that you tried to get your engagement broken without even meeting with me?”

It took every piece of self-control Katarina had not to choke that pale glowing neck. How dare he flaunt his hypocrisy! How dare he pretend to be vulnerable!

“What do you think would have happened to me,” said Katarina leaning towards him so that they were much closer together, “if you had succeeded?”

“Succeeded in what?” said Jeord, pulling on a nearly-convincing expression of confusion.

Katarina deliberately affected a childish voice. “How long can I go without seeing my horrible fiancée? Let’s make a bet, Alan! Why am I not meeting with my fiancée? Don’t you think that means there’s something wrong with her?”

“T-that’s not…” said Jeord, his face reddening, “that’s not what it was!”

“That’s exactly what it was,” said Katarina grimly. “Words are weapons, highness, and you wielded them against me casually. If I didn’t have the support of Alan and Mary, I might have been unable to keep my place in society.”

It had taken her some time to realize the gift they had given her, but, while sometimes slow, she was not a fool.

“I was a child,” said Jeord.

“So was I,” said Katarina quietly.

“And then, Prince Jeord,” she said, making sure his gaze met hers, “we neither of us were children.”

Jeord looked oddly grey. “So you believe me to be so awful that you’ll fight me until I release you.”

“I don’t particularly enjoy being cruel, except to Monsters,” said Katarina, making sure that Jeord was still looking directly into her eyes, “but you have been very badly behaved.”

“Aren’t you going to tie me up and chain me?” said Jeord, sneering. “Isn’t that what you promised?”

“I don’t touch people without permission,” said Katarina, frowning. “It’s bad to touch people without permission.”

She paused. “Unless you’re fighting. Then you touch them until they stop moving and start screaming.”

She shrugged. “It’s always a balance.”

Jeord stared at her. When he spoke, it was halting and hesitant in a way that Katarina had never associated with Jeord in any of her available memories. “What if… I gave you permission?”

Katarina blinked. Was this a test of her principles? He hadn’t actually granted her permission. Was he about to jump up and murder her if she touched him?

Suddenly she had a brilliant idea that would fulfill her threat and defeat his game.

“Oh you’ll get your chains,” said Katarina, smiling. “But I’m not going to be the one to put them on you.”

She tilted her head towards the jewelry scattered on the table. “Take those and bind yourself.”

Jeord didn’t move.

Jeord’s eyes, fixed on Katarina, didn’t move.

To be fair, it didn’t look like Jeord was breathing, so maybe he had bigger problems.

Regardless, Katarina was getting bored and it was obvious she wasn’t going to get anything useful done here.

She rose and started to walk over to the doorway. “I’m not interested in games, your highness. If you aren’t able to stand at my level, you’re not going to win. Your behaviour is appalling and you need to learn how to appropriately work with others. You need to, at the very least, learn to listen. If you continue this way, I will have no choice but to punish you.”

Well, at least Jeord was breathing now if that strange noise was any indication. Which probably meant that he was listening.

Maybe it was time to balance the subtle threats with some subtle persuasion.

Katarina paused in the doorway to the drawing room, looking back over her shoulder at the still staring Jeord. She smiled and used the most persuasive voice she could manage. “Aren’t you at all interested in what I can do for people who are good to me?”

Well, thought Katarina smugly, there was no way that could be misinterpreted.

Overall, Katarina was remarkably cheerful as she exited the drawing room. If she couldn’t appeal to Jeord’s sense of self-preservation, maybe she could appeal to his desire for an exchange of mutual benefit. Surely he could see she would make a much stronger allied supporter than a resentful unhappy fiancée!

Katarina entered into the hallway and immediately realized something very important.

Nicol was right.

Alan didn’t look well.

Katarina could have sworn that she saw the curtain at the end of the hallway move, but she was much more distracted by how Alan was barely managing to stagger down the hallway towards her.

In the space between one breath and the next she was at his side and frowning, her words fierce. “Why are you out of bed? Do I have to hold you down and make you rest?”

“Katarina,” said Alan, not quite looking at her and Katarina realized that he had known that she was there, that he had been coming to meet her, “I’m not sick.”

“Then what?” said Katarina, secretly plotting how she could get him to a doctor whether or not he wanted to go. Maybe if she knocked him out?

“I’m not sick,” said Alan, his voice dull, “I’m sorry.”

“What?” said Katarina.

He took a quick breath. “I should never have tried to break your engagement on my own.”

Fifteen dissolution petitions.

Alan had sent Jeord fifteen petitions to end their engagement.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” said Katarina softly.

“You were so afraid,” said Alan, meeting her eyes with a raw misery that overwhelmed every one of Katarina’s senses. “You didn’t even want to be in the same room as Jeord. It seemed cruel to make you have to deal with him when I could just handle it privately.”

The corners of Alan’s eyes were growing wet and he blinked. “And I just made everything so much worse and he’s so angry now that he’ll try to hurt you even more-”

Alan took a deep shuddering breath and roughly wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. “I won’t… I won’t let him hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you, even accidentally. Please believe in me at least that much.”

“You…” said Katarina, “you don’t want to hurt me?”

Alan sucked in a sharp breath that was more pain than air.

“Katarina,” said Alan, his eyes suddenly much older than the rest of his body, “you’re my partner. I’d never want to hurt you anyways, but nobody should ever hurt their partner.”

Katarina walked into his fierce embrace completely instinctually.

That… that made sense.

Alan was her partner.

You don’t hurt partners.

She couldn’t tell if the keening noise was her or Alan.

She couldn’t tell if the body was her or Alan.

Somewhere in a part of her mind that Katarina could barely recognize, Katarina 18 (what do I do now?) walked over to Katarina 2 (sometimes we just have to let go) and laid her head on her shoulder.

Partners.

With the brilliant and cunning Alan (partner!) so worried about her unfortunately continuing engagement, Katarina knew that she couldn’t wait on Jeord to make up his mind. Instead, she had to take the step that she had been dreading.

Taking a deep breath, Katarina squared her shoulders and knocked on the door in front of her.

When the door opened, Katarina spoke before the other person had the chance to turn her away. “Forgive me, Duke Claes,” said Katarina, “but we need to talk.”

“I want out, your Lordship,” said Katarina. “I will do anything, anything at all to end this farce of an engagement.”

The man who Katarina had once called father seemed to age a dozen years in front of her. “I should say that you should have mentioned this years ago, but the truth is, I’ve known your feelings. Millidiana and I agree that this is a terrible match for you.”

Katarina gave a brief mental cheer that her unladylike behaviour obviously made her parents think that she was unworthy of being a princess. It was almost worth the Party that Was Never to be Mentioned Again.

The Duke took a deep shuddering sigh. “We’ve been sending petitions for the dissolution of the engagement for some time now.”

“You have?” said Katarina, too shocked to realize the full implications of what he was saying.

“We’ve been completely refused,” said the Duke, his eyes dull. “I am the head of the third most powerful family in the kingdom and I do not have the power to free you from this-”

Suddenly, the fire was back in the Duke’s eyes as he banged a fist on the table, sending papers flying everywhere “-miserable excuse of a cur who makes a mockery of my precious daughter and won’t let her go so she can wed her true love and live with Mummy and Daddy forever and-”

Katarina didn’t really pay attention to his ranting as she turned over the more important part of his statement.

“So if you don’t have the power to free me from this engagement,” said Katarina slowly, “then who does?”

In hindsight, it was an incredibly obvious answer.

Katarina was getting really good at writing letters.

She only hoped that Duke Claes was too.

It was easier to get a Royal audience than Katarina had expected.

Unfortunately, this seemed to make the entire Council much more nervous than if it had taken some time.

It was maybe the first time Katarina had been truly annoyed by the Council, because they seemed to assume that she was incapable of navigating a brief, engagement-dissolving audience with the King and Queen.

To add insult to injury, the Council had forced Katarina to sit through a lesson on politics that somehow managed to be even more painful than her stupid never-ending consort lessons.

“Remember,” said Katarina 20, “that each of the princes have become engaged to a daughter from the four highest ranked families in the kingdom.”

Katarina rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know. The two eldest and Jeord are engaged to Dukes’ daughters and Alan is engaged to a Marquess’ daughter. But I’m only engaged to Jeord because of that stupid accident and my own insistence on the engagement. I still don’t understand why they can’t just find another high-ranked sacrifice for Jeord.”

“No, you don’t know,” said Katarina 20, in maybe the first time Katarina had ever seen her genuinely angry with her. “You’re listening but you obviously don’t understand.”

Katarina stared at her.

Katarina 20 sighed and suddenly sounded much much older. “To be perfectly fair, we have been less than clear ourselves when we’ve talked to you about this. It’s not entirely Jeord’s fault that he isn’t just breaking off the engagement. Our miscalculation was that, just as in his past lives, he would despise us enough that he would end the engagement early when given an opportunity rather than waiting until later as he did with most of us. Obviously, he has never truly cared about the political implications of the engagement, but if you are going to persuade their majesties you will have to care about the political balance.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina, her voice noticeably less sulky.

“The princes are engaged to one daughter from each of the Dukedoms and the most powerful Marquessate,” said Katarina 20. “Some of the Dukedoms have multiple daughters. Why do you think the princes aren’t, for instance, engaged to a pair of sisters?”

“Oh,” said Katarina, her blood turning to ice as she realized the implications. “They need to divide the power. To make sure the royal family retains the support of the nobles, no one family can be-”

“-seen to be more favoured than the others,” said Katarina 20 softly.

She leaned over to gently brush Katarina’s hair back from her face. “You have done well with this, dearest. Please forgive my impatience. It took me years to realize what you are being forced to learn in hours and it is only my concern that makes me snap so.”

“Did the engagements have to be paired in the way they are?” said Katarina, thinking out loud and trying to put together some final nagging puzzle pieces.

“I assume the Randalls were insistent that their greater power as a duchy was recognized by being joined with the eldest son, but the other engagements should have been less concerned about the partners,” said Katarina 20, sounding slightly puzzled by the question.

“So…” said Katarina, “if I hadn’t fallen and hurt myself and insisted on becoming engaged to Jeord, I could have been engaged to Alan?”

The Council seemed to have been stunned into silence.

Katarina wasn’t…

Katarina actually wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Frankly, the way her entire body had heated at the thought scared her. She would never betray her Lady Friend or her partner that way. Never!

“Or Ian,” said Katarina 27 (death by poison in a drink administered by the eldest of the fiendish Stuart brothers) in an obvious attempt at distraction. “Although I suppose he was probably already engaged by then to that quiet Berg daughter. Though the Claes are more powerful than the Bergs.”

“At least,” she said with a shudder, “Jeffrey wouldn’t have been an option.”

“Ian? Jeffrey?” said Katarina, trying to remember why the names sounded familiar.

“Oh!” said Katarina 20 in a sharp exhale. “It didn’t even occur to us that if you were avoiding Jeord, you were also mostly avoiding the palace since Alan mainly comes here...”

“What else did we forget to tell her?” said Katarina 16, her voice almost panicked. “If she doesn’t know even that much, she’s going to be eaten alive.”

“It’s not that bad,” said Katarina 11 with a rather surprising glare at the rest of the Council. “It’s not like knowing every detail of the court gossip saved any of our lives.”

She smiled viciously. “Our peak Katarina already has much sharper teeth than any of us and we all know it’s the teeth that count.”

Katarina wasn’t sure what was more shocking- Katarina 11’s second round of support for her or the way the rest of the Council seemed to fold back in on themselves.

“Be that as it may,” said Katarina 20, her face pale, “it is important to have more weapons than less.”

Katarina 16 smoothly stepped in, placing a hand on Katarina 20’s shoulder and glaring at Katarina 11. “Jeffrey is the eldest Stuart son and first prince of the realm. Ian is the second eldest Stuart prince. There is a… considerable age gap between them and the twin princes.”

Katarina 27 frowned. “I don’t think any of us had much contact with Ian. He was of as little interest to us as we were to him. I’m not even sure I remember what he looks like.”

She took a deep breath. “On the other hand, stay as far away from Jeffrey as you can. He makes Jeord look like a man of kindness and compassion.”

To Katarina’s surprise, the rest of the Council was nodding in unison.

“Worse than Jeord?” said Katarina, blood draining from her lips.

“So much worse,” said Katarina 20, the woman who had died by Jeord’s hand. “So much worse.”

“Why,” said Katarina, finally truly scared, “does the royal family have so many potential Monsters?”

“Magic,” said Katarina 35, stretching. “Look, sweetheart, it’s not too late to just run away with a couple of Lady Friends.”

Katarina came into the royal audience chamber both terrified and determined. The Council had largely descended into squabbling after Katarina 35 had made her proposal and Katarina had never gotten to ask more about the King and Queen themselves. However, she understood enough of the political situation now to realize just how much of a problem she was about to create. Knowing what she was facing, she had realized exactly how she would need to behave and how good of a solution she would have to present to escape. Luckily, Katarina was good at both Plans and Solutions.

She smiled as she moved towards the two people on the thrones in front of her.

There was no way that she could fail now!

“Grace be to the sun and moon of Sorcier,” said Katarina, lowering herself into a graceful curtsey.

It was an incredibly archaic greeting, but Katarina felt that throwing people off-guard and then hitting them was really the only way she was ever going to win a fight, whether of swords or words.

“Rise child,” said the King. “We understand that you are presenting a petition on behalf of the Claes duchy.”

Katarina tried not to exhale in relief. So Duke Claes had followed through on at least one piece of paperwork. Maybe she could even get Jeord in trouble in the meantime.

She was going to have to gamble.

If she was wrong…

If she was wrong, she was already trapped anyways.

“Or dead,” said Katarina 11, her gaze unusually penetrating.

Katarina ignored her.

She kept her eyes lowered and Expression 28 Respectful and Mostly In-Control But Not In-Control Enough to Murder firmly on her face “The Claes have submitted a number of written petitions on this issue, but we felt that perhaps a direct audience might be more productive.”

“Petitions, you say,” said the Queen, her voice like wind chimes in a soft breeze.

Take that, Jeord, thought Katarina, trying not to let her relief show on her face.

She knew he hadn’t told his parents.

“Or rather,” said Katarina 35 lazily, “you were willing to risk your life on the belief that he hadn’t told his parents.”

Katarina ignored her too.

“It is a simple matter,” said Katarina, carefully raising her eyes and leaving them in Expression 354 Limpid and Harmless. “The terms of our initial contract with Prince Jeord Stuart have been fulfilled. The Claes dukedom requests a dissolution of the engagement of Katarina Claes and Jeord Stuart as soon as papers can be drawn.”

Katarina wasn’t bothered at all by the ominous silence from the thrones. After all, when had she ever achieved anything easily?

“There are of course multiple reasons why this dissolution is of benefit to the kingdom,” Katarina continued smoothly.

“I am,” said Katarina, “utterly unworthy of his most royal highness.”

Nothing, thought Katarina, that I’ve ever done has made me bad enough to deserve that bastard.

Keeping her eyes modestly averted, Katarina continued. “The Claes dukedom is in full support of this dissolution-”

-and she would personally strangle Duke Claes if he went back on his agreement.

“-now that the initial complaint in the contract has been resolved. It is therefore our humble request that we be released from this match to allow their majesties to find a partner better suited for the third prince and his future prospects.”

There was a deep prolonged silence and Katarina’s heart sank.

“You know, my dear,” the King said thoughtfully as he turned towards the Queen, “we do have more than one son. Alan has been extremely… eager to see this particular arrangement ended-”

“What are you implying, your majesty?” said Katarina, truly offended. “Lady Mary is one of my dearest friends.”

Well, one of her dearest Lady Friends, but still!

The Queen was looking at Katarina with a very strange expression. Katarina was aware that she was verging on insubordination, but honestly, to so thoroughly insult her loyalty was beyond offensive.

Katarina was prepared to receive punishment.

Katarina was not prepared for the Queen to look over at the King and for the King to bow his head to the Queen.

The Queen rose gracefully from her throne and walked over to the frozen Katarina.

“Come, my child,” she said with a gentle smile that sent chills down the back of Katarina’s spine, “let us become better acquainted.”

It occurred to Katarina, as she and the Queen entered into the private inner garden of the palace, that she had finally had the perfect opportunity to end this mess permanently. She could surely be just badly behaved enough that the Queen wouldn’t want her as a daughter-in-law while not quite badly behaved enough to make the Queen want to murder her. She even had a solution to the political problem that she could subtly slip in between her social faux pas.

Surely someone as lovely and gentle as the Queen had incredible levels of self-control and patience?

She wondered why Katarina 22 (death by the Queen’s hat pin) was shrieking in the back of her head.

“So tell me,” said the Queen once they were well out of hearing range of either the guards or the palace, her voice as sweet as the flowers around her, “if the Claes duchy does not intend to propose a simple exchange of the marriage candidates with the Hunt marquessate, what precisely are they proposing to maintain our imperial friendship?”

Somehow, Katarina had the strong sense that she needed to choose her next words very, very carefully. It was a good thing that she was talented at being careful with her words!

“It’s hardly a useful friendship for your majesties to have someone as charmless and murder-attracting as myself as your daughter-in-law,” said Katarina with all of the sincerity at her disposal. “I’m not even a secret baby!”

The Queen blinked at her, her mouth opening and then closing again without speaking.

Taking that as a sign that she was receptive, Katarina continued with a growing feeling of hope. “I have a much better proposal for your majesty!”

There was a brief moment of silence then, “…Proceed.”

Here was the tricky part, but Katarina was feeling that strange flood of sensation she felt when she was running from angry dogs so she was sure that she was sharp enough to navigate the danger.

“You see, your majesty,” said Katarina, “may I be frank?”

This was of course rude and inappropriate but also not rude and inappropriate enough for murder.

“Please,” said the Queen, staring intently at Katarina.

“Your son is an idiot,” said Katarina. “But he’s potentially a useful idiot, especially if he’s not engaged to someone as politically unhelpful as myself.”

Katarina sent a silent prayer of forgiveness to Jeord, because she didn’t really think he was stupid, but…

She continued hastily before she actually got murdered. “You see, it’s an excellent idea to balance the power of the four largest families by tying them by blood to the House of Stuart. It’s brilliant really, as long as the sons don’t start slaughtering one another-”

Katarina cut herself off, realizing that might be a slightly sensitive topic and immediately launched into her actual piece of brilliance. “So it’s fantastic for the upper nobility, but significantly less useful for all of the families below them whose combined power is nearly as much as the top families.”

“But wait,” said Katarina, really getting into her pitch. “There’s a solution! There’s nothing power hungry nobles love more than a little competition and the faint, impossible hope that they can raise their position.”

“So,” she said, leaning towards the Queen, “why not have a little contest?”

Katarina spread out her hands as if she was indicating a proclamation. “Are you dissatisfied with your current rank? Do you feel like you are invisible to the powers that be? Why not take your chances to prove that you yes you could engage your daughter to the most charming prince in Sorcier? Don’t you feel as if the royal family really cares about you?”

“Obviously, a little looseness with the truth is advisable in this kind of advertising,” said Katarina in a confidential tone.

She was smugger than she’d ever been. She’d been impossibly rude but she’d also provided a clean, brilliant solution that even the royal family couldn’t deny would be much more effective than keeping her engagement.

There was a rather pregnant pause.

“So, my son as a prize for ambitious and potentially dangerous families of interest,” said the Queen, her expression unreadable.

Katarina brightened. Obviously the Queen thought she was rude and ill-mannered, but she wasn’t dismissing the idea out of hand.

Katarina hastily continued, “It’s an important principle of management, your majesty. Give people a goal and they will work harder and focus more on the goal rather than other distracting or dangerous side plans. They’ll be more likely to go after their fellow competitors than the person offering them a prize.”

“It’s important to incentivize competition,” said Katarina pounding her fist into her hand.

She was proud of how well she had learned Mr. Knife’s lessons on How to Run a Business Without Generating Investigations.

Strangely, the Queen’s next question had nothing to do with Katarina’s Brilliant Plan. “My child, you disclaim an interest in the princes. Is this because you perhaps have an interest in greater horizons than Sorcier? Are you at all interested in a marriage alignment with foreign nobility? Say as the joint ruler of some of our more… progressive neighbours?”

“I have enough people to tell what they need to do,” said Katarina in complete bafflement. “I don’t need any more people to control.”

The Queen’s smile was far, far more terrifying than anything Jeord could have ever dreamed. “My stupid son is far smarter than I ever imagined.”

“Your majesty?” said Katarina, becoming increasingly nervous. Was it something she’d said? She thought had been sufficiently badly behaved to ruffle even the most composed of royalty, but maybe the Queen was just going to murder her instead?

“Run along now,” said the Queen.

Relieved and more than a little confused, Katarina curtsied and exited.

Surely this, thought Katarina. I’ve been terrible. I’ve even proposed a solution to get rid of me. The engagement should be dissolved by the time I return home.

After a day of celebratory shopping for sword sheathes and avoiding cabbage merchants, Katarina returned home to be greeted with an invitation to the official celebration of the engagement of the Prince of Sorcier and Katarina of the Claes Dukedom.

After Katarina finished screaming in frustration, she realized something was wrong. The royal family must have been very rushed getting the invitations to the printers. They’d somehow forgotten to include Jeord’s name.

It took her nearly an hour to realize that they’d scheduled the celebration on her birthday.

Her fifteenth birthday.

Her Coming of Age birthday.

It wasn’t that Katarina hated birthdays.

It was that-

“I can’t believe,” said Mary, her teeth strangely sharp in the light, “that after all these years of refusing to let us have a birthday celebration for you, that the Queen finally convinced you to have a huge public event.”

“No,” said Katarina, trying not to let her rising hysteria overwhelm her, “the Queen has decided on her own to celebrate the engagement I’ve been trying to dissolve with a huge public event.”

“That’s not-” said Mary, before abruptly cutting herself off, a queer expression on her face.

“Say,” said Mary, “your research has mostly been focused on secret babies, hasn’t it? You’ve not really studied courtship or engagement contracts outside of what is covered in etiquette training, have you?”

“No,” said Katarina, losing her hysteria to bafflement. “Should I?”

“Oh not at all,” said Mary. “In fact, you should avoid studying them at all costs. Very boring and useless.”

Then she stopped, looking as if she had swallowed something sour and seemed to start talking to herself. “That’s not fair though. I will be fair. I will try to be fair.”

Much louder, she said, “Would you like me to give you some materials about engagement contracts?”

Katarina sighed. “As much as I will need to explore those at some point, I’m going to have to prioritize determining where I went wrong and how I can survive this public engagement to Jeord.”

“I did offer,” Mary mumbled. “Nobody can say I didn’t offer.”

Katarina assumed that her brilliant Lady Friend was doing something so amazing that it had passed from amazing over to confusing.

Mary smiled and spoke much more loudly. “You’re quite right, Katarina. Let’s talk about how you’re going to get ready for the ball.”

Her eyes glinted. “What colours are you planning to wear?”

Mary wasn’t the only person who had an odd reaction to the engagement party. Everyone else seemed much happier than Katarina was and she hadn’t seen Alan at all.

Katarina couldn’t even imagine how mad he was at her.

Other than fleeing the country, she saw no way to get out of it, and the Council was even less use than usual because they seemed to be spending most of their time arguing over some obscure technicality about plural marriages that completely baffled Katarina.

It was with decidedly mixed feelings that Katarina put on the most genuinely beautiful dress she had ever seen (Mary was terrifying and efficient) and headed to the stairs of Claes manor. She had even let one of the undermaids who wanted to open her own salon do something with her hair. Katarina had largely agreed because the maid had promised to include plumeria in the style, but she had been so late getting finished that she hadn’t even had a look at the final product before leaving.

It was decidedly not looking promising because as soon as Katarina exited her room, Anne had taken one look at her, made a strange sobbing noise, and run off in the opposite direction. Katarina knew that Anne wasn’t allowed to attend the party, but she had no idea Anne was so hurt by the exclusion!

Slightly shaken, she had barely made it to the top of the stairs when a strange gurgling noise had frozen her in place. Keith would have broken his neck tumbling down the stairs if she hadn’t grabbed him, although it was a little awkward that he had gotten buried in her bosom in the process. She still wasn’t sure he hadn’t somehow hurt himself because he was so pale and incapable of speaking or even moving without her prompting.

Then, to make matters worse, the Duke and Millidiana had appeared as she was shepherding Keith down the stairs and promptly burst into tears.

Both of them!

It was unbelievable!

By the time she made it to the carriage, Katarina was convinced that she was even more cursed than all of the murders might imply and the Council, equally baffled, was forced to agree.

The butler had been wiping away tears.

The butler!

She had thought that would be the most bizarre part of the experience.

Then she entered the ballroom.

Keith was a good escort and the Duke and Millidiana had been strangely insistent that they both be announced together as Katarina and Keith Claes.

Katarina wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with formal entrance announcements, but she couldn’t ever remember that many people turning to stare at her when she came into a room.

“Let’s see if we can find the others,” Katarina hissed at Keith out of the corner of her mouth.

“As you say, Master,” said Keith, sounding strangely dazed.

“My lady,” hissed Katarina, growing genuinely alarmed. “Call me ‘my lady’.”

“My lady,” said Keith, a dreamy smile on his face and Katarina decided that maybe it was better to stop talking. Obviously he had hit his head on the stairs. Maybe there was a doctor in the palace?

Pulling Keith along with her, Katarina was relieved to see Sophia and Nicol in what seemed to be a very involved conversation.

It was rude to interrupt conversations and to call out, but Katarina was feeling desperate. She compromised by waiting to say something until she was nearly on top of them and they still hadn’t managed to notice her.

“Nicol,” Katarina whispered into his ear, trying to draw as little attention as possible, “I am so glad to see you.”

Surely the prime minister’s son would know where to find the palace doctor!

There was a strange noise in front of her and Katarina spun just in time to watch Sophia’s glass arc beautifully in the air and vanish into the velvet curtains at the edge of the ballroom.

“Princess,” whispered Sophia, her face even paler than normal.

“Yes, you’re a princess,” said Katarina, trying to determine what kind of code this was. “But do you know where-”

Katarina suddenly realized that she was carrying deadweight.

And it wasn’t Keith.

“Nicol?” said Katarina staring down at his closed eyes and perfect swoon into her arms. It was a good thing she had been doing those weighted runs! “Nicol!”

It was also a good thing that Keith no longer seemed to be leaning on her arm, because it was taking all of Katarina’s strength to hold Nicol in the forced dip she had used to catch his body.

Before she could start screaming for help, his eyes fluttered, and a dull red flush spread over his cheeks as she slowly helped him back to a standing position.

Once he was fully standing, he started to try to speak, then licked his lips and attempted to speak again.

He didn’t even look at Katarina as he finally found words.

“Why,” he said staring at Keith, with maybe the first glare Katarina had ever seen on his face, “didn’t you warn us?”

“Do you think,” hissed Keith, looking much better, “that I knew anything about… this?”

The three of them looked at one another and then as one singular voice growled-

“Mary.”

“What about me?” said dazzling Lady Friend Mary appearing with flushed cheeks and a broad smile. “Oh, it’s just as perfect as I imagined. Give us a spin, Katarina!”

“NO!” shouted Keith, Sophia, and Nicol.

Katarina was moving beyond confusion into concern. She started to look around for any possible escape from the situation.

“Oh look,” she said with Expression 502 If I Smile Enough You Won’t Notice My Clever Escape, “I think I see Alan!”

She was faster than all of them and it turned out the silver hair did belong to Alan, so at least she could go talk to someone charming and cunning and give her other people a few minutes to work out their problems with one another.

She stepped into his field of view with both relief and real delight.

Alan was holding a wine glass.

Katarina frowned.

Well, he had been holding a wine glass.

He was really lucky that neither the glass nor the wine had splashed on him when it hit the floor although that lady with the ostrich feathers was probably not very happy with him.

“I’m glad to see you, Alan,” said Katarina, beaming.

“Guh,” said Alan.

Katarina’s eyes brightened. It had been awhile since Alan had presented her with mysterious plans for world domination, although usually they were longer and involved more words. Maybe it was an acronym?

“We need you to come with us,” said Millidiana, appearing from behind her. She seized Katarina’s arm and frowned at Alan before starting to march in the direction of the crowd of nobles. Katarina was removed and gone before she was even able to present her guess to Alan.

Katarina soon found herself huddled with Millidiana and Duke Claes, who had returned with Keith shortly after Millidiana had seized her. The two of them had basically pushed her and Keith together until she had taken his arm and then pulled them to the front of the assembly as the King and Queen were announced.

Katarina could feel her arm begin to shake in anticipation of the impending engagement announcement, and was relieved when Keith gave her a gentle squeeze, his expression understanding rather than strange.

Weirdly, even though Jeord had appeared with the King and Queen, no announcement followed their introduction. The King merely raised his arms and commanded the start of the celebration.

Katarina was too relieved to worry too much about the lack of announcement. Every second she had before the formal announcement was a second where she could get the engagement dissolved.

She was a little startled when she looked up again and realized that Jeord was staring at her, his face as white as a sheet of paper and his hand frozen on his exposed arm, where an incredibly ugly thick golden chain was twined and bound around his wrist.

Katarina was puzzled. She could have sworn that the thick gold chain around Jeord’s wrist looked oddly familiar. Was it some kind of strange fashion statement?

Before she could contemplate it further, she found herself pulled into the never-ending stream of people coming to speak to the Duke and Millidiana.

“Congrat-” said the first Count, who then stopped for some mysterious reason and looked like he had swallowed his tongue. He seemed to be staring behind Katarina, but she was pretty sure only Duke Claes was behind her so she had no idea what was making him so uncomfortable.

It was a situation that seemed to repeat itself for an endless period of time. Although Katarina was relieved to not have to discuss the engagement (she knew no one was going to celebrate her birthday), the alternative topics the people found were-

“How much training have you had in household management?”

“Will you become one of the Queen’s handmaidens?”

“Do you really have childbearing hips?”

At least nobody else seemed to be afflicted with the mysterious initial behaviour of her people. Katarina carefully glanced over at Keith. He seemed to be feeling better. He certainly had a strong grip on her arm and she was sure that he didn’t really growl at the last Baron’s son because Millidiana would have said something other than, “Well done,” to him under her breath.

Katarina looked out into the crowd and watched yet another tall, distinguished-looking gentleman approach them. For this one though there was something familiar about his face.

As Katarina pondered where she had seen it before, she realized that it was a face that she vaguely remembered from The Party That Was Not To Be Mentioned.

“Claes,” said the distinguished-looking gentleman.

“Randall,” said Duke Claes.

They then did some complicated thing with their hands and, while Katarina stared in astonishment, broke into wide grins.

“This is Duke Randall,” said Duke Claes. “We were competitive dueling partners at the Academy.”

“Millidiana,” said Duke Randall, slinging his arm over Duke Claes’ shoulder, “lovely as ever.”

He nodded towards Keith. “This must be the heir then.”

“His name,” said Millidiana coolly, her eyes flashing, “is Keith.”

Duke Randall ignored her, turning instead towards-

“This is,” said Duke Claes, a beaming smile on his face, “my daughter Katarina Claes.”

The other Duke bowed over her hand, and Katarina was surprised by his sharp gaze before he straightened with a smile. “Well you won’t have to worry about how to parcel her out once this business is solved. I can see why Sorcier is too small a field for such a brilliant bargaining chip. She definitely has her mother’s… attributes.”

Katarina stared at him, for once absolutely no words or thoughts coming to mind.

“Bear with it,” hissed Millidiana out of the corner of her mouth. “We need him alive.”

Katarina lasted five minutes.

“My lovely Susanna had all the best etiquette teachers,” said Duke Randall, winking at Katarina. “I’m sure that you would be able to remember at least some of that information. It would greatly increase your market value, you know.”

If she stayed there was going to be a murder. For once, it probably wasn’t going to be aimed at her, if the way Keith had started to bare his teeth was any indication.

“I need some refreshments,” said Katarina Expression 322 Of Course I Actually Enjoy Listening to You Politely Patronize Me working very hard to stay on her face. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

Before Millidiana could find a way to contain her, Katarina removed herself from Keith’s arm, curtsied with all the grace of too many repeated memories of etiquette lessons, and fled for the refreshment table.

Between constantly having to avoid Jeord and the demands of her people, Katarina couldn’t remember a time when she had been able to have a dessert at a party.

She frowned.

Millidiana didn’t believe in heavy desserts, so parties were her only option to taste the mille-feuilles of her dreams.

A slow smile spread across her face. At this party, she didn’t need to run from Jeord, she was temporarily not responsible for anyone, and it was her birthday. The cake would be hers!

Just to make sure, Katarina flagged a passing server.

“Excuse me,” she said With Expression 413 Not-Over Eager Anticipation and Total Lack of Concern, “is there cake at this banquet?”

The server gave her a strange look. “It’s an engagement party, lady. What do you think?”

Katarina should have said something about his rudeness, but she was far too happy to care. She headed towards the refreshment table with the enthusiasm of someone who had been freed from both her parents and years of self-denial.

She stopped dead when she looked over the table.

It took her nearly a moment to find her voice.

“Desserts,” she said mournfully. “Where are the desserts?”

The refreshment table consisted entirely of cabbage wrapped appetizers and bottles of wine and liquor.

“This is a terrible birthday,” said Katarina.

“Oh look,” said Katarina 11, in a slow drawl, “looks like it’s time for alcohol.”

“I hate you,” said Katarina, even as she took a glass of something that smelled like it looked.

“Cheers,” said Katarina 11, raising her flask in a mock salute.

Walking without looking to either side of herself so that nobody could grab her attention, Katarina headed straight for the small balcony she knew was hidden behind a curtain thanks to a few memories of Katarina 35 that she would really rather not revisit.

“Useful though, isn’t it?” said Katarina 35 with a smirk.

Silently, Katarina had to agree.

She leaned her elbows on the balcony railing and let out a deep sigh.

At least she could be alone for a few minutes and settle her thoughts.

“Katarina Claes,” said the voice behind her. “Finally.”

Katarina spun around.

And blinked.

“My apologies for the lack of formalities, but you’re a hard woman to speak to. Also, I don’t want to be king,” said the serious-looking blonde man with the stylish glasses and a large glass in his hand.

“That’s nice?” said Katarina, bewildered.

The man peered closer at her and his gaze sharpened. “No one’s told you,” he said musingly.

“Told me what?” said Katarina, all of her warning instincts beginning to tingle in the back of her mind.

The man’s smile was grim. “All of Her Majesty’s sons had their pre-arranged engagements dissolved between the time she met with you and the day of this party. Whoever becomes engaged to you is strongly implied to be the most likely candidate to become the next ruler of Sorcier.”

Katarina’s legs gave out underneath her and she staggered backwards against the balcony, barely managing to avoid dropping her glass. “What?”

She swallowed as the world began to spin. “You must be joking.”

“Do I look like,” the man gestured broadly to himself, “the kind of man to joke?”

“By the way I’m Ian,” he said, with a curt bow. “I’m the second eldest of Her Majesty’s sons and the one you don’t want to become engaged to.”

“My dearest Lady Friend, Mary, was engaged to Alan,” said Katarina, feeling the blood drain from her face. “Oh gods.”

How had she, even accidentally, managed to betray Mary? Was this why Mary had been so cheerful for the last few weeks? Was she planning Katarina’s murder for accidentally removing her fiancé?

Katarina shook her head. That didn’t really seem like Mary’s style as an honest and perfect-at-all-things-including-Murder Lady Friend, but gods…

And Alan…

“What a disaster,” said Katarina, her lips bloodless.

Ian looked unexpectedly sympathetic as he nodded. “As someone who has a lot of experience with my family’s ideas and their commitment to making those ideas happen… I’d like to say that this is going to blow over, but honestly, it’s probably going to get even worse and continue for a length of time that will make you wish you had never heard of anyone with the last name of Stuart.”

“Shouldn’t you be trying to reassure me?” said Katarina. “After all, I’m the one who can drop you right in the middle of this mess if I decide I want to end this as quickly as possible.”

Ian smiled grimly. “But then you’d be engaged to me, wouldn’t you? My mother would never let you escape. I’m also terrible at many more things than reassurance.”

They both stared at one another intently before Katarina felt her lips reluctantly turn upwards.

“Are you sure you aren’t actually a secret baby?” said Katarina.

“Positive,” said Ian. “Although I don’t blame you for wondering, I investigated that possibility years ago. I’m definitely legitimate. Unfortunately.”

“Barring the physical resemblance, you certainly have Prince Jeord’s lack of respect for social etiquette,” said Katarina dryly.

Ian shrugged, looking completely unoffended. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. I couldn’t waste what looked like the only chance I would have to speak with you on pleasantries.”

He sighed and ran an agitated hand through his hair.

“On that front, the sooner you reject me and convince my mother I’m not a potential candidate for your hand, the sooner I can clear this up with my actual fiancée,” said Ian. “I have no idea how I am going to explain this to her.”

“Believe me,” said Katarina, “I completely understand and, for what it’s worth, I have no idea what the Queen is thinking.”

She took a sip from her glass. “But do you really think that you’ll be released from this situation if I just tell the Queen I don’t want you? I have no idea why she created this situation, but I have to wonder if she’ll just easily follow along with my suggestions since she didn’t even let me know what was happening in the first place.”

“I’m sure that she’ll be reasonable,” said Ian.

There was a look of desperation in his eyes that Katarina could respect as a connoisseur of survival strategies that involved denying the blatantly obvious.

She paused, thinking of her own tangled engagement history. “How do you feel about your fiancée?”

“I love her,” said Ian instantly and then winced. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that aloud before.”

“You might want to practice saying that aloud in front of the woman you actually love,” said Katarina with a slight twist of her lips.

She shook her head at people’s abilities to create horrible misunderstandings by not clearly stating their feelings. It was obvious that she would have to be equally clear with Ian, to demonstrate how he should behave in the future.

“I don’t want to be engaged,” said Katarina. “I especially don’t want to be engaged to someone who doesn’t want to be engaged to me.”

Ian looked over at her with complete mutual understanding. Silently, the two of them clicked their glasses together and took a large swig of their drinks.

Ten minutes later, they still hadn’t been interrupted and Katarina was seriously considering whether or not Ian might actually be a secret baby.

He had a far darker sense of humour than either of the royal brothers that she knew and, as brilliant and cunning as Alan was, Ian was a master of secretly making other people’s lives miserable. She suspected that the stories were all thinly veiled threats, but still.

She leaned closer to him, balancing both of her hands on the balcony railing for support.

At some point the drink glasses had vanished, although Katarina had her suspicions about the flashes of light in the hedge below the balcony.

“-and then,” said Ian, a rather twisted grin on his face, “the marriage certificate with the frog was deemed valid.”

“You are terrifying,” said Katarina, her eyes wide with sincere appreciation.

“No,” said Alan, appearing as if out of thin air. “No, you don’t.”

Katarina almost unconsciously leaned into his side as Alan gently wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Get your own partner,” he said, glaring at Ian.

“And why don’t you,” said the last person Katarina wanted to hear from at this moment, “take your hands off my fiancée. You shouldn’t touch people unless you have their permission.”

Katarina suppressed a groan as Jeord stepped in front of her and Alan with a glare of his very own.

Ian on the other hand looked as if he had come to a very sudden realization.

His smile towards her was so broad Katarina felt as if she was going to be blinded by its intensity. “Bless you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He laughed in a way that made both Alan and Jeord’s eyes widen in alarm and threw his hands up in the air. “I’m free. I’m finally free.”

Ian headed for the entrance to the balcony, whistling, and turned before he re-entered the ballroom, staring straight at Katarina. “I’m sorry I can’t help you, but you understand of course. In these kinds of situations, it’s every forcibly crown-promoted escapee for themselves.”

Katarina wasn’t entirely sure that she understood him, but the fact that he obviously thought he’d found a loophole and was throwing her to the wolves, or his mother, was blatantly obvious. She couldn’t even hate him. She’d have done exactly the same thing if she could have figured out whatever he had just discovered.

Unfortunately, there was a more immediately pressing concern.

“Are you mad at me?” said Katarina, turning in Alan’s grasp so that she could meet his eyes.

Alan looked baffled, then his gaze hardened. “If you want Ian, I won’t get in your way, but all of my brothers are-”

“Why would I want Ian?” said Katarina, even more baffled than Alan. “I’m sorry that I broke your engagement!”

Katarina had never seen an expression like that on Alan’s face before. It was almost like it was his birthday and not hers.

“You’re sorry,” said Alan, leaning in towards her, his voice rough, “that you broke my engagement?”

“Yes,” said Katarina, swaying slightly. Why did he smell like chocolate?

“So are you planning,” said Alan, his breath mingling with hers, “to grant me another engagement to replace it?”

Katarina’s mind went blank.

He was-

“Did you forget,” said Jeord, “that I’m standing right here?”

Alan made a very scary noise.

He did not let go of Katarina.

“You could solve that,” said Alan through gritted teeth, “by going away.”

“She’s my fiancée,” said Jeord, but there was a layer of doubt and… fear? that Katarina had never heard in his voice previously.

“She’s no one’s fiancée,” said Alan. “Mother has made very sure of that. She gets to choose.”

“I’m not engaged?” said Katarina, her voice starting to rise in excitement.

“Well, not exactly,” said Alan, his voice starting to sound oddly panicky.

“I’m not engaged!” said Katarina and she spun out of Alan’s arms laughing and dancing on the balcony.

“I’m not engaged!” she said to Jeord as she spun past him.

She was out the balcony door and into the ballroom within seconds.

Unfortunately, as much as her joy was overflowing, she also realized that the stress had been blocking her need to deal with other kinds of overflowing as well. Luckily, she was quite familiar with the palace bathroom locations and tried not to think too hard about how this was the architectural feature that all of her past lives had memorized.

She was happily bustling down the hallway when an arm reached out and pulled her into a small room with an open window.

“Hello,” says the silver-haired man in front of her, “I’ve been waiting to meet you, Katarina Claes.”

He has artfully disheveled hair, a charming smile, and the coldest eyes Katarina has ever seen.

He looks like Alan. He looks nothing like Alan.

“So this,” he says idly twirling the glass in his hand, “is the girl who made my brother cry.”

“What?” says Katarina.

“How rude,” says the man. “Although I could hardly expect better, could I?”

He smiles and Katarina takes a step backwards. “Jeffrey Stuart at your service, my lady.”

The eldest prince.

Jeord and Alan’s older brother.

The man who has just pressed the glass he was holding into her hands.

“A toast,” says Jeffrey, “to your skills and successful rise as a crown jewel of Sorcier.”

Katarina stares at him.

“Drink up,” says Jeffrey and his teeth look bloodied in the half-light from the sky outside.

“No,” says Katarina, her voice clear, even as she feels light-headed and disconnected, “I don’t think that I will.”

Jeffrey reaches towards her and Katarina prepares herself-

“If you do anything to her,” says Alan, his hand warm and solid on her shoulder, “anything at all, I will never speak to you again.”

“I’ll do that one better,” says a familiar voice behind her.

“If you proceed as you are planning,” says Jeord, “I will ensure that Mother and Father find out about your little hobby so that you can practice to your heart’s content on some very distant continent.”

“This drink might be a little strong for you,” says Jeffrey, skillfully removing the glass from her hand before she can even move, “allow me to dispose of it.”

Katarina wonders about the strange shadow behind the curtain that moves and disappears when Jeffrey tosses the glass out the window.

“Thank you,” says Katarina, turning towards Alan, not entirely sure what has just happened, but certain that things would have gone very badly if he hadn’t arrived.

He nods at her. “Partners have to stick together. Seriously, Katarina, we really do need to stick together tonight.”

“I don’t think I’m going to argue with you this time,” says Katarina, still feeling an incredible sense of unease.

Reluctantly, she turns towards Jeord. How can she expect him to behave better if she isn’t willing to acknowledge his improvement?

Regardless, her teeth are gritted as she says, “Thank you to you too. I appreciate that you chose not to behave badly.”

“I can be good, too,” says Jeord with an oddly strained attempt at a charming smile. “At the very least, I can listen.”

Katarina stares at him as if he has grown another head.

“Oh no,” says Alan. “Oh no.”

Jeffrey looks like a dog who has been told that his ball is actually the gateway to a world of larger, meaner balls. He cocks his head, mumbles something under his breath, and then smiles brilliantly.

“I understand now,” says Jeffrey.

He walks over to Katarina, taking her limp hand in his, and presses a kiss to the back of it.

He leans into her ear as he straightens and whispers, “If you make them regret this, no one will ever find your body.”

As Katarina blinks and processes the statement, the world spins like a ball in the air and settles back to normal.

Before anyone could move, Jeffrey had wandered off muttering something that sounded like, ‘Dual kings? Twin consorts?’

“There you are!” said Mary, her voice unusually breathless.

She glared at Alan and Jeord, before turning towards Katarina. “We’ve been looking all over for you. You should get at least some chance to enjoy your party.”

“I’d like that,” said Katarina, trying to determine how to raise her most pressing issue, “but...”

“Oho,” said Mary. “Lady Friend time!”

Before any of them could say anything, Mary had whisked her out of the room and quickly moved her down the hallway.

It turned out that Mary had memorized the route to the washroom as well as Katarina because she was amazing and the best Lady Friend.

After attending to her business, Katarina knew that she had to have the conversation with Mary that she was dreading.

Surely someone as clever and brilliant as herself could find the perfect subtle way to raise the issue?

“Mary,” said Katarina on a wail, “I am the worst Lady Friend in the world but I swear I didn’t know! I didn’t mean to make the Queen think I meant the clever solution for her sons and it was supposed to be Jeord who had to be a prize and I didn’t mean to break the engagement and turn it into a competition and Alan and-”

“Katarina,” said Mary, her voice kind and knowing, holding out her arms for an embrace, “I’m not unhappy about being unengaged. I don’t intend to marry Alan and now I can more obviously take my place as heir without any complications.”

Katarina sank into Mary’s embrace as if she had suddenly had all of her bones removed.

“You goose,” said Mary, gently helping her down to a waiting chair. “Do you really think I would let anything as stupid as Men get between us?”

She tilted Katarina’s chin up towards her with a single elegant finger. “You’ll be the sword and I’ll be your knife to cut all the places you can’t reach. I’ll always be on your side.”

Katarina wasn’t quite sure that she understood but-

Katarina threw her arms around Mary’s neck, hugging her fiercely. “You’re the best Lady Friend in the world. I will try to become worthy of you!”

“Happy birthday,” said Mary, her voice so soft it was almost inaudible, “to me.”

Katarina made it back to the ballroom in an almost dizzying surge of relief. Neither Mary nor Alan were angry with her! She wasn’t sure how her birthday could possibly get any better, barring the cake she was never going to receive.

Keith appeared almost as soon as she set foot on the floor. Whatever look he exchanged with Mary, she silently retreated while he stepped forward.

“So beautiful,” said Keith so softly that Katarina wasn’t sure that she had even heard him correctly.

“May I have this dance?” said Keith, a gentle smile on his face.

“Always,” said Katarina, relaxing into his hold and starting to feel her tension ease from her body.

That of course was why she immediately interrupted the mood with something that had been bothering her all evening.

“Do you,” Katarina said hesitantly, “want to be heir?”

“I certainly have no intention of taking it back from you,” she said hastily, afraid that she might be misinterpreted, “but I couldn’t help watching you with these worms and minions and miserable excuses for people and wondering if that was how you wanted to spend the rest of your life.”

“My dueling partner from the Academy,” said Keith with a curl of his lip.

“Exactly,” said Katarina softly.

“What do you want?” said Keith, his gaze so intense that Katarina felt as if he could see right through her.

“I want you to be happy,” said Katarina, as Keith spun her out and pulled her back in again. “I want you to be able to choose.”

Keith pulled her in much more closely than the dance called for and briefly buried his face in his hair.

When he pulled back, the dance was over and he took a deep breath.

“May I kiss… your hand, my lady?” said Keith.

“Yes,” said Katarina, slightly puzzled as to why he would ask about a standard closing gesture.

Keith gently turned her palm towards him and lightly pressed his mouth to the tips of her fingers.

Katarina’s eyes widened.

He drew his mouth and an invisible line of fire down the length of her fingers until he reached the flesh of her palm. His eyes closed as he pressed his lips firmly against her flesh and Katarina’s eyes closed in turn, the press of his lips connected straight to the fire it sent through her veins.

“I choose you,” said Keith, pulling back as if he couldn’t trust himself to touch her any longer. “Whatever path I take, I choose the one that has you.”

Before Katarina could even begin to process what he had just said, Mary swooped in like an avenging bird of prey and spun Katarina into her arms.

“I did not,” said Mary, with a sharp smile, “learn every lead part to every dance at this event so that I could dance them by myself.”

She blinked then and paused.

“Would you like to dance?” said Mary, rather belatedly.

“Of course!” said Katarina. “Let’s show them what Lady Friends are capable of!”

It wasn’t that unusual to see two women dancing with Sorcier’s chronic shortage of male nobles, the Royal Family not withstanding. Katarina had every confidence though that she and Mary would be able to dance better than most of those insipid pairings.

Mary outdid even Katarina’s sky-high expectations though, taking on the lead role with an enthusiasm that did not serve the pairs around them very well. They soon had a cleared space and plenty of room for Mary’s more complicated maneuvers.

Katarina almost felt bad to raise the issue that concerned her but it was also something that she didn’t want to leave when there were things that she could immediately do to help.

“Do you need support for your heirship?” said Katarina. “There are enough influencers here tonight that I can put the right words in the right ears if you need additional assistance.”

Mary stumbled in the middle of her step before smoothly recovering.

“Honestly,” said Mary, her tone unusually serious, “your presence has done more than enough for my political needs.”

“Nobody,” she continued with an odd smile, “is in any doubt of your support of me.”

“Was I not subtle enough when I said you were amazing and brilliant to Count Basilios,” said Katarina, really anxious that she had maybe hurt Mary’s ambitions.

“It was perfect,” said Mary softly.

She disengaged from the dance hold raising her hand towards Katarina, then withdrawing it just as quickly.

“You’re beautiful like this,” said Mary, almost as if she was speaking more to herself than Katarina, “but you’re always beautiful, you know?”

“May I give you a benediction kiss?” said Mary, not quite meeting Katarina’s eyes.

“If you would like,” said Katarina, not sure why she was feeling such a strange combination of terror and anticipation.

She was equally unsure why she was disappointed when Mary rose to her toes and pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead.

“I heard,” said Mary, a faint pink dusting her cheeks, “that a kiss to the forehead could grant blessings. Not that I believe in blessings.”

“Thank you,” said Katarina, swallowing over the lump in her throat. “I could always use your blessing.”

“Katarina,” said Mary, taking Katarina’s hands in hers-

Somebody tapped Mary’s shoulder and Mary separated from Katarina, turning towards the intruder.

“Oh,” said Mary, with a half-smile, “it looks like my ex-fiancé wants his turn.”

“I need to be comforted after such a devastating break-up,” said Alan dryly. “You can see why we would have never worked as you make so light of my pain.”

“Be careful,” said Mary, her eyes conveying a warning Katarina couldn’t understand, “how far you push things.”

Alan’s face immediately sobered. “I have nothing but respect for my partner and her boundaries. My apologies, Mary, if I ever led you to believe otherwise.”

Mary nodded. “Apology accepted. Now make sure those aren’t just words.”

While Katarina was glad they had resolved their thinly veiled dispute, she couldn’t help feeling she had missed something. To be fair that wasn’t unusual with someone of Mary’s brilliance and Alan’s genius level cunning and twisted logic, but she had a feeling that this was somehow more relevant than most of the things she missed.

She had no time to contemplate it though because Alan was bending over her hand and it was giving her very different feelings than all those stupid nobles who had greeted her previously in the evening.

“Alan Stuart at your service,” said Alan, staring up at her through his eyelashes. “May I have a dance with the most beautiful woman at the ball?”

“Well,” said Katarina dryly, “since she’s probably busy, I am afraid that you’ll have to make do with me.”

“No,” said Alan, a line of steel threading his voice, “I believe that I was correct the first time. May I dance with Katarina Claes, the most beautiful woman at this ball?”

“Yes,” said Katarina, both taken aback and feeling unexpectedly warm as Alan smoothly rose and pulled her into his hold.

The music had slowed considerably and Katarina found herself drawn much closer to Alan than she had been to her previous partners. She could feel the heat from his body with every move and the intent way that he followed her with his eyes did nothing to reduce her own heat.

“I would never,” said Alan, his voice rough, “use you as a path to the throne, you know that right?”

“Of course not,” said Katarina, genuinely baffled as to why he would even need to ask. “You’re Alan. If you want to take over the world, you’ll do it entirely through your own charm, cunning and terrifying coded plans for world domination.”

“I,” said Alan, a helpless smile on his face, “don’t deserve you.”

“We’re partners,” said Katarina, not at all pleased with him degrading himself. “Being partners has nothing to do with what you do or do not deserve.”

Alan closed his eyes and took a deep breath and mumbled something that sounded strangely like ‘other hand… don’t care… what deserve…’

He gave her a light spin and then pulled her into a deep dip.

As he leaned into her, he whispered, “I would like bring my mouth to your head. May I?”

“Guh,” said Katarina.

“Not good enough,” said Alan with a charming smile, but his eyes sharp. “Try again with words.”

“Yes,” said Katarina.

“Oh good,” said Alan, all the charm fading and a deep blush starting on his cheeks. “Um… just a second.”

He spun her so that she was hidden from view of the main floor and gently pressed his lips to the soft spot behind her ear, pulling forward until he brought the very tip of her lobe between his lips. He pulled back then, bright red, breath uneven.

Katarina was sure that she wasn’t in any better shape, feeling like every breath was a monumental effort as she stared at him as if looking away would result in her death.

“I… I…,” said Alan, his tongue brushing briefly over his lips. “I don’t care about the throne. You’re the partner I want, Katarina.”

“I’m glad,” said Katarina, “since you’re my only partner.”

Alan swayed briefly towards her-

“It seems to be my turn,” said a soft, firm voice.

Alan pulled back and Sophia reached out her hand to Katarina.

“I’ve been practicing,” she said with a smile so dazzling that it almost hurt to look at her. “May I take the lead, Katarina?”

“I’m looking forward to it,” said Katarina, grateful that she didn’t have to test her rusty leading skills with her talented people.

Sophia was incredibly skilled and her series of complicated footwork took them out of sight of Alan in seconds.

“You look so beautiful,” said Sophia and Katarina’s brain got pleasantly fuzzy so it took her a second to realize that Sophia wasn’t finished.

“And I can see that you chose perfectly, but why,” said Sophia, hesitating, “didn’t you ask me about… dresses and getting ready for this party?”

Katarina was suddenly, startlingly ashamed. “Do you like choosing dresses and colours? You’re always so beautiful and lovely that I didn’t realize that you’d want to help someone like…”

She trailed off and felt a fierce determination rise within her. “I am objectively good looking but my charm is not sufficient and I know that clothing can help. Please speak with me in the future about this, Princess! I have so many colours that I’d like to see you try in turn!”

Katarina could already picture how Sophia would make them all bow down before her.

“And what,” said Sophia, “if I want to prove that I’m… I’m more than y- people think that I am, even if what they think that I am is amazing?”

“You’re a Princess and a Secret Baby, but most importantly you’re Sophia,” said Katarina. “There’s nothing you can’t do.”

Sophia finished out their dance with the strangest look on her face.

“May I touch?” she said, as their hands broke apart. Katarina had thought that was what they were doing, but she nodded anyways.

Sophia drew closer and quickly, casually brushed her lips against the edge of Katarina’s jaw before drawing even closer to Katarina’s ear.

Katarina suddenly felt dizzy.

“You’re quite right,” said Sophia, her breath raising the fine hairs on Katarina’s neck, “I will remember exactly what I am capable of in the future.”

With that, she pulled away with a brilliant smile and Katarina rather dazedly headed towards the sidelines of the ballroom.

She had made it precisely two steps when Nicol held out his hand and she mindlessly took it.

“Are you well?” he said, his eyes conveying nothing but honest concern and Katarina was embarrassed that all she wanted to do was collapse against him and sob.

Nicol looked closely at her and his face stilled.

“What,” he said, in a completely even tone, “is green and has wheels?”

Katarina stared at him. Was this a secret code? Was her assistant trying to upgrade his status to someone who wanted to take over the world? Was he about to get into competition with Alan?

“What?” said Katarina cautiously.

“Grass,” said Nicol, staring intently at her.

There was a long pause.

“I lied about the wheels,” said Nicol, his face not changing at all.

Katarina started laughing so hard that she had to lean against Nicol for support. She had no doubt that everyone else in the ballroom thought that she was dying, but Nicol had somehow managed to spin them so that she was largely shielded from view by his body. He was…

“How do you do that?” said Katarina, when she could finally breathe without howling. “How are you always so funny and interesting?”

Nicol’s lip twisted slightly and he looked…

“Shall we dance?” said Nicol.

“Please,” said Katarina, unable to help her smile or her joy.

Nicol was a brilliant dancer and Katarina felt as if he knew how her body would move even better than she did. They made far more of a circuit of the floor than any of her previous dances which allowed Katarina to see all sorts of small dramas as they spun past the room.

She even saw the Queen for the second time that evening and counted herself fortunate to be safely dancing.

Wait…

Why were Duke Claes and Millidiana talking to the Queen?

Katarina frowned and squinted.

Why were Duke Claes and Millidiana arguing with the Queen?

Why were Marquess Hunt and Prime Minister Ascart and his wife and… Duke Randall? coming over to join them?

Nicol moved her into a complicated series of spins and Katarina lost sight of the adults.

She realized with some surprise that Nicol had spun them into a darkened corner, mostly out of view of the dance floor. Katarina wondered how such a talented dancer had so badly miscalculated his movements.

Something strange passed over Nicol’s face before his smile gentled. He slowly separated from her before moving his hand towards her.

“May I touch you?” said Nicol. His finger rested just above the hollow of her throat. “Here?”

Katarina’s throat was suddenly completely dry. She nodded, voiceless.

Nicol traced his finger down her throat, so lightly she wasn’t sure if he was touching her at all. Then, delicate as a feather, he pressed his mouth briefly to the hollow of her throat before drawing back.

Katarina’s mind stopped working.

“You’re very beautiful,” said Nicol in as matter of fact a tone as if he was talking about the weather. “I want to watch you shine.”

He smiled and it didn’t seem forced at all. “But you don’t have to shine unless you want to. Rest well, Katarina.”

He gently let go of her and walked back into the sea of nobles and Katarina collapsed into a convenient chair against the wall, her head spinning.

It was too much.

She didn’t understand any of it – Keith, Mary, Alan, Sophia, Nicol…

What… what were they doing?

Katarina didn’t understand.

They said that she was beautiful and she accepted that had to be true in their eyes because they weren’t cruel, not like that. There were jokes and there were jokes.

Certainly she liked touching and supporting her people and it seemed that they felt the same way, but today had felt different. It had felt different and public and like they were saying something more. She knew the queer magic she felt was all hers, but why else would they be touching her differently after asking permission?

Were they just showing the rest of the ballroom that she was aligned with them? Were they publicly labeling themselves as her people? Wasn’t that… wasn’t that how the characters in Sophia’s secret books of codes and secret babies said that people pledged loyalty? By publicly touching one another with permission?

She supposed that her people had kept the strangest parts from other people’s sight, but that was part of those ceremonies too, wasn’t it? A private promise between two people in a public place?

Were they trying to tell her that they would be loyal too?

Loyalty could change, but…

Katarina couldn’t help the smile spreading across her face.

This was the best birthday ever.

“There you are,” said Jeord. “May I have this dance?”

“No,” said Katarina. “I am only getting up from this chair for secret babies or cake. Are you a cake?”

She was in far too good of a mood to let Jeord ruin it and, if he did manage to turn into cake, then that would solve most of her problems anyways.

Instead of going away, Katarina was not surprised when Jeord dropped into the chair beside her, his long legs stretching out as he leaned back.

He continued stretching so that the sleeves of his shirt rode up, once again revealing the thickly bound golden chain around his wrist. He did not pull the sleeves back down.

Katarina frowned and attempted to subtly look closer at the chain. It looked oddly familiar, like some kind of neck-

“You look beautiful,” said Jeord, his smile so charming that the air seemed to shiver beside him.

Katarina stiffened.

She was sure her smile looked more like a cornered wildcat than a socially pleasant expression. “You are also aesthetically pleasing,” she said in as bland a tone as possible.

It was too bad, she thought silently, that he was so obviously unpleasing in every other sense. Especially because he was also obviously about to say something unfortunate. She had warned him.

Jeord looked over at her, fidgeting slightly as he ran his fingers over the chain at his wrist. “I’ve sent gifts, I’ve listened to what you told me, and I’ve shown you that I can improve on what you asked me to do.”

“So,” said Jeord, looking up at her from under his eyelashes, fiddling even more frantically with that golden chain, “have I been good enough?”

Katarina went from guarded to furious in seconds. How dare he pretend to be vulnerable? How dare he treat her like some dazzled fool who would pant for his non-affection if he gave her the right gifts, if he carefully remembered her words and returned them to her?

How dare he treat her…

…like every Jeord had ever treated every member of her Council?

The anger disappeared as fast as it came, leaving only a bone-deep exhaustion in its wake.

“I’m not a wishing well,” said Katarina tiredly.

“What?” said Jeord.

“You can’t just throw coins at me and expect fulfillment,” said Katarina, already sick of him, of herself, of thirty-seven lifetimes (or more) wasted on this utter uselessness.

Jeord froze. His voice was very strange as he spoke, his knuckles white as he gripped the chains on his wrist. “So you have no intention of resuming our engagement, no matter what I do?”

“No,” said Katarina, too exhausted to be anything but honest.

“So how did you convince my Mother to go along with Alan’s little scheme for this?” said Jeord, the charming smile gone, his voice as cold as his eyes. “How long have you been planning to swap princes? Am I not talented enough to stay engaged to?”

Katarina knew he couldn’t keep the mask up.

She tried to ignore the fact that there was as much pain as satisfaction in the knowledge that it was all an act.

“I have no intention of becoming engaged to anyone,” said Katarina, using every ounce of her strength to not rise to his bait. “Especially not you.”

“So what,” said Jeord with a sneer, rage burning just under the surface, “do you think will happen to the strange Claes daughter who had her engagement broken and didn’t accept the Queen’s gracious offer? You’re going to be for sale to the highest bidder, because you’re just another commodity to buy and sell just like m-”

He suddenly stopped and swallowed, his hand frozen as it tightly clenched the golden chain on his wrist.

Katarina looked at him and she thought about what she had already learned that evening and the years and years of Jeords rapidly spinning through her head.

“Take this as a learning opportunity about… politics,” Katarina said, her smile wide and her eyes cold. “You’re correct. There is a good chance that I will be sold to maintain some kind of political peace or provide a benefit to my family.”

She leaned into Jeord so that they were nearly nose to nose.

“But I know my worth now and I am very, very expensive,” said Katarina, softly, sweetly. “I will never sell myself for something as cheap as the words of a little boy who can’t disguise that he barely thinks of me as human.”

“Get your throne some other way,” said Katarina, rising from the chair, her fury barely contained under her skin. “I won’t be your stepping stone.”

“I don’t know why I was worried,” said a familiar voice.

Katarina spun around and realized that Keith was standing in front of them, a rather vicious smirk on his face.

“Let’s go, Katarina,” said Keith. “There’s obviously nothing worthwhile here.”

Katarina took his arm as gracefully as the Queen she’d never be and started to move forwards.

Yet…

Katarina quickly looked back over her shoulder as Keith led her away.

For a brief moment, Katarina -almost- felt sorry for Jeord.

The expression of pain on his face was so clear and so stark and so unlike the controlled person she had always been shown, that she almost wanted to tell him about the pain treatments she had learned.

After all, based on the way he was holding it, his gold-chained wrist must have really hurt.

“Can we go home now?” Katarina hissed to Keith as yet another noble appeared in front of them to congratulate her on her non-existent engagement (her tally for which prince she was engaged to was much more even than she had expected) and to be politely condescending to the Claes heir.

Keith made a sour face. “Apparently, her majesty has requested that you speak to her before we leave. I’ll see if I can get us to her more quickly.”

Whatever face Keith was making appeared to be effective because miraculously it only took another few minutes to deposit Katarina in front of the Queen, who had taken up court in a small room off the main ballroom with a few of her handmaidens.

“Approach, child,” said her majesty.

Cautiously, wondering what new horror was going to be inflicted on her, Katarina moved towards the Queen, Keith lurking in the doorway like a lost dog.

Katarina curtsied and, when the Queen gestured for her to rise, she opened her mouth to speak but was immediately pre-empted.

“It appears,” said the Queen, “that the Claes dukedom has some strong objections to an engagement of any kind without their explicit permission and support.”

She muttered something about ‘stupid drunk noble factions… civil war… idiot sons’, but it wasn’t clear enough for Katarina to make out completely.

She sighed. “Considering the amount of trouble my idiot sons have caused for you and the Dukedom, I suppose we will have to wait a few years to finalize this.”

Katarina stared at her, blinking.

“Don’t mistake me,” said the Queen, her smile all teeth, “you are engaged to a Prince of Sorcier in the public understanding. I look forward to seeing what you do with that knowledge.”

There may have been words said afterwards but Katarina barely remembered taking leave of the Queen, much less the actual conversation.

How, thought Katarina, as she numbly climbed into the carriage to return home, how did this somehow still all go wrong?

“Happy birthday,” said Keith, his gaze unreadable as Katarina leaned towards him.

“Happy birthday to me,” muttered Katarina as she curled into Keith and tried to close her eyes against a world that seemed determined to kill her.

Katarina was still resentful for most of the rest of the week, mostly to hide her growing panic. She had slightly over half a year before the Academy and she was somehow still not-really engaged to Jeord and apparently also Alan. She didn’t even contemplate the two older brothers.

“It is an improvement, dear heart,” said Katarina 20 soothingly.

“The more people you are engaged to, the more likely it is that they’ll get in one another’s way when they come at you with swords,” said Katarina 12 (death by magical firing squad) in an oddly cheerful tone of voice.

Katarina half-contemplated the very tempting image of three Stuart brothers tripping one another in their haste to kill her, while her brilliant partner Alan helped her escape.

She brightened.

It was a very inspiring image.

“Are you feeling better?” said Keith. Katarina felt bad even though he had spent most of the week oscillating between concerned and grumpy and Katarina was exhausted.

“I’m tired,” said Katarina, quite truthfully. “I think I will turn in for the night.”

Keith frowned and Katarina waited for another burst of that rather sullen attitude he’d had all week, but Keith just said, “I wish I could join you, but…”

“I’ll be back late,” he continued with a sigh. “Duke Claes has more estate work he wants me to see to.”

“I’ll be waiting with open arms,” said Katarina.

Keith made a very strange noise and Katarina hoped that the cooks hadn’t snuck some of Gardener Tom’s cabbage gifts into the meal. The man had even pickled the stuff so that it would last longer!

Resolving to investigate the situation in the morning, Katarina cheerfully headed off to bed.

Katarina’s dreaming.

She has to be dreaming.

The room is softly lit and everyone is wearing bejeweled half-masks like a bizarre masquerade and their shapes are… not quite right.

Keith spins her, his wolf eyes glinting behind his wolf mask and he kisses her hand as he passes her to-

Mary, beautiful and deadly, her hair falling wildly behind her hawk mask, holds Katarina close with careful talons, presses a kiss to her forehead before passing her to-

Alan, delicately fanged and smirking, his silver fox mask glinting as he dips Katarina and bites the tip of her ear, spinning her into-

Sophia, her tail swishing as her snow leopard mask brushes Katarina’s cheek and she draws her hands down Katarina’s back as she bites the edge of Katarina’s jaw before releasing her into the hands of-

Nicol, his wings bending to enfold the two of them, his raven mask barely visible in the enclosure as he turns them like a single body, as he presses his mouth to the hollow of her throat and she is pulled out of his arms by-

Jeord, who does not touch her, whose hound ears are flicking as he stands in front of her… protectively? Why is he being protective? As his wolfhound mask snarls Katarina can hear it-

There’s something in the air, something coming-

This is the way-

Jeord howls and vanishes.

This is the way the girl-

There is a woman, her dress as light as air.

-bakingrighteousnessblood sugar and spice and death-

She’s coming.

There’s something wrong with the woman. There’s light coming from her and her face isn’t right. It’s all wrong.

As she draws closer Katarina starts to choke, starts gasping for air.

Why can’t she see her face?

The woman is right in front of her, her mouth is beside Katarina’s ear, her breath as soft as snow.

This is the way the girl dies.

And Katarina stops breathing.

Katarina!

There’s a man pinned to the floor and Keith is about to kill him.

“Keith!” says Katarina and Keith coolly knocks the man’s head hard enough that he stops moving.

He seems to still be breathing.

He looks strangely familiar.

Keith looks up and, for a brief second Katarina sees masks and wolves, then the image vanishes.

“He was trying to kill you,” says Keith, his voice not nearly as even as Katarina thinks he would like it to be.

“I came back early and he had a cloth over your face and his hands around your neck,” says Keith and then he makes a noise that is more animal than human.

Katarina is wrapped around him between one breath and the next.

“I-” says Katarina.

-love-

nonononononoNONO

“You have to stop nearly dying,” says Keith. “You have to.”

Katarina holds him even more tightly.

Their hearts beat in the same rhythm and eventually so does the world.

Anne appeared as Katarina broke out of Keith’s arms, probably because Anne was magic in a way that had nothing to do with elements.

Katarina had been trying to determine why the man looked so familiar when all of the pieces suddenly came together.

“He’s Prince Jeord’s mole in the household. The footman!” said Katarina, gasping.

“Not anymore,” said Keith. “He was fired, both from our household and the palace, ages ago. As much as I want to blame Prince Jeord, he would never have asked for this.”

As much as Katarina might have previously disagreed, she couldn’t argue with the fact that Jeord really did seem to want to keep her alive, at least while she was his potential path to the throne.

“With as many crimes as he’s committed, at least this worm’ll get what he deserves in court,” said Keith with a grim satisfaction.

“He’ll never go to trial,” said Katarina softly. “I recognize him now – he’s the third son of a Marquis. He was probably working as a footman as punishment.”

He was also a secret baby, which was why Katarina had memorized his family history, but it was the direct relationship which was of more concern now.

“He attacked a Duke’s daughter,” said Keith. “He’ll be executed.”

“Do you think,” said Katarina, “that Duke Claes is going to want to risk that kind of political circus? There was a strange man in my bedroom. What do you think is going to be said at a trial? Remember what he said about you?”

There was complete silence.

“Let me get some help,” said Anne.

She was back in minutes with Mr. Knife.

Katarina had often wondered where Mr. Knife slept in between lessons. Apparently it was somewhere that Anne could access.

Mr. Knife took one look at the room and, for the first time since she had met him, Katarina was afraid of the expression on his face.

“I’ll take care of it,” said Mr. Knife.

“Won’t that-” said Anne.

“I’ll take care of it,” said Mr. Knife.

He hefted the man up over his shoulders and nodded to Anne and then Katarina, his gaze lingering on her neck. “I’ll send some bruise cream over your way, kiddo. Make sure not to scream too much for the next few days.”

He and Anne vanished as if they had never been in the room and Katarina followed Keith as he led her back to the bed.

“Do you need a doctor?” said Keith, gently touching her neck.

Katarina shook her head, replying as honestly as possible. “You obviously stopped him before he could seriously hurt me. I’m a little sore, but I think that Mr. Knife will be able to help with that and I really don’t want to answer questions.”

Keith took a deep shuddering breath. “I thought they were all gone. How did he get back in? How-”

“Let’s go to sleep,” said Katarina, leaning her head against his. “There’s nothing we can do about it now. We can talk in the morning.”

Katarina probably should have expected what happened next.

While Keith snored softly, Katarina stared fixedly into the dark, her head so muddled she couldn’t even hear the Council.

Keith was tucked so tightly around her that Katarina wasn’t quite sure where she ended and he began. She couldn’t make him even more upset than he already was. She had to go to sleep.

Katarina closed her eyes.

This is the way the girl dies.

Katarina did not close her eyes again.

Chapter Text

Chapter Seven: The Second Complication (How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?)

Some decisions could change the course of a person’s life.

For Katarina, those kinds of decisions were made half a dozen times before breakfast so she had no idea why the Council was being so unusually cautious about this decision.

“Are you sure,” said Katarina 20 (death by stabbing from a man who doesn’t know when to let it go) hesitantly, “that you want to take this… drastic of an action?”

Katarina smiled a not-at-all-manic smile.

“Someone nearly strangled me to death last night and I haven’t slept since,” said Katarina cheerfully. “Things need to change.”

Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain) looked strangely worried. “It’s the not-sleeping part that might mean you need a little more time to make this kind of dec-”

“Keith,” said Katarina, decisively tuning out the Council, “I said that we should talk in the morning. So let’s talk.”

Katarina wasn’t sure why Keith looked so worried when she was smiling so cheerfully (she had even pulled out Expression 147 Smile of Completely Fine No Need to Worry for him). It didn’t matter though, because neither of them was going to need to be worried as soon as she shared her Brilliant Idea with him.

“Keith,” said Katarina, leaning towards him in excitement, “how much do you want me to not die?”

Once Keith heard what she had to say, he stared at her for a full minute.

Then the biggest smile she had ever seen spread across his face as he embraced her and spun her around his arms.

“I’ll get you jewelry,” he said. “Maybe sapphires? No, a combination!”

He put her down and embraced her again, pressing a heated kiss to her hair.

“You won’t regret this,” he said fervently. “I promise.”

Katarina blinked as he rushed out of the room.

That… was not the reaction she had been expecting.

However, she had no intention of letting the Council know that after all their irritating concern and passive aggression.

“See,” said Katarina smugly, “I told you that Keith would agree with me.”

Most of the Council had faces so sour they could have curdled milk, but Katarina heard a strange noise from the corner. When she looked over, Katarina 35 (death by Jeord’s inability to do anything useful) was almost bent in half making a strange rusty rumbling noise that might have been… laughter?

“Sweetheart,” she said, gasping as she wiped at her eyes, “I have no idea why any of us were worried. You will politically outmaneuver all of us.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina.

Katarina 16 looked like she had a serious headache, if the way she was rubbing her temples was any indication.

“How,” she said through gritted teeth, “precisely did you think Keith was going to respond when you asked him how much he wanted your death? And then offered him his dearest wish on a silver platter?”

Katarina cocked her head.

She had no idea what a temporary fake engagement to Keith had to do with his deepest wish, but she assumed that Katarina 16 wasn’t entirely incorrect since Keith had seemed to be unusually happy once she had outlined her plan.

“Do you really think,” said Katarina 20 quietly, “that the Queen is going to let you publicly declare your engagement to a man who is not a Stuart, even if it is a ploy? Even if the Claes have declared their opposition to her chosen engagement?”

“She will,” said Katarina, “if she wants me to live long enough to actually marry one of her sons.”

The Council fell quiet.

Katarina sighed. “It’s quite obvious that I’m being targeted because of the engagement connection to the royal family. Take away that connection, even briefly, and I will get a dramatic reduction in assassination attempts.”

She looked around at the Council.

“You can’t tell me,” she said slowly and deliberately, “that the engagement wasn’t the source of most of my deaths. You’ve been encouraging me to break it for years. So why are you all backing down now? We have the support of the Claes and even the Queen has acknowledged that there is nothing official in place.”

“You don’t want to offend the Queen,” said Katarina 33 (death by roses) in a strange monotone. “Don’t offend the Queen. Don’t offend the Queen. Don’t offend the Que-”

Katarina 22 (death by the Queen’s hat pin) put her hand over Katarina 33’s mouth and smiled a bit too widely. “Perhaps a little too much repetition, but Katarina 33 is right. Can you simply promise to ask Millidiana about this before you make any public declarations?”

Katarina looked at the strangely intense expressions of the Council.

“Please,” said Katarina 20.

“Fine,” said Katarina grumpily. “But Keith and I have this under control.”

“Keith and you do not have this under control,” said Millidiana after a long moment of silence.

Katarina wasn’t sure when Millidiana’s face had turned the colour of milk or she had collapsed in the chair, but it was somewhere between the discussion of the second murder attempt and the reveal of Katarina’s brilliant fake engagement plan.

“I’ll protect Katarina,” said Keith wrapped so tightly around Katarina that he was like a second layer of skin.

“I do not doubt that. It is not,” said Millidiana, her expression mostly unreadable, “that I object to the engagement itself. I do not even object to the fact that neither of you felt you could trust me with the knowledge of the issues with our household-”

Here, she muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘thought…took care of…Duke’s faction’.

“-or,” and here her voice cracked, “the attempted murders of my daughter.”

She took a deep breath, “Your loyalty to one another is commendable. We will be able to remove you from this situation once you leave the Academy. All I ask is that you do not make any engagement announcements of any kind for a few years. We will know the truth, but it is better that it not be public knowledge until the Stuart interest is neutralized.”

Katarina began to have the suspicion that Millidiana may not have understood her Brilliant Plan.

She looked over her shoulder at Keith and saw the look of intrigue on his face and began to wonder if she might not have been quite as clear as she thought she had been.

“But the whole point of a fake engagement,” said Katarina in bewilderment, “is to make people think that I’m not engaged to one of the princes. Why do I want people to think that I’m engaged to one of the princes?”

She pulled herself free of Keith and began to pace frantically. “People thinking I’m engaged to a Stuart prince is why they keep attempting to kill me! Why don’t I want to stop that?”

Millidiana sighed and, for maybe the first time Katarina could remember, she spoke to Katarina not as a recalcitrant child but as an equal. “You are not incorrect. The problem is that the Queen is just as dangerous as any of the assassins.”

“The Queen is not crawling into my bedroom to strangle me at night!” snarled Katarina.

Katarina rather belatedly remembered that the reason the Council had suggested going to Millidiana rather than the Duke was that she had seemed less likely to be angry about the strange-man-in-bedroom aspect of the murder attempt. Based on the way Millidiana was shaking, perhaps Katarina should have kept to her more diplomatic language about the incident.

Millidiana lowered her head, her voice strangely rough. “I have fa…”

She took a deep breath. “I do not know if I can repair what is already done, but I can tell you that if I have to personally sleep outside your bedroom at night until you reach adulthood, there will be no more assassins entering in that particular fashion.”

“Can you really?” said a voice that wasn’t Katarina.

Katarina turned and watched Keith stare at Millidiana with blazing eyes.

“Can you really guarantee that no one else will come in through the window? Or hide in the wardrobe? We still don’t know how the fired footman returned. There has to be at least one more accomplice in the household and we have no idea who it is. We got rid of everyone who was a known risk and now we have more unknown risks. Is that really less dangerous than risking the Queen’s displeasure?”

Millidiana lifted her head and appeared to have aged twenty years.

“Yes,” said Millidiana.

Keith snarled and then visibly pulled himself back under control.

“I can’t be here,” said Keith. “I can’t listen to this.”

He nodded to Katarina. “Once she comes up with some kind of plan that doesn’t involve risking your life even further, let me know. I’m going to go practice.”

He closed the door very carefully behind him and Katarina could only hope that Mr. Knife would help him release some of that extra frustration.

“It’s just as well,” said Millidiana, staring blankly at the door. “We have some things that we need to discuss privately, mainly the nature of your engagement.”

“I’m engaged?” said Katarina, frowning.

“No,” said Millidiana.

“I’m not engaged?” said Katarina, feeling more than a little dizzy. Who knew that engagements were such difficult things?

“Mostly,” said Millidiana.

She shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. “A contract was produced before we officially publicly declared our lack of cooperation. That contract is not active without Luigi’s signature, but his signature is no longer necessary once you are of signatory age. Ultimately, it’s a dormant engagement, but since it has the King and Queen’s signatures, we can’t just dispose of it. That way leads to complications that will prevent our longer-term goals and potentially incite civil conflict.”

“What happens when I’m of signatory age?” said Katarina.

“Only your signature is necessary to complete the contract,” said Millidiana. “Do not worry – we’ll make sure their interest is elsewhere long before then. You will not be pressured into anything you do not wish to sign.”

She sighed. “Which leads me to the next problem. Her majesty wishes to meet with you privately. She sent the invitation directly to the Duke to indicate that it is an official summons. We had planned to delay, but perhaps it is best that you meet soon and get it finished.”

Katarina was even more confused. “Why does the Queen wish to meet with me?”

Millidiana looked as if she had swallowed something unpleasant. “I believe that she wrote that it was a courtesy visit.”

“Well,” said Katarina, brightening considerably, “that seems simple then.”

She wondered why the Council made a unified groaning noise.

“Don’t,” said Millidiana, her gaze fierce and strangely… afraid?, “promise That Woman anything.”

“I don’t understand,” said Katarina, blinking. “I’m only making a courtesy visit to the Queen. While she is still holding onto a public understanding of my engagement, since it doesn’t really exist based on what you’ve said, I’m sure my terrible behaviour and personality will convince her to let the rumours die out.”

“Nothing,” said Millidiana, as if Katarina hadn’t even spoken, “agree to nothing. We’ll solve any political problems afterwards, but promise her nothing.”

“What am I going to promise her?” said Katarina in frustration. “We’ve already established that I can’t convince her to let me have a fake engagement to protect me. From what you’ve said she’s already won. I’m going to enter the Academy with the entire aristocracy thinking I’m engaged to one of her sons. What else can she take from me?”

“Blame me if you wish,” said Millidiana, her lips drained of colour, “but never assume that you do not have more to lose.”

Katarina didn’t stay around to listen to more useless arguments.

What had she been thinking?

Had she really believed that the Duke and Duchess confronting the Queen at the engagement ball meant anything?

She closed her eyes as she suddenly staggered from a new realization.

Had they even actually confronted the Queen or had this just been another piece of powerbroking that used Katarina as a bargaining chip to get what they actually wanted?

When had Milllidiana or Duke Claes ever helped her when she needed help?

She knew who she could depend on and neither of them were in that category.

She wrote a reply to the Queen with a certain amount of grim satisfaction and went to look for Keith and Mr. Knife who were indeed fighting one another.

“Can I make a request?” said Katarina, at what looked like a good moment to interrupt.

Both of them sheathed their swords and turned towards her and Katarina felt more in control than she had felt for months.

“Obviously the Duke and Duchess are useless at household management,” said Katarina, “but I think we can do better and the Duchess did have one good idea.”

She looked directly at Mr. Knife. “How much would it cost to purchase the services of several reliable businessmen to patrol the interior hallway and exterior of my room at night?”

“Kid,” said Mr. Knife, “I think we can come to a very reasonable understanding.”

“After all,” he said with a grim smile, “I need my beauty sleep.”

As Keith walked with her back to the manor, Katarina thought that he looked oddly subdued and almost sad.

“Are you hurt?” said Katarina, placing a concerned hand on his arm.

“We’re not engaged anymore, are we?” said Keith.

Katarina growled. “Apparently it’s too dangerous for a fake engagement, but I still think it would have worked.”

“Yes,” said Keith quietly. “It would have.”

Katarina obviously wasn’t as good at writing letters as she thought she was. However, it worked out much better than she could have expected when it was the Queen who didn’t like her letter.

It appeared that the earliest the Queen could arrange the courtesy visit that she had asked Katarina to attend was months in the future.

In fact, the earliest she could arrange a meeting was one month before Katarina started the Academy.

“See,” said Katarina smugly, “she’s already reconsidering her decision! I’m so unimportant to her that she is putting me off for as long as possible! I’ll be able to convince her to completely let me go in no time.”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Katarina 22 tightly covered Katarina 33’s mouth with her hand.

Mr. Knife was as prompt in acknowledging Katarina as the Queen and he had much more pleasant results.

Katarina wasn’t sure how he had managed to find a time to corral her when she was entirely by herself, but she appreciated his thoughtfulness in letting her have the first, uninterrupted meeting with her new businessmen.

“This,” said Mr. Knife pointing to the small weaselly looking man behind him, “is Inside.”

He gestured to the taller, balding man wearing incredibly bright clothing and strange darkened glasses over his eyes. “This is Outside.”

Looking over at them with a lazy smile, Mr. Knife said, “These two businessmen have been persuaded to do some patrols of your hallway and the outside of the manor. They’ll be there all night and do a little… rat hunting for you.”

“Now, you just sleep tight, kid. If you have to scream, call for ‘Billyclub’ and ‘Throatslit’ because that’s the kind of accidents they are going to have if you’re in danger enough to have to call for them,” Mr. Knife continued.

Both of the men nodded.

“Please to meet you, chickie,” said the brightly-coloured one. Mr. Knife hit him on the back of his head hard enough that he staggered forward.

“Sorry, little lady,” said the bright Mr. Outside hastily. “Won’t happen again.”

The weaselly one wrinkled his nose. “Your mother taught you better than that, you imbecile.”

He sketched a perfect bow to Katarina. “We are honoured to perform some vermin extermination for your ladyship.”

“Thank you for your assistance. You have such interesting names,” said Katarina, her eyes bright. “Are they historical family names, Mr. Inside, Mr. Outside?”

They were names that set off all Katarina’s secret baby instincts. Surely her subtle questioning could answer her suspicions!

The two men exchanged glances. “Dear old mumsie wanted me out, I reckon,” said Mr. Outside, his teeth as shiny as his clothes. “Also, I’ll be the one outside keeping the business free of rats.”

He winced as if a blunt force had hit the ankle he was suddenly clutching.

“Her ladyship is quite perceptive,” said Mr. Inside smoothly. “My family name is Job, but I would prefer to go by ‘Inside’ for work purposes.”

Not entirely satisfied but well pleased with the potential solution to her problems, Katarina beamed at Mr. Knife. “Now I just need to let my people now who they are so that there aren’t any misunderstandings. You’re so talented at solving problems, Mr. Knife!”

“That’s me,” said Mr. Knife, a queer expression on his face, “problem solver.”

As Katarina prepared to introduce her people to her new employees, she paused for a moment, a strange itch in the back of her mind.

“It’s strange,” said Katarina frowning, “but they both seem familiar somehow.”

“I agree,” said Katarina 20, slowly.

The rest of the Council stared at both of them, expressions oddly blank.

Hearing no reply and a little unsettled by the complete stillness, Katarina shrugged. “I’m sure it will come to me.”

Katarina’s people were much less excited by her solution than she had expected.

She had initially wondered why Mr. Knife hadn’t stayed around to see the meeting, but after contact between the two groups it became much, much more obvious.

Mary had taken one look at the two men and stormed off muttering something about finding Mr. Knife and Anne had made a low-pitched growl that made the hair on the back of Katarina’s neck stand on end. Sophia had turned quite pale and then started frantically flipping through the large ledger she seemed to carry with her constantly.

Keith and Katarina exchanged rather bewildered glances while Alan and Nicol circled the two men like a small pack of predators, their eyes glinting.

“So what exactly is your training?” said Alan finally. “Are you independent consultants Mr. Knife pulled out of a back alley somewhere?”

“We are both honourable members of the Better Business Borrowed,” said Mr. Inside, looking truly offended.

“So you’re diplomats?” said Alan, cocking his head. “That’s a Le Sable organization.”

The two men exchanged glances. “That’s us alright,” drawled Mr. Outside, “dip-lo-matical.”

“How strange,” said Nicol softly. “I spend a lot of time with Father’s political partners from other countries and I don’t believe that I’ve had the pleasure to meet you.”

There was a tense silence.

Then, Mr. Outside burst into an ear-piercing explosion of raucous laughter.

“Lady,” he said hoarsely, wiping at his eyes, “why the hell do you need us?”

Katarina looked directly at him, no trace of amusement on her face. “Because my partners and lady friends can’t spend all night trying to keep murderers from crawling into my bedroom. Can you?”

There was a small shift on Mr. Inside’s face and then, simultaneously, he and Mr. Outside performed a deep bow.

“Consider it done, your ladyship,” they said in unison.

In spite of the still concerned glances from her people and her minor fear that Mr. Knife might not survive the night, for the first time in a long time Katarina felt something akin to hope.

Getting a mostly restful sleep did great things for Katarina’s ability to think.

Mainly, it made her remember that she really needed to provide her end of the many bargains she was running with her people.

It hadn’t occurred to Katarina because of the nature of her own problems that Nicol had already started at the Academy and that he must have been using a considerable amount of his non-Academy time to come be her assistant.

As soon as that horrifying realization overcame her, she immediately arranged for a private meeting.

“Nicol,” said Katarina as soon as they had settled into his private drawing room at Ascart Manor. “I have been a terrible detective.”

She took a deep breath. “I don’t have a clue what you are doing.”

Nicol stared at her and then burst into a deep, rich laugh that made Katarina’s entire body throb as she stared at him in shock. Maybe he was trying to murder her.

Before she could process that thought, Nicol’s smile widened and his shoulders relaxed. “I’d be glad to tell you whatever you want to know, ma’am.”

“What are you doing at the Academy?” said Katarina, relieved that he was taking it well. “The year is nearly over and I have no idea what you do outside your classes.

“Well,” said Nicol with a thoughtful frown. “I am one of the members of the Student Council.”

Katarina vaguely understood that the Student Council was the torture inflicted on talented students who were stupid enough to get too high grades, so she placed a sympathetic hand over top of Nicol’s.

“My condolences,” said Katarina. “I hope you’re making the less interesting members of the Council do all the boring work.”

“There are only two members of the Student Council currently,” said Nicol.

“Did something happen?” said Katarina, slightly surprised.

“It’s my fault,” said Nicol with a shrug. “Apparently, the other members didn’t appreciate my sense of humour.”

“What?” said Katarina in genuine outrage. “That’s impossible. Who are these fools?”

“No longer members of the Student Council,” said Nicol with a beatific smile.

Since he looked oddly happy about the situation, Katarina decided to leave it for the moment, but she made a mental note to find the previous members of the Student Council when she went to the Academy and berate them for their terrible taste.

“But,” said Nicol hesitantly, “I’ve… actually been able to do something much more important.”

He looked so unsure that Katarina was determined that whatever he told her, she would be the most supportive detective in the universe and tell her assistant what he was doing was a good idea.

“What are you doing?” she said with Expression 79 Look of Gentle Encouragement.

“Because there were only two of us left on Council and it happened so quickly,” said Nicol, his eyes averted, “there were a number of jobs normally performed by a Council member that fell entirely on the two of us. Lord Sirius Dieke, our Council President, is a genius and amazing at organization so it only made sense that he took over most of the organizational paper work.”

Nicol involuntarily hunched his shoulders. “I was put in charge of public outreach.”

Katarina was going to murder Lord Sirius Dieke.

“So I decided,” said Nicol, “to do it by letters and it appeared that there were a lot of people who wanted advice and I’m… really good at relationship advice. I was able to make the letters anonymous and set up a regular pamphlet with how to be respectful to people you like and-”

“I,” said Nicol in a tone of wonder, “love writing Nicol’s Nuances.”

Katarina was going to embrace Lord Sirius Dieke.

“That is more important,” said Katarina in a tone of wonder and excitement. “Did you bring them for me? I want to see all of them!”

Rather shamefacedly, Nicol handed over a small stack of paper and Katarina devoured them, providing running commentary as she read.

“How on earth would someone be expected to know how to get something from out of there?”

…

“I guess you do.”

“Of course you don’t call people you like fools – you save that for people whose tongues you plan to remove!”

“Only Worms and Monsters touch people without asking first and making sure they are okay with it. I hope you tracked down this person afterwards and had them destroyed.”

…

“Well, after that column, at least nobody else will even think of ‘accidentally’ dropping into their interest’s bathroom.”

She stopped then, and looked directly at Nicol.

“These are amazing, Nicol,” she said, eyes wide and fierce in her appreciation. “The way you threatened to remove that Worm’s fingers bone by bone is poetry.”

She found herself lightly flushing, “And the jokes are so funny – that question someone asked about whether or not they should get a haircut and the answer being of course-”

“No, you should get them all cut,” said Katarina and Nicol in chorus and then burst into laughter together.

Somehow Katarina found herself leaning on Nicol, their arms around one another as they laughed uncontrollably and she began to feel as if maybe, maybe she hadn’t completely failed in her part of the bargain.

“May I touch?” said Nicol as the laughter died down, his expression unreadable.

“Of course,” said Katarina, amused as he immediately tightened his embrace while running his fingers through her hair. She had no idea why it had started to fascinate him so, but it was becoming almost impossible to maintain a structured hairstyle when she met with him.

“You,” said Katarina, gently running her fingers through Nicol’s impossibly soft hair in turn, “haven’t told me about the types and varieties of horse shoes in your stable in awhile. I love seeing you at your most interesting.”

“Forgive me,” said Nicol softly, his breath mixing with hers as he drew impossibly closer. “Let me correct my mistake.”

Katarina felt her eyelids fluttering and her arms tightening as-

“Katarina!’ said Sophia. “I didn’t know that you would be here today.”

Katarina startled backwards, eyes wide, staring at a deeply panting and equally startled-looking Nicol.

“We- we were investigating!” said Katarina, not sure why she was so jittery and defensive.

“Your tonsils?” said Sophia in a bland tone of voice and Nicol turned a deep shade of red before fleeing the room.

Obviously, thought Katarina, he had important and interesting things that he needed to do immediately.

Sophia stared after him, her eyes dark, but she turned a brilliant smile on Katarina after a few seconds.

“I’m so glad that you’re here,” said Sophia, grasping Katarina’s hand. “I have something I’ve been wanting to show you.”

Within minutes, they were outside and headed towards what Katarina had thought was an abandoned carriage house. Based on the way Sophia flung open the door, it obviously was full of something much more interesting than Katarina had suspected.

Maybe secret babies?

“I’ve been working on this since the party,” said Sophia, something both fragile and proud mixing in her voice.

Katarina stared.

Not secret babies.

The giant masses of metal and odd pieces all arranged in a variety of configurations were still there.

“It’s only been a few weeks,” said Katarina both surprised and rather awestruck.

Sophia turned a deep pink. “Well, I was initially inspired by our work on locating secret babies and there were some things I’d read in my books and… Anyways, I’ve been thinking about this and creating things for a long time, but… I just needed some motivation to finally complete things.”

Katarina slowly turned around inside the repurposed carriage shed, her eyes inevitably drawn to the large cylinder of water underneath a giant metal arm, fully laden with rocks, and attached to a series of devices by some kind of complicated chain of wires.

Before she could even ask Sophia’s head was on her shoulder, her voice and breath setting the fine hairs on her neck on end.

“When you drop a rock in the water it goes ‘kerplunk’,” said Sophia. “If I combine that with my wind abilities stimulating the air to create energy from the falling rock, I can create a source of energy I like to call airstreamplunk or streamplunk for short.”

Katarina felt dizzy.

Whether that was from the softness of Sophia’s skin against her own or her sheer incomprehension at what Sophia was trying to tell her, she was unsure.

“Let me show you,” said Sophia, her voice both rough and excited.

She darted back from Katarina and motioned towards a small table on which sat a tea kettle connected to one of the wires from the cylinder.

“Gust!” said Sophia waving her hand towards the metal arm which proceeded to drop a rock in the water and bursts of sparks and wind started racing along the wires attached to the water cylinder towards the teakettle, which, to Katarina’s amazement, began to whistle.

Sophia casually picked it up and smiled towards Katarina. “Can I interest you in a cup of tea?”

As Katarina lay in bed that night, Keith’s head cradled on her chest, she stared up at the ceiling, wide awake.

It wasn’t that any of the Council had really paid that much attention to Sophia but…

“Why,” she said, “are things changing so much?”

Because surely, surely the Council would have noticed if the world was running on streamplunk and Katarina had no doubt that her amazing Princess Secret Baby Lady Friend would have the world running on streamplunk as soon as she left the Academy.

There was a long silence within her head.

“I don’t know,” said Katarina 20 softly.

Katarina stared at the ceiling until it seemed to wobble with lines of wind, blowing away her known futures.

The time before Katarina was supposed to attend the Academy passed much more quickly than she would have liked.

There was a surprising amount of paperwork involved in getting the Academy to approve of Katarina’s necessary protective measures.

It was relatively easy to bring Mr. Knife in as a private tutor, but some of the other measures took a good deal more persuasion and Katarina’s liberal use of her family name to get approval.

It felt as if Katarina had barely arranged for Mr. Inside and Mr. Outside to continue their guard-work with the Academy’s explicit permission when the time of her meeting with the Queen was upon her.

She had a feeling that she was forgetting something as she prepared for the meeting, but it didn’t occur to her what she was forgetting until Keith burst into her room as she put the finishing touches on her outfit.

“You’re meeting with the Queen?” said Keith, staring at her.

Katarina frowned.

Had she not mentioned the meeting to Keith?

“Yes,” she said, “and I need to hurry or I’ll be late,” said Katarina. “I wish Anne was coming because somehow I always arrive on time when I’m with Anne.”

“You’re meeting with the Queen by yourself?” said Keith.

“Yes,” said Katarina impatiently. “Keith, have you seen my stockings?”

“Under the chair,” said Keith, his voice intense. “Katarina, when are you supposed to return?”

“A couple of hours,” said Katarina and then she fled out the door in the hopes that she would not inspire the Queen to kill her with her lack of promptness.

She flung herself into the carriage and shouted, “Drive!” at the coachman, who didn’t even blink as he set the horses into a gallop.

She wasn’t late.

Barely.

She was missing her stockings.

Katarina was trying very hard not to think about her missing stockings and so barely realized that she had both greeted the Queen and been shepherded into a truly private meeting with the Queen in the palace rose garden.

The Queen was staring at Katarina when Katarina mentally surfaced. There was something odd in her expression, but it passed soon enough and the Queen smiled.

“Katarina,” said the Queen, “and I do hope that I can call you so familiarly, I am grateful that you have provided the opportunity for use to speak privately.”

“Of course,” said Katarina, demurely averting her eyes and gracefully curtseying. “It is my honour, your majesty.”

“Oh no,” said the Queen, “it is mine that such a talented and charismatic politician would share her company after the displays of my foolish sons.”

Katarina stared at her and felt a faint trickle of fear.

The only thing worse than being underestimated by royalty was being overestimated.

“Oh no, your majesty,” said Katarina hastily. “I am unsure who told you such terrible falsehoods, but frankly my charisma is more useful for repelling nuisances than for succeeding in politics.”

She paused for a second. It wouldn’t do to be anything but completely honest. “Unless you are trying to attract murderers? I am very good at attracting murderers.”

The Queen stared at her with a queer penetrating gaze.

“I do think,” she said after a long moment of silence, “that you truly mean what you say.”

She smiled.

“You really do underestimate yourself,” said the Queen musingly.

“It is dangerous to underestimate yourself,” continued the Queen, her voice soft and gentle. “It is easy to be misled by people who play at honesty and vulnerability into underselling yourself if you do not know your own worth.”

The Queen bent over and gracefully plucked a stray daisy that had made its way amongst the carefully cultivated roses.

“I see that you prefer frank discussion,” said the Queen, “so let me be frank.”

Katarina was puzzled as to what aspect of her subtle and careful conversation had given that impression, but she supposed that she had been trying to be rude the last time they were speaking at any length.

“My husband is king because of massive instability due to lack of planning,” said the Queen staring out over the gardens while she held the daisy in her hand.

“We cannot afford that kind of instability in this generation, not if we wish to maintain Sorcier as a country,” she said, turning the blossom over and over in her hand.

Katarina involuntarily shuddered. Everyone knew that the previous King had produced no children with his actual Queen and more children than the fingers on two hands with everyone else. In addition to his bed-hopping, he had died without declaring an heir. Everyone knew that the current King had participated in the mass slaughter of his half-siblings to become the ruler, even if he had only entered the battle near the end. The fact that he was not the son of the legitimate Queen and was instead one of the former King’s many, many secret babies just made everything much worse.

Everyone knew, but not even the Queen was willing to actually say it aloud and Katarina had enough of a sense of Not Getting Murdered to keep her thoughts to herself.

“The nobles of Sorcier were… deeply unhappy with my rise to power and the next Queen must be from within their ranks,” said the Queen turning her gaze to Katarina. “She must be from a family that is powerful enough to offset the other families’ jealousies, while still being considered to be one of their faction.”

Without looking down, the Queen grasped the stem of the daisy more tightly, her thumb removing the flower head from the daisy and allowing it fall to the ground.

Katarina had a sinking feeling that she knew where this conversation was going.

“There are,” said the Queen, merciless in her words and tone, “precisely four such families with eligible daughters. Each of those families has one candidate that they have presented for consideration.”

“To know how one will govern,” said the Queen, “it must be known what one is governed by and it has been made very clear to me what governs each of the potential future Queens.”

“Susanna Randall is a creature of the Ministry of Magic, Selena Berg is a creature of her own insecurity, and Mary Hunt is a creature of… yours,” said the Queen.

“You,” said the Queen, beautiful and terrible, “are a creature of survival.”

“Let me be even more frank,” she said, her smile as terrifying as it was sweet. “My sons are idiots. I need to ensure that Sorcier continues to hold its stability against the encroachment of its less magical counterparts. I am quite willing to spend considerable capital to ensure that the next Queen is capable of maneuvering not only the King, but Sorcier itself in the interests of its own survival.”

Katarina stared at her, too stunned to even defend Alan from that vicious piece of slander.

“I can understand,” the Queen said more softly, “if you do not wish to consider Jeord as a potential candidate. What he did to you by drawing live steel…”

She suddenly looked much closer to what Katarina imagined was her actual age. “He has been thoroughly punished for his behaviour. I am sorry that you will be unable to receive public justice for his actions, but I can assure you he knows the consequences of ever repeating his actions.”

“Squeaky boots,” said Katarina, suddenly realizing what must have happened to Jeord. There had been no squeaky boots at the party. There had been no guards at the party. Guards were reserved for the presumptive heir.

The Queen raised an eyebrow and Katarina somehow managed a shaky smile even as she realized exactly what Jeord’s little attempt at humiliation had cost him.

However, Katarina also realized with cold disdain that, despite Jeord’s behaviour, despite his punishment, the Royal Family had never contacted her in the aftermath. They certainly had never intended to alter the engagement until she had approached them herself. If she had left things stand…

She was currently useful to the Queen.

Katarina knew very well how quickly someone could become no longer useful.

“You mention expending capital,” said Katarina, coldly certain that she would be forced to foot the bill for own unwelcome position. “Precisely how much is the cost of destabilizing the entire political structure of Sorcier? What is the concern for removing all ties to the royal family of the next most powerful families in the realm?”

“There’s no concern,” said the Queen, “because everyone understands that the other engagements will be decided once you have chosen. The Randalls have been appropriately compensated for the loss of a potential crown prince, and the other families have been compensated for the delay. I have made it quite clear to the whisper network that all the families will be well rewarded for their forbearance.”

“Despite the rumblings,” said the Queen with a smile as sweet as poison, “few of the nobles have the appetite for an actual war with the Stuarts. They can see as clearly as I can that we must be decisive and clear about the transition of power. And what clearer way than to fix the heir with a politically careful marriage?”

“It also,” said the Queen, suddenly sounding less like the merciless ruler and more like a very tired human being, “has the benefit of keeping my sons alive.”

Katarina again remembered the story of what had happened to the current King’s many, many illegitimate half-siblings. Whether or not the story was true, the only member of his family that still appeared in public was the King.

Katarina thought of the four Stuart brothers being murdered by a zealous member of their rival faction and felt a sudden keen empathy for the Queen.

“I understand that the Claes are less happy with this proposed arrangement than the rest of Sorcier,” the Queen said, her voice still tired and her gaze distant. “I will not force you or your family to make a rushed decision on something this vital to the future of our homeland. You will have time, as much as you need.”

“All I ask,” said the Queen, her voice soft and sad, “and I do not believe it to be much, is that you consider that Jeord, as foolish as he has been, has paid heavily for his stupidity. I do not want any of my sons to die for childish errors. You need never trust him, but he is capable of learning and I can only hope that he will one day have a teacher as effective as you already have been for him.”

“You obviously don’t need any more people to manage,” the Queen said, “and certainly you would never take further people into your inner circle.”

She turned away from Katarina, the wind blowing her hair away from her noble face, the slightest hint of moisture at the corners of her eyes. “Just… can you let me know how he fares at the Academy? He is so alone and isolated now, deservedly but… I truly wish to maintain our correspondence, even if you cannot yet be declared my daughter, and I wish to know that my sons are safe.”

Katarina turned off the screaming Council in the back of her head and looked directly at the Queen. She thought of dying over and over again, alone and terrified. She wondered what it would have been like to have a parent who begged for others to make sure their child was safe.

“I,” she said over the lump in her throat, “will write to you. I will… let you know whether both your sons are well and… safe.”

“I could,” said the Queen, relief blossoming like a daisy, like a rose, “wish for nothing more.”

Katarina had nothing left for polite conversation and the Queen seemed to sense her feelings because she graciously dismissed her within minutes.

There was just one odd thing that Katarina half-noticed in her daze.

There was a strange look in the Queen’s eyes as Katarina left.

Katarina frowned.

She obviously had mistaken the Queen’s expression – it had probably been a trick of the light.

Because why on earth would the Queen look triumphant?

Katarina didn’t have time to think over the strangeness of the Queen because when she returned to the manor, Mary was standing in the driveway, clasping and unclasping her hands in a truly unusual display of nervousness.

“Katarina,” she said as soon as Katarina stepped down from the carriage, “we need to talk.”

Katarina wasn’t sure how Mary knew about the strange outbuilding on the manor grounds but she was impressed by how clean and put together the space inside was for how deserted it looked on the outside.

“You’ve just met with the Queen, haven’t you?” said Mary as Katarina settled into the chair on the table across from her.

“Yes?” said Katarina.

Mary took a deep shuddering sigh and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she almost looked sad. “It’s my own fault, but I wish you had told us that you were planning a meeting.”

Half to herself, she said, “As long as you didn’t promise her anything it will be fine anyways. It will be.”

She squared her shoulders. “I have something I need to tell you. It’s about your engagement.”

Katarina was suddenly as alert as she had been in the Queen’s garden.

“I had suspected a few things based on the wording of your engagement announcement,” said Mary. “There are some specific wording choices used for engagement and yours implied…”

“Anyways,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I was curious to see if I was correct.”

“Mr. Knife retrieved your new engagement contract for me,” said Mary. “Duke Claes was going to burn it, but Duchess Claes convinced him to just lock it away- Anyways, I wrote out a copy and swapped it with the original.”

“And you didn’t share this with me?” said Katarina feeling both baffled and more than a little hurt.

“I don’t have a good excuse for it,” said Mary. “After Keith found out by accident…”

She closed her eyes again and then slowly opened them.

“I should,” said Mary, “have told you this earlier, but there are some very interesting points in the contract. The gist is that marriage to you decides the successor to the throne, which makes you the legally designated future Queen of Sorcier.”

She laid a piece of paper in front of Katarina and pointed to a series of paragraphs near the top. “This part is particularly important.”

Katarina read it and blinked.

“I don’t understand what it means,” she admitted finally.

“It means that you can technically be married to anyone who is designated as a ‘Prince of Sorcier,’” said Mary. “Her majesty must have been a in a tremendous hurry to avoid losing you to create something this sloppy and, since she wrote it and legitimized it before the Claes unequivocally revoked their permission for any kind of union, she can’t afford to change it now.”

She took a deep breath and spoke really quickly, “There’s also a potential plurality loophole, but I don’t think that’s as important.”

Katarina blinked again.

“I don’t know what you mean about plurality,” she said slowly, “but I don’t intend to marry any Sorcier prince, unless Alan needs me as part of one of his fiendish plans.”

“You don’t intend to marry any current Sorcier prince,” said Mary. “Princes can be created. Specifically, if you are the designated and contracted future Queen of Sorcier, what is the lowest title the person who marries you must be given?”

“Oh,” said Katarina. “Oh.”

“Make sure nothing happens to this contract,” said Mary, handing it over to Katarina with as much care as if it was a particularly fine knife. “As long as you have it, you will have complete freedom to marry as you wish, with the added benefit of complete political immunity nearly anywhere on the continent.”

“Before the Stuarts murder me,” said Katarina with a shiver, remembering that vicious, triumphant smile that she wasn’t sure if she had just imagined.

“You will have a brief glorious marriage before the Stuarts murder you,” agreed Mary, “as long as you stay in Sorcier.”

“Oh,” said Katarina.

“Oh indeed,” said Mary, her smile as sharp as the triumph in her eyes.

Katarina still wasn’t sure what to do with Mary’s information by the time she was less than a week away from the start of the Academy. Unfortunately, it became one of many things that had to be carefully filed away to think about once she had dealt with her most immediate concern.

Katarina 20 sympathetically patted her shoulder as Katarina tried very hard to think about how to survive the next two years.

“Don’t worry, dearest, we have an experienced support group to help prepare you for your entrance into the most dangerous place in Sorcier: the Academy of Magic.”

Before Katarina could even process the full implications of that statement, Katarina 20 clapped her hands. “Academy-based Katarina murders – step forward for rollcall!”

Katarina 1 (death by “mysterious darkness appears, everyone dies”) slouched forward.

“Do I have to be here?” she said with a yawn.

“You were murdered in a particularly mysterious way,” said Katarina 20.

“So was everyone else in the room with me,” said Katarina 1. “What kind of advice can I give? Avoid giant clouds of mysterious darkness that murder you and everyone around you?”

“Well that’s a start,” said Katarina 20 cheerfully. “Next!”

Katarina 3 (death by execution) stepped forward. “Don’t be framed for the murder of some dark-magic-involved Marchioness.”

She stepped backwards again.

Katarina 20 blinked. “This was supposed to be a rollcall.”

“Look,” said Katarina 6 (death by cafeteria food), “most of us lower numbers know that we’re basically useless for advice. We school-aged victims are even worse because we died so young. We want to help but frankly it’s frustrating. It doesn’t make it better that we’re basically being whistled up for the rest of you to gawk at because we were too stupid to survive the Academy.”

Katarina 20’s face crumbled and Katarina 16 stepped forward, her eyes glinting.

“Look you little madams,” said Katarina 16, “we are all dead here. None of us survived. So get off your persecution complex and try to find a way to be useful rather than taking it out-”

-and here she gestured towards Katarina 20-

“-on the one person trying to organize an actual response.”

There was a dead silence.

“Hi,” said Katarina 31 (death by dismemberment) in a disturbingly perky tone of voice. “Prior to my seventeenth birthday, I was brutally slashed into pieces by a group of mysterious townspeople who were likely hired by one of the many, many people who were angry that I was engaged to Jeord! Including potentially Jeord himself! Or I could have just driven an entire town of people to brutal graphic murder! It’s a mystery! I’m super excited to get to talk to all of you!”

There was another moment of silence.

“Point taken,” said Katarina 16.

“I,” said Katarina 24 (death by betrayal at the Academy) blinking as she stepped forward, “a-am feeling a little better now?”

“We should go for tea!” said Katarina 31.

“Don’t trust any non-Annes with your bedsheet-centered escape plans,” said Katarina 8 (death by structurally unsound bedsheets) as she stepped forward.

“Don’t cause drama,” said Katarina 9 (death by theatre club) shivering slightly as she linked her arm with Katarina 8. “There’s only one group allowed to cause drama and you aren’t part of it.”

“You’re nearly free of outside tutors,” said Katarina 17 (death by tutor’s magic), “don’t bring them back now that you’re of murdering age.”

“Self-explanatory,” said Katarina 19 (death by tree), before crossing her arms and staring into space.

Katarina didn’t think it was self-explanatory, but the look on Katarina 19’s face made her very reluctant to say anything.

Katarina 20 looked down at the sheet of paper that had suddenly appeared in her hand. “Well as much like a rollcall as that wasn’t, we do seem to be missing someone in this age group.”

The Council all looked at one another and then all looked at a single member who seemed to be attempting to hide behind the others.

Katarina 13 (death by bad luck) reluctantly stepped forward.

“Oh no you don’t, missy,” said Katarina 19. “Show her the right tag, right now. It’s not like you’re the only one who’s embarrassed here.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Katarina 13 (death by none of your damn business).

“Look kid,” said Katarina 16, “I get constant, unending questions from you people about how I was murdered by a chocolate fountain, so learn to accept your reality. Who can you trust more than thirty-six dead Katarinas and one live one?”

“Fine,” said Katarina 13 (death by squirrel) through gritted teeth. “It’s not like it was wrong. Squirrels are evil! Squirrels are terrifying!”

“Obviously not that terrifying or you wouldn’t only be 13,” said Katarina 19 dryly.

“Do you want me to say that you bastards are more traumatizing than murderous squirrels?” said Katarina 13. “Because I am very ready to have that conversation.”

“No secret babies here,” said Katarina 19 smugly. “So uncreative.”

“That’s enough,” said Katarina 20, pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead as if she was holding back a wall of water.

Katarina sympathized with her, but, as the Council kept squabbling, she realized with increasing terror that she really had no plan for avoiding the inevitable avalanche of murders she was going to inspire once she reached the Academy.

In the end, there was really only one person who was smart enough to help Katarina find a solution.

“Anne,” said Katarina, terrified and exhausted, “I don’t want the people at the Academy to hate me the way the people here always have. What can I do?”

Anne’s expression briefly scared Katarina before it settled into something almost sad.

“Why don’t,” said Anne, “I make a small suggestion?”

Katarina was more than a little nervous that her first action at the Academy was to travel to the Academy kitchens on an errand for Anne. It wasn’t even as if Anne was coming with her – Anne had insisted that she had too much work to do and that Katarina should go to the kitchens by herself. Anne had somehow even maneuvered the situation so that Katarina had arrived at the Academy well before most of the other students, including Keith. In some ways, Katarina was grateful because the sheer strangeness of Anne’s actions had prevented what Katarina suspected was going to be a massive panic attack once the memories of the other Katarinas aligned with what she was seeing at the Academy.

Intellectually, Katarina understood Anne’s suggestion that she befriend the staff at the Academy by speaking with them before they had a chance to be prejudiced against her.

Emotionally, Katarina was fairly sure that the people in the kitchen were going to take one look at her and turn her into a stew.

She cautiously opened the kitchen door, trying to plan how she could convince a bunch of new and probably murderous staff to help her with both Anne’s errand and the half-formed idea Katarina had for a gift for Anne. She couldn’t even imagine what she could do to make them like her.

She’d barely stepped into the kitchen when all of the loud voices and sounds she’d heard from outside the door completely stopped and a dozen heads swiveled towards her.

Katarina swallowed and straightened her shoulders.

Showing fear only made things more likely to bi-

“It’s Anne’s little sister!” said one of the very familiar-looking kitchen staff with a beaming grin.

“Anne’s sister!” said the man carrying produce into the kitchen. “Look at how you’ve grown, love.”

“Look at how smart she is, just like her sister,” said a third staff member. “She even got herself into the Academy!”

The other staff members stared at Katarina with wide eyes, but Katarina felt such painful, overwhelming gratitude that she could barely breathe.

Maybe… maybe if family was Anne, family wasn’t always a bad thing.

“Thank you for your kindness,” said Katarina with a graceful curtsy to all the people she had known for years and the ones who were about to know her not as Katarina, but as Anne’s sister.

Then much less gracefully, much more fervently, “Anne is the best.”

“Of course she is, duck,” said the large woman heaving three flour sacks like they were loaves of bread. “You ever finish all them cabbages?”

Katarina had absolutely no control over the face she made and it was as if she had broken some kind of dam.

In minutes, Katarina found herself sitting on a large stool, an apple in her hand, while several of the wide-eyed apprentices peppered her with questions about Anne, cabbages, and what it was like to stay in a place like Claes Manor.

“I heard it’s a horror show,” said the pimply one breathlessly.

“Oh it is,” said Katarina fervently. “Secret babies everywhere.”

“That’s enough of that,” said the cook, having tossed her flour sacks in the corner. “You lot stop bothering the poor poppet. Bad enough that she has to live there, but she don’t need to be reminded of her putain of a father, pardon my Sableian, duck.”

Katarina found her eyes stinging and suddenly there were strong, floury arms around her. “There, there, love,” said the cook. “You’re free of that place now and you got your sister out of there too.”

“You’re a blinkin’ hero,” said the deliveryman from the corner.

The cook took a surprisingly searching look at Katarina’s face and said with a cheery voice, “Why don’t you lend a hand here, duck? Best thing to do for the blues is beat ‘em with a spoon.”

Katarina found herself carrying things to and fro for the surprisingly busy kitchen, which just cemented the resolve that had been building ever since she entered the kitchen.

She tried to get Anne presents for her birthday and sometimes when she just saw things that looked like they should be Anne’s, but this felt as if she needed to get Anne something better.

“Is there somewhere,” she said hesitantly when it looked like things had slowed down, “that I could… make something for Anne?”

The cook patted her on the head. “Go out the door and there’s the experimental pantry and kitchen in the shed outside. Lots of ingredients and recipes there. You’ve worked more than hard enough to use them as you want. Just clean up after.”

She then proceeded to provide Katarina with a basketful of delicious looking things and then the deliveryman gave her a basket of even more delicious looking ingredients and both Katarina’s arms and heart were full.

Katarina beamed and rushed out the door to the small building, flipping through the various recipe books in awe before settling on some things that she knew Anne would love.

She had gotten herself well underway when she heard what sounded like footsteps around the side of the building.

“You never told them that you’re actually a noble,” said a girl’s voice from somewhere around the other side of the wall of the pantry, near the small window facing the kitchen garden.

“Why would I?” said Katarina, frowning. “Being Anne’s sister is much more important.”

People were much nicer to Anne’s sister than they were to Katarina Claes. Mainly because Anne was the most important person in the world.

“So you’re using your illegitimate bastard sister as a way to trick the common people into putting up with you?” said the Voice.

Katarina saw red. “How dare you speak about Anne like that? Anne is the best person in the world! I will pull out your tongue if you ever speak about her like that again!”

After all, Katarina was using the fact that Anne was amazing to trick the common people into putting up with her. Anne being a secret baby had nothing to do with it!

There was a long silence from behind the wall.

“You…” said the girl in a tone of wondering disbelief then stopped. Her voice hardened when she continued. “What do you think your father would think of you standing up for his shameful mistake?”

“Who cares what the Duke thinks?” snarled Katarina. “Anne has looked after me and been by my side for everything and I’ve been by hers. She’s mine.”

Katarina stopped dead as her eyes widened in recognition. Anne had looked after Katarina for years, without loyalty events, without-

“So you’re willing to publicly acknowledge your sister?” said the girl, a queer tone in her voice. “Your illegitimate commoner sister?”

“You mean Anne?” said Katarina in bafflement. “Who wouldn’t acknowledge Anne?”

The strange girl seemed to be obsessed with Anne and Katarina had a sudden burst of realization.

“If you want to court Anne,” said Katarina grimly, “you have to get my approval first. She is smart and funny and kind and amazing and you have to be at least as good as her to deserve to woo her.”

There was a long moment of silence from the other side of the wall.

“What are you doing?” said the Voice, suddenly much softer and sweeter.

Katarina didn’t think it was a particularly good attempt at changing the topic, but she wouldn’t be distracted! She’d find out and evaluate the person interested in Anne, even if she played along with their clumsy questions for the moment.

“I,” said Katarina proudly, “am making a thing for Anne.”

“Does this… thing,” said the girl, “have a name?”

“Well,” said Katarina looking at the oozing mass in front of her, “it was originally supposed to be her favourite tart, but I think I might have combined the recipe with the recipe for eggnog. Luckily both of them are delicious! Do egg shells disappear when you cook them in the oven?”

There was another long moment of silence from behind the wall.

“Maybe you might want to try one recipe at a time,” said the Voice, then, so quietly that Katrina could barely hear her, “or no recipes at all.”

Ignoring the quiet part, Katarina thought that it wasn’t a bad idea for her first attempt.

“You’re probably right,” said Katarina. “I just hate to waste all the gifts the nice people gave me to help me have a chance to try making something for Anne. The cook and the deliveryman gave me some really nice ingredients to try this.”

“Do you actually know the names of all the people you’re getting favours from? All those non-noble common people doing the actual work?” said the girl’s voice disdainfully.

“Of course I do!” said Katarina, deeply offended. She’d learned all the names of people who could potentially try to murder her, even if they were being nice right now. Did this girl think she had a bad memory? “There’s Daisy the cook and Petunia the apprentice and Liverwort the deliveryman and-”

“I believe you,” said the girl and Katarina was irritated at the hint of laughter in her voice.

“It doesn’t sound like it,” said Katarina grumpily. “Luckily the cook likes me more than you do."

“Do you think that the people who aren’t in power deserve to be used and abused by those who are?” asked the Voice.

“Of course not!” said Katarina. After all, people who were used and abused were more likely to murder. They were still murderous without the use and abuse, but Katarina didn’t need any factors that increased murderousness.

“You’re more interesting than I expected,” said the girl, her voice suddenly sounding much less sweet and much more mature. “I look forward to seeing what you do, Katarina Claes.”

Katarina had almost forgotten about the girl by the time she finished, mainly because it was obvious that her Thing probably qualified as a murder weapon on its own, based on the smell coming from it and the oven.

Katarina rather sadly disposed of it and cleaned the room before quickly checking the kitchen. Strangely, nobody appeared to be there so Katarina started making her way back to the dormitory, one thought nagging in her mind.

“I think you’re wrong,” said Katarina finally, staring at the Council intently.

“Not about everything,” she added hastily, “but about Anne. I don’t think she needs me to do a test or trick her or have something amazing happen to make her loyal to me. That’s not… that’s not what sisters do, or at least not sisters like Anne.”

The Council exploded in a furious rumble of voices and shouting and motion and Katarina stared at all of them until they stopped.

“I’m going to prove it to you,” said Katarina. “Because I can’t… I can’t live like this, not knowing whether or not everything between us is real. One way or another, I have to know.”

“And what,” said Katarina 11 (death by Jeord’s guard captain), “do you plan to do if she kills you once you let your guard down, since she has absolutely no reason to be loyal to you currently?”

“If she kills me now,” said Katarina quietly, “it would be better than spending the rest of my life wondering when she was going to knife me in my sleep.”

The Council had nothing to say to that.

They were still completely silent when Katarina entered the room and summoned all the courage she could find as she stared desperately at Anne.

“I tried to make you something,” said Katarina quickly, “but I think it would have killed you if I fed it to you, so I got rid of it, but…”

She swallowed, her voice trembling as she continued. “Can I give you a hug instead?”

Anne closed her eyes and when she opened them again, Katarina didn’t recognize her expression, but Katarina knew.

“Yes,” said Anne.

And when Katarina’s tears spilled out on Anne’s shoulder, Anne didn’t say anything because Katarina was pretty sure that Anne’s eyes were just as wet as hers.

Katarina washed her face, changed her clothes, and was feeling remarkably refreshed and happy when she saw Keith in her room.

Two minutes later, she was decidedly less happy.

“So I missed the entrance ceremony?” said Katarina slowly. “The reason the entire cooking staff disappeared when I was trying to make a Thing for Anne was because they were helping bring cake over for the incoming students?”

Keith nodded sympathetically.

“Excuse me,” said Katarina, in a completely level voice, “I’m going to go sit and talk to myself for a little while now.”

If Katarina had expected sympathy from the Council while she sulked in her mind about her lack of cake, she had obviously not thought through what would happen when she blurted out to the Council, “I wasn’t able to get cake! Again!”

Instead of consoling her (as they should have), the entire Council was engaged in an all-out war as to which type of cake was better.

“I’m partial to a good demon’s food,” said Katarina 35, her languid drawl somehow penetrating through the screaming.

“Brandy,” said Katarina 11. “I don’t know why this is even an argument.”

“Cake is better with carrots,” said Katarina 36 (death by fire).

“Only fools want vegetables in their cake,” said Katarina 37 (death by freezing).

The entire Council froze in place and stared at the two highest numbers.

“Now,” said Katarina 16, in what sounded like disbelief, “now is the time that you two decide to finally speak?”

“Be quiet,” said Katarina 35 and it was the angriest Katarina had ever heard her.

“You have no right,” said Katarina 32 (death by pain) her voice soft but firm, “to decide how and when someone is able to move beyond their trauma.”

There was a very uncomfortable pause.

“Cake really is better with carrots,” said Katarina 36.

“That’s probably why Father murdered you,” said Katarina 37.

“And the reason you died is because Mother agreed with me,” said Katarina 36.

The two of them turned towards one another and Katarina was amazed to see subtle but very real smiles on their faces as they leaned towards one another and embraced.

“I still don’t get any cake,” said Katarina, uncomfortable in a way she didn’t really want to analyze.

“Katarina,” said Keith, “I’m sorry to interrupt your thoughts about cake, but we have visitors.”

In fact, all of Katarina’s people had arrived in varying states of happiness and unhappiness.

Both Keith and Alan had attended the opening ceremony and had cake.

They were happy.

Both Nicol and Sophia had attended the opening ceremony and managed to use their use humour and streamplunk in a way that kept them free of the fools that would normally attempt to speak to them.

They were smug.

Mary had…

Well…

Mary looked unusually disheveled in a way that made Katarina feel an uncomfortable surge of warmth that she promptly ignored.

“Trees,” hissed Mary. “Some fool tried to steal my tree!”

She made a noise somewhat like a boiling teakettle and seemed to not want to add anything else.

“Maybe,” said Alan hesitantly, “we could use a little more explanation?”

“Of course you could,” said Mary with an unflattering snort. “I was surveilling the courtyard when some idiot tried to take my branch from me. We got into a bit of a… disagreement and she was forced to concede, but not before I ended up looking like-”

She gestured broadly to her appearance. “-this.”

Katarina was embarrassed to realize that her first reaction was to wish she could send a gift to Mary’s tree competitor.

“Oh,” Mary added casually as a seeming afterthought, “Prince Jeord showed up under the tree at some point, but once he saw me, he very smartly left as soon as possible.”

“I can’t believe someone tried to take your tree,” said Katarina.

She admired the person’s sheer courage, especially if they managed to survive Mary’s future displeasure.

She yawned then, the full force of the day starting to settle on her.

Alan and Sophia exchanged glances.

“I don’t think most of us have fully unpacked yet,” said Sophia, “and I at least need to properly sort my destructive invention references, my secret baby references, and my romances.”

Mary and Nicol nodded, starting to move towards the door. Alan followed them, but stopped and stared for a second at Keith, who was sitting on Katarina’s bed.

“Come on,” said Alan laughingly, “we still don’t know where your room is, Keith. You have to move your baggage out of Katarina’s room eventually!”

“Why would he?” said Katarina, puzzled.

There was a long silence.

“Keith,” said Sophia, turning towards him, “what does she mean?”

“Yes,” said Alan, his voice strange, “what does she mean, Keith?”

Katarina stared at them.

Why were they asking Keith?

Why weren’t they looking at her?

“Who do you think,” said Anne, “helps protect Katarina from assassins at night?”

Why was Anne saying things?

Anne hardly ever stepped in to say things when Katarina was talking with her people.

“The guards who were hired to protect her?” said Mary with an unreadable expression on her face.

Katarina didn’t understand. What was going on?

“I have terrible nightmares,” said Keith quietly. “I can’t sleep if I’m not with Katarina.”

Katarina stared at him. That wasn’t…

Katarina looked at Keith.

Katarina looked at the rest of the room.

“Excuse me,” she said, and taking Keith’s hand, she pulled him into the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” said Katarina.

“Keeping them,” said Keith, gesturing towards the door, “from getting you into trouble.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina, something ugly and painful starting to build in her gut.

“I don’t understand either,” said Keith and he looked genuinely frustrated and confused. “I just know that people get upset when they know we share the same room. The Duke wasn’t the only one. The servants used to say things and I had to…”

He trailed off and Katarina tried to express her anger and fear in a way that didn’t seem like she was blaming him. “That doesn’t mean that you have to make yourself look bad and get everyone angry at you and lie so that you take the blame for something that is my decision.”

“I promised to protect you,” said Keith. “This is part of how I protect you.”

“No,” said Katarina, her voice as cold as her words. “We protect one another. You aren’t allowed to hurt yourself by standing in front of me when we could stand together.”

She snarled as an even more irritating thought occurred to her.

“Are you,” she said placing a finger under Keith’s chin and tilting it towards her, “or are you not mine?”

“Yours,” said Keith, his voice almost too quiet to be heard. “Yours.”

Katarina smiled and flung the bathroom door open.

In hindsight, Katarina would have been disappointed if her people weren’t all leaning against the bathroom door when she tried to open it.

“It’s me,” said Katarina, placing her body in front of Keith as she glared at the rest of her people. “I’m the one with the nightmares that can’t sleep without Keith.”

“But,” she said, years of frustration and grievance boiling over, “that’s not why we sleep together. Keith is my pet. I have to look after him and take care of him and we sleep together because he’s mine.”

She clenched her fists, chest heaving as she stared defiantly at all of them, not willing to pretend about something that was so important to her life. She had no idea that they hadn’t realized the truth earlier, but she wasn’t going to lie in a way that meant hurting Keith.

Sophia and Alan looked like they were about to speak simultaneously, but Nicol raised his hand and everyone else seemed to freeze in place.

“Are we yours?” said Nicol, his head cocked slightly.

“You’re my people,” said Katarina, now even more deeply confused. Did they really not know that?

…

Had she been mistaken?

Before the panic that she had barely suppressed could begin to spiral upwards, she was suddenly completely engulfed by an odd combination of arms and bodies.

Mary pulled back first, her expression unreadable.

“I look forward,” said Mary, a queer spark in her eyes, “to our future sleepovers.”

Katarina had the strange sense that somehow she hadn’t quite been understood, but she was almost dizzy with relief to realize that the bonds of mutual exchange did exist, that they were her people.

“How soon can I have one?” said Alan, obviously planning something incredibly cunning based on the savage interest in his expression.

“About the same time that you want to announce your official engagement to Katarina to your mother,” said Nicol dryly.

Katarina was puzzled as to why Alan looked more enthusiastic at that response rather than less, but his was a mind that she could only hope to understand with hard work and study.

Keith looked both relieved and… resigned?

He rolled his eyes, tightening the arm he had placed around Katarina’s waist. “You have to ask her first.”

“But now,” said Mary with a strange smile on her face, “we can ask.”

All future sleepovers were temporarily put off by mutual agreement after Mr. Inside nearly strangled Alan approaching rather late at night and everyone begrudgingly agreed that it was better to keep the number of variables around Katarina low while she was still such a focus for murder.

The reminder that the Academy was a site for so much murder reminded Katarina that she really had been treating the Council badly and she rather shame-facedly apologized to them and agreed to listen without disagreeing to their next few rounds of advice.

This had somewhat mixed results.

Katarina was sure that the magical fire prevention person would forgive her eventually.

After all, how long could it take to pick an earth bump out of sensitive places?

And the kitchen staff had said that he was harassing the junior members.

On second thought, that one was an unqualified success.

On the other hand, Katarina wasn’t quite sure if her heightened paranoia was helping or hurting her. It didn’t help her decide when her people had decided to be equally on edge, particularly Keith.

When she was walking to class, both of them were constantly scanning for potential traps and, as Katarina kept reminding Keith, cabbages.

Nobody ever expected cabbages.

So when something white appeared out of the corner of her vision, Katarina instantly turned towards it, tensed for the sight of-

-a white square of cloth on the ground.

Katarina wondered why there was a white square of cloth on the ground. Was it some kind of trap?

Subtly, she gestured towards it with her head and Keith instantly frowned, obviously having reached the same conclusion that she had.

They gave it a considerable distance as they walked around it.

Katarina was relieved that they had managed to thwart a possible attempt on her life when she heard footsteps running up behind them.

Katarina and Keith spun as a single unit, settling into a defensive stance to fend off-

-a short, flush-faced boy.

A short, flush-faced boy holding a familiar piece of white cloth.

“I-is this yours, Lady Katarina?” said the boy.

Were they that determined to make her touch the material that would no doubt signal the appearance of more competent assassins?

“No,” said Keith, obviously thinking exactly the same thing as Katarina. His eyes were obviously too beautiful for the person who approached them because the boy made a strange whining noise and started running again in the opposite direction.

“You are such a good boy,” said Katarina fervently even as Keith smiled and pressed his head to hers.

She wondered briefly about the flash of blonde hair disappearing around the corner of the building but decided that it was much less important than making sure that Keith was well rewarded.

Keith really did enjoy the series of head pats on her lap, although Katarina wondered if she was starting to hallucinate blonde hair, since the classroom had obviously been deserted and it made no sense that someone would want to stare into an empty classroom.

Ignoring the paranoia, Katarina made another amazing discovery while taking her classes.

Katarina needed to know things in order to not die.

It was amazing what it did for her scholarly ability when she compared her enthusiasm for study to the lack of enthusiasm in her past lives.

The instructors were no Mr. Knife, but at least they didn’t seem to hate her quite as personally as her previous tutors since they had more students to loathe in a single classroom.

All of this led to the rather wondrous realization that Katarina was… enjoying classes.

It was mostly because Katarina was applying the same grim determination to grasping material that might save her life as she did to Mr. Knife’s lessons, but it was amazing what a difference it made to her understanding when her instructors weren’t openly hateful to her personally.

She was even able to spend significant time with her people rounding out the concepts that she understood less.

Katarina was no genius, but she had a dim suspicion that maybe her learning shouldn’t have been quite as… challenging as it had been for the other members of the Council. Between her lessons, her people, her paranoia, and her frequent visits to the kitchen, Katarina was well-occupied.

It hadn’t occurred to her that she was forgetting something until she accidentally ran into the person she least wanted to see.

The first thing Katarina noticed when she quite literally ran into Jeord on her way to meet Keith was that he was still wearing that gold chain on his wrist.

The second thing she noticed was the way he darted backwards and wouldn’t quite meet her eyes as he mumbled a greeting.

The third thing was less of a noticing and more of a remembrance.

Oh gods.

Ignoring the audience they were attracting, Katarina blurted out, “Are you well? Are you safe?”

Well, Katarina thought, if Jeord could run like that, obviously there was nothing wrong with his legs!

He was obviously safe if he could sprint from danger as well as he could sprint from her!

To her considerable relief, she did have something to write to the Queen.

To her most royal majesty, wrote Katarina.

Both of your sons have powerful and healthy leg muscles.

Under the glorious sun of Sorcier, I remain your respectful servant,

Katarina of House Claes

There, thought Katarina in relief. That should answer all questions for some time.

Katarina was still puzzling over the Queen’s reply to her letter when she went for her normal assistance time in the kitchen.

What did “Wed before bed” even mean?

To alleviate her confusion, Katarina decided that it was worthwhile to attempt another Thing for Anne, which the cook was generous enough to allow her to do.

She had barely started mixing when she heard footsteps and she suddenly remembered what had happened the last time she had attempted a recipe.

“Does your brother Keith ever leave you alone?” said the Voice. “Other than when you escape from your keepers to spend time with your true friends amongst the common people?”

Katarina frowned.

Was the voice interested in Keith as well as Anne?

While Katarina could admire the Voice’s tastes, she wasn’t about to make it easy for someone who might or might not have a body, much less worthy skills to support her Keith.

“Keith protects me,” said Katarina.

“From what?” said the Voice with a soft, sympathetic tone. “Your ability to make friends who aren’t approved by your family?”

Katarina’s frown deepened, as did her confusion. “I wouldn’t want to have friends that Anne didn’t approve of.”

Not, Katarina thought, that she had friends in the first place, but if she did have friends, she’d want Anne to approve of them.

There was a long drawn-out silence on the other side of the wall.

“Do your,” and the Voice was soft and hesitant, “parents harm you?”

“All the time,” said Katarina without hesitation and then immediately bit her tongue.

While this was true as she thought of all the ways they had and would fail her, it wasn’t something she should be sharing with a mysterious Voice.

“How are you like this? You’re not…” said the Voice, and then more softly, “the proletariat.”

“Profiteroles?” said Katarina, blinking. “I would like to learn how to make those.”

“I have to go,” said the Voice.

Katarina blinked again and then shrugged.

Considering the smell her current… thing was giving off, she probably wouldn’t want to stick around either.

The kitchen staff were extremely generous and Katarina helped out with them as much as she could, very conscious of the risk of poisoning being reduced if she could see the food prepared. For some reason, they didn’t want her to help her with actual food prep, but they were perfectly happy to let her help with anything else. They even gave her coins which Katarina assumed were meant for her to buy more bribes for them once she was able to go to market again over the summer.

They even let her go into the isolated pantry to try her own things, even after her repeated disasters. The cook kept ruffling her hair beforehand and calling her “poor poppet” which Katarina assumed was a reference to the flavour of what she was making.

Katarina was determined.

At some point she would make an edible Thing for Anne!

And every time she attempted a recipe, the Voice was there too.

“Aren’t you going to give me a name?” said Katarina as she cheerfully put the whole oranges into the orange crème. “It seems only fair since you know mine.”

“I’m sure you can guess,” said the Voice after a moment of hesitation.

“Are you from one of those baronies in the countryside?” said Katarina. “Did your parents name you something embarrassing?”

There was a long moment of silence.

“Something like that,” said the Voice.

“Well,” said Katarina soothingly. “It could always be worse. You could be named Jeord.”

She felt a little guilty, because Jeord’s name wasn’t his fault, but the sharp burst of startled laughter made her heart rise.

It was too bad she couldn’t say the same thing for the orange crème-covered bread.

“I really would like to be clear of that stupid engagement gossip,” said Katarina. “It makes me much more murderable.”

“Couldn’t Prince Jeord remove the suspicion of your involvement?” said the Voice. “Especially if it’s true that he’s not actually engaged to you anymore after his years of speaking badly of you?”

“Oh he hates me too much for that,” said Katarina carelessly, entirely occupied by the way that doubling the baking soda and vinegar in the recipe and adding them together on their own had not had the expected results.

“Do you ever go anywhere without your brother?” said the Voice. “Anywhere that isn’t this kitchen?”

“Why would I?” said Katarina. “Keith says its dangerous to go alone. And who wouldn’t want to spend time with Keith?”

“How,” said the Voice barely audibly, “does someone like you exist?”

Since that wasn’t really a question Katarina could answer, she instead focused on preventing the fire from spreading on the stove top.

Who knew that oil was so flammable?

“So do you have hobbies?” said Katarina staring at the neat row of melons with anticipation.

There was a silence on the other end of the wall.

“I like reading and planning and I…” The Voice hesitated. “Used to enjoy baking.”

“You used to enjoy baking!” said Katarina in mock indignation. “Do you just like listening to me fail then?”

“You’ve never asked for my help,” said the Voice, a queer tone under her words.

“True enough,” said Katarina with a shrug. “It’s nice to have one person where I don’t have to think about what I owe them.”

There was a very long silence from the other side of the wall.

“Don’t put those melons directly in the water,” said the Voice.

“Why not?” said Katarina. “The recipe calls for melons.”

“Friends don’t let friends boil unpeeled melons,” said the Voice.

“We’re friends?” said Katarina in wonderment. “Not lady friends, but friends?”

It was…

It was impossible and yet-

“Yes,” said the Voice, “we are.”

Katarina wasn’t sure why the Voice sounded so resigned, but she assumed it had something to do with what was starting to burst out of Katarina’s currently boiling pot.

Even having to clean the floor and walls and ceiling couldn’t take away her good mood.

Apparently Katarina was able to make a friend, as long as a body wasn’t attached to them and they couldn’t see her.

It didn’t even mean that the person had to have affection for her, but maybe it was possible to have someone who just… liked talking to her. No exchange, no bargaining, no deal necessary.

She ignored the way the Council shifted nervously in her mind.

A real friend.

Katarina could hardly believe it was true.

Katarina was still riding on the cloud of her new friendship when she was startled by a voice, very different from her Voice, hissing at her from an open and empty classroom.

“In here,” said a low female voice. “I have something I need to tell you, well away from prying ears.”

Katarina knew that it was a risk, but she was admittedly intrigued and she suspected that she had enough power to overcome a single woman. Carefully entering the room, she couldn’t see any obvious traps, but she lightly placed her hand over top of her blade for easy withdrawal.

Katarina wondered why Katarina 35 let out a sudden gasp as a girl with a thin face, sharp eyes, and long straight nearly-platinum-blonde hair moved into the light.

Perhaps she was as embarrassed as Katarina was that Katarina could vaguely remember her face but couldn’t remember her name?

Katarina grumbled a little mentally. Obviously this girl hadn’t been on the list of potential murderers or high-ranking political families. How much of the world was she expected to know anyways?

“I’ve got some information for you,” said the sharp-faced girl, getting straight to the point.

“And what is the price of this information?” said Katarina, raising an eyebrow.

“A favour,” said the girl. “At some point, I’ll need your help but I’ll grant you full rights to choose how you help me.”

“That seems reasonable,” said Katarina. “So what do you want to share with me?”

It was in fact an amazingly reasonable exchange for whatever gossip the girl planned to share, which, if nothing else, Katarina hoped would give her a sense of some potential murderous students on campus.

“It’s probably not a surprise to your ladyship,” said the girl, “but you’ve attracted a lot of attention since you’ve arrived. Real nobles are aware of the protection your brother provides based on your position, but some of the people who shouldn’t be here would like it if you were… more vulnerable.”

“You don’t say,” said Katarina. “Tell me more.”

The next morning, Keith opened the door to an early and loud knocking and returned looking very puzzled.

“Why is the Headmaster summoning us?” said Keith looking at the note in his hand.

“How unexpected! Why on earth would he call us both to his office?” said Katarina in a very convincing display of surprise. She was amazed she could pull it off after she had spent most of the night trying to research the obscure minutia of the dormitory rules for the Academy. “Just give me one second to gather something from my dresser and let us go meet with him.”

Keith looked at her but he said nothing and was waiting patiently by the door when she returned.

Katarina tucked her hand into the crook of Keith’s arm and he looked over at her but made no move to change their position and they entered the Headmaster’s office in exactly the show of strength that Katarina hoped to present.

“Lady Katarina… Lord Keith…” said the Headmaster, bowing towards them. “What a pleasure to see you!”

Katarina exchanged a glance with Keith, wondering why he wasn’t meeting their eyes, but mentally shrugged at the strangeness of academics.

“And you, Headmaster,” said Katarina graciously.

There was a long silence.

“You had something you wished to speak to us about?” said Keith, less graciously.

The Headmaster jumped a little. “Oh yes! Something to speak about!”

He swallowed. “Are you both comfortable? Settling in well? Aware of the dormitory regulations?”

Katarina was extremely grateful for her prior knowledge as she began to have a very bad feeling about where this was going. When she spoke, her voice reflected her suspicions. “We are all very busy people, Headmaster. Perhaps it would be best to get directly to the point of our chat?”

It turned out her informant might have been both correct and more useful than she had anticipated.

The Headmaster pulled a large handkerchief out of his pocket and began to methodically wring it between his hands.

“While those of us with understanding of the aristocracy are aware of how deeply you value your sibling relationships, not all members of our large body of scholars and students have such a nuanced understanding of morality and there are rules about dormitory accommodations-”

“What exactly are you saying?” said Keith and the Headmaster let out a short yelp, another victim of Keith’s beautiful eyes.

“It is forbidden to share rooms in the Academy dorms,” said the Headmaster, a bead of water beginning to fall from his forehead. “By the rules of the Academy, we will have to find other accommodation for your lordship.”

He started to mop his head with his handkerchief and muttered something strange that almost sounded like ‘damn Ministry…damn their pets’.

Despite the oddness of his statement, it solidified the idea that Katarina had been tossing over in her mind since the nice girl with the sharp face and long platinum-blonde hair had warned her that some people weren’t happy with her current living situation.

She patted her pocket smugly.

It always paid to be prepared!

Katarina wondered why the Headmaster was sweating so much.

“Are pets allowed in the dorms?” said Katarina, smiling as she cocked her head to one side.

“Well yes,” said the Headmaster, frowning, “but I fail to see what relevance-”

“What does something need to be registered as a pet for the dorm?” said Katarina.

“The pet would have to be properly tagged and handled when outside of the living areas and kept clean and free from disease,” said the Headmaster.

“Would this work as a tag?” said Katarina, holding up the collar she had bought in the distant past, with its carefully personalized structure and writing.

The Headmaster turned as white as a sheet.

“Would this work as a tag?” said Katarina.

The headmaster nodded like a puppet with its strings cut.

“Keith, are you willing to wear this collar?” said Katarina, holding the collar out towards him.

Keith picked up the collar with an unreadable expression on his face. He turned over the tag with ‘Keith’ prominently inscribed on the front and looked directly at Katarina. “It says ‘If lost, return to Katarina Claes’ on the back.”

“I read all of the pet care books when I got you,” said Katarina. “Unfortunately, I didn’t know how big human necks would grow.”

Keith held out his wrist. “The sooner it goes on, the better.”

Katarina gently latched it onto his wrist and impulsively pressed a kiss to the collar as it clicked into place. “There, now everyone will know and no one will try to take you away again.”

She looked up and was a little concerned at the expression on Keith’s face.

“Does it hurt?” said Katarina.

“It’s perfect, my lady,” said Keith.

“Now we are fully within rules,” said Katarina with Expression 371 Gentle Compliance and Menace. “But perhaps, Headmaster, you might wish to consider who would be the most… troublesome to offend in the future?”

She smiled even more widely. “Who would you rather have as support? Some terrible gossip-mongering social climbers? Or lovely rule-abiding students with the backing of the ducal houses and the Royal Family of Sorcier?”

“You…” said the Headmaster. “You…”

“That is correct,” said Keith, his teeth sharp. “May you have a good day.”

As they exited the office, Katarina looked back over her shoulder.

“Huh,” she said to Katarina 11. “It looks like you and the Headmaster have the same flask.”

Katarina enjoyed her time in the library. In her classes, she was constantly flanked by her people sitting beside, behind, and in front of her. The kitchen had fewer people, but still didn’t allow her to be alone.

While Katarina enjoyed her time with her people, sometimes she really needed to just be alone with her head. Even Keith had been forced to begrudgingly admit that it was unlikely that anything would happen in the library, especially since Sophia had gifted her a streamplunk device that would apparently make a loud noise if she pushed the button and instantly alert her people on their own streamplunk devices. Similarly, she could respond to their devices as well, although they seemed less excited about that possibility. As the device was a bit awkward, Katarina only brought it with her to the library, but it was enough to buy her a blissful hour of being alone.

To her embarrassment, one of her favourite aspects of this time was to stare out the window and make up stories about the people she could see, the wilder and less connected to murder the better.

Sometimes though she didn’t need to make anything up to have a story to view.

Katarina coolly eyed the group of familiar noble girls surrounding the unfamiliar blonde sprawled on the ground with a scattered basket of baking around her.

Katarina couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she idly wondered why some of the most powerful girls in the kingdom were putting some unknown in her place. Had she threatened their power in some way?

It was an interesting enough possibility that Katarina was eager to see the blonde’s retaliation.

After all, if the nobles thought it would take that many of them to subdue her, then her powers had to be considerable.

Katarina was doomed to disappointment.

The girl did nothing, even in the face of the group berating her. If anything, her head seemed to droop lower with every pointed finger or exclamation.

Katarina rolled her eyes.

At this point in her life, Katarina had no use for people who didn’t fight back with everything they had to see their enemies disposed of as efficiently as possible.

She watched the nobles leave with detached disdain, planning to look away once they were out of sight.

Then, something interesting happened.

As soon as the nobles were out of sight, the girl’s head came up again and the hairs on the back of Katarina’s neck rose.

Katarina couldn’t see her expression, but her body language was not one of meek subservience.

The blonde girl coolly picked herself up off the ground, no meekness visible in her posture as she stood up and stared in the direction the nobles had vanished.

After the nobles had long since left, the girl was still staring in the direction they had gone. Then she pulled a piece of paper and stick of graphite out of her sleeves and began to write something.

Still staring in that direction, the girl slipped the graphite and paper back in her sleeves, and picked up her empty basket before coolly and deliberately bringing her heel down on one of the baked goods and grinding it into the ground.

She looked up towards the window and Katarina ducked backwards, her breathing unusually fast.

“I don’t want,” said Katarina, “to get in that girl’s way.”

“No,” said Katarina 16, a queer tone in her voice, “you don’t.”

Katarina had a rather interesting contrast to the curly-haired blonde girl’s behaviour not that long in the future.

She was on her way to a lesson with Mr. Knife, when she heard a familiar and largely unwelcome voice.

“-speak that way again,” said Jeord.

Katarina cautiously looked out from behind the shrubbery blocking him from view and was startled to see Jeord surrounded by some of the more aggressive Marquess’ and Earl’s sons from the endless parties before the Academy.

“What are you going to do about it?” said the tall one with the cold eyes. Wasn’t he a son of Marquess Eckhart?

“If you keep insulting Lady Katarina,” said Jeord with a rather terrifying smile, “I will ensure that you learn manners in a situation more appropriate to your talents.”

“With what power?” snorted the shorter one. “And don’t you hate that brat of a Claes? She’s got exactly what she deserves now, lost her engagement to you but still attached to the crown so she can be the bait for all your assass-”

Katarina stared, frozen, as Jeord casually punched the short one in the nose, before pulling his fist back and shaking it, as the whimpering boy crawled backwards on the ground.

“You’re all so boring. More importantly, don’t you know,” Jeord said, cocking his head, “that the cornered dog is the most dangerous?”

Katarina fled to her lesson, her mind in turmoil.

A flash of blonde hair disappeared as she appeared and she briefly wondered who Mr. Knife had been talking to, but she needed all of her shattered concentration to survive the actual lesson.

As Katarina was on her way to class, she heard the hallway buzzing almost as a single voice.

Did you hear that the Eckhart heir got suspended?

Apparently, he had been lying about his magical level and he’s been disinherited.

Do you know why?

Don’t offend the-

When Katarina entered her classroom, she looked, as she’d never looked before.

Jeord was off in the farthest corner, his back to the wall.

His eyes briefly met hers before he lowered them and started twisting the chain on his wrist.

And even as Katarina sat down between all of her people, she wondered.

As much as Katarina would have liked Jeord’s strange behaviour to be her biggest concern, the Council was very good at making her re-evaluate her priorities.

Katarina hadn’t been worried about the midterms. After all, it wasn’t like any of the Council had done particularly well on their exams and she felt like she had a solid base of theoretical knowledge. It wasn’t as if she could do anything about her abysmal magical powers and she had tried.

Unfortunately, the Council were determined to make sure that Katarina didn’t have the opportunity to be unconcerned about anything.

“I know that I’m not going to place well on the exam,” said Katarina with an eyeroll. “I’ll try my best, not be on the bottom, and that should be good enough, shouldn’t it?”

The ominous silence made Katarina let out an involuntary groan.

“You can’t be serious,” said Katarina.

Then, one of the last Council members she would have expected to interfere, spoke up.

“I know it seems ridiculous, sweetheart,” said Katarina 35, “but, after comparing notes, we have good reason to believe that the exam testing might actually be a factor in many of our murders.”

“What?” said Katarina. “That makes no sense.”

“Unfortunately,” said Katarina 20 with a sigh, “it does. You’re probably already slotted into the scapegoat test for your magic.”

Katarina tried very, very hard to understand.

“I heard from Nicol and the students with older siblings that the practical test was just to show your most powerful magic to the examiner?” said Katarina, puzzled.

Katarina 11 rolled her eyes. “That’s the test for some of the students. Not us.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina.

“Look,” said Katarina 35 sounding unusually serious, “you can listen to me or not. Why do you think every politically important child with even the slightest scrap of magic is forced to attend the Academy on pain of their family’s destruction? There are eyes everywhere here. Do you really think they are testing you on whether or not you can soak a target with water?”

“She’s right,” said Katarina 11, her voice thoughtful rather than bitter. “The entire reason the school exists is as a negotiated treaty between the Royal Family and the Ministry of Magic to determine the alliances of the future political power players. I often wonder-”

She broke her words off with a snap of her teeth.

Katarina had a lot of ugly truths suddenly come together. “Do you think then,” she said slowly, “that the exam rankings might more accurately represent… political value?”

“No,” said Katarina 17. “Some of us were genuinely bad at tests.”

“But,” she continued thoughtfully, “a lot of things got worse for us once our ranking was revealed to be that low. Magical talents and the normal aristocracy seem to get one set of tests. People who are potentially of low political value, well, you… might be right.”

“Oh gods,” said Katarina, dizzy and overwhelmed. “If I score low on the exams, it might make me even more of a target because the contrast between my political power and my family’s position would make me-”

“Disposable,” said Katarina 20 softly. “The perfect scapegoat.”

“The academics still matter,” said Katarina 17. “I don’t think they are entirely faked. However, taking your idea into account, I think the academics help determine your placement within your assessed political level.”

“I was always,” Katarina said staring out into the darkness, “going to receive a low political value because of my lack of magic. I’ve tried for years and I’m never going to have the magic the average noble child has as a two-year-old.”

“And what I’ve been telling you,” said Katarina 35, rolling her eyes, “is that they won’t be testing your magic. Only the most powerful magic users are going to receive actual tests of their abilities. For everyone else, the tests are a chance to prove their political usefulness.”

“And how,” said Katarina, “am I going to prove that I am politically useful with an earth bump?”

Katarina 35 smiled. “I have every confidence that you will astound us all.”

“Well,” said Katarina 16, looking more sympathetic and less confident than the other Katarinas, “isn’t the most important part of being diplomatic and thus politically useful being able to convince someone that something worthless is actually incredibly valuable?”

“Oh,” said Katarina. “Oh.”

Katarina had not slept, had not done anything but run her plan over and over in her mind.

As she stared at the blank-faced professor about to conduct her exam, she could only hope it would be enough.

Key to her strategy was to instantly take control of the situation, so when the examiner opened his mouth to speak, Katarina struck.

“Look,” said Katarina to the examiner, “we both know what is going to happen here.”

She was not going to be one of the mediocre students they ignored and merely asked for a display of their most powerful magic.

If she didn’t do something drastic, she would be set up, like all the Katarinas before her, with an impossible test meant to place her as a political sacrifice.

It was fortunate that she was truly Peak Katarina.

Katarina gestured to the testing grounds. “You are going to ask me to demonstrate a protective magic and I will make an earth bump. You will ask me to create an offensive magic and I will give you a bump. Way to achieve great heights? Bump. Way to lure and confine an angry guard dog without harming it or myself? Also bump.”

Katarina still had no idea why they had asked for the last demonstration from every Katarina in her memories, but she assumed that the examiners were all evil.

She knew that she was absolutely correct by the very tiny movement of the examiner’s eyebrows.

It was as good as a scream of surprise from someone not an evil contributor to the ‘Let’s Get Katarina Murdered Club’.

“Can’t I at least,” Katarina said hopefully, “show the artistic potential of the fine control I have developed in creating subtle alterations to my earth bump?”

The examiner’s facial expression remained completely even.

“Politically,” Katarina said, looking up from under her eyelashes, “art is one of the greatest tools of diplomacy and manipulation of opinion.”

“…proceed,” said the examiner.

“Earth bump,” said Katarina, mentally altering the fine structure in a way that she had achieved through hours of frantic practice.

“I call this Earth Bump In Pain,” Katarina said excitedly, gesturing at her creation. “The subtle curvature over the top combined with the ragged edge on the side signifies its ability to conceal its malaise while underneath it is a roiling current of distress and dissolving earth.”

She looked up at the examiner from under her eyelashes. “Diplomatically, it shows the ability of Sorcier to rise above turmoil and bury those who would create malaise.”

The examiner stared at Katarina for a very long moment.

Then he started to write.

Katarina continued, her exhaustion and adrenaline combining in fierce determination.

Somehow, two other stone-faced examiners appeared as Katarina started the creation of “Earth Bump Descending a Staircase”.

Katarina ignored them, focused entirely on her fight for her life and the political usage of earth bumps.

“-and this is only a bridging work into The Earth Bump on the Grass, which illustrates the marriage of power and life possible through the joining of magic with authority within Sorcier’s political-”

By the time Katarina started presenting “I and the Earth Bump”, there was a large cluster of expressionless examiners watching her. Katarina found that it only heightened her burning desire to make them all pay for their evil actions in her other lives.

Yes, thought Katarina, even as utter garbage left her mouth. Listen to me and look at these works of art and be forced to take me seriously or look like the fools you are.

She smiled a little more maniacally than she intended.

She was going to make these examiners make her politically valuable enough to avoid assassination and maybe later she would make sure they would always have a small piece of her dirt on them somewhere uncomfortable.

For Art.

When Katarina finished, ten expressionless examiners were standing there staring at her earth bumps, mumbling quietly to one another.

Katarina mockingly bowed in their direction and skipped off to bed.

She had no idea if she had succeeded, but she had forced those evil people to listen to two hours of her discussing artistic dirt.

No matter her exam placement, Katarina was the winner.

Katarina stared at her exam placement in disbelief.

“Seventh,” she said. “How am I seventh?”

The Council had either died or had their minds broken from astonishment, so Katarina was alone in her hysterical bewilderment.

Well, apparently, she wasn’t a political scapegoat this time!

She took an even giddier and much less astonished look at the top five.

“Sophia first, Jeord second, Alan third, Keith fourth and Mary fifth,” Katarina murmured with real joy in her voice. She had come by herself to avoid her people seeing her break down if she was too low, but now she would have to congratulate all of them. Hadn’t Nicol said something about the top five all making Student Council? Of course only her people were worthy of being on top, even if they were forced into that nightmare of a Student Council.

Katarina could even begrudgingly admit that Jeord was probably smart and talented enough to deserve his place.

She’d have to politely congratulate him after the full-scale celebration with her people.

Katarina couldn’t believe it.

Seventh.

One less way to die!

She glanced quickly at the sixth spot on the chart. Too bad for whoever Maria Campbell was that Katarina’s people were so amazing. It must have been really disappointing for someone who didn’t know better to miss out on a Student Council spot like that.

The celebration was long and Katarina’s previous tension and exhaustion ironically led to an unsettled sleep.

Or perhaps something even more disturbing.

Katarina was dreaming.

Or at least she thought she was dreaming.

There was a light and it was bright and Katarina moved towards it.

As she peered in, a girl with wild hair and brave, bright eyes looked back up at her.

“Hello,” said the girl.

She frowned, looking oddly anxious. “It’s starting, isn’t it? That’s why I can see you.”

“You have to be careful,” she said, staring earnestly up at Katarina. “Acchan couldn’t tell-”

The light came and swallowed and Katarina drifted backwards into the darkness.

Katarina’s eyes snapped open, a massive headache building behind her temples.

She instantly closed her eyes again, furious as she realized what must have happened.

“Is my head a waystation?” said Katarina, glaring at the Council.

“No?” said Katarina 16.

“Then why do all these people keep showing up inside it?” snarled Katarina.

“Did you have a bad dream?” said Katarina 20 sympathetically. “If you don’t eat desserts before bedtime, I hear it can help with bad dreams.”

“I don’t get to eat desserts anyways,” said Katarina, unaccountably depressed. “I thought that the good part of getting to live this life was that I would get to be able to eat desserts, but I don’t. I keep getting told that there will be cake, but there is never cake. The cake is a lie!”

“Do you feel better now?” said Katarina 20.

“No,” said Katarina.

“Well maybe you should go back to sleep anyways,” said Katarina 19, “because gods know that the rest of us would like to.”

Katarina was both fascinated and appalled by the fact that the Council apparently slept. There had been something she was going to ask them, but her headache was so blinding that she gave up on trying to remember and slowly slipped deeper into darkness.

“Hey,” said Keith when she woke the next morning, “did you have bad dreams? You look exhausted.”

Katarina smiled fondly at him despite her genuine exhaustion. “Obviously dreaming about nothing at all is enough to make me tired, apparently.”

She followed after him as they left for breakfast and wondered what she had been doing to give herself such a terrible headache.

“Did I actually have a nightmare?” Katarina asked the Council.

“No,” said Katarina 11, “you’re just obsessed with cake.”

Katarina frowned as she headed towards the cafeteria. She wondered what a pair of brave, bright eyes had to do with dessert.

Katarina still couldn’t believe her exam placement nearly a week after the results had been posted. She was resigned to losing some time with her people as they were swallowed by the Student Council since non-members were not allowed inside, but she was still so grateful that she had avoided that trap that she’d basically been walking on air, no streamplunk necessary.

“Oh there’s my informant,” said Katarina cheerfully as she walked towards class. She had used the services of the thin-faced platinum-blonde girl a few more times since the warning about the Headmaster’s meeting. “I really should try to learn her name at some point.”

“Is she well?” said Katarina 35, her voice anxious in a way Katarina had never heard her. “Does she look well?”

“She has long platinum-blonde hair and a fast walk? She doesn’t appear to be actively dying?” said Katarina. “Who is she?”

Katarina 35’s unusual nervousness vanished as if it had never been and she smirked with all her usual languor. “No one, sweetheart. No one at all.”

“Katarina!” said Sophia her voice unusually loud as she almost ran towards her.

“You have to come with me,” she said, as half the hallway pretended not to stare at the two of them.

“What about class?” said Katarina, determined not to make the terrifying murderous instructors even more murderous.

“You’re excused,” said Sophia impatiently, grabbing Katarina’s hand. “Come on.”

Before Katarina could even process what was happening, she found herself standing outside the doors to the Student Council.

In hindsight, it was a bit surprising that she had never been inside those doors since Nicol was one of the two members prior to the exam results. However, since Nicol had spent so much time with her outside of the room, it had never occurred to her to bother him there.

Mainly because only Student Council members were meant to use the Student Council room.

“Sophia,” said Katarina with a sudden feeling of rising dread, “why are we outside the Student Council room?”

Sophia raised an eyebrow at her, “Because we’re going into the Student Council room, come on.”

She threw open the door and all of Katarina’s people were in there cheering and swarming her and Katarina’s mind went on a nice momentary break.

By the time she refocused, she was being pushed in front of a familiar-looking noble. She assumed he was the person she vaguely remembered Nicol mentioning as the person in charge of the Academy Council and a natural genius. The Katarina Council had encountered him in most of their lives, but Katarina honestly couldn’t remember if she had been introduced to him at one of the interminable tea parties.

Regardless, the student council president rose, a fixed smile on his face and a teacup in his hand, and looked towards Katarina and her people-

Crash.

Katarina hoped that the tea would wash out of his clothing. There wasn’t any saving the teacup once it hit the floor, but his trousers were so well-made it seemed a shame to lose them.

“This is our Council President, Lord Sirius Dieke,” said Alan.

“Urgh,” said Lord Sirius, his face chalk-white.

“Dead,” he continued, in a way that puzzled Katarina, but no doubt was some aspect of his genius that Nicol had kept mentioning. Perhaps he was artistic?

His clothing was certainly stunning and well-made and chosen, far more than anyone else Katarina had seen at the Academy. She was so busy admiring the cut of his trousers that she missed that the rest of her people had moved onto the tray of tea items and she had been left alone with Lord Sirius.

“-your role,” said Lord Sirius, obviously having found more and better words at some point.

“I beg your pardon?” said Katarina.

Something unpleasant flashed in those stunning eyes before he smiled that bland, gentle smile that seemed to take a lot of work based on the tenseness of his facial muscles. “I was just saying Lady Katarina that I expect I will be seeing a lot of you in the future.”

“Why?” said Katarina, too baffled to avoid the accidental rudeness.

Lord Sirius stared at her.

Then he smiled.

There was something oddly frightening about the difference in expression between his eyes and his lips.

“It occurs to me, Lady Katarina,” said Lord Sirius, “that you may not have been completely… updated as to the current workings of the Student Council this year. We will have the largest Student Council on record since we have an abundance of qualified students. Why, there was a great deal of concern from the Ministry of Magic that the extremely qualified commoner student did not have a chance to share in our student governance since the exam results for the Top Five were the highest they had been in a hundred years. Of course, our dear Headmaster could hardly let us be without a nearly as qualified commoner representative and so we will be blessed with her presence at the table.”

Oh gods.

Katarina knew the politics of Sorcier more than she knew nearly anything else in her life.

There was no way the nobles would have let a non-meritocratic commoner onto the Council of the Academy of Magic without some kind of cost or bala-

“No,” said Katarina in a soft exhale and something that might have been surprise passed over Lord Sirius’ face before he settled back onto that oddly-familiar fixed smile.

“Then of course, it was only just that the aristocracy were able to vote on a noble representative of nearly equal meritocratic strength,” said Lord Sirius in a slow drawl, his eyes glinting. “Congratulations on your victory, Lady Katarina.”

“Urgh,” said Katarina, swaying as she fumbled her hands towards a chair.

“Cheer up,” said Lord Sirius, that polite smile somehow growing wider, “It’s not as if the paperwork will kill you.”

“You,” said Katarina. “You…”

She took an involuntary step towards him and was surprised to see him flinch and take an involuntary step backwards.

“Point made,” he said hoarsely. “I concede, Lady Katarina.”

What he conceded Katarina was never quite able to discover because Keith suddenly appeared and apparently they needed to get to class and Katarina spent most of the rest of her day in a haze of bewilderment.

The realization hit her as soon as she was back in her dorm room.

“Huh,” said Katarina, “Sirius Dieke makes nearly as many pre-planned expressions as I do.”

She paused and continued thoughtfully. “Also, I appear to overwhelm him. I suspect that it is

either because of his artistic sensibilities or because, well, look at me.”

She gestured to herself and sighed. “It really is the disadvantage of having such a murderable face.”

“Are you suggesting,” said Katarina 16, her expression one of open disbelief, “that Sirius Dieke plans to murder you?”

“Not plans,” said Katarina thoughtfully, “but these kinds of things seem to happen spontaneously when the murderability of my face gets too tempting. Perhaps I can convince him to overlook it if I get him to talk about his fabulous fashion choices?”

“I…” said Katarina 16. “I…”

“He really does dress well,” said Katarina 20 thoughtfully. “Maybe you can find out where he gets the material for his trousers? I doubt that he’ll share his tailor.”

Katarina did not get the chance to put her plan into action, because her life was far too full of murder and avoiding murder even to have a nice chat with a potential murderer about high fashion, but she did get to chat with the one person in Sorcier who probably wasn’t planning to murder her since murdering people mostly required having a body.

“You know that she isn’t actually just a disembodied voice?” said Katarina 16.

Katarina rolled her eyes. “Of course she isn’t. But if she actually planned to kill me, she could have done so pretty easily while I was by myself in a small isolated pantry.”

“That isn’t…” said Katarina 16, “that isn’t…”

Katarina whistled cheerfully.

She was going to try pie today!

Maybe it wouldn’t even require the evacuation of part of the kitchen!

“I wish they hadn’t voted me onto Council,” said Katarina. “I didn’t even know there was a vote.”

Doubtless, thought Katarina, spearheaded by people who wanted to put a bigger target on her back as a valuable assassination target. After a long Council argument and some very persuasive pieces of information, Katarina had regrettably realized that not even the lure of Lord Sirius’ beautifully arranged clothing was worth the risk of being the non-meritocratic member of the Council.

“You don’t want to be on Council?” said the Voice, strangely hesitantly.

“Not at all!” said Katarina vigorously. “I’ve already told Nicol that I have no intention of attending and will do my work on my own. Maybe I’ll help him with Nicol’s Nuances, now that it’s so popular. If I could resign, I would. The Academy should just let the commoner have her spot and leave me alone.”

“What?” said the Voice.

Katarina frowned.

She had no idea why that was so surprising.

“I mean,” said the Voice, recovering, “you support a commoner on Student Council?”

“Of course,” said Katarina, shivering slightly at the memory of Katarina 31’s angry townspeople. “It is important to have commoner representation.”

They got really murderous otherwise.

Or maybe they had other reasons, but Katarina was all for political maneuvers that reduced the murderousness of a group of people prone to dismemberment.

“I…” said the Voice. “I… want to embrace you.”

“I like hugs,” said Katarina with a smile, “and I know that friends hug one another. You can give me one, if you want.”

She’d read about it when she was trying to find out what friends did. She had just assumed that a disembodied voice wasn’t able to touch her.

There was a long silence and something that sounded almost like a sob.

“I can’t,” said the Voice. “I’m over here and you’re over there.”

“You could just come out from behind the wall,” said Katarina.

“I can’t,” said the Voice and she sounded so sad that Katarina unconsciously reached towards the wall before pulling her hand back. “I’m not… I’m not what I am here. I can’t be this person if you see me.”

“Then,” said Katarina, subtly trying to change the conversation before those noises actually became sobs, “can you explain slowly how I am supposed to make this mess into food?”

The Voice could in fact explain things.

Katarina was almost positive she wasn’t going to explode anything this time.

The Voice was much happier when she was telling Katarina what to do and it was a rather novel experience for Katarina.

She wasn’t sure whether or not she enjoyed it.

“So,” said the Voice casually, “do you ever go anywhere except here without your sister or your brother? Do they ever… take a day off?”

“You can’t date both Anne and Keith,” said Katarina frowning. “Not unless you talk to both of them first and make sure that they are fine with you touching both of them. I still need to make sure you aren’t planning to hurt either of them, too.”

The Council had taught her lots of things about relationships, in particular relationships involving lots of people.

Katarina frowned even more deeply. “Only Worms touch lots of people without making sure that everyone knows and is fine with all that touching.”

Katarina mentally nodded smugly at how well she remembered things.

There was a long silence from around the corner of the wall.

“I’ll,” said the Voice eventually, “keep that in mind.”

Katarina realized something. “Do you just want to date secret babies?”

She added hastily in an attempt to avoid increasing murderousness, “I mean, you are welcome to like whoever you like and certainly this school has many secret babies that are available and murderous and-”

She cut off her own words with a sharp snap of her teeth.

There was another moment of silence.

“I am,” said the Voice sweetly but also emphatically, “currently only interested in one person who is not a secret baby.”

“Well,” said Katarina, “you seem fairly charming and smart for a disembodied voice behind a wall, so why don’t you let your person know that you’re interested?”

“She’s also an idiot,” mumbled the Voice, in a way that Katarina was sure was not meant for her to hear. However, Katarina was not about to let bad relationship behaviour pass uncommented. She owed Nicol that much!

“That,” said Katarina wisely, “is not a good way to talk about her if you want her to date you.”

“You’re right,” said the Voice, sounding both slightly ashamed and oddly respectful. “It was also a lie born from frustration.”

“Lying is not a good way to run any kind of relationship,” said Katarina, not feeling the slightest guilt about her own lies. They were all completely necessary! And mostly of omission!

“Why don’t you,” Katarina continued, feeling the spirit of Nicol possess her, “ask her to come with you and have a talk? See how she feels?”

There was silence from the other side of the wall.

“I… haven’t met her in person yet,” said the Voice hesitantly.

“You haven’t even met her in person?” said Katarina, frowning. “That doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

In fact, it reminded Katarina uncomfortably of how little time the Council members had often spent with Jeord before deciding that they were in love. It wasn’t that she thought someone would necessarily murder the Voice. After all, only Katarina seemed to be able to inspire the true heights of murderousness, but…

“Why don’t you try meeting her?” said Katarina. “You might find out something more useful if you actually meet with her in person.”

There was a long silence on the other side of the wall.

“You’re right,” said the Voice finally. “I’ve been making excuses, but you’re right. Thank you.”

Katarina felt unbearably smug as she stared at her still-not-edible-but-not-actively toxic pie. She was no Nicol, but she still had lots of great relationship advice!

Katarina was running a little late for class. She was supposed to meet Alan, but she had been waylaid by one of her other professors and she only hoped that he hadn’t come looking for her when she didn’t arrive at their meeting place. She was nearly at the top of the stairs and she could see the feet of someone else going up the stairs and it wouldn’t do to run them over on the way down-

Katarina looks up.

There is a blonde girl in front of her on the stairc-

There is a curly-haired woman in front of her on the stairc-

There is a commoner in front of her on the stairc-

There is a light mage in front of her on the stairc-

There is a Maria in front of her on the stairc-

This is the way the girl dies

This is the way the girl dies

Not with a bang

but a whimper

and the world goes white

Katarina!

Her head hurts.

Everything hurts.

“I won’t die,” says Katarina. “Not like this.”

And she can breathe again.

The world resumes its motion.

When Katarina was able to fully focus, she realized that every single one of her people was staring down at her.

She blinked and looked around her at the white bed, white walls, and white room.

“What happened?” said Katarina, her voice much hoarser than she expected.

“Katarina,” said Keith and suddenly he was on the bed, wrapped around her as tightly as if they were in their own bed.

Keith was never that tightly wrapped around her in public.

“You were falling,” said Alan staring straight ahead, his fists clenched at his sides.

“I only,” said Alan, his face chalk-white and his eyes glazed and distant, “saw you falling. I… have no idea about anything else. You were falling and-”

A strange keening noise left his throat and, to Katarina’s surprise both Mary and Nicol placed a hand on one of his shoulders.

“If Jeord hadn’t been as fast as I was…”

Sophia moved slightly as her body shook with silent sobs and Katarina realized that, yes, Jeord was standing there.

Before she had a chance to process what was happening, he stepped forward.

“There was one witness,” said Jeord, his voice more tired and devoid of manipulation than Katarina had ever heard him. “A very reliable student was coming down the hallway in time to witness the situation before Alan and I arrived.”

“Katarina,” said Jeord, not looking at her, “Lord Sirius said that there were only two people on that staircase.”

He took a deep breath. “Did that commoner… push you?”

“What?” said Katarina.

“We have reason to suspect,” said Jeord, something dark in the tone of his voice, “that Maria Campbell, scholarship student and the Ministry of Magic’s sponsored light mage, may have tried to murder you.”

And Katarina’s head exploded.

Maria Campbell.

Mariacampbellmariacampbellmariacampbellmariacampbell

The Council was circling Katarina and chanting the name repeatedly and suddenly everything made sense.

“It was her,” said Katarina 20, shaking. “It was always her. Always.”

“So many deaths,” said the Council in a ghastly chorus, “So many deaths for her.”

“Jeord,” said Katarina 16 grimly, “may have been responsible for the greatest variety of deaths but, across all Council and non-Council deaths, that person was responsible for the most deaths overall.”

Katarina 2 (death by Maria-inspired accident), Katarina 18 (death by offending Maria), Katarina 29 (death by Maria’s humiliation) and Katarina 30 (death by Maria informing Nicol of Katarina’s existence) had surrounded the pale and trembling Katarina 20 and were gently alternating holding her and humming her to in that terrible tuneless sound that was a Katarina attempt at singing.

“She was the reason,” said Katarina, so many deaths scrolling past her, the blonde light mage burned into the background like the image of Death.

“And now,” said Katarina 18, her voice distant, “she doesn’t even need to get other people to do her dirty work.”

“But why does she want me dead?” said Katarina.

“Does it matter? ” said Katarina 16 impatiently.

“Yes,” said Katarina softly, as the Council proceeded to comfort one another and wail, “it does.”

When Katarina refocused, a very scary-looking woman was standing over her.

“My lady is not going to encourage her friends to disturb my lady’s rest until she is fully better, now is she?” said the doctor, her teeth glinting.

“No, ma’am,” said Katarina meekly.

She wished that she hadn’t blacked out that second time, as informative as it was, because two days of listening to the Council’s panic about the Mastermind was enough to make her want to claw out her own brain.

It wasn’t much better when she was finally able to meet with her people and Jeord.

“Thank you for saving me,” Katarina said politely to Jeord, after her fervent embrace of Alan and how amazing he was to plan out a way to prevent her from breaking her head in that short a space of time. She was amazed that they both had managed to catch her and still wasn’t sure how they had made it work.

Jeord winced, but he did meet her gaze. “Don’t thank me,” he said, as he spun the chain on his wrist. “Really don’t thank me.”

Alan spoke in maybe the least hostile voice Katarina had heard him direct towards Jeord in years. “You know that you’re not responsible for assass-”

Jeord raised his hand and headed towards the door. “Let me keep the value of the lesson. I’ll forget it soon enough.”

If Katarina thought the mood would improve once Jeord was gone, she was sadly mistaken.

It turned out that part of Jeord’s problem was that, despite several impeccable noble witnesses, the administration was unwilling to believe that Maria Campbell had even been present much less caused the accident by pushing Katarina. They were willing to instigate a three-day distancing between the two girls, but nothing further.

The thing was, Katarina thought with some wryness, was that they weren’t entirely wrong. Maria Campbell hadn’t pushed her. Her murderousness was far stranger and more dangerous and Katarina still had no idea quite what she had done.

Since Katarina couldn’t exactly discuss the Council with her people and her own suspicions with her people, it made the next few days torturous as they looked for Maria behind every corner and followed her everywhere.

When she finally begged to go to the library, streamplunk visibly present, she was mostly relieved that they agreed.

It was such a relief to sit in a quiet corner and be alone that it took Katarina longer than she would have liked to realize what was going on behind the bookshelf separating her from the world.

In fact, it was only the mention of her name that pulled her into alertness.

“-not as enamoured with Queen Katarina as the rest of the school,” said a sneering voice that Katarina recognized as the sister of the Baron’s son she’d had mostly removed from society a number of years previously.

“I don’t understand,” said the Voice, and gods it was the Voice, except somehow a thousand times sweeter and meeker, “why my opinion on Lady Katarina is important.”

“Oh I know that you know your place,” said the Baron’s daughter approvingly, “but your little stunt has come to the attention of the… right people.”

She continued, her voice both gentle and terrifying, “It must be so hard to be without connections to the great families around you. We can see your abilities and would be happy to show you some of the… benefits for making a proper alignment.”

“I’m sure that you would,” said the Voice, softer and sweeter than honey. “Thank you so much for your kindness, but I am very boring and only wish to continue studying to earn my place at this illustrious Academy.”

“Suit yourself,” said the Baron’s daughter with a sniff. “But remember that the world is a cruel place to those who don’t have a ladder out of the muck.”

Once the footsteps had completely faded into the distance, there was shuffle of a chair and then-

“Bourgeois,” said the Voice with a rough snort.

Katarina had no idea what that meant, but it sounded like an amazing insult.

“Mon petit chou,” said the Voice, “how did you become you?”

This seemed like something that not only could Katarina not answer but also that she should maybe not hear and, with an odd tenderness for her only friend, Katarina quietly left the library and the Voice to her musings.

Unfortunately, the world was not nearly as Subtle and kind as Katarina.

It hadn’t occurred to Katarina that Maria had to share lessons with her because all students of the same year shared lessons.

Katarina only realized this obvious fact when Maria suddenly appeared at the table in front of her in her classroom five seconds before Katarina stopped breathing and the world went black.

“You will not move or breathe or do anything until I am convinced that your brain is still inside your skull,” said the terrifying doctor. “Do we understand one another, my lady?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Katarina.

Katarina also was forced to realize the many aspects of life that Maria and her shared such as eating, walking down hallways, and -sometimes- breathing over the next week.

“You know,” said the hard-looking doctor in the infirmary, “we don’t have special bonus points for most time spent here, my lady.”

“Sorry,” said Katarina meekly. She had long since learned that it was a really bad idea to argue with people who looked after you when you were unconscious.

“This can’t continue,” said Katarina 20, her eyes harder than Katarina had ever seen them.

“I’m not sure what to do,” said Katarina quietly. “I’m barely conscious enough to survive, much less plan how to solve the problem.”

“Don’t worry about the planning,” said Katarina 16, the intensity of her expression so frightening that Katarina involuntarily shivered. “I have ideas.”

As it turned out, Katarina never got to hear any of those ideas.

“You won’t be seeing Miss Campbell ever again,” said Nicol abruptly, as Katarina surfaced from unconsciousness to find herself surrounded by her people, all of them reminding her strangely of the predatory faces from that dream she tried to forget.

Katarina blinked. “Is she dead?”

“No,” said Mary.

Katarina pretended she didn’t hear the soft unfortunately.

“Even someone as… generous as our Headmaster,” said Keith, his teeth glinting, “can see the problems with the Ministry’s pet light mage murdering the most highly ranked aristocratic woman at the Academy.”

“Accidentally murdering,” said Alan, his voice soft, but his eyes full of rage. “We can’t forget that it is just a deeply unfortunate reaction of powerful light magic with Katarina’s magical core. An allergy, if you will. One that will never be tested because that would be an invasion of dear Miss Campbell’s privacy.”

“One way or another, she is not allowed within twenty feet of you which appears to be, from her bloody unauthorized testing, the distance it takes to not hurt you at all,” said Mary, every aspect of her body indicating a barely controlled desire to destroy things. “Of course the actual harmful distance is closer, but the Headmaster could see the value of compromise. Eventually.”

“It will make her schooling slightly challenging,” said Nicol. “But she can learn just as well from the classroom corner or hallway.”

He smiled.

“So she’s not expelled or on trial?” said Katarina slowly. It made perfect sense to her based on her past lives and Maria’s abilities as an obvious mastermind, but her people took her question very differently.

Mary and Keith simultaneously growled and Alan walked over to the wall before coolly punching it.

“Someone powerful’s protecting her,” said Sophia, her eyes and voice sharp. “She should be dead, but our combined resources weren’t enough to get her even a small punishment. I’m so sorry, Katarina.”

Suddenly, Katarina had an armful of bawling Princess and she instinctively grasped Sophia to her chest and pressed her lips to the top of her head.

“It’s alright,” she said, looking up in bewilderment. “I am amazed you were able to do that much.”

Mary let out a noise like a teakettle about to explode.

“That shouldn’t amaze you. You should,” said Nicol, obviously speaking for all of them, “be amazed that the people who are supposed to protect you have failed so badly.”

Katarina was still mulling over those words as she spread out her pie mixture in the pantry.

Especially since she had seen Maria in the distance at multiple times during the day.

It was only a matter of time before Maria approached again and Katarina still wasn’t sure why Maria was so determined to murder her.

“I think one of my classmates is trying to kill me,” said Katarina, as she pounded at the pie dough more aggressively than it really needed. “It’s not that lots of people haven’t tried to kill me, but it’s strange to have someone I have to spend a lot of time with in a close space who I know wants me dead and not be able to do something about it.”

She paused for a second, “I suppose all of that also applies to the members of my household, but at least I know why they want to murder me.”

Well, mostly anyways. After all, she had a very murderable face.

There was a long silence from the other side of the wall.

“Are you sure,” said the Voice with a strange crack in its normal sweet smoothness, “that she’s trying to kill you?”

“Well, considering I start choking to death every time she gets within an armlength of me and she keeps coming back to stand next to me, I don’t see how there could be an explanation other than her trying to make me dead,” said Katarina.

There was a long silence.

“It’s been killing you?” said the Voice so softly that Katarina barely heard her.

“Stopping breathing is generally not good for health,” said Katarina, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know why she wants me dead so badly but she’s powerful enough to see it through apparently. It’s not like I have the kind of support that could protect me from someone intent on killing me publicly if the school officials are determined to turn a blind eye.”

Guiltily, Katarina realized that was a terrible lie when she thought about her people, her family, and the Queen, but she deserved to be dramatic, Theatre Club be damned!

“Oh,” said the Voice in a tone Katarina had never heard before. “Excuse me, I need to go.”

Katarina blinked and then mentally shrugged.

Obviously this pie wasn’t going to work out either.

Katarina hadn’t thought about Jeord in some time.

She had a fuzzy impression of seeing him in between her fits of nearly dying, leaning over her infirmary bed and rubbing those strange gold chains on his wrist, but she had decided that was obviously a near-death induced hallucination.

Now that she was no longer immediately dying, some very troubling things were starting to become clear to her.

When she went to the cafeteria for a meal, Katarina was startled to realize that Jeord was sitting at a table entirely by himself.

In all of the Council’s memories, he’d been surrounded by friends and future courtiers and hangers-on. It was strange to see him so isolated, his back rigidly straight, his expression closed. It was even stranger to realize the number of dark glances being made in his direction and the number of whispers and pointed fingers obviously directed towards him.

“He looks like he’s planning something,” hissed Katarina 10 (death by assassins aiming for Jeord’s fiancée).

“He looks like he’s deciding the best way to use someone to further his own goals,” said Katarina 19 with a sneer.

“He looks,” said Katarina 16 idly, “lonely.”

And, Katarina realized, he did.

Suddenly, her head began to hurt.

“Did you really think anyone would actually want to be your friend?”

A soft smile.

“You’re in the way and you’ve made enough mistakes that it’s easy to remove you.”

The angry yelling is getting louder and the voice lowers as a soft mouth breathes out poison.

“The flower who blooms by herself is much easier to pluck than one in the middle of the field.”

A smile like a rose blooming.

“It’s nothing personal.”

“I’m sorry,” said Katarina 24, near tears. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No,” said Katarina softly, “I understand.”

She stared at Jeord, sitting straight-backed by himself in a cafeteria full of hostility, before she silently turned back into the hallway and walked away.

“Nicol,” said Katarina hesitantly, “Jeord is your friend, isn’t he?”

Of course he was. Nicol in every universe was one of Jeord’s most loyal supporters.

Nicol paused. “Of sorts.”

Katarina’s eyes widened and she swallowed past her suddenly dry throat.

“I think he needs…” and then she stopped.

What could she say?

If Jeord had somehow only become Nicol’s ‘of sorts’ friend, then why did Nicol need to do anything at all?

Who was there who could make sure that Jeord wasn’t blooming by himself?

And why did she care?

“I need to go,” she said, and tried to ignore the way Nicol reached for her before pulling his hand back as she hurried out the door.

Katarina stared at her overdue letter to the Queen.

She genuinely wasn’t sure what she could write.

She was still pondering that question when she accidentally overheard a very familiar voice as she was walking down an outside corridor.

It was instinctual since he had been so much on her mind for Katarina to put her stealth to good use and carefully peer around the corner.

Jeord was speaking with a girl whose back was towards Katarina and the hostility in his body language startled Katarina. He was always so controlled in public that his open distaste completely shook her impression of his public persona.

Katarina was half-wondering if it was someone intending to harm him, and, if so, if she should interfere, when the girl shook her head and Katarina suddenly realized who she was.

It was Maria and Katarina could already feel her throat start to close. She was far enough away that it was probably more fear than actual effect, but she couldn’t take any changes. Katarina was quietly determining how to exit when she heard her name and found herself freezing in place.

No…

That voice…

It couldn’t be-

“There are a lot of stories at the Academy,” said Maria sweetly. “So many people feel sorry for poor Katarina Claes, removed from her heirship to become engaged to a prince who hates her and has spent years letting everyone know his feelings.”

“It’s even said,” said Maria even more softly and sweetly, “that he convinced his parents to let her stand in an unnamed engagement with a Stuart prince so that she could be the focus of any… unsavoury attempts on the royal family’s fiancées while the actual fiancées were kept anonymous and protected. Everyone wonders how long she’ll survive – that poor, foolish Katarina, so devoted she spends all her time with her brother to keep herself pure for her unfaithful royal lover.”

Katarina couldn’t even process what she had just said because she knew that voice.

Jeord didn’t seem to have similar problems with understanding Maria.

“Where did you hear those lies?” said Jeord.

“Or,” said Jeord, his eyes suddenly growing colder, “were you the one to spread them in the first place?”

“You don’t deserve her,” said Maria, her voice suddenly as cold as Jeord’s expression, full of righteous fury. “She’ll never be safe with you around.”

“Both of those things could be true,” said Jeord, “but I’m not the one who keeps sending her to the infirmary.”

His smile was vicious. “If you hurt her any further, I will use what little power I have left to destroy you.”

Katarina finally found the power of her legs and nearly sprinted away from her unintentional hiding place.

“What,” she said, her face stripped of all colour, “is going on here?”

Her mind was as empty as her ability to answer the question.

“Maria can’t be the Voice!” said Katarina. “Jeord can’t be defending me when he has nothing to gain from it!”

“I can’t be dead,” said Katarina 11 dryly, “and yet, here we are!”

Katarina only knew one way to deal with things that wanted to hurt her so badly that her heart wanted to burst out of her chest in pain and that was to beat them to death with their own limbs.

Well, two ways.

Katarina sat on the chair in the small pantry until she heard the movement on the other side of the wall.

The Council had tried to convince her that it was too much of a risk, but Katarina was much too angry and hurt to listen to reasonable advice.

“You lied to me,” said Katarina.

“No,” said the Voice, said Maria, “I didn’t lie, not once.”

“You,” said Katarina, not sure why she felt so much pain rising in her chest, “made me think you were someone else. I don’t care if you want to call that a lie or not a lie, it was wrong of you. Especially since you’re trying to kill me. It would have been kinder to just kill me outright.”

She had almost made Katarina believe that someone wanted to just… talk to her, that she didn’t need to exchange things to have someone want to spend time with her. She had made Katarina believe that she could have a friend. It was staggering in its cruelty and so completely unnecessary when she could have just killed Katarina at any moment.

There was a long silence from the other side of the wall.

“Unless you’re planning to kill me right now, I think you should go,” said Katarina. “I don’t want to meet you again.”

“I was wrong,” said Maria, sounding so strange that Katarina could barely understand her. “But you’re wrong, too. I know there’s nothing I can say to make you believe me, but maybe one day I’ll prove it to you.”

Katarina sat on the chair in the pantry until long after the sound had faded from the retreating footsteps and felt nothing at all.

As she slowly walked back towards her next class, her mind blank, she barely registered the figure in front of her.

“Are you hurt?” said Jeord. “Has someone hurt you?”

“Why,” said Katarina exhausted and wanting nothing more than to curl up and sleep for a week, “does it matter to you?”

There was a long silence.

“I’m sorry,” said Jeord. “You were right when you talked to me about what I said about you, about taking your place in society and… other things. I didn’t understand. I do now. I know it’s not worth much now, but I am sorry.”

“Just,” he took a deep breath, “can you please be careful? You look after everyone else first and-”

He stopped, visibly holding back his words and shook his head. “I know I have no right to say anything to you, but I just…”

He closed his eyes. “Take care, Katarina.”

With a wave of his hand, he walked off into the distance, the gold chain on his wrist flashing in the sunlight.

Katarina stared after him and tried to ignore the strange sour feeling deep inside her.

Badly shaken, Katarina spent most of the rest of her day in a daze.

She tried not to think about the look in Jeord’s eyes.

She tried not to think about the knowledge about Jeord that she didn’t want to have.

She tried not to put any of the increasingly uncomfortable pieces together.

In the end, Katarina couldn’t sleep.

After staring blankly at the ceiling for longer than she wanted to admit, she begrudgingly acknowledged what she was going to have to do.

Unfortunately, even as careful as she was when she rose from the bed, it was enough to wake Keith, who immediately opened his eyes, a look of concern on his face.

“Don’t worry,” said Katarina, lightly squeezing Keith’s hand. “I’m just going to take a short walk to clear my head.”

“Need me?” said Keith blinking.

“Not for this,” said Katarina.

“B’careful,” mumbled Keith.

“Always,” said Katarina, lying through her teeth.

It wasn’t that she wanted to put herself in danger, but there was absolutely no way she was going to let Keith or anyone else know what she was actually doing.

“Keep watching the room,” she said to the air when she exited the door.

She realized with a queer thrill of surprise that this was really the first time she was going to abuse her family status to get something at the Academy. Because if she was caught, she was going to need every inch of her family power to get herself out of the situation.

Katarina made it to the boys’ dormitory entirely unnoticed and stared at the wall of the building with an expression of seething resentment.

All she needed to do was see if Jeord was in his room and once she knew that he was safely sleeping she could make that terrible feeling go away and she could sleep.

Katarina ignored the fact that she knew where Jeord’s room was.

She was up the wall in seconds, her only tiny problem occurring when her gaze met the startled one of Sirius Dieke who was descending the wall at the same time she was ascending towards Jeord’s window.

“You didn’t see me,” they said simultaneously and simultaneously shut their mouths and continued on their way.

Katarina wasn’t sure whether or not she was surprised when it became obvious that Jeord wasn’t in his room.

Lord Sirius was gone by the time she had descended and Katarina stood there for a long moment taking deep breaths.

She wasn’t Jeord’s keeper.

She wasn’t.

She was not responsible for keeping him safe.

Katarina had promised the Queen.

With a frustrated groan, Katarina clenched her fists and stomped off towards the edges of the Academy grounds, wishing with all her heart that she didn’t know the Third Prince as well as she thought she did.

There were some practice areas and large open spaces for practicing more dangerous magic. Obviously, Jeord was going to be off somewhere being moody and fighting himself.

Katarina ignored her growing sense of dread as she drew closer to the grounds.

Well, he was fighting.

Katarina wasn’t sure what she expected when she entered the grounds but Jeord and what appeared to be a small crowd of assassins was not it.

That didn’t even get into what Jeord was doing in response to the aggressive attempts on his life.

“Is he trying to duel them?” said Katarina in disbelief.

“This is perfect,” said Katarina 7 (death by Jeord’s valet). “If we aren’t the actual murderers, we can’t set any of the terrifying people associated with Jeord after us. And we no longer have to worry about any of the direct Jeord deaths!”

To Katarina’s surprise, the rest of the Council seemed to be nodding, even if reluctantly in some cases. There was only one person who wasn’t and before Katarina could really process who it was, she realized that she was running out of time to make a decision.

Or rather, she realized that the decision had been made for her.

There is no thought involved.

Her body has already made the decision her mind refuses to make.

Katarina is running, she is pulling out the blade she keeps strapped under her dress, she is sprinting towards a group of assassins attempting to take out a single unprotected princeling.

She is an idiot.

She nails the first one with the hilt of her blade and he goes down like a sack of flour. The others have noticed her now, but she has achieved her objective and penetrated the circle.

“Back to back and keep moving,” she snarls at the other idiot and, to her considerable surprise, he listens.

She slices the back of the knees of a second would-be assassin, bashing his temples while he is distracted, and he too goes down.

In the strange moment when the world slows down, she wonders what it would have been like to dance with Jeord because he responds to her movements like he is an extension of her arms, of her own confused fury.

“You know,” says Jeord conversationally as he parries the knife blade aimed for his throat, “generally the sharp end is used to stick into things.”

“Yes,” says Katarina, “and then you have a sharp end buried in flesh and bone. You get to do that once per fight. How good are you at counting, your highness?”

She’s already disabled a third and knocked him unconscious when Jeord sucks in a breath of air in what she knows is realization. She wonders what on earth his instructors were teaching him. Luckily, he hasn’t stuck anyone yet, but she has a sudden dizzying realization of what would have happened if she hadn’t come for him.

These are not high-quality assassins and Katarina briefly wonders why there are here and acting so openly, but the remaining potential murderers are much stronger than the ones she’s removed.

They need to get to better ground.

Ideally they’d run, but Katarina has no confidence in their current ability to escape.

“Follow my lead,” Katarina hisses at Jeord and he obediently moves with her as she tries to press towards a better prospect at the edge of the lawn.

Then the idiot decides to play hero.

Katarina is perfectly capable of fending off lower level ruffians coming at her with blades, but obviously Jeord doesn’t think so as he steps forward to engage the man charging at her leaving himself exposed and Katarina watches the other assassin move into the open space, come up in Jeord’s blind spot with raised blade-

Katarina doesn’t hesitate.

She leaps at Jeord, tackling him as the knife takes a piece of his hair rather than his neck and they roll and Katarina rolls that so that she is surrounding him so that she is a shield between him and the world and they stop rolling and Katarina rises instantly her muscles smarter than her head as she avoids the knife that barely misses her shoulder as she pushes Jeord’s fallen shape behind her and she knocks the assassin backwards by instinct, slicing his tendons as he rolls away from her.

She pulls Jeord backwards creating space, buying time. The remaining assassins are at a short distance and she has bought herself seconds or maybe minutes, depending on their level of caution.

She pushes Jeord behind her as she hovers protectively in front of him, her blade and teeth bared.

Her death approaches and Katarina is calm. At least she’ll be in good company with all of the other Katarinas who died for Jeord.

“I’ll distract them,” she says out of the corner of her mouth. “So run, you idiot.”

“Someday,” says Jeord and she can’t see him, but his voice sounds almost wistful, “you will find a sweet term of endearment for me.”

As Katarina stares down the approaching group of stronger, smarter assassins, she grimly thinks through her lessons on how to make her death as costly as poss-

Although maybe not as painful as a wall of fire.

A giant wall of fire in a straight line between her and the assassins.

There are screams and then silence and the flames rise higher, move closer, and Katarina wraps herself around Jeord as if she could somehow shield him from the approaching inferno with her body and he says her name so softly she can barely hear over it over the flame and Katarina closes her eyes.

When she opens her eyes again, Katarina isn’t dead.

Katarina lets go of Jeord and he falls limply to the ground.

She turns around and sucks in a sharp breath.

The wall of fire is gone and so are the assassins, including the ones that Katarina had disabled.

Jeord is pale and sweating and breathing shallowly as he lies unconscious.

“I,” says Katarina, as she buries her head in her hands, “am an idiot.”

“Why,” she says as she takes a deep breath and gently begins to clean Jeord, to check him for injuries, “is it always you?”

And the world begins to move on its new pathway.

Jeord was fine.

Of course he was fine.

He was exhausted, had obviously overexerted himself, and refused to open his eyes while making pathetic moaning noises, but he was fine.

He didn’t even have any injuries!

Katarina had checked thoroughly.

She was erasing all memories of that process from her head, but she definitely remembered that there weren’t any injuries.

The assassins were either burned or in retreat and, based on the lack of charred bodies, Katarina assumed they had all removed themselves. In the meantime, Katarina had managed to half-carry, half-drag Jeord into a more defensible location.

This gave her a few precious seconds to do the most vital thing on her current List of Important Actions.

“I,” said Katarina glaring at the assembled Council members, “hate all of you.”

She couldn’t believe that after all their warnings, all their self-righteous posturing that-

“This, this disaster must be your influence,” said Katarina staring at each of the members of the Council in turn.

The Council members all looked at one another and then back at Katarina.

“No, we were pretty clear that you should leave him to die, actually,” said Katarina 11.

That was impossible.

That couldn’t be the truth, because that would mean-

“I don’t!” said Katarina in panic. “I don’t love Jeord!”

“No,” said Katarina 20, her tone of voice one Katarina had never heard before. “But apparently you’ve adopted him.”

“Katarina?” said a soft, weak voice and Katarina’s eyes snapped open.

She looked down at the pale, exhausted face of the Jeord sprawled across her lap and tried very hard not to start screaming.

“Are you able to move on your own?” said Katarina, trying to regain some control of the situation. “We cannot stay here. I can report to-”

“No reporting,” snapped Jeord, who then winced in visible pain. “My political weakness is already too widely known. Reporting will make it a point of public discussion.”

The brutality of his honesty made something in Katarina hurt.

She ignored it.

“I haven’t been able to find any traces of poison entry, but if I have missed something, we need to deal with it immediately.”

“So that’s why my clothing is so disheveled,” mused Jeord.

“I tried to ask,” said Katarina through gritted teeth and most of the blood in her body rushing to her cheeks, “but since you were unconscious and barely breathing, I thought it more important to keep you alive.”

Jeord looked up at her and all traces of teasing vanished. “I wasn’t poisoned. The reason why I didn’t use my magic for a giant wall of fire in the first place is the… cost of that kind of higher-level flame.”

Katarina blinked. “I had never realized that creating fire was such a costly magic.”

“Well,” said Jeord, “creating the fire isn’t the problem. Stopping the fire…”

“Oh…” said Katarina on a soft exhale. Earth bumps definitely didn’t cause that kind of problem.

“What I don’t understand,” said Katarina, genuinely puzzled by the situation, “was why you didn’t just create some smaller distraction flames and run as soon as you saw the assassins. The first rule of fighting multiple people is not to fight multiple people. You aren’t that far from the main buildings – you could have escaped.”

“Well,” said Jeord, shakily lifting himself into a sitting position and not quite meeting Katarina’s eyes, “I thought it would be fun. Life has been a little boring around here, you know?”

“You thought,” said Katarina, her voice completely even, “that it would be… fun.”

Jeord nodded, a strange glint in his eyes.

“You,” said Katarina, full of burning fury and resentment, “are completely incapable of keeping yourself safe.”

“You sound upset,” said Jeord, with a weak attempt at a smile.

“May I touch you?” said Katarina, sure her smile was closer to murderous than calming.

“Yes,” said Jeord, his voice barely more than a breath.

Katarina carefully grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled his head so that it was level with hers.

“I am furious,” said Katarina through bared teeth. “I am going to have to spend so much time. How can someone so smart be so stupid? You will be lucky if you survive my training at this rate.”

Jeord stared at her and the hope in his eyes made Katarina want to scream until her throat bled.

“Come on,” she said, letting go of his collar and pulling him roughly to his feet. “You better think of a way that I can explain this to my people or you’re not going to survive to the first lesson.”

“I’ll think of something,” said Jeord.

“After all,” he said, as a shaky but honest smile broke over his face, “I definitely have a lot to learn.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: The Third Complication (Summertime)

"How much of this,” said Katarina, staring down at Keith as he unconsciously wrapped himself around her in his sleep, “is my fault?”

“Well,” said Katarina 11 (death by Jeord’s guard captain) in a slow drawl, “you’re still alive and nearly managed to get the assassins that killed the other Katarinas to kill Jeord instead, so you’re doing well, sweetie!”

Katarina blinked in puzzlement. “But I stopped the assassins from killing Jeord? So they are still there and likely to go after me now.”

“Like I said,” said Katarina 11, taking a long swig from her flask before smiling a very sharp smile, “doing well, sweetie!”

“I know,” said Katarina 35 (death by choking on her own blood) in a tone of velvet menace as she raised an eyebrow at Katarina 11, “that we said we were going to be more supportive, but I am not entirely convinced that you are helping, my dear.”

Katarina was impressed that Katarina 11 managed to make a rude gesture and drain the flask at the same time.

“Look,” said Katarina 35, when it became obvious that Katarina 11 had no intentions of apologizing or adding any further commentary, “we’ve all tried making different choices and we’re all dead now, so at some point, sweetheart, you’re going to have to decide for yourself what you want to do. More importantly, even if you think you might have made a mistake, you’ll just have to keep going because the alternative is always death.”

It wasn’t exactly a rousing vote of confidence, but Katarina assumed that it was as much support as she was going to get and sank into a deep but troubled sleep.

When Katarina wakes, the world is on fire.

Katarina has no idea where she is or how she got there, but all around her is a raging inferno, a room full of flame.

She staggers to her feet, her obviously drugged motions slow and clumsy as she tries to make her way towards a wall and a potential exit.

The door is burning so brightly she can’t approach it and she can see glimmers of a chain and lock through the flames.

How had it been barred from the inside?

There are windows, but they are of the ancient kind, thin and narrow- designed to prevent invaders from entering. Even at her most desperate, she can’t use them to escape.

She stares out the closest window, trying to adjust her eyes to the light and determine where she is and how she might escape.

The face of her father stares back at her through the flames.

Katarina woke with a start, her breath coming in ragged gasps.

She could feel the fire licking at her feet, see her fa-

It was dark.

Keith was still asleep and Katarina was covered in a fine layer of sweat and shaking like a leaf in the wind.

“What,” she hissed at the Council, “was that?”

Most of the Council moved backwards, as a single figure stepped forward, her back rigidly straight.

“Fire,” Katarina 36 (death by Father) said softly. “The beginning of being burned alive.”

“Why?” said Katarina, too shaken to ask anything more complicated.

“There’s a reason,” said Katarina 37 (death by Mother) as she stepped forward and placed her hand on Katarina 36’s shoulder, “that those of us who were the most traumatized have waited to take our place on the Council and speak with you.”

“It’s not just our trauma that has kept us quiet,” said Katarina 36 in a tone of raw pain. “It’s yours.”

She closed her eyes. “Some of us have better control than others but the more we… detach, the more we can keep our memories under control. If we get too involved and we aren’t able to suppress our past-”

“I wind up living through it again,” said Katarina softly, starting to put the pieces together. “But it’s getting worse now that I’m getting older anyways, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” said Katarina 36. “Barring Katarina 35, the Katarinas killed by the hands of the men were the oldest and strongest of their kind, but some of us represent less… frequent deaths and we simply do not have the control that the superior Katarinas have.”

She opened her eyes and the expression was so bleak that Katarina shivered in response. “We couldn’t wait any longer to speak with you, but I promise that we waited for as long as we could. I’ll work harder to keep the images under control.”

“Well,” said Katarina uneasily, trying to lighten the heaviness sitting over them, “at least it wasn’t dying in a chocolate fountain?”

Katarina 16 (death by chocolate fountain) rolled her eyes and mumbled, “Not you, too.”

Katarina 36 managed a weak smile and moved back into the cloaked mass of Council members, still leaning on Katarina 37.

“Well,” said Katarina, desperate to not think too hard about what had just happened, “at least my day can’t get any worse.”

As it turned out, it was a poor idea to make predictions that a day was as bad as it could possibly be when the day hadn’t even reached sunrise.

The first indication that perhaps her day was not going to be better than her night came when Katarina accompanied a very grumpy and tired-looking Keith to class. She’d thought she’d been Very Careful about all of her getting in and out of bed and nightmares, but obviously Keith’s sleep had been affected by hers.

Both of them being tired made the paranoia worse rather than better and Katarina had to physically prevent Keith from growling at a short flush-faced boy who had nearly bumped into Katarina. Luckily Keith had calmed right down when she’d placed a hand over his mouth and told him that he’d get a reward if he was a good boy. Katarina was very proud of the effective results of her years of training. It was good to see a plan come together.

It was maybe the last thing that pleased Katarina that day.

Katarina was used to hearing murmurs in the hallway as she passed. Even without overhearing Jeord and… Maria’s conversation, she had heard snippets of gossip about her situation since she’d started the Academy. It was unusual though to have the voices be so loud, so urgent, and so not focused on her.

“-said there were at least twenty assassins!” said one of the girls, her eyes wide. “They were coming to slaughter us all but were beaten back by the campus protectors.”

Katarina froze in place, listening more intently to the conversation, even as Keith turned to stare at her inquisitively.

“I heard,” said the other girl, her nose in the air, “that they were sent because the lower classes don’t want the most powerful students to grow up and live to be their leaders. That’s why they were so easy for the guards to beat back- they were all filthy commoners.”

“Well I heard,” said a boy with a raised eyebrow, “that some of the more rural nobility are using the commoners to get more power over those of us with more political power who are attending the Academy. How would commoners be clever enough to attack us in the first place if nobles weren’t directing them?”

“Does that mean that they’ll come for us again?” said a wide-eyed boy, ringing his hands in front of them. “Someone was nearly killed last night – it’s all over the school. Who’s going to be next?”

Katarina frowned, even as she felt her blood turn to ice. Where was this information coming from? Not only was it incorrect, but she was positive that she and Jeord had been the only people from the Academy who had been on that part of the grounds the previous night and their names weren’t even being ment-

Katarina’s eyes widened.

“Katarina,” said Keith, his beautiful eyes somehow much more beautiful than normal, “is there something you would like to tell me?”

Since there was, in fact, not anything Katarina particularly wanted to tell Keith, the rest of her day with him was very awkward and only made worse by what she realized she needed to do after class.

She’d barely managed to convince all of her deeply agitated people to let her “go to the library and grab a resource” and that she would then meet them on one of the more private training grounds, when Jeord himself fell into line beside her.

“I think,” said Jeord, with an obvious attempt at a charming smile and amusement in his voice, “that I don’t presume too much to assume that all that effort was to meet with me, do I?”

Katarina wondered if it was actually too late to murder him and looked over at him speculatively.

Jeord swallowed as he met her gaze and began turning that gold chain on his wrist very rapidly.

“Come with me,” said Katarina shortly. “Let’s get this over with so I can start training you how to not get murdered. May I touch you?”

Jeord’s eyes grew, if possible, even wider but all Katarina watched was his abrupt nod since his tongue seemed to not be working properly.

She grabbed the hand with the chain if only to get him to stop playing with that stupid piece of gold and dragged him along behind her. She ignored the stares and exclamations as she moved past, grimly pleased that the rumours would prevent anyone from guessing the truth of her actions. She only stopped when they were in the copse of trees directly in front of the field where she could see her people gathered.

“Now remember,” said Katarina, “if you hurt any of my people, I will give you such pain that you will never forget it.”

Katarina could have sworn he said something like, “That’s not exactly a disincentive, ” but decided that she either misunderstood or misheard him.

Seizing his hand once again, she strode forward, watching her people freeze in place as she moved in front of them.

Well, it wasn’t as if she needed to do much of an introduction anyways.

Katarina held up Jeord’s hand. “This is Jeo-”

“No,” said Mary.

“No,” said Keith.

“Absolutely not,” said Sophia, wielding a frightening-looking piece of metal.

Alan and Nicol exchanged glances.

“May we speak with our colleagues?” said Alan, his most cunning and charismatic smile on his face.

Katarina was so dizzy that she barely even realized that she had nodded yes.

Jeord cocked his head as he watched Katarina’s people huddle together, occasionally gesturing at the two of them. Katarina was mostly wondering how Sophia had managed not to hit anyone with that piece of metal when Jeord suddenly spoke.

“Are they always like that?” Jeord said in a tone of voice Katarina had never heard before and couldn’t find in the Council memories.

“Like what?” said Katarina, reluctant to show her confusion but unsure how to answer.

“Never mind,” said Jeord after a short pause, and even as Katarina rolled her eyes at his hot and cold interest, she noticed that he didn’t stop staring at the group of people busily arguing with one another.

Finally, some agreement seemed to have been reached, because Nicol and Alan led everyone back to Katarina and Jeord, Mary in particular looking deeply unhappy behind them.

“We understand,” said Alan, his clever political skills evident in the way he casually elbowed Mary when it looked like she might say something, “that you always have excellent reasons for why you do things, Katarina. So why don’t you tell us why you’re bringing my brother into this situation?”

Considering he’s the reason you’re in this mess in the first place hissed someone behind him although Katarina couldn’t really tell who.

“Keith,” said Katarina, taking a deep breath and trying to work out the best way to win her people over to something that she had to do, with or without their support, “you were right that there was something I needed to tell you and to tell everyone. There was an incident last night when I went out for a walk where I encountered Jeord and the assassins the school has been talking about all day and-”

Katarina decided that telling them that she only got into danger because Jeord was an idiot who decided to fight off an army of assassins by himself and she couldn’t leave him to die was probably not going to help her case. There was still a truth she could tell, as irritated as it made her.

“He saved my life,” said Katarina reluctantly. “Again.”

“After,” said Jeord with a cheerful smile, “putting her life in danger in the first place.”

“What are you doing?” hissed Katarina, staring at Jeord in open astonishment.

“Trust me,” said Jeord and it was so strangely, intensely sincere that Katarina almost wanted to trust him until he gave her a hugely exaggerated and inappropriate wink.

She would have said something else, but Mary had him on the ground in a chokehold and she wasn’t sure whether Jeord was able to breathe enough to hear it.

Apparently he could breathe though, because his voice was faint but clear. “Get it out of your systems. Do what you need to do. I can’t change any of what I’ve done, but you’ll need every piece of political support you can get to stop the assassination attempts and I have skills that could help.”

“Perhaps we do need more help, but why,” said Keith cocking his head, every inch of his body tensed, “do we need you?”

“Because,” said Jeord, Mary having obviously loosened her grip enough for him to speak at a normal volume, “I can tell you where the attacks will occur and when.”

“What,” said Alan, his slightly amused face changing to one of pure ice, “precisely are you saying, brother?”

“I’m saying,” said Jeord, suddenly free from Mary’s grip and rising to his feet, “that if you hadn’t all been so focused on minute-by-minute surveillance, you would have realized the bigger picture. Someone’s trying to destabilize the aristocracy and Mother’s using Katarina as bait to draw them out.”

“Well yes,” said Katarina, puzzled. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

Everyone spun to stare at her and Katarina was reminded uncomfortably of the Council circling her.

“You,” said Alan slowly, “knew that Mother was using you as bait? To draw out the people trying to set the nobles against one another?”

“Well, I probably took more time to realize it than you did,” said Katarina, smiling at Alan’s genius and how kind he was being about her slowness. “I mean, why else would everyone know I’m not actually engaged, but still tied to all of the potential heirs? It means I’m a big prize but without any formalized protection. It’s obviously an attempt to make me more murderable, as I keep saying. The assassination attempt just proves that she was right about someone stirring up trouble and that, if I’m not bait, they’ll go for her sons.”

“And you’re not,” said Alan, his eyes piercing, “…angry?”

Katarina shrugged. “She would never have been able to do this if I had effective protectors. I understand that she’s just taking advantage of an opportunity.”

“Look,” said Katarina, a little uneasy with the expressions on the faces of her people, “the Queen isn’t pretending she cares for me. She really loves you and Jeord though. I could learn a lot from her about how to protect my people.”

“Gods,” said Alan, his face and lips disturbingly pale as he sunk to the ground and slumped over his bent legs.

“Turns out,” said Keith coolly, his hands clenched so hard in fists that Katarina could see his flesh turning white, “that we don’t need your information, Prince. So what do you have to offer?”

“That was,” said Jeord dryly, casually moving so that he was blocking the sight of Alan with his head buried in his arms, and pointedly looking at Katarina rather than Keith, “how I was going to convince your merry band of wild animals to tolerate me, Katarina. It’s too bad that we’re going to have to use my back-up plan where you and I pretend to get eng-”

Katarina raised an eyebrow.

“Or not,” said Jeord swallowing hard, as he reached for the golden chain on his wrist. “I’m sure you have a much better alternative.”

“This is Jeord,” said Katarina, already feeling the headache forming as she gestured towards him. “If I don’t train him, he will get himself killed and the Queen will kill me. Please help me avoid being unnecessarily murdered.”

“Probably should have opened with that,” said Mary. “I would love to train Prince Jeord.”

“Little cat does need someone to use for target practice,” said Sophia thoughtfully as she tapped the strange piece of metal against her chin.

“I should have known,” said Jeord so softly Katarina was sure she was the only one to hear him, “that you would know exactly what to say to win your point.”

Katarina ignored Jeord and his bizarre rambling. She was much more interested in the other speakers. She wasn’t sure who Sophia’s little cat was, but she was overwhelmed with a strange feeling for her Lady Friends. They were always so willing to step in and support her, and she smiled at them with all the force of that feeling.

“Or,” said Jeord, even more softly, “you could have just looked at them and not spoken at all.”

Before Katarina could think too much on his words, Nicol stepped forward, his gaze sharp as he stared at both her and Jeord. Katarina felt the hairs on her neck rise under his regard.

“Now that we have settled what is to happen,” Nicol said, his voice even, “perhaps we could hear more about how you were nearly assassinated, Katarina, and what role, exactly, Jeord played in the process?”

“Yes,” said Mary stepping forward and looking very much like she wanted to test another chokehold on Jeord, “do let’s discuss this most recent assassination attempt.”

“The assassination was for me,” said Jeord. “Katarina generously came to my rescue when she saw me surrounded by a crowd of incompetent assassins.”

Katarina grit her teeth and wondered if she could shove an earth bump somewhere uncomfortable on Jeord’s person.

For Art.

“You do take the most interesting short walks to clear your head,” Keith drawled, his arms crossed and his hands clenched so tightly they were turning white from the pressure.

Before Katarina wilted under that steely look of betrayal, Nicol gently placed a hand on her arm and continued speaking as if Keith had said nothing at all.

“And why,” he said, asking the question that Katarina had wanted to know, “were you targeted by the assassins in the first place?”

“Well,” said Jeord with a shrug, “mostly because I was trying to bait them into appearing to see if the pattern I’d hypothesized for their appearance held. I thought they wouldn’t be able to resist a Stuart prince constantly off practicing by himself at night. I wanted to determine if I had correctly modeled the times I thought they would come to create chaos.”

Katarina felt an immense headache building behind her temples and, for once, was sure it had nothing to do with the Council. She didn’t even ask why he had done it. The phrase The world is boring floated through her head as the defining phrase of every Jeord in the Council memories.

“Did it occur to you,” she said, wondering if it really would be murder if she just… choked him with his golden chain, “that it would be useful to bring support when confronting a crowd of assassins, no matter how incompetent?”

“Well,” said Jeord with a smile that Katarina suspected he thought was charming, “you came, didn’t you?”

Mary let out a noise that implied imminent death and Sophia casually caught her with the strange piece of metal that apparently was more like a hook than a torture device.

“You can’t do that, Mary,” Sophia said with a large smile-

-and Katarina was relieved that at least one of her Lady Friends understood the political ramifications of murdering the potential crown prince.

“He hasn’t played with little cat yet,” said Sophia, her smile somehow terrifying in its width.

Katarina was still staring in uncomfortable awe at the dazzling princess when Nicol’s hand gently squeezed her arm and he continued with that gentle, terrifying focus that made him the best assistant in the world.

“So ignoring your efforts to involve Katarina in your testing,” said Nicol in a voice that implied he had no intention of ignoring those efforts at some later date, “what patterns did you notice that you planned to test?”

Something that almost looked like respect passed through Jeord’s eyes so quickly Katarina wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it.

“There have been regular disturbances on the periphery of the Academy,” said Jeord. “I discovered the signs of unusual entry when I was dealing with some of my more… enthusiastic ‘supporters’. Every time I noticed the entries, there were strange rumours in the Academy the day after.”

He paused, smiling the smile of a man who had found himself a good puzzle and was savouring it like a fine meal. Katarina was a little uneasy how easily that knowledge came to her head, years of Council experience making Jeord almost eerily transparent to read.

Jeord continued in a disturbingly enthusiastic tone of voice. “I discovered, by careful checking of the regular points of entry, that the intrusions were occurring at regular intervals and I was sure that they must be linked to some kind of schedule of something at the school-”

“I believe,” said Nicol calmly, “that this is where your expertise would be useful, wouldn’t it, Alan?”

“There are supposed to be security forces surrounding the school,” said Alan, furiously sketching on a piece of paper. “Some of the best security forces in the world are supposed to be looking after the country’s most valuable resources. It’s one of the only reasons some of the families agree to send their children here.”

“There’s no way,” said Keith, his lips tightening, “that they would let in a single incompetent assassin, much less an entire crowd.”

“Exactly,” said Alan, his smile sharp.

“Mary,” he said, in a slow drawl. “Security forces are provided by the people who run the school. Who runs the school?”

“What an excellent question,” purred Mary. “Theoretically, the Academy is a joint venture between the Stuarts, the aristocracy, and the Ministry of Magic. The founding document that I borrowed clearly outlined the expected power distribution.”

Nicol smiled and it was terrifying. “That of course is the theory, but even with the work of people like my father, the reach of the Royal family has been sharply curtailed over the last twenty years and they have had to make concessions.”

Sophia spun her piece of metal between her fingers idly, her eyes sharp. “As much as the nobility would have liked to fill that vacuum, their competing interests have made it hard for them to organize, much less to take over the vacant power structures. There are endless documents on this. They seem to have mainly compensated for their impotence by producing secret babies.”

“So,” said Katarina, “the Ministry of Magic wants all of the future power brokers of the country to think that they are under direct attack by an unknown force. Isn’t that interesting?”

Alan held up his piece of paper triumphantly showing a strange series of interlocking triangles with a large eye in the center, a series of red lines connecting all of them. “They are connected to everything and always watching! It makes perfect sense!”

As everyone congratulated Alan and complimented him on his planning, Katarina realized that one person was frozen in place, obviously overwhelmed by Alan’s charisma and cunning.

“How…” said Jeord. “To come up with all the correct information and then…”

“Brilliant aren’t they?” said Katarina proudly. “My people are the best.”

Jeord had wandered off, a slightly dazed look on his face, before Katarina could continue her praise for her brilliant people. She had no idea why the Ministry of Magic was trying to damage the aristocracy, but at least she knew who was one of her murder sources. She was so buoyed by the idea that, finally, she was starting to understand where some of her problems were coming from that she floated through the rest of the day, only brought down to earth when she started to get ready for bed and realized that Keith was avoiding her.

For one terrifying moment, Katarina thought Keith was actually going to go sleep on the low sofa in their bedroom, but after standing still for a long time, he slowly and carefully got into bed.

Once in bed though, he lay like a plank of wood, staring up at the ceiling and not sparing the slightest glance for Katarina.

“Are you mad at me?” Katarina said, furious at herself for how openly vulnerable her voice sounded. Her relationships were all strictly for mutual benefit! She had no right to be ups-

“I’m not mad at you,” said Keith, his gaze averted, even as his arm reached out and Katarina sank into his side in abject relief.

“I’m not mad at you,” Keith continued in an odd, flat tone of voice, “because you don’t lie. You never lie. You just never say the things that are important.”

Katarina froze suddenly, even as Keith pulled her more tightly against him.

“And I don’t care,” said Keith, still in that odd, flat tone, “because it means that I get to stay beside you.”

“So, Katarina?” he said and the fear in his voice made her heart ache. “Don’t make me regret not caring about what you don’t say.”

It was, Katarina thought numbly, staring up at the ceiling as Keith slept restlessly beside her, only fitting that Keith was capable of making her feel worse than the knowledge that she was about to burn alive.

“I can’t keep doing this forever,” she said softly to the ceiling.

“No,” said Katarina 16, equally softly. “You can’t.”

Much like nearly everything else in her life that didn’t directly involve preventing murder, Katarina was forced to push back her complicated feelings about Keith’s unhappiness and deal with the newest complication to her planning.

It turned out that the students at the Academy weren’t the only ones that heard about the rumours about the crowd of incompetent assassins.

Jeord showed up to their first training session with a face like a thundercloud and two obviously adult men in Academy uniform trailing behind him, one of them with squeaky boots.

“Did your er… friends,” said Kat, trying not to stare, “not succeed academically for several years in a row?”

Jeord actually growled as he stormed over to where Mr. Knife was standing with a single raised eyebrow.

“Let’s start the training,” said Jeord with a smile that was mostly teeth. “I feel like hitting things.”

As Mr. Knife cheerfully demolished Jeord, Katarina was able to determine through her Subtle questioning that the two men were reinstated guards for Jeord, including one that she suspected was the original possessor of the Squeaky Boots of Jeord Avoidance.

“We’re fully incognito, ma’am,” said Squeaky Boots proudly. “Just completely ordinary students who will completely ordinarily destroy anything that troubles Prince Jeord.”

Privately, Katarina suspected that she knew why Jeord was in such a fury. No more hypothesis testing for the Queen’s most easily bored son and Katarina mentally gave her a nod of appreciation.

“It’s not,” Jeord complained during a short break, “as if the assassins were aimed at me anyways. They weren’t even really trying to hurt me until you showed up. How do you think I held them off for that long anyways?”

“Are you implying,” said Katarina her voice that deceptively calm tone that everyone except Jeord knew heralded imminent destruction, “that I am at fault for the assassination attempt?”

Jeord’s eyes had widened and he’d swayed on the spot just long enough for Katarina to signal to Mr. Knife to… increase the intensity of Jeord’s training which he’d done with a decidedly savage glee. Obviously if Jeord could still talk, he wasn’t working his other muscles hard enough.

Once Katarina forced down her desire to take on Jeord’s training herself until he wasn’t able to do anything but beg for mercy, she turned what he’d said over in her mind. She’d suspected that there had been more than one strange thing about the attempt, but she still felt as if she was missing something frustratingly obvious.

She was still turning that thought over in her mind when she realized an important duty that she had forgotten in all the excitement.

“Oh gods,” said Katarina, burying her head in her hands as she sat at her writing desk, “what on earth am I going to put in my letter?”

Long after Keith had gone to bed, Katarina wracked her brain for what to write to the Queen. How could she possibly discuss Jeord’s and Alan’s safety without compromising their trust in her?

Then she thought about Jeord’s two new guards who were posing as much younger boys attending the Academy and an old descriptive word that she’d always wanted to use and never had a chance. Surely this would make the Queen happy and protect Katarina’s people!

To the risen sun whose light provides glory to Sorcier, wrote Katarina.

You gave Jeord a very nice pair of boobs. I think they work well for him.

In the warmth of the reflected glory of the throne, I remain your respectful servant,

Katarina of House Claes

Katarina received a reply from the Queen much faster than her previous letters, although it was even less informative than even the previous cryptic statements.

Katarina was starting to wonder if the Queen was writing in code. Of course the mother of the Cunning Alan would use strange phrases like “If that’s what it takes” to indicate that Katarina was supposed to do… something?

Katarina was left even more confused when Jeord approached her, a queer expression on his face.

“What did you write to Mother?” he said urgently.

“A letter?” said Katarina, her eyes wide.

“Just… a letter?” said Jeord.

“A polite letter?” Katarina clarified, even more baffled by the whole conversation.

“She wrote to me and praised me for my excellent tactical planning,” said Jeord. “Mother never praises me.”

Jeord executed a very graceful bow, looking up at her from under his eyelashes.

“Thank you,” he said fervently.

Katarina had only escaped from his gratitude by virtue of Keith and Mary escorting her to class.

It was however not the only strange or confusing aspect of her day.

After Katarina had settled into a restless sleep, she’d seen a glowing portal of light in her mind and found herself drifting towards it, without her thought or control.

As she peered into it, another strangely familiar face with bright eyes peered back up at her.

“Hello,” said the girl. “I’m so glad you aren’t dead yet.”

It was a strange feeling to stare into a face that Katarina could swear that she knew and feel utterly safe even as the girl implied that she knew far more than she should have.

“What do you know?” said Katarina urgently. “Why do you think that I’m at risk of dying?”

The girl stared at her as a frown slowly replaced her smile.

“They promised me,” said the girl. “Did they send-”

Her voice went inaudible for a second, but Katarina had a strong feeling she knew what the bright-eyed girl was asking. After all, what was the one thing she had been sent?

And sent.

And sent.

“You don’t mean the cabbages, do you?” said Katarina, deeply suspicious and now even more paranoid than before.

“Cabbages?” said the girl, blinking. “Would that have worked? Cabbages are great, so perhaps that would work.”

Katarina stared at her in open horror.

“Cabbages are great?” she said, disbelief coating every word.

“Absolutely,” said the girl, pounding her fist into her palm. “Granny always used to say that tending to the fields was much like speaking to the earth, so if you’re growing cabbages, maybe you’ll be able to get the earth to help you!”

“Why,” said Katarina in complete puzzlement, “would I want more cabbages?”

“Well,” said the girl, “you could always use them to-”

-and then Katarina was spinning backwards and the light was fading and her head ached.

“Why,” said Katarina when she woke the next morning, “does my mouth taste of cabbages?”

“Obviously,” said Katarina 5 (death by giant pile of cabbage), “they are trying to trick you in your sleep. Never trust cabbages!”

It wasn’t that Katarina disagreed but she somehow felt like there was something beyond cabbages, something brave and bright that faded long before the taste of cabbages disappeared.

It was unsettling to have strange dreams about cabbage, but it was even more unsettling to be so close to realizing that the Academy had external forces trying to cause problems and not know what to do about it or whether or not to involve herself in the situation.

“If they’re not directly aimed at murdering you, why do you care?” said Katarina 11 with a shrug.

Katarina didn’t necessarily disagree, but privately she thought that every time someone tried to do something to cause problems it seemed to end in attempting to murder her so maybe it would have been better to get out in front of the possible violent death.

Since she didn’t really have anything that she could do immediately about it even if she wanted to, she forced herself to attempt to relax by helping Nicol with his Nuances.

It meant that she didn’t actually have to attend the Council itself or see Maria, but it was also a useful task on its own.

She was learning so much about relationships from the advice column!

Who knew that there were so many ways to break bones in people’s bodies if they touched other people without permission?

Still, sometimes people wrote inappropriate questions.

“I can’t believe that someone asked you about the difference between a rabbit and a plum,” said Katarina, frowning as she walked with Nicol towards the school entrance. “You were far too kind when you agreed to answer them.”

“Well,” said Nicol with a shrug, “it didn’t cost me anything to say that they are both purple.”

He took a long pause.

“Except for the rabbit.”

Katarina burst into helpless howls of laughter, leaning against Nicol to prevent herself from falling over.

“How are you so funny?” she said, gasping for air. “It’s not fair!”

“They say that,” said Nicol with something that almost looked like a smirk, “shared humour is one of the most important parts of a successful relationship.”

Katarina’s face fell, even as she nodded. “That makes sense. Nobody finds me amusing.”

Nicol’s smile fell immediately and he tightened the supportive arm he’d placed around her to brace her. “Katarina-”

“Lady Katarina Claes!” said a short flush-faced boy who suddenly appeared in front of them. “As a representative of the Theatre Club, I am here to tell you that you will be taken to account for your attempts to-”

He suddenly stopped his words, his eyes impossibly wide as he seemed to meet Nicol’s gaze. Letting out a strange “meep”, he turned and fled in the opposite direction.

“Interesting,” said Nicol, as he watched the boy flee with a strangely intense look on his face. “The Theatre Club? Perhaps I need to do some investigation.”

“You are the best assistant,” said Katarina cheerfully. “The absolute best.”

The way soft pink descended from the tips of Nicol’s ears probably counted as Art, she decided. Since the examiners had given her such excellent marks, Katarina had decided that she was definitely someone who could tell when something was Art.

She was so absorbed in Nicol as Art project, that she barely even noticed that they’d reached the entrance and needed to part ways before Nicol had already waved at her and strode off towards his next class.

Before Katarina could do the same, a sharp-faced platinum-blonde girl materialized out of the shrubbery.

“You certainly are busy, Lady Katarina,” she said coolly crossing her arms and looking up at her, “but I think we need to talk.”

It wasn’t that Katarina had forgotten about her favourite informant exactly. It was just that Katarina had been less interested in gossip when she was living the events that everyone was gossiping about.

“I’m not going to take much of your time,” said the girl, “but there are a few things that you need to know and this is the first time in a long time I’ve been able to catch you without your minders.”

“I appreciate your discretion,” Katarina said seriously and then froze, her eyes widening.

Had she really never-

“You don’t know my name, do you?” the sharp-faced girl said.

To Katarina’s considerable relief, she looked more amused than murderous, but Katarina decided not to push her luck by denying the truth. She shook her head sheepishly.

“Sienna Nelson,” said the platinum-blonde with a smirk. “Now you can stop panicking when it looks like you’ll need to address me.”

“Sienna?” said Katarina, “that’s an unusual name.”

Then her head felt like it was on fire.

Sienna? That’s an unusual name.

Imitating that stupid boy and batting your eyes was funny the first time. It was less funny the next thirteen times and now… Don’t you ever get tired of the same joke?

Why would I stop, darling, when I get such delicious results?

Katarina, you can’t always win the argument by… Oh gods.

“Wow,” said Katarina, her eyes wide. “I didn’t even know you could do that with a tongue. I have so much to learn!”

“You might,” said Katarina 35, looking unusually flustered, “want to use your tongue to speak to the person who is trying to get your attention.”

Reluctantly leaving this very interesting knowledge to explore later, Katarina refocused on the girl in front of her who almost looked… worried?

“You know,” said Sienna with a sharp voice and worried eyes, “sleep is not an optional activity, my lady.”

“Just call me Katarina,” said Katarina absently, amazed by her informer’s insight. She’d have to be very careful around someone so clever!

“Katarina then,” said Sienna easily, her voice softening slightly. “For someone who barely speaks to people who aren’t in your circle of friends or servants of the Academy, you’ve generated a lot of interest, not all of it good.”

Katarina raised an eyebrow, wondering when she planned to reveal something Katarina didn’t know.

Sienna smiled. “It might interest you to know that that the less high-ranked students in the dorm I was staying in were gossiping about the attempted assassination the night before it occurred. Unlike the gossip afterwards, your name was specifically mentioned as the target.”

Katarina felt a dizzy rush of blood spreading through her body like fire as all her excuses for avoiding the strange situation of the incompetent assassins vanished into ashes.

“Why are you telling me this?” said Katarina finally.

“I already told you,” said Sienna, averting her eyes, “I’m going to need a favour-”

“This goes,” said Katarina softly, “far beyond what any favour would be able to repay.”

“It’s a big favour,” said Sienna defensively before her shoulders sank.

“You can accomplish anything you want,” said Katarina. “You don’t need me to help you. You’re brilliant and smart and capable. So why are you risking yourself for me?”

“It really was supposed to be a favour at first,” Sienna said with a sigh. “You were the only person who I thought could help me and who was good enough to people who weren’t high-ranking nobles that you might actually agree to help. Then as I got to know you, your insistence on not learning my name aside…”

“Let’s just say,” said Sienna, with a queer twist of her mouth, “that I can imagine a world where I was one of the people who trailed in your wake and fought for a moment of your attention. Those kind of people are good for some things but they won’t necessarily tell you what you need to hear.”

Her smile was strangely sad. “Everybody needs a friend. Let me know if you ever want me to be yours.”

Before Katarina could even process that information, Sienna had casually waved at her and strode off into the distance.

“I’m not very good with friends,” Katarina said softly, to no one at all. “I don’t want to get hurt anymore.”

Then, even more softly, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Well,” she said, more loudly and cheerfully, “it’s very useful to have such a helpful informant. What was her name again?”

Somewhere, deep in the back of her mind, Katarina 35 slowly smiled a smile of deep satisfaction.

Katarina wasn’t sure how to deal with the ultimately unsurprising information that if there was murder going on it was most likely aimed at her very murderable face. She knew she needed to discuss it with her people, but somehow she just couldn’t find the right words and, before she knew it, the weekend arrived. Sophia had invited Katarina to meet her little cat and Katarina was desperately looking forward to playing with something sweet and non-murderous.

She was still in this desperately hopeful state of mind when Sophia re-directed her from the front of the Ascart manor and led her back to the shed where her streamplunk inventions were kept. The shed looked fairly similar except for the large set of white sheets cordoning off one side of the space.

“I’ve been thinking about ways to protect you for quite awhile,” said Sophia. “An alert isn’t enough. You obviously need active protection, but what I’ve been building wasn’t working.”

“So,” she said with a savage smile of glee, “I created something new.”

“I’d already figured out a way to make streamplunk wireless,” said Sophia, “but now I know how to make it energize itself. We can have creations that act mostly on their own!”

“This is a good thing?” said Katarina, blinking.

“Oh yes,” said Sophia. “Just take a look at this!”

Sophia waved her hand and a whirl of very dramatic wind blew away what appeared to be bedsheets-as-curtains to reveal-

“Sophia,” said Katarina hesitantly, “is that a spider?”

“No,” said Sophia vehemently.

She paused.

“Spiders have eight legs,” she said brightly.

“So,” said Katarina even more hesitantly, “this is a giant metal… not-spider.”

“I call her little cat,” said Sophia with wide, worshipful eyes. “She’s almost as beautiful as you are.”

No.

Not little cat.

Little Kat.

Suddenly, it made a lot more sense to Katarina as to why Sophia found Katarina beautiful.

Although, Katarina thought with a frown, she was sure she didn’t have quite that many… legs?

“Do I really look like a not-spider?” said Katarina, more than a little confused.

Sophia stared at her creation and frowned. “You’re right. I need to fix it.”

The next day, Sophia invited Katarina back to see Little Kat.

Katarina wasn’t sure if the giant squirrel’s head was an improvement.

She decided that she really didn’t want to see what happened if she said anything else.

This of course did not stop her from making the fatal mistake later that week of asking Sophia hesitantly, “So what exactly does Little Kat do?”

This, apparently, was a question that could only be answered by a hands-on demonstration.

Katarina wasn’t quite sure how she found herself alone in the woods on the Ascart estate with a not-spider methodically following after her, but she thought that she needed to realize that maybe there were some questions that didn’t need to be answered.

The problem was, as Katarina saw it, Sophia hadn’t quite explained how the demonstration was going to start. Obviously Sophia had planned to show Little Kat doing something, but one of her other inventions had started blowing huge gusts of wind and Sophia had been forced to stay behind to tend to it. She’d told Katarina to follow the path to the old lodge in the woods and wait for Sophia there with Little Kat, but Katarina was very nervous about whether or not Little Kat might decide to just start demonstrating on her own.

There was something incredibly eerie about the way Little Kat’s many legs moved so fluidly as she trotted along behind Katarina.

Every noise from the forest made Katarina jump, sure that Little Kat was going to do something that would provide Katarina with an entirely new murder possibility.

Just when it seemed that Katarina couldn’t get anymore paranoid, she heard a low growling sound and everything froze.

Katarina spins towards Little Kat, her eyes wide, and feels a flush of fear that makes all of her earlier paranoia seem like mild anxiety.

Little Kat is not the most terrifying creature inhabiting the Ascarts’ forest.

The growling, slavering dog behind her is.

Katarina knows that she should do something, that she should use her skills or fight or something, but she’s unable to move, unable to think, only able to let out a helpless, pathetic whimper.

Little Kat stops moving.

Little Kat turns on her nimble legs, a solid shape in between Katarina and the dog, her squirrel head slowly turning back and forth.

Suddenly Little Kat’s eyes turn brilliant red and began emitting an ominous glow.

Her squirrel mouth opens to reveal a terrifying maw of sheer black…

…and she lets out a high-pitched scream that seems able to flatten anything that is the subject of her rage.

The dog stops its charge.

The dog stares at Little Kat.

The dog lets out a terrified howl and runs off into the distance.

Katarina stands in place, blinking.

Little Kat’s eyes change back to a lighter red and she stops screaming, instead making a chirring noise that almost sounds triumphant.

Before Katarina can move or think, Little Kat shuffles over to Katarina on her many legs until she is merely a breath away from her…

…and presses her metal squirrel head into Katarina’s hand while making tinny chirping noises of affection.

The world begins to move.

Katarina suddenly found her eyes getting strangely damp.

Katarina had always wanted pets from the time she was a small child. It wasn’t that Keith wasn’t her best boy and a great pet but…

“Who’s a good little Kat?” cooed Katarina. “Who’s a good Katty?”

The Not-Spider butted her giant squirrel head against Katarina’s palm and Katarina was smiling so hard it hurt.

She was still smiling when Sophia came running towards her, out of breath and terrified.

“Katarina! Are you hurt? I heard the noises! Did Little Kat…”

She trailed off, obviously noticing the sheer perfection of Little Kat demanding scritches.

“She’s the best pet ever,” said Katarina with a breathy sigh, hoping guiltily that Keith never found out what she said.

“She’s not,” said Sophia staring at Katarina with the strangest look on her face, “she’s not supposed to do th-”

She bit off her words as Little Kat let out a particularly loud metallic purr.

Straightening herself, Sophia suddenly looked every inch the Princess she was.

“I hope that you did not encounter the rabid dog the groundskeeper let escape into the forest,” she said, her voice authoritative and firm. “He has been fired for his carelessness. Someone could have been badly hurt by his stupidity. Father only hired him because of his relationship to the palace butler and he’s been nothing but trouble ever since-”

Katarina froze in place, Sophia’s words washing over her like a wave.

You think you can run, girly? Dog’s a lot faster than you are and it’ll look like an accident in the end. Might hurt a bit though.

Katarina 32 (death by teeth and terror and laughter) shut the image off with a firm snap that Katarina had never felt any of the other Council members employ.

“You don’t need to see that again,” said Katarina 32.

Shaken, Katarina could only agree.

As if from a distance she watched Sophia get closer to her and check her over, still speaking about her unhappiness with the groundskeeper.

She couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t focus, could barely nod like a puppet on a string.

Then, she suddenly felt a sensation against her hand, it was rough and cold and wet and-

Katarina looked down.

Little Kat had somehow forced a wet piece of metal out of its gaping black maw and was attempting to… lick her.

Katarina started laughing.

She didn’t stop, not even when Sophia stopped talking and stared at her in alarm.

“Thank you,” Katarina said, her voice hoarse, and she knew Sophia had no idea what she was talking about. “Thank you.”

Katarina got home somehow, Sophia staring at her worriedly the entire time.

She stumbled into the one place in the world where she could feel safe, even if only for a moment, barely noticing the bare walls and spartan furniture.

“Can I,” said Katarina, her voice trembling, “have a hug?”

“Of course,” said Anne, signalling to Mr. Knife to leave the room.

Katarina sunk into Anne’s arms and for a beautiful moment, nothing existed but warmth.

Katarina apologized to Sophia once she was back at the Academy, telling her that she had been tired and just needed to get more rest. It wasn’t untrue, but Katarina was uneasily reminded of her conversation with Keith and felt a little mutinous with the reminder. Why did she need to burden her Lady Friends and pets and partners and assistants with details that would do nothing but drive them away from her?

Katarina was aware as never before how delicate the balance she had created actually was. How much could she ask of the people around her before it was no longer a mutual partnership?

Katarina was determined to make sure that her people thought they were getting good benefits by tolerating her.

So it was with both determination and cheer that she suggested that Sophia show off how incredible Little Kat was to the rest of Katarina’s people.

The brightening smile on Sophia’s face was worth Katarina’s strange fear that Little Kat would like one of the amazing beautiful people around her better than Little Kat liked Katarina.

She and Sophia laughed, skipping arm in arm, as they led her people towards the streamplunk building where Sophia had whispered to Katarina that Little Kat had built a beautiful nest for herself.

“Is this,” said Jeord, his voice curious, “where you built that remarkable signalling device?”

“Yes,” said Sophia shortly.

Katarina wasn’t sure why Jeord had decided to join them, but Alan had arrived with both Jeord and a haunted look on his face and Katarina had decided it wasn’t worth it to ask.

“So what exactly are you planning to show us?” said Mary, her beautiful eyebrows furrowed as she stared Katarina and Sophia interlinked with one another.

“It’s a surprise,” said Sophia with a beautiful but terrifying smile. “You like surprises, don’t you?”

“You really think,” said Keith in a long drawl with a raised eyebrow, “that any of us are fond of surprises around here?”

“It’s a good surprise,” said Katarina, trying to make their excitement match hers. “You’re going to love her!”

“Her?” said Nicol with a slight frown. “What have you been doing, Sophia?”

Katarina looked over at Sophia in surprise at that, genuinely startled that she hadn’t been sharing her plans with Nicol, but Sophia was already moving ahead to open the shed door.

“Here she is,” she said theatrically as she threw the doors open to reveal Little Kat dancing in anticipation on her many legs. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

The only sound for the next few minutes was that of Little Kat making little whirring noises as she cocked her head and turned it to face each of Katarina’s people in turn.

Then-

“My gods,” said Jeord, his lips white, “why did you build a giant spider that can move by itself?”

“Leave Little Kat alone!” said Katarina, fiercely defensive. “She’s a beautiful Not-Spider!”

There was a long moment of silence.

“You’re right,” said Alan slowly, “she’s definitely a Not-Spider.”

“Why?” said Jeord, his voice strangely pained.

“Because she doesn’t have eight legs, of course,” said Mary with a beautiful smile.

Sophia nodded smugly. “I knew that most of you were nearly as smart as Katarina!”

As if that was the signal she had been waiting for, Little Kat rushed forward and started rubbing her squirrel head against Katarina while making very happy mechanical noises.

“She was built to protect Katarina,” said Sophia as Little Kat started snuffling against Katarina’s ear.

“That’s an incredible design,” said Nicol. “I’m proud of your ability to create something this remarkable and set the magic to give it commands.”

“Well the thing is,” said Sophia, shuffling a little, “I didn’t actually give it commands- it’s meant to power itself and learn about its environment and develop its own abilities.”

“So,” said Jeord flatly, “it just loves Katarina on its own?”

Katarina had no idea what he was talking about and was about to correct him when something strange happened. All of Katarina’s people turned to stare at one another as a group and simultaneously shrugged as if they were the magically commanded creatures rather than Little Kat.

Katarina wondered what on earth they were thinking, but then Mary stepped forward with a broad smile and a glint in her eyes. “Can I pet her?”

It turned out that many legs did not get in the way of rubbing Little Kat’s belly.

For once, Katarina felt like all was right with the world as she watched her people laughing and playing with the best pet in the world.

She wondered how long that feeling would last.

Katarina was startled to realize, considering how much she had been trying to understand the situation going on around her, how close it was to the summer break for the Academy. She felt as if she had done very little but time had passed rapidly as she attempted to learn more about how to avoid her various terrible murders.

It also occurred to her, as wrapped up in her own troubles as she was, that she hadn’t heard from Katarina 20 in some time, who normally could be counted on to direct and shepherd the other Council members. In fact, she hadn’t heard from quite a number of the Council members in some ti-

“Don’t worry about it,” said Katarina 11 with a long drawl as she twirled her flask in her hand. “The lily queen and I are minding the house for a little bit. Everyone needs some time to themselves once in awhile.”

This was not nearly as reassuring as Katarina thought Katarina 11 might have intended it to be.

Katarina was a little shaken by the lack of the stability in her mind that she realized she’d been taking for granted. So it maybe wasn’t a surprise that, late for class and running to catch up with Keith, Katarina managed to knock not just herself, but the President of the Student Council flat on the ground.

Katarina was a little surprised at how quickly Sirius Dieke moved away from her, but when she saw what the slight gap in his normally meticulous collar revealed, she was a lot more grimly understanding.

“You do have a fabulous fashion sense,” she said appreciatively as he stood, still looking at her warily, the obvious hand-shaped bruise vanishing once again under a layer of meticulous cloth. “We should go shopping some time!”

Lord Sirius’ look became less wary and significantly more confused before his brows furrowed and his bland smile reappeared.

“I do hope, Lady Katarina,” he said gently, “that I am not the reason you have decided not to return to the Student Council in person. Your work with Lord Nicol is valuable, but you should be able to reap the benefits of your position and not just the responsibilities.”

Katarina stared at Lord Sirius.

There was absolutely no way that the President of the Student Council hadn’t heard all the stories about how Maria Campbell was trying to destroy Lady Katarina Claes.

So why was he…

Katarina had always planned to approach Lord Sirius after some careful planning and pre-practiced conversation. He had the unusual distinction of being one of the only powerful men at the school who hadn’t murdered one of the Council members and she really wanted to find a way to incorporate his apparent resistance to murderousness into a shield at the Academy.

His strange reactions to her had made her more careful about her plans and created a real worry that this would be the life where her murderable face brought out his hidden desire to kill things.

This, however, went beyond strange reactions.

Did Lord Sirius already want her to die?

Was he hoping that she would see Maria and choke to death without him having to lift a finger to harm her himself?

“Are you mad at me for not giving you a proper greeting when we met on the wall of the dorm?” blurted Katarina, her tongue throwing forward the first thing she could think of that might have irritated him.

Sirius’ bland smile wavered and his eyes widened.

“What wall?” he said in what was an obvious attempt at ignorance, ruined by his immediate follow-up.

As if he couldn’t help himself, he said, “How did you persuade his highness with his incredible magical level to put himself at risk?”

There was something strange about that question and Katarina tried to determine why it sounded so odd? Was Lord Sirius implying that she’d been the one to trick Jeord into going to the assassins?

She shook her head. How would Lord Sirius know that Jeord had been the target of the assassins? It was much more likely that-

“Oh don’t worry,” said Katarina genuinely. “I haven’t been near the kitchen in weeks and I would never attempt to share my kitchen-made Things with anyone else.”

Lord Sirius stared at her.

Katarina stared right back at him.

“Are you trying to,” said Lord Sirius oddly hesitantly, “convince me to-”

“Katarina!” said Keith and Katarina turned towards him to reassure him that she was fine.

By the time she turned back, Lord Sirius was gone.

Katarina was distinctly unsettled by her encounter with Lord Sirius in ways that she couldn’t explain even to herself, but at least one thing from that conversation stood out that she could determine as something that was bothering her.

Katarina knew that Lord Sirius wasn’t dating because there was an entire pool of people who seemed to monitor his every contact with potential partners and were very loud about their disappointment that he was both unengaged and apparently uninterested in seeking a partner.

That left only one other possibility to eliminate before the possibility that Katarina feared.

When she next was working on Nicol’s Nuances, she finally determined how to get the answers she wanted, even if there was a little risk in the asking.

“The Student Council president,” Katarina said hesitantly, not sure how not to inspire unwanted curiosity with her question, “he doesn’t get bullied, does he?”

“Sirius?” said Nicol, blinking. “I don’t think anyone at the Academy would dare go after him. He may look soft, but he’s an incredibly powerful magician and both the male and female students respect his ability to resolve nearly any situation.”

He gave her a gentle, slightly accusatory look. “You really should know not to judge someone by their outward appearance.”

“Thank you,” said Katarina, trying to sound apologetic. “I will definitely keep that in mind.”

Nicol smiled one of the smiles that made him most look like a work of Art and Katarina appreciated it very artistically. “I love how much you try to look after everyone, Katarina, but sometimes you don’t need to fight all the battles.”

Katarina wasn’t sure how Nicol had come to such a strange and tragic misunderstanding, but she certainly wasn’t going to be the one to disillusion him, especially if it made him happy.

This was, Katarina realized, a bit of A Theme over the next few weeks.

Katarina had entirely forgotten about the end of term ball prior to the start of summer vacation, mostly because Katarina was sure the ball hadn’t existed before the Academy decided they needed to show all the parents and students that everything was Just Fine.

Katarina had been quite happy to not go to a public place full of potential murderers and secret babies and cabbages and secret babies with cabbage, but her people had seemed oddly eager for the opportunity and she’d found herself agreeing without quite knowing why.

She was deeply puzzled by her inability to fight against such a terrible idea and decided to ask the one person that she could trust and who knew the most about tactical planning against murder.

“Mr. Knife,” said Katarina, sweating as she finished strangling the fake intruder doll with a noose made out of petticoats, “what does it mean when you can’t say ‘no’ to someone?”

“Is this Miss Anne?” said Mr. Knife, his eyes suddenly sharp. “If it’s Miss Anne, then that’s perfectly normal, kid.”

He frowned then. “If it’s not Miss Anne, then use the Gentle Persuasion lesson techniques. Break their nose, choke ‘em, and call me to come talk to them.”

“Oh,” said Katarina, frowning.

Somehow, for once, Katarina felt like Mr. Knife’s advice wasn’t exactly going to work for her situation.

It was a very strange feeling and Katarina carried that sense of uneasiness into her preparations for the ball.

With how oddly excited everyone seemed to be to be going to the ball, Katarina realized something that had never occurred to her before as her hair was being prepared by the incredibly talented maid with plans for her own salon.

“Anne,” said Katarina, careful not to move and upset the strange and arcane things being done to the top of her head, “do you want to go to balls, not as my Anne, but as yourself?”

Katarina couldn’t see Anne, but she could almost feel the silence that greeted her question.

“I haven’t,” said Anne, a contemplative tone in her voice, “thought about attending a ball as a guest since I was younger than you are now.”

She continued in that contemplative voice, “There are too many people who would enjoy taking advantage of those they see as weaker for me to want to place myself in their way. I admit that I love dancing, but that’s the only thing that I miss.”

“Would it help,” said Katarina hesitantly, not sure what sisters did in this situation, but hoping that she got it right, “if I danced with you at some point?”

There was a long moment of silence.

“Yes,” said Anne, her voice oddly hoarse, “it would.”

Katarina carried the smug success of being a good sister right up to the moment she actually arrived at the ball.

When Keith had met with her on the stairs, he had made a noise somewhere between a groan and a choking sound. Katarina had told him that he shouldn’t eat that extra serving of cabbage before dancing, but she was surprised that even descending the stairs had that serious an effect. Cabbage was truly evil.

So buoyed by the knowledge of being both a good sister and being able to say “I told you so”, Katarina sailed into the ballroom, sure that this would not be the nightmare dance of her dreams-

-only to be greeted by dead silence and all four Stuart sons arranged in front of her, bowing as she entered.

“What,” hissed Katarina to Keith, “is this?”

“Lady Katarina Claes,” said Prince Jeffrey and Katarina saw death in his smile, “would you do me the honour of opening the ball with me?”

“Meep,” said Katarina.

Apparently, this translated to ‘yes’ in some arcane language because Katarina found herself separated from Keith and in a very expert dancehold with one of the most genuinely terrifying men she’d ever met.

Katarina frantically attempted to plaster on Expression 603 I Am Not Terrified So There, but Katarina 27 (death by poison left in her drink courtesy of Jeord’s oldest brother) hissed in her mind, “Don’t bother. He can smell fear.”

“So,” said Prince Jeffrey, a pleasant smile on his face and a glint in his eye, “what do my baby brothers look like when they sleep?”

Things did not get better from there.

What felt like hours later, Katarina staggered off the dance floor, her eyes glazed and her movements shaky.

“I’m still alive, aren’t I?” said Katarina.

“Yes,” said Katarina 27, an expression of sympathy on her face.

“I don’t have to ever think about the conversation ever again, do I?” said Katarina.

“Well,” said Katarina 27, “you should probably remember the part where he told you what would happen to you if either Jeord or Alan ever shed a single tear because of you.”

The noise Katarina made was one of sheer pain.

“Or not,” said Katarina 27. “I do think nodding and not saying anything at all was the right response though.”

“I couldn’t talk,” said Katarina. “I thought he might rip out my tongue and use it for a paperweight if I spoke.”

“Well, it worked,” said Katarina 27, a look of desperation on her face. “Oh look! Isn’t that Prince Jeffrey’s former fiancée?”

Katarina ignored the attempt at distraction, trying to get her brain to focus on what had just happened.

As dazed as Katarina was, she was still puzzled by what questions Prince Jeffrey chose to ask. She wasn’t sure what the Jeord and Alan’s sleeping habits had to do with her imminent murder or what horrifying plan Jeffrey had made that involved knowing whether or not Jeord still had a stuffed squirrel named Mr. Cheeky in his room, but maybe he was providing her with blackmail information?

Had her silence perhaps convinced him that she would be discreet enough to be useful for his plans?

“Well,” said Katarina 27 thoughtfully, “I have always wondered if he murdered me because I got nervous one meal and started babbling about my interest in taming and riding stallions. He really didn’t seem to be a fan of horses or me talking, so perhaps you’re right?”

“You know though,” Katarina 27 said in a slightly more urgent tone, “there is someone who could help you understand him better and she’s walking toward us.”

As Katarina looked up, all her thoughts stopped completely.

Susanna Randall, daughter of Duke Claes’ dear friend Duke Randall, was one of the most beautiful women in the kingdom.

Katarina had met her briefly as a child, but seeing her as an adult woman was… overwhelming.

Before she could think or move, the woman was right in front of her, bowing over Katarina’s hand as she brought it to her lips.

“My dear Lady Katarina,” purred Lady Susanna, “I have so been looking forward to making your acquaintance again after so many years apart.”

“You can have him,” blurted out Katarina, her voice entirely disconnected from her completely blank mind. “I don’t want your fiancé!”

Lady Susanna’s smile grew wider. “And here,” she said, raising an elegant eyebrow, “I was going to thank you for resolving that situation before I had to take action myself.”

“You are quite right though,” she murmured. “You are fartoo good for a man as… specifically oriented as Jeffrey.”

Well, thought Katarina, even barring her face being more capable of inspiring murder than affection, any man who had been engaged to Susanna Randall would not be delighted to be then forced to be engaged to Katarina Claes. It was a perfectly logical reaction to be specifically oriented to one of the most beautiful women in Sorcier.

“It’s unfortunate that I won’t get to spend more time with you now,” she said, frowning. “Alas, the charge I’ve been asked to watch is much less interesting.”

She turned her head slightly and Katarina followed her gaze to see…

… a very miserable-looking Maria Campbell.

For a terrible second, Katarina thought she was going to stop breathing before she realized that Maria was far enough away that whatever she did to Katarina couldn’t be triggered. There was a man standing beside her that Katarina vaguely recognized as one of the professors at the Academy that was on loan from the Ministry-

Suddenly, a number of pieces of information aligned in a way that made Katarina’s eyes widen.

“Lady Susanna,” said Katarina, firmly meeting the woman’s gaze, “do you work for the Ministry?”

The amused façade dropped as suddenly as if it had never been.

“You are interesting,” said Lady Susanna, still beautiful, but somehow much more fierce. “I like you very much, my dear, so let me give you a well-meant piece of advice.”

“Sometimes,” she said, leaning so close to Katarina’s ear that the hairs on her neck stood on end, “it is best to keep your cards close to your chest. In simple terms, it is a dangerous game to reveal that you know other people’s secrets.”

She sauntered off then, every person she passed staring after her as she moved, including Katarina.

This was perhaps why she didn’t notice the rabbit-like woman in front of her until she began to speak.

“L-lady Katarina?” said a small, meek voice.

“Selena Berg,” hissed Katarina 27, “the noblewoman voted most likely to be mistaken for a piece of furniture and Ian Stuart’s fiancée.”

So this, thought Katarina with wide eyes, was the woman Ian loved.

“I’m so glad to meet you, Lady Selena,” she said enthusiastically. “Ian’s told me all about you! I hope that you’ll invite me to the wedding.”

She frowned. “I supposed you’ll be forced to invite me, but I hope you’ll at least be glad to do so.”

The large scared eyes of the woman in front of her somehow became even larger and more scared.

“But I’m not eng-” she said, shrinking slightly.

“Just a temporary setback!” said Katarina cheerfully. “As soon as I’ve attracted all the murderers that could possibly endanger the princes, the Queen will let all the real fiancées be engaged again.”

The small woman frowned, a strange expression on her mild face. “That’s just a rumour and an untrue one at that. Ian said-”

There, she cut off her own words and her face paled dramatically.

“Is he finally speaking with you?” said Katarina, incredibly excited. “I knew he’d listen to my advice! I hope he was romantic! What is it like to have someone be romantic with you?”

“That,” said an amused voice in her ear, “is something you’re going to have to figure out yourself.”

Katarina turned towards Alan, wondering why he paled and muttered Good thing I looked ahead of time this time.

“My apologies,” said Alan bowing very graciously to Lady Selena, “I’ll be stealing my inquisitive partner. Good health, Lady Selena.”

As they spun out onto the floor, Katarina frowned. “Do I ask too many questions?”

“Not normally,” said Alan, something unfamiliar and warm in his gaze as his eyes followed her every move, “but I’m pretty sure Selena would burst into pieces if a squirrel looked at her wrong and I was amazed she hadn’t already fled when she was speaking with you.”

“Well squirrels are terrifying,” said Katarina, “so that seems reasonable.”

Then processing the rest of his words, she felt unexpectedly hurt. “Were you rescuing her from me?”

“Not at all,” said Alan softly. “I just couldn’t wait to get a chance to spend time with you, even if it’s only because my Mother has terrible ideas.”

“What do you mean?” said Katarina.

“He means,” said a dry voice as Katarina felt a hand on her wrist, “that Mother is leaning into the rumours in the hopes that someone will get nervous. Congratulations on getting to dance with all of the Stuart brothers, by royal decree. It’s my turn now.”

“I literally just got to dance with her,” said Alan, obviously coming up with a clever and creative plan for Katarina to not have to deal with Jeord.

“Too bad,” said Jeord, with a broad smile, “everyone’s watching now and if it looks like we’re fighting, it will just make Katarina more vulnerable, won’t it, brother?”

Alan bit off a snarl and leaned over Katarina’s ear as he withdrew.

“I’ll find you as soon as you’re free,” he whispered. “Mary, Nicol, and Sophia weren’t able to come because of some family responsibilities, but Keith and I will make sure you’re safe.”

Before Katarina could respond to or process that information, Jeord had her in a dancehold and they were spinning dizzily and rapidly around the floor.

“What are you doing?” said Katarina, softly enough that only Jeord could hear her above the din of the ball.

“Why do I suspect,” said Jeord with an awkward laugh, “that you always see much more of me than I plan to show you?”

Katarina had a brief and visceral image of Jeord wearing nothing at all that she immediately scrubbed from her mind as if it had never been.

“You,” said Katarina firmly, “should remain fully clothed at all times.”

Jeord stumbled on the dance step, looking up at her with a wide-eyed hopeful expression that terrified Katarina more than anything Jeffrey had said or done.

“Is that,” said Jeord, his voice cracking, “a suggestion or an order?”

“What?” said Katarina, staring at him in utter confusion.

“Not yet, then,” said Jeord softly.

More loudly, he said, “This entire event is ripe for finding a target, Katarina. It’s meant to placate the nobles, so it would be the perfect time to do something… disruptive if chaos is the goal. You should keep an eye out since you seem to be very talented at drawing chaos.”

Not quite sure if that was a compliment or an insult, Katarina was surprised to realize that Jeord had expertly led her to the edge of the dance floor and was bowing over her hand.

“I’m not going to make you uncomfortable,” he said, with a strange, almost sad smile on his face. “I’m grateful for this much time.”

Katarina stared after him as he strode off, wondering what on earth he was thinking and planning. She was trying to keep him from being killed, but his behaviour was so strange, even the years of Council understanding weren’t enough to interpret it.

It was enough to make her feel mutinous herself.

She knew that she should look for Keith or Alan but she was tired with being tossed around like a bundle of cabbages, even if her people were only trying to fulfill their end of the bargain by keeping her alive.

Katarina wanted not to be confused for once.

Katarina wanted to perform her own plan.

Katarina wanted to do something where she knew what she was saying and doing.

With a determined stride, Katarina stormed over to the person she had been watching for most of the ball and decided that sometimes subtle and careful caution just wasn’t the right tactic.

“Lord Sirius,” said Katarina, loudly enough to attract the attention of the people around her, “would you like to dance?”

Lord Sirius wasn’t looking at Katarina.

He hadn’t looked directly at Katarina since his first startled glance when she’d asked him to dance and he’d mumbled something that might have been a yes.

Oh, he might have looked to other people as if he was watching her, but Katarina knew better.

She plastered on Expression 444 Pretending Bland Acceptance Through Extreme Irritation and gracefully settled into position.

Lord Sirius looked more than a little nervous, despite his bland smile, as he took Katarina into a dancehold and he still wasn’t looking at her.

There was a brief look of surprise on his face when he actually touched her and Katarina could have sworn he said didn’t attack, but it was so loud in the ballroom that his words were frustratingly indistinct when he was mumbling and looking away from her.

This was a major setback in Katarina’s plans to convince Lord Sirius to be her non-murderous Academy shield, but Katarina hadn’t gotten as far as she had in not being murdered by giving up when someone loathed her!

“You are as usual impeccably dressed,” said Katarina. “Your choice of a satin cravat handily conceals your flesh and looks stylish.”

Sirius was still not looking at her, but Katarina was confident that he was paying attention because he had to take two additional steps to keep their movements smooth during their rotation.

“What,” he said, his voice cautious, but with a slight edge, “precisely are you trying to say, Lady Katarina?”

“I know your parents hurt you,” said Katarina firmly.

For the first time since she’d seen him, Lord Sirius’ startled gaze met hers.

“So that’s one of the deaths then,” Lord Sirius said slowly.

“What?” said Katarina, her eyes wide.

“Oh,” said Lord Sirius, his smile suddenly wider and a little sharper than his normal blandness, “you only meant to intrigue me rather than actually discussing it further? You are clever.”

That was not the response Katarina had predicted, but she decided that her Subtlety did appear to be working, so she would continue with her careful, political conversation.

“Intriguing or not,” she said, “I’d like to offer you an opportunity.”

“I’m sure you would,” said Lord Sirius, but there was something almost pleasant in his tone.

“I would like,” continued Katarina, wondering if maybe she was being too subtle for him, “to offer you a way to escape from your estate during the weekends. The Claes are a more highly-placed family than the Diekes so if you were to come shopping with me and teach me your incredible sense for fabrics, your parents would be unlikely to interfere. I could even drop Subtle hints that I would be very unhappy if you were harmed. It might irritate them more, but it would also allow me to apply political pressure if they continued.”

There was a long moment of silence as Lord Sirius stared at her, still continuing to dance.

“This is much more than I expected,” he said, his voice very carefully controlled, “in terms of either a potential collaboration or an antagonistic declaration. May I have some time to think?”

“We can dance for as long as you want to,” said Katarina expertly following his sudden spin while keeping eye contact with him.

“Won’t,” said Lord Sirius slowly, “that potentially cause… misunderstandings?”

Katarina raised an eyebrow. “Most of the people here think I am the sacrifice for the Royal sons to be able to court their real fiancées in peace. Nobody’s going to think you want to court a dead woman.”

Lord Sirius started at that, his eyes flashing briefly, although his footwork remained as smooth and even as before.

“You are very open about your situation,” he said, musingly, “although is that just for me?”

Before Katarina could ask what he meant, his voice grew much more firm. “I need to know more about you to decide. I understand that you have an illegitimate sister. What is your relationship with her?”

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told the last person who wanted to court Anne.” said Katarina, not at all unclear about why people wanted to court Anne but still finding it very irritating that they dared think themselves worthy. “She is smart and funny and kind and amazing and you have to be at least as good as her to deserve to woo her.”

“Ah,” said Lord Sirius, nodding as if he understood something. “You are very popular in the kitchens as well, I understand?”

“Well they are all very kind,” said Katarina. “And I was lucky enough to meet most of them when Anne and I were spending time in town and getting to know people.”

She’d only remembered the fact a week or so before but, “I got to help the cook’s niece look after her children when she had to run errands while we were shopping.”

“You have a lot of concern for commoners,” said Lord Sirius slowly.

“Of course,” said Katarina, trying not to let her words get too heated as she remembered the terrifying crowd tearing Katarina 31 to pieces. Honestly, with the number of people who took such an interest in commoner welfare, she was lucky she hadn’t been murdered more often for her lack of concern! “It’s important to make sure that commoners are looked after.”

At least, Katarina assumed that if they were looked after they were less murderous. The people working in the Academy kitchen certainly seemed less murderous than the people in the Council memories and Katarina had made enough inquiries and Subtle threats to make sure that they were well-compensated in a pleasant work environment. She hadn’t even had a meal poisoned yet! Except from her own cooking!

She was so busy congratulating herself that she missed part of Lord Sirius’ next statement.

“… commoners and the magic in combination with flattery based on my actual interests. You definitely present a strong case.”

Lord Sirius stared at her with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“I accept,” he said abruptly. “I am not saying that I will ultimately agree to further intimacies, but you may continue to attempt to gain my regard. I look forward to your suit. You may call me Sirius and proceed to present your tokens.”

Well, thought, Katarina, beaming, as she gracefully curtsied and moved away from Sirius, that was entirely successful. Sirius had even expressed some tentative interest in them moving towards a closer, mutually beneficial partnership! It was odd that he used such strange language to indicate that she still needed to persuade him of the benefits of making a strategic alliance, but Katarina had every confidence she could persuade him to work with her intimately!

She was so buoyed by her success that she decided that she should have a reward.

Surely an end-of-term ball would have cake?

“You can’t be serious,” says Katarina, staring at the table in front of her.

It’s cabbage.

Cabbage as far as the eye can see and not a single item on the table that looks even remotely like cake.

Katarina’s about to storm off in frustration, when a servant appears in front of her.

There’s something distinctly familiar about him and the act of trying to figure out why he seems familiar delays Katarina long enough that he takes it as a sign to approach her.

“An aperitif, Lady Katarina?” says the man and the hair on the back of Katarina’s neck stands on end.

Katarina is a reluctant expert on cabbage at this point and there is something very wrong with this bowl of cabbage.

The food here is supposed to be produced by the Academy kitchen and cafeteria, but she can’t imagine the cook sending out a dish like this.

“No thank you,” says Katarina, politely. “I’m not hungry.”

The servant keeps moving towards her, his eyes glinting, the bowl getting closer and closer and Katarina is frozen, unsure why she isn’t moving, knowing she needs to move-

“I think it’s time for our dance, Katarina,” says Prince Ian Stuart, casually taking her arm as he leads her onto the dance floor and the world dances forwards.

Katarina didn’t realize that Ian had danced them off to a shaded corner of the ballroom until she suddenly realized that she could actually hear herself think.

“You have to be careful,” said Ian and his face was a combination of concern and unhappiness that Katarina saw all too frequently when she looked in the mirror. “Mother was successful beyond her wildest dreams when she chose you as her stalking horse.”

“That being said,” said Ian and his voice was much less understanding, “there is an easy way to end this. Why haven’t you just called Mother’s bluff and announced your choice for your engagement?”

Katarina stared at him in betrayal. “Who exactly am I supposed to become engaged to? Jeord spent years telling the world how awful he found me and Alan loves Mary. We won’t even talk about Jeffrey.”

“Normally,” said Ian, “I wouldn’t bother to interfere in my brothers’ teenage drama, but you are all making life very difficult for me. Selena’s family won’t wait much longer before they find her another fiancé. By the gods, Katarina, talk to my brothers. Things might not be what they seem. If you don’t do something soon, you’ll be dead and I want you as my sister much more than my other options.”

“I’m not,” said Katarina, feeling her eyes prickle in anger and frustration, “going to condemn Alan to a life of misery just because your Mother doesn’t care if I live or die!”

Ian closed his eyes and then opened them, his gaze cool.

He leaned towards her, every action deliberate and telegraphed.

“You have to choose,” said Ian, his mouth close to her ear, “and soon. You might hesitate, but the world won’t.”

He straightened and walked off, not looking back at Katarina buried in the shadows.

Katarina stood staring after him for a long few minutes, her shaking hands concealed in the folds of her dress.

She knew she couldn’t go back onto the ballroom floor. She had to project strength and confidence and not-easy-to-murder body language and she just couldn’t do it. She was already in the shadows and it was a matter of minutes to slip into a side hallway and again into the first room with an open door and peaceful, safe darkness.

Standing in the middle of the room, Katarina took a long, half-sobbing breath.

“You don’t come to the kitchen anymore,” said the Voice from somewhere in the shadows.

Katarina froze in place, but the room was dark and she couldn’t see Maria and her breathing continued, slow and steady.

She knew that she should leave immediately.

She didn’t.

“They miss you,” said Maria in that strange, soft voice. “Every time I go past the door, they get sad that the assassination attempt means that the school administrators won’t let you come see them.”

“I’m not sure,” said Katarina, finally recovering her voice, “why you care.”

There was sucked-in breath from somewhere in the room and then silence.

But Maria, Katarina realized, was also someone who wasn’t afraid to push forward when someone wasn’t friendly to them. Although, to be fair, Katarina hadn’t tried to murder the people who were being unfriendly to her.

“You got their pay increased,” said Maria. “You made sure that the man who was harassing the undercooks got fired-”

“Yes,” said Katarina, “I’m amazing. Most commoners don’t want to murder me. But you do.”

There was silence again.

“It’s all wrong,” said Maria, her voice full of pain. “It was never supposed to be like this. It’s all wrong.”

She took a deep rasping breath, loud under the cloak of darkness.

“If I told you,” said Maria, almost hesitantly, “that I didn’t want to murder you-”

That was when the window smashed open and shards of glass flew everywhere.

The next few minutes are chaos and confusion.

Fortunately, Katarina has a great deal of experience with both chaos and confusion.

She moves automatically when she sees the glint of light, and somehow manages to avoid the shower of glass, as far as she is from the door.

She can see that Maria isn’t so lucky, but she doesn’t have time to reflect or think. The man moves towards the dim shape of Maria in front of the curtain and Katarina moves.

“Stop,” says Maria. “What are you doing?”

Katarina thinks this is a very stupid question but she’s too busy breaking the man’s nose to answer something that obvious.

He’d frozen in place when Maria spoke, giving Katarina plenty of time to take action, so she supposes Maria is much more clever than she is at strategy. On the other hand, she’s glad she’d been practicing that maneuver with her petticoats, although she can’t complete the deathblow.

The light from the moon hits the unconscious man and Katarina recoils.

He’s the man who offered her the strange cabbage dish.

He’s the man who was Jeord’s valet in the life where he murdered Katarina 7.

“Oh gods,” says Katarina and the world’s shadows creep closer.

“Are you hurt?” said Maria. “Let me help-”

“Stay. Away.” said Katarina, backing towards the door. “Don’t get any closer to me!”

It was her. It was always her. Always.

She had no idea what she was thinking, what she was doing. Even if someone appeared to be targeting Maria, she couldn’t forget that.

“I’m your friend,” said Maria, her voice firm and sincere and terrifying. “I can help!”

“Can you tell me,” said Katarina, her voice and heart cold, “that you don’t know why that man came in the window? That you don’t know that man?”

There was a deep terrible silence.

Katarina fled.

“Where were you?” said Alan, his voice nearly panicked. “You were supposed to come find us after-”

“I need to go,” said Katarina, her voice thick with unshed tears. “I need to go.”

Alan and Keith exchanged glances.

“We’ve got you,” said Keith, taking one of her arms as Alan took the other. “Let’s go.”

Katarina couldn’t remember getting back to the Claes estate.

She couldn’t remember getting into her nightclothes or being tucked into bed, even though she could hear the low murmur of voices around her, presumably directing her actions.

What she could remember was coolly rising from her bed and walking out into the yard, drawn by an inexorable force.

She was surprised by how carefully she moved, her body automatically following all of Mr. Knife’s stealth lessons.

She could see Mr. Outside when she passed him and held her breath, but he passed by without noticing her.

Once she reached the bush where she had her conversation with the Council so long in the past, she knelt down and her head exploded.

Katarina found herself in a dark void surrounded by a circle of familiar women.

One of those women was standing in the circle directly across from Katarina, her expression unreadable.

“Dear heart,” said Katarina 20 (………..), “we need to talk.”

Well, Katarina had been wondering where Katarina 20 was.

There was really only one reason she would appear now.

Katarina was smart enough to realize that Katarina 20 had stopped talking to her shortly after she saved Jeord from the assassins. Saving Maria from an assassination attempt was obviously a step even farther into enraging her.

Katarina swallowed hard, wondering if there was any way to avoid this conversation.

“What about?” she said, frantically trying to find a way to stall.

“I think,” said Katarina 20 (mariajeordmariajeordgodsithurts), her face almost sinister in the shadows, “that it is time to tell you my story.”

Katarina froze in place and the world shifted.

“There were many Katarinas who were murdered by Jeord,” said Katarina 20 and Katarina realized that the darkness around them almost seemed to be forming images like some kind of warped shadow theater. “My story is not all of their stories.”

She looked into some far distance as she spoke, as if she could see her life unfolding before her. To Katarina’s increasing horror, she realized that Katarina 20 probably could, because as she began to speak, a series of shadows began to act out her words.

“Make no mistake,” said Katarina 20 softly, “for most of my life, I wanted nothing more than to love and be loved by Jeord Stuart. Whatever he or the rest of the world might have thought of my motivations, from the moment I saw him, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and make him happy.”

She paused for a moment as the unmistakable shadows of a young girl reaching out to a young boy turned away from her appeared, highlighted against the darkness, and vanished.

“Was it love?” said Katarina. “I have no way of knowing now. I thought it was love and certainly it was the most that I’ve ever felt about anyone. It doesn’t matter now. The result was the same either way.”

She sighed then as a shadow heart bloomed and burst in front of them. “Many of the Katarinas who died by Jeord’s hand did so within the Academy. I was picked because I was the oldest and I’ve had years to think about why I lasted so much longer.”

She smiled and the unusual bitterness of the sneer on her normally peacemaking and gently supportive face made Katarina shiver.

“It was,” said Katarina 20 coolly, “a matter of how much of a tamed hound I was willing to be for Jeord. I’m convinced now it was a single conversation that spared my life for so many more years. In hindsight, I’m unsure how grateful I am for that intervention.”

There was a strange murmur behind Katarina and she realized that the circle of Council members was listening to Katarina 20 nearly as intently as she was.

“Shortly after my engagement, Mother spoke with me about the… responsibilities of a good fiancée to her partner,” said Katarina 20, her voice oddly flat. “Keith had just been moved into the house and I imagine that must have coloured her conversation, but, in short, it was made very clear to me that my only chance at future happiness was to please the man I was engaged to. It was obvious to me that my only value to the Claes was to increase their political strength through pleasing my future husband. I had thought my parents loved me, but it was apparent that they valued me much more as a tool and I was determined to find someone who could love me.”

A shadow rose bloomed in the darkness and the petals slowly fell one by one into the black until only a stem remained.

“That was not the conversation that changed things,” Katarina 20 said, staring at the rose as it disappeared. “Most of us received that conversation, but I followed that conversation with a great deal of zeal and so attempted to frequently visit the palace that I might better please my new fiancé. It was there that I overheard Jeord tell one of his friends how annoying and spoiled and awful he found me.”

She paused as the shadows of two young boys froze in place and a small shadow girl ran from them, dark tears trailing behind her.

“I believed him,” said Katarina 20, “even if I didn’t understand. So I watched him every time I did something, every time he was forced to be in my presence, and I could very much see that it was forced. With what was happening in my home, I was frantic to make him care for me that I might escape and be able to live happily.”

The shadow boy turned away again from the shadow girl reaching towards him, gifts in her hands.

“I noticed that Jeord sneered when he saw me yell at Keith, so I became polite and distant with Keith and he was likewise polite and distant with me,” she said. “Likewise I heard the servants at the palace saying that Jeord laughed at my tantrums, so I learned to exert my will in less obvious ways.”

“In short,” said Katarina 20, “whatever even slightly seemed to make Jeord unhappy, I stopped and tried frantically to find something to replace it. I spent years trying to learn how to please him because he was my prince, my key to escaping a family and life that did not care for me beyond the sake of appearances. I thought I could make him love me as I was convinced that I loved him.”

The girl was older, still reaching towards the boy, but he was still fixedly, unchangingly turned away from her.

“I was a shadow,” said Katarina 20, “and I played whatever role the prince wanted of me. I kept those who irritated him from him and came at his call and left at the tiniest display of his displeasure.”

“I think,” she said thoughtfully, “that was what spared me the earlier death. I surrounded myself with friends at the Academy and spent my time trying to be the perfect fiancée that Jeord said that he wished. I only realize now that it was utterly futile. The gossips feared and hated me, as I served as Jeord’s well-trained attack dog – how he must have laughed! It set him up perfectly to dispose of me in the end. But I never acted on my own initiative and he had no reason to dispose of me… then.”

There was a strange soft murmur, That’s not-

Katarina realized with some surprise that even as all the Katarinas were staring intently at Katarina 20, Katarina 16 was leaned further forward than the rest of them, her face as pale as death as she stared at Kararina 20 with such a look of agony that it hurt to look at her.

“It was only years later that I realized in the time I had been acting as his guard,” said Katarina 20, the shadow of a woman dressed as a knight appearing and charging forward, “that he had been busily ‘befriending’ the woman who would ultimately lead to my death.”

“I had taken on much of the training and roles of his consort after the Academy,” Katarina 20 said as she watched the shadow of a teenage girl appear as mounds of paper and yelling people surrounded her. “Somehow, we did not marry. Although I now know why, at the time I thought it was because I was still not good enough, not sufficient, and the lectures I received at home let me know that I would have no place to turn if I could not manage to increase his interest. It was obviously my fault, even if I could not see how and so I worked harder, trying to balance that work with his curious desire to see more of me than he ever had before. Perhaps it was to confirm how much he loathed me. I no longer know.”

Katarina 16 had wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes closed. Katarina could have sworn she said deserved better gods all so wrong

Katarina 20 smiled then and it was more frightening than her frown. “And then, finally, there was a wedding date. We were to wed by my twentieth birthday. I had seldom been happier, because it had always been Jeord that had delayed the event. I thought it was proof that, finally, he found some value in me.”

A woman appeared, a long shadow veil trailing after her, reaching towards a man who turned away from her, both of them disappearing into the shadows.

“And then,” Katarina 20 said softly, “my dearest friend from the Academy told me that Jeord appeared at a public event at the Ministry with his dear friend, Maria.”

The shadow rose reappeared and burst into a shower of petals.

“I don’t think I ever knew her last name,” said Katarina 20. “I was no schoolgirl to seek out the source of my torment and bully her into compliance. For better or worse, Jeord had trained me better than that.”

Two women rose out of the shadows and they both turned away from one another.

“Instead,” Katarina 20 said coolly, “I tried a more adult method of persuasion to keep my prince.”

A woman and a man rose out of the shadows and twined together until it was impossible to tell where one started and the other ended.

Katarina’s eyes widened. Those positions were strangely familiar. Were they from-

Katarina 20 laughed harshly. “Did you think you were the first Katarina to look into the Almanac of Boring Facts and Places? I have no idea why he agreed, but I was not going to waste whatever moment of foolishness made him agree in the first place. Certainly, he was an eager participant.”

Were you? said Katarina 16 so softly it was scarcely words and Katarina found herself wondering that as well.

“I enjoyed it well enough,” said Katarina 20. “I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn’t constantly regaled with stories from my network of how much time Jeord was spending publicly with Maria. It hurt to realize that giving him everything wasn’t even enough to spare me that public shame.”

“I think,” said Katarina 20, as if in realization, “that was when I unconsciously began to realize my fate and began… to change.”

The shadow woman held out her hand towards the man turned away from her and then, slowly, hesitantly pulled it back towards her body.

Katarina 20 sighed. “My home had become unbearable. I don’t think my parents knew of the gossip since they were so busy in their own misery, but Mother at least was constantly reminding me of my need to keep my fiancé happy and so I decided to take action before I went mad. I took my inheritance from my grandfather and purchased a house in a rougher area of the capital so that I could be accessible to the palace but not have to stay under all of the palace eyes for the entire day,” said Katarina 20. “It was a revelation. I could go home and not smile. Nobody at the local market knew who I was and I could be polite without having to be polite enough to meet the standards of a potential Queen consort. I even learned how to make some meals for myself because I hated the thought of having to share my house with anything but temporary servants arriving to clean and maintain the house. I had to maintain a carriage, but the coachman lived in the neighbourhood and I did not need to meet with him unless I was traveling.”

A shadowed woman dressed in plain clothes carried a loaf of bread and swung her bag at her side.

“Meeting with Jeord’s mother was torture, but both she and Jeord seemed to increase our meetings as the wedding drew closer and then, one day, as I was leaving a meeting with the Queen, I saw them.”

A shadowed woman hid behind a column as a shadow man and woman stood together in a garden full of roses.

“I hid and watched them, Jeord and Maria,” Katarina 20 said, her gaze once again distant. “They were friendly with one another, intimate and knowing as they talked, and I watched that conversation… and I watched how they treated others. There were several people who came to that garden and I watched Maria and how she interacted with them, knowing how much Jeord had always scorned my behaviour. She was improper, inadvertently I’m sure, to the guard captain and then again to the head maid as they came to speak to them. Jeord just… smiled indulgently and signalled for the servants to leave them be.”

Katarina 16 was clenching her fists at her sides, Katarina realized, her face so full of anguish that Katarina almost went over to her and put her hand on her shoulder.

Katarina 20 laughed, no joy at all in the sound. “I watched them laughing in the palace garden and I realized then what I had never allowed myself to realize before,” she said. “There was nothing I could make myself that would win Jeord’s affections because his strongest desire was for someone who was not me.”

Katarina 20 took a deep breath. “When Jeord came to me that night, I stopped being polite. I think I secretly hoped that would be enough for him to break things off and let me go. Instead he started coming nightly.”

The shadow of the woman and the man entwined again and again as the woman stared out over the man’s shoulder.

“I have no idea how he had the energy to lay with both of us,” said Katarina 20, “since he spent every evening and night with me from then until… the end.”

“That was when the dreams started to change,” said Katarina 20. “I think I knew then that it was all impossible, but my mind knew enough to stop dreaming of Jeord, even in my fantasies. I instead started to dream of children, of beautiful blonde creatures with my eyes, who would love me and who I could teach to be kind, to themselves and to those around them. To be kind in ways neither of their parents ever had been.”

As the shadows of small children chasing a woman reaching out for them disappeared into darkness, Katarina 16 let out a keening cry, before she hastily bit down on her lip until she drew blood.

“It was done then,” said Katarina 20, “even if I could not afford to realize it. I stopped being Jeord’s attack dog and started spending time in the library researching every method of setting up an independent household I could find. I did the bare minimum of work on the tasks I could not avoid and turned into a strange ghost haunting the palace library when I wasn’t spending my nights with my handsome fiancé, always gone by morning. Sometimes I wonder if I just dreamed him.”

The shadows twined and separated, the woman starting to reach for the man and then shaking her head and retracting her reach.

“It was strange though,” said Katarina 20, “in my near-compete isolation, I had more interactions with Jeord’s family than I ever had previously. All of his brothers came to speak with me in the library about what I thought were disconnected and unrelated things, but I suspect now were responses to Jeord’s behaviour and an attempt to show that the family supported me as a fiancée. It was a completely political response, but it was some of the only social conversation I had in those days and, while suspicious, I was grateful for their appearance.”

“In hindsight,” Katarina 20 said, frowning, “I think Prince Ian might have placed a blanket over me one afternoon when I was starting to fall asleep in the library.”

The shadow woman laid her head on a pile of books and a shadow man carefully placed a blanket over her shoulders.

“I see now that the brothers were attempting to salvage the political situation, but the person who was most concerned with politics actually offered me something more. I know that the Queen was not… fond of me,” said Katarina 20, “but in the end, it was my private meeting with her that changed what was left of my life.”

Katarina smiled and there was a sad fondness in the look. “After awhile, my dresses no longer fit properly and I had no energy to replace them. Whatever strength I had was devoted to trying to find a way to survive after Jeord disposed of me because I had heard enough of his thoughts on marriage to realize he would never take a concubine and I was certainly not the woman he wanted as his wife. One day I came before the Queen in a dress hanging off my shoulders and she sat me down, made me eat a complete meal, and stared at me for about ten minutes without speaking. She told me that I had been absent from the public too long and, as the most likely future Queen, I needed to have some engagement with the people I would rule. I have no idea why she said so. It was obvious that I would be fortunate to retire to a small estate with a courtesy title, never mind becoming Queen. Yet before I could even respond to the conversation, she had bundled me off with a letter of introduction to an orphanage near my new home with the understanding that I would have to make regular public appearances of service.”

Two shadow women sipped cups of tea in unison and a rose bloomed between them, shimmering in the air before disappearing.

“The children were…” said Katarina 20, closing her eyes.

Shadowed children attached themselves to an alarmed looking shadow woman, who gradually became less tense and alarmed and gathered them in her arms.

Katarina 16 reached towards the scene before pulling her hand back, her lips white.

“I was never going to have children,” Katarina 20 said calmly, “and it was such a gift to realize that I wasn’t the monster that the gossip had painted me as, that I could just be… happy. It made me able to bear the pleasure and pain of the nights because my days were so full of laughter.”

The woman and the man appeared again and the woman slowly started moving away from the man, who was still looking away from her.

“I wanted to be kind,” said Katarina 20, “not for Jeord, not to be his perfect fiancée, but because I wanted to laugh, to be happy, in whatever way was available to me. The children made me laugh and I could make them laugh. When I listened to the shopkeepers in the market, they smiled and I could make them laugh when I spoke with them. I would carefully and subtly leave them and the orphanage money when they appeared to be in trouble and no one ever noticed. It was…”

Katarina 20 shook her head. “I had entirely stopped all preparations for the wedding and I knew what I had to do next, but something was still holding me back. Jeord came every night and for awhile, I was able to pretend. I no longer went to the palace and I poured all of my energy into the orphanage. It was the happiest I think that I had ever been. Then Maria came to find me.”

Two shadowed women bloomed up from the ground and started moving towards one another.

Katarina 16 let out a soft gasp.

“I was walking back from the market when she appeared in front of me,” said Katarina 20. “She didn’t even speak but she did something and the light magic poured out from her like a giant wave.”

One of the shadowed women flinched backwards, her hand shielding her face as the other continued moving towards her.

“She stood in front of me and the force of her light magic was overwhelming,” said Katarina 20. “I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if she touched me, I would die.”

Katarina 20 stared out into space. “What could I do to protect myself? Unlike you, dearest, I had no combat training and my magic, as it ever has been, was only capable of creating an earth bump. I had purchased a small knife after a bad… incident when returning from the orphanage. I pulled it then, knowing how useless it was in the face of her power, and told her to come no closer.”

Katarina watched in sick horror as the shadow woman moved backwards, brandishing a small knife, and the other woman raised her hands and-

“She smiled,” said Katarina 20, “and started moving towards me. Then she stopped smiling.”

Katarina 20’s voice was barely a whisper. “I will never understand what happened then or why, but suddenly half the shopkeepers in the market were behind me and told Maria to leave and never return.”

Suddenly, there were numerous shadows near the two women frozen in place, all of them standing behind the shadow with the knife.

“I will never forget her face,” said Katarina 20. “She looked startled, as if the world was not turning in the way she expected. I… I fell to the ground after she left and someone helped me back to my house.”

One of the shadows tumbled to the ground as the other burst into an explosion of black petals.

“I think I knew then,” said Katarina 20, “but gods did I want to live. I returned immediately to Claes manor and begged on my knees before my father to release me from my engagement, no matter how close we were to its finalization. I swore before him that, if the marriage went ahead, I would be dead before the year was out.”

“I don’t remember much of that conversation,” Katarina 20 said, her eyes saying something very different than her words, “but Keith found me afterwards and politely and distantly helped me back to my room.”

A crumpled figure on the ground was helped to her feet by a male shadow who kept her arm resting on his as they moved.

“He was,” she said in a tone of revelation, “kind about the whole thing, even if he kept politely insulting me about the weight I had lost. I think I even imagined him singing me to sleep when I collapsed on my childhood bed.”

The shadow on the bed closed her eyes and the male shadow leaned over her to brush her hair back from her forehead before retreating into the darkness.

“When I woke again,” said Katarina 20, “I went out to the small meadow at the edge of the Claes Forest where I liked to sit and think about my options. That was where Jeord and the executioners from the Ministry of Magic found me.”

Katarina 20 paused and the silence was as heavy as a blade.

Katarina 16 closed her eyes as five shadows approached the woman seated on the ground.

“I knew my parents must have told them where I was, because how could Jeord possibly know anything about my habits? I was still processing that betrayal when the head executioner introduced himself and told me that I had been sentenced to death for the use of black magic to manipulate the minds of two men caught in the attempted murder of Maria.”

Katarina laughed then, a dry cheerless sound. “I could barely make an earth bump. What a different life I would have had if I could have forced the people around me to do as I wished!”

She stared into some far distance, her eyes focused on the past and not the shadows acting out her words in front of her. “They started to argue then – the executioners and Jeord. The ministry wished to take me back to the capital and interrogate me before they sent me to a firing squad but Jeord… Jeord insisted that he be the one to perform the deed. He drew his sword and began to walk towards me.”

As the shadow woman stood tall, the shadow man started to walk towards her, his blade drawn, and Katarina felt as if she would be sick.

“I could have run then,” said Katarina 20. “None of them knew the woods as well as me and I was right at its edges. I could have hidden in the woods until they were gone and thrown myself on the mercy of the parents who had betrayed me or the stranger who was my family’s heir to help me escape to exile. It tempted me.”

“But then,” she said, with a sharp breath, “I saw Jeord’s face. He expected me to run. It was written all over him. I… I knew I would die and I was determined then, as I had never been for anything else in my life, that I would make Jeord look at me. He would know, even as he ran the sword through my body, who exactly he had killed and what exactly he had cost me.”

The shadow sword descended and the woman reached out and finally, finally, the man looked towards her and Katarina 16 let out something that might have been a sob.

The shadow theater vanished into the darkness of the void.

Katarina 20 closed her eyes. “You know what happened then. As I reached out at the end, I only had one word: ‘Why? ’ It is the answer I think all of us seek, although I realize now that my answer was perhaps easier than many of the rest of us.”

“You were inconvenient to Jeord,” said Katarina in a whisper, her lips bloodless.

“I was inconvenient to both of them, Maria and Jeord,” said Katarina 20. “An engagement, as you have discovered, is not so easy a thing to dissolve when there are other political powers at play or when one of the parties will not agree to its dissolution. To make a commoner a queen is no simple thing and angering one of the most powerful houses in the land is not a good start to that pathway.”

“All I ask,” she said, her eyes uncountably older than her years, “is that you remember how Jeord Stuart and Maria Campbell dealt with someone who was an inconvenience to them.”

Time, Katarina thought, was a strange thing.

She wasn’t sure how long she stood in silence, watching the Council watch her, but by the time she finally spoke, she felt like someone who had aged years in a single day.

Her mind felt sluggish, but there were some things that were painfully clear, like blades thrust deep into her heart.

“You did all of it right,” said Katarina, almost to herself, not able to look at the woman who had told her the story that shook her to her core. “You were the kind of fiancée I’ve always been taught that I should be. I don’t understand.”

Katarina 11 sauntered over to Katarina, putting a heavy arm over her shoulder as she leaned into Katarina’s ear.

“I, on the other hand,” said Katarina 11 in a deep rasp, “did everything wrong.”

“But,” she said, gesturing towards the pale and silent Katarina 20, “we’re both dead. So what does that tell you?”

Katarina closed her eyes, squared her shoulders, and then carefully, painfully opened her eyes and looked around the Council.

“There’s nothing I can do that will make the people who want me dead stop trying to make me dead. If I stay,” said Katarina slowly, “at some point, Jeord is going to get bored playing with the assassins and he’ll let them come after me. He’s interested in me and my people right now, but for how long?”

The Council was silent and Katarina took a deep shuddering breath. “I don’t know how Maria’s involved in this, but in every one of your lives, she always wins, always. If she’s tied to the assassins…”

Katarina felt the betrayal as freshly as the first moment she’d realized who the Voice was, but she pushed forward anyways. “If the assassins come after me, I’ll die, but won’t they also hurt the people around me? Will they kill Anne to get to me? Keith? Mary?”

She closed her eyes and felt the shadow-weight of a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re the peak Katarina,” said Katarina 20 softly. “We’ll help you no matter what you choose to do.”

“How long,” said Katarina trying to ignore the shake in her voice, “would it take for me to gather enough resources to leave the country?”

When she felt the shadowy arms settle around her, Katarina wished with all her heart that she had a single friend in the world to hold her in their embrace.

Katarina woke in her own bed, not quite sure how she had managed to return to her room unnoticed. Neither Keith nor Anne were in the room and Katarina was relieved to have a few extra minutes to compose herself and prepare to face the day.

She had expected questions about her strange behaviour, but nobody said anything at all when she went down to breakfast. If anything, everyone seemed to be studiously cheerful, although Katrina supposed it was odd to have both the Duke and Millidiana joining her and Keith for breakfast.

She almost swore that they were staring at her whenever she wasn’t looking, but decided that was too paranoid a thought, even for her state of caution.

“How have your studies been going, Katarina?” said Duke Claes, casually cutting his sausage into pieces too small to lift with a fork.

Katarina blinked before plastering on Expression 293 Of Course Your Interest Isn’t Concerning And I Am Not Planning My Exit.

“Well,” said Katarina, stalling, “well…”

“She’s on the Student Council and writes an advice column with the vice-president,” said Keith coolly, taking a large and firm bite of his sausage in between his words. “She’s the seventh-ranked academic student in the school.”

“She is?” said Duke Claes and Millidiana, simultaneously, their eyes wide, and Katarina felt a completely unexpected wave of hurt wash over her.

“I’m not feeling hungry,” she said, pushing her plate back with a fixed smile. “I’ll be going now.”

She had lots to do!

She was a busy avoider of murder!

It didn’t matter that her parents didn’t know her and thought she was stupid!

After all, if they didn’t spend time with her, they couldn’t know her well enough to want to murder her, could they?

She quickly left the house, feeling too uncomfortable to even spend time with Keith, although she knew that she would have to address the previous evening at some point with him.

All she wanted to do was to stop feeling as if her skin was slowly strangling her.

Unfortunately, the Council took her huddled escape under a large tree as an indication that she wanted to start planning.

They were all talking at once, gesturing at themselves and at her and Katarina’s head ached.

“Order,” said Katarina 20, clapping her hands. “Order!”

The noise descended to a mild rumble.

“It won’t take long,” said Katarina 29 (death by someone capable of masterminding the terrifying creature that is Nicol Ascart) abruptly and it took Katarina a few seconds to realize that Katarina 29 was answering the question that Katarina had asked about how long it would take to be able to safely flee the country.

“However,” said Katarina 20, looking annoyed at Katarina 29, “your ability to prepare isn’t the problem. You’ve been well-trained in stealth and survival, dear heart, and your abilities to escape aren’t in doubt. You have the basic languages necessary to survive in other lands and there is nearly enough money in the hidden accounts now to leave and live comfortably until you are settled somewhere safe and able to use some of your business plans. However, that’s not the major concern for setting the time to leave.”

“The Ministry of Magic may or may not personally want you dead,” said Katarina 2 (death by either a traumatized teenager’s accident or a vast conspiracy – you decide), pushing up her glasses, “but they will have a legitimate reason to pursue you openly if you leave before the end of the Academy. All magic users are required to attend the Academy, no exceptions. If you stay until the end of your-”

-and here she made giant quotation marks with her fingers “-training, then they won’t be able to publicly chase you. You will become, to be blunt, a family issue rather than a national security issue.”

“That doesn’t mean of course,” said Katarina 18 (Maria Campbell and the Ministry of Magic may or may not have masterminded my death ask me anything), “that they can’t chase you, but it would be much more challenging and would raise awkward questions if they were caught. I’d think there would be easier marks for them to pursue if you were no longer easily accessible.”

“As Katarina 20 mentioned, you’ve already started funneling some resources under Mr. Knife’s Better Savings and Loan Instructional Plan,” said Katarina 28 (no actually Nicol Ascart masterminded my death you unbelievable fools), “but you’ll need to brush up on your languages even more than you already have been. While most lands near us speak enough of a common language to be understood, I suspect we’ll need to go even farther afield.”

“Does that mean,” said Katarina hesitantly, “that I’m finally going to learn Sableian?”

“Why on earth would you learn Sableian?” said Katarina 16, in a tone of complete astonishment.

“Because so many of the commoners speak it here and it might be useful while traveling?” said Katarina trying to stand firm in the face of the utter disbelief on the Council’s faces.

“If you wind up in Le Sable,” said Katarina 16 flatly, “it’s going to be because you’re kidnapped, under coercion, or dead. Nobody deliberately goes to Le Sable, especially a runaway noble’s daughter with rich magical bloodlines.”

She sighed then, looking much more tired and exhausted than the other Council members who mostly looked excited. “For the record, I think this is all more than a little precipitous and I don’t necessarily agree that Jeord at least is actively planning your death, but I do agree that too many people are targeting you to not make plans. Those plans should involve a route that doesn’t include a country mostly known for exporting petty thieves, criminal organizations, and slavers. Leaving straight for the other continent would make it much harder for you to be pursued and also separate you from the potential of magically dangerous opponents.”

Katarina frowned, something about the very logical statements striking her as wrong, but the Council was already moving forward as if it was already a decision made and cemented.

“It’s a great plan,” said Katarina 18 enthusiastically. “It will also get you out of your promise to the Queen. She won’t need you once the Academy is ended anyways. Her sons will be back under her thumb then and you’ll have baited all the assassins she could ever want to interrogate. So there really won’t be any great powers left to pursue you!”

“I’m not sure that’s right,” said Katarina hesitantly.

“The Queen obviously expects to be able to continue to use me as a tool,” Katarina continued, thinking about her meetings, “and I think she does want me to be useful over a longer time than the end of the Academy.”

“Well,” said Katarina 22 (death by the Queen’s hat pin), “she’s not exactly doing much to see that you survive to the end of the Academy, is she? Jeord at least got guards after the assassination attempt, but you certainly didn’t.”

She was right of course, but Katarina couldn’t help but suspect that the Council was missing the larger point. Katarina couldn’t fully imagine that the Queen would just… let her go if she was still useful to the country and the Queen’s plans. She mentally sighed and realized that she was going to have to trust the Council and their years of experience with this.

Who else could she trust?

As the Council continued cheering and congratulating themselves, Katarina found herself slipping into deeper and darker thoughts.

Katarina didn’t say anything to the Council, but she had her own set of doubts about the plan that had nothing to do with whether or not the plan would work.

It was hard, when looking at the terrible lengths she was having to go to in order to prevent being murdered, to not start asking some much darker questions.

Why did so many people want her dead?

How had she managed to make so many people hate her that even leaving the country would still make them want to kill her?

Was there something about her that made people who were otherwise amazing, wonderful people, people very much like her people, want to murder her?

Did she deserve to die?

…

Would it be better if she was gone?

…

Katarina only realized that the Council had been talking to her rather than themselves when she saw all the expectant faces staring at her.

“Do you understand?” said Katarina 2, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yes,” said Katarina. “I understand very well.”

Katarina?

Katarina?

Katarina opened her eyes to stare up at the worried face of Keith and tried to manage a weak smile.

“Would you like pats?” she said.

“Katarina,” said Keith.

“Because I’d like to pat you,” she said.

Keith closed his eyes and sank to his knees before toppling onto her lap as if he was a puppet with his strings cut.

“Someone tried to kill me yesterday,” Katarina said calmly, as she gently threaded her fingers through Keith’s unnaturally soft hair. “I think you already guessed that. However, Maria Campbell was in the room when the assassin came in and I think I might be in trouble with the school if they learned that.”

Keith stiffened under her touch.

“You’re not,” he said finally. “Whoever Miss Campbell told about the attempt, it never made it back to the school. She might be keeping it quiet for her own reasons, but Alan interrogated all the staff at the party and nobody knew where you’d gone or what had happened. They were all scared about the body of some earl’s illegitimate second son who’d been serving as a palace servant and who was found with a knife in his chest. Nobody knew anything about you.”

“It was odd though,” Keith continued thoughtfully, “everyone seemed to have been expecting some big disruption. A secret baby being killed in a scuffle with a potential robber wasn’t nearly as exciting as the rumours were suggesting.”

“That’s not even,” said Keith, unfolding a piece of paper with Mary’s firm, dark writing, “getting into the letter Mary sent about why her father and the Ascarts’ parents recalled them. Apparently, when they arrived home, they discovered their families had received what looked like official letters from the royal family informing them that their children were being targeted for assassination if they attended the end of the year ball. It was even more interesting when they realized the letters were forged.”

“Mary sent the information to me by express,” said Keith softly, “but the messenger only arrived this morning. I wish I’d known before the ball so you didn’t have to get hurt. Again.”

“But I’m not hurt?” said Katarina, a little concerned by the bleak look in Keith’s eyes.

“Aren’t you?” said Keith.

For some reason, Keith’s words kept surfacing in Katarina’s mind as she went through her day, not sure why they affected her so heavily.

She was still pondering them by the time she went to bed and sank into yet another troubled sleep.

furious face wide eyes shaking hands

bloodandpaingodsithurts

I’m glad you’re gone.

Katarina bolted upright, sweating, eyes wide.

Katarina 20 closed her eyes as Katarina looked down at her unbloodied chest.

“Okay,” said Katarina, ignoring Keith to get out of bed, “enough is enough.”

When Keith awoke several hours later, he stared at her in a way that Katarina found very rude.

“Katarina,” said Keith in a strangely hesitant voice, “why don’t you come get some sleep?”

“Sleep,” said Katarina, her eyes wide as she frantically scrawled ever more terrible drawings of how to practice maneuvers to prevent stabbings and rabid dogs and poisoned food and cabbages, “is for people who don’t have murderable faces.”

Keith’s eyes widened. “Why would you think you have a-”

“Never mind,” said Keith, coming over to her desk. “Is that a… rotting corpse?”

“It’s a cabbage!” snarled Katarina. “An evil murderous cabbage!”

“Maybe,” said Keith, “you could tell me what you want to show and I could draw it for you?”

Deeply offended by the implicit insult to her drawing abilities, Katarina was forced to begrudgingly admit that Keith’s diagrams were much more understandable than hers.

In fact-

“Keith,” said Katarina in awe, “you’re an amazing artist.”

Keith’s hand wobbled as he drew a meticulous image of a squirrel being flattened by one of Mr. Knife’s Pleasant Surprise Barrels.

“I’m nothing special,” he said, shifting his head so that his face was obscured by a curtain of hair.

“Are you trying to be cunning?” said Katarina, frowning as she tried to determine whether Keith had been spending too much time with Alan. “Because I’m telling you right now, I’m not sure I’m capable of understanding cunning right now.”

Before Keith could respond with something no doubt brilliant and too much for Katarina to comprehend, a soft knock on the door had them both spinning in place.

Katarina couldn’t remember the last time Duke Claes had come to her room when he wasn’t accusing Keith of doing bad things, and, judging by his hesitant expression, neither could he.

“Katarina?” he said hesitantly. “Keith? Your… friends are here.”

Katarina wasn’t too puzzled by the news to notice that Keith didn’t look nearly as puzzled as she did.

“Oh,” said Keith in the most awkward attempt at a fake expression of surprise that Katarina had ever seen, “isn’t that strange? We should go see them, Katarina.”

Katarina wasn’t entirely convinced that wandering down to the door to meet strange people who pretended to be her friends in her nightdress was a good idea, but she assumed that Keith had some kind of plan.

“As you say,” said Katarina, gracefully rising from her chair as the pictures on her desk rose with the energy of her rocking her chair backwards.

“Perhaps,” said Duke Claes, who Katarina had forgotten was even present, “you might wish to wear some er… more public attire?”

“Yes,” said Keith, his eyes widening, “that might be a good idea. For both of us.”

Katarina wasn’t sure why he’d changed his mind, but it didn’t take her long to prepare with the help of Anne and the maid who was truly skilled at doing Things to hair.

When she walked out the front door of the manor, she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t expected the scene in front of her.

Of course her people would pretend to be her friends if they saw the Duke at the door! It was only natural to try to keep their actual relationship private from her family, although why the Duke would have been opening the door was a mystery in the first place.

As it was, she spent a long moment watching Sophia and Mary laughing at Nicol trying to evade Little Kat’s attempts to get him to pat her while Alan seemed to be having a heated discussion with Keith and… Jeord? about some aspect of the shrubbery, based on where they were pointing.

“How did you get Little Kat in the carriage?” said Katarina when her curiosity was too great to allow her to watch any longer.

“Oh,” said Sophia, her eyes brightening as she started moving towards Katarina, “there was no need to put her inside. She’s quite capable of following along behind. She tried to go up front but the horses were such divas about it.”

Before Katarina could work out that thought, the other people were swarming towards her as well and she was in the middle of a mass of laughing bodies that only moved backwards when it became obvious that she couldn’t respond to any of them if all of them were talking.

“Not that I’m not glad to see you,” said Katarina, “but why are you here?”

To her considerable surprise, and with a sinking pit in her stomach from images that she couldn’t quite shake, it was Jeord who stepped forward.

“My dear brother Alan,” said Jeord with a broad smile as he threw his arm over Alan’s shoulders and Alan irritably and charmingly attempted to shake him off, “told me that you had given approval for sleepovers.”

He raised the hand that wasn’t firmly gripping his brother and placed it theatrically against his forehead. “I am devastated that your security concerns prevent them from becoming a reality.”

Katarina was rather impressed with Jeord’s ability to make every single one of her people glare at him simultaneously.

“But it occurred to me,” said Jeord, apparently made even more cheerful by the anger of those around him, “that there were other ways to celebrate your birthday that were nearly as entertaining.”

“My birthday?” said Katarina, her eyes wide. “It’s… my birthday?”

It was, she realized.

She hadn’t remembered it was and neither had her parents but…

All of her people looked up at her in anticipation.

“I don’t know what your parents were thinking, not even having a party,” said Mary with a sniff, “but we have much better ideas anyways.”

“You mean I do,” said Jeord, letting go of Alan so that he could frown at Mary. “This was my idea.”

“Say it too often,” said Sophia idly, as Little Kat joined her at her side, “and I’ll start your training for Little Kat’s target practice early.”

“Anyways,” said the extremely clever Alan hastily, “Anne already helped us pack what you need, so all you have to do is come with us.”

“You’re not going to tell me where we’re going?” said Katarina, wondering what the strange feeling in her chest was.

“Do you trust us?” said Nicol, holding out his hand, his voice laughing, but his eyes serious.

“Yes,” said Katarina.

She only identified the feeling in her chest after she was already in the carriage and they were driving away from the estate. She’d always thought this sort of thing would be more dramatic and wonderful and terrible and full of bloody murder, based on the Council experiences.

She had to be wrong about it.

It couldn’t be what she thought it was because it just felt like a small branch further of everything she already felt.

“I can’t love them,” she said to the Council. “I can’t.”

The Council said absolutely nothing at all.

It was a lake.

A very large lake with a beautiful picnic full of delicious food laid out in front of it, none of which seemed to contain cabbage.

There didn’t appear to be any cake, but Katarina was more than happy to just… not have to worry about murder for a few hours.

It was maybe the best gift anyone could have granted her.

Little Kat started chasing after some birds on the lakeshore and the servants started unpacking some trunks from the back of the carriage and Katarina realized that the intention was to go swimming based on the clothing her people were pulling out of the trunks.

Somehow Katarina found herself slowing down while everyone else rapidly got ready, Anne not there to make her move when she found herself frozen.

By the time she had finally dressed herself in appropriate swimming attire, everyone had vanished, lured by the water and the slightly more private corner of the lake, free from stone-faced servants.

Slowly, Katarina walked towards them along the higher hill that looked out over the water. She was within hearing range very shortly and then she could see them and then…

Katarina paused.

Her people were shrieking and laughing and splashing one another with wild abandon and as she watched them, connected and intertwined, she forced herself to face the truth she had been avoiding.

Her people would be fine when she left.

And Katarina was going to have to leave. There was no doubt about that at all anymore. Whatever the Queen’s plans, whatever tiny hopes Katarina had been growing, it was obvious that if Katarina stayed in Sorcier, she would die.

Maybe even more importantly, as much as Katarina tried to push the thoughts to the back of her mind, if Katarina stayed in Sorcier, her people would die.

All that planning that Katarina had done was going to have to be used to find a fast exit after the Academy was finished, so that the Ministry of Magic didn’t have a valid reason to hunt her once she crossed the border.

Looking at her people now, Katarina could see how they were all friends in a way that they never could be with her. She wouldn’t pretend that she wasn’t valuable to them for what she could offer, but they didn’t need her.

They would survive.

Katarina only hoped that she would, too.

Katarina enjoyed swimming.

The water was cold.

She hoped her smile wasn’t cold, too.

When Keith and Katarina arrived back at the Claes estate, Keith exited the carriage laughing and gesturing while Katarina smiled and nodded. She trailed along behind him towards the door of the manor, when he suddenly froze.

“Children,” said Duke Claes, Millidiana standing by his side in front of the entrance, “we need to speak with you.”

It was a strange recreation of that terrible scene in the Duke’s office and, judging by the way the Duke flinched when he saw Katarina press closer to Keith as their grips on one another’s hands tightened, he realized what she was thinking.

“You’re not in trouble,” he said hastily. “This is not a punishment.”

Millidiana raised an eyebrow. “I think you might want to re-try that opening, my dear.”

The Duke swallowed.

“It has occurred to me,” he said haltingly, “that perhaps the pressures being placed on both of you and my poor use of time to allocate to spend with you and the rampant attempts at murder that no one told me about-”

“What,” said Millidiana coolly, “I believe that your father is trying to say is that leaving diagrams of ‘Ways to Avoid Being Murdered’ all over your desk is an excellent way to ask for a private family vacation. We’ll be leaving in two days to the summer estate. It will be a family only vacation for the duration of your leave from school, so do make sure none of your charming little friends get any ideas about ‘being in the area’.”

With that, she firmly pushed them out of the office and turned back to Duke Claes who was still making strange rumbling noises while gesturing incoherently.

Katarina and Keith looked at one another.

They looked back at the office.

Without a word, both of them marched back to their bedroom and went to bed.

Katarina wasn’t exactly surprised that Mary invited her for a visit the next morning since Mary was Amazing and Perfect and seemed to know everything.

She was a little surprised that Keith was the one to push her out the door, a haunted expression on his face as he said, “Save yourself. I’m going to go explore the other side of the country for the next two days.”

Katarina didn’t think he was actually joking but she supposed the house had been a little… disrupted when they had woken in the morning.

She had no idea the Duke was so interested in micromanaging servants or that he even knew what a reticule was or that Katarina might want to pack it for a long trip. She just wished that he’d maybe waited until later than four in the morning to supervise the servants retrieving it from her room.

It was a relief to meet with Mary, whose home did not seem to be composed of men looking for reticules.

“Beautiful and perfect Mary!” said Katarina in real joy. “There is nothing as wonderful as spending intimate time with Lady Friends!”

Mary closed her eyes and said something that sounded remarkably like patience.

Katarina decided this was another aspect of Mary’s brilliance and perfection she would never understand.

Her mood became slightly less buoyant when she actually entered the manor. The house felt strangely empty, the servants much more sparse than when Katarina normally visited. When Katarina asked Mary if something was happening, she shrugged.

“Father is off visiting his other daughters,” she said, “and I insisted that he take most of his staff with him.”

Katarina paused in her movements, unable to stop herself from gently reaching out to place a hand on Mary’s arm.

“How do you feel about that?” Katarina said tentatively.

“You never ask the easy questions, do you?” said Mary with a rueful laugh. “Let’s answer this somewhere much more calming.”

She moved her arm so swiftly and cleanly that Katarina didn’t even realize that she had threaded their fingers together until they were already moving again.

The warmth of Mary’s hand and the confusion of the feelings that weren’t actually real occupied Katarina’s mind so thoroughly that she barely realized they were in Mary’s personal garden until they were seated amongst the flowers.

When Mary pulled her hand away, Katarina felt its loss like a physical blow.

As it was, Mary stood up abruptly and plucked one of the roses in front of her while staring off over her flowers.

“They are still his daughters,” said Mary. “I’ll never begrudge him looking after people he sees as family.”

She smiled a smile that felt as if it should freeze the rose in her hands.

“Trying to kill me with fire was an accident, but those people wanted me miserable and in pain for the entire time I lived with them and my father...”

Mary took a deep breath.

“My mother’s death devastated him, but I was still alive and he wouldn’t even look at me,” Mary said, holding the rose out in front of her. “He had to know how they were treating me, the servants at least being neither blind nor deaf, but he did nothing.”

“Then you came,” said Mary softly, the rose glinting in the sunlight, “and everything changed.”

“I’m the heir now, you know?” she said, gently running a finger over the petals. “More importantly, there is never a day where Father is at the house and doesn’t have at least one meal with me or share his thoughts on what he is doing or ask for my thoughts in turn.”

“What’s done can’t be undone,” said Mary, absently turning the rose over in her hands. “It will never be what it could have been.”

She took a deep breath, and Katarina was almost hypnotized by the slow shedding of petals occurring with her rapid rotation of the stem. “I nearly died because he wasn’t willing to pay attention to what was happening. If I hadn’t had you, I would have been dead. He’ll never be able to fix that.”

Suddenly, Mary paused, and the flower, rather limply, froze in place. “But he’s trying. It’s more than I ever expected of him and he knows now that it can’t be what he thought it was. He’s willing to make something new.”

“That means something,” said Mary softly.

Katarina had read so many books trying to learn things that would help her survive.

She knew that hugs were things that only friends or family or people who loved one another shared and yet…

“Would you like a hug?” said Katarina, her voice as soft and fragile as the petals falling to the ground.

Mary’s arms were wrapped around her immediately as she curled into Katarina’s shoulder as if her head was meant to fit there.

For what felt like a lifetime, all Katarina could hear was Mary’s ragged breathing and all she could smell was rose and Mary.

Then, Mary drew back just enough that she could look Katarina directly in the eyes.

“I’d like to kiss you,” said Mary, her voice firm and sincere and the most terrifying thing Katarina had ever heard, “and I’d like it to mean what I want it to mean. But I’m not going to kiss you now, Katarina, and I’m going to tell you why.”

Mary leaned so close to Katarina that Katarina could taste the rose on her breath. “There’s something you’re holding onto, something you think you can’t share which is hurting you so much… and I’m not going to add to the weight you’re carrying. It’s more than me who wants to kiss you and you’re going to have to decide how many of us you want to kiss, if any of us. But none of us will, you know. Not until you feel safe enough to tell us why you look so haunted when you think we aren’t looking at you. So, Katarina? If you want to do anything at all, you’re going to have to decide whether or not you want to trust us with the real truth.”

Katarina stared at Mary, her mind completely, perfectly blank.

Mary removed herself entirely and stood in front of Katarina, tall and unmoving.

“Have a good summer,” said Mary with a perfect, beautiful smile. “I look forward to speaking with you when you return.”

Several hours later, Katarina was still sitting on her bed, staring at her mirror with wide eyes.

“So,” she said finally, “do my people want to expand our mutually beneficial relationships to include relations?”

“I see,” said Katarina 11, “that you are just going to ignore their demands in return for those relations.”

“Kissing,” said Katarina, touching her lips, and staring at the wild-eyed girl in the mirror. “Relations.”

“Well,” said Katarina 35 with a long, slow drawl, “looks like we’ll be needing the Almanac of Boring Facts and Places after all.”

If the Duke and Duchess had expected Katarina to protest their plans, they would have been disappointed.

Katarina managed to avoid the entire process of getting ready and arriving at the summer estate by virtue of not being much more than a wide-eyed shadow until she suddenly blinked her eyes and realized that she was in an unfamiliar bedroom.

“Are we,” she said blinking, “at the summer estate?”

“I’m not sure what Mary did,” said Keith, pausing in the process of pulling his nightshirt over his head. Katarina suddenly realized with a true sense of horror that he was muscled.

When did Keith develop muscles?

And why were they moving like that?

“-less stressed so have to thank her,” said Keith, laughing, before he paused and looked at Katarina more closely.

“Did she,” he said tentatively, “actually knock you out? Because I’m not sure that’s entirely safe.”

“You’re a knock out,” said Katarina numbly.

There was a very long silence.

“I will be writing her,” said Keith through gritted teeth, “a very strongly worded letter. Damn it, Mary.”

He closed his eyes and sighed, “It’s a good thing I had Mr. Knife and Inside and Outside come with us as part of the servant roster before the Duke and Duchess noticed. I’m not sure how well you’ll fend for yourself like this.”

That was enough to rouse Katarina out of her deep fog of strange feelings.

Keith might have gently rippling muscles, but nobody was allowed to say Katarina wasn’t Good at Surviving. Katarina was the best at not being murdered! She had the cabbages and everything!

“I,” said Katarina, deeply offended, “know all the Gentle Persuasion Techniques and Building Ascension Techniques and How To Hide A Knife Under A Skirt and-”

“You’re right,” said Keith.

Katarina stopped in mid-rant and stared at him.

“You’re right,” said Keith. “You are more than capable of protecting yourself, but, Katarina, people keep trying to kill you and it makes me feel better if it’s not just you having to constantly fight them off by yourself. Isn’t that why you hired Inside and Outside in the first place?”

“Oh,” said Katarina.

That… was not what she expected.

Sometimes, Katarina wondered why Keith stuck to their bargain, because it seemed like he gave her so much more than she gave him.

“Look,” said Keith, obviously misinterpreting her silence, “I’m not trying to make you feel more worried just… consider it a favour to me?”

“I under-” said Katarina, but Keith had already tucked himself into bed, obviously considering the conversation closed.

As Katarina curled up around him, she wondered why looking after herself would be a favour to Keith and slipped into a gentle, if confused, sleep.

When she woke, she was not less confused as Keith wasn’t present and the maid who normally did her hair had been reassigned to make Katarina wear something that very much wasn’t her normal clothing.

“I’ve received instructions,” said the maid, with a roll of her eyes, “that you are to get dressed to go riding and are to appear at the entrance as soon as you are ready.”

The maid looked irritated with her new duties, but Katarina supposed they couldn’t bring the entire household with them to the estate. Deciding not to irritate her further, Katarina put on the riding habit, wondering if Keith or Mr. Knife had some strategy or training planned that involved escaping by horseback. Katarina hadn’t had any good escape training in awhile and she had enjoyed the sessions on fleeing pursuers by leaping over objects.

When Katarina reached the entrance, she discovered that she wanted to do an entirely different kind of fleeing.

“I er…” said the Duke, “hope that you had a good sleep?”

“I did not wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if my existence was meaningful,” said Katarina truthfully and subtly.

That should keep him placated!

Katarina was a little concerned by the way his face paled, but since she seldom saw him during daylight, perhaps he was not used to direct sunlight.

“Shall we go outside?” said the Duke, shuffling slightly on the spot.

Katarina nodded and followed him, wondering at the sheer awkwardness of the way he constantly kept looking over at her as they approached the stables where two horses were already saddled and waiting in the hands of two impassive-faced grooms.

“I,” said Duke Claes, almost shyly, “thought you might like horse riding. We haven’t ridden together since…”

I was a child, thought Katarina.

Duke Claes faltered. “For too long.”

He stared at Katarina with an intensity that discomforted her.

“You’re so tall,” he said softly. “Your straps will need to be adjusted.”

One of the grooms efficiently adjusted the horse that Katarina presumed was hers and she found herself mounted and moving in a far shorter time than she would have expected.

Something else she didn’t expect was how the Duke almost became a different man when atop his stallion.

It wasn’t even necessarily that he seemed like a completely different person, it was that the person he became was-

“And there,” said the Duke with an animated gesture, “is the ancient guardhouse, dating back to the time when all estates had to be built to withstand sieges. We still use it for special parties to show people how old defensive building structures were crafted. It even had a motte and bailey before the reconstruction and it still has its original slit windows and-”

The person he became was-

“And this,” said the Duke, beaming like a proud parent, “is the old groundskeeper’s manse where we stage hunting parties when in season. It’s built in the style of our great ancestor Whet Claes who was styled Clae at the time and-”

The person he became was very similar to the butler who took guests on estate tours?

“It’s very beautiful,” said Katarina, both truthfully and more than a little confused.

“It’s yours,” said Duke Claes, not quite looking at her. “No matter what happens, this estate is yours. ”

Obviously the Duke had some plan or scheme that required using Katarina as a pawn, but nothing about the way he was handling the situation allowed Katarina to determine what it was. Katarina wondered when her world would start making sense again.

The next few days did nothing to answer her question.

“Keith,” said Katarina, when she rolled into bed in exhaustion, “did you know that there are fifteen different flying buttresses on this estate?”

“Oh Katarina,” said Keith and Katarina was asleep before he’d even pulled her into his arms.

Katarina still wasn’t sure what Duke Claes was trying to accomplish, but it did remind her that she had responsibilities of her own to attend to.

“Anne,” said Katarina hesitantly.

“Yes?” said Anne, who had patiently followed Katarina out to the private garden behind the summer house without asking any awkward questions.

Katarina closed her eyes and tried to find the right words.

She was going to leave and once she left, as terribly as he’d treated her, Duke Claes was only going to have one daughter. Based on what he was attempting with Katarina, that might be something he eventually remembered. It seemed unfair for Katarina not to start preparing Anne for the possibility.

“Do you,” said Katarina carefully, “ever wish you had a closer relationship with your father?”

For the first time Katarina couldn’t remember, Anne looked genuinely shocked by something she’d said.

“Katarina,” said Anne, and Katarina realized she couldn’t remember the last time Anne had called her ‘my lady’ or ‘Lady Katarina’, “why do you think I need a closer relationship with That Man?”

Well, that didn’t seem promising for the Duke.

“I don’t,” said Katarina, miserable and confused, “but it seems unfair that you don’t get to know that you have a family that loves you and wants you and looks after you…”

She trailed off as she tried to understand the expression on Anne’s face.

“Katarina,” said Anne, gently tapping the tip of Katarina’s nose, that strange sad, beautiful expression on her face, “do you really think that I don’t know who my family is?”

“Well,” said Katarina, as she tried to review where she’d gone wrong, “at least Anne’s not mad at me? I think?”

The Council stared at her and Katarina was profoundly irritated by their lack of support.

“Keith next then!” she said with a forced cheerfulness. “At least that can’t possibly go wrong!”

It had occurred to Katarina as she gently pulled Keith out to the same garden she’d taken Anne, that she really had been a neglectful master over the past few years. Pats and walks were all well and good, but all pet raising manuals also insisted that you should know more about your pet’s specific needs and wants.

It was unfortunate that Katarina would only learn them as a way to make sure that Keith could take care of himself once she was gone.

“Keith,” said Katarina gently, once they were settled amongst the flowers, his head in her lap, “what do you like?”

“You,” said Keith without any hesitation.

Katarina ignored the roughness in her eyes and throat. She understood suddenly and utterly how the Katarinas in her mind had ignored the reality around them in order to misinterpret sweet words that didn’t mean what they thought the words meant.

“What else?” said Katarina.

There was a long silence.

Keith looked away from her, his hair falling into his eyes as his head bowed towards his chest.

Katarina wasn’t sure if he was going to speak at all until a surprisingly shy voice emerged. “Sometimes, when I have time, I like to… I like to sketch things that catch my attention. They’re nothing special, but it’s fun when I have nothing to do.”

“Your drawings are amazing,” said Katarina heatedly, “if you like doing them, you should do more of them. You’re incredibly talented.”

“You don’t have to be polite,” said Keith stiffly.

“Keith,” said Katarina with a long-suffering sigh, “when am I ever polite?”

She realized immediately after she said it that it wasn’t exactly what she intended to say, but Keith seemed so delighted that she didn’t have the heart to correct herself.

Once he started openly drawing and sharing the images with her, Katarina saw no reason to correct the misunderstanding.

She was more irritated that the Duke’s demands on her time increased rather than decreased as the week dragged on. It wasn’t enough that he took her on endless horse rides, but he also insisted on other joint “family” events.

The less said about the family bonding over Sorcierian trivia competitions, the better.

All it had done was convince Katarina that Millidiana was the most terrifying person in the world to cross, even including the Queen.

One family activity was not negotiable though.

In addition to Katarina’s increased skill at horse-riding as she and the Duke constantly surveyed the estate, Katarina had grown resigned to the constant family meals.

It wasn’t that eating with the Duke and Duchess was necessarily bad, it was that-

“Randall’s gotten himself interested in manufacturing weapons,” said Duke Claes abruptly over the dinner table.

-if Katarina ever wondered where her complete lack of charisma and ability to charm people originated, five minutes of dinner table conversation with Duke Claes was sufficient to remind her.

Millidiana’s look was more fond than Katarina’s expression of barely concealed disdain, but her voice was still very dry as she said, “Do we really want to talk about your dueling partner’s desire to encourage war in the surrounding countries to make even larger piles of money for him to presumably swim in?”

“Randall would never encourage war!” said Duke Claes, looking both confused and a bit injured.

“How,” said Millidiana patiently, “do you think weapons are used?”

“To increase the number of dueling clubs of course!” said Duke Claes proudly.

Katarina was sure that her expression, for maybe the first time ever, identically mirrored the expressions on Keith and Millidiana’s faces.

How could one person be so oblivious to the motivations of others?

Thank goodness, Katarina thought fervently, that I inherited Millidiana’s perception.

She was so buoyed by this realization that she even managed to negotiate an entire day to spend with Keith and Mr. Knife under the guise of training.

It made her feel so much better to not constantly have to be wondering when Duke Claes was going to reveal his true purpose that she was buoyant by the time that she and Keith returned to their room to prepare for dinner.

“Look,” said Keith, “someone left you something.”

Looking over, Katarina realized that there indeed was a note on her bed in the solid if terrible writing Katarina recognized from the hundreds of papers on Duke Claes’ desk.

Picking it up, she frowned.

“The Duke wants me to meet with him in the parlour in the old groundskeeper’s manse,” she said, stuffing the note into her pocket. “Apparently, he has a surprise for me.”

“Why don’t I come with you?” said Keith. “It’s unlikely you’d be ambushed crossing the grounds, but it would make me feel better.”

“I’d like that,” said Katarina. It was a half-hour or so to the building and Katarina would much rather spend that talking to her Best Boy than worrying over what the Duke had planned for her.

She felt rather smug at her decision because it was a genuine surprise when she realized they were on the steps of the building. For all that the building was regularly maintained and cleaned for hunting parties, there was something strangely ominous about the sound the door made when it opened and the absolute, utter silence of the building.

Keith followed her into the poorly lit entrance way before stopping and reaching towards her.

“I’ll wait for you here,” Keith said, squeezing her hand. “Don’t worry – I’m sure the Duke knows enough to only spring pleasant surprises on you.”

Katarina ignored his muttered I hope and smiled as she let go of his hand.

“I’ll be back right away,” she said.

Katarina frowned as she continued down the hallway, wondering why it was lit more poorly as she went along rather than brighter.

It wasn’t that far to the parlour, but every step felt much farther than it should have, probably due to the fact that the silence was as heavy as the darkness settling out of the range of the dim candles.

Relieved when she finally arrived at the parlour door, Katarina pushed it open…

There was no one inside.

There’s something wrong.

Katarina knows that she should trust her instincts and her instincts have been screaming at her since she first entered the manse.

She moves quickly, heading back towards the door, her heart in her throat, the silence even more ominous than before.

She sees Keith, dim in the light, sitting on the floor and something is wrong.

“Keith?” says Katarina, wondering why he is sitting like that, why he is so strangely slumped against the wall, why he looks like a puppet with its strings cut.

“Keith?” says Katarina again, her nervousness rising as he doesn’t respond.

There is a movement behind her, a shadow visible on the wall.

“Papa?” says Katarina, suddenly even more uneasy, the name from so long ago springing easily to her tongue in her nervousness.

“’Fraid not,” says a voice that sounds strangely familiar before Katarina stops hearing anything at all.

This isn’t what’s supposed to happen! This is wrong!

What do you think the end goal is, patron?

It’s supposed to affect the rent-seekers, the people who are grinding the proletariat under their heels, not Katarina.

Look, patron, we get your little friend out of here ourselves, we both die and then she dies too. You got a better idea?

We have to tell someone who can help her. Right now!

You figure out a way to do it, I’ll do it. Clock’s ticking though, patron.

Silence.

Cold hands against face, soft voice in ear.

I’m so sorry. I’ll make sure you won’t die! You won’t! I’ll go with you-

Sorry patron, I’ll give the little lady a fighting chance but you aren’t going to risk yourself on this mess. Sleep tight.

When Katarina wakes, the world is on fire.

She has no idea where she is or how she got there, but there is nothing but fire and she feels like the heat is going to melt her long before the flames do in this room full of flame.

She staggers to her feet.

She’s drugged.

She’s had more than enough training from Mr. Knife about poisons and paralyzers to know the taste in her mouth and what it represents.

Her limbs are barely moving, her mind sluggish, but she knows she has to reach the wall, to find an exit.

Door…

There has to be a door…

…

The door is on fire.

Through the flames, she can see glimmers of a chain and a lock thoroughly barring the entrance.

Barred from the inside.

Katarina tries to focus on her lessons – if someone barred the door from the inside, that means there must be…

She spins towards the windows.

-it still has its original slit windows-

Katarina stares at the ancient, narrow slits, impossible to enter or exit and her breath grows ragged.

She’s in the guardhouse.

The impenetrable, utterly fortified guardhouse.

It’s impossible to stop herself from rushing towards them, to look out, to confirm her horrifying suspicion, as she squints and tries to stare out at the grounds-

The face of her father stares back at her through the flames.

Katarina staggers backwards, sinks to her knees, barely able to breathe, barely able to think.

She only recognizes the Council member standing above her when she starts to speak.

“He arranged it,” says Katarina 36 softly. “I have to assume he arranged it and he just stood there, staring at me, and I could see his face through the flames. I’ll never understand why, but we don’t have time for that now.”

“My own father wants me dead,” says Katarina, her mind a fog of barely masked pain. “What is so uniquely terrible about me that my own father wants me dead?”

“We don’t have time for this,” says Katarina 36.

“Keith got hurt because of me, because my father wants to kill me so badly. Everyone wants to kill me. Maybe they’re right,” says Katarina. “Maybe I deserve to die.”

Suddenly, Katarina’s mind is filled with stinging pain.

“Don’t you dare tell such a terrible lie!” says Katarina 36, shaking her reddened palm. “You deserve to live a long and happy life! You are not going to die here! I didn’t give up until the moment I died and neither will you.”

Katarina can’t see the rest of the Council, but Katarina 36 is glowing and present and wild in a way that has nothing to do with the burning building.

Katarina 36 snarls with more ferocity than the flames around her. “You are smart and strong and have people who need you! You aren’t going to let something as stupid as fire defeat you!”

“No,” says Katarina, her voice growing in strength, “no I won’t.”

“First,” says Katarina 36, “get down to the ground and tear a strip off your dress to cover your mouth. Keep your head below the smoke and start crawling.”

“Where am I going?” says Katarina, efficiently following directions.

“There was a hole,” Katarina 36 says urgently. “If I’d found it earlier, I might have escaped before it got blocked by falling beams.”

Katarina crawls.

The world is burning and it is so hot her skin feels like it’s breaking and it hurts god it hurts and it would be easier to lie down and just stop-

“Stay close to the floor,” says Katarina 36, her voice strong and unafraid. “You can and will do this. You just have to keep moving.”

Katarina keeps crawling.

There’s a loud snap and something crackles and spews above her and she can feel the sparks hit her back.

“Don’t look up!” says Katarina 36, her voice barely more than a snarl. “There’s the hole! There!”

Katarina sees it and she crawls faster and she can feel the flame trailing her and licking at her and hear the way the woods screams and she moves like she’s never moved before and then she can’t move and she’s collapsing and-

Strong arms surround her and a beam cracks above them and a body moves to shield her and she is moving, not by herself but because someone is dragging her, and they smell familiar-

-sweat and parchment and horses-

and she feels strangely safe…

it is dark

…katarina…

Katarina can smell sweat and parchment and horses and when she blearily opens her eyes, she knows at once who is leaning over top of her.

“You saved me,” says Katarina sleepily. “Thank you, papa.”

The world is full of colour and movement and none of it is burning and Katarina slips back into sleep.

When Katarina woke again, there was a flurry of chaos and motion around her as people moved and shouted and then all vanished in an instance when someone said, “GO! ”

Katarina realized who it was instantly because he collapsed into the chair beside her bed and reached out to hold her hand with his.

Katarina stared at Luigi Claes and realized exactly what her continued state of not being murdered had cost him.

A livid burn mark ran the length of Luigi’s face, healing attempts visible at its edges. It would reduce, Katarina realized, but it would never entirely disappear.

Even light magic couldn’t completely remove a scar of that size.

“What happened? ” said Katarina.

“There was a slip of paper on my desk when I retired after dinner,” said Luigi, his face drawn. “I never saw who left it and I didn’t recognize the writing. I might not have believed it, but it contained a lock of your hair. I would have recognized it any-”

He stopped speaking and closed his eyes. “It was a warning. If you were to live, I had to come to the guardhouse. This was as much as they could do for me. The rest depended on whether I was as good a horseman as I thought myself.”

“I,” said Luigi and his voice cracked, “I… rode as fast as I could. I thought I had eliminated the factions in the household and in my arrogance-”

He opened his eyes and Katarina could almost see the flames reflected in them.

“I saw you and then I discovered all the entrances were sealed and aflame and I looked everywhere to find a breach and I found the hole… If I had been,” said Luigi, his lips white, “five minutes later, there would have been no entrance. ”

Suddenly, another voice spoke up and Katarina realized two more figures had entered the room, something that became even more obvious when Keith dropped into bed with her and wrapped himself around her as the other person continued speaking.

“There was a note,” said Millidiana, her face drawn to a fine point, “sent to tell us where to watch your body burn. It was attached to the door of the manor with a blade. Luigi left before it arrived, but it was obvious we were meant to arrive, helpless to save you.”

“And Keith?” said Katarina, her arm wrapped around him as he leaned against her side beneath the blanket.

“He was deposited on the doorstep below the note,” said Millidiana, her voice ragged, her eyes closed.

“My babies,” said Millidiana, her voice full of tears, “were hurt by some monsters and I don’t even know who they are.”

“Not quite true, ma’am. We got one of ‘em,” said Mr. Knife, appearing in the door like a grim shadow, Anne beside him. “Didn’t take too much gentle persuasion to find out who lured out the kiddo, though she won’t give up the name of who paid her to do so. Let me do some more work on that.”

Katarina realized how shaken her parents were when they didn’t make a single objection to the way Mr. Knife was talking. Katarina wasn’t even sure they’d officially met Mr. Knife but they seemed to be taking his words as absolute truth.

Even so, Katarina realized that there was something even more important than any of her other concerns, something she needed to know. She couldn’t feel any injuries and she assumed the light mages had been much more successful with her than Luigi. There was nothing to stop Katarina from doing what needed to be done.

“I want to see her,” said Katarina.

I want, thought Katarina, to know why.

“Kiddo,” said Mr. Knife hesitantly, even as a chorus of other voices rose around Katarina.

“I need to see her,” said Katarina.

Mr. Knife closed his eyes.

“Come with me, kid,” he said.

The room was small and dark and there was an entire troop of guards and Mr. Knife standing mere feet away from her, but Katarina felt less safe than she’d ever felt in her life.

“They weren’t supposed to kill you,” said the maid, her eyes filled with tears.

She was the one who experimented with my hair, Katarina realized distantly. She was the maid who planned to open a salon.

With what money? whispered Katarina’s logic, obviously back from a long vacation.

“You let in the footman who tried to strangle me,” said Katarina numbly, not even sure what was leaving her mouth. “You let the men who took me hurt Keith and nearly kill my father and for what? A handful of coins we would have been happy to lend you for your service?”

The maid’s expression changed dramatically and she spat on the ground in front of her. “What would one of the haut monde or bourgeoisie know about how hard it is to get a ‘handful of coins’?”

She sneered, even as the guards grabbed her. “You can pretend to be nice all you want and laugh and play at sweetness, but you’re all monsters underneath. The world would be better if you were dead!”

“No,” said Katarina, suddenly realizing the answer to the question that had been haunting her, “it wouldn’t.”

I want to live, thought Katarina. I don’t… I don’t deserve to die.

“You’re a child,” said the maid, “a stupid child who doesn’t understand anything. Why should your life be more important than my ability to get the life I deserve?”

“That,” said Katarina, as the maid was dragged away, “is your problem. Not mine.”