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Wakatoshi awoke to Tendou's hair tickling his face. The other man was still deeply asleep, draped half atop of him, mumbling incoherently into his neck. Usually Wakatoshi would happily bury his nose in Tendou's hair and let himself be lulled back into slumber by the fruity shampoo that his person used – but the familiar smell of his home could not provide him enough comfort today.
He could already feel the anxiety starting to creep up his spine, making him feel restless. He left their bed to go for an early morning run, hoping the well practised rhythm in which his feet hit the ground, the familiar arch in his muscles and even the sweat covering his skin would create enough of a grounding sensation for him to shut off his overthinking.
XXX
The thing was.. he knew that Tendou did not want to get married.
Wakatoshi himself did not see the necessity in it. It was a formality that neither of them valued and a social occasion that would push him right out of his comfort zone. He would have considered marriage only if it had been something that Tendou had wished for. But they had talked about it a long time ago and Tendou did not want to get married. Ever. Which was perfect. He was perfectly happy with calling Tendou his person and being referred to as Tendou's partner.
There was only one problem - Interviewers generally did not ask him if he was living in an exclusive long-term queerplatonic relationship with the person that he loved with all his heart and wanted by his side. Always.
They asked if he had a type, crushes, dates, girlfriends... all of which he truthfully negated. Which, to his utter bewilderment, only seemed to spur the reporters on.
Meanwhile, him and Tendou weren't exactly hiding their relationship. Wakatoshi always thought that if anyone would have a real interest in finding out about his private life, the tall redhead who came to all his games - usually clad in one of his old jerseys, who always cheered the loudest and sometimes even managed to sneak onto the court to throw himself into Wakatoshi's arms in his overenthusiastic version of a victory hug – would be quite the promising lead.
But the reporters he encountered seemed to already have a story in mind that they wanted to write, and they were determined to get something out of him that fit it. Last night, he had finally kind of.. snapped.
That his patience and understanding for interviewers ran thin as soon as they ventured outside the topic of volleyball was an established hurdle in his career as a professional player. And exactly the reason why he avoided live television interviews. But he couldn't get out of this one.
When the interviewer insisted that Wakatoshi simply must be tempted by all his female fans and kept speculating how Wakatoshi would surely 'thank' the most dedicated of them in a private setting and if Wakatoshi could imagine after having grown out of his 'wild youth' to tie the knot with one of them..? Wakatoshi simply answered with 'My husband would not like that.'
It had effectively shut the television host up and the interview ended quickly after. Only on Wakatoshi's way home - when his phone would not stop buzzing with messages from his teammates, managers and PR team - did the consequences of his little slip sink in. He had to pull the car over.
They would call him gay. Married. In a homosexual relationship. - All of which were not true. Maybe closer to the truth than their usual assumptions, but still. They would target Tendou as well and that was not okay.
Tendou was so attuned to language and the underlying meaning of words. He relished in the subtle nuances that usually went over Wakatoshi's head. Tendou was careful about labels, they were important to him. And Wakatoshi had not respected that. He felt like he exploited Tendou's trust. He failed his person and diminished their relationship to something it was not. Furthermore, he let himself be dragged down to the level of these heterosexist reporters and then lost against them in this game he did not want to play in the first place.
When Wakatoshi had finally reached home the previous night and was anxious to apologize to Tendou, he found him already passed out in their bed after what must have been an unusually draining day at work. Wakatoshi decided to let Tendou sleep and join him in bed, determined to tune out the world and find comfort in the safety of their home.
Now, after much-needed sleep and an extensive morning run, his anxiety was subdued, an underlining white noise, manageable – but not gone. He needed to talk to Tendou.
XXX
When Wakatoshi entered the house it was instantly clear to him that his person got up while he was out on his run. Tendou did not like being alone. He said the silence bothered him, so he always made an effort to liven up the house: Several windows were open, the TV was turned on, so was the radio. Wakatoshi followed Tendou's humming, that was somehow not in tune with either and found him in the kitchen intently studying his recipe notebook.
'Tooooshi!' he exclaimed loudly, as soon as he spotted his partner in the doorway and waved excitedly with a spatula. 'I am trying out a new pancake recipe for breakfast, you don't mind, do you?'
Wakatoshi took a deep breath at the sight of his person being his usual joyous self and answered quietly that pancakes would be fine. Tendou grinned widely. 'Well hop into the shower, I should have some ready for you when you are done.' Tendou was already reaching for the flour, murmuring something under his breath, while carefully folding it into the batter. Wakatoshi hesitated.
He felt this was the first time he could breathe freely since last night. He didn't want to leave this comfort. But as soon as Tendou noticed him still standing in the kitchen doorway he stilled instantly and took a calculating look at his face. 'You alright, Toshi?' he asked. Wakatoshi nodded. 'I need to talk to you about something,' he said. Tendou put the spatula down, closed his notebook and came closer without ever averting his eyes from Wakatoshi's face. 'Something happened on your run? Are you alright?' he sounded concerned.
'I am fine. Just... upset. About yesterday's interview. You have not seen it?'
Tendou's face immediately darkened. He knew very well about Wakatoshi's discomfort with live interviews and had been outraged that Wakatoshi's PR team had been so insistent nonetheless. 'No, sorry. I recorded it since I didn't make it home in time and I haven't watched it yet. What happened? What did they do?'
Wakatoshi frowned, feeling a little lost. He wasn't sure where to start. And while he knew that Tendou would want to know about the inappropriate questions and uncomfortable insistence of the interviewer that had brought on his predicament, he wasn't sure how to convey his actual concern. When the silence stretched between them, Tendou reached out and carefully took his hands, rubbing slow circles into Wakatoshi's palms - waiting patiently, although Wakatoshi knew exactly how difficult it must be for him.
Right. Tendou was his most treasured person. He could just tell him.
'I am afraid.. I disrespected our relationship,' he said.
Tendou's jaw dropped.
Whatever he had been expecting, it had clearly been the wrong guess. Wakatoshi squeezed his hands reassuringly: 'And I want to apologize to you for what I said. It does not reflect my feelings or wishes, but I understand if you are upset about the breach of trust.'
Tendou was still frozen, wide-eyed, gripping onto his hands tightly. When he seemed to realize that Wakatoshi was waiting for a response, he breathed a quiet 'whaaat' and looked back over his shoulder as if he expected someone to be standing behind him.
When Tendou predictably found the kitchen empty he mumbled 'I am definitely missing something here' before turning back to Wakatoshi with a searching gaze – almost as if he could read the answers to all his questions on his partner's face. Wakatoshi huffed.
While Tendou was certainly able to read him better than anyone else he has ever met, even his capabilities did not extend to mind reading. That didn't stop the redhead from trying, however. He cradled Wakatoshi's face gently in his large palms and came close enough for their noses to almost touch. Wakatoshi allowed himself to relax and close his eyes just for a moment to enjoy the intimacy of being examined by Tendou. He could smell his minty breath, feel his slightly cold hands. Tendou's skin always felt colder than his own – but his gaze was burning. When Wakatoshi opened his eyes again and met the other's gaze straight on, he wondered briefly if his attempts at telepathy could be successful. Maybe.
Tendou was all serious. 'You apologize for what you said in yesterday's interview? About me?' he clarified. Wakatoshi nodded again, careful not to dislodge the hands framing his face. Tendou hummed. Then all traces of seriousness disappeared from his face and Wakatoshi was reminded of a burst of sunshine after a rain shower. 'I forgive you!' the other exclaimed loudly and smacked a kiss right on Wakatoshi's nose before cackling wildly at his perplexed expression and releasing his face.
Wakatoshi needed a moment to deal with the sudden change in mood. Tendou went back to his notes and pancake batter in the meantime.
'But...' Wakatoshi tried to interject but trailed of, suddenly unsure of himself. Tendou dealt with his emotions so differently. It had taken Wakatoshi a long time to get used to how freely Tendou seemed to hand out his trust, his gratitude, even his forgiveness. Wakatoshi himself was reserved in his feelings, his mind and expressions. He tended to overthink and under share. But his person functioned differently. If Tendou was willing to give Wakatoshi a free pass, Wakatoshi shouldn't undermine his judgement. In the beginning of their relationship he had spent a long time afraid that Tendou would make a wrong guess with his feelings one day and be hurt before Wakatoshi realized that Tendou calculated for the risks he took. That Tendou was more resilient than he ever let on. That even if he would falter there were people who unquestionably had his back. Wakatoshi prided himself to be one of those people. He made a decision.
'I'd like to watch the recording later with you if you don't mind,' he offered a careful smile. It was probably good for him to relive the interview and catalogue just how much his feelings on the matter had been clouded by his negative thinking. Tendou hummed again. 'Yes, my deeear,' he sang. 'But now shoo! No pancakes until you are out of the shower. Clothing optional!' Tendou send him a wink and wholf whistled teasingly when Wakatoshi turned around with another huff. He headed for the bathroom, his chest feeling immeasurably lighter.
XXX
It was later, when Wakatoshi was warm and dry after his shower, cuddled up with Tendou on their couch, feeling full from the chocolate pancakes – that despite his doubts of such a feat possible were still a little bit more fantastic than the last recipe Tendou came up with..
When he had rewatched the interview and endured Tendou's light-hearted teasing about how he had not properly taken advantage of being a trophy husband and would have to make up for it..
It was after he had given Tendou permission to finally answer their friend's texts, who were roused like a flock of birds and were determinedly plotting the murder of a certain television host in their old Shiratorizawa group chat..
It was after Wakatoshi had contacted his PR team and scheduled a meeting to discuss the statement he would release..
After he was reaffirmed in his belief that the comfort and contend he got out of their relationship was much greater than anything a marriage contract could offer him – he made the decision to master the skill of live interviews.
He could ask the PR team to prep him better, maybe do a few mock interviews to give him a feeling for it. He could agree to do some live interviews with his teammates before he tried to do one on his own once more. Also, he could prepare to end an interview that strayed from the pre agreed questions rather than let himself be pressured into saying things he doesn't mean.
Wakatoshi was done running from this, and he was strong enough to take it on as a part of his career, that he might not have an aptitude for but could train for nonetheless.
And if he struggled along the way he knew for certain that he had all the support he needed to get back on his feet right by his side. Always.