Chapter Text
Maybe you were deceived and he kept his Mangekyo activated for longer than you, for no other reason could explain why you didn’t react in time.
It was too vivid to be a continuation of his genjutsu, yet too senseless to be real. The only thing you knew is that it was happening, whatever it was. A kiss? Yes, a kiss. Tajima got so close to you that if he wanted to kill you, he would already have done it; instead, he just passed his arms around body and maintained the proximity. He didn’t give you time to understand what was going on; he just did it. But it wasn’t like he tried to hide his plan – he seemed to have no preconceived intention. That kiss, you thought – no, you felt –wasn’t something one would think before doing; it came out as an act of raw precipitation.
If it were anyone else in his place, you wouldn’t be so surprised: being an Uchiha yourself, you knew the passion that ran in your clan’s veins as much as any of your fellows. However, Tajima had something that many of you haven’t, and that was what granted him the position he occupied now: he knew how and when he needed to surpass the usual tendencies and take control over his own passion, directing it to clear, established goals. Since you were young, Tajima has been the most rational of you two: while your strength was in your attachment to your own principles, he pushed his own towards the collective causes. In other words, you only shared the same goals to a certain point; your visions and ways of acting were too different even to be understood by each other. It was just incredible that you’ve managed to keep mutual respect for such a long time.
That was how you figured out that something changed in him after that argument and the subsequent fight. The old Tajima, the one you supposed to know for years, would not hesitate in finishing the job he started, and then you would no longer be there still deliberating. This new Tajima was just… confusing. Was it that way he used to feel about you every time he saw you in action, whether defending your values or healing your partners?
Well, maybe this was still the same man, after all. Maybe he was just tired. Tired of what he became, or what he had to carry. Maybe he was tired of fighting you. There was also a possibility that he thought that his words would never be enough to convince you of his truth, so far you were from each other now, so that the only way he could make you believe him was through his passion. The Uchiha passion, something that only another Uchiha would be able to acknowledge.
And the Uchiha passion never lied, for you did acknowledge it.
You recognized his sincerity in your lips, in every nerve, every heartbeat – and realized you felt exactly the same. In your own way, you were tired of many things. You were tired of being conscious that maintaining your services as a doctor has been keeping the wheel of an endless war turning, yet you couldn’t just stop using your abilities to save your partners’ lives. You were tired of being only able to perform a noble work under such immoral conditions, of seeing the consequences of the maintenance such system every day in the form of blood, pain, injuries and mutilations. Most of all, you were tired of seeing that the person you once saw as your friend, your brother, your soul mate was the primary responsible for this, with enough power to stop it or to keep it and still not seeming to understand what that meant.
Yet you couldn’t stop loving him. You couldn’t stop thinking of him, caring for him, coming to save him when things got complicated on his side because that was what you had to do – that’s what we do when we love someone. You just couldn’t forgive him for not being by your side, firm against the decisions of the elders when you would do it for both of you. And yes, you couldn’t stop keeping your heart in pieces since he accepted to become another woman’s husband, to become the father of her children, not yours. In the end, did he ever really loved you? Or was his love not enough, while yours would always be?
And now he was there, holding you so tight that your heart could be unified at any moment against your will. And you were so angry at your yourself for letting it happen, for wanting it to happen. Yes, you were really tired and needed to be held. So just for once, you gave in. You forgot about your work, about the young boy sleeping right inside that house behind you, about the clan, the elders, the laws, about everything. For a moment, there was no past, no future – only you and the man you loved, engaged in a breathless, rough kiss just like the ones you’ve exchanged when you were young and new to this, and when you dared believe you knew the paths life had prepared for you.
You couldn’t remember who moved away first, if it was you or Tajima. But it didn’t matter; the kiss might have ended, but you remained close, entwined, his arms resting around you, your face hidden on high collar, stained with dry blood that mixed up with the hot tears you could not – and did not want to – hold back.
Between one sob and another you whispered something that he didn’t understand at first, forcing you to raise your head and repeat the question.
- Did she… ever knew?
You didn’t need to finish the sentence for him to know what you were talking about. Did she ever knew about us? About me?
The answer wasn’t entirely unexpected, considered it was Tajima who gave it to you.
- She might have had her suspicions. But she never got a confirmation. Not from me.
You released a sigh you didn’t noticed you were holding.
- It might sound insensible, but her suspicions don’t matter since she’s no longer here. To be honest, I don’t think they ever mattered. In my own way, I did all I could to be good to her. I’ve never been with anyone but her.
You let a muffled laugh escape, and he interrupted himself.
- What is it?
- She knew, Tajima – your voice came out a bit harsh, but there was no bitterness in you, not anymore – A woman always knows, even if she doesn’t want to. I thought you’ve finally learned to pay attention to your surroundings.
He didn’t reply to this. Instead, he changed the subject in a way that left you surprised both with the change itself and the things implied in what he said.
- So… In this case I haven’t been as discreet as I imagined in my actions towards you.
Actions towards you? But you haven’t even talked in ages.
- Actions? What are you talking about?
Tajima sighed.
- You must know that not everyone is satisfied with your positioning regarding our politics. Some people think you are too loud on your opinions.
You rolled your eyes.
- Tell me something I don’t know.
- Have you never found it strange that nobody had the courage to lay their hands on you despite their hostile attitude towards you? – he replied without changing his tone.
You straightened up and blinked twice.
- Are you suggesting that…
- I’m not suggesting anything – he cut you off – I’m telling you.
So he has been doing his part too. Thanks to his influence and practical measures, you have been protected from enemies inside our own clan. He has been working to maintain the fragile balance in a warring period when it was so much easier to just let you disappear with your dangerous ideology. And why? You didn’t need to ask. You knew why.
He approached his lips to your ear, giving your own words back to you.
- I thought you’ve finally learned to pay attention to your surroundings.
Your fingers squeezed the fabric of his clothing even before you realized what you were doing; you pulled him closer in a tight embrace, not wanting to say anything whether to thank him or to accuse him, not wanting to consider what you should do next. Knowing that he has been watching over you from his place, being the thing that separated you from your enemies when you never asked for protection was like taking off a weight you didn’t even noticed you’ve been carrying, and now you weren’t of what to do with your newly discovered freedom. After all the time of endless work to heal, protect and fight for everyone, finally it came your turn.
Tajima accepted your affective gesture, caressing your hair while smelling and kissing the top of your hair.
- For someone who became a bearer of the Mangekyo Sharingan so soon in your life, you were quick to underestimate the strength of the bonds created by an Uchiha fellow.
With face again hidden on his clothing, you smiled to his words and the sensation of new tears rolling through your cheeks and wetting the dark fabric against them.
- Don’t be so arrogant – you mumbled – It’s easy to triumph over me when I’m not fighting.
It was true that time kept moving and soon you were going to separate from each other, going to your respective places and missions, and your remaining moments together were going to be spent by the side of Madara’s bed, who would wake up within some hours. Yes, it was true that nothing changed except inside you, and with the war not being over yet, you were going to keep walking sideways, never touching each other.
But for now, you could live with that.