Chapter Text
Nora: Well, I don't know, but I- Wait a minute. Where's Yang?
As it turned out, Yang was selling cruise tickets to a large gathering of rat Faunus . . .
Yang:Enjoy your cruise, sir. NEXT! All right, folks, have your checks made out to "Xiao-Long Tours Limited". Remember, we put the "rat" in pi-"rat"-e!
Everyone else: *Groan*
Yang, chuckling: Okay. . . she's kind of funny!
Yang: . . . Why, thank you, Mr. Plagueman, neeext!
Weiss: Oh-ho, no-ho. Hi-his name is Mr. Plagueman, and he's a rat Faunus! That's -*SNRK* that's terrible! *Bursts out laughing hysterically*
Blake, sarcastically: Your sympathy for my race makes me weep.
Weiss: *Wheeze* I-I'm sorry-hee-hee!
Nora: Yang, what are you doing?!
Yang: What? Oh, this. Well, I figure if the treasure map's a dud, the trip won't be a total loss, financially speaking.
Weiss: Oh, I didn't realize we were in the presence of a business entrepreneur, I always took Yang for a microcephalic addlepate.
Yang: . . . A what now?
Weiss: See? She doesn't even realize I just called her a moron!
Yang: . . . 'Bout to realize these hands upside your head, Ice Queen!
Meanwhile, Captain Rose looked out over the horizon, and found the conditions to be just right . . .
Ruby: Well, the wind seems to be freshening. The tide is with us. Mr. Ironwood, this voyage has begun.
Ironwood: This voyage has begun! Raise the gangplank!
Crew-mates: Right, lads!
Ironwood: Let go forward line! Let go aft line! Hard to starboard! Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight!
Ruby: . . . I didn't say that.
Ironwood: I was just paraphrasing-
Ruby, annoyed: Mr. Ironwood, just set the sails!
Jaune: It's like trying to corral a more trigger happy Nora.
Nora: You know what? That's fair. I'll take that hit. Just like I'll take a Grand Slam tomorrow morning. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Ren: *Sigh* Nora. if I triple my output tomorrow, will you forgive him?
Nora: Make it one and a half. Don't want you passin' out, Renny!
Ironwood: Set the sails!
Rats: Hey where's my camera? -I'll miss you! I said, I'll miss you! -We'll send postcards! -Bye! -Goodbye!
As the ship made way to open sea, an easygoing, yet adventurous melody began to play . . .
Crew-mates: ~ When the course is laid and the anchor's weighed, a sailor's heart begins racing . . . ~
Ilia Amitola & Dodo: ~ With our hearts unbound and our flag unfurled . . . ~
Weiss: I-is that a Dodo Faunus?! I didn't know there could be Faunus based on extinct species!
Blake: Yeah, our gene pool is pretty wild. It can surprise you. . . . (Whispers) Ilia?
Yang: *Cackles* Nice one, babe!
Ruby: What one- *Groan* . . ."Wild". Blake, you're hanging around Yang too much! She's rubbing off on you!
Blake: . . . I didn't even notice!
Yang: I may be rubbing off on her, but what I really what to do is rub-
Weiss: OKAY, TOPIC OVER!
Arthur Watts: ~ We're underway and off the see the world! ~
Yang: Who the hell is that, and why do I want to punch him?
Ruby: Is. . . Is it bad that I kinda like his mustache?
Nora: Seriously, that is a mustache's mustache!
Jaune: Professor Port has some serious competition for Remnant's Best Mustache.
Weiss: . . . Better than Father's, at any rate.
Everyone: ~ Underway and off to see the world! Heave ho, we'll go! Anywhere the wind is blowing! ~
Velvet Scarlatina: ~ Manly men are weeee! ~
Ruby: Hi, Velvet! *Waves*
Weiss: . . . Ruby. she can't see or hear you. The CCTV, can't hear you!
Yang: But apparently it can cast us in a movie without our knowledge or consent?
Weiss: . . . Just . . . Just watch the film, damn you.
Everyone: ~ Sailing for adventure on the deep blue sea! ~
Ironwood: Safely now, Mr. Silver. Let's not get sloppy just because we're singing.
Silver: Aye aye, sir!
Angel Marie & Neon: ~ Danger walks on deck, we say what the heck? We laugh at the perils we're facing! ~
Nora: ~ Every storm we ride is it's own reward! ~
Yang: ~ And people die by fallin' overboard! ~
Ruby: *Snrk* Okay, it's kind of funny how not Yang the other Yang is. I wonder if this is what you'd be like if your Semblance and Aura didn't make you feel invincible?
Yang: . . .
Ruby: . . . H-hey, Yang, I-
Yang: . . . Is that who I really am, then? A frightened little girl afraid of the world, and I just haven't been scared by it yet?
Ruby: Y-Yang, wait, I take it-(Yang clamps her hand on Ruby's mouth)
Yang: . . . Quiet. I want to think for a while. (Notices Ruby's hurt expression) . . . Oh, shit. Speaking of thinking, or not . . . Ruby, come here. (Wraps Ruby in a tight, but gentle hug) You didn't do anything wrong. I just realized something that never occurred to me, and I want to think on it. That's all.
Ruby: . . . Okay. *Sniffle*
Everyone: ~ People die by falling overboard! Heigh ho, we'll go! Anywhere the wind is blowing! Hoist the sails and sing! ~
Blake: ~ Sailing for adventure on the big, blue, wet thing! ~
Polly: ~ I love to see 'em cry when the walk the plank! ~
Clueless Morgan: ~ I prefer to cut a throat. ~
Tyrian Callows: ~ I love to hang 'em high and watch their little feet try to walk in the air while their faces turn blue . . . ~
Clueless Morgan: Just kidding.
PCT: ~ It's a good life on a boat! ~
Nora, sarcastically: Oh, wow. Those aren't the bad guys at all!
Pyrrha: It. . .it's a little painfully obvious that they're pirates, isn't it?
Blake: Kids movie. remember? The bad guys have to be at least this blatant for their target audience. Sometimes the monsters in our lives aren't so . . . apparent to us as the Grimm are.
Weiss: . . . Don't I know it.
Everyone: ~ There are distant lands with burning sands that call across the oceans! ~
Rats:~ There are bingo games every fun-filled day! -And margaritas at the midnight buffet! ~
Everyone: ~ Margaritas at the midnight buffet! Heigh ho! We'll go! Anywhere the wind is blowing! ~
Statler & Waldorf: ~ Should have took a train! ~
Weiss: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Yang: . . . I guess we found Weiss' favorite characters.
Ruby: I'm trying to look them up, but I'm not getting anythi- . . . Statler? Waldorf? Wha?
Blake: Hold on, did you actually-?!
Ruby: I was type searching "two funny old guys" in The App's search engine, and this window popped up with their names. Yeah. the one on the right's called Statler, and the left guy's Waldorf. Apparently, their bit is . . . heckling? No wonder Weiss likes them.
Weiss: Not biting at that. But, thank you, Ruby! I will commit this to memory!
Ruby: Oh, that's interesting! Waldorf is apparently married! To a woman named Astoria . . . that looks like Statler's twin sister?
Yang: . . . All in favor of not saying anything about that?
Everyone else: Aye!
Everyone: ~ Sailing for adventure on the bounding main! ~
Jaune: ~ The salty breezes whisper, who knows what lies ahead? I just know I was born to lead the life my father led! ~
Silver: ~ The stars will be our compass, wherever we may roam! And our mates will always be, just like a family! And though we may put in to port, the sea is always home! ~
Pyrrha: What a lovely singing voice!
Jaune: Yeah, you can really hear that Curry guy's range!
Pyrrha: N-no, I meant-
Yang: Swing and a miss, P-money!
Blake: All right, Mr. Bimbo! I didn't know you had such an excellent singing voice! . . . You're welcome!
Everyone: ~We'll chase our dreams standing on our own- ~
Weiss: W-wait, wait, stop! Th-tha . . . heh . . . ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hya ha ha ha!
Blake: . . . Is this . . . real?
Yang: What? What's going on?
Weiss, wheezing: I-It's FATHER! And . . . he he ha ha ha ha ha . . . He's a cockroach Faunus! I absolutely can't!
Ruby: Ew! Does that mean Weiss is part roach?!
Weiss: No, no of course it doesn't! . . . Why are you all backing away from me?! . . . And this attitude is filthy rich coming from you, Blake!
Blake: . . . That's fair.
Weiss: Besides, everyone knows Father is human in our own reality!
Blake, sarcastically: . . . Oh, yeah. Why would he ever exploit his own kind?
Weiss: . . . Not untrue, but you know what I mean.
Ruby: And besides, we can get you tested, just to be sure . . .
Weiss: Okay, seriously, drop it, all of you! It's not funny anymore, not that it was in the first place!
Everyone: ~ Over the horizon to the great unknown! Heigh ho, we'll go! Anywhere the wind is blowing! Bold and brave and free! Sailing for adventure! ~
Yang: It's so nauseating!
Everyone: ~Sailing for adventure!~
Nora: So exhilarating!
Everyone: ~Sailing for adventure!~
Rats: We're all celebrating!
Everyone: ~On the deep blue seeeeaaaaa!~
Ruby: I wanna go sailing for adventure!
Nora: Me too!
Jaune: I mean, we technically are.
Yang, unenthusiastically: Whoo. Hoo. Boy golly gee, I just can't contain my excitement.
Weiss: *Giggling uncontrollably* S-stop! I ca-I can't take it! *Wheeze* Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Yang, thinking: (Wait, that worked? What was I doing right? I wasn't even trying to make a joke . . . Is that it? I'm trying too hard?)
Ironwood: *Sea Whistle* Roll Call! . . . Long John Silver?
Silver: Aye aye, sir!
Ironwood: Emerald Sustrai?
Emerald Sustrai: Aye!
Ironwood: Flynt Coal?
Flynt Coal: Aye!
Ironwood: Mercury Black?
Mercury Black: Aye!
Ironwood: Ilia Amitola?
Ilia: Aye!
Blake, thinking: (So that is her) . . .
Yang: You ok?
Blake: Yeah, just . . . Old friend.
Weiss: Old . . . White Fang friend?
Blake: *Nod*
Weiss: Long story?
Blake *Nods harder*
Ironwood: Polly Lobster?
Polly: *Squawk, whistle*
Ironwood: Tyrian Callows?
Tyrian: Aye.
Ruby: Eeeuuggh, nope!
Blake: Ruby-
Ruby: I'm sorry, Blake, but something about that guy is seriously giving me the willies!
Nora: Yeah, I'm getting this weird feeling down my spine when I look at this jerk.
Ren: As am I. (And the last time I felt even half this uncomfortable was . . . back then . . .)
Ironwood: Hazel Rainart?
Hazel: Aye. (Laughs)
Nora, coldly: I don't know why, but I'm feeling the urge to break this guy's everything!
Ren: Nora . . .
Ironwood: Old Tom?
Old Tom: Aye aye!
Ironwood: Real Old Tom?
Real Old Tom: Aye!
Ironwood: Dead Tom?
Velvet puppets Dead Tom's corpse and "answers" for him . . .
"Dead Tom": Aye, aye!
Ruby: *Shuddering*
Nora: Cool!
Ruby: No! That is not cool! That is the total opposite of cool! That man should be buried and mourned by his family, and I'll fight anyone who says different!
Nora: Wow. Okay, chill.
Ruby: I have no chill anymore! *Screams*
Nora: *Screams*
Everyone else: *Screams*
Weiss: . . . Why do I associate with all of you?
Ironwood: Clueless Morgan?
Clueless Morgan: Huh?
Ironwood: Headless Bill? . . . Headless Bill?
Mr. Ironwood and Captain Rose look around the boat and find Headless Bill, only for Captain Rose to shudder in fear again at the aptness of the crew-mate's name . . .
Headless Bill: (Salutes)
Ruby: *Retching* Bathroom! Bathroom! . . . *Throwing up*
Yang: We . . . Ooo, we should've got barf bags, that's makin' me woozy just hearin' it!
Jaune: Hold. . . Oh, Gods. . . hold . . .oogh . . .ugh . . .hold!
Weiss: For Brother's sake, Ruby! Drink some ginger ale and take some nausea tablets! We'll be here all night if this keeps up!
Ironwood: Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O'Brien?
Cinder Fall: *Deep Voice* Aye.
Ironwood and Captain Rose's jaws drop . . .
Everyone's jaws dropped . . .
Ruby: . . . I need to call Cinder this at least once. Suddenly, my life feels like it won't be complete anymore unless I do this!
Ironwood: *Clears throat* . . . Angel Marie?
Angel Marie: Aye. Aye.
Ruby: . . . Ladies and Gentlemen? May I see you in my cabin?
Dr. Oobleck: *Gasp*
Ruby: Immediately?
Nora, singsong: ~Ooh, somebody's got trouble!~
Ruby: WHO HIRED THIS CREW?! THIS IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE SEEDIEST BUNCH OF CUTTHROATS, VILLAINS, AND SCOUNDRELS I'VE EVER SEEN, SO WHO HIRED 'EM?! *Hyperventilating*
Jaune: There's the "raging volcano", I guess.
Yang: Damn. Even I don't blow my top that hard on my worst day.
Blake: Shame, too.
Everyone else's jaws dropped at Blake's innuendo . . .
Ruby: Blake, that's my sis!
Blake: Would you prefer if it was you?
Yang & Weiss: She (most certainly) would not!
Ruby: . . . I mean, let's not get crazy here . . . (Weiss glares at her partner)
Everyone points to Blake, who then points to Mr. Bimbo . . .
Ruby: Your finger hired the crew?
Blake: No, that's silly! The man who lives in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo! . . . What? Ah! Yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of our excellent cook, Long John Silver!
Ruby: A cook? And a guy who lives in a Faunus' finger?
Blake: Exactly!
Ruby & Ironwood: *Groan*
Ruby: I'm starting to worry about this voyage. . . . Jaune, I know Petey Bones gave you the treasure map, but I hope you'll give it to me for safekeeping.
Jaune: I'll be careful with it, sir.
Yang: Look at her face! Cap'n Rubes looks so offended you don't trust her! . . . Wait. The FUCK, Vomit Boy?! Why don't you trust her?!
Ruby: I-it's fine, Yang. I'm s-sure J-Jaune ha-ha-has a-a g-good r-reason . . .*Bawling*
Weiss: . . . And now I have to deal with this! Thanks for the rotten strawberries, Arc! *Hugs Ruby*
Silver: Beggin' your pardon, ladies and gentlemen, but I've come with a bit of a treat for you. 'Tis my very own best brandy, laid down by the brothers of Buckfast Abbey, vintage . . . to toast to a prosperous voyage!
Blake: Oh, spiffy! (Grabs the bottle and some glasses)
Ruby: I'm sorry, Mr. Silver, but I'm not going to allow drinking on this voyage.
Blake: Oh. Well, rules are rules. (Tosses the brandy out)
Silver: Oh, but, sir, 'tis a tradition for officers to toast to the success of a voyage.
Blake: Ah, very true. (Begins pouring again)
Ruby: No, we must set an example for this questionable crew. There will be no consumption of alcohol of any kind.
Blake tosses the brandy out again . . .
Neo: >:(
Silver: Oh, sir, I can vouch for this crew myself.
Blake begins pouring again . . .
Silver: You could sail to heaven and back with these men.
Ruby: Well, I'm afraid I must disagree with you.
Blake: Oh. (Tosses the brandy out again)
*Scream*
Rats: You wanna knock it off with the booze?! It's peeling the paint off the shuffleboard court! -Yeah!
Blake: Sorry!
Rats: Come on, girls. -We told her.
Ruby: And that's that. This conversation is finished.
Silver: I understand, sir. I shall tend to my duty and see to it that every drop of alcohol is thrown overboard. Come on, Jaune. Don't bother, Captain.
Weiss: A respectable officer knows better than to impair their men. That was the correct choice, Ruby.
Ruby: *Sniff* So, when is it acceptable for a team to drink?
Weiss: . . . I'm . . . probably not the best person to ask.
Yang: Yeah, and Uncle Qrow's not exactly "responsible" with his liquor.
Pyrrha: O-oh, dear. He doesn't sound like the best role mod-
Ruby: He's a top-ranking Huntsman who taught me everything I know, thank you very much! >:(
Pyrrha: I-I'm sorry!
Ruby: You can go if you want to, Jaune.
Jaune leaves with Silver . . .
Nora: Come on.
Yang: Yeah.
Closing the door behind him.
Yang: Oh, well! I guess the "Johns" want to hang out together! Don't wanna spend time with a babe, and a, uh . . .
Nora: Uh, uh, whatever.
Yang: Yeah.
Nora: Hmph!
Yang: Hmph!
Jaune: I'm sorry . . . in order, to Ruby, Yang, and Nora.
Ruby: . . . I mean, I kinda get it. The map was a gift from Captain Port. And you were friends. It'd be hard to part with, right?
Yang: . . Yeah, okay.
Nora: But you're not off the hook 'til you hang out with me and Yang!
Jaune:And why am I making it up to you in real life for something fictional me did?
Nora: A fair question with an equally unfair answer: because shut up!
Jaune: Ah, okay.
Yang: Cheer up, VB! We'll lift weights, get real sweaty, and just bond! It'll be great!
Nora: Yeah, we'll have a grand ole' threesome!
Yang: . . . Please reword that, Pyrrha is staring murder at us.
Late at night, the ship's band is playing a romantic, slow dance tune, as the rat Faunus party their cares away . . .
Rats: Say cheese! -Cheese! -Oh, that's great. Cute couple. -*Giggle* Oh! Oh, stop it! -I never felt like this before. -Denise, what I'm trying to say . . . -Yes? -What I'm trying to say is . . . -Yes? -What I mean to say is, I . . . -Yes? *Smooching*
Jaune: I'm sorry your present didn't work out.
Silver: Oh, Jaune. Rose sails by rules and laws. That's what being a captain's all about. Me, I sails by the stars.
Jaune: Stars?
Silver: North, Jaune. Find me north out there among them stars.
Jaune: Well, that's easy! (Takes out compass)
Silver: Ah, yeah, but what if you don't have a compass? (Laughs)
Jaune: Long John, please, don't drop it! It was my father's! It's all I have of his! Please, please!
Silver: I'm sorry, lad. I were only foolin'. How old were you when he died, then?
Jaune: Seven.
Silver: I were eight when my father died at sea. First mate, he was.
Jaune: My father was a first mate, too!
Silver: Was he, now? By the Brothers, what a coincidence! . . . Now, Jaune. (Points to a star) That be Polaris, the North Star! Even in the Mistral Sea, that's north!
Jaune: North. Polaris.
Silver: Uh-huh.
Ruby: . . . Hey, sure enough, there it is, out the dorm room window!
Weiss: Our dorm faces north? That can't be right!
Yang: Yeah, I thought we were facing east, cause we can see the sunrise straight on from here!
Jaune: Unless something silly happens with our planet where the sun rises in the north.
Nora: . . . My brain hurts.
Jaune: So we must be heading southwest!
Silver: Smart as paint, you are, lad! Smart as paint! Now, that gets old Long John to wonderin'. Why would we be sailing southwest? The scuttlebutt among the crew is that, uh . . . we're sailing for buried treasure . . . and, uh, someone on board . . . has a map.
Silver looks over Jaune, who looks way, trying not to show any tells . . .
Silver: 'Course it be none of my concern, Jaune. I'm just a ship's cook. Such matters are best suited to Captain Rose. She runs this ship, not I.
Jaune: Oh, come on, Long John, you could captain this ship.
Silver: That I could, lad. Maybe someday I will. (Laughs)
Blake, sarcastically: Not foreshadowing at all.
Weiss: I don't think there's any prize for guessing the film's main antagonist at this point.
Nora: Yeah, I mean, it's obviously me, right guys?
Ren: Nora.
Ruby: . . . Huh. (I wonder if I'm commanding enough respect from my "crew". As Team RWBY's leader, I'll eventually have to make hard choices that not everyone on my team will agree with, and they'll need to trust me enough to believe I'm making the right choice. Because, sometimes I'll have to be the leader, and not their friend. Do I . . . really understand the burden I'm carrying as much as I should? Or is there something I'm still missing?)
Rats: Moonlight swim? -Okay.
The band finishes playing, as the night goes on. In her cabin, Captain Rose looks longingly at a picture of a beautiful Atlesian woman . . .
Weiss: Oh, Ruby, my love for you is deeper than the deep, blue sea.
Captain Rose carries the picture over to her window, staring out wistfully over the night horizon . . .
Weiss: . . .That . . . was a picture of me. That . . . was my voice. Saying something I couldn't possibly have said before. *Sigh* I have to accept it, don't I? This. . . all of this, is really happening. We're watching in inter-dimensional film on some magical streaming service. It's absurd. It defies explanation. Yet, here it is, as clear and as real as the scar over my eye.
Yang: "Love deeper than the sea", huh? Something you wanna tell me, Weiss? Ruby?!
Weiss & Ruby: Not at all!
Weiss and Ruby look at each other in that moment, then look away, their faces almost as red as Ruby's hood.
(To Be Continued . . . )