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Part 1 of Ichino's Writer (And Aoyama's Reader) Corner
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2022-04-30
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2023-12-04
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Ichino : I have a question

Summary:

Sangoku : Well, you know the saying.

Sangoku : “You are what you eat.”

Shinsuke : so hamano would taste differently than shindou?

Hamano : what do you think i taste like?

Kurama : fish and seafood

Hayami : Given their logic, fish or seafood.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ichino loves writing, that's a passion of his.
And like any content creator, Ichino has three things :
- a weird search history,
- an unlimited amount of weird and extremely specific questions that makes people question his sanity,
- and a bunch of people he will text no matter the time and no matter what he needs to ask them.

Welcome to Ichino’s Writer Corner, we hope you will enjoy your stay.

Notes:

Welcome to Ichino's Corner!
So the Ichino's part of Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner is the place where he can invite and remove people to ask them his questions. Aoyama is always here as Ichino’s second braincell and because he vibes with his best friend.
Once again, welcome to the madness.

Chapter 1: Surviving on a human

Notes:

First chapter and let’s be honest : we all had that conversation at least once in our life.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @Raimon

Ichino : Guys, I have a question

Kirino : Go ahead

Ichino : How long do you think you can survive on a human, knowing you can eat the bone marrow and boil the bones for soup and everything?

Ichino : And let’s say you have everything necessary to conserve it

 

Amagi : depends

Amagi : because theres a difference between me hayami and shinsuke

Hayami : If you are searching for nutrients, Shinsuke might be the best choice.

Hayami : If you want it to last, Amagi is more suited for the task.

Hayami : However, if you possess no desire to make it out, you can take me.

 

Ichino : Let’s say an average human. 

Ichino : Someone like Coach Endou or Coach Kidou.

Tsurugi : First of all

Tsurugi : I’m sure whoever eats Coach Endou becomes immortal or something

Tsurugi : Though if they manage not to die at the hands of all Inazuma Town and some people around the world I’m not sure they need immortality

Sangoku : I’m not sure eating Coach Endou is worth achieving eternal life.

Shindou : It is not.

Shindou : Please do not eat Coach Endou.

Midori : i dont think anyone here is going to try 

 

Midori : though

Midori : what do you think he tastes like

Shinsuke : well hes like

Shinsuke : lean and muscular

Hamano : not a lot of fat

Hamano : so id say kinda dry

Shindou : Dryer than us at least.

Shindou : Children are known to have more reserves of fat. 

 

Sangoku : Well, you know the saying.

Sangoku : “You are what you eat.”

Shinsuke : so hamano would taste differently than shindou?

Hamano : what do you think i taste like?

Kurama : fish and seafood

Hayami : Given their logic, fish or seafood.

 

Tenma : kyousuke likes sweets

Tenma : so i bet he would be super sweet!

Tsurugi : I

Kurama : tenma youre killing him

Kurama : youre killing your boyfriend

 

Kirino : I’m back

Amagi : you just saved tsurugi from dying at tenmas hand

Kirino : Good to know

Kirino : So I tried to search on the Internet and what I found is :

Kirino : If we do the average for both men and women, bones make for around 13% of body weight

Kirino : So if we say an average human weighs 80 kg then we would have approximately 10,5 kg of bones and 69,5 kg of flesh and organs

Kirino : Organs including eyes, skin and brain

Kirino : I don’t know if the bone marrow is included in the bones or not

Kirino : I think yes but I’m not going to get ahead of myself and confirm 

 

Kariya : so we have approx 70kg of “meat”

Hikaru : so it'll mostly depend on how much you eat?

Kariya : basically

Hamano : if we say we can nicely survive with half a kilo of meat per day

Hamano : we could make this last 140 days

Tenma : how about the soup?

Midori : lets not consider it for now

 

Hayami : That’s a lot for one human body to provide..

Tsurugi : That is

Tsurugi : If you’re okay with eating the organs and everything

Tsurugi : Skin included

Kurama : not wrong 

 

Shindou : Then let us consider 30 kg of flesh, consisting of muscles and fat : 

Shindou : The final results would be less than two months.

Aoi : It seems more accurate already.

 

Ichino : Ok guys thanks for your answer

Ichino : Going to write it somewhere so I don’t forget

Minamisawa : Are you aware of how inaccurate all this conversation is ?

Ichino : Yes

Ichino : And that’s not relevant

Notes:

Before you take it for a real scientifically accurate answer : no, it’s just random ramblings.
Also for people asking why he just doesn’t google it like Kirino did : let’s be honest, we all had this situation when we could have searched for it on the Internet but decided asking friends was funnier.

Chapter 2: Avatar, the Last Airbender : +/- Raimon edition

Notes:

Warning to everyone here : Note that I haven’t seen any seasons of Avatar : The Last Airbender, same with The Legend of Korra. Everything I know comes from 3-5 episodes and Tumblr.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Aoyama : @Raimon

Ichino : We need help

Sangoku : What can we do for you?

 

Aoyama : Actually it’s more or less about you, Sangoku

Aoyama : Which type of bender do you think Sangoku would be if he was in ATLA?

Ichino : Aoyama and I are struggling to pick between firebender and earthbender

 

Sangoku : I am alright with both, so I’ll let the team decide for me.

Kariya : why not firebender

Kariya : hes got a fiery spirit and explosive power

Shinsuke : but he has fence of gaia!

Shinsuke : so i say earthbender!

Shindou : Sangoku is a steady presence for the team,

Kirino : And as a goalkeeper he is sturdy and reliable, so Earthbender would suit him better

Aoyama : Alright

Ichino : Earthbender it is 

 

Hamano : while were at it we could pick for everyone here!

Tsurugi : Why not?

Kurumada : YEAH

Sangoku : Why not let Ichino and Aoyama go with what they already have?

Ichino : Alright 

 

Ichino : So we can all agree that Tenma is an airbender and if you don’t: we do not take criticism

Aoi : I do not think anyone here is going to disagree.

Aoyama : Good

 

Ichino : For Shindou and Kirino we made them waterbenders but with different fighting style

Aoyama : Shindou has a perfect balance between strength, skill, power and everything

Aoyama : You know, like a genius

Shindou : Please don’t.

Kirino : Please do

Ichino : Too late Shindou, we made you a genius waterbender

 

Aoyama : For Kirino, the twist is that he is below average in terms of strength

Ichino : Some people would even say he lacks raw power

Aoyama : But his control over the water is flawless and surgically precise

Ichino : Which makes him able to turn a glass of water into an infinite amount of tiny droplets and manipulate them, making him a sort of "mistbender"

Kurumada : THATS GENIUS

Hikaru : its really well-thought!

Aoyama : Thanks

Ichino : We were so proud of our idea you can’t even know

 

Aoyama : Hamano is a waterbender but his overall abilities as a bender are below average so he’s not sent to fight in the frontlines

Ichino : That and he only uses his bending to fish

Kurama : that seems accurate

Hamano : imagine all the trouts i could fish with it!

 

Ichino : Honestly we think Kurama and Hayami would make good non-benders

Aoyama : That and we have no idea what element Kurama could have

Ichino : We hesitated between making Hayami a firebender or a non-bender so share your thoughts 

 

Hayami : I don’t mind being a non-bender.

Kurama : i dont know what thing i could be either so yeah

Kurama : go nonbender

Ichino : And of course, Hamano, Hayami and Kurama live together in a small house far away from the drama

Kirino : That’s a given

Aoyama : With Kurama being a fighter-hunter-gatherer and Hayami being the “diplomat” whenever people ask if there are benders in there

Hamano : seems right

 

Tenma : shinsuke would be either an earthbender or an airbender i think

Aoyama : Wait 

Ichino : We have something for Shinsuke already

 

Aoyama : So first thing is : 

Aoyama : Shinsuke lives in a village of airbenders so everyone thinks 

Ichino : 1) That he’s a non-bender

Ichino : And 2) That his jumping abilities are from a slight affinity to the wind, maybe mini airbending but not much else

Aoyama : But one day the village gets attacked by bandits

Ichino : And they use cannons and catapults to propel rocks so heavy the airbenders can’t shake them off

Aoyama : The damage piles up and the whole village is backed into a corner

Ichino : But Shinsuke stands up to the bandits and refuses to give up

Aoyama : And then boom

Ichino : He lifts a mountain and throws the rocks straight to the bandits’ faces

Aoyama : The entire village witnesses this and the people realize he was an earthbender all along

Tsurugi : It makes sense

Tsurugi : I like this idea

Shinsuke : i love it!

Shinsuke : im protecting everyone as i should!

 

Minamisawa : Isn’t there no more Airbender village in ATLA?

Ichino : It’s an AU so we can do whatever we want

Minamisawa : Fair.

 

Aoyama : Kariya is also a non-bender but a scarily good fighter like Kurama

Ichino : The difference is that Kurama is also into assassinations while Kariya is purely into hunting

Kurama : logical

Kariya : yeah

 

Ichino : We decided to make Hikaru a firebender because he has ties with a “big bad”

Aoyama : That and he’s freakishly powerful and what’s better than fire to show off overwhelmingly destructive power?

Hikaru : !!!!!!!

Hikaru : thank you

Ichino : No prob you lovable grape

 

Kariya : then what about tsurugi

Ichino : Mmmh Tsurugi

Aoyama : A fairly interesting case you see

Tsurugi : I could be a simple firebender or a non-bender maybe?

Tenma : no

Shinsuke : no

Shindou : No.

Aoi : No.

Midori : no

Kurama : no

Aoyama : No no no no no, we have your plot too

Ichino : You and your brother are both firebenders but due to an accident, Yuuichi lost his bending abilities

Aoyama : And you join the army to have access to research aiming to give bending to non-benders so you can find a way to give it back to him

Ichino : But you join the protagonist journey after you realize the researchers are experimenting on real people and your brother tells you he’d rather live without bending than seeing you fight for a cause you don’t agree with

Aoyama : And of course, you are known as one of the best firebenders living out there in the country so everyone wants your butt

Tsurugi : Ok wow

Tsurugi : I wasn’t expecting that

Aoyama : Well, it’s a pleasure

Amagi : tsurugi what did you expect but this?

Tsurugi : Less

Ichino : Too bad

 

Ichino : Amagi and Kurumada are both earthbenders

Aoyama : Strong and sturdy and steadfast

Amagi : yeah!

Kurumada : YEAH

Aoyama : We have no idea what to give to Nishiki

Aoyama : Earth maybe

Nishiki : YOU CAN GIVE ME EVERYTHING ITS ALRIGHT

Tsurugi : Earth isn’t a bad element for him

Aoyama : We’ll keep thinking about it

Ichino : But most likely earth then

Aoyama : And Minamisawa could be wind or water

Minamisawa : I think wind suits me better. As long as I avoid having to bend through the soil.

Ichino : ‘Kay

 

Aoyama : Midori and Akane are non-benders but it doesn’t mean they are weak

Aoyama : People who think Akane and Midori are weak are morons

Shinsuke : wasnt there a special troop of non-bender warriors women that were super scary

Ichino : I think?

Ichino : But honestly I don’t remember

Aoyama : Midori is from Earth Kingdom and Akane from the Fire Nation

Ichino : Akane has all the news and all the intel and no one can stop her

Ichino : People fear her and her network

Hayami : As they should.

 

Sangoku : And what about you two?

Ichino : Non-benders but researchers

Amagi : seems right



Midori : i just realized shindou shinsuke tsurugi and tenma have the four elements like the protagonists quatuor they are

Kurumada : YOURE RIGHT

Amagi : then who would be the avatar?

Shindou : Why not Aoi?

Shinsuke : yeah!

Aoi : I think I would be a non-bender or a waterbender at best.

Tenma : or an airbender!

Midori : not wrong

Midori : its true that fire doesnt suit her

Tsurugi : Then, who is the Avatar?

Kurama : i know

Kurama : coach endou

Kurama : coach endou whos an earthbender but is chosen to be the avatar

Hamano : and he learns bending along with firebender gouenji, waterbender kidou and airbender kazemaru

Hayami : And little by little, many others join their group through their journey to get stronger

Ichino : Perfect

 

Ichino : Ok thanks guys

Aoyama : We’re keeping this somewhere safe brb

Notes:

Ok so I know you have the best intentions and all but please don’t try to convince me to watch these shows. If no one from my family and my friends has succeeded I know myself enough to know no one will, not even myself.

But if any of you wants to yell at me and tell me what you think they’d be, please do so in the comments! I’m eager to be taught by you guys who actually know what you’re talking about.

Chapter 3: Embassy and early retirement

Summary:

When it gets funky enough for Ichino to need to ask aliens.

Notes:

This chap was inspired by @EinAr_17’s work How do you Intergalactic Ambassadorship? Check it out if you haven't, it’s great!

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @EarthEleven

Ichino : Can I ask you something?

Zanakurou : Is there anything we can do for you ?

 

Ichino : Well it’s more something I need to ask to the aliens

Ichino : Is it possible for you to tell me how to contact them without adding me to the gc you share with them? 

Ichino : Because I don’t really want you to know what the questions I have are about

Ibuki : how bizarre is your question for you to hide it from us

Ichino : It’s more that it’s about you than anything else

 

Matatagi : you know we can just ask them what you said after you leave

Ichino : Yeah, I don’t mind

Ichino : I just don’t want you to be there when I’ll ask

Tetsukado : ok no prob

Kusaka : we can send you their contacts if you want

Sakura : well

Sakura : “contacts”

Manabe : If you do not mind waiting a few minutes for us to warm them beforehand.

Ichino : No problem

Ichino : And thanks!

 

Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke and Sandorius Eleven 

Ichino : Hi?

Kazerma : Hello, human. Ichino, I presume?

Ichino : This is me indeed

Kazerma : Tenma told me you wanted to ask us something.

Kazerma : Unfortunately, only Badai, Coach Zundal and I are available now.

Kazerma : Do you wish for us to gather the others?

Ichino : No need it’s alright

Ichino : Two or three reactions should be enough

 

Kazerma : Then, be our guest.

Ichino : Ok so correct me if I’m wrong

Ichino : From what we were told, all the participants of the Grand Celesta Galaxy set a wide exchange network to improve the relationship between the planets, right?

Badai : It is correct.

Ichino : And Earth Eleven and Mr Gouenji serve as Earth representatives?

Zundal : It is what was concluded during the inter-planet network founding.

 

Ichino : So I wanted to know

Ichino : How would this organization proceed if a planet suddenly loses all of its “ambassadors”?

Kazerma : Has anything happened to Earth Eleven!?

Badai : Has a catastrophe hit your planet ?

Ichino : Oh everyone is fine don’t worry!

Kazerma : Oh.

Ichino : I was curious about it since it’s the first time a thing like that happened, to us at least

Ichino : But all of Earth’s envoys are young, healthy and dedicated, so I do not think anything will make them quit before long

 

Zundal : It is a wise question to have.

Zundal : The standard procedure in this case is to appoint honorary representatives, usually close relatives or confirmed diplomats, until new ambassadors are chosen.

Ichino : Oh, I see!

Ichino : Thank you for your answer

Kazerma : You are welcome, human.

 

Badai : Know that should anything happen to Earth Eleven, your planet can ask for our help.

Zundal : While your ailments might differ from ours, Sandorius is renowned for its respiratory medicine, given its history with storms and desertic conditions.

Ichino : It is extremely kind of you

Kazerma : It is the least we can do for them, given that they saved us.

Ichino : I will tell them

Ichino : They will be thankful, I know

 

Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke and Sazanaara Eleven 

Powai : the human is here!

Ichino : It’s me!

Ichino : Who else is here?

Powai : me urumi van and coach porco!

Van : Do you want to say something? 

Urumi : tell us tell us!

Ichino : Ok ok

 

Ichino : If Earth had no representatives anymore, what would the members of the intergalactic network do?

Urumi : did the mean azur boy and the scary orange boy leave

Ichino : Everyone is still here don’t worry

Ichino : And I think they’re here to stay

Van : Actually, we were partially hoping for Matatagi Hayato to retire.

Urumi : hes scaryyyy ><’’

Powai : powai doesnt like him :(

Powai : his azur is not good

Powai : and the orange boy is also scary

Ichino : What has Minaho done?

Van : His mind is a maze for us to analyze.

Van : It has been a while since Sazanaara had to face such a complex psyche.

Ichino : Oh ok

 

Porco : If a planet loses the entirety of its agents ?

Porco : We would set a delegation to take care of emergency business while searching for new ambassadors.

Ichino : Interesting.

Ichino : I’ll take note.

 

Porco : Our says aside: has anything befallen Earth Eleven ? Are they injured in any way ?

Van : Us Sazanaarans have access to the best healing water in the universe.

Powai : it can cure every wound!

Powai : we can give some to you if you need it!

Ichino : Everyone is fine, don’t worry!

Ichino : But thank you a lot!

Ichino : It is extremely generous of you to even consider giving us your healing water.

Van : As peculiar as your species is, we hold you dearly in esteem.

 

Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke, Gurdon Eleven and Roglos Gordon 

Arbega : Ichino Nanasuke?

Ichino : It is indeed me.

Ichino : Arbega Gordon, captain of Gurdon Eleven, I presume?

Arbega : Exact.

 

Arbega : Unfortunately, only my father Roglos, my coach Caldera and I are currently free.

Ichino : It’s alright, I think it’ll be enough

Roglos : Feel free to ask your question. We will be delighted to answer.

 

Ichino : Before you react: it’s only a scenario I imagined, everyone is fine, safe and sound

Ichino : But what would the planets do should Earth or any other planet were to have no more envoys?

Caldera : If Earth Eleven were to retire ? Interesting.

Arbega : Gurdon has little experience in this as well, especially since our species divided into two factions.

Roglos : If anything of the like were to occur, a possible scenario would be to stop any activity inside the organization until new representatives are chosen.

Caldera : This, or you could try a new system of trade, exchanging delegates or calling for ambassadors from other planets to fill in.

Ichino : Alright. I’ll remember that.

 

Roglos : For your instance, Earthling,

Roglos : Gurdon will gladly provide Earth with any assistance needed should any trouble befall on Earth Eleven.

Arbega : Both our technology and our traditional medicine allowed us to strive despite our planet’s harsh living conditions.

Ichino : I can’t believe all of you are willing to help all of us so much.

Ichino : I’ll make sure to tell them.

Arbega : We do owe your friends plenty.

 

Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke and Ratoniik 

Ratoniik : You are the Earthling Kusaka told us about?

Ichino : Yep!

Ratoniik : Hi! It’s Banda Jr and coach Shimur!

Ratoniik : We’re using Ratoniik’s central communication device so it will mostly be me typing.

Ichino : Ok!

Ichino : Hi, Banda Jr! Hello, Mrs Shimur!

Ratoniik : So, you had something to ask?

Ichino : Yeah

 

Ichino : If we no longer had Earth Eleven to be representatives, 

Ichino : What would Ratoniik do in this kind of situation?

Ratoniik : Have they reached the end of their lifespan already?

Ratoniik : I thought Earthlings were longer-lived.

Ichino : No no they’re all alright 

Ichino : I was just wondering 

 

Ratoniik : Coach Shimur says Ratoniik does not have this type of issues.

Ratoniik : Whenever someone dies the next more suited for the task takes their place.

Ichino : Oh, ok!

Ichino : It’s true that it makes sense.

Ratoniik : Well, we hope so!

 

Ratoniik : We may not have the same knowledge as you and the others

Ratoniik : But we know how to treat poison and toxins!

Ratoniik : Earth can always call us for help if you have any case of poisoning issues!

Ichino : I’ll keep it in mind!

 

Ichino : Thanks for indulging me!

Ratoniik : It’s a pleasure!

Ratoniik : Tell Earth Eleven I’d love to see them again before I pass away!

Ichino : Will do!

 

Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke, Faram Dite, Lalaya Obies, Minel Eiba and Katora Paige 

Lalaya : Welcome, friend of Earth Eleven !

Katora : Hello, Ichino !

Gandales : hi exclamation mark 

Barga : HI TINY EARTHLING

Ichino : Hello!

Ichino : May I ask who is there?

Hilary : the shitennou, argo, minel, katora and the princess are here

Hilary : the rest are busy

Ichino : ‘Kay

 

Minel : Earth Eleven informed us of an inquiry you had for us. May we be made aware of it ?

Ichino : Of course.

Ichino : You know the network you all developed after the Grand Celesta Galaxy?

Katora : What of it ?

Ichino : Earth Eleven participates and helps this organization as representatives of Earth, right?

Ichino : Well,

Ichino : What would Faram Obius do if they were all gone?

 

Lalaya : What

Barga : WHAT

Rodan : what

Katora : What did you just say ?

Argo : What are you implying ?

Ryugel : whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat exclamation mark exclamation mark

Gandales : question mark question mark question mark

 

Hilary : human

Hilary : i hope you run fast

Hilary : because faram dite wont take this insult lightly

Minel : To think they would be endangered by one of their own…

Minel : What have you done to them ?

Rodan : and we better like your answer

Rodan : because im going to roast you alive

 

Ichino : They are fine don’t worry!

Ichino : I was curious about how the planets would do if the “ambassadors” were to retire early or something

Argo : If you may excuse my lack of manner: We need proof of your claims.

Lalaya : Prove us Tsurugi’s well-being is not endangered!

Katora : If I may, is it possible to have news of Tenma and Mizukawa as well ?

 

Ichino : Oh uh ok

Ichino : I’ll be right back 

 

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @EarthEleven

Minaho : Back from your questioning session ?

Ichino : Actually not completely

Ichino : First

Ichino : Are some of you together right now?

Tenma : kyousuke shinsuke and aoi are with me!

Tenma : the first years are doing homework in my room

Kusaka : im with konoha 

Ibuki : tetsukado sakura matatagi minori and i are together

Minaho : Manabe and I are at the library !

Shindou : And I assume Zanakurou and I are alone ?

Zanakurou : Indeed.

 

Ichino : Ok cool

Ichino : I kind of put myself in a sticky situation and I need your help

Konoha : did something happen?

Ichino : Kinda

Ichino : Long story short I went to talk to the other planets about my question

Ichino : And when I got to Faram Obius I kind of angered them and made them worry about you

Ichino : Can you send them a message to say you're alright and not ill, dying, missing or anything?

Ichino : Especially Tenma, Tsurugi and Minori?

Tenma : oh

Tsurugi : Is it Lalaya and Minel?

Minori : its katora and lalaya sending you right

Ichino : Everyone but mostly those three, yes

Tenma : ok!

 

Matatagi : must have been one hell of a question

Ibuki : what kind of bombshell you dropped on them

Ichino : Well, you see

Ichino : I’ll tell you later

Shindou : Let us contact Faram Obius first.

Minaho : We might as well send them in the inter-planet group.

Tsurugi : Roger

 

Galactic Salad Bowl 

Tsurugi : *video*

[ The camera opens on Tsurugi holding his phone high, selfie-style, looking a little embarrassed about having to film himself. Thanks to the leverage, we can see Tenma, Aoi, Shinsuke, Hikaru and Kariya sitting around a table with him.

“Hi!” “Hey!” “Hello!”

“We don’t know what’s happening, but don’t worry we’re fine!”

“You know we’d contact you should anything happen, right?”

“Still, it’s very kind of you to worry about us. Thank you.” ]

 

Matatagi : *video*

[ Video of the small group sitting in an outdoor basketball court, Matatagi being the one holding the phone. They all wave at the camera, Tetsukado also flashing a peace sign.

“Hiya!” “Yo!” 

“Apparently we’re all gone? Well, to Sazanaara : bad news, I’m still here.”

“We’re good. No one’s dead or kidnapped, you can stop worrying.”

“And bold of you to assume we’d die without something blowing up. If any of us decide to kick the bucket instead of the soccer ball, be sure it’ll be all over the news.” ]

 

Kusaka : *video*

[ The camera opens on Kusaka’s smiling face. The video moves up and down as he’s walking.

“Yo. We’re just taking a stroll through town. “We” meaning Konoha and me!”

He then turns the phone to show Konoha beside him, holding his free hand. She smiles and waves at the camera.

“We’re doing fine, thank you!”

“And we’ll try to visit soon, Banda Jr!” ]

 

Manabe : *photo*

[ A photo of Minaho smiling at the camera. He has a book in his hand, a stack of novels on a table besides and rows of bookshelves extending behind him. ]

Manabe : As you can notice, we are all safe and sound.

Minaho : *photo*

[ A photo of Manabe putting his phone into his pocket, with the same background as the previous photo. His stack of books is thicker than Minaho, by the fact most of them are encyclopedias and physics manuals. ]

Minaho : Indeed !

 

Zanakurou : *photo*

[ A picture of Zanakurou waving at the camera. Though it is cut and he hasn’t had his make-up applied yet, his Lion Dance costume is visible on him. We can see the outline of a backstage in the background. ]

Shindou : *video*

[ A video of Shindou’s speaking. We can only see his head and his shoulders and behind him stands a plain white wall. While the aliens cannot know, anyone else would have recognized Shindou being sat in front of his piano.

“As unaware as we are regarding the situation, please do not threaten Ichino under the guise of being worried. No matter what he said, know that he likely meant no harm.” ]

 

Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke, Faram Dite, Lalaya Obies, Minel Eiba and Katora Paige 

Hilary : you may live another day

Ichino : Thanks

Rodan : but be careful or sleep with an eye open

Ichino : Duly noted

 

Minel : Though, to rightfully answer your ask:

Minel : Due to our population, we never had to face a shortage of diplomats.

Lalaya : It is a case we need to think about, should anything happen.

Ichino : Understood.

 

Argo : You humans are peculiar beings, carrying such unusual questioning.

Ichino : You aren’t wrong

Ichino : Writers such as me are likely worse

Gandales : how can words be worse than beings question mark

Ichino : We tend to have less filter and qualms about asking our weird questions 

Ryugel : i see exclamation mark

Ryugel : because you put them on paper 

Ryugel : and because you have to filter it with your eyes you forget how to filter with your mouth exclamation mark

Ryugel : right exclamation mark question mark

Barga : BUT HES TYPING HERE THAT DOESNT WORK

Ichino : It could

 

Ichino : But thanks for your answer!

Katora : You are welcome !

 

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : I’m back for real

Konoha : how did it go?

Aoi : Aside from the Faram Obius issue, we mean.

Ichino : It went good

 

Ichino : By the way 

Ichino : You guys are the most protected people in the entire universe now

Sakura : what?

Ichino : You’ve literally got whole planets willing to pool their knowledge together if you ever fall sick or anything

Ichino : Here

Ichino : *screenshots*

[ Screens of the bottom conversations Ichino had, where all the representatives decide to offer their help. ]

Ibuki : saying it once to spare the other from typing

Ibuki : omg

Ichino : Yep

Chapter 4: When, where or how to die

Summary:

Wondering about very hypothetical questions with buddies is the way to go.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone

Ichino : I have a question

Hamano : yep?

 

Ichino : Imagine you can get one info about your death between when, where and how

Ichino : Knowing you can’t fight against it

Ichino : What you get is the absolute truth and you can’t escape or slither your way out of the prophecy

Ichino : Which one would you choose?

 

Kirino : When

Aoyama : When

Hakuryuu : When

Kurama : when

Ichino : Why?

 

Manabe : Death is unavoidable and we shall accept it. However, passing away leaving no unfinished task is, in my opinion, the best way to leave.

Kurama : yeah

Kurama : i need to get my business done before kicking the bucket

Mahoro : I would loathe to leave the mortal plane with regrets.

Zanakurou : Akin to a wandering spirit, our souls would err, searching for a way to appease our woes.

Zanakurou : It is a play I wish not to partake in.

Kirino : There are things I need to tell before crossing this bridge and I need to know how long I have to say it

Konoha : i don’t want to leave with untold thoughts

Ichino : Good reasoning

 

Hakuryuu : Tsurugi and I agreed not to die before breaking our streak of draws

Hakuryuu : Until then, we are immortal

Hakuryuu : So if we know the day of our demise then we also know the day one of us will finally come out on top

Kurama : is your streak really that long?

Tsurugi : It’s like something we can’t avoid

Tsurugi : At this point we don’t care who will be the winner we just want it to end

Tsurugi : And no, faking defeat doesn’t work

Tsurugi : We tried and something happens every time

Hamano : like what?

 

Hakuryuu : We tried a fighting video game once

Tsurugi : In the middle of the battle Hakuryuu put down the controller to see if we could bullshit our way out of the streak

Hakuryuu : And the game crashed 

Kurama : wtf

Tsurugi : Yeah

Tsurugi : Wtf

Hakuryuu : Another time we tried a simple run on a bridge

Hakuryuu : We had Tsurugi slooooowly walk through it, a step every few seconds

Tsurugi : And when Hakuryuu put his foot on it the bridge collapsed

Tsurugi : By the time he got on the other side the timer showed the same time as mine

Hakuryuu : So that’s why we want to know when 

Hakuryuu : We need to be put out of our misery

Ichino

Ichino : Ok

Ichino : The rest of you?

 

Aoi : I need to know how long I will be able to keep up before leaving you to fend for yourself.

Aoi : I’m worried about when that day will come.

Yukimura : oof

Midori : i was gonna say “how” but im joining aoi on this one

Midori : i wanna know whos going to stop living first between the team and me

Aoyama : Also

Aoyama : At least we know we can’t die before the time comes so we yolo our way through life until then

Ibuki : if I die next month that means i can fistfight everyone on the way there and only go after

Ibuki : im going to sock shindou and minamisawa straight in the face and die afterwards if needed

Ichino : I like that reasoning

Ichino : And assgshs Ibuki

Shindou : Whenever you want, Ibuki.

Minamisawa : We are waiting.

 

Sangoku : As long as I can see all my juniors graduate from high school, I will be satisfied.

Sangoku : I have to know if my wish will be fulfilled.

Amagi : you must see further sangoku

Amagi : we must be there for their wedding

Amagi : i will punch death if i have to live till then

Amagi : but i need to see hikaru grow 

Amagi : AND I WILL BE THE ONE TO WALK HIM DOWN THE AISLE 

Hikaru : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hikaru : o//////o

Hikaru : i’d love to have you walk me down the aisle amagi!

Ichino : Hell yeah

Ichino : That’s the best reason to live

 

Senguuji : My objective is to follow my father’s steps and to continue his legacy as an government officer. To achieve this goal, I need plenty of time.

Kishibe : I don’t know what I want to do yet, but succeeding Coach Aphrodi and watching over Kidokawa Seishu is maybe something I could do.

Kishibe : So I need to live long enough to become the best coach possible until I find my true calling!

Ichino : Nice



Miyabino : I’d say where.

Miyabino : I might not be able to fight against my fate but I can at least delay it by avoiding the place.

Tenma : i think id take where too

Kariya : but imagine you get a normal place

Kariya : like “youre going to die on a soccer field” or “youll be home when it happens”

Tenma : no! D:

Ibuki : the absolute horror

Shinsuke : but then ill have a reason to give my all at every match!

Shinsuke : so i wont have any regrets!

Aoyama : Basically Taiyou?

Yukimura : basically taiyou asgddfaa

Taiyou : i mean

Taiyou : not wrong 

 

Kusaka : and if it happens at home then i just need to be careful

Kusaka : or to sleep with an eye open

Kusaka : or to trap my house if its a burglar

Matatagi : sounds stressful as fuck

Kusaka : yeah now that i think of it thats not a good idea

Kusaka : maybe how then

Kusaka : or when

Kusaka : actually idk

Ichino : Don’t worry

 

Minori : knowing myself ill kick the bucket throwing hands so i just want to know which turfs gonna be my grave 

Minori : when ill be going there im bringing the stun gun and taking everyone with me

Kita : aqswgdf

Kita : going down like a warrior

Kita : metal af

Kita : i love that

 

Hamano : id like it if i could lady death could pick me up near some water

Hamano : itd be relaxing

Hamano : like a small date

Ichino : That’s kinda sweet

 

Kishibe : Lady Death? Does Death have a gender?

Senguuji : Does a concept have a gender?

Kurosaki : If Death is symbolised as a human entity, then it could possess one as well as not.

Manabe : Why wouldn’t Death possess multiple representations ? It is usually represented as a scythe, which is an inanimate object.

Sakura : but what if it was someone?

Minaho : Why not Lady Death and Mr Demise ?

Ibuki : theres still gender here

Zanakurou : Might we add a genderless familiar then ? 

Miyabino : Any idea?

Zanakurou : A play I performed recently had Hell represented by a dog. Fell Dog maybe ?

Yukimura : fell dog asdgfd

 

Taiyou : i want fell dog to be the one to fetch me

Tenma : me too!

Kariya : imagine if fell dog looks like sasuke

Shinsuke : please dont say that

Tenma : well

Tenma : i know sasuke is going to go before me its not something i can forget or ignore

Tenma : but if he is fell dog then that means he will go back to fetch me! 

Tenma : so i wont be going alone

Tenma : ill be with my friend that i havent seen for long and he will guide me to where i have to go

Tenma : so its not bad at all

Kariya : ok im crying 

Kariya : i wasnt expecting that answer

Matatagi : i wasnt expecting emotional shit today

Konoha : i don’t think anyone one expected it

 

Namikawa : if im not dying on the sea i refuse to go

Namikawa : if i cant die on the sea im taking myself out on the spot

Nishiki : I DONT REALLY CARE WHERE BUT WHEN I DIE I WANT TO HAVE MY ASHES SPREAD AROUND THE KYOTO RYOZEN GOKOKU SHRINE

Ibuki : the what

Hayami : It’s a Shinto Shrine in Kyoto.

Hayami : Sakamoto Ryoma is buried there.

Hamano : oh thats why

Hakuryuu : Trespassing authorities to scatter the remains of a friend around?

Hakuryuu : You can count on me

Nishiki : THANKS

Ichino : You guys are so extra

Ichino : Awesome

 

Hyoudou : As long as it does not occur on a cliff or at high altitude.

Kita : fear of height?

Hyoudou : A possibility.

Kurumada : I JUST DONT WANT IT TO BE IN A TRAIN

Kurama : for?

Kurumada : REASONS

Kurama : ok

 

Hikaru : i want to know where

Miyabino : Why?

Hikaru : well

Hikaru : if i die close to raimon or teikoku or in a hospital then i can hope ill be surrounded by people i know

Hikaru : i dont really want to be alone when that time will come

Minamisawa : You first years need to stop making me cry. You are supposed to be happy-go-lucky kids.

Tsurugi : Sorry 

Tsurugi : Kariya and I got in the way 

Kariya : we destroyed the innocent first year quota 

Amagi : HIKARU WELL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU

Amagi : THATS A PROMISE

Nishiki : HIKARU WE WONT LET YOU DIE SAD AND ALONE IN AN EMPTY ROOM

Sangoku : Know that we will rush to your side should anything happen to you.

Kariya : your going to die with us morons yelling in the background and thats a promise

Kurama : were not having it any other way

Hikaru : !!!!

Hikaru : thank you!



Ichino : And the “how” group?

Minaho : Keeping the time and the place of my demise builds some suspense I gladly appreciate. However, the circumstances of my disappearance… 

Minaho : It is the peak of my existence ! It must live up to my expectations, lest I refuse my fate !

Akane : Exactly !~

Akane : How exciting would it be to become an unsolved case lacking evidence from decades !~

Sangoku : Are you alright? You’re scaring us.

Akane : By all means !~

Minaho : And in all fairness !

 

Sakura : i want to know if im going to get into a gymnastic accident 

Sakura : i dont want to die falling after a headstand or slipping from the uneven bars

Sakura : thats ridiculous even for a non-gymnast so for a pro

Sakura : 😬

Yukimura : not wrong

Yukimura : if that happens to me with ice skating i want to know if its going to be ridiculous or if ill manage to die with panache

Yukimura : concussion from slipping like a noob is cringe so at least i demand a whiplash injury after a triple axel

Minamisawa : What is wrong with you all ?

Yukimura : have you seen us

Sakura : everything is wrong

 

Shindou : As much as my demand stems from my desire to trace back the causes, the place and the time, I just desire to die peacefully.

Shindou : A swift and painless death would be nice.

Kirino : A legitimate claim

Kirino : But your tiredness shows Shindou

Shindou : Does it ?

Kirino : Yes

Kirino : Next time you spend the night finishing a music sheet please go to sleep and don’t wake up until noon

Shindou : No promise.

Kirino : I will raid your house and put you to sleep myself

Shindou : By all means.

Kirino : I’ll get Raimon involved

Shindou : Maybe not that far.

Kirino : Try me

Sangoku : Try us.

 

Kita : i want to know if my death will be the consequence of my act

Kita : being collateral damage or caught in the crossfire is lame

Kita : at least let me plan my own death

Minamisawa : Will I die on my own or will I get involved in another one of your bullshitry ?

Minamisawa : I will live my life peacefully if the answer happens to be the former.

Tetsukado : id like to avoid getting into another accident involving an assault but at the same time if i die helping someone its worth it

Tetsukado : so how is not a bad thing

Ichino : You have your ways

Ichino : Not bad

Kurama : @Minamisawa 

Kurama : have you seen us

Kurama : if somethings going to get us killed its raimon and no one else

Minamisawa : Let me hope. Let me dream.

Kurama : no

 

Taiyou : nurse fuyuka will kill me if i fall ill again

Taiyou : please tell me its not illness that will end me

Taiyou : everything but being at the end of nurse fuyukas wrath

Kurosaki : Sickness and diseases are also an ill I wish to avoid.

Tsurugi : Understandable

Tsurugi : Kurosaki more than Taiyou but understandable

 

Kariya : i have a list of questions regarding that and i need the answers

Kariya : am i going to die like a fool or will someone kill me for being a dick

Kariya : how spontaneous its going to be

Kariya : how much will it be on me

Matatagi : same

Matatagi : what have i done for those peeps to get rid of me

Matatagi : how many of them took part in the party

Matatagi : whos the one who will push me off the cliff

Matatagi : i need the info

Ichino : Incredible

Ichino : I dig this as some people say

Kishibe : I think the “how” category is not alright…

Taiyou : were perfectly fine wdym

 

Hayami : As much as I want to choose when or where, I know myself enough to know I will stress over the date or the place too much.

Hayami : So how is the less impactful choice for me.

Ichino : That’s fair

 

Kirino : And you, Ichino?

Ichino : How

Ichino : As Aoyama said: Yolo

Ichino : I want to know how I’ll get myself to be killed and how stupid it’ll be

Ichino : Will Faram Obius really come for me or will it be something else?

Kirino : Fair enough

 

Ichino : Wait

Ichino : No

Ichino : I’m taking when

Minaho : Why the sudden change ?

Ichino : I started writing a fanfic and Aoyama convinced me to post it online

Ichino : I don’t want to leave an unfinished WIP on eternal hiatus

Ichino : I need to finish it before I die

 

Ibuki : why can no one here expect to die of old age like normal people

Kirino : Have you seen us?

Kirino : I don’t think anyone from Raimon will get past 40

Kirino : The other team maybe but Raimon? Impossible

Miyabino : One or two people maybe?

Miyabino : Like maybe Aoi or Shindou? 

 

Minori : aoi is probably going to die trying to stop us from doing shit

Kita : i can see Shindou downing a whole bottle of cyanide after losing his chill

Kirino : Next time we get into something bizarre and Shindou is involved in it, he takes a bottle of cyanide and drinks straight from the nozzle

Kirino : That’s how we lose Shindou

 

Matatagi : the one whos going to live the longest is probs tenma

Matatagi : cause hes 

Matatagi : you know

Aoi : Unkillable ?

Matatagi : yeah

Aoyama : Until adulthood at least

Aoyama : We don’t know after that limit

Kurama : coach endou was unkillable when he was younger but as a coach he can die by sacrificing himself to save our asses

Hayami : So coach Tenma, if he ever is to become coach, could die.

Hayami : In this scenario, he would even be the first one to go.

Tenma : oh

 

Ichino : Thanks guys

Ichino : Saving it somewhere 

Nishiki : NO PROB

Notes:

Me : I don’t need to put too much effort in Ichino’s Corner.
Also me : Make an @everyone in Ichino’s Corner.

Do tell me what you think of this question because I did spend quite some time with it stuck in my head.

Chapter 5: Self-commentary

Summary:

Stepping back one or two steps to judge your own face is fun.

Notes:

Guess who finally learned how to embed pictures in Ao3? My tiny behind.

Update from July 27th : I was so close to deleting this chapter (not that it would change anything because this chap is boring asdfghj) because re-embedding that many pictures is not something I want to do again.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone

Ichino : At least those of you who are free

Ichino : Not a question but as stupid if not more

Kirino : Do tell

 

Ichino : Look at a picture of yourself from afar as if it wasn’t you

Ichino : And tell me what you look like

Ichino : Self-deprecation is allowed and even encouraged

Matatagi : perfect

 

Ichino : Take the first picture you can find

Ichino : Where it comes from and how it was taken is not important I just need a face

Sakura : kay

 

Kurama : who starts

Aoyama : @Ichino Kick off the madness

Ichino : Roger

The fandom.com picture of Ichino Nanasuke. Ichino is a boy with dull teal eyes and pale beige hair, from which stick out two strands of light red, one at each side of his head. He is wearing the Raimon uniform and a slight, contented smile.

Hamano : so

Hamano : whats your vibes ichino

Ichino : Honestly

Ichino : With my haircut, my color palette and my empty eyes I look a bit like a cryptid creature

Hamano : asdggv

 

Ichino : @Aoyama Go

The fandom.com picture of Aoyama Shunsuke. Aoyama is a boy with deep brown eyes and hair, with two strands spiking horizontally at the base of his nape. He is wearing the Raimon uniform and a small, yet happy, smile.

Ichino : Verdict?

Aoyama : I give massive gremlin energy

Aoyama : Doesn’t help that I’m short

Yukimura : aqvdgdfhv

 

Shinsuke

The fandom.com picture of Nishizono Shinsuke. Shinsuke is a noticeably short boy with dark and brown eyes and chocolate hair styled like rabbit ears with a light blue headband. He is wearing the Earth Eleven reserve goalkeeper uniform. His expression is between determined and annoyed, supported by his posture: knees slightly bent and his right fist hitting his left palm.

Shinsuke : why do i look so angry

Ibuki : who insulted you

Ibuki : you look ready to fistfight a mf

Minori : out with chill

Minori : in for a brawl

Shinsuke : i look like a fight/ground type pikachu

 

Kurama

The fandom.com picture of Kurama Norihito. Kurama is boy with light teal ruffled hair, which hides his left eye, and brown skin. He wears the Raimon uniform and a confident expression on his face.

Kurama : i look less like an asshole there than i thought

Kurama : but i look way too emo for my liking

Kariya : i think its the haircut

Kurama : ive got one weird color palette

Kurama : im an unblended chocomint ice cream

 

Hayami

The fandom.com picture of Hayami Tsurumasa. Hayami is a boy with fully-black eyes and marron hair, styled with two high and short pigtails. He wears thick-rimmed white round glasses and the Raimon uniform.

Hayami : Were my arms always so thin?

Kurama : hayami

Kurama : all four of your limbs are twigs its not just your arms

Hayami : My haircut makes me look like a nerdy berry.

Sakura : now that you say it

Sakura : i cant unsee the fact you are a fusion between a tomato and a red currant

Ichino : Maybe you should change your glass frames

Hayami : I should.

 

Hamano

The fandom.com picture of Hamano Kaiji. Hamano is a boy with tanned skin, big brown eyes and dark-blue-leaning-on-black hair swept back like a torch. His face is rather blank, if not slightly dissatisfied, and a pair of purple-rimmed swimming googles rests on his forehead.

Yukimura : why are you so blasé

Hamano : probably wasnt listening to whoever was in front of me

Hamano : my brain looks so empty

Hamano : no thought only elevator music in my head

Taiyou : pfffffffffffff

 

Kirino

The fandom.com picture of Kirino Ranmaru. Kirino is an average-built teenager with teal-blue eyes and pink hair. Delicate lashes and low pigtails circle his face.

Kirino : Was I always so androgynous?

Shindou : Yes.

Kirino : Is that why I get so many letters on Valentine's day?

Kirino : Because I look girly?

Shindou : I can’t tell for that one.

 

Nishiki : WHY DO I LOOK SO ANGRY

The fandom.com picture of Nishiki Ryouma. Nishiki is tanned-skinned, tall and a little stocky, dressed with a long high ponytail held by a teal hairband. His sharp face sports black eyes and sharp eyebrows.

Midori : who insulted your bloodline?

Manabe : Why does your uniform have its colors reversed ?

Nishiki : NOT IMPORTANT

 

Tetsukado : you kinda look like a guy who would go to school with a wooden sword

Midori : he did that once with a steel sword

Hikaru : what?

Nishiki : I WAS COSPLAYING

Midori : YOU DIDNT TELL ANYONE AT RAIMON

Midori : WE JUST SAW YOU MESSING AROUND WITH A FUCKING KATANA

Tsurugi : Ah

Nishiki : I FORGOT TO TELL YOU

 

Taiyou

The fandom.com picture of Amemiya Taiyou. Taiyou wears a fair skin, painting around trove-blue irises and sun-shaped hairstyle made of many orange strands of hair.

Hakuryuu : Why are you so angry?

Taiyou : idk

Taiyou : i also dont know if my hair is supposed to be a sun or a tulip made of peeled carrots

Hakuryuu : Given your eyes and your skin color

Hakuryuu : You’re a salad

Taiyou : nice

 

Kariya

The fandom.com picture of Kariya Masaki. He is a boy of green lagoon hair cascading in a mess of straight strands and sharp clay-brown eyes. Two short pointy lashes at the bottom corner of his eyes highlight his hostile stare.

Kariya : an emotionless asshole

Tsurugi

The fandom.com picture of Tsurugi Kyousuke. Kyousuke sports an extravagant navy blue haircut composed of a high ponytail surrounded by a spiky crown, a trio of tufts resting on his forehead and two curly strands hanging below his cheeks. His golden orange eyes have the same traingular shape, sharpness and lashes as Kariya.

Tsurugi : A taller and smuger bitch

Ibuki

The fandom.com picture of Ibuki Munemasa. Ibuki is a tall teenager dressed in a goalkeeper uniform the color of coal and lime. His angular, blackcurrant eyes rest under a black headband, which prevents an imposing mass of limestone tufts from falling on his face. His skin is mildly tanned, and his frown carries an air of challenge.

Ibuki : the tallest dumbass of them all

Ibuki : my hair looks so much like a wet dog

Kusaka

The fandom.com picture of Kusaka Ryuuji in his "Normal" form. The brown-skinned boy is massive and friendly-looking, wide stocky shoulders, broad arms and blocky face contrasting with a soft gaze (his eyes are closed) and fluffly mops of coffee hair held together under a bandana covering his head.

Kusaka : a towering moron

 

Aoyama : Wait

Aoyama : Do you have a pic without the headband?

Kusaka

The fandom.com picture of Kusaka Ryuuji in his "Berserker" form. His bandana is off, revealing unruly mocha strands whipped by the wind. His eyes, formely close, are now open and showcasing garnet eyes with pearly tears about the slide down.

Hamano : the fire background is cool

Ichino : Nice hair

Taiyou : nice eyes

Kusaka : thanks

 

Minori : why are you crying

Minori : which match was it

Kusaka : shashmir

Kusaka : samshir

Kusaka : not important

Kusaka : im keeping the headband either way

Konoha : you don’t have to feel self-conscious about your eyes

Konoha : you’re handsome with or without headband

Konoha : and you’re cute no matter what you wear

 

Sakura : oh dear

Sakura : kusaka died

 

Manabe

The fandom.com picture of Manabe Jinichirou. Rectangle half-framed glasses circle equally-rectangle eyes with oval, pear-like eyes with broad pupils. Light purple hair surrounds his face in diverse types of strands and locks, a mix of straight and curvy.

Matatagi : do we say the obvious thing to say?

Manabe : Please do.

Matatagi : one biggass nerd

Ibuki : the nerdiest nerd that ever existed

Minori : looks like the only thing you can lift is a pen

Manabe : I have the face of someone who spends their entire days coding and playing video games.

Manabe : I give the feeling of being full of myself.

Sakura : just a bit

 

Minaho

The fandom.com picture of Minaho Kazuto. The fair-skinned boy sports an owlish air of eyes mostly composed of a white scleara in which stands tiny pupils and moss teal irises. His orange haircut parts sideway and upwards in a symmetrical series of three dull crests.

Minaho : I now understand what people meant when they told me my enormous eyes were unnerving.

Minori : why you look like youre devising a plan to get rid of someone

Ichino : Why do you have the exact same posture as Manabe?

Minaho : A coincidental situation leading to the both of us adopting such a position.

Yukimura : who the fuck were you judging

Manabe : You need not know.

 

Shindou

The fandom.com picture of Shindou Takuto. Wavy chocolate hair undulates around his cheeks and forehead, highlighting clay irises and an unsatisfied pout.

Tsurugi : You can already tell it’s Shindou from Shinsei Inazuma Japan

Tsurugi : Not even because of the uniform

Tsurugi : But because he looks ready to stew someone

Ibuki : and that someone is most definitely my ass

Kirino : That’s right

 

Kirino : You have something specific in mind Shindou?

Shindou : I had an idiom but I don’t remember it

Kirino : Need help?

Shindou : Nevermind, I found it.

Kirino : And?

Shindou : “Rich bitch boy”

Ibuki : azqsfsdv

Hamano : qsfsrfgnjn

Ichino : AQEDFHFHJ

Aoyama : HOJKDV

Tsurugi : SHINDOU

Kirino : LMAO

Tenma : shindou :o

Sakura : XDDDDDDDDDDD

 

Matatagi : which picture of me do i have to comment

Matatagi : pleasing matatagi or dark side matatagi 

Hamano : youre a pokemon

Ichino : Do both

Matatagi

The fandom.com picture of Matatagi Hayato in his "Pleasing" form. He gives the air of a serious-looking boy with packed tufts of soil-brown crowning wide eyes and sharp eyebrows of full black.

Matatagi : pleasing matatagi looks lost

Matatagi : you know that guy whos always here in the middle of the plot but doesnt have any idea whats going on

Matatagi : thats pleasing matatagi

Matatagi : look at this straight-faced “dont know what im doing” nerd

 

Sakura : and dark side matatagi?

Matatagi : a bitch

Matatagi : thats it

Matatagi

The fandom.com picture of Matatagi Hayato in his "Dark Side" form. Two of his left strands are now cobalt blue and a new smug and confident expression features on his face.

Matatagi : look at this face

Matatagi : it screams “going to put spaghettis in your shoes and wait till the end of training to see your reaction”

Ibuki : wtf

Ibuki  and at the same time not wrong 

Ibuki : but wtf

Matatagi : the pleasures mine

Hamano : nice background

Matatagi : thanks

 

Tenma

The fandom.com picture of Matsukaze Tenma. A chubby, round and tanned face carries a bubbly gaze made of three oval oval of black, gray and black. A elaborate haircut of swirls, curly bangs and wing-like appendices covers his friendly and inviting posture.

Aoi : Awwwww. Look at him!

Tenma : i can see why big sis aki told me i look young

Tenma : i look chubby

Tsurugi : You’re soft

Tsurugi : Great to cuddle

Shinsuke : youre squishy!

Kirino : Our captain everyone

Shindou : A squishy baby boy.

 

Tenma : also

Tenma : its a little like hamano 

Hamano : empty head?

Tenma : there doesnt seem to be a lot of things in it

Tenma : like there would be an echo if you knock on my head

Tenma : like a hollow pot

Matatagi : dont know if i should agree wholeheartedly or try to be nice

Minori : since when you try to be nice?

Matatagi : not wrong

Matatagi : @Tenma you definitely do a echoing “bonk” with this head

 

Hikaru

The fandom.com picture of Kageyama Hikaru. Fin- and tail-like bangs compose his hair, which rest on top of curvy eyebrows of the same color, a soft indigo of blueberry. His eyes are squared almonds, complete ebony except for two quarter circles of glossy ivory on the bottom of each pupils.

Hikaru : i look a bit lost

Hikaru : not mean or anything but not smart

Hikaru : definitely an airhead

Kariya : thats fun given that you actually arent stupid

Kariya : just a bit clumsy

 

Sakura

The fandom.com picture of Nozaki Sakura. She is a thin girl with short features like dashed brows, small round eyes of split aqumarine, blushy cheeks marks and smooth bubblegum hair adorned with an ornate braid and tied in three cherry petals.

Sakura : is it me or do i look like a gossiping bitch

Sakura : the stupid princess type one

Sakura : you know the one with the obnoxious laugh

Tetsukado : i think its still alright

Tetsukado : id say more like the innocent princess who just escaped from the castle

Tetsukado : with the tiny giggle

Sakura : awwwww thank you tetsukado

Sakura : but no

Hakuryuu : She looks like a sweet girl with a secret agenda

Hakuryuu : The secret agenda being arson or murder

Sakura : youre not wrong

 

Tetsukado

The fandom.com picture of Tetsukado Shin. Maroon dreads tied on top of his head reveal a lagoon-teal scalp, both colors respectively found on his brows and eyes. Reddish skin, bulging muscles and protuding pecs make him recognizable, same for his right brow, which is chopped in half.

Tetsukado : i def gives off “rush in first yell second hit third and think at the very last” vibes

Kusaka : why do so many of us look stupid

Hamano : well

Hamano : thats how we are

Kusaka : fair

 

Minori

The fandom.com picture of Mizukawa Minori. Pale beige and deep malachite color her skin, hair and eyes. Elegant almond eyes in smooth curves, thin trimmed eyebrows and stubbed nose draw her face. Delicate waves and glossy length cascade over to reach her shoulders where an amethyst bow hugs her collarbone.

Minori : wow

Minori : is that potomuri

Tsurugi : Yeah

Minori : i look like i dont give a single shit about everything

Minori : my head looks full of void

Minori : but not like tenma

Minori : more like if you hit my head your fist gets swallowed into oblivion

 

Midori

The fandom.com picture of Seto Midori. Pinkish tint and flamingo characterize her skin and hair, deep teal bordering on abyssal lagoon coloring her almond eyes crowned by elegant lashes. A hairband of the same hue adorns the top of her head, her waist-length hair split in a straight curtain and four tentacles decorated with teal and lagoon hairbands.

Ibuki : wtf is this background

Midori : long story

Midori : also wow

Midori : my hair looks much more like tentacles than i thought

 

Tetsukado : how did you get your dye to be so clean

Midori : what dye

Midori : thats my hairbands

Tetsukado : oh

Tetsukado : i might be a bigger idiot than expected

Midori : it happens 

Ibuki : how could you forget that with your hair

Tetsukado : is it weird mines natural?

Sakura : what

Tetsukado : what

 

Konoha

The fandom.com picture of Morimura Konoha. The bushy pine hair of this petite girl is braided in two massive bunches bigger than her head. A rosy button nose, the same color of her blush marks, rests below two beady black eyes.

Aoi : Awwwww. Look at her!

Tetsukado : konoha looks like who she is

Ibuki : small girl

Kusaka : cute

Sakura : adorable

Konoha : aaha

Konoha : .////.

 

Yukimura

The fandom.com picture of Yukimura Hyouga. He dons vibrant, purple, swept-back hair split in strandy bangs and rectangle eyes framed by thick brows and short bottom lashes. His pupil-less irises are deep teal with a small pool of light jade.

Yukimura : is it me or are my eyes rectangle?

Ichino : Character design

Ichino : I just realized you had the same strange lashes as Tsurugi

Yukimura : @Tsurugi where do they come from

Tsurugi : Neither of my parents have them

Tsurugi : But my mother has sharper eyes and sharper lashes than my father

Tsurugi : So I probably get them from my mother side

Yukimura : oh

 

Yukimura : also 

Yukimura : why do so many of us have “asshole” plastered on their face

Kurama : a good summary of our life

 

Hakuryuu

The fandom.com picture of Hakuryuu. Deep garnet orbs stand in the middle of angular eyes. Marble-white hair creates a blossom atop his hair while moonstone-blue spikes and ponytail trails behind.

Hakuryuu : Here I come

Hakuryuu : The ultimate asshole

Yukimura : i dont know how your hair works

Yukimura : and at this point i dont want to

Hakuryuu : Wise decision

Hakuryuu : I don’t know either

 

Minaho : We only have Aoi left.

Hamano : do we do the aoi evolutive line or just final evolution

Konoha : what?

Aoyama : Both

Sakura : what?

Shinsuke : raimon aoi and earth eleven aoi

Hikaru : you mean her haircut?

Shinsuke : yeah

Tetsukado : she got a haircut?

Kariya : yeah

 

Aoi

The fandom.com picture of Sorano Aoi in her pre-Go Galaxy design. Short green agathe hair bobs around her fair-skinned face. Feminine eyelashes highlights her blue emerald and green turquoise eyes.

Ibuki : its the weirdass background again

Sakura : cute hairstyle

Minori : nice bow

Aoi : Thanks!

 

Matatagi : you look a bit like youre planning a murder in your head

Sakura : matatagi why

Matatagi : am i wrong

Konoha : yes?

Minori : actually no

Tenma : matatagi :(

Tenma : minori :(

Aoi : If there was any murder at the time, it was most likely logic or common sense.

Tsurugi : Not wrong

 

Aoi

The fandom.com picture of Sorano Aoi in her Go Galaxy design. Her haircut is bouncier and additional bangs draw a fringe on her forehead.

Kariya : how do you have the same pose and the same stare in the two pictures?

Aoi : Coincidence, I guess.

Tsurugi : You went from summer uniform to thick jersey and jogs

Aoi : They are comfortable.

Aoi : I get why you wear them so much.

Tetsukado : right

 

Ibuki : except that your hair gets poofier

Ibuki : your clothes get thicker

Ibuki : youre not that different

Ibuki : not in a bad way i mean

Ibuki : you can parachute two guys

Aoi : I understand.

 

Ichino : Do we have other people joining?

Manabe : I do not think so.

Manabe : No one connected themselves during our turn.

Ichino : Ok

 

Ichino : Thanks guys

Ichino : You’re dismissed

Minaho : No worries !

Notes:

“Feu is that the wikia picture?” Yes, these are the wikia pictures.

You probably realized some characters didn't take part in it and that's kinda my fault asddffdgf. Ichino's Corner is something I'm "supposed to write without actually putting a lot of effort in it" (which I fail, chapter 4 being a perfect example of that X) ), so there will chapters where I'll hand-pick who will partake to alleviate the load and, hopefully, speed up the writing.

Chapter 6: Unrecommended food consumption

Summary:

Because at some point in your life you happen to stumble upon the situation of you eating a thing you should not be eating.
And when you’re Ichino, you ask your friends if they did the same.

Notes:

Thing to know : Unlike in Effective Communication, Ichino (or Aoyama) can tag @everyone and not have the whole cast answer, only those who decide to.
(That’s my way of sorting only those I want to make appear asdgfhg.)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone

Ibuki : whats up

Namikawa : whats your question ô our grand question giver

 

Ichino : I just drank a bottle of hot sauce thinking it was gazpacho

Ichino : And I should probably haven't done that

Ichino : So I just thought : what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Ichino : Or if you can’t remember, at least something you’re convinced shouldn’t be eaten the way you did

 

Minamisawa : Before we start:

Minamisawa : How do you even confuse a bottle of hot sauce and a bottle of gazpacho ?

Minamisawa : Doesn't gazpacho come in cartoons ?

Ichino : We re-use bottles at home so usually the content is never the same as what's written on the container

Ichino : I once gulped soy sauce thinking it was chilled tea

Shindou : You store tea in bottles ?

Ichino : Listen

Ichino : Please don't ask

Ichino : Just answer

 

Akane : A spoonful of cinnamon !~~

Akane : It was for a challenge.~~

Ichino : I remember that

Ichino : How did you do?

Akane : Easy peasy !~~

 

Hayami : An ice cube with salt.

Hayami : For a challenge too.

Ichino : Ouch

 

Sangoku : Before anyone continue:

Sangoku : Please tell me no one here tried to eat laundry detergent.

Hayami : No.

Minamisawa : No one is that braindead yet.

Minamisawa : I hope.

 

Namikawa : scales

Namikawa : too lazy to scale my fish

Namikawa : and only weak people who cant enjoy food remove the skin

Tenma : you should remove them tho

Tenma : because its bothersome when it gets in your teeth

Tenma : and the skin is too good to spoil it with scales

Namikawa : i know i know

Tetsukado : i can show you super scaling techniques from my family!

Tetsukado : so you can scale it super fast

Namikawa : hit me on 

 

Tenma : uhmmm

Tenma : i like to taste sasukes food

Aoi : Tenma tastes every animal food that falls under his hands.

Tenma : aoi does it with me

Aoi : What have we tested already ?

Tenma : uhm

Tenma : cat food and fish flakes

Tenma : we did bird seeds 

Tenma : we tried hay too

Tenma : after that its the same thing as us

Shinsuke : the same?

Aoi : Grains, vegetables, fruits and the likes.

 

Hikaru : and? 

Kariya : how it is

Tenma : dog kibbles are very dry

Tenma : wet food tastes better

Tenma : a bit like meat jelly

Aoi : Bird seeds taste like seeds. Nothing surprising.

 

Yukimura : a bowl of ice with soy sauce

Tetsukado : like

Tetsukado : shaved ice?

Yukimura : no

Yukimura : took a handful of snow on the side of the road

Yukimura : clean snow dont worry

Yukimura : put it in a bowl 

Yukimura : drizzled soy sauce on it 

Yukimura : and grabbed my chopsticks

Manabe : How did this idea come across your head ?

Yukimura : i wasnt alone

Yukimura : i was with a bunch of friends

Matatagi : were you all so hungry youd eat snow

Yukimura : from afar you can mistake it for shiny rice

Matatagi : dont think im delusional enough for that

Yukimura : when youre a kid you dont need delusion 

Yukimura : youre the delusion

Matatagi : not wrong

 

Sakura : melted candies on toast

Sakura : twice

Kirino : Why twice?

Sakura : once i was with friends and we tried to make sweet soup by melting candies in a pot

Sakura : it ended up like some sort of caramel so it was too thick to drink 

Sakura : so we put it on bread to make toast instead

Kusaka : and the second time?

Sakura : bread and dragées in the microwave

Hamano : sounds like something id do out of curiosity

Sakura : what i did

 

Taiyou : you know when you want a snack but theres nothing in the fridge or in the cupboards

Taiyou : sometimes i want to eat savory food but there are only biscuits or yogurt

Taiyou : so i do with what i have

Manabe : Meaning ?

Taiyou : flat white untoasted bread sandwich with ketchup mayonnaise applesauce and cream cheese inside

Matatagi : wow

Matatagi : that fridge aint empty its antimatter at that point

Kariya : the more i read it the worse it sounds

Yukimura : and 

Yukimura : how is it?

Taiyou : not that bad actually

 

Sangoku : Are “drinks” allowed?

Ichino : Yes but I fear what you have

Sangoku : A mix of black vinegar, soy sauce and sesame oil

Ichino : Leftover dipping sauce?

Aoyama : Still passable

 

Kishibe : I used to eat tea leaves after brewing a pot of tea.

Shindou : Why ?

Kishibe : I thought it was a waste to throw them away.

Kishibe : My team told me to stop soon enough.

 

Amagi : tinfoil 

Amagi : im not good at unwrapping leftover food

Kurama : nice surprise at lunch

Hikaru : i can show you how to wrap them

Hikaru : Mr Genda showed me a way so it’s easy to unwrap

Amagi : thanks!

 

Ibuki : you know dietary complements

Ibuki : some are flavored or made with natural ingredients

Ichino : Let me guess

Ichino : You eat them like candies

Ibuki : sometimes

Kariya : i mean

Kariya : vitamins gummies are quite tasty

Kariya : far from the best but theres worse

Minaho : I guess so. However, I have the feeling he might not be talking about fruit-flavoured vitamin gummies. Am I right ?

Ibuki

Shindou : Ibuki Munemasa, what kind of dietary complement do you snack on ?

Ibuki :  

Ibuki : fish oil capsules

Minamisawa : Of all the things,

Minamisawa : Fish oil.

Ibuki : it tastes great okay?

Kurama : it doesnt?

Hamano : it tastes great

 

Ibuki : tell me shindou what you have

Shindou : Ants.

Kirino : Ants

Kurama : gonna take a gander and assume you did it together

Matatagi : did you just go in shindous garden and grab ants like it was snack time?

Kirino : Nope

Kirino : We weren’t aware they were ants until after we ate them

Tsurugi : Ok

Tsurugi : How?

Shindou : My parents brought a bag of cooked ants from a trip abroad.

Shindou : We thought it was shredded licorice and decided to taste.

Kirino : We got told when a maid came back to the kitchen to us shoving a handful of ants in our mouths.

Hikaru : how do they taste?

Hayami : Sour I guess ?

Kirino : @Hayami How did you know?

Hayami : It’s because of the formic acid.

Shindou : What ?

Hayami : Formic acid.

 

Aoyama : Cardboard, paper and tissue 

Kurama : why

Hamano : why not

Aoyama : It dissolves easily in water so I thought I could eat it like cotton candy

Aoyama : Also don’t tell me you never wondered how paper tasted like

Kurama : i have

Kurama : doesnt mean i tried it out

Hayami : And the results ?

Aoyama : Taste like fiber with variations

Aoyama : Dunno how to explain the taste to you

Aoyama : But it sucks all the moisture in your mouth so it feels dry

Aoyama : Paper tastes a bit like ink

Kirino : How do you know what ink tastes like?

Aoyama : Tried it too

Aoyama : Can’t explain the taste either

Aoyama : I’d say bitter?

 

Matatagi : cake wrapping

Kishibe : Isn’t it dangerous?

Matatagi : i think its alright

Matatagi : and it was me or my brothers either way so better have the bigger one eat them

 

Manabe : Lip balm, accidental.

Sakura : understandable

Minaho : Lipstick.

Minaho : Not accidental.

Nishiki : UNDERSTANDABLE TOO

 

Tetsukado : shampoo and shower gel

Hamano : conditioner and hand cream

Nishiki : BODY SCRUB

Sangoku : Why do so many of you eat cosmetics?

Hamano : it gets you pretty curious when they start putting fruit in them

Tetsukado : i dont want watermelon and banana on my hair i want them on my plate

Nishiki : CRUNCHY PINEAPPLE IS NICE

Sangoku : I see…

 

Hikaru : i swallowed an eraser once

Hikaru : it was an accident i swear!

Kariya : sounds fake

Kariya : luckily we trust you

Amagi : promise?

Hikaru : promise!

Hikaru : i was chewing it and bit a piece

 

Kariya : dont know if its better than grass and dirt

Kariya : before you ask

Kariya : trip in the mountains with the adults busy setting camp and no one supervising me

 

Kurumada : SAND

Sangoku : Sand?

Kurumada : IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRIP

Tenma : thats true!

 

Kurama : a pebble

Midori : youre not a bird or some cattle you dont need that

Midori : your stomach is more than strong enough to do its job alone

Kurama : its better than marbles 

Midori : not really???

 

Kusaka : dust

Kirino : People shouldn't take “bite the dust” so literally

Kusaka : some do

Konoha : were you hurt?

Kusaka : oh it wasnt a gang fight

Kusaka : just confused a ball of dust for something else

Sakura : for what?

Kusaka : long story

 

Midori : a piece of leather

Midori : well

Midori : fabric and threads as a whole

Midori : wool and plush stuffing too

Hayami : Why ?

Midori : there was a time i started sewing and thread work 

Akane : It’s better to cut your threads with a pair of shears.

Akane : It’s less dangerous and it lowers the chances of splitting.

Midori : learned that

Midori : sometimes im just too lazy to fetch the scissors

 

Shinsuke : i swallowed plastic pieces of children toys once

Matatagi : how old were you

Shinsuke : past 3 year old if thats what you want to know

Matatagi : just because it says between 0 and 3 doesnt mean you have the right to ingest them after

Shinsuke : i know

 

Zanakurou : I often find myself breaking segments of chopsticks.

Tenma : how? 

Tenma : chopsticks are very hard for me

Tsurugi : Tenma don’t bite chopsticks

Tenma : i wont!

Manabe : Were you biting them too hard ?

Zanakurou : I do not think so. I recon using the ordinary amount of strength expected of a human being savouring his meal.

Minaho : I wasn’t aware Lion’s bite strength could transfer to his host.

Minaho : We should study this case further.

Zanakurou : It is fairly embarrassing to return a pair of broken chopsticks when dinner ends.

Kusaka : theres better to live through i guess 

Nishiki : I GET YOU

 

Konoha : i already ate wild mushrooms and wild berries

Kishibe : Were they poisonous? If so, are you alright?

Taiyou : did you just take a stroll in a forest and decided to imitate the animals you were seeing by picking whatever edible thing you could see?

Konoha : yes

Konoha : i think some of them were

Sakura : a bit afraid but

Tetsukado : what else you tasted?

Konoha : leaves and tree bark?

Konoha : that’s still alright honestly

Amagi : kusakas not reacting

Amagi : its strange

Minaho : Knowing him, Kusaka likely fainted.

 

Hakuryuu : Someone else's blood

Tsurugi : Someone else’s blood

Tenma : what?

Taiyou : where

Aoi : When ?

Shindou : Who ?

Shinsuke : how?

Kirino : The five W

Hakuryuu : Blood

Tsurugi : God Eden

Hakuryuu : Training

Tsurugi : Each other’s

Hakuryuu : Treating injuries

 

Shindou : It doesn’t clear anything at all.

Tsurugi : Injuries in the wild and saliva makes for an okay emergency disinfectant

Minori : couldnt you use yours instead of the other?

Hakuryuu : It happened twice with two different situations

Kirino : Which are?

Tsurugi : When you want to treat a whole scratched forearm and you don’t want to spit on the wound and you don’t have water nearby so you don’t think too much about licking skin

Hakuryuu : Same but you have one strip of gauze and half a bottle of water you use on the wound, ending with you getting blood over your hands while treating the injury so you just lick the blood off your fingers

Akane

Midori

Kusaka

Minori

Kirino : Kay

Konoha : if you say so…



Ibuki : im surprised aois still standing and hasnt gotten a stroke since we started

Aoi : To be honest, I don't think I can say anything there.

Matatagi : hoho

Matatagi : is aoi unhinged?

Aoi : Internally, I’m convinced.

Matatagi : im interested

Matatagi : tell me what you did

 

Tenma : was it the paint on the paintbrush from when we were younger?

Midori : paint?

Midori : thats toxic af aoi wtf were you thinking

Tenma : we were out of water and she wanted to clean it

Minori : what the fuck

Minori : how can you be out of water when painting?

Minori : where were you?

 

Aoi : @Tenma Not the paint. I think I did worse than that.

Aoi : Well, it depends on how you see it, I guess ?

Manabe : Worse than pain and brushes ?

Aoi : Be honest:

Aoi : Do you consider glass worse than paint ?




Tenma : aoi

Tsurugi : aoi

Akane : aoi

Midori : aoi

Shindou : aoi

Shinsuke : aoi

Konoha : aoi

Minori : aoi

Sangoku : aoi

Matatagi : aoi

Kirino : aoi

Tetsukado : aoi

Sakura : aoi

Kusaka : aoi

Nishiki : AOI 

 

Minamisawa : I take back everything I said during this conversation about brain death. We have lunatics there but not the ones I was expecting.

Kusaka : how are you alive?

Minori : how in fuck and why the fuck glass

 

Aoi : There was a bowl of strawberry jam on the table next to an opened jar so I made myself some toasts.

Aoi : I bit into something crunchy and thought it was just the seeds and only noticed halfway through the second toast that the top of the jar was shattered to pieces and the jam in the bowl glimmered under the sunlight.

Tenma : aoi i know you 

Tenma : i beg you please tell me you stopped eating that toast

Aoi : Tenma, you know me.

Aoi : I paid no mind and finished my toast.

 

Tenma : AOI NO

Tsurugi : AOI WHAT

Akane : AOI WHAT

Midori : AOI THE FUCK

Shindou : AOI NO

Shinsuke : AOI WHY

Konoha : AOI 

Hikaru : NO

Kariya : AOI WHAT

Minori : AOI WTF

Sangoku : AOI NO

Taiyou : DONT DO THAT

Kirino : AOI NO

Tetsukado : AOI NO

Amagi : NO

Sakura : AOI WHAT

Hayami : WHAT

Kurama : WHAT

Kusaka : WHAT!?

Kurumada : NO

Ichino : AOI

Aoyama : AOI

Manabe : NO !

 

Zanakurou : You ought to take better care of yourself.

Aoi : It was an accident.

Minamisawa : Finishing a toast full of glass shards after noticing said glass shards is NOT an accident. It is folly.

 

Ibuki : i kind of regret starting that conversation 

Matatagi : i regret pressing further into the conversation

 

Ichino : Let’s end it before we learn about worse from Kurosaki or Hyoudou

Hakuryuu : Let’s

Aoyama : I was expecting more badly made food and less pieces of landscape

Ibuki : why are so many of us insane?

Minamisawa : You tell me.

Notes:

Please don’t do like Aoi. In general, don’t do as they did.
Also yes, some of them I either did or heard of. Why so few food and why so many non-edible materials?
But question for you : what have you done yourself in that matter?

Chapter 7: Kiss, Hug, Carry, Be carried

Summary:

The soccer pitch has quite the deal of assets for physical contact.

Notes:

They’re not playing Kiss, marry, kill if that’s what you thought about.
Maybe I should do that one day.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone

Ichino : No context, not as if there is one anyway

Ichino : If I set up a kissing and a hugging booth, who should I put in there to make the most profit?

 

Kirino : Put Shindou in the kissing booth

Shindou : Put Kirino in the kissing booth.

Akane : A kiss from Shindou ! 💗💗💗

Nishiki : KIRINO FOR THE KISS

Kita : put shindou in the kissing booth

Hayami : You can have Kirino for the kissing booth.

Kishibe : Shindou is pretty popular, right? I think he could be in the kissing booth.

Kurama : put them both there

Midori : shindou and kirino

Midori : kiss

Tsurugi : Kirino and Shindou in the kissing booth

Hamano : shindou and kirino are really popular!

Hamano : bet theres people who want to kiss them

Tenma : shindou and kirino are very handsome

Tenma : im sure a lot of people would like to have a kiss from them

Minamisawa : If we have to state the obvious: do you know how many letters Shindou and Kirino receive at Valentine’s ?

Minamisawa : You will decimate the student body with them.

 

Ibuki : lmfao

Ibuki : straight off the beat

Yukimura : i cant get over how shindou and kirino were the first to throw the other name in half a second flat

Kirino : I know my best friend

Shindou : I know my best friend.

 

Shindou : Before I forget, include Taiyou.

Tenma : taiyou! :D

Tenma : you know sometimes he does this little wink thats very cool and handsome :D

Tenma : with a very pretty smile too :D

Tenma : taiyou is pretty and handsome :D

Taiyou : :o 

Taiyou : o///o

Ichino : Of course

Ichino : I was going to add him either way

 

Tsurugi : Tenma should be in the hugging booth

Ichino : @Tsurugi Because of boyfriend bias, I can’t allow you to say anything for Tenma 

Tsurugi : Too late

Ichino : I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to take your opinion into account here

Tsurugi : Fair

 

Ichino : @Tenma Same here, you can’t vouch for Tsurugi

Tenma : but he gives great hugs :(

 

Aoi : Objectively speaking,

Aoi : Put Tenma in the hugging booth.

Shinsuke : im not tsurugi but tenma should really hug people

Taiyou : make tenma hug people i promise you its worth it

Ichino : I should’ve expected that

 

Aoi : While I’m at it, put Tsurugi in the hugging booth too.

Hakuryuu : You can put Tsurugi in both but he prefers hugging

Konoha : i think Tsurugi like hugs, so the hugging booth isn’t too bad for him

Tetsukado : hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

Ichino : A bit more unexpected but not that much

Ichino : Ok

 

Tetsukado : also you know

Tetsukado : hugs and kisses are great i love them 

Tetsukado : but have you ever been carried by kusaka and zanakurou?

Tetsukado : bear hug + warmth + you feel safe + super relaxing

Tetsukado : id also take this

Tetsukado : with a kiss from sakura and a hug from ibuki

Tetsukado : or better

Tetsukado : to carry shinsuke

Tetsukado : or to be carried by minori

 

Manabe : Anything you wish to confide in ?

Tetsukado : you people are lit and physical contact is my protein powder

Taiyou : mood

Yukimura : mood

Tenma : its true!

Kurumada : AGREED

Nishiki : SAME

 

Miyabino : Minori carries people?

Manabe : Half of your time is spent wondering about the possibility of being used as a majorette baton. Otherwise, it is agreeable.

Minori : nothing better than to have them tucked in the crook of your arms

Minori : except maybe lifting them by the collar

Minori : pretty good feeling too

Midori : agreed

 

Ichino : Ok guys, I’m setting a carrying booth as well

Manabe : May I propose Kurosaki and Senguuji as carriers ?

Akane : Kurosaki is like a dashing prince !~~

Akane : And Senguuji give such a protective aura !~~

 

Kurama : do you think we should carry the girls?

Hayami : I would rather have Midori carrying me.

Midori : id rather carry people

Ichino : Duly noted

 

Hamano : carry kurama!

Hamano : hes small and cute

Kurama : if i knew that one day id be called cute

Hamano : youre cute and cool! >w<

 

Kurama : hugging hamano is like having a stack of wet towels on your shoulders

Hamano : heavy?

Hayami : A bit weird but the weight is comforting.

Hamano : :o

Hamano : :DDD

 

Shinsuke : amagi can lift people with one arm!

Aoyama : Nishiki can lift people over his head

Ichino : Acrobatic stunt carriers, check

 

Hakuryuu : Actually, put Tsurugi in the carriers

Tsurugi : Sure?

Hakuryuu : You have my word

 

Tsurugi : Then same for Hakuryuu

Tsurugi : I speak from experience before you ask

Hakuryuu : I carried you like a potato sack

Tsurugi : If I felt at rest while being carried like a limp pillow then the bridal carry will be great

Ichino : Got it

 

Hikaru : i think kariya could be in the carry zone but as the carried

Hikaru : it’s very cozy to hold him

Kariya : hello everyone

Kariya : im a cat

Kariya : im warm and i can purr you can carry me

Kirino : I’m sold. 

Shindou : Come here.

 

Kariya : before i get thrown into two pairs of arms

Kariya : hikaru for hugging

Kariya : hes like a bouncy plushie

Amagi : second that

Amagi : let him be hugged

 

Tenma : i think fey would give good hugs 

Tenma : and kinako too

Tenma : and shuu!

Tenma : theyre warm and soft

Tenma : all three

Hakuryuu : Shuu doesn’t hug much

Hakuryuu : But you’re not that wrong, he’s pretty snug to hug if he lets you

Ichino : Alright

Ichino : All three have been added to the hug booth

 

Kurama : i guess it depends, but i think some people would like a kiss from beta 

Shindou : Meia and Giris are quite charming themselves.

Hamano : imagine a double kiss from them >//w//< 

Akane : 💗

 

Tenma : i think saru should be held

Hikaru : you do?

Tenma : he looks like someone who likes to be held

 

Manabe : Where should we include Aoi ?

Taiyou : i love how its not "should we add her" but "we know she got to be somewhere, the question is where"

Shinsuke : hug

Tenma : kiss

Kusaka : headpats

 

Minamisawa : Headpats ?

Ibuki : not wrong

Ibuki : she looks like the kind of people who would

Ibuki : you know

Ibuki : like a teacher or a parent

Kusaka : she gave me one

Kusaka : it was nice

 

Ichino : Aoi is just a mom

Kirino : Given the team she has to deal with

Kirino : It's not that far from the truth

 

Aoi : What am I going to do with you unruly children ?

Hamano : i want a headpat!

Tetsukado : i want a mom kiss!

Tenma : hug! :D

Sakura : headpat! 🥰

Miyabino : Can I have one too?

Aoi : Come here, you lots. I have love and affection to give.

 

Taiyou : hey

Taiyou : you know who would blow up everything if we put him in the three booths?

Taiyou : yuuichi

Hamano : oh

Ibuki : oh

Nishiki : OH

Namikawa : hell yeah

Kita : count me in

Minaho : What a ground-breaking discovery !

 

Ichino : @Tsurugi @Tenma Asking the local Yuuichi experts

Ichino : Hug?

Tsurugi : Oh you aren’t ready

Tsurugi : Once you experienced it you can't go back ever again

Tenma : he gives good hugs!

Tenma : its a family thing i think

Ichino : Ok for the hug

 

Aoyama : Kiss?

Tsurugi : That I don’t know

Taiyou : yes

Taiyou : hes 👌

Shindou : He gives all his love and affection into his kisses.

Hakuryuu : How do you?

Taiyou : he kissed me goodnight before

Shindou : He likes to kiss people goodnight. He did it once for me during a sleepover at the hospital.

 

Tsurugi

Tsurugi : We stopped doing that because we don’t sleep in the same room anymore

Taiyou : i cant believe im telling you that

Taiyou : but ask him for kisses again because youre missing something 

Tsurugi : I know I’m missing something

Ichino : Ok kissing is good too

 

Amagi : is it alright for him to carry people?

Tsurugi : It’s alright 

Tsurugi : It doesn’t seem like it, but he's strong enough to lift me with his arms stretched out in front of him

Sakura : sign me in

Sakura : i want a hug, a kiss and to be carried like a princess 

Ichino : Carrier registered

 

Aoyama : Conclusion?

Ichino : He would destroy the economy

Tsurugi : And I have to step in and refuse

Tsurugi : What if I lose him?

Hakuryuu : Not wrong

Hakuryuu : We can’t risk that

Hakuryuu : If we lose his brother we lose Tsurugi in the process

Hakuryuu : And we'd rather not have that

Notes:

End results :
Kiss : Shindou, Kirino, Taiyou, Sakura, Beta, Meia, Giris, Aoi
Hug : Tenma, Tsurugi, Ibuki, Hikaru, Hamano, Fey, Kinako, Shuu, Aoi
Carry : Kusaka, Zanakurou, Minori, Kurosaki, Senguuji, Midori, Tsurugi, Hakuryuu, Amagi, Nishiki
Carried : Shinsuke, Kurama, Kariya, Saryuu
All three : Yuuichi
(Secret booth) Headpatting booth : A lot of Go adults + all the goalkeepers + Matatagi + Aoi(?)

Update : Thanks Chulian for noticing I forgot Aoi there! Her part has been added!

Chapter 8: One Piece Red : Inazuma singers 1

Summary:

Assigning songs because Ichino and Aoyama can.

Notes:

If people wonder : I actually haven’t seen the film. I haven’t actually watched or read One Piece. But these songs, I know them a lot.
I think the small fusions (if we can call them as such) or the works I do not know deeply will stay here with Ichino, since it’s just assigning one or two small details, not enough for a full-fledged AU.
There are some spoilers in this, but I hope they aren’t that spoilery.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @Raimon

Aoyama : @Raimon

Midori : what is it this time

 

Aoyama : The last One Piece movie

Hayami : One Piece Film: Red ?

Aoyama : Yeah

 

Ichino : You see

Ichino : The songs

Kariya : the songs?

Ichino : The songs are super good, right?

Hamano : yeah!

 

Ichino : I have

Ichino : An idea

Kirino : Of course

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Ichino : Obviously, New Genesis is for Tenma and Aoi

Tenma : it is?

Aoi : It is ?

Tsurugi : Of course

Shindou : Logical.

Shinsuke : yeah!

Kariya : fair

 

Tenma : ??

Tsurugi : Tenma, Aoi

Tsurugi : You realize that:

Shindou : You are newcomers who appeared and broke through the statu quo as fast as this song broke through the charts.

Hayami : Young prodigy singers with a talent that had to be discovered,

Kariya : we know you two can sing

Kurama : a song breathing undying optimism

 

Hikaru : “if i change the world”

Nishiki : “I SING FOR LIBERATION”

Hamano : “do you wanna play”

Amagi : “unfurl the chain”

Kurumada : “MELODY LIGHTING UP THE PATH TO NEW HORIZONS”

Midori : “i wanna be free”

Akane : “And let a brand new era dawn” !~~

Kirino : “We can choose the way of our future”

Shindou : “This boundless music brings transformation.”

Tsurugi : “This dream will come true”

Shinsuke : “i believe in you”

 

Aoyama : This

A picture of Uta from the clip New Genesis/新時代. Uta is facing the screen with her hand raised, palm stretched outward as if offering her hand to the viewer. She is surrounded by a background of soft pastel pink and blue, with bubbles all around the screen.

Aoyama : For Tenma

Aoyama : And THIS

A picture of Uta with the exact same composition as the previous one. The background here is dark with golden hues and Uta has her eyes closed, stretching her smile wider. It seems like a night scenery of the image from before.

Aoyama : For Aoi

Sangoku : We’re sorry to announce this to you.

Sangoku : But you are the song New Genesis.

 

Tenma : aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Aoi : Help

Midori : you know you cant deny it

Akane : The best thing is to accept it !~~

 

Hamano : so when the movie starts with the crew going to elegia

Hamano : we go for a big gathering of singers

Hamano : all the crews from all horizons

Hamano : and tenma and aoi are special guests with their new song! :D

Tenma : o////o

 

Shinsuke : if we were in one piece

Shinsuke : tenma could have conquerors haki with arthur!

Shinsuke : or a wind logia!

Shinsuke : or maybe a pegasus mythical zoan!

Tenma : :D

 

Kariya : aoi is a fusion of nami and chopper

Kariya : dont need power to be badass

Kariya : and shes the medic

Kurama : the managers are all nami and chopper

Kurama : keeping the ship away from sinking and getting lost out there

Kurama : and keeping us out of the underworld

 

Kurumada : IMAGINE IF KESHINS AND HISSATSUS WERE DEVIL FRUITS

Amagi : you realise wed have akane, midori and aoi as the only people who can swim?

Aoi : It would not be that unrealistic…

Midori : our job: saving your asses from drowning

Akane : Truly like us !~~

Ichino : The lifeguards

Ichino : The three MVPs of the crew

 

Sangoku : That means Tenma would lose his ability to swim.

Tenma : D:

Tsurugi : You can’t deprive Tenma of water

Tsurugi : He needs to swim once in a while it’s necessary for his growth

Amagi : but what can we do?

Amagi : devil fruit users cant swim thats the rule

 

Kariya : i know

Kariya : when tenma wants to swim

Kariya : or to try swimming at least

Kariya : aoi ties him at the end of a fishing rod and she carry him into the water

Kariya : that keeps his head out of water and he can still try swimming

Kariya : and that applies to all of us

Midori : cant wait to fish you out of a pool like that

 

Aoi : We did that once, didn’t we ?

Tenma : we did

Tenma : it was fun! :D

Aoi : It was !

 

Hamano : tsurugi is zoro with his three swords!

Hamano : one for lancelot

Hamano : one for okita

Hamano : and a childhood one from his brother!

Hamano : and a wolf zoan!

Tsurugi : My backstory in three swords

Tsurugi : And a fruit

 

Ichino : Then Shindou and Kirino should both have Observation Haki since they are the strategists

Akane : A shiny Shindou with a Peacock Zoan !✨

Akane : And a Mist Logia Kirino !✨

 

Shinsuke : hikaru can have armament haki since hes super powerful!

Hikaru : me!?

Amagi : YEAH!

Kariya : itd be logical

 

Kurama : im pretty sure tenma and aoi are the type to start singing then drift off the script and ad-lib half the song

Hamano : but the add-ons are so good they look like they were planned!

Aoyama : The sound mixer listening be like “omg the ad-libs are SPOT ON”

Shinsuke : so they keep the recording as it is!

 

Tenma : thats

Aoi : The ad-libbing part is actually quite accurate.

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Aoyama : I'm Invincible has Arakumo vibes

Aoyama : So Taiyou is an obvious choice

Ichino : But we were also thinking of Nishiki

 

Nishiki : @Taiyou TAIYOU

Taiyou : ok what did i miss?

Nishiki : YOU AND ME

Nishiki : IM INVINCIBLE FROM THE ONE PIECE MOVIE

Taiyou : OH YEAH

 

Taiyou : also tenma and aoi for new genesis is the only possible choice

Tenma : taiyou! o//o

Aoi : Taiyou no.

Taiyou : dont fight it

Taiyou : theyre right

 

Taiyou : for im invincible

Taiyou : it’s the “when clouds build up inside my song can clear the sky” is it?

Ichino : Not wrong but the one that struck us the most was “My dream is now your wish and my hope never-ending” and “You and I, unstoppable when we’re together We can have it all”

Aoyama : That's literally Taiyou and Arakumo on both sides

 

Tenma : i think “see how i move with such grace like a dancer on the stage” suits taiyou too :D

Tenma : because hes very graceful and pretty

Aoyama : There is that also:

Aoyama : “We keep repeating the same mistakes The cycle’s got to break”

Taiyou : im out of the hospital the cycle indeed broke ✌️

 

Shindou : What about “It’s time to work through all the pain And be the one to change”

Taiyou : i dont like this

Shindou : “The dream that I once had still beats strongly in my heart” ?

Taiyou : why am i feeling called out?

Shindou : It might be a possibility.

 

Hamano : i know!

Hamano : for nishiki its the “let worry fall away”!

Hayami : And the “No fear allowed to stay” ?

Midori : i think the “were obliged to do everything we want” is just him

Nishiki : I THOUGHT THE “MY FEELINGS MAY BE STRONG BUT THERES POWER WHEN YOU HAVE PASSION”  WAS WHAT TILTED YOU

Minamisawa : Along with the “When fog builds up inside my song can clear your mind”, probably.

 

Ichino : I think the “You know I’m invincible Everything is alright” is very you two

Ichino : Also

A picture of the clip I'm Invincible/私は最強, sung by Ado. On the center is the character Uta, facing forward and staring assuredly at the screen. The background is made of various neon-colored pictures of animals and Nature (namely, a horse, a lion, a whale, a parakeet and fishes).

Ichino : This picture but it’s you and the Mixi Maxes behind

Nishiki : OH YEAH

Taiyou : OH YEAH

 

Hikaru : is there a sun sun devil fruit in one piece?

Ichino : I don’t remember

Ichino : There are too much Fruits in One Piece

Hamano : doesnt matter

Hamano : we can make one for taiyou!

Hamano : a logia can makes him turn into the sun

Kurama : so taiyou is just one big ball of burning gas

 

Shinsuke : its super powerful

Shinsuke : but the downfall is that he burns himself 

Shinsuke : and the air is so hot its hard to breath in this form

Taiyou : does it needs to be that realistic?

Aoyama : Not funny otherwise

 

Nishiki : I CAN HAVE AN ARMOR DEVIL FRUIT 

Nishiki : OR TO SUMMON BLADES

Hayami : would that be a metal logia or a weapon paramecia?

Nishiki : DONT KNOW

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Ichino : Backlight is a big bite

Aoyama : But not as much as Tot Musica

Tenma : D:

Taiyou : fear

Sangoku : Oh no.

Amagi : a part of me was hoping youd skip the last three songs

Ichino : Unfortunately, no

Ichino : Aoyama was inspired

 

Aoyama : @Kusaka 

Aoyama : @Fey @Zanark

Ichino : Sorry to bother you, but can you come online for a few sec?

Kusaka : ok

Fey : Of course!

Zanark : *audio*

[ “I thought you’d do that!

Show me your writing!” ]

 

Aoyama : Ok since I don’t know if you know it

Aoyama : Listen to that first

Aoyama : *link to the song Backlight*

Fey : Kay

 

Fey : ‘Kay we’re back

Zanark : *audio*

[ “Such power and intensity! I like it!” ]

Kusaka : i saw the movie

Kusaka : not my favorite song but its also good

Aoyama : Ok prepare yourself

Aoyama : I think the song is a bit like you

 

Aoyama : @Kusaka 

Aoyama : Given your backstory

Aoyama : Are “My memories so good and awful it seems they gave me a grudge” “I’m not playing the victim, no more” “My heart got tangled up bad and now it’s frayed” “Though my anger exhausts me and I fall apart” good lyrics for you?

Kusaka

Kusaka : i dont like that

Ichino : Sorry

Kusaka : dont mind

Kusaka : i mean

Kusaka : its not wrong

Kusaka : but i wasnt thinking about that when the song showed on the screen

 

Midori : kusaka during the match against shamshir be like

A Picture of Uta from the clip Backlight/逆光. The background is black with read glowing strings running on it with kanjis of the same colour. Uta's profile is entirely drawn white, with a bluish shade on her. Her right eye, the only one visible, is glowing red and she bears an angry and ressenting expression.

Kusaka : i cant believe it

 

Aoyama : Same for @Fey

Aoyama : Do you think “I have left bitterness and resentment behind me and it is all thanks to him” “Look, it’s the clowns who think they know how crushing loneliness can be” are fitting?

Aoyama : With this:

A picture of a red pirate hat illuminated by a orange spotlight. On the screen are the kanjis for "And it is all thanks to him".

Aoyama : Yes, “him” is your father

Aoyama : Yes, it's your rabbit plushie instead of the hat

Fey : I don’t like it

Taiyou : why the second one tho

Kariya : its what happened during the ragnarok right

Aoyama : Yep

 

Fey : I can’t believe a song from 200 years ago was reading my mind

Ichino : Sorry again

Fey : It’s ok!

Fey : It’s fun

Fey : But I wouldn’t call people clowns

Ichino : Is “bad guys” better?

Fey : Yeah

 

Ichino  : And for Zanark  it’s “Let the winds of wrath blow them away” and “Not gonna live in compliance”! 

Zanark : *audio*

[ “The perfect picture of free spirit and unstoppable will! Truly suitable for my character!” ]

 

Fey : Hey!

Uta standing, hunched and facing the screen from a distance (her full body height takes half of the picture height). The space between her and the screen is ran through by red threads creating the feeling of a unescapable trap, the floor being glowing in a softer hue of crimson and littered with remnants of cut strings. The lyrics "I know if you would listen, You would understand" are floating as kanjis around Uta.

Fey : This is like Zanark when he was about to explode in the Three Kingdoms!

Hamano : the background is the same color as his keshin!

Kurama : qszgvfh

Kariya : aqegdf

Taiyou : aqzsgdh

 

Kurama : so this:

Uta standing tall, arms and legs spread in a star pose and a pair of wings, the right one pink and the other white, proudly displayed on her back. Her two eyes are visible, her usual bangs swept away by the movement. She bears a determined and heated expression, shouting her lungs out at everything before her. Beside and behind her, canons are firing billows of colorful smoke.

Kurama : with the “run wild! release your rage!” 

Kurama : “time to go to rage, lets punish them all” 

Kurama : “my actions may cost me but I cant let go of the past I refuse to move on” 

Kurama : “i understand but my angers here to stay”

Kurama : is just them in tyrano miximax/berserk mode/about to explode mode and dealing with salt and bitterness?

 

Kusaka

Fey

Zanark

Fey : Help

Minamisawa : Too late.

 

Kusaka : i suppose i have a bear zoan?

Ichino : If we take the lazy route

Ichino : That would mean Earth Eleven is just full of Zoans except for Shinsuke

Kusaka : yeah not wrong

 

Hayami : That means we admit Fey decided to consume two Ancient Zoans without thinking of the consequences.

Kurama : hes a ssc im sure he can survive

Fey : I’m sure I survived worse than two fruits

 

Kurama : i just had an idea

Kurama : why not have the mixi maxes as heroes from the void century

Kurama : and whoever have the weapon they left behind get their power

Kurama : like weaker ancient weapons

Kurama : that way we can stack the hissatsus/souls and the mixi maxes without shoving two zoans down feys throat

Hamano : :o

Hamano : kurama youre a genius >w<

 

Kariya : what happened in the void century for you to throw all the mixi maxes in there?

Kurama : nobody knows what happened in the void century so for now its whatever fits your fancy

Aoyama : Accepted

 

Tsurugi : I have this feeling that Zanark would be the type to eat three Devil Fruits and just survive as a ticking time bomb ready to blow up

Zanark : *audio*

[ “I sure would do that!

Watch me, being the most dangerous pirates of the sea!” ]

 

Sangoku : Luckily we won’t record that.

Kurumada : WHY

Sangoku : You know, as fun as it sounds, I don’t think putting the three of them in this song in a studio is a good idea.

Shindou : Oh.

Shindou : OH.

 

Tsurugi : Oh?

Shindou : Berserk Mode Kusaka, Mixi Max Tyrano Fey and Zanark in a room, yelling into a microphone.

Hikaru : oh

Kariya : OH

Tsurugi : Oh shit I see

Fey : What do you see?

 

Kirino : The shockwave would destroy the studio

Kirino : Send Shinsuke flying through 60 walls

Kirino : Blow Kurama and Hayami miles away

Kurama : the building would get 60 kid-shaped holes going from the studio to the outside and three guys breaking the walls in between 

 

Tenma : i think fey is better for where the wind blows

Fey : ??

Kirino : I don’t know if it’s better or worse to have a sad song or an angry song for him

Hamano : @Fey stay with us so you can see!

Fey : K

Notes:

My brain : Small fusion, not full-fledged AU.
Me : You think we can keep this promise for both content and amount of words?
The chapters : *around 2000 words each when it started at 500*
My brain : No.
Me : I should have expected it.

My brain : Also you just said you haven’t read One Piece. Then, how do you know what Haki, Paramecia, Zoan and Logia are?
Me : I like wikias and worldbuilding.

The next chapter will handle the three(?) remaining songs! It will probably be out in a few days.

Chapter 9: One Piece Red : Inazuma singers 2

Summary:

It started. It follows.

Notes:

I'm putting this chapter here before time comes scarcely short for me. It should have been out days ago already-
Sorry I'm (and will probably still be for quite some time) kind of inactive lately! I don't have a lot of reasons except that studies are having a party and that I am the unfortunate piñata aqsxdcvgh.

Tot Musica is just one big spoiler from the movie. It will be marked with ----- Spoilers ----- and ----- End of Spoilers -----.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : We have to do Fleeting Lullaby first

Amagi : i dont think anyone here fits the description

Sangoku : I hope no one here fits the description.

Minamisawa : I know you found someone and if they are from Raimon, I will try quitting the chat again.

Ichino : Luckily for Minamisawa, they’re not from Raimon

Kurama : then who?

 

Ichino : @Matatagi @Beta @Saryuu

Saryuu : what

Beta : whats the shit

Matatagi : summarize your case in a few words 

Ichino : Ehm

Aoyama : Wait a sec 

 

Shindou : No need.

Shindou : @Saryuu Were you insane back when we fought you and the Second Stage Children ?

Shindou : @Beta Is madness still a part of your character ?

Shindou : @Matatagi Do you desire a clip of you traumatizing Sazanaara ?

Saryuu : i thought me lacking sanity was common knowledge

Beta : Of course it is!~~

Matatagi : im interested

Matatagi : tell me

 

Shindou : @Ichino It’s alright.

Ichino

Ichino : *link to Fleeting Lullaby*

Ichino : What do you think of this?

 

Beta : “Listen Baby making you happy whether you like it or not” 💗

Beta : “Come on up and we can sing together” 💗

Beta : “Fun unfettered” 💗

Hayami : It sounds like a threat.

Beta : Maybe~~

 

Beta : “reality is overrated” right

Saryuu : right

Matatagi : right

 

Saryuu : i feel like the “so just stay out of my way” is something i said once

Fey : You were diplomatic most of the time

Fey : Except during raids

Saryuu : gonna trust you and the others on that one

 

Matatagi : honestly

Matatagi : “youre not gonna outthink me i thought of everything” is very minaho energy

Matatagi : cant say for the rest of the song but if were going with traumatizing sazannara you can add him

Ichino : True

Ichino : @Minaho

 

Minaho : How may I be of help ?

Matatagi : one piece red songs

Matatagi : fleeting lullaby

Matatagi : us two offending powais whole planet 

Minaho : How exciting ! And indeed quite accurate !

 

Tsurugi : Can I say write something daring?

Tenma : of course! :D

Tsurugi : Matatagi at Tenma during the match against Ixal Fleet:

Tsurugi : “You think you’re so tough? Well, I had enough of it”

Matatagi : very accurate

Minaho : I second this statement.

Tenma : is it?

Aoi : It was.

Shinsuke : yeah

Shindou : I concur.

 

Minaho : This song must indeed be Sazannara’s point of view for us !

Amagi : that bad?

Matatagi : im sure powai aint done nightmaring about me

Minaho : If we had to picture the scene, this might be the planet’s point of view of Matatagi.

A picture of seven negative Utas running in a one sided hallway toward the camera. Not on the picture but hinted is the real Uta running away from her clones.

Matatagi : one clone = one hand for my azur

Matatagi : the uta running away is powai

 

Matatagi : also

Matatagi : that 100% minaho during the match:

Picture of a negative-coloured Uta pointing at the caption "Do my thing".

Another negative Uta. This time, the words on the screen are "That's all".

Shindou

Aoi

Tenma

Shinsuke

Minaho

Tsurugi

Tsurugi : From what I saw of it

Tsurugi : Yeah

 

Tenma : there was a moment when the sscs sounded like “this is a utopia”

Saryuu : wait 

Saryuu : you heard the utopia part of the speech

Sangoku : Yes.

Saryuu : damn

 

Aoi : I think the first lines suit Saryuu and Matatagi quite well. 

Matatagi : which ones?

Aoi : “I’m sick and and tired of being alone”

Aoi : “Wanna be connected”

Aoi : “Have a bond to hold on to”

Aoi : “Just gonna lay it all out, how I feel”

Saryuu : i feel so fucking exposed

Matatagi : same

Aoi : Sorry.

 

Taiyou : sscs in a nutshell

Taiyou : “salvations got to come”

Taiyou : “this generations done”

Taiyou : “its tired of never being listened to”

Taiyou : “the screams were never heard”

Taiyou : “the suffering endured but no more”

Taiyou : “theres no turning back now”

Fey : I’m being attacked by truth and I don’t know how to feel

Saryuu : were being attacked and i want to feel offended

Taiyou : be offended if you want

Saryuu : will do

 

Matatagi : the end though

Matatagi : the insanity

Fey : It’s

Fey : Fitting?

Beta : Right?~~

Saryuu : help

Minaho : Too late !

 

Matatagi : so im the falcon zoan?

Kirino : Isn’t there already a Falcon Zoan?

Shinsuke : yeah

Shinsuke : but its a brown desertic falcon

Shinsuke : he can be a blue ocean falcon!

Shinsuke : one that resists the rain and the tempest

Matatagi : cool

 

Tsurugi : Can we do something with El Dorado?

Hikaru : the marine maybe?

Beta : The Marine ?

Kurama : the sea police more or less

Kurama : but since the protags are pirates the marine is kind of bad

Beta : Oh !

Beta : Why not !~~

 

Tenma : and for saryuu?

Kariya : a monkey zoan?

Hikaru : or a telekinetic paramecia?

Hamano : or both?

Kurama : were really going on the route where the sscs are just people who went “fuck it, lets eat two devil fruits, blow shit up and wait to see how long i have before imploding on myself”

Saryuu : i can tell you that we didnt choose that path at birth

Saryuu : but the time bomb analogy is not wrong either

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Hayami : I’m really afraid of what you want to do for Tot Musica…

Ichino : Well, I am too

Ichino : Because Aoyama is the one with the info for this one

Aoyama : @Raimon @Taiyou

Aoyama : And @Shindou @Kirino

Aoyama : You ready?

Shindou : No but go ahead.

Kirino : No but do it

Kurama : own your madness

 

Aoyama : Tot Musica but it’s Kirino and Shindou losing it™ 

Aoyama : Live™ 

 

----- Spoilers -----

 

Aoyama : So imagine 

Aoyama : You start with this and we can pretend it’s their Keshins and their Mixi Max going haywire and fusing to create Tot Musica

Aoyama : Like:

A picture of Uta from the clip Tot Musica. Two giant black feathered wings are coming out of her back. On the ground and above her are runic circles.

Aoyama : And instead of just a pair of wings it’s the Keshins

 

Aoyama : Of course the lyrics match

Aoyama : “Bitter tears flowing out”

Aoyama : “They never dry up”

Aoyama : You see? Frustration building up until the dam breaks

Aoyama : I’m not going to put them all here even if I did for the others but I swear all the lyrics add up for a Bad Ending!Kirino and Shindou

Aoyama : And since both are the best singers out there and also a bit dramatic it’s even more accurate

Shindou : It barely began and I already dread what is to follow.

Kirino : I don’t know how much is left but we’re in for a ride, is it?

Aoyama : You are

 

Kurama : so this

A gif of Tot Musica, split in two shots. The first one depicts Uta dancing in the centre of a pedestal, a spotlight on her enhancing her presence from the dark purple and black background. The second part is a zoom on her head, where we can see a crazed expression with a maniacal grin on her face.

Kurama : and this

Another gif, following the same dividing as the previous one. Her pose is different and her face too, though both are still highlighting her insanity.

Kurama : but its respectively kirino and shindou grooving to the sound of madness

Hamano : qdgsfxgfgh

Nishiki : COULD BE

Taiyou : aqzgdhfgh

 

Tsurugi : Honestly if they ever sing “United, we’re fighting, Bring them down with our song of ruin”

Tsurugi : There’s no point even trying

Tsurugi : We’re all dead

Kariya : true

 

Amagi : honestly if anyone looks at you the way uta glares at the camera in this song the only right decision is to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction

Ichino : True

Midori : if shindou or kirino looks at you like that you know you fucked up big time

Kariya : ill be honest 

Kariya : if kirino looked at me that way during my first days i wouldnt have been such a little shit

Kirino : That’s how I was internally looking at you during the match with Gassan

A picture of Uta who seems to be looking at something far behind at the right of the screen. Her expression is between murderously livid and possessed.

Kariya : know that if you successfully pulled it id have cooperated harder than shinsuke and tenma together

Kirino : Wait I got better at acting since then

Kirino : *photo*

[ A selfie of Kirino having the exact same expression as the picture above. ]

Kariya : T

Kirino : So?

Fey : ???

Shinsuke : kariya and hikaru jumped when they saw the photo

Tsurugi : He screamed “HOLY-” and dropped his phone

 

Tsurugi : And @Ibuki

Ibuki : yup

Tsurugi : Do you know One Piece?

Ibuki : dude

Ibuki : im a big one piece fan

Ibuki : i read the manga watched the anime watched all the movies

Tsurugi : If Shindou popped in front of you and started singing Tot Musica, what would you do?

Ibuki : id have realized i flexed a bit too close to death and surrendered immediately after

Tsurugi : Understandable have a nice day

 

Aoyama

A picture of a blurry, dark and purple man-shaped figure reaching a shadowy hand toward the viewer.

Aoyama : This is insecurity and doubts

Kirino : Accurate depiction of insecurity

Shindou : It is.

 

Aoyama : Ok galaxy brain spawning here

In the middle of a pitch-black sea littered with barely visible glimmer, Uta looks to be drowning, unconscious.

Aoyama : Two way scenes

Aoyama : First is Kirino and Joan linked together with a chain

Aoyama : And while Kirino is swimming, struggling to get to the surface, Joan is clinging to skulls resting on the bottom

Aoyama : Representing Kirino trying to keep up with everyone getting stronger and not being left behind while Joan is trying to save something already lost

Ichino : Aoyama you’re scaring me

Aoyama : That’s my unofficial job

 

Aoyama : And the second is Shindou and Nobunaga tied with the Mixi Max bound, Shindou trying to get to the bottom, where what matters to him lies, while Nobunaga is breaching through the surface with his thirst for power

Shindou : I do not like that.

Aoyama : Sorry not sorry

 

Kirino : Hey

Kirino : Kirino in Medieval France

On a background of red, black and deep blue representing an unknown place on fire, Uta is clutching her head in her hands, hunched and screaming in what looks like pain or folly.

Shindou : Shindou during the Holy Road

On the same background, a young Uta is standing slightly on the right of the screen (in a mirror way of the the previous picture), crying all alone, her head lifted toward a sky she cannot see.

Shindou : This game is beginning to be fun !

Tenma : shindou no :(

Tsurugi : Shindou no

Kurama : kirino no

Hayami : Kirino no.

Hamano : no :(

Hamano : both of you :(

 

Aoyama : That’s where sanity leaves for good

A distant low-angle shot of Uta in the desolate three-coloured set as described before. Staring at the screen with a crazed expression, her arms and jet black wings outstretched, she is surrounded by floating human skulls burning in a blue-and-pink-gradient fire.

Aoyama : And that’s Tot Musica, which here is Maestro, Brynhildr, Nobunaga and Joan fused into a monster

The Demon Tot Musica.

Aoyama : In front of us, the “Straw Hat Pirates”

Hayami : I promise you that if I ever had to witness this as a member of the Straw Hat Pirates, the only reaction you will get will be me staring at it with dread and horror and screaming in terror.

Hikaru : it’s very scary…

 

Sangoku : I can completely picture Tenma and Tsurugi rushing head-first with no regard for their safety onto those piano tentacles, trying to get to the top and bring Shindou and Kirino back to reason.

Sangoku : With Shinsuke and Nishiki following not far behind.

Amagi : they would

Kurumada : THEY WOULD

Nishiki : I WOULD

Shinsuke : i dont know

Shinsuke : id like to be brave enough to try to save them

Aoi : They would. Every single one of them.

Midori : @Shinsuke we observed you enough to know you will rush in with at most two microsecond long second thoughts

 

Hamano : oh!

Hamano : the red haired pirates on the other side can be coach endou and his friends! :D

Kurama : the only good thing out there

 

----- End of Spoilers -----

 

Aoyama : Just before we switch to the next song:

Aoyama : This scene

A gif of the clip Tot Musica, sung by Ado. The gif itself is cut in three parts: a first shot starting with Uta covering her face with her hands and the video zooming on to reveal a wide grin and a gleeful ferocious eye, a second shot of her right hand facing upward, her fingers contracted, stiff and ready to unleash power, and a third shot of Uta's upper body, her shoulders thrown back and her head raised high, her grin turned into maniacal laughter and her eye reflecting a crazy gleam. The singer looks rightfully insane.

Aoyama : But it’s Kirino

Kirino : The only time I want to make this kind of face is the day I get the opportunity to strike down my mortal enemy or to slap myself

Tsurugi : I can see why you’d be so happy to slap yourself

Tsurugi : It’s one of my dreams too

Tenma : no! D:

Hikaru : no!

Shinsuke : no!

 

Shindou : Kirino, Tsurugi.

Shindou : I only have one advice to give:

Shindou : Run.

Aoi : We’re on our way.

Kirino : Oh shit

Tsurugi : Oh fuck

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Ichino : I don’t know why, but The World’s Continuation gives me of Shuu vibes

Aoi : I can see why.

Aoi : Is it the open sea, the starlight and the “One day we’ll meet again” ?

Ichino : Partially

Ichino : I honestly can’t explain why it reminds me of him so much

 

Tenma : its a bit like the story he told me!

Shinsuke : a story?

Tenma : its a bit long to tell but its like the song

 

Tenma : its about a girl who had to be sacrificed to the sea to save her village

Tenma : but her brother didnt want to

Tenma : so he tried to rig the match where the sacrifice was decided

Tenma : but people found out

Tenma : the sister was sent to the sea and the brother was exiled forever

Tenma : and the song could be what happens next

Tenma : with the boy singing to his lost sister

Aoyama : Ouch

Aoyama : That’s sad

 

Ichino : Shuu seems like someone who has a terrific memory

Tsurugi : Just asked Hakuryuu

Tsurugi : That’s true

Aoyama : Even better

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Aoyama : Ok last one

Fey : The one I’m better in?

Ichino : Apparently yes?

Ichino : I don't know 

 

Midori : @Tenma care to clarify?

Tenma : ok

Tenma : @Kinako

Fey : Mom?

 

Kinako : hello! ^w^

Kinako : hi big fey! ^o^

Kinako : what can mama kinako do for you? (>w^) ~~☆

Tenma : can you tell me if this song is good for you and fey?

Tenma : *link to Where the Wind Blows*

 

Kinako : is it where the wind blows from one piece red

Kirino : Yes

Kinako : i can see why

Kinako : but honestly id have loved a song thats not sad

 

Kinako : whose idea was it?

Kariya : tenma

Fey : Tenma’s

Kinako : a little surprising

 

Tenma : i thought the lyrics were like something a mom would sing to her child

Tenma : about hoping for answers but not having replies

Tenma : or to keep dreaming for them, not surrendering and going on

Tenma : or to keep on singing until the song reaches them even when youre apart

Tenma : and fey had a difficult childhood so the “the winds will change, i promise you” sounded like something kinako would tell fey

 

Tenma : and the part about searching and trying to find happiness

Tenma : you three (fey kinako and asurei) were doing that

Tenma : fey wanted to find friends and people to trust

Tenma : the two kinakos wanted their family to be happy

Tenma : and asurei tried to save fey even if he couldnt keep him and he was scared

 

Tenma : and you reached out despite the pain and try again and again

Tenma : and i felt like the sorrow part is a bit what helped you pulling it through even if its bad

Tenma : maybe you were strong because you didnt want to feel this sorrow again

Tenma : fey trusts his friend more than anything and kinako still wishes the best for everyone even from another timeline

Tenma : and the “i hope we will meet again” too

Tenma : and since kinakos still here that means they really met again!

Tenma : on this path beyond 

Tenma : but she still says “oh and even if i disappear my song will still ring out”

Tenma : like a mothers love always watching over her child

 

Tenma : i spoke a lot here haha

Aoi : Nice analysis, Tenma !

Akane : Your analysis is on point !~~

Tenma : thank you! :D

 

Taiyou

Shindou

Shinsuke

Sangoku

Amagi

Kurumada

Kariya

Hikaru

Hayami

 

Aoyama : Wow

Aoyama : And Ichino tells me I make sad stuff

Ichino : You make angsty stuff either way my spirit is broken 

Ichino : But I’m legit terrified here

Midori : ok tiny wind boy

Midori : when did you learn that

Tenma : i just thought of it?

 

Tsurugi

Tenma : kyousuke?

Tsurugi : Sorry I was surprised

Tenma : in a bad way? D:

Tsurugi : In a startled way

Tsurugi : I didn’t know you made analysis like that

Tenma : i dont do that usually but it struck me when i saw the song

Tenma : and big sis aki said the same thing too

 

Minamisawa : @Raimon

Minamisawa : Care to tell me why your happy-go-lucky captain just dropped the most heart-breaking analysis of a One Piece’s song ?

Kurama : id tell you if i knew

Kurama  : but for now im just afraid

 

Hamano : tenma its sad 。゚( ゚இ‸இ゚)゚。

Fey : Tenma

Fey : I’m crying

Fey : And I’m pretty sure it’s tears of sadness

Kinako : me too TToTT

Kinako : 。゚(༼☯﹏☯༽)゚。

Kariya : captain

Kariya : wtf

Tenma : sorry!

Kinako : dont be TwT

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

Kinako : and for binks no sake

Kinako : who are you going to cast ?w?

Ichino

Ichino : I forgot about Binks no Sake

Ichino : @Raimon Help?

 

Amagi : ichino

Amagi : coach endou and his friends

Ichino : You’re right I’m stupid

 

Nishiki : @Shindou @Tenma @Kita @Kishibe @Mahoro @Hakuryuu @Taiyou @Hyoudou @Senguuji @Kurosaki @Namikawa 

Midori : wow chill 

 

Namikawa : what

Kita : what

Hakuryuu : What

Nishiki : ONE PIECE 

Nishiki : BINKS NO SAKE

Nishiki : JOLLY CAPTAIN SONG WITH INAZUMA LEGEND JAPAN

 

Tenma : !!!

Taiyou : >w<

Shindou : So that’s why you tagged us.

Kishibe : Really!?

Namikawa : hell yeah

Kita : hell yeah

Hyoudou : Marvelous.

Hakuryuu : You think so?

Mahoro : Utterly fantastic.

Senguuji : It would be an honor.

Kurosaki : Quite the ballad, indeed.

 

Namikawa : you did one piece without kaiou?

Namikawa : this is an offense of the greatest order

Hamano : it was only for the songs

Hamano : promise well call you if we do water things

Notes:

These songs have been obsessing me for some times now.

My brain : We were supposed to put more pictures. Especially for Tot Musica and Fleeting Lullaby.
Me : I could have analyzed the entirety of Tot Musica and Fleeting Lullaby but it was too tiring to do.

My brain : You think we should do a One Piece AU?
Me : I haven’t read nor watched One Piece, so no.
Me : Who would be Gol D. Roger anyway?
My brain : Endou D. Aisuke or En D. Daisuke.
Me : *choke while laughing* Mamoru En D. Ou.
My brain : Ki D. Ou Yuuto.
Me : Gouen D. Shuuya.

Chapter 10: Author memory

Summary:

Ichino faces an issue and asks for guidance from his fellow colleagues.

Notes:

Notes : This is totally inspired by me, my one shots, some miscellaneous chapters AND my Secret Santa.
It’s a wild thing to live. Funny, but also extremely confusing.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @artistsandcontentcreators  

Ichino : Have you ever felt like one of your works is a fever dream?

Sakura : ???

 

Kirino : Ichino, I know there are artists who work after consumption of questionable substances

Kirino : But you’re not supposed to do that

Kirino : Or to work while sick either

Ichino : I did none of that

Ichino : I wrote a one shot two days ago

Ichino : Posted it yesterday

Ichino : Read it this morning

Ichino : And I have no memory of actually writing it

 

Shindou : While it does happen to forget some parts of a music score, I don’t think I forgot an entire partition yet.

Kurosaki : It might occur to me to misrecollect a painting done months to years ago. However, I possess good memories of works within weeks.

Aoyama : I’m so obsessed with my worldbuilding that I usually remember it too well

Kirino : The outlines and the most impactful parts are not too difficult since they’re supposed to leave a mark

Zanakurou : My contribution to plays is few and scarce. I have never composed one on my own. 

Zanakurou : Regardless, I retain fairly vivid memories of my performances.

 

Sakura : oh

Sakura : like that

Sakura : no

Sakura : i usually remember whats in my routines

 

Hakuryuu : I take the brush to empty my head so I need to look at my sheets again to remember

Hakuryuu : But a fever dream? 

Hakuryuu : No

Aoi : Calligraphy is just short sentences or idioms so it’s as easy to forget as it’s simple to remember.

Akane : I have a fairly good memory !~~

Akane : And I mostly do photos and drawings, so it’s hard to forget.~~

 

Shindou : Do you really don’t remember it ?

Ichino : Well

Ichino : I remember the work but don’t remember the content inside

Ichino : Like, I can even tell you the time of day I wrote it, which part I wrote at the time, where I started and where it ended

Ichino : But the fact that I’ve written it? No

Ichino : I legit said “I wrote those words?”

Ichino : I think I have a problem

 

Minaho : It is not that surprising, actually.

Sakura : really?

Minaho : If inspiration strikes swiftly, your brain will prioritise laying your thoughts on paper and throwing all your ideas on it in a rush before they leave.

Minaho : Since it is an active and surfacic process, the zone responsible for housing memories does not actually register such thoughts, meaning that recollection is mild, even null, which is the reason why you seem to instantly forget them.

Sakura : oh

Sakura : makes sense

 

Minaho : Have you never come across such situations?

Kurosaki : Now that the issue has been laid out in such a manner… It is likely.

Shindou : Indeed.

Aoyama : Rarely

Aoyama : I get most of my ideas at school and think about them all day until I can write them 

Aoyama : That and I imagine my things too strong for them to leave my brain

 

Sakura : i did

Sakura : but its not really the same

Ichino : Which means?

Sakura : since its gym moves i film myself while performing when i want to try a new routine

Sakura : and even if i dont actively remember everything my body remembers the rest

Zanakurou : Similarly, I let my instincts and my figure guide my mind. As such, my spirit seldom has to bear the burden alone.

Minaho : Multiple memories, of course.

 

Sakura : i mean

Sakura : most of you can do that too, right?

Sakura : for piano or calligraphy

Aoi : True

Hakuryuu : Not wrong

Shindou : There is truth to that.

 

Sakura : but thats only for some activities like dance or acting or music

Sakura : you cant really act your ideas, can you?

Ichino : No

Ichino : Some maybe but a quadruple backflip above a bottomless pit of of bramble or a beheading are complicated to replicate

Kirino : I just hope you never get to need it

Notes:

Am I the only one or is it actually a recurring thing for content creators? Please tell me.

Chapter 11: From surviving a fall to just falling off things

Summary:

Classic questions. Classic answers?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone

Ichino : And @ineedscience

Ichino : When is a fall lethal for someone?

 

Kurama : people can die by tripping on their feet

Kurama : 1.5m/5ft is enough

Aoyama : I personally would probably manage to die falling from a table

Aoyama : So if I take my height and the table I’m already in danger at 3 meters

 

Ichino : Yeah I know that

Ichino : But what I want is not the height from which you can die

Ichino : I want the height from which you start telling yourself “oh shoot I’m not going to make it no matter how I land”

 

Manabe : Survival rates in falls are dependent on countless factors:

Shindou : The height of the fall is often the first to come. However, it is only a factor influencing the crucial elements.

Midori : the big things are: how fast youre plummeting into your potential doom,

Hayami : What you land on,

Senguuji : The way your body connect with the ground,

Mahoro : The body part that takes the brunt of the impact,

Sakura : and so on

 

Hyoudou : To summarize it roughly, by only considering the fall, the damage would be accounted for by duration and strength of the impact.

Midori : basically, imagine that a fall has energy

Midori : then when you land, youve got two big factors and all three more or less make for this equation

Midori : energy = time * strength of impact

 

Midori : when you land for a long time, the impact is low 

Midori : results: not ouchies

Midori : and if the landing time is short

Midori : yikes for you

 

Sakura : if you want a concrete example

Sakura : if cushions or mattresses effectively cushion falls its not because theyre “soft” but because they extend the time of impact

Sakura : so they start dissipating the energy right when you touch it

Sakura : at the end its as if you landed for 3 seconds instead of 0.5

Sakura : so its 6 times weaker

Sakura : and hopefully 6 times less painful

 

Ibuki : like the brains said

Ibuki : lengthening is best thing to do

Ibuki : so if you ever drop like your best sack of bricks

Ibuki : try bending the knees and roll

Ibuki : falling straight on the legs is best way to lose your kneecaps

Ibuki : so squat as much as possible

 

Matatagi : tips from parkouring

Matatagi : drop and roll

Matatagi : when you fall you roll

Matatagi : dissipate your energy in movement and friction

 

Tsurugi : How do you land?

Ichino : Freestyle

Ichino : Let’s say you have the time to take whatever position you want

Ichino : Even the most optimal for survival

 

Kita : depends on what you land on

Kita : concrete is bad

Kita : but rocks are worse

Kita : theres too many variable

Kita : the question is too vague

Ichino : Just tell me how and on what it will be alright

 

Nishiki : IF THERE ARE SOME BUSHES TO BREAK THE FALL 10 OR 15M IS ALRIGHT

Sangoku : How do you know that?

Kurama : what fucking happened in italy

Nishiki : FELL FROM A CLIFF WHILE HIKING IN ITALY

 

Aoi : It’s not impossible to take a 6 meter high fall on the head without serious injuries.

Kariya : what?

Aoi : Tenma.

Tenma : last time?

Aoi : Yes.

Tsurugi : Tenma did what?

Aoi : He fell from his window, slid on the tiles and collided head-first with the ground.

Tsurugi : Tenma

Tenma : im fine

Aoi : He is fine.

Ibuki : damn

Ibuki : not unexpected from him

 

Tenma : i think the tree you fell off was higher

Aoi : Didn’t seem so.

Kusaka : oh same

Kusaka : i used to fall from trees when i was younger

Kusaka : to watch birds

Konoha : you too?

Konoha : i like to watch birds so i used to climb in trees to observe them

Konoha : sometimes i didn’t know how to get down so i just jumped

 

Tsurugi : Please don’t

Tsurugi : Everyone please don’t

Tenma : ill try!

Konoha : no promise

Kusaka : cant swear on it

Aoi : I can try, but I promise no result.

Minori : and i thought you were sane

 

Minori : but from experience

Minori : 3rd floor is chill when you land on trash bags

Minori : they make good emergency cushions

 

Minori : oh and its probably counterintuitive

Minori : but if you really think the fall is going to kill you

Minori : protect your body using your arms and legs

Ichino : Doesn’t that increase your chances of breaking your bones?

Minori : if the objective is to get no injury then yeah good luck 

Minori : but if its survival 

Minori : it may sounds stupid but breaking an arm is safer than your ribcage

Minori : and if someone saw you falling you dont need to move to be saved so temporarily sacrificing a leg is ok

 

Taiyou : small bush and 3rd floor too

Tsurugi : The hospital?

Taiyou : not that long of a story but yes

 

Sakura : 8-9 m on mats

Sakura : it doesnt hurt that much if you land rolled up and back first

Kita : thats some split second reflex

 

Shinsuke : also @Sakura 

Shinsuke : why are gym mats so hard?

Sakura : its the best compromise between “being soft” and “still keep footing on it”

Sakura : sure being softer would be good but its pointless if you cant run of it

Shinsuke : its too hard for me

Sakura : yeah that understandable

 

Yukimura : snow makes a good cushion btw

Yukimura : can break a drop from a high cliff no problem

Yukimura : actually most fall survivals in mountains are thanks to that

Yukimura : ice on the other hand

Yukimura : never

Yukimura : that shit hurts as hell

 

Tetsukado : dont fall flat in water

Tetsukado : it hurts

Tetsukado : and its really dangerous

Tetsukado : it can seem counterintuitive sometimes but entering water feet first is better

Tetsukado : because once you reach a certain height the waters like concrete

Tetsukado : and head on concrete is not good

Tetsukado : falling flat on water kinda burns the skin too 

Tetsukado : so not to do

 

Kita : whats even the record fall in water anyway?

Kishibe : 58.8 meters last time I checked.

 

Amagi : a body can break a fall from the roof of a small building

Kurama : wtf

Amagi : i mean

Amagi : if someone falls on me i can break their fall

Namikawa : already happened?

Mahoro : Yes.

Kishibe : You?

Mahoro : Also yes.

Amagi : long story

 

Zanakurou : Traversing a ceiling of wooden planks is not as painful as one might wonder.

Tetsukado : how?

Zanakurou : The floor overlooking the theatre gave way to the stage below.

Matatagi : no need for elevator when the ceiling is a hole

 

Namikawa : yeah

Namikawa : wood hurts but if its planks it breaks falls alright

Namikawa : just dont punch holes in your vessel because then falling will be the last fish in your net

 

Kariya : if you know how to land, its rarely deadly

Kariya : if youre the slightest bit sturdy a window and a floor or two is not a big problem

Shinsuke : you?

Kariya : hikaru

Hikaru : kariya fell too

 

Akane : A bridge.~~

Hamano : like us?

Akane : Like you !~~

Tenma : like you?

Kariya : wdym by “like us” 

Kurama : we second year bunch fell/jumped off a bridge

Minamisawa : Care to tell the story ?

 

Kurama : hamano leaned too much and fell

Hayami : Kurama tried to catch Hamano,

Hamano : hayami tried to catch kurama

Shindou : Kirino jumped after them,

Kirino : Shindou jumped after me

Aoyama : When we saw they got away with no injury Ichino asked me “how high do you think they fell from?”

Ichino : And Aoyama replied with “let’s see”

Ichino : He jumped

Aoyama : And he followed

 

Ibuki : this is a sketch

Ibuki : there should be no way for it to be real

Hayami : And yet.

Kirino : You would be surprised how many situations like that actually happen

 

Kariya : shinsukes just that woman who survived the 33,330 feet fall off a plane

Matatagi : you cant kill shinsuke by dropping him

Matatagi : he jumps to high for that

 

Tsurugi : @Hakuryuu

Tsurugi : How high was the cliff at God Eden already?

Hakuryuu : I forgot

Hakuryuu : Way too much

Hakuryuu : But doable

Tsurugi : A cliff is doable with some training

Kirino : And without?

Tsurugi : Not recommended

 

Manabe : I do not think jumping off a cliff is ever recommended. 

Tsurugi : Unless you’re from 5th Sector, Raimon or Earth Eleven

Minori : wild life that you guys have

Kusaka : you say it

 

Kurumada : TUMBLED DOWN A HILL

Kurumada : BUT ITS NOT THAT DANGEROUS IF THERES ONLY GRASS

Minamisawa : Having a body to soften the blow is recommended, if not for the body used to actually cushion it.

Mahoro : Speaking of experience as the pillow ?

Minamisawa : Yes.

Kurumada : I TOOK HIM WITH ME

 

Kariya : i like the fact that were talking about it as if we werent super-dimensional soccer players or as if some of us survived three apocalypses already 

Yukimura : not wrong

 

Kishibe : We still haven’t answered Ichino’s question.

Ichino : Honestly you guys already said a lot so I think it’s going to be alright

Notes:

How it starts : Surviving a fall
How it goes : Best way not to die
How it ends : The worst falls of your life

Chapter 12: Strength of a bite

Summary:

The questions that go through your head as you eat are fascinating.

Notes:

Beware! Using numerical values found on the Internet is only relevant if you know how to use it! Which I do not.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone 

Ichino : How would you evaluate the strength of a bite?

Ichino : Like, what do you think you can and cannot break or bite through?

Ichino : I don’t need precise numbers, physics or science

Ichino : I want your opinion on the matter

 

Midori : id say around 100-120 psi on average if you put your mind into it

Manabe : If we were to be thorough, it would be more accurate to use the Newton unit to define the force. However, using surface mass equivalent is easier to picture. 

Hamano : oooooh wow

Hamano : is that a lot i dont see how much it is

Shinsuke : psi?

Midori : pound per square inch

Midori : so if i bite you with this strength its as if you had 100+ pounds/45+ kg on each square inch of skin

Taiyou : holy moly

Miyabino : This is an awful lot.

Midori : though a molar is less than a square inch and people usually bite each other with their front teeth so theres not as much surface

Midori : so its not 100 pounds on you

Midori : doesnt mean that shit doesnt hurt

Midori : we know you said “science not necessary” but after that its plain experience and i dont have a lot of that

 

Konoha : it's not bad but compared to the other carnivores we're far from being the best

Hayami : I do not think humans tried to have that characteristic as an evolutive advantage.

Midori : true

Akane : The human evolutive advantage resides in our rear end !~~

Kusaka : rear end?

Hayami : Our butt is part of “the apex of human evolution”.

Hayami : Along with our cheeks

Hayami : The cheeks of our mouth, mind you.

Kurama : thanks hayami

Hamano : hes welcome!

Aoi : This isn’t even a lie if you were wondering about the possibility of being a joke.

Shinsuke : thats actually just a part of the truth

Minamisawa : Would you care to explain or will we leave that on read and move on ?

Konoha : getting to the bottom of it wouldn’t take too long

Konoha : but we can look at it another time maybe

Konoha : so we can answer Ichino’s question

 

Ichino : What do you think I can break with 100+ psi?

Ichino : A bone?

Nishiki : YOU DONT NEED FULL POWER TO BITE THROUGH A BONE

Kirino : Agreed

Kurama : second that

Minori : thats easy

Hayami : Do you mean a chicken bone or a full human bone?

Nishiki : YES

Midori : yes

Tsurugi : Yes

 

Matatagi : hard plastic and silicone toys are weak

Yuuichi : Did your little brothers broke their chewing toys too ?

Yuuichi : Kyousuke usually did quick work of his at this age.

Matatagi : i saw enough of them leaving tooth prints everywhere to wonder

Matatagi : our old crib looks more like an used dog bone than a pile of plastic bars

 

Manabe : It is possible to leave an imprint on iron using a human bite.

Hamano : that much?

Sakura : did you?

Manabe : It is only information I found thanks to your datas. I did not “cut my teeth” on metal.

Minaho : We ought to conduct an experiment.

 

Kurosaki : I ignore the exact force necessary to apply this effect, however, indenting wood is not a hard task.

Kishibe : Hardwood or softwood?

Kurosaki : I recall an article taking oak wood and pine wood as a test subject.

Kishibe : Not bad.

Hamano : is pine wood hard?

Kishibe : Not that much. It’s considered as softwood. The yew tree or the ash tree are harder.

Kishibe : Though, the softwood and hardwood categories have large intervals so taking the name as an average measure is not appropriate.

 

Kita : what wood?

Kita : a toothpick, an ice cream stick or a plank?

Kishibe : You can break the first two no harm.

Kishibe : It’s about leaving a bite mark on a wooden board.

 

Aoyama : Is wood tasty?

Kishibe : It does have a particular taste so you should make your own opinion on it.

Shindou : Do not eat wood.

Hamano : just taking a bite

Hamano : for the taste

Kirino : No

Kirino : Or let us in

 

Ichino : Can you bite through a plastic bottle?

Ibuki : easily

Kariya : hikaru did

Amagi : what

Kurama : when 

Kariya : i dont know if it ever happened to you

Kariya : but sometimes you have a bottle that refuses to open no matter how much you twist it

Kariya : we first years had that once and our go-to jar opener aka shinsuke wasnt there

Kariya : i just asked hikaru if he could try his hand on it

Kariya : and he just ripped off the top with his teeth

Hikaru : i thought he wanted me to pull the bottle open so i tried to remove the cap without twisting it ^^’

Ibuki : minori flexed on me and damn

Ibuki : she won

Ibuki : may this bottle rest in pieces

 

Kirino : I just found out that there is a value commonly used to measure bite strength

Kirino : It’s called Bite Force Quotient or BFQ and it takes size and strength into account

Kirino : Roughly speaking and oversimplifying it, it’s a ratio of bite force and body mass

Kirino : And it seems that an average human bite strength somehow went up to higher than 120 but since I don’t know how to convert newton and kilograms in psi I might be wrong

Kirino : Convert is a pain when no one uses the same unit

Manabe : Agreed.

Sangoku : And what about this quotient?

Kirino : Common weasels seem to have an acceptable ration when you compare it to the brown bear

 

Aoyama : Who here's got a strong jaw?

Aoyama : Or at least knows it?

Tsurugi : Hakuryuu

Hakuryuu : Tsurugi

Yuuichi : Kyousuke has a more than decent bite power.

Taiyou : dont mess with hakuryuu when hes holding something with his teeth

Taiyou : may this towel forever keep the mark of hakuryuus dentition

Yukimura : dentists dont need an xray screen they just need this towel

Aoyama : I should have expected that

 

Midori : nishiki

Minori : i do

Ibuki : minori

Kariya : hikaru

Kita : Namikawa

Kita : both sharp teeth and strong jaw musculature

Amagi : mahoro

Kishibe : Mahoro?

Amagi : mahoro

Tetsukado : zanakurou

Kusaka : tetsukado

 

Ichino : Do you think one of you can rip a notebook?

Tsurugi : If any of us can rip a notebook then I’ll consider our teeth to be stronger and sharper than diamond and out jaws to be stronger than hydraulic press

Minori : that means we think the fuck no

Minori : but were up for the challenge

Mahoro : Does anyone have a notebook or a stack of paper to spare?

Akane : How much paper do you need ?~~

Namikawa : surprise us

Akane : I have at least twenty centimeters scattered around.~~

Kariya : holy hellhound

 

Akane : Let’s meet somewhere for this test trial.~~

Aoi : Can I come ?

Tsurugi : We promise you not to damage our teeth

Hikaru : we’ll do our best!

Yuuichi : Please be careful !

 

Sangoku : Just before we get the result.

Sangoku : Have you tried yours, Ichino?

Ichino : I have a weak jaw

Tetsukado : it cant be that bad

Tetsukado : you can eat crab right?

Ichino : My jaw hurts whenever I eat bread that isn't toast

Yukimura : how do you live?

Ichino : The miracle that is cutlery and cooking

Ichino : Apparently, I put all my stat points in beatboxing and that left me unable to bite through a slab of steak

 

Kurumada : CAN YOU AT LEAST BREAK A THICK COOKIE?

Ichino : How thick?

Aoi : Should we be worried ?

Ichino : I don’t know, maybe

Kurumada : A HARD, 1INCH/2CM THICK COOKIE?

Ichino : Last time I tried, it was a no

Ichino : Let me try again if I have some

Shindou : Please do not break your teeth.

 

--------------------------

 

Ichino : I put my all into it and cracked the biscuit in two without losing my canines

Aoyama : Wow congrats

Aoyama : I still remember the time you barely avoided splitting your front teeth eating stew with a spoon

Taiyou : @Aoi @Akane how are our monchers?

 

Aoi : We have some unerasable prints of incisors, cuspids, bicuspids and molars as well as shredded strips of paper and hole-punched sheets

Kita : some of you hasn’t seen Namikawa and Hakuryuu eating and it shows

Tsurugi : Some of us has never seen Hikaru eating and it also shows

Hikaru : zanakurou is very impressive!

Hikaru : he tore all his paper sheets!

Mahoro : Tetsukado’s performance is remarkable.
Namikawa : minori is terrifying

Tetsukado : but mahoros the strongest!

Nishiki : WERE DOING GREAT I THINK

 

Senguuji : Mahoro ?

Hakuryuu : Mahoro

Hakuryuu : What we observed was terrifying

Amagi : you never saw him eat a jawbreaker?

Yukimura : no?

Sakura : does he just

Sakura : take one

Sakura : and *crunch*?

Sakura : like a wafer?

Amagi : yeah

Tenma : woah

Tenma : i thought lollipops were hard enough

Amagi : not enough for mahoro

 

Ichino : To conclude our study

Ichino : I’m pretty sure one of us could scrape concrete or nick a wall

Ichino : But at least a human bone is worth considering for an average person

Ichino : I hope no one will pick me up on it

Ichino : Thanks everyone

Tetsukado : no prob!

 

Kurama : why are you two always high strung about these things?

Kurama : especially when its related to biology

Aoyama : No one likes biology and especially not writers

Ichino : Why do you think biology is the only science authors never say they respect ?

Ichino : No one likes it, and content creators more than anyone else

Ichino : I mean, we actually don’t have anything against it

Ichino : Most of the time it’s extraordinarily useful and we’re glad it exists

Ichino : But I dread it when it comes to accuracy

Kusaka : why?

 

Ichino : Imagine yourself writing your story

Ichino : And you have a way to make a insane sub-plot or a dramatic arc end

Ichino : Let’s make it classical and have the protagonists severely wounded or half-dead on the battlefield with the end boss before them

Ichino : You have the perfect plan to defeat this villain, with everyone working and pulling out the last shred of power they have to strike him

Ichino : And one of the half-dead characters even stand up again to shield his teammates

Nishiki : I LOVE THIS PLOT
Nishiki : ITS CLASSIC BUT IT ALWAYS WORKS

 

Ichino : Now with all of that, imagine you write your battle with passion 

Ichino : You plan every single detail, describe every emotion, get super immersive…

Ichino : You’re extremely proud of yourself for the way the battle plans out

Ichino : It’s extremely satisfying

Ichino : And in the end the first thing you either think of or get told is “it doesn’t make sense” or “there is no way they are still alive with what happened”

Ichino : Or even better, “The only way character 1 could have avoided the spell was by foresight or pure instinct, but not reflex, since the average reaction time of a human is around 300 ms, without considering the actual duration needed to compute the danger and have the body react accordingly. Moreover, judging by the amount of blood you described gushed out of his wounds, the puddle at his feet would be superior to 2L, effectively classifying as Class 2 hemorrhage, slowing his reaction time ever further.

In addiction, given the distance and the speed of the protection spell casted by character 4, estimated to be equivalent to the speed of sound, the shield would have reached character 3 too late since the atmosphere surrounding the battlefield was described as “heavy and thick due to the high concentration of mana”, meaning the tension between the viscosity of the spells would be increased by no insignificant amount and sharply decreased the mobility of the protective magic.”

Ichino : “Also the tome was bulkier before, now it’s too thin to block a bullet”

Ichino : “And wasn’t his outfit blue in the last chapter?”

Ichino : I fear that and that’s why I always tell whoever is reading my works to leave logic at the doorstep

Ichino : Because even stupid can lead to making plans but smart is not what I want people to see me as when I built a scenario

 

Ibuki : did your example ever happened to you?

Ibuki : because it sounds terrifying

Ibuki : who tf says that?

Ichino : Welcome to my life as a writer

Matatagi : doesnt it suck

Ichino : You get used to it, more or less

Akane : With time, it gets easier to manage.~~

Notes:

Actually, I put Manabe as one of the strongest bite strengths of this cast. This bespectacled boy be crunching rocks like dry biscuits.
The more I write, the more my conscience is telling me I am a bad example and a potential negative influence for anyone reading my works. I deeply apologize asfdgvbn.

The last part about authors writing biology would better fit in another Ichino’s Corner but since I had it done, I decided to slip it in here instead.
Hahaha, let’s see how long it takes me to regret this choice.

Chapter 13: Grip strength

Summary:

Have you ever struggled to open a jar with its lid? I do.
Have you ever known someone whose title was “Jar opener”? I cannot say that I did, but I know someone who fits right in this category.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @everyone 

Ichino : I’m back on my lindsheet

Ichino : Yes I know don’t ask me about last time

Ichino : Because it’s related to last time

 

Taiyou : ok first of all

Taiyou : lindsheet?

Kurama : dont ask

Kurama : it doesnt mean anything

Kurama : ichino likes to invent new words to avoid swearing

Taiyou : ok

 

Ichino : We did bite strength last time

Ichino : I’m now wondering about grip strength

Ichino : Not arm strength, mind you

Ichino : It’s not about whether you can make a head flies off with a slap it's about how easily you can turn a pen into dust in your palm

 

Midori : you mean the goalkeepers

Hayami : You’re talking about the goalkeepers, correct ?

Kurosaki : Might you be referring to the goalkeepers ?

Ichino

Ichino : Yeah

Aoyama : Basically

 

Ichino : But we've got other non-goalkeepers with good grip, right?

Taiyou : true

Yukimura : @everyone reveal yourselves or snitch your friends 

Yukimura : or we do a goalkeeper ranking first

Kita : i say

Kita : let’s do the goalkeeper ranking first

Kita : to get that out at once  

Taiyou : @Goalkeepers roll call!

Shinsuke : here!

Miyabino : Here!

Sangoku : Here!

Ibuki : yep

Senguuji : I answer your call.

Hyoudou : Present.

 

Ichino : We’re doing a grip ranking

Ichino : Before we start debating, do you have an idea about that yourself?

Shinsuke : sangoku

Sangoku : I think Ibuki is at the top.

Ibuki : senguuji or sangoku

Miyabino : Sangoku.

Hyoudou : Ibuki.

Senguuji : I would preach for Shinsuke.

 

Aoyama : Ok 

Aoyama : Why?

Kariya : a bit surprised about the sangoku part

Hikaru : i thought the strongest goalkeepers had the best grip

Senguuji : It is actually quite far from the truth.

Miyabino : It’s a little tricky to explain, but goalkeeping involves way more than just grip.

Sangoku : In fact, someone could be an excellent goalkeeper with almost no grip strength.

Kishibe : Really?

Senguuji : Indeed.

Hyoudou : A goalkeeper’s job can be done as long as no shot enters the net.

Hyoudou : It is just that the majority uses their hands and catches, as it allows control of the ball afterwards.

Shinsuke : yeah

Shinsuke : we have hissatsus where we dont even catch the ball but punch it out of the way or on the ground

Shinsuke : like buttobi punch or power spike

Sangoku : Tenma did a good job when he was in the goal and he just kicked.

Sangoku : Shinsuke also started blocking with his head.

Aoyama : Oh

Aoyama : That’s true

Kariya : not wrong

Shinsuke : hehe 

 

Ibuki : @Shinsuke i still cant believe you started goalkeeping with headbuts

Shinsuke : i was a defender before

Shinsuke : transitioning was hard

Shinsuke : during my first match i forgot i could use my hands so kariya had to remind me

Ibuki : holy shit

Shinsuke : yeah

Shinsuke : back to the rankings

 

Kirino : I can agree to put Sangoku first.

Sakura : why?

Shinsuke : sangoku is a goalkeeper but he also knows how to cook!

Kita : whats the link?

Kirino : Have you ever lifted a wok or stirred a pot full of stew?

Kirino : It’s actually pretty hard and you better have an adequate pair of hands and fingers for the job

Kita : oh yeah i did that once

Kita : i get it now

Kita : big up to all the cooks out there because your cooking utensils are way too heavy for it to be fair

 

Kishibe : What about Ibuki?

Kishibe : Does basketball require a strong grip?

Ibuki : its more about grip control than grip strength

Ibuki : but it helps

Ibuki : ive got a good grip

Ibuki : cant say if its strong or not tho

Manabe : Given that we saw you rip a shirt once, we might suppose the former case.

Kurama : you ripped a shirt?

Ibuki : long story

Shindou : He killed a shirt alongside a curtain and my sanity.

Ibuki : 👍

 

Aoyama : We have Sangoku and Ibuki

Aoyama : The rest of you?

Hakuryuu : As someone who witnessed both from up close

Hakuryuu : Meaning outside of a match and used in real life

Hakuryuu : Shinsuke and Senguuji are more than deserving of fear

 

Shinsuke : its not that bad

Shinsuke : right?

Hamano : you did break a door handle

Kariya : shinsuke

Kariya : you crushed a can with one hand and no sweat and twisted a rental fishing line when hamano invited us to a fishing party

Kariya : its that bad

Yukimura : oh yeah

Yukimura : senguuji

Kurosaki : Our cherished friend and esteemed companion…

Minamisawa : The apple of our eyes…

Namikawa : and our assigned jar opener with mahoro

 

Hyoudou : My hands are rather petite compared to the mean of my build.

Hyoudou : While my skills ensure me the necessary strength, my grip is far from unmatched.

Miyabino : My hissatsus are more punch than catch.

Miyabino : I’m closer to the average performance than what you could expect from a goalkeeper.

Miyabino : So I’m probably standing at the bottom of the goalkeeper podium.

 

Ichino : The end results for the goalkeepers are:

Ichino : 1 Sangoku

Ichino : 2 Ibuki

Ichino : 3 Senguuji 

Ichino : 4 Shinsuke

Ichino : 5 Hyoudou

Ichino : 6 Miyabino

Ichino : Is this it?

Yukimura : yep

 

Midori : now that were done with the glove wearers

Midori : can we agree that amagi absolutely demolishes everyone at raimon?

Kurama : thats a given

Kurumada : YOU SAW HIM

Hikaru : hes really strong!

Amagi : im big and burly so yeah ive got big hands

Amagi : but if we ratio my strength and my size i think thats not impressive

Kurumada : RATIO DOESNT EXIST SO YOURE STRONG 

Kurumada : THATS IT

Minamisawa : Accept your herculean strength.

 

Hayami : In my opinion, Hamano and Midori should be close second.

Ichino : Oh

Ichino : True

Hamano : is it?

Hamano : im just a little guy tho

Kurama : a little guy who fishes and i tell you

Kurama : as someone who tried your fishing rod and who regular fishes with you

Kurama : you either have a good grip or shoe soles instead of palms

Kurama : you choose

Hamano : shoe soles should be handy!

Hamano : id be able to catch fishes barehanded!

 

Kurama : and theres a reason midori was the coachman in king arthurs tale

Sakura : wait midori was what

Midori : long story

Midori : yeah i was a coachman

Midori : i pulled the horse and the carriage

Konoha : handling a horse or an ox is straining if you don’t know how to move the bridle

Midori : didnt feel like it

Midori : but i didnt really have to do anything either

 

Sakura : if you want strong hands and strong arms for help you can always ask for tetsukado kusaka and zanakurou!

Sakura : trust me 😉

Aoi : I second her.

Ibuki : third that

Kusaka : we were in charge of moving the heavy things hehehe

 

Tetsukado : im not that strong 

Ibuki : ahem?

Matatagi : you kidding

Tsurugi : Doubts

Zanakurou : If we may.

Manabe : Allow us to doubt.

Tetsukado : i had a better grip before!

Tetsukado : and fishermen need to know how to handle a net!

Tetsukado : if you want strong strong

Tetsukado : ask my uncle

Tetsukado : his hands are no joke!

Namikawa : RIGHT

Namikawa : YOU TETSUKADOS ARE REAL MEN OF THE SEA 

 

Tetsukado : and @Sakura

Tetsukado : shes strong too!

Manabe : Agreed. Do not let Sakura fool you.

Manabe : Her grip was as powerful, if not more, than what you could imagine from a professional rhythmic gymnast.

Minaho : It might have to do with the last incident.

Tenma : the one with your shoulder?

Kita : wait

Kita : last time minaho went to training with a worryingly huge bruise on his shoulder 

Kita : @Sakura that was you?

Sakura : maybe

Sakura : it was an accident

Sakura : i tripped and tried to steady myself with the closest thing to me

Tetsukado : minaho went down with her

Matatagi : his shoulder went down first

Matatagi : his body second

Kita : well holy shit

Kita : i thought a truck wheel collided with his side

 

Kita : or that mahoro got a hold on him

Kita : or namikawa

Kita : depends

Shindou : Mahoro and Namikawa again ?

Yukimura : i mean

Yukimura : have you seen them?

Yukimura : theyre monsters in their own rights

Namikawa : right!

Namikawa : were the monstrous beasts of resistance japan!

Mahoro : Please be aware that this happening was not by our own will.

Amagi : you cant help but be strong mahoro

Amagi : you can be proud of that!

 

Miyabino : If we’re looking outside of goalkeeping, I have to say that Mikado’s hands are terrifying.

Ibuki : oh yeah

Ibuki : kind of jealous of his guns

Miyabino : There is a rumor running in Teikoku saying he broke a glass bottle in one hand.

Kurosaki : It is frightening, to say the least.

Yukimura : thats rumors but is it real?

Miyabino : We never went to ask for confirmation.

Miyabino : However, what I can tell you is that, should he ever grab you, there isn’t much you can do that let yourself be lugged around.

Taiyou : yikes

 

Taiyou : reminds me of yuuichi

Matatagi : again?

Taiyou : yes again

Taiyou : but you cant blame me on it here

Tsurugi : I’m backing him on that one

Tsurugi : It’s getting repetitive but if we’re speaking of grip, I think most of us don’t hold a candle to him

Tenma : oh

Tenma : because of

Tenma : that

Tsurugi : Yes

 

Hakuryuu : Because of his paralysis?

Tsurugi : Exactly

Tsurugi : He spent a big part of his day doing re-ed exercices

Taiyou : you know

Taiyou : the types where youve got two parallel bars and you drag yourself over it

Sakura : oh yep

Sakura : that requires strength

Sakura : and good arms

Sakura : big ups to him

Tsurugi : He’s been doing that for 6 years

 

Ichino

Miyabino

Ibuki :  

Kusaka

Sakura

Mahoro

Matatagi : ok yeah

Matatagi : holy hell

Kariya : as no one would say

Kariya : holy shitass

Shindou : Indeed.

Taiyou : indeed

Tsurugi : Indeed



Aoyama : Is that all for the people who can and probably will crush a skull like a block of tofu?

Kishibe : There are already quite a lot of them, isn’t it?

Nishiki : I THINK ITS AN OK NUMBER

Ichino : Then we can go over the rest

Hikaru : what rest?

Aoyama : Those who are above average without being monsters

 

Ichino : Like @Akane 

Akane : Do I ?

Ichino : Yes

Midori : yep

Midori : nothing to write home about but handling this camera sure muscled your hands

Midori : remember all the times you shook hands too hard with people?

Akane : I was not shaking so hard.

Kurama : i beg to differ

Hamano : she was?

Hayami : She was, Hamano.

Kita : please remind me not to exchange greetings with either of them

 

Kita : Speaking of which 

Kishibe : @Shindou

Kita : @Shindou

Kirino : Actually, no

Kita : really?

Kishibe : I’m not sure his old bag would agree.

Kirino : His fingers are deft and have some strength but Shindou’s grip is nothing impressive

Kirino : And it was an old bag

Kita : @Shindou care to confirm?

Shindou : I choose to believe Kirino.

Shindou : I think he knows more about me than I do.

Hayami : The perks of childhood friendships.

 

Kurama : perks of childhood friendships is that i know youre trying to avoid your topic

Kurama : i know you played tennis before

Kurama : yes i know your arms are weak but dont act as if your hands cant tear apart a notebook

Hayami : Let me ignore that.

Hamano : but why .3.

 

Midori : maybe he doesnt want a redo of his arm wrestling match with nishiki

Nishiki : BUT WHY?

Nishiki : HE HAS A NICE GRIP LIKE ME

Midori : but his spindly arms are weak

Hayami : There are many reasons I stopped tennis.

Aoyama : Like his noodle arms

Hayami : Like my noodle arms.

 

Kishibe : If you want inconspicuous yet robust, Kurosaki has an impressive pair of hands.

Kishibe : His case is similar to Shindou.

Hakuryuu : It comes from all the time he spends painting

Senguuji : The time he dedicated to his task built his endurance and sinews.

 

Yukimura : im surprised earth eleven havent talked about minori since you have that running joke about her

Ibuki : oh we were saving her for now

Minori : stop speaking about my grip as if i was hulk 

Minori : i grab my stuff with the strength i have

Ibuki : yeah but you grab them with drive

Ibuki : with your 1000% power

Ibuki : what we perceive is the might of a titan

Minori : fine

Minori : im getting your wet scruff next we meet

Ibuki : sure

 

Kirino : This is going so much out of hand

Hakuryuu : And out of grip

Ichino : I will own my mistakes when my time is due

Ichino : The scales will tip sideways extremely fast and I’ll apologize to whoever will be in charge of judging my decisions

Aoyama : Want me to take over?

 

Aoyama : Last but not least

Aoyama : Do we have people whose palm shouldn’t be left in contact with anything or it’ll slip away like wet soap on a tiled floor?

 

Sakura : minaho

Ibuki : minaho

Manabe : Minaho.

Konoha : Minaho

Tetsukado : minaho

Kusaka : minaho

Minori : minaho

Minaho : I.

Shindou : Minaho, Kita and Taiyou.

Hakuryuu : Kita and Taiyou

Yukimura : kita and taiyou

Taiyou : me

Kishibe : Kita.

Namikawa : kita

Senguuji : Kita.

Mahoro : Kita.

Kurosaki : Kita.

Kita : me

 

Miyabino : That was fast.

Kita : listen

Kita : were doing our best

Kishibe : Kita's doing his best

Manabe : Minaho is doing his utmost.

Kishibe : Unfortunately his body doesn’t always support that.

Manabe : It is unfortunate that his limbs do not necessarily comply with his endeavor.

 

Zanakurou : To express ourselves with candour, our team is assuming an event such as a delay or lack of body response to his cerebral stimuli.

Minori : basically we think his brain just doesnt catch on the fact that he has to flex his fingers if he wants his things not to run away from his hands

Minori : so he takes something

Minori : his minds like “flex your digits”

Minori : his fingers are like “no”

Yukimura : cant say the same for our man

Yukimura : dude just got weak fingers no matter what

 

Taiyou : i hold onto a lot of things but not on dear life

Yukimura : that was fast

Kurama : but not wrong

 

Ibuki : why are there only orange haired people in the butterfingers group?

Aoi : You can add Tenma in.

Kirino : There’s a reason he’s not in charge of watering the field anymore

Tetsukado : but 

Tetsukado : he can fish?

Namikawa : how do you fish seahorse boy?

Tenma : big bro tsunami taught me techniques to catch fish that dont need a lot of strength

Tenma : and my hands are less slippery when theyre wet

 

Tenma : my mom used to tell me i was born with scales on my hands because they were always slippery

Tenma : i was slippy-ten 

Tenma : that was my nickname when i was little in okinawa

Tenma : but i got better!

Tenma : i can hold things and they wont just leave my hands by themselves!

Aoi : Barely but the progress is here.

 

Sangoku : That’s cute.

Kurumada : THATS ADORABLE

Sakura : cute!

Taiyou : cute

Tsurugi : I like that

Konoha : it’s pretty fun!

Shindou : It is quite cute.

Kirino : That’s cute

 

Namikawa : THATS COOL

Tetsukado : thats cool!

Tetsukado : a man of the sea!

Namikawa : ONE WITH THE OCEAN

Namikawa : ONE WITH THE FISH AND THE SHARKS

Tenma : and the dolphins!

Tenma : like big bro tsunami! :D

 

Ichino : I suppose the rest of us are average

Aoyama : Yup

Ichino : Good to know

Ichino : I’ll keep that in mind

Ichino : Thanks for the help

Kurumada : ANY TIME

Notes:

Fun fact : When I did the first goalkeeper ranking I just. Hecking forgot Ibuki. I forgot he was a goalkeeper holy shell-

Other characters :
Will crush a rock in their bare palms : Saryuu, Zanark, Tobu
Alright performance : Kinako, Giris
Normal guys : Fei, Alpha, Beta, Meia, Asurei
Don’t make them hold anything lest it slips and breaks on the ground : Gamma

Chapter 14: Hogwarts houses

Summary:

We had to go there one day or another.

Notes:

Unfortunately for common knowledge, I have not read any novels nor watched any movies nor played any games.
The universe will have to do with me and my best friends : the wikias.

As a side note : I swear I'm trying to get the next chapter of Effective Communication out of the basement but life is barring the door and stacking crates in front of the stairs. I'm doing my best though, so please believe in me!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner

Ichino : @Minaho @Kurosaki

Ichino : I need help

 

Minaho : In which way can my expertise leave its mark ?

Kurosaki : Can my knowledge bring you solace ?

Ichino : Do you know Harry Potter?

Minaho : Of course !

Kurosaki : Indeed.

Ichino : I’m assigning Hogwarts houses to everyone because I apparently have a lot of time to spend despite my life

Ichino : And I don’t know where Sakura, Manabe, Yukimura and Kita would be

 

Minaho : Is your objective to fit everyone ? Or have you designed magicless Muggles ? 

Ichino : I’ve got Muggles

Ichino : But I’ll still put them in a house

Ichino : Honestly I just want to put people in groups because I like to do that regardless of logic

Ichino : I find it funny

Kurosaki : Such is the way of the creator. I shall do my utmost to bring your ideas to life. 

Minaho : My aim was not to question your ways. I solely needed an insight of your psyche.

Ichino : No prob 

Ichino : And thanks

 

Minaho : To answer your question, I would recommend Slytherin to Sakura and advise Gryffindor to Manabe. 

Kurosaki : I shall assume my companions Kita and Yukimura should belong to Gryffindor.

Ichino : Roger

 

Ichino : I wasn’t expecting Gryffindor for Manabe but I’m not that surprised either

Minaho : Oh ? What were your assumptions for my teammates and captain ?

Ichino : I honestly had no idea for Sakura

Ichino : Same for Yukimura

Ichino : I was thinking of Ravenclaw or Slytherin for Manabe

Ichino : Same for Kita 

Kurosaki : My teammate would suit himself in both flags.

 

Minaho : I can understand your reasoning behind Manabe’s attribution. However, I believe Gryffindor is a temperament more befitting of his mind nowadays.

Minaho : His past self, maybe.

Ichino : I see

Ichino : Ok

 

Minaho : I suppose you wrote your team first.

Ichino : Yep

Ichino : I think I can see their Houses without searching too much 

Ichino : Else I use the Sorting Hat’s song or the tests 

A fake scroll on which the first Sorting Hat's song is written :  "You might belong in Gryffindor, Where dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve and chivalry Set Gryffindors apart.  /  You might belong in Hufflepuff Where they are just and loyal Those patient Hufflepuffs are true And unafraid of toil.  /  Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw If you’ve a ready mind Where those of wit and learning Will always find their kind.  /  Or perhaps in Slytherin You’ll make your real friends Those cunning folk use any means To achieve their ends."

 

Kurosaki : I do not recall meeting such a scroll in the events of the novels.

Ichino : That’s because I edited the text over a scroll picture

Ichino : I do that from time to time

Ichino : Sorry if it's blurry by the way

Ichino : Aoyama’s better than me on that field

 

Ichino : About that

Ichino : Have you made the “official tests” for your house, Patronus and wand?

Kurosaki : Does such sorting exist ? 

Ichino : There’s a site where you can do the tests

Ichino : It’s true that you still are getting used to all that

Kurosaki : It does pique my curiosity. Might I try my hand at them ?

Ichino : Sure

Ichino : *link*

 

Minaho : I am eager to learn of his results !

Ichino : Did you already pass the tests?

Minaho : Of course ! I have been present since the days the Ilvermorny quiz was still on.

Ichino : There was an Ilvermorny test?

Minaho : Indeed.

Minaho : Keenan Sharpe, Ravenclaw and Pukwudgie, owner of a vole Patronus and wielder of a hard pine wood wand bearing a core of unicorn hair ! 

Ichino : That’s a complete ID card if I know one

 

Ichino : A vole?

Ichino : Like the small rodent?

Ichino : That’s a bit ironic considering your soul

Minaho : I am, personally, pleased with it. I appreciate my guardians to be both the prey and the hunter.

 

Ichino : I just looked at the Ilvermorny houses

Ichino : I honestly assumed you’d be in Horned Serpent or Thunderbird

Ichino : With the mind/soul, scholar/adventurer traits

Minaho : It seems my psyche still has yet to uncover, is that right ?

Ichino : Heck yeah

Minaho : Though, I repeated the test recently, and have been assigned to Thunderbird.

Ichino : That's nice also

Ichino : You've got a mind too big to fit in one single box apparently

 

Ichino : You kind of got the profile of a headstrong, straight-moraled wizard

Ichino : From what your wand says at least

Ichino : Unicorn hair makes a very loyal wand from what the website says

Ichino : It’s cool

 

Kurosaki : My examination is complete.

Ichino : Welcome back

Minaho : How were the quizzes ?

Kurosaki : The tests were mindful and engaging.

Ichino : Good

Ichino : Had fun?

Minaho : Were you entertained ?

Kurosaki : I did. And I was.

Ichino : Even better

Minaho : This is all we ask.

 

Minaho : Do share your attribution, dear friend.

Kurosaki : My house has been designated as Ravenclaw, and my Patronus as a stoat. The description of my wand is: “Sycamore wood with a phoenix feather core, 12 ¼ inches and hard flexibility”.

Minaho : A fellow Ravenclaw, I see.

 

Ichino : I like the stoat

Ichino : I think it suits you

Kurosaki : Coach Fudou once associated me with an ermine.

Ichino : That’s basically the same thing as a stoat actually 

Ichino : That’s even better

Ichino : I actually say that but I hope Konoha won't set me ablaze for stating that a stoat and an ermine are the same animal

Minaho : She would not as long as your intent was misguided and unwilling.

 

Minaho : Sycamore wood, a classic yet trusty wood.

Ichino : Is it?

Ichino : I forgot 

Ichino : Can you send us the text for sycamore wood, Kurosaki?

Kurosaki : “The sycamore makes a questing wand, eager for new experience and losing brilliance if engaged in mundane activities. 

It is a quirk of these handsome wands that they may combust if allowed to become ‘bored’, and many witches and wizards, settling down into middle age, are disconcerted to find their trusty wand bursting into flame in their hand as they ask it, one more time, to fetch their slippers. 

As may be deduced, the sycamore’s ideal owner is curious, vital and adventurous, and when paired with such an owner, it demonstrates a capacity to learn and adapt that earns it a rightful place among the world’s most highly-prized wand woods.”

Ichino : Nice

Ichino : You’d make a fine wizard, Kurosaki!

Kurosaki : It is kind of you to think so. 

 

Kurosaki : So such is the wizard you would be, Minaho. According to Kita’s retelling of your person, Thunderbird and Pukwudgie do embrace your mind. 

Ichino : He makes a fine wizard too, doesn’t he?

Minaho : You flatter me.

 

Minaho : @Ichino You have yet to reveal your identity to us.

Ichino : Never expected to get pinged in my own corner

Ichino : True

Ichino : Let me find my page again

Ichino : I've got it

Ichino : Ravenclaw

Ichino : Doe Patronus

Ichino : Maple wood with a dragon heartstring core, 11 ½ inches and slightly springy flexibility

Minaho : Two peers of Ravenclaw ! Our fellowship grows greater ! 

 

Kurosaki : A doe ? You have a noble creature watching over you, Ichino ! 

Minaho : A female deer, as the stag is the male. It is a grand familiar.

Ichino : It took me a while to realize I basically got the same Patronus as the Potters

Ichino : I was surprised, honestly

Ichino : I wasn’t expecting it

Minaho : Why not ? As a captain and strategist, your sense of leadership and protectiveness pair with the values embodied by this animal ! 

Ichino : You’re making me blush

 

Ichino : Our wands don’t have the same core

Ichino : We complete each other!

Minaho : How interesting !

Kurosaki : It is a gladdening sight.

 

Minaho : Might we know of your work ? I would like to compare my vision with yours.

Ichino : I’m always eager for some feedback

Kurosaki : Then, shall we ?

 

Ichino : Muggle: Aoi, Kariya, Hayami

Ichino : Gryffindor: Tenma, Shinsuke, Hikaru, Midori, Nishiki, Kurumada

Ichino : Ravenclaw: Shindou, Kirino, Akane, Aoyama, Ichino

Ichino : Slytherin: Kurama, Minamisawa

Ichino : Hufflepuff: Aoi, Kariya, Hamano, Hayami, Amagi, Sangoku

Ichino : I have details on each but this is the all-inclusive summary

Ichino : I hesitated a lot for Shinsuke and Shindou

Ichino : Sangoku sparked another Earth/Fire debate 

Ichino : We’re still fighting for Tsurugi

 

Minaho : For Shinsuke and Shindou, I suppose you were torn between a Gryffindor/Hufflepuff for the first and a Gryffindor/Ravenclaw pair ?

Ichino : Exactly

Ichino : We decided Shindou was wittier than chivalrous

Ichino : And Shinsuke a tiny, tiny bit more daring than patient

Ichino : But honestly this judgment switches back and forth depending on the day and place

Ichino : Kariya was a little confusing but we actually got the thing

Ichino : He has the face of a Slytherin and the heart of a Hufflepuff

 

Kurosaki : What is this Earth/Fire debate you alluded to ?

Ichino : Aoyama and I once called Raimon to attribute Avatar bending to the team

Ichino : We couldn't choose between Earthbender and Firebender for Sangoku 

Ichino : Cue debate

Ichino : We settled on Earthbender

Ichino : And here for Hufflepuff

 

Kurosaki : I believed Tsurugi’s case to be clear.

Ichino : The thing is that everyone agrees expect Tenma and Tsurugi himself

Ichino : We’re all for Gryffindor

Ichino : Tenma argues that Tsurugi would be in Hufflepuff

Ichino : And the main target is still wondering why we’re not putting him in Slytherin

Ichino : The only thing we agree on is that he wouldn’t be in Ravenclaw because he’d be better off in the three other houses 

 

Minaho : Difficult. Very Difficult.

Minaho : Plenty of courage, of course. Hard work at heart, too. A strong sense of justice, for sure and, most of all, loyalty through thick and thin.

Minaho : My final choice…

Minaho : Better be Hufflepuff !

Kurosaki : I was rather leaning on Gryffindor.

Ichino : Here we go again

 

Minaho : Only two ways to decide.

Minaho : First:

Minaho : @everyone

Aoyama : Call for the rumble

Aoyama : And we shall appear

Minaho : Might I ask you to scroll up the five previous exchanges ?

 

Tsurugi : Oh no

Tsurugi : It’s the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff/Slytherin debate again

Kurama : what else?

Kirino : Let’s be efficient on it

Kirino : Anyone who thinks Tsurugi should be in another house than Gryffindor, speak up

Kirino : We can all fight about it after

 

Matatagi : i cant see why you dont want to put him in slytherin

Matatagi : sure hes good and stuff

Matatagi : but hes also as determined and cunning as you need

Namikawa : right!

Namikawa : bold and valiant he may be but great goals he aims!

Kishibe : Slytherin are often said to be resourceful and leaders.

Kishibe : I think it could fit him.

Tsurugi : I think determination sounds better than courage on me

 

Hakuryuu : Tsurugi

Hakuryuu

A snapshot of the Slytherin fandom.com section, with the traits of the house. It features "Cunning / Ambition / Resourcefulness / Determinatin / Pride / Self-preservation / Shrewdness" and "Self-preservation" has been circled in red.

Hakuryuu : Where is your self-preservation?

Hakuryuu : Where is your sense of self?

Hakuryuu : A modest, dedicated toiler like you is better far from there

 

Tenma : i know kyousuke would be fine in hufflepuff!

Tenma : theyre hard workers, loyal and patient

Tenma : and they value fair play more than anything!

Tenma : kyousuke deserves to be surrounded by cheerful and friendly people!

Yuuichi : I can understand why Kyousuke would belong to the other houses, but I also believe Hufflepuff represents the man he is now best.

Yuuichi : His younger self was undeniably a Gryffindor, excitable and daredevil. And a fair share of bravery and recklessness, for sure !

Yuuichi : But as time passed, I think his hard-working nature, his loyalty and his dedication grew to symbolize him better.

 

Midori : no ones denying that

Midori : but lets face it

Midori : tsurugi is nothing but a foolhardy impulsive chivalrous dummy

Midori : hed rush in head and hair first into a bonfire and dive feet first from a waterfall as a challenge

Midori : plus 

Midori : hes a main character

 

Minaho : Time to hop onto our second option.

Ichino : Oh

Ichino : I see

Ichino : @Tsurugi Do you mind taking the Sorting Hat Ceremony?

Ichino : Here

Ichino : *link*

Tsurugi : I’ll be right back

 

Taiyou : to be honest

Taiyou : everyone in raimon has underlying gryffindor vibes 

Taiyou : the daredevilest team out there

Taiyou : ready to jump into the fray and into the death

Ichino : I won’t deny it

Ichino : I won’t confirm it

Kirino : No one will deny it

Kirino : I confirm it for everyone 

 

Kita : on the other side most Seeds have Slytherin on their resume

Kita : so that'd work for Tsurugi

Miyabino : It does fit the role of Seeds. Pride and all.

 

Akane : Ichino ! 

Akane : I’m offended !

Akane : How could you talk about Harry Potter without me !

Akane : Hmph !

Akane : I am pouting.

Ichino : Sorry sorry!

Ichino : I was just supposed to ask something to Minaho and Kurosaki

Ichino : We got off track

Ichino : I was planning on sending you the list once it was done

Ichino : I’m almost done with Patronus spreadsheet

Ichino : You can scroll up the full conversation

Ichino : Promise

Akane : Ok. I read it.

Akane : More Ravenclaw comrades for us !~~

Ichino : Yep!

Akane : By the way, I’m almost done with the banners.~~

Ichino : Awesome!

 

Hamano : i want to see the list too! -3-

Midori : you were there during the debacle

Hamano : i still want to stay

Hamano : can i stay?

Minaho : Sure.

 

Minaho : Shall Earth Eleven follow ?

Minaho : Here is my sorting ceremony ! 

Minaho : Muggle: Minori

Minaho : Gryffindor: Manabe, Tetsukado, Zanakurou, Minori

Minaho : Ravenclaw: Minaho

Minaho : Slytherin: Ibuki, Sakura, Matatagi

Minaho : Hufflepuff: Konoha, Kusaka

 

Minaho : To assort ourselves, I took the liberty to write Earth Eleven as animaguses !

Hamano : so you can turn into animals?

Akane : Perfect !~~

 

Ibuki : man

Ibuki : people would be so confused about us

Ibuki : theyd wonder why the fuck kusakas in hufflepuff

Ibuki : be fucking confused about matatagi in slytherin

Ibuki : but sakura in slytherin and manabe in gryffindor?

Ibuki : thats perfect

Ibuki : people screaming heresy cause shed got the face of a hufflepuff

Ibuki : and because theres a nerd in the golden house

 

Sakura : zanakurou in gryffindor is so good!

Sakura : red and gold lion!

Tetsukado : handsome and gallant!

Tenma : a noble gentleman!

Zanakurou : My heart is aflutter under your vibrant words !

 

Miyabino : It’s a shame Manabe can’t be in Hufflepuff.

Konoha : he could

Konoha : its just that its not his most fitting house

Yukimura : same for matatagi

Konoha : Matatagi’s Soul is a peregrine falcon

Konoha : not an eagle

Konoha : but i can see what you mean

 

Konoha : a lot of us could go in different houses

Minaho : Many of us possess dispositions to different houses.

Minaho : I myself share similarities with those of Gryffindor while Manabe’s inclination towards Ravenclaw cannot be ignored.

Minaho : Yourself, Konoha, has a spirit Gryffindor would not reject.

Konoha : that’s nice

Konoha : but i like Hufflepuff

Kusaka : its a place with plants and animals

Kusaka : right?

Kusaka : its nice!

 

Matatagi : honestly

Matatagi : potomuri being sorted instead of minori sounds like terrific stuff

Minori : why?

Minori : oh

Minori : nevermind i get it

Minori : hell yeah

Minori : thatd be hilarious

Minori : and traumatizing for the rest of the student body

Minori : potomuri gets me in ravenclaw

Minori : then i wake up

Minori : the blue bronze birds aint ready for me

 

Minori : damn

Minori : and your fakeass self

Minori : “mhhh i cant see why matatagis a slytherin”

Minori : “hes nice and a pushover”

Minori : two weeks later

Minori : mr nightmare in the spotlight

Minori : “hello there”

Minori : “werent expecting it, didya?”

Matatagi : exactly

Matatagi : watch me traumatizing the snakes

 

Hamano : resis and the captains next!

Senguuji : @Kurosaki Please share your wisdom.

Kurosaki : Fairly well.

Kurosaki : Gryffindor: Taiyou, Kita, Yukimura

Kurosaki : Ravenclaw: Miyabino, Hyoudou, Kurosaki

Kurosaki : Slytherin: Hakuryuu, Senguuji, Mahoro, Namikawa

Kurosaki : Hufflepuff: Kishibe

Kurosaki : I emit doubt towards the presence of a Muggle among us.

 

Amagi : i dont agree

Amagi : mahoro is a hufflepuff

Amagi : with me and hikaru

Mahoro : I saw myself rather as a Ravenclaw.

Kurama : personally

Kurama : id put him in gryffindor

Mahoro : Should I ?

Minaho : Please do.

 

Yukimura : gryffindor?

Yukimura : cool

Kariya : id have said slytherin honestly

Aoyama : @Yukimura Go my child

Yukimura : k

 

Kariya : theres so little hufflepuff in the captains

Kariya : cant you be kind?

Hakuryuu : Where’s the fun?

Kariya : not wrong

Namikawa : cant fight the pride and the true leader spirit!

 

Kariya : same

Kariya : almost no ravenclaw in earth eleven

Ibuki : were all dumb

Sakura : dummies thats us

Matatagi : shindou and minaho have some braincells but not much

 

Tsurugi : I’m back

Yukimura : same

Mahoro : As I am.

Aoyama : So?

Tsurugi : Gryffindor

Aoyama : Majority wins this time

Yukimura : made the test twice for fun

Yukimura : ravenclaw and slytherin

Minaho : Interesting.

Mahoro : Hufflepuff.

Amagi : HAHA

Amagi : I WAS RIGHT ALL OF YOU

Amagi : THATS MY BEST FRIEND FOR YA

 

Kariya : @Tsurugi you sure took your time

Tsurugi : I got carried away

Tsurugi : I did the test but I got curious afterwards so I tried the Patronus

Aoyama : spill

Ibuki : spill

Hamano : spill

Sakura : tell us

Midori : share the deeds

 

Ichino : Before he reveals 

Ichino : Just to be sure

Ichino : @Yuuichi Are you a Hufflepuff?

Yuuichi : Is it a good question. I am not sure which house I should be in. 

Yuuichi : Given my situation, I would probably be a Muggle.

Tsurugi : Yes

Tsurugi : He’s a Hufflepuff

Shindou : His sense of justice and loyalty is unprecedented.

Shinsuke : hes nice and close to people!

Sangoku : I suppose everyone agree, then?

 

Tenma : i think hes a gryffindor

Kurama : tenma

Kurama : please

Kurama : cant you agree with your team for once?

Tenma : no?

Tenma : hufflepuff is good for yuuichi but i think hes more of a gryffindor

Yuuichi : Is that so ?

 

Kishibe : Why not a Ravenclaw?

Taiyou : it could work

Kirino : Please no

Kirino : Tell me were not starting a Tsurugi debacle 2.0

Yuuichi : Should I take the test ?

Ichino : Please

Ichino : Can you do the Patronus test too?

Yuuichi : Alright.

 

Aoyama : Ok now

Aoyama : @Tsurugi

Tsurugi : Please don’t laugh too hard

Tsurugi : Actually you can, I don’t mind

Tsurugi : But please don’t judge my result

Tenma : were not going to laugh

Tenma : im scolding anyone who does

Tenma : >:(

Ibuki : i felt real fear

Tsurugi : You should

Shinsuke : you should

Aoi : You should.

 

Tsurugi : I got a unicorn

Aoyama : Holy shit?

Kurosaki : It is an extremely rare Patronus !

Minaho : Incredible !

Ichino : Tsurugi

Ichino : Thank you for proving me people could actually get them

Ichino : I though it was myth

Tsurugi : What really?

 

Kirino : Do you think people summon unicorns on the daily?

Tsurugi : I don't know?

Tsurugi : My boyfriend’s a pegasus, what do you want me to think?

Tsurugi : That I wouldn’t get a horse?

Tsurugi : I was expecting to get compared to a cat again

Tsurugi : Are there cats in your test?

Ichino : Let me check

Ichino : A dozen or so

Tsurugi : See?

Tsurugi : I’m only surprised I didn’t get that

 

Tenma : :DDD

Tenma : kyousuke

Tenma : we match!!!

Tenma : unicorn and pegasus!

Tsurugi : You’re right

Tsurugi : We match

Tsurugi : :)

Tenma : :D 

 

Yuuichi : I am done with the sorting.

Yuuichi : I think I have great results !

Minaho : Is it ?

Minaho : Then, do not hesitate to bring up the suspense !

Yuuichi : Do I have too ?

Taiyou : of course

Akane : Of course !~~

 

Yuuichi : For my house, I am…

Taiyou : *drumrolls*

Yuuichi : A Hufflepuff !

Shinsuke : *photo*

[ Tsurugi doing a fist pump, clearly smug about being right. ]

Taiyou : thank you shinsuke for your great reflexes

 

Yuuichi : And for my Patronus…

Taiyou : *drumrolls*

Yuuichi : I had…

Taiyou : *drumrolls*

Taiyou : *drumrolls*

Taiyou : *drumrolls*

Hamano : *drumrolls*

Yuuichi : A wolf !

 

Taiyou : NO WAY

Kariya : HOLY FLICK

Yuuichi : @Tsurugi I have a wolf !

Tsurugi : No way

Yuuichi : Yes way !

Yuuichi : I am so happy about this result !

Yuuichi : I can proudly say Kyousuke is watching over me, even in another universe !

 

Tenma : im doing the test too

Tenma : i want to have a wolf too!

Tenma : or a dog!

Shinsuke : or maybe a unicorn like tsurugi!

Hamano : i wanna do mine too!

Hamano : lets do the test!

Tenma : yay!

Shinsuke : yeah!

 

Notes:

Know that all those who had to pass the Sorting passed the Sorting. Know that all the Patronuses and wands were genuinely decided through the official test. I even made a Patronus spreadsheet so I could have all the time in the world to think about what each character would choose on instinct (the real test is time-limited).
Yes, luck bestowed Tsurugi a unicorn and Yuuichi a wolf.

End recap, GO cast :
Gryffindor : Tenma, Tsurugi, Shinsuke, Midori, Nishiki, Kurumada, Manabe, Tetsukado, Zanakurou, Minori, Taiyou, Namikawa, Kita
Ravenclaw : Shindou, Kirino, Akane, Aoyama, Ichino, Minaho, Miyabino, Hyoudou, Kurosaki, Yukimura
Slytherin : Kurama, Minamisawa, Ibuki, Sakura, Matatagi, Hakuryuu, Senguuji
Hufflepuff : Aoi, Hikaru, Kariya, Hamano, Hayami, Amagi, Sangoku, Konoha, Kusaka, Kishibe, Mahoro, Yuuichi
Not written in the Corner : Shuu (Slytherin with Ravenclaw inclinations), Taki Sousuke (Slytherin), Taki Yoshihiko (Gryffindor), Mikado Haruma (Gryffindor)

End recap, CS cast (even if they aren’t mentioned here) :
Gryffindor : Kinako (leaning on Hufflepuff), Fei, Tobu/Torb, Wandaba
Ravenclaw : Asurei, Meia, Giris, Dr Aruno
Slytherin : Saryuu (with Gryffindor vibes), Beta, Gamma
Hufflepuff : Alpha (with Ravenclaw inclinations)
Not in any house : Zanark (a secret fifth thing)

I did a bunch of Patronus tests (two for some characters) for fun so if you’re curious about my results :
Tsurugi : Unicorn (go and be a legendary creature, big blueberry)
Hakuryuu : Sphynx Cat or Capuchin Monkey (be full of will, vanilla ice cream)
Ichino : Doe/Stag (randomly determined) or Lynx (kind of fancy and mysterious but also a bit silly, we like that for him)
Aoyama : Hummingbird or Pheasant (small and living life at 1000 mph, we like that of him)
Tenma : Blackbird or Wildcat (small, not necessarily domesticated, we love him anyway)
Endou : Dolphin (well, that's a wrap, what can I say)
Shindou : Osprey (will await your demise and dance on your remains)
Minaho : Vole (tiny, smart, cheeky, everywhere, unkillable)
Kurosaki : Stoat or Rottweiler (mmh, quite lavish)
Yuuichi : Wolf (good to know genetics extends to siblings)
Konoha : Swift or Badger (good for her, good for her)
Fei : Brown Hare (this is not even a joke, I swear I got that)
Kinako : Siberian Cat (pretty, hides a lot of secrets in this fur)
Saryuu : Brown Bear (not a monkey, but big and can kill you nonetheless)
Matatagi : Dragonfly or King Cobra (that's actually extremely cool)

Fun fact : Upon looking at the sheet, Shindou was one answer away from having the same Patronus as Tenma (Hummingbird) and Kurosaki’s from being as Shindou’s (Osprey).
Fun fact+ : From the answers associated with his choices, Yuuichi having a wolf is only because of luck and absolutely nothing else. In any other circumstances, he would get another Patronus (like a St Bernard).
Fun fact++ : I don’t think I could ever make Earth Eleven get their Soul as a Patronus, even with willpower (if said Souls even exist as Patronuses).
Fun fact+++ : Saryuu and Fei are one answer away from having each other’s Patronus (Brown Hare and Brown Bear).

If you want to pass the “real” test, the website address is https://www.wizardingworld.com. This one needs you to create an account on it.
For those who wish not to give their email address, I found a site which has all the different tests with their variants (full or extended…) and even has the fated, deleted Ilvermorny sorting: Here : http://wizardmore.com!

If you want to share your results, let’s laugh together at our matching! In the same way, don’t hesitate to tell me what you think and what you personally think of the list (my sib, for instance, disagreed and still disagrees with more attributions than I expected).
Here is a live caption of me thinking about what each characters would be likely to answer :
A picture of Tenma and Aoi from the Inazuma Eleven Go Galaxy anime. Tenma and Aoi are sitting, the former looking at the sky above him with a sorrowful expression while the latter stares at her conversation partner with interest. Subtitles below refers to what Tenma is saying :

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