Chapter 1: Surviving on a human
Notes:
First chapter and let’s be honest : we all had that conversation at least once in our life.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @Raimon
Ichino : Guys, I have a question
Kirino : Go ahead
Ichino : How long do you think you can survive on a human, knowing you can eat the bone marrow and boil the bones for soup and everything?
Ichino : And let’s say you have everything necessary to conserve it
Amagi : depends
Amagi : because theres a difference between me hayami and shinsuke
Hayami : If you are searching for nutrients, Shinsuke might be the best choice.
Hayami : If you want it to last, Amagi is more suited for the task.
Hayami : However, if you possess no desire to make it out, you can take me.
Ichino : Let’s say an average human.
Ichino : Someone like Coach Endou or Coach Kidou.
Tsurugi : First of all
Tsurugi : I’m sure whoever eats Coach Endou becomes immortal or something
Tsurugi : Though if they manage not to die at the hands of all Inazuma Town and some people around the world I’m not sure they need immortality
Sangoku : I’m not sure eating Coach Endou is worth achieving eternal life.
Shindou : It is not.
Shindou : Please do not eat Coach Endou.
Midori : i dont think anyone here is going to try
Midori : though
Midori : what do you think he tastes like
Shinsuke : well hes like
Shinsuke : lean and muscular
Hamano : not a lot of fat
Hamano : so id say kinda dry
Shindou : Dryer than us at least.
Shindou : Children are known to have more reserves of fat.
Sangoku : Well, you know the saying.
Sangoku : “You are what you eat.”
Shinsuke : so hamano would taste differently than shindou?
Hamano : what do you think i taste like?
Kurama : fish and seafood
Hayami : Given their logic, fish or seafood.
Tenma : kyousuke likes sweets
Tenma : so i bet he would be super sweet!
Tsurugi : I
Kurama : tenma youre killing him
Kurama : youre killing your boyfriend
Kirino : I’m back
Amagi : you just saved tsurugi from dying at tenmas hand
Kirino : Good to know
Kirino : So I tried to search on the Internet and what I found is :
Kirino : If we do the average for both men and women, bones make for around 13% of body weight
Kirino : So if we say an average human weighs 80 kg then we would have approximately 10,5 kg of bones and 69,5 kg of flesh and organs
Kirino : Organs including eyes, skin and brain
Kirino : I don’t know if the bone marrow is included in the bones or not
Kirino : I think yes but I’m not going to get ahead of myself and confirm
Kariya : so we have approx 70kg of “meat”
Hikaru : so it'll mostly depend on how much you eat?
Kariya : basically
Hamano : if we say we can nicely survive with half a kilo of meat per day
Hamano : we could make this last 140 days
Tenma : how about the soup?
Midori : lets not consider it for now
Hayami : That’s a lot for one human body to provide..
Tsurugi : That is
Tsurugi : If you’re okay with eating the organs and everything
Tsurugi : Skin included
Kurama : not wrong
Shindou : Then let us consider 30 kg of flesh, consisting of muscles and fat :
Shindou : The final results would be less than two months.
Aoi : It seems more accurate already.
Ichino : Ok guys thanks for your answer
Ichino : Going to write it somewhere so I don’t forget
Minamisawa : Are you aware of how inaccurate all this conversation is ?
Ichino : Yes
Ichino : And that’s not relevant
Notes:
Before you take it for a real scientifically accurate answer : no, it’s just random ramblings.
Also for people asking why he just doesn’t google it like Kirino did : let’s be honest, we all had this situation when we could have searched for it on the Internet but decided asking friends was funnier.
Chapter 2: Avatar, the Last Airbender : +/- Raimon edition
Notes:
Warning to everyone here : Note that I haven’t seen any seasons of Avatar : The Last Airbender, same with The Legend of Korra. Everything I know comes from 3-5 episodes and Tumblr.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Aoyama : @Raimon
Ichino : We need help
Sangoku : What can we do for you?
Aoyama : Actually it’s more or less about you, Sangoku
Aoyama : Which type of bender do you think Sangoku would be if he was in ATLA?
Ichino : Aoyama and I are struggling to pick between firebender and earthbender
Sangoku : I am alright with both, so I’ll let the team decide for me.
Kariya : why not firebender
Kariya : hes got a fiery spirit and explosive power
Shinsuke : but he has fence of gaia!
Shinsuke : so i say earthbender!
Shindou : Sangoku is a steady presence for the team,
Kirino : And as a goalkeeper he is sturdy and reliable, so Earthbender would suit him better
Aoyama : Alright
Ichino : Earthbender it is
Hamano : while were at it we could pick for everyone here!
Tsurugi : Why not?
Kurumada : YEAH
Sangoku : Why not let Ichino and Aoyama go with what they already have?
Ichino : Alright
Ichino : So we can all agree that Tenma is an airbender and if you don’t: we do not take criticism
Aoi : I do not think anyone here is going to disagree.
Aoyama : Good
Ichino : For Shindou and Kirino we made them waterbenders but with different fighting style
Aoyama : Shindou has a perfect balance between strength, skill, power and everything
Aoyama : You know, like a genius
Shindou : Please don’t.
Kirino : Please do
Ichino : Too late Shindou, we made you a genius waterbender
Aoyama : For Kirino, the twist is that he is below average in terms of strength
Ichino : Some people would even say he lacks raw power
Aoyama : But his control over the water is flawless and surgically precise
Ichino : Which makes him able to turn a glass of water into an infinite amount of tiny droplets and manipulate them, making him a sort of "mistbender"
Kurumada : THATS GENIUS
Hikaru : its really well-thought!
Aoyama : Thanks
Ichino : We were so proud of our idea you can’t even know
Aoyama : Hamano is a waterbender but his overall abilities as a bender are below average so he’s not sent to fight in the frontlines
Ichino : That and he only uses his bending to fish
Kurama : that seems accurate
Hamano : imagine all the trouts i could fish with it!
Ichino : Honestly we think Kurama and Hayami would make good non-benders
Aoyama : That and we have no idea what element Kurama could have
Ichino : We hesitated between making Hayami a firebender or a non-bender so share your thoughts
Hayami : I don’t mind being a non-bender.
Kurama : i dont know what thing i could be either so yeah
Kurama : go nonbender
Ichino : And of course, Hamano, Hayami and Kurama live together in a small house far away from the drama
Kirino : That’s a given
Aoyama : With Kurama being a fighter-hunter-gatherer and Hayami being the “diplomat” whenever people ask if there are benders in there
Hamano : seems right
Tenma : shinsuke would be either an earthbender or an airbender i think
Aoyama : Wait
Ichino : We have something for Shinsuke already
Aoyama : So first thing is :
Aoyama : Shinsuke lives in a village of airbenders so everyone thinks
Ichino : 1) That he’s a non-bender
Ichino : And 2) That his jumping abilities are from a slight affinity to the wind, maybe mini airbending but not much else
Aoyama : But one day the village gets attacked by bandits
Ichino : And they use cannons and catapults to propel rocks so heavy the airbenders can’t shake them off
Aoyama : The damage piles up and the whole village is backed into a corner
Ichino : But Shinsuke stands up to the bandits and refuses to give up
Aoyama : And then boom
Ichino : He lifts a mountain and throws the rocks straight to the bandits’ faces
Aoyama : The entire village witnesses this and the people realize he was an earthbender all along
Tsurugi : It makes sense
Tsurugi : I like this idea
Shinsuke : i love it!
Shinsuke : im protecting everyone as i should!
Minamisawa : Isn’t there no more Airbender village in ATLA?
Ichino : It’s an AU so we can do whatever we want
Minamisawa : Fair.
Aoyama : Kariya is also a non-bender but a scarily good fighter like Kurama
Ichino : The difference is that Kurama is also into assassinations while Kariya is purely into hunting
Kurama : logical
Kariya : yeah
Ichino : We decided to make Hikaru a firebender because he has ties with a “big bad”
Aoyama : That and he’s freakishly powerful and what’s better than fire to show off overwhelmingly destructive power?
Hikaru : !!!!!!!
Hikaru : thank you
Ichino : No prob you lovable grape
Kariya : then what about tsurugi
Ichino : Mmmh Tsurugi
Aoyama : A fairly interesting case you see
Tsurugi : I could be a simple firebender or a non-bender maybe?
Tenma : no
Shinsuke : no
Shindou : No.
Aoi : No.
Midori : no
Kurama : no
Aoyama : No no no no no, we have your plot too
Ichino : You and your brother are both firebenders but due to an accident, Yuuichi lost his bending abilities
Aoyama : And you join the army to have access to research aiming to give bending to non-benders so you can find a way to give it back to him
Ichino : But you join the protagonist journey after you realize the researchers are experimenting on real people and your brother tells you he’d rather live without bending than seeing you fight for a cause you don’t agree with
Aoyama : And of course, you are known as one of the best firebenders living out there in the country so everyone wants your butt
Tsurugi : Ok wow
Tsurugi : I wasn’t expecting that
Aoyama : Well, it’s a pleasure
Amagi : tsurugi what did you expect but this?
Tsurugi : Less
Ichino : Too bad
Ichino : Amagi and Kurumada are both earthbenders
Aoyama : Strong and sturdy and steadfast
Amagi : yeah!
Kurumada : YEAH
Aoyama : We have no idea what to give to Nishiki
Aoyama : Earth maybe
Nishiki : YOU CAN GIVE ME EVERYTHING ITS ALRIGHT
Tsurugi : Earth isn’t a bad element for him
Aoyama : We’ll keep thinking about it
Ichino : But most likely earth then
Aoyama : And Minamisawa could be wind or water
Minamisawa : I think wind suits me better. As long as I avoid having to bend through the soil.
Ichino : ‘Kay
Aoyama : Midori and Akane are non-benders but it doesn’t mean they are weak
Aoyama : People who think Akane and Midori are weak are morons
Shinsuke : wasnt there a special troop of non-bender warriors women that were super scary
Ichino : I think?
Ichino : But honestly I don’t remember
Aoyama : Midori is from Earth Kingdom and Akane from the Fire Nation
Ichino : Akane has all the news and all the intel and no one can stop her
Ichino : People fear her and her network
Hayami : As they should.
Sangoku : And what about you two?
Ichino : Non-benders but researchers
Amagi : seems right
Midori : i just realized shindou shinsuke tsurugi and tenma have the four elements like the protagonists quatuor they are
Kurumada : YOURE RIGHT
Amagi : then who would be the avatar?
Shindou : Why not Aoi?
Shinsuke : yeah!
Aoi : I think I would be a non-bender or a waterbender at best.
Tenma : or an airbender!
Midori : not wrong
Midori : its true that fire doesnt suit her
Tsurugi : Then, who is the Avatar?
Kurama : i know
Kurama : coach endou
Kurama : coach endou whos an earthbender but is chosen to be the avatar
Hamano : and he learns bending along with firebender gouenji, waterbender kidou and airbender kazemaru
Hayami : And little by little, many others join their group through their journey to get stronger
Ichino : Perfect
Ichino : Ok thanks guys
Aoyama : We’re keeping this somewhere safe brb
Notes:
Ok so I know you have the best intentions and all but please don’t try to convince me to watch these shows. If no one from my family and my friends has succeeded I know myself enough to know no one will, not even myself.
But if any of you wants to yell at me and tell me what you think they’d be, please do so in the comments! I’m eager to be taught by you guys who actually know what you’re talking about.
Chapter 3: Embassy and early retirement
Summary:
When it gets funky enough for Ichino to need to ask aliens.
Notes:
This chap was inspired by @EinAr_17’s work How do you Intergalactic Ambassadorship? Check it out if you haven't, it’s great!
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @EarthEleven
Ichino : Can I ask you something?
Zanakurou : Is there anything we can do for you ?
Ichino : Well it’s more something I need to ask to the aliens
Ichino : Is it possible for you to tell me how to contact them without adding me to the gc you share with them?
Ichino : Because I don’t really want you to know what the questions I have are about
Ibuki : how bizarre is your question for you to hide it from us
Ichino : It’s more that it’s about you than anything else
Matatagi : you know we can just ask them what you said after you leave
Ichino : Yeah, I don’t mind
Ichino : I just don’t want you to be there when I’ll ask
Tetsukado : ok no prob
Kusaka : we can send you their contacts if you want
Sakura : well
Sakura : “contacts”
Manabe : If you do not mind waiting a few minutes for us to warm them beforehand.
Ichino : No problem
Ichino : And thanks!
Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke and Sandorius Eleven
Ichino : Hi?
Kazerma : Hello, human. Ichino, I presume?
Ichino : This is me indeed
Kazerma : Tenma told me you wanted to ask us something.
Kazerma : Unfortunately, only Badai, Coach Zundal and I are available now.
Kazerma : Do you wish for us to gather the others?
Ichino : No need it’s alright
Ichino : Two or three reactions should be enough
Kazerma : Then, be our guest.
Ichino : Ok so correct me if I’m wrong
Ichino : From what we were told, all the participants of the Grand Celesta Galaxy set a wide exchange network to improve the relationship between the planets, right?
Badai : It is correct.
Ichino : And Earth Eleven and Mr Gouenji serve as Earth representatives?
Zundal : It is what was concluded during the inter-planet network founding.
Ichino : So I wanted to know
Ichino : How would this organization proceed if a planet suddenly loses all of its “ambassadors”?
Kazerma : Has anything happened to Earth Eleven!?
Badai : Has a catastrophe hit your planet ?
Ichino : Oh everyone is fine don’t worry!
Kazerma : Oh.
Ichino : I was curious about it since it’s the first time a thing like that happened, to us at least
Ichino : But all of Earth’s envoys are young, healthy and dedicated, so I do not think anything will make them quit before long
Zundal : It is a wise question to have.
Zundal : The standard procedure in this case is to appoint honorary representatives, usually close relatives or confirmed diplomats, until new ambassadors are chosen.
Ichino : Oh, I see!
Ichino : Thank you for your answer
Kazerma : You are welcome, human.
Badai : Know that should anything happen to Earth Eleven, your planet can ask for our help.
Zundal : While your ailments might differ from ours, Sandorius is renowned for its respiratory medicine, given its history with storms and desertic conditions.
Ichino : It is extremely kind of you
Kazerma : It is the least we can do for them, given that they saved us.
Ichino : I will tell them
Ichino : They will be thankful, I know
Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke and Sazanaara Eleven
Powai : the human is here!
Ichino : It’s me!
Ichino : Who else is here?
Powai : me urumi van and coach porco!
Van : Do you want to say something?
Urumi : tell us tell us!
Ichino : Ok ok
Ichino : If Earth had no representatives anymore, what would the members of the intergalactic network do?
Urumi : did the mean azur boy and the scary orange boy leave
Ichino : Everyone is still here don’t worry
Ichino : And I think they’re here to stay
Van : Actually, we were partially hoping for Matatagi Hayato to retire.
Urumi : hes scaryyyy ><’’
Powai : powai doesnt like him :(
Powai : his azur is not good
Powai : and the orange boy is also scary
Ichino : What has Minaho done?
Van : His mind is a maze for us to analyze.
Van : It has been a while since Sazanaara had to face such a complex psyche.
Ichino : Oh ok
Porco : If a planet loses the entirety of its agents ?
Porco : We would set a delegation to take care of emergency business while searching for new ambassadors.
Ichino : Interesting.
Ichino : I’ll take note.
Porco : Our says aside: has anything befallen Earth Eleven ? Are they injured in any way ?
Van : Us Sazanaarans have access to the best healing water in the universe.
Powai : it can cure every wound!
Powai : we can give some to you if you need it!
Ichino : Everyone is fine, don’t worry!
Ichino : But thank you a lot!
Ichino : It is extremely generous of you to even consider giving us your healing water.
Van : As peculiar as your species is, we hold you dearly in esteem.
Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke, Gurdon Eleven and Roglos Gordon
Arbega : Ichino Nanasuke?
Ichino : It is indeed me.
Ichino : Arbega Gordon, captain of Gurdon Eleven, I presume?
Arbega : Exact.
Arbega : Unfortunately, only my father Roglos, my coach Caldera and I are currently free.
Ichino : It’s alright, I think it’ll be enough
Roglos : Feel free to ask your question. We will be delighted to answer.
Ichino : Before you react: it’s only a scenario I imagined, everyone is fine, safe and sound
Ichino : But what would the planets do should Earth or any other planet were to have no more envoys?
Caldera : If Earth Eleven were to retire ? Interesting.
Arbega : Gurdon has little experience in this as well, especially since our species divided into two factions.
Roglos : If anything of the like were to occur, a possible scenario would be to stop any activity inside the organization until new representatives are chosen.
Caldera : This, or you could try a new system of trade, exchanging delegates or calling for ambassadors from other planets to fill in.
Ichino : Alright. I’ll remember that.
Roglos : For your instance, Earthling,
Roglos : Gurdon will gladly provide Earth with any assistance needed should any trouble befall on Earth Eleven.
Arbega : Both our technology and our traditional medicine allowed us to strive despite our planet’s harsh living conditions.
Ichino : I can’t believe all of you are willing to help all of us so much.
Ichino : I’ll make sure to tell them.
Arbega : We do owe your friends plenty.
Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke and Ratoniik
Ratoniik : You are the Earthling Kusaka told us about?
Ichino : Yep!
Ratoniik : Hi! It’s Banda Jr and coach Shimur!
Ratoniik : We’re using Ratoniik’s central communication device so it will mostly be me typing.
Ichino : Ok!
Ichino : Hi, Banda Jr! Hello, Mrs Shimur!
Ratoniik : So, you had something to ask?
Ichino : Yeah
Ichino : If we no longer had Earth Eleven to be representatives,
Ichino : What would Ratoniik do in this kind of situation?
Ratoniik : Have they reached the end of their lifespan already?
Ratoniik : I thought Earthlings were longer-lived.
Ichino : No no they’re all alright
Ichino : I was just wondering
Ratoniik : Coach Shimur says Ratoniik does not have this type of issues.
Ratoniik : Whenever someone dies the next more suited for the task takes their place.
Ichino : Oh, ok!
Ichino : It’s true that it makes sense.
Ratoniik : Well, we hope so!
Ratoniik : We may not have the same knowledge as you and the others
Ratoniik : But we know how to treat poison and toxins!
Ratoniik : Earth can always call us for help if you have any case of poisoning issues!
Ichino : I’ll keep it in mind!
Ichino : Thanks for indulging me!
Ratoniik : It’s a pleasure!
Ratoniik : Tell Earth Eleven I’d love to see them again before I pass away!
Ichino : Will do!
Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke, Faram Dite, Lalaya Obies, Minel Eiba and Katora Paige
Lalaya : Welcome, friend of Earth Eleven !
Katora : Hello, Ichino !
Gandales : hi exclamation mark
Barga : HI TINY EARTHLING
Ichino : Hello!
Ichino : May I ask who is there?
Hilary : the shitennou, argo, minel, katora and the princess are here
Hilary : the rest are busy
Ichino : ‘Kay
Minel : Earth Eleven informed us of an inquiry you had for us. May we be made aware of it ?
Ichino : Of course.
Ichino : You know the network you all developed after the Grand Celesta Galaxy?
Katora : What of it ?
Ichino : Earth Eleven participates and helps this organization as representatives of Earth, right?
Ichino : Well,
Ichino : What would Faram Obius do if they were all gone?
Lalaya : What
Barga : WHAT
Rodan : what
Katora : What did you just say ?
Argo : What are you implying ?
Ryugel : whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat exclamation mark exclamation mark
Gandales : question mark question mark question mark
Hilary : human
Hilary : i hope you run fast
Hilary : because faram dite wont take this insult lightly
Minel : To think they would be endangered by one of their own…
Minel : What have you done to them ?
Rodan : and we better like your answer
Rodan : because im going to roast you alive
Ichino : They are fine don’t worry!
Ichino : I was curious about how the planets would do if the “ambassadors” were to retire early or something
Argo : If you may excuse my lack of manner: We need proof of your claims.
Lalaya : Prove us Tsurugi’s well-being is not endangered!
Katora : If I may, is it possible to have news of Tenma and Mizukawa as well ?
Ichino : Oh uh ok
Ichino : I’ll be right back
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @EarthEleven
Minaho : Back from your questioning session ?
Ichino : Actually not completely
Ichino : First
Ichino : Are some of you together right now?
Tenma : kyousuke shinsuke and aoi are with me!
Tenma : the first years are doing homework in my room
Kusaka : im with konoha
Ibuki : tetsukado sakura matatagi minori and i are together
Minaho : Manabe and I are at the library !
Shindou : And I assume Zanakurou and I are alone ?
Zanakurou : Indeed.
Ichino : Ok cool
Ichino : I kind of put myself in a sticky situation and I need your help
Konoha : did something happen?
Ichino : Kinda
Ichino : Long story short I went to talk to the other planets about my question
Ichino : And when I got to Faram Obius I kind of angered them and made them worry about you
Ichino : Can you send them a message to say you're alright and not ill, dying, missing or anything?
Ichino : Especially Tenma, Tsurugi and Minori?
Tenma : oh
Tsurugi : Is it Lalaya and Minel?
Minori : its katora and lalaya sending you right
Ichino : Everyone but mostly those three, yes
Tenma : ok!
Matatagi : must have been one hell of a question
Ibuki : what kind of bombshell you dropped on them
Ichino : Well, you see
Ichino : I’ll tell you later
Shindou : Let us contact Faram Obius first.
Minaho : We might as well send them in the inter-planet group.
Tsurugi : Roger
Galactic Salad Bowl
Tsurugi : *video*
[ The camera opens on Tsurugi holding his phone high, selfie-style, looking a little embarrassed about having to film himself. Thanks to the leverage, we can see Tenma, Aoi, Shinsuke, Hikaru and Kariya sitting around a table with him.
“Hi!” “Hey!” “Hello!”
“We don’t know what’s happening, but don’t worry we’re fine!”
“You know we’d contact you should anything happen, right?”
“Still, it’s very kind of you to worry about us. Thank you.” ]
Matatagi : *video*
[ Video of the small group sitting in an outdoor basketball court, Matatagi being the one holding the phone. They all wave at the camera, Tetsukado also flashing a peace sign.
“Hiya!” “Yo!”
“Apparently we’re all gone? Well, to Sazanaara : bad news, I’m still here.”
“We’re good. No one’s dead or kidnapped, you can stop worrying.”
“And bold of you to assume we’d die without something blowing up. If any of us decide to kick the bucket instead of the soccer ball, be sure it’ll be all over the news.” ]
Kusaka : *video*
[ The camera opens on Kusaka’s smiling face. The video moves up and down as he’s walking.
“Yo. We’re just taking a stroll through town. “We” meaning Konoha and me!”
He then turns the phone to show Konoha beside him, holding his free hand. She smiles and waves at the camera.
“We’re doing fine, thank you!”
“And we’ll try to visit soon, Banda Jr!” ]
Manabe : *photo*
[ A photo of Minaho smiling at the camera. He has a book in his hand, a stack of novels on a table besides and rows of bookshelves extending behind him. ]
Manabe : As you can notice, we are all safe and sound.
Minaho : *photo*
[ A photo of Manabe putting his phone into his pocket, with the same background as the previous photo. His stack of books is thicker than Minaho, by the fact most of them are encyclopedias and physics manuals. ]
Minaho : Indeed !
Zanakurou : *photo*
[ A picture of Zanakurou waving at the camera. Though it is cut and he hasn’t had his make-up applied yet, his Lion Dance costume is visible on him. We can see the outline of a backstage in the background. ]
Shindou : *video*
[ A video of Shindou’s speaking. We can only see his head and his shoulders and behind him stands a plain white wall. While the aliens cannot know, anyone else would have recognized Shindou being sat in front of his piano.
“As unaware as we are regarding the situation, please do not threaten Ichino under the guise of being worried. No matter what he said, know that he likely meant no harm.” ]
Temporary group between Ichino Nanasuke, Faram Dite, Lalaya Obies, Minel Eiba and Katora Paige
Hilary : you may live another day
Ichino : Thanks
Rodan : but be careful or sleep with an eye open
Ichino : Duly noted
Minel : Though, to rightfully answer your ask:
Minel : Due to our population, we never had to face a shortage of diplomats.
Lalaya : It is a case we need to think about, should anything happen.
Ichino : Understood.
Argo : You humans are peculiar beings, carrying such unusual questioning.
Ichino : You aren’t wrong
Ichino : Writers such as me are likely worse
Gandales : how can words be worse than beings question mark
Ichino : We tend to have less filter and qualms about asking our weird questions
Ryugel : i see exclamation mark
Ryugel : because you put them on paper
Ryugel : and because you have to filter it with your eyes you forget how to filter with your mouth exclamation mark
Ryugel : right exclamation mark question mark
Barga : BUT HES TYPING HERE THAT DOESNT WORK
Ichino : It could
Ichino : But thanks for your answer!
Katora : You are welcome !
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : I’m back for real
Konoha : how did it go?
Aoi : Aside from the Faram Obius issue, we mean.
Ichino : It went good
Ichino : By the way
Ichino : You guys are the most protected people in the entire universe now
Sakura : what?
Ichino : You’ve literally got whole planets willing to pool their knowledge together if you ever fall sick or anything
Ichino : Here
Ichino : *screenshots*
[ Screens of the bottom conversations Ichino had, where all the representatives decide to offer their help. ]
Ibuki : saying it once to spare the other from typing
Ibuki : omg
Ichino : Yep
Chapter 4: When, where or how to die
Summary:
Wondering about very hypothetical questions with buddies is the way to go.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ichino : I have a question
Hamano : yep?
Ichino : Imagine you can get one info about your death between when, where and how
Ichino : Knowing you can’t fight against it
Ichino : What you get is the absolute truth and you can’t escape or slither your way out of the prophecy
Ichino : Which one would you choose?
Kirino : When
Aoyama : When
Hakuryuu : When
Kurama : when
Ichino : Why?
Manabe : Death is unavoidable and we shall accept it. However, passing away leaving no unfinished task is, in my opinion, the best way to leave.
Kurama : yeah
Kurama : i need to get my business done before kicking the bucket
Mahoro : I would loathe to leave the mortal plane with regrets.
Zanakurou : Akin to a wandering spirit, our souls would err, searching for a way to appease our woes.
Zanakurou : It is a play I wish not to partake in.
Kirino : There are things I need to tell before crossing this bridge and I need to know how long I have to say it
Konoha : i don’t want to leave with untold thoughts
Ichino : Good reasoning
Hakuryuu : Tsurugi and I agreed not to die before breaking our streak of draws
Hakuryuu : Until then, we are immortal
Hakuryuu : So if we know the day of our demise then we also know the day one of us will finally come out on top
Kurama : is your streak really that long?
Tsurugi : It’s like something we can’t avoid
Tsurugi : At this point we don’t care who will be the winner we just want it to end
Tsurugi : And no, faking defeat doesn’t work
Tsurugi : We tried and something happens every time
Hamano : like what?
Hakuryuu : We tried a fighting video game once
Tsurugi : In the middle of the battle Hakuryuu put down the controller to see if we could bullshit our way out of the streak
Hakuryuu : And the game crashed
Kurama : wtf
Tsurugi : Yeah
Tsurugi : Wtf
Hakuryuu : Another time we tried a simple run on a bridge
Hakuryuu : We had Tsurugi slooooowly walk through it, a step every few seconds
Tsurugi : And when Hakuryuu put his foot on it the bridge collapsed
Tsurugi : By the time he got on the other side the timer showed the same time as mine
Hakuryuu : So that’s why we want to know when
Hakuryuu : We need to be put out of our misery
Ichino :
Ichino : Ok
Ichino : The rest of you?
Aoi : I need to know how long I will be able to keep up before leaving you to fend for yourself.
Aoi : I’m worried about when that day will come.
Yukimura : oof
Midori : i was gonna say “how” but im joining aoi on this one
Midori : i wanna know whos going to stop living first between the team and me
Aoyama : Also
Aoyama : At least we know we can’t die before the time comes so we yolo our way through life until then
Ibuki : if I die next month that means i can fistfight everyone on the way there and only go after
Ibuki : im going to sock shindou and minamisawa straight in the face and die afterwards if needed
Ichino : I like that reasoning
Ichino : And assgshs Ibuki
Shindou : Whenever you want, Ibuki.
Minamisawa : We are waiting.
Sangoku : As long as I can see all my juniors graduate from high school, I will be satisfied.
Sangoku : I have to know if my wish will be fulfilled.
Amagi : you must see further sangoku
Amagi : we must be there for their wedding
Amagi : i will punch death if i have to live till then
Amagi : but i need to see hikaru grow
Amagi : AND I WILL BE THE ONE TO WALK HIM DOWN THE AISLE
Hikaru : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hikaru : o//////o
Hikaru : i’d love to have you walk me down the aisle amagi!
Ichino : Hell yeah
Ichino : That’s the best reason to live
Senguuji : My objective is to follow my father’s steps and to continue his legacy as an government officer. To achieve this goal, I need plenty of time.
Kishibe : I don’t know what I want to do yet, but succeeding Coach Aphrodi and watching over Kidokawa Seishu is maybe something I could do.
Kishibe : So I need to live long enough to become the best coach possible until I find my true calling!
Ichino : Nice
Miyabino : I’d say where.
Miyabino : I might not be able to fight against my fate but I can at least delay it by avoiding the place.
Tenma : i think id take where too
Kariya : but imagine you get a normal place
Kariya : like “youre going to die on a soccer field” or “youll be home when it happens”
Tenma : no! D:
Ibuki : the absolute horror
Shinsuke : but then ill have a reason to give my all at every match!
Shinsuke : so i wont have any regrets!
Aoyama : Basically Taiyou?
Yukimura : basically taiyou asgddfaa
Taiyou : i mean
Taiyou : not wrong
Kusaka : and if it happens at home then i just need to be careful
Kusaka : or to sleep with an eye open
Kusaka : or to trap my house if its a burglar
Matatagi : sounds stressful as fuck
Kusaka : yeah now that i think of it thats not a good idea
Kusaka : maybe how then
Kusaka : or when
Kusaka : actually idk
Ichino : Don’t worry
Minori : knowing myself ill kick the bucket throwing hands so i just want to know which turfs gonna be my grave
Minori : when ill be going there im bringing the stun gun and taking everyone with me
Kita : aqswgdf
Kita : going down like a warrior
Kita : metal af
Kita : i love that
Hamano : id like it if i could lady death could pick me up near some water
Hamano : itd be relaxing
Hamano : like a small date
Ichino : That’s kinda sweet
Kishibe : Lady Death? Does Death have a gender?
Senguuji : Does a concept have a gender?
Kurosaki : If Death is symbolised as a human entity, then it could possess one as well as not.
Manabe : Why wouldn’t Death possess multiple representations ? It is usually represented as a scythe, which is an inanimate object.
Sakura : but what if it was someone?
Minaho : Why not Lady Death and Mr Demise ?
Ibuki : theres still gender here
Zanakurou : Might we add a genderless familiar then ?
Miyabino : Any idea?
Zanakurou : A play I performed recently had Hell represented by a dog. Fell Dog maybe ?
Yukimura : fell dog asdgfd
Taiyou : i want fell dog to be the one to fetch me
Tenma : me too!
Kariya : imagine if fell dog looks like sasuke
Shinsuke : please dont say that
Tenma : well
Tenma : i know sasuke is going to go before me its not something i can forget or ignore
Tenma : but if he is fell dog then that means he will go back to fetch me!
Tenma : so i wont be going alone
Tenma : ill be with my friend that i havent seen for long and he will guide me to where i have to go
Tenma : so its not bad at all
Kariya : ok im crying
Kariya : i wasnt expecting that answer
Matatagi : i wasnt expecting emotional shit today
Konoha : i don’t think anyone one expected it
Namikawa : if im not dying on the sea i refuse to go
Namikawa : if i cant die on the sea im taking myself out on the spot
Nishiki : I DONT REALLY CARE WHERE BUT WHEN I DIE I WANT TO HAVE MY ASHES SPREAD AROUND THE KYOTO RYOZEN GOKOKU SHRINE
Ibuki : the what
Hayami : It’s a Shinto Shrine in Kyoto.
Hayami : Sakamoto Ryoma is buried there.
Hamano : oh thats why
Hakuryuu : Trespassing authorities to scatter the remains of a friend around?
Hakuryuu : You can count on me
Nishiki : THANKS
Ichino : You guys are so extra
Ichino : Awesome
Hyoudou : As long as it does not occur on a cliff or at high altitude.
Kita : fear of height?
Hyoudou : A possibility.
Kurumada : I JUST DONT WANT IT TO BE IN A TRAIN
Kurama : for?
Kurumada : REASONS
Kurama : ok
Hikaru : i want to know where
Miyabino : Why?
Hikaru : well
Hikaru : if i die close to raimon or teikoku or in a hospital then i can hope ill be surrounded by people i know
Hikaru : i dont really want to be alone when that time will come
Minamisawa : You first years need to stop making me cry. You are supposed to be happy-go-lucky kids.
Tsurugi : Sorry
Tsurugi : Kariya and I got in the way
Kariya : we destroyed the innocent first year quota
Amagi : HIKARU WELL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU
Amagi : THATS A PROMISE
Nishiki : HIKARU WE WONT LET YOU DIE SAD AND ALONE IN AN EMPTY ROOM
Sangoku : Know that we will rush to your side should anything happen to you.
Kariya : your going to die with us morons yelling in the background and thats a promise
Kurama : were not having it any other way
Hikaru : !!!!
Hikaru : thank you!
Ichino : And the “how” group?
Minaho : Keeping the time and the place of my demise builds some suspense I gladly appreciate. However, the circumstances of my disappearance…
Minaho : It is the peak of my existence ! It must live up to my expectations, lest I refuse my fate !
Akane : Exactly !~
Akane : How exciting would it be to become an unsolved case lacking evidence from decades !~
Sangoku : Are you alright? You’re scaring us.
Akane : By all means !~
Minaho : And in all fairness !
Sakura : i want to know if im going to get into a gymnastic accident
Sakura : i dont want to die falling after a headstand or slipping from the uneven bars
Sakura : thats ridiculous even for a non-gymnast so for a pro
Sakura : 😬
Yukimura : not wrong
Yukimura : if that happens to me with ice skating i want to know if its going to be ridiculous or if ill manage to die with panache
Yukimura : concussion from slipping like a noob is cringe so at least i demand a whiplash injury after a triple axel
Minamisawa : What is wrong with you all ?
Yukimura : have you seen us
Sakura : everything is wrong
Shindou : As much as my demand stems from my desire to trace back the causes, the place and the time, I just desire to die peacefully.
Shindou : A swift and painless death would be nice.
Kirino : A legitimate claim
Kirino : But your tiredness shows Shindou
Shindou : Does it ?
Kirino : Yes
Kirino : Next time you spend the night finishing a music sheet please go to sleep and don’t wake up until noon
Shindou : No promise.
Kirino : I will raid your house and put you to sleep myself
Shindou : By all means.
Kirino : I’ll get Raimon involved
Shindou : Maybe not that far.
Kirino : Try me
Sangoku : Try us.
Kita : i want to know if my death will be the consequence of my act
Kita : being collateral damage or caught in the crossfire is lame
Kita : at least let me plan my own death
Minamisawa : Will I die on my own or will I get involved in another one of your bullshitry ?
Minamisawa : I will live my life peacefully if the answer happens to be the former.
Tetsukado : id like to avoid getting into another accident involving an assault but at the same time if i die helping someone its worth it
Tetsukado : so how is not a bad thing
Ichino : You have your ways
Ichino : Not bad
Kurama : @Minamisawa
Kurama : have you seen us
Kurama : if somethings going to get us killed its raimon and no one else
Minamisawa : Let me hope. Let me dream.
Kurama : no
Taiyou : nurse fuyuka will kill me if i fall ill again
Taiyou : please tell me its not illness that will end me
Taiyou : everything but being at the end of nurse fuyukas wrath
Kurosaki : Sickness and diseases are also an ill I wish to avoid.
Tsurugi : Understandable
Tsurugi : Kurosaki more than Taiyou but understandable
Kariya : i have a list of questions regarding that and i need the answers
Kariya : am i going to die like a fool or will someone kill me for being a dick
Kariya : how spontaneous its going to be
Kariya : how much will it be on me
Matatagi : same
Matatagi : what have i done for those peeps to get rid of me
Matatagi : how many of them took part in the party
Matatagi : whos the one who will push me off the cliff
Matatagi : i need the info
Ichino : Incredible
Ichino : I dig this as some people say
Kishibe : I think the “how” category is not alright…
Taiyou : were perfectly fine wdym
Hayami : As much as I want to choose when or where, I know myself enough to know I will stress over the date or the place too much.
Hayami : So how is the less impactful choice for me.
Ichino : That’s fair
Kirino : And you, Ichino?
Ichino : How
Ichino : As Aoyama said: Yolo
Ichino : I want to know how I’ll get myself to be killed and how stupid it’ll be
Ichino : Will Faram Obius really come for me or will it be something else?
Kirino : Fair enough
Ichino : Wait
Ichino : No
Ichino : I’m taking when
Minaho : Why the sudden change ?
Ichino : I started writing a fanfic and Aoyama convinced me to post it online
Ichino : I don’t want to leave an unfinished WIP on eternal hiatus
Ichino : I need to finish it before I die
Ibuki : why can no one here expect to die of old age like normal people
Kirino : Have you seen us?
Kirino : I don’t think anyone from Raimon will get past 40
Kirino : The other team maybe but Raimon? Impossible
Miyabino : One or two people maybe?
Miyabino : Like maybe Aoi or Shindou?
Minori : aoi is probably going to die trying to stop us from doing shit
Kita : i can see Shindou downing a whole bottle of cyanide after losing his chill
Kirino : Next time we get into something bizarre and Shindou is involved in it, he takes a bottle of cyanide and drinks straight from the nozzle
Kirino : That’s how we lose Shindou
Matatagi : the one whos going to live the longest is probs tenma
Matatagi : cause hes
Matatagi : you know
Aoi : Unkillable ?
Matatagi : yeah
Aoyama : Until adulthood at least
Aoyama : We don’t know after that limit
Kurama : coach endou was unkillable when he was younger but as a coach he can die by sacrificing himself to save our asses
Hayami : So coach Tenma, if he ever is to become coach, could die.
Hayami : In this scenario, he would even be the first one to go.
Tenma : oh
Ichino : Thanks guys
Ichino : Saving it somewhere
Nishiki : NO PROB
Notes:
Me : I don’t need to put too much effort in Ichino’s Corner.
Also me : Make an @everyone in Ichino’s Corner.Do tell me what you think of this question because I did spend quite some time with it stuck in my head.
Chapter 5: Self-commentary
Summary:
Stepping back one or two steps to judge your own face is fun.
Notes:
Guess who finally learned how to embed pictures in Ao3? My tiny behind.
Update from July 27th : I was so close to deleting this chapter (not that it would change anything because this chap is boring asdfghj) because re-embedding that many pictures is not something I want to do again.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ichino : At least those of you who are free
Ichino : Not a question but as stupid if not more
Kirino : Do tell
Ichino : Look at a picture of yourself from afar as if it wasn’t you
Ichino : And tell me what you look like
Ichino : Self-deprecation is allowed and even encouraged
Matatagi : perfect
Ichino : Take the first picture you can find
Ichino : Where it comes from and how it was taken is not important I just need a face
Sakura : kay
Kurama : who starts
Aoyama : @Ichino Kick off the madness
Ichino : Roger
Hamano : so
Hamano : whats your vibes ichino
Ichino : Honestly
Ichino : With my haircut, my color palette and my empty eyes I look a bit like a cryptid creature
Hamano : asdggv
Ichino : @Aoyama Go
Ichino : Verdict?
Aoyama : I give massive gremlin energy
Aoyama : Doesn’t help that I’m short
Yukimura : aqvdgdfhv
Shinsuke :
Shinsuke : why do i look so angry
Ibuki : who insulted you
Ibuki : you look ready to fistfight a mf
Minori : out with chill
Minori : in for a brawl
Shinsuke : i look like a fight/ground type pikachu
Kurama :
Kurama : i look less like an asshole there than i thought
Kurama : but i look way too emo for my liking
Kariya : i think its the haircut
Kurama : ive got one weird color palette
Kurama : im an unblended chocomint ice cream
Hayami :
Hayami : Were my arms always so thin?
Kurama : hayami
Kurama : all four of your limbs are twigs its not just your arms
Hayami : My haircut makes me look like a nerdy berry.
Sakura : now that you say it
Sakura : i cant unsee the fact you are a fusion between a tomato and a red currant
Ichino : Maybe you should change your glass frames
Hayami : I should.
Hamano :
Yukimura : why are you so blasé
Hamano : probably wasnt listening to whoever was in front of me
Hamano : my brain looks so empty
Hamano : no thought only elevator music in my head
Taiyou : pfffffffffffff
Kirino :
Kirino : Was I always so androgynous?
Shindou : Yes.
Kirino : Is that why I get so many letters on Valentine's day?
Kirino : Because I look girly?
Shindou : I can’t tell for that one.
Nishiki : WHY DO I LOOK SO ANGRY
Midori : who insulted your bloodline?
Manabe : Why does your uniform have its colors reversed ?
Nishiki : NOT IMPORTANT
Tetsukado : you kinda look like a guy who would go to school with a wooden sword
Midori : he did that once with a steel sword
Hikaru : what?
Nishiki : I WAS COSPLAYING
Midori : YOU DIDNT TELL ANYONE AT RAIMON
Midori : WE JUST SAW YOU MESSING AROUND WITH A FUCKING KATANA
Tsurugi : Ah
Nishiki : I FORGOT TO TELL YOU
Taiyou :
Hakuryuu : Why are you so angry?
Taiyou : idk
Taiyou : i also dont know if my hair is supposed to be a sun or a tulip made of peeled carrots
Hakuryuu : Given your eyes and your skin color
Hakuryuu : You’re a salad
Taiyou : nice
Kariya :
Kariya : an emotionless asshole
Tsurugi :
Tsurugi : A taller and smuger bitch
Ibuki :
Ibuki : the tallest dumbass of them all
Ibuki : my hair looks so much like a wet dog
Kusaka :
Kusaka : a towering moron
Aoyama : Wait
Aoyama : Do you have a pic without the headband?
Kusaka :
Hamano : the fire background is cool
Ichino : Nice hair
Taiyou : nice eyes
Kusaka : thanks
Minori : why are you crying
Minori : which match was it
Kusaka : shashmir
Kusaka : samshir
Kusaka : not important
Kusaka : im keeping the headband either way
Konoha : you don’t have to feel self-conscious about your eyes
Konoha : you’re handsome with or without headband
Konoha : and you’re cute no matter what you wear
Sakura : oh dear
Sakura : kusaka died
Manabe :
Matatagi : do we say the obvious thing to say?
Manabe : Please do.
Matatagi : one biggass nerd
Ibuki : the nerdiest nerd that ever existed
Minori : looks like the only thing you can lift is a pen
Manabe : I have the face of someone who spends their entire days coding and playing video games.
Manabe : I give the feeling of being full of myself.
Sakura : just a bit
Minaho :
Minaho : I now understand what people meant when they told me my enormous eyes were unnerving.
Minori : why you look like youre devising a plan to get rid of someone
Ichino : Why do you have the exact same posture as Manabe?
Minaho : A coincidental situation leading to the both of us adopting such a position.
Yukimura : who the fuck were you judging
Manabe : You need not know.
Shindou :
Tsurugi : You can already tell it’s Shindou from Shinsei Inazuma Japan
Tsurugi : Not even because of the uniform
Tsurugi : But because he looks ready to stew someone
Ibuki : and that someone is most definitely my ass
Kirino : That’s right
Kirino : You have something specific in mind Shindou?
Shindou : I had an idiom but I don’t remember it
Kirino : Need help?
Shindou : Nevermind, I found it.
Kirino : And?
Shindou : “Rich bitch boy”
Ibuki : azqsfsdv
Hamano : qsfsrfgnjn
Ichino : AQEDFHFHJ
Aoyama : HOJKDV
Tsurugi : SHINDOU
Kirino : LMAO
Tenma : shindou :o
Sakura : XDDDDDDDDDDD
Matatagi : which picture of me do i have to comment
Matatagi : pleasing matatagi or dark side matatagi
Hamano : youre a pokemon
Ichino : Do both
Matatagi :
Matatagi : pleasing matatagi looks lost
Matatagi : you know that guy whos always here in the middle of the plot but doesnt have any idea whats going on
Matatagi : thats pleasing matatagi
Matatagi : look at this straight-faced “dont know what im doing” nerd
Sakura : and dark side matatagi?
Matatagi : a bitch
Matatagi : thats it
Matatagi :
Matatagi : look at this face
Matatagi : it screams “going to put spaghettis in your shoes and wait till the end of training to see your reaction”
Ibuki : wtf
Ibuki and at the same time not wrong
Ibuki : but wtf
Matatagi : the pleasures mine
Hamano : nice background
Matatagi : thanks
Tenma :
Aoi : Awwwww. Look at him!
Tenma : i can see why big sis aki told me i look young
Tenma : i look chubby
Tsurugi : You’re soft
Tsurugi : Great to cuddle
Shinsuke : youre squishy!
Kirino : Our captain everyone
Shindou : A squishy baby boy.
Tenma : also
Tenma : its a little like hamano
Hamano : empty head?
Tenma : there doesnt seem to be a lot of things in it
Tenma : like there would be an echo if you knock on my head
Tenma : like a hollow pot
Matatagi : dont know if i should agree wholeheartedly or try to be nice
Minori : since when you try to be nice?
Matatagi : not wrong
Matatagi : @Tenma you definitely do a echoing “bonk” with this head
Hikaru :
Hikaru : i look a bit lost
Hikaru : not mean or anything but not smart
Hikaru : definitely an airhead
Kariya : thats fun given that you actually arent stupid
Kariya : just a bit clumsy
Sakura :
Sakura : is it me or do i look like a gossiping bitch
Sakura : the stupid princess type one
Sakura : you know the one with the obnoxious laugh
Tetsukado : i think its still alright
Tetsukado : id say more like the innocent princess who just escaped from the castle
Tetsukado : with the tiny giggle
Sakura : awwwww thank you tetsukado
Sakura : but no
Hakuryuu : She looks like a sweet girl with a secret agenda
Hakuryuu : The secret agenda being arson or murder
Sakura : youre not wrong
Tetsukado :
Tetsukado : i def gives off “rush in first yell second hit third and think at the very last” vibes
Kusaka : why do so many of us look stupid
Hamano : well
Hamano : thats how we are
Kusaka : fair
Minori :
Minori : wow
Minori : is that potomuri
Tsurugi : Yeah
Minori : i look like i dont give a single shit about everything
Minori : my head looks full of void
Minori : but not like tenma
Minori : more like if you hit my head your fist gets swallowed into oblivion
Midori :
Ibuki : wtf is this background
Midori : long story
Midori : also wow
Midori : my hair looks much more like tentacles than i thought
Tetsukado : how did you get your dye to be so clean
Midori : what dye
Midori : thats my hairbands
Tetsukado : oh
Tetsukado : i might be a bigger idiot than expected
Midori : it happens
Ibuki : how could you forget that with your hair
Tetsukado : is it weird mines natural?
Sakura : what
Tetsukado : what
Konoha :
Aoi : Awwwww. Look at her!
Tetsukado : konoha looks like who she is
Ibuki : small girl
Kusaka : cute
Sakura : adorable
Konoha : aaha
Konoha : .////.
Yukimura :
Yukimura : is it me or are my eyes rectangle?
Ichino : Character design
Ichino : I just realized you had the same strange lashes as Tsurugi
Yukimura : @Tsurugi where do they come from
Tsurugi : Neither of my parents have them
Tsurugi : But my mother has sharper eyes and sharper lashes than my father
Tsurugi : So I probably get them from my mother side
Yukimura : oh
Yukimura : also
Yukimura : why do so many of us have “asshole” plastered on their face
Kurama : a good summary of our life
Hakuryuu :
Hakuryuu : Here I come
Hakuryuu : The ultimate asshole
Yukimura : i dont know how your hair works
Yukimura : and at this point i dont want to
Hakuryuu : Wise decision
Hakuryuu : I don’t know either
Minaho : We only have Aoi left.
Hamano : do we do the aoi evolutive line or just final evolution
Konoha : what?
Aoyama : Both
Sakura : what?
Shinsuke : raimon aoi and earth eleven aoi
Hikaru : you mean her haircut?
Shinsuke : yeah
Tetsukado : she got a haircut?
Kariya : yeah
Aoi :
Ibuki : its the weirdass background again
Sakura : cute hairstyle
Minori : nice bow
Aoi : Thanks!
Matatagi : you look a bit like youre planning a murder in your head
Sakura : matatagi why
Matatagi : am i wrong
Konoha : yes?
Minori : actually no
Tenma : matatagi :(
Tenma : minori :(
Aoi : If there was any murder at the time, it was most likely logic or common sense.
Tsurugi : Not wrong
Aoi :
Kariya : how do you have the same pose and the same stare in the two pictures?
Aoi : Coincidence, I guess.
Tsurugi : You went from summer uniform to thick jersey and jogs
Aoi : They are comfortable.
Aoi : I get why you wear them so much.
Tetsukado : right
Ibuki : except that your hair gets poofier
Ibuki : your clothes get thicker
Ibuki : youre not that different
Ibuki : not in a bad way i mean
Ibuki : you can parachute two guys
Aoi : I understand.
Ichino : Do we have other people joining?
Manabe : I do not think so.
Manabe : No one connected themselves during our turn.
Ichino : Ok
Ichino : Thanks guys
Ichino : You’re dismissed
Minaho : No worries !
Notes:
“Feu is that the wikia picture?” Yes, these are the wikia pictures.
You probably realized some characters didn't take part in it and that's kinda my fault asddffdgf. Ichino's Corner is something I'm "supposed to write without actually putting a lot of effort in it" (which I fail, chapter 4 being a perfect example of that X) ), so there will chapters where I'll hand-pick who will partake to alleviate the load and, hopefully, speed up the writing.
Chapter 6: Unrecommended food consumption
Summary:
Because at some point in your life you happen to stumble upon the situation of you eating a thing you should not be eating.
And when you’re Ichino, you ask your friends if they did the same.
Notes:
Thing to know : Unlike in Effective Communication, Ichino (or Aoyama) can tag @everyone and not have the whole cast answer, only those who decide to.
(That’s my way of sorting only those I want to make appear asdgfhg.)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ibuki : whats up
Namikawa : whats your question ô our grand question giver
Ichino : I just drank a bottle of hot sauce thinking it was gazpacho
Ichino : And I should probably haven't done that
Ichino : So I just thought : what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Ichino : Or if you can’t remember, at least something you’re convinced shouldn’t be eaten the way you did
Minamisawa : Before we start:
Minamisawa : How do you even confuse a bottle of hot sauce and a bottle of gazpacho ?
Minamisawa : Doesn't gazpacho come in cartoons ?
Ichino : We re-use bottles at home so usually the content is never the same as what's written on the container
Ichino : I once gulped soy sauce thinking it was chilled tea
Shindou : You store tea in bottles ?
Ichino : Listen
Ichino : Please don't ask
Ichino : Just answer
Akane : A spoonful of cinnamon !~~
Akane : It was for a challenge.~~
Ichino : I remember that
Ichino : How did you do?
Akane : Easy peasy !~~
Hayami : An ice cube with salt.
Hayami : For a challenge too.
Ichino : Ouch
Sangoku : Before anyone continue:
Sangoku : Please tell me no one here tried to eat laundry detergent.
Hayami : No.
Minamisawa : No one is that braindead yet.
Minamisawa : I hope.
Namikawa : scales
Namikawa : too lazy to scale my fish
Namikawa : and only weak people who cant enjoy food remove the skin
Tenma : you should remove them tho
Tenma : because its bothersome when it gets in your teeth
Tenma : and the skin is too good to spoil it with scales
Namikawa : i know i know
Tetsukado : i can show you super scaling techniques from my family!
Tetsukado : so you can scale it super fast
Namikawa : hit me on
Tenma : uhmmm
Tenma : i like to taste sasukes food
Aoi : Tenma tastes every animal food that falls under his hands.
Tenma : aoi does it with me
Aoi : What have we tested already ?
Tenma : uhm
Tenma : cat food and fish flakes
Tenma : we did bird seeds
Tenma : we tried hay too
Tenma : after that its the same thing as us
Shinsuke : the same?
Aoi : Grains, vegetables, fruits and the likes.
Hikaru : and?
Kariya : how it is
Tenma : dog kibbles are very dry
Tenma : wet food tastes better
Tenma : a bit like meat jelly
Aoi : Bird seeds taste like seeds. Nothing surprising.
Yukimura : a bowl of ice with soy sauce
Tetsukado : like
Tetsukado : shaved ice?
Yukimura : no
Yukimura : took a handful of snow on the side of the road
Yukimura : clean snow dont worry
Yukimura : put it in a bowl
Yukimura : drizzled soy sauce on it
Yukimura : and grabbed my chopsticks
Manabe : How did this idea come across your head ?
Yukimura : i wasnt alone
Yukimura : i was with a bunch of friends
Matatagi : were you all so hungry youd eat snow
Yukimura : from afar you can mistake it for shiny rice
Matatagi : dont think im delusional enough for that
Yukimura : when youre a kid you dont need delusion
Yukimura : youre the delusion
Matatagi : not wrong
Sakura : melted candies on toast
Sakura : twice
Kirino : Why twice?
Sakura : once i was with friends and we tried to make sweet soup by melting candies in a pot
Sakura : it ended up like some sort of caramel so it was too thick to drink
Sakura : so we put it on bread to make toast instead
Kusaka : and the second time?
Sakura : bread and dragées in the microwave
Hamano : sounds like something id do out of curiosity
Sakura : what i did
Taiyou : you know when you want a snack but theres nothing in the fridge or in the cupboards
Taiyou : sometimes i want to eat savory food but there are only biscuits or yogurt
Taiyou : so i do with what i have
Manabe : Meaning ?
Taiyou : flat white untoasted bread sandwich with ketchup mayonnaise applesauce and cream cheese inside
Matatagi : wow
Matatagi : that fridge aint empty its antimatter at that point
Kariya : the more i read it the worse it sounds
Yukimura : and
Yukimura : how is it?
Taiyou : not that bad actually
Sangoku : Are “drinks” allowed?
Ichino : Yes but I fear what you have
Sangoku : A mix of black vinegar, soy sauce and sesame oil
Ichino : Leftover dipping sauce?
Aoyama : Still passable
Kishibe : I used to eat tea leaves after brewing a pot of tea.
Shindou : Why ?
Kishibe : I thought it was a waste to throw them away.
Kishibe : My team told me to stop soon enough.
Amagi : tinfoil
Amagi : im not good at unwrapping leftover food
Kurama : nice surprise at lunch
Hikaru : i can show you how to wrap them
Hikaru : Mr Genda showed me a way so it’s easy to unwrap
Amagi : thanks!
Ibuki : you know dietary complements
Ibuki : some are flavored or made with natural ingredients
Ichino : Let me guess
Ichino : You eat them like candies
Ibuki : sometimes
Kariya : i mean
Kariya : vitamins gummies are quite tasty
Kariya : far from the best but theres worse
Minaho : I guess so. However, I have the feeling he might not be talking about fruit-flavoured vitamin gummies. Am I right ?
Ibuki :
Shindou : Ibuki Munemasa, what kind of dietary complement do you snack on ?
Ibuki :
Ibuki : fish oil capsules
Minamisawa : Of all the things,
Minamisawa : Fish oil.
Ibuki : it tastes great okay?
Kurama : it doesnt?
Hamano : it tastes great
Ibuki : tell me shindou what you have
Shindou : Ants.
Kirino : Ants
Kurama : gonna take a gander and assume you did it together
Matatagi : did you just go in shindous garden and grab ants like it was snack time?
Kirino : Nope
Kirino : We weren’t aware they were ants until after we ate them
Tsurugi : Ok
Tsurugi : How?
Shindou : My parents brought a bag of cooked ants from a trip abroad.
Shindou : We thought it was shredded licorice and decided to taste.
Kirino : We got told when a maid came back to the kitchen to us shoving a handful of ants in our mouths.
Hikaru : how do they taste?
Hayami : Sour I guess ?
Kirino : @Hayami How did you know?
Hayami : It’s because of the formic acid.
Shindou : What ?
Hayami : Formic acid.
Aoyama : Cardboard, paper and tissue
Kurama : why
Hamano : why not
Aoyama : It dissolves easily in water so I thought I could eat it like cotton candy
Aoyama : Also don’t tell me you never wondered how paper tasted like
Kurama : i have
Kurama : doesnt mean i tried it out
Hayami : And the results ?
Aoyama : Taste like fiber with variations
Aoyama : Dunno how to explain the taste to you
Aoyama : But it sucks all the moisture in your mouth so it feels dry
Aoyama : Paper tastes a bit like ink
Kirino : How do you know what ink tastes like?
Aoyama : Tried it too
Aoyama : Can’t explain the taste either
Aoyama : I’d say bitter?
Matatagi : cake wrapping
Kishibe : Isn’t it dangerous?
Matatagi : i think its alright
Matatagi : and it was me or my brothers either way so better have the bigger one eat them
Manabe : Lip balm, accidental.
Sakura : understandable
Minaho : Lipstick.
Minaho : Not accidental.
Nishiki : UNDERSTANDABLE TOO
Tetsukado : shampoo and shower gel
Hamano : conditioner and hand cream
Nishiki : BODY SCRUB
Sangoku : Why do so many of you eat cosmetics?
Hamano : it gets you pretty curious when they start putting fruit in them
Tetsukado : i dont want watermelon and banana on my hair i want them on my plate
Nishiki : CRUNCHY PINEAPPLE IS NICE
Sangoku : I see…
Hikaru : i swallowed an eraser once
Hikaru : it was an accident i swear!
Kariya : sounds fake
Kariya : luckily we trust you
Amagi : promise?
Hikaru : promise!
Hikaru : i was chewing it and bit a piece
Kariya : dont know if its better than grass and dirt
Kariya : before you ask
Kariya : trip in the mountains with the adults busy setting camp and no one supervising me
Kurumada : SAND
Sangoku : Sand?
Kurumada : IT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRIP
Tenma : thats true!
Kurama : a pebble
Midori : youre not a bird or some cattle you dont need that
Midori : your stomach is more than strong enough to do its job alone
Kurama : its better than marbles
Midori : not really???
Kusaka : dust
Kirino : People shouldn't take “bite the dust” so literally
Kusaka : some do
Konoha : were you hurt?
Kusaka : oh it wasnt a gang fight
Kusaka : just confused a ball of dust for something else
Sakura : for what?
Kusaka : long story
Midori : a piece of leather
Midori : well
Midori : fabric and threads as a whole
Midori : wool and plush stuffing too
Hayami : Why ?
Midori : there was a time i started sewing and thread work
Akane : It’s better to cut your threads with a pair of shears.
Akane : It’s less dangerous and it lowers the chances of splitting.
Midori : learned that
Midori : sometimes im just too lazy to fetch the scissors
Shinsuke : i swallowed plastic pieces of children toys once
Matatagi : how old were you
Shinsuke : past 3 year old if thats what you want to know
Matatagi : just because it says between 0 and 3 doesnt mean you have the right to ingest them after
Shinsuke : i know
Zanakurou : I often find myself breaking segments of chopsticks.
Tenma : how?
Tenma : chopsticks are very hard for me
Tsurugi : Tenma don’t bite chopsticks
Tenma : i wont!
Manabe : Were you biting them too hard ?
Zanakurou : I do not think so. I recon using the ordinary amount of strength expected of a human being savouring his meal.
Minaho : I wasn’t aware Lion’s bite strength could transfer to his host.
Minaho : We should study this case further.
Zanakurou : It is fairly embarrassing to return a pair of broken chopsticks when dinner ends.
Kusaka : theres better to live through i guess
Nishiki : I GET YOU
Konoha : i already ate wild mushrooms and wild berries
Kishibe : Were they poisonous? If so, are you alright?
Taiyou : did you just take a stroll in a forest and decided to imitate the animals you were seeing by picking whatever edible thing you could see?
Konoha : yes
Konoha : i think some of them were
Sakura : a bit afraid but
Tetsukado : what else you tasted?
Konoha : leaves and tree bark?
Konoha : that’s still alright honestly
Amagi : kusakas not reacting
Amagi : its strange
Minaho : Knowing him, Kusaka likely fainted.
Hakuryuu : Someone else's blood
Tsurugi : Someone else’s blood
Tenma : what?
Taiyou : where
Aoi : When ?
Shindou : Who ?
Shinsuke : how?
Kirino : The five W
Hakuryuu : Blood
Tsurugi : God Eden
Hakuryuu : Training
Tsurugi : Each other’s
Hakuryuu : Treating injuries
Shindou : It doesn’t clear anything at all.
Tsurugi : Injuries in the wild and saliva makes for an okay emergency disinfectant
Minori : couldnt you use yours instead of the other?
Hakuryuu : It happened twice with two different situations
Kirino : Which are?
Tsurugi : When you want to treat a whole scratched forearm and you don’t want to spit on the wound and you don’t have water nearby so you don’t think too much about licking skin
Hakuryuu : Same but you have one strip of gauze and half a bottle of water you use on the wound, ending with you getting blood over your hands while treating the injury so you just lick the blood off your fingers
Akane :
Midori :
Kusaka :
Minori :
Kirino : Kay
Konoha : if you say so…
Ibuki : im surprised aois still standing and hasnt gotten a stroke since we started
Aoi : To be honest, I don't think I can say anything there.
Matatagi : hoho
Matatagi : is aoi unhinged?
Aoi : Internally, I’m convinced.
Matatagi : im interested
Matatagi : tell me what you did
Tenma : was it the paint on the paintbrush from when we were younger?
Midori : paint?
Midori : thats toxic af aoi wtf were you thinking
Tenma : we were out of water and she wanted to clean it
Minori : what the fuck
Minori : how can you be out of water when painting?
Minori : where were you?
Aoi : @Tenma Not the paint. I think I did worse than that.
Aoi : Well, it depends on how you see it, I guess ?
Manabe : Worse than pain and brushes ?
Aoi : Be honest:
Aoi : Do you consider glass worse than paint ?
Tenma : aoi
Tsurugi : aoi
Akane : aoi
Midori : aoi
Shindou : aoi
Shinsuke : aoi
Konoha : aoi
Minori : aoi
Sangoku : aoi
Matatagi : aoi
Kirino : aoi
Tetsukado : aoi
Sakura : aoi
Kusaka : aoi
Nishiki : AOI
Minamisawa : I take back everything I said during this conversation about brain death. We have lunatics there but not the ones I was expecting.
Kusaka : how are you alive?
Minori : how in fuck and why the fuck glass
Aoi : There was a bowl of strawberry jam on the table next to an opened jar so I made myself some toasts.
Aoi : I bit into something crunchy and thought it was just the seeds and only noticed halfway through the second toast that the top of the jar was shattered to pieces and the jam in the bowl glimmered under the sunlight.
Tenma : aoi i know you
Tenma : i beg you please tell me you stopped eating that toast
Aoi : Tenma, you know me.
Aoi : I paid no mind and finished my toast.
Tenma : AOI NO
Tsurugi : AOI WHAT
Akane : AOI WHAT
Midori : AOI THE FUCK
Shindou : AOI NO
Shinsuke : AOI WHY
Konoha : AOI
Hikaru : NO
Kariya : AOI WHAT
Minori : AOI WTF
Sangoku : AOI NO
Taiyou : DONT DO THAT
Kirino : AOI NO
Tetsukado : AOI NO
Amagi : NO
Sakura : AOI WHAT
Hayami : WHAT
Kurama : WHAT
Kusaka : WHAT!?
Kurumada : NO
Ichino : AOI
Aoyama : AOI
Manabe : NO !
Zanakurou : You ought to take better care of yourself.
Aoi : It was an accident.
Minamisawa : Finishing a toast full of glass shards after noticing said glass shards is NOT an accident. It is folly.
Ibuki : i kind of regret starting that conversation
Matatagi : i regret pressing further into the conversation
Ichino : Let’s end it before we learn about worse from Kurosaki or Hyoudou
Hakuryuu : Let’s
Aoyama : I was expecting more badly made food and less pieces of landscape
Ibuki : why are so many of us insane?
Minamisawa : You tell me.
Notes:
Please don’t do like Aoi. In general, don’t do as they did.
Also yes, some of them I either did or heard of. Why so few food and why so many non-edible materials?
But question for you : what have you done yourself in that matter?
Chapter 7: Kiss, Hug, Carry, Be carried
Summary:
The soccer pitch has quite the deal of assets for physical contact.
Notes:
They’re not playing Kiss, marry, kill if that’s what you thought about.
Maybe I should do that one day.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ichino : No context, not as if there is one anyway
Ichino : If I set up a kissing and a hugging booth, who should I put in there to make the most profit?
Kirino : Put Shindou in the kissing booth
Shindou : Put Kirino in the kissing booth.
Akane : A kiss from Shindou ! 💗💗💗
Nishiki : KIRINO FOR THE KISS
Kita : put shindou in the kissing booth
Hayami : You can have Kirino for the kissing booth.
Kishibe : Shindou is pretty popular, right? I think he could be in the kissing booth.
Kurama : put them both there
Midori : shindou and kirino
Midori : kiss
Tsurugi : Kirino and Shindou in the kissing booth
Hamano : shindou and kirino are really popular!
Hamano : bet theres people who want to kiss them
Tenma : shindou and kirino are very handsome
Tenma : im sure a lot of people would like to have a kiss from them
Minamisawa : If we have to state the obvious: do you know how many letters Shindou and Kirino receive at Valentine’s ?
Minamisawa : You will decimate the student body with them.
Ibuki : lmfao
Ibuki : straight off the beat
Yukimura : i cant get over how shindou and kirino were the first to throw the other name in half a second flat
Kirino : I know my best friend
Shindou : I know my best friend.
Shindou : Before I forget, include Taiyou.
Tenma : taiyou! :D
Tenma : you know sometimes he does this little wink thats very cool and handsome :D
Tenma : with a very pretty smile too :D
Tenma : taiyou is pretty and handsome :D
Taiyou : :o
Taiyou : o///o
Ichino : Of course
Ichino : I was going to add him either way
Tsurugi : Tenma should be in the hugging booth
Ichino : @Tsurugi Because of boyfriend bias, I can’t allow you to say anything for Tenma
Tsurugi : Too late
Ichino : I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to take your opinion into account here
Tsurugi : Fair
Ichino : @Tenma Same here, you can’t vouch for Tsurugi
Tenma : but he gives great hugs :(
Aoi : Objectively speaking,
Aoi : Put Tenma in the hugging booth.
Shinsuke : im not tsurugi but tenma should really hug people
Taiyou : make tenma hug people i promise you its worth it
Ichino : I should’ve expected that
Aoi : While I’m at it, put Tsurugi in the hugging booth too.
Hakuryuu : You can put Tsurugi in both but he prefers hugging
Konoha : i think Tsurugi like hugs, so the hugging booth isn’t too bad for him
Tetsukado : hug hug hug hug hug hug hug
Ichino : A bit more unexpected but not that much
Ichino : Ok
Tetsukado : also you know
Tetsukado : hugs and kisses are great i love them
Tetsukado : but have you ever been carried by kusaka and zanakurou?
Tetsukado : bear hug + warmth + you feel safe + super relaxing
Tetsukado : id also take this
Tetsukado : with a kiss from sakura and a hug from ibuki
Tetsukado : or better
Tetsukado : to carry shinsuke
Tetsukado : or to be carried by minori
Manabe : Anything you wish to confide in ?
Tetsukado : you people are lit and physical contact is my protein powder
Taiyou : mood
Yukimura : mood
Tenma : its true!
Kurumada : AGREED
Nishiki : SAME
Miyabino : Minori carries people?
Manabe : Half of your time is spent wondering about the possibility of being used as a majorette baton. Otherwise, it is agreeable.
Minori : nothing better than to have them tucked in the crook of your arms
Minori : except maybe lifting them by the collar
Minori : pretty good feeling too
Midori : agreed
Ichino : Ok guys, I’m setting a carrying booth as well
Manabe : May I propose Kurosaki and Senguuji as carriers ?
Akane : Kurosaki is like a dashing prince !~~
Akane : And Senguuji give such a protective aura !~~
Kurama : do you think we should carry the girls?
Hayami : I would rather have Midori carrying me.
Midori : id rather carry people
Ichino : Duly noted
Hamano : carry kurama!
Hamano : hes small and cute
Kurama : if i knew that one day id be called cute
Hamano : youre cute and cool! >w<
Kurama : hugging hamano is like having a stack of wet towels on your shoulders
Hamano : heavy?
Hayami : A bit weird but the weight is comforting.
Hamano : :o
Hamano : :DDD
Shinsuke : amagi can lift people with one arm!
Aoyama : Nishiki can lift people over his head
Ichino : Acrobatic stunt carriers, check
Hakuryuu : Actually, put Tsurugi in the carriers
Tsurugi : Sure?
Hakuryuu : You have my word
Tsurugi : Then same for Hakuryuu
Tsurugi : I speak from experience before you ask
Hakuryuu : I carried you like a potato sack
Tsurugi : If I felt at rest while being carried like a limp pillow then the bridal carry will be great
Ichino : Got it
Hikaru : i think kariya could be in the carry zone but as the carried
Hikaru : it’s very cozy to hold him
Kariya : hello everyone
Kariya : im a cat
Kariya : im warm and i can purr you can carry me
Kirino : I’m sold.
Shindou : Come here.
Kariya : before i get thrown into two pairs of arms
Kariya : hikaru for hugging
Kariya : hes like a bouncy plushie
Amagi : second that
Amagi : let him be hugged
Tenma : i think fey would give good hugs
Tenma : and kinako too
Tenma : and shuu!
Tenma : theyre warm and soft
Tenma : all three
Hakuryuu : Shuu doesn’t hug much
Hakuryuu : But you’re not that wrong, he’s pretty snug to hug if he lets you
Ichino : Alright
Ichino : All three have been added to the hug booth
Kurama : i guess it depends, but i think some people would like a kiss from beta
Shindou : Meia and Giris are quite charming themselves.
Hamano : imagine a double kiss from them >//w//<
Akane : 💗
Tenma : i think saru should be held
Hikaru : you do?
Tenma : he looks like someone who likes to be held
Manabe : Where should we include Aoi ?
Taiyou : i love how its not "should we add her" but "we know she got to be somewhere, the question is where"
Shinsuke : hug
Tenma : kiss
Kusaka : headpats
Minamisawa : Headpats ?
Ibuki : not wrong
Ibuki : she looks like the kind of people who would
Ibuki : you know
Ibuki : like a teacher or a parent
Kusaka : she gave me one
Kusaka : it was nice
Ichino : Aoi is just a mom
Kirino : Given the team she has to deal with
Kirino : It's not that far from the truth
Aoi : What am I going to do with you unruly children ?
Hamano : i want a headpat!
Tetsukado : i want a mom kiss!
Tenma : hug! :D
Sakura : headpat! 🥰
Miyabino : Can I have one too?
Aoi : Come here, you lots. I have love and affection to give.
Taiyou : hey
Taiyou : you know who would blow up everything if we put him in the three booths?
Taiyou : yuuichi
Hamano : oh
Ibuki : oh
Nishiki : OH
Namikawa : hell yeah
Kita : count me in
Minaho : What a ground-breaking discovery !
Ichino : @Tsurugi @Tenma Asking the local Yuuichi experts
Ichino : Hug?
Tsurugi : Oh you aren’t ready
Tsurugi : Once you experienced it you can't go back ever again
Tenma : he gives good hugs!
Tenma : its a family thing i think
Ichino : Ok for the hug
Aoyama : Kiss?
Tsurugi : That I don’t know
Taiyou : yes
Taiyou : hes 👌
Shindou : He gives all his love and affection into his kisses.
Hakuryuu : How do you?
Taiyou : he kissed me goodnight before
Shindou : He likes to kiss people goodnight. He did it once for me during a sleepover at the hospital.
Tsurugi :
Tsurugi : We stopped doing that because we don’t sleep in the same room anymore
Taiyou : i cant believe im telling you that
Taiyou : but ask him for kisses again because youre missing something
Tsurugi : I know I’m missing something
Ichino : Ok kissing is good too
Amagi : is it alright for him to carry people?
Tsurugi : It’s alright
Tsurugi : It doesn’t seem like it, but he's strong enough to lift me with his arms stretched out in front of him
Sakura : sign me in
Sakura : i want a hug, a kiss and to be carried like a princess
Ichino : Carrier registered
Aoyama : Conclusion?
Ichino : He would destroy the economy
Tsurugi : And I have to step in and refuse
Tsurugi : What if I lose him?
Hakuryuu : Not wrong
Hakuryuu : We can’t risk that
Hakuryuu : If we lose his brother we lose Tsurugi in the process
Hakuryuu : And we'd rather not have that
Notes:
End results :
Kiss : Shindou, Kirino, Taiyou, Sakura, Beta, Meia, Giris, Aoi
Hug : Tenma,Tsurugi, Ibuki, Hikaru, Hamano, Fey, Kinako, Shuu, Aoi
Carry : Kusaka, Zanakurou, Minori, Kurosaki, Senguuji, Midori, Tsurugi, Hakuryuu, Amagi, Nishiki
Carried : Shinsuke, Kurama, Kariya, Saryuu
All three : Yuuichi
(Secret booth) Headpatting booth : A lot of Go adults + all the goalkeepers + Matatagi + Aoi(?)Update : Thanks Chulian for noticing I forgot Aoi there! Her part has been added!
Chapter 8: One Piece Red : Inazuma singers 1
Summary:
Assigning songs because Ichino and Aoyama can.
Notes:
If people wonder : I actually haven’t seen the film. I haven’t actually watched or read One Piece. But these songs, I know them a lot.
I think the small fusions (if we can call them as such) or the works I do not know deeply will stay here with Ichino, since it’s just assigning one or two small details, not enough for a full-fledged AU.
There are some spoilers in this, but I hope they aren’t that spoilery.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @Raimon
Aoyama : @Raimon
Midori : what is it this time
Aoyama : The last One Piece movie
Hayami : One Piece Film: Red ?
Aoyama : Yeah
Ichino : You see
Ichino : The songs
Kariya : the songs?
Ichino : The songs are super good, right?
Hamano : yeah!
Ichino : I have
Ichino : An idea
Kirino : Of course
----------------------------------------------------
Ichino : Obviously, New Genesis is for Tenma and Aoi
Tenma : it is?
Aoi : It is ?
Tsurugi : Of course
Shindou : Logical.
Shinsuke : yeah!
Kariya : fair
Tenma : ??
Tsurugi : Tenma, Aoi
Tsurugi : You realize that:
Shindou : You are newcomers who appeared and broke through the statu quo as fast as this song broke through the charts.
Hayami : Young prodigy singers with a talent that had to be discovered,
Kariya : we know you two can sing
Kurama : a song breathing undying optimism
Hikaru : “if i change the world”
Nishiki : “I SING FOR LIBERATION”
Hamano : “do you wanna play”
Amagi : “unfurl the chain”
Kurumada : “MELODY LIGHTING UP THE PATH TO NEW HORIZONS”
Midori : “i wanna be free”
Akane : “And let a brand new era dawn” !~~
Kirino : “We can choose the way of our future”
Shindou : “This boundless music brings transformation.”
Tsurugi : “This dream will come true”
Shinsuke : “i believe in you”
Aoyama : This
Aoyama : For Tenma
Aoyama : And THIS
Aoyama : For Aoi
Sangoku : We’re sorry to announce this to you.
Sangoku : But you are the song New Genesis.
Tenma : aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Aoi : Help
Midori : you know you cant deny it
Akane : The best thing is to accept it !~~
Hamano : so when the movie starts with the crew going to elegia
Hamano : we go for a big gathering of singers
Hamano : all the crews from all horizons
Hamano : and tenma and aoi are special guests with their new song! :D
Tenma : o////o
Shinsuke : if we were in one piece
Shinsuke : tenma could have conquerors haki with arthur!
Shinsuke : or a wind logia!
Shinsuke : or maybe a pegasus mythical zoan!
Tenma : :D
Kariya : aoi is a fusion of nami and chopper
Kariya : dont need power to be badass
Kariya : and shes the medic
Kurama : the managers are all nami and chopper
Kurama : keeping the ship away from sinking and getting lost out there
Kurama : and keeping us out of the underworld
Kurumada : IMAGINE IF KESHINS AND HISSATSUS WERE DEVIL FRUITS
Amagi : you realise wed have akane, midori and aoi as the only people who can swim?
Aoi : It would not be that unrealistic…
Midori : our job: saving your asses from drowning
Akane : Truly like us !~~
Ichino : The lifeguards
Ichino : The three MVPs of the crew
Sangoku : That means Tenma would lose his ability to swim.
Tenma : D:
Tsurugi : You can’t deprive Tenma of water
Tsurugi : He needs to swim once in a while it’s necessary for his growth
Amagi : but what can we do?
Amagi : devil fruit users cant swim thats the rule
Kariya : i know
Kariya : when tenma wants to swim
Kariya : or to try swimming at least
Kariya : aoi ties him at the end of a fishing rod and she carry him into the water
Kariya : that keeps his head out of water and he can still try swimming
Kariya : and that applies to all of us
Midori : cant wait to fish you out of a pool like that
Aoi : We did that once, didn’t we ?
Tenma : we did
Tenma : it was fun! :D
Aoi : It was !
Hamano : tsurugi is zoro with his three swords!
Hamano : one for lancelot
Hamano : one for okita
Hamano : and a childhood one from his brother!
Hamano : and a wolf zoan!
Tsurugi : My backstory in three swords
Tsurugi : And a fruit
Ichino : Then Shindou and Kirino should both have Observation Haki since they are the strategists
Akane : A shiny Shindou with a Peacock Zoan !✨
Akane : And a Mist Logia Kirino !✨
Shinsuke : hikaru can have armament haki since hes super powerful!
Hikaru : me!?
Amagi : YEAH!
Kariya : itd be logical
Kurama : im pretty sure tenma and aoi are the type to start singing then drift off the script and ad-lib half the song
Hamano : but the add-ons are so good they look like they were planned!
Aoyama : The sound mixer listening be like “omg the ad-libs are SPOT ON”
Shinsuke : so they keep the recording as it is!
Tenma : thats
Aoi : The ad-libbing part is actually quite accurate.
----------------------------------------------------
Aoyama : I'm Invincible has Arakumo vibes
Aoyama : So Taiyou is an obvious choice
Ichino : But we were also thinking of Nishiki
Nishiki : @Taiyou TAIYOU
Taiyou : ok what did i miss?
Nishiki : YOU AND ME
Nishiki : IM INVINCIBLE FROM THE ONE PIECE MOVIE
Taiyou : OH YEAH
Taiyou : also tenma and aoi for new genesis is the only possible choice
Tenma : taiyou! o//o
Aoi : Taiyou no.
Taiyou : dont fight it
Taiyou : theyre right
Taiyou : for im invincible
Taiyou : it’s the “when clouds build up inside my song can clear the sky” is it?
Ichino : Not wrong but the one that struck us the most was “My dream is now your wish and my hope never-ending” and “You and I, unstoppable when we’re together We can have it all”
Aoyama : That's literally Taiyou and Arakumo on both sides
Tenma : i think “see how i move with such grace like a dancer on the stage” suits taiyou too :D
Tenma : because hes very graceful and pretty
Aoyama : There is that also:
Aoyama : “We keep repeating the same mistakes The cycle’s got to break”
Taiyou : im out of the hospital the cycle indeed broke ✌️
Shindou : What about “It’s time to work through all the pain And be the one to change”
Taiyou : i dont like this
Shindou : “The dream that I once had still beats strongly in my heart” ?
Taiyou : why am i feeling called out?
Shindou : It might be a possibility.
Hamano : i know!
Hamano : for nishiki its the “let worry fall away”!
Hayami : And the “No fear allowed to stay” ?
Midori : i think the “were obliged to do everything we want” is just him
Nishiki : I THOUGHT THE “MY FEELINGS MAY BE STRONG BUT THERES POWER WHEN YOU HAVE PASSION” WAS WHAT TILTED YOU
Minamisawa : Along with the “When fog builds up inside my song can clear your mind”, probably.
Ichino : I think the “You know I’m invincible Everything is alright” is very you two
Ichino : Also
Ichino : This picture but it’s you and the Mixi Maxes behind
Nishiki : OH YEAH
Taiyou : OH YEAH
Hikaru : is there a sun sun devil fruit in one piece?
Ichino : I don’t remember
Ichino : There are too much Fruits in One Piece
Hamano : doesnt matter
Hamano : we can make one for taiyou!
Hamano : a logia can makes him turn into the sun
Kurama : so taiyou is just one big ball of burning gas
Shinsuke : its super powerful
Shinsuke : but the downfall is that he burns himself
Shinsuke : and the air is so hot its hard to breath in this form
Taiyou : does it needs to be that realistic?
Aoyama : Not funny otherwise
Nishiki : I CAN HAVE AN ARMOR DEVIL FRUIT
Nishiki : OR TO SUMMON BLADES
Hayami : would that be a metal logia or a weapon paramecia?
Nishiki : DONT KNOW
----------------------------------------------------
Ichino : Backlight is a big bite
Aoyama : But not as much as Tot Musica
Tenma : D:
Taiyou : fear
Sangoku : Oh no.
Amagi : a part of me was hoping youd skip the last three songs
Ichino : Unfortunately, no
Ichino : Aoyama was inspired
Aoyama : @Kusaka
Aoyama : @Fey @Zanark
Ichino : Sorry to bother you, but can you come online for a few sec?
Kusaka : ok
Fey : Of course!
Zanark : *audio*
[ “I thought you’d do that!
Show me your writing!” ]
Aoyama : Ok since I don’t know if you know it
Aoyama : Listen to that first
Aoyama : *link to the song Backlight*
Fey : Kay
Fey : ‘Kay we’re back
Zanark : *audio*
[ “Such power and intensity! I like it!” ]
Kusaka : i saw the movie
Kusaka : not my favorite song but its also good
Aoyama : Ok prepare yourself
Aoyama : I think the song is a bit like you
Aoyama : @Kusaka
Aoyama : Given your backstory
Aoyama : Are “My memories so good and awful it seems they gave me a grudge” “I’m not playing the victim, no more” “My heart got tangled up bad and now it’s frayed” “Though my anger exhausts me and I fall apart” good lyrics for you?
Kusaka :
Kusaka : i dont like that
Ichino : Sorry
Kusaka : dont mind
Kusaka : i mean
Kusaka : its not wrong
Kusaka : but i wasnt thinking about that when the song showed on the screen
Midori : kusaka during the match against shamshir be like
Kusaka : i cant believe it
Aoyama : Same for @Fey
Aoyama : Do you think “I have left bitterness and resentment behind me and it is all thanks to him” “Look, it’s the clowns who think they know how crushing loneliness can be” are fitting?
Aoyama : With this:
Aoyama : Yes, “him” is your father
Aoyama : Yes, it's your rabbit plushie instead of the hat
Fey : I don’t like it
Taiyou : why the second one tho
Kariya : its what happened during the ragnarok right
Aoyama : Yep
Fey : I can’t believe a song from 200 years ago was reading my mind
Ichino : Sorry again
Fey : It’s ok!
Fey : It’s fun
Fey : But I wouldn’t call people clowns
Ichino : Is “bad guys” better?
Fey : Yeah
Ichino : And for Zanark it’s “Let the winds of wrath blow them away” and “Not gonna live in compliance”!
Zanark : *audio*
[ “The perfect picture of free spirit and unstoppable will! Truly suitable for my character!” ]
Fey : Hey!
Fey : This is like Zanark when he was about to explode in the Three Kingdoms!
Hamano : the background is the same color as his keshin!
Kurama : qszgvfh
Kariya : aqegdf
Taiyou : aqzsgdh
Kurama : so this:
Kurama : with the “run wild! release your rage!”
Kurama : “time to go to rage, lets punish them all”
Kurama : “my actions may cost me but I cant let go of the past I refuse to move on”
Kurama : “i understand but my angers here to stay”
Kurama : is just them in tyrano miximax/berserk mode/about to explode mode and dealing with salt and bitterness?
Kusaka :
Fey :
Zanark :
Fey : Help
Minamisawa : Too late.
Kusaka : i suppose i have a bear zoan?
Ichino : If we take the lazy route
Ichino : That would mean Earth Eleven is just full of Zoans except for Shinsuke
Kusaka : yeah not wrong
Hayami : That means we admit Fey decided to consume two Ancient Zoans without thinking of the consequences.
Kurama : hes a ssc im sure he can survive
Fey : I’m sure I survived worse than two fruits
Kurama : i just had an idea
Kurama : why not have the mixi maxes as heroes from the void century
Kurama : and whoever have the weapon they left behind get their power
Kurama : like weaker ancient weapons
Kurama : that way we can stack the hissatsus/souls and the mixi maxes without shoving two zoans down feys throat
Hamano : :o
Hamano : kurama youre a genius >w<
Kariya : what happened in the void century for you to throw all the mixi maxes in there?
Kurama : nobody knows what happened in the void century so for now its whatever fits your fancy
Aoyama : Accepted
Tsurugi : I have this feeling that Zanark would be the type to eat three Devil Fruits and just survive as a ticking time bomb ready to blow up
Zanark : *audio*
[ “I sure would do that!
Watch me, being the most dangerous pirates of the sea!” ]
Sangoku : Luckily we won’t record that.
Kurumada : WHY
Sangoku : You know, as fun as it sounds, I don’t think putting the three of them in this song in a studio is a good idea.
Shindou : Oh.
Shindou : OH.
Tsurugi : Oh?
Shindou : Berserk Mode Kusaka, Mixi Max Tyrano Fey and Zanark in a room, yelling into a microphone.
Hikaru : oh
Kariya : OH
Tsurugi : Oh shit I see
Fey : What do you see?
Kirino : The shockwave would destroy the studio
Kirino : Send Shinsuke flying through 60 walls
Kirino : Blow Kurama and Hayami miles away
Kurama : the building would get 60 kid-shaped holes going from the studio to the outside and three guys breaking the walls in between
Tenma : i think fey is better for where the wind blows
Fey : ??
Kirino : I don’t know if it’s better or worse to have a sad song or an angry song for him
Hamano : @Fey stay with us so you can see!
Fey : K
Notes:
My brain : Small fusion, not full-fledged AU.
Me : You think we can keep this promise for both content and amount of words?
The chapters : *around 2000 words each when it started at 500*
My brain : No.
Me : I should have expected it.My brain : Also you just said you haven’t read One Piece. Then, how do you know what Haki, Paramecia, Zoan and Logia are?
Me : I like wikias and worldbuilding.The next chapter will handle the three(?) remaining songs! It will probably be out in a few days.
Chapter 9: One Piece Red : Inazuma singers 2
Summary:
It started. It follows.
Notes:
I'm putting this chapter here before time comes scarcely short for me. It should have been out days ago already-
Sorry I'm (and will probably still be for quite some time) kind of inactive lately! I don't have a lot of reasons except that studies are having a party and that I am the unfortunate piñata aqsxdcvgh.Tot Musica is just one big spoiler from the movie. It will be marked with ----- Spoilers ----- and ----- End of Spoilers -----.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : We have to do Fleeting Lullaby first
Amagi : i dont think anyone here fits the description
Sangoku : I hope no one here fits the description.
Minamisawa : I know you found someone and if they are from Raimon, I will try quitting the chat again.
Ichino : Luckily for Minamisawa, they’re not from Raimon
Kurama : then who?
Ichino : @Matatagi @Beta @Saryuu
Saryuu : what
Beta : whats the shit
Matatagi : summarize your case in a few words
Ichino : Ehm
Aoyama : Wait a sec
Shindou : No need.
Shindou : @Saryuu Were you insane back when we fought you and the Second Stage Children ?
Shindou : @Beta Is madness still a part of your character ?
Shindou : @Matatagi Do you desire a clip of you traumatizing Sazanaara ?
Saryuu : i thought me lacking sanity was common knowledge
Beta : Of course it is!~~
Matatagi : im interested
Matatagi : tell me
Shindou : @Ichino It’s alright.
Ichino :
Ichino : *link to Fleeting Lullaby*
Ichino : What do you think of this?
Beta : “Listen Baby making you happy whether you like it or not” 💗
Beta : “Come on up and we can sing together” 💗
Beta : “Fun unfettered” 💗
Hayami : It sounds like a threat.
Beta : Maybe~~
Beta : “reality is overrated” right
Saryuu : right
Matatagi : right
Saryuu : i feel like the “so just stay out of my way” is something i said once
Fey : You were diplomatic most of the time
Fey : Except during raids
Saryuu : gonna trust you and the others on that one
Matatagi : honestly
Matatagi : “youre not gonna outthink me i thought of everything” is very minaho energy
Matatagi : cant say for the rest of the song but if were going with traumatizing sazannara you can add him
Ichino : True
Ichino : @Minaho
Minaho : How may I be of help ?
Matatagi : one piece red songs
Matatagi : fleeting lullaby
Matatagi : us two offending powais whole planet
Minaho : How exciting ! And indeed quite accurate !
Tsurugi : Can I say write something daring?
Tenma : of course! :D
Tsurugi : Matatagi at Tenma during the match against Ixal Fleet:
Tsurugi : “You think you’re so tough? Well, I had enough of it”
Matatagi : very accurate
Minaho : I second this statement.
Tenma : is it?
Aoi : It was.
Shinsuke : yeah
Shindou : I concur.
Minaho : This song must indeed be Sazannara’s point of view for us !
Amagi : that bad?
Matatagi : im sure powai aint done nightmaring about me
Minaho : If we had to picture the scene, this might be the planet’s point of view of Matatagi.
Matatagi : one clone = one hand for my azur
Matatagi : the uta running away is powai
Matatagi : also
Matatagi : that 100% minaho during the match:
Shindou :
Aoi :
Tenma :
Shinsuke :
Minaho :
Tsurugi :
Tsurugi : From what I saw of it
Tsurugi : Yeah
Tenma : there was a moment when the sscs sounded like “this is a utopia”
Saryuu : wait
Saryuu : you heard the utopia part of the speech
Sangoku : Yes.
Saryuu : damn
Aoi : I think the first lines suit Saryuu and Matatagi quite well.
Matatagi : which ones?
Aoi : “I’m sick and and tired of being alone”
Aoi : “Wanna be connected”
Aoi : “Have a bond to hold on to”
Aoi : “Just gonna lay it all out, how I feel”
Saryuu : i feel so fucking exposed
Matatagi : same
Aoi : Sorry.
Taiyou : sscs in a nutshell
Taiyou : “salvations got to come”
Taiyou : “this generations done”
Taiyou : “its tired of never being listened to”
Taiyou : “the screams were never heard”
Taiyou : “the suffering endured but no more”
Taiyou : “theres no turning back now”
Fey : I’m being attacked by truth and I don’t know how to feel
Saryuu : were being attacked and i want to feel offended
Taiyou : be offended if you want
Saryuu : will do
Matatagi : the end though
Matatagi : the insanity
Fey : It’s
Fey : Fitting?
Beta : Right?~~
Saryuu : help
Minaho : Too late !
Matatagi : so im the falcon zoan?
Kirino : Isn’t there already a Falcon Zoan?
Shinsuke : yeah
Shinsuke : but its a brown desertic falcon
Shinsuke : he can be a blue ocean falcon!
Shinsuke : one that resists the rain and the tempest
Matatagi : cool
Tsurugi : Can we do something with El Dorado?
Hikaru : the marine maybe?
Beta : The Marine ?
Kurama : the sea police more or less
Kurama : but since the protags are pirates the marine is kind of bad
Beta : Oh !
Beta : Why not !~~
Tenma : and for saryuu?
Kariya : a monkey zoan?
Hikaru : or a telekinetic paramecia?
Hamano : or both?
Kurama : were really going on the route where the sscs are just people who went “fuck it, lets eat two devil fruits, blow shit up and wait to see how long i have before imploding on myself”
Saryuu : i can tell you that we didnt choose that path at birth
Saryuu : but the time bomb analogy is not wrong either
----------------------------------------------------
Hayami : I’m really afraid of what you want to do for Tot Musica…
Ichino : Well, I am too
Ichino : Because Aoyama is the one with the info for this one
Aoyama : @Raimon @Taiyou
Aoyama : And @Shindou @Kirino
Aoyama : You ready?
Shindou : No but go ahead.
Kirino : No but do it
Kurama : own your madness
Aoyama : Tot Musica but it’s Kirino and Shindou losing it™
Aoyama : Live™
----- Spoilers -----
Aoyama : So imagine
Aoyama : You start with this and we can pretend it’s their Keshins and their Mixi Max going haywire and fusing to create Tot Musica
Aoyama : Like:
Aoyama : And instead of just a pair of wings it’s the Keshins
Aoyama : Of course the lyrics match
Aoyama : “Bitter tears flowing out”
Aoyama : “They never dry up”
Aoyama : You see? Frustration building up until the dam breaks
Aoyama : I’m not going to put them all here even if I did for the others but I swear all the lyrics add up for a Bad Ending!Kirino and Shindou
Aoyama : And since both are the best singers out there and also a bit dramatic it’s even more accurate
Shindou : It barely began and I already dread what is to follow.
Kirino : I don’t know how much is left but we’re in for a ride, is it?
Aoyama : You are
Kurama : so this
Kurama : and this
Kurama : but its respectively kirino and shindou grooving to the sound of madness
Hamano : qdgsfxgfgh
Nishiki : COULD BE
Taiyou : aqzgdhfgh
Tsurugi : Honestly if they ever sing “United, we’re fighting, Bring them down with our song of ruin”
Tsurugi : There’s no point even trying
Tsurugi : We’re all dead
Kariya : true
Amagi : honestly if anyone looks at you the way uta glares at the camera in this song the only right decision is to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction
Ichino : True
Midori : if shindou or kirino looks at you like that you know you fucked up big time
Kariya : ill be honest
Kariya : if kirino looked at me that way during my first days i wouldnt have been such a little shit
Kirino : That’s how I was internally looking at you during the match with Gassan
Kariya : know that if you successfully pulled it id have cooperated harder than shinsuke and tenma together
Kirino : Wait I got better at acting since then
Kirino : *photo*
[ A selfie of Kirino having the exact same expression as the picture above. ]
Kariya : T
Kirino : So?
Fey : ???
Shinsuke : kariya and hikaru jumped when they saw the photo
Tsurugi : He screamed “HOLY-” and dropped his phone
Tsurugi : And @Ibuki
Ibuki : yup
Tsurugi : Do you know One Piece?
Ibuki : dude
Ibuki : im a big one piece fan
Ibuki : i read the manga watched the anime watched all the movies
Tsurugi : If Shindou popped in front of you and started singing Tot Musica, what would you do?
Ibuki : id have realized i flexed a bit too close to death and surrendered immediately after
Tsurugi : Understandable have a nice day
Aoyama :
Aoyama : This is insecurity and doubts
Kirino : Accurate depiction of insecurity
Shindou : It is.
Aoyama : Ok galaxy brain spawning here
Aoyama : Two way scenes
Aoyama : First is Kirino and Joan linked together with a chain
Aoyama : And while Kirino is swimming, struggling to get to the surface, Joan is clinging to skulls resting on the bottom
Aoyama : Representing Kirino trying to keep up with everyone getting stronger and not being left behind while Joan is trying to save something already lost
Ichino : Aoyama you’re scaring me
Aoyama : That’s my unofficial job
Aoyama : And the second is Shindou and Nobunaga tied with the Mixi Max bound, Shindou trying to get to the bottom, where what matters to him lies, while Nobunaga is breaching through the surface with his thirst for power
Shindou : I do not like that.
Aoyama : Sorry not sorry
Kirino : Hey
Kirino : Kirino in Medieval France
Shindou : Shindou during the Holy Road
Shindou : This game is beginning to be fun !
Tenma : shindou no :(
Tsurugi : Shindou no
Kurama : kirino no
Hayami : Kirino no.
Hamano : no :(
Hamano : both of you :(
Aoyama : That’s where sanity leaves for good
Aoyama : And that’s Tot Musica, which here is Maestro, Brynhildr, Nobunaga and Joan fused into a monster
Aoyama : In front of us, the “Straw Hat Pirates”
Hayami : I promise you that if I ever had to witness this as a member of the Straw Hat Pirates, the only reaction you will get will be me staring at it with dread and horror and screaming in terror.
Hikaru : it’s very scary…
Sangoku : I can completely picture Tenma and Tsurugi rushing head-first with no regard for their safety onto those piano tentacles, trying to get to the top and bring Shindou and Kirino back to reason.
Sangoku : With Shinsuke and Nishiki following not far behind.
Amagi : they would
Kurumada : THEY WOULD
Nishiki : I WOULD
Shinsuke : i dont know
Shinsuke : id like to be brave enough to try to save them
Aoi : They would. Every single one of them.
Midori : @Shinsuke we observed you enough to know you will rush in with at most two microsecond long second thoughts
Hamano : oh!
Hamano : the red haired pirates on the other side can be coach endou and his friends! :D
Kurama : the only good thing out there
----- End of Spoilers -----
Aoyama : Just before we switch to the next song:
Aoyama : This scene
Aoyama : But it’s Kirino
Kirino : The only time I want to make this kind of face is the day I get the opportunity to strike down my mortal enemy or to slap myself
Tsurugi : I can see why you’d be so happy to slap yourself
Tsurugi : It’s one of my dreams too
Tenma : no! D:
Hikaru : no!
Shinsuke : no!
Shindou : Kirino, Tsurugi.
Shindou : I only have one advice to give:
Shindou : Run.
Aoi : We’re on our way.
Kirino : Oh shit
Tsurugi : Oh fuck
----------------------------------------------------
Ichino : I don’t know why, but The World’s Continuation gives me of Shuu vibes
Aoi : I can see why.
Aoi : Is it the open sea, the starlight and the “One day we’ll meet again” ?
Ichino : Partially
Ichino : I honestly can’t explain why it reminds me of him so much
Tenma : its a bit like the story he told me!
Shinsuke : a story?
Tenma : its a bit long to tell but its like the song
Tenma : its about a girl who had to be sacrificed to the sea to save her village
Tenma : but her brother didnt want to
Tenma : so he tried to rig the match where the sacrifice was decided
Tenma : but people found out
Tenma : the sister was sent to the sea and the brother was exiled forever
Tenma : and the song could be what happens next
Tenma : with the boy singing to his lost sister
Aoyama : Ouch
Aoyama : That’s sad
Ichino : Shuu seems like someone who has a terrific memory
Tsurugi : Just asked Hakuryuu
Tsurugi : That’s true
Aoyama : Even better
----------------------------------------------------
Aoyama : Ok last one
Fey : The one I’m better in?
Ichino : Apparently yes?
Ichino : I don't know
Midori : @Tenma care to clarify?
Tenma : ok
Tenma : @Kinako
Fey : Mom?
Kinako : hello! ^w^
Kinako : hi big fey! ^o^
Kinako : what can mama kinako do for you? (>w^) ~~☆
Tenma : can you tell me if this song is good for you and fey?
Tenma : *link to Where the Wind Blows*
Kinako : is it where the wind blows from one piece red
Kirino : Yes
Kinako : i can see why
Kinako : but honestly id have loved a song thats not sad
Kinako : whose idea was it?
Kariya : tenma
Fey : Tenma’s
Kinako : a little surprising
Tenma : i thought the lyrics were like something a mom would sing to her child
Tenma : about hoping for answers but not having replies
Tenma : or to keep dreaming for them, not surrendering and going on
Tenma : or to keep on singing until the song reaches them even when youre apart
Tenma : and fey had a difficult childhood so the “the winds will change, i promise you” sounded like something kinako would tell fey
Tenma : and the part about searching and trying to find happiness
Tenma : you three (fey kinako and asurei) were doing that
Tenma : fey wanted to find friends and people to trust
Tenma : the two kinakos wanted their family to be happy
Tenma : and asurei tried to save fey even if he couldnt keep him and he was scared
Tenma : and you reached out despite the pain and try again and again
Tenma : and i felt like the sorrow part is a bit what helped you pulling it through even if its bad
Tenma : maybe you were strong because you didnt want to feel this sorrow again
Tenma : fey trusts his friend more than anything and kinako still wishes the best for everyone even from another timeline
Tenma : and the “i hope we will meet again” too
Tenma : and since kinakos still here that means they really met again!
Tenma : on this path beyond
Tenma : but she still says “oh and even if i disappear my song will still ring out”
Tenma : like a mothers love always watching over her child
Tenma : i spoke a lot here haha
Aoi : Nice analysis, Tenma !
Akane : Your analysis is on point !~~
Tenma : thank you! :D
Taiyou :
Shindou :
Shinsuke :
Sangoku :
Amagi :
Kurumada :
Kariya :
Hikaru :
Hayami :
Aoyama : Wow
Aoyama : And Ichino tells me I make sad stuff
Ichino : You make angsty stuff either way my spirit is broken
Ichino : But I’m legit terrified here
Midori : ok tiny wind boy
Midori : when did you learn that
Tenma : i just thought of it?
Tsurugi :
Tenma : kyousuke?
Tsurugi : Sorry I was surprised
Tenma : in a bad way? D:
Tsurugi : In a startled way
Tsurugi : I didn’t know you made analysis like that
Tenma : i dont do that usually but it struck me when i saw the song
Tenma : and big sis aki said the same thing too
Minamisawa : @Raimon
Minamisawa : Care to tell me why your happy-go-lucky captain just dropped the most heart-breaking analysis of a One Piece’s song ?
Kurama : id tell you if i knew
Kurama : but for now im just afraid
Hamano : tenma its sad 。゚( ゚இ‸இ゚)゚。
Fey : Tenma
Fey : I’m crying
Fey : And I’m pretty sure it’s tears of sadness
Kinako : me too TToTT
Kinako : 。゚(༼☯﹏☯༽)゚。
Kariya : captain
Kariya : wtf
Tenma : sorry!
Kinako : dont be TwT
----------------------------------------------------
Kinako : and for binks no sake
Kinako : who are you going to cast ?w?
Ichino :
Ichino : I forgot about Binks no Sake
Ichino : @Raimon Help?
Amagi : ichino
Amagi : coach endou and his friends
Ichino : You’re right I’m stupid
Nishiki : @Shindou @Tenma @Kita @Kishibe @Mahoro @Hakuryuu @Taiyou @Hyoudou @Senguuji @Kurosaki @Namikawa
Midori : wow chill
Namikawa : what
Kita : what
Hakuryuu : What
Nishiki : ONE PIECE
Nishiki : BINKS NO SAKE
Nishiki : JOLLY CAPTAIN SONG WITH INAZUMA LEGEND JAPAN
Tenma : !!!
Taiyou : >w<
Shindou : So that’s why you tagged us.
Kishibe : Really!?
Namikawa : hell yeah
Kita : hell yeah
Hyoudou : Marvelous.
Hakuryuu : You think so?
Mahoro : Utterly fantastic.
Senguuji : It would be an honor.
Kurosaki : Quite the ballad, indeed.
Namikawa : you did one piece without kaiou?
Namikawa : this is an offense of the greatest order
Hamano : it was only for the songs
Hamano : promise well call you if we do water things
Notes:
These songs have been obsessing me for some times now.
My brain : We were supposed to put more pictures. Especially for Tot Musica and Fleeting Lullaby.
Me : I could have analyzed the entirety of Tot Musica and Fleeting Lullaby but it was too tiring to do.My brain : You think we should do a One Piece AU?
Me : I haven’t read nor watched One Piece, so no.
Me : Who would be Gol D. Roger anyway?
My brain : Endou D. Aisuke or En D. Daisuke.
Me : *choke while laughing* Mamoru En D. Ou.
My brain : Ki D. Ou Yuuto.
Me : Gouen D. Shuuya.
Chapter 10: Author memory
Summary:
Ichino faces an issue and asks for guidance from his fellow colleagues.
Notes:
Notes : This is totally inspired by me, my one shots, some miscellaneous chapters AND my Secret Santa.
It’s a wild thing to live. Funny, but also extremely confusing.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @artistsandcontentcreators
Ichino : Have you ever felt like one of your works is a fever dream?
Sakura : ???
Kirino : Ichino, I know there are artists who work after consumption of questionable substances
Kirino : But you’re not supposed to do that
Kirino : Or to work while sick either
Ichino : I did none of that
Ichino : I wrote a one shot two days ago
Ichino : Posted it yesterday
Ichino : Read it this morning
Ichino : And I have no memory of actually writing it
Shindou : While it does happen to forget some parts of a music score, I don’t think I forgot an entire partition yet.
Kurosaki : It might occur to me to misrecollect a painting done months to years ago. However, I possess good memories of works within weeks.
Aoyama : I’m so obsessed with my worldbuilding that I usually remember it too well
Kirino : The outlines and the most impactful parts are not too difficult since they’re supposed to leave a mark
Zanakurou : My contribution to plays is few and scarce. I have never composed one on my own.
Zanakurou : Regardless, I retain fairly vivid memories of my performances.
Sakura : oh
Sakura : like that
Sakura : no
Sakura : i usually remember whats in my routines
Hakuryuu : I take the brush to empty my head so I need to look at my sheets again to remember
Hakuryuu : But a fever dream?
Hakuryuu : No
Aoi : Calligraphy is just short sentences or idioms so it’s as easy to forget as it’s simple to remember.
Akane : I have a fairly good memory !~~
Akane : And I mostly do photos and drawings, so it’s hard to forget.~~
Shindou : Do you really don’t remember it ?
Ichino : Well
Ichino : I remember the work but don’t remember the content inside
Ichino : Like, I can even tell you the time of day I wrote it, which part I wrote at the time, where I started and where it ended
Ichino : But the fact that I’ve written it? No
Ichino : I legit said “I wrote those words?”
Ichino : I think I have a problem
Minaho : It is not that surprising, actually.
Sakura : really?
Minaho : If inspiration strikes swiftly, your brain will prioritise laying your thoughts on paper and throwing all your ideas on it in a rush before they leave.
Minaho : Since it is an active and surfacic process, the zone responsible for housing memories does not actually register such thoughts, meaning that recollection is mild, even null, which is the reason why you seem to instantly forget them.
Sakura : oh
Sakura : makes sense
Minaho : Have you never come across such situations?
Kurosaki : Now that the issue has been laid out in such a manner… It is likely.
Shindou : Indeed.
Aoyama : Rarely
Aoyama : I get most of my ideas at school and think about them all day until I can write them
Aoyama : That and I imagine my things too strong for them to leave my brain
Sakura : i did
Sakura : but its not really the same
Ichino : Which means?
Sakura : since its gym moves i film myself while performing when i want to try a new routine
Sakura : and even if i dont actively remember everything my body remembers the rest
Zanakurou : Similarly, I let my instincts and my figure guide my mind. As such, my spirit seldom has to bear the burden alone.
Minaho : Multiple memories, of course.
Sakura : i mean
Sakura : most of you can do that too, right?
Sakura : for piano or calligraphy
Aoi : True
Hakuryuu : Not wrong
Shindou : There is truth to that.
Sakura : but thats only for some activities like dance or acting or music
Sakura : you cant really act your ideas, can you?
Ichino : No
Ichino : Some maybe but a quadruple backflip above a bottomless pit of of bramble or a beheading are complicated to replicate
Kirino : I just hope you never get to need it
Notes:
Am I the only one or is it actually a recurring thing for content creators? Please tell me.
Chapter 11: From surviving a fall to just falling off things
Summary:
Classic questions. Classic answers?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ichino : And @ineedscience
Ichino : When is a fall lethal for someone?
Kurama : people can die by tripping on their feet
Kurama : 1.5m/5ft is enough
Aoyama : I personally would probably manage to die falling from a table
Aoyama : So if I take my height and the table I’m already in danger at 3 meters
Ichino : Yeah I know that
Ichino : But what I want is not the height from which you can die
Ichino : I want the height from which you start telling yourself “oh shoot I’m not going to make it no matter how I land”
Manabe : Survival rates in falls are dependent on countless factors:
Shindou : The height of the fall is often the first to come. However, it is only a factor influencing the crucial elements.
Midori : the big things are: how fast youre plummeting into your potential doom,
Hayami : What you land on,
Senguuji : The way your body connect with the ground,
Mahoro : The body part that takes the brunt of the impact,
Sakura : and so on
Hyoudou : To summarize it roughly, by only considering the fall, the damage would be accounted for by duration and strength of the impact.
Midori : basically, imagine that a fall has energy
Midori : then when you land, youve got two big factors and all three more or less make for this equation
Midori : energy = time * strength of impact
Midori : when you land for a long time, the impact is low
Midori : results: not ouchies
Midori : and if the landing time is short
Midori : yikes for you
Sakura : if you want a concrete example
Sakura : if cushions or mattresses effectively cushion falls its not because theyre “soft” but because they extend the time of impact
Sakura : so they start dissipating the energy right when you touch it
Sakura : at the end its as if you landed for 3 seconds instead of 0.5
Sakura : so its 6 times weaker
Sakura : and hopefully 6 times less painful
Ibuki : like the brains said
Ibuki : lengthening is best thing to do
Ibuki : so if you ever drop like your best sack of bricks
Ibuki : try bending the knees and roll
Ibuki : falling straight on the legs is best way to lose your kneecaps
Ibuki : so squat as much as possible
Matatagi : tips from parkouring
Matatagi : drop and roll
Matatagi : when you fall you roll
Matatagi : dissipate your energy in movement and friction
Tsurugi : How do you land?
Ichino : Freestyle
Ichino : Let’s say you have the time to take whatever position you want
Ichino : Even the most optimal for survival
Kita : depends on what you land on
Kita : concrete is bad
Kita : but rocks are worse
Kita : theres too many variable
Kita : the question is too vague
Ichino : Just tell me how and on what it will be alright
Nishiki : IF THERE ARE SOME BUSHES TO BREAK THE FALL 10 OR 15M IS ALRIGHT
Sangoku : How do you know that?
Kurama : what fucking happened in italy
Nishiki : FELL FROM A CLIFF WHILE HIKING IN ITALY
Aoi : It’s not impossible to take a 6 meter high fall on the head without serious injuries.
Kariya : what?
Aoi : Tenma.
Tenma : last time?
Aoi : Yes.
Tsurugi : Tenma did what?
Aoi : He fell from his window, slid on the tiles and collided head-first with the ground.
Tsurugi : Tenma
Tenma : im fine
Aoi : He is fine.
Ibuki : damn
Ibuki : not unexpected from him
Tenma : i think the tree you fell off was higher
Aoi : Didn’t seem so.
Kusaka : oh same
Kusaka : i used to fall from trees when i was younger
Kusaka : to watch birds
Konoha : you too?
Konoha : i like to watch birds so i used to climb in trees to observe them
Konoha : sometimes i didn’t know how to get down so i just jumped
Tsurugi : Please don’t
Tsurugi : Everyone please don’t
Tenma : ill try!
Konoha : no promise
Kusaka : cant swear on it
Aoi : I can try, but I promise no result.
Minori : and i thought you were sane
Minori : but from experience
Minori : 3rd floor is chill when you land on trash bags
Minori : they make good emergency cushions
Minori : oh and its probably counterintuitive
Minori : but if you really think the fall is going to kill you
Minori : protect your body using your arms and legs
Ichino : Doesn’t that increase your chances of breaking your bones?
Minori : if the objective is to get no injury then yeah good luck
Minori : but if its survival
Minori : it may sounds stupid but breaking an arm is safer than your ribcage
Minori : and if someone saw you falling you dont need to move to be saved so temporarily sacrificing a leg is ok
Taiyou : small bush and 3rd floor too
Tsurugi : The hospital?
Taiyou : not that long of a story but yes
Sakura : 8-9 m on mats
Sakura : it doesnt hurt that much if you land rolled up and back first
Kita : thats some split second reflex
Shinsuke : also @Sakura
Shinsuke : why are gym mats so hard?
Sakura : its the best compromise between “being soft” and “still keep footing on it”
Sakura : sure being softer would be good but its pointless if you cant run of it
Shinsuke : its too hard for me
Sakura : yeah that understandable
Yukimura : snow makes a good cushion btw
Yukimura : can break a drop from a high cliff no problem
Yukimura : actually most fall survivals in mountains are thanks to that
Yukimura : ice on the other hand
Yukimura : never
Yukimura : that shit hurts as hell
Tetsukado : dont fall flat in water
Tetsukado : it hurts
Tetsukado : and its really dangerous
Tetsukado : it can seem counterintuitive sometimes but entering water feet first is better
Tetsukado : because once you reach a certain height the waters like concrete
Tetsukado : and head on concrete is not good
Tetsukado : falling flat on water kinda burns the skin too
Tetsukado : so not to do
Kita : whats even the record fall in water anyway?
Kishibe : 58.8 meters last time I checked.
Amagi : a body can break a fall from the roof of a small building
Kurama : wtf
Amagi : i mean
Amagi : if someone falls on me i can break their fall
Namikawa : already happened?
Mahoro : Yes.
Kishibe : You?
Mahoro : Also yes.
Amagi : long story
Zanakurou : Traversing a ceiling of wooden planks is not as painful as one might wonder.
Tetsukado : how?
Zanakurou : The floor overlooking the theatre gave way to the stage below.
Matatagi : no need for elevator when the ceiling is a hole
Namikawa : yeah
Namikawa : wood hurts but if its planks it breaks falls alright
Namikawa : just dont punch holes in your vessel because then falling will be the last fish in your net
Kariya : if you know how to land, its rarely deadly
Kariya : if youre the slightest bit sturdy a window and a floor or two is not a big problem
Shinsuke : you?
Kariya : hikaru
Hikaru : kariya fell too
Akane : A bridge.~~
Hamano : like us?
Akane : Like you !~~
Tenma : like you?
Kariya : wdym by “like us”
Kurama : we second year bunch fell/jumped off a bridge
Minamisawa : Care to tell the story ?
Kurama : hamano leaned too much and fell
Hayami : Kurama tried to catch Hamano,
Hamano : hayami tried to catch kurama
Shindou : Kirino jumped after them,
Kirino : Shindou jumped after me
Aoyama : When we saw they got away with no injury Ichino asked me “how high do you think they fell from?”
Ichino : And Aoyama replied with “let’s see”
Ichino : He jumped
Aoyama : And he followed
Ibuki : this is a sketch
Ibuki : there should be no way for it to be real
Hayami : And yet.
Kirino : You would be surprised how many situations like that actually happen
Kariya : shinsukes just that woman who survived the 33,330 feet fall off a plane
Matatagi : you cant kill shinsuke by dropping him
Matatagi : he jumps to high for that
Tsurugi : @Hakuryuu
Tsurugi : How high was the cliff at God Eden already?
Hakuryuu : I forgot
Hakuryuu : Way too much
Hakuryuu : But doable
Tsurugi : A cliff is doable with some training
Kirino : And without?
Tsurugi : Not recommended
Manabe : I do not think jumping off a cliff is ever recommended.
Tsurugi : Unless you’re from 5th Sector, Raimon or Earth Eleven
Minori : wild life that you guys have
Kusaka : you say it
Kurumada : TUMBLED DOWN A HILL
Kurumada : BUT ITS NOT THAT DANGEROUS IF THERES ONLY GRASS
Minamisawa : Having a body to soften the blow is recommended, if not for the body used to actually cushion it.
Mahoro : Speaking of experience as the pillow ?
Minamisawa : Yes.
Kurumada : I TOOK HIM WITH ME
Kariya : i like the fact that were talking about it as if we werent super-dimensional soccer players or as if some of us survived three apocalypses already
Yukimura : not wrong
Kishibe : We still haven’t answered Ichino’s question.
Ichino : Honestly you guys already said a lot so I think it’s going to be alright
Notes:
How it starts : Surviving a fall
How it goes : Best way not to die
How it ends : The worst falls of your life
Chapter 12: Strength of a bite
Summary:
The questions that go through your head as you eat are fascinating.
Notes:
Beware! Using numerical values found on the Internet is only relevant if you know how to use it! Which I do not.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ichino : How would you evaluate the strength of a bite?
Ichino : Like, what do you think you can and cannot break or bite through?
Ichino : I don’t need precise numbers, physics or science
Ichino : I want your opinion on the matter
Midori : id say around 100-120 psi on average if you put your mind into it
Manabe : If we were to be thorough, it would be more accurate to use the Newton unit to define the force. However, using surface mass equivalent is easier to picture.
Hamano : oooooh wow
Hamano : is that a lot i dont see how much it is
Shinsuke : psi?
Midori : pound per square inch
Midori : so if i bite you with this strength its as if you had 100+ pounds/45+ kg on each square inch of skin
Taiyou : holy moly
Miyabino : This is an awful lot.
Midori : though a molar is less than a square inch and people usually bite each other with their front teeth so theres not as much surface
Midori : so its not 100 pounds on you
Midori : doesnt mean that shit doesnt hurt
Midori : we know you said “science not necessary” but after that its plain experience and i dont have a lot of that
Konoha : it's not bad but compared to the other carnivores we're far from being the best
Hayami : I do not think humans tried to have that characteristic as an evolutive advantage.
Midori : true
Akane : The human evolutive advantage resides in our rear end !~~
Kusaka : rear end?
Hayami : Our butt is part of “the apex of human evolution”.
Hayami : Along with our cheeks
Hayami : The cheeks of our mouth, mind you.
Kurama : thanks hayami
Hamano : hes welcome!
Aoi : This isn’t even a lie if you were wondering about the possibility of being a joke.
Shinsuke : thats actually just a part of the truth
Minamisawa : Would you care to explain or will we leave that on read and move on ?
Konoha : getting to the bottom of it wouldn’t take too long
Konoha : but we can look at it another time maybe
Konoha : so we can answer Ichino’s question
Ichino : What do you think I can break with 100+ psi?
Ichino : A bone?
Nishiki : YOU DONT NEED FULL POWER TO BITE THROUGH A BONE
Kirino : Agreed
Kurama : second that
Minori : thats easy
Hayami : Do you mean a chicken bone or a full human bone?
Nishiki : YES
Midori : yes
Tsurugi : Yes
Matatagi : hard plastic and silicone toys are weak
Yuuichi : Did your little brothers broke their chewing toys too ?
Yuuichi : Kyousuke usually did quick work of his at this age.
Matatagi : i saw enough of them leaving tooth prints everywhere to wonder
Matatagi : our old crib looks more like an used dog bone than a pile of plastic bars
Manabe : It is possible to leave an imprint on iron using a human bite.
Hamano : that much?
Sakura : did you?
Manabe : It is only information I found thanks to your datas. I did not “cut my teeth” on metal.
Minaho : We ought to conduct an experiment.
Kurosaki : I ignore the exact force necessary to apply this effect, however, indenting wood is not a hard task.
Kishibe : Hardwood or softwood?
Kurosaki : I recall an article taking oak wood and pine wood as a test subject.
Kishibe : Not bad.
Hamano : is pine wood hard?
Kishibe : Not that much. It’s considered as softwood. The yew tree or the ash tree are harder.
Kishibe : Though, the softwood and hardwood categories have large intervals so taking the name as an average measure is not appropriate.
Kita : what wood?
Kita : a toothpick, an ice cream stick or a plank?
Kishibe : You can break the first two no harm.
Kishibe : It’s about leaving a bite mark on a wooden board.
Aoyama : Is wood tasty?
Kishibe : It does have a particular taste so you should make your own opinion on it.
Shindou : Do not eat wood.
Hamano : just taking a bite
Hamano : for the taste
Kirino : No
Kirino : Or let us in
Ichino : Can you bite through a plastic bottle?
Ibuki : easily
Kariya : hikaru did
Amagi : what
Kurama : when
Kariya : i dont know if it ever happened to you
Kariya : but sometimes you have a bottle that refuses to open no matter how much you twist it
Kariya : we first years had that once and our go-to jar opener aka shinsuke wasnt there
Kariya : i just asked hikaru if he could try his hand on it
Kariya : and he just ripped off the top with his teeth
Hikaru : i thought he wanted me to pull the bottle open so i tried to remove the cap without twisting it ^^’
Ibuki : minori flexed on me and damn
Ibuki : she won
Ibuki : may this bottle rest in pieces
Kirino : I just found out that there is a value commonly used to measure bite strength
Kirino : It’s called Bite Force Quotient or BFQ and it takes size and strength into account
Kirino : Roughly speaking and oversimplifying it, it’s a ratio of bite force and body mass
Kirino : And it seems that an average human bite strength somehow went up to higher than 120 but since I don’t know how to convert newton and kilograms in psi I might be wrong
Kirino : Convert is a pain when no one uses the same unit
Manabe : Agreed.
Sangoku : And what about this quotient?
Kirino : Common weasels seem to have an acceptable ration when you compare it to the brown bear
Aoyama : Who here's got a strong jaw?
Aoyama : Or at least knows it?
Tsurugi : Hakuryuu
Hakuryuu : Tsurugi
Yuuichi : Kyousuke has a more than decent bite power.
Taiyou : dont mess with hakuryuu when hes holding something with his teeth
Taiyou : may this towel forever keep the mark of hakuryuus dentition
Yukimura : dentists dont need an xray screen they just need this towel
Aoyama : I should have expected that
Midori : nishiki
Minori : i do
Ibuki : minori
Kariya : hikaru
Kita : Namikawa
Kita : both sharp teeth and strong jaw musculature
Amagi : mahoro
Kishibe : Mahoro?
Amagi : mahoro
Tetsukado : zanakurou
Kusaka : tetsukado
Ichino : Do you think one of you can rip a notebook?
Tsurugi : If any of us can rip a notebook then I’ll consider our teeth to be stronger and sharper than diamond and out jaws to be stronger than hydraulic press
Minori : that means we think the fuck no
Minori : but were up for the challenge
Mahoro : Does anyone have a notebook or a stack of paper to spare?
Akane : How much paper do you need ?~~
Namikawa : surprise us
Akane : I have at least twenty centimeters scattered around.~~
Kariya : holy hellhound
Akane : Let’s meet somewhere for this test trial.~~
Aoi : Can I come ?
Tsurugi : We promise you not to damage our teeth
Hikaru : we’ll do our best!
Yuuichi : Please be careful !
Sangoku : Just before we get the result.
Sangoku : Have you tried yours, Ichino?
Ichino : I have a weak jaw
Tetsukado : it cant be that bad
Tetsukado : you can eat crab right?
Ichino : My jaw hurts whenever I eat bread that isn't toast
Yukimura : how do you live?
Ichino : The miracle that is cutlery and cooking
Ichino : Apparently, I put all my stat points in beatboxing and that left me unable to bite through a slab of steak
Kurumada : CAN YOU AT LEAST BREAK A THICK COOKIE?
Ichino : How thick?
Aoi : Should we be worried ?
Ichino : I don’t know, maybe
Kurumada : A HARD, 1INCH/2CM THICK COOKIE?
Ichino : Last time I tried, it was a no
Ichino : Let me try again if I have some
Shindou : Please do not break your teeth.
--------------------------
Ichino : I put my all into it and cracked the biscuit in two without losing my canines
Aoyama : Wow congrats
Aoyama : I still remember the time you barely avoided splitting your front teeth eating stew with a spoon
Taiyou : @Aoi @Akane how are our monchers?
Aoi : We have some unerasable prints of incisors, cuspids, bicuspids and molars as well as shredded strips of paper and hole-punched sheets
Kita : some of you hasn’t seen Namikawa and Hakuryuu eating and it shows
Tsurugi : Some of us has never seen Hikaru eating and it also shows
Hikaru : zanakurou is very impressive!
Hikaru : he tore all his paper sheets!
Mahoro : Tetsukado’s performance is remarkable.
Namikawa : minori is terrifying
Tetsukado : but mahoros the strongest!
Nishiki : WERE DOING GREAT I THINK
Senguuji : Mahoro ?
Hakuryuu : Mahoro
Hakuryuu : What we observed was terrifying
Amagi : you never saw him eat a jawbreaker?
Yukimura : no?
Sakura : does he just
Sakura : take one
Sakura : and *crunch*?
Sakura : like a wafer?
Amagi : yeah
Tenma : woah
Tenma : i thought lollipops were hard enough
Amagi : not enough for mahoro
Ichino : To conclude our study
Ichino : I’m pretty sure one of us could scrape concrete or nick a wall
Ichino : But at least a human bone is worth considering for an average person
Ichino : I hope no one will pick me up on it
Ichino : Thanks everyone
Tetsukado : no prob!
Kurama : why are you two always high strung about these things?
Kurama : especially when its related to biology
Aoyama : No one likes biology and especially not writers
Ichino : Why do you think biology is the only science authors never say they respect ?
Ichino : No one likes it, and content creators more than anyone else
Ichino : I mean, we actually don’t have anything against it
Ichino : Most of the time it’s extraordinarily useful and we’re glad it exists
Ichino : But I dread it when it comes to accuracy
Kusaka : why?
Ichino : Imagine yourself writing your story
Ichino : And you have a way to make a insane sub-plot or a dramatic arc end
Ichino : Let’s make it classical and have the protagonists severely wounded or half-dead on the battlefield with the end boss before them
Ichino : You have the perfect plan to defeat this villain, with everyone working and pulling out the last shred of power they have to strike him
Ichino : And one of the half-dead characters even stand up again to shield his teammates
Nishiki : I LOVE THIS PLOT
Nishiki : ITS CLASSIC BUT IT ALWAYS WORKS
Ichino : Now with all of that, imagine you write your battle with passion
Ichino : You plan every single detail, describe every emotion, get super immersive…
Ichino : You’re extremely proud of yourself for the way the battle plans out
Ichino : It’s extremely satisfying
Ichino : And in the end the first thing you either think of or get told is “it doesn’t make sense” or “there is no way they are still alive with what happened”
Ichino : Or even better, “The only way character 1 could have avoided the spell was by foresight or pure instinct, but not reflex, since the average reaction time of a human is around 300 ms, without considering the actual duration needed to compute the danger and have the body react accordingly. Moreover, judging by the amount of blood you described gushed out of his wounds, the puddle at his feet would be superior to 2L, effectively classifying as Class 2 hemorrhage, slowing his reaction time ever further.
In addiction, given the distance and the speed of the protection spell casted by character 4, estimated to be equivalent to the speed of sound, the shield would have reached character 3 too late since the atmosphere surrounding the battlefield was described as “heavy and thick due to the high concentration of mana”, meaning the tension between the viscosity of the spells would be increased by no insignificant amount and sharply decreased the mobility of the protective magic.”
Ichino : “Also the tome was bulkier before, now it’s too thin to block a bullet”
Ichino : “And wasn’t his outfit blue in the last chapter?”
Ichino : I fear that and that’s why I always tell whoever is reading my works to leave logic at the doorstep
Ichino : Because even stupid can lead to making plans but smart is not what I want people to see me as when I built a scenario
Ibuki : did your example ever happened to you?
Ibuki : because it sounds terrifying
Ibuki : who tf says that?
Ichino : Welcome to my life as a writer
Matatagi : doesnt it suck
Ichino : You get used to it, more or less
Akane : With time, it gets easier to manage.~~
Notes:
Actually, I put Manabe as one of the strongest bite strengths of this cast. This bespectacled boy be crunching rocks like dry biscuits.
The more I write, the more my conscience is telling me I am a bad example and a potential negative influence for anyone reading my works. I deeply apologize asfdgvbn.The last part about authors writing biology would better fit in another Ichino’s Corner but since I had it done, I decided to slip it in here instead.
Hahaha, let’s see how long it takes me to regret this choice.
Chapter 13: Grip strength
Summary:
Have you ever struggled to open a jar with its lid? I do.
Have you ever known someone whose title was “Jar opener”? I cannot say that I did, but I know someone who fits right in this category.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @everyone
Ichino : I’m back on my lindsheet
Ichino : Yes I know don’t ask me about last time
Ichino : Because it’s related to last time
Taiyou : ok first of all
Taiyou : lindsheet?
Kurama : dont ask
Kurama : it doesnt mean anything
Kurama : ichino likes to invent new words to avoid swearing
Taiyou : ok
Ichino : We did bite strength last time
Ichino : I’m now wondering about grip strength
Ichino : Not arm strength, mind you
Ichino : It’s not about whether you can make a head flies off with a slap it's about how easily you can turn a pen into dust in your palm
Midori : you mean the goalkeepers
Hayami : You’re talking about the goalkeepers, correct ?
Kurosaki : Might you be referring to the goalkeepers ?
Ichino :
Ichino : Yeah
Aoyama : Basically
Ichino : But we've got other non-goalkeepers with good grip, right?
Taiyou : true
Yukimura : @everyone reveal yourselves or snitch your friends
Yukimura : or we do a goalkeeper ranking first
Kita : i say
Kita : let’s do the goalkeeper ranking first
Kita : to get that out at once
Taiyou : @Goalkeepers roll call!
Shinsuke : here!
Miyabino : Here!
Sangoku : Here!
Ibuki : yep
Senguuji : I answer your call.
Hyoudou : Present.
Ichino : We’re doing a grip ranking
Ichino : Before we start debating, do you have an idea about that yourself?
Shinsuke : sangoku
Sangoku : I think Ibuki is at the top.
Ibuki : senguuji or sangoku
Miyabino : Sangoku.
Hyoudou : Ibuki.
Senguuji : I would preach for Shinsuke.
Aoyama : Ok
Aoyama : Why?
Kariya : a bit surprised about the sangoku part
Hikaru : i thought the strongest goalkeepers had the best grip
Senguuji : It is actually quite far from the truth.
Miyabino : It’s a little tricky to explain, but goalkeeping involves way more than just grip.
Sangoku : In fact, someone could be an excellent goalkeeper with almost no grip strength.
Kishibe : Really?
Senguuji : Indeed.
Hyoudou : A goalkeeper’s job can be done as long as no shot enters the net.
Hyoudou : It is just that the majority uses their hands and catches, as it allows control of the ball afterwards.
Shinsuke : yeah
Shinsuke : we have hissatsus where we dont even catch the ball but punch it out of the way or on the ground
Shinsuke : like buttobi punch or power spike
Sangoku : Tenma did a good job when he was in the goal and he just kicked.
Sangoku : Shinsuke also started blocking with his head.
Aoyama : Oh
Aoyama : That’s true
Kariya : not wrong
Shinsuke : hehe
Ibuki : @Shinsuke i still cant believe you started goalkeeping with headbuts
Shinsuke : i was a defender before
Shinsuke : transitioning was hard
Shinsuke : during my first match i forgot i could use my hands so kariya had to remind me
Ibuki : holy shit
Shinsuke : yeah
Shinsuke : back to the rankings
Kirino : I can agree to put Sangoku first.
Sakura : why?
Shinsuke : sangoku is a goalkeeper but he also knows how to cook!
Kita : whats the link?
Kirino : Have you ever lifted a wok or stirred a pot full of stew?
Kirino : It’s actually pretty hard and you better have an adequate pair of hands and fingers for the job
Kita : oh yeah i did that once
Kita : i get it now
Kita : big up to all the cooks out there because your cooking utensils are way too heavy for it to be fair
Kishibe : What about Ibuki?
Kishibe : Does basketball require a strong grip?
Ibuki : its more about grip control than grip strength
Ibuki : but it helps
Ibuki : ive got a good grip
Ibuki : cant say if its strong or not tho
Manabe : Given that we saw you rip a shirt once, we might suppose the former case.
Kurama : you ripped a shirt?
Ibuki : long story
Shindou : He killed a shirt alongside a curtain and my sanity.
Ibuki : 👍
Aoyama : We have Sangoku and Ibuki
Aoyama : The rest of you?
Hakuryuu : As someone who witnessed both from up close
Hakuryuu : Meaning outside of a match and used in real life
Hakuryuu : Shinsuke and Senguuji are more than deserving of fear
Shinsuke : its not that bad
Shinsuke : right?
Hamano : you did break a door handle
Kariya : shinsuke
Kariya : you crushed a can with one hand and no sweat and twisted a rental fishing line when hamano invited us to a fishing party
Kariya : its that bad
Yukimura : oh yeah
Yukimura : senguuji
Kurosaki : Our cherished friend and esteemed companion…
Minamisawa : The apple of our eyes…
Namikawa : and our assigned jar opener with mahoro
Hyoudou : My hands are rather petite compared to the mean of my build.
Hyoudou : While my skills ensure me the necessary strength, my grip is far from unmatched.
Miyabino : My hissatsus are more punch than catch.
Miyabino : I’m closer to the average performance than what you could expect from a goalkeeper.
Miyabino : So I’m probably standing at the bottom of the goalkeeper podium.
Ichino : The end results for the goalkeepers are:
Ichino : 1 Sangoku
Ichino : 2 Ibuki
Ichino : 3 Senguuji
Ichino : 4 Shinsuke
Ichino : 5 Hyoudou
Ichino : 6 Miyabino
Ichino : Is this it?
Yukimura : yep
Midori : now that were done with the glove wearers
Midori : can we agree that amagi absolutely demolishes everyone at raimon?
Kurama : thats a given
Kurumada : YOU SAW HIM
Hikaru : hes really strong!
Amagi : im big and burly so yeah ive got big hands
Amagi : but if we ratio my strength and my size i think thats not impressive
Kurumada : RATIO DOESNT EXIST SO YOURE STRONG
Kurumada : THATS IT
Minamisawa : Accept your herculean strength.
Hayami : In my opinion, Hamano and Midori should be close second.
Ichino : Oh
Ichino : True
Hamano : is it?
Hamano : im just a little guy tho
Kurama : a little guy who fishes and i tell you
Kurama : as someone who tried your fishing rod and who regular fishes with you
Kurama : you either have a good grip or shoe soles instead of palms
Kurama : you choose
Hamano : shoe soles should be handy!
Hamano : id be able to catch fishes barehanded!
Kurama : and theres a reason midori was the coachman in king arthurs tale
Sakura : wait midori was what
Midori : long story
Midori : yeah i was a coachman
Midori : i pulled the horse and the carriage
Konoha : handling a horse or an ox is straining if you don’t know how to move the bridle
Midori : didnt feel like it
Midori : but i didnt really have to do anything either
Sakura : if you want strong hands and strong arms for help you can always ask for tetsukado kusaka and zanakurou!
Sakura : trust me 😉
Aoi : I second her.
Ibuki : third that
Kusaka : we were in charge of moving the heavy things hehehe
Tetsukado : im not that strong
Ibuki : ahem?
Matatagi : you kidding
Tsurugi : Doubts
Zanakurou : If we may.
Manabe : Allow us to doubt.
Tetsukado : i had a better grip before!
Tetsukado : and fishermen need to know how to handle a net!
Tetsukado : if you want strong strong
Tetsukado : ask my uncle
Tetsukado : his hands are no joke!
Namikawa : RIGHT
Namikawa : YOU TETSUKADOS ARE REAL MEN OF THE SEA
Tetsukado : and @Sakura
Tetsukado : shes strong too!
Manabe : Agreed. Do not let Sakura fool you.
Manabe : Her grip was as powerful, if not more, than what you could imagine from a professional rhythmic gymnast.
Minaho : It might have to do with the last incident.
Tenma : the one with your shoulder?
Kita : wait
Kita : last time minaho went to training with a worryingly huge bruise on his shoulder
Kita : @Sakura that was you?
Sakura : maybe
Sakura : it was an accident
Sakura : i tripped and tried to steady myself with the closest thing to me
Tetsukado : minaho went down with her
Matatagi : his shoulder went down first
Matatagi : his body second
Kita : well holy shit
Kita : i thought a truck wheel collided with his side
Kita : or that mahoro got a hold on him
Kita : or namikawa
Kita : depends
Shindou : Mahoro and Namikawa again ?
Yukimura : i mean
Yukimura : have you seen them?
Yukimura : theyre monsters in their own rights
Namikawa : right!
Namikawa : were the monstrous beasts of resistance japan!
Mahoro : Please be aware that this happening was not by our own will.
Amagi : you cant help but be strong mahoro
Amagi : you can be proud of that!
Miyabino : If we’re looking outside of goalkeeping, I have to say that Mikado’s hands are terrifying.
Ibuki : oh yeah
Ibuki : kind of jealous of his guns
Miyabino : There is a rumor running in Teikoku saying he broke a glass bottle in one hand.
Kurosaki : It is frightening, to say the least.
Yukimura : thats rumors but is it real?
Miyabino : We never went to ask for confirmation.
Miyabino : However, what I can tell you is that, should he ever grab you, there isn’t much you can do that let yourself be lugged around.
Taiyou : yikes
Taiyou : reminds me of yuuichi
Matatagi : again?
Taiyou : yes again
Taiyou : but you cant blame me on it here
Tsurugi : I’m backing him on that one
Tsurugi : It’s getting repetitive but if we’re speaking of grip, I think most of us don’t hold a candle to him
Tenma : oh
Tenma : because of
Tenma : that
Tsurugi : Yes
Hakuryuu : Because of his paralysis?
Tsurugi : Exactly
Tsurugi : He spent a big part of his day doing re-ed exercices
Taiyou : you know
Taiyou : the types where youve got two parallel bars and you drag yourself over it
Sakura : oh yep
Sakura : that requires strength
Sakura : and good arms
Sakura : big ups to him
Tsurugi : He’s been doing that for 6 years
Ichino :
Miyabino :
Ibuki :
Kusaka :
Sakura :
Mahoro :
Matatagi : ok yeah
Matatagi : holy hell
Kariya : as no one would say
Kariya : holy shitass
Shindou : Indeed.
Taiyou : indeed
Tsurugi : Indeed
Aoyama : Is that all for the people who can and probably will crush a skull like a block of tofu?
Kishibe : There are already quite a lot of them, isn’t it?
Nishiki : I THINK ITS AN OK NUMBER
Ichino : Then we can go over the rest
Hikaru : what rest?
Aoyama : Those who are above average without being monsters
Ichino : Like @Akane
Akane : Do I ?
Ichino : Yes
Midori : yep
Midori : nothing to write home about but handling this camera sure muscled your hands
Midori : remember all the times you shook hands too hard with people?
Akane : I was not shaking so hard.
Kurama : i beg to differ
Hamano : she was?
Hayami : She was, Hamano.
Kita : please remind me not to exchange greetings with either of them
Kita : Speaking of which
Kishibe : @Shindou
Kita : @Shindou
Kirino : Actually, no
Kita : really?
Kishibe : I’m not sure his old bag would agree.
Kirino : His fingers are deft and have some strength but Shindou’s grip is nothing impressive
Kirino : And it was an old bag
Kita : @Shindou care to confirm?
Shindou : I choose to believe Kirino.
Shindou : I think he knows more about me than I do.
Hayami : The perks of childhood friendships.
Kurama : perks of childhood friendships is that i know youre trying to avoid your topic
Kurama : i know you played tennis before
Kurama : yes i know your arms are weak but dont act as if your hands cant tear apart a notebook
Hayami : Let me ignore that.
Hamano : but why .3.
Midori : maybe he doesnt want a redo of his arm wrestling match with nishiki
Nishiki : BUT WHY?
Nishiki : HE HAS A NICE GRIP LIKE ME
Midori : but his spindly arms are weak
Hayami : There are many reasons I stopped tennis.
Aoyama : Like his noodle arms
Hayami : Like my noodle arms.
Kishibe : If you want inconspicuous yet robust, Kurosaki has an impressive pair of hands.
Kishibe : His case is similar to Shindou.
Hakuryuu : It comes from all the time he spends painting
Senguuji : The time he dedicated to his task built his endurance and sinews.
Yukimura : im surprised earth eleven havent talked about minori since you have that running joke about her
Ibuki : oh we were saving her for now
Minori : stop speaking about my grip as if i was hulk
Minori : i grab my stuff with the strength i have
Ibuki : yeah but you grab them with drive
Ibuki : with your 1000% power
Ibuki : what we perceive is the might of a titan
Minori : fine
Minori : im getting your wet scruff next we meet
Ibuki : sure
Kirino : This is going so much out of hand
Hakuryuu : And out of grip
Ichino : I will own my mistakes when my time is due
Ichino : The scales will tip sideways extremely fast and I’ll apologize to whoever will be in charge of judging my decisions
Aoyama : Want me to take over?
Aoyama : Last but not least
Aoyama : Do we have people whose palm shouldn’t be left in contact with anything or it’ll slip away like wet soap on a tiled floor?
Sakura : minaho
Ibuki : minaho
Manabe : Minaho.
Konoha : Minaho
Tetsukado : minaho
Kusaka : minaho
Minori : minaho
Minaho : I.
Shindou : Minaho, Kita and Taiyou.
Hakuryuu : Kita and Taiyou
Yukimura : kita and taiyou
Taiyou : me
Kishibe : Kita.
Namikawa : kita
Senguuji : Kita.
Mahoro : Kita.
Kurosaki : Kita.
Kita : me
Miyabino : That was fast.
Kita : listen
Kita : were doing our best
Kishibe : Kita's doing his best
Manabe : Minaho is doing his utmost.
Kishibe : Unfortunately his body doesn’t always support that.
Manabe : It is unfortunate that his limbs do not necessarily comply with his endeavor.
Zanakurou : To express ourselves with candour, our team is assuming an event such as a delay or lack of body response to his cerebral stimuli.
Minori : basically we think his brain just doesnt catch on the fact that he has to flex his fingers if he wants his things not to run away from his hands
Minori : so he takes something
Minori : his minds like “flex your digits”
Minori : his fingers are like “no”
Yukimura : cant say the same for our man
Yukimura : dude just got weak fingers no matter what
Taiyou : i hold onto a lot of things but not on dear life
Yukimura : that was fast
Kurama : but not wrong
Ibuki : why are there only orange haired people in the butterfingers group?
Aoi : You can add Tenma in.
Kirino : There’s a reason he’s not in charge of watering the field anymore
Tetsukado : but
Tetsukado : he can fish?
Namikawa : how do you fish seahorse boy?
Tenma : big bro tsunami taught me techniques to catch fish that dont need a lot of strength
Tenma : and my hands are less slippery when theyre wet
Tenma : my mom used to tell me i was born with scales on my hands because they were always slippery
Tenma : i was slippy-ten
Tenma : that was my nickname when i was little in okinawa
Tenma : but i got better!
Tenma : i can hold things and they wont just leave my hands by themselves!
Aoi : Barely but the progress is here.
Sangoku : That’s cute.
Kurumada : THATS ADORABLE
Sakura : cute!
Taiyou : cute
Tsurugi : I like that
Konoha : it’s pretty fun!
Shindou : It is quite cute.
Kirino : That’s cute
Namikawa : THATS COOL
Tetsukado : thats cool!
Tetsukado : a man of the sea!
Namikawa : ONE WITH THE OCEAN
Namikawa : ONE WITH THE FISH AND THE SHARKS
Tenma : and the dolphins!
Tenma : like big bro tsunami! :D
Ichino : I suppose the rest of us are average
Aoyama : Yup
Ichino : Good to know
Ichino : I’ll keep that in mind
Ichino : Thanks for the help
Kurumada : ANY TIME
Notes:
Fun fact : When I did the first goalkeeper ranking I just. Hecking forgot Ibuki. I forgot he was a goalkeeper holy shell-
Other characters :
Will crush a rock in their bare palms : Saryuu, Zanark, Tobu
Alright performance : Kinako, Giris
Normal guys : Fei, Alpha, Beta, Meia, Asurei
Don’t make them hold anything lest it slips and breaks on the ground : Gamma
Chapter 14: Hogwarts houses
Summary:
We had to go there one day or another.
Notes:
Unfortunately for common knowledge, I have not read any novels nor watched any movies nor played any games.
The universe will have to do with me and my best friends : the wikias.As a side note : I swear I'm trying to get the next chapter of Effective Communication out of the basement but life is barring the door and stacking crates in front of the stairs. I'm doing my best though, so please believe in me!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ichino’s Writer (and Aoyama’s Reader) Corner
Ichino : @Minaho @Kurosaki
Ichino : I need help
Minaho : In which way can my expertise leave its mark ?
Kurosaki : Can my knowledge bring you solace ?
Ichino : Do you know Harry Potter?
Minaho : Of course !
Kurosaki : Indeed.
Ichino : I’m assigning Hogwarts houses to everyone because I apparently have a lot of time to spend despite my life
Ichino : And I don’t know where Sakura, Manabe, Yukimura and Kita would be
Minaho : Is your objective to fit everyone ? Or have you designed magicless Muggles ?
Ichino : I’ve got Muggles
Ichino : But I’ll still put them in a house
Ichino : Honestly I just want to put people in groups because I like to do that regardless of logic
Ichino : I find it funny
Kurosaki : Such is the way of the creator. I shall do my utmost to bring your ideas to life.
Minaho : My aim was not to question your ways. I solely needed an insight of your psyche.
Ichino : No prob
Ichino : And thanks
Minaho : To answer your question, I would recommend Slytherin to Sakura and advise Gryffindor to Manabe.
Kurosaki : I shall assume my companions Kita and Yukimura should belong to Gryffindor.
Ichino : Roger
Ichino : I wasn’t expecting Gryffindor for Manabe but I’m not that surprised either
Minaho : Oh ? What were your assumptions for my teammates and captain ?
Ichino : I honestly had no idea for Sakura
Ichino : Same for Yukimura
Ichino : I was thinking of Ravenclaw or Slytherin for Manabe
Ichino : Same for Kita
Kurosaki : My teammate would suit himself in both flags.
Minaho : I can understand your reasoning behind Manabe’s attribution. However, I believe Gryffindor is a temperament more befitting of his mind nowadays.
Minaho : His past self, maybe.
Ichino : I see
Ichino : Ok
Minaho : I suppose you wrote your team first.
Ichino : Yep
Ichino : I think I can see their Houses without searching too much
Ichino : Else I use the Sorting Hat’s song or the tests
Kurosaki : I do not recall meeting such a scroll in the events of the novels.
Ichino : That’s because I edited the text over a scroll picture
Ichino : I do that from time to time
Ichino : Sorry if it's blurry by the way
Ichino : Aoyama’s better than me on that field
Ichino : About that
Ichino : Have you made the “official tests” for your house, Patronus and wand?
Kurosaki : Does such sorting exist ?
Ichino : There’s a site where you can do the tests
Ichino : It’s true that you still are getting used to all that
Kurosaki : It does pique my curiosity. Might I try my hand at them ?
Ichino : Sure
Ichino : *link*
Minaho : I am eager to learn of his results !
Ichino : Did you already pass the tests?
Minaho : Of course ! I have been present since the days the Ilvermorny quiz was still on.
Ichino : There was an Ilvermorny test?
Minaho : Indeed.
Minaho : Keenan Sharpe, Ravenclaw and Pukwudgie, owner of a vole Patronus and wielder of a hard pine wood wand bearing a core of unicorn hair !
Ichino : That’s a complete ID card if I know one
Ichino : A vole?
Ichino : Like the small rodent?
Ichino : That’s a bit ironic considering your soul
Minaho : I am, personally, pleased with it. I appreciate my guardians to be both the prey and the hunter.
Ichino : I just looked at the Ilvermorny houses
Ichino : I honestly assumed you’d be in Horned Serpent or Thunderbird
Ichino : With the mind/soul, scholar/adventurer traits
Minaho : It seems my psyche still has yet to uncover, is that right ?
Ichino : Heck yeah
Minaho : Though, I repeated the test recently, and have been assigned to Thunderbird.
Ichino : That's nice also
Ichino : You've got a mind too big to fit in one single box apparently
Ichino : You kind of got the profile of a headstrong, straight-moraled wizard
Ichino : From what your wand says at least
Ichino : Unicorn hair makes a very loyal wand from what the website says
Ichino : It’s cool
Kurosaki : My examination is complete.
Ichino : Welcome back
Minaho : How were the quizzes ?
Kurosaki : The tests were mindful and engaging.
Ichino : Good
Ichino : Had fun?
Minaho : Were you entertained ?
Kurosaki : I did. And I was.
Ichino : Even better
Minaho : This is all we ask.
Minaho : Do share your attribution, dear friend.
Kurosaki : My house has been designated as Ravenclaw, and my Patronus as a stoat. The description of my wand is: “Sycamore wood with a phoenix feather core, 12 ¼ inches and hard flexibility”.
Minaho : A fellow Ravenclaw, I see.
Ichino : I like the stoat
Ichino : I think it suits you
Kurosaki : Coach Fudou once associated me with an ermine.
Ichino : That’s basically the same thing as a stoat actually
Ichino : That’s even better
Ichino : I actually say that but I hope Konoha won't set me ablaze for stating that a stoat and an ermine are the same animal
Minaho : She would not as long as your intent was misguided and unwilling.
Minaho : Sycamore wood, a classic yet trusty wood.
Ichino : Is it?
Ichino : I forgot
Ichino : Can you send us the text for sycamore wood, Kurosaki?
Kurosaki : “The sycamore makes a questing wand, eager for new experience and losing brilliance if engaged in mundane activities.
It is a quirk of these handsome wands that they may combust if allowed to become ‘bored’, and many witches and wizards, settling down into middle age, are disconcerted to find their trusty wand bursting into flame in their hand as they ask it, one more time, to fetch their slippers.
As may be deduced, the sycamore’s ideal owner is curious, vital and adventurous, and when paired with such an owner, it demonstrates a capacity to learn and adapt that earns it a rightful place among the world’s most highly-prized wand woods.”
Ichino : Nice
Ichino : You’d make a fine wizard, Kurosaki!
Kurosaki : It is kind of you to think so.
Kurosaki : So such is the wizard you would be, Minaho. According to Kita’s retelling of your person, Thunderbird and Pukwudgie do embrace your mind.
Ichino : He makes a fine wizard too, doesn’t he?
Minaho : You flatter me.
Minaho : @Ichino You have yet to reveal your identity to us.
Ichino : Never expected to get pinged in my own corner
Ichino : True
Ichino : Let me find my page again
Ichino : I've got it
Ichino : Ravenclaw
Ichino : Doe Patronus
Ichino : Maple wood with a dragon heartstring core, 11 ½ inches and slightly springy flexibility
Minaho : Two peers of Ravenclaw ! Our fellowship grows greater !
Kurosaki : A doe ? You have a noble creature watching over you, Ichino !
Minaho : A female deer, as the stag is the male. It is a grand familiar.
Ichino : It took me a while to realize I basically got the same Patronus as the Potters
Ichino : I was surprised, honestly
Ichino : I wasn’t expecting it
Minaho : Why not ? As a captain and strategist, your sense of leadership and protectiveness pair with the values embodied by this animal !
Ichino : You’re making me blush
Ichino : Our wands don’t have the same core
Ichino : We complete each other!
Minaho : How interesting !
Kurosaki : It is a gladdening sight.
Minaho : Might we know of your work ? I would like to compare my vision with yours.
Ichino : I’m always eager for some feedback
Kurosaki : Then, shall we ?
Ichino : Muggle: Aoi, Kariya, Hayami
Ichino : Gryffindor: Tenma, Shinsuke, Hikaru, Midori, Nishiki, Kurumada
Ichino : Ravenclaw: Shindou, Kirino, Akane, Aoyama, Ichino
Ichino : Slytherin: Kurama, Minamisawa
Ichino : Hufflepuff: Aoi, Kariya, Hamano, Hayami, Amagi, Sangoku
Ichino : I have details on each but this is the all-inclusive summary
Ichino : I hesitated a lot for Shinsuke and Shindou
Ichino : Sangoku sparked another Earth/Fire debate
Ichino : We’re still fighting for Tsurugi
Minaho : For Shinsuke and Shindou, I suppose you were torn between a Gryffindor/Hufflepuff for the first and a Gryffindor/Ravenclaw pair ?
Ichino : Exactly
Ichino : We decided Shindou was wittier than chivalrous
Ichino : And Shinsuke a tiny, tiny bit more daring than patient
Ichino : But honestly this judgment switches back and forth depending on the day and place
Ichino : Kariya was a little confusing but we actually got the thing
Ichino : He has the face of a Slytherin and the heart of a Hufflepuff
Kurosaki : What is this Earth/Fire debate you alluded to ?
Ichino : Aoyama and I once called Raimon to attribute Avatar bending to the team
Ichino : We couldn't choose between Earthbender and Firebender for Sangoku
Ichino : Cue debate
Ichino : We settled on Earthbender
Ichino : And here for Hufflepuff
Kurosaki : I believed Tsurugi’s case to be clear.
Ichino : The thing is that everyone agrees expect Tenma and Tsurugi himself
Ichino : We’re all for Gryffindor
Ichino : Tenma argues that Tsurugi would be in Hufflepuff
Ichino : And the main target is still wondering why we’re not putting him in Slytherin
Ichino : The only thing we agree on is that he wouldn’t be in Ravenclaw because he’d be better off in the three other houses
Minaho : Difficult. Very Difficult.
Minaho : Plenty of courage, of course. Hard work at heart, too. A strong sense of justice, for sure and, most of all, loyalty through thick and thin.
Minaho : My final choice…
Minaho : Better be Hufflepuff !
Kurosaki : I was rather leaning on Gryffindor.
Ichino : Here we go again
Minaho : Only two ways to decide.
Minaho : First:
Minaho : @everyone
Aoyama : Call for the rumble
Aoyama : And we shall appear
Minaho : Might I ask you to scroll up the five previous exchanges ?
Tsurugi : Oh no
Tsurugi : It’s the Gryffindor/Hufflepuff/Slytherin debate again
Kurama : what else?
Kirino : Let’s be efficient on it
Kirino : Anyone who thinks Tsurugi should be in another house than Gryffindor, speak up
Kirino : We can all fight about it after
Matatagi : i cant see why you dont want to put him in slytherin
Matatagi : sure hes good and stuff
Matatagi : but hes also as determined and cunning as you need
Namikawa : right!
Namikawa : bold and valiant he may be but great goals he aims!
Kishibe : Slytherin are often said to be resourceful and leaders.
Kishibe : I think it could fit him.
Tsurugi : I think determination sounds better than courage on me
Hakuryuu : Tsurugi
Hakuryuu :
Hakuryuu : Where is your self-preservation?
Hakuryuu : Where is your sense of self?
Hakuryuu : A modest, dedicated toiler like you is better far from there
Tenma : i know kyousuke would be fine in hufflepuff!
Tenma : theyre hard workers, loyal and patient
Tenma : and they value fair play more than anything!
Tenma : kyousuke deserves to be surrounded by cheerful and friendly people!
Yuuichi : I can understand why Kyousuke would belong to the other houses, but I also believe Hufflepuff represents the man he is now best.
Yuuichi : His younger self was undeniably a Gryffindor, excitable and daredevil. And a fair share of bravery and recklessness, for sure !
Yuuichi : But as time passed, I think his hard-working nature, his loyalty and his dedication grew to symbolize him better.
Midori : no ones denying that
Midori : but lets face it
Midori : tsurugi is nothing but a foolhardy impulsive chivalrous dummy
Midori : hed rush in head and hair first into a bonfire and dive feet first from a waterfall as a challenge
Midori : plus
Midori : hes a main character
Minaho : Time to hop onto our second option.
Ichino : Oh
Ichino : I see
Ichino : @Tsurugi Do you mind taking the Sorting Hat Ceremony?
Ichino : Here
Ichino : *link*
Tsurugi : I’ll be right back
Taiyou : to be honest
Taiyou : everyone in raimon has underlying gryffindor vibes
Taiyou : the daredevilest team out there
Taiyou : ready to jump into the fray and into the death
Ichino : I won’t deny it
Ichino : I won’t confirm it
Kirino : No one will deny it
Kirino : I confirm it for everyone
Kita : on the other side most Seeds have Slytherin on their resume
Kita : so that'd work for Tsurugi
Miyabino : It does fit the role of Seeds. Pride and all.
Akane : Ichino !
Akane : I’m offended !
Akane : How could you talk about Harry Potter without me !
Akane : Hmph !
Akane : I am pouting.
Ichino : Sorry sorry!
Ichino : I was just supposed to ask something to Minaho and Kurosaki
Ichino : We got off track
Ichino : I was planning on sending you the list once it was done
Ichino : I’m almost done with Patronus spreadsheet
Ichino : You can scroll up the full conversation
Ichino : Promise
Akane : Ok. I read it.
Akane : More Ravenclaw comrades for us !~~
Ichino : Yep!
Akane : By the way, I’m almost done with the banners.~~
Ichino : Awesome!
Hamano : i want to see the list too! -3-
Midori : you were there during the debacle
Hamano : i still want to stay
Hamano : can i stay?
Minaho : Sure.
Minaho : Shall Earth Eleven follow ?
Minaho : Here is my sorting ceremony !
Minaho : Muggle: Minori
Minaho : Gryffindor: Manabe, Tetsukado, Zanakurou, Minori
Minaho : Ravenclaw: Minaho
Minaho : Slytherin: Ibuki, Sakura, Matatagi
Minaho : Hufflepuff: Konoha, Kusaka
Minaho : To assort ourselves, I took the liberty to write Earth Eleven as animaguses !
Hamano : so you can turn into animals?
Akane : Perfect !~~
Ibuki : man
Ibuki : people would be so confused about us
Ibuki : theyd wonder why the fuck kusakas in hufflepuff
Ibuki : be fucking confused about matatagi in slytherin
Ibuki : but sakura in slytherin and manabe in gryffindor?
Ibuki : thats perfect
Ibuki : people screaming heresy cause shed got the face of a hufflepuff
Ibuki : and because theres a nerd in the golden house
Sakura : zanakurou in gryffindor is so good!
Sakura : red and gold lion!
Tetsukado : handsome and gallant!
Tenma : a noble gentleman!
Zanakurou : My heart is aflutter under your vibrant words !
Miyabino : It’s a shame Manabe can’t be in Hufflepuff.
Konoha : he could
Konoha : its just that its not his most fitting house
Yukimura : same for matatagi
Konoha : Matatagi’s Soul is a peregrine falcon
Konoha : not an eagle
Konoha : but i can see what you mean
Konoha : a lot of us could go in different houses
Minaho : Many of us possess dispositions to different houses.
Minaho : I myself share similarities with those of Gryffindor while Manabe’s inclination towards Ravenclaw cannot be ignored.
Minaho : Yourself, Konoha, has a spirit Gryffindor would not reject.
Konoha : that’s nice
Konoha : but i like Hufflepuff
Kusaka : its a place with plants and animals
Kusaka : right?
Kusaka : its nice!
Matatagi : honestly
Matatagi : potomuri being sorted instead of minori sounds like terrific stuff
Minori : why?
Minori : oh
Minori : nevermind i get it
Minori : hell yeah
Minori : thatd be hilarious
Minori : and traumatizing for the rest of the student body
Minori : potomuri gets me in ravenclaw
Minori : then i wake up
Minori : the blue bronze birds aint ready for me
Minori : damn
Minori : and your fakeass self
Minori : “mhhh i cant see why matatagis a slytherin”
Minori : “hes nice and a pushover”
Minori : two weeks later
Minori : mr nightmare in the spotlight
Minori : “hello there”
Minori : “werent expecting it, didya?”
Matatagi : exactly
Matatagi : watch me traumatizing the snakes
Hamano : resis and the captains next!
Senguuji : @Kurosaki Please share your wisdom.
Kurosaki : Fairly well.
Kurosaki : Gryffindor: Taiyou, Kita, Yukimura
Kurosaki : Ravenclaw: Miyabino, Hyoudou, Kurosaki
Kurosaki : Slytherin: Hakuryuu, Senguuji, Mahoro, Namikawa
Kurosaki : Hufflepuff: Kishibe
Kurosaki : I emit doubt towards the presence of a Muggle among us.
Amagi : i dont agree
Amagi : mahoro is a hufflepuff
Amagi : with me and hikaru
Mahoro : I saw myself rather as a Ravenclaw.
Kurama : personally
Kurama : id put him in gryffindor
Mahoro : Should I ?
Minaho : Please do.
Yukimura : gryffindor?
Yukimura : cool
Kariya : id have said slytherin honestly
Aoyama : @Yukimura Go my child
Yukimura : k
Kariya : theres so little hufflepuff in the captains
Kariya : cant you be kind?
Hakuryuu : Where’s the fun?
Kariya : not wrong
Namikawa : cant fight the pride and the true leader spirit!
Kariya : same
Kariya : almost no ravenclaw in earth eleven
Ibuki : were all dumb
Sakura : dummies thats us
Matatagi : shindou and minaho have some braincells but not much
Tsurugi : I’m back
Yukimura : same
Mahoro : As I am.
Aoyama : So?
Tsurugi : Gryffindor
Aoyama : Majority wins this time
Yukimura : made the test twice for fun
Yukimura : ravenclaw and slytherin
Minaho : Interesting.
Mahoro : Hufflepuff.
Amagi : HAHA
Amagi : I WAS RIGHT ALL OF YOU
Amagi : THATS MY BEST FRIEND FOR YA
Kariya : @Tsurugi you sure took your time
Tsurugi : I got carried away
Tsurugi : I did the test but I got curious afterwards so I tried the Patronus
Aoyama : spill
Ibuki : spill
Hamano : spill
Sakura : tell us
Midori : share the deeds
Ichino : Before he reveals
Ichino : Just to be sure
Ichino : @Yuuichi Are you a Hufflepuff?
Yuuichi : Is it a good question. I am not sure which house I should be in.
Yuuichi : Given my situation, I would probably be a Muggle.
Tsurugi : Yes
Tsurugi : He’s a Hufflepuff
Shindou : His sense of justice and loyalty is unprecedented.
Shinsuke : hes nice and close to people!
Sangoku : I suppose everyone agree, then?
Tenma : i think hes a gryffindor
Kurama : tenma
Kurama : please
Kurama : cant you agree with your team for once?
Tenma : no?
Tenma : hufflepuff is good for yuuichi but i think hes more of a gryffindor
Yuuichi : Is that so ?
Kishibe : Why not a Ravenclaw?
Taiyou : it could work
Kirino : Please no
Kirino : Tell me were not starting a Tsurugi debacle 2.0
Yuuichi : Should I take the test ?
Ichino : Please
Ichino : Can you do the Patronus test too?
Yuuichi : Alright.
Aoyama : Ok now
Aoyama : @Tsurugi
Tsurugi : Please don’t laugh too hard
Tsurugi : Actually you can, I don’t mind
Tsurugi : But please don’t judge my result
Tenma : were not going to laugh
Tenma : im scolding anyone who does
Tenma : >:(
Ibuki : i felt real fear
Tsurugi : You should
Shinsuke : you should
Aoi : You should.
Tsurugi : I got a unicorn
Aoyama : Holy shit?
Kurosaki : It is an extremely rare Patronus !
Minaho : Incredible !
Ichino : Tsurugi
Ichino : Thank you for proving me people could actually get them
Ichino : I though it was myth
Tsurugi : What really?
Kirino : Do you think people summon unicorns on the daily?
Tsurugi : I don't know?
Tsurugi : My boyfriend’s a pegasus, what do you want me to think?
Tsurugi : That I wouldn’t get a horse?
Tsurugi : I was expecting to get compared to a cat again
Tsurugi : Are there cats in your test?
Ichino : Let me check
Ichino : A dozen or so
Tsurugi : See?
Tsurugi : I’m only surprised I didn’t get that
Tenma : :DDD
Tenma : kyousuke
Tenma : we match!!!
Tenma : unicorn and pegasus!
Tsurugi : You’re right
Tsurugi : We match
Tsurugi : :)
Tenma : :D
Yuuichi : I am done with the sorting.
Yuuichi : I think I have great results !
Minaho : Is it ?
Minaho : Then, do not hesitate to bring up the suspense !
Yuuichi : Do I have too ?
Taiyou : of course
Akane : Of course !~~
Yuuichi : For my house, I am…
Taiyou : *drumrolls*
Yuuichi : A Hufflepuff !
Shinsuke : *photo*
[ Tsurugi doing a fist pump, clearly smug about being right. ]
Taiyou : thank you shinsuke for your great reflexes
Yuuichi : And for my Patronus…
Taiyou : *drumrolls*
Yuuichi : I had…
Taiyou : *drumrolls*
Taiyou : *drumrolls*
Taiyou : *drumrolls*
Hamano : *drumrolls*
Yuuichi : A wolf !
Taiyou : NO WAY
Kariya : HOLY FLICK
Yuuichi : @Tsurugi I have a wolf !
Tsurugi : No way
Yuuichi : Yes way !
Yuuichi : I am so happy about this result !
Yuuichi : I can proudly say Kyousuke is watching over me, even in another universe !
Tenma : im doing the test too
Tenma : i want to have a wolf too!
Tenma : or a dog!
Shinsuke : or maybe a unicorn like tsurugi!
Hamano : i wanna do mine too!
Hamano : lets do the test!
Tenma : yay!
Shinsuke : yeah!
Notes:
Know that all those who had to pass the Sorting passed the Sorting. Know that all the Patronuses and wands were genuinely decided through the official test. I even made a Patronus spreadsheet so I could have all the time in the world to think about what each character would choose on instinct (the real test is time-limited).
Yes, luck bestowed Tsurugi a unicorn and Yuuichi a wolf.End recap, GO cast :
Gryffindor : Tenma, Tsurugi, Shinsuke, Midori, Nishiki, Kurumada, Manabe, Tetsukado, Zanakurou, Minori, Taiyou, Namikawa, Kita
Ravenclaw : Shindou, Kirino, Akane, Aoyama, Ichino, Minaho, Miyabino, Hyoudou, Kurosaki, Yukimura
Slytherin : Kurama, Minamisawa, Ibuki, Sakura, Matatagi, Hakuryuu, Senguuji
Hufflepuff : Aoi, Hikaru, Kariya, Hamano, Hayami, Amagi, Sangoku, Konoha, Kusaka, Kishibe, Mahoro, Yuuichi
Not written in the Corner : Shuu (Slytherin with Ravenclaw inclinations), Taki Sousuke (Slytherin), Taki Yoshihiko (Gryffindor), Mikado Haruma (Gryffindor)End recap, CS cast (even if they aren’t mentioned here) :
Gryffindor : Kinako (leaning on Hufflepuff), Fei, Tobu/Torb, Wandaba
Ravenclaw : Asurei, Meia, Giris, Dr Aruno
Slytherin : Saryuu (with Gryffindor vibes), Beta, Gamma
Hufflepuff : Alpha (with Ravenclaw inclinations)
Not in any house : Zanark (a secret fifth thing)I did a bunch of Patronus tests (two for some characters) for fun so if you’re curious about my results :
Tsurugi : Unicorn (go and be a legendary creature, big blueberry)
Hakuryuu : Sphynx Cat or Capuchin Monkey (be full of will, vanilla ice cream)
Ichino : Doe/Stag (randomly determined) or Lynx (kind of fancy and mysterious but also a bit silly, we like that for him)
Aoyama : Hummingbird or Pheasant (small and living life at 1000 mph, we like that of him)
Tenma : Blackbird or Wildcat (small, not necessarily domesticated, we love him anyway)
Endou : Dolphin (well, that's a wrap, what can I say)
Shindou : Osprey (will await your demise and dance on your remains)
Minaho : Vole (tiny, smart, cheeky, everywhere, unkillable)
Kurosaki : Stoat or Rottweiler (mmh, quite lavish)
Yuuichi : Wolf (good to know genetics extends to siblings)
Konoha : Swift or Badger (good for her, good for her)
Fei : Brown Hare (this is not even a joke, I swear I got that)
Kinako : Siberian Cat (pretty, hides a lot of secrets in this fur)
Saryuu : Brown Bear (not a monkey, but big and can kill you nonetheless)
Matatagi : Dragonfly or King Cobra (that's actually extremely cool)Fun fact : Upon looking at the sheet, Shindou was one answer away from having the same Patronus as Tenma (Hummingbird) and Kurosaki’s from being as Shindou’s (Osprey).
Fun fact+ : From the answers associated with his choices, Yuuichi having a wolf is only because of luck and absolutely nothing else. In any other circumstances, he would get another Patronus (like a St Bernard).
Fun fact++ : I don’t think I could ever make Earth Eleven get their Soul as a Patronus, even with willpower (if said Souls even exist as Patronuses).
Fun fact+++ : Saryuu and Fei are one answer away from having each other’s Patronus (Brown Hare and Brown Bear).If you want to pass the “real” test, the website address is https://www.wizardingworld.com. This one needs you to create an account on it.
For those who wish not to give their email address, I found a site which has all the different tests with their variants (full or extended…) and even has the fated, deleted Ilvermorny sorting: Here : http://wizardmore.com!If you want to share your results, let’s laugh together at our matching! In the same way, don’t hesitate to tell me what you think and what you personally think of the list (my sib, for instance, disagreed and still disagrees with more attributions than I expected).
Here is a live caption of me thinking about what each characters would be likely to answer :
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