Chapter Text
I might hate myself tomorrow,
But I'm on my way tonight.
At the bottom of a bottle,
You're the poison in the wine.
And I know,
I can't change you, and I,
I won't change.
I might hate myself tomorrow,
But I'm on my way tonight.
Let's be lonely together.
The party went on until all the kids started to get tired. Matt and Kristy decided it made more sense for the kids to stay the night as they were all close to passing out by the time all the fun was over.
As much as Spencer loved being with his daughters, he was kind of glad for the impromptu slumber party.
With Taco asleep in the back seat he drove home wearily.
He was tired and he was angry. How dare Luke place the blame on Spencer for what Maeve did. He didn’t push her into Bobby’s arms, it was all her own doing. Spencer was a devoted husband and father, and for Luke to suggest her affair was his fault made his blood boil.
Luke didn’t know shit. Just because his ex cheated on him, didn’t mean he was suddenly an expert at affairs.
Luke had no idea what it took to be a husband and a father. He had no idea the trials and tribulations that Spencer faced on a daily basis.
He was a great father and he tried to be a great husband too. He also tried to be a great FBI agent.
Maybe it was possible juggling so many plates had led to him dropping one on occasion. But nothing he may or or may not have done could have excused Maeve’s cheating.
And it wasn’t as though it was just once. If it had been just one time, things might have been different and he might have seen past it for the sake of his kids.
But for three fucking years she carried on a secret life. She left Spencer home with two young kids while she spent time between the sheets with another man.
At any point in those three years she could have come clean and she chose not to. She put Bobby before their kids, before their life together.
Nothing Spencer could have ever done would excuse her carrying on with another man behind his back for three goddamn years.
He couldn’t believe Luke had the audacity to suggest otherwise.
He was seething by the time he arrived home and after feeding Taco, he was climbing the walls.
He couldn’t be in this house. This house was built on a foundation of lies and infidelity. This house that Maeve had chosen and was paid for by his hard earned government money for them to grow old in.
She’d fawned over this goddamn house the first time they went to see it. Spencer thought it was too large, too suburban. Yes it was closer to Quantico and would cut his commute by more than half. But DC was vibrant, exciting. The Virginia suburbs were dull.
He’d argued they didn’t need the fourth bedroom and the extra money spent on such was pointless.
She’d countered that it would be useful to have a guest room for friends or family to stay over, which had never once happened since they bought the house six years ago.
He knew why she really wanted the extra room even though she didn’t say it out loud.
Maeve had wanted a third kid even though Lily was barely one at the time. She wanted the extra room for when they decided, or more likely, when she decided they were ready for a third child.
Spencer didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want a fight. He didn’t want to incite the argument that he did not want any more children.
Two was plenty. He knew Maeve wanted a little boy and she’d hoped Lily would be such. But Spencer wasn’t willing to keep bringing children into the world in the hopes one of them might be male.
He planned to cross that bridge another time. He intended to save that argument for a later date that never came. It never came because she met Bobby and became too distracted by her affair to think about having a third child.
Admittedly, he liked his office. Spencer’s office in his apartment hadn’t been its own room, it was just stuffed into the corner of his living room.
But at least here he had his own room where he could escape to grade papers and sometimes just read a book in peace.
It was his fortress of solitude. And the only part about this goddamn house he actually liked.
He’d considered moving, briefly. It was handy when he’d still worked at the FBI but the drive to Georgetown everyday was exhausting.
But the girls' school was nearby and they had friends in the neighbourhood. The last thing he wanted was to tear them away from their friends.
So he stayed in the house he’d never cared for, for them. But right now it felt like a prison cell.
Not giving a second thought to the chaos Taco could cause if he left him alone, Spencer fled the house again.
He found a bar and took shot after shot of near Bourbon, necking them back like they were going out of style.
It didn’t do much to stem his anger. He still felt it coursing through his veins like blood. In fact each shot made him somehow feel more on edge.
He didn’t feel himself getting drunk but he must have been because he didn’t have any recollection of leaving the bar.
One minute he’d been leaning against the solid wood bar, downing one last shot of Bourbon and the next he was being smacked in the face by a cool breeze as he stumbled about on the sidewalk.
He didn’t make a conscious decision as to where was going next, his feet moved without much of his brains say so.
He found himself in the back seat of a cab with no memory of where he was going. And before he knew it, he was outside of a familiar apartment building.
His eyes were slightly blurry and his head was hazy and suddenly he found himself looking into your sleepy eyes.
“Spencer? What are you doing here?” You rubbed your eyes.
That was a good question. What was he doing here?
“Need you. Just…need you.” He pushed you back inside and kissed you forcibly.
You could taste the alcohol on his tongue and you’d heard the slur of his voice.
Thankfully your roommates were already sleeping but concerned about waking them up, you pulled away from his lips and led him to your room.
As soon as the door was closed he was kissing you again and you had to tear him off of you.
“Spencer, stop. You’re drunk.” You frowned at him.
“So?” He scoffed, stumbling a little on his feet.
“Why are you here? Where are your kids?” You folded your arms over your chest to try and shield yourself from him
“Sleepover.” He lunged at you and gripped you roughly by the shoulders, trying to guide you back towards your bed but you in his state, you were stronger than him.
“Stop it.” You pushed him backwards and watched him stumble a little. “I don’t want you like this.”
His eyes suddenly turned dark, almost black, as he glared at you.
“You wanted me to fuck you over my desk the other day.” He spat. “You’re always so desperate for me. Now’s not the time to be a cock tease, Y/N.”
Your eyes grew wide at his words and his slightly aggressive tone.
“Don’t talk to me like that.” You growled at him. “You don’t get to just show up here drunk in the middle of the night and have the nerve to get annoyed when I shoot you down.”
He rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath.
“Look,‘I’m not really in the mood for games, ok? So just get on the bed, part those pretty little legs and let me fuck you.”
It wasn’t particularly a surprise that your hand suddenly collided with the side of his face in a hard slap. The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed around your room.
Spencer didn’t even seem to register it.
“Never talk to me like that again.” You shoved him by the shoulders, watching him stumble again. “What kind of woman do you think I am? Am I just some piece of ass to you? Because I’m not looking to be someone’s booty call. So if that’s all you want from me, then maybe this was a bad idea.”
He chuckled dryly, his eyes somehow turning darker.
“You fucked me on our first date. I know exactly what kind of woman you are.” He smirked at you dangerously, it made your stomach turn.
“Wow.” You swallowed a lump on your throat at a loss for words. . “Just wow.”
“We both know that this night is going to end with you on your back and my cock inside of you so let’s get on with it, shall we?” He made a move to start unbuckling his belt but you slapped him again, harder than before.
“Get out!” You raised your voice, half hoping you might wake someone up in case he got carried away. “Get out of my apartment right now, Spencer!”
“Is this the chase you were talking about? You want me to-“
“GET OUT!” You screamed, shoving him again.
Spencer rolled his eyes as he stumbled backwards.
“Jeez alright, I’m going. This hot and cold thing isn’t as sexy as you think it is.” He received a final slap and his face was surely going to hurt tomorrow.
You practically threw him out by the collar of his shirt, slamming the door heavily behind him.
You fell back against the door as tears instantly escaped your eyes like a damn had burst.
You clutched your chest as you sobbed quietly.
Spencer had come across as such a nice guy. He’d seemed sweet and charming and a little vulnerable.
How could you have been so wrong about him? How could you have been so stupid as to let yourself start to fall for him so quickly when you barely knew him?
He wasn’t the man you thought he was. He’d only cared about getting you into bed and you’d made it so easy for him.
He’d used you and you felt like an absolute idiot.
You heard movement from one of your roommates and you hurriedly shuffled back into your room before someone found you like this.
You’d been through your share of asshole men and you’d promised yourself never again.
You wiped your eyes dramatically on your sleeves and forced yourself to stop crying. You were not shedding anymore tears over bastards so who didn’t deserve them.
Fuck Spencer Reid. Fuck Spencer Reid and his stupid pretty face. Fuck Spencer Reid and his faux charming personality. Fuck Spencer Reid and his amazing sex.
Fuck Spencer fucking Reid.
***
The next thing Spencer was really conscious of was letting himself in the house.
A couch cushion laid in tatters on the floor, it’s stuffing strewn across the carpet.
Along with it were the remains of one Spencer’s cardigans torn to shreds.
Taco sat amongst the destruction, a dopey smile on his ugly face.
“You're a goddamn asshole.” He slurred at the dog as he stormed past him.
He vaguely heard the mutt following him upstairs but he ignored him.
He dragged himself to bed where he fell down to the mattress, not even undressing before he passed out.
***
Memories from the previous night played on a loop like an old movie in front of his closed eyes.
Images of your face and the combination of fear and anger he’d instilled in you.
As thoughts of the way you’d had to slap him several times came to mind he became aware of a dull ache in the side of his face.
Recollections of the things he’d said, the horrible way in which he’d spoken to you made him feel sick.
His body was flooded with remorse. What the hell had he been playing at?
He groaned to himself, squeezing his eyes tightly shut feeling the world's biggest asshole.
“What have I done? Fuck, what have I done?” He groaned and then he felt something wet on his face.
He opened his eyes, blinking a few times to adjust the way the sun was invading the room through the open curtains.
He rubbed his eyes and felt the wetness again.
When he finally managed to focus he was face to face with a mangy dog and his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth.
“Gross.” He groaned again. “What are you doing here?”
He noticed his arm was slung around the dog, cuddling the scruffy mutt him close to his body. He quickly let him go and pushed him away.
“You have your own bed.” Spencer mumbled, pushing himself up on his elbows.
His head throbbed wildly and his eyes were still struggling to focus more than a few feet in front of him.
He took in the pink walls that surrounded him. The small dollhouse in the corner and stuffed bears lining shelves on the walls.
He inspected the bed he was laying in. It wasn’t his large, plush king size. It was a small single that he was practically hanging over the edge of.
And there was a stuffed otter next to the pillow.
“Looks like we both slept in the wrong bed. I’ll let it slide this once.” He told the creature who couldn't understand him as he stumbled out of Lily’s bed.
His head was pounding. Throbbing really. He rubbed his temples as Taco raced him to the door.
“Let me…Advil. Then food. Ok?” He stared at the dog and then rolled his eyes. “I’m talking to a fucking dog.”
He stepped over the small dog and stumbled to the bathroom where he located the Advil and popped two in his mouth.
Every time he closed his eyes he saw the way you looked at him last night and it made his stomach turn.
He needed to call you. He needed to make this up to you somehow. Was there even a way to make this better? He’d really fucked this up.
He opened his eyes and caught his haggard reflection in the mirror over the sink.
He hadn’t realised how old he looked. It had probably been a gradual thing, something that took place slowly over the years, spurred on by a messy divorce and two kids.
But he’d never noticed it before. For years he’d had such a baby face, people always mistaking him for being much younger than he really was.
Somewhere along the way that stopped happening. Somewhere over the years he’d started looking his age.
But now he looked old beyond his years.
The hazel eyes that stared back at him from the mirror were not the same ones he recognised as belonging to him. Despite the gold flecks around the irises he knew to be his, he felt as though he was staring at a stranger.
Before he could spiral too far into his guilt, Taco started whining from somewhere in the house.
He rolled his tired eyes, pushing himself away from the sink. Calling you would have to wait.
He was unsteady on his feet as he made his way downstairs and was welcomed by the stuffing and fabric shreds of the couch cushion and his cardigan from Taco’s protest of being left alone last night.
“God-fucking-damnit dog.” He grumbled, giving the dog a stern look he didn’t understand before heading to the kitchen.
Taco bounded after him and sat by his food bowl in excited anticipation for food.
Spencer felt a vibration in his pocket and realised his phone was still hidden inside.
Pulling out the device and squinting a little at the bright display, he noticed a series of text messages waiting for him.
He leant against the kitchen counter and opened the unread messages one at a time.
📱 Luke Alvez: hey man, I’m really sorry if I upset you, it wasn’t my intention. I thought I was helping but I guess I wasn’t. I hope you’re ok.
📱 Luke Alvez: are we ok? Please text me back man.
📱 David Rossi: you ran off like you’d seen a ghost kid, are you ok?
📱 JJ: Luke told me what happened, are you ok? I know he didn’t mean to upset you. Hope you’re ok ❤️
📱 Luke Alvez: I’m hoping you’ve calmed down now you’ve had a chance to sleep it off. Can we talk?
📱 Matt Simmons: I’ll be by to drop the girls off around ten. See you soon.
Spencer glanced at the time. It was just past nine thirty.
“Fuck.” He muttered. He still stank of booze and he couldn’t let his kids see him in this state.
He hurriedly fed the dog and cleared up the destruction in the living room before jumping in the shower.
He scrubbed his hair and body violently to rid the smell of alcohol from his pores. After his vicious shower he brushed his teeth with nearly half a tube of paste.
He was barely dressed in clean clothes when the doorbell sounded.
Taco immediately started yapping at the sound, scratching at the wooden door like his life depended on it.
Spencer picked the bundle of annoyance up in his arms as he opened the door.
Matt smiled at him from the doorstep as Lily ran to cuddle Spencer, instantly getting distracted by Taco and grabbing the dog from her fathers arms.
“Taco, I missed you!” She beamed.
“What about me?” Spencer frowned.
“Missed you too, daddy!”
Daisy skulked in behind her sister, giving Spencer the same look she’d given him last night.
“Did you have fun, pumpkin?” He asked her as she passed him.
He got no more than a shrug in response.
“Thanks for having them.” Spencer turned back to Matt.
“They were angels.” Matt shrugged. “Daisy’s been asking questions. About what you said.”
“I figured as much.” Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll talk to her.”
Matt glanced over his shoulder to where Lily was cooing over the dog whose tail was wagging frantically.
“That dog is creepy.” Matt laughed.
“Tell me about it.” Spencer agreed. “Thanks again. And thank Kristy for me.”
“No problem man. See you soon.” Matt patted Spencer’s shoulder before heading back down the front steps.
Spencer turned to his girls, one of which seemed to be in much higher spirits than the other.
Lily was fussing over the dog who was on his back so the girl could give him belly scratches. His stupidly long tongue hung out of his mouth as Lily giggled in delight.
Daisy had already disappeared upstairs without a word.
He knew it was inevitable he would have to have a conversation with Daisy about what she’d heard. And he knew there was only one way he would be able to do it.
As much as he loathed the thought, it had to be done.
While Lily was busy playing with Taco and Daisy was upstairs sulking, he pulled out his phone and dialled the number he despised calling.
She was going to kill him for this. But he couldn’t explain to a thirteen year old what an affair was without the woman who was an expert in them.
***
Maeve had been annoyed at Spencer for the way he’d blurted out about her affair in front of their children.
They’d argued on the phone for a long time before she’d agreed to come over that evening.
Admittedly she had been at least a little impressed he’d reached out to her for help. Spencer had not asked her help once in the past year. Maybe he was growing as a person.
He’d told her she had no right to be angry at him when she was the one who had the affair. They’d agreed when they separated that the kids didn’t need to know why their mom was moving out. But secrets always did find a way of coming out.
When the kids asked, they’d told them that parents fall out of love sometimes. It wasn’t a complete lie.
But now they were going to have to face their thirteen year old daughter who was much smarter than the average kid her age thanks to her fathers genes.
Bobby had taken Lily for ice cream and Maeve found herself back in her family home for the first time in over a year.
It hadn’t changed. Spencer hadn’t changed a single thing since she’d left. She wasn’t entirely surprised, but she found it a little sad.
She assumed with the anger he held towards her he would have instantly obliterated anything that reminded him of her. Maybe the rest of the house was different, but the living room was exactly the same.
“Explain to me again.” Maeve frowned at the skinny pile of hair rolling around on the rug. “How this is a dog?”
The two of them sat at opposite ends of the couch, creating as much distance between them as was possible.
Having Maeve in the house had caused the air in his home to feel thicker. He felt tense and on edge with her presence here.
This wasn’t her home and hadn’t been for a long time and Spencer didn’t feel comfortable having her back here.
The day he kicked her out he swore to himself she would never step foot in this house again.
But his kids came before his unwillingness to have her in the house.
“According to the vet it is, but I do have my doubts.” Spencer shrugged, focusing on Taco and not even so much as glancing at her.
“And the girls like him?” Her voice was thick with skepticism.
“The girls love him.” Spencer chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying not to dwell on the fact he was talking to his ex-wife on her ex-couch.
It was probably the only conversation they’d had in the past year that was even akin to civil.
“He’s kind of gross.” Maeve looked him over a few times. “Cute face I suppose but mostly gross.”
“He’s…different, that's for sure. But the girls are happy.” In that moment Spencer was so thankful for the dog because if it wasn’t for him then he and Maeve would be sitting in very awkward silence.
Or they would be arguing.
In fact, they definitely would have been arguing.
Turns out that mangy stray dogs are good for something after all.
“He doesn’t have diseases does he?” Maeve pulled a face and he saw her looking at him out of the corner of his eye.
He snapped his head to look at her, a deep frown on his features.
It was so easy for a conversation to go south with Maeve. She made it so easy to hate her.
“You think I’d let a disease riddled dog in my home around my children? He was checked out by the vet, given multiple vaccinations. He’s just…scruffy.” He managed to keep his voice level but he felt the anger bubbling in his chest.
“That’s one word for him.” Maeve scoffed.
Clenching his jaw so he wouldn’t say anything to start a fight, he craned his neck towards the door.
“Daisy!” Spencer called up for the third time, unable to spend another minute playing nice with his ex-wife. “Daisy! Seriously, can you come down here, please?”
“I’m busy!” She called back. She’d been avoiding him all day.
“You’re thirteen, you aren’t busy. Downstairs. Now!”
He heard a loud huff followed by heavy footsteps on the landing and then the stairs.
Her eyes landed straight on Spencer and they were rimmed from crying. That made his indignation towards Maeve grow tenfold.
His little girl, his beautiful first born daughter had been crying because she’d discovered what an absolute bitch her mother was.
It tore Spencer’s heart in two and if it weren't for the fact Daisy was standing right there he would have gone postal on Maeve.
“God dad, what do you…” she trailed off her eyes flirting over to the other person on the couch. “Mom, what are you…oh.”
Realisation dawned on Daisy features. She really was too smart for her own good. She knew exactly why her mom was here.
“Sit down sweetie, we want to talk to you.” Maeve motioned for Daisy to come and sit between them on the couch.
She didn’t. Instead she padded over to Taco, pulled the bundle of fur into her arms and flopped into the armchair.
“I like your dog.” Maeve smiled at her eldest daughter.
“His name is Taco.” She hugged the bundle of fur closer to her.
“Let me guess, Lily named him?” Maeve chuckled.
Daisy simply nodded.
“I don’t need to talk about what I heard dad saying to uncle Luke.” Daisy told them, not making eye contact with either of them.
“You might not need to, pumpkin, but we do.” Spencer leant his elbows on his knees, feeling both rage and hurt crashing through him.
“I know what an affair is.” Daisy squeezed the dog with her good arm but if he minded he didn’t complain. “You cheated on dad. You had sex with another man while you were married.”
Spencer’s stomach coiled into knots. Nothing could have ever prepared him for hearing his daughter say sex. It made his stomach coil into knots.
Maeve glanced at Spencer as though subconsciously trying to decide who would speak.
Spencer would be damned if he was going to be the one to explain what Maeve had done.
Maeve sighed before looking back at her daughter.
“Sometimes mommy’s and daddy’s fall out of love, sweetheart.” She said, the exact same way she did when they first separated. “Mommy made some bad decisions. I had an affair. With Bobby. It was stupid and selfish of me and I hate myself for it. But your dad and I weren’t happy. It’s not an excuse but it’s the truth.”
Spencer jaw clenched hard, the sound of his teeth grinding together filling his ears.
Was that true? Weren’t they happy? Spencer had thought they were, at least he’d thought they were something close to happy. Did that make him completely foolish for thinking?
He hadn’t known Maeve wasn’t happy, she’s never said anything, he’d never seen the signs.
By the time she started her affair they were in a rhythm. Lily was three and Daisy was nine. Spencer was home more with his job at Georgetown and they’d found their groove.
Or so he’d thought.
Maeve had never once suggested she wasn’t happy. So it was news to Spencer to hear otherwise.
“How could you do that to dad?” Daisy sniffed against Taco’s matted fur.
Spencer wanted an answer to that too, he’d wanted an answer to that for the past year.
He wanted to let Maeve answer that, explain to him and their child how she could have torn their family apart the way she did.
He’d waited for an explanation for that for a long time.
But right now wasn’t the right moment. As much as he needed answers, right now he and Maeve needed to be on the same side for Daisy’s sake.
“Adults make mistakes, pumpkin.” Spencer spoke softly. “And sometimes they are big, earth shattering mistakes.”
Like cheating on your husband. Or showing up drunk at the home of the woman you're seeing and trying to force her into bed.
“You can’t be ok with this.” A few tears rolled down her cheeks and Spencer was out of his seat in a flash and dropping to his knees in front of his daughter.
His heart was shattering. There was nothing in the whole world worse than seeing your child cry. Each tear that seared down her cheek felt like another piece of his heart crumbling away.
He had to ignore his instinctive hatred for Maeve for Daisy’s well-being. He had to push all his resentment aside so he could comfort his eldest daughter.
This wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about Maeve. It was bigger than them both.
He took a deep breath, tried to swallow down his anguish, and then he spoke as calmly as he could muster.
“I was mad at your mom for a really long time. But she made a mistake. She’s been punished enough, baby.” He cupped her face gently in his hands and wiped at her tear stains with the pads of his thumbs.
Her body wracked with sobs and Spencer wanted to kill Maeve at that moment. He had never despised his ex-wife more than he did right then.
“How can you be ok with this? She hurt you! She’s the reason you got divorced!” Daisy wailed, wriggling free of Spencer’s hold on her face and using the dog as a barrier between them.
“We have to pick and choose our battles sweetheart. Sometimes a fight is just not worth having. Your mom is sorry for what she did. And I’ve accepted that. Do you think you can?” It was killing Spencer to defend Maeve.
Maeve didn’t deserve his support. He thought Daisy was probably smart enough to see right through him and his fake endorsement of her mother.
Daisy shook her head violently and suddenly tossed the dog on the floor where he somehow stuck the landing although he looked very surprised by the sudden movement.
She jumped to her feet, nearly knocking Spencer over in the process and he stumbled a little, pushing himself back up.
“No. No. I can’t forgive you for this.” She glared at Maeve. “You left us. You left us because of Bobby! You hurt dad and that’s not fair!”
She dashed past Spencer and stormed loudly upstairs. Seconds later the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut reverberated around the house.
Maeve’s eyes welled with tears which she was quick to wipe away before Spencer noticed them.
She stood up from the couch and moved a little closer to him. He was still staring at the living room door in the wake of his daughter's sudden departure.
“Thanks for having my back.” She choked out.
Spencer spun away from the door and glared at her, his detest for her pouring from his eyes and stabbing her like daggers.
“I didn’t do it for you.” He spat as though the words were poison on his tongue. “I didn’t mean any of that. I was trying to make sure our daughter didn’t hate you the way I do. But to be perfectly honest, you deserve it.”
Maeve chewed on her lip, trying to remain calm and ignite a fight.
“Spencer, please,” she sniffed.
“Get out of my house.” He turned his back on her again, not wanting to look at her let alone have her in his home.
“It’s my house too.” She snapped, unable to keep the annoyance from her voice.
“It has not been your home since you signed the divorce papers. This is my house. And that’s my kid up there in pieces because she now knows what a fucking whore her mother is!”
Maeve suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder somewhat roughly and spun him around to face her.
“If you hadn't opened your big mouth then she wouldn’t be in pieces.” She couldn’t disguise the venom in her tone.
“Don’t you dare put this on me.” He spat, anger flooding through his veins. “You’re the one who cheated Maeve. I kept your sordid little secret from them to protect you but you don’t deserve protecting. I hope Daisy hates you. It’s what you deserve!”
“If you hadn’t been such a shitty husband I wouldn’t have had to look elsewhere!” Maeve raised her voice, the words leaving her mouth before she had a chance to stop them.
That almost pushed Spencer to breaking point. It was almost enough to drive him over the edge, past the point of no return.
His fist clenched and unclenched are his sides, trying to reel himself back in before he crossed the line and said something he would never recover from.
He wasn’t going to allow her to break him.
“If I was such a shitty husband you could have had the decency to leave. You should have walked away. But instead you spread your legs for the first man who looked your way.” It was the nicest he could be given the situation. There were much more nasty things he could have said and he was almost proud of himself for refraining.
“It wasn’t like that!” Maeve scoffed. “Don’t think I wish it had been different? Don’t you think I could have just left so easily? We had to think about the kids!”
“Oh so you were thinking about the girls when you fucked another man for three years? While I was at home with them, feeding them and bathing them and keeping them alive, you were thinking about them?” He knew Daisy would inevitably be able to hear them yelling but he couldn’t help himself.
He was livid. He was seething. He’d bottled this up for a year and he couldn’t contain himself any longer.
“The last thing I wanted to do was tear our family apart, Spencer. But I'd be damned if I was going to spend my life with a man who resented me!”
“I never said I resented you.”
“You didn’t need to say it! Your facial expression and your demeanour towards me told me more than your words ever could. You only married me because I fell pregnant and you resented me for that. We were drunk and we forgot to use protection but you’re just as liable for that as I am.” She lowered her voice a little, hoping her daughter wasn’t listening to this.
“Fine so I resented you. But I was always faithful. I might not have been happy but I never even so much as looked at another woman!
I was good to you! I was always good to you. I gave you everything! I quit a job I loved so I could be there to help with the kids. My goddamn money paid for this house. Hell, my money paid for everything because god knows you never worked a day of our relationship!” Spencer threw his hands up in the air in frustration.
They were really airing some grievances now, ones that had been hovering just under the surface for their entire relationship.
“I was at home looking after a little girl while you were away all the damn time! I raised Daisy on my own! You were never there!” Maeve screamed, tears suddenly escaping her eyes and flowing heavily down her flushed cheeks.
“Somebody had to be earning money! I did everything for you, you selfish bitch! I did everything in my power for you and the girls to have a nice home, a nice life. And you repaid me by fucking another man for three years! Get out of my house. Get out of my house and never come back you whore!” Spencer realised then he was crying too, completely out of the blue.
They weren’t tears of sadness though. His tears stemmed from a year's worth of bitterness and turmoil. The tears were his pent up disgust at his wife's betrayal.
Silence descended on the room, the only thing permeating was their heavy breathing.
And then the front door opened and Bobby and Lily entered the house. Lily was happily licking an ice cream cone that was dribbling down her hand.
Both Spencer and Maeve turned away to wipe their tears before their daughter could see.
“I got mint chocolate chip!” Lily cheered, jumping up and down. “I bet Taco would like to try it!”
She made a dash for the dog for Spencer quickly put an arm out to stop her.
“No, pumpkin, Taco can’t eat ice cream.” Spencer sniffed.
Lily frowned a little as she inspected her fathers puffy red eyes.
“Have you been crying, daddy?” She furrowed her brow, pastel green ice cream coating her mouth and cheeks.
“No sweetheart, it’s just allergies.” He forced a smile and it pained him to do so.
She frowned at him before looking at her mom who’s eyes matched Spencer’s.
“Do you have allergies too mommy?” She lapped her tongue over the melting ice cream.
“Yes darling, I do.” Maeve nodded.
“Say goodbye to mommy, Lily. She’s leaving.” Spencer patted her back in the direction of Maeve, wanting to get rid of his bitch of ex-wife and her new lover as soon as possible.
“Oh no! Can’t you stay, mommy?” Lily wrapped her free hand around her mom’s waist.
“No baby, Bobby and I have to go. But we’ll see you next weekend ok?” Maeve crouched down next to her daughter and pulled a tissue from her pocket before wiping her messy face.
“Ok mommy!” Lily chirupped before continuing her work on her ice cream, effectively covering herself again.
Maeve stood back up and glanced at Spencer but he averted his gaze.
Bobby placed a comforting hand on her back and led her towards the door.
Lily was none the wiser.
Spencer heard the door open and close as he tried desperately to keep his tears at bay.
***
Later that night after cleaning ice cream from Lily’s face and hair, he put her to bed and read her story for a while.
Her eyes were half closed and she was fighting sleep by the time he put the book down.
“Close your eyes.” He laughed, bowing his head to kiss her forehead.
“I’m not tired.” She whined, stifling a yawn.
“Of course not.” He stood from the bed and padded towards the door. “Goodnight pumpkin, I love you.”
“Love you too dad.” She replied sleepily.
He moved to the next room and hovered outside Daisy’s door. He ran his fingers over the blue wooden letters that spelt his eldest daughters name.
He heard faint sniffles coming from inside and his heart shattered in his chest.
He pushed open the door and crept inside.
She was curled up in a ball, sobbing quietly against her pillow, her purple cast tucked close to her body.
It physically pained him to see her this sad. He hated this. He hated what Maeve had done.
He shuffled across the room and cautiously laid himself down on the mattress next to his daughter.
She instantly curled into his side, burying her head in his chest.
She sobbed against his shirt while Spencer wrapped her in his arms and placed soft kisses in her hair.
He ran the palm of his hand up and down her back in a vain attempt to calm her.
“It’s ok, pumpkin. It’s all going to be ok.” He whispered into her hair.
Daisy wailed loudly, wrapping her arm around Spencer’s stomach and wiping his snotty nose on him.
This wasn’t fair. He’d do anything to take her pain away. He would give his right arm to stop her hurting. And his left. He wished there was something he could do to stop this agony she was feeling.
“I hate her dad! I hate her for doing that to you! I’ll never forgive her for this!” Daisy balled and he held her tighter.
You and me both, kid, he thought, staring up at the ceiling.
“You don’t hate her, sweetheart. You’re angry right now and that’s completely natural. But she’s your mom, you don’t hate her.” He stroked her hair back off her face and she frantically shook her hair against his chest.
“I do hate her! It’s her fault we don’t get to live with our dad and our mom. It’s her fault you’re sad all the time!”
Spencer closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He used his other hand to guide Daisy’s face up to look at him.
Her eyes were red raw and his chest constricted.
“What makes you think I’m sad, Daisy?” He tried to keep his voice levelled.
“Aunty Emily and Grandpa Dave have told me all about profiling.” She shuffled up the pillows a little.
“Did they now?” Spencer mentally cursed his friends.
“Yes they taught me all about reading micro expressions.” She wiped her eyes on her bedsheets.
“Ok…?” Spencer felt a little uncomfortable knowing this teenage daughter had been taught to read human behaviour.
“You have sad eyes dad.” She sighed a little as she spoke. “You have done since mom left.”
Goddamn Emily and Rossi, he was not at all amused by this.
His thirteen year old daughter should not know that her dad has sad eyes.
“Pumpkin,” he cupped her face. “I am sad, but I’m sad for you and your sister. It breaks my heart that your mother did this to you.”
“Do you miss her?” She narrowed her eyes on him.
“No.” He lied. He was lying to his daughter, right to her face.
“Are you angry at her?”
“No.” He did it again.
Daisy scrutinised his face, trying to read those micro expressions Emily and Dave had taught her.
But Spencer had a great poker face under pressure and he gave nothing away.
“Are you done profiling me?” He chuckled when she didn’t speak.
“For now.” She shrugged, flopping her head back to the pillow.
“Get some rest, sweetheart. Sleep is a great healer.” He kissed her cheek before pushing himself to his feet.
He watched her snuggle beneath the sheets as he headed to the door.
“Love you dad.” She whispered as he stepped outside.
“Love you more. Now sleep.” He closed the door behind himself and pressed his back up against as tears sprung behind his eyes.
He hated lying to his daughters. He never wanted to be the kind of dad that lied to his children.
But unfortunately the situation had required him to do so.
He hoped sleep would help her feel better but honestly Spencer didn’t know if it would.
If sleep really was a great healer, Spencer would sleep for an eternity.