Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

See the lonely boy, out on the weekend,

Trying to make it pay.

Can't relate to joy, he tries to speak and,

Can't begin to say. 

Spencer Reid thought that nothing in life could be as challenging as being an FBI Agent. 

He’d chosen one of the hardest and scariest professions to dedicate his life to and he loved it, but it wasn’t without its hardships.

Facing down unsubs, having guns drawn on him, and being held hostage on multiple occasions had to be the most arduous thing he would encounter in his life, surely? 

Being a child prodigy had its difficulties. Being the youngest kid in high school and college and then grad school wasn’t without its obstacles. 

The FBI had been one challenge after another but Spencer loved it. He loved it despite his lack of physical prowess and the times he had to end lives to save the lives of others. 

It made him feel like he was contributing. Every time they arrested an unsub and tidied up another dark corner of the world, he felt accomplished. 

But it was demanding. It took a lot out of him, chipped away a little more of him each time they couldn’t save someone. He let it bear down on his soul. 

But it was how he’d chosen to use his genius. He was aiding people. He was making a difference. 

Sometimes it just felt like he wasn’t helping enough. The cases they didn’t close, the ones who got away, stayed with him. 

But at least his work with the BAU was the most complicated thing he would ever face. 

Or so he thought. But even a genius could be wrong on occasion. 

And that was proven a few weeks shy of his thirtieth birthday when he’d had his very first one night stand. At least that’s what it was supposed to be. 

It had been Morgan’s idea. Spencer was happy just having a few drinks with his best friend but Morgan had been playing the unwanted wingman from the moment they’d stepped into the bar. Despite Spencer’s protests. 

“When was the last time you got some good loving?” He’d prodded Spencer, causing him to blush. 

“That’s none of your business.” It had been a long time, too long if truth be told. 

If Spencer was honest with himself, he was touch starved. Maybe some good loving as Morgan put it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

Maybe he hadn’t protested quite as hard as he once would have had. It was possible he didn’t hate the idea of taking someone home, of having one night where wasn’t alone in his bed. 

“What about her? She’s your type, pretty boy.” 

He’d glanced over in the direction Morgan was nodding his head and when his eyes landed on the woman Morgan eyeing up, and Spencer was instantly smitten. 

Morgan wasn’t wrong. She was his type to a tee. 

Spencer hadn’t responded, instead just stared across the bar at her and Morgan knew his pretty boy would need a push in the right direction. 

Before Spencer knew what was happening, Morgan was all but dragging him over to the woman and introducing them. 

They talked for hours. They had a surprising amount in common and Spencer smiled more that night than he had in a long time. 

She was beautiful and fascinating and the night had ended with Spencer taking her home and having more sex than he’d probably ever had in his life. 

The next day Morgan tried to goad details out of him but Spencer stayed tight lipped. He wanted to preserve the memory of his night spent with her just for himself. 

He might have thanked Morgan for his instance of talking to her. Might have . It wasn’t for the fact that several weeks later she had called him out of the blue and dropped a bomb shell. 

“Spencer, I don’t really know how to say this other than to just come out with.” There was a long pause on the phone and then she spoke the sentence that changed his whole life. “I’m pregnant.” 

Spencer could still remember to this day the way the air felt like it had been forcibly removed from his lungs from a single sentence. 

His vision had blurred and his hand clutching the phone went limp and he’d almost dropped it. 

All of him had gone limp. The woman he’d had a one night stand with, a woman he never expected to see again was pregnant. 

He’d gotten a complete stranger pregnant. 

The walls felt as though they started closing in as he sat in silence and processed her words. 

This couldn’t be happening. He’d always wanted to be a dad, but not like this. Not after one night spent with a woman he barely knew. 

He was supposed to be married to the love of his life and when the time was right they would plan to have a baby. Spencer planned everything. Spencer did not like surprises. He did not like to be blind sided. 

But she made it clear she was going to keep the baby regardless of whether he was a part of their life or not. And Spencer was a good man, his mother raised him so. So Spencer did the admirable thing. 

He married her. 

Spencer Reid married Maeve Donovan, a woman he hardly knew anything about when she was four months pregnant with his child. 

It was a simple affair at City Hall, only the BAU members in attendance. Spencer wore a suit from his closet and Maeve wore a white summer dress. 

Fall leaves lined the path outside City Hall and crunched under foot as they left hand in hand in matching wedding bands. 

Doctor and Mrs Reid and their future child. 

And if Spencer thought working at the BAU was the hardest thing he’d ever done, it was nothing compared working at the BAU and being a father.

At least before after a hard case he could crawl home and hide under his duvet and recuperate. He could shut himself off from the world for a few hours and just feel the weight of whatever case they had worked. 

But now his apartment wasn’t solitary. He had a wife and newborn daughter to come home to. There was no peace for him anymore. There was no alone time. Spencer was never alone. 

It was funny really that he’d hated being alone all these years but now he couldn’t be, he missed it. The irony wasn’t lost on Spencer. 

But Daisy Diana Reid was the absolute light of his life. The first moment he held his daughter in his arms he had cried against her soft fuzzy hair and he knew he would die for her. 

Standing in the hospital room, cradling her, he’d whispered against her tiny ear, “I promise I will love you forever.” 

He wished the same could have been said about her mother. 

He liked Maeve, of course he did. She was beautiful and smart and she was an amazing mother. 

If they’d met under different circumstances or if she hadn’t fallen pregnant he was sure things would have been different. Maeve was the kind of woman he could fall in love with. But fate had dictated he never got that chance. 

Their forced family had governed that they never found out what could have actually been. 

He wanted to be in love with her. He wanted to be in love with the mother of his child. But he knew with startling clarity when Daisy was born, he never would be. 

Juggling having a child and working at the BAU was completely exhausting. He never had a moment to just breathe. He was always on. He was either an agent or a dad, never just Spencer anymore. 

Honestly, Spencer didn’t know how Hotch and JJ made it look so easy. He kind of hated them for making it seem so effortless. 

But the long days and the excruciating cases were worth it in the end to see his daughter's beautiful smile when he came home. 

For five years things carried on this way. Spencer got a handle on his work-life balance and he started to feel like he’d finally gotten a grip on things. 

But once again, fate intervened. 

The air didn’t quite escape his lungs this time like it had the first time Maeve had dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant. 

Maeve always talked about having a second child, she thought a little brother or sister for Daisy was just what they needed. 

And although he loved Daisy, he really wasn’t sure he could handle another. 

But they hadn’t been actively trying. Spencer wasn’t ready for a second child, one was hard enough with his job and he didn’t think they were ready for a second. 

And since the shock of getting a woman he barely knew pregnant, Spencer had been vigil with his use of condoms. 

Except that one time on Garcia’s birthday a month or so prior when he and Maeve had gotten a sitter for Daisy and really let loose. 

They’d both drunk a lot that night and it stood to reason that in their states, contraceptives had been the last thing on either of their minds. 

So a little after Daisy’s sixth birthday, Maeve gave birth to her little sister Lily Mae. And once again the first time Spencer held her, he knew he would die for her. 

His two girls were his whole world. But having two children and a demanding job became way too much for Spencer. So somewhat reluctantly, he quit the BAU and started teaching. 

Leaving the BAU was one of the hardest decisions Spencer had ever made. Sure it was draining but he loved his job with a passion. 

But he loved his kids more. He’d missed a lot of Daisy’s life while he was away on cases and he didn’t want to make that mistake a second time around. 

But he never imagined he would be here. Teaching was something he’d always thought about doing, but not until much later in life once he retired from the FBI. Not at thirty seven.

However it allowed him to work more regular hours and spend precious time with his beautiful daughters. It was worth it to be able to read them bedtime stories and do the school run. 

But he missed the BAU with every beat of his heart. And he knew he always would. 

They moved to a bigger house in the suburbs to accommodate their growing family and Spencer thought he was at least something akin to happy. 

He grew to love Maeve, in a way, or maybe he just grew comfortable with her. He loved her because she gave him the two greatest gifts of his life. He loved her, because without her Daisy and Lily wouldn’t exist. 

He loved her because he loved his daughters. But he wasn’t in love with her. 

They did make a great team. They balanced each other out like a well calibrated set of scales. 

Maeve was the strict parent whilst the girls had Spencer wrapped around their little fingers. They learnt at an early age how they only had to give him a certain look and he would offer them the world on a silver platter. 

He was content. Parenthood was hard but he had Maeve to fall back on. It wasn’t exactly how he saw his life playing out but he’d resigned himself to it. 

Over the years as the girls grew older, Spencer finally started to believe he might actually be in love with his wife. 

They had fun together. Maeve made him laugh and she was fascinating to talk to. And admittedly their sex life was incredible, even after all those years of marriage. 

She was Spencer’s best friend. He supposed she was the love of his life considering he didn’t really have anything to compare it to. He could picture growing old with her while their kids had their own families. He could imagine them reminiscing about their life together in years to come. 

He could see them on a porch swing at seventy years old wrapped up in blankets and sipping hot cocoa. He’d read Arthur Conan Doyle to her while she laid her head on his shoulder. 

Maybe that’s all love was. Maybe love was as simple as being comfortable with someone and being content. It was possible he’d built up expectations in his mind of what he thought love would be like. Perhaps what he and Maeve had was real love. 

And just when Spencer thought all the hardships in his life had passed, just as he’d grown accustomed to his life and gotten comfortable with the way things were, Maeve dropped one final bombshell. 

And this one forced the air from his lungs in an entirely different way than finding out she was pregnant. 

Daisy was twelve and Lily was six the day Maeve came home in tears and told Spencer she couldn’t lie to him anymore. 

She proceeded to sob as she regaled him with the story of her three year long affair. She shared every single sordid detail of how she met the man named Bobby and had a few too many drinks before falling into his bed. 

She re-enacted every moment of her infidelity including the part where she fell in love with Bobby.

Spencer felt his life flash before his eyes. He saw every moment of their relationship before him, as he listened to her recount her affair. 

He’d tried so hard to love her for the sake of his kids. He’d been nothing but the perfect husband to her and this was how she’d repaid him? 

He felt like a complete idiot. 

Maeve had finished by telling Spencer she still loved him. She told him she didn’t want their marriage to be over. 

Spencer’s response was to tell her to go to hell. 

There was no talking about it. There was no discussion of where they went from here. To Spencer there was only one way this ended and it was not up for debate. 

So now a year after the fateful day that destroyed life as he knew it, Spencer was facing his hardest challenge ever: single parenthood. 

Maeve moved out of their family home the very day she’d disclosed her affair at Spencer’s insistence. She’d tried to convince him to work on things, to at least talk to her. 

But Spencer was done. He kicked her out and had barely said two words to her since. 

The divorce papers were finalised a few months ago. 

Hotch had some old contacts from his days as a prosecutor which helped Spencer gainprimary custody of the girls and they spent every other weekend with their adulterous bitch of a mother. 

Spencer stayed in their family home, and Maeve moved in with Bobby. 

He had to cut his hours at work to be there for the girls. Daisy who was now thirteen understood more of what was going on than seven year old Lily who kept asking why mommy didn’t live with them anymore. 

Life was intrinsically unfair. It was one thing for Maeve to hurt him, but another entirely for her to hurt their daughters. 

Picking up the pieces in the wake of his wife’s betrayal was the biggest challenge of Spencer’s life. Because it wasn’t just his pieces that needed picking up, it was Daisy and Lily’s too. 

Some days Spencer barely held it together for himself, let alone them. On some weekends they spent with that cheating whore he would spend forty eight hours with several bottles of scotch and his couch. 

Sometimes he’d go out. Sometimes he’d call up Luke or Matt or Emily and go to a bar and get blind drunk and stare at the tan mark where his wedding ring had sat for thirteen long years. 

Some weekends he didn’t even get out of bed. 

But without fail, once his daughters were back in his care, Spencer put everything aside for them. He plastered on a smile, he cooked dinner and asked about their days. He drove them to and from school and read to them and played with their toys with them. 

If Spencer Reid knew one thing to be true it was this: he was a great dad. He put his all into giving his angels everything they could possibly need. He showered them with love and adoration. He taught them everything he knew. He made sure they would grow up to be better women than their skank of a mother. 

But when they weren’t around, he crumbled. 

That’s not to say he was necessarily heartbroken. He’d never loved Maeve the way he should have. But he’d been comfortable, he’d had a stable life he’d grown accustomed to and Maeve threw it all away for some man named Bobby. 

Thirteen years of marriage, two beautiful daughters and a large home in the Virginia suburbs weren’t enough for her. He wasn’t enough for her. 

Spencer had been abandoned one too many times before for this not to rip him apart from the inside. 

He’d spent years trying to love Maeve for the sake of Daisy and then later for Lily too. He’d put his all into a relationship he’d never really wanted in the first place. 

He’d wasted all these years trying because he knew Maeve loved him. He did it for her. Only for her to throw it back in his face. 

It made him feel like a fool, and no one made Spencer feel a fool. 

But he held it together. He kept his anger and his sadness bottled up for the sake of his daughters who didn’t deserve any of this. 

And that was how, at forty four years old, Spencer found himself a single divorced dad. 

***

It was nearing the end of winter and the cold days and bitter nights were expected to pass soon.

Gloves and hats had been left behind in the previous weeks but Spencer still ensured he wrapped his girls up in their winter coats and scarfs before they left the house. 

He dropped Daisy and Lily off at school like he did every morning, stopped by his favourite coffee shop for his morning fix and then drove to Georgetown for his morning class. 

The girls had been at their moms for the weekend and if truth be told, Spencer was still feeling a little worse for wear after his weekend of binge drinking. 

He wasn’t as young as he used to be, he didn’t bounce back as quickly as he would have once had. 

Luke and Matt had taken him out, slightly against his will. He would have much preferred to stay home and drink alone but when the two men had arrived on his doorstep, it made it harder to decline. 

His old team members kept telling him he needed to move on. They told him needed to get back out there and meet someone if he ever wanted to be happy. 

But dating was the last thing on Spencer’s mind. Dating had always been difficult for Spencer but now with two kids it was neigh on impossible. 

He had too much else on his mind to bother with dating. Luke and Matt had reluctantly let it slide. 

The coffee in his hand aided in keeping him warm as he strolled across campus and also went some way to stemming his hangover. 

He tugged the lopsided purple scarf tighter around his neck as he fought against a soft breeze. 

The trees lining the path were still bare, looking somewhat baron this time of year. He looked forward to spring when all the flowers on campus came alive again, filling the otherwise drab courtyard with bursts of colour. 

The path ahead of him was clear and it looked like he might make a clean break to his office without any students asking for assistance on last week's lecture. 

He lifted the coffee to his lips again and relished in the way the liquid warmed him from the inside out. When he lowered his cup, he noticed someone now stood in the middle of the path ahead, effectively blocking his way. 

The person was facing away from him, something in their hands garnering their attention. A large navy overcoat hung around their frame, almost coming down to touch the floor. 

As he approached he realised there was no way around this person without walking across the grass and the groundskeepers frowned upon that. 

The figure didn’t even seem to realise they were in anyone's way, or even hear him coming. 

“Uh…” Spencer cleared his throat. “You’re kinda blocking the path.” 

Your eyes suddenly snapped up from the paper clutched in your hands and you spun to look at him, slightly wide eyed. 

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!” You brought the paper to your chest, a look of shock on your features. “I’m lost, if you couldn’t tell.” 

In his entire life, Spencer had never felt his world stop turning the way it did when he looked at you for the very first time. 

You had a smile that could bring a thousand men to their knees. Your eyes sparkled as if they held all the stars in the sky. 

The last time Spencer felt the air leave his lungs like this was when a woman he’d had a one night stand with told him she was pregnant. 

But this time he was breathless for completely different reasons. 

He watched you tuck the piece of paper inside your purse that hung from your shoulder. He willed himself to speak, to say anything as opposed to standing and staring dumbly. 

“Uh…” he swallowed. “Where are you trying to go?l

“Do you work here?” You smiled sweetly at him, toying with the strap of your bag. 

“Uh yeah.” Spencer nodded, feeling as though his IQ had been completely slashed just by looking into your eyes. 

“Oh great!” You bounced on the balls of your feet. “It’s my first day. I’m trying to find Professor Monroe’s office but this place is so…huge.” 

A breeze fluttered past and he watched the way it caused strands of your hair to dance. He tried to ignore the effect such a simple action had on him. 

“Oh, sure.” Spencer nodded. “He’s over in the psychology building. I’m heading there myself, I can show you?” 

“That would be great.” You nodded, waiting for him to lead the way. 

He started walking again in the direction of the psychology building and you fell into step with him. Your heeled boots clicked against the concrete as you strolled together and Spencer found the sound oddly comforting. 

You fell into silence and Spencer wanted to talk to you, about everything and nothing, but he found himself at a loss for words. 

When he’d first laid eyes on Maeve all those years ago across the crowded bar, he thought she was beautiful, but he wasn’t floored by her. 

Conversation had come easy with her but that was probably only because he didn’t feel so tongue tied around her. 

She hadn’t knocked him for six the way you had, causing his brain to short circuit and effectively shut down. 

His reaction to seeing you for the first time was how Spencer always pictured great love stories to begin. 

He was nervous and his palms were sweating even though it wasn’t warm. His heart was racing more than it had a right to, and it only got worse when he saw you glancing at him as you walked. 

You made him feel dumbstruck, causing his usually impressive brain to become a ball of cotton wool. He’d never in his life felt this way before. 

“What do you teach?” You suddenly asked him, snapping him out of his daze. 

Your words felt as though they waltzed to his ears, wrapping him in a warmth DC hadn’t seen for months. 

“Criminal Psychology.” He heard the way his voice cracked, he hoped you didn’t notice. “You’re a bit late in the year to be joining a class aren’t you?” 

You giggled and the sound sent shockwaves through Spencer’s body. It was a sound of hope, of freedom; a sound that ignited something in Spencer he thought had long ago died. 

“I’m not a student, although I’m flattered that you think so.” 

“No?” Spencer raised an eyebrow at you. 

“No, I’m a TA. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to come up here for a while and thankfully I was top of the list when his last TA left suddenly.” 

You reached the psychology building and Spencer held the door open for you. 

You smiled in thanks as you brushed past him inside and he caught the scent of your hair. 

“He’s a really good professor.” Spencer mused out loud as you walked the corridor together. 

“Yes, I’m excited to work with him.” 

Spencer came to a stop outside Monroe’s office and motioned to the door. 

“This is him.” The plaquared on the door stating his name should have been enough to suggest that but thankfully you didn’t point that out. 

“Thank you so much. The last thing I needed was to be late on my first day.” 

“You’re very welcome.” Spencer felt a knot forming in his stomach at the thought of saying goodbye to you so soon. 

And by the way you hovered in the corridor he wondered if you felt it too. 

“I’m Y/N by the way. Y/N Y/L/N.” You offered him a slightly awkward wave. 

“Spencer. Spencer Reid.” 

“Oh I know who you are.” Your lip turned up at the corner. “Doctor Spencer Reid, former BAU Agent.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened slightly as he gave you a curious look. 

“I…uh…should I be scared?” He scratched the back of his neck. 

“I’m just…a fan.” You shrugged. “Your thesis on Identifying Non-Obvious Relationship Factors Using Cluster Weighted Modelling and Geographic Regression was fascinating.” 

Spencer felt himself blushing, never one to take compliments. 

“I wrote that when I was at CalTech. You couldn’t have even been born.” 

Again you shrugged and your eyes twinkled in that way that left Spencer speechless.

“It was nice to finally meet you, Doctor Reid.” You clutched the door handle behind you. “Hopefully I’ll see you around.” 

“I really hope so.” He admitted. 

He watched you open the door and continued to stay vigil until you disappeared behind it. 

His heart was yet to return to a normal rhythm even after you were out of sight. 

His hangover was a long forgotten memory and for the first time in years, Spencer felt alive again. 

Chapter Text

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me,

Leave the past behind me, today my life begins.

A whole new world is waiting it's mine for the takin, 

I know I can make it, today my life begins. 

Spencer’s day had been consumed by thoughts of you. He managed to pull himself together to teach his classes but you were at the back of his mind all day. 

He didn’t think someone had ever been stuck in his mind the way you were. In one brief meeting you’d taken up residence in his brain and were now living there indefinitely. 

Thankfully his daughters didn’t notice he was preoccupied. 

The next day he drove to work full of anticipation at the prospect of seeing you again. 

He was hyper aware of everyone around him, taking second glances around in case he found you in a crowd. 

But he knew he’d be able to easily pick you out of any group of people. 

It wasn’t until he took a stroll to the coffee cart on campus after his morning class when he finally spotted you. 

The sun had poked its way between a thick blanket of clouds and it was warmer than it had been as of late and you were taking advantage of that as you sat on a bench with your head buried in your book. 

Your navy overcoat was bundled on the bench next to you and Spencer was glad he’d left his own jacket in his office. 

His nerves betrayed him and his hands started to sweat as he crossed the courtyard towards you. And it had nothing to do with the temperature. 

He was fascinated by the way you seemed to be lost in your book. You were in your own little world, blocking out everyone around you, lost in a land of the authors creating. 

Your brow had a small crease in it and you rolled your bottom lip between your teeth in concentration. Every so often you’d dampen your finger on your tongue before turning the page. 

Honestly, Spencer could have watched you all day. He was utterly captivated by you. He stood not six feet in front of you for some time, just observing your micro expressions. 

You didn’t look up from the pages but you stunned him when you spoke. 

“Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to join me?” 

“I…uh…” 

You glanced up at him with that glint in your eye that made his knees weak. 

“Sit down, Doctor.” You closed your book and moved your coat aside before patting the bench. 

He took a few breaths before moving closer and dropping down next to you. 

“I’m sorry if it was weird of me staring like that. I’ve just never seen someone so deep in concentration before.” 

“I have a lot of siblings, I had to learn to tune things out.” You shrugged with a smile. “How’s today treating you, Doctor Reid?”

“You can call me Spencer, you know?” He felt himself blushing a little because he really liked it when you called him Doctor. Probably too much. “And shouldn’t I be the one asking you how your day is going? Being new here and all?” 

You mused on this a second, running your fingers up and down the spine of your book. Your nails were painted a dark grey shade and were a little chipped on a couple of the digits. 

“It’s good. Professor Monroe is nice, I think he could teach me a lot. I’m actually working towards my doctorate in psychology so I’m hoping this will help.” 

“I have a doctorate in psychology.” Spencer blurted out, very unjustly. 

Your lips tugged up at the corners in amusement. 

“It’s not a competition.” You smiled at him. 

“I didn’t mean…I just…” Spencer mentally berated himself, forcing himself to take a deep breath. “I can help. If you need it. Not that you need it I’m sure but…I can. If you do.” 

What is wrong with me? 

He thought he’d long passed the stage of being awkward around pretty women but he supposed it had been a long time since he was single. 

He’d never been good with women before he’d gotten married and now he’d been out of the game for thirteen years he was a disaster. 

He tapped his foot on the ground trying to focus on that rather than his complete lack of social graces. 

“I’ll bear that in mind.” You had a look of amusement on your features as though you knew the effect you were having on him. 

Spencer had never felt like this before. He felt so unsure of himself, so utterly out of his comfort zone. 

Spencer didn’t let himself stay in situations where he felt so in over his head. He shied away from social situations where he could, never went out of his way to make friends. 

But here he was purposefully putting himself a new and scary situation in which he felt so utterly out of control. 

“You should.” He nodded, playing with his hands in his lap. 

You both fell into silence while Spencer continued to scold himself for being such an incredibly awkward human being. 

You watched the side of his face. He had a very nice face, one that you could stare at for hours and not get bored of. 

He wore the signs of age in the little creases around his eyes and forehead and he was starting to go a little grey around his hairline. 

The dark circles under his eyes told you he’d seen his share of darkness. His obvious discomfort was a sign he wasn’t at ease around women. 

“Can I ask you something?” You spoke after a while of silence. 

He looked up from where he’d been staring at his foot bouncing up and down. 

“Of course.” 

“Why did you leave the BAU, if you don’t mind me asking? It seems like it would be such a fascinating place to work.” 

Spencer chuckled softly if not slightly wistfully. He still missed the BAU but maybe not as much as he once did. It had been almost seven years since he left the bureau. He still yearned for it every now and again but he wouldn’t trade the time he got to spend with his girls for the world. 

“It was. I loved working there and truthfully I never thought I’d leave.” He sighed a little, realising he hadn’t answered your question. “I left not long after my second daughter was born. I missed out on a lot with my first and I didn’t want to make that mistake again. It was hard to leave but I love my girls.” 

You smiled at the way he lit up when he mentioned his kids but he noticed something passing by your eyes that didn’t match your smile. 

Despite his years of profiling, he couldn’t tell what it was. 

“How old are they?” You smiled because you really did want to hear about his kids. 

But you couldn’t help but be disappointed because if he had kids, he probably had a wife too. Of course he did. He was beautiful and intelligent, of course he wasn’t single. 

“Daisy’s thirteen going on twenty-one. And Lily is seven.” He beamed talking about his daughters, he always did. 

“Cute ages.” You subtly scoped his hand. 

No wedding ring. But not all men wore them. 

“They’re the lights of my life, I swear.” He fawned. “So I left the BAU so I wouldn’t miss out on any more of their lives. And I’m thankful for this place, they let me curate my own hours so I can drop them off and pick them up from school everyday.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. For the love of god, don’t say it Y/N. 

But you did. 

“Your wife can’t do that?” You hated yourself for asking. It was so obvious what you were really asking. 

But if Spencer realised, it didn’t show. 

He averted his gaze again and rolled his lip between his teeth. 

He hated talking about his ex at the best of times, let alone with you. 

“I’m divorced. It’s a whole messy thing.” He spoke quietly. “I really don’t want to waste what precious time I have with you talking about her.” 

You tried to hide the large smile that crept to your lips hearing that he was divorced. You shouldn’t be so happy to hear that, but at least it meant you might still stand a chance. 

“What would you like to spend your precious time with me talking about, Doctor?” The flirtatiousness was dripping from your words but again if he noticed, it didn’t show. 

“I would very much like to talk to you about taking you for dinner.” Spencer startled himself a little with his words. It wasn’t like him to be so bold. 

He’d never once thought about dating since his separation despite Luke and Matt’s determination to have him do so. He’d never been inclined to put himself out there again. 

So it surprised him to say the least that he’d actually said that out loud. 

And what if you said no? How awkward would that be? And surely there was no way you’d actually say yes. 

He tried to keep his cool and not start panicking before he’d given you a chance to respond but his brain was already running over the hundreds of bad outcomes to this. 

“Well, I would-“ you started but were cut off by the sound of your phone alarm going off from inside your purse. 

You quickly shut it off and stuffed it away again. 

“Sorry, I have to get to my next class. Monroe can’t stand tardiness.” You pushed yourself up from the bench and slung your coat over your arm, smirking at Spencer playfully. 

“You don’t even have time to say a simple yes or no?” He questioned you. 

“I’d rather keep you in suspense.” Your eyes sparkled. “I’ll let you stew a bit. It’s more fun that way.” 

Spencer couldn’t help but laugh as you winked at him before quickly turning on your heels and sauntering away. 

He was mesmerised by the way your hips swung as you walked. You had a confidence about you that Spencer envied slightly. You held your head high and marched with the sort of self-assurance Spencer wished he possessed. 

It was also the kind of assertiveness which Spencer found so undeniably attractive. 

He kept his eyes on you until you’d disappeared from sight. 

He was already hooked on you. And he was sure that couldn’t end well. 

***

Spencer thought about nothing but you for the rest of the day again. 

Even when he picked Daisy and Lily up from school you were still at the back of his mind. 

He cooked dinner and helped the girls with their homework before he settled them in front of the TV while he graded papers in his office. 

He put them to bed, read Lily a story she’d heard hundreds of times before but Daisy bypassed a story in lieu of one of her own. 

She regaled her dad with a complete play by play of a fight that happened at school between two of the popular girls. She went into great detail about it, talking so fast Spencer could barely keep up. 

But he nodded where appropriate and threw in a perfunctory “yeah?” every once in a while. 

By the time she finished she was half asleep. 

“So it means,” she stifled a yawn as Spencer tucked the sheets up to her chin. “Meredith is looking for a new BFF. And I could be it!” 

“That is great sweetheart. I’m really pleased for you.” He kissed her forehead and stood up, backing away to the door. 

Once in the corridor he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Teenagers are hard work. Was it too much to ask to keep Lily young and innocent forever? 

He was exhausted so he took a shower and crawled into bed. His last thought was of you. 

***

He was sipping his coffee at the island in the kitchen, perusing the newspaper while Lily ate a bowl of cereal and hummed to herself like she often did when she ate. 

He checked his watch before folding the paper and slipping out of the chair. 

“Daisy, if you don’t come down soon you won’t have time for breakfast!” He called upstairs, finishing off his coffee before placing his mug in the sink.

“I had breakfast, daddy!” Lily beamed brightly at him.

“I know you did, pumpkin. You’re such a good girl.” He came close to her and kissed her head before smoothing out the errant locks.

Lily was gifted his unruly curls. If he brushed them they doubled in size. If he left them, he looked like a bad parent for neglecting her. 

While she finished eating he stood behind her and pulled the strands back off her face, using one of the hair ties usually around his wrist for such an occasion to tie her hair back into a ponytail. 

It was better than nothing. He was a single dad, he tried his best. 

Lily finished her cereal and he dumped the bowl in the sink with his mug before checking his watch again. 

“Daisy, seriously? What are you doing up there?” 

“I’m coming! Jeez dad.” Her voice carried back down stairs. 

He lifted Lily from her chair and placed her on the floor and she ran to the door to get her shoes. 

There was some clattering upstairs before he heard his eldest daughters unnecessarily loud footsteps on the stairs. 

She ran straight past him to the door, clearly hiding something. He froze for a moment when he took her in, his blood turning to fire in his veins. 

“Daisy,” he choked. “What are you wearing?” 

“It’s called a skirt dad.” She still didn’t look at him while she got her sneakers on. 

“Really? A skirt? I would consider that more of a belt. You are not leaving the house dressed like that.” 

“Chill out dad. All the girls at my school dress like this.” 

“I don’t care how the other girls dress. You are not leaving my house dressed like that.” He was trying to stay calm but he felt anything but. 

“How do you expect me to be Meredith’s BFF if I don’t dress like this?” She finally turned to face him and Spencer nearly blew his lid entirely. 

Her beautiful face was painted in heavy eyeshadow, mascara, a thick blush and bright lipstick. 

She folded her arms over her chest and Spencer had to count to ten in his head before he spoke or he would say something he regretted.

“What is that on your face?” He spoke through grit teeth. 

“Make-up.” She huffed. 

“Where did you get make-up? You’re thirteen!” 

“All the girls are wearing make-up.” She rolled her eyes. 

“All of them, except for you.” He clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides. “Did your mother buy you that?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged. 

God-fucking-damnit Maeve. 

“Go and take that off your face and the next time you come down here you will be wearing something that covers your knees. Do you understand?” He hated being the strict parent. That had always been Maeve’s role. 

But since their separation she’s played the part of the “ cool mom ” while Spencer was left to be the bad guy. He hated it. 

“Mom would let me go to school like this.” Daisy huffed again. 

“I think you look silly.” Lily giggled. 

“Shut up!” Daisy raised her voice. 

“Do not talk to your sister like that.” Spencer exhaled. “Go and get changed. Take that stuff off of your face. Now.” 

“But dad I-“

“Daisy Diana Reid, I said now!” 

“I hate you!” Daisy screamed before storming upstairs. 

Spencer closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

There was nothing worse in the whole world than hearing those words out of your child’s mouth. 

With his eyes closed he didn’t notice Lily passing closer to him until he felt a set of small arms wrap around his waist. 

He opened his eyes and looked down on her. She was smiling up at him. 

“I love you daddy.” She beamed, squeezing him tightly. 

“I love you too, pumpkin.” He sniffed back his tears. 

Being a single parent was hard enough without the added difficulties of a teenager. Daisy was probably going to rebel against his every word until she was eighteen. 

And there was no telling what Lily would be like. 

He had to cling to moments like this when his youngest daughter was hugging him the way she was and looking at him like he hung the moon. 

Please never grow up, he thought as he bowed his head to kiss her. 

***

Daisy didn’t say another word to Spencer or Lily as he drove them to school. She was even more angry at the fact he’d checked her back pack and found the make-up and skirt hidden inside. 

Did she think he was born yesterday? He would have a serious talk with Maeve about this. 

His first class on Wednesdays wasn’t until just before lunch so he spent the morning in his office grading more papers. 

At around ten thirty there was a soft knock at his door and he glanced up from his desk, blinking a few times. 

“It’s open.” He called, sitting back in his chair and stretching his legs under the desk. 

The door creaked open and when you walked inside it put the first smile on his face in hours. 

You brandished two coffee cups which you set down before slipping into the free chair on the opposite side of the desk. 

It was a large old desk with papers scattered around almost every available surface. In the odd free space between papers you could make out multiple coffee rings. 

Behind him was a huge floor to ceiling bookshelf, almost bursting at the seams it held so many books. 

There was a large window on the far wall that looked out over the courtyard but the windowsill was also stacked high with books. 

His satchel and jacket were hanging on an old, wooden antique coat rack by the door. 

“You brought me coffee.” He smiled, gratefully picking it up and taking a sip as you inspected his office. 

“I felt bad for leaving you hanging yesterday.” You crossed one leg over the other, running your free hand over the crease in your checkered pants. 

“Really? Did you?” He raised a sceptical eyebrow at you. 

“No, not especially.” You smirked. “But I noticed you’d been hauled up here all morning and figured you might need a pick me up.”

“You have no idea.” He sighed. 

“Everything ok?” You sounded genuinely concerned. 

He took another sip of coffee before setting it down and leaning his elbows on the desk. 

“I had an…incident with my oldest this morning.” 

“Care to talk about it?” 

Again Spencer sighed. Normally he would not talk to someone he barely knew about his kids or anything pertaining to his personal life. He liked to keep the two sides of his life separate.

But the look gracing your features told him, for whatever reason, you cared. He didn’t know why you did, but Spencer felt like he could tell you anything. 

And more concerningly, he wanted to tell you everything. 

“She’s thirteen years old and she comes downstairs this morning in an obscenely short skirt and a face full of make-up like it’s not going to give me a heart attack? And then she got mad when I made her change and now she’s not talking to me.” He had no idea why he was telling you this. You were basically a stranger. 

You smiled sympathetically at him around your coffee. 

“Ah yes, I’m sure I put my father through hell with the same things. Teenage girls are rebellious. Especially towards our dads.” 

“Is it so much to ask that I don’t want her to turn out like her whore mot…” Spencer stopped himself abruptly. He was not going to open that particular can of worms. “I’m just…I don’t know how to deal with this.” 

“You’ll figure it out.” You smiled at him. “You’re a genius after all, right?”

“How much exactly do you know about me?” Spencer frowned a little. 

“Only what they publish online.” Your eyes danced with mischief. 

“It seems very unfair that you know so much about me and I know so little about you.” 

“Maybe you can find out more about me over dinner.” 

“Seriously?” Spencer perked up, sitting up right. 

“Seriously.” You giggled. 

“I have the kids this weekend but next weekend they’re with their mother. Does Saturday night sound good?” 

“Sounds great.” You mused as you ran your fingers along a silver photo frame on the corner of his desk. It was the only personal touch in his office. “Your kids?” 

“Yeah.” He beamed proudly. 

“They’re beautiful. The little one looks just like you.” 

Spencer chuckled and nodded. 

It was true, Lily looked the spitting image of her dad. As well as his unruly mane of curls she had his eyes and his smile. She was also much taller than all the other kids in her class, just like her dad.

Daisy shared her features more with Maeve. Her hair was darker and her eyes were blue not brown. She had a lot of her mothers mannerisms too which sometimes crushed Spencer’s heart in a vice. 

“Yeah, she does. Daisy looks more like her mom.” 

“So she gets them every other weekend?” You looked back at him. 

“Yeah. I’m their full time parent.” 

“There’s a story there.” You sipped your coffee. 

“There is.” He chuckled lightly. “But not one I want to go into with the beautiful woman I’m trying to flirt with.” 

“This is you flirting?” You laughed. “Wow, that’s adorable.”

“I asked you to dinner.” He grumbled. “Cut me some slack. I was married for thirteen years, I’m kind of out of practice.” 

“You’re doing better than you think.” You smiled seductively at him and Spencer wanted to take you right over his desk. 

He wanted to sweep all the papers off of it, grab you in his arms and slam you back against. 

He wanted to tear every single item of clothing off of your body and fuck you right here and now in his campus office. 

God he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had sex. How sad was that? 

Even just the thought made his cock twitch in his pants and he was glad there was a desk separating you so you wouldn’t be able to tell. 

But he was sure you knew anyway. And it was confirmed a moment later when you pushed yourself up and spoke again. 

“I’m not sleeping with you before you take me to dinner, Doctor Reid.” You grinned, grabbing up your coffee. 

“But after I’ve taken you for dinner, you will?” He smiled, feeling a surge of confidence. 

“Depends on how good of a dinner it is.” You left him with one last sultry look before you strutted towards the door. 

Spencer chewed on his lip to hold back a moan that wanted to escape. By the time you left his office he was almost completely standing to attention in his pants. 

It was a heady feeling. Spencer hadn’t felt this was in such a long time. Maybe he’d never felt this way. 

You were something else entirely. You were a magnetic force, drawing him in and sucking the life from him. 

He shook his head, his metaphors getting confused in his mind due to the lack of blood pumping in his brain. 

He glanced at his watch. He had ten minutes until his first class. 

What to do with ten minutes? He thought to himself as his hand had already started working it’s way to the button of his pants. 

***

His good mood, as it usually was, was short lived. 

Talking to his ex-wife was his least favourite thing to do, but after the situation that morning, he’d had to call her. 

And the second he heard her voice down the phone, he was already seething. 

“Make-up, Maeve? You brought her make-up?” He raised his voice a little as he paced the length of his home office. 

Daisy and Lily were already asleep and he didn’t want to wake them but he couldn’t help his tone. 

“She’s thirteen, Spencer.” Maeve kept her voice measured. 

“Exactly! She shouldn’t be wearing make-up at thirteen! And don’t get me started on that skirt!” 

“I wore make-up when I was thirteen.”

“Yeah and look how well you turned out.” He growled. 

“You might not like me Spencer but I am still the mother of your children. Show me some respect!” She huffed. 

“You lost the right to my respect a long time ago. I will not let you turn my daughters into sluts.” 

“Like me?” 

“You said it.” He rolled his eyes. “My job is hard enough without having to police Daisy every time she leaves the house. In future, tell me before you buy her things like that.” 

“She’s my daughter too. I have every right to buy her what I want.” 

“I swear to god if I find out you’ve brought her any more make-up or inappropriate outfits-“ 

“You’ll what, Spencer? Have me see them less than I already do? I get to see them for two days every two weeks, is that not punishment enough?” 

“You were sleeping with someone else behind my back for three years! You should consider yourself lucky you see them at all! Don’t test me Maeve, I am not messing around.” He was livid, his blood boiling on his veins. 

“If you try to revoke custody from me I’m sure the courts would love to hear about how their father gets blind drunk every time they aren’t home. You think I can’t smell it on you? You think the girls can’t smell it on you?” Maeve yelled down the phone. 

Spencer gripped the edge of his desk so hard his knuckles turned white.

“I have four days a month off. I have four days a month when I’m not cooking and cleaning and helping with homework. Four days a month when I can just be me and allow myself to feel the weight of the fact my wife cheated on me. Four fucking days a month when I’m not Doctor Reid or daddy . Don’t you dare try and get high and mighty with me you bitch!” He was angrier than he’d ever been, even angrier than when he’d found out she was cheating on him in the first place. 

Before Maeve could respond, Spencer pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call before he could say anymore. 

How dare she threaten him. He had every right to let loose on his scarce days when he wasn’t looking after their children. 

He did everything for Daisy and Lily, his life revolved around his two princesses. Who was Maeve to judge how he spent his few days apart from them? 

He could feel his anger rising, about to spill over at any moment. He was gripping the desk so hard he was sure it would snap beneath his grasp. 

No one in the world had the power to anger him the way his ex-wife did. 

He was about to reach breaking point, seconds away from snapping when his phone started to ring again. 

I swear to god if that’s her I will… his thought trailed off when he saw a number he didn’t recognise on the screen. 

Frowning a little and trying to keep his anger at bay, he answered it and put the device to his ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi. I hope you don’t mind but I got your number from Monroe.” 

He could hear the mild hint of embarrassment in your voice. And in an instant, Spencer felt his anger melting away. 

“You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice right now.” He exhaled, letting up his hold on the desk. 

“Bad night?” 

“Just…my ex-wife.” He grit his teeth. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Fair enough.” You had a smile in your voice. 

“So, why did you ask Monroe for my number?” Spencer felt himself smile too. He rounded his desk and fell into the chair. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. Was it weird of me?”

“I mean, you could have just asked me.” Spencer chuckled. 

“True.” You agreed. “Jumping through hoops is kind of fun though.” 

“Oh really? You like the chase, huh?” Spencer leant back in his chair as he felt his cock throb just from your voice.

“You asked me out, I didn’t think I needed to chase.” You sounded amused. 

“I could always rescind my offer if it’s more fun for you. I don’t think a woman has ever chased me before. I kind of like the sound of it.” He smirked, hand moving to palm himself through his slacks. 

“I find that very hard to believe. I would have thought Doctor Spencer Reid would have women lining up at his door.” 

“Oh yeah, a divorced dad of two really gets the women hot under the collar.” He chuckled lightly. 

“It does the job for me.” You confessed and Spencer couldn’t help the growl that left his lips. 

“Woman, you have no idea what you do to me.” He admitted, pressing the palm of his hand against his erection. 

“Oh, I’ve got a pretty good idea, Doctor.” You whispered the last word and as expected, Spencer moaned slightly down the phone. 

“This is very unfair.” He swallowed. “My girls are asleep down the hall and you’re getting me all riled up.” 

“My roommates are asleep down the hall and you’re getting me riled up.” Your voice was slightly breathy. 

“I should…go.” He forced himself to say although he didn’t want to. 

“Sleep well, Doctor. Try not to dream of me.” You whispered and then the line went dead. 

He dropped to the phone on the desk and hissed as he pressed harder against his cock. 

And for the second time that day, Spencer relieved himself from his pants and stroked himself while he thought of you. 

You were going to be the death of him. 

Chapter Text

Like when I close my eyes and don't even care if anyone sees me dancing,

Like I can fly, and don't even think of touching the ground.

Like a heartbeat skip, like an open page,

Like a one way trip on an aeroplane.

It's the way that I feel when I'm with you, brand new,

Brand new.

The two of you continued to meet for coffee between classes and talk on the phone in the evening for the rest of the week. 

Without fail, every time he got off the phone to you, Spencer would masturbate. 

He would picture you while he touched himself, imagine the things he wanted to do to you, the things he wanted you to do to him. 

You turned him on more than anyone ever had and you’d never even kissed. 

It wasn’t at all fair if you asked Spencer. 

Since his separation, dating and sex hadn’t once crossed Spencer’s mind. After Maeve left his life in pieces, the last thing Spencer ever thought he’d want to do was date again. 

Daisy and Lily were all he needed. Or at least, that’s what he thought. 

But he couldn’t get you out of his mind and he realised now with startling clarity that he was painfully lonely.

He hadn’t realised it because he’d been busy with work and the girls and hating his ex-wife. But Spencer missed having someone to talk to, an adult to talk to. He missed having someone who just got him. 

He missed reading on the couch with someone who wasn’t a child. He missed sharing meals with someone over a nice glass of wine. He missed holding someone while he slept, or being held while he slept. 

He missed sex. He missed sex like nothing else in the whole world. He needed a warm body pressed against his while fumbling between the sheets. 

He needed you. 

But for now he had to push that to the back of his mind. 

He stayed up late Friday night getting all his paperwork out the way so he could dedicate his weekend to his girls. 

He spoke with you on the phone for a while, took a shower and relieved himself, before crawling into his tauntingly empty bed. 

On Saturday he packed a picnic and took Daisy and Lily to the park where they met up with JJ, Henry and Michael. 

The boys were fairly close in age to his girls, Henry now at sixteen and Michael nine. 

It was the world's worst kept secret that Lily had a crush on Michael. Michael probably had one on her too. They were as thick as thieves despite their two year age gap. Lily hung off his every word like he was the most fascinating being she’d ever met. 

Henry was not so quick to be seen hanging around with a thirteen year old and he kicked a football around on his own while Daisy sat with a frown on her face, frantically texting on the cell phone Maeve insisted she needed. She had her headphones stuffed in her ears, effectively shutting herself off from the rest of them. 

It still wasn’t too warm but the sun was out and birds were singing from their perches high up in the trees which Spencer didn’t usually enjoy but today he found it soothing. 

Spencer sipped his orange juice and stretched his legs out on the blanket laid out on the grass. He could see JJ watching him from the corner of his eye. 

“If you have something to say Jennifer, just spit it out.” He smiled a little. 

“I think you’re the one with something to say.” JJ smirked to herself, causing Spencer to look at her. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You think I don’t know you well enough by now? You’ve been smiling all day. I haven’t seen you smile this much in a long time.” She raised a curious eyebrow at him. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He couldn’t help the way his smile grew when he thought of you. 

“Oh my gosh!” JJ cheered. “You’ve met someone!” 

“Shush!” Spencer quickly looked at his daughters. 

Daisy was still staring at her phone, oblivious to the world and Lily was giggling at something Michael was telling her. 

“Oh my gosh, it’s true.” JJ lowered her voice, shuffling closer to Spencer on the blanket. 

“It’s…we haven’t even been on a date yet.” He felt a blush creeping to his cheeks. “But we talk on the phone every night.” 

“I need to know everything.” 

“There’s really not much to tell.” He shrugged. “Her name is Y/N, she’s a new TA at Georgetown. I only met her this week but she’s…she’s…”

“You’ve got a crush.” JJ nudged him in the arm. 

“We’re not kids JJ.” He rolled his eyes. “I just…I guess I didn’t realise how lonely I was until I met her.” 

“It’s hard being alone.” JJ sighed, not like she would know. She and Will were the perfect couple, she had no idea what it was like for Spencer. 

He didn’t say that though. 

“It’s also easier being alone.” Spencer looked up at the sky. “At least I can’t get hurt if I’m alone.” 

“You can’t think like that, Spence.” 

“It’s hard not after what she did. I don’t think I’m ready to put myself in that situation again. But Y/N is…she’s…” he sighed dreamily. “She makes me feel alive again.” 

JJ squeezed her friend's arm with a soft smile. 

“I’m really pleased to hear that. Just take it one day at a time, that’s all we can do sometimes. I know you’ve been hurt, in a way no one should ever have to be hurt. But you can’t be alone forever. Who knows, she might be your one big love.” 

“Who’s your one big love, daddy?” Lily suddenly chimed in with her smile that was identical to Spencer’s. 

“Well you are pumpkin! You and your sister.” He glanced at Daisy who was still lost to her music. 

“Yay!” Lily giggled, suddenly throwing herself into Spencer’s lap. 

Spencer wrapped her in his arms while she buried her messy curls into his chest. 

“You’re my big love too, daddy!” She continued to giggle as Spencer cradled her. 

And god if his heart didn’t melt every damn time his daughters told them they loved him. 

He let himself revel in the feeling of his baby girl in his arms, knowing from experience with Daisy that moments like this might be few and far between in the future. 

He allowed himself a moment to simply savour the pure, unadulterated happiness of his daughter's embrace. 

***

On Sunday Daisy had a birthday party for one of her school friends so Spencer took Lily to the zoo. 

Her favourite animals were the otters and they spent almost an hour by their enclosure while she cooed over them and Spencer told her all the facts he knew about them. 

“Some otters hold hands while they sleep. It keeps them from drifting off from one another. They also sleep wrapped in kelp which acts like an anchor and prevents them from floating out into the ocean.”

“That’s so cute! I want to hold your hand while I sleep daddy!” 

“Baby otters are usually called pups. But they are also known as kits or kittens. Female otters are called sows and males are boars.”

“Am I a sow?”

“No, pumpkin, you're not an otter.” 

“I could be an otter.” 

“Sea otters have the world's thickest fur. They have as many as two point six million hairs per square inch which makes it about a thousand times denser than human hair. They need the extra fur because unlike other marine animals they don’t have a layer of blubber for insulation.”

“Blubber is a funny word!” 

They ate ice cream and Spencer purchased an otter stuffed toy for Lily in the gift shop. She named him “Blubber”. 

Despite no pandas being at the zoo they did have an array of panda bear stuffed animals, one of which he picked up for Daisy as they were her favourites. 

Lily fell asleep clutching Blubber in the backseat while Spencer drove from the zoo to pick up Daisy. 

He had to carry Lily to bed even though it was still early she was clearly exhausted. 

When he came back down he found Daisy sitting on the couch playing with her phone. 

To his surprise, when he entered the room, she put the device down. 

“Dad?”

“Yes pumpkin?” He came and sat next to her. 

“I’m sorry I made you mad the other day.” Her bright blue eyes welled with tears and it broke Spencer’s heart. 

“Oh sweetheart, you could never make me mad.” He immediately pulled his daughter into his arms and she snuggled against his chest. 

“I just don’t want the other kids to make fun of me.” She sniffed against his shirt. 

“If any of those kids ever make fun of you, you promise me you’ll tell me?” He stroked back her hair and placed a kiss on her crown. 

“I promise.” She nodded. 

“Because you know your uncle Luke can be pretty intimidating.” 

This caused Daisy to laugh and she sat back and allowed Spencer to wipe her tears with his thumbs. 

“Uncle Luke is a softy.” She smiled. 

“Most of the time. But if I tell him his niece has been picked on…he turns into the Incredible Hulk.” 

Daisy giggled clearly not believing that was possible. 

“Thanks dad.” She spoke once she stopped laughing. 

“For what?” 

She shrugged, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“For just…you know…being you.” 

“I don’t know how to be anyone else.” He smiled, reaching for his satchel on the floor. “You’re not too cool for stuffed bears right?” 

Her eyes widened in delight as he handed her the panda bear and she was quick to grab it and hug it to her chest. 

“No, I'm not too cool.” She sniffed against its fur. “Just don’t tell anyone.” 

“I promise.” Spencer smiled to himself. “How do you fancy a game of chess before bed?” 

She nodded happily and he helped her up from the couch and she held his hand all the way through to the dining room. 

Some days being a single dad sucked. But other days, it was the best goddamn thing in the whole world. 

This was one of those days. 

***

The week passed without incident and Spencer found himself growing nervous for his date with you. 

He hadn’t ever been on a first date before. He and Maeve never dated, and before Maeve, Spencer had only slept with two women, two past girlfriends but again he’d never really dated them. They had sex and hung out. He’d never taken a woman to dinner and tried to impress her. 

Not the way he was doing with you. 

He picked the girls up from school on Friday and drove them to Maeve and Bobby’s. As usual, he didn’t get out of the car, he watched until the girls were safely inside and then he drove away. 

Anything to avoid seeing his ex-wife and the man that ruined his marriage. 

He got a haircut, nothing too noteworthy, just a trim. He wanted to look his best for tomorrow night. 

He spent the evening trying on several different outfits he may wear on his date and hated every single one of them. 

He couldn’t sleep so he cleaned Lily's room. Then Daisy’s. 

He had a glass of scotch but stopped at one. It really wasn’t healthy for him to keep up the alcohol intake he’d been indulging in since his divorce. 

And he would not let himself be hungover tomorrow. He wanted to be in his best shape for you. 

He finally crawled into bed around two am but his nerves kept him awake another few hours. 

The following day he had four showers. Every time he felt himself getting a little sweaty, he showered again. 

He was a grown man with a good job. He was intelligent, owned his own home and had countless interesting things to talk about. He wasn’t entirely hard on the eyes either. 

And you clearly liked him, so why was he so nervous? 

After his fourth shower, he finally settled on an outfit which he spent longer than necessary pressing to ensure they were wrinkle free. 

He chose a burgundy button down shirt but he decided to bypass the tie he usually wore at work and left a few of the top buttons undone. He picked out a pair of black slacks and a pair of dress shoes, slinging a black suit jacket over the top. 

He ran his fingers through his hair several times to try and tame it but his hair never liked to do as it was told. 

He shaved again even though he’d shaved last night and if he wasn’t careful he was going to give himself a rash.

He sprayed on a little cologne, an old bottle he’d had for several years which he rarely wore. 

He left his satchel at home, slotting his wallet, phone and keys in his pockets instead. 

He drove into DC in his old car and arrived over a half hour early. 

Not wanting to seem too pathetic he sat in his car for a while, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in nervous anticipation. 

Did everyone feel this way when they went on dates or was it just him? Was he building this up to be more terrifying than it actually was? 

He was the man who married a woman he barely knew, which took a certain level of assuredness. Granted, that hadn’t worked out well for him but still, was he this nervous when he married Maeve? 

It was just dinner. Dinner that would hopefully end in sex that Spencer so sorely needed. 

He was charming. He was intelligent. This shouldn’t phase him as much as it was. 

And maybe if it wasn’t you, he would be fine. 

But you were younger than him, and you were beautiful and sweet and funny. Why would you want to date a single, divorced dad? 

Surely you could have the pick of guys your own age who didn’t have his kind of baggage. 

It would be a very steady decline into self-pity if he kept thinking like this. He needed to go into that restaurant full of confidence like he had been when he’d asked you out in the first place. 

You thought you were having dinner with the collected Doctor Reid who had his life together, not neurotic Spencer who had never gotten over his old hang ups. 

He took some deep breaths and tried to tell himself that any woman would be lucky to go on a date with him. He didn’t believe it. But he had to try. 

He made it into the restaurant about fifteen minutes early and the hostess showed him to a table by the window. 

He considered ordering a bottle of wine but Maeve’s words were still torturing his brain and also he didn’t know if you even liked wine. He didn’t want to be one of those men that ordered for their dates. 

He settled on a glass of water to quench his extremely dry mouth and sipped it while he waited, his leg bouncing up and down under the table in anticipation. 

You arrived a few minutes after seven and Spencer felt the whole world stop turning on its axis when you walked his way. 

You lit up the entire restaurant. Your smile alone was brighter than all the stars in the sky. And the best part about it was it was all for him. 

You were honed in on him, blinkered to everyone else around him. The way you were looking solely at him brought back a bit of that confidence he’d been desperate to find. 

You wore a sinfully tight, emerald green satin dress that hugged you in ways that should be illegal. It came down past your knees with a slit up one thigh and was low cut enough to give Spencer a wonderful view but still left enough to the imagination. 

Your bare, silky legs led to a pair black stilettos that accentuated your calves. Spencer didn’t think calf muscles had ever been so sexy before.

Your hair and make-up was done to perfection, clearly a lot of work went into your look. And Spencer appreciated it greatly. 

He stood from his chair as you approached and he caught the aroma of your floral perfume as he embraced you. His hands practically glided over the fabric of your dress and landed on your lower back. 

“Hi,” you spoke softly against his ear. 

“Hi.” He pulled back, giving you one last look up and down. “You look…just…god…”

You smiled brightly. You’d rendered him speechless, exactly the effect you were after. 

Spencer held out your chair and you slid into it before he took his own seat opposite.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. It was a nice excuse to get dressed up.” You picked up your napkin and placed it on your lap.

“Oh so this isn’t for my benefit?” Spencer followed suite and did the same. 

“Can’t a woman just want to look good for herself?” You raised an eyebrow at him but you had an amused smirk on your lips. 

“Absolutely. And you should. No one should ever feel like they have to dress up for anyone other than themselves. But just know, I think you look incredible.” 

“Well that’s good to know. I suppose it was maybe a little for your benefit.” You conceded. 

“I’m flattered.” He smiled at you. 

“As you should be.” 

The restaurant was bustling, nearly every table was occupied. Idle chatter filled the air but neither of you seemed to notice. 

You got a little lost just looking at each other and you didn’t notice the waiter sidle up to your table until he cleared his throat. 

Spencer’s eyes snapped up at him.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” 

Spencer looked back at you.

“What would you like?” He asked you. 

“I prefer red wine, Merlot, but I’m happy to have white if you’d prefer?” 

Since his separation, Spencer had taken to drinking pretty much anything he could get his hands on. He didn’t say that though. 

“A bottle of your best Merlot, please.” He smiled at the waiter who nodded and turned away. 

You flicked open your menu and started pursuing it. 

“Have you been here before?” You asked, glancing up at him. 

“No, never. My friend Luke recommended it. He said the lamb is to die for if you like lamb of course.” 

“I love lamb.” You closed the menu. “I will trust your friend's judgement.”

“You’ve never met him, you don’t know that he’s trustworthy.” Spencer chuckled. 

“True but you seem trustworthy. So I’m going to assume your friends are too.” You smiled so sweetly at him that Spencer couldn’t help but reach across the table and take hold of your hand. 

You didn’t seem to mind as you entwined your fingers with his. 

“I don’t know if this is weird of me to say, but I think this is the first date I’ve ever been on.” He blurted out. 

You raised a curious eyebrow at him. 

“You were married. You never took your ex-wife on a date?” 

Spencer sighed, he should have known this would come up. Why did he say anything? 

But he supposed if the two of you were going to date, to get to know one another, you’d have to know the story eventually. 

The wine was brought over and the waiter poured you both a glass and took your food orders. 

You were still looking at him expectantly. It was now or never. 

“My relationship with my ex-wife was complicated.” He used his free hand to take a sip of wine. “She was supposed to be a one night stand, but she got pregnant with Daisy. The honourable thing to do seemed to be marrying her. So no, we never really dated as such.” 

“Oh.” You nodded. “Can I ask how long you’ve been divorced?” 

“We’ve been separated for a year and the divorce was finalised a few months ago.” He confessed. 

“Wow, recently then.” You chewed on your lip. 

“Y/N,” he squeezed your hand. “I don’t have any residual feelings towards my ex-wife. Ours was always more a marriage of convenience. We have two beautiful daughters together and I wouldn’t change them for the world. But my ex-wife is completely out of the picture. Trust me.” 

“Ok.” You smiled. “I just wouldn’t want to say, fall for someone who wasn’t available.” 

“I’m very much available.” He smiled, giving your hand another squeeze. “Mostly to you. Only to you in fact.” 

Your smile grew quickly, taking up your whole face. 

“You sure do know the right things to say, Doctor.” 

“I’m trying my best.” He laughed lightly. 

He steered the conversation off of his ex-wife and onto the doctorate you were working on. Conversation between the two of you was easy, comfortable.

Spencer didn’t think he’d ever felt so comfortable around someone before. 

The food was brought over when you were on your second glass of wine and as Luke described, the lamb was to die for. 

Half through his meal Spencer felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He ignored it, thinking there wasn’t anything more important than being here with you right now. 

He also ignored it the second time it rang but by the third time he knew he needed to check who was frantically calling him. 

He sighed loudly when he saw her name on the display. 

“I’m so sorry, I really need to take this. It might be about the kids.” He slid his chair back and stood up.

“Of course, take your time.” You smiled at him and it melted his heart. 

He hurried back through to the entrance way of the restaurant and frustratedly answered the phone. 

“What? What could you possibly want?” He growled. 

It better be important for Maeve to be interrupting his date. 

“I’m at the hospital. Daisy had a fall, the doctors think she broke her arm.” Maeve’s voice was stoic, if not a little annoyed that she’d had to call him.

“Hospital?” He croaked, his annoyance instantly replaced by fear. “Is she…is ok?” 

“She’s in a little pain but she’s brave. We’re just waiting on the x-ray results. I just thought you should know. She’s asking for you.” 

“I’ll be right there.” With that he hung up, not wanting to prolong a conversation with her. 

The last thing he wanted to do was abandon you on your date but his daughters came first. 

He looked sheepish as he walked back over and you already knew what was coming. 

“You have to leave?” You placed your cutlery on the sides of the plate. 

“I am so, so sorry. My daughter is in the hospital, possible broken arm. I have to be there.” 

“Of course.” You smiled sweetly. “Of course, you should go.” 

Spencer pulled his wallet from his back pocket and threw a sizable amount of bills on the table. 

“Please stay. Order dessert or another bottle of wine. Get yourself a cab. I’m so sorry.” He looked torn. 

You pushed your chair back and stood up. You moved closer to him and placed your hands on his shoulders before planting the softest kiss on the corner of his mouth. 

“Go be with your daughter. I understand.” 

If he wasn’t already completely infatuated with you, he would be now. 

You seemed so genuine, you understood when not a lot of women would. 

He gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“I will make this up to you, I promise.” He whispered. 

“Oh I know you will.” You smiled and patted his arm. “Now go! I’m fine.” 

“Thank you for understanding.” He kissed your cheek before hurrying away. If he didn’t, it would have been impossible to leave you. 

Anger and fear swelled on his veins as he drove to the hospital. And he didn’t know which to feel first. 

***

“Daddy, look!” 

He found his eldest daughter, ex-wife and her boyfriend in a treatment room but he ignored everything that wasn’t Daisy. 

“Sweetheart, are you ok?” He rushed to her side, examining the thick cast on her left arm. 

“It’s purple dad! Your favourite colour.” She smiled at him, proffering her cast. 

“It’s pretty.” He stroked back her hair. “Does it hurt?”

“Hmm not too much.” 

“You’re so brave, pumpkin.” He kissed her forehead and looked back at Maeve. “Where’s Lily?” 

“With The Jones’ next door. We didn’t want to worry her.” Maeve folded her arms, gearing up for a fight. There was always a fight with Spencer. 

“What happened?” 

“Let’s step outside.” Maeve suggested, not wanting to argue in front of Daisy. And there would be an argument. “Daisy, stay here with Bobby for a moment ok?” 

“Ok mom!” She beamed. 

She was so, so brave. Spencer didn’t know where she got it from. 

He followed his ex-wife out of the room, taking deep breaths to try and control his anger. 

It was louder in the corridor, doctors and nurses hurrying past in every which direction. He watched some doctors wheel a patient in a gurney towards a bank of elevators, letting them pass before he spoke again. 

“What happened?” 

“The girls were playing upstairs. I guess they were jumping on the bed and Daisy fell.” 

“You guess?” Spencer spat. “Why weren’t you watching them?” 

“I can’t watch them every second of the day, Spencer. They’re kids. These things happen.”

“Funny that nothing like this has ever happened when they’ve been under my care.” Spencer spat. 

“They’re kids, Spencer.” Maeve repeated. “I’m sure you don’t have your eyes on them every moment they are with you.” 

“What were you doing?”

“What?” 

“What were you doing when she fell?”

“I don’t remember.” Maeve frowned, averting her gaze.

Spencer felt a hole form in the pit of his stomach as the realisation hit him. 

“You we’re having sex right?” He saw right through her. “You and Bobby were having sex so you weren’t paying any attention to the kids. My kid got hurt because you can’t keep it in your pants for one weekend?” 

“They were playing. They didn’t need to be supervised!” Maeve raised her voice a little. 

“Unbelievable.” Spencer stepped closer to her, proffering a threatening finger in her direction. “My kid is in there with a broken arm because you and your asshole boyfriend couldn’t keep your hands to yourself! For fuck sake Maeve!” 

“Oh because you and I never had sex while the girls were playing? Grow up Spencer! This wasn’t anybody's fault. Accidents happen.” Maeve slapped his hand away. 

Another series of nurses rushed past and Spencer held his tongue until they were alone again. 

“Not on my watch they don’t. I’m taking them home.” He turned his back on her towards the door of the treatment room but Maeve grabbed him by the shoulder. 

She spun him back to face her, her eyes almost bulging from her head. 

“You are not taking them anywhere.” She spat viciously.

“Watch me.” He retorted with just as much venom. 

“You’ve been drinking.” She countered, glaring at him. “I can smell it on your breath and your lips are stained red! You are not taking my daughters anywhere while you're drunk.” 

“I had one glass of wine with dinner.” He clenched his jaw. “I had my first date tonight since you left. And this is what happens!” 

“Y-you we’re on a date?” Maeve’s while demeanour suddenly shifted and if Spencer wasn’t mistaken he was sure he saw a hurt in her eyes. 

“Yes I was. What, did you expect me to pine over my adulterous ex-wife forever?” He snarled at her. 

She pushed down whatever it was she felt in hearing about Spencer’s date and focused on the issue at hand. 

“You’re not taking them anywhere. It’s my weekend with them. I don’t care if you had one sip of wine. You are not taking them home. You will pick them up tomorrow evening like always. And if you try to take them away, so help me god I will call the cops.” 

“What do you think the cops are going to do? She got hurt on your watch. I have primary custody.” 

“They could breathalyse you.” She smiled smugly. “I assume you drove here, right? And I’d be willing to bet you’re over the legal limit. Walk away, Spencer. Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.” 

Spencer clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides. No one could push his buttons the way Maeve did. 

His anger was flooding his body, filling him to the rim with a white hot rage. He hated her. God how he hated her. 

But he knew this wasn’t a battle he was going to win. 

“Let me at least say goodbye to her.” He conceded. 

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes. 

Spencer let himself back into the room and ignored Bobby who was making Daisy laugh about something. 

Her eyes lit up as she saw him enter the room. She swung her legs back and forth off the edge of the metal table and cradled her broken arm in her lap. 

“Hi pumpkin.” Spencer came over to her and cupped her face in his hands. “Are you ok?”

“I think so.” She smiled at him. 

“I’m glad. You should go home and get some rest, ok?” He kissed her forehead. “And when you go back to school next week all your friends can sign your cast.” 

“Ok dad.” She nodded. 

“I love you baby girl, I’ll see you tomorrow ok?” 

“I love you too, dad.” She smiled and he kissed her again. 

He shot a look at Bobby, at least he knew better than to try and talk to him and he completely ignored Maeve as he dragged himself out the room. 

Anger coursed through his body and he knew he needed to blow off some steam. On a whim he pulled his phone from his pocket as he was leaving the hospital and dialled a familiar number. 

You answered on the second ring. He could tell by the background noise that you were no longer in the restaurant or at home. 

“Where are you?” He asked, skipping the pleasantries. 

“Westerns Bar near DuPont Circle.” 

“Do you fancy some company?” 

There was a small pause before you spoke again, filling Spencer with anticipation. 

“Only if it’s yours.” 

“I’ll be right there.” He smiled to himself, jumping back in his car. 

If anything was going to calm him after his run in with Maeve and seeing his daughter in hospital it was seeing you. 

Hopefully seeing all of you. 

Chapter Text

You light the spark in my bonfire heart,

People like us, we don't,

Need that much just someone that starts,

Starts the spark in our bonfire hearts.

You had a shot waiting for him when he arrived. He picked it up and tossed it back before even saying hello. 

Clearly sensing his mood, you pushed your own shot towards him which he downed also. 

“Is your daughter ok?” You spoke once he’d swallowed the liquid. 

“She’s fine. My ex-wife and her boyfriend were having sex when she got hurt. We fought. We always fight.” He ran his fingers through his hair. 

You stepped closer to him, placing your hands on his chest and Spencer felt himself melting at your close proximity. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.” He shook his head. “I want to do anything but talk about it.” 

He stared into your eyes and everything seemed to feel far less complicated when he was looking at you. 

It was as though one look at you and all of life’s problems melted away. The only thing that mattered when he looked at you, was you. 

You kept your hands on his chest and the warmth from your touch encompassed Spencer. 

His eyes glanced over your lips which looked so inviting in the way they were parted slightly in a smile while you waited for his next move. 

He moved one hand to the back of your head and gripped it tightly in his large hand whilst drawing you close before he crashed your lips together with bruising force. 

You were quick to wrap your arms around his neck and part your lips for him to deepen the kiss which he did. 

He explored your mouth hungrily, his desperation evident with the way he held you close to him. 

You weren’t usually so quick to allow yourself to get close to someone but Spencer was an exception. You would let this man have you in anyway he saw fit. 

The kiss was heated and you could feel he was aroused as he pressed his body against yours. 

He kept a tight hold on the back of your head as though he worried you might disappear. His other hand cupped your hip through the silky fabric of your dress. 

The noise of the bar filtered away. Spencer was honed in on every little movement of your body against his. 

Your breasts pressed against his chest and heaved with your breathing. Your mouth was warm and inviting and your tongue worked with his in perfect rhythm. The contour of your hip fit perfectly beneath his hand. 

You were both panting when the kiss broke and he stroked your hair back off your face. 

“I’m not going to lie to you.” He panted. “I want to take you home.” 

You felt a heat spread between your legs at his words and the way he was looking at you. You wanted him to take you home too. 

You weren’t usually this quick to jump into bed with someone but you couldn’t help yourself. The way he kissed you had sealed your fate. 

“My roommates are home.” You pouted. 

“Come back to my place.” He didn’t miss a beat. “I live out in Virginia but I’ll need to come and get my car tomorrow so cab fare is on me.” He smirked a little.

“Ok.” You agreed. “Yes. Let’s…please?” 

He kissed you again briefly before taking hold of your hand and the two you fled into the night. 

***

The cab ride was charged with sexual tension. Spencer didn’t want to be the guy who made the cabbie uncomfortable by getting hot and heavy in the backseat so he kept his lips to himself. 

His hand had other ideas. 

It started on your knee but as the journey went on it got higher and higher up your thigh until it was ghosting over the fabric of your panties. 

You were soaking wet, trying to clamp your thighs together but Spencer kept them apart, smirking at you. 

By the time he paid the driver he was desperate for you, more desperate than he’d ever been for another human being. 

He was hard and straining against his slacks which made walking to his front door rather awkward. 

You admired the sizable detached suburban home as you followed him through the gate, down the path and up the wooden steps leading to the porch. 

He got the door unlocked and let you inside. He watched as you glanced around the room, taking in the decor.

The walls were a chirpy yellow colour paired with a cream carpet. The furniture was bright, airy colours which were in stark contrast to his office at Georgetown. 

Plush cushions lined the couch and a fuzzy blanket hung off one arm. There was a neat little shoe rack by the door that housed a couple of pairs of adult shoes but mostly ones belonging to children. 

A backpack lay abandoned in the cream armchair next to the bookshelf which didn’t seem to house as many books as you would have expected. 

A large flat screen TV was mounted to the wall presumably to keep out of reach of little hands. 

There was what you presumed was a kitchen off to the left and a door that lead to a corridor and the staircase next to the couch. 

You were aware you didn’t know him very well but this was not what you expected his home to look like. 

“This is not at all where I pictured you to live.” You mused out loud. 

“We moved here when Lily was born. I still haven’t redecorated since my ex moved out. Things are hectic with work and two kids.” He glanced around too, feeling oddly self conscious about his abode. 

“Fair enough.” You smiled at him and slinked closer. You snaked your arms around his neck and pressed your body against his. “Do you want to take me to the bedroom, Doctor Reid?” 

“Oh fuck,” he hissed. “You have no idea.” 

He kissed you again, cupping your face and grinding his hips against yours. 

Before things got too heated he pulled back so he could take hold of your hand and lead you towards the stairs. 

You kicked off your shoes at the bottom of the staircase so you could hurry after him. The stairs were carpeted the same colour as the living room and the wooden handrail was painted white. 

He led you past several rooms, one of which had a bright pink sign that read “Lily” and another next door with a blue sign reading “Daisy”. 

He shoved open a door at the end of the corridor and pulled you inside with him. 

Once again his bedroom wasn’t as you would have expected. It was a much more feminine decor than you anticipated but he had told you he hadn’t had a chance to decorate. 

The walls were a stark white colour, almost too bright to look at. A large mantle surrounded an ornate fireplace that looked as though it had never been used. Photographs of the kids adorned the mantle, a few others of a younger Spencer with a group of people you assumed to be his old team at the BAU.  

There was a vintage dressing table in one corner with a large mirror and a little stool. Had a woman lived here the table would be covered with perfumes and make-up products but as such was littered with books and newspapers and even a pair of mismatched socks. 

Large floor to ceiling wardrobes took up an entire wall and you could not imagine Spencer had enough clothes to fill them all. 

The large bed was the centerpiece of the room. It had a white swirling metal bed frame and bed sheets matching in colour. The bed was made with near military precision. 

You could tell which side of the bed belonged to Spencer due to only one night stand having anything on it. His side of the bed held a clock, three books and like his office desk, several coffee stains. 

The other nightstand was completely bare.

There was a door on the far side which you assumed led to an en-suite. 

Spencer watched you take in the room for a moment, feeling uncomfortable at you having to be surrounded by all his ex’s decorative choices. 

Suddenly, without warning, he pushed you back against the wall. His lips crashed against yours, practically forcing the air from your lungs. 

He pinned you back against the wall with his hips, his hard member thrust against you. 

“Full disclosure,” he panted a little against your lips. “I haven’t had sex with anyone other than my ex in a really long time.” 

“Hopefully I won’t disappoint.” You toyed with the top button of his shirt. 

“My love, you could never disappoint me.” He kissed you again while you started working on the buttons of his shirt. 

“I don’t normally do this.” You spoke into the kiss whilst fumbling a little with the buttons.

“Do what?” His hands started to wander over your back until he located the zipper of your dress. 

“This. Sleeping with someone on a first date.” 

“No judgments here.” He cautiously tugged it down and by the time it was undone and he pulled back from the kiss you’d gotten his shirt unbuttoned.

He looked utterly glorious with his kiss swollen lips and heavy lust filled eyes. His shirt hung open from his shoulders showcasing the beautiful alabaster flesh of his torso. 

You placed your hands flush on his chest and the warmth of your skin melting together made him moan as he shrugged off the shirt and let it fall to the floor. 

You ran your nails lightly over his pectoral muscles and a feral hiss burst forth from his throat. 

You did again, applying more pressure and leaving behind little scratch marks in his skin. Spencer throbbed against the confines of his pants, desperate to be freed. 

He moved his hands down to the hem of your dress and slowly raised the fabric, up your silky thighs, over your resplendent hips and stomach and finally over your chest and head. 

Dropping the garment to the floor and stepping back so he could get a good look at you, a seismic moan erupted from deep in his lungs at the vision of you now standing in nothing but a black lace thong. 

Every inch of your exposed skin was begging to be touched, it was screaming at Spencer to reach out and run his fingers along. 

“It’s impossible to find a bra to wear with that dress.” You smirked. 

“I’m not complaining.” He lunged at you and kissed you hard, your back slamming against the wall. 

You gasped at the collision and he plunged his tongue in your mouth while you worked on his belt and pants. 

You fumbled slightly, head hazy from how turned on you were. Spencer’s kisses and the way he grinded against you made your brain shut down so it took longer than was necessary to get his belt and buttons undone. 

Once they were, he helped you wiggle them over his hips and down his legs, where he kicked them off his feet, all the while kissing you passionately. 

Now just in his boxers you could easily feel his erection pressing against you through the flimsy material and you clamped your thighs together as a heat spread through you. 

His hands meandered down your bare sides, blindly appreciating the curves and angles of your body. 

One ended up on your lower back and the other took purchase on your hip. It enabled him to move you back from the wall and guide you across the room whilst keeping his lips firm on yours. 

The backs of your legs struck the bed and Spencer tore his lips away from yours so he could manoeuvre you onto the mattress. 

His hair was fluffy and untamed and his lips were even puffier than before. 

You laid on your back, breathing heavily and Spencer watched in awe as you chest heaved with each breath. 

The room already held the aroma of sex, it was thick and heavy in the best possible way. 

He observed you for a moment, taking heed of all the things he wanted to do to you. 

Sex with Maeve had always been good but it was more perfunctory. There was the bare minimum foreplay with hands only. But Spencer wanted more with you. He wanted to take his time. He wanted to have you completely at his mercy. 

The bed creaked a little as he knelt on the end of it and crawled up the soft linen bed sheets towards you. 

He caught a fleeting scent of the freshly laundered sheets as they creased beneath him but the closer he got to you, your natural perfume took over, the intoxicating fragrance of your arousal between your legs. 

He hooked his fingers in the sides of your panties, quickly tugging them down your legs in impatience.  

You gasped as the cool air hit your naked core and wanton moans spilled from his lips at the sight of you with your legs spread just for him. 

“You are a fucking angel.” He ghosted his fingers up your thighs, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps on your flesh. “I’m going to worship you like a goddamn altar.” 

He bowed his head and trailed kisses up your inner thigh. He could feel the heat emanating from you and his cock against the inside of his pants. 

Each kiss caused more goosebumps to flare over your skin, a small vestige of the way he was making you feel. 

His lips travelled to your hip bones and stomach, tasting the subtle flavour of salty sweat. 

You reached for him, hands finding a home in his messy hair and entwining deep within the locks. 

You back arched off the bed as his lips gently pressed against the uppermost part of your inner thigh. You felt his warm breath fanning between your legs. 

You were already drenched, leaking onto Spencer’s clean sheets. The smell of your arousal was all around him. 

“Please,” you whined pathetically. “Please!” 

“Please what, angel?” He smirked against your thigh, glancing up through his lashes. 

“Please…goddamnit!” You whimpered. “Please eat my pussy!” 

He growled against your skin, sending vibrations through your body while his cock pulsed painfully. 

His touch was almost featherlight when he ran a single digit through your folds, capturing how wet your pussy was for him. 

Spencer couldn’t begin to describe the feeling of knowing how turned on you were when he’d barely touched you. He didn’t especially understand it, but he was utterly pleased by it.

He inched his lips over and lapped his tongue over your swollen and desperate clit. Your back arched off the bed again as a moan ripped through your body. 

He quickly settled into a rhythm, circling his tongue over your sensitive bud. His tongue was deft and experienced and it caused your toes to curl. 

Moans and whimpers filled the otherwise silent room as you started to rock against his face signifying you needed more. 

He smiled against you, applying pressure with his tongue as he flicked your clit and sucked in his cheeks. 

Your breathing was heavy and you wiggled beneath him, thighs clamping around his face while your fingers tugged on his hair. 

He ran his fingers through your slickness again causing you to squirm a little and then howl when two fingers suddenly entered you. 

Your back arched once more and a string of incoherent murmurs left your lips. His fingers dove as deep inside your trembling cunt as possible and curled inside of you, brushing against your g-spot. 

His tongue didn’t quit however, he never gave up his focus on your clit and made sure to continue massaging you with his mouth while his fingers worked inside of you. 

He used his free hand to stroke his length through his boxers. He wanted to take you so badly, to pound his cock into you and watch you squirm, feel you pulsing around him. 

But you tasted delirious and he never wanted this to end. If he could only taste one thing for the rest of his life, it would be your arousal. 

The taste of you alone was bringing himself close to orgasm. He’d removed his hand from his shaft in lieu of grinding pathetically against the mattress just to feel some friction. 

He wanted to make you come like this, to savour your orgasm on his tongue before he made you come again with his cock. 

The thought was enough to make him moan into you, sending a vibration through your whole body. 

It had been far too long since he’d felt himself inside of a tight pussy. He had a feral need to feel you sinking down on his cock and have your walls fluttering around him as he filled you in a way you’d never been filled before. 

His tongue was unyielding, never letting up its beautiful ministrations while his fingers thrust and plunge in and out of you, pulling close to the brink in barely any time at all. 

He felt you clenching around his fingers and picked up his speed, ensuring he was brushing right up against your bundle of nerves. 

Your toes curled and you pressed your thighs against his face again, whimpering as tears gathered at the corners of your eyes. 

“Are you close?” He spoke against your quivering cunt, tongue dancing over your clit. 

“E-embarrassingly so.” You whimpered, pulling against his hair and rocking your hips. “Y-you’re too g-good at this.” 

He chuckled and you felt it vibrate through your whole body. You pulled hard on the roots of his hair as your orgasm bubbled in the pit of your stomach. 

Spencer didn’t let up. He was anything but cautious when he added a third finger in the hopes of opening you up better for his cock. It made you mewl and buck your hips against his face. 

He sucked on your clit, flicking it back and forth with his tongue and revelling in your juices on his taste buds. 

Tears were now pricking your eyes as they rolled back in your head. You’d never felt such intense pleasure before, the kind that spread a fire to each one of your nerve endings. 

You clamped tightly around Spencer’s fingers again and suddenly your whole body started to convulse on the bed and you screamed his name as your orgasm wracked your frame. 

You instantly tried to wriggle away from him. He withdrew his fingers and used his hands to hold you down to the mattress by your thighs and carried on lapping at your throbbing cunt. 

“S-Spencer!” You whined. “Fuck…fuck…” 

Your body trembled violently at the overstimulation but he didn’t let up, running his tongue up and down your folds to capture every tiny drop of your orgasm. Every now and again he’d flick your clit with his tongue and your body would spasm wildly. 

“Fuck…p-please!” You wailed. “T-too much.” 

He smirked but he didn’t stop just yet. You tasted phenomenal and he wanted to relish in it, to savour it. 

You were whining pathetically and tears spilled from your eyes when he wouldn’t stop. He was like a man possessed as his mouth worked you.

“What do you want, angel?” He spoke against your lips, letting one finger dance between them again. 

You shuddered, trying to press your legs together but his head was in the way. 

“F-fuck…” you sobbed. “F-fuck me. Please for the l-love of god, fuck me, S-Spencer.” 

He hissed and grinding himself against the mattress again. He lapped through your legs one last time to ensure he’d done a thorough job cleaning you up before he sat back and wiped your slick from his mouth with the back of his hand. 

He looked delectable. His eyes were practically black and hooded with lust. His swollen lips were coated with a sheen of your arousal. 

His hard length could barely be contained by his boxers and his head peaked out above the waistband. 

He fell on top of you and kissed you, tongue diving into your mouth so you could taste yourself.

He wrapped his arms around you and manoeuvred the two of you so you were now on top of him. Tears streamed down your cheeks and your pupils were blown out wide. 

“Want to take my pants off, princess?” He cupped your jaw. 

You nodded dumbly, taking a few seconds before you actually moved. 

You helped him out of his boxers and tossed them aside before kneeling over him again.

You took his already leaking shaft in your hand and started stroking him. He moaned while he fumbled with the drawer of the nightstand, clumsily trying to locate a condom. 

He was hard as heavy in your hand and you knew it would probably be a stretch to fit him inside of you. But the thought of your body bending and moving at the will of his cock made you delirious. 

You stroked him until he found a condom and then took it from him and tore the packet open. 

You rolled the condom over his pulsing member and kept your hand around the base to line him up. He was so thick your hand only didn’t quite wrap all the way around him. 

You knelt over him, your body still unsteady from your orgasm, and guided him between your legs where your come still leaked down your inner thighs.

He growled when the tip of his cock pressed against your entrance. He could already feel how much of a stretch it would be for you to conform to him. He was large, bigger than most and he’d already felt how tight your sweet little pussy was. 

It had been too long since he’d been inside of someone. It had been well over a year since he’d been intimate with anyone and for a third of his life he’d only had sex with one woman. 

As you started lowering yourself on him his first thought was how different you felt. But different in all the best ways. 

It should have been illegal how tight you were. He felt your walls spreading, expanding just to accommodate him. He adored the way your body was happy to adjust itself to host him. You were adapting to his heavy length, modifying yourself so you could take all of him inside of you. 

It was the sexiest feeling in the world, knowing he had the power to change your body in such a way. 

Your eyes rolled back into your head and your mouth fell open as he bottomed out. The stretch he’d caused in your cunt burned a little but the way his cock was pulsing against your walls was like nothing you’d ever felt before. 

You already looked fucked out and he hadn’t even started yet. He reached for your face and ran his finger along your bottom lip. 

You drew his finger into your mouth and sucked on it, causing his hips to buck up inside of you. You started slowly rocking back and forth on his dick, but Spencer needed more than that. 

He’d been patient. He’d focused on you and giving you as much pleasure as was humanly possible but now he needed more. 

He’d been involuntarily celibate for long enough. He needed to get off inside your sinfully tight cunt. 

He started fucking up into you, thrusting and pounding into your deliciously taut pussy, feeling you expand more around him with each hard propulsion of his hips. 

You were whimpering, tears spilling from your eyes looking as though you could barely hold yourself up right. 

Spencer leant up on his elbows taking in the sight of you, a completely fucking mess come undone for him. 

He wrapped his arms around you and pushed you back to the mattress, caging his hips against yours now he was on top of you. 

He hovered over you, his hands either side of your face as he started thrusting again. From the angle he was able to control the pace better, slamming inside of you harder and faster, his hips snapping and buckling and the sound of your flesh slapping together filling the room. 

Your chest heaved again with your breaths and Spencer was mesmerised by the way it caused your beautiful tits to bounce. 

You laid against the soft sheets and took everything he had to give you. You spread your legs wider for him, wrapping them around his waist and letting him use you how he wanted. 

His desperation showed through in the way he roughly fucked you but he had a sweet smile on his lips. You loved letting him have full control over you, adored the way you were completely at his mercy. 

“Fuck angel, you’re so fucking tight.” He panted, pounding against your g-spot and making you mewl.

“I…feel good?” 

“So good, sweetheart. Fucking perfect. Such a beautifully tight cunt all for me.”

Your chest wracked with a moan and practically clamped around him. 

“Yours. I’m yours.” You simpered, reaching for him and tugging him down for a sloppy kiss. 

Spencer buried himself deep inside of you, rolling his hips a little and grinding against you as a slight reprieve from his onslaught. 

He felt his orgasm pooling in his chest and spreading down towards his stomach, turning his body rigid as it went. 

Despite the condom Spencer couldn’t bring himself to come inside of you. He wanted to, my god how he wanted to. But he’d made that mistake before, not that his girls were mistakes, but he wouldn’t chance it. Not even with a condom on. 

“Can you come for me again, angel?” He slammed into you once more, wanting to push you over your edge first so he could experience how your orgasm felt while he was buried inside of you. 

“Hmm.” You hummed, your body beginning to tremble again. 

He roughly grabbed you by your hips and angled you upwards so he could nudge against your g-spot. 

Your eyes shot open and a half moan, half sob escaped your lips. 

“Just there?” He asked with a sly smirk, desperate to get you off first. 

“Y-yes! Yes! F-fuck yes, Spencer!” You screamed and suddenly your walls were clenching heavily around his shaft and your body started to tremble violently as your second orgasm wracked your body. 

The sounds coming out of you were nothing short of feral and you grabbed him by his shoulders and slammed your lips against his. 

He swallowed down your moans, burying himself deep inside of you again. He stayed perfectly still while you rode out your orgasm, trying to push down his own. 

He tasted your tears on your lips and he gently cupped your face and guided his lips away so he could see the pleasure contort your features. 

You were a fucking ethereal being. The gratification that spread across your sweat sheened face and the way he could still feel your walls fluttering around his cock was the most breathtaking experience of his life. 

He never wanted it to end. 

But of course your body started to relax around him as you came down from your high. He was careful when he pulled out, making you whine slightly.

He rolled the condom back off his desperate cock and knelt over. 

You eyes followed his hand down to his shaft and you stared dumbly as he started stroking himself. 

You moaned in a primal fashion and your hands travelled to your breasts where you tweaked your nipples between your fingers. 

Spencer bucked his hips as he watched you do so, groaned loudly. 

“Fuck.” He cried. “Fuck I’m gonna…come. Gonna come.” 

He increased his speed with his hand and then his stomach was tightening into knots and his orgasm he’d been building towards all night hit him suddenly. 

Streaks of his hot come covered your heaving chest and the sight of you glistening from his load was too sexy for words. 

He pumped himself through his orgasm, his legs shaking and his cock twitching in his hand. 

He stayed kneeling over you until his legs could barely hold him up anymore and he collapsed next to you on the mattress. 

He guided you onto your side by your shoulder, your skin damp with sweat. He cupped your cheek and brushed your tears away with the pad of his thumb. 

“Are you ok, angel?” He breathed heavily. 

“Very.” You mumbled with a dopey smile. 

“We need to clean you up.” He kissed your forehead lovingly before forcing himself up from the bed. 

He picked you up, cradling you in his arms and carried you through to the bathroom where he set you on your feet in the shower. 

He turned on the water and joined you, wrapping his arms around you to keep you up right. 

Your body tingled, your nerve endings still aflame from your two orgasms. Your legs trembled every now and again but you knew Spencer was there to keep you steady. 

He held you so softly. Your back was pressed against his chest and his arms draped carefully around your stomach. 

He rested his head in the crook of his neck, water rolling off his hair and onto your chest. 

You felt every single one of his breaths against your back, the way his chest moved in and out with the motion. 

You lazily brought one hand to meet his and threaded your fingers together as the water cleansed your aching bodies. 

Spencer breathed you in. He just took a few moments to relish in all that was you. 

You smelt like sex and something floral. Your wet hair was soft against the side of his face. The skin of your stomach was soft beneath his fingertips. 

Spencer had never felt peace like this. He felt completely and utterly safe and calm with you wrapped in his embrace. There was no other feeling like this in the world. 

You stood this way for several minutes wrapped up in each other. You swayed slightly in his arms and he couldn’t be held accountable for the way you ass rubbing against his crotch caused him to grow hard again. 

You turned in his arms and looked up at him through your wet lashes. He cupped your jaw and drew you in for a kiss. 

It wasn’t supposed to be sexual, he wasn’t trying to insinuate anything. So when your hand wrapped around his shaft he gasped against your lips. 

“Fuck.” He spoke into your mouth. “You don’t…you don’t have to…”

“Shush.” You laughed a little sleepily. “Just enjoy this.” 

Your lips trailed down his jaw and then to his neck. Spencer threw his head back to allow you a better advantage. 

Still slowly stroking him, your lips made their way to his collarbones and down his chest before continuing downwards. 

Suddenly you dropped to your knees in the shower basin and wasted no time taking him in your mouth. 

Spencer growled loudly as his cock hit the back of your throat and his knees buckled. He quickly reached out for the tiled wall and steadied his hands on them. 

He must be in heaven. You had to be an angel. 

There was no way you could be human and make him feel this good.

***

The two of you had sex three more times after the shower but each time, despite the condom, Spencer always pulled out before he came. 

After what he’d told you about getting his future wife pregnant after a one night stand, you completely understood. You just hoped it didn’t ruin his enjoyment. 

By the time you fell asleep you were completely fucked out, sore but utterly satisfied. 

You had the best night sleep you’d had in a long time. So did Spencer. 

When you woke up you were on your side with Spencer spooning you. 

You knew he was awake by the way his hand wandered up and down your bare thigh. He was hard too and pressing against your lower back.

“Are you awake?” He panted against your neck, hand moving between your legs. 

“Hmmm.” You hummed. 

“Can I?” He asked permission. 

“Please.” 

He didn’t wait any longer and parted your legs with his thigh before rubbing his fingertip against your clit. You were soaked within seconds of him touching you. 

You heard a condom wrapper being torn open and he used his free hand to roll it over his length. He kept his finger on your clit as he pushed into you from behind.

He made sleepy love to you and between his cock and his fingers you came in next to no time. 

When he pulled out and stripped off the condom, you rolled onto your back and pulled him close, drawing his cock into your mouth. 

You let him come down your throat like he had in the shower last night and you swallowed every drop of him. 

After he fell back next to you and kissed your forehead. 

“I’m sorry about the…coming thing.” He frowned, unsure how else to word it. 

“It’s ok. I totally understand.” You smiled at him. 

“I love Daisy and I wouldn’t change her for the world but…it was a less than ideal way to bring a baby into the world and I…” he sighed. “My ex and I only ever had unprotected sex twice in our relationship. Both times she got pregnant. I know that it stands to reason that she did not get pregnant every time we used a condom so my paranoia is completely unjust but I…condoms split. All the time and I just…I just…”

“It’s ok.” You laughed, drawing him close for a kiss. “It doesn’t affect me, Spencer. As long as you're still enjoying yourself. I don’t want your paranoia getting in the way of your pleasure.” 

“Are you kidding me? That is without a doubt the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.” He chuckled. He didn’t add that he didn’t exactly have much to compare it to. 

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Doctor Reid.” You kissed him again. 

“Do you have plans today?” He spoke as you kissed him. 

“Nothing aside from studying. Why? Did you have something in mind?” 

“I don’t have to pick the girls up until this evening and although I don’t mind going into DC twice in one day, I’d like to avoid it if I can. Spend the day with me? I’ll pay for a cab back into the city to get my car and then I’ll drop you home before I pick up the girls.” 

“Sounds perfect.” You nodded with a smile. 

“Can I interest you in breakfast?”

“You cook?” 

“I do.” He chuckled. “I didn’t, for a long time. But becoming a single dad I kinda had to learn.” 

“So let me get this straight,” you sat up on your elbows. “You’re handsome, smart, charming and funny. And you cook? Are you the perfect man?” 

Spencer couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Far from it.” He shook his head. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Doctor.” 

Spencer blushed a little and tried to push past his insecure thoughts. 

“My specialty is pancakes and bacon. My girls go wild for it.” He changed the subject. 

“Pancakes and bacon happen to be my favourite.” You kissed him again happily. 

Doctor Spencer Reid was going to make it really hard for you not to fall in love with him. You just hoped he intended to catch you. 

***

A cup of good coffee and a handsome shirtless man making you breakfast after a night of amazing sex had to be the dream. 

You watched Spencer intently as he cooked for you over your coffee mug. You took in every little detail of the muscles in his back and shoulders and the way they tensed differently with each movement. 

A couple of times he looked at you over his shoulder and told you to stop staring but he said it with a smile on his face so you were sure he didn’t really mind. 

You sat together at the kitchen island while you ate, the pancakes were fluffy and light and the bacon was perfectly crispy. 

After breakfast you showered together again and exchanged sexual favours with your hands. 

You curled up on the couch together, both wearing a pair of Spencer’s flannel pajama pants and t-shirts which were both too big on you. 

You talked about anything and everything. You told him all about your life before you’d moved to DC to work on your doctorate. He told you about growing up in Vegas, the FBI and went into great detail telling you about his kids. 

Lily was the artistic one, always drawing or painting. She also loved animals. Spencer told you she once brought an injured pigeon into the house, sobbing because it couldn’t fly. 

Spencer had to take the pigeon to the vets to stop Lily from crying. The pigeon died on the drive but he told Lily she’d saved its life. 

Ever since she’d talked about being a vet and with her new obsession being otters she kept asking Spencer if she could be an otter vet. Spencer didn’t have the heart to tell her there was no such thing. 

Daisy was book smart although she liked to pretend she wasn’t. She made quick and easy work of any homework she was assigned and there had been talk about moving her up a grade but she’d protested. 

At her age she didn’t want to be singled out. She wanted to fit in and be normal. He told you he hoped as she got older she would understand there was nothing wrong with being the smartest kid in the room. 

She was brilliant at chess and he knew it wouldn’t be long before she was able to beat him at it. 

He glowed when he talked about his girls. His eyes lit up and a serene smile spread across his face. He talked animatedly and excitedly about them and it was so clear how much he loved them. 

And they were the luckiest girls in the world to have a father like him. 

He ordered Thai food for lunch, which you ate on the couch while watching TV and ended up in the bedroom again. 

It was almost weird how comfortable it was. Technically it was your first date yet somehow you felt as if you’d know Spencer Reid your entire life. 

Not once were things awkward, the conversation never lulled. You felt safe with Spencer. It was a kind of comfort you didn’t expect to find so soon. 

After one date you should not be feeling the way you were about him. But he made it so hard not to fall for him. 

After one final shower Spencer called a cab for you both to head into DC. 

You felt a little silly still wearing his clothes when you left the house but you would have felt more out of place wearing your dress from last night. 

And Spencer told you that you looked cute in his clothes so who were you to argue? 

The cab dropped you off outside the bar where his car was and he drove you the rest of the way to your apartment. 

“So, Doctor,” you turned to him when he was parked at the curb. “How do you rate your first ever date?” 

Spencer responded by leaning across the console and cupping your cheek. 

“Let’s just say, I would not be opposed to doing it again.” He pressed his lips softly against yours and you melted into him. 

“I’m sure that can be arranged.” You spoke against his mouth. 

“You can wait two weeks for a second date?” He pulled back from you, feeling himself starting to grow hard and without a way to relieve himself it wasn’t a good idea. 

“I’d wait as long as you needed me to.” 

“Goddamn,” he stroked your hair back off your face. “Where have you been all my life?” 

“Waiting patiently for you.” You smiled at him. “But I gotta go or I’m never going to leave this car.”

“Fair enough.” He gave you one last soft kiss. “Coffee Monday? 

“Of course.” You opened the door and slid out the car. “Bye, Doctor Reid.” 

“Goodbye Y/N.” He watched you until you disappeared inside your building and once you completely vanished he finally drove off. 

He drove all the way to Maeve’s with a smile on his face. He wondered if it would ever leave. 

Chapter Text

How did you get here?

Nobody's supposed to be here.

I've tried that love thing for the last time,

My heart says no, no.

Nobody's supposed to be here,

But you came along and changed my mind. 

The following week the two of you continued your coffee dates everyday, getting to know everything about one another over your caffeine fixes. 

On Friday Monroe was out sick so Spencer allowed you to shadow him. 

Watching him teach was inspiring. It wasn’t lost on you that the majority of his class was probably only there to fawn over the attractive Doctor and you found it endearing that Spencer didn’t even seem to notice. 

He was utterly captivating. You hung off his every word. If you weren’t already ridiculously attracted to him, you would be now. 

You had to remind yourself you were in class and getting turned on was not an option. But you couldn’t help the way your body reacted to him. He was a force unto himself. 

After his last class you helped him look over some papers in his office until he had to leave to pick his kids up from school. 

But all you could think about was jumping his bones. You couldn’t wait another week. 

You subtly moved closer to him while looking at one of the papers, until you were pressing your shoulders together. 

You dropped one hand beneath the desk and rested it on his thigh. 

You saw his eyes close for a fraction of a second longer than a normal blink. You noticed his body tense at your touch. 

“You see this here,” he tried to ignore the effect you had on him and pointed at the paper with his pen. “This is an example of…” he trailed off when your hand moved higher. 

“An example of…?” 

“What are you doing?” His voice was suddenly breathy. 

“You know exactly what I’m doing, Doctor.” You moved your hand higher and noticed his cock start to harden in his pants. 

“Y/N…” 

“You can’t tell me you’ve never imagined fucking me over your desk.” 

He moaned and a shudder wracked his body. 

“You are sinful.” He panted. “But…no condoms.” 

“Fuck.” You whined, removing your hand from his leg and sitting back in the chair. “Fuck.” 

He looked at you through hooded eyes, beyond desperate for you but he could not risk getting another woman pregnant. 

But he needed a release. 

“Get on your knees.” He spoke firmly. 

“What?”

“Get on your knees. You started this, you’re going to finish it.” He started unbuckling his belt to show you he meant it. 

You whined and pressed your thighs together as he freed his erection from his pants. He looked at you sternly as you hadn’t moved. 

You quickly pushed yourself up from the chair and dropped to your knees in front of him. He parted his legs so you could get closer. 

You ran your tongue over the head of his cock but Spencer was too impatient. He pushed himself inside your mouth with force, slamming against the back of your throat and making you gag around him. 

“Be quiet and take it.” He grabbed a fistful of your hair and used it to hold you still while he started thrusting into your waiting mouth. 

Each time he hit the back of your throat with such vigour it caused tears to prick the corners of your eyes. He violently slammed in and out of your mouth while you just knelt dumbly before him. 

He moaned, tightening the grip on your hair. 

“Fuck you feel so good. You take my cock so well.” He jutted his hips forward and back, rocking in the chair as fucked your mouth. 

You looked up at him through your lashes and he saw tears cascading down your cheeks. 

“Are you ok?” He panted, slowing his movements slightly. 

You nodded, which was all the impetuous he needed to slam back into you again. 

You gripped his thighs with your hands to steady yourself from the pounding your mouth was taking. He kept his hand balled in your hair, tugging it like a leash. 

You hollowed your cheeks and ran your tongue down the vein on the underside of his shaft while he did most of the work. 

His hips snapped back and forth and he had to stifle his moans by biting on his hands.

The last thing he needed was someone to find the two of you like this. 

He brought himself to his orgasm in your mouth without you doing much of anything, just being a willing hole for his load. 

Once he was spent he pulled you up by your hair, a trail of come and dribble rolling down your chin. 

He wiped it with his hand and kissed you fiercely whilst pulling you into his lap. 

Your skirt rode up your thighs as you knelt over him, giving Spencer easy access to your desperate pussy. 

He kept one hand on the back of your neck and continued to kiss you while his other worked under your skirt, moving your panties aside and diving two fingers inside your sopping cunt. 

You moaned into his mouth, already close just from his assault on your mouth. He fingered you roughly while you rocked back and forth in his lap. 

His lips left yours and trailed down your neck. He sucked deep bruises into your skin, no doubt leaving marks.

Tears continued to roll down your cheeks as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge. 

He added a third finger, stretching you almost as much as his cock would have and it sent you spiralling when they brushed against your nerves. 

You buried your face into Spencer’s neck as you came, moaning his name under your breath and clenching tightly around his fingers. 

You were like a rag doll in his arms as he withdrew his fingers and held you close.

“I’ll be sure to remember to keep condoms in my bag.” He spoke against your neck with a slight chuckle.

“Please.” You whimpered.

He glanced at his watch over your shoulder and you heard him sigh. 

“Darling, I have to go pick my kids up.” 

You whined a little but you understood. Spencer helped you to your feet and readjusted your skirt for you before tucking himself away. 

He cupped your face delicately, such an odd contradiction to the way he’d been fucking your mouth before. He kissed you sweetly and you felt his hesitation to leave. 

Truthfully, leaving you was the hardest thing Spencer ever had to do. Each time he tore himself away from you killed him a little more than the last. 

And that scared him. It scared him because he was getting in over his head. He was getting past the point of no return. He was setting himself up for a fall. 

If his wife of thirteen years could hurt him the way she had, what was to stop a woman he barely knew from doing the same? 

Maeve had forced Spencer to put up walls he’d never expected to have to build. And somehow you’d managed to blow them down as though they were made of nothing but sheets of paper. 

Maeve had destroyed his trust. He couldn’t let himself fall victim to that kind of hurt again. But without even meaning too, you’d got your claws in Spencer. You’d latched on and he knew there was no way to shake you. 

He was so screwed. This would only end in pain. 

You kissed him again and smiled sweetly at him before grabbing your purse off the floor. 

“See you Monday, Doctor.” You backed towards the door. 

He simply waved as you left, unable to find the words. 

You were going to hurt him. It was only a matter of time. And Spencer didn’t know if he could pick up the pieces again once that happened. 

***

“Dad? Dad!” 

He tore his eyes away from the morning paper and rubbed them with his palms. 

His daughters were playing in the garden after breakfast but it was rare for him to have any quiet time with two boisterous girls. 

“Dad! Come out here quick! Dad!” Daisy’s voice carried through the open back doors. 

He sighed as he slid out of the chair and padded towards the back of the house. 

He was tired. More than tired, he was exhausted. 

He hadn’t slept well due to his intrusive thoughts. He’d tossed and turned and spent the night worrying about what his new found feelings for you would mean in the long run. 

He was setting himself up for a fall and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stick the landing. His heart couldn’t take another beating. 

He couldn’t allow himself to believe you were different from Maeve. He wanted to, but past experience guided his current thoughts. 

He and Maeve had been happy. They had everything, the house, the kids and the wedding vows. If she could throw all of that away so easily, it would be effortless for you to do the same. 

You and him had nothing tying you together. It would be so unproblematic for you to break his heart. You could find someone else, make a clean exit. No messy divorce, no custody battle. 

He should have known his heart wasn’t prepared for this. He’d barely patched himself back together and if truth be told, he might as well have been being held together by band aids. 

But walking away from you wasn’t an option. Spencer was already so infatuated by you he knew he could never leave you, even if it hurt to stay. 

He would be with you until you inevitably shattered his already fractured heart. And honestly, he’d probably even thank you for the privilege. 

He tried to push those thoughts away for now, his daughters had to come before his potential mental breakdown. 

He found Daisy and Lily both crouched down in the grass at the far end of the large yard, their backs to him. They were fussing over something hidden by their bodies.

“Daddy, look!” Lily glanced at him over her shoulder with a big grin. 

She shuffled aside as Spencer came closer, a frown on his face. 

As he got closer he saw a small grey and black wiry haired creature rolling in the grass on its back, his eldest daughter offering belly scratches with her good hand. 

“I think he got lost.” Daisy looked up at her dad and pouted. 

“He’s so cute!” Lily cooed, scratching the creature under its chin. 

From the position it’s on its back, Spencer could certainly tell Lily was correct in her gendering. It took him a few more moments to realise the scruffy animal rolling around in his garden was a dog. 

“Does he have a collar?” Spencer crouched down next to them in the slightly dewy grass to get a better look at the mutt. 

“Nope.” Daisy shook her head. 

“He might have fleas, stop touching him.” Spencer gently guided his daughters hands off of the mangy canine. “How did he get in here?” 

He stood back up and looked around before noticing a freshly dug hole under one side of his fence. 

“He might be hurt, daddy.” Lily tugged on his arm. “We have to take him to the vets!”

It was the pigeon all over again. He would be less than amused if a dog died in the back of his car though. 

“If he hasn’t got an owner can we keep him?” Daisy beamed. 

“Absolutely not.” Spencer shook his head. “We are not having a dog.” 

The dog flopped back onto his front, tongue hanging out of his mouth and he looked up at Spencer with large brown doe eyes. 

His floppy ears were comically long and admittedly he had quite a cute face. But he was dirty and his fur was matted and Spencer did not want this animal near his girls. 

“But he’s so cute!” Lily squealed. 

“He’s mangy.” Spencer replied. “Probably old. We’ll take him to the vets and they can take care of him. Daisy, go get some pillows and a blanket from the guest room.”

“Ok!” She jumped up and slipped away, holding her cast wrapped arm close to her body. 

“Lily, can you get me a bowl and fill it with water please? He might be thirsty.” 

“Ok daddy!” She clapped her hands together. “Taco you stay here with daddy, I’ll be right back.” 

“Taco?” Spencer frowned but Lily was already running back toward the house. 

He closed his eyes and shook his head when he realised taco’s was what he’d made the girls for dinner last night. 

It wasn’t good that they were naming him. Did they really think they would wear him down? Admittedly they usually could but he was not moving on this one. They were not having a dog. 

He stared up at Spencer with his intense eyes as if hearing his thoughts. The mutt seemed to be pleading with him to stay. 

Lily brought back a bowl of water which the dog lapped up within seconds and covered his scruffy face with water droplets. 

He seemed satisfied after, almost as though he was smiling as he flopped back down to the grass.

“Don’t get comfortable.” Spencer snarled a little at the dog. 

“Good Taco!” Lily went to pat his head again but Spencer was quick to put his arm out to stop her. 

“Fleas, Lily.” He reminded her. 

“But he wants scratches!” She pouted. 

“You can’t possibly know that.” He sighed, the dew from the grass seeping through his trousers. 

Daisy came running back out soon after with a pillow and blankets. 

Reluctantly Spencer scooped the mangy thing onto the pillow, hoping to god he didn’t have fleas, and draped the blanket around his small frame. 

He gave Spencer an open mouth look which very much looked like he was smiling. 

Spencer ignored it as he lifted the bundle into his arms. 

“Go get your shoes on girls and grab daddy’s car keys.” He pushed himself up, holding the scruffy dog parcel at arm's length. 

The girls hurried on into the house to get their shoes and he heard them chatting under their breaths. 

“Do you think daddy will let us keep him?” 

“I hope so! He’s the cutest.”

“I’ve always wanted a dog!” 

He rolled his eyes, closing the back door behind him with his free hand that wasn’t cradling the dog. 

The dog was staring at him, he wouldn’t take his eyes off of him. Spencer found it unnerving. 

“What? We’re dropping you off at the vets and I never want to see you again, ok?” He told the stupid looking mutt and then sighed. “You can’t understand me. I’m talking to a dog.” 

He slipped his shoes on with one hand and took his car keys from Daisy. The three headed to the drive where Daisy jumped in the front seat and Lily got in the back. 

“Can I hold him?” Lily bounced in her seat.

“No, I’m older, I get to hold him!” Daisy insisted. 

Spencer thought the dog would be better off not being held by anyone in case he did have fleas. But he hadn’t seen him trying to scratch or anything so he hoped it would be ok. 

He looked between his two girls and Daisy’s purple cast made his stomach turn. And maybe that’s why he set the dog package down on his eldest’s lap. 

“No fair.” Lily huffed while he let himself in the drivers side. “She only gets to hold him because she got hurt!” 

“Maybe you should break your arm next then.” Daisy looked at her sister over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at her. 

“Please don’t put ideas in her head.” Spencer groaned as he started the engine. “It’s nothing to do with that, pumpkin. It’s just she's…older.” 

“I wish I was older.” Lily grumbled. 

“Trust me, you don’t.” Spencer glanced at her in the rear view mirror as he reversed slowly out onto the street. 

Taco fell asleep in next to no time, the hum of the engine seemingly comforting him. 

Daisy petted him with her good arm and she had the biggest smile on her face when she looked at him. 

“He likes us, dad.” Daisy sighed in content. 

“He’ll like his new owners more.” Spencer rolled his eyes, turning down a side street. 

“No! Taco loves us!” Lily protested from the back seat. “Please can we keep him.”

“Absolutely not. There will be no dog in my home. Not today. Not ever.” 

He told the vet the same when they took him in. 

The dog was thoroughly checked over and seemed to be around six years old. He was in surprisingly good health considering he was a stray. He was a little malnourished which was why he was so skinny although that was hard to tell with all his wild fur. 

He didn’t have fleas, he didn’t have any kind of diseases. Spencer considered asking for a second opinion because he sure looked diseased. 

The vet couldn’t tell them what breed he was, he seemed to be an amalgamation of several. He likely had DNA from an Irish Wolfhound and Cairn Terrier but the vet couldn’t explain what led to his stupidly long ears. 

Spencer told the vet he was not interested in having a dog and asked the vet to arrange the dog be taken to a shelter. 

He told Spencer dogs his age don't usually get adopted as people prefer younger dogs and they would probably end up having to put him down. 

He told Spencer this right in front of Lily and Daisy. 

It seemed like a ploy to him. It seemed as though the vet didn’t very much want to deal with shipping the animal to the shelter and thought it would be much easier if the nice family he brought him in took him home.

That was mere speculation on Spencer’s part but it was very much how it felt. 

Lily had immediately started crying and Daisy’s bottom lip quivered. 

“Don’t let them put him down dad!” Daisy begged. 

“I don’t want Taco to die!” Lily wailed. 

“We can’t have a dog. We don’t have the time to care for a dog. I’m sorry girls but we just can’t have a dog…”

***

“…so I got a dog.” He sighed as he sipped his coffee the following morning in the courtyard. 

The wind was a little brisker than he would have liked it and he tugged his scarf tighter around his neck. 

You glanced at him curiously. 

“You got a dog?” You frowned. 

“I got a dog.” He rolled his eyes. “He dug his way into my garden and the vet decided to tell a seven year old and thirteen year old that if daddy didn’t take the dog home, we’re going to murder him.”

“He did not say that.” You smirked.

“Well not in so many words no. But that was the general gist. This led to lots of tears and begging. So yeah, I got a dog.” 

“You got a dog.” You couldn’t help but laugh, stretching your legs out from the bench. 

“He’s disgusting really. Mangy. I tried to bath him but he’s still so…gross.” Spencer groaned. “He’s kind of got a cute face I guess, but…I don’t like dogs.” 

“What’s his name?” 

“Taco.” 

“Taco Reid the mangy dog. Nice ring to it.” You giggled. 

“I swear those girls have got me wrapped around their little fingers. So now I have a dog. A dog I don’t like or want but a dog that will be my responsibility to walk and clean up after because my girls don’t have the best attention spans. Oh and did I mention that he’s not house trained? He’s six and he’s not house trained.” Spencer ranted and you couldn't help but laugh. 

“My weekend was nowhere near as interesting as yours.” You chuckled. 

“Never a dull moment with kids.” He sipped his coffee again, relishing the warmth spreading through his body. 

“Are they happy though? With the dog.”

“For now.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh and did I also mention that he scratches on my door in the middle of the night? He tried to climb into bed with me last night. Despite the fact I brought him his own very plush, very expensive dog bed. Seventy dollars I spent on that bed! And don’t get me started on the cost of all the vaccinations he had to have because he’s a mangy son of a bitch. And then there’s kibble and toys and treats. AND I have to pay to put him in a kennel while I’m at work so he doesn’t destroy my house!…What?” 

You were looking at him in amusement but there was something else behind your eyes. 

“You like the dog.” You chuckled. “You like Taco.” 

“I do not.” He scoffed. 

“You so do! I’d even go as far to say you love the dog.”

“Don’t be absurd.” He rolled his eyes. 

“I think someone doth protest too much.” You smirked, standing up from the bench. “I’ve gotta go.” 

“Hmm me too.” He agreed, standing up and downing the rest of his coffee. 

You placed your free hand on his shoulder, got on your tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek. 

“You got a dog.” You giggled. 

“I got a dog.” He sighed in response. 

***

The following Friday after work he took the girls straight to the Simmons household for one of his kids' birthdays. 

Honestly, Spencer lost track of the names and ages of all the Simmons kids. Some were older than Daisy, some were younger than Lily. He wasn’t even sure who’s birthday it was, he just knew the whole team would be there and it had been a long time since he’d been in a room with all of them. 

Daisy and Lily ran in ahead through the house while Spencer tried to corral Taco with his leash to follow him. The mutt was no more than fifteen pounds and all skin and bone but he was a strong bastard. 

“Get in this house, right now.” He spat as if the dog could understand him. 

Taco batted his lashes at Spencer a few times, digging his claws into the carpeted entrance way. 

“For the love of god.” He grumbled, crouching down and scooping the scraggly dog up in his arms. “Happy now?” 

Taco did seem happy. He nuzzled his stupid face into Spencer’s shoulder before swiping his tongue across his face. 

“Gross. Don’t do that.” Spencer grumbled, carrying the hairy canine through the house. 

The Simmons house was always bustling due to the number of children roaming around. It often seemed to resemble Grand Central Station, there were so many people living here.

With the team and the other kids' parents in attendance the house was full to bursting. 

There were birthday banners hung from the rafters, balloons at every turn. A large cake sat on the kitchen counter and Spencer’s stomach growled at the thought. 

JJ was the first to spot him and she smiled brightly even though she’d been the last one to see him. 

“Spence, hey…whoa, what on Earth is that?” She frowned at the bundle in his arms. 

“My dog. I have a dog.” He shrugged as though it was no big deal. 

Taco looked towards JJ and if Spencer didn’t know any better he thought he smiled at her. 

“Oh he’s cute! In a dirty kind of way.” She mussed his head and Taco wiggled happily in Spencer’s arms. “You hate dogs.” 

“I do.” He forced a smile. “The vet wanted to put him down. The girls cried. I got a dog.” 

“Hey Reid!” He heard Luke’s voice as the older man headed into the kitchen from the open back doors. “I just saw Daisy’s arm was in a cast, what hap…what is that?” 

“My dog. I got a dog. This is him. Taco. Dog. Can we stop focusing on the damn dog.” Spencer unclipped the mutts leash before setting him on the floor. 

He hadn’t wanted to bring him today but it was either that or she’ll out more money keeping him in a kennel. 

Taco’s nails clipped on the kitchen floor but he stayed close to Spencer, pressing his messy face against the side of Spencer’s calf. 

He warmed to Spencer in a way Spencer didn’t reciprocate. The dog seemed to be obsessed with him.

He followed Spencer around the house like a literal lost puppy. Spencer lost count of the times he’d turned and almost tripped over the dog because he was right behind him. 

When Spencer graded papers in his home office, Taco sat at his feet under the desk. When Spencer cooked dinner, Taco laid in the kitchen doorway. 

When Spencer went to the bathroom, the mutt followed too. Spencer learnt if he shut the dog outside he would only scratch on the door so he was adjusting to using the bathroom with a dog constantly watching his every move. 

Even when he showered the dog would sit on the bathroom floor and wait for him to be done. 

It was extremely reminiscent of having a toddler again. When both Daisy and Lily were young they clung to him like this, never wanting to let him out of their sights. 

Daisy had been worse than Lily. He’d still worked for the BAU when Daisy was little so when he was home, she didn’t take her eyes off him, scared he was going to leave again. 

Luke crouched down and cautiously held out his hand for Taco to sniff. He clearly smelt Roxy on him as he was quick to start licking the back of his hand. 

“He’s cute. A little…”

“Mangy. Yes.” Spencer fielded for him. 

“Just don’t get him wet or feed him after midnight.” Luke teased, scratching Taco behind his stupidly large ear. 

“Daisy hurt her arm?” JJ changed the conversation. “She barrelled through here so fast I didn’t see.” 

Spencer sighed. The two things he didn’t want to talk about were the dog and how his daughter got hurt. 

Of course both things were inevitable when you showed up with a dog and a daughter in a cast. 

“She broke it falling off the bed. Apparently Maeve and Bobby were… indisposed .” He clenched his jaw at the thought. 

“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you call her by her name since you separated.” Tara was suddenly crouching down to get a better look at the dog. “Is this a dog?”

“Yes! His name is Taco. He’s my dog. My dog.” He sounded exasperated. 

“So they were… together… when she got hurt?” JJ asked him. 

“Yes. My daughter got hurt while my ex-wife was in bed with her boyfriend. And I got a dog.”

“You got a dog?” Emily overhead and made a beeline for them. 

“Yes.” 

“Oh he’s so cute! A little ratty, but cute. You hate dogs.” She laughed. 

“For the love of god.” Spencer put his head in his hands. 

“The kid got a dog?” Now Rossi appeared from who knows where. 

Half the team were now on the floor giving attention to Taco, which he lapped up in delight. 

He still kept close to Spencer, still a little wary of all the new people around him. Spencer hated that he found it kind of endearing. 

“Where’s Matt and Garcia?” Spencer asked no one in particular. “Because I’m only going through this one more time.” 

With a small chuckle, Luke headed out to the backyard and rallied the two missing team members of the old team. 

JJ collected Taco up in her arms as he started seeming a little overstimulated. 

He nuzzled into her chest and JJ cooed over him as though he was a newborn baby. 

Once the whole team was gathered around him, Spencer took a deep breath, ready to get this all out and not have to repeat himself again. 

“Right, this is the last time I am going through this.” He spoke slightly sternly. “This is Taco, he’s my dog. No I don’t like dogs but the girls didn’t want him being murdered so we have a dog now. He’s gross, I know he’s gross. And yes Daisy broke her arm. She broke her arm when she fell off the bed whilst Maeve and Bobby were screwing. I think that covers everything.” 

The team looked between each other in mild amusement at Spencer’s frantic tone. He often got like this on cases when he had too much information swirling around his giant brain that just needed to escape. 

They’d all secretly missed his rants. 

JJ smirked at Spencer with a knowing look in her eyes. A split second before she opened her mouth to speak, he knew exactly what she was going to say. But it was too late to stop her. 

“Not quite everything. What about Y/N?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, petting the dog's head. 

All eyes were suddenly back on Spencer, making him instantly feel uncomfortable. He wondered who would be the one to ask. 

“Who’s Y/N?” Luke got in there first. 

“Remind me never to tell you anything, Jennifer.” He grumbled. “I’m…dating. Kind of. It’s…it probably won’t work out. It’s not serious, it's just…dating. Casual dating.” 

“Boy wonders getting laid!” Garcia grinned, bouncing up and down on her heels. 

“Dating. I’m dating.” He neither confirmed nor denied. 

If there was one thing he wanted to talk about less than his dog or how Daisy got hurt it was his sex life. 

“Oh he’s getting laid alright.” Matt laughed, patting Spencer’s shoulder. “Good for you.” 

“Some days I miss you guys. Some days I think leaving the team was the best thing I ever did. This is one of those days.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“We’re happy for you man.” Luke softened. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy regardless of whether I’m getting laid or not.” He insisted. 

“That’s not true.” Tara clucked. “You’ve definitely had that stick taken out of your ass since the last time we saw you.” 

“Thank you Tara.” Spencer smiled sarcastically. 

“You’re much less rigid than the last time I saw you.” Emily agreed. 

“Good to know?” He frowned. 

“Totally! Good, regular sex can work wonders for-“

“Please, Garcia.” Spencer cut her off. “Can we please talk about anything other than my sex life, my ex-wife or this damn mangy-“

“Is that a dog?” Kristy interrupted as spotted the pile of fur in JJ’s arms. “Who got a dog?” 

Spencer put his head in his hands and groaned. 

***

The backyard was overrun by children playing games, stuffing cake in their mouths or chasing each other around like lunatics. 

They’d even made a game out of who could draw the best on Daisy’s cast. 

Taco had started to warm up and was now roaming the garden, lapping up the attention from anyone who would give it to him. 

Spencer was glad to have a moment without the mutt sticking to him like glue. 

He sat on the patio sipping a glass of water when Luke strolled his way.

They exchanged smiles as the older man got closer.  

“So Daisy told me if anyone picked on her at school you promised I’d go Incredible Hulk on them?” He chuckled as he fell to the swing chair next to Spencer. 

“You’re her uncle.” Spencer shrugged. “And far more intimidating than a college professor.”

“Good point.” Luke nodded. “How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“Oh you know.” Spencer sighed. “Just getting on with things. It’s hard, being on my own with the girls is really hard. But we’re getting there. It’s been an adjustment for all of us.” 

“I can’t even imagine. But you’ve met someone, that’s good.” 

“It’s…complicated.” Spencer sighed again. “She’s…amazing, seriously incredible. Probably the woman I should have married. But I’m scared, Luke. Petrified really. After what Maeve did I can’t trust that she won’t do the same.” 

“Did you know my girlfriend cheated on me when I was in Iraq?” 

Spencer frowned at him. 

“She did?”

“Yeah. I was away for months at a time. She found comfort in someone else. I’m not condoning what she did but, I get it I suppose.” Luke gave Spencer a look that told him all the things he wasn’t saying.

“Are you suggesting my wife’s infidelity was my fault?” Spencer glared at him. 

“You were never fully in that relationship Spencer. You stayed because of the girls which is honourable but it wasn’t fair on either of you. I’m not saying that Maeve went the right way about it, she should have ended things if she wasn’t happy. But she didn’t. She didn’t leave for the same reasons you didn’t. And she found comfort elsewhere.” 

Spencer continued to glare at him, completely dumbfounded by what he was hearing. 

Did all his friends think this way? When he’d cried on JJ’s couch for weeks about his adulterous wife, had she thought it was his fault? 

When Emily and Garcia took him out drinking to try and cheer him up and he’d ended up ranting about Maeve’s affair, had they blamed him for pushing away? 

Had they all just assumed it was Spencer’s fault and never really had sympathy for him in the breakdown of his marriage? 

“Wow.” He eventually croaked out, slamming his glass of water down on the table. “Thanks for pep talk, seriously. You should consider doing it professionally.” 

Spencer pushed himself up from the chair and went to leave but Luke was hot on his heels. 

“I was trying to help!” Luke called after him. 

“Well don’t!” Spencer spat, spinning back around to face him. “Sitting there and telling me that my wife’s affair was my fault doesn’t help!” 

The yard fell silent in an instant. Almost eerily silent. 

There were several long, palpable seconds of silence before a small voice spoke. 

“Daddy, what’s an affair?” Lily was at his side and Spencer wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

Her eyes were large and confused as she looked up at him, begging for answers. 

He gave Luke one last angry look before turning to his daughter. 

“Nothing, don’t worry sweetheart. It’s…adult things.” He wrapped his arms around his daughter and caught the gaze of his other daughter over her shoulder. 

He would never forget the look in Daisy’s eyes. She was old enough to know exactly what an affair was. 

And Spencer had just blown the secret of why their mother had left and possibly ruined a little girl's faith in their mom. 

Chapter Text

I might hate myself tomorrow,

But I'm on my way tonight.

At the bottom of a bottle,

You're the poison in the wine.

And I know,

I can't change you, and I,

I won't change.

I might hate myself tomorrow,

But I'm on my way tonight.

Let's be lonely together.

The party went on until all the kids started to get tired. Matt and Kristy decided it made more sense for the kids to stay the night as they were all close to passing out by the time all the fun was over. 

As much as Spencer loved being with his daughters, he was kind of glad for the impromptu slumber party. 

With Taco asleep in the back seat he drove home wearily. 

He was tired and he was angry. How dare Luke place the blame on Spencer for what Maeve did. He didn’t push her into Bobby’s arms, it was all her own doing. Spencer was a devoted husband and father, and for Luke to suggest her affair was his fault made his blood boil. 

Luke didn’t know shit. Just because his ex cheated on him, didn’t mean he was suddenly an expert at affairs. 

Luke had no idea what it took to be a husband and a father. He had no idea the trials and tribulations that Spencer faced on a daily basis. 

He was a great father and he tried to be a great husband too. He also tried to be a great FBI agent. 

Maybe it was possible juggling so many plates had led to him dropping one on occasion. But nothing he may or or may not have done could have excused Maeve’s cheating. 

And it wasn’t as though it was just once. If it had been just one time, things might have been different and he might have seen past it for the sake of his kids. 

But for three fucking years she carried on a secret life. She left Spencer home with two young kids while she spent time between the sheets with another man. 

At any point in those three years she could have come clean and she chose not to. She put Bobby before their kids, before their life together. 

Nothing Spencer could have ever done would excuse her carrying on with another man behind his back for three goddamn years. 

He couldn’t believe Luke had the audacity to suggest otherwise. 

He was seething by the time he arrived home and after feeding Taco, he was climbing the walls. 

He couldn’t be in this house. This house was built on a foundation of lies and infidelity. This house that Maeve had chosen and was paid for by his hard earned government money for them to grow old in. 

She’d fawned over this goddamn house the first time they went to see it. Spencer thought it was too large, too suburban. Yes it was closer to Quantico and would cut his commute by more than half. But DC was vibrant, exciting. The Virginia suburbs were dull. 

He’d argued they didn’t need the fourth bedroom and the extra money spent on such was pointless. 

She’d countered that it would be useful to have a guest room for friends or family to stay over, which had never once happened since they bought the house six years ago. 

He knew why she really wanted the extra room even though she didn’t say it out loud. 

Maeve had wanted a third kid even though Lily was barely one at the time. She wanted the extra room for when they decided, or more likely, when she decided they were ready for a third child. 

Spencer didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want a fight. He didn’t want to incite the argument that he did not want any more children. 

Two was plenty. He knew Maeve wanted a little boy and she’d hoped Lily would be such. But Spencer wasn’t willing to keep bringing children into the world in the hopes one of them might be male. 

He planned to cross that bridge another time. He intended to save that argument for a later date that never came. It never came because she met Bobby and became too distracted by her affair to think about having a third child. 

Admittedly, he liked his office. Spencer’s office in his apartment hadn’t been its own room, it was just stuffed into the corner of his living room. 

But at least here he had his own room where he could escape to grade papers and sometimes just read a book in peace. 

It was his fortress of solitude. And the only part about this goddamn house he actually liked. 

He’d considered moving, briefly. It was handy when he’d still worked at the FBI but the drive to Georgetown everyday was exhausting. 

But the girls' school was nearby and they had friends in the neighbourhood. The last thing he wanted was to tear them away from their friends. 

So he stayed in the house he’d never cared for, for them. But right now it felt like a prison cell. 

Not giving a second thought to the chaos Taco could cause if he left him alone, Spencer fled the house again. 

He found a bar and took shot after shot of near Bourbon, necking them back like they were going out of style. 

It didn’t do much to stem his anger. He still felt it coursing through his veins like blood. In fact each shot made him somehow feel more on edge. 

He didn’t feel himself getting drunk but he must have been because he didn’t have any recollection of leaving the bar. 

One minute he’d been leaning against the solid wood bar, downing one last shot of Bourbon and the next he was being smacked in the face by a cool breeze as he stumbled about on the sidewalk. 

He didn’t make a conscious decision as to where was going next, his feet moved without much of his brains say so. 

He found himself in the back seat of a cab with no memory of where he was going. And before he knew it, he was outside of a familiar apartment building. 

His eyes were slightly blurry and his head was hazy and suddenly he found himself looking into your sleepy eyes. 

“Spencer? What are you doing here?” You rubbed your eyes. 

That was a good question. What was he doing here? 

“Need you. Just…need you.” He pushed you back inside and kissed you forcibly. 

You could taste the alcohol on his tongue and you’d heard the slur of his voice.

Thankfully your roommates were already sleeping but concerned about waking them up, you pulled away from his lips and led him to your room.

As soon as the door was closed he was kissing you again and you had to tear him off of you. 

“Spencer, stop. You’re drunk.” You frowned at him. 

“So?” He scoffed, stumbling a little on his feet. 

“Why are you here? Where are your kids?” You folded your arms over your chest to try and shield yourself from him 

“Sleepover.” He lunged at you and gripped you roughly by the shoulders, trying to guide you back towards your bed but you in his state, you were stronger than him. 

“Stop it.” You pushed him backwards and watched him stumble a little. “I don’t want you like this.” 

His eyes suddenly turned dark, almost black, as he glared at you. 

“You wanted me to fuck you over my desk the other day.” He spat. “You’re always so desperate for me. Now’s not the time to be a cock tease, Y/N.” 

Your eyes grew wide at his words and his slightly aggressive tone. 

“Don’t talk to me like that.” You growled at him. “You don’t get to just show up here drunk in the middle of the night and have the nerve to get annoyed when I shoot you down.” 

He rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath. 

“Look,‘I’m not really in the mood for games, ok? So just get on the bed, part those pretty little legs and let me fuck you.” 

It wasn’t particularly a surprise that your hand suddenly collided with the side of his face in a hard slap. The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed around your room. 

Spencer didn’t even seem to register it. 

“Never talk to me like that again.” You shoved him by the shoulders, watching him stumble again. “What kind of woman do you think I am? Am I just some piece of ass to you? Because I’m not looking to be someone’s booty call. So if that’s all you want from me, then maybe this was a bad idea.” 

He chuckled dryly, his eyes somehow turning darker. 

“You fucked me on our first date. I know exactly what kind of woman you are.” He smirked at you dangerously, it made your stomach turn. 

“Wow.” You swallowed a lump on your throat at a loss for words. . “Just wow.” 

“We both know that this night is going to end with you on your back and my cock inside of you so let’s get on with it, shall we?” He made a move to start unbuckling his belt but you slapped him again, harder than before. 

“Get out!” You raised your voice, half hoping you might wake someone up in case he got carried away. “Get out of my apartment right now, Spencer!”

“Is this the chase you were talking about? You want me to-“

“GET OUT!” You screamed, shoving him again. 

Spencer rolled his eyes as he stumbled backwards. 

“Jeez alright, I’m going. This hot and cold thing isn’t as sexy as you think it is.” He received a final slap and his face was surely going to hurt tomorrow. 

You practically threw him out by the collar of his shirt, slamming the door heavily behind him. 

You fell back against the door as tears instantly escaped your eyes like a damn had burst. 

You clutched your chest as you sobbed quietly.

Spencer had come across as such a nice guy. He’d seemed sweet and charming and a little vulnerable. 

How could you have been so wrong about him? How could you have been so stupid as to let yourself start to fall for him so quickly when you barely knew him? 

He wasn’t the man you thought he was. He’d only cared about getting you into bed and you’d made it so easy for him. 

He’d used you and you felt like an absolute idiot. 

You heard movement from one of your roommates and you hurriedly shuffled back into your room before someone found you like this. 

You’d been through your share of asshole men and you’d promised yourself never again. 

You wiped your eyes dramatically on your sleeves and forced yourself to stop crying. You were not shedding anymore tears over bastards so who didn’t deserve them. 

Fuck Spencer Reid. Fuck Spencer Reid and his stupid pretty face. Fuck Spencer Reid and his faux charming personality. Fuck Spencer Reid and his amazing sex. 

Fuck Spencer fucking Reid. 

***

The next thing Spencer was really conscious of was letting himself in the house. 

A couch cushion laid in tatters on the floor, it’s stuffing strewn across the carpet. 

Along with it were the remains of one Spencer’s cardigans torn to shreds. 

Taco sat amongst the destruction, a dopey smile on his ugly face.

“You're a goddamn asshole.” He slurred at the dog as he stormed past him. 

He vaguely heard the mutt following him upstairs but he ignored him. 

He dragged himself to bed where he fell down to the mattress, not even undressing before he passed out. 

***

Memories from the previous night played on a loop like an old movie in front of his closed eyes. 

Images of your face and the combination of fear and anger he’d instilled in you. 

As thoughts of the way you’d had to slap him several times came to mind he became aware of a dull ache in the side of his face. 

Recollections of the things he’d said, the horrible way in which he’d spoken to you made him feel sick. 

His body was flooded with remorse. What the hell had he been playing at? 

He groaned to himself, squeezing his eyes tightly shut feeling the world's biggest asshole. 

“What have I done? Fuck, what have I done?” He groaned and then he felt something wet on his face. 

He opened his eyes, blinking a few times to adjust the way the sun was invading the room through the open curtains. 

He rubbed his eyes and felt the wetness again. 

When he finally managed to focus he was face to face with a mangy dog and his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. 

“Gross.” He groaned again. “What are you doing here?” 

He noticed his arm was slung around the dog, cuddling the scruffy mutt him close to his body. He quickly let him go and pushed him away. 

“You have your own bed.” Spencer mumbled, pushing himself up on his elbows. 

His head throbbed wildly and his eyes were still struggling to focus more than a few feet in front of him. 

He took in the pink walls that surrounded him. The small dollhouse in the corner and stuffed bears lining shelves on the walls.

He inspected the bed he was laying in. It wasn’t his large, plush king size. It was a small single that he was practically hanging over the edge of. 

And there was a stuffed otter next to the pillow. 

“Looks like we both slept in the wrong bed. I’ll let it slide this once.” He told the creature who couldn't understand him as he stumbled out of Lily’s bed. 

His head was pounding. Throbbing really. He rubbed his temples as Taco raced him to the door. 

“Let me…Advil. Then food. Ok?” He stared at the dog and then rolled his eyes. “I’m talking to a fucking dog.” 

He stepped over the small dog and stumbled to the bathroom where he located the Advil and popped two in his mouth. 

Every time he closed his eyes he saw the way you looked at him last night and it made his stomach turn. 

He needed to call you. He needed to make this up to you somehow. Was there even a way to make this better? He’d really fucked this up. 

He opened his eyes and caught his haggard reflection in the mirror over the sink. 

He hadn’t realised how old he looked. It had probably been a gradual thing, something that took place slowly over the years, spurred on by a messy divorce and two kids. 

But he’d never noticed it before. For years he’d had such a baby face, people always mistaking him for being much younger than he really was. 

Somewhere along the way that stopped happening. Somewhere over the years he’d started looking his age. 

But now he looked old beyond his years. 

The hazel eyes that stared back at him from the mirror were not the same ones he recognised as belonging to him. Despite the gold flecks around the irises he knew to be his, he felt as though he was staring at a stranger. 

Before he could spiral too far into his guilt, Taco started whining from somewhere in the house. 

He rolled his tired eyes, pushing himself away from the sink. Calling you would have to wait. 

He was unsteady on his feet as he made his way downstairs and was welcomed by the stuffing and fabric shreds of the couch cushion and his cardigan from Taco’s protest of being left alone last night. 

“God-fucking-damnit dog.” He grumbled, giving the dog a stern look he didn’t understand before heading to the kitchen. 

Taco bounded after him and sat by his food bowl in excited anticipation for food. 

Spencer felt a vibration in his pocket and realised his phone was still hidden inside. 

Pulling out the device and squinting a little at the bright display, he noticed a series of text messages waiting for him. 

He leant against the kitchen counter and opened the unread messages one at a time. 

📱 Luke Alvez: hey man, I’m really sorry if I upset you, it wasn’t my intention. I thought I was helping but I guess I wasn’t. I hope you’re ok. 

📱 Luke Alvez: are we ok? Please text me back man. 

📱 David Rossi: you ran off like you’d seen a ghost kid, are you ok? 

📱 JJ: Luke told me what happened, are you ok? I know he didn’t mean to upset you. Hope you’re ok ❤️ 

📱 Luke Alvez: I’m hoping you’ve calmed down now you’ve had a chance to sleep it off. Can we talk? 

📱 Matt Simmons: I’ll be by to drop the girls off around ten. See you soon. 

Spencer glanced at the time. It was just past nine thirty. 

“Fuck.” He muttered. He still stank of booze and he couldn’t let his kids see him in this state. 

He hurriedly fed the dog and cleared up the destruction in the living room before jumping in the shower. 

He scrubbed his hair and body violently to rid the smell of alcohol from his pores. After his vicious shower he brushed his teeth with nearly half a tube of paste. 

He was barely dressed in clean clothes when the doorbell sounded. 

Taco immediately started yapping at the sound, scratching at the wooden door like his life depended on it. 

Spencer picked the bundle of annoyance up in his arms as he opened the door. 

Matt smiled at him from the doorstep as Lily ran to cuddle Spencer, instantly getting distracted by Taco and grabbing the dog from her fathers arms. 

“Taco, I missed you!” She beamed. 

“What about me?” Spencer frowned. 

“Missed you too, daddy!” 

Daisy skulked in behind her sister, giving Spencer the same look she’d given him last night. 

“Did you have fun, pumpkin?” He asked her as she passed him. 

He got no more than a shrug in response. 

“Thanks for having them.” Spencer turned back to Matt. 

“They were angels.” Matt shrugged. “Daisy’s been asking questions. About what you said.” 

“I figured as much.” Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll talk to her.” 

Matt glanced over his shoulder to where Lily was cooing over the dog whose tail was wagging frantically. 

“That dog is creepy.” Matt laughed. 

“Tell me about it.” Spencer agreed. “Thanks again. And thank Kristy for me.” 

“No problem man. See you soon.” Matt patted Spencer’s shoulder before heading back down the front steps. 

Spencer turned to his girls, one of which seemed to be in much higher spirits than the other. 

Lily was fussing over the dog who was on his back so the girl could give him belly scratches. His stupidly long tongue hung out of his mouth as Lily giggled in delight.

Daisy had already disappeared upstairs without a word. 

He knew it was inevitable he would have to have a conversation with Daisy about what she’d heard. And he knew there was only one way he would be able to do it. 

As much as he loathed the thought, it had to be done. 

While Lily was busy playing with Taco and Daisy was upstairs sulking, he pulled out his phone and dialled the number he despised calling. 

She was going to kill him for this. But he couldn’t explain to a thirteen year old what an affair was without the woman who was an expert in them. 

***

Maeve had been annoyed at Spencer for the way he’d blurted out about her affair in front of their children. 

They’d argued on the phone for a long time before she’d agreed to come over that evening. 

Admittedly she had been at least a little impressed he’d reached out to her for help. Spencer had not asked her help once in the past year. Maybe he was growing as a person. 

He’d told her she had no right to be angry at him when she was the one who had the affair. They’d agreed when they separated that the kids didn’t need to know why their mom was moving out. But secrets always did find a way of coming out. 

When the kids asked, they’d told them that parents fall out of love sometimes. It wasn’t a complete lie. 

But now they were going to have to face their thirteen year old daughter who was much smarter than the average kid her age thanks to her fathers genes. 

Bobby had taken Lily for ice cream and Maeve found herself back in her family home for the first time in over a year. 

It hadn’t changed. Spencer hadn’t changed a single thing since she’d left. She wasn’t entirely surprised, but she found it a little sad. 

She assumed with the anger he held towards her he would have instantly obliterated anything that reminded him of her. Maybe the rest of the house was different, but the living room was exactly the same. 

“Explain to me again.” Maeve frowned at the skinny pile of hair rolling around on the rug. “How this is a dog?” 

The two of them sat at opposite ends of the couch, creating as much distance between them as was possible. 

Having Maeve in the house had caused the air in his home to feel thicker. He felt tense and on edge with her presence here. 

This wasn’t her home and hadn’t been for a long time and Spencer didn’t feel comfortable having her back here. 

The day he kicked her out he swore to himself she would never step foot in this house again. 

But his kids came before his unwillingness to have her in the house. 

“According to the vet it is, but I do have my doubts.” Spencer shrugged, focusing on Taco and not even so much as glancing at her.

“And the girls like him?” Her voice was thick with skepticism. 

“The girls love him.” Spencer chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying not to dwell on the fact he was talking to his ex-wife on her ex-couch. 

It was probably the only conversation they’d had in the past year that was even akin to civil. 

“He’s kind of gross.” Maeve looked him over a few times. “Cute face I suppose but mostly gross.”

“He’s…different, that's for sure. But the girls are happy.” In that moment Spencer was so thankful for the dog because if it wasn’t for him then he and Maeve would be sitting in very awkward silence. 

Or they would be arguing. 

In fact, they definitely would have been arguing. 

Turns out that mangy stray dogs are good for something after all. 

“He doesn’t have diseases does he?” Maeve pulled a face and he saw her looking at him out of the corner of his eye. 

He snapped his head to look at her, a deep frown on his features.

It was so easy for a conversation to go south with Maeve. She made it so easy to hate her. 

“You think I’d let a disease riddled dog in my home around my children? He was checked out by the vet, given multiple vaccinations. He’s just…scruffy.” He managed to keep his voice level but he felt the anger bubbling in his chest. 

“That’s one word for him.” Maeve scoffed.

Clenching his jaw so he wouldn’t say anything to start a fight, he craned his neck towards the door. 

“Daisy!” Spencer called up for the third time, unable to spend another minute playing nice with his ex-wife. “Daisy! Seriously, can you come down here, please?”

“I’m busy!” She called back. She’d been avoiding him all day. 

“You’re thirteen, you aren’t busy. Downstairs. Now!” 

He heard a loud huff followed by heavy footsteps on the landing and then the stairs. 

Her eyes landed straight on Spencer and they were rimmed from crying. That made his indignation towards Maeve grow tenfold. 

His little girl, his beautiful first born daughter had been crying because she’d discovered what an absolute bitch her mother was. 

It tore Spencer’s heart in two and if it weren't for the fact Daisy was standing right there he would have gone postal on Maeve. 

“God dad, what do you…” she trailed off her eyes flirting over to the other person on the couch. “Mom, what are you…oh.” 

Realisation dawned on Daisy features. She really was too smart for her own good. She knew exactly why her mom was here. 

“Sit down sweetie, we want to talk to you.” Maeve motioned for Daisy to come and sit between them on the couch. 

She didn’t. Instead she padded over to Taco, pulled the bundle of fur into her arms and flopped into the armchair. 

“I like your dog.” Maeve smiled at her eldest daughter. 

“His name is Taco.” She hugged the bundle of fur closer to her. 

“Let me guess, Lily named him?” Maeve chuckled. 

Daisy simply nodded. 

“I don’t need to talk about what I heard dad saying to uncle Luke.” Daisy told them, not making eye contact with either of them. 

“You might not need to, pumpkin, but we do.” Spencer leant his elbows on his knees, feeling both rage and hurt crashing through him. 

“I know what an affair is.” Daisy squeezed the dog with her good arm but if he minded he didn’t complain. “You cheated on dad. You had sex with another man while you were married.” 

Spencer’s stomach coiled into knots. Nothing could have ever prepared him for hearing his daughter say sex. It made his stomach coil into knots. 

Maeve glanced at Spencer as though subconsciously trying to decide who would speak.

Spencer would be damned if he was going to be the one to explain what Maeve had done. 

Maeve sighed before looking back at her daughter. 

“Sometimes mommy’s and daddy’s fall out of love, sweetheart.” She said, the exact same way she did when they first separated. “Mommy made some bad decisions. I had an affair. With Bobby. It was stupid and selfish of me and I hate myself for it. But your dad and I weren’t happy. It’s not an excuse but it’s the truth.” 

Spencer jaw clenched hard, the sound of his teeth grinding together filling his ears. 

Was that true? Weren’t they happy? Spencer had thought they were, at least he’d thought they were something close to happy. Did that make him completely foolish for thinking? 

He hadn’t known Maeve wasn’t happy, she’s never said anything, he’d never seen the signs. 

By the time she started her affair they were in a rhythm. Lily was three and Daisy was nine. Spencer was home more with his job at Georgetown and they’d found their groove. 

Or so he’d thought. 

Maeve had never once suggested she wasn’t happy. So it was news to Spencer to hear otherwise. 

“How could you do that to dad?” Daisy sniffed against Taco’s matted fur. 

Spencer wanted an answer to that too, he’d wanted an answer to that for the past year. 

He wanted to let Maeve answer that, explain to him and their child how she could have torn their family apart the way she did. 

He’d waited for an explanation for that for a long time. 

But right now wasn’t the right moment. As much as he needed answers, right now he and Maeve needed to be on the same side for Daisy’s sake. 

“Adults make mistakes, pumpkin.” Spencer spoke softly. “And sometimes they are big, earth shattering mistakes.”

Like cheating on your husband. Or showing up drunk at the home of the woman you're seeing and trying to force her into bed. 

“You can’t be ok with this.” A few tears rolled down her cheeks and Spencer was out of his seat in a flash and dropping to his knees in front of his daughter. 

His heart was shattering. There was nothing in the whole world worse than seeing your child cry. Each tear that seared down her cheek felt like another piece of his heart crumbling away. 

He had to ignore his instinctive hatred for Maeve for Daisy’s well-being. He had to push all his resentment aside so he could comfort his eldest daughter. 

This wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about Maeve. It was bigger than them both. 

He took a deep breath, tried to swallow down his anguish, and then he spoke as calmly as he could muster. 

“I was mad at your mom for a really long time. But she made a mistake. She’s been punished enough, baby.” He cupped her face gently in his hands and wiped at her tear stains with the pads of his thumbs. 

Her body wracked with sobs and Spencer wanted to kill Maeve at that moment. He had never despised his ex-wife more than he did right then. 

“How can you be ok with this? She hurt you! She’s the reason you got divorced!” Daisy wailed, wriggling free of Spencer’s hold on her face and using the dog as a barrier between them. 

“We have to pick and choose our battles sweetheart. Sometimes a fight is just not worth having. Your mom is sorry for what she did. And I’ve accepted that. Do you think you can?” It was killing Spencer to defend Maeve. 

Maeve didn’t deserve his support. He thought Daisy was probably smart enough to see right through him and his fake endorsement of her mother. 

Daisy shook her head violently and suddenly tossed the dog on the floor where he somehow stuck the landing although he looked very surprised by the sudden movement. 

She jumped to her feet, nearly knocking Spencer over in the process and he stumbled a little, pushing himself back up. 

“No. No. I can’t forgive you for this.” She glared at Maeve. “You left us. You left us because of Bobby! You hurt dad and that’s not fair!” 

She dashed past Spencer and stormed loudly upstairs. Seconds later the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut reverberated around the house. 

Maeve’s eyes welled with tears which she was quick to wipe away before Spencer noticed them. 

She stood up from the couch and moved a little closer to him. He was still staring at the living room door in the wake of his daughter's sudden departure. 

“Thanks for having my back.” She choked out. 

Spencer spun away from the door and glared at her, his detest for her pouring from his eyes and stabbing her like daggers. 

“I didn’t do it for you.” He spat as though the words were poison on his tongue. “I didn’t mean any of that. I was trying to make sure our daughter didn’t hate you the way I do. But to be perfectly honest, you deserve it.” 

Maeve chewed on her lip, trying to remain calm and ignite a fight. 

“Spencer, please,” she sniffed. 

“Get out of my house.” He turned his back on her again, not wanting to look at her let alone have her in his home. 

“It’s my house too.” She snapped, unable to keep the annoyance from her voice. 

“It has not been your home since you signed the divorce papers. This is my house. And that’s my kid up there in pieces because she now knows what a fucking whore her mother is!” 

Maeve suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder somewhat roughly and spun him around to face her. 

“If you hadn't opened your big mouth then she wouldn’t be in pieces.” She couldn’t disguise the venom in her tone. 

“Don’t you dare put this on me.” He spat, anger flooding through his veins. “You’re the one who cheated Maeve. I kept your sordid little secret from them to protect you but you don’t deserve protecting. I hope Daisy hates you. It’s what you deserve!” 

“If you hadn’t been such a shitty husband I wouldn’t have had to look elsewhere!” Maeve raised her voice, the words leaving her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. 

That almost pushed Spencer to breaking point. It was almost enough to drive him over the edge, past the point of no return. 

His fist clenched and unclenched are his sides, trying to reel himself back in before he crossed the line and said something he would never recover from. 

He wasn’t going to allow her to break him. 

“If I was such a shitty husband you could have had the decency to leave. You should have walked away. But instead you spread your legs for the first man who looked your way.” It was the nicest he could be given the situation. There were much more nasty things he could have said and he was almost proud of himself for refraining. 

“It wasn’t like that!” Maeve scoffed. “Don’t think I wish it had been different? Don’t you think I could have just left so easily? We had to think about the kids!”

“Oh so you were thinking about the girls when you fucked another man for three years? While I was at home with them, feeding them and bathing them and keeping them alive, you were thinking about them?” He knew Daisy would inevitably be able to hear them yelling but he couldn’t help himself. 

He was livid. He was seething. He’d bottled this up for a year and he couldn’t contain himself any longer. 

“The last thing I wanted to do was tear our family apart, Spencer. But I'd be damned if I was going to spend my life with a man who resented me!”

“I never said I resented you.” 

“You didn’t need to say it! Your facial expression and your demeanour towards me told me more than your words ever could. You only married me because I fell pregnant and you resented me for that. We were drunk and we forgot to use protection but you’re just as liable for that as I am.” She lowered her voice a little, hoping her daughter wasn’t listening to this. 

“Fine so I resented you. But I was always faithful. I might not have been happy but I never even so much as looked at another woman! 

I was good to you! I was always good to you. I gave you everything! I quit a job I loved so I could be there to help with the kids. My goddamn money paid for this house. Hell, my money paid for everything because god knows you never worked a day of our relationship!” Spencer threw his hands up in the air in frustration. 

They were really airing some grievances now, ones that had been hovering just under the surface for their entire relationship. 

“I was at home looking after a little girl while you were away all the damn time! I raised Daisy on my own! You were never there!” Maeve screamed, tears suddenly escaping her eyes and flowing heavily down her flushed cheeks. 

“Somebody had to be earning money! I did everything for you, you selfish bitch! I did everything in my power for you and the girls to have a nice home, a nice life. And you repaid me by fucking another man for three years! Get out of my house. Get out of my house and never come back you whore!” Spencer realised then he was crying too, completely out of the blue. 

They weren’t tears of sadness though. His tears stemmed from a year's worth of bitterness and turmoil. The tears were his pent up disgust at his wife's betrayal. 

Silence descended on the room, the only thing permeating was their heavy breathing. 

And then the front door opened and Bobby and Lily entered the house. Lily was happily licking an ice cream cone that was dribbling down her hand. 

Both Spencer and Maeve turned away to wipe their tears before their daughter could see. 

“I got mint chocolate chip!” Lily cheered, jumping up and down. “I bet Taco would like to try it!”

She made a dash for the dog for Spencer quickly put an arm out to stop her. 

“No, pumpkin, Taco can’t eat ice cream.” Spencer sniffed. 

Lily frowned a little as she inspected her fathers puffy red eyes. 

“Have you been crying, daddy?” She furrowed her brow, pastel green ice cream coating her mouth and cheeks. 

“No sweetheart, it’s just allergies.” He forced a smile and it pained him to do so. 

She frowned at him before looking at her mom who’s eyes matched Spencer’s. 

“Do you have allergies too mommy?” She lapped her tongue over the melting ice cream. 

“Yes darling, I do.” Maeve nodded. 

“Say goodbye to mommy, Lily. She’s leaving.” Spencer patted her back in the direction of Maeve, wanting to get rid of his bitch of ex-wife and her new lover as soon as possible. 

“Oh no! Can’t you stay, mommy?” Lily wrapped her free hand around her mom’s waist. 

“No baby, Bobby and I have to go. But we’ll see you next weekend ok?” Maeve crouched down next to her daughter and pulled a tissue from her pocket before wiping her messy face. 

“Ok mommy!” Lily chirupped before continuing her work on her ice cream, effectively covering herself again. 

Maeve stood back up and glanced at Spencer but he averted his gaze. 

Bobby placed a comforting hand on her back and led her towards the door. 

Lily was none the wiser. 

Spencer heard the door open and close as he tried desperately to keep his tears at bay. 

***

Later that night after cleaning ice cream from Lily’s face and hair, he put her to bed and read her story for a while.

Her eyes were half closed and she was fighting sleep by the time he put the book down. 

“Close your eyes.” He laughed, bowing his head to kiss her forehead. 

“I’m not tired.” She whined, stifling a yawn. 

“Of course not.” He stood from the bed and padded towards the door. “Goodnight pumpkin, I love you.”

“Love you too dad.” She replied sleepily.

He moved to the next room and hovered outside Daisy’s door. He ran his fingers over the blue wooden letters that spelt his eldest daughters name. 

He heard faint sniffles coming from inside and his heart shattered in his chest. 

He pushed open the door and crept inside. 

She was curled up in a ball, sobbing quietly against her pillow, her purple cast tucked close to her body. 

It physically pained him to see her this sad. He hated this. He hated what Maeve had done. 

He shuffled across the room and cautiously laid himself down on the mattress next to his daughter. 

She instantly curled into his side, burying her head in his chest. 

She sobbed against his shirt while Spencer wrapped her in his arms and placed soft kisses in her hair. 

He ran the palm of his hand up and down her back in a vain attempt to calm her. 

“It’s ok, pumpkin. It’s all going to be ok.” He whispered into her hair. 

Daisy wailed loudly, wrapping her arm around Spencer’s stomach and wiping his snotty nose on him. 

This wasn’t fair. He’d do anything to take her pain away. He would give his right arm to stop her hurting. And his left. He wished there was something he could do to stop this agony she was feeling. 

“I hate her dad! I hate her for doing that to you! I’ll never forgive her for this!” Daisy balled and he held her tighter. 

You and me both, kid, he thought, staring up at the ceiling. 

“You don’t hate her, sweetheart. You’re angry right now and that’s completely natural. But she’s your mom, you don’t hate her.” He stroked her hair back off her face and she frantically shook her hair against his chest. 

“I do hate her! It’s her fault we don’t get to live with our dad and our mom. It’s her fault you’re sad all the time!” 

Spencer closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He used his other hand to guide Daisy’s face up to look at him. 

Her eyes were red raw and his chest constricted.

“What makes you think I’m sad, Daisy?” He tried to keep his voice levelled. 

“Aunty Emily and Grandpa Dave have told me all about profiling.” She shuffled up the pillows a little.

“Did they now?” Spencer mentally cursed his friends. 

“Yes they taught me all about reading micro expressions.” She wiped her eyes on her bedsheets. 

“Ok…?” Spencer felt a little uncomfortable knowing this teenage daughter had been taught to read human behaviour. 

“You have sad eyes dad.” She sighed a little as she spoke. “You have done since mom left.” 

Goddamn Emily and Rossi, he was not at all amused by this. 

His thirteen year old daughter should not know that her dad has sad eyes. 

“Pumpkin,” he cupped her face. “I am sad, but I’m sad for you and your sister. It breaks my heart that your mother did this to you.” 

“Do you miss her?” She narrowed her eyes on him. 

“No.” He lied. He was lying to his daughter, right to her face. 

“Are you angry at her?”

“No.” He did it again. 

Daisy scrutinised his face, trying to read those micro expressions Emily and Dave had taught her. 

But Spencer had a great poker face under pressure and he gave nothing away. 

“Are you done profiling me?” He chuckled when she didn’t speak. 

“For now.” She shrugged, flopping her head back to the pillow. 

“Get some rest, sweetheart. Sleep is a great healer.” He kissed her cheek before pushing himself to his feet. 

He watched her snuggle beneath the sheets as he headed to the door. 

“Love you dad.” She whispered as he stepped outside. 

“Love you more. Now sleep.” He closed the door behind himself and pressed his back up against as tears sprung behind his eyes. 

He hated lying to his daughters. He never wanted to be the kind of dad that lied to his children. 

But unfortunately the situation had required him to do so. 

He hoped sleep would help her feel better but honestly Spencer didn’t know if it would. 

If sleep really was a great healer, Spencer would sleep for an eternity. 

Chapter Text

And all at once the crowd begins to sing,

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her,

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there. 

The weekend's events had taken so much out of Spencer he didn’t have a chance to call you and apologise for his drunken behaviour. 

In fact, if he was perfectly honest, with everything else going on he’d completely pushed it to the back of his mind. 

On Sunday he spent the day at the mall with the girls in an attempt to cheer Daisy up. 

Spencer loathed shopping. He only went shopping when he absolutely had to. Malls were too busy for his liking and most things were overpriced. But Daisy and Lily loved to shop, mostly because it wasn’t their hard earned money they were spending. 

He spent the day traipsing after them, lunging bags full of their hauls around while they ran from shop to shop excitedly. 

He practically brought Daisy a whole new wardrobe while Lily damn near put the toy store out of business. 

They ate pretzels in the food court while Spencer rested his aching arms from being their designated bag carrier. 

Lily fell asleep on the car ride home surrounded by all her new toys while Daisy excitedly looked over her new clothes. 

He spent hundreds of dollars trying to make up for the way Maeve had hurt her. He even let the girls talk him into buying an even bigger, plusher and more expensive bed for a dog he hated who never slept in his own bed anyway. 

By the time they made it home he was exhausted. He was too tired to cook so he ordered pizza which they ate in the living room while they rewatched Encanto for what had to be the fiftieth time. 

When he put them to bed they were both singing We Don’t Talk About Bruno, which Spencer also had stuck in his head when he crawled into his own bed. 

He also found himself humming it absent-mindedly in the shower the next morning, mentally cursing his girls for making him sit through that movie again. 

It was still whirring its way around his brain while he made the girls breakfast. 

He drove them to school after breakfast and dropped Taco off at the kennel and it was only after he was finally alone, his thoughts fell back to his monumentally stupid drunken mistake. 

Checking his watch and seeing he had time before he had to be on campus he made a pit stop at the florists. 

It was a good job he had time to spare because he spent an unfathomable amount of time staring at a wide variety of flowers in various colours.

He must have looked utterly lost as a young girl soon came over and asked if he needed help. 

Yes, he most certainly did. 

“I uh…I need something that says I’m sorry. ” He toyed awkwardly with the strap of his satchel. 

The girl gave him a slightly playful smile. 

“You wouldn’t believe how often we get people in here looking for the exact same thing.” 

“What would you recommend?” 

“Well, lilies are great for apologising as they can express a new chapter. But roses are really romantic. White orchids are also good as they represent sincerity. And blue hyacinths look stunning in an apology bouquet.” She motioned around the various flowers she was describing while Spencer stared wide eyed in confusion. 

“Uh…” he scratched the back of his neck. “All of them. Just put all of them in a bouquet. A huge one. It doesn’t matter what it costs.” 

“Sure.” She looked a little startled by his choice, most guys just went for whatever was cheapest. 

She admired his decision. 

Spencer tapped his foot in the ground while the girl went about fashioning a giant bouquet of whites and blues and reds and yellows. 

She tied them all off in a big red ribbon and looked proud by her creation. 

Admittedly it did look beautiful and Spencer knew next to nothing about flower arrangement. 

He paid two hundred dollars for the privilege and thanked the young girl before hurrying out of the store barely able to see over the large array. 

He quickly stopped at a coffee house and ordered an extra large cinnamon latte which was your favourite. 

The flowers took up the whole front seat of the car and the smell was overwhelming so he had to drive with the windows open. 

He felt heads turning and eyebrows furrowed into frowns as he got out of his car with the huge bouquet. It was like a large flashing beacon that he’d fucked up. 

He tried to ignore all the eyes on him as he waited for you outside the psychology building, flowers in one hand, coffee in the other. 

The weather was desperately trying to warm up and was slowly succeeding and the morning sun beating down on him made sweat gather at his temples. 

The nerves didn’t help. 

You couldn’t have looked any less amused when you spotted him, only just able to see him over the almost comically large bunch of flowers. 

If he wasn’t standing right outside the building you needed access to, you would have walked any other direction to avoid him. 

You clenched your jaw tightly and hugged your purse close to your body as you approached him. 

“I’m sorry.” He spoke the second you were in earshot. “I am so, so sorry. I was drunk, not that that’s an excuse but I was. I had a bad day and I was a fucking idiot. I am so, so sorry Y/N.” 

You didn’t say anything. Not a word. Honestly you didn’t have anything to say that wouldn’t either be fuck you or go to hell. 

He proffered the flowers towards you. 

“I’m really, really sorry.” He pouted a little.

He did look apologetic, almost pathetically so and there was a part of you that felt sorry for him. 

Not a big enough part to forgive him though. 

You took the flowers from his hand and Spencer momentarily believed things were going to be ok. 

But then you dropped the bouquet on the floor and stamped heavily on them with your heeled boot.

You didn’t stop there. 

You took the coffee out of his hand, removed the lid and poured the scalding liquid all over the crushed pile of flowers.

Spencer’s face fell.

“Oh come on, that was two hundred dollars worth of flowers.” He groaned, shoulders slumping. 

“You think coffee and flowers are going to make up for what you did?” You spat at him. 

“Not entirely. But I thought it might be a start.” He shrugged meekly, toying with his satchel. 

“Well it isn’t.” You stomped on the flowers again. “You were a world class asshole, Spencer. You do not get to show up at my apartment drunk in the middle of night and try to force me into bed! And the things you said to me…I am not a fling. I am not looking to be a casual hook up and if that’s all you want then you should find someone else.” 

“Y/N, I didn’t mean for you to-“

“Go to hell, Doctor Reid.” You cut him off, stamping on the flowers one more time for good measure. “Respectfully, go to hell.” 

He watched you storm past him inside the building, knowing nothing he could say was going to make this better. 

He’d really fucked this one up. And he had no idea how to fix it.

***

He left a cinnamon latte for you every single day for the next week in Monroe’s classroom. 

He left post it notes on your car that told you how sorry he was. 

He tried at every available opportunity to tell you to your face how sorry he was but every time you caught a glimpse of him, you would turn and walk in the opposite direction. 

He didn’t blame you. But he wished you would give him a chance to explain. 

Not that there was much to explain. He was drunk and he’d been forceful. He’d said horrible things to you. 

An explanation wasn’t really warranted. 

But that didn’t mean he was going to give up. He wasn’t giving you up without a fight. 

It didn’t matter that the two of you had only been on one date, you were all he could think about. You’d left a lasting impression in his heart and he wasn’t letting you just walk away. 

But he knew he couldn’t keep pushing you. You had to want to talk to him. If he kept trying to force you forgive him, he would end up pushing you away. 

He had to give it time and hope that you would come to forgive him on your own. 

In lieu of making things up with you, he had made up with Luke, even if slightly begrudgingly. 

They’d talked on the phone for the best part of a whole evening after the girls were asleep. Luke apologised for the way things had come out. He hadn’t meant them quite as they sounded 

Spencer in turn apologised for reacting the way he had, even though he still felt he was completely justified. 

Luke surprised him somewhat when he asked him, “did you ever really deal with Maeve’s affair?” 

“What do you mean?” Spencer frowned, putting his feet up on his desk and leaning back in his chair. 

“When you talk about it, you always talk about the effect it had on your kids but never how it affected you.” Luke was in full on profiler mode. Spencer had heard that voice countless times. 

“The fact that it affected my kids, affected me.” Spencer’s frown deepened. 

“I know you say it was a marriage of convenience but you were together a long time, Reid. You must have had some kind of feelings for her. It must have hurt.” Luke’s tone was soft yet held a hind of accusation. 

“Not especially.” Spencer shrugged. 

“Spencer,” Luke’s timbre shifted. “The woman you spent a large portion of your life with cheated on you. Your house is still like a goddamn shrine to the life you used to have. And you’ve never gotten over your anger towards her. I think that’s because she hurt you more than you want to admit. You like to pretend you didn’t love her and that you’re unaffected by what happened because you think it’s easier to deal with if you pretend it doesn’t hurt. But sometimes, pain needs to be felt.” 

“Have you ever thought about being a therapist?” Spencer rolled his eyes and sat up in the chair. “I’m fine Luke. I’m angry because she tore my family apart. I’m angry because my kids now only get to see their mother twice a month. I’m angry because I had to reevaluate my whole life after she left. 

But I’m not hurt, I’m not heartbroken. And my house is not a shrine. I work and when I’m not working I’m taking care of my daughters and now some stupid dog too. I’ve been meaning to call Morgan to help me renovate it. I just haven’t had time.” 

“If you insist.” Luke sighed. “I won’t keep pushing it. But just know I’m here if you ever need to talk.” 

“I know. Thanks. But I really am fine.” Spencer stood up and stretched his back. “I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah no worries. Talk soon.” Luke replied and then hung up. 

Spencer kept his phone in his hand and typed out a quick text to you, almost identical to the ones he’d sent you every night this week. 

📲 Y/N Y/L/N: I’m still so sorry. I miss you. Please talk to me. Goodnight, beautiful. 

He checked in on the girls who were both sleeping soundly before having a quick shower and crawling into his own bed. 

And once again, he dreamt of you. 

***

It was probably for the best that you weren’t talking to him and that he hadn’t made plans with you for his child free weekend because he didn’t get a child free weekend. 

He picked Lily and Daisy up from school on Friday and drove them to Maeve’s only for Daisy to refuse to get out of the car. 

“Pumpkin, it’s your weekend with your mom, you have to go.” Spencer turned in his seat to face her. 

“No.” She spoke stubbornly. “I don’t want to see her.”

“You can’t stay mad at her forever.” Spencer leaned over the centre console and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Yes I can.” She huffed. 

“Why don’t you want to see mommy?” Lily spoke up from the backseat. 

“Because I hate her.” Daisy stomped her foot on the floor. 

“Daisy, please don’t say that in front of your sister.” 

“Why? It’s true.” 

Spencer sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“What about if Taco comes to mommy’s with you?” It would be doing him a favour too. 

“Yes! Let’s go get Taco!” Lily beamed. 

“No!” Daisy raised her voice. “I’m not going in there and you can’t make me!” 

She was right, he couldn’t. 

So in the end Lily had stayed at Maeve’s and Daisy had come home with Spencer. 

It was strange just having one of the girls, it wasn’t often the two were apart. It was almost like the days before Lily was born. 

He cooked dinner for the two of them and they ate ice cream for dessert. 

Daisy sat in Spencer’s office with him, laying on the floor with Taco while he graded papers. 

Usually Spencer liked to work alone, the kids rarely came in his office. But he found the sounds of Daisy cooing over the dog relaxing and every now and again when he heard her giggle over the mutt it made his heart swell in his chest. 

“Are you having fun there, pumpkin?” He asked her with an amused smile as he scrawled some notes on one of his students papers.

“Yeah, Taco is the best.” She giggled, giving Taco a belly scratch which he adored. “And it’s nice and quiet, like before Lily was born.” 

Spencer’s pen dropped from his hand as he looked at the back of his daughter's head where she laid on her front on the floor, her thick dark hair tied up on the back of her head. 

“What?” He frowned a little, thinking he must have misunderstood her. 

She rolled over onto her back and propped herself up on her one good arm. 

“I miss it sometimes. Before Lily was born and it was just you, me and mom. Did mom have an affair because of Lily?” She asked curiously. 

Spencer tried to hide his shock, knowing his daughter could read his features. 

He pushed himself up from his chair and rounded the desk, coming over to where Daisy and Taco laid. 

He lowered himself carefully to the floor, grimacing a little as an age spread through the old injury in his leg. 

He sat next to her, stretching his legs out across the dark carpet. 

“What your mom did was neither of your faults. You know that, don’t you?” 

Daisy shrugged. 

“Why did you have Lily? I miss being an only child.” She changed the subject. 

“She’s your sister, don’t say that, please.” 

“We were happy before Lily.” Daisy shrugged again, crossing her legs and pulling Taco into her lap. 

“And we were happy after Lily too.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she instinctively leaned into her fathers body. 

“Do you think mom would have cheated on you if you didn’t have Lily?” 

“I don’t know, pumpkin.” He sighed, pulling her closer. “But Lily isn’t the reason she cheated. And neither are you. I guess…I guess I just couldn’t make her happy.” 

“It’s not that I don’t love Lily.” Daisy tugged at Taco’s ear. “I just miss having all of your love.” 

Spencer felt his heart tear in half. He moved his hand from around her shoulder and cupped her jaw gently, guiding her to look at him. 

“Daisy,” he spoke seriously. “Just because I love your sister, it didn’t for a second make me love you any less, ok? You’re my baby girl, the first time I held you in my arms I felt like I could breathe properly for the first time in my life. The first time you looked at me, I finally knew the reason I was put on this Earth. And that was to love you and be your father. Please never think I could love you any less. You are my whole world ok, pumpkin?”

He felt choked up by the end of his speech and he noticed Daisy had tears in her eyes. 

She was quick to sit back and wipe her eyes on her sleeve. 

“God, mushy much dad?” She scoffed and Spencer chucked. 

He leaned in and placed another kiss at her temple. 

“Love you too, pumpkin.” He laughed against her skin. 

***

Spencer found Luke’s words were taking up too much space in his brain. 

When he awoke Saturday morning he laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling and just enjoying a moment of peace before Daisy woke up. 

Although it wasn’t all that peaceful.

He was ruminating on Luke’s implications of him living in a shrine. 

It wasn’t as though Spencer meant to do that. He really hadn’t had the time to even think about redecorating. 

Ok, maybe that wasn’t true. He had thought about it, quite often in fact. But there was always some kind of blocker between the thought and the action. For whatever reason, he’d never gotten over that hurdle of actually making a change. 

But it wasn’t because he was clinging to his old life. He didn’t pine over his broken marriage, he didn’t wish for Maeve to see sense and come home. 

But maybe there was a small chance that the reason he’d held off for so long was partly due to the fact that once he changed the house, there was no going back. 

If he decorated it was effectively shattering his dreams of the future he’d planned even though, really, those dreams had been destroyed over a year ago. 

Had he really been grasping at his old life so hard and not even realised? 

Something had to change. 

After breakfast he and Daisy went to the hardware store and he let her pick out a new paint for the living room. 

It wasn’t much but it was a start. It was something to prove he wasn’t living in a shrine to his ex-wife. 

Initially she’d chosen a gawdy bright green shade but thankfully Spencer had talked her down to a much more eye pleasing sage.  

The two of them spent the day painting the room, well Spencer did most of it while Daisy kept getting distracted by Taco. And Daisy did only have one good arm, which she kept reminding him. 

But by the time he was finished he felt accomplished. The new colour was much more his style than the buttermilk yellow Maeve had painted the walls when they moved in. 

The only room he’d really aided in decorating was his office with its dark walls, leather desk chair and dark oak desk and bookshelves. 

He’d still be working at the BAU when they moved in and as such wasn’t around much to help make decorating decisions. 

He’d never disliked the way she’d designed the house but maybe it never quite felt like home as it should have. 

The sage green walls felt more cosy. It was reminiscent of his old apartment, the apartment he’d loved so much. He felt comfortable with a darker aesthetic, which was probably strange but to Spencer it felt more homely. 

Spencer always felt more at ease in darkness, he decided not to dwell too long on that thought and what that meant about his mental state. 

He should call Morgan and have him gut this place and start again from scratch. But he wasn’t quite ready to take that step. And not because he was pining over his old life. 

He didn’t know why. But not everything needed to have a reason. 

Once the painting was done and feeling much more satisfied with his living situation, he cooked dinner for the two of them and after he let Daisy choose a movie which he fell asleep halfway through. 

The closing credits woke him and he rubbed his eyes before focusing on Daisy who had her smartphone pointing at him. 

“What are you doing?” He grumbled, feeling the weight of the dog was laying on his chest. 

“Taking pictures.” She giggled. 

“Why?” He shuffled up the couch a little. 

“You look funny.” She snapped one more picture before her dad got mad. 

“How do I look funny?” He scooted the dog off of him and sat up properly, rubbing his eyes again. 

“See for yourself.” She handed him her phone and he stared at the photograph of his sleeping form, mangy dog sleeping soundly on him. 

But that’s not what he was looking at. 

“For the love of god!” He groaned, jumping up and dashing to the mirror by the door. 

“The paint must still have been wet.” Daisy giggled again. 

Spencer had two very distinctive sage coloured doggy paw prints on his face and many more covering his shirt. 

He glanced around and saw a spot on the wall near the TV where the idiotic mutt had put his front paws in the wet paint. 

There was a trail of the sage prints in the carpet from the wall to the couch. 

“This is why I didn’t want a freaking dog.” Spencer huffed as he made his way to the kitchen to clean his face. “What time is it?” 

“Uh…eight?” Daisy sounded unsure of herself. 

“Which means it’s actually later than that and you don’t want to tell me because you don’t want to go to bed.” He chuckled, wiping his face with some kitchen paper. 

“No.” Daisy whined. “Not true.” 

“You know I’m wearing a watch, right?” As he said this he glanced at it and saw it was a little after ten. “Bedtime missy.” 

“Boo!” Daisy sulked. 

He finished up cleaning his face, thankful the paint seemed to come off easily and came back through to the living room where his stubborn daughter sat vigil on the couch. 

“Come on, pumpkin. I can read to you if you like? We haven’t done that in a while.” 

She pulled a face like she was contemplating this for a moment or two. 

“Can Taco come to bed with me?” 

“Sure, why not. It’s not like I’ve brought him two dog beds or anything.” He sighed. 

Daisy happily picked up the little dog and carried him upstairs where she set him on her bed. 

Spencer sat with him while she went through to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth. 

He tucked her in and Taco curled up by her side. 

Spencer slotted himself on the small part of the empty mattress that was left and Daisy handed him a book. 

He read to her until she was sound asleep, snoring a little. She got that from her mother. 

He kissed her forehead and switched off the light before creeping from the room. 

He thought about having a drink but he was still ashamed of his actions the last time he drank so he decided against it. 

He pulled out his phone as he flopped to the couch and sent you a text. 

📲 Y/N Y/L/N: I really am so sorry. Please can we talk? I miss your voice. Goodnight, beautiful. 

Spencer stared at the freshly painted wall and the paw prints left in it, still having Luke’s words swirling around his brain. 

He didn’t love Maeve. He wasn’t heartbroken over her infidelity. He didn’t need to deal with what she’d done because he hadn’t affected him. Had it? 

Somehow he found himself on his feet and moving books aside on the bookshelf that shielded his gun safe. 

He hadn’t actually kept a gun in it for years, not since he left the bureau. But old habits die hard. 

He entered the combination and opened the thick metal door. His hand shook a little as he pulled out the photo album kept hidden inside. 

It was white once but was dirtied from fingerprints over the years. It was a little scuffed around the edges but that was probably from him stuffing it inside the safe that was just a little too small for it. 

Spencer didn’t know why he kept in there. He’d wanted to burn it but thought maybe his kids would like to see it someday when he wasn’t so angry. 

He hadn’t even thought about the album in the year since he’d put it in there. He’d physically locked it away whilst mentally locking away the memories that went with the photographs. 

He took it back over to the couch and tentatively flipped to the first page. 

The first photograph depicted an unusually sunny fall day outside of DC city hall. Spencer wore a suit from his closet and Maeve wore a simple white summer dress, her pregnant belly very noticeable with the slim fitting nature of the dress. 

They both smiled brightly while Morgan snapped the photograph of them showing off their matching gold wedding bands, Spencer’s free hand cupping her stomach that housed baby Daisy. 

He saw no doubts in his eyes, no hint that he was only marrying this woman because he’d gotten pregnant. He looked genuinely elated to be married. He didn’t remember ever feeling that happy. 

On the next page was a series of photos with the backdrop of a hospital room. 

Images of Spencer fussing over Maeve while she was in labour, a slightly fretful look on his features. 

There was a photo of Maeve with the newborn on her chest, seconds after she was born and Daisy was held by her mother for the first time. 

Another of Spencer in the worn leather chair next to the bed with the tiny seven pound baby cradled in his arms as tears streamed down his cheeks. 

There were a couple more of the three of them together in the hospital room and as they left the hospital the following day, Spencer and Maeve held hands while his free one carried Daisy in her rocker. 

The look on Spencer’s face in each one could only be described as pure bliss. 

There were pictures of Daisy with each member of her new family, with her Aunties Emily, JJ and Penelope and her Uncles Derek and Aaron and grandpa Dave. 

There were photographs from a few weeks later when they’d travelled to Vegas so Diana could meet her granddaughter. 

Diana’s smile when she held Daisy for the first time was the brightest he’d ever seen on his mother. She’d been lucid that day, thank god, and had cried and cooed over the gorgeous little bundle her son had created. 

Other photographs of Daisy’s first steps, her first time on the potty, her first Christmas and birthdays littered the pages. 

Birthday cakes and presents wrapped for a child too young to understand what they were. 

Gaudy Christmas jumpers set against the backdrop of an overly decorated tree. Paper hats from crackers adorned on heads. A small child overstimulated by a holiday she couldn’t comprehend. 

And in every single one he and Maeve looked so happy. The images showed them sharing loving looks, exchanging soft touches. 

If the photos didn’t exist, Spencer wouldn’t have believed it. His memories didn’t allow him to recall the joyful moments, only the hurt and the anger. 

Even as he looked at them he struggled to remember ever feeling the way the man in the photographs looked. 

The further into the album he got showed Maeve’s belly growing for the second time and more hospital photographs with Lily featuring Aunty Tara, and Uncles Luke and Matt. 

More holiday photos lined the pages, this time with Daisy helping her sister open her presents. 

Lots of photos of the two girls together riddled the pages. Daisy holding Lily’s hand while she learnt to walk, Daisy reading to her little sister. Daisy cuddling her new little sister and beaming proudly. 

They looked like the perfect family, smiling for the camera. But what was hiding beneath? Were they ever really happy at all? 

About a year after Lily’s birth, the photographs just stopped. The empty pages at the end of the album taunted Spencer. 

They just stopped. Ended with no warning. It was as though all the happy, smiling faces of the pages before had died. 

Maybe they had. 

Tensions had been high between him and Maeve after Spencer gave up the BAU. He resented Maeve and to a certain extent his beautiful daughter, for having to give up a job he adored. 

He was frustrated and exhausted all the time. He was making less money at Georgetown, which didn’t matter so much in the present as he had a substantial amount of savings, but not enough to send two kids to college. His future problems crossed over into his present day. 

It took its toll on Spencer. He went to work, came home and doted on his daughters and barely said two words to Maeve. 

He had a quick temper. His exhaustion manifested in anger and when he did talk to Maeve it was usually to argue with her about something. 

He’d been distant, far away even when he was at home, and she’d been lonely. So she met Bobby who made her feel wanted. 

Could he blame her for that? Was Luke right? He hadn’t been attentive to his wife and so she’d sought comfort elsewhere. Was it his fault she’d strayed? Had he pushed her to it? 

He flipped the album back to the first page to their wedding photo. Was he to blame in all of this? 

He was so wrapped up in his self pity, the knock at the door startled him. 

He frowned to himself as he pushed himself to his feet and padded over to the door. 

Who was knocking at his house so late at night? 

He unlocked the door and cautiously it opened a fraction so he could see who was on the other side before he committed to opening it. 

His frown only deepened when he looked into a familiar pair of eyes staring back at him from the dark. 

He opened the door fully and braced himself against the door jamb. 

“Y/N,” he swallowed. “What are you doing here?” 

Chapter Text

Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation,

Half of my heart takes time.

Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you,

That I can't keep loving you,

With half of my heart.

“Y/N,” he swallowed. “What are you doing here?” 

He felt like his heart had leapt into his throat at the sight of you on his porch. 

You were probably the last person he expected to see here, on his doorstep in the middle of the night. 

You hadn’t said a word to him since crushing the very expensive bouquet of flowers so to say he was surprised to find you here was an understatement. 

“I don’t know why I came here.” You shrugged, scuffing your toe on the doorstep.

You were dressed in sweats, your hair was a little messy and your face was make-up free as though you’d just rolled out of bed. 

The truth was you had. You’d been laying in bed staring at the ceiling and all you could think of was Spencer. 

You were angry at him, hurt at the way he’d treated you but for some ungodly reason you missed him. 

So you’d found yourself jumping out of bed and into your car and driving out of DC and into the Virginia suburbs just to see his face. 

But you didn’t have any idea what you planned on saying when you were actually here, or why you’d come here in the first place. 

“Oh.” He chewed on his lip. “Ok?”

“Can I come in?” 

Spencer looked over his shoulder briefly before looking back at you. His expression was almost guilty. 

“Uh…you see the thing is…”

Your heart dropped and your chest tightened as you stared at him wide eyed. 

“Oh gosh,” you gasped, stumbling backwards a little. “You have another woman in there.” 

Spencer couldn’t help the chuckle that left his lips at the misunderstanding. 

“In a way. A little woman. Daisy’s home.” He shrugged. 

“Oh.” You exhaled, trying to get your breathing back to normal. “I thought your kids were with their mom this weekend?”

“Lily is. Daisy…there was a thing. It was messy. It resulted in Daisy not wanting to see her mom right now.” He gnawed on his lip. “She’s asleep though, so it’s probably ok if you come in.” 

You nodded stiffly and Spencer held the door open for you to enter. He noticed you immediately glancing around the room. 

“You painted?” You frowned, and now you were in the light you could see paw prints all over his shirt. “And so did your dog.” 

“Yeah. It was time.” He shrugged, leading you over to the couch and wishing he’d thought to change out of his paint covered shirt. 

He completely forgot he had the photo album still laid open on the coffee table and he saw your eyes land on it straight away. 

You took in the photograph of a much younger Spencer and his pregnant new wife. 

“Uh…I don’t even know how to explain that.” Spencer sighed, chewing heavily on his lip. “It’s been a really fucking weird week.”

You glanced up at him as he raked his fingers through his hair. 

“You look so young.” You mused. 

“I guess I was. It seems like a different lifetime ago now.” He shook his head. 

“So does this fucking weird week have any relevance to why you showed up at my apartment drunk out of your mind and acted like a complete asshole?” You raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Kind of.” He shrugged. “I haven’t told you the reason why I got divorced.” 

You narrowed your eyes on him, wondering what this had to do with things, but wanted to give him a chance to explain. 

“No, you haven’t.” 

“My ex-wife, Maeve, was having an affair. For three years.” He spoke stoically. “We never told the kids why we broke up, it seemed better if they didn’t know. But Daisy found out and I got angry and I tend to drink when I’m angry. And that’s how I ended up at your apartment, drunk out of my mind and acting like a complete asshole .” 

“Three years? Shit.” You rolled fur lip between your teeth. “That’s fucked up.” 

“Yeah.” Spencer leaned forward and closed the photo album that seemed to be taunting him. “I wasn’t pining or anything. That’s not what this was about. I just…I don’t know. I needed to remember when things were good. Because things feel as though they haven’t been good in a really long time. Not at least until I met you.” 

“You were a jerk.” 

“I was. It was totally inexcusable for me to act the way I did. When it comes to my ex and my kids, I can get a little crazy.” 

“I can tell.” You softened a little. “It doesn’t make up for how you treated me.”

“No, it doesn’t. I can sit here and say I’m sorry until I’m blue in the face, Y/N. I am sorry, if I could take it back I would. The last thing I ever wanted to do was make you think I only wanted you for sex because that’s not true. At least I don’t think it is. 

Honestly I don’t know what I expected between us. I wasn’t looking to meet someone or start anything. I was just trying to get through life one day at a time and keep my head above water. Dating was the last thing on my mind. 

But then, there you were. You just showed up in my life and made me believe I could be happy again. And I went and fucked that up by getting drunk. 

I’m a mess ok? I can’t promise I’m not going to get wound up by something my ex-wife does and drink through the anger again. My life is a fucking disaster, quite frankly. And I’d understand if you didn’t want to get involved in the tsunami of my life, I get it. It’s a lot to ask of anyone. I have baggage and sometimes it’s too much for me to carry alone so I drink or I shut myself off from the world. 

There are a million reasons for you to walk away. And I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I just hope that maybe you see something in me worth staying for.” 

Spencer inhaled deeply after his long, sprawling rant. 

He’d been sitting on the words all week, desperate for you to hear them. And now he had you in front of him he had to get them out before you left again. 

You needed to know the full story, everything you were getting yourself into if in fact you wanted to get into it with him. 

He needed to lay all his cards on the table and hope to god it wouldn’t completely terrify you. 

You listened intently and took in every one of his words, sitting and swirling them around your brain for a few moments. 

Spencer chewed wrraricslly on his lip while he waited for you to respond. 

When you did, your words took him a little by surprise. 

“Look Spencer, I need to know, do you still have feelings for your ex? Because I don’t want to get in over my head for a man who’s hung up on somebody else.” You folded your arms across your chest in a way of creating a barrier between the two of you. 

Spencer glanced back at the closed photo album, biting on the inside of his cheek. 

“The truth is, I don’t know.” He looked back at you, tears glistening behind his eyes. “We got married before we had the chance to know each other. I always told myself that I loved her, sure, but I was never in love with her. I focused on my girls after she left, only letting myself think about what her leaving did to them. I told everyone I was fine because it was just a marriage of convenience. 

No one thought we were going to last, myself included. My father walked out on me and my mom when I was ten. My mentor who hand picked me for the BAU left me with a note. People leave me. It’s a pattern. I guess I always thought she’d do the same. So I tell myself I don’t care and that I’m fine but really…I honestly don’t know how I feel.” 

You appreciated his honesty. You were surprised by it and so was Spencer. 

He wasn’t comfortable being so raw, so vulnerable. It made him feel exposed, as though his chest had been cut open and you were staring at his insides, watching the physical beat of his heart in his chest. 

You shifted a little on the couch, unfolding your arms again so you could play with your hands in your lap. 

“I uh…thanks I guess. For telling me the truth.” Your voice cracked a little. 

Spencer moved closer to you, taking you by surprise. His large hands found your face and cupped your cheeks. 

You felt yourself melt into his hold. Spencer’s skin on yours had a habit of doing that. 

“I don’t know how I feel about my ex. But I do know how I feel about you.” He looked at you intensely, almost as though he was staring into your soul. “I never felt…when I first saw you…” he trailed off with a chuckle. 

“Cat got your tongue, Doctor?” You smiled a little against his warm hands, feeling your precious anger towards him slowly dissipating. 

“I have an IQ of one hundred and eighty seven but I swear when I look in your eyes it renders me dumb.” He exhaled to try and get his brain working. “I am infatuated by you. I have been since the first moment I laid eyes on you. I saw you that day on campus and I swear to god Y/N the whole world stopped turning for me. I have never in my life felt such a magnetic force pulling me towards someone. 

There is something about you that just…it’s like my heart just stopped beating when my ex left and you were like the jolt of electricity that brought me back from the dead. I started to breathe again the moment I looked into your eyes. It’s like I’ve been sleepwalking through most of my life and now I’m wide awake and I…I…I am infatuated by you. Truly and utterly infatuated. So no, I don’t know how I feel about my ex but I damn sure know how I feel about you.” 

His words had caused tears to well in your eyes. It was the most open he’d been with you, it was the most open he’d been with anyone in a long time. 

Did it make you a complete idiot that you were falling for this? He’d admitted he didn’t know how he felt about his ex-wife, what if he realised somewhere down the line that he was still in love with her? What would that mean for you? 

It was probably easier to walk away now. At least it should have been. But despite yourself you were already in too deep. Your feelings for Spencer had manifested at lightning speed and you were already hooked on him. 

Chances were this would end in disaster. But wouldn’t it just be the most beautiful disaster? 

“I’m not looking for a fling, Spencer. I’m not looking to just be a bit on the side while you resolve your feelings towards your ex. I’m not after something casual. And if you can only give me casual then I think it’s best if we-“ you were cut off suddenly when Spencer’s lips crashed against your own. 

You whined a little, your lips parting and his tongue took the initiative to glide into your mouth. 

He laid you back on the couch and held your face while he kissed you with bruising force. The passion laced in that kiss set your body aflame. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping him close. He explored your mouth with a combination of desperation and intrigue. 

The weight of his body pressed you into the couch and you felt him growing hard almost immediately. He rolled his hips against yours and you moaned against his lips. 

You moved one hand down his chest towards his crotch and started stroking him through his pants. 

He bucked against you, moaning into your mouth.

“Fuck.” He panted. “Fuck, we can’t.” 

Reluctantly Spencer tore himself away from you, a part of his brain screaming at him to kiss you again. 

He pulled himself off you and sat up, trying to ignore the throbbing in his pants. 

“My daughters upstairs. I don’t want…I don’t want to be the dad that has sex while his daughter is right upstairs.” He put his head in his hands. “And also, it doesn’t exactly help my case of showing you I want something more if I try to get you into bed at every available opportunity.” 

And as turned on and as frustrating as it was, your heart melted. 

“Spence?” You whispered, shuffling closer to him and stroking the back of his neck. 

“Hmm?” He uncovered his face again and looked at you. 

“You’re an amazing father.” You placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. 

“Thank you.” He choked a little.

“So this isn’t just a fling?” You nervously chewed your bottom lip, needing to hear him say it. 

He leant forward and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“You could never be just a fling. I can’t promise you forever Y/N because I can’t even promise myself that. The only long term relationship I’ve ever had was with Maeve and that ended so terribly that I am terrified of letting myself be vulnerable again. But I want to try. And I can promise you I will give you my all. I will give you every piece of my heart that is still mine to give. But you have to understand that my heart isn’t necessarily whole anymore, but I want you to have all the shards that I still have.” His eyes filled with tears again. 

“Ok.” You nodded with a small smile. 

“Ok?” He frowned. 

“Ok, I might consider letting you take me out again.” 

“How about tomorrow?” The tears in his eyes seemed to vanish only to be replaced with a sparkle. 

“I thought you had your daughter this weekend?” 

“Me and my friend Jennifer were supposed to be taking the kids to the park tomorrow but she owes me a favour.” 

“What are you suggesting, Doctor?” 

“JJ and her husband can handle the three kids. And the dog. Tomorrow I want to take you out.” 

“You really don’t have to.” You shook your head. “I don’t ever want to get in the way of you spending time with your kids.” 

“I spend all my time with my kids.” He chuckled. “One Sunday isn’t the end of the world. And besides, with Daisy so angry at her mom I have no idea when I’ll have a free weekend again.” 

“I have one stipulation.” You cocked a playful eyebrow. 

“What’s that?” Spencer frowned a little. 

“Bring the dog. I love dogs.” You smirked.

“Trust me, you won’t love this one.” Spencer laughed. 

“Not the way you do, no.” You giggled, standing up from the couch. “But bring the dog.” 

“You will regret that.” Spencer stood too and walked you towards the door. 

“We’ll see.” You opened the door and hovered in the entrance way. “So, tomorrow?”

“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.” Spencer leaned in and kissed you softly again. 

But soft quickly turned passionate and he had to forcibly pull back before he got carried away. 

“Goodnight, Doctor.” You laughed as you stepped onto the porch. 

“Goodnight, Angel.” He smiled dopily as he watched you leave. 

Daisy hid out of sight in the corridor, peeping through the crack in the living room door. She cradled Taco with her good arm. 

She watched her dad close the door and lean back against it, a smile on his face bigger than any she’d seen on him for a while. 

She didn’t need to read micro expressions to know her dad was actually happy. 

It made Daisy smile too. She loved her dad and wanted him to be happy and she was smart enough to know he hadn’t really been happy since her mom left. 

When Spencer moved away from the door and started shutting off the lights, she quickly and quietly scampered back upstairs and into bed before her dad realised she’d been spying on him. 

She got curled up under her duvet with Taco under her arm just moments before the door reopened a crack and Spencer stuck his head inside. 

She kept her eyes screwed tightly shut as her dad hovered in the doorway. After a few moments she heard him whisper, “sweet dreams, pumpkin. I love you.” And then the door closed again.

She opened her eyes and snuggled closer to the scruffy mutt. 

“I love you too dad.” She whispered into the dark. 

***

JJ was more than happy for Spencer to skip their park day and take Daisy with them, especially when she found out why. 

Spencer however had a slight crisis of faith about the whole thing. 

“Does it make me a terrible dad for palming off my daughter on you so I can spend time with a woman?” He fretted. 

“Spence, you couldn’t be a terrible dad if you tried. It’s hard enough being a parent when there’s two of you. Being on your own and dating…you do what you have to do.” JJ tried to reassure him. 

“I just…I don’t want to be like my dad.” 

“Spencer,” JJ gripped his shoulder. “Your dad walked out on you. He just got up and left. You are having one day off, which rightfully should have been your day off anyway because Daisy was supposed to be with Maeve. You are absolutely nothing like your dad. Please stop worrying. Focus on Y/N. I’ve got this.” 

God he didn’t know what he would do without JJ’s words of wisdom sometimes. 

Still feeling a little guilty, he kissed his daughter goodbye and hopped in his car, along with Taco, and drove to Folger Park where the two of you were meeting.

He was a little late thanks to his crisis and you were waiting on a bench with coffees.

You lit up when you saw him approaching but it turned to a frown when you saw the hairy creature trailing behind him on a leash.

“That’s a dog?” You stared at it.

“I’m starting to become unsure of that myself.” He wrapped his free hand around you, cupping your lower back and placed a soft kiss on your lips. 

“He looks like a Gremlin.” You crouched down to inspect him better. 

“I thought about getting him groomed but I’m scared of what I might find under there.” 

“He’s got a cute little face. His ears are too long.” You giggled, patting the mutt on the head. 

Taco responded by giving you a happy little bark and then attacking your face with his tongue. 

“He likes you. I think. I don’t know, I haven't figured him out yet.” 

“I think he likes me. Do you like me, Taco?” You continued to fuss him and he kept licking you. 

“Ok, ok, that’s enough. I’m the only one that gets to use tongue with her.” Spencer tugged the dog away from you before lifting him up and sitting down on the bench with Taco in his lap. 

“Are you jealous, Doctor?” You sat next to him, handing him one of the coffees.

“Of a mangy dog? Hardly.” Spencer scoffed. 

“You’re going to give him a complex if you keep talking about him like that.” 

“It’s a good job he can’t understand a word I’m saying then.” Spencer chuckled. 

“You like the dog.” You smiled in amusement.

“I do not. Stop saying that.” Spencer grumbled.

“The dog certainly likes you.”

“As he should, I saved him from near death.” 

“You like the dog.” You laughed to yourself, sipping your coffee. 

“Please can we stop focusing on the dog? Just pretend he isn’t here.” 

“Maybe we should walk him.” 

“As long as we don’t talk about him, I’m fine with that.” Spencer set Taco back on the ground and the two of you stood up. 

You strolled through the park sipping coffee and basking in the pleasantly warm weather. Spring was approaching and flowers were starting to blossom, the smell of the pollen in the air. Trees were regrowing their leaves, lining the path you walked in a welcome shade. 

Taco stopped to sniff every flower they passed and got skittish when other dogs tried to greet him. 

Spencer lost count of the amount of times he had to tell dog owners, “he’s nervous. I think. He’s weird.” 

You chatted between yourself comfortably when Taco wasn’t demanding attention. Once the coffees were finished and disposed of you continued to walk. 

Spencer rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbows as the sun's warmth started to beat down on him. 

At one point your hands brushed against each other’s and it made Spencer jump a little although he wasn’t sure why. It was like static electricity had passed between you. One that sent shocks right to his heart. 

When it happened a second time he took it as a sign and without looking to see your reaction, he threaded his fingers in yours. 

You glanced over at him with a smile and held his hand tightly. 

“Is it weird to say that this feels…normal?” Spencer asked as you walked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s just…I don’t feel as though I’ve felt normal in a long time. Maybe ever in fact. But this, walking with you, hand in hand, even the dog…it just feels normal.” He shrugged. 

“I’m glad.” You felt a small blush creep to your cheeks. “And it’s not weird. It does feel…normal.” 

“And then we remember I have an ex-wife and two kids and really, this is far from normal?” 

“Maybe.” You nodded. “Maybe it’s not normal. But it at least feels good.” 

“It certainly does.” He gave your hand a squeeze. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I read about this place nearby called Barkhaus, it’s a bar-restaurant that welcomes dogs off leash, they even have an outdoor seating area with a fenced off dog park next to it. Seeing as we're hungry and you love dogs and I have a dog…”

“You love that freaking dog!” You giggled. “You researched places to take him!”

“I researched places to take you. And they had to accommodate dogs because you insisted I bring him.” He shook his head with a laugh. 

“You are truly obsessed with this dog, you just don’t realise it yet. But yes, Barkhaus sounds perfect.”

“I will kick this dog in the face if it will prove to you I don’t like it.” 

“You would not.” You rolled your eyes. 

“No, you’re right I wouldn’t.” He laughed, tugging the leash in the new direction they were heading. “Come on Taco, let’s go make you some friends.”

***

The restaurant was only a few blocks away so the two of you continued your walk and left Spencer’s car near the park. 

Barkhaus was an old industrial building and was very contemporarily decorated, with exposed brick walls and pipes decorating the ceiling. One wall was entirely covered in fake grass. 

You got a table on the patio and Spencer coaxed Taco in the fenced off area where a couple of other much bigger, much more dog-looking dogs, were already playing. 

The area has some wooden hurdles which the bigger dogs were having no trouble with but Taco was so small he just walked right under them. 

The other dogs were curious about Taco, rightly so. They followed him around, sniffing him and watching his every move. 

Taco didn’t seem like he much enjoyed the attention but Spencer hoped he’d ease into it. He really didn’t want to spend his afternoon worrying about the dog when he had more important things to focus on. 

But he couldn’t help but be utterly fascinated by his stupid dog. 

After a little while he heard you laugh and snapped his eyes away from Taco to see you watching him in amusement. 

“You love that dog.” You giggled, picking up your menu as Spencer glared at you. 

“I find him interesting.” He rolled his eyes, picking up his own menu. “I do not like him.” 

“Hmm, sure.” You didn’t look up from the menu but he saw the smile on your lips. 

You both ordered burgers and milkshakes while you watched Taco start to loosen up around the other dogs. It didn’t take long for him to start looking as though he was actually having a good time. 

Spencer had moved his chair next to yours and slung his arm around your shoulders. You leant in close to him and threaded the fingers of his free hand with yours. 

It felt natural. It was calming to have Spencer so close while you were wrapped in his protective hold, watching the strange creature grow accustomed to other dogs. 

You sat like this until your food was brought over and you ate in companionable silence, Spencer glancing over his shoulder to check on Taco every few minutes. 

Once you’d eaten, he sat back in his chair and sipped on his milkshake.

“So how would you feel about a weekend away?” He mused out loud. 

“With you or in general?” You teased. 

“Preferably with me.” He laughed around his straw. “My friend Rossi has a cabin near Lake Anna. It’s supposed to be incredibly romantic and I wondered if you might like to go with me?” 

You felt yourself blushing and distracted yourself by taking a sip of your milkshake. 

“What about Daisy? I thought she wasn’t keen on going to her moms right now?” 

“Where there’s a will there’s a way.” He shrugged. “I’ll talk to her. She’s going to have to see her mom at some point. But if I can convince her to go…”

“I would love a weekend away with you.” You smiled brightly as Spencer reached across the table and took hold of your hand. 

“Perfect. Great. I’ll call Rossi tomorrow and-“

“Reid?” A voice cut him off and he didn’t need to turn around to know who it belonged to. 

He sighed, letting go of your hand and slowly turning, expecting to just see the person the voice belonged to but there were two people standing a few feet away, one of whom was holding a dog leash. 

“OMGEE is it boy wonder!” Garcia screeched a little and was suddenly laughing herself towards him while the voice he’d heard, belonging to Luke Alvez, hung back with Roxy.

Spencer pushed himself to his feet just in time to be swallowed in a bear hug by the bubbly tech analyst. 

“What are you doing here?” She jiggled him a little before letting him go and her eyes landed on you. “Oh my gosh! Don’t tell me this is Y/N!”

You shyly stood and offered a small wave but then you too found yourself engulfed by the colourful woman’s arms. 

“Uh…hi.” You giggled, wrapping your arms around the strangers neck in response. 

“Spencer did not mention how utterly beautiful you are!” Garcia let you go but not before first squeezing your cheeks. 

“Uh…I didn’t know Spencer had mentioned me at all.” You blushed a little, sidling up to him and he instinctively put a protective arm around you. 

“Y/N, this is Penelope Garcia and Luke Alvez. I worked with them at the BAU.” Spencer offered up the introductions. 

“And this is Roxy.” Luke pointed at his dog. 

“She’s beautiful.” She smiled bashfully, sinking into Spencer’s hold. 

“Thanks.” Luke smiled back at you. “I forgot you for a dog. This is the last place I expected to see you.” 

“Yeah, he’s over there being weird or something.” Spencer motioned over his shoulder. “Are you two uh…”

“On a date.” Luke beamed brightly. “Yeah.” 

“Oh wow, that’s great. I had no idea.” 

“It’s early days.” Garcia nudged Luke’s shoulder with her own. 

“We uh…haven’t told the team yet.” Luke added. 

“My lips are sealed.” Spencer nodded in understanding. “Do you uh…want to join us? We’ve already eaten but we’re not in a rush, right?”

He glanced down at you and you looked back up at him and nodded. 

For all your confidence, meeting Spencer’s friends had thrown you through a loop. 

“Yeah sure, that would be great.” Luke agreed for both of them. 

Spencer placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and let you go so he could procure two more chairs while you and Garcia slotted into the ones already at the table. 

Luke deposited Roxy in the fenced off area and as if sensing Taco was Spencer’s dog, she padded right over to him. 

And Taco didn’t shy away. He seemed to take an instant liking to Roxy which went against everything Spencer knew about his dog. 

“Wow, look at him making friends.” you laughed a little, shuffling your chair closer to Spencer’s as you felt Penelope and Luke’s eyes on you. 

“Roxy has a calm about her. People and dogs seem to pick up on her energy.” Luke smiled at you. 

“I don’t want to talk about dogs.” Garcia leant forward on the table and you half thought she might lunge at you across it. “How did you meet our Mighty Professor?” 

You looked from the brightly coloured blonde to Spencer as if you needed some kind of push.

He smiled at you in such a loving way, it helped in calming your nerves. His hand moved under the table and gently cupped your knee which helped even more.

“It was on my first day at Georgetown. I’m a TA and I got lost on my first day. Spencer showed me where I needed to go.” you felt him squeeze your knee encouragingly under the table.

“Like a knight in shining armour.” Garcia fawned. 

“She wasn’t a damsel in distress, Garcia. I simply showed her the way to the psychology building.” Spencer chuckled at his friends over enthusiastic nature. 

“Don’t downplay yourself, Reid.” She scolded him slightly. 

“Yeah, don’t downplay yourself.” You giggled giving him a sideways glance. 

“Have you met his kids?” Luke asked now. 

“Oh no,” you shook your head. “We’ve only just started dating.” 

Spencer swallowed, shrinking down in his chair a little but no one seemed to notice. 

He hadn’t even considered that. He hadn’t thought that dating someone would eventually lead to them meeting his girls. 

After the way Maeve had hurt them, he wasn’t exactly keen on letting another woman close to his daughters. 

“They’re the cutest! You will adore them!” Garcia squealed a little, getting animated as she started talking about her nieces. 

You glanced at Spencer who looked suddenly pale. His body was a little stiff and his hand on your knee had gone limp.

It was obvious only to you why that was. 

He didn’t join in the conversation much after that and left you to be grilled by Garcia and Luke. 

Eventually sensing they probably wanted to eat and enjoy their date and realising he needed to get back for Daisy, Spencer drew their lunch to a close.

After collecting Taco from where he was playing with Roxy, the three of you walked back to Spencer’s car in stilted silence. 

You knew exactly why he was acting this way but you had no idea how to broach the subject. 

When you reached his car and you both slipped inside, Taco settling onto your lap in the passenger's seat, you finally decided to say something. 

“You know I’m not expecting to meet your kids right?” you spoke up as he was jabbing the key in the ignition. 

He exhaled loudly and slowly turned to look at you. 

“I never even thought about it.” He frowned. “This whole thing with you happened so suddenly that I never considered that dating meant the possibility of someone being introduced to my girls one day. And if I’m being perfectly honest with you, that scares me more than anything.” 

You smiled sympathetically at him and reached out to take hold of his hand that was clutched around the steering wheel. 

“Spence, we’ve just started dating, neither of us is ready to get your kids involved in our relationship. We just have to take things a step at a time. Day by day. But I guess one day, if things were to get serious then I would probably have to meet them. But that’s a bridge we cross if and when we come to it, ok?” You brushed your thumb over his knuckles to try and sooth him. 

He nodded briskly but he was still frowning slightly. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. I’m sorry, this is just all so new to me. Dating and being a dad, you know?” He exhaled again. 

“It's new to me too, I’ve never dated someone with kids before.” You chuckled, bringing his hand to your lips so you could lightly kiss his knuckles. “We’ll puzzle it out together, ok? But in the meantime, I remember there being talks of a weekend away?” 

A bright smile suddenly broke out on his features, reaching up to his eyes. 

“I’ll speak to Rossi tomorrow.” He returned the favour and kissed the back of your hand too before surprising everyone when he patted Taco’s head completely unprovoked. 

“Sounds good.” you agreed as he let go of your hand and started the engine. 

As he pulled away, you saw him glance at the dog a few times before speaking again. 

“But the dog stays home. He’s a real mood killer.”

You couldn’t help but laugh and muss the dog’s scruffy head. 

“Whatever you say, Doctor. Whatever you say.” 

Chapter Text

Well in this life you must find something to live for,

'Cause when the darkness comes a callin',

You'll go back to where you were before.

'Cause this life is as,

Fragile as a dream, and,

Nothing's ever really,

As it seems.

Rossi had happily agreed to let Spencer and you use his cabin for a weekend away, but he wouldn’t be Rossi if it didn’t come with a stipulation. 

He was fine with the two of you using his cabin, if he met you first. 

Luke and Garcia had agreed to sit the girls for the evening and had taken Roxy with them over to Spencer’s that Friday night. 

The girls adored their Aunty Penelope and Uncle Luke and were ecstatic to spend the evening with them. 

So that was how you ended up on the doorstep of an extremely grand house in DC, wearing your best black satin dress and heels, hand sweating in Spencer’s. 

“My entire apartment building could fit inside the house.” You swallowed a lump in your throat as Spencer rang the doorbell. 

“Yeah it’s pretty daunting the first time you see it. But I guess I’ve gotten used to it.” He chuckled breezily, giving your hand a squeeze. 

You looked him up and down out of the corner of your eye. 

He looked positively fuckable in his deep burgundy shirt, black tie and slacks. You felt a heat flood between your legs and you wondered why the two of you hadn’t skipped dinner in lieu of other activities. 

Sensing you looking at him he turned, an amused smirk on his lips. 

“Mind out of the gutter, angel.” He winked at you. “At least for now anyway.” 

You opened your mouth to reply but suddenly the door was opening and an older man with completely silver hair and beard and the kindest eyes you’d ever seen, was smiling at you both. 

“Spencer!” He practically cheered and Spencer let go of your hand so he could embrace Rossi.

Rossi gave him a kiss on each cheek, looking pleased to see his old friend. 

“It’s good to see you kid.” 

“And you Dave.” Spencer stepped back and placed his hand on your lower back, edging you forward. “This is Y/N.” 

“ Benvenuta !” He exclaimed, placing his hands on your shoulders and kissing both of your cheeks too. “It’s very nice to meet you Y/N.”

“Likewise sir.” You chewed on your lip nervously. 

“Oh come on now, sir makes me feel old. Call me Dave. Come inside.” He stepped away from the door and motioned you both in. “Krystall sends her apologies but she’s gone to visit Portia for the weekend.” 

“Ah that’s a shame.” Spencer guided you with a hand on your back towards the door. 

He felt your body tense as you moved closer to the house. He thought it was adorable how nervous you got around his friends. 

You were usually so confident so seeing this side of you allowed Spencer a glimpse into another facet of your personality, another thing that made you who you are. 

You weren’t normally uneasy around new people, you’d spoken to him just fine when you’d met. 

So the only logical explanation for your anxiety around his friends was because you were scared they wouldn’t like you. 

And you wanted them to like you because you liked Spencer. 

Rossi ushered you in and closed the door and your wide eyes and slack jaw as you took in the entrance way wasn’t lost on either man. 

The floor your heels clacked on as you walked was a stunning cream marbled with grey swirls. An expansive staircase with large dark oak bannisters rose to the second floor. 

Intricate and what you could only assume was very expensive pieces of art hung from the walls. The ceilings were high and vaulted. 

Rossi took your coats and hung them on a large, ornate silver coat rack. 

He motioned you through to the kitchen where you were met the delectable smell of frying bacon and garlic. 

The kitchen was just as grand as the entrance way, with every possible kind of appliance dotted around the large marble countertops. 

But it was clear they all went to good use. 

Rossi quickly moved to the stove to stir the pasta sauce before turning back and giving you both a large smile. 

“ Carbonara alla Rossi, I didn’t think to ask Spencer if you ate meat.” He shrugged sheepishly.

“I do.” You nodded. “I eat pretty much anything.” 

“ Favoloso !” He clapped his hands together before slinging a dish cloth over his shoulder. “Can I get either of you a glass of wine?” 

“I’ll have one with dinner but I’m driving.” Spencer replied, wrapping his arm around you again, his palm resting on your lower back. 

His warm touch allowed you to relax a little. 

“Y/N, please tell me you will join me for a pre-dinner glass of vino?” Rossi looked at you expectedly. 

You glanced up at Spencer as though you needed permission to drink and Spencer chuckled. 

“Do let me stop you, angel.” He rubbed your back a little. 

You nodded and turned back to Rossi with a smile. 

“Merlot please, if you have it.” 

“If I have it?” He chuckled heartily. “My dear, I have a wine cellar full to the brim with wines from before you were even born. I’ll be right back. Make sure my pancetta doesn’t burn!” 

Rossi hurried off and Spencer turned you so you were facing him. 

He stroked your hair back from your face and looked down at you with a soft look in his eyes. 

It was a new look, one you couldn’t place. Usually when he looked at you his eyes were full of lust but this was different. 

“He’s eccentric.” You whispered, having to tiptoe to kiss him even in your heels.

“That’s certainly one way to describe him.” Spencer laughed against your lips. “I like this. You meeting my friends.”

Your heart swelled at the happiness emanating from him as he kissed you again. 

“I like it too.” 

He certainly wasn’t ready for you to meet his kids but this was a nice start. 

He kissed you once more, a little deeper than before and you both didn’t notice Rossi reentering the room until you heard a cry. 

“Aye! My pancetta!” 

***

Lily was half asleep on the living room floor, lazily stroking Taco’s belly. Daisy sat cross legged on the couch trying to listen into her Aunty Penelope and Uncle Luke’s chatter in the kitchen over the sound of the TV. 

Roxy was on the couch with her, her head resting in Daisy’s lap while Daisy absent-mindedly scratched behind her ear. 

Eventually she pushed herself up, gently moving the large dog aside and padding towards the kitchen. 

Penelope and Luke had their backs to the door, fussing over how to make the best hot cocoa. 

Penelope was insisting they boil the milk in the pan but Luke was adamant it was just the same in the microwave. 

“It’s just lazy!” Penelope grumbled. 

“It doesn’t taste any different.” Luke argued. 

“We’ll see shall we? You make your heathen cocoa and I’ll make my delicately light and fluffy cocoa and we’ll see which the girls prefer.” She gave him a challenging look through her thick pink frames.

“Oh you are so on woman. Just you wait. You’re about to be a very sore-”

“Does my dad have a girlfriend?” Daisy suddenly spoke up causing Luke and Penelope’s backs to go rigid.

She saw them exchange a look before turning to face her. 

“Uh…sorry?” Penelope squeaked a little. 

Daisy cradled her cast and gave them a look that said, I’m not an idiot. 

Their expressions, no matter how hard they tried to hide them, told her the answer. 

“That’s a yes then.” She smiled a little. 

“Uh…” Luke looked at Garcia before looking back at Daisy.

He had a lot of nieces and he knew to find out the facts before he admitted to anything. He felt a little like an unsub being interrogated.

If he found out why Daisy thought that, he might be able to counter her points. 

“What makes you think that?” He moved across the room towards her.

“I grew up around profilers, Uncle Luke, I know what you’re trying to do.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I saw a lady leaving the house last week and dad kissed her.” 

Luke looked at Garcia over his shoulder and she just shrugged. 

He exhaled before looking back at the teenager. 

“Right. I don’t suppose I can spin that another way, can I?”

“Nope.” Daisy giggled. “So it’s true? He has a girlfriend?” 

“It’s…he’s dating.” Garcia scurried over on her too high heels. “He met someone. She’s lovely.” 

“She’s very pretty.” Daisy nodded. “Is he happy?” 

Luke and Garcia both melted at her question. It was too adorable that all Daisy cared about was her fathers happiness. 

“I think so, kid.” Luke smiled at her. 

“I want him to be happy.” Daisy nodded. “Why hasn’t he told us?” 

Again Luke and Garica looked at each other, subconsciously trying to work out the best way to answer that. 

She was so much like her dad and there was no lying to Spencer. He always saw right through them and no doubt his daughter would too. 

“They’ve just met. It’s still early days. But I’m sure at some point he will tell you. But after your mom…he’s scared.” Luke tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

“I just want him to be happy.” She repeated. 

“He is, sweet pea.” Garcia wrapped her arm around Daisy and bowed her head to kiss her hair. “Just give him time, ok?” 

“And maybe don’t tell Lily yet.” Luke added. 

“Ok.” Daisy agreed with a small smile. “Lily’s terrible at keeping secrets.” 

Garcia ruffled her hair a little with a laugh. 

“You still want cocoa?” 

“Yes please!” Daisy cheered. 

“Go in the living room with your sister.” Luke patted her back. 

“Ok!” She turned towards the door but as she reached it, she turned back to look at the grown-up’s. “Oh Uncle Luke?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

“You’re bonkers if you think microwave milk is going to taste the same as boiled milk.” She shot him a cheeky grin before hurrying back into the living room. 

“Son of a bitch.” Luke laughed. 

“Told you.” Garcia grinned smugly. “Saucepan please.”

***

“You got shot in the leg?” You glared wide eyed at Spencer over your wine glass, a slightly amused smile on your lips.

“It wasn’t as bad as he’s making it out to be.” Spencer rolled his eyes. 

“You used a cane for months, kid.” Rossi laughed. 

“Ok so it was kind of bad. But it was a long time ago. And it only hurts every so often.” Spencer tried to downplay it. 

Dinner was incredible and after a few glasses of wine your nerves had eased up. Rossi had made you feel so welcome which also helped you relax. 

You were now in his impressive study, sinking down into a large leather armchair with Spencer on his own next to you. 

He’d reached across the space between you and had been holding your hand the whole time. 

You finished the remains of your wine while Rossi swirled his scotch around his glass. 

“I tell ya, the stories I could tell you about Reid-”

“Let’s save that for another time, shall we?” Spencer cut him off. “I’d rather it we didn’t scare Y/N off.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all the good doctors' gory secrets one day.” Rossi winked at you. 

Spencer patted your hand and you nodded, leaning forward to put your empty glass on the coffee table. 

“I should get back and relieve Luke and Garcia of babysitting duty.” Spencer let go of your hand and pushed himself up from the chair. 

You followed suit, as did Rossi.

“How they think the team doesn’t know they’re dating is beyond me.” Rossi chuckled. 

He led you out into the entrance way and handed you both your coats. 

“Thank you so much Dave, dinner was wonderful and it was so nice to meet you.” You smiled a little dreamily, Spencer could see the alcohol had gone to your head a little. 

“The pleasure, my dear, is all mine.” He gripped your face and kissed both of your cheeks with gusto. 

As you slipped on your coat he gave the same treatment to Spencer. 

“She’s great, kid. Don’t let her go.” He whispered into Spencer’s ear. 

“Duly noted.” Spencer smiled warmly. 

He opened the door and placed his hand on your lower back to guide you towards it. 

“ Buona notte .” Rossi waved the two of you off. 

You waved back and started down the stairs ahead of Spencer. 

“Reid?” Rossi called him before he got too far.

“Yeah?” 

“The two of you are welcome to my cabin anytime.” 

“Thanks Dave. Goodnight.”

“G’night kid.”

Spencer hurried down the stairs after you, taking hold of your hand and bringing it to his lips before he brushed them over your knuckles. 

You swayed a little in your heels as you looked up at him. 

The moon was peaking between the clouds and caught your eye as you looked at him. 

It caused your eyes to sparkle in such a magical way Spencer almost lost his footing. That paired with the smile tugging at the corners of your lips, the one you seemed to reserve just for him, lit a fire in Spencer. 

And at that moment on Rossi’s driveway, he found himself handing over all the remains of the shattered fragments of his heart to you and praying to a god he didn’t believe in that you were the one who could help piece them back together. 

***

You rambled on on the drive home, your tipsy words making Spencer laugh as he drove. 

You were animatedly gesticulating with your hands as you spoke, almost hitting him a few times. 

He tried to remain focused on the road but your wild arm movements kept garnering his attention. 

“I’m going to get in an accident if you don’t calm down.” He chuckled, easily grabbing both of your wrists in one hand and placing them in your lap. 

“Sorry.” You chewed your lip. “I’m a little tipsy.” 

“I can tell.” He returned his hand to the wheel with an amused smile. 

“A little tipsy.” You repeated, turning your body in the chair so you could look at him. “And a lot horny.”  

Spencer almost swerved the car off the road and gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles instantly turned white. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” His cock was immediately awake. “Don’t say things like that. My girls are home.” 

“Didn’t say we needed to go home.” You reached over the centre console and palmed his already hardening cock through his slacks. 

His toes curled in his shoes and he hissed. 

“Fuck.” He swallowed, tightening his hold on the steering wheel. “W-what are you suggesting?” 

“A dark alley and a bad idea.” You pressed your palm against his erection and he jolted a little in his seat. 

“You will be the death of me.” He growled. “Thank fuck I put those condoms in my bag.” 

He was quick to locate a dark and desolate side street, barely able to see through the lust clouding his vision. 

It was a narrow alley, barely bigger than Spencer’s car and the only light was from the moon still creeping between the clouds. 

He practically slammed on the brakes and shut off the engine, unbuckling his belt in a flash and turning to you with dark eyes. 

“Come here then angel,” he patted his lap. “Or are you all talk?” 

You fumbled undoing your belt in excitement and Spencer had to help you out of it before he was pulling you towards him and having you straddle his lap. 

The seat was already back as far as it would go due to his long legs and a car that wasn’t strictly made for a man of his stature. 

Your dress rode up your thighs and you instantly started grinding his lap while he roughly gripped the back of your neck and crashed your lips together. 

You moaned into his mouth as his free hand wandered your thigh, wasting no time in moving your panties aside. 

He hissed into your mouth when he felt how wet the fabric was already and the heat that emanated from you made him dizzy. 

The two of you didn’t get to be alone often and he was too eager to wait. He dove two fingers inside your waiting cunt and you bucked against his hand, your teeth sinking into his bottom lip. 

He returned the favour by roughly thrusting them upwards and curling them against your bundle of nerves. 

Your tongue hungrily explored his mouth, navigating every inch of his mouth. Your hands swatted at his belt, desperately trying to free him from his slacks. It took a few failed attempts before you got it undone and popped open the button on his pants. 

Your hand sunk inside his boxers, moving the fabric enough to let his throbbing member escape. You stroked his length as he continued fucking his fingers inside of you with force and desperation. 

You tore your lips apart so you could look at him. His lips were swollen and red and his pupils were blown out wide. His messy hair fell onto his forehead and he smiled wildly as you pumped him harder. 

“Fuck angel, you are too good at that.” He panted, his chest heaving up and down. “And you feel so good around my fingers.” 

He dove deeper, causing you to jump a little and throw your head back in pleasure. 

The windows were already steamed up from your heavy breathing, obscuring any previous vision of the dark street. 

Precome leaked from Spencer’s head and you swiped your thumb over it and spread it down his shaft. 

The sounds of your wet slicked cunt as Spencer plunged his fingers in and out of you filled the car. 

His free hand started fumbling behind his chair, trying to locate his satchel. 

He gripped the handle and tossed it to the front seat. Still keeping up your strokes on his cock, you leaned over slightly and rummaged inside for a condom. 

The ripples of pleasure crashing through your body meant it took longer than you would have liked before your fingers brushed against what you were looking for. 

You sat back with it and after a few more thrusts of his fingers Spencer cautiously withdrew them. 

You watched in absolute awe as he drew those same fingers to his lips and sucked your arousal clean of them. 

“Fuck you taste good.” He hummed around his own digits. 

Your thighs clamped together at the sight. 

“God-fucking-damn Doctor.” You whined, squeezing the base of his shaft a little. 

He smirked before pulling you in for another kiss, the taste of yourself on his tongue was electric. 

As he kissed you, you ripped open the condom and held his shaft as you rolled it down his length. You pulled back from his lips and knelt over his head. 

You moved your panties aside again for him while his own hand went to the base of his cock as he lined himself up. Slowly you lowered yourself, keeping your eyes firmly on his. 

Just moments ago he’d been driving and now here you were. It had all happened so fast it made him a little dizzy. But this was the first time he’d had you alone in what felt like forever. He didn’t want to waste a second. 

There would be other times for you to go slow, maybe at Rossi’s cabin. But now the need for speed was prevalent. 

His head pressed against your desperate hole briefly before you steadily sunk down onto him, feeling your walls stretch around his heavy length. 

Spencer’s eyes rolled back in his head and he gripped hold of your hips, blunt nails digging into your flesh. 

Your pussy fluttered around him, tightening as though you might come already. He bottomed out inside of you, taking a few moments just to revel in the way you felt sheathed around his cock. 

“I could stay like this forever.” He moaned, head falling forward onto your shoulder. “I could just fucking live in this glorious pussy.” 

He sucked on the flesh of your shoulder, hard enough to leave behind marks whilst the two of you sat perfectly still. 

Your hands found their way to his hair and entwined in the unruly locks, burying deeply into them. 

He stopped sucking your shoulder and rested his forehead against it instead. 

A wave of emotions washed over him as if out of nowhere. He snaked his arms around your body and held you as he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes. 

This was how it was supposed to feel. This was what was missing in his marriage. 

He felt as though in you, he’d found the other half of himself. He’d found what he’d been searching for all these years, what he’d never found in Maeve. 

You were hope. You were a freedom he’d never felt before. You were the air his lungs had been gasping for his entire life. 

He was inconceivably and deliriously in love with you. And that both elated him and terrified him at the same time. 

But he knew now, as he held you, whilst he was buried deep inside of you that you were the one his heart beat for.