Work Text:
Attempt One:
Today was the day. Today was the day he would finally tell Thoma.
Ayato smiled faintly and fell back onto his bed. He’d spent countless hours awake at night, thinking about him. About how he would tell him, how he would respond. He’d imagined every scenario, from reciprocation to revulsion. He’d fantasized about Thoma in his arms, Thoma swearing that he loved him, over and over. He’d had dreams of kissing Thoma, and nightmares of losing him.
Ayato had spent so long carefully concealing this silly crush from his sister, the rest of the commissions, and of course, Thoma himself. All for the Traveler to come along and play him like a violin.
They’d sprung the question on him a couple of days ago while he was off his guard; the two of them had gone out for boba at Ayato’s suggestion. After all, the Traveler said they wanted to take a break from their quest for a bit. Maybe until the Sakokou degree was lifted. And then, they asked him how long he’d been dating Thoma.
Naturally, he spit out his tea. After taking a moment to compose himself, he shook his head hurriedly.
“Oh, no. No, Traveler, I’m afraid you’re far from the truth. Thoma and I.. we aren’t.. we’re just friends.”
“Really?” They said, head cocked, “But I’ve seen the way you look at him. The way you laugh, even when the joke he told.. wasn’t really funny. How you tease him- flirt with him, even!” He winced and looked away.
“I don’t- it’s not.. reciprocated.. and I daren’t force him into anything. I know Thoma better than anyone.. if I- if I ever said something, the last thing I’d want is for him to feel forced into reciprocation. A-And, the public, the other Commissioners- the rumor mills, the headlines- They would treat him even worse than they do now, and I couldn’t- I couldn’t forgive myself if I was the cause of that-”
“-Ayato,” the Traveler had cut him off sharply, “Stop. You’re overthinking again.” They’d placed their hands on his arms, turning him towards them. He recalled the surprising firmness in their eyes.
“You can’t subject yourself to this. You and Thoma.. I can see that you care about each other a lot, and that’s exactly why you can’t beat yourself up about it. Y’know,” they paused awkwardly, looking over their shoulder as if expecting to find someone behind them, “you don’t feel this strongly about people for no reason. You’re clearly really scared of hurting him, but you’ll only hurt yourself if you don’t even try. Obsessing like this is the worst thing you can do. As long as you still have an opportunity, you should take it.”
After that, the mood had dropped for the rest of their time together. Ayato had tried to bring back earlier’s joy, but the Traveller seemed too lost in somber thought to really reply, and eventually, they just excused themself.
Of course, he’d replayed the conversation ten times over. He knew now that the situation was probably a little too close to the Traveler and their twin’s- and problems such as his certainly seemed silly when compared to the things they’d done just to be reunited with their sibling.
Ayaka had given him a funny look when he next saw her- like he’d kicked a puppy.
But, after that, he resolved that the Traveler was right. A self-made problem needed a self-made solution. And what better solution than to just tell him? But self-made didn’t mean unprompted. No, Ayato had waited. He’d waited, and then the Shogun’s birthday ball had rolled around, and he’d been given his opportunity. A knock came at the door.
“My Lord?” No better time than the present, he supposed.
“Come in, Thoma.” He couldn’t help but smile as the golden-blonde peeked through the door, a quiet yet bright smile blooming on his face.
“I wanted to talk to you about the ball, if you’re, uh, free.”
“Oh, you have excellent timing. Come sit, I wanted to talk to you.” He patted the bed next to him. Thoma uncertainly made his way over, before slowly sitting down a couple feet further than Ayato had gestured. Ayato cringed at his obvious discomfort.
“So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about, My Lord?”
“Please, call me Ayato. It’s just the two of us.”
“..Okay.”
“I.. I want you to be my date. To the ball.” Thoma’s smile fell into a sort of.. awkward grimace. Ayato wanted to kick himself.
“My deepest apologies, My Lord-”
“-Ayato-” he corrected, bitterly.
“-Lord Ayato. Lady Ayaka already asked me. Really, I’d be honored, but I don’t want her to be lonely. The Traveler won’t be in attendance, and Yoimiya is on the job.” He really did seem sorry, anyway; he refused to make eye-contact, and an embarrassed blush rose on his cheeks.
“Oh, don’t worry. A noble cause, truly. Thank you, Thoma, for keeping my sister company. Now then, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” Thoma stood and took a couple steps away, the guilt fading from his smile as started chatting amicably about some idea he’d had for decor. Ayato was sure it was brilliant.
“So? What do you think?” Ayato looked up with a forced smile.
“It’s brilliant, Thoma,” he said, flatly, “You should run it by Ayaka, make sure you can get everything you need in time.” Thoma beamed at his praise. Ayato wanted to cry.
“Of course, right away Lord Ayato.” He winced, and nodded. Thoma left, the door shutting quietly behind him. He gave it a couple seconds, just to make sure he was out of earshot- of course, he added time when he heard a quiet “Yes!”-and then he flopped facedown onto the bed with a groan. What a mess. He wasn’t sure that could’ve possibly gone worse.
Of course it could’ve, his brain unhelpfully supplied, he could’ve laughed in your face, he could’ve quit on the spot. He could’ve turned you down. Oh, wait. He did. Ayato let out another, louder sigh.
So what now? He wouldn’t bring another partner to the dance, it would feel too much like a betrayal of Thoma- not that he could anyway, since romance was the first thought when Inazuma heard ‘partner’. Even Ayaka would not be excused, even though she was already courting Yoimiya. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Note to self: have any publishers that so much as attempt to paint his sister and housekeeper in a romantic light shut down. Immediately.
*~ * ~*
Attempt Two:
Okay, so maybe last week wasn’t really the best timing. But! This time, Ayato had ensured everything would go to plan. The Traveler was out third wheeling Ayaka and Yoimiya at some food stand, and Thoma had just finished his housekeeping chores for the day.
..Okay, so he hadn’t done the dishes or dusted the library yet, but Ayato was the Lord Commissioner. So Thoma was done if he said he was done. Anyway. It was the perfect time to strike.
“Thoma,” he called, hearing a light tap of footsteps outside his room, “Could you come here for a second?” There was a long pause. A slight shuffling of feet. And then the door opened, slowly, and Thoma stepped in.
“You never fail to surprise me, My Lord,” Thoma said with a small chuckle, “How do you do that?” Of course, Ayato couldn’t tell him that he had memorized his footstep pattern. That would be creepy. It is considered creepy to memorize someone’s footstep pattern, right?
“Are you some kind of detective..? Because you.. you’ve got me all figured out…” Ayato stared, confused. Thoma blushed awkwardly.
“…Never mind.” Ayato was quick to change the subject.
“Ah, Thoma. Don’t you know a magician never reveals his secrets?” Thoma laughed again, a warm, melodic sound. Thank goodness. Ayato tried to tamp down his rising blush; this man would be the end of him.
“Always so secretive, heh heh!” Thoma plopped down on his bed across the room, smiling cheerily.
“So.. what was it that you wanted, again?” Ayato stood from his desk. Okay, deep breaths, Ayato. You got this.
“I- uhm,” Thoma stared at him intently. Shit. “I.. I wanted to ask if you would help me with some paperwork.” Dammit. Internally, he groaned. Help me with some paperwork?? Really, Ayato?
“Oh. But My Lord, I’m not exactly finished with my duties yet, and-”
“That’s quite alright. We have other housekeepers, you know.” Well, he had to stick with it now. Now that he’d committed; it would be weirder to back out.
“Are you sure? I mean no offense, but I doubt I could be of any help with… this.” Thoma gestured to the piles and piles of work left on his desk.
“Then again..” he said, beginning to shift through stacks of paper.
“It looks like you need the help.” Thoma turned back to him, a folder overflowing with paper in his hands. On the front, in big block letters read: URGENT! Potential Candidates! Ayato’s blood turned to ice. Never mind. Anything Thoma would think about him suddenly changing his mind couldn’t possibly be worse than this. Nothing could be worse than this.
“I know, Thoma. But you know, I’m sure I am more than capable of handling the paperwork on my own,” Ayato said, doing his best to conceal his growing panic, “It was a bad idea anyway. Just- take the rest of the day off. Go to a festival, or something.”
“Don’t be silly, there aren’t even any festivals going on right now. I may not be of much help, but I’m happy to keep you company! Not sure what “Candidates” means though..” Thoma frowned and sat back on Ayato’s bed, and began rifling through the papers. Shoot. Ayato resigned himself to his fate with a sigh.
“What even are these, My Lord? Lady Chisato is in here, and so is Divine Priestess Sangonomiya Kokomi. Kujou Sara, General Gorou.. “The Uncrowned King of Mondstadt..” Diluc Ragnvinder?!”
“They are, ah.. union candidates, one might say.”
“..Union? What type? Are we at odds with the Tenryou Commission? Or Mondstadt?”
“No, no.. nothing like that. Unions of a.. marital type.” Thoma paused.
“Oh, hah.. that does make a lot more sense..”
“It’s fine, Thoma. It really isn’t too late to leave now, you know.”
“Oh, well, now that we’re here, I won’t back out on you now. I’m sure it can’t be that bad.” How could his plan have gone this poorly? He went from confessing his love to.. discussing marriage candidates with his love. But nevertheless, he settled into an armchair across the room and listened as Thoma started listing off files.
*~ * ~*
Several hours later, Thoma lay with his head and arms off the bed, reading off information upside-down, while Ayato had splayed out onto the floor, in a very un-lordlike fashion.
“There’s Madame Yuri-”
“Thoma, that’s the fourth “Madame Yuri” in that folder, not to mention the seventh “Yuri” in total!”
“I know, my Lord,” Thoma sighed, “But at least we’re almost through. I assume your comment means you’re not interested?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then the last one is Scholar Andrius, hailing from Mondstadt.” When Ayato didn’t immediately cut him off, Thoma cleared his throat and continued.
“Oh. He’s actually currently staying in Inazuma. Something about studying for a research paper to try and get in to Sumeru’s academy?”
“I don’t know why he’s even on the list then. Archons know a scholar with such lofty aspirations would never settle down, trophy husband or not.” Thoma flushed and sighed dramatically.
“Y’know, Ayato, they must be getting desperate. You’re smart and attractive, but like you pointed out-”
“Wait, hold on, go back.”
“What? Did I say something?” Ayato sat up and looked him dead in the eyes, one eyebrow raised. Slowly, realization dawned on Thoma’s face. He started panicking.
“Wait- no! I mean, yes, I meant it, but not like that-” he half coughed half chuckled awkwardly, before continuing. Ayato was struggling to focus on Thoma’s words and not the fact he’d just accidentally called him hot.
“But yeah. It’s like what you were saying. Half of these people wouldn’t accept a marriage offer, even if you did pick them. I mean, the Divine Priestess of Watatsumi Island? I’m pretty sure she’s leading the Resistance. On the opposite side of the war.” At least now, he’d calmed down enough to provide a half-decent response.
“At first, all the people in the files came from Inazuma. They had all expressed an interest- or even a formal offer- in marriage. They were all of noble family- or, at least, had some sort of beneficial connections. If I don’t marry for love, I might as well marry someone who’s best for my clan and the Yashiro Commission.” Thoma’s brow furrowed.
“I guess I never really thought about that. Finding love in a partner that also benefits the people you serve must not be that common, huh.” Ayato shook his head softly.
“I always wanted to marry for love, you know. My parents were an arranged marriage, but they ended up falling in love anyway. I never- I mean, when they.. died.. I was kind of thrown into the whole Commissioner thing head-first. I never really got the chance to date, or fall in love..” Not that he could say that anymore, he realized. And now, here he was, talking about marriage with the one who’d changed it all.
“And after a few tries, they just started throwing anyone single in the files. Hoping I’d finally settle for someone I just didn’t love.” But it was already too late.
“By then, I just stopped reading through them. I just stamped the whole folder with “denied,” and went about my business. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t even have opened that one if you weren’t here.”
“What? But that’s hardly fair to the people in the folders-”
“-Half of whom wouldn’t marry me even if I got down on both knees and begged!” They fell silent for a while until Ayato sat up to face Thoma. Well, this situation wasn’t how he imagined.. but.. Thoma did say he was smart and attractive. So he started again, softly.
“I don’t- I don’t like any of these people, Thoma. And I don’t think I ever will. Because- because I already like someone else.” At this, Thoma flipped over back onto his stomach excitedly, and sat up as well.
“Oh, really? You can tell me anything, you know. Who is it? Itto? Miko? Oh… is it the Traveler~?” As Ayato sat there, dumbstruck, Thoma gasped.
“Oh! Is that why Ayaka told me you were being dumb about your crush? And right after they left, too.. it makes so much sense!” Ayato massaged his temples. Is this what Ayaka felt when she was trying to confess to Yoimiya? Surely not; there was no way Yoimiya was this dense. He was going to need something stronger than tea if he was going to get through the night.
*~ * ~*
Attempt Three:
Third time’s a charm? At least, Ayato hoped so, or else he might never get his feelings across. But, if he’d learned anything as Lord Commissioner, it was to never make the same mistake twice. If he wanted to shoot his shot, he’d have to be blunt. Very blunt. So he’d made a game plan.
He’d gone ahead and finished Ayaka’s work for the day, so she could take a day off and hang out with ‘Miya or the Traveler. The bulk of his own work, he’d already done or canceled, and the rest of it he’d hidden out of sight, so Thoma couldn’t latch onto it. And he’d stopped himself from chickening out too, because he’d told Miko beforehand that he was going to ask Thoma out today, and no one wants to see Guji Yae angry. So now, all he had to do was find Thoma and-
“My Lord!” Or wait for Thoma to find him. Ayato stood, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach, and made his way over to his housekeeper. He put his hands on Thoma’s shoulders. The other didn’t even seem to notice.
“Ayato, there’s been an emergency, the-”
“Thoma.”
“The press is- and the Publishing House-”
“Thoma.”
“If you’re going to tell me to calm down-”
“Thoma! Be my boyfriend.” At first, Thoma looked confused. Then, his face lit up.
“That’s it! Ayato, you’re a genius! It’s so perfect I could kiss you! Well, I guess that’s the point, ha ha. This is perfect, this is- oh, Yae Publishing will love it!” Ayato’s face, which had grown a smile to rival Thoma’s, fell rather fast.
“…What? What do you mean?”
“Oh I should’ve known you’d already have a plan! The Yae Publishing House was going to release their new light novel- you know, the one based off of true stories of the Inazuman people? But at the last minute, one of their authors pulled out, and now they have nothing to show off at the new festival like they promised! Guji Yae was terrified that the press would tear them apart for it- well, really, her subordinates were terrified of her if the press tore them apart for it. So I agreed to help them find a new story, and, well, here we are!”
“Thoma, I’m not sure-”
“Oh, don’t worry, they won’t use names or anything. But you know how the people of Inazuma love a good.. forbidden romance!” Forbidden romance. Forbidden romance?!
“Of course… forbidden romance..” he replied dazedly. Honestly, he was probably in shock.
“Thanks again, My Lord. You really saved me this time. I don’t blame those publishers.. Yae Miko is scary.” Ayato nodded faintly, and Thoma took off down the hall again.
*~ * ~*
“What?!” Ayato cringed away. Thoma was right; Miko was scary.
“What do you mean “He doesn’t know”? You promised you’d tell him today!”
“I did tell him!” Yae Miko rolled her eyes at him, and he shrunk even further back into his chair.
“Ayato, what good is a Lord that doesn’t keep his promises?”
“No! I was very blunt!”
“Alright then, what- exactly- did you say?” Her voice was thick with exasperation, but Ayato was getting exasperated too. He threw his hands out, like, “What do you want from me?!” Miko harrumphed.
“Thoma, be my boyfriend.” It was silent for a second.
“…And he misread that?”
“It’s your fault!”
“How could this possibly be my fault?” And now they were back to being exasperated.
“He thought I was giving an idea for “Ten Tall Tales: True Stories of the Inazuman People”!” Miko sighed, scooting even further on the edge of her seat to swivel towards him.
“..Commissioner, are you sure this one is the one you want? I’m sure there are plenty of more subtle, nuanced fish in the sea. ..He seems more like a rock than a fish anyhow.”
“Oh, trust me, I’ve looked.” The kitsune flopped exaggeratedly back onto the bench with a sigh that could rival one of her light novels in drama.
“I know. It just seems like such a waste, a man as sharp-witted as yourself with someone who can’t even understand such a brutish simplification as “Be my boyfriend.” Rest assured, Lord Mayato in Ten Tall Tales isn’t so unsophisticated with his proposal to Thomas.”
“..Miko, please tell me those aren’t the names you are using in the light novel. Also- when did we go from “boyfriend” to “proposal”?! I thought these were supposed to be based off of true stories.”
“Eh. Loosely.” Now it was Ayato’s turn to sigh.
“What? It’s very romantic, really. His parents are yelling at him to find a bride and produce an heir, and Thomas comes in with the food. That’s when Mayato turns and kisses him, and announces their undying love for all the world to hear! Hmm, maybe you could take a page out of his book.”
“I just- I feel like I’ve tried everything! Miko, I said “be my boyfriend” and he said “the public loves a forbidden romance”! What if we just.. aren’t meant to be together?” Miko scoffed, putting her hands on his shoulders and shaking him violently. Ayato scowled.
“Shogun’s sake, pull yourself together! You’re moping again. You know how I detest your moping.”
“Well what would you suggest then, miss love expert? Archons know you’re just as hopeless as I am when it comes to Ei.” She clapped a hand over his mouth, smiling and shaking her head frantically at a passing shrine maiden.
“Shut up, pretty boy.” she said through gritted teeth. When the maiden passed, she let him breathe again, wiping her off her hand with a look of disgust before she continued.
“What I’d suggest is you take him out on a boat, or something. One of those rent-a-carriage things.” She flapped her hand dismissively.
“You get the idea. Somewhere public, with a private space where no one can listen in. But not something suggestive. No onsens for you just yet- at least, not the nude ones~” He shoved her in the shoulder playfully, and she just laughed and flicked his forehead.
“Then, right when the fireworks explode-”
“Fireworks?”
“Yes, fireworks. Anyway, right when the fireworks explode, you pull him in, whisper your confessions of undying love into his ear, and then kiss him passionately, but gently. And then you and loverboy live happily ever after. You’re welcome.” Ayato flushed crimson.
“Yeah, yeah.. For the record, I still think the fireworks are overkill.” But he was smiling, and so was she, and maybe, just maybe, he thought, he could try again.
*~ * ~*
Attempt Four:
Maybe it was time for a different strategy. He needed to wait until nothing- absolutely nothing- was going on. Maybe during a festival, right in the middle when they needed no help setting up or cleaning up. Otherwise, there would be some emergency or other that would interrupt them.
..Come to think of it, the emergencies of late had only ever seemed to interrupt the two of them.
Regardless, Ayato had resolved to try only once more. No one could possibly be so dense as to misunderstand four increasingly blunt attempts at courtship, so if he was turned down once more, odds were against not Thoma’s understanding, but his reciprocation. If he was turned down again..
So. He would take Thoma to the festival. They would slack off, banter. And then, he would pull Thoma aside and tell him. Ayato would tell him everything.
He would tell him how he was Ayato’s sun, his personal light. How Ayato’s world revolved around him. He would tell him that he admired the way he smiled. How he dressed. His loyalty, his devotion. The way he could coax anyone out of their shell, from a wary businessman to the shyest of strays. The way he was so unabashedly himself. He would tell him how he loved him.
Ayato threw himself into festival planning with a new gusto.
*~ * ~*
He knocked. He waited. The door opened, slowly. A very bleary-eyed Thoma stared back at him.
“Ayat- My Lord. What,” Thoma paused to yawn, “-are you doing here this early? The servants quarters are halfway across the Estate, and the sun’s yet to touch the horizon.”
“Oh, no, I suppose it hasn’t.” Ayato paused to consider this. Thoma stared at him, in his pristine white day-wear, and he stared back at Thoma with his bed head and pajamas. The other flushed and looked away while he tried to fix his hair. Ayato cleared his throat and continued.
“Well, I didn’t want to wait any longer. As I’m sure you’re aware, the “Aveu d’Amour” Festival- you know, the one from Fontaine?- is in full swing this week. And considering how hard you’ve been working this week, I thought, perhaps, you could use a break.”
“My Lord, it can’t be past five-thirty. The festival grounds won’t open until half-past ten, at least.”
“All the more time to get ready then.” Ayato smirked, giving Thoma a quick pat on the shoulder before turning to leave.
“Wait, I have work to get done! I can’t just go to a festival on a whim-”
“Yes you can!” Ayato shouted over his shoulder, already halfway across the courtyard.
“But-”
“No buts!” By the time Ayato had vanished around the corner, several other servants had popped their heads out of their doors, grumbling about being woken at such an hour. Thoma sighed- half in disbelief, and half in resignation. He turned around and headed back inside to get ready.
*~ * ~*
The festival was in full swing, and it was beautiful. The trees were vibrant and in full leaf, painting the courtyard, streets, and skies in scarlet, lavender, and golden foliage. Swaying lanterns were strung between roofs and branches; they were dim right now, but come nightfall, they would fill the streets with rippling sparks and shadows. He’d even heard there would be fireworks. The day was perfect too, a faint breeze blowing through Ayato’s neatly-styled hair while the sun shone brilliant down on the festivities below.
He had spent too long, perhaps, on primping and preening- but such things were relative, Ayaka and Yae Miko assured him, as they gently combed through his hair. Though, in the end, Ayato had looked in the mirror and found the same style he wore every day. When he voiced such thoughts- much to the girls’ chagrin- they insisted it was, in fact, better. And, well, Ayato knew better than to try to argue with Miko once she’d made up her mind. Which was also how he’d ended up with Ayaka’s sakura lip gloss on.
However, he was quite fond of the kimono they’d decided on- though, not without debate. Honestly, if he’d known the girls would have taken so long to decide, he might’ve just dressed himself.
“You want to wear that to the festival? Please tell me you’re joking.” Yae Miko shot him a disapproving look. She’d walked through the doorway barely 30 seconds earlier, and she’d already vetoed his outfit of choice. He’d sent a panicked note to her 5 minutes prior, begging for her help and superior fashion advice.
“Archon’s no, darling. This is the piece dé resistance, Commissioner, this is your big moment. I’ve seen dead squirrels with better taste.”
“I didn’t think it was that bad.”
“Oh, and he’s blind too. Wonderful. Have you shown your sister this..” she frowned and flicked her hand at him, “..monstrosity?” He shook his head, some mixture of embarrassment and amusement flushing his face.
“Hmm. Well, maybe she can help. I hope at least one of the Kamisato siblings isn’t hopeless when it comes to fashion.”
So they’d called Ayaka in.
“Oh, goodness Ayato. Please tell me that’s not what you’re wearing.”
“That’s what I said!”
“Oh come on, it really isn’t that bad.”
“It really is,” said both girls in unison. They beamed at each other.
“Come on, Ayato, you have to have something better in that giant closet of yours,” Ayaka said, pushing past him and into his closet.
“I think his best colors are navy, white, and gold if you can find any,” Yae yelled from where she’d settled in on his bed. Ayaka came back with a number of kimonos over her arm.
“First of all, change out of that terrible pantsuit thing you have on.” Miko nodded her approval.
“What? I thought it would be nice to change it up a little bit. It’s a new festival from a foreign country.”
“Exactly why you want to contrast it. We want to blend this festival into Inazuman culture, and make people feel comfortable. You want to go classic Inazuman, traditional,” Yae Miko chimed in, and Ayaka nodded. She tossed the kimonos at him unceremoniously and made her way to the bed next to Miko. Ayato sighed in resignation and made for the closet to change.
He tried on several kimonos- most in the colors Yae Miko recommended- but a couple of other jewel tones, and even one bright red one, which both girls immediately turned down. On the second to last one in the pile, he was starting to get a little exasperated.
“It would be so much easier if we knew what Thoma was wearing.” Ayato shot Yae Miko a ‘shut up’ glare, and she stared back innocently.
“Yeah,” Ayaka agreed, “it would be ideal if you two matched, since you’re going to ask him out tonight.” Ayato’s heart stopped as his head swung over towards her. Yae Miko shot him a sly grin.
“Oh, don’t act so shocked,” Ayaka giggled, “It’s not hard to tell. Plus, you know how close Traveller and I are. I was half the reason they even figured it out in the first place.” While Ayato was opening and closing his mouth like a dying fish, Miko started laughing.
“Hmm, I actually like this one. Guji Yae?”
“You know, Lady Ayaka, it’s not half-bad.” Ayato, who was just barely recovering from the shock, turned to the mirror.
This floor-length kimono was a white that faded to a dark navy at the bottom. Semi-transparent petals cut from some ice-blue fabric were sewn into the bottom of the robe and the sleeves, creeping up in gentle spirals with tiny embroidered golden flowers filling the gaps between them. The sash around the waist was deep navy too, but the golden swirls on the fabric shifted color in the light. Even he had to admit, it was quite flattering.
“Lord Kamisato?” Ayato turned to face the newcomer. Thoma had arrived.
“Wow, you.. you look really great.. Oh, and I’m so sorry I’m late, I got caught up in my knitting. There’s this new stray that’s joined the group I usually feed, and what with the temperature swings we’ve been having recently, I figured it would be better to start this one’s sweater early.” Thoma was late because he was knitting a sweater.. for a cat. Ayato was going to melt.
“I’m sorry I didn’t dress up either- if I had known you were going all out like this, I would’ve at least changed- Lord Kamisato?”
“Thoma, please. Just call me Ayato. It’s a festival, we’re meant to be having fun.”
“But we’re in public-” Ayato cut him off sharply.
“Thoma. I didn’t ask you here as a Lord and his housekeeper, I asked you here as family. You don’t hear Miko, Yoimiya, or Ayaka calling me “Lord,” do you?” Thoma shook his head, abashedly.
“You’ve been my best friend for years,” and soon- hopefully- more, “and I consider us closer than brothers. To me, that’s more than enough reason for you to drop the titles. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay..?”
“Okay… Ayato.” And Ayato did something quite uncharacteristic. He broke into a huge grin and stuck his hand out.
“Let’s start over then. I’m Ayato. Just Ayato” Thoma grinned shyly, and placed his hand in Ayato’s, shaking it gently.
“Well hello then, Just Ayato. I’m Thoma.” The handshake ended, and Thoma didn’t pull away. Neither did Ayato. They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Ayato coughed and moved, turning back to the view.
“We should, uhm- we should head down. I mean, if you want to get food, or something.” Thoma laughed softly, moving to stand next to him
“Yeah.” So they turned. Thoma took his hand again and pulled him down the path. Ayato smiled.
*~ * ~*
The two men laughed as they walked side by side, their swinging hands occasionally brushing. In the other hand, they both held a skewer of monstrous culinary combination. Ayato’s bore raw lavender melon and sea ganoderma, and Thoma’s had some mystery meat that he would occasionally glance at with complete disgust.
It had gotten dark long ago, and despite it still being early fall, the air had garnered and unusual chill. Perhaps Thoma was right to start knitting. They rounded a corner, leaving the last few street vendors and chattering passerby for gently moonlit streets and quite solitude. Ayato found himself on a bridge overlooking the sea. The moon reflected across the quiet rippling waves, and he sighed contentedly.
“Thoma?” Said man turned to look at him, curious. His eyes shone. The little voice in the back of his head- the one that sounded awfully like Yae Miko- told him this was it. This was the time. So he took a deep breath and continued.
“Thoma, I-” and at that exact moment, a firework exploded overhead. Frantically, he turned back to Thoma, desperate not to lose this moment-
“-Thoma, I love you!” But it was too late. His words were drowned out as more fireworks went off above them, painting the night sky in all the colors of the rainbow. Ayato had never hated Yoimiya’s job more. Thoma, on the other hand, was staring wide-eyed at the sky as if it was his first time seeing. His pure joy and wonder prompted a soft smile out of Ayato nonetheless.
After a short while, the fireworks died down. And, though they had in fact ruined the mood instead of made it- and gods, would Miko never hear the end of this- he found he still had the resolve. He was still ready. So when Thoma turned and asked him-
“So, what was it you were going to say, Ayato?” -he inhaled and blurted it out.
“Thoma, I love you.”
Everything was silent. The world stood still. And then Thoma smiled.
“Yeah! I love you too, Ayato. It’s like you said- you’re like a brother to me.” His whole world shattered. Ayato had, of course, considered this, but in the same way one might consider their own funeral. Detached and clinical. He’d gone over every possibility, so how had he never anticipated it would hurt this much?
He’d been rejected before- by Thoma, even- some might say three times prior to this! Why was this one different?
“Ayato? Are you alright?” He snapped back to the present. Thoma’s doe eyes stared down at him, big and shining with concern. Ayato found himself dangerously close to crying. He didn’t dare.
“Of- Of course. I think I just- if you would excuse me, for a minute, I need to find a restroom.” And before Thoma could say anything else. he turned on his heel and speed-walked away.
As soon as he rounded a corner, Ayato broke into a run. He sprinted past a couple of confused vendors, not even sure where he was going. All he knew was he needed to get away.
Eventually, he tripped down one of the thin alleys. He fell to the ground, catching a glimpse of his surroundings as he went. A dead end. Brilliant. Ayato didn't have the strength to keep going anyways.
He pushed himself to a sitting position, curling in on himself and hugging his legs to his chest. He was cold, alone, dirty, and now he actually needed to pee. Fantastic. And so the tears flowed.
Ayato sobbed softly- the last time he could remember properly crying was most likely the death of his parents. That week he’d spent locked in his room, crying on the floor, on the bed, in front of the mirror. Of course, he’d teared up at other occasions; like when Ayaka had come out to him and introduced Yoimiya, or the time his whole family had cooked him a three-course meal for his 18th birthday. But such a blatant display of vulnerability wasn’t something he allowed often.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, head cradled in his arms, knees pressed close to his chest. But he did jump at the sound of hurried footsteps turning gentle as someone turned down his alleyway. It was probably the Shumatsuban, he assured himself. Ayaka and Miko were both busy tonight, and Thoma… Thoma wouldn’t follow him.
“Ayato?” Came a soft voice. Or maybe he would.
Ayato refused to raise his head- even at his lowest, he’d never let anyone see him. To share his weaknesses with anyone- it would be detrimental to them and himself. To those who depended on him, he needed to appear perfect, immovable. To those who opposed him, any sign of weakness would be a chance to strike. He didn’t know where he and Thoma stood now- though it didn’t matter regardless. The outcome was the same.
“Oh, thank archons, I was so worried after you ran off. I waited a while, but you didn’t come back, and I was scared something had happened to you, and- Ayato?” There was a pause where, (Ayato still couldn’t see,) he imagined Thoma’s relief morphing to confusion.. and then to concern. He felt Thoma slide down the wall to sit next to him. He pressed his knee into Ayato’s gently, and Ayato shivered away.
“I guess something did happen to you..” They sat there for a couple of minutes in silence. Finally, when Ayato was certain all of his tears were dry, he raised his head. Thoma startled.
“Hey. You wanna talk about it? You know you can tell me anything.” Ayato chuckled bitterly. Sure he could- like the four times he’d already tried. Well, he guessed he could specify exactly what type of love had led him to this grimy alley. Not that he had much else to lose- well, excluding Thoma’s companionship. Then again, it’d be a lot easier to get over Thoma if Thoma hated him. So, bitterly, he resolved to do what he had promised he would do.
Attempt Five?
“No, really,” Thoma said, “I’m here for a reason, right?”
“Alright, fine. When I said I loved you, I didn’t mean as a friend or a brother or a light novel plot. I meant I am in love with you, Thoma. I meant I’ve loved you for years, ever since I can remember. But the first time I can remember acknowledging it was right after you got your vision; right after you chose to stick around. Heh. Guess I’ve messed that up too. The first person to know was the Traveller. They guessed- with the help of Ayaka. After that I told Yae Miko. Unless Ayaka’s told Yoimiya, no one else knows. This doesn’t have to hit the press. And I completely understand if you want to quit now. Hell- I’d understand if you never want to see me again-”
“Ayato.”
“What?” He snapped, perhaps a little harder than necessary.
“Is that all?” …what?
“What?”
“Is that it? Is that all that’s gotten you upset?”
“Thoma, I don’t appreciate being mocked.’’
“No, of course not, I’m just- I’m relieved.”
“What!?”
“No! I mean, I’m not relieved that you’re upset- just that this is all it is. I can easily fix this.”
“Wha-” And then Thoma grabbed Ayato’s hands and pulled him up, before shifting one hand down to his waist. Ayato was reminded of the few inches Thoma had on him as he looked up at him. His stupid, dumb, stupid heart fluttered.
“You really don’t think sometimes, Ayato. Did you really think so little of me as to think I was that dense? I’ve known all that Ayato. I’ve known for a while now.” His smile was somehow gentle without being patronizing.
“Then why-”
“Why would I say I loved you like a brother?” In his defense, Thoma did look sad as he continued.
“I needed to make sure. You’re still my Lord, Ayato, and I don’t think you’re as aware of that as the rest of us are. What you do holds power. No matter who you chose- not to mention the fact that it would be a man- and one in service to you, at that- you would be ridiculed. No matter who you picked eventually, they would never be good enough for the Inazuman public to be content. You will be laughed at, made fun of, and picked apart. Attempts to overthrow you- and even attempts on your life- will become daily occurrences. Everyone will be mad they weren’t picked. Everyone will become an enemy.” Ayato was speechless.
“Ayato, I love you too much to let you wander into something like that, letting your heart ignore your head because of a crush.”
“You- you what?”
“I love you, Ayato. And I want to be sure you know what you’re doing before we go any further.”
“Thoma, I-”
“No. Don’t answer me now. I know how you are, Ayato, you’ll say yes and run yourself to ruin. Think about it for once. Take a few days. Sleep on it.” And then Thoma’s hand dropped and he backed away. Ayato felt cold from loss of contact.
“For what it’s worth, Ayato, I had a wonderful time tonight. You know where to find me.” Thoma’s mouth was happy, but his eyes were miserable. He turned away, back into the streets, and then he was gone.
Ayato chuckled sadly. Sometimes he forgot that Thoma knew him too well for both of their goods. Wiping his eyes one last time, he waited for the sound of Thoma’s feet to fade before turning out of the alley and heading for the Estate. He needed to clean up; he had a lot of thinking to do.