Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alone at a bar in Zaun, Caitlyn nursed a gin and tonic. The ice had melted, and the liquid was becoming room temperature. She’d made one drink last over an hour. It was a useless talent: the ability to wait for someone she knew wasn’t coming.

Vi was a no show, once again. She refused to sign the divorce papers. Refused to even discuss the situation like adults. She was lashing out, angry and hurt. Still, Caitlyn had hoped to keep things civil, hence the drinks. Neutral location. Easy escape route. Cards on the table. It seemed like the perfect solution when she thought of it. But, of course, Vi disagreed.

They always disagreed.

Caitlyn stayed and waited, until the clock fixed to the wall above the bar crept towards ten. Two hours after they were supposed to meet, and still no Vi. Caitlyn was at her limit. She downed what remained of her drink, grimaced at the strength of it as it slid down her throat, and stepped away from the bar. That was that, then. Communication breakdown. Vi had made her point: she was beyond reasoning with.

The cool night air smacked at her cheeks as she left the bar. She looked up at the cloudy sky, reflecting the green of The Lanes’ neon lights, and let out a sigh of disappointment. Things could’ve been so different. Why was Vi like this? How had things turned so bitter between them?

An unmistakable cackle brought her gaze back to the street. Not now. Right in front of her, head tilted and grinning ear to ear, was the last person she expected to see.

‘Well, if it isn’t my soon-to-be ex-sister-in-law,’ Jinx drawled. ‘What’re you doing out so late? Isn’t it past your bedtime?’

Sister-in-law? Caitlyn saw red. Vi’s bond with her younger sister had strained to near breaking point over the years, with Jinx often blaming Caitlyn for the distance, and now that it was all over, they were suddenly sisters-in-law!? Gods, everything that girl said was pure venom, designed to hurt and sting and eat away at you.

‘You’re barely a sister to Vi, let alone anyone else,’ Caitlyn raged. ‘And yes, it is getting late. She’s stood me up. I’m going home.’

‘Ouch.’ Jinx pouted and wiped a pretend tear from her cheek. Sidled up to the entrance, closer to Caitlyn. ‘Well, don’t be boring, Kiramman. Have a drink with me instead.’

‘A what?’

‘No hard feelings, I swear,’ Jinx said, a shade more serious. ‘I’ll even pay.’

She’d pay? With what, Silco’s blood money?

Somehow Caitlyn couldn’t say that out loud. Jinx was being strange, almost pleasant. They had built their relationship on forced civility and underhand mockery. No favours, no kindness, nothing remotely friendly. Caitlyn couldn’t think of a time they’d spent one on one that didn’t end with them tearing chunks out of each other. So, why then? Vi was crashing at their friend Ekko’s place, heartbroken, yet there Jinx was, engaging with the woman responsible, offering an olive branch to someone she’d never even liked before. Where was her loyalty? It felt like a trick, but Jinx wasn’t usually one for mind games. The sisters’ mutual, brutal honesty was a trait Caitlyn had always admired.

Jinx opened the door, forcing Caitlyn to decide: walk away, or stay?

‘After you, sis,’ Jinx winked.

Caitlyn groaned and rolled her eyes at the blatant mockery but didn’t leave. Instead, she re-entered the bar with a swing in her step. Fine. If Vi wouldn’t speak to her directly, she could do it through her sister. Good enough.

She entered first, with Jinx close behind. Rather than slouch at the bar like before, she made a beeline for a table nearby and settled into one of the padded leather armchairs surrounding it.

As Jinx waited for service at the bar, Caitlyn watched her. Scanned her up and down, as though staring at her would somehow help explain what was happening. She wore her usual, grungy get-up, worlds away from Caitlyn’s smart casual blazer, blouse, and chinos. The alternative look suited her. She couldn’t imagine Jinx in any other style. It wasn’t Caitlyn’s taste, but it was Jinx all over, and she owned it. She always looked good; Caitlyn conceded to herself. Vi and Jinx had their looks in common, too.

‘Gin and tonic for the lady,’ Jinx said.

She handed Caitlyn her drink and plopped down in the chair opposite, careful not to spill any of the cocktail she’d gotten for herself. It was bright pink with tiny specks of glitter floating around inside. Classic Jinx.

Drinks with Jinx. Caitlyn was having drinks with Jinx… It felt like stepping into a parallel universe.

‘Thanks,’ Caitlyn said. ‘And what’s that abomination?’

‘Unicorn daiquiri,’ Jinx shrugged and took a sip. ‘Yum.’

‘Only you would order something so vile-sounding,’ Caitlyn jibed.

‘Okay,’ Jinx scoffed and put her drink down on the table. ‘I’m trying not to be a bitch here, Cait. Like, I’m actually trying to be nice, so…’

‘Oh.’ Taken aback, Caitlyn wasn’t sure what to say. She gulped down some of her drink and fidgeted with her necklace, as her cheeks grew hot with discomfort.

How was she supposed to talk to Jinx without ridiculing her? It was the only dynamic they’d ever shared. And how the hell was she supposed to know Jinx was trying to be nice!? As a matter of course, Jinx was not nice.

‘Y’know what, it’s fine,’ Jinx said. ‘I get it. You’re, uh… you’re going through a lot right now. I’m probably the last person you wanna be around.’

‘Pretty much.’ Caitlyn spoke from her gut without passing it through her brain first, but a pinch of compassion made her soften a little, and she recalibrated; if Jinx was trying, she could at least meet her halfway. ‘Although, in fairness, I can think of worse company.’

‘Jayce?’ Jinx’s joke made them both chuckle.

‘Ah, he means well,’ Caitlyn snickered. ‘Poor bastard.’

‘What about Vi…?’ Jinx bit her lip, as though she was nervous for the answer.

‘What about Vi?’ Caitlyn countered. Enraged. ‘She was supposed to meet me here tonight and stood me up. Did you know that?’

Jinx shook her head, but she didn’t look surprised. Caitlyn continued ranting, regardless.

‘We were meant to finally have a proper, adult conversation about everything but, of course, she’s not ready for any of that, is she? No. She’d rather bury her head in the sand and pretend none of this is happening.’

‘Well, she loves you, Cait,’ Jinx said, and shifted in her seat like her body rejected the words. ‘She’s probably gonna be like this a while; she’s stubborn like that.’

‘Yeah, don’t I know it,’ Caitlyn grumbled, fed up.

It was beyond belief that she was confiding in Jinx about all of this, so out of the blue, but what else could she have done? The pressure of it weighed on her, impacting her chest. She had to talk to someone other than Vi. Her father was too nice, her mother too judgemental, and Jayce was far too invested in his research to concern himself with trivial issues like, oh, say, human emotions.

Sitting there with Jinx, just the two of them, it occurred to her how few people she had in her life. She couldn’t think of a single other person who would’ve chosen to sit there with her like that, just talking, hanging out, letting her open up. Encouraging her, even. Jinx was always unpredictable, but this took the cake.

Caitlyn found herself smiling a sincere, heartfelt smile, and decided to embrace the unexpected change to her evening, and the unusual company.

‘I just want… need… to move on,’ she explained. ‘It’s been six months since I filed, Jinx. Six months I’ve waited for her to sign those bloody papers.’

‘Okay, and? You left her, Cait,’ Jinx stated, matter of fact. ‘She doesn’t owe you anything.’

‘Right. Except a little human decency, maybe.’

‘Well, people in pain don’t have a whole lot of room for decency.’ Jinx was more acquainted with pain than most. She and Vi weren’t too close those days, but it must’ve been hard seeing her sister like that. ‘Maybe you’d understand pain better if you’d ever really experienced any,’ she added, her tone a little too scathing for comfort.

What happened to trying to be nice?

‘Because ending my marriage of three years was so easy and pain-free for me?’ Caitlyn spat out without thinking.

‘Oh, please,’ Jinx sniped back. ‘Leaving Vi was a relief. Admit it.’

‘A relief?’ Caitlyn smarted. That one hurt. Too close to home. ‘What the hell is this, Jinx? I don’t get it. One minute, you want to get drinks, tell me you’re trying to be nice — whatever that means — and the next you’re laying into me, making me sound like some kind of heartless bitch. If you’re just here to argue, I’d rather go home.’

‘Sorry,’ Jinx held her hands up in mock surrender. ‘We’ll table it. Or eighty-six it. Whatever the phrase is. Let’s just… talk about something else.’

‘No,’ Caitlyn said plainly. ‘No. We’ve started now; might as well finish.’

Bracing herself, she took a gulp of the bitter gin and tonic, thought it wasn’t nearly strong enough. If she and Jinx were really having this conversation, she’d need at least five more. Maybe the whole bottle.

‘What makes you think I’m relieved?’ She dared to ask.

Jinx’s eyes flared a little, then narrowed with intrigue as she sat forward, arms resting on her lap, head tilted, holding Caitlyn’s glare. The smudged out black around her lids made her blue irises glisten even more than usual. Caitlyn grew hot under her restrictive suit jacket, as Jinx reached for her drink and took a sip of the sparkling liquid. Chewing pensively on the straw, Jinx refocused on Caitlyn.

For a long moment, they just sat and looked at each other, until Jinx broke the fixation with a snicker, a shake of her head, and another sip of her sickly-sweet cocktail.

‘That,’ Jinx said pointedly, still snickering, ‘that’s what.’

Caitlyn felt flustered, like Jinx had duped her, ‘…what?’

‘You never looked at Vi like that.’

Oh, gods. ‘Like what?’

‘Like you wanted to ruin her.’ The words rolled off Jinx’s tongue, silky smooth and self-assured.

Where the hell did that come from!?

Caitlyn spluttered, almost choked on her drink. Cleared her throat. Tried desperately to compose herself.

‘Excuse me?’

Jinx thought… Jinx actually thought that Caitlyn wanted to… Nope, she wasn’t recovering from that one anytime soon. She couldn’t decide if she felt offended or amused or called out. All of the above, probably.

‘Kidding!’ Jinx erupted in laughter and took another sip of her drink, as the colour returned to Caitlyn’s cheeks.

The audacity was unbelievable. Where the hell did Jinx get the nerve to make jokes like that? Did she realise there was truth to it? Fuck. More gin hit the back of Caitlyn’s throat, and she winced.

‘Okay, but seriously,’ Jinx levelled out, grin fading, ‘all I meant was you never really looked at Vi like you were interested in what she had to say.’

‘What?’ Whatever Caitlyn felt before, that remark had definitely offended her. ‘Of course, I was interested!’

‘Not that interested.’

‘Yes, I was!’ She prickled, conflicted at defending the quality of a connection she’d already said goodbye to.

‘Come on, Cait,’ Jinx drawled. ‘Why deny it? I’m not saying you weren’t in love with her, but you don’t exactly have much in common. The two of you were kind of an odd mix from the get-go. Brains and brawn, you know.’

‘Opposites attract,’ she said feebly.

‘Right,’ Jinx said, quirking a cynical brow. ‘Until they realise how badly matched they are and repel each other.’

‘I’m starting to think eighty-six-ing this wasn’t such a bad idea.’

‘Okay, we won’t talk about it,’ Jinx shrugged, as if to say she didn’t care either way.

Her nonchalance was infuriating. Worse still was the smirk that followed; she knew exactly how annoyed Caitlyn was becoming, and she revelled in it.

‘Good.’ Caitlyn forced a smile and took another sip.

She’d nearly finished her drink, but Jinx had most of her cocktail left. If she wanted to, she could’ve easily made her excuses to leave there and then. Time was ticking on, getting later and later, and if they weren’t talking about the Vi situation, what was the point in talking at all? Jinx’s veil of niceties was already wearing thin. Soon, it was bound to vanish completely, and they’d be stuck in a heated confrontation with only the bartender there to pull them apart.

If Caitlyn was honest with herself, fighting with Jinx didn’t sound too bad. She was so angry at Vi for not showing. So let down. Jinx was the perfect distraction. The pair of them could argue about anything. She polished off her gin and tonic, wracking her brains for a new topic. It needed to be less triggering than the impending divorce but still bound to cause friction.

‘So,’ Jinx began, beating Caitlyn to the punch. She leant further forwards and propped her chin up on her wrist, elbow balancing on her crossed knees, ‘if Vi’s off limits, what else is there to talk about?’

‘I was just wondering the same thing,’ Caitlyn replied. ‘Are you still seeing that guy?’ The name escaped her.

‘Who?’ Jinx smirked, winding Caitlyn up.

‘You know who. That guy with the hair. The one who wore a lot of eyeliner.’

‘Doesn’t narrow things down.’

‘Um… you work with him. Or used to? I don’t know.’

‘Ohhh. You mean Ran?’

‘If you say so.’

‘Yeah, we broke up, like… six months ago…?’

‘Oh.’

‘They’re also non-binary; not a guy,’ Jinx continued. ‘Ended up being a huge asshole like all the others.’

‘Right. Shit.’

‘Oh, and I quit that job ages ago, so…’

Once again, Jinx shrugged, acting like what she had just said didn’t matter, but it did. Breakups were difficult, and from what Caitlyn knew from Vi, Jinx had experienced far too many; what she went through mattered very much.

‘Wow,’ Caitlyn said, slightly in shock at how little she knew about Jinx’s life. ‘I’m sorry. I know almost nothing about you outside of Vi.’

‘Yup.’

‘Why’s Ran an arsehole then? What happened?’ Caitlyn asked out of genuine concern, but it probably seemed like she was just being nosy.

Jinx scoffed and slouched back into her chair. Glancing Caitlyn up and down in scrutiny, she bit her lip and chuckled.

‘What?’ Caitlyn demanded.

‘So, we can’t talk about your love life, but mine’s fair game?’ Jinx’s tone was teasing, but there was a warning in there somewhere, a threat behind her shimmering eyes. ‘How’s the job? Make any cool arrests lately?’

Okay, so, abrupt topic change. Caitlyn could work with that, she just had to sidestep the jab of irritation at Jinx’s choice of topic. If she wanted friction, her career choice would no doubt produce it, so there was that. Jinx knew from experience how discussions surrounding Caitlyn’s work inevitably ended badly. Maybe she was after the same thing Caitlyn was? A return to their default mode of mutual disdain. No more of that faux kindness Jinx had kicked things off with. Back to what they were both used to.

‘Why? Met any criminals lately? Other than yourself and almost everyone you associate with, of course.’ Caitlyn mocked, but a softer, almost flirtatious intonation replaced her usual edge.

That was new.

Jinx tongued her cheek and grinned, returning Caitlyn’s energy, before grimacing at her half-drunk unicorn daiquiri. ‘How about whoever invented this drink? Turns out you were right; it’s disgusting.’

Caitlyn’s head spun; she was right about something, and Jinx had freely admitted to it. This wasn’t their standard sparring. Not even close. And the energy between them… Had she misread Jinx’s intentions? What was going on?

‘Dare me to down it?’ Jinx asked.

‘…what?’

‘My drink, genius.’

Jinx giggled and stood, stretched her limbs, clicked her fingers, readying herself. And then, with a deep breath and a ‘here goes,’ she pinched her nose and drank down the rest of her foul drink in a string of hastened gulps. When it was all gone, she wiped the excess from her mouth with a triumphant grin, performed a theatrical bow for Caitlyn’s benefit, and finished with a shudder.

‘Bleugh!’ She exclaimed. ‘So, so gross!’

‘What an achievement,’ Caitlyn dryly replied, but she couldn’t deny that Jinx’s antics amused her. To her chagrin, Jinx’s company wasn’t so bad. It beat being alone with her thoughts, anyway. ‘My round, I suppose.’

‘Oh, you don’t have to keep humouring me, Cait,’ Jinx said.

It was a clear out for them to go their separate ways for the night, and probably for the rest of their lives. A short while ago, Caitlyn would’ve taken her up on it, and that would’ve been the end, but…

‘One more won’t hurt,’ Caitlyn smiled, and slung her handbag over her shoulder as she stood. ‘You need to get the taste of that shit out of your mouth.’

Before Jinx could protest, Caitlyn marched up to the bar and ordered them both a gin and tonic, but made Jinx’s the pink and fruity kind, something she’d like. As she paid, she looked over her shoulder and met Jinx’s gaze. Those penetrating eyes. It seemed the younger woman was watching her, just like Caitlyn had watched her earlier.

A jolt of excitement rippled through her before she could stop it. Fuck. No. She couldn’t let Jinx affect her like that. It was the gin, she told herself. She was tipsy and lonely, touch starved. This thing with Jinx was just drinks with someone who no longer held a place in her life. A meeting of opposing forces bound in different directions. A mutual way of saying goodbye. Nothing more.

‘Now,’ Caitlyn said, as she returned to the table and placed Jinx’s pink gin in front of her. ‘A proper drink.’

‘You really didn’t have to,’ Jinx said. She took a cautious sip, as though expecting to hate it, but the second she tasted it, her eyes lit up.

‘Good?’ Caitlyn asked. The answer was obvious from Jinx’s reaction alone, but she wanted verbal confirmation. Further acknowledgement that her instincts were right. Praise, maybe.

Chewing on her straw with a twinkling grin, Jinx looked Caitlyn up and down, lingering on her lips before flickering back to her eyes.

‘It’ll do,’ she said, playing coy. She seemed to know exactly what Caitlyn was angling for, but she wasn’t willing to give it easily. ‘So, what now?’ Her teasing tone continued, as she enjoyed more of her new drink. ‘We’ve never hung out this long without Vi or someone else interrupting.’

‘Mm,’ Caitlyn agreed. ‘To tear us apart before things turned ugly, usually.’

‘Pfft, how ugly could things have gotten, really? Who doesn’t like watching hot girls fight?’

Caitlyn twinged at the implication that Jinx found her hot. Chased the unwanted arousal down with more gin.

‘Vi, for one,’ she said, the bitterness of her drink still resting on her tongue. ‘She’d sooner knock us both out than watch us get physical like that.’

Get physical? Great choice of words, Caitlyn.

‘And look at us now,’ Jinx snickered. ‘She’d hate this even more. Her estranged little sister and almost ex-wife actually enjoying each other’s company… She wouldn’t know what to do with herself.’

It was a fair point. The scenario unfolding that night would perplex Vi beyond all reason. If they told her, she probably wouldn’t believe them, even though it was happening because of her. Her unreliability had thrust them together.

But, well, it wasn’t Vi that had kept them together. They’d made that decision for themselves. Like Jinx said, they were enjoying each other’s company. Who knew such a thing was even possible?

‘Actually, scratch that,’ Jinx said with a heavy sigh and a roll of her mesmerizing eyes, ‘I know exactly what she’d do.’

‘Oh, yeah? What’s that?’

‘She’d tell me to get the fuck away from her wife,’ Jinx said. ‘Naturally, I’d tell her to fuck off, and uh… well, I think we both know how that’d go, right?’

The words snaked under Caitlyn’s skin and lodged in her gut like sticky tar, too truthful to deny. She tried to digest them. Vi was always protective, jealous, defensive, especially when she didn’t need to be. In the end, it was partly why Caitlyn left. The redhead’s temper bested her time and time again, and Caitlyn had to pick up the pieces. They’d lost so many friendships and opportunities because Vi just couldn’t help herself. Her paranoia was too much. It made her say and do things she shouldn’t have, not caring who was there to bear witness. She even exploded around Caitlyn’s parents at the annual Progress Day Gala, humiliating everyone involved. The fact was, she needed help to cope with the trauma and bullshit of her childhood—therapy, medication, anything that might’ve brought her some peace of mind—but any time Caitlyn brought it up, it caused yet another argument.

It wasn’t hard to imagine Vi arriving at the bar, hours late and hateful, primed for a confrontation. If she saw Caitlyn and Jinx sat there, talking the way they were, gods knew what conclusions she’d spring to. She’d think they were having an affair, talking behind her back, mocking her. She’d probably do a lot worse than simply tell Jinx to leave. Jinx, her sister and only surviving family member, had been on the receiving end of Vi’s anger too many times to count.

The two were as troubled as each other, Caitlyn reminded herself. Jinx lashed out with her words, and Vi, her fists. Neither of them coped particularly well with life. Then again, neither did she, really. She was just better at pretending than they were.

‘I’m sorry,’ Caitlyn spoke into the silence that had fallen around them.

Jinx frowned, ‘for what?’

‘I just… I can’t imagine having a relationship like that with a family member,’ she admitted. ‘My parents can be a pain in the arse, but that hardly compares.’

‘Yeah, well, you’re an only child, Cait,’ Jinx said, blunt and straightforward as ever, but with a smile this time. ‘Sibling dynamics are fucking weird. Don’t worry about it.’

‘I grew up wishing I had siblings, you know. A house full of brothers and sisters, people to play with and talk to on my own level…’ Caitlyn wasn’t sure where the confession had come from, only that it was heartfelt, and it seemed like the natural thing to say. She went along with it, curious where the thought would lead her. ‘It probably sounds stupid to you, but I always felt like I was missing out on some magical part of life. D’you think… d’you think I’d be different if I wasn’t an only child? More sociable, maybe? More likeable?’

‘You are likeable, Cait,’ Jinx scoffed but kept her smile, softened her gaze, ‘honestly, I don’t think you’d be half as interesting if you weren’t so neglected and alone growing up.’

The painful truth in Jinx’s words spliced with a warm feeling of acceptance: to Jinx, Caitlyn was likeable and interesting. When and how the fuck did that happen?

‘Plus,’ Jinx continued, ‘having lots of family around isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Just means you’ve got more to lose.’

Ouch. Jinx had lost so much in her short life. So many people she’d considered family were no longer around. Dead, or worse, they’d abandoned her. So much grief. So much loss.

‘And you, Caitlyn Kiramman, are really fucking bad at losing,’ Jinx snickered, wordlessly encouraging another round of repartee.

Always the jester, especially at the expense of her own suffering. Another admirable quality.

‘I wouldn’t know,’ Caitlyn chuckled. ‘I never lose.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Jinx arched a calculating brow. ‘I seem to remember beating you at a few shooting games in the past.’

‘That’s because you cheated,’ Caitlyn gladly reminded her. ‘In a fair match, I’d win, hands down.’

‘Still with the cheating allegations?’ Jinx shook her head. Drank down more of the tasty pink gin concoction. ‘You really can’t handle losing, can you?’

‘Of course, I can,’ Caitlyn retorted, growing a little defensive. ‘When it’s earned.’

‘Pfft, I more than earned it,’ Jinx rebuffed. ‘You just can’t take it when someone’s better than you.’

‘Come on,’ Caitlyn scoffed. ‘It’s not about being better or worse, it’s—’

‘Bullshit!’ Jinx interrupted, springing forwards across the small table so they were almost nose to nose. ‘I’m a better shot than you are, and it kills you.’

Her breath tickled Caitlyn’s lips. It was sweet and heady with booze and the slightest trace of cigarette smoke, almost irresistible… it seemed so easy to lean in a little further and…

What the hell was she thinking!?

It was like Jinx read her mind. She remained in Caitlyn’s personal space, propped up by her strong wrists either side of Caitlyn’s folded, sweaty hands and half-supped gin and tonic. Caitlyn fiddled with her rings and the stem of her glass, shifted in her seat, avoiding Jinx’s astute stare however she could. A long, slender finger traced her jaw and hooked under her chin, forcing her to look back up.

‘Admit it,’ Jinx said, huskier than before. Her nail dug into Caitlyn’s skin. ‘Or are you gonna deny this, too?’

Cheeks on fire and her core throbbing, Caitlyn steadied her breathing and examined the provocative woman a hair’s breadth away from her face.

‘Fine, I’ll admit it,’ she said. ‘Leaving Vi was a relief.’

Jinx’s eyes sparkled as she spoke. ‘And?’

‘And…’

Caitlyn met Jinx’s coaxing finger with her own. Stroked over the slope of bone and wrinkles of the joint, up to the knuckle, where finger transitioned into hand. Jinx’s hands were soft, not what Caitlyn expected of someone whose main pastime was fixing and dismantling whatever technology she could find. Vi was a builder by trade, and her hands were rough and calloused, but Jinx’s…

‘I’m definitely the better shot,’ Caitlyn teased, and bridged the tiny gap between them with a kiss before Jinx could respond with another witty comeback.

If she could’ve blamed it on the alcohol, she would have, but she wasn’t drunk enough for that. Caitlyn was in control, perfectly aware of what she was doing. Her reasoning was… well, she wasn’t listening much to reason. She listened to her gut, and her gut told her she wanted this. She wanted Jinx and all the mess that inevitably came with her.

Their kiss lingered a few seconds before Jinx pulled away. Her wet lips parted in a hazy grin, but her quizzical eyes and the downwards tug of her brow betrayed her confusion. Caitlyn watched, stupefied by her own actions, as Jinx’s mouth shifted to form speech, preparing to ask questions Caitlyn had no answers for.

‘Your round,’ Caitlyn blurted out. Neither of them had finished their current glassful, but it was all she could think to say.

Jinx stood and collected herself. Gave Caitlyn a rushed, hesitant smile, almost like she’d grown shy. Jinx was never shy. Never.

‘I need a cigarette,’ she said, and darted outside, leaving Caitlyn in disarray.

Chapter Text

Jinx bolted out to the beer garden. Maybe the smoke would clear her head? Something had to. Was she having some kind of mental breakdown? Wouldn’t have been the first time.

She wanted to laugh it off and pretend it hadn’t happened, but she could still feel Caitlyn’s lips on hers. Her tongue darted out to where those lips had been. Tastebuds prickled with the lingering bitterness of Caitlyn’s gin and tonic.

There was no denying it. No back tracking. Caitlyn kissed her. She actually kissed her.

Since when could that woman stomach being in the same room as her, let alone… What the fuck?

Gods, this was depraved, even for her. But she couldn’t lie; she didn’t hate it.

Caitlyn was a beautiful woman. The thought of them together had crossed her mind a few times over the years. In her dreams, mostly. Maybe the odd, waking fantasy while she pleasured herself… Nothing she’d paid any mind to beyond the physical sensation of it.

She’d never, for one millisecond, imagined it becoming a reality. Least of all, that Caitlyn would make the first move. They were supposed to be sisters-in-law. What a crock of shit that turned out to be, huh?

Chuckling under her breath in disbelief, she put a cigarette to her mouth and leant against the pub’s brick wall, rummaged in her jacket pocket for her lighter. As she felt around, she took in her surroundings. The beer garden was fairly big—bigger than the pub, anyway—dotted with cosy-looking bench tables, and a gazebo at the far end adorned with twinkling fairy lights.

Her eyes fell on a couple at one of the tables, sloppy drunk and all over each other. She cringed and stared down at her beaten up Doc Martens.

Despite the music and chatter pulsing from indoors, their obnoxious lip-smacking was all she could hear. Get a fucking room. PDA always grossed her out, but this was worse than usual. They seemed so desperate for each other, like starving kids at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

No one had ever been all over her like that before. No one she’d wanted in the same way, at least.

Her connections were never all that passionate. Never meant much at all, not from her side. Kayn, Ran, Seraphine and the rest… they barely touched the sides. They fucked her around, of course, but she didn’t care. She didn’t let them hurt her, just swallowed them up.

But when someone did matter to her? When there was something real at stake? Well…

Caitlyn had kissed her, sure, but that was where it ended. The uptight enforcer was probably seething with regret already, thinking of ways to twist the narrative and make it all Jinx’s fault. There was no way she—

‘Jinx…?’

Gravel crunched beneath Caitlyn’s heeled boots as she stepped outside.

Fuck.

Jinx took a long drag of her cigarette and looked up at the Zaunian sky, starless in the neon gloom of the city. She didn’t dare look at Caitlyn, not even when the woman sidled up next to her. Their arms grazed against each other, setting Jinx ablaze from the inside out.

‘I was worried you’d left.’ Caitlyn’s head thudded lightly against the wall, and she sighed. ‘Sorry if what happened in there was… I don’t know, presumptuous of me?’

What? An apology?

‘I shouldn’t’ve, you know…’

And there was the regret. Yep.

‘It’s fine,’ Jinx said. The shakiness of her voice suggested otherwise, so she forced out a shiver to blame it on the cold.

‘Are you alright? We can go back inside if you want?’

Caitlyn’s genuine concern almost made Jinx feel guilty for the ruse. Admitting the truth was out of the question, but still, she didn’t want Caitlyn thinking she was freezing to death out there, or whatever she was so worried about.

‘I’m fine,’ she said, tilting her head to the side and upwards to look at Caitlyn.

She studied the angles and soft slopes of Caitlyn’s side profile. Took another drag and blew it out in the other direction.

‘Fine about the kiss, too,’ she added.

Caitlyn’s breath hitched, but she kept her eyes peeled on the sky. For the best, probably. They couldn’t entertain this… whatever it was. Prolonged eye contact would only make it harder to resist. Still, Jinx wished she’d meet her gaze, just for a moment.

What else could she say? What words would guarantee Caitlyn’s attention?

‘We’re keeping it between us, I assume?’ Jinx infused the ridiculous question with just enough sardonic judgement to make it stick.

‘I should think so, yes,’ Caitlyn derided, and rolled her eyes right into Jinx’s line of sight.

Bingo. Those dark, mesmerizing eyes bore into Jinx like a laser penetrating flesh, searing through her thin veneer and straight into her gooey insides. The scowl creasing Caitlyn’s forehead was an added bonus.

‘Jinx,’ Caitlyn bemoaned, her scowl deepening, ‘you’re not seriously implying that you’d—’

‘That I’d what?’ Jinx interrupted with a wide smirk. This was too damn easy. ‘Tell sweet little Vi?’

Her grin faltered at the look of terror on Caitlyn’s face. The mere mention of her sister had the woman in a blind panic, for fuck sake.

‘Oh, come on, d’you really think I’d do something like that?’

‘How should I know?’ Caitlyn asked, her voice colder than the night’s cutting breeze. She slowly turned back to face the sky. ‘I barely know you, Jinx.’

‘…fair point.’

They’d crossed paths for years, but how well did either of them really know each other?

Sure, Jinx knew bits and pieces: Caitlyn had a boring, privileged upbringing in Piltover, followed by a stick-in-the-mud, goodie-two-shoes career in law enforcement, and a doomed-from-day-dot marriage to the walking human disaster known as Vi. She had no idea what so-called facts Vi had told Caitlyn about her, but it was almost certainly enough to write a devastating, best-selling book about. So, they both knew the facts, but the subjective, intimate shit you get from spending actual time with a person? Not so much.

They weren’t family at all, were they? Never were. More like sexy strangers who happened to know a few of the same people and occasionally bumped into each other at social events. Distant enemies who sometimes argued and secretly lusted after one another. Yeah, accurate enough.

Jinx shrugged and mirrored Caitlyn’s movements, but she ached for more contact. Smoked down to its nub, the cigarette had no effect. With Caitlyn so close yet unattainable, Jinx could’ve puffed through twenty in a row and still felt off kilter, on the edge of whatever shred of sanity she clung to.

‘What am I doing with my life?’ Caitlyn sliced into the tense silence forming between them. ‘Vi, the divorce… you…’ Her voice broke. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’

How was Jinx supposed to answer a question like that? Especially since they barely knew each other.

A light scrape against the brick behind them told her that Caitlyn had moved position. She tilted her head towards the sound. Met by those eyes once again, she smiled through the heat building in her gut.

‘Well, that’s three things you’re doing,’ Jinx softly teased. ‘Pretty sure I can only help with one of ‘em, though.’

‘I’m sorry, Jinx,’ Caitlyn croaked out, on the verge of tears. ‘I should never have kissed you. It was silly of me, I mean, for gods’ sake, I—’

And the tears fell.

‘Hey, stop, shhh, it’s okay…’ Jinx reached out and wiped Caitlyn’s cheek.

Big mistake. Now that they were touching, it felt impossible to pull herself away. Especially with Caitlyn so upset. Rather than fall back, Jinx kept her hand pressed to Caitlyn’s face. More tears fell, and she stroked those away, too.

‘Listen,’ she implored. ‘I honestly thought it went without saying, but of course this stays between us. Duh! I mean, what the fuck would I even get out of telling Vi, aside from the worst ass-whooping of my life…? Seriously, my sister hates me enough already.’

‘Good point,’ Caitlyn sniffled.

Her tears were almost dry, but she didn’t move Jinx’s hand away. In fact, she leaned further into the touch, seeking the comfort she seemed to find there.

‘Except for the hating you part…’ Another sniffle. ‘Vi doesn’t hate you. She’s not capable of it.’

‘Wanna try telling her that?’ Jinx countered.

‘Do you think I haven’t?’ Caitlyn bristled, but her anger was towards the red-haired elephant in the room, not Jinx.

The red-haired elephant they had both betrayed minutes before… Fuck sake.

‘Y’know what?’ Jinx giggled out a grimace and flicked her cigarette butt to the ground. Tucked both of her hands deep into the bowels of her pockets. Away from Caitlyn, where her hands, and the rest of her, needed to stay. ‘I’m, uh… I’m gonna head.’

Caitlyn let out a quiet yelp at the loss of contact, but Jinx refused to fall for it. She couldn’t do it to Vi. Maybe Caitlyn could, but Jinx just… she couldn’t justify causing her sister that much pain. Not after everything else.

With a firm nod, Jinx pushed herself away from the wall. Now, if she could just put one foot in front of the other for the next mile or so, she’d escape this wonderful nightmare for good.

Yep. It wouldn’t haunt her dreams at all. Not one bit…

‘You’re leaving?’ A broken-sounding Caitlyn stepped in front of her, towering her small frame, arms crossed and defiant. ‘Why?’

‘Because, Cait,’ Jinx tried not to yell, tried to sound as reasonable as possible, but under the circumstances it was difficult. Her limbs shook with excess energy, filtering out all the things she couldn’t say, actions she couldn’t take. ‘This is too fucked up, okay? We just… we can’t do this, Cait. We can’t. We really fucking can’t.’

Caitlyn sighed pensively and set her laser eyes on full beam, straight into Jinx’s mushy brain.

‘I guess you’re right…’ Her gaze fell to Jinx’s lips. Fuck. ‘We can’t.’

Gods, Jinx just wanted to scream and curse and explode all over the beer garden. Just give into the impulse and—

She kissed her. Jinx threw her arms around Caitlyn’s neck and brought those bittersweet lips crashing down into her own. They moaned together on impact.

Fuck it. Jinx had never been a very good sister; why start now?

Caitlyn’s frantic hands explored her waist, underneath her jacket, up her back, as Jinx sank her fingers into Caitlyn’s silky, navy hair, deepening the kiss.

Oh, gods. It felt so good.

In the haze of it all, Jinx stumbled over an uneven section of gravel. Their mouths parted in a fit of laughter. Caitlyn held her steady and guided them backwards, pinning Jinx against the wall’s sturdy brick.

Catching her breath, Caitlyn’s hands fixed on Jinx’s hips. They stood nose to nose, eye to eye. Caitlyn scanned her up and down, like she was a problem to solve, or a lock to pick. More of a puzzle than a person.

What was on Caitlyn’s mind? Was she trying to figure a way out of this? A way to turn against Jinx and paint her as the bad guy?

Jinx could trust her to keep this from Vi, right? It felt obvious before, but now…

What if Caitlyn had initiated this whole thing just to throw it in Vi’s face? A final fuck you to seal the deal on their divorce. Vi refused to sign the papers, but finding out her estranged wife had fooled around with her little sister would certainly motivate her to get a pen ready.

No. No, that wasn’t right. The only person she knew capable of that level of manipulation was Silco. Caitlyn, however annoying, was a fundamentally good person. She would never do something like that. Jinx was just… being Jinx. Overthinking, getting worked up.

As their connection intensified, she grew more and more paranoid of losing it, or finding out it was never real in the first place. Typical avoidance bullshit. Gods, her therapist would have a fucking field day with this in their next session.

‘…you good?’ Jinx asked, wary of any number of horrible answers.

‘Yeah, I, um…’ Caitlyn snickered and bumped her head into Jinx’s with a sigh. ‘I have a lot on my mind.’

‘Like what?’

‘You know what,’ Caitlyn said softly.

‘I can guess,’ Jinx huffed and leaned in for another kiss. With her lips millimetres away, she stopped. ‘But I wanna hear you say it.’

‘Demanding,’ Caitlyn rasped out her retort. ‘But fine. I’m… I’m worried about the whole Vi thing—’

‘Obviously.’

Caitlyn recoiled with a smirk, and hands ventured up Jinx’s torso. Jinx bit her lip and suppressed a groan at the thrill of Caitlyn’s groping.

Okay, they’d deal with the Vi thing later. Where would those hands wander next…?

Jinx plunged her teeth into Caitlyn’s exposed neck, lapped at the bite with her tongue and repeated, as Caitlyn lightly cupped her breasts. Her nipples hardened to stone under Caitlyn’s touch.

‘And—’ Caitlyn gasped through the painful pleasure of Jinx’s teeth and grabbed at her pert little bottom through her skinny jeans. ‘And we, uh… we should really—’

‘I swear,’ Jinx warned, nibbling along Caitlyn’s sharp jawline, ‘if you say we should keep talking about this first, I’m gonna fucking kill you.’

Caitlyn pinched Jinx’s chin, stopping her mid-lick to look her in the eye.

‘Let me finish,’ she urged. The corners of her mouth bent upwards in a slight smile. ‘I was going to say that we should take this someplace more private.’ She raised a sculpted brow. ‘Don’t you think?’

Someplace more private? Fuck.

‘No more talking?’ Jinx asked, her entire body throbbing with arousal.

‘No more talking.’

Chapter Text

The cab ride to Jinx’s apartment passed in a blur of muffled moans, greedy gropes, and thrashing tongues. Caitlyn had never felt so shameless, nor so alive. There was something about Jinx, about the two of them together… they drove each other crazy. The poor taxi driver. They spent most of the ten-minute journey grinding against each other like a pair of impulsive, hormone-driven teenagers.

Not a second too soon, the cab pulled up at their destination. They clambered out onto the wet street, giggling and tipsily clinging to each other. Jinx buried her face into Caitlyn’s neck, kissing and licking as she pleased, while Caitlyn paid the fare. To her relief, the awkward exchange of cash and the polite ‘goodnight’ and ‘thank you’ ended in a heartbeat. The driver sped away into the night, off to pick up the next couple desperately heading home.

How many horny passengers like them did cabs get those days? Probably a fair few in Zaun. Piltover? Less likely. A few businessmen cheating on their wives with their assistants, perhaps.

She couldn’t quite picture the average Piltovan engaging in something so vulgar. And yet, there she stood, guilty of the same behaviour she saw fit to judge. What did that make her? A fool? A hypocrite? Which was worse?

Wait, when did it rain?

The hop and skip to Jinx’s apartment building was littered with puddles, the pavement was soaked, and the dip in the road next to the kerb was at least ankle deep with murky water. Must’ve been a heavy downpour, must’ve pelted against the cab’s windows so cold that the heat of their breath fogged up the glass, but Caitlyn hadn’t noticed a single drop of it. Jinx had rendered her oblivious.

It wasn’t like her to lack such basic awareness of her environment, but nothing about that night was particularly in character. At least, not a part of her character she recognised or understood. Around Jinx, she was reckless, out of control, blind to the rest of the world.

It felt eerie and strange that one person could affect her so deeply. It frightened her. Jinx frightened her. Their connection, the sheer animalistic force of their chemistry, scared her shitless.

Jinx’s apartment building sat in a line of identical structures. All painted sea blue, all erring on the nicer side of rundown, in dire need of a re-vamp but not fit to collapse. Serviceable. Caitlyn had visited only once before, with Vi, back when Jinx moved in about two years ago.

They weren’t supposed to be there. Jinx had insisted she didn’t need or want their help with the move, but big sister Vi couldn’t take no for an answer. She just couldn’t let Jinx take her first big step into adulthood on her own terms.

The whole palaver irked Caitlyn to no end. Despite their differences, Caitlyn urged Vi to see it from Jinx’s point of view. They were up all night discussing it, arguing about familial obligation and responsibility, and how Caitlyn wouldn’t understand because she’d had everything handed to her. She’d never had siblings to provide and care for, and she’d never had to struggle. The words cut at her, but Vi wasn’t all wrong, so Caitlyn conceded the fight and played along. Even offered to rent out a removals van to make it easier.

They turned up the next morning to a fully kitted out apartment, and the aftermath of a party. Jinx had moved in with the help of a few friends the day before. She’d given Vi the wrong date on purpose, knowing exactly what she’d do.

‘She just wanted this one thing for herself,’ Caitlyn snapped, exhausted after hours of Vi’s tormented ranting on the subject, pacing back and forth in their lounge. ‘Why is it so hard for you to accept that she’s not a kid anymore, Vi!? She’s twenty-two, for gods’ sake, she’s a grown woman! She doesn’t need you anymore!’

‘Wow, Cait,’ Vi snickered bitterly. ‘Tell me how you really feel.’ She hung her head and ground her fists together, still pounding the floorboards. ‘Powder will always be my baby sister. What doesn’t compute?’

‘I’m sorry, what doesn’t compute?’ Caitlyn mocked, filled with merciless venom, ready to spit. ‘You can’t even call her by her real name!’

‘Powder is her real name!’ Vi yelled, nostrils flaring and muscles tensing with fury.

‘No,’ Caitlyn said solemnly. ‘It isn’t, and it hasn’t been for a long time now. How can you expect her to want you in her life when you can’t respect her wishes for something as basic as a name?’

‘Seriously? I have to explain this to you again?’ Vi shook her head in frustration. ‘Jinx isn’t her name. Jinx is some weird fucking alter ego that psychopath cooked up for her so she’d be easier for him to manipulate. It’s not her name.’

‘I know,’ Caitlyn said. ‘I know that’s what you think, but—’

‘What I think!? It’s the truth!’

‘Yes, the truth, from your perspective, Vi!’ Cailyn’s rage propelled her to stand, eye to eye with her fuming wife. ‘What about hers!? What about how Jinx feels?’

‘How Powder feels.’

‘No, Jinx,’ Caitlyn demanded. ‘I’m telling you, Vi—I’ll fucking scream it if I have to—that girl will never let you in if you keep treating her like she’s still a child.’

‘But I—!’

‘I know,’ Caitlyn huffed. ‘I know why you do it, okay? I get it.’

Vi’s breathing began to level out, a sign she’d started to listen. At that, Caitlyn calmed a little, too.

‘For so long in care, you were all each other had,’ Caitlyn said, softening her voice to almost a whisper. ‘And then, just when she needed you most, they separated you. You didn’t see her grow up, couldn’t be there for her for all those important moments… I know how much that hurt. How much it still does. I see it in you every day.’

Vi’s bottom lip trembled on the cusp of tears. She wiped at her nose and shook out her shoulders, shaking away the emotions.

Why couldn’t she just cry?

If she had to, Caitlyn would’ve held Vi all night as the tears fell. Vi never let down her defences and wailed for all the pain she’d endured, and she desperately needed to. A good cry, a show of ugly, vital vulnerability, might’ve helped to release something locked deep inside.

But no. Vi never cried, not even when Vander died. She just got angry instead.

‘All that aside, the pain and regret you feel about the past doesn’t give you the right to behave this way, Vi,’ Caitlyn firmly concluded. ‘Jinx is her own person with her own wants and needs. You don’t get to decide what name she goes by, her moving plans, none of it. It’s just not your business. You can offer to help, fine, but next time, if she says no, please just take it as a no. You’ll end up losing her for good if you don’t.’

‘Cait, you’re not—’

‘I can’t keep having this conversation,’ she said, stone-faced and weary. ‘I’m going to bed.’

‘It’s not even eight yet.’

‘Well, I’m tired.’

The stench of stale urine and cigarette smoke blinked Caitlyn back to reality, as she and Jinx entered the stairwell. Their boots clomped and clanked in unison on the metal steps, all the way up to the third floor, where Jinx opened a security-sealed door and led them into a long, stuffy corridor.

‘You okay, Kiramman?’ Jinx asked, voice all giddy and laced with faux concern. ‘You haven’t even commented on the smell. It’s pretty ripe in here. Gag-worthy, really.’

She paused for a reaction, but Caitlyn didn’t speak or even look at her. The memories the building had conjured burrowed into her mind like leeches on bleeding flesh.

‘Cait?’ Jinx’s concern suddenly sounded genuine. She stopped walking and stared back at her. ‘Second thoughts?’

Jinx huffed and clicked her fingers in front of Caitlyn’s eyes, demanding her attention. It worked. Caitlyn fixed her gaze on Jinx’s furrowed brow and needy, pouting mouth.

‘Sorry,’ she said, still a little out of it. ‘I was just… it’s a while since I’ve been here.’

‘Ah,’ Jinx grimaced, as though she knew exactly what Caitlyn meant. ‘Yeah. I hadn’t thought about that.’

‘…this is weird, isn’t it?’ Caitlyn knew the answer. It tore at her. ‘I should go. This was a mistake.’

She turned on her heel, but Jinx grabbed her wrist to stop her leaving.

‘Wait—’

Caitlyn looked back and couldn’t help but smile at the heart-shaped face that greeted her, full of want and longing. Jinx might never have said it with her words, but her eyes begged Caitlyn to stay. As did the soothing strokes from Jinx’s thumb, as she let go of Caitlyn’s wrist and locked their fingers together.

Walking away from everything Jinx had to offer would certainly be difficult.

‘Will you at least come in for a drink while I call you another cab?’ Jinx bargained. ‘If it rains again and you’re waiting outside, you’ll be screwed.’

‘Sure,’ Caitlyn agreed. It seemed a fair compromise.

They carried on down the corridor, towards Jinx’s apartment.

‘You noticed the rain, then?’ Caitlyn asked, as they strode hand in hand down the worn carpet.

‘Not until we got out,’ Jinx confessed. ‘I wasn’t exactly focusing on the weather.’

‘Me neither.’

‘Oh.’ Jinx halted. Big blue eyes doubled in size. She moved in close, resting her hands around Caitlyn’s waist. ‘You spaced, too?’ Her tone was heartbreakingly vulnerable. ‘I thought it was just me getting carried away. You know, Jinx being Jinx.’

Jinx being Jinx? What did that mean? That she was stupid somehow? That she didn’t see things clearly? It reeked of gaslighting. Who had instilled in her such a negative self-view? Silco; the carers at the foster home; her parents before they died; Vi…?

Some combination of all four, probably.

Bile rose in Caitlyn’s throat, and a bewildering mixture of sadness, rage and affection bubbled in her stomach, threatening to erupt and spill over. She wanted to protect Jinx. To scoop her up and glue every broken fragment of her psyche back together.

Where had all these feelings come from?

Her hands acted on their own volition and cupped Jinx’s warm, blushing cheeks; stroked the soft skin she found there.

A peculiar expression fluttered across Jinx’s face. What was that emotion? Embarrassment? Vulnerability? An acknowledgement of pain? The kind of pain Jinx kept buried.

Whatever it was, it vanished almost as soon as it appeared.

‘Come on,’ Jinx snickered and pulled away from their tense embrace. She inched backwards down the corridor, eyes glued on Caitlyn’s. ‘Let’s get you that cab, huh?’

Something in her tone told Caitlyn what she already knew as fact: there’d be no cab. There’d be no leaving. They wanted each other too much to resist.

They reached Jinx’s door, number two-four-two. It stood out from the rest, covered in doodles and stickers. Caitlyn grinned at the sight; Jinx had truly made the place her home. With a soft smile, Jinx took her hand and led her inside.

The studio apartment was open-plan, more spacious than Caitlyn remembered, with tastefully exposed-brick walls and a front-facing balcony. The click of her heels ricocheted off of the hardwood floor as she explored Jinx’s domain. Like the woman herself, it was a little chaotic. Cluttered with various gadgets and candles, antiques and collectible figurines, posters of musicians and eclectic, modern artwork.

A king-size bed sat in the far-left corner; black sheets unmade from the morning. Caitlyn imagined herself lying there with Jinx on top of her, grinding against her thigh, moaning on the cusp of climax.

A chill tingled up her spine.

She blinked. Recalibrated.

At the studio’s centre, facing the window and the balcony beyond, was a worn leather sofa and matching armchair, surrounded by a coffee table, potted plants, marijuana paraphernalia and an expensive-looking Soundsystem. On the inner wall, to Caitlyn’s right, an over-filled bookcase arched over a blackboard with some kind of equation scrawled across it.

Caitlyn examined the numbers and squiggles but couldn’t make sense of it. Engineering code, no doubt. Too big-brained for her. It was all too easy to forget how clever Jinx was, behind all that bravado.

The kitchen, towards the tail end, sported a mini-bar complete with suspended bottles of vodka, gin, whisky, tequila, and a neon sign overhead which read ‘it’s now or never.’ The sign felt like some kind of message. Her gut lurched.

‘So, come on,’ Jinx cooed. ‘Bed’s this way…’

‘Actually, I’d quite like that drink you mentioned.’

‘Right,’ Jinx drawled, unconvinced, inching closer to the bed. ‘And a cab, too?’

‘Depends on what drink you make me,’ Caitlyn quipped back.

‘Wait, seriously?’ Jinx scoffed. ‘You actually want a drink?’

‘I do.’

‘Huh.’ Jinx balked in disbelief and returned to Caitlyn in the centre of the room. ‘So, Kiramman,’ she rasped with a tease in her tone. ‘Craving anything in particular? Gin and tonic, or…’

‘Surprise me,’ Caitlyn said.

‘You trust me enough for that?’

‘It’s a drink; I think I’ll survive.’

‘… ‘kay.’

Jinx cackled as she skipped over to the mini-bar and set about preparing whatever drink she planned to make. While she waited, Caitlyn gravitated to the sofa. Offloaded her blazer, handbag, and boots, and sank into the soft cushion. The material of her chinos stretched a little as she sat with her feet tucked under her and made herself comfortable.

From the mini-bar, Jinx spied Caitlyn’s new location and chuckled, as she shook up her concoction and poured it out into two smart martini glasses. Judging by the salt around each rim, Jinx had made margaritas.

Did she… she couldn’t have remembered Caitlyn’s love for margaritas, could she? It seemed too perfect to have been a coincidence.

Jinx ferried the drinks over, donning a sly grin as she handed over Caitlyn’s.

Yeah, she definitely remembered.

‘Well, this is a surprise,’ Caitlyn said. ‘My favourite.’

‘Oh, really?’ With a coy and calculating twinkle in her eye, Jinx took a seat in the oversized armchair to Caitlyn’s right. ‘I had no idea.’ Sure, she didn’t. ‘Give it a taste.’

Caitlyn obliged and took a sip. It was pungent with tequila and citrus, made slightly savoury and moreish by the salt. Perfect.

‘Where did you learn to make this? It’s fantastic.’

‘Used to tend bar at one of the strip clubs downtown,’ Jinx said, and made a start on her own. ‘I can show you if you want. It’s not hard.’

Caitlyn spluttered into her drink. Her brain short-circuited.

‘The recipe, I mean,’ Jinx clarified. ‘Not stripping. Stripping’s tough work. All the pole-dancing and stuff? You have to be in seriously good shape.’

‘You worked at a strip club?’ She asked once her head stopped spinning. ‘When? For how long?’

Jinx rolled her eyes with a hint of disdain. ‘Does it matter?’

‘No, that’s not…’ She floundered. Composed herself with another sip. ‘I don’t mean to judge, I just… I had no idea.’

‘Why would you?’ Jinx rebuffed, her sarcasm bordering irritation. ‘We barely know each other. Isn’t that the theme of this evening?’

‘…right.’ Caitlyn didn’t want to argue; sipped more of the delicious drink instead.

‘Besides, can you imagine what would’ve happened if Vi knew I worked at a place like that?’

‘The mind boggles.’

Violence of some form, certainly. Arson sprung to mind. Homicide, perhaps. Fists would most definitely have flown.

‘I wasn’t even a stripper,’ Jinx added. ‘I made drinks in skimpy outfits. It was harmless… and very lucrative.’

‘I can imagine,’ Caitlyn stated, resisting a smirk at the notion of Jinx conning the clientele out of hundreds of dollars in tips just by winking in their direction.

‘Whatever,’ Jinx huffed and placed her half-supped margarita onto the coffee table between them. ‘It was a while ago.’

‘Well, you’ve done great for yourself since,’ Caitlyn said. ‘Vi would be proud.’

She winced as soon as the words left her mouth. Totally the wrong thing to say. For gods’ sake, Caitlyn. She was there to sleep with Jinx, not reminisce about the past and talk about her ex-wife. Why couldn’t she keep Vi’s name out of her mouth?

Come to think of it, Jinx had mentioned her too. They both had Vi on the brain.

Great. How ideal.

Jinx stared into the wood of the table, a subtle frown creasing her features.

‘Sorry,’ Caitlyn said, letting out an awkward chuckle. ‘It’s hard to avoid mentioning her, isn’t it?’

‘I guess. Yeah.’

‘It feels like…’ Caitlyn hesitated. Her next words were probably unwise, but still, she had to say them. ‘You’re the only person I can really talk about her with.’

‘Same here,’ Jinx said, and finally locked onto Caitlyn’s gaze. ‘You and my therapist, anyway.’ Her eyes widened, like she’d said too much, given away too much of herself. ‘But we don’t need to talk about that, like, ever, so—’

‘Of course,’ Caitlyn smiled with care. ‘Talk about what?’

‘Thanks,’ Jinx smiled back, cementing their mutual understanding.

As curious as she felt, Caitlyn wouldn’t pry. The knowledge that Jinx had a therapist at all was good enough. Gods knew she needed one.

Maybe Caitlyn could’ve used one, too?

‘Anyway, whaddaya say, Kiramman?’ Jinx asked, her tone suddenly suggestive. Her mood seemed to chop and change so easily. ‘Am I calling you that cab?’

‘Hmm…’ Caitlyn tilted her head and sipped from her glass.

Finally, they were getting back to the point, the whole reason they were there together in the first place. She felt dizzy with relief but dared not show it. As the tart alcohol scintillated her tongue, she followed Jinx’s lead and placed her drink down.

‘I think you already know the answer to that,’ she replied, hiding her nerves with a wry smile.

Full of her trademark, bullshit nonchalance, Jinx slouched into the armchair and gave a small shrug. She seemed grumpy and bored. Why? Because they hadn’t fallen into bed the second they’d arrived? Jinx had tried the gentleman’s approach of making drinks and conversation, and now, what? Time to embrace the brat within? Did Jinx think acting up would get her what she wanted out of this?

‘Which is…?’ Jinx prompted.

Oh, it was a stand-off, was it? Who’d crack and reveal their desire first? In that case, Caitlyn didn’t mind appearing to lose.

With a patient sigh, she stood from the sofa and rounded the table, stepping into Jinx’s personal space. She crouched down to Jinx’s eye level, to find her companion blushing at the shift in tension. Holding Jinx’s stare, Caitlyn crossed her arms over Jinx’s widespread lap and clasped her hands together, propping her chin up on the steeple where her fingers met in the middle.

‘You tell me,’ Caitlyn commanded with a whisper. ‘Tell me what you want.’

Jinx bit her lip and slouched further down, brushing her clothed upper thighs against Caitlyn’s hands as she encased her legs around Caitlyn’s waist. With a flicker of a smile, she prized Caitlyn’s hands apart and took the fingers of her right hand into her mouth, one by one, paying particular attention to the middle three.

Caitlyn’s lips parted in awe at the unexpected sight before her. The inside of Jinx’s mouth was a wet, velvety swirl of bodily heat and cool ice from the margarita. Her tongue was tender and rugged at once, depending on how she used it. Revisiting Caitlyn’s middle finger, Jinx bit down, just hard enough to make her gasp. Jinx smirked, seemingly pleased with herself, and licked the knuckle between her teeth.

Caitlyn removed her hand from Jinx’s grasp and wrapped her long, wetted fingers around Jinx’s slender neck with a light squeeze. Jinx rutted and moaned beneath her, still staring, enthralled by what might happen next.

‘What do you want, Jinx?’ Caitlyn pressed.

In one fluid motion, Jinx tightened her legs to gain a sturdier hold around Caitlyn’s waist and brought her knees up. Caitlyn thrusted up and forwards with a disconcerted yelp, landing nose to nose with the menace herself. Jinx giggled on impact, but her laughter soon died as she focused on Caitlyn. They drank each other in for a second, united in their dilated pupils and racing hearts.

Cold, petite hands stroked up Caitlyn’s arms, as Jinx lazily, greedily, lovingly, placed kisses all over her face. Forehead, nose, chin, cheeks, eyebrows, lips.

‘Good enough answer?’ Jinx teased; mouth barely parted from Caitlyn’s.

‘It’ll do,’ Caitlyn retorted, and they chuckled into another kiss.

Tentative at first, they quickly lost themselves in a stream of urgent moans and roaming hands. Soon, Caitlyn scooped Jinx out of the chair altogether. With Jinx’s limbs already wrapped around her, it didn’t take much effort. The girl couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds or so; Caitlyn benched heavier at the gym. She stood upright with Jinx writhing sensually in her arms, kissing her neck, attached like a koala. Within a few clumsy steps, she swivelled to ensure Jinx would land on top, and let them both fall onto the mattress with a shriek of aroused glee.

Giggling all the more, Jinx pinned Caitlyn beneath her small frame, battling tongue against tongue as she groped her breasts through her shirt. Their legs intertwined, knees in each other’s crotches to maximise mutual pleasure.

Button by button, Jinx undid Caitlyn’s shirt until it fell open. Sitting back on her haunches a moment, Jinx traced over the lines of Caitlyn’s bra in admiration.

‘Can I see you?’ Jinx asked.

With a slight nod, Caitlyn sat up. First, she removed her shirt, and then her bra. Breasts exposed, she lay back and propped herself up on her elbows, allowing Jinx to get her fill. She knew she looked good. At thirty years old, she’d never been fitter or in better shape, and it showed. Plus, even if she’d lacked confidence, Jinx’s flabbergasted look of lust spoke for itself.

‘Holy fucking shit,’ Jinx exclaimed with a nervous laugh. ‘I knew you were beautiful, but… wow…’ With a new sense of uncertainty, she reached out her hand and gently caressed the soft flesh of Caitlyn’s breasts, one at a time, before stroking down the toned planes of her belly. ‘You’re like… the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen… and I’ve seen a few. I mean, not to compare, but… I’m gonna shut up now.’

‘Good to know,’ Caitlyn snickered and pulled Jinx in for another round of hungry kisses.

It felt more than good. It felt incredible for Jinx—for any woman, but especially Jinx—to admire her like that. It had been too long since she’d indulged this part of herself. She hadn’t had sex since—

NOPE. Not thinking about Vi during sex with Jinx. NOT HAPPENING.

But yes, it felt good. Very, very good.

In between kisses, Jinx whipped her t-shirt off to reveal a bra of her own. More of a bralette, really; a cute, little black thing which sat on her chest in a flattering V-shape, not a shred of underwire in sight.

Jinx had significantly less to show in that department, and Caitlyn felt a pang of envy at how much simpler it must’ve been for her to style herself. Caitlyn’s wardrobe would’ve been so much more streamlined, more her, if everything didn’t have to be so busty all the time. Any typical blouse and blazer combo, such as the one she’d worn that evening, instantly had to factor in cleavage for her to truly rock it. Then again, certain dresses and tight-fitted jumpers she owned would’ve been nigh unwearable with a more petite chest. There were pros and cons to every woman’s body type, she supposed, and they were all gorgeous in their own right.

With Jinx in her lap, Caitlyn kissed her again. Cupping Jinx’s small, perfect breasts, she rubbed and squeezed the hard nubs of her nipples, eliciting a ream of adorable squeals and profanities. Eventually, Jinx tore the bralette off. Caitlyn replaced pinching fingers with a delicate tongue and sharp teeth, and the profanities increased delightfully.

Okay, so Jinx liked nipple play.

Still using her mouth to tend to Jinx’s breasts, Caitlyn’s fingers wandered between the younger woman’s legs. Her core radiated heat through her jeans, and she bucked her hips at even the slightest touch. Caitlyn doubled her efforts, applying pressure and rhythm to her squeezes.

With a whine of pure frustration, Jinx plunged her hands into Caitlyn’s hair and pulled at the roots, forcing her to look up, nipple in mouth. She released the glistening pink nub with a pop, granting Jinx her full attention (mostly) while her hand remained on Jinx’s crotch.

‘Fuck me,’ Jinx pleaded. ‘I want you to fuck me.’

‘How d’you want me to fuck you, Jinx?’ Caitlyn asked with a serene calm. Her busy hands gave her focus, enabling her to sound matter-of-fact despite her unbridled thrill at the request. ‘Fingers? Mouth? Soft? Hard?’

‘Dealer’s choice,’ Jinx said. ‘Just make me scream.’

Wonderful.

Caitlyn untangled herself from Jinx’s limbs and stood to the side of the bed. She took off her chinos, folded them, and placed them atop Jinx’s surprisingly uncluttered bedside table. Left in just her knickers, she perched back on the bed, facing Jinx.

This promised to be fun. She’d forgotten how naturally all of this came to her. How invigorating it could be.

‘Take off your jeans and underwear,’ she instructed.

Jinx readily obliged, peeling off her jeans and the cute pair of baby pink boxer-briefs underneath.

‘Lie back and spread your legs.’

Jinx obeyed once more, revealing the sheen of her wet, hairy pussy in all its glory.

‘Good girl,’ Caitlyn said.

Jinx whimpered at the praise, barrelling straight into a hearty moan as Caitlyn met her open cunt with a finger teasing her hole and a kiss to her clit. As fun as it was to make Jinx squirm, Caitlyn had no patience left. Eyes locked on the beauty before her, she slipped her middle finger into Jinx’s hot core. Jinx’s pupils shone, needful and entranced. The same finger she had bitten and licked now moved within her in slow, shallow pumps, testing how much she could take.

‘More,’ Jinx urged. ‘Please.’

Caitlyn added another finger and upped her pace to a steady back and forth.

More profanities cascaded from Jinx’s lust-red lips, some too quiet to hear, others loud and dramatic. Every utterance, every muffled gasp and unhinged moan, fell on Caitlyn’s ears like music to a conductor, spurring her on to complete her masterpiece. Jinx’s harmonies dictated Caitlyn’s pace. A period of quiet, soft sighs, and Caitlyn went harder, faster. A string of longer, heavier notes, and Caitlyn fell back, lightened her touch. They were in concerto with each other, lost in the moment, not an ounce of self-consciousness or restraint between them.

Jinx’s first orgasm came like the swell of a chorus, promising more. Caitlyn added a third finger and set her mouth to work on Jinx’s clit, licking and sucking with rapid precision.

The next chorus loomed within the verse. Jinx bucked her hips and held Caitlyn’s head steady. Her symphony hit another high note. Caitlyn maintained pace long enough for the second chorus to play through, then dropped into the bridge. Lessened her thrusts. Removed her mouth from Jinx’s sensitive clit.

The process of increasing and reducing intensity continued until Jinx had thrashed out what felt like an entire album. Caitlyn’s stamina proved relentless, but even she began to waver.

One last crescendo, and Jinx tapped out, slamming her arm on the bed like a weary wrestler.

Kissing along Jinx’s thighs and pelvis, Caitlyn removed her fingers and wiped them on Jinx’s tummy. To her surprise, Jinx took them into her mouth and licked them clean. Even through the haze of her exhaustion, her clit throbbed at the sight of Jinx tasting her own cum like that.

‘Fuck,’ Caitlyn said, gawping like a pervert.

‘Yeah?’ Jinx asked. ‘You like this? Me tasting myself… cleaning you up after I got you all dirty…’

Caitlyn could only nod and swallow the saliva pooling in her mouth.

‘Was I good for you?’ Jinx’s expression turned cherubic in its earnestness. ‘Am I a good girl?’

‘The best girl,’ Caitlyn replied. ‘An angel.’

‘An angel?’ Jinx grinned, and something demonic lit up in her eyes. ‘Really?’ She challenged. ‘That sounds a little too good.’

‘Does it, now?’ Caitlyn questioned, playing into the moment.

Jinx nodded.

‘Well,’ Caitlyn sighed. ‘Why don’t you show me the other side to you then?’

‘What, my evil side…?’ Jinx grinned, but her eyes grew glassy, on the cusp of tears.

In a beat, her smile fell, and she hardened to stone.

‘No need,’ she said, no longer playful. ‘I’m bad enough for you already.’

Caitlyn didn’t have a response for that. Nothing witty or flirty up her sleeve. She just sat in silence and watched as Jinx crawled under the duvet and curled up facing the wall, away from her.

‘…do you really believe that?’ She finally dared to ask.

Jinx’s bare shoulders arched and slumped in a half-hearted shrug.

‘I don’t,’ Caitlyn added, for whatever good it might’ve done. ‘I don’t believe that one bit.’

‘Yeah, you do,’ Jinx said.

All the colour drained from her voice, leaving it monotone grey. Caitlyn’s chest tightened at the sound.

‘I don’t,’ Caitlyn assured.

She lay a hand on Jinx’s shoulder, trying to fight for a sliver of the connection they had just shared.

Jinx shuddered away from her touch and hiked the duvet up, covering everything but the top of her bright blue hair.

‘Jinx…?’

Words seemed futile, but without touch they were all she had.

‘What’s wrong? Talk to me… I’m right here.’

‘I know you’re there; I can hear you breathing.’

A harsh lump clogged Caitlyn’s throat.

‘Talk to me, then,’ she reasoned. ‘Please.’

‘…just go to sleep, Cait,’ Jinx said, defeated.

‘And we’ll talk about this in the morning?’

‘Sure. Whatever.’

Instinct told Caitlyn they wouldn’t talk at all, but she ignored it in favour of hope. Maybe if Jinx got some sleep, she’d feel better in the morning? More like herself.

Caitlyn slept in bursts, waking sporadically to Jinx’s rigid, painfully conscious body next to her. Jinx hadn’t slept one minute, had she?

Her hope dissipated like smoke in the breeze.

What happened last night? Something had clearly triggered Jinx, but what?

Tired and anguished, Caitlyn rolled over. Checked her phone.

The time read 7:10: an acceptable hour to get up, gather her things and leave.

But she didn’t want to go. Not without talking to Jinx. Last night, everything that transpired—the good, the bad—it begged to be discussed.

Where did it leave them? What were they to each other now?

In the bleak light of day, she suspected little would change, but part of her longed for a different outcome. They’d connected. Deeply. Not just sexually, but as people. Jinx moved her. Made her ache and laugh and feel sexy again. She didn’t want to lose that so soon.

Of all the people it could’ve been, why did it have to be Jinx? And why—fucking why!?—did it have to end on such a shitty note?

They really needed to talk.

Jinx remained in the same position she had all night. Unmoving and unsleeping, like a sentient statue.

‘Jinx?’ Caitlyn tried. ‘Jinx, are you awake?’

‘…you know I am.’

Jinx spoke just as stoically as she had before. Like every word was a chore.

Caitlyn’s chest constricted further.

‘Thought I’d best ask,’ she said. ‘Are you ready to talk? I can wait if you need to—’

‘Just go,’ Jinx interrupted.

‘What?’

‘Go home, Cait.’

‘But…’

What could she even say at that point? Jinx had completely shut down.

‘I’m not going home until you tell me what happened last night,’ she resolved. One way or another, she’d get the answers she needed.

‘Enjoy paying my rent then.’

‘Is that all you have to say?’ Caitlyn’s temper simmered. ‘Some half-baked quip?’

‘Guess so.’

‘Really, Jinx?’ Caitlyn demanded. ‘I’ve been tossing and turning all night, wondering what the fuck I did wrong to make you snap and switch up on me, and you’re not going to even try to explain? I get no explanation for being treated like that. No apology?’

‘Okay. Sorry.’

‘For what?’

‘Sorry you feel entitled to an apology.’

‘Entitled?’ Caitlyn could hardly believe what she’d heard. ‘Entitled!?’

‘Yep.’

‘So, you go cold and distant on me out of nowhere, and I’m entitled for wanting to know why?’ Caitlyn balked; temper officially lost. ‘Stellar logic right there. Impeccable.’

‘Not what I said.’

‘It’s what you meant.’

‘I said demanding an apology was entitled of you, not the other thing.’

‘Y’know what, Jinx?’ Caitlyn burst into furious laughter as she swung out of bed and hunted for her clothes. ‘Whatever, I don’t care. I’m done.’

Jinx didn’t reply, just hugged the duvet tighter around her body.

Caitlyn clipped her bra into place and pulled on her chinos. Spied her blouse where it had unceremoniously landed, near the sofa. She rescued it and slipped it on. Fastened the buttons as quickly as her shaking hands allowed.

‘I’m going,’ she said. ‘Have a nice fucking weekend.’

Still no response.

Fine.

Already at the sofa, her boots and the rest of her things were in easy reach. She gathered them together in a bundle and left without looking back.

Chapter Text

Doctor Heimerdinger’s office had changed drastically in the time that Jinx had been his patient. She liked to round off each session by gifting him a little drawing, usually scribbled in biro while she waffled out a stream of consciousness and he listened attentively. It had become a ritual of sorts. The wall behind his tweed armchair, in which he sat every time, transformed from a bland, blank slate, to a glorious smorgasbord of silly sketches. She looked upon them with pride. Each doodle held a memory. Like the one of him as a fluffy Pomeranian-human-hybrid, the one that started it all. She just couldn’t help it; his short stature and excessive facial hair sent her imagination into overdrive.

Plus, after their first few sessions, she realised she couldn’t talk about anything of substance without the distraction. He accepted it for what it was and allowed her to continue uninhibited.

Most other professionals she’d seen over the years weren’t so kind. In fact, they’d all given up on her after just a few weeks. People with her particular concoction of issues rarely lasted in therapy, but Heimy was a little trooper. It made him precious to her. Made her feel understood. Fortnight after fortnight, she spewed out the darkest, ugliest parts of her, and thanks to him, she barely felt self-conscious about it anymore.

The Caitlyn thing, though… that had proven trickier to navigate.

‘How are you today, Jinx?’ Heimerdinger enquired as they both made themselves comfortable.

His moustache flopped when he spoke, and she held back a giggle.

He asked the same thing in the same tone every time; this outwardly banal question with layers of inner meaning. The predictability of it eased her into the session, like dipping her toes into a hot bath before submerging her body. Another ritual of theirs, she supposed.

Did he have the same approach with his other patients, the same ritual, or did he switch up depending on the vibe of the individual? Asking him would’ve crossed a line, but she often wondered.

There were tonnes of questions she wished she could ask him, but patients weren’t supposed to form those kinds of attachments. He wasn’t there as a friend. He wasn’t meant to matter to her as much as he did.

‘Scale of one to ten?’ He prompted.

‘Uhhh…’ She weighed her answer carefully. ‘Like, a five.’

‘A five?’ He arched a bushy brow and jotted something down in his notebook. ‘Why’s that?’

‘It’s an average day for me, I guess,’ she said. ‘Not really feeling one way or the other, just… slap bang in the middle.’

‘Well, that’s a positive step,’ he replied. ‘One up from last week’s four.’

‘Yep,’ she grinned.

‘What’s changed over these past two weeks that might’ve balanced things out for you?’

‘I dunno,’ she said. ‘I guess I just, um… I’m still numb, but I guess I’m used to it now, y’know?’

‘Alright,’ he said. ‘Talk me through that.’

‘What? The numbness?’

‘Yes, if you please.’

Her hands itched for something to do. She stretched and shook them out, balled them into fists, clicked her knuckles.

‘Here.’ Heimerdinger retrieved a black pen and a stack of multicoloured post-it notes from his desk drawer and handed them to her. ‘Idle hands, as they say.’

‘Thanks,’ she smiled and quickly graced the top post-it with a squiggly line to make sure the pen worked. Success. She had no idea what to draw, but…

‘Do continue when you’re ready,’ he encouraged.

She tore off the ruined post-it and started afresh. Tapped her pen to conjure thought. It cleared her mind a little, enough to speak.

‘I feel nothing,’ she said. ‘But I know it’s not a real nothing. It’s a lie.’

‘A lie?’

‘Yeah,’ she nodded shortly. ‘To stop it hurting when I think about it.’ Every hit of the pen against the paper reverberated in her mind. ‘It’s all I think about.’ She couldn’t even think of what to draw. All she could think about was it. ‘That night. I keep replaying everything that happened… I care, y’know, I just conned myself into believing otherwise. I split.’

‘Why do you think you had a splitting episode, Jinx?’

‘We’ve covered this.’

‘I know,’ he said. ‘But I’m curious to hear today’s answer.’

‘Okay, uh…’ What the fuck could she say on the subject that she hadn’t already? ‘Same as before, I guess. I have this belief, this fear, that people are gonna leave me. Everyone I know. Even you, even though you’re paid to be in my life. It’s not logical, like, at all, but I can’t shake it… I think when Caitlyn and I were, y’know, playing around, it triggered that fear, so I just…’

She shook her head. Ashamed.

‘At the time, a part of me knew what was happening, but I couldn’t stop it. One second, I looked at Caitlyn and I saw this… this dangerously sexy, beautiful woman in my bed… and I adored her. I felt vulnerable with her. Like I could be myself. And the next thing I knew, I couldn’t stand to be around her anymore.’

A frown formed at the memory.

‘The thought, the fear, that I’m a bad person, that I’d be bad for Caitlyn, that being with me would hurt her, it just… I freaked out and devalued the whole thing… to protect myself, I guess, because… Because if I’m so terrible, hurting her is inevitable, right? And if I hurt her, she’ll leave me, and then I’ll get hurt too, so… might as well get there first while it’s in my control.’

‘Hmm… some excellent insight, Jinx,’ Heimerdinger assured.

‘Well, I’m nothing if not self-aware,’ she joked, but it didn’t land.

‘Quite,’ he said. ‘And a different answer from last time, too.’

‘It was?’

‘Absolutely,’ he said. ‘You’ve never described what you experience as fear, nor as illogical, before. Why the change, do you think?’

‘Because it’s stupid,’ she huffed. ‘My brain’s stupid; it’s a clusterfuck. It’s all raw emotion and trauma, constant fear. Nothing fucking logical occurs in here—’ she tapped a finger to her temple— ‘unless it’s engineering-related.’

Heimerdinger gave a short grin. ‘How might a more logical, less intimidating, approach to the situation look for you?’

‘Fuck if I know,’ she said. ‘Caitlyn’s never gonna forgive me for how I treated her, and why should she? I don’t… I don’t think there’s really a situation to go back to.’

‘What if she’s already forgiven you?’

‘Pfft,’ she said. ‘No way; she’s too stubborn for that. Plus, she hasn’t texted or called. Don’t you think she would’ve by now?’

‘Maybe she’s waiting for you to reach out first? To be vulnerable with her again.’

‘Nah,’ Jinx dismissed.

She couldn’t afford to entertain that idea for a second longer than she already had. The thought that one simple sorry could’ve squashed the issue while Caitlyn was still in her bed all those months ago was too much to take.

‘She wants nothing to do with me,’ she insisted. ‘I fucked it up. It’s done.’

‘Well, Jinx,’ Heimerdinger considered, ‘shoe on the other foot, would you forgive her?’

‘I dunno,’ she said. ‘Maybe... if she grovelled.’

With a groan, she dropped her pen and her head fell between her hands.

‘I know what you’re gonna say,’ she chuckled in despair, staring at the minuscule fibres of the neon pink post-it. ‘We’re all worthy of forgiveness, Jinx. Even weird goblins like you. And then, I’ll say, aww, Heimy, that’s so sweet, but we both know I’m a particularly gruesome case.’

Heimerdinger spared a gruff snicker for Jinx’s little show.

‘See, Heimy,’ she dropped the act as she continued. ‘Nobody forgives a Jinx.’

‘I’m not so sure that’s true,’ he countered. ‘Perhaps if you gave Caitlyn the opportunity, the outcome would surprise you.’

‘Yeah. It’d be worse.’

‘You can’t know that Jinx, no one can,’ he said softly. ‘What’s stopping you from finding out, one way or the other?’

‘You’re the therapist; you tell me.’

‘Psychiatrist,’ he corrected.

‘Same diff.’

‘What’s stopping you, Jinx?’ He repeated the question, pressing for a non-sarcastic answer.

‘Duh,’ she huffed. ‘I’m terrified.’

‘What might you lose?’

Nothing. Everything.

‘Or, conversely, what might you stand to gain?’

What might she gain…? What did she even want to gain?

It was pointless. She and Caitlyn would never have worked, not with all their history. Better to write her off as a stranger and get on with her life.

Except, she couldn’t. At all. Three fucking months since their night together and she hadn’t gotten on with a single fucking thing.

‘Relationships are a daunting voyage to embark upon,’ Heimerdinger pondered. ‘There are few things in life more painful than rejection, romantic or otherwise, and yet it’s part of the human experience to pine for such connections… to pine for the things, the people, that have the power to hurt us most.’

‘Ya don’t say, doc,’ she retorted. ‘Maybe I should become a nun, y’know? Embrace an alternative lifestyle… Get all spiritual, or whatever… Could be fun.’

An idea sparked. She picked up her pen and began drawing a cartoon nun in one of those black and white robes with the weird hats. What were those called, again? Winkles?

Wimples!

‘Mm-hmm,’ Heimerdinger hummed and twitched his nose, jotted something else down in his notebook. He always did that. ‘And might this… alternative lifestyle you speak of… simply be another mode of avoidance?’

‘Of fucking course, it is,’ Jinx snorted mid-sketch. ‘But what else am I supposed to do? Join the circus? Go travelling? Always wanted to see Demacia, I guess. Or Ionia, maybe. Could be kinda perfect, actually. I don’t know a soul in Ionia… well, I used to, but he’s probably in an asylum by now.’ She looked up at Heimerdinger and beamed. ‘Whaddaya say, Heimy? Could be a fresh start, right?’

He smiled, unconvinced.

‘Ah, but no…’ She shook her head. ‘They don’t have cuties like you in Ionia, do they?’

‘Jinx—’

‘I know, I know,’ she pouted. ‘It’s inappropriate to call you cute. Sorry.’

‘Apology accepted, thank you,’ he said, a little flustered. ‘But I was also going to remind you that issues like these aren’t so easily outrun. You can’t escape how you feel, Jinx. You need to face it.’

‘Okay, but short of getting wasted every day and moving to Ionia, I don’t know how to do that.’

‘All in good time,’ he assured. ‘You’ll get there if you do the work.’

‘Right. The work…’ She etched droopy brows and an upside-down smile onto the tiny nun. ‘All that fun work.’

‘There’s no rush,’ he said. ‘Most of the effort lies in showing up and talking with me. You’ve made a lot of progress.’

‘I had. Before.’

She scribbled over what she had drawn, turning the nun into a black void.

‘It’s not undone, Jinx. Progress doesn’t disappear after one hurdle.’

Jinx disappeared from therapy.

The next fortnight came and went, and she didn’t show up. Nor for the session after that, nor the session after that. If she could’ve forced herself to go, she would’ve, but every time she tried, her body disobeyed.

After that last session, something within her dislodged and burst the dam. The numbness she’d grown accustomed to became infected. It left a raw and gaping wound. She felt everything. Every tiny, torturous thing. She couldn’t confront it, couldn’t stand to talk about it anymore. If not for her daily dose of antipsychotics, she might’ve done something seriously stupid.

She just needed some time. A break from reality.

Three more months passed.

Without Heimerdinger, she had no outlet for the pain and guilt she carried around. Not just for the Caitlyn and Vi shit storm she’d created for herself, but for every mistake she’d ever made. Every person she’d ever hurt. There were too many. She couldn’t even name them all.

She sat in her apartment with her countless, nameless ghosts for company. She fed them, and they mutated beneath her skin like the larvae of a botfly, waiting to hatch and tear their way out of her.

She would’ve done anything to make them shut up, to stop feeling them move within her. Anything to get out of her head. Her nerves were fried, her brain a mess of wires she couldn’t untangle. Couldn’t wade through.

The nightmares returned, as did her old habit of supplementing her prescribed medication with shimmer to pick her up, fade to knock her out, and sex with anyone who’d have her.

Just when she thought she couldn’t feel any worse, her supply of extracurricular drugs ran dry. All she had left was weed. No more potions to help the time pass.

Fuck.

Antsy for Dustin to arrive with the goods, she trudged down to her building’s lobby, not caring to change out of her days-old pyjamas or brush out her matted braids. While she waited, she stared in a daze at the security door that led outside. The summer sun shone bright and hot, stinging her bleary eyes. She blinked away and focused elsewhere.

A pile of mail had built up in her letterbox; she hadn’t checked it in at least a few weeks. As she shuffled over to empty the overflowing pigeonhole, a tap on the door lured her away.

Dustin. Finally.

She jumped with glee and skipped across the stained linoleum floor, pressed the big green button that read ‘push to open.’ He greeted her with a sleazy grin and held up the bag of treats.

‘M’lady,’ he winked.

With a grin and a shiver of anticipation, she snatched the much-needed gear from his clutches and passed him a roll of cash. He briefly counted it and stuffed it into the pocket of his oversized hoodie.

‘Wanna come up and hang for a bit?’ She offered, not even trying to flirt. No need to expend the energy; he’d get the picture. They’d fooled around a bunch of times before.

‘Huh,’ he snickered and looked her up and down. ‘Another time.’

‘Busy day?’

‘Something like that,’ he said. ‘Later, Jinx. Have fun.’

He flipped her a peace sign and strode away. Whatever. His loss. The bounty she’d just bought was all she wanted, anyhow.

She squealed and turned back inside, stuffed the pile of letters into the bag and ran back up to her apartment with a new lease of life. Once inside with the door locked, she dug her pinkie finger into one of the baggies of glittering fuchsia shimmer and snorted the powder collected under her nail.

Fuck, she’d missed that rush. There was no feeling like it.

She spun around in an inelegant pirouette, giggling as her brain tingled and simmered. Soon, she’d be ablaze, ready to take on the world. Well, her demons, anyway.

She tossed the loot onto the coffee table and flopped giddily onto the sofa. The pile of letters eyed her, ready to be flicked through and organised. Maybe crafted into origami butterflies...

Humming a jaunty tune, she made a start: bills, bills, junk, bills, junk… Ooh, a baby pink envelope! Was it her birthday soon? She would’ve remembered that, right? What month was it?

As she opened it up and peaked inside, her heart spiked.

A pretty, floral invitation stared up at her, and there, written in fancy cursive, was the most bizarre collection of words she’d ever read:

Jinx De Sousa,

We cordially invite you to the wedding

of

Violet Atlas McNeill and Seraphine Song.

Her sister and her ex were getting married.

MARRIED.

Was she hallucinating?

What the fuck was going on?

Since when were they even dating? Last she knew, Seraphine had sworn herself to celibacy after one too many broken hearts (at least one of which was, admittedly, Jinx’s fault), and Vi was still in denial and refusing to sign the divorce papers. How the fuck had all of that changed in half a year?

Her limbs vibrated; teeth chattered. She slapped herself across the cheek and took another bump of shimmer.

She didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or scream or tear her hair out at the fucked-up karma of it all. Of course, Vi and Seraphine were together. After what she and Caitlyn did, it was only fair that the universe pulled such a twisted move.

But still, Vi and Seraphine, really? How did they meet? They didn’t even like the same places or activities. Sure, the lesbian community in Zaun and Piltover wasn’t huge, but there must’ve been some kind of outside influence that made them cross paths. A mutual friend, maybe?

Vi stayed at Ekko’s after the split. Were Ekko and Seraphine still friends? Could he have introduced them?

She considered texting him to find out, but then he’d try to make conversation and ask how she was and blah, blah, blah… She couldn’t handle Ekko’s concern right now. He had an uncanny knack of getting her to open up. Similar to Heimy in that way. Probably why he was her best friend. Definitely why she couldn’t stomach the thought of talking to him in her current state.

The questions wouldn’t stop bombarding her brain, fuelled by the shimmer. It had hit her harder than anticipated. She lit a joint to take the edge off the overstimulation.

After a deep breath and an even deeper toke, she realised what she had to do. For the first time in forever, she called her sister.

‘Powder!?’ Vi exclaimed as soon as she answered.

The choice of name made Jinx wince. Hearing Vi’s voice after so long felt like a dream, or one of her nightmares. She couldn’t decide. Maybe both.

‘Powder, is that really you? Are you okay? Are you in trouble?’

‘It’s Jinx,’ she corrected.

‘Right. Fuck—’ Vi cursed under her breath, telling herself off for the blunder.

Good. It was thoughtless.

‘Anyway, I’m fine,’ Jinx said, her tone slipping into little sister mode. ‘You don’t need to worry, I just, um…’ She tilted her head and stared sideways at the invitation strewn across the coffee table. ‘I got the invite.’

‘Oh, you did?’ Vi didn’t sound too thrilled. ‘Just now? Serrie sent them out like a month ago.’

Serrie? Ew.

‘It’s me, Vi,’ Jinx scoffed, half-regretting the call already. ‘I never check my mail.’

‘Right, of course you don’t,’ Vi conceded. ‘It’s all paperless and online nowadays.’

‘Yeahhhhh…’ Jinx flashed an exaggerated grimace for no one’s benefit but her own. ‘I don’t check online shit either.’

‘What? What about—’ Vi sighed heavily.

Jinx pictured her gripping the bridge of her nose and counting down from ten to calm herself, an old tactic from their childhood. A rogue giggle escaped her.

‘Heh, y’know what, doesn’t matter,’ Vi followed up. She definitely did the nose thing. ‘I’m just glad you’ve seen it. Finally.’

‘Yep,’ Jinx forced. ‘Finally.’

‘Serrie’ll be pleased, too,’ Vi said. ‘She was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna R.S.V.P.’

‘Oh, she was?’ Jinx mocked.

‘Yeah, she’s, uh… she’s excited, y’know. I mean, we both are.’

‘Uh huh. Very excitable, our Serrie.’

‘Right. She is.’

…

‘Y’know what,’ Vi erupted into the awkward silence. ‘Now that I’ve got you on the phone, Serrie would kill me if I didn’t invite you to our party this weekend.’

‘Party?’

‘Our engagement party,’ Vi stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

‘You’re having an engagement party?’ Jinx balked, almost choking on her latest hit. ‘You? You hate parties.’

‘Well, they’re not my favourite,’ Vi conceded. ‘But you know Serrie. Any excuse to celebrate.’

‘So, we’re not sidestepping the fact that I know her then? Like know her, know her.’

‘Pow…’ Vi sighed. ‘Jinx.’

‘At long fucking last.’

‘Please don’t make a big thing of this. You and Serrie barely dated.’

‘Oh, is that the party line?’ Jinx scolded. ‘What about Caitlyn?’

She regretted it the second the question left her lips. Idiot.

‘Cait’s in the past,’ Vi said. ‘Actually, it was Serrie who helped me get over myself and sign those fricking papers. She and Ekko really kicked my ass into gear, y’know.’

‘So, you met through Ekko, as suspected.’

‘…I think Cait could’ve kissed her for that,’ Vi chuckled, not seeming to have heard Jinx’s comment about Ekko.

‘Ah, well. That was supposed to stay in my head, anyway.’

‘What?’ Vi asked, confused.

‘Wait!’ Jinx accidentally yelled as her mind barrelled into another question. ‘So, Cait knows about all this?’

‘Of course.’

‘And she’s okay with it?’

‘Of course,’ Vi insisted. ‘Why the hell wouldn’t she be?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, because it’s so sudden!?’

‘Not really,’ Vi said. ‘We’ve both moved on. We’re uh… trying to be friends now.’

‘Friends?’ Jinx couldn’t believe a word of it. ‘You’re trying to be friends? You and Cait? Caitlyn Kiramman, the woman you fucking obsessed over for almost a decade.’

‘It was six years.’

‘Whatever,’ Jinx rebuffed. ‘How the fuck are the two of you ever going to be friends? Why does she have to stay in your life? Can’t you just cut her out?’ Between breaths, she inhaled another bump. Sniffed and wiped her nose. ‘How’re you going to be someone else’s wife with Cait in your life, Vi?’

It felt wrong. Broken.

‘Why would you cling to a person who left you and hurt you like that?’ She raged, untethered. ‘You haven’t moved on at all. You’ve just replaced marriage with friendship. That’s not moving on.’

‘Well, we still love each other,’ Vi explained. ‘We still want to be a part of each other’s lives. People stay friends with exes all the time. Or lesbians do, at least.’

‘Oh, other lesbians do it, so that means you have to? Grow a fucking backbone, Vi.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You seriously want Cait in your life after all the shit she put you through?’ Jinx tumbled into a full-scale rant. ‘She broke your heart. Fucking destroyed you! She forced you to sleep on Ekko’s shitty little couch while she kept the house by the Pilt. And she put you through hell when you were married, too. Always dragging you to all those fancy functions with weird food and overpriced champagne, and all those judgy fucking snot-nosed socialites who saw you as good-for-nothing-trencher-trash, not worthy of breathing the same air as them.’

She rubbed a lick more shimmer into her gums. Sucked them clean.

‘Jinx, I—’

‘Cait fucking suffocated you with all that Piltie well-to-do crap,’ she continued, relentless, ‘and you let her because you loved her, and then that bitch had the audacity to stop loving you! You seriously want someone like that as a friend!?’

‘That’s not the full story, and you know it.’

‘Oh, I know,’ she jibed. ‘I gave you the abridged version. The full story is much worse.’

‘You’ve got it wrong,’ Vi urged. ‘Caitlyn was good to me, Jinx. She was amazing in so many ways, but… we were too different. Oil and water. Not because we came from opposite sides of the bridge, we just… don’t think in the same way, y’know. We’re not on the same wavelength.’

‘Well, duh! You’re not a pretentious fucking Mary Sue.’

‘Look, I know you never liked her, but come on. Cait’s a good person, you know that.’

‘Nope!’

Jinx’s jittering legs forced her to her feet. She paced around the coffee table, rubbing her neck harsh enough to irritate the skin.

‘Anyway, Jinx, I, uh… I should go,’ Vi said, dejected. ‘Can I count you in for the party?’

‘Is Cait gonna be there?’

‘She’s invited, so, maybe,’ Vi admitted. ‘But it’s gonna be a big party at Serrie’s parents’ place. You know that huge mansion they have?’

‘It’s a four-bedroom house with a pool out back,’ Jinx spat. ‘Not exactly a mansion, but whatever.’

‘Anyway, even if she does end up coming, you won’t necessarily have to see her,’ Vi continued. ‘I just… I’d really appreciate it if you came. Serrie would too.’

‘I’ll think about it.’

‘You will? You promise?’

‘Thinking doesn’t mean going, Vi.’

‘I know, but still.’

‘Text me the info and I’ll see what I can pull out of my ass.’

She rolled her eyes at her sister’s eagerness. It made her want to hide away forever and never see Vi, or anyone else, ever again.

‘Perfect.’

Jinx swore she could hear Vi grinning down the phone. Ugh.

‘I don’t have to bring a gift, do I?’

‘Well, Serrie says it’s customary,’ Vi replied. ‘But y’know I don’t care about that stuff. You showing up would be better than any gift.’

Out of nowhere, and despite her best intentions, Jinx almost cried. Fuck. How could Vi have said something so sentimental without warning her first? And when she was already in such a volatile state!?

‘Sweet,’ she said, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. ‘That’ll save me a couple bucks then.’

‘Right.’

‘…right.’

A door slammed shut in the background of the call, and a floaty feminine voice trilled ‘I’m baaaacckkk!’

‘Ah, Serrie’s home,’ Vi clarified. ‘I gotta go.’

‘Yeah. Okay. Wifey duties.’

She couldn’t lie; it wasn’t okay. She felt a pang of hatred towards Seraphine for somehow stealing Vi away from her. Illogical bullshit, she reminded herself. But it stung to leave their conversation on such an abrupt note, and if Seraphine hadn’t been there to interrupt, well…

‘And Jinx, I uh…’ Vi’s rasp tinged with desperation. ‘Thanks for calling.’

‘…sure,’ she croaked.

‘See you soon, I hope.’

‘Right. Soon.’

With that, the line went dead.

Jinx’s pacing stilled and she crashed back to the sofa. Screamed into the cushion.

She had to go, didn’t she? Vi had invited her. Vi wanted her to go.

At least she had enough drugs to see her through whatever hell awaited her there.

Chapter Text

Jinx’s last words lingered in Caitlyn’s mind. She replayed the scene in that bed over and over and over.

I’m bad enough for you already.

Bad? In what sense?

Did Jinx feel like a bad person because of her past?

Caitlyn didn’t know the full story, but from what Vi told her, Jinx led a far darker life beyond the foster home than either of them could’ve fathomed. Vi had Vander, a gruff man-giant with the squishy insides of a teddy bear. But Jinx? Jinx had Silco, Zaun’s most infamous Chembaron, a man with the face and killer instinct of a rabid shark. He plucked her out from obscurity and made her his daughter. His Jinx.

What kinds of things did he enlist her to do? Had she acted willingly, or did he coerce her? Caitlyn didn’t dare speculate.

Either way, Jinx must’ve harboured guilt for her part in his business. All those lives, young and old, lost. Ravaged by shimmer and the gang warfare involved in producing and selling it. Years later, some parts of Zaun still hadn’t recovered, and nor had Jinx.

That same protective impulse Caitlyn felt in the corridor of Jinx’s apartment building swelled in her gut. Made her queasy with concern. She hated Silco.

But Jinx knew Caitlyn didn’t hold her past against her, right? For all their spats and bad blood, Jinx had to know.

If not the past, what else could Jinx have meant to shield her from? Had she forgotten something, some vital piece of evidence?

Just go… Go home, Cait.

What made Jinx so determined to push her away? The potential fallout of Vi finding out? They’d covered that; they could both keep a secret. What other reason was there?

Entitled. Jinx said it with conviction, intended to harm. Demanding an apology was entitled of you.

It felt like a blade aimed straight at Caitlyn’s throat, forcing her to scrutinise herself.

Was she entitled? Probably, in some respects, given her background. But expecting an apology for being tossed aside was no act of entitlement. Caitlyn knew her worth. That didn’t make her entitled.

Then there were her own indecipherable words. Things said she didn’t mean.

I don’t care.

A blatant lie woven from her pain. She’d intended harm, too. Neither of them was innocent in this.

I’m done.

Done? With what? Had they started something?

Maybe…

Maybe Jinx just didn’t like her. Maybe the night they’d shared was just sex, fuelled by alcohol and familiar, flirtatious contempt. Once it ended, Jinx wanted nothing more to do with her. And why would she? They had nothing more to offer each other than their bodies.

Weeks without answers turned into months. Four months, one week and two days.

Between nonstop work and restless nights, she met with Jayce for a drink at one of their favourite bars in the heart of Piltover. Anything to distract her from the dull, disconcerting itch of missing Jinx.

Craving someone she had once barely tolerated was a new brand of torture. Add her bitter confusion about how things ended to the mix, and well, Caitlyn wasn’t having a fun time.

Jayce was chipper, as usual. Painfully so. But he did most of the talking and had agreed to foot the bill. Could’ve been worse.

She quelled the constant ache in her chest with a stream of gin and tonics, as he droned on about the last couple of months of his life. He’d secured funding from the council for his tech company’s latest project. A venture into prosthetic limbs which Caitlyn understood very little of, despite Jayce’s thorough and frequent explanations.

Science had never been her thing; more of an English and History kind of person. Tangible lived experiences and the heart of the human condition spoke to her far more than statistics and hypotheses ever could. She had some basic forensic knowledge needed for her work, but that was it.

What would Jinx make of Jayce and Viktor’s work? Would she find it interesting? Ground-breaking? Would she and Viktor squabble over the best methods for maximum results? She’d certainly understand it all a heck of a lot better than Caitlyn.

Anyway, she’d strayed off topic. Blame the gin.

When Jayce found out about the funding, Viktor kissed him on the cheek right there in the lab in front of Skye and their other assistants. A rare, sweet moment of PDA amidst all the excitement. Jayce relished in that part of the story, skimmed over the funding just so he could tell her that his extremely private boyfriend had kissed him at work.

It was cute and it pissed her off. She loved Jayce and Viktor, but she didn’t want to hear a single word about how happy they were together. Not after… everything.

‘Come on, Jayce,’ she half-teased, half-reprimanded. ‘This is a new level of gloating, even for you.’

‘I’m not gloating,’ Jayce denied with a small grin. ‘Just sharing my news with my best friend.’

‘Oh, please.’

They went on like that for a while. Jayce sharing, then over-sharing as the alcohol hit, while Caitlyn nodded along with a drink in her hand, mocking him at regular intervals. It was nice. Quality friendship time.

The evening dwindled, they said their goodbyes and parted ways, and she was alone. Again.

Would she spend every night alone? Would she ever meet someone who made her as insufferable as Jayce and Viktor were together?

Jinx’s bed. Blue hair cascading like a waterfall. Smoke trails etched into biteable skin. Hands and tongue dragging out shrill, melodic moans.

The loud vibrations of her phone receiving a text.

Oh, wait, that was real.

She groaned, desperate to return to the world behind her eyes.

Her phone screen’s harsh light made her squint. She dimmed the brightness all the way down and read the message. From Vi, of all people.

If the universe had any respect for Caitlyn at all, Vi had finally signed those divorce papers.

She read on:

Hey, Cait. Sorry I’ve been a dick. If you’ve got a spare hour today, could we meet? Or if you’re at work, name a time and place and I’m there, okay? I’ve signed the papers and I’d like to meet in person to give them to you.

And again, I’m sorry.

Caitlyn read the message a few more times. She couldn’t believe it. Those words had really been sent. From Vi. To Caitlyn.

It all read true to form, apart from the apology. And the name. Ten months since they separated, and a part of Caitlyn still expected Vi to call her Cupcake. How stupid was that?

She didn’t want to meet on such short notice, but she had no choice. Vi was like a wild horse; couldn’t risk spooking her.

She replied:

Thank you, Vi. I know it takes a lot for you to say sorry, so I appreciate it. I’m due at the station today, but we can do lunch if you’d like.

Her response might have erred on the side of passive aggressive, but it was the kindest she could muster.

Lunch was… an experience.

Vi showed up late, hungover, and with another woman. Her girlfriend. Seraphine, or Serrie, had hair the colour of Pepto-Bismol and the face of a doe with no survival instinct, traipsing carefree through a forest in the middle of hunting season. Most egregious of all, they were smitten with each other. They called each other babe and hun and cutie and couldn’t stop touching. Hands, shoulders, knees beneath the table; it was all up for grabs.

Caitlyn seethed, picking at the Caesar salad she’d ordered before they arrived, while they perused the menu. She had twenty minutes before she had to go back to work, and they were acting like they were on fucking holiday.

Any sane, rational person would’ve ditched, left them with the bill, and demanded to meet Vi alone some other time. Instead, she dug her heels in. Literally dug the heels of her boots into the restaurant’s carpet.

‘You used to get the burger,’ she snapped. ‘Just get the bloody burger, Vi.’

‘Burger?’ Seraphine winced. It was the first thing she’d said since Vi had introduced her. ‘As in beef?’

‘Oh, yeah,’ Vi glanced up from the menu with an amused grunt. ‘Serrie’s vegan.’

‘Vegan?’ Caitlyn didn’t mean to sound derisive, but the idea of Vi dating a vegan when she ate approximately six chickens a day was beyond a joke.

‘Since she was nine. Huh, babe?’ Vi channelled all her warmth and affection into a killer grin, only this time Caitlyn wasn’t the target.

Rightly or wrongly, it bothered her. The whole scenario bothered her. After years of Vi putting her first, she’d been demoted to third wheel. The divorce was her own doing, but it chafed.

Seraphine blushed at the attention. Nodded right on cue.

Must’ve felt strange for her, sat across the table from Vi’s soon-to-be ex-wife. Although, she didn’t have to be there, did she? She certainly wasn’t supposed to be.

‘Sorry, um…’ Caitlyn cleared her throat, preparing for the impact of her question. ‘Vi, I have to ask. Why isn’t it just the two of us today?’

Vi and Seraphine gave each other a look, fleeting but wholly revealing; the look of two people teetering on the cusp of something life-changing and impulsive. Their faces bloomed with the same joy and subdued, mind-numbing terror she’d worn the first time she shot a gun.

Naturally, she scanned their fingers for signs of an engagement ring. Both sets of hands were under the table, out of sight.

Interrogation, or flat-out denial? Which tactic would she employ?

‘Never mind; Seraphine’s more than welcome, of course,’ she said. The coward’s route, but also the quickest way out of there. ‘Vi, did you bring the papers?’

‘Sure did.’ Vi withdrew a large white envelope from her backpack. ‘Signed and fricking sealed.’

She squeezed Seraphine’s forearm with unabashed glee, eliciting a shy giggle. Never did learn the art of discretion, that one. It felt like they wanted Caitlyn to ask. Just ask.

‘Next stop: delivery,’ Vi confirmed. Nervously bit her lip.

‘Perfect,’ Caitlyn smiled but wanted to scowl.

She refused to ask them. If those two idiots were engaged with the ink still wet on the divorce, more fool them and she wished them well, but it had nothing to do with her. Nothing.

Vi raised an expectant brow, pushing Caitlyn closer and closer to breaking point.

‘Anyway…’ She scooped up the precious envelope and let out the fakest sigh she’d ever heard. ‘So sorry, but I’ve got to get back to work.’ Stood and flung her handbag over her shoulder. So close. The exit was so fucking close. ‘Lovely meeting you, Seraphine.’

‘Caitlyn, wait!’ Two steps towards the door were all it took for Vi to crumble. Her urgent tone told Caitlyn all she needed to know. ‘There’s something we need to tell you.’

Against her will, she turned back, and Seraphine revealed the diamond engagement ring on her finger.

‘Fucking hell.’ Caitlyn sighed into her wine, fogging up the glass. Downed the last few drops. ‘I think I’m still a bit in shock.’

She’d headed to Jayce and Viktor’s apartment in upper-west Piltover the second she clocked off, which was… a while ago. A quick catch-up in the kitchen spiralled into hours of venting. She never did this, but between the whole divorce debacle, the night spent with Jinx, and Vi’s abrupt engagement, she needed a friend.

‘Refill?’ Viktor offered, fresh bottle of Rosé in hand as he pre-emptively picked up her empty glass.

‘Amazing,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

He poured until she gestured for him to stop, handed the glass back to her with a smile, then leant back on his crutches.

‘Maybe make that your last,’ Jayce hinted.

He had his back to them both while he chopped up a selection of vegetables for the coming days’ meal prep, ears pricked. Primed and ready to interject with the least helpful comment possible.

After almost two decades of friendship, she didn’t even have to look at him to see the smug expression on his face. He really thought he’d just told a joke.

‘This,’ she bit back, ‘from the man who can’t even remember last year’s Progress Day because he blacked out on Zaunian moonshine.’ Her next sip went down like a dream. Like victory.

‘She has a point.’ Viktor took her side over Jayce’s, like always.

‘If you say so,’ Jayce tutted. ‘I think she’s had enough, though.’

‘She?’ Caitlyn objected. ‘I’m right here.’

With a huff, Jayce turned to face her, hands on his hips like he was about to tell her off.

‘Sorry,’ he said, no ounce of remorse on display. ‘If I’m honest, I’m a little sick of tonight’s depression bingo, okay?’

‘Wow,’ she smarted. ‘Depression bingo? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?’

‘You’re struggling,’ Jayce said. ‘I get that. But sitting here complaining about it all won’t change anything, Cait. It’s just bumming us out.’

‘Jayce,’ Viktor chastised his boyfriend, employing a subtle yet damning head tilt. ‘Speak for yourself.’

‘I just…’ Jayce hung his head. ‘I like Vi, y’know? I’m happy for her. I think this engagement is good news.’

‘Now’s not the time to play devil’s advocate,’ Viktor warned. ‘Cait’s hurting. Let it be, for now.’

‘Thanks, Vik,’ she said, relieved that he had her back. ‘And Jayce, look, I am happy for her. Mostly. It just seems so quick. Can you imagine marrying someone you’ve known for such a short time? I don’t get it. What’s the rush? Why can’t they date for a while first? Properly get to know each other… Vi can be so reckless sometimes.’

‘Agreed,’ Jayce replied. ‘But if this is what she wants, we have to respect that. Vik?’

He gave a reluctant nod of agreement. ‘It’s not our business.’

‘Exactly.’ Jayce shot her a pointed glare. ‘Not our business.’

They were right, of course. It wasn’t their business. Still felt like Caitlyn’s, though. Like it was her responsibility to stop Vi from making a huge mistake. To protect. Out of love, or residual loyalty, or habit.

She wanted to call Vi up then and there and demand a thorough pros and cons list for the engagement. But she couldn’t. Dug her nails into her palms to suppress the urge. No matter how much it felt like a problem she needed to solve, it wasn’t her place. Caitlyn had no more business meddling in Vi’s life than Jayce or Viktor.

‘Fine,’ she conceded with a gulp. Stared down at the countertop to avoid their eyes.

‘But, uh, I don’t know, maybe…’ Viktor cheekily bobbed his head side to side and moved his hands to match, mimicking a pendulum weighing a decision.

‘What?’

‘I don’t think I want to say it,’ he teased.

‘Spit it out,’ Caitlyn demanded.

‘Yeah,’ Jayce agreed and swigged a mouthful of beer. ‘Can’t be worse than what I said.’

They both snickered at Jayce’s brief moment of self-awareness.

‘Okay,’ Viktor began. ‘Well, Cait, your love life isn’t our business either, so please, tell me to fuck off if you’d like.’

‘…but?’

‘But,’ he continued, ‘I was thinking that, uh, maybe now with the divorce signed off, Vi getting engaged, blah, blah, blah…’ There was that pendulum again, swinging off its axis. ‘Maybe, uh… maybe it’s time for you to dip your pretty toes in the pool again, huh?’

‘You think she’s ready?’ Jayce asked.

‘Think you could ask her that question?’ She snarked.

Sarcasm hid a multitude of sins. Primarily, the fact that she’d already entered the metaphorical pool for a swim. With Jinx.

She sipped more wine and hoped they wouldn’t notice how guilty she looked.

‘Oh, okay.’ Viktor narrowed his eyes, examining her. ‘So, you’ve dipped more than a toe.’

Shame cloyed at her throat. She drank more wine.

‘What?’ Jayce’s laughter echoed through the large kitchen. ‘And you didn’t tell us? Who is she?’

‘You don’t know her,’ she said.

Not a lie, per se. Jayce had met Jinx but only once or twice, always in passing, and she couldn’t think of a single instance with Viktor. Of course, there may have been times without her present, but that was unlikely. Vi inherited Jayce and Viktor’s friendship from Caitlyn. The three of them didn’t hang out unless she was involved. At least, not before the divorce. But after the divorce didn’t count because Jinx and Vi weren’t on speaking terms and—

God, she needed to stop overthinking. Her hook-up with her ex-wife’s sister remained secret. That was all that mattered.

‘I don’t know,’ Viktor teased. ‘You’re blushing.’ He flicked Jayce a grin. ‘Think we know her?’

‘You don’t,’ she insisted. ‘It’s just hot in here.’

‘Aircon’s on,’ Jayce said, deadpan.

‘Cait, y’know what,’ Viktor proffered. ‘Whoever it is, making you blush like that, I’m pleased for you.’

‘There’s honestly no one,’ she said, patience fraying at the seams. ‘Look, I… I had a one-night stand, okay?’

‘Wow!’ Jayce pounced. ‘Little Miss Commitment had a one-night stand!? Did you also get a lobotomy?’

‘Ignore the wind-up,’ Viktor said. ‘I’m… assuming you… enjoyed it? Just, uh, based on your expression.’

‘My expression?’ She fixed her eyes on Viktor, avoiding Jayce’s taunting grin in her periphery.

‘You blushed like you were… maybe reliving it a bit.’

‘Oh.’

She didn’t know what to say. Viktor was too astute and knew her too well. She couldn’t pretend with him.

‘You’re probably right,’ she admitted. ‘It was a great night.’

‘But…?’

‘But then it wasn’t.’

‘How so?’

She stared into her wine and shrugged. Her limbs drained of all energy, resting heavy where she stood. The urge to sleep crept upon her. She could’ve slumped onto the couch so easily. Or fled her friends altogether, fetched a cab home. Anything to stop talking about that fucking night.

‘You don’t have to tell us,’ Viktor comforted.

‘No, no, I’d like to know,’ Jayce said, baring his teeth like a mama bear about to defend her cubs. ‘Did this woman hurt you, Caitlyn? You know, Mel’s on the council and you’re an enforcer; nobody hurts you and gets away with it.’

‘For fuck sake, Jayce, no, nothing like that.’ Exhaustion cracked her voice. ‘Anyway, no matter what happens to me, please never include Mel fucking Medarda in your little revenge fantasy. I already have a mother who wishes that woman was her daughter; I don’t need her replacing me as your best friend, too.’

Jayce’s expression shifted back into mockery mode. Anger lurked behind his eyes, but he seemed convinced by her plea.

‘Aww, you think she hasn’t already?’ He joked. ‘How cute.’

‘Jayce.’ She tensed. ‘I swear, I will hurl this glass at your head.’

‘We have matching t-shirts and everything.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Okay, but seriously,’ he pressed. ‘Have you got a problem with Mel?’

‘I don’t know. I get a weird energy from her. And her politics are just—’

‘What?’ That rage of his flared up again, directed at her this time. ‘Idealistic? She’s advocating for peace, Cait.’

‘I know exactly what Mel’s advocating for,’ she said. ‘My problem is understanding why it matters to her. What’s her angle?’

‘Her angle? Is caring about the wellbeing of a city and its people not enough of an angle for you?’

‘Don’t get defensive, Jayce,’ she tutted, knowing full well it would rile him up further. ‘I’m just expressing my opinion.’

‘Your wrong opinion.’

‘Agree to disagree,’ she said, and turned to Viktor with a sigh. ‘More wine?’

‘In the fridge,’ Viktor said, frowning slightly. ‘You don’t like Mel, Cait?’ He looked sad, like a wounded puppy in one of those charity adverts. ‘Everyone likes Mel.’

‘Exactly.’ She sloped over to the fridge with a sneer. Fetched the wine and plonked it on the countertop. ‘Mel Medarda knows how to play people.’ She listened to the satisfying glug of the wine as it sloshed into the glass. ‘I guarantee she’s a complete cow beneath all those false smiles and promises of progress.’

‘Oh, you guarantee?’ Viktor gave a small, devious smile, like he was plotting something. ‘Because you know her so well?’

‘I’m allowed to not like the people you like,’ she said.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘She likes you, though.’

‘…what?’

‘Yeah. She thinks you’re… What was it?’ Viktor cast his mind back. Tapped his glass to his chin, drumming the handle of his crutch with his spare hand. ‘Charming, and… Ah. Intriguing.’

‘She does? Why? We’ve barely said two words to each other.’

‘Might that be why?’

Viktor made a good point, but Caitlyn’s confusion deepened.

‘What’re you getting at here?’

‘Geez,’ Jayce shook his head in dismay. ‘For someone who graduated top of her class, you sure can be dense sometimes.’

‘What? What’re you both talking about?’

‘Mel likes you, Cait.’ He spoke in slow motion, enunciating each syllable. ‘And I don’t mean she wants to be friends.’

The mere suggestion nearly made her spit out her wine with a cackle. Mel wasn’t queer… was she? Caitlyn would’ve known. Would’ve sensed it somehow. Right!?

‘It’s true,’ Viktor stated. ‘She’s bisexual. Her and Shoola used to…’ He widened his eyes and raised his brow. ‘Oh, but that stays between us. She likes to be discreet.’

What? Mel Medarda had a sapphic affair with one of her fellow council members? Seriously?

‘Pah! As if!’

The following week, by some fluke, Mel Medarda joined the three of them for dinner. Slimy politician or not, she looked phenomenal. Her dark skin glowed in the candlelight as she glided into the restaurant. A cream satin slip dress skimmed her curves, offset by a delicate gold necklace and jet-black, flattering faux locs, interwoven with gold beads and rings. Caitlyn may not have liked Mel much as a person, but she couldn’t deny her striking beauty.

Trying not to stare, she peeled her eyes away. Met with Jayce and Viktor’s smug grins. Oh. The scheming couple had set them up. Treacherous bastards.

What did they think would happen? A few rounds of tequila shots and, hey presto, mutual lady lust? If Caitlyn didn’t like a woman, no matter how attractive they were, nothing would change her mind.

What happened with Jinx was a one-off.

Well, okay, it was more than that. A lot more. More than Caitlyn could afford to keep dwelling on.

Oh, for fuck sake. If she ended up sleeping with Mel in some pathetic attempt at getting over Jinx, Jayce and Viktor were dead men. She had training and access to firearms. They shouldn’t have messed with her.

‘Caitlyn,’ Mel chuckled in surprise as she took her seat at the table, directly opposite. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to be here.’ She eyed up the two men, suspicion afoot. ‘Looks like you both have some explaining to do.’

As if on cue, Jayce and Viktor laughed nervously.

‘Uh, well,’ Jayce began, ‘we didn’t think you’d agree to come if you knew—’

‘If I knew this was a double date?’ Mel beat him to the punch. ‘Don’t worry. I’ve had worse.’

To her credit, she seemed more amused than irritated. Caitlyn, meanwhile, couldn’t speak for fear of making a scene.

Being on the council, Mel had more experience with deception and poise, especially under the tutelage of Cassandra Kiramman. That woman hadn’t expressed a real emotion in at least fifteen years. Not since Caitlyn first raided her father’s secret stash of whisky and drunkenly confessed to liking women.

‘We figured you might like to get to know each other better,’ Viktor said, and shot Caitlyn a discreet, infuriating wink. ‘You’ve been vague acquaintances for… oh, how long?’

‘About five years now, right, Mel?’ Jayce played along. ‘Since you joined Cait’s mom on the council.’

They’d rehearsed this, hadn’t they?

‘Careful, Talis,’ Mel said. ‘You’ll make me feel old.’

‘Please,’ he scoffed. ‘Medardas don’t age. Just look at your mother.’

‘Ah, Ambessa,’ Viktor cut in. ‘How is she?’

Mel and Viktor, close friends that they apparently were, began chatting amongst themselves. Meanwhile, Caitlyn sulked. Yes, she was being rude, and no, she didn’t care.

God, her mother would’ve killed her. Good. If she died, she’d have a better evening.

How would Jinx act around someone like Mel…?

What would she think about Caitlyn on a double date? Would she feel jealous, or apathetic, like when Caitlyn stormed out of her apartment?

‘Cait,’ Jayce, sat next to her, elbowed her arm to get her attention. ‘Aren’t you going to say hi?’

Oh, he thought he was so bloody clever, didn’t he?

‘Wanker,’ she spoke under her breath for only him to hear.

He shook off the insult with a snicker and stretched an arm around her chair, leant in close to her ear.

‘Be nice,’ he whispered. ‘She likes you, remember.’

‘Doesn’t mean I have to like her back. And even if I did, how would that make it okay for you and Viktor to set up this… this pity date?’ She picked up her fork. Imagined stabbing him in the eye with it. ‘How tactful,’ she lamented. ‘Yes, pluck me a date from thin air, lest I remain single for a while. My knight in shining bloody armour. Whatever would I do without you?’

She realised after the fact that most of her little tirade came out full volume. Shit. Hopefully, Mel hadn’t heard.

‘Voice down,’ Jayce hissed.

Mel and Viktor’s conversation carried on without a hitch. Maybe the noise of the busy restaurant swallowed her words?

Or maybe not. On closer inspection, Mel’s smile drooped a little at the corners, while manicured fingers worried at the gold hoops threaded through her ears.

Guilt scorched Caitlyn’s cheeks. The last thing she wanted was for Mel to feel embarrassed. Jayce and Viktor had a lot to answer for. Her head spun with the ethics of it all.

She and Mel deserved better. They didn’t need this level of interference in their lives, especially not from a couple of well-intentioned, clueless men.

‘This isn’t a pity date,’ Jayce contrived. ‘Where did that idea even come from?’

‘Hmm, let’s see,’ she fumed, but kept her voice low so Mel couldn’t hear any further. ‘I’m thirty, single, and finalising a divorce to a woman who’s already engaged to someone else, like marriage is a game of bloody tag. That’s got pity written all over it.’

‘Cait,’ he softened. Gripped her hand in support. ‘Okay. I’m sorry. We obviously didn’t mean for you to interpret it that way. Vik and I thought this would be a fun night for you. No pity involved. I promise.’

‘…you do realise that apologising for how I’ve interpreted your actions isn’t an actual apology, right?’

‘Cait.’ His gentleness faded. ‘Come on. We’re all here to enjoy ourselves and you’re sulking like a moody teen.’

‘Funny,’ she spat. ‘I’m having a whale of a time.’

‘Wow. Your only child syndrome is shining tonight.’

‘Ditto.’

‘All I’m asking is that you stop being a brat for two minutes and give this date a chance. Mel’s great. You might have a good time.’

‘Maybe if you weren’t here bothering me, I would.’

‘Really? You’re that pissed off with us?’

‘Not at Viktor. Just you.’

‘What? Why? It was his idea as much as mine.’

‘So? He’s not the one badgering me about it.’

With a tut of disdain, Jayce pushed away from her and settled back into his corner of the table. Left to stew alone, she downed half her glass of wine in one.

Their frostiness finally drew Mel and Viktor’s attention. They stopped talking and looked straight at her. Jayce stared her down, too. There it was: scene, made.

‘Well…’ She attempted a smile. Tried to keep her hands and voice steady. ‘This is lovely. Not awkward at all.’

Across the table, Mel held herself in a fixed pose of grace and compassion. Straight spine; relaxed shoulders; hands neatly folded. Her eyes shone, alert and attentive, and a slight smile dimpled her cheeks.

Even under stress, the woman showed no flaws. They had to be there somewhere, lurking in the contours of her face, itching to reveal themselves. Caitlyn wanted to see. Just one, tiny defect to prove Mel was human. She didn’t ask for much.

‘Jayce? Viktor?’ Mel met Caitlyn’s eyes, then theirs. ‘Is what Caitlyn said true?’ Her rich brown irises blackened as her tone grew colder. ‘Is this a pity date?’

‘Uhhhhh…’ Viktor squinted and frowned like he’d just tasted something foul. ‘When did she say that?’

‘Just answer,’ Mel implored. ‘Be honest.’

‘Heh. Well. That’s not, uh… hmm… not how I’d put it…’

‘How would you put it?’ Caitlyn fired Viktor the most chilling glare in her arsenal.

‘Oh, come on,’ Jayce leapt to his boyfriend’s defence. ‘Pity has nothing to do with it.’

‘Nothing,’ Viktor reaffirmed. ‘We, uh… we spied an opportunity, that’s all.’

‘Makes you sound like crooks,’ Mel noted.

Caitlyn sniggered; she’d thought the same thing.

‘Well,’ Viktor sighed. ‘If we’re crooks, we… we broke the law in the name of finding love. Worth it, no?’

‘Nice try,’ Caitlyn scoffed. ‘But no.’

‘If I may?’ Mel kept her tone as measured as her body language. Looked each of them in the eye as she continued. ‘This is all far too messy for me. I don’t do complications, not when it comes to dating. Not anymore.’

Jayce and Viktor donned identical, knowing smiles. Whatever happened with Shoola must’ve done a number on her.

‘I think I’ll go; simplify things.’ Mel glanced back at Caitlyn. ‘If you could please keep this—whatever this was—to yourself, I’d be grateful. I like to keep my personal life personal. Especially with the council.’

A familiar fear distorted Mel’s features. Half a second and it disappeared, but Caitlyn knew it. She knew it like she knew her own name. Something she’d been born and raised with. Something she couldn’t escape from. That gnawing need to conform to the standards set out for her by family, society, everyone she met. The scalding terror of being her authentic self.

Mel Medarda was a professional, powerful woman, and she couldn’t risk jeopardising that for anything. Not even to live comfortably in her own skin. As a Kiramman, Caitlyn understood that conflict better than most.

In that moment, her perspective shifted. Fascinating, how one new piece of information about a person could alter her entire opinion of them.

‘Caitlyn?’ Anxiety bled through the cracks of Mel’s façade. ‘I need to know you won’t tell your mother about this.’

‘Don’t worry,’ she smiled in solidarity. ‘I won’t.’

Another shift occurred. She looked at Mel and didn’t want her to leave.

‘Stay?’ She asked. ‘Never mind the date thing. Stay. Have a drink. As friends?’

Mel tilted her head with a snicker; tempted.

‘You won’t regret it, Mel,’ Jayce piped up. That classic Talis smugness returned tenfold. ‘As crazy as it might sound, you two have a lot more in common than you think.’

‘We’re both mad at you right now,’ Caitlyn said. ‘Guess we must be soulmates. Are those wedding bells I hear? Maybe we can have a joint ceremony with Vi and Seraphine?’

‘Hilarious,’ Jayce grunted and slammed a fist into the table.

The cutlery on his and Caitlyn’s side of the table rattled. Viktor tried to withhold his amusement, but his eyes watered and bulged, fit to pop a blood vessel. Mel, however, didn’t hold back. She let out a glorious, wild, unfiltered laugh. Caitlyn followed her lead.

‘Oh, great,’ Jayce huffed. ‘So, you’re getting along at our expense now.’

‘At least they’re getting along,’ Viktor reasoned with him, and reached out across the table for his hand. Their fingers laced together. ‘Your round,’ he mouthed.

With the aura of a little boy being sent to sit on the naughty step, Jayce slouched over to the bar to order their second round of drinks. Caitlyn snickered as she watched him. Maybe that evening didn’t have to be a disaster after all?

Aside from her bisexuality, the first true, likeable thing Caitlyn learnt about Mel Medarda was her respect for people who spoke their minds and asserted themselves. She admired Caitlyn’s honesty about wanting friendship, even when it cost her comfort.

The second thing? Mel made Caitlyn laugh. As the wine flowed, her poised demeanour melted away to reveal an acerbic wit similar to Caitlyn’s own. Her wry jokes about the council, with all its prehistoric protocol and antiquated ideals, had Caitlyn in tears and nearly wetting herself.

And the third? Mel heard her. She focused on Caitlyn’s words rather than rushing to assumptions. Held Caitlyn’s hand when she stumbled onto a tangent about the stress of the divorce and her recent mental state.

There was so much more to Mel Medarda than her position on the council. Challenging and toxic relationships with mothers and lovers had profoundly affected both of them. They listened to each other. Related to each other. Comforted each other.

To Caitlyn’s disbelief, a true friendship bloomed. Mel’s company put her at ease in unexpected ways. So much so, she almost told her about Jinx.

Mel might’ve had some wisdom on the subject. Some words of advice to ease Caitlyn out of her slump. Her depression, as Jayce so lovingly put it. Mel could’ve listened and interpreted, relieved Caitlyn of the uncertainty and shame surrounding that night. Could’ve further dissected the situation and analysed the potential factors that led to Jinx’s shutdown. Could’ve helped Caitlyn understand.

She needed to understand.

In the end, as much as she wanted to, she didn’t mention it. Kept Jinx and those endless questions safely tucked away. It was a private pain, too intimate to share with anyone else.

Mel couldn’t have fixed it, anyway, but her company acted as a salve. A temporary relief.

After several hours of council gossip and skirting around the hole in Caitlyn’s heart, the four of them stepped out into the balmy summer night. Jayce and Viktor hailed a cab in a matter of seconds; a flagrant last-ditch attempt at kindling romance between the two women. As their taxi pulled away from the kerb, Caitlyn waved them off with a fake smile and flipped them her middle finger.

‘I’m this way,’ Mel said, leaning her head slightly left.

‘Oh, um…’ Caitlyn floundered.

What did Mel mean? Did she want Caitlyn to join her? What could she say to let her new friend down gently?

‘Caitlyn, I like you…’

Shit.

‘We’ve had a lovely evening,’ Mel continued with a fond, knowing smile.

Shit, shit, shit.

‘But let’s be honest…’

Oh, thank God.

‘We both know that this isn’t happening, don’t we?’

Thank fucking god.

‘Absolutely,’ Caitlyn agreed. ‘Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Not happening in the slightest.’ Guilt needled her ribs like a stitch after running too fast. ‘Sorry. I like you too, as a person, somehow, after getting to know you better. Just… not like that… But you won me over, Medarda. You’re surprisingly brilliant.’

‘Surprisingly brilliant?’ Mel narrowed her eyes in playful scrutiny. ‘Not sure why it’s such a surprise, but I’ll take it.’

‘You should.’ She raised her brows to sell the mock threat. ‘Now that we’re friends, that might be the last backwards compliment I ever give you.’

They shared one last giggle before making their separate ways home.

So, that was the real Mel Medarda? No wonder Jayce and Viktor liked her so much.

The following week, Vi and Seraphine invited her to their upcoming engagement party. Rather than outright reject the idea, Caitlyn listened. Reflected on it.

She disapproved of the union, but Vi’s invite was an olive branch. The brides-to-be promised a free bar and her choice of a plus-one. Jayce and Viktor were invited, too. Rude to say no.

She texted Mel that same day, asking if she would tag along as a friend, and they set the date.

Everything slotted into place.

Six months after their tryst, Jinx remained the only unknown variable in Caitlyn’s life.

Chapter Text

Loaded on Shimmer, Jinx ambled down the street towards the party, her mind a web of questions and theories about the evening ahead. Would she see Caitlyn? Would Vi notice how high she was? Would there be cake?

If she knew Seraphine, there’d be a rainbow cake with sprinkles and strawberries. Mmmmm… Jinx imagined eating it as she skipped along.

Seraphine’s parents were Zaunites with new money. They’d made a name for themselves by owning a chain of factories, selling their wears across the bridge and throughout Runeterra, rubbing shoulders with the rich snobs of Piltover and corrupt wannabes of Zaun alike. Their so-called mansion looked out on the Pilt, about a mile upstream from Caitlyn’s place. The houses along that stretch of river were all built in the last decade, the only ‘fancy’ part of Zaun.

Jinx had tolerated enough of Silco’s rants on the subject to know that the area was designed with the intent of extending Piltover’s influence across the bridge rather than bettering the undercity. She despised it; lost count of the dreams she’d had of burning it all to the ground. Every single house, including Caitlyn’s. Might’ve even lit the first match right on the entitled Piltie princess’ doorstep.

For Seraphine’s parents to have bought into the fantasy showed several gross traits: they were gullible, spineless, greedy, delusional… the list went on and on. Their daughter wasn’t much better, but at least she knew how to slum it like a true Zaunite. Seraphine embraced where she came from. Sure, she was privileged and blind to the suffering and darkness that plagued Zaun’s depths, but she wasn’t cruel or arrogant about it. The bar was low.

Did Seraphine still party the way she used to? Jinx first met her years ago at a secret rave by the docks. Her long, bubble-gum pink hair flailed in the wind as she danced like a manic ballerina, and Jinx had to have her. Several shots and snorts of Shimmer later, they were all over each other in a blur of tongues and limbs and giggles.

Given her engagement to Vi, the ultimate Debbie Downer when it came to drugs, Seraphine’s fun days were probably behind her. Bummer.

Finally at the house, Jinx double checked she had the correct address. The place was huge. Much grander than she remembered. Not a mansion, but undoubtedly impressive.

She traipsed up the gravel drive, surrounded by fellow partygoers in their finery. Compared to their designer suits and gowns, her leather jacket, black skater dress, knee-high socks and gothic platform boots looked… well, kinda trashy.

Should’ve asked Vi about the dress code. But it was Vi, for fuck sake. Since when did her punk big sister give a shit about dress codes? Even Caitlyn didn’t care about things like that. Sure, the Kirammans did, but Caitlyn didn’t listen to them. Serrie and her pretentious parents must’ve really gotten under Vi’s skin.

A lady Jinx didn’t recognise stood by the double-doored entrance, dressed in blue silk, champagne flute in one hand and scrawny cigarillo in the other. Her silver bob was coiffed and sexy, dark red lipstick flawlessly applied. As Jinx drew closer, she stared, both enamoured by the stranger’s beauty and feeling shitty about her lack thereof.

The woman caught Jinx’s eye, flickered a smug smile, and the spell was broken.

Okay, she was hot, but she didn’t have to be such a bitch about it. Rich snobs like that could never just be nice, could they?

Jinx flicked the woman a hostile glare and shoved past her to get inside, spilling champagne down the silk dress.

‘Excuse me!?’ The woman yelled after her. ‘This is couture!’

Jinx tossed her head over her shoulder and giggled at the outburst. Lingered long enough to see another woman rush over, making a fuss.

‘Oh my god, Evelynn! Are you alright?’

‘I’ll be fine,’ the woman, apparently called Evelynn, grunted.

‘What the hell is that girl’s problem?’

Oh, if only they knew.

Flipping them a playful little wave for good measure, Jinx properly entered the party.

Classical music serenaded her into the main room, like walking into a funeral. The decorations were modest, colour-coordinated, tasteful. Nothing like the crude banners and plastic bunting she was used to.

It gave her whiplash. Where was the keg, the beer pong, the buffet of beige carbs and neon candy, the red plastic cups filled with cheap booze? Why wasn’t she drowning in obnoxiously loud, heavy music, and that glorious ever-present smell of weed and body odour? Where was the fucking party!?

She wasn’t ready for this. She’d spent so much time obsessing over seeing Vi, and the vexing possibility of bumping into Caitlyn, that she’d forgotten to worry about the party itself.

People fenced her in from every direction. The Shimmer she’d taken before venturing out had waned enough to make her feel raw. A shockwave of overlapping voices hit her like a kick in the head. Hard enough to concave her skull. If she didn’t top up soon, she’d have to find a place to hide and curl into a ball. Maybe a nice closet upstairs, somewhere quiet. Out of the way.

‘Jinx!’

Seraphine’s flute-like voice knocked her out of her tailspin and into people mode. She smiled as a defence mechanism, while her ex gleefully bounded up to her and embraced her with a hug and a kiss to her cheek.

‘I’m so happy you came!’

Jinx wanted to ask why but kept it to herself. Seraphine was, of course, just being friendly. No need to scrutinise and dig out the truth. Not straight away, at least.

Seraphine pulled away to properly look at her guest. ‘Ugh, you look so pretty! That eyeliner!?’ She kissed her fingers to imitate a chef, ‘perfection!’

A beaming smile remained glued to her face, and Jinx matched it as best she could. It hurt her cheeks.

‘Heh, thanks,’ Jinx replied through a forced grin. ‘Didn’t get the memo about the dress code though. Whoops.’

‘Pfft, that’s okay!’ Seraphine waved her hand across her face to emphasise how okay it was. ‘It’s totally optional. You look great! Don’t worry about it!’

‘Okay…’

Jinx widened her grin even further. Might as well have split her face open. But she believed Seraphine’s hype; she did look great. Fuck it.

‘Where’s Vi?’

‘She’s in the kitchen,’ Seraphine replied. ‘I’ll take you; need to get you a drink!’

Seraphine linked her arm through Jinx’s jacket and marched onwards, but Jinx pulled back.

Nope, her racing heart cried out. Shimmer, stat.

‘I gotta pee first,’ she lied.

‘Oh, of course,’ Seraphine’s beam remained intact, oblivious to the deception. Naïve idiot. ‘D’you remember where the restroom is?’

‘Uh huh.’ She slipped out of Seraphine’s reach, melting into the crowd. ‘In a bit.’

Alone in the confined space, Jinx breathed in deep. The floral air freshener almost made her gag. She clutched the sink to ground herself. Didn’t dare look in the mirror. No time to let her nausea creep in or check her make-up and whisper self-loathing.

She fumbled around inside the breast pocket of her jacket. Baggies of Fade and Shimmer sat side by side, kept separate by the dollar bill she’d brought to snort them. She retrieved the Shimmer, saving the Fade for later.

With a steady hand and dry mouth, she tapped three rough lines onto the rim of the sink. It wasn’t a flat surface, but short of sniffing off of the damn toilet cistern, what choice did she have? She swiped her Jericho’s loyalty card from a different pocket and neatened the lines.

On some level, she must’ve known she’d start using like this again. Why else would she bring that card with her wherever she went? Something about its weight and thickness always produced the straightest lines. Her own brand of fucked-up safety blanket.

The pink powder glittered under the LED lights overhead. She didn’t dwell on how pretty it looked. Rolled up the dollar bill and took the first hit.

Three lines and however many minutes later, she left the restroom and made her way to the kitchen in an elated blur. Danced to the peppy violins of some vaguely familiar tune as she slipped through the rabble.

The main room of the party branched out into a large dining area, separated from the kitchen by a broad, marble pillar. If what Seraphine said was true, Vi was right on the other side.

Jinx braced herself. Sure, they’d had a phone call the other day, but seeing her sister in person after so long was a different story. Harder to escape in person.

She bit the bullet and crept around the cold marble.

Vi stood behind an island countertop, kitted out in a suave burgundy suit and matching shirt, short cherry red hair smartly slicked back. Party mode.

Her face hadn’t changed a bit. No shred of make-up in sight. She didn’t even look older. She was just… Vi. Same big sis with the steely eyes, firm jaw and cheekbone tattoo that said she could do anything. And the scars on her bottom lip and left brow, reminders that even she wasn’t invincible.

She embraced Seraphine with that cocky grin of hers. Kissed the top of her head. Bubble-gum pink and cherry red; cute combination. They looked good together, like a team. Who’d have thought?

Jinx smiled to herself, giddy and bursting with nervous energy. She almost skipped forth to join them, but they had company.

Tall, beautiful company…

Soft, strong hands rested on the countertop across from Vi, adorned with several silver rings and an expensive-looking watch. Midnight blue, poker-straight hair pulled up in a neat, high ponytail exposed a slender, alabaster neck and silver filigree earrings. A killer dark mauve dress hugged her body like a second skin, making her boobs look like the best fucking boobs imaginable.

Jinx would’ve known that profile anywhere. Those hands alone. Long, supple fingers. All the things they could do. Places they could reach.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

All thought of reuniting with Vi abandoned her. Her knees almost buckled. Gut plummeted. She needed to get out of there. ASAP.

They hadn’t noticed her yet. A few steps back behind the pillar and she could’ve disappeared into the rest of the party without a fuss. But something compelled her to stay.

Conversation flowed between Caitlyn and Vi like water. The natural back-and-forth of two people who really knew each other. Seraphine’s interjections trickled in where they could, but she didn’t say much. The longer she listened, the more bored she looked.

What were they talking about?

A fourth, unknown voice chimed in, swimming against their current. The tension of debate tinged the air, but over the din of the party, Jinx could only identify tones, not words.

She inched closer to the sound, picked out a few phrases. Politics was on the menu; no wonder Seraphine had disengaged.

The mystery voice mentioned something about the history of the bridge, how it divided people, how the council tried to undo the damage but struggled to enforce real change. Vi scoffed out something about enforcers being glorified attack dogs who encouraged the council’s prejudices.

Jinx agreed with her sister.

Caitlyn pushed her tongue against her bottom lip in silent protest but didn’t argue back. The whole enforcer thing was one of the many issues that polluted the reservoir during her marriage to Vi. Must’ve hurt to discuss it casually like that.

Jinx subconsciously lurched towards Caitlyn but stopped herself before getting too close. Stupid feet, thinking on their own.

More of the kitchen came into view, as did the owner of the fourth voice. Mel Medarda. Hard to forget the face of Piltover’s youngest and best-looking councillor. Her posters were all over Zaun, graffitied to shit. Some by Jinx’s own hand. Ha!

Propped against the inner wall, next to Caitlyn, the Noxian prodigy nursed a glass of white wine. She was ethereally gorgeous, even more so in person, face not sprayed across and spoiled. Her understated style oozed old money and class. Made that bitch Evelynn's whole schtick look tacky.

What did that make Jinx, by comparison? Sump scum. Trencher trash. Not worth a cent.

Envy swarmed and multiplied like wasps preparing to defend the hive. Buzzed around her as she spied.

Medarda slid a manicured hand down Caitlyn’s arm and onto the small of her back. Too intimate for comfort. Her black and gold nail polish was perfect, unspoiled by any kind of frequent use of her hands. The only similarity with Jinx’s own bitten and chipped nails was the length: short.

For a woman with Medarda’s glamour to have nails that length meant one thing. Jinx envisioned those immaculate fingers gliding along Caitlyn’s smooth skin, in and out of her cunt. No doubt Medarda played the role of loyal, supportive girlfriend better than Jinx ever could.

The wasps became hornets, beastly and vicious.

It made sense, of course. Caitlyn had her fun chasing Zaunites over the years, and now she’d moved on to the type of woman befitting her station. The type of woman her mother would’ve adored and fawned over. Cassandra Kiramman never warmed to Vi, but Medarda…?

Jinx scowled at the two of them. Heat prickled her skin. Disgust tugged her lip upwards in a snarl.

How dare they stand there like that, flaunting their relationship at Vi’s engagement party? What the fuck!? Why were Vi and Seraphine acting so okay with it?

Arms crossed and brows knotted, Jinx announced herself with a laugh of pure spite.

The silly political dispute stopped dead and all four of them looked towards the sound. The social smile Caitlyn wore in conversation dropped in an instant. Vi’s eyes lit up with a grin. Seraphine rested her head on Vi’s shoulder and tossed Jinx a small wave, none the wiser but no longer bored, while Medarda’s unnervingly pretty face frowned in confusion.

‘What’s this, the lesbian convention?’ Jinx sniped.

‘I’m sorry, who are you?’ Medarda cut to the bone with a voice as smooth as honey.

‘Jinx…’ Vi’s eyes dulled with disappointment, already done with her shit.

Didn’t take long for big sis to turn on her, did it? Some things never changed. Jinx gritted her teeth.

Caitlyn stared; face unreadable. What was on her mind?

‘Are you okay?’ Seraphine asked. ‘You took a while… Do you still want that drink?’

A while? How long did she spend in the restroom? Ten minutes? Twenty? Longer?

Were any of them close enough to see Shimmer’s tell-tale pink glow orbiting her blown-out pupils? Would they care?

She darted her gaze between them, met with judgement and icky concern. And worse, Caitlyn’s complete lack of expression.

Did Jinx’s presence mean nothing to her?

Too far up Medarda’s ass to notice.

‘Wait… Jinx?’ Medarda turned to Vi, brow raised in question. ‘As in Powder, your sister? The one who—’

‘Jinx as in Jinx,’ Caitlyn sternly interjected.

What? What was that?

In some small, poignant way, Caitlyn had stuck up for her. Why would she do that?

Caitlyn shifted away from Medarda’s touch and looked directly, unflinchingly, at Jinx.

It took a nano-second for Jinx to blink away.

Too long. The contact stung.

‘Whatever,’ she huffed and barged past them.

‘Jinx!’ Vi called after her. ‘Wait!’

She ignored her sister’s plea and moved faster, beyond the kitchen. Snatched someone’s drink as she made a beeline for the sliding doors leading out to the veranda and the garden.

A gentle summer breeze greeted her. Bliss. So much better than the stifling air inside. Ignoring the cluster of people near the door, she downed the sweet remnants of mimosa from the stolen glass. Lit a cigarette and descended the veranda’s wooden steps onto the overgrown path beneath.

Like everything about that stupid place, the garden was bigger than she remembered. Perhaps they’d extended it? And didn’t they used to have a pool? They must’ve redesigned.

Haphazard shoots of grass jutted out of the stone, softened the tread of her boots as she strolled along. A bird of prey flew overhead, momentarily eclipsing the sun with its wingspan. Down on the ground, the path became a small set of steps, then path again, as she followed it out towards a hedgerow. Hues of pink shone in the distance, but she couldn’t tell where they came from.

‘Jinx…?’ Came a curious male voice.

She turned towards it, but once she saw who the voice belonged to, nearly turned back around. Jayce Talis, dressed in all white, sauntered up to her.

‘Jayce.’

She twisted her grimace into a grin. Stared at him a few seconds too long. Was it the Shimmer, or were his eyebrows freakishly huge?

‘Have you always looked like this?’ She poked his cheek, investigating.

‘Uh…’ He smiled tightly and stepped back, out of poking distance. ‘I guess it’s been a while. I’m surprised to see you.’

‘Snap,’ she said. ‘Aren’t you s’posed to be Cait’s bestie? Whatcha doing here?’

‘Actually, Vi and I grew pretty close over the years,’ he said. ‘Cait’s here too, though… somewhere.’

And didn’t she fucking know it.

Before she could interrogate Jayce on how he’d convinced Vi to be his friend, another man cosied up next to him and handed him a glass of red wine.

‘Ah, Viktor!’ Jayce exclaimed, glad for the extra company. Somebody, save him from the weirdo! ‘You’ve met Jinx, right? Vi’s little sister.’

‘Less of the little,’ Jinx frowned. ‘Condescending dick.’

Jayce snickered at her hushed insult. She hadn’t meant to be funny; he really was the worst. Why the fuck was Caitlyn friends with him? Childhood nostalgia, familial obligation, charity, what?

‘Hmm,’ Viktor studied her in thought. ‘I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure, no.’ Balancing on an awesome set of customised black and silver crutches, he held out a bony hand.

She shook it with aplomb. Studied the veins bulging beneath his skin, mottled purple and blue from the repetitive strain of his disability.

What caused it? Had he been like that his whole life, or was it recent?

‘Why the crutches?’ She blurted out. Damn shimmer. ‘Sorry. That question was meant to stay in my head.’

‘Oh, heh, no need to apologise.’ He took her rudeness in his stride. Good sign. ‘I’ve, uh… I’ve been sick for a long time… I won’t bore you with the details.’

Bore her? He fascinated her. But she could take a hint.

‘Sore subject?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Hmm.’

Tilting her head, she studied the peculiar man before her. His accent was tricky to describe. It reminded her of someone… someone she didn’t want to remember. Kinda creepy. His hair was floppy and dark, skin sickly pale, eyes sharp and sparkling with intelligence. He wore a suit, but not the typical Piltie garb. Rather than a refined tailored piece, like Jayce’s, his was mismatched tweed, relaxed from years of wear. Tweed, in the summer? If he turned around, she bet she’d find patches sewn on at the elbows where the fabric had thinned and torn. She couldn’t tell if he'd owned it for years or if it was second-hand, bought on the fly for the party. She liked that she couldn’t tell.

This dude seemed way too cool and way too much of an oddball to hang around with a dorky poser like Jayce.

‘How d’you two know each other?’ She asked, genuinely curious.

‘Viktor’s my partner,’ Jayce said with pride.

‘In business, and in life,’ Viktor added.

‘Ohhhhh.’

Jayce was gay? Finally, something she could respect him for.

‘So, you and Jayce do the science together, huh?’ She wiggled her brows suggestively.

‘Something like that,’ Viktor said. He hunched over as he spoke, shying away from scrutiny by making himself smaller.

‘Parties aren’t yer thing,’ she observed.

Viktor winced and shook his head.

‘Don’t sweat it.’ She flashed what she hoped was a reassuring wink. ‘I don’t think parties like this are anyone’s thing. Nobody cool, anyway.’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Jayce said, oblivious. ‘This is a pretty swell turnout.’

Viktor cringed with quiet embarrassment for his partner, and Jinx giggled.

‘Pretty swell?’ She mimicked. ‘Dude, are you sixty?’

‘What?’ Jayce looked to Viktor for support. ‘People still say swell, right? Young people…?’

Viktor shrugged, helpless to stop Jayce from digging his hole. A small smirk brightened his wan face and made his eyes twinkle even brighter.

Ah, if only he wasn’t gay and didn’t have terrible taste in men… they could’ve had fun together. But Jayce and his assholery stifled Viktor’s allure. Boring.

She bowed out of their chat and meandered further down the garden.

Where the path ended, bordered by hedgerow, stood a stone archway laced with creeping ivy and purple clematis. She crossed its threshold into a pristinely mowed stretch of grass. A cherry blossom tree grew at its centre. The pink hues. Beautiful.

Leaning against the rough stone, she slumped down until her bum hit damp grass with a light plonk. After another, much-needed Shimmer boost, she gazed up at the cherry blossom as it swayed and danced. Pinks and reds and whites swirled with the harsh yellow of the afternoon sun and the crisp blue of the sky.

Zooming in like a camera, she tried to focus on one blossom at a time. She’d return to the party, as soon as she’d captured and counted every tiny blossom in sight.

‘Hey, have you guys seen Jinx?’

God fucking dammit, Vi.

‘Down there,’ Jayce said.

In typical Vi fashion, she steamed ahead to find her sister, not stopping to wonder if said sister actually wanted to be found. The thud of footsteps grew louder and louder, then stopped altogether. A shadow loomed.

With a frustrated groan, Jinx took a long drag of her cigarette.

Here goes nothing.

‘Hey, sis,’ Jinx drawled and glanced up at Vi. Held out her cigarette as a token of good will.

‘Uh huh.’

Okay, Vi was angry. Understandable. Still took the olive branch, though.

She scratched at her temple. Sank one tattooed hand into the pocket of her tailored trousers, while the other brought the cigarette to her lips and held it there. She inhaled. Stepped in front of Jinx, blocking her view of the tree. Exhaled a plume of dark grey smoke.

‘Thanks.’ Vi handed the little death stick back to its owner. ‘I needed that.’

Jinx’s fingers grazed her sister’s calloused knuckles. She took another drag.

Vi hovered, watching over her. Discomfort lodged in her spine and made her shiver.

Breathing nicotine felt like air. Like nothing. She wanted more Shimmer but if Vi ever saw her using again…

Her collection of well-tuned defence mechanisms battled for dominance. Which would the wheel of her brain land on? Avoidance? Aggression? A sycophantic need for acceptance? All to play for.

‘Look at you in that suit,’ she praised. Okay, so, sycophantic need for acceptance. ‘Lil Serrie’s gotcha looking sharp.’

‘Lil Serrie?’ Vi shook her head and scoffed. ‘Would it kill you to say something nice?’

‘…didn’t I just pay you a compliment?’ Uh-oh. Aggression, standing by.

‘Yeah, at my fiancée’s expense.’ Vi paced on the spot. Flecks of soil and grass flew into Jinx’s lap.

She let the dirt sit there. She deserved it. Bury her alive and she wouldn’t have fought.

‘Come on,’ Vi urged. ‘This is an engagement party. Can’t you be happy for me?’

‘Happy for you?’ Jinx didn’t understand. ‘Because you found someone else to cling to?’

‘You don’t have to word it like that.’

‘Alright.’ She searched for something else to say. Something honest. ‘I don’t feel happy for you.’ Stubby cigarette between her lips, she breathed deep for the last hit. Relished in the heat of the smoke in her lungs and at the back of her throat. ‘I don’t feel anything, one way or the other.’ She exhaled hard and tossed the butt to the grass. Stomped it out with her boot. ‘Better?’

Vi snorted. Maybe Jinx’s answer wasn’t good enough, but it was the truth.

‘All I know about your relationship with Seraphine is that she somehow convinced you to wear a suit today,’ Jinx elaborated. ‘You look cute together, sure, but so did you and the C-word, so… doesn’t mean much.’

Vi flinched at the reference to Caitlyn. ‘What was that back there?’ She asked, tonguing her cheek in frustration. ‘That fucking stunt you pulled. What was that?’

‘What stunt?’

‘Is it because Caitlyn’s here?’ Vi demanded. ‘You don’t have to be around her if you don’t want. I told you that. It’s a big house. You could’ve just walked away.’

‘…isn’t that what I did?’

‘Sure, yeah, in the rudest way possible.’ Vi’s pacing increased; fists clenched in the bowels of her pockets. ‘Cait stuck up for you back there. And not for the first time, by the way. But you still treated her like the goddamn plague.’

Not for the first time? ‘What d’you mean?’

‘I mean you treat her like garbage, even when she’s the only person sticking up for you!’ Vi said. Yelled, actually. ‘Caitlyn correcting someone on your name at a party is a drop in the fucking ocean. She’s had your back more often than you know… mostly against me.’ Her expression fractured with shame.

Okay, too much. Stop. Stop talking about Caitlyn. Please stop.

‘You don’t get on as people?’ Vi persisted. ‘Fine. But she’s always respected you, and you’ve never done her the same courtesy. Even now. You can’t stomach being in the same room as her. Just had to make it a big deal and storm off, didn’t you!?’

‘Sheesh!’ A low chuckle rattled through Jinx’s ribcage. ‘Guess I’m the villain here, huh?’ Her aggression put on its marching boots, and out into battle it went. ‘And then there’s you: Vi, the White Knight… Defending Caitlyn’s honour like that, anyone’d think you were still married.’

‘Jinx,’ Vi warned, puppy dog face ready to bite. ‘Don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’

Unleashing a wide grin that didn’t reach her eyes, she stared up at her sister. A challenge. If Vi dared to stare back, Jinx would see her sister’s conflicting tenderness for Caitlyn and the love she’d lost. The love Seraphine, with all her sweet smiles and naïve sentiments, could never replace. In turn, Vi would see Jinx’s Shimmer eyes. The failure they held.

Vi looked away. Challenge lost.

‘I’m only pointing out the facts,’ Jinx said. ‘Seraphine was in that kitchen, just like Caitlyn, yet whose defence did White Knight Vi instantly jump to?’

‘Jinx.’ Vi said her name like a broken prayer. ‘Stop.’

‘Not your precious fiancée’s,’ she pouted. ‘Nope. You’re still stuck on Caitlyn… Caitlyn, Caitlyn, Caitlyn.’

‘Stop!’

‘Why? Because I’m right?’

‘No. You’re wrong.’

‘Whatever you say, sis.’

She leaned back, gazed up at the cherry blossoms. They framed Vi’s head like a halo. Like her sister was an angel.

Angel. Caitlyn called Jinx that. Like she didn’t know her at all. Jinx was so fucking far from angelic. And she could prove it.

‘Did you know there used to be a pool out here?’ A cruel delight bubbled at the back of her throat. ‘Pretty sure your Serrie first went down on me by that pool…’ She narrowed her eyes at the pained frown creasing Vi’s face. ‘What a memory, huh?’

A lie. She remembered no such thing, just wanted to see Vi’s reaction when she said it. You know. Because she was such an angel.

With sombre eyes and a clenched jaw, brewing with fury, Vi looked Jinx dead on.

‘Are you…’ Vi glared. ‘Are you high right now?’

And there it was, that all-important question, at long fucking last.

No point denying it. Someone needed to see. Someone who might’ve tried to stop her. Shame it had to be Vi. But Vi was her big sister. She cared… right?

Maybe, if she told Vi how she felt, how she’d spiralled in the past months, Vi could help her get back on track? She’d force her to go cold turkey on the drugs and drag her back to Heimerdinger, and everything would be okay. Sure, it wouldn’t be easy, but she wanted to get better. Vi could help her get better, couldn’t she?

‘Guess the cat’s out of the bag.’ Jinx played it careless, but Vi would see. Vi would see her act, and she would know, and she would help. ‘Did you really think I’d survive this party sober?’

‘Wow, I, I can’t…’ Vi’s tone flatlined, icy and detached. ‘I can’t believe this.’

Her nostrils flared in anguish. Hands flew to her head, clawed at her hair, messed it up, nearly ripped it out. Typical Vi meltdown. The only thing missing was violence. Vi liked to break stuff. Plates, chairs, noses. Whatever her fists found first.

‘I can’t put up with that shit again.’ Vi’s voice shrivelled into hopelessness, gearing towards an explosion. ‘I can’t… I can’t.’

Jinx brought her knees to her chest and cradled herself.

‘It’s not gonna be like before,’ she tried to argue. A pathetic, futile sentiment. ‘Things’re… weird for me… right now.’ Her voice sounded brittle, like she had a chest infection. ‘I… I need help…’

‘Save it. I don’t wanna hear it.’ Vi lowered her hands to her sides and half-snickered with scorn. ‘It’s always the same with you.’

Before Jinx could utter another word, Vi left. Off to find a good place to sulk and work off her temper.

Jinx cackled at the sight. Vi, twenty-nine going on twelve, brooding at her own damn party. Abandoning her troubled little sister for the umpteenth time. Vander would’ve been so proud. What a fighter. Ha! The more jarring and upsetting the moment became, the more erratic Jinx’s giggling fit. Tears flew down her cheeks as she belted out furious, broken rasps of twisted glee.

Time to go home. Avoidance. The only real choice all along. There was nothing left for her there but more of the same bullshit. Never should’ve gone in the first place.

She tore up the path, scanning the green for an easier exit. A high fence surrounded the garden, blocking it off form the street out front. The only way out was through. Fuck.

She leapt onto the veranda, skipping the steps. Her legs itched with adrenaline. Cheeks flared hot. Braids whipped at her back.

The revellers inside chuckled and drank and slow-danced like everything was fine. Like there wasn’t a tornado ripping its way through them.

She pinched another drink. Something dark and carbonated left idle by the buffet table, next to a bowl of cheese puffs. Cheese puffs at a stuck-up event like that? Vi had some sway, after all. She grabbed a handful. Stuffed them into her mouth and downed the drink. Wood smoke and syrupy soda flooded her tongue. Whisky and coke. Not her favourite, but it did the trick. Satiated, she carried on through the throng.

The room seemed smaller. Packed to the gills. Were there more people or was she more out of it? Her breaths came quick and tight. Couldn’t inhale enough air to make a difference. Stumbling through the fog of faces and bodies, she clutched at her chest.

Shimmer. She needed Shimmer. But she couldn’t focus. Couldn’t escape. Couldn’t remember where the exit was.

‘Jinx?’ Ekko. Where had he come from? ‘Jinx? Hey. Look at me.’

She did as he asked. Focused on the walnut brown of his eyes. The shock of peroxide in his brows and locs. The warmth of his face, the kindness held there.

Boy Saviour to the rescue, like old times.

She glanced down at the rest of him. Huh. He hadn’t worn a suit. Classic Ekko. His oversized t-shirt and jeans with chains hanging off them stood out just as much as she did. Thank fuck. He felt like home. Like the real Zaun. She leaned into him, letting him support most of her weight.

‘I’ve got you,’ he said. ‘You’re having a panic attack, but you’re going to be okay.’

He lay his hands flat on her shoulders. Him and his grounding techniques. Her own, shaking hands found his forearms and squeezed. Muscle and bone held firm beneath her grip.

‘Try to steady your breathing. In… out. In… out.’

The party dissolved into background static as she tried to follow his lead. In through her nose, out through her mouth. Always took a while to work. Rapid breaths and tears were all she had.

Her nails dug into his arm. Must’ve hurt, but he didn’t let it show.

After a shuddery start, her breathing levelled out a bit.

‘Good,’ he said. ‘You’re doing good.’

She kept on. Measured breaths.

He guided her away from the crowd, into an empty chair. Her clunky boots poked off the edge of the seat as her body constricted around itself like a snake.

‘What happened?’ He asked, crouching to her line of sight.

Too soon. She shook her head. Couldn’t talk. Buried her face in her knees.

‘Okay,’ he said. ‘It’s gonna be okay, Jinx. Breathe… I’ve got you.’

‘Is she alright?’ A soft voice from the fray whispered. Or was it a yell?

Jinx couldn’t decipher. Probably some nosy randomer. Didn’t matter.

Breathe.

‘She will be,’ Ekko told the voice. Sounded like he knew them.

‘What’s wrong with her?’

Why did everyone always ask that?

Wait, that voice was different. Slick. Like honey.

‘Jinx?’ The first voice spoke louder. Closer to her.

‘She’ll be fine, Cait.’

Caitlyn?

Her heart rate doubled. She slapped her hands over her ears.

Not her. Not now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no—

‘Don’t crowd her,’ Ekko said. ‘She needs time… You’re here with someone?’

‘Mel Medarda, Caitlyn’s plus-one.’ Searing syrup dripped like lava into Jinx’s ears. ‘And you are?’

‘A friend of Vi’s.’ Ekko spoke with tight-fisted reservation. Animosity simmered.

Him and the upper-crust didn’t mix. He only stomached Caitlyn because of Vi, and even then, they’d had their fair share of disagreements.

‘Plus-one, huh?’

‘Platonically, of course.’ // ‘We’re just friends.’

Caitlyn and Medarda spoke in unison, spinning their little lies. They could deny it all they wanted, but Jinx knew what she saw in that kitchen. Where Medarda’s hands freely roamed. Friends didn’t touch like that.

‘Okay, well, whoever you are, you should go. I’ve got this.’

‘Ekko—’

‘Cait, I’ve got this.’ His voice raised an octave. Resolute. Protective. ‘Enjoy the party.’

‘He’s right,’ Medarda said. ‘She’s in good hands. Come on.’

A beat passed. Then another.

‘Come on, Cait.’

‘No. No, I’m staying.’ Caitlyn really was stubborn, huh? ‘Mel, go and find Jayce and Viktor. Tell them I’ve gone home early. Shouldn’t be too hard to convince them.’

‘…what?’

‘Please.’

‘Cait—’

‘Just do it,’ Caitlyn insisted. ‘I’ll make it up to you. Lunch, or something.’

‘You’d better.’

Heels clicked away into the distant din. Only Caitlyn and Ekko left.

Why didn’t Caitlyn leave with Mel? What kept her there?

‘Let’s go.’ The words came fast and sweet.

Go? Go where? With her!?

‘What?’ Ekko asked, equally confused.

‘My house is a few minutes down the road,’ Caitlyn explained.

No, no, no.

‘It’s quiet there. No people, no stimulation.’

Oh.

‘I won’t bother her. She’ll be able to relax, be alone.’

Shimmer! Maybe even Fade and a long nap? Oh, the possibilities!

‘If she feels better later, she can easily come back here to see Vi… if she wants.’

Nope. Never again, thanks.

Ekko sighed. Loud. Unimpressed.

‘It makes more sense than taking her all the way back to The Lanes, that’s all,’ Caitlyn reasoned. ‘I’ll look after her, Ekko. You’re the one who needs to stay; you’re best man.’

Oh, sure. Caitlyn was so practical and thoughtful. Nothing in it for her. Nothing she might’ve wanted from Jinx, just the two of them in that big gross house of hers.

Did she still want her after last time? How desperate was she?

Whatever. Didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Not even Vi.

In fact, Vi topped the goddamn list of things that didn’t matter.

Was there a prize for being the worst fucking sister in the world? Was there some competition Jinx didn’t know about? How many times did Vi plan on letting her down and bailing when she needed her most? They’d hummed along to that tune for way too long. Decades. It was a fucking hobby at that point. Recreational abandonment. Drilled into her brain.

Vi left. Vi always left. Jinx thought for once she might’ve stayed. Might’ve tried. Might’ve helped. But no. Of course not. That wasn’t their song. Their song was Vi leaving.

Why did Jinx always let her go?

Sing a different song, Jinx. Sing a different song. Without Vi. Just Jinx. Alone. Carefree. High as a cloud.

As long as Jinx could get good and high once they’d left, Caitlyn could do as she pleased. Argue with her. Fuck her. Chop her up and dump her in the Pilt. Whatever the lady wished. Hell, Jinx would take requests. As long as she got what she wanted out of it.

‘Cait, I appreciate your concern for my best friend, but with the greatest of respect—’

‘I’ll go.’ Did she say that? Was that her voice? The words flew out before she thought them.

‘You’ll go?’ Ekko asked in disbelief. ‘With her…? Jinx, I can easily take you.’

‘I said I’ll go.’

She unfurled like a cat stretching awake. Stood and enveloped Ekko in the biggest goodbye hug her small arms could manage.

‘You gonna be okay?’ He worried into her hair. ‘It’s Caitlyn. Kiramman…’

‘Yeah, I know who it is,’ she snickered into his ear. ‘I’ll be fine. She’s right. Makes more sense this way.’

‘I guess, but… you really wanna go?’

Of everyone in her life, Ekko would’ve understood her reasoning even less than Vi. She couldn’t explain why she was willing to leave with the enemy. Tightened her hold around him instead.

‘You really need to stop worrying about me.’ She pulled away and squished his cheeks, just like she did when they were kids. ‘But thanks, dude… I owe you.’

‘Nah,’ he said. ‘Just answer the next time I call, okay? I miss you.’

They didn’t usually speak so openly. She didn’t know what to do with his feelings. He missed her. Okay. Why? What did he expect her to do about that? She couldn’t change. Couldn’t answer his calls or reply to his texts. Not lately. Never consistently. His feelings on the issue just seemed… redundant.

Maybe that made her heartless, or a bitch. She’d done and thought worse. Much worse. Not concerning Ekko, though. He was good to her.

She swallowed her apathy and smiled. ‘Miss you too. We’ll hang out soon.’

Did he know she didn’t mean it?

Ekko opened his mouth to reply but she left before the words came. Gathered her bearings enough to find the exit.

When Caitlyn joined her outside, Jinx studied the ground. The glare of the tarmac. The obsidian black of her boots. She couldn’t look up. Couldn’t risk the sight of Caitlyn’s face in the blinding evening sun.

They walked on.

‘Jinx?’

She didn’t reply. Bolted ahead. Walked and walked and walked. Too fast for Caitlyn to keep up. Not in her heels, at least.

‘Jinx, please… slow down!’

Caitlyn’s whines propelled Jinx forwards. Faster and faster.

‘Why are you constantly running or pushing me away?’

Jinx barrelled down the road like a missile cutting through the sky.

‘I just want to help you,’ Caitlyn protested. ‘Let me help you!’

‘Help me!?’ Jinx exploded with a fierce screech. Stopped still in the street and turned to confront the source of the complaints. ‘Why!? You think I need to be looked after like I’m some dumb kid?’

In her rage, she dared to look at that face. The low-hanging sun obscured most of it, but Caitlyn’s lips remained visible, open, imploring mercy.

Caitlyn moved forward a few paces, out of the light’s path, and the rest of her features came clear. Jinx couldn’t look away, but she wanted to. Needed to.

‘No,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘Of course not, I—’

‘I can take care of myself,’ Jinx spat. ‘Been doing it since I was eighteen.’ Since they took Silco away. ‘Didn’t need anybody back then, and I sure as shit don’t now. Especially not you.’

‘I, I didn’t mean—’

‘Save it. We both know the real reason you swept in tonight. Taking me back to your place because it’s so close by?’ She snorted in disgust. ‘You’re pathetic.’

Jinx spun back around and resumed her strides. Caitlyn’s footsteps followed, more quickly this time, a fresh determination in her gait.

‘If that’s what you think, why agree to come with me?’

Jinx smirked at the question. ‘I dunno. Maybe I’m pathetic too? Maybe I don’t give a fuck?’

‘Bullshit.’

‘Bullshit!?’ She bit. Venom laced her tongue as she looked back at Caitlyn once again.

The gap between them grew smaller and smaller. Part of her ached to close it completely. To pull Caitlyn in by her neck and break it. Break her, like she’d broken Jinx.

‘You wanna know what’s really bullshit, Caitlyn? Your totally platonic plus-one. You and Mel Medarda are just friends, huh?’

‘We are just friends.’

‘Stop lying!’

‘I’m not!’

‘You were eye-fucking each other all night! She touched your back like she fucking owned you, and you only moved away when you saw me standing there. Caught in the act.’

‘The act? What act!?’

Oh, Jinx needed to get a proper glimpse of Caitlyn’s face. How it distorted and crumpled and lied, lied, lied. She needed to see it in vivid detail.

In a flash of speed, she lunged forwards, leaving just a few inches between their panting bodies. Caitlyn’s heavy breath ruffled the stray hairs on Jinx’s face. Her dark blue eyes shone, nervous and determined and furious. Her lips puckered, ready to fight.

‘Jinx, I don’t know what you think you saw, but—’

‘I told you. She touched you!’

Her hands moved in sync with her words and reached out, grabbed onto Caitlyn’s shoulders. The elastic straps of that killer mauve dress and the warmth of Caitlyn’s skin sizzled beneath her fingertips.

She flinched. Pulled away before she could adjust to the sensation. Met Caitlyn’s questioning gaze. Blinked off into the distance.

‘Sometimes friends are tactile with each other,’ Caitlyn reasoned. With a shiver, she wrapped her arms around her torso. ‘It doesn’t have to mean anything.’

‘And when we—’ Shut up, Jinx. Shut up. ‘Did that mean anything?’

‘…how can you ask me that?’ Caitlyn’s voice splintered. Wounded.

Good. She wanted Caitlyn to feel just as lost and hurt as she did.

‘I’m just a little confused, Cait,’ Jinx pressed, callous and taunting and insistent. ‘Which touches mean what? How many of your other so-called friends are all over you like that? I can tell you my answer. None. People don’t touch me intimately like that unless I’m fucking them.’

‘And Ekko?’ Caitlyn countered. Her words brimmed with a calm self-assurance. ‘When he held you… was that not intimate?’

‘That’s different.’

‘Is it? I don’t think so.’

‘He’s my best friend and I was having a panic attack.’

‘I know,’ Caitlyn maintained. ‘You needed support, and he was there to help you, to comfort you… what you witnessed with Mel was the exact same thing.’

Jinx’s head spun. Caitlyn could play her like a violin. She felt insane. She knew what she saw in that kitchen.

‘Liar!’ She screamed. ‘Why the fuck are you lying about this!? Just admit it!’

‘It’s the truth, Jinx. I’m not lying.’ Caitlyn stepped closer. Too close. Not close enough. ‘But even if I was dating Mel, why would you care?’

‘I wouldn’t.’ Her voice cracked.

‘No?’ Caitlyn half-smirked. ‘You’re not jealous then?’

‘Of Mel stuck-up bitch Medarda?’ Jinx’s mocking tone had nobody fooled. ‘As if,’ she added sheepishly.

Caitlyn snickered and bridged their distance even further. Took hold of the lapels on Jinx’s jacket, stared down at the leather in her grip and smiled.

‘I didn’t want to go tonight. I thought going with Mel—a friend—might help. I told her how shitty and weird I felt about it. She reassured me…’

Caitlyn’s tentative hands slipped under Jinx’s jacket. Clammy against Jinx’s skin, they slithered over the ridge of her collarbone, up to her neck.

She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. Only feel. Hot, sticky feelings. She burnt up in Caitlyn’s orbit. A fever ignited her skin, obliterated her senses. Heat and discomfort were all she had left. She wanted to run away and never look back, but Caitlyn kept her still, transfixed.

‘In the kitchen,’ Caitlyn continued. ‘What you saw… Mel sensed my discomfort at the topic of conversation and reached out to help me through it.’

She cupped Jinx’s face like it was porcelain. Delicate and breakable and precious. Fingers ghosted over her jawline, hovered over her cheeks. Eyes darted between lips and pupils.

‘A friend supporting a friend… that’s all it was.’

‘And then?’ Jinx gulped. ‘When you saw me, you didn’t even react. You didn’t… you didn’t care.’

‘Jinx, I was in shock.’ Resentment flickered beneath Caitlyn’s mask of composure. She applied more pressure to the pads of her fingertips, holding Jinx’s face with more force, more gumption. ‘I had no idea you’d be there. It’s been six months. Six months since…’

Caitlyn didn’t complete her sentence, but Jinx got the gist.

‘Since the biggest mistake of your life.’ She gritted her teeth in a mad grin. ‘Must’ve been a really rough time for you, crying on Mel Medarda’s perfect golden shoulder.’

‘That’s not…’ Caitlyn’s eyes emptied. ‘It’s been hell.’

‘So dramatic,’ Jinx drawled. ‘Why? Can’t live with yourself knowing you fucked Vi’s crazy little sister?’

‘Oh, the guilt over Vi has been the easy part, believe me!’

Caitlyn lowered her hands, away from Jinx’s face. Not ready to lose contact, Jinx locked their fingers together and brought Caitlyn back to her. Held her hands fixed to her cheeks, so tight it might’ve bruised. Edging a fraction closer, Jinx tilted up on her tippy toes and bumped their noses together. Caitlyn shuddered and leaned into the embrace, closed her eyes.

‘And the hard part?’ Jinx muttered.

‘Take a wild guess.’

‘Tell me.’

‘We connected, Jinx.’ Caitlyn’s voice wobbled. Her eyes flickered back open. ‘Then you disappeared, and I didn’t know why. I still don’t know.’

How could Jinx describe it? Show Caitlyn the fucking DSM-5 and highlight all the relevant sections? Her myriad issues weren’t easy to explain, even if Caitlyn had a vague grasp on a few of them. In that moment, Jinx had neither the mental capacity nor the resolve to fill in the blanks or accept accountability for her fuck-up. Whether Caitlyn liked it or not, that conversation had to come later.

‘What did you mean?’ Caitlyn’s voice tremored, her lips shaking on the cusp of tears. ‘All those things you said to me before I left… what did you mean?’

‘I don’t have the words.’ She sighed. Twirled Caitlyn’s silky ponytail round and round in her idle fingers. ‘It’s complicated. Bad brain shit, y’know?’

‘Yeah. I know.’ For a second, Caitlyn’s gaze darted to Jinx’s lips. ‘Do you ever think about it…? That night.’

Their eyes met, willing the other to be gentle and honest.

‘…all the time,’ Jinx whispered.

A few tears broke the threshold of Caitlyn’s tight-lined lashes and rolled down her cheeks, clashing with her understated make-up.

‘Same,’ Caitlyn sniffed.

‘…do you think about me when you’re fucking Medarda?’ The question landed on the flirtatious side of sarcastic. Jinx chuckled, hoping Caitlyn would see the funny side before more tears fell.

‘Again: just friends,’ Caitlyn insisted for the hundredth time. But it did the trick. Suppressing laughter of her own, Caitlyn leant down and bumped Jinx’s nose again.

Their lips grazed slightly on impact. Jinx swallowed a moan at the full-body tingle that followed, fighting the urge to pounce and devour.

Out in the open like that, anyone could’ve walked past and seen them. People heading home from the party… Vi. Anyone.

She stepped back, reinstating personal space. Smiled meekly as Caitlyn’s face fell.

‘I almost told her, actually… about us,’ Caitlyn confessed.

‘Medarda? Why?’

‘I thought it might help.’ Caitlyn sidled up to the nearby hedgerow separating the street from someone’s front drive. Leant against the wall of tiny leaves and tiny branches. ‘I thought… maybe she’d understand and have some advice. I don’t know… something to help me sleep a bit better at night.’

‘Her pussy doesn’t help?’

‘Dear god, will these jokes never end?’

‘Who said they were jokes?’

‘They bloody better be!’

Caitlyn pushed away from the hedge. Swung her arms out wide and began pacing up and down the patch of street.

Jinx scoffed, digesting Caitlyn’s little outburst. Why did the concept of her and Mel hooking up bother her so much? If anyone should’ve been bothered, it was Jinx. But Caitlyn? Guilty conscience?

‘Why didn’t you tell Mel about us?’ Jinx had to ask. ‘Were you ashamed?’

‘No.’ Caitlyn folded her arms with another wave of hostility. Kept pacing. ‘We agreed. It’s no one else’s business.’

‘Right, so, you didn’t tell anyone?’

‘No one… Did you?’

‘Technically,’ she grimaced like a naughty school kid. ‘But my therapist doesn’t count.’

‘Your therapist,’ Caitlyn nodded in relief. ‘Of course.’

‘Who the fuck else would I have told?’ Jinx balked. ‘Have a little trust.’

‘Sorry, but it’s impossible to know with you sometimes.’ In contemplation, Caitlyn paused her steps. Stroked her hands over her smooth, slicked back hair. Held them in place above her head. ‘What did your therapist say?’

Staring at the armpits and side-boob on display, Jinx malfunctioned. Imagined burying her face in that flank of skin, biting down on the soft flesh and hard muscle. Her teeth would leave a red mark, glistening with saliva, spoiling the pallid landscape like blood on snow.

What did Heimerdinger say? Fuck, she couldn’t even remember her own damn name.

‘Sorry, I forgot.’ Caitlyn’s hands returned to her hips; trance broken. ‘No therapy talk.’

‘Oh… right…’ Jinx shook out her limbs. Bit her lips instead of Caitlyn’s body. ‘Well, doesn’t matter, anyway,’ she chuckled darkly. ‘I stopped going.’

‘Jinx.’

Caitlyn moved in closer again, reaching out for another embrace. Like all their problems could be solved by touching each other.

It didn’t work like that. Some issues could never be fixed.

‘Don’t.’ Jinx backed away, teetering on the kerb. ‘Don’t get all concerned and annoying. I’m fine.’

‘Yeah, you seem it.’

‘Ugh! If we’ve circled back to the whole wanting-to-help-me schtick, don’t fucking bother. You don’t know me, Caitlyn! Why the fuck d’you think you can help me!?’

Why was she still entertaining this? She needed Fade and a long bath, not the headache of a night spent one on one with this insufferable woman.

Once they reached the house, there’d be no chance to slink away, no alone time like Caitlyn had promised. They’d fall into bed and fuck until they passed out, or worse, stay up until dawn talking about their fucking feelings. The signs were all there. Desire and scrutiny manifested in sour words, blistering eye contact and enduring touches. A heady craving to consume and pick each other apart until only bones remained.

The road to Caitlyn’s only led to mistakes and pain. Before they left the party, Jinx thought she wanted it, or that she didn’t care, but the crisp evening air sobered her enough to make her doubt.

Maybe she’d call a cab and head home? Or walk? A couple hours’ exercise might’ve worked off the aching urge swimming low in her belly, teasing and wetting her core. Caitlyn sent her body into overdrive, chaotic and frenzied.

She needed calm. Quiet. Her own bed for the night. Her own space.

She shoved past Caitlyn. Tried to picture the route back to her apartment and block out the hurt and betrayal dashed across that beautiful Piltie face. Fuck. She had to pass the house, there was no other way. Unless she scaled the roofs and leapfrogged over the houses and buildings, there was no shortcut.

Wait, could she…? She’d always had a knack for climbing. Hmm. Maybe if she jacked up on Shimmer first? It would certainly make her bold enough to try.

Tempting… But nah. Jumping over the tops of buildings? Sounded like something from a fucking videogame. Whatever. She’d take her chances on the ground; couldn’t avoid it.

Onwards bound, right foot hovering mid-air, Caitlyn grabbed her wrist. Forced her to stay.

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn asserted. A tired rasp tugged at her voice.

‘Okay…?’

‘You’re right. I can’t help you.’

Caitlyn let go, and Jinx’s wrist flopped to her side. Free to run, she remained rooted.

She wanted to leave. Why the fuck couldn’t she leave?

‘But I care, Jinx. I care about you.’

Caitlyn cared? Even after Jinx fucked up. Had she forgiven her?

How much did she care? If Jinx ran, would she follow? Would she take off her heels and sprint barefoot across Zaun? If she saw Jinx getting high, would she stop her? Judge her? Storm off like Vi?

How far did that care extend? What could break it?

‘Please,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘Don’t push me away. Not again.’

‘Maybe I can’t help it? Ever think of that?’

‘No. You have more self-control than that.’

‘I really, really don’t.’

‘You can practice.’ God, Caitlyn really believed her own bullshit, didn’t she? ‘You can try. If you want to.’

‘Who’s to say I want to?’ Hands in her jacket pockets and a nasty scowl on her face, Jinx stepped into Caitlyn’s personal space. ‘Maybe I want nothing to do with you.’

‘Maybe.’ Caitlyn raised a sceptical brow, not intimidated in the least. ‘And maybe I’m fucking Mel.’

‘Why would you say that!?’ Jinx’s mouth fell open in shock at Caitlyn’s cruelty. She balled her fists and clenched her toes. She felt like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

‘Because it’s equally fucking ridiculous!’ Caitlyn laughed, shrill and abrupt.

‘What!?’

‘I swear to Janna, look at us, Jinx! What the fuck are we doing, arguing in the middle of the street like a couple of wankers!?’

‘Wankers? Speak for yourself.’ A new wind of sarcastic asshole ripped through her. She giggled, short and sharp. ‘…or not. I guess Mel’s been a real help in that area.’

‘Fucking hell!’ Caitlyn doubled over in a throaty cackle, hands on her knees. ‘I missed this. I actually missed this!’ The stream of chuckles continued as she straightened back up and started pacing again. ‘What the fuck is wrong with me?’

‘What d’you want? A list?’

‘What do I want?’ Caitlyn mimicked. ‘Well, I don’t fucking want Mel, for starters!’

‘You don’t?’ Jinx didn’t believe it. ‘You have eyes, right? They work?’

‘Shut the fuck up! Yes, they work!’

Jinx held her hands up in surrender. ‘Just asking.’

‘They work,’ Caitlyn repeated. Took a second to level out her breathing. ‘You just… you have no idea what they see.’ She clutched her hands to her head again. Squeezed her skull. Her gaze stuck on Jinx; eyed her up and down. ‘You haven’t got a clue, have you?’

Jinx couldn’t stand it. Looked back at her boots. ‘…about?’

‘About me! About how I feel!’

‘I’m sensing anger.’

‘Oh, my fucking god, I could strangle you! You’re infuriating, did you know that!?’

‘It’s been said.’

‘You are. You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met! You’re intolerable, rude, thoughtless, reckless… You treat everyone around you like pieces of shit!’

‘I know.’

Jinx throbbed at Caitlyn’s words. That ol’ degradation kink, working its magic. She glanced back up. Studied the blind fury and unquestionable lust of Caitlyn’s dilated, shaking pupils, flushed cheeks, neck and chest aflame. A wide grin bloomed.

‘And yet, you missed me.’ The grin became a breezy laugh.

‘Oh, I wish I didn’t!’ Caitlyn wailed.

Jinx’s laughter receded to silence. There was Caitlyn, offloading all this pain and frustration, and Jinx got off on it. God, she was such a fucked-up asshole.

‘I wish I didn’t miss you!’ Caitlyn continued. ‘I wish… I wish that just one day during these past six months wasn’t wasted on missing you.’ Ouch. ‘Fuck it, one hour. One minute… You’re all I’ve thought about.’

‘…why?’ Jinx fractured. Not quite there, not anymore.

‘Because I like you, you complete and utter dickhead!’

‘Caitlyn.’ A helpless snicker passed Jinx’s lips. She hugged her arms tight around her torso. Stared back down at her boots and the concrete below, more reluctant to look at that face than ever before. ‘You’re supposed to be smarter than that.’

‘Well, I’m not!’

‘Clearly.’

Fuck, she really needed to leave. Go. Just fucking go.

‘See, now, this would be the part where you say you like me back, you know… so I don’t feel like such an idiot.’

Move! ‘Yeah…’ Fucking move! Get out of there!

Jinx took one last glance at Caitlyn’s face, marred by tears. The water made her eyes infinitely bluer. They dazzled like crystals. Like the sea at sunrise reflecting light.

Her fingers itched to wipe the tears away, but the rest of her wailed and howled in protest.

She’s too perfect. Don’t do this again. Don’t ruin her. Just go!

Numbness welcomed her like a friend. She looked towards the road. The way back to herself.

Go home. Get safe. Get high. Forget this ever happened.

And so, she did. She walked so fast she almost sprinted. Caitlyn’s cries died with the distance.

The second she could, she filled her tub with hot water and her brain with Fade. She didn’t want to feel. Didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to exist.

Asleep in the sanctuary of an endless bath, her head emptied to all but a few vital memories.

Her mother’s laugh… Vi’s piggy back rides… the warming tobacco of Silco’s cigars… Caitlyn’s infinite blue.

Chapter Text

The sweet freesia and vanilla of Caitlyn’s luxury soak overpowered the claggy air of the enclosed bathroom. Her gut swirled with the steam and the wine and the rejection. The window was in sight, to her left, just above the tub. In reach if she moved. She could’ve easily shifted onto her knees and turned the handle. The night air might’ve relieved some of the nausea eating at her. She pictured herself going through the motions, but she couldn’t take that leap and actually do it. Couldn’t move. Just lay in the tub, staring at the window.

Steam collected and cooled to droplets on the glass. Beads formed and trickled down to the sill. On any other night, she would’ve seen all that water collecting in the same place and stressed about the mould if she didn’t clean it up. But that night?

How long did it take for mould to grow in humid conditions like that? Had anyone ever timed it? Viktor probably knew. That brain of his held innumerable odd little science facts. Once the stabbing in her chest subsided in a few days, she’d ask him. Until then, the pain was all she had energy for.

Heartbreak was so dramatic. The rawness of it. The helplessness. At least with the divorce, she could rationalise and compartmentalise her feelings. Marriage was supposed to last forever; she was supposed to grieve that loss. But with Jinx there was no ‘supposed to,’ only ‘not supposed to go there.’ What they had or failed to have had no business existing. Doomed before it even began. And yet, there in that sweltering, sickly bathroom, she grieved.

Fuck ‘supposed to.’ Rejection was a bitch.

Was she a fool to place so much meaning on something so fleeting? They’d spent one night together half a year ago, and it had ended terribly. What the hell did she expect would happen when they saw each other again? Jinx pushed her away back then, she pushed her away after the party, and she would keep on pushing until Caitlyn stopped pulling that thread.

For most people, that would’ve been the end, but it didn’t feel like the end. It felt like Jinx just didn’t know how to let things start; how to cope with a connection that touched on something deeper than sex.

There was a pattern to Jinx’s behaviour, a truth woven throughout. Didn’t take a detective to spot it. Their connection was mutual, and Jinx was running scared.

The uninhibited, admittedly adorable, jealousy over Mel was perhaps the most obvious sign of Jinx’s real feelings. At the sight of them together, Jinx ruffled her nose and bared her teeth like a cat guarding its territory. And the way she asked Caitlyn about Mel? Her spiky questions seemed to sting her own tongue as they buzzed out of her, just as much as they stung Caitlyn. Especially when she asked about that night. Did that mean anything? Jinx had never sounded so small, so fragile. Because of course it meant something. To both of them.

Other clues mounted up. The prolonged stares and flickering eye contact. The fact they couldn’t stand apart for more than a couple of minutes, impulsively reaching out to touch each other, stand closer, breathe the same air. Even with voices raised, spewing harsh words, they couldn’t keep their distance. Then there was the moment Jinx held Caitlyn in her grip and bumped their noses together, almost kissing. God, she’d craved that kiss. But it would’ve been wrong to make a move.

Caitlyn knew Shimmer eye when she saw it; Jinx was wasted, in no condition to think clearly about her actions.

Why had she gotten so high? Was it being around Caitlyn, or did something else happen to Jinx at the party? Something that made her need to escape herself for a while.

Vi. Vi went after her when she ran from the kitchen. Something must’ve happened between them outside, because the next time Caitlyn saw Jinx, she was in the middle of a panic attack. She was so desperate to leave that she even took Caitlyn up on her offer of a place to crash for the night.

Why? Why did she implode like that? What happened with Vi!?

Caitlyn tilted her head to the side and stared at her phone by the sink. Within reach if she stretched hard enough. Shooting Vi a text would be so easy. She wouldn’t get suspicious of Caitlyn asking about Jinx; the fact they left the party together was no secret. She could tell Vi about Jinx’s meltdown and ask what might’ve caused it. A seemingly innocuous, well-meaning question might’ve provoked a revealing answer.

Tempting. A little amoral, but tempting… Something or someone at that party had rattled Jinx to her core, and Caitlyn would’ve bet her fucking inheritance that Vi had some involvement.

The only problem was the timing of it all. She’d gotten into the bath around midnight, and at least half an hour had passed since then. Maybe more. With all her zoning out, she’d lost track. She couldn’t waste any more time. If she waited until the morning, Vi would’ve sobered up, and a sober Vi was much less talkative about her problems. If Caitlyn called that night, however, she might’ve caught Vi still drunk from the party, susceptible to spilling her guts, especially when offloading about her little sister.

That decided it.

With a swift, determined force, she flung herself out of the brimming tub. Water lapped at the sides and splashed onto the granite tile beneath. Standing calf-deep in the warm bath, she shoved the window open wide and took a few hastened breaths of fresh air. Crouched to pick up her towels. With one wrapped around her hair and the other hugging her body, she alighted onto the fluffy bath mat and grabbed her phone.

As she scrolled through her contacts to find Vi’s number, a message pinged, followed by a rapid succession of others. All from Jinx.

cait

this acc ur no ??

sksjsjsjsk

prob not

nehwo

jsyk

nmdore u

im sry

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Caitlyn stared at her phone in shock. Tightened the towel around her chest, like it could’ve helped her somehow.

Her scheme of calling Vi fell to the wayside as she translated Jinx’s drabbles:

Cait… This actually your number? … [laughter] … Probably not… Any who… Just so you know… I adore you… I’m sorry… [kisses]

She read over the messages again and again.

Nmdore u. I adore you.

Her heart would’ve swollen at the confession, but the typos revealed a concerning level of intoxication.

She replied:

Jinx? Are you ok? You’re not making sense.

Jinx:

ik

aha

wyd

Caitlyn:

I’m about to go to bed and sleep. You should too.

Jinx:

cant

com orve

pls

What the fuck? Jinx wanted her to come over… What the actual fuck?

Caitlyn:

Are you serious? You sound completely wasted. Go to sleep and we can talk tomorrow if that’s what you want.

Jinx:

pls

im sry

pls

Caitlyn:

This isn’t fair, Jinx. You can’t storm off like you did earlier, then expect me to come running to your apartment just because you decide to be sorry.

Go to sleep.

Barely a second later, Jinx called. Caitlyn almost didn’t answer, but she had to. The texts alone were evidence that Jinx was struggling. Asking for help, maybe, in her own way. She’d said sorry, and please, and that she adored her. If Caitlyn didn’t pick up that phone, Jinx might never have willingly spoken to her again.

She slid the call to ‘answer’ and put it on loud speaker so she could dry off and get ready for bed.

Jinx didn’t make a peep.

‘Hello?’ Caitlyn rang out her hair and carded a blob of leave-in conditioner through the ends. ‘Jinx? Are you there? You called me.’

‘…I, um… hi…’

Jinx sounded nothing like her usual self. Her voice was deep and croaky and lethargic, like a recording played in slow motion.

Okay. She was high on something other than Shimmer, but what? More importantly, was she safe? Was she alright to be on her own?

Maybe that was why she wanted Caitlyn to come over? To keep her safe. Fuck.

‘Jinx?’

Caitlyn tried not to panic but her chest felt like it was in a vice. Squeezing tighter and tighter and tighter until it snapped.

‘Jinx, talk to me. Are you safe? Where are you right now?’

‘…mm… bath.’

‘Bath?’ Tighter and tighter and tighter. ‘You’re in the bath? Right now?’

Oh god. Wasted in the bath. Jinx could die. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—

‘Wet.’ Jinx giggled but it caught in her throat, making her cough.

‘Right.’ Caitlyn carried the phone with her as she hotfooted it into the bedroom. ‘Jinx, listen to me, alright?’

An incoherent groan was all Jinx gave in response.

‘Listen, I’m coming to get you.’ She pulled on the first clothes she could find. A pair of workout leggings, a white vest top and her old hoodie from the academy. ‘Give me, uh…’ She slipped on her running trainers, fetched her car keys and handbag. ‘Ten minutes. Okay? Stay on the phone with me.’

‘…uh… uh huh.’

Caitlyn dashed downstairs and through to the garage in record time. Hurled herself into her car, livened up the engine and sped off.

The drive across Zaun to Jinx’s wouldn’t take long at that hour, but every second was critical. If Jinx passed out…

Her foot pressed harder on the gas.

‘Jinx!’ She yelled to cut through the sounds of the city as she sped towards the apartment. ‘Still with me?’

‘…mm.’

‘Good. Okay. I won’t be long, okay?’

‘…mkay.’

Buildings whizzed past in technicolour. The city felt like a photograph or some vivid dream. Like it wasn’t real. Like none of this was happening.

‘Talk to me,’ she urged. ‘You have to stay awake, understand?’

‘…ye.’

‘Okay. Okay, stay awake Jinx. Talk to me.’

‘…Ca… Cai…?’

Jinx tried to say Caitlyn’s name but couldn’t get her mouth around the words. It hurt to listen to.

‘Yes?’ Caitlyn’s voice cracked.

‘…mm slee.’

‘You’re sleepy, I know, but you have to stay awake until I reach you, okay?’

‘…tufurto.’

What? Tufurto? Oh! Two-four-two. Her flat number. ‘Yes. Yes, I remember. Two-four-two.’

‘…tufurty.’

‘Two-forty? What d’you mean?’

‘…key.’

‘Key?’

‘…te get in.’

Ahh. The neighbour in two-forty must’ve had a spare key for Jinx’s place. Smart girl.

‘Okay, brilliant. That’s brilliant Jinx! You’re doing so well!’

More low and rugged laughter rumbled through the speaker, and Caitlyn smiled alongside. The roads weren’t too busy, traffic lights mostly green, and now she had a solid way to get inside. Things were looking up. Just a few more minutes and she’d be there.

‘…Cait?’

‘Yes?’

‘…thank you.’

The second Jinx finished her thought, the line cut out.

‘No! No, no, no, no! Shit! Fuck!’

Had Jinx hung up? Had her phone died? Did they lose reception? What!?

Caitlyn couldn’t try the call again without pulling over and wasting precious time. Her only choice was to floor it the rest of the way and hope to hell everything was okay.

At the security door to Jinx’s building, Caitlyn buzzed every floor number, every button she could press. Someone had to let her through. After a minute that felt like an hour, she got lucky. Once inside the stairwell, she pounded up the steps two at a time. Thank god she’d worn her trainers; she moved like her feet were on springs.

On Jinx’s floor, she sprinted down the corridor. The brass digits of apartment two-forty shone, a dull beacon of hope. She struck the door as hard and loud as she could. If they were sleeping, they sure as shit wouldn’t be for much longer.

Almost instantly, a young woman dressed in a pink, leopard print onesie, with bright, lime green hair, answered the door. A onesie in the middle of summer? There wasn’t nearly enough time to pick that peculiarity apart. The woman’s lips, balanced with two snake bite piercings top and bottom, spread into a wide, peppy grin.

Caitlyn tried to mirror the smile and keep Jinx’s neighbour at ease, but her stress won out.

‘You know Jinx in two-four-two. I need her keys. Now.’

Not even an introduction or hello first; her mother would never have forgiven the rudeness.

Well, her mother failed to forgive a lot of things, and failed to understand a great deal more. Manners were overestimated, especially in times of crisis. Fickle smiles and platitudes didn’t save lives.

The woman frowned a little, emphasized by the ball piercings sticking out of each eyebrow, but she quickly shrugged it off. Looked Caitlyn up and down and gave a discreet nod.

‘Sure thing. Two secs, hun.’

Just like that? No further explanation required…? Jinx had done this before, hadn’t she?

Leaving the door ajar, the woman hurried into a nearby room to fetch the keys. Caitlyn fidgeted while she waited. Chewed on the skin around her thumb. Balanced from one foot to the other. She couldn’t stand still. Couldn’t wait any longer. She closed her eyes and saw Jinx’s lifeless body.

‘Look, this is urgent!’ She yelled through the open door. ‘What’s taking so long?’

‘Sorry!’ The woman replied from the other room. She sounded genuine, at least. ‘What’s the problem, anyway? Did she lose ‘em again?’

Ah, so Jinx was prone to losing her keys. That explained the woman’s nonchalance. Not like it was Jinx asking for her spare, though. Caitlyn was a complete stranger to her. Wasn’t she a little concerned, or curious?

‘Not exactly,’ Caitlyn replied. ‘She’s inside but, uh… she can’t let me in right now.’

‘Rightttt,’ the woman trilled as she came back into view, set of keys looped through her left thumb. ‘And you are?’

Finally, a sensible question.

‘Caitlyn,’ she said. ‘Jinx’s friend.’ Why did she say it like that? ‘She asked me to come round and—’

‘Ah-ah!’ The woman chuckled and raised her hand to stop Caitlyn from saying any more. ‘I don’t need to know what she gets up to with her booty calls. It’s fine. Here.’ With that, she held out the keys. ‘The pink and blue one’s hers, but the rest’re mine so, y’know, bring ‘em back when you’re done.’

‘Of course.’ Another swell of relief afforded Caitlyn a sincere smile. She held out her palm and the woman dropped the keys right into it. ‘Thank you.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ the woman snickered as she closed her door back over, ‘any time.’

The bundle of keys rattled in her anxious grip. Jinx’s pink and blue stood out amidst a sea of silver and gold. She sidestepped across to Jinx’s door and let herself inside. Slammed the door behind her.

‘Jinx!’

The layout unravelled in her mind’s eye. Bathroom next to the bed, behind a cloudy glass-paned door with an old, rickety handle. Caitlyn dashed towards it, no time or bandwidth to process the general disarray of the apartment, or the putrid smell coming from the kitchen. It didn’t matter; she’d clean it later. All that mattered was Jinx.

Bursting through the door, Jinx’s presence alerted her immediately. Her head lolled backwards, eyes closed, mouthing a stream of gibberish.

‘Oh, thank fucking god!’ Caitlyn wasn’t religious, but she thanked Janna and whoever else was up there, too.

Jinx was alive! Slumped in the brimming tub, completely naked, but alive.

A brief scan of the room apprised her of the situation. The dress and fishnets Jinx wore to the party lay scattered on the floor by the toilet. Strewn across the sink and countertop were crumbs of stray powder. Fade. Distinctive for its grey, lifeless colour, Caitlyn would’ve recognised that filth anywhere. A brutal, deadly drug. It plagued the under city almost as much as Shimmer.

Her heart broke to know that Jinx had gotten caught in its web. How long had this been going on? Did Vi know? Was that what they’d argued about at the party?

An empty baggy sat by the tap. Jinx must’ve taken whatever she had left of it; the whole bag in one sitting would’ve rendered her dead long before Caitlyn reached her. Given Jinx’s current state, she was just high. Very, very high.

She knelt at Jinx’s side and cupped her face. Examined the deep grey rings beneath her eyes and purple veins mottling her pale cheeks. Jinx looked exhausted, drained of energy. Fade operated like that. Emptied people. Left them hollowed-out husks.

With a sigh, she tapped Jinx’s cheeks lightly to get her attention. Jinx squinted and pulled a face like a baby woken prematurely from a nap.

‘…C a i t l y n ?’

‘Yes, Jinx, it’s me. I’m here, okay?’ She tried to keep an even tone, but she couldn’t hide her concern.

Jinx was conscious, great, but her skin was cold to the touch. The bathwater, too.

Another wave of panic hit and tears welled in Caitlyn’s eyes. How long had Jinx been lying there, wet and freezing and alone? A couple of hours? More!? She could’ve gotten hypothermia. Fucking hell.

‘Let’s get you out of there.’

Jinx’s dark brows arched in an unspoken plea, and she gave a slow nod in agreement.

Built-in shelves to the right of the sink held a plethora of toiletries, with a few towels tucked away towards the bottom. Caitlyn jumped to her feet and grabbed the nearest one. Returning to the tub, she spread it across her chest.

With a gentle but persuasive pull, she encouraged Jinx to wrap her arms around her shoulders so she could get a good grip and hoist her up, into the towel’s embrace. Jinx’s soaking mop of messy blue braids weighed down her small frame, making her harder to lift. Caitlyn’s muscles strained with the effort. She grunted and cursed under her breath, but it was over in a few seconds.

Out of the bath, Jinx stumbled and groaned, unable to stand on her own or form a coherent chain of words to complain about it.

‘It’s okay,’ Caitlyn soothed. ‘Relax into me.’

Jinx leant her full weight into her, while Caitlyn enveloped her in the towel and patted her dry, trying to warm her up a bit.

Over Jinx’s head, Caitlyn spied a black rectangular object submerged at the bottom of the cloudy bathwater. Jinx’s phone. That explained the abrupt end to their call, then. She must’ve lost the motor skills required to hold it.

Another thing for Caitlyn to sort later. Never mind.

With a straight back and bended knees, she swept Jinx up off the floor and cradled her across the threshold, out of the bathroom and onto the bed.

Sat upon the mattress, Jinx adjusted to the change with a shiver. Huddled further into the towel with her knees pulled to her chest, leaving just her head poking out. She seemed less close to sleep. A little more lucid.

Leaving Jinx to acclimatise, Caitlyn fetched the drowned phone from the bath and pulled the plug to drain the tub. Hurried into the kitchen to search for a bowl and some rice. Checked every cupboard. Nothing. Whatever crockery Jinx owned piled high in and around the sink. The only scraps of food in the place were a pack of mouldy doughnuts by the microwave, a bag of trail mix, and a shrivelled, sorry-looking lemon half in the fridge door. Could’ve been there for months, given the state of it. Maybe even since she was there last.

Oh, Jinx.

Well, unless trail mix could save the day, there was little hope for the phone. Mission: failed. Caitlyn left it dripping on the coffee table on her way back to the bed.

‘Pyjamas?’ She asked, approaching the only chest of drawers.

Jinx gave a small nod. Yes, pyjamas lived there, somewhere… Caitlyn rifled through the drawers, pulled out a pair of comfy-looking briefs and an oversized t-shirt. Something light for the summer night. She tentatively lay them beside Jinx.

‘Are you okay to put them on?’

With uncertain eyes and a wobbly bottom lip, Jinx nodded.

‘Okay. I’m here if you need me.’

Without pause or concern for her own modesty, Jinx let the towel fall from her shoulders. It bunched around her waist on the mattress, leaving her entire top half exposed. Caitlyn’s eyes didn’t wander; focused on the brittle yet determined expression on Jinx’s face.

Moving like a sloth, Jinx picked up the t-shirt and searched for the hole to poke her head through, slowly shifting the fabric in her shaking hands, trying to assess and remember how it worked. It was like she’d never worn a t-shirt before. Caitlyn could’ve cried. Jinx’s mind at its base level understood advanced engineering, but on Fade she couldn’t even dress herself.

She glanced back at Caitlyn with tears in her eyes. ‘Heh… help?’

‘Of course.’

With gentle hands, Caitlyn took the t-shirt from Jinx. The arm and head holes had plenty of room, easy to slip onto her without fuss. As it settled into place, cascading over her slight frame, Caitlyn lifted Jinx’s braids out from under the material and let them fall around her shoulders. Still sopping, they would soon soak through the fabric.

‘I’m going to put your hair up, okay? It’s too wet like this.’

Jinx nodded feebly, ‘mkay.’

With a careful urgency, Caitlyn untied and untangled each braid.

‘Brush?’

Jinx gave a pointed stare towards the bedside table to Caitlyn’s rear left. Sure enough, an electric blue brush, almost the same shade as Jinx’s hair, sat next to a paper lamp, atop a stack of books. She grabbed it and continued her work. Jinx’s thick, mile-long tresses were difficult to tame, but Caitlyn knew a trick or two. Tackling it in segments and with vigorous effort, she soon had most of the knots dealt with. Ready to scoop into a bun, out of the way. She twirled the great mass of hair together and fixed it into a loose nest atop Jinx’s head, repurposing the bands Jinx used for her braids to tie it all in place and prevent it falling out overnight.

While she worked, she stood over Jinx with her chest and torso at face level. Somewhere, amidst all the brushing and toiling away, Jinx rested her head on her stomach and let out a small sigh. Breathed her in. Wrapped her weakened arms around Caitlyn’s waist, anchoring their bodies together.

With Jinx’s hair taken care of, Caitlyn kissed the top of her head and stroked down her back, keeping her close and comforted.

‘Briefs,’ she mumbled. The last step before Jinx could lie down and get some sleep. They were close by, so she picked them up without breaking away. Dangled them in Jinx’s line of sight. ‘These next, okay?’

Groaning in defiance, Jinx let go of her hold around Caitlyn’s waist. Free to move, Caitlyn knelt at Jinx’s side and threaded her feet into the leg holes. Pulled them up as far as Jinx’s knees before realising the next part was… probably too intimate.

Their fingers grazed as Jinx took hold of the fabric, relieving Caitlyn of her duty and discomfort. Some instinct for privacy must’ve kicked in at the back of her mind. She shimmied the briefs further up her thighs, then stood and used Caitlyn’s shoulder for balance as she pulled them into place.

Confronted at eye level with Jinx’s pubic hair and outer lips, Caitlyn looked to the floor. She’d seen it all before, sure, but given the circumstances, she didn’t want to make things awkward or sexual.

Jinx made an ambiguous sound, either a huff or a chuckle, then cleared her throat. ‘Done… You can, uh…’

Caitlyn raised her head and met with Jinx gazing down at her, still gripping her shoulder to stay upright. Her knees ached from the floor, but it didn’t bother her. The hazy, needful look in Jinx’s eyes had her full attention. She reached up and stroked her cheeks. They’d warmed up since the bath. She smiled at that, relieved for the umpteenth time in the last hour.

With a contented moan, Jinx nuzzled into her touch and squeezed her shoulder, putting more weight on it. For a second it seemed like Jinx might collapse, but she didn’t.

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn hushed. ‘Bedtime.’

What happened next? What would Caitlyn do while Jinx slept? In all the palaver, she hadn’t considered what came afterwards. Should she go back home and act like nothing happened? Should she crash on the couch and spend the night in case Jinx took a turn for the worst?

‘…Caitlyn?’ Jinx said her name with surreal tenderness. ‘Er you… er you real?’

‘Of course.’ She continued stroking Jinx’s cheeks, hoping she would feel how real she was. ‘I’m right here.’

Jinx took Caitlyn’s hand from her face and studied it as though looking upon some mesmerizing artefact in a museum. Ran a finger along the map of veins threaded beneath her skin, the hard tips of her knuckles, turned it over and caressed the soft pad of her palm.

‘See?’ Caitlyn pressed. ‘I’m here. I’m really here.’

‘Huh.’ Jinx giggled, but her expression soon fell. Her eyes rolled deep in their sockets like she was about to pass out. She fought the urge. Stomped the floor in defiance as she pulled herself back from whatever brink she’d stumbled upon. Tightened her grip on Caitlyn’s hand and laced their fingers together. ‘Will you… will you stay?’

Would she stay? How could she refuse?

‘Of course. I’ll find some blankets and set myself up on the couch.’

‘No,’ Jinx insisted. It was the most like herself she’d sounded since Caitlyn arrived.

Hand still linked with Caitlyn’s, Jinx sat back on the bed and tilted her head towards the expanse of mattress. She then broke away completely and budged over to the other side. Tapped the spot left in her wake, intent on Caitlyn joining her.

‘Jinx, I don’t know if that’s such a—’

‘Please?’

Waiting for a reply, Jinx rolled onto her side, facing away. Like that night. But this time was different. This time, she wanted Caitlyn to lie beside her. She’d asked for it. Pleaded.

No one, in all her years of dating and falling for women, had ever shaken Caitlyn like Jinx had. She still felt angry about how they’d left things after the party, that rejection still stung deep in her heart, but she couldn’t stay mad. Not enough for it to override her other feelings. This was Jinx at her most raw and vulnerable. This moment transcended their fight and all that had come before. Standing over Jinx’s curled up body, Caitlyn could hardly even remember what they’d argued about. None of it mattered anymore.

She stripped to her vest top and underwear, cast the damp towel to the floor, and crept into the bed. It was a little cold where the towel had been, until the proximity of their bodies warmed her up. Summer nights like those weren’t great for sharing a bed, but she’d suffer through the heat if Jinx needed her to.

After a few minutes, she tossed onto her side, facing Jinx’s back. Freed her legs from the stifling duvet. Much better. Jinx must’ve felt boiled over, too; she pulled at her t-shirt and wiggled her way out of it. Flung it across the room and lowered the duvet so it barely covered her hips.

In the dim moonlight, Caitlyn’s eyes explored the angles of Jinx’s form newly on display. The juts of her shoulder blades, the hint of ribs and spine and hip bone poking out from the sheets.

Jinx seemed thinner. Had she been eating properly since they last met, or had all the Shimmer and Fade and gods knew what else affected her appetite? A question for the morning. Or not at all. Caitlyn knew from personal experience how a well-meaning comment about one’s weight could spiral and morph into something harmful and biting. Best left unsaid.

She closed her eyes. Tried to quiet her concern by hatching a plan of action. Come morning, she’d wake early and clean the apartment, especially the kitchen. If she had time, she’d head to the shops in The Lanes and fetch some groceries, then come back and prepare breakfast. Jinx would at least eat one good meal that day.

The only potential spanner in the works was Jinx herself. How would she feel if she woke up sober with Caitlyn in her apartment, having cleaned and cooked in it like she lived there? Would she still want Caitlyn around?

Would she even remember what happened?

Caitlyn huffed, frustrated by the uncertainty of it all.

Jinx shivered and groaned at the draught from the extra breath against her bare skin. Flipped over so they were face to face, breasts to vest top. Caitlyn didn’t look; focused on the flicker of Jinx’s eyes behind her lids, the tiny pout of her lips and sporadic twitch of her nose. Stray bangs had fallen down from her messy bun, framing her face. Without thinking, Caitlyn reached across the sliver of space between them and ran a hand across Jinx’s cheek, tucking the errant hairs behind her ear. Jinx stirred at the contact and her eyes opened to narrow slats. Caitlyn pulled her hand away and rested it under her pillow, alarmed that she’d woken Jinx up.

‘…Caitlyn?’ Jinx spoke into the silence.

‘Hmm?’

‘Can you… can you hold me?’

Heart in her mouth with nerves, Caitlyn shifted closer. She lay on her back and Jinx curled into her arms, head resting in the soft dip between breast and armpit.

Caitlyn fell asleep listening to Jinx’s steady breaths.

Chapter Text

The tap dripped shiny water. Ice cold on her right big toe under the faucet. Drip, drip, drip. Colder and colder. Until she couldn’t feel it anymore. Like it wasn’t hers.

Hot water submerged the rest of her in a warm, watery bed. She could’ve slept there. Forever, maybe. Sounded nice, sleeping forever in the warmth. Except her toe.

If she stayed there, some part of her would always end up left out, sacrificed to the cold.

Alone.

Always alone.

Jinx woke with heavy eyes, limbs of lead and sore, chapped lips. She’d slept with her mouth open, leaving her tongue to dry out like a fish floundering in an arid riverbed. Nothing a little water wouldn’t fix. She’d fetch some… eventually. No rush. Exhaustion held her down; moving seemed impossible. Plus, the bed felt so cosy. With a contented sigh, she wrapped the duvet tight around her shoulders, cocooning herself in the warmth.

How much Fade did she take in the end? Definitely more than her usual couple of lines before bed. She’d wanted to lose herself, but the ‘why’ of it all hadn’t stuck around.

What happened? What was yesterday?

Vi’s engagement party.

Of course.

Pink and red. The vibrant hues of a cherry tree in the afternoon sun. Sighs and scowls and smoke whispering between the bloom.

Right. She and Vi fought. What the fuck else was new?

Who else did she see? Wasn’t Ekko there at some point?

She hugged him and it felt like home.

Wait. How did she get home?

She had woken up at home, right?

As fast as her pulsing head permitted, Jinx sat up in bed and pushed the duvet to the side. A chill settled in straight away. She shivered and wrapped her arms around her torso. Ah. No top. Her boobs were just there, hanging out.

Oh well. Not the first time she’d woken up half-naked after a Fade-hole, and it wouldn’t be the last.

Bathed in orange and green lamplight from outside, the black of a discarded t-shirt poked out from the floor at the end of the bed.

Still dark. What time was it?

With great effort, she crawled forward, hooked a finger under the top and slipped it on.

A sweet fragrance wafted at her out of nowhere. Sweet vanilla and… something floral. Not her usual stale smoke and cheap cologne. Weird. She sniffed the material. It smelt like her; nothing sweet about it.

If not the shirt, where had that smell come from?

She lay back down, and it hit her again, stronger this time.

The bed? Had the smell come from the bed? But how? She’d slept alone in that bed since—

Caitlyn.

It smelt like Caitlyn.

A vision in purple. Dark mauve dress and a high ponytail. Midnight blue.

Gods, so much blue. She could’ve drowned in it. Maybe she did? Figuratively, anyway. Why else would Caitlyn’s scent be on Jinx’s pillows, sheet, duvet…

A body stirred beneath the covers on the outer side. Blue hair poked out.

What the fuck!?

Jinx couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Questions gnawed and chewed and scratched at her skull.

Caitlyn. In her bed. Why the fuck was Caitlyn in her bed? Did they leave the party together? Did they hook up again?

Part of her had wanted to; part of her always wanted to. But fuck, she’d lost count of the number of times she’d woken up with someone in her bed, unsure of what they had or hadn’t done, or if she’d even been conscious during it at all.

Caitlyn wouldn’t have… would she?

No. No! Caitlyn would never take advantage in a situation like that. If they’d had sex or even kissed, Jinx would’ve known. She would’ve remembered. She trusted that more than perhaps anything else in her life. Caitlyn was better than that. She just was.

Jinx closed her eyes. Tried to put everything in place. There was the party, and then what?

She couldn’t wake Caitlyn and ask, could she? That seemed… well, humiliating.

Where was her phone? Maybe her phone held the answers?

With aching limbs and spacey vision, she eased herself out of bed, ambled into the main living area. Coffee table: phone. Jackpot. She picked it up, expecting the lock screen to light up and invite her in. It remained black. The thumbprint sensor did nothing.

Ugh. Okay. Where was her charger? Near the TV. Right.

She plugged the phone into the little charging cable and waited for it to light up. Do its thing. Charge already!

Nothing. Not one tiny blip of life. Why wasn’t it working?

Plop. Phone, meet bath.

She buried her face in her hands and tried not to scream her throat raw. She’d broken her phone. Great! Was that before or after she’d invited Caitlyn into her bed?

What other stupid bullshit had she gotten up to?

Jinx downed a couple of painkillers and a glass of water to ease her comedown, and slumped back into bed. Lying poker straight, she tried one last time to remember something. Anything that might’ve helped. Anything the Fade hadn’t taped over.

Concrete passed beneath her feet in a grey blur as she stomped ahead. On and on and on down the road. Away from the party. She looked back, in search of Caitlyn’s face. A face she needed, but didn’t want to see.

They drew closer. Linked fingers. Brushed lips. Parted once again.

Whatever words they’d said were lost to her, but the feelings remained. Anger, jealousy, betrayal, desire. So much emotion. Confusion.

Heavy strides became a sprint, swallowing up the road ahead.

Then she was back in the depths of Zaun, miles away from comfort, lining up her stash in a blur of tears and sniffles, running a hot bath to burn out the cold in her heart.

So, she and Caitlyn had argued, almost kissed, argued some more. She’d ran home, lined up what remained of her Fade, and— plop. That meant that between taking the Fade and dropping her phone, she must’ve contacted Caitlyn. The one person she wanted to see. In the most pathetic way possible, it made sense. Jinx was lonely, and Fade plus loneliness equalled contacting her—

What was Caitlyn to her? They weren’t lovers; Jinx had pushed Caitlyn out of that role as soon as she’d fallen into it. Were they on an awkward journey towards friendship? She didn’t want that, either. Friends rarely stuck around.

Anyway, gods knew what she’d said to her, but Caitlyn must’ve panicked and swooped on over at the drop of a hat, like Jinx was dying or something. Stupid... Hat Lady.

Jinx took a deep, unsteady breath. Regardless of why Caitlyn was there, she needed to leave.

Sitting up and crossing her legs, she nudged Caitlyn’s shoulder, trying to wake her with minimal drama. No response. Fuck. She tried again with more force.

Caitlyn grumbled and rolled onto her back, frowning at the mild disturbance. She seemed awake, and Jinx prepared for eye contact. Then her breathing levelled back out and her mouth fell agog, while a wayward left arm flopped onto Jinx’s thigh. Despite the duvet between them, Jinx winced and shifted away from the pressure of Caitlyn’s touch.

Up against the wall, knees digging into her chest, she watched as Caitlyn’s eyes flickered behind her lids in the midst of a dream.

What was she dreaming about? Would she remember when she woke up?

Jinx hummed. Tilted her head to get a better view. Even passed out with drool collecting in the corners of her mouth, Caitlyn was beautiful. Peaceful. But Jinx couldn’t share in that peace for long.

Crawling forwards, she reached out to touch Caitlyn’s cheek. Tapped it just hard enough to register with her sleeping brain.

Another frown led into a groan, which led to Caitlyn’s arms stretching wide above her head and her eyes winking open, one at a time. A few blinks, and she was in the room. They observed each other in a heavy silence.

Jinx tapped her foot on the mattress between them. Her face remained blank while her mind chewed itself up. What could she say?

Gee, thanks for giving a shit, but you can fuck off now…!?

Caitlyn sat up, mirroring Jinx’s position. ‘Jinx,’ she rasped groggily. ‘What, um…’ Scraping her hair to one side, out of her face, she took a glance at the moonlight outside. The dark of the apartment. Looked back at Jinx with an uncertain smile. ‘What time is it?’

Jinx shrugged. She didn’t know, and she didn’t have the use of her words just yet.

Moving slow, Caitlyn fetched her phone from the nightstand. Checked the time on that. ‘Just gone five.’ Her gaze flicked from the phone to Jinx, forehead creased in concern. ‘How’re you feeling?’

Hmm. How did she feel? How did she feel!? Nauseous. Tired. Thirsty as hell. Confused as fuck.

Caitlyn’s presence antagonised her. Every instinct screamed to kick her out onto the street and tell her to forget last night. Forget everything they’d ever shared. Forget Jinx even existed. But she couldn’t say it. Couldn’t want it enough.

Always alone.

Everyone abandons us, Jinx.

Shut up.

‘Do you need anything?’ Caitlyn asked. ‘Water, or—’

‘What’re you doing here, Caitlyn?’ Jinx dug her nails into her arms to contain herself. All of her terror and battling emotions threatened to spill out at once.

‘Oh, um…’ Caitlyn worried at her lip. Darted her eyes back around the room. Ran her hands repeatedly over her arms. Why was she so on edge? ‘I hoped you’d remember.’

‘I do, genius. I meant why haven’t you left yet.’

Caitlyn was smart, right? Had her brain malfunctioned? Was she the high one now? If she had any sense, she would’ve walked out the second she knew Jinx was alive, and never looked back. Yet somehow, after everything, Caitlyn stayed. She didn’t even seem angry. Fuck, she was still trying to take care of her.

What was wrong with this woman? What did she want? What was her motive?

‘You asked me to stay… to share the bed with you.’

‘I know what I asked,’ Jinx said. ‘Why’d you go along with it? We didn’t hook up again...?’

She needed to hear Caitlyn say it hadn’t happened. That there was some other reason they’d woken up together.

‘You were out of it, Jinx.’ Caitlyn’s expression darkened. ‘I would never—’

‘Okay!’ She jumped on Caitlyn’s words. Couldn’t let that sentence round out. ‘Then why?’

‘You asked,’ Caitlyn repeated. Such infuriatingly simple logic.

‘Ugh!’ Jinx groaned and pulled a face like she’d tasted rotting fruit. ‘Do you do everything people ask? What are you, a service droid?’

It didn’t sit right. Caitlyn wasn’t supposed to drop her life to be there for Jinx. It wasn’t Caitlyn’s place. Jinx wasn’t her problem. She was Vi’s problem, then Silco’s, then nobody’s.

What happened to fending for herself? Why did she have to keep throwing herself at Caitlyn? Damn Fade.

‘That’s gratitude for you,’ Caitlyn retorted.

‘Yeah well, you shouldn’t’ve bothered.’

‘Jinx, you needed help.’

‘With what? Scrubbing my back? Getting into all those hard-to-reach nooks and crannies?’

‘You could’ve drowned.’

‘I would’ve been fine.’

Would she? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, not Caitlyn’s problem.

‘No, you wouldn’t have.’ Caitlyn’s voice raised; finally, some rage. ‘Do you think I’m an idiot? I saw all that powder on the side. The empty bag...’ She sighed. ‘Fade, Jinx? Why’re you dabbling in something so dangerous?’

‘Dabbling?’ Like Fade was a paddling pool and Jinx was merely dipping her feet?

‘And what about the Shimmer?’ Caitlyn demanded. ‘I saw your eyes at the party. Pretty hard to miss.’

Jinx splintered inside. Never could keep secrets, could she? Not about herself. People always figured out how much of a gigantic mess she was. All they had to do was look at her long enough, and they’d see.

Did everyone else at the party notice, too? Jayce, Mel stupid-face Medarda, Ekko, that cool dude with the crutches (what was his name again)? Had she fooled no one?

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she fronted.

‘Have you forgotten what I do for a living?’ Caitlyn snapped. ‘You can’t imagine the kind of shit I’ve seen on duty; what these drugs do to people. They destroy lives... Why would you take something that does that to you?’

‘Please. You sound like a drug safety brochure.’ Jinx rolled her eyes until she saw stars. ‘Just say no, kids.’

‘This is serious, Jinx. You were completely out of it last night. It terrified me. If I hadn’t come over when I did—’

‘Yep, I could’ve died,’ Jinx drawled. She could’ve. She really could’ve. ‘Maybe next time.’

‘Is this a joke to you?’ The fear and frustration in Caitlyn’s voice prickled Jinx’s skin. ‘Why don’t you care about yourself!?’

Ouch.

Jinx burned up. Her throat felt like it was closing. She couldn’t swallow. Buried her face in the neck of her t-shirt. Pressed the balls of her wrists into her eye sockets. Her chest rattled with each strangled sob.

Okay, maybe she didn’t care. Maybe death didn’t sound so bad. Maybe her actions bordered on the suicidal sometimes. They really didn’t have to talk about it. Couldn’t they just fight and fuck or something? Why did Caitlyn have to ask all these impossible questions? Why the fuck was she still there!?

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that...’ Caitlyn lay a hand on Jinx’s arm. Her touch was delicate and uncertain, like she expected Jinx to reject her. Correct assumption.

Dropping the shirt from around her face, Jinx swatted Caitlyn away like a fly. They locked eyes; Caitlyn filled with compassion, whilst Jinx felt ready to combust.

‘Don’t fucking touch me,’ she warned. Her voice trembled more than she’d expected it to, but it got the message across. ‘You’re leaving. Now.’

‘No, I’m not,’ Caitlyn said, like she had a choice. ‘Not when you’re like this.’

‘Like what, Cait? What am I like?’

‘Aside from being a pain in the arse, you’re clearly—’ Caitlyn took a measured breath. ‘I don’t think… I don’t think you’re fit to be left on your own right now.’

‘Really not up to you, Hat Lady.’

‘Hat Lady…?’

‘Yep. The way you came running to the rescue last night at the drop of a hat,’ Jinx teased with a cruel grin. ‘Didn’t you have anything better to do? Pretty pathetic.’

Caitlyn sucked her teeth, the only sign of her frustration. Just explode, already!

‘Call me what you want,’ she said, almost like a threat. ‘I’m not leaving until you at least have some breakfast with me.’

‘Breakfast?’ Huh? What? Huh?

Her anger dissipated. All she could do was gawp at Caitlyn in bewilderment.

Caitlyn took the opportunity to reach out and give Jinx’s arm a little squeeze.

This time, Jinx didn’t mind the contact. Despite herself, she liked it. Maybe even needed it. Weakness seeped into her skin like rain through thin clothes.

After a few seconds with no reaction, Caitlyn added a few reassuring strokes. Her lips turned upwards in a half-smile, and Jinx mirrored it.

‘Please don’t do anything like that again,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘You’re way too clever to do something so stupid, you know.’

Not true, no such thing as too clever for something like that, but Caitlyn could believe whatever she wanted. Arguing suddenly seemed like too much effort. And besides, Caitlyn was half-right. Jinx’s actions were stupid and self-destructive. She deserved punishment.

She flicked her gaze to a patch of duvet between them and scowled, while Caitlyn continued stroking, drilling holes in Jinx’s dwindling defences.

Why was Caitlyn being so nice? Couldn’t she just yell and tear her apart like Vi? That would’ve made a lot more sense.

With one final comforting pinch of Jinx’s arm, Caitlyn swivelled her legs to the floor and yanked on a pair of leggings. She must’ve discarded them during the warm night.

As she smoothed the tight fabric over her curves, Jinx caught sight of the faintest flash of bare skin. More than enough to excite. Her memory filled in the blanks, mind alight with lovely firm thighs and the best, most biteable butt cheeks she’d ever seen...

With her bottom-half covered, Caitlyn pulled a hoodie over her head and left the bed.

‘Looks like it’ll be dawn soon,’ she mused as she peered out the window. ‘Shall we?’

‘Sure...’

Jinx watched as Caitlyn strolled across her apartment, raising a brow at the uncharacteristically relaxed outfit. It suited her a little too well. That ass in those leggings, especially...

Jinx bit her lip. Fuck. Why did Caitlyn have to look so good all the time?

‘Two secs, I gotta pee.’ She needed a minute alone to recalibrate. And maybe get high. Heh.

‘Of course.’ Caitlyn chased her words with a yawn as she wandered towards the kitchen area. ‘Coffee?’

‘Uh huh,’ she hurried, one hand on the bathroom door, ‘I’ll make some!’

‘Oh, you don’t have t—’

She locked herself inside, cutting Caitlyn off.

Okay, her excuse wasn’t a total lie. She did need to pee.

Sitting on the toilet, she plotted her next move. If they were having breakfast together, she needed Shimmer to liven her up a bit; keep her in people mode until Caitlyn finally left. Luckily, she’d stashed baggies of it all over the apartment in case of... well, not an emergency, per se, but it helped. Easy access, you know.

She flushed, washed her hands, and checked her usual hiding place. There it was, a little bag of glittery nectar, squished into a jar full of bath bombs, salts, and the like, gathering dust on the shelf by the sink. Phew! She pried it out, opened it up, went to curl a fingernail into the powder, and—

Wait.

Shimmer was a no-go. Caitlyn would see the tell-tale pink in her eyes the second she stepped back out. She just needed something to take the edge off. Anything. Mouthwash, even! It was all alcohol. Caitlyn would smell the mint and think Jinx had just brushed her teeth or something.

The bottle sat by the sink, goading her in all its lurid, emerald horror. She chugged a couple of caps full, gagging as she forced it down. Vile, but useful. She wiped the dribble from her mouth and gripped the sink.

The otherwise white porcelain was dashed with grey around the corners of the basin, near the taps, and on the attached countertop. The remains of her Fade.

Could she...?

Sometimes the best cure for a comedown was more of the shit that put you there in the first place. Dog hair. Or was that just for alcohol? Fuck it.

She licked the finger she’d almost dipped in the baggy and ran it along the sink, trailing it anywhere she spied a morsel of goodness. With every speck accounted for, she sucked it all off her finger. Bitter chemicals danced on her tongue, seeped into her gums and saliva. She swallowed and licked her lips like a cat preening itself after a feast.

Paired with the shots of mouthwash, it was enough to dull her senses, make the next hour or so a fraction more bearable. She didn’t feel overly high or drunk, just lightly toasted. And, if her reflection was anything to go by, none of it showed in her face. Caitlyn wouldn’t have a clue.

Jinx left the bathroom to the ear-splitting screech of a kettle coming to the boil and covered her ears. Her hands blocked out most of the sound, but it still made her wince as she approached the kitchen.

‘Caitlyn, what the fuck!?’

‘Coffee!’ Caitlyn heaped a couple of tablespoons of grounds into a cafetiere and poured in the boiling water.

Jinx... Jinx had a cafetiere? Since when? She didn’t even know she had that much coffee left, let alone something to make it with. Caitlyn couldn’t have brought it over last night, could she? No. No, that would’ve been weird. But then, what—

Oh. It had a golden plunger. That was the... That was the cafetiere she’d bought Silco for his fiftieth. Only person she’d ever met who liked their coffee as sweet as she did. Man child. Fuck, she missed him. She couldn’t remember keeping it, but, well, she’d kept so many of his things. Useless junk, mostly. Sentimental shit no one else cared about, not even Sevika.

Actually, Sevika had wanted that cafetiere, hadn’t she? The ogre and the fucking rocket fuel she always brewed in that thing. No wonder Jinx still had it buried in her kitchen. Like fuck would she let Sevika lay one finger on anything else her dad cared about.

She’d claimed The Last Drop as hers, and he trusted her with that. Trusted her with his more covert business, too. But that was all she got. No exceptions. Everything else was Jinx’s.

Caitlyn rested her hands over the top of the golden plunger and slowly, slowly, sank it down. Just like Silco used to. They each took the same level of care not to spill any. Whenever Jinx tried it as a teen, she got over-excited and plunged it too fast, sending the coffee everywhere. All up the side of Silco’s chair, one time. She mopped it up while he chuckled and sipped his syrupy soil, pinkie finger out like always.

What was the coffee like in Stillwater? Probably undrinkable for someone with refined notions like his.

He must’ve hated it there. Especially when she never visited. He knew why she didn’t, but still...

‘There’s no milk.’ Caitlyn’s voice pulled Jinx back to the present. ‘Is sugar okay on its own?’

‘Uh... yeah...’

The world seemed hazier than before. Maybe the concoction she’d taken in the bathroom hadn’t been such a good idea. Or maybe it was all the nostalgia.

She screwed her eyes shut and shook out her limbs, then eased herself onto the sofa. As she curled up, her lids grew heavy. Nothing the coffee wouldn’t soon fix, she supposed.

Caitlyn stalked over, a brimming hot mug in each hand. One for Jinx, one for herself. She placed each mug onto the coffee table then dashed back behind the kitchen counter.

‘As for food—’ Caitlyn opened the snack cupboard and picked out the only thing inside: a huge bag of Jinx’s favourite.

‘You found the trail mix?’ She lit up, tummy rumbling. ‘Gimme!’

‘It’s hardly a meal, but... enjoy.’ With a soft eyeroll, Caitlyn threw the bag across the divide, straight into Jinx’s lap.

‘Uh, it so is. Best meal ever.’

‘You can’t be serious.’

‘Oh, but I am,’ she said, deadpan. ‘Protein, fat, sugar, salt... what else could you ask for?’

‘Fruits and vegetables, perhaps?’ Caitlyn sneered.

‘Raisins’re still fruit. Kinda. And, actually, peanuts are legumes, which, y’know, technically a vegetable… Actually, wait, no. Vegetables don’t exist.’

‘Something not out of a packet then.’

‘Meh,’ Jinx shrugged. ‘Overrated.’

‘Overrated?’ Caitlyn snickered and shook her head into her coffee, as she settled into the armchair.

The same armchair Jinx had occupied all those months ago...

Without meaning to, she pictured that night. The hunger they had for each other. The unabashed want. Years of unexplored sexual chemistry made flesh. And so much flesh. Hers, and Caitlyn’s. All that smooth skin. Clawing fingers. Biting kisses.

She hadn’t been fucked like that before or since. Guys like Dustin could never compare. Wouldn’t know where to start. It might’ve been the mouthwash talking, or maybe the sheer, bizarre fact that Caitlyn had just made coffee in her pigsty of a kitchen, but Jinx wondered if she should return the favour. Hat Lady had earned an orgasm or three, surely? If she wanted. If she still even saw Jinx in a sexual way after... everything.

Jinx tried in vain to think of something else.

‘So, uh... you don’t want any?’ She asked, sheepishly holding up the bag of trail mix.

‘Have at it.’

‘Suit yourself.’

So, Jinx dove in while Caitlyn sipped her coffee.

Several rounds of savoury nuts, cloyingly sweet raisins, hard-shelled chocolate candy, and a whole mug of coffee later, Jinx had almost built up the nerve to make a move. Not quite, though. Not without some kind of segue into it. First, she had to get Caitlyn heated, like they were back then.

‘What’re you gonna do now?’ She poked her chin out, feigning confidence. ‘Turn me in? Charge me with possession or whatever?’

‘Why? Would that help?’ Caitlyn spoke in a serious tone, her mouth taut and stern, not a lick of her usual flirtation and mockery. ‘I wouldn’t do that to you, Jinx.’

‘Why not?’ She pressed, desperate for a better reaction. None of this bullshit. Something real. More like them. ‘Even with all these dangerous narcotics lying around my apartment? Not too good at your job, are you?’

‘I’m excellent at my job,’ Caitlyn said. ‘Sometimes other things take priority, that’s all.’

‘Like what?’

‘A person’s needs.’ Caitlyn sighed with impatience, but not the fun kind. Ugh! ‘Is a prison sentence really what you need right now, Jinx?’ She harped on, leaning forward for maximum impact. ‘Think about it. Possession of Fade and Shimmer. That kind of drug charge could get you quite a few years inside.’

Jinx huffed. Fine, they really weren’t flirting.

‘Initiatives around stomping out addiction have incentivised the council’s legal team to go hard on drug crime in general,’ Caitlyn continued. ‘Then there’s your history with the law to consider; your affiliation with Silco… You’d be a prime candidate for the maximum sentence they could possibly hand out. They’d sign your life away, and they’d look good doing it.’

Yeah, no shit.

‘With the maximum sentence, you’d be looking at up to twenty years in Stillwater, just for being an addict. If you steered away from drugs in there—which is a very big if, by the way—you’d sober up after a few months. But what then? How would you spend your time? Who would you speak to? How would you cope, confined to a cell all day? It would be torture, Jinx. What on Runeterra makes you think I’d let that happen to you?’

‘Because it’s what you do, Cait,’ Jinx stated plainly. ‘You arrest people every day. Good people, probably. Why not me? Like you said, I am a criminal.’

‘Do you seriously need me to spell it out for you?’ Caitlyn seethed, sending tingles up Jinx’s spine.

And there it was, that spark, just when Jinx had given up trying to ignite it.

Jinx grinned, opened her mouth to unleash the mother of flirt-bombs, and—

Ping! Caitlyn’s phone received a text. Joy of joys.

Caitlyn donned her best poker face as she read the message, quickly replied, and put her phone back into her pocket. Curiosity: spiked.

‘...who was that?’

‘No one,’ Caitlyn lied, all shifty. Went back to sipping her coffee like nothing had happened.

Right, so it was Vi. Or maybe—

Mel Medarda’s hand on Caitlyn’s back.

The memory came and went in a blink, and Jinx fashioned her newfound suspicion into a glib smile.

‘No one?’ She probed.

‘Fine,’ Caitlyn sighed. ‘It was Mel.’ Knew it. ‘She was just checking in, making sure you’re okay.’

‘You didn’t—’

‘Tell her about all this?’ Caitlyn shook her head. ‘Of course not.’

‘Then why—’

‘You left the party in a pretty bad way, Jinx,’ Caitlyn interrupted again. ‘She was worried.’

‘Why would she—’

‘Because she—’

‘Oh, my fucking gods, can you let me finish one fucking sentence!?’

‘Sorry,’ Caitlyn backed off, guilty. ‘What were you going to say?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’ Jinx felt childish even while she said it, but this conversation wasn’t remotely fun anymore, and the mouthwash and Fade had worn off enough for her to feel antsy and uncomfortable. ‘Shouldn’t you be leaving? We’ve had breakfast now. Wouldn’t want to keep Mel waiting.’

‘Jinx—’

‘I’m not an idiot, Cait. She was your date last night. You’re seeing her, right?’

‘No, she was my plus one,’ Caitlyn demanded. ‘We’re just friends.’

‘Sure.’

‘Yeah, you didn’t believe me last night, either,’ Caitlyn teased. ‘Doesn’t make it any less true, though. Mel’s a friend, Jinx, nothing more.’

She cocked a disbelieving brow. ‘Prove it.’

‘Alright, let’s see,’ Caitlyn bit back. ‘If Mel and I were dating, do you really think I would’ve left her at the party to take care of you?’

‘Wouldn’t surprise me.’

‘Moreover, would I really have left her in bed, ditching her for the second time in one night, to race across town because you needed me? You, my ex’s sister, whom I officially have nothing more to do with?’

‘Huh.’ Yeah, probably not.

A smirk played across Caitlyn’s face, easing some of the tension in Jinx’s bones.

‘She would’ve thought you and I were having an affair,’ Caitlyn concluded. ‘Not far from the truth, I guess.’

‘Fine,’ Jinx conceded with a smile of her own. ‘You win, Hat Lady. Only a single loser like you could ever be horny and desperate enough to come to my rescue like that.’

‘Not exactly what I meant.’ Caitlyn’s grin widened, then fell a little. ‘I would’ve come regardless... You know that, right?’

So serious again. Couldn’t they skip to the fun part?

‘You’re...’ Caitlyn tapped the side of her mug, preparing for her next words. ‘You’re important to me, Jinx. Very important.’

‘Pfft, since when?’

‘You know when.’

Jinx as in Jinx... I care about you... I missed this... I like you, you complete and utter dickhead!

Caitlyn’s words reverberated around her skull. Not like the woman had been subtle about her feelings. If Jinx wasn’t such a coward, maybe she’d—

Nah. Topic change. Think of a topic. Any topic.

‘What’re we going to tell Vi about what happened last night?’ Caitlyn asked. ‘If anything.’

Right, any topic except that one. Thanks, Caitlyn.

But shit, that was... that was what she and Vi fought about at the party, wasn’t it? Her sister realised she was high and stormed off.

‘Vi’s done with me,’ Jinx said. ‘She wouldn’t care.’

‘She would,’ Caitlyn argued.

‘Enough to do what you did last night?’

‘Of course.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, Jinx, of course.’

‘Funny,’ Jinx smarted. ‘She knew I was high at her party and did fuck all about it, but sure, she totally would’ve trekked across town in the middle of the night just because I asked her to.’

‘Oh.’ Caitlyn frowned, displeased by the revelation.

‘Typical Vi, right?’ Jinx’s laughter cut the air, sharp as a blade. It really did amuse her. ‘At least she’s consistent.’

‘Even so, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t care,’ Caitlyn urged. Still fighting Vi’s corner. ‘After so many years spent looking after you, dealing with the fallout of... well, everything... I think she just... she doesn’t have the patience for it anymore.’

The patience? Since when did Vi have patience for anyone? What the fuck? Did that mean Caitlyn’s would run out someday, too?

‘It has fuck all to do with patience,’ Jinx almost yelled. ‘I’m not her priority, and I haven’t been for a very long time.’

‘Jinx, that’s not—’

‘No, it’s true.’ She balled her hands in tight fists, spiralling into a rant. ‘Vi’s always been this way, ever since we were little. At the orphanage, I was all she thought about. She protected me, did everything for me; we were all each other had. And now? Pfft. It’s like... like she can only give a shit about one person or thing at a time.

‘First, Silco got between us, and she fixated on getting me away from him, never mind how little Pow-Pow felt about it all. Then you came along and sucked up all her love, and I faded completely into the background. Now you’re gone too, and it’s Seraphine’s turn. You and me’re old news. Might as well—’

Might as well go die. Or run away together. Either, or.

She gulped, choking on those last, unspoken words.

Caitlyn clutched her mug, shoulders hunched, face crumpled.

‘Fuck!’ Jinx buried her face in her hands. Whacked her palms against her forehead like she could fix the signals coming from her brain. Why was she like this!? Why did she have to say that about Caitlyn? Vi’s crappiness wasn’t Caitlyn’s fault, nor did Caitlyn’s worth hinge on Vi’s validation like hers did. Why the fuck did she say it like that? ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’

‘Hey, it’s okay.’ Caitlyn joined her on the sofa, enveloping her in that sweet, floral smell of hers. ‘Shh...’

Firm, soothing strokes ran up and down Jinx’s back and the base of her neck, while another hand found the fingers clutching her face and latched on until she loosened her grip. She fell limp in Caitlyn’s arms. Let herself be held, comforted.

‘I’m sorry,’ Caitlyn said, though she’d done literally nothing wrong. This was all Jinx being Jinx. Fucking everything up like always. ‘Things with Vi are complicated, I know that,’ she continued. ‘I shouldn’t’ve brought it up. Not right now.’

‘Don’t be sorry,’ Jinx rasped, staring down at her bare lap. She felt tiny, like a helpless fledgling kicked from the nest. ‘You’re...’

You’re perfect.

Never had Silco’s last spoken words to her felt more fitting. But she couldn’t say them. Not to Caitlyn. It would’ve revealed far too much. To both of them.

Feeling a slight chill, she cuddled further in, twisting her body so her legs draped over Caitlyn’s while her head rested between shoulder and chest.

With just that oversized t-shirt on, she was half-naked. Jinx smirked as she met with the soft swell of Caitlyn’s breasts beneath the fitted hoodie. It hadn’t occurred to her until that second, but they’d gotten themselves into quite an intimate position.

Jinx’s heart rate picked up. Did Caitlyn feel it too? Wouldn’t have taken much to find out.

She gazed upwards. Followed the line of Caitlyn’s clavicle, up to her neck, jaw, lips, cheekbones. And finally, those eyes, already glued to her. Watching her.

For how long? Where else had she looked?

‘I, um...’ Caitlyn’s lips moved, and all Jinx could think about was kissing them. ‘I don’t have to stick around... I can go soon if you—’

‘Go?’ No.

‘If you want?’ No, no, no! ‘I have to—’

Jinx grabbed Caitlyn by the scruff of her hoodie and pulled her into a stiff, one-sided kiss. ‘Don’t go,’ she begged, peppering her cheek and neck with more kisses, more desperate affection. ‘I don’t want you to go. Please don’t.’

Once again, she’d asked Caitlyn to stay. Couldn’t even blame it on the drugs in her system this time. She might’ve felt embarrassed if she weren’t so turned on. She set her teeth and tongue to one side of Caitlyn’s neck, dancing her fingernails along the other.

‘Stay,’ she implored.

‘But I...’ Caitlyn groaned, sinking under Jinx’s spell with each new sensation. ‘I have to... give your neighbour... her key back.’

‘Huh?’ Neighbour?

Spell on hold, Jinx pulled herself away from the sweet skin she’d craved for months and focused her glazed eyes on Caitlyn.

‘Two-forty,’ Caitlyn reminded her, pupils fixed on Jinx’s lips.

‘Oh... Zeri.’ Why were they talking instead of making out? ‘You have Zeri’s key?’

‘She’ll be, um...’ Caitlyn brushed a hand along Jinx’s cheek, tucked some hair behind her ear, ran her thumb along the protruding jawline there. ‘She’ll be wanting it back.’

‘So?’ Jinx leant her head to one side, offering up her neck like a prize.

Caitlyn could’ve strangled her for all she cared. Fuck, it would’ve been hot if she tried. But the mood wasn’t right for angry hate sex like that. It felt tender. Fragile. Like she could’ve breathed wrong and ruined it all.

Her expression shifted from desire to unbridled fear, but she kept her eyes on Caitlyn’s. Her heart beat on display, at Caitlyn’s mercy.

‘I guess it can wait,’ Caitlyn smiled. Gripping behind Jinx’s neck ever so softly, she leaned in for another kiss. ‘One other thing... If we’re doing this, you should know this can never be anything serious. Not after—’

‘The divorce?’

Yeah, she expected that. Nobody ever committed themselves to Jinx, anyway. Why would Caitlyn be different?

Still, it stung a bit.

‘Right,’ Caitlyn nodded, bringing her forehead down to rest on Jinx’s. ‘Is that okay?’

‘Duh!’ Jinx laughed off her pain and kissed Caitlyn’s cheek. That wasn’t her heart aching in her chest. She wasn’t that person. ‘Do I look like girlfriend material to you, Kiramman?’

Don’t answer that.

Caitlyn just smiled, as if to say no. Nothing more needed to be said.

‘So, we’ll, uh... we’ll keep things casual?’

‘Yep,’ Jinx affirmed with a forced grin. ‘Casual.’

Chapter Text

The evening summer sun hung low on the horizon as Caitlyn drove home. Burnt pinks, purples and oranges swirled in the distance, mixing into each other like the tones of an oil painting. The city’s skyline shone in the light, buildings glittered all around her, and the concrete on the road ahead sparkled like diamonds.

After the day she’d spent with Jinx (mostly in bed), even the mundane seemed beautiful. Her comfortable grip on the steering wheel; her toe on the accelerator; the marvel of the mechanics of her car, propelling her forward. A fresh wave of warmth and contentment flushed her cheeks. Half a year of pining and turmoil had her thinking it would never happen, but she and Jinx weren’t skirting around their connection anymore. They’d found their groove. A fun, casual fling.

She could already hear Jayce’s reaction. Wow! Little Miss Commitment in a casual fling!? Did you also get a lobotomy? The imagined taunt rang in her ears, like he was right there in the car with her.

Fuck off, Jayce, just— ‘Fuck off.’

She squeezed the wheel a little too tight. Rays glinted off the tarmac, forcing her to squint and fumble around in the glove compartment for her sunglasses. Distracted and flustered, she almost missed the turning for her road. Forgot to indicate and swung wide into the wrong lane. There wasn’t much traffic around to risk a collision, but she panicked. Hastened to correct her mistake.

Once straightened up, she beeped her horn loud and shrill, cursing her recklessness. Caitlyn hadn’t driven so poorly since... since the night she left Vi.

Okay, the Jinx situation left a lot to be desired. Casual didn’t quite hit the mark the way she wanted it to. But how else could they have continued? Jinx would’ve freaked out if Caitlyn suggested anything serious, and even if that wasn’t the case, Caitlyn still felt broken from the divorce. How could she commit to someone and wholeheartedly trust in that process after the spectacular failure of her marriage?

She had told herself Vi was the one. Planned their future together. Mapped it all out, every step of their journey. And she loved Vi. Really loved her. Enough to ignore the cracks and potholes in the concrete, the speed bumps and weather warnings along the way. She couldn’t pinpoint when that changed. When love stopped blinding her. But it did. Little by little, the rose-tint faded until it disappeared. She stopped loving Vi despite her flaws. Instead, she resented them. Turned off at the next junction. Barrelling headfirst into Jinx-land, apparently.

Regardless of their arrangement, how Caitlyn felt about Jinx wasn’t casual in the least. Thoroughly unhinged seemed a more accurate description. She would lose her job if Marcus ever caught wind of the shit she’d overlooked. Her status as a Kiramman couldn’t shield her from the law. Not when her mother would rather punish her than seek to understand her motives. But Jinx was worth the risk. Whatever it took to keep that girl safe and free.

Gods, she felt insane.

As promised, she met with Mel for lunch. Mel had chosen the place; The Leviathan, a Noxian seafood bar and grill, tucked away down one of Piltover’s backstreets. Caitlyn had never been. Never even knew it was there until Mel suggested it. Best seafood in the city, she claimed, there’s nothing else like it.

Caitlyn remained sceptical. Of the two rival coastal cities, Piltover’s cuisine had the edge. Regardless, she looked forward to seeing Mel again. She felt guilty for leaving her alone at Vi’s party. She’d had good reason, but still, Mel didn’t deserve to be abandoned like that.

Ambient music and the smells of the sea greeted her as she entered The Leviathan. Candles twinkled on each table. Most of the walls were a crisp white, warmed by the light, but the back wall, right of the bar, held a secret. A mural, painted corner to corner, top to bottom. The vivid reds and oranges of Noxian ships shone through like a battle cry. Impossible to ignore. Caitlyn moved towards it, responding to its call.

The longer she gazed upon the lifelike brush strokes, the more of it she noticed. The billowing greys and purples of storm clouds on the horizon, fighting against the sun rising through the torrent. The fiery sails propelling the ships through the murky, troubled waters of the Ionian sea. Waves with teeth, dark and menacing amidst sparkling blue. And the people on board the ships, barely more than dots and smudges; barely visible in all the chaos. The destruction of war versus nature. Someone so inclined could’ve waxed philosophical about it all for quite a few hours.

She chuckled to herself. What a strange thing to have pride of place in a seafood restaurant. Noxians were known for their propensity to war, but she hadn’t realised how much they revelled in it.

Turning away from the spectacle, she spied Mel waiting for her at a corner table for two. As always, she looked incredible. A sage halter neck blouse emphasised her shoulders and revealed an enticing level of cleavage. Caitlyn glanced away to avoid checking her out for too long. Sauntered over with the best poker face she could muster.

In greeting, they exchanged pecks on each cheek, a practice Mel seemed far more at home with than Caitlyn.

‘Oh, uh...’ She pulled away. ‘Hi. Good to see you again. That mural’s really something.’

‘That it is,’ Mel said. ‘I’m quite proud of it.’

‘Proud of it...? Oh!’ Caitlyn felt like a moron. ‘You’re the artist!’

She suddenly wanted to quiz Mel on every aspect of the painting. It had such a richness to it; the product of a tormented mind. What was Mel’s inspiration? How long did it take? How long had Mel been painting like that? A while, presumably. Long enough to hone her skill to an impressive level. Long enough for businesses to commission her.

Caitlyn was well and truly fascinated, but she couldn’t let it show. It would’ve been improper to bombard her friend with questions like that. Instead, she cleared her throat to compose herself, and continued with a quiet fondness.

‘Wow, Mel, it’s incredible,’ she said softly. ‘I had no idea you were so talented.’

‘Yes, well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.’ Mel smiled and returned to her seat. Gestured for Caitlyn to join her. ‘Please, sit.’

Stumped for words, she obliged. Nearly dropped her handbag to the floor as she secured its strap around the back of her chair and took her seat.

Thanks to the newness of their friendship, she wasn’t at home in Mel’s company yet, and resisting the urge to interrogate her about the mural only increased her discomfort. It showed in every flicker of body language. Without alcohol to loosen her up, she felt deeply on edge.

Plus, there were the matters of Mel’s objective beauty and Jinx’s jealousy to contend with. Meeting Mel for lunch might’ve ruffled Jinx’s feathers if she found out about it. Of course, simply telling Jinx (Caitlyn’s first instinct) was out of the question. Jinx had enough to deal with that day: namely, getting herself a new phone. She didn’t need to start spiralling about Mel and Caitlyn meeting for lunch. Caitlyn only wanted friendship, but Mel’s sex appeal coupled with Jinx’s paranoia made it... complicated.

‘I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of ordering our wine,’ Mel said.

‘Of course.’ Caitlyn restrained herself from physically jumping for joy. Wine. Yes. Please. ‘I’m intrigued to try what Noxus has to offer.’

‘From the Immortal Bastion itself,’ Mel proudly announced as she poured Caitlyn a glass of rich burgundy goodness. ‘No other Noxian wine is worth exporting, but this...’ She filled her own glass and took a sip. ‘This is the good stuff.’

‘Glad to hear it.’

With an eager smile, Caitlyn gulped some down. It was customary to drink fine wines with care, savouring each mouthful, but she hadn’t the patience. She needed the release.

‘How’ve you been?’ Mel asked with sincere concern. Caitlyn’s unease must’ve been palpable.

‘Me? I’ve been, um...’ She drank more. ‘I’ve been okay.’

‘Convincing,’ Mel scoffed, not convinced in the slightest.

Again, she drank more.

‘How’re things at the council?’ She diverted. ‘You’re still standing your ground against my mother, I hope.’

‘Always,’ Mel assured. ‘How’s Jinx?’

Caitlyn chewed on her lip. Had she known Mel would want to talk about Jinx, she might have cancelled.

‘She’s doing much better.’ Mostly true, Caitlyn reasoned. ‘Or she was when I left last night, anyway.’

‘You were with her all day?’

‘Yes. I had to make sure it was okay to leave her on her own after—’ Shit. She couldn’t reveal too much. Loose lips sink ships. She didn’t want to reveal anything Mel didn’t already know. ‘—after her panic attack at Vi’s party.’

‘Of course.’ Mel’s brow arched in judgement; hands clasped together beneath her chin.

What? What was so wrong about that? Did it sound off? Did Mel suspect something?

Before they could speak further, one of the wait staff popped up out of nowhere.

‘Hi there, ladies,’ he began. ‘I’m Howl, I’ll be your server today. Are you ready to order?’

She and Mel eyeballed each other and shrugged.

‘A few more minutes, thank you,’ Mel replied.

Why? So that Mel could resume her interrogation sooner...?

‘Actually, maybe you could recommend me something?’ Caitlyn tilted her head towards Howl. Anything to postpone the inevitable. ‘I’m told Noxian seafood’s the best, but my friend here is more than a little biased. What’re your thoughts?’

Howl donned a wide, handsome grin. ‘Well, nothing beats the local cuisine,’ he winked. ‘But if you’re looking for a taste of Noxus, I’d recommend the Drekan-spiced catfish.’

‘Hmm...’ Caitlyn pretended to ponder the suggestion.

‘Would you like to hear today’s specials?’ He offered.

‘Please.’

Caitlyn gazed at him as he rattled off the gems of their lunchtime menu, all memorised by heart and delivered with charm. She couldn’t stop staring.

Howl had a soft, intriguing androgyny about him. The prettiest hair she’d ever seen on a man, complemented by a faintly chiselled jawline and peridot eyes. His beauty almost had her questioning her sexuality, but she knew herself better than that. Rather than anything lustful or romantic, her attraction to him felt more akin to the awe and admiration evoked by Mel’s mural.

He must’ve moonlighted as a model in between waiting tables. No one who looked that good survived on service industry wages alone. Unless... The city provided other forms of service. If the rumours were anything to go by, Zaun’s brothels and strip clubs played host to plenty of pretty Piltovan boys like him. Jinx once tended bar in one of those places. Perhaps they’d crossed paths?

Caitlyn snickered into her wine. Everything just had to relate back to Jinx.

‘Anything take your fancy?’ Howl prompted.

Whoops, she hadn’t listened to a word of those specials.

‘Hmm,’ she blushed, a little embarrassed. ‘Perhaps the, uh...’

‘She’ll try the catfish, as will I,’ Mel insisted, meeting Caitlyn’s eye. ‘It really is the best.’

Mel’s impatient assertiveness felt insulting, but Caitlyn didn’t want to annoy her more than she already had.

‘The catfish,’ she nodded. ‘Yes, alright, I’ll try that.’

‘Perfect.’ With a smile and nod to both of them, Howl headed to the kitchen to put in their orders.

Caitlyn watched him go. Nice arse, too. If that boy wasn’t already a model, she’d have to get him in touch with someone. Her mother knew everyone.

With their meals ordered, a strange feeling settled in the air around them. The pressure of the need for conversation, but nothing so significant that it would lead back to the Jinx situation. Small talk, to the rescue.

Due to her social upbringing, Caitlyn had mastered small talk despite hating its lack of authenticity. Instead of saying anything true, small talk relied on polite, shallow exchanges. A script, of sorts. Except nobody ever admitted they were acting.

‘Well...’ Caitlyn let out a heavy sigh but turned it into a smile without thinking. ‘Lovely weather we’re having lately.’

‘Splendid,’ Mel drawled, fed up. Leaning forwards, she met Caitlyn head on. ‘So, what’s really going on with you and Jinx?’ Okay, so much for small talk. ‘I know the two of you haven’t always been so friendly.’

What!? ‘Friendly? What d’you mean?’

‘It’s just an observation, Caitlyn. Something’s changed between the two of you... I’m not accusing you of anything.’

‘Accusing me?’ She burned up. Her hands grew clammy. As a detective, she should’ve been better under pressure, but the whole Jinx situation made her crumble like a biscuit in tea. ‘What could you possibly be accusing me of?’

‘I don’t know,’ Mel said, oozing suspicion. ‘Getting a little too close, perhaps.’

Shit. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘You stayed the night,’ Mel said, all too matter-of-fact. ‘Then spent the whole day with her. It seems a bit... I don’t know. Intense.’

‘What’re you implying?’ Shit, shit, shit.

‘Nothing. Just... be careful.’ With a calm, almost eery smile, Mel topped up their glasses.

The fresh intake of red wine did little to ease Caitlyn’s anxiety. Whatever Mel knew, or thought she knew, she could never find out. Caitlyn needed to be careful, alright; she couldn’t let herself get spooked by her friend’s unwanted insight. Couldn’t let the truth slip out.

‘What’re you going to tell Vi?’ Mel asked.

‘About what?’

‘About Jinx,’ Mel clarified. ‘She must’ve been in quite a state. She might need her sister right now.’

‘Actually, uh... Vi and Jinx aren’t on speaking terms right now, so Vi’s out of the picture on this one. Not sure she really wants to be in it, either.’

‘Regardless, don’t you think she has a right to know?’ Mel pressed. ‘Trust me, if my brother were still alive, I’d want to know about whatever mess he’d gotten caught up in, and vice versa.’

‘Oh...’ Caitlyn filled with a sudden, severe guilt. She couldn’t relate, but she’d always imagined losing a sibling must’ve felt like losing a limb. ‘I had no idea you’d lost your brother. I’m sorry.’

‘That’s okay, it happened a while ago.’ Mel’s expression swirled with unspent anger and grief. ‘Kino was a soldier in the Noxian army.’ The inspiration for the mural? ‘He hated war, but fought in it anyway, all to impress our mother.’ She countered her pain with more wine. Cleared her throat and her emotions alongside. ‘Politics notwithstanding, he was a good man, and a little shit when he wanted to be. Always believed he could talk his way out of anything.’

Caitlyn smiled at that; he and Jinx might’ve gotten along.

‘I’m not trying to imply that I have some great wisdom on the subject of siblings, but... think about it. Is it really your place to keep this from Vi? They’re family; she might be able to help. What makes their lives your business at all anymore?’

Ah. ‘Well, I... I suppose it’s not my business, per se... but I could never go behind Jinx’s back like that.’

‘Behind Jinx’s back?’ Mel tilted her head in confusion. ‘What about Vi?’

‘What about Vi?’ Caitlyn cut.

Too harsh. If Jinx wanted details of her life kept from her sister, Caitlyn respected that. Hell, she’d fight for it. But lunch with Mel hardly constituted a battleground.

‘Sorry to snap.’ She recalibrated. ‘I just mean... if Jinx doesn’t want Vi to know certain things, why should I be the one to tell her? Why should anyone? Jinx is an adult, and Vi needs to treat her like one, which includes giving her the space to fuck up sometimes. The space to keep certain struggles to herself. Vi doesn’t need to worry about it.’

‘Sure, not while you’re doing all the worrying for her,’ Mel remarked. ‘I’m sorry if I’m out of line for asking this, but why are you involving yourself so much? You’re not Vi’s wife anymore. And what are you to Jinx? A friend, or just a familiar face? She needs support, certainly, but does it have to be you who gives it to her? I can’t tell you what’s best, but think about it. Other than clinging onto the past, what do you stand to gain from any of this?

‘If my relationship with Shoola taught me anything, it’s the importance of a clean break. Seeing her at work every day... it’s not easy... You and Vi divorced a year ago, but your life still revolves around her and her family. If you ask me—’

‘Which I didn’t.’

‘—for your sake, that tie needs to be severed,’ Mel firmly concluded. ‘Jinx is a part of your past with Vi. Days, weeks, or even months from now, you may wish you hadn’t clung on quite so tightly.’

Caitlyn shook her head, dismissing Mel’s concern. She appreciated her friend’s candour, but it also infuriated her.

Yes, she and Vi were divorced, and yes, they needed to go their separate ways. She had actively tried to. If anyone had clung to their past, it was Vi. Why else would she have invited Caitlyn to the engagement party and the wedding? But that didn’t seem to matter. Not to Mel.

It was hardly wrong for Mel to think like that. It made sense for her to feel concerned. If Jinx was in her life, so too was Vi, and vice versa. Caitlyn couldn’t deny that, even if temporarily estranged, the sisters came as a package deal. 

Soon, their meals arrived. Even Howl’s charm couldn’t break the tension bubbling between them. Mel’s honest words itched under Caitlyn’s skin, and she wondered if their fledgling friendship would recover from this.

The catfish tasted wonderful. She loathed every mouthful.

Reeling from her prickly lunch with Mel, and a little tipsy from all the wine, Caitlyn treated herself for the evening. She ordered in from her favourite Zaunian sushi place, followed by a bottle of whatever red wine the corner shop had on sale, a bar of creamy milk chocolate, and a night curled up on the sofa with the latest RuneFlix release. Perfect.

Two glasses down and over halfway through the movie – some trashy, terribly heteronormative crime thriller – Caitlyn’s phone buzzed. And buzzed and buzzed and buzzed. A call from Vi; what a perfect way to ruin her evening.

‘Hey, Cup—’ Vi cleared her throat. ‘Cait. Hey, Cait.’

‘...can I help you, Vi?’

‘Yeah, um, maybe,’ Vi fumbled. ‘I know it’s kind of a stab in the dark, and I wouldn’t normally even ask, but have you heard from Pow—’ She cut herself off again. ‘—Jinx... in the last couple of days?’

Hmm, had she heard from Jinx? And then some.

‘You helped her home from the party the other night, right?’ Vi asked, worry seeping in.

‘I did.’ Caitlyn leant forward, elbows digging into her knees. ‘What’s this about?’

‘Ekko can’t get hold of her. Neither can I, but, I mean, Ekko? She promised him she’d answer his next call. And, okay, we all know she isn’t the best with her phone, but she’s using again, Cait. I don’t...’ Vi’s voice cracked. ‘I don’t know what to do.’

‘It’s okay, Vi, don’t worry. It’s all going to be okay.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Actually, I do. I can explain everything.’

‘What? How?’

The truth was out of the question, but there were other convincing excuses at hand.

‘Well, as you already know, Jinx came back to mine in a bad way that night,’ Caitlyn began. ‘In the state she was in, she broke her phone.’

‘She broke it... what?’

The truth worked here. ‘She dropped it in the bath. Completely wrecked it.’

‘The bath? What the fuck? Why would she have a bath at the house? I mean, at your place.’

‘She needed to relax,’ Caitlyn said. ‘Clear her head a little.’ Or muddy it to the point of delirium, but Vi didn’t need to know about that side of things.

‘Okay, well, you still buy rice, right?’ Vi’s concern sounded more like blame with each passing second. ‘Why didn’t you dry it out? Don’t you remember when I dropped mine in the Pilt and we—’

‘Yes, Vi, of course, I remember,’ Caitlyn snipped. For gods’ sake. ‘If you must know, I didn’t have any rice in the pantry. But even if I did, I don’t think it would’ve worked. It was underwater for quite a while.’

‘Well, that was like two days ago, Cait. Where is she? I swear, me and Little Man’re this close to breaking into her apartment.’

‘Vi, calm down,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘Jinx is fine, you don’t have to worry. She has a new phone now. Or, at least, she was supposed to get one today. She must’ve lost yours and Ekko’s details, so, I’ll pass them on and ask her to get in touch, okay?’

‘Wait, wait, wait,’ Vi cut in. ‘How the fuck will you pass on our details? You see even less of her than I do.’

‘Because...’ Caitlyn sighed. This was impossible. ‘I helped her that night. We... we sort of... bonded.’

‘I’m sorry, you what now?’ Vi laughed in disbelief.

‘We’ve become friends.’ With benefits. And not much friendship.

‘You’re shitting me, right? You n’ Jinx are friends now? Seriously?’

‘We are,’ Caitlyn lied. ‘Listen, Vi, I have to go. I’ll pass on your concern.’

‘Yeah,’ Vi sighed, bewildered. ‘Look, just... just make sure she at least sends Ekko a text, so we know she’s still alive. Can you do that... as her friend, or whatever?’

‘Sure. Of course.’

‘Great. And Cait?’

‘Yep?’ Her patience had almost evaporated.

‘It, uh...’ Vi seemed to smile down the line. ‘It was good to see you the other night. At the party. Thanks for coming.’

Her heart ached at that. The sudden tenderness. ‘...of course.’

Vi hung up and Caitlyn stared at her phone. Clutched it to her chest. She may have lied about a friendship with Jinx, but perhaps she could still find that with Vi? There remained so much love between them, just in a different shape than before. Gods, she was such a fool. She could’ve had a special friendship with Vi. She really could’ve. But she just couldn’t resist Jinx, could she? There would always be Jinx.

Maybe a clean break would’ve been best for everyone, like Mel said. No friendship with Vi, no sex or romance with Jinx, no contact whatsoever.

She downed the rest of her glass and poured out another. Drained the bottle of every drop.

Phone still held against her heart, it buzzed again. A text, this time.

dtf?

Caitlyn grinned the second she read it. There was only one person who’d text her something like that out of the blue, and with an unknown number, no less. Excitement swelled within her, eclipsing all reasonable doubt.

She replied:

New phone successfully acquired, I presume?

Jinx:

new phone, new number

answer the question.

can i come over?

Ah. Caitlyn had planned to finish the movie and go to bed. To sleep. She had a meeting with Marcus in the morning and needed time to prepare. But Jinx wouldn’t want to sleep for at least a few more hours, and then she’d stay the night. Caitlyn would love every second, but her work would suffer. She couldn’t risk jeopardising her career anymore than she already had.

Caitlyn:

That would be great, but not tonight. Tomorrow? Xx

She added the kisses to soften the blow. To show Jinx affection in whatever small way she could.

Jinx:

...

i’m already outside >:3

Oh, for goodness sake. Well, that decided that then, didn’t it?

Glass in hand, Caitlyn slinked away from the plush sofa and opened her front door.

There Jinx stood, as forewarned, waiting to come inside. She smirked when Caitlyn met her eyes. Bloodshot whites and dilated pupils; Jinx was stoned. Just weed, nothing serious. At least that explained why she’d turned up with such little notice.

‘You might wanna put that glass down.’ Jinx’s gaze darted between the wine and Caitlyn. She bit her lip in anticipation and inched forwards, teetering over the threshold.

‘I haven’t let you in yet.’ Caitlyn took a pointed, drawn-out sip of her wine.

If Jinx thought she could show up high and demanding sex whenever she wanted, she at least deserved a challenge first.

Jinx shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and raised a cheeky, hopeful brow. ‘Are you going to?’

‘...haven’t decided.’

‘Pfft.’

Before Caitlyn could respond, Jinx pounced, flinging arms and legs around her at breakneck speed. Their lips crashed together. Caitlyn staggered backwards with a yelp of surprise, and then desire. Jinx smelt heady with weed and tasted like smoke. Intoxicating.

Holding Jinx tight to her frame in a stream of kisses and gropes, Caitlyn’s glass fell to the floor, wine splashing the hardwood. She barely noticed it, nor the slam of the door locking behind them, or the hastened journey to the bedroom, shedding clothes as they went.

Caitlyn surrendered all power, submitting to her lover with a throaty sigh. Jinx pushed her onto the bed, stripped her bare, and made her come harder than she knew possible.

Sometime between her fourth and umpteenth orgasm, Caitlyn noticed that the sun had set. Must’ve been at least ten o’clock. Time to sleep... later. She could sleep later, couldn’t she? Just one more. One more.

She shuddered, a sweaty mess under the relentless assault of Jinx’s skilled tongue and agile fingers.

‘I can’t,’ she heaved a shaky breath, heart thumping in her chest and ears. ‘I can’t come anymore.’

‘You sure?’ With a sadistic cackle, Jinx raised her head from between Caitlyn’s legs. ‘I didn’t even get my toys out yet.’

‘T... toys?’

Who in their right mind arrived unannounced at their fling’s house and brought sex toys like they’d planned ahead? The nerve of this girl.

‘Mm-hmm,’ Jinx nodded, pouting a little. ‘Real good ones, too. No way I can tempt you?’

Caitlyn clenched her fists in the bedsheets. She seriously couldn’t take anymore stimulation.

‘Not this time.’ She hoisted herself further up the bed and, once clear of Jinx’s head, closed her legs.

While Caitlyn moved, Jinx watched in awe. Keeping eye contact, she rubbed gentle circles over the top of her underwear. Her brow furrowed with need as tiny, desperate whimpers escaped her kiss-bitten lips.

‘Oh,’ Caitlyn smirked at the sight. ‘Do you want...?’

Jinx nodded between moans. Upped the pace of her strokes.

‘Where’s your bag?’ She hadn’t noticed one when Jinx arrived, but it had all happened so quickly. ‘Is it by the front door?’

Another nod.

Caitlyn motioned to leave the bed and retrieve said bag, but Jinx pushed her back in place. Huh? Why didn’t Jinx want her to get up?

‘I’ll go,’ Jinx insisted, darting to the door. ‘Save your energy.’ A mischievous wink, and she left.

Caitlyn shivered with anticipation. She was au fait with vibrators, strap-ons, and such, but gods only knew what Jinx liked playing with. She half-expected her to whip out handcuffs, rope, a paddle... the whole shebang.

The thought made her shiver again, down to her core. If something like that wasn’t on the menu tonight, maybe she’d plan for the future. She and Vi experimented with handcuffs a couple of times, but never anything more... advanced.

Jinx skipped back into the room, brandishing a bright pink dildo and harness. A few thrusts of that thing and Caitlyn would’ve keeled over in exhaustion. And where was the bag? Why hadn’t Jinx brought it in? Was she hiding something in there?

Caitlyn scoffed at her paranoia; she needed to disengage her detective brain and go with the flow sometimes.

Jinx crawled back onto the bed and sat on her haunches, gazing at Caitlyn with pure affection. ‘Ready?’ She beamed, and Caitlyn beamed back. It was impossible not to. ‘Don’t worry, I know you’re tired. You can just put it on, lie back, and, uh... I’ll do the work.’

‘Oh, you mean...’

Jinx nodded slowly, sending Caitlyn’s pussy throbbing back to life. It had been a long time since a woman rode her.

She spluttered out an ‘okay.’ Set about fixing the harness and everything else into place. Fit for the task at hand, she lay back down on the bed, as instructed.

Jinx slipped off her underwear and climbed into Caitlyn’s lap. Arched forward, raised her hips, lined up her position. Caitlyn cupped Jinx’s face and brought her closer. Lightly kissed her freckled nose.

Leaning into the touch, Jinx let out a strange giggle. Something about her felt off. Uncanny. Like an energy imbalance, or... hmm.

Caitlyn tilted her head slightly left for a better view in the dim light. Caught the shine of Jinx’s eyes. The rings around her irises glowed pink. She must’ve taken a hit of Shimmer when she left the room.

Okay, Jinx had hidden something in that bag of hers after all. But why? Why would she take Shimmer when they were about to—

Jinx ploughed down onto the strap, breaking Caitlyn’s train of thought.

Their breaths hitched in unison.

With a needy grunt, Jinx settled into a slew of rapid, rhythmic grinding. Caitlyn clutched her hips, tried to ease her movements, but to no avail. Jinx didn’t even seem to notice the hands on her. Her mouth hung open, eyes squeezed shut, lost in a world of ecstasy. A world Caitlyn wasn’t a part of.

‘Jinx, baby, are you okay?’

Baby? That was new. She hoped Jinx hadn’t clocked it. And if she had, that she at least liked it and wouldn’t make fun of her later.

‘Have you taken something?’

‘Just a little Shimmer,’ Jinx murmured. She hadn’t denied it, at least. ‘Makes things feel... better... sometimes. Does it... does it bother you?’

‘I don’t know,’ Caitlyn lied. But the truth needed voicing. ‘Yes. It bothers me.’

‘...why?’

‘Because you’re not...’ How could she explain it? ‘It feels like you’re not really here. Not with me. After the other night, I—’

‘This isn’t that.’ Jinx laced her fingers gently around Caitlyn’s neck and leaned in for a kiss. ‘You want to feel connected?’ Lips touching, she grinned and licked out at Caitlyn’s mouth. Nipped at her bottom lip, licked up her jawline, rasped into her ear. ‘I’m all here, I promise. I’m just... enjoying myself.’

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn nodded; she could accept that. For now. Especially with Jinx naked and grinding on top of her, bombarding her with attention.

Clutching the small of Jinx’s back, Caitlyn sat upright and manoeuvred Jinx fully into her lap. Skin to skin, held tightly in Caitlyn’s arms, Jinx’s erratic thrusting slowed to a gentle back and forth. They kissed, breathy and biting, moving as one. Sharing breaths and sweat and spit.

Mind on the brink of total abandon, Caitlyn pulled away a fraction. Searched Jinx’s eyes until they gleamed back at her.

‘Next time, can... can we discuss it first?’

Jinx stilled. Stared Caitlyn right in the eye. ‘Discuss it?’ Her question came laced with unexpected vitriol. ‘Why?’

‘Jinx, I... I’m worried about you.’

‘Ha!’ Jinx’s eyes darkened with a distinct lack of amusement. For a split second, she turned her head as though someone had called to her from another room. Turned back to Caitlyn with a grimace. ‘Is this your way of asking me to get clean? In the middle of sex. Real class act, Kiramman.’

Somewhere, behind the surface level malice, Jinx faltered. Her eyes shook, frantic and uncertain, as though internally debating herself. Like she couldn’t trust her own thoughts or intentions.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Caitlyn fussed. ‘We can stop if you—’

Jinx rolled her eyes and cackled. ‘How many times?’ She shoved Caitlyn back against the pillows and headboard.

They both moaned with the movement, the roughness of it, but even with the strap still buried inside Jinx, it didn’t feel like they were having fun anymore.

Looming over her, Jinx snaked a hand around Caitlyn’s throat and squeezed.

‘I’m fine.’ She tightened her grip. ‘Maybe you should worry about yourself a little more.’

Despite her words, she seemed willing to fold, like she’d been waiting for Caitlyn to ask her to stop using, stop self-destructing. Just stop.

‘It wouldn’t be easy, I know that.’ Caitlyn acquiesced to this unspoken, intuited request. ‘But you’ve quit before. I know you could do it again if... if you wanted it enough... I believe in you, Jinx.’

‘You believe in me?’ Jinx scowled. Cynical and painfully fragile at once. ‘Why?’

‘Because... you’re strong.’

With limited movement from Jinx’s hold on her, Caitlyn twisted her head to lay a kiss upon Jinx’s forearm. The tiny hairs there stood on end with goosebumps. Jinx’s chin and bottom lip quivered.

Caitlyn continued kissing, while her hands trailed up Jinx’s torso, skimming over breasts and collarbone. Jinx loosened her grip on Caitlyn’s throat, succumbing to her lover’s touch.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ Caitlyn whispered.

Jinx shook her head, just once. Her brows arched with need.

‘Good.’

Tenderly thrusting into Jinx from below, Caitlyn slipped her fingers into that head of thick, electric blue hair. Pulled at the roots. Massaged her head, around her ears, neck, shoulders. Wherever she could reach.

‘Fuck...’ Jinx’s eyes rolled shut, but she didn’t moan. Defiant until the bitter end.

‘You might be the strongest person I know.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘I mean it,’ Caitlyn smirked. ‘Stubborn, too... And beautiful.’

‘Okay, stop!’

Jinx yelped and jumped to her feet like someone had shot her. Darted away from the bed and Caitlyn’s mouth and grabbing hands. Arms wrapped around her torso, she turned away, avoiding eye contact. Shook her head side to side in tiny, rapid movements, like a bobble toy. She seemed completely dissociated.

Caitlyn propped herself up on her elbows. Waited for Jinx to re-centre herself and catch her racing breath.

A minute passed. And another. And another.

After a while, Jinx’s breathing calmed. Her face fell, stoic as a mannequin.

‘You can’t speak to me like that,’ she said, quiet and cold. Every word seemed a struggle. ‘We’re not girlfriends. We’re not even friends.’ Her brow drooped in anguish. ‘You went out of your way to make that clear.’

What? Was their arrangement not what Jinx wanted?

Unsure of how to help or what to say, Caitlyn didn’t respond. Kept listening.

‘This is just sex,’ Jinx continued. ‘That’s all either of us want, right?’ Ah. ‘Stop pretending it’s more than that just because you want to feel like a good person. Stop acting like you can fix me.’

‘I’m not. I mean, I don’t mean to, I just—’

‘And y’know what else? The drugs thing is my problem, Cait. Not yours, or anyone else’s; mine. I don’t need or want you to care about any of it.’

It felt like an act, an avoidance tactic. Jinx didn’t know how to let people help her. How to trust that, once accepted, that person’s help and love wouldn’t disappear. Too many people had hurt and betrayed her.

Caitlyn understood. She couldn’t imagine how it felt, but she swelled with compassion. And rage. Rage at everyone who’d abandoned Jinx in the past, but also at Jinx herself.

If these problems were hers alone, how dare she bring them to Caitlyn’s doorstep and then get angry when Caitlyn showed concern. She couldn’t have it both ways.

‘How can you expect me not to care, Jinx?’ Caitlyn demanded. ‘How can I possibly not worry when you’re constantly self-destructive and rubbing it in my face? You cry out for help and punish anyone foolish enough to respond.’

‘Oh, spare me the speech, Hat Lady!’ Gods, that fucking nickname. ‘We’re both free, consenting adults here, okay? You don’t owe me your fucking care. We don’t owe each other anything.’

‘No.’ Caitlyn crossed her arms, furious. ‘I guess we don’t.’

Jinx flinched at the harshness in her tone, but that only spurred Caitlyn on.

‘In that case, have fun pissing your life away as a free, consenting adult, getting high as a fucking kite whenever you want, abandoning therapy and any hope you have of getting better. I can’t stop you.’

‘No, you can’t.’

‘I can’t just stand by and watch, either.’

‘Great.’

‘Great.’ Caitlyn sighed, exhausted. ‘I think you should go.’

Jinx nodded. Pulled on her underwear at lightning speed. Her clothes were scattered along the way to the exit. A trail of regret, Caitlyn imagined.

Lingering in the doorway, Jinx glanced back with a bereft, hollow smile. ‘Told you we couldn’t do this.’

The words hurt, but not nearly as much as the sight of Jinx leaving.

Was that it for them? Was that their end?

It felt wrong, like snow in summer. Out of place. It didn’t fit. And yet...

Alone in her bed, ripe with the scent of sex, Caitlyn wrapped herself in her duvet and cried. For herself. For Jinx and her myriad issues. For Vi and all that could’ve been of their friendship.

Vi! Shit!

She messaged Vi with Jinx’s new number. Turned her phone off the second it had sent. She couldn’t risk another phone call; the day had drained her social battery to depletion. Sleep beckoned.

Sinking into the sheets, her mind resolved: Mel was right. She couldn’t keep letting her ties with Jinx and Vi dominate her life. Especially Jinx. Their connection was too volatile to maintain. The fleeting pleasure wasn’t worth the pain that inevitably followed. Things needed to change. She needed to change.

Both sisters were her past, not her future. She had to cut them loose.

Chapter Text

Jinx fled Caityln’s house like a killer with blood on their hands. Sprinted until she reached The Lanes, where she slowed to a steady stride amidst the nighttime hubbub.

She tapped a hand to her chest. Tried to control her rapid, jagged breaths.

That was that, then. Her and Caitlyn were finished.

You knew it wouldn’t work.

The following fortnight passed in blinks.

Her meds stopped coming, so she stopped taking them. Stopped doing most things. Couldn’t recall what those things were.

She lived in snapshots of senses.

                                                                                                                                                                                                           Loud.

                                                       Wet.

                                                                                                                                                          Hot.

           Light.

                                                                                     Quiet.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Dark.

                                                                                                                                                                                  Cold.

Caitlyn didn’t reach out.

Strangers and friends and anyone in between passed through her apartment. Snorted her gear. Shared her bed. She welcomed the company, though their presence barely registered. They didn’t seem like people at all. Just distractions. Toys to play with.

Dustin infected her life more than the others. He kept coming back, like toothache, or mould. Supplied her drugs and dirtied her sheets.

And Caitlyn didn’t reach out.

Everyone abandons us, Jinx. Vander. Vi. Caitlyn.

You jinx everything.

Everyone .

Self-hatred gnawed at her bones, hissed its cruel song into her ear.

And still, no word from Caitlyn.

Look at you. Do you see how repulsive you are?

You’re perfect.

No wonder she doesn’t want you anymore.

Who cares what that entitled Piltie bitch wants?

Doesn’t want you. Doesn’t love you.

You don’t need her love.

How could anyone love someone like you?

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

The voices raged louder every day. Found her at the bottom of every trip. No matter how high she flew or deep she dove, they were always waiting when she hit land. She couldn’t hide. Couldn’t escape.

No one wants you. No one loves you.

You’re my daughter, Jinx.

Silco took you in, treated you like family, and what did he get in return?

I’d never forsake you.

Oh, but you forsook him.

Jinx is perfect.

You jinxed him.

No! Stop! Leave me alone!

‘Powder...?’

Ah, here comes Vi, to the rescue once again.

‘Powder!’

How long before she hates you for what you’ve done?

‘Oh, Pow-Pow...’

She doesn’t understand you. Not like I do.

No, she does, she... she used to.

‘She...? What? What’s she talking about?’

Of course, Boy Saviour tagged along, lap dog that he is.

You’re scaring him.

‘Ekko, go wait outside.’

See? Show him the real you and he runs away, tail between his legs.

Everyone abandons us.

A moment passed.

He hates you.

A door slammed shut.

Which one?

You’re at home, remember?

You’re pathetic.

You haven’t left in days. Weeks.

Strong hands gripped her shoulders. Tight. Tender.

Blueish grey eyes studied her face. Big sister eyes.

Look at all that concern. It won’t last. She’ll be done with you soon enough.

‘Jinx, it’s me. It’s Vi. I’m here now, okay? Let me help you.’

You don’t need her help.

Nobody can help.

You can’t trust her.

‘Come on. It’s gonna be okay.’

As long as you’re still breathing, nothing will ever be okay.

Arms embraced her. Big sister arms.

You can’t trust her!

‘I’ve got you.’

How long before she hates you?

How long before she abandons you again?

...is this real?

You know it isn’t.

You’re so pathetic.

Tears ran hot and wet. Into her hair. Onto Vi’s top.

Don’t be weak.

‘It’s real. I’ve got you... I promise.’

The smell of bacon and eggs. Soft cotton sheets on her skin. Sunlight on her face.

She stretched out her aching limbs with a loud, creaking yawn. One eye opened, then the other, squinting at a hot pink wall.

Where am I?

You’re not safe here.

‘You’re awake!’

Jinx turned to the voice so quick she almost cricked her neck. It was just Seraphine. All she could muster in reply was a vague half-smile.

Paranoid freak.

Run.

Shut up.

‘Hmm?’ Seraphine asked.

‘Nothing.’

She cocooned herself under the covers.

You can’t go back to sleep.

Sleep forever.

You’ve slept too long.

What difference does it make?

‘You’ve been asleep, like, all day and night,’ Seraphine said. ‘Ekko stayed for a while, but he had to go to work, so...’ She stepped towards the window, unbearably chipper. ‘Looks like the sun’s out today. Isn’t it pretty?’

Jinx shrugged. Nothing she hadn’t seen before.

‘Do you want breakfast?’

You have to leave.

‘I don’t remember ever seeing you eat breakfast, but Vi’s making it in burrito form. Your favourite, right? Bacon, eggs, the whole works. She said she used to make it for you all the time... Tempted?’

Jinx gave the tiniest shake of her head.

‘Oh, okay... I’ll tell Vi to put yours to the side for later, then.’

Get out!

‘Why’m I here?’ She sounded like someone else. A stranger. A ghost. ‘What happened?’

You burdened Vi with your bullshit, that’s what happened.

‘Um...’ Seraphine’s forced positivity cracked with a sigh and a shaky grin. ‘You should probably talk to Vi about that. I’ll go get her.’ She disappeared in a blur of pink hair.

Get out while you still can.

Can’t even move, can you?

Baby steps.

You’re even more pathetic than I thought.

Try to stand up.

Why bother?

At least get out of bed.

Why bother doing anything?

Fuck you.

Jinx flung the covers off and stood to her feet. Caught her reflection in the mirror across the room. Black eyeliner smudged down her cheeks accentuated her sickly paleness. Greasy, straggly braids hung limp over her bony frame. Fluffy, oversized pyjamas with rainbow print hung off of her.

Seraphine’s? They used to wear the same size. Why did these pyjamas seem so huge?

You don’t deserve to eat.

You haven’t been hungry.

Vi’s cooking smelt incredible, and she knew it would taste even better. Breakfast burrito... Her empty stomach cramped.

No time.

You’ll just puke it up later.

You need to leave.

‘Powder!’ Vi shocked her with a hug the second she entered the room.

All Jinx could do was stand rigid and wait for the moment to end. After a few seconds, Vi let go and stepped back a little. Gazed upon her little sister with wet eyes.

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t’ve jumped on you like that, it’s just...’ Vi looked to the floor, shook her head, looked back up. ‘I got antsy waiting for you. You’ve kinda been asleep a while.'

‘I have?’ Didn’t feel like a while. Didn’t feel like anything, really.

‘Yeah, um...’ Wringing her hands together, Vi perched on the bed. ‘No one had heard from you in like two weeks, and uh... finally, me and Ekko had enough of waiting around and worrying, so, we, uh... We came to check on you, and you needed help, so we took you back here.’

They brought you here against your will.

Idiots. They should’ve left you to rot.

‘I don’t know if I should’ve, but I gave you one of Serrie’s sleeping pills,’ Vi continued. ‘It was the only way to get you to sleep, you were so exhausted and delirious, I... I didn’t know what else to do.’

You need to leave!

‘Shut up, we’re talking!’ Jinx yelled at the wall.

‘Pow-Pow?’ Vi’s voice softened as she moved in closer.

It’s JINX!

Grounding, firm hands found Jinx’s shoulders once again.

‘When did you last take your meds?’

Don’t tell her. You can’t trust her.

‘I don’t know.’ She spoke like a child. Like Powder.

Powder fell down a well.

You already killed one part of yourself.

There’s only Jinx.

Why not finish the job?

Shut up! Shut! Up!

Jinx growled and hit herself in the head. Over and over and over. The brutal slaps reverberated around the room like thunder.

‘Stop that!’ Vi grabbed her wrists as fast as she could, but not fast enough. ‘Don’t listen to them!’

Don’t listen to HER!

‘They’re not real, okay? They’re not real.’

Maybe Vi isn’t real.

I’m REAL, Jinx.

Maybe none of it is.

Her palms stung and her face throbbed. At least she could trust the pain.

‘You’re hearing things because you’re sick—’

You are.

She’s lying.

Sick and worthless.

‘—but I’m gonna help you get better.’

‘I know.’

Who had she replied to? Vi, Mylo, Silco... They all sounded the same after a while.

What was it Heimy used to say? Names hold power.

She wasn’t supposed to give the voices names. But they had names long before she knew them, names when they left her, and names when they found her again. They felt real. It all did.

Scrunching up her face, she wrapped her arms around Vi and sobbed into her shoulder. Sniffled and breathed in that classic Vi mix of cologne and sweat. Big sister smell. She thought she’d never get a whiff of it again.

The hug ended before she wanted it to.

Vi cupped her face and smiled, full of love and concern.

You’re in danger.

Only a matter of time.

You need to leave.

She’ll hate you.

Just go.

She could kill you.

‘Why don’t I get you that food, huh?’ Vi’s eyes glistened. She took Jinx’s hands in hers and squeezed. ‘And maybe tomorrow, if you feel ready, we can call someone who can help?’

She wants to lock you up.

Maybe you should go away forever, for everyone else’s sake.

You can’t let her do this.

‘S... someone?’

‘A professional.’ Vi’s affection was suddenly stifling.

Jinx shivered away from her. ‘You want to lock me up.’

‘No, of course not.’

Stop listening to her.

‘You just need to see someone who can get you back on track, okay?’ Vi’s eyes seemed honest, but how could Jinx tell?

She’s lying.

‘Uh, like... like Heimerdinger.’

Heimy.

‘Yeah,’ Vi smiled, hopeful. ‘He’s that shrink you like, right?’

Shrink. Jinx chuckled; there was something shrunken about that man, for sure.

Oh, she missed him. When did she start missing him?

You can’t go back to him.

Not even Heimy can help you now.

You can’t go back.

‘Can’t go back.’ The words scratched her throat.

‘What?’ Vi despaired. ‘Of course, you can.’

You can’t.

As if he’d give you another chance.

‘As if he’d give me another chance.’

‘What?’ Vi didn’t get it. She had no idea. ‘It’s his job, Powder. It’s what he does; he helps people like you. So, you fell off, stopped your sessions for a while – so what? None of that matters now, okay? We’ve just gotta get you back on track, and everything will go back to normal.’

Normal?

It’s like she doesn’t know you at all.

She just wants rid of you. Easiest solution.

‘Easy for you to say.’

‘Easy?’ Vi saw red, like always. ‘What part of any of this do you think is easy for me, Powder?’

Jinx recoiled. Hugged her tired arms around her torso.

That name. Vi raising her voice like that... It was too much.

There we go.

As predicted.

There’s the hatred.

She’s never understood you. Never will.

‘I’m...’ Another hug; another nose full of big sister smell. ‘I’m sorry. I just...’ Vi squeezed her, then released. Her eyes were rain clouds. ‘I love you so fucking much, do you know that? Do you have any idea? You’re my little sister, and you’re hurting – you hurt all the time – and I don’t know how to make it stop.’

I have a few ideas.

You hurt because she hurt you.

I know how to make everything stop.

She always hurts you.

It’s easy.

Return the favour.

‘Vi—’ The words teetered on her tongue. She licked her lips. I slept with Caitlyn. More than once – quite a lot, actually – and she loved it more than you could ever imagine. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. Not in the way I should be. The way you want me to be. Because. Well. I like her. Love her? I don’t know. What’s love, anyway? Heh. Who knows, right? But we have something. Or, or we had something; I think it’s over, but I don’t want it to be. I don’t know what it is with her, but it’s something, and, and I’ve never had a something-thing before, y’know. I don’t do something-things. Relationships? Bleugh! They freak me out, my brain shuts down, I mean, fuck, it’s been putting up one helluva fight lately, probably fucked everything up already, but— She smelt burning. ‘Oh, is the bacon okay?’

‘The bacon?’ Vi didn’t move to check on it. Just stood there, staring. ‘The bacon will be fine.’ Grinding her teeth, she turned away. Her breathing grew irregular.

‘Vi? What’s wrong?’

You didn’t, did you?

‘You, and... Caitlyn?’ Vi’s voice broke.

Oh, you did.

‘Seraphine!?’ Vi yelled towards the kitchen. ‘Can you, uh... come here a sec?’ She glanced back at Jinx, her face awash with pain.

I’m so proud.

‘V... Vi...?’ Jinx had never felt so helpless. What did I do? What the fuck did I do!?

Only what was necessary.

HA-HA-HAAA!

She would’ve found out, eventually.

‘What is it, honey?’ Seraphine graced the threshold, oblivious.

Vi didn’t look at her. Didn’t tear her eyes from the floor by her feet. Her fists clenched at her sides; she was trying not to use them.

‘Ser, can you, uh...’ Vi struggled through every word. ‘Please get her away from me before I do something I’ll regret.’

See? Now she really hates you.

‘Oh...’ Seraphine looked at Jinx, then back to Vi, perplexed. ‘What’s wrong? Did something happen?’

You happened.

And it was glorious.

‘Just—’ Vi bit her tongue, held her temper down. ‘Please.’

‘Okay,’ Seraphine nodded, full of anxiety, as she dashed to Jinx’s side, wrapped her arms around her tiny waist, and led her out of the spare bedroom, into a bathroom nearby. ‘Wait here a sec,’ she said, and quickly returned to Vi.

I knew you had it in you, sweetheart.

Now big sis hates you more than ever.

Jinx didn’t wait around to find out if Mylo was right. With Vi and Seraphine distracted, she fled.

Now, you’re free.

Free? But where can I go?

She stumbled down road after road. Traffic blared, a bright din in her periphery. And her feet...

No shoes. She giggled. Guess my feet’re free, too!

A passerby cut her a funny look, which only made her laugh more. Fingers laced behind her back, grinning wide enough to terrify anyone else who crossed her path, she skipped along. Her stark white toes bounced off the concrete, while the rainbow pyjamas fluttered in the light breeze.

The ground felt like a trampoline, a safety net for the whole of Zaun. Would’ve broken anyone’s fall. Especially from up high.

A rooftop, say...

Now you’re thinking clearly.

No.

The higher, the better.

NO!

She gazed up at the roof of The Last Drop.

When did I get here?

The neon green eye stared back with sympathy. Somehow, between the sumps and the fog of Stillwater, he listened. Always listening. The only one who ever understood her.

Silco?

Crows gathered on the surrounding scaffolds, preening their shiny black feathers, slicing the daylight with their darkness. They were beautiful.

What should I do?

One flew down and landed nearby. Close enough for her to stroke it, though she didn’t dare.

Squawk. It strutted along a stretch of pipe, levelling its beady eyes with her Faded blues. Squawk, squawk.

Huh? She tilted her head with a questioning smile.

Squawk.

Go somewhere safe.

Like where?

Squawk, squawk.

You know where.

With another squawk, shriller than the last, the crow flew up to the ledge outside her old bedroom window.

But—

Squawk, squawk, squawk.

It’s okay. Go inside.

Inside?

The scratchy neon overhead blinked on and off. The sign glowed, an ethereal illumination for her eyes only, then dulled in the light of day.

Yes.

She picked the lock and slipped through the door, like she used to when she lived there. Her fingers knew instinctively what to do. And inside, her feet knew where to take her.

Through the main bar, she crept upstairs, towards the office. His office. Sevika’s, those days. That door was locked, too. Not enough to keep her out.

It looked the same. Smelt the same. Cigars, peppermint, and sandalwood. Silco. Sevika had kept it exactly how he liked, awaiting his return. Preserved like a prehistoric insect in amber. Even his chair seemed no more worn than when he had last sat in it.

And there he was – hair coiffed, waistcoat buttoned, shoes polished – greeting her with that sharp, cunning kindness only he possessed.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

Come here. Sit with me.

She sat in his chair. Nuzzled into the ghost of his memory.

Rest.

Muffled voices stirred her to some semblance of consciousness. The crows were back, squawking again. She chuckled at their mischievous melodies. Hummed along in sync.

Their squawks became screeches; her humming seemed to make them angry. She’d only wanted to join in.

‘Jinx...!? Oh, for the love of Janna. Wake up, Jinx!’

Ha! Since when did the crows sound like Sevika?

‘Ugh.’

Heavy footsteps paced across the office’s varnished hardwood floor. No crow could’ve made such a racket.

‘Gods fucking damn it...’

‘Hey, what’s up?’ Another set of steps joined the party. A familiar gait. Familiar voice, too. Ran. ‘I know, I know, I wasn’t supposed to be in today, but—’ Their steps came closer, then stopped. ‘Um... what the fuck is this?’

‘My thoughts exactly.’

‘We should call Vi, right? I mean, it’s her sister.’

‘No, we keep this in-house,’ Sevika said. ‘Can’t stand to be in the same room as that girl... Anyway, you can help, given your history with her.’

‘Dude, we dated on and off for a few months, like, a year ago. Doesn’t mean I know shit about... whatever this is…’ Oh, Ran. ‘How’d she even get in?’

‘It’s Jinx.’

‘…fair point.’

Uh-huh. Never underestimate the loose cannon!

‘Fuck, why does she keep talking like that?’ Ran’s voice shook. ‘She sounds half-dead. Dude, what the actual fuck?’

‘She’ll be fine,’ Sevika said. ‘She’s just out of it right now. Caught her humming when I came in. Mentioned something about crows, too.’

‘Crows?’

‘She’s off her meds. You know how she can get.’

‘Uh, no, the fuck I don’t!’

‘You don’t? You dated her.’

‘Again, we had sex, we didn’t talk about shit.’

Wasn’t particularly good sex, either.

‘Well, now ya know, huh?’ Sevika spared a chuckle for Jinx’s commentary. ‘Crows are a thing for her in her psychosis. She thinks they talk to her. Tell her what to do.’

‘Her… psychosis?’

‘Janna’s sake, Ran, do you know anything about this girl?’

‘Guess not.’

The old couch in the corner creaked under the weight of whoever had just sat on it. Ran, presumably.

‘Look, I’m obviously in way over my head here,’ they continued. ‘Can you deal with this without me? Pretty sure the boss would want you to handle it alone, anyway.’

‘No damn way!’ Sevika roared. Pens and other junk clattered to the floor, victims of her rage.

Naughty Sevika, unleashing her anger on Silco’s stationary. Tut, tut, tut.

‘Shut up!’ Sevika snapped. ‘Ran, listen. Complain all you want, but you’re in this with me now. Silco won’t appreciate you bailing on his daughter, and believe me, I’ll make sure he finds out.’ She paused, allowing the message to sink in. ‘Help Jinx; help yourself.’

‘I see,’ Ran said, colder than before. ‘Never had you down as the blackmail type.’

‘Whatever.’

A lighter clicked, followed by the smell of a freshly lit cigar. Sevika still hadn’t kicked that habit of hers.

‘Deal’s this,’ she began. ‘Since Silco got locked up, Jinx’s welfare has been my responsibility. He told me to keep her safe. Help her stay clean and medicated, get her all healthy and crap. This... This means I’ve failed. Again. She’s off her meds, and no prizes for guessing what she’s replaced them with. Shimmer, Fade... Nothing good. Don’t remember seeing her this bad before, either.’

Puff, puff, puff; her lips to the cigar.

‘Main problem is... we control the supply down here. Chances are, someone under my command has been slipping her our product, getting her fucked up. If Silco finds out, he’ll blame me. Clearly, I haven’t looked out for her like I should’ve. Haven’t controlled his operation like I promised.’

‘Well...’ Ran cleared their throat, contemplating their next move. ‘If, uh... If anyone’s been dealing to her under the table, it’s...’ Sheesh, just say it already! ‘It’s probably Dustin.’

Ding, ding, ding!

‘Dustin? Are you sure?’

‘Do you seriously need to ask that?’ Ran snickered. ‘Come on, it’s Dustin. Ding, ding ding! You heard the girl.’

‘Damn.’

‘I’ll call him,’ Ran said. ‘It’s his mess; he can come clean it up.’

‘No.’ Almost sounded like Sevika cared. ‘If you’re right...’ She gave a sinister chuckle. ‘That boy’s good as dead.’

‘You think Silco would—’

‘I don’t think. I know.’

‘But he’s one of ours. Sev, he’s an idiot douchebag, but he’s one of ours. He’s family.’

‘Family?’ Sevika sneered. ‘That’s what this is to you?’

‘Well… yeah.’

‘Guess you’re not so smart, either. You and Dustin have something in common.’

‘Seriously?’ Oh, Ran. Silly, silly Ran. ‘Come on, Sev! We’re tight, this crew. We—’

‘We’re tight because we’re loyal to the same man and the same goal,’ Sevika bit back. ‘This is business; there are rules. Primarily: don’t fuck with Jinx. The second you forget that is the second you’re done for. Seems like your friend Dustin could’ve used a reminder.’

‘So, what? He’s out?’

‘He’s out.’

‘But what if it wasn’t him?’

‘Jinx confirmed it.’

Yep! Ha-ha-ha!

‘Okay, sure, but she’s hardly reliable right now, Sev, she’s—’

‘Ran. Accept it.’

‘Ask her again.’

‘Ran.’ Sevika’s ire lay thick on her tongue, coating every word. ‘This is serious. Jinx is sick.’

A moment of silence, as though the two of them were onlookers at a funeral.

‘We need to get her help,’ Sevika said. ‘And we need to give Silco someone to hold accountable for pushing her off the deep end. Someone like Dustin. Understand?’

‘...what’ll Silco do to him?’

‘No worse than he deserves.’

‘He could die.’

‘Don’t think about that.’ The warning rumbled deep in Sevika’s throat. ‘Just help me get her sorted.’

‘Fine,’ they said. Only a fool would’ve argued against Sevika any further. Ran may have been an asshole, but they were wise enough to know when to concede. Just about. ‘What d’you need me to do?’

‘Stay with her. Gotta make a call.’

‘Right.’ Ran reluctantly approached Silco’s chair. ‘Um... Jinx?’ They lightly shook her by the shoulders. ‘Any part of you lucid?’

The hearing parts. Heh.

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’

Ran came closer. Clicked their fingers in front of Jinx’s eyes.

Like you’re an animal at a zoo.

Fuck off.

‘Heh,’ Ran backed away. ‘Sorry.’

Beep, beep, boop, boop, beep; the dial of a phone number.

Sevika cursed under her breath, into the receiver. ‘Hey, Doc, got a situation here…’ The tremor in her usually stony voice revealed a level of concern Jinx hadn’t thought the ogre possessed. ‘Jinx is, uh... It’s bad… Crows level bad... I don’t know. I’m handling it… Bring whatever you think’s needed… Okay. Be quick.’

The unmistakeable odour of the doctor’s private medical room sent her screaming into reality. She bolted out of bed, dragging an IV drip with her. The cannula bulged out of her arm. She ripped it out as fast as she could. It hurt, but the pain didn’t faze her, like it had only happened in a dream.

She studied the puncture site. The veins there looked especially blue, like tributaries of water flowing beneath her skin. If not for an adjacent dot of red, evidently from a prior injection attempt, she might’ve believed her blood was as blue as the sea.

Imagine that. The sea, with all its strength and mystery, coursing through her. Empowering her.

But that wasn’t real.

Silco didn’t talk to her through crows or the wind, Mylo wasn’t a demon on her shoulder, and the sea was just the sea.

She crawled back onto the thin mattress. Head in her knees. Rocked back and forth.

This couldn’t be happening. Not again.

‘Glad to see you up.’

She snapped towards the sound. ‘...Sevika?’ Her voice was a whisper of its usual strength. She hugged her knees ever closer to her chest.

‘Got your eyes open. That’s something, I guess.’ Sevika took a seat near the door she’d just entered – the way out – and snickered at the rejected IV tube hanging off the bed. ‘Might’ve known you’d freak out, waking up like this.’

‘What happened?’

‘What always happens,’ Sevika said. ‘You fell off.’

Of course. Could never stay on track, could she? Couldn’t help herself.

‘Frankly, this was...’ Sevika shook her head. ‘Don’t think I’ve seen you that bad since...’

The sentence didn’t need finishing; they both knew what she meant. Jinx hadn’t had a psychotic episode of that magnitude since Silco’s arrest.

Back then, Sevika didn’t know how to handle it, but the poor old ogre did her best. Brought Jinx to the only man she could think of; the only man Silco trusted. Good ol’ Singed in his not-at-all-suspicious, underground lair. Since then, whenever Jinx got bad, Sevika took her to him. First port of call before Heimerdinger and his team stepped in to administer official treatment.

After each visit, she swore she’d never have to look upon those four, discoloured walls again, and yet... She always found her way back.

‘When can I leave?’

‘Few days,’ Sevika said. ‘You know the drill. Doc wants to wait 'til you’re stable. Not seeing or hearing things. Not in withdrawal.’

‘Yeah,’ she scoffed. ‘Doc’s always got my best interests at heart.’

‘He cares. In his own fucked up way.’

‘About science,’ she said. ‘Not people.’

Sevika shrugged, a sign of implicit agreement. Hunched further in her chair, elbows on spread-apart knees, thumbs wrestling, thoughts whirring.

‘So, what did it this time?’ Finally, the question Sevika had wanted to ask all along. ‘What happened to you?’

‘Because you care now?’ Jinx gawped, forcing a feistier reaction than she had the energy for. ‘Have I entered a parallel universe? Maybe I’m still psychotic. Hey, are you even here right now? Prove it! Pinch my arm!’ She whipped her arm away from its safe grip on her knees and, body unfurling, thrust it out into the cold, as close to Sevika as she could get.

‘Jinx...’ A long, laboured sigh.

The ogre, in all her gruff glory, was exhausted. The caverns of her eyelids suggested she hadn’t slept in a while. She looked older. Looking out for her boss’ erratic daughter must’ve been fun, huh?

‘It’s not me asking. Silco wants to know.’

‘Oh.’ Jinx pulled her arm back in, where it belonged. ‘Right.’

‘Well?’ Sevika huffed. ‘What happened?’

‘Nothing.’

A thin, blue thread hung loose from the hospital gown drowning her body. She curled it around one finger, then another, tight enough to restrict blood flow.

‘Nothing?’ Sevika’s weary façade cracked into a smirk of disbelief. Then, a knowing tilt of her head. ‘Who left you this time?’

Caitlyn.

She shivered, suddenly freezing, ‘...what?’

‘First Vi, then Silco...’ Sevika’s words scratched and stabbed at her mushy brain. ‘Pattern’s not hard to see; you never could handle change. Who’d you get close to this time?’

‘Nobody.’

Silco probably needed someone to blame, but it wasn’t Caitlyn’s fault. It was Jinx. Wasn’t it? She’d hit the self-destruct button.

Still. The worst episode since Silco went away... How could she explain it?

‘I just...’

She shouldn’t have stayed at the bar that night. Shouldn’t have flirted like she did. Shouldn’t have invited Caitlyn back to her apartment. She encouraged it, revelled in it, like a part of her had always wanted it to happen. And, of course, they fell for each other. Two lonely idiots with nothing better to do. For what? It was never going to work.

They’d never be a real couple, never have the kind of love Caitlyn had with Vi.

‘Just...?’ Sevika prompted.

Did Jinx want that kind of love? She had no fucking clue. How did other people just know?

Relationships and Jinx did not mix, but she completely imploded when Caitlyn denied her one. Why? Weren’t casual flings what Jinx did best? Weren’t they all she had to give by way of commitment?

A fling with Caitlyn shouldn’t have been a problem, but she couldn’t cope. Ugh, why had it affected her so much? Things were complicated from the start; going behind Vi’s back wasn’t easy, and then there were all those messy, lovey-dovey feelings she tried to ignore. She ditched therapy and picked up the drugs again. Fuck, she almost drowned in the tub. But she always bounced back. Until she couldn’t anymore. Until she couldn’t think without hearing them.

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’m broken, I guess.’

Caitlyn didn’t want her. Not enough. Not how she’d once wanted Vi.

Vi got a wedding, a marriage, everything Caitlyn had to give. Vi was worth trying for.

And what was Jinx worth? What did Jinx get?

A shitty excuse about the divorce ruling out any chance for them. An intrusive lecture on Jinx’s coping mechanisms, ever so tactfully addressed during sex, of all times! A condescending expression of care, swiftly followed by a spiteful swipe of rejection.

Jinx knew rejection; she knew how to handle it. But from Caitlyn, it felt especially cruel. Disrespectful. Dishonest.

Caitlyn lied. To Jinx. To herself. Maybe to everyone. She played at being happy and functional, glued on a smile at parties, then sniped judgements at those who didn’t do the same, who didn’t pretend. She had no problem giving Jinx a hard time for her drug use, but she wasn’t exactly the picture of sobriety herself.

That night...

Jinx noticed the wine. It spilled and made a mess. It stained Caitlyn’s lips and tongue and teeth. She noticed but never mentioned it. Could’ve been harmless, just a person unwinding at the end of a stressful day. Who was Jinx to assume otherwise? Wasn’t her business or her problem, not unless Caitlyn wanted it to be.

Fuck, if Caitlyn wasn’t already drunk, Jinx wouldn’t have taken that Shimmer, they wouldn’t have argued about it, and maybe... Maybe she wouldn’t have wound up back at Doctor Scary’s. Maybe Caitlyn was to blame, after all. She certainly played her part.

‘Or I... I let people break me,’ Jinx wondered out loud. But it was more than that. More than anything another person could’ve controlled. ‘I expect them to.’

‘Who?’ Sevika demanded.

Caitlyn would never have caused her so much pain on purpose. She was hurting, just like Jinx...

If love was what she wanted from Caitlyn, and Caitlyn, for whatever bizarre reason, felt the same, they’d have to figure it out. They’d both have to better themselves. Because the alternative? Nope!

‘Jinx, was it Dustin?’

‘What?’ That name kicked her out of her head. ‘You think me and Dustin got... close?’ She would’ve laughed if she had it in her. ‘He means nothing to me. Less than nothing.’

‘Good.’ Sevika shifted in her chair, slouching a little. ‘Had to wonder; you told us he was the one dealing to you.’

‘I did?’

‘You don’t remember?’ Sevika raised her brow. ‘Guess that’s not much of a surprise. But yeah, that’s what you told us.’

‘Oh.’ What else had she forgotten?

‘Did he...’ Sevika chose her words carefully. ‘Did something else happen between you? Did he take advantage?’

‘Well, yeah, I mean, he’s a creep,’ Jinx said. ‘Taking advantage is, like, default mode for guys like him.’

‘Right,’ Sevika nodded to herself, as though vindicated; affirmed of a long-held suspicion. She stood, straightened out her creased shirt and slacks. How long had she sat around in that outfit, waiting for Jinx to wake up? Was it out of legitimate concern, or just part of the job description? ‘You focus on getting better. And forget about Dustin. He’s out.’

‘Out?’

‘As in, good riddance.’

Huh. On one hand, Jinx was glad. Relieved, even. Dustin had been a toxic presence in her life for years. With him around, she had a constant supply to whatever intoxicating goodies she wanted whenever she relapsed. He made it too easy for her to slip back into her worst habits, the worst parts of herself. Remove Dustin from the equation, remove a fuck ton of temptation. But...

What would happen the next time something triggered her, and her brain got bad again? Without Dustin’s supply to fall back on, how would she escape from herself?

She’d have to find another dealer, but everyone involved with Zaun’s drug trade had ties to Silco. Ties that would fast become hangman’s rope if they were stupid enough to sell to her after this. And Silco had connections in Piltover, too.

What the fuck was she supposed to do to take the edge off when things got all spiky? She couldn’t regularly smoke weed because it fucked with her meds. She could get away with a few cocktails now and then, but she'd never been a huge fan of alcohol. There had to be something else.

Sex...?

Caitlyn.

'And Jinx...' Sevika strode towards the exit, hands in her pockets, head dipped in contemplation. ‘Make this the last time, huh?’

‘Yup.’ Well, she’d try.

Glancing back, one foot in the corridor outside, Sevika flashed a rare smile. ‘Check the nightstand.’

As Sevika closed the door behind her, Jinx lay back in bed and, despite her inner defiance, complied with the ogre’s request. There, in front of a dim lamp and a clock ripped out of the Middle Ages, was a sandwich. Homemade peanut butter and jelly on malted Zaun loaf, enclosed in clingfilm to keep it fresh, just like Silco used to make it.

So, the ogre wasn’t all bad, huh?

Jinx’s tummy rumbled like the rev of a rusty car engine. With shaky but determined hands, she took the sandwich into her lap and unwrapped it.

She swore she’d never tasted anything as delicious as that first bite.

Chapter Text

In desperate, heady moments before sleep, Caitlyn’s drunken mind filled with all things Jinx. Those eyes and that cackle, the bite of her teeth and her words, the balm of her kiss and the musk of her cunt...

Caitlyn surrendered with hungry hands between her legs, moans muffled into her pillow, cum wetting her silk sheets. Nothing could divert her thoughts and subsequent dreams in other directions. Jinx broke through every time.

Then morning came, and she remembered she was alone. Her heart hollowed out for another day.

It was easy enough for Caitlyn to cut Jinx out of the contacts in her phone, to tell herself she was moving on, but it didn’t change how she really felt. After two weeks, she hadn’t spent a single night not imagining Jinx by her side, in her bed.

But it was over. No amount of pining could’ve changed that.

Caitlyn woke long after her alarm. It had beeped and beeped until it turned itself off.

No part of her wanted to get out of bed.

At least she wasn’t expected early at the precinct that day. She had a meeting after lunch, and some paperwork to complete and file away on a recently closed case, but not much other than that. Detective work involved a surprising amount of admin. Until recently, she’d stayed on top of it. Those days, though? It all felt... pointless.

With the curtains drawn, it didn’t feel like late morning. Shades of sepia, grey, and black veiled the white-painted walls and furnishings of her bedroom with an oppressive gloom. If she had a choice, she would’ve languished in that darkness for days, maybe weeks. She would’ve stayed in and out of that blissful, restless sleep, keeping Jinx close through dreams in the dark. Shutting out the rest of the world.

But Kirammans didn’t behave like that. Kirammans didn’t give into their impulses, their weaknesses. They weren’t allowed to wallow and yearn and feel things. Kirammans fulfilled their responsibilities. They fixed their smiles in place, held their heads high and righteous, and stepped out into society, no matter what.

When all else abandoned her, Caitlyn was still a Kiramman. She had a job to do; people who’d notice if she didn’t show her face each day.

With the pep and lust for life of an automaton, she got out of bed and commenced her morning ritual. Shower; style hair; pick out yet another corporate outfit suitable for a detective; apply a light layer of make-up, nothing too feminine or striking. Dressed and ready, with subtly painted confidence across her cheeks and concealer masking the bags weighing down her eyes, she booted up her espresso machine. Threw last night’s empty wine bottles into the recycling bin and scarfed a cold croissant, as she watched the hot black liquid dribble and spurt into her insulated travel cup.

With the last bite of soft, buttery pastry, her personal phone burst into life out of nowhere, chiming away in her handbag by the front door. Who could’ve been calling?

Jinx?

She almost choked on the assumption. The notion of Jinx calling her unexpectedly like that was in-character enough to let herself believe it. She indulged the fantasy, imagining Jinx on the other end, waiting impatiently for Caitlyn to answer...

Wishful thinking, wasn’t it?

Hurrying to answer the phone before it rang out, she wondered who else it could’ve been. The precinct never used her personal number to reach her, so it couldn’t have been work related. Her mother with one of her impromptu social demands, perhaps? A dinner party or fundraising gala Caitlyn simply had to attend.

By the time she reached her phone, the caller had given up, but she recognised the number. Vi. Another person she couldn’t just cut out, it seemed.

Should she have called back, or sent a text? What if something was wrong? What if Jinx was in trouble?

She stared at her phone screen, paralysed by indecision.

She was trying to move on. Their lives weren’t entangled anymore.

She couldn’t let Vi suck her back in.

The afternoon’s meeting finished, and Caitlyn returned to her desk. Sipping her fourth (or was it fifth?) coffee of the day, she perused the paperwork still sat by her computer, waiting to be filed away. If only she could’ve summoned the energy to deal with it. Tomorrow, maybe? There was always a tomorrow.

The buzz of her phone stole her focus. Vi, again. She hadn’t stopped calling all day.

No word from either sister in two weeks, yet suddenly her ex-wife was desperate for a chat. Why? What could Vi have possibly wanted to discuss?

If it was anything to do with the upcoming wedding, Caitlyn vowed to change her phone number.

But what if Jinx had done something dangerous again? Another Fade binge and bath, or worse...

Acid piqued Caitlyn’s throat. Catastrophising and coffee on a nearly empty stomach were not an ideal combination.

She gulped down some water. Tried to swallow that sinking feeling. Told herself she felt fine. Totally fine. There was nothing wrong at all. She wasn’t close to retching bile, worried sick. The thump of her heart wasn’t pounding in her ears.

Oh gods, Jinx. Please be okay. Please.

‘…Kiramman.’

She flicked her eyes up from her computer, towards the voice she could’ve sworn was—

‘Caitlyn Kiramman,’ Vi repeated to the receptionist. Her tone meant only one thing: she was furious, trying to stay calm. ‘Is she here?’

What was Vi doing at the precinct? Had she lost her mind? First, the endless phone calls, and now a personal visit. What was going on!?

‘This way, right?’ Vi stormed towards Caitlyn’s desk before the receptionist could stop her.

Enforcer Carroway followed behind, prepared for any eventuality. As Vi drew closer, Caitlyn stood to greet her, waving her colleague to stand down. Running a hand through her short blonde hair, Carroway backed off and returned to her desk with a grunt. Always spoiling for a fight, that one.

‘Vi, is everything okay? Has something happened?’ There was that sinking feeling again. Caitlyn swallowed another spiky round of bile. Rested a hand on her desk to steady herself. ‘Is it Jinx?’

Vi flinched at the mere mention of her sister’s name. With balled fists, she hugged her torso, so full of pent-up energy that she ended up pacing on the spot.

‘Can we get out of here?’ It sounded like more of a demand than a question. ‘I don’t wanna do this here.’

‘Do what here?’ Caitlyn urged. Oh, gods. Did Vi know? Had Jinx told her about them? ‘What’s going on?’

Vi slammed her fists down onto the desk. The neglected pile of case notes flew all over the place, many scattering to the floor around their feet.

Every Enforcer within spectator distance of their little show looked up from their desks at once. Carroway even had the gall to laugh, covering her mouth to hide the worst of it.

‘Vi, please...’ Caitlyn scratched at the back of her neck, avoiding the gaze of her peers. It felt like the entire precinct had eyes on them. ‘You’re making a scene.’

‘A scene?’ Vi balked. ‘Oh, you have no idea how much I’m holding back right now. No idea.’

‘For fuck’s sake, Vi, I’m at work,’ Caitlyn hissed. ‘What’s so urgent that it can’t be discussed later?’

‘Cait...’ Vi clenched her jaw. ‘Powder had an episode, okay?’

‘An episode?’ Fuck. Caitlyn collected herself with a measured breath. She couldn’t let herself crumble in front of Vi and the other officers. ‘How bad?’

‘Bad,’ Vi continued quietly to avoid eavesdroppers. ‘She’s been off her meds for days, weeks, I don’t know...’

She sounded broken. Her cheeks glistened with the unmistakable sheen of tear tracks. She had never cried in front of Caitlyn before. Never.

‘Ekko and I went to her place to check on her last night, and fuck, she was skin and bones, totally out of it, talking nonsense...’ She winced, reliving the events. ‘We took her to mine and Serrie’s, got her cleaned up, put her to bed... I don’t think she even knew we were there at first.’

Caitlyn nodded with silent compassion, recalling her own encounter with Jinx in a similar condition. Her clever, captivating lover, drooping in the cloudy bathwater like a dying flower.

But even at her worst on Shimmer and Fade, she still took her medication. Why would she have stopped?

Was it... was it because of Caitlyn?

All their fighting and indecision could hardly have helped matters. And she was particularly cruel to Jinx during their last encounter... Said things she didn’t mean. Hurtful things. Things she needed to apologise for.

If she had just kept her mouth shut and played into Jinx’s impulses – if she had been kinder, more patient, more loving – she could’ve made Jinx happy, rather than sending her spinning into psychosis. An ache lodged in her chest, worse than anything she’d ever felt. She shook with it, struggling to breathe. She needed to see Jinx, to hold her, to tell her she was sorry and that everything was going to be okay. But she couldn’t. There was nothing she could do to fix things.

She felt sick, and with the nausea came a pang of relief that sickened her further. Vi didn’t know; her sordid little secret was safe. She’d fucked everything up, yet part of her felt lighter, like she’d gotten away with something. She was a terrible person.

Jinx deserved so much better.

Swallowing her self-contempt, she lay a supportive hand on Vi’s shoulder. ‘You were right,’ she said. ‘Let’s not talk about this here, okay?’ She nodded towards the fire exit at the end of the corridor and led the way.

Most days, people used the fire exit as a quick way to grab a cigarette break. It wasn’t the most private place to talk, but infinitely preferable to the main precinct floor.

As she walked, everything moved in slow motion, each step more tense than the last. When she finally reached the door, she couldn’t walk through it fast enough.

If not for her heels, she would’ve descended the stairs two at a time. She paused at the bottom of the first flight, Vi hot on her tail.

A banister provided a ledge. She leant upon it, let her eyes wander. From that vantage point, she could see the spiral of the staircase below, leading down to the ground floor and the final fire safety door. Several of her colleagues and staff from other parts of the precinct were outside, smoke streaming from their mouths as they puffed away, deep in conversation.

Part of her wished that she could join them. That she could run down there and act like she was interested in whatever they had to say. That she could pretend she wasn’t desperate to see Jinx, to make things right, to take care of her. That she wasn’t tearing herself apart inside.

She closed her eyes. Focused on the cool of the metal banister in her grip.

Okay. Things would be okay. Jinx’s episode would pass, Vi would remain in the dark about them, and Caitlyn would be allowed to move on. She just needed to move on.

‘Fuck, I’m sorry,’ Vi’s voice rose an octave, her face crumpled with remorse. ‘I’ve just realised how fucked up this is, ambushing you at work. Who the fuck does that?’

‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Caitlyn soothed, ushering Vi to sit on the top step of the next descending flight of stairs. Without thinking, she sat next to her. ‘You gave me a bit of a shock turning up like that, but...’ She squeezed Vi’s knee to reassure her. A smile passed between them, a tentative ember of friendship. ‘You’re here now; may as well talk it out.’

Vi arched her back and buried her head in her hands, a figure of despair. ‘This is all so fucked... I don’t know what to do.’

‘You’ll be there for her, whatever she needs.’ Caitlyn’s hand on Vi’s knee instinctively moved to her fingers, clasped together in a prayer-like arch. She prized them apart and held them in her own, grounding Vi with her touch the way she had so many times in the past. ‘You’ll be there, Vi. That’s all you need to do. Just be there.’

‘I can’t,’ Vi sobbed. ‘She’s gone.’

‘Gone?’ Caitlyn ripped herself away and stood to face Vi head on, all thought of pretence extinguished.

Her ex-wife’s pitiful look of dismay at the loss of contact didn’t go unnoticed, but she had neither the time nor desire to feign that it mattered. All that mattered was Jinx.

‘What d’you mean, gone!?’ That word was so fucking ambiguous. Had Jinx run away? Left town? Died!?

Caitlyn could’ve screamed, wept, broken down – all of the above – but Kirammans weren’t that dramatic. She stood resolute, arms crossed, waiting for answers.

‘She ran out as soon as she could,’ Vi said. ‘I should’ve stopped her, but I was... distracted.’

‘Distracted?’ Caitlyn patted her chest, trying to ease her rapid heartbeat. Her ability to hold back her anger had evaporated. ‘By what? What the fuck, Vi!? She needed you!’

‘I did what I could!’ Vi yelled back. ‘How the fuck are you making me the bad guy in this?’

‘For fuck’s sake, I’m not making you the bad guy! I just don’t understand how you could let her get away like that!’

‘I didn’t let her! She left after—’ Vi fell silent. Her glassy, grey eyes narrowed, full of questions and confusion.

‘After what?’ Caitlyn pressed.

Scarred lips parted in a snarl, followed by a hostile chuckle. ‘How did I not see it sooner?’

‘See what sooner?’

‘You and Jinx...’ Vi examined her further, reading every detail of her face and body language, dismantling her façade. Interrogation mode. ‘You really care about her, don’t you?’

Shit. Where did that come from?

‘Y’know, you’ve been around for Jinx’s episodes before, you’ve seen her off her meds, and you never once worried about her as much as you are now... why is that?’

‘I’ve always worried about Jinx,’ Caitlyn protested. ‘What d’you take me for, some kind of unfeeling robot?’

Vi shrugged, encouraging Caitlyn to continue.

‘Things have changed lately, that’s all. We’re closer now – friends – since the party. Remember?’

‘Right. The party.’ Vi snickered, seething. ‘Is that when it started?’

Oh. Fuck. ‘When what started?’ Jinx told her, didn’t she? Jinx actually told her.

Caitlyn tried to look shocked at the implication of Vi’s words – disgusted, even – but her guilt smothered her. She’d never been much of a liar, especially not where Vi was concerned. That woman had a special knack for detecting bullshit. Zaunite, through and through.

‘It’s true, isn’t it?’ Vi snapped. ‘Everything she said. Her whole speech.’

‘Speech?’

‘I thought she made it up.’ Vi shook her head in disbelief. ‘She came out with all this crap about the two of you sleeping together, and I thought it was in her head, just another delusion conjured up and spewed out to hurt me... I thought, well, that can’t be true, it’s too ridiculous; Caitlyn would never cross that line. She’s not the type to fuck around and hurt people, not like that... Not with my little sister, of all people.’

‘Vi, I...’

Their eyes locked, and from the vulnerability of Vi’s stare, it was clear she wanted Caitlyn to deny it all. To tell her Jinx had made it all up, like she first believed. But Caitlyn couldn’t do that. Part of her didn’t even want to. Why bother? What good would it have done to keep lying?

She searched for the right words, the right way to apologise and explain, but there was nothing.

‘I’m sorry you found out like that,’ she said, as good as a confession.

‘Sorry I found out like that.’ Vi echoed Caitlyn’s words with mocking disdain. Even during their divorce, she had never spoken to her with such revulsion. ‘Was there some other, nicer way you planned on telling me? With flowers and chocolates, or a sweet, handwritten note, maybe? Dear Vi, so sorry for fucking your sister, hope we can still be friends...’

Riled by Vi’s taunting, Caitlyn opted for plain, brutal honesty: ‘I didn’t plan on telling you at all. Frankly, it’s none of your business.’

Vi scoffed, ‘none of my business?’

‘It isn’t!’ She flipped, spiralling into a rant. ‘You and I weren’t together, Vi, it’s not like I cheated on you! For all the guilt and secrecy, I may as well have, but I didn’t! And how exactly is this any different from you getting engaged to Seraphine!? She and Jinx dated if you recall. Or were you too wrapped up in yourself to think about that?’

‘That is not the same thing! We were married, Cait – they were never even in love!’

‘And you know that for a fact, do you?’ Caitlyn challenged. ‘Have you asked Jinx how she feels about it?’

‘Well, no, but... what’re you saying? She slept with you as some kind of payback for me and Serrie?’

‘No, that’s...’ Caitlyn sighed, exasperated. ‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘Oh.’ Vi studied her again, too astute for her own good. ‘It started before that, didn’t it?’

‘Yes.’

‘When?’

‘What difference does it make?’

Vi shrugged, defeated. ‘None, I guess...’

‘I’m sorry,’ Caitlyn said. ‘I don’t know what else to say.’

‘Why Jinx?’ Vi asked, one last tearful attempt to understand. ‘Did you want to hurt me, or—’

‘It wasn’t about you, Vi...’ The words slipped out before Caitlyn knew she wanted to say them. Cruel, angry, truthful little words. ‘It was never you.’

A despondent fog settled over Vi’s features as the meaning of those words filtered through her brain.

Caitlyn wished she could sink into the floor. Fall down the stairs and keep falling until there was no air left between the ground and her mangled body.

It was never Vi. Whatever it was, in all their years of marriage and commitment, Vi had never made the cut. Not like Jinx.

‘I shouldn’t’ve come.’ Vi choked back more tears as she left her stoop and breezed past Caitlyn, taking the first few steps down the next flight of stairs.

‘Vi, wait—’ Caitlyn reached out a second too late. Her fingers brushed the edge of Vi’s jacket collar. ‘Stop!’

Broaching the landing a couple of levels below, Vi looked up at Caitlyn through the eye of the stairwell. Her soft puppy face hardened to that of a bloodhound ready to rip its target to shreds.

‘I don’t have time for this,’ she barked. ‘Gotta find Powder.’

‘What? You, you don’t know where she is?’

‘No, Caitlyn, I don’t!’ The bark became an anguished howl. Vi’s fury shattered into shards of stabbing pain. Breathing through it, she continued her descent. ‘Can’t believe I actually came to you for help.’

‘I can help!’

‘Stay away, Cait.’ Vi wrestled with her name like it was a piece of gristle stuck in her teeth. ‘Just... stay away.’

‘Vi, please—!’

Caitlyn’s futile cry echoed through the stairwell, met by the clamour of descending footsteps, and the whine of the fire safety door as it opened and closed.

That night, she couldn’t sleep. There was too much to think about, too much information to process and pick apart. None of it pleasant. She couldn’t even escape into thoughts of Jinx; those hurt the most. Visions of the two of them pressed against each other, moaning in pleasure, morphed mercilessly into Jinx alone in a hospital bed, clinging to life. She would’ve gladly scooped her eyeballs out one by one with a teaspoon if it meant never seeing Jinx like that again, imagined or otherwise.

A drained, distressed husk of a person, she wrapped her dressing gown around her naked body and pottered from her bed to the fridge. In the emanating, cold light, she took the half-empty bottle of Pinot Grigio she’d put aside earlier, brought its mouth to her lips, and chugged as much of it as she could. The second the taste of bitter grape and acid hit her tongue, she felt a little better.

She stopped when she started spluttering. Wiped the residue from her chin. Returned the bottle to its nook in the fridge door.

The wine went straight to her head. She rested on the countertop, waiting for the initial buzz to die down and the numbness to set in.

Vi would update her if and when she found Jinx, wouldn’t she? Caitlyn had to believe that she would. For all their emerging conflict surrounding Jinx, there had to still be some shred of basic human decency between them. They both cared about her; Vi, as a sister, and Caitlyn as... whatever.

A mess of emotions, she shuffled back to bed. Lying horizontal, hands resting by her sides, she pictured Jinx in that same position, in a hospital somewhere, hooked up to beeping machines keeping her alive.

Her tears fell silently. Rather than wipe them away, she let them run onto her neck and hair and pillow.

The shifting oranges and browns of her streetlight-dappled ceiling changed shape with the flow of the passing traffic outside. She zoned out, staring and staring and staring, until the shadows became dreams.

Come morning, Caitlyn woke with purpose for the first time in a fortnight. No more feeling helpless, crying herself to sleep. She couldn’t live with all of the uncertainty. She couldn’t sit idly by the phone, hoping for an update that might never come.

She would find Jinx on her own, whether Vi liked it or not.

First step: call her. The odds were slim, but she’d dealt with enough missing persons cases to know that sometimes people weren’t missing at all. Sometimes, all it took to find someone was a few anonymous phone calls.

Call it a detective’s memory, or plain obsession, but Caitlyn knew Jinx’s number by heart. She’d deleted it from her phone, not her brain.

The line rang out half a dozen times, but on the seventh, someone answered.

‘Yeah?’ A husky voice – not Jinx.

‘Oh, uh...’ Had she dialled incorrectly? ‘Sorry, I’m looking to speak with Jinx. Do you know her? Is she with you?’

‘Who’s asking?’ Judging by the speaker’s instant hostility, they knew Jinx perfectly well. So, why were they answering instead of her?

‘Where is she?’ Caitlyn returned the speaker’s animosity, drenching her tone in her unique Kiramman brand of passive aggression.

‘Who’s. Asking.’

‘A friend.’

‘Name?’

‘Only if you tell me yours,’ Caitlyn sniped. ‘Who are you?’

‘A friend,’ they said, mocking her earlier answer. ‘Sevika.’

‘Sevika?’ They’d never met, but every enforcer in Piltover knew that name. Silco’s righthand woman, in charge of his operations while he rotted in prison. Caitlyn knew that Jinx and Sevika had ties, of course, but... ‘What’re you doing with Jinx’s phone?’

‘What’re you doing calling it?’

‘Oh, for gods’ sake,’ Caitlyn sighed. The back-and-forth power struggle was growing tiresome. ‘Look, you have her phone, so I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume you’ve seen her in the last couple of days. Correct?’

‘What if I have?’

‘Well,’ she gritted her teeth, determined to maintain some semblance of patience with this intolerable woman. ‘If you have, you’ll know about her current condition, and if you know about that, it should hardly come as a surprise that a friend of hers, such as myself, might want to know that she’s okay, should it?’

Sevika didn’t respond.

Had she gone too hard on the sarcasm? She was too frustrated to tell. She just wanted to talk to Jinx, or at least get some sign that she was—

‘You still haven’t told me your name,’ Sevika said. ‘No name, no info. You could be anyone, Piltie.’

Fuck. Okay. ‘It’s Caitlyn.’

‘Kiramman?’ Sevika sounded amused at the revelation. ‘Vi put you up to this?’

The question seemed more curious than accusatory, suggesting a certain... indifference. Did Sevika actually care about any of this, or was she just passing her time fielding Jinx’s calls, getting a rise out of making Caitlyn’s life difficult?

‘This is the last thing Vi would want me to do, believe me.’ Another sigh; another inward plea for patience. And then, a thought: ‘Why? Has she been in touch?’

‘And then some,’ Sevika chuckled. ‘That street rat’s making me wanna change my damn number.’

‘Vi does have that effect on people,’ Caitlyn said, indulging in a laugh of her own.

‘Uh-huh.’ Sevika cleared her throat, as something clicked in the background – a lighter, perhaps. ‘Alright, I’ll tell you what I told Big Red.’ More clicking, a grunt, and footsteps, pacing to and fro. What was she doing? ‘Jinx is safe, but not up to visitors.’

So, Vi had already tried to visit, huh? She’d found Jinx and kept it to herself, just as Caitlyn feared. Fan-fucking-tastic. Good to know they were both able to be so mature about this.

‘Not up to visitors,’ Caitlyn said, consolidating the information. ‘Okay. But she’s safe.’ Relief. ‘She’s going to recover?’

‘Always does,’ Sevika scoffed. ‘Cats got nothin’ on that girl.’

Cats? Oh. ‘Nine lives...’ Caitlyn winced at the implication. By that metric, how many lives had Jinx used up? How many did she have left? It didn’t bear thinking about. ‘She’s a survivor, I suppose.’

‘Zaun’ll do that to you,’ Sevika quipped. ‘Why’s she got a Piltie like you checking up on her, anyhow? Seems to me you already escaped this mess.’

‘She’s my friend,’ Caitlyn simmered. ‘What’s there to escape?’

‘Ahh...’ Sevika’s pitch heightened, as though in the midst of a revelation. ‘Gotten close lately, I’ll bet.’

What did she mean by that?

‘I suppose,’ Caitlyn replied with caution.

A pointed silence, and then: ‘I’ll give her your regards, Kiramman.’ With deadpan delivery, Sevika hung up.

Caitlyn stared at her phone, feeling cheated. That was not how the conversation should have gone. As a detective, she was usually good at extracting information from people, but talking to Sevika was impossible. The words blood and stone came to mind. That woman definitely had bodies buried in her basement.

Jinx could’ve been anywhere in Zaun, its underbelly ran deep, but at least she was alive, safe, and getting help... Caitlyn trusted Sevika’s word on that; something about her weary, sardonic tone implied honesty. Vi clearly thought so, too. But unlike Vi, Caitlyn knew when to take a step back.

If Jinx wasn’t ready for visitors, Caitlyn wouldn’t try to visit. But after all that had transpired, they needed to talk.

Patience. It was all about patience.

Caitlyn would wait, and when the time was right, she would be there. No more denying her feelings, pretending that moving on from Jinx was ever a possibility. She would always be there.

Chapter Text

‘Today’s the day, Pow-Pow... Are you ready?’

Curled up in bed with the blanket over her head, clutching Mister Bunny for dear life, Powder let out tiny, muffled sobs. She was petrified, preparing herself for failure before she’d even tried.

Vi perched on the edge of the bed. The feel of her weight sent a little shock of comfort into Powder’s chest.

‘Wanna talk about it?’

If there was anyone Powder could’ve spoken to in that moment, it would’ve been Vi. But she couldn’t. Hadn’t said a word since halfway through the summer break, the day she remembered she’d soon be back to school. Back to being weak, nerdy, pathetic Powder.

School sucked for everyone, but it seemed to suck that little bit extra for her. All the other kids saw when they looked at her was an easy target. At the care home, she had Vi to protect her from Mylo and anyone else foolish enough to pick on her, but at school she only had Ekko. Whenever he tried to stop the bullies, they all turned on him instead. She hated that more than anything.

One day, when she was older and strong enough to fight back, she’d burn down that stupid school and every single asshole inside of it.

‘Alright,’ Vi said. ‘Well, Pow, whenever you wanna talk, I’ll be here to listen. You know that.’

Powder nodded, enough for Vi to see the movement through the blanket.

‘But for now, I guess there’s only one thing for it...’

Squeezing herself next to Powder on the small mattress, Vi ducked her head under the covers and entered the shrouded, quilt world. The fabric was a tapestry of pink, tinging everything beneath it with a rosy glow. The buzzed sides of Vi’s hair had never looked more like bubble-gum. Powder giggled at the sight.

Spurred on by the sudden bout of laughter, Vi wiggled her fingers with an evil glint in her eyes. ‘Ha-ha, gotcha now!’ She cackled as she launched into an onslaught of the most torturous tickles known to humanity.

Powder laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe.

Vi still made her go to school that day, but she felt better for it, like she took a piece of her big sister along with her.

On the tenth day of treatment, Jinx woke up at Singed’s ‘hospital’ for the last time.

For the time being.

No, forever. It was the last time to end all last times.

She said never again, and she meant it.

She meant it so much it made her shake. The momentum gave her more energy than she’d had in months.

The new meds helped, too. Real antipsychotics this time; stolen from a registered psychiatrist, thanks to Sevika’s lackies. In those early days of recovery, each orange, circular tablet felt like a lifeline. But they were just a temporary fix until she met with Heimy. Heimy would know what to do.

She couldn’t wait to see him again, to resume real treatment beyond popping a pill every day. She couldn’t wait to get back to the Lanes and her apartment. Normal life... Whatever that meant.

It included Ekko, at least. They’d spoken on the phone every day for the past week. After neglecting his friendship for so long, she had no idea why he’d stuck around, but she appreciated it more than she could express.

She wished he didn’t know how deeply she’d fucked up over the last few months, but he knew everything. All her fault, of course. She’d told Vi about Caitlyn, and Vi, in her untapped wisdom, relayed it all to Ekko.

Vi had to confide in someone, sure, but why not Seraphine? She was almost a witness to Jinx’s confession. And weren’t fiancées supposed to talk to each other about stuff like that? Why reach out to Little Man when Little Future Wifey was there the whole time? It didn’t make sense, but, well... Relationships were complicated, right?

Things with Caitlyn sure were.

Of all the ways Jinx could’ve broken their mutual promise, spewing her icky feelings about Caitlyn all over Vi’s fancy new house and fancy new life was not the finest choice. Not that it was an actual choice; her brain hadn’t granted her that luxury.

Ugh, and Sevika knew, too. The ogre tried to hide it at first, but the odd looks and pointed comments about the differences between Pilties and Zaunites were so on the nose, they may as well have been nostrils. That woman really needed to learn discretion. She’d no doubt told Ran and the whole crew.

Not Dustin, though. Ha-ha-ha! Crusty Dusty was probably resting in pieces at the bottom of the Pilt already; Sevika was very, very good at her job.

Not so good under extreme duress, though. Jinx extracted the truth about the call from Caitlyn in less than an hour, and all it took was a round of obnoxious singing in the ogre’s ear. Gee, they had such fun together sometimes!

She missed that. Fun. Happiness. Levity...

Once she knew about the phone call, she wished she hadn’t asked. She couldn’t handle the humiliation and frustration of Caitlyn both knowing and caring about her latest spiral. But in a curious sense, it aroused her.

Caitlyn had sought Jinx out, wanting to see her after their turbulent time apart, but Sevika denied her. Ten days since Singed had taken Jinx in. Three weeks, give or take, since she and Caitlyn had last seen each other... All that waiting. All that suffering. It must’ve been torture.

Jinx hoped it stung. She hoped it kept Caitlyn up at night, writhing pitifully in bed. She hoped it made her feel pathetic; they’d have that in common. Two pathetic urchins with only each other for company.

But what if Caitlyn had moved on by now?

What if she was angry at her, or worse, indifferent?

Jinx tried not to think about it. She had to focus on the parts of life she could control. Taking her medication, staying sober, eating three meals a day, getting enough sleep, keeping her appointments with Heimy. The basics. She couldn’t let anything disrupt her recovery.

Did she want to get back in touch with Caitlyn? Of course. Would it take all of the willpower in the known universe to stop her gravitating to Caitlyn’s doorstep at the first opportunity? Of fucking course.

That was where Ekko came in. They’d planned it all out. Sevika would drop her off at her apartment, where Ekko would meet her. They’d hang out all night playing video games, watching movies, and eating their own bodyweight in snacks. A miniature welcome home party, with just the two of them invited. Jinx couldn’t think of a better way to spend her first night back.

She’d agonise over Caitlyn later...

She checked the clock. 14:02. Sevika was officially late.

Passing the time, she grabbed her shiny new pill box from her bedside. Its translucent, neon green plastic allowed her to spy on the brain candy inside. She turned the box one way, then another, watching as the pills rattled side to side.

What if Sevika wasn’t coming anymore? What if Jinx would have to spend yet another shitty day in that shitty room?

Nope, not happening. If Sevika didn’t turn up, she’d make her own way back.

Busy concocting an escape plan, she didn’t notice the door swing open.

‘Alright, let’s go, kid,’ Sevika beckoned from the hallway. ‘Got everything?’

‘Not a kid,’ Jinx corrected. ‘And yes.’

With unrestrained glee, she slipped her new pill box into the small front pocket of her rucksack and heaved it over her shoulder. The strap hung tight, weighed down by all sorts of guff, most of which didn’t really belong to her. The pyjamas she’d borrowed from Seraphine; another pair Sevika bought her; a couple of sci-fi books from the Doc’s stash that she was in the middle of reading; and the new set of apartment keys Sevika had gotten cut for her.

In all the palaver, she’d lost her old set. Nothing new there. What was new, and had caught Jinx off guard, was Sevika’s behaviour. She went out of her way to get those keys replaced, to get the pyjamas and snacks and whatever else. The old broad had a heart, after all.

Or else, Silco had severely tightened the reins. Jinx’s latest episode must’ve really spooked him.

Grabbing her phone from the bed, she rushed to join the ogre’s side. Tilted her head upwards to make eye contact. Half-smiled, half-frowned: ‘You’re late.’

‘Deal was two-ish,’ Sevika huffed, and shoved a bottle of cherry-flavoured water and another of her killer sandwiches into Jinx’s hands. ‘For the road,’ she said, already making strides towards the exit.

‘Awesome!’ Grin on full beam, Jinx skipped alongside the ogre’s brisk march. ‘Thanks mom!’

Sevika’s brow twitched in irritation. ‘Don’t.’

‘What’s the matter?’ Jinx asked in the most childlike voice she could muster. ‘Don’t wanna admit you care about little ol’ me?’

‘I don’t.’ A brazen lie. ‘Just following orders.’

‘Sure, sure,’ she teased, ‘whatever you need to tell yourself.’

‘Jinx.’

‘Sevika.’

A low, perturbed grumble was all the ogre gave in response.

Oh, the journey back promised to be so much fun!

Jinx spied Ekko’s white locs the second Sevika’s battered old car turned onto her street. There he was, pacing back and forth in the early afternoon sun, kicking rocks and clumps of dirt away from the pavement. Waiting for her like he promised.

‘Alright.’ Sevika parked up with a grunt and flashed Jinx a side-eyed grin. ‘See you tomorrow, bright n’ early.’

‘Ughhhhhhh!’ With an exaggerated groan, Jinx freed herself of her seatbelt and slumped in the passenger seat with all the integrity of an overcooked noodle.

‘We discussed this,’ Sevika reminded her, holding back a snarl. ‘Starting from tomorrow, you’re going to see Doctor Heimerdinger twice a week, like you agreed, and I’m taking you to make sure you turn up.’

‘Can’t I just go by myself?’ A pointless plea, but she had to try. The ogre escorting her to therapy sounded like hell. Seeing her that often, consistently? Shudder. Plus, Jinx wasn’t a child; she didn’t need someone holding her hand like that.

‘And risk another shitstorm?’ Sevika laughed through seething anger. ‘Yeah. Not happening, kid.’

‘But I—’

‘Stop.’ Sevika’s hands tightened around the steering wheel, veins bulging out from under her brown skin. ‘We’ve tried it your way, and it doesn’t work. I’ve let you fuck around enough. No more. By Janna, you’re going to do better this time Jinx, even if I have to force you every step of the damn way.’

Her mind screamed at her to fuck up again, just to rub her failure in Sevika’s face. It would be so easy to hop out of the car and run straight to Dustin’s place and—

Oh, wait. That wasn’t an option anymore, was it?

Didn’t really want it to be, either.

Jinx folded in on herself. Stared at her thighs. The soft black cotton of her leggings, looser on her than they were meant to be. A tiny patch of pale skin shone out from a moth-bitten hole, just below her right knee.

Curious things, clothes moths. Good parents. They laid their teensy, weensy eggs on whatever cosy-looking fabric took their fancy, making sure their precious larvae hatched onto something super yummy and stylish to munch on, helping them grow big and strong from the jump. Imagine wriggling out of your little baby egg sack, straight onto a luxury cashmere jumper, a vintage band tee, or a pair of delicious leggings.

Sounded like a nice life. Better than whatever being human offered, for sure. Clothes moths didn’t have to worry about shit like addiction issues or mental health disorders or fucked up relationships. They just bumbled around people’s houses until they found the cosiest place to settle down. Their only concern? Fucking cedar wood, or whatever the fuck people used to repel them.

Oh, Caitlyn definitely used shit like that in her closets, didn’t she? She was so the type. No way would she ever let one of those fancy, Piltie suits of hers get lovingly consumed like that. No moth was safe in a Kiramman household.

‘Sevika,’ Jinx peered up at the ogre, deep in thought, ‘am I like a moth?’

‘Are you like a what?’ Sevika gawped, almost yelling out of sheer confusion. ‘A moth?’

Okay, wrong person to ask. ‘Heh,’ she clammed up and turned back to the tiny hole in her leggings. ‘Never mind.’

‘A butterfly, maybe,’ Sevika scoffed. ‘And no, that’s not a compliment. You don’t wanna know how many gods damn caterpillars have ruined my cabbages over the years.’

Jinx gazed at Sevika with discombobulated glee. ‘You... you garden?’

‘What?’ Sevika shrugged. ‘I can’t have a hobby?’

An almighty cackle ripped from Jinx’s mouth, shaking her whole body as it possessed her. Her tummy and ribs and cheeks ached with it – a laugh of pure joy. Who’d have thought that Sevika, of all people, could’ve roused that from her?

‘Okay,’ she said, catching her breath. ‘I cave. You can take me to see Heimy, or whatever.’

‘Damn right I can,’ Sevika chuckled. ‘This is your life now.’

In other words, she didn’t have a choice.

‘Yep.’ Groaning yet again, she sat back up, ready to leave. ‘Tomorrow, then.’

‘Nine o’clock sharp,’ Sevika confirmed. Halfway out of the car, she turned back with a wry grin. ‘Bring me a cabbage for good luck?’

‘Tsk,’ Sevika rolled her eyes as she revved the engine. ‘Bye.’

Jinx slammed the door shut with a final giggle, ‘Byeee!’

Watching the ogre drive off, Jinx almost missed her. Wow. She really needed more friends... Thank fuck for Ekko.

She bounded up to him, rucksack jostling behind her.

‘Finally!’ Ekko waved her over, bursting with a grin she couldn’t help but mirror.

As they embraced in a tight hug, he twirled her around, summoning another joyful cackle.

Returning to the apartment, she wasn’t sure what to expect. Part of her wondered if Sevika might’ve cleaned up for her, but that was wishful thinking. With Ekko by her side, she braced herself, and opened the door.

Her eyes widened in horror, taking it all in. The hardwood floor was barely visible beneath piles of dirty laundry and dishes, empty liquor bottles, fast food wrappers, random crap she had no plausible explanation for. A blow-up sex doll lay strewn across the sofa; a grin of dark purple lipstick – her dark purple lipstick – smudged across the hole it had for a mouth. Yeah... Literally no explanation for that whatsoever.

And the most inexplicable thing of all? No sign of any drugs. The coffee table, prime Shimmer and Fade real estate, actually looked clean. Spotless, in fact.

Oh. Oh, that bitch! Sevika had swung by, huh? Removed the drugs but left everything else. Some bullshit way of teaching a lesson... Whatever.

As she ventured inside, the smell hit. She covered her nose, but to no effect. The ripe tang of rot and smoke and sweat and festering old puke was inescapable. It felt more like entering a junkyard than a home.

Had it ever felt like home? She’d spent so much time alone and miserable in there... Home wasn’t supposed to be a lonely place.

‘Well, this is, uh...’ Ekko stood gingerly in the threshold, scratching the back of his neck.

Must’ve felt weird for him coming back there after everything he’d seen last time. Weird for both of them, she supposed.

‘Yep.’ She threw him an anxious smile. ‘You totally don’t have to stay.’

‘Nah, you’re stuck with me,’ he winked, smiling back at her. ‘Where d’you wanna start?’

‘Start...?’

‘Cleaning up,’ he said, like it was glaringly obvious.

‘Oh.’ Casting her eyes back to the defaced sex doll, she winced. ‘Here, I guess.’

Three hours (and an unholy number of bin bags, rubber gloves, and bottles of cleaning solution) later, they’d restored the apartment to something mostly habitable. The five brimming bags of laundry set aside to lug down to the communal washing machines made Jinx feel tired just to look at, and a highly questionable smell still lurked amidst the sweet layers of cookie-scented room spray, but they’d taken care of the worst of it. The feats that two ADHDers could achieve when armed with determination and a kickass playlist were truly terrifying. When Jinx allowed it, they made an unstoppable team.

‘Mkay, think we might actually be done here.’ She wiped her brow, admiring a job well done. ‘What now?’

‘Hmm...’ He glanced at her neglected games console and grimaced. ‘Honestly, after all that... Takeout and a movie?’

‘Sure,’ Jinx shrugged, happy to go along with whatever Ekko wanted. ‘Gotta shower this stink off me first, though.’

While Ekko searched Runeflix’s horror section for something he hadn’t already seen, Jinx grabbed her phone and locked herself in the freshly spritzed and sparkling bathroom.

Big mistake.

Since entering the apartment, she’d been so focused on cleaning it that she hadn’t spared a thought for Caitlyn. She hadn’t even spared a thought for the lack of thought. She’d only taken her phone in with her so she could listen to music while she showered, but now, truly alone and at her own mercy for the first time in weeks, the temptation to contact Caitlyn dizzied her.

Phone in hand, she stared at it, helpless to resist.

Standing stiff as a pole in the middle of the bathroom, she opened her messages. Her thread with Caitlyn was the third most recent, beneath Ekko and Vi...

Her mood slumped as she glanced over the ream of texts from her sister. A problem for another day. She couldn’t deal with Vi just yet.

Caitlyn, though...

She didn’t know what to expect with Caitlyn, but she needed to find out. If things weren’t cleared up soon, the questions and feelings she’d spent the last few weeks trying to ignore would eat and eat and eat at her, and there wasn’t much left of her to begin with. She’d relapsed over less in the past; she couldn’t risk it. She had to take control and make the first move, right fucking then and there.

Unsure of the right words to open a text with, she opted for a selfie. Something with a hint of skin, courtesy of the messy bun exposing her neck. After taking a few quick snaps, she checked out the results. Not bad. Especially considering she’d just gotten back from a stint at Doctor Scary’s.

Biting her lip, she selected the option with the most skin on show, and sent it before she could lose her nerve. The subsequent shower was the best she’d had in years. She felt invigorated.

Until she stepped out, and found that Caitlyn hadn’t replied...

Maybe she just hadn’t seen it yet? Probably busy at work or something. Or maybe the selfie was too much, too soon?

Fuck.

As Jinx breezed out of the bathroom to get dressed, Ekko murmured something about a ‘classic,’ but she couldn’t discern his exact words.

‘Huh!?’

She rummaged through her bedroom drawers for something cosy to wear. Nothing. Every item of clothing she liked was probably in one of those huge laundry bags. Ah, but there were always the pyjamas in her rucksack...

Seraphine’s were clean, but tainted. She’d have sooner set them on fire than wear them again. The set from Sevika were a bit musty, but they’d do. More her style, anyway. Heh, almost like Sevika actually knew her. Freaky.

‘Something fun, I’m thinking?’ Ekko continued in the background. ‘They’ve got all the Sump of the Dead franchise, Mundo’s Madhouse... Ooh! Time-travelling Vampires from Outer Space!’

He’d definitely pick the last one; it was his favourite, ever since they were kids.

‘Whatever you want,’ she said, smiling to herself.

Humming one of the songs they’d cleaned to, she strolled back to the sofa. Ekko had already made his choice; the title card was on the screen, ready to play.

‘So, vamps in space, huh?’ She plonked herself down, snickering at Ekko. ‘So predictable, Little Man.’

‘Time-travelling vamps,’ he corrected, hitting the play button. ‘Gotta love ‘em.’

Over halfway into the action, Jinx’s phone buzzed. Caitlyn!? The shockwave of nerves alarmed her more than any vampire ever could.

Part of her wanted to ignore it, check her phone at the end of the movie. If it wasn’t Caitlyn, she’d delay that drop of disappointment. But if it was her...

She flipped her phone over, and lo and behold, the name she wanted to see more than any other peered up at her. With an internal explosion of glee, she opened the message.

Caitlyn:

That’s either your apartment, or a very bougie hospital room...

Glad to see you’re home x

The strength of Jinx’s sudden grin hurt her cheeks.

So, Caitlyn still cared. That was... something.

Jinx:

miss me?

This time, Caitlyn’s reply came instantly:

Of course.

I missed you too.

Jinx tried to type out the words filling her heart, but her fingers froze, hovering over the phone screen.

And then Caitlyn sent something else:

You’re all I think about.

The surge of emotion stirred by those words brought Jinx close to tears. She shook it off before Ekko could notice and ask what was wrong. Couldn’t exactly blame Time-travelling Vampires from Outer Space! for making her cry, could she? Nor could she keep this conversation going whilst Ekko sat idly by, oblivious.

Continuing through text felt... wrong.

Jinx:

can i see you?

in person

A few minutes passed. Had she been too forward, too keen? Too damn desperate.

Fighting against falling into a bad mood, she put her phone down, only for it to buzz again.

Caitlyn:

When? Xx

Two kisses! Jinx could’ve screamed. If not for Ekko on the sofa next to her, she probably would’ve. Loudly.

Okay, meeting up with Caitlyn so soon went flagrantly against her original plan, but that had been a stupid plan, anyway.

Fuck it!

Jinx:

tonight?

u free?

Caitlyn:

I’m free.

Are you sure it’s not too soon?

The question irritated her, but she’d seen it coming. Everyone assumed Jinx needed time – time, time, time, time, time – but she didn’t. Not now, faced with the chance of a real conversation with Caitlyn, after so many months of posturing and distance. More than enough time had already passed between them.

Jinx:

i’m sure.

Caitlyn:

Well, okay then... Your place or mine?

Mentally unprepared to leave her apartment and brave the outside world, Jinx replied instinctively:

mine

But what about Ekko?

Jinx:

actually, can we meet in the car?

kinda have company

ekko’s here

that okay?

Caitlyn:

Whatever’s best for you xxx

Three kisses!?

Caitlyn continued:

What time?

Chewing the inside of her cheek, she glanced at Ekko, then back to her phone. She really hoped he wouldn’t hate her for this.

Jinx:

asap

Caitlyn:

Okay, I’ll be there soon xxx

Three kisses AGAIN!?

Phew. Okay. So, new plan...

Ekko was supposed to sleep over, which meant it wouldn’t be easy to convince him to go home at the end of the first movie of the night. Even if she feigned sickness, he’d just insist on staying to watch over her.

What if she told him the truth? Ha, nope! Definitely not an option.

She’d have to make something up, sneak out for a few... Ooh, they hadn’t eaten yet!

‘Hey, uh, you hungry?’ Jinx asked as nonchalantly as she could. ‘I’m starved.’

Blood splashed across the screen as one of those pesky space vamps ripped out someone’s heart and drank from it like a juice-box.

‘Uh...’ Ekko pried his eyes away from the campy carnage unfolding. ‘Sure.’

‘Jericho’s?’

‘Sounds good to me,’ he said. ‘I’ll call ‘em.’

‘Okay, cool.’ She sucked her teeth, plotting her next move. ‘I’ll collect it.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ Ekko frowned, understandably baffled; Jinx never volunteered herself like that.

‘Yep!’ She smiled coyly. Guilty. ‘Could use the fresh air, y’know.’

‘Alright, I’ll come with.’

‘Nah, I’d rather go alone,’ she said. ‘As much as I appreciate you being here for me, I kinda need a minute to myself...’

‘Oh, okay.’ His brow twitched upwards, eyes widened, lips thinned.

She knew that look; he wasn’t okay with it at all.

‘It’s just Jericho’s, Ekko,’ she said. ‘I’ll be, like, ten minutes... Fifteen, tops.’

Half an hour later, Jinx threw a hoodie on over her pyjamas and rushed downstairs, out onto the street. It sounded like the perfect crime; ten minutes with Caitlyn, then straight to Jericho’s to keep up the ruse. Caitlyn had parked around the corner, just to make sure Ekko couldn’t see them from the apartment windows. He wouldn’t suspect a thing.

They sat in Caitlyn’s car. Stationary, lights off, nothing but the sights and sounds of the surrounding Lanes to distract them. Caitlyn had come dressed in a pant suit, like she’d driven straight from work. What prior commitments had she dropped to see Jinx out of the blue like that?

She tingled at the thought. This was real. Really, really real.

In the passenger seat, she fiddled with the zip of her hoodie. Pulled the tab up and down. Up, and down. Up, and down. Up, and—

‘It’s good to see you, Jinx...’

Just hearing Caitlyn say her name out loud gave her goosebumps.

Glancing up, she caught Caitlyn’s eyes, glistening in the twilight. Too intense. Way too intense. Did they really have to do this in the car, of all places? She felt all boxed in.

What a great idea, Jinx!

She returned to her zip – up, down, up, down.

‘I know you told Vi about us,’ Caitlyn said. Fuck. Stop. No. ‘It’s okay, Jinx. You weren’t in your right frame of mind.’

The leather seat squeaked as Caitlyn shifted position, leant in a little closer.

Jinx didn’t dare look up again; she could feel eyes on her. She moved the zip quicker and quicker. It eased her mind to have something to play with.

‘If I’m honest,’ Caitlyn continued, ‘I’m glad she knows.’ Oh, she wasn’t mad about it...? ‘I’ve never liked keeping secrets.’

‘Me neither,’ Jinx muttered.

A soft hand stilled her antsy fingers, slipping between the cracks. Opening new ones in her defences. The zip fell away, replaced by Caitlyn’s warm skin and a tight grip.

‘Why did you want to see me?’ Caitlyn’s mouth tugged at the sides. Fragile hope lurked in every flicker of body language. ‘What do you want, Jinx?’

Caitlyn had asked something similar that first night they spent together. Tell me what you want. It was the first time Jinx had felt like her desire mattered.

‘I...’ Words eluded her; she wanted so much.

She wanted them to finally talk with no barriers up. No thoughts of Vi and the past. She wanted to know where she stood – for Caitlyn to tell her, clear as glass, exactly how she felt. And most of all, she wanted Caitlyn. She wanted Caitlyn to love her in all the ways she needed and didn’t deserve. How could she ever say any of that?

She missed Heimy and his post-it notes. If only she could’ve sat there and drawn something while the words came tumbling out, unfiltered and raw.

What was it he said in their last session, all those months ago, before things went to shit?

‘Relationships are a daunting voyage,’ she recalled out loud, imitating his dorky accent.

Hearing it back, she snorted out a laugh. Then remembered where she was, and who she was with.

To her delight, Caitlyn chuckled, ‘very true.’

They shared a smile. Her focus shifted to Caitlyn’s hand entwined in hers. There was something so bizarrely right about it.

‘We want the things that have the most power to hurt us,’ she said. ‘Vices, right? Drugs, booze...’ Ex-sister-in-laws.

She met Caitlyn’s eyes again. Those beautiful azure orbs, open wide, saw all of her. Every flaw, every strength.

‘Jinx—’

Feeling exposed, like a hermit crab with no shell to scuttle into, Jinx ripped her hand away from Caitlyn and curled up as much as she could in the stiff seat.

‘Why’d you call me?’ She winced, forcing herself to make eye contact and not bury her face between her knees. ‘The time Sevika picked up... Why’d you call?’

It took all of her willpower to look at Caitlyn. Really look.

‘I was worried,’ Caitlyn said. ‘Terrified, actually.’

Jinx’s gut flipped at the tremor in her voice, the pain contorting her face.

‘I needed you to be okay, and Vi, she…’ Caitlyn scoffed, pissed off by the memory. Nice going, Big Sis. ‘Well, she wouldn’t tell me anything, so I had to investigate.’

‘Investigate?’ Unfurling a little, Jinx stretched out one leg, but kept the other bound to her body. ‘You deployed your genius detective skills for me?’

‘Don’t mock, it was just a phone call,’ Caitlyn snickered despite herself. ‘But I panicked... What else could I have done?’

‘Send out a search party?’ Jinx teased, merciless. ‘Were you disappointed when the ogre answered instead of me?’

‘The ogre!?’ Caitlyn laughed – a light, perfect laugh. ‘That’s what you call Sevika?’

‘Suits her, don’t ya think?’

‘If I ever meet her in person, I’ll let you know,’ Caitlyn said. ‘But no, I wasn’t disappointed. Not when she finally told me what I needed to know, at least. She assured me you were being looked after, that you’d be okay… I had no idea things had gotten so bad.’

‘Yeah, well, it is what it is, right?’

‘I’m sorry, Jinx,’ Caitlyn urged. ‘I’m so sorry for how I spoke to you that night. If I’d have known how much you were struggling, I—’

‘Don’t.’ Her voice shrank to a whisper. ‘It’s not your fault I got sick again, Cait. Just me being me.’

‘No. No, I caused it this time, I know I did. I’ve been an arsehole.’

‘Sure, you have, but...’ Jinx smiled. ‘You’ve been pretty great, too. I mean, fuck, you basically saved my life. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me.’

‘You?’ Caitlyn shook her head. ‘What for?’

‘What not for?’ Lost in Caitlyn, Jinx unravelled completely. Took that soft, warm hand back into hers, where it belonged. ‘I’m sorry for being a total mess, for telling Vi, for not being as good for you as she was.’

‘What d’you mean?’

‘Come on, Cait, I’m too fucked up to even date you.’ Jinx felt like she needed to sigh, or yawn, or scream, but she couldn’t get the air into her lungs properly. ‘I’m like... the consolation prize.’

‘Consolation?’ Caitlyn seemed offended. No, no, no, she’d ruined it again! ‘What exactly do I need consoling of? The divorce was my idea, remember? Vi and I weren’t right together. You know we weren’t, you said it yourself.’

‘Okay, but—’

‘I want to be with you, Jinx.’

Oh.

‘You,’ Caitlyn repeated. ‘Not Vi, or Mel, or anyone else. You.’

‘Sure, you wanna fuck me and be all casual.’ There was that familiar gut drop. She wasn’t good enough. Never would be.

‘For fuck’s sake, I never should’ve said that.’ Caitlyn pulled her hand away, but only to whack herself in the face in consternation. ‘I just... I thought a proper commitment would be too hard... for both of us, not just me. I didn’t think you wanted anything serious.’

‘I can be serious,’ she demanded. ‘You think that just ‘cause I’m a fuck up, I can’t be something more? That I can’t...’ Tears streamed, but she paid them no mind. ‘...can’t love you? Can’t be loved by someone like you?’

‘No, I—’

‘Like you’re so perfect?’ She spat. ‘You have problems too, you’re just better at hiding them!’

‘I know.’ Caitlyn bridged the distance between them and cupped Jinx’s face, stroked her cheeks, brushed the tears away. ‘Please, don’t cry...’

Those warm hands felt like fire now. She melted into them. Into Caitlyn.

Their foreheads met, and she wished she could glue them together; be close like that forever.

Caitlyn’s breath filled her senses, sweet and earthy, layered with peppermint. Must’ve chewed gum on her way over.

Hoping for some action, huh? Jinx suppressed a giggle, almost choked on it.

She couldn’t swallow without tasting Caitlyn on her tongue, lodged thick in her throat. Couldn’t hold herself together much longer. Caitlyn’s lips were so close...

‘Do you mean it?’ She rasped, unable to mask how helpless she felt. ‘Do you really want to be with me? Even after—’

‘Shh,’ Caitlyn hushed, placing a delicate thumb to Jinx’s parted lips. ‘I mean it, Jinx. You have no idea how much.’

Jinx’s tears returned, but so did her nerve. ‘I want to be with you, too,’ she confessed.

There, she’d finally said it. And if she didn’t act on it soon, she’d explode.

Slowly, she tilted her head up and a little to the side, catching Caitlyn’s lips with her own. They felt even better than she remembered. Soft and inviting, slick with some kind of lip balm. Minty, like the gum on her breath.

Caitlyn let out a small, approving moan, spurring Jinx on. She reached out, desperate to touch wherever she could. Laying her hands on Caitlyn’s face, Jinx felt the wetness of her tears, the smudge of make-up clinging to her cheeks. She coaxed Caitlyn’s mouth open and slipped in her tongue. Folded her fingers into Caitlyn’s silky hair.

She’d forgotten how good it could feel to lose herself in someone. The physical sensation of it all; instinct, impulse. Total surrender to the rhythm of her body and all it commanded. To be touched, yearned for, devoured...

Oh, she wasn’t a moth at all. More like the clothes they nestled into, there for others to consume as they wished. She hung limp on her own, waiting idly for people to try her on for size, maybe wear her for a day or two before discarding her. Or else, people chewed holes in her. Little holes, held together by frayed, bitten threads. Holes that doubled in size and made her unwearable. Undesirable, for most.

But Caitlyn desired her. What did that mean? That Caitlyn was equally chewed up? Or were broken things the new Piltie fashion trend?

The uncertainty stung the back of her throat. She buried it in Caitlyn. Kissed until she ran out of breath. Pressed into her as much as she could.

The gearstick and other car junk between them forced distance. Simple solution for that!

She thrust herself out of the passenger seat and straddled Caitlyn’s lap. The dig of the steering wheel against her tailbone barely registered as their lips reconnected, hungrier than before.

‘Wait,’ Caitlyn pulled away, panting. Needful eyes raked her over. ‘You’re sure this isn’t too soon? You’ve thought about this?’

‘Why?’ She seized up. That damn question again, really? ‘You wanna wait even longer?’

‘Well, no, but… I would. If you needed me to.’

Jinx grinned, smug, ‘you would, wouldn’t you?’ Flush to Caitlyn’s body, she ground her hips. Caitlyn’s eyes fluttered shut. ‘Maybe I should make you…’ She stole a teasingly brief kiss. ‘Wonder how long you’d last.’

How much did Caitlyn want her? Six months’ worth? A year? When would she stop pining, stop caring?

‘Fuck,’ Caitlyn sighed into Jinx’s neck. Kissed her there, right on her pulse point. ‘I’d wait forever.’

Bullshit. People said anything in the heat of the moment. Jinx couldn’t trust it. But she’d ride it out, see how far Caitlyn could stretch. How long either of them could keep going before the relationship crumbled. Before she fucked it all up and Caitlyn realised how much better she could do.

She ground her hips harder this time, and kissed her again. If she could’ve sucked out Caitlyn’s soul with that kiss, she would have.

Maybe there was a touch of moth larvae to her, after all? She would’ve happily munched on any part of Caitlyn, all day, every day...

‘Jinx?’ Caitlyn said her name like it was the most perfect word in the history of words. ‘Jinx, what about Ekko?’

Huh? Why would Caitlyn mention—

‘Won’t he be wondering where you are?’

‘Oh, fuck!’ Her heartbeat thrummed in her ears, as she tumbled back into the passenger seat, a mess of arousal and panic. ‘Fifteen minutes, tops!? Fucking idiot!’

In all the kerfuffle, she whacked her head against the car door. Painful enough to bruise. Caitlyn leant across in a flash, soothing the sore spot at the base of her skull, quietening her freshly heightened anxiety.

‘It’s okay,’ Caitlyn assured. Her tender hands massaged away the discomfort. ‘Ekko will understand. He thinks you’re getting food, right?’

Jinx nodded, ‘Jericho’s. Our favourite.’

‘That slop?’ Caitlyn grimaced, then shook her head with an adorable chuckle. ‘Of course; I’m talking to the person who considers trail mix a decent breakfast.’ She stroked Jinx’s cheek. ‘Want me to come with you? To Jericho’s, I mean.’

‘Pfft, I wish.’ Face nuzzled into Caitlyn’s hand, Jinx sighed, eyes closed, relishing the company while she still had it.

She could only imagine what the staff in there would think if they saw her and Caitlyn together. Wouldn’t take long for someone to tell Ekko. Come to think of it, someone could’ve just as easily seen them in Caitlyn’s car, all over each other...

Would that really have been so terrible? Everyone already knew; why continue to hide? Why couldn’t they just be honest with people? Hadn’t they earned that yet?

‘Either way, you should probably go,’ Caitlyn said solemnly. ‘He’ll start worrying.’

‘What if...’ She stopped herself. Studied Caitlyn’s face, her adoring gaze. Not a lick of doubt resided there. ‘What if we go back together? To mine.’

‘But—’

‘Caitlyn,’ Jinx gently interrupted her. ‘If we’re doing this, I think... I think people kinda need to know about it. Like, right now. Full exposure; all or nothing.’

Caitlyn’s pensive frown made Jinx second guess her entire existence.

‘Unless you’re ashamed of me, or something,’ she snickered, playing off the stabbing pain in her chest.

‘Ashamed of you?’ Caitlyn rebuked.

‘Well, yeah.’ She bit her lip, brain kicking into overdrive. ‘If it was up to you, everyone’d still be in the dark, right? It’s not like you wanted me to tell Vi – I mean, I didn’t want to either, it just came out. And, and sure, you’re glad you don’t have to keep it a secret anymore, but... But are you actually prepared to tell people we’re together? Fuck, what would you even introduce me as? Your girlfriend?’ She snickered; couldn’t say the word with a straight face. It seemed absurd. ‘Seriously? I’m so not girlfriend material – we’ve covered this!’

‘I don’t know...’ Caitlyn smiled, and planted a tender kiss on Jinx’s cheek. Rubbed their noses together. Gods, that felt so nice. ‘You can be whatever you want to be, but girlfriend feels...’ Far-fetched? Stupid? Like placing a bet on a losing dog? ‘Fitting.’

Oh. ‘But I can’t... I can’t be good for you, Cait. People will see that.’

‘Okay, what is this obsession about being good for me?’ Caitlyn laughed in disbelief. ‘And since bloody when did what other people think matter so much?’

‘Since always,’ she admitted.

‘Well, not to me.’ Caitlyn examined Jinx’s features closely, carefully. ‘I didn’t want to hurt Vi, and I’m sorry she’s struggling to accept things, but she will, in time... As for anyone else’s opinion on the subject?’ She shook her head. ‘Jinx, the only people’s feelings who matter in this equation are yours and mine. That’s it. You, and me.’

‘Promise?’

‘I promise,’ Caitlyn said. ‘If you’re sure you want me to go up there with you, I will.’

‘Ekko’s gonna be mad about it,’ she warned. ‘Maybe let me do the talking?’

‘Of course. Whatever you want, darling.’

Darling? Jinx had never been someone’s darling before... She liked how it sounded.

Sealing Caitlyn’s vow with a final kiss, they left the car. Two pathetic, darling urchins headed down the street and into Jericho’s, hand in hand.

Chapter Text

Jinx’s grip on Caitlyn’s hand tightened as they rounded the stairs and stepped out onto her floor. Nervous energy sluiced off of her in waves.

Did Jinx expect Ekko to react that badly? How did their relationship affect him, exactly?

Cradling the food from Jericho’s in one arm, soothing Jinx’s hand in the other, Caitlyn felt an odd sense of calm. Regardless of what happened once they entered that apartment, regardless of how Ekko took the news, she and Jinx would deal with it together.

Girlfriends... How the fuck did that happen?

It was all so spontaneous. Barely an hour ago, she was at the office, about to go home after yet another dreary day. And then Jinx messaged, and there was colour in her life for the first time in weeks. She’d sped to meet her – detective or not, she probably had a ticket coming her way. But she didn’t care; seeing Jinx again made it all worthwhile.

She ignored the shades of doubt in her periphery. If Jinx didn’t think it was too soon after her relapse, Caitlyn had to trust her, didn’t she? She had to respect Jinx’s autonomy.

She also had some research to do. If she wanted the relationship to work long-term, she’d have to get to grips with how Jinx’s mind worked – the real nature of her diagnoses, her triggers, coping techniques – anything and everything she could do to help keep Jinx on an even keel.

Perhaps Sevika could shine some light on things. Maybe even Ekko... if he could trust that Caitlyn genuinely cared.

As they approached the door to 240, she flinched. She’d last seen those brass digits in a haze of panic and dread, rushing to Jinx’s side, unsure what she’d find. The sights and sounds of that night assaulted her senses. It hadn’t occurred to her how it might feel returning to the scene.

She chewed on her bottom lip, frustrated with herself for not thinking of it sooner.

Wine. She needed wine. Or vodka, gin, tequila... Anything potent enough to squash the ache in her chest; channel her anguish inwards, just like her mother taught her.

‘Cait?’ Jinx felt faraway, despite their hands still entwined. ‘What’s wrong?’

It took a second for Caitlyn to pull herself out of her busy mind and switch focus. Doe-like blue eyes stared up at her, studying her every blink. The curiously cherubic expression on Jinx’s face barely masked the inner panic taking root.

‘Nothing,’ Caitlyn said softly, trying to protect Jinx’s feelings. ‘I’m fine, it’s just... Déjà vu.’

‘Huh?’

‘The last time I came here was, uh...’ She cleared her throat. ‘Eventful, let’s say.’

‘Oh.’ Shame flushed Jinx’s cheeks. ‘Fuck, I’m so stupid! Why would you want to come back here after—’ She shook her head, breaking off one sentence just to start another. ‘If you wanna go home, I totally get it. I don’t really wanna be here right now either, so, please, don’t feel like you’re obligated to stay just because I asked you t—’

Caitlyn put a stop to Jinx’s anxious rambling with a swift, delicate kiss, unsure of how else to reassure her.

‘—to,’ Jinx finished her thought. ‘Hmm...’ She hummed into Caitlyn’s mouth. Slowly licked her lips. ‘Does, um, that mean you’re staying?’

‘Of course, I’m staying,’ Caitlyn smiled, and kissed her again. ‘I’m here for you, darling.’

‘Yeah, but—’

‘No buts,’ she insisted, ‘I’m not going anywhere.’ Another kiss, and she nudged Jinx towards the front door. ‘Now, come on. Let’s do this.’

‘Right.’ Jinx let out an anxious puff of air. ‘This...’ She pecked Caitlyn’s cheek, took hold of the hot bag of food and whipped out her colourful set of keys. ‘Wait out here a sec. Better if I prep him first.’

Before Caitlyn could ask her to clarify, Jinx disappeared inside, leaving the door slightly ajar. Caitlyn inched closer and leant an ear, ready to eavesdrop.

‘I’m baaack!’ Jinx trilled, followed by a loud CLUNK – the bag on the countertop, presumably.

Muffled movement, footsteps, a yawn...

‘Was it busy in there?’ Ekko’s deeper voice didn’t carry as well as Jinx’s, but Caitlyn could still discern enough to make sense of it. ‘You were gone a while.’

‘Sorry, I, uh...’ The rattle in Jinx’s façade was palpable.

‘What’s wrong?’ Ekko asked, instantly on edge.

‘Can we talk?’ Jinx’s voice cracked. ‘It’s, you know, the whole Caitlyn thing…’

Ekko didn’t reply – intent on hearing Jinx out, Caitlyn hoped.

‘I, um… I saw her. Just now.’

‘What? Like, in Jericho’s, or...?’

‘Actually, in her car.’

‘Jinx.’ The exasperation at the back of Ekko’s throat raised Caitlyn’s hackles. ‘We talked about this. You’ve only just left the hospital—’

‘—wasn’t a hospital.’

‘Whatever. The point is, you’ve just come home.’

‘I know,’ Jinx groaned, already sounding tired of having to explain herself. ‘I know what you’re thinking, okay, but it isn’t too soon, I swear! We were texting, and—’

‘—texting? Seriously, Jinx? Tonight was supposed to be us hanging out, easing you back into things, keeping you away from triggers.’

‘I know! And I’m sorry, I just…’

Caitlyn lay her head against the doorframe and sighed, forlorn. Hearing Jinx distressed like that was almost too much to bear.

‘Laid up at the Doc’s, I couldn’t stop thinking about her,’ Jinx continued. ‘I needed to see her, so, I did...’

‘But why?’

‘Why d’you think?’ Jinx huffed, trying to regulate. ‘Can you please just accept that this is happening and not make it into a big deal?’

‘I’m sorry, but this is a big deal.’

The sound of footsteps suggested that Ekko might have stepped closer, trying to reason with her.

‘Come on, Jinx,’ he persisted. ‘Be for real. How’s this thing with Caitlyn gonna work? What, you’re never gonna speak to Vi again?’

‘Like we had such a great relationship before?’

‘That’s not the point,’ he said. ‘She’s your sister. She’s really torn up about this.’

‘Ugh, she’ll get over it!’ Jinx snapped. ‘Can you please stop worrying so much about Vi!? Guess what! I have feelings too! Big, messy feelings that I can’t keep ignoring for the sake of someone who hasn’t put me first since I was a fucking kid!’

Caitlyn gripped the door handle, ready to push it open and comfort her girl, but something in her gut made her hesitate.

What if interrupting them only made things worse?

‘Hey,’ Ekko said, somehow calm despite Jinx’s temper, ‘I’m not saying you should ignore how you feel. Not at all, it’s just...’ He took a long, measured breath. ‘Jinx, it’s your first night home, and you’ve already gone back on your word. I’m just saying, you need to be careful. You’re vulnerable right now; I don’t want you to get hurt.’

Caitlyn resisted the sudden urge to cry. Ekko’s intentions were so clear, so kind and caring. He saw Jinx in her entirety, and all he seemed concerned with was preserving that whole. No surprise, really. He and Jinx had been friends since they were kids; he’d seen her through years upon years of turmoil. How could he not have felt protective over her? How could he not have wanted Caitlyn to keep her distance? After all, he was friends with Vi, too. He’d witnessed the fallout of their divorce firsthand. Her being from Piltover – a Kiramman and an Enforcer, no less – didn’t help, either. He had no reason to think of her as anything other than bad news.

‘Caitlyn aside,’ he said, ‘now isn’t the time to start dating someone. Anyone. You know how attached you can get.’

Caitlyn clenched her jaw, holding her tongue. What did it matter if Jinx became attached to her? All relationships required some level of attachment to function; surely, Ekko knew that.

Oh, but this was Jinx...

Attachment took on a different meaning with her.

‘Sometimes, it’s like...’ Ekko paused, searching for the words. ‘Like, you get addicted to people; like they’re just another drug. You throw yourself headfirst into these relationships that’re doomed from the start, with people who’re toxic, or completely wrong for you, or both, and you don’t realise the mess you’re getting yourself into until it’s too late and things’re fucked, and then you bail and fall right back on all your bad habits, like you never stopped... I’m sorry, but this whole Caitlyn situation just feels like another part of that cycle. Can you honestly say it isn’t?’

Could she? Caitlyn didn’t feel so sure anymore.

Jinx’s immediate silence only fed that fear.

Had she made a mistake? She’d trusted Jinx’s judgement, but perhaps it was more skewed than she’d realised. Should she have stayed away, for the sake of Jinx’s recovery?

‘You’re not wrong.’ Jinx spoke quietly, though not for lack of conviction. Her words were sharp and rickety; any louder, and they might’ve been explosive. ‘But it’s not like that this time. Not with Caitlyn.’

‘Why would things with her be any different?’ Ekko asked. Well, demanded, more like. But it was a fair question. One that Caitlyn needed an answer to.

‘I don’t know, I...’ Jinx’s voice strained. ‘I’ve never... Ugh! I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you!’

‘You’re right,’ Ekko bit back. He sounded colder than ever. Completely detached. ‘Y’know what,’ he huffed, sucking his teeth, ‘I can’t do this right now. I’m out.’

Before Caitlyn could register what was happening, Ekko burst into the hallway. His walnut brown eyes squinted at her in disbelief. With a huff of disgust, he carried on towards the stairwell, barely breaking his stride.

‘Stay!’ She yelled.

He halted. Scowled back at her.

‘You’re hungry, right?’ She donned her best Kiramman smile. Social etiquette 101: be polite. Sometimes, unnervingly so. ‘There’s plenty of food. Why don’t we all eat together?’

‘Yeah...’ He grinned darkly, shoulders slumped, caving in on himself. ‘No thanks, Kiramman.’

Never had she heard her family name spoken with such venom.

He turned back, trying to slink away, but she wasn’t letting him leave just yet.

‘I’m not going anywhere, you know,’ she said. A warning, and a promise. ‘You don’t have to like me, but if you love Jinx as much as you seem to, you do have to accept that I’m a part of her life now. We’re together, Ekko... Understood?’

He cut her a look she couldn’t quite parse – a blend of alarm, disdain, and reluctant respect – and kept walking.

She watched on as he slipped away, into the stairwell. 

Entering the apartment in Ekko’s wake felt strange. Jinx, hovering awkwardly between the kitchen and lounge, met her with wide, glistening eyes.

Caitlyn closed the door and slumped onto the sofa, defeated. Lying back, she ran her hands through her hair. Pressed them against her face. Let out a sigh so heavy her body shook with it.

Slowly, Jinx crawled into her lap. A gift of warmth and weight. Comfort.

Jinx’s arms wrapped tightly around her neck and spine, while hot breath worried at her nape.

With a contemplative smile, she embraced Jinx’s whip cord frame.

They both felt it – Ekko’s absence, his rejection. A taste of things to come.

‘I thought he’d at least try to be civil,’ she lamented, fingers running up and down Jinx’s back in soothing strokes. ‘For your sake, if nothing else.’

‘Pfft, Zaunites don’t do civil. You oughta know that by now.’

‘He’s supposed to be your friend.’

‘He is. He just... needs time...’ There was a shiver in Jinx’s voice, like she was trying to convince herself. ‘He’ll come around, eventually. He’ll have to, right? They all will.’

That depended on who they were, didn’t it? If they in any way meant Vi...

‘They will,’ Caitlyn hoped, nuzzling her face into the crook of Jinx’s neck.

Jinx’s skin and the roots of her hair smelt like bubble-gum shampoo. Sweet, and addictive. Instinctively, Caitlyn kissed Jinx there.

At the touch of her lips, Jinx melted into her. She hadn’t realised how tense Jinx had been; how tightly they’d clung to each other.

‘What if... they don’t?’ Jinx asked meekly. ‘What if nobody accepts us?’

‘Then they don’t.’

‘You won’t... you won’t leave me?’

‘Leave you?’ Caitlyn almost laughed, but she knew there was nothing funny about the question. One wrong word or fault in her tone, and Jinx could’ve spiralled. ‘Jinx, I’d never leave you over something so trivial – please, know that.’

‘...trivial?’ Jinx’s tone seemed playful enough, but Caitlyn couldn’t trust it. Dangerous territory. ‘So, what? You’d leave me if peoples’ opinions mattered more to you?’

‘Jinx, you know that’s not what I meant.’

Why were they even talking about this?

It felt like a test; like Jinx just wanted an argument. Ekko had deprived her of one by walking out, leaving Caitlyn in the crosshairs.

‘Come on, tell me.’ Gripping the sofa either side of Caitlyn’s shoulders, Jinx boxed her in. ‘What would it take for you to leave me? Really, this time.’ She tilted her head, fixing her eyes in scrutiny. ‘No going back. No chance of reunion, weeks, or months down the line…’

‘Already want to get rid of me, do you?’ Caitlyn jested, concealing her discomfort.

‘I’m seriously asking.’ A fragile frown knit Jinx’s brows together. Her blue eyes seemed to tremble. No one had ever looked at Caitlyn with such intensity. Such vulnerability. ‘What would make you leave?’

Nothing, Caitlyn wanted to say. And she wanted to mean it. To be an idealist, a romantic. But that wasn’t her. It wasn’t life. Relationships ended every day – strong ones; the kind supposedly built to last.

‘...I don’t know...’

‘Tsk,’ Jinx rolled her eyes, ‘stellar imagination ya got there, detective.’

‘Jinx, please, find a new topic.’

‘Hmm...’ Jinx scrunched her nose and shook her head. ‘Nope! I like this one.’

‘No, you don’t.’

Jinx’s face fell blank.

‘I’m here for you, remember?’ Caitlyn’s hand gravitated to Jinx’s cheek. ‘All I want is to be here. When are you going to stop trying to push me away?’

‘I’m not, I... That’s not...’ With a groan of frustration directed solely at herself, Jinx’s head fell forwards with a light thud against Caitlyn’s chest. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I hate that I’m like this, I...’

‘I know,’ Caitlyn soothed. ‘It’s okay.’

‘I hate that Ekko got so mad.’

‘Me too.’

‘I hate that nobody’s okay with us being together.’

‘They will be,’ Caitlyn reassured. She almost believed it. ‘Give it time, like you said.’

Jinx whipped her head back up to eye level, scowling adorably. ‘How much time?’

‘Hmm...’ Caitlyn bobbed her head back and forth, pretending to do the mental maths. Her gaze flicked rapidly between Jinx’s dilated pupils and a pouting bottom lip that begged to be sucked. ‘Maybe we should try not to think about it.’

Jinx’s mouth twitched with a faint snicker, sulking no more. ‘You mean, like... distract ourselves?’ Her eyelids drooped with desire, and she leant in for a kiss.

‘We should eat...’ Caitlyn placed a finger against Jinx’s lips to stop her. ‘Before the food gets cold.’

‘Huh. Forgot about that.’

Jinx’s gaze lingered on Caitlyn’s mouth. She licked at Caitlyn’s finger. Coaxed it between her teeth.

Disarmed with ease, Caitlyn frowned, while Jinx giggled wickedly. That finger had been the only thing holding her back.

There was only so much teasing and seduction Caitlyn could reasonably resist. Jinx was pushing her limits.

A familiar rush of heat pricked her senses. Her eyes fluttered shut and her head rolled back. She whimpered, body sinking deep into the sofa cushion, hands sinking into the softness of Jinx’s hoodie.

The food would have to wait. If Jinx wanted to distract herself with sex, who was Caitlyn to refuse her?

But… no. It felt wrong.

Ekko’s words whacked her over the head: You get addicted to people, like they’re just another drug.

Caitlyn couldn’t allow Jinx to fall back on sex as a coping mechanism. She couldn’t be yet another enabler in Jinx’s life. She refused.

‘The food, Jinx,’ she softly reiterated. ‘I’m hungry. Let’s eat, okay?’

‘Ugh, fine,’ Jinx scoffed, but it felt affectionate. She sprang from the sofa and skipped into the kitchen. ‘Let’s eat!’

Cupboards slammed and crockery clanged, as Jinx fetched an assortment of plates and cutlery for them to use. With everything somehow hooked under one arm, she grabbed the Jericho’s bag with her free hand, and sauntered back towards the lounge area.

‘Need any help?’ Caitlyn asked, a little late to be of any real assistance.

‘Nah,’ Jinx waved her away, slipped her a wink. ‘You sit n’ look pretty. I got this.’

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn said, barely containing her blush at being called pretty.

Warmth pooled in her belly as she watched her lover unpack their feast, intended for three, onto the coffee table. She hadn’t realised that Jinx had ordered quite so much, nor could she imagine how they were ever going to eat it all...

There were several containers of varying size and material – plastic, polystyrene, foil – each with felt tip letters scrawled on top, alluding to what was inside. When they ordered, Jinx didn’t even look at a menu. Just marched up to the counter with a cheery grin, swapped some small talk with the burly old man on the other side, and reeled off a list from the top of her head.

‘Why must the names for all the dishes from this place be communicated in some sort of code?’ Shaking her head, Caitlyn picked up the tub closest to her. ‘Z.F.N...? Am I supposed to know what that means?’

‘What?’ Jinx frowned at her, like she’d just confessed to some cardinal sin. ‘You’ve never had Zaun Fried Noodles?’

‘...no?’

‘Seriously?’ Nonplussed, Jinx chomped down on some kind of puffy cracker the restaurant had given them for free. ‘Wait, so, is this your first Jericho’s?’

‘...yes?’

‘Huh, and yet, the lady called it slop,’ Jinx mumbled to herself, as she curled up on the floor, nestling in the gap between Caitlyn and the food. She peeled the lid off of a dish marked SK, and eagerly wafted it under Caitlyn’s nose. ‘Smells good, right?’

Caitlyn raised a brow, and took a long whiff. Admittedly, whatever it was smelt incredible.

‘What is it?’ She asked.

‘Hmm...’ Jinx licked her lips greedily. ‘Seasoned meat – probably chicken, but honestly, that’s up for debate. It gets impaled on a stick with a ton of veggies, charred to perfection, and smothered in a sauce that tastes so fucking good you’ll wonder how you’ve lived this long without trying it.’

‘Alright,’ Caitlyn chuckled, ‘you’ve convinced me.’

‘Try it with the noodles,’ Jinx implored. ‘Oh! And these!’

She grabbed one of the smaller dishes and prized off the lid to reveal six plump, juicy-looking dumplings, sitting on a bed of crispy seaweed. Undeniable hunger stirred in Caitlyn’s stomach.

Salivating, she dug in.

After all of the umami, grease-laden food that either of them could stomach, they sat quietly together, too full to move or talk much. For a while, Jinx stayed in her spot on the floor, resting against Caitlyn’s legs as they dangled from the sofa, picking every now and then at the leftovers.

Secretly, Caitlyn wondered how long it had been since Jinx had eaten a large meal like that. What kind of food had they given her at the psychiatric hospital?

Oh, wait. Not a hospital. Jinx had corrected Ekko on that earlier...

Well, if it wasn’t a hospital, what was it? Some sort of private treatment facility? And what kind of ongoing treatment was Jinx set to receive? What measures, if any, had been put in place to help prevent her from getting sick again? She’d return to therapy, surely, but what kind? How frequent would her sessions be? Did she need someone to take her?

They hadn’t spoken about that side of things yet, and Caitlyn didn’t want to force the subject. When Jinx felt ready to open up, she would. Caitlyn needed to stay patient until then. Or try to, at least.

‘...never going back...’ Jinx murmured, interrupting the flow of Caitlyn’s thoughts.

‘Hmm?’ She cocked her head downwards, looking to Jinx for an explanation.

‘Never going back to that place. Never.’ Jinx repeated the words like an affirmation. Like the more she said it, the more likely it was to come true.

‘What place?’ Caitlyn asked. Shit, the question had bypassed her brain.

Patience, she reminded herself.

Jinx glanced up at her, eyes glassy and wide. Her face softened at the gust of attention, and she turned away from the table altogether, focus completely on Caitlyn. Her clever eyes scanned Caitlyn’s for even the most subtle change in expression; the slightest sign of judgement.

All Caitlyn felt was adoration. She stroked a finger under Jinx’s chin, like she would a cat. Jinx purred, right on cue.

‘Where did your thoughts take you just now?’ Her words were almost a whisper. ‘What place?’

Still leaning into Caitlyn’s touch, Jinx looked down at her feet, shying away from eye contact.

‘The place you’ve been these past few weeks?’ Caitlyn gently pushed.

Jinx nodded.

‘What was it like?’

Jinx winced, but answered, ‘Clinical, funny smell, bright lights – typical psych ward stuff.’

‘Oh.’ Caitlyn refrained from commenting on the fact that she’d never visited a psych ward, and therefore had no frame of reference.

‘Probably sounds worse than it is,’ Jinx added. ‘After you’ve been a few times, ya kinda get used to it.’ She flashed Caitlyn a coy, half-grin. ‘Not that you should.’

‘How, um…’ Caitlyn almost didn’t ask her next question, but she was too curious not to. ‘How many times have you—’

‘Too many,’ Jinx shakily interjected, ‘and never again, like I said.’

Okay, enough of that.

Caitlyn paused a moment. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.’

‘No, it’s okay.’ Jinx gazed up at her with pleading eyes, as if she wanted the questions to continue. ‘You’re only asking ‘cause you care, right?’

Caitlyn melted. ‘Of course.’

‘Then I’ll tell you,’ Jinx said. ‘Whatever you want to know.’

‘You’re sure?’

Jinx rolled her eyes, ‘can you please stop asking me that?’

‘Alright,’ Caitlyn resolved. If Jinx wanted to talk, they would. No reason not to. ‘Tell me about it,’ she encouraged. ‘The place you went... I overheard what you said to Ekko earlier. It’s not a hospital, so... What is it?’

‘Heh, Doctor Scary’s...’ Ah, Jinx had mentioned a doctor of some kind to Ekko, too, hadn’t she? ‘Place is an old asylum, down in the sumps,’ she continued. ‘Closed years ago; privately reopened on Silco’s watch. Doubt he got council permission, though.’

She chuckled darkly at that, whilst Caitlyn tried to process it all.

Silco’s watch... So, Silco and his business facilitated whatever rogue, underground strain of medicine this so-called Doctor practiced?

Why? Since when?

‘Anyway, the Doc doesn’t just work there; he lives there,’ Jinx elaborated, unprompted this time. ‘Hardly ever leaves. Total hermit-type.’

‘Do you know his real name?’

‘Goes by Singed,’ Jinx said, ‘but that’s just an alias, and I like mine better, so...’

Singed? Why did that sound familiar?

‘He’s a psychiatrist, on top of a bunch of other crap. Chemistry, microbiology, neuroscience, fricking tree-surgery; you name it, he’s probably done it.’

Chemistry...?

‘When I first got sick – I mean, psychotic – Silco took me to him.’

Oh, for goodness sake, couldn’t Silco have at least hired a real doctor to treat his own bloody daughter? Would that have been so terribly difficult?

Rat-faced weasel of a man.

‘He said the Doc was the only person who could make me better.’ Recounting her past, Jinx almost sounded nostalgic, like a part of her wouldn’t have minded reliving it all. ‘Not sure he succeeded, but—’

She snickered and shook her head, like it was all just a joke to her. A coping mechanism.

‘First, he, uh... he assessed me.’ Growing agitated, Jinx’s fingers tapped against her knees. ‘Diagnosed me with all the best disorders. BPD, ADHD, PTSD. All those fun, little acronyms.’

To her shame, Caitlyn’s knowledge on each of the disorders was severely limited. She had plenty of research ahead of her, indeed. Jinx was more than worth that small effort.

‘Oh, Jinx...’

Caitlyn ached to hold her, to lather her with kisses and comfort. She reached out, but Jinx edged away.

‘Don’t.’ Jinx twisted into a human ball, arms wrapping around her legs. ‘I’ll be fine, just... don’t touch me right now.’

‘Oh... okay,’ Caitlyn replied faintly. ‘I’m sorry.’

With a weak smile, Jinx accepted the apology.

Bypassing the lump of rejection suddenly lodged in her throat, Caitlyn recalibrated. The reaffirming touches she now yearned for would have to come later. If she stood any hope of supporting Jinx, she first had to understand this part of her history. It felt vital.

‘Jinx, why—’

No, she sounded too irritated, too anxious. Paused to adjust her tone.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t get it...’ Much calmer. ‘Why Singed? Of all the people Silco could’ve paid, or gods, even blackmailed into taking you on as a patient back then... Why someone like him? And where was Vi in all of this?’

She knew that last question was stupid the second she said it, but she couldn’t take it back.

‘Vi was elsewhere, remember?’ Jinx bit back. ‘And Silco trusted him. Knew how much of a genius he was.’

‘A genius?’

A drug kingpin and a scientific genius... Quite the double act.

‘Yup.’

‘How did Silco know that?’ Caitlyn could feel herself shifting into detective mode. She didn’t want to interrogate her own girlfriend, but somehow, she couldn’t stop herself. ‘How do they know each other?’

‘They...’ Jinx shrank further into herself; further from Caitlyn’s reach. ‘They work together. Worked. Sevika deals with him, nowadays.’

Sevika? But— ‘Are you saying Singed is involved in Silco’s drug empire?’

‘Among other things.’

Caitlyn’s brain lit up with more questions. Connections...

The enforcers had spent the best part of a decade trying to pinpoint precisely how Zaun’s illegal drug racket had boomed to such inflated levels in such a short space of time. The simple argument of supply and demand, posited by the likes of Sheriff Marcus, didn’t make sense. Having popped onto the drugs scene around a decade ago, Shimmer and Fade were potently addictive, and everywhere.

They knew that Silco was at the helm of the operation, but beyond that, they had no idea. Anyone they sent undercover to find out more ended up dead, corrupt, or both. By the time Caitlyn took up the detective mantle, the investigation had been disbanded. Not worth the manpower, they claimed.

But every now and then, she’d wondered... What was it about those two substances in particular? What made them more alluring than the rest? Who cooked them up for the first time, and for what purpose?

The fact that Silco was in league with a scientist like Singed felt like too much of a coincidence to overlook. If he’d trusted the doctor enough to treat his beloved daughter’s troubled mind, he could’ve easily trusted him with a bunch of chemicals...

‘What did he do to you?’ Caitlyn asked with caution.

‘You really wanna know?’

‘I do.’

‘You won’t like it.’

‘No, can’t imagine I will,’ Caitlyn said. ‘But if you want to tell me, I’m here to listen.’

‘Right...’ Jinx bit her lip, eyes darting around the room. ‘I was, what, thirteen?’ True disdain peppered her voice, offset by a wayward giggle. ‘Just a kid. A fucking child.’

Oh, Jinx hated Singed. Caitlyn hadn’t seen it before, but there it was, laid bare. Beneath the jokes and the fanfare, she saw the evil there, and she hated it. Caitlyn felt the same. It gave her energy.

She didn’t know what to do with herself – how to sit still, how to act, how to be there for Jinx. But she had to keep listening. She had to let Jinx tell her story.

‘I was young, so, y’know, he had to be mindful of the dosage.’ The more Jinx spoke, the more detached she sounded. Dissociated from the distress of it all. ‘He embraced the challenge, of course... Created a new drug, ‘specially for me. Something shiny and new.’

What?

‘Fade.’ Jinx chuckled, hollow. ‘Get it? ‘Cause my symptoms would simply fade away...’

Wow. Oh, wow. But... ‘But why? Why make a drug like that? Just to prove he could...?’

‘Well, psychosis is caused by increased dopamine and serotonin, right?’ Jinx babbled on, too wrapped up in explaining things to notice Caitlyn’s growing anger. ‘So, Singed took Shimmer – a stimulant he made that also increases dopamine – and reverse-engineered it to do the opposite. And it worked, just, heh, a little too well... The psychosis stopped, but so did pretty much everything else. More like taking a tranquiliser than an antipsychotic... And what d’you do when you fall too far into a Fade hole? You take Shimmer, and fly right back to the top again.’

Ah. ‘Singed made you an addict,’ Caitlyn concluded. ‘They both did.’

‘Not on purpose, but... yeah.’

Consumed by her racing, raging mind, Caitlyn closed her eyes, careful to keep her breathing steady. All she wanted to do was track those bastards down and use them both for target practice.

She’d never felt so angry in all her life, but the men she needed to punish weren’t in the room with her, and rattling Jinx any further wouldn’t help anything. It was neither the time nor the place to accommodate her own feelings on the situation. She had to think of Jinx.

Okay. It was going to be okay. She was a Kiramman; she could weather this.

Her mind settled a little. She couldn’t change Jinx’s past, but she could be whatever Jinx needed in the present, and future. Lover, protector, fighter... Whatever Jinx needed...

A sigh led into a yawn. The conversation had distracted her from how tired she was. Post-meal drowsiness winning out, she gave up trying to stay vertical; gave in to the worn, welcoming embrace of Jinx’s sofa. The threadbare cushion she’d used to support her back now made the perfect pillow.

Below, alone on the floor, Jinx shivered.

‘Hey,’ Caitlyn said, reaching out an arm in invitation. ‘Lie with me. You’ll be warmer up here.’

‘...are you sure?’

‘Thought we weren’t going to ask each other that anymore?’

Still hesitant, Jinx crawled to her feet and fetched a blanket. Awkwardly wedged herself in between Caitlyn and the sofa cushions. She couldn’t have been comfortable; Caitlyn adjusted her position, making space for her lover’s lithe frame.

With their heads now sharing the same pillow, Jinx turned towards her. Slowly, Caitlyn traced the outline of Jinx’s face, from her temples to the tip of her chin, and back.

‘D’you think less of me now?’ Jinx buried her face into the pillow, like she didn’t want to be heard or seen, or perceived at all.

‘Never,’ Caitlyn vowed. ‘I could never...’

She thought a fuck of a lot less of Silco, Singed was right up there as enemy number one, and she didn’t really trust Sevika’s role in all of this, but Jinx?

She could never think less of Jinx.

‘I’m gonna fuck this up,’ Jinx stated, like it was an indisputable fact. It wasn’t. ‘I’m so fucking broken, Cait...’

‘Don’t talk like that.’ She found Jinx’s hands under the blanket and held them tight.

‘It’s true,’ Jinx sniffled. ‘I fuck up everything I touch, it’s inevitable.’

‘Stop it,’ she demanded. ‘You’re not going to fuck it up with me. I won’t let you.’

‘You won’t be able to stop me,’ Jinx said. ‘You didn’t before.’

‘That was before,’ she insisted, surprising herself by the fortitude in her voice. ‘I’m here now, aren’t I? You didn’t fuck it up, Jinx. You never did.’

‘That a challenge?’ A glint of Jinx’s customary cheekiness poked through in a fleeting grin.

As it fell from her face, Caitlyn wished she could pick it up and pin it back on.

‘Seriously, Cait, I... I promised myself I’d never wind up back at the Doc’s, but there’s always gonna be a part of me that might wake up one day and just—’

Jinx scrunched up her hands and face, mimicking an explosion, sound effects and everything.

Caitlyn watched on, struggling for the right words to say. None came.

‘I just want you to know what you’ve signed up for.’ Jinx cocooned back under the blanket. ‘There’s no magical fix here. No wonder drug to come along and un-break my brain.’

‘You’re not broken, Jinx.’ There. She could at least say that.

‘Yeah, I am.’

'I...’ Caitlyn despaired. ‘What about your medication? The proper stuff, I mean. Won’t that help, now that you’re back on it?’

‘Meds aren’t perfect, Cait,’ Jinx said. ‘The new ‘script I’m on right now isn’t even meant to be taken for longer than a few weeks or months at a time. Nasty side effects.’

‘Oh,’ Caitlyn frowned, ‘I see.’

‘Once it’s run out, I’ll pretty much have to skate by on super strength antidepressants and therapy, and hope the crows don’t come back. That’s what I usually end up doing, anyway.’

‘...crows?’

‘My, uh... heh...’ Jinx laughed nervously. ‘My psychosis... one of the ways it manifests is in crows,’ she explained. ‘They... they speak to me... as other people, usually... Heimy, my shrink, he says it’s a trauma response. I lost Vi, so my brain gave me crows, instead. Fuck knows.’

‘Maybe...’ Caitlyn didn’t want to make a stupid, out-of-pocket suggestion, but she couldn’t sit there speechless, either. ‘Maybe if we could pinpoint your triggers, we could—’

‘Yeah, funny thing, triggers,’ Jinx said. ‘Knowing what they are doesn’t stop them going off. Kinda like a loaded gun, y’know.’

Caitlyn nodded; at the very least, she understood firearms.

To know that Jinx had spent so long, trapped in this endless cycle of psychosis and rehabilitation, fractured something in Caitlyn’s world view. Something she hadn’t been conscious of until it snapped and fell away. An illusion of safety, perhaps. Of fairness. The lie fed to her since she was a child, that told her everyone in society would be looked after, that everything would be okay.

The way Singed had treated Jinx was indescribably, monstrously wrong. And how many others like her were out there, roaming Zaun’s streets, looking to score their next fix; sold a lie about how they could get better, when what they really needed was proper psychiatric help?

‘Besides, I already know my big ol’ triggers, silly!’ Jinx burst into a magnetic grin, as she graced Caitlyn’s shins with a playful kick, mood apparently lightened. Must’ve helped, getting all of that off her chest. ‘Kinda what therapy’s for – unpacking shit like that.’

‘I suppose...’ Caitlyn grew flushed, painfully aware of her ignorance on the topic. ‘I’ve... I’ve never been.’

Why was that so embarrassing to admit?

‘Why not?’ Jinx snorted. ‘You sure as shit can afford it.’

‘I don’t know,’ she said, as if she’d never considered going before. But she had. A lot. Something stopped her, every time. Her mother’s voice in her head, whispering judgment... ‘I suppose I’ve always talked myself out of it. Buried my head in the sand.’

‘How come?’ With a small yawn, Jinx nestled in closer.

‘I don’t know.’ A yawn of her own broke free. Sleep was definitely preferable to where the conversation was now leading. ‘Gods, I’m tired...’

‘Yeah, me too,’ Jinx sighed, and rested a delicate hand on Caitlyn’s hip, clinging on. ‘You’ll... you’ll still be here when I wake up, right?’

‘Of course.’ With a drowsy smile, her eyes flickered shut. ‘There’s nowhere I’d rather be, darling.’

Caitlyn woke to a light draught against her chest; the soft, little puffs of Jinx’s breath. Jinx had fallen asleep in her arms, face snuggled into the crook of her shoulder, limbs entwined beneath the blanket they shared. It was warm under there, almost too warm, but Caitlyn didn’t care.

Grey-blue light streamed in through the bay window at the heart of the apartment. The sounds of the city whistled in, a cacophony of rain and wind and endless traffic.

She tried to block it out. Stared up at the ceiling’s industrial timber, covered in cobwebs.

An off-putting smell crept up on her – the leftover food that should’ve been put in the fridge.

She swallowed. Grimaced at the dry tang at the back of her throat. Increasingly restless, she moved her legs. Met with a sharp, stabbing pain at the base of her spine.

Gods, she needed to get up...

She peered down at Jinx: mid-slumber, mouth slightly open, eyelids flickering in the midst of a dream. Smiling to herself, she swiped a tender thumb over Jinx’s pale cheek. Admired the cluster of freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose. She wanted to kiss every mark on Jinx’s body. Every blemish and scar and bruise.

Disrupting Jinx’s rest was the last thing Caitlyn wanted to do, but she was too awake. Too uncomfortable. She couldn’t lie there a second longer.

As gently as possible, she shifted onto her side, depriving Jinx of her human pillow. Jinx grumbled at the disturbance.

‘Shh,’ Caitlyn hushed, settling them both into a much cosier position. ‘Sorry, sweetheart... go back to sleep.’

Their bodies curled towards each other; limbs still entangled. Caitlyn’s back blocked out the rest of the apartment. She liked it that way. Nothing could hurt Jinx while she held her close like that. Her love was safe.

Safe, that was, until she had to go to work, or return home...

What would happen when Jinx was left alone again?

After all that Jinx had confided in her, Caitlyn couldn’t bear the thought of parting.

‘Hey...’ The rasp of Jinx’s voice put pause to Caitlyn’s fretting. Her eyes squinted open, as she yawned out a sentence that sounded like, ‘What time is it?’

‘Early,’ Caitlyn guessed. ‘I think we slept all night.’

‘Whoops...’

‘Must’ve needed it.’ With a soft snicker, she lay a kiss on Jinx’s forehead. ‘We didn’t even make it to the bed.’

‘Mmmmm,’ Jinx hummed, nuzzling deeper into Caitlyn’s embrace. ‘Poor little Piltie princess had to slum it on the couch, huh?’

Caitlyn smirked at Jinx’s joking tone; leant into the act with a faux frown. ‘Now, now, you know that’s not what I— Ooft!’

The sudden pressure of Jinx’s knee in her groin threw her blissfully off kilter.

Fuck, it had been so long since Jinx had touched her like that...

‘How can I ever make it up to you?’ Jinx teased further, laying tiny kisses on Caitlyn’s neck, nibbling on her earlobe. And all the while, moving that knee of hers in firm, rhythmic strokes.

Caitlyn’s clitoris sprung to life, letting out tiny shocks of pent-up energy. With every grind of Jinx’s knee, the feeling intensified. She groaned, low and heady, hips slipping into the languid pace Jinx had set.

‘I missed you,’ Caitlyn whimpered. ‘Gods, I really fucking missed you, Jinx.’

‘I missed you, too.’

Finding each other’s eyes, they giggled like a couple of impulsive teenagers. Kissed each other with equal fervour.

Locked in a dance of tongues and limbs, Caitlyn hardly noticed Jinx’s hand slip between her legs, replacing the knee. Rubbing herself against Jinx’s palm felt even better, but it wasn’t enough. She needed to be touched properly, skin to skin.

A welcomed hand slipped beneath the waistband of Caitlyn’s trousers. Jinx arched her brow, silently asking if she could go further.

Caitlyn didn’t need to reply; her relaxed and willing body spoke for her. Her hips rose, an invite for everything Jinx had to give. With a feral grin, Jinx yanked Caitlyn’s trousers down, past her hips and arse, leaving them bunched up around her ankles. Groping the flesh of Caitlyn’s upper thighs, it didn’t take long for Jinx to venture deeper, putting those skilled fingers of hers to work.

Fuck, Caitlyn had ached for this. She needed to be filled and stretched and consumed and—

BZZ, BZZ, BZZ...

Jinx froze; Caitlyn’s slack body instantly seized up.

‘What was that?’ She obtusely asked.

It was clearly a phone. Clearly Jinx’s phone, in fact; Caitlyn’s was in her handbag, tucked away. These vibrations felt close.

Jinx twitched, like she was waiting for it to—

BZZZ, BZZZ, BZZZ...

‘Argh, for fuck—!’ Jinx darted upwards with the swift reflexes of a skittish street cat.

Panting and pink in the cheeks, she knelt, straddled between Caitlyn’s legs and the sofa cushion; eyes scanning the nearby area in search of her phone.

BZZZZ, BZZZZ, BZZZZ...

‘Okay, we get the fucking picture!’ Jinx tossed the blanket and cushions they’d shared onto the floor. ‘Where are you!?’

As the buzzing continued and Jinx’s search grew more frantic, Caitlyn ran a steady hand along the sofa’s spine. The vibrations felt strongest there. She peered into the crack down the side, and there it was. Must’ve fallen out of Jinx’s pocket overnight.

‘Here...’ As Caitlyn prized the phone out of the crevice it had slipped into, she spotted the caller ID. ‘Ogre?’ She frowned. ‘Bit soon to check in on you, isn’t it?’

‘Ugh, I forgot.’

‘Forgot what? Why’s she calling?’

In lieu of an answer, Jinx snatched the phone from Caitlyn’s grasp.

‘Bone-jour!’ She hollered down the receiver with an obnoxious, pan-Runeterran twang.

It was the most ridiculous accent Caitlyn had ever heard. She adored it. But Jinx had sidestepped the reason for Sevika’s call. Caitlyn couldn’t overlook that. Jinx was hiding something, and no amount of charm could—

‘And what can I be doin’ ya for on this fine morn, ma’am?’

Good question. One, it seemed, Jinx was acutely aware of the answer to.

‘Jinx, you little—!’ Sevika’s tinny voice cursed through the receiver.

A treacherous chuckle bubbled up in Caitlyn’s throat. She clutched her hands over her mouth to stop it; she was supposed to be annoyed, not amused, for Gods’ sake.

‘Mad-mwahzelle Jinx can’t come to the phone right now!’ Jinx yammered on with glee, eyes on Caitlyn’s, glistening as she spoke.

This was Jinx in her element: silly voices and skits for the thrill of it, playing pranks on people, winding them up. She was so beautiful... She shone.

‘Try again on the 32nd of Nev-uary. Goodbye!’

Jinx hung up with a devious, delicious cackle, eyes wild and lips wet.

Caitlyn gravitated to her. Grabbed hold of Jinx’s t-shirt and tugged hard.

Jinx crashed back down on top of her, straight into an intense, breathy kiss. Sloppier than usual. Impatient.

Well, if Sevika hadn’t interrupted them with that phone call, Caitlyn would’ve been well on the way to an orgasm by now...

Chasing that rush, she took hold of Jinx’s hand and guided it back to where she needed it most. Jinx moaned, delighting in Caitlyn steering her. She always seemed to relish being told what to do during sex. Anything to please.

Over the song of their heady moans came a faint, persistent hammering from somewhere outside.

No, no, not hammering. Footsteps.

A heavy, forceful stride cut down the corridor and stopped with a thud, right on the other side of the apartment’s front door.

Shit.

‘Jinx, I think there’s—’

A key turned in the lock, and the door flung open.

‘—someone here,’ she whispered, hiding her face behind her hands, mortified.

At least the back of the sofa kept them hidden. Mostly.

‘Alright, enough playing around.’ Sevika’s unmistakable voice boomed across the apartment. ‘I know you’re here. I see feet.’

‘Shit,’ Jinx spoke under her breath, so only Caitlyn could hear. ‘I thought we’d have more time before—’

‘Before what?’ Caitlyn hissed through barely parted lips. ‘Why didn’t you tell me she was coming over? That’s why she called, isn’t it?’

Jinx closed her eyes and sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Cait, I—’

‘Two sets of feet,’ Sevika followed up. ‘And whispers. Do you think I’m deaf?’

A furious, frustrated howl ripped from Jinx’s throat, morphing into an all-out screech as she bolted upright, revealing herself.

‘Sevika!’ Jinx shrieked, disconcertingly chipper. ‘Ever heard of knocking, or, I don’t know, waiting downstairs!?’

‘I called,’ Sevika reminded her. ‘I warned you, kid. No more playing around. It’s nearly eight—’ So, definitely later than they’d realised. ‘—Time to get your ass together and come with me.’

Jinx, go with Sevika? Where? Why?

‘And send your Piltie friend home, too, before anyone sees you together,’ Sevika added.

What!? She couldn’t just dictate something like that! Why did it matter if people saw them together? Caitlyn and Jinx had already discussed this. They didn’t care if anyone else found out about them; all the most important people already knew.

Oh, but Silco hadn’t gotten the message yet, had he?

‘Nah,’ Jinx replied, glacier-cool. ‘Cait sticks with me.’

‘Jinx, you know what she’s implying, don’t you?’

Caitlyn hadn’t intended to speak, but it was imperative that Jinx understood the gravity of the situation. With her voice now part of the conversation, she stood. Held her eyes to the floor as she awkwardly pulled her trousers up.

The intimacy they’d shared on the sofa felt like a distant memory.

She crossed her arms, detaching herself further. Paced back a little, closer to the coffee table.

‘Look,’ she continued, ‘if Silco finds out about us from neighbourhood gossip like that, he could—’

‘I know.’ Jinx cut her the broadest, toothiest, truest grin. ‘Trust me.’ And right back to Sevika, sharp and menacing: ‘You should trust me, too. On this, at least.’

‘Tsk...’ Sevika’s scepticism was palpable, even from afar. She regarded them both with extreme caution, like they were wired with explosives and could’ve blown at any moment.

Caitlyn took the opportunity to size Sevika up. Far beyond caring for Jinx, this woman had been a pain in Enforcers’ arses for decades, yet Caitlyn had never seen her in person. Sevika operated in the shadows, allowing only her goons to risk the dangers of the spotlight. Silco had trained his successor meticulously. Though not in the art of Jinx, it seemed.

Moreover, and to nobody’s surprise, Jinx had neglected to mention how handsome Sevika was. That face, those muscles subtly rippling beneath her clothes... The woman was built like a fortress, tall and sturdy, seemingly impenetrable. Yet there was something soft in her eyes, a distinct charm in the way she smiled, the way she carried herself. An underlying sense of integrity, perhaps?

Though that hardly married with what she chose to do for a living. Working for Silco, liaising with the likes of Singed... No, there was nothing more to her than glibness, was there?

‘Seriously.’ Jinx switched her gaze between both of them. A resolute expression dawned on her face. ‘Don’t sweat about Silco. I’ll talk to him. Explain things.’

‘Oh, you’ll explain?’ Sevika chided. ‘And you think he has reason to listen? You’ve abandoned him.’

Jinx winced. Sevika may as well have stabbed her in the gut.

‘She abandoned him?’ Caitlyn fired back, letting loose her arms as she let loose her sudden, righteous rage. ‘In what mad world could you possibly claim that she abandoned him?’

‘Stay out of this, Kiramman,’ Sevika scoffed, lips skewed in a nasty smirk.

‘Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t—!’

‘Cait.’ Jinx shook her head, just the once; just enough to get the message across.

At Jinx’s hushed request, Caitlyn reluctantly backed down. Fixed Sevika with a potent glare as she crossed her arms once more.

A tense silence passed.

With a gruff snicker, Sevika removed a thickly rolled cigarette and silver lighter from the breast pocket of her jacket. The lighter had the trademark engravings of an antique, polished to look brand-new. Sevika had taken great care to keep it in mint condition.

Whose was it, before it became hers? Her father’s, perhaps? Or Silco’s...?

She placed the cigarette between her lips, flicked the shiny lighter open, and ignited its bright, blue flame. Frowning in thought, she took her first drag. Small plumes of smoke swirled upwards, drifting into the space between them. She stepped into it, parting the clouds, narrowing the divide.

‘So, you two’re serious now,’ Sevika stated, as though announcing an unfortunate, inescapable fact. She focused on Caitlyn, specifically. ‘You know what you’re letting yourself in for?’

‘I do.’ She knew more than she’d bargained for, in fact.

‘Jinx,’ Sevika eyed her ward, ‘does she?’

‘…mostly,’ Jinx mumbled, a far cry from the confidence she’d displayed moments before.

‘What do you mean, mostly?’ Caitlyn’s urgent tone revealed a vulnerability she would have rather kept guarded.

What else could there have possibly been? What other revelations laid in store?

‘Means you don’t know shit, Enforcer,’ Sevika spat, pleased with herself.

‘Oh really?’ Caitlyn rose to the insult, meeting it with equal disdain. ‘Care to enlighten me? At the precinct, perhaps? I’m sure plenty of my colleagues would be delighted to see you.’

‘I’m sure they would.’ Sevika snickered as she played with her lighter, flicking it open and closed.

‘Do I detect a lick of fear lurking behind all that arrogance?’ Caitlyn pressed.

‘That would be her cologne,’ Jinx interjected. Flashed Caitlyn a tight grin. ‘Not to kill the awesome vibe between you guys, but, um, Sevika and I actually have somewhere to be, so…’

‘Oh.’ What little remained of Caitlyn’s composure crumbled like wet cake. She almost cried. ‘Where’re you going? Maybe I could take you instead?’

She didn’t want to impose, she really didn’t, but the thought of Jinx spending any longer in that awful woman’s company had Caitlyn close to spiralling.

‘You could, maybe,’ Jinx glanced at Sevika, then back to Caitlyn, forlorn. ‘Some other time, I guess.’

‘Why not now? Where’re you going?’ Caitlyn cast a wary eye upon Sevika. ‘If she’s involving you in something illegal, I—’

‘Relax,’ Jinx implored. ‘She’s taking me to therapy, okay?’

‘Therapy?’

Relief. Confusion, but mostly relief.

Puffing on her cigarette, Sevika sighed. ‘I’ll wait in the car.’ She sloped off, back out the way she came. ‘You’ve got five minutes.’

The warning felt kinder than it should have, no edge or grit to Sevika’s voice. Caitlyn smiled to herself; Sevika may have been a bloodhound, but that woman cared about Jinx far more than she’d ever admit. Less ogre, more overseer, perhaps.

The door shut, and it was just the two of them once more.

Before Caitlyn could adjust, Jinx pounced on her in an all-consuming hug.

‘Wha—?’

Jinx answered by tightening her hold, and Caitlyn understood implicitly. Neither of them wanted to be apart again so soon.

But it was unavoidable, wasn’t it? They had separate lives, separate commitments. Despite how much it hurt, that degree of separation was a good thing. Any couple worthy of the title had to be capable of functioning apart, as well as together. Jinx had to go to therapy and stay consistent with her recovery, just as Caitlyn had to maintain focus on her career, friendships, and mundane, adult responsibilities. Such was life; such was reality. They couldn’t afford to forget that.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jinx mumbled. ‘I should’ve told you about this last night, but I... Gah, the thought of seeing the Ogre twice a fucking week...’

‘Twice a week?’

‘Uh huh,’ Jinx nodded into Caitlyn’s shoulder, taking refuge there. ‘Gotta see Heimy at least that much for the foreseeable, and she’s my ride, making sure I stick at it.’

‘Of course,’ Caitlyn stroked the back of Jinx’s head. ‘Of course, she is.’

‘I’m so fucking sorry,’ Jinx stressed. ‘We were having such a great morning and now it’s completely fucked. See? I ruin everything!’

‘Shh, shh, nothing’s ruined, Jinx, don’t worry,’ Caitlyn soothed, dabbing light kisses to the top of Jinx’s head. ‘Therapy has to come first; you have to take care of yourself, sweetheart... I should probably show my face at the precinct, anyway. We’ll catch up later, okay?’

‘Really?’ Jinx sounded surprised, but fond of the idea. ‘Not gonna get sick of me, are you?’

‘Of course not,’ Caitlyn assured. ‘I can come back tonight if you want. After my shift?’

‘Back here?’ Jinx pulled away with a grimace. ‘Can we maybe hang at your place, instead? It’s totally cool if not, it’s just—’

‘I’ll pick you up around seven, then?’

Jinx nodded, ‘Please.’

‘Deal.’

With a heartfelt grin, Jinx raised her little finger, a prompt for Caitlyn to do the same. ‘Pinkie promise?’

Caitlyn hadn’t taken such an oath since her playground days, but its childhood roots didn’t make the gesture feel any less important. Evidently, it mattered to Jinx. That was all that counted.

‘Pinkie promise,’ she said, and linked their fingers together, sealing her words in place.

Deal settled, Jinx giggled and pecked Caitlyn’s cheek.

‘Okay, I gotta motor!’ Jinx pulled away from Caitlyn entirely as she searched for something to wear. ‘You good to see yourself out?’

‘Sure,’ Caitlyn said. ‘See you later.’

‘Later!’

That last kiss, however brief, lingered on Caitlyn’s skin. She cherished the feeling of it as she made her way out of the building and down the street.

As she approached her car, she spied Sevika across the way. Fresh cigarette between her fingers, she leant against what must’ve been her own car’s bonnet. A classic family hatchback: not exactly the type of vehicle associated with seasoned drug dealers. The woman liked to lie low, huh?

Caitlyn had half a mind to walk over and pick up the fight from where they’d left off upstairs. Maybe with her badge on display this time, just to remind Sevika who she was talking to. It wouldn’t take long to whip it out of her glove compartment before strolling over there. Could even take her regulation pistol with her – really send the message home.

But Jinx showed up surprisingly quickly, and the impulse died before Caitlyn had time to act on it.

Sparing a wave and a parting grin, Jinx hopped into the hatchback’s passenger seat. Sevika flicked her half-spent cigarette into the road; intentionally towards Caitlyn, if the accompanying glare was any indication.

Caitlyn sucked her teeth into a gracious smile, and waved them both goodbye like nothing was the matter. She refused to rise to Sevika’s disrespect.

The Ogre nickname admittedly made sense now.

Settling into the driver’s seat, Caitlyn bristled, raking over their interaction.

You don’t know shit, Enforcer.

What did Sevika mean by that? Why did she ask if Caitlyn knew what she was letting herself in for? Why did Jinx reply with such little confidence? What were the two of them hiding?

The buzz of an incoming text threw her back to the present – to the car keys clenched in her palm, jagged metal digging into her flesh. In a beat, she let them fall into her lap. Rubbed at the indents left on her skin. They stung, but they’d fade. Hadn’t drawn blood, at least.

A second text came through, coaxing her to look at her phone before driving off.

The first, from Jinx, almost made her forget the pain pulsing through her hand.

later gator. can’t wiat xxx

Those four little words and the accompanying kisses had Caitlyn grinning stupidly, adorable typo and all...

Okay, she needed to ask Jinx about what Sevika had alluded to, but in the meantime, they were still a couple, and Jinx was still incredibly cute. It was almost impossible to feel anything but love for that girl.

After a couple of minutes of intense gazing at her phone screen, she tore herself away from Jinx’s message and opened the other.

Jayce:

Hey, C, it’s been a minute. Catch up sometime, this week or next? Dinner at ours? Let me know.

Hmm, interesting. Jayce rarely initiated plans like that... He’d either heard the news of Caitlyn’s relationship with Jinx, and therefore was plotting to insert his unwanted opinion on the subject, or he genuinely missed her company. They’d been best friends since school and loved each other as dearly as siblings, yet somehow the latter option seemed profoundly unlikely.

She turned the key in the ignition and started the journey across Zaun, towards the precinct. Going through the motions of driving, all she could think about was Jayce’s text.

He knew. The more she thought about it, the more certain she felt. Vi had probably told him, like she’d told Ekko. He definitely knew.

And if he didn’t, well, it was about time for him to find out. Time for everyone to know, on her side as well as Jinx’s.

It was silly that she’d waited so long to address it, really. She’d wanted to postpone all the judgement and questions, but what for? Why delay it any longer?

There weren’t even that many people she needed to tell. Just Jayce, Viktor, and Mel. Three people, that was all. No one else warranted a conversation about it. Well, maybe her father, but if she took the time to tell him, she’d have to deal with her mother, and that was just... No.

Explaining it all to her parents would have to come later. Much, much later...

As for right now, she needed a plan of action.

What was the best way to speak with Jayce, Viktor and Mel about it? Preferably all at once; she didn’t want to have to keep repeating herself. She needed them all in the same room at the same time, drinks flowing, positive atmosphere...

Ah, Jayce had mentioned something about dinner! What if she invited them all over to her place? She could cook and butter them up, get them all tipsy and open-minded... Maybe she could even invite Jinx, too? Though not with Mel in the mix. 

If memory served, Jayce and Viktor had both met her in brief and slightly hostile encounters. A friendly dinner party might’ve been the perfect way for them to meet Jinx properly. They could get to know her, maybe even grow to like her... The mere idea of it warmed Caitlyn’s heart.

The second she got to work, she replied to Jayce’s text:

Actually, what about dinner at mine this Saturday, you and Vik?

Jayce responded sometime around lunch:

Oh? Planning a little soiree, are we?

She answered coyly:

Something like that.

Chapter Text

Sevika drove in silence, save for the occasional flick of her lighter, igniting yet another in an endless chain of cigarettes. The tension in that car was unbearable. Thank fuck Jinx had brought her headphones to escape into. Gritty industrial rock flooded her brain while she zoned out, watching the streets of Zaun whiz on by.

What a wild twenty-four hours.

She didn’t know what to make of it all; so much had happened, so quickly. Her gut dissolved into a sickening soup of all the best and worst emotions – excitement and anxiety and love and doubt and joy and crippling, numbing terror – all squished up and blended together.

With a bit of luck, Heimy would help her pick it all apart and understand what she actually felt because, fuck, it was a shit ton. Her newfound relationship with Caitlyn was just one part of it. The best part, but still.

She’d alienated her sister, past all hope of reconciliation. She’d fallen out with Ekko, her best friend, at a time when they were finally getting close again. Losing him felt almost as bad as losing Vi. Caitlyn said he’d come around, but she didn’t know Ekko the way Jinx did. That boy could be stubborn as all hell when he wanted to be, and he had good reason in this case.

Still, Jinx had known that her relationship with Caitlyn would go down badly with both of them. As much as it pained her, she’d seen it coming, which made it easier to accept. When it came to Ekko and Vi, she was simply facing the consequences of her actions. Nothing she hadn’t squared up to before.

But what Sevika said to her? That made her stomach hurt.

That word, abandoned, it was so—

Okay, new thought strain!

Caitlyn.

Caitlyn, Caitlyn, Caitlyn...

Jinx chewed her pen, observing her masterpiece: a huge shark, spanning across six, separate baby-blue post-it notes, baring several rows of sharp teeth. Halfway through her first session back with Heimy, and this was all she’d accomplished.

Silco on the brain, huh? Shut up, brain.

Heimy didn’t seem to mind. Just sat sipping his milky coffee, reading one of his hoity-toity psych books. Patient little dork. Gah, she’d really missed him.

‘Think this bad boy’s finished!’ With an off-kilter smile, she proudly peeled each little post-it off of Heimy’s desk and arranged them on the wall, pride of place, right over Heimy’s fuzzy little head.

‘My, my, Jinx!’ He gave a short, sharp clap of applause. ‘Brilliant work. Fantastic!’

‘Heh...’ Jinx blushed as she returned to the armchair that she’d been lounging in. She didn’t like to admit it, but his approval made her giddy. ‘Thanks, Doc.’

‘Always so full of ideas and creativity,’ he added fondly.

Jinx giggled, ‘some things never change, I guess.’

‘I don’t know,’ he remarked. ‘There’s definitely something different about you. You seem… lighter, somehow.’

‘Lighter?’ She frowned. Pulled the squishy cushion out from behind her back and squeezed it tight to her torso. ‘Didn’t really eat for a while, if that’s what you mean.’

‘Not at all,’ he grumbled. ‘I meant spiritually. Lighter of the soul.’

‘The soul? Aren’t you supposed to be a scientist?’

‘Come now, Jinx,’ he chuckled. ‘The two fields aren’t mutually exclusive: a man can be scientific and spiritual in tandem. In fact, when one dedicates their life to studying psychology and the human condition – our minds, what makes us, us; what dictates how we move through this world – such duality becomes something of a prerequisite.’

‘Pfft,’ she scoffed. ‘There’s nothing spiritual about the human condition, dude. Our brains control everything. Just a bunch of chemicals and grey matter. Electrified flesh.’

‘Alright, forget about spirituality for a moment,’ he said. ‘You don’t believe there’s anything more complex driving us, beneath the grey?’

‘Never said it wasn’t complex.’ Jinx’s grip around the cushion in her lap tightened. She hated conversations like these. ‘Our brains’re the most complicated computers on the planet. I mean, just look at mine.’

With a small, pensive smile, Heimy sipped on his coffee. Examined the notes he’d made so far. Glanced back at her with probing eyes. ‘And you would attribute this complexity purely to the... the physical, the biological?’

‘Ultimately, yeah.’

He eyed her like he needed to hear more of an explanation.

Ugh.

‘It’s like...’ What was it like, even? ‘Like... Okay, not purely biological. I’m not, like, saying that everything boils down to biology. There’re other factors, obviously, I just... Okay, trauma? Very fucking real, very fucking influential to a person’s psyche. Spiritual crap, gods and stuff? Wayyy more debatable.’

Heimy didn’t reply straight away. Busy making notes, analysing whatever she had just said, or neglected to say. One thing she had not missed about these sessions: all the gods damned note-taking. Mostly because she really wanted to read them.

Whatever. Her little ramble didn’t make a lick of sense, so maybe his notes didn’t, either.

‘Most intriguing,’ he finally mumbled.

‘If ya say so,’ she shrugged, though she was admittedly curious to pry deeper; get to know the ol’ fuzzball better. Delay her own inevitable excavation. ‘Gotta say, never took you for a soul guy. D’you really go in for all that crap, or was it just some schtick to get me yapping in my first session back?’

‘You’ll talk when you want to, Jinx,’ he affirmed. ‘There’s no schtick to be had; I know better than that… And yes, I, uh... I find it quite heartening, the belief that we are more than the bodies we occupy. More than electrified flesh.’

‘Huh…’ Jinx cocked a brow and nibbled the inside of her mouth, unsure of how to continue the conversation without offending him. She couldn’t have agreed less.

‘Ah,’ Heimy gave a knowing hum. ‘I apologise; you didn’t come here to ponder philosophy… Let’s get back on track, shall we? This is your first session with me in a while. What would you like to talk about?’

‘Heh,’ she smiled, suddenly nervous. ‘I dunno.’

He levelled her with a quizzical brow, pen at the ready. ‘What was the inspiration for the shark?’

Sneaky question.

Did she really want to open up? She didn’t feel like it, but, well… What the fuck else was therapy for? Why’d she gone back and promised herself she’d stick it out this time if she was just going to bail at the first hurdle?

She needed Heimy to help her figure this shit out. Pick it all apart. And there was so, so much of it. Gnawing at her. Demanding attention all at once. The ache of change and distance and remorse and cloying, terrifying attachment.

Maybe it was love with Caitlyn, but maybe it was just another fixation. How was she supposed to tell the difference? How could she—

Fade. All her problems would just—

No. Fuck that! No! She’d promised herself.

Heimy could help.

He had to help.

‘My, uh...’

She sank in the chair, resting her head where her spine should’ve been. That damn cushion suddenly felt like an anchor. Like if she didn’t hold it close, she’d fall apart.

‘My dad. Silco...’ She felt each letter on her tongue. His name carried so much weight. ‘Some... stuff... happened recently... Today... Got me thinking about him, I guess.’

‘Today?’ Heimy probed.

‘Uh huh,’ she nodded, only just realising how odd it must’ve sounded. This might’ve been his first appointment of the day, but her morning had started early.

Shifting upwards, she crossed her legs so that she sat on her ankles. Sitting like that always made her feel like a kid, too tiny to sit at the grownups’ table; too young to know what everyone was babbling about, but somehow still given the chance to listen.

It comforted her.

How old was she, now? Twenty-three, twenty-four? And she still sat in chairs like she was just a curious little girl. Like Powder.

Yikes. She’d never be able to properly open up if she kept thinking so much.

Thank fuck for post-its and pens. She grabbed the stack from the desk, peeled off a fresh blue one, and got to work, this time using one of her bony knees in place of a table.

There was only one thing she really wanted to draw. The only person she actively wanted to be around that day.

Midnight blue hair, sloping nose, inquisitive eyes, soft lips…

‘Okay, I can work with this,’ she mumbled to herself, focus pooled on the sketch as it slowly took form. ‘What were we talking about, again?’

‘Your father,’ Heimy softly reminded her.

‘Right...’

The drawing looked more like her muse with each careful line.

What would Caitlyn say if she was there in the room with them?

It’s okay. Breathe. Talk.

‘Is it... bad... that I...’

Guilt wrapped itself around her throat, coiled like a snake.

Ugh, she should’ve kept their philosophy talk going instead. Discussions like that bored her to disturbance and rarely ended well, but at least she could’ve used it to waste the rest of the session.

Staring at the rough outline of Caitlyn’s face before her, she took a deep breath.

Talk...

‘...I haven’t been to see him...?’

‘Well,’ Heimy began, ‘do you want to see him?’

‘All the time,’ she said. ‘Just not... in there.’

‘Prison is indeed a distressing place to see a loved one,’ he said. ‘What’s brought all this to mind?’

‘Something Sevika said.’

You’ve abandoned him.

‘Doesn’t matter,’ she winced.

‘It matters if it’s affected you.’

Jinx balled up, discarding her drawing. It fluttered to the carpeted floor, unfinished eyes gazing up at her.

‘Lots of things affect me,’ she said. ‘Can’t all matter.’

‘Why not?’ He asked, barely pausing before his next question: ‘This does, doesn’t it?’

‘No?’ Tears stung hot around her eyes. Spilt carelessly down her cheeks, into her lap. ‘I don’t know. It shouldn’t.’

She’d usually wipe those tears away and pretend they were never there, but they’d come on so quick. Nothing she could do to stop them.

Yep, she really should’ve stuck with the philosophy tangent.

‘Sevika made a remark that upset you,’ Heimy said, pointing out the obvious in that oh-so-shrinkish way of his. ‘Why shouldn’t that matter, Jinx?’

‘Because it just shouldn’t, it…’ She didn’t know. She didn’t have an answer, she was just fishing for something that made a slip of sense. ‘It never used to. All the dumb shit Sevika throws at me, none of it usually sticks, but... this… I… I think maybe she was right.’ Oh. ‘And that fucking terrifies me, ‘cause it means I’m gonna have to visit him to prove her wrong, and I… I’d rather die than see him in there, but I’m supposed to be recovering, I’m supposed to be better, so… So, I guess she’ll just be right forever, won’t she? I’ll be a big fat abandoner, and the Ogre will be right.’

Heimy nodded his understanding; Jinx had let a crucial detail slip. Abandoner. Fuzzy McFuzz would’ve been crap at his job if he didn’t know the significance of that word. So many of her problems so often returned to it.

His eyebrows twitched as his mind ticked over, thinking up more questions he could use to pry deeper and unpick that matted, ugly thread.

Well, he could ask whatever he wanted. She wouldn’t answer. Didn’t want to get into it any further. Not that day. Not when she had Caitlyn to look forward to later. She couldn’t have a full-blown breakdown in Heimy’s office, then walk out twenty minutes later and act like everything was fine.

Not. That. Day.

With fresh resolve, she shifted forwards in the chair, planting both feet firmly on the floor.

‘Anyway,’ she sniffled into a snicker. ‘How ‘bout you, Doc? Get up to anything fun while I was away?’

‘Hmm.’ With a tight smile, he removed his glasses. Plucked the green silk handkerchief from his chest pocket and started polishing. One lens, then the other. Avoiding the question; lamenting the swift change in topic.

As he fixed his glasses back in place, his beady eyes found the castaway post-it. Crafty little critter.

‘Ah, you’ve started to draw a face, I see…’ New line of interrogation: unlocked. ‘Anyone in particular?’

All of the blood in Jinx’s body rushed to her cheeks at once. ‘Uh…’ She whipped the little note back up into her lap. It was supposed to be for her eyes only.  ‘It’s, um…’ Fuck it. ‘It’s Caitlyn.’ An involuntary laugh blurted out. ‘Meant to be, anyway! Faces’re hard.’

‘Caitlyn.’ Heimy referred to his notes, leafing through the pages from their last session. ‘I see.’

‘Yep!’ She wanted to hurl herself face first out of the nearest window. ‘We’ve… decided to give it a go... as girlfriends.’

‘Oh.’ He furrowed his brow and stroked his beard. Wrote some more. ‘When was this?’

‘Last night,’ she admitted.

Her life was an actual shitshow.

He responded only with a grumble, his pen barely lifting off the page.

Gods, this session just got better and better.

‘Look,’ she stressed, ‘I know it’s not great timing with me fresh out of psychosis n’ all, but having her in my life like this is all I’ve wanted for months, and I—’

‘Jinx,’ he sighed, finally giving his pen a rest. ‘Allow me to stop you there.’ Eye contact. Ouch. ‘I’m not here to judge or dictate your decisions, only to listen, and help.’

‘I know, but—’

‘If you wish to talk about your new relationship with Caitlyn, please do,’ he encouraged with a smile. ‘Moreover, if romance is something you want to engage with, engage with it. Always better to engage than to avoid; to do the hard work, not run away from it. But make no mistake, it will take work.’

Yeah, no shit...

‘Would you like to revisit some of the DBT strategies we’ve discussed in the past?’ He proffered. ‘Things to help ground you – keep you regulated – should you start to feel untethered. It’s been a while since we touched upon them.’

Great, more Diabolical Behaviour Therapy.

Jinx wished she could’ve safely turned him down and struggled through it all on her own, but she couldn’t. Not if she wanted to keep her sanity in check. Keep Caitlyn close.

With a reluctant nod, she accepted.

‘Good, let’s start with some observation, then,’ he said, his tone tinged somewhat softer, trying to coax her into playing along. ‘Look around the room – out the window, right at me, wherever you like – and tell me what you see. What’s in front of you?’

The session finished, and true to form, Sevika was already waiting outside, parked under a huge maple tree. Its fallen leaves carpeted the ground. Pretty. Dead and turning to mush under people’s feet, but pretty, nonetheless. And some were even pink!

Jinx had to have one. She crouched down and picked the biggest, brightest leaf she could see. Perfect.

Sevika nodded a greeting as Jinx skipped up to her, twirling the leaf by its stem.

The closer she got, the more she took in the scene before her. The littered cigarette butts around the car… Sevika had been there a while, huh? Had she even left? Didn’t she have, like, organised crime to attend to or something?

‘‘Sup?’ Jinx jumped up on the bonnet Sevika leant against. As she fixed the precious leaf behind her ear, she eyed up the pack of smokes. One of the only vices she was still allowed. ‘Can I bum one of those?’

‘Rough session?’ Sevika taunted. Still gave her one, though.

Jinx shrugged; she’d done enough talking about it.

Unlit cigarette pursed between her lips, she cleared her throat, prompting Sevika to flick open her lighter and help out. The heat of the flame sparked an orange glow, and she hummed her satisfaction.

The first drag was just as good as she’d hoped. Not as tasty as a joint, but it would do just fine.

Sevika lit another for herself, and they smoked together in silence, watching the world go by.

Propped up on one wrist, Jinx dangled her legs over the edge of the car. Sighed. Smoked some more.

The longer they both lingered there, the more it felt like there was this huge, monstrous cloud of awkward between them.

Gah, she’d have to bring up the Silco thing. Shit needed to get ironed out.

‘Did you—’ Just fucking say it. ‘Did you mean what you said this morning… about Silco… that I’ve... abandoned him?’

Turning so they were face to face, Sevika smiled. Nodded. ‘I did, in the moment. Shouldn’t’ve said it, though... Sorry, kid.’

‘Nah, you were right,’ Jinx replied with a forlorn grin. ‘I haven’t been there for him. Not like you have.’

‘It’s my job.’

‘Yeah, but it’s more than that, though.’ An alarming amount of warmth bloomed in Jinx’s gut. The kind reserved for loved ones. Family. ‘You care about him…’ The Ogre was family, Jinx supposed. ‘About me, even.’

‘Careful,’ Sevika chuckled dismissively, but her soft, heartened eyes gave the game away. ‘I don’t have to drive you home.’

‘Then don’t,’ Jinx snickered.

It was an empty threat, but she wouldn’t have minded it. Her supposed home – that cold, empty apartment – was the last place she wanted to be.   

‘Where else’ll you go?’ Sevika asked, bordering the line between curious and mocking. ‘Your new girlfriend’s?’

And just like that, mocking won out. So much for the cutesy family vibes, huh?

‘Can’t,’ Jinx rolled her eyes. Flicked away her spent stub. ‘Not while she’s at work. That’d be… I dunno. Weird.’

‘Some might call it romantic,’ Sevika said, her tone disconcertingly genuine. ‘You could cook for her – chicks love that.’

‘Chicks?’ Jinx snorted a laugh. ‘Okay, frat boy.’

With another chuckle at her own expense, Sevika hopped to her feet and slid into the driver’s seat.

Jinx took her cue and flopped into passenger mode. Whipped out her headphones as Sevika switched on the engine.

‘So,’ Sevika began, steering them out of the car park and onto the road. ‘Where to?’

‘Grocery store, I guess.’

‘Uh huh.’ Sevika smirked.

‘Ugh...’

Jinx sunk as low in her seat as the belt allowed, more than a little salty about caving to Sevika’s advice. But what the fuck else was she gonna do with her day? Sit and watch the damp spot on her bathroom ceiling get bigger?

Besides, Sevika was probably right. For once. Caitlyn probably would’ve enjoyed a cute little home-cooked meal. She’d definitely deserve a treat after a hard day’s work.

Hard day’s work catching criminals and ne’er-do-wells and all the worst, best, kinds of people…

Gods, why the fuck did Caitlyn have to be an enforcer!?

Okay, shitty career choice aside, the woman still had to eat. What did she like? More importantly, what could Jinx actually cook? P, B & J? Boxed noodles? Fricking trail mix? Not exactly fine dining.

Vi was the chef of the family, not her. Jinx and any real attempt at cooking had never ended well. She could already picture the look of disappointment on Caitlyn’s face – how she’d try to be polite and eat whatever Jinx made, no matter how gross it was. Vi used to do that, too. Back when… back when they were still sisters.

‘Forget it,’ she huffed, annoyed at herself for even entertaining the idea. Her nerves flared and her pulse quickened. Everything inside her screamed with an urgent need to be heard and understood and alone. ‘Just… take me home.’

‘Bullsh—’

‘Take me home!’

Fuck. She didn’t mean to snap; it wasn’t Sevika’s fault.

Why did Jinx’s family always get the shittiest side of her? And just when they were finally getting along, too.

With a disgruntled tut and a click of her tongue, Sevika turned down a side road, re-routing towards The Lanes. Her frustration was palpable.

Sorry, Ogre.

Jinx stared at the headphones sat in her lap. Time to maladaptive daydream all the way home! Getting them cosy around her ears, she scrolled through the playlists on her phone...

What was she in the mood for? Something to help her dissociate.

Fade.

Nope! Heh. Something… melodic. Slow-paced. Twinkly guitar, maybe. Hot lady vocalist.

Caitlyn.

Gods, talk about tunnel vision.

In another life, Caitlyn could’ve made an intriguing front woman. What kind of music might she have made? Lyrics filled with yearning, no doubt. Sad pop. Extremely gay. Pretty much the exact type of thing Jinx wanted to listen to in that moment. Not her usual taste, but, well, it was Caitlyn’s, wasn’t it? She loved all those soppy, sapphic ballads. That made Jinx love them, too.

Truly alone for the first time since leaving Doctor Scary’s, Jinx didn’t know what to do with herself. She tried to focus on her usual pastimes – those that didn’t involve getting wasted, anyway – but no matter what she did, all she could think about was Caitlyn. No amount of gaming or painting or tinkering was enough to scratch that itch.

She’d never missed anyone the way she missed Caitlyn. No feeling compared to it. Being apart from her felt like being dead. Jinx was nothing but a zombie. A robot without its power source. A lowly creature skulking in the dark of a bottomless cave, yearning for the light.

It was barely midday; hours of waiting lay ahead… How the fuck was she going to cope until then?

With a heavy-hearted groan, she flung herself into bed. If nothing else worked, there was always sleep.

She cuddled up under the duvet, half-spooning one of her spare pillows. Eyes closed, leaning into the warmth and comfort of her fresh sheets, she imagined Caitlyn there in her arms. They breathed in sync, melting into each other, perfectly in tandem...

Heimy’s words from earlier whispered into her mind, spoken exactly how he’d said them. A man can be scientific and spiritual in tandem.

He was talking about love, wasn’t he? In some roundabout way, at least.

Why did people always equate love with something spiritual? It was chemicals. Identifiable, observable chemicals. And it was awesome. There was no need to paint it as some magical, ineffable force; it was concrete. Reach-out-and-touch-it tangible.

Love was other people.

Love was Caitlyn.

Caitlyn, Caitlyn, Caitlyn…!

Not that she was getting carried away, of course.

After taking her through the DBT strategies, Heimy had reminded her to be wary of how much stock she placed in Caitlyn. Didn’t want her getting too latched on, placing Caitlyn on a pedestal she could never measure up to. He wanted her to be conscious that Caitlyn was just a person; flawed and fucked up like everyone else. Like Jinx didn’t already know that.

But Caitlyn wasn’t like everyone else. She just wasn’t.

She was probably eating lunch right about now, picking at a sad little salad or something. Fantasizing about later, Jinx hoped.

Hmm… Why not turn that hope into a guarantee?

With a cunning snicker at her own devilishness, Jinx slipped a hand between her legs, under her pants. Stroking the wispy tuft of blue hair above her cunt, she picked up her phone. Found the most enticing angle she could, snapped a photo, and sent it.

Nothing like the thrall of masturbation to distract Caitlyn at work...

Her hand lingered there, revelling in the feeling. She had been looking for a good distraction.

‘Mmmmm...’ A contented sigh passed her lips, fingers sinking lower. Deeper.

She cast her phone to the side and quickly got to work on her clit. There wasn’t much wetness there, on account of her meds, but it wouldn’t take long to get herself going. A few clever, purposeful strokes, and she was halfway there already.

She’d forgotten how good her fingers could feel. The simplest of tools, but the most effective.

Reaching overstimulation with her clit, she moved further south and filled her hole. Two fingers barely touched the sides.

With a third joining the party, she set to pumping in and out as fast as she could, curling inside. She squirmed and whimpered, riling herself up into a frenzy of heat and thrusts and squirts.

Once spent, she wiped her cum-soaked hands on the damp sheet beneath her. Laid there panting in blissful exhaustion.

This time, when her eyes closed, sleep came easily.

Jinx stirred from her nap with just enough time to get ready before Caitlyn arrived. After a quick, refreshing spritz in the shower, she hunted for something to wear.

Fuck, most of her clothes were still stuck in the laundry!

She should’ve asked Sevika to take her shopping for a new outfit. What was she supposed to do, slip back into the same clothes she had on before?

Oh, Zeri! She had great taste; Jinx had raided her closet many-a-time. Thank fuck they were friends!

…

They were still friends, right? It had been a while since they’d hung out...

With a small towel barely covering her dripping wet body, Jinx sped across the hall with the force of a fashion-seeking missile. Zeri answered quickly, and Jinx rushed inside, too frenetic to explain herself. -

‘Uh, hello to you, too...?’ Zeri chuckled, following in her wake. ‘What’s the rush, J?’

‘Clothing emergency!’ She yelled, hurtling straight towards Zeri’s bountiful closet. ‘Need to borrow something cute!’

‘Ah,’ Zeri caught up to her with a smirk. Their friendship remained intact, it seemed. ‘Occasion?’

‘Date,’ Jinx said, then reconsidered, ‘ish...? I dunno. We’ve been seeing each other for a while, kinda, off and on. Mostly off. But we’re way, way on now, and I—’

‘Okay, hush, hun,’ Zeri grabbed hold of her shoulders with a reassuring firmness. ‘How much time we got to play with?’

‘She’s picking me up around seven, so, like, twenty minutes, I think?’ Gods, Jinx was screwed. ‘What time is it?’

‘Uh...’ Zeri checked her phone. ‘Six forty-six, on the dot.’

‘Ah, fuck.’ They had even less time than she thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Why was she always fucking late for shit!?

‘Hey, relax, okay?’ Zeri’s sparkling eyes and laidback smile grounded her somewhat.

She nodded, ‘okay...’

‘What’s got you so anxious?’ Zeri asked. ‘You’re usually chill about shit like this.’ Out of nowhere, she pulled a see-through baggy of Shimmer from her back pocket and waved it in Jinx’s face. ‘Need a little help?’

Oh, gods...

Jinx licked her lips, salivating. That gorgeous, glistening powder shone brighter and pinker than any fallen leaf ever could. But that kind of help wasn’t on the cards.

She stepped back, hugging the towel tighter around her body. It felt like the cushion in Heimy’s office; a material, tangible lifeline.

‘I don’t, uh...’ She violently shook her head. ‘I don’t do that stuff anymore.’

She’d totally forgotten that Zeri was into it. Weed, of course, but Shimmer? Maybe theirs wasn’t a friendship she wanted to keep, after all.

‘Oh,’ Zeri frowned, confused. ‘Since when?’

‘Long story,’ she said warily, inching closer to the way out.

‘Well, I mean, hey, no worries, J...’ Sensing the atmosphere shift, Zeri returned the baggy to her pocket and held her hands out to show how empty they now were. ‘How about a drink instead? Scratch got me more of that tequila with the worm in it!’

Scratch... There was a name Jinx hadn’t heard in a while. Another old friend; another Shimmer junkie. They knew Ran and Dustin, too. Used to play The Last Drop with their band all the time. Pretty talented, if memory served. Talented, but toxic.

Zeri disappeared into the kitchen, and Jinx just... stayed put. Stuck with her thoughts.

Memory served.

Jinx had blacked out most of her latest bender, but Scratch... Scratch had been there...

One of her so-called parties was in full swing when they came barging in, Shimmer mask and angry red mohawk on full display, carrying that gods damned blowup doll and a bucket of pills – a literal bucket, straight from a construction site or someplace.

Definitely Scratch. One hundred percent.

And fuck, they didn’t come alone. Someone entered behind them – neon green hair and snakebite piercings and a fierce little black dress – brandishing a bottle of tequila with the fricking worm in.

Zeri.

Zeri had witnessed Jinx at her lowest, spiralling into oblivion, and hadn’t tried to stop it. In fact, she’d enabled and encouraged it, just like anyone else who’d rocked up to party during that time.

Shady fucking bitch.

They were, without doubt, not friends.

Jinx charged to confront her in the kitchen, shaking with rage, while Zeri poured out a couple of shots like everything was all chill and cool and no worries. Well, she was about to have a lot to worry about.

‘Yesss,’ Zeri beamed as Jinx approached, ‘come get a sho—’

Jinx seized her throat, sending her spluttering and staggering back.

Pressed up against the sink, Zeri struggled to break free, but Jinx’s fury made her stronger. It wasn’t hard to hold that snivelling asshole in place. Jinx could’ve squeezed harder. She wanted to.

‘J… Jinx, what’re you—’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ she scowled. ‘Don’t you ever fucking offer me drugs or booze ever again, understand?’

Zeri’s eyes drowned in confusion and shock, but she nodded anyway. Out of fear.

Fear was a form of understanding; Jinx had learned from Silco.

‘In fact,’ she snickered with malice, ‘don’t come anywhere near me. My girlfriend’s an enforcer.’

She paused to let that little revelation sink in. As predicted, Zeri’s eyes widened in horror.

‘Fuck with me again, in any way whatsoever,’ she hissed, ‘and I’ll have you and Scratch thrown into Stillwater’s deepest, darkest cell.’

She’d never do something like that, of course; just needed Greenie to believe her.

‘Never mind what Silco would do to you…’ The real threat.

‘Wh…’ Zeri looked like she could’ve cried. Her lips quivered and the whites of her eyes turned red. ‘What’re you talking about? When did we fuck with you?’

‘My party a few weeks back,’ Jinx spat. ‘Don’t act all innocent. You know what you did.’

Zeri showed no inkling of awareness. ‘Your… party…?’

What? Had Jinx imagined the whole thing?

Her limbs turned to jelly as her thoughts blurred and doubt crept in. She let Zeri go. Hugged her torso instead.

She’d completely lost it. What the fuck happened to emotional regulation? She was supposed to check the facts before flipping out like that.

Observe. Describe.

You can’t describe what you can’t observe.

You can’t observe what’s in someone’s mind.

Zeri erupted in a raw, desperate cough, clutching her now sore throat.

Jinx grimaced at the pain she’d inflicted. ‘Sorry, I, I thought—’

‘Thought what?’ Zeri’s cold, condescending tone cut through her. ‘Gods, J, what the fuck is wrong with you? You practically beg me and my friends to hang, then flip out about it weeks later – what’s that about? Are you, like, bipolar, or something?’

Bipolar? Ha. Heard that one before. People always got the two Bs confused. Numbskulls.

She wouldn’t have expected that kind of talk from Zeri, though. The laidback cutie who’d greeted her at the door had devolved into an ignorant, judgmental mean girl.

It was disappointing, but, whatever. They were just neighbours. Had a neat rapport going for a while, sure, but they never got close.

Jinx rarely got close.

At least Zeri had confirmed that she and Scratch were both at Jinx’s that night. Among others...

How many people had traipsed through her apartment with her in that state? How had nobody – not one single person – questioned things, or asked if she was okay?

She clearly wasn’t.

Then again, none of them were. Had to be why they’d flocked to her so-called party in the first place – Scratch, Zeri, Dustin, and whoever else. Misery loved company, right? That, or they were all just assholes who didn’t give a shit about anything other than getting wasted. Or both.

Dustin was definitely both, before he, you know…

‘Hello?’ Zeri’s nasal, irritated whine cut across Jinx’s thoughts. ‘Anybody in there?’ She taunted. ‘I swear to fuck, it’s like you’re already high. No wonder you didn’t want any Shimmer – you’re batshit enough without it.’

Jinx soaked up Zeri’s cruel words. Her instincts told her to fire the same energy right back. Total character assassination. She didn’t need to know Zeri on any kind of deep level to know how to destroy her. Most people had the same insecurities, they just masked them differently. Zeri was no exception. All Jinx had to do was start with what she could observe – the woman Zeri wanted the world to see – and extrapolate from there. Work inwards.

The way Zeri styled herself was a blatant cry for attention and self-expression. Bright green hair, piercings dotted around her face, eye-catching dress sense that usually revealed at least a handful of the bold, classic Zaunite tattoos she’d had inked all over her body. Her easy-going, alt-stoner aesthetic belied a psyche riddled with anxiety.

She and Jinx had that in common. Made it easier to spot and dig into.

Unfairly easy.

Gods, she couldn’t do it. They were too similar. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t yell home truths at Zeri without them ricocheting back onto her. To hurt Greenie was to hurt herself, and she’d done enough of that to last a lifetime.

Something told her – Caitlyn’s voice, maybe, or her own intuition – to kill Zeri with kindness instead.

Well, Jinx’s version of kindness…

‘Y’know what?’ She drawled; words laced with a surprising level of genuine amusement. ‘You’re right – I am batshit.’

Zeri’s lips parted, pierced brows knitting together in confusion. Good.

‘Clue’s in the name, right?’ Jinx smirked. ‘But don’t worry, I’m not gonna jinx ya. Not right now, anyway. My girl’s waiting on me.’

A heartfelt smile slipped out. Caitlyn would be there to pick her up at any second. Like fuck was she about to let this bullshit ruin their night.

‘So!’ With a determined sigh, she stared Zeri right in her startled, bloodshot eyes, and cut a menacing grin. ‘Just make sure I don’t see you around, huh?’

Making to leave, she remembered one more thing.

‘Oh! And I’ll be taking back that spare key of yours.’

She raced back to her apartment, heart hammering in her chest, throat dry and raw and gasping. Chugging a glass of water made no difference. She wasn’t thirsty. Wasn’t hungry. Wasn’t even angry anymore. She was just...

Empty.

Alone and skulking in her cave, yet again.

Should’ve taken Zeri up on her offer, huh? Never felt empty with Shimmer as a friend. Never felt anything real. Just chemicals charging and pulsing and zapping at her brain.

She crashed back into bed, spinning out and adrenalized and bored, bored, bored, with nothing to do but wait for Caitlyn to make her a person.

Desperate to occupy her mind with literally anything else, she reached for her phone; still by her bedside, right where she’d left it. She hadn’t checked it since falling asleep.

To her delight, the home screen greeted her with a pretty little string of texts, all from Caitlyn. Grinning with the avarice of a junkie readying a fresh needle, she consumed the messages one at a time, revelling in each word.

14:30:

Bloody hell, Jinx, I’m blushing at my desk!

Blushing... As much as Jinx would’ve loved to see that, why was Caitlyn blushing?

14:32:

Darling, whilst I appreciate the thought (more than you’ll ever know), no more NSFW pics when I’m at work, please and thank you xxx

That said, it’s been a shit day so far, and it brought a much-needed smile to my face... <3

Rightttt, the masturbation pic... Jinx had forgotten... Heh. Well, at least it made Caitlyn smile.

14:36:

How are you, anyway? How was therapy?

A head fuck, as always, she said to herself.

14:38:

Right, my break’s nearly over. It’s busy here, so I doubt I’ll get a chance to look at my phone until this evening. Just know I’m thinking of you & will be with you soon <3 xxx

Awwwww.

18:12:

Hi darling, slight hold up at work but shouldn’t take too long. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way xxx

18:40:

Leaving now xxx

18:41:

Is there anything special you’d like me to pick up for dinner? Steak or something? Dessert, too – something chocolatey? Let’s push the boat out! Xxx

Did that mean Caitlyn wanted to cook, even after work? Was she some kind of freak?

18:44:

Actually, on second thought, I’m far too tired to cook. Just imagined all that work after the day I’ve had & my heart sank. I’ll pick up some nice pizzas for us instead, hope that’s alright? Xxx

Ugh, Jinx should’ve just gone along with Sevika’s little scheme. It would’ve been about to pay off right about now. Could’ve had a fancy romantic meal for Caitlyn to come home to...

She couldn’t lie, though, pizza sounded great.

18:57:

At the shop now. What toppings do you like? Xxx

Okay, Caitlyn had sent that last message a couple of minutes ago, meaning she was probably still at the store.

Jinx replied:

whatever you want, i’m easy

Hmm, that didn’t sound very grateful.

Jinx:

and thanks, pizza sounds perfect <3

Caitlyn replied within a minute:

Well, I aim to please xxx

Jinx fired back:

trust me when I say you’ve succeeded xxx

Jinx huffed and put the phone down. Too bad she was about to fail miserably. Caitlyn’s work delay had bought her a few extra minutes, but she still had nothing to wear. No way to impress. Unless she just lost the towel, stayed naked, and pleased Caitlyn that way…

Ha! Definitely an option.

Ugh, but they weren’t staying in Jinx’s apartment. They were escaping to Caitlyn’s, and a place like that required actual clothes.

Once more, she cursed herself for not dragging Sevika shopping.

Oh, but—!

Jinx clicked into Caitlyn’s contact on her phone and hit the call button.

‘Hello?’ Caitlyn answered quickly, her voice rushed and sharp. Stressed.

Maybe Jinx shouldn’t have rung but, fuck, she couldn’t think of anything better to—

‘Jinx?’

Crap.

‘Hi!’ Gods, she sounded so shrill. Palm, meet face. ‘Yeah, um, tiny hiccup over here – hoping you can help, but, uh, no worries if not, obviously.’

‘What’s wrong?’ Caitlyn’s sincere concern eased Jinx’s panic a tad.

Simply hearing her voice…

‘I, uh, kinda have nothing to wear… I mean, literally nothing, not just nothing nice, or whatever.’

The confession made her grimace. Why couldn’t she do her laundry and stay on top of it like normal people did? Well, she knew why, but—

‘It’s all still, you know…’

She really didn’t want to have to spell it out. Caitlyn had been there the night before – she’d seen the bags piled up by the door, ready to meet the building’s washer-dryers downstairs.

‘Right, right, of course.’ Caitlyn’s tone suggested she was already formulating a plan, jumping at the chance to help. ‘What is it that you need, specifically?’ The background noise of the call switched up, as though she’d started walking in a different direction, and quickly. ‘Just the essentials?’

‘Oh, uh…’

‘What takes priority?’ Caitlyn pressed, the background din growing evermore hectic as she moved through the sections of the store, presumably towards the general clothes area. ‘Pants and tops – basic stuff? Loungewear? What size are you?’

The barrage of questions threw Jinx off her axis for a moment. She’d expected way more pushback. She’d expected a fight. But Caitlyn had leapt into action without question and was seemingly about to run around the entire store, hunting down any clothing items she thought might suit her new girlfriend.

What a woman... Jinx didn’t deserve her.

She couldn’t think of the last time someone had gone so far out of their way for her without complaining or asking why, just because she needed them to… Her mother, maybe, when she was tiny. Vi, when they both lived at the care home. Nobody in her adult life, that was for sure. Not even Silco; his love always seemed to come with strings attached.

Struck by Caitlyn’s overwhelming kindness, Jinx pinched the bridge of her nose to stop from bursting into tears. The pain between her eyes grounded her enough to focus on what was happening.

If Caitlyn was shopping for her, she could at least provide some basic instructions.

‘Whatever’s smallest,’ she said, mortified.

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn replied, matter-of-fact. Focused. ‘Colour preference? Black, or something a bit funky?’

‘Funky?’ Jinx couldn’t help but mock. ‘I dunno, dealer’s choice. Whatever you wanna see me in.’

‘You might live to regret that.’

‘Doubt it.’ Jinx would love anything Caitlyn picked out for her, simply because it was Caitlyn doing the picking.

Not that she was putting Caitlyn on a pedestal.

‘Alright.’ Caitlyn didn’t sound too convinced, but she powered through. ‘Do I need to bother with underwear, or—’

‘Nah, going to your place, right?’ Jinx grinned something frightful. ‘I’ll just steal yours while I’m there.’

‘Are you sure?’ Caitlyn queried. ‘Not that I wouldn’t like that, but… Will they fit? I’m a bit bigger than you.’

‘You saying I got a flat ass, Kiramman?’

‘Not at all.’ Caitlyn’s flirty smirk resounded down the phone, even amidst the store’s background noise. ‘You know what I mean. You need to be comfortable.’

‘Ugh, fine, get me a pack of extra small briefs or something,’ she lamented.

‘Oh, from the men’s section?’

‘Yep,’ she said. ‘Go-to for comfy undies is always the men’s section. Oh, and the more obnoxiously funky, the better.’

‘Noted,’ Caitlyn assured.

Jinx wouldn’t have been surprised if she was literally noting it all down, item by item. So much effort, just for her. Hardly seemed worth it.

‘Thanks, Cait,’ she said, ashamed to be on the receiving end of all this fuss. It wasn’t how things were supposed to go. ‘I went to Zeri first, but, uh... things got a little awkward.’

‘Awkward how?’ Caitlyn’s question was peppered with concern, and something else. Something dark and fiery, simmering beneath the surface. Protective girlfriend mode.

‘Heh...’ Jinx had a feeling that telling Caitlyn the whole truth about Zeri was probably a bad idea. ‘I dunno. Guess I just realised she’s kind of an asshole.’

‘Why? What happened?’

‘Nothing important,’ Jinx said, shrugging the whole thing off with a blustery laugh. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

‘Alright, well...’ Caitlyn seemed to think on that a moment, before continuing. ‘If you’re sure.’

‘I am.’

‘Okay,’ Caitlyn said, still uncertain. ‘I’ll whizz around now then, see what I can find... Shouldn’t be much longer than half an hour until I’m with you. Will you be okay until then?’

Truly, Jinx felt so, so much more than okay. She felt... looked after.

That cave didn’t seem so dark anymore. Not so empty. Not so dead.

‘Pretty sure I’ll survive,’ she teased, unwilling or unable to express her true feelings on the matter.

‘I know, but…’ Caitlyn’s unwavering practicality gave way to the worry scratching away underneath. She took a shaky breath inwards, as though preparing to speak, but let it out with a heavy sigh instead. ‘Never mind, I’m probably overthinking. It’s been a strange day.’

‘Why strange?’ Was it Jinx? Had the pressure of their new relationship gotten too—

‘Work reasons,’ Caitlyn said. ‘I’ll just be glad to see you soon, that’s all. Haven’t stopped thinking about you all day. And that picture – oh, my gods, Jinx, that picture—’

‘Yeah, you liked it, huh?’ Jinx grinned the dorkiest grin imaginable. ‘I mean, I, um, haven’t stopped thinking about you, either…’

Everything felt so dreamy. How was this real?

Caitlyn hummed sweetly. ‘Okay, I really have to go now,’ she bemoaned. ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

On that promise, she hung up, and Jinx was alone.

Waiting. Again.

Void of anything better to do while she waited, she fixed her hair and make-up, towel still wrapped around her.

By the time Caitlyn arrived outside, Jinx had defined her naturally bushy brows, smudged on a rushed, sexy, smoky eye look, and blended a tiny bit of liquid blush and highlighter onto her cheekbones, bringing them to life. She’d debated going all out and applying her favourite aubergine lipstick – a finishing touch she usually reserved for proper nights out and special occasions – but with all the inevitable kissing ahead of her, she opted for a clear slick of balm instead.

Bubbling over with excitement, she darted from the bed to the door in two seconds flat. As soon as she hit the buzzer to let Caitlyn inside the building, she poked her head out, peeking down the corridor.

The entrance to the stairwell stared back.

Jinx suddenly felt extremely naked. Exposed. The towel hooked under her armpits seemed paper thin, like it wasn’t even there.

It was weird. She was usually pretty chill with nudity. She and Caitlyn had seen each other naked, like, a thousand times. Usually involved sex, though.

Whilst this scenario could have involved sex, it wouldn’t at first. Their interaction would begin on uneven footing, with Jinx on lower ground, on the defence before her opponent had chance to strike.

And worse than being in the buff, she’d asked for help. Shown Caitlyn her soft underbelly, how weak she could be...

She’d let herself trust Caitlyn not to hurt her.

Now, why had she gone and done a stupid thing like that?

Fuck.

Okay. She couldn’t let herself panic about this.

Participate. Let go.

Pay attention to the moment, the present.

Nothing else exists.

Go with the flow and chill the fuck out.

The squeak of the stairwell’s double doors jolted Jinx from her mini spiral.

Into the moment, full steam ahead...

The doors swung open, and Caitlyn burst through huffing and puffing, shopping bag in tow. Unaware of Jinx’s eyes on her, she wore almost no facial expression; lips drawn in a neutral line, brow steady, focused on the task at hand. Her hair, swept into a ponytail, frizzed around the edges. Her smart work attire was creased from the day’s wear.  

She looked tired. Incredible, as always, but tired.

Jinx felt all kinds of guilty at that. She’d made her exhausted girlfriend go clothes shopping for her…

Caitlyn glanced up, clocking Jinx straight away. A huge smile bloomed across her face.

That perfect face.

Jinx smiled back, raising a hand in a timid wave. She felt tiny, peeking out from the safety of her apartment like a weird little goblin. A teensy-weensy, very naked goblin, who’d somehow bagged herself a smoking hot girlfriend.

Caitlyn rushed forth, gleefully hotfooting it down that smelly, old corridor, all smiles and relieved sighs. Relief at seeing Jinx, for some bizarre reason.

She barrelled inside, casting her shopping to the floor and enveloping Jinx in her arms in one fluid motion.

Jinx immediately hugged her back, melting into Caitlyn’s warmth, the silk of her shirt, the lingering sweetness of her perfume…

Fuck, what a rush!

No amount of Shimmer could’ve matched that feeling of ecstasy, that level of pure euphoria. Every nerve in her body exploded with life and light and love. All doubt evaporated.

After a long, shitty day, they were finally together.

Nothing else existed.

Turned out, Caitlyn had gone way more overboard with the clothes shopping than Jinx anticipated. The bag she’d brought up to the apartment was just one of seven. Seven! Talk about an overachiever.

The second they’d arrived at Caitlyn’s, the lady of the house insisted that Jinx take everything into the master bedroom to check it out, while she faffed about in the kitchen.

So, Jinx unceremoniously dumped the contents of each bag onto the bed...

Ugh, she didn’t like this. It felt icky, like she was taking advantage, or being a burden or something. She couldn’t just let Caitlyn spoil her... could she?

She hummed to herself as she perused the heap. Caitlyn had chosen well – loungewear, mostly – things to cosy up in. A smorgasbord of leggings and joggers and oversized, plain t-shirts and tank tops and bright, colourful socks and briefs.

But that wasn’t all. Caitlyn had added in a couple of special items, too. A fluffy pink and blue tie-dye hoodie-blanket-thing that begged to engulf Jinx in cuddliness immediately, and a small, stuffed monkey, with black-and-white fur and dangling limbs that stuck together so that it could hang out with her wherever she went.

She held her new friend up by one of its long arms and swung it back and forth, studying its face and movements.

Hmm... What kind of name made sense for a monkey? A handsome one, at that. Definitely a dude – something about the cut of his expression said dude to her. This fella had an air of class and dignity about him. Needed a classy name to match. Something snooty like... Bartholomew...

Heh, yeah, that worked.

‘I dub thee, Bartholomew Banana Pants,’ she announced. Still a monkey, after all; couldn’t be too sophisticated.

With a half smile, she clutched him to her chest and curled up on the bed.

Her eyes fixed on the soft, grey weave of the carpet below. Toes clenched in one of her many new pairs of socks. These ones had sushi print against a backdrop of pale blue.

She loved them, but part of her wanted to tear them off and throw them away.

How could Caitlyn do this to her? How dare she be so, so—

How had she known to get Jinx a stuffed toy? Bartholomew was the perfect gift. Lil Bartie Bart. Sir Mew-Mew. She already felt unreasonably attached to him.

Her chest constricted. Vision blurred. That sinking feeling. But it wasn’t like drowning. More like the bends. Emotions rushed to the surface too quickly to process, too frantic to regulate. Too much, too much, too much, too m—

‘Knock, knock...’ Caitlyn poked her head around the door, before entering properly. She hovered by the entrance, hands clasped together, hopeful and hesitant. ‘So, how did I do?’ Her gaze landed on Bartie, and she grinned. ‘You like?’

‘I like,’ Jinx conceded. ‘Thank you, it’s just...’ A thin, bewildered laugh scratched her throat. ‘It’s too much. I have other clothes, y’know, they’re just dirty. You didn’t need to buy everything you saw...’

‘I didn’t,’ Caitlyn rebuffed, but her smile remained. ‘I actually restrained myself.’

‘This is restraint to you?’ Jinx smiled then, too – out of sheer disbelief, more than anything – gesturing to the bounty strewn across the bed. ‘You’ve got some serious screws loose.’

‘Thought that was what you liked about me, hmm?’ Caitlyn teased, biting her lip a little. She motioned towards the bed, only to falter a split second later. ‘Oh, now that I think of it, there’s one more thing I have to give you!’

‘Agh, for fuck—’ Jinx face-planted the soft duvet and groaned into it, as Caitlyn disappeared into the en suite.

What else could that woman have possibly conjured up for her? This shit was getting ridiculous.

The en suite erupted with a cacophony of ardent rummaging. Whatever this thing was, Caitlyn must’ve had it for a while, stored away at the back of her bathroom cupboard.

What the crap was it?

‘Should be in here somewh—’ Clattering, swiftly followed by a gleeful clap. ‘Ah!’ Caitlyn called out in victory, re-emerging with a... toothbrush...? ‘Found it!’

Was Jinx hallucinating again?

‘Now,’ Caitlyn began, ‘before you tell me off, this is just a spare I already had lying around.’ Ah, hence all the rummaging. ‘But, well...’ She held the brush-y end towards Jinx, brandishing it like a wand. The magic of dental hygiene! ‘Thought you might make use of it while you’re here.’

Eh, everyone had to brush their teeth, right? At least it was practical.

Jinx reached out, feeling its firm bristles with her fingertips. Sturdy, good quality. No surprises there. Plus, it was pink – Caitlyn knew her well.

She snickered to herself. ‘Thought of everything, huh?’

‘Tried to,’ Caitlyn said. ‘I just want you to feel comfortable here. With me.’

Oh.  

‘Uh huh.’

Nope.

Every instinct told her to spit out the vilest defence that came to mind and get the fuck out of there. Block Caitlyn’s number. Never speak to her again. Never get close like that with anyone else, ever.

Her heart couldn’t take it. The pain of being loved. The inevitability of that love disappearing someday.

She couldn’t get used to Caitlyn treating her like this. Couldn’t get used to the high of being cared for.

Better to engage than avoid.

Couldn’t let herself feel comfortable.

Do the hard work.

The risk was too great.

Don’t run away.

Jinx blinked, and a stray tear rolled down her cheek, onto Bartie’s fur.

Don’t. Run.

She squeezed that little monkey tighter than any living creature could’ve survived. Thank fuck he didn’t need to breathe.

‘Jinx?’ Caitlyn prompted. ‘Are you alright?’

She looked up, into Caitlyn’s affectionate gaze. ‘Yeah…’ Engage. ‘I just, um… need a minute, I think... Can I maybe hang out in here alone for a few? Get my bearings, or whatever... if you don’t mind...’

‘Not at all,’ Caitlyn said in earnest. ‘I’ll go and put the pizzas in.’ With a small nod, she made to leave the room. ‘It’s been a busy day... for both of us... Take all the time you need.’

‘Thanks, Cait,’ she said, for the second time in as many hours. ‘And thanks for getting me all this stuff.’

‘You’re more than welcome, darling. It was honestly the best part of my day.’ A dry grin crept upon Caitlyn’s face. ‘Well, that, and the picture you sent, of course.’

Jinx’s heart soared. All she could do was choke out a laugh. ‘You’re totally unhinged, y’know that?’

‘So you keep saying,’ Caitlyn winked, and left, closing the door behind her.

Between zoning out on her phone, trying on most of her new clothes, and talking herself into staying, all the time Jinx needed rounded out to just over an hour. She finally stepped out wearing nothing but underwear, fluffy socks, and the hoodie-blanket, with Bartholomew Banana Pants napping in its huge, hammock-like pocket.

Passing the kitchen, she spied the pizza. Now cooked, it sat in a tray on the stovetop, untouched. Her belly gurgled at the sight. Ooft, she was hungry. Caitlyn hadn’t eaten without her, at least.

There she was, laidback on the couch – glass of wine on the coffee table, the TV news on low volume, nose in a book – the same neutral face she’d worn earlier. Jinx could’ve happily stared at that face all night, just watching Caitlyn exist from afar. But, well, that wouldn’t have been as much fun as—

‘Hiii!’ With a rush of energy, Jinx skipped up to the couch and leapt straight into Caitlyn’s lap.

‘Ohf—!’ Caitlyn laughed into her book, nearly dropping it to the floor. ‘Jinx, what in the—’

‘Miss me?’ She nestled in closer and planted a big kiss on Caitlyn’s cheek, grinning like the weirdo she was.

‘Hmm,’ Caitlyn seemed to ponder, as a hand settled on Jinx’s waist and squeezed. The other moved the book safely out of the way before curling around Jinx’s other side, boxing her in. ‘A tad...’

With a drawn-out sigh, Jinx crossed her legs suggestively over Caitlyn’s lap. She was either overheating in that hoodie-blanket, or getting incredibly turned on.

Fuck, what was it with them and couches?

Her lustful gaze examined every inch of Caitlyn’s beautiful face, up close. The shape and texture of those perfectly edible lips, in particular. Defined cupid’s bow, plump lower pout, soft and wet and—

A loud growl from Jinx’s stomach cut through the mounting sexual tension. Traitor.

‘And on that note,’ Caitlyn chuckled, ‘let’s eat, shall we?’

Ugh... At least something in Jinx’s body was about to get filled.

By some miracle – batting her lashes and putting on her brattiest voice – Jinx persuaded Caitlyn to put on some reality trash instead of the news. They ate in front of the TV, sat on opposite ends of the same couch, feet intermingling on the middle seat while The Real Housewives of High Silvermere blared on screen.

Caitlyn’s toes were icy cold, so Jinx sandwiched her fluffy socks around them as best she could, more focused on her girlfriend than the pizza. And it was delicious pizza, too – top notch. Her girlfriend had good taste, huh?

Hehehe, girlfriend... That was never gonna get old.

They finished eating, and Caitlyn took the plates over to the kitchen, loading them into the dishwasher one at a time.

There was a methodical grace to her movements that Jinx unabashedly admired. Well, drooled over. Her spot on the couch gave her the best vantage point. Whenever Caitlyn bent over… Ooft.

‘Gods, you’re so fucking hot,’ she mumbled, biting her lip.

Occupied by the dishes, Caitlyn smirked in response, exuding confidence. The lady knew she looked good, and that knowledge only made her sexier.

Jinx wanted to do more than just watch. That body commanded touch.

She darted from couch to kitchen at whippet speed, arms encircling Caitlyn’s waist from behind, hands groping and grabbing at whim.

The sudden, urgent contact prompted a snicker. ‘Someone’s impatient,’ Caitlyn chided.

‘Heh, guilty.’

‘I’m almost done here,’ Caitlyn reassured with a squeeze of Jinx’s arm. ‘Then we can relax for the night.’

‘Sounds good...’ She hummed into Caitlyn’s back, greedily inhaling the sweet freesia perfume still clinging to her shirt after the long day.

Didn’t Caitlyn want to change out of her work clothes? Jinx had gotten herself all cosy, but Caitlyn hadn’t taken any time to do the same.

‘Starting with this.’ Jinx tugged at the tired cotton-blend bunched around Caitlyn’s waist, roughly untucking it from her high-rise trousers. ‘These clothes’re saying bye-bye.’

‘Ha...’ Turning towards Jinx’s embrace, Caitlyn grinned, sharp and true. ‘Are you trying to seduce me, de Souza?’

‘I actually wasn’t, but, um...’

Jinx gulped. Caitlyn using her last name like that had her head spinning.

Slender fingers came to rest on Jinx’s cheeks, while a thumb coaxed her mouth open, drawing out wetness to smear across her lips.

‘Fuck,’ Jinx whimpered, thinking out loud. ‘Why’re you so fucking hot?’

She licked at the thumb still hovering over her mouth, hooked it between her teeth, and slowly bit down, scraping over skin and knuckle.

Caitlyn winced and giggled at the slight hit of pain. ‘Says you,’ she countered.

Before Jinx could object, Caitlyn sealed her comeback with a kiss.

She could have the last word on the matter, Jinx supposed. As long as she kept kissing her like that, Caitlyn could have all the last words she ever wanted.

They stood there a while, making out in the kitchen, hotter and heavier the longer they kept at it...

Was this what a real, grown-up relationship looked like? Groping each other up by the refrigerator, moans drowned out by the drum of the dishwasher.

Picture of domestic bliss.

Eventually – reluctantly – Caitlyn pulled away. Pressed a finger to Jinx’s lips to stop her going back for more.

‘There’s, um—’

Jinx stared at Caitlyn’s lips as they moved, desperate to reclaim them with her own.

‘—something I need to tell you, before we get carried away and I forget.’

Caitlyn spoke shakily. Aroused, or nervous? Jinx couldn’t tell, but she sure as shit was about to listen and find out.

‘Go ahead,’ she said, brow curved in curiosity.

‘I...’ Why was Caitlyn stalling? ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said... last night.’

‘Oh?’ Jinx twitched. She’d said a lot. Whole lotta lot. All manner of personal shit. Stuff she probably shouldn’t’ve just—

‘I want to tell more people about us,’ Caitlyn finally declared. ‘My people, not just yours.’

‘Oh...’ Jinx’s grin returned, full beam. ‘Ya wanna make it officially official, huh?’

‘I do,’ Caitlyn smiled, sparing a quick kiss before she continued. ‘I’ll start slow; build up to telling my mother, for obvious reasons.’

Jinx nodded, ‘Not expecting a good reception.’

‘Understatement of the century,’ Caitlyn sighed.

If Mrs Kiramman’s reaction to her only child and heir dating Vi back in the day was anything to go by, telling that woman about Jinx would be... colourful.

‘So, I...’ Caitlyn stalled again. Anxious fingers gripped at Jinx’s hoodie-blanket for some kind of comfort. What was she so damn on edge about? ‘I thought I’d start by telling my friends.’

Ah, friends... as in that councillor bitch?

‘No one you haven’t met before,’ Caitlyn hastened to explain, seemingly sensing Jinx’s suspicion. ‘Only Jayce and Viktor... and, well, I—’

‘Just say it,’ Jinx scathed, already frustrated. She knew exactly where this was headed. ‘You wanna tell Mel.’ Their eyes met, and her scowl softened a little. She really wanted to be wrong. ‘Don’t you...?’

‘At some point, yes,’ Caitlyn said, a little defensive. ‘Of course, I do.’

Her hands fell from their grip on the soft blanket, on the backfoot, retreating from its warmth. Jinx shivered at the disconnect.

‘I want to tell everyone, not just Mel,’ Caitlyn continued. ‘Anyway, that’s not what I was going to say.’

‘It’s not?’ Jinx frowned, unconvinced.

‘No, it’s not,’ Caitlyn frowned back, skirting away from Jinx to get to the fridge.

Its door rattled open with the loud clink of too many bottles of wine. Without pause, she took out whatever was open – something red – and poured herself a glass. The first mouthful went down a little too eagerly.

Crap, Jinx had fucked up here. Shouldn’t have made it about Mel... But what else was she supposed to think in that scenario?

‘What were you gonna—’

‘Forget it,’ Caitlyn bluntly cut her off, glass clutched in hand so hard that her knuckles shone bone-white. ‘I don’t know why I even brought it up. Now’s obviously not a good time to talk about it.’

‘Talk about what?’ Jinx demanded. ‘Why’re you being so weird?’

‘Well, why’re you still hung up on my friendship with Mel?’ As Caitlyn argued, her wine sloshed wildly, almost spilling over the rim. ‘You still don’t trust that we’re just friends, do you?’ Did she? ‘After everything... everything I’ve...’

She downed the rest of the wine before it could become airborne. Poured out another glass before she’d even swallowed. As she wiped her mouth of the stain of excess booze, she let out an exhausted sigh, verging on tears.

This wasn’t just about the Mel thing, was it? Something else was at play.  

Part of Jinx wanted to take the bottle away, cut off Caitlyn’s supply, but she didn’t. Maybe she would if it happened again. If drinking like that became a pattern. But for now, she idled – arms wrapped tight around her body, knees knocking together – waiting for Caitlyn to come back to herself.

She knew that look; had seen it in the mirror enough times to know what it meant. Caitlyn just... needed a minute.

Yep. That was all. Just a minute.

The observable facts of the situation told her so. She hoped.

...

‘I’m sorry,’ Caitlyn’s voice cracked over the raging heartbeat in Jinx’s ears. ‘I’ve just...’ She perched on a stool around the kitchen island, face in her hands, shaking her head in despair. ‘I’ve had such a weird, shitty day, and I don’t know, I—’

This was, what, the third time Caitlyn had referenced how bad her day was...? What happened, something serious? Like, how weird and shitty were they talking here?

‘—I’m sorry. It’s not fair of me to take it out on you like that.’

Caitlyn chased her apology with more wine. She’d already had over half the bottle. How much more did she plan on drinking that night?

‘Hey, it’s okay...’ Bracing herself for rejection, Jinx moved closer. ‘Fuck knows I’ve exploded at you enough times,’ she quipped, but she wanted Caitlyn to hear her. Feel her.

From the other side of the island, she reached across the narrow distance between them and lifted Caitlyn’s chin up.

‘If you need to vent about it, I’m all ears... Lay it on me.’

Met by Caitlyn’s fragile smile, Jinx choked up a little. She hated seeing her girlfriend like this. Hated that there was almost nothing she could do to make things better.

Was that how Caitlyn felt when Jinx had an episode? She hoped not.

Fuck, it really hurt to care about people. Why did it always have to hurt?

‘Thanks, but...’ Again, Caitlyn shook her head. ‘I can’t talk about the case... We’re not supposed to discuss things like that outside of work. I’d lose my badge if anyone ever found out.’

‘Not like I’d tell,’ Jinx grumbled.

She understood why Caitlyn was shutting her out – Enforcer confidentiality, blah, blah, blitty fricking blah – but that didn’t stop it vexing her.

‘I know you wouldn’t,’ Caitlyn said fondly. She took Jinx’s hand in hers and kissed her palm, tickling the nerves there with her breath. ‘But still, I can’t... It’s a difficult case. Sensitive.’

‘I can be sensitive,’ Jinx whined, accidentally sounding extremely bratty.

‘Don’t I know it,’ Caitlyn retorted, voice hardened with a touch of sarcasm.

Coming back to herself, just as Jinx had hoped she would.

‘Alright, there is one thing about today I can afford to vent about...’

‘Hehehe,’ Jinx giggled in anticipation, beyond excited.

‘They’ve landed me with a new partner,’ Caitlyn groaned. ‘And believe me when I tell you, she’s the fucking worst.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Jinx grinned. ‘Want me to, y’know, get rid of her for ya? Pretty sure Sevika wouldn’t say no if I asked nicely enough.’

Something flickered in Caitlyn’s eyes, like Zeri’s earlier. Fear. Her jaw went slack, eyebrows raised, lips parted.

‘You, uh, do know I’m kidding, right?’ Jinx thought she’d made it obvious, but maybe not.

Agh, but no, her girlfriend was supposed to know her better than that.

Maybe Caitlyn was just too tired and drunk to get the joke...?

‘Of course,’ Caitlyn smiled, shrugging off whatever had possessed her.

The stark shift in expression felt super fucking uncanny. Why the freak out and instant cover-up? What was she hiding?

Jinx tried to ignore the itch in her noggin, but like water through cracks in a dam, doubt crept its way back in.

‘Sorry darling, yes, yes, of course,’ Caitlyn continued. ‘I know you’d never do something like that.’

Heh. Not again, anyway.

‘Anyway, sorry, we got off on a tangent, didn’t we?’ Caitlyn squeezed Jinx’s hand, still wrapped up in hers. ‘Going back to what I was trying to say before... I thought it might be nice if we told Jayce and Viktor about us... together... Over dinner, maybe?’

Jinx pulled a face. Really? Of all the things she might’ve imagined bursting out of Caitlyn’s mouth, it would never have been that. An invite to dinner with Captain Progress and his boyfriend with the cool cane...

Was this just Caitlyn’s way of taking the heat off of whatever the fuck she was obviously lying about, or was she being serious?

It sounded so... grown-up. The kind of thing that actual, functioning adults did, not freaks like Jinx.

How would it even work? Would she have to dress up all nice and formal-like? What would her exit strategy be?

‘You can say no, of course,’ Caitlyn added. ‘It’s just an idea.’

‘Ha,’ Jinx chafed. Why did she get the feeling that saying no wasn’t really an option? ‘If that’s true, why were you so cagey about telling me?’

‘Fair point.’ Caitlyn guiltily sucked in her top lip. Squeezed Jinx’s hand tighter. ‘I may have already invited them here, for next weekend...’

Fucking fantastic.

‘But I didn’t mention you, so if you really don’t want to be there, you don’t have to. Honestly, there’s no obligation.’

‘Pfft.’ It felt like another lie. A trick. It would be too easy if she could opt out just like that.

‘I mean, I’d like it if you came.’ And there it was. Caitlyn wanted her in the picture. End of discussion. ‘But I know things like this are a little out of your comfort zone, and you’re only just home… We can always do something with them when you’ve settled in a bit more. I don’t want you feeling out of sorts.’

‘So, what, it’s now or later?’ Jinx rebuked. ‘Sure, no obligation there whatsoever.’

‘Jinx, they’re my best friends,’ Caitlyn reasoned. ‘It’s important to me that you all get along.’

‘…how important?’

‘I don’t want to pressure you, but... it would mean the world.’

‘The world?’ No pressure at all, then!

As suspected, Jinx couldn’t say no. Not when it meant so much to her girl. She owed it to Caitlyn to at least try, didn’t she?

Wouldn’t be easy, though.

‘Okay, fine.’ Fuck’s sake. ‘If it means that much to you, I’ll do it.’

‘Are you sure?’ Caitlyn asked, as if she hadn’t gotten the answer she wanted on a damn silver platter. ‘We can postpone if you—’

‘No, next weekend’s fine,’ Jinx insisted. She could do this. She could totally do this. Go with the flow. ‘You’ve already told them next weekend, so…’ Better to get it over with. ‘And you didn’t mention me in this plan?’

‘No.’

‘Alright, well, I think you should.’

‘Oh?’

‘They need to at least know they’re not gonna be hanging out with you alone,’ she pointed out. ‘I mean, I’d be pretty pissed off if Ekko sprang a surprise girlfriend on me like that.’

‘Right... that hadn’t occurred to me.’

‘Another thing,’ she added, barely taking time to breathe. ‘I need to know what to expect. Like, what’s the vibe gonna be? Will there be a dress code? And if it’s happening here, will I be able to, like, retreat to the bedroom if I need to, or will you want me mingling with them all night?’

As Caitlyn opened her mouth to answer, Jinx thought of something else.

‘Actually, no, better question! What time’re they likely to wanna go home?’

…

‘Which question should I answer first?’ Caitlyn asked, employing that distinctly warm, wry tone of hers.

She meant it affectionately, Jinx reminded herself.

‘Heh, all of ‘em, I dunno.’ She shrugged, trying not to care so much. ‘Take your pick.’

‘Well, unfortunately, I can only do one at a time,’ Caitlyn replied. ‘For starters, though... yes, you’ll be able to retreat.’ Her voice softened now, sincere and caring. ‘I’d hate for you to feel like you have to be present any longer than you’re able. If you need to take a minute away from things, or go to bed early, that’s absolutely fine. In fact, I’d rather you did that than hang around feeling trapped and uncomfortable.’

‘Phewf, okay!’ Feeling trapped was a very real possibility. ‘Okay, good to know.’

‘What else...?’ Caitlyn took a second to think. ‘Ah, dress code. Let’s just say, definitely more clothes than you’re currently wearing.’

Dark blue eyes raked Jinx up and down, paying close attention to her bare legs poking out of the hoodie-blanket.

Gods, Jinx loved when Caitlyn looked at her like that. Like she wanted to strip her naked and ruin her, right there, across the countertop.

‘Whatever you’re comfortable in,’ Caitlyn concluded.

‘Comfortable, huh?’ Jinx snickered, blooming into a playful smile. ‘Noticing a theme here.’

Caitlyn chuckled at that. ‘I just want you to have a good time,’ she said. ‘Dinner with friends is supposed to be fun, y’know? Nothing to stress about.’

Yeah, nothing to stress about, other than the entire thing and all of its composite parts.

The concept of dinner with friends seemed to come naturally to Caitlyn, but Jinx had never done anything like that. Unless all those times she and Ekko had gotten takeout while playing video games and watching movies counted, which she highly doubted.

At least this sounded like it was gonna be pretty chill. According to Caitlyn, anyway. She knew Jinx well enough to prioritize her comfort and to give her breathing space if needed, and that would’ve been half the battle in her being there, really. With time to prepare in advance, and time to ground herself at regular intervals during, she might’ve even enjoyed herself.

‘So, what else?’ Caitlyn pondered, interrupting Jinx’s thoughts. ‘Did I cover everything?’

Jinx could hardly remember what she’d asked... ‘Eh, think so.’ It’d come back to her.

‘Great!’ Caitlyn gave her an excited peck on the cheek. ‘I’ll drop the boys a message to let them know.’

Let them know what? ‘Thought you already invited them?’

‘Yes, but I didn’t tell them I’d have a date, did I?’

Date? Hmm... She had to admit, she liked that sound of that.

She was going to be Caitlyn’s date.

A date with a liar.

Jinx twitched. Styled it out as a grin.

If Caitlyn really was hiding something, it wouldn’t be for long.