Archive of Our Own ^beta

LAST WEEK OF MARCH

Peter likes his apartment.

First and foremost, the location is nothing short of amazing. It’s in Queens, which is one of the safest boroughs in New York, and the neighbourhood itself isn’t even that bad. There’s a subway stop just down the street that gets him most of the way to work in a relatively timely manner (if everything is running smoothly and on time, that is). And then there’s all the amenities to take into consideration! Like the fact that there are three different grocery/convenience stores that are less than ten minutes’ walking distance.

The building itself is ten stories tall, and his unit is on the seventh floor. It’s a corner unit where he purposefully took the smaller of the two bedrooms. Peter pays slightly less rent than his roommate, Trent, but that wasn’t the reason. The two windows in his room face out into an alley, and it makes it way easier for him to sneak in and out in the middle of the night without Trent noticing.

And then there’s the neighbours. Peter hasn’t met all of them, but the vast majority of the ones that he has have been pretty great. 

There’s Mrs. Hernandez on the fifth floor, who makes sure he’s home on the weekends before she goes shopping. When she gets back, she’ll buzz his unit to let him know, and Peter is more than happy to go down and help her carry her bags upstairs. It’s better than having to leave them in the lobby and bring them up two at a time, and the Taxi drivers are usually nice enough to help her bring them inside. Peter always gets thanked with a few extra tamales whenever she makes them, and it is so worth it.

He also likes to help out old Mr. Lee on the third floor. Sundays are Peter’s shopping day, and he usually brings Mr. Lee along if he needs to get something too. Mr. Lee always has the wildest stories about what he used to do when he was younger, and he has a great imagination too. Peter loves listening to his reminiscing about all the superhero plots and characters that he came up with and sold to comic book companies way back in the day. He soaks up the stories, not only because he has been (and still is) a big fan of a lot of those comics.

Then there’s Melissa on the second floor. She’s a single mom with twin boys, and Peter doesn’t even want to imagine how stressful her life must be sometimes. So, he babysits for her occasionally. He’s pretty comfortable with kids, if only because he’s been babysitting for his neighbours since he was twelve years old and wanted some pocket change for all those comics he used to buy. 

All his knowledge about how to handle kids has come in handy a few times as Spider-Man too. 

It’s probably a heck of disservice to Aunt May to say this… but Melissa makes the meanest apple pie that Peter has ever had. He gets that in payment for watching the twins, and he’s perfectly okay with that. She doesn’t need him every day , but usually she’ll text him earlier in the day if she’s going to be running late, and Peter will skip his usual after-work-patrol to make sure to be home to meet the boys when the bus drops them off after daycare.

What’s the secret to surviving twin boys? Own more video games than they do. Peter will bring a few down from his own stash, and play with them until Melissa gets home.

Of course, she’s not the only person in the building that he’ll pinch hit babysit for. Most everyone else pays him in cash, though. It’s never a lot, but Peter doesn’t expect much anyways. He’s equally okay with being paid in food, thank you very much mutated hypermetabolism, and a lot of his neighbours take him up on that instead. It makes for sampling a lot of different cuisines, so that’s pretty great! 

Honestly, though, this is just a really nice place to live. Peter has been in this building since he first moved out of Aunt May’s townhouse, and he really likes it. Yes, it does have its downsides, but he can get over that. Like how there’s someone on their floor that persistently cooks fish and something about the smell of it makes his stomach turn. Or the light in the bathroom that buzzes really loudly when the microwave is on in the kitchen. 

Yeah, sure, Peter needs to live with a roommate to be able to afford the place, but it’s not that bad. Sometimes it can be a little stressful having to hide that he’s Spider-Man, but he makes do. It just means that he has to pretend that he’s a late night jogger and be a lot more sneaky about things than he would be if he was on his own. 

Last, but most certainly not least, the building is rent controlled . Peter would be an idiot to ever want to leave this place.

So, in summary, Peter does not want to move. His roommate, Trent, however… Apparently had very different plans that he didn’t clue Peter in on until this very morning. Today. A whopping seven days from the end of the month. Seven days until they were supposed to renew the lease together. 

Trent is someone he met during his time at Empire State University. Peter was there on a hefty scholarship from Stark Industries, and Trent is a trust fund baby. Fine, whatever, not a problem. That never got in the way of them being in that nebulous space between acquaintance and friend. Peter always thought they were leaning closer towards the friend end of the spectrum, until Trent up and announces that he’s going to be moving in with his girlfriend instead.

The problem with that, you see, is that a month ago Trent had told him that he was all set on renewing their lease. If Peter had known he was going to be left in the lurch like this, he would have either (very sadly) found a new place, or he would have started advertising and looking for a new roommate right then and there. Not a week before the lease and the rent is due. 

Thanks so much, Trent. Really appreciated.

Would it be better for Peter to live alone as Spider-Man? Yes, absolutely. Hell, even moving back in with Aunt May would be better for him. But… That’s not really an option anymore. When he went off to university, Aunt May downsized. It killed them both to sell the townhouse that Uncle Ben worked so hard to buy, but it was too much space for her to have on her own, and Peter’s scholarships covered the cost of staying in a dorm.

They got Aunt May set up in a decent retirement living complex. It’s just one bedroom, though, and doesn’t have any space for Peter to return to. Which is why, after securing his paid internship with Stark Industries (a position he was basically guaranteed thanks to his scholarship), Peter ended up looking for a place with Trent when they were getting close to graduating. It was a risk with outing himself as Spider-Man, sure, but it was worth it to split rent on a great place like this.

Which, apparently, isn’t going to be a thing anymore. Not after the next seven days.

Peter’s morning is spent panicking on the phone with Aunt May.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, May!” He’s pacing his bedroom on the ceiling, where there’s a distinct lack of furniture to get in his way. “I could… I could probably afford the apartment on my own for a month, maybe two, but I still have student loans to pay off and I won’t be able to put anything into a savings account if everything is going into rent.”

Stark Industries pays well, but now that he’s graduated, Peter is still barely above an intern. Give it a few years, a few promotions, and then he’ll be making enough to afford the place on his own. Hell, he might even be able to afford a nicer one! But right now, in this very second, Peter is basically at the bottom of the totem pole, and he’s in such a panic about Trent ditching him last minute like this that he actually had to call out of work today because he feels like he’s going to throw up.

Maybe he shouldn’t be on the ceiling right now… 

He drops down onto his bed and resumes his pacing throughout the rest of the apartment. Trent is gone for the day, off to work without a care in the world. Like he didn’t just drop a bomb on Peter’s life without so much as a how do you do .

It takes Aunt May almost until noon to talk Peter down from the metaphorical ledge. By lunch time, Peter has stopped his pacing and he’s now at his desk in his bedroom with May on speakerphone while she helps him make a list of everything in the apartment that belongs to him so Trent can’t take them all when he leaves. 

Off the top of his head, there’s the recliner, the coffee table, the coat rack, the dining set, and all the plants that only stay alive because of the watering schedule Aunt May made him put on the corkboard in his bedroom. She also routinely texts him to ask when he last watered them, so they’re really alive purely because of Aunt May and the grace of God.

It doesn’t take too long to put together because Peter doesn’t really have that much outside of his bedroom. They did split the cost of all the kitchen stuff when they moved in, so he’ll need to figure out what Trent wants to do with that. But, in the meantime, the list is complete.

Which means it’s time to write an ad for a new roommate. Trent was very specific (and kind of an asshole about it) when he said that he didn’t have the time to find someone to replace him. It’s all on Peter to do the legwork, and he’s careening towards a breakdown because of it.

“ Stop chewing on your nails.” Aunt May isn’t even on Facetime, but she knows him so well. “ Finish off that list of roommate requirements, slap your email address on it, and then post to Craigslist. ”

“You shouldn’t even know what Craigslist is…” He mutters it more to himself than her, but she has a point and he does as he’s told.

“ It’s the 21st century, Peter. I’m a hip auntie. ” There’s that tone of superiority in her voice that she always gets when she thinks she’s being clever with technology. She can use that tone all she wants, but Peter will never forget having to print and put together a guide on how to use the PVR with her cable system. “ Besides, no one in the age bracket you’re looking for reads the newspaper anymore. You’re going to need to put it on the internet one way or another. ”

Peter snorts, but he doesn’t argue. He might be an outlier, but that’s only because he has a newsfeed notification on his phone for whenever something about Spider-Man or any of his rogues gallery gets posted online. And, yes, that does include newspaper articles. Call him vain for only reading about himself, but there’s good reasons for that.

Specifically, it’s because he wants to spite good ol’ J. Jonah Jameson and the Bugle for those few years when he was their freelance photographer for all things Spider-Man. 

It takes a few minutes to finish the ad and read it back to Aunt May to make sure the wording is right. Once they’re both satisfied, he posts it and slouches back in his chair with a loud sigh. “Thanks, May. I’d probably still be freaking out if it wasn’t for you.”

She huffs over the line, but he can still hear her smile. “ The boy can run head first into a burning building to rescue every crying kitten and puppy, but God help us all when he’s faced with being an adult .”

“I’d rather face the Green Goblin over doing my taxes any day.”

“ Agreed, ” Aunt May chuckles, and there’s no hint of the worry she used to have when she first learned about his costumed alter-ego. “ He’s not as scary as the IRS. ”

Their conversation quickly dissolves into comparing Peter’s rogues gallery to the worst parts about being an adult, and it’s a good distraction. Peter doesn’t want to think about how anxiety-inducing it’s going to be to have to actually conduct the interviews, or how he’s going to need to adjust to someone new in his life again. It’s been… longer than he would care to admit. 

The thing is, Trent wasn’t even a bad roommate. The fact that he’s bailing so last minute has really taken Peter by surprise. Before this, the worst thing Trent would ever do is forget to replace the toilet roll if he finished it. Other than that, things were good and they more or less kept out of each other's way. Peter felt like they were friendly enough together. They certainly had similar enough interests to even be comfortable hanging out in the living room, if he was ever home long enough to do so.

Peter is a millennial. He spends enough time on the internet to have read more than his fair share of horror stories about trash roommates. Never would Peter have ever said that Trent was one of them. Never once did he ever steal food, or… anything, really. Trent was pretty courteous in all regards, and always asked before taking or using anything of Peter’s that wasn’t officially confirmed as communal.

God, Peter is so not looking forward to this.

*

Following the upheaval of Trent’s announcement, the rest of Peter’s week is spent arranging for interviews to happen over the weekend. He’s also far too nice to say ‘ no ’ when Trent asks him for help moving out. That is to say, when he’s not out being Spider-Man after work, Peter is at home packing boxes. He gets to keep almost everything in the kitchen, and he just pays Trent out his half of what it was all worth instead of fighting about it.

And then, because Peter is a nice guy (read: a schmuck ), he also offers to clean Trent’s room for him. Which is why the room is completely empty and Trent is gone for good by the time Friday rolls around. Thankfully, Aunt May comes over to help him clean up, though she does tut at him more than he feels is necessary. If it’s not his scrubbing technique she’s criticizing, then it’s the fact that he didn’t demand that Trent do this himself (or pay someone to do it).

He bites his tongue and smiles through it, just ready for this whole mess to be over.

The room gets a fresh coat of paint. They open the two windows in it and set up some fans to help it dry and air out. Since all the interview appointments are scheduled for Saturday, they spend all of Friday evening tidying the absolute heck out of the rest of the apartment. It’s a nice place, with minimal staining or cracking, but Aunt May insists that they make it as appealing as possible. 

Peter has never cleaned so much in his life .

On the bright side, she does leave him with two trays of brownie batter for him to bake tomorrow. Aunt May claims that there’s something about fresh baking that makes a home more desirable. Peter will have to look into the science behind that, but he’s not going to disagree because he still gets free fresh baked brownies out of it. Score!

*

The first interview is scheduled for bright and early at ten o’clock on Saturday morning. Peter would love to sleep in, but he gets up with more than enough time to shower, make his bed, have breakfast, wash and dry his dishes, and get those brownies baking. Aunt May picked out his outfit for the day; one of his nicer button ups, and a pair of faded jeans to wear with a belt. It’s… not at all what he would normally wear at home (sweatpants and t-shirts for LIFE!) but he wants to make a good first impression, so fine. He’ll look stuffy.

Appearances do mean a lot, and he gets it. Peter is trying very hard not to come across as a terrible roommate. If he’s messy, it’s usually contained to his bedroom. Though that got deep cleaned last night in a fit of insomnia that not even a patrol as Spider-Man could get rid of. Not that he’s planning on showing anybody his bedroom, really. That door is staying shut. No one needs to know what he owns until the landlord has done a credit check and their name is on the lease.

Since Trent took most of the living room furniture, Peter puts the brownie tray out on the coffee table. Depending on how these interviews go today, he’s willing to discuss with his potential future roommate about the possibility of splitting the cost of getting new living room furniture. Of course, all of that was mentioned in the ad, and he repeated it to everyone when he made the appointments. He also plans to say it again today, in case anyone thinks he might just foot the bill for them.

While he waits for his first appointment, a woman in her late twenties named Catherine, Peter relaxes in the recliner and watches videos on his phone. He’s going to need to keep in mind what May told him when looking for a roommate; it should be someone that he wouldn’t mind seeing him in his underwear with three days worth of scruff and a rat’s nest of hair first thing in the morning.

The buzzer goes off a few minutes before ten o’clock, and Peter buzzes Catherine in. She shows up at his door at ten o’clock exactly, and she almost instantly fails the underwear check. Catherine looks like the most uptight librarian he’s ever seen. Her hair is done up in a tight bun, she’s wearing those round Harry Potter like glasses, a pencil skirt, and a blouse. When she walks into the apartment, she moves like she’s got a yardstick strapped to her spine.

“Peter, I presume?” Catherine offers her hand, and then immediately pulls out hand sanitizer the moment they’re finished shaking hands. Peter’s stomach sinks, hoping she’s not a germaphobe. “Pleasure to meet you. I’m Catherine. Shall we get started?”

“Uh - Yeah, okay. Is there anything you would like to know that we didn’t cover in the email?” Peter shoves his hands in his pockets and tries very hard to project that he is not a threat .

Catherine pulls out an honest to goodness notebook. “Yes, I do.” She unclips a pen from the side of the notebook, flips it open, and starts reading them out.

Peter answers as succinctly as he can, feeling like he’s standing up at the front of a class in middle school again, being judged. There’s no on-site laundry facility, but there is a laundromat on the corner. The building is solid and quiet to the point that you don’t hear footsteps or slamming doors (well, Peter can hear them, but he’s got better than average hearing) and it’s only a problem if someone starts playing loud music with a heavy bass.

He makes sure to insist that he’s a fairly quiet person himself. Peter gives a brief rundown of his schedule in that he isn’t home that often. When he is home, he’s usually locked up in his room sleeping or playing video games (aka: out as Spider-Man). He points out that he wears headphones when he plays video games and he’s not the kind of gamer who shouts at the game or other players.

“What about guests?” Catherine doesn’t even look up from where she’s been jotting down everything that Peter has said.

“I’m fine with guests as long as they respect personal spaces.” Peter shrugs and gestures towards the kitchen. “The only person I ever invite over is my Aunt May for dinner every other Sunday. Roommates are always invited to join us.”

“You mentioned that I would be getting the master bedroom?”

“Yeah. Rent is due first of the month, and the rent is split sixty-forty as you would have the bigger bedroom.”

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Catherine walks right past him to his closed bedroom door. She completely ignores Peter’s startled and frankly indignant “Hey!” as she throws the door open and walks right into his bedroom, leaving the personal boundary line in the dust .

Catherine glances around the room, writes something down in her notebook, and walks right back out again. “I was simply making sure that you were being truthful.”

Peter can only stare at her, mouth open, as she goes to inspect the kitchen. That seriously wasn’t okay, and he’s feeling pretty violated in the boundaries department. Now that she’s actually taking a look at the apartment properly, he’s also feeling pretty judged. Especially when Catherine drags a finger over one of the leaves of his potted plants, checking for dust.

Wow. Just wow.

It feels like forever before Catherine is at the door again, notebook tucked away. Peter slaps on his politest smile, but doesn’t offer to shake her hand again. “It was nice meeting you. I have six more interviews to do today, and then I’ll email you with my decision.”

“I’m sure you’ll make the correct one.” She looks at him pointedly over her glasses before turning on her heel and clicking off down the hall. 

As soon as Peter shuts the door, he pulls out his phone. He has a document that he created earlier with a YES, NO, and MAYBE list. Catherine’s name is the first to go on it, and he puts her under the MAYBE section. While she wasn’t actually terrible , he would definitely need to have a conversation with her about what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to invading his private space. Also, he’s pretty sure he could never be in his underwear in front of her. 

Besides that, Catherine didn’t touch a single freshly baked brownie, and that’s highly telling.

Peter eats one of them in her stead, and checks the clock. His next appointment is Zachary, a guy in his mid-thirties, who is due for eleven o’clock. That’s twenty minutes away, so he just chills out and waits. 

And waits.

And waits.

By ten after, Peter emails him to see if he’s still coming. At half past, he sends another. Both go unanswered, and Peter has the distinct feeling that he’s been ghosted. If Zachary gets back to him later about wanting to reschedule, he’ll deal with it then. For now, flakiness is not a good sign and Peter is forced to add a TO BE DECIDED section to his list, just for Zachary.

He eats another two brownies and takes a power nap before his next appointment at twelve-thirty.

Kyle is in his early twenties, and he’s almost thirty minutes late for his appointment. At least he shows up though, and Peter is immediately not impressed. He tries not to judge too much, because Aunt May taught him better than that, but Kyle is… twitchy, for lack of a better word. His clothing is rumpled, stained in places, and Peter could smell him before he even opened the door. There’s a distinct scent of body odour around him, and it’s really unpleasant.

Throughout the entirety of their very short interview, Kyle keeps rubbing his nose and sniffing. He declines any tissues offered to him, and he eats all the remaining brownies. The only thing he asks about are the rules regarding inviting people over, having parties, and if Peter is a cop. Kyle asks about that three times, and then asks if Peter has friends in the police force, or if there’s a strong police presence in the neighbourhood. 

Peter doesn’t need his spidey-senses to pick up all the red flags that Kyle is putting down.

The moment Kyle leaves, Peter opens the windows and sprays the whole place down with air freshener because his head is actually starting to hurt and Hawaiian Aloha is the lesser of two evils right now. Kyle’s name goes straight on the NO list.

He starts baking the second tray of brownies, because Taylor is supposed to be here for one-thirty and it wouldn’t be fair not to have brownies out for them too.

When they first reached out to him, Taylor was sure to include that they were non-binary and their pronouns were they/them. Peter is fine with that and has no problem with gender identity, expression, or sexuality. He spends half his time in a spandex bodysuit that leaves nothing to the imagination. It’s really hard to judge anyone when that’s his favourite pastime.

Taylor buzzes to be let in about five minutes late, which isn’t a problem. They do, however, take forever to get upstairs. There’s only one elevator, so sometimes people need to wait for it, but this is… Did they get lost? Get off at the wrong floor? Leave entirely? 

Peter is considering going to look for them, but then he hears the elevator doors open. It still takes way too long for someone to finally knock at his door. When he opens it, Taylor has their head down and they’re staring at their phone, typing away at it.

“Hi, you must be Taylor?”

He gets a nod in answer, but Taylor doesn’t actually look up. They do take a few slow steps into the apartment, but that’s about all the greeting Peter gets. It really sets the tone for the rest of the interview. While Taylor is put together well enough, they have no questions for Peter and only give him one word answers if he asks any of his own. The only time they actually look up from their phone is to quickly glance around the bedroom before going right back to their phone again.

Taylor’s name goes at the top of the MAYBE list once they leave, taking a brownie for the road. Yes, he’s looking for a roommate and not a friend, but some socializing would be nice. He did like them better than Catherine, though, so that’s something.

His fifth interview is with a mid-twenties man named Ezekiel, who was very adamant in his email that he would not accept being called Zeke. He shows up at half past two right on the dot, smiling and pleasant. He’s wearing khakis and a button up, and has a firm handshake. Nothing about him puts Peter’s spidey-senses on alert, which means he’s probably not a serial killer in disguise.

After a few minutes of light conversation, with questions asked on both sides, they start on the apartment tour. Ezekiel glances around the living room a few times, before pointedly checking the walls within view of the living room. 

Frowning, he turns to Peter. “Where’s your cross?”

Peter’s stomach sinks. “I - uh - I don’t have one?”

Ezekiel tuts quietly and turns away to start checking cupboard space in the kitchen. “We can remedy that. I have plenty, and we will absolutely need one in each room. Including yours.”

His stomach sinks even further. “Actually-”

“Do you say Grace before every meal?” Ezekiel talks right over him. “How often do you pray?”

Oh no. Peter had such high hopes for Ezekiel, and this is… Now, he has nothing against organized religion. It wasn’t something he mentioned in the ad because he didn’t feel it necessary. Most people he’s met that follow some kind of religion don’t make a point to push it on him, so he’s perfectly okay with anyone practicing whatever they want. But this - this is starting to make him a little uncomfortable.

“No, I don’t pray and I don’t say Grace.”

Ezekiel gives him a hard look before brushing past him to take a look at the bathroom. “Well, we can remedy that easily. Of course, you’ll be required to come to Church with me on Sundays.”

Dammit, Ezekiel. You were doing so well . “I’m sorry, but I’m not religious. I won’t-”

“We can fix that.” Ezekiel ducks out of the bathroom to look at the bedroom. “I’m sure you would make a wonderful Christian.”

Peter doesn’t feel like he needs any fixing, and he really wishes that this wasn’t happening. “Actually, Ezekiel, I’m Jewish on my Mother’s side, thanks. And since you’ve put all your cards on the table, I think it’s only fair I do the same. What are your views on sexuality?”

Ezekiel’s back goes straight and he turns to face Peter with narrowed eyes and a very disapproving turn to his mouth. Peter doesn’t wait to hear his answer, because he suspects that he might know and it makes him really sad. “Because, you see, I’m bisexual. I think it’s really important for both of us to know right now if there would be a problem if I ever happened to bring a boyfriend over.”

Sure enough, Ezekiel pales slightly before he flushes red. He has a brief moment where he opens and closes his mouth like a fish a few times, and then he starts ranting . Peter has never actually been subjected to this kind of rant before, but he’s seen videos. He’s heard stories. And he really does not like being told that his very existence is an affront to God.

They’re still tits deep in the rant when Peter just walks over to the door and opens it up, gesturing out it with a sweep of his other hand. “I think we’re done here, Ezekiel. Thank you for coming and I’ll email you with my decision later.”

“Don’t bother.” Ezekiel literally turns his nose up as he practically stomps out of the apartment. “I’m not interested in living with a sinner .”

Peter bites his tongue so hard . He wants to say so badly that Ezekiel is the kind of Christian that gives Christians a bad name, but he doesn’t. No, he’s going to turn the other cheek, and he doesn’t even slam the door, no matter how much he wants to.

Aunt May gets a text message about that particular appointment, and a summary of the other four, because now he’s angry and he needs to vent. Ezekiel goes right under Kyle on the NO list, and Peter doesn’t even feel slightly bad about that. He does, however, angrily eat three of the eleven brownies still on the plate, and he paces around the apartment to burn off the energy.

At least his sixth interview comes on time, and she’s actually really nice. Annabelle is in her early thirties, has some funky hair colours going on, and she starts talking the moment she’s in the door. Now, Peter can be pretty chatty himself, even outside of the Spider-Man suit. In the suit, he’s confident enough to let his sassy-flag fly. The Spider-Man personality can come out sometimes when the energy in the room is good and he’s feeling confident.

Annabelle… is so much more . She’s one hundred percent a gossip, and there’s a small part of Peter that kind of loves that. He gets her life story in the first five minutes of meeting her, and has heard everything going on in her family by the time she leaves. Seriously. Cousin Jessie is cheating on his wife with her sister and everyone knows except for the wife and no one knows what to do about it.

Her interview takes the longest. She’s there for fifty of the sixty minutes, and Peter’s seventh appointment is supposed to be here soon - which is the only thing that gets her to leave, actually. Peter’s brain feels like it’s melting out of his ears and he is so socially exhausted by the time she’s on her way out. If Taylor wasn’t enough, Annabelle is too much .

“Hey, sorry I didn’t ask this before, but what do you do for a living?” Peter is honestly curious, because he can only think of a handful of careers where being this chatty would be a good thing.

Annabelle laughs and whips a card out of her purse. “I’m a hairdresser, sweetie. You should totally come by! I think your curls would look great with some highlights.” She gives him a wink before ducking out into the hall. “See ya, honey!”

Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Peter does keep her card, and he puts her at the top of his MAYBE list. She was really nice, and seemed pretty down to Earth in that she was wearing sweatpants, an oversized t-shirt knotted at the waist, and flip flops. Annabelle definitely seemed like she would be completely comfortable with him wearing just his underwear to go to the bathroom in the morning, particularly because she grew up in the Midwest with six older brothers. And she did make it a point to say that she’s pretty lax and comfortable with a lot of things. Heck, she would probably be comfortable walking around in her underwear too, which Peter wouldn’t have a problem with.

But she’s… very chatty. It’s literally her only downside, so, yeah. Top of the MAYBE list. 

Peter only has one more interview to go. Depending on that, it’s most likely that he’ll be picking Annabelle since Zachary still hasn’t gotten back to him and he’s really not holding out much hope for that.

The thing is, Peter needs to make a decision today. While he could afford the full rent on his own for a month, maybe two, he would really prefer to have someone move in for the first of next month. His savings account and student loans would really appreciate not having to shoulder the whole rent.

After six interviews, some much worse than others, Peter doesn’t really have high hopes for the seventh. His last one is with a guy in his mid-thirties who went full alliteration with his name. Wade Winston Wilson . Hilarious. And that’s coming from someone named Peter Benjamin Parker .

Now, there were a few questions sent out by email to everyone who first responded to his Craigslist ad. Everyone answered him, but Wade had the longest most rambling response of them all. Surprisingly, even more than Annabelle, who didn’t give off a chatty air over text. At least Peter learned a lot about him before they’ve even met.

Thanks to the crazy long email (and yes, Peter did read it thoroughly), Wade is approaching his mid-thirties and he’s ex-military. He’s currently doing contract work after having been dishonourably discharged from the special forces for refusing to follow orders regarding some pretty messed up stuff they wanted him to do. Yeah, Wade didn’t sugarcoat much in his email.

Peter is also aware that Wade had been injured in the line of duty with some very lasting repercussions. Scars. He meant it left him very heavily scarred. Wade quite literally said that people often call him a freak because of it all and that he would completely understand if Peter was uncomfortable with his - and this is a direct quote - Freddy Krueger mug . 

The whole thing may or may not have been a bid for a pity vote, but either way… Peter will reserve judgement until he actually meets Wade. Also, he made sure to point out that he has no issues with scars and that he would see Wade at four o’clock on Saturday.

Given how much information Wade dumped on him in the email, Peter is still a bit shocked when he opens the door and finds himself face to back-of-the-head with an infant strapped in a papoose against a broad chest . Said broad chest is straining against being contained within a Spider-Man t-shirt that may or may not be one size too small. Peter stares at a bald and small and so very squishy head, and tries very hard to remember if Wade mentioned anything about a baby .

And then he looks up, and up, and wow .

Scarring? Yes. Cheekbones to die for? Absolutely. A jaw that slays? Definitely. Blue eyes with a twinkle of mischief? God yes.

If Peter isn’t already blushing, then he will be in a moment.

“H-hi.” Aw crap, his voice cracked. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hi. You must be… Wade?”

“Actually, the baby is Wade. I’m Ellie. Nice t’meet’cha, Pete.” Wade’s voice sounds like he’s smoked a pack of cigarettes every day since he was born. It’s rough and deep, and Peter is definitely blushing now. 

If anything, that makes Wade’s grin grow even more, stretching the red and raw looking scars that cover his whole head, down his neck, and even over the hand that he offers to Peter to shake. Wade definitely understated his scarring in the email. Not that Peter minds. Like, at all. He doesn’t mind either that Wade is bald and doesn’t have eyebrows. It all looks like a painful mess, but it weirdly works for him.

Peter’s gone dumb in the brain, because it takes forever for him to realize that he’s supposed to shake the hand being offered to him. He can see what Wade meant about how people would stare, but Peter definitely wouldn’t say that he’s a freak about it, though. Wade has a really nice smile with straight, white teeth. And those muscles? God, he’s got muscles for days . 

Being Spider-Man keeps Peter pretty fit, but he’s not overtly muscular. He’s more like a swimmer or runner than… than the Adonis physique that Wade has going on. It’s like he’s got enough muscles for three people. The baby strapped to his chest is literally dwarfed by him.

When Wade takes his hand back, he brings it up to rub over the back of his head. “So, uh, I know I didn’t mention a baby in our emails. But, in my defense, I wasn’t aware I was having a kid when I first responded to your ad.”

Out of courtesy, and a decent dose of curiosity, Peter steps out of the way and gestures for Wade to come in. He shuffles in, shoulders hunched like he’s nervous as he glances around, taking in the bathroom to the left of them, the open door into the master bedroom angled next to it, and the living room in front of them. Peter knows the moment Wade zeroes in on the plate of remaining brownies. 

“Take a seat and help yourself.” 

Peter sits on the coffee table, offering the chair to Wade, which he takes. He shrugs a Hello Kitty backpack off one massive shoulder and slowly lowers himself into the chair, one hand cupped carefully around the baby’s head. Once he’s settled, Wade starts stroking her back. She’s sound asleep though, and the softest smile in the history of the universe flits across Wade’s face as he looks down at her.

“So,” Peter starts quietly, picking up the plate of brownies. “A baby, huh?”

“Yeah, a baby.” Wade sighs and rubs his other hand over his face. He suddenly looks ten years older and much more tired than he did a few moments ago. “Listen, Pete, I’ll totally understand if you tell me to get lost. It’s a fucked up situation for me to show up with an unexpected baby. I get it. I kinda – Okay, listen.” He drops his hand and sits forward a little. “I don’t wanna chit-chat your ear off and waste your time if the baby is a deal breaker. You can tell me right now, and I’ll get out of your stupidly fluffy hair to go look into the other options I’ve lined up.”

There’s really only one thing that Peter hears in all that, and he reaches up to touch his hair a little self-consciously. “Is my hair really that fluffy? I tried to tame it…” But mask hair is a thing and he is cursed by it.

“I wanna touch it so bad .” Wade groans quietly, and then laughs at the flush that fills Peter’s face. He’s got that stupid little twinkle in his eye again, and Peter is very certain that if they end up living together, that twinkle is going to be the end of him. 

But then Wade is sitting back again. “Anyway, like I was saying –”

Oh, yeah. Right. There were other words said that weren’t about his hair. 

Peter waves his hand between them like he’s clearing the air. “Don’t worry about it. The baby isn’t a deal breaker, Wade.” Which is kind of surprising, because it’s definitely not what he signed up for, but maybe he’s not speaking with his upstairs brain right now. “I’d liked to hear the story of how you didn’t know you had a baby, and how that changed in the four days since you first contacted me.”

Wait.

He does some incredibly basic math in his head and then blinks down at the baby. “Is… Hold on. Is she less than four days old?”

“Yup!” Wade puffs up with pride a bit, and grins down at the fuzz covering the crown of her head. “Born two days ago and healthy as a hog, just like her papa. They didn’t even need to keep her the whole day!” He pats her on the butt, and then pauses. “Well, I mean, hopefully she’s not as healthy as me . Rampant cancer is not something I would wish on her or anyone but my worst enemies.” 

At the shocked expression that crosses Peter’s face, Wade shrugs. “Don’t worry about it. I’m – uh – cured. Yeah, let’s go with that.”

Peter shakes his head slowly. “I have… so many questions.”

“And I have so many answers! Ain’t that a co-in-ki-dink?” Wade chuckles to himself before reaching for one of the brownies. He takes a bite and speaks through chewing, which is just a tad on the disgusting side, but Peter is from New York and he’s Spider-Man. He’s seen a lot worse. “Baby ain’t a deal breaker, huh? That’s great to hear.”

Another big bite polishes off the brownie. “Yeah, so, long story short. I knocked up Ellie’s birth giver and had no clue about it because she kinda just stopped taking my calls. I haven’t seen her in a while, so I figured it was just that she got sick of this whole mess.” Wade gestures at his face and gives Peter a fairly self-deprecating smile. “But then she called me up, demanding I meet her at the hospital the other day. I figured maybe she was dying or something, but I sure as shit wasn’t expecting her to be pregnant . She said the baby was mine and that I’d better pay for the hospital bills. Which… Fair.”

This all sounds really suspicious to Peter. Maybe it’s the cynic in him from being a born and bred New Yorker, or maybe it’s from all his time as Spider-Man, but there’s a part of him that finds this hard to believe. It would really suck for Wade to be played like this.

“Are you sure the baby is yours, though?”

“Without a doubt, Petey.” Wade drags a finger over Ellie’s head. “In my line of work, I’ve got a few contacts that can get some testing done toot-suite. It’s confirmed, one hundred percent, that she’s mine.” He looks down at her again, and he just kind of melts back into the recliner. “Even if she wasn’t, I would have paid for Carm’s bills anyways. She’s the only person who could stomach touching me after this.” Again, he gestures at his face. “So, I wasn’t gonna bite the hand that feeds my needs, if’n you know what I mean. I just… wasn’t expecting her to pop out a kiddo. Definitely didn’t expect both of us getting kicked out of the room before Ellie’s even been checked by the doc. Carm was basically screaming at us that she never wants to see either of us again.”

At that, Wade sags slightly. He can’t take his eyes, or his hand, off Ellie. Cupping her closer to his chest and stroking a thumb over her back. “So, there y’have it, Pete. I literally did not know I was gonna be a dad when I emailed you. I was just looking for a change of scenery since my current roomie is moving into assisted living and I’m not too keen on living all on my lonesome.”

Okay, that makes sense. Things can change on a dime, and Peter understands that. He’s also a little concerned for Wade in other regards. “Did… Carm, was it? Did she actually give up her parental rights?”

“Not a clue.” Wade shrugs. “We skedaddled as soon as Carm started shouting that she wanted nothing to do with us. I wasn’t gonna let some of the first things my baby heard be about how much her birth giver didn’t want her, so I didn’t stick around for much else.”

That… doesn’t sit right with Peter. “You might want to get a lawyer to look into parental rights. I’m no expert on it or anything, but I’m pretty sure it skews heavily in favour of unwed mothers.”

Wade stares at him, hard, for a solid minute before nodding. “Smart thinkin’, Petey-pie. I’ve only had this baby for a day, but if anything happened to her, I’d kill everyone in this city and then myself.” He chuckles to himself as he pulls a phone out of the pocket of his jean jacket and starts typing away at it. “I’ve got blind justice on retainer. I’ll get him to start looking – hah! – into that for me.”

Peter isn’t exactly sure what any of that really means, but okay.

Honestly, he’s not crazy about the idea of living with a baby, but he’s not completely against the idea either. And if he can give a very obvious tweaker a tour, he can give a single new father one too. 

He stands up and offers a hand to help Wade out of the recliner. “Well, good luck with that. Would you like to see the rest of the apartment now?”

“You sure?” Wade looks up from his phone with a bit of surprise. “I know you said the baby isn’t a deal breaker, but –”

“Everyone gets a tour, and I'll make my decision afterwards.” Peter shrugs and wiggles his fingers a little. “And feel free to finish the brownies, if you want to. You’re the last of my interviews and I’ve had way too many of them myself.”

“Well, don’t mind if I do!” Wade picks up the plate with one hand and takes Peter’s hand with the other. 

It takes a little bit of effort to look like he’s struggling with hauling Wade’s bulk up onto his feet. In truth, Peter could literally juggle Wade and a city bus without breaking a sweat. But he must do a good enough job of it, because Wade seems none the wiser once he’s standing and wolfing down another brownie.

They start with the kitchen. Wade doesn’t go poking around in the cupboards, but he does give it a once over. “A bit small, but I could work with this. I’m a decent enough cook, y’know? I don’t do it often, coz’ who has the time, but now that I’m more or less retired, I plan to give Ellie lots of home cooked meals.” He pauses in using his hand to measure the width of the oven. “I know I’m not supposed to bribe you, but you should know that I’m practically Scrooge McDuck when it comes to swimming in money.”

“You literally sent me copies of your bank account balances.” Peter rolls his eyes and tries not to smile, but fails horribly at it. “I think I have a decent grasp of your financial situation.”

An understatement, really. Wade could afford to get a swanky condo and live in it comfortably for the rest of his days, according to the literal bank statements he forwarded to Peter in their first email correspondence. He really does have just a truly absurd amount of money. Peter didn’t want to pry about how or why, but he figures it must have been some kind of settlement for whatever happened to Wade before he was dishonorably discharged.

“Great!” Wade stands up and faces him with a grin. “Then you should also know that I’d totally be willing to pick up the whole grocery bill for everyone. And I would totally cook you meals too. I’m best at Mexican recipes since I’ve spent a decent amount of time down there after I was discharged, but I’m open and willing to learn your favourite recipes and other cuisines.” 

Peter covers his nose when he snorts his way into a bout of giggles. “Wow, you’re really trying to butter me up here, aren’t you?”

“I am not above bribery and trying to sweeten the deal now that there’s an unexpected baby in the mix. Definitely not what’s happening. No sirree.” Wade gives him wide, innocent eyes, and Peter snorts again. 

Honestly, Wade has probably been the easiest to talk to so far. He’s chatty, but not to Annabelle’s extent where Peter could barely get a word in edgewise. Even though they’ve only known each other for barely ten minutes at this point, Peter is definitely enjoying Wade’s company. Baby notwithstanding, Wade is currently sitting pretty as the only person in Peter’s YES column.

As they move from the kitchen to giving the living room a proper viewing, the conversation falls into discussing what kind of furniture would fit best in the space. Apparently, Wade has a massive TV at his current place that he’ll be taking with him when he moves, because his blind roomie prefers her radio. Peter gets a rundown of basically every Ikea product ever made, because Wade loves it (“It’s economical and it looks good, Petey!”) and knows exactly what would fit best where.

Once again, Wade isn’t afraid to use his money as incentive. Peter is very, very tempted to choose him just for that, as Wade offers to foot the bill for replacing what furniture Trent took with him when he moved out. Honestly, Peter does like the idea of having a big sectional couch instead of a loveseat.

Naturally, that leads into a lengthy and very in depth conversation about the kinds of shows, movies, and games they’re into. Peter doesn’t even realize they spend most of it standing in the middle of the living room animatedly talking it over. Their tastes in pop culture knowledge are pretty much in line with each other – though Wade is, quite frankly, appalled that Peter hasn’t seen more than a handful of Golden Girls episodes.

“I’m sorry, Pete, but I’m going to have to work it into our roommate agreement (if you accept me, of course) that we have to binge the entire series.” Wade shakes his head sadly, like he’s disappointed in Peter for this grievous oversight. “Don’t worry, though. I have a box set of DVDs. We can make a weekend of it.”

Peter considers it as he finally leads the way to the bathroom. “I could live with that if you promise to make me some of that infamous Mexican food you’re so proud of.”

“Deal!”

They even shake on it. Looking back, that’s probably the point where Peter first really started thinking about Wade and Ellie being his new roommates.

The bathroom itself isn’t exactly small , but it really does just fit a toilet, sink, and tub. Wade looks larger than life when he steps into it, poking around to check out the shower head and storage space under the sink. Peter is particularly proud of the system he set up when he was living with Trent, and he makes a point of explaining it. 

There are labeled baskets from the dollar store under the sink. In the tub, there are separate shelves in both back corners of the tub. One has Peter’s supplies already on it, and the other is empty, ready and waiting for his next roommate’s stuff. Above the sink but under the mirror are wall-mounted holders with colour coordinated cups, and Peter’s toothbrush and toothpaste are sitting in the blue one that has always been his. The other is red, and Trent left it behind because Peter is the one who bought it.

“In my personal space, it’s organized chaos. In shared spaces, I like to keep things simple and separate.” Peter pulls one of his baskets out from under the sink, showing how his deodorants, pack of disposable razors, and shaving cream are neatly divided up in it. “If you move in and find that you need more room for baby supplies like diapers, creams, cleansers and whatever, I would be fine with moving this stuff to my bedroom and keeping it in a caddy or something.” 

That’s because Peter isn’t a monster and he is firmly of the belief that a baby’s needs trump his own in this kind of situation. It certainly wouldn’t be any skin off his nose.

It’s not until Wade is looking at the bedroom and making a frame with his index fingers and thumbs to try and envision where things would go when Peter realizes that they’ve basically been talking and acting like Wade is moving in. It’s not something he did with anyone else that he interviewed today. 

While he’s struck dumb by this realization, Wade is busy multitasking. He’s putting together a mental map of furniture while going over the information that Peter had provided previously about laundry, rent, the security deposit, and so forth. It’s all the normal kind of stuff one would expect to talk about during a roommate interview, but there’s more involved that no one else bothered to ask. 

For instance, Wade quizzes Peter about the best taco joint nearby, or how often he sees Spider-Man around. It’s common knowledge that Queens is a fairly safe neighbourhood because it’s more or less one of Spider-Man’s main haunts. Peter is maybe a little bit surprised, and flattered, when Wade admits that Spider-Man is a good sixty percent of the reason that he originally wanted to move to Queens.

“Yeah, he’s kinda my favourite superhero.” Wade ducks his head, like he’s embarrassed to admit it. “Well, he’s tied with Captain America, I guess, but it’s hard to beat out the guy I’ve been looking up to since I was a kid, and the whole reason I joined the army in the first place.”

Actually, that’s really high praise to be tied with Captain America for anything. Peter very nearly blushes, again. For the umpteenth time. Because Wade apparently has super powers when it comes to making Peter Parker blush.

Wade launches back into how having Spider-Man frequent the area makes him feel a lot more confident in Ellie’s safety too, and now he’s more determined than ever to move to Queens. Peter is… not against being the one to give him that opportunity. The more he thinks about it, the more certain he is that he could live with a baby. 

And, the way he figures it, a new baby daddy is going to be really distracted with taking care of his kid. Probably so busy that he won’t notice too much that Peter keeps odd hours sometimes. Even less likely to notice that he’ll be rooming with Spider-Man.

Speaking of babies, Ellie wakes up just as they’re moving back into the living room. She starts squirming and fussing, and Peter goes straight into babysitter mode without a second thought. He gets Wade settled into the chair, and he clears the coffee table because he can smell why she’s woken up, and he knows that Wade is going to need a space to get her sorted out. 

While Wade gets Ellie out of the papoose, Peter fetches a few towels from his bedroom closet. He lays those out on the table as a kind of cushion while Wade mumbles apologies (showing those Canadian roots he mentioned) and fumbles with getting a changing mat out of the Hello Kitty backpack. Wade gets her settled and then starts dumping all manner of diapers and wipes out of the bag. 

There’s a general panic to his motions, and Peter has to remind himself that it was only a few days ago that Wade didn’t have a baby in his life. He’s probably not as mentally prepared as most expectant fathers are.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. You don’t need to rush for this.” Peter touches Wade’s shoulder and he freezes as Peter drops down to kneel next to him. “Do you need a hand? I’ve changed a fair few diapers in my time.”

“No, no. I can do this. She’s already had a couple number twos that weren’t real number twos because it’s the gunk that – Never mind. You don’t need to know all that.” Wade shakes his head and then looks down at where Ellie is starting to go red in the face, teetering on the verge of crying. “I binge watched How To videos on YouTube and I think I might have the hang of this? Maybe?”

Wade doesn’t sound too sure of himself, and Peter rolls up his metaphorical sleeves. “Take a deep breath.” Peter waits for him to do it. “Now breathe out.” They exhale together. “Good. Feeling a little calmer now?” Wade nods and Peter smiles back. “Great. I’ll supervise, and you just do your thing. You’ve got this.”

He stays kneeling off to one side while Wade carefully unbuttons Ellie’s onesie. It’s just a simple, plain solid coloured thing that Peter suspects probably came from the hospital or was something Wade grabbed quickly at Walmart when getting supplies. Peter is kind of impressed by how incredibly gentle Wade is as he rolls her onesie up and out of the way, given that one hand is almost bigger than his baby.

In his Hello Kitty bag of tricks, Wade also has a plastic bag, and he shakes it out. Peter offers to hold it, and he holds his breath as Wade dumps the soiled diaper into it, along with all the baby wipes that he uses to clean her up. As soon as the last one is in, Peter ties it off quickly, but the smell persists. They’re definitely going to need to open a window, just to air the place out a bit.

Instead of putting a new diaper on her, Wade pulls an honest-to-God notebook out of his backpack and flips it open. There are charts and notes drawn inside, and he quickly jots down the time and date, plus what the contents of the diaper were like. And then he checks some of his notes. 

When he catches Peter staring, Wade ducks his head and closes the notebook quickly to tuck it right into the backpack again. “Sometimes I don’t have the greatest memory, and I don’t wanna miss or forget something important, y’know?” He clears his throat and straightens his shoulders a bit. “I’m – uh – supposed to give her something called air time because it’s not good for newborns to be in a diaper 24/7. The site I found suggested something like six to eight hours of air time if I’m at home, but at least fifteen to twenty minutes to dry during a diaper change.”

Peter hums quietly to himself as he gets to his feet, understanding what What is asking without actually putting the words into a question format. “When was the last time you gave her a bottle?”

“Few hours ago?”

“Sounds good.” He turns to head for the door. “Why don’t you give her some air time while you feed her? Do you use the microwave to warm it up, or a pot of water? We should have everything you need in the kitchen.”

Wade keeps a hand on Ellie as he turns to watch Peter go. “I don’t wanna impose, Petey. I can give her airtime back at Al’s place.”

“Don’t worry about it. Mi casa es su casa, and all that jazz. Literally.” Peter waves his hand over his shoulder and steps out into the hall. “I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna chuck this right now since you don’t have a diaper genie or anything yet.”

He catches Wade nodding along before he steps out of sight of the door. And then there’s a quiet, confused. “Wait, what?”

Maybe Peter wasn’t supposed to hear that, but he figures he’s still close enough that a normal person would have caught it. He leans back into view with a grin. “Oh, yeah, I guess I forgot to say it, huh? Congrats, Wade. You and Ellie are in.”

Wade still just blinks at him, too surprised for a proper reaction. “Seriously?”

“Seriously!” Peter grins, gives him a thumbs up, and then ducks away again. 

He’s only a few feet down the hall towards the garbage chute when Wade starts whooping. It’s quiet, and Peter probably wouldn’t have heard it if he weren’t a mutate, but he still grins as he eavesdrops. He can hear Wade clapping, and excitedly telling Ellie about how lucky they are that their new roomie is so nice. When Wade points out what a bonus it is that Peter is hot too, he almost catches his fingers in the chute’s springy door because he definitely shouldn’t have heard that. A blush fills his face, and Peter decides to slow his steps on the way back, if only to try and get it under control before he faces his new roommates again.

FIRST WEEK OF APRIL

Peter almost cancels having Wade move in on the first of the month, if only because it’s April Fool’s Day and he’s got so much trauma from school about it. Flash always made a point of pulling pranks on him – No. It was straight up bullying, and Peter loathed every minute of it. 

He makes it a point of informing his coworkers every year that he absolutely does not participate or appreciate having pranks pulled on him on April Fool’s Day, and thus far they’ve respected his boundaries. Also Tony makes company wide notices every day in the week leading up to it and on the day of that pranking in the labs is strictly forbidden given how many things can go wrong. 

But Wade and Ellie move in on the first of the month with no problems at all, despite Peter even having taken the day off so he could be there to help out if needed. He doesn’t need to even mention anything about the rent, because Wade already took care of that. The deposit and his half of the rent were paid ahead of time to the landlord, and Peter didn’t even have to arrange getting the money and making the transfer himself like he did with Trent.

A moving company shows up at ten o’clock in the morning, and they carry in all manner of brand new furniture. It’s a good thing that Peter had the foresight of moving the coffee table into his bedroom and dragging the recliner into the kitchen to keep everything out of the way while things are set up, because the first thing they bring in is a big sectional couch that has Peter drooling .

There’s a high chance that he’s going to get very spoiled living with Wade, because that couch looks plush . Yeah, it’s a little too big for the space, but who cares? Peter is pretty sure both of them could lay comfortably on it at the same time without touching. He could get used to this kind of pampering. Trent had a shitty little loveseat, and that was always his seat. Which is why Peter had to get the recliner for himself if he wanted to have somewhere comfortable to sit in the living room.

Wade wasn’t kidding about the size of the TV either. It gets put on the floor and a few boxes of Ikea packages are laid out in the space where the coffee table would go. Peter foresees an evening of putting furniture together with Wade, and he’s kind of looking forward to it. Wade made it sound so fun when he talked about his enthusiastic love for Ikea.

Next comes all the bedroom furniture. Some of it will need to be put together, but the movers leave it more or less where Wade tells them to. He spends the time directing with Ellie strapped to his chest. She’s asleep most of the time, and watching quietly the rest. Clearly one of the calmest babies that Peter has ever met.

The first thing they put together is, obviously, the crib in the bedroom so Wade has somewhere safe to put Ellie while they’re working. Next up, the changing table which also doubles as a dresser where Wade focuses on unpacking the things he has for Ellie into it – like her diapers, cleaning supplies, and the few other things he’s had time to buy.

They chat the whole time they put everything together, Wade asking a lot of questions about Peter’s background and vice versa. Peter starts out following Wade’s lead because he doesn’t really have much experience putting together Ikea furniture, and then quickly has to take over because Wade barely looks at the instructions. It gets Peter’s nerves all up in arms when, more than once, they accidentally use the wrong screw, or put a piece in the wrong place and have to undo it.

Any bickering that starts up verges on sarcastic, but still playful. Nothing that would make Peter regret having chosen Wade as his new roommate. Peter has never felt so much like Spider-Man while outside of the suit than when he’s with Wade. Normally he feels too self-conscious to be as sassy as he can be as Spider-Man, but there’s just something about Wade and his personality that makes it so easy to relax and let loose a little.

It’s exactly thirty-seven hours after Wade has officially moved in before Peter feels the need to help out with Ellie. Despite what happened during the interview, they both agreed on move-in day that things to do with Ellie are not Peter’s problem and he isn’t expected to help out. Peter was open to helping out in an emergency situation, but most anything Ellie related is Wade’s problem. 

That said, when Peter lets himself in through his bedroom window at three in the morning, he already knows that Wade is having a rough night. He could hear Ellie crying from the roof, and apparently tonight is the first night where he’s going to need to use the ear plugs Wade gave him when he moved in. 

Peter changes quickly into his pajamas and stashes his suit in the false bottom of one of the drawers under his bed. He gets into bed without using the earplugs, just to see if he can manage to sleep without them. Lord knows that he’s managed to sleep through worse than a crying baby, if only from passing out from exhaustion and years of learning to deal with his heightened senses.

He lasts a solid two minutes before he’s getting out of bed again. It’s not to search for the ear plugs, and it’s not because of Ellie’s crying. It’s because there’s someone else crying too, and Peter’s heart wants to break from how defeated Wade sounds. He’s crying so quietly, but it’s the whispering that does it.

“I don’t know what to do to make this better, baby.” Wade hiccups as he paces, the soft sound of his footsteps still loud to Peter’s ears. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I don’t know what to do. Please stop crying.”

Aunt May raised Peter better than this. Even if this is Wade’s circus and Ellie isn’t Peter’s monkey, he really can’t stand by and let both of them suffer. If there’s anything he can help with, he’ll do it.

He pads out of his bedroom in space themed pajama bottoms with a matching t-shirt that is just a little too big on him. Wade’s door is closed, and Peter knocks lightly against it. “Wade?”

The door opens a moment later, and Wade blinks at him, tears streaking down his face. “I’m so sorry, Petey. We woke you, huh? What a fine first impression we’re making.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Peter rubs at one of his eyes and swallows down a yawn. “Is everything okay?”

Wade bites his lip, clearly hesitant to want to bother Peter with anything. He caves pretty quickly though, and his whole body sags. “I gave her a bottle, but she won’t burp. The book said that it’s pretty normal, but now she’s getting all fussy with me and I dunno what’s wrong. D’you think it’s gas?” He rubs at Ellies’ back where she’s held against his shoulder. “I mean, I get it. I’m hella cranky when I’m fit to burst too. But I don’t –” At this, his face crumples and he hiccups again. “I dunno what to do, Petey.”

“Okay.” Peter muffles another yawn under his hand, not even having to pretend that he’s sleepy. “Can you show me what you’re doing?”

Wade looks briefly confused before turning back into the room. He picks up his pacing again, showing the gentle bounce that he adds to it while patting her butt. Peter sees the problem immediately and ruffles a hand through his hair.

“Gimme a sec.”

Ignoring Wade’s general sound of confusion, Peter steps away and into the bathroom to quickly wash his hands. He dries them on a towel and then on his shirt as he heads back into Wade’s room. Without asking, Peter takes the burp towel off Wade's shoulder and throws it over his own.

“Let me try.” He holds out his hands expectantly, fully ready to either be told off or to actually be allowed to help out.

There is a moment of hesitation, but then Wade gently passes Ellie between them. Peter uses the corner of the towel to clean her face of spit and snot just a bit, hushing her quietly. Wade hovers around him, watching closely as Peter leans her against his shoulder. He cups his hand, holding it out for Wade to see how he does it, and then he starts gently patting Ellie on the back. Not on the butt.

Wade set up a rocking chair in front of the door and at the end of the changing table. Peter settles into that and rocks slowly as he hums softly. There’s no particular song he uses, but in his experience, babies like the noise. Sure enough, Ellie’s tears start to slow. Wade sits on the edge of the bed, watching closely, and he even gasps when she gives a little burp a few minutes later.

“Holy shit, you did it.” He’s on his feet an instant later, scooting around behind Peter to check for spit up and using the towel to clean her face.

Peter waves him away again, and Wade retreats back to the bed. He just watches, completely silent but tense like he’s absorbing everything he’s seeing. It’s fine, and Peter just closes his eyes and continues rocking and humming until she falls asleep sometime later. According to the clock on Wade’s bedside table, it’s only been ten minutes, but it feels like an hour to Peter. 

As carefully as he can, Peter gets up and transfers Ellie to the crib. The used burping towel goes straight into a hamper under one of the windows, and Peter almost feels bad for Wade and how many times he’s going to have to hoof it down the street to the laundromat. Kids go through a lot of clothes. Melissa complains all the time about how often she has to wash for her boys, and they’re well out of toddler age. 

But that’s for Wade to figure out. He’s currently on sabbatical from his contract work, so he has all the time in the world to learn how to juggle baby care and laundry. Depending on Peter’s schedule, he might offer to help out. Knowing him, and if tonight is any kind of example, he probably won’t be able to just stand by. 

The thing is, Wade hasn’t had nine months to do all the research, take the parenting classes, or read all the books. He’s learning it all the hard way. Well, sort of. To Wade’s credit, he does have a stack of parenting books on the bedside table. The one on the top is flagged with little sticky notes, and his tracking journal is next to it. 

Peter kind of finds it really cute how hard Wade is trying. 

Wade is staring up at him like he’s some kind of god. Peter just smiles at him. “Cup the hand and pat the back. Humming and rocking works pretty well with most kids, but you’ll find what works best with her.” He muffles a yawn again and starts for the door. “I’ve got a trick for making her pass gas from the other end, or if she’s constipated, but I’ll show you that another day.”

“You’re a goddamn baby whisperer, Pete.” 

“More like I’ve just got a lot of experience babysitting kids - babies included.” Peter stretches his arms above his head and heads for the door. “I’m gonna go back to bed, but don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. I’m happy to share what I know.” 

A quiet, sincere “Thanks, Petey.” follows him out.

*

To his credit, Wade doesn’t ask him for help again until a few days later. Now that they’re getting settled into their home, Ellie’s starting to prove she’s her father’s daughter. She’s a squirmy newborn, and Peter is pretty sure she’ll be chock full of energy when she gets older.

Today, Wade is struggling with attempting to swaddle her on the sofa. “Baby, could you please just let me wrap you?”

He sure has managed to perfect a quiet, whining tone. It’s too adorable for a man his size, or a voice that deep. Peter can’t help smiling to himself while he’s putting the finishing touches on their breakfast sandwiches, Ellie having finished her morning bottle, burp, and change. He looks over his shoulder to try and see what the problem might be, and sure enough, he picks it out right away.

As Peter predicted, Wade has definitely hit the stores and things for Ellie are multiplying by the day. The space under the coffee table is now occupied by homey-looking wicker baskets lined with fabric and filled with things that are almost all for her. It’s mostly things that Wade might need to grab quickly, like a few toys, spare binkies, and many, many blankets. 

With the last of the dishes put away, Peter dries his hands on his pants and heads over to check the blanket basket. When he doesn’t find what he needs there, he checks out the drawers in the changing table. Normally he would never go into his roommate’s bedroom without their permission, but Wade has given Peter carte blanche if it’s because he needs to get something for Ellie. 

The best swaddling blankets are kept there, and Peter grabs one of those. He brings it back to Wade and offers it. “She’ll get too hot with that one, and it’s way too small for swaddling. Try this one.”

Wade gives him a grateful smile, and then proceeds to try and swaddle her with one of the worst techniques that Peter has ever seen. He rolls his lips between his teeth and waits to see if maybe Wade is just – Nope, he really hasn’t practiced swaddling, apparently. 

“Can I –?” 

“Yes please.” Wade gives a defeated sigh and scoots out of the way.

Peter shows him how to do it, tucking Ellie in tight enough that she can’t move, but not so tight that she’ll be uncomfortable. She stops the squirming once she’s swaddled, and makes a soft noise. Her arms pop up as soon as Peter undoes the swaddling and steps back. “Okay, your turn!”

It takes Wade a few practice attempts before she’s bundled nicely. Wade scoops her up, cradled in both hands, with a crow of delight. “My own lil’ baby burrito! Miracle worker Peter to the rescue again!” 

Snorting, Peter fetches their sandwiches as Wade takes another blanket to make a U-shape on the couch next to him. He puts Burrito-Ellie in the U-shape, which keeps her from being able to rock-and-roll herself off the couch while he’s eating. 

They turn on Saturday morning cartoons and settle down to power through their sandwiches. It’s more entertaining than it has any right to be, as they ruthlessly comment about the differences in current Saturday morning cartoons versus what they grew up with. It’s an excellent start to their day.

SECOND WEEK OF APRIL

“ Mr. Parker. ”

Peter almost jumps out of his skin when JARVIS speaks to him while he’s alone in the elevator. He knows of JARVIS as Spider-Man, but never actually interacted with him as Peter Parker. So, being spoken to as Peter Parker scares him half to death, because if anyone is going to recognize him as Spider-Man, it’s JARVIS. And he has tried so hard to keep his identity a secret while working in the one place where the A.I. most likely to figure him out has full control of the building.

Swallowing thickly, Peter looks up at where he imagines the camera (or speaker) would be. “Y-yeah? I mean, yes, Mr. JARVIS, sir?”

“ Mr. Stark would like to speak with you. ”

And with that very ominous line, the floor number that Peter had selected blinks out and the penthouse lights up.

This is… not good . Peter is currently a low level peon in the biochemistry department. He’s only met Tony outside of the Spider-Man mask once, and that was when he got the Stark Scholarship to ESU. It came with a photo-op where they shook hands, but Tony was so busy that he only stuck around long enough to give him a single word of congratulations before he was hopping back into his limo and taking off to do whatever it is that billionaires do.

Peter is sweating through his sweater vest by the time the doors open on the top floor. He trips over his own two feet more than once as he follows JARVIS’s instructions to Tony’s lab. There’s so much tech in that room that Peter would normally be drooling over it, if he wasn’t on the verge of having a heart attack. He can’t even find it in himself to be interested in yet another iteration of the Iron Man suit currently spread out on a table in front of where Tony is working. 

Tony glances up at him and smiles. “Heya, Pete. Glad you could join me.” He kicks a rolling stool out from under the table and in Peter’s direction. “Take a seat.”

Peter sits down, hugs his satchel bag to his chest, and tries very hard not to wet himself. He stares at Tony, waiting for whatever scenario is about to unfold. Either he’s about to get fired because Spider-Man makes him tardy sometimes, or he’s possibly going to be promoted for all the good work that he does, or Tony is about to –

“So, Spider-Man, there’s something we need to discuss.”

Ah, so it’s that particular brand of nightmare today.

Peter knows he’s caught, but he still makes the token effort to pretend he has no idea what Tony is talking about. “I’m – Sorry, what, sir? I’m not –”

“The cat’s already out of the bag, kid.” Tony gives him a rueful grin and gestures with a tool that Peter doesn’t even recognize. “I knew who you were the moment you first stepped through the doors. JARVIS can read biorhythms, compare height and weight, and you do know that you give off just a scooch of radiation, right?” Before Peter can say anything, Tony steamrolls onward. “I wasn’t ever planning on letting you know that I know, but then SHIELD reached out to me with some information, and I just couldn’t sit by and not say something.”

Oh God. SHIELD is involved with this somehow? Do they know who he is too? Damn it. He’d been so careful about never involving himself with SHIELD. This is – Peter opens and closes his mouth a few times before settling on a kind of choked squeak.

Tony honest-to-God laughs . “I promise you that I haven’t told a soul who you are, and I plan on keeping that for as long as you need me to. Your business is yours, and mine is mine.”

Spider-Man has a vaguely professional relationship with Iron Man and the Avengers. There’s a lot that they do that he doesn’t agree with, and he’s turned down joining their club so many times. Primarily, it’s because he didn’t want to give up his identity. So, a bit of an understatement to say that this is kind of rocking Peter’s world a little bit. 

Tony knowing his identity is definitely more upsetting than living with a baby, which isn’t upsetting at all, actually. Wade and Ellie have been a dream so far. Peter isn’t home enough to be bothered much by any crying, and Ellie is a fairly good night sleeper with just a few hiccups here or there. And Wade has definitely kept his promise to cook for him. Peter hasn’t been this well fed in, like, ever . Sorry, Aunt May.

Not only that, but Wade also cleans on top of cooking and taking care of Ellie. The apartment might actually be even more clean than when he moved in. Honestly, for all that Wade does for him, it feels more like Peter got a stay-at-home-husband instead of a roommate. And Wade does it all without Peter ever asking, though he does make it a point to thank Wade and compliment him on how nice everything looks whenever he can. 

Peter has been quiet for too long, and Tony must decide that’s good enough to keep going, because he starts talking again. “I’m sure you’re wondering what this is about, so let’s get straight to it.” He waits for Peter to nod and show that he’s listening, before continuing. “Wade Wilson.”

That makes Peter do a double take, and it shuts up all the screaming anxiety about his identity being discovered. “You know my roommate?”

“Frankly, Pete, it surprises me that you don’t.” Tony gives him an incredulous look as Peter continues to stare blankly at him. “Seriously, haven’t you ever heard of Deadpool?”

“Vaguely…?” Peter shrugs. “I think someone mentioned once that he ripped off my costume design. I’ve never met him, but he’s a mercenary, right?”

From what Peter can remember, Deadpool apparently started out in New York, but then he went world wide and hasn’t spent much time here in the last ten years or so. At least before Peter became Spider-Man. He has flitted back through the city from time to time, but he’s gone before Spider-Man hears about it. Since Peter tends to only deal with local threats, he hasn’t really bothered to keep up on any of the gossip about his murderous quasi-doppelganger.

Tony stares at him for a long moment. He sighs heavily and runs a hand over his face. “JARVIS, play the thing.”

“ Yes, sir .” 

A hologram flickers to life in the space over the table that Tony is working on. It’s a lifesize image of who Peter can only assume is supposed to be Deadpool. The costumes are pretty similar, but he wouldn’t go as far as saying they’re the same . The image rotates in the air above the table, and then flickers to one side to make room for an out-of-suit version of Deadpool. 

He’s wearing a hoodie, jeans, and a face that Peter is very familiar with. It’s the face that greets him every morning with fresh coffee, a hot breakfast, and a bagged lunch. Except the hologram’s face is twisted into a sneer and there’s a gun in Wade’s hand.

A bunch of information starts scrolling between the two 3D images, listing out things he’s done, body count, something about Weapon X and torture, and so much more. Things go by so quickly that Peter only catches bits and pieces of it, but it’s… a lot.

It takes him a moment to realize that Tony is talking again. “SHIELD likes to keep tabs on him. Recently, it seems he’s settled in New York. More specifically, the address they gave me was, surprisingly, one I already had in my system.”

“My address.” Peter feels like he’s having an out of body experience. “You called me up here to ask why I’m living with Deadpool.”

“Bingo.” Tony steps around the table to lean his hip against it. He flicks the Deadpool hologram, spinning it like a top. “So, enlighten me, Pete. Why would you, Spider-Man , be living with him ?”

“I – uh –” Peter shifts uncomfortably and looks away. “I didn’t know who he was. He was one of the better applicants to my roommate ad, despite the baby, and I clicked best with him.”

Tony continues to stare at him. “Deadpool, Peter. Deadpool. ”

“I know!” He hunches his shoulders in defense. “I’m having a really hard time putting together the guy I’ve lived with for the last few weeks and… that .” He gestures at the still scrolling list, feeling a little sick over just how much Deadpool has done.

“Wait.” Tony straightens up, eyes wide. “You said he had a baby with him? Did he steal it?”

Peter’s nose wrinkles at the thought. “No. She’s his daughter.”

“Dear God.” He pales slightly. “Deadpool procreated .”

“That’s rude.” Peter’s nerves die out in the face of insulting someone quickly becoming his best friend. “Ellie is the sweetest baby ever, and Wade’s been trying really hard to learn how to be a dad on short notice. He’s also really nice to me.” And it’s unnecessarily distressing to try and overlap Deadpool with Wade in his head. It just won’t happen.

Tony sighs heavily. “Peter –”

Oh, he knows that tone. Every adult in his life has, at one point or another, used it to lecture him. Yeah, nope. Peter can’t deal with that right now. He refuses to be lectured by Iron Man about his roommate, who is apparently Deadpool, and Peter is absolutely going to have to deal with that at some point. Either way, though, he doesn’t want Tony to lecture him about how dangerous his roommate is when, thus far, Peter has no evidence of that person.

He stands up sharply, and Tony’s mouth closes with a snap. “Speaking as Peter Parker, not Spider-Man, is my job at risk because of my roommate?” 

That seems to take Tony by surprise. He blinks several times. “What? No, of course not.”

“Then can I get back to work?” Peter jerks a thumb over his shoulder towards the door.

“Peter –”

He shakes his head to cut Tony off. “I’ll deal with Deadpool, okay?” The satchel hanging off his shoulder is feeling heavier than normal with the lunch that Wade packed for him. “Thank you for the information, Mr. Stark, and for keeping my secret. I appreciate it.” 

Without waiting for anything more, Peter turns and leaves the lab of his dreams. He makes it all the way back to the elevator without Tony stopping him. The doors even open for him, which means that Tony is willing to let him leave. Thank God. The floor is even selected for him when he steps on, so that’s a good sign.

As soon as the doors are closed, Peter gives in to a terrible nervous habit of his. He starts chewing on his thumbnail, staring hard at the changing numbers as the elevator descends. This whole thing was really unexpected, and it definitely throws a wrench in things.

Peter isn’t expecting the floor selection to change back to the lobby, and he frowns at it when he notices. JARVIS answers his question unprompted. “ I have informed Mr. Stark that your biorhythms indicate that you are perturbed by the information given. I have recommended that you be given the day off to deal with the situation, as you will be distracted from your work until you are able to speak with Mr. Wilson. ”

“Oh.. Thanks, JARVIS.”

Okay. Day off it is, then.

Peter spends the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon swinging around the city. He eats the lunch Wade made for him on top of the Brooklyn Bridge, and thinks really hard about how he’s going to broach the whole Deadpool subject at home. There’s always something about a roommate that you weren’t expecting. Normally it’s something like they have an OnlyFans or they’re secretly a Furry. World renowned mercenary is… different. It’s definitely a kink in the plans too, because mercs like Deadpool aren’t world renowned for being unobservant.

It takes him until about mid-afternoon to figure out what he’s going to do. To soften the blow of it all, Peter picks up an order of Wade’s favourites from a Mexican restaurant he’s mentioned several times. And isn’t that something? They’ve only been roommates for a few weeks, and he already knows Wade’s favourite restaurant and usual order. 

When he gets home, Peter walks in to find Wade stretched out on the couch with Ellie asleep on his chest in just a diaper. He has a hand on her back, holding her in place, and looks like he’s asleep too. Peter suspects that he isn’t, and confirms this as he turns around from hanging up his coat to find Wade watching him.

“You’re back early.” Wade muffles a yawn under one hand and starts to sit up. “Welcome home.”

“Yeah, Stark gave me the day off after we had a chat in his lab.” Peter holds up the take out bag and gestures with his chin towards the kitchen table. “Can we talk?”

Something shutters in Wade’s eyes and he tenses slightly. “Sure, just a minute.”

Cradling Ellie carefully, he gets up and heads into his bedroom. When he comes back out, the baby monitor is in his hand and he shuts the door quietly. They end up sitting on opposite sides of the small round table in their kitchen. It barely fits four chairs around it. Peter divvies up the food, but Wade doesn’t touch it. 

Wade stares down at the table for a long time before looking up at Peter. He takes a deep breath. “Tin Can told you who I am, eh?”

“I did not expect my day to start with my boss telling me that my roommate is a mercenary.” 

“ Retired mercenary!” Wade leans forward sharply, voice hard but honest. “The moment I found out I was gonna be a dad, I quit. Ellie deserves better, and I’m not gonna put her in danger with my job, especially when she’s so smol and squishable!”

He sits back and looks down at his hands, fidgeting with the monitor. “And, I… There’s a guy I wanna meet, but he’s got some of the most uptight morals (and an ass to match) that I’ve ever seen. He’s not gonna give me the time of day if I’m all murdery and shit, so I was already starting to clean up my act before Ellie came along.” 

Peter tilts his head and raises an eyebrow as he takes a bite of his burrito. He waits for Wade to explain further, but it takes a minute. Staring him down only makes Wade squirm in place more and more. 

Eventually Wade sighs and picks up his fork to poke at the side of rice for his enchiladas. “Spider-Man.” Peter almost chokes, but Wade either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care as he keeps talking. “I’ve been avoiding New York coz’ I didn’t wanna make a bad first impression while I was still taking jobs. And, in hindsight, coz’ Carm stopped answering my calls. I came back when she called, of course, but I’ve hung up the suit now for Ellie.” He shrugs. “Maybe someday I’ll take it up again, but if I do, it’s gonna be to turn over a new leaf. The kind of leaf that Spider-Man and Ellie can be proud of.”

Finally he looks at Peter again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I completely understand if you want us to get out now because of it.”

That’s definitely something Peter had considered throughout the day. But he’s not ready to touch on that, and there’s something else very important he needs to know. “Do you have any weapons in the apartment?”

Wade’s lips thin out and he looks away; not denying it.

Peter suspected as much. “Show me.”

Truthfully, he’s a little annoyed with himself. His spidey-sense usually tips him off with a light buzz about things like this. He hasn’t had so much as a shiver while at home; not even around Wade, supposedly one of the most dangerous men in the world. Which, really, says a lot about Wade’s sincerity.

What Wade shows him is a testament to how completely unobservant Peter is. In the kitchen, Wade has a wicked looking knife taped to the underside of the utensil drawer. One of Peter’s plants now has a false bottom to its pot and Peter never even noticed that it was changed out, but it has a Glock hidden inside. There are also two katanas in hidden compartments under the couch (one under each section).

In the bathroom, there is another knife taped to the back of the toilet tank, and a gun mounted to the inside of the front paneling of the cabinet under the sink. Wade also shows him the gun safe under his bed, and the Desert Eagle in his bedside table. There are childproof locks on everything, well before Ellie has even started thinking of crawling, let alone walking. Either way, Peter is pretty sure that Wade and his muscles could brute force their way through any of it in a heartbeat.

“That’s everything I have here. The rest is in storage at a secondary location.” Wade shuts the door to the bedroom again. “I didn’t want to have too much around that Ellie might be able to get into. Oh–” He pauses on the way back to the table, only to turn around and lift the pant leg of his Hello Kitty pajama pants (a pair that Peter also has a set of his own that he’s had for years and can now never wear at home because Wade will think he’s copying him). There’s a hunting knife strapped to his calf. “I always carry a knife on me, and I bring a gun with me when I go out.”

It’s actually less than Peter was expecting. “You haven’t hidden any in my room, have you?”

“No sirree Bob! I’ve never set foot in your room, Petey, swearsies!” Wade draws an ‘x’ over his heart. “I respect a man’s man cave. Consent is sexy and I’m not gonna defile any of your caves unless you beg me to.” He adds a saucy wink that Peter rolls his eyes at and doesn’t blush over. Definitely.

“Well, SHIELD knows you live here.” Peter drops into his chair again, but he’s lost his appetite. “They told Stark and he told me.” He starts packaging up his burrito for later. “Am I going to be in any danger living with you?”

Wade deflates slightly, expression morose. “Probably a little? Ellie too. I’m not gonna sugar coat it, Pete, I’ve done a lot of bad in my life and there’s a lot of people out there who ain’t happy with me. Given that I can’t die, there ain’t much they can do that fazes me, y’know? But now that I’ve got Ellie… They wouldn’t care about going through her to get to me, and you’d just be cannon fodder to them.”

Yeah, that’s what he figured. “I really feel like this is something you should have said before we even had the interview.”

If possible, Wade crumples in on himself even more. “I know, and I’m really sorry, Pete. We’ll be out by the end of the week, and you can keep the new furniture. Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t recall saying that you had to go anywhere.” Peter shrugs and gets up again to put his burrito in the fridge. “But now it makes more sense why you wanted the safety of being in Spider-Man’s home turf, and not just to see him around.”

Wade snort-laughs in this super endearing way he has, and apparently finds his appetite as he starts eating. “Y’caught me, Pete. I’ve got diaries full of poems about Spider-Man’s ass …ets.” Peter tries very hard not to blush at that. “But, honestly, being here is like having a super sexy security blanket. It’s not really what I intended when I first answered the ad, but I’m glad it worked out this way.”

Peter muffles a snort under his hand, because Wade really has no idea (hopefully) of how well it worked out for him. 

That gets him an odd look, but it only lasts a moment. Wade swallows thickly and lowers his fork again. “So… You’re really okay with me being Deadpool?”

Oh, it’s definitely going to keep Peter up at night, and part of him thinks this is probably a terrible idea, but… That’s just par for the course when it comes to his life. 

“As long as it doesn’t come back to bite any of us in the ass…” At that, Peter knocks on the wood of the table. “I can live with it.”

Wade’s bright grin is worth the decision, honestly. He’s terrible about talking with his mouth full, and launches into gushing about how thankful he is to have met Peter. It does wonders for Peter’s ego, of course, but it’s tempered by the realization that he’s going to need to be even more careful with his Spider-Man activities going forward.

THIRD WEEK OF APRIL

Aunt May has been playing it scarce at the apartment because she wanted to let Peter’s new roommate(s) settle in before adding visiting relatives to the mix. Normally they alternate where they have their Sunday dinner, but the last two Sunday dinners have been at her place to give Wade and Ellie a chance to adjust. While that’s nice of her, Peter is now a bit on the fence about letting her meet Wade. If only because of the whole Deadpool thing. 

But, after three weeks, Aunt May doesn’t give him a say in the matter. 

Peter is in the midst of preparing to go to her house when the elevator down the hall dings and a moment later he gets a Pavlovian response to the tantalizing scent of homemade cherry pie that wafts ahead of the squeaky wheel on her folding cart. 

Heightened senses are great for cherry pie. For stinky diapers? Not so much.

He goes to open the door for her before she can even knock. Wade looks up and freezes in place where he’s kneeling on the floor with Ellie on her play blanket. He had been cycling her legs while making funny faces at her in another desperate attempt to make her laugh. She’s not even a month old yet, and Wade himself said the books say the earliest babies start laughing is around twelve weeks. But he’s convinced that Ellie is going to be a genius MENSA kid and one of those miracles that will start doing everything super early. 

Peter doesn't have the heart to be realistic, and he supports Wade’s dreams. He also thinks it’s adorable. But that’s not the issue at hand right now. The issue is that May is here, and giving him that grin that just dares him to challenge her.

He has to make a token effort anyway. “I thought we were having dinner at your place.” Peter would never not let her in, so he still kisses her on the cheek and takes the little cart from her as she walks in.

“That was the plan, yes.” May shrugs out of her coat and hangs it on the rack. “But you haven’t gone this long not introducing me to someone since you dated Johnny, so I thought I’d take matters into my own hands for the moment.”

Oh God, not this again. Peter groans. “I didn’t date Johnny.”

“Who’s Johnny?” Because of course that would get Wade’s attention.

And May can’t not answer. “Johnny Storm. The fiery one from the Fantastic Four.”

Peter groans even louder. “ May .”

Wade is on his feet with Ellie in his arms in a heartbeat. “Holy crap , Petey! You dated Johnny Storm?!”

“ I did not date Johnny Storm !” Peter throws his hands in the air before picking up the cart and all but stomping into the kitchen to unpack the ingredients for what looks like a simple meal of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans. “He wanted me to take pictures of him like I used to for Spider-Man. We hung out a few times for photo shoots, and that was it.”

In actuality, he’s pretty good friends with Johnny, but really only as Spider-Man. There was one point where Johnny knew both sides of him, but Doctor Strange fixed that once upon a time. Even then, they didn’t hang out much outside the suits because Johnny understood that Peter wanted to keep the two halves of his life separate. There was some mutual attraction there at one point or another, but Peter was with Mary Jane at the time, so they never acted on it. But that’s all ancient history now.

Peter turns around just in time to catch the tail end of May mouthing something to Wade, and he has a hand over his mouth to muffle his giggles. Just great. He had the sneaking suspicion that Wade and May are going to get along like a house on fire. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Peter narrows his eyes at them. “Is my woefully depressing love life and lack thereof amusing to you two?”

May shares a look with Wade before they both answer an affirmative at the same time. They haven’t even been formally introduced to each other yet, and Peter is already starting to regret this. 

He mutters quietly under his breath and runs a hand over his face. With a heavy sigh, Peter gestures between the two of them. “May, meet Wade and Ellie. Wade and Ellie, meet my Aunt May. Now be nice or neither of you is getting any dinner.”

Peter doesn’t wait for an answer. He turns around and rolls up his sleeves. There are a grand total of three recipes that he can make without disaster, and only because Aunt May insisted on making sure he knew something before he moved out. It was that or he would likely have just lived on instant noodles, frozen meals, and take out. What a coincidence that she managed to bring just the right ingredients for one of the meals he knows how to make. One might almost think that she planned it that way.

While Peter prepares dinner, Aunt May and Wade sit down and open an almost too friendly conversation to get to know one another. Unsurprisingly, Aunt May absolutely fawns over Ellie. Peter can already imagine all the knitted baby things that she’ll be making soon.

Aunt May has occasionally teased him about when he’s going to give her some grandbabies, but it’s always been in good fun. He also knows that she was heartbroken when things ended between him and Mary Jane, even though it was an amicable split despite how he had been planning on proposing they move in together, shortly followed by a ring. 

It just seemed like the next step in their relationship, since they had been going out for a few years. But Mary Jane had other plans, and she wasn’t keen on continuing to play second fiddle to Spider-Man. That was never his intention, but it’s true that’s how it turned out more than once. Their relationship wasn’t fair to her, and Peter realizes now that he was holding her back.

They’re still good friends, though. Mary Jane is living in California now, working hard at achieving her dreams. One day, she’ll be the star Peter always knew she would be. It just never would have happened with him tying her down here. There’s more to it all, of course, but they had a good talk and realized that ending things was the right decision for the both of them. 

Once their relationship ended, Peter took it as the sign he needed to get his time as Spider-Man under control. He can’t always be in the suit, and he’s not in the kind of position where he can afford to be out there all the time. Sure, he feels guilty about not being able to help everyone all the time, but that’s his own problem and he’s working on it. But he has a life that he needs to focus on too. He can’t help anyone as Spider-Man if he can’t hold down a job, or afford a roof over his head or food on the table.

Not that he’s had that problem since Wade moved in. The only time Peter usually spends money on food is when he’s getting take-out as Spider-Man. Otherwise, Wade has groceries and meal prep covered. And he’s good at it, and getting better. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to try a lot of different cuisines. Every day is a new one, and Peter hasn’t disliked any yet. 

Today, Wade is absolutely delighted to eat something Peter made (that isn’t a sandwich or soup from a can). Ellie spends the meal in her detachable stroller seat on the spare chair next to Wade. He really wants to get some kind of baby rocker-bouncer thing, but he hasn’t found one that he likes yet. 

When it comes to something for Ellie, Wade religiously combs through the reviews on every product. Price isn’t an issue, but safety and baby enjoyment is. For now, she’s resting in the stroller seat and Wade rocks it with one hand while eating with the other.

Aunt May ends up staying for hours longer than she usually does. Peter strongly suspects that it’s because of Ellie. Mostly because Ellie spends the majority of that time in Aunt May’s arms. He’s a little surprised that Wade allows it, but Wade seems absolutely tickled that Ellie is getting so much attention. Wade even lets Aunt May feed her a bottle, burp her, and everything.

They spend the evening in the living room, though it’s mostly Aunt May and Wade who do the talking. Peter is more than happy to listen with half an ear while he scrolls on his phone and drinks his after dinner coffee. The topics they cover range from discovering their shared love of the Golden Girls, to knitting and crafts. 

As it turns out, Wade is interested in learning how to knit because he wants to make Ellie things. That’s pretty sweet, and Peter’s addition to the conversation is to mention the craft store a few streets over. Of course, Aunt May promises to show Wade how to knit, and even offers up her spare needles and some yarn that she’s collected over the years, just so he can try it out.

Peter isn’t involved much in what they talk about, but he enjoys the atmosphere. Trent was always invited to Sunday dinner, but he never stuck around or came to Aunt May’s place. He was polite when she was around, but the two of them were very far from ever being friends. That’s definitely not the case between Aunt May and Wade, and Peter finds that he really likes it.

When it comes time for Aunt May to leave, it’s much too dark for her to take public transit, and she hasn’t had a car since Uncle Ben died.

“Don’t worry about it!” Wade pulls out his phone when they first realize the time. “My good buddy Dopinder is always on stand-by for me. He’s got a Taxi and can be here in a jiffy. He’ll use the Taxi as a weapon of mass destruction before he’ll let anything happen to you, so you can trust that you’ll get home nice and safe. And the ride will be on the house too!”

That doesn’t quite instill a lot of confidence in Wade’s choice of friends. But a free ride home is a free ride home, and Peter isn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Dopinder gives them a surprisingly short time frame for when he’ll arrive. Aunt May spends that time promising to see Ellie soon and telling her what a sweet baby she is. Peter packs up her cart again with all her containers (fully cleaned, thank you very much). There’s still some cherry pie left, but Aunt May insisted they keep the leftovers, so he’ll return the pie plate to her next Sunday.

Peter, of course, walks Aunt May down to the Taxi, because he’s a gracious nephew. Also, because he changed into his suit and has it hidden under a truly hideous tracksuit that he has officially dubbed his jogging outfit . Wade has mocked it on more than one occasion, if only because it looks like it’s straight out of the 80’s (which it is, and Peter got it for a good price at a thrift store ages ago).

While Dopinder loads her cart in the trunk, Peter gives Aunt May a kiss on the cheek and helps her into the cab. “I’ll get the supplies for dinner next week, okay?”

“Yes, yes, whatever you say.” She pats him on the cheek as he’s bent over to look at her through the window. “That’s a good roommate you have there, you know. I suppose I have two idiot nephews to worry about now, hm?”

Some might think it insulting, but idiot has been an affectionate term between the two of them for a long time. Peter uses it with far less frequency than Aunt May, but that’s because he really is still a dummy trying to figure out how to be an adult. The whole thing started a long time ago, and Peter groans now because of it.

“I accidentally set the toaster on fire one time , May. When I was fifteen .”

“And I’ll never let you forget it, Peter.” She pats him once more, and then pinches his cheek lightly. “But you’re my little idiot.”

Peter rolls his eyes, but accepts one more pat on the cheek before he steps away from the Taxi. He steps back from the curb with a wave, and turns to jog in the other direction. Wade has expressed not liking that Peter jogs this late at night, or for so long. Of course, Peter wasn’t willing to stop, so Wade has since forced him to carry mace with him wherever he goes. It’s a small price to pay, in the long run.

As soon as he’s out of sight of the apartment building, Peter ducks into an alley. In the more than ten years that he’s been Spider-Man, he’s more or less perfected getting undressed in record time. He strips out of his tracksuit, puts on the mask and gloves, and webs his clothing under a wall mounted AC unit high up enough that no one is liable to find it before he’s back. It took a lot of years of losing his stuff around the city before he learned the optimal places to stash his things.

It only takes him a minute to find Dopinder’s Taxi once he’s airborne again. Peter takes to the rooftops and follows at a distance, just to make sure she gets home safely. Aunt May knows what’s up, and she gives him a little wave from her apartment window once she’s safe inside. He does a little flip off the roof for her before swinging away, set on doing a little patrol of the city before he has to head back in a reasonable timeframe for a jog.

*

As Peter suspected would happen, the following Sunday has Aunt May showing up on their doorstep again regardless of it being her turn to host dinner. Regardless of any lack of relation, Aunt May has apparently thrown the rotation plan out the window in light of a baby being in the apartment now, and Peter really can’t fault her for that

She also has a massive knitting bag hanging off her arm, and a stack of knitting design magazines for Wade. He is over the moon with the Spider-Man themed baby blanket that has Ellie’s name knitted into the web pattern in a very Charlotte’s Web way. She also has a knitted beanie with a yarn-based hair style reminiscent of Dorothy from the Golden Girls, with the promise that she’s going to knit three more for the rest of the characters. How she was able to make both in just a week is beyond Peter’s understanding, but Wade is, for lack of a better word, ecstatic .

It’s barely even four weeks into knowing each other, and it’s already beginning to be a problem with how cute Peter thinks Wade is.

START OF JUNE (2 MONTHS)

Midday on a Saturday, in the first week of June, finds Peter out and about as Spider-Man. Wade thinks he’s out with friends, but little does he know… Peter has no friends who live here. Mary Jane is in California, Harry is in a fancy asylum with little to no memory of Peter Parker (again, thank you Doctor Strange), and Gwen is… Well, she’s here, and Peter still visits her from time to time to tell her how things are going, but she can’t quite talk back. 

And then there are the superhero friends. Of course, none of them are people that Peter actually hangs out with, let alone ever out of the suit. They’re just people he gets along well with whenever they need to team up. Johnny Storm is probably the closest he has to an actual friend .

Actually, at the moment, Wade might really be Peter’s best friend, and he has no problem with that. In fact, when he spots Wade out with Ellie for an afternoon walk, Peter can’t help doing something a little special for them. Especially because he’s still feeling full from the absolute spread that Wade made for breakfast this morning. 

Ellie is strapped into her stroller and it’s set up today with her facing Wade. The stroller seat can be mounted forwards or backwards or even used as a car seat. Apparently the stroller is so tricked out (seriously, it costs more than Peter’s half of the rent) that it can also be used for toddlers when she outgrows the seat. Needless to say, Peter is terrified of touching it and somehow breaking it.

Wade keeps making faces at Ellie, so it’s no surprise that he doesn’t notice Spider-Man swinging by until a group of nearby tourists squeal. Peter can hear Wade’s gasp of surprise as he drops onto a lamp across the street. He bites his lip to keep from laughing, and makes a show of glancing around casually. He gives a few waves to the people who are most excited to see him before he drops down to street level and ducks into a bodega to grab himself a bottle of water.

It’s a hot day, and Peter likes to stay hydrated. He’s stopped a few robberies here over the years, and the owners always try to insist that he takes his drink for free. Peter still tries to give them the fiver that he keeps in the secret pocket on his wrist, but most of the time they refuse. It usually culminates with Peter secretly webbing the money to the back of the fridge for them to find later on.

By the time Peter steps outside again, Wade has Ellie out of her carrier. She’s fast asleep, head tucked against Wade’s chest, but he’s enthusiastically waving to get Spider-Man’s attention. Peter waves back, of course, and then muffles a snort of a laugh under his hand when Wade carefully holds Ellie up to show off the Spider-Man beanie that Wade painstakingly knit under Aunt May’s supervision over the last few weeks.

The beanie is actually too big and floppy for Ellie’s head, but Peter still loves it. He gives Wade a double thumbs up, which earns a squeal of delight. Peter webs himself away before he can be approached by a group of tourists excitedly making their way towards him. He doesn’t want to run the risk of being stuck signing autographs and taking pictures long enough for Wade to come over, hear his voice or notice any of his mannerisms, and recognize him.

On the bright side, it seems like Wade wasn’t lying when he said that Spider-Man is one of his favourite superheroes. And that puts a big ol’ smile on Peter’s face for the rest of his patrol that day.

MID JULY (3 MONTHS)

Living with Wade has been teaching Peter a whole lot of things. For instance; Daddy/Daughter classes for single fathers are, apparently, an actual thing , and Wade has absolutely signed up for them. They’re to help Ellie get socialized while also teaching Wade a lot about parenting techniques and all that jazz. Peter thinks it’s absolutely great . The classes really have helped Wade find his confidence in his standing as a new father.

Also, and this is completely a him thing and nothing that Peter will ever share with anyone, but he’s really been enjoying hearing Wade’s stories about the classes when they have dinner together. Wade is just so passionate about anything involving Ellie, and something about the light in his eyes and the enthusiasm he puts into everything is just… really attractive to Peter. So, again, not telling anyone about that. Ever.

Another thing that Peter finds charming is that Wade pretty much lives in the papoose that he has for Ellie. Even when they’re out with the stroller, Wade brings the papoose with him because he adores having Ellie on his chest like that. It’s probably the cutest thing that Peter has ever seen.

Seriously, there will be times that Peter comes home from work, or from Spider-Man time, and Wade will be swaying his hips around the living room while vacuuming. He’ll have one hand on Ellie’s back where she’s snuggled against his chest in her papoose, either sleeping or doing that baby thing where she’s just watching everything in her limited range of view. 

Ellie is three months old now, and Peter has the strong feeling that the papoose is going to play a significant part in her life until she’s able to tell Wade “No.”

In the three months since Wade moved in, he has occasionally gone out without Ellie. The company that runs the Daddy/Daughter classes also offers daycare services. Wade will drop her off for a few hours every once in a while to run errands. 

Since Peter is technically not supposed to be involved with Ellie-related things, he’s not always kept in the loop about her location. He understands, of course, but a warm little ball of light fills his chest whenever Wade texts him something simple like; Petey! Ellie is bumpin elbows wit baby buddies & im @ the feed store (get it cuz were animals??) u want nething???

His texting style is abhorrent, but it’s just so Wade that Peter can’t complain. Especially because he actually does like being kept in the loop. It wasn’t a part of their roommate agreement for Peter to be involved in anything regarding Ellie. Wade insisted on it, even. And yet, Peter is the one listed as an emergency contact at the daycare. May too, if both Wade and Peter can’t be reached.

In Wade’s defense, the whole emergency contact situation came about because Wade doesn’t really have anyone else that he could have asked. He doesn’t have any family, and he has very few friends. Plenty of acquaintances, though. But not a single one of them, according to Wade, would be someone that he would trust with his baby girl. (“Well, except maybe Domino, but she makes me pay her when I ask, and she’s a smug shithead about it. So, I don’t want to give her the chance to lord it over me like she would.”)

And that is why Peter isn’t surprised when he gets a panicked phone call from Wade on a sunshiny Wednesday afternoon in the middle of July. The call goes to the Bluetooth wired into Peter’s mask, because he’s on a break from work (with Tony’s approval) to deal with some jerk who thought it would be a good idea to try and blow up the Queensboro bridge. 

The bomber didn’t have a name, not that he introduced himself or anything when Spider-Man arrived on the scene, but he’s been ranting the whole time that Peter has been webbing him up; going on and on about how there aren’t enough bridges in the city and they won’t focus on building new ones until someone has to make a statement about the poor flow of traffic. Peter doesn’t disagree, but high explosives during rush hour is not the way to do it.

His Bluetooth system in his mask picks up the call immediately for certain pre-programed numbers, and Wade’s voice comes screeching through. “ PeterPeterPeterPeterPeter! ”

“Hi, Wade. You sound stressed.” Peter tries not to grunt as a stray kick gets in him in the thigh. He makes sure to burrito the bomber up a little more than he normally would. “What’s up?”

“ I’m in Manhattan and Queensboro isn’t moving and I’m freaking the fuck out, Petey. ”

Peter makes sure to web the bomber’s mouth shut too, mostly because he doesn’t want Wade to potentially hear him. “Yeah, I heard about it on the news. Something about bombs on the bridge. Are you okay?”

“ I’m snug as a bug in a rug in the back of this cab, but that’s not my problem, Petey. I only booked daycare until three because I thought I’d be back in time .” 

Judging by the complaining in the background from what sounds like a very Italian man, Peter gets the impression that Wade has been harassing the poor cabby in a very Wade-like way. 

“ I would’ve been on time if it wasn’t for Bomb Voyage (Peter snorts at the reference to the Incredibles, and is a little mad he didn’t think of it himself) being a jackweed, and it’s going to be a mark on my record with the daycare if I don’t pick Ellie up on time! ”

Right, yes. And they have a ‘ three strikes and you’re out’ policy. Peter knows that too well, especially since he went over the rules of the daycare with Wade, and they have a copy of them posted on the fridge at home. Wade sometimes has a memory problem from being shot in the head too many times, and he keeps reminders and notes on his phone, and around the apartment to help him. Of course Peter doesn’t mind.

“ And I dunno what I’m supposed to do , Petey! Should I call the daycare? They didn’t tell me about a policy regarding supervillain delays which is just dumb because it’s New York and there’s a supervillain on every damn corner. It’s getting fucking annoying, Petey, I swear. When Ellie’s old enough, I might just pick up the swords again to go kick some ass with Spidey. I gotta make sure my baby’s safe, y’know, and –”

And he’s getting distracted by tangents, which is a very Wade thing. After three months together, Peter has gotten surprisingly good at reading between the lines. He already knows what Wade is leading up to, and he decides to cut to the chase and save them both (and that poor cabby).

“Do you want me to pick her up? I can leave work early. It’s fine.” Especially because it will probably be a while before traffic starts moving again. Bomb Voyage (still funny) actually did manage to blow up some parts of the streets. Not the bridge specifically, but he was very liberal with his grenades while Peter was trying to stop him.

At this point, Wade would probably make better time just getting out of the cab and walking the rest of the way. Though, God knows what he bought in Manhattan and if he’ll be able to carry it all without getting mugged. And any mugger who even thinks of mugging Wade has bigger balls than any villain Peter has ever fought. If anything, Wade probably bought that baby rocker thing he’s been eyeing that costs more than what Peter makes in a month.

Wade takes a moment to respond, and his voice is small when he does. “ I don’t wanna impose, Petey. I’ll - I should’ve just called the daycare first. I’ll do that. I’m sure it’ll be okay. ”

“Don’t worry about it.” Peter grabs Bomb Voyage and swings off towards the police blockade at the end of the bridge. “Seriously. I can make it in time, and I’ll get here.”

“ Are you sure…? ”

Grinning, Peter drops Bomb Voyage in front of the cops and gives them a bit of a salute as he swings his body to alter course, heading back towards where he left his personal effects. “Absolutely, Wade. I’m leaving right now. I’m authorized to pick her up, right?”

“ Yeah, yes, of course. ” The relief in Wade’s voice is palpable. “ Just show your ID and have ‘em call me if needed. Thank you so much, Petey. I know this isn’t what you signed up for, but I- ”

“Wade, you gotta stop apologizing for that.” Peter, for the life of him, can’t stop smiling and he doesn’t entirely know why. “I’m offering to help you. I know when to put down boundaries, and you haven’t crossed any yet, okay? Breathe. Relax. And accept the fact that you have the perfect roommate.”

There’s a long stretch of silence that follows that. It’s enough time for Peter to land on the roof, scoop up his bag, and start swinging again in the direction of the day care.

Finally, Wade thanks him again, very quietly. He always gets soft spoken when he’s being sincere like that. Peter thinks it’s because Wade isn’t very used to having people doing nice things for him. Which, in turn, makes Peter vaguely want to hurt whoever made him feel like that in the first place. 

“Anytime, Wade. I’ll see you at home.”

“ I’m gonna make your favourite dinner tonight. ”

Peter laughs, loud and bright as he does a neat little flip to his swing when he spots some kids watching him from the sidewalk. “I’m not going to talk you out of that! See ya later, Wade.”

“ Bye, Petey! ”

*

Thanks to traffic, Wade gets home nearly two hours later than planned. By that point, Peter has not only changed Ellie’s diaper, and fed her a bottle, but he’s also tracked both in Wade’s little journal. My Little Pony is playing on the TV, because for some reason that knocks Ellie out like nothing else. She’s fast asleep on his chest, burped and satisfied, and Peter rubs her back absentmindedly with his eyes closed while fully reclined in his chair. He’s on the verge of dozing, he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to get up and put her down in her crib to take a proper nap himself.

Some part of him registers that the front door opens, but it doesn’t really click that Wade is home until Peter opens his eyes. Wade is standing over him, his expression so achingly soft and smiling like he’s looking at the most precious thing in the world. He has his phone in his hand, and Peter has the sneaking suspicion that he might’ve taken a picture. If it was anyone else, Peter would be annoyed. With Wade… He doesn’t mind at all.

Peter smiles, lopsided and sleepy. “Welcome home.”

“You’re a gem , Petey.” Wade leans forward to scoop Ellie off his chest. 

If she wasn’t his baby, Peter would be half-tempted to wave Wade away, because he was pretty comfortable. He allows it, still smiling as Wade kisses the top of her head gently. She huffs and squirms a little until she’s comfortable against his shoulder. Wade takes her away to the bedroom, and Peter closes his eyes again. By the time Wade makes it out with the monitor, Peter has succumbed to the doze gods and fallen asleep.

It’s just a by-product of being Spider-Man, actually. Peter always snags a nap whenever and wherever he can. Would he have liked to get up and help Wade cook? Yes, he would have. But… he conks out instead and doesn’t feel all that bad about it when he wakes up a while later with a blanket tucked carefully around him and dinner ready.

Peter is… way happier with that than he probably should be. He gets up, and that happy feeling only grows with the cheeky grin Wade throws at him from where he’s plating their meals.

MID AUGUST (4 MONTHS)

Peter has been home and asleep for roughly an hour when he wakes up to Ellie screaming . Normally she’s pretty good at sleeping through the night. At most, she’ll whimper and that gets Wade out of bed immediately to take care of her.

Honestly, though, sometimes Peter thinks Wade doesn’t sleep at night for how quickly he’s up to take care of Ellie. Not long after he moved in, Wade made it a point to say that he’s a light sleeper because of his training in the military. Peter hasn’t had a reason not to believe him, because he’s not yet been able to sneak up on Wade while he’s napping on the couch. And that’s saying something, given he’s Spider-Man and all.

It’s been long enough living together for Peter to know that’s Ellie’s hangry scream and not something worse. She must be really hungry to jump straight to screaming. Sure enough, there’s a thump of Wade falling out of bed moments after Peter wakes up, followed by the sounds of hushing her quietly. 

Peter muffles a yawn into the pillow and rolls over, checking the time on his phone. His eyes catch on the date, and some spark of memory somewhere in the back of his mind reminds him that it’s the wee hours of Saturday morning and, in a surprising turn of events, Wade actually has plans for breakfast with Al and Domino and Peter promised to babysit Ellie so he could have some time apart from her - which the books recommend and Wade has been hesitant about doing.

Groaning quietly to himself, Peter slips out of bed and heads out into the kitchen to get started on preparing a bottle for her. It takes Wade a little longer to come out of his bedroom with Ellie, but that’s probably because he likely checked her diaper and all that first. The screaming has stopped, and Ellie is noisily sucking on a binky, sniffling and whining around it.

Wade stops dead in his tracks when he sees Peter in the kitchen. “Shit, Petey, did we wake you again?”

“Mhmm.” Peter plucks the bottle out of the warm formula dispenser that Wade insisted he needed, because microwaves don’t heat evenly, and boiling water and heating a bottle that way takes too long. He turns around and holds his arms out for Ellie. “Give her here. I’ll feed her.”

“Pete…”

“You have breakfast plans and you need a good night’s rest to actually enjoy hanging out with your friends.” He makes grabby hands at the baby. “I can nap while she’s napping, so gimme.”

Wade stands there for a long moment, just staring at him. It’s long enough for Peter’s anxiety to kick in and wonder if it’s not that he’s up to feed the baby, but that maybe he’s dressed inappropriately? Shit. What did he wear to bed? He glances down at himself to find standard issue gray pajama pants, and a NASA t-shirt that hangs a little bit off one shoulder. Peter also double checks to make sure he didn’t leave his web shooters on, or the Spider-Man boots. Nope, nothing out of the ordinary there.

Finally, after entirely too long by Peter’s standards, Wade sighs. “You’re somethin’ else, Petey.” He sidles closer and passes Ellie to him carefully, burp blanket and all. “I’m the luckiest house husband in the world.”

“I think the term is house spouse now.” Peter rolls his eyes as he steps around Wade to lower himself into the recliner. He settles with her in the crook of his arm, pops the binky out of her mouth, and she latches onto the bottle with a single minded focus. “Honestly, Wade, you keep the place clean and you feed me all the time. Plus, you buy all the food and refuse to let me pay you my half. All while you’re the only one footing the costs for your kid. Helping you out with Ellie occasionally really is literally the least I could do.”

The words are barely out of his mouth before there’s a hand on his head. Peter tenses, slightly, and looks up without tilting his head back. Wade has that incredibly fond look on his face again, and he runs his hand through Peter’s hair just once before he freezes too, eyes going wide when he realizes what he’s doing. He jerks his hand back, taking a step away.

“Just - uh - You can pop her in the crib when she’s settled again, ‘kay? Or - or gimme a call. I’ll be - I mean, I’ll totally wake up the moment you step in the room, but that’s fine. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat.” Neither one of them turned on any lights, so Peter can’t tell if Wade’s blushing, but he’s sure acting like he is. Wade clears his throat loudly, runs a hand over his head, scratches at the back of his neck, and scuttles another few feet backwards. “Which, when you think about it, is kind of an odd expression? You know that it originated because a race or a fight was started by either dropping a hat, or sweeping it through the air? Like the race girls with their little flags or kerchiefs? And kerchief is such a weird word . I think it-”

“Wade.” Peter can’t help a sleepy smile, but saying his name stops Wade’s rambling immediately and he closes his mouth with a click. “Go to bed.” 

“Sir, yes, sir!” Wade salutes him while clicking his heels together. He turns on a dime and basically speed walks back to his bedroom. 

The door shuts behind him, but Peter can still hear him quite clearly as he’s muttering to himself. Peter rolls his lips between his teeth, trying not to laugh or smile too widely as Wade calls himself an idiot and chastises himself for touching without permission. Understandable, really. Wade is very passionate about consent and Peter admires that about him, but he really should correct Wade in the morning.

If it’s just his hair, Peter is more than okay with Wade touching it. In fact, he really likes it when people run their hands through his hair. He would definitely let Wade do it more, if he wanted to. And not just because he’s got a Manhattan sized crush on him either.

Humming quietly to himself, Peter uses his foot to get the Lay-Z-Boy to rock slightly while Ellie makes little noises around the bottle. Her tiny hands are curled around Peter’s fingers where he’s holding it for her, and he smiles down at her. Four months old, and her dark curls are starting to come in. Big brown eyes are looking up at him, and Peter grins at the bloom of warmth that fills his chest.

END OF SEPTEMBER (6 MONTHS)

“That’s… too much money, Wade.” Peter shakes his head and mutters to himself, smiling down at his phone and the transfer notice of funds into his bank account. “I’m returning the excess, you big dork.”

Wade texted him a grocery list earlier, asking if Peter could stop and get them on his way home. Apparently something came up (he was vague about it and Peter isn’t one to press, even if curiosity is eating him alive) and he’s not able to do it himself like usual. Peter is more than happy to go, of course, given that it’s six months into their roommate situation and Wade still pays for all the groceries and does all the cooking.

The grocery list has non-food related items on it too, but all things for Wade. There’s nothing for Ellie on it, and Peter finds that just a bit weird. Maybe he just prefers buying it himself? But, it’s not like Peter doesn’t know which diapers to buy, or the brand of formula. He’s got a pretty good memory, and he’s gone shopping with Wade to get that before. Plus, he’s seen all the packaging at home. 

Part of him wants to question it, but Peter decides against it. He copies the list into his note app, and adds a few things for himself (that he’ll buy with his own money and not Wade’s) so he doesn’t forget. The elevator arrives in the meantime, doors opening, and Peter steps in without looking up. The list is actually pretty long, and it looks like he’s going to need to call Dopinder for a ride to bring it all home. 

Given some of the items on the list, Peter gets the distinct impression that Wade is planning something extravagant for the six month anniversary of him moving into the apartment. Peter has no idea exactly what he’s planning, given the ingredients, but it’s something. Which, actually… Should he be getting Wade and Ellie anniversary gifts? Or is it weird that they’re celebrating this at all? 

He definitely never celebrated anything with Trent, but Peter wasn’t half as close with him as he is with Wade. In fact, Peter is pretty sure that he’s spent more time in Wade’s company in the last six months than he did with Trent in the entire time they were roommates.

Blindly, Peter hits the button for the main floor and steps off into the unoccupied corner of the elevator. His spidey senses are tingling at the base of his neck, so he knows he’s not alone but he’s still busy making sure that he doesn’t forget he needs to get more deodorant, and probably some more mousse, oh and he can’t forget - Why isn’t the elevator moving? 

Peter glances up to confirm that he definitely selected the lobby button, and that the doors are closed. Everything looks good to him, but they’re still not moving. Before he even considers looking at the other person in the elevator, they clear their throat. 

Of course it’s Tony, already mid-eye roll. “Millenials and their phones.”

“Says the guy literally wearing nano technology.” Peter is a lot less afraid of him now that he knows that Tony knows that he’s Spider-Man. When Tony sticks his tongue out at him, Peter returns it right back. “What’s up, Tony?”

“It’s about your roommate .” 

That instantly makes Peter uneasy and he swallows against a lump that rises in his throat. “About how he’s a great dad? Because I’ve got stories out the wazoo about that. Did you know he wrote Ellie her own song? It’s terrible , but I love it. I think he’s trying to teach himself how to play the ukulele so he can have an instrumental accompaniment. At least, that’s the only reason I can think of why he came home with a ukulele last week. What-”

“Peter.” Tony interrupts him, anything playful in his countenance long gone now. “Deadpool is active again.” 

Shit.

That stops him mid rant; lips pressed together tightly. Wade said he hung up the Deadpool suit. He was adamant that he wouldn’t even consider putting it back on again until Ellie is much, much older. Peter refuses to believe that Wade would put her in any kind of danger by suiting up again while she’s so small.

Maybe something about his expression gets that across, because Tony has the good graces to add further explanation. “SHIELD reached out to him with a job and he accepted. I thought you should know, just in case he brings any of his work home with him.”

While Peter can appreciate that, he also… feels the beginning flush of anger. “I really think that’s something you should have let him tell me.” 

Would he have, though? Wade said something came up when he texted Peter to go shopping for him. No mention of SHIELD, suits, or missions. He’s probably booked Ellie into the daycare while he’s out… doing whatever it is that SHIELD asked of him. Peter doesn’t want to be worried, because he knows Deadpool can take care of himself. Not that he’s seen him in action, of course, but if the stories are any indication… Still. Peter’s… worried. Especially because Wade didn’t mention anything. He was vague . On purpose .

As if he can read Peter’s mind (God forbid ), Tony stares Peter down with one cocked eyebrow. “And if he didn’t?”

“Then it’s still none of my business. I’m his roommate, not his keeper.” Peter tries very hard not to look like he’s as hurt or angry as he feels. He puts his phone in his pocket and very purposefully presses the button for the lobby again, knowing full well that the elevator won’t move if Tony doesn’t want it to. “If he’s picking up a job for SHIELD, then he has a good reason for it.”

Hopefully.

Peter really wants to believe in Wade turning over a new leaf for Ellie, and wanting to get Spider-Man’s approval. That’s stuck with him, even though the most Wade has done when it comes to meeting Spider-Man is waving enthusiastically whenever he happens to spot him swinging by.

By the grace of God, Tony doesn’t say anything more. The elevator starts moving, and Peter stares hard at the numbers above the door. He doesn’t storm out of the elevator when they reach the lobby, but it’s a near thing and far from a casual stroll. Peter is annoyed now. Annoyed that Tony thought he could stick his nose into things where it doesn’t belong. Annoyed that Wade didn’t say something to him on his own. Annoyed that he shouldn’t be annoyed, because it’s not his place to know all the things that Wade does in his life. 

They’re roommates. Just roommates. Nothing more.

And now Peter is going to have to sit on this information and not say anything when he sees Wade. Not like he doesn’t have enough secrets to keep already.

He’s still pretty ticked off by the time he gets to Walmart. Since he’s got more than just groceries to buy, this is the best store to get all the things he needs. Peter gives in to a little bit of shopping therapy, idly pushing the cart around while he gets lost in the aisles and drifts through every section, saving the groceries for last. He lets the browsing distract him from thinking about why he’s so annoyed that Wade didn’t tell him. 

Eventually, once he’s feeling calmer, Peter finds himself in the baby section. Diapers are on sale, and he sweeps a few packages into the cart. Formula isn’t, but they can never have too much of that, so he grabs a tub of that too. And then a two pack of the brand of wipes that Wade likes to use, because why not. Peter stacks it all in the cart next to the toiletries he’s picked up for the two of them, and moves on to the next aisle. 

A wall of clothing packs meets him, and Peter leans heavily on the cart, scooting down bit by bit and checking them out. Is it weird that he knows exactly what size would fit his roommate’s baby? Maybe on some level, but Peter can’t bring himself to care when he spots a two pack of science onesies and he absolutely can’t say no to them. Wade might not appreciate the science jokes, but Peter does. 

The one on the top has the periodic elements for iodine (I) , sodium (NA), and phosporus (P) above the word ‘ periodically ’. It gives Peter a good case of the giggles, because yes, Ellie does nap periodically. The one underneath has the periodic elements for Copper (Cu) and Tellerium (Te) which is also equally fitting. Ellie is probably the most adorable baby there is and no, Peter will not take criticism on that.

One last aisle before groceries, and Peter finds himself surrounded by plush animals. Yes, absolutely, Ellie needs a new toy, no doubt about it. Peter hums and haws up one side of the aisle and down the other until he settles on an Eevee, because Pokémon are awesome. Wade might tease him for it, but he can shut up. He likes My Little Pony unironically . He has no argument.

With one quick text off to Dopinder, asking if he can get a ride home, Peter finishes up the rest of his shopping. Dopinder, sweet as always, is waiting for him out front to help load the trunk. Peter has to act like he has too many bags (and not like he can’t carry them all in one hand if he wanted to) when it comes time to bring them inside. Dopinder helps get them into the elevator, and Peter tips him well even though the ride itself was free.

To his great surprise, Peter walks into the apartment with all his bags hanging from his wrists to the sound of a baby giggling and an adult making baby talk. Specifically, Aunt May making baby talk. She’s lying on the couch with Ellie propped up against her thighs, the both of them giggling as Aunt May manipulates Ellie’s little hands into a game of pat-a-cake.

They’re not alone. Wade is sitting in the recliner, watching them play while also doing something on his laptop. From this angle, Peter catches something that looks very much like a SHIELD file - not that he should know what those look like, but their servers shouldn’t be so easy to hack if they don’t want sticky fingers finding them.

“Petey-pie!” Wade closes the laptop with a click and turns the chair to grin at him, but it’s not as big and bright as usual. “Welcome home! Let me-”

“I’ve got it.” Peter drops most of the bags, but the ones with the stuff for Ellie he tosses into Wade’s lap. “They had some stuff on sale, so I figured I’d stock up.”

Wade raises his brows at him before shuffling through the bag. The science onesies get a snort of amusement, but everything else has him looking up at Peter with stars in his eyes. Whatever hint of something that had been on his face before is now long gone. “Marry me, Petey.”

“Only if you promise to respect me in the morning.” Peter rolls his eyes, maybe a little too fondly, and hauls the last of the bags to the kitchen table. He leaves them there so he can lean over the back of the couch and drop a kiss to the top of Aunt May’s head. “Hey, what’re you doing here?”

“Wade had to do some work today.” She grins up at him as Ellie shakes her hands off and starts making grasping motions towards Peter. “I was tagged in, and he brought me over here to watch my granddaughter.” 

Peter picks Ellie up without a second thought, balancing her on his hip while she blows spit bubbles. He drops a kiss to the top of her head too before looking critically back to Aunt May. She sits up enough to show off the black t-shirt under her cardigan that has, quite clearly in big white letters, GRANDMA is my name and SPOILING is my game .

“What…?” Peter stares at the shirt for a long moment before turning to Wade. “When did you buy her that?” Because there is no doubt in Peter’s mind that the shirt is Wade’s doing. While Aunt May definitely considers Ellie her unofficial granddaughter, and Wade her unofficial son, she wouldn’t do something as blatant as this. It’s not her style. 

Wade doesn’t answer. He’s busy putting away the groceries with a very obvious pout. Peter raises his eyebrows at it, Aunt May’s shirt almost completely forgotten. Anyways, knowing Wade, it was probably a thank you gift for pinch hitting with babysitting today.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.” Peter steps up next to Wade and flicks his jutting bottom lip. “What’s with this, huh?”

“It’s not fair.” Wade hunches his shoulders and turns big, sad puppy dog eyes on Peter. “I’m the only one who didn’t get a kiss…” 

Peter’s ears grow hot in an instant. They’re bright red beacons of his embarrassment, but he still tries to hide it with an eye roll. Not letting himself stop to think (read: panic ) about it, Peter cups a hand behind Wade’s head and pulls him down enough that he can stand on his tiptoes and drop a quick kiss to the top of his head, just as he did for Aunt May and Ellie. 

“There.” Peter steps back quickly, feeling the heat in his ears start spreading into his cheeks. He adjusts how Ellie is sitting on his hip, her little hands fisted in his shirt. “Happy?”

Wade doesn’t answer. He’s staring at Peter with eyes just as wide as before, but far less pout. To be more specific, he’s staring at Peter’s lips and oh boy, that’s not something Peter is equipped to think about right now. Coughing, Peter turns away because nope . There is no way he’s going to consider anything about what that might mean. Not while he’s holding Ellie, and definitely not when Aunt May is grinning at him from over the back of the couch.

When Peter meets her eyes, Aunt May has the audacity to wiggle her eyebrows at him. He pins her with a very pointed glare as he steps up to hand Ellie back to her. The wiggles continue until Peter mouths ‘ not a word !” at her. Aunt May breaks into a wide grin and Peter stifles the urge to groan. Future sight isn’t one of his spidey powers, but he’s certain there’s going to be an embarrassing little chat to be had between the two of them some time soon.

Leaving Ellie with Aunt May, Peter turns back to help finish putting away the groceries. Wade hasn’t moved an inch, still staring at Peter. He jumps in surprise as Peter’s elbow connects with his side as he walks past, intent on putting the cold things away in the fridge. 

Peter clears his throat loudly so his voice won’t crack. “So… Supper?”

Wade jolts again. He swallows loudly and nods, being uncharacteristically silent. Peter decides not to comment on it, or Wade’s job. Instead, he asks about how everyone’s days went and tries very hard to ignore the way Wade keeps glancing at him every so often. He makes a point to not look, no matter how badly he wants to, and pretends that he’s not dying a little on the inside.

START OF OCTOBER (6 MONTHS)

Peter peels his eyes open, one at a time. Even his eyelids feel sore after having spent most of the night breaking up a drug ring. It took a while to root out every last one of them, and they were not very appreciative of his efforts - which is why Peter only crawled into bed about two hours ago, according to his alarm clock. Groaning, he rolls onto his back and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes, listening for what woke him up five hours earlier than planned. 

Pacing. He can hear pacing and hushed whispers in the living room. Wade is up and agitated, it seems, because he only paces when he’s upset. The exhausted part of Peter doesn’t want to care about whatever might be bothering Wade, but the rest of him is concerned. It’s also not his place, though, because he’s just the roommate, so Peter rolls over again, determined to try and get some more sleep before he’s supposed to get up early enough to be hopefully invited along to the Zoo today.

It’s the first time Wade is taking Ellie to the Central Park Zoo, and Peter really wants to go with them. Wade hasn’t exactly asked him to go, and Peter doesn’t want to assume he’s invited just because they tend to do almost everything else together. Especially given that it feels like Wade has been pulling back a bit since the six month anniversary last week. He’s gotten into one of his moods where he keeps saying dumb shit like how he’s disrupting Peter’s bachelor lifestyle with a baby, or how they’re just getting in the way, and all other kinds of nonsense.

What it boils down to is that Wade is being dumb, and Peter wants to wake up early enough to drop hints that he wants to go with them to the Zoo. Not just to be there for Ellie’s first time at the Zoo, but because he actually wants to spend time with the two of them outside the apartment. It’s been a while and yes , he’s aware that dropping hints is not the healthiest form of communication, but being straightforward is terrifying and he’ll leave that up to Spider-Man, thank you very much.

The pacing gets more agitated and Wade’s stressed tones get louder. Not that Peter couldn’t hear what he was saying before, but now it’s harder to tune him out. Something something, he has the baby and can’t do it today, can they delay until he can get her into daycare tomorrow? Yes, he knows it’s not a good thing to delay, but the baby . 

Peter frowns, sitting up so he can a little better, fully listening in on the last of the argument.

“ I liked you better when you were Robin Sparkles. ” A stretch of silence followed by a scandalized gasp. “ Maria Hill you take that back right this second before I decide your stupid helicarrier would look better swimming in the Hudson !”

Ah, so he’s fighting with SHIELD. Which means… They probably need Deadpool for that job Tony mentioned last week. 

Sleep is for the weak, and Peter slides out of bed, yawning and scratching at his stomach. It’s warm for early October, and he didn’t bother with a shirt last night. He also doesn’t bother putting one on as he shuffles out of his room, rubbing at his eyes and not needing to fake a yawn. “Wade?”

“Petey!” Wade stops in the midst of wearing out the floor around the coffee table. “Oh, sorry, Petey, I didn’t mean to wake you. I know you were planning on sleeping in this morning.” Which is something Peter told him to cover for how late he would be sleeping after patrol. 

Wade frowns and turns away, speaking into the phone again. “It’s my roommate. I told you about him, so don’t act - Whatever! Look at what you did. You woke him up!”

“Everything okay?” Peter ignores the ongoing argument with Ms. Hill, but he doesn’t miss the double take Wade makes.

This isn’t the first time Wade has seen him shirtless, but Wade gives him a quick once over and Peter feels it like a physical touch. What’s more surprising is that Wade hangs up the phone without another word to Ms. Hill. 

“Peter.” Wade crosses the space between them in two big steps until he’s towering over Peter. There’s only a few inches of difference in height, but something about it is setting his spidey-senses tingling because Wade is giving off dangerous vibes for the first time since he moved in. “What the fuck is that ?”

“Huh?” Peter blinks up at him, and then looks down at himself. There’s a smattering of bruises down his side from last night, which… right. He should have remembered that. “Oh, yeah. Someone got a little too pokey with their elbows on the subway the other day. It’s fine. I just bruise like a peach.” He even stretches to either side to prove it, because the bruises have already begun to fade so he can’t act like they’re still very sore. “But don’t you distract me. That sounded like an important phone call. Is everything okay?”

Wade is still frowning down at him, and one hand twitches forward, like he wants to touch. Peter has to cross his arms over his chest, trying not to feel self-conscious because of how hard Wade is staring at him. He’s fighting the urge to squirm under the weight of his gaze.

“You’re okay, though, Pete?” Wade inches closer, and Peter doesn’t move. “You’d tell me if someone was hurting you, right?”

“Of course I would.” Peter huffs and snaps his fingers in front of Wade’s face, if only to get him to stop staring at his torso. “Now focus. What was that call about?”

It still takes Wade a moment too long to answer, eyes fixed on the bruises. “SHIELD… contacted me last week for an assignment. There’s a mutant trafficking ring upstate they want my help with taking down, and they know that’s just the kind of thing that would make me put the suit back on. High-on-her-Hilltop wants to hit them in the next hour, and even promised me that it wouldn’t take the whole day.” 

Well, that does sound like something Deadpool would do. “You accepted the job, right? Then why don’t you want to do it today?”

“I’m supposed to take Ellie to the Zoo…” Wade finally looks away, but this time to stare down at their feet while he shuffles his. “It’s too late for me to sign Ellie up for daycare in time for the flight SHIELD has waiting for me, and I don’t have a babysitter to -”

“I’m literally standing right here.”

“Petey, no.” Wade shakes his head, but doesn’t lift it to meet Peter’s eyes. “We’re crimping on your bachelor lifestyle too much lately, and I wanted to give you a day away from the baby you didn’t sign up to live with. I -”

“Yeah, okay, you really need to stop doing that.” Peter reaches up to flick Wade lightly on the forehead. He claps a hand to it, gasping like Peter just slapped him instead. “If you recall, I did sign up to live with a baby when I agreed to let you move in. When have I ever shown you that I’m annoyed by living with either of you?” Peter doesn’t wait for Wade to answer, speaking over any attempt he makes. “That’s right. Never . Because I’m not . Now you go get your suit on. You go save those mutants, and I will happily watch Ellie until you’re back.”

Wade purses his lips together. “Are you sure…?”

“I’m pretty sure mutant trafficking trumps day off every single time, Wade.”

And Peter would be dropping Ellie off with Aunt May so Spider-Man could join in on it, if he didn’t already know that SHIELD has a much more… brutal – yeah, let’s go with that – way of dealing with things than him. If they’re hiring Deadpool for this mission, then it’s likely that they’re looking more along the lines of mass destruction than the finesse of Spider-Man.

While Peter doesn’t abide by killing, he’s also accepted that he can’t tell other supers (or the organizations that manage them) what to do. It’s a matter of differing opinions, and is primarily the reason why he doesn’t often work with other groups anymore. 

But Wade still looks conflicted, so Peter grabs him by the face and pulls him down until they’re eye to eye. “Repeat after me.”

“Pete…!”

“Repeat. After. Me.” Peter makes sure to put on his disapproving teacher voice, and he takes note of how still Wades goes at the sound of it. “ Peter loves having us here .”

Wade rolls his lips between his teeth for a minute, but he does as he’s told. “Peter loves having us here.”

“ I will go stop mutant trafficking today. ”

“I will go stop mutant trafficking today.” 

“Good boy!” Peter pats him on the cheek and steps back. “Now go on and get ready. I’ll watch Ellie, and we can take her to the Zoo when you get back.” Subtle hint number one.

But Wade still looks unsure, so Peter has to bully him into going back to his bedroom. “Go on, get changed!”

Once the door is shut, Peter heads to the kitchen. They have a Keurig now, because Wade insisted on getting one and taking up their precious counter space with it. Peter pops Wade’s travel mug (specially ordered with Spider-Man and Captain America stickers and covered in resin) under the spout, and gets started on making his favourite coffee.

They have a soft sided cooler for when Wade takes Ellie on a picnic, and Peter grabs that to throw some snacks in. First goes a small ice pack, followed by a pudding cup with a plastic spoon, a couple cheese strings, and two rice crispy square treats. Peter adds a reusable snack bag of baby carrots, and then makes a couple sandwiches too. One good ol’ PB&J because you can never go wrong with that (unless someone has peanut allergies), and a ham and cheese. Since Wade likes them cut into triangles (and isn’t it weird that Peter knows that?), he makes sure they’re cut properly before filling two sandwich containers with them.

Wade starts talking the moment he emerges from the bedroom. “I gave Ellie a bottle an hour ago, but you can check the book to be sure. She should be sleeping for another few hours, probably.” He stoops to fish both his katanas out from under the couch. “I should be back early, maybe mid-afternoon, if I’m lucky. They’re ready for the assault and I just gotta show up for - What’s that?”

“Breakfast” Peter brings him the zipped cooler, and his travel mug. “Eat it on the way there. You’re going to need the energy.”

The Deadpool mask is surprisingly expressive, and Peter tries not to be weirded out that he’s never actually seen Wade wear it before. There’s a choked voice behind it as Wade pulls him into a hug. “You’re the best , Petey. I ever tell you that?”

“At least once a week, but I could stand to hear it more.” Peter laughs and pats him on the back. 

“Done!” Wade hesitates briefly when he pulls back, before he takes a deep breath and presses a kiss to Peter’s cheek through the mask. In the same moment, he pushes the baby monitor into Peter’s hand, and then he’s all but sprinting for the door with a quick goodbye thrown over his shoulder. 

Peter remains standing there, in front of his bedroom door, long after he stops being able to hear the thud of Wade’s combat boots on the stairs. He drifts back to bed with his hand on his cheek, clouds under his feet, and he leaves the bedroom door open.

*

It’s shortly after three o’clock in the afternoon when Wade returns, Peter already having expected him because Wade is diligent about updating him on his location when he’s on his way home. By the time he arrives, Peter already has the stroller pulled out of the front closet, and the papoose is draped over the top of it. The backpack Wade uses as a diaper bag is stocked up and ready to go, along with another cooler full of water bottles and snacks because Zoo food is expensive .

Wade gets two steps in the door before he stops, looking at everything ready and waiting to go. Peter turns the recliner away from the TV, Ellie propped up in his lap. He doesn’t need to manipulate her to wave both arms excitedly at Wade as soon as she sees him. Her flailing is accompanied by bubble blowing and a giggling squeal. 

Peter gestures at her while smiling at Wade. “Ellie-belly says she’s ready for the Zoo, Daddy.” And yes, he does want to die after the words are out of his mouth, thank you so much for asking. But, on the bright side, Wade’s suit is only singed in a few places, and there are minimal bullet holes, so at least he didn’t get injured too badly.

“This… is officially the most confusing moment of my life.” Wade’s words aren’t much more than a squeak. He even crosses his legs and puts a hand over his heart.

“How so?” Peter tilts his head and raises his eyebrows. “We’re ready to go to the Zoo once you shower and get changed.” And he hopes Wade won’t correct him that he’s not invited.

“I’m - Okay. Yeah. I’ll go - What? Shower. Definitely.” 

Wade has a bit of an awkward waddle to his bedroom, and Peter wonders if he was injured more than can be seen. He wants to question it, but decides not to when he hears the sounds of the bits and pieces of Wade’s suit hitting the floor. A minute later, he’s coming out in nothing but his underwear and a folded towel held primly over the front of them. Peter doesn’t look any more than that, but he can hear plenty.

More specifically, even with the bathroom door closed, he can hear Wade muttering to himself while he’s getting the shower going. He’s mumbling something about how the word Daddy should be illegal and how Ellie can now never call him that . Wade also very distinctly calls Peter Parker a menace and the irony of that is not lost on Peter. He has to cover his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

Peter isn’t naïve, though. He knows exactly what Wade means, and he can hazard a guess what might be happening in that shower. They never talked about that in their roommate agreement, but Peter knows better than to bring it up now. He just turns up the volume on Miraculous Ladybug and tries not to think about how it takes Wade fifteen minutes longer to have a shower than usual.

END OF APRIL (13 MONTHS)

As soon as Peter is in the door, his favourite sound in the world greets him.

“Papi!”

Ellie is already up from her play mat and waddling her way over to him. It makes Peter’s stomach go all melty whenever she calls him that, and he can’t help but smile. Ellie is just over a year old, and Wade is positive that she’s advanced for her age. Peter is inclined to believe him.

She already has a distinction between Wade and Peter as ‘Dada’ and ‘Papi’ (all without Peter’s input) and she has various other single (or repeating) syllable words that she uses. Ellie can totter around occasionally. If she’s got something to help her up, she’s not half bad, though she’s much better at scooting about on her hands and knees. Wade did get her one of those push-walkers for kids, and she speeds around the apartment with it any time they pull it out of the closet.

Not only that, but Wade is teaching Ellie Spanish right alongside English. He’s apparently fluent in a lot of languages, but Spanish is one of his favourites (which probably has something to do with his love of Mexican food). It’s also a part of Ellie’s heritage and Wade is insistent that Ellie be brought up knowing all about it even though her bio-mom hasn’t been in the picture since day one. That’s really admirable of him, and Peter is totally willing to help. Sadly, he’s mostly learning along with Ellie, because he knows the bare minimum basics of Spanish. 

That said, Peter has absolutely heard Wade whispering to her; “That’s Papi Peter. Can you say Papi Peter?”

It’s super cute and Peter tries not to die on the daily because of it. His rogues gallery will never forgive him if what kills Spider-Man is his adorable roommate and his equally adorable daughter.

God, but Peter really does love having Wade and Ellie around. Over a year together and he can’t even imagine what his life would be like without having either of them at home anymore. As it is with any relationship (purely platonic, thank you very much) there have been rocky points (usually related to Wade having a rough mental time), but the good has always far outweighed the bad. They work through it, move on, and the next time becomes easier to handle. 

Basically, a year has taught Peter that everything Tony warned him about Deadpool was wrong. Well, not wrong . He definitely did everything he’s been accused of. But he’s not that person anymore. Yeah, there are times where Peter will sneak in after a night of Spider-Manning to hear Wade pacing around the living room talking to the set of voices in his head. Wade says they used to be around more often, and could be really mean, but having Ellie around shuts them up.

Sometimes, Wade puts on the suit and Deadpool is gone for a day on errands for SHIELD. He doesn’t tell Peter what he does because he doesn’t want to worry him with the ‘ gory details ’. Peter… actually doesn’t like it when he goes on missions. Not because Wade comes back hurt (which is still not good), but because the days following, he’s always more withdrawn. The voices are around more often after missions, and it always takes Wade a few days to snap back into the great dad that Peter knows.

Voices or no, Wade never doesn’t dote on Ellie. She’s his sun and stars, no matter what his mental state is. Just… sometimes he leans a little more on Peter than usual. And that’s okay, because he’s long accepted that Peter wants to be there for the two of them. And he would be there for them in every way, if Peter was sure that Wade liked him like that.

Which is a whole different kettle of fish that Peter likes to ignore.

“Hey, Kiddo!” Peter sweeps Ellie up into her arms as she squeals in delight.

Her dark curls are coming in wonderfully . Today’s hairstyle is a poof of hair at the top of her head, topped off with a Black Widow bow. Peter blows a raspberry against her chubby little cheek, and Ellie giggles (the best sound in the world) as she slaps at him with her little hands and squirms.

“Hi, Petey!” 

Wade calls from the kitchen, and Peter rounds the corner to find him in a skirt and tank top. It’s a warmer day, but not that warm, and Peter wasn’t prepared for so much skin and muscles to be on display. Not only that, but he’s wearing the skirt that Peter bought him for Christmas; a pleated mid-thigh length thing that he’d caught Wade eyeing up whenever they were at the mall together.

This is far from the first time that Peter has seen Wade wear it. And, without fail, every time he does, Peter feels like an ass for objectifying Wade’s thighs. Seriously. Thighs like a tree . Wade’s shoulder to waist proportions are absurd , and Peter has a problem. Especially because, today, Wade is also wearing an apron that says ‘ Not Just Sexy, But I Can Cook Too! ’ - the gift that Peter got him for his birthday. 

It both was and wasn’t a joke. Truth hidden behind a joke. Because Peter is a coward and they’ve been living together for thirteen months, and Peter still hasn’t - Nope. Not thinking about it.

What he should be thinking about is how nice it is that Wade uses the gifts he gives him. And Wade does. Often. The apron is snatched at the waist and it makes him look so good . Wade knows it too, the bastard. Which is probably why he wears it many times a week. Does he know that it does things to Peter? Things that are… unacceptable for a roommate-cum-best friend? Because yes, that is what Wade is to him. 

If someone had told Peter a year ago that his best friend would be none other than Deadpool, a reputation that vastly precedes the man, he would have called them crazy. But, here he is; eager to come home every day to hang out with two of his very short list of favourite people in the world.

Wade wipes his hands on a towel thrown over his shoulder and turns around, hip cocked out. “How was work today?”

He always asks, and Peter always has the same answer. “Do you actually want to hear the details?”

“God, no.” Wade laughs and grins at him as he slides in closer. “It’s boring as hell and full of big words I don’t feel like learning.

Without really thinking about it, Peter throws an arm around Wade’s back and pulls him in for what has become just as much a part of his welcome-home ritual as Ellie squealing for him. Wade slides an arm around Peter’s waist and ducks his head to press his forehead against the side of Peter’s head as he returns the hug. 

In the last several months, the two of them have gotten… touchy-feely. Yeah. That sounds like a good term for it. They hug multiple times a day. Occasionally there’s a safe little kiss to the side or top of the head. So on and so forth. Cuddling on the couch watching TV together? Absolutely allowed and welcomed. And Peter could not tell you how or when this started, but he loves it.

Wade steps out of the hug with a pleased little smile on his lips. “So, did you manage to figure out that thingy with the doodad that you were bitching about last week?”

“Heck yeah, I did!”

“Awesome!” Wade high fives him, and then directs Peter to the table and the waiting highchair for Ellie. “Dinner’s gonna be ready in a minute, so get the kidlet situated, wash your hands, and we can get our grub on.” 

“You can never move out.” Peter’s stomach would stage a revolution if he did. “You’ve spoiled me too much. Them’s the rules. If you leave, I’m entitled to be compensated to maintain the standard of living I’m now accustomed to.”

Wade snorts and tosses a look over his shoulder. “Yeah, right. Good luck getting rid of me. I’m like a wad of gum on the bottom of your shoe, Pete. You’re stuck with me for life .” 

A rather loud voice in the back of Peter’s head shouts: promise ?

Instead of doing anything asked of him, Peter shuffles over up and behind Wade, standing on his tip-toes to be able to see over his shoulder. He doesn’t need to look to know that Wade is making Butter Chicken. He could smell it before he got in the apartment and it’s definitely the food and not Wade that’s making him drool.

Ellie slaps at Wade’s back, her chubby little hands grabbing at the straps of his apron. Peter pries her off and steps out of reach. She turns her attention on him, big brown eyes full of fire. Somehow, it just makes her love him all the more. 

“Anything I can do to help, Wade?”

“Nah, Petey. You go settle down like a good lil’ breadwinner, and let me take care of everything.”

Peter laughs and lifts Ellie into the air, spinning slightly so she stops looking like she’s plotting how best to destroy him. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t think you’re my 1950’s housewife, Wade.”

“But I’d look damn good in a Rockabilly dress and heels.” Wade keeps stirring the sauce, but he sways his hips to make the skirt swish against his thighs. Peter definitely stares, for much longer than he probably should. 

“Y-you got me there.” Peter coughs out a laugh and turns away quickly, taking Ellie over to her highchair and plopping her in it before she can realize what he’s doing. “Can’t disagree with that.”

Wade hums in agreement, and Peter suspects he’s probably thinking of where he could possibly get an outfit like that. “But if I was a 1950’s housewife, you’d be bringing me home flowers and calling me cute pet names.”

“Duly noted, honey-bear.” 

Peter sounds like he’s joking, but he’s already making the mental note to pick up flowers on the way home next week. Even if Wade isn’t being serious right now, Peter really does think that he would love to be surprised with a bouquet every now and then. And… Well… This isn’t the first time they’ve joked about being married. 

May has been badgering Peter for months now about when he’s going to ask Wade out properly. She’s convinced that Wade won’t do it himself because of Ellie, but - It’s so daunting . Wade flirts like he breathes, but he pulls back and keeps Peter at a distance often, sometimes for no reason at all. It can’t still be about not wanting to be a bother, can it? 

But Ellie is a year old, and Peter has been here for all her firsts. He’s pointed out time and time again that he doesn’t care about this supposed bachelor lifestyle Wade seems to be convinced that he has. It’s pretty obvious by this point that Peter loves having the two of them here. And, if after a year, Wade still has it stuck in his head that they’re somehow imposing on him, Peter’s going to throw a fit. 

And… It scares him. Because if Wade doesn’t believe that Peter loves them, then maybe he’s not actually into him? Maybe the flirting really is all just playful flirting and Peter has been reading into it wrong. For a year. For a whole damn year . Either he’s an actual idiot, or - No. He’s not. He knows he’s not. Because Spider-Man also playfully flirts with people all the time, so he knows when it’s meant and when it’s not, and Wade - Wade means it. 

Right?

Hopefully? 

Damn it. Peter has never been so much like Spider-Man than when he’s with Wade. He feels so comfortable with him that the distinction between the two personalities is nil at best. Wade is one of the few people where Peter is fully himself when he’s with him, and that’s - that means something. But Peter doesn’t want to ruin things by asking Wade out and learning that Wade doesn’t see him the same way. Because if Wade isn’t serious, and if he’s uncomfortable that Peter caught feelings, he and Ellie might move out and Peter would hate that .

Ellie grips his fingers tight the moment Peter tries to step away from the highchair. She leaves him no choice but to sit down next to her as she starts babbling gibbering at him. Peter puts all morose thoughts out of his head and props his chin on his other hand, nodding along because when Ellie is talking to you, you’d better be paying attention.

“Oh really? Is that so? How interesting !” 

Responding just gets more gibberish out of Ellie, and Peter can’t help smiling. A warm bubble has settled in his chest, and he never wants it to leave. Just like he never wants Wade and Ellie to leave either.

MID MAY (14 MONTHS)

“C’mon, Princess.” Peter bounces Ellie as he paces around the apartment, alternating between patting her back and rubbing it. “You love nap time, don’t you? Won’t you fall asleep for me? Please ?” 

It’s probably because Wade isn’t home right now that Ellie is being fussy about naptime. He had a meeting with SHIELD this morning, and decided it would be a good time to run a few errands afterwards. According to the texts Peter has received, Wade is currently at the store up the street. Ellie is more than an hour overdue for her nap and she is being so fussy , so hopefully she’ll nap once Wade gets home, and please God let that be soon .

She squirms and whimpers against his shoulder, and Peter shushes her softly. Yeah, sure, he has a longer history with childcare, but Wade has become a pro over the last year - especially when it comes to Ellie. Peter isn’t half bad, but she has a clear preference between the two of them. She still clearly loves Peter in whatever way babies can love the adults in their lives, but she always naps better with Wade around.

Everything was going great during babysitting time before they got to naptime. Ellie has been weaned off formula for months, but she gets a bottle of milk with most meals. Lunch time was her bottle, and pasta with peas and spinach, and a small bowl of butternut squash soup. Wade has a meal plan and feeding schedule he found online that he follows to a tee because he wants to make sure she’s getting proper nutrition. So far, she hasn’t been a picky eater, so Peter didn’t have a problem with giving her lunch.

Because Wade prepares his meal plan at least a week in advance, they now have a proper pantry and everything. He moved all of Peter’s plants to various locations around the apartment, and installed a standing cabinet in the space at the end of the counter by the stove. It’s screwed to the wall to make sure that Ellie can’t accidentally pull it down on herself. Child safety locks keep the doors and all tasty treats safe from her sneaky hands, because she’s absolutely filched snacks when Peter hasn’t been paying attention.

Apparently spidey-senses don’t extend to saving unattended Oreos.

Wade has watched one too many TikTok restocking-the-kitchen videos, and now he keeps the pantry meticulously organized with labeled tubs, jars, and baskets. It’s pretty impressive, honestly. Peter knows very little about psychology, but he would bet good money that Wade’s effort to keep an organized space is less in an effort to be the perfect dad, and more in how it helps keep his mental state in order too. 

The only reason Peter thinks that is because of the stories Wade has told him. He’s mentioned on more than one occasion how he used to live in trash. It’s sad to hear that Wade’s mental and physical state was so deplorable that he didn’t care over how old the pizza boxes in the corner were. He had safehouses here or there, and they were full of cockroaches and mice. Wade would just abandon them when it got to be too much to deal with.

It got marginally better once he moved in with Al, because she wouldn’t allow it and would smack him with her cane if he left anything on the floor, but it still wasn’t great . Wade has told Peter time and time again that he wants to be better for Ellie (and, to some extent, for Peter - which caused far more blushing than it should have). He hasn’t said it outright because Peter has made it clear that it’s never happening, but Peter suspects that Wade’s extra effort is so they won’t be made to move out.

As if that would ever happen, though. Even when Ellie is being fussy, like she is now, Peter would never think about kicking them out. He quite literally loves having them here. Seriously. He can’t say it enough how much he adores both Wade and Ellie. And because of that, Peter also knows that Wade deserves some time to himself, and so he’s not going to call him to come back early just because Ellie is refusing to go down for her nap without Wade. He doesn’t blame her. If Peter had the option, he’d prefer to fall asleep on Wade’s pecs too.

Since Wade isn’t due home within the hour and Peter isn’t expecting any visitors, he’s very surprised when someone knocks at the door. Whoever it is must have been let in the front door by someone, which is entirely possible if they showed up the same time someone else was leaving, or came in after them. But Peter also knows that something isn’t right here, purely by the very lowkey shiver of his spidey-senses.

Ellie starts hiccupping, which is her precursor to full sobbing. Peter bites his lip and rushes to the bedroom to put her in the crib so he can answer the door. As soon as she’s out of his arms, her bottom lip starts wobbling and tears gather in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Peter runs a hand through her curls before stepping away at the sound of another round of knocks. “I’ll be right back!” 

He shuts the door behind him, and Ellie starts wailing not a moment later. Peter winces and rushes to the door to look through the peephole. While he doesn’t know the attractive woman standing on the other side of it, something about her makes his stomach sink. She’s standing back from the door with her arms crossed and her hip popped, looking annoyed. Her dark hair is pulled back from her face, showing off big hoop earrings as it falls around her shoulders in curls. She has familiar caramel skin, and quite a lot of it is being shown with her tight, low-cut shirt under a cropped jacket; short shorts worn over fishnet stockings. It’s a bit too much for Peter’s liking, but it works for her. Even her make-up is on point.

Peter takes a deep breath and opens the door as wide as the chain lock will allow. “Hi, can I help you?”

She squints at him and gives him an up-and-down look as best as can be given. Her boots would make her taller than Peter if she wasn’t almost a foot shorter than him to start with. Still, she tries to stand on her tiptoes and see over his head. “Where’s Wade?”

“He’s not here at the moment.” 

“Ugh, fine.” She huffs and waves her hand at the door. “Then let me in. I’ll wait for him here.”

Peter shakes his head. “You can wait for him outside.” At her incredulous look, he shrugs. “I have a toddler here. I’m not letting a stranger in the apartment whether you know Wade or not.” He ignores her glare to continue. “If you know Wade, then you probably have his phone number. You can contact him. If he wants me to let you in, he’ll let me know. Otherwise, you’re welcome to wait on the stoop, in the lobby, or the hallway until he’s back.”

“Who the hell d’you think you are?” She hisses, and Peter nearly flinches at the anger in her voice. “You’re just the damn babysitter, right? So, get the fuck outta my way.”

He has no clue how being the babysitter means he should get out of the way, but that’s not the point. “I’m not the babysitter. I’m -”

“Oh, so you’re his new bitch .” She rolls her eyes, still radiating anger. “I’m more surprised he snagged a hottie like you than I am that he’s with a guy now. Y’know, he always liked it in the ass more than any other John I’ve had.”

It takes Peter a solid minute of fish-mouthing before he manages to find his voice again. “E-ex cuse me?”

She arches a perfectly plucked eyebrow at him and puts a hand on her hip. “Don’t act so shocked. Is he paying you? He paid me enough not to care about that whole nasty deal-” She gestures at her face and overall body, and it sets Peter’s blood to boil. “-so I’m guessing he’s gotta be paying you more if he’s going to be leaving you with the rug rat too.”

Peter splutters, resisting the urge to shut the door in her face because that would be rude and Aunt May taught him better. “I – What? No! He’s not paying me anything. I’m his roommate .”

“Wow.” She laughs, cold and unamused. “You some kinda doormat, kid? What kinda roomie is cool with a dude leaving his brat with him?”

“I volunteered , thank you very much.” Peter forcibly releases his grip on the door handle when he feels it start to crumble in his hand. “And her name is Ellie. It’s not brat . It’s not rug rat . It’s Ellie .”

She snorts, wrinkling her nose. “Is that what he named her?” And Peter’s stomach drops straight through to the first floor as that all but confirms for him who this woman is.

She starts muttering to herself in Spanish, and Peter catches none of it. While he’s miles better than he was a year ago, he’s certainly not to the point of understanding rapid fire mumbling from someone who quite clearly either has Spanish as their first or very fluent second language.

Ellie is still sobbing in the bedroom, and Peter hates hearing it. He hates it more than he does dealing with this woman, and that makes his next decision easy. “Yes, it is, and she’s crying for me right now, so I’m going to ask that you wait out here. I still don’t know you and, frankly, you’re not making an amazing first impression. I’ll let Wade know that someone is waiting for him.”

Before she opens her mouth to say something back, already looking like she’s getting worked up to yell at him, Peter shuts and locks the door. She still starts spitting angry Spanish at him, but he turns his attention away from her as he heads to the bedroom, phone in hand and already ringing. Peter rushes back to the bedroom to scoop Ellie up, and her wailing tapers off immediately. 

Wade picks up after the fourth ring, voice so perky that Peter instantly hates how he’s about to ruin his good mood. “ Hey, Petey! Did’ja think of something you want me to pick up?”

“I think you need to come home right now.” Peter bounces Ellie in place as she sniffles into his shoulder, phone held to one ear. “There’s a woman here looking for you.”

“... Who ?” Wade’s voice has gone hard.

“I didn’t get a name, but…” But Peter isn’t dumb. He can read the context clues. “Wade, I think she’s Ellie’s-”

Wade hangs up before Peter can finish the thought. He puts his phone away and continues pacing the bedroom, bouncing Ellie and rubbing her back while he hums her favourite song hoping that it’ll put her to sleep before Wade gets back. The shop is just five minutes down the road, and it’s only a few minutes later when he hears Wade’s boots heavy and stomping in the stairwell. He must have abandoned the cart as soon as he realized Ellie’s bio-mom is here.

Peter is nervous and he doesn’t want to listen in to the conversation out in the hall, but he can’t help it. Super hearing and all that. He chews on his thumb nail whenever he’s not rubbing Ellie’s back, listening to them over her quiet whimpers.

“Carm.” Wade confirms Peter’s worst nightmare. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, hello to you too, Wade.” Carmelita still sounds pissed off. “Your new boy toy wouldn’t let me in. Don’t give me that look. There’s no way he’s just your roomie. I know he’s exactly your type. Anyway, have you got any beer? I’d kill for a beer right now.”

There’s a moment of silence that’s conspicuously missing the jingle of keys in the lock. Not that it would matter, because the chain is on. “No, Lita, I’m not letting you in either. What are you doing here?”

“To the point. That’s what I liked best about you, Wade.” She sounds less mad now, but still pretty annoyed. “I’m here for my kid.”

Peter’s blood runs cold and he tightens his hold on Ellie a little bit more. He starts humming louder, just to make sure she won’t be able to hear them.

“Sorry, I must’ve forgotten to clean my ears this morning. Could’ve sworn I just heard you say your kid.” Wade drawls, sounding playful but Peter hears the ice. “Pretty sure I’ve got a nice piece of paper proving that you signed away any and all parental rights. You gave birth to her but she sure as shit ain’t your kid.”

“I changed my mind.” Carmelita sounds so blasé about it that it puts Peter’s teeth on edge. He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like it one little bit. “Give her back.”

“You’ve been MIA in her life since day one , Carm. I’m not letting you near my kid without a damn good reason, and proof that you’ve kicked that nasty little coke habit of yours.” 

There’s a very subtle sniff that Peter almost misses before Carmelita’s raising her voice. “Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on!”

That kicks off the yelling, and Peter puts a hand on the back of Ellie’s head, starting to sing out loud to lull her into sleep and distract from how Carmelita is accusing Wade of not minding that habit when he was snorting it off her back. Or any of the other hard drugs they did together.

The argument quickly devolves into Spanish, which Peter thinks she’s more comfortable using. He can’t catch any of it, and he’s not sure if he wants to. Wade answers her in cool Spanish, clearly still trying to hold his temper even though Peter is certain he’s speaking through clenched teeth the whole time. He sounds frustrated, and either Carmelita’s anger or Wade’s barely restrained temper is making Peter’s spidey-sense tingle lowly up and down his spine.

Thankfully, the fight is ended pretty quickly by one of their neighbours shouting that they’re going to call the police if Carmelita doesn’t shut up. She swears at them a bunch in Spanish before Wade firmly tells her. “That’s enough , Carm. I’m going to call the cops myself if you don’t leave.”

“Big man acting like a father now, huh?” She hisses at him, voice low and full venom. “I’m not afraid of you, Wilson. I’ll be back with worse people than you to get my kid.”

She storms off after that, stomping down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. Peter is out of the bedroom and letting Wade into the apartment as soon as he hears the door to the stairwell close behind her. Wade hustles in, white as a ghost. He shuts the door and locks it up with every single extra lock he installed on it when he moved in.

Peter expects Wade to take Ellie from him, and he offers her mostly because she’s still sniffling and making grabby hands for Wade. He doesn’t expect to get bundled up against Wade’s chest with her, but he’s certainly not complaining. Peter curls into him, putting his arm around Wade and hugging him back as tightly as he can get away with. Wade is shaking badly, and Peter’s heart twists painfully in his chest.

“Are you okay…?”

Wade shakes his head, and Peter has no idea what he needs to do to make things better. All he can do is guide them all to the couch so they can sit and cuddle together. Ellie is already settling down, sniffling her way into her post-lunch nap now that her dad is home. Wade curls all his bulk into Peter’s side, head down and nuzzling against Ellie where she’s sucking on her fist against his shoulder. 

It takes a long time, and lots of Peter gently running his hand back and forth over Wade’s shoulders to get him to calm down. This might very well be the longest that Peter has ever seen him be quiet. That would usually be something he might tease Wade about, if the situation was wildly different. For now, Peter waits. Wade will talk to him when he’s ready.

Eventually, Wade gets up to put Ellie down for her nap in her crib. When he comes back with the monitor, his hands are still shaking. Peter doesn’t hesitate to get Wade to sit with him again, drawn into a hug. Wade melts into him with deep, shuddering breaths, tucking his face into Peter’s neck.

“Sorry for all the drama, Pete.” Wade whispers quietly against him. “I’d totally get it if y’wanna kick us out now. Carm is - She could cause a lot of problems for us, and-” 

God, he both looks and sounds like a kicked puppy.

“Not happening, Wade.” Peter feels that calm settle over him that he’s used to feeling when he’s Spider-Man, and he knows exactly what he needs to do. 

He wiggles to get his phone out of his pocket. He swaps to the app he uses that hides his number so he can call on Spider-Man business without giving away Peter Parker’s phone number. There are a few numbers saved in the app, and he dials one of them while keeping Wade tucked against him. Peter doesn’t let go even when Wade tries to pull away. He just puts a hand on his head and draws him right back in.

The line picks up and Peter doesn’t wait for a greeting. “Hey, remember how you owe me a favour? Yeah, I’m calling to collect. If I give you an address, how soon can you get here? I need your legal expertise.”

A quiet sigh causes a bit of static. “ I suppose I could work you in. If you need legal advice, is it safe to assume I shouldn’t show up in red? ”

“That’d be best.”

“ Text me the address and I’ll be there in an hour. ”

“Thanks, Matt.” Peter hangs up and types out the message over Wade’s shoulder to send his address.

Wade doesn’t try to pull away again, but he does crane his neck to meet Peter’s eyes. “Legal expertise?”

“You’re going to talk to a friend of mine. He’s a lawyer and he can give you an idea of what you can do if Carm tries to come back for Ellie.” Peter tucks his phone away once he’s sent the message. “We’re going to do this the proper way.”

There’s silence between them for a long time before Wade’s arms tighten around Peter’s waist. After a moment, he lifts his head. “Wait… You know a lawyer named Matt too?”

Peter very abruptly remembers that Wade used Matt’s practice to get Carmelita to sign away her parental rights in the beginning. He had to pretend not to recognize Matt’s name when Wade first mentioned it. Shit. He hates lying to Wade, but he’s not being left much choice here, is he? 

“Yeah…? It’s a pretty common name.” He tries to sound nonchalant about the whole thing as the rest of the lie rolls right off his tongue. “I met this guy back when I was working at the Bugle and taking pictures of Spider-Man. I don’t know how Spidey knew him, but they met up about something or other once and Spidey had to ask me not to take pictures of them together.”

“Spidey knows him?” Wade sits up even more, his eyes bright. Clearly he’s desperate for a distraction from Carmelita. “I’m gonna meet someone who works with Spider-Man ?”

Peter shrugs. “I… don’t know? I wasn’t exactly a part of their conversation.” Lie. Lie. Lie .

Wade spends the time before Matt arrives theorizing what he and Spider-Man must have talked about. Peter is mostly quiet, and just nods along. It’s amusing to listen to, certainly, and it does make the time pass pretty quickly. 

When Matt texts that he’s outside, Peter untangles from cuddling Wade to go down and get him. Wade figures that’s as good a time as any to check on Ellie, but he doesn’t duck into the bedroom without first giving Peter a tight hug with a rough, quiet “ Thank you ” whispered in his ear. Peter just gives him a warm smile before heading downstairs.

Matt is standing on the sidewalk facing the street, leaning against the brickwork banister lining the stairs. He’s wearing a business suit and has his cane tapping a rhythm against the ground. His sunglasses reflect the sunlight when he turns his head towards Peter as he comes out the door.

“So, it’s that kind of business call, huh?” He straightens up and turns to face Peter fully. “I suspected, but you didn’t mention you were going to be out of the suit too.”

“I couldn’t say anything about it because I called you on behalf of my roommate. You already know him, actually, and helped him a little over a year ago with some custody stuff.” Peter gestures for Matt to follow him in, knowing that he’ll pick up on it. They head inside and Peter presses the button to call the elevator. “I’m Peter Parker, by the way. I told him that I met you back when I was still taking photos of Spider-Man for the Bugle.”

Matt shakes his hand while they wait. “Nice to meet you, Peter. Who’s your roomie?”

“Does the name Wade Wilson ring a bell?” Peter tries not to wince. He really hopes he’s not setting himself up for another lecture like Tony gave him.

There’s a moment of silence, and then a dawning look of realization hits him. “Oh Lord, you’re that roommate. I remember him mentioning you when I got him the paperwork he needed for -” His expression falls slightly. “Shit. This has to do with the kid, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” Peter waits until they’re alone in the elevator before giving the rundown of what happened with Carmelita. “I called you because I want you to talk to Wade about what his options are. He needs to  stick to doing things legally , even if she tries illegal methods of getting Ellie back. And I want him to know what he needs to do if she takes a legal route herself.”

“Good thinking.” Matt claps him on the shoulder as they step into the hall. “I know he’s been trying to keep on the straight and narrow since the kid came along. I’m proud of him.”

Peter can’t help grinning at that. Everyone should be proud of Wade. He’s done a complete one-eighty from how he used to be. Turned his life around and everything. He’s just… amazing, and Peter wants everyone to see that. 

“Matty!” Wade gasps when Peter walks through the door with Matt on his heels. “I should’ve known it was you when Petey said Spidey knew you.”

They get down to brass tacks pretty quick after that. Peter doesn’t let Wade derail anything by asking questions about Spider-Man. He keeps it focused on the task at hand, and that’s planning out every legal step they need depending on what Carmelita might do next, if she does anything at all. One incident isn’t enough to get a restraining order, but it’s good to make a legal trail of it. They write the whole meeting down, and get the name of the neighbors that heard the fight, in case they ever need to call on witnesses in the future.

Matt ends up staying for supper, going over Wade’s history with Carmelita and the details of how they met or what they did together. He needs to know what Wade knows about her situation - or, what her situation was the last time they saw each other. Peter gets treated to many stories about Wade’s past that he hasn’t heard yet, and it just highlights all the changes he’s made to his life for Ellie. 

The adults get to order in Chinese, but Wade still sticks to Ellie’s meal plan. Peter takes over cooking and making sure Ellie gets fed and entertained. He listens in while Wade and Matt talk over chow mein and kung pao chicken, but mostly stays out of the conversation. There’s not too much he can add, after all. 

When all is said and done, Matt leans back in his chair and pushes his glasses up as he rubs a hand over his face. They fall back into place after and he adjusts them. “You have the upper hand because she signed away her parental rights, but your reputation is our biggest problem. If she decides to take you to court and claim that you coerced her into signing that, I can’t guarantee that anyone is going to believe otherwise. We did have witnesses, but… It’s really her word against that of a known mercenary with a very bloody track record.”

Wade almost seems to deflate, and Peter’s heart breaks for him. He clears his throat from where he’s sitting with Ellie on the floor. “Would the last year of going straight-” Everyone ignores how Wade snorts at that. “- and working with SHIELD be taken into consideration? If anyone doubts his ability to care for Ellie, will it matter that he’s living with a roommate who does and is willing to help out?”

“SHIELD vouching for you could help, but the roommate situation isn’t going to fly.” Matt shrugs and uses his fingers to fish some deep fried veal out of a container. “I haven’t handled a case like this before, but I know someone who did. Roommates aren’t considered enough of a commitment to matter in court. Now, if you were married? That would be another story.”

That idea sticks with Peter. Wade seems keen to move the conversation on from that, but Peter can’t move past it. Not even hours later when he’s swinging through the city dressed in skin-tight spandex. Not even the next morning when he’s on the subway to work with a half-eaten breakfast burrito (courtesy of Wade) in his hand. Even the whole of his work day is obsessed with thinking about it. 

Married.

Married .

His after work patrol is just as distracted by the idea, right up until he gets an upset phone call from Wade while he’s following a car jacker. Carmelita found him again in the grocery store. Thankfully, Ellie is in daycare today, but Carmelita shouted at him about her mother refusing to get off her dick about giving up Ellie, and that Wade needs to give her back because Carmelita’s mom can take care of Ellie better than Wade ever could. She even ranted about Wade’s previous use of drugs, which is no big deal because Wade is high for all of a minute before his mutation gets rid of the effects. He can’t stay high, and he can’t get drunk.

Apparently Carmelita also said that her mom was planning on suing for custody if Wade didn’t listen to her and just give her Ellie. At that point, Wade said he turned around, handing her Matt’s card, and walked away without a word. Now he’s sitting in the bathroom at the grocery store, shaking with anger and curbing every urge he has to just deal with things in the way he used to. 

“I’m really proud of you, Wade. You kept your cool and you didn’t let her get the better of you.” Peter does a little flip as he throws out a new web to turn his trajectory after the car he’s chasing. “We’ll put it down in the journal like Matt told us. Include the time and let Matt know about the grocery store. Maybe he can get a copy of the security tapes if they caught anything.”

Wade takes a few shuddering breaths. “Is… Do you think she’s right, Pete? Would her mom take better care of Ellie? I’m a mess and it’s honestly surprising that I’ve held it together for this long, Pete. What if - What if I snap? The boxes keep in check because they adore Ellie, but they could turn on a dime and I - What if -”

“Listen to me.” Peter puts a commanding tone in his voice. “Leave the store. I’ll finish the grocery shopping, and you go pick up Ellie. Take her home. Sit with her and watch the Golden Girls. Make that face that always gets her to laugh. Put her hair in fifty little pony tails like you love doing. Dress yourselves in those matching onesies you bought that I can’t stop laughing at whenever you wear them together. Look at the investments you put in place for her college fund, or the ones that will ensure that little girl will never have to want for anything.”

“Pete-” It sounds like he’s going to object, and that just won’t do.

“I’m not done.” Peter speaks over him. “I want you to look at all the progress you’ve made to straighten your life out and give that little girl the life you never had. Do all of that and, when I get home, I want you to just try and tell me to my face that you’re not a good father.”

“Pete…”

He keeps his voice firm. “Just do it, Wade.”

“Okay…” Wade takes another deep breath and clears his throat. “Petey, I -”

The horn blares loudly under Peter as he drops onto the top of the car he’s been chasing. He drops low and sticks himself in place. “Sorry, Wade. I hate to cut and run on you like this, but I’ve gotta go right now. I’ll be home in an hour or so, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. See ya, Pete.” He sounds slightly disappointed before the line goes dead.

Peter gets the carjacker situation dealt with quickly. He’s off to find his clothes the moment the police approach, and before he goes to the grocery store, he makes a pit stop at the nearest pawn shop. It’s an in-and-out affair, and then he’s off to finish the shopping before heading home. 

As instructed, Wade and Ellie are sitting on the couch in their matching Spider-Man onesies - which are just knockoffs of his suit in a horrendous combination of orange and green instead of his red and blues. Peter just about died the day Wade bought them off Wish, and it was so lucky that both fit. Ellie’s head is a forest of tiny, curly pigtails. When Wade looks at him, it’s with a smile; small, sweet, grateful. 

It’s the kind of smile that catapults Peter’s heart into oblivion. And tells him that he made the right decision standing in Wade’s corner. There are no doubts in his mind as he puts the bags of groceries down, walks over to the couch, drops to one knee, and holds out the wedding band he bought at the pawn shop.

“Will you marry me?”

If this was a cartoon, Wade’s jaw would hit the floor. Instead, it just drops and he makes a bunch of choked, squeaking noises that don’t actually amount to any proper words. Ellie looks away from the TV to blink at him, and then realizes that Peter is there and breaks into her own happy smile.

“Papi!” She holds her hands out and he plucks her from Wade’s lap to get his welcome home hug and kisses from her. 

Wade is still staring at him as Peter stands up, Ellie balanced on his hip. “I’m going to put the groceries away. Let me know your answer once you’ve finished processing, okay?”

He takes Ellie with him and has a full blown conversation with her while he busies himself. Peter asks how her day went, and she babbles back in baby speak, and he responds like she made perfect sense. They’re both very intently involved in the conversation. 

By the time the groceries are away, Wade is standing at the edge of the kitchen, still staring. Peter cocks an eyebrow at him. “Got an answer for me yet, big guy?”

Wade swallows audibly, licks his lips. “ Why ?”

Because I’m in love with you and want to keep the both of you forever. 

But that’s not what comes out of Peter’s mouth. “If Carmelita takes this to court, Matt said roommates wouldn’t play in your favour. Married , however, would. I’m going to do everything in my power to keep the both of you together, and preferably living with me since I really enjoy the dynamic we have going.” He shrugs and lifts Ellie in the air, spinning to make her squeal. “Isn’t that right, kiddo? Can I marry your daddy to keep you both safe and secure here with me?”

“Pete. Peter -” Wade sounds choked up, broken. Peter turns to him again with Ellie cradled in his arms and she starts playing with the collar of his shirt. Wade watches her instead of looking Peter in the eye. “Y’can’t - Marriage ? To me ? D’you know what kinda target that would put on your back?”

This is where Peter should tell him that he’s Spider-Man. Instead, he just shrugs again. “I fully trust you to keep me safe if it comes to that.”

“Peter. Pete. Petey. I can’t - I -” Tears actually start gathering in Wade’s eyes and his shoulders slump as he looks down. “I dunno what to say…”

“You could say ‘ yes ’?” Peter offers the ring again, holding it out of Ellie’s reach when she tries to take it from him. “We can have a small ceremony in the park. You can invite Dopinder, Al, Domino, Weasel, and whoever else you want. I’ll bring May and MJ would fly in for it. Ellie can be our flower girl, and you could wear a wedding dress. I know you’d look amazing in one.” 

The tears start falling then, but Wade smiles. “Fuck yeah I would.”

“Is that a ‘ yes ’?” Peter can’t stop himself from grinning. 

He nods and steps close enough for Peter to put the wedding ring on his finger. “Sorry it’s not a proper engagement ring. I figured I’d just kill two birds with one stone and get our wedding bands right from the start.”

“Where’s yours?” 

Wade sniffles and rubs at his eyes, holding out his hand to look at the simple silver plated band. Peter liked it because there’s an engraving on the inside that says I love you . He figures Wade will find that on his own eventually, and he can take it however he wishes. Peter is happy either way.

“In my pocket.” Peter nods down at his right hip. 

Without further ado, Wade grabs one of Peter’s belt loops to pull him closer and shoves his hand into the pocket. Peter snorts a laugh and Ellie squeals as he’s rocked back and forth by the force of Wade’s search. He spends perhaps a little too long in there before he surfaces with a matching ring. It’s not an exact pair, but it’s close enough.

Wade waits for Ellie to be shifted over to Peter’s other arm before he grabs his left hand. He slides the ring onto Peter’s finger and stares at it for a long time, just holding his hand and running his thumb over the ring a few times.

Peter hazards a step closer, squeezing Wade’s fingers until he lifts his head enough to catch his eye. “You okay there, big guy?”

“Yeah.” He sniffles slightly, but there are no more tears when he looks up at Peter finally, smiling wide and dazzling. “Yeah, Pete, I am.”

START OF JUNE (15 MONTHS)

Peter has the distinct impression that weddings should take a lot longer to plan. But Wade has everything in order in just a few weeks.

Their wedding is on a Thursday morning at the Ladies Pavilion in Central Park. Peter did not ask Wade how he managed to get a reservation on such short notice, but he also doesn’t care. All he needs to know is that they got something called the Elopement Package , which included a photographer and an officiant, but also limited them to four guests only. And that really highlighted how few people Peter actually has in his life.

In Wade’s case, he invited Al and Domino. Judging by their placements, Al is his Maid of Honour, though Wade never did specify to Peter if anyone had a specific part to play. Both of them are wearing a lovely berry red; Al in a three piece suit, and Domino in a very flattering dress with a slit that shows a whole lot of leg.

On Peter’s side, he has Aunt May and Mary Jane. She was luckily able to make it out on such short notice. They’re both wearing forest green dresses that flatter them in their own ways. The colours aren’t a very summery theme, but it’s what Wade wanted and Peter honestly doesn’t care. They could be getting married in jeans and t-shirts, and he’d be happy. 

The photographer circles back and forth, getting shots of everyone and everything as Wade walks up the aisle to an acoustic version of True Colours . Peter has to bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing, because of course he recognizes that from the first Trolls movie. Wade claims the only reason they watch it so much is because Ellie loves it, but Peter suspects Wade is really the one who does.

When Peter suggested that Ellie be Wade’s flower girl, he didn’t think that Wade would take it so literally. When he steps out from behind a tree to approach the pavilion, he’s carrying Ellie in place of a bouquet. Her dress is layers of flower printed tulle with a headband of flowers. She looks adorable and Peter can feel himself choking up just looking at her. And, in the next moment, his breath is taken away because he finally looks at Wade and - Holy shit.

Wade’s dress has a slit that goes halfway up his thigh and shows off some very slinky pantyhose, held up with visible thigh garters and clips. The dress clings to his chest and hips, and accentuates his body. It’s off the shoulder, highlighting his muscular shoulders and biceps, with long gloves up past his elbow. Even the bodice is fitted, emphasizing his pecs and distracting Peter a whole hell of a lot. Is he drooling? It feels like he’s drooling. The photographer is absolutely going to catch that, aren’t they?

Peter bites his lip when Wade steps up to face him in front of the officiant. He takes both of Ellie’s hands in his, since Wade’s are occupied, and smiles at the two of them. “You both look amazing .”

“Lookin’ pretty snazzy there yourself, Petey.” Wade smiles back, small and warm and perfect . He looks like he means it, even though Peter is just wearing a simple three piece suit with a tie matching Aunt May and Mary Jane’s dresses. 

The ceremony itself is fairly short. The longest part of it is their personal vows. Wade told him to make up something ridiculous, but Peter wrote his from the heart. He throws in jokes about never walking in front of the TV when Wade is watching Canadian hockey, but he also talks about how he never expected to find a partner like Wade when he was only looking for a roommate. There’s not a thing Peter would ever change since the day he met Wade until now. And he promises to honour, protect, cherish, and love both Wade and Ellie for the rest of his life.

Where Ellie is concerned, Peter also has separate vows for her. He also has a necklace that she’ll be able to wear when she’s older that represents the vows he makes to her. There are jokes included in that, like always sneaking her ice cream when Wade says ‘ no ’ and never not giving her piggy back rides. 

The necklace is for Ellie whether or not this marriage gets annulled. But, just in case they never get divorced, Peter wants to make sure these all actually mean something .

Wade’s vows are very much him . He goes on and on about how happy he is that Peter can look past who he used to be, or how every day is a struggle not to fall back on old habits but it’s easier with Peter. They were more than roommates almost from the beginning. Partners from the start, and Wade couldn’t imagine anyone else at his side. (“Not even Spider-Man , though he has a booty that don’t quit .”) 

Peter hopes his blush can be attributed to the sun and the wedding, but he nods in agreement. 

From that point on, their vows are nothing but ranking superheroes by their butts. It continues until Aunt May clears her throat loudly behind him and everyone but the officiant and the photographer break down into giggles before the rest of the ceremony can continue.

The rings they exchange are the same that they’ve been wearing since Peter proposed. And, when they kiss, Wade cups the back of his neck. Peter tells himself it’s all part of the act, but he’s got an iron grip on Wade’s arm. If Ellie weren’t between them, Peter would probably pull Wade into a dip just because he knows he would love that. Peter thinks he might be imagining how the kiss lingers, but he’s not going to question it, because he loves it.

When they pull apart, Wade lifts Ellie so they can both kiss her on her chubby little cheeks. They make loud kissing noises until Ellie is squealing and squirming.

After signing the paper with the officiant and their witnesses, they have a quick photoshoot in various parts of Central Park. Then they head off to the reception at their favourite restaurant; a hole in the wall Asian/Mexican fusion place. Wade rented out the whole place, and half the tables are cleared out to make a dance area. Peter thinks, at first, that it’s a bit of overkill over just the six of them (six and a half, if you include Ellie) - and then the rest of their guests arrive.

He should have expected that Wade would invite other people to the reception. 

Weasel shows up for dinner and drinks, giving a wide berth to the handful of X-Men that arrive around the same time. Peter is delighted to see Matt and Foggy walk in, hand in hand. With the X-Men arriving, Peter had thought maybe MJ might be a little bit intimidated, since she doesn’t have even close to the same exposure to Supers as Aunt May, but she’s amazing. Cocktail hour isn’t even finished before she’s already openly flirting with Wolverine - which is met with dropped jaws and Wade nearly falling out of his chair laughing. 

Even Aunt May takes a crack at surprising the Supers. She absolutely insists on dancing with Colossus as much as she can after dinner, and it’s completely ridiculous. Peter loves that she’s having fun, and he’s not going to deny that it’s pretty funny to see how she makes Colossus blush and stutter.

When Peter and Wade have their first dance together, it is much more hilarious than Peter was expecting. Even though he had tried to be involved in aspects of the wedding planning, Wade was a whirlwind who had most of everything figured out while Peter was working (or making his rounds as Spider-Man). Which is all to say that Peter was not expecting their first dance to be held to an acoustic version of “Baby Got Back” .

It’s so silly and Peter spends most of the dance twirling Wade around the makeshift dance floor with Ellie held between them and doing his best not to laugh himself silly because Wade keeps whispering in his ear. (“You’ve got a booty to rival any of the Supers we listed in our vows, Petey!”) They did try, at first, to have their dance without her, but Ellie started sobbing when they tried to leave her with Aunt May.

Peter can, without a doubt, call it a perfect night. 

Or… at least until they stumble home together well after midnight with Ellie fast asleep in her stroller, and Peter is faced with the reminder of their two very separate bedrooms.

“Thanks, Petey.” Wade catches his hand once they’re a few feet in the door. “This was amazing .” 

“I think I should be thanking you .” Peter laughs, turning so he can give Wade his best smile. “You’re the one who planned it all, and footed the bill too. Seriously, though, let me know my half and I’ll -”

Wade snorts and shushes him with a finger against his mouth. “Keep that beautiful mouth shut, Pete. You’re helping me try and keep my baby, so paying for shit is quite literally the least I could do.” He squeezes Peter’s hand and leans in to kiss him on the cheek. “Have a good night, hubby .” 

And, with that, Wade pushes Ellie’s stroller right into his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. He leaves Peter alone in what accounts for their foyer, staring forlornly at that closed door, because even after a magical day of matrimony, there’s no wedding night for them. It’s all a sham to help Wade’s chances against Carmelita taking Ellie away from him.

He didn’t even get to carry Wade across the doorstep into their home.

There’s a bitter tang burning at the back of Peter’s throat as he undoes his tie, kicks off his shoes, and trudges off to his own bedroom. Alone.

*

Peter had the foresight to book the day after his wedding off. Sadly, he did not have the foresight of telling his employer why . Which means he wakes up to his phone vibrating off the side table from the sheer number of incoming text messages from not only many of his coworkers congratulating him, but also Tony (and Johnny Storm?) freaking out on him about how they weren’t invited to the wedding.

Someone in the Super community must’ve blabbed and Peter spends the first hour of his morning doing damage control. Truthfully, he does feel pretty bad, because it never occurred to him to invite Tony or Johnny. But they’re a part of Spider-Man’s life, not Peter Parker’s. There’s a distinct line between the two that Peter draws, and yesterday had nothing to do with Spider-Man.

“Pete?” A knock at the door has Peter lifting his head off the pillow and acknowledging that he’s awake. Wade opens the door to lean into the room. “Kidlet and I are heading out. They're doing a day trip to the Children’s Museum of Manhattan.”

“Isn’t Ellie a little too young for that place?”

Wade grins teasingly at him. “Yeah, but I’m not!” And then he’s ducking out of sight and closing the door behind him, shouting more than loud enough for Peter to hear. “We’ll be back this afternoon! I’ll bring take out for dinner.”

“Have fun!”

Peter waits for the apartment to go quiet after they’ve left before he kicks his heels against the bed and pulls a pillow over his face to muffle a frustrated groan. He would have loved to go with them, but how’s he just supposed to ask that? If this were a normal relationship, Peter’s attendance would have been expected. But there’s nothing normal about this marriage and he’s not above saying that it’ll probably be the death of him.

He’s halfway through his breakfast when Matt texts him and drops another bombshell in his lap.

>> FYI but if Carmelita does sic CPS on you two, it’s going to look really weird that you aren’t sharing a bedroom.

>> Just a thought 😀

Peter nearly chokes on his Froot Loops. This was not something he needed to be slapped in the face with after spending a sad wedding night alone.

<< I hate you.

>> So I shouldn’t tell you how many times I heard your heart skip a beat last night?

Daredevil is going to go missing and it’s because Peter Parker murdered him. 

<< 🖕

But, Matt does have a point. Sure, they could try and claim that they’re just the kind of couple who can’t share a bedroom (maybe Wade snores too much? or Peter’s a kicker?) but… How well would that fly with Child Protective Services? Peter is… concerned. He’s also not the best at thinking things through and acts impulsively, and before he can stop to think about it, he’s texting Mary Jane with a shopping list and asking for some design help if she’s free today.

She is more than happy to help out, and Peter spends a few hours moving furniture before she shows up with bags and boxes in tow. He dismantles his bedroom in record time, all of his things getting stacked around the living room and on the couch until he can get them put away properly. His bed is sold for far too cheap on Craigslist just to get it out ASAP and scheduled for pick-up later in the day.

With Mary Jane’s help, they paint one wall of his former bedroom like a rainbow, and the rest of the walls are a soft yellow that, when dry enough, will be covered in decals of various animals and dinosaurs. A new, circular rainbow rug takes up most of the floor space of what is quickly becoming Ellie’s bedroom (or, rather, playroom ). While Mary Jane hangs fairy lights around the room and puts up some new gauzy curtains over the windows, Peter moves Ellie’s dresser, her changing table, and the rocking chair from Wade’s room. He leaves the crib, because he doubts Wade is going to want to allow her to sleep in another room, but he leaves space for it in case they do move it later. 

They put together some shorter shelving units (from Ikea, because Peter knows Wade is nothing if not loyal to that store) so they can organize all of Ellie’s toys from the various places where they’re stashed around the apartment. It’s the best they can do in a short time frame, but it looks good. Peter figures that he can just sleep on their amazing couch until this whole situation with Carmelita is resolved.

It’s possible that Wade is going to have issues with what he’s done today, but Peter is pragmatic. If CPS does give them a surprise visit on a tip for Carmelita, he doesn’t want to give them any more ammo to take Ellie away from them - away from Wade . God knows what Deadpool would do if that ever happened.

*

Mary Jane has been gone for about an hour, and Peter is in the process of making space in Wade’s closet and dresser for his clothes, when he hears the key in the lock. Wade walks in with Ellie in the stroller. There’s a moment where the only sound is Ellie’s baby babble, and then footsteps as Wade’s large frame fills the doorway.

“Well, now. This is an unexpected development.”

Peter hangs up his wedding suit next to Wade’s dress on the far side of the closet. “Did Matt not text you too?” He tries to sound very nonchalant about the whole thing, and not at all like he’s about to throw up his own heart. “He told me this morning that being married isn’t going to mean much to CPS if they come knocking and it doesn’t look like we’re actually married here.”

Wade raises a brow, crosses his arms, and cocks out one of his hips as he leans against the door frame. He doesn’t say anything, and Peter can feel his palms start to sweat. He runs a hand over the back of his neck and resists the urge to chew on his thumbnail. Mostly because Wade always tuts disapprovingly at him when he does.

“You and Ellie can still sleep in your room and mine can just be her playroom or something.” Peter shrugs, but he physically cannot keep himself from continuing to talk. “I can sleep on a blow-up mattress in mine, or on the couch, or - Whatever. We’ll play it by ear. I just didn’t want to risk that - If they didn’t see she had her own room and it could - I probably should have asked but…”

“So, this is the route this fic is taking, eh? There was only one bed.” Wade chuckles quietly to himself, shaking his head. “It’s alright, Petey. My bed is plenty big enough for the both of us.”

Peter absolutely does not flush from head to toe when Wade gives him a very purposeful once over.

Wade grins, all teeth and crinkles around his eyes, before he turns back to where Ellie is waiting in her stroller. “And if you’re giving up your room just to keep up airs, I can be the one to sleep on the couch.”

“What? No!” Peter starts after Wade, taking Ellie’s diaper bag on habit so he can empty it. “I mean - if you’re fine with sharing a bed, then I’m okay with it? I’d prefer it, actually. But only if you’re okay with it, of course. Not that you have to, and I -”

Now Wade is just looking at him with that cute as heck amused expression of his, and Peter still can’t stop babbling . At this point, he would very much like to curl up in a hole somewhere and never come out. Please and thank you.

With great effort, Peter takes a breath to curb the talking. He turns back to Wade with a quiet ‘ welcome home ’ and kisses him on the cheek. Then he’s all but speed-walking to the kitchen to unpack the snack containers and all that.

Ellie is unbuckled at that point, but Wade is frozen in place. He puts a hand to his cheek, staring blankly at Peter until Ellie starts squirming. That gets him to react and Wade lifts her out of the stroller to put her down. She toddles over to the coffee table, making her confused noises when she notices that none of her toys are where they were before. Right. They’re going to have to teach her where everything was moved to.

Peter’s ears feel hot and he futzes around in the kitchen, ignoring the looks Wade throws his way before he takes Ellie into her new bedroom to explore it. There’s not nearly enough things to keep Peter busy for the rest of the evening, but he’s going to do his best not to think about what’s going to happen come bedtime. 

*

He did not think this through. Not at all . Peter stands at the edge of the bed, staring at it, and realizing that he is well and truly in over his head.

To make space for all the other furniture when he first moved in, Wade’s bed was shoved into the corner of the room. They didn’t end up moving the crib into Peter’s (old) room, because Wade wasn’t quite ready to transition to Ellie sleeping in her own bedroom just yet, so there’s really no room for the bed to be anywhere else. Which means that Peter is going to have to sleep against the wall. Since Wade has Ellie to take care of, it only makes sense that he gets the outside edge. 

Peter feels like he’s going to vibrate right out of his own skin. He’s going to be stuck between the wall and Wade . Sure, he could crawl up the wall easily, but Wade doesn’t know that and Peter isn’t at the point where he’s comfortable telling him that he’s Spider-Man. He really should have slept on the couch until this whole thing with Carmelita is over, no matter how much Wade insisted . He even pulled out the puppy-eyes, and Peter was powerless to resist. 

So, now he’s crawling into bed with Wade fidgeting behind him.

Any of Peter’s anxieties fly right out the window the moment he sinks into his spot. He groans and spreads out, taking up part of Wades’ space. “Oh my God . What the hell is your bed made of? Clouds and unicorn fur?”

Wade laughs, a little high and hysterical sounding. “Actually, unicorns are from the equidae family, and they have a hair coat, not fur. The difference is -”

“Wade.” Peter decides cutting him off is better than letting him fall into his ranting. “This bed is a thousand times better than my old mattress, and you’re going to need the Hulk and a crowbar to get me out of it.” He sighs happily and gets all his limbs onto his side. “Now get in here and shut off the light so we can get some sleep.”

With a click, Wade’s jaw snaps shut. He follows his orders without another word. He slides in under the blanket, which is big and downy, but also heavy. Is it a weighted blanket? Peter has no idea, but he loves it and he never wants to leave this bed. Ever.

The light turns off, and they’re both left lying in the dark on their backs, staring at the bars of light on the ceiling coming through the slats of the blinds. Peter figures they’re just going to fall asleep in awkward silence, but he squeaks a few moments later when Wade’s hand finds his own under the blanket. Wade squeezes it lightly, and Peter returns the gesture.

“I -” Wade starts and stops to clear his throat. “I really want to thank you, Peter. For everything.” His grip tightens. “I know I’m a broken record about it, and that you didn’t need to do any of this, but… I really appreciate it.”

His grip presses the ring on Peter’s fingers into his skin, and Peter loves the feeling of it. He adjusts their hands so their fingers lace together, and turns onto his side so he’s facing Wade. “May wasn’t kidding when she said she said she adopted the both of you the moment she met you, and I agree. You and Ellie have basically been family since day one. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep this family together.”

Instead of rolling over to face him too, Wade turns the other way and drags Peter’s hand with him, pulling him right up against his back. Cuddling isn’t something new to either of them. They’ve definitely snuggled together on the couch more than a few times, if only because Wade is very touchy-feely. He toed the line with Peter for a long time before he got the green light that Peter was comfortable with it. Peter has no problem snuggling up against Wade now; happily putting his arm around his waist and pressing his forehead against the back of his neck. He takes a deep breath, comfortable, warm, and already starting to drift off. 

The last thing Peter hears before he’s out like a light is Wade’s quiet whisper: “Don’t know what I’d do without you, Pete.” 

END OF JUNE (15 MONTHS)

Everything is amazing following their wedding. Peter would liken it to the honeymoon period of a new relationship, except they’re not in a relationship. But it’s still good. It’s sweet and they’re a family, and Carmelita ruins it only a few weeks later. Okay, it’s more like her lawyer ruins it when he delivers a court summons with a surprisingly close court date, but he was still sent by her and Peter is not happy because she’s suing for full custody .

They tell Matt right away, and even he’s surprised that their court date is set for July. According to him, family court cases like this usually take years and it’s basically unheard of to have it set so soon. The answer to why that is comes in the form of multiple news broadcasts that has everyone Peter has ever even known texting him about it. And one can’t forget the swarm of reporters taking up camp on the stoop of their apartment building.

Apparently, Carmelita thought it would help her case if she went to the media about how Deadpool, the oh-so-infamous merc-with-a-mouth, forced her into having his baby, stole the child, and threatened her into giving up her parental rights. And, since Wade has a reputation , it’s no surprise that they’re looking for a quick and efficient resolution of the case.

To say that Wade is distraught about the whole thing is an understatement. CPS and other agencies that Peter has never even heard of are knocking at their door every other day, and the stress is having an effect on Wade’s psyche. The boxes are back and louder than ever, and it takes a lot of evening cuddle time and Ellie laugh time to make sure that he can get through the next day without pulling his gun on anyone insisting on sticking a microphone in his face, or shouting at him on the street.

On the bright side, every service that comes to give them a home check has been impressed by what they’ve found. Their apartment gets glowing reviews for being a safe space for Ellie, and her playroom is something most parents can only dream of giving their kids (because Wade definitely added more to it afterwards). While Wade did have to disclose his gun safe, no one was told about (or found) any of the hidden weapons. 

That’s about the only positives so far. Peter has to keep his phone on mute because it won’t stop ringing. It was announced right away that Wade Wilson is married to a civilian. Now that they’re both in the spotlight, everyone and their mother is wondering what in the world could possibly be wrong with Peter Parker for him to marry someone like Wade. 

To make it worse, pictures from their reception end up on the news within the week of the story breaking. All supplied from the staff of the restaurant, because of course who wouldn’t take pictures of a bunch of mutants having a party? Well, they guaranteed that Peter and Wade are never going back there now. That’s a kind of violation of their privacy that they just can’t approve of.

Matt isn’t working on their case alone. Tony got Stark Industries’ public relations team to get to work on getting the media under control. Since the pictures depict an innocent child, they’re easy enough to get them to stop spreading - except nothing can be done about the ones on the internet. Though, Peter is absolutely willing to try hacking, and maybe they could even talk Weasel into helping out. 

Hell, maybe even Tony could help out, but Peter is kind of against bringing him in further than he’s already involved. It’s bad enough that he’s had to take time off work because of how everyone acts when they see him if he leaves the house. He can’t even go out as Spider-Man because of how many eyes are on him no matter where he goes in the city. 

Of course, the only people who actually care or comment on Spider-Man’s disappearance right now is The Daily Bugle. But that’s just a side column lost amidst all the headlines about Wade “Baby Stealing” Wilson. Tony said he’s ready to release a statement that Spider-Man is out of town on some Avengers business since, technically, Spider-Man is a card carrying member. He’ll help them when they ask, but is otherwise a free agent to do as he wishes. Being a member of the Avengers means he’s not classed as a vigilante anymore, so he gets a lot less trouble from the police, which is nice.

Even Aunt May can’t go out because she gets hounded by paparazzi. Both Peter and Wade are furious that she’s being harassed too, but they can’t do anything about it besides make statements to leave their friends and family alone. You’d think that people would actually listen, considering how afraid they all seem of Wade. But nope. The story is more important and Peter kind of hates that he was ever a part of it all when he was working for The Bugle.

Their day in court can’t come soon enough. not just for them, but also for Matt and Foggy. Their whole office is devoted to Wade’s case. They spend almost every waking moment hunting down all the witnesses they can find who can attest to how good of a father Wade really is. 

As much as Peter doesn’t like attacking Carmelita’s character, they’re also gathering evidence of her ongoing drug use and whatever they can to prove she would not be a suitable caretaker (like all the times she harassed Wade before she served him). Her mother, however, is clean as a whistle with a nice apartment and there’s a good chance that she could be given custody if the judge finds both Carmelita and Wade to be unfit guardians. Peter hasn’t adopted Ellie, so he might not even count if it comes to that, especially since he’s married to and living with Wade. 

Even Matt isn’t very keen on slandering Carmelita to get what they want, but it’s good to have it nonetheless. The case they’re building is that Wade is capable of caring for Ellie and that Carmelita didn’t want her from the start. They’re going for sole custody, but are willing to arrange visitation. 

In the interim, Wade attends all sorts of psychiatric evaluations, on Matt’s recommendation, because it’s important to show that he’s not bat shit insane like all the rumours claim he is. Wade isn’t particularly keen about it, but he does everything asked of him without complaint. Peter knows it’s because Wade would do anything and everything that will help him keep his baby.

And, every night, after tucking Ellie into her crib (still not moved out of their bedroom), Peter holds Wade while he trembles until one or both of them falls asleep. They don’t cry, but Peter knows it’s a close thing.

*

It feels like forever and no time at all before the court date arrives. Peter feels like his head is full of cotton when he walks into that courtroom with Wade, Ellie, and Aunt May. Matt and Foggy are already waiting at the defendant’s table. Wade has to sit with them, but Peter can’t. He sits on the other side of the banister with Ellie in his lap and Aunt May next to him. Ellie is sleeping currently, but if she gets too fussy while court is in session, Aunt May is willing and able to take her out to calm her down.

Carmelita’s lawyer is already sitting at the plaintiff’s table, and Peter hopes he doesn’t have anything else in his briefcase, because he has a woefully small amount of paper in front of him. Compared to him, Matt and Foggy brought an entire library. As far as Peter knows, all the evidence that they prepared has already been submitted to court for Carmelita’s lawyer to review. The hearing is to go over it, call witnesses, and the judge will ultimately decide the custody arrangement. 

There are no cameras in the courtroom, and there’s no jury either. This isn’t a criminal court where Wade is on trial. It’s family court, which is possibly even more nerve wracking. Even though Matt and Foggy feel like they’ve built a strong case for why Wade should have full custody, his past could very well come back and bite him in the ass here, and it makes Peter want to throw up.

Carmelita walks in a few minutes late, which already puts a scowl on the judge’s face. Peter counts that as a win in his books, even though the fierce looking Mexican lady that walks in with Carmelita scares the pants off of him. She glares at him, but softens when she looks down at Ellie, before sitting with Carmelita at the plaintiff’s table.

Judge James Kirk (and yes, he warned them about making any jokes) calls them into session. It’s no surprise that Wade is the first one to be questioned. Peter has to fight not to squirm with nerves the whole time Carmelita’s lawyer brings up all the terrible things that Wade used to do. He feels sick, and probably looks like it too, but Matt is a pro. Family court isn’t his usual wheelhouse, but he has counterpoints for everything, all supported by the results of the tests and inspections that Wade has done since he received the court summons.

SHIELD representatives (Maria Hill herself!) are called as witnesses to attest that Wade has been on their radar since he first became active. They don’t deny everything he once did, but they do confirm that the last four years have seen a rapid decrease in his criminal activities, and he has since actually been in their employ. SHIELD has their own tests that they administered to determine if Wade was an acceptable operative to use in the first place, and those results are shared too. 

After SHIELD, there is just an absurd amount of character witnesses that Matt and Foggy were able to arrange to come today. Ranging from the staff at the daycare, to all the friends Wade has made at the Daddy and Daughter classes and the employees there. While all of them admit they were surprised to learn about who Wade really is, it’s an almost unanimous agreement that no one had a clue because Wade is one of the most devoted fathers in the programs. It’s clear to all of them that his relationship with Ellie and behaviour as a father is not remotely defined by his past.

The pièce de résistance when it comes to witnesses is the doctor and nurses that helped deliver Ellie. They testify that Carmelita was very detached from Ellie while she was in labour. Even going so far as to insist that there was no father and the baby was to be given to an adoption agency the moment she gave birth. And then Wade showed up and Carmelita was annoyed , but did confirm he was Ellie’s dad.

According to the nurses, Wade was begging her in tears not to give Ellie up for adoption and that he would take her. None of them had any suspicions that Wade had forced her to have the baby, and they all said it was quite touching how excited he was when Ellie was given to him. On the other hand, Carmelita had barely popped Ellie out before she was screaming that she wanted the both of them out of the room immediately and that she didn’t want to see either of them again.

While Peter doesn’t like it, he doesn’t fault Carmelita’s lawyer for trying to spin it that she was suffering from postpartum and that’s how she was coerced into signing away her parental rights within a few weeks of Ellie being born. It’s hard to tell if Judge Kirk is buying it, but the subject is pretty touchy and Peter never actually researched it or asked if that’s a solid argument. He understands that PPD can be really rough, and maybe he’s biased because of how much he loves Ellie, but he doesn’t believe her. Maybe he would if she was asking for split custody, or even just trying to get a visitation schedule. But she’s going for full custody right out the gate, which puts such a bad taste in Peter’s mouth.

And then witnesses from Carmelita’s life are brought in and they all admit that she was always complaining about wanting to get rid of the baby from the start. The only reason she never had an abortion is because her mother was staunchly against it. Everyone assumed that Mrs. Camacho was going to take the baby afterwards, since Carmelita was having trouble getting ahold of who she believed to be the father and made it clear she didn’t want to be a mother from the moment she learned she was pregnant.

Mrs. Camacho is the only reason that Carmelita had temporarily stopped her usual lifestyle while pregnant. Did she drop all the drugs and the alcohol completely? No, not quite. And when that comes out, Mrs. Camacho looks extra pissed. Carmelita, on the other hand, really doesn’t seem to care. After she’s questioned, she spends all her time slouched in her chair, looking extremely bored with everything going on. It’s Mrs. Camacho who keeps whispering with the lawyer.

Even Wade’s psychologist – one that Peter wasn’t even aware he had – takes the stand. With Wade’s permission, doctor/patient confidentiality is disregarded to discuss Wade’s progress over the years. He’s not perfect, and he’s nowhere near being finished with therapy, but he is getting better. Improving with every session. 

Every hour that passes shows to Peter that Wade has been trying to clean his act up for a lot longer than he first suspected. Which is amazing , and Peter is so proud of him for that.

Due to the number of witnesses, testimonies, and evidence, the hearing actually happens over a couple of days. Peter had been under the impression it would be a one day thing, but… This is, of course, a special case. 

He’s not sure if he’s grateful that the most ridiculous part of it all is that Tony and Johnny are still upset about the wedding. Less so about his partner being Wade Wilson, and more so about them not being invited in the first place. They let their displeasure be known through memes at unexpected times, and it’s honestly been giving Peter some much needed laughs during one of the most stressful times of his life. 

Finally, on day three, when all evidence has been presented, it’s down to the judge’s decision. Unsurprisingly, he’s on the fence. 

Judge Kirk takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. “This is going to be difficult. You’ve made a lot of improvements, Mr. Wilson, but your history as Deadpool can’t be entirely discounted. Clearly you’re trying , and there’s no denying that you’re an excellent father, but…” Shit. The look he’s giving Wade is… not what Peter was hoping for. “The main question at hand is if it’s safe for you to continue to raise the child. If your history was to catch up to you, would you be able to keep your daughter safe within the confines of the law, or would you resort to your previous methods?”

Peter’s stomach is churning. His heart can’t take this. They’re so close . There’s something else that they haven’t included in this trial, something that Peter has been holding on to as the ace up his sleeve. Something that could change things, if they’re worried about Wade relapsing and Peter, as a civilian, not being able to do anything about it and thus Ellie being in danger… Well. Peter isn’t a civilian, is he?

Under his breath, only loud enough for one person in the room to hear him, Peter gives the okay for what he hopes will be what sways the judge fully in their favour. “I think it’s time for our trump card.”

Matt turns his head, just enough to confirm that he heard. With that, he stands up. “Your honour, I request a sidebar to discuss the relevance of additional information regarding my client’s situation that may affect your decision.” 

Judge Kirk raises an eyebrow, curious, but not exactly pleased. “I’ll allow it, Mr. Murdock, if only because I hope you have a good reason for not having shared it previously.”

Mrs. Camacho and their lawyer whisper furiously to each other for a few moments before the lawyer heads off into a side room with Matt, Foggy, and the judge. Wade turns to look back at them, confused, and Peter just shrugs. He knows exactly what Matt is revealing in the other room, and he hopes that it’ll be enough to make a difference. 

They come back pretty quickly, and Judge Kirk immediately looks at Peter excitedly. There’s practically a bounce in his step as he settles back in his hair. “We’re going to take a two hour break to allow Mr. Mendoza time to create a cross examination regarding some new information that Mr. Murdock has provided. Will that suffice, Mr. Mendoza?”

The Camacho’s lawyer looks at Carmelita, who hasn’t even been able to fake tears, let alone show that she’s interested in the proceedings. She’s actually in the process of filing her nails right now. Mrs. Camacho is scolding her in Spanish, before looking at Mr. Mendoza for some kind of explanation to what went on in the sidebar.

For whatever reason, he shakes his head and turns back to the judge. “We don’t need any preparation time. If you’re ready, your honour, we can proceed.”

“Then I am delighted to, once again, call Peter Parker to the stand.” Judge Kirk sits forward. 

God, but Peter hopes that smile is because he’s a fan of Spider-Man and not because he’s going to be the first judge in history to be able to question Spider-Man in any kind of legal setting. 

Matt gets to question him first, after he’s gone through the whole legal spiel again. “Mr. Parker, you have previously informed me that, if needed, you would be able to keep Deadpool in line. Is that correct?”

“It is.” Peter nods, glancing from Matt to the confused look on Wade’s face. 

“While this would be an impossible task for most civilians given Deadpool’s training, could you please explain how you would do so?”

“Because I’m not a civilian.” Peter keeps his attention on Wade. “I’m Spider-Man.”

Wade’s eyes go wide, but that’s the extent of his reaction. It’s a little disappointing, actually. Peter was expecting dramatic gasping, clapping, swooning. Heck, even a jaw drop would have been enough. But Wade contains everything else and just stares .

“I believe that’s enough of an answer. I’m done questioning, your honour.” Matt sits back down and puts a hand on Wade’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

Mr. Mendoza makes a show of shuffling some papers, but when he stands up, he doesn’t look very interested in what he’s about to do. Peter has had the distinct impression, over the last few days, that he’s maybe not the best of lawyers.

“Mr. Parker. You claim to be Spider-Man. Does that not make you a vigilante? The definition of vigilante is -”

Judge Kirk interrupts with a little cough. “We all know what a vigilante is, Mr. Mendoza. Please answer the question, Mr. Parker.” 

“I was exonerated of any charges of vigilantism when I was accepted into the ranks of the Avengers.” And he really should probably thank Tony for that some day. Even if the only reason he joined them was because Tony and Steve badgered him into it over the course of a few years.

“But isn’t it true that you haven’t worked with them in years?”

Peter still hasn’t broken eye contact with Wade. “When they call, I answer. Otherwise, I operate separately from them so that I can continue to help the everyday people and keep the city a little safer. Since I work for Stark Industries, Tony has granted me some leeway in being able to leave my job for bigger issues like a rampaging super villain that would otherwise still fall under something too small for the Avengers to assemble for.” 

Mr. Mendoza has a few more questions and Peter answers them all honestly. From how long he’s been Spider-Man, to how he has managed to keep this a secret for this long. Or if Wade was aware prior to today, and how Peter has balanced this with his duties as Ellie’s stepdad.

“Quite easily, actually. Spider-Man isn’t the only superhero in New York. There’s quite a few others who picked up the slack once I realized that I couldn’t shoulder the safety of the whole city on my own.” Now this is where he lies just a very little bit under oath. But nobody can know that he and Wade aren’t actually together . “Before Wade and I got together, and before we got married, I always made it a point to be there for him and Ellie over being Spider-Man.”

“Thank you, Mr. Parker. I’m done as well, your honour.” 

“Great!” Judge Kirk looks like he’s trying not to actively wiggle in his chair. “Then I’ll retire to my chambers with the evidence given. I ask that everyone sit tight in here. I’ll be back within the hour with my decision.” 

He gets up, but before he leaves, he passes Peter his gavel and a marker. Where he got the marker from is beyond him, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s heavily in the Spider-Man corner. Judge Kirk is practically bouncing when he takes his signed gavel back to his chambers with him. 

Peter returns to sitting with Aunt May. Ellie squeals and reaches for him, and he takes her just to blow a raspberry against her cheek. She’s apparently content to chew happily on a well worn teething ring, giggling when Peter tickles her stomach and slapping at his hands if he tries to teasingly pull the toy away from her. 

Wade, spookily enough, doesn’t turn around now that they’re on break. He’s sitting ramrod straight in his seat, staring forward. He nods and grunts whenever Matt whispers something to him, but otherwise he’s very much not having the kind of reaction that Peter would have expected to the announcement that he’s married to Spider-Man. Maybe (read: definitely) it would have been better to tell Wade long before this in a one-on-one meeting.

Peter reaches out to put a hand on his back, and that does get Wade to turn to look at him. He gives a small, hopeful smile. “Wade -”

He’s cut off when Wade lifts a hand, palm out in that universal sign to stop. “I’m processing.”

As if Peter didn’t feel sick enough. He bites his lip. “Is… Is it a good processing or a bad processing…?”

“I’m processing .” And then Wade boops Ellie on the nose and turns back around. 

In the time that the judge is making his decision, Carmelita starts complaining about how long this is all taking. She hasn’t even so much as looked at Ellie once since the trial started three days ago. Peter hopes that the judge took note of that too. While Deadpool might not be the safest to be around, Wade is an excellent father, and at least he actually wants Ellie around.

Judge Kirk is barely even gone for a whole twenty minutes. He takes a seat, admires his signed gavel for a moment, and looks out at all of them. “I am not going to be the judge that sets a precedent that mutants, mutates, and superheroes can’t provide safe homes for their children. All the evidence provided shows me that Mr. Wilson is an excellent father and his past doesn’t define him. He should be proud of himself and the strides he’s made at bettering himself.” 

This all sounds very positive, and Peter crosses his ankles and all the fingers on his hands, hugging Ellie tightly to him. 

“For the child’s safety, I am ruling that there continue to be inspections of the home on an intermittent schedule for the next two years. If there are any concerns raised during those inspections, we will be back here again.” Judge Kirk smiles in their direction before turning to the Camachos. “The fact of the matter is Miss Camacho made it clear from the start of her pregnancy that she did not want the child and her lifestyle does not leave room for her. In the end, Miss Camacho signed away her parental rights and does not have any claim to her.”

There’s a choked noise from their table, and Mrs. Camacho has a handkerchief held to her mouth as her shoulders start to shake. Judge Kirk doesn’t let that stop him, and he continues. 

“I am granting a visitation schedule, to be sorted between your lawyers, to introduce the child to Miss Camacho and her family on the condition that Miss Camacho enter rehab for her addictions. Full custody is being awarded to Mr. Wilson, and we can revisit the custody agreement in a year or two depending on how well visitation goes and how long Miss Camacho remains sober.”

Peter can finally breathe easy when that gavel bangs, finalizing the decision. Aunt May grips his knee, a hand to her mouth and her eyes watery.

At the judge’s mention of rehab, Carmelita rolls her eyes. As soon as he’s finished speaking, she’s already standing. “Finally!” She pulls her jacket on and flips her hair out from under the collar. “I’m out of here.” She ignores her mother’s scolding tone when she calls her name, and leaves the courtroom in a flurry of perfume and Spanish muttering.

Her mother tries to keep composed, but it’s only a few moments before she has her face in her hands and muffles sobs into her handkerchief. Peter shares a look with Aunt May, both of them feeling bad for her. She’s the one who wanted this, but she really went about it all the wrong way.

Mr. Mendoza gathers up his things and whispers to Mrs. Camacho about arranging payment with his office. She cries even harder at that, and he just shrugs and walks out with a nod at the rest of them. Peter halfway suspects that either the lawyer or Carmelita is going to be the first to tell the press about the true identity of Spider-Man, if they somehow don’t already know.

To Peter’s surprise, Aunt May gets up and moves to one of the empty chairs next to Mrs. Camacho. She offers her a fresh packet of tissues from her purse. “I know that wasn’t what you were hoping for. Are you going to be alright?”

Mrs. Camacho takes a moment to gather herself, before she lifts her head and attempts to keep a stiff upper lip. She does accept one of the tissues though. “Thank you. I will be fine.”

After dabbing her eyes and blowing her nose, Mrs. Camacho stands up and moves over to where Wade has turned around to take Ellie from Peter. He’s nuzzling his face into her belly, causing a full blown giggle fit as she slaps at his head with her little hands.

“Mr. Wilson. I would like to apologize.” She holds out her hand for him to shake, and he does so with some hesitation. “My daughter had been estranged from me for many years. When I learned of her pregnancy from a friend, I reached out to her and encouraged her to keep it. I was kept largely out of the loop and when I learned that she had given birth but did not have the child, I reached out to her again. She spun me a tale of a despicable man who stole my granddaughter from her. I pushed her to sue for full custody, and spent most of my life savings on lawyer fees believing her. Her lies and my desire to be a part of my granddaughter’s life have put stress on you and your family. For that, I am truly sorry.” 

Wade stares at her, holding Ellie fairly protectively to his chest. Her bottom lip wobbles slightly, but she just squares her shoulders and keeps her chin up. For what little he knows of her, Peter already believes that Mrs. Camacho is the kind of woman you don’t want to mess with. It takes some cajones to give an apology to Deadpool after turning his life on its head for the last month or so.

After a long moment (too long, in Peter’s opinion), Wade breaks out into a big grin. He turns Ellie around to face Mrs. Camacho. “This is Eleanor, but we all call her Ellie. Ellie-belly, this is your Abuela. Saluda a tu abuela. ”

Ellie’s automatic reaction to the word saluda is to gurgle and wave her hand. Wade kisses the top of her head, already glowing with pride. “I use Spanish and English at home, coz’ I thought it’d be a good idea for her to be connected to her heritage, y’know?”

That manages to crack Mrs. Camacho’s mask a little more, and she manages a shaky smile. “That is most appreciated, Mr. Wilson.” 

“Please, call me Wade. Mr. Wilson is my father and he was a dumpster fire of a man.” Wade waves a hand between them with a laugh. “I like to think I’ve at least put out the fire of my own dumpster, and maybe one day I’ll climb out of it.”

“I believe you already have, Wade.” Mrs. Camacho’s smile grows. “Despite your history, you have proven to the judge that you are better for Ellie than my daughter or myself.”

“Missus Camacho, I gotta admit that I’m not too keen on you quite yet, given the last month of infierno this was for my family, but…” Wade shifts on his feet and looks down at Ellie, and then at Peter and Aunt May. “If you wanted to meet Ellie, you could’ve just asked, y’know? I only shut Carm down when she demanded I hand Ellie over permanently. If either of you wanted a visit, or to be a part of her life, I could’ve handled that. Most likely… I’ll have to peek at that timeline to be sure, but right now I’m pretty confident I’d’ve probably dealt with that pretty well.”

That makes Mrs. Camacho stand up a little straighter, eyes wide and hopeful. “If it is not too late… Could you perhaps find it in your heart to allow me to visit her in the future? I cannot afford to go through a lawyer, but –”

“Oh right, about that.” Wade turns to where Matt is standing off to one side of the room speaking with Foggy. Peter’s been listening in on them, and they’ve been discussing how they’re going to handle the media regarding the results of the case and the announcement of Spider-Man. “Hey, Matty! Do me a favour and get Missus Camacho’s bill taken care of, ‘kay?”

Matt gives him a thumbs up without looking and Wade turns to Mrs. Camacho with a cheeky grin. “Like hell am I gonna let Ellie’s abuela waste all that money just to prove I’m a good dad. Does wonders for my ego, of course, but let’s count this as starting off on a better foot, eh?”

Mrs. Camacho looks shocked, and she can’t quite seem to get a word out edgewise. Aunt May intervenes then, taking her elbow and starting to guide her towards the door. “Why don’t you come out and celebrate with us? We’re going back to the apartment to order some pizza. You can get to know your granddaughter.”

Peter hears Mrs. Camacho murmur about how lovely that sounds, and then the two of them are out of the courtroom. Matt and Foggy follow. They’re getting their own ride to the apartment, but they’ll be joining them too. Peter tries to look busy as he gathers up Ellie’s things from where they’d been sitting. A few of her toys are scattered on the chairs around them, and he repacks the bag quickly.

“That was really nice of you, Wade.”

“I dunno what you’re talking about, Spidey.” Wade sniffs as he lifts Ellie above his head, grinning as she kicks and squeals at him.

“It’s Peter. I’ve tried really hard to draw a line between Peter Parker and Spider-Man. They might be the same person, but outside of the mask, I’m not him.” He turns to Wade with the bag over his shoulder and his hands on his hips. “I’ll admit that this wasn’t exactly how I wanted to tell you, but a secret identity is something I’m willing to sacrifice for you and Ellie.”

Wade ducks his head and lowers Ellie into the crook of his arm again. “Sorry, Petey… It’s just… I mean, wow. My mindhole is kinda blown about the whole thing, y’know? It’s just…” Finally – finally – he looks at Peter. “I’m married to fucking Spider-Man .”

“Surprise?” Peter does a poor rendition of jazz hands before he gestures for Wade to come around the banister that separates them. “We can talk about it more later, Big Guy, if you need. But c’mon. I think you of all people deserve a night in with some comfort food and getting to know Ellie’s abuela, yeah?”

With it being nearly a month into their marriage, Peter is no longer a stranger to kissing Wade. Granted, any time they’ve kissed it’s been in view of someone else because that’s what married couples do. They’ve never just kissed for themselves. But here they are, standing alone in a courtroom, and Wade hooks a hand around the back of Peter’s neck to pull in him and kiss him full on the lips.

It’s not anything like the soft little barely-even-counts-as-PDA kisses they’ve had for the benefit of all the watching reporters in front of their apartment or outside the courthouse. It’s hard, it’s lingering, and it says something that Peter isn’t quite sure he’s capable of wrapping his head around right now. It does, however, ensure that he’s walking on cloud nine as Wade takes him by the hand and leads him outside. 

Peter somehow gets into the taxi-van that Dopinder found for them without being harangued by the waiting reporters. If any of them ask him about being Spider-Man, he doesn’t actually hear it. Too lost in wondering what the hell that kiss meant, and making sure that Ellie is properly strapped into the car seat they had already set up in the taxi-van earlier that day. 

But he does get a text message from Tony before they even get home saying not to worry about it. Stark Industries and their public relations department will take care of everything.

He doesn’t get the full story until Matt and Foggy show up for dinner. Turns out, when Carmelita left the courthouse first and she was asked about the results of the case, she said Wade was married to Spider-Man and left. When her lawyer came out afterwards, the reporters no longer cared about the results of the case and were all about getting answers regarding Spider-Man and his secret identity. To his credit, Mr. Mendoza did try mentioning that Ellie was in good hands and he was pleasantly surprised to learn what a good father Deadpool was, but no one really wanted to talk about that.

Already Jameson has released a statement, trying to claim that he always knew that his former freelance photographer was Spider-Man. He’s trying to spin it that he only published terrible stories about Spider-Man because that’s what sold the papers, and they needed pictures, so he was really just doing it all to keep poor Peter Parker employed. It’s a crock of shit, and Peter wishes he could’ve been there to see Jameson’s face when he learned the truth.

Honestly? Peter is feeling kind of numb about the whole identity reveal thing. It hasn’t really hit him yet that the truth is out there now. He’s still worried for Aunt May’s safety, and Ellie’s too, but it’s also dawning on him that he’s not alone in this. If anyone tries to come after his family to get to him, it’s not just Spider-Man they’re going to have to deal with. There’s Wade, who has made it a point since the media got involved, to tell the underbelly of society that he would tear the world to the ground if anything happened to his family - and he included Aunt May and Peter in that.

By the time dinner is long eaten and everyone else has left, Peter is too exhausted for a Spider-Man patrol. He has an itch for it, but he just… can’t tonight. He wants to be here with Ellie and Wade, and he knows there’s still more for the two of them to talk about.

After Ellie is tucked away in her crib, Wade helps Peter tidy up what little mess was left behind after dinner. He clears his throat while tying off the garbage bag and putting it by the door. “So, uh, I guess we can put the rooms back to normal now, huh?”

Peter was about to pick up the bag to take it to the chute down the hall, but he stops and turns to Wade instead. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Well, we won, right? No one’s taking Ellie from me, so… We don’t need the whole kit-and-kaboodle anymore.” Wade gestures at the bedroom they’ve been sharing for the last month. “I guess I should probably ask Matt how long we need to stay married before people won’t think it was just for the case.”

It’s like someone turned the gravity on high. It feels like Peter’s heart drops into his shoes. He immediately changes his mind about doing a patrol, because this is the type of pain that only swinging can help him think through. A massive lump rises in his throat, and it keeps Peter from being able to even think about making words.

Instead of giving Wade an answer like a well adjusted adult would, Peter just picks up the garbage and takes it out. He dumps it down the chute and goes up to the roof and strips off the stuffy courtroom outfit he’s been wearing a variation of for the last few days. He leaves it in a pile in the corner, texts Wade that he’s heading out to do a patrol, and takes off in the vain hope that he can try and swing away from the feeling of heartbreak cracking his chest in half.

Peter spends most of the night out. It’s fairly uneventful, but he does manage to stop a handful of muggings and one car jacking. He doesn’t quip or make jokes, though. It’s a get in, get the job done, and get out type of night. Confirmation that word has spread about his identity comes in the form of one of the muggers call him a gay nerd . If that’s the scum of the city’s take-away from the revelation of his identity, then that’s not as bad as he thought it would be.

However, he does see the need to point out that he’s actually bisexual , before he webs their mouth shut.

When he goes home in the wee hours of the morning, the door to the shared bedroom is open. Wade isn’t snoring, which tells Peter that he’s still awake (or that he woke up to the sound of the keys in the lock). Peter hesitates, taking one step towards the bedroom before changing his mind. He heads to the couch instead, grabbing one of their spare throw blankets and tucking himself in there.

His sleep is pretty poor, and not much else changes in the morning. Wade made breakfast and he’s perfectly normal with Ellie, but something between him and Peter is off now. Things are tense, and Peter doesn’t like it. They can barely get two words out between each other without stumbling all over them.

Peter wasn’t really planning on going back to work today, but he can’t really stand to be in the apartment right now. He kisses Ellie on the cheek, manages to tell them both goodbye, and heads to work to deal with whatever fallout Tony has waiting for him.

Sure enough, he’s not allowed to go straight to his lab like he’d been hoping. Tony has a couple interviews with various media outlets that he wants Peter to sit in on. They’re basically just to talk about how Tony did not know that Peter was Spider-Man when he hired him, or even when he was given the Stark Scholarship back in high school. It’s actually pretty embarrassing, and Peter prays that all of this will blow over sooner rather than later. 

But with all the attention from the case, and the widespread coverage about his identity, Peter wonders if maybe it would be safer that he and Wade move somewhere else. They’ve been inconveniencing a lot of their (mostly) wonderful neighbours over the last month with all the reporters staking out the stoop. Peter is pretty sure that everyone has been stopped at one point or another to be asked about him and Wade. Thankfully, no one had anything bad to say about them. 

The worst that was ever said was by a douchey gym Chad-type that Peter doesn’t really know from the third floor. He made some offhand comment about how Wade is a pretty decent guy despite looking so messed up, and that he admires how a dad could keep so fit. 

All in all, it’s not a bad day. Except that Peter doesn’t get a single text message from Wade. That’s practically unheard of since the day they moved in together. Wade is always sending some kind of meme, or a picture (or video) of Ellie doing something cute. Sometimes he just sends a 8======D for no reason whatsoever because that’s the kind of adorable dumbass he is.

He’s the kind of dumbass that Peter is irrevocably in love with, and he wants to die because Wade mentioned divorce . But Peter doesn’t want a divorce. He doesn’t want to stop sharing a bed with Wade. He doesn’t want to stop being a family in reality and on paper. He wants – God, he wants everything . 

By the time Tony sends him off for the day, Peter’s mood is still sour. He goes out for another patrol, but still makes sure that he’s home for dinner. If only because he’s really missing them both, and because Wade finally texts him. It’s a picture of Ellie sitting in front of the door, staring hard at it, and that’s enough to make him change course and go home. She’s waiting for him, and Peter isn’t going to disappoint her. 

“Papi!” Ellie shrieks as soon as he’s in through the door, and she starts toddling his way. He scoops her up just as she stumbles and covers her face in kisses until she’s squealing. 

Wade holds back a bit, looking cautious. “Hey Pete. Welcome home.”

Peter feels everything in him start to freeze up, but he forces a smile and tries to ignore it, even though he can’t quite meet his eyes. “Thanks, Wade.”

On the plus side, at least Wade has the courtesy to wait until Ellie is asleep later that evening before he broaches the topic of the tension between them. “So, hey, just a question. If y’don’t mind me asking, that is.”

Peter is elbow deep in suds, washing the dishes from dinner, and he doesn’t really think twice about humming an acknowledgement.

“Are you… mad at me?”

“No.”

It’s the truth. Peter isn’t mad at anyone. He’s certainly sad, though. If he was going to be mad, it would be at himself for getting so swept up in everything this last month that he forgot their wedding has always been a sham. It was purely to keep Ellie safe and with Wade, not because they actually love each other. Just because his vows were real doesn’t mean Wade’s were, and – 

The dish in his hand cracks sharply and he drops everything, taking a quick step back from the sink in surprise. 

“Shit, are you okay?” Wade is at his side in an instant, grabbing at Peter’s hands to check them over. “Don’t know your own strength there, huh?”

Peter jerks his hands free and takes a big step back, trying to put some distance between them. If Wade is just going to divorce him, Pete needs to shut the fun stuff about their friendship down until he’ll stop hurting over all this; until he’s not in love with Wade anymore; until they can go back to being just friends and roommates. Everything will be okay again when he stops feeling .

Silence reigns in the kitchen for a long moment before Peter mutters that he’s okay. He steps up to the sink again, ready to fish out the broken pieces and get back to work, but his spidey-senses tingle too little too late. Peter finds himself shoved to the side and squished into the corner of the counter before he has a chance to react. Wade plants both hands on the counter on either side of him, boxing Peter in and towering over him. His expression is flat and eyes calculating.

“What the hell’s up with you?” Wade leans in and Peter curls away, folding back over the counter in a way that should not be comfortable for most people. “We win the case and as soon as we’re finally alone again, you shut up tighter than a clam in a cloister. You won’t look at me, you barely talk to me, and you slept on the couch .” 

Wade slides that little bit closer. A bare inch between them and Peter can feel the heat radiating off of him. “What’s going on, Pete? Coz’ if this is a big ol’ case of miscommunication, I can tell you right now that I’m not gonna stand for it. Not in my nice wholesome family fic, nuh-uh. No siree.”

Peter kind of hates how his body is reacting right now because Wade practically has him pinned against the counter and it’s doing things to him. He swallows thickly and puts a hand to Wade’s chest to shove him back a few steps. Peter needs room to breathe or he’s going to have a southern problem on his hands. 

Wade doesn’t go far. He crosses his arms and stares Peter down. Feeling larger than life, just like he always does.

Pinned under that gaze, Peter hugs himself and shuffles on his feet. He weighs the odds of Wade being able to stop him before he can throw himself out the nearest window. But he can’t keep running, can he? He can’t avoid Wade or this topic forever, and eventually they’re going to have to sit and talk about this situation between them.

The last thing Peter expects is for Wade to suddenly sigh heavily as his whole frame sags, arms dropping. The puppy eyes are out in full effect and they wrench at something inside of Peter. “Is… is it something I did, Pete? I knew shit was gonna change when the case was over, for better or for worse, but… I wasn’t expecting it to happen on a dime like that.” He runs a hand over his head and glances around the room, looking lost.

Shit. Peter hates that he’s the reason for that expression on Wade’s face. Before he knows it, he’s pressing into Wade’s chest, arms around his waist and tucking his face into the soft blue fabric of the Adventure Time t-shirt Wade chose to wear today. Without hesitation, Wade hugs him back. Hard . He squeezes Peter so tight that it’s almost hard to breathe, but he doesn’t complain. Wade buries his face in Peter’s hair and they stand there like that for a really long time. 

It takes a dog’s age, but Peter does eventually manage to find his voice. “I don’t want to get divorced.” He knows Wade heard him because he goes still. Barely breathing as Peter keeps talking. “I will if that’s what you want, but I… I don’t want to. I like being married to you. I like boasting at the office about how my husband is a hell of a cook and the sweetest dad in the world.” Wade squeezes him again, but doesn’t interrupt. “I like that you snore when you’re on your back, but snuffle into the pillow when you’re on your stomach. I love that you always want to be the little spoon."

Wade interrupts with a quiet noise of protest. “How do you know that?”

“You make me spoon you at night sometimes.” Aside from that first time they shared a bed together, any time Wade has dragged Peter into a cuddle under the covers has been while he’s dead asleep. Apparently he’s part koala when he’s unconscious, and Peter loves that about him. “I’m not complaining, though.” Finally, Peter peels his face off Wade’s chest to look up at him. “Wade, I love our family. I want to keep it.”

Wade looks down at him with this kind of mystified expression that makes Peter want to melt. “I mean… I don’t plan on moving out any time soon, Petey. We’ll still be here, but with the added bonus that you can actually start dating again.”

“I’ve lived with you for a year and a half. Have you ever seen me go on a date?” Peter rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to date other people, Wade. I want to date you .” And the fact that Wade is apparently not grasping that is kind of worrying. Is he being purposefully obtuse?

Wade just cocks his head to the side. “But we’re already married, y’know? Nobody is going to be checking to see if we’re romantic or not anymore, and there are plenty of people who have open relationships.”

He’s gotta be joking. Peter has the strong urge to start pulling his hair out. “Are you kidding me?”

“Hey, don’t be so rude to the poly lifestyle, Pete. I’ve dabbled in it a time or two, and it’s not half bad.”

“Wade.” Peter reaches up and grabs him by the face to make sure Wade is looking him in the eye and actually understands what he’s saying. “I don’t want to date anyone else. I don’t want to get divorced. I am in love with you.”

Wade opens his mouth like he’s about to argue, or say something equally stupid that’ll make Peter want to put his head through a wall. So, instead, he kisses him. It’s not exactly like the one they had at the courthouse, but it’s a near thing. This time, though, Peter is the one who puts his all into it. Licking into Wade’s mouth with a single minded purpose as he stands on his tiptoes.

Wade groans into it and his hands drop to Peter’s hips, gripping tight. God, Peter wants to climb him like a tree . He can’t stop himself from pressing forward until Wade starts backing up. They keep going until they bump into the back of the couch. Both of them taste like after dinner coffee and the remnants of their meal, and Wade is as skillful with his tongue as he is with everything else he does. Peter’s knees feel weak as Wade gives back as good as he gets.

They pull apart with a gasp and Peter feels hazy. His head is in the clouds and he is so happy right now. 

And then Wade has to ruin it by opening his mouth again. “That was nice, but y’know there’s no one watching right now, Pete. You don’t need to keep up the act.”

Peter wants to scream , so he does. Muffled into Wade’s chest because he doesn’t want to wake Ellie and it’s more of a frustrated groan but it’s the thought that counts. But then Wade is laughing, circling Peter in his arms and rolling them both over the back of the couch. They narrowly miss cracking a few limbs against the coffee table, but it works out in the end as they wiggle and squirm until they find a comfortable position. In this case, it’s with Wade settling on top of Peter and snuggling down against him.

Peter covers his eyes. “You’re such an asshole .”

Wade grins and rests his chin on Peter’s chest, his heels kicking in the air. “Does this mean we can up the romance level?”

“ Please .”

Wade grins and slides up to kiss Peter again.

END OF JULY (16 MONTHS)

Abuela and Aunt May show up wearing matching dresses. They have a third, smaller one for Ellie, and Peter is almost envious of the three of them. Correction, four of them, because they just pulled out a fourth dress in Wade’s size to hang in the closet for when Wade gets home. If Peter hadn’t already known about the matching outfits, he would have wondered how they could find four matching dresses like this - but he’s well aware that Abuela is a heck of a sewer and she made them all herself.

“You all look great .” Peter puts Ellie’s overnight bag by the door as a little bit of a hint that they need to be going. This wasn’t supposed to be a long visit. It’s just a pick-up for Ellie’s first sleepover with her grandmas (and, more specifically, without Wade ).

As much as Peter loves Ellie (and he would die for her, so that means he loves her quite a lot), he really needs her out of the house for the rest of the evening. Convincing Wade to let Aunt May and Abuela take her for a sleepover was a few weeks worth of effort. He got the go-ahead the other day and quickly made the necessary plans.

“Are you sure about this, Peter?” Aunt May straps Ellie into her stroller and smoothes out her new dress so it sits nicely under the straps. “Wade is okay with this?”

“May, please. I wouldn’t do anything like this without his approval.” Peter gives Ellie a kiss on both cheeks and forehead. “Dopinder is downstairs, so you shouldn’t keep him waiting. If you have any problems with Ellie… you can call us.” Though he hopes they won’t because interrupting his plans for the evening is going to really ruin the mood he’s going to try and set up. Though, Wade may do that all on his own if he gets too worried about Ellie being away for the whole night.

Abuela shares a look with Aunt May and they both turn to him with raised eyebrows. He’s not sure he’s liking how much their friendship has grown in the last few weeks. It’s a united front of grandmas against him, and this will only spell trouble for him in the future, won’t it?

Sighing, Peter kisses both of them on the cheeks too. “I promise it’s okay. I just… We really need a night alone. For talking. About our relationship. We have a lot of talking to do, okay? Hours of it.”

Of course Aunt May sees right through him. She tuts quietly to herself and shakes her head, and Abuela says something in Spanish far too quickly for Peter to understand. He does nothing to alleviate his suspicions that it’s about his plans for tonight. Was he too obvious? It’s not like he wants them to know that he’s planning something explicit, but… Well, what other reason could he want the baby out of the apartment? 

Peter knows he’s blushing, but he can’t help it as he ducks his head and shepherds the three of them out the door. As soon as they’re gone, he goes about making the bedroom sexy . Which means he picks up his clothes, changes the sheets, and sets out dozens of flameless candles. He turns them all on right away, because there won’t be time to futz with them later. There’s a real candle in the mix (freshly baked brownies scent, which is Wade’s favourite) that he’ll light when they’re ready to get started.

Will this be the first time for them? Yes. 

Is he nervous? Absolutely. 

It’s been a very long time since he’s been with a guy. Not quite as long since the last time he had sex, but, y’know. Might as well be. 

Wade comes home with groceries not long after. Even though he knew about the sleepover tonight, he still looks around for Ellie before he remembers that she’s gone. He deflates just a little bit. “Man, this is going to be so weird without her here.” 

Peter nods along as he starts helping put the groceries away.

“What’re we going to do with ourselves without her?” Wade isn’t so much putting things away as he is fidgeting with them until Peter plucks it from his hands to put it where it belongs. “Maybe this was a bad idea, Pete. We should - It’s too early, isn’t it?” 

Wow, the fretting sure set in a lot faster than Peter expected. He was going to wait until after they had a romantic dinner out together before he sprung the surprise of the sexy bedroom, but it looks like the situation currently is going to need some distractions .

“I’ve got something to show you first.” Peter grabs Wade’s hand and pulls him towards the bedroom.

Given the increasing frequency of their make-out sessions, and how hot and heavy they can get, Peter really hopes that Wade will be all on board with the sexy night ahead. 

As soon as Wade fully registers the extra decor in the bedroom, he honest to goodness giggles . “Oh, Petey! What have you got up your little sleeve, hm?”

Quite a lot, actually. Peter grabs a packet of paper from the top of the dresser and slaps it against Wade’s chest. “There. I asked Matt to write up a legal document about the fact that I love you. It contains every possible argument you might have so you can’t find a loophole. I’m serious about you. About this relationship. This marriage. Ellie. Everything .” 

“This looks so official…” Wade flips through a few pages of it before looking up at Peter with an expression rife with amusement. “You’re such a nerd.” He tosses the packet aside and starts advancing towards Peter in slow, sure steps. “You know I was just playing before, right? I’m pretty sure I’ve very thoroughly catalogued every single centimeter of your mouth in the last few weeks to prove that.”

“You also didn’t say you loved me back, so I’m still waiting on that.” Peter huffs, trying to look cross and failing because Wade is now looming over him with a look in his eyes that’s making heat flood Peter’s gut. “Either way. Now I have to clean Matt’s place this weekend.” 

He turns away just to get out from under those burning eyes. “It doesn’t matter anyways.” He lights the brownie scented candle and tosses the lighter aside. “Let’s get romantic.”

Wade nearly cackles. “You’re a regular Casanova, you are.” And he all but tackles Peter to the bed. 

*

Afterwards, lying in bed tangled up in the blankets, Wade plays with Peter’s left hand and the ring on it. He brings it to his mouth to kiss the knuckle just below the ring. “You never checked this, did you?”

“No? I bought it. Why would I check it.” Peter pulls his hand back to look at it. As far as he can tell, it’s the same ring that he picked up at the pawn shop.

“You should check it.”

Peter squints at him before taking the ring off. He turns it around in his hands a few times until he spots an engraving on the inside that definitely wasn’t there when he bought it. For a moment, he panics that maybe he somehow ended up with Wade’s ring during their wedding ceremony because it definitely says I love you on the inside. But then Wade pulls off his own ring to show that it still says the same. Peter relaxes, but only for a second before he tenses again when he realizes what this must mean.

“Thought I wouldn’t notice, Pete?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“What part of being a world class mercenary do people keep forgetting about me, huh?” Wade sighs explosively and puts his ring back on. “Is it something I’ve done? I’ve got a rep to maintain, Pete.”

Peter puts his ring back on too and curls into Wade’s side, beaming, as Wade goes off on a rant about how awesome he is. Which, Peter won’t deny, he really is.

THE END