Work Text:
Gabe drops his head onto his papers. “I should have been an accounting major.”
A balled up piece of paper connects with his head, and Tess pumps her fist to celebrate her direct hit. “Shut up. Accounting is so fucking boring.”
“At least there’s no ambiguity.” Gabe sits up again and rubs his temples. “I fucking hate poetry so fucking much.”
“William Wordsworth, may you be smothered by your wandering cloud.” Cody raises his iced latte in salute.
Dani shuffles the papers she’s grading. “Why didn’t anyone talk me out of going to grad school?”
“Focus, y’all.” Tess claps her hands together. “We are badasses, we are getting our masters degrees, and we will soon be responsible for shepherding the next generation of analytical thinkers into the wide and amazing world of literary analysis.”
“Before we tell them to become accounting majors,” Gabe mutters under his breath.
“But the arts are the backbone of society, Gabriel.”
Dani’s jaw drops, Cody pales, and Tess looks like she’s seen a ghost. Gabe, though, groans inwardly as The Black Widow herself spins around a chair and straddles it, joining their table with a smirk. “Hi, Agent Romanoff.”
“Gabriel. Gabe’s fellow students.” Romanoff winks at Dani. “Hi, Danielle. I loved your Tuesday 201 lecture. ”
Dani whimpers.
Gabe sighs. “Agent Romanoff, did you run background checks on the entire cohort?”
Agent Romanoff doesn’t acknowledge the question, but conspiratorially leans towards Cody. “How are those antibiotics working, kiddo?” She lays a comforting hand on his arm. “Let me know if you want advice from Dr. Cho. She’s brilliant.”
As Cody sputters in shock, Tess finds her voice and her confidence simultaneously, flipping her hair behind her shoulder with her trademark sass. “Pretty sure that’s a fairly major HIPAA breach.”
“Make sure you tell your mom ‘happy birthday’ from me, okay, Tessa?” Agent Romanoff regards the girl with a cool gaze. “I hope she likes my gift. I wasn't sure which color to get.”
Gabe ponders what horrible sin he committed in his past life to warrant the smothering ‘protection’ of Earth’s Mightiest Overbearing Idiots.
Daryna pops up next to their table, setting a cup in front of the Widow with a flirtatious smirk. “Americano for my favorite superhero.”
“You take such good care of me, сонечко.” Agent Romanoff blows her a kiss.
Gabe glares at his coworker. “Why are you encouraging this?”
Ignoring him, Daryna sings “happy studying, друзів!” before heading back to the counter.
So much for being ‘partners’. Gabe wonders what happened to inter-barista loyalty.
“Oooh, Wordsworth?” Agent Romanoff slides the papers Gabe has been grading in front of her. “‘Wisdom is oft-times nearer when we stoop.’ Makes you wonder if there was a whole generation of scholars walking around in plié, doesn't it?”
Behind him, someone gives a deep sigh. “Natalia, Зачем ты мучаешь бедных студентов?”
Yup, Gabe’s past sins were definitely one of the big 7. Maybe multiple.
“What is happening?” Tess whispers as Sergeant Barnes surveys the group.
“Небольшой литературный анализ.” Romanoff replies without looking at him, instead grinning at Tess. “You’re good at this kind of thing, Barnes. You should join us.”
To the horror of his classmates, Barnes shrugs and pulls up a chair, peering over Romanoff’s shoulder at Gabe’s papers. “Wordsworth?” He snorts. “Pretentious fucker.”
“Thank you!” Cody exclaims in agreement, before ducking his head when Barnes swings that frigid stare his way.
Shit, it’s probably insensitive to call it ‘frigid’, after what the Sergeant has been through. Then Gabe realizes he’s worried about semantics while two of the scariest operatives in the world argue about whether Wordsworth really deserves the title of the Poet of Natures (Romanoff is pro, Barnes is con) and wonders how the hell this is his life now.
…but maybe the two Avengers would be willing to help him grade the Russian Lit Pushkin midterms. It’s worth a try, right?
–
Surprisingly, Romanoff grades much more harshly than Barnes. But since both assassins gave their critiques in Russian, none of the undergrads have any idea what they did wrong.
And even though the cohort refuses to ever again study at the coffee shop, Gabe is entirely unsurprised when Barnes, Romanoff, and a man with an English accent who introduces himself as Vis all plop down at their table in the library. Yeah, he definitely should have majored in accounting.