Chapter Text
Year 840
The alleyways of the Underground City were quiet that day. It was unknown if it was day or nighttime, but it was an hour of mourning.
A little girl sat under a broken street lamp post, her rag of a skirt picking up the dirt and mud gathered around her. A dead flower pot was knocked over.
“Mama?” Her small hands were shaking the woman’s shoulder, weak but desperate. It was the very same woman who never gave the daughter a time of her worthless day. The woman who hopelessly wanted to get rid of her, but who was the one laying in her own bed of blood instead; with no one but the girl to weep after her. It was the sick and twisted joke of her short life. She died at a young age without ever seeing the light of the sun, the shine of the stars, or feeling the warmth of the paving stones on a hot summer noon. A mocking punchline in the end.
“I will be good, mama, I promise!” The girl wiped her tearful cheeks with the back of her hand, and continued shaking her mother right after. “Please wake up, I’m sorry! I won’t ever do it again!”
She apologized for ever asking for a toy. She apologized for crying each time her mother yelled, and for the times she made her cuss at her. But her mother was unforgiving, and she refused to wake up.
The girl was so small, so fragile. Her hazel eyes were filled with tears, red around the corners. Sunken and tired. Her cheekbones were visible, not a trace of a chubby cheeked healthy child. Her hair was as dark as her mother’s demons, and her dried blood on the stones where she gave her life. In tangles, it reached her waist. Unkempt and uncared for. She was small. Fragile. Weak and sickly looking.
The frail silence was unexpectedly broken. The little girl froze, her fear rendering her motionless. Her ears picked up the sound of iron wires from a distance, anchors attaching to concrete surfaces and rising in volume as it approached her location. She drew near her mother, searched for protection, but her cold body didn’t welcome her. It never did, and it never would.
It stopped as quickly as it started, like it was a mercy she’d never received before. A shadow flew above her and the sound of someone landing behind her caused her dirty nails to dig into the cadaver’s stained sleeves.
So quiet. The girl wondered if it was just a dream. Just like the bad ones she always woke up from, cold and teary eyed. But her mother was still lifelessly staring at the ceiling of their city, and the uninvited intruder was still behind her.
She hesitantly turned her head, searching the poorly illuminated alleyway. The flame in the street lamp’s light flickered like it was fighting to survive for another day, and the figure of a man was rendered visible for a short moment.
Her bottom lip trembled. She wished she could call for help, run to someone and seek protection, but no one answered her pleas even when a knife found its place right into her mother’s heart. Her murderer walked away, not a single fear nor hurry in his steps, and spared the little girl as if it was his twisted way of showing that charity still existed in the Underground.
The man under the lamp stepped forward, the sound of the metal of his gear following his each step. His raven hair was the first thing the girl noticed. Just like hers, only way shorter and in a much better shape. The free strands touched his forehead, shadowing his eyes which witnessed the horrifying scene in front of him.
He stood over her crouched body, causing the girl to look up unsurely. The gear that dangled near his hips were unfamiliar to her. On a crossroad of fear and anxiety, she found the curiosity to wonder what it was. She sat there, helpless and hopeless, and wondered who that man was. Why was he watching them? Was he going to hurt her just the same? Why was he carrying those metal boxes?
“Mama won’t wake up.” She spoke up hesitantly, and noticed the man’s gaze shifting to her. His face was expressionless, and his eyes emotionless. The only reaction he bore was the slight angling upwards of the inner corners of his eyebrows. The sad form was similar to the one on the girl’s face.
“She’s dead.” He corrected, and cruel as it may sound, it was the truth.
He was calm and collected enough to confuse her. Even though another tear fell from her eyes, she couldn’t grasp the concept of death. It arrived so suddenly and forcefully. She always thought of it as a bad thing, a scary thing; but this man wasn’t running from it. He approached it, and he greeted it like a familiar face he hadn’t seen in a while, but released a sigh of pity for the girl. She felt helpless, sitting and crying by his feet.
“Do you have a father? Any family members?” He asked. He wasn’t expecting her to say yes, but it was a desperate attempt nonetheless.
“Just me and mama.” She shook her head. It was an inconvenience.
“Get up,” The man ordered, glancing at the entrance of the alley. Uniformed police officers were frequent visitors of the brothels nearby. “It’s not safe here.”
The girl silently obeyed, stood up on her shaky legs and wiped her teary eyes. She was quite short and malnourished, as expected for a child living in the Underground City. She couldn’t have been older than five. Her stained clothes and dirty knees triggered a twitch on the man’s nose, but it went unaddressed.
The man turned and headed towards the opposite direction instead of the well-lit entrance. He noticed the lack of footsteps following him. With a glance over his shoulder, he saw the girl’s unmoving form, still loyally standing by her mother. Her expression was sorrowful, and her hands were grabbing the fabric of her skirt skeptically.
“You can’t keep standing there. Come on.”
The girl glanced at her mother’s empty eyes, asking for permission. Should she trust that stranger and follow him? What if she didn’t? She couldn’t possibly make her way home on her own, not in a state like this. And what if the man with the knife came back?
“What about mama?” She mumbled, unsure if she was in a position to ask him for a hand of help.
The man glanced at the body once more. He noticed how the blood on the ground was so still that it wasn’t spreading around anymore. Its smell was repellent, if not more than the scene itself.
“There are Military Police around. Come on.” It was both a reassurance and an urge, and he kept walking without waiting for her to make up her mind.
Without a choice and an idea about what else she could do, the girl followed him. The sound of her barefoot against the cobblestones reached his ears, and she had to run a little to catch up to him. Muffled voices of neighbours talking behind their closed doors accompanied them, as well as the darkness of the narrow alleys where light couldn’t reach.
The girl noticed a blue door with a handmade flower ornament, and stopped in her tracks with a gasp. The sway of her hair came to a halt, and the man turned around to see her hurrying down the road to the left. He paused, and looked after her with a frown of doubt. Many people faced the wrath of the city, and suffered the consequences of the lack of decency of being graced with the sunlight at least once, never mind the concept of equality. Kids undeservingly scraped their nails on the wall of sins and immorality their ancestors built, trying to climb and survive. And the man stood there, wondered what he was doing. The girl was a potential criminal, even if not by choice, just like the people he never met. For all he knew, she could be the one who killed that woman and got caught red handed. It wouldn’t be the first time a kid tried to trick him with fake cries for help.
But the girl stopped, turned around with eyes as wide as they could go, and pointed at something. He followed, wearing a distrustful expression. Oh, how the roles have changed in a split second.
“What?” He reached her, and looked at the spot she was pointing at. A burgundy door, nothing special or extraordinary. The color was slowly fading away, the pieces of wood falling apart. There was a bump at the foot of the door, suspiciously looking like someone tried to kick it in.
“My house.” She informed, as if that was important somehow. She said it was only her and her mother. The house was supposedly empty.
Before he could reply and urge her to keep walking, she sprinted once more and opened the door, only struggling a little to stand on her toes to reach the handle. It wasn’t locked, and the man doubted that there was any key to begin with.
She left the door open, inviting him in. He had half a mind to tell her not to invite in strangers, but it would’ve been ironic considering their unexpected circumstances.
He pushed the door slightly more and stepped in, careful and on alert. His hand was twitching to reach for his knife, to feel its familiarity in his palm. But there stood the girl in the middle of the room, welcoming him to her house.
There only seemed to be one door, and considering the two floor beds right behind the girl, it led to the bathroom. The smaller bed was tidy and carefully made, whereas the bigger one reflected the mess her mother seemed to have found herself in. The scarce furniture consisted of a couch with ripped upholstery, a small chest near the beds, a round wooden table and two chairs. The kitchen seemed unused.
“It’s empty.” He stated, looking at the girl’s expectant eyes.
She hurried to the smaller bed and grabbed a makeshift doll that was resting against the pillow. He noticed two books by her feet.
She walked back to him and raised the doll, giving him the permission to hold it. It could barely be called a doll. It seemed to be made from white muslin which turned yellow over time, black buttons for eyes, red yarn for the hair and a lot of unorganised stitch marks. He didn’t touch it.
She lowered her arms, discouraged and back to her shy self once again. With the doll she made with her own hands hugged to her chests, she glanced at his metal boxes. She wanted to ask what they were.
“I live close by with a friend. He’ll find a place for you,” He explained, eyes examining her living place once again. It must’ve been a long while since it was last cleaned, not to mention the humidity that was causing the paint on the walls to peel off. “Let’s go.”
She wasn’t disobedient, and she was quick to trust. She hurried back to her bed and grabbed the two books before following him out. The door couldn’t even be closed properly as they left, not that it mattered. He doubted there was anything worth stealing.
༻✿༺
The house he brought her was bigger than hers, and it definitely was in better condition, built in a quieter part of the city. The stranger was lying when he said he lived close by, they walked for quite a while into an area the girl’s never been to before. Not that she ever strayed far from her house, but it was an unknown territory nonetheless. He seemed to be purposefully avoiding certain streets as they walked deeper into the slums.
Their journey was quiet. She didn’t say a word or ask a question once. Her feet were hurting, and she didn’t have much energy left, but she never complained. Her fear of being left by herself in the middle of the city was overbearing. She hugged her books and doll and watched his gear dangle until they reached their destination.
Dried tears on her cheeks and floor rendered dirty by her feet, she soon found herself sitting on a wooden chair that he placed near the door. He watched her carefully from his spot in one of the armchairs. His eyes appeared grey under the weak light of the room, almost unblinking, rendering her nervous and fidgety.
She felt unwelcome, especially after being purposefully placed right next to the exit. Her hands played with the corner of one of her books’ covers. They were resting on her lap, with the doll sitting on top.
“What happened?” He asked, finally breaking the unbearable silence. What had happened was obvious enough, what he was really wondering was why it had happened. Not that the criminals breathing the same toxic air as them needed any valid excuse.
The girl hung her head, tired eyes focused on her bare feet. Her eyelids were so close to dropping completely.
“A man hurt mama with a knife.” Her answer was obvious and insufficient. Nothing the stranger in front of him couldn’t put together at first sight.
“For money?”
“No. He didn’t like me.”
The man frowned a bit, confused by the statement. He opened his mouth to ask more questions, interrogate just a little more and find out the exact story, but found himself hesitating.
“What’s your name?” He asked instead, but didn’t receive an answer.
The girl didn’t seem to be paying attention, her unfocused eyes were glancing at the small storage space where he left his gear.
“Why were you wearing those boxes?” She asked instead. It was getting harder to keep the question in, and she was eager to find an answer. With her lids getting heavier and breathing turning calmer, she missed the man’s knit of brows.
“I fly with them.” He answered, not sure if she heard.
Her head’s been fighting hard the whole time, but it eventually fell forward. With her eyes now closed and a dream already being generated behind her lids, she looked the most peaceful since he met her.
༻✿༺
The second resident of the flat, a man with dark blond hair and bangs hanging over his forehead, was standing over the couch in his knee-high boots. The sleeves of his simple white shirt were rolled up, and he was holding a sum of money as he examined the stranger on their couch. An unused, grey sheet was placed under her as she slept with hands tucked under her head. Her books and doll were waiting on the chair near the door.
“I’m surprised you’re not freaking out about the dirt she brought in.” He commented, taking in the little girl’s condition. He suspected the grey sheet was to protect the upholstery, not to provide comfort for her.
“It’s a work in progress.” The man spoke up from his spot in the kitchen, his hips leaning against the table. He didn’t seem happy about the situation either.
“Why bring her here? I didn’t realize we were running a charity.” The blond approached his flatmate, placing half of the money on the table and pocketing the rest.
The other one wasn’t quick to reach for it. With arms crossed, ever looking closed off, he watched the girl and searched for an answer to his motivation for bringing her into his home.
There was an orphanage located near the central part of the city. It was one of the biggest buildings under the ground, had lots of space to run around and opportunities to meet kids her age. Their reputation wasn’t the best, but the orphans rarely got the luxury to choose. Why did he not take her there, drop her at the door?
“She was crying over her mother’s dead body.” He answered, half-lidded eyes falling to the doll on the chair. It was the worst toy-making attempt he’d ever seen. “Furlan, ask the Fischers if they can take her in.”
The blond, Furlan, turned quiet after his friend’s reveal. He wondered if the red spots on her skirt and knees had to do anything with it, and the dried tears staining her cheeks. The answer was obvious.
“The body?” He asked.
“There were MPs around.” Was the answer he got, and he didn’t question after that.
Silence dominated the place for a moment, and the girl’s fist closed around the sheets in her sleep, lips parting and moving with no sound coming out.
“I’ll ask them tomorrow.” Furlan stepped away from the kitchen, only to be stopped by his friend’s displeased tone.
“Tomorrow? Why not now?” He questioned.
“It’s late. Why else?”
There wasn’t much to argue about. Fischers were a middle-aged couple with a ten-year-old son. The father of the family helped Furlan with leads from time to time to get a cut when they were in need of some money. They lived in the centre of the city, preferring to be closer to the unbearable hustle and bustle of the population instead of living in a dodgy corner. They always had their eyes on the merchants entering and leaving the marketplace, and on their goods. It would take a while to reach there just to ask if they wanted to adopt a stray.
The shorter man with raven hair let out an annoyed sigh, fighting the urge to rub the spot between his eyebrows.
“She needs cleaning.” He murmured, receiving a chuckle from Furlan.
“That she does.”
༻✿༺
It was the day after when the girl found herself sitting at the round kitchen table, wearing a clean white shirt. The garment was way too big for her, and it naturally adopted the purpose of a dress. Her long hair was shining for the first time in a while, the untangled strands feeling soft and smooth. Without the dirt and blood clinging onto her, Furlan thought she looked like a completely different kid from what he saw the night before. Apparently she had barely visible freckles on her nose and cheeks.
“Hey, brat,” The man that found her called for her attention. He was sitting across from her, holding a teacup from the rim. She lifted her eyes from the cup to his face, her hands folded on her lap. “What’s your name?''
Her eyebrows were furrowed, and she looked up at the ceiling in thought as if that was the first time she got asked about her name. The white paint of the ceiling was stained and some parts were peeled off, but it was nowhere near the messiness of the ceiling at her home.
“I don’t know.” She answered.
The man paused, the cup hesitating the moment it touched his lips.
“You don’t know your own name?”
“Mama sometimes calls me insolent.” He realized that her unhelpful answers were usually a poor attempt at contributing to the conversation. “Do you have a name?”
He took a sip from his tea, her eyes curiously watching him, and placed it on a cork coaster.
“Levi.” He answered, and raised a brow when the girl gasped.
Along with the mixture of surprise and excitement; she jumped down the chair, left the table, and hurried to the books she brought. With one of the books open on the low table, she searched the pages under the confused stare of Levi.
Stopping at the page she was looking for, her feet eagerly carried her back to the kitchen table. She stood by Levi’s chair, held up her book and pointed at the illustrated flower on the opened page.
“Lily!” She exclaimed, a smile on her face displayed to him for the first time.
“What? No, it’s Levi.” He corrected, hearing no correlation between the two names.
She looked confused for a moment, turning the book around and looking at the writings beneath the flower. The word lily was the clearest one her eyes could focus on among the rest.
“Levi…” She murmured, her index finger underlining the word.
“No, that’s-” Levi released a sigh, not shying away from showing his annoyance. “That’s a lily flower. My name is Levi. They’re different. They’re spelled differently and they sound different. Do you understand?”
His words didn’t make her feel stupid, regardless of his impatient tone, and she gave him a nod. Her wide eyes were looking up at him, expecting him to explain more with a glint beneath the light browns. He, on the other hand, tapped an impatient finger on the table and wondered when Furlan would be back.
“Sit down and eat your breakfast.” He instructed, wondering why she didn’t touch the food in the first place. Scrambled eggs and a piece of stale bread had been sitting right in front of her the whole time, with steam rising from the tea he poured for her.
She obediently sat back down, placing the book on her lap. Grabbing the stainless-steel fork, she eagerly dug into the food, quickly stuffing her mouth full. Levi watched her, his eyes unfocused as the scene stirred an uninvited memory back to existence.
He blinked, and wondered if she used to wait for her mother’s permission too to start eating, or if it was because he was a complete stranger to her.
“Does your friend have a name?” She asked with mouth full of bread, the bite she took was way too big for her to chew. Levi barely understood her question.
“Furlan.” He answered.
She stopped chewing, her cheeks looking fat for the first time, and grabbed the book once again from her lap. Levi looked at the cover that she was holding up, a questioning look in her eyes. How to Spot a Flower?
“No, that’s flower. His name is Furlan,” He explained, and she took a moment to stare at the word, memorising the sound of it. “Do you know how to read?”
She gave him a nod, which he didn’t believe wholeheartedly.
“Is lily the only word you can read?” He made his question clearer, and for some reason she decided to think for more than five seconds before answering.
“Yes.” She managed to talk after swallowing. Unbelievable.
༻✿༺
Furlan came back late in the morning from the Fischers, shoulders slouched as if the news he brought were weighing them down. He found the girl sitting across from Levi, the two of them having their second cup of tea. He was baffled to see her attempting to hold the cup from the rims, trying to copy Levi’s way of drinking. She wasn’t successful at it, the cup was shaking and the liquid inside touched her fingers, almost spilling out.
“Furlan,” Levi greeted. “What did they say?”
Furlan, holding a set of folded clothing with a pair of old shoes on top, shrugged.
“Paul said they don’t have any space nor money to take the responsibility. But he gave me his son’s old clothes.” He held up the items.
It was better than nothing, but not for Levi. He averted his eyes, looking annoyed and disappointed.
“I’ll take her to Halo.” Furlan was quick to suggest a solution, placing the clothes on the armrest of the couch.
Levi looked thoughtful. Halo Children’s Home was the name of the building he thought about taking her to before discarding the idea. It held an ironic name that fit poorly to its notorious conditions.
“Did you ask anyone else?” He formed a hopeless question, already knowing the answer but somehow biding himself more time.
“I don’t think anyone wants to adopt a stray, Levi. Not in this city.” Furlan said from his spot near the entrance. He was already prepared to leave with the stray in question. She was quietly sitting on her chair, eyes cast down and hands playing with the buttons of her borrowed shirt. Her tea went cold.
“I see.” Levi put down his own cup, sitting straight. “I’ll take her there.”
༻✿༺
Regardless of the circumstances, the girl loved her new, and first, shoes. The pair was used and slightly covered in dirt, but comfortable and it was nearly a perfect fit. Carrying the only belongings she had, her books and doll in her arms once again, she almost tripped and slammed face down onto the ground while trying to admire the shoes on her feet.
“Keep up.” Levi called, leading the way. He had hands in his pockets, narrow eyes cast down and hidden by his undercut curtain.
“Levi!” She called, pausing on the spot and making him do the same. He looked over his shoulder, watching her lean sideways to look at her stretched out leg. “How do you like my new shoes?”
Levi glanced at the turnshoes, noting the faded colour and the rip at the nose of the left shoe. There was a stain of mud on both heels. The pale brown colour matched her new pants and grey shirt. The cold tones fit her no more than she fit in their forgotten city.
“They’re alright,” He commented before turning back around, continuing on walking.
The girl’s eyes beamed as she ran after him, feeling the hardness of the outsole with its clicking sound against the cobblestones ringing in her ears.
“Thank you, I love them.”
Levi raised a brow, catching sight of her as she reached his side.
“You should’ve thanked Furlan. He brought them.”
“You’re right. I’ll thank him the next time I see him!” Her optimistic words didn’t seem suitable for the situation she was in. They were headed to an orphanage, where she’d probably wait to be adopted for years before getting kicked out. The steps that carried Levi closer to the building didn’t feel right, but making a choice was a luxury they couldn’t afford.
He didn’t make a comment, and led her through the preferable lone alleys in silence.
Reaching the entrance of the orphanage didn’t feel like an achievement. They stood side by side, taking in the big old building. It was four stories high, and the girl could swear she’d never seen a building with that many windows before. Levi noticed a few of them were covered shut with wooden planks, the ones that were open displayed torn down curtains. The inhospitable building looked down on them, on her as if she was a prey to be devoured once she set foot in the place. The door had iron letters placed on top, spelling the name of the orphanage with a few parts missing, forgotten never to be replaced.
She grabbed her belongings tighter. Her short lived happiness was gone and a gut feeling begged her not to go in there.
“Go on.” Levi broke the silence. There were no irritating noises of children playing, or any sight of a child at all. Not that he expected to see it, but the absence was unnerving.
The girl looked up at him, unsure and hesitant. It felt like words lined up in her mouth, wanting to form desperate sentences or maybe a few thank yous, but nothing came out. Her lips were tied shut, and her feet were glued to the ground. She didn’t want to go, and he knew.
“It’s better than rotting on the streets.” He attempted to make her see reason, but his words weren’t comforting at all.
Why can’t I stay with you? The question didn’t leave her mouth. She looked down in defeat before taking a step forward, her doll made from an old fabric being her only companion through it all.
No goodbyes were said between them, nor any words of sentiments. They'd known each other for less than twenty four hours, and he didn’t want her. He was only a stranger passing by, lending her a hand on his way out. She didn’t have the right to take it personally and to feel upset, but she was only a child who could barely grasp the reality of her mother’s death.
She was suddenly all alone in the whole world, and it was too big of a fact for her little hands to grasp. She needed someone, but all she had was an old matron taking her in with an inhospitable frown.
༻✿༺
Two days passed since Levi left her to spend her days waiting. Waiting to get adopted, waiting to leave, waiting to live. He watched from a distance, careful not to get spotted until she safely entered the building. He made a detour and visited the alley where he found her to make sure that the body of her mother wasn’t left there to rot until someone complained about the smell.
He stood next to the broken pot. The body was gone, and the red stain on the cobblestones was the only evidence of his meeting with the nameless girl.
Two days passed since he was haunted by his own treacherous thoughts about how he was no different than the stuck-up nobles above ground. He found her in a bad state and picked her up just to throw her into a not so different hell hole, like the citizens of the Walls abandoning them in the Underground, condemning them to a lifetime of suffering.
“It’s the best we could do.” Furlan told him after he returned, and even he knew it was a lie.
Two days passed, and suddenly there was a knock on their door in the middle of the night. Levi, always the night owl, stiffened in his chair. His hand reached for his trusty knife, not taking any chances even though the knocks on the door sounded weak.
With the knife ready and hidden behind him, he turned the handle and expected a force to push it open, but it didn’t move. Because the intruder wasn’t a drunken thug or a member of some recklessly greedy gang, but the girl who he didn’t expect to see at his doorstep in the middle of the night.
She stood right in front of him, hugging her only belongings, and wearing a tired expression. Her midnight hair was loose and in tangles once again, but being irritated by the mess on her head wasn’t Levi’s priority.
“What are you doing here?” He frowned, peeking his head out the doorway to check the area. It was quiet and empty except for the child’s presence.
“I wanna sleep on your couch.” Was her answer, and her answers never satisfied any of his questions, nor made sense in the given circumstances.
“How did you manage to leave? And how did you find the way?” He questioned, not moving from his spot. With him blocking the door, the girl’s heart pounded with doubts that he might send her away.
“I left through the front door, and I memorised the way. I almost got lost a few times though.” She answered truthfully, and watched him fight the urge to pinch the spot between his furrowed brows. His narrow eyes examined the additional dirt on her shoes, she must’ve carelessly stepped over a pool of water and muddied them.
He stepped aside to let her in, only after making her take the shoes off.
“What are you doing here?” He asked once again, insistent. She placed her belongings on the low table, watching his expressionless face to catch an objection to her action. There was none.
“I wanna sleep-”
“Why?”
She paused, her now empty hands playing with the hem of her shirt.
“I don’t like it there.” Her answer was simple enough, and it needed no more elaboration, yet Levi still wondered what exactly made her come back to him.
He sat down on the armchair, the light of the room dim. He had the shadows of dark strands on his forehead hiding his eyes, making it even more difficult for her to see through his lowered gaze. He placed his knife next to her books, her body freezing for a moment. She had the vision of blood splattering flash before her eyes, and the cry of her mother rang in her ears.
“What makes you think this place is any better?” He asked, making her blink and desperately try to get rid of the mental image.
She remembered sleeping soundlessly the day Levi brought her into his home, and she remembered the cold drops running down her nape when she woke up at the orphanage, the artificial feeling of falling from high making her heart pound. The bed was even harder than her makeshift one at home, and one of the girls was talking in her sleep. Her murmurs were irritating to a point where she’d still have trouble going back to sleep even if it wasn’t for her haunting nightmares.
She leaned against the couch behind her, feeling the soft cushions supporting her waist.
“You talk to me.” She answered simply, and the slight widening of his eyes would’ve signalled that he was taken aback, if he hadn’t covered it in a split second.
“So you couldn’t find any friends, is that it?”
“They were being mean.” She shrugged, a frown appearing on her young face as she remembered being pushed by one of the bigger girls on her first day. The hit she received from the edge of the bookshelf still painful on her back, and the harsh contact of her fists present on her shoulders. She was afraid to approach anyone else.
Levi didn’t ask any further questions and didn’t attempt to give her a word of advice on making friends. Who was he to express an opinion on that? He didn’t know any better himself, after all. So he stood up, grabbed his knife and headed back to his room under her watchful eyes.
Pausing by the door, head hung low, he addressed her sullenly, “You don’t have a choice.”
༻✿༺
He woke her up early in the morning, shaking the curled up figure on his couch. Her doll was resting in her arms, and she had trouble opening her eyes. The smell of tea came to the rescue and helped Levi stir her awake.
When Furlan stepped out of his room, he thought he was still dreaming upon noticing the girl sitting at the kitchen table in the very same clothes he brought her. They had wrinkles on them now, and her hair looked newly brushed.
“What–“
“She ran away,” Levi answered before his friend could form a sentence through his slacked jaw. He was standing by the window, shoulder against the wall, examining their surroundings. Familiar neighbour kids were hanging out by their front doors, an elderly man was sitting on a rickety chair with his daily newspaper. The woman who worked at a tailor’s would leave her house for work in a few minutes. Nothing seemed suspicious enough to alarm him. He didn’t expect anyone to come looking for her anyway, but being cautious never cost him anything. “I’m going to take her back.”
“Furlan!” She exclaimed, surprising both men. Her unsteady fingers let go of the rim of the cup, and she turned to him with a grateful smile. “Thank you for bringing me new shoes! I love them.”
Furlan, not expecting gratitude, couldn’t choose from the short list of replies he could come up with. He looked at Levi, but his back was turned. He didn’t meet his eyes, and turned back to the window instead. A door opened down the street, and a middle aged woman with a tight bun appeared, carrying a tote bag as she followed the path to her shop.
“Uh, of course. You’re welcome.” Furlan watched the smile on her face grow, and felt a weak pull at the corner of his own lips. He joined her at the table, and asked her how the orphanage was. She visibly turned quiet after that, not talking much after replying with a simple I don’t like it there.
Both men gave her silence as a reply. They knew better than to give her words of encouragement with a touch of it’ll get better.
༻✿༺
The second time Levi left her at the door of the orphanage, he didn’t feel any better than the first time. The nagging feeling of regret was pulling at his conscience, and it made him gnaw at Furlan, forcing him to ask around and find a carer for her. He said he was keeping an eye open, but he didn’t know any benevolent families; and that even if he did, people could barely afford to look after themselves, let alone an orphan. It was an impossible task, and they had to accept it. She wasn’t the only kid going through a similar fate.
The war in Levi’s mind turned out to be a short-lived one before it got interrupted, because she showed up at their door the night after, once again carrying her books and her doll like she wasn’t going to take them back come the morning.
“You can’t keep doing this.” Levi put a pillow on the couch, immediately receiving a genuine thank you from her.
“Anna is being mean to me, and Marie says I look stupid carrying around my books when I can’t even read them.” She explained, deeming it enough reason to walk around the city in the middle of the night just to reach his place, walking past all kinds of dangers lurking in the secluded alleyways on the way.
“Then why do you listen to them?” Levi frowned. She was being picked on, and he was already far from feeling proud of his decisions.
“They say it to my face.” She looked down at her hands that were resting on her lap. With her slouched shoulders, she looked sadder than the previous night he saw her.
He stood above her by the couch, his thoughtful eyes cast down as the dim light put a soft glow on her face. She seemed to gain a little color on her cheeks, even if it was barely noticeable. Her hair needed brushing again, not to mention washing. Her tired eyes could benefit from a good night’s sleep.
“Don’t pay attention.” Was all the advice Levi could give to a five… maybe six-year-old child. It was not his concern. Anything that was related to her should be none of his problem. He didn’t need it, and he didn’t have the patience nor the required responsibility to look after her. There was no point thinking over the what ifs. She had no other choice but to learn to forget the road to his place.
He turned around to leave, cutting their quiet conversation short and giving her a hint that he was not there to listen to her troubles. He had enough of his own.
“Good night, Levi.” She said before he could shut his door, making him pause. He could’ve turned around and glanced at her, taking in her mess of hair and small hands folded timidly on her lap. Clothes that didn’t belong to her, shoes that she never got to pick for herself, and eyes that were so lost and desperate to make her come to him over and over again, risking the dangers of the night. A nameless guilt, his very own regret.
He stayed silent, and closed the door. Sleep never poked him that night, which was expected. The dawn passed, and the smell of tea woke the girl up to another morning without a single ray of sun. Furlan wasn’t as surprised to see her again, and his expression was indicating that he was expectant of it. He sat down next to Levi on the couch, whose eyes were dull grey under their poorly illuminated living space, staring at her books on the low table.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Furlan sighed, keeping his voice low.
“What’s that?” An illustration of various flowers stared back at him from the cover of the book on top. Why was she taking them with her everywhere? Why flowers? They were not common in the Underground, not live ones anyway. They would perish quicker than the weaklings of the population, barely living with their surroundings covered by dumpsters.
“We can’t take care of her.” Furlan looked at him, waiting for a reaction or a pittance of emotion. It was no surprise that Levi didn’t show any, nor moved a muscle to meet his eyes.
“I never said we could.”
“Just because you don’t say it doesn’t mean you’re not thinking it,” Furlan pointed out. “We can barely look after ourselves. Not to mention–“
“I’m taking her back after breakfast.” Levi interrupted him, already aware of the valid reasons he was about to present. He’d been using them as excuses to justify the path he kept taking towards the orphanage, with the girl by his side.
And taking her to the orphanage he did, as promised, just for her to come back each night. She brought her books, her doll and different stories about different kids she’d been observing. Different scenarios of her getting pushed around by bigger and meaner girls for her to complain about.
One night, when Levi had had enough of listening about Marie’s attempts at taking her books by force, she called his name and made him pause by the door of his bedroom. Her hands reached for the second book that always went unmentioned, compared to her book of flowers.
“I love the drawings in this book but I can’t read the story. Marie says there’s a princess in it, I think that’s why she always wants to take it from me. Will you read it to me?” She asked, her eyes gleaming with hope and excitement. Curiosity rendered her bold and forward. Her small hands held up the book with the illustration of a long haired figure on the cover.
Levi almost scoffed at her demand.
“No. Don’t get any ideas.” And he was gone. The door was shut, and the girl was left to sit on the couch by herself.
Her grip around the book got weaker, and she dropped it on her lap with a disappointed sigh. The refusal made her lips take the shape of a pout, and she consoled herself by going through the pages and looking at the drawings. She memorised all of them; the one with the princess sitting on grass with her people, the one with her standing tall before the monsters, the one with her dark hair flowing through the whole page, and everything before and after that.
When she came back the next night, she looked crestfallen. Her arms were protectively hugging the books, one of them showing a number of torn pages sticking out. She could barely look up into his eyes, and her hands were grabbing the books so tightly that her fingers trembled, tips turning white and the redness of the force almost reaching her knuckles.
“I don’t like it there.” She murmured on the couch, bottom lip quivering and arms never letting go of her belongings. Not even when she fell asleep with her head resting on the armrest in an uncomfortable angle. She did not want to fall asleep that quickly, even though tons of weights were pulling her little frame down. Levi’s metal boxes were peeking out from the storage room, she noticed them as soon as the door opened wider to let her in. Where’d you fly off to? She wanted to ask. Her lids got heavier, as did her tongue. She let the question go.
Levi noticed the familiar drawing of a girl on the cover of the book with the torn pages. Her back turned and a hand delicately holding her temple, the side profile showing her eyes closed.
The girl was quiet that night. She didn’t tell him what happened, she didn’t utter a word about that girl Marie. Levi wondered if there was anything worth reading left in the book, or if there was a point in carrying it around anymore.
He grabbed the door handle to his room, the hinges generating a creak and stirring her half awake.
“Levi.” She called, her voice so meek and quiet. The sweetness of unconsciousness tried to pull her back with all its force.
Levi looked over his shoulder, anything that might slip into his expression was hidden by his collar up and undercut. It seemed like an insistent recurrence of each night. She loved adding one more thing before a good night, anything to make Levi halt and keep listening.
She angled her face up, trying to see him through her already lowering lids.
“Please don’t send me back.” She managed to say before sleep took over once again, pulling her down and silencing the imminent pleads. And Levi was left alone, drowning in regret for pausing to listen to her. Lost and cornered into a territory where he didn’t feel comfortable, where a caged animal walked in circles behind his narrow eyes.
He closed his door to another sleepless night. Another recurrence.
“I’ll take her back.” Levi said in the morning, immediately noticing the looks Furlan was sending his way.
The girl sat at the kitchen table, not showing any hunger for the scarce food nor eagerness for Levi’s tea. Her legs dangled off the edge of her seat, torn pages of her book digging into her skin, and her eyes cast down. It was just a book. She had to get over it, and grow up from her childish sensitivity fast. Otherwise the city would eat her alive, showing no mercy nor crumbs of pity.
“Doesn’t matter. She’ll come back again.” Furlan replied, pointing out the pit Levi was digging each time he let her in.
He looked down and let the shadow of his hair hide his thoughtful eyes. His hands carefully worked on cleaning his knife from unnecessary fingerprints, and his ears were trying to pick the sound of fork hitting the porcelain plate, which belonged to a set of four Furlan once managed to steal from an unsuspecting merchant. Pale pink roses were decorating the edges. It was ugly, and not what Levi would’ve preferred. It also seemed like a pathetic attempt at fixing the frown on the girl’s face, but all it did was help create a scowl of his own. No sound of cutlery reached his ears, and he lifted his head with determination.
“You take her, then.” He suggested, surprising Furlan.
“I thought you wanted me to scout the area near the new marketplace before the job.”
“I’ll do it.” Levi stood up, leaving no room for questions or arguments.
Furlan seemed confused, yet he kept quiet. The look in his eyes showed acceptance, and Levi knew his friend thought it would be better this way. The girl was getting attached to him, and Levi was making an attempt to put a stop to it for the first time. It was long overdue, in Furlan’s opinion.
“Hey, brat,” Levi called for the girl’s attention. She looked up, eyes uncharacteristically empty. “If you’re not going to eat anything, there’s no point in sitting there. It’s time to go.”
Her shoulders stiffened, and she took a moment to sit at the table for a little while longer. A short moment to stay in the two men’s presence, at the kitchen where the smell of Levi’s tea eased her mind and the roses on her plate brightened up her little world. Where no one tugged on her hair and took her book by force, tearing the pages because she yelled at them. Where no one made her cry by her mother’s corpse.
But there was someone, standing in the middle of the room, staring at her expectantly. He broke her barely built walls, and she reluctantly stood up, secured her belongings in her cage-like arms and walked up to him.
She waited silently for him to lead her out, already knowing their morning routine by memory, but this was like no other morning. It was Furlan who stood up with a half-hearted smile. It was Furlan who opened the door for her, while Levi stood still with a knife in one hand and a white rag in another. It had a golden embroidery of a small dove on one corner. Her heart beat a little faster against her chest.
“Are you not walking with me?” She looked up at him with wide eyes and worry written all over her face.
“No.” Levi answered curtly.
She didn’t want that answer. She liked Furlan, and she couldn’t thank him enough for her new clothes and shoes, but why did Levi not want to walk with her? Worry tugged at her chest, and she felt anxious that it was her own fault for always coming uninvited. She was so insolent, constantly invading and bothering. He did not want her, nor did Furlan. They took her away from their home each time she showed up. The choice was made for her. She was to be raised alone, with no mother nor the stranger who came to her rescue to help her further in life. Her place was at the orphanage. She just didn’t want to accept it.
So she lowered her gaze, and walked out obediently. No goodbyes. No nothing.
But Furlan was wrong. She didn’t come back. Not that night, nor the night after.
Levi fixed himself some tea at the quietest time of the night. He sat on the couch, placed his cup on the low table and settled with watching the steam rise before disappearing into thin air. His hands were intertwined on his lap, and his ears seemed to be awaiting a knock on the door. His eyes kept shifting towards the window with curtains drawn.
It was a quiet night. Yet his mind was trashing up the place, slamming into walls built with worry and regret. Regret. He regretted letting Furlan walk her back. He regretted not reading her the damn book before it was torn to pieces. He regretted ever playing a part in her short, unfortunate life.
When the door remained untouched on the third night, Levi took off with his gear before Furlan could wake up and reassure him. The orphanage is the best place for her right now. Just because she didn’t come back doesn’t mean something bad has happened.
But Levi wasn’t stupid, nor blind. He could see the worry in Furlan’s eyes clear as day. He would say just because she didn’t show up doesn’t mean she’s in trouble, but then rest his head in the palm of his hand and stare at the roses on his plate with a frown. It’s best that she decided not to come back, he’d voice his opinion, and then almost mess up their mission to steal the envelope of money from a visiting noble because they were flying nearby the orphanage. And seeing his slip ups were the last straw for Levi, because he had nothing and no one to ground him with half hearted reassurances anymore.
So he flew, and he let the metal wings carry him over the path they took for the orphanage. His pace was fast, and his movements were agile as if he weighed nothing. The force of air pushed his hair back, and revealed his sharp eyes examining the city below. It was early in the morning, and the streets were vacant. Not a single soul was emptying a bucket of water in front of their door in a pathetic attempt to clean their entrance. MPs weren’t around, nor were any self-proclaimed-officer thugs. Working girls were gone from the alley entrances. It was the quietest time of the day, and his inspecting gaze couldn’t spot the familiar little girl with books and a doll in her arms. The thought of her never setting foot out of the orphanage seemed surprising, and her getting caught up in a dangerous situation on her way to him seemed too realistic for his liking.
He returned empty handed with slouched shoulders. Furlan was awake, sitting at the kitchen table with the newspaper open in front of him. His eyes were looking through it.
“Did you find her, then?” He asked, knowing him better than to assume he was gone for a stroll up in the nonexistent clouds.
“No.” Levi answered honestly, and placed his gear back in its place. He was almost out of gas. It was stupid of him to go out recklessly, flying over the city with no clear goal in his mind.
“You know, I always wondered why you took her back each morning when she clearly knows the way.” Furlan mentioned before taking a sip from his tea. In the papers were written of a fight breaking out near the 11th Staircase. It wasn’t uncommon. His eyes skimmed the words without paying attention to the context.
Levi paused, eyes on his friend and hands helplessly hanging by his sides. Why, indeed? She proved she could find her way around each time she showed up at their doorstep, during nighttime nonetheless, yet she couldn’t be left alone come the morning. Maybe he was making sure she made it to the orphanage safely. Maybe he was trying to ease his talkative, annoying conscience by tricking his mind into thinking he was doing the right thing. Why did it matter?
“I’m almost out of gas. We need to replenish.” He said instead, shutting down the subject. Furlan didn’t seem to be expecting an honest answer anyway.
The next time Levi was out, he was on foot, and his destination was the abandoned four walls that the girl once called a home. Showing up at the orphanage and asking to see her was out of the question. It would create unnecessary confusion and give her mixed signals, if she was even there.
He recognised the worn off burgundy door as soon as his eyes landed on it. It still carried the souvenir of a kick mark on its wood, and it was left ajar for anyone to freely peek inside. He distinctly remembered the girl shutting it close. He approached the door apprehensively, fingers twitching, restless to feel the safety of his knife. It was like reliving that night over again, except he wasn’t being invited this time.
The door made a creaking sound as he slowly pushed it open wider. The abandoned place looked almost the same, but not familiar enough to make him drop his guard. It was trashed, the kitchen cabinets were carelessly left open, exposing the empty shelves inside. The chest near the beds was lifted open yet Levi doubted there was anything left inside. The girl’s once carefully made bed was now unkempt, the sheets scattered around, indicating that it’d been used. There were two empty beer bottles near the pillows.
Levi inspected the scene before him, eyes tired and empty. She never came back.
He shut the door and left. It became slightly ajar after he stepped away. It was an uncanny feeling, suffering from the nuisance of worry for someone he didn’t even know the name of. A little kid. Was she actually at the orphanage? Could he finally let her go, knowing that at least she’d get to grow up, no matter how harsh the environment was going to treat her? What was she–
“What are you doing here?” The words left his mouth in a haze. He didn’t realise what he was saying or looking at until the clouds in his mind cleared, revealing the sight he’d been searching for the last few days.
It was her. Her mess of a black hair, reaching her waist, and her new shoes looking older and dirtier than ever. Her doll with marks and imperfections, and her books with one of them losing the feature to be read. They were sitting on the ground by her side, her arms hugging her bent knees, and her small face resting on top of them. Covered in dirt, losing all the little bits of colour it gained over her visits. A bruise on her lip, and a stain of blood still on her chin. She almost looked just like the version when he first found her.
Levi found himself kneeling before her, a frown on his face and strain on his shoulders. The sight was unexpected, so was the peace of mind he experienced for a short moment. He didn’t fight off the feeling relieving his worry, and fuelling it at the same time.
“Why are you here?” He tried again, not quite waiting for an answer to his first question.
She seemed as surprised as him. Her exhausted eyes widened, and her eyebrows shot up.
“Levi!” She exclaimed. Her voice sounded dry, husky.
She didn’t look like she had much energy left, yet her excitement somehow climbed to the surface. When was the last time she drank water? Had food in her stomach? For how long had she been sitting there? And why didn’t she come back? She would be dragging the knowledge of her inescapable return to the orphanage after dawn, but Levi would find a way to get rid of the chain that was attaching it to her ankle. This time he would, and the very same wire cutters would chop off his built up regret and indecisiveness.
The questions and thoughts swimming in his head paused and got tangled up with each other in confusion when the girl held out her palm, showing him a flower with no stem. The round petals were a light pink colour, one of them looked similar to a heart. For a split second Levi wondered why it wasn’t dead and dry yet.
“Look what I found,” She said, not answering his questions and looking past the worry seeking to escape through the frown on his face. She touched the heart shaped petal, putting all the care and gentleness in her index finger. “It looks just like the one in my book, but I don’t know what it’s called. It was in a pot at someone’s window, and there was a bunch more! I felt bad for separating it from the rest, but I couldn’t resist!”
She remembered the moment her eyes caught sight of the flowers so vividly. It was the first time she ever saw a living flower, the colours so bright and captivating that even the smoke coming from a nearby food stand couldn’t dim them. The petals were so smooth and delicate. She ran her hand through the arrangement of the same type of flowers and felt them tickle her skin. She wanted the whole pot for herself.
Levi, still on his knees, stared at the flower in her palm. Something in the back of his mind started to wake up, becoming hyper aware of the trash and dirt on the ground. He could hear the sound of cans rattling, the source most likely being a hungry rat. He stood up and watched the look on her face change from wonder to something dimmer. Worry made the light fade away from her eyes.
“Get up.” He said, and blinked at the familiarity of the path he was about to take. The one he already chose.
She closed her fingers around the flower, and did as he told her. The books and the doll got clutched in her arms.
“You can’t take me back to the orphanage anymore.” She said as Levi started walking. Her steps were replicating his in a much clumsier way.
“Why’s that?” Levi entertained the curiosity, even though the orphanage was in the opposite direction to what they were heading to.
“Anna caught me sneaking out. I asked her not to tell anyone but she told Marie, and Marie told one of the matrons who said I shouldn’t be occupying their beds and eating their food if I already have a place to go. I told her their food was bad and stinky anyway.”
Levi almost let out the faintest snort that he had the enthusiasm to generate. Almost.
“She said I was ungrateful. She hit me and kicked me out. But it’s true, their food is bad! I’m not ungrateful, because I love your breakfasts!” She completed her story, getting rid of the question mark on the bruise she bore. Her voice gave away the pent up frustration she’d been waiting to let out. The compliment she gave on his cooking went over his head, and he had half a mind to ask who the matron was just so he could keep the name somewhere safe at the back of his mind.
“When?” He asked, voice as calm as his easy pace.
The girl thought back to the day Furlan walked her to the poor excuse of an orphanage that resembled more of a prison. The planks on the windows were as restraining as jail bars, she was sure. Some kids talked about a dark and humid room where the naughty ones were sent to. She dreaded it, and she considered herself lucky for being kicked out with a bruise as a souvenir instead of being locked in there. The punishments were severe, no wonder the children were feral in there. She couldn’t blame them, but she refused to understand why anyone would try to throw another under the boulder for no reason.
“After Furlan took me back.” She answered honestly, her eyes cast down as if she was absentmindedly counting the cobblestones.
That was days ago. In her distracted state, she bumped into Levi’s leg and almost dropped everything upon the impact.
“Why haven’t you come back?” Levi asked, not budging from his spot. He looked straight ahead where a stray dog was sleeping on the coolness of a puddle of water, his back turned to her.
She adjusted the position of her possessions. A shrug rattled her shoulders as she glanced at the sleeping animal.
“I wanted to, but you always send me back. I’m bothering you and Furlan.” She answered, as honest as always. An honesty and consideration she didn’t owe him, but offered anyway. She wasn’t obligated to obey his every word and command, yet she chose to never question them. She was naïve and, despite the hardships she went through, she was still inexperienced towards the cruel hands that broke through the brick and stone walls they walked past, trying to grab and slam them with all their force. She was good, and he should never have pushed her into the expectant hands of agony so they could raise her until she was a hollow piece of meat, resembling a human.
Levi found the strength to walk forward. The footsteps rising from her shoes confirmed she was following. They reached the familiar place that Levi and Furlan inhabited, and she took off her shoes before entering without Levi having to tell her.
Furlan was there to greet them, leaning against a windowsill with curtains drawn to keep away any unwanted attention. A stranger that she’d never seen before was sitting on the couch that she always slept on. He kept his head down, eyes not leaving his red vest. His seemingly curly hair was short, and nothing about his appearance indicated that he was trouble. Maybe except for the fresh cuts and bruises near his cheekbones, but that was a familiar sight around these parts of town, and she was in no place to judge.
“Ah, there she is. You’ve found her.” Furlan wore a pleasant expression, his lips turning into a faint smile before a frown took notice of the bruise on her lip.
“So I have. Who’s this?” Levi questioned, examining the man on his couch. He awkwardly shifted under Levi’s unbreakable gaze.
“Yan, the new one I told you about. Yan, this is Levi. He might look intimidating at first but you’ll get used to him.” Furlan introduced, and as Levi scoffed at his poor attempt at an introduction, the girl stood silently by the door. Her arms were getting tired and her knees weren’t coping well either. Exhaustion made her feel cold down to her bones, her stomach protested in desperate need of food, and she fought hard not to sway on her feet. Yet, all she wanted to do at that moment was to take a step forward and introduce herself, because Furlan didn’t.
Before she could execute her plan, however, the stranger named Yan noticed her.
“She doesn’t look well.” He commented, and the last thing she could remember was Levi kneeling before her, his face blurry and frown almost hidden from her restricted sight.
A firm hand grabbed her shoulder, her pronounced clavicle digging into his palm. She couldn’t pay much attention, sleep was just so sweetly beckoning her over. It felt like relief, how her already weak guard finally crumbled as soon as she stepped in, and her brain decided it was time to rest. The sound of her books dropping sealed the door to her consciousness. After a horrible few days that felt like months, finally.
༻✿༺
It was late in the night when she opened her eyes. Everything was silent and the room was dark. She could faintly hear someone singing drunkenly far away in the streets. The wooden casement on the exterior were closed and it was thanks to the lights insistently leaking through the cracks that she could make out her surroundings. Her head felt heavy and she could barely blink without feeling the need to never open her eyes again. She was so hungry yet she doubted she could keep anything down.
Rubbing her eyes to push the sweet lullaby of unconsciousness away, she let her bare feet touch the cold ground. Her recent memories were a little bit hazy. Where was her flower? Her palms were empty.
She walked to the door that Levi always disappeared behind. Faint warm light was visible from the threshold. Three weak knocks were heard before approaching footsteps made themselves known, and the door creaked open to reveal a sleepless Levi.
One hand resting against the jamb of the door for support and the other still rubbing her eye, she looked up apologetically.
“I fell asleep.” She said, remembering the stranger on the couch and how she couldn’t introduce herself. Not that she had a name of her own, but that was still rude of her.
“I’m well aware.” Levi walked out of the room and towards the kitchen after opening the shutters slightly to let enough light in. He opened the cabinets in search of some food for the girl.
With sleep slowly abandoning her, she noticed her scarce belongings on the low table. Two books and a doll.
“Where’s my flower?” She asked as Levi put a pack of biscuits on the table. The teapot was already getting warm.
Levi spared a glance for her before walking towards the window. She watched him grab something from the sill and hand it to her. It was a pearl white porcelain teacup with a broken handle that her small hands wrapped around. It was filled with damp soil and her flower rested on top of it with half of the sepals buried underneath.
“It was Furlan’s idea.” Levi felt the need to explain. And a stupid one at that, he wanted to add but decided to keep the unnecessary commentary to himself.
“Will it grow bigger?” She asked, eyes as wide as they could go in her newly woken state and excitement leaking from her voice.
“No. I don’t think it will live long either.” Levi crushed her short lived hope, yet she didn’t let go of her little makeshift pot even after sitting down at the kitchen table. The biscuits weren’t as tasty as Levi’s breakfasts which mainly consisted of scrambled eggs, but she didn’t complain. She needed to eat and dipping them into Levi’s tea didn’t taste half bad.
“It’s called Impatiens. Apparently they can grow under heavy shade, must be why it’s still alive.” Levi read from her book that she forced into his hands. The short information was more than enough for him to close the book and place it on the table.
“Oh! Maybe they’re so impatient to wait for the sun that they grow without it!” She attempted to make a connection, only for Levi to take a sip from his own tea with an unimpressed look in his eyes.
“It’s Impatiens, not impatient.” He corrected, but noticed from her lost expression that she wasn’t making much sense of it.
“They’re so impatiens to wait, then.” She tried again, crumbs of the biscuit in her full mouth fell on the table. Levi couldn’t understand if it was her pathetic attempt at a joke or if she was serious, and trying to figure it out was mildly infuriating.
“Don’t talk while eating. You’re making a mess.” He decided to say, not dwelling on the subject.
She obediently shut her mouth and ate in silence while Levi accompanied her with his steaming tea. It was quiet for a while, occasional chewing noises and the teacup touching the coaster breaking the silence. Levi seemed content enough with the lack of dialogue, but it was wishful thinking that it would last.
“Levi.” She swallowed the last bite, feeling fullness in her stomach, yet still being aware of the need to eat more. She refrained from asking for another pack, or for a new plate with a whole dish.
The opening he put between the shutters wasn’t too wide, and the room was poorly illuminated. His eyes almost looked black, she tapped her fingers on the rims of her little cup-turned-pot under his gaze.
“Where will I go?” She asked, unsure.
Levi didn’t need to think before answering, as thinking was all he’d been doing since she appeared in his life, but he did. And the girl was lost to the thoughts and possible answers that passed through his mind behind his emotionless narrow eyes. His thoughtful silence rendered her uncomfortable and anxious. She wished she could go back to her home and find her mama there. She wished all she had to deal with was her mama’s angry tantrums. She wished growing up wouldn’t knock on her door this early, and force her to face the world alone.
Alone. She wished she wasn’t alone.
“Where do you want to go?” Levi finally responded only to ask a question of his own. It was a question disguised as an answer that she didn’t expect, and she didn’t really need to think of a response. Yet, she did.
Levi, despite his impatience with her slow and intricate thinking process, waited silently. Eyes barely blinking and the empty teacup sitting there as a bystander. She wanted to go back home, before it was made unrecognisable. She also wanted to stay at Levi and Furlan’s home, and she wanted to find out what was above the 11th Staircase.
“I want to go upstairs to see the sky.” She answered in the end, and it was more comprehensive than what Levi expected to hear. It was no surprise she wanted to walk up the stairs, and see the world above. After all, he and Furlan have been fighting for that same glimmer of hope with all they had left, no matter how distant the concept of citizenship seemed. But as of the moment, it was an impossible wish and it didn’t answer Levi’s question at all.
“Don’t be absurd. I meant now.” He clarified, and her wide-eyed expression dimmed a little.
Now, how could she answer that? Why was he even asking? He had to know that she didn’t want to go back to the orphanage, she told him countless times. He knew she had nowhere else to go, otherwise she wouldn’t end up at his doorstep each night. I want to stay here, she so desperately wished to say. She felt safe, surrounded by the clean furniture and the smell of the tea that warmed up her heart. It was natural, and it was instinctive. But she knew she was being a burden to him, to Furlan. They would send her away again, what she wanted didn’t matter. And it was confusing enough to put a frown on her face as she tried to think of an answer. Why did he even bring her back here?
“You take too long. Where?” Levi insisted, his impatience slowly reaching its limit.
“I don’t have any place to go.” She shrugged, unsuccessful at her attempt to find any other answer than I want to stay here, please don’t send me away.
“You never really answer my questions, you know that?” Levi looked down with a sigh, dissatisfaction on his face. She was confused about the reply, and her lips were tied shut to prevent herself from saying something irrelevant once more as he stood up to clean the table.
“Go back to sleep, if you can,” He said afterwards, ready to head back into his room. With hands around her pot and head hanging low, she prepared herself to go back to the couch for a night she’d spend watching the ceiling. Her shoulders were slouched with the dread of the certainty that she’d be sent away in the morning, but his next words sent a jolt through her body and made her head shoot up in surprise. “Tomorrow you’ll learn how to keep the place clean. If you want to stay here, you’ll listen to me and do as I say.”
Think and decide until the morning, he thought of adding, but the shine in her eyes and the gap between her smiling lips pushed the words back down. By the look of her joyful face despite the physical and mental exhaustion, there wouldn’t be any thinking on the matter.
She felt it, the tightening of her fingers around the cup and the stiffness on her cheeks from the growing smile. She felt the increase of her excited heartbeat and an emotion she could only describe as happiness spread around her chest. Relief was etched into her bones, and she considered the possibility of dreaming.
But even after Levi was gone and hidden behind his door, his voice remained. A loop sounding like a lullaby in her mind, keeping her awake through the whole night until her brain couldn’t take it anymore, and the fatigue of continuous thinking and overbearing relief put her back to sleep.