Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Here we go, Five thought as his mother's SUV pulled away from the curb. 

Five stood on the sidewalk and nervously smoothed the front of his sweater vest for what was probably the millionth time that morning. He usually felt his best when dressed professionally, but for some reason it wasn't helping at all this morning.

Five had no reason to feel so nervous. After all, it wasn't like this was cheer or gymnastics nationals or something. It was just his first day of eighth grade at a new middle school. In an unfamiliar town, where he didn't know anybody. He was totally freaking out.

If it wasn't for his dad's new job, Five would be walking into first period at his regular school with his old friends instead of being the friendless new weird kid who shows up out of nowhere to a new school in the middle of October. 

But whatever, this was going to be fine. Great, even. Five was determined to make the best of the situation. This would be just like the first time he had coffee– weird for a second, unfamiliar and super overpowering, but then he'd grow to love it. Besides, it wasn't like he could hide in his room until high school or something.

Unless– no, no, he was going to school and it would be great. Taking a deep breath, Five threw his shoulders back and set his face in a determined smile before clapping his hands twice, like at the beginning of a cheer. Then, fingers digging tightly into his backpack straps, Five bravely made his way toward the front entrance.

His old school had been a modern collection of box-shaped buildings, all beige stucco and brown corrugated metal like the ugliest Lego set ever made. Franklin Grove Middle School was vastly different. It looked medieval, like an ancient castle from a gothic period piece. Ivy hung from huge stone entryway columns and beyond the enormous oak front doors was a hallway big enough for a car to comfortably. drive through. Five's old school was plastered with inspirational posters proclaiming nonsense like "Live every day like it's today!"

Here, black-and-white school photographs hung on the walls dating practically back to the Paleozoic era. One of the pictures Five passed displayed some serious-looking students above a plaque that said "Convocation 1912"

Although it was more than a little overwhelming, at least all the sounds were the same: lockers clanging, shoes squeaking on linoleum, people talking and laughing. To stop himself from clamping his hands over his ears, Five tightened his grip on his backpack straps and made his way through the bustle.

There seemed to be a lot more Goths here than there had been back home. They were as black and white as the photographs lining the walls black clothes, chunky black boots and pale faces with the occasional flash of dark skin.

Five caught his own reflection in a display case. The baby blue backpack he had used since childhood stood out in front of tarnished trophies and a dark banner declaring "Go Franklin Grove Devils," looking like a balloon in a graveyard. The little cloud on the main pocket smiled brightly but Five could feel his own smile slipping off. He was never going to fit in here.

"Rise and shine," a deadpan voice interrupted.

Startled, Five realized he was blocking the path of a Goth girl. She had bright white– or platinum blonde, Five supposed– hair kept out of her heavily made-up dark brown eyes with two bobby pins and was wearing a constellation patterned dress with an asymmetrical hem that started above one knee and ended at her other ankle. 

Five stepped to the left, trying to get out of the way, but the girl had the same idea. They both stepped in the other direction, then both stepped back again. Five laughed apologetically, only getting a confused squint in response. 

"Do I…" the girl began, cocking her head to the side like a confused cat. "You're new here," she concluded. It wasn't a question. 

"Is it that obvious?" Five joked, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Yes," she said without a hint of humour in her voice, as another Goth in a black and grey sweater, his dark hair covering one eye and a camera hanging around his neck approached. "So you're probably looking for the office, yeah?"

When Five confirmed her assumption, the Goth girl pointed him in the right direction before nodding to acknowledge her friend, "Turn at the end of the hall, Office is on the right.

So Five had been going in the completely wrong direction. "Thanks," he said sheepishly, "I probably would have been wandering the halls looking for the principal's office until I got sent to the principal's office for wandering the halls!"

Thankfully, both of the Goths cracked a smile. Then the white-haired girl went back to squinting at Five like she was trying to remember something. Finally, she shrugged. "Well, good luck," she said in the same humourless voice before walking off down the hall with her friend.

The office was exactly where she said it would be.

"Have a seat over there," the grey-haired receptionist said. "Principal Whitehead will be with you in just a minute."

Five turned around and saw a boy with short, sleek-looking black hair sitting in a chunky black electronic wheelchair, reading a thick, beaten-up paperback. The boy. wore jeans, a hooded leather jacket and scuffed yellow converse, and hanging off the wheelchair was a canvas bag with a bunch of pins on the strap. One of the pins displayed a violin, another declared "Alien Spawn are people too!" and a third had blue, pink and white stripes. 

Finally , Five thought, someone who isn't wearing all black! He approached them, hand held out. "Hi, Fivany Abbott."

The boy looked from his book, eyebrows knit together. 'No, I'm Viktor. Viktor Herasymenko."

Five laughed. "No, I mean my name's Five," He explained, "Nice to meet you, Viktor." 

Viktor made an I'm-such-a-dork face and shook Five's hand. "Sorry, I'm just like, super into this book."

Five sat down in the chair next to him. "Isn't that the best when you get so caught up in a book that you're, like, in a whole different world?"

"I know!" Viktor agreed eagerly. He held up the cover of his paperback. Random Access by Coal Knightley, the Second Book in the Cyborg Trilogy. "Ever read it?"

"Nope. Is it any good?" Five asked.

"Are you kidding? Viktor cried, "This is my third time through!"

"That's exactly how I am with the Count Vira books," Five sighed, "You know- vampires, bloodsucking, frilly collars and dark romance. They're sort of my secret vice 

"Don't worry," Viktor reassured him, grinning, "Your secret's safe with me– as long as you don't tell anyone I can speak the Cyborg Beta language." 

Five laughed. "It's a deal."

The principal appeared, looking like school principals everywhere: receding hairline, overwhelming beige clothes, bad tie. 

"Fivany Abbott?" He said. "Welcome to Franklin Grove."

🚀

Luna could’ve bitten her best friend Diego, for abandoning her as soon as they got to social studies. So what if they were almost late? That didn't mean Diego had to sweep away to his desk the second they arrived, leaving Luna standing like a zombie in the doorway as her eyes fell on Allison.

Luna reached up and clutched the ring hanging from the velvet necklace she wore, rubbing her thumb over the dark emerald, hoping it would ward off her fear like a magic charm. Not likely.

It had been three weeks since Ms. Starling assigned seats and Luna still felt like she was caught in direct sunlight without sunblock or long sleeves. Sitting at a desk next to drop-dead stunning Allison Daniels each morning was torture. Quite enjoyable torture but still.

She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other, black boots clomping on the linoleum floor, as she shot Diego her meanest look- the death squint- while she passed him. Diego rolled his eye and offered his middle finger in return.

Luna pulled her bobby pins out as she sat down, letting her blonde bangs fall in front of her face so she could secretly peer at Allison.

She was utterly, perfectly goth gorgeous in every possible way: deep bronzy brown skin, full plush lips, deep purple hair that hung in curtains above her shoulders. Luna's heart convulsed. If they ever exchanged a single word, Luna would surely turn to dust. Alison tucked her hair behind her ear with her prosthetic hand, giving Luna a perfect view of her tapping her pencil against her bottom lip. I'm going to fail this class, Luna thought desperately. How can I concentrate on a single thing when she's so close?

A sing-song voice interrupted her thoughts like a stake to her brain. "After I win the cheerleading tryouts and become squad captain of the Devils, I'm totally going to do the best cheers ever! Charlotte Brown declared maddeningly.

Kill me now, Luna thought as she bit back an audible groan. Luna could think of only one thing more painful than unrequited love and it was hearing Charlotte Brown prattle on about herself.

"I am already so much better than my big sister," Charlotte proclaimed, "and she's, like, Co-Captain of the varsity squad at Franklin High."

"Maybe I'll be your co-captain!" one of Charlotte's minions squealed brightly.

"Maybe I can't have a co-captain," replied Charlotte coolly.

It was one thing to be forced to sit next to Allison Daniels and die of embarrassment. But it was another thing altogether to be seated behind Charlotte Brown and die of boredom listening to her endless, dumb, annoying and bitchy stream of nonsense. Charlotte and her horde had been yammering on about cheerleading tryouts nonstop since the first day of school and every word they said made Luna want to be launched out of an airlock without a helmet.

Luna reaffixed her bangs out of her eyes and pulled out her notebook. After angling herself away from Allison- if they couldn't spend eternity together, Luna could at least use her fee productively- and flipping to a page without a doodle of the moon or Allison's eyes, Luna wrote "Former Franklin Grove Cheer Captains: where are they now?" at the top of a blank page in the section where she wrote her newspaper ideas.

Let's see, she thought, her nose scrunching. There was Carli Spith, who now was a cashier at Food Mart. Melinda Willsocks was crowned Miss Revoline at the auto show last year but still lived with her parents and couldn't get a regular job. Who else?

The room had suddenly gone quiet, even Charlotte Brown had shut up. Luna looked up, halfway through writing a third name. 

"Class," Ms. Starling announced, "I'd like to introduce you to a new member of the Franklin Grove community."

Beside Ms. Starling stood the boy in the sweater vest and dress shorts from earlier that morning, looking like a deer in headlights. Luna got the same feeling she'd had when she'd first seen him in the hall– like déjà vu mixed with indigestion. 

"His name is Fivany Abbott," Ms. Starling explained. "He just moved here from Texas."

Luna grabbed her necklace and twirled her ring around her fingers staring at the new boy at the front of the room. Fivany's short brown hair was swept off his face, showing his candy-blue eyes. He was seriously wearing knee socks and saddle shoes. He wasn't the kind of person who would normally attract Luna's attention, so why did she feel like she was looking at someone she had met before?

Fivany was given a desk right near the front, probably because Ms. Starling had it out for Luna specifically and was determined to ruin her life through the ancient curse of assigned seating. No matter how she craned her neck, Luna was unable to catch another glimpse of the new boy's face.

In between trying to learn about the Black Death and trying to look cool and beautiful in case Allison was looking at her, Luna tried to figure out how she knew Fivany Abbott.

She decided to list all the possibilities under a drawing of Orion in her notebook: Kindergarten? Elementary School? Dad's clients? Space Camp? Meat & Greet Diner? Costume ball? Mall? Finally, desperately, Luna wrote... TV??? 

There weren't many people Luna knew who Diego wouldn't recognize as well, so Luna tore a blank corner from the page she had been writing on and passed a note to him while Ms. Starling was writing on the blackboard.

Diego's response came at once: "R u kidding? He's 2 bunny 4 us 2 know!" He'd drawn one of his bunny cartoons at the bottom of the page.

"Love your fur!" one bunny said.

Pink is totally my natural colour!" replied a second, with a bow on its ears.

Luna tried to cloak her laughter with a fake cough, but the resulting rattle was seriously grave. Allison probably thought she sounded like an astronaut with a busted oxygen tank.

Luna saw Fivany raise his hand to ask a question. "Do we have to type the assignment?" Even his voice sounded familiar. 

Luna was more certain than ever that there was something strange about the boy in the argyle sweater vest. 

When the bell rang Luna waited for Allison to leave before she got up, not trusting herself not to trip over her boots and shit in front of her crush. She and Diego were headed to their lockers when he nudged her arm and said, "Looks like the new bunny's about to be roadkill."

Down the hall, Fivany Abbott was standing by the bathrooms, surrounded by four greasy goth boys in too skinny Jeans.

Oh no, thought Luna. It was the Beasts. 

Before she knew what she was doing, Luna was stomping toward the group. 

"New meat," she heard one of the boys say.

"Yeah, dude," Another Beast chuckled. "Like, with ketchup. I wonder if he likes horror stories." They all guffawed. 

Fivany was clutching his pencil like a wooden stake, eyes nervously flicking between the Beasts standing in front of him. Luna met Fivany's eyes over their shoulders. He looked half-confused, half-nervous.

Luna clenched her teeth. As night as her witness, there was no way she was going to let this poor awkward boy be eaten alive by the biggest Goth lovers at Franklin Grove Middle. "Buzz off and die, Beasts!" Luna growled, shoving them aside and stepping in front of Fivany. "Go haunt a convenience store parking lot."

"What's your problem, Luther?" 

Luna clenched her fists, scowl darkening as she shoved the closest Beast away. "You're my problem, asshole. Now put a stake in it." She released her death squint. "Buzz off!

The Beasts laughed uncomfortably before slinking away down the hall as Luna smoothed her skirt.

"I am so happy you showed up," Fivany blurted. "Luther, right? My name's Five." 

"It's Luna," Luna corrected, trying to keep any misplaced anger out of her voice. "Luna Hargreeves, And don't worry about the Beasts, they're harmless. They act all grave but they're not nearly as scary as they smell." 

"You sure seem to know how to handle them," Five remarked. 

"Yeah, well, I'd better," Luna said. "I'm going to put up with them forever." 

Five grimaced. "Anyway, thank you for the second time today, Luna Hargreeves. I'm really grateful." 

That strange feeling rushed back over Luna so strongly she nearly stumbled. All at once, she realized why the new boy looked so familiar. He looks a lot like me, Luna thought. More than a lot- he looks almost exactly like me. A wave of nausea hit her and her knees trembled. She was either going to throw up or faint right in the middle of the hall. Allison would see her vomit or collapse on the floor like a puppet with its strings cut.

Five was still talking but the roar in Luna's ears was too loud for her to hear.

"Later," Luna choked out before disappearing into the girls' bathroom.

Chapter Text

Oh great , Five thought, I overdid it. Why did he always have to act so, so weird when he met new people? Here was this girl, Luna, clearly trying to be nice, and Five immediately started talking her ear off. The poor girl looked like she was going to puke.  Fuck, why was Five so bad at socializing?

Still, Five couldn't help wondering why Luna Hargreeves had gone out of her way to help him. After all, Luna was seriously goth. Not that Five had anything against goths but she and Five ran in very different circles. For someone like her to be friendly to Five twice in one morning was unusual, to say the least.

Whatever. Five had gym next and he needed to find the locker room and change as fast as he could. The principal had said that Ms. Barnett, his PE teacher, was also the cheerleading coach and Five wanted to make a stellar first impression. 

"You're not wearing socks, Mr. Abbott," Ms. Barnett admonished sternly the second after Five managed to introduce himself. "This is Physical education class, young man. How can you receive a physical education if your feet are not properly attired?"

Struggling to keep smiling while also trying to nod seriously, Five quickly launched into his annoyed teacher dialogue tree. "I completely agree," Five said with all the organic-sounding sincerity he could muster. "I've done cheer since I was eight and gymnastics since I was four, so I totally understand the danger of painful blisters and unwanted foot fungus. I promise not to forget my socks again, ma'am."

Ms. Barnett nodded with begrudging respect, the barest hint of a smile on her face. 

There isn't a female gym teacher on earth who doesn't love being called ma'am, he thought. Five: 1, Social situations: 0.

After Ms. Barnett had given him the details of the squad tryouts coming up in three weeks, she led Five across the gym to where three students were taking turns doing handsprings. She gestured to one tan girl with a sleek blond ponytail, who bounced right over. 

"Charlotte Brown, this is Fivany Abbotts. He's also interested in trying out for the squad."

You're the new kid!" Charlotte cried "Welcome to Fraaaaanklin-" she rolled her hands like a motor and threw her arms in the air "-GROVE!"

Five startled slightly but kept his smile firmly attached. "Just Five, actually, not Fivany." 

"Come on," said Charlotte. "I'm just about to teach Hazel and Cha Cha this unbelievably awesome cheer!"

For the first time all morning, Five let himself relax. He'd found the cheerleaders. Exuberant, excitable, if a bit loud, but deeply, comfortingly predictable. Cheerleaders got Five. 

Unlike the other students in the gym class, all three cheerleaders wore matching pink short shorts and tight gray Franklin Devils T-shirts. Five just knew he'd be hanging out with them after school and doing all the normal teenage social activities together before long. 

So Five watched Charlotte run through the routine. The girl clearly knew her stuff. She had good energy, sharp moves, nice tumbling and was loud in a way Five could deal with. It was completely possible that Charlotte Brown was going to be his new best friend. 

"That was great, Charlotte!" Five said. Except, he thought, "devil" doesn't really rhyme with "bubble," but whatever. "We used to do a cheer a lot like that at my old school" 

"I wrote it myself." Charlotte beamed proudly. 

The routine had some complicated parts but nothing too difficult. Five got it in no time and, after a few run-throughs, tried out some new lines.

"You know you're a devil when you raise the noise level!" Five cheered, ending his one-handed cartwheel perfectly.

"Sorry, Five," Charlotte said, running over from where she was working on the hand claps with Hazel and Cha Cha. "I think you got the words wrong- we'd better do it again." Which was fine. After all, it was Charlotte's cheer.

Five was just relieved to feel like he fit in somewhere. On his way to the boy's locker room, Ms. Barnett smiled at him.

"Nice cheering, Fivany," She said. 

Five excitedly tapped his fingers against his palms, beaming. He could have done a flip on the spot! 

"Ms. Barnett says that to everyone," Charlotte said, pushing open the opposite locker room door.

Five shrugged. "Hey, this morning I was no one. "Everyone" is a step up!"

⏰

It sure didn't feel that way at lunch, though. The cafeteria didn't serve coffee and Five was experiencing an anxious caffeine crash as he desperately looked for a place to sit. He wished he was back at his old school, with his old friends, sitting at his old table with familiar food.

Finally, after three anxious scans of the cafeteria, Five spotted Viktor sitting alone in the corner and devouring his sci-fi epic from earlier along with his lunch. Five almost took off running, he was so happy to see a friendly face.

He was almost at Viktor's table when Charlotte Brown materialized seemingly out of nowhere, gym clothes replaced with a pink sweater and white jeggings. Behind her stood Hazel and Cha Cha, smiling hugely. 

"Come sit with us!" Charlotte offered.

Five glanced over at Viktor, who was still nose deep in his book. For some reason, Five's stomach dropped. "Okay." 

"This is the popular table," Hazel told him as they sat down, all on the side opposite of him. 

"We eat here every day," said Cha Cha. 

"Great." Five tried to smile politely, silently wondering if you could label yourself as popular.

"Squad," Charlotte said "First things. first! I think it's our duty to tell Five the rules?

Five's fist tightened around his fork. "Which, uh, which rules?" 

"Duh." Hazel rolled his eyes and Five's stomach sank even further. "Charlotte's rules."

"No, Hazel," Charlotte huffed, looking annoyed. "The rules of Franklin Grove Middle School." She straightened her back and took a deep breath. "Rule number one,'' Charlotte announced, reaching over to pluck the piece of garlic bread off Five's tray. She held it up with two fingers, looking completely grossed out like she was holding a dead bird. "Never order garlic bread. It totally kills…"

Vampires? Five wondered. 

"…your social life," Charlotte finished, dropping the bread back onto his tray.

"Rule number two," Charlotte continued, wiping her hands on her napkin. "Pink and Pastels are in. Black–" she scowled at another table, where Luna Hargreeves sat with some other goths "–is so last season, but you already knew that, right?" Charlotte added, gesturing to Five's baby blue backpack and the soft pink dress shirt underneath his sweater vest.

"It's so totally cute that you wear pink," Hazel said, fluffing his pink curls and looking Five up and down in a way that made him feel deeply uncomfortable. "Very, like, progressive and stuff." 

"Anyway," said Charlotte, "Rule number two: Pink is perfect."

Five shifted uncomfortably, trying to cover as much of himself as he could with his blazer. 

"But rule number tree," Charlotte went on, "is the most important rule of all." 

She looked at Hazel and Cha Cha, who both nodded solemnly. Then Charlotte did a double clop and, in unison, all three said, "The squad is everything and the captain makes the calls!"

It was like they practiced it, which Five realized, they probably did. "Cool, he said, not wanting to be rude. "So who's the Captain?"

Hazel and Cha Cha looked at Five like he had violated some unspoken law. 

"It's alright," Charlotte said. "He's new, That's a good question, Five. I'm the captain."

Five blinked, mouth slightly open. He tried to disguise his reaction by eating a scoop of chow mein. Finally, he swallowed. "I, um, I talked to Ms. Barnett in gym and she said that captain won't be decided until tryouts."

"I know," said Charlotte, nodding sympathetically. "She actually has to say that or she'll be fired, for like, fairness reasons, but everyone knows it's going to be me." she rolled her eyes "Everything has to be fair or whatever now."

Five couldn't fathom why she sounded so annoyed about equality.

"It's just like everyone on the squad has to try out again every year, so it at least looks like new people have a chance," Hazel said.

"Like you!" Cha Cha chimed in. Then, realizing what she had said, quickly added, "Although I'm sure you'll make it if you stick with us."

Five forced himself to smile and nod, dragging his fork through his food. I should have sat with Viktor, he thought.

"Plus you won't have to pretend to be a girl or anything, since the squad's co-ed now," Charlotte supplied helpfully. 

Fork halfway to his mouth, Five raised his eyebrows as far as they went. "Who would do that?" he asked, spotting Luna and her friends about to pass by their table.

Charlotte cleared her throat. "I think. it's so sad when people cater to those people's delusions," she said ultraloud. "I mean, just because other freaks act like you're right doesn't make you a girl."

Luna swept past, a crushed soda can clutched in her shaking fist. 

Oh my God, what is Charlotte's problem? Five thought, staring down at his tray as the Goths passed.

When they had gone, Five sat up straight. "Charlotte, what the fuck?" 

Charlotte blinked, "Excuse me?" she asked haughtily.

"That girl," Five said, putting emphasis on the word girl, "Luna, saved my ass this morning and even if she didn't, you can't just smash her feelings like that."

"Well thank you for the feedback, Five," Charlotte snapped, "but you don't have to deal with him in your bathroom. Now, I'll forgive you for not knowing this because you're new, but let me tell you something about those freaks: The walking dead don't have feelings!"

🚀

How utterly great, Luna thought grimly as the bell for the last class of the day rang. The new boy - who looks exactly like me but is besties with Charlotte Brown- is in my science class.

Luna slumped in her chair in the back row. She could not believe how easily Five had been deluded into Charlotte's now recently co-ed cult. Five might have the same angular jaw and strong dark eyebrows, but that was obviously where the similarities ended.

Oh shit. Five was coming over. 

"Hi," he mumbled, taking the seat next to her. Five looked embarrassed. 

He should be, Luna thought bitterly.

"Mr. Strain said I'm your lab partner," Five said, still quiet and mumbly.

What?! This is such unbelievably O-negative bullshit, Luna silently seethed. This was the weirdest, worst day ever. This was such shit, so Luna opened her mouth to say something seriously grave about how he wouldn't catch anything from her but stopped once she saw the look on Five's face

"I'm so, so horrified by what that- that" –he lowered his voice slightly– "bitch said at lunch," Five apologized softly. "I mean, where does she get off? You're like, the nicest person I've met so far, but even if you weren't, it's fucked up that she said that."

Luna blinked, mouth slightly ajar.

"I should've said something right away but I- I didn't think people like that existed," Five said. "Plus your clothes are really cool." 

"Pardon me?" Luna squeaked out. 

"That dress is so cool," Five enthused wholeheartedly. "All the constellations are correct and-" he gestured vaguely to Luna "-you obviously understand fashion better than she does." 

Luna's brain couldn't process what was going on.

"Anyways," Five concluded, "I'm sorry." 

Maybe Five Abbott wasn't a hateful cheerleader underling. Luna moved her books over to her side of the table so Five could put his own books down.

Luna shrugged. "Eh, I'm used to Charlotte's evil ways. I tell you bet she didn't I'm her next-door neighbour."

"Are you serious?" Five asked incredulously. 

"Dead serious. And she never misses an opportunity to be a huge bitch," Luna huffed, rolling her heavily made-up eyes. "I guess it's a cheerleader thing."

Five shook his head hurriedly. "I cheered old school and most of the cheerleaders weren't like that to me I'm, y'know-" he vaguely gestured to his body "-me. Cheerleaders aren't all bitches, any more than all Goths are, well, witches"

"As if." Luna laughed.

Five opened his notebook, revealing his tiny cramped handwriting. "I mean, it would be one thing if you'd done something, but for Charlotte to act like that out of nowhere-"

"Actually," Luna interrupted," there was sixth grade."

Five's eyes widened. "What happened in sixth grade?"

"I tried-"

Mr. Strain appeared in front of their desk. "Don't you two think you should be preparing your lab materials like the rest of the class?"

"Sorry," they both mumbled. Luna sheepishly handed Five a pair of safety goggles. As soon as Mr. Strain had left, she continued in a whisper, "I tried out for cheerleading."

"YOU tried out–" Five gasped, but Luna motioned for him to keep his voice down."-for cheerleading"?" he asked, in a whisper. "Is that what Charlotte meant when she said someone pretended to be a girl to get on the squad?"

Luna grimaced. "Yep," she said, popping the p. "As if someone would go all the effort of transitioning to get on to a middle school sports team. Anyways, my dad wanted me to have an extracurricular and I actually made the squad." Then she grinned mischievously. "But guess… who... didn't?"

"No way." Five's jaw dropped.

"Way. Charlotte was the only first alternate."

"You can cheer?" Five asked. 

"Eh," Luna said, making a so-so motion with her hand. "I might not be a smiler, but I am really good at gymnastics."

"You can too smile," objected Five. 

"Yes, but I don't like to smile," Luna said. "I might be able to lift another person but I certainly don't like being perky. Truth is, I wasn't really into the "cheer" "part of cheerleading."

Luna pulled on her own safety goggles, before grimacing. "Something about wearing a tiny skirt and smiling for a boy's team just. seemed really fucking sexist too, you know? No offense."

Five wrinkled his nose. "No, I get it. I'm definitely more into the gymnastics than the smiling."

"Yeah, It wasn't my style," Luna explained. "Even my father knew it. So, after the first week, I quit and joined the newspaper."

"And then what happened?" Five probed, maintaining eye contact with Luna for the first time. God, his eyes were seriously blue. 

"Charlotte got to fill the spot I left. That was the only reason she made the squad. She's never gotten over a trans girl beating her at her own game. And the rest, as they say–"

"Is middle school!" Five blurted. They both laughed.

"Students!" Mr. Strain interrupted from across the room. "Please focus on the experiment at hand! we are exploring the combustion of plant matter, not your social lives!"

Five made a face and raised his hand to turn on the bunsen burner. There was a dark emerald ring on his pinky finger. 

The strange feeling Luna had experienced earlier when she'd looked at Five rushed back over her like a tidal wave. Her hand instantly flew to her neck, fumbling for the ring on the ribbon she wore. She found it near her throat and squeezed it tightly.

But how could there be two of them? The ring was the only thing she had from her real parents– it was one of a kind, she was sure of it. 

So how could Five have one too? 

"Luna? You're acting weird," Five said bluntly, staring at Luna. "Are you okay?"

Somehow Luna forced herself to smile. "F- fine," she squeaked. 

Luna didn't know how she would make it to the end of class, but she did. When the bell finally rang, she leapt out of her seat and grabbed Five's arm. "Come with me."

"Sure," Five said, stuffing his books into his backpack. "Where to?"

Luna looked around frantically as they stepped into the hallway. "The bathroom," She declared and half-led, half-dragged Five into the boy's bathroom.

Luna thought she would die if there was anyone else in the bathroom. She checked under every stall to make sure it was completely empty.

"Are you allowed to be here?" Five asked, cocking his head to the side. Then his eyes widened. "Are you going to tell me a secret?" he asked in a stage whisper, watching Luna curiously. Luna came over and turned Five to face the mirror.

Five's eyes met Luna's in the reflection and his smile disappeared when he saw her expression. "Luna, what is it?" 

Luna lifted Five's wrist so they could both see his hand in the mirror. "Where did you get this ring?" Luna croaked out, voice trembling.

Five blinked, looking stunned for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and swallowed. "It's the only thing in the world," he said slowly, "that my real parents gave me." 

Luna reached carefully into her dress, pulled out her necklace and held her ring up next to Five's.

The rings both had the same ornate etchings on the same heavy platinum bands, the same oddly cut dark green emeralds. They were identical in every way, except that Luna's was slightly larger. They even seemed to shine brighter now that they were together. 

Five and Luna's eyes reconnected in the mirror.

When Luna spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. "When's your birthday?"

Five's voice shook almost as much as his hand. "October…" he began.

 "First," Luna finished.

Five put his hand over his mouth. "You look just like me!"

"You look just like me," Luna said, raising her eyebrows.

Five spun around to face her. 

"Who were…" they both started.

"How did..." Neither of them finished.

 Luna took a shaky breath.

"When were..." they said as one. 

Okay." Luna cried. "You go first."

"Are you adopted?" Five blurted. "I am." 

"Me too," Luna confirmed. "How old were you?"

 "One" Five answered, "You?"

Luna nodded. "Same." 

"Where were you born?" he asked. 

"Owl Creek, Tennessee," Luna told him.

"Me too!" Five cried, frantically tapping his fingers against his chest. "This is so out of control!"

"Have you ever been there?" Luna asked.

Five's eyes lit up and he started flapping his hands like there was a fire he was trying to put out. "Once, a few years ago! My parents drove through on the way to Nashville. There's not much there except these unbelievably huge trees."

"You have no idea how jealous I am," Luna sighed. She'd always wanted to go to Owl Creek, even if Tennessee totally blew.

"What about your ring?" Five asked. 

"I got it for my tenth birthday, Luna replied. "My father said my real parents wanted it that way; a condition of the adoption."

"That's exactly what my parents told me!" Five bit his lip, hands stilling at his sides. "Do you, um... do you know anything else about them?" he asked hopefully.

Luna's heart sank. "No, my father never even met them," she said. "How about you?"

"No," Five sighed.

For a moment, they were both quiet. Then Luna beamed at Five. "Well, five, I've always wanted an evil twin."

Five rolled his eyes "That is just what I was going to say!"

Chapter Text

For as long as he could remember, Five had wanted a sibling. A brother or a sister– he didn't care, he just wanted someone to share a bunk bed with, complain about their parents and do other sibling things together. Now he didn't know which was hardest to believe: the fact that he had a sister, the fact that he had an identical twin sister or the fact that his identical twin sister was his lab partner in science.

Studying Luna's face, he felt dumb for not realizing it right away. Underneath the eyeliner, purple lipstick and goth clothes, Luna looked exactly like him: same angular jaw, dark eyebrows, the bump on the bridge of both their noses. And to think Five had been scared he wouldn't find anyone like him at Franklin Grove! 

"We need to talk," "Luna said. She even had the same smile as Five. "Want to walk to Costello's for a bite?" 

"Sure, I'm starved!" Five beamed. "I just have to call my mom so she doesn't worry."

"Use my cell," Luna offered, digging through her purse and handing him a chunky black Nokia with dangling bat and moon charms.

Five called home and said he'd be late because he was going out to eat with this really cool girl he'd met at school, heavily stressing that it was absolutely not a date.

"That's great, honey!" His mom squealed. "I knew you'd have no trouble making new friends. Just make sure you're home by seven and have fun!"

"What about calling your parents?" Five asked, handing Luna back her phone. 

"It's just me and my father," Luna explained, zipping her purse up. "And he lets me be pretty independent."

They both got their bags from their bags lockers then headed down the hallway and out through the front doors. The start of football season was Five's favourite time of the year and not just because of cheerleading. It felt like summer and it smelled like fall. Plus there were the leaves lining the sidewalks that crunched under Five's shoes. As they made their way down the street, Five made sure to crunch every single one as he watched Luna walk beside him. 

"Don't you think it's weird," Five mused, "that my dad just happened to be transferred to Franklin Grove?"

"I was thinking about that too," Luna said, jumping onto a crunchy leaf, "and I think there's only one explanation." She stopped and turned to look at Five. "I think we were meant to find each other."

Five made a squeaky whimpering noise and his eyes filled with tears. So he gave Luna a huge hug. He couldn't help it. 

Luna didn't move. Oh, no, Five thought. He was coming on too strong again. Or Luna didn't want a brother. Or Luna didn't want a brother like him. 

But then Luna hugged him back. 

Then they both started sobbing right there in the middle of the sidewalk. If somebody had walked by, they might have wondered what was wrong. But nothing was wrong. Everything was right. They were just thirteen-year-old twins hugging for the first time. 

Finally, Five pulled away and dug through his backpack for some tissues. He sniffled, wiping at his tears and running nose. “Sorry if I snotted on your shoulder," he choked out.

Luna smiled tearily. "Don't be sorry," she sniffled, wiping black mascara tear stains from her cheeks. "I think I might have ruined your vest."

Five peered down at the black smear on one of the white diamonds on his sleeve. "Oh well, I guess I'll have to start investing in stain remover sticks."

Lung chuckled as they continued walking. "I hope you like Franklin Grove," She said, wiping her eyes on the backs of her sleeves. "The bunny population here isn't too bad." 

Five laughed. "Yeah, I saw that T-shirt your friend was wearing. So what's it all about? Is this place infested with wild bunnies? I once read that when rabbits were introduced into Australia they, like, ruined the whole country."

Luna snorted. "Very funny." 

"No, really. I mean, their whole ecosystem was destroyed. The rabbits ate all their crops." 

Luna shook her head. "No, not those bunnies, the–" Suddenly she went quiet. 

Five glanced up at Luna, who had a seriously confused look on her face. "What's up?" Five asked.

"Huh?" Luna said, blinking, "Nothing. I was just... I was… thinking about how strange it is…" She was talking really slowly. Then, all at once, she seemed to come back to life. "That we're twins."

"No kidding!" Five agreed. "Why do you think we weren't adopted as a pair? I mean, don't they usually try to keep siblings, especially twins, together?"

Luna played with the ring around her neck. "I don't know," she mused. "Do you have other brothers or sisters?" 

"No. Do you?" Five asked.

"No. Maybe both our parents could only adopt one kid. Or maybe our real parents wanted to keep us apart." Luna shrugged. "We don't know a thing about them." 

Five frowned in thought and followed Luna toward the neon sign of Costello's Diner up ahead. "All I know," Five began, jumping off the curb into a pile of leaves, "When I think that we could have been together for the last thirteen years, it makes me want to scream. I totally could've used a twin sister when I was ten." 

"Yeah," Luna agreed, leading Five across the parking lot. "Being ten did bite." 

The restaurant was packed with other Franklin Grove middle students and decorated unlike any place Five had ever seen before. It was designed to look like a meat locker. with hooks hanging from the ceiling, but instead of slabs of meat, they held cool things like piñatas, disco balls and early Halloween decorations. Five stumbled over someone's bag on the floor as he followed Luna to an empty booth, too busy looking around to pay attention to where he was walking.

A waitress with a messy bun and a butcher's apron appeared. "The usual?" She asked Luna as she popped a gum bubble.

"Definitely" Luna confirmed. "What about you, Five?"

The waitress looked over expectantly, raising her seriously skinny 90s eyebrows. 

"What are you having?" Five asked Luna, desperate to find a safe food in this strange new place.

Luna tapped her finger on Five's open menu. "The Sink Your Teeth Into This. It's an almost raw burger, it's utterly rippling," she enthused brightly. 

Gross , thought Five. He wrinkled his nose and scanned the menu, finally landing on the Rabbit Food section. "I'll have the Bunny's delight, please." What is it about bunnies in this town? he wondered. "Without pickles or onions or mayonnaise or lettuce." 

The waitress made a note on her pad of paper. "One veggie-less veggie burger, got it. You want salsa?"

"Yes, please," Five replied, "and salad dressing on the side."

Luna chuckled, her nose scrunching the exact way Five's did. "Veggie-less veggie burger."

Five rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "I don't know if their vegetables have the right mouthfeel or not," he protested.

"You know, considering we're identical twins," Luna said, "we've turned out seriously different."

"Oh my God, I was just thinking that!" Five said. He smirked, cocking his head to the side. "It must be a real trip for you to see what you'd look like in pastels, huh?"

They both burst out laughing so loudly that people in a nearby booth glanced over to see what was funny.

This time, Five thought blissfully, I definitely sat at the right table.

🚀

Luna's stomach was still fluttering and it wasn't because she'd laughed too hard or wolfed down her burger. It was because she had a twin brother. 

When she really thought about it, she realized that she'd always known. That was the feeling that had come over her the first time she saw Five in the hallway that morning. It wasn't just the strange sensation of seeing someone who looks like you; it was the rush of seeing someone you'd waited your whole life to see.

Except for one seriously grave thing: how come Five didn't know what a bunny was? They were identical twins, virtually the same in everything but gender. So shouldn't they be identical?

If he doesn't know, she thought, I can't tell him. 

"Hello, Five," said a familiar high-pitched voice.

Luna looked υρ and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Oh, yippee, she thought sarcastically. Charlotte Brown– stake me now. 

"Hi Charlotte," Five said.

"I'm sitting over there with Hazel and Cha Cha," she announced. 

Five smiled flatly. "Say hi for me."

Charlotte turned her back to Luna and leaned into Five like she was going to tell a secret. "I think you should know, Five," she said loud enough for Luna to easily hear, "the Devils cheerleaders are, like, a really close group of highly elite athletes, and hanging out with “certain people”" -she made quotation marks with. her overly glittery pink nails- "won't really help you become part of the club at all." 

Luna rolled her eyes and took a sip of her blood orangeade. What a bitch, she thought.

"Actually, Charlotte," Five replied in his own confiding tone, "I'm not sure if you know, but Luna here is a huge fan of cheerleading. In fact, we were just talking about how good she looks in pastels!"

Luna snorted so hard her drink almost came out of her nose.

"Puh-lease," Charlotte sneered. “I doubt Hargreeves could ever wear anything but black rags." She turned around to look down at Luna. "Sorry," she said airily, "but you'll never be anything but a drab Goth loser."

"Better a drab goth loser than a fake cheerleading bitch," Luna snapped. "You can't base everything off appearance."

"Oh really? Then how come Jeff Moore, the coolest, hottest, cutest guy at school, has asked me to sit with him at lunch tomorrow?" Charlotte demanded. 

"Because he wants to throw up?" Luna suggested helpfully. 

Charlotte sneered and turned back to face Five, who hid his smile just in time. "The reason I came over here, Five," she said pointedly, "was to invite you to join us at lunch tomorrow. Hazel and Cha Cha are going to be there. I suggest you be there too." She shot a withering look at Luna. " Alone. " And with that, Charlotte flipped her hair over her shoulder and flounced back across the diner.

Luna clenched her hands into fists, crushing her now empty cup. Fuck, Charlotte Brown made her so mad she could scream. "If I wanted, I could be just as much of a stupid pink bitch as Charlotte Brown!" She fumed, dropping her crushed cup onto the table so she could smash it flat in the other direction.

Five waved to the waitress and ordered a new orangeade for Luna and a huge piece of chocolate cake with two forks. He leaned forward conspiratorially. "Sure. You'd be a great bitch, Luna," he agreed, a mischievous smile creeping across his face. "I should know."

Luna narrowed her eyes. "How come you look like a cat who swallowed a bat?" She asked suspiciously.

"Because I have an idea…" Her brother looked around to make sure no one was listening. "Since no one else knows about us, I think you should pretend to be me at lunch tomorrow," Five said, grinning.

"What?" Luna demanded.

"Think about it, Luna! How funny would it be if Charlotte went through the whole lunch period surrounded by all her best friends - including her new BFF, me? Except that me will be you!"  

It's a killer idea, Luna thought excitedly, but it'll never work. "There's no way we could pull it off," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, we're twins, but we're not-" 

"Identical?" Five interrupted.

"Alright, we're identical," Luna conceded. "But we have very, very different... looks." 

"Nothing that a little tanner and hairspray won't fix," Five countered. 

"You're serious," Luna said incredulously.

"Dead serious," Five replied brightly.

That's exactly what I would have said, Luna thought.

"You would look so great in my Adidas shorts," Five said eagerly.

Luna tried not to smile since she was still playing devil's advocate. "Okay but what about your bubbly, perky factor?" she asked. "And what about you? It's not that easy to... be a girl."

'Don't worry." Five reached over and squeezed Luna's hand. "I'll coach you! We'll coach each other! Besides, what better way is there for twins to get to know each other than to be each other?" 

His emerald ring sparkled at Luna. 

That decides it, Luna thought and squeezed Five's hand back. "This is going to suck!"

Five's face fell. "You mean you won't do it?" 

"No." Luna shook her head. "No, it's goth slang. 'Suck' is good, 'suck' is really good!" 

"Oh, Five said. "Weird. So you'll do it?" 

"I'll do it." Luna grinned. 

At that moment, the waitress dropped off their cake and Luna's new drink. 

"In that case, I'd like to propose a toast." Five held his glass. "To Luna Hargreeves, my twin sister." 

Luna raised her fresh orangeade. "To Five Abbott, my twin brother." 

They clinked their glasses together. And then, at the exact same moment, Luna and her brother both laughed. "You suck!" They chorused.

Chapter Text

The next day, Five make his way to the science hall bathroom– which Luna had chosen because it was the least frequented bathroom in the school and carefully arranged his supplies on the counter: Palm Beach spray-on tanner, root touch-up spray in the colour dark chestnut, hair gel, wet wipes…

The door opened a crack and Luna's heavily made-up face appeared. She slipped inside and pulled a makeshift sign out of her star-studded patent leather purse. 

Five's eyes widened as his sister held up the cardboard sign: Out Of Order. 

"You wouldn't!" Five said. 

Luna flashed him a devilish smile and pushed the door open a crack. With a look of intense concentration like a safecracker in a heist movie, she hung the sign on the doorknob.

"Okay!" Luna returned, empty-handed. "Make me pink."

Five rolled his eyes. "Start by taking off your makeup," he said, handing her his travel pack of wet wipes.

In a matter of seconds, the wet wipe was blacker than the rag Five used to shine his Oxfords. "Oh my God, I knew you wore a lot of eyeliner but this is really–"

Luna gave him a look.

"Impressive!" Five finished. "God, I cannot believe how white your regular skin tone is," he noted, shaking the can of spray-on tanner.

Luna took a step back. "You are not putting that on my face."

Five sighed and put his hand on his hip. "Luna, you need to look natural. Natural means awash in sunlight, warm, glowing. It means you woke up this morning on the beaches of California with a hottie feeding you grapes. You need spray-on tan."

"Allison Daniels doesn't like grapes," Luna countered frostily. "I know for a fact."

"Well this washes off anyway," Five reassured his sister. "And I don't know who that is."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Fine," she sighed, closing her eyes and relaxing her face. "Spray away."

After the spray-on tanner, Five darkened Luna's eyebrows and combed the hair spray through her hair until all of the platinum blonde was covered. As soon as the hair spray had set, Five added some gel and swept it back into his usual style.

"Okay!" Five said brightly, stepping back and admiring his work. "Let's switch clothes."

He and Luna each took a stall. Five pulled off his shirt and shorts, folded them neatly and slipped them underneath the blue metal divider. In return, Luna handed him a tangled wad of black fabric.

A few minutes later, Five opened the stall door and stared at himself in the mirror. This much black wasn't at all his style and he never thought he'd wear a skirt but the navy blue sweater dotted with stars was super cute. Smiling at his reflection, Five spun around and watched as the lacy black skirt flared out around his pink Air Force Ones. 

Suddenly, the other stall door banged open and Luna stepped out. Five watched his sister take in their reflections, her eyes flicking back between both of them. Finally, Luna settled on the girl in a pink sweat-wicking hoodie and soft grey running shorts. 

"Pretty awesome, huh?" Five asked.

A totally horrified look spread across Luna's face. "I never thought I'd look like..." She began hoarsely. 

Oh shit, Five thought.

"Charlotte Brown!" Luna's face burst into a smile.

"Shut up!" Five cried. "I do not look like Charlotte Brown!" He threw a used wet wipe at his sister's head in mock anger, but Luna dodged away just in time.

"I don't know- this top is seriously pink," she teased, stretching the hoodie out in front of her.

"I have way better fashion sense than her and you know it!" Five protested lightly. 

"Okay, okay, don't pop a blood vessel!" Luna giggled, holding out her arms for Five to spray with tanner. Then she toed off her boots and socks and sprayed her own legs and feet. "Geez, how do you wear shorts like this all the time? I feel as naked as Principal Whitehead's head."

"Well, you look great. And don't worry," Five teased, taking off his own shoes and socks, "those aren't even my shortest shorts." 

Five snorted at the utterly horrified look on Luna's face. 

Then they traded shoes and Luna handed Five a tangled mess of fishnets as Five handed her a neat roll of fresh ankle socks.

"I could see myself getting a pair of these," Luna noted, doing a few test stomps in Five's sneakers, "just not in pink."

 Five finished lacing up the heavy black boots and tried taking a few steps. "Oh, my God." He shook his head. "It's like wearing cement blocks; your calves must be insane."

Luna shrugged as she stuck her thumbs through the sleeve holes. "You never know when you might drop a refrigerator on your foot." 

Five paced back and forth, trying to get the hang of walking. "Okay," he said, lifting his feet as high as he could as he went. "Show me your best cheerleader bounce! Try walking." 

Luna slouched forward, eyes on the floor. 

"Not like that," Five instructed. "Lift your head up. Try to walk more on your toes- no, not like that. Like, just pretend you're walking through a swamp and you need to bounce to keep from sinking. That's better. Good. Now let me see you smile." Luna bared her teeth. "You look like you're about to eat me for lunch!" Five chucked, "Relax."

Luna tried again. And again. 

"Okay," Five said, finally satisfied. "Now whatever you do- don't stop smiling. My sunny disposition is one of my best qualities."

Luna beamed at him."You bet!" She bounced, giving a big thumbs up. 

"Don't overdo it," Five said, "In fact. you should probably just limit your conversation to "Really?" "Really" is the most versatile word in the English language." 

Luna widened her eyes. "Really?"

 Five tried not to smile. "Oh, you're going to make me look like a regular Einstein, I can tell." 

Luna smiled brightly. Really?"

Five tried to ignore her. "The other thing you have to remember is that I'm the new kid. So you can't talk about anything I shouldn't know. If you get stuck, ask about, uh, sports or something. Actually, do ask about sports, I wanna know what we've got after cheer season." 

Luna took a deep breath. "Really?" 

"ENOUGH!" Five cried.

Luna slouched back to her regular demeanour. "My turn!" she sang, grabbing her black purse and emptying it over the counter. A jumbled waterfall of stuff clattered out: eyeliner pencils, lipstick tubes, nail polish, pens, newspaper clippings, highlighters, bottle caps, 5 half-empty packs of gum, white hair spray, polaroids, gum wrappers, a lighter, pencils, paper clips, an empty energy drink can. Luna shook the bag. A full-size Stapler crashed to the counter. She shook it again. Out tumbled a shiny black aerosol can the size of a spray paint can, which Luna snatched up and displayed in the palm of her hand. 

"Pale Beauty, the spray-on whitener!" She caressed the can like a model in a TV commercial. "For that extra special made-of-marble look!"

"You're kidding," Five said, grabbing the can to inspect the label. 

"Lots of Goths use it," Luna explained, taking it back and shaking up the spray can, "even my dad– I got this from his bathroom. Now close your eyes."

"He won't notice it's gone?" Five asked, closing his eyes.

"Doubt it," Luna said, beginning to spray Five's skin. "He buys in bulk.'

The spray was cool and wet but dried almost instantly on Five's skin. He blinked a few times before glancing in the mirror. "I look like a mime!" he exclaimed.

"Careful," Luna warned, digging through the mess she dumped out of her bag. She finally found what she was looking for and presented Five with a pair of tight but stretchy black athletic shorts.

Five cocked his head to the side before looking down at the skirt he was wearing. "But I'm already wearing this?" 

Luna sighed and gave him an oh-you-foolish-mortal look. "This goes on under your skirt, it's for tucking."

Five blinked. "Tucking?" Then Luna made a motion with her hand and his eyes. widened. "Ohhh. Does it hurt?"

"Not if you're only wearing it for a  lunch period," Luna reassured Five, guiding him into a stall. "Don't worry, I've been doing this since puberty started." 

After Five came out of the stall again, this time walking strangely and constantly readjusting the skirt, Luna whitened his hair and got to work on his makeup.

"Stop moving," Luna chided as she began to do Five's eyeliner.

Five tried to hold still. He focused on a water stain on the ceiling and asked, "So what should I talk to your friends about?"

"Excuse me?" Luna asked, nearly stabbing Five's eyes with a liquid eyeliner applicator. "You cannot talk to my friends– at all. Charlotte Brown's one thing but Diego Hewitt-Lupo has been my best friend since we were four. He'd definitely be able to tell you weren't me instantly."

Five knew Luna was right but he was still disappointed. "Aw, I was kind of excited to be all gloomy," he said, pouting. 

"Sorry," Luna said with genuine sympathy, "What about hiding out in the library? That's where I normally work on my articles for the paper,"

"I won't be as fun as gossiping with Goths but I guess it'll have to do," Five conceded. "Luckily, I have a peanut butter marshmallow sandwich and coffee to keep me company.

As Luna applied a swipe of purple lipstick to Five's lips, she said, "Let's meet back here after lunch and-" 

The bell rang.

"Oh, my God!" Five squeaked. "It's time, you have to go!" He shoved all of his supplies into his bright blue backpack and shoved it into Luna's arms. "I'll refill your back once you're gone," he added. 

Luna rested her hands on Five's shoulders and with some difficulty looked him right in the eye. "Don't smile too much and don't speak," she said, turning Five's chin so he would maintain eye contact. "And, whatever you do, please don't bounce!" 

Five nodded seriously, looking elsewhere as soon as Luna let him before hugging her for good luck. Then Luna plastered a smile to her face and bounced out the door, Five's backpack slung over one shoulder. 

Five did his best not to grin after her. After all, he was Goth now. 

🚀

Luna pushed open the cafeteria doors, holding onto Five's backpack strap in a death grip. She tried bouncing as she walked but then she realized she wasn't smiling. She started smiling but then she forgot to bounce.

Luna caught a glimpse of Charlotte Brown and her minions already at their table, and she nervously ducked into the food line. As the line crept along, Luna tried to keep a bounce in her step. She tried thinking of the swamp and bounced on her toes like Five said. Then the swamp mud began to rise up the legs of Charlotte Brown's chair. Luna imagined Charlotte Jumping up and down, screaming her head off.

There, that was better. Now it was suddenly easy to smile and bounce. 

"A burger, please! Luna requested brightly when it was her turn. 

With her full tray in hand, Luna set her sights on the Table of Evil. Charlotte saw her and waved excitedly, then rested her hand meaningfully on the shoulder of the boy next to her– none other than Jeff Moore, the original beefy super bunny. Even from this far away, Luna could see Charlotte fluttering her eyelashes. 

Luna made her way across the cafeteria bouncily. She was almost at the Table of Evil when she realized with a jolt that she was walking right past her usual table, where all her friends were eating lunch. She nearly tripped over her Air Forces and they squeaked loudly on the linoleum floor.

 "It's seriously the most important night of the year," Diego told Klaus, neither of them noticing Luna.

What am I doing? Luna thought nervously.

As she tightened her grip on her tray Charlotte caught her eye again and mouthed, "Isn't he hot?" She was leaning towards Jeff like she was hanging on his every word. 

That's right, thought Luna, hitching her smile back on. I'm getting revenge.  

She plopped her tray down across from Charlotte and Jeff and unleashed an exuberant, "Hi guys!" Oh shit, she thought. I wasn't supposed to overdo it.  

Fortunately, Hazel and Cha Cha didn't seem to notice. "Hi, Five!" they replied.

Then Charlotte said, "what do you think you're doing?" 

Luna's heart stopped. "Uh- I'm like-" She swallowed hard and giggled nervously. "I'm like, I'm having... lunch?" Luna squeaked, way higher than normal.

Charlotte blinked in disbelief. "Since when," she asked, pencilled eyebrows raised, "do self-respecting cheerleaders eat hamburgers for lunch?"

Hazel and Cha Cha nodded in concern.

"Yes, well, you are so totally right," Luna said, heart beating again and voice falling back to her normal octave. She smiled shakily and made a mental note to interrogate Five on his eating habits. "And I don't know what came over me, but I just really wanted a burger."

"I think it's cool," said Jeff, smirking like an idiot at Luna from underneath his bleached crew cut. "Refreshing, actually - a cheerleader who actually eats. All the girls I know won't even have a French fry unless it's dipped in fat-free dressing."

 "I love hamburgers!" Charlotte said quickly. "Just not from the cafeteria." She giggled uncomfortably, her pink lacquered nails tapping on the table. "Anyway, let me introduce l you! Five, this is Jeff. Remember I was telling you about him? Jeff's co-captain of the Devils football team."

"Really?" Luna asked wide-eyed, taking, a bite of her burger.

"Plus he's all-state cross-country, " Charlotte said, savouring the words like they meant anything.

"Baseball, too," Jeff added. 

"You should see him in uniform. Charlotte winked.

"Reallyyy," Luna said with a knowing smile. 

Jeff offered her a smile back before popping a fry into his mouth.

Luna wasn't about to stop now so after swallowing a bite of burger, she asked, "So what's the latest in Devils football?"

'I scored seventy-two touchdowns last. year," Jeff declared proudly, swallowing. "It was a county record. This year, I'm going for eighty."

"Really?" Luna asked automatically. 

"Yeah." He cocked his head. "Hey. Charlotte tells me you're trying out for the cheer squad."

Luna nodded coyly. 

"She says you're pretty good," said Jeff.

"For a new kid," Charlotte added quickly. 

Bite me, Charlotte, Luna thought. 

"You sure look like you'd be a good cheerleader," said Jeff, looking Luna up and down and giving her what he obviously thought was a winning smile.

Luna's mouth fell open in shock so she took a bite of her burger to cover it up. He's gay! she screamed internally. Jockstrap Jeff Moore is gay and he likes me!

The look on Charlotte Brown's face made it seriously worth it, though. "Jeff!" she said, clutching at his arm like she was drowning. "Oh, my God, Jeff. We forgot wrestling!"

"Oh, yeah," Jeff nodded, looking impressed, "I wrestle, too."

"Really? I was thinking of doing wrestling after cheer season," Luna said, watching Charlotte's eye twitch.

"No Kidding," Jeff said, leaning forward and completely ignoring Charlotte. "You wrestle?" 

"Never tried, but I'm pretty strong," Luna told him, dragging a fry through barbeque sauce. 

"Maybe I could teach you," Jeff offered, taking one of Luna's fries. "How much can you lift?" 

"I can bench eighty," Luna said confidently, successfully holding in a grimace at the idea of wrestling with Jockstrap Jeff. 

 "Really?" Jeff asked, eyes wide and Luna almost burst out laughing.

"No way," Charlotte countered, narrowing her eyes at Luna. 

"I'm stronger than I look," Luna said airily. She pushed her tray out of the way and set her elbow on the table. "I'll prove it– Jeff?"

"You don't have to do that," Charlotte said quickly. In an effort to distract Jeff, she reached over, grabbed the last bite of Luna's burger off her plate and dramatically popped it into her mouth, smiling stupidly at Jeff as she chewed.

Jeff ignored her and took Luna's hand, accepting her arm wrestling match challenge. 

This is going better than I could've ever imagined! Luna thought, excitedly wiggling in her seat. Charlotte Brown is literally eating her words!  

⏰

Five was having a great time trudging back toward the science hall bathroom at the end of the lunch period. Now that he was used to Luna's boots, every step made him feel really powerful like he could march through a crowd of people and they would all move out of his way. His mouth set firmly, he peered out at people from behind his newly white bangs. A passing Goth girl murmured, "Hey Luna."

"Hi," Five answered without stopping. He tried not to let a tiny smile escape but he couldn't help it. Being Goth is so cool! he thought. 

His period in the library had flown by. At first, Five had been annoyed that he'd forgotten to bring Thrice Bitten, the latest Count Vira book, with him. But then he'd remembered reading about an old French short story on a Count Vira fanfiction site that, according to what he'd found on other Vampire fiction fansites, was one of the first vampire stories ever written. He decided to see if they had it.

"Le Horla and Other Stories of Guy de Maupassant. It looks like this isn't the first time you've checked this book out, Luna," the librarian had said when she'd looked at the computer screen.

Five shrugged like he'd thought Luna would, took the book and started reading. 

The story had been so awesome that, before Five knew it, the bell had rung to signal the end of lunch. Now he was in a hurry to get back to the bathroom and find out from Luna how things had gone with Charlotte Brown.

Five rounded the corner hurriedly and crashed right into a Goth girl. His book flew from his hands and skittered across the floor.

He looked up at the girl as she bent to pick up his book. She was slim thick and a few inches taller, wearing a deep violet turtleneck, shiny black leather pants and a single glove on her left hand. Her cold-looking brown face was framed with straight plum hair. She looked familiar, probably from one of his classes. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, sounding concerned. 

"I'm fine," Five said, "Sorry, I guess my boots got ahead of me."

The girl handed Five his book and he finally figured out which subject they had together. "I know you," he said with a nod. "You're in my social studies class."

The girl gave him a weird look. She frowned, looking cute if you were into the brooding type. "Luna," she said slowly "We've been in the same social studies class for the last three years."

"Uh..." Five fumbled. "Yeah, right. Of course Just kidding?" He tried to grimace in a friendly way.

She glanced down at the cover of his book, "Looks interesting" she said, holding it out to him.

Five knew he should just take the book and go, but autism was a bitch and Five needed to infodump to someone. "It is," he said, trying not to sound overly enthusiastic. "The Horla's about this guy who thinks he's being stalked by a vampire. It, uh, Horla, means "the what's out there" in French and it's seriously psychologically. It, uh, really sucks."

"Yeah?" The girl asked, raising one plum-coloured eyebrow.

"Yeah!" he quickly dropped his voice back down to Luna's dark mumble. "I mean, yeah, whatever. It's all told in diary entries and this guy doesn't know if he's going crazy or what," Five explained. 

She nodded. "I'll have to check it out."

"You should," Five enthused, "Tell them who sent you." Then he spotted Luna down the hallway. Damn, she really does look amazing in that hoodie! Five thought. 

The girl was still looking at him. "What else do you like? To uh, read?" 

Over her shoulder, Five saw Luna stop and stare at him, mouth agape, looking completely panicked. 

Oh shit, Five thought. Lunch with Charlotte was a bust! 

Luna stamped her Nike on the ground and frantically motioned for Five to follow her into the bathroom right now!

Five mumbled, "Gotta go to the Goth and darted away. He heard him call, "Hey Luna!" after him as he pushed the bathroom door open. 

"Oh, my God, what happened?" Five cried when he saw his sister's stricken look in the bathroom mirror.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know what happened?" Luna demanded, eyes wild and frantic. "That's what I should be asking you: WHAT HAPPENED?" She hurriedly washed out the hairspray and scrubbed her face, arms and legs clean before hurriedly doing her hair with a fistful of paper towels and vanishing into a stall to change. 

Wow! Five thought as he wiped his face clean. Lunch must've been really awful!

"I'm really, really sorry, Luna," Five said, taking the next stall and unlacing his boots. "You were right, it was a bad idea. Charlotte was never going to fall for it."

"Charlotte?" Luna practically yelled, voice ringing off the bathroom walls. "Charlotte fell for it like a spacecraft without a parachute! I'm not talking about Charlotte; I'm talking about Allison Daniels!" 

"But I thought you were having lunch with Jeff Moore," Five said to the blue metal divider. 

"I am to strangle you," Luna huffed, clearly exasperated. Five's clothes appear at ankle level. 

"You mean the Goth girl in the hallway?" Five asked, gradually piecing things together as he handed back Luna's clothes.

"Yes!" Luna exclaimed.

"You don't like her?" Five guessed. 

"No!" Luna wailed. "I am utterly in love with her!"

"Ohhhhh." It all made complete sense now. God, Five felt like such a dork. "I get it," he said sheepishly. 

"Well?" Luna prompted. "What did she say?"

"I bumped into her by accident," Five explained. "She asked about my book. It's due back next Tuesday, by the way."

"Did she..." Luna's voice was suddenly much quieter. "Did she know my name?" Five heard his sister's stall door open.

Five zipped up his hoodie and pushed open his own door. "You mean you've never even spoken to her?" he asked.

Luna sighed dramatically and shut her eyes. "No." 

"Well," Five said brightly, "It appears your unusual mating strategy worked because I'm pretty sure the girl is totally into you."

Luna's eyes flew open. "What? What did she say?" 

"Nothing. She just ... she seemed like she really wanted to talk to you. She was like hanging on to my every word. She didn't want me -you- to walk away." 

"Like how? Luna demanded.

"Stop obsessing," Five said, handing Luna her purse and taking back his own bag. "If I were you, I'd thank me for breaking the ice." 

"I told you not to talk to anyone!" Luna protested.

"Come on," Five said, poking his sister's arm playfully. " She talked to me. Now with you please just tell me what happened at lunch with Charlotte?"

Luna leaned back against the bathroom counter so she wouldn't fall when she yanked her books on. "Well," she said matter- of factly, "It's safe to say you're not the only matchmaker in this bathroom. Jeff Moore has strange taste in boys because after I beat him in an arm wrestling match, he asked you to the mall with him after school." 

Five's jaw dropped. "No!"

"I'm stronger than I look," Luna said as she reapplied her make-up and almost a tonne of sunscreen. "Anyways, I said you were busy. Even if you like guys, he's too dumb for you. But you should have seen the look on Charlotte's face!" She did a perfect imitation: chest out, mouth open, eyes popping out of her head. 

Five snorted.

"Still," said Luna, ruffling up her hair before clipping it out of her eyes with a coffin-shaped barrette. "I'm glad to be myself again. Talking about sports makes the lunch period feel eternal ."

"Careful," Five said, pulling out a pack of wet wipes. "Allison might like sports."

"Why?" Luna gasped. "What'd she say about sports?"

Chapter Text

"Alright," said Luna, looking in the mirror one last time. "Swear to me that I don't have any more of that stuff on my face." She couldn't imagine anything more devastating than Allison Daniels seeing her and noticing her ear was all tan. 

"I swear," replied Five, "You look totally pale and ill again." 

"Good," said Luna, touching up her lipstick. "Almost ready?" 

Five wrinkled his nose. "I still have to fix my hair. Besides, maybe it's better if we leave separately. Won't people get suspicious if we're seen together too much?"

Luna nodded. "You're right, I'll go first."

Five put down his wet wipes. "You know," he said, "You really did look terrific in that hoodie." 

"What I know," said Luna, hugging her brother, "is that you look terrific in that hoodie. See you in science."

Luna pulled open the heavy door. 

"Ciao," Five called after her. 

With a jolt, Luna saw Allison less than ten lockers away. She looked like she was waiting for someone.

She must have been there this whole time! Luna realized, her heart flapping around in her chest like a bat caught in daylight. What if she heard what we were saying? 

"Luna," she called.

She's talking to me! 

"Luna," Allison repeated, coming closer. 

Luna forced herself to put one boot in front of the other. She ran a hand along the wall of lockers to steady herself. "Hi Allison," she squeaked out in a tiny voice. 

"Listen," Allison began. She was the most beautiful girl Luna had ever seen. "Do you…" she stopped and looked at the floor.

Luna heard her own voice say, "Uh huh?"

Allison looked right at her. Luna grabbed her bag with both hands to keep them from shaking.

"Do you want to meet up at the mall? Like, after school?" Allison finally asked. 

Luna didn't respond. She must've misheard Allison.

"Hey, listen, I- uh, never mind," Allison stammered. She shook her head. "I'll see you around." Suddenly, she was walking away. 

Speak! Luna screamed internally at herself. Speak!

"Allison!" Luna croaked. Allison spun around. "Um, what time?" Luna asked." 

Allison's smile shone. "Does four work for you?" 

"Sure," Luna answered, trying to keep her breathing normal. "I'll tell my father I'll be home before sundown."

"Great," Allison said. She held up her hand and then she was gone. 

Luna collapsed against the lockers. Her hands were still shaking and she was breathing like she had been running. People stared at her as they walked by on their way to class but Luna barely even noticed. 

Well, she thought breathlessly, that's one good thing about having a twin that's a social butterfly!

As if on cue, Five emerged from the bathroom, his hair dark brown again. "Wow! You look like hell," he said bluntly. "What happened?" 

"She asked me out," Luna whispered. She couldn't believe she was saying it. 

"What?" Five asked, drawing closer. "Speak louder." 

"She asked me out!" Luna said again hoarsely. 

Five's face burst into a huge smile. "Holy shit! Go, Luna!" he shouted really loudly.

"Shut up!" Luna scolded, even though she couldn't help smiling too. 

"That's awesome!" Five exclaimed, shaking Luna's arm excitedly. "When's the big date?"

"Today. After school," Luna choked out. "The mall."

Five gave her a squeeze. "I gotta run or I'm going to be late for art, but we are going to have so much to talk about in science!" He hurried off with a wink.

Shit, Luna was going to be late for class too. She worked up the strength to start walking and, as she stomped her way through. the pre-bell crowd, she let herself imagine her upcoming date with Allison. 

They could check out AC/CDs, the record store; the Birthday Massacre had a new album out. Luna knew Allison read a lot so they'd probably end up in the bookstore. They might stop by Seance Undead Accessories and get that coffin-shaped backpack Luna had been eyeing for at least a month. Allison would sit across from her in the food court, smudging black lipstick on her blood orange juice straw.

As Luna turned down the main hallway, she imagined the two of them walking side by side on their date, hands brushing against–

She never said it was a date, Luna realized with a jolt. 

Her wave of excitement disappeared like a predawn fog. Allison had never said it was a date and girls went to the mall together all the time with their friends. Hell, Charlotte and her minions went every weekend. 

She imagined herself with Allison at the mall again but their hands didn't touch this time. Allison would say something about a cute boy at school and Luna would fumble for words. She'd stare too much at Allison or touch her arm in a way a straight friend could but no lesbian could get away with. She'd probably think Luna was an utter creep. Luna would try to make a joke but Allison wouldn't laugh. She'd just look away.

I can't go, Luna thought. 

Two seriously strong coppery brown arms came out of nowhere and draped themselves over her shoulders. Luna nearly jumped out of her skin. 

"And where were you at lunch?" Diego demanded, releasing Luna and falling into step beside her. He poked her side. "Giddy Up - we're late for English."

Luna didn't say anything, letting Diego lead the way. 

"What's with you?" He asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost. What did Allison ask you for a pen or something?" he teased.

"I don't feel well," Luna replied weakly. "I think I'm sick." 

Diego stopped in his tracks. "No  way, Luna." He scowled at her. "You are not going to bail on me! You promised me ages ago that you would come with me to today's meeting."

Luna realized that she had completely forgotten about the meeting. She couldn't go to the mall with Allison; she'd agreed weeks ago to go to a meeting after school with her best friend. Diego would put a stake through Luna if she backed out now.

"I know you, Luna," Diego declared. "You never get sick!"

"That's not true, " Luna replied halfheartedly. "I got sick in fourth grade." 

Diego raised an eyebrow. 'You got a marble stuck in your ear." 

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay." Luna took a deep breath. "I'm going. Four o'clock, right?"

Diego nodded and Luna felt her heart sink into her boots. It's better this way, she told herself. I'll put a note in Allison's locker after school, telling her I can't go. Luna let her bangs fall in front of her face and followed Diego into their fourth-period class.

⏰

"Okay, class!" Mr. Strain shouted, holding a ridiculous red hunting cap to his head so it wouldn't blow away. "Spread out! I want to see a full report on this soccer field's flora! Remember, conifers are extra credit!"

Five clutched his hoodie around himself and looked down at the leaf-covered grass. "I'm all in favour of science class outside," he said just loud enough that Luna would hear. "But this is really dumb."

He turned to see his sister's reaction but Luna had vanished. Five spun around and spotted her trudging off into the distance. "Wait up!" Five called after her.

He caught up with Luna near the edge of the field. "How do you move so fast in those boots?" Five asked mostly rhetorically. "What are -"

"Do you think this is an oak or an ash?" Luna asked tentatively as she held up a red leaf."

"An oak," Five said, slightly confused. "What're you doing all the way over here?" 

Luna threw the leaf away and bent to pick up another, then another. "I didn't want anyone to disturb my leaf sampling."

"Okaaay," Five said doubtfully. 

Luna kept working silently, picking up leaves, looking at them, jotting down notes, and dropping the leaves. Under her makeup, her face was fixed in a deep frown that looked like more than her usual goth grimace.

Five sighed and reached out to squeeze his sister's shoulder. "You're really nervous about your date with Allison, huh?" 

Luna's scowl deepened and she moved away.

"It's okay, Luna," Five continued, full of sympathy. "This summer, there was this girl I had the biggest crush on and she-"

Luna crushed a pinecone in her fist. "I'm not going," she said to the grass. 

"What?" Five asked, blinking, sure he misheard her.

"I can't." Luna wiped her hands off on her skirt and sighed. "I forgot I have this meeting I have to go to. I promised to Diego forever ago." 

"The girl you're "utterly in love with" asked you out and you're not going?" Five cried incredulously.

Luna kept her gaze down. "She just asked me to go to the mall, she probably meant just as friends," she sighed. "And It's for the best that I don't go. If I did, I know I'd do something seriously grave, like try to hold Allison's hand or throw up on her on the escalator or whatever. She probably doesn't even like girls, let alone me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Five demanded. 

"Come on, Five!" Luna wailed, scattering her piles of leaves. "What are the chances she's gay? And if she is, what are the chances she'd want to date me? There's like, two people at this school who think I'm a girl and one of them is you."

"Oh my God," Five said with a shake of his head. "If this were the movies I'd have to slap your face to make you snap out of it." He was so dumbfounded by Luna's self-hate spiral that he couldn't think of anything else to say so he sat on the ground, eyes closed tight as he slapped his hands against his knees. He could still hear Luna writing and shuffling through her leaves. 

As the wind blew by them, Luna swore, presumably as her leaves blew away and Five shivered. He half wished he was still wearing Luna's long skirt. That's it! he thought, springing to his feet and rushing through Luna's leaf piles to her side.

"I really wish you'd stop disturbing my sample," Luna said. 

Five grabbed his sister by the shoulders. "Luna, we have to switch again," he declared firmly. 

"You're right," Luna sighed, still frowning, "You'd be much better on a date or whatever."

"No, you'll go on the date," Five said, grinning. “I'll go to the meeting!" 

"Oh!" Luna said, sounding shocked. Then she shook her head. "I think it's one of those meetings where a cheerleader might stick out, though." 

Luna was clearly confused and Five had to resist the urge to try and shake sense into her. "There will be two Lunas, you dork," he explained. "Imposter Luna -that's me- will do the meeting thing with Diego. Real Luna -you, duh- will go to the mall with Allison."

Luna silently studied the leaf in her hand for a long moment. Finally, she looked up. "I know you're trying to help, Five," she sighed, "but it won't work. This meeting is all goths- and even if you could fool everyone, you'll never get past Diego."  

"If you can fool Charlotte, I can fool Diego," Five said confidently.

"Charlotte is dumb," Luna countered. "Diego isn't– I mean, he's not going to be valedictorian any time soon but he's definitely smarter than Charlotte." 

"Don't underestimate me," Five pleaded. "Just because I'm a cheerleader that doesn't mean I don't know all about Goths. I'm like, the number one teenage vampire fan alive. I've read every Count Vira book four times, I know the original Dracula movie's script by heart! I promise I'll fit right in."

Luna laughed uncomfortably. 

"All right, class," Mr. Strain called across the field. "Time's almost up!"

"Say you'll do it," Five said intently.

"I want to, Five. But-"

Five took her hands. "Luna, I swear to you as your twin brother that if you don't go on this date, you will never forgive yourself. The girl likes you. She likes you. I've read fifteen books on eye contact and nonverbal communication. She's definitely into you-"

"Fuck, that's a lot of books," Luna said. 

"-and the only thing that will definitely ruin that is if you blow her off," Five finished. 

"But what will we talk about?" Luna asked desperately. "Somehow I don't think asking about the 'latest' is going to work in this situation."

"I'll help you," Five said firmly. He was not going to take no for an answer. "You'll be fine, you did great at lunch!" 

Luna was silent.

"Students!" Mr. Strain called. 

"Say you'll do it," Five whispered pleadingly. "Please." 

Luna blinked. "Okay," she said, a smile creeping onto her face as she squeezed Five's hands. "But I get to wear my black velvet sneakers."

⏰

Five used Luna's cell phone to call his mother as soon as the final bell rang and told her that he was going to Luna's house after school. This was technically true because twenty minutes later, Five stood with Luna at the wrought-iron gates in front of a driveway that led up a small hill. At the top of the hill was a large brick building that looked like something out of an 1800s horror novel. There was a smokestack next to an actual turret stretching into the sky. The majority of the house was brick and black stone, with fifteen-foot tall windows and columns that rose up to the second floor. 

Luna dug through her purse until she found her key ring and used the chunky black key to open the gates. 

"This is your house?" Five asked in awe of the mismatched building. He thought of the two-story brick house his family had just moved into on the other side of Franklin Grove. Five really liked their new house– his bedroom was at least twice the size of his old one –but this place was a total mansion. 

"Yeah, Luna said. "It used to be an umbrella factory." 

"It's nice," Five said, following her up the crunchy gravel driveway. 

Luna stomped up the polished black steps with Five close behind her. Even though it was day, a huge lantern of dark red glass flickered above them. Luna peeked through one of the giant windows before unlocking the massive metal factory doors and pulling them open. "Stay here a sec," she said before disappearing inside and pulling the doors closed behind her. 

From where he stood beside a pile of firewood taller than he was, Five could see all of Franklin Grove beneath him. Looking down at all the houses and trees, Five felt something weird, like nostalgia for a place he had just moved to. In the distance, he spotted the roof of Franklin Grove middle.

Luna reappeared with a piece of paper in her hand. "Come on," she said, pulling Five inside. "My dad's teaching a class right now." She offered the paper to her twin. 

Five took the paper from her and squinted to read it in the weird dim light of the house's entrance hall. The top of the page had an umbrella logo and an address with the title "from the desk of Reginald Hargreeves." Underneath that was written: 

My dearest Luna,

The university has called upon me to instruct a lecture on the behaviours of non-human primates. As such, I will not be home for a few hours. I trust. you can find your own meal somewhere in the house if I am not home by dinner. 

Next to the signature at the bottom of the page was a thinly scrawled heart.

 "Your dad's a teacher?" Five asked, "of uh, monkey science?"

"Primatology," Luna corrected. "Not really. He's got a PhD but he dabbles in a bunch of other stuff." 

"Like what?" Five asked.

"He owns a cereal company and he's got a degree in like, a million things." Luna held out her arms wide, gesturing to the entrance hall. "Interior design, for one."

For the first time, Five looked around the room. The entryway was huge, with walls covered in interlocking patterns of stone, steel and mahogany. Across the hall was an extravagant staircase that snaked up to the second floor and above it was a window shrouded by thick black velvet curtains.

Apparently, Luna's not the only black sheep in the family, Five thought. This place is Goth heaven! 

Five followed his sister down the hallway lit by electric candelabras and passed an alcove with a suit of armour. Excitedly, he peeked into the next alcove and recoiled. Instead of a suit of armour was-

"Is that real?" Five, blurted, pointing at a chimpanzee standing in the alcove.

Luna stopped and glanced at the chimpanzee. "Yeah, that's Pogo. He was one of the chimpanzees my dad studied. He got super attached, I guess, so when Pogo died, he had him taxidermied."

Five still kept his distance from the taxidermied chimp as he followed Luna around the corner.

Suddenly, they were at the top of a staircase. To the left was a window covered with a heavy velvet curtain, which Five realized must be set just above ground level. As he followed Luna down the stairs, the wall to their right fell away to reveal the spacious basement room below. 

In the center of the stone floor was an obviously fake bear skin rug, as it was bigger than any bear and black with a bear skeleton pattern on the back. Tall, sticker-covered mahogany shelves crammed with papers, books and model spaceships took up the far wall. The ceiling was dedicated to a mural of the night sky, complete. with a moon ceiling light and accurate glow-in-the-dark constellations. In one corner of the room was a huge black desk with a computer covered in more stickers and toppling stacks of CDs and records; in another was a big black bed with piles of cool pillows and throw blankets. At the foot of the bed was a pile of black boots, slippers and shoes like so many fallen bats. 

"This is the coolest room I've ever seen," Five declared, flopping onto a black bean bag chair as soon as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

"Thank you," Luna said, sounding pleased. "The ceiling took three months. It's the night sky the minute I was born." She smiled at Five. "We were born."

Five leapt to his feet when he noticed words behind his head. He backed away to get a better look and saw big black calligraphy on the stones that ran down the side of the stairway: "The matter is that I never get any rest and my nights devour my days."

 "That is so weird," he said. “That's from the Guy de Maupassant story I read in the library today. I even told Allison to read it!"

"Le Horla?" Luna replied. "It sucks, doesn't it?"

"That's exactly what I said!" Five grinned. "You guys will have something to talk about!"

Then he spotted the largest wardrobe he had ever seen, made of ornately carved mahogany with black stars drippily spray painted across the five doors. One was open, revealing necklaces and purses that glimmered in the dim light. 

Five charged over delightedly and flung open the doors. There were racks upon racks of sweaters, skirts, pants, dresses and tops in every imaginable shade of black, purple, navy, wine, plum, sapphire and silver, with occasional flashes of emerald and gray. There was another section dedicated to even more black boots and shoes.

"I knew we had something in common!" Five declared brightly as he took inventory.

He immediately pulled out a pair of wine-red dress pants with two sets of silver buttons down the front instead of the usual button and zipper. "Can I try these on?" he asked. 

🚀

Luna stood in front of the mirror, examining the first date outfit Five helped her pick out. She hadn't worn this wine-red sleeveless turtleneck in forever but Five was right –she looked drop-dead in it. Five had also picked out a tiered black skirt -so she wouldn't need to tuck- and a black cardigan with a rib cage and vertebrae embroidered on the back that Luna hadn't even known she owned.

"What do you think of this?" Five asked behind her, referring to his latest creation. He was wearing a gray and black striped sweater that had a skull patch on the sleeve and a black chiffon and tulle skirt over a pair of black tights with silver stars sewn onto them. It must have been the sixth outfit he'd tried.

"Now that," said Luna, "looks like me." 

Five inspected himself in the mirror and smiled. "Let's accessorize," he decided. 

Luna grabbed an armful of jewelry and dumped the mess onto her bed. She and Five then sifted through it, each choosing jewelry for their own outfits.

"I'm so glad you wear clip-ons," Five said, grabbing a pair of dangly black cross earrings and a necklace with star-shaped chain links.

Luna shrugged, choosing a long silver chain with an angel pendant and blood-red tear-drop-shaped earrings for herself

After spraying Five's skin and hair, Luna and Five both set to work on their makeup. Rather, Luna did her usual makeup while Five awkwardly copied on his own face. 

Luna glanced at her coffin-shaped watch and shot Five a grimace. "You have to meet Diego in fifteen minutes and I still don't know what I'm supposed to talk to Allison about." 

"Okay," Five said, hurrying to finish applying his maroon lipstick. "Want to know the secret to an awesome first date?" 

Luna nodded impatiently. 

"Ask questions. Get her to talk about herself: her family, her friends, what she likes."

That's it? thought Luna and shot Five a skeptical look. 

"It's about getting to know each other," explained Five. "And, if she's really relationship material, she'll ask you some questions, too." 

Luna scrunched her nose nervously. "What do I do if that happens?" 

"Talk. Tell the truth. Tell her about what you like and what you hate and what drives you crazy. The only thing you might want to leave out is your brand-new cheerleading twin brother. That might freak her out."

"No kidding," Luna said, rolling her eyes. "That should be the number one rule of romance: no secret twin revelations until at least the third date."

Five giggled and stuffed his clothes into Luna's glossy black Adidas duffle bag. "And remember," he said, slinging the bag onto his shoulder, "even if you're not a cheerleader, you could still try smiling once or twice.”

A door slammed upstairs and they both looked up.

"My dad's home." Luna winced. "And I don't think now's really the right time to introduce you two. No offence."

"Is it because I'm your secret twin brother that you never knew about or because I'm wearing your bra?" Five joked, then said, "I'm not going to tell my parents about you either, at least not before we figure a few things out for ourselves." 

Luna nodded. "We'd better sneak out the window," she said, pulling Five up the stairs behind her before pulling open the curtains. 

"This is so secret agent," Five giggled as Luna pushed him out into the backyard. 

A minute later, they'd reached the bottom of the driveway. "So what's this meeting I'm going to?" Five asked. 

"I'm not completely sure," admitted Luna. "Diego is constantly signing me up for clubs and stuff. I think he didn't want to tell me because he knew I'd hate it." 

They took a shortcut through the woods behind a neighbour's house. 

"Whatever you do," Luna instructed as they walked down the leaf-covered path, "don't look happy to be there. No perkiness, no enthusiasm, no 'Hi, guys!' You do any of that and they'll eat you alive." 

"Got it. Where's the meeting going to be?"

"I'm not sure. I know it's not at school though but it'll probably just be a bunch of-" Luna hesitated "-Goths debating something."

Suddenly her stomach did a flip and all the reasons this was a terrible and dangerous idea came to the surface. What if somebody says something that makes Five suspicious? Luna stopped at a fork in the path. "Anyway," She said nervously, "just ignore most of what everyone says. Hell, all of it."

Five gave her a weird look. 

"You know, uh, b-because," Luna stammered, "Goths can have really weird Senses of humour."

"Okay," Five said and shrugged. 

"I'm going this way to the mall." Luna pointed down one path. Keep going straight and you'll end up at the field behind the school. You're meeting Diego by the front doors." 

Five hugged Luna tightly. "You're going to be irresistible!" 

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Luna replied. "Seriously." 

Then she hurried off down the path to the mall, determined not to throw up at any point during her date with Allison- not even on the escalator.

Chapter Text

Bring on the Goths! Five thought. 

"You're late," huffed the blond boy with medium brown skin Five now knew as Diego. He charged over to Five, black scarf swishing behind him. "I've been outside the photo lab for half an eternity." Diego narrowed his one visible eye. "You weren't trying to back out on me, were you?"

"No," Five said, making sure he didn't bounce. "I just ran home to change. And I couldn't find my-" he hesitated and Diego peered at him skeptically "-my skull sweater," Five finished.

Diego's mouth fell open. "You mean my skull sweater that you borrowed and never returned!" He grabbed Five's sleeve. "I sewed that patch on!"

Oops. "I guess that's the one," Five said hoarsely. 

"Well," said Dego, punching Five's arm, "it is a killer fashion statement. You look deadly."

Ow! Five bit back a wince and instead said, "Thank you."

"So let's go." Diego pushed him toward the sidewalk. "I don't want to be late."  

So far, so good, Five thought with a rush of relief. If he could make it to the meeting without arousing Diego's suspicions, everything else would be easy. 

They cut across the school parking lot and turned onto Thornhill Road. Five glanced over and caught Diego sneaking a sideways look at him.

Fuck, Five thought, He's onto me. 

Diego stopped and grabbed his arm. "We need to talk," he said seriously. 

Five held his breath and waited for the axe to fall.

"Listen, I know you're not going to enjoy this," Diego sighed, frowning. "In fact, you're going to hate it. But I really want to be on the planning committee."

Five let himself breathe again, his breath coming out in a weird gasp. So his secret was safe– for now. And Five had been head of the planning committee for the Spring carnival at the school he went to back in Texas, which had totally rocked. "Planning committee for what?" He asked. curiously.

"The All Hallows' Ball," Diego said apologetically. He sounded like a little kid who knows they're in trouble. "Every year for the past eternity, they use the same lifeless professional photographer with the worst comb-over and I know I could do something seriously deadly and candid. But nobody thinks I can because, you know," he huffed, gesturing vaguely to his face.

What does his face have to do with taking pictures? Five wondered. Then he realized and could've kicked himself. Oh my God! The planning committee must be racist and Diego wants me, well, Luna, to vouch for him. 

Diego continued. "But they won't even consider me as a photographer unless we're on the planning committee, which is why we're joining."

"That'll be cool," Five blurted. 

Diego stared at Five like he had grown a second head and Five realized that Luna would not think party planning was cool. At all.

"I mean you taking the pictures, Sounds cool, not party planning," He said quickly, with his best Luna eye-roll. Then he continued in a gloomy tone, meant to convey Goth resignation, "Just don't expect me to be into planning or whatever. I'm only going for you."

"Agreed," Diego said, looking relieved. "You're the best, Luna, you know that?" 

Five bit back a smile, instead shrugging noncommittally. 

As they walked, Five wondered why he hadn't heard anything about the ball before. At his old school, there would have been posters everywhere. 

The tree-lined street turned into a concrete thoroughfare between two different strip malls and they walked past a Blockbuster and a Spirit Halloween. Diego leapt up onto the back of a stone bench and tiptoed along it before jumping back down. 

Five struggled to limit his reaction to a close-lipped Goth smile but it wasn't easy. "Have you considered trying out for the cheer squad?" He only half-joked. 

Diego stuck his tongue out, revealing a metal piercing. At that moment, a gust of wind blew past, messing up Diego's bangs and Five finally got a good look at his eyes. Or rather, his left eye and his... 

"You're wearing an eyepatch," Five said bluntly. 

Diego sighed and covered his eyepatch with his hand. "Ugh, I know. I smashed my prosthetic on the side of the pool and it cracked so I had to take it out." 

"Your prosthetic?" Five echoed like an idiot.

"Yeah, I got a new eye last week. and I already broke it," Diego said, smirking. "My parents are gonna throw a fit when they find out."

Ohhhh, so that's why the All Hallows' Ball planning committee thinks Diego can't take pictures, Five thought, he only has one eye. But that's still dumb! Don't you have to close one eye before taking a picture? 

Diego veered into the parking lot of a giant Food Mart. Five was a little surprised, considering they were already running late but he followed him inside without comment. Maybe they were supposed to get a snack for the meeting or something.

 But Diego didn't even go to the snack aisle. Five followed him past paper towels and laundry detergent that made him gag to the back of the store. They stopped in front of a teenage employee with dark hair and a nose ring who was stacking cases of cranberry juice on a cart. 

Out of nowhere, Diego declared, "Pumpernickel."

Well that's a lame snack, thought Five. 

Without even looking up, the employee silently pulled a key from a chain that hung from his belt loop and unlocked a gray door marked STAFF ONLY. 

Diego walked through and Five hustled after him. 

This is weird, thought Five. 

They started down a dimly lit steep black staircase. The handrail rattled and Five clung to it like a lifeline, terrified he'd trip over his boots. Ahead of him, Diego barreled down the stairs fearlessly. 

Clearly, this thing was a total secret, Five decided. But what kind of dance required a hush-hush meeting in the basement of a supermarket? The only things Five could think of were nineteenth-century opium dens or that documentary he had seen about 1920s speakeasies. Alcohol was illegal so they had to do everything in secret because the cops kept trying to bust them. 

My mom will never let me go to this dance, thought Five with a tinge of disappointment. 

The stairs led to a long narrow hallway with red lights all along the ceiling. They passed an unmarked door, behind which Five could have sworn a crowd of people were laughing and talking. Finally, after squeezing past a stack of chairs, they reached the end of the hall and another nondescript door. 

Diego pushed it open and Five was surprised to find himself in a room that looked a lot like the conference room at his dad's old office: dry-erase board, beige carpet, fake black leather office chairs. The only real difference was the huge round stone table in the center of the room. 

Some Goths were standing around drinking cherry punch. A serious-looking girl with chunky glasses was organizing papers on the table. 

"Diego!" A ginger boy wearing a Ouija board sweater called brightly. "I guess they'll just let anyone join, huh? Hey Luna." 

Five didn't know what the boy's name was so he didn't say anything. The boy's appearance was so strange that Five couldn't stop staring. He was paler than anyone he had ever seen, so pale that his skin was sickly grey and his veins showed through it. Five had learned about anemia in science and this had to be it. The boy's nails were at least an inch long, making his already thin fingers look skeletal. All he needed was a set of fangs and a cape and this boy would look exactly like an old-timey movie vampire. 

"Yeah man, they let you in," Diego teased, punching the boy's arm and getting his hair mussed up in return. 

"How'd you let Diego drag you here?" The anemic boy asked, smoothing his shirt back into place. 

Five had no idea what to say. He shifted uncomfortably. 

Luckily, the girl in the chunky glasses cleared her throat in an official way and bailed Five out by saying, "We're five minutes late; let's get started."

Talk later, the boy mouthed and went to claim a chair next to an equally pale but less sick-looking boy with green hair so light it was almost white.

Five had already started lowering himself into a seat when he noticed that everyone else was simply standing behind their chairs. He jerked himself back up.

The room was silent. The girl in charge held her hands above the table like she was warming them over a fine. and closed her eyes. "May the Secret be cloaked in darkness," she said solemnly. 

"And never see the light of day," said the group as one except the green-haired boy, who signed something with his hands instead. 

Five was baffled. What is this, the Goth pledge of allegiance? he wondered. He hoped no one had noticed that he hadn't joined in. They were now all sitting down, so he quickly slipped into his chair

"Okay, kids," the girl began, pulling her hair back into a messy bun. "We only have three weeks to pull off Franklin Grove's two hundred and second annual All Hallows' Ball, and with blood as my witness, I'm determined to make it the best one ever."

That must be the weird sense of humour Luna mentioned, Five thought,

She clicked a recording device on and continued. "This is the first of three planning committee meetings and all will be recorded for record-keeping purposes. Today we need to decide on the theme and who's going to be responsible for-"

She was interrupted by raucous laughter in the hallway and suddenly the door swung open. In walked four boys, all laughing and shoving each other. 

It was the boys who had cornered Five in the hall at school, the ones Luna called the Beasts. Five shoved his hand into his bag underneath the table and clutched his hairspray. Hairspray in the eyes burned like hell and he wasn't afraid to use it on the Beasts. His stomach flipped as the boys approached the table. 

It's okay, Five told himself, Luna isn't afraid of them.

"What a surprise!" the girl leading the meeting said coolly, "You guys are late."

"Sorry, babes," one of the Beasts said as he and his friends grabbed seats. "We had to, uh, grab a bite." He grinned. 

The other Beasts guffawed like idiots but everyone else just groaned. 

"You wish," a girl with lop bangs and a British accent huffed. 

"Anyways!" the girl running the meeting snapped, calling the meeting back to order, "now that everyone is finally here, we'll go around and state our names for The record. Melissa," she said into the recording device.

They went around the table, everyone saying their own name. 

"Klaus Murphy," the pale ginger boy said. "Oh, and Ben's here too."

The green-haired boy next to him nodded. 

"Luna Hargreeves," Five deadpanned when it was his turn.

"Great, thank you," Melissa said when everyone had finished. "Now we need to decide on a theme. I'll open up the floor for brainstorming."

People started calling out ideas. "What about a costume ball?" A boy with six facial piercings suggested. 

"Seventies disco could be cool," the girl with bangs, Lila or something said. "My dad and mom have all these old records and stuff. We could do it at the roller rink too."

"Fantasy? Like Lord of the Rings?"

Ben signed something and nudged Klaus's arm. "Ben said we could do the Under the Sea theme, like from Back to the Future."

"What if everyone had to wear something purple?"

"Everyone could wear jeans! We'll call it the All Hallows' Jall. Like, jeans ball."

Melissa did not look impressed. 

Oh my god, Five thought suddenly. I have the best idea! "How about a vampire theme?" he blurted. "You could do coffins instead of tables, with bats and stuff hanging everywhere. And oh, you could even get a big projector and show that old Dracula movie you know, the original black-and-white one with Bela Lugosi! And someone could take black-and-white photographs of all the guests!"

Nobody spoke for a long time. Someone coughed. At last, the boy with the piercings raised an eyebrow and said, "So you want to perpetuate the stereotype?"

Huh? thought Five.

"I expected that from Klaus," someone said, getting chuckles in response. 

"Hey!" Klaus protested. "It's a cool idea!"

"He's right, Luna's onto something." Melissa decided, nodding slowly. "Retro is in."

"Can you imagine? Everyone in fangs and capes and shit?" Klaus enthused. "Or those creepy long nails, that would be deadly." He wiggled his own creepy long nails.

Ben nodded. 

"I agree," said Lila, smiling at Five. "This idea really sucks, Luna."

For a second, Five panicked but then he remembered that "suck" was good. He glanced over at Diego, who was staring at him in shock, but who still managed a small, surprised smile.

🚀

In the food court at the mall, Luna fidgeted at a little table, watching as Allison waited in line at Deep Slice for a small Carnivore's Delight pizza for the two of them to share. Allison looked utterly gorgeous in her black leather mini-skirt and dark purple crushed velvet hoodie. She turned and smiled at Luna from under her violet bangs. Luna gave a small breathless wave and continued stacking the spice shakers on the table.

Their date -and it was a date, that was the first thing Luna asked Allison- hadn't gone anything like Luna had imagined. The first thing Allison had done was lead Luna right past ACICDs and Seance Undead Accessories to the arcade, where she challenged her to an air hockey. tournament.

For the next forty minutes, they had barely spoken. Instead, they shouted and laughed and banged their little round paddles on the table as the thin plastic puck whizzed between them, cracking against the boards.

Luna won four games out of seven. "You let me win!" she had said, grinning and bravely nudging Allison's arm as they walked out of the arcade. 

"You think so?" She'd replied, spinning on her heels and grabbing Luna's hand. "Then let's make it best of eleven."

Allison had won that round, but only just. She'd promised Luna they'd keep a running tally.

Now Luna was watching as she filled up their cups at the drinks dispenser. When she comes back, Luna thought, remembering her brother's advice, I'm going to ask her about herself.  

Allison approached carefully, her eyes on the loaded tray she was carrying. She set the tray down on the table and passed Luna her drink.

"You know, I've been scared to death," Allison said, sitting down across from Luna.

"Of spilling something?" Luna asked, pretending to be distracted by balancing the parmesan on top of the salt and pepper. 

Allison smitked, shaking her head. "I have so many questions I want to ask you," she told Luna.

Luna blinked at her tower and prepared to put the red pepper flakes on top. "Like what?"

"I don't know," Allison shrugged. "Everything?"

Luna couldn't help recalling what Five had said about girls who ask questions. Girlfriend material! Luna thought delightedly, her heart pounding. She tried not to seem excited.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Allison asked.

Luna's hand jerked and the chilli peppers knocked into the parmesan and the entire tower of spices collapsed, cracking into her full cup and sending it flying. 

Allison was already on her feet. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll get some napkins."

⏰

Pretty soon everybody at the planning committee meeting was talking about the theme Five had suggested for the ball. Meanwhile, the Beasts kept whispering and snickering to one another. 

Finally, Melissa turned to them. "Care to share?"

They all looked up. One of them, Garrick or something, said, "Uh, yeah. We got an idea."

"Okay, said Melissa. 

"It's a really excellent idea for a - what do you call it? A decoration," Garrick went on. His friends chuckled.

"Totally excellent," one of them muttered. 

" Okay ," Melissa said impatiently. 

"A blood fountain," Garrick announced. 

"A what?" Melissa asked.

"You know. A fountain of blood." All the Beasts were totally cracking up now.

"Talk about perpetuating stereotypes," Klaus muttered to Ben, who smirked.

"As if," Melissa huffed, rolling her eyes. "Besides, fountains were last year's party feature."

Diego whispered, "what losers!" in Five's ear and Five felt relieved that Luna's friends didn't want to take his idea that far.

"Alright," Melissa continued. "It looks like we've got our theme. The next big question on the agenda is where we should hold the ball. Any ideas? And no–" she glared at the Beasts "—the graveyard is not an option!"

Five felt a nudge under the table and looked over to find Diego staring intently at him.

"Anyone?" asked Melissa. 

Diego was now pursing his lips and glaring at Five, clearly trying to say something with his eyes but Five had no idea what it was. 

Diego sighed and turned to face the table. "How about Luna's house?" he suggested. "You know, that mansion on top of Undertaker Hill? It has a massive ballroom on the third floor. You can see all of Franklin Grove from up there."

Five kicked Diego under the table. "I'm not sure that's a good idea!" he said hurriedly. "I don't think my parents- I mean, uh, my dad..." He shook his head wildly. "Well, he won't like it," Five finished lamely. "He's kind of…"

"Crazy?" A Beast suggested and Diego flipped him off.

"I guess he's kind of antisocial but your father loves decorating," Lila said. "My parents still talk about the Dead of Winter fundraiser he planned a few years back."

Klaus nodded. "I bet he'd even be willing to help out with decorations," he said. "He's an insanely good designer." 

"He redid aunt's place last year," a boy who hadn't spoken before said. "It looks drop-dead."

"But a ball for the whole school is a lot of people," Five protested. 

"Don't be so dramatic, Hargreeves," Klaus said. "It's not the whole school. Just the high school and middle school students from our community. A hundred people, tops." 

Five suddenly understood why he hadn't seen any posters at school: this was an exclusively Goth affair. How intense! he thought excitedly. Maybe that's why they're being so secretive.

"Since you came up with the theme and it's your house, Luna, I think it's only fair that you be head of decorations," Melissa said.

"I still have to ask my dad," Five muttered. Head of decorations! How cool is that?

"All in favour, say aye," Melissa commanded. 

Everyone said, "aye," even the Beasts. 

Doing his best to channel Luna, Five rolled his eyes. "Sure, cool, whatever." 

Five was still walking on air when he and Diego emerged from the FoodMart after the meeting. Halfway across the parking lot, Diego spun around to face him. 

"That wasn't like you," he said. 

Five's heart dropped. He knows!

"That idea," Diego went on, "and the way you spoke up. Really, the fact that you come at all." He beamed at Five. "Thank you so much, Luna!" Diego started talking really fast. "It is such a seriously big deal to be on the planting Committee for the All Hallows' Ball at all, and my best friend-" he grabbed Five's hand proudly "-my best friend, came up with the theme, is hosting it at her house and is going to be Head of Decorations. And guess who she's going to appoint as head of photography? This is going to be deadly!" Diego concluded and hugged Five before jumping up and down.

Five couldn't help but smiling and jumping up and down too, just a little bit.

"Enough!" Diego declared, throwing his scarf over his shoulder. "I need to go home and study algebra, but I will talk to you later." He gave Five one more slightly painful hug and took off into the dimming autumn light.

Five knew he should hurry home too. He'd promised to be home by seven as his father was grilling veggies on the new barbecue for dinner. But he decided it was okay if he paused for just a second. After all, he had made it through the meeting. Not only that, but he had really contributed. His parents would be proud of him if they knew. He felt like he was really going to love Franklin Grove. As long as Luna didn't kill him.

As he stopped in a restaurant's bathroom to change clothes, Five prayed that his sister had a great date with Allison. Actually, he hoped Luna was more overjoyed than she'd ever been in her entire life because if not, she probably wasn't going to handle Five's news very well. After all, not only was Luna -the official Anti-perky- going to have to plan the All Hallows' Ball, she had to convince her father to host it too!

Chapter Text

Luna kicked off her shoes, fell back on her bed and hugged one of her moon pillows to her chest. 

What did she mean when she said she was scared to death? Luna wondered.

I can't believe I spilled my drink! But at least I didn't have to answer her question about whether I have siblings. 

Was it an accident when her hand brushed against mine on the escalator? 

She said we'd keep a running tally in air hockey. Does that mean she's going to ask me out again? 

I never want to forget the look. on her face when she said goodbye. 

Her phone rang, making Luna jump. It rang again. 

Maybe it's Allison! She rolled over and picked it up. "Hello?" 

"Greetings, Madam Head of Decorations," Diego declared dramatically. 

Luna had completely forgotten about Five and the meeting. She sat up with a jolt. "Hey, Gogo. What's up?" 

"The deadliest All Hallows' Ball in history, that's what's up!" Diego replied delightedly. 

The All Hallows' Ball? Luna wondered.

"I'm supposed to be studying," Diego barreled on as he was one to do, "but I just couldn't stop thinking of ideas. Like, what if you could have your picture taken with a cutout of that old guy who was Grandpa on The Munsters ?"

"The Munsters?" quavered Luna.

"You know, that old TV show." 

"Uh-huh." Luna was starting to feel seriously ill. 

"Oh, I think it would be killer if we had coffins near the entrance, and you could get your picture taken getting out of one, right next to your date getting out of their own coffin. Isn't that killer?" Diego rattled on. 

Luna was dumbfounded. What did Five do?

"So?" Diego asked expectantly. "What do you think?"

"Since when does it matter what I think?" Luna asked, a little more bitchy than she meant it to come out.

 "Uh, since you came up with the theme, got elected head of decorations and agreed to have the ball at your house," Diego answered matter-of-factly.

What?!? Luna flopped back onto her bed.

"Speaking of, did you talk to your dad yet?" Diego asked. 

"No, I didn't–"

A male voice yelled in Spanish on Diego's end of the phone. 

"Qué pasa?" Diego yelled back, "Estoy en el teléfono! With Luna!"

The voice, which Luna now realized was Diego's father, yelled again. 

"Oh my God," Diego huffed. "¿Qué quieres decir con 'que?' Luna! You've met Luna." She practically heard him roll his eyes. "Sorry, I gotta go," he said quickly before hanging up. 

Luna tossed her phone across her bed and sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. I never should have let Five go to that meeting!

But then she thought of Allison. If Luna hadn't gone through with the switch, she wouldn't have been able to go on the date. In fact, if it weren't for Five, she might never have even spoken to Allison at all. 

Plus Diego seemed ecstatic about whatever Five had done and if anyone deserved that, it was Luna's best friend. 

Luna let out a heavy sigh before. picking up her phone again. She'd saved her brother's number on it when Five had borrowed it to call home. 

"Abbott residence," Five said perkily. 

"It's me," Luna said.

"Luna! You're home!" Five squealed excitedly. "I tried you like fifteen minutes ago! How was it?"

"It was–" Luna stopped. "It was perfect," She said at last.

Five gasped as if he'd just opened a wonderful present. "I knew it," he said softly.

Luna was suddenly dying to tell her brother everything: where she and Allison had gone, what she'd said, how she'd smelled and how she had looked at her when they'd said goodbye. Instead, Luna said, "Don't try to change the subject, Five. I specifically told you to sit in that meeting and not say anything."

"I know," Five said sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"And not only did you do that but you landed me the one job at which I'm guaranteed to be a disaster!" 

"You won't be a disaster," Five protested. 

"Oh, come on!" Luna cried, hunching her shoulders so she could hold her phone to her ear while pulling her socks off. "Luna Hargreeves, head of decorations? I don't like people, I don't like parties and I don't like decorating things!" 

"But you have great taste!" Her brother countered.

"Five, you don't understand! This is the most important event of the whole year for- uh-" Luna fumbled for words. "For teenagers in our community." 

"I can help," Five offered instantly.

"Thanks, but you can't make people like me," Luna huffed, rubbing her temples. "Besides," she said, "who says my father will go for it?"

Everyone seemed to like you at the meeting," Five said matter-of-factly. "And Diego said so. He and everyone thought it would be right up your father's alley. Well, except, y'know…"

"Fucking Beasts," Luna huffed. "Remind me to tear their heads off next time I see them."

"Will do," Five said brightly. "So your dad will like it?" 

Luna's dad would love it. He was an excellent designer and there was nothing he loved more than having control over a project. As long as he could take a few sleeping pills and sleep through the actual dance, her father would love decorating and everything else Luna would hate. And, annoyingly, he was always trying to get Luna involved in the community. "With a name like Luna," he was always saying, "you should be getting out more." 

"I'm really sorry, Luna, I completely understand why you're upset. I never should have signed you up for something like this. But Diego says it's cool to be involved with the ball," Five said hopefully. 

"It is," Luna admitted, "but Luna Hargreeves is not cool!"

"She could be!"

"Yeah, when Hell freezes over," she huffed. "I can't do this, Five, I can't." 

"A few hours ago you said you couldn't go on a date with Allison Daniels," Five argued, "and look how that turned out!"

Luna was speechless. She was still trying to come up with a comeback when Five spoke again. 

"Also, oh my God," he said, "how did you never tell me about Diego's eye?" 

"It never came up!" Luna protested. "You can't tell either, not most of the time."

There was a knock at the basement door and her father appeared at the top of the stairs. "Pardon me, my dear," he said politely, "but it is time for dinner." 

"I'll be up in a minute, Dad," Luna answered softly. 

He nodded before disappearing up the stairs again.

Luna sighed, she felt so tired. For a moment she said nothing. "Meet me at Costello's tomorrow at noon," she finally said to her brother, "and I'll let you know what my dad said."

"Great!" Five cheered so loudly that Luna pulled the phone away from her ear. "So you'll ask him?

"I'll see you tomorrow," Luna finished and hung up.

She sighed, slipped on a pair of bat slippers and shuffled to the bottom of the stairs like a zombie. Then, suddenly, she imagined Allison standing on the landing above her, wearing a dark purple ball gown that showed off her amazing collar bones and lounging against the banister as she waited for Luna. Allison looked utterly gorgeous, her dark hair framing her high cheekbones and big brown eyes as glanced around, clearly admiring the decorations. Her gaze finally came to rest on Luna, an adoring look in her eyes. 

Luna shook the thought from her mind, but she couldn't shake the smile that had crept onto her face. With a cheerleader-esque spring in her step, she skipped up the stairs to talk to her father.

⏰

"This place does quite a business," Five's father noted as Five climbed out of the car in front of Costello's Diner. 

Apparently, Costello's was even more popular for weekend brunch than it was for burgers after school- the line was out the door. Five waved goodbye to his dad and squeezed inside to see if his sister had already arrived.

Sure enough, Luna was sitting at the table they shared last time. 

Five bounded over. "Hey!"

Luna responded with a serious-sounding "Hello, Five."

Right away, Five's heart sank. He sat down across from Luna, ready to learn that they wouldn't be having the All. Hallows' Ball at her house after all. "Your dad said no, didn't he?" he asked with a sigh. 

Luna shook her head. "He said yes."

"Yes?" Five cried.

"Yes," Luna confirmed, her face breaking into a smile. "I think he's more excited about this than you are." 

"That's awesome." Five declared.

"And everything's going to be fine," Luna added lightly.

Wait a minute, Five thought. That doesn't sound like Luna. He shot his sister a skeptical look. "I thought you thought this was a terrible idea." 

Luna nodded. "I do. But I've figured out how to fix it."

"You're going to burn me at the stake?" Five joked.

Luna grinned. "Tempting but no," she said. "Hereafter, you will pretend to be me for all ball planning meetings and decorating activities."

Five blinked. "You mean you want to switch again?"

Luna nodded. 

Suddenly the waitress appeared. Luna got her usual burger and Five ordered a stack of pancakes with vegan whipped cream and extra strawberries. 

After the waitress left, Five said, "What happened to 'you'll never make it past my friends?'"

Luna's nose scrunched. "I'm willing to take that risk. And apparently, my friends don't know me very well anyway. Head of decorations?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Five took a sip of his iced coffee. thinking it over. He had to admit, being Luna at yesterday's meeting had been a lot of fun. 

"There are only two more meetings, right?" Luna asked. 

"Uh-huh, plus the actual decorating before the ball." This could work, he thought. 

"Then that's the plan," Luna said decisively. She flashed that fake mean squint of hers. "You'd better make me look good." 

"For sure," Five said distractedly. He was already lost in thought about what ideas he'd present at the next meeting on Friday.

Friday! he realized with a jolt. "I can't do it!" he blurted." "The meetings are at the same time as cheerleading practice!" 

"Five-"

"Luna, I know I fucked up but I need to go to practice. If I don't show up, I'll never make the squad!." Five explained frantically.

"I can-" 

"I really, really, really, really, really want to be a Devils Cheerleader," Five pleaded. "I've been cheering since I was a kid!"

"I know-"

"You have no idea how important this is to me and-"

"FIVE," Luna said firmly, cutting through his nervous rambling. "I'm going to go to cheer practice for you." 

Five blinked. You're kidding," he said at last. 

"I'm dead serious," Luna said and she looked it too.

This is a terrible idea! thought Five. He shook his head briskly. "Talking to a jock at lunch and fooling Charlotte is easy compared to cheering, Luna. We train all year for tryouts. I mean, cheerleading is totally hard." 

"Who made the squad in sixth grade?" Luna demanded.

The waitress appeared and set their food and Luna's blood orangeade down at their table.

"Besides," Luna went on, "it's not as if it would be for the actual tryout. You'll still get to make the squad all on your own."

Five hesitated, fidgeting with his napkin. 

Luna leaned forward, her burger dripping sauce as she held it in one hand. "Five, you got me into this shit," she said in a low voice. "Now you're going to get me out of it."

"But-" Five began.

"No buts," interrupted Luna. "Now eat your food, it's bulk season according to every jock." She took a bite of her burger that reminded Five of a nature documentary.

"But I thought you hated cheerleading," Five persisted, beginning to cut his pancakes into equally-sized pieces. 

"I do," admitted Luna, covering her full mouth with her hand. "But I hate party planning more."

Five thought about it while he started eating his pancakes. It was his fault that Luna was on the planning committee and he owed it to his sister to make things right. "I'll do it," Five said at last, drumming his fingers on the table, "but only if you'll practice with me every day after school. We're going to train together."

"Absolutely," said Luna with no hesitation. "I've been planning on working out more anyways."

"I mean it," Five said seriously, tapping faster. "You've got to be  squad material if you're to pretend to be me."

"You bet." Luna agreed.

Five whined wordlessly and rapidly smacked his hands against both sides of his head.

"Hey, it's gonna be fine," Luna said, taking Five's hands in her own so he couldn't hit himself anymore. "We can handle this."

"Is this what you felt like after we talked on the phone last night?" Five squeaked.

Luna grimaced sympathetically. "Pretty much."

Five took a deep breath and pulled his hands out of Luna's grip. Here we go, he thought, squeezing his hands into fists. Then he looked up, all business. "Okay," he said, finishing the dregs of his coffee. "That means we only all have four days next week to get you into shape. I'm starting you on a strict program for the rest of the weekend. Give me a pen."

"You're giving me homework?" Luna asked incredulously, pulling a pen out of her purse and handing it over.

"Sort of," Five answered, beginning a list on a napkin. "You have four cheerleading movies to rent and watch before Monday."

Chapter Text

"I cannot believe you watch a movie called Go Team Go ," Luna deadpanned. She and Five were standing in the hallway after first period Monday morning. "It may have been the gravest eighty-two minutes of my life. That Veronica girl was seriously stupid."

"You were supposed to watch the cheers, Luna," Five said, fixing his sweater in the reflection of a display case. "Anyway, where should we practice this afternoon? I've told my parents I have practice every day after school for the next two weeks."

"Since school's not an option," Luna said, "let's use my backyard. My father just landed a big project, so he won't be home early anytime soon."

"Great," Five said.

Over her brother's shoulder, Luna spotted Allison coming down the hall. Instinctively, she edged behind Five.

"The hell are you doing?" He asked.

 Luna hesitated. "Hiding," she whispered. 

To her horror, he turned around to look. "Oh my God." He spun back around. "You should see the look on Allison's face!" Five gave Luna's shoulders a squeeze. "I'll leave you two love birds alone," he said and hurried away. 

"Hi, Luna," Allison said, glancing down at her own shoes. 

"Hey," Luna squeaked, her heart beating wildly.

"How, uh, how was your weekend?" Allison asked, still not looking her in the eye. 

"Good," Luna answered, unable to come up with anything more detailed that didn't include secret twin revelations.

Alison laughed awkwardly and looked away the moment their eyes met, her gaze dropping back to her velvet peep toe heels. "Thanks again for coming with me to the mall."

"You're welcome," Luna said lamely. She knew her answers must sound seriously dim but she was just too excited to think straight.

Allison started fidgeting with the lid of a pen she was holding. "So, uh…"

Suddenly Luna realized that Allison was nervous. She could actually hear Allison's heart pounding. It made her even more gorgeous. 

Allison's pen cap slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor. They both knelt down to pick it up. Luna's hand brushed against hers. 

"Sorry," they both said at once. 

Allison picked up the cap. "So, what I wanted to ask you is…" She began, still kneeling awkwardly.

Luna stared intently at her. 

"Will you go with me to the All Hallows' Ball?" Allison finished.

Luna's heart stopped. She stared at Allison, the girl she'd been in love with for three years but only talked to for the first time on Friday. Then her heart restarted and every emotion came back all at once. This is it, Luna thought, I am going to throw up on Alison Daniels' shoes.

"Are you alright?" Allison asked softly, pressing the back of her hand to Luna's cheek. "You look kinda sick."

"I'm terrible at dancing!" Luna choked out. "Like, really terrible. My father made me take ballroom dancing lessons for years and-" she laughed awkwardly. "I can't dance."

Allison's face lit up like a full moon. "Neither can I," she said, resting her hands on her knees. Then she cocked her head to the side and asked, "But have you ever tried dancing with someone who can't dance?" 

Luna shook her head.

"It's not so bad." Allison grabbed Luna's hands and pulled them both to their feet. "Look." She moved Luna's hands to her shoulders and put her own hands on Luna's waist.

Luna felt like she was touching one of those static electricity plasma balls at the science museum. Energy seemed to course through her and she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. With her heels on, Allison was a good four inches taller than Luna. 

Neither of them moved. 

"What are we doing?" Luna mumbled, overwhelmed by the smell of Allison's shampoo.

Allison tilted Luna's chin up so they were looking each other in the eye. "We're not dancing," she whispered.

They stood there like that forever or at least until Luna heard the bell for second-period ring. 

⏰

"Then what happened?" Five asked, bending forward and putting his palms down on the cool grass. He could feel the stretch of his muscles through the backs of his legs. 

Luna bent down and grabbed the toes of her black sneakers. "Then I was late for art," she replied coyly.

Five thought maybe Luna was blushing but it might have been the sun. "Well," he said, hopping up and down on the balls of his feet, "I don't know if that's like, the most romantic thing I've ever heard… or the weirdest ."

"Shut up!" Luna cried.

"Not dancing?" Five giggled. His sister was so smitten!

"Stop it!" Luna said. "It was very… sweet." 

"I may not have known you long," Five said with a grin, "but I already know that 'sweet' is not a word my sister would normally use." 

"Sweet," his sister repeated tenderly. 

Five grabbed Luna's hands playfully. "Well," he said, "you certainly have a reason to CHEER!" He raised both of their arms into the air.

Luna groaned.

Five silenced her with a double clap. "Okay, let's get started!" He paced in front of his sister like a drill sergeant. "What's the most important thing to remember when you cheer?"

Luna thought for a second. "Don't get a wedgie?"

"No," Five said. "Never stop smiling!" 

"Right." Luna frowned.

"Let me see it," Five commanded.

"Do I have to? Luna complained. "No one's even watching."

Five smiled brightly. "Exactly."

 Luna huffed and contorted her mouth into a crooked smile that looked like melting off her face. She raised her eyebrows in defiance.

"I bet you don't know the second  most important thing to remember either." Five paused for dramatic effect. "Never, ever touch another cheerleader's…" 

His sister's black-lined eyes widened expectantly. 

"Poms!"

Luna snorted, her mouth bursting into a huge grin. 

Five shouted, "Hold that smile!" and rushed to show Luna the first cheer. He'd specifically picked one that he thought his sister would like, or at least not totally hate.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust 

Hate to beat you but we must 

When you're up, you're up

 When you're down, you're down

 When you're messing with the Devils 

You're up (clap, clap) side (clap, clap) down! (clap, clap)

Five finished with a big smile and his fists in the air. "Okay," he said, "now you try it!"

His sister skulked into position. 

From the neck up, Luna was even worse than he had feared. She was a total mumbler, her smile kept slipping off and Luna's concentrated face looked angry.

From the neck down though, Five couldn't believe what he saw. Luna hit every hand clap in perfect time, her jumps were high, her splits showed great flexibility and she even threw a backflip that she stuck perfectly. As soon as she finished, Luna shoved her hands into her hoodie pockets and looked at Five expectantly. 

He put on his best poker face and said, "Let's try another one." This time, Five did a much more complicated cheer. The squad at his old school had called the Washer-Dryer because it involved so much tumbling. It ended in three consecutive roundoffs.

Luna did it perfectly on her first try– except that she did four roundoffs. When she finally came to a stop, her back was less than a foot away from the wall of her house. 

"Wow!" said Five.

"Told so," Luna said, returning with a smirk on her face and her arms crossed.

"If we can get your yelling and smiling up to speed, we might Just get away with this," Five admitted, rocking back and forth on his feet.

 "Can't I just lip-synch?" Luna asked, kicking the ground. 

Five wrinkled his nose. "Sorry, but no."

⏰

By the end of the hour, Five had taught Luna four cheers which was one more than he had been planning on. Luna was a seriously quick learner. At the end of their time together, Five put his hands on his sister's shoulders. 

"Tonight, I want you to bury your head in your pillow and yell your head off," Five instructed. "Okay?" 

"I'll do my best." Luna agreed before hugging him goodbye.

Five skirted the side of the house and bounded down the long driveway. He'd promised his mom he'd help make dinner to celebrate the unpacking of the final moving box. 

He felt so much better after seeing Luna. For the last three days, Five had been freaking out about how in the world he was going to train her and be ready for tryouts himself but today's practice had changed all that, with a partner as good as Luna, they'd both be in stellar shape!

He skipped into the cul-de-sac at the end of the driveway. 

"Hello, Five," a familiar voice said coolly and Five skidded to a halt. 

Charlotte Brown was standing in the next driveway, which led up to an incredibly ugly peach bungalow. Five had completely forgotten that she and Luna were next-door neighbors.

"Hi Charlotte," Five said tentatively, gripping the strap of his cheer bag.

"Did you have fun at Luther's house?" Charlotte asked.

Good thing we didn't practice in the front yard, Five thought. "Yeah, I had a lot of fun with Luna ," he said, emphasizing his sister's name as if that would make Charlotte respect it.

Charlotte sighed and shook her head. "I don't get you, Five," she said in an infuriatingly condescending tone. "You're a good cheerleader. You could really have a future with us. But-" she shrugged "-if you want to be a gravedigger, that's your choice." 

She turned and started trotting away up the driveway. "Just don't expect any real girls to be in your cult!" Charlotte called over her shoulder. 

It took all of Five's restraint to walk away instead of throwing one of the rocks lining the driveway through the bungalow's bay windows.

As he headed home, Five marveled at how much had changed since he'd first met Charlotte last week. I can't believe I actually thought Charlotte Brown would be my new best friend, Five thought. Gross!

Chapter Text

"What about a big box of props for the photographs, so that people can pretend to stake each other?" Diego asked eagerly as he added a chocolate brownie to his lunch tray. 

Luna tried to look interested but her best friend was driving her seriously batty. Lately all Diego wanted to talk about was the All Hallows' Ball, a topic that Luna was more than a little tired of. Half tuning her friend out, Luna scanned the cafeteria for a place to sit. Klaus and Ben were both studying for a test in the library, so Luna knew she had to do something to avoid an entire lunch debating colour schemes and napkin folds. 

She spotted Five sitting in the corner with Viktor Herasymenko, who Luna and Diego both knew because he occasionally wrote for the school paper. "Let's sit over there," Luna suggested. At least with them Diego would have to shut up about the ball.

"With the bunnies?" Diego asked skeptically. 

"Why not?" Luna answered. "You always like Viktor's book and music reviews." 

Diego shrugged and they made their way over. 

"Hey," Luna said with an innocent nod toward Five. "Can we sit here?" 

"Totally," Five said. 

Viktor looked right past Luna. "Oh, hey Diego."

Diego's eye flicked to the floor. "Hi."

As Diego and Luna sat down, Viktor said, "Your last photo essay in the paper was really great, Diego." 

Diego laughed awkwardly. "Thanks," he replied appreciatively. "Speaking of the paper, I read that book you reviewed last week. You know, the one you gave four devils out of five, The Vortex Effect? You were right, it sucks."

 "Doesn't it?" Viktor gushed. 

"So you guys know each other through the newspaper?" Five prompted, looking between them.

"Children's cancer ward, actually." Viktor supplied helpfully. "We shared a room in the hospital for-what? two and a half years?"

Diego shrugged. "Something like that. Viktor cuts a slim figure in a hospital gown," he teased, getting an eye roll from Luna and a snort from Viktor.

"Where's your food?" Five asked Luna, gesturing at her half-empty tray. 

"They ran out of burgers," Luna explained, rolling her eyes. "What kind of school cafeteria runs out of burgers?" 

"We should riot," joked Diego and everyone laughed.

"Want some of my perogies?" Viktor offered. "My moms made them and they're amazing."

Luna peered into Viktor's lunch box. His perogies did smell amazing and she was dying for something with meat in it, "Okay," she said gratefully. "If you think you have enough."

Viktor scooped a few perogies onto a napkin and passed it to Luna. 

"Thanks," she said. Luna stabbed a pierogi with her fork and popped it into her mouth. The second she started chewing, Luna's mouth felt like it was on fire. She gagged, eyes filling with tears, and swallowed to try and stop the pain. 

Oh shit! thought Luna in a blind panic. That was the gravest thing I could have possibly done! 

"Luna?" Diego asked, sounding unbearably loud. "Luna?"

Luna's stomach turned and she felt ice-cold. She tried to respond but gagged instead, sounding like a cat with a hairball caught in its throat. Big black and blue spots started clouding her vision. 

"Luna?" Five asked, leaning across the table. "Are you okay?" 

Luna couldn't answer.

"She's turning red," Viktor said in a far away voice. "Luna? Are you okay?" 

She blinked. Her head was killing her. 

Diego grabbed Luna's hand and turned to Viktor. "Did that have garlic in it?" he demanded urgently.

"I, uh, I don't know," Viktor stammered. "Maybe?"

Diego stood up. "We have to go." 

Luna felt her friend pull her into Something resembling the bridal carry. The last thing she heard as Diego half carried, half dragged her out of the cafeteria was Five's voice calling, "Is she okay?" from a million miles away.

⏰

"Do you think she's okay?" Five repeated as Luna and Diego disappeared out the cafeteria doors. 

"I don't know what happened," Viktor said, shaking his head guiltily. "Luna must be allergic to garlic." 

"She looked so ill!" Five remarked.

"She's in good hands though," Viktor reassured him. "When I had a seizure a few years ago, Diego was super helpful." 

"Yeah." Five wrung his hands. "I just hope Luna's alright."

After lunch and through the rest of the day, Five watched for his sister in the hallways but she was nowhere to be found. Diego wasn't anywhere to be seen either.

Five really started to worry when Luna didn't show up for final period. He remembered how a girl at his old school had to be taken away in an ambulance after accidentally eating a peanut. All through science, Five had to fight the urge to rush out of class. He kept staring at the door.

"Fivany?" Mr. Strain was pointing at him with a piece of chalk. "What type of energy is used during photosynthesis?"

"Er... chlorophyll?" Five suggested. 

The entire class laughed. 

It was the longest science class of his life. When the bell finally rang, Five had already packed up his things and punched Luna's phone number into his new cell phone. 

He was the first one out the door, hitting the CALL button the second he crossed the threshold. It rang once. Twice. Three times. Four times. 

"Hello?" Luna's sickly voice answered.

"Hey!" Five cried. "Are you okay?" 

"Hi, Five, his sister said weakly. "I'm okay. I just had a... Seriously grave-" she coughed and sniffled "-allergic reaction... to the garlic... in Viktor's food." 

"You sound like hell," Five told her, leaning against a locker. 

"I feel like hell," Luna said drily, "but I'll be so better in a day... or two."

Five felt tears spring to his eyes. "I was really worried," he squeaked out. 

"Really, I'm okay" Luna reassured him. "I just can't... practice today. I'm sorry." 

"Don't worry about that," Five said quickly. He'd been so worried he'd actually totally forgotten they were supposed to cheer and together that afternoon. "Just get better! Do you need anything?" 

"No," Luna whispered. "Just rest."

"I'll call you later," Five said. 

After he'd hung up, Five spotted Viktor by his locker and went over to give him the update. "Luna's okay," Five said. "She went home."

"What happened?" Viktor asked, steering his wheelchair so he was facing Five. 

"She's allergic to garlic," he explained. "She needs some time to recover, but she says it's really no big deal." 

"Yikes," Viktor said sympathetically. hooking his backpack onto his wheelchair. "I'm glad she's going to be okay." Then he looked up at Five. "Are you doing anything after school today?"

"I did have plans," Five replied, "but they got canceled."

"Want to go to a book signing at the mall?" Viktor asked, putting his wheelchair in reverse and pulling away from his locker. "It's this guy who's like, a minor deity in the sci-fi world." 

Five thought about it for half a second before saying, "Sure." He grinned. "I'd love too."

🚀

On Thursday afternoon, Luna stretched in her backyard and waited for Five to arrive. While she still felt shitty after the garlic incident, Luna was seriously ready to reenter the land of the living after spending two days in bed, being obsessively cared for by her father. 

Luna sat down and leaned over her outstretched legs to touch her toes. It had rained the night before and the still-damp grass was starting to soak through her black shorts, so Luna scrambled to her feet again. 

As he did so, her brother bounded around the corner of the house with an excited, "Hello!"

Luna smiled and they hugged tightly. 

"You have one bite of garlic and you're out of commission?" Five poked her in playful disbelief. "That's insane!" 

Luna stepped back and shrugged awkwardly. "I had too much garlic as a baby," she mumbled. "It doesn't agree with me." 

"That's weird" Five said, frowning dightly. "Especially since we had the same parents until we were one. And I love garlic."

Can he tell I'm lying? Luna wondered. 

Fortunately her brother didn't say anything more about it. Instead, Five did a double clap and said, "Okay, on Monday you made it clear you can cheer. But your shouting looked more like pouting!" 

"Are you rhyming on purpose?" Luna asked. 

"Yes!" Five replied enthusiastically. "So let's see if you can sell the yell!" 

Luna rolled her eyes. Then stood up straight, turned up the corners of her mouth and launched into the "Ashes to Ashes" cheer. During the past two days in bed, she'd come up with a trick to help her smile: Luna imagined the four Beasts standing in a graveyard, wearing pink underwear that said I'M WITH STUPID on them. It worked like a charm. 

"Go Luna!" Five cheered as Luna finished. "That was much better! You even smiled!"

"Thanks," Luna responded, slightly embarrassed.

Five squeezed her shoulder and said, "want to work on round off combinations for a new cheer?"

"Okay," said Luna. She took a few steps back to give Five space.

He took a few running steps and performed three round offs in quick succession. When Five finished, he stuck his landing perfectly and straightened up with a huge smile. 

Deciding to go one better, once she finished her own roundoffs, Luna pushed off the ground into a double handspring. But Luna's hands slipped on the wet grass and instead of landing her handspring, she was falling wildly towards a clump of rose bushes. 

Luna crashed through the thorn branches, landing hard on her knees. "Owww!"

Five came running. "Luna!" 

"I'm okay," Luna called, feeling like an utter loser as she crawled out of the bushes. She stood up and brushed the leaves and petals off her shorts, grimacing at the rosebush she had crushed. "God, my dad's gonna be pissed."

"You're hurt!" Five exclaimed. 

Luna looked down and saw several scratches on her left thigh, covered in blood. She had been careless. Usually she would've checked to make sure that there were no obvious injuries before emerging but it was too late. Instinctively, she covered the scratches so her brother wouldn't see.

Before Luna knew it, Five was crouching on the ground and trying to move her hand away. 

"Let me look," Five said reassuringly. "I took a first aid course last summer." 

Five pried Luna's fingers away and gingerly dabbed at her leg with a wet wipe from his travel pack.

The blood came away but– just as Luna knew they would be - the scratches were gone! 

"You were bleeding," Five said, frantically checking Luna's leg, looking for the scratches. "You were bleeding," he repeated, confused. 

Luna stared at the ground, desperately wondering what she could say.

Five shook his head, frowning. "Does your leg hurt?" he asked.

"No, it's fine. I, uh…" Luna stammered. How was she going to explain this?

"You're not cut somewhere else, are you?" Five asked, standing up to check Luna's arms. "This is so weird," he muttered, clutching the bloody wet-wipe in his hands. 

Luna could feel her brother trying to catch her eye. 

"Luna?" Five asked, his voice brimming with confusion. "What just happened? Did you– Luna, did you heal?"

I should tell Five the truth, Luna thought. I don't want to lie to him. He's my twin brother. 

"Luna, say something!" Five demanded in exasperation. Luna could hear his heartbeat quickening. 

I have to tell him, Luna decided. "Five," she said slowly, meeting her brother's gaze, "I have to tell you a secret."

"Okay," Five answered cautiously. 

"It's serious," Luna told him as she took his hand. "I need you to promise you won't tell anyone."

Five's eyes searched Luna's face. "What is it?"

"It's the most important secret you'll ever know," Luna said simply.

Five took a deep breath and squeezed Luna's hand. "I swear on our family," he said at last. 

Luna pulled Five into the shade of the house. Then she slowly lifted her hands up to her eyes and carefully popped out her contact lenses, one after the other.

Five put his hand to his mouth. "Your eyes are purple!"

"They're violet," corrected Luna. She tried to smile. "Five," Luna said, "I'm a vampire." 

Five put his hands on his hips. "You are not."

Luna nodded solemnly in response. 

"You're a vampire?" Five asked, bewildered. "For real?"

"And Diego's a vampire," Luna went on, "And dad and Allison and everyone else in my community: they're all vampires too. We have to wear contact lenses to protect our eyes from the sun." 

"Yeah, right," Five said. "Like I'm gonna believe that vampires have purple eyes!"

"Most don't," Luna admitted matter-of-factly, putting her contacts back in. "My eyes are special. Bright yellow, neon green- those are more normal. My father has red eyes." 

"Normal," Five said dumbly.

"Uh-huh," Luna confirmed. 

"That's not in the Count Vira books," Five said doubtfully. 

"Count Vira isn't real," Luna replied. "I am. We all have to wear special sunscreen," she went on. "Vampire skin is super sensitive to the sun and heat. It's completely different than yours."

Five snapped his fingers and pointed at Luna. "Vampires are super pale– Diego and Allison. And you said your dad whitens his skin!"

Luna gave him the most exasperated look she could. "Our skin is colder toned and usually lighter but I promise you, there are vampires of colour. Vampires can be Black," she explained. "We're still people."

"How did your leg stop bleeding?" Five asked, staring at Luna's skin.

"We heal super quickly," Luna said. 

Five quickly took several steps back. "You're going to suck my blood, are you?" 

Luna rolled her eyes. "Five, I'm your sister," she said. "Do you think I'd be practicing cheerleading with you if I wanted to eat you?"

Her brother took a few steps back towards Luna and examined her closely. "But isn't that what vampires do? Kill people and drink their blood?" 

"We don't kill people. Ever," Luna said seriously. "Killing is evil! And besides, this risk of exposing our kind is too great. We haven't sucked blood since the end of the seventeenth century, when they burned half of us at the stake."

"So how do you satisfy your insatiable thirst for hemoglobin?" Five pressed. 

"My insatiable thirst for hemoglobin!?" Luna repeated incredulously. "You have to start reading better books, Five. I go to BloodMart like everyone else. There's one in the basement of FoodMart."

Five nodded thoughtfully. Then his lit eyes lit up. "You have a reflection- you can't be a vampire!" he declared triumphantly.

Luna raised her eyebrows. "That's a myth." 

"Oh," said Five, deflated. "Do you sleep in a coffin?"

"Yes." Luna almost blushed. "That myth happens to be true." 

"But I saw your bed," Five said.

"The mattress folds up, there's a coffin underneath," Luna explained. "When I was little I was utterly jealous of Klaus and Ben's bunk bed coffins," she added wistfully. 

"Can you turn into a bat?" Five asked curiously. "Or fly?"

"No," Luna said, "and not yet, I'm still too young." She smiled. "You want to see something cool that I can do?"

"Sure," Five said, so Luna bent down and put her arms under Five and lifted him up bridal style. Then, with no effort, shifted her hold so she was lifting Five with one arm. 

"Holy shit," Five exclaimed as Luna set him back down. "That's so Twilight! Oh my God-" he narrowed his eyes "-can you read minds?" 

Luna shook her head. "No, but we do have individual special powers. Like I'm super strong, as you saw, and Diego doesn't need to breathe. Oh, and my dad's an insanely good crawler."

"Crawler?" Five asked incredulously.

"Crawling up walls and ceilings," Luna answered

"Fucking hell," Five mumbled. "And you getting sick from Viktor's food?" 

"Was a bit more than an allergic reaction," Luna admitted. 

"This is real," Five squeaked out. 

"Completely," she confirmed. 

For a moment, Five said nothing. Then he smiled weakly. "I am so glad I didn't have any cherry punch at the ball meeting."

Luna couldn't help laughing. "Pretty killer secret, huh?"

"Totally," Five croaked. 

Luna touched her brother's arm. "Five, by telling you this, I've broken the First Law of the Night. A vampire can never reveal their true self to an outsider. I could get into serious trouble if anybody finds out I told you" - Luna paused- "and you could too." 

Five nodded firmly. "I won't tell," he said. Then a weird look crossed his face.

"Are you freaked out?" Luna asked nervously. 

"If you're a vampire, are you like, a hundred years old?" Five asked. 

Luna snorted. "No, Five, we're twins. I was born in '94, just like you."

"Right." Then he frowned. "If we're twins," Five said slowly, "does that mean I'm a vampire?" 

Luna had been asking herself that question for a week. She shook her head. "There's no way, Five. You love garlic, you have a tan, you have normal baby blue ken doll eyes and you're a vegetarian! Five, you have a parents' note so you don't have to dissect anything in science– you're the least vampy person on Earth."

"But you're sure we're still twins, right?" Five asked, scrunching his nose the same way Luna did.

"Absolutely," Luna confirmed, resisting the urge to him a huge hug. "I won't pretend to understand it but I know I'm a vampire and you're a bunny. We just happen to also be identical twins."

"So that's what a bunny is," Five. murmured distractedly. 

This is a lot for Five to take in all at once, Luna realized. "Hey, now that you know," she said, "swapping places isn't such a good idea. You shouldn't go to any more ball meetings. I'll do it, you focus on cheering." 

Five shook his head. "No," he said firmly, "I can do it. I promised you." Suddenly. his eyes rested on Luna's mouth. Five bent down a little, still staring at Luna's mouth. 

"Are you looking for fangs?" Luna demanded.

Five smiled sheepishly. "Maybe." 

Luna rolled her eyes. "We get our fangs filed down every few months. And just so you know," she added, "my face never gets gross and bumpy like the "vampires" on Buffy, I don't have an extra set of teeth like vampires do on Supernatural and my skin does not sparkle!" 

Five nodded thoughtfully.

He needs time to get used to this. "I think we're done cheering for the day," Luna declared.

"But we halfheartedly only just started," Five potested.

"It's okay" Luna said. "Really, I'm ready for tomorrow. I have the moves, I can shout, I can even smile. You said it yourself."

Five's eyes flickered uncertainly. 

"Are you sure you still want to go through with this?" Luna asked. 

Her brother grinned. "Are you worried I'll freak out in front of all your friends?" 

"A little," Luna admitted. 

Five looked her in the eye. "Trust me," he said, "I can handle it." He pulled Luna into a huge hug. "You know what they say," Five continued. "Blood is thicker than water." 

Luna resisted the urge to correct him, instead saying, "And better tasting too!"

Chapter Text

In math the next morning, Mr. Langel stood in front of the board, teaching the class how to calculate the area of a rectangle. As he labelled the sides, he started doing an impression of the Count from Sesame Street. "One! Ha ha ha!" he declared, smiling.

But Five couldn't roll his eyes like he usually did at Mr. Langel's sense of humour. Could he be a vampire? he wondered, looking at him suspiciously. Mr. Langel's hairline descended into what Five's mom called a widow's peak, which made him look vaguely vampiric. Five wondered what colour Mr. Langel's eyes really were and imagined him climbing out of a coffin that morning in a pair of silly pajamas.

Then he realized if his goofy math teacher could be a vampire, anyone could! Five turned his attention to a bony Goth girl with three earrings and long straight black hair sitting at a nearby desk. Her hand rested on her notebook, tapping her long clawlike nails on the cover. Now that he thought about it, Five realized that he'd never seen the girl open her mouth. Was it because she hadn't had her fangs filed?

Five could deal with his sister being a vampire because he knew Luna would never do anything to hurt him. It was all the other vampires at Franklin Grove Middle School that Five was suddenly worried about. He quickly counted the number of other students in the class -twenty-one- and spotted Klaus Murphy a few rows in front of him. Twenty possible and one confirmed vampire.

Klaus took a sip from his shiny black water bottle and Five's stomach flipped. 

What about the cheerleaders? he wondered. Nobody said vampires couldn't wear pink. Besides, If anyone had some evil in them, it was Charlotte Brown. Now I'm being ridiculous, Five told himself. No way Charlotte is cool enough to be a vampire!

He looked down at his blank paper and wrote VAMPIRES DO NOT EAT BUNNIES ten times without stopping. It sort of helped except when he was done, he realized he'd missed her to calculate the area of a trapezoid.

By the end of class, Five was seriously freaking out about the ball planning meeting after school. Almost everyone was nice to Luna but what if they discovered he was an imposter? What if they found out that he knew their secret? Luna had said there could be trouble...

Quickly, Five tried to think of some sort of protection he could take with him, just in case. He had a water bottle in his backpack, maybe he could fill that with holy water? But what if that was a myth too? And where the hell would he get holy water, anyway? Would a pencil count as a wooden stake? Five asked himself. He did have a few of those in his backpack. Garlic! he realized. At least he knew that wasn't a myth.

At lunch, Five was hoping for a garlic-infused daily special but no luck. The specials board announced that today it was crab salad and something clicked inside Five's head. I get it! he thought. Vampires are just a different kind of people, just like crabs and lobsters are different kinds of crustaceans! They're pretty much the same thing: one big happy Crustacean family! And from then on, Five felt much better.

He smiled at everybody he saw for the rest of the afternoon, right up to when he beamed at Luna at the beginning of science. 

"How are you?" Luna asked in a low voice. 

"Great!" Five said brightly. "It's like you're a lobster!"

Luna cocked her head in confusion but she didn't press. "Are you still up for the planning meeting this afternoon?" she whispered. 

"For sure," Five said. "I can totally handle the va-" Luna gave him a meaningful look. Five coughed and lowered his voice. "The meeting," he said instead.

At the end of class, Five followed his sister into the science hall boys' bathroom so they could switch.

After they'd traded clothes, Luna grimaced at her reflection. "Now I wish I didn't have a reflection," she said, pulling Five's pink gym shirt away from her chest. Then she opened a tube of mascara so she could do Five's makeup. "Remember what you said about the punch at the last meeting?"

"Yeah?" Five said, staring at the ceiling while Luna applied mascara to his bottom lashes.

"Myth," Luna said simply, uncapping a tube of purple liquid lipstick. "We don't just drink blood and eat, uh, dead animals or whatever. You can eat the crackers or chips or most of the other food."

"Okay," said Five, feeling a little bit less nervous.

"Is there else anything you need to know?" Luna asked, applying Five's lipstick. 

Five's mind instantly flooded with questions. "Uhhh... are all Goths vampires?"

"In Franklin Grove? Not all but a lot," Luna told him, "and not all vampires are Goth either. A lot of the vampires my father knows just dress like normal boring adults." 

"And the other Goths?"

"Bunnies, like you," Luna answered matter of factly. 

"Are you immortal?" Five asked.

"That's a tough one." Luna frowned, her nose scrunching. "Not really but vampires do get really old. I might live to see people live on Mars," she said wistfully. 

"What can kill you?" Five asked innocently. 

"What can kill you?" Luna countered. "Listen, Five, vampires are people too."

Five nodded. "Like you're a lobster and I'm a crab," he said automatically. "But we're both crustaceans."

"No," Luna said. "I didn't say we were seafood, I said we were people with hearts and souls and everything. We like music and art and food and love and family and all the rest. We don't even talk about it among ourselves that much– it's like me being transgender. That's not such an enormous deal, right?"

"Right," Five agreed. Totally. No biggie. "Thanks, Luna." He scrunched his nose. "I guess this vampire thing does take some getting used to."

Luna smiled hugely. "Really?" she squealed. 

⏰

Even though he knew he had nothing to fear, the hair on the back of Five's neck stood on end the moment he and Diego came in sight of the towering FoodMart sign. Diego was excitedly rambling non-stop -Five now realized that was because he never needed to stop and breathe- about the ball as they walked, but Luna's words were the only ones Five could hear: "I go to Blood Mart like everyone else. There's one in the basement of Food Mart."

Five imagined a huge, dim underground crypt filled with enormous vats and IV bags filled with thick, red liquid. Spigots dripped gruesomely and blood-soaked napkins littered the floor. Before he knew it, he and Diego were walking through the store doors and it was too late to flee.

As they walked down aisle nine, questions flooded Five's mind. How much blood would be needed to satisfy every vampire in Franklin Grove? How many vampires were there in Franklin Grove, anyway? Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands?  

He and Diego came upon the same employee who had been stacking cases of juice last week.

Maybe that wasn't cranberry juice he was stocking after all! Five thought. His heart raced. He must be a vampire since he opens the door. What if he can smell my fear? He lifted his collar higher, breathing hard. 

Diego shot him a weird look. "You're breathing like a horse." Then he turned to the stock and said, "Pumpernickel."

The employee silently unlocked the staff door and Five scurried past him, trying to avoid eye contact.

The dark staircase creaked with every step and Five clung to the railing. He thought he heard laughter, then creatures scurrying in the walls, then the sound of liquid running ominously through pipes. Diego stomped down the stairs ahead of him and Five was convinced his footsteps sounded damp.

At last, they reached the narrow hallway at the bottom. Five trailed farther and farther behind, terror making Luna's boots feel even heavier than usual. He passed the first mysterious unmarked door; huge, heavy and made of dark, brushed metal. In the middle of the door was a slot set at eye level so whoever was inside could see who wanted to come inside, like an old Speakeasy. Five was too terrified to think it was cool though. The shutter over the slot was closed but he could hear talking and laughing from a crowd inside.

Blood Mart! Five thought. Where vampires are thirstily drinking BLOOD!! 

He lurched forward, feeling sick. He put his hands on his knees, breathing through his mouth. Luna's fishnets felt like spiders underneath his hands.

"Will you come on?" Diego called from up ahead.

Five thought if he tried to stand up right now, he'd vomit.

Diego's footsteps came closer. "Luna, relax," he said. "I know you're nervous about being head of decorations, but it's just a meeting. Besides, you're already doing a killer job."

Sighing, Diego grabbed Fire's hand and used his vampire strength to drag him to the door at the end of the hall.

The vampires awaited within: Lila with her cold dark eyes, Ben, silent as the grave, Klaus, as gaunt and bony as an ex-lover of Count Vira, and The Beasts looking more beastly than ever.

Melissa, with her officious manner and chunky glasses, offered Five some punch, to which he declined.

"Oatmeal raisin cookie?" Melissa tried instead.

Five shook his head like a zombie. 

Now all the vampires were taking their places around the terrifying stone table and he hurried to join them.

"May the Secret be cloaked in darkness," Melissa intoned solemnly. 

"And never see the light of day," came the response.

Five collapsed into his seat. 

"Okay, people," Melissa began, flipping through her notes. "First item on the agenda is decorations. Luna?"

Five couldn't speak. All the vampires were looking at him with their contact lens-covered eyes.

"Luna?" Melissa repeated.

Diego poked him and Five jumped. Shakily, he reached into Luna's black velvet messenger bag and pulled out a folder with "All Hallows' Ball Decorations" written on it in stickers.

The papers rustled in Five's trembling hands. "Take one and pass them on," he whispered.

Five stumbled through his presentation. He'd organized his ideas into two categories: Big Things, which included stuff like the centrepieces– tombstones, featuring celebrity vampires' names, surrounded by bouquets of white lilies –and Little things, which included rubber spiders, fake bats and so on.

Even through his panic, Five could tell that the committee was pleased, in its own Goth way. Klaus even smiled, looking like a corpse with its skin peeling back from its mouth. Almost against his will, Five started feeling better.

Oh, my God, he thought nervously. I might actually make it through this meeting without losing my mind, throwing up, being bitten by a vampire or driving a stake through anyone's heart!

He'd saved the best for last: a bunch of old vampire movie posters he'd found on eBay.

"These suck!" Klaus declared, flipping through the stack of photocopies Five had made of the posters and everyone nodded. Five smiled in spite of himself.

One of the Beasts whose name Five couldn't remember cleared his throat. "I have an idea," he said, a devilish grin spreading across his face. 

Five's pulse quickened.

He held up a finger with a dirty and broken nail. "A decoration that's cheap and plentiful."

Melissa looked like she was trying not to roll her eyes. "Let's hear it, She deadpanned reluctantly. 

"Something better than posters," the Beast said, leering at Five in a way that made him wish he was wearing more layers. "How about we round up a bunch of dead bunnies from the morgue and line the walls with them?"

The other Beasts burst into laughter.

Five's stomach churned. 

 Melissa seethed. "You guys are disgusting!"

Lila balled up her list of decorations and chucked it at the Beast's head.

Five dry-heaved and covered his mouth. I have to get out of here! he thought desperately and bolted from the room.

Hand still over his mouth, Five raced down the narrow hallway and up the steep staircase. Halfway up the stairs, he tripped and scraped his knee but just scrambled to his feet and kept running. 

He burst through the doors of FoodMart and vomited into the nearest trash can. Breathing hard, Five leaned against the wall, doing everything he could to keep from throwing up a second time.

A few seconds later, the automatic doors opened and Five spun around, ready to fight for his life but it was just Diego. 

"What the hell was that?" He asked, fixing his crooked eye patch. 

Five didn't say anything. He was. breathing too hard. 

Diego shook his head. "You've been acting strange all afternoon. It's one thing for Luna Hargreeves to be out of her element at social functions but- are you crying?" He stepped closer and peered into Five's eyes. 

Five looked away. 

"Are you okay?" Diego asked. What's going on?" 

"Nothing!" Five yelped.

"What is going on?" Diego repeated more forcefully. 

"Everything's totally fine!" Five squeaked hysterically. 

Diego narrowed his eye. 

I just said "totally," thought Five.

"Did you just say totally?" Diego demanded.

Five sank down on the curb. It was obvious that Diego knew something weird was going on. The jig was officially up. "I'm not Luna," Five mumbled, picking at the rip in Luna's fishnets. 

"What?" Diego asked.

"I'm Fivany Abbott," he sniffled. 

Diego grabbed Five's arm and shook him. "What have you done with my best friend?" He demanded anxiously. 

"Nothing!" Five snapped, pulling his arm away. "She's... she's at cheerleading practice."

Diego stared at Five and was speechless for a long moment. Finally, he sat next to Five on the curb and said, "I'm listening."

It took a long time to tell the whole story: discovering they were twins, switching identities, Charlotte Brown, Luna's date with Allison, cheer practice, the ball. When Five started crying, Diego was nice enough to go inside and buy Five some aspirin, a Diet Coke and some tissues.

After getting over his initial shock that Luna had a twin brother, Diego seemed to take the news surprisingly well except that Five left the most awkward part for last.

"And then yesterday," Five said slowly, "Luna told me what kind of person she is." 

"Transgender?" Diego suggested innocently. 

"No, I already knew that. I mean what kind of people you all are." 

Diego looked thoughtful for a second. "Goths?"

"No, the really secret thing," Five said meaningfully. 

"Oh!" Diego's eye widened. "She told you that?"

"Yeah," Five said guiltily, scratching at the dried blood on his knee. "I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. She said we could both get into big trouble." 

"She never should have told you," Diego said firmly.

"She didn't have a choice," Five responded. He shut his eyes and sighed heavily. "This is all my fault." He thought he was going to start crying again but then he felt Diego's hand on his shoulder. 

"Don't worry," Diego said quietly, "I won't tell anyone."

"Really?" Five asked, opening his eyes. 

"Really," Diego said sincerely. "Luna's my best friend."

"And you're not mad?"

"A little," Diego admitted with a shrug. "Luna could have told me she'd found her- fuckin' uh, long-lost twin brother. Man, I feel like I've been missing all the fun. At least this explains why Luna was so good at party planning!" He smirked then peered at Five's face. "You really had me going. I mean, I didn't notice any resemblance between you and Luna at all."

Five smiled. "That spray-on pale stuff does wonders." 

Diego chuckled and got to his feet with a kind of grace that was definitely not human. "Come on," he said, offering a hand to Five.

He took Diego's hand, noting how cold it was and got to his feet. "Where are we going?"

"Cheer practice," Diego replied. "If Luna's hopping around like a bunny, I need to see it!"

Chapter Text

Luna stuck the final move of another cheer, yelled "Fight!" and thrust her arms into the air. She could hear Charlotte panting desperately beside her.

The look on Charlotte's stupid pink face when Ms. Barnett put Luna front and center in the formation -right in the captain's spot- had been truly unforgettable. It was enough to plaster a 150-watt smile on Luna's face for the rest of practice.

"Great job, squad!" shouted Ms. Barnett. 

Luna had been sinking her teeth into every cheer. Five would be so proud, she thought and smiled even brighter.

A few cheerleaders' boyfriends clapped from the stands. Jeff Moore gave Luna a huge smile and a thumbs up. 

"A Little Birdie!" called Ms. Barnett and the cheerleaders launched into another cheer. 

Luna was raising herself from a split when she saw the gym doors open out of the corner of her eye. In walked Five… with Diego.

Questions raced through Luna's mind. Did Diego figure it out? Does anyone else know? Does Dad know? Are we going to have to leave town? What's going to happen with Allison? Is Diego mad?

Luna suddenly realized she should be spinning around. She rushed to catch up with the other cheerleaders when Charlotte Brown crashed into her hard, knocking Luna onto the floor.

"What are you doing?" Charlotte shrieked as the cheer ground to a halt. "You're supposed to be over there! What is your problem?"

"Charlotte!" yelled Ms. Barnett.

The Energizer Bunny shut her trap. 

"If you're going to be on this squad, I expect to see some teamwork!" Ms. Barnett scolded. "You will treat your fellow cheerleaders with respect!"

"Yes, Ms. Barnett," Charlotte said, staring at the floor. 

"And next time, Charlotte," Ms. Barnett added, tapping her clipboard, "you'll try to be more aware of the other cheerleaders."

Charlotte looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her head. "But it was his fault!" she protested, pointing at Luna as she got back to her feet. 

"I am not interested in playing the blame game," Ms. Barnett said coolly. Then she raised her eyebrows and scanned the rest of the squad. "I hope you've all learned something today and not just about handclaps and tumbling. I'll see you at practice next Friday." She gave a double clap, dismissing the squad.

Charlotte elbowed Luna out of her way with a grim look, leaving Luna to make a beeline to the back of the gym. 

Diego scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. "I cannot believe-" he stamped his foot and Luna's heart sank into her stomach "-that all I got to see was half a cheer!" he finished, a grin spreading across his face.

Luna's heart rose back to its regular spot in her chest. 

Diego raised his camera and wiggled it. "At least I got some pictures!" he sang. 

Luna's mouth fell open. "You did not!"

"Oh yes, I did," he replied.

Luna herded Diego and Five out of the gym and down the hall to the bathroom.

"What happened?" Luna asked the moment they were safely inside.

"I'm sorry, Luna!" Five blurted and now that they were close, Luna could see tear tracks through his makeup. 

Diego stepped forward and said, "Five's not the one who should be sorry."

Five looked from Diego to Luna and back again, making an uncomfortable whimpering sound. "I'm gonna- yeah, I'm gonna go," Five mumbled, vanishing into a stall to change. 

Diego's teasing, smirk was gone. "Luna, what the hell?" he asked, shaking his head. His bottom lip started trembling so he frowned to keep it still. "Why didn't you tell me about Five?" 

"I didn't know how," Luna whispered. 

"I'm your, your best friend," Diego snapped, his eye filling with tears. "Did- did you think I'd be jealous?"

"No," Luna choked out, her voice catching in her throat. "I was just waiting for the right time and then" -her voice trembled- "once I'd told Five everything, I didn't think I'd ever be able to tell anyone about him. Not even you."

Diego rolled his eye. "You're not the only vamp in history to break the First Law, Luna."

"But I bet I'm the only one in Franklin Grove," Luna sniffled, wiping her eyes and smudging her spray-tan. 

Diego sighed and lifted up his eye patch, letting the tears from his right tear duct. "No, you're not." With a shaky breath, he continued, "I told that, uh, bunny girl I thought I was in love with two summers ago."

"Eudora Patch?"

Diego nodded. "She didn't believe me, I think she thought I was crazy. I got dumped the next day." He grinned readily. 

Luna was stunned. "You never told me that!" 

Diego grabbed a handful of paper towels and blew his nose. "I guess you and I both had secrets." 

Luna hugged Diego tightly. "Best friend," she whispered in his ear. 

"Best friend," Diego whispered, squeezing her back. 

"Sorry, you two," Five's voice interrupted timidly, "but I'm freezing in here!" His hand sticking out from under the stall door, holding Luna's clothes. 

Luna and Diego both burst out laughing.

After Luna and Five were back to their usual selves, and nobody had tear stairs on their face, Diego said, "Well, seeing Luna smile and bounce like a bunny was pretty much the highlight of middle school for me- maybe even better than when my dad arrested Garrick Stevens. Thanks for making it all possible, Five." 

Five laughed. "You're welcome."

Diego turned to Luna. "How about we give our honorary Goth here a proper tour of Franklin Grove?" 

"Killer idea," Luna agreed.

⏰

As the three of them strolled through the center of town, Luna ticked off all the businesses that were vampire friendly for her brother. "Gool's Auto body, Shredders Convenience, Red Marks Cleaners -they can get blood out of anything-"

"Don't forget the Juice Bar, Diego interrupted. 

"They really mean it when they say "blood" oranges," Luna acknowledged. "Franklin Grove Police Depart-" 

"My Dad's the chief inspector!" Diego cut in again.

"Do you want to do this or should I?" Luna teased. "But yeah, Inspector Lupo's really great. Anyways, there's Tranzil Pharmacy-"

"Wait," Five interrupted. "That can't be one, my mom goes there."

"It's not all black and white, Five," Diego told him. "Lots of stores serve bunny customers up front and then have a vampire place in the back or the basement. Our community is fully integrated– it has been for more than a hundred years. We're your doctors, your lawyers-"

"Your movie stars," Luna added. 

"Who?" Five cried. "Which movie stars?"

"We could tell you," Diego said, grinning mischievously, "but then we'd have to bite you."

Five skipped over a crack in the sidewalk, landing on a leaf with a crunch. "So what can vampires do that other people can't?"

"Ah, let us count the ways," Luna said dramatically. "Superhuman strength."

"Superior agility," Diego said, in an upper-class British accent for some reason. 

"Heightened sense," Luna added. 

Diego flourished his arms, "Classical beauty." He and Luna posed like models. 

Five giggled. Then he focused on Diego. "Luna, uh, she said you don't breathe?" 

Diego grinned. "Oh, yeah. I'm the best on the Franklin Grove Middle swim team," he said proudly. "You swim a lot faster when you don't have to worry about catching your breath."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, Gogo, you're a freak of nature." Then she gestured across the main square. "See that guy sitting on the steps of the post office?" 

Five nodded. "Uh-huh."

"He's been sitting there for nearly one hundred and fifty years."

"You're not serious!" Five exclaimed.

 Diego snorted. "You're right, she's not, but he is super old."

Luna was surprised by how much fun was to initiate her brother into the vampire world. She'd never had a chance to explain all these things before; every vamp her age already knew these things. 

"So," Five started, "what's the deal with the aging thing? Do you live forever or not?"

Diego looked at Luna. "You answer. You're younger." 

"Only by four months," Luna protested. She turned to Five. "Remember how those scratches on my leg healed last week? That's key. We call it RSH, rapid self-healing." 

Five nodded. 

Luna went on. "We grow at the same rate as humans until we reach adulthood-" 

"Mid-twenties," Diego corrected.

"–and then we start aging very very slowly."

"My dad's two hundred twelve years old," Diego declared, swinging around a lamppost like he was in a musical, "and Luna's dad's like, three hundred and something."

Five raised his eyebrows, looking impressed. "Can you die?" he asked.

"RSH eliminates most injuries," Luna explained, "but if the healing process is thwarted- say because someone stakes you down in the sun for hours without sunscreen or-"

"Cancer too," Diego added in an inappropriately bright tone. "Since it's extreme cell multiplication, RSH can't really do shit to cure it."

Luna nodded. "Or if somebody cuts off your head and moves it to a different town. from your body-" 

"Ew!" Diego said.

"Those are all pretty fatal," Luna concluded. 

"Cool!" Five said.

"Depends which town your head's in," Diego joked.  

"So how do I become one?" Five asked brightly.

Luna couldn't tell if he was serious and she paused for a moment before answering. "It's not easy," she said at last, a tinge of genuine disappointment fluttering inside her chest. Ever since she'd met Five, she'd been trying not to think about the fact that one day, her brother would no longer be with her.

"You have to be born one," Diego explained. "That's what makes you two a complete mystery."

"But what happens if a human gets bitten?" Five asked. 

"Doesn't happen," Luna said, "at least, not anymore." 

"Very two centuries ago," Diego chimed in. 

"But if it did?" Five pressed.

"They'd probably die," Luna admitted. "But if not, they'd become one of us." 

"But that doesn't happen," Diego argued. He turned to Five, who quickly tried to hide his intrigued expression. "You know how many trans-vamps have survived the transformation in the last four centuries?"

"How many?" Five asked. 

"Three," Diego deadpanned. "So don't bet on it."

⏰

The FoodMart sign appeared in the distance and Five smiled to himself. He was on his way to meet Diego in the parking lot for the last ball meeting and, over his shoulder, was a black leather duffel bag filled near to bursting with super cool decorations to show the committee.

Five couldn't get over how quickly. the past week had flown by. Between meeting Luna in the afternoons to practice cheering, and trying to stay on top of his school work and his work for the planning committee, Five hadn't had a moment's rest.

He'd told his parents that he was head of decorations for a school dance, which was mostly true at least. His mom got super excited about buying a suit until Five hastily explained that it was exclusively for older students and he wouldn't be attending.

Every evening, Five's mother -who'd been prom queen in high school- spent hours online with Five, finding and ordering ball decorations while being sure to stick to the committee's budget. Then, when Five finally got to bed, he was unable to fall asleep because he was thinking about the whole new world of vampires he had discovered. Count Vira totally paled in comparison.

Diego was waiting outside the FoodMart doors, a pair of sunglasses hiding his eyes despite the setting sun. Composing his face in a smile-free expression, Five linked arms with Diego and together they entered the store. As they made their way down aisle nine, Five asked if he could be the one to say "pumpernickel" today. 

Diego pushed his sunglasses up. "No way," he said seriously. "If an outsider says the password, they burst into flames!"

Five gasped. 

"Just kidding," Diego said, laughing. "Go ahead." 

At the meeting, everyone loved the decorations —especially the bats, which were totally life-like and only cost thirty cents each. 

"Where did you get these?" Klaus asked, turning one over in their pale hand. "It's so real."

"At a website that supplies museums and zoos," Five answered. "Liquidation sale" 

At one point, the Beasts tried to butt in with another one of their grisly ideas but Five stopped them cold with one of Luna's death glares. They didn't say another word.

When he finished showing what he'd brought, the committee burst into applause. Five didn't even know that Goths could spontaneously clap with enthusiasm. He was thrilled.

"Great work, Luna," Melissa said. "I can't wait for next Friday night."

Diego squeezed Five's hand approvingly under the table. 

After the meeting ended, Five and Diego made a quick exit. Five ducked behind the Food Mart and changed into his normal clothes while Diego stood guard; Five only had fifteen minutes to get to the mall for a shopping date with Viktor.

He stuffed Luna's clothes into the duffel bag with all the decorations and handed it to Diego, who said, "You're getting pretty good at this."

"Aren't I?" Five said, double knotting his Oxfords. 

Half an hour later, Five was standing in the sci-fi section of the bookstore with Viktor when his cell phone rang. 

"Hey, Luna!" Five said brightly, answering the phone and stepping into the mall corridor to talk. "What's up? How was practice?" 

"Terrible!" Luna wailed.

Five's heart sank. "What happened?"

"It didn't go anything like last week!" Luna sounded totally distraught. "I was running late," she said, "and by the time I finished making myself pink, I couldn't find your pom-poms! I looked everywhere, Five. Finally, I just had to go to practice without them." 

Five winced. "Oh no." A cheerleader never loses their poms! He thought.

"I might as well have bitten someone," Luna went on. "Ms. Barnett gave me this eternal lecture about commitment and responsibility."

Five shuddered.

"And it just got worse from there," Luna said miserably. "I was so flustered I forgot the words to one of the cheers."

Five closed his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Five," Luna said, sounding on the verge of tears. "Ms. Barnett seemed utterly disappointed. It would have been a complete loss if it weren't for Viktor."

"Viktor?" Five's eyes snapped open and he spun around to look through the bookstore window. There was his friend's wheelchair behind a book display. "I'm at the mall with him right now!" Five whispered. 

"Oh, I wondered what he meant when he said he'd see me at five," Luna responded. 

"What was he doing at practice?" Five asked. 

"Maybe he came to watch you," Luna suggested. "Anyways, he'd seen some poms lying in the hallway and got them for me- I mean you!" 

"Well, I'd better go and thank him!" Five said. 

Right at that moment, Viktor smiled. and waved at him. Five waved back.

"At least that puts an end to my cheerleading career," Luna remarked gloomily. "I'm never doing that again.

"You sure?" Five teased, turning away from the window. "It's not too late for you to try out, you could have your own pons!" 

Luna made a gagging sound. "I'm good, thanks."

Five sighed. "I just hope everything goes okay on Saturday."

"You're going to make the squad, Five," Luna responded confidently. "I know it. Even with me biting at practice. My bet's on you for captain."

"I don't know about that," Five said. "But I'll give it my best–" Five broke off, shocked by what he was seeing: Charlotte Brown in a hideous pink tube top coming his way with Hazel and Cha-cha in tow! 

"Hold on," Five murmured into his phone. "Hi, uh, hi Charlotte."

Charlotte completely ignored Five. "Too bad about Five's poms today," she taunted as if he wasn't standing three feet away from her. "Cha Cha, Hazel, what is the second most important thing to remember in cheer?"

"Never touch another cheerleader's Poms!" Hazel and Cha Cha chorused. 

Charlotte put her hand to her mouth in mock horror. "Oops!" She shrugged. "I guess some rules are made to be broken." Charlotte and her friends tittered idiotically and flounced away.

Five narrowed his eyes as he watched them leave. "Luna," he said into his phone, "I think I know who took my poms."