Chapter Text
The teenager's guttural screams resonated inside the room.
The cut was swift and efficient, but he was in agony. His trembling hand could feel the blood seeping and staining the sheets. Atsushi felt the air brush against his open wound, his hand being both numb and in terrible pain simultaneously. If it wasn’t for the restraints and the hands holding him down, then he would’ve cradled his hand. It was a new sensation: losing a body part. Atsushi’s finger was gone.
It's merely a test.
That fact made Atsushi cry shamefully. It was only one finger yet it felt like his body was on fire. His finger may or may not come back. A throbbing ache coursed through his body as his howling turned into whimpers. Atsushi had long closed his eyes, trying to breathe to no avail. The only mercy he had was that the adrenaline hadn't worn off yet. The thumping of his heart grew louder in his ears. Atsushi didn’t know how much time passed before he felt his finger again…
Oh.
His finger was back—
“So you can regrow limbs,” The headmaster’s voice turned pleased, “Perfect, we can proceed.”
They moved onto his arms and legs: the main course of this whole operation.
Atsushi tried his best to focus on anything other than the pain but failed to do so. He could feel a sharp object cutting, short and steady strokes, into his flesh. He could hear the crunch of his bone, the bone saw succeeding, as blood escaped. He had let out a blood-curdling scream, even louder than when his finger got cut. The incisions felt slower and excruciating; it was torture. Atsushi’s eyes fluttered in lethargy, losing consciousness.
A harsh slap snapped him alert. Atsushi felt his face grabbed by a hand, which he knew was the headmaster's. The blood on the older man’s gloves smeared on Atsushi’s face. He had never hated being touched so much before. Just the idea of anyone physically handling him made Atsushi’s skin itch. The teenager forced himself to look at the headmaster, trying not to faint.
“Don’t sleep now,” The headmaster warned dangerously, “We need you awake so we can continue.”
Atsushi couldn’t say anything, having lost his voice from his screaming. Accepting his silence, the man released his hold of Atsushi’s face, letting the teenager rest and regenerate.
It didn’t take long for his legs to regrow, and for the process to start again. They cut his arms and legs repeatedly until he could no longer feel them. Atsushi had lost count of how many times his limbs were removed. Truthfully, he didn't pay attention to anything; he felt floaty and distant. He could hear them talk over him, but it was all faint and muffled like water clogged his ears. His eyes were unfocused and dazed as his mind was. It was like his brain shut off from the world, having his mind wander.
Atsushi can’t take it anymore.
Why was the headmaster, his so-called accommodating savior, doing this? Atsushi may be a monster, but what about the headmaster? Why make him eat despite knowing it was all cruel? Why let him live? The headmaster went up and beyond to feed a cannibalistic beast. However, Atsushi could easily be put down. His death could end of the headmaster's troubles. Did the headmaster care about him in some twisted way?
Atsushi didn’t know if he liked that.
He wanted to be angry — at something, at someone, at anything — but Atsushi couldn’t. Not with the hollow feeling in his heart. Exhaustion wasn’t new to him, but the emptiness was new — he just felt nothing. Atsushi hated this disheartening and encompassing stillness within him. It was a dreadful and yearning feeling he couldn't get rid of. It was comparable to despair. It seemed that, when Sawako left him, a piece of him left too.
The fact that he ate Mikihiko and Riichi — and, almost Sawako — was a hard pill to swallow. Unintentionally or not, he had played a role in their deaths. Deep down, he believed that the two could defeat fate because Atsushi was attached to them. However, it just made everything worse. Atsushi got to know his meals before eating. That fact changed everything for him.
What about all the other people he ate?
What dreams and ambitions did they have? Were they introverted like Mikihiko or loud and excitable like Riichi? How many children mourned for their fellow orphans? What kind of fear did the beast bring to the orphanage above? These questions plagued him, seeding and sprouting more guilt than ever. There were so many lives and futures he took. It’s a tragedy that everyone ended up as a meal for a monster.
He hadn’t expected to live this long. Being thirteen meant he had spent roughly two years underneath the orphanage building, feasting on poor children. He missed the sunlight against his skin. He missed grass that gently pricked his skin. He missed the breeze that blew his hair. Atsushi missed being outside so much. The time he had spent here slowly chipped away at Atsushi, feeling like he could break at any moment. The weight of his sins was getting too much for him to bear.
Yet, somehow, he continued onward.
Atsushi lived and breathed as if he should.
He had been so compliant with everything that happened; Atsushi had no agency. Atsushi had been debilitated, starved, electrically tortured, heartbroken, and inflicted with invisible wounds. Atsushi did not feel fury or upset from these experiences, just plain confusion and loss. The teenager gave up on trying to understand how he felt. It was too much for him to handle. Everything seemed to contradict each other, and details got muddled. Atsushi didn’t know what was the truth. Who was in the wrong? Who was in the right? What was the point of all of this?
Where was the tiger?
He was surprised that the white tiger didn’t appear yet. It made Atsushi feel… betrayed. There was an underlying frustration and resentment that was building inside Atsushi. It showed up from his torture with Shibusawa, but not for this? It was similar, to being strapped down and tortured for his ability to work. What made this situation different for the tiger to be missing? It could easily tear through the restraints, weighted as it was, and let his torture end. So, why?
Maybe the white tiger hated Atsushi…
Like a snuffed-out flame, the anger left Atsushi, leaving him nothing but exhausted and a pathetic mess. Whatever suffering he endured is insignificant to what he caused for others. It was utterly selfish for him to think he was saveable. Atsushi and the tiger may be interconnected, but they aren't the same. It seemed that the tiger didn’t think he was worth saving. Atsushi’s heart ached at the thought. Truthfully, his hatred for the tiger never existed.
Atsushi just hated himself.
Atsushi could picture meeting the tiger, the elusive animal standing in front of him. Her pristine white and black fur with her gleaming eyes like his own.
It was just him and the tiger.
The creature sauntered over, posture intimidating, like a predator eyeing its prey. But, for the first time, the young teen didn’t fear her. Once she got closer, Atsushi reached for the animal, gently caressing her head. The shaking teen leaned on the tiger, hugging her like she was his only support. Strange how Atsushi wanted to have comfort from the very creature that caused him pain. Atsushi let tears flow down, unable to carry himself any longer. He didn’t care if he was being delusional, he just wanted a moment of peace — just anything.
Something inside Atsushi cracked.
“Just eat me already. Please.”
The tiger had enough of this.
(Byakko only did what was best for the child — her cub.
Atsushi was frail and timid; he was the definition of helplessness. He was everything that a tiger wasn’t. But, Byakko refused to let its little tiger die.
It started so simple: Atsushi was starving and desperately needed to eat.
The first night Byakko gained her own body, the tiger went to search for food. It had escaped the orphanage and lingered around the edges of the woods to find prey. However, Byakko only found a single rabbit. Still, she had to be grateful. She devoured the small mammal until there was nothing left. Byakko knows that the child wouldn’t be able to eat it as a feeble human. It would need to be cooked, but as a tiger, none of those things needed to apply. Anything the animal ate would also fill Atsushi’s stomach.
Soon enough, the tiger was forced to find an alternative:
Humans.
The hunts became routine, picking off a child one by one. Byakko chose children she knew no one cared about much. Atsushi, hungry but never starving, was completely ignorant to her actions. Byakko did not have the same mentality or morals the humans had. Cannibalism — on a technicality through her — was simply the most practical choice. To the tiger, humans were a food source too. Not the most favorable food, but it was food nonetheless. Anything is better than dying pitifully, and Byakko will not let Atsushi die.
However, her hunts didn’t go unnoticed.
Atsushi, clueless and naive, got locked up for Byakko’s initiative. And, it greatly angered her. Byakko held no love for these humans who abused and bullied her cub. She growled every time a rough hand touched Atsushi; she wanted to claw out every ill-natured adult nearby; she held herself back each time an orphan blamed Atsushi. Byakko could easily kill everyone in the orphanage as retribution…
Nonetheless, much like Atsushi, the tiger knew nothing about the world beyond the orphanage.
The outside world was too much of a risk for the tiger. If the orphanage was their whole world, Byakko would do everything in her power for it to be livable. Byakko would put her strength into healing Atsushi, curing him of any blemishes or wounds. In any situation that needed it, Byakko would help Atsushi be more attuned to his senses, especially toward danger. The tiger and the child were intertwined; the same, but not quite.
Atsushi can live without the white tiger, but Byakko cannot live without her cub.
But then, the headmaster fed Atsushi human flesh.
Byakko made the mistake of not stopping him. Now, she has to face the consequences.
Atsushi was too young for his mind to be broken. Despite what her cub thought, Byakko loved him. The tiger wanted Atsushi to be strong, but it seemed that the tigerling had reached his limit. This world was no longer safe for him. With that, Byakko pulled herself out, damning all rules of moonlight. Byakko wanted Atsushi to survive. She will get Atsushi out of this hell and hope for forgiveness from the child. Even then, Byakko can’t even forgive herself.
“Just eat me already. Please.”
Never. )
The white tiger fled into the deep forest, trashing everything its way.
A ravished orphanage was left behind.
When Atsushi opened his eyes, a bright blue sky greeted him.
He blinked and stared at the passing clouds. A gentle breeze brushed against his skin, cooling his warm body. Sunlight embraced his pale complexion as it trickled through the tree leaves. The long grass tickled his body as he lay on his back, his clothes picking up the dirt underneath him. To Atsushi’s left, he could hear running water. The liquid splashed against rocks, streaming down a narrow river. Birds chirped, singing a playful melody, above the thirteenth-year-old. It took Atsushi a minute to register everything.
He’s outside.
Atsushi flinched, sitting himself up quickly to assess the area. His eyes widened in bewilderment, where was he? Atsushi couldn’t remember anything before the operation. With a heavy heart, he looked around. The trees didn’t look the same types that surrounded the orphanage building. The nearby flowers and the view of mountains in the distance were unfamiliar. He didn’t recognize his surroundings, and it was nerve-wracking to know that. Atsushi was incredibly far away from the orphanage — completely alone in the middle of the woods.
Atsushi looked down to see himself and froze.
There were splatters of blood on his clothes. The teenager tugged on his dirty shirt and pursed his lips in apprehension. With a shaky hand, Atsushi touched the stains. As it pulled away, the red liquid did not stain his fingers. The blood was slightly old, becoming dried overnight. He gulped, letting his fists fall and dig into the dirt. It felt like he was reliving that time he ate the orphanage worker.
The tiger had come out.
Its emergence was surprising and an enigma. His lack of memories at least made sense now. The tiger must have been let out during the procedure, although not sooner as Atsushi liked it to be. Images of the headmaster and Shibusawa overlapping struck him. Atsushi held his breath as a dreadful idea occurred to him. Did I kill him? He shook his head to get rid of that thought. There was no way. Whatever the large feline precisely did to the headmaster…
Atsushi didn’t know. And, he didn’t know if he wanted to.
Atsushi sighed and looked to the comforting sky, feeling more lost than ever. He gulped, feeling his throat parched, as he stood up. His ill body ached, but it was better than laying on the ground and losing daylight. Atsushi turned over to see a river, deciding to follow the stream to wherever. He doesn’t know where he would go or what he’d do next.
All Atsushi knew was that:
He was free.