Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

After a night spent at Jimin and Jungkook’s apartment with plenty of nesting, cuddles, and comfort, Taehyung feels a lot better than he did when he left the house yesterday. Things are definitely still a mess, but he’s determined to make the best of it while they keep moving forward. There’s no way that Namjoon is going to let Yoongi go on like this much longer now that they got the data from Jin’s contact, and Hobi-hyung has to make a decision on his parents sooner or later.

Taehyung can’t force any of those things to happen faster, but he can still try to bring a little cheer back home with him.

After his late lunch date with Jungkook, he goes shopping. He’s already got a gift for Namjoon-hyung – one of the alpha’s hoodies all freshly scented by Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook. It’s in a sealed plastic bag so that the scent can stay nice and strong while Tae takes care of the rest of his shopping. Flowers are the obvious choice for Jin-hyung, and Taehyung takes his time picking out exactly what he wants in the arrangement, aiming for a mix of pinks and whites that will look nice by their kitchen window.

Hoseok and Yoongi aren’t likely in the mood to receive gifts themselves, so instead Taehyung picks up some stuff to make their eventual crashes more pleasant. He gets some snacks he’s sure Yoongi-hyung will be able to tolerate even though he’s hardly eaten for days, and some drinks with electrolytes to try and get him hydrated again when he finally lets Namjoon-hyung take care of him. Hoseok’s gift is some snacks too. Good chocolate is always a hit with the alpha, and Tae wants to make sure he doesn’t overwhelm his mate with anything too big.

Something small to show he’s thought about them is enough right now.

He makes one last stop on his way home, dropping by their main security office at the front gate to meet with Shownu, Hyungwon, Kihyun, and Minhyuk. Jooheon and Changkyun are both taking a well deserved night off, and Wonho is just starting his shift near the apartment, but they don’t need all of them here for this.

It’s a good chance to go over their internal security review. No strange vehicles or people hanging around the property (which is a good sign for their home security at least), nothing of note at their various businesses around town, and all of their attempts to find current information about the Kangs have turned up nothing useful.

The discussion goes for a couple of hours as they run through checklists of places to look next, as well as their plans for assuring the safety of their employees. Hard to say whether there will even be another attack here in Seoul, but Taehyung doesn’t intend to make it easy on them if they try.

By the time he gets back up to the house, it’s nearly five o’clock.

Thankfully his purchases have held up okay, with Jin’s flowers managing just fine even after a couple of hours in the security office with no sunlight.

~~

The house feels much better than it did yesterday, sending relief washing over Taehyung as he steps inside. He can smell that Namjoon and Jin are home now, and he hears a few soft noises coming from the kitchen before Jin-hyung calls out a greeting.

“Taehyung-ah? Is that you, darling?”

“I’m home,” Tae calls out in response, stepping out of his shoes and making his way toward the kitchen, his shopping bag hanging from one arm while the other cradles the vase holding his flower arrangement. He finds Jin-hyung standing at the kitchen island cutting vegetables for dinner, the beta’s gaze drifting up to him and a smile stretching across his face as he takes in what Taehyung is carrying.

“What a lovely arrangement. You’ve been shopping?”

“Yeah, just a little. Glad you like the flowers, since they’re for you.” Taehyung sets the vase on the counter, taking pleasure in the way Jin’s eyes light up at the gift.

“Thank you, love,” he says, stepping back from his cutting board and picking up the vase, turning it to inspect the flowers from all sides. His smile widens as he takes them over by the window and sets them on the counter where they’ll get plenty of sunlight, then walks over to pull Taehyung into his arms. “They’re beautiful. Thank you very much. May I ask the occasion?”

Taehyung just shrugs, leaning in for a quick kiss. “I feel better, and I wanted to bring everyone else something to help too. Got some snacks for when Hobi-hyung and Yoongi-hyung finally crack, and I was thinking of putting them in a basket together with some bath products and fresh towels. That way when you and Namjoon-hyung talk to them, you’ll have supplies ready and waiting.”

“A wonderful idea. Judging by the brief glimpse I got of Yoongi-yah earlier, a hot bath will definitely do him some good – and Hobi-yah always appreciates them as well.”

“You saw Yoongi-hyung? Was it bad?”

“Not in any way that was unexpected,” Jin says, lips pressing to Taehyung’s scent gland before he pulls back with a little smile on his face. “Regardless, I’m sure that Joon-ah will be heading in to help with that particular issue tomorrow, and your supplies will be a welcome addition.”

“That’s good news at least. Guess I’ll run up and shower quick, then maybe put together my baskets for each of them – oh, and drop off Joonie-hyung’s present too.”

“If I can make a suggestion… You may wish to wait before delivering a gift to Joon-ah.”

That catches Tae’s attention immediately, his eyes narrowing as he looks back at Jin-hyung. “And why is that?”

“Come see me after your shower? I have a proposition for you, but you’ll want the rest of your activities handled first.”

~~

When Taehyung returns freshly showered about twenty minutes later, Jin is still at the kitchen island, a plate of freshly cut vegetables and chicken laid out in front of him as he intently focuses on the cookbook held in his hands. He’s muttering something about chicken stock, but he stops abruptly when he notices Taehyung’s return.

“Feel better now that you’re clean?” Jin asks, setting down the book.

“Yeah. All clean, and I left a couple of baskets just at the base of the stairs. Hobi-hyung’s has the chocolate in it, so it should be easy to tell them apart.” Taehyung steps forward, plucking a piece of sweet pepper off the cutting board and popping it into his mouth. “Now are you gonna tell me what’s up?”

Jin clutches his heart in mock offense. “Thievery in my own home.”

“Bold of you to assume I could help myself.” Taehyung grins, grabbing another piece of pepper. He doesn’t bother trying to hide the playful edge in his voice. Jin-hyung sent him upstairs for a shower and then asked him to come back down, so he’s guessing that things are heading in an intimate sort of direction. “You’re the one putting fresh cut peppers out right in front of me.”

“Ah, yes of course. I’m the one at fault here, clearly.”

“Looks that way from where I’m standing.”

“That’s how it is, huh? I spend years feeding you and this is the thanks I get?”

“Oh, is that what you’re looking for? Some thanks? I can think of a few ways to do that,” Taehyung says, leaning on the counter top and waggling his eyebrows at Jin. “You don’t even have to stop what you’re doing. I bet there’s room for me between you and that counter.”

“I bet there is,” Jin answers, tone a little lower now.

Tae can’t help but smile. “Is that what you called me in here for? Looking for a little stress relief and wanting to put me on my knees, hyung?”

That earns him a laugh, though it’s impossible to miss the little puff of sweet mint that rolls off of Jin-hyung as he considers the offer. “As tantalizing as that thought is, it’s actually not why I asked you to come back down here after your shower.”

“Really? Wait – what’s up then?”

“I received a message from Jeon Junghyun about a job for you.”

Oh hell yes. He’s been waiting ages for this. Now he’ll finally be able to get Jungkook some of his family’s kimchi and give him a taste of home! He can already imagine how his mate’s face is going to light up when he realizes what Taehyung has done for him. It’s going to be the perfect gift.

“Wow, finally,” Taehyung says, feeling himself grin. “You offer half off on world class service and it still takes ages to get a callback.”

“He likely assumes that whatever you want instead will be quite difficult to come by.”

Tae can’t help but laugh at that. “Oh, he is going to be kicking himself for not calling me sooner. Do you have the number?”

“Are you going to tell me what it is that you want so badly from Jeon Junghyun? You were quite secretive about it before.”

After a few moments of consideration, Taehyung decides that he feels comfortable entrusting his reasoning to Jin-hyung. “It’s for Jungkookie. Months ago, he told me that one of the things he misses most about home is his family’s kimchi. You must have noticed how sad he gets any time he eats other kimchi, right?”

“To be entirely honest, I just assumed he wasn’t all that big of a fan,” Jin says with a little laugh. “Your intention is to take half the cost off your going rate in exchange for some kimchi?”

“That’s the plan, but it’s a secret, okay? Jungkookie doesn’t know – and neither does anyone else. I know it sounds kind of silly, but I really think this is going to mean a lot to him. He misses home so much, and he cried the day we talked about this together, telling me about how his whole family gets together to make their kimchi, and how much he misses it.”

“I understand, and I think that’s incredibly sweet of you, darling. That being said, it might be in your best interest to keep your reasoning a secret for the time being,” Jin says, his tone more serious now as he reaches into his pocket and passes Taehyung a little slip of paper with a phone number written on it. “Namjoon-ah isn’t going to like this, and telling him that it’s for kimchi will likely not go over well when he’s already under so much stress. I’m sure he’ll be much more open to the idea later, once Yoongi-yah has been settled.”

It’s not often that Jin suggests dishonesty, which means that poor Namjoon-hyung must really be struggling right now. If it were any other job, Taehyung wouldn’t go. He’d call it off in an instant to be there for his alpha, but he’s been waiting for this for months. Who knows how long it will be before he gets another chance?

“Should I…” Tae trails off, shaking his head. He wants to offer to lie – just tell Namjoon-hyung he’s going to go do something else, but that’s probably not the right thing to do either. What is he supposed to–

“Tell him the truth. This is a job you’ve waited half a year for, and it’s very important to you. He will understand, even if he takes the news rather hard at first.”

Taehyung gives a nod, glad for Jin’s ability to be his moral compass when he needs it.

“Alright. Let me grab a burner phone and figure out the details. Then I’ll talk to Namjoon-hyung.”

~~

[Taehyung to Yoongi]

[Tae]: need a burner please ヾ(•ω•`)o

[Yoongi]: Closet in my office.

[Yoongi]: I’m unlocking the door now. Come alone.

~

Taehyung doesn’t intend to take Yoongi’s trust for granted. The alpha wouldn’t let any of the hyungs inside of his room right now unless his life depended on it, so the fact that he’s going to unlock the door for Tae is definitely a show of trust. Even if they didn’t need him looking through the data from Jin’s friend, Taehyung isn’t sure he’d be able to bring himself to be the one to let Namjoon-hyung into the bedroom.

The understanding that he and Yoongi have is special to him, and he would hate to compromise it even during a time like this.

He doesn’t bother knocking, just lets himself into Yoongi’s office and heads straight for the closet. The smell of sour, burnt cinnamon is everywhere in the room, making his nerves stand on end – but Yoongi-hyung himself is nowhere to be seen. Maybe the bathroom? Does he not even want Taehyung to look at him?

The inside of the closet is a mess of boxed up electronics and various cables strewn about, but it doesn’t take long to find the little cardboard box full of cheap phones. He pulls one out at random and shuts the closet door, only to find himself face to face with Yoongi as the alpha steps out from the bathroom.

He doesn’t look great, and that’s being charitable. There are deep bags under his bloodshot eyes, and his hands twitch minutely every few seconds. He definitely hasn’t showered in a few days, hair pulled into a frazzled looking ponytail with about half the strands now falling loose around his pale face, which shines with a thin layer of sweat.

Taehyung’s heart hurts to see his mate like this, but there isn’t much he can do. Trying to reason with Yoongi when he’s on one of these benders is like talking to a brick wall.

“You going on a job a job?” Yoongi asks, his voice coming out raspy and strained.

“Maybe. I’ll tell you about it after you’ve had a nap, hyung.”

“Can’t sleep yet.”

“You really can actually. Just lay down for a couple of hours. The work will still be there when you wake up again.”

Yoongi frowns and glances back at his desk. “I’m close to something. I can feel it.”

“And you’re sure that what you’re feeling has nothing to do with the amount of amphetamines in your system, or the fact that your blood is probably half coffee at this point?” Taehyung asks, staring his mate down, daring him to deny it.

“I know, okay?” Yoongi says, visibly deflating. “I know. I just need to do this.”

Damn it. Tae isn’t trying to hurt his feelings. He lets out a long sigh and then pulls Yoongi into his arms, tilting his head to the side in an obvious invitation.

Yoongi takes it immediately, practically diving forward to bury his face in Tae’s neck, breathing in deeply. His exhale is shaky, but his scent goes a tiny bit less sour at least. As much as Tae wants to call Namjoon or Jin down to fix this, he still knows he isn’t going to. There are things that need to be done, and he has faith in Namjoon’s ability to handle the situation when the time comes.

“I know you need to,” Taehyung mutters, wishing he could do more but knowing that it isn’t his place. “Just hate seeing you hurting, hyung.”

“I’m okay.”

Taehyung pulls back to fix his mate with an unimpressed look. “That’s bullshit, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ll let you do what you need to do.”

“Thank you, Tae,” Yoongi breathes, his twitchy eyes going a little bit wet as he nods.

“Yeah yeah, you’re just lucky I love you. It’s okay. Do what you need to do and then please get some sleep, hyung.”

“Okay, I’ll do my best,” Yoongi says, leaning in for a kiss that Taehyung graciously allows him. “I am really lucky you love me. Love you too, sweetheart.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me until you have had at least eight hours of sleep.”

~~

Once he’s out of Yoongi’s office (with the door locked behind him), he powers on the burner phone and starts making his way upstairs. The phone doesn’t have a lot of battery power, so Tae dips into his room to plug it into a charger and make contact.

[Taehyung to Jeon Junghyun]

[Tae]: heard you have a job for me

[Junghyun]: Half price plus whatever trinket you’re after this time. Is that still the deal?

[Tae]: yes it is

[Junghyun]: So what do you want?

[Tae]: it’s a bit of a weird request but it’s an easy one

[Junghyun]: All of your requests are weird. So far none of them have ever been easy.

[Tae]: your family has their own kimchi recipe right

[Junghyun]: What kind of a question is that?

[Tae]: the kind that saves you billions of won

[Junghyun]: You want kimchi?

[Tae]: specifically a good sized container of your family’s homemade kimchi

[Tae]: nothing store bought. i can taste the difference

[Junghyun]: I’ve never tried to screw you over when you made difficult requests. I’m sure as hell not going to try when all it takes is a trip to my pantry.

[Junghyun]: You want homemade kimchi, then that’s what you’ll get. My grandma makes it, so you know it’s legit.

[Tae]: perfect

[Tae]: job details in a dead drop?

[Junghyun]: I’ll have them dropped tomorrow morning. 9:00. Payment upon confirmation of a completed job.

[Tae]: understood

~

Junghyun sends the coordinates for the drop and Taehyung writes them down. The burner phone will need to be disposed of, but first he needs to go and talk to Namjoon.

He knows he’s probably in for a fight.

Namjoon’s pack alpha instincts have been in overdrive ever since they got back from Busan. Between the stress of the actual event, the way Hoseok has only gotten worse since, and how far Yoongi has fallen, it only makes sense that their alpha would be struggling. It also doesn’t help that Jimin and Jungkook have been extra busy with work and school over the last week or so, meaning they haven’t had the seven of them together in far too long.

Basically, things are messy – but their pack has been through messy before, and they always come out stronger on the other side of it. Taehyung is sure that this will be the same, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.

And neither will this conversation.

He heads straight for Namjoon-hyung’s office and brings the little bag with his present inside, though the scented hoodie will likely be more of a peace offering than a gift by the time this is over.

Namjoon is on the phone when Taehyung quietly lets himself in, setting down his bag by the door for the time being. The alpha is standing in front of one of his windows, talking evenly about pickup dates and shipping prices, his slightly burnt sandalwood scent filling nearly the entire room.

When Taehyung shuts the door behind him, Namjoon finally turns to look at him, his face lighting up immediately and his speech speeding up. “Yes, Thursday will be perfect. Just let us know if you get hung up in customs. Send me a message if you have any questions? Great, thank you.” Namjoon is quick to shove his phone into his pocket, and then eagerly meets Taehyung in the middle of the room with his arms open in invitation. “It’s so good to see you, pup.”

“Good to see you too, hyung,” Tae answers, gladly leaning into the embrace.

“Are you feeling a little better? How was the–” Namjoon freezes in place as soon as he gets his arms around Taehyung, taking a deep breath through his nose. “You were in Yoongi’s room? You saw him?”

Well, so much for delaying the inevitable. May as well just go for it.

“Yeah. Had to grab a burner phone.”

“You’re…” Namjoon pulls back, his hands on Taehyung’s shoulders as his expression falls. “You’re going to take a job? When? Is it in the city?”

Taehyung takes a deep breath, fighting to keep eye contact even though he desperately wants to look anywhere but Namjoon’s disappointed face. “I’ll get the details in a dead drop tomorrow morning. And the job… It’s in Busan.”

Predictably, this does not go over well. Namjoon’s mouth drops open, a fresh wave of burnt sandalwood rolling off of him so thick it makes Taehyung’s breath catch in his throat. The alpha sputters out a couple of disjointed syllables before managing to say, “You are not going back to Busan right now.”

“I am, but I promise it’s going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to–”

“You already got hurt on your last job.”

“They barely touched me, and the only reason they managed to hit me at all is because I was protecting the hyungs and trying to get information. This is just a normal job for me. Nobody else to look after,” Taehyung reasons, gaze finally faltering as he looks over Namjoon’s shoulder where he doesn’t have to see the mix of anger and panic on his mate’s face.

“Why? Of all the times, why would you take a job in Busan right now?”

“I wouldn’t be going if it wasn’t important. It’s Jeon Junghyun. I’ve been waiting for him to get back to me about a job for months now, and–”

“Jeon… You’re going to go do work for the Jeon family when we have all of this going on? If this is some attempt to meddle in Kook-ah’s–“

“I need you to trust me when I say that I am not meddling in anything. I’ve done work for them plenty of times before. They’re good customers, and if they’re asking for me now, there might even be a chance that it’s related to everything going on! They sent a damn cleanup crew after Jungkookie was kidnapped, so it’s not like they don’t know anything.”

Namjoon turns away with a huff, taking a couple of steps before turning back around with hurt bleeding into his angry expression. “You didn’t even ask. With everything going on here, you just decided you were doing this no matter what?”

“There’s no point in asking if I wasn’t planning to accept a ‘no’. I’m sorry, but I am doing this. I’ve been waiting for this call for months, and I already accepted the job.”

Another nearly choking wave of the alpha’s burnt scent rolls off of him. “Well, call him back and tell him you changed your mind.”

Damn it. This is going terribly.

Taehyung can feel his eyes welling up with tears, his own scent plummeting into distress in the space of a second and filling the air around him. He hates this. Hates knowing that Namjoon is upset with him and that he has to stand his ground even though he knows how much his alpha wants him home right now.

His own voice comes out strained now too, tears rolling down his cheeks as he blinks and whispers, “Hyung, with all due respect, you can’t stop me.”

Everything freezes in an instant. It’s rare for Taehyung to remind his hyungs that they have no way to physically contain him if push comes to shove, and the words seem to hit Namjoon like a bucket of ice water. He’s gone so entirely still it doesn’t even look like he’s breathing–

And then his expression shatters.

Every trace of anger leaves his face, his eyes welling up with tears too as he steps back toward Taehyung with outstretched arms. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m being unreasonable. Things are just… It’s all so bad right now, and the thought of you in danger…”

Taehyung steps forward into Namjoon’s embrace again without hesitation, wrapping his own arms around the alpha in return. “It’s okay, hyung. I know you see me as your omega first, and I love that about you, but right now I need you to remember that I am not made of glass.”

“I know you aren’t. I do. It’s just…”

“I understand – I promise. Things have been really stressful lately for all of us, but especially for you. We haven’t had the seven of us together in a while, Hobi-hyung is still shutting us out, and Yoongi-hyung has gone off the deep end really bad for the first time in over a year. That’s a lot to handle all at once.”

“And now you’re going to leave,” Namjoon whispers, his face buried in Taehyung’s neck.

“I’m going to leave for one night, maybe two at worst. I’m coming back, hyung.”

It’s not surprising when Tae feels something wet on his shoulder as the first of Namjoon’s tears soak through the fabric of his shirt. His alpha doesn’t cry in front of him often, but considering everything happening at the moment, it’s no wonder that he’s finally tipping over the edge.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon whispers, clutching Taehyung tighter to him.

“It’s okay, you can cry. Everything is gonna be okay.”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“I knew this was going to be hard for you right now and if I hadn’t been waiting for this call for months, I wouldn’t go. Sorry it had to be now,” Tae says, pressing gentle kisses over Namjoon’s scent gland in an attempt to soothe him. “Wanna cuddle? I don’t have to go until early tomorrow morning, so we can spend the whole night together if you want – and I brought something that might help.”

Namjoon nods against Taehyung’s shoulder, still squeezing him tight. “Nest?”

“Yeah, alpha. We can go to the nest.”

It takes a while for them to actually get to Taehyung’s room, though that’s mostly just because Namjoon refuses to be parted from him for even a moment. Tae isn’t complaining though. It feels nice to have his alpha so close, and even better to be able to comfort one of his mates.

He grabs his little gift bag on their way, waiting until he has Namjoon in the nest with him before he pulls out the sealed plastic bag and passes it to the alpha. “Here. I considered buying you flowers like I did for Jin-hyung, but I thought you might like this better.”

Namjoon isn’t crying anymore, but there are still wet tear tracks on his face as he opens up the bag and pulls out the hoodie. The scent coming off of it is strong, and it pulls one of those little satisfied growls from deep in the alpha’s chest as he brings the hoodie up to his nose and inhales slowly. The scent of sandalwood gets stronger, finally closer to Namjoon’s baseline – and mixing so well with the smell of their mates.

“Put it on?” Namjoon requests, passing the bundle of fabric over to Taehyung.

“Sure. I’ll wear it for you.”

As soon as Tae tugs the hoodie over his head, Namjoon is on him – practically tackling him for cuddles and tugging him close enough that their bodies are flush. It feels good, and Taehyung eagerly tangles their legs together, tipping his head to offer up his throat, which Namjoon gladly takes the opportunity to suck a bruise into.

Tae might need to text Jin-hyung to see if they can eat in the nest when the time comes, but for now he’s perfectly content to let his alpha fuss.

*******

Hoseok pushes aside another half finished meal with a sigh. Jin’s cooking is as delicious as always, but the pain meds for his shoulder are definitely ruining his appetite whenever he decides to take them. At least eating in his room means nobody is watching him struggle to finish, or seeing the way his hands tremble as he raises a spoonful of soup to his mouth.

He hates this.

It’s bad enough that everything has gone so wrong, but he also knows that he’s running out of time to keep avoiding it. His parents' messages are getting more frantic, and the look in Jin’s eye when he dropped off the plate of food now sitting half finished on Hoseok’s nightstand was definitely one of curiosity – like he was looking for an opening to talk.

The hardest part might be that Hoseok wants to talk. He’s tired of holding all of this in, and he’s craving the sort of comfort he sees Jinnie give to the others, the kind that he can never accept for himself when he’s like this.

How could he? There’s nothing he can give back when he’s crumbling to pieces, and the last thing he wants is for Jin to feel obligated to put on a mask of compassion that Hoseok doesn’t deserve. He simultaneously craves the feeling of having Jin’s arms around him and his voice whispering reassurances, while knowing that it will sting to realize it’s just an act put on for his benefit, a performance meant to bring Hoseok back into line with the rest of the pack.

God damn it.

He's going to cry again if he keeps thinking like this, and he’s already cried enough this past couple of weeks. Between all the tears he’s shed alone in his room and the way he sobbed all over Namjoon the night they got back from Busan, he should be all cried out. He’s tried so hard to put a cheerful face back on, but it doesn’t feel like it’s doing anything to help. He should–

His phone beeps with an incoming message.

[Jin to Hobi]

[Jin]: Would it be alright if I’d like to talk?

[Hobi]: o do u need something? :DDD

[Jin]: You’re obviously still not feeling quite yourself and I’m wondering if you would allow me to come spend some time with you?

[Hobi]: idk what ur talking about

[Hobi]: i’m fine hyung :D

[Jin]: I have known you long enough to tell when you are pretending to be okay. You don’t have to hide this from me, Hoseok-ah. I’d like to help you.

[Hobi]: i don’t need any help

[Hobi]: like i said, i’m fine but thanks for ur concern :D

[Hobi]: besides u should probably be with namjoon or taehyung. or maybe yoongi needs you? he hasn’t left his room in days :(

[Jin]: While I find your concern for our mates touching, I am aware of when I’m being redirected.

[Jin]: I’ve given you a considerable amount of time to process this alone, and it does not seem to be helping. If anything, you’re more withdrawn now than you were when you first returned home. Yoongi-yah is not the only one who’s scarcely left his room this week.

[Hobi]: please just leave it alone.

[Jin]: I’m afraid I can’t do that anymore, darling.

~

Fuck.

Hoseok debates running. The hallway is far too risky, but having a first floor bedroom means that his window is definitely an option. He could open it and escape outside, sprint out into the garden and–

Where would that get him?

All it would do is hurt Jin more, and Hoseok has had enough of being a source of pain for his mates. Better off just letting the beta come in and pretend Hoseok is as deserving of care as the rest of their pack, even though the thought of being handled makes him want to cry and bare his teeth.

He couldn’t pretend to be a good son, and he’s doing a piss poor job of pretending to be a good mate too. How is he supposed to put on a placid face and just accept something that would probably do much more good pointed at Yoongi? Or maybe Taehyung? The omega seemed upset yesterday, so maybe he needs to be looked after? And there’s no way Namjoon is doing okay with all of this happening right–

A knock on Hoseok’s bedroom door pulls him out of his thoughts. He doesn’t answer, just sits up on the edge of his bed and does his best to look like he isn’t a goddamn wreck right now.

Jin steps inside a few seconds later, a warm expression on his face as he scans the room, eyes finding the half finished plate of food before finally settling on Hoseok. There’s still a bit of sunlight coming in through the windows. It’s more than enough to light up Jin’s features, the sight of his patient face leaving Hoseok with that same swirling mass of messy feelings growing again, even as he fights to push them down.

Neither of them say a word as Jin gently closes the door behind him.

Hoseok doesn’t want to crack first, but the emotion rises up inside of him before he can even hope to contain it.

“I’m fine,” he snaps, the words coming out far more bitter than he means for them to. He knows it’s out of character, knows that he should be working to maintain control, to try to be the kind of mate his pack needs him to be – but he’s just so tired.

Jin doesn’t even flinch. Normally that kind of response would have him looking disappointed and turning to leave, but instead he’s steadily approaching the bed and still giving Hoseok the same fond smile he usually does, all warmth and honey. Normally having that look aimed at him is a comfort, but now it just stings because he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Jin is only giving it to him because he thinks Hoseok needs it.

“May I sit?” Jin eventually asks, grabbing the wooden chair from Hoseok’s desk and setting it in front of the bed.

Hoseok frowns, shaking his head. “Look, you guys really don’t have to bother with me right now. We’ve got way bigger stuff going on, and you all have better things to do. I’m fine. I don’t need this from all of you.”

“That’s probably good considering that – as you pointed out – Yoongi has scarcely left his room and Namjoon is very busy fussing over Taehyung at the moment. I’m really the only one available, but I’d prefer to be the one here right now either way. I would like to find some way for us to talk, Hoseok-ah,” Jin says, before gesturing to the chair and asking again, “May I sit?”

It looks like they’re doing this then – no matter how badly it’s going to go.

Hoseok lets out a sigh. “Knock yourself out.”

“Thank you.”

Jin takes his time sitting down, crossing one leg over the other and resting his hands on his knee before looking at Hoseok again with that same fond expression. He doesn’t speak further, letting the silence hang in the air.

So this is how it’s going to be then? Not the overwhelming show of care that Hoseok was expecting, but what feels more like… a negotiation? Jin is leveraging silence the same way Hoseok would when he wants a client to keep talking. Leave enough open air and eventually the other person will try to fill it, giving you information you technically didn’t even have to ask for.

Hoseok doesn’t intend to be manipulated so easily.

He breaks eye contact, huffing as he lies down on his bed and turns his back to Jin so he doesn’t have to keep searching for meaning in every movement the beta makes. His shoulder aches with the motion, but the pain mostly subsides once he’s still again.

Jin stays perfectly silent the whole time.

“I know what you’re doing,” Hoseok eventually says, staring out into the unoccupied half of his room.

“What am I doing?” Jin asks, voice perfectly calm.

“You think if you just sit there quietly for long enough that I’ll spill my guts trying to fill the silence. It’s not going to work, so don’t bother.”

“Would you suggest another technique?”

“Why are you here?”

There’s a few seconds of silence, but Hoseok refuses to look back, facing the wall adamantly until Jin finally answers, “Because you’re hurting, Hoseok-ah.” That near perfect calm is slipping from his voice, words coming out with an emotion behind them that Hoseok can’t quite place.

“That’s not new.”

“Not exactly, no – but it is the truth.”

“Then why are you here now? Why are we having this conversation when it’s clear that neither of us want to be here?”

“I’m curious what makes you think I do not wish to be here when I’m the one who initiated this talk, despite your refusal.”

“Don’t do that,” Hoseok mutters.

“What am I doing?”

“Answering my question with an observation instead of just explaining why we’re doing this right now. You’ve been perfectly content to let me figure things out alone up until today – so what changed?” The words are defensive. Hoseok knows that, but he isn’t sure what else to do when he still isn’t ready to talk and doesn’t understand what Jin wants right now.

After a few beats of silence, Jin lets out a long sigh. It sounds sad enough that Hoseok catches himself turning to look back, something instinctive inside of him trying to pull him toward comforting his mate.

He forces himself to stay still. Any comfort he attempted to give at this point would come out wrong anyway, tainted by just how far he’s fallen.

“I’m here right now for a lot of reasons,” Jin says, the tension clear in his voice. “A few days ago, three of my mates came home injured. We were lucky that the physical harm wasn’t as bad as it could have been – but those aren’t the only wounds the three of you returned with.”

There’s no accusation in his tone, but Hoseok feels it anyway and the guilt cracks him open so fast, he should probably be embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, fists clenched as he fights back the tears suddenly welling up in his eyes.

“That wound is perhaps the strangest of all. You seem to have decided that you are somehow solely responsible for what happened in Busan, but I’ve seen no evidence to support that.”

“Careless,” Hoseok bites out, all the same guilt and frustration still swirling inside of him like it had the night they got home. He never really elaborated to Namjoon, but maybe if he tells Jin, the beta will realize Hoseok isn’t worth it and just leave him to lick his wounds alone. “My head wasn’t in it. My gun was on the other side of the suite and all I was thinking about was how I was fucking up our home life, about how sad Jungkookie looked when he reminded me for a third time to let out my scent, or how I was going to talk to my parents. I was so worried about myself that I… It was… I got our mates hurt.”

*******

An image is finally starting to take shape in Seokjin’s mind now. Since talking to Namjoon after the night their mates returned from Busan, he’s known that Hoseok has assumed an unfair amount of the responsibility for what happened – but now he’s beginning to understand why.

And he has to challenge it.

“Taehyung-ah didn’t have his gun either, and Yoongi-yah was the one who opened the door for the attackers, wasn’t he?”

“If I’d been smart, none of that would have mattered.”

“I would argue that things could have been different if the others had been more prepared as well.”

This is what finally makes Hoseok turn around to glare over his injured shoulder, tears visible in his eyes. “It’s not the same. They weren’t– They didn’t– ”

“They weren’t already ‘fucking up’ – as you put it?”

Hoseok’s glare loses some of its heat as he stares somewhere over Jin’s shoulder, chewing on the inside of his lip. “It’s not their job,” he eventually mutters, rolling back over to face the wall.

“I’m not sure I follow. You and Taehyung-ah lead our security team together, so I would think that should translate to a shared responsibility for your safety outside of the home.”

“Not a security issue.”

Seokjin can feel one of his brows trying to raise, but he maintains his neutral expression just in case Hoseok turns around again. This logic isn’t really holding up, though part of him still feels a little wary of pushing the alpha too hard. He has to remind himself that not pushing hasn’t worked. He’s here to try something different, so he may as well commit.

“Tell me what kind of issue it was, if not one of security. The three of you were attacked, darling. That feels like a security issue to me.”

“They weren’t distracted.”

“Would you feel differently if they had been?”

Hoseok lets out a huff of frustration. “There’s no point talking about this. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Now who’s answering a question with an observation?” They’re fighting words, but Seokjin doesn’t care this time. At least if they fight, it means they’re talking.

Anything is better than another day of silence.

It’s enough to have Hoseok fully turning to face him, open mouthed shock turning to a wince as he rolls and puts pressure on his injured shoulder. He’s quick to hide the expression, sitting back up quickly and eyeing Seokjin with suspicion. “What is this supposed to be? An interrogation? An attempt to pick a fight? Why are you here?”

Seokjin does not back down, keeping his expression passive and his hands neatly folded in his lap. “Answer my question and then you can ask whatever you like. Would you feel less responsible if Taehyung or Yoongi had been distracted as well?”

“No. I wouldn’t.”

“Because you’re the only one who is meant to be perfectly focused at all times?”

Hoseok’s mouth opens and closes twice over, eyes narrowing at Seokjin as he sputters, “That’s not– It’s– You don’t understand.”

“I think in this particular case, I do. You hold yourself to impossible standards that you would never impose on someone else, and then feel you’ve let other people down when you don’t meet them. But you haven’t let us down, Hoseok-ah. None of us feel that you are any more at fault than the others for what happened in Busan. Mistakes were made on all sides, but the people to blame in the end are the Kangs – not you.”

There’s a few seconds of complete silence where Hoseok just stares defiantly back at Seokjin, not moving an inch. His face is a mess of unshed tears, frustration, and something like confusion. “I don’t…” he eventually mutters, his gaze dropping down to the floor as he shakes his head. “Is this what you came here to talk about? Want to sit there all maddeningly calm and call me a perfectionist? Tell me I’m wrong to feel the way I do?”

“No. That’s not the point of me being here,” Seokjin answers, unable to keep the frustration from seeping into his voice.

It has Hoseok’s gaze snapping back upward, probably anticipating a fight. “Then tell me why. You said there were more reasons, so out with them already.”

“You want to know why I’m here? Fine. You’ve hardly spoken to me in weeks. You avoid any chance of having to talk with your mates about what’s happening to you, then you hole up in your room and drive yourself in circles about it. Even with a physical injury, you won’t let any of us close enough to help. And I…” Seokjin pauses, taking in a shaky breath and trying to fight back the tears he feels filling his own eyes. He manages to swallow down some of the emotion, but his voice is barely above a whisper when he finishes with, “I can’t take it anymore.”

Hoseok softens at this, the line of tension winding up his body finally easing as he closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I know it hurts you,” he whispers. “I don’t mean for it to, but I know that doesn’t matter.”

“I need you to understand that I’m not here to manipulate you, Hoseok-ah. I know I'm always the last person you want to see when you're in pain, and I've done my best to respect that even though it kills me – but I can't just continue to sit by and ignore this tension between us. We’ve been trying that for years and it hasn’t worked. I just want so badly for you to trust me, to understand that I love you and want to help you more than anything.”

There’s a long stretch of silence before Hoseok answers, speaking just barely loud enough to be heard. “That’s not true.”

“I can assure you that I am telling you the truth. I wouldn’t lie to you about–”

“That’s not what I… I never meant… You’re not the last person I want to see. I do want to. It’s just…”

Seokjin feels a spark of hope, but he does his best to not let it grow too big. He wants so badly for that to be true, but every bit of evidence he has points to the contrary. “I’m sure you can understand why that might be hard to believe. You’ve always seemed to find me particularly abrasive when you’re hurting, no matter how kind I try to be. I accepted some time ago that there must be something wrong with the kind of comfort I give you, and no change I’ve ever tried to make has had a positive effect. Admittedly, I’ve rather lost hope that you’ll ever find me comforting when you need it most – and it’s hard to pretend that doesn’t sting.”

“Oh god, hyung, I…” Hoseok’s voice cracks as he trails off, his expression falling as he looks at Seokjin with wide eyes. “I didn’t know… It’s not like that, I swear.”

“Then what is it like? Because I’m not the only one who’s come to this conclusion. Joon-ah likes to assure me that it’s just going to take time for you to come around, but he doesn’t have another explanation either. I know you and I have made progress. It’s not that I’m not grateful for that, but it’s a far cry from you being able to tolerate me being even remotely close to you when things are difficult.”

Hoseok is crying now, tears running down his cheeks as he blinks back at Seokjin, mouth hanging open for a few moments before he manages to croak out, “I do want you there.”

“May I please come closer?” Seokjin asks. He’s desperate to touch, to offer his mate some sort of comfort even though he knows they’re talking about exactly how unwanted that sort of thing has felt. “It doesn’t have to be a lot, just… Close enough to hold your hand?”

Seokjin gets one short nod in response, and wastes no time scooting his chair a foot or so forward. He’s careful not to move too fast, sitting down and delicately reaching out with both hands for Hoseok. The alpha offers his hand willingly, giving a gentle squeeze to one of Seokjin’s in return.

“Hoseok-ah, I have to ask. If you want me there for you, why do you keep pushing me away?”

“Not just you.”

“No, but it’s the worst with me. You can tolerate the others in short bursts, but when it’s me you just… You shut me out, darling.”

Hoseok shakes his head, eyes on their joined hands as he whispers, “I don’t know. I try not to think about it.”

“Can you please try to think about it right now? I don’t care if it takes a while. I can wait – just please?”

“I… I can try.”

~~

Seokjin does his very best to remain calm and quiet. The fact that they’re finally even talking about this feels like such a huge step, but he wants an answer from Hoseok so desperately that he might not survive if he doesn’t get one. If there’s a flaw that his mate can point out, some sort of change he can make…

There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to try and fix this broken thing between them.

Minutes pass in silence, but Seokjin has waited through days of silence from Hoseok. A few minutes is nothing in comparison to the years he’s spent patiently trying to work around this issue – and he even gets to hold the alpha’s hand through it, to offer some kind of support. He doesn’t know what to do with the fact that after all this time and everything he’s tried, cornering his mate might actually be the strategy that works.

Eventually a sniffle cuts through the silence, and Seokjin decides that he can process that thought later. He puts his attention completely back on Hoseok, who sniffles again and shakes his head.

“Are you alright, darling?” Seokjin asks, giving a tiny squeeze to Hoseok’s hand.

“I don’t… This is messy, hyung.”

“That’s okay. You can start anywhere you like and I’ll help you make sense of it. We can figure it out together. Please?” He’s trying not to sound desperate, but he’s sure that some of the emotion bleeds into his speech. He just can’t come this close and leave with nothing again.

“Don’t wanna hurt you – or make you angry,” Hoseok says, eyes still on their hands.

“I’d like to try anyway. Even if it does hurt a little, that can’t be worse than just continuing on like this. I need something to change, but I can’t do anything if I don’t know what’s happening. While I can’t promise I won’t feel hurt, I can promise that we’ll work through it together either way.”

“What if I don’t know where to start?”

“Let me help? I can ask questions?”

Finally, Hoseok tilts his head back up. There are fresh tears in his eyes, and he’s worrying his bottom lip with his teeth as he searches Seokjin’s face. “You’re sure? You don’t have to do this. Our other mates–”

“Are quite preoccupied at the moment. Taehyung and Namjoon are spending some time together, Jimin is at class, Jungkook is working and Yoongi-yah is looking through some important data for us. Tomorrow, we’re getting into his room to put him to sleep, but right now we need his help. There’s nowhere else I would be of more use right now, and this means more to me than I’m properly able to convey – so please? Let me ask?”

“Okay,” Hoseok says, taking a deep breath. “Ask.”

There are plenty of ways to try and come at this problem, and so many answers that Seokjin wants, but he’s fairly certain that he’s going to have to ease his mate into this a little. He just needs to be careful. Try not to do things that will raise Hoseok’s hackles, even if he’s not sure exactly what kinds of things those even are.

They have to start somewhere.

“I’d like to walk through recent events with you. We don’t have to talk about anything to do with your parents, if you’d–”

“Actually, I… We can talk about it. I’ve made my decision.”

“Is that something you’d like to discuss first?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “I’m going to tell them ‘no’. Let’s leave it at that for now.”

Well, that’s at least some good news. Definitely something to celebrate later.

“Alright,” Seokjin says. “I understand. Can you talk to me about what you were feeling when you returned from your parents’ home?”

“Overwhelmed. I needed to process everything that happened, but I…”

After a few seconds of silence, Seokjin gently prompts, “You…?”

“Wanted to be home. With all of you. I kept thinking about the nest the omegas built the morning of Chuseok, all scented and nice… Wanted to just pile inside with everyone, but I couldn’t. My scent was bad, and I didn’t want to talk. Nothing was right.”

“Were you aware of what you did want? Was there a scenario you would have preferred?”

“Does it matter? It’s not like it would have worked.”

Seokjin can see enough tension forming in his mate’s body for him to change course, so he doesn’t hesitate. “Okay, we don’t have to talk about solutions to that right now. I understand that you needed time to process that first night. Talk to me about what you felt next?”

“Yoongi came to my room. We talked a little, and I told him about what my parents asked me. He couldn’t just leave it alone, but he didn’t say too much once I asked him to stop. I felt… It was good to have him there. I let him fuss a little – feed me, cuddle, that sort of thing.”

“It was my understanding that you find that sort of fussing to be… abrasive?”

Hoseok opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He closes it again a second or two later and swallows audibly, shaking his head a few times. “I don’t want to do this.”

“What don’t you want to do, darling?”

“There’s this thought, and I never really… It’s not something I ever considered all the way through. If I tell you, you’ll hate it, and you’ll try to explain to me why it’s not true but I… I don’t know if I believe it in the first place? But I’m also not sure if I could believe it’s completely untrue? I don’t know. It feels like something I shouldn’t say out loud and I don’t want to do more harm than good.”

“If I can make an observation?”

“Sure.”

“The thought might have far more power inside of you than it would out in the open, and I can do my best to remember that it isn’t necessarily something you believe with your whole heart.”

There’s a few seconds of silence before Hoseok lets out a sigh. “Alright. It’s… You asked me if I find fussing abrasive. The thing is, Yoongi offered not to fuss that night. He said he wanted to, but he was worried about it bothering me – so I was the one who asked for it in the end. Because I wanted him to.”

“Does this thought you’d like to share have something to do with why you find Yoongi-yah’s care to be less upsetting?”

“It’s not just that it’s him. More like… I… Sometimes when I’m upset…” Hoseok trails off, his eyes slipping shut and sending a couple of tears falling down his cheeks.

Seokjin desperately wants to get closer, but he can’t risk pushing too hard right now. He settles for leaning in just a few inches and raising Hoseok’s hand up so he can press a kiss to the alpha’s knuckles. “It’s alright. Take all the time you need.”

“I get… I start thinking about what’s coming, how everyone is going to react and try to do their job as a pack, and I just… I hate the thought that everyone is putting on some big song and dance for me. It’s not that I don’t want to be with my mates. I’d just rather be alone with it than have everyone pretend like I’m…” Hoseok starts to trail off, his voice barely audible as he finishes. “Like I’m the same as the rest of you.”

Everything freezes. Seokjin isn’t even sure he’s breathing. All he can hear is his own heart hammering in his chest and Hoseok’s words on a loop in his mind.

‘Song and dance…’

‘Pretend…’

‘Like I’m the same as the rest of you.’

Hoseok doesn’t think their care is genuine.

*******

As soon as the words leave Hoseok’s mouth, he wishes he could take them back. Jin is looking for answers, but this isn’t the one Hoseok wanted to give.

It’s true – although maybe that’s the wrong way to phrase it. He knows logically that his mates care about him, and he believes that they love him. Their care feels natural and easy to accept when Hoseok is in control of himself and acting like a good mate. It makes sense that he and his pack would exchange care and kindness when he’s being the person he wants to be. That’s what people do in relationships, and he loves being a part of that dynamic.

But when he’s like this? When he’s faltering and unable to be the kind of mate he wants to be?

They all have to know he doesn’t deserve their kindness then. It feels like they’re just giving it to him because they’re expected to.

It’s different with Yoongi, but that’s just because it never really feels like he’s putting on a front. Taehyung’s attention doesn’t feel bad either, but the last thing that Hoseok wants to do when he’s already being a bad mate is to put more stress on their omega. He just wants to get enough distance to figure out his problems, and then return to his pack with them already solved.

Well… Maybe that isn’t exactly what he wants. It’s just what feels the safest. He’s had it drilled into him that wounds are something to be tended to in private, exposed to others only when healing is already underway and they’re no longer a weakness – assuming the wound is ever exposed at all. But that isn’t how being in a relationship works, and he hasn’t figured out how to make peace between those thoughts.

He’s supposed to be opening up. He and Jimin decided to work on that together, but has Hoseok really been holding up his end of that agreement?

Or is that just another way that he’s failed? Why can’t he do anything right? It’s like all he does is–

“Darling, I need you to focus on your breathing for me, please.”

The sound of Jin’s voice rips Hoseok out of his spiraling thoughts and pulls him back into the present moment. There are tears streaming down his face and his heart is pounding in his chest, breaths coming short and shallow as he cries. Trying to focus on his breathing just makes him more aware of how tight his chest feels, and attempting to raise his arm to wipe away his tears hits him with a stab of pain from his injured shoulder.

He can’t quite hold back the cry it draws from him, and that’s enough to have Jin moving.

The beta sits down next to him on the bed, one arm wrapping around Hoseok’s back as he shushes him gently. “It’s alright, love. I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay, but I need you to breathe with me.” Jin takes an exaggerated breath in, letting it out in a long exhale while he rubs circles into Hoseok’s back. “Come on. With me this time, Hobi-yah.”

Hoseok does his best to follow along, matching Jin’s calm, deep breaths with shaking inhales and stuttered exhales of his own. He tries to speak, words coming out high and edged with panic, “M’sorry. Didn’t mean for– You don’t have to–”

“Shh, you don’t have to apologize for panicking, darling. All you have to do is breathe.”

“But I said– I told you–”

“You did say some things we’re going to talk about, but that’s not what we’re doing right now – and none of those things change the fact that I love you. Now, focus on me. Deep breath in – there you go. Now out, nice and slow.”

~~

It takes several minutes for Hoseok’s panic to subside, and Jin is there the entire time, breathing with him and offering little bits of praise and guidance. And the more Hoseok settles, the more it starts to sink in just how nice it feels to have this care given to him, whether he deserves it or not.

“I think…” Hoseok trails off for a moment, taking another breath just to be sure. “I might be okay. Sorry, I’m not sure why that happened.”

“Before we get into that, is this alright?” Jin asks, the arm wrapped around Hoseok’s back giving him a squeeze. “If you’d like me to move, I can.”

It might be because of the panic attack he just had, but the thought of not being near his mate sounds awful. If anything… Hoseok is fairly sure he wants to be closer. It’s like he doesn’t even have the energy left to be paranoid about Jin’s intentions. He’s already admitted the worst possible thing he could have, so there’s not really any other option besides attempting to talk it through – and he needs the comfort of physical closeness if he’s going to try and handle that.

“Wanna move, but… Lay down with me?”

Jin accepts this in an instant, settling down with his head on Hoseok’s pillows and his arms open in offering. It’s a little finicky to get into place (though his shoulder does hurt a little less with each passing day), but they eventually manage. Hoseok is glad for the change in position, eagerly setting his head down on the pillow across from Jin.

He feels exhausted.

“Gonna have to talk or I might pass out,” Hoseok mumbles. “Sorry, I know it’s important.”

“It’s okay. We can talk. I’m just so happy to be here with you right now.”

“M’glad you’re here. Sorry I’ve been such a complete asshole lately.”

“That’s not the word I’d use to describe your behavior, but I do appreciate the apology. That being said, I’d like to talk about what you told me before you panicked. It sounded very much like you think that the concern we show when you’re hurting isn’t genuine – that you think we’re… faking it in some capacity? Is that true?”

It’s impossible to keep from frowning. Hoseok hates the fact that he thinks that way sometimes. It feels… ungrateful, like spitting in the face of all the kindness his mates try to offer him, and having Jin aware of it just makes him feel awful. “I don’t think that way all the time,” he says, hoping that it counts for something.

“I understand. Thank you for clarifying. Can you tell me about when you do?”

“When I’m being a bad mate.”

Jin’s eyes narrow slightly, his head tipping in what looks like confusion. “Hoseok-ah, I’ve never thought you were a bad mate. When do you feel that way?”

“When I’m too busy with my own stuff to act right. When I get too wrapped up in a job, or don’t know how to talk about my problems. I try to make sure nobody has to deal with me when I’m like that, but it hurts you all when I push you away too – so it’s like I can’t do anything right…” Hoseok’s voice is nearly a whisper by the time he finishes speaking, shaking his head and doing his best to hold back even more tears.

“Am I to understand that when you feel like a bad mate, our attempts to comfort you seem… disingenuous?”

Hoseok gives a short little nod.

“Can you explain how that feels? Or why it comes across that way?”

“I… I know I don’t deserve it when I’m like that,” Hoseok admits. He doesn’t want to keep talking, but he’s far too exhausted and burnt out to hold it all inside anymore, so he’ll just have to deal with the consequences of honesty. “I know that, and you guys have to know it too, so it feels… It’s like you’re just doing it because you’re supposed to – because we’re mates – and I don’t want that. I’d rather just sort myself out and come back when it’s better, but I know that isn’t realistic. I just… I get stuck.”

“Talk to me about how ‘stuck’ feels?”

“Different this time, but usually it’s like… I know I get bad when I’m doing stressful work – and the work is always for my parents which means trying to wear the mask of a good son and a master thief all at once. That doesn’t leave a lot of room for being the kind of mate I want to be, and then the stress makes me paranoid. When it gets to that point, I… Everyone trying to push care on me feels like pity at best and manipulation at worst. Part of me wants to leave so you all don’t have to see me like that, but there’s another part of me that aches for my mates so bad that I can’t go, and–” Hoseok cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what to do. So I spiral and make it all worse. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, love,” Jin says, leaning in to press a kiss to Hoseok’s forehead. “I appreciate you taking the time to explain this to me. I’ve been desperate to know what’s happening in your head for years now, and it makes me so happy to finally have something to work with.”

“Might be useless information soon,” Hoseok mumbles, unable to fight back the tears any longer. He sniffles, leaning in to bury his head against Jin’s shoulder. “Won’t be any more hard jobs after my parents disown me.”

“Oh, darling,” Jin coos, the arm wrapped around Hoseok’s back squeezing him just a bit tighter. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how that worry must feel, but I do know that I’ll be incredibly happy we had this talk whether you do stressful work for your parents again or not. I think this runs much deeper than just a symptom of stress, even if that does seem to aggravate it quite intensely.”

“Maybe. I… I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to know right now. You’ve had a very long night with me here forcing this discussion, and I think it’s very clear that we won't be able to wrap this all up with a neat little bow – nor do I want to.”

“You don’t?”

Jin shakes his head, then presses a kiss into Hoseok’s hair. “No. I’d like to keep talking about this once you’ve had a chance to sleep and consider our conversation a little – but only if that’s okay with you. If you want to keep talking tonight, then we will.”

Honestly, sleep sounds like heaven. Hoseok hasn’t slept well in what feels like ages, and having Jin here pressed against him feels so nice that he doesn’t ever want to move. It’s all the comfort he’s been wishing he could have since everything went sideways during Chuseok.

“I’m ready to be done for now.”

“Very well. I would appreciate it if we could tie up just a couple of loose ends first. There are a few things you said that I’d like to address, and a couple things I want to say so that you know some of what I’ll be intending to ask you in future discussions. Is that alright?”

Hoseok nods, tipping his head back enough that he can look up at Jin with what are probably puffy, red eyes after all the crying he’s done.

“Thank you,” Jin says, a warm smile on his face. “First, I’d like to state very plainly that when you’re struggling, trying to meet your own needs, or under too much stress to focus on others, that doesn’t make you a bad mate in any capacity. It sounds to me like you consider being a ‘good mate’ something you can only achieve temporarily through performance, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re a wonderful mate in the very core of your being, and I’ve never doubted your dedication or love for this pack.”

At his core…

That’s part of the problem. Hoseok has no idea what his core self even is.

“I can see that those words might be difficult to process. That’s alright. We can work on it later. For the time being, it leads nicely into something I’d like to discuss in the future. You called being a good son and a good thief ‘masks’, and I’d very much like to hear more about that – and whether you might consider ‘good mate’ to be a mask in the same way.”

“S’gonna be messy.”

“Yes, I would imagine so. I don’t mind though, and I’ll try to take some time to think on it as well before we discuss it next. We’re also going to talk more about what exactly you feel like you don’t deserve, and hopefully begin the slow process of helping you see that there is never anything you have to do to earn care from your mates. I know how complex that can be, and I’m sure you do as well. We’re still working on it with Yoongi-yah even after all these years, and I imagine Jimin-ah will need some help in that department as well.”

Hoseok’s gaze falters, and he mumbles, “Supposed to be getting better together.”

“You and… Jimin-ah? Or–”

“Jiminie, yeah. We agreed to work on opening up more with people, but he’s been doing a better job than I have. It’s… I think I’d like to start trying more too. Even if it’s hard, it can’t be as bad as all of this. I mean – not this part but everything before it. This part is actually… I’m glad you came, hyung.”

Jin’s smile widens. “I’m very glad I came as well. Thank you for giving me the chance to talk some of this through with you. And I’d like to say that I think your commitment to healing with Jimin-ah is a wonderful idea. The two of you clicked so fast. It makes sense that you’d be able to support one another in that way, and the rest of us will be eager to help anywhere you’ll allow.”

“I don’t know how yet, but I appreciate that. I really am sorry for all of the pain it took to get here.”

“I am too. You’ve suffered a great deal, and I can’t help wondering if I could have forced this talk sooner. Still, I’m happy we ended up where we are now. I think I’ve said most of what I wanted to, except to reiterate my intention to work through this with you. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. As long as we’re moving forward together, I can be as patient as you need, darling.”

“Forward together sounds good,”Hoseok answers, letting out a breath. “Scary, but good. I think… I might see if Jiminie has some time to talk tomorrow morning.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea. I believe his perspective might be particularly helpful on some of this, and it gives me a chance to support Joon-ah’s efforts with Yoongi-yah.”

“Will you need help?”

“Perhaps with getting in the door, but we’ll see how the morning plays out.”

“Alright. Moving forward together?” Hoseok asks, feeling a tiny hopeful smile tug at his sleepy face.

“Moving forward together,” Jin agrees, leaning in to give Hoseok a quick kiss. “But for now, we may as well get some sleep.”

“God, I’m so ready for that. Love you, Jinnie-hyung.”

“I love you too, darling.”