Chapter Text
It’s six months before I see Sokka again.
I’m furious as I step off of the ship. My cheeks are hot even as they’re exposed to the cold wind of the south pole. The guards struggle to keep pace with my quick steps toward the center of The Southern Water Tribe. Passersby glared at me with distrust. Peace is fragile.
“Stay out here,” I command my guards as I walk into Chief Hakoda’s office. Aang is there as well. I bow to them both, Hakoda seems angry and Aang stressed. “Cheif Hakoda, I am incredibly sorry for the behavior of my troops.”
Those fools decided they wanted to stage a coup in the middle of the night, not knowing The Avatar was in town. Even without Aang, did they really expect to successfully destroy the water tribe with three people?
Hakoda stands from his desk, “Firelord Zuko, I don’t blame you or your nation for the actions of a few.” I’m relieved that this won’t start a full-blown altercation but I am incredibly angry. I finally trust a few troops to be polite to The Water Tribe for a few days and they injure five civilians and kill a water tribe warrior. “I do however think we need to find a better way of bridging the gap between our two peoples.” Hakoda continues.
“What do you suggest?” I ask, open to any suggestion that could possibly make up for this. “I was thinking that you could add a Southern Water Tribe representative to your pool of ambassadors,” Aang suggests, It's a good idea. We could take cultural practices into account, and keep a good relationship with the tribe, but… “An ambassador has to be a Fire Nation citizen and be there multiple times a week for meetings alone. Whoever this ambassador would be would have to move to The Fire Nation.” I explain to Hakoda. He nods and takes it into account, he has the same thinking face as Sokka.
Damnit. Lately, my mind keeps drifting to thoughts of Sokka. No matter what I do I can’t get it to stop. It’s like he's a parasite that's taken over my every thought.
“I will tell that to anyone considering the role. Until then, I’d like you to stay in town and speak to the people.” I agree.
Two troops lead me to where I’ll be staying. I wish I didn’t have to get so behind but how this issue is dealt with is vital to the future relationship between our two nations.
The wooden cabin is small but it's warm and that's all I care about right now. There's an open room with a fireplace and sofa on one side and a small table and wood stove. Then there's a hallway that leads to the small bedroom with a bed big enough for two people and a wooden dresser. I wasn’t expecting so much wood in the south pole, trade with the Earth Kingdom must be going well. Across the hall from the bedroom is a bathroom.
It's not as ornate as the palace, I think that's what's so nice about it, or it's the fire in the corner keeping me from freezing to death.
I hear a knock at the door. I’m reluctant to answer, this is the first time I’ve had to myself all day, but I open the door anyway. It’s Aang, Katara and… Sokka. “Hey, Zuzu.” Katara smiles, giving me a hug. Ever since she heard the nickname she insisted on using it, I used to think it was annoying but I like it. She's like the little sister I always wanted, that I wished I could have with Azula.
“Hey, it’s been a while.” She looks mad when we pull away. “Yeah, it has been,” she's pointing her finger at my chest “You haven’t even met Bumi yet! He’s nine months old!” “Sweetie, relax. It’s not the end of the world.” Aang reasons, Sokka just rolls his eyes, walks past us and sits on the couch setting a few bottles on the coffee table.
“Why don’t you guys come in.” I change the subject and gesture them inside closing the door afterward because it’s fucking cold out. “Speaking of the little monster, where is he?” Sokka asks handing a bottle to Katara. “Toph decided to kidnap him for a few days.” Aang says “You really want Toph around him while he's learning to talk?” I joked, Aang and Katara gave each other a worried look. Sokka leaned over and talk-whispered “You’re gonna give them heart attacks.” I laughed and took the offered bottle.
It was some sort of Water Tribe alcohol, I didn’t really know what it was but it was highly sought after in The Fire Nation. I take a sip and remember why. It’s strong. I choke back a cough, silently praying no one noticed that I, a now twenty-five-year-old man, can’t handle my drinks for shit. Sokkas grin into the neck of his bottle says that he did very much notice.
He fishes something out of his bag and stands up. He saunters over to the wall I’m leaning against and trades my bottle for a different one. It's darker in color and has a small flame printed on it, it’s a popular liquor in The Fire Nation. “Thought this might be easier for you to handle.” He winks and I roll my eyes. “So thoughtful,” I respond, he laughs a little. It’s a nice laugh, soft and quiet, different from how he usually is.
Catching up with the others is nice, we tell stories, talk about what we’ve been doing, and in Sokka’s case, drink enough to tip a moose-lion. Seriously, how is he okay? Even Katara stopped hours ago. Aang never started, and I’ve been drinking so slow I’m only on my third.
He’s still standing next to me and talking theatrically with his hands, it’s a miracle he hasn’t hit anyone doing that yet. He looks back at me and I realize I’ve been staring, he just smiles that sarcastic smile. It's the same one he uses when he beats me at a sparring match or Pai Sho, I don’t know what he won tonight, but I don’t mind the smile.
___________
I think I’m being punished.
I’m standing in front of a few hundred people, most of which are furious with me, there's light in my eyes, my head is still sore from last night, and I’m trying to find the words to explain to these people that all I want is peace.
They are right to assume the worst. They’ve been scarred by The Fire Nation before, I just want them to know it won’t happen again. So that’s what I say.
I’ve never liked public speaking, it makes my palms sweat and my stomach churn, but it’s not usually this hard. I know what my own people want to hear. I understand the culture, the demographic, and exactly what to say. But here? I’m clueless.
“On behalf of the entire Fire Nation, I sincerely apologize. The behavior exhibited yesterday is not and will never be tolerated.” I hear a scream “That's bullshit!” I try to keep focus, “The soldiers who committed these acts have been stripped of their ranks and will be imprisoned in The Fire Nation.” More screams “You reward murderers!”
My hands are shaking, “To the family of the victim, I am sorry for your loss and am trying to set things right.” There are more screams, it’s getting harder to hear my own thoughts.
When I was a kid I couldn’t speak to crowds at all, until mom told me to “Keep your eyes on one person in the audience and the words will flow.” Back then I would look at her, now I look at Sokka.
“I want to bridge the gap between our people, have The Water Tribe represented in the conversation. So a Water Tribe ambassador will be appointed to The Fire Nation court.” The screams are dying down but not completely, “I want peace, for both of our peoples, and I will work to get there.”
I finish my speech, still looking at Sokka. I’m just as nervous as when I started but I keep a straight face, I can’t let anyone see me falter.
___________
I sit next to a window in the cabin. I look out at the white falling snow. The window is frosted at the edges and cold to the touch. The bench I sit on is covered in soft grey fur contrasting with my red robes. I pull the pin from my hair and it falls over my shoulders. The gold shines in my hand as the light from outside reflects on it. There's a knock on the door. I don’t answer, stuck in my own head unable to escape. It opens and a rush of cold air enters. I shiver.
“That was a good speech,” Sokka says as he sits next to me. Why did it have to be him? With Aang, I can just be a jackass and ignore him, and with Katara, I just act like it was nothing, but with Sokka? He gets me too much. He knows when I’m spiraling. I can’t get away from it.
“You’re the only one who thinks that,” I say still staring out the window refusing to look at his face. “Dad thought so. He says you handled yourself well.” I didn’t answer.
Handle myself well? I feel like a helpless baby that can’t even speak for myself. The only thing I can “handle” is locking myself in my office and not talking to anyone for weeks as I drown myself in my responsibilities. That sounds nice right about now.
“It’s almost time for me to go. I should pack.” I stand up, still not meeting his eyes. “I should too then.” He responds standing as well. What is he talking about? Is he leaving too?
He sees the confusion on my face and clarifies “You know. Since I’m your new ambassador.” He says it so easily like it's the weather or something. “What?” I don’t give him a chance to respond. “Sokka, are you crazy? That's a huge commitment. Moving to The Fire Nation, speaking for the whole tribe. You're not a politician.” I finally look him in the eyes, he seems upset. “I know all of that. That's why I’m doing it. I thought you’d be happy.” Now he’s the one looking away and a pang of guilt rings in my chest.
I know he's perfectly capable of being The Water Tribes ambassador, probably more capable than anyone else, but this is what I do. I push people away.
___________
The ride back to The Fire Nation is long, made longer by the fact Sokka won’t so much as look at me.
He's so close to me yet it feels like he's across the world. Maybe that's why I don’t want him to come with me. I don’t want him to have to see me and who I have become in the time we’ve been apart. It’s easy to pretend for a few days but having him at my side all the time will make it impossible to hide the wounds I bear on flesh and in mind.