Archive of Our Own ^beta

Evan doesn’t remember the people who were supposed to be his family.

Doesn’t remember if he had siblings, if his mother and father were a beautiful couple or if his mother had been abandoned the same way she abandoned him. Doesn’t remember if they have blue eyes or dusty brunette curls like him or if they looked nothing alike. Doesn’t remember their voices, their smiles, doesn’t know if he ever even got the chance to know them.

All he knows is that he was four years old when he was dropped off in the streets of Gotham in a shirt that said Evan on the tag with a backpack full of protein bars, a hundred in cash, his favorite bright red Elmo hoodie, and a note that he couldn’t read.

He put on his hoodie soon, lifting the hood to keep his ears warm from the chilly breeze, and waited for his Mommy to come back for him.

But she didn’t. She didn’t come back.

And so, Evan sat there on the cold, grimy sidewalk, munching on a protein bar too tough for his tiny teeth, unaware of the danger that he was in.

A lady taller than any lady Evan had ever seen before in a shiny, sparkly dress and shiny, sparkly shoes made her way to the corner that Evan sat beside. She idled at the corner, leaning against the wall with her hip cocked and lips pursed.

Evan heard her tummy grumble from where he was sitting and a small gasp left his lips. 

He toddled to her side and pulled on her skirt.

The lady looked down and her brows shot up. “Hey there, little guy. What are you doing out here all alone?”

Evan didn’t reply. Instead he pulled a protein bar from his pocket and put it in her hand. 

Her face softened, eyes looking at the protein bar like he had placed a hunk of gold in her palm.

“I can’t take your food, buddy,” she said, her voice lower than any lady voice he’d ever heard. “This is yours. You need it for when you’re hungry.”

“But you’re hungry,” Evan said. He pat her tummy.

Her face fell. “I’ll be alright. I’m hungry a lot.”

“Doesn’t your mommy make you dinner?” Evan asked, head cocked.

She let out a startled laugh. “My mommy hasn’t cared about me in a long time, kid.”

Evan frowns, looking at his sneakers. “I don’t think my mommy has either.”

Her manicured fingers graze over his cheek, pulling his head back up to look at her. “Where is she? Your mommy?”

“She said we were gonna go to Disney World but she said she had to go to potty and that I have to wait for her to come back but she’s been gone at the potty for a long time. I read in a, in a book that if you potty for a really long time that means you’re probably constipulated.”

“Constipated,” she corrected, her voice faraway. She looked away, her brow pinched deep in thought, eyes closed. “This is not a good idea, Opi,” she muttered to herself. “You’ve barely got enough for yourself let alone a fuckin’ kid. You don’t got the money. You don’t got the time. You don’t—” Her eyes peeked open to look at Evan and she melted at the sight. She closed her eyes again. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” She turned to Evan with a bright smile. “How’d you like to hang out with me? At least until your mommy comes back.” She cringed at her words.

Evan ducked his head with uncertainty. “You’re probably busy. Grownups are always too busy to deal with kids.”

Something stormy took over her face before she schooled her expression. “Well, I may be busy, but I’m not too busy to be with you. And it’s not, it’s not dealing with you. I want to help you.”

“You want me?” Evan said, eyes wide and glimmering with hope.

A smile breaks over her expression. “Yeah, kid. God fuckin’ help me, I do.”

The nice tall lady’s name was Ophelia and she hung out with people for a job! She left after she tucked Evan into bed and then she went to the corner they met so that she could meet people to hang out with all night. 

Evan thought that the people she hung out with weren’t nice because when she came home, she would have bruises all over. Evan made sure to give her extra, extra, extra hugs when he woke up in the morning.

Ophelia made Evan a bowl of cereal every morning. Evan used to know them as Honey Bunches of Oats but Ophelia gets a different kind called Almond Crunchy Honey Oats. When she took Evan to the store he saw why. It costed two dollars less! 

Evan learned a lot about budgeting. Before, with his family before Ophelia, he knew not to ask for things. He was already a financial burden with his big brother in the beepy room and he had heard his parents complain about how much money they wasted on him, so he knew not to need stuff. 

Evan made sure to never be hungry, even if he was. Ophelia didn’t know how much food a little boy like Evan needed, so Evan never told her. He just ate what he gave her and sometimes he wouldn’t eat it all so she thought that he didn’t need all the food and give him less the next time.

And sure, his tummy had a funny feeling a lot but it was worth it to see Ophelia not worry about stuff like spending extra money on food for him.

Ophelia hung out with people at night but after a few months when the money was running out and meals were getting slim, she got a job during the day. Construction work, building and fixing stuff she explained. 

And though that meant that they weren’t eating beans and rice every night, Ophelia was tired all the time and Evan hated seeing her tired all the time.

Evan hated to see her so tired so he had a great idea!

He would go to his own corner and he would hang out with people and get money! 

He didn’t want to get bruised but if that meant Ophelia could get naptime like he did, then it would be all worth it.

So, he stood on the corner in his shiniest shirt and had a sign that said “Profeshunul Hang Outer! $10 a Our to Hang Out!”

A man came to Evan’s corner and read his sign. “Professional Hang Outer, huh?” he said.

Evan nodded eagerly. “My mommy is a professional hang outer too. She has her own corner.” He puffed out his chest. “I even have my shiniest shirt!”

He smirked. “That you do. You want to hang out with me like your mommy hangs out with her… clients?”

Client. Yes! It’s all working out just the way Evan wanted!

He wiped the bright grin off his face and tried to muster his most serious business face. “It’s ten dollars an hour to hang out.”

“Ten dollars,” the man said. “Wow. Well, you drive a hard bargain, but I think I can muster that up.” He slipped his hand into Evan’s. “C’mon. Let’s go to my house to hang out.”

The man, John, so he told Evan, led him to an apartment down the block. 

“You like candy, Evie?” John asked.

Evan’s eyes bugged out. “I love candy!” 

“Well, lucky for you, I’ve got some right here. What do you like more, Skittles or M&Ms?”

Evan puffed his cheeks out as he thought about it. “I like them both.”

“Well then you can have both.”

Skittles and M&Ms?! He’s never gotten to have both before!

Evan munched on his candy, sitting on John’s couch while the man sat next to him, rubbing circles into Evan’s back.

“So Evan,” John said. “How old are you?”

“I’m four and a half!”

“Wow!” John gasped. “Four and a half. You must be such a big boy then, huh?”

Evan nodded excitedly. “Yeah! Not a lot of grownups think I’m a big boy.”

“Well, I think you are,” John said. “You know, there’s a game that big boys play. Do you want to play it with me?”

Evan nodded even more excited. “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! What is it?”

“Here, I’ll just show you,” John said. “It’s a game that only the most specialist boys get to play. And the goodest boys get to play. Are you a good boy?”

“I am!” Evan exclaimed. “I make my bed every day and I take my shoes off at the door and I rinse off my dishes when I’m done with them.”

“Well, then you’re just the best boy there is,” John said.

Evan preened under his praise.

“And good boys get a special treat.”

Evan didn’t know what treat could possibly be better than Skittles and M&Ms.

But then something weird happened. John started touching Evan in weird ways. He didn’t like it very much and it made him feel really weird but John said that it was a special treat for good, big boys and Evan hadn’t been a big boy for a long time and didn’t have a lot of friends that are big boys either, so he figured that it was something he didn’t know.

But he didn’t like it. He was supposed to like it. It was a treat! But it didn’t feel like a treat. It felt… icky.

And then John had Evan touch him in the same way and Evan didn’t really like it but John liked it a lot so Evan figured he was doing something right.

It had been a couple hours by the time they were done and John pat Evan on the head, stroking his fingers through his hair and pressing kisses into his brunette locks.

“I have to go home now,” Evan said. “It’s past my bedtime.”

“Right, of course,” John said. “You were a very good boy, Evan.”

And before those words had made him feel great, but now they just made him feel gross.

“Oh!” John said. “Don’t forget your payment.” John gave him a crisp forty dollars. “You earned it.”

Evan went home feeling gross the whole walk home and he can’t seem to fall asleep when he’s in bed. He just kept thinking about how weird John’s special treat was and how it made him feel.

He eventually passed out, though, and when he awoke in the morning, he was excited to tell Ophelia about the job he did.

He handed Ophelia the forty dollars and Ophelia stared at it blankly.

“Evan,” she said slowly. “Where did you get this?”

“You work so hard, so I decided to work too so you can have more money,” Evan said. “That can pay for rent or something, right?”

Ophelia looked up and she didn’t looked excited, she looked… scared. “Evan. What do you mean you worked too?”

“I went to my own corner in my shiniest shirt and I hung out with someone like you do!” Evan said proudly.

Ophelia’s face only got more horrified. “You… you…” Her breathing quickened. She held his shoulders, looking him into the eyes. “Evan. Did this person… did they touch you?”

Evan looks down. He didn’t know how Ophelia knew, but maybe it’s because that was part of her job too. “Yeah…” Evan said. “He said it was a special treat only for good big boys.”

Ophelia’s grip on his shoulders tighten as her breaths got even quicker. “You… Oh God. Oh God.” She pulled away and held her head in her hands. She made a noise and Evan realized that it was a sob.

He tugged at her sleeve with worry. “Opie, what’s wrong?”

When her hands pulled away, there’s tears running down her cheeks. “You were never supposed to— I never wanted you to—”

“I was just trying to help,” Evan said, his voice small. 

Her expression broke. “Oh, baby, I know you were. But you— not like that. Never like that.”

And then Ophelia sat with him and had a long talk about what kind of touch was okay and what touch wasn’t. She told him the types of people that are nice and the people who aren’t nice. She said things that little boys, even little boys who are big boys like Evan, should and shouldn’t do. 

She said that Evan wasn’t in trouble but he knew that he was. 

Evan didn’t try to work again and Ophelia kept being tired, working her two jobs.

Ophelia was a kind, good mother, unlike the mother Evan had before her. But she… she didn’t have the time to be around. Not when she worked so much. And when she came home, she was sleeping or she wasn’t happy.

Evan wanted to make her happy. He tried whatever he could to make her happy and sometimes he could and sometimes he would just make her even more unhappy. 

When Ophelia wasn’t around, Evan spent his time reading. He read lots and lots of things and the library became his safe haven. 

The librarians knew his name and sometimes when he lost time in one of the beanbags, immersed in the information he was reading, they would bring him a juicebox. Always apple because that’s Evan’s favorite.

And the years went by.

Ophelia worked more and more, got more and more tired, more and more unhappy. 

Evan saw less and less of Ophelia. There were some days she didn’t come home at all. 

That was okay, though, because Evan had been a big boy for a long time. He could make his own meals, not wasting the food, not making too much.

And when the food ran out, he just filled his tummy with tap water until he felt full. 

Evan was seven when he met Jason.

They met at the library and where the library was Evan’s favorite place, Jason was his favorite person.

Jason was two years younger than him. The five year old had bright blue eyes just like Evan so Evan decided that they were brothers.

Mrs. Catherine, Jason’s mommy, was very nice and sometimes Evan would go over to Jason’s house when Ophelia was at work to play with Jason or read with Jason or draw with Jason or whatever he wanted to do with Jason!

Evan had never had a real friend until he met Jason. The librarians were friends but they’re grownups and grownups can’t really be friends with kids. But Jason was a kid too and he was his best best best friend!

Jason loved reading just like Evan does even though Evan is a better reader than Jason and he liked different kinds of books than Jason. 

Jason liked stories, ones with fictional worlds that could take him away to a different place in his mind. Evan liked books about real things so he could learn everything and anything.

Evan didn’t care though. Just because they were reading different books didn’t mean they couldn’t read together. 

Jason would tell Evan about the books he read and Jason was an awesome storyteller! And Evan would tell Jason about all the best facts he learned.

Even though they were different, they worked. 

They grew up together. There for each other in a way that their parents couldn’t.

Evan took the big brother title proudly, protecting Jason and doing everything he could to make him happy.

He made sure that Jason had a fully belly, even if he didn’t, and knew all of the things you need to know to protect yourself from the bad men in Gotham.

Jason was a spitfire of a boy, brash and passionate and loud in ways that Evan wasn’t. Evan, who had grown up in near isolation, spending his time in the empty apartment or in his corner at the library, didn’t have near the charisma that the small five year old did.

And Jason really brought Evan out of his shell. Made him more confident, more sure of himself than he had been, well, ever.

Years went by again and they got older.

The time Ophelia was home became less than the time she was there, her presence scarce in the place Evan used to call home. 

Mr. Todd hit Jason and hurt him bad and Evan held him and swore to him he would never ever hurt him.

Mrs. Catherine got hooked on the stuff that made her mind a blur and Evan had to step up to take care of Jason. 

Jason and Evan got older, the grownups got farther and farther away, and they stuck together, knowing that they only had each other. 

Evan was ten when Ophelia hadn’t come home for three months. 

When he came home, there were men gutting the place.

“What are you doing?!” Evan shouted. 

“The place’s getting vacated, kid,” one of the men said.

“Didn’t touch your room,” the other man said. “Grab your shit and get out.”

Evan, in a panic, had to stuff his entire life into a duffel bag and two pillowcases before getting kicked out of his home. 

Evan, not knowing where else to go, went to Jason’s apartment.

But when he got there, Jason sobs and screams rang through the apartment.

Mrs. Catherine is lying limp on the couch, blue lipped and pallid skinned.

Evan pulled Jason away from her body and held the boy in his lap, rocking him in his arms and murmuring meaningless placations.

And in that moment, Evan knew. 

There was no one else but them.

It was Evan and Jason against the world, on their own, and Evan would do anything for Jason.

Evan was old enough to know what standing on the corner meant. Knew that the special treat was not a treat at all. Knew that what he did that night was worth so much more than forty dollars.

Knew that he could make a decent living giving disgusting, desperate men exactly what they wanted. 

And he knew that Jason could never know about it. Could never let Jason do what Evan had done that one night. Evan didn’t want to know how Ophelia felt that night, couldn’t imagine Jason giving himself to men the way that Evan soon would. 

Evan finds a good pimp. One that cares about the kids and the ladies and deals out the clients instead of making them stand out on the streets and find them on their own.

During the night, he does what he has to.

During the day, he ran drugs for a dealer he had been with that night before that offered him a job. It paid decently and on top of his night job, it was actually good makings. 

And he understood it. Understood why Ophelia was run ragged. Why she was so unhappy.

But he would never let himself become her. He spent every free moment he had with Jason. Put on a bright smile and never let Jason see how he was falling apart piece by piece.

He made sure Jason always had a full belly while he was slowly wasting away. He made sure they had enough money to get Jason a warm coat for the winter while he was in a threadbare jacket. He made sure Jason was as happy as he could be and as oblivious to what Evan did in his time away from him as possible.

Evan had found them an abandoned attic with an entrance only big enough for kids their size. It took some climbing and some balancing but it was worth it to have a roof over their heads.

They didn’t have a stove or electricity so Evan had to get creative with food to make sure Jason was getting what he needed.

It was a trek, but visiting the dumpster outside the nice grocery store in the nicer part of town, Evan was able to get amazing food.

The waste was unbelievable, and Evan found himself with a duffel bag with half his weight in damaged cans of veggies and soup, fruit that was just a little too ripe to sell but perfect to get Jason his vitamins, and even some breads and treats, even if they were a little stale and smushed.

Jason called Evan a scavenger. He idolized Evan and the way he seemed to get the hoard of treasure every dumpster dive day.

Evan didn’t think he deserved his adoration. Evan knew that Jason deserved much better than him.

Years kept going, Jason got older, Evan got tireder. 

But he never got bitter. Never let himself get bitter like Ophelia once had.

He didn’t let himself wonder where Ophelia had gone. He knew Crime Alley. Knew what men did to people like them.

They got too big for their attic, Jason at 12 and Evan at 14, but they knew that they wouldn’t find anything better, so they stayed. Plus, it was their home. They couldn’t just leave it. 

They kept going to the library, the home away from home still the safe haven that Evan needed desperately. For those precious hours in the library, he was not a dumpster diver or a prostitute or a drug runner, he was just Evan, Jason’s big brother.

They managed for four years. And sure, there were hard days. Days when the rats and roaches would invade their home. Days where the food was less fresh and they were eating cold soup for days. Days where the guys get too rough at night and Evan couldn’t do anything but lie catatonically and stare at the ceiling. 

But they got by. And Jason didn’t never had to give up being a kid. Never had to know what it was like to suffer to survive. He got to be happy and Evan made sure to keep it that way.

And then one day, Jason didn’t come home at his usual time. Evan panicked. He knew not to leave the attic, knowing that it would be the first place Jason came. But minutes turned to hours and Evan was losing his goddamn mind.

Finally, there’s the familiar knock at the entrance and Evan could finally breathe.

Jason told Evan about tires he tried to steal, wanting to help Evan get more money. Told him about Batman who found him and introduced him to Bruce fucking Wayne. Told him that Bruce fucking Wayne wants to take Jason in.

Told him that Jason said no.

“You what?” Evan exclaimed.

“I told him no,” Jason said. “I couldn’t just leave you.”

“Yes, you could,” Evan said. 

Jason looked like Evan just smacked him in the face. “Ev, c’mon. You know I would never just abandon you like that.”

“You should,” Evan said. “You— Jason, you deserve to. That guy can— he can give you everything.” Everything I can’t, he doesn’t say. “A house with air conditioning and heat and three real meals a day and your own library of books. You… you deserve that, Jason.”

“No I don’t,” Jason said. “If anything, you do.”

And this time, Evan was the one who looks like he’s been slapped.

“All you do is take care of me,” Jason said. “And when you’re not, you’re out there, workin’ to take care of me. Sometimes I feel like I’m this, this bum that mooches off of you all the time. And being with that guy? It’d be like that but a million. I don’t deserve that. But you do. And I ain’t goin’ with him if I don’t get to go with you.”

Evan couldn’t imagine Bruce Wayne wanting a kid like Evan. One that’s been tainted and dirtied and ruined. He’s not like Jason, not anymore. He’s always been a burden, a problem, and he knew that Bruce Wayne would realize it and dump him on the street again when he got sick of him.

But Jason? Jason was good and kind and the best kid that Evan has ever known. He’s the kind of kid that guys like Bruce Wayne would want as a son.

“You shouldn’t stay for me,” Evan says. “I’m not worth it.”

“The fuck’re you sayin’, Ev? Of course you’re worth it! You’re worth everything! Worth a million times more than Bruce Wayne.”

Tears prickled in Evan’s eyes. “You really mean it?”

“Of course I do,” Jason said. “C’mere.”

They shuffle around to hug and Evan just let himself hold Jason even though the guilt gnawed at him from the inside.

The next night, Evan’s pimp told him that he’s got an appointment with someone with big bucks.

When Evan entered the room and saw Bruce Wayne, his blood began to boil. To think, this is the man he wanted Jason to go to, but here he was, in his bed.

But Bruce Wayne didn’t come for his body. No. He came because he wanted to convince him to come with Jason to his home. He came to convince him that they would be safe and not separated and given the life that they deserve.

Evan didn’t want to trust it, but God. He couldn’t take this opportunity away from Jason.

And so he said yes.