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Chapter Text

2014 – One Day

The weeks after nationals was a blur. One moment he was stepping off the plane, heart full of a new dream, and the next he was boarding a new plane for his permanent relocation to Australia. At least for the foreseeable future. As they prepared for take-off Haru couldn’t help but think back to when he’d told Makoto his plans, directly after they’d won their race. They’d been lingering behind in the changing rooms, Nagisa and Rei having already left in search of Kou and the others. Both boys were doing up their shoes when Haru had blurted it out, heart pounding loudly in his ears.

“I’m going to Australia with Rin after graduation.” The words sounded rushed, as if in his nervous state his mouth had tried to speed up the process. The boy beside him froze, he was bent over his knee, head lowered so Haru couldn’t discern his expression even if he’d wanted to. A single beat later Makoto was straightening, his usual warm smile on his face, eyes closed, and head cocked.

“I’m glad Haruka. You and Rin were made to swim together. You’ll do well in Australia.” He spoke in the same soft tone he always used with Haru, which usually left him feeling warm and content but now all he felt was deflated and empty. Haru couldn’t discern what was wrong, Makoto supported him, he was following his dream he should be happy.

‘You wanted him to ask you to stay.’ A traitorous voice whispered in his head, it sounded disconcertingly like Nagisa. In an effort to dislodge the thought he turned his head sharply away from Makotos green gaze.

“I told you not to call me that.”

A soft chuckle followed by an even softer response. “Right, sorry Haru.”

After that, they had returned to the others and life progressed as usual, or it seemed too. On the surface everything was back to normal. There were no secrets or stress about the future, Makoto continued to fish him out of the bath every morning and they walked to school. But, underneath the façade of normalcy there was a rift between the two, yawning wider and wider as the date for Harus flight loomed closer.

The night before he left, Nagisa and Rei had cried and even Kou had gotten a little teary. But Makoto was as pleasant as usual and Haru couldn’t tell if it was a front or not. Thinking that he was already losing the ability to read Makoto hurt more than he had thought it would. The only time Haru had seen a crack in the mask was just before he and Rin had passed through security, Rin had gone ahead after uttering a farewell to the tall brunette.

“Haru.” The boy in question had turned his head to study the other, his frame was tense, and his face was oddly serious, reminiscent of the Oban festival. The memory caused Harus pulse to spike.

“Haru, I-‘ Makoto seemed to struggle with his next words until the tension released and he gave the raven a lukewarm version of his usual smile. “I just wanted to say good luck.” With his words he held out his hand in a perverse version of how he usually would. Disappointment ripped through Haru, although disappointment at what he couldn’t say, and reached to clasp Makotos hand. With a quick tug he was pulled into Makotos firm chest and wrapped tightly in his arms. Harus breath caught, they’d rarely hugged throughout their friendship, touches limited to when he was pulled from a bathtub or pool. The last time they’d hugged was in middle school when Haru had ended up in hospital. Makoto was so warm and smelled like cinnamon mixed with something that made Haru feel like home. As he inhaled deeply his eyes began to sting and he bit his lip, the physical pain distracting from the emotional pain briefly.

“Until we meet again Haruka.” Makoto whispered and before Haru could respond the brunette was gone, swiftly moving through the crowd without looking back no matter how much Haru wished he would.

The planes steep ascent jolted the boy out of his memories. Rin was next to him, already out like a light, a little bit of drool running from his mouth. Haru snorted softly at the red head before deciding to follow suit and closed his eyes, dreaming of soft green and cinnamon.

2014 – One Month

The first month away from Iwatobi was hard. Barely speaking the language was a barrier that wasn’t improving things, Rin couldn’t be with him twenty-four seven and though Haru wasn’t a particularly social person, he was lonely. Living in Australia was an eye opener to the fact that while he had lived in his house by himself, he’d never been alone, not with the Tachibanas a few steps down and his friends within an easy travel distance.

Luckily the training was intense and when he wasn’t swimming, he was in the gym or sleeping but on his off days Haru struggled with missing Makoto. It felt like he’d lost a limb and the phantom pains would flare up unexpectedly and aggressively. It was all made worse by the constant barrage of emails he received from the Iwatobi group informing him of their goings on, and maybe it was selfish of him but he wished they would leave him alone so he could move on. He didn’t want to know that Rei had finally asked Nagisa out nor did he need to hear about how they were all working for Sasabe until the next school year began. He said as much to Rin after having a little too much red wine with dinner one night and the red head shared his sympathies having gone through a similar experience the last time he had left for Australia.

The conversation stirred something in Haru, and he decided to follow in Rin’s footsteps, while not exactly the best at replying, he had tried to at least once a week but eventually he stopped completely. He could never fully integrate into his new life if he kept clinging to his old one. Haru ignored the twinge in his chest at the idea of ignoring Makoto, putting it down to too much caffeine.

2014 – Three Months

It had been nearly eight weeks since he’d cut ties with everyone back in Iwatobi. In that time, he’d broken his own personal record twice, had learned a few more key English phrases and had moved in with Rin just to combat the feeling of absolute isolation. Only Makoto had stayed stubbornly in one sided contact. Until a week ago. The last six days there had been a glaring radio silence. Haru couldn’t help but worry about him, had something happened? Flashes of a storm and shallow breathing flit across his mind.

So, with futile feigned indifference he logged into his very rarely used social page and searched up Makotos name. There he was, forever immortalised on the internet with a photo that was clearly taken without his knowledge originally, he was lounging underneath a large tree in a fitted plaid shirt, Haru had never seen. His skin looked a little darker due the warm weather and his hair was shorter than usual; he was gazing at something offscreen with dancing green eyes and a soft smile playing around his lips. It was a look Haru was intimately familiar with, because it used to be his.

His stomach felt like it had been filled with rocks, Makoto was okay, better than okay so his job was done here. After a moments deliberation he deactivated his account. He didn’t use it anyway.

2015 – One Year

Harus days are filled with training, Rin, sleep, rinse and repeat.

He feels empty. Being with Rin and working towards his goal should fulfil him more but the only thing he looked forward to were the relay practices because at least then Rin could spark that feeling he always had.

Makoto was everywhere in his absence, in the cats he saw on the street, in the chocolate cake Rin brings home one night and mostly in the lack of a hand held out to him. He even missed the nagging lectures about staying decent in public and eating more than mackerel every day.

But he tries to put his feelings to the side, Rin had been off since Yamazaki had informed him that even though he’d gotten the surgery, he wouldn’t be swimming competitively again. His friend needed him even if it was just as someone to race against.

2016 – The Olympics

At the Rio de Janeiro Olympics, Haru placed bronze in both the 100m and 200m freestyle races, Rin placed silver in 100m freestyle and the 200m butterfly and collectively they placed silver in the medley relay. As he stood on the podium there was a brief moment where he felt what he had when he first visited Australia. It felt as if all the loneliness and struggles had been worth it, if he could keep feeling like this, standing next to Rin who was predictably crying, and sharing in the triumph. Haru felt on top of the world.

But then the moment was over, and the team all split off to call their loved ones, even Rin walked away to video call Kou and Ai, but Haru had no one to tell. No one to give him a warm congratulations. He supposed he could call his parents, but it had been so long since he’d seen them and even longer since they’d had any kind of parental influence in his life that they were more like strangers and any accolades they could give him would feel empty.

As he stared at his phone the screen lit up with a fresh notification, an email from Makoto Tachibana. The first contact they’d had in nearly two years.

It took him several attempts to unlock his phone due to how hard his hands were shaking. When he finally unlocked it, his breath caught in his throat before releasing into a wet huff that could almost pass for a laugh.

From [email protected]

Congratulations Haruka.

You did really well.

Makoto.

Harus heart was thumping painfully, and a solitary tear slipped down his face, onto his hand. Even after all this time Makoto could still read him.

2017 - Three Years

It was the middle of winter in Australia and while it didn’t get as cold as Japan, it was still frigid enough for thick jumpers and pink cheeks. Rin and he were on their way back home after a late dinner at Rin’s favourite Italian restaurant. Rin took to western cuisine like, well, like a Haru to water but the raven-haired boy fervently missed his home country’s food especially since western diets rarely included mackerel, which was an abomination to people everywhere.

They had decided to dine late as the hype from the olympics had yet to die down especially with their coach encouraging them to appease their sponsors by agreeing to photoshoots, tv ads and other ridiculous self-promotion. Another area Rin thrived in whereas Haru felt akin to a performing dolphin stuck in a tank for millions to pass by and gawk at.

As the two males reached the stoop that led to their home Rin stopped, causing Haru to stop as well and stare inquisitively at the taller boy. Rin seemed to be steeling himself to do something, his lower lip was caught between his sharp teeth and his eyebrows were scrunched in deliberation.

“Rin...?” Haru called softly. At the sound of his voice Rin seemed to startle out of whatever thought he had been lost in and as his light red eyes met Harus blue ones, a decision seemed to be made.

The redhead stepped towards the other with slow intent, gaze never leaving Harus. A moment before it happened Haru knew what his friend intended to do and throwing caution to the wind Haru decided to let it continue.

Rins lips met his softly, an odd juxtaposition to the boys every other action. His face was warm against Harus but that was it.

Wasn’t this supposed to feel better? Am I doing it right?

Haru in his frustration wrapped his arms around Rins neck and opened his mouth slightly. Rin took the invitation and tentatively kissed him deeper but while the action felt oddly nice there was no attraction, no spark. The fire that surrounded the two while swimming together was not present here. After a moment they both pulled back, slightly flushed.

Rin had an odd look on his face, it was a mixture of disappointment and relief.

“Huh. I thought that would feel better.” If a voice could be a pout, then that’s what Rins would be, and it caused a sharp huff of laughter to escape Harus nose.

“Yeah, so did I.” Rin smirked lightly.

“Oh well, it seems right that my first kiss would go to you.”

Haru wasn’t sure he agreed with that, a vivid green flashed through his mind but he shook his head as if to dislodge it and watched as Rin moved to unlock the front door. The other turned around to give him a cheeky grin.

“Also, you need to start using lip balm, it was like kissing sandpaper.” And with that comment he ran into the house, Haru hot on his heels, intent on drowning the bastard in the bathtub.

Neither noticed the camera that was pointed directly at them.

2018 – Four Years

Ever since the paparazzi had posted that stupid photo of Rin and Haru’s “moment” his life had been a living hell. No, he wasn’t being a drama queen.

Not only did he have to deal with a constant barrage of teasing jibes from their teammates and online attacks from Rins crazy fangirls. He also had to constantly field questions about their relationship with evasive answers. Their agents wouldn’t let them either confirm or deny the rumours to drum up interest, and on top of that, ambiguously interpreted actions were encouraged between the two. Leading to Rin crowding Harus personal space in public constantly, either with an arm slung over the shoulder or an unnecessarily long hug. This usually wouldn’t bother the raven as Rin had always been a physically demonstrative person, but having the contact be forced upon them grates at Haru in ways he couldn’t explain.

He just wanted to swim, he didn’t sign up for this show and pony parade. But it didn’t matter what he wanted, barely any of the press about him was about his swimming prowess but about his personal life and how he looked without a shirt on. Haru had never had much modesty when it came to his body but seeing himself in a pair of underwear on a billboard with a medal around his neck made him feel mildly nauseous.

As he sank low into the bathtub and stared at his dolphin bobbing happily in the water, he couldn’t help but miss Makoto with such a ferocity it physically hurt. He had once thought that losing Rin had been the worst pain ever, like a stab wound that eventually scarred but ached occasionally. Losing Makoto though was like a cancer, small and muted at first until without your knowledge it had tainted your whole body and all you can feel is the pain.

He knew that reconnecting was as easy as sending an email, he also knew Makoto would forgive him no questions asked, even if Haru didn’t deserve it but… he couldn’t. Not when he was still so far away, he hadn’t been home once in the four years he’d been away, and Rin had only returned once for Kou’s wedding last year. As much as he yearned to go back, the fear of the change he’d see when he gets there kept him rooted in place, stuck in some kind of miserable limbo, where he could pretend the home he left behind was unchanged.

Haru flicked the dolphin's nose and watched it bob some more.

2019 – Five Years

Haru thinks he must be dying. It’s the only explanation for how he can feel so empty while carving a path through the water. The water was alive, it always helped him and healed him but now he felt like he was swimming in cement.

Luckily it wasn’t reflected in his times which kept the coach off his back, but he couldn’t fool Rin who was getting annoyingly good at reading Haru. He caught the other man giving him concerned glances every now and then but neither of them acknowledged this. Perhaps they were both afraid of where the conversation would take them.

Because there was only one conclusion, and it was a circumstance neither man had ever considered possible.

Haru was losing his love for swimming.

2020 – The Olympics

Haru was back home, well in Tokyo but he was surrounded by a familiar dialect and language. The food was like a comforting hug to his taste buds, even the smog was welcomed.

It made his choice even easier.

Knowing what he knew he put on the best performance of his life, taking gold in the 100m, 200m freestyle and the medley relay. He stood proud in front of his country, with Rin who had also taken gold in both his butterfly races and silver in the 100m freestyle.

After all the celebrations started to wind down Haru turned to Rin who looked at him with resignation.

“I’m quitting the professional circuit and I’m staying here.” The moment he said it, a weight was lifted off his shoulders, made even lighter by Rins rueful smile.

“Finally, you’ve been one of the walking dead for months, maybe even years.” The jest fell flat as the man’s red eyes filled with tears. Haru decided to initiate contact for once and pulled the other into a hug.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You just took three gold medals at the Olympics. You’ll be bigger than ever.”

Haru pulled away to stare at Rin with a deadpan expression causing the other to snort.

“Right, forgot who I was talking too.”

“I’ll always love the water, but swimming is meaningless without... well, yeah. This is your world Rin and I need to find mine.” Rins eyes widened in shock at the statement before seemingly shaking it off and pointing a finger at Haru.

“You better stay in shape because I’ll be racing you every time I’m in the country and it’ll be no fun beating you if you’re all flabby!” Haru let out a soft laugh before turning away, ready to announce his plans to the world.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

2021 – Seven Years

It had taken a few months, but Haru had finally settled into the bustling Tokyo lifestyle. He had gotten himself a nice one-bedroom house with his savings in the Shibuya district and had enrolled in a local culinary school after deciding he’d like to take his love of cooking further. He felt happier than he had in years but there was still a distinctive hole in his life.

He had yet to reconnect with anyone from Iwatobi, his emails to Makoto bounced back and he no longer had anyone else’s contact information. He could ask Rin to ask Kou or visit the Tachibanas but he couldn’t make himself ask for help. His stubborn nature was really starting to rankle, but every-time he attempted to contact Rin he froze up and deleted whatever half assed attempt at a message he could come up with.

Maybe he’d bump into Makoto at the supermarket or something. There were only 37,340,000 people in Tokyo, he’d bump into him sooner or later.

Right?

2022 – Eight Years

It had been a pretty long day for Haru even before his house had been broken into. He had missed his alarm after falling asleep in the bath and had been over an hour late to his morning class, a bird had crapped on him during his lunch break, and he had accidentally slammed a door on his hand producing a nice set of aggressive bruises and some slight swelling.

His grandmother used to say that bad things come in threes but honestly if that was true then his open front door was the universes way of mocking him.

He crept quietly into his house but couldn’t hear anything damning. Deciding to err on the side of caution he kept the lights off and slowly checked each room, nothing appeared missing or out of place until he came upon his bedroom. Hundreds of pictures of Rin and he were splayed across the mattress to spell out the words; ‘HE’S MINE.’ Underneath the delightful message was one of his dolphin plushies pinned to the bed with a kitchen knife.

It seemed he had another obsessive stalker case on his hands, although the home invasion and plushie mutilation was a new one. Careful not to touch anything that could be evidence he found his phone and dialled the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department.

“Hello, I’d like to report a break in.”

                    .                  .                .

Twenty or so minutes later a heavy set of knocks sounded at the door and Haru opened it quickly. He was mildly shocked to find himself staring up into cold teal eyes, set into a hard face mostly unchanged by years save for the bags under his eyes.

“Yamazaki?”

Yamazaki’s eyes widened with recognition and flit quickly to the person beside him as if concerned. Haru turned his gaze to Yamazaki’s equally tall partner and was immediately drowning in a sea of green and cinnamon.

“Makoto?”

Chapter Text

2014 – One Day

Makoto had loved Haru as long as he could remember; when it morphed from a platonic feeling into a romantic one, he couldn’t say, but it never scared him. It was as natural for the brunette as breathing, just a fact of life. Fire burns, water is wet, Makoto Tachibana is in love with Haruka Nanase. He had long decided to keep his emotions to himself. Haru had no interest in him or possibly anyone, although since Rin had swaggered back into their lives with his sharp eyes and sharper smile Makoto’s had to revise that assessment.

The weeks after nationals passed slowly like someone wading through honey. Makoto could feel himself going through the motions of life after Haru had told him his plans for the future.

They’d been sat together in the changing rooms, riding off the high of their victory when Haru had told him.

“I’m going to Australia with Rin after graduation.” The words came out in Haru’s usual deadpan tone, if a little rushed and Makoto would usually use Haru’s face and body language to discern the boy's true emotions, but Makoto was frozen. Bent over his knee with his hands on his laces and his mind running a million miles an hour. He had always known that this would happen, no one could push Haru like Rin, no one else could make his eyes light with the fierce fire that simultaneously caused Makoto happiness and pain.

He thought he’d prepared himself for this moment but the pain that ripped through his chest was akin to having his heart torn out and held in front of him, dripping blood and somehow still beating. But Haru clearly needed this for his future and Makoto would be damned if he didn’t help his best friend reach his goals. So, after his brief pause, he collected himself, knitting together the mask he had perfected throughout the years and smiled into the eyes that reminded him of the ocean in a way that doesn’t cause him grief.

“I’m glad Haruka. You and Rin were made to swim together. You’ll do well in Australia.” As he closed his eyes, he missed the brief flash of disappointment on the others face. When he opened them again Haru’s head was turned towards the lockers in a slight pout.

“I told you not to call me that.”

Makoto laughed softly, the bleeding cavity in his chest throbbing painfully.

“Right, sorry Haru.”

                  .                    .                     .

Life passed after that as if Makoto was only a passenger, working completely on autopilot as Haru packed up the house he’d lived in all his life. And all too soon he was seeing his best friend and Rin off to the airport, saying goodbye for who knows how long.

It had taken all of Makoto’s self-control to keep his feelings to himself, almost letting them slip in a moment of weakness before allowing himself a small selfish action by wrapping Haru in his arms for the first time since middle school.

“Until we meet again Haruka.” Makoto whispered, fervently choking back his emotions and inhaling Haru’s signature chlorine and shaving cream scent one last time before pulling away. As he moved further from where they had stood, he forced himself not to look back, knowing that if he did, he’d abandon all his self-respect and beg Haru not to go. Makoto couldn’t be that selfish, not when this was Haru’s dream.

2014 – One Month

It had been one month since Harus’ departure and Makoto was doing better than he expected. There was obviously a glaring Haru shaped hole in his life in Iwatobi now, but there was an odd sort of freedom to having all this time to himself before he moved to Tokyo for university. He spent many of his days lending Coach Sasabe a hand down at the swim club to save up a little extra cash, occasionally wrangling an unruly Nagisa and a shy Rei into helping as well.

Whenever he wasn’t working, he spent as much time as he could with the twins both of whom were already bemoaning the loss of their big brother causing them to be clingier than ever before, but Makoto didn’t mind he loved spending time with Ran and Ren, they kept him on his toes.

He even had to coach a very flustered and embarrassed Rei through his confession speech to Nagisa, which, given a very awkward locker scene he’d walked in on, had gone quite well. He didn’t think the blush would ever fade from his cheeks.

All in all, he was left with very little time to actively miss Haru, but in his moments of down time when he would usually be in the company of his silent friend, the low ache of loss sat in his chest. That was when he would send a little email to Haru, never anything more than things Haru might find interesting and definitely not too often. Haru usually only replied once a week with short, blunt messages that may have offended someone else, but Makoto knew how Haru detested technology and was pleased with even this minimal contact.

This lasted until he moved to Tokyo, when everything changed.

2014 – Two Months

His move to Tokyo came with as much fanfare as he’d expected; his family, Nagisa, Rei and Kou seeing him off. He couldn’t tell who was crying more; the twins or Nagisa. He hadn’t heard from Haru in a few weeks nor had anyone else but after a swift perusal of Rin’s socials, Makoto assumed the raven was just too busy with training to respond. The thought made him sad but also proud that Haru was taking his future so seriously.

When he arrived on campus with a suitcase of meagre belongings it wasn’t long before he had his room assignment and was opening the door to his new home, at least for the rest of the year. The room was modestly sized with two desks that doubled as drawers, one against the far wall and one against the left wall near a door that Makoto assumed led to the bathroom. Both had simple, run of the mill rolling chairs tucked into them and against the right wall was a steel framed bunk bed. But it was the person on the other side of the door that shocked him into near speechlessness.

“Yamazaki?!” The boy, who was just as tall and broad as Makoto was himself, lay sprawled across the bottom bunk in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts, showing off his cut physique and tapered waist that was typical of most swimmers. His cropped black hair had grown a little longer in their time apart, falling messily into lazy teal eyes that had widened slightly at Makotos appearance. Most importantly there was a thin red scar over his shoulder, that caused Makoto to start.

“You had your surgery? How did it go?” Sousuke looked at him slightly as if wondering how sincere the question was before smiling lightly.

“Good, doctors say as long as I turn up to my therapy sessions and do the home exercises, I should be back to fighting form within the year.” Sousuke sounded bored by the whole thing but there was a glimmer of excitement in his eyes that had Makoto grinning at him. He moved further into the room and began unpacking his stuff into the unoccupied set of drawers near the bathroom.

“Are you going to start swimming again?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth Makoto wished he could suck them back in as Sousuke tensed and moved to stand, leaning lightly against the metal frame of the beds, arms folded across his chest.

“No. I’m here to figure out my future plans.” Sousuke’s tone was terse, and he was looking at him warily, posture defensive, but Makoto only nodded in understanding.

“Understandable. You need to do what’s best for you.” Teal eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Huh, that’s not what Matsuoka thought.” Makoto clocked the use of Rin’s last name and the bitterness that surrounded the comment and decided to weigh his next words carefully. He could only imagine what Rin had thought of his childhood friend quitting the sport they both loved.

“Well Rin has always been quite... ah... dramatic. I’m sure he’ll come around Yamazaki.” Sousuke huffed a disbelieving laugh that quickly turned into a playful smirk.

“Come on Makoto, we’re going to be whacking off in the same room for a year, we should at least be on a first name basis.” The crude comment startled a surprised laugh out of the boy being addressed, even as his ears flushed slightly.

“I guess you're right, I can also see you’ve taken the bottom for yourself. Quite appropriate actually Sousuke.” The bark of laughter he got in response had Makoto feeling quite pleased with himself for the next few hours.

2014 – Three Months

College wasn’t quite what he expected in some ways, he’d thought that when he had coached at the Iwatobi Swim Club he’d found his calling, but he couldn’t quite recapture that feeling while studying. The subjects didn’t interest him, and he struggled with the material, while he wasn’t stupid, he was much better at the practical aspects of life over the studious parts.

To top it all off he hasn’t heard from Haru in 7 weeks and just as he was getting frantic for some contact, he received a sharp email from Rin.

From [email protected]

Haru needs space. He wants to move on, stop contacting him. He’ll message when he’s ready.

Matsuoka

Makoto hadn’t cried when Haru had told him he was leaving, he hadn’t cried when he got on the plane, but he cried now. Hot wet tears that ripped their way from his eyes, his ears were ringing and his breath constricting in his chest. He’d known their relationship would be different, but to lose Haruka completely, to not even merit the worth of a message to tell him so was more than Makoto could bear.

This was how Sousuke had found Makoto, in the midst of a panic attack.

Their relationship was Makotos single highlight right now so far from all his family and other friends. Sousuke had a dry sense of humour that never failed to leave Makoto in stitches. He was easy to banter with and fiercely intelligent, the two had found a common interest in true crime shows that they watched avidly together, bouncing ideas and theories off each other trying to figure it out before the story concluded. They had a 70% success rate so far.

But more than that, there was a level of comfort with Sousuke he had never found with anyone else. Not even Haru. He had such an easy aura that allowed Makoto to always share his thoughts, even if he thought Sousuke might disagree. He could never be quite so free with Haru, always afraid that he’d do something wrong, and the other boy would push him away. Sousuke would voice his displeasure and then they would resolve it and he allowed Makoto the same courtesy.

They clashed in a lot of ways one being that Makoto could be slightly messy and Sousuke turned into a bit of a demon should there be a single sock sullying his pristine floor. Another is that Makoto is quite the early riser after years of living with the twins, whereas Sousuke was like a grumpy bear woken before the end of its hibernation period.

But more often than not they found themselves on exactly the same page. Despite his stoic and intimidating demeanour Sousuke had quite the heart of gold, which shone through most in the presence of animals. His eyes always softened at the sight at something small and fluffy. His reticent nature was also just a front for his complete social ineptitude which Makoto found simply adorable and never failed to tease the other boy about it, which usually resulted in swift jab to the arm.

The two were joined at the hip in a way Makoto hadn’t thought possible with someone other than Haru. Even better, was that Makoto had always considered himself quite a tactile person but with Haru’s aversion to being touched, he constantly had to rein himself in so as not to overwhelm the other, especially with presences such as Nagisa and Rin who rarely understood personal boundaries. Sousuke, though, had no such issues and was equally physically demonstrative, as he often lacked the words to convey his intent.

So, when Sousuke found Makoto, he didn’t say anything just dropped down beside him on the floor by their beds and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. It wasn’t long before the touch of someone familiar to him calmed the brunette down until his choked breaths had turned to soft pants.

“Mako, what happened?” Sousuke asked quietly, eyes searching the others face with frank concern.

Makoto couldn’t respond yet his throat raw and eyes stinging with tears still waiting to be shed so he simply handed over his phone that still had Rin’s email prominently displayed.

Sousuke sucked in a sharp breath and growled out. “Bastards.”  It would’ve been virtually inaudible if the two hadn’t been pressed against each other. Sharing in their combined loss.

                     .                .                .

After that night something intangible had changed between the two. There was fierce layer of protectiveness that blanketed both boys.

In the months after Rin’s email, Makoto had fallen into a light depressive state. Getting up was harder than it had ever been, his appetite was gone, and his studies had all but gone down the drain. Sousuke allowed a week of his wallowing before he put his foot down. Dragging Makoto out of bed at the ass crack of dawn to go for a run and when he was met with complaints he only said; “I won’t let you kill yourself over this. Not for Nanase. So, we’re going for a run, you will eat breakfast and we’re going to library to study even if I have to drag you every step of the way.”

And so, he had. Every morning despite being half alive himself, he dragged Makoto out to go for a run and then to breakfast before their classes.

Slowly but surely Makoto began to heal.

2015 – One Year

It was normal, Makoto thinks, for two healthy young males of similar sexual inclinations to fall into a relationship together, especially when they spend as much time together as he and Sousuke did. But it was a short-lived affair, as active and satisfying as their sexual life together was, there wasn’t any spark, no romantic inclination especially as both boys still harboured the aching shards of their first loves.

Neither boy was particularly heartbroken about the end of their activities, although Sousuke made a point to lament the loss of Makoto’s talented mouth, loudly, and often. Always resulting in Makoto making noises akin to a beached whale with a face so flushed you could fry an egg on it.

Their attempt at romance lasted about three months during which the school year ended and both boys returned to Iwatobi. As Sousuke’s parents lived abroad he stayed at the Tachibana household where he fit in like a jigsaw piece. Kurimiya Tachibana doted on him endlessly which left the 6ft1 male floundering and blushing in a way that left Makoto in tears. Ran and Ren adored their big brother's new friend who was strong enough to throw them around just as he did. He also worked with Ran patiently, who was now in middle school and had joined a boxing club while Makoto played basketball with Ren who had joined his schools club.

When they meet up with Rei, Nagisa and Kou to celebrate their graduating high school, Sousuke struck up a surprising friendship with Rei, bonding over their mutual love of books. The three younger members of the swim club had all decided to make the move to Tokyo. Rei to study Chemistry with the hopes of becoming a Biotechnologist, Nagisa to study Photography and get his scuba diving license to move into the world of underwater photography and Kou was heading to Todai (Which has nothing to do with Seijuurou!!) to become a personal trainer.

After a stilted conversation about Haru and Rin who had not been in contact with anyone else, much to the offence of Nagisa, the two missing boys weren’t mentioned again for the rest of the holiday.

Sousuke and Makoto hadn’t mentioned their relationship to anyone, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Nagisa knew, going off the shrewd looks thrown their way when no one else was looking.

It wasn’t too long into their next school year that they decided to break it off after a particularly aggressive romp in their dorm room. They continuously had to flip a coin to decide who was top, as surprisingly, they both had fairly dominant personalities in the bedroom. They were wrapped in a blanket on the scratchy carpet of their room, covered in welts and sweat, chests heaving with exertion.

“I think we should break up.” Makoto said it mildly, as if remarking on the weather. He leaned up on his elbow to look down at his partner whose heavy-lidded eyes were lowered with post coital bliss, giving him a ridiculously debauched look that Makoto could never dream of replicating.

“Yeah, I agree, we’re better as bros.” Makoto snorted fondly at the other boy's slight slur, he always got a little sleepy after they fooled around.

“Fuck for the road?” The snort was followed by a familiar sigh of exasperation.

“Jesus, Sou.” The boy in question smirked salaciously.

“That’s not a no.”

“It’s not a no.”

                .                    .                    .

The rest of the school year moves forward much like the last, Makoto continued to feel unsatisfied with his studies and Sousuke struggled to choose a major. The main differences were regular dinners with their little Iwatobi family and getting part time jobs at the campus library.

It was one night at the library that set the rest of their lives on a certain path. Sousuke and he were working the late-night shift, only one or two students were still hanging around. Suddenly a small woman rushed into the library with an air of distress surrounding her, she was positively tiny, like a doll, accentuated by her pretty, delicate features. Her dark hair was pulled up into a messy knot and her pale blue eyes were glassy with unshed tears.

“Excuse me but I was here earlier today with my laptop and bag, but I was in a rush to get to the hospital for my rounds and I forgot to bring my bag with me and now I can’t find it. It has all of my course work and assignments in it, is there anything you can do?!”

She had a soft lyrical voice; Makoto took in her hospital scrubs along with the clear exhaustion under her eyes and felt his heart squeeze with sympathy. He looked over at Sousuke and saw he felt the same.

“We’ll do what we can Miss, just wait here, grab a seat and try not to worry.”

The girl nodded and moved off to a table.

“Let’s go through the security tapes.” Makoto suggested and Sousuke agreed with a quick nod. It took a while, but they found the correct camera that had a clear view of the girl and her bag, it wasn’t long before the girl left and a student in a sports jacket picked it up.

“That’s a Judo club jacket.” Makoto pointed out.

“He’s definitely a freshman too, look at his body language, he’s scared shitless.”

“I’ve got the administration password for emergencies; I’ll go through the Judo club directory for freshmen. Can you try get an idea of what book he has?”

“Got it, art history.”

“There’s one freshman in the judo club who majors in art. I’ve got his dorm number.”

After that, with their combined height and width, paired with Sousuke’s menacing scowl, retrieving the backpack was a quick job. The girl gave them both bows of thanks when they returned it to her.

“Wow that was incredible! You guys should be detectives! You work so well together.” Both men froze at the comment and gave each other identical looks of surprise. Before laughing the comment off, but a tiny seed took root in Makotos mind refusing to be dug up.

As they turned to leave the girl called out.

“Wait! What’re your names?”

“Sousuke Yamazaki.”

“Makoto Tachibana.” Once they’d introduced themselves the girl looked directly at Makoto with shy eyes and a rosy blush on her cheeks.

“Misa Takasu.” And Makoto couldn’t help but think that she really was pretty.

                    .                   .                .

Misa’s comment stayed with Makoto for weeks, to the point where he started researching into the police academy in Tokyo, it wasn’t until he found Sousuke doing the same thing that they talked about it.

Solving the backpack case had lit a fire under the two and after consulting with his parents who encouraged both boys to do what made them happiest, they started the process of dropping out of university and enrolling into the police academy. Thankfully finding a small, liveable apartment was a fairly painless process with both having saved up a fair amount.

Makoto then told Misa of his decision; they’d been seeing each other tentatively since that night in the library. Their relationship was soft and warm and everything Makoto could’ve wanted; it was the first time he’d honestly believed he could move on from Haru.

2016 – Two Years

The next year passed in a blur of training and theory until Sousuke and Makoto graduated the academy and took up their official status as beat cops. Thankfully the higher ups had seen how well the two worked together, like separate cogs in a well-oiled machine and assigned them as partners.

Makotos relationship also progressed well, despite their combined schedules being exceptionally busy they always found time to be together. Misa was like a breath of fresh air; she was unfailingly kind and had razor sharp wit. Makoto was quite smitten with the small woman and so he felt fairly confident in his decision to buy a ring.

“Are you sure, you guys have barely been together a year?” Sousuke had asked in concern when Makoto had told him.

“Yes. I’m not saying we should get married tomorrow or even a year from now. She’s so busy with her residency I wouldn’t want to stress her out, but I love Misa, and I want her to know I’m in this for the long haul.” Makoto poured all his sincerity into his words, he needed Sousuke to support him in this and he wasn’t disappointed. The other man broke out into a wide grin and proceeded to hug Makoto, wrapping him in a now familiar warmth and comfort.

“I’m happy for you. We gotta do something to commemorate this moment, my little Mako is becoming a man!”

And that’s how they ended up on the couch of their apartment beers in hand and staring dumbstruck as they watched the Olympic swimmers battle their way for gold. Both boys had been so consumed with training and such they had completely forgotten that the Olympics were on, and it was pure happenstance that they had come across the live footage.

Makoto felt as if he had something stuck in his throat as he watched Haru take two bronze and one silver. As the raven stood with his relay team, he looked content with the results, his ocean eyes dancing as they looked into the camera.

Sousuke had left the room briefly after seeing Rin and so Makoto took the opportunity to send a short message to Haru. Regardless of how the other boy had hurt him, Makoto couldn’t ignore Haru’s first Olympic triumph.

When Sousuke returned, the two quickly put on some ridiculous American comedy and proceeded to get exceptionally trashed.

The next morning Makoto awoke on the couch top and tailing with Sousuke who was clutching his leg and foot like his life depended on it, his short hair mussed every which way and a small trail of drool escaping his mouth. Makoto chuckled lightly and went to take a photo to send to Nagisa when he noticed a text from Misa asking him to meet. Luckily, he rarely suffered debilitating hangovers, he knew with a couple of painkillers and some food he’d be fine and so agreed to meet her within the hour.

                    .                     .                   .

“Misa’s pregnant.”

The words caused Sousuke to choke on his water in the break room at the station. Liquid dribbling down his chin as he tried to catch a breath.

Makoto didn’t say anything as Sousuke composed himself. The brunette fiddled with the others bottle cap, his mind had been in a jumbled mess since he had seen Misa yesterday. It was like his brain had previously been a pot of uncooked spaghetti and now the noodles had been softened leaving nothing but a tangled soggy mess.

When he’d met Misa at Marron, their favourite cafe, he hadn’t expected the conversation that followed. For her to nervously tell him that her period was late, and she’d taken two tests. Both of which came back positive. One half of him was in shock, unable to take in her words even now and yet the other half couldn’t help but linger on the small velvet box hidden in his bedroom. It felt like a sign.

“What’re you going to do?” Sousuke asked, eyes filled with a quiet concern as he looked at his friend. Makoto looked up with a small smile.

“I love her. I’ve never given being a father much thought but I guess it’s because I’ve been looking after people my whole life. The twins, Haru, your dumb ass-‘ Sousuke returned this comment with a swift kick to the shin. ‘I’m scared, of course, but I’m also excited.”

His words were truthful but unfortunately short lived. A month later Misa had a miscarriage and their relationship never truly healed after that, both dealing with their grief differently. Makoto by clinging tighter and Misa by pulling away, until they had no choice but to end things. Leaving Sousuke to pick up the pieces of his friend once again, while a small diamond ring gathered dust at the bottom of a drawer.

2017 – Three years

Makoto didn’t see the photo for awhile, it wasn’t until he came home and saw Sousuke sat on the couch with a magazine clutched in a white knuckled grip that he saw it. His face was devoid of all emotion, which Makoto knew meant the other was hurting deeply.

“Sou…?” Makotos soft call may have well been a shout, for how violently Sousuke jerked at the sound. His shoulders were tense as he rolled the magazine up and crushed it between his fists.

“You know, I shouldn’t care. He disrespected my decision. He cut me off again. But my heart can’t help but fucking break every time I see him.” The words were said with little inflection, anyone else would’ve missed the slight break on the last word but Makoto heard it, and something cracked in his chest at how much his best friend was hurting.

The brunette felt selfish, Sousuke was always there for him, throughout Haru, and Misa, and everything else. Yet somehow Makoto had missed him falling through the cracks.

“Let me see.” Sousuke shook his head vehemently.

“You don’t want too.” He made as if to take the magazine somewhere, possibly the bin, but Makoto was quicker. He snatched the glossy papers out of Sousuke’s hand and glanced at the front page.

Rin and Haru were wrapped in each other’s embrace, the redhead’s hands gripped the others waist tightly while Haru’s arms were twined around the taller boys' neck, thin fingers tangled in his hair. Both of them had a soft pink flush covering their cheeks from the intimacy of the kiss.

Makoto thinks that before Misa this would have broken his heart anew, but now in the face of a different kind of grief, he could only feel the faint twinge of pain for his first love in the arms of someone else. He would always love Haru, they had known each other too long for him not to but he wasn’t crippled by the feeling any longer.  He knew Sousuke was watching him with red rimmed eyes, possibly expecting a breakdown but the brunette just looked at him with a soft smile.

“Let’s go spar. It’s been a while since I’ve kicked your ass.”

               .                      .                      .

Towards end of the year Seijuurou and Kou decided to tie the knot. Hana was the maid of honour but Makoto, Sousuke, Rei and Nagisa were all her bridesmaids, bridesmen?

The bachelorette party involved copious amounts of alcohol and the four of them in drag. Makoto is thankful that he was too drunk to remember much, although he knows he had gotten on a pole at some point due to several singles shoved into his bra and stockings. He did get plenty of pictures of Sousuke passed out on the couch with his wig, glittery dress and splendidly smudged makeup the next morning though.

The wedding itself was an intimate affair with only 30 people in attendance, the couple had wanted a more western style wedding (no Rei it’s not because muscles look better in tuxes), and Kou looked more beautiful than she ever had adorned in white. Suffice it say that Seijuurou was not the only male in the wedding party that cried as she walked up the aisle.

Rin had made it for the ceremony and reception but didn’t look Sousuke’s way even once. If it hadn’t been Kou’s day, Makoto would’ve said something to the arrogant redhead for putting such a despondent look on his friend's face.

But instead, he just asked the other to dance until a smile appeared again. Sousuke was surprising bad on his feet, causing several snorts of amusement to escape from Makoto and a punch to the arm for each one that did.

The rest of the night was spent dancing with their friends and making the night as special as they could.

2018 – Four Years

When the two men finally made detective, they decided to commemorate the moment with matching tattoos. Makoto got a watercolour style piece of a whale shark on his left side and Sousuke got an Orca on his right.

One night after one too many bourbons, Sousuke had said it was so they could always look out for the other and Makoto had to fight back tears at his usually stoic friend's confession.

It wasn’t long after that when Kou announced she was pregnant with a baby boy. The two newlyweds came to tell Sousuke and Makoto privately and to ask them to be godparents to the boy, Ryuji Mikoshiba.

The brunette did cry at this before accepting and even Sousuke had a suspicious watery sheen in his eyes as he said it would be an honour.

When Makoto thinks back to these moments, he thinks about a quote from the western movie Deadpool that he, Sousuke and rest of the Iwatobi Swim Club, sans Haru, had watched one night during their weekly hang outs.

“Life is an endless series of train-wrecks with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break, and now we’re back to our regularly scheduled train wreck.”

At the time he couldn’t appreciate this comment for what it was but now, well, let’s say he sees that world with new eyes.

2019 – Five Years

It started with the arrest of a low level dealer. The man ended up being their back door into a sect of the Yakuza that dealt in sex trafficking. Makoto and Sousuke were offered the task of going undercover to join the Yakuza and bringing the trafficking ring down from the inside.

The case was a estimated at two years in length and would require complete immersion into their personas, no contact with their old lives except their handler until the case was resolved. Makoto was unsure at first, the idea of not seeing his family for two years was hard but the girls involved in this case were younger than Ran and he couldn’t morally turn his back on them.

After the decision was made it all moved quite quickly, new identities were created and authenticated. Families and friends were informed as appropriate and told to say their goodbyes in case something went wrong.

Makoto Tanaka and Sousuke Yoshida approached the club that was a front for Yakuza recruitment, according to the dealer they had brought in. When they approached the woman who manned the doors with a serious expression, Makoto moved forward and whispered the code word he’d been given to express interest in joining. The woman appraised him coldly before stamping their hands and buzzing them into the room that was filled with writhing bodies moving to the throbbing bass as sweat and smoke filled the air.

When they reached the bar, the bartender eyed their stamps and made them drinks without waiting for them to order. He passed the small glasses of sake over with a look on his face that screamed; ‘Drink it.’

After meeting his partners teal eyes, they both drank the liquid in one, marking their descent into hell.

                    .                    .                    .

The next thing Makoto was aware of was coming to groggily on an uncomfortable metal chair, his hands were zip-tied so tightly behind him they had already started to go numb. In the academy they had been taught how to escape such bondage, but he didn’t struggle.

“So you wish to join the Yakuza?” A rough voice spoke from the darkness, startling him. He was in a small windowless room, a single naked lightbulb shone aggressively above him. His head throbbed and his mouth was dry from whatever his drink had been dosed with, but he managed to spit out a ‘yes’ in response.

A shadow moved in the corner slowly coming into the light. He was a tall, imposing figure, tattoos crawled up his neck and brass knuckles decorated his hands. He had a brief moment to gather himself before the cold steel bit into his cheek and split his lip. The pain was so intense he could see stars momentarily, the ringing in his ears causing him to miss most of what was said next.

“-your name?”

“Makoto Tanaka.” He replied around a mouthful of blood. Another blow to his temple came and he felt his eyebrow rip open, warm blood seeping into his eye forcing the boy to keep it closed.

“If you are who you say you are. Then you will be put through the trials. If not, you’ll be killed in a way that’ll make you wish you were being beaten.” The man then knocked on the wall and Makoto was dragged dazedly through corridors until he was deposited in a room that had 8 cell like partitions, each with its own metal cot and a bucket, the use of what it was for, Makoto didn’t want to think about too hard.

His cell was the only one occupied and the last thought he had before passing out was about Sousuke and praying the man was okay.

                  .                      .                       .

When Makoto awoke this time it was to his name being whispered fervently by a familiar voice. His hands free of their bondage.

“Sousuke!” He scrambled up ignoring the nausea inducing throb of his head to look at his friend through the bars of his adjourning cell. The other looked as bad as he felt, blood ran from his nose which didn’t look broken but had already started to bruise.

“Makoto are-“

His words were cut off by the door opening and the man who had been with Makoto entering the room, the glint of a pistol catching both their eyes and with two silver trays in his hands.

“So boys, lucky for you, you both check out. Which means it’s time to start the trials. If you survive this, you can call me Sasaki. The first trial is a test of strength.” He placed the trays in front of both of their cells, each had a needle, thread, tweezers, a patch of gauze and small bottle of clear liquid.

“Good luck.” And with a speed that defied logic he pulled out his gun and shot Sousuke in the abdomen, the resulting scream that was wrenched from his friend's throat would haunt Makoto for the rest of his life, but he didn’t have long to dwell on it before his own bullet was ripping its way through him. He might have screamed too, he wasn’t sure, all he could think about was the pain. It was like his skin had been set on fire or doused in acid, he was covered in sweat and panting, black spots began to blot out the dim lights above him.

“Makoto.” Sousuke gasped, the sound grounded him slightly. “You can’t pass out Mako, you have to stitch yourself back up, dig the bullet out if necessary. The test, it’s strength of will.”

The brunette knew his friend was right, the first thing he did was look for an exit wound, but obviously that would’ve been too easy. And so, pushed forward by his friends pained groans he ripped his shirt open, gritting his teeth as a fresh wave of agony hit him. The wound was pulsing sluggishly, and Makoto twisted his shirt before placing it in his mouth and beginning to dig around in his open wound, the blood causing his fingers to slip nauseously in the hole, his screams filling the place, even muffled by the fabric as they were.

                      .                     .                   .

When a pair of underlings entered the room hours later with water and bread, it was to see two metal trays with bloody needles and bullets dug out with fingers placed in front of the cells. The two men were sitting back-to-back against the bars, chests rising with the even breaths of sleep, crude stitches holding together their wounds.

                  .                       .                       .

The second trial was to test their intellect. A line of 8 recruits versus 4 senior Yakuza members, the goal was to reach the bell on the opposite side of the room. It sounded easy enough, but the Yakuza were deadly, trained in several martial arts, paired with the recovery of a bullet wound and nothing but stale bread to eat. Every try for the bell left them weaker and more discouraged.

“They said the test was intelligence but maybe it was teamwork. If we all work together, we could get someone to the bell.” Makoto whispered to Sousuke who looked at him in consideration and then determination.

“Right, I’ll spread the word, we get you to the bell.”

It worked after some convincing, but their victory was short lived, Sasaki killed the remaining six recruits with swift shots to the head.

“You were the only two who utilised the others to their benefit. You can move forward.” But Makoto barely heard him, the lifeless eyes of the men who had trusted him were burned into his eyes.

                    .                     .                    .

The third trial was trust. Sousuke and Makoto had to stand defenceless as 12 high ranking members of the Yakuza took up knives and sliced into the same spot, just over their hearts. The cuts were so deep they had to self-stitch again or risk bleeding out.

The fourth trial was loyalty. They had to make a kill for the Yakuza, Makotos was a dealer who had tried skipping town with his product. Sousuke’s was a John who had been selling information to a rival gang. Neither person was innocent but taking their lives took a piece of both boy’s souls, while also binding them to one another in way that was almost biblical.

The second tattoos they got were the visual confirmation of their joining the ranks of the Yakuza.

2020 – Six Years

It took them over a year and a half to gain enough traction in the group to facilitate an arrest, in that time they pulled the trigger many more times and buried more bodies than they cared to admit.

The one that hurt the most was Kimiko. A young girl Makoto had promised to protect, it turns out he couldn’t keep that promise.

Makoto was often assigned to feed the girls they kept for selling, and occasionally to remove the bodies. They were kept in cramped quarters with no windows or beds and 20 to a room. The girls didn’t necessarily trust Makoto, but he had a kind face so they were less likely to cause trouble for him.

Except Kimiko.

When she arrived, she was only 14 years old, a skinny small thing with matted auburn hair and fierce green eyes. The other members called her feral and kept her in solitary. The first time Makoto was sent to feed her she stabbed him in the shoulder with a shiv she’d fashioned out of a fork, how she had gotten a hold of that Makoto had no idea, but he was impressed by her tenacity.

Unfortunately, the ruckus had caught the attention of a guard, Seiko, who had always made Makoto’s skin crawl with his oily smile and his eyes that lingered too long on the girls. Makoto had been able to cover his wound and come up with an excuse. This began a tentative sort of truce between Kimiko and himself, and so he tried to visit whenever he could. Eventually, he confided in her what he was doing there. They got to know one another quite well, sharing stories of their respective lives before they had wound up there.

He had promised to save her, but by the time the bust went down, and they went to release the girls, Kimiko had been killed in her cell. The body left behind for Makoto to find.

When Makoto and Sousuke returned to their lives they had to wonder if they’d been irreparably damaged by what they’d been through.

2021 – Seven Years

Returning to society after living in the underbelly of it was easy in someways; seeing their family again, reconnecting with their friends, meeting their godson. But in others it wasn’t; the nightmares, knowing that few people could truly understand what they had done and seen, the scars, physical and mental. They found an innate comfort in being together in a way that wasn’t there before, whenever Makoto woke up screaming with green eyes imprinted on his retinas, Sousuke was there and whenever Sousuke’s hand shook too hard to make a coffee, Makoto would step in.

They decided to buy a little house in Shinjuku hoping that something a bit more permanent would help.

                      .                     .                  .

Not too long after their return Nagisa and Rei decided to get married in New Zealand. Nagisa demanded that Makoto be his best-man and Rei bashfully enquired the same of Sousuke who accepted with a thick voice. The two groomsmen’s respective families paid for everything, and the night of the ceremony found Sousuke and Makoto falling into bed together, both desperately needing to feel something good for themselves however fleeting it was.

The rest of the year went by with their routines settling back into place. Work, running, seeing their friends, cooking together.

A break in the monotony happened when Sousuke entered their home with six kittens in his arms, a slightly bemused look on his face, as if he didn’t quite know how he’d gotten there. There were two tabbies, one grey and one ginger, there was one with Siamese colouring, a black, a grey and a brown cat.

“I stopped because the brown one was on the side of the road and because…” Sousuke flushed lightly, averting his gaze. “And because he reminded me of you.”

Makoto smirked.

“Aw Sou, you’re so sweet.”

“Shut the fuck up you smug bastard.” Sousuke grunted, a fierce scowl covering his face but whose effect was dampened greatly by his armful of kittens. “Anyway I went to grab him and then the other five just ambushed me! And I couldn’t leave them!”

The kittens were beginning to wiggle around aggressively trying to reach the floor and explore. They were all clearly strays, obvious by their skeletal frames and matted coats. Makotos heart melted.

“You know the house is a bit dull with just your ugly mug around, I could do with some more stimulating company.” Sousuke replied with an obscene hand gesture as he placed the small creatures down. Makoto laughed fondly at the man.

“Welcome to the family babies- Shut the fuck up Mako.”

                   .                       .                       .

2022 – Eight Years

“Tachibana, Yamazaki. There was a break in at some rich pricks house in Shibuya. He would only give details to the assigned detectives but he sounded like ass on the phone so good luck.”

“Yamazaki?”

Ocean blue eyes unchanged by the years, widened in surprise. Actually nothing had changed it was as if he’d just left the boy at the airport, heart in his throat. Even his voice held that same smooth cadence and he was sure if he got close, he’d smell chlorine and shaving cream.

 But things had changed, Makoto had changed.

“Makoto?”

Chapter Text

Haru was in shock, after years of missing him, months of wondering if they’d bump into each other on the street, Makoto was here on his doorstep. The boy, or man now, appeared the same at first glance but it was like looking at one of those spot the difference pictures, the longer he looked the more changes he saw.

He was just as tall as ever, possibly even taller standing at the same height as Yamazaki. His light brown fringe still hung lightly above his eye-line, but the sides were shorter now, showing off sharp cheekbones. There was a small white scar marring his slightly thinner upper lip and the tease of a second scar under his fringe by his eyebrow. The taller boy also held himself differently, despite his large frame he’d always tried to make himself fade into the background, happy to go unnoticed, but the Makoto in front of him almost begged to be acknowledged. Standing tall and proud, clad in a dark navy shirt, fitted black jeans and most surprisingly a leather jacket that looked well worn. Most different though were the man’s eyes, while still a startling emerald green, they’d lost something, leaving them guarded and distant.

Feeling unsettled, Haru couldn’t figure out what the two were doing here and opened his mouth to ask when he was interrupted by a low voice.

“You called about a break in?”

Haru’s eyes snapped to Yamazaki who had also gathered a few superficial scars on his face. The man seemed almost bored, but his tense shoulders said otherwise. With a small crinkle between his eyebrows, Haru nodded tersely.

“Right, well, I’m Yamazaki and this is my partner Tachibana. We’re the detectives who’ve been assigned to your case.”

Haru couldn’t decide whether he was furious at being treated like a stranger or shocked that Makoto was a police officer. He ended up settling on an odd mixture of both, innately thankful for his natural resting bitch face, as Rin often called it.

“Yes, it’s a stalker, there are some things in bedroom I think you should see. I didn’t touch anything.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Makoto shift and immediately their eyes locked onto each other’s.

An uncomfortable feeling stirred in Haru’s gut when he couldn’t read the others expression.  The feeling grew in intensity as Makoto broke contact to look at Yamazaki and an entire conversation was had that he wasn’t privy too.

Seemingly having come to an understanding Yamazaki turned once again to Haru.

“Right, while I canvas the bedroom and the rest of the house for evidence, my partner will take your statement.” Haru nodded once again and led the way into his house, giving the stoic man directions to his bedroom before heading to the kitchen, a tall, silent shadow trailing behind him.

He immediately went about making a drink as he was in desperate need of a steaming hot cup of tea and his body had automatically started making Makoto’s how he used to take it, with a spoonful of honey, as if it hadn’t been 8 years. Why he even had honey, he didn’t know. With a tight throat he moved to place the tea in front of the man who had taken a seat on the other side of Haru’s modern kitchen island.

“So, we meet again Makoto.” Something flashed deep within the emerald green eyes but it was gone before he could begin to discern it, it was hidden behind a warm, if professional smile.

“Yes, I guess so.” Makoto replied softly, speaking for the first time all night. His voice was lower but other than that virtually unchanged and it warmed Haru more than the tea.

“Right, Mr. Nanase I’ll need you to run me through everything from the moment you got home.” And just like that the warmth was gone, icy flakes of panic swirled in his chest, causing his breath to catch in his throat.

‘Mr. Nanase? You’re supposed to call me Haruka.’ Haru had always hated it when his childhood friend had used his full name but now, he yearned to hear the word cross Makoto’s lips with a ferocity that shocked him. He had to busy himself with his tea so as to drown the words bubbling up within him.

“You... you can call me Haru.” Makoto’s fingers twitched minutely at the comment but kept his steady gaze on Haru waiting for an answer. So, he wasted no time launching into a succinct retelling of how he’d come home to find his front door ajar and had proceeded to check the house before coming across the bedroom and seeing the mess left for him to find. Makoto avidly took down everything he said in a small notebook, only looking up when he mentioned the photos.

“So, you were targeted due to your association with Rin Matsuoka?” Haru didn’t understand what was happening, why Makoto was masking their history behind this professionally polite façade. The raven was slowly coming to the understanding that he’d taken for granted the idea that Makoto would be the exact same person he was eight years ago. Someone who would forgive Haru anything and silently understand him, but the person in front of him was a stranger and he found himself trying to navigate the unknown waters of talking to his old best friend.

“Yes, ever since a magazine publication of the two of us in 2018 was released I’ve dealt with a fair number of stalkers. Usually, they stick to death threats but there has been an increase in incidents since the 2020 Olympics.” At the mention of the Olympics Makotos hand clenched so hard around his pen that his knuckles went white, and the nib was pressed viciously into the paper. The shorter man then noticed the untouched cup of tea in front of the other.

“Makoto…” Haru wasn’t able to finish his sentence as Yamazaki had returned to them, clad in plastic gloves. Makoto moved to his side as if drawn like a magnet and the two had yet another silent discussion that had Haru gritting his teeth and sipping angrily at his now lukewarm drink.

“Nanase I’ve canvassed the bedroom and there are no obvious signs of tampering and no traces of DNA, but I’ve bagged the photos and the knife and hopefully we’ll be able to find some fingerprints or other useable evidence. Do you have security cameras?”

Haru flushed lightly as he looked into Sousuke’s knowing eyes and shook his head. He still had trouble even remembering to lock his door, which is what got him into this mess.

“The street outside should have some cameras.” He muttered sulkily. All of a sudden, the two men were turning and making their way out of the front door and Haru froze in panic.

He couldn’t let Makoto leave. Not again. Not without trying to fix what he broke all those years ago and so his feet moved before his mind had caught up.

“Makoto!” Apparently, his mouth was ahead of his brain as well. Both men had stopped and turned towards him, Yamazaki with suspicion on his face but Makoto with curiosity dancing in his eyes. That more than anything spurred Haru forward to ask his next question.

“Can I have your number? So, we can... get a... coffee?” His voice tapered off uncertainly, forever cementing in his mind why he didn’t initiate conversation with other humans.

Yamazaki moved with an expression that threatened Haru with bodily harm, but Makoto stopped him with the loose circling of his fingers around the others wrist, the touch seemed oddly intimate, but Haru couldn’t focus on that when the green-eyed man was still staring at him curiously.

Makoto stepped forward hand outstretched and Haru placed his phone in the others large palm. A number was typed in with efficiency and the phone was returned, slightly warm from Makotos touch.

“Tomorrow’s my day off. See you later Haru.”  And with that both detectives turned away and walked towards their car leaving Haru feeling both pleased and oddly flustered.

‘He said my name.’

             .                         .                        .

In the police car parked outside Haruka Nanase’s house, two men sat in stunned silence.

The darker one cleared his throat apprehensively.

“You okay Mako?” The man in question startled slightly before giving the other a wry smile. In all honesty Makoto couldn’t figure out quite how he felt, there had been shock at seeing his old friend and for a few moments there had been anger. Anger for never getting a satisfactory explanation, anger at himself for the old throb of a wound he’d thought long healed when Rin was mentioned. But then happiness that Haru seemed to want to reconnect after all this time.

“Yeah, I just wasn’t prepared. I always thought if we saw each other again it would be in a situation where we could talk. I think I overdid it with the professionalism.” Makoto grimaced and caught Sousuke’s concerned eyes shining at him under the glow of the street lamps.

“Seriously Sou, it’s not like I’m still in love with him and it’s not like I’m the same person he knew but he was my best friend and I have missed him.” Makoto tried to pour all his sincerity into his words and watched as Sousuke searched his face for a lie.

“Fine but I reserve the right to hit him if he hurts you.” The words were said in jest but there was a hidden layer of steel in the man’s tone that made them a promise.

Makoto smiled at him softly causing the other man’s ears to flush red and he immediately began to fuss about with turning the car on.

“Also, I’m your best friend.” The comment was muttered quietly and with such a sulky look on his face that Makoto broke out into a loud full bellied laugh before they pulled away from the curb.

               .                            .                           .

Unbeknownst to the two detectives a pair of blue eyes watched them from a lounge window, stomach twisting like a coil of angry snakes as he saw Makoto’s head fall back against his headrest the long line of his throat exposed and eyes crinkled in obvious amusement, even in the dark of night.

What the hell could Yamazaki ever say that would cause that kind of reaction from his old friend.

A soft buzz pulled Harus attention away from the now empty street as he glanced down at his phone, where Rin’s response caused a soft hitch in his breath.

Haru: Yamazaki and Makoto are detectives?

Rin: Yeah. Found out a while ago from Sei. I think they’re dating; they were all over each other at Kou’s wedding.

Makoto and Sousuke? Haru hadn’t even known Makoto swung that way. Surely, he should’ve known something like that? But the more Haru thought back the more he realised he and Makoto had never talked like normal friends. It was always the other boy worrying and accommodating while Haru took it for granted that he was happy like that.

The raven-haired boy felt sick, no wonder Makoto had seemed distant, what had he ever brought to the table in their friendship? He was so consumed with himself and Rin and swimming that he didn’t know something as simple as who his friend liked to date.

His heart throbbed painfully as he pictured Makoto and Yamazaki together, romantically. Was it because he’d been replaced? Or because Yamazaki was actually more to Makoto than he had ever been?

Haru didn’t know but he was resolved to try find a place for himself in Makotos new life, he didn’t want to intrude if he wasn’t welcome. If the other would have him, he’d be there. And this time he wouldn’t screw up.

Starting with tomorrow.

              .                            .                           .

Haru woke the next day after a less than satisfactory sleep, dreams filled with with flashes of physical intimacy between two people he’d rather not think about together.

Once cognisant and situated in his bathtub he thumbed out a quick text to his most recently added number, hands shaking slightly with nervous energy.

Thankfully he didn’t have to wait long for a response, Makoto once again agreed to meet and invited Haru to his house for lunch at 1pm.

Looking at the time Haru decided to start getting ready. Shinjuku wasn’t far from him, but he would still have to catch a train and then find the house. He gave his small blue dolphin one last bop on the nose before draining the bath mournfully.

All in all, it didn’t take nearly as long to find the place as he thought it might due to Makotos incredibly detailed directions and he ended up in front of a quaint two-story house that boasted a colourful garden and a cheerful welcome mat.

Haru spent a few moments dithering anxiously in front of the door before steeling himself and pressing the doorbell, a light jingle could be heard echoing through the house following the action. Then the door opened, and he was greeted with a much more casual Makoto this time. The tall man was barefoot and clad in loose fitting grey sweatpants paired with a soft white T-shirt that hung loosely off his frame, revealing prominent collarbones. Harus stomach swooped uncomfortably at the sight of them.

A pair of dark framed glasses sat crookedly on his nose and Haru itched with the urge to fix them.

“Haru! Come in, come in!” The words were accompanied by a warm smile that had his knees feeling slightly weak, but he managed to cross the threshold without collapsing on himself. The front door led to a spacious open plan interior, he was stood in a foyer that melded seamlessly into a modern looking kitchen on his left and on his right was a sprawling living space, in front of him were carpeted stairs leading to the upper level.

“Did you find the place okay?” Green eyes peered down at him in concern and Haru could have cried. Makoto was acting much friendlier than yesterday so maybe all was not lost, maybe he really could fix things.

“Yeah, your directions were very thorough.” At his response Makoto let out a delighted laugh, eyes crinkling with amusement.  

“Sorry it’s a habit I’ve developed for Sou, he wouldn’t be able to find his foot without a map.”

Sou.

The nickname and the amount of fondness it was uttered with set something ugly off in Haru, but he was saved from responding by an aggressive growl. Looking down he saw a small grey cat with blue eyes standing almost protectively in front of Makoto. The cat would’ve been cute, but Haru swore it was frowning at him.

“It’s okay little Sousuke, it’s just Haru.” Makoto crooned at the grumpy looking cat before scooping it up into his large arms like a mother cradling her baby. Haru stared flabbergasted at the other man.

“Little… Sousuke?” The question prompted quite the flattering blush to creep up Makotos face, he looked bashful, and the expression was so familiar that everything in Haru ached at the sight of it.

“Oh. Yeah. Well, we have six and Sousuke wanted to name one after me and then we decided why not include the whole gang.” Haru clocked the double use of we but decided to bench that question for later, mostly because Makoto was leading him to a large cat tree he hadn’t noticed at first, but also because he really didn’t want to know the answer.

“Over here we have little Nagisa and little Rei. Little Nagisa likes to bully little Rei, but they’re attached at the hip.” True to his words, two tabbies, one orange and one grey lay intertwined on one of the upper tree platforms. The orange one was chewing on the others tail, who seemed resigned to let it happen.

Haru let out a snort of amusement. Little Nagisa and Rei indeed.

“This one is little Rin, he’s quite prickly at first but he’s actually quite the needy little thing.”

In a small cubby hole lay a pretty cat with Siamese colouring who was glaring at Makoto as if he’d understood the words and was not impressed. Another sound that was suspiciously close to a laugh escaped Haru and he brought out his phone to photograph the cat and send it to big Rin.

“You’ve obviously met little Sou, he only really likes me, oh and there’s little Mako!” Using one arm to cradle the grey cat that was attached to him like a limpet, purring wildly, he used the other to point out the smallest cat yet. A tiny little brown cat with startling green eyes stared at Haru like a deer trapped in headlights before shooting off to hide under the couch.

“He’s a little shy around strangers.” Haru stared at the couch fondly, promising silently that he would gain the trust of Makoto’s animal namesake.

“And last but not least we have little Haruka.” The sound of his full name falling from those lips sent a thrill of electricity through Haru, especially coupled with the unfiltered adoration the syllables were uttered with. That is until Haru was led to the kitchen sink where a dainty black cat lay in the currently dry basin, a single blue eye opened to glare at them lazily before it closed again.

Right, Makoto was talking about the cat. Great now he was jealous of an animal who had his name.

“We called her that not just because of the colouring but also because she actually loves the water, she’ll sit in the sink until one of us fills it up.” As if to demonstrate the truth of his words Makoto turned the tap on lightly, keeping his fingers under the stream to make sure it didn’t get too hot.

Little Haruka stretched onto her stomach instantly to allow the water to cover her fully and Haru’s heart began to melt, when something clicked.

“She?” The question was asked with a deadly soft tone and Makotos earlier blush returned at full force as he took an involuntary step back from Harus glare.

“Well, aha, she’s actually the only girl.”

Haru held his glare for a moment longer before turning his head and sniffing in a haughty manner.

“Well at least she has excellent taste.” The basin now had a shallow covering of water and so Makoto moved to turn the tap off while the cat (he would not be calling her little Haruka) lay in the puddle as happy as a clam.

Laughing at Harus earlier comment the tall man placed a disgruntled little Sousuke down (seriously he hated these names) and began bustling around the kitchen.

“So, I was thinking we could have Mackerel curry rice for lunch? The mackerel is usually just for the cats as a treat, but we can make use of it today.” As he said this, he had slipped into a small side room that Haru assumed was a bathroom given how the others voice echoed slightly and a faucet started running.   

Haru himself was split between being pleased that their meal was going to include his favourite food and offended that it was only used for the cats.

While Makoto started preparing the food, he regaled the raven with many stories over the years. Some were from college, some were from weddings, some were from his academy days but every single one included Sousuke. It grated on his nerves and had him gritting his teeth to prevent the less than tactful questions slipping loose. Despite this he enjoyed hearing the smooth cadence of Makoto’s voice and also being updated on his old school friends' lives. Quicker than he had expected a warm plate of mackerel curry had been placed in front of him, although he hadn’t exactly been paying attention to the process. He had seen Makoto slip the cats now surrounding his feet some fish though.

Haru took a wary bite of his food, remembering Makotos skills in the kitchen when they were younger, but was pleasantly surprised to taste a well-seasoned curry – if a little heavy on the spice. A glass of water was placed in front of him.

“Since when can you cook?” As soon as he spoke, he wished he could somehow gain the ability to turn back time, but Makotos expression stayed pleasant, the only tell of discomfort being the slight tightening of his eyes.

“When Sousuke and I roomed in university together we both realised pretty quickly we couldn’t live off take out and so with lots and trial and error we taught ourselves to do the basics.” An opportunity had arisen for Haru to ask one of the many questions buzzing around his head like a swarm of bees.

“So, you and Sousuke, you’re close?” He spoke the words tentatively so as not to reveal his bitterness. Makoto looked at him as if it was written all over his face.

“Well yeah it started in university we just got really close living together and we’ve just never stopped. We’ve been through a lot together, more than most people do in a lifetime. I couldn’t imagine myself without him.”

The words were infused with such fondness and love that Haru thought he’d be sick, the snakes were back in his stomach and were wrapping around his intestines, crushing him from the inside out.

“Enough about me though, how about you? How come you’re back in Japan?” Makotos gaze was inquisitive and Haru was beyond relieved for the subject change.

“Well after I quit swimming, I moved here and started culinary school.”

“You quit swimming?!” Makoto looked shocked, mouth agape and eyes bugging slightly. It would have amused Haru if he wasn’t so confused.

“You didn’t know? It was all over the news after the 2020 Olympics.” Once again at the mention of the event Makotos reaction was visceral, his hand clenched around his chopsticks and his eyes gained a particularly haunted look. Haru couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

“No, I guess I was busy that year. Why did you quit?” The other boys voice was rough as if trying to suppress whatever emotion he was feeling.

“I didn’t feel free.” At this, Makoto cracked a small smile.

“You really never change, do you Haru.” This was uttered so quietly Haru wasn’t sure he was even meant to have caught it. “But culinary school that’s great! You know you’ll have to make something other than Mackerel, right?”

The comment was paired with a teasing smile, Makotos composure having returned in force. The raven sniffed again as if to say I’m aware, but I don’t agree.

“What about Rin? Surely you guys miss each other.” This time it was Makotos turn to tiptoe around a subject although why he would need to Haru didn’t know.

“Actually, it’s impossible to get rid of him, he’s needier than before.” It was intended as a joke but something bordering on angry flashed across the others face and another quiet comment was uttered under his breath.

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at getting rid of people.”

And so, the proverbial elephant in the room finally made an appearance. Guilt slapped Haru with the force of a physical hit and he opened his mouth to apologise.

“Makoto I-“.

“No Haru, I’m sorry that was uncalled for.” Makoto looked ashamed, despite having no reason to as far as Haru was concerned. “I’m over it I swear, people grow apart and that’s life. It just took me a bit longer to get there than you did.”

Haru felt ill with the wrongness of his words. He wanted to tell the other that he’d never drifted, never stopped missing him. That he’d made a stupid selfish mistake and wanted to fix it, that Makoto would always be a part of who he was. That he finally understood what he’d meant when he said it was meaningless without him. But before he could, he was interrupted by the opening of a door and a familiar if unwelcome voice.

“Honey I’m home!” Yamazaki’s voice was filled with a mocking lightheartedness that Haru had never heard before from the man before. Makoto snorted in response moving to place their now empty plates by the sink that still held a very pleased wet cat.

Sousuke had his back to the kitchen as he placed his bag of what looked like seeds and potting soil down and bent to remove his shoes.

“Mum called, she wants us to come over for dinner soon, then Ran said she would be in Tokyo for a tournament next weekend and if you don’t come, she’ll knock you out. She can do it too I taught her everything she knows.” The last part was said with a certain amount of smugness, and this time Makoto let out a sharp laugh that Haru was unfamiliar with.

The whole comment made Haru uncomfortable. Mum? Had Yamazaki meant his own mother? But no, then he’d mentioned Ran with a brotherly affection that rivalled Makotos own. His head was spinning with the meaning of this.

“Please Sou, if she learnt from you then I have nothing to worry about, last I counted I was pulling ahead with our sparring contest.” Makoto grinned teasingly as he spoke, clearly anticipating a certain response from the other and he was not disappointed. Yamazaki whipped around, a surly look, that Haru refused to call a pout, on his face.

“Listen here you little- Oh. Nanase.” And just like that all playfulness disappeared from the taller man’s countenance at the sight of Haru, his trademark bored mask settling comfortably on his face.

“Yamazaki.” Haru responded similarly to his cool greeting, meeting the others steady teal gaze head on.

“Geez guys tone down the love, I haven’t even made the friendship bracelets yet.” At Makotos comment Yamazaki turned to him, lips twitching with the urge to smile. Haru watched him communicate with Makoto silently before moving further away, the brunette trailing behind.

The two stood within his range of sight but out of ear shot, only soft murmurings floated back to Haru. As Haru watched them he saw how in synch they were, when Yamazaki shifted Makoto moved with him, unconsciously, like a star orienting itself to the pull of a planet's gravity. Yamazaki raised his hand to Makotos shoulder thumb slotting solidly into the hollow of his clavicle as if it belonged there, the one being touched relaxed visibly.

The touch was inconsequential, nothing in the grand scheme of things but Haru couldn’t take his eyes off the small divot of skin where Yamazaki’s thumb was hooked. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he had never touched that spot on Makoto, about how many other places on Makoto there were he hadn’t touched, that Yamazaki probably had.

The snakes in his stomach were gone, replaced by something that festered within him, infecting him with some vile emotion that he did not want to name. He had to leave immediately.

Thankfully he hadn’t removed his shoes and so all he had to do was walk to the door but both men noticed his sudden movement. Makoto spoke softly looking at him with anxious green eyes. He had moved forward detaching himself from Yamazaki, but Haru’s eyes were still drawn to the spot where his collarbone, neck and shoulder all collided to create a perfect thumb shaped cavity.

“Are you okay Haru?” It must be some sick cosmic joke that the other could still read him so well while he was left floundering. Karma for abandoning someone so selfless.

“Yes, I just remembered I have to do some grocery shopping before I go home.” Haru willed the other to believe him and although Makoto didn’t look convinced, he acquiesced all the same.

“Okay Haru, text me when you’re home safe?” Harus heart thumped loudly at the request and nodded, not trusting his mouth to say the correct thing and his voice not to shake. Blue eyes locked onto green for a moment, before the connection was broken and Haru was out the door, inhaling lungfuls of fresh air as if he had run a marathon.

He was barely down the steps when the front door opened then closed again and a cold voice called out.

“Nanase.” Haru stopped and turned, regarding the other quietly, the taller man had an oddly determined look on his face.

“Listen Nanase, I’ve never liked you, but Makoto does, and he believes this bullshit about you wanting to reconnect is real. So, I’ve got to say this now.” Yamazaki took in a long breath before continuing. “You better be serious about being back in his life, because you broke his fucking heart eight years ago and I won’t let you do it again, especially since you had Rin do your dirty work.”

A fresh wave of guilt enveloped Haru, but the comment about Rin confused him. Something must’ve shown on his face because Yamazaki caught it, teal eyes widening in surprise.

“You didn’t know?” Yamazaki dry washed his face, muffling a disbelieving laugh. “Which means you were gonna leave him without an explanation. Fuck you really are a piece of work Nanase. What he ever saw in you I’ll never know.”

The words triggered something in Haru but it was drowned out quickly by the shame, Yamazaki was right. He’d never deserved Makoto before.

“Whatever his bad taste, I guess. But let me make one thing perfectly clear to you now Nanase. If you’re not serious about being in his life again, if you plan on pulling that same disappearing act in a few years, then don’t come back at all. I’ll get your case reassigned. Because if you fucking hurt him, if you make him cry again, I swear I’ll kill you.” It was the most he had ever heard the other talk and the words were uttered quietly but with a sincerity that chilled Haru to his core. He didn’t doubt for a moment that Yamazaki was boasting an empty threat. It almost seemed like he had killed before.

With his piece said, the taller man turned away.

“I won’t.”

He stopped, eerily still as if holding his breath in anticipation of more.

“Leave. I won’t leave again. I promise.” There was another pause where Harus words seemed to sit like an oath between them, binding the two to each other inexplicably. Then Yamazaki was gone leaving Haru to his extremely confused emotions.

              .                          .                           .

“Yo Haru what’s up?” Rin’s voice rang tinnily from Harus crappy phone speakers while he wallowed in the bath.

“Did you message Makoto about me?” Haru cut quickly to the point, refusing to get dragged into pointless smalltalk.

“Huh? What? Makoto?” Haru could practically feel Rin’s confusion, but he had no patience for it right now.

“Eight years ago.”

The sudden silence, filled only by mild static from the overseas call, was all the confirmation he needed.

“Why?” At the utterance Rin exploded.

“Oh, come on Haru. You needed the space but were too much of a bitch to ask for it and let’s be honest the poor guy deserved some explanation after doting on you for 17 years. I was jus-“. Rin’s voice was cut off as Haru ended the call and sunk below the waterline staring up at the ceiling through the rippling movement of the water.

But it did not calm him. Yamazaki’s voice was echoing mercilessly in his head.

You broke his heart.

You’re a piece of work.

If you make him cry again.

What did he see in you?

Haru broke the surface as his need for air became too great. As he gasped, he became aware of the light trickle of tears rolling down his face, dripping to mingle with the cooling waters of the bath. While the small, plastic dolphin bobbed silently at him.

Chapter Text

It had been just under a week since Haru had dolphin kicked his way back into Makotos life. It was about 6pm on Friday, Sousuke and he had just wrapped up an arson case that had been vexing them for a few weeks.

While Sousuke filed the paperwork it left Makoto to think about Haru in a way he hadn’t allowed himself since the man had been in his house and ate his food. The two had exchanged casual conversation through text since then, which had shocked Makoto initially, remembering the others aversion to technology. Especially as Haru had been the one to initiate most of these interactions, mostly just to enquire about Makotos family.

The brunette was happy to inform his old friend about how his parents were doing and even happier to play proud big brother when telling the other man how the twins were both set to attend Samezuka University on sports scholarships as long as they kept their grades up, having been scouted early in their respective fields.

It was when the questions moved to himself that he began to feel uncomfortable. He was still smarting from the embarrassment of not knowing Haru had quit swimming, because the raven had been right. The coverage of Haru leaving the professional world of swimming after winning three gold medals at the Olympics had been everywhere, Makoto had barely finished typing in Haru’s name before every google suggestion finished with some variation of the news. But how did he tell Haru that he hadn’t known because he was probably beating someone who didn’t deserve it on Sasaki’s orders. Or because he had to stand by as girls were kidnapped and imprisoned because helping prematurely would’ve compromised the operation. As an officer, Makoto kept his humanity, he went about his job with the same compassion he approached everything else but while with the Yakuza he’d relinquished a part of his soul to save those girls.

The Makoto Haru had known, the one he was probably expecting to find, couldn’t have hurt so much as a butterfly. This one had pulled the trigger more times than he could count, who occasionally screamed himself awake and couldn’t quite manage to rid himself of the ghost of a small girl with fire for hair and steel in her eyes.

So, Makoto steered the conversation away from himself as often and as subtly as he could. Haru would never see his darkness if he could help it, despite having moved on he didn’t think his heart could take how those blue eyes would look at him if he knew the truth.

To distract himself from the turn his thoughts had taken he picked up Harus case file. It was woefully thin due to the lack of evidence they had managed to find. All the partials came back with nothing, and there had been no other genetic evidence left around. Even the knife had no DNA left on it, despite Harus instance that he’d been through this before something about it rankled at Makoto. A knife through a dolphin was a pretty clear death threat if he’d ever seen one.

Then there was the knife itself, Haru had said it was a simple kitchen knife but had never clarified if it was his. Makoto had a feeling it wasn’t, he wasn’t the best cook around but even he knew that the knife had been too well balanced, and the brand name had been scratched off.

A hand came down loudly on the desk in front of him, startling Makoto out of his thoughts. His green eyes followed the arm attached to the hand up to a very familiar face.

“Wanna go to Zoetrope? Rei and Nagisa are on their way there now.” Sousuke’s teal eyes seemed to be searching for something in Makotos and whatever he found appeared to placate him, as he turned around to sign out without waiting for a response, the other man quickly followed suit.

Makoto was more than ready for a drink.

                  .                         .                          .

Zoetrope was a small, hole in the wall bar close to their station in Shinjuku. It was an intimate place with wooden panelling and low lighting. It was owned by old man Ichiro who greeted all his regulars with a warm smile. This, more than anything solidified the place as a regular meeting place for the gang, that, and its extensive variety of whiskeys.

It being a Friday meant the place was a little busier than usual but nothing that could affect the ambience of the bar. By the time Sousuke and Makoto had arrived, Rei and Nagisa were already seated at their usual booth that was sequestered in the corner, seats covered in a plush burgundy velveteen.

Rei had hardly changed since high school, except his hair was usually gelled back and he was very often seen sporting a sleek suit. His red glasses were still a staple of his attire although they were a much more expensive pair, which made sense as he was earning quite a bit as the head researcher at his job. Nagisa often boasted that his husband was well on the way to owning the company, but Rei didn’t let that go to his head, he was still someone who appreciated beauty and blushed scarlet at Nagisas teasing.

The blonde hadn’t changed in terms of personality, bubbly and enthusiastic about all aspects of life. But physically he had grown, he was on par with Rei height wise though his general physique had stayed quite thin. His face had also lost the last of its baby fat that had clung stubbornly to his cheeks throughout high school and some of college, leaving a sharp mature looking Nagisa behind that occasionally still threw Makoto for a loop.

“Mako-chan! Sou-chan!” The man called loudly from across the bar, waving at them wildly, causing every head in the place to turn in their direction. The men being addressed chuckled lightly as they watched Rei try to temper his husband's fervour, with little to no success.

After ordering a round of their usual drinks, whiskey neat, and catching up quickly with Ichiro, Makoto and Sousuke made their way over to the the booth. Nagisa predictably wrapped them each in a hug that would make a viper jealous, and Rei greeted them both with an exasperated nod and a small smile. The first hour was spent in high spirits as Rei spoke excitedly about a new project he was working on, that no one understood in the slightest and Nagisa regaled them with exciting stories of his underwater photography, including an incident involving a very friendly octopus that was no bigger than his hand latching on to him while he was trying to take its picture.

Makoto had especially enjoyed that story and going by the twinkle in Sousuke’s eyes he had too. They were all very vocal in their lament at the lack of Kou for the evening as well but with Seijuurou away for a meet, she’d had to stay home with Ryuji. This didn’t stop Nagisa from snapping a picture of the four of them to send to the younger woman which she was quick to reply to with lots of emojis and a picture of her adorable red headed four-year-old. Eventually the conversation turned to them, Sousuke was quick to retell any and all of the cats' antics since the last time they had all been together, the liquor having done the job of making him more comfortable in the social setting.

“Haru’s back.” Makoto said, addressing the topic with the grace of a bull in a china shop and looking into his glass as if it held the answers of the universe. Due to this he missed the knowing look that was shared between Nagisa and Rei, but Sousuke didn’t.

“What?” He demanded; all thoughts of their cats gone in the face of this new subject. A subject he heavily detested.

“Well… Rei-chan and I both knew Haru had moved back. It was all over the internet while you guys were… gone.” Everyone at the table grimaced. “But he never reached out, so we didn’t want to say anything.” Nagisa sounded so nervous about possibly upsetting them that Makoto looked up at him with a soft smile, hoping to settle the younger man’s anxiety.

“Did he reach out to you Makoto?” Rei questioned tentatively immediately seeming to regret his question as Makoto flinched and Sousuke tensed.

“No, he didn’t. We responded to a call, and it was him. Pure coincidence.” Sousuke responded in a clipped tone, anger lacing his words. Makoto pushed his knee against the other mans under the table and felt him relax slightly. Sousuke had been even more taciturn about Haru ever since the other man had been at their house, Makoto knew there was something his friend was keeping from him but had decided to wait. Sousuke never sat on these things for long.

“But we have been talking since and it’s been nice.” Makoto explained trying to reassure the table as a whole that he was fine. Rei and Sousuke looked at him with uncertainty, but it was Nagisas sharp eyes that made him feel as though he was translucent.

“You should invite him to your birthday Mako-chan! It’s in a few weeks and I personally would love to see Haru again.” The comment was said with his usual verve and excitement but there was an undercurrent of calculation to his words that caused a mild unease in Makoto.

“I agree Makoto. It would be good to see Haruka again.” Rei chimed in, pushing his glasses further up his nose so that the lenses flashed ominously as they caught the reflection of the lights. Sousuke looked positively gleeful at this turn of events, sipping smugly at his scotch as if everything was coming together.

“I uhm I’ll see if he’s free.” Makoto wasn’t sure if he was being completely honest though, he suddenly feared for Harus life in a way that didn’t involve his stalker.

“But you guys can’t give him a hard time, it’s in the past. I’ve moved on.”

The three men around him spoke in unison.

“Of course not.”

Makoto didn’t believe a single one of them, draining his glass before immediately moving to order another one. It was necessary to survive the night.

                .                            .                           .

After the topic of Haru had been retired the rest of the evening passed without incident, except for Nagisa increasing in volume the more he drank. By the time Makoto and Sousuke got home they were both exhausted after the combination of a long work week and alcohol. With merely a grunt towards the other, the two men split off towards their separate rooms, Makoto stripped himself of his clothes with an efficiency that rivalled Harus and was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

Unfortunately, exhaustion wasn’t enough to stop the nightmares.

Makoto was drowning again. The waves were crashing into him relentlessly, throwing his body around like it was nothing more than a rag doll. The cold was so intense it felt like a million different needles attacking his nervous system, but he couldn’t catch a breath to cry out in pain.

He couldn’t tell which way was up much less how to save himself. Suddenly something solid bumped into him and he clung to it like a lifeline, gulping in air greedily while he could. Looking down Makoto saw it was a body, one of the men who had followed his lead in the bell test. His skin was mottled and grey, bloated by the water, eyes glassy and unseeing.

The roiling attack of the sea stopped abruptly, there wasn’t so much as a ripple except for Makoto as he recoiled in horror from the body, he had been using to keep him above the surface, but he didn’t go far. Hands reached up from the depths of the ocean to claw at his skin and drag him down. He tried to fight but there were too many and he was pulled further into the darkness surrounded by the ghoulish faces of those he had failed. He tried to scream but all he got was a lungful of water, metallic and sharp in his mouth like the taste of blood. As he drowned a final face floated to the forefront of his vision, one of a young girl who was reaching for him, pleading with him to help her but he couldn’t move. Couldn’t save her.

With a start Makoto woke, lurching to an upright position, startling little Sousuke and little Haru who had been asleep beside him. He was panting as if he had run a marathon, skin slick with sweat and trembling aggressively as he moved to push his hair back from his forehead. The inside of his mouth still tasted like blood, and he probed around tentatively with his tongue until he found a tender patch of skin that he’d clearly bitten into.

Makoto applied some of the breathing techniques his old therapist had taught him, after he had returned to the force, to try and slow his erratic heartbeat. Once he felt steadier, he swung his legs off his bed to make his way downstairs, followed by the pitter patter of tiny paws. As he descended into the lower level of the house in nothing but his boxers the sound of a running tap reached his ears from the kitchen area.

When he reached the sound, he saw the familiar sight of Sousuke stood by the basin washing his hands with an aggression he saved solely for himself. Sousuke had his own regrets and traumas from their time undercover.

There had been a man he’d often been paired with for errands, Yukihiro, or Yuki as he’d preferred to be addressed. Yuki had been born into the Yakuza, with no chance at a different life, he had been a caring man, soft spoken but with a sharp wit about him that often left Sousuke tongue tied, much to Makotos amusement. The man had never wanted to be in a gang, but he couldn’t get away, he was stuck, Sousuke and he had formed a friendship of sorts, but Makoto had always suspected that his friend felt something more for Yuki. When the bust went down Sousuke had wanted to get Yuki out, help him move forward in life but the previously gentle man had felt betrayed and fought to kill. In the fight Sousuke had ended up impaling the other man with his own knife and held him as he died. Makoto knew Sousuke washed his hands methodically after every nightmare to try and rid himself of the blood he believed still coated his hands.

The brunette approached his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder that was also bare of clothing.

“Sousuke.” The man didn’t move or turn around, but he did still his hands under the stream of water.

“Why don’t you go put on a movie. I’ll make us something to drink.” Sousuke nodded imperceptibly and turned to look at Makoto, placing his large hand on top of the one resting on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly in thanks. His teal eyes were red rimmed and full of a pain that caused Makoto to hurt right along with his friend.

The brunette went through the motions of making tea for the two of them, at times like this he couldn’t help but think if the operation had been worth what it had done, not just to him but to a person he loved. In the end though Sousuke and he both agreed that the girls had been worth the damage they had gone through, though what others would call collateral damage they called tragedies.

When he had two piping hot beverages ready for consumption, he carried them swiftly but carefully into the lounge where Sousuke had one of their favourite comfort movies on standby, surrounded by a large fluffy blanket and all six of their cats. The sight eased the ache in Makotos soul.

The two sat side by side, sipping at their tea and listening to the beautiful score from Howls Moving Castle. It wasn’t until Sophie was heading off after seeing Lottie, that Sousuke spoke.

“I spoke to Nanase when he came over.” The man kept his voice low like he was expecting a reprimand, but Makoto had already expected as much. When no reproach came, Sousuke continued.

“He didn’t know Rin had messaged you.” Makoto stared unseeingly at the screen, absorbing the implication of Sousuke’s words. If Haru didn’t know Rin had emailed him that meant he’d planned to leave him without a single warning or explanation. The scar tissue on his heart that was Haru throbbed anew.

It seemed like no matter how long it had been and how much he believed he had moved on, Haru could still cause him pain. It seemed like such a trivial thing to feel hurt over given everything he had been through, but Makoto feared that the boy with ocean eyes that he had once loved with his entire being would always have a hold on him.

Nothing else was said between the two men as the movie continued both just thankful that the other was there for these moments.

                   .                         .                        .

Makoto didn’t reply to Haru for the rest of the weekend, the new knowledge was too fresh in his mind, and he needed to take a breather. So, when he received a call on Monday night from the man, as he was finishing up his shift, he nearly ignored it, but something stopped him.

“Haru?”

“Makoto, I think I’m being followed.” The words that were spoken in a rushed whisper caused Makoto to snap to attention, eyes searching quickly for Sousuke.

“Where are you?” Once he had caught Sousuke’s gaze he immediately grabbed his keys and moved to the doors, the other man quick on his heels, no explanation necessary.

“I’m near the station, I’ve just gone down the side street by the 7 eleven, but I think it’s a dead end.” Sousuke and he were in the car and moving towards his location. Harus voice sounded as unbothered as ever but there was a tension to his words that betrayed his fear.

“Makoto I’m trapped I don’t-“. The other man’s words were cut off by a clatter and Makoto assumed the phone had been dropped, possibly in a scuffle and his hands tightened on the steering wheel, knuckles straining white.

It was another agonising ten seconds before they turned into the side street, it was a narrow, bricked alley, cut off halfway by a chain link fence. In front of the fence illuminated by the headlights were two figures, a tall shadow, clad in black with his hands wrapped around the smaller one.

He and Sousuke were out of the car in a heartbeat, guns raised. Makoto knew neither man could shoot though, not with Haru so close to the target.

“Police! Hands up!” The shadow, presumably a man, turned with a speed he didn’t expect and all he caught was a flash of silver before there was a searing pain embedded in his right shoulder.

He didn’t have time to think about it though as the figure turned again and vaulted over the gate like freaking Spider-Man or something.

“Mako! Are-“

“Forget about me! Go after them.” He could see Sousuke grit his teeth in frustration, clearly unhappy with the order, but then the other man turned and climbed the fence with much less grace. Makoto then focused his attention on Haru who was on his knees in front of the fence gasping lightly.

The taller man moved forward ignoring the burn in his arm and knelt in front of the raven. He used his good hand to lift his chin gently and inspected his neck, which still had the imprints of someone else’s fingers painted across his skin.

Haru was looking at Makoto in horror as the other man probed softly at the affected area. And Makoto recoiled inwardly at thought of hurting him more.

“I’m sorry Haru does it hurt?” He kept his voice low as if trying not to spook a feral cat.

“It’s tender but it’s not me I’m worried about, Makoto there’s a knife in your shoulder!” Harus voice was a little raspy but overall, it sounded like no severe damage had been done to his vocal cords, he’d probably only come away with minor bruising. Sighing in relief, green eyes met worried blue ones.

“Believe it or not, this is hardly the worse thing that’s happened to me.” It had been meant as a joke but the concern in Haru’s eyes only grew, it was in that moment Makoto realised how close they were, he could see every shade of blue in the others irises, he also hadn’t moved his hand from Harus neck, the light flutter of his heartbeat thrummed against his fingertips. His eyes took in everything from the light speckle of freckles over Harus nose, to the damp tendrils of hair that hung in his face, the other man having clearly not learnt any better towelling habits over the years.

Makoto was drowning in the smell of chlorine and aftershave, a smell so familiar that he was transported right back to his seventeen-year-old self, a boy with no struggles other than that of being hopelessly in love with his best friend. As he crouched in front of Haru, fighting with his emotions, it occurred to him dimly that Haru was just as frozen as he was, he didn’t even think the man was breathing.

The moment was broken as footsteps approached them and Makoto moved away with a cough, holding out a hand to help Haru to his feet. The movement was so ingrained, that it took him a moment to realise why the other man was staring at his hand as if Makoto had offered him a lifeline. After a beat Haru took his hand with his own colder one and an old but familiar comfort enveloped Makoto.

“I lost the bastard; he scaled a wall like a freaking superhero or something.” Sousuke’s voice rang out from the mouth of the alleyway behind Makoto and the brunette turned to look at his friend.

“Why don’t you fill us in on what happened Nanase, while I stitch this idiot up.”

Haru looked disbelievingly between the two officers, shock turning to horror as Makoto pulled the knife out himself, after donning a latex glove. He then slipped his arm out of his shirt and used his jacket to soak up any blood as Sousuke retrieved the first aid kit from the car.

“Shouldn’t you go to the hospital?” Makoto shared a humorous look with Sousuke before addressing Haru softly.

“It’s okay Haru, Sou has experience with this.”  The raven still looked unconvinced but launched into his recount of what happened, how he had gone to the pool after college and after leaving he had noticed he was being followed continuously by a tall figure. He faltered once in his retelling, when Makoto hissed as Sousuke disinfected his wound, his hand jolting as if he had considered reaching for his old friend.

“He had a mask on, but he was definitely male, he just kept saying ‘he’s mine’.”

“Rin, again.” Sousuke muttered darkly. “Did he go for anywhere other than your neck?” Haru shook his head, rubbing his neck in almost subconscious motion.

Sousuke finished with stitching his wound and Makoto slipped his shirt back on over his shoulder.

“Right well we can safely assume this is the same person who broke into your house given the motive and because the knife is the same, seems they must be from the same set.”

“I knew it was too well balanced to be a kitchen knife, didn’t expect to be proven right by having on stuck in me though.” Sousuke laughed at Makotos slight whine, but Haru just frowned at them both.

“Listen Nanase I’m going to recommend you have a uniformed officer on you for the foreseeable future,’. Haru nodded as if he expected as much while Sousuke continued. ‘And I think you should stay with us for now.”

Makoto and Haru both stared at the other man as if he had grown a second head. The brunette pulled his friend further away and spoke to him lowly.

“Are you sure Sou? Isn’t it a conflict of interest?” The dark-haired man just looked at his friend levelly, placing a large hand on his uninjured shoulder.

“Mako it was a conflict of interest the moment he opened the door. And you can’t honestly tell me you’re okay with him staying in his house alone after this.” Makoto had to look away from his friends knowing gaze. With the adrenaline of everything he hadn’t really let himself acknowledge how scared he was for Haru. How angry he felt that someone had put their hands him. How frustrated he was with himself for allowing it to happen. But those feelings were all there like some toxic concoction curdling in his chest.

Sousuke gave his shoulder a squeeze before moving away towards the smaller man.

“So Nanase what do you say?”

Haru looked carefully between the two officers one of whom he could barely stand and the other who he missed with his entire being.

“Do you have a bath?”

                  .                          .                         .

After assuring Haru that they did indeed own a bath, a beautiful deep-set tub that Makoto loved, the two of them drove to Harus house. Dropping Sousuke off at the station so he could log the evidence and file an incident report.

Once at Harus it didn’t take the other man long to pack up a few clothes and belongings. Makoto was once again struck by how barren the house was, almost like one of those show room models with their clinical cleanliness and bland art, bare of any knickknacks and items that made a house a home.

Makoto was pulled out of his musings when he noticed Haru stood in front of his freezer, an expression of intense debate on his face. The brunette laughed; he’d never understood how people could call Haru emotionless, his thoughts were always scrawled across his face in plain text for Makoto.

“You can bring your Mackerel Haru, we won’t feed it to the cats.” The raven pouted at him before a odd look flit through his eyes.

“You can still read me.” His voice was quiet but full of an emotion he was hesitant to place, because it almost sounded like longing.

“Well, it’s my job to read people.” He’d meant it lightly, to dissipate the tension in the air but a much clearer emotion was present on Harus face now; hurt. Makoto blamed his stupid aching heart with its inability to see Haru in pain for his next words.

“But I don’t think I could ever lose the ability to read you Haru.” Makoto fiddled with the cuffs of his jacket to avoid the piercing blue stare he knew was being levelled at him.

“Makoto I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to you. It wasn’t right. I had my reasons at one point but they don’t seem good enough anymore, maybe they never were. But I miss you and I’m sorry.” The words were spoken quickly as if he was worried Makoto would try to stop him and they forced his gaze up where he saw, the sincerity in Haru’s words in every aspect of his countenance.

He wanted to say what he always said, that he forgave him, that he’d gotten over it, moved on. But something him stopped him this time, possibly the desire to genuinely fix their relationship which he couldn’t do if he lied.

“You broke my heart Haru, I would’ve stood by you through anything.” He watched as the raven flinched and fought the instinct to swallow down his next words.

“But it’s more than that, my life has changed so much, I’ve changed. And as much as I want to forgive you I can’t yet, because I don’t trust you not to do it again.” Haru looked stricken for a moment seeming to struggle with a response.

Makoto felt awful but he knew if there was any chance for true reconciliation, he needed to be honest about how he felt, at least in regard to this. Haru then seemed to steel himself, standing tall and looking directly into Makotos eyes with a determination he usually reserved only for swimming, it was a look that Makoto had loved deeply.

“Then I’ll earn your trust. I’m not leaving you ever again Makoto, I swear it on my grandmother.” The brunette was in shock, mouth open, eyes wide, breath stopping shock. He knew how much Haru had adored his grandmother and so such a promise was one Makoto knew he’d take to the grave.

His throat was thick with emotion and his green eyes gained a glossy sheen as they filled up with unshed tears.

“Right. I look forward to it Haru.”

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since Haru had moved into the Yamazaki/Tachibana residence, and things were odd to say the least. Haru had meant what he’d said to Makoto about regaining his trust. Hearing his oldest and closest friend admit to his pain was something Haru had never seen the other do before, it had broken something in Haru, and he was desperate to fix it. Makoto should never be sad; he was designed to carry a warm smile and soft eyes with him wherever he went, so seeing that fundamental truth challenged, shook Haru to his core and caused his chest to ache with an emotion he couldn’t place.

But Yamazaki was always there. Haru hadn’t been able to get Makoto alone for more than two seconds at a time before his guard dog appeared, frowning and growling like his furry counterpart had the first time the raven had been over. If Haru was being honest with himself though it was kind of a relief, because he had no idea where to begin his journey of redemption, thinking back to their days of friendship Haru was forced to conclude that he hadn’t ever made much of an effort where Makoto was concerned. It was always the other man conceding or apologising or compromising to keep him happy while the raven was only concerned with swimming or Rin.

Watching Yamazaki and he together showed Haru that the Makoto he had known was never a Makoto at his full potential, he had been someone who constantly shunted himself to the side to protect Haru and that was more painful than anything else because it had taken him this long to even come to that realisation. There were smiles and expressions that he had never seen crossing his friends face, emotions that Yamazaki seemed intimately familiar with.

Having the stalker case looming over them was not helping things either. If one of the two men, he now lived with couldn’t be with him he was tailed discreetly but constantly by an officer whose name he couldn’t recall. It made going to school even more uncomfortable than it already was, given that he was something of a celebrity and it also cut egregiously into his private swimming time. But Makoto had hit a block when it came to the case, no cameras had caught anything of intrigue and the knife once again came back without any useable fingerprints. The only viable if tenuous leads they had were that the knife make had not been scratched off and that the man had clearly been a gymnast or some kind of parkourer at one point in his life, that fact tickled some kind of knowledge buried deep in Haru’s brain but for the life of him he couldn’t unearth it.

Haru glanced around his temporary room, it was their guest bedroom, a plain space with a double bed, wooden side tables and an open wardrobe. Makoto had said the room was mainly used by Kou’s child who often stayed over when Kou and Seijuurou needed a babysitter. Evidence of the boys' visits were obvious in the toys stashed neatly into a box at the foot of the wardrobe and in a few of the childish scribbles pinned to wall.

Thinking about the knife had brought back unfavourable memories of how it had protruded grotesquely from Makoto’s shoulder, how the other man had pulled it from himself with barely a flinch, not even a cursory glance given to the blood that had covered his hands after, the smell of which still invaded Harus nostrils.

He knew police officers were trained to deal with injuries and such but the casual nature of Yamazaki’s and Makotos reaction to the whole scenario left him feeling uneasy, like he was missing a very important puzzle piece that stopped him from seeing the whole picture. His mind then drifted to that brief moment where Makotos face had been inches from his own, Haru hadn’t been able to breath as he drowned in emerald green and cinnamon. He had been overcome with the pressing need to be closer to Makoto in that space where only they had existed. Closer how? Haru didn’t know or didn’t want too.

With a sigh Haru padded out of his room, barefoot, clad in sweats and his favourite blue hoodie, worn and frayed by the years but no less comfortable. He was immensely happy it was Saturday, perhaps he could figure out a way to get Makoto alone. As he began to descend the stairs, voices floated up to him from the kitchen.

“How are my boys doing then?” The loving yet mothering tone of Kurimiya Tachibana washed over Haru, rooting him in place halfway down the staircase as years of hugs and home cooked meals washed over him in a nostalgic wave. The voice was tinny like it was coming through a phone speaker.

“We’re good mum, we’re currently investigating a case involving Nanase.” Yamazaki responded voice filled with warmth and respect for a woman Haru could’ve once called his surrogate mother.

“Nanase, Haruka Nanase?”

“Yeah, that’s the one Ma. He’s staying with us at the moment, maybe you could say hi.” Makoto joined the fray.

“I’m sure it would be lovely to see Haruka again. How are you doing with everything sweetie?” Kurimiyas voice was light but there was an undercurrent of concern that sent shame lancing through Haru.

“Ma, I’m fine I swea-.”

“Big brothers!!” The much more mature but unmistakable excitable voice of Ren interrupted, followed swiftly by Ran.

“Did I hear you mention Haru??”

“Yeah slugger. He’s staying with us now, what happened to your tournament this weekend?” Sousuke asked with a laugh, clearly trying to divert the topic.

“Something with the organisers went down it’s been rescheduled for next month. Did the asshat bring his bastard boyfriend too?” There was an unmistakable gasp from Kurimiya.

“Young lady! Where on earth did you learn such language?”

“Sousuke.” The twins responded at the same time while Makoto roared with laughter.

“Oi you two. Snitches get stitches.”

Haru barely acknowledged this exchange though, his mind was still computing the word boyfriend. The twins idolised their brother, they would’ve taken Harus disappearance as the betrayal it was, so Ran's anger was no surprise, but boyfriend? Was it possible they’d believed the magazine publications? It made sense as they hadn’t seen each other in years but Makoto would tell them the truth. His train of thought was immediately disproven by Makotos next words.

“To answer your question though Ran. No, Rin didn’t come, he’s still training in Australia.” There was some emotion in Makotos voice that he couldn’t place, once again, and it caused the raven to grit his teeth in frustration.

“Wow you’d think a police investigation would spur a bit of concern from his boyfriend.” Ren snarked bitingly.

How could Makoto believe that garbage. He’d never expressed an interest in Rin like that.

‘Except you did.’ The little voice in his head whispered. Who for some reason still sounded a lot like Nagisa.

He wanted to argue, but it was right, throughout most of middle school Haru had been devastated by Rin’s dismissal of swimming, then when he had returned, he had been single minded in his goal to race Rin again, the red headed boy being the only one to ignite that fire in him. Then Rin had helped him find what he thought was his dream and Haru had moved to Australia with him. Haru had even admitted to Rin that he had considered the two of them prior to their kiss, curious to see if the spark in their rivalry translated to romance.

If even Haru had considered this, then Makoto, who knew the raven better than anyone, would consider it. The kiss in the magazines had only cemented what Makoto thought he already knew.

For some reason the idea that Makoto thought he was romantically entangled with Rin made him nauseous, he didn’t know why but he needed for Makoto to know the truth, perhaps the brunette thought he’d left him for Rin. With a feeling of dazed lightheadedness he sat down on the stairs, dropping his head into his hands.

He knew he needed to talk to Rin to sort all of this out, possibly even make an official statement. He had called the redhead a day or so ago to catch him up on everything but hadn’t heard from the other since except for him to demand his location so Rin could sleep at night, whatever that meant.

During his internal conflict he missed the conclusion of the call with the Tachibana household, now all he could hear over the buzzing in his ears was the sink being used and Yamazaki’s contemplation about what he was going to do in the garden today. Then, there was a sudden and aggressive knocking on the front door that caused silence to ring out through the house. There was no peephole or windows that gave a clear view of the porch from the kitchen or foyer.

The knock came again, louder this time and the click of a firearms safety being removed sent chills up Haru’s spine, surely the stalker wouldn’t come after him in broad daylight? Yamazaki appeared in his line of sight, eyeing the raven quickly before yanking the front door open, gun raised and pointed between the wide eyes of Rin Matsuoka.

“Jesus Sousuke! I’m just here to see Haru!” Rin’s voice came out in a shriek that under any other circumstance would have Haru mocking him for months. Makoto came careening out of the kitchen to stand behind his friend.

“Rin?!”

“Fuck, Rin. I could’ve shot you through the fucking head.” Both of their voices blended together, one in confusion, the other in fury. Haru noticed the gun, that was still pointed at Rin, was now trembling in the taller man’s grip.

Makoto lifted his hand to remove the weapon and circled his fingers loosely around the others wrist, a sign of comfort Haru had witnessed between the two before. The action did not go unnoticed by Rin’s sharp eyes.

“So is Haru here or just you lovebirds?” This is when the raven stood to allow himself to be seen, and the redhead pushed forward through the two taller males, wrapping Haru in a bone crushing hug. Over his shoulder he could see Makoto and Yamazaki share a pained look before the latter left through the still open front door, that, paired with his earlier realisation forced him to struggle out of Rin’s grip.

He wanted to ask Rin a million questions, but the absence of their fourth member had not slipped Rin’s notice.

“What five years and all he could do was point a gun at an old friend? Where are the manners?” At this comment Makotos face hardened and he drew himself up to his full, considerable, height and stepped towards Rin, crowding his space menacingly.

“I’m glad you’re here for Haru, but you are a guest in this house Rin, and you will not speak about Sousuke like that. Not in front of me, got it?” The green eyes, usually so welcoming had solidified into a cold green, as cutting as the gem they so resembled. His voice was low and dark, promising pain if defied. The hair on the back of Harus neck had raised to attention and he could’ve sworn he heard Rin gulp as he nodded.

“Good. Glad that’s settled I’ll be in the garden with Sousuke.” And with that Makoto left through the front door, closing it resolutely behind him.

“Damn that’s Makoto? Sousuke must be great in bed if it elicits that response from a guy who cried when he saw a spider eat a butterfly.” The comment caused a tidal wave of emotions to crash through Haru; indignation for his friend whose sensitive heart had been endearing, anger at the insinuation that sex would be Makoto’s motive for protecting a loved one, and a third, darker feeling, one that slipped through his bloodstream like a poison at the thought of Makoto having sex, especially with Yamazaki. It wasn’t a notion he’d ever entertained, that Makoto may have been physically intimate with someone, he was having a hard enough time stomaching that they were probably romantically together and definitely emotionally linked.

Just another facet of his life Haru had no idea about because he hadn’t been there.

“What are you doing here Rin?” The redhead stared at him in disbelief before dropping his bag down and flinging himself down on the large couch.

“You are kidding right? My best friend gets strangled, and you expect me to just hang out in Australia waiting for your half assed updates?” Haru moved to push the others feet onto the floor, where they landed heavily, accompanied by an unceremonious huff, and sat down.

“Yes, I did actually, I don’t think you’re very welcome here.” Rin scowled at this, a distinct look of hurt lurking in his purple eyes at the observation.

“Yeah, well Sousuke gave up on his dream, he has no right to be mad at me and Makoto is Makoto he’ll get over it in no time.” The response was spoken with confidence, but Haru thought of Makoto’s dark expression and how he’d told Haru he couldn’t forgive him just yet and wasn’t so sure Rin was right.

The two males spent the next hour catching up, Haru was able to introduce him to most of the cats and Rin earned a sizeable scratch from his namesake accompanied by a lot of swearing from the redhead. Eventually Rin decided to head off back to his hotel, but before he did Haru brought up the public status of their relationship and how it was time to be upfront about it. Rin stared at the shorter man for a long time before asking.

“Why now?”

Haru didn’t answer but his gaze flickered quickly to the front door that separated him from Makoto and realisation dawned on Rin.

“Jesus Haru, yeah okay I’ll set the record straight, if you get your emotionally stunted head out of your ass and acknowledge why you want me to.” And with that the other man left, leaving only confusion and the faint trace of Armani behind.

                  .                     .                     .

The next few weeks leading up to Makotos birthday were surprisingly uneventful and the three men were able to establish a comfortable, if slightly strained, routine. Every weekday Makoto and Yamazaki drove him to university like a perverse version of two parents dropping off their child at kindergarten. For the rest of the day the unnamed officer tailed Haru through his classes then accompanied the raven home in a stoic silence that was preferred by Haru, he had never been too comfortable making conversation for conversations sake and so these moments of quiet were ideal. Once he made it back, he had an extra-long bath to make up for the fact that his solitary swimming sessions were no longer optional and was often joined by little Haruka, and surprisingly, a little Mako who usually sat by the door as if ready to bolt but Haru was pleased by the progress nonetheless.

After the first few nights Haru had realised that the two detectives didn’t make it home until past nine most nights and so to show his thanks for their hospitality he began to make dinner for the three of them, utilising the knowledge he’d picked up from school. The first time he did this, Haru had made green curry, in the hopes that Makoto still enjoyed the dish as much as he once had, and he was not disappointed. Yamazaki had looked at him as dispassionately as usual, with maybe a slight softening around his eyes before grunting his thanks and tucking in, but Makoto had stared at Haru with such a gentle expression that the raven had felt his throat tightening and his stomach had done a belly flop worthy of Rei.

Rin had continued to turn up unannounced despite having a gun pointed at him last time, but Yamazaki seemed to have gained a sixth sense for when Rin was on the property because he was always mysteriously missing when the loud red head appeared. Makoto often followed the other but had stayed once or twice to participate in stilted conversation with Rin and Haru, but this never lasted long. The brunette seemed borderline hostile around Rin, but that didn’t stop him from inviting the other to his birthday though, in the typical Makoto fashion of hating to exclude anyone.

The invite had caused an explosive argument between him and Yamazaki, Haru hadn’t managed to catch any words as he’d been in the shower, and by the time he’d made it downstairs Makoto had the darker man in a secure headlock and the two were laughing heartily, leaving Haru standing there bemusedly in a bathrobe, with shampoo dripping down his face. Which predictably caused even more laughter.

Eventually they reached the day of Makoto’s birthday, which began with a smoke alarm. Immediately Haru and Makoto raced down the stairs to see Yamazaki stood over the bin, scraping a dark black lump into it with a scowl on his face.

Makoto quickly deactivated the alarm and laughed softly at the other man, his green eyes sparkling with affection.

“You do this every year.”

“Yeah, well I’m gonna make a decent chocolate chip pancake for you if it kills me.” Yamazaki grumbled, staring at the pan as if it was to blame for the burnt breakfast.

Haru cleared his throat gaining the attention of both men.

“I could help you.” The taller man looked as reluctant to accept this as Haru felt offering it, but after seeing the exceptionally pleased look on Makotos face, they both acknowledged defeat, unwilling to disappoint the brunette today of all days.

With a little direction and under Harus watchful eye, several pancakes were soon ready for consumption, along with three strong coffees.

Haru chewed contemplatively on his single pancake as he watched Makoto inhale the five on his plate. A couple of appreciative moans slipped through as he ate and Haru couldn’t stop the flush that ran up his neck upon hearing the indecent sounds. After his conversation with Rin, he’d actively been avoiding thinking of Makoto’s sex life because whenever he did, he was either unreasonably angry or his skin got tingly, his heart began to pound, and an unfamiliar heat pooled in his gut. Haru was having a hard enough time trying to mend their friendship, without these reactions happening .

Then there was the comment Rin had made; “Why you want me to.” The answer was simple, because he didn’t want Makoto to be under the false impression that he and Rin were dating, nothing more. The more Haru tried to tell himself this though, the falser it felt. The truth was covered in dust, within reach, all Haru needed to do was wipe it clean and the answer was there, but fear held him back, whatever the truth was, it wasn’t something he was ready for, not while he and Makoto were still on such shaky ground.

But the sounds Makoto made as he ate could not be ignored and Haru’s reactions confused him, he’d never been one who was quick to arouse, if anything it was the opposite. He’d never struggled with inappropriate boners in public spaces, nor had he ever found someone else’s actions worth any kind of flustering but recently that seemed to have changed. Perhaps he was a late bloomer.

As the heat receded, he caught Sousuke looking at him shrewdly causing a new blush to surface and so the raven coughed before inquiring about the plans for the day. Makoto informed him that they’d be meeting the others at the local pool around noon before coming back to the house for food and drinks.

A fizzle of excitement shot down Haru’s spine as he realised they’d be swimming together for the first time in eight years. The afternoon could not come fast enough.

                     .                       .                   .

“HARU-CHAN!” An old but familiar voice echoed around the tiled pool area before it felt like a small freight train had collided with him and his vision was obscured by fluffy blonde locks.

Nagisa clearly hadn’t changed, although, Haru noted with no small amount of irritation, the enthusiastic blonde had surpassed him in height, standing even with Rei who stood further back, eyeing Haru with unease. As Nagisa stepped back from his bone crushing embrace Haru caught a glimpse of the matching gold bands they both wore.

“Congratulations on the wedding guys.” Haru tried to inject as much sincerity as he could into his voice, but Nagisas smile sharpened into something dangerous.

“Yes well, we would’ve invited you Haru-chan but you were too busy ignoring us all. Anyway, we need to get changed catch you later!” And before Haru could blink the two were gone and the now familiar feeling of shame licked at him. Clearly there was more than one bridge he needed to mend. Perhaps he should invest in a hammer.

The pool had been closed for the party somehow and so while everyone changed, Haru felt fully justified in diving into the water. As he he cut a path he revelled in the velvety feel of the water against his skin, how it enveloped him and guided him forwards. He had missed the freeness of swimming solo, allowing the silence to empty his mind and just exist.

His solitary swim didn’t last long before Nagisa was hurling himself into the pool, followed by a much less intrusive Rei.

“Even after all this time you’re still the most beautiful in the water Haru.” The goggle clad man said softly staring at the smaller raven with a begrudging awe.

“Listen guys, I’m sorry I cut you off. I just needed… I don’t know what I needed but it was the wrong choice and I’m sorry.” Two pairs of eyes stared at him blankly for a moment, allowing anxiety to creep in before Nagisa smiled, much friendlier than he had before.

“It’s okay Haru-chan. I’m no good at holding a grudge and Rei-chan is a teddy bear.” Rei spluttered indignantly at this, blushing a furious red. “Plus we’re the easy ones, if you ever want to be back by Makotos side you’ll need Sou-chan to forgive you.”

As if on cue the two men in question exited the changing rooms dressed in full length black jammers. Haru, over his childhood years and especially during their teenage years, had seen Makoto shirtless plenty of times but now the sight set his whole body ablaze in a way that made him thankful that he was submerged in water. He was trimmer than he’d ever been before, every inch of his torso was covered in lean muscle tapering down into a smooth v that disappeared beneath his jammers and left Harus mouth oddly dry.

As his ogling began to border on inappropriate, he became aware of something that doused the inferno raging in him quite succinctly. Makotos whole torso was like walking scar tissue, ranging from small white slashes to horrible, raised wounds that looked suspiciously like bullet wounds and stab marks. Including the most recent injury on his right shoulder that was mostly healed, but was still an angry red line against all the tan skin.

Haru glanced quickly to Sousuke whose body was in a similar state and he couldn’t help but inhale quietly in horror at the pain the two men must’ve experienced to receive such permanent marks.

“Yeah, they’ve been through a lot.” Rei muttered next to him quietly, eyes grim as he looked at the two men.

“UNCLES!” A very young, loud voice cut through the relative silence and a small redheaded blur raced towards Makoto before latching on to his leg. Makoto grinned, green eyes crinkling as he picked up the small boy and Sousuke moved to pat his head. They looked so much like a family that Haru wanted to hurl and so instead he looked to the entrance to see Rin, Kou and Seijuurou.

The raven quickly made his way to the side of the pool and hauled himself up to greet the newcomers. Seijuurou gave him a quick nod before moving to the changing rooms, followed quickly by Rin who was grumbling about how he never got that kind of treatment from his nephew. That left Kou who had grown into her looks spectacularly, the young girl had become a woman in his absence, but she still had that vague air of leadership and positivity that had made her such a fantastic manager.

“I’m sorry.” Haru began before the woman could get a word out, he figured it was best to begin all his conversations with old acquaintances like this from now on. But Kou just smiled at him softly before returning her eyes to her son who was trying to convince Makoto to throw him into the pool in his clothes.

“It’s okay Haru. It’s no different than what Rin has pulled. At least you didn’t come back all emolike renouncing your ties.”

Haru snorted and turned to face the others as well.

“How are you?”

“I’m good, Sei and I actually own this place and the gym next door, it’s been good, and Ryuji loves swimming as much as his dad.” Kou replied, pride coating every word.

“That’s incredible, he seems to love Makoto too.” He had tried to keep his comment light, but Kou glanced at him sharply.

“Sou and he are Ryu’s godparents; they treat him like their own.”

Haru digested this news, once again struck by how natural the two men looked together, playing with a child all loving smiles and encouraging laughter. He felt like a rock was sat in the base of his stomach now.

“They make a pretty picture, don’t they?” Kou asked in an oddly pleasant voice before moving to whisk her son away from the others and into the changing rooms. That was when he noticed the tattoos, a beautiful whale shark on Makoto and an equally beautiful orca on Sousuke. The symbolism wasn’t lost on Haru, and it was definitely something that he would spiral about in private later but currently it was the thick black lines imprinted darkly into the skin of Makoto’s shoulder that had captured his attention.

Amid more alarming amounts of scar tissue sat a Yakuza symbol, plain as day.

                 .                          .                         .

The time at the pool went about as expected everyone swam and played leisurely, routinely doting on little Ryuji while Haru and Rin raced in the lanes. There was one moment of white hot jealously ripped through Haru as Makoto offered Yamazaki his hand to lift him out of the pool but other than that it was a pleasant afternoon.

Except for the thick black tattoos that were imprinted on his retinas and plaguing his every thought, allowing Rin to win more than usual.

Where they in a gang? Had they previously in a gang? Were they dirty cops? Had Yamazaki forced him into this? Why was no one reacting?

He knew in his heart that no matter how much had changed Makoto would never be a corrupt human and grudgingly he could admit the same about Yamazaki, but the questions and scenarios were all buzzing around his head, bouncing in his skull like a horde of drunken bees. No one else had given the tattoos a second glance so he had to assume they’d had them for a while.

Thankfully he could always trust Rin to react to these matters with his usual tact.

“Oi what the fuck is with the ink? You guys' fucking Yakuza or something.” The question was asked in the mens changing rooms while Kou was blessedly in the womens’ room with her son and not around to beat Rin senseless for his foul mouth.

The temperature at question seemed to drop as everyone froze, eyes darting with concern towards Yamazaki and Makoto who were stiff with tension, jaws clenched. After an uncomfortable moment, where even Rin seemed to regret asking, Makoto responded, words clipped and vacant of emotion which was odd given the amount of anguish in his eyes.

“We went undercover in the Yakuza for two years to bust a sex trafficking ring. We kept the tattoos for contact purposes.”

There was a note of finality in his words that indicated any further questioning would not be tolerated and the men finished dressing in silence, broken only by the goodbyes given to Ryuji and Seijuurou outside by their respective cars.

But with one question answered, a million more had taken their place, along with the overwhelming urge to hug Makoto whose eyes hadn’t lost their haunted look and whose hands trembled as they accepted the gift from his godson.

                   .                        .                        .

The atmosphere was much more pleasant by the time they arrived back at the house, and after the cats were herded into Makotos room by the promise of food, the festivities began in earnest.

In the interlude before pizza arrived gifts were given to a bashful Makoto who seemed both embarrassed and pleased by the attention. From Ryuji he got a stick to the wall basketball hoop, (you know it’s only so he can use it). From Kou and Seijuurou he received a new pair of jammers and a pair of boxing gloves, (gotta stay in shape in your old age). Rin had gotten him some catnip toys while Rei and Nagisa had gotten him a box set of his favourite anime. Yamazaki had gotten him a small woven bracelet with the name Kimiko stitched into it neatly, causing Makotos eyes to glisten with unshed tears as he gave the other man a tight hug. As Rin glared at the two men embracing, Haru began to feel as if his gift was woefully inadequate and resisted the urge to snatch it away as the brunette unwrapped it.

“Haru…” Makoto breathed out softly and that one word, his name, was filled with so much unfiltered emotion Haru could feel himself blushing for the millionth time that day. He’d waited so long to hear Makoto speak his name like that again, as if it meant something to him, as if he meant something to him. And all it took was a small plastic dolphin attached to a key chain.

“It’s perfect Haru, thank you.”

Shortly after this moment of nostalgia, the food arrived allowing everyone to dig in before the drinking games began. Nagisa appointed himself everyone’s drink refiller and would not let a glass stand empty, causing everyone to hit their drunken stride rather quickly. Loud voices, pink cheeks and unchecked laughter filled the room and Haru dazedly wondered how he ever could’ve wanted to give this up.  Several games of beer pong were played along with some card games that left everyone in an excessive state of inebriation.

It wasn’t long before Nagisa started a game of truth or dare, a dangerous glint in his wide eyes that, had Haru been more cognisant, would’ve worried him. Several rounds were played where Nagisa confessed to a rather raunchy sex dream (involving Ai?!), Rei had to do a shot out of Nagisa’s bellybutton, Rin had to perform a horrible rendition of Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’, Kou had to choose the best muscles (Makoto) and Haru had to do a blindfolded shot (Soy Sauce, bleugh). Then it was Yamazaki’s turn.

“Sou-chan I dare you to french the birthday boy.”

The words caused Rin to choke on his drink while Haru just watched in horror as the two men leaned casually into each before their lips met messily. Makoto was clearly familiar with Sousuke in this capacity because they moved in tandem matching each push with a pull of his own, hands reaching up tangle in the short black hair, actively taking control in a way that Haru could never have anticipated from the brunette.

Haru felt something in his chest crack at the sight but also something else was set ablaze, he couldn’t stop watching the smooth column of Makoto’s throat, the dominance in the way he held his partner, the slick shine of his lower lip as the two separated, eyes hooded and pupils blown wide.

With the return of the boulder in his stomach and an empty glass, Haru quickly escaped to the kitchen. He found Rin already there looking out the window, pain, poorly hidden within his eyes. Before the either man could address the other Nagisa came bouncing in with an easy smile and chaos surrounding him.

“Whew, if I were not a happily married man, I would definitely be asking to be the ham in that man sandwich.” The blonde whistled contentedly as he poured himself a glass of wine seemingly oblivious to the two men glowering at him.

“I mean they broke up a while back, but clearly sexual chemistry was not the problem.”

“So, they did date?” Rin was quick to ask with poorly concealed curiousity, Nagisa turned around and eyed them calculatingly.

“Yeah, like seven years ago, they never told anyone, but they weren’t subtle plus I caught them banging in the Iwatobi changing rooms after hours one night.”

‘Well, that answers the question about Makotos sex life.’ Haru thought to himself, feeling as if he were suddenly adrift at sea, bobbing helplessly in the water unable to catch a breath. Rin looked equally lost and also a little nauseous.

“Well obviously they weren’t good for one another, otherwise they’d still be together.” Rin sniped venomously and any cheer that had been on Nagisa’s face was wiped from his expression, leaving an unusually grim look behind.

“Actually, they’re the best for each other. Better than either of you were, they just decided being friends was easier.” His words cut like razor blades and Haru half expected there to be actual wounds left on his skin. Rin’s face had turned an odd blotchy red.

“Listen here you-.”

“No, you listen.” Nagisa interrupted acidicly. “You abandoned Sousuke during a pretty hard time in his life and he needed you to support him in his decisions, not dictate which choice he should’ve made, according to you, and then ostracise him when he didn’t follow along like an obedient puppy. This is the second time you’ve left him out to dry and you’ll be lucky if he ever forgives you.” Rin opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish before finding his voice.

“But it was his dream to-.”

“No, Rin, it was your dream. Sousuke found a new dream and spoiler alert it doesn’t include you anymore, so if want to be here you’ll have to make the effort. And you!” Nagisa rounded on Haru now who took a step back in alarm.

“Makoto’s been through so much and Sousuke was there for all it, but he wants you back in his life. Even if he doesn’t say it outright, I can see it plain as day on his face, but you broke his heart once so you better sort out that tangled heap of earphones that you call emotions before you do it again because so help me God if you make Makoto cry one more time, I will break every bathtub you try to own for the rest of your life. Are we clear?”

Haru nodded mutely, unable to do anything more as Nagisa caught his breath before letting loose another bright smile.

“Excellent.” And with that he exited the room and returned to the lounge where the others were laughing and talking in blissful ignorance of the dressing down, he and Rin had just received. A thick uncomfortable silence blanketed the two men as they avoided each other’s eyes knowing that they’d see a mirror of their own guilt and regrets reflected back at them.

                   .                       .                     .

Lips met his, tentatively a first but quickly growing confident as the kiss grew deeper, needier. Haru panted into the mouth above his, hands trailing up the soft skin of the arms braced on either side of him to tangle in silky hair. The lips that ravished his moved lovingly to his jaw and down his neck, causing a shiver of arousal to run down Harus spine and a small moan escaped his mouth. The mouth moved further down, tracing his collarbones, pecs and around his nipples, leaving a trail of liquid fire wherever they touched.

The noises escaping Haru had become a constant breathy stream as the lips moved ever lower, stopping tantalisingly at the waistband of his jammers, large hands gripped his hips tight enough to bruise and his arousal was more than evident. Haru looked down on the crown of a head covered in light brown hair and held his breath as slightly drooped eyes looked up at him, the pupils were blown wide with lust, but a ring of very familiar green gazed up at him from where he hovered over Harus crotch.

“Haru.”

Haru woke with a start, skin feverish and slick with sweat, his heart was pumping a mile a minute and there was an uncomfortable bulge chafing sensitively against his underwear.

The raven was in shock, slight reactions in person was one thing but he’d just had his first ever sex dream… about Makoto. Haru had accepted early on that he wasn’t like other boys, when they were staring at girls and sneaking dirty magazines under their desks at break, Haru only cared about when he could next go swimming. When puberty hit and his body started maturing, he took care of his business clinically, never with any fantasies or desire, just a means to an end so he could get back to normal. But for the first time in his life, he itched with the urge to touch himself intimately, to savour and imagine it was another larger hand helping him across the threshold to pleasure.

He couldn’t do that to Makoto though, he couldn’t control his dreams, but he could surely control his fantasies while he was awake. He couldn’t use his friend like that, even in the privacy of his own mind. And so Haru resigned himself to taking a very long, very cold shower

Chapter Text

“I think I’ve got it.”

A thick manila file was dropped down on Makotos desk followed by Sousuke seating himself comfortably on the corner, where he often sat when they were brainstorming cases. Makoto glanced at his partner who had his ‘just solved a case’ smirk plastered on his face, teal eyes dancing with poorly hidden satisfaction.

“Alright, I’ll bite. Got what?”

“Nanase’s stalker.” At the mention of Haru, Makotos spine straightened against his will, and he felt his ears burn at Sousuke’s knowing look. He averted his gaze back down to the folder in front of him.

“We finally got a court order on the store those knives are from, they’re a kitschy little place with a narrow customer base and we immediately flagged an Australian credit card used to purchase a set of throwing knives. The card was registered under this man’s name.” Sousuke hand appeared within his line of sight, and it deftly flipped open the file. Inside there were a few pictures of a tall man with a shock of blonde hair standing a few meters back from Rin and Haru at the 2020 Olympics, in every one he was always at a distance, but his focus never strayed from the two wherever they were.

“Harrison Lowell, Olympic hopeful in gymnastics who trained in Sydney Australia at a facility near Matsuokas, and if that wasn’t enough, he’s had a restraining order put on him for stalking before by an ex, it was buried pretty well by his PR team, but I found it. His card records prove he’s in Japan right now, but the online trail stops there. No credit card purchases, emails or phone calls for over three weeks.”

“So, he’s aware the knives can be traced back to him. Is there any way to track him down?”

Sousuke shook his and scowled in obvious frustration.

“There’s an APB out on him but he was pretty well concealed last time he tried his luck with Haru and that’s definitely an indication he’s willing to get violent so I think one of us will need to be with him 24/7 from now on.” Makoto agreed wholeheartedly but was surprised at the undercurrent of genuine concern lacing Sousuke’s words, he knew his friend would never allow a civilian to get hurt when he could prevent it, but this was deeper than that.

“Be careful Sou, I might think you care.” Sousuke retaliated to his jest with a flick to the forehead and a huff.

“Look I have my issues with the guy, but I don’t want him to get hurt by some crazy person. Plus, he’s kind of grown on me, like a fungus or a rash. He’s making an effort in his own odd way, and I appreciate that. Doesn’t mean I trust him not to pull that shit again.”  A light pink blush had crept up onto the other man’s cheekbones causing Makoto to bite back a laugh as he gathered his things to leave. He placed a large hand on his friends' shoulder, fingers splayed as he squeezed it gently.

“Come on, dinners probably waiting for us.”  

                    .                      .                   .

The ride back to their place was short and full of lighthearted banter. It made Makoto content that even throughout all the upheaval in their lives recently, with Haru living with them and Rin crashing back through with all the subtlety of a wrecking ball, they still had these moments to themselves. Green eyes landed softly on the profile of Sousuke, silhouetted by the dark of the night and the amber glow of the streetlights they passed. He was facing the road, one hand on the steering wheel and the other was placed almost lazily on the gear stick, body language loose and relaxed, at peace. The dark-haired man was staid and solid in nature, never wavering in his loyalty to their relationship. Makoto could only hope he provided the same stability for his friend.

“Get out of that head Tachibana, you might get lost in there.” Sousuke quipped with a small smile, tired eyes never leaving the road. Makoto decided to tease his friend, who flustered easily in the face of unexpected compliments.

“Just thinking that I’m lucky to have you in my life.” The brunette was not disappointed as the others face flushed a frankly alarming red and blustered incoherently as they turned onto their street. It was only because his eyes were already on him that he noticed the immediate tension Sousuke gained in his shoulders.

“Makoto.” Foreboding fell over Makoto instantly, covering him like a weighted blanket. He turned to look out the windshield to see an odd sight. The house was swathed in darkness, which was unusual, as law enforcement officers Sousuke and he were both aware that making a house seem occupied by leaving lights on and such was a deterrent for most thieves, and now that Haru was with them he often stayed up for them or if they knew they were going to be extremely late he always left the porch light on. More disturbing than that though was the front door that was left ajar, sending a bolt of icy fear straight through Makotos chest, causing his breath to hitch.  He could see the nondescript car of Officer Yamamoto across the street, but he couldn’t detect any movement.

“Go. I’ll check on Yamamoto and call an ambulance.” Sousuke had barely finished before Makoto was out of the car, a standard issue firearm in one hand and a flashlight in the other. The arm holding the gun was held straight out while the other was crossed over the top of it, torch pointing forward.

Makoto was aware the ambulance was a precaution at best or possibly Yamamoto would need medical attention, but he couldn’t help the sickening fear bubbling up inside him that Haru might need it. He made his way silently inside, ears pricked for any sort of sound as he slowly surveyed the area around him, as he shone his torch past the cat tree, six pairs of eyes reflected back him from the various cubbyholes.

A small blessing that none of the cats had made a run for it on top of everything else. His relief was short lived however when the unmistakable sound of gunshot then another rang out, followed by a shout of pain, through the house, seeming to reverberate off the walls, vibrating in Makotos very soul. Throwing every second of his training out of the window about how to approach these situations, Makoto hurtled up the stairs and into his room where the sound had come from and froze on the threshold taking in the scene with wide eyed disbelief.

A black clothed figure was writhing on the floor gripping his leg where blood was pulsing from a very obvious gunshot wound, a gun of his own on the floor that Makoto kicked immediately away. Across the space from in the frame of Makoto’s closet was Haru, one of Makoto’s smaller firearms clenched tightly in his hands, arms trained on the doorway. He was wearing his pyjamas and Makoto noted vaguely that the oversized orange and yellow shirt looked oddly familiar before his attention shifted resolutely back to the man himself. His entire body was trembling wildly, Makoto could see that much even in the dark, and his eyes were wide with undisguised fear followed by relief as he realised who had walked into the room.

“Makoto…” He breathed out shakily dropping his arms as if he could no longer support them himself, the pistol dropping softly onto the carpet. At the sound of his name, he pushed forward uncaring of the man on floor, dropping his things onto the bed and wrapped Haru in an embrace so tight he was sure it must hurt but he couldn’t convince himself to loosen his hold.

Given that Haru was holding him back just as tightly though he figured it was okay for now. With their chests pressed together he could feel how erratically Harus heart was thumping, even faster than his own. The sound was comforting in its own way, tangible proof that Haru was alive. Makoto pulled back slightly to cup Harus face between his hands. Behind him, he could hear Sousuke enter the room and assess the situation, murmured voices were added to the fray, presumably the paramedics, but green didn’t leave blue. He scanned frantically over his friends' face, even paler than usual, searching for any sign that he was not perfectly intact. Behind Haru and off to the side a small bullet hole was embedded deeply into the wall.

“Are you hurt?” The words came out in a whisper, a secret between them. Haru shook his head slightly, still trembling under Makotos fingers but not as aggressively.

“It’s Rin’s ex, I heard him come in and I just knew it wasn’t you, so I came in here to hide and…” The ravens' words came out stuttered and frantic, as if he needed to explain himself.

“Haruka it’s okay. You protected yourself, I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.” Harus face morphed into one Makoto had only seen once, when after the Obon festival when he had told Haru how happy he was to do the relay together, it was both pleased and unsure as if he didn’t know what to do with what he was feeling. In response he pressed his face back into Makotos shoulder and mumbled something that almost went unheard by the brunette.

“You’re here now.”

               .                         .                          .

After everything had settled down and the paramedics had checked over Haru, and Officer Yamamoto who had been given a nasty concussion, as precaution, Makoto had decided to take the other boy to get something to eat to counteract the effects of the shock.

They ended up in small 24-hour ramen bar, that Sousuke and he frequented whenever a stakeout ran particularly late. Haru still appeared shaken by the night's events, having been silent and contemplative on the drive over and so Makoto was quick to order a miso ramen for himself and a mackerel bowl for the other boy.

They sat in relative quiet while they waited for their food. The brunette resisted every bone in his body that was screaming at him to mother hen Haru, to wrap him in his arms again and never let go. But Makoto knew better than anyone that a traumatic event like this required space to come to terms with what had happened, especially shooting someone for the first time. Comfort could come later.

Besides, he thought, it wasn’t his job anymore. He needed to remember that Haru had someone to turn to that wasn’t him. The embrace earlier had been one Haru allowed due to the fear of the situation.

Once the food arrived, they both dug in heartily and Makoto was pleased to see that the tremors had slowed, and some colour was returning to Harus complexion.

“Makoto I’m sorry I wasn’t a very good friend to you before.” Haru seemed to push out the words in a huff, cheeks ablaze at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, blue eyes fixed determinedly on his mostly empty bowl, but Makoto was baffled. Not a good friend? Was he referring to his disappearance from everyone’s lives? Why is this what he’d been thinking about? He needed to focus on himself right now, but the brunette didn’t want to dismiss something that was very clearly plaguing the other.

“Haru, as much as your decision hurt people you also made the choice that you thought would be best for you, I -.”

“No not that. Although I am sorry for that too.” Haru cut in, chewing thoughtfully on his chopstick. His delicate brows were creased in frustration, seemingly at his inability to find the correct words, so Makoto waited patiently.

“I mean in kindergarten, primary, middle school, high school. I took you for granted, you looked after me, cared for me, stood by my side. You would’ve, and did, put your whole life on hold for me and I barely acknowledged that. Our friendship was decidedly one sided and I’m sorry for that.” 

Greens eyes widened in shock; a chopstick full of noodles halfway to their destination. He lowered the food down back into the bowl and stared at Haru, expression softening into one of exasperated fondness for the uncomfortable looking man across from him.

“Haru.” Some part of his tone must’ve resonated with the other because ocean blue eyes locked onto his, something akin to regret hidden in their depths.

“I never saw it like, you just reciprocated in a different way. You protected me when I was scared and fought for me when I couldn’t do it myself. Anyway,” Makoto huffed out a small laugh laced with an air of self-deprecation. “If anything, the things I did for you were selfish in nature.” 

Harus expression shifted to one of questioning and he seemed to lean forward without his knowledge as Makoto cast about for words that wouldn’t implicate him too much.

“I think that I thought that if I cared for you in those ways, you wouldn’t realise that you didn’t actually need me.” Seeing that Haru was gearing up to protest, but he powered through, needing the other to hear him. “I’m not saying you didn’t care but you were always so strong, so independent, even as a child. Whereas I needed you, in a way you’ve never needed anyone, and I was terrified you’d realise it and leave me behind. But I guess that happened anyway.” His green eyes fell to his half-finished bowl, poking at a narutomaki that floated happily in the broth, no longer hungry. A sharp inhale caught his ear, but he couldn’t look up, that was the closest he’d come to a confession since the night Haru had saved his life, his pulse was thrumming under his skin like a live wire and his breath felt heavy in his chest. 

He was supposed to be over Haru. He’d thought he was, but every look, every smile, every apology, every meal had opened up the wound that clearly had never truly healed, until his heart was the bleeding, mangled mess it had been when he was seventeen. 

A cool touch to the back of his hand startled him out of his slowly spiralling thoughts, he glanced up and the anguish on Harus face caused his breath to catch. He looked, for lack of a better word, heartbroken. It was an expression he’d only seen on the raven a handful of times; when his grandmother passed away and when Rin renounced their ties. One of his hands was placed on top of Makoto’s lightly, despite the fact that Haru rarely initiated contact.

“Makoto, I have always needed you. I need you to believe that.” The words were spoken with fervour and tinged with desperation, but Makoto just smiled sadly and withdrew his hand from under Harus. He couldn’t do this to himself again, he knew Haru cared, that was obvious, but he couldn’t let hope take root.

“You should probably call Rin, I’m sure he’ll be furious if you don’t. I’ll go pay.”

The taller boy began to stand and put on his jacket followed swiftly by Haru.

“Rin? No, Makoto. Rin and I were not-.”

“Mako?” A painfully familiar, lyrical voice cut Haru off and the brunette closed his eyes briefly in exhaustion. He couldn’t deal with this right now, but he turned around anyway to greet the petite woman standing behind him, she was adorned in hospital scrubs, black hair pulled up messily into a ponytail with dark smudges under her light blue eyes. It was a moment of staggering deja vu. 

“Misa.”

She didn’t look like she’d aged a day, and despite her run-down appearance she glowed with a happiness he hadn’t seen towards the end of their relationship.

“I thought that was you!” She beamed and reached up to hug him, pressing soft lips against his cheek. It caused a wave of melancholic familiarity to wash over him. A throat was cleared, and she parted from him sheepishly. 

“Misa, this is Haru.” The woman’s friendly smile stayed in place but her eyes sharpened as she took in Haru with renewed interest, offering her hand to shake, that Haru took with poorly disguised reluctance. 

“Haru as in Australia Haru?” She asked with mischief dancing in her eyes and Makoto bit back a groan. He’d been quite transparent with Misa about his past feelings for Haru when they’d been together but now, he was regretting the honesty. Misa looked as if she was about to make a cheeky comment when he intervened quickly.

“Yes, I’m just working a case for him.” He said trying to stress the work part to her before she made an insinuation that Haru definitely wouldn’t overlook. As he had his back to the raven, he missed the fleeting look of hurt that crossed his face before it fell back into its neutral position, but Misa didn’t. She hummed thoughtfully as someone at the counter called out her name. 

“Ah well, I gotta get this, Seiko hates it when his noodles are cold.” 

Ice seemed to coalesce in Makotos veins at the name, predatory eyes and an oily smile flashed in his mind.

“Seiko?” Makoto choked out past the nausea building in his throat. 

“Yeah, my partner. Anyway, I’ve got to go, it was good to see you Mako, and you Haru!” Misa left them both with a wave that the brunette barely registered it. He knew they had arrested Seiko after the trafficking bust and plenty of people had that name, but he needed to know. He passed Haru his wallet telling him to meet him outside once he’d paid, ignoring the concerned glance sent his way.

His felt lightheaded and feverish, the tie around his neck was suddenly too tight, it was restricting his airflow causing his breath to escape in short gasps. He used a hand to try tug it loose while the other pulled out his phone.

Sousuke picked up on the first ring.

“Mako what’s up?” 

“You still at the office?” Makoto asked trying to keep his voice composed but not quite managing to hide the strained breathless quality it had attained.

“Yeah, got the stalker all booked and cozy in a cell.” Sousuke sounded tired but Makoto needed this small reassurance. 

“Can you search the system for Seiko Kusumoto?” He heard Sousuke pause, clearly recognising the name before the clacking of keyboard keys could be heard, the brunette held his breath.

“Killed in a prison riot last year. Makoto are you okay?” The man in question let out a shaky laugh, head leaning back against the brick wall of the restaurant. Fear slowly loosening its vice like grip on his chest for the second time that night.

“Yeah, I’m- yeah. It’s nothing.”

                   .                        .                      .

The trip back to the house was as silent as the one there, except this time it was Makoto sitting in a pensive state while Haru was the one throwing him concerned glances. The brunette could barely remember the drive home, nor wishing the other goodnight. His head was full of the events that had happened in such a short amount of time, it was almost too much to process. Despite this though exhaustion crept in quickly, allowing sleep to dig its claws into him, but it couldn’t keep away the nightmares.

He woke with a jolt, a silent shout on his lips, body slick with sweat and heart racing as if he’d had too much caffeine. Despite the terror sitting comfortably under his skin, the dream was slipping from his grasp like water through a crack leaving nothing but uneasiness behind.

Makoto tried to swallow but his mouth was dry, bringing no relief. So, he swung his legs off his bed and padded silently downstairs, moving immediately to the kitchen and downing a glass of water. Once he filled up a second one, he noticed a muted light in the living room as if the tv was on and moved towards it, fully expecting to see Sousuke settled on the couch as he had been so many times before. Instead, he was met with the sight of Haru huddled into the corner of it legs curled into his chest while his arms wrapped them close. There was an ocean documentary playing quietly on the TV bathing Haru in a blue light causing him to look impossible small and forlorn.

“Haru?” Makoto spoke softly but, the other lost in the documentary or more likely his thoughts, still jumped at the unexpected noise.

“Makoto.” Big blue eyes fixed on him, and Makoto became aware that he was in nothing but his boxers, skin still shiny with sweat and his face was probably pale and drawn as was typical after one of his nightmares.

“Are you okay?” They asked the question at the same time just half a beat out of synch, causing both men to pause and chuckle. Makoto moved to sit on the couch at the opposite end.

“You answer first.” He encouraged gently, not wanting to push but knowing it would help the other to talk. Haru moved to face him, crossing his legs and fiddling distractedly with his fingers before running a hand through his fringe and letting out a trembling breath.

“I was so scared. I felt so helpless. So weak. I hated it. I haven’t felt like that since-.” The raven cut himself off and turned his head quickly to the side, shame lurking under the surface of his words at the admission. Makoto couldn’t keep still; it went against every cell in his body to keep away from Haru right then and this time he didn’t fight the impulse. Moving slowly so Haru could move away if wanted to Makoto took one of his hands and held it in his own, it caused Haru to stare straight into his eyes, blue meeting green once again.

“Haru, fear is not the absence of strength. In fact, I think it’s a part of it. Being afraid and still being able to act is the epitome of strength in my eyes.” Haru looked away again just a flicker of his eyes, the voice that followed was small and haunted.

“I shot someone.”

Pain welled up in Makoto at the words, he should’ve been there. So Haru didn’t have to feel this way, he should’ve been the one to pull the trigger so Haru could live forever without knowing how it felt, the burden one carries when you do.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there Haru. You don’t deserve to feel this way, but you are a good person. The best person, you’re actions tonight don’t change that. That man came to hurt you and you defended yourself.”

Haru was looking at him with a blush high on his cheekbones, the colour of sakura, it was so beautiful he wanted to touch it, the hand not holding Harus twitching with the urge to do so.

“Thank you, Makoto.” The brunette only smiled in response eyes closed and head tilted in a way that made him look seventeen again. When his eyes opened again, he noticed that Haru was still wearing the strangely familiar orange and yellow shirt. It seemed too big on the other mans lithe frame, swallowing him whole and hanging off one pale shoulder, revealing his collarbone in a way that caused Makoto to ache with a longing that until recently he’d thought dead and buried.

“That shirt,” He started, causing Haru to twitch violently, his expression resembling that of a deer caught in the headlights. “Have you always had it? It seems familiar.”

Colour rushed once again to the ravens' cheeks, distracting Makoto for a moment before he wondered what could be embarrassing about the question.

“Yes.” Haru mumbled looking towards the tv clearly wanting to avoid any further discussion on the topic. Makoto chuckled at his friends' slight pout before moving to grab a blanket and drape it over the two of them. He’d moved closer to fit them both comfortably under it, thighs pressed against each other, hands still clasped. As they tuned into the tv once more, Haru lay his head on Makotos shoulder, surrounding the brunette with the scent of chlorine that seemed ingrained into the others skin.

“I’m not dating Rin.” The raven spoke quietly almost a whisper, but Makoto heard it as if it were a shout, and for once he didn’t try to curb the slight fluttering of his heart against his rib cage.

If the two men fell asleep tangled together on the couch, then no one had to know.

Except Sousuke who took a picture.

It wasn’t until the next day though that Haru realised that Makoto had never answered the question of whether he was okay.