Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Ughhh,” Beidou groaned, bare shoulders slumping in defeat. “Party’s over, men! My stick-in-the-mud girlfriend’s here, tch…”

All the men’s eyes were averted from the middle of Third Round Knockout, as their captain stood half-naked atop the centermost table. Earlier in the sweltering heat of the late summer night, Beidou had drunkenly tossed aside her qipao and cape - leaving her wearing only her low-cut leotard and boots - leaving very little to the imagination.

Only one person in the pub was looking up at the spectacle: a newly arrived, and thoroughly unamused Ningguang.

“I’m your wife, Beidou.”

“Yeaaah, yeaaah,” Beidou slurred, loosely waving a hand off. “Wife, girlfriend - whatever! We still have sex either way, wha's the diff’rence?”

“Beidou!”

Heat flooded Ningguang’s cheeks - the same going with the Crux men, who all awkwardly fidgeted with the first thing they could, as if they didn’t hear a thing in the world.

“That’s it - get off the table.”

“What if I don’t wanna?” Beidou stuck her nose up in the air. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

“You don’t want to find out.”

“Oooh...” The captain wiggled her eyebrows, a mischievous smirk playing on her lips. “I’ve really been a bad pirate now, haven’t I, Tianquan? Ya gonna punish me again tonight?”

“What?! N-no!” An even more furious blush spread across Ningguang’s entire face now. “That’s- Beidou, that’s not what’s happening!”

Oh, the men wanted nothing more but to crawl up into a ball and die right then and there as much as the Tianquan did.

“Aww… Tha’s not what we’re doing? Not having a round two?”

“No! Beidou, I’m serious - come here right this second-”

A pig-like snort burst from the captain. “That’s what she said-”

“BEIDOU!”

That was enough to make the woman clamp her mouth shut, it seemed.

“For god’s sake, Beidou! Pull yourself together and get down here right now, and don’t make me repeat myself again orelsyouresleepingonthefloortonight!”

Ningguang panted, out-of-breath, a vein throbbing in her temple, making the usually composed and poised Tianquan look absolutely deranged in this moment. Swear to Rex Lapis, if this woman still doesn’t stop humiliating her and start getting herself together, Ningguang was going to drag her by the hair and drag her bare ass along the harbor’s cold hard cobblestone ground-

“Alright, alriiight!”

“Geez!” Beidou put her hands up in surrender. “Geez, no need to get your panties in a knot…”

At last, the captain unceremoniously hopped off the table with a thud. Before Beidou’s wobbly legs could buckle, Ningguang quickly slung her wife’s arm over her shoulder, supporting her body weight - her heavy body weight, for that matter.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Ningguang dismissed when the Crux men scurried over to help. “I can handle it.”

“Are- are you sure, Lady Ningguang?” the burliest of the group asked, biting down on his lip in worry.

“Oi, I’m still here!” Beidou butted in. “Can handle myself jus’ fine, thank you. I don’t need no man - or woman - to help me-”

As soon as she pried herself off of the Tianquan, Beidou almost went crashing into a nearby table, if not for Ningguang pulling her back to their previous position.

“Oops. Hehe…” A lopsided grin formed, and Beidou wrapped her other arm around Ningguang’s shoulder in an attempt at a lazy hug. “Fine - guess I’ll just hold onto my wife. Which is Ningguang. Ningguang is my wife. My stick-in-the-mud wife. My beautiful, pain-in-the-ass wife…”

A sigh escaped Ningguang’s lips as Beidou carried on with her drunken ramble.
“Thank you for calling me, Juza.”

Another one of the men handed over the captain’s clothes to Ningguang. Despite the drunk woman’s stubbornness (“It’s hot as fuck! I’m not in the mood to sweat out more in that extra-ass costume!”), her wife’s persuasion (a.k.a. death glares and death threats) triumphed and managed to get her into her clothes.

With the Tianquan insisting to the still concerned men that she can take the captain home alone, the couple finally left the pub.

-----

“What the hell were you thinking?!”

After much challenge moving with the muscular captain slung over her smaller shoulder, Ningguang was finally out of earshot of any passerby as they now walked along the grassy outskirts.

“Stripping down to practically your underwear?” Ningguang gritted through her teeth. “In a bar full of men?!”

“Pffshh, it’s jus' my men! They’re- they're good men, that lot! They don’t look at me that way!”

“They are still men, and you are still a woman!”

“Boo! You’re so old-school, Ningguang - it's the new age!”

“And you are so irresponsible! What happened to their respectable captain?!”

“Relaaax, that’s jus' how we are!” Beidou rested her head on Ningguang’s shoulder as they continued down the path. “One of us get’s the most drunk… but it’s all good and all back to professional shit the next mornin’.
“Juza get’s all drunk and weepy and he’s the show fer one night… Sometimes them women join and Furong get’s all drunk and nasty with us and shit-”

Ningguang stopped in her tracks, stiffening.

“‘Drunk and nasty’?”

“Eh?”

“Furong gets ‘drunk and nasty’ with you?” Ningguang harshly shrugged Beidou's head off of her shoulder, shooting her a fiery glare. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh- ohhh. Yeah, that doesn’t mean what ya think it does, hehe…” Beidou sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck. “She jus’ tries to pick up other women and stuff while we watch - non-crewmates. She’s a hit or miss with them, really-”

“And you like the show? Hm?”

“Nahhh, I close my eyes when stuff already happens.” Beidou covered her lone eye with one hand, then cheekily peeked through it. “See?”

Ningguang clenched her jaw, still unamused. “You shouldn’t drink with her.”

“Pfft, that’s my crewmate. What am I supposed to do - ban her from crew parties or something?”

No response.

“... But fineee.” With a sigh, again, the captain put a hand up in surrender. “I promise I won’t drink when she’s there, if that’s what my wife wants.
“But, just so you know-” she added - “Even if I get blackout wasted, you’re the only one I wanna get drunk and nasty with. For the rest of my life.”

Beidou swooped in to give her wife a sloppy kiss on the cheek, grinning stupidly after.

“Wow. How romantic.” Ningguang rolled her eyes, hoisting Beidou’s arm up before continuing down the path.

-----

“Take off your clothes, Beidou.”

At last, the couple was finally back home - in their shared simple home in the outskirts, away from the harbor. Miraculously, Ningguang somehow managed to push the captain up the stairs, toss her into their bedroom, and make her sit down on the edge of their bed.

“Aha!” Beidou jabbed a finger in the air. “I knew it!”

“What?”

“You really wanna get me outta my clothes, don’tcha?” Beidou smirked. “Secretly enjoyed the teaser in the pub, eh?”

“You’re going to take a bath, idiot.”

“You mean we?”

“No - just you,” Ningguang stressed, folding her arms. “You’re not going to sleep in our room smelling like that.”

Beidou paused for a while - eye darting, seemingly thinking intently. For a moment, Ningguang could have sworn she saw the ghost of a smirk flicker over her, but all Beidou said was:

“Sure.”

Hairpin pulled out, brown locks freely cascaded down toned shoulders. The captain slowly combed through her hair - her arm at an angle that deliberately flexed her muscles.

A gloved hand was brought up to her teeth. Looking Ningguang dead in the eye, Beidou bit down on the fabric and started pulling it off.

Ningguang’s cheeks flushed at the sight, making her break eye contact and turn around.

“Beidou-” Ningguang cleared her throat, still not looking. “Hurry up.”

“Can’t wait anymore, Tianquan?” Ningguang swore she could hear that woman’s smirk through her tone.

“I can’t wait for that awful stench of sweat and beer to get off of you.”

“Ah.” A low chuckle resonated from the captain. “Who am I to keep the lady waiting?”

The sound of shuffling and clothes being thrown to the floor, and-

Thud.

A soft thud of a body hitting the mattress, and Ningguang finally looked back at the captain.

Beidou was now posing on the bed - completely nude, except for her eyepatch. Lying on her side, she only propped herself up by an elbow - resting the side of her head on her hand.

“I’m all yours, my lady.” Beidou flashed her most charming grin. “Hell, ‘cause I’m feelin’ kinda kind tonight, I’ll let you be on top.”

Ningguang slowly looked her up and down, eyes unknowingly roaming - before shutting close as she let out an exhale.

“No.”

“No?”

“We’re not doing that. Not while you’re drunk.”

“Aww. But I’m your wife!” Beidou complained. “Not just some girl ya just picked up from some bar!”

“You’re my drunk wife. And your men might argue that you are a girl that I recently picked up from the bar.”

With a groan, Beidou lazily flopped down from her pose to now lie on her back.
“I’m willing to lay it all on the line, and you still don’t want me? Damn, what’s a woman gotta do?”

“Take a bath and go to sleep first: That’s what you have to do. We’ll talk more when you’re sober tomorrow.”

Ningguang approached the bed and extended her hand - which, surprisingly, Beidou took without another word.

But before Ningguang could pull her up and toss her in the bathroom-

“Beidou!”

The captain had already pulled her on top of her.

“Beidou-” Ningguang tried to get up and escape, but a bear hug tightened around her. “Go to the bathroom.”

“Lie down with me first.”

“I’m lying on top of you. And you’re still naked.”

“Pff, it’s not like that’s the first time.”

“You are absolutely shameless.”

Again, Ningguang tried to squirm away. And again, Beidou kept her locked in an embrace - now also peppering her with rough kisses all over her face. With a sigh, Ningguang couldn’t do anything but relent.

After a while, the kisses stopped, and Beidou settled in silence - only staring at the Tianquan with a glazed look in her lone eye.

“Ning.”

“Are you finally ready to go to the bath now?”

“Thanks.”

“Hm...?” Ningguang raised an eyebrow.

“Thanks for being patient with me.”

A scoff escaped the Tianquan. “Where did that come from?”

“Just- I kinda know that I’m always stubborn. And drunk as fuck. And a headache.”

“And a smelly, sweaty brute.”

“Yeah, yeaaah - and that, heh,” Beidou shook her head, though she smiled to herself. “But you still put up with me. So- y’know…

... Thanks for loving me.”

A pause. Ningguang stared at the captain, thinking what to say at the unexpected turn - before replying:

“You really are drunk.”

“Oi, that all you have to say?” Beidou’s brows knitted together. “Damn, I’m pouring my heart out here! Alcohol makes ya spill the truth or whatever, right?”

“You are such a disgusting, sappy mess.” Ningguang rolled her eyes. “Tough Uncrowned Lord of the Ocean, suddenly turned into a lovestruck teenager. Hah, what’s that all about?”

“Just-” A grunt. “Just shut up and come ‘ere.”

Before Ningguang could talk, her head was roughly pushed down onto Beidou’s bare breasts, muffling a gasp. She tried to lift her head up to shoot a glare - but Beidou easily pushed her back into the same spot, laughing to herself.

“Bei-” Pushed back again, with a roar of laughter. And again, and again, until Ningguang - though still annoyed to high heaven - was too tired to scold and struggle.

An amused Beidou let her slightly shuffle in her position, at least, so that her head was now resting on her chest more comfortably. Last few remnants of her laughter slowly died down, and Beidou hugged her close to her chest in silence.

“Ugh. You really are such a headache,” Ningguang grumbled to herself.

Silence.

“You always make the house reek of sweat and beer, you’re the most stubborn and shameless person in Teyvat-”

Silence.

“-You make me want to pull all my hair out, you-"

Zzz…

“Beidou...?”

Terribly loud snores filled the room. Like a pig grunting- no, like an earthquake rumbling- well, maybe it was a mix of that sort.

Ningguang was finally able to lift her head up, and sure enough:

Beidou was knocked out cold. Mouth hanging wide open, snoring like a beast.

Ningguang scoffed, shaking her head - though more endearingly than irritatedly, really.

This woman.

This woman, with the audacity to doze off in the middle of Ningguang’s spiel after everything she went through for her.

This woman, with absolutely no shame - a completely naked, sweaty, beer-smelling mess sprawled on Ningguang’s clean imported sheets.

Ningguang could go on and on about this woman.

This stubborn, shameless, drunk headache of a woman - the woman that she’d be spending the rest of her life with.

Ningguang gently pried the muscular arms off of her, careful not to wake her wife as she slipped out of bed. After successfully slipping out the room, brought back with her were a damp washcloth used to wipe the sweat off of the captain’s body and a white robe used to dress her in fresh nightwear.

Finally, Ningguang carefully took off Beidou’s eyepatch - careful enough not to startle her. And just as carefully, she brushed Beidou’s bangs out of the way and planted a chaste kiss on the scarred eye.

The woman was knocked out cold too much to the point that her usually alert captain self didn’t even notice. Not even when Ningguang crawled back into the sheets and back into her arms. Not even when Ningguang watched her sleep long enough to memorize every detail etched on her face. Not even when Ningguang whispered:

“You really do make me want to pull all my hair out." Ningguang let out a soft sigh – though also more endearingly than irritatedly, really - then planted another kiss on Beidou's eyelid.

“... But you're always welcome, my captain.”

No matter how many times she’ll have to walk alone in the dead of night to pick her up from a bar, this stubborn, shameless, drunk headache of a woman - the woman that she’d be spending the rest of her life with - would always be welcomed back home. No matter how pissed, no matter how livid, no matter how annoyed to high heaven at her wife she would get, at the end of the day...

Ningguang would always love her.

Ningguang would never admit that to Beidou while she’s sober, of course.

Perhaps she just has to get knocked out for another round before hearing that "disgusting, sappy mess" again.