Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Levi sighed as he leaned against the cool brick wall. His whole body ached from the day's stress and his head pounded. He drained his beer and a groan. No matter how much he drank, his mind wouldn't be still. Why wouldn't Erwin listen to him? It's not like he was being unreasonable asking him to stay back. He was just looking out for Erwin's best interest and the best interest of everyone else. Why was he the only person that seemed to care about the well-being of the commander? Maybe I should just break his legs, he thought. At least then he couldn’t throw his life away like this. Stupid bastard. Stupid, selfish-  

Familiar voices cut his drunken fuming short. It was Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. What are the brats still doing up? Fuck it, I can’t be bothered. He leaned his head against the wall and tried to shut them out. They sounded so damn happy. How could they be happy before embarking on a dangerous mission? Didn't they realize what was at stake here? What was there to be happy about? Instead of passing on, they sat on the steps, reflecting on life as if they were grown up. Levi didn’t care. Not tonight. Eren was opining about the power of friendship and how they were stronger together. God, this brat thinks he knows everything sometimes. Petra taught him about all that shit and now he’s passing it off like it’s his own idea to impress his girlfriend. What a joke. He stopped listening after that. He briefly lost himself in thought.

“Alright then!” Armin exclaimed, “Let’s start by finding the sea! I can tell you still don’t think it’s real, Eren. You’ll see, it does exist!” 

“Heh, ok fine. I guess we’ll have to check it out then.” was Eren’s humoring reply.  

Levi heard Armin’s excited rambling, continuing to convince his friend that they would explore the outside world and find a bunch of places that Levi had never heard of. It ended with Eren promising to go find the sea. Or something like that. The kids seemed to move on after that, leaving Levi with their conversation ringing in his ears. 

God damn these stupid brats and their stupid dreams. God damn everyone and their stupid dreams. He drained his beer and threw his mug against the wall across from him. And God damn you, Erwin Smith.   

Squad Leader Erwin Smith gazed out his office window. Sunshine flooded the courtyard below, casting shadows between the surrounding pillars. Birds’ songs wafted through the air and the scent of fresh cut grass filled his nose. If only he didn’t have a mountain of paperwork on his desk keeping him office-bound. How he longed for a world without Titans, responsibilities and this god-damned paperwork. It will all be worth it one day. Erwin let out a long sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. 

Chattering of scouts below caught his attention and his eyes followed the group below. They laughed and jostled each other, one or two shouting about something. Ah, to be so care-free. At least they can have days like today when we aren’t working them too hard. A lone scout trailed behind the group, his eyes turned up to the sky. The scout’s small stature and permanent scowl were unmistakable.

Levi  

Erwin paused with his eyes transfixed on the new recruit. It had been 2 weeks since that day. 2 weeks since Levi had stared him down with pain and anger in his face. 2 weeks since Erwin had asked Levi to help him save humanity. 2 weeks since Levi joined the cause for real. From the start, Erwin found the thug fascinating. A self-taught ODM user? He didn’t think it was possible. The memory of the way he moved and evaded Erwin’s men like it was nothing flooded Erwin’s mind. It was a wondrous sight to behold. Since then, Levi had only proved himself more talented than anyone-including Erwin-could have imagined. After defeating those Titans, he gained more respect from everyone. Despite the respect, trust did not follow suit, with several still harboring misgivings about the former criminal, including their commander. Sure, Shadis respected Levi’s abilities, but he was not sold on Erwin’s “pet project” as he called it. It was fine in the beginning. The commander had been one of Erwin’s most vocal supporters before the expedition. Since that day, however, things had changed.  

“The man is a liability, and no amount of killing Titans will change my mind.” the commander stated earlier that day.  

Erwin interjected, “But sir-”

“You made a bet and for now, it’s paying off. I’ll grant you that. He has already shown that he doesn’t work in a team. He’s a liability and I refuse to force him on my squad leaders any longer! What happens if he decides to turn on us again? You saw it coming last time, but will you be able to see it next time?”

“He’s not going to turn on us again. He didn’t have a choice last time but now he has no reason to get bought off.”

“He has a bad attitude and he’s a loner. That’s a bad combo if you ask me. He hasn’t even been through the proper training like everyone else.”

“He’s had all the training he needs from his life underground.”

“Listen, I like the guy, really I do, but no one wants to work with him after they found out about the little scheme to kill you.”

“Is that the only reason for all this?”

“What are you implying?”

“He’s talented and worth a whole squad of scouts in and of himself. Who cares if he’s difficult to work with?” Erwin replied, “If they are afraid he’ll try to kill them, then give him to me. I trust him.”

“You have other duties to attend to, Squad Leader.”  

“Let him join my squad. I’ll monitor him. The soldiers in my squad trust me enough to trust Levi. At least, they will have to.”

“We agreed that the Underground recruits would be handled by others. You’re too close to this to be objective. How do I know you won’t let him walk all over you?”

“With respect, I’m not the only one biased in this situation.”  

“You forget yourself, Erwin.” Shadis shot back, his face flushing.  

“Begging your pardon, Commander, but I don’t think I am.”  

“How dare you come here and question my objectivity? You are a brilliant man, Erwin. I have trusted you with more than I would trust anyone else under me with and you have handled it admirably. Without you, we wouldn’t even be here. However, you’re not infallible. Levi is a blind spot for you. Anyone can see that.” Shadis said.  

“Sir, we need men. Our people die in expeditions, eroding trust and funding. Levi is a lone wolf, I will grant you that, but he can care about his comrades and work with others. Both you and I know he is the best natural-born soldier we have ever seen in our ranks.”

“If he cannot improve, what then? Hmm?” Shadis crossed his arms in front of his body. “No matter how talented he is, if he keeps getting people killed because he can’t be a teammate, it counts for nothing.” 

“So? We lose more soldiers. And possibly the best soldier we will ever have.” Erwin said. “Since when do you have a problem with sending people to their deaths, Commander?”   

Shadis opened and closed his mouth before sinking into his chair with a sigh. “Fine. He’s your responsibility from now on. Erwin, if he becomes a liability and scouts lose their lives because of him, it’s on you.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Erwin replied with a nod and walked to the door of the commander’s office.  

“Erwin?” 

“Yes, Sir?” Erwin paused with his hand on the doorknob.  

“I  want Levi to be successful as much as you do. Your plan is good. I just hope it pays off.” 

“Thank you, Sir.” 

With that, he’d departed the commander’s office. A grin spread over his face and his heart danced in his chest. He had wanted Levi on his squad from day one. Shadis’ excuses had been feeble at best and Erwin’s waiting game had finally paid off. It was only a matter of time until Levi would be allowed on Erwin’s squad. 

Erwin smiled to himself as he turned back to his work. He would tell Levi personally later, when he got the chance. The thought of working up close with this extraordinary man sent electricity surging through him. His mind raced at the possibilities. His brains, and Levi’s skill? The Titans wouldn’t see it coming. Where others saw a common criminal from the Underground, Erwin saw someone who gave him hope for the future. He was almost superhuman.  

Still, Erwin pondered, does he resent me for making him join the Scouts? Despite his efforts, he couldn’t shake off this persistent thought. Sure, it wasn’t like Levi would be the first to hate him. Plenty of people did already. But with Levi, it was different. I’ll have to ask him later. A commander must have the absolute trust of his soldiers, after all. Yeah, that was it. He was Levi’s superior officer and thus should have his respect and trust of this was going to work. 

The moon glowed in the clear night sky. It was still early enough in the year that the evenings brought a chill. Levi sat on his rooftop perch, as he usually did on nights like tonight. Out here, he was closer to Furlan and Isabel. 

It had been 2 weeks since that awful day. 2 weeks since he came face-to-face with true evil. 2 weeks since his world turned upside down. 2 weeks since the only one who had kept him from falling was the one person he had wanted dead more than anything in that moment. Funny how fast things change. They’d laugh if they could see me now. They wouldn’t be able to believe that I actually want to work for the Scouts or that I would want to save humanity. Levi could still hear Isabel’s giggle. He knew she would giggle if he could tell her what had happened since that day. If only he could hear her call him Bro one more time. Before, it annoyed him so much, but now... 

A familiar voice brought him out of his thoughts.  

“Ah Levi, there you are.”  

Erwin’s imposing form stood in the doorway, backlit by lamps in the passageway behind. Levi’s mouth went dry and he averted his gaze. 

“Sir.” Levi said. 

“May I join you?” Erwin asked, closing the distance between them and settling down beside Levii. “I’m glad I finally found you. I wanted to speak to you about something important.”  

“Oh, yeah?” Levi’s pulse quickened.   

“Yes. I spoke to the commander today, and I have convinced him to let you join my squad.” Erwin said, his gaze piercing through Levi’s very soul.  

“Guess It’s my lucky day.” Levi said with a huff.  

“Indeed it is; for both of us I’d reckon.”

“Damn right,” Levi said, his eyes drifting to the moon above. “Why now?”

“It seems that ever since the others found out you wanted to kill me, they’ve been too afraid to have you on their team,” Erwin replied.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Silence fell between them and Levi wondered why Erwin shifted and fidgeted beside him. Is this idiot nervous around me because I wanted to kill him? He’d been so calm when I had a fucking sword to his throat.

“For you to be on my team, I need your implicit trust. I can’t have soldiers who can’t follow orders.” Erwin said after a few more beats of silence. “So, I need to ask you, do you resent me for bringing you into the scouts? I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”   

The question took Levi aback. Nobody bothered to ask about his feelings on anything. He did what needed to be done and he was either hated or thanked for it-usually the former. He squinted at Erwin, trying to read his stoic face. Erwin’s gaze was steady and unflinching, his eyes great pools as blue as the sky-just like they were on that rainy day. This wasn’t a power trip. The squad leader wanted to know.  

“What happened to no regrets?” Levi asked, keeping a close eye on Erwin’s expression.  

Erwin bowed his head with a smile. “Hmh, well, I don’t regret making you join us, if that’s what you’re asking. I’ve always believed you to be a brilliant fighter. However, that doesn’t mean that you share the same feelings.”

“What does it matter what I feel?” Levi asked. 

“It matters to me,” Erwin replied, his voice sending shivers down Levi’s spine. 

“Well, I can’t argue against that stellar logic I suppose.” Levi replied, rolling his eyes. He paused for a moment, looking out over the wide-open spaces below. Do I resent him? He pondered. He turned his gaze back toward the expectant Erwin. Those eyes. Those damn blue eyes. Why do they make me feel so at home? Why do I feel like I can trust him? I’ve never trusted anyone like that since-no not even Kenny.   

“No, I don’t resent you.” He said, finally. Erwin let out a breath and his face relaxed. Had he been nervous about Levi’s answer? “But that doesn’t mean I won’t later.”  

“I am sure that I will have earned it,” Erwin replied with a smile.  

“Tsk.” 

More silence fell as they digested the new information before Erwin spoke again.  

“Levi, I have confidence that you and I can accomplish remarkable things together. In this fight for humanity, you are the soldier we need, and fighting with you would be an honor.”

This man’s earnestness surprised Levi for the second time that night. His eyes widened ever so slightly. Who just comes out and says shit like that anyway?

Erwin stretched out his hand. “What do you say, Levi? Will you follow me to hell?” 

Levi took his hand in a firm shake. 

“I will, Sir. I’m going there, anyway.” 

“Good,” Erwin said as he stood. “Oh, and Levi?” 

“Yes, Sir?” 

“Drop this ‘Sir’ nonsense. Just call me Erwin.” 

“Sure thing Erwin.” Levi feigned a salute.

Erwin smiled and nodded.  

“Good night, Levi.”  

“Good night, Erwin.” 

The night wore on and Levi remained watching it pass, sleepless as ever. However, he was not battling personal demons this time. He played the conversation over in his head, recalling every minute detail of Erwin’s expressions. A giddiness welled up inside him that he tried to push away. You’re being stupid, Levi, he told himself. He just asked you to join his squad, that’s all. He’s probably just concerned because he blackmailed me into it. But those damn gorgeous eyes, boring into his being lingered in his mind. Surely, Erwin didn’t take this much care for all his men. Levi shook his head at his own foolishness. You are such a damn idiot.

Chapter Text

Levi’s transition had been far more seamless than anyone would have predicted. Erwin found himself pleasantly surprised at it himself. While Levi retained everything that made him, well, Levi. he also listened to and respected  Erwin’s commands. Well, for the most part. If it hadn’t been for Levi’s snide remarks and constant sarcasm, Erwin would have been suspicious. As time went on, Erwin found himself relying more and more on Levi. Maybe it was the blunt honesty of the other that made Erwin trust him so much. After all, Erwin always knew where he stood with that little spitfire. Levi proved invaluable at seeing out Erwin’s orders even if he questioned them first. When the section commander was unavailable, he would often appoint Levi as the leader. He would include him in his plans, asking for his opinion and genuinely valuing his input. Levi was by no means a master strategist like his superior officer, but he understood the on-the-ground operations extremely well and often had helpful feedback for the squad leader.  

Initially, the squad resisted granting Levi extensive freedom, feeling it unfair for this punk to be privileged while they worked hard for their own positions. However, Levi’s performance as a Titan slayer quickly put the unease to rest. After their next expedition, most of them knew they would be dead if it wasn’t for his extraordinary abilities. They even seemed to grow fond of him. Levi resisted vehemently at first and tolerated it as time went on. Hange took an immediate shine to Levi, Erwin noticed and did their best to befriend him. Erwin often watched Hange’s vain attempts at it with a smile. Yet, Levi never rejected them outright which in his own way seemed to mean he liked it. At least, that’s what Erwin had come to understand of him. 

Levi maintained independence and resisted conformity despite positive changes. This was often frustrating for his comrades, but to Erwin, it was a breath of fresh air. Though Erwin was outwardly a very rigid person, he loathed the establishment. He understood reality and relentlessly pursued positive change, even if it meant solitude. After joining the Scouts, Erwin learned to keep his opinions to himself.

He found a kindred spirit in Levi. Levi voiced what Erwin couldn’t express. As a result, the two men spent increasing amounts of time together. Erwin would seek Levi’s company whenever he could. He felt oddly at ease with this man and soon regarded him as a close friend. Erwin’s ambition and strategic mindset led to a solitary existence. Unlike Erwin’s peers, Levi listened to him with rpt attention when he discussed the ins and outs of politicking and engaged with it in his own sarcastic way. 

Erwin was also in possession of quite a number of books, which Levi took full advantage of. Erwin was thrilled to let Levi stay late and indulge in his love for reading. The lack of books in the Underground made Ewin’s collection seem like the biggest library in the world to Levi. His mind was an active one, and these books provided hours of education and entertainment for him. Erwin saw it as a chance to spend time with Levi. He enjoyed watching Levi discover the works that had sparked something in himself as well, and it made for even more interesting conversations between the two. 

One evening, as Levi sat in Erwin’s office buried in a book. Erwin was supposed to be working but he found his gaze wandering to Levi. His furrowed brow and deep concentration sent warmth throughout Erwin’s body. 

“If you keep staring like that, you’re going to make me think you’re some kind of pervert.” Levi said, seemingly never taking his eyes off his book. 

 “Enjoying your book?” he questioned,  pretending to go back to his work.  

“Tsk. No. I just like staring at the pages.” Levi retorted, meeting Erwin’s gaze with a hint of a twinkle in his eyes. Erwin shook his head.  

“I walked into that one.” he admitted before returning to his work. Despite himself, he liked the sarcastic jabs that Levi threw. It was a refreshing change of pace, given his own active mind. It kept him on his toes, sending a thrill throughout him as he anticipated each new comment. He smiled to himself before his mind wandered to the bag in his drawer.

“I have a surprise for you, actually.Don’t ask me how or where I got it but-” He reached into his desk and pulled out a small drawstring bag and passed it to Levi. 

“Don’t tell me you got us friendship bracelets.” Levi said with a smirk.  

“If I had known that’s what you wanted, I wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of getting you your favorite tea.” Erwin smirked back as Levi opened his present. Inside were several servings’ worth of loose-leaf black tea. Levi caught a whiff of its earthy aroma with a fruity and perfumy edge to it. Levi breathed it in deeply and let out a long sigh.Levi’s deep scowl softened into an actual smile and Erwin couldn’t help the swell in his chest at the sight.

“I hope you like it.” He said tentatively. Levi looked up at him. Erwin observed a new boyish happiness on his face. Erwin breathed a sigh of relief at the sight. It warmed his heart to see this joy in his friend.  

“How did you do that?” Levi asked, amazed. Getting this specific tea was a challenge. While everyone knew Levi’s affection for black tea, Levi himself was the only one privy to his true favorite.  

“I have my ways,” Erwin said, winking at him.  

Levi suddenly stood up and walked towards the door. “I am making us some tea. Come on, take a break for once.” 

“Oh I, um-”

“That wasn’t a question, Blondie. Come on.” 

Erwin’s grin widened as he scrambled to catch up with Levi. The late hour left the corridors empty, the others likely retired to their barracks for the night. Erwin’s eyes never left Levi as they went. Just the way he moved fascinated Erwin-his grace and speed hypnotizing. Through the halls and down a flight of stairs they walked, finding a small room with a stove and kettle - an officer’s break room of sorts. After putting the kettle on, Levi found an old teapot and a couple of cups. He washed all three items out before measuring the tea into the teapot. The deftness with which Levi moved mesmerized Erwin. He couldn’t believe that such a fierce fighter was also so delicate with things like this.  

Erwin sat at the table, the small smile and comforting warmth within refusing to leave him. He couldn’t help but admire the care Levi took in preparing their tea. I could get used to seeing this side of Levi more often, he thought. He felt oddly at home like this. He almost forgot the worries that plagued him for a moment. Could this be my world without Titans? He pondered before checking himself. What are you saying, Erwin? You want to enjoy domestic civilian life with... his eyes fixated on Levi as he poured the boiling water into the teapot. He couldn’t shake the warm feeling of comfort and affection for this man. It was so natural when they were together. He didn’t have to put up a front with Levi. Hell, if he tried, Levi would call him out on it in no time flat. Erwin’s heart fluttered at that. Life was good just like this.  

Levi turned to face him, teapot and cups in hand. He paused for a moment before setting the cups on the table. Was that a blush on Levi’s face? 

After pouring them both a cup of tea, Levi sat across the table from Erwin. The aroma wafted from their cups and filled Erwin’s senses. He glanced at Levi as he gripped his cup by its rim and took a sip. His eyes closed and a small sigh left him. Erwin’s heart skipped a beat and he almost forgot to breathe as a hint of a smile graced Levi’s lips. The stillness of the evening combined with the tea and the delightful company created a feeling of inner calm in Erwin. This. This is what life should be. Levi finally opened his eyes and quirked an eyebrow at Erwin.

“Are you gonna just stare at me all night or are you gonna drink your tea?”

Heat spread over Erwin’s face and he fumbled with his cup. Fuck, he’d stared too long. Hot tea flooded his mouth. Washing away all his embarrassment. Deep earthy notes mixed with smooth amber tones as the warm liquid slid down his throat. A flowery aftertaste lingered in his mouth as the tea warmed every fibre of his being. 

 “Levi, you have good taste.”    

“It’s shocking, I know,” Levi replied as he took another sip. “Glad to know you can appreciate the finer things in life.”  

“I am a man with many hidden interests, you know.” Erwin replied.

“Oh, yeah?” Levi raised his eyebrows. “What kind of hidden interests does an ambitious bastard such as yourself have?” 

Erwin leaned forward, his heart pounding in his chest as Levi’s face grew nearer.

“If I told you, then I wouldn’t be able to surprise you with them later.” He said with a wink.  

“Tch. I don’t like surprises much,” Levi scoffed.  

“You enjoyed this one.”

Levi rolled his eyes but said nothing.   

They sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their tea for some time. It was nice to pause, if only briefly, to enjoy the finer things in life. Erwin was grateful Levi had gotten him to stop with him. Simple pleasures often fell by the wayside for the squad leader because of his laser focus on his career and life goals. Levi knew how to live a simple life, he observed to himself. Maybe that’s why he kept him around. It made him feel more human. Erwin gazed at his friend, his face softening at the sight of Levi relaxed and in his element. Levi’s eyes flicked to Erwin and held his gaze for a moment before darting away once more, a hint of a blush rising on his cheeks. 

“I could almost get used to this.” Levi drawled almost to himself.  

Erwin could only utter a soft “hmmhm”. He wasn’t sure if Levi meant the tea or their time together. If only the dregs in his cup would magically refill and he could justify staying another hour like this. Sadly, his cup stood empty and the weight of his work came crashing back over him.

“I’m afraid I need to return to work,” Erwin said with a sigh as he stood. 

“Slacker” Levi smirked at him. 

“Indeed” Erwin replied as he turned to leave. For a split second, he paused. What if he stayed just a bit longer? He could put it all off to tomorrow and pretend that they were just an ordinary-

Erwin’s mind screeched to a halt. An ordinary what, exactly? It was too dangerous to finish that sentence.

“Good night, Levi.” 

“Night Erwin.” 

The squad leader walked towards the door.  

“Hey Erwin” Levi called from the table. Erwin turned to look at his friend. Please stop me from leaving. The thought flashed through his mind. 

“Yes, Levi?” 

“Thank you.” Levi said with a soft smile.  

“Of course,” Erwin smiled in return.  

Erwin was conflicted as he trudged back to his office. Seeing the joy on Levi’s face had made him happy. More and more these days, Erwin found his mind wandering to Levi. He told himself that it was because Levi was his close friend. Yet, after where his mind wanted to wander, there was more to it than that. Tonight had brought that “more” to the surface of Erwin’s mind. He had denied himself such things his entire career. He had been content to live a lonely life full of purpose. Tonight, he felt a new desire. He wanted more. More than his career, more than his goals. He wanted... No, I can’t. It will only end in heartache and loss. It is completely inappropriate. I have a mission. That is all that matters. That is my purpose. He willed himself to put those thoughts away. No matter how hard he tried, they refused to leave. As he entered his office, he slid against the closed door to the ground, putting his head in his hands. What you want can never be, Erwin. You can’t want this. It is a distraction. You know what you are meant to do.   

But...what if it was possible?   

Alone in his office, he sat on the floor. Eventually, the lights went out, leaving him in darkness. A sense of loneliness like he’d never known before washed over him. He had never experienced such agony before. Not even when he turned his back on a life with Marie. This was a soul-crushing loneliness that only one person could cure. But did Levi even feel the same way? And more importantly, even if he did, what would be the point of pursuing anything? Indulging in the fantasy of a happy life was pointless. Scouts died. That was just a fact of life. Even with Levi being as strong as he was, he’d still end up in the belly of a Titan one day. It was just how their world worked. Or Erwin would end up a Titan’s lunch. Either way, they couldn’t be together like a real couple. Yet, having tasted this happiness, Erwin couldn’t bear to go back to how he used to be before Levi. He let out a groan. This was hell.

Levi watched Erwin leave with a sinking heart. Once alone, a sense of loss overtook him. The evening had been almost perfect. He had found himself smiling more than he was used to. Being with Erwin was easy. It was natural, as if he had always known him. He had never felt like that with anyone else. He had let his guard down, and he wasn’t afraid to do so. Erwin had always seen through his tough guy façade anyway so what was the point of keeping him on the outside? Levi had needed someone to see him in that way. He had wanted it. He glanced at the bag of loose tea leaves that sat on the counter. It may have been small, but it meant so much. Fucking tea. Why did it have to be tea? It was the one thing that Levi unabashedly loved. Could it be? Did Erwin view him as more than a friend and comrade? Levi’s heart quickened at the thought. The urge to run after Erwin and confess his feelings nearly overcame Levi. He nearly rose to approach the door. But at the last second, he resisted. Steady there. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. After all, love isn’t something that you get to have. Erwin could never love you in that way. Why would he?   

Levi got up and snatched the bag of tea. He rushed to the barracks and flung himself on his bunk. Why did he let this situation escalate? He only had himself to blame, he reasoned. One person shows you a little kindness and, just like that, you’ve lost your damn mind. You have yourself all worked up over nothing. He rolled onto his side and took out that precious bag. It smelled so good. It’s just tea, dumbass, he told himself. Still, he tucked the little bundle under his pillow as he lay there, wide awake, his mind racing.  

God damn that Erwin Smith.   

Chapter Text

With the arrival of summer, Levi made sure to spend as much time outdoors as possible. In the Underground, days like these were merely a distant dream-a wistful thought in the persistent night. In his rare downtime, he would leave Trost and find a quiet, secluded spot in the countryside somewhere. Early on, he had discovered a grassy knoll with a small glade. Here, he had the chance to bask in the summer’s warmth without getting too hot and delight in the simple pleasures of the season. 

Summer flowers mingling with warm grass filled the air with a sweet fragrance and only the buzzing insects and singing birds could be heard. Out here, the stench and chaos of Trost and humanity seemed to be a distant memory. Levi let out a long sigh and let every sensation sink in-the warm sun on his face, the light breeze ruffling his hair, and the rough bark against his back. In the tranquility of nature, Levi was able to fully relax and appreciate the freedom that he had gained in the past months since leaving the Underground. If only Furlan and Isabel were here to witness this. He smiled at the thought of them enjoying these summer days together. He could almost hear Isabel’s squeals amidst the birds, flowers, and grass praising the beauty surrounding her. Furlan would also be excited but he'd be more reserved about it. He’d probably be examining the flora and fauna of the area or identifying birds by their call. 

A lump formed in his throat and his chest tightened at the silence that surrounded him. No laughter or chatter-just the quiet murmur of nature. Levi drew his knees to his chest, burying his face in his arms. Oh, how he longed for those two! Why them? Why were they the ones eaten? Why couldn’t it have been him? Tears welled up in his eyes and his throat tightened. He took gasping, heaving breaths, will this unwanted wave of sorrow back down to the abyss where it belonged. Despite his best efforts, a few tears dripped out. I told them not to come. I thought I was capable of doing it alone. What’s wrong with me? Isabel’s disembodied head staring blankly up at him flashed across his memory. They weren’t cut out of Titan slaying. Why did he have to drag them into his fights? They should have led peaceful, happy lives inside the walls, never knowing the terror of those monsters. Tears streamed unchecked from his eyes and into his jacket sleeves. Everything hurt so much. If only I was a better person. If only I could stop being so selfish, people would stop dying around me and leaving me. The same voice that had haunted him since Kenny left whispered in his ear with that familiar mantra. 

For the first time, however, there was another voice joining in. The new and unfamiliar experience jolted Levi back to reality. Piercing, blue eyes appeared in his mind and that kind-yet-stoic voice echoed in his ears.  

It was impossible for you to have known...  

Half expecting Erwin to be standing in front of him, Levi looked up. Sunlight and branches swaying in the wind greeted him instead. When had he stopped noticing where he was? The grass beneath him, the birds above him, and everything that surrounded him in its gentle embrace brought him back to reality. He sniffed and wiped his eyes that tears blurred. The grief melted off him, pushing away the darkness. It really was a beautiful day. He really was lucky to experience this. He missed his friends and probably always would. But Erwin was right: it was impossible to predict the fatal consequences of his choices. He made his best decision at the time. They were fully aware of the situation they were getting into. I can’t regret this. I won’t regret this. You guys gave up too much for me to regret this opportunity. I will not give in. I will fight.   

Instead of his thoughts dwelling on the past, he became present again. He lay back on the soft grass and stared up at the tree branches overhead. His eyes thoughtfully followed the lines created by them. Lost in an infinite maze, he found contentment. Before he realized it, he had drifted off to sleep. He didn’t dream.  

The sound of his own name awakened him. Levi, wake up Levi! His eyes fluttered open. He took a moment to reorient himself to his surroundings. Clear sky, sun heading towards the horizon, birds singing-but there was something that wasn’t there before he’d fallen asleep. Or rather, someone. 

Hange.

“Hey there sleepy head!” 

“Wha-what are you doing here?” Levi asked.  

“Looking for you. Luckily for me, a few garrison guards saw you ride out this way or else I would have been out here for hours!” They held their hand out to help Levi stand.  

“So, what, now you’re spying on me? You’re even creepier than I thought.” Levi replied, standing on his own.  

“It’s not my fault you’re all dark and mysterious. If you’re not going to tell people where you’re going, don’t blame us when we must launch an investigation on your whereabouts!” Hange teased. “Besides, I wasn’t the one curious about your whereabouts, anyway. Squad Leader Erwin is the one who sent me.”  

“Can’t he give me a moment’s peace?” Levi grumbled. Yet, his heart quickened at the thought that Erwin sent for him. 

“What can I say? The man needs you.” They replied, bumping Levi’s arm.  

“What he needs is a secretary.”  

“Secretaries can’t do what boyfriends do. ” Hange laughed.

“Shut up, weirdo. That’s real mature.”  

“Come on, you’re not exactly subtle about it.”

“About what?” Levi replied, eyeing Hange. What the fuck was this weirdo going on about?

“Don’t be coy. You know what I’m talking about.”  

“Fuck off.” 

“So, you’re not?” 

“Not what?”  

“The Squad Leader’s boyfriend.”  

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no,” Levi said as he tightened his horse’s saddle. “He’s my friend and commanding officer.”  

“Uh-huh.” Hange replied. “So you guys just spend every spare moment together because you’re such good friends?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“And he bought you your favorite tea because he just really cares about you as a friend and subordinate?”

“What the-” Levi paused and glared at Hange. “How did you know?”

“I saw him at the market a while back. I thought it was odd cause he isn’t much of a tea drinker but when you suddenly had your favorite tea, I put two-and-two together.”

“And so that automatically means he and I are together? Some people can just be friends, you know.”

“Sure they can, when they aren’t clearly head over heels for each other.”

“Oh, pardon me. I didn’t realize that giving someone tea meant you were fucking them!” Levi spat. Wait, head over heels? What is Hange even talking about? Is Erwin-no they’re just making assumptions. Levi gulped, shoving his heart back down his throat again. 

“Alright, clearly, I touched a nerve. Sorry I said anything!” they replied, raising their hands.  

“Let’s get back already.” Levi sighed as he gathered himself. “What did Erwin want with me, anyway?” 

“What makes you think he told me?” 

“What, you aren’t curious at all about why he would care if I were around?” Levi rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t ask questions. I simply follow instructions.”  

“Of course, you do.” They looked at each other and burst out laughing.  

“Ok, fine. I asked, but he mentioned that you were supposed to assist him with the upcoming expedition. I am aware that they haven’t even secured funding for the next one, but I assumed I would get more information from you than from him. The man is a brick wall when he wants to be.” 

“And I’m not?” 

“Not always. You’re easier to read than you think you are.” 

“Is that so?” Levi replied, tensing ever so slightly.  

“Well, for me, anyway. But I’m aware I am more observant than your average soldier. If you were the squad leader’s boyfriend, you probably wouldn’t have to worry about anyone finding out.”  

“It’s not a secret. We’re just friends. Now, can we drop this?”  

“Whatever you say, Levi!”

They spurred their horses on faster towards the gates of Trost.  

“Ah! Levi!” Erwin motioned towards the empty chair by his desk. “Have a seat.”  

“You wanted to see me, Squad Leader?” Levi’s scowl caused Erwin to stop in his tracks. 

“Is that a problem?” Erwin asked, searching Levi’s face. 

“No, Sir.”  

“You’re using honorifics so I would beg to differ, Levi,” Erwin replied. Levi’s eyes snapped up to Erwin’s, widening a little before he averted his gaze. “Care to share?”

Levi refused to look at him still as he worried his lip between his teeth.

“Hange interrogated me,” he finally said, flopping into the chair in front of Erwin’s desk.  

“I see. About what?”  

“Asked if you and I were a thing or whatever,” Levi said, still keeping his eyes on the ground. “I shut that down real fast obviously.”  

“And that was offensive to you?” Erwin’s pulse quickened. “That you and I would be in a relationship?” 

“No,” Levi replied in a low voice.  

The breath Erwin did realize he’d been holding in was released and the tension in his body washed away. At least that wasn’t the issue. 

“Right. So, what is the issue in that case?” 

“I just don’t like being the subject of idle gossip, you know?”

“So what is your solution then? Do you want to change squads again? Maybe spend less time together?” Erwin’s heart clenched at the thought of losing any time with his friend. 

“I-” Levi fiddled with his own fingers. “No, I don’t want that.”

“Then what do you want?” Erwin asked, watching Levi’s jaw clench and unclench as he stared at the floor. Just look at me, will you?  

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to be whispered about behind my back is all.”

Levi finally met Erwin’s gaze, his face as unreadable as ever but his brow pinched in a silent plea as if he was hoping Erwin could wave a wand and make it all go away. Erwin’s heart panged at the sight. 

“I wish I could tell them all to stop, but I can’t. People have wild imaginations and our fellow soldiers are looking for any kind of hope they can find in the shadow of the titans.” Erwin knelt in front of Levi as he spoke. “But if it brings you any comfort, Hange seems to be the only one that thinks we are together. Or at least the only one bold enough to say anything.”

“Gee, that’s really helpful,” Levi mumbled. 

“I wish I could say we should keep our distance but I value your friendship too much for that,” Erwin said. “I guess I’m selfish to the core.”    

“You’re not selfish,” Levi replied, rolling his eyes. “Trust me.”

“That so?”                                    

“At the end of the day, we’re all just a bunch of selfish bastards. We’re simply surviving and pretending that things will be fine. I’ve encountered many assholes, but you’re not one.The fact is, you’re one of the least selfish people I have ever met. But nobody is perfect, not even you.” 

Erwin’s face softened. “That’s a very kind thing to say.” 

“You know I wouldn’t blow smoke up your ass if that’s what you’re implying.” 

“I suppose you’re right.” Erwin conceded, standing up. If only you knew just how wrong you are. “ Shall we continue with the task at hand? I suspect that some council members were aware of and supported the man who hired you to kill me.”

“Tch. You want me to go undercover and offer to kill you?” Levi teased. “Cause I would be more than happy to.” 

“I am sure that you would.” Erwin said with a grin. “Fortunately for me, I have a better plan. Unfortunately for you, I think you are going to like it a lot less.” 

“So, what is it?” 

“To secure funding for our next expedition, I need you to come with me to the next council meeting.”

“You’re right: I don’t like it at all.” 

 “I wouldn’t ask you to do this for me if it wasn’t necessary. I don’t want to cause a problem. I simply wish to remind them of their friend’s failure.” Erwin explained.  

“And me being there will do that.”   

“Precisely.”  

“Do I have to be nice?” 

“No. In fact, be yourself. Don’t worry about social graces. You have a reputation to curate with these people.” 

“What, I’m the mean one and you’re the nice one?”

“No. I get taken seriously because I scheme like they do. You get taken seriously because people fear you.” 

“Is it really necessary?” 

“Unfortunately for you, yes.”  

“If it’s an order, just say it.” Levi huffed. 

“I’d rather not dictate this to you.” Erwin paused briefly before shifting the focus back to the subject. “I need to give you some background on the council members. There are a few things to bear in mind. I will need a second set of eyes and ears on these people when we are there.” 

“Oh, so I am spying as well? I have to actually pay attention to them?” Levi groaned. 

“No, don’t worry. I want to be aware of anything that catches your attention. That’s all.” Erwin reassured him.  

“Fine. But you owe me. I didn’t sign up for this, you know.” 

“I’ll ensure the day isn’t completely disappointing for you.”  

“Better not be.” 

“Of course, you getting special treatment isn’t exactly going to quell whatever rumors are circulating about us.”

“Oh, now you care about that?”

They shared a momentary gaze before bursting into laughter. Levi might be short tempered, but he was quick to forgive at least. His hazel eyes sparkled and Erwin nearly forgot how to breathe. His fingers itched to reach out and touch those delicate features. Levi might not think Erwin was selfish, but Erwin knew the truth. And the truth was, Erwin was a selfish bastard who couldn’t let this man go no matter what.

Chapter Text

The carriage jostled over the cobblestones of Trost as it made its way towards the Capital. It was a familiar journey for Erwin and Shadis who barely noticed the bumps along the way. Levi, however, remained with his arms crossed and his face in a deep scowl. He’d been appeased into silence for the moment but Erwin could almost hear the muttered fuming of the man’s mind. Shadis sat opposite Erwin eying Levi like he was a bomb about to explode-a not inaccurate assessment of Levi’s mood. Erwin seemed to be the only one in the carriage actually enjoying himself-or at least not entirely miserable.  

“I get that you’re friends, but why did you have to bring him?” Commander Shadis said, indicating Levi.  

“Hey,” Levi Interjected. “I’m not exactly thrilled about this either, Commander.” 

“I want the council members to see him. He is one of our best, after all.” Erwin replied with a smile in Levi’s direction. “Wouldn’t you agree, Commander?”

“Hmph!” grunted Shadis. “Are you trying to scare them into approving our expeditions?” 

“No, but I wouldn’t mind if he unnerved one or two of them,” Erwin replied. 

“Well, he is pretty unnerving,” Shadis chucked to himself. “Not sure what you’re playing at here, but you seem to know what you’re doing. Especially after last time.”  

“These men,” Erwin said, “keep trying to screw humanity out of the truth. They need to remember who is keeping them safe.” 

“Fine.” Shadis shrugged. “But if this blows up on you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

“Have I been wrong yet, Commander?” Erwin asked.  

“No, damn you. You’re somehow always one step ahead of all of us.”  

Levi’s weight shifted and he slumped against Erwin’s arm. Glancing at his friend, it was clear from his closed eyes and even breath that the man had fallen asleep. A fond smile ghosted Erwin’s lips before his eyes caught Shadis staring at them.  

“Wait, is he really...?” Shadis asked, his eyes wide. 

“Yes, Sir. Rumor has it Levi only sleeps a few hours every night.” 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” said Shadis. “I hate to imagine what he might accomplish on a full night's rest.” 

“We might be done with our fight against the Titans.” Erwin mused. 

Warmth from Levi spread to Erwin as they plodded along. Erwin dared not move for fear of waking the poor guy. His long lashes fanned over his cheeks and a strand of hair fell into his face. Erwin caught himself before he reached out to push the hair out of Levi’s face. No, that wouldn’t be appropriate-not in front of the commander. 

“He almost looks happy,” Shadis commented. “You’d never know he was such a grumpy bastard when he was awake.”

“Indeed.”

“I’m glad you two are getting along, Erwin,” Shadis said. “I hate to admit you were right again but it was a good call assigning him to your squad.”

“I’m glad you think so, Sir.”

“And it may just be a coincidence, but I’d say you’ve improved as a person since having him around.”

Heat crept up Erwin’s face. “That so?”

“Like I said, might just be a coincidence.”

Erwin glanced up at his commander and gave a curt nod. “Somehow I doubt it.”

Levi snorted and shifted in his sleep, curling even further into Erwin’s body. 

“Just be careful, will you? You and I both know the cost of getting too close to people in our line of work.”

“I know the cost,” Erwin replied. “And I’m willing to pay it.”

“That’s assuming you’re the one paying it.”

Levi awoke to Erwin shaking him gently out of his slumber. He rubbed his eyes and straightened up, taking in his new surroundings. Pristine buildings and evenly paved roads greeted his eyes along with Erwin’s shoulder. Wait, why was Erin so close? Levi’s blood ran cold, the remnants of sleep fleeing him.

“We’re here,” Erwin said as he stepped out of the carriage. He held out a hand to help Levi out but Levi couldn’t intrude on his friend’s personal space any more than he already had.

“Hey was I …?” Levi pointed back at the carriage as they walked inside.  

“Sleeping on me?” Erwin finished for him. “Yes, you were.” 

“Sorry about that.” Levi said, his eyes searching Erwin’s face for any trace of annoyance. 

“I barely noticed.” Erwin said. “In fact, use me as a pillow anytime.” 

“Tch, pervert.” Levi smiled despite himself. The worst part was, that was the best nap he’d had in a while. 

The day went by painfully slow, just as Levi had expected. He tuned out most of it. It was petty drivel from self-important idiots.He greeted said idiots with all the civility he had in him but from their side eyes and unsettled looks, he figured his face wasn’t so civil. Let them squirm. That was the whole point right? He sat with Erwin while the commander made his case for another recon mission. Levi glanced around the room and pondered how aware these individuals were of their colleague’s attempted actions. I bet at least one of these bastards knows something; He mused. Erwin suspects so anyway and wants to remind them he’s smarter than them. Maybe he just wanted an excuse for us to be together? Tch yeah right.   

Levi observed a few members who seemed especially nervous, frequently eyeing him and Erwin. He made a mental note of it and mentioned it to Erwin after the meeting. Erwin nodded in response and spoke to them in hushed tones standing tall and confident. It was clear he had the upper hand over the slimy blowhards and Levi swelled watching them scurry away from Erwin the first chance they got. Ha, serves them right.

The entire ordeal dragged on, pushing Levi to his limit. How Erwin managed to thrive in this environment was beyond Levi. If he had to do this any longer, heads would roll. After what seemed like an eternity of idiotic droning on, the counsel finally approved their next scouting expedition with the usual funding to accompany it. Levi was looking forward to a quiet evening with a good book upon their return to Trost, figuring whatever Erwin had promised him afterwards was more empty than not. Honestly, an evening together with his friend would be enough compensation for this ordeal-if he could brew them up a proper cup of tea or two and snag some beef for their dinner. However, as they neared their carriage, Erwin paused. 

“Apologies, Sir, but I just remembered I had more business to attend to.” Erwin told the commander. 

Shadis shrugged. “Just be back in a timely manner.”

The carriage rattled away from them and Levi groaned, his final chance at freedom fading into the distance with it. 

 “Really? More business?” Levi whined.  

“Come on, Levi. I think you’re going to enjoy this bit of business.” There was a mischievous twinkle in Erwin’s eyes. 

He reached out and grabbed Levi’s wrist, leading him through crowded streets and down dark alleyways until they reached the market square. Like the markets in Trost, food stalls wafting the scent of their wares lined the square, surrounded by hungry masses. Erwin stopped at one selling veggie pies-their savory smell filling Levi’s nose with notes of buttery crust and warm, garlicky vegetables. 

“Is this my big reward? Pie?” Levi raised an eyebrow at Erwin. 

“Part of it, yes,” Erwin replied, handing Levi his pie. “But there’s even more to come.”

With that, Erwin beckoned him on, winding through more narrow streets and back alleys in the unmistakable direction of the city center. Uphill bit by bit, they made their way back in the direction they came from.  

“Where the hell are you taking me?”  

“We’re almost there!”   

“Why are we going back? Haven’t you tortured me enough for one day?” Levi groaned.  

“Have a little faith. I wouldn’t do that to you.”  

“Then where the hell are we going?” Levi demanded once more.  

“This way!” Erwin guided him towards the entrance to a tower of some building Levi did not recognize. It towered over the street below, casting a long shadow over them in the evening sun. They ducked into the doorway and were greeted by a steep, winding staircase. As they ascended, Levi couldn’t help but wish they could use their ODM gear to fly to the top.  

“This had better be worth it.” Levi said.  

“Believe me, it will.” Erwin assured, reaching the door atop the stairs. “Are you ready?” 

“Just open the damn door already, asshole.”  

“Is that any way to talk to your commanding officer?” Erwin said in a playful tone. Levi just glared at him in response. “Fine, fine, you win.” 

The air seemed so much fresher up here. The city noise below faded into the background, and a gust of wind hit Levi in the face. Then he saw the view in front of him. On this stunning summer day, his vision extended for miles beyond Wall Sina. Green grass, distant forests, and rolling hills extended as far as the eye could see, with a hint of Wall Rose in the distance. 

“Well?” Erwin demanded. 

“Alright, you win. This isn’t half bad.” Levi admitted.  

“Not half bad? That good, huh?” Erwin teased.  

“Don’t let it go to your head.” 

For a moment, both men silently appreciated the view of the Capital.   

“How’d you come across this place?” Levi asked.  

“I used to come up here with my father.” This was the first time Erwin had spoken of his family or his childhood. Levi had never pushed because of his own traumatic past.  

“You grew up here?”  

“I did.” Erwin didn’t seem to want to elaborate. The sadness in his voice warned Levi to change topics.  

“Is the ‘urgent business’ you told Shadis about?” Levi asked. Erwin flashed him a relieved smile.

“It is pretty important, don’t you agree?”  

“Oh, very.” Levi retorted. “You know what else is important?” 

“What’s that?” 

“The pies we haven’t eaten. I’m starving.” 

The two ate their slap-dash meal as the sun sank lower on the horizon. Their conversation revolved around the day’s events and mocking council members. They joked about their team members and mused on the upcoming expedition. The setting sun glinted off Erwin’s blonde locks so perfectly slicked back as always. His blue eyes gleamed in the sunlight and the warm light painted a rosy pink on his cheeks. Levi couldn’t help but stare. It didn’t matter what Erwin was saying right now. His smile, the way his eyes sparkled as he pointed out various landmarks from their perch and his rumbling laugh were everything in this moment.  

“What did you say to those idiots, anyway? The ones you spoke to privately, that is.” Levi asked.  

“Hmm, not much. I might have asked how their old buddy was doing-the one that hired you,” Erwin replied. “And I also might have mentioned that you were the best soldier we have now thanks to him.”

 Levi chuckled. “They looked pretty rattled from where I was standing.” 

“They were pretty rattled up close too,” Erwin said, laughing as well. “It was very satisfying, I must admit.” 

“I bet.” Levi shook his head. After a moment, he turned towards Erwin. “Do you really think I am your strongest soldier, or were you just trying to scare those bastards?” 

“Both.” Erwin replied with a wink. 

“Yeah, well, finally, some recognition around here.” Levi’s cheeks warmed and he averted his eyes.  

The world seemed a million miles away up here. This place was their own little bubble, where nothing bad would happen. The worries and stress of the day melted away like ice on a summer’s day as the fresh air and cool evening breeze cradled the two in their gentle arms. Levi sighed as the sun kissed the horizon. If only time would stop right now and they could stay like this forever. Erwin’s hand rested on the ledge and Levi stared at it. SHould he take Erwin’s hand? His hands were like paws in comparison to Levi’s dainty ones. Levi wondered how his hand would look in Erwin’s and electricity ran through him at the thought of that great paw engulfing his. No, these were dangerous thoughts. Dangerous and pointless. 

“We should head back.” Levi said. 

“You’re right. It is getting late, and Shadis will be fuming if we’re not back before curfew.” Erwin said with a rueful sigh. 

“I’m making us tea when we get back,” Levi stated as they made their way down the stairs towards the busy street below. 

“We better hope that the Titans never disrupt our tea supply,” Erwin chuckled.  

“If that happens, they will all die slowly and painfully.” Levi growled.  

“Woe to the Titan that comes between Levi and his tea.” Erwin let out a hearty laugh. 

Levi shoved Erwin playfully. “It’s not a joking matter.” He replied, pushing away the smile that crept onto his face.  

“Mm not at all.” Erwin continued to laugh. 

“You’re such an asshole.” Levi smiled despite himself.  

“I’ve been called worse.” Erwin replied with a shrug and a wink. 

Their eyes met and for a moment, there was complete silence between them. Levi was certain that Erwin was able to hear his heart pounding a tattoo against his chest. He tried to steady his breathing. Heat rushed to his face but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Something in him yearned to reach out and hold this man. He needed Erwin so bad it hurt. And the way Erwin stared at him like he was some marvelous piece of art sent a bolt of lightning straight to Levi’s heart. Levi’s eye darted to Erwin’’s lips for a moment before he caught himself. Was it so wrong to want this? The cons of acting on his feelings were starting to wear thin. Just make the first move, Blondie. Can’t you feel this thing between us? They gazed breathlessly at each other, as if any movement would spell game over for this excuse of a friendship thinly veiling their attraction.   

“If we hurry, we can get back before it’s too late.” Levi steeled himself with a deep breath. It was almost painful having to fight against himself like this.  

“Yeah, we should probably hurry.”  

They made their way through the city in silence. The spell of the evening shattered, leaving only their aching hearts, longing for something just out of reach. They knew well that only heartache and loss awaited them. Even then, in that moment, the flicker of longing in Erin’s eyes let Levi know that something had to change. They couldn’t ignore their feelings much longer. 

Erwin lay restless in bed that night. Sleep eluded him, regardless of his best efforts. Images of the day filled his mind. He recalled the smile on Levi’s face that only he got to see. The way his hair whipped in the breeze and the flush on his cheeks as Erwin talked his ear off about everything and nothing in particular. It hadn’t been his imagination-not this time. A hunger in those hazel eyes told him as much. If only Erwin hadn’t been such a coward, maybe that hunger could be satiated in them both. But Shadis’ words echoed in his mind. 

That’s assuming you’re the one paying it.

Shadis was right, of course. The man had been single his whole life for a very good reason. It was the same reason he’d turned his back on Marie all those years ago. It wasn’t smart to have anything other than friendships in their line of work. Even those ended in heartache half the time each time a comrade didn’t return. But Levi was strong. Levi could survive. And that was the problem. Erwin always knew he’d die in the line of duty and leaving a grief-struck Levi behind was unbearable. He couldn’t do that to Levi. He’d already lost so much. 

Trying to escape his own mind, Erwin tossed and turned. This was torture. Before Levi, he had been content to be alone. There was a certain comfort in his solitude. It allowed him to focus on his dream of finding the truth. Since Marie, his head never so much as turned for anyone else. He never regretted his decision and knowing that Nile was able to care for Marie gave Erwin joy. He accepted he couldn’t provide what Nile did. Erwin was content to sacrifice his happiness for hers.  

But Levi was different. He was fully aware now that he would never give Levi up. It was not possible for him to be selfless with this beautiful, amazing man. Their bond exceeded all explanations in Erwin’s mind. It wasn’t logical.But it was the realist thing he’d ever felt for another person. It reminded Erwin of his first time outside of the walls and discovering true freedom for the first time. His feelings towards Marie seemed akin to a schoolboy infatuation compared to what he felt for Levi. 

Fuck this. Erwin threw off his covers and scrambled out of bed. If he was going to be awake, he might as well embrace it. He threw on some trousers and his cloak. He made his way up to the rooftop where their friendship had first blossomed. Maybe if Erwin was lucky, Levi would be there and he could let this all out. A fool’s hope, but a hope none the less.When he arrived, however, he was met with emptiness. Of course, he’s probably asleep. I am the fool who lets this keep me up at night . Erwin chided himself. Sitting on the same ledge he’d sat on that night, he allowed those forbidden thoughts to wash over him. Levi in his arms. Levi’s lips against his. Levi sleeping in his bed like he’d slept again Erwin earlier that day. Levi, Levi Levi. He couldn’t get the man out of his head if he tried. But he was weary of trying. IF only he could just confess his feelings and get it over with. No, he never could share this with the man he wanted most in this world. It was far too dangerous.

He sat alone for some time before collecting himself and walking back to his chambers. Sleep eluded him with every passing hour until he finally passed out from pure exhaustion. Even in sleep, his dreams were restless, and Levi was always just out of reach.  

Levi had grown accustomed to not sleeping. He never slept for more than a few hours at a time anyway. Yet, falling asleep was never problematic until now. Recently, Levi had a harder time falling asleep, especially after spending the evening with Erwin. His mind fixated on every part of their interactions that day as he lay sleepless in the dark, surrounded by his sleeping comrades. Lucky bastards, Levi huffed and turned over. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw brilliant blue ones staring back at him. He heard Erwin’s light chuckle and  how Erwin said his name. It sent a wave of electricity through his body.  

Did he really look at me like that? That split second replayed in his mind. Do we share the same desire? It was impossible. Those feelings were never returned. Levi had never truly experienced love because he never let anyone get that close. There was one boy he grew up with that he had feelings for. Call it a crush, or love, it didn’t matter. In the end, the boy died. He kept everyone at arm's length. Furlan and Isabel were the only exceptions. Isabel was like a little sister to him, and Furlan was a true friend. Erwin reminded him of Furlan sometimes, the way he planned and strategized. On the nights when the darkness and loneliness threatened to consume him, he would seek the company of strangers so he could experience some small, passing relief from the ghosts that haunted him. However, those encounters often left him worse off than before. Men burdened by shame can behave cruelly, and the encounters left him with the bitter taste of self-hatred and isolation afterwards. He convinced himself he wanted it, but deep down, he never felt worthy of anything better.  

This was new. The feelings he experienced with Erwin were more genuine and untainted. It was like the first time he emerged from the underground and sunlight caressed his skin- both wondrous and terrifying. Erwin had always unsettled Levi. Initially, it intensified his hatred, driving him to kill Erwin. Now it brought a sense of comfort. It signified that he was accepted and seen. Erwin saw Levi’s true self and was the first to believe in him. Where others sought to use his abilities, Erwin embraced him as a person-not simply a tool to be used and discarded. How Levi had longed for such acceptance and care his whole life and now that he had it, he knew he’d do anything to keep it. He would fight whatever enemy stood in his way for Erwin, he would lay down his own life for him. Without question, he had unwavering trust in Erwin, and that trust ignited his motivation to fulfill any task assigned by Erwin. He had the ability to prioritize Erwin’s happiness over his own without worrying about being exploited. Erwin made him feel worthy. 

I can’t take this anymore. Levi got up, grabbed his jacket, and hurried off to Erwin’s room. He didn’t know why he was going there or what he would do when he got there. He just knew he had to go. Almost running, he followed the well-trodden path between his barracks and Erwin’s chambers. He had to be with Erwin. It was as if some invisible force was drawing him towards the desire of his heart. He stood in front of Erwin’s door, took a deep breath, and knocked.  

There was no response.  

He knocked again. 

Nothing.  

That idiot isn’t still in his office, is he?

Levi hurried towards the only other place Erwin might be. He knocked, but silence greeted him. No light came from the cracks in the door frame. Where the fuck are you, you dumbass? Levi was becoming frantic. As he walked back towards Erwin’s room, he tried to calm himself down. He’s probably just out cold and can’t hear me. Levi told himself. I should just let him sleep. There’s no reason we both should lose sleep tonight. He took a deep breath. This was a dumb idea, anyway. What was I going to do, throw myself in his arms and confess my undying love? How pathetic is that! He paused outside Erwin’s bedroom door. Had he known what was happening on the other side, he might have tried again.  

Instead, Levi lay in his bunk and watched the moon set and the sun rise, all the while berating himself for his utter stupidity.  

Chapter Text

The next scouting expedition was an overall success. Thanks to Erwin’s new Long Range Scouting Formation, casualties remained low and the party returned in high spirits all things considered. Certainly, it was a far cry from the somber funeral marches that their returns had become. While they weren’t received with a parade or festival, Levi was delighted to notice that the usual gripes were not as prominent either. 

“It’s nice to return like this, isn’t it?” Hange said as they made their way back to HQ. “for once, I don’t hear anyone saying they feed us too much.”

“Erwin knows what he’s doing,” Levi shrugged. 

“You know, it’s funny to hear you say that given how you were when you joined us,” Hange replied with a wide grin. 

“People change, what of it?”

“I don’t know, it’s just good to see you grow,” Hange said. “At least you can still grow personally since you can’t seem to grow vertically.”

“At least I’m not batshit crazy, unlike some Four-Eyed weirdos I know.”

Hange gasped in feigned shock. 

As they entered the courtyard and dismounted, Erwin approached. 

“Levi, join me for dinner in my quarters tonight.”

Levi gulped, his heart racing in his chest. “Yeah, sure thing.”

Erwin turned on his heel and disappeared, leaving Levi to gather himself. Sure, spending time together outside of work was nothing new. They spent plenty of time together when neither was working. But after these expeditions, Erwin would always eat with his comrades. And he’d never been invited to Erwin’s personal quarters before. He’d been there on business, but never invited after hours. Other than the momentary lapse in sanity he’d had a while back. And even then he wasn’t invited. His heart palpated in his chest as his imagination threatened to run wild. No, it was just dinner, right?

“My, my, is that a blush I see on your cheek, Levi?” Hange’s voice sent ice down his spine. 

“Mind your own damn business, Four Eyes,” Levi retorted. 

“Aww, are you embarrassed that Erwin asked you on a date?”

“It’s not a date.” 

“Sounded like a date.”

“Then your ears must work about as well as your eyes.” Levi turned away from his friend and walked towards the supply room. Hange, however, wasn’t so easily shaken. 

“What’s so wrong with it maybe being a date? I don’t see an issue.”

“Can’t two people just be friends? What’s so wrong with that?”

“So you’re not attracted to him?”

“I have eyes.”

“So, what’s the issue?”

Levi stopped in his tracks and spun, facing Hange. 

“The issue, as you put it, is that attachments in this line of work are pointless. I have friends and that’s all I need.”

“You really think that we all don’t let ourselves fall in love? That’s ridiculous and you know it! The only person who thinks like that is Erwin and to be honest, I don’t even think he believes his own bullshit.”

Levi’s heart sank at their words. They were right, of course. Erwin kept himself closed off to romance for all the attention he received. Why would Levi be the exception? 

“I think you just made my point for me,” Levi replied as he turned and walked away.

Erwin’s quarters glowed in the warm lamp light, inviting and minimal. It suited Erwin perfectly. A table was laid out with plates of fresh food and a candle stood in the center of it. Erwin himself seemed more casual tonight though not as jovial as Levi expected given the success of their mission. He beckoned Levi in and indicated a chair at the table. The two tucked in their food in silence and Levi eyed Erwin over the table. A disquieted feeling crept over him-like there was something not quite right here. That prickle on the back of his neck when all hell was about to break loose came over him. Erwin was never this quiet. 

“Mind telling me what’s going on?” Levi finally said. “Or are we going to eat in silence like a couple of strangers?”

Erwin looked away and set his fork down. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’m not very exciting today.”

“So, why did you invite me up for dinner? Wouldn’t you rather be with the others?”

“No, I can’t say that I would right now.”

“But why bring me here then?”

“If you’d rather be with the others, you’re free to go,” Erwin replied. His voice held no bitterness or aggression. Rather, it was quiet and subdued. 

“I wouldn’t have accepted the invitation if I didn’t want to be here,” Levi huffed. 

Erwin glanced up at him, his features softening for a moment before he looked back at his plate. 

“So, are you going to tell me what's on your mind or what?”

“It’s not important.”

“Tch, what kind of idiot do you think I am?”

“I-” Erwin faltered. 

“The expedition was a success thanks to you. What on earth is bringing you down?”

Erwin sighed, meeting Levi’s gaze again. “It’s not that simple.”

“So?”

Erwin paused. “Yes, the mission was a success and I am very pleased Shaids implemented the formation this time.”

“Tell that to your face.”

Erwin gave a good-natured huff and the first hint of a smile Levi had seen all evening. “The formation was successful but people still died and I can’t celebrate that.”

“Since when has that sort of thing bothered you?”

“Since always.”

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“What are you saying, Levi? Do you think I don’t care? Of course I do!”

“I didn’t say you don’t care. I’ve just never seen you this bothered by the deaths of our comrades before.”

“I suppose I have gotten desensitized to it over the years,” Erwin sighed, pushing his plate away from him and fixing Levi with a wistful gaze. “But today it was different. Maybe because it was my idea or maybe because of the buzz it caused. I’m sure you heard the others talking about how I should be the next commander after this.”

“I did,” Levi replied. “But isn’t that what you want?”

“Of course it is. But the weight of reality is much different than idle aspirations.”

“I’d hardly call what you have ‘idle aspirations.’”

Erwin chuckled. “No, I suppose you’re right.”

“So, the reality was a bit tougher than how you envisioned it, so what? You’re already responsible for countless lives as a section commander.”

“But as a section commander, I follow orders and make judgement calls. I don’t decide the fate of all scouts.”

“Come on, Erwin. You and I both know that you’ve been the right hand of Shadis for a while now. You might as well be the commander.”

Erwin didn’t reply. Instead, he stood up and walked to the nearby window, his eyes fixed on the darkness outside. Levi swiveled in his seat  to see Erwin better. Whatever is on his mind, it’s gotta be deeper than he’s letting on. Why can’t he just come out and say it already?

“Can I tell you something? You may not see me quite the same afterwards when I do, though.”

“You can tell me anything. Can’t promise the outcome but I’ll listen.”

Erwin’s lips pursed. “I suppose that’s fair.”

“If you’re gonna talk, then do it.”

“Straight to the point as usual,” Erwin sighed with a tired smile. “My father was a teacher when I was young. We lived in a small village outside of the Capital you see. I’m afraid I was a rather curious child back then, and one day when my father was teaching us about the history of humanity, something caught my attention. The textbook told us that no humans lived beyond our walls and that didn’t sit well with me. I asked my father during class why it didn’t say ‘it is believed that no humans live outside the walls’ instead.”

“I don’t see much difference.”

“Yes, and it seems most people didn’t either. But a truly unbiased history book would tell us that it is believed that no other humans survived beyond the walls rather than telling us definitively. The fact is, we can’t know for certain that no one else lives out there. It’s possible that we are one of several civilizations who built walls as a way to survive. Or, it might be possible that the Titans are localized to us. The world is a very big place, after all.”

“So you questioned your father?”

“Indeed. He gave me some explanation that I can’t remember to this day but when we got home, he shared his own beliefs. He theorized that there were humans outside our walls and that the government was keeping us in the dark for some reason. He believed there was something nefarious going on.”

“And you believed him?”

“It seemed logical-it still does to me. Especially given what happened afterwards. Like a fool, I told my friends of my father’s hypothesis and not long after, he was killed. They said it was an accident but I found that hard to believe. The timing seemed too convenient. No, I believe my father was murdered by the MPs to keep him quiet.”

“That seems a bit paranoid, don’t you think?”

“Perhaps. But think about it, Levi. Why would my father die as soon as I started talking? My father wasn’t the kind of person to put himself in harm’s way. What if there’s more out there than just Titans? Of course our government wouldn’t want us to know that. We are content because we believe we are all that is left of a dying species. It’s easier to control people when they think that their compliance guarantees humanity’s survival.”

Levi eyed Erwin. The man had never lied to him before. He’d never been prone to insanity or conspiracies. And now, as he peered deep into those boundless blue eyes, he couldn’t help but trust the words coming out of Erwin’s mouth. Maybe he was being stupid but Erwin was the only person he trusted to be honest with him. So what if it seemed a bit far-fetched? Erwin always had radical ideas that turned out to work. Maybe this one wasn’t entirely accurate but so what? It wasn’t harming anyone. 

“Listen, I don’t know what the truth is these days, but if you really believe that, then I believe you.”

Erwin turned from the window to face Levi. His face softened into a smile and he bowed his head. 

“That’s very kind of you to say.”

“I’m not saying it to be kind. I’m saying it because I believe you.”

“You don’t think I’m crazy?”

‘That’s beside the point. But I don’t think you’re out of your mind about this. I don’t know that you’re right, but I think it’s possible.”

Erwin chuckled. “Whatever did I do right to deserve such faith?”

“Plenty. Just look at the people who listen and follow your every command.”

Erwin looked away. “Don’t remind me.”

“I don’t have to. It’s your fucking job, Blondie.”

Erwin sighed and returned to the table, resting his elbow on his lap and his face in his hands. “You’re right.”

“Now what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” Erwin replied after a moment. 

“Not this bullshit again.” Levi rolled his eyes. “Just tell me already before I force it out of you.”

“Don’t much like the sound of that,” Erwin gave him a rueful smile. “It’s just, after my father died, all I cared about was finding the truth. It’s why I joined the scouts in the first place. I’m not in this for some altruistic reason. I need to know that my father didn’t die for nothing. I need to know the truth. Sure, I tell everyone that this is for humanity’s victory and all that but it’s just a bunch of beautiful lies. They are but a means to an end.”

Levi blinked, his breath stuttering to a stop. So this is the thing that made him look bad. Well, it wasn’t great, that was for sure. Eriwn had always been the calculating type and It’s not like this revelation was that big of a shock when Levi thought about it. Hell, Levi was no stranger to selfish motives and all that. He grew up in the Underground for fuck’s sake. He eyed Ewin once more, almost as if seeing him for the first time. No, this man was not a monster. He couldn’t be. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“You believe the other thing but not this?” Erwin shook his head. “There’s something wrong with you.”

“You’re just noticing now?”

Erwin gave a rumbling chuckle. “Fair point.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you when you say you want to find the truth. That’s perfectly logical. But I don’t believe that you are some heartless monster, manipulating people to their doom for your own selfish ends. Not entirely.”

“Not entirely?”

“We all joined the scouts for our own reasons. Me, because I wanted to have a life above ground. You, because you wanted to find the truth. I’m sure Hange has their own reasons as does everybody else. We know the cost and we put our lives on the line because we have something to gain. Sure, I want to kill the ugly bastards and give humanity a fighting chance. But I also just want to have a comfortable life above ground. Being in harm’s way is just a perk of the job. This life is much better than what I had before even if…”

“Even if your friends aren’t here to share it with you,” Erwin nodded. “I wish I could see myself the way you see me, Levi.”

Tingles shot through Levi like lightning. 

“Tch, whatever.”

Erwin sat up and reached across the table, his large hand closing over Levi’s. Before Levi could comprehend what was happening, the hand withdrew as quickly as it had appeared. The lingering heat ghosted over Levi’s skin like a warm hug. 

“Thank you for believing in me, Levi.” Erwin’s voice made him look up. Those pools of blue seemed wetter somehow and the pink on Erwin’s cheeks was definitely pinker than usual. Nothing else mattered anymore. Not the bizarre conversation or the shocking revelation. All Levi could do now was get lost in those eyes with the whisper of Erwin’s touch still on his hand. 

“Yeah, sure,” Levi replied after a moment, realizing he’d been staring. “As long as you give me a reason to believe, I will always have your back.” 

Erwin moved his hand as if to grab Levi’s again but held himself back. Hange’s words echoed in Levi's mind and sent a pang through his heart. No, Erwin would never love him like that. He was too smart for it. But Levi knew he would stand by his friend no matter what. Even if it killed him. 

Chapter Text

Erwin stared at the shop window of a local tailor pretending to admire the suits on display while gathering the courage to go inside. In his entire adult life, Erwin had never bought more than the essentials for his wardrobe. The Survey Corps’ uniforms were highly versatile, and he never needed anything fancier. The fact was, Erwin had no knowledge whatsoever about fashion and clothing. Being a career military man, he never had to learn. Now he was cursing himself for not making an effort to educate himself on such matters. If only he’d taken some interest in nice clothing or anything like it. His stomach twisted in knots as he examined the selection. What was even stylish? Would Levi like any of these? None of them were white but did they come in white? Maybe he should pick a different color. But white was Levi’s favorite color so it would be better, right? Now, standing in front of these suits, he was completely lost. They were all different, and he had no idea if they were what Levi would want. He’d rather face an army of titans than do this. At least he could handle a Titan. But this was important. He needed to do this. Straightening his shoulders and steeling himself with a deep breath, the soldier entered the fray.  

“Good afternoon, Squad Leader Erwin! To what do I owe the pleasure?” The tailor exclaimed as Erwin entered.  

“I wish to, that is to say, I need to buy a suit.” Erwin replied, scratching the back of his neck.  

“Wonderful! This one would look dashing on you,” The man said as he gestured towards a suit on display. “It’s the latest from the Capital and very popular with the noble class-”

“Oh, it’s not for me, exactly,” Erwin interjected.  

“I see.” The tailor raised an eyebrow. “Can you provide the measurements for the recipient?”  

“Uh, yeah.” Erwin fished a piece of paper out of his pocket. Thankfully, the Scouts kept a record of everyone’s measurements for uniforms.  

“Excellent. Did you have something specific in mind?” 

“I want a white suit.” Erwin said. “If you have one.” 

“White, eh? That is an unusual request. I did get one a while back but it didn’t sell. Let me check in the back.”  

While Erwin waited for the shop owner, he monitored the street outside. He didn’t want anyone to see him here. Certainly not looking so lost as he knew he looked. I should have asked someone to help me. Someone who knows about these things. Damn it all, why didn’t he just swallow his pride and ask Hange or Nile or literally anyone? Fearless squad leader his ass. 

After he’d confided in Levi about his father and his true motives, he’d been relieved when Levi not only didn’t reject him, but remained as close as ever-if not closer. He never left Erwin’s side and supported him even more than he already did. The kindness was so foreign to the squad leader that it had prompted him to want to give back in kind. But what to give a man such as Levi? The truth was, outside of tea, books, and sarcasm, Levi didn’t seem to want much else. He’d already gotten tea, and books Levi had in spades thanks to Erwin’s collection. Besides, Erwin enjoyed being Levi’s personal library too much to give him his own. 

It was a well-known fact that Levi’s favorite color was white. After all, he loved things to be clean. Pure white things seemed to give him such satisfaction that Erwin often wondered if it was the color itself, not the absence of dirt that pleased him most. Either way, white seemed the safest choice. He had also noticed, over time, that Levi liked to add a little extra flare to his uniform. He liked nice things and had some sense of style compared to most of his comrades. So, Erwin got the bright idea to get Levi a white suit. It seemed like the perfect gift at the time. Something white and stylish? He couldn’t go wrong. That was until he actually tried to find said white suit. It proved to be much harder than he anticipated and with each rejection, his confidence sank. Of course, it would have helped if he’d started his search on time too. But due to his discomfort with the whole situation, he had postponed purchasing it until two days before Levi’s birthday - a decision he deeply regretted now. After visiting numerous shops all morning, he ended up here based on a recommendation from the previous shop. It was his last resort before acquiescing and buying him some trinket that Levi would likely never use.

The tailor returned with a suit covered in a protective bag of some sort.  

“Here you go, sir.” He said, taking the suit out. “It is for the more discerning man of taste.” 

“So, it is very fashionable?” Erwin questioned. 

“Oh, very,” the shop owner assured him. 

Somehow Erwin doubted that, but it seemed like a very nice suit. Levi would appreciate its clean appearance. It included three pieces and was paired with a black shirt. As he examined it, the shop owner pointed out various details about the suit’s cut and quality. Erwin had no idea what any of it meant. While looking it over, however, he was able to picture Levi looking very good in it. But then Levi looked good in everything.  

“I’ll take it.” He said.  

“Very good! Would you like it sized to fit the measurements you gave me?”  

Erwin nodded. “How long will that take?”  

“Typically it takes a few days, but I can expedite it for a member of the scouts,” 

“That will be fine. I need it by the day after tomorrow.”  

“I can have it ready by then, sir.”

He paid for the suit, and the shop owner gave him a tag to claim it later. Despite the expense, Erwin was relieved to have found something. I hope he likes it. Erwin prayed to whichever deities possessed the ability to make someone like a gift. 

He pulled his cloak tighter around him. The winter air had grown colder of late, hinting at impending snow. Erwin wondered if Levi had ever seen snow. Levi complained about the colder weather, but only when he had nothing better to talk about. Complaining was a pastime for him after all. Erwin imagined his response to witnessing snow for the first time. It is white, so he might actually prefer it, Erwin chuckled to himself at the thought. He closed his eyes for a moment, imagining Levi in the new suit. He’d looked so good in the brown vest and white shirt he’d first seem Levi in. For a man of the Underground, Levi clearly cared about his appearance. That vision flashed through his mind more times than he’d care to admit since he first laid eyes on the man. His sleeves rolled up and his collar unbuttoned, showing his delicate collar bones and muscled forearms. Erwin still got a rush of heat at the memory. Then there was the first time Erwin saw him in his scout uniform. The way those harnesses brought out his curves had been a source of many shameful thoughts on Erwin’s part. Those trousers left very little to the imagination-or perhaps just enough to imagine things one shouldn’t about one’s friends. That said, it wasn’t difficult to imagine the way that waistcoat and jacket would look on him. Damn, it would look so good on him! Erwin groaned. Why hadn’t he just gotten him a pocket watch or something? This was a bad idea but Erwin couldn’t bring himself to turn back. Now that he’d seen it in his mind, he needed to see it for real. I am the worst friend to ever walk the face of this earth . 

The following evening, Erwin was able to pick up the suit right before the shop closed. The shop owner wrapped the suit up neatly for him upon his arrival in green and gold paper with a gold bow on top. Erwin smiled as he admired the wrapping. Will he think it’s pretty too? How could he not? 

With every step closer to home, however, his confidence deflated little by little. What if Levi hated it? Erwin couldn’t bear seeing him hate it. What if he thought it was creepy? Fuck, I didn’t think about that. But he might think I’m trying to dress him up like a doll. A wave of nausea hit him at that thought. This had been a bad idea from the start and now it was too late to go back. Why hadn’t he just asked someone to help him with this? I am such an idiot. If I’d just thought this through and planned better, I could have avoided this mess. Now how am I supposed to get this to him? The truth was, without a plan and a strategy, he felt completely naked.

Upon his return, Erwin immediately set out to find Levi’s whereabouts. Before he left, Levi had decided to do a deep clean of the barracks. Apparently, he had not finished yet-a fact Erwin gathered from Petra Ral, who closely observed the man. 

“That’s a nice gift you have there, Sir,” the girl said, pointing to the package under Erwin’s arm.

“Oh, yes,” Erwin said, wishing he’d hidden the monstrosity away before parading all over HQ. 

“Is that for someone or did someone give it to you?”

“Its-uh-it’s for someone,” Erwin replied, his mouth going dry. 

Petra gave a low whistle. “Lucky someone.”

“I hope they feel the same.”

“You know, Levi’s birthday is tomorrow. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was for him,” Petra said, falling in step with Erwin as he walked towards the barracks. 

“It’s-” Erwin paused. Should he say? Petra didn’t seem the type to engage in idle rumors. Her only annoying trait in fact seemed to be her admiration of Levi-admittedly it wasn’t even that negative given how good a soldier the girl already was. Actually, that would be perfect. No one would think too much if she left the gift for Levi. “Petra, can you do me a favor?” 

“Yes, Sir, what can I do for you, Sir?” 

“Could you deliver this to the barracks and leave it on Levi’s bunk?” 

“Certainly!” The girl took the package with a bright smile. “Levi is one lucky fellow if you don’t mind me saying.” 

“And Petra?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Don’t mention this to anyone, will you? You know how people talk.”

“Consider it done, sir!” Petra took off in the direction of the barracks. 

Erwin sighed in relief as she disappeared into the distance. It wasn’t until he reached his office that the horror hit him. What did I just do? Why the hell did I get Petra of all people involved? I hope she can get in and out without being seen. Levi is going to kill me otherwise. In the safety of his office, Erwin realized how badly he had panicked. He had the ability to give Levi his present at any time. It would have been so simple. He might have been a brilliant soldier, but Erwin realized quickly what an awkward human being he was in interpersonal issues. Levi is going to kill me. I’ve fucked this up badly.   

Sitting at his desk, Erwin determined to focus on his work while he waited. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Just think about work and that will pass the time. The sun had already set long ago and the clock near his desk ticked away the seconds as he tried to read the pages in front of him. Minutes stretched like hours and with every one that passed, Erwin’s heart sank lower and lower. Forget dinner, how could he face everyone at mess now? Thankfully, his stomach did not have the audacity to complain. 

After an hour or so, Erwin gave up entirely on his work, electing instead to pick up a book. But the words might as well have been written in a foreign language for all he could make them out. With a sigh, he put down the book and glanced at the clock. Surely, Levi had seen his present by now, right? 

As if the universe read his mind, a knock came at the door, causing Erwin to jump in his seat. 

“Come in.” Erwin said, clearing his throat. 

The door clicked open and in stepped Levi. Erwin’s jaw threatened to leave his face entirely at the sight. The white fabric clung to Levi’s form in all the right places and slacked in areas Erwin wished it would cling to. Erwin let out a slow, shaky breath as Levi stepped closer, the suit moving around him like an entourage. 

“Good evening, Levi.” he said, gluing his eyes to Levi’s face. That was a mistake because those hazel eyes gleamed in the lamplight in a way that made Erwin’s heart stand still. “Nice suit you got there.” 

“I found it on my bunk when I came back from the showers,” Levi said, his tone unreadable. “I assume it was for me since it was on my bed, and it seems tailored to fit me.” 

Levi’s eye bored into Erwin like one of his blades.

“I see,” Erwin replied, praying his voice sounded firmer than it felt. “It looks very good on you.” 

“I wish I knew who gave it to me so I could thank them,” Levi said, drawing even closer.  

“Do you have any idea who it might be?” Erwin’s heart was racing out of control now.

“A few,” Levi said casually, getting closer to Erwin with each step. “Someone said that they saw Petra leave it for me.”  

“Oh?” Erwin gulped. 

“The thing is, why would Petra give me a suit?” Levi rounded the desk. 

“I guess you would have to ask her.”  

“I did.” Levi leaned against the desk right next to Erwin. Their knees were almost touching.  

“And?”  

“She said the funniest thing.”  

“What was that?” 

“That you told her to put it there.”  

Fuck. Here we go. Erwin clutched his armrest and braced for the reproval coming his way.   

“Well?” Levi demanded.  

“Well, what?”  

“Did you get me the suit?” 

Erwin could deny it. He could say that Petra was mistaken-that it was actually from all his friends and Erwin had volunteered to give it over. He could do that, but one look at Levi’s face told him it would be foolish to try.  

“You got me,” Erwin replied, steeling himself as if he were facing down a Titan. Levi’s eyes never wavered and Erwin could feel himself going weak at the knees even as he sat. It’s not fair how beautiful and terrifying he is. 

“Why?”  

“Because it’s your birthday...?”   

“And you just had the money to blow on a three-piece suit?” Levi questioned, the corners of his mouth beginning to turn up in an amused smile.  

“Well...” Erwin was trembling. The fearless squad leader was suddenly tiny and out of his depth. He wished that the earth would swallow him up.  

Levi leaned forward and placed his hands on Erwin’s, boxing him into his own chair. His eyes scanned Erwin’s face, which Erwin was surprised wasn’t on fire. His eyes traveled from Erwin’s own downwards, pausing at Erwin’s lips before looking back at his eyes. He hesitated, his eyes shifting between Erwin’s eyes and lips, his warm breath fanning over Erwin’s burning face. Those perfect lips were inches from his and Erwin’s whole body ached for them. All the excuses Erwin had been telling himself for months now rapidly crumbled the longer Levi stood there. He had to try to resist but his traitorous body wouldn’t let him.  

“Levi, I-” Erwin stuttered, unsure of how he wanted that sentence to finish. 

“Just shut up, dumbass,” Levi said in a low, exasperated tone before bringing his lips to Erwin’s.

 Levi’s lips were just as soft as they looked. Erwin melted into them just as he’d dreamed of doing for so long. This was everything he’d yearned for-everything he’d dreamed of. Levi’s lips pushed against his and Erwin couldn’t resist pushing back. Waves of elation and shocks of electricity shot through him.

 They held it for some time before Levi pulled away, leaving both men panting. Their eyes met and for a split second, they both knew they could walk away right then. It would all be nothing more than a fantasy lost to time. This would be a simple thank you kiss shared by friends on a cold winter’s night when no one was watching. 

It could, except-

Erwin leapt from his seat, pushing Levi back against his desk and planting his arms on either side of Levi’s head, staring into his glorious beauty. Levi’s eyes pleased with him, mirroring Erwin’s own hunger. The last of his self-restraint snapped at that and he crashed his lips into Levi's with a shaky sigh. Levi’s lips moved against his, nipping and sliding them playfully against each other before pressing long and hard together. Levi’s mouth opened, inviting Erwin further in-beckoning him home. Erwin responded in kind, his tongue caressing Levi’s as they tangled together. The heat of Levi’s mouth made him groan into the kiss. Levi shuddered against him as the groan vibrated into him and he replied with his own. Erwin's hands gripped Levi’s sides and pulled at the suit coat that crumpled in his hands. How he ached for his hands to find soft skin instead of rough fabric. 

Levi’s legs wrapped around Erwin’s waist and his hips rolled upward against Erwin’s body. It sent a wave of pleasure through him and something deep in his core tightened deliciously. That glorious thrill he had missed for so long began to build in his loins as his pants grew tighter. Grasping Levi even harder, he pulled away

“Let’s go back to my quarters,” Erwin said, standing upright and adjusting himself.  

Fine.” Levi’s lips were plump and red from their kiss and covered in Erwin’s saliva-a realization that sent another shock straight to Erwin’s groin.

Levi eyed the prominent bulge in Erwin’s trousers and a flush crept up his cheeks, making that thrill grow even more. His eyes trailed back up Erwin’s body before he stood up and held out his hand. 

“Are you sure you want this?” Erwin asked, engulfing Levi’s hand in his. 

“Are you really asking that right now?” Levi rolled his eyes.

“Then let’s hurry,” Erwin replied, swinging open the door and rushing into the hallway. 

Chapter Text

The corridor blurred in Levi’s periphery as he trailed Erwin. Their hands clasped together as if letting go would end whatever spell they were under. Just seeing his own hand disappear into Erwin's sent thrills through Levi that he never imagined possible. So gentle yet so overpowering compared to Levi’s small stature. In the dim lamp light of the halls, all Levi saw was Erwin uncharacteristically disheveled and the backs of his ears pink as a rose. 

When Levi had noticed the package on his bed, his heart had leapt into his throat. It had to be from Erwin, right? The suit wasn’t much to write home about. It wasn’t ugly but Levi certainly wouldn’t have picked it out. His heart had plummeted, however, when one of his comrades informed him that Petra had left it for him. Not that he didn’t like the girl. She was talented and easy to get along with-a rising star in the making in her own right. But she wasn’t Erwin. Erwin was the only person he wanted to get extravagant gifts from. He rushed out of the barrack and found her at mess and asked to speak to her privately. 

“What’s up, Levi?” Petra smiled brightly when they stepped outside. 

“Did you get me a present?” Levi crossed his arms in front of him. 

Her brow furrowed. “No, why-oh!”

“What?”

“He said not to tell anyone but, well, it was for you so I guess you don’t count.” 

“What are you talking about?”

“Section Commander Erwin gave it to me to give to you,” Petra replied. “I haven’t told anyone else though, I promised him I wouldn’t.”

 “Thank you, Petra,” Levi said. “You can get back to your meal.”

“Happy early birthday, Levi!” She waved and went about her way.

As quickly as his hopes had been dashed, they were resurrected at Petra’s words. But now what? He went back to his bunk and stared at the garment. Nothing for it but to try it on, so he did. 

Whatever the downsides of the suit were, it certainly fit him to a T. He’d never owned something other than his uniform that had been so meticulously tailored to his form. He admired himself in the one mirror in the room, turning to see each angle. It hugged him where it should and gave way where it must. And, unconventional though the color was, the pristine white of it was quite satisfying. He ran his fingers over the fabric with a sigh. Yes, the suit was a good quality one-the fabric soft on his fingers. His face softened into a smile in the mirror. This was a thoughtful gift and no mistake. But more than that, it was romantic somehow-like a gift a rich man gets his lover. It was something Erwin wanted to see on him. Erwin had imagined Levi in this very suit and liked the idea enough to buy the damn thing. Who had they been kidding this whole time? It was starting to get out of hand now. If he didn’t put Erwin and himself out of their misery, Erwin would end up bankrupting himself for Levi. 

Which is how he found himself shaking like a leaf with his knuckles poised to knock on Erwin’s office door minutes later. Looking back on it now, he couldn't believe his own boldness once he entered Erwin’s office. But thank fuck he had because now Erwin’s lips against his would forever be burned into his memory. The sounds he made when kissing him would linger forever. And as they rushed from hallway to hallway, up stairs and down, Levi barely had it in him to breathe or talk or do anything that might make them think twice and stop this madness. 

He was jerked out of his thoughts as Erwin grabbed his waist and pushed him against the cold brick wall. Fuck, the way he manhandled Levi was so delicious it was unfair. Their lips smashed against each other and tongues immediately found their place tangled in one another. Levi’s body pulsed under the touch and his arms stretched out to wrap around Erwin’s neck. The heat from the other fed his own and sweat beaded against his skin. Erwin's lips moved from his lips to his jawline and grazed the thin skin at his neck, sending indulgent charges down his body. 

“Fuck,” Levi breathed, his nails digging into Erwin’s shoulders and his hips jerking upwards as his cock twitched. 

With a long groan, Erin pulled off him and grasped Levi’s hand once more. 

“Better hurry,” Erwin panted as they pressed on.  

When Erwin’s room finally came into view, Levi breathed a sigh of relief. Erwin refused to release Levi’s hand even to unlock his door, struggling and fumbling before the lock clicked and they tumbled into his room. As soon as the door slammed shut behind them, they tangled like wild beasts, their fingers clawing and exploring every inch of each other and fumbling with buckles and buttons. They stumbled towards Erwin’s bed, leaving a trail of jackets, harnesses, and ties in their wake.Eriwn’s mouth found its way to Levi’s neck again, this time sucking the delicate skin and eliciting a high-pitched moan out of Levi. Shocks of pleasure ran from the spot down over his groin in delicious agony of want. Levi’s legs hit bed and he collapsed onto it, Erwin falling on top of him. 

“Wait.” Erwin pulled back abruptly.  

“What’s wrong?” asked Levi.  

“It’s just-” Erwin paused, taking a deep breath.  

“Come on, you can tell me.” Levi urged, trailing his fingers over Erwin’s arm.  

Erwin gazed down at Levi, holding him captive with his eyes. “I’m in love with you Levi.” 

Levi’s heart stopped and he blinked up at Erwin, his mouth going dry. The words he’d longed to hear most coming from the only person he longed to hear them from now hung in the air. Before just a fantasy now, a stark reality. This should be his dream come true. He should be jumping for joy. Yet, now that the words had been uttered, Levi couldn’t find it in himself to believe them. No one loved him just like that. Surely, the man was mistaken. His heart raced and his mind whirled. He didn’t mean those words-he couldn’t. If he meant them then, it was all over. 

“Oh, come on, you’re just horny.” Levi said. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

Erwin pulled away, sitting on the edge of the bed. Fuck, Levi cursed himself. Why did I go and open my big mouth? No wonder people leave me.   

“ I’m being serious, Levi.” The pain weighed heavily in Erwin’s voice.

Levi crawled over to Erwin and cuddled up next to him. He placed a soft kiss on Erwin’s shoulder and then rested his head there, taking Erwin’s left hand in both of his.  

“I know,” he murmured, running his fingers over the knuckles. “Forget I said anything.”  

“Why would you doubt me?” Erwin turned to face Levi.

“It’s complicated,” Levi said. “Everyone who has ever been close to me has left in one way or another. I don’t want you to leave me either.”

Erwin raised his hand to cup Levi’s cheek. “Do you remember that day when I asked you to stay? I was being sincere, but also a little selfish. Part of me wanted you to stay because I was already falling for you, and I didn’t want you to leave. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

“You mean you were falling in love with me when I was trying to kill you?” Levi’s eyes went wide.

“It sounds messed up; I know,” Erwin shook his head. “The fire in your eyes resonated with my soul and I couldn’t let you slip away.”

Levi kissed Erwin’s palm where it rested on his cheek.  

“I-”

“It’s ok, you don't have to say it back. I just needed to get it out before we went any further,” Erwin said.

Levi shook his head and met Erwin's gaze. “Maybe I want to say it back. Did that ever cross that big brain of yours?”

Erwin’s face flushed. 

“I love you too, Erwin.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah. Damn it. I do,” Levi replied.

Erwin grabbed Levi’s other cheek as he rested his forehead against Levi’s. Their breath mingled together, caressing their faces. Nothing but the sound of the two breathing could be heard above their racing hearts. Erwin let out a shuddering breath and Levi pulled away and noticed redness blooming around his eyes, tears threatening to spill over his cheeks. 

“Are you crying?” Levi’s mind raced. Shit is he regretting this already? God fucking damn it all, of course he is! I knew I shouldn’t have-

“I’m just so incredibly happy, that’s all,” Erwin replied. 

Oh. Oh. 

Levi reached up and swiped his thumbs under Erwin’s eyes and over his cheeks, wicking away the tears and holding his face as Erwin held Levi’s. 

“Me too,’ Levi whispered. 

Their lips connected again, this time savoring a simple kiss. Levi ghosted his fingers over Erin’s face again and let out his own shaky breath. His body ached from the searing joy in the intimacy he now found with Erwin. He quaked under Erwin’s gentle touch and he pulled away, gasping for air. 

“Are you ok?” Erwin asked.

Levi nodded and folded into Erwin.

“Do you want to just cuddle for a bit?” How did this man just know ?

Levi nodded again. 

“Alright, we can do that,” Erwin replied, pulling him close and laying them both down on the bed. “We can cuddle for as long as you’d like.”

Levi let himself be held, the weight of Erwin’s arms and the warmth of his body brought a strange comfort to him. Erwin’s scent clung to him-as persistent as the man himself. Levi closed his eyes, enjoying every swell of Erwin’s chest against him, reveling in every gentle caress of Erwin’s fingers against his skin. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Erwin asked, his voice just above a whisper. 

“I just want to get used to it.”

Erwin placed a kiss on the top of Levi’s head. “Take all the time you need. We don’t have to do more than what you’re comfortable with.”

Levi nodded and scooted even closer to Erwin. 

“This is the first time someone has held me like this in I don’t know how long. Maybe ever.”

Erwin's body tensed next to him. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Are you a-because it’s alright if you are. I don’t have a problem with it but I just assumed-”

“I’m not a fucking virgin,” Levi shook his head then froze. Fuck, there I go running my mouth again. “Are you?”

Erwin chuckled. “No. Though I can’t say I’m very experienced either.”

“Have you been with men before?”

“Once or twice. Have you?”

“Definitely more than once or twice.”

“I see.”

“Is that a problem?” Levi’s blood ran cold. 

“Not in the least,” Erwin smiled down at him before placing a sweet kiss on his lips. “I’d love you no matter who you’ve slept with.”

“Been fucked by.”

A flush bloomed over Erwin's cheeks. “Doesn’t matter.”

“But why? Why don’t you care?” Everyone else does.

“Because I love you and because what you’ve done with other men is none of my business,” Erwin said. “If you think I can be that easily scared, you’re sorely mistaken.”

A lump formed in Levi’s throat and he buried his face in Erwin’s chest. He smelled of sweat and military issued soap. It was so uniquely Erwin that Levi couldn’t help the contented sigh that left him. Erwin’s arms tightened around him and his nose nuzzled into Levi's hair. 

“This is nice,” Erwin murmured. “I’m glad we slowed down.”

“Mmhm.”

Levi grasped Erwin’s shirt in his hands. The first few buttons had already been undone so his collarbones and the top of his chest were visible. A light trail of dark blonde hair drew Levi closer until his nose brushed against the fine hairs. His fingers traced across Erwin’s exposed chest, exploring this little patch of heaven. Erwin’s skin was warm and soft to the touch with a hint of sweat. Levi’s lips found the divot between his pecs and he gave it a light kiss-once, twice before his fingers finally unbuttoned the next button. Above him, Erwin let out a moaning sigh, rolling onto his back-an invitation for more. Levi kissed his way from Erwin’s chest to his lips, hovering over him as each new patch of warm, salty skin met his mouth. From Erwin’s lips to his ear Levi’s lips marched until he took Erwin’s earlobe in his mouth and sucked hard. 

“Fuck!” Erwin moaned. 

A grin spread over Levi's face and he nipped the lobe again before pulling back and laving his tongue along Erwin’s collarbones. He tasted just as he smelled-musky and clean. Levi dug his fingernails into Erwin's sides through his shirt before pulling back to gaze down at him. Erwin’s eyes were glassy and lidded as he reached up to cup Levi’s face again and his thumb brushed across Levi’s check one, two, three, four times. 

“Damn, you are so beautiful.” He whispered.

A snarky reply died on Levi’s lips as Erwin scooped him up and placed Levi on his lap, his hands grabbing fistfuls of Levi’s ass. Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck and dove in for a kiss-all pretense of chastity gone. Their tongues slipped against each other in a harmonious dance as Levi fumbled with the rest of Erwin’s shirt buttons. The shirt fell to the mattress beneath and Levi leaned back to get a better view. His mouth hung slack as he took in every chiseled detail of the man before him. His muscles bulged and shifted with Erwin’s breath, sweat glistening off every inch of him. Levi ran his fingers down the broad chest and grazed the pert nipples. Erin gasped and huffed, arching his back into the touch. Levi smirked and ran his fingers over them again. This time, Erwin cursed under his breath and gave a shaky laugh.

“I didn’t-ah-” Levi interrupted him with another touch there. “Fuck, Levi.”

“Good?” Levi purred.

“Yes, very-shit-very good!”

“Good.”

Levi’s hands moved farther down until they reached the patch of hair that disappeared into Erwin's trousers. The outline of Erwin’s bulging cock had Levi licking his lips and grinding his own bulge into Erwin’s thigh. He drew in a sharp breath when Erwin thrust up to meet him, sending shockwaves through his entire body. His hands reached for Erwin’s belt, but a hand stopped him.

“In good time,” Erwin murmured. “Can’t let you have all the fun.”

Levi nodded and before he could do anything else, Erwin flipped them over so he was hovering over Levi. From this angle he was like a giant. His eyes gleamed with a hunger Levi had seen only in glimpses a few times before. Now, it burned in him, the fire of it spreading to Levi’s body. He wanted and was wanted. He longed for nothing but skin between them-to feel Erwin’s heat on his. Again he reached for Erwin’ belt buckle and this time Erwin complied. As Levi worked on Erwin’s trousers, Erwin deftly unbuttoned Levi’s shirt, exposing his pale skin to the dim light. Before Levi could get the trousers off him, Erwin descended upon Levi, the warm heat of his mouth connecting with Levi’s chest. Levi arched into the touch with a gasp, his body pulsing and throbbing. 

“How are you so sexy?” Erwin murmured before pressing his tongue into Levi’s nipple. Levi’s fingers dug into the mattress below, grasping at the sheets. Erwin’s mouth was like the warm summer sun on his skin after a long winter. It slid across Levi's chest to the other nipple and he grasped Erwin’s shoulder, digging his fingernails into the supple skin. 

“Too much?” Erwin asked in a whisper. 

“No, keep going, please!” Levi moaned. 

“Good,” Erwin replied as his tongue lapped at every curve and divot of Levi’s torso. Each new patch of skin his tongue touched sent electric thrills over Levi’s body and his new trousers strained to keep his hardness in them. 

“Take off my pants,” Levi urged, reaching for his trousers. 

“I’m getting there,” Erwin replied, a wicked smile passing over his face. 

“Damn it, Erwin, take them off before they get ruined. They’re going to have some suspicious stains on them pretty soon.”

“Can’t you last a bit longer?” Erwin teased. 

“I can last fine, thank you,” Levi huffed. “It’s the precum I’m worried about, dumbass.”

“Oh, right.” Erwin sat up and helped Levi slide out of the new white trousers. “Wait, did you just call me dumbass when I’m doing all this to you?”

“I said what I said,” Levi replied. “Take yours off too. I’m not going to be the only naked one here.”

“You’re so romantic,” Erwin chuckled as he pushed his trousers over his hips. For an excruciating eternity, Levi waited for them to reveal that tantalizing bulge. He gulped as Erwin’s length came into view, slapping against his stomach as he freed it from the confines of his underwear. Its tip glistened with precum making Levi salivate. It was perfect. Long and girthy-perfectly proportioned to the man himself. And it was all his.

 The next moment, Erwin’s mouth was all over Levi’s body-his abs, the V line next to his hips, his happy trail and then his sensitive thighs. Each kiss, lick and bite left Levi moaning like a wanton whore, his chest heaving labored breaths of pleasure. He needed Erwin to touch him in the one place Erwin was avoiding. He needed to release all this tension. But at the same time, he needed this to never end-to be suspended in this eternal beautiful agony-wanting, always wanting. 

Cool air hit Levi’s cock as Erwin ripped his underwear off, leaving him completely naked and vulnerable to Erwin’s hungry gaze. 

“Oh, Levi,” Erwin groaned. “You're so unbelievably gorgeous.”

Levi’s hand flew to cover his face, but Erwin intercepted it, pressing his wrist into the bed.  

“Don’t hide from me, beautiful Levi. I want to see your face as you fall apart.”

Levi groaned, the flush on his cheeks growing. “You’re being embarrassing.”

“That so?” Erwin smiled and placed a trail of kisses up the inside of Levi’s thigh. 

“Fuuuck.”

 “I want you, Levi.” Erwin whispered. “I want to make you mine.” 

Levi’s legs opened, inviting him in even closer, and smiling up at Erwin as if the words held magic. 

“I am yours.” Levi whispered back.  

With a hungry growl, Erwin brought his mouth to Levi’s entrance, his warm breath making his hole twitch in unison with his cock. Such glorious torture was Erwin’s tongue on his pulsing hole. Back and forth and around it circled, pulling whine after whine from Levi’s lips. He gasped for air as tears trickled down his face. For what reason, Levi didn’t know, nor did he care because his mind was filled with nothing but the rapture that was Erwin’s mouth. It licked, pushed and eased him open, Levi’s body welcoming him inside. The way that tongue moved in him had Levi shaking. The coil in his belly tightened even more. 

Rough warmth of Erwin’s hand encircled Levi’s aching cock. His thumbs grazed its slit, smearing the clear sticky precum over its head. Levi tensed, his head falling back, as he let out a silent scream. The rapturous tingle that had started in his balls now crawled to the base of his tip. 

“I’m-I-” Levi panted. “I’m gon-cu-ah!”

The heat left his hole and for a split second, Levi feared he’d lose his impending orgasm. That was, until the luscious warmth of Erwin’s mouth enveloped Levi’s cock. Everything went blank after that. Every throb, every thrill, and every tightened muscle in him crashed over the ledge, releasing with wave after wave of pure ecstasy. His breaths came in short gasps and he plunged into blissful nothingness, his body spasming. 

Soft lips crept from his groin to his neck before pressing against his own lips, bitter and salty. Levi’s eyes fluttered open at the taste. 

“Go wash your mouth out. That’s gross,” Levi muttered. 

“I don’t think so. I think you taste wonderful,” Erwin replied with a grin. “Fuck, you were so incredible the way you responded to me. I almost came just from watching you.”

Levi rolled his eyes but didn’t protest any further. The truth was, it was kind of hot tasting himself on Erwin’s mouth-like Erwin belonged to him. His fingers traced down Erwin’s torso until they found his solid cock and encircled it. Its heat threatened to burn him and his pulse quickened once more. He gave its length a languid stroke and then another. Erwin closed his eyes and leaned into Levi, rocking into his fist. 

“You-you don’t-hah-have to-”

“I want to, Erwin.”

With each stroke, his pace quickened, until Erwin’s mouth gaped and hot cum covered Levi’s hand. He collapsed on his side, letting Levi slip out of bed and clean the sticky mess off himself. It was both revolting and alluring. He’d done that. He’d unraveled Erwin so fast he spilled his essence on Levi without warning. Levi would never admit that such a mess would get him turned on. 

When he returned to bed, he curled up in Erwin’s arms, letting himself get lost in their vastness. Erwin pulled him closer, squeezing him like he was going to disappear without warning. 

“This isn’t a one time thing, right?” Erwin's sleepy voice asked. 

“I told you I love you, what do you think?” Levi chuckled. 

“Good. I want you to be mine as long as you’ll have me.”

Levi pressed into Erwin even more. “You don’t know what you’re asking, Blondie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Erwin replied, kissing the top of Levi’s head and stroking his back. 

“You might get sick of me.”

“Impossible.”

Levi smiled into Erwin’s chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

When Levi woke up, a heavy warmth encircled him and Erwin’s breath tickled the back of his neck. He didn’t dare move in case this was all just one big, wonderful dream. He closed his eyes again and sighed. In all his sleepless nights, He’d never awakened to this. The corners of his mouth upturned. This was all too wonderful and bizarre for words. He was in love and was loved in return by a kind, wonderful, smart man. It didn’t seem real. Yet the arm slung over him and the gentle rise and fall of Erwin’s chest against Levi’s back were unmistakably real. He traced his finger over the arm embracing him. The hairs on it were fine and the skin was that of a man who spent most his time outdoors, yet still soft somehow-not unlike Erwin himself. It was small details like this that brought an even bigger smile to Levi’s face. 

All around them was silence. No creaking of the building or whisper of the wind. Nothing but Erwin’s breathing and the beat of Levi’s own heart. Levi closed his eyes and let memories of the evening before wash over him. It hadn’t been a dream. No dream had ever been so vivid or so perfect. He couldn’t have dreamed up the sounds Erwin made or the gentle yet firm touch. Nor could he have dreamed up the way his mouth felt against Levi’s skin or Erwin’s kind understanding when Levi needed to take a break. That embrace, like this one, meant everything. No, this was all too real in the best way possible. 

No one would know about this. This was too special to share with anyone-too intimate. No one would understand this. Hell, Levi didn’t fully understand it either. But he would protect it with every fiber of his being. He’d protect Erwin with every fiber of his being. He turned his head just enough to catch a glimpse of Erwin sound asleep. That damn smile crept back on his face. Erwin was so peaceful and relaxed in this state. Levi would make sure he’d always sleep this soundly. 

Levi, I love you

The words were etched into his mind for all time now. They weren’t just words. They were a promise of forever. They were his future. Every broken heart, every lonely night, every hushed and shameful encounter-it was all but a distant memory of an old nightmare. Now he was Erwin’s and Erwin was his. Warmth bubbled up in him at that thought. To belong to someone was a dream he never knew he wanted to come true. Levi nuzzled his head into his pillow, pushing his body even closer to Erwin’s. The warmth of the other man against him was like a home long forgotten. Was this what joy felt like? It was so entirely new but Levi knew he couldn’t let it go now that he had it. 

That was just how his life had been since leaving the Underground. Each day brought new joys and horrors but it was all beautiful in its own way. The Underground had been one monotonous night as he’d waited for his inevitable demise. Even being a menace to the MPs had lost its thrill. Then he’d seen the spark in Erwin’s eyes that day and everything changed. Erwin had done nothing but surprise him since then. How he’d knelt in the sewage that day, how he’d gazed up at him when Levi had a sword to his throat. Another smile played on Levi’s lips remembering Erwin’s confession the night before. Who fell in love with someone who was trying to kill them? Erwin, apparently. And it was so wonderfully bizarre to know that. But then how long had Levi been falling for Erwin? Maybe since the beginning, who knew? Levi certainly knew nothing now. 

He gently twisted in Erwin’s arms, holding his breath when Erwin sighed but didn’t move. The dim light from the windows outlined the sharp jawline and harsh eyebrows of Erwin’s face. His eyelids covered his brilliant blue eyes now but the rest of his face was so relaxed and peaceful. Just as it should be. Levi reached his hand to Erwin’s face and gave it a light stroke. His cheeks were rough and scruff from the growth of his facial hair overnight. His normally neat hair was tousled now too. Cute. The impeccable Squad Leader was now just Erwin-Levi’s Erwin-messy and imperfect. 

“I love you,” Levi barely whispered into the darkness. 

Levi nestled into Erwin’s chest, resting his ear over Erwin’s heart. The steady vibrations of its steady beat thrummed in his ear. They looked death in the eye almost daily but here they were, both alive and safe. Levi didn’t know what brought the bigger swell to his joy: the fact that he was safe with Erwin or That Erwin was safe and alive. Either way, this new life was a gift and Levi intended to appreciate that fact. He breathed in the comforting scent of Erwin as Erwin’s chest rose and fell against Levi’s face. This was what forever felt like. 

The light from the windows seemed brighter than it should for the early hours of morning. Surely the sun hadn’t begun to rise yet? Carefully, Levi untangled himself from Erwin and sat up in bed. No, it wasn’t the sun that lit the room-not yet. For all the nights he’d watched pass, Levi was rather an expert on the shifting light of the night. No, this light was different. His feet hit the cold floor with a soft thud as he rose out of bed and walked towards the windows. He snagged Erwin’s shirt from the floor and wrapped the thin garment over his shoulders. Not that it sheltered him from the cold. But the smell of Erwin on it warmed him nonetheless. 

Nothing but white. Beautiful, clean, white. Levi had never seen anything more satisfying. He was aware of snow, but had never witnessed it. People talked about it in the Underground. It was more of a legend than a fact. The biting cold forgotten, Levi leaned against the windowsill, mesmerized by the falling snow. There was nothing-no legend or story or myth-that could have prepared him for such beauty. If only Isabel could see this. She’d be out in it in a heartbeat, throwing snow at Furlan and him. Levi chuckled to himself at the image. He could almost hear the squeals of delight. Fuck, he still miss those two so much. 

“What are you doing?” came Erwin’s groggy voice.

“It’s snowing.” Levi replied, his eyes falling on a sleepy and ruffled Erwin as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“That so?” A wide smile crossed Erwin’s face as he got out of bed, donned a dressing gown and slippers, and grabbed the bedspread off the bed. 

 “Aren’t you cold, sweetheart?” He asked Levi, who only now realized he was shivering. Erwin wrapped the bedspread around Levi’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head. “That’s better.”

“Thanks,” Levi replied with a smile, snuggling into Erwin’s arms as they watched the snow fall. Erwin rested his head on Levi’s shoulder and Levi leaned into the contact, Erwin's stubble scratching the side of his face.    

“What, no snide remark about the pet name?” Erwin teased.  

“Did you want me to?” Levi replied, cocking his eyebrow.  

“No, not really.” Erwin smiled again and buried his face in Levi’s neck. “So, I can call you that, sweetheart?”  

“Fine, whatever.” Levi shook his head and suppressed a pleased smile. “Don’t expect me to return the favor, though.”  

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart,” . Erwin planted a kiss on the small of Levi’s neck before turning his attention back to the sea of white outside.  

“Looks like it’s a snow day for us.”  

“A what?” Levi said.

“A snow day. It’s a sort of unofficial tradition around here. The first day that it snows, we get the day off to enjoy it,” Erwin explained.  

“So, you sit around all day because of some snow?” Levi replied, shaking his head.  

“Who said anything about sitting around?” Erwin squeezed Levi a little tighter. “No, we get out and have a snowball fighting tournament. It’s a large-scale battle where our only ammunition is packed snow. It’s actually quite intense. Last one standing wins.” 

“Now that’s more like it,” Levi grinned.  

“What are you scheming?”  

“How I’m going to kick all of your asses.” 

“That so?” Erwin raised his eyebrows with an amused smile on his face. “You happen to be talking to the reigning champion.” 

Levi turned to face him, a wicked gleam in his eye. “Scared?”  

“Shaking in my boots.” Erwin bent down to kiss him. “Utterly terrified.” He added as he kissed his way down Levi’s neck.  

“You can’t make me go easy on you doing that, you know,” Levi stifled a groan.  

“That so...” Erwin kneaded his hands into Levi’s ass and continued his way down until he was on his knees in front of Levi. “What about if I do this? ” 

Levi couldn’t hold down the gasp that escaped his lips as the cold air hit his stiffening cock. Nor could he hold back the guttural moan when Erwin’s warm mouth encompassed it. Thrills ran up and down his body as Erwin lavished him with attention. 

After a few minutes of this, Levi, with all the willpower he could gather, pulled Erwin’s face away from his groin, bent down and whispered into his ear, “I want you inside me now.”

The two had tried to stagger their arrival at breakfast that morning so as to not raise suspicion. As it turned out, they needn’t have worried. Thankfully, the snow brought with it a buzz of excitement among the scouts, and they didn’t give either man a second glance. No one seemed to have noticed either of their absences at dinner the night before. Erwin breathed a sigh of relief as he sat with his squad mates amidst the buzz of excitement. His eyes found Levi as he entered the mess hall. A pink flush flared on Levi’s cheek as they made eye contact and Erwin couldn't help the smirk that crept onto his face. Petra approached Levi with a bright smile and he nodded, acknowledging whatever it was she’d just said, but his eyes remained fixed on Erwin. He finally settled at the same table as Erwin but across from him next to Hange and Nanaba. 

“Hey Erwin,” Hange said. “I was looking for you yesterday evening. Where were you?” 

Erwin froze momentarily before clearing his throat and replying. “I was in my office and then went to bed.” 

“Oh, were you unwell? You missed dinner.” Hange pressed.  

“Um, no. Just tired from the day, I guess,” Erwin replied.  

“I see.” Hange nodded. “How about you Levi? I didn’t see you at dinner either.” 

A scowl passed over Levi’s face. “I was cleaning. Why? Did you need me for something?” 

“Me? Not at all. I just wanted to check if there are plans for your birthday,” Hange replied.

“No plans,” Levi said. “Didn’t realize you loved me so much, Four Eyes.”

“Aw, of course I do Levi!” Hange reached over and tousled Levi’s hair.

Levi grabbed their hand, a dark glare in his eyes. “Keep your damn hands to yourself, Weirdo.”

“Ah come one, Levi. You know you love me!” Hange cackled before their face became serious. “Barracks must have been messy if you cleaned all the way through dinner.” 

“Like you’d know about cleaning Four Eyes,” Levi shot back. “You wouldn’t bathe if it wasn’t for me.” 

“Don’t remind me.” Hange sighed.

After breakfast, all scouts shuffled into the area near the training grounds, lining up as if they were about to start training exercises. Commander Keith Shadis stepped up on the platform in front of them and a hush fell over the eagerly awaiting soldiers.  

“Good morning and welcome to our annual snowball tournament!” he announced with the usual theatrical flair. Erwin smiled to himself at the enjoyment their ever-serious commander took in such matters. 

“Sir!” the scouts shouted in reply. 

“As always, the rules are simple: using nothing but your ODM gear and the snow, you must defeat your comrades. The last person standing wins. Signal with a red flare and return to base when you’re hit. When the last person is taken out, I will let off a black flare.”

A loud cheer erupted from the crowd.  

“You may go anywhere in the training grounds but nowhere else. As a reminder, this area is the safe zone. When you run out of ammo, you may make more here safely. However, your journey to and from this area will not be protected.” He paused for effect. “We are working on the honor system, people, so if you get hit, you must be honest and disqualify yourselves. Last, under no circumstances are you to damage private or public property. Understood, soldiers?”  

“Yes, Sir! Understood, Sir,” they shouted.  

“In that case, you have five minutes to get into position. When I give the signal, you may begin.” 

The scouts scrambled to make as many snowballs as possible before finding their perches. Erwin eyed Levi as he made his own stash. The two shared a mischievous look.

“Ready to get your ass handed to you, Mr Reigning Champion?” Levi said.

“Are you ready to be defeated for the first time in your life?” Erwin shot back with a cocky grin.

“Bring it, Blondie,” Levi grinned as he ran towards the training forest and flew into the air. Erwin sighed as the man disappeared amongst the trees. He would never stop being amazed at how Levi used his ODM gear.

“Be a bit more obvious, why don’t you?” Mike chuckled behind him. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Erwin replied. 

“Yeah and the two of you don’t reek of sex and each other,” Mike shook his head with a wistful grin. “I’m not judging. It’s pretty obvious you two are made for each other.”

“Shit, I keep forgetting about that nose of yours,” Erwin replied. “Can’t keep anything from you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep it to myself.”

“Thanks. You know how Levi is.”

“We share so much with each other every day. It’s special to have something that’s just for the two of you. I get it.” Mike gave Erwin a reassuring smile. 

“Sometime today, boys!” Shadis barked from the sidelines. 

The first part of the fight was pretty predictable. The newer scouts were eliminated early on by Erwin and his co-veterans with the exception of Levi who seemed always just out of range for Erwin. Hange took out Nanaba but Mike got Hange as they cowed in triumph over their friend. Mike was tough since he could smell danger. But as Erwin waited just out of nose range for his moment, Levi swooped in and took out the veteran. Erwin shook his head and chuckled to himself. No matter how good he was or how much planning he did, there was always Levi to take him by surprise. No matter, this wasn’t a competition to take down the most scouts. This was a last man standing wins competition, and Erwin could be the last man standing. Still, as more of his comrades fell by his skillful hand, his concern mounted. Where was Levi?

On his next stop for ammo, Levi appeared beside him, a cocky damn grin on his face and a predator's gleam in his eye. Erwin glanced over at the eliminated scouts. There were an awful lot of them sitting by and waiting for the game to end. 

“Looks like it’s gonna boil down to just the two of us,” Levi said, shooting a look over at their comrades. 

“It would appear so,” Erwin replied, piling his ammo and peering at Levi out of the corner of his eye. “You seem pretty confident.”

“That’s cause I am Blondie,” Levi replied. “Nervous?”

“Never.” Erwin grinned, standing up and towering over Levi. “You?”

“In your dreams.”

Some of Erwin’s more lurid dreams flashed through his mind and a flush flashed over his face. Levi cocked an eyebrow but said nothing. Erwin eyed the onlookers on the sidelines and cleared his throat, straightening up even taller. 

“Then what are you waiting for?” he asked as he raced back towards the forest. “Or are you just bluffing?”

Cold air wooshed over Erwin’s face and his heart raced in his chest. This game was fun but now with Levi haunting his steps, it was exhilarating. Erwin’s keen eyes and even keener senses went into overdrive. Where was the man? Erwin moved up higher into the trees to get a better view. It was odd waiting for such human-sized prey this time. The usual things he listened for like vibrations of the ground below or birds fleeing away from a threat were useless. Levi hid in the shadows-waiting for his moment, zipping from tree to tree like the wind. Erwin knew his strategy like the back of his hand. But he also knew that Levi would act on instinct-an instinct that Erwin didn’t share. Erwin needed to collect himself and come up with a plan. Could he set a trap? Not enough time. No, for now he’d have to wait for Levi to come into view. 

Then, by some stroke of luck, the sound of sputtering gas drew Erwin’s attention. Levi was spiraling towards the ground below, a curse on his lips. Without waiting, Erwin swooped in as Levi struggled to get back up-his gear having tangled in the fall. Victory was within his grasp once again. Alighting on the ground, he stepped even closer to Levi. He wanted to see the look of defeat on Levi’s face up close. He was so certain of his victory, in fact, that he didn’t notice Levi’s snowball hitting him. Not until he stumbled backwards and then fell from the force of it. He glanced down and there was the evidence: chucks of compressed snow stuck to his coat. Looking back up, he was met with Levi’s stupid, triumphant grin.  

“Told you I wouldn’t go easy on you,” Levi said. 

“You got lucky,” Erwin groaned. 

“Isn’t that how it goes in our line of work? How many Titans have you taken out because you got lucky?”

“True, but next time, you won’t get so lucky,” Erwin shook Levi’s hand when he stood up. “Congratulations on winning your first-and only-tournament.” 

“We’ll see about that,” Levi said. “Maybe you’re just not what you used to be, old man.” 

“I don’t remember you having an issue with my skills last night,” Erwin said, raising an eyebrow.  

“At least you’re good for something,” Levi retorted. “Come on, let’s head back and celebrate my victory.” 

“Not so fast, champ-” Erwin grabbed Levi and embraced him with one hand and raised his signal gun with the other. “I want to congratulate you personally.”  

As Erwin let off the flare, he pressed his lips against Levi’s, cold and chapped. Levi's mouth opened to him and he let out a sigh as the warmth of Levi’s mouth encompassed his. Their tongues slipped against each other and Levi gripped the sides of Erwin’s coat. Erwin let his signal gun drop as his other arm wrapped around Levi and lifted him off the ground. Levi gave a squeak but instead of pushing away, he gripped Erwin’s shoulders and wrapped his legs around Erwin’s waist. Erwin moaned into the kiss as heat spread over his body and he kissed Levi even more. Fuck, how he needed this man. It was insane.  

“Congratulations, Sweetheart,” Erwin whispered as he pulled away. “You’ve done very well.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Levi shot back. “We should get back to the others before they send in a search party.”

“That wouldn’t be good,” Erwin chuckled and kissed Levi’s cheeks. “I suppose we should go.”

“Are you gonna put me down or…?” Levi questioned. 

“Oh, right,” Erwin set Levi back on the ground. “You’re so small, I forgot I was holding you.”

“Bastard,” Levi grumbled, brushing off the snow that had rubbed off on his coat and smashing some extra snow onto Erwin’s coat.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“For calling me short and because it’ll look weird if we show up and are both covered in melted snow.”

They sailed back to base to an expectant crowd of scouts. Soft murmurs reached their ears as they landed, with everyone immediately noticing the undeniable signs of snow on Erwin’s coat. A cheer erupted from their comrades as the scouts surrounded Levi with whoops and cheers of congratulations. Levi seemed a bit uncomfortable but accepted the praise nonetheless. Erwin looked on, pride swelling in his chest and the smile never leaving his face. The only thing better than winning was watching Levi win. 

“We knew you could do it!” 

“Finally! Someone to take on the Squad Leader!” 

“Well done!” 

His comrades lifted him on their shoulders and carried him to the platform, setting him next to Commander Shadis.  

“Ha!” the commander exclaimed. “I knew you’d give him a run for his money!”

Turning to the rest of the scouts, he continued. “Looks like Levi is our new champion! Congratulations, kid. You get some meat for dinner tonight!”

Levi did not share his dinner with Erwin that night.

Chapter Text

Winter expeditions were arguably the worst. Hange was never one to lose spirits over nasty weather and they weren’t about to start, but they could do without the icy cold that numbed their fingers and made using gear that much more challenging. Still, one never knew with expeditions. Every mission was a chance to learn that made every numb and painful moment with it. A smile spread over Hange’s face at the thought. Yes, this might be the time they learned something new and exciting! Maybe they could change the fate of humanity with this one. Hange sighed and turned back to their task of preparing research tools for the expedition. What was next? They glanced over at their checklist. 

A knock came at the door. 

“Erwin asked me to help you get ready for the mission,” Levi announced as he entered. “Is it just you?”

“Yeah Nanaba caught a cold at the tournament and is still recovering.”

“You should get a real assistant one of these days instead of relying on the rest of us to help you with your crazy projects.”

“I would, but the commander said it’s not in the budget. Honestly, I don’t know why he can’t spare a recruit.”

“Maybe no one wants to work with you, Four Eyes,” Levi replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Ever think of that?”

“What?! Who wouldn’t want to work on this exciting research with me?” Hange replied. “Do you even know what I’m working on?”

“No but I know you and you’re crazy as hell. Even I wouldn’t want to be your assistant and I happen to like you.”

“Is that a compliment I’m hearing from you Levi? My, my! Erwin really has had a positive effect on you,” Hange grinned. Now that they finally had Levi alone, they could get the truth out of him. Ever since the morning of the snow day, Hange had been dying to ask one of them and Levi was right here and captive to their questions.

“Sure,” Levi replied. “You gonna put me to work or what?”

“Yes, can you please take inventory of those crates over there?” Hange pointed behind them.

Levi nodded and squeezed past Hange to the nook behind them. “How am I supposed to take inventory if I don’t know what I’m looking for?”

“I have a list here somewhere of everything we should have in those crates. Give me a sec, I ‘ll grab it for you.”

How do you find anything in this rat’s nest?” Levi grumbled as he opened the first crate. “Well, thank fuck these are organized at least.”

“So, you and Erwin, huh?” Hange said, eyes fixed on the checklist again. 

“What are you talking about? I told you, we’re just friends,” Levi replied. 

“That was months ago! I believed you back then, but I see how you both look at each other now. Something has changed and I am pretty sure I know what,” Hange said, reaching for a nearby stack of papers and fishing out the inventory list.  

“That’s funny, cause I never got the impression that you believed me back then,” Levi snorted, snatching the list out of Hange’s hand and glancing over it. “How do you even make sense of all this? Why do you need-” 

“Don’t change the subject, mister!” Hange pushed back.  

“Then stay on topic,” Levi said. “What is-”

“Ok, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either you tell me what is going on, or I don’t leave you alone until you do,”  Hange spun to face Levi. 

“I already told you, Four Eyes: we’re friends.”  

“I know that’s not the truth. Try again, my dear.”  

“Maybe I'll just ignore you. What'll you do then, hmmm?” Levi shot back.

“You can’t ignore me. I am very persistent when I want to be.”

“You’re crazy.” 

“Oh really? So, you want to do it the hard way. Fine by me!” Hange squealed. “Petra told me that Erwin gave you a lovely birthday gift.” 

“And?” 

“So, you’re not denying it?” 

“No. Friends get friends presents for their birthdays,” Levi replied with a shrug.    

“She said it looked expensive,” Hange continued. Damn belligerent bastard.  

“I wouldn’t know.” 

“You wouldn’t know about nice clothing?”  

“Who said it was clothing?”

“Petra did.”

“As far as I’m aware, Petra didn’t see me wearing the-” Levi started before his eyes bugged and his jaw snapped shut.

“Wearing what?” Hange peered down at Levi with an eyebrow cocked. 

“Nothing.” Levi turned back to the crate. 

“You guys were blushing like newlyweds the morning of your birthday,” Hange said.  

“Says who?” 

“Says me. I might wear glasses, but I’m not blind, you know.”  

Levi parsed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”  

“Don’t I?” 

“No.” Levi replied, facing Hange again. “Now, can we get back to work?”  

“Any reason for your absence from dinner the previous night?” 

“I told you. I was cleaning.”

“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Hange giggled.  

“Get your mind out of the gutter,”  Levi growled, a rosy blush blooming over his cheeks. “You’re disgusting.”

“Levi and Erwin sitting in a tree k-I-s-s-I-” Hange chanted.  

“Shut the hell up, Weirdo!” Levi snarled.  

“I will when you tell me what is going on.”  

“Fuck off.” Levi turned away the undeniable blush on his cheeks spreading to his ears.  

“Come on! Just tell me! Something is going on! I won’t tell anyone.” Hange whined.

“Now you just sound pathetic.”

“Levi and Erwin sitting in a tree...” Hange went back to chanting as they grabbed some supplies from the shelves. Levi rolled his eyes but busied himself with his task. They worked in silence for a few minutes before Hange couldn’t take it anymore. They were going to get the truth no matter what. 

“Are you going to tell me yet?” they asked, stepping into Levi’s personal space.  

“No.” 

Of course Levi wasn’t going to give it up like this. However, the blush on his face when Hange had chanted gave them another idea.  

“Is he good?” Hange said.

“Is who good at what?”

“Is Erwin good...in bed?” Hange whispered.  

“I....” Levi blushed a deep crimson.  

“That’s a big yes,” Hange declared with a grin.  

“I didn’t say that!” Levi snapped. 

“How big is he?” they whispered.  

“I-what-shut up!” Levi looked like he wanted to disappear . Victory was within grasp for Hange.  

“He always struck me as someone with a big-” Hange was cut off as Levi covered their mouth.

“Get your hands off me!” they protested through Levi’s palm.

“Be quiet!” Levi hissed. “Shut up and listen to me. I’m only going to say this once.” 

Hange nodded.  

Levi got extremely close and spoke in a low, menacing voice. “You want to know what is going on between Erwin and me? Fine. We’re in love and it’s no one's business but ours.” 

Hange’s eyes widened. They took in a breath to scream with excitement but Levi tightened his grip over their mouth. He stepped closer. “Don’t you dare tell anyone, or I’ll personally ensure you have daily baths. Got it?” 

“Mph!” Hange responded. Levi let his hand fall. “You wouldn’t!”  

“Don’t try me. I am not in the mood,” he replied. Hange said nothing more. They were fully aware that Levi would make them take a bath. He had done it more than once already. They stood in stunned silence, taking in the new information Levi had just provided.  

“So, you’re like, together?” Hange whispered.  

“Sure,” Levi said.  

“Have you, you know...”  

“Fucked? Yeah. We have.” Levi replied with a grin, crossing his arms over his chest. “And yes, he’s good and yes, it’s big.” 

Hange gaped and blushed a little. 

“You asked.” Levi smirked, clearly enjoying turning the tables.  

“I was just-I didn’t mean-” Hange sputtered. The size of Erwin’s dick was not something they’d wanted to picture today even if they brought it up in the first place. 

“Then mind your own damn business next time.” Levi replied, shooting them a pointed glare. “This is the only time we will talk about this, so ask whatever questions you have right now or be forever curious.”  

“Are you really in love? Have you said it to each other?” 

“Yes.” A cute smile quirked Levi’s mouth.

“Are you happy?” 

Levi blushed and looked away. “Yes” 

“Do you think-” Hange paused.  

“What?”  

“Do you want to be together for a long time?” 

“For as long as we have.”  

“He does too?” 

“Yes.” Levi let out a long sigh. Hange warmed with joy for their friend. The grumpy young man they’d met only months before had turned into a softie and Hange couldn't have been prouder. Before he could react, they wrapped their arms around him in a warm hug.  

“I’m so happy for you two!” they whispered in his ear. “And don’t worry, I won’t even think of betraying your trust.”  

For a moment, Levi hugged them back. “Thank you, Hange.”  

They pulled away, and Hange cleared their throat. “I think we should be getting back to work, don’t you?” 

“Thanks for throwing me to the wolves today, sweetheart ,” Levi grumbled as he entered Erwin’s quarters that evening. 

“Why? What happened?” Erwin asked, crossing the room to embrace Levi in a bear hug. 

“You know for such a scatter-brained weirdo, Hange is way more observant than you’d think,” Levi said. 

“I could have told you that much,” Erwin chuckled, placing a kiss on the top of Levi’s head. “That’s what makes them such a good researcher.”

“Well they used their powers for evil and interrogated the truth out of me about us,” Levi sighed. 

“I see. How did that go?”

“How do you think? They tortured me until I broke.”

Erwin ran his hands over Levi’s shoulders and gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Oh shut up, Blondie. You’re just relieved it wasn’t you.”

Erwin gave Levi a kiss on the cheek. “I’m very relieved it wasn’t me. I couldn’t handle that.”

“Bastard.”

“How about I make it up to you?”

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s waist and gazed up at his partner. “What did you have in mind?”

“Hmmm. How about-” Erwin hoisted Levi up into his arms, wrapping Levi’s legs around him. “-I make you feel really good?”

Levi Raised an eyebrow. “Only really good? I thought you were trying to make something up to me.”

“Fine,” Erwin chuckled into Levi’s neck. “I’ll make you feel so damn good, you can’t even think after I’m done with you.”

“Big words, Blondie.”

Erwin’s mouth quirked into a smile as he tossed Levi onto the bed. “Take off your clothes and I’ll show you I mean it.”

“Well, the commander is stepping down,” Erwin announced to Levi as they enjoyed their traditional post-expedition dinner together.  

“He tell you that?”  

“Yes. And he wants me to take his place.”

“That’s to be expected,” Levi replied. 

“It is a relief, I must say,” Erwin admitted.  

“You worked hard for this. You should be proud.” Levi said, placing a hand over Erwin’s. 

“Proud? Unfortunately, I cannot take pride in this. I’ve sent too many soldiers to their deaths to feel accomplished. I am just glad that my dedication has paid off.” 

“You deserve the recognition,” Levi entwined their fingers with a squeeze. “We should celebrate.” 

“I don’t know...” 

“You’re one step closer to your dream, Erwin. We should celebrate that,” Levi said. “Next time we get some down time, I’ll treat you to something nice. How does that sound?”

Erwin squeezed Levi’s hand back. “If you insist.”

“I do insist.”

Erwin shook his head. “Whatever did I do to deserve you, sweetheart?”

“Tch, something pretty bad, I reckon.”

“That so?” Erwin pulled Levi to his side of the table and onto his lap. “In that case, I’d like to know what it was so I can do it again in the next life.”

Erwin ran his fingers through Levi’s hair. Levi’s locks slid over Erwin’s skin like water and Erwin couldn't get enough. Levi tucked his head into Erwin’s neck with a sigh as Erwin continued to stroke his hair. Erwin rested his cheek against the top of Levi’s head and wrapped his arms around his beloved. Levi like this was pure magic. His small frame in Erwin’s arms was everything to him. The way they just fit together was like a confirmation from the universe that this was meant to be. Erwin let his eyes flutter shut. The warmth of Levi’s skin, its delicate plushness, his ridiculously clean scent, his muscular legs heavy on Erwin’s own, and the harsh ridges of his abs against Erwin’s arms-already Erwin had memorized it all. It was everything that was Levi. Even if all his other senses were stolen from him, Erwin would always know his Levi. He placed a soft kiss on Levi’s forehead before ducking down to his lips. A low rumble came from Levi as their lips pressed against each other. Erwin ran his fingers over Levi’s cheek. He pulled back to gaze into the infinite beauty that was Levi’s face. 

“You’re awfully sweet tonight,” Levi commented. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“We made it back alive from another mission. I’m grateful I can still hold you, that’s all.”

“And your dreams are coming true. That’s pretty great too.”

Erwin chuckled. “Yes, indeed. It is pretty great.”

Levi leaned his head back against Erwin’s shoulder. “I’m glad we both made it back alive too.”

Erwin let the silence envelope them in its safe embrace. It was selfish, of course, to be happy that his beloved made it out safe every time. How many others had lost their loved ones? But Erwin was a selfish man and the fact that Levi was alive even if others were dead was enough for him. Levi trusted him so implicitly as did every other soldier who’d never come back. But Levi was the only one he couldn’t lose. But he couldn’t say that out loud. They’d agreed that their personal and professional lives would be separate-that nothing that happened between them would affect what happened out there. But Erwin couldn’t help it. 

“I will need a Captain of course-a right hand man if you will,” Erwin said. 

Levi lifted his head and met Erwin’s gaze. “Who did you have in mind?”   

“You.”  

Levi’s eyes widened. “Why me?”  

“You’re the only person I trust to do exactly as I request and act on my behalf,” Erwin replied.  

“And here I thought I’d get promoted to Squad Leader.”

“Isn’t this better?”

“Probably. What would you need me to do anyway?”

“Well, for starters, you’d act in my stead whenever the situation calls for it-especially since I haven’t decided on a replacement for myself yet-”

“That’s just morbid,” Levi cut in.

“-And you’ll do whatever else I need you to do-important things I can’t trust just anyone with.”

“So I’m your personal pawn?”

“Certainly not,” Erwin scoffed. “If we are speaking in chess terms, you’re my Queen.”

Levi’s cheeks reddened. “Tch.”

“I understand that’s a rather vague job description, but you will outrank the entire Scout regiment save for me of course. Your word is my word. You are the only person I can trust in this position whose talent wouldn’t be better suited elsewhere. Besides, I suppose selfishly I would rather have you by my side than anyone else.”

“Don’t you think Mike or Hange would be better?”

“Are you saying you don’t want the job?” Erwin gave Levi a questioning look.

“Not at all. But let’s face it, they’ve put in the time and effort deserving of this kind of promotion.”

“Well, I trust you more than them. I know I can rely on them for the roles they’re in but you’re different from them-you’re special. And I’m not just saying that because I love you,” Erwin replied. “You’re my weapon-my sword. You’re ten times more skilled than them on your worst day then they will ever be on their best days. I mean it.”

“As long as this has nothing to do with our relationship-”

“It doesn’t. I promise.” Erwin placed a kiss on Levi’s head. 

“That kiss is very reassuring,” Levi said. “But that aside, so long as you’re making an objective choice that will be for the betterment of the Scouts, I accept.”

“Good, I look forward to working with you, Captain,” Erwin grinned. 

“Same to you, Commander,” Levi grinned back. “God that sounds weird.”

“Then just call me whatever you want to, Sweetheart.”

“Sure thing, Blondie.”

Commander and Captain spent a blissful evening together, falling asleep in each other’s arms and totally unaware of the impending hell. Somewhere, four warriors from Marley had already begun their journey to destroy what little peace they had. 

Chapter Text

Levi’s body ached. It had ached so long he’d stopped noticing. Exhaustion wasn’t the word for it. This was something beyond exhaustion-something Levi didn’t even know was possible. The last few days blurred into one neverending nightmare. Yet, he couldn’t stop. There was always another village to clear, another Titan to kill, another horror to witness. The stench of Titan puke had burned itself into his nostrils and the screams of terrified victims rang in his ears. Putricity, terror, and bloodshed were all that remained inside Wall Maria. Those lucky enough not to die at the hands of Titans had been trapped in the rubble of their homes dying slowly. Their safe havens had become their graves. 

And Levi wasn’t the only one. The usual chatter among comrades had quieted to murmurs and grunts outside of combat. They barely even made eye contact. This was the worst case scenario that had haunted the darkest places of their minds since they’d joined the Scouts-a fever dream they’d never dared to entertain. There was no time for tears in their ranks, however and pressing on was the only thing they could do to deal with the horror of this new reality. 

Outside a mostly intact hovel under the watchful gaze of the moon, Levi sat sleepless and restless. It was a small mercy that Titans didn’t function in the night-a mercy that his comrades readily took advantage of. But for Levi, the little sleep he could get at night eluded him these days. He sat outside the house on the front porch, under the guise of keeping watch. Wisps of cloud drifted across the sky, obscuring the stars above every now and then. It would have been a peaceful sight had it not been for the countless homes smashed to hell before him. Each home had a story of its own-a story never to be told now. How many of them had made it out? It was impossible to know for sure. That was the maddening thing of this whole ordeal. People who had been loved and who had loved now lay nameless and lifeless with heaps of others, never to be buried or remembered. Just like everyone he’d lost in the Underground. 

Levi leaned his head against the side of the house and closed his eyes. It was useless to mourn those he didn’t even know. Enough of his own comrades’ remains had suffered the same fates as these people. Rotting corpses. Levi couldn’t escape them no matter where he went. He let out a sigh, pushing away the image of Isabel’s lifeless eyes staring up at him from her decapitated head. No wonder he couldn’t sleep. He wrapped his cloak a little tighter around himself. 

Mom, wake up! Please!   

Mom, why won’t you listen to me? Please!   

Mama! Please! I’ll be good. I promise. Please, just open your eyes!  

Mama?   

Mom?  

Please! I need you, mama.   

Please wake up.   

Please don’t leave me, mama.  

Please...please...  

The warm embrace he’d always known from her was gone. Her hand was cold against his as he pleaded with her. The rosy flush that danced on her cheeks was replaced with an unfamiliar shade of ashen. No one came to see what had happened to her. No one cared. How much time passed since she’d gone to sleep? His stomach had ceased to complain a long time ago. Even it knew that no one would help. All was utter darkness and the putrid scent of rotting flesh. 

“Levi.” 

A soft voice cut into his nightmare and a warm embrace encircled him. Levi’s eyes fluttered open.  

“E-Erwin?” Levi’s eyes struggled to focus. Erwin’s hand cupped Levi’s face, and a powerful arm scooped him up into Erwin’s lap. The familiar touch reassured him that this was real.  

“Come here.” Erwin whispered as he wrapped his arms around a shaking Levi. “I’m right here. I’m here, Levi.” 

Levi’s body relaxed under Erwin’s reassuring hand, and the tears he’d pushed away for so long rolled down his cheeks unbidden. His breaths came in gasps and he gripped Erwin until his knuckles went white. If he let go for even a second, Erwin might disappear like he always did in LEvi’s dreams. Erwin’s fingers striked over Levi’s hair. Each gentle stroke quieted his tears as he melted into Erwin. It was so simple, just the two of them like this, yet so overwhelming. 

“Shhhhh,” Erwin whispered. “You’re safe, Levi. I have you. I won’t let anything happen to you, sweetheart. I promise.”  

Levi looked up through tear-soaked lashes, dazed and sniffling. That steady gaze and confident smile-just like the day they’d met. Relief welled up in him like a fountain, overflowing and washing over him. Erwin was here. Levi flung his arms around Erwin’s neck and held onto him as if he would disappear. Erwin’s answering embrace was just as tight as he placed little kisses on the top of Levi’s head. Levi let the sensation of Erwin’s strong arms around him take over his entire reality. His body shuddered as the tension he’d been carrying around for days left him. 

 “This is nice,” Erwin murmured into his hair. 

Levi sniffled in response. Erwin tilted Levi’s chin upwards as they peered into each other’s faces. One was haggard and pale and the other puffy and streaked. Levi gently grasped the back of Erwin’s head, leaning in for a deep, sweet kiss. The softness of Erin’s lips was like water to a parched man. Levi let out a small sigh as their lips slid and slotted against each other in a familiar rhythm. Too soon, Erwin pulled away.

“I missed that so much.” Erwin confessed with a shy smile.

“Thank you, Erwin.”  

“For what?” Erwin asked.  

“For finding me.”  

“I will always find you, Levi.” Erwin replied with a reassuring smile.  

Levi kissed Erwin again. “Clingy bastard.”  

“There he is.” Erwin chuckled, caressing Levi’s face. Levi relaxed against him, and they sat there  outside of time and space. Both nearly dozed back off before Erwin broke the silence.  

“Nightmare?” 

Levi nodded. 

“I see,” Erwin ran his thumbs over Levi’s face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Levi shook his head. “Maybe another time.”

“Of course,” Erwin stroked LEvi’s back. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Levi buried his face in Erwin’s chest again. At least here he was safe. A small smile tugged at his mouth. It had been so long since he’d felt this safe. Not since his mother held him like this as she soothed him to sleep. 

Levi must’ve dozed off because the next thing he was aware of was Erwin’s gentle voice in his ear, “Time to wake up, Sweetheart. The sun’s about to rise.”

A low hum of activity came from inside the house and footsteps approached them. Levi jumped to his feet just in time for Hange to appear. He heaved a relieved sigh and gave Hange a sharp look. They rolled their eyes in response.

“Commander, everyone’s ready.”

“Right, thank you, Hange,” Erwin replied, sighing and standing up. “Levi, are you ready?”

“After you, Commander,” Levi replied. 

Erwin smirked and winked at Levi before heading inside. Hange gave Levi a knowing look.

“Shut up, Four Eyes,” Levi growled. 

“I didn’t say anything,” they replied, filing behind Levi. “But I did see you before through the window.”

Levi threw an alarmed look over his shoulder, his stomach dropping. “What the…?”

“Don’t worry, no one else saw.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

Levi nodded and took another step forward. 

“I’m glad you two have each other,” Hange said. Levi turned and caught the teary smile on Hange’s face. “It’s just, with so much awfulness and inhumanity, it really is nice to see some love, you know?”

Levi’s face softened along with the feeling inside himself before covering it up with an eye roll. “Tch.”

The months following the breach were a blur for the scouts. They’d lost more of their ranks than they had in some time. The nightmare of it seemed to go on forever. After they evacuated all the districts of Wall Maria, things only got worse. Food had always been something of a limited resource behind the walls, but the loss of so much fertile farmland was a blow no one was prepared for. Tensions rose between the refugees of Wall Maria and the rest of the residents of the walls. It was no wonder. With so many new mouths to feed and so little food to go around, fights broke out regularly. Whatever empathy the refugees had curried at the start of it all, quickly shifted to resentment as winter approached. How were they to provide for so many? The king was useless as usual and the royal storehouses remained as tightly shut as ever. Nobles complained of the problems at hand but also refused to help out. But there was nothing the Scouts could do. 

That was until Erwin was summoned to the council one day and informed of a plan to retake the wall. It was a fool’s errand from the outset. No matter what they said, it was clear that this was a thinly veiled excuse to get rid of mouths to feed. He listened to the plan, nodding along as if it made some kind of sense, all the while running other solutions through his mind. The truth was that without knowing anything about the new Titans or their location, any attempt to retake Wall Maria would be foolhardy. The Colossus could just as easily show back up and undo everything as soon as they’d retaken it. And the council knew it too. No matter how many pretty words they used to describe it, it was still population control. Yet, what other options did they have? The longer he pondered it, the more he realized he was cornered. He sensed Levi’s glare burning into the back of his head when he accepted the mission, bracing himself for the lecture he’d get as soon as they were out of earshot of everyone else. 

That moment came as soon as they’d entered the carriage to take them back to HQ.

“What the fuck, Erwin? Why would you agree to that?” he spat, flopping down on the seat opposite Erwin. 

Erwin sighed. “We don’t have a choice. I wish we did, but think about it for a moment, Levi. What other solution do we have right now?”

Levi crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know but there has to be something. You and I both know that mission is bound to fail.”

“Of course it is.”

“Everyone on it will die.”

“Yes, they will.”

“And you are ok with that?” Levi almost shouted. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I never said I was ok with it.”

“Well, you seem pretty ok with it from where I’m sitting.”

Erwin leaned back in his seat and fixed Levi with an intent gaze. “Those people will die regardless of the operation. At least this way, we mitigate the deaths and relieve the tensions already building. Plus, it gives people a chance to at least try to do something good. They can die knowing that they gave their hearts to humanity. Far more dignified than starving or freezing to death.”

“That’s pretty fucked up,” Levi scoffed. “You sound just like them.”

“If you had the chance to save someone else with your sacrifice, would you take it?” Erwin asked, his eyes never leaving Levi’s. 

Levi looked away. “You know I would.”

“These people will have the chance to save their children from starvation by laying down their lives for them. And their children can grow up proud of their parents’ sacrifice. These people can be heroes.”

“We might as well just kill them now and get it over with.”

“Yeah, well, that wouldn’t look so good for the government, would it?” Erwin replied. 

“So we have to be the bad guys? I’m so fucking tired of them making us the bad guys.”

“Me too.” Erwin reached a hand out and placed it on Levi’s knee. “But there is no other solution. These are horrible times we face. Inhumanity has been forced upon us whether we like it or not and we have to make inhumane decisions.”

Levi regarded him for a moment. “Please tell me this upsets you, Erwin.”

Erwin stroked his thumb over Levi’s leg. “It upsets me a great deal.”

“Alright, I will trust your judgement then.”

A lump formed in Erwin’s throat. How easily Levi trusted him and how easily Erwin could disappoint him. Yet, that trust was what kept their relationship what it was. What kind of asshole used people’s trust like this? Levi would do whatever Erwin asked him to do-no matter how fucked up it was. He didn’t deserve that. Yet, Erwin couldn’t live without it. He should just cut Levi loose. How many items had he entertained that thought? But he needed Levi as much as he needed air. He would have to be selfish a bit longer.

After the operation inevitably failed, HQ grew quiet. It unsettled Erwin as he roamed the halls late at night. Too many empty bunks and unused tables and chairs sat waiting to be filled. Such pointless death for what? They were no closer to discovering anything about the new Titans than before. Who were the Colossus and Armored Titans? Why did they suddenly appear? And what else did they not yet understand? It troubled him a great deal. It was maddening to think of all they didn’t know. Even his own father’s explanation for things didn’t answer all the questions swirling in his head. 

These questions didn’t plague him alone. Hange often brought up the new Titans themselves. 

“They are clearly more than simply abnormal.” Hange observed as Erwin, Levi, and they sat around one evening discussing the matter. “From all the reports I have studied, they acted with purpose. Their goal was to break down the wall and unleash havoc.” 

“Of course,” Erwin replied. “That much is obvious.”

“It is alarming to consider the possibility that the Titans may possess such a high level of intelligence. But what’s troubling is that we’re only seeing it now. Why all of a sudden are there new intelligent types popping up and then disappearing just as quickly?” Hange said. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“Yes, indeed,” Erwin said. “It’s troubling to say the least. What do they have planned? And why have they only attacked one wall? Surely they could take down every last defense we have against the Titans.”

“You think these mindless creatures have plans?” Levie asked. “They’re monsters who eat humans. That’s their plan.”

“Normally, I’d agree with you. Even a few months ago I would have said the same thing. But the Colossus and Armored types are clearly working off of a strategy. What other explanation do we have for it? They show up, kick in the gate of Wall Maria, disappear into thin air, and then don’t appear again.”

“So what is their plan, then?”

“That’s impossible to say, unfortunately,” Erwin replied. “We only just found out they existed. Understanding their motives and predicting their actions is a guessing game at this point.”

“Which leads me to another issue.” Hange replied. “We still lack information about the origins of Titans, but if there are Titans with human-like intelligence, why have we only witnessed their presence recently? Have they evolved suddenly?” 

“That is troubling,” Erwin nodded. “Are there more Titans like these?”

“That’s not a nice thought.” Levi shuddered. 

“Indeed it is not. And it does make me wonder if regular Titans can turn into them.”

“It seems unlikely,” Hange said. “If that were the case, we’d know about it by now. As far as anyone can tell, Titans are mindless creatures acting on pure instinct. That’s not to say that they don’t possess some sentience, of course. But they act more like wild beasts than people.”

“What do you think, Levi?” Erwin turned his gaze to the man. 

“I don’t know.” Levi sighed. “This has never been my strong suit, figuring stuff like this out. Without having seen them with my own eyes, it’s hard to predict anything. For all I know, humans can turn into these bastards.”  

“You think humans can transform into Titans?” Hange’s eyes lit up at the prospect.  

“I just said, for all I know, it is possible. I highly doubt it, though. We should have figured that out by now if they could.”

“We might, but if there are more sinister forces at work, perhaps those forces control these new types of Titan and they have only recently sent them our way.”

“Why?” Levi asked. 

“Because we aren’t dying off fast enough.”

“Then why not come at us themselves? Why not destroy us from the start?”

“There is much we don’t yet understand. The wall cultists might know a thing or two, but even their lore is highly improbable. I believe the king knows more than he lets on. But, I believe the reason our enemies didn’t kill us all a hundred years ago is that they couldn’t. Whatever power they have, was obtained since we retreated behind the walls.”

“It would make sense,” Hange replied.

“Would it? Are you two saying that humans can really turn into Titans?” Levi said. “Are you out of your damn minds?” 

Erwin chuckled. “I think you know the answer to that.”

“It would make sense if they are humans, actually. Well if the new ones are,” Hange said. “They could have turned back easily enough and blended in with the rest of the refugees.”

“Which means, we could have traitors in our midst,” Erwin finished. 

“In the Scouts?” Levi asked.

“I donut it. That would put an unnecessary target on themselves. No, they likely are hiding out now, waiting for the next step.”

“Which is?” Levi said. 

“Who knows?”

“Wonderful.”

“But then, this is all speculation,” Erwin conceded. “I could be totally wrong.”

“Unfortunately for you, you’re rarely wrong,” Levi pointed out. 

“Are you admitting I’m always right?” Erwin grinned at Levi. 

“Don’t get any ideas, Blondie,” Levi scowled, but the hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. 

“I wish we could keep some for observation.” Hange mused. “It would be most helpful.”  

“How are we supposed to capture a Titan?” Levi scoffed. “Without killing half our people, that is.”

“I don’t know. But I want to try, anyway.” 

“That’s the most idiotic thing I have ever heard you say.” Levi rolled his eyes.  

“Capturing a Titan seems impossible, but we won’t give up on the truth,” Erwin cut in. “There was a Titan capture over ten years ago, I believe, but they lost twenty soldiers in the process. I can’t risk that right now. Hange, if you can come up with a way to keep them alive but keep us safe, please discuss it with me.” 

Hange beamed. “Really? Thank you, Erwin!”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Erwin replied. “It may prove to be impossible still.”

“Just watch, they’ll get a Titan and try to train it like a dog,” Levi rolled his eyes again. 

“Of course I would explore the possibility,” Hange replied. “I can’t not!”

“That wasn’t a suggestion, Four Eyes,” Levi groaned. “Can we talk about something else? Hange is giving me a headache.”

Erwin laughed, mainly to himself. Hange had always been a solid friend but he’d never imagined that Levi would be so tolerant of them. They were such different people. Bicker though they might, anyone could tell that Levi cared about Hange. As he watched them jibe back and forth, he couldn’t help the fond smile that crossed his face. Is this what family was like? It felt like what people talked about when they talked about their families. 

Levi glanced over at Erwin and gave him a quizzical look. “Are you ok there?”

Erwin shook himself out of his reverie. “Yes, just enjoying watching you two.”

“Tch, weirdo.”

“Indeed.” Erwin reached a hand and placed it on Levi’s. “I don’t remember you having a problem with that.”

Levi gave a scoff. 

“Aww you guys are so cute!” Hange said. 

“Shut up, Crazy!” Levi barked. 

“Levi and Erwin sitting in a-ow! What was that for?” Hange grabbed their foot where Levi stomped on it.

“You know what for. Shut the hell up!”

Hange flew into hysterics which only aggravated Levi. He pouted, arms over his chest and giving Hange dirty looks. “Aren’t you gonna help me out here, Blondie?”

“You seem to have it under control,” Erwin replied with a wink.

“Some boyfriend you are.”

“Oh come on, Sweetheart,” Erwin pulled Levi into his lap and cupped his cheek. “I’m always on your side.”

“More like a pain in it,” Levi muttered. 

One morning in late fall, they woke up to black skies and heavy rain. Levi witnessed the dim light creep into their room. It reminded him of the day he lost Furlan and Isabel. For once, he was glad that they didn’t live to see this mess. It was strange, experiencing relief that someone he cherished had passed away. He glanced at a sleeping Erwin. I don’t believe it’s possible for me to feel that way about him. I would never be glad that he was dead, no matter how dire it gets.   

Erwin stirred beside him. If he died? Levi couldn’t imagine life without him. Without Erwin, Levi would be purposeless, like a leaf in the wind. He nuzzled into Erwin’s chest.  

“Aren’t you the cuddly one this morning?” Erwin teased in a groggy voice.  

“Shut up.” 

“Never!” Erwin let out a sleepy laugh.  

“Jackass.” 

Erwin responded with dozens of small kisses on Levi’s face. Despite himself, Levi gave a grin in response and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s large body.  

“Are you ok, sweetheart? Not that I’m complaining, but you seem extra sweet this morning.” 

“Do I need a reason to cuddle with the man I love?”  

“You love me, do you?” Erwin teased.  

“Tch, you’re alright I suppose.”  

“Now look who’s the jackass.” Erwin started kissing his way down Levi’s neck.  

Levi moaned and relaxed on the mattress. A loud clap of thunder sounded overhead. Erwin looked around, only now realizing that it was storming outside. He cracked a wry smile before turning back to Levi. 

“Reminds me of the day you tried to kill me,” He mused.  

“Huh, you’re right.” Levi had almost forgotten that he had tried Erwin on the same day he lost his friends. The two events had brought such different outcomes in his life, they almost seemed completely separate. One held such sorrow and the other had brought so much joy. Erwin had been there for him ever since, and had made their passing so much easier to handle. Erwin made everything easier.  

“I like you better like this, though.” Erwin bent down to kiss Levi again.  

“Wait.” Levi put up a hand to stop him.  

“Is something the matter?” 

“I’m ready to talk about it.”  

“About what?” 

“About that nightmare I had.”  

“Now?”  

Levi nodded, his heart pounding in his ears.  

“I’m listening,” Erwin replied, laying back on the headboard. 

“When I was a kid, pretty young, my mom died.” Levi began. “It was just her and me for my whole life. I never knew my dad. I wasn’t aware at the time, but my mom worked at a brothel. One of her clients probably knocked her up.” 

“I see.”  

“Like I said, it was just the two of us for as long as I can remember. She never acted like she didn’t want me. Looking back, I believe she could have let me go, but she didn’t. We were pretty close and-” Levi’s breath caught in his throat, remembering his mother as the happy, caring parent she was. “She loved me. I am certain about that.”

Erwin reached out and brushed a few stray hairs out of Levi’s face. 

“She got sick and just never got better. She kept telling me she was getting better, and as a kid I believed her. One day, she said she needed to rest and just never woke up.” 

“That’s awful.” 

“Yeah, well, no one cared she was gone. She’d been out of work for a while, and no one came to check up on her. I was left with her rotting corpse, for God knows how long.” 

“Not even a neighbor showed up?” 

“Neighbors are different in the Underground.” Levi said. “If someone died, that was just one less person taking up resources and if they had kids? Well, too bad.” 

“That’s unthinkable.” Erwin said in a hushed voice. 

“I sat with her in that room. I can’t remember that time much. I just remember sitting in that house, wondering when I was going to die. Sometimes I wondered if I had died, and I was in hell. Then someone showed up. I thought it was a miracle at the time.” 

“Who was it?” 

“Kenny the Ripper,” Levi said. “So much for a guardian angel, I guess.” 

“As in the guy that murders MPs?” Erwin pulled back in shock slightly.  

“Yeah. That’s him. He knew my mom, apparently. Who knows how. He called her by her name, and he asked me mine. He got me out of there, fed me, and kind of took me under his wing. When I knew him, he was just Kenny. He never was one to share much.” 

“Do you think he was your dad?”  

“I think I just assumed it. It was easier that way. Course I didn’t know what kind of man he was back then. I don’t think I would have cared, either. He was nice enough to me. He taught me the basics of how to survive, so I guess I should be grateful to the bastard.”  

Erwin nodded. 

“Doesn’t matter anyway cause a couple years later he walked out on me.” Levi shrugged but his voice trembled. “I got into an altercation with my mom’s pimp one day and I just sort of lost it on the fat bastard. I don’t even remember what I did, but the next thing I knew, I was standing over his dead body and Kenny was walking away. Called after him, but he either didn’t or wouldn’t hear me.” 

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. Not like I blame him. I was a pain in the ass kid and all. But…” KEnny’s back disappearing into the dark flashed in Levi’s mind. 

“You were still a kid. You shouldn’t have been left alone,” Erwin replied, taking LEvi’s hand in his. 

“What’s done is done.”

“That doesn’t make it hurt any less.” Erwin’s thumb slid over Levi’s knuckles. “I lost both my parents too.”

Levi turned to meet Erwin’s eyes for the first time since he’d started talking. “Yeah, it’s shit, isn’t it?”

Erwin pulled Levi in close and kissed the top of his head. “Sure does.”

“You don’t have to worry about any connection between me and Kenny, by the way,” Levi said after a moment. “If I ever see him again, I’ll kill the ugly bastard where he stands. Doesn’t matter if he saved my life. He's a piece of shit.”

Thunder rumbled above them and Erwin squeezed Levi even tighter. 

“Thanks for telling me all this,” Erwin said. 

Levi shrugged. “I guess it’s nice to have someone to share this shit with.”

Chapter Text

“Red flares from the right flank!” Erwin called out. “Change to the left!” 

He set off his green flare to signal the change in directions. An explosion of green surrounded them as the rest of the formation followed suit. Only a few hours out and already their third sighting. Avoiding Titans had become much easier since they mastered the long-range scouting formation. Levi glanced behind them, a wave or relief flooding his body. Another incident avoided. How many lives had they saved since implementing the formation?

But their victory was short-lived. Two red waves appeared: one from the front, and another from the left. The familiar pit that seemed always at the edge of everything formed in Levi’s stomach. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy.   

“Keep going. The others can handle a couple little Titans,” Erwin said. “Focus on what’s ahead.”

Levi didn’t respond but he kept riding. Erwin was right, of course. But that urge-the urge to run off to the rescue needled at the back of his mind. What if he could save someone? What if one of his comrades died when they didn’t have to?

“I can hear you grumbling from here,” Erwin said over his shoulder. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Levi retorted. 

“You didn’t have to.”

“So can I go?”

Erwin glanced to the left and right. “I think we’re good for now. But I may send you ahead in a moment.”

More red flares came from the front. If they didn’t do something, they’d be running in their comrades’ dead bodies soon. Levi gripped the reins of his horse. Erwin never led them wrong. He always had a plan. All he had to do was grit his teeth and wait for this to be over. Just wait for the next command. 

Then, black smoke appeared in front of them. And not in the distance either. No, this smoke was close enough to be from the group ahead of them. An abnormal this close? His eyes fell on Erwin’s large frame where he rode in front of Levi. Erwin was headed straight for the abnormal. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let Erwin rush into that kind of danger. 

Fuck waiting for orders. Fuck Erwin’s stupid sense of bravery. Levi broke off and rushed ahead, ignoring Eriwn’s calls to him. This was for the best. This was for Erwin’s sake. The blonde dumbass didn’t know what was good for him sometimes. Levi was disposable. But the commander wasn’t. Erwin wasn’t. 

Looking a Titan dead in the eye never got easy. Something about that dead,hungry stare they all had made Levi want to vomit. This abnormal had that same look. Human form but not human. It was disgusting. It leered down at Levi, a ravenous grin spreading across its face. Blood from his dead comrades dribbled down its chin. It lumbered forward, eyes fixed on its prize. 

“Come on, you ugly bastard,” Levi growled. “Try and kill me. I dare you.”

Air rushed around him as he flew at the Titan. Its giant paws grabbed at him but Leiv was too fast. He anchored himself on the Titan’s back, swinging almost to the ground to knick its heels and hamstrings. As the Titan toppled forward, Levi shot into the air with a burst of gas, plunging back down in a tight spin. His blades sliced through the flesh of the Titan’s neck like a butcher’s knife through meat. Blood and viscera assaulted his face and hands. 

Gross. At least it would evaporate soon enough. Levi alighted on the ground, spitting the Titan blood out of his mouth as steam rose from the carcass. All that death and he finished the bastard off in less than a minute. Fuck Erwin’s plans. He was the best weapon they had anyway. 

Thundering hooves approached. As Levi turned to give Erwin a defiant glare, a shadow appeared over him. A shadow of a hand. And then-

Darkness. The hand engulfed him, smothering him and gripping too hard for Levi to move. Levi pushed against the overwhelming force. He kicked. The grip only tightened. He gasped for air. But the closeness around him made it impossible. Sharp searing pain shot through his whole body. The crushing weight of a Titan hand was enough to snap his bones like twigs. 

Is this how he died? 

How pathetic. 

A million images crowded his mind. His mother singing him to sleep. Isabel jabbering on like she did. Farlan’s quiet smile. Hange greeting him like an old friend the first time they met. 

Erwin. 

Those brilliant blue eyes gazing at him like the whole world only existed in Levi. He’d told him not to go. There had been panic in his eyes as Levi raced off. Levi hadn’t thought much about it until now. Now that this Titan was about to crush him into a pulp of blood and flesh. Now that he was about to become Titan spew. Why was he always so headless? Why didn’t he listen? And now, Erwin had to watch him die. He’d never feel those strong arms again. He’d never be able to watch over Erwin as he slept peacefully through the night. A hot tear trickled down his face, stinging his cheek. 

He was falling. Sinking into the great abyss. Huh. He’d never expected that death would feel like this. And why did his pain get worse? Cool air all around him, washing over him, ruffling his cloak and hair. 

Wait. 

Levi opened his eyes just in time to see the ground rushing up towards him. No place to anchor his gear. Shit. But he could still land without doing any more damage at least. Before he could turn himself mid-fall, however, strong arms caught him. He glanced up at his savior, locking eyes with the clear blue fire of-

“Erwin?” 

“Are you injured?” Erwin replied as they alighted on the ground. “Can you stand?”

“Yeah I can-” Levi hissed and cursed as Erwin set him down. It was as if white-hot tongs had been jabbed into his side. He doubled over, clutching his ribs. “I think I broke something.”

“You’re lucky you’re alive,” Erwin replied. “What were you thinking, rushing off like that? I told you to stay back!”

“And let that abnormal keep killing our men? Yeah, no thanks,” Levi wheezed. Every breath sent daggers to his sides. “Help me up and get me to a medic, will you?”

“You can’t even stand,” Erwin pointed out. “Wait here and I’ll get someone.”

Levi watched Erwin disappear amongst the Titan steam and their comrades. Fuck him and his holier than thou attitude. How many times had Levi taken down a Titan and been just fine? It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. At any rate, he was alive, wasn’t he? Erwin could try being grateful for that. 

The campfire popped and crackled in a merry dance, lighting up the clearing in the woods where they’d made camp. The others had long since gone to bed, leaving Erwin in a dreadful silence. He should sleep. It wasn’t like there’d be any Titans at night. He’d be a wreck in the morning if he didn’t get some kind of rest tonight. 

But every time he closed his eyes, the vision of Levi swallowed in that Titan’s hand, and getting ever nearer to its mouth washed over Erwin. He couldn’t breathe or think. Levi had been so close to getting eaten, and all because he hadn’t listened to Erwin. His eyes fell on Levi, now sleeping for once. He wouldn’t let that man out of his sight again. He couldn’t. Erwin reached out and pulled Levi’s bedding tighter around him. The little pain medication they could spare out in the field would have to do til they got back. Erwin pushed a lock of hair out of Levi’s face, running the tips of his fingers along Levi’s cheek. 

At least he was alive. No thanks to his reckless stupidity. Erwin let out a shaky breath. He should be grateful. 

But Levi was the last person Erwin expected to end up crushed in a Titan’s paw. He’d killed more Titans than anyone else since he joined the Scouts. He always came out unscathed. Even as he’d ridden off, Erwin trusted him to come back in one piece. After all, he’d taken out that Titan all on his own on his first expedition. But there was a reason Erwin wanted him close. A reason he’d yelled at Levi to come back. He knew that even the strongest soldier could be taken out by the smallest Titan. 

When he’d gone off to find the medic cart, nausea overtook him like it was his first time seeing someone eaten by a Titan. He’d grabbed onto Hange for support when they rushed up to him, asking after Levi. Or that’s probably what they’d asked. Erwin couldn’t be sure. He’d never been so weak before. Ever. Hell, he’d almost collapsed. 

But Levi was alive. That’s all that mattered. Levi was alive. Levi was ok. He’d live to fight another day. 

Fight. Get put in danger. By Erwin. 

How could he say he loved Levi and still send him into mortal danger all the time? Selfish as always. He didn’t love Levi. He used him. Just like every other soldier that he’d turned into Titan puke. Why did he think he could love anyone? He’d been smart to back away from Marie. He should have backed away from Levi too. 

He couldn’t. No matter how many times he’d tried, he couldn’t leave the man alone. He was so damned weak to him from the first moment he’d laid eyes on him. A smile tugged at Erwin’s lips. His heart had nearly leapt out of his chest when he’d seen Levi that day. His entire being yearned for him from that moment on. Erwin had never yearned for anything but the truth to be known about the Titans. Yet, he yearned for Levi. Like a freaking schoolgirl. 

And who could blame him? His skill as a soldier would make anyone weak in the knees. The way he sliced through Titan flesh as if it was air. The way he always knew just how to land the perfect killing blow. And the ODM skills? Forget it. And he was smart-too smart sometimes. He might be the only person to keep up with Erwin. Not to mention that tiny waist and the ass that fit so perfectly in his hands. The way they fit together like puzzle pieces. How easy it was to pick him up. 

Fuck, even thinking about it drove him crazy. 

Erwin laid on the ground next to Levi. His hand rested just next to his shoulder. He was safe. Soon, he’d be healed and in Erwin’s arms again. Searing tears flowed down Erwin’s face and onto the grass below. His shoulders shook as he tried to hold on the sobs that strained to break free. 

Levi was safe. 

As soon as they had returned, they sent Levi to the infirmary to get checked out. Three ribs were broken, along with two breaks in his right arm and one in his left wrist. Really, it was a miracle that those were the only bones he’d broken. But still, it was a pain in more ways than one.

The doctor instructed him to stay in bed while his ribs healed. If Levi could have chosen, he’d have preferred death to this. Every time he moved, he wanted to scream. Even worse, the weather had been glorious ever since they’d gotten back and it made Levi want to scream even more. 

At least Erwin stayed close by. Otherwise he might have gone crazy from boredom already. But then, Erwin was always hovering over him, pestering him with questions about his pain and fluffing up his pillows. And feeding him and telling him to lie down and stay in bed. And helping him use the toilet. Fuck, that was the most humiliating part. He was as helpless as a baby. 

“I can feed myself, blondie.” Levi grumbled like he did every time Erwin tried to feed him.

“Ok fine, feed yourself then.” Erwin replied in an exasperated tone as he tossed the spoon back into Levi’s porridge.  

Levi reached with his left hand and picked up the spoon. He raised it up to his mouth for a triumphant bite, only to have the porridge fall into his lap as his injured wrist wavered. He tried again. This time, the spoon barely left the bowl.  

“Need help?”

Erwin stood with his arms crossed, observing Levi with a cocky quirk of his eyebrows.  

“No, I can do it.” Levi replied with a huff. He tried a few more times with similar results. He lay back on his bed with a great sigh. “Fine, you win.” 

“Why can’t you just let me take care of you?”

Levi didn’t reply.  

“Are you really that stubborn? I want to help you, sweetheart.”  

Yes. 

“I mean it.”  

Whatever.  

“You know, at least you could show a little gratitude.” Erwin said with a deep sigh. 

“For treating me like a baby?” Levi shot back.  

“Why can’t you accept your limits?”  

“I can do whatever I want.”  

“Not right now, you can’t,” Erwin replied, shoving another spoonful into Levi’s reluctant mouth.

Limits. Fuck the Limits. He’d never needed anyone before, and he’d be damned if he started needing anyone now. But that look on Erwin’s face. Fuck, Levi was so weak to it. Those great blue pools that were his eyes, pleaded with Levi.  

“I don’t like being dependent on anyone, ok?”

“I know.” Erwin replied.  

“I’m sorry I’m being a jackass.” Levi hung his head.  

“Does that mean you’ll let me help you?” 

“Fine.” Levi pouted. “But only until I can take care of myself.” 

“Of course, sweetheart.” Erwin leaned in and kissed him. “But not before.”  

Levi rolled his eyes but kissed Erwin back. He had to admit that it was nice being cared for. Erwin was an excellent nurse, and he did his best to keep Levi occupied while he was out of commission. They reviewed strategies and discussed how best to use squad members. Teams were shuffled for optimization, and Erwin updated Levi daily on operations. Then, in the evenings, when visiting hours were supposed to be over, Erwin read to him until one of them fell asleep-usually Erwin. But then, watching Erwin sleep with his head on Lievi’s bed as he sat in the chair next to him was its own treat. 

Hange came by regularly to discuss progress in their research. There was minimal progress, but they made for enjoyable and invigorating company. Hange was a weirdo, but they were a smart weirdo and Levi, despite himself, enjoyed their visits.  

“Has he been a good patient?” Hange asked Erwin. 

“Ha! What do you think?” Erwin retorted.  

“Patience isn’t exactly one of my virtues.” Levi admitted.  

“That’s true. It looks like Erwin has been taking good care of you, though.” Hange observed.  

“He still won’t be a sexy nurse for me, though,” Levi griped.  

“The outfit doesn’t fit, I told you,” Erwin teased.  

“Aw come one Erwin, look at Levi’s sad, injured state!” Hange giggled.  

“Yeah, Erwin, look at how sad I am,” Levi grinned.  

“You too, Hange?” Erwin sighed.  

“You would make a sexy nurse...” Hange laughed.  

“He would,” Levi agreed.  

“Perhaps if you’re good, I’ll think about it.” Erwin replied, winking at Levi.  

“Well, I guess I’m not going to see it then.” Levi sighed. “That’s too hard.”  

“That’s what I thought.”   

“Those are lovely flowers.” Hange said. “Did you get those for him, Erwin?” 

“No, Petra brought them.” Erwin relied.  

“Ah, I see,” Hange replied. “You realize she has a crush on you, right Levi?” 

“Popular with the ladies, as always.” Erwin joked.  

“Whatever. It’s not like I’ve encouraged it.” Levi rolled his eyes.  

“You sound like you don’t like that idea much.” Hange said.  

“Why would I care about someone crushing on me when I have Blondie here?” Levi shrugged.  

“You’re already spoken for.” Erwin winked.  

“That I am.” Levi replied.  

“God, you two are too cute!” Hange said.  

“Shut up, Four Eyes.” Levi growled.  

“Come on, I can’t be happy for my friends?” Hange whined.  

“You can be happy quietly.”  

“Erwin, help me out.” Hange pleaded.  

“Why does it matter what they say?” Erwin asked Levi.  

“Tch.”

“Fine. I’ll keep all the nice things I was going to say to myself.” Hange said.  

“Good.”  

“Levi!” Erwin chided. “I appreciate it, Hange.” 

“At least someone does!” Hange replied with a grin.  

“Don’t you have Titan bones to play with?” Levi asked.  

“Not at the moment. But if someone granted me the opportunity to study a Titan closely, then perhaps I would!”  

“It’s too dangerous,” Erwin reminded them. 

“But I really want one!”  

“Maybe one day.”  

“I’ll hold you to that.”   

“I’m sure you will.” Erwin chuckled.  

After a few, excruciating weeks, Levi seemed to improve quite well. The doctor even commented on the rate at which his body healed. Really, it was for the best because as crazy as Levi was going being stuck in bed, Erwin was about to lose his mind. If it wasn’t a complaint, then it was a push-back on whatever rules he had to follow. Erwin hated to admit it, but he was relieved when the doctor told them that Levi could start getting back to his regular duties. Limited, but at least he could get outside. 

Erwin assigned him to running training exercises with the others. Well, observing really. But since he had been inside for so long, Erwin figured that it was better than nothing. He took all the squad leaders aside and gave them strict instructions not to let Levi out of their sight. He was to stay on the ground, and definitely no exertion. 

At least Erwin could go back to his regular duties too. He was woefully behind on most of his work since the expedition and it was nice to clear his desk off of the built-up paperwork. 

A knock came at his office door. 

“Come in,” Erwin commanded. 

A young scout, fresh out of the training corps appeared in the doorway looking very, very lost and slightly terrified. 

“What can I do for you?” Erwin asked. 

“Sir, it’s about the Captain.”

Shit. Erwin’s heart stopped, a chill running down his body. “What happened?”

“He had an accident with the ODM gear and is back in the infirmary. Squad Leader Nanaba told me to get you.”

Erwin tossed aside his pen and grabbed his jacket. “For the love of the Walls, how did that happen? I told them to keep him grounded!”

“I-I don’t know, Sir! One minute he was sitting and the next he was flying through the air!” the kid squeaked. 

Erwin patted the poor, quaking  kid. “It’s not your fault. I’ll be going now. You may go back to training.”

“Yes, Sir!” the boy saluted and vanished. 

His surroundings blurred around Erwin as he rushed to Levi. How bad was it? Was he in pain? Would he be able to walk? How did anyone let this happen? He trusted those squad leaders. They’d given him their word. Why couldn’t he trust Levi to just do as he was told? How hard was that? Erwin’s heart raced as fast as his legs, threatening to burst out of his chest. That stupid idiot. What a dumb, fucking idiot Levi was. 

Nanaba met him outside the infirmary. “I swear I only took my eyes off him for a moment, Sir!”

“What happened?” Erwin asked, pushing past her and entering the building. 

“We were running training exercises as usual and then someone got caught in a tree. Before I could do anything, Levi was in the air and going to help.”

“He was geared up?”

“Yeah, we all were.”

“That was your first mistake. He can’t be trusted with gear he shouldn't be using!” Erwin grumbled as he made his way to Levi’s room. 

“I’m sorry, Sir! It won’t happen again!”

“It’s alright, Nanaba. He’s an idiot. I should have known better than to let him anywhere near the action.” Erwin shook his head. “How bad is it?”

“He cracked one of his ribs that was healing but that’s it.”

Erwin let out a relieved sigh. “Thank the Walls for that, then.”

He paused outside of Levi’s room, trying to steady himself. Just the rib. Levi was fine. But something welled up. Like a wave of everything he’d been holding back since the accident. Fuck holding it in. Fuck being kind and understanding of Levi’s situation. Erwin clenched his fists, squared his shoulders, and threw the door open. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Erwin shouted.

“I felt fine,” Levi replied.

“But you’re not fine. And now look at what you’ve done!”   

“I know,” Levi turned his face away from Erwin. 

“If you know, then why did you do it?”  

“Because someone needed to do it. The kid was stuck in his gear.”

“And no one else could have helped?” Erwin ran his hands through his hair. 

“I didn’t think I’d injure myself, ok?” Levi spat, his eyes blazing. “You thinkI wanted to hurt myself? I’m not that stupid.”

“You could have fooled me.” 

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me? Is that really all you have to say? I saved your fucking life! I nursed you back to health! And then you go and reinjure yourself and all you can say is ‘fuck you’?”

“What do you want me to say? I know I fucked up. Can we move on?”

“Maybe you could start with ‘I’m sorry’. That would be wonderful.” Erwin crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I’m the one in pain. Why are you getting so worked up?”

“Serves you right. I hope you remember this pain so you don’t do this again.”

“Whatever.” Levi turned his face towards the wall, a scowl settling on his features. 

Erwin stared at Levi, his eyes wide. “Don’t you even care that you almost died?”

Levi fiddled with his fingers, his eyes fixed on his hands. “Of course I care.”

“Really? Because it doesn’t feel like it.” Erwin shot back, his body shaking. 

“It’s not like you almost died, jackass. It’s my life. Can’t I throw it away if I want to?”

Ice washed over Erwin at Levi’s words. Didn’t he care how Erwin felt? Didn’t he understand how scared he’d been? No, of course he didn’t. Levi didn’t know the meaning of fear. He was always too busy throwing himself in the line of fire for everyone else to think about his own mortality. Or maybe he did but he didn’t care that any moment out there could be his last. 

Erwin eyed Levi, fighting back the tears that brimmed up in his eyes. How he wanted to hold him and punch him at the same time! But Levi didn’t move or even show any sign of understanding for Erwin’s feelings. He just sat there like a petulant teenager, waiting for the scolding to be over. 

Well, if he wanted out of this conversation so badly, he could have his way. Erwin wasn’t going to waste his breath. 

“You’re right. It’s your life.” 

Levi’s eyes widened. 

“You said it yourself, you can throw it away if you wish. What should I care if you want to waste your life on pointless heroics? Just do as the doctors and nurses tell you and don’t leave your bed until they tell you, ok?”

Levi nodded. “Erwin-”

“I have to get back to work,” Erwin said, turning towards the door. “I’ll see you when you get out of here.”

Erwin didn’t wait for Levi to respond. He didn’t look back as he left. He clenched his jaw and kept walking. Levi could rot there for all he cared. Why did he have to be so damned stubborn all the time? Why couldn’t he just listen to Erwin for once in his life? Erwin nodded a greeting to some passing scouts. Erwin had his hands full enough with running the entire damned scouts. He didn’t have time to hold Levi’s hand and coddle him into compliance. After all this time, Levi still couldn’t trust Erwin’s judgement? That was unacceptable. 

Erwin slammed the door to his office shut and slumped into his desk chair. The mountain of paperwork needed doing but Erwin couldn’t face it. He rested his face in his hands and let out a long, shaky sigh. And then another and another until his sighs turned into sobs. How many comrades had he lost without flinching at this point? But seeing Levi nearly crushed by that Titan had been worse than any death he’d seen so far. That gut-wrenching jolt-the knowledge that he could have lost the one person he loved the most almost killed Erwin every time the image crossed his mind. His heart had stopped dead in its tracks that day. Tears had streamed down his face as he cut that Titan down. Big, angry tears that stung his face as they flowed down his cheeks. 

No, he could lose all of the scouts-hell, all of humanity- but he couldn’t lose Levi. And that was the problem. One day, he might lose him. Every expedition brought that danger. But he’d give up his own life if it meant that Levi could live even a second longer. He’d sacrifice the entire military just to save that one man. And there was nothing he could do to change that fact. He might even give up his dreams just to keep Levi alive. 

Chapter Text

The rest of the day passed like a kidney stone. Erwin found himself glancing at the clock every few minutes. The deafening silence of his office did nothing for his concentration. As he flipped through the expedition reports of the squad leaders, his mind fell back to that moment. All he could think about was that moment. That moment when the Titan grabbed Levi. Erwin eyed the clock again. Still too early to leave. He let out a long groan. 

 Once the day was over, Erwin couldn’t get out of his office fast enough. He rushed back to his quarters and collapsed on his bed. He’d get a grip later. Right now, all he wanted to do was pretend none of this ever happened. The shadows lengthened and the light in his room dimmed. Erwin rose from his bed to light the lamps. It would be Mess soon. He’d go down for that for a change. 

A knock came on his door. Before he could answer, Hange burst through, brandishing a bottle of wine. 

“I just visited Levi,” Hange said, taking a seat at the table. “Grab some glasses, will you?”

“Oh?” Erwin replied, pulling out the stash of teacups Levi kept. 

“I can’t say I blame you for storming off like that.”

“He told you?” Erwin winced. Of course Levi would complain to Hange. 

“He did. Though you came off like an asshole to hear him tell it.”

“I’m sure I did,” Erwin shook his head as he sat down. “Well, I wasn’t kind to him.”

“I can’t say I would have reacted any differently in your shoes,” Hange replied, pouring the wine and leaning back in their seat. 

Erwin chuckled, “No, I doubt you would have.”

The two clicked cups and drank their wine in silence. The soft light of the kerosine lamps flickered and the chatter of passing scouts wafted up from below.

“So, now what?” Hange asked, refilling their cups. 

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to try to make up?”

“And say what? If he is so damned determined to be so stubborn, then that’s his business.”

“And you don't feel anything at all?”

“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t?”

“Erwin, I know how deeply you feel everything. Of course I wouldn’t believe you,” Hange leaned in, resting their elbows on the table. “You should tell him how scared you were. Maybe that will set his mind straight.”

“I doubt it.” Erwin sipped his wine. “He knows how I feel about him. I tell him every day that I love him. But even then, he still insists on running head-first into danger.”

“Because he cares about others.”

“He should care about himself.”

“I’m not denying that. Even I felt a little sick when I saw what happened to him. I’ll admit, I would be heart-broken to lose him. But he does it because he can. Because he has the best chance of survival in those situations. He’s been saving everyone weaker than him his whole life. Of course he’s going to rush off into danger if it means saving someone else.”

“But what he did today? No one was in mortal danger. He didn’t have to do anything.” Erwin slumped back in his seat. “Why did he do that?”

“Because he saw someone in need, and he helped them. That’s what he does. He doesn’t think about his safety because nine times out of ten, he doesn’t have to. It’s like an instinct for him.”

Erwin sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right!” Hange refilled their cups and corked the wine. “Aren’t you lucky to have such a good friend?”

“Indeed I am,” Erwin smiled and raised his cup to Hange. “I am the luckiest commander in the history of the scouts to have a friend like you and a captain like Levi.”

“Still can't say boyfriend?”

“It feels too insignificant a word.”

Hange giggle. “You are an idiot.”

“Unfortunately, I am.”

Hange took a drink. “For what it’s worth, I think Levi is willing to listen to you. He might even be a bit sorry for pissing you off by now.”

“I’ll let him sweat it out for another night before making it up to him,” Erwin replied. “I’m still a little too shaken from today.”

“I don’t blame you. I’m sure it brought up some rather unpleasant memories. You almost fainted after you saved his sorry ass.” 

“It’s been a while since I’ve been that fearful for a comrade’s life.”

“I wonder why that is,” Hange smiled over at him. “You’re so in love it’s not even funny.”

“I am. And it’s not funny because I would let the rest of you die if it saved him. I realized that today,” Erwin stared into his teacup of wine. 

“Somehow I’m not surprised,” Hange replied. “We all have our special people-the ones we’d save before anyone else. I would be more hurt if it was for someone less deserving. He has changed you for the better, Erwin. I can’t fault you for wanting to go to extremes to save him.”

“He has indeed. My life was so boring before I met him.”

“You certainly were stuck in your ways, that’s for sure,” Hange replied. 

“Still am.”

“True,” Hange said into their cup. “But at least you have Levi to unstick you sometimes. I’ll never forget when you saw him for the first time. You were giddy with excitement!”

“Giddy is a bit of an overstatement,” Erwin smiled. “But I was fascinated with him. God, the way he man-”

“I know, I know, ‘the way he maneuvered in the ODM gear was breath-taking’,” Hange imitated Erwin. “You told me back then too.”

“I suppose I was rather awe-struck with him,” Erwin acknowledged. “How couldn’t I be?”

“Love-struck, more like.” 

“Eventually, yes,” Erwin replied. 

“You two are hopeless. Both of you idiots act like you weren’t head over heels for each other from the moment you met,” Hange shook their head. “But you were. The pair of you.”

“I believe you might be right.”

Hange stood up. “And on that note, I’m going to head back to Mess.” 

“Thank you for keeping me company,” Erwin said, standing as well. “You really are the best friend I could have ever asked for.”

Hange wrapped their arms around Erwin. “And don’t you forget it!”

Levi couldn’t sleep and his side hurt like a son of a bitch. After Erwin left, he’d refused any further pain medication. Even Hange seemed a bit concerned although they’d sided with Erwin. Some friend they were. Of course Hange would side with Erwin. They’d been friends longer. 

But they were right. And that was the worst part. Levi had been an asshole. He knew better than to rescue the kid. He was lucky only one of his ribs had gotten reinjured. It could have been so much worse. The doctor told him as much when they brought him in. 

So why had he treated Erwin like that? He should have said sorry and let Erwin be concerned. But something in him loathed how Erwin looked at him. Or more accurately, he loathed that he had made Erwin that concerned. He loathed how he’d rushed into action yet again and Erwin had shown up to be there for him regardless. He’d seen the tears staining Erwin’s cheeks when he rescued him. He’d seen the terror on his face before the Titan scooped Levi up. It was that terror that kept him frozen in place. 

He’d done that. He’d made Erwin terrified. Erwin had never acted terrified of anything before. Not even when Levi had his blade to his throat. The man had always been so calm in the face of danger. That’s why Levi had been so drawn to him. The mortal terror Levi felt up until then melted away in Erwin’s presence. That cool, calm reassurance that everything would work out. 

Levi let out a groan, wincing as he did so. Even making noise hurt. But it was nothing compared to the pain he’d put Erwin through. He deserved this pain after what he’d done. And the worst part was that Erwin wasn’t here. Levi pushed down the lump that crawled up his throat. His only consolation in the last few weeks had been Erwin’s constant presence. His soft voice and gentle care made everything bearable. But now his seat sat empty. He needed Erwin. His entire being ached for him to be there. 

Alone in the darkness, Levi could only hate himself. This gut-wrenching loneliness was his doing. He wouldn’t even blame Erwin if he wanted nothing to do with Levi after this. It served him right. When would he ever learn? His recklessness always hurt others. Furlan and Isabel died because of his headlessness. Kenny probably left him for the same reason. Who could care about a head-strong asshole like him? 

A far-off clock tower chimed midnight. Time moved like slow torture. It sucked the air out of him by the tiniest measure with every second that passed. Every minute was a small cut that struck again and again. The full moon flooded his room with old light, casting long shadows from the window. 

Just like that night when Erwin approached him on the rooftop. Levi let out a sigh. Cute wasn’t a word Levi liked to use often or seriously. But looking back on it, Erwin had been cute and nervous that night. He’d been so concerned about what Levi thought of him. Levi bit back a grin. If only Erwin knew how far under Levi’s skin he was then. 

Levi cursed. Damn this broken rib and stupid hospital. All Levi wanted right now was to escape this damn bed and fall into Erwin’s arms. He’d get up and go now if he thought he could get away with it. He’d do anything just to make sure that Erwin wasn’t angry at him anymore. He’d raze this town if it meant he could be with Erwin. But if he left his bed in this condition, Erwin would be even angrier than he already was. 

Levi let his eyes fluttered closed. It’s not like he could sleep with all this pain. But sleep sounded nice right about now. He’d just rest his eyes for a moment-let the world fall away for a second. Weariness dulled his pain as he sank into his bed. 

Familiar lips pressed against his, Erwin’s hot breath fanning over Levi’s face. His large hands cupped Levi’s face as he pulled away. Levi opened his eyes, expecting it to be a dream, but Erwin’s weary face met his gaze. 

“Erwin?” 

“I’m sorry, I know you were sleeping, sweetheart, but I couldn’t wait.” Erwin rested his forehead against Levi’s. “I couldn’t sleep. I needed to see you.”

Levi reached for Erwin, wrapping his arms around his neck and giving him a long, languid kiss. His body vibrated and relaxed at the solid warmth of Erwin. He sucked Ewin’s lower lip in, hungry and wanting. 

“I’m glad you came,” Levi whispered as he pulled away. 

Erwin placed a soft peck on Levi’s nose. “I’m sorry I lost my temper with you, Levi.”

“Don’t apologize for that, dumbass,” Levi replied. “I’m sorry I scared you like that. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you on the expedition and almost got killed.”

“You did good work that day. I’m so proud of you for that,” Erwin said, running his fingers through Levi’s hair. “I’m just thankful I got there when I did.”

“You saved my life then,” Levi said. “Thank you.”

A smile broke over Erwin’s face. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“Still, thank you.”

“I will always save you, Levi. I can’t live in a world without you,” Erwin said, sitting on the bed beside Levi and taking his hand. “For a moment, I almost saw it-a life without you-and I knew I couldn't do it. I could lose anyone else, but not you.”

Levi squeezed Erwin’s hand. “I would do the same for you. That’s why I charged ahead that day. I wanted to make sure that abnormal didn’t get anywhere near you.”

“I’m the commander of the Scouts, and you were worried about me?” Erwin chuckled. 

“Yeah, well, can’t have that big, beautiful brain of yours rotting in a Titan’s belly, now can we?” Levi replied, his eyes falling to their joined hands. “And I can’t stand the thought of you not being here.”

Erwin raised Levi’s hand to his lips. “I have your back, and you have mine, deal?”

“Deal.”

Erwin leaned down again, nudging his nose against Levi’s a few times before finding Levi’s lips. Levi let out a long sigh and melted even further into the bed as their lips pulled and pushed against each other. His fingers tingled where they touched Erwin’s body. He ran them through Erwin’s soft hair. Their tongues found each other, dancing together in a glorious waltz. Levi tangled his fingers in Erwin’s hair, pulling him even closer. 

The bed creaked as Erwin shifted his weight and planted both arms on either side of Levi. Suddenly, their clothes were too heavy. Levi needed Erwin’s skin against his now. Not enough, never enough. His body ached for more. More Erwin. A whimper escaped him. More. More kisses. More skin. More. More-

“Fuck!” Levi hiss. Sharp, molten pain pierced through the pleasure as he pulled Erwin closer. 

Erwin leapt back. “Shit! Are you ok sweetheart? Should I get a nurse? What happened?”

“It’s fine. Don’t go anywhere,” Levi placed a hand on Erwin’s arm. “But we should probably stop there if you want me to heal up fast.”

Erwin placed a gentle hand on Levi’s rib. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“Don’t be,” Levi replied. “I wanted it as much as you did.”

Erwin smiled, his thumb rubbing the injured rib. “Hurry up and heal, then. I want you so bad I can hardly stand it.”

“I’m doing my best,” Levi replied. “Now.”

“Good.” Erwin leaned in and kissed Levi’s forehead. “I need to get back to bed now, but I will be here in the morning as soon as I can.”

“You better. You need to nurse me back to health.”

“Someone has to.” Erwin stood up. “Get some rest, ok?”

“If you pass a nurse, tell them I want those pain meds now.”

Erwin gaped at him. “You haven’t been taking them?”

“No.”

“Oh for-fine! I’ll make sure someone brings you some medication.” Erwin walked to the door. “Take you damn medication, ok? Do I have to do everything around here?”