Chapter Text
Charlotte huffed, blinking into the golden light already spreading over the girls dormitory. Typically, Lily insisted on leaving the curtains open at night to help keep them all on a steady sleep schedule. To wake with the sun. That had worked great all year, though now that exams were over, Charlotte wouldn't have minded an extra hour in bed.
Her mind wandered to the boys dorm, some hundred feet to their left, always plunged in a heavy darkness at all hours of the day. How James managed to be up before dawn for Quidditch most mornings was beyond her.
Still, she was awake now, and had a whole day with no lessons, no studying, and she quickly snuck towards her dresser, letting her roommates sleep a bit longer as she tucked the door shut behind her silently.
She had barely reached the final stairs when she spotted James and Peter, the familiar hazel eyes latching to hers at once and though she hadn't thought it possible, she watched his face fall even farther. Peter too looked distressed, curled into a tight ball in the oversized armchair Remus usually planted himself in at the end of each day, though Remus and Sirius for that matter were no where to be found.
"You guys alright?" Charlotte asked and watched as Peter's head spun to James, as if he wasn't sure of the answer on his own.
"Char..." James trailed off, letting his face fall into his hands propped up on his knees.
"What's happening? Where's Sirius? And Remus?"
"He won't come down..." James grumbled out beneath his breath. "Sirius."
Charlotte paused, glancing over to Peter, though he had dropped his eyes to the floor to avoid meeting hers.
"Sirius? What's wrong with him?"
"I- I can't..." James shook his head, looking thoroughly frustrated with himself. "I can't say. I don't really... You gotta go check on him, Charlotte, please? He won't listen to us, he won't talk to us."
"Alright... Okay, I'll go figure it out-" She trailed off as James jumped to his feet, the worn springs in the couch creaking with the movement.
"Charlotte... just..." He paused and then took a few steps towards the blonde, pulling her into his grip tightly, his arms surrounding her with ease, as if he might have needed the hug. "Whatever he says... Please, don't leave him, alright? He needs you..."
"James..." She was already shaking her head, "You're scaring me."
"Don't be scared." James forced out, dropping his grip from her and nodding towards the stairs.
Charlotte didn't waste another second, hurrying towards the staircase and starting up the familiar path at record speed, anxious to be away from James and Peter and their cryptic glances. All she wanted to see was Sirius. To make sure he was alright, whatever was happening.
She knocked twice on the door, paused for a second, remembering the time of morning before knocking again louder. There was no answer and she had no desire to wait any longer, pushing through the doorway and scanning over the dark, empty dorm.
"Sirius?" She called, pausing to listen in the silence. "Siri?" She mumbled, softer now, glancing towards the bathroom door and stepping closer. She hesitated, knocking against the hard wood and twisting the doorknob after another moment of silence.
It took a moment to find him, crumpled up against the wall beside the sink, his gaze locked on his wand which had rolled out in front of him.
"Hey..." Charlotte whispered now, dropping to the floor beside him and resting her hand on his arm. Sirius flinched at her touch, yanking his hand from her and ducking his head lower, though not before she had noticed his eyes - red rimmed and flushed. "Sirius, what's wrong?"
She watched as his mouth opened and shut, his lips wobbling slightly.
"I can't..." He muttered, so softly Charlotte wasn't sure she'd been meant to hear it.
"Hey, whatever's wrong, it's going to be alright. I'm right here, everything's-" She trailed off as he finally looked to her, taking in a shuddery breath and pulling her closer, his hands clasping behind her back as he squeezed her impossibly tight.
"Siri-"
"Please don't leave me." He sobbed, his head falling against her shoulder.
"I'm not going anywhere." She replied, nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder, engulfed in his scent. At least one thing was the same, was familiar. They fell into silence for a few minutes, and Charlotte didn't push, letting Sirius hug her tighter and tighter until she was sure her lungs would give out. "Can I help you?" She asked, finally, feeling him shake his head at once.
"I fucked up." He answered into her hair. "I fucked up. I fucked everything up."
"You couldn't have." She assured him, though her confusion was growing by the minute. "It'll work out. We can fix it."
"I can't. Fix it. No one can fix it, everything is..." He trailed off, pulling away from her at last and dropping his head into his hands. "I'm no good."
"Sirius..." She breathed, tracing her hand over the messy hair lining his face. "There's nothing wrong with-"
"I'm no good." He repeated, "I'm no good for you."
She paused, her blood running cold through her veins. "What?"
"I'm not a good person, Charlotte. You deserve... Everyone deserves better. James, and Peter and Rem..." His voice broke and Charlotte realized her head was already moving, shaking back and forth.
"Is that it?" She mumbled, though he still wouldn't face her. "You and Remus had a fight?"
"Not a fight." He shook his head violently, finally raising it to the doorway, the hint of sunlight peeking around the curtains in their dorm. "I can't be here... when he gets back... I can't-" He grabbed for the edge of the sink above them, forcing himself to his feet and hurling himself through the doorway.
"Sirius! Wait!" Charlotte called a second too late, lunging after him into the dark room only to find the open doorway, Sirius already out of sight.
She scanned the now empty dormitory one final time, as if it might give even the start of a clue, anything she could use to piece together what had happened, before pulling the door shut and racing down the steps after Sirius. She had stepped into the common room now, glancing around pointlessly, already knowing the dark haired boy she was looking for was long gone.
The ancient grandfather clock resting against the wall near the windows ticked away in the silence as she glanced towards the girls staircase, contemplating heading back up to find her roommates, to ask their opinions of her whirlwind of a morning so far, before deciding against it. She didn't know what was going on, but judging from the boys reactions, she knew better than to bring anyone else into it.
Thankfully, before she had to decide what else to do, Lily emerged, fully dressed and hair pulled back neatly as if they had anything to do today... Exams were over, and they were unlikely to be assigned another homework assignment over the final week of lessons.
"You're up early." Lily said, "Marlene and Mary are still sleeping like the dead. Figured I wouldn't wake them, though. They've got to be tired after exams - are you alright?" She asked, her eyes scanning over Charlotte's face.
"Fine." She answered, quickly, forcing her mouth into her best attempt at a smile. "Ready for breakfast?"
"Starving." Lily nodded, the two girls pushing through the portrait hole and into the airy landing of the corridor where Charlotte's steps slowed, the two familiar voices carrying through the empty hallway.
"-wouldn't even talk to me... I barely had to explain, it was like he already knew what happened."
"Sometimes he can remember what happens-"
"I was hoping he wouldn't... This time."
"Well, we can go visit after breakfast-"
"Madam Pomfrey wouldn't even let me in. Had to sneak with the cloak-"
"We can sneak again, just the two of us. We'd fit-"
"He doesn't want to see us, Pete..." James was doing his best to keep his ordinarily loud voice soft, though Charlotte hung onto every word. "Kicked me out."
Peter had opened his mouth to respond, though his eyes linked with Charlotte's and went wide, James whirling to face the girls and shoving his hands behind his back.
"Evans!" He plastered on his best attempt at his usual charming smile.
"What's got you two all worked up?" Lily asked, nervously.
"Oh... Typical... Marauder's things, Lily. You two headed for breakfast?" He met Charlotte's eyes now, and she could practically see the question, the request, the need to know what she had told Lily.
Charlotte shook her head only slightly, watching James let out a large sigh before Lily answered his question.
"Yes, we're starving. Have you two already been?"
"Nope! Headed down now!"
"Where is Sirius?"
"Probably sleeping!" Peter squeaked out and Lily shrugged, following their lead down the first staircase of many as Charlotte's mind continued to race. Where had Sirius run off to? What was wrong? Remus and Sirius fought all of the time... It was hard for her to imagine something Sirius could have done to the tall boy to cause the type of reaction she had seen upstairs.
☾
Remus did not join them for breakfast, or lunch, though that was not unusual these days. What was unusual was the absence of Sirius as well, and with every passing hour that he did not turn up, Charlotte's stomach churned more.
The girls had mentioned it, of course, once they had finally dragged themselves out of bed, though James had simply shrugged it off, as if he and Sirius were not permanently joined at the hip any other day.
Finally, after the girls had decided to head outside and enjoy the beautiful summer weather, Charlotte cornered James on his way back to Gryffindor tower.
"Char, please-"
"What is going on?"
"I can't tell you-"
"That was this morning." She shook her head, "He didn't tell me anything, James. He was a mess. And now he's missing-"
"He's not... missing... Give him some space, he needs to cool off-"
"What? They had a fight?" Charlotte waited as James blinked, twice, "Sirius and Remus?"
"I don't... I don't know."
"You're a terrible liar."
"Thank you, I rather pride myself in that-"
"Potter!" Charlotte hissed, "I'm worried about him!"
"Charlotte, I'm worried about him too, but I don't know what to do." James admitted. "I don't know what to do. I have no plan, and I don't know what to tell you-"
"Tell me where he is."
"How am I supposed to know-"
"Because you know him." She answered, "And because I know you four have some system. Some... map...?" She said, uncertainly, thinking back to Remus's words so many months ago now.
"You don't know-"
"Can you please help me?" She pleaded, watching James' eyes soften. "I just want to make sure he's okay."
James considered her words, glancing between her face and the floor a few times before nodding.
"Fine... you... wait here." He ordered, zipping towards the bathroom at the end of the hallway as Charlotte watched on, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She leaned against the stone wall behind her as she waited, praying he hadn't in fact just ditched her, sneaking through some hidden bathroom passageway that only he would have known about.
At last, James returned, a slightly brighter look in his eyes as he hurried back to her side.
"He's in the stairwell on the 4th floor, end of the wing by Flitwick's classroom." He told her, hardly noticing the nod she offered him before she was off, starting up the staircase without another word.
Three flights of stairs was nothing, especially not at her current pace, and she reached the familiar wing at once, her footsteps echoing through the silence of the castle. She slowed down at last, nearing the staircase, knowing Sirius might run off again if he heard her.
She passed Flitwick's office, a few more empty classrooms and turned at the end of the corridor, lined with windows, spotting Sirius at last, on the second step down, his back pressed against stone, head in his hands.
She stepped forward quietly, sinking down to the stairs beside him and setting her hand on his arm gently.
"Hi Siri." She whispered, waiting a few seconds before accepting that he wasn't going to look to her. "Have you eaten?"
"Not hungry." He answered, too quickly, his voice barely audible, even in the silence of the stairwell surrounding them.
"Okay..." She nodded, mostly to herself, as he still had not raised his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I can't talk about it." He hissed, finally looking up to her, "It's not my place to talk about it, but I should Charlotte. If I could, I would tell you what I did, because then you would leave. You would leave me be, because you would know like everyone else knows, that you're too good for me. I don't deserve you."
"Sirius,"
"I'm being honest. You don't understand-"
"I'm not going anywhere!" She answered, cutting off his ranting, "Everyone makes mistakes. You and Remus-" She trailed off as his face fell once again, a pained expression overtaking his eyes. "People fight Sirius. You guys always fight-"
"We're not fighting." He said, "Not this time. He did nothing wrong, it was me. It was all me, and he will never forgive me, and I'm glad. I deserve it. I don't deserve to have him as my friend-"
"Sirius, stop it." Charlotte whispered, leaning closer to him, her heart settlings lightly as he let his head fall to her shoulder now.
"I've got detention the rest of term, and I've been banned from any clubs or quidditch-"
"That's not that bad..." She whispered.
"No, it's not that bad." He answered, "Not nearly as bad as what I should have gotten..." He trailed off, his gaze still stuck to the floor, the worn steps beneath their feet. "Dumbledore had to talk to me... He had to ask... He had to make sure that what I did... wasn't some part of a... death eater initiation."
Charlotte's heart had sped up now at his words.
"What?"
"That's what I did, Charlotte. Something so horrible, our headmaster thought I was proving something to Voldemort."
"Sirius, don't-"
"Charlotte, I'm..." He muttered, "I'm sorry. I just want to be alone."
She blinked, her mind still racing as she nodded slowly.
"Alright, Sirius..." She stood from their shared step, "I'm going to head upstairs... You can come get me, if you need anything okay?" She paused, waiting for his answer before leaning back down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I love you. I'm here for you."
He nodded, silently and Charlotte finally started back down the corridor, her heart heavy and her mind racing in circles.
☾
Remus shifted uncomfortably on the stone floor, the new scars lining his chest beneath his shirt still burned off and on, and with each new wave of pain, his stomach churned uncomfortably at the reminder of the last full moon. Of what had happened, and what had nearly happened.
He kicked his legs out in front of him, his boots pressing against the other end of the alcove as the sky outside began to dim, casting the corridor in an orange glow. The book he had brought up under pretense of reading. He had spent the last three days holed up in the infirmary before Madam Pomfrey had finally and unceremoniously kicked him out, declaring that he was "over-rested."
He did not feel over-rested.
Everything hurt. The scars, his head, his eyes, his hip, and possibly worst of all, his chest. The memories, the thought of what had happened floated back through his mind nearly every sixty seconds, no matter how he tried to distract himself.
He missed his friends. James, and Peter and... even Sirius. But he wouldn't go see them. He couldn't. Couldn't look at them, not after what had happened. Not after what Sirius had done.
A shadow fell over the alcove and Remus's eyes flashed upwards, his heart settling at once when he locked eyes with the dark blue ones standing before him.
"Sorry, I was just-" She muttered, looking nervously back down the hallway where she'd been headed.
"Hi Charlotte." Remus spoke, possibly for the first time that day, his throat slightly scratchy from lack of use.
"Hi." Her smile was forced, and Remus's stomach sank once again.
"Did he tell you?" He grumbled, his chest already tightening at the thought. Of course. Of course Sirius wouldn't be able to keep his secret. He'd already proved that, hadn't he? Remus had been stupid to think it wouldn't have spread. No, Sirius would not be able to wallow in his self pity without Charlotte's help-
"Not really..." She answered, Remus's brows cinching together. "He hasn't said much at all. I just know you two are fighting."
Remus didn't answer, though the relief that had sank into his stomach was short lived.
"And that's fine." She continued. "I don't need to know. You don't have to tell me either. And I can go, if you-"
"No." He answered, his eyes flickering back to his boots. "You can stay."
Charlotte nodded, taking a small step into the alcove and sinking down across from the brunette, her eyes trailing over the un-cracked book at his side.
"I just don't really feel like talking." He said, softly, and Charlotte hummed in agreement, her gaze falling to the windows across from their spot. The sun was nearly behind the forest in the distance, and she let her eyes shut, the orange and pink glow painting her skin like summer had seeped through the glass with her arrival.
Remus looked back to his hands in his lap. His senses were always heightened after the moon, and now it was as if all he could smell was floral... Like orange blossom and lavender...
Every few minutes his eyes would flick back to her face, only for a second, knowing better than to let her catch him watching. It was nice... Having her there. Even in silence. Even if she'd probably spent months of the past year hating his guts. Even having her now, in the silence, Remus felt the ache in his chest lessen slightly as the orange sank out of the alcove, leaving the two of them in shadows.