Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“...Make sure you make one you won’t regret”

Silk’s voice is hazy and so, so far away but it threads a line of vision in their clouded mind. It distracts from that heavy light coming from within, utterly distracting and harsh- so their eyes flutter and their fingers twitch, trying to grasp that slippery, slippery fabric but it - she -glides away silently and without her guidance- 

The thread snaps. 

-

The first day was… so much . Too much. Impressions, Information, Fights - Astral Express and Herta’s Space Station and a hurricane of names and people and monsters and their body - his body as he had figured out after he had woken up was barely keeping up with all of it. 

His mind takes a backseat for the most part, mindlessly walking after people who seem… like they’re on his side? Or at least don’t attack him on sight like the monsters - Anti-Matter Legion, as they refer to them. It seems to be a big deal that they’re there and invading the station, but frankly, he can’t really comprehend the severity of it all. He just knows that if he doesn’t hit them first, they will and so he grabs the conveniently-placed bat - no security, broken out of its protective glass case - and -

-and his body does the rest. Literally. 

He’s pretty sure that a bat of all things wouldn’t have been his first weapon of choice but the knowledge on how to use it to its most destructive effects comes naturally and instinctively. The swings flow and they hit hard and it earns a few concerned glances from the people he’s running around with and he’s questioning if he should trust them if they don’t trust him. 

But he does have nowhere to go, it seems. He’s not part of the station - he’s not wearing the researcher’s uniform and frankly, his utter incapability of knowing how anything works except fighting and smashing things is a dead giveaway that he’s closer to an object of research than a scientist himself. 

Time passes, and quickly, and he’s forced to talk and ask around and there’s a dull ache in his head from all of it just being too much.

He barely can memorize their faces, less their names before the next person shows up and hands them some task with the same intonation of urgency in their voice and maybe his body’s too honest in showing frustration when he just slams the bat into some random storage boxes lying in the hallways of the space station. 

His momentary companions, a girl with pink hair and the aura of an old snowflake and boy with dark hair and a lock for a heart, halt abruptly in their tracks to turn around and look at him with concerned astonishment. 

He’s pretty sure, they’re the ones who found him when he woke up after he dreamt of endless waves of tender red silk, but he could be wrong. Not like he cares, because honestly? He wants to sleep or at least get to somewhere more quiet where he can sort that mess of sounds and colors in his head before it spreads to his chest - speaking of which, he doesn’t really know how humans are supposed to feel but his chest feels wrong , like heavy and bright from the inside and- 

“What- what the hell was that for?” Snowflake chides, incomprehension in her voice. Lock just frowns - which is something he does a lot, even during the short period he’s seen him. 

“Dunno.” he says, honest. “It looked unimportant and breakable.”

“It’s not yours.”, she says, disapproving. 

“I know.”

“Then don’t break it! It’s rude! It could belong to someone, and it could even be important to them!”

He doubts that a bunch of empty containers were important to someone, but he’s been wrong so many times today, he decides to shut up and shrug in acceptance. 

Snowflake frowns and her companion frowns deeper before they turn around and move forward again, but not without giving him careful glances whenever they turn a corner.

Oh well. He’s been stepping on a lot of shoes today and it’s not like he willingly chose all of this. If he has to deal with existing, they surely can too. 

He can still take out his frustration. There’s plenty of Anti-Matter-Legion left and no one’s complaining vocally when he one-ups his hits with strength and aggression. 

-

The Doomsday beast certainly was a nice cherry on top for an already stressful day- is what he would have said, but unfortunately-

- his chest decides to explode. 

-

When he wakes up, his chest feels decidedly lighter and not like a burning piece of coal any longer. Only his head aches, but it’s infinitely more bearable than before. 

He does feel a bump close to his temple though. Someone must have knocked him out of his misery- which was probably the nicest thing anyone has done for him today. 

He wobbles to his feet, trying to recall what happened when he decided to spontaneously just … combust. He remembers - jumping in front of Snowflake, not because he could smell her fear, no, but because the icy smell of immense sadness had flooded his senses -

She would’ve been devastated to leave this world behind.

Now, he doesn’t know Snowflake at all but he knows she wants to live. What he wants, however, he’s not sure. So the choice was an easy one. 

He remembers the endless, his mind floating to a strange and familiar place. It’s bright and harsh and golden, though it should be quiet and dark and shimmering. He remembers a presence, old and young depending on perspective.  He remembers a burning gaze hostile with hatred yet gleeful. Mocking. 

He remembers the sheer disdain at his existence.

See,

They have already noticed you. 

He remembers flashes of places and more faces of people he’s sure he’s never seen on the space station. Is this his past? His previous life? 

But it’s too short and the images slip through his fingers like fine silk. 

And then he remembers an absurd amount of horrible, horrible pain and the gentle caress of unconsciousness. 

-

“Careful, sleepyhead.” 

He turns his head around quickly- a mistake, as he stumbles some more before Snowflake's hand reaches out to stabilize him. 

“Ah, thanks.” he says. It sounds awkward.  

“No worries! It’s good that you’re awake and well! You’ve pulled quite the stunt back there, so we weren’t sure how long it would take ‘til you wake up. Thank you, by the way. I’m pretty sure that saved my life. ” Her tone never loses cheerfulness although there’s a tremble of something in there he can’t quite place.

“Uhm.” He says. “What… exactly happened?”

“You don’t remember?” 

“I do, but not much. I … I remember…exploding?”

She snorts. “That’s one way to put it, but not too far off actually. I’m just glad we are experts in handling Stellarons, particularly Mr. Yang and Miss Himeko!”

He blinks. That is a bunch of words and a bunch of names he has never heard before or can’t remember and it doesn’t help at all. 

Snowflake seems to sense his confusion. She gently smiles. It’s sincere, he thinks. Most people have only ever smiled apprehensively at him so her smile catches him off guard.

“You know, I’m not the best at explaining complicated things like that. Why don’t you go and find Miss Himeko and ask her about yourself? She actually told me to inform her, whenever you wake up, so I think she wanted to talk to you anyway!”

That sounds… good, actually. If only-

“-who’s Miss Himeko?”

Snowflake’s eyes widen. “Wait, did you forget everything again? Do you know me? What’s my name?”

Embarrassingly, he blanks. “Uh.”

“Oh no, I have to tell-”

“No, no, I know who you are”, he interrupts quickly. “You’re the ones who found me at the station, unconscious, right?” Please be right, please be right, please be right. 

Snowflake’s shoulders relax. “Oh, good. I’m not sure I can handle any more amnesia today.”

He sheepishly looks back at her. “- but I still forgot your name. Sorry.”

She opens her mouth in protest but then furrows her brow. Then she sighs. “You know, if everythings true of what you told us, and you’ve woken up here with no memory and no recollection of this place at all, then I don’t blame you for it. If this had been my first day of basically ‘being alive’ I would have been so stressed I would have probably cried as soon as I got the chance to. And you did save my life, so we’re all good.” 

She turns towards him, inviting and open smile back on her face as she stretches her hand out. “I’m March 7th, member of the Astral Express!I t’s nice to meet you, properly this time. What’s your name?”

The cold she radiates is like an embrace, not of comfort but of acceptance. The endless snow is deep and catches many a fall.

His eyes widen and then and there he makes a decision. He will trust March 7th. 

That’s his first conscious choice.

He’s sure, it will be one he won’t regret.

He takes her outstretched hand and hopes he feels human enough to fit into her broad range of acceptance. 

“It’s nice to meet you, March 7th. I’m..”, he stops for a moment. What was his name again? It’s still so hard to realize he’s a person. It’s on his tongue, though. He’s already told them before. Come on, come on…!

 “- Caelus.”, he says with definitely too much delay. 

March 7th narrows her eyes at him. “Sorry”, he says hastily, “I actually have a hard time remembering… anything.”

She sighs again, sympathetically. Understanding.  “It’s okay, take your time.” She smiles at him yet again and he wonders how someone's aura can be so cold and yet so kind at the same time. 

“And if you forget”, she adds cheerfully, “I - no, we will remember your name for you, Caelus.”

-

Miss Himeko is the red herring , as he referred to her in his mind. She radiates escapism in elegance and her eyes are fiery with search. And when she looks at him, it seems she has found part of it - if her radiance flaring out was any indication. 

“You’re awake!”, she says, friendly but not as cheerful as March 7th. “It’s good that you’re here Caelus, Herta will come here shortly and take a look at you herself. How are you doing?”

Caelus, embarrassed that she had remembered his name so easily while he was struggling recalling anything , gives her an apologetic smile- at least that's what he thinks he’s doing. “I live, so that’s … good, I think?”

Miss Himeko laughs at his expression. “That’s wonderful, Caelus.” 

Hearing his name, or what he thinks is his name, still sounds strange to him. It feels like they’re addressing someone else - someone with the same face and the same body and everything’s the same but in the end it’s someone else. He just… can’t shake it off. 

“So, do you have any questions?”

The first one tumbles out of his mouth before he can catch himself. 

“Am I human?”

-

He gets his answer to that surprisingly fast and it’s unsurprisingly unsatisfying.

Inconclusive, Miss Herta told him. 

As of right now, you can certainly pass as human but it’s unknown what you classify as. If you’d let me do some research on you however…

Caelus doesn’t really need to think long about it, even if given the choice to decline. Knowing what he is sure is a good first step to knowing who he is, right? 

“Okay, do whatever you want.” He says, while looking at Miss Herta. He thinks? He can’t really sense her presence properly and her puppet body has synthetic eyes that frankly freak him out a little bit - and what little presence he can sense - heavy curtains drenched in cynicism and a teacup made of gears and curiosity - just don’t fit that puppet model at all. 

Miss Himeko gives him a worried look before hurriedly adding: “Don’t overdo it, Herta. He just wants to know what he is. I don’t think you will need to take him apart for that.”

Miss Herta huffs. “Yeah, yeah, I know. So, twerp.” She turns towards Caelus and gives him what he interprets as a sharp look. It’s really hard to tell with that puppet. “Are you coming along now or what? I don’t have all day. In fact I don’t have any more time right now. You know what? Tomorrow, same time, my bureau. Bye.” 

And with that the puppet disconnects and what little life was inside the puppet dissipates into thin air. Caelus shivers. 

-

They offer him a place on the Astral Express. Well, Himeko does, and she does so with the same gentle but burning smile.

It’s a tempting thought. And according to Miss Himeko, they’ll return frequently to the Space Station too, enough for him to carry out his research with Miss Herta.

He’d see March everyday, which wouldn’t be bad? She seemed like nice company. She did call out his peculiarities, so she could help him figure out what he’s doing wrong and what he should do instead. And he really likes her presence.

But there’s also negatives - There’s Mr. Yang, who he hasn’t properly met yet - all that March told him was that he was the oldest member of the Astral Express Crew with tons of experience and even more stories on his back. And that he was the one to stabilize the Stellaron in his chest. 

That wouldn’t be all too bad, and March even invited him onto the Astral Express to meet with him - Caelus thought it’d be appropriate to thank him for knocking him out, though March only had given him a strange look when he voiced that thought. 

But- approaching the Astral Express he could feel it. There was something very, very large radiating from the parlor car and it was so heavy, Caelus swears it’s drawing ripples into space itself. While it’s not hostile - the sway is soft and calm - it’s terrifying.   

“I-is there anyone else with you on the Astral Express, like right now?” Caelus asks nervously.

“Huh?”, March says, “No, as of right now it’s just us four who you’ve met already - oh and Pom Pom, the conductor! But their probably doing their afternoon nap as of right now and- uh-”

She gives him a worried look. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

“Is.. are you sure Mr. Yang is in the Parlor Car?”

She eyes him amusedly, “Uhhm, yes? He’s like reading all the time, or drawing or doing some old man things- what? Are you scared? Of Mr. Yang? Do you… even remember him?”

And that’s when Caelus realizes that she can’t see whatever he’s seeing and he’s forced to choose between being a coward or being a scaredy cat and both are bad. But- this slow orbit of red and black with a large black vortex centering right in the middle of the parlor car - and the whisper , Caelus notices. It’s not voices of the living, that much he can tell and the swirl tries to soothe them and it’s a macabre dance of gravity and, no. Just, no. 

He’s been terrified enough this week. He mumbles an apology and an excuse and leaves March behind, ears red in shame. That’s so lame. He’s so lame. He feels her eyes burn a hole in his back when he hurries away. 

He can’t look her in the eyes for a while after this.

So there’s that.

As much as he likes March and Himeko, he’s pretty sure he’d never close an eye with that presence on the train.

And then -

Dan Heng. The one he has filed in his head as the lock, because everything about him screams permission required, access denied. 

Caelus doesn’t even have a comparison to him because there’s just nothing. Or better, there’s definitely something, and it’s well hidden away, and so the other man is a blank sheet with cold eyes and sharp words gently spoken and Caelus can’t help but feel uncomfortable around him.

He’s an enigma on the inside, yet his disdain or his low tolerance for anything annoying could be written on his face to be more obscure. Caelus has never met anyone - even on his very short list of acquaintances - who manages to radiate impatience this calmly. 

And -  Dan Heng observes. 

Watches quietly, while mapping the world, the people around him with his eyes, making notes with his mind and keeps what's worthwhile as a footnote in his writings. It takes Caelus a while until he can satisfyingly categorize the kind of person that Dan Heng is to him. 

Dan Heng is a disconnected person. And he’s one by choice. It’s like he’s keeping the puzzle pieces of himself unsolved in a box that he does not intend to open with anyone around. 

It’s dishonest. 

Caelus realizes he dislikes dishonesty, even if it’s not out in the open. Everyone he met on the Space Station who has been dishonest towards him or another always had something to hide. Or something rude to say. 

And Dan Heng is wary. Of him, of what or who he is or might be. Of the Stellaron, which he doesn’t even understand himself. Of his behavior, his movements, his fighting style. He’s being scrutinized, analyzed and scanned for danger. And yeah, he might wield that bat with a lot more confidence he himself expected to have but he literally jumped in front of the Doomsday Beast to save March, so maybe cut him some slack with the danger allegations?

He’s just trying to get into living normally. Being a person is hard, damn it. Especially when you barely remember the basics but your body’s grown and the expectations of what- ‘ it’s common sense, Caelus, seriously? Why would you drink an abandoned, moldy drink from the storage room that no one uses anymore?’ - the expectations are, that he can handle being a normal human being from day one- which he can, but he’ll slip up from time to time! 

Maybe he’s also a little mad at himself for failing so miserably under Dan Heng’s watchful eyes. Everyone respects him a lot and he seems often like a tree for guidance and directions but whenever Caelus asks him something he feels like a measly weed barely sprouting, waiting tentatively for the permission to grow at this spot.

So, Dan Heng and him? Probably not the best match on the Express.

Caelus declines Miss Himeko’s offer with a wistful smile. 

The Astral Express leaves the same day in the evening. 

He watches as the train drifts confidently into seemingly nowhere and wonders whether the seats in the parlor car are soft and comfortable. 

-

The Space Station is… a solid place to live, Caelus decides. Sure there are some researchers who are quite strange but it does give him a feeling of belonging so he doesn’t mind running errands for them, as long as it further validates his presence. 

Some of them are surprisingly nice - and some incredibly mean and twisted-, and all of them are knowledgeable about the weirdest of topics, which they love to ramble about once asked.

There’s Arlan, who he’s met before, busy and stressed, but always around for a quick chat and always ready to call him out whenever he’s doing something considered unsociable. He reminds him of March, in a way, though maybe a bit shyer. And his presence is… fuzzy. A bit like a sweater. And warm. 

Caelus decides he likes him. He offers his help in dealing with the remaining Anti-Matter Legion, and though Arlan declines at first, he reluctantly accepts his help after seeing him absolutely go ham on a trampler. 

He doesn’t really get his own space, but there’s also no complaining when he makes himself comfortable in an empty meeting room so he counts that as a win. 

Asta’s just as busy, though for different reasons - she’s got a Space Station to run - but she never fails to greet him, when he’s passing by. He’s never met someone whose eyes looked so much like themselves. Asta just radiates soft, bright blue with sprinkles of gold and her presence is wide. Like, it spans the whole main control zone like a blanket, light and translucent but protective. 

And - she’s funny. She has a peculiar sense of humor, doesn’t take herself too seriously - ‘You know, half the people whose life I finance on the Station don’t even like me - and it’s the half that hates animals on board. Peppy’s secret job is to follow them around and piss them off on my behalf, - don’t tell Arlan. Don’t.” 

And Caelus can somewhat relate to being disliked, though for different reasons and he decides he likes Asta too. 

Herta is… well, Herta. She’s rude and inconsiderate and honestly borderline irresponsible with a lot of things, but she’s - and she exclaims it too - quite brutally honest. Which is refreshing. And needed. Researchers are way too good at saying one thing and meaning another, but Herta is forthright in her words and Caelus appreciates it. 

Caelus originally wanted to spend as little time in the laboratory as necessary, mainly because her multiplying puppet presence freaks him out - but she’s prepared way more for him than he bargained for and Simulated Universe sounds way too close to the video game on his newly obtained phone to decline. 

-

“So. Solid work.”, Herta says curtly, after Caelus stumbles out of the Simulated Universe, breathing raggedly and face red, because - “ Did Yaoshi just kiss me-?” 

A pair of blue artificial eyes give him an impassive stare. “What.”, Herta says flatly. “Are you having memory issues? They did. That’s good, that aligns with a lot of data I have collected about them.” She turns around and starts tapping on her various screens, while Caelus absentmindedly touches his lips. That had felt… way too real. Was a kiss supposed to be this forceful ? Does it count when it's virtual? Has he ever kissed anyone in his previous-

“Caelus, please stop blushing like a schoolgirl in my lab. I can see it on the reflection of my screen. It’s just a kiss, get over it and let me work.”

“Sorry. I - was - I think it might have been my first one, so…”

“Well, that’s just sad.” 

Herta’s honest, and he truly appreciates it, but occasionally it just stings with no added value. Ouch. 

-

The results come in. 

[...] Conclusion: Not classifiable as human. Alternative Identification strongly suggests a humanoid copy on carbon basis. Various anomalies detected: Heart replaced with viable option - Stellaron [no supporting data found]; Blood replaced with viable option - Stellaron infused blood [no supporting data found]; [...]

In short: Test subject [Caelus] [Data file 12.0283] seems to be a human mimicry, whose build and components can not be fully explained in function. The test subject is fully functional physically and adequately functional on a mental basis; with various random flukes in cognitive execution. The test subject's main purpose seems to be hosting the Stellaron [Data File 01.0811] and keeping it completely stable. [...] 

[...] Data supports a symbiotic or parasitic existence - the test subject can not function without the Stellaron and the Stellaron can only be safely contained by the test subject. This kind of symbiosis between an artificial mimicry and a Stellaron, whose make up has not been completely identified, is a novelty in science and might mark a major breakthrough- [...]

Most of the file doesn’t make sense to him, but he can pick out the parts that tell him what’s going on. Not being an actual human does bother him more than he thought it would. He thought that after a month he had blended into the crowd quite nicely, with him copying various gestures and fragments of speech he picked up from Arlan, Asta or the researchers. 

He felt like he was slowly but surely becoming a part of something, something he could maybe learn to belong to, something he could maybe call his home. He knows, it probably won't bother any of the people he really cares about, that he’s only one of them by image alone but - it bothers him . It’s another glass window - seemingly invisible until he tries to cross the line. He can not become human without breaking - without taking the Stellaron that keeps him alive out of his damn chest. 

And that sucks. 

Before he can sink any further thoughts into this void, another line in the report catches his eye.

[...] Further data suggests that the body of the test subject was not created from scratch, but based on a viable human template [Selection criteria unknown] whose DNA was modified by an unknown variable; which resulted in the creation of an altered synthetic human, -- [...]

[...] The systematic search through the IPC Personnel Database has yielded zero [0] matches.[...]

[...] The systematic search through the IPC Allied Civilisations Database [Solar systems included = {all}] has yielded zero [0] matches [...]

[...] The systematic search through the IPC Criminal Database has yielded zero [0] matches[...]

The sentence burns itself into his brain, never to be forgotten and he can’t help it. It latches onto it, maybe in a pathetic attempt to find an identity, a right to be , but there’s a whisper in his head and he can’t tell what it’s saying, but it’s silken and magenta and he associates that feeling with his past. It can’t possibly be false.

It has to be true. 

It has to.

[...] was not created from scratch, but based on a viable human template [...]

Caelus takes this morsel of information, the barest hint of his existence and with shaky hands and a fluttering report in his hand, he makes another choice. 

He’s going to find the truth. No matter what.

He’s going to leave the station behind. 

This is a choice he refuses to regret. 

Chapter Text

The urge to get out there, start searching, start looking eats its way into his head like the noble worms that devour the compostable waste on the Station. It wiggles and itches in a way that could only be described as red  and it’s festering like an infestation he can’t get rid off. It occupies him way more than it should, and he often finds himself staring out of the large windows, wondering if every star he sees keeps a remnant of his past and taunts him with their relentless shimmering in the night sky. 

The occupation with his thoughts changes his stance - loose and gangly before, now rigid and fists balled and sometimes Caelus curses being so childlike because apparently he wears his heart - very funny, really - on his sleeve and the people around him notice. 

Arlan, surprisingly, is the first to call him out. 

“Caelus?” he asks, one day after helping him tape off a part of the station affected by the Fragmentum. Caelus, sunken deep in his thoughts, doesn't even realize that he’s wrapped half the barrier tape around the pole until Arlan grabs his hand and forces him to stop. 

“Hey, that’s enough! Seriously…”

“Ah, sorry.” Caelus immediately lets go of the tape, letting it fall into Arlans hands. “I was thinking and not looking at what I was doing, sorry.”

“Hm.” Arlan gives him a look . Caelus knows that look . It’s the Asta-the-monthly-bill-is- insane -what-the-hell-did-you-buy-this-time-look. He wonders why it’s directed at him though. 

“What’s up?”Arlan then asks, suddenly casual and conversational and Caelus can’t help being surprised at the change of tone. 

“Nothing.”, he says, probably a little too fast so he adds: “I mean I’m doing good, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m just thinking about stuff, like, some research results from Herta. Sorry if that disrupts my work, I’ll be more focused next time-”

Arlan sighs, effectively interrupting him and Caelus freezes up for a moment.. “You know, Asta, a few of the researchers that are fond of you and I noticed that you’ve tensed up quite a bit over the past few weeks. If anyone’s bothering you, just tell me, or Asta, okay? And if anything else is bothering you, feel free to talk to any of us about it. I know I’m not around a lot, but if it’s something important I can make free time too, you know? Just… maybe not the next… two weeks.” He adds with a look on the schedule on his wrist watch and a groan.

Caelus looks at him in wonder. “Why would you do that?”

Arlan looks back just as surprised. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m not a component of the Space Station, though, so I don’t really fall into your line of duty?”

“Caelus, did you just refer to yourself as a component ?”

“I mean-”

“Caelus, you’re part of the station. You’re a great help dealing with the Anti-Matter Legion because researchers are wimps and the Fragmentum doesn’t seem to affect you nearly as badly as anyone else. And- this isn’t about duty. You’re our friend, of course we’d wanna know if something’s wrong.” 

Embarrassingly, Caelus chokes up at that. God, this body unadjusted to emotions is so damn lame . The reaction just happens, and he redirects his gaze towards the Fragmentum and waits for the lump in his throat to reside. 

“Uh, thanks”, he croaks out and the look Arlan gives him is nothing short of concerning . Caelus wavers- he really doesn’t want to push his luck by telling him that he’s basically a human mockup but Arlan’s nice and he means well - so he settles in between.

 “I… uh…I just started thinking about everything that happened ever since I… showed up here.” Caelus stares at his hand, gloved and impossibly smooth. “You know, the Stellaron… in me?” That wasn’t a secret, so he feels confident to talk with Arlan about it. 

Arlan nods, listening. His fuzzy presence becomes softer and almost plush. It has a comforting hue, a gentle lilac. “It’s a liability, right? What if… I blow this whole place up?” It’s certainly not the first and foremost concern for Caelus right now, as he can feel the Stellaron in his chest and it’s decidedly quieter before Mr. Yang’s intervention. But it’s a valid concern to have, especially from an outside perspective - it’s basically explosive space cancer.

Arlan shakes his head. “This whole station was made to host and keep the Stellaron in your body safe. I think the station can handle you going off. At least for a short while, and we know how and where to get help.  And… you don’t feel anything, as of right now, right? Or-”

“No! No, as I said, I’m just…thinking.” 

“That’s good. I mean… that you’re feeling well, of course. Don’t worry about the Stellaron, Caelus. We are looking out for you.” 

Ugh. His throat closes up again. It doesn’t help that Arlans fuzziness gently caresses his back in consolidation and squeezes his shoulder in reassurance. 

Ugh. Whatever. He can’t play it cool twice in a row. And nobody questions his weird behavior here anyways. In a flash he ducks down and squeezes the shorter man with his arms in a hug. 

Arlan shrieks - ”Wha-?!” - and his presence flares with warmth and a bird-like bristling of feathers. “Caelus!”, he sputters, “What are you-” 

“Thanks.” Caelus says, sincerely. It’ll be hard to leave them behind. He’s only been around for maybe one and a half months and yet, he’s become so attached to the station and its inhabitants. “For everything you guys do for me.” 

Awkwardly, Arlan pats his back while trying to catch his breath. Oh, right. Caelus loosens his grip a little. He sometimes has a hard time grasping that he’s rather on the stronger side of things when it comes to physical strength. ‘Heads usually don’t fall off their body when hit with a bat.’  

Arlan sighs, but he sounds fond. 

“Way to make it sound like a farewell.”

You have no idea.

-

When they make their way back to the master control zone, Caelus notices Arlan glancing at him with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Something on me?”, he asks. He showered yesterday . And he’s not doing anything weird right now, is he? 

“Ah, uh. No. I was just… you’re kinda similar to…” , he sighs, hand scratching his front,  “Nevermind.”

“Come on, spit it out! We’re friends, right?” If there’s anything Caelus has learnt from the researchers, it’s that verbally and emotionally taking advantage is an absolutely viable tactic in science. “If I can tell you anything, you can tell me too!”

He flashes Arlan the biggest, most innocent smile he can muster and his companion groans. 

“Ugh. Yeah, there’s no denying it.” Arlan gives him a suffering look. “You’re just an oversized version of Peppy.” 

Out of all things, that wasn’t what Caelus expected to be compared to at all. He blinks and tilts his head at Arlan in confusion.

Huh?

“Yeah. Exactly the same.”

-

Despite still running around doing tasks, missions and orders all day and chatting with researchers about their day and avoiding those who only offer him an insult on his way, Caelus never forgets that he needs to leave. It’s still all brain worms urging him to go, go go, and they’re multiplying.

It’s just - he can’t. 

He can’t leave the station. He doesn’t have a space ship. Or a capsule. Or, like, a jet pack, though that would probably kill him anyway.  And there’s no way the little pocket money he gets from doing everyone's bidding is enough to borrow one for even five minutes. 

Not to mention - does he need a license? Or special training to drive these vehicles? 

All of this floods his brain and leaves him overwhelmed and down when he thinks about it for too long. It makes him feel trapped at the station, like a fish in a bowl. In the worst of moments, the feeling of being enclosed gets so bad his body reacts with a sudden rush of heat crawling uncomfortably up to his neck and hampering his breathing. It’s during these moments his insides light up in laughing gold and his ears fill with whispers of silk and deceit.

It’s these moments that make him question what the hell he is even doing here, on this station nowhere in space. There must be a reason for him to be here, right? 

Someone wants him to be here, right? 

Everything that perplexes you and troubles you to know will resolve at the end of your journey.

Caelus remembers Silk’s words. There far away though, as if conjured through a dream - and to be honest, Caelus isn’t really sure if it was ever real at all. 

And their words jumble - I will leave you here, all alone on this space station . Caelus takes a breath into shaky lungs - is this real? Is this the same Silk that told him that he’ll be fine at the end of his…journey? Whatever it is meant to be, anyways.

Your past and what you are won’t concern you.

But -  they do. Or don’t they? Is he just making up problems for himself? Silk whispered not to worry, so he shouldn’t, and yet. There’s an uneasiness underneath his skin, lightly tapping fingertips on his ribs making him jittery when he thinks about his future. 

The taps leave behind little golden spots on the inside of his bones, lingering with heat and little mouths that whisper ‘Caelus, don’t you want to get out of here?’

And he does, he realizes, he needs to get out of here, this isn’t where he’s supposed to be at all - but they’re not gonna let him go, won’t they? He’s like a child to them. They’re not just gonna give him their blessing and let him off when he asks them to. 

He wonders if stealing a spaceship is enough of a crime to lose all his friends on the Station. 

-

He, for the lack of all subtlety he has, actually tries to do this with nuance. There’s no need to rush, he tells himself, though the feeling in his chest, golden and rough scratches him to disagree. 

Through Herta he learns that the Space Station is hovering above a planet called The Blue. People live on it, too and according to her, the humidity there is ‘entirely too high to keep any science devices alive for longer than ten years.’ Caelus wonders if this is a good first place to go - not too far away from what he’s familiar with. Then again, if he decides to betray their trust like he has planned to, maybe he should go somewhere far away -  the shame of doing so would probably also be much easier to bear. 

He starts observing Arlan, who is the head of the Security Department. Tries to memorize gate codes or where certain key cards are stored and takes glimpses into locked storage rooms and hangars whenever he gets the chance to. He finds the Station’s food storage and a few of its maintenance gear rooms. Studying the map, he also finds a section at the bottom of the station called ‘transport and mobility storage facility’ together with a red cross indicating that there’s also an emergency ejection capsule and Caelus thinks that this sounds quite close to what he’s looking for. 

He just has to be careful not to be too - observant. Arlan catches him staring a few times and just gives him a confused tilt of his head and a “What is it? Do I… have something on me?”. His fuzzy aura then bristles like goosebumps and it would be sweet if there wasn’t cold sweat running down Caelus’ back knowing that he’ll likely never see him again soon. 

He hates dishonesty. He’s never liked anyone who had treated him or his surroundings with it. Maybe it’s time to taste his own medicine. 

It’s gold and it’s bitter.

-

“Oh so, they’re fully voice-controlled? Like Atom from Real Steel?” 

“Yeah! Like - like who?”Asta gives Caelus a confused look.

 “Uh, that’s a movie that I found in the databank last month - I really liked it.” He wonders if it’s maybe considered lazy that he’s got the time to watch movies while everyone seems to be surrounded by work and science all the time. 

But Asta just gives him an understanding nod. 

“Movies from the storage database? Those are really old! The special effects on these are so outdated, it’s hilarious, I can’t take those movies seriously at all. Not that I’ve got the time to watch any new ones coming out, anyways…” Asta sighs, looking down dejectedly, before she beams at him again. “But yes! The entire mobility section was completely overhauled by me last year! Before that, we’ve only had spaceships that required a captain, even if the people only wanted to visit family back on The Blue. Which was incredibly tedious, because the captains were also allowed overnight stays here and they did not get along all that well with the scientists.” She laughs at the memory. “So I decided to put an end to this and now most of the near-distance spaceships are voice-controlled and absolutely idiot-safe - and trust me, as much as they try to deny it, some of these scientists probably got all their brain power in exchange for every ounce of talent it takes to operate a vehicle.” 

Caelus laughs at that, but there’s no way he can ignore the golden itching in his lungs, when Asta presents him what he’s looking for on a silver platter. Her smile is guileless and proud of her achievement and her paperlight, blue veil flutters with joy. 

Guilt, Caelus decides, is a horrible feeling too. He savors the taste as a warning. 

-

He starts collecting the essentials for his journey piece by piece - through Asta he learns that all of these ‘idiot-safe’ spaceships are well equipped for a journey that’ll last approximately a week or two - which is also enough to reach a few of the neighboring planets of The Blue. But if the golden hands gripping his ribs from the inside are any indication this won’t be far enough away to start anew and guilt-free.  He picks up a few tools he’s sure no one will be missing - a discarded and wiped  laptop with a completely cracked screen, a few more freeze-dried instant meals to last him a bit longer than a month, a digital map of the star systems surrounding the station - all of that and more well hidden and stored in an old backpack he found in the stations’ trash compressor near the ejection gate. It had looked brand new, even the price tag - which almost made him doubt his eyesight - was still dangling off the side. Oh well. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

It almost takes a full month to get everything ready and planned, all while fulfilling his role as the ‘stunt dummy for everything’ on the station - not that he minds. He can’t really keep up with all the brainy science things but he baffles the scientists and Herta again and again with the utter resilience of his body. He seems to heal faster than humans usually should and his blood’s color is slightly off. A bit more on the orange side. 

A bit less human than he wants it to be. 

He still enjoys all the things he’s doing on the station, doing Herta’s crazy simulations, fighting against the legion while hiding a shivering Wubbabboo under his overall and occasionally even helping some scientists with their strange requests. It’s just - each day, the gap between him and the others seems bigger to overcome, each day there’s Silk’s voice in his ear and golden desire in his chest whispering sweet words of freedom and destiny and each day, the feeling of being part of this station withers away. 

He tries to keep calm - but, he’s never done a crime before, at least not one he actively remembers and it’s kind of nerve wracking. He knows he’s a bit too jumpy and a bit too jittery and a bit too fast in saying “I’m fine!” whenever he’s asked, but he tries to lay it out as a lack of sleep due to all the horror movies he’s been watching. 

“I will never get why people watch horror movies.” Arlan sighs when Caelus explains just that to him after he accidentally dropped his bottle of water when Arlan declared the pricing of some security device Asta bought as ‘pure robbery.’ “Why watch something that affects you negatively for weeks to come? Why not watch…a comedy or something?”

“It’s about the thrill”, Caelus says cheerfully, trying to calm the racing thrumming in his chest. “It’s a test of courage.” 

“And you’re … failing?” 

Caelus blinks, offended. 

“I am…not?” 

“But you just flinched for some reason and dropped your-”

“I just have bad reflexes.” 

That’s a lie, and a bad one at that. Arlan has seen Caelus fight. The lie is in fact so bad, that Arlan just raises an eyebrow at him and Caelus is left to save his dignity with crossed arms and a chin raised in protest. 

-

“This is the third time you failed this stage, Caelus.” Herta’s voice trickles into his skull, tone nothing short of accusatory. “Ugh”, he groans and slowly tries to get up while the world around spins like a carousel. It’s not the first time he’s got KO’d in the Simulated Universe but the feeling of being forcefully thrown out still is nauseating. It’s particularly bad if it happens three times in a row. And it’s a special hit against his pride when it’s a stage he’s beaten before. 

“Didn’t you beat this stage before?” Herta asks drily. She doesn’t spare him a glance to ask if he’s doing ok - not that he expected her to - and keeps her focus on the various screens surrounding her. 

“Yes, thanks for reminding me.” Caelus hisses, wobbling to his feet. “Not my fault that I didn’t

get any blessings for the path I’ve chosen - Your randomizer is bull-” 

“Watch it.” 

Caelus shuts up. Last time he protested against the programming, Herta threw him into a prototype called ‘Swarm Disaster’ and he swears he hasn’t been the same ever since. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Herta sighs. “Adaptability should be your strength - you’ve beaten stages completely on your own before.” She gives him a sharp look. “Don’t bore me, Caelus. It’ll not be fun for you if the only way my curiosity about you is sated is to dissect you.”

Caelus has no doubt that she’s not overplaying her words by any means. He has once found a vial on her desk labeled with ‘Retinal Fluid. Test subject: Caelus ’ and when he confronted her about it her only words were “ Not my problem if you sometimes sleep with your eyes open, twerp .” Together with that soulless, impassive little puppet body staring him down, he was absolutely convinced that if Herta wasn’t born with that insatiable curiosity of hers, she would’ve been a serial killer. 

So he gets up, ignores the nausea blubbering in his gut and golden annoyance clawing at his lungs and says. “Again. Until I beat it.” 

Herta sends him back in without looking back. 

-

A week, Caelus tells himself, he’ll give himself a week to get out of here. He’s got everything ready now and all he needs to do now is find the perfect time frame to commit his planned crime. And… a week will be enough to go through his favorite places at the station one last time. And then he really shouldn’t push it away further and just go through with it. He has someone to find out there. 

The days dissolve around him in an instant and to his annoyance, it’s one of the best weeks he’s had ever since he popped into existence. There’s this Xenohydro thing that takes on his appearance and it gives Arlan the scare of the week - “Another one?! But one is already a safety hazard as is!” - and he finally cracks the code to the secret room he’s found only to be met by Asta’s twinkling gaze. “Oh.”, she says amusedly when he shows her the things he found in her room, “Congrats on cracking my little riddle! I should’ve known, if anyone’s curious enough to investigate after little mysteries like that, it’s you!” 

It’s fun and it’s bizarre and it’s admittedly very chaotic and probably very stressful for Arlan and in the midst of all things  Caelus even manages to forget the intrinsic differences between him and the others and - it’s - it’s-

-it’s time to go. Now. Else he’ll never leave. 

-

The last day of his self proclaimed deadline is thankfully a busy one at the station, workers are preparing for multiple arriving guests today, Asta and Arlan got their hands full and Herta’s brewing in her lab to show her arriving colleague what concoction she’s been working on this time. 

It’s easy to blend into a busy crowd and disappear through the back door. Earlier than thought, Caelus finds himself on the way to the unused room where he hides his travel backpack in. It’s still too early though - the transport facility will only open without a key card  in about two hours, when the automated load of trash gets transported to the ejector. Lounging around in front of the door would only be suspicious, especially since it’s monitored by cameras and so he decides to grab the outdated recorder he’s found in a chest and leaves a message behind for his friends on the station. 

They more than deserve his thanks for all they’ve done for him. They also deserve to know what’s wrong with him.  And they deserve to know what he’s done. 

When he finishes, he sneaks back and puts the recorder on Peppy’s collar, before giving the little dog a big squeeze which is received with a protesting, choked bark. “Farewell, Peppy.”, he says and for once the lump in his throat has no golden hue to it. 

Maybe he’ll meet other dogs on his journey. 

-

Arlan can’t say he isn’t used to a lot of stress, it’s practically his default state, but today is particularly out for blood for him. It’s no help that the security system decided to glitch out when they’re not expecting one but two esteemed guests - one of them the Astral Express, who they’re indebted to ever since they protected the station from literal doom a few months ago and the other one some high horse from the Genius Society, one that Arlan has also never met before. Which means adapting to unknown but likely very high standards of comfort. He’s just glad the Astral Express Crew is a familiar and rather uncomplicated crowd. 

The station is chaotic today, Asta’s running left and right, Herta’s no help as always and always leaves everything administrative to Asta as if she hasn’t got enough on her plate. Arlan’s trying his best to support her in every way he can but he’s limited to two hands and one head too - speaking of helping hands, Caelus has made himself unexpectedly scarce today. He hasn’t seen his friend all day which is rather rare for him, especially since he’s usually the first one to ask Arlan if he can help with anything. 

He’s been acting off the last month too, now that Arlan thinks about it, weirdly standoffish about certain things and weirdly attached about others - not that he isn ’ t usually weird, Caelus is a strange one for sure, but regarding his circumstances and his origin he can’t really be blamed for it. And, if he has to be really honest, after the initial puzzlement, his unpredictable behavior has become rather charming if it’s not outright reckless-

“Arlan! What’re you dreaming about? Hurry up, I’ve heard the Express just arrived, we have to go greet them and get the thing Herta wanted from them!”Asta interrupts his train of thought. Her forehead shines with sweat from running around so much, but she’s full of vigor and far from her limit. Arlan snaps out of it - she’s right. Today’s not the day to worry about the peculiarities of their new friend and so he hurries after Asta towards trains’ docking station. 

He picks up Peppy on the way there too, since Miss March always seems to be delighted to see the little ball of fur. 

-

It’s 12:45 system time when the automated door to the transport facility opens. Caelus, backpack in one hand, bat in the other quietly rushes through and tries to avoid the angles of the security cameras. He knows which ship he’s going to take - there’s an IPC standard model in the third row, voice-controlled, with enough fuel to last two full weeks and an emergency dial in case his ship decides to give up halfway on his journey. 

He knows it will give an alert to the master control zone once he opens the hatch, but he hopes everyone is too busy to notice and that he’s long gone before someone reaches him. 

He looks back at the facility door closing and locking him in the room and he knows- 

This is it. No going back now. 

-

He leaves the welcoming of the guests to Asta after saying hello to everyone himself and starts helping  with the maintenance routines for the train. Peppy’s run off the moment Arlan has set him on the ground and it was absolutely the right choice to bring him along if Miss March’s joyous squeal and Asta’s laugh are any indication. 

All in all he really looks forward to seeing the Astral Express Crew again. They’re nice people and often have fascinating stories to tell from the last few places they’ve visited. Sadly, today he won’t have the time to listen in as much as he wants to but the second esteemed guest is yet to arrive and there’s still a lot to do for that. Well, maybe he can take a bit of workload off Asta’s shoulders so at least she can listen to -

“ What ?!” 

A panicked shriek in a familiar voice drops Arlan back to the plane of reality - in fact, that voice is - “Lead Researcher Asta!” 

Arlan immediately rushes back to her side where he’s confronted with a very wide-eyed and crayon white Asta who's holding a weird device in her hand. Arlans first thought is ‘ is that a bomb? ’  and he instantly gets ready to throw himself in front of her lest the thing blasts off -  but then Asta turns towards him, expression panicked with Miss March peeking from behind her, looking incredibly confused. The rest of the crew who has left the train - which is Miss Himeko and rarely enough, Dan Heng, look just as taken aback. 

“Arlan!” Asta yells, though he’s right in front of her. Arlan raises his hands in confusion. 

“I’m right here, Lead Researcher, what-” 

“You - get Caelus! We have to catch him before he’s gone! Oh, stars, how did I not see this coming…?” Asta wrings her hands and hands Arlan the device she was holding which turns out to be a very outdated recorder. He has no clue what is going on, so he just stares at her in confusion. 

“Get Caelus? Catch him- what? ”, he says baffled. 

Asta takes a deep breath and her look switches from panicked to determined. “All right. Arlan, you need to do the following things right now and as fast as possible . When you’re on the way, listen to the recording on the device, you’ll understand what’s going on.”

Arlan just nods, still uncomprehending but knowing that what’s about to come will be important. 

“Go to the second control room in the lower storage facility - the one that has the external control for the outside hatch in the transport hangar. There, lock off the hatch immediately , especially if it has been opened minutes ago, and- “ Asta leans closer, hands now on both hips.

“Use the intercom and tell Caelus if he moves his butt one inch away from the Space Station I will delete every single game on his phone!” 

Arlan blinks at her, knowing fully well that she’s absolutely serious, yet still nothing makes sense to him. Why would Caelus-? 

“Go! You have to hurry!” Asta urges him. “I’ll be following right away, I just- “ she gestures behind her at the still puzzled looking members of the Astral Express. 

Just this moment, one of the maintenance workers rushes outside, looking confused but relieved when seeing Asta outside. “Lady Asta!”, he yells, “We’ve got an unauthorized alert from the transport hangar, the main hatch’s been opened. Was someone supposed to leave today-?” 

Arlan’s heard enough. He runs . Caelus better not go anywhere. 

-

While he’s running and ignoring every single rule in the book to get as fast as possible to the second control room, Arlan manages to snag his earbuds out of his pocket and connect the - with a cable, how ancient - device to it and presses play. 

The static crackles for a few seconds, before someone speaks up. 

Uhh, I hope this works.  

Caelus.

Uhm, so. Uhh. I thought I could maybe record this as an explanation? Why I’ll leave and do the things I’ll do - or - or will have done until you guys, or someone finds this. Oh, I should maybe say who this is for, right? Uhm, - Aeons, this is hard - this thing here is meant for Asta and Arlan. And- and maybe Herta too. So- 

Caelus' quiet voice talks in his ears while he’s sprinting down the corridors, and he can’t help but notice how subdued it sounds. Nothing at all like the loud, weirdly shameless yet charming Caelus he’s come to know the past few months. 

- even if you’re all, uh probably incredibly mad at me for what I’ll do - or will have done, please just give this a listen, I’ll - I’ll keep this short, I promise. - 

The closest this Caelus comes to, is the one time the other man hugged him unprecedentedly after a talk revealing that his companion is still worried about the Stellaron housing in his chest. Arlan grits his teeth.

-I wanted to, to tell you guys that I’m - really thankful for everything you did for me. Like, you let me stay here with me being an intruder with no memory and… a kind-of-bomb in my chest but you two were … really helpful, even when I wasn’t. You are all always very busy and have a lot going on all the time and you still took the time to look after - someo..uh, something like me. 

Oh Aeons, is he choking up? He’s talking about Caelus, of course. 

He starts running faster, despite the protest in his lungs. 

-so, in case you’re all wondering why I - did something like that, I- I…

There’s a short pause, where Caelus seems to be looking for the right words. Arlans hands ball into fists. 

- I think there’s something wrong with me.

Arlan’s heart plummets into his stomach. This is not going in the way he’d prefer. 

I mean, there’s a Stellaron in my chest so of course some things are not right, but. I-- there’s this voice, I think in my head, that’s telling me that I need to get out of here -- and I’ve had this horrible gut feeling and that, that instinct that I’m not - I’m not doing the things I’m supposed to. Like, I should be out there, somewhere nowhere doing something else? It’s so hard to describe -- the voice, it’s like from very long ago and- and… Oh Aeons. I’m gonna sound insane, aren’t I? Oh, Caelus, tell them about the voices, that's a great idea! I…ugh… it’s not… I am not going insane, I can assure you, but uh…

His voice quiets down again and Arlan finds himself listening closer to not miss anything.

…I’m not really human. It comes through quiet, so quiet that Arlan turns up the volume further before he hits the max. 

So I don’t think.. I should be here. I don’t mean that I’ve ever felt unwelcome or anything, I just, I just think that I don’t really fit. Gut feeling, or whatever.

‘Caelus, you idiot.', Arlan thinks, as he’s about to enter the right floor. He’s almost there. ‘Next time - and there better be a next time! - you’ll come to us and tell us that something’s bothering you before attempting a breakneck space escape like that.’

Uhm. So what I’m going to do is, I - I got my stuff here, that I’ve collected over the past few things - I didn’t take anything super valuable I promise! I mainly thrifted through the old, unused electronics devices oh, and I - got some food from the kitchen. Oh, and - Madame Herta - I’m, uh, I’m taking the bat with me. I know it’s a curio, and it’s your curio but… I - it’s the thing I’m most comfortable fighting with, so I’m sorry. I’ll - I’ll try to send it back, when I find something better. And, uh, I’ll be taking a ship from the transportation facility. I - I won’t tell you where I’m going but - I’ll try to leave the ship intact, at least. I’m gonna take the tracker out, though, so you’ll have to look for it - which I’m also sorry for..

Arlan fumbles with the door to the control zone. He yanks impatiently at his key card, as the door very conveniently stutters a few times before telling him to re-scan his card. “Fuck!”, he curses, and he’s glad no one’s around because that would’ve earned him a few puzzled looks. 

And, yeah, uh, lastly… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Asta, Arlan, Madame Herta… I’m sorry for leaving and stealing your things, I’m sorry for being a coward and running and I’m sorry for all - and I mean all - the trouble I’ve caused. I- I don’t want you to go look for me or anything - okay, maybe for the ship but, I, I think it’s best if you just.. uh pretend, I was never here. I think that’s -- good, for everyone. The static crackles again. That’s all, I think. Uh, goodbye everyone -- I mean, farewell. Farewell. 

And with that the recording stops and Arlan busts through the last security door and makes a beeline for the hatch lever. 

-

Caelus boards his chosen ship as soon as he pulls the lever to open the hatch. It’s easier than he thought. He says: “IPC Model S.I.T 230 activate for flight” and all the lights in the cockpit turn green and blinking and an electronic, female voice greets him back. He sets some parameters according to the guidebook he borrowed from Asta and everything is going smoothly. The ship’s nice too. Simple but functional. He likes it. 

“Please input your travel destination.” The voice says. 

Caelus takes a deep breath. He’s studied the map and strifed the internet for information about The Blue’s neighboring planets and there’s one that he thought was particularly interesting - 

“Golcondar”, he says. 

“Location set to: Golcondar. Current location: Herta Space Station. Estimated travel time: 312.6 System hours. Departure imminent - Open hatch detected. Passengers, take a seat and fasten your seatbelt. Have a safe journey with the IPC Model S.I.T 230.” 

And with that, the space ship starts rattling to life. Caelus doesn’t have a real heart - but if he had one, he’s sure it’d be in his mouth.

-

And then just as fast as his journey was about to begin, it stops. The ship stutters to a halt and Caelus nervously gets up from his seat to find the source for the problem. 

“Attention passenger: Hatch closed. Please open the hatch to recommence with your travel.” 

What?  

Was he too slow? Did the hatch close again before he could leave? But he hurried so much! Caelus grits his teeth -  not even something so simple he was doing right. And now he’ll have to alert the master control zone twice, which increases his chance of being detected tenfold. 

He groans and opens the door to the ship again when -

“Caelus!”

Caelus almost faceplants out of the ship when a loud and very familiar voice echoes loudly through the intercom. 

“A - arlan?” he stutters, while catching himself from falling on the ground in surprise.

“Don’t you dare do anything funny to that hatch! I locked it from the control room. You stay put right where you are or else - or else Asta’s gonna delete every single game on your phone!” 

Caelus feels the panic rise in his body - hot, yet cold and tingly, and not because of the threat to his games but - how the hell did he get caught so fast? 

He scrambles to the lever and pulls, but all that does is light a red lamp with a message on the display going ‘Hatch in manual lock’ . “Shit, no!”, he curses and starts hitting all the buttons on the small control module at the same time. Except for a few new blinking lights, nothing much happens. 

Okay. Okay, so the hard way. Property damage wasn’t on his initial list of crimes, but he doubts that any of that matters if the guilt and panic twirling in his system are a reliable marker to measure his misdeeds. 

He grabs the bat and runs over to the hatch. The door itself would be impossible to even put a dent in but maybe the hinges are its weak points. 

He’s about to slam the bat into the lower hinge, when the door behind him busts open and he’s suddenly surrounded by a very wiggly, very dark purple and very upset big ball of fuzz. 

“Caelus, what the hell are you doing?!” 

Caelus covers his mouth. Arlans fuzzy presence is currently so dense that it almost clogs his breathing, the particles fluttering and clinging to him, trembling and moving much more than usual. It takes a moment to adjust to it. 

“Put the bat down, get your things and come back with me!” Arlan yells, while still storming towards him. 

At the notion of going back to the station after everything he’s done, Caelus’ panic rises again. “I can’t!”, he yells back, “I need to go, just let me leave, please !” 

-

Arlan knows that at heart he’s a rather simple person. And he knows that he should stop putting so much emotion into his work, Asta being his daily reminder of that - “You don’t have to bear that all alone, Arlan!” - and he also knows that he’ll always put a bit too much emotion into things, because that’s how he functions. 

And maybe, that’s why he’d liked Caelus pretty much from the get go, all that honesty and weirdness made him feel a little less strange himself -  that it was okay to base some things on emotions. 

Though that honesty and openness has slowly faded with the way Caelus had been acting the past few weeks, and Arlan’s mad - at Caelus for not talking to him, when he would’ve absolutely listened and mad at himself for not asking him first, because Caelus still thinks of himself as a burden, when he’s not. 

And when he sees his friend’s lost expression, bat in hand held out in front of him like a shield against the world and about to do something incredibly stupid, maybe he lets all these emotions get the better of him, too. 

Arlan rushes forward, dodges Caelus’ panicked attempt at pushing him away, swings his leg forward and kicks his friend in the nuts as hard as he can. 

-

Caelus instantly deflates like a soufflé left out in the open and drops to his knees with a resounding oof.  The pain shoots up his entire back like a shockwave and he swears, for a second his vision blacks out. 

Arlan’s looking at him, yelling something at him, though his ears have a hard time registering anything but a gentle ringing. 

He groans and tries to breathe, and Arlan takes the bat out of his loosened grip, before putting both hands on his shoulders firmly. 

“You - moron!” Arlan shakes him a little and his dense, fuzzy, deep purple presence swaps over Caelus like a wave. Caelus closes his eyes, expecting to feel the anger in his colleague’s whirlwind of emotion, but it’s surprisingly mellow. “You-- you idiot! You can’t just go into space alone and only leave behind a message like this and- and expect us to not care! ” Arlan stops shaking his shoulders, but the violet cape surrounding him still pulsates in agitation. 

“But - But I have to go! I can’t be here, it’s not right, you don’t- “, Caelus protests, still weakened from the critical hit, but Arlan shakes his head decisively. “No, Caelus. I don’t think it’s wrong to feel about all the things the way you do, but don’t - and I mean it, don ’ t try to carry all of it alone. Trust me, it’s not gonna lead you anywhere - I know.” 

“But how am I supposed to- how else can I stop this feeling -?”, Caelus says, desperate, “I can’t, I - “ 

“Caelus, I don’t know either. But, look. You, Me, Asta and the others - we can try and look for a solution, for this, for you. Together.” Arlan says. He sounds just as agitated but seems to put an effort into sounding calmer than he is. It still is comforting. “Is that - is that alright?” 

And with that, the other boiling and spilling emotions within Caelus - red strings weaving through his head and flashes of gold in his gut, come to a halt. If in resignation or in disappointment, he can’t tell. He’s just glad they’re quiet - for now. 

His body slumps a little forward and gives more weight towards Arlan, who shifts to his side to help him up, when he realizes that all the fight and flight has left Caelus’ body. 

“Alright, let’s go back. We can pick up your stuff later.” 

-

They don’t get very far - the door to the facility opens a second time and Asta stands in the doorway, eyes getting suspiciously shiny when she spots the two boys walking towards her. 

“Are you two okay!? Did you - did you guys fight?” She runs over to them and immediately checks if they’re okay. Her soft blue hue is smaller than usual and less sparkly, it shakes around them like a leaf in the wind.

“We’re okay.” Arlan says, before giving a quick glance to Caelus who still seems a little shaky on his legs. “I think.”, he adds, voice a little tinged with guilt. He didn’t hold back at all. 

“Caelus?” Asta asks carefully, not wanting to overstep after everything she heard from the recording device. “How are you feeling?” 

Caelus looks at her, unsure what expression shows on his face and says: “I don’t know.”

Asta nods in understanding. “That’s okay. One thing at a time. Are you hurt anywhere?” 

“I -- should be fine soon.” Caelus says the same time as Arlan speaks up with “I -- uh kicked him in the groin.” 

“Don’t tell her that!” Caelus hisses at Arlan, embarrassed and weakly pushes against the other man supporting him. “Sorry.” Arlan hisses back. Asta makes a noise akin to a wet snort before she composes herself. 

“Oh, you two-! Uh, Caelus are you - are you okay with coming back with us so we can figure everything out?” Her voice is filled with a pinch of relief and laced with hope as her gentle blue opens around Caelus like a welcoming blanket. Her open and earnest eyes, clear as her inner self look at him with not a single bit of judgment or resentment and Caelus can’t help but feel taken aback by the amount of kindness that is shown towards his idiocy.

It feels undeserved - he’s not deserving any of this, the placeholder and the thief that he is - yet there’s this part of him that wants to reach out and take all this kindness for himself. He’s in no state to actively fight them and frankly, he doesn’t want to either, but he can’t just be so selfish and take this for himself too after he fucked up so bad, can’t he? 

“Why would you want that?” Caelus asks bitterly and his tone both alerts Asta and Arlan who exchange worried glances. 

“What do you mean?” Asta asks, alarmed. 

“I mean - I -- just stole your things, caused a shit ton of problems on an already busy day and I’ve generally just been this - this thing with a stellaron on the station that shouldn’t exist, and here you are asking me to come back with you, after everything? I -- I don’t… get it.” Caelus’ voice gets quieter and quieter with every word he says, while his insides light up gold and magenta, colors blending together into a nauseating spiral. 

“Caelus.” Asta says, voice determined. “No matter what you think of yourself and no matter who or what you are - you’re part of the Space Station. That doesn’t change now and that will not change if you ever decide to leave the station - in a more official manner, that is. There’s clearly a lot bothering you, but please, let us help you get through it, okay? No doing things alone! Same goes for you, Arlan.” She adds with a glance at the boy next to her. 

Arlan makes an offended grunt but before he can protest Asta speaks up again. “So, please.”, she says, voice much gentler now, “Let’s go back together.” 

All of a sudden Caelus feels incredibly tired. The amount of defeat he feels - and basks in - makes him feel like he’s swallowed stones for breakfast, heavy and full. Not in a bad way, it just locks him in place, makes him too tired to run and hide and maybe that’s not too bad of a thing for now. 

“... Okay.”, he says, voice low. Asta gives him a warm smile and her presence twinkles happily before she gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Things will be better soon, Caelus. Promise.” 

He does his best to give her a smile back. How it comes out, he doesn’t know. He wonders if his template would’ve handled all of this much better than he did. 

-

They’re halfway on their way back, when a concerning thought crosses Caelus’ head and he shyly voices his question. 

“Does… does Madame Herta know what happened?” 

Both Asta and Arlan freeze in their tracks. Asta’s looking for words while Caelus can basically feel the cold shiver running down Arlan’s back. Both fuzzy purple and feathery blue shrink densely around their respective owners, trying to make themself invisible. 

Caelus sighs. I’m in so much trouble.

“I’m sure she’ll understand.” Asta says, more to herself than to Caelus, which isn’t very reassuring at all. Arlan’s just staring blankly at the corridor in front of them and whatever thoughts are running through his head surely aren’t very reaffirming either. 

“I tried to steal her curio.” Caelus adds flatly. If there’s anything he knows about Herta, it’s that she can be incredibly petty when it comes to the status of her belongings. It’s not like she’s ever used or looked at the baseball bat curio for too long once it got into her hands, but the day Caelus used it as his signature weapon and asked her if he could keep it for a while, she took it for an extra-long inspection before trying to make him sign a contract lease with so many pages and so many words it made him dizzy. 

When he refused to sign it, she just laughed and said, I’ll let you keep it- for a while. 

So no, he doesn’t think she’ll take too kindly with his attempted thievery of her things. 

“Maybe, we can”, Asta gulps, “We can just leave that out of the whole thing when we tell her?” 

“How much”, Arlan interjects too, now that he’s recovered from the initial shock, “are we going to tell her?” 

“How much do the security cameras show?” Asta asks. Then she clasps her hands together. “Maybe we can blackmail one of your men to delete the whole footage from today, Arlan?”

Caelus can see how torn Arlan looks at that - he takes his job very seriously. But dealing with an annoyed Herta is just as - 

“How about that: the Astral Express covers for you and in turn you let us help with your little problem at hand?” 

The three of them turn around in surprise - behind them stands none other than the Astral Express’ Navigator Lady Himeko. Caelus blinks in confusion - what is the Navigator of the express doing on the Space Station? Are they- are they the esteemed guests they were expecting today? She smiles and her radiance is almost exactly the same as Caelus remembers it being - fierce and searching, though a little sharper, now that her current aim has a target in arms reach. Her presence of escapism is alluring to Caelus in a way he hasn’t felt the first time he’d met her. It makes the two conflicting harmonies within him wake up and whisper . 

“Lady Himeko!” Asta and Arlan exclaim while both straightening up and an elbow from Arlan into Caelus’ ribs forces him to do the same. 

“Hello, you three!”, she says, the smile just as present in her voice. Her eyes twinkle with mischief and elegance - a combination Caelus never thought was possible. 

“How- how was your arrival? I’m so sorry I left you all behind so quickly, I just -- we had to- “ Asta stutters, seemingly a bit starstruck. Her presence flares and dresses itself for better presentation. 

Miss Himeko laughs. “Oh, don’t worry about that! I’ve seen that you’ve been busy long before we’ve arrived. And March has filled me in quite a bit of what happened - I can imagine the rest.” She comes a little closer. “The Astral Express will pull up with a little distracting magic trick for Herta -  if it’s necessary. She’s been so into her research the whole time - is anyone from the Genius Society visiting by any chance?” 

Arlan nods. “Yes, it’s his first time visiting too, that’s why everythings so… festive in the main control room. I - I should head back and make sure that at least security is properly dispatched when he arrives, though- “

“Don’t worry about that, Arlan.”, Miss Himeko says kindly. “The Astral Express members are already all busy helping you guys out with your big welcome - even Welt - uh, Mr. Yang decided to get out of the express and come help!” 

Caelus, Asta and Arlan exchange a confused look with each other. Isn’t this… going too smoothly? 

Caelus eyes her warily, though he can’t sense even a bit of animosity from her. “What’s the catch?” 

Miss Himeko’s eyes snap towards him and Caelus can feel her presence sharpening, precise like a target circle. Still no animosity, just a growing fire for search surrounds her presence. “You.” She says cheerfully.

“Me?” Caelus asks, confused. Asta and Arlan look at the Navigator with big eyes. 

“Yes, you, Caelus. If I got the jist of it correctly, you’re in a bit of a pinch - you would like to see the outside world for yourself, don’t you?” 

Caelus nods, a bit dumbfounded. 

“Well, the offer of the Astral Express still stands!” Miss Himeko stretches out a hand.

“Offer of the Astral Express…?” Arlan whispers to Asta off the side. Before she can answer, Miss Himeko answers for her. 

“The last time we were here, I made Caelus the offer to board the Express with us, but maybe that was a little early after all the trouble that happened that day on the Space Station. He declined - and I think that was a good decision overall.” She turns back towards Caelus. “But, as I said, whenever you feel like seeing the world for yourself and maybe finding a place for yourself, the Express welcomes you with open arms!” The fire in her presence turns into a gentle hearth at those words, comforting and wide like a wooden workshop filled with countless old papers and candles. 

It’s incredibly tempting - more so than it was the first time the offer was made to him. 

“That’s great!” Asta exclaims. Caelus looks at her with surprise. “I mean, if that’s what you want - that’s actually a great solution! The Astral Express has a lot of experience in Space Travel and you won’t be all alone either. And honestly, I’d be able to sleep much better knowing that you’re traveling with the Express instead of drifting in some lonely spaceship on your own.” 

She gives him an encouraging look. “If you really want to get out there and see the world, go with them! I would love to do that myself one day but, you know, the station doesn’t run itself.” 

Arlan steps forward too. “I agree with Ast- with Lead Researcher Asta, Caelus. This is the best way to travel safely and far to different locations in the universe -  so if you really feel the need to get out of here -- I think it would be safest if you go with them.” 

All three pairs of eyes look at him expectantly and their presences mingle in anticipation of his answer. It’s a little bit pressuring and Caelus isn’t sure if he’s being pushed into a narrative he doesn’t want to but then Silk decides to chime in. 

None of your concerns matter. You mustn’t doubt yourself. Your past self mustn’t concern you.

That’s easier said than done, Caelus thinks, though its voice is sultry and soft. Easy to trust, red and velvety. But there it is again, the mention of his past self - implying it existed and not excluding that it’s still out there - and strands of gold creep up the gentle vines of Silks presence within him and stain it. Though Silk’s voice continues. 

At the end of your journey all that perplexes you and troubles you will resolve. 

He wants to believe in Silk. He wants to believe that just by tackling this journey he’s supposed to take, everything he needs to know will fall into place, into his hands and head and ease the sorrow that is quite literally buried in his chest. 

He wants to believe that his crowded mind is allowed to be at ease one day. Maybe even know that even if his presence isn’t an original one, it’s a justified one. Maybe he can reach the point where he’ll feel human enough to allow himself to comfortably stay with them. 

I must leave now.

But you must see the end of your story. 

And with that Silk and its magenta dissipate from his body, leaving behind scattering particles of gold, vigorous to root themselves deeply into their host.

If you get out of here, you might find yourself. They whisper, before attaching themselves like little golden stars at the inside of his ribs. Wouldn’t it be satisfying to find your mirror? 

It shouldn’t concern me according to Silk, Caelus thinks. It shouldn’t matter who or what I was before. 

But it does. Gold spreads on the outside of his lungs. Nothing but your belief in magenta and silk is holding you back from finding your truth.

They won’t help you. But I will. 

“- Caelus?” Miss Himeko's concerned voice breaks through to him. He blinks. The others stare at him with various degrees of concern. He must’ve zoned out quite a bit when he was making his decision in joining the Astral Express. 

Miss Himeko’s hand is still stretched out towards him and Caelus decides that this time, it’s the right choice.

“I think I’m ready.” he says, voice firmer than he expects it to be. “I want to travel among the stars and see the things this universe has to offer. I want to join you on the Astral Express.” 

They don’t have to know who I’m looking for, though. 

Miss Himeko’s aura lightens up the corridor in the warmest colors Caelus has ever seen. It coats him with a warmth he’s never experienced before. 

This is the right choice, an unknown voice says inside of him. 

Not the way you'll expect it to be, but the right choice nonetheless.

Chapter Text

How could he forget?

Caelus really wishes he had given his decision a few seconds more thought - because when the four of them arrive back in the master control zone he’s hit with all-consuming black and red and every single cell in his body goes into alarm mode, as he freezes up entirely. 

He remembers Miss Himeko’s words. “...even Welt- uh, Mr.Yang decided to get out of the express and come help!”

Caelus knows - he’s here. His immense presence drowns everything out, phases and weaves through everything in slow but decisive movements and fills the room with words of the long gone by. Now he clearly remembers one solid reason why he didn’t go with the Astral Express Crew the first time he was offered to stay with them. 

He instinctively turns to run, but remembers that he’s not walking around alone and when he turns back, three confused and worried faces look back at him.

“Is everything alright, Caelus?”, Miss Himeko asks gently.

“I…uh”, He stutters. How the hell should he explain that the helping Mr.Yang from the Astral Express terrifies him so much that he feels every bone creak in his knees? He needs an excuse, and fast. 

“I…I don’t feel so good. I’ll go and sit somewhere, uh - quieter.” Caelus sees the disbelief in their eyes, not willing to let him out of their sight so early after his little escape stunt. “I’m not going anywhere, really!” He adds, a bit urgently. It’s so dense in here, it makes the edges of the room bend together unnaturally. He wonders how anyone can bear to be in here, let alone so many scientists who carry on with their day, not noticing a thing. He wants out. 

Now.

The others finally realize that Caelus is about to crawl out of his own skin, if he can’t leave within the next thirty seconds and exchange a quick look before Arlan steps forward. 

“I’m coming with you. You two, go on ahead, we’ll catch up when Caelus feels a bit better.” Arlan says. Caelus feels a little twinge of guilt again - the station’s so busy today and needs every hand they have, yet Arlan has to babysit him instead. He feels like an overgrown toddler, filled with irrational fear and an unnatural amount of childlikeness for a body with his physical appearance - and it’s unpleasant, to say the least. 

“Alright! Feel better soon, Caelus.”, Asta says warmly, before they turn to go their separate ways, but-

But bad things travel in bundles and Caelus has apparently spent his entire karmic goodwill for the day, when a calm voice from behind Himeko and Asta speaks up.

“Here you are, Himeko -  and Miss Asta too! It’s good to see you again. How have things been on the Station?” 

Oh no. No. No. No. No. 

Asta and Miss Himeko turn around. “Welcome on the Station Mr. Yang”, Asta greets back cheerfully, “It’s rare to see you out of the train! The station’s doing wonderful, but you are all a great help on a busy day like this! We’re indebted to the Express once again.” 

Mr. Yang steps forward and Caelus finally gets his first real, though unwanted,  impression of this nightmare of a presence, and… it’s nothing what he expected it to be. To be honest, even his voice already caught him off guard - incredibly calm and pleasant like a well tempered cup of tea, yet the reddish-black sway remains, dense and noisy and tears at the walls of the room, deforming the air like dough. But Mr.Yang himself is -- just a regular looking man? 

It doesn’t make sense at all to him and it doesn’t ease his fear either - there has to be something that the others can see as well that gives away this terrifying, hidden presence of his! Caelus’ chest strums, his breathing fast and airy to not let the murmurs hear him. He’s not sure his legs work right now, prickly as they are and Arlan turns around to greet Mr. Yang as well instead of leading Caelus out of here as quickly as possible. “Welcome on Herta Space Station, once again.” He says and gives Mr. Yang one of his trademark awkward quick not-quite-smiles. Then Arlans look falls behind the others. “Oh, and you too, Dan Heng.” 

And indeed, standing a little behind Miss Himeko and Asta is none other than Lock-for-a-heart Dan Heng, giving everyone a curt nod of acknowledgement before smoothly slipping back into his blank sheet observer role again. Caelus hasn’t even registered him at all underneath that massively distracting presence swallowing the room. 

But that isn’t the problem at hand right now. The problem is that Mr. Yang, after greeting Arlan back with a “Good day to you too, Arlan.”, turns his attention towards him . The moment Mr. Yang’s eyes look at him, the murmur rises, like a third eye glossing over him and Caelus instinctively takes a shaky step back. He gets goosebumps immediately and can’t help the violent shiver running from head to toe. 

Arlan gives him what must be the tenth concerned look of the day. Violet fluff carefully surrounds his shoulders and shields him at least a tiny bit from his surroundings. “Caelus? You good?”

Everyone else’s eyes fall onto him as well and, well, things become too much too fast once again, as he feels exposed and horribly immature in front of them. He hates that this body reacts so strongly,  inexperienced in masking things when he wants to. This doesn’t happen when he’s in physical danger - he never even flinches when he’s facing the Legion! 

Worse, Mr. Yang now addresses him directly -  “Oh, Caelus, was it? Are you… alright? You seem quite pale -- Do you need anything?” - and with it the focus of red and black shifts towards him as well, an old, old watchful eye with a horrible gaze -- Caelus quietly gasps before taking two quick steps back before he’s cowering behind Arlan, hunching his shoulders to make himself smaller. Don’t swallow me, I’m nothing special to observe  -- I’m not worth your time, leave me be, leave me be, leave me be. 

This is horrible , Caelus thinks and wishes he could just pass out so it would be over soon, but the noise keeps increasing, a cacophony that bounces off the walls and straight into his ears, utterly incomprehensible. He can’t stop shivering. 

“Caelus?” Miss Himeko steps forward as well, a frown on her usually relaxed face but she reeks of a hunch . “Welt”, she says, quiet but even, “March told me something before - she wanted to introduce Caelus to you earlier, but he suddenly backed out when she brought him to the Express to meet you. She told me he looked, and I quote ‘really frightened, it totally didn’t fit him, after we’ve seen him fight’ - it can’t be the Express that scares him, now that we're here, so…” The implication goes unspoken. 

Mr. Yang’s eyes widen in surprise, while Asta and Arlan look at Miss Himeko with a slightly lost expression. Dan Heng seems intrigued, expression still neutral but he has stepped closer to the group to not miss anything. 

None of that matters to Caelus right now who’s trying his hardest to get the damn shivering under control - his legs feel like toothpicks about to snap. 

Miss Himeko takes the lead. “Caelus? Can you tell me what it is that scares you so much? Is it - is it Mr. Yang?” 

If he wasn’t in such a precarious situation, nothing would’ve ever gotten him to admit it, because it’s insanely uncool to be afraid of an old man with a cane who seems nothing but polite, kind and helpful. 

He just wants to get out of here, though. So he nods, quickly, without taking his gaze from the ground. 

It's still watching. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. 

Mr. Yang immediately steps back, probably in order to give him some space, though his expression remains taken aback at Caelus' probably incredibly rude reaction to him. He’ll have to apologize so hard for that later. Is he still allowed to board the Express after that? Does he even want to? 

“Okay.” Miss Himeko continues calmly. Her fieriness blankets him in addition to Arlan’s hovering presence and it helps to shield him further from the violent assault of distortion in red and black and helps him ground himself at least a little. “What exactly is it that you feel, Caelus?”

He takes a shaky breath before answering, quiet, so it won't hear him and tear him to shreds.

“His presence… is very… noisy .” Miss Himeko’s brows furrow in an attempt to understand what he means, so Caelus feels the need to elaborate further. “Loud.” He says. “And very dense and constricting. And old, like, old -old.” 

Asta, Arlan and Dan Heng all stare at him with various expressions of interest and bewilderment. Caelus can’t help but kind of feel like one of those fishes Herta uses for her experiments, when her eyes dissect the flailing little fella on the table.

Miss Himeko’s face remains just as  puzzled at his admittedly bad descriptions, but he realizes that everything could also be kind of picked up as an insult against Mr. Yang, and oh Aeons he will need to steal another spaceship to leave the Station, there’s no way the Astral Express - 

“Oh.” Mr. Yang suddenly says. “I think I know where the problem is.”

“You do?” Miss Himeko asks.

“One moment.” Mr. Yang says. He tightens his grip around the cane while his posture straightens up for a moment. And then within the blink of an eye - 

- it’s gone. 

The room shifts from heavy and swirling to pleasantly empty and normal so quickly that Caelus immediately darts his eyes around the room - only to see that there’s not a single speck of it left, as if it was never there to begin with. His body stops shivering immediately and air fills his lungs at a much slower rate than before. 

“What? How- how did you-?” 

“Better now, Caelus?”,Mr.Yang asks kindly. He can only nod dumbfounded. Now that this monstrosity has gone off to who knows where, he can finally take a proper look at Mr. Yang himself. 

What he sees is a man covered in old wisdom, with notes of ink and the soft rustling of papers hanging in the air surrounding him. It’s quiet and a bit somber even but there’s also this wide understanding of things one can only gain by living through them - he can’t hold a candle to this man's wildfire of experience. 

“Thank you.”, He says, sincerely. “And I’m sorry. If you don’t want me on the Express after this I’ll understand- “ 

“Nonsense! We’re taking you with us, no backing out now, Mister!”Miss Himeko interrupts him with a smile. “But now you have to tell me what that was, Welt. What did you do?” 

Mr. Yang adjusts his glasses while everyone waits for him to explain. He’s like a teacher, Caelus thinks, even for the other adults. 

“It’s quite complicated, but I’ll give you a simplified version of it. The reality we live in is very complex - there’s a lot more to it than we can perceive with our own eyes. There are multiple layers of existence overlapping everywhere all the time, each one is like an entirely new reality by itself  -- some of them are connected to us humans, though we can’t even see them ourselves. I know some of these, let’s call them planes , myself, though I can’t really see them either. It’s more of a sensory thing to me. However it seems that Caelus here has a bit of a broader span of vision than your average human and seems to be fully able to perceive at least one additional plane to our regular perception of things. Some of these planes can also be perceived by enemies like the Legion or other non-human organisms, so I use a bit of my -- energy to make myself look like more of a threat than I truly am.” He chuckles, before giving Caelus an apologetic look, “I can’t really see it myself, but it seems to work quite efficiently. My apologies, Caelus. It wasn’t my intention to give our newest member such a scare as a welcoming greeting.” 

Caelus quickly shakes his head. “It’s alright, Mr. Yang! I -- I didn’t know myself what it is that I can see and don’t, so I’m glad to finally have an explanation for it.  I can - I can get used to it too, so if it’s more comfortable for you to have, uh, it out, it should be no problem.” 

That’s a lie. He could never  get used to this abhorrent choir of hell. How will he ever sleep on the express? 

Mr. Yang shakes his head. “That’s not necessary. As I said, it’s a minor precaution from my side, but it’s nothing noteworthy. And I am aware that this… presence isn’t quite the pleasure to be surrounded by, so I will refrain from using it unless absolutely necessary from now on.” 

Oh, Aeons be blessed. 

“Super strength and now super vision too… What else do you have, that we’re all missing out on?”Arlan sighs, but the look he gives Caelus is one of relief. 

“A Stellaron.”, Caelus retorts drily, “Missing out hard there. Really gives that long-desired human feeling to be a literal bomb.”

“Not what I -”, Arlan gives Caelus a little shove and Caelus sticks his tongue out at him. Asta snorts at their antics before she remembers that she’s in front of esteemed guests and schools her expression quickly. 

Dan Heng quietly steps back. Now that the little teaching moment is over, he’s lost his interest again and just seems to be waiting for the day to end so he can get out of everyone's sight again. Impassive impatience, Caelus remembers. He doesn’t have to get along with everyone on the Express, does he?

“Well, that was an interesting lesson, Welt.” Himeko says. Her fascination is amplified by the warmth that radiates in pulses from her. “But it certainly is an explanation for this little incident. I’m glad that we could clear this up, I wouldn’t have wanted you to be frightened on the Express all the time either. Now then.” She clasps her hands together. “Let’s give the Station one last push of our help, so your guest will arrive in a worthy manner.” 

-

From there on out, everything goes pretty smoothly. It’s a nice change of pace for once, but there’s also this little corner in Caelus’ brain that tells him that this was only possible because the Station finally got rid of its biggest problem - himself.

The gold inside him cackles. 

A Stellaron like you is prone to destruction - and destruction comes in many forms. Be glad that the Astral Express really has the experience to deal with the likes of you. 

“Shut up.” he mumbles, and it does, but the guilt he’s feeling for being so much trouble to deal with is his own to carry. 

-

Madame Herta is quick to agree to Miss Himeko asking her if it’s alright to take Caelus with them.

“Oh that’s wonderful.” She says, and Caelus absolutely can’t detect if she’s sincere or not - her presence barely residing in this particular puppet body - it’s clear that her main consciousness still is working in her closed off lab. “That’ll keep the little twerp fresh and sharp - he was beginning to bore me anyway. It’s not like he can learn much from the Station anyways. And I don’t want to take him apart just yet.” 

Mr. Yang, who’s apparently not as used to Herta’s harshness, looks a bit taken aback at her assessment of Caelus, but considering what else she’s already hit him with, it's fairly kind. 

“Next time you’ll come by, the Swarm Disaster Mode should be done completely, you can look forward to that.”

“Oh, great . I love getting milled into ground beef by bugs” Caelus mutters.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. I love bugs.” 

“Good. That would be all, then. I’m busy -- I’ll take my leave.” And with that her presence disconnects from the puppet. 

“It’s official - you’ll become part of the crew!”, Himeko says. “We will leave early in the morning tomorrow, so you’ll have enough time to pick up your belongings and tell everyone on the Station goodbye, Caelus. And don’t forget to talk to March! She’s been mighty excited at the prospect of a new crew member.”

“She should be near the arrival zone.”, Dan Heng adds. “If you want to look for her.”

“Thanks.” Caelus says, and the group splits into smaller parts, scattering to where they are needed. 

- 

He finds March near the Express, where she’s debating with some researchers. She doesn’t notice him approaching but a few of the researchers see him and give him a quick nod to which she turns around and spots him. 

“Caelus!”, she exclaims and her coldness and vibrancy embrace him like a pleasant winter day. “How have you been?” She approaches him and adds, in a quieter tone: “Did you really try to steal a spaceship and escape?” 

Caelus shrinks a little in on himself. “Hi to you too, March. Uh-- yeah. But, uh, that’s old news by now and hopefully everyone will forget that this happened really soon .” He emphasizes that last part in hopes to get his point across. March’s eyes glimmer at him. “No worries. It’s good that you got caught early - Miss Himeko wanted to pick you up from here anyways and I’m glad we don’t have to hunt you down floating somewhere in space.” 

“I - uh, Miss Himeko wanted to pick me up?” He asks. From what he knows, his little stunt got him a place on the Express by pure chance. 

“Yeah! I’ve been waiting for you to join for months! She announced last week that we would be stopping by the Station to finally pick you up. And, ta-da! Here we are.”

“I - I didn’t know that.” Caelus says surprised, “I thought she just invited me on a whim because of my, uh - y’know. I did decline the first time I was asked to join.” 

“I know!”March says with a playful pout, “I can’t believe you refused to travel with the best crew in the galaxy. But you came around, so we’re good.” 

Caelus smiles at her and relishes at how easy it is to converse with her. He’s missed her, he realizes. He’s barely known her for a day but her presence is such a breath of fresh air and he’s glad to get to see more of her in the future. 

They continue chattering and bickering and for once, he feels right where he should be. 

-

Throughout the day Caelus meanders through the various places on the Station. After the nearly three months he’s spent here, he has grown attached to several nooks and crannies and several people as well. 

He catches the giant Wubbabboo and tells him that he’ll leave tomorrow - to which the big one promptly bursts into dozens of small ones which crowd him and cling to him everywhere, all while a choir of whines fills his ears. It takes him a good five minutes to calm them down and another ten to get the last one to finally let go of his leg. 

“Who’s gonna investigate all the mysteries, when you're gone?”Adler says when Caelus passes him to say goodbye. “You’re the only one that did things the way I wanted them to.” 

Caelus can’t help but be a little flattered, though he has to remind himself that it’s a compliment from a child - a very smart , very genius child, but a child nonetheless. He tells him that they’ll come by from time to time and that he’ll investigate for him, whenever he’s here. “You better.”, Adler huffs, before crossing his arms and turning his head away.

See? Just a child. 

The damn rating gun still tells him 84 points and no matter how hard he wraps his mediocre head around it he still can’t figure out what it means. In frustration he flips the gun off, to which the eye narrows and flashes in a malicious red and Caelus decides to get the hell out before the rating gun turns into a killer gun. 

The strange plant mourns his leave as ‘a great loss for the Station’. ‘All these researchers, for all the brains they have, can not remember to water a damn plant once a week!” Caelus promises to regularly text someone on the station to get someone to keep his currently luscious green friend alive. 

He picks up his belongings which are strewn in various rooms, but even within three months on the Station it’s not much. He picks up the clothes he’s had on when he first woke up on the Station - he’s not about to travel the galaxy in a maintenance worker’s uniform, though it would be kind of funny - galactic maintenance batter . Sounds like one of the bad movies he’s watched from the database. 

The pocket watch is still attached to the side of his coat, he notices with relief. If there was one thing that was most likely to be stolen of his belongings it'd have probably been that. He doesn’t really know why he has it and digitized clocks are superior in every way but it’s been with him from the very start - and maybe even longer . A small possible trinket of his past, so he’s not gonna let go of it so easily. 

It feels right when it slips into his hands after he’s put his coat back on. 

-

Asta throws a backpack into his hands the next morning when they’re all standing at the railway platform. It takes a moment for Caelus to realize but - “Asta!” he hisses, “Is that the one I took -- I can’t take this one! It’s like, worth three-hundred thousand credits!” 

March’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head after hearing this number and stares at the backpack in disbelief. “What is this thing made of?” She asks skeptically. Asta just shakes her head decidedly. “I know you found it in the trash compactor. It was actually me who purchased it, but I realized two days later that the newest model was about to come out the next week -- with additional features! So I had no use for it, but if you still like it though it’s outdated, i want you to have it -- or I can just buy you the newest model if you-” 

“No.”, Caelus says hastily, “No, don't buy me anything .” After the three months he’s been on the Station he’s grown accustomed to Asta’s unconventional spending habits- and how they’re directly correlated to Arlan’s monthly migraines. He’s not about to contribute to them. 

“Then take it! Those models are great - they fit a lot more on the inside than they look on the outside. It’s some super highly advanced IPC tech, it’s really convenient for shopping.” 

March ‘Ohh’s’ at the explanation, before nudging his side. “You should take it. If not for yourself, then for me.”

“March.” Dan Heng chides, but it lacks bite. It lacks any semblance of emotion, to be fair. March just sticks his tongue out at him, to which the other just sighs. 

He still hesitates. Taking stolen goods for himself does not sound like an optimal start for a fresh new beginning. “Are you sure you want to give it to me ?” he asks. 

And then Asta slams both hands into her hips and raises her voice. “Listen here, Caelus. you’re about to leave the Station behind and you will be gone for who-knows-how-long, and that means you’re no longer running around here and doing things or find things on the Station or help Arlan with repairs or chat with me about movies so the least I can do is give-- you-- this -- backpack!” Asta’s voice shrills and stumbles at the end and she starts blinking faster. She harrumphs. "So, take it.” 

“Ast - Uh, Lead Researcher Asta, wants you to have it, so you have something to remember the Station by. It’s her way of saying she’ll miss you on the Station.” Arlan translates.

Asta turns in indignation. “As if you don’t!”, she exclaims, “Wasn’t it yesterday when you came to me all gloomy and sad and were like ‘Oh, the Station’s going to be so quiet without Cae-’”

“I -- wasn’t gloomy and sad ! I was just -- pondering!”

“How dare you deny it! Pondering my -”

Caelus feels a warm tingly feeling rise in his chest. Not exactly a swell of heart considering he’s missing one, but he knows he’s oh so going to miss them.

“I’ll miss you guys too.” He says, for once not caring if showing emotions out in the open could be seen as lame or childish. It’s the truth, simple as that. 

Asta breaks off her tirade before barely suppressing a sniffle, grabs Arlan’s arm and pulls them all into a big hug. Caelus is surrounded by soft lilac and sparkling blue and together they make a breathtaking pastel galaxy that’ll stick with him for a long time. 

“Aww!”, March coos, “You guys are so cute! We promise we will take good care of Caelus. Right, Dan Heng?”

Dan Heng just makes a non-committal noise. Too bad, Caelus can’t see his expression right now, being crushed by Asta and Arlan, but it’s probably one of his many flavors of neutral. 

She finally lets go of them and he’s sure she has as much physical prowess as he has, because his back has cracked at least two times.

“Who’s gonna talk to the plants now?” Asta jokes weakly, voice still a bit rough.  Both March and Dan Heng exchange a quick glance before they shoot him a questioning look which makes the heat in Caelus’ cheeks rise. How does she even know?

“The cameras see everything in the public spaces, Caelus.” Arlan says, definitely with a grin in his voice. Oh, he said that out loud. Asta laughs. 

Not knowing what to say to throw off the allegations he crosses his arms and waits for the embarrassment to subside. 

“Wow!” March says, staring at him. “Your face gets really red.” 

Immediately, Caelus’ hands shoot up to cover his cheeks. He knows that because his blood is decidedly more on the bright orange side - Stellaron, as Herta curtly put it - it shows really well . That’s why he has to avoid getting embarrassed which he’s utterly failing right now. He’s taking it back - this emotionally unadjusted body sucks.

Come on, go back to normal. 

“No need to call out the obvious, March” Dan Heng chimes in and Caelus wants to turn around and thank him, when he adds: “Though you’re right. Very…saturated” and is Dan Heng making fun of him too? 

He can’t tell at all, he’s just as deadpanning as Herta and she’s serious most of the time. It sounds more like an assessment. A rude one at that. 

You don’t have to get along with everyone on the Express, he reminds himself. 

-

Speaking of which - when he boards the Express, he has to stop for a moment to take it all in. The inside is way larger than what it looks from the outside and the parlor car, no, the whole train breathes. It’s slow and steady, gentle exhales of memory and time and it fills the train with an air, light and brilliant, that is positively divine . 

Miss Himeko smiles at his dazed expression. “What do you think?” she asks. 

“It looks great! Is… is the train alive?” 

Miss Himeko gives him an intrigued look. “Not that I know. What makes you say that?” 

“I-- uh.” Caelus hesitates. Isn’t it weird of him to ask if not even the Astral Express Members seem to notice? But Miss Himeko gives him an encouraging look and Caelus can feel her curiosity flame up. “I can hear it breathing. Its breath fills the air all around the train -- it looks very pretty.” 

She gives him a wistful look. “That sounds wonderful, Caelus. I wish I could see that for myself. But I’m very happy you like it.” 

He takes his time to look around the spotless parlor car. The sofas are just as plush as he imagined and the plants are well cared for. 

“I’ve heard you like the atmosphere of the Express! I’m glad you like it - However! I make the rules! And you better stick to the rules!”

He turns around to face the cheeky sounding voice, only to see nothing. 

“Over here! Look down!” 

What? Caelus’ eyes fall on this -- creature? Being? And notices that it carries the exact same air as the Express-- almost as if they’re one. 

“I’m Pompom, the conductor! Did you hear what I just said?” 

And Caelus gets his first lecture about wiping your shoes outside before you enter the Express, please and thank you! 

-

March and Caelus stand by the windows near the parlor car when the train takes off. They’re both wildly waving back at Asta and Arlan and Madame Herta too, who turns around in disinterest the second the train begins to move. As weird as it may sound, he’s going to miss her too -- while her bluntness was hurtful on the worst of days, her earnesty allowed for a few moments of genuine appreciation from her side that stuck with him. 

The train is something he’s never experienced before and he soaks it up like a sponge. The rattling and the low vibration of the moving vehicle feel very different to the occasional floating sway the Space Station has. It causes the atmosphere in the train to swirl and dance and Caelus feels that the Express is happiest when on its journey. 

Maybe he can be too.

And then they’re out of the Station’s limited artificial atmosphere and Caelus gets his first look at the vastness of the universe. 

It’s immense. There’s not much yet at the same time it’s filled with the smallest of things, all of different origin. There’s multiple things there where he isn’t sure if it counts as a presence or something much grander. They mix, causing the stars to shine, sometimes pleasant and illuminating and sometimes in anger and conflict. 

It’s so much more than all the science fiction movies combined he’s watched on the station -- they 're only able to picture space, not capture it in its entirety. 

“Counting stars?” A cheerful voice interrupts his inner poetic waxing and he turns in surprise, where March is grinning at him with a mixture of joy and smugness. 

“It’s awesome, right? You could have seen this way sooner too, that’s on you though.”

“It’s incredible.” Caelus says, “There’s so much out there -- can the Express really reach everything?”

“Probably not within a lifetime, but I’m sure it can! This was Akivili’s entire belief after all.”

Akivili -- Caelus remembers Miss Himeko telling him about the Aeon that protects the train and its passengers, protects the ones traveling no matter the cause, protects the trailblaze. 

He wonders whether the divine atmosphere of the train could be their doing but recalls that the Aeon has disappeared a long time ago. Still, if what he sees are remnants of the Trailblaze , he can’t imagine how it must’ve been like when the Aeon was still around. 

“Hello? Air to Caelus, is someone home?” March asks amused. “Sorry.” He says quickly. He really has to stop zoning out in conversations -- it’s just hard when everything floods his brain at once. How do people filter that stuff? Maybe he just lacks experience which wouldn’t be surprising considering he’s like three months old. 

“I just --” He begins, then hesitates. Is it alright to tell March about his drive for the journey? Will she tell him that there’s no space for something so selfish on the express? That he should’ve looked on his own if that was his main ordeal in boarding the Express? But then the essence of March hits him, cool and understanding, acceptance wide like clear winter skies. 

He trusts March. It’s a choice he made.

“ -- I wonder if there’s something or someone out there that explains… why someone like me exists. Why, uh, you know.” He points at his chest. “And since I don’t remember a thing, if I - existed in some other way before. Since I - uh, this body has been existing for like -- three months in total?” 

March looks at him in bewilderment. “Wait.” she asks incredulously, “You only existed for three months? I thought you just had total memory loss, like me?” 

“Yeah, Herta told me- wait what do you mean like you? ”

They both stare at each other, slowly realizing that there might be something that connects them further together. 

“Alright, I’ll start!”, March says.  She looks out the window towards all the stars when she begins to narrate. 

“The first thing and the very last thing I remember are lights. Soft lights, endless and spread out everywhere. And then the cold - when I finally woke up. I came to myself on the Express  - they rescued me, since I was… floating in space all alone in a giant block of six-phased ice for who-knows-how-long. It only started to thaw once the Express laid their hands on it. Before it was untouched for an undetermined amount of time, never changing, never breaking. I don’t -- I don’t even truly know how old I am.” March laughs, but there’s an insecurity hidden behind it. “I can not remember a thing. Not my name, not my past, nothing. Everyone on the Express was wondering if I'd get my memories back within a couple of days, but after weeks and months it was clear that that…wasn’t going to happen.” She smiles at him. 

“So I’ve named myself after the day I got to live again. March 7th, at your service!” She gives a playful salute. 

Caelus understands now - the immense sadness he felt when he jumped in front of the Doomsday Beast right before it was about to strike her. She’s had her life taken away from her once before - it would break her heart if it was taken from her twice. 

“But.”, March continues, uncharacteristically quiet, “I still sometimes wonder --  who was I before? Where did I come from? What happened to me to end up like this? Was I… a bad person and cast away? I keep looking, though sometimes I’m afraid of what I might find. The Express is my best shot to find what I’m looking for - and my best shot to live .” She sighs and shakes her head. “Until then I’ll make the galaxy unsafe with my camera, together with everyone on the Express.” 

She gives Caelus a big grin. “So, that’s my super cool, mysterious background! Like a movie, don’t you think? But, your turn now -- What did you mean with only existed for three months? ” 

Caelus shrugs. “Herta told me that. That day, the security footage from the time of the Legion’s attack was deleted by an external party -- but there’s absolutely no record of me being on the station beforehand. It’s like I popped out of nowhere during that time frame. And Herta did something scienc-y to figure out how my cells and my body were constructed where she noticed that every single part of my body has the exact same age - the day the Legion attacked the Station.”

He stares at his hands, still impossibly smooth. “So I don’t have memory loss, but uh, no memories at all . My - my body knows the basic functions and I seem to have some experience in fighting -- that’s when my body seems to remember something. But it’s limited so some things are not as - obvious to me as they probably should be.” 

Caelus furrows his brows. “There’s something else in Herta’s report -- though I was created three months ago, the body… had a - a template. I feel like the little memory it has left comes from whoever I was created after. If I find them, maybe I’ll find why I was made.” 

He turns towards March who’s listening intently to his rambling. “Is that selfish? To come with you to pursue my own things?” He asks, quietly. 

March decidedly shakes her head. “No.” She says and suddenly, there’s the feeling of softly falling snow enveloping the parlor car. Caelus has never seen real snow, but it’s wonderfully calming. He wonders if the real thing is just like this. 

“The Express”, March says, “Is a place for everyone . As long as you abide by the rules of the Trailblaze, you are welcome to travel. Everyone here is weird, has secrets or things they don’t talk about. I mean, you’ve met Dan Heng, haven't you?” 

Caelus raises an eyebrow at that. 

“Exactly! He’s been on the Express for a while now and only very recently has opened up a little. Which means he now says six words a day instead of three.”

Caelus snorts. So his initial impression wasn’t wrong. 

“Still he’s part of the Express. That’ll never change unless he himself decides to leave. So, don’t worry about your own ambitions, Caelus! I for one think I get you pretty well -- we’re not that different from each other. I fully support you in your goal -- as long as you fully support me!” 

Caelus feels a red and smooth weight lifted from his shoulders. Maybe Silk was wrong after all -- maybe finding who he was is part of his journey. He can’t say it feels wrong when even gold blossoms in his chest in a comfortable way, instead of feeling dreadful as usual. Maybe this is the right choice too. 

See? Gold purrs. One step at a time. One step closer to the end. 

“I’ll help you out where I can.” Caelus says, and he means it. Everything to keep that softly floating snow alive and happy, he swears to himself. “Thank you, March. You’ve been the biggest help so far.” 

“Ha! Finally I’m appreciated! You better stay on the Express and keep that going!” 

Caelus laughs and March’s smile lights up the whole parlor car. 

-

Not only is March incredibly bubbly, accepting and kind - she’s also the proud, stubborn owner of stupid but very tempting ideas, Caelus learns. 

The train’s about to warp jump and March apparently does that thing where she tries to combat the forces of inertia and remain standing during the warp despite the multiple sound warnings from Pompom. 

It sounds like it could hurt real bad when something goes wrong and it also sounds very fun. If the nausea from the warp doesn’t knock him out -- he’s yet to figure out whether he’s cut out for space travel -- he will absolutely join in the next time. 

The train jumps and when Caelus opens his eyes March sits unceremoniously on the ground with a massive pout. 

“I’ve almost had it!” She cries out. “But that last adjustment to the railway after the jump totally got me!” 

Oh, he’s so trying this too. 

-

March shows him her room on the Express which looks very much like an extension of her and particularly emphasizes the wall of pictures where multiple faces and places Caelus has never seen before are shown. 

“Where’s that?” He asks and March takes a deep breath to bombard him with colorful stories of worlds he can only dream to visit one day too. 

There’s also pictures of the members of the Astral Express - Miss Himeko peacefully sipping her coffee, Mr. Yang reading in the parlor car with a sleeping Pompom next to him - but one picture catches his attention. It’s a selfie taken by March in a foreign city - it shows both her bright smile and Dan Heng who’s -- smiling too? It’s hard to tell because this is as far as it goes in the gray zone of ambiguity of whether a slight upward curve of the mouth counts as a smile or not. 

“So he can look anything else but annoyed.” Caelus says. March snorts. “That one took four attempts. But he liked it too and asked me to send it to him afterwards! A major breakthrough in the recognition of my photography skills!” 

It’s a good picture, he muses, a nice memory of what must’ve been a relaxing day. He wonders if he’ll be in a few pictures too from now on. He’d enjoy that -- it kind of would… solidify his existence. A proof that he was there. 

“You should visit him!” March interrupts his drifting thoughts. “He’s right next to me, his room is the Archive of the Express -- well, he just claimed it for himself instead of getting his own room like he was offered. Weirdo.” She shakes her head fondly. 

Caelus looks at her, unsure. “I -- uh, don’t think he’d appreciate visitors after a full day on the Station. He looked like every second he had to hang around others was putting him in agony, but like quietly.” 

March bursts into laughter. “I can’t believe Dan Heng already messed up his first impression before you two even got to properly talk to each other.”, she wheezes. “He’s so bad with people when it comes to introductions and stuff.” She squeezes his shoulders. “You should absolutely go say hi! And anyways: The Archive is open to the passengers -- so you’re not intruding or anything. That’s my main excuse every time I go to his room.” 

And that’s how he finds himself in front of Dan Heng’s room, the Archive of the train, nervously pacing in front of it, not knowing if he should knock or leave it be. He can’t feel anything from behind the door - most of the time he can at least tell that someone is there, though he can’t always tell who it is. But here the room just seems empty and he wonders if Dan Heng’s maybe in the parlor car, though that’s unlikely or maybe he’s in the trains’ showers -- 

“Who’s there?” 

Caelus trips and almost slams his face into the door. 

“It’s - it’s me. Uh, Caelus.”, he says after getting both of his feet on the ground again. “I -- I was told I should check out the rest of the train, but the Archive is your room, so…”

There’s a short pause and Caelus is about to call it a day when -

“...Come in. The door’s open.” 

He hesitantly enters the room. The Archive is a spacious yet cramped place due to shelves upon shelves of books, pamphlets and scrolls all neatly stored and labeled. There’s an electronic database too, with multiple open windows where Dan Heng seemed to be working on scanning some pages. The room has a feeling of age and foreignness and Caelus isn’t sure if it comes from the train itself or from the documents thrifted from throughout the galaxy. 

Dan Heng has interrupted his work and watches him intently which makes Caelus even more nervous than he was before entering. Damn his silent observer shtick , he isn’t some kind of zoo animal that needs his behavioral patterns analyzed! 

“Hi.”, He says awkwardly when Dan Heng still makes no attempt to communicate after letting him into his room. “March told me to check out the Archive -- I’m just gonna have a quick look around and then leave, okay? Sorry for interrupting…whatever you were doing.” 

The atmosphere in the room stretches like spiderwebs, stretched taut and on the verge of snapping.

“You’re not disturbing me.” Dan Heng then finally says. It sounds very much like Caelus was, in fact, disturbing him. “The Archive is a public space. You can come in whenever you want.”, he continues. It rather sounds like he’s reminding himself of the fact that the place he chose to stay in isn’t entirely private. Caelus wishes he could read Dan Heng better, but he’s as flavorless as always so he can’t even tell if he’s about to get thrown out of the Archive comic-book style. 

“The books and everything are public too.”, Dan Heng says, “So you’re free to take any of them with you - borrowed, of course. I ask you to put everything you take back at the exact same spot you took it from -- organizing this place took a lot of time.” 

Caelus nods, not tempted in the slightest to take anything with him. If there’s a nick on a single page from a book he’s borrowed, he’ll probably be banned forever. Not to mention if he ever were to lose something he takes. 

“And”, he emphasizes, as if reading Caelus’ thoughts, “Everything you take must be put back once you’re done.” There’s something accusatory in his voice, though very, very slight but Caelus gets the jist of it -- Dan Heng doesn’t trust him with any of the documents. 

“I’m not going to take something from the Archive for myself.”, He says defensively, lifting both his hands. “I know that this stuff belongs to the Express.” 

Dan Heng raises an eyebrow at him. “Well, that’s good. I just heard you have a…history of stealing things, according to what I’ve been told on Herta Space Station.”, he says nonchalantly. 

Excuse me?

Caelus opens his mouth, then closes it again. This admittedly has caught him very off guard. He feels the embarrassment spreading to his face and balls his hands into fists. The worst part isn’t even the prejudice of being seen as a thief, the worst part is that Dan Heng’s not wrong. Still, that was a little uncalled for, was it?

“He’s so bad with people!” March had said. 

Caelus takes a deep breath, though his cheeks still sting with heat. Okay, he tells himself, so the issue is, Dan Heng’s worried about the archive and he does unfortunately have a history of stealing -- and he needs to clarify some things here. Clear his name. 

“I -- don’t plan on doing anything like that again.” Caelus presses out. “That was a one time thing and a one time thing only .”

“Okay then.” Dan Heng says after another tense stretch of silence, voice still completely neutral. It’s so hard to tell what he’s thinking -- it’s like staring at a massive wall, knowing that there’s something lurking behind it but being unable to tell what it is.

“I just wanted to make sure. I care a lot about the Archive, so pardon me if I came off as rude. Though-”, Dan Heng narrows his eyes, “Now that you’re warned I will not take kindly to a repeated offense.” 

The shame in Caelus’ body reaches its peak. He doesn't even want to know what his face looks like with all the heat flaring up. It feels like an unwanted prickling covering his insides and additionally the prickling has gotten a golden tint to it, coloring his discomfort in amusement. 

A thief! Gold laughs inside of him. What would your mirror think of you? 

Dan Heng crosses his arms, attention already back to the desk where he's been working at. “But for now, feel free to take a look around. Ask if you-”

“No thanks.” , Caelus interrupts. 

And with that he turns around and marches out the Archive without looking back. He closes the door with probably a little more force than he should. 

You don’t have to get along with everyone on the Express, he repeats to himself, while heading to the train cart furthest away from the Archive. You get along with March, Miss Himeko and hopefully Mr.Yang too. That’s enough. 

The accusation, true as it is, still stings and Caelus bites his nails in frustration while Gold clogs his throat and Silk remains elusively silent. 

The sleep he falls into on a chair in the last wagon of the train is light and restless. 

Chapter Text

A light pitter-patter in front of his door halts his movements. The desk he’s been working at is still littered with papers waiting to be scanned and sorted, but he’s once again interrupted, so it seems. His internal sigh is heavy and tired. At least he can make out who it is this time. 

“What do you want, March?” 

The door immediately opens, this time without any hesitation. “I know that you know that I’m outside. But could you please let me knock first? It’s giving me a heart attack every time you call out my name before you even see me!” March puts her hands on her hips. 

“No can do.” Dan Heng says. March sighs. “Weirdo.”, she mutters. He graciously ignores it. The faster he plays along with her whims, the faster he can get back to work. So -

“What is it?”

“...You're a pleasure to be around today, aren’t you?”, March says unfazed at his rather dismissive tone. “Actually, I’m looking for Caelus -- We’re going to arrive at Jarilo-VI in a few hours and I wanted to go with him through the basics of trailblazing . But I can’t find him! He’s not in the parlor car and not anywhere else -- since I told him to check out the Archive I thought he was hanging out with you.” March furrows her brows. “But that’s not the case. Huh. I could’ve sworn he would like the Archive. Was he here before and said where he was going?” 

She looks around the room, as if Caelus would magically manifest in the middle of it, if she wishes hard enough. 

“He was here before. An hour ago or so. I explained the rules of the Archive to him. He left… rather quickly, so I don’t think he likes it very much.”  Dan Heng is about to turn back to his desk. “I don’t know where he went. But you two have fun trailblazing later.” 

He’s about to resume his work - still sixty-eight pages left - when a cold hand with a surprisingly hefty grip grabs his shoulder and forcibly turns him around. March stands in front of him, her face slightly exasperated. 

“...What?”, he says. 

“ Dan Heng.” , she says, voice eerily calm which instantly alerts him, “ What did you tell him?” 

Dan Heng looks at her, slightly taken aback. “ - what do you mean?” 

“Just tell me exactly what you said to him. Recalling stuff is your strength right?”, her grip tightens, “Do tell.” 

“Let go first.”, he says, still not entirely sure what has gotten into March - he feels like he’s being accused of something but he can’t figure out what she’s on about. He sighs. Sometimes her randomness is just a little … much . 

Let’s get this over with as quickly as possible.

He recounts. 

-

When he finishes, the look March gives him is one of absolute appalment. She buries her head in her hands where she releases a long, suffering sigh. 

“So, let me get this straight: Caelus came by to say hi and the first thing you did is accuse him of being a thief?! ” 

Dan Heng winces. It admittedly does sound pretty bad when she puts it like that. But it wasn’t that bad, was it? 

She wrings her hands. “Aeons, Dan Heng. That’s a new low, even for you. He saved my life , you know?” 

“I just told him that he too has to follow the rules of the Express and the Archive. I wanted to make sure he got that.”, he says, a bit defensively. He’s just doing his duty - it’s not his problem if Caelus is sensitive about his own faults. 

“But did you even say something like: ‘Hello, welcome to the Archive of the Express. I’m the one looking after it, feel free to come by anytime?’ Or something?” March says shrilly. 

“I told him that he wasn’t disturbing me.” 

March facepalms. “Oh no.” 

“What’s wrong with that?”, he says, now really a bit annoyed. Way to make it sound like he made a terrible mistake. 

 “Usually, nothing.”, March says, “But you very likely said that in that Dan Heng-way of yours, which means it came across as if he was very much bothering you.” 

“I just said it normally .”

“Yeah. Exactly.” She gives him another suffering look. “No offense, Dan Heng. But you’re the type of person that has to put in a little effort to not sound like your conversation partner is a nuisance. Particularly if it’s someone who doesn’t know you at all.” 

Dan Heng looks to the side, slightly pressing his lips together. He’s not… great with people and he knows that. That’s one of the reasons why he keeps his interactions with others to a minimum. Still, he didn’t expect to get chewed out by March of all people. 

Which means he messed up above the regular amount which she just lets slide. Which means -

“You’re gonna fix this, right?” March says, narrowing her eyes at him. 

Oh no.

His aversion to her suggestion must show on his usually pretty well-schooled expression, because she steps closer. 

“ Dan Heng.” Her voice is sharp. She leans forward until she’s almost face to face with him. “You’re gonna fix this, right? ” It’s not a question. 

“ - I don’t have to get along with everyone on the Express.” He says, maybe a little petty. It’s just - people are hard and irrational and he’s not getting anything out of it when he has to leave them behind one day anyways, so why put in the effort? For nothing? 

But that was apparently the wrong thing to say because March gapes at him before taking a deep breath. 

"You-!” Her usually pale face gains a slightly pink tint from being upset. “ You’re aware that Caelus isn’t just some hop-on-hop-off passenger on the Express, right? Miss Himeko told us from the beginning that he’ll travel with us at some point, for an unknown amount of time -  which is a while , as far as I know. And you -” , she points at his chest, “ - are one of the longest traveling guests on the Express.”

He opens his mouth to protest but March quickly shuts him down. “No, you listen to me now. I don’t care if ‘you’re leaving soon’ or ‘you don’t plan on staying here much longer’. Fact is, you’ve been here longer than I am and for all your plans on leaving, I don’t see much of it. “

Dan Heng internally grits his teeth. It’s true that he’s far underestimated his stay on the Express - it helps that no one here questions his motives, his reasons or his character as long as he abides by the rather simple rules of the train. And -- as much as it is against everything he should stand for, he’s grown attached to the Express, at least a little. 

And I have nowhere else to go. 

As for Caelus - Miss Himeko insisted he come with them, be it sooner or later. The first time she offered, he declined, only for her to announce in the already departed train that they’ll come by and pick him up a few months later. 

He asked her later: “Do you want to look after the Stellaron within him? The Space Station is usually equipped to handle minor Legion attacks. And built to deal with a Stellaron, even if it breaks loose.”

She had only smiled at him. “The reason I want to take him with us is for everything that he is except the Stellaron.” 

He can’t say he understands her reasoning. But the Express is the place she created for the ones with nowhere to be. So he trusts her decision, nevertheless. 

March still stares him down and takes his silence as an act of defiance. He stares back -- in a way he is protesting against her decision. Not out of malice, just self-preservation. And March is dead set on getting the shell he’s so carefully crafted for … longer than just mere years to crack. 

It’d be a lie to deny the countless tears forming on the surface of it. 

March has enough of his stubborn silence and suddenly her eyes glint mischievously. 

“You know what?”, she says challengingly and Dan Heng knows she’s about to give him a headache. “Miss Himeko will be delighted to hear that you can’t wait to explore and categorize the wildlife on Jarilo-VI! You know, us three young people should stick together! I’ll go tell her right now.”

Dan Heng shoots up from his seat. “Wait, March-” 

She bolts out of the Archive.  

He tries to follow her -- if he can catch her in the hallway and talk her out of it -

The door doesn’t open. 

What? 

The handle feels cold. Inspecting the hinges he realizes it’s completely jammed with someone's six-phased ice. 

“March!”, he yells through the door, unable to hide the exasperation in his voice now. 

“Sorry!”, she yells back. “But duty calls!” She halts for a second. “...At least try to get along with him, please?”, she asks, quieter. He groans. 

“Thanks!”, she says, knowing she’s won. And with that her feather-light footsteps carry her away from the Archive to the parlor car. 

Dan Heng leans his front on the still cool door of the Archive in defeat. 

Well then. 

He can’t say he looks forward to it. 

-

For all the things Caelus has been told about Jarilo-VI, it being a giant block of ice floating in space was not one of them. He stares at the white and gray planet in fascination - it appears vastly different, a bit forlorn even to the vibrant brilliance of The Blue near Herta Space Station. It carries loneliness on its surface, the planet lamenting in silence.

Miss Himeko looks at the planet with quiet commiseration. She too was surprised to see the once prospering planet change for the worse so drastically. And then - 

The train shakes . Violently so. Caelus tumbles to the ground at the sudden movement while the others barely manage to remain standing themselves. The atmosphere in the train starts winding, not in joy anymore but if trying to wiggle its way out of the grip of something vicious. 

“Star rail stability down!”, the conductor exclaims. “We can’t safely go any further until the source of the blockage has been found and contained.” 

Miss Himeko, Mr. Yang and March all exchange a knowing look. Caelus looks between them, a little lost as to what seems so obvious. 

“The Railway is most likely blocked by the influence of a Stellaron on the planet. Though that Stellaron must have festered for a while now if its influence reaches the Star Rail this far away.”, Mr. Yang explains after seeing his puzzled expression. Caelus’ eyes widen at the revelation. Could it be -

“Is it…me?” he asks, hesitantly. He currently can’t feel anything coming from him, but that could also be him not registering how the Stellaron in his body presents itself to the outside. 

Miss Himeko shakes her head. “No, it’s not you. You don’t need to worry, Caelus. The Stellaron within you is safely stored and currently inactive. This is a different one that has been freely causing havoc on Jarilo-VI for hundreds of years now. It’s vastly different from you.  However, it means we have to go down and secure it, in order for the Star Rail to stabilize itself and for us to travel further.” 

He’s sure her words meant comfort, but the planet in front of him has gone from green and prospering to an unrecognizable image of itself - all because of a familiar seed of destruction that’s also housing in his chest. It fills him with dread, yet there’s the part of him that slyly coats his insides with a paradoxical amount of excitement at the prospect of the planet falling apart. 

Closer to the end! Something merry says inside of him, be proud of your kin! 

Caelus frowns in confusion. He doesn’t understand -- this joy scares him, yet it’s his. The conflicting feelings float loosely around in his body, always slipping out of his grasp when he tries to catch them to understand them.

Is this another instance of his body not knowing how to handle emotion properly? It has to be. He can’t be that …malicious in nature, right? 

A giggle. If it helps you sleep at night. 

He shivers. That was -- his own voice. Was it? It certainly sounded like it. Caelus grits his teeth, both in rising anger and frustration. His body confuses him more and more with each passing day and no one will be able to give him a satisfying answer as to why -- how could they know anything if not even he himself knows what’s wrong with him. 

His insides have slowly, slowly been taking on colors he’s never seen before - hues of gold, gray and red, sometimes magenta and sometimes vermillion in hue and he feels like his own colorlessness is piece by piece being covered by layers of paint, buried underneath and fading into the background. 

A canvas for something greater. Whether he wants to be, doesn't matter. 

Caelus stares at the quiet, suffering planet called Jarilo-VI. It’s been coated as well, been forced to hide its once luscious self underneath a heavy layer of endless snow and ice but not the gentle kind. It didn’t want to become this way, never asked for a fate like this. It didn’t have a choice as far as he knows but -- he does. 

He needs a lead, a thread guiding him forward. On the Space Station Silk was wrapped around his hands, pulling him along before it slipped away. But now he can spin his own red thread, woven out of his own choices. 

He needs to see the Stellaron for himself. It’ll be the first fragment of his mirror image scattered across the universe. He just might have to live with not liking what he sees, when the time comes. But this is a chance he’s willing to take. 

-

Trailblazing expedition of the Stellaron kind,  as the Express likes to call it, consists of three members going to the source of the problem themselves while the others keep a watchful eye from afar, intervening with external force if necessary. Caelus can’t really gauge if this is safe or not so he doesn’t say much against it either. He’s just glad he’s been chosen to go. 

He gives March a big smile, when she announces her excitement to go see a new planet and decidedly does not look in Dan Heng’s general direction, earlier conversation still lingering in traces on his skin. 

He wonders why Miss Himeko decided to send him along when Mr. Yang seems way more on board with helping them on the outside. Dan Heng’s frown is deeper than usual, very clearly not looking forward to what’s better than three young people going on an adventure? 

It doesn’t matter to March, who’s tugging them along off the train once the doors open. 

“Let’s go!”, she cheers. 

Maybe it’s not going to be that bad, no? 

-

Well, standing in the drab, icy valley close to where the train is stationed, the true lifelessness enclosing the planet comes into view full force. Desolate, winds howling with a mocking voice, tearing at their clothes, their iron grip only slipping due to the trailblaze simmering around them. 

It’s his first time seeing real snow too -- and it’s nothing like March and the kind of cold she represents. This cold is malevolent, flakes not soft and cottony but sharp and cruel on their journey to solidify themselves on the ground. It’s an oppressing cold, so incredibly different from what March is like that for a moment he doubts that both the thing he saw and the thing he sees right now are the same -- snow . Still he buries his hands in it , the frozen stars pricking his hand, leaving them angrily red. He stares at them in fascination. 

Thankfully, the cold feels decidedly less biting than it looks -- Path of the nameless , March had explained to him earlier, reciting what Mr. Yang told her on her first expedition. Forces of Nature are not the ones deciding a journey's end, according to Akivili - that’s why the constitution of a planet is rarely the issue for us. There are exceptions of course, but just simple frost isn’t one. People, however… -

“Huh?”, March says, voice a little wobbly. “How is it still so cold? Normally there shouldn’t be anything, even the Tundra on Hellem didn’t bother us at all!” 

Dan Heng, also not entirely comfortable with the cold, gives her a thoughtful look. “Hellem wasn’t afflicted with a Stellaron”, he says, “And since a Stellaron isn’t a force of nature but rather… aeonic intervention one way or another, it could be that the coldness we’re still feeling is its doing.” 

“So not even the trailblaze is safe from a Stellaron.” March mutters to herself before she quickly turns towards Caelus. “Nothing against you, though! You’re my favorite Stellaron we’ve met so far!” 

Caelus raises his eyebrow at her but fails to hide his smile at her announcement. She’s such a blast. 

“Hey, stop looking so smug! You can lose that status really fast if you don’t keep up with giving me the recognition all my work deserves.” 

“Which work?”, Dan Heng mutters which causes March to smack his arm. Caelus snorts. 

“The work I’m doing in the shadows to save your unsociable --” 

“Tch.” Dan Heng interrupts, decisively looking away. If it wasn’t for him being, well, Dan Heng , Caelus would’ve guessed he’s embarrassed, but given who he’s looking at that seems unlikely. He feels like he’s missing a piece here. 

They thread forward through the thick, frozen solid snow. It slows them down tremendously, every step taking thrice the effort to make. It’s endless gray everywhere and the ravine surrounding them narrows like a maw closing in, ready to swallow them whole never to let go. It’s unsettling - neither of them try to make light of their situation. 

The whole valley is so drenched with bitter coldness tearing at them that Caelus doesn’t even notice the fresh note in the air until they’ve almost passed it. At first he thinks it’s just his imagination but then another gust of wind, biting and scratching comes by and he’s sure there’s someone or something there. It's quite peculiar, he feels, neither entirely friendly nor ill-willed. Looking doesn’t reveal anything on the canvas of various shades of white so decides to blindly trust his senses and walks into the snow. 

“Hey!”March yells at him through the howling wind when she realizes he’s getting off their chosen path - not that there was really one to begin with. “Where are you going? We should stick together! Tell us when you’re going somewhere!”

Caelus turns back at her, her silhouette almost disappearing within the stark snowfall. “Sorry!” He yells back. “But I think I found something!” He continues wading forward lest he loses the trace from his sight. 

“Caelus, wait! What is it that you found? It could be dangerous, be careful and wait for us!” March. 

“Careful, March. Don’t fall.” Dan Heng.

“I don’t know what it is! But I don’t want it to run away!” Caelus yells. “I don’t think it's dangerous, though.” 

“Just wait. ” Dan Heng, sounding firm and a bit strict. At that Caelus halts, not too fond of ruining his reputation of himself further than he already has, though he doubts it can get much worse anyway. 

After a minute or two, the two have caught up to him. “What did you find?”March asks, a bit breathless. The tip of her nose has turned a bright pink from the cold. 

“Not here, a bit further up.”, he says, pointing to his left. The two of them look at his chosen direction. 

“There’s just…snow.” Dan Heng says, skeptically. 

“I mean I can’t see it either”, Caelus clarifies, “But something’s there. It’s hard to describe -- I think most of all I smell it.” 

Dan Heng and March exchange looks, a bit hesitant. “And, uh.”, March starts, “What do you, uh, smell?”

Caelus stops for a second to describe it. It’s green and yellow but with shadows of deep blue and red. It’s fresh yet older than it seems and a bit spicy too --

“Mischief.” He says. 

His two companions stare at him, confused.  “Mischief?” March says incredulously. 

Dan Heng narrows his eyes, another thing he does quite a lot, Caelus notices. Particularly at him. “And what does… mischief smell like?”, he asks inquiringly. 

Caelus feels antsy at the presence slowly ebbing off into the snow and he fears losing its traces soon if he doesn’t look for it further right now, so he says: “Lemonade and gunpowder.”, then turns around and walks further ahead. It’s the truth -- at least it’s the closest he could describe it as. 

He can feel them exchange another long look behind his back and tries not to dwell on being weird one out -- he’s used to it after all. Instead he focuses on pinpointing that fluttery thing in the snow. It remains stationary he realizes, but it's trying to hide itself, curling in on itself making the smallest surface possible. 

After a minute of further walking, he’s sure he’s found it. He looks at the plane of deep, even snow in front of him. It’s right there, slightly shivering as if cold and -- nervous? Maybe he shouldn’t scare it. 

“Hello?”, he asks, not too loud. “Can you hear me?” 

His companions, now caught up to him, stare wordlessly at the plane of snow first before they wordlessly begin to stare at him. “Dan Heng”, March says, “I think the cold is getting to him.”

Caelus ignores her. The thing definitely flinched when hearing his voice this close by. It can hear him, it just refuses to come out. But Caelus has had the time -- three months! -- to learn that violence isn’t everything so he tries to be diplomatic once again. “We’re not going to hurt you or anything. Maybe we can help each other out if you show yourself?” 

The nervous mischief remains stubbornly silent, even moving an inch away from him. “Dan Heng.”, March now says with a little urgency in her voice, “I think we’re losing him.” 

Dan Heng releases a long, suffering sigh. “Caelus, I really don’t think we should waste our time when it’s this cold and dange --” 

Just then, that cheeky little presence pokes Caelus in the leg, prodding, testing the waters before immediately drawing back -- and once again making no effort to show itself. Okay, he decides, diplomacy sure is a wonderful craft for the people that are better in using it than him and with that --

“Homerun!”, he exclaims and slams the bat into the snow in front of him.

March shrieks and Dan Heng hisses, “Caelus!” and the snow in front of them yelps in pain.

“Ow! Man, I’ve heard you the first time! You let go of ‘We’re not going to hurt you’ real fast, my friend.” 

“What?”, March says in disbelief. Dan Heng immediately goes into a fighting stance, his spear ready at hand.

The presence in the snow slowly gets up in front of them, shivering and full of snow - and tall. It’s a man, Caelus realizes, and now that his presence is freed from the thick coat of snow it’s much richer than before -- and much more confusing. Things that shouldn’t mix swirl together around him in a hazy veil. But still without any malice. 

“No for real”, The man continues, “I was about to get up and greet you, I swear! Give little old me some time, these bones ain’t functioning properly after being - uh, lost in the snow for so long. Is this how you rescue someone from freezing to death? With a bat to the head?” 

“Who are you?”, Dan Heng points the spear towards him. 

“Woah, woah easy there, young man!” Mischief  raises his hands in defeat. “Lost civilian here! I have nothing to do with the city alarm or the guards -- wait, you guys don’t look like you’re from Belobog at all?” 

“Who are you?” Dan Heng repeats, sharply. “Why were you hiding in the snow?” 

The man takes a step back. 

“Okay, okay, calm down. I --”, he points at himself with his thumb in an almost comical manner, “Am the great Sampo Koski, law abiding citizen of Belobog and an all around great help in business inquiries and market advice, ten percent off for my first service to everyone without a background check.” Dan Heng only slightly lowers his weapon at that. 

“I think he’s a scammer.” March says. She still looks a little lost from all the things happening at once, but seems to have gotten the gist of his very quickly narrated terms of service. 

“I am not .” Sampo says indignant. “And I wasn’t hiding in the snow, who in their right mind would do that? I was looking for something I’ve lost and got lost myself! And now I’m being threatened by three young thugs? Oh, the youth of today…” 

“But you weren’t lost.” Caelus says. “You were trying to hide from me when I noticed you were there!” 

Sampo’s eyes widen for a split second before he harrumphs. “That’s because everything outside of Belobog is very dangerous and I was afraid of getting attacked by monsters --  I’m not just giving away my location to a random voice calling out. Use your bright little head, my friend!” 

“That’s fair.”, Caelus muses, earning him an elbow to the side from March. “Don’t fall for his words!”

“Where’s this Belobog you’ve been talking about?”, Dan Heng inquires further. 

Sampo spreads his arms. “Belobog is a beautiful, large and warm city, which I’m a proud and proper citizen of. It is an approximately hour long trek from here all the way to the end of the valley. Really worth the hassle -- I can give you a guided tour if you -- hey!” Dan Heng starts walking away without letting him finish. 

“You’ve heard him.”, He says, “An hour from here’s a city. We shouldn’t waste any time. Let’s go.” 

March and Caelus exchange a look before he shrugs his shoulders and they both run after Dan Heng. He gives Sampo a little wave. “Bye!” 

“H-- Hey wait!”, Sampo yells after them. His chaotic presence whirls in a fit of distress. “I’m going with you!”

“No need.” Dan Heng calls back. 

“Wh - what a rude - Uh, I mean, what will you do when the Silvermane Guards on patrol catch three very strangely dressed and armed people out in the open? They’re strong and overwhelm you in numbers! And if their captain is with them, your last hour has already begun!” He trails after them, surprisingly fast. His movements on the snow seem way lighter than their own - as if there’s no weight to his steps. 

“Then you as a citizen can surely tell them to leave us alone?”, March says, hurrying after Dan Heng as well. “How do you run on snow like this?” 

“Ahaha! I have my ways, little miss - purely for business, though.” Sampo grins. “And uh, the Silvermane Guards are not exactly… reasonable enough that I, a poor civilian, could talk three strangers free from being investigated, you know?”

“What? Then you’re no help to us at all!” 

“I -- mean, if we work together, we might just be able to convince the guards to, uh, let us into the city in one piece?” 

“You don’t sound very sure of that. Maybe it’s best if we go separate ways.” March eyes him suspiciously. 

“Nonsense! You would leave a soul lost in the endless snow alone? How cold of you!” Sampo exclaims theatrically before looking back at March with urgency. “No, for real. Don’t leave me out there, once the city gates close or the guards show up I am literally fu-”

“Guards up ahead!”, Dan Heng hisses.

In front of them maybe six or seven gray silhouettes come into view. They all look similar and there’s clearly outlines of weapons visible -- whoever these people are, they’re armed and might not be friendly. All of them stop in their tracks, trying not to move too much to not draw the attention from the possible enemy. 

“What do we do?” March whispers nervously. “I don’t wanna start a fight, we only just got here!” 

“They haven’t noticed us yet.” Dan Heng says, quietly, while carefully ducking behind a snow-covered rock. Caelus and March follow suit. “If what Sampo says is true and they aren’t lenient on us, then he should go and talk to them first. Then we can gauge whether or not it’ll be safe to reveal ourselves to them.” 

“Ah.”, Caelus chimes in, “Uh, he’s gone.” 

Both Dan Heng and March turn towards him. “Huh?”, March exclaims rather loudly while Dan Heng shushes her. 

“What? Where did he go? How did he -- Can’t you… see him?” Dan Heng asks. His eyes dart around, but it’s hard to see anything in the snowstorm so he looks back at his fellow trailblazer. 

“The moment you called out the guards, his presence went all jittery and then fizzled out.” Caelus says, “When I turned around I couldn’t see him anymore -- and he’s gone from my, uh, vision I guess, too. Like he’s been swallowed by the ground.” Caelus shakes his head in confusion. “If he can hide that well, why didn’t he hide his presence like this before I found him?” 

In retrospect, it’s like he wanted to be found. But how could he know that Caelus could sense him? Did he know that they were on their way? Does he know about planes and how to use them? He didn’t seem as wise as Mr. Yang, though. And that confusing, paradox aura of his -- he’s certainly suspicious, that he can’t really deny. 

But, still, there’s no malice or ill intention in the midst of Sampo’s whirls of chaos and Caelus has to admit, his aura has a weirdly alluring draw. The closest it comes to something he knows would be Miss Himeko’s presence of escapism. He can’t bring himself to flat out dislike him, no matter how shady his behavior is. 

March sighs. “You really need to explain that vision thing later, Caelus. I don’t get what you're talking about at all! And! I can’t believe that snake ditched us, just like that! Law abiding citizen where? He’s thrown us to the wolves! Hmpf, when I get back to him… What do we do now?” She carefully peeks from the rock they’re hiding behind. “They’re getting closer!” She whispers to both of them. “We need to hurry!” 

Dan Heng shakes his head. “We should go reveal ourselves.” 

“What? What if what Sampo said is true and it’ll start a fight?” March protests. “We're at a disadvantage here!” 

“Well, we can’t test that out right now. But if they find us armed behind a rock, that’ll only lower our chances for a peaceful resolution.” Dan Heng shakes his head. “I don’t like it either. It is risky and showing our faces makes it easier to find us in the worst case scenario. But we need shelter, and soon, otherwise we’ll have to trek back all the way to the Express -- with no progress at all and that’ll be another two to three hour journey in the cold -- and by then in the dark as well.” 

Dan Heng sighs. “I think just being honest is our best shot at being heard and accepted right now.” 

Honesty, huh? Caelus thinks, a bit irritated. That’s quite rich from the guy whose presence is so blank he’s blending into the surroundings like a second layer of snow. So carefully hidden away.

“I get your point.” March says thoughtfully, “But I still don’t like it.” 

Dan Heng looks back at him. “What do you think?” 

“Uh,” Caelus says surprised. He didn’t expect to be asked, least of all by Dan Heng, for his opinion. “I -- I think”, he begins, stalling for a bit more time to find something smart to say, when he gets hit by a wall of ice.  

Metaphorically, of course, for everyone but himself. Caelus snaps his head around, a bit disoriented from the sheer density and hardness the new presence has hit him with. 

It seems to be one of the soldiers, but whoever that they are, they have the form of a watchtower , a fortification made of cold but well crafted stones built into formidable walls. And huge as well - not quite as expansive as Mr. Yang but definitely enclosing a large area around them. It'd be an almost desolate and hopeless presence if it weren’t for the faint amber hue Caelus can sense in the midst of the center of this person or being. But he can’t tell if that warm amber core is being protected by the icy walls surrounding it or slowly being suffocated. It could be both. 

In fact, all of the soldiers have an, albeit tiny, amber shine to them -  like they have something connecting them. But it’s very slight and almost brittle. And pretty neglectable to that extensive presence among them.

“Caelus?”, March asks. “Are you okay? Did you see something again?”

He looks at them, his own senses now alerted by it . “I really think we should not get into a fight.”, he says. “One of these guys has a presence like a fortress. It's massive .” He shivers and not from the cold. “White flag sounds pretty good.” 

Dan Heng furrows his brows in concern. “A fortress.”, he mutters, “We’ve no capacity for stalling.” He sighs. “Hide your weapons. We should appear as harmless as possible.” 

-

Watchtower turns out to be the leader of a small patrol unit of what seem to be soldiers or guards. While they’re being held at gunpoint at first - and at whatever that thing Watchtower  is fighting with is -, realizing that they’re just three lost, young people from beyond their world changes the guards’ stances slowly from hostility to curiosity. 

“ What ?!”One of the soldiers exclaims when March shows him a picture she took from Jarilo-VI out of the express. “That thing is our homeworld?” 

“Doesn’t look like winter’s going to end soon.”, another soldier says, sounding a bit helpless. 

Watchtower looks at them with guarded politeness. His walls are still up and at the forefront of things, Caelus notices. His eyes are a clear blue, young and curious but deep inside that stronghold of his he can feel old nightmares loosening the mortar. 

“What are your intentions in… visiting our planet?” Watchtower asks. His voice is a bit stilted, not unkind, but wary in its tone. 

“We’re from a place called the Astral Express and we travel across the universe. We are stranded for the moment. Our… ship can not continue our journey if we don’t find the disruption that is very likely located on your planet. We assume it may also be responsible for the cold.” Dan Heng says, diplomatically. “Removing the disruption isn’t something that should cause any harm to you or your homes --  we assume the cause is a Stellaron on the loose.” 

“A… Stellaron?”, Watchtower asks. He shakes his head. “I’m afraid I’ve never heard of this, ah, thing before. Then again, I’m just the Captain of the Guards, so I might not be your best source for further information. As for the cold…”, he sighs, “I think that’s been part of our home since forever. I doubt there’s an easy solution for it -- but if what you say is true and it won't harm anyone, I can maybe help you find someone better informed about your worries.” 

He gives them another searching look, but doesn’t seem to find anything unsettling him. “Where are my manners?” He straightens his back and gives them a proper soldier’s greeting. “I am Gepard Landau, Captain of the Silvermane Guards. It is our duty to keep the city of Belobog and its people safe. I apologize for our rather rough first meeting -- we are not used to getting guests from far away after all.” 

“Oh, we’ve had much worse!”March exclaims, “I’m just glad we could clearly communicate why we’re here -- that’s not always as easy on other planets.”

Gepard gives a smile at that. “What kind of guards would we be if we didn’t try to act with reason?” Caelus can’t help but notice how tired he looks while saying that. Still, his amber core gently radiates a bit of warmth through his walls. 

“Oh, but - let’s get you to Belobog quickly. You absolutely must be freezing -- all three of you don’t look dressed sufficiently for temperatures like this. Please, follow me. And feel free to ask questions on the way.” 

March and Dan Heng exchange a look of relief. Caelus is still fixated on that weapon on Captain Gepards back. Is it a hammer? Or a very uniquely shaped club? A bat like his own? He can’t help but feel like he’s seen something like it before -- probably in a movie or something. It just…doesn’t fit the picture of a Captain at all, that’s why it piques his interest. 

March chats with the soldiers who are still in disbelief at seeing a picture of their planet and they ask questions about the other places they’ve - Caelus excluded - visited. Dan Heng has once again slipped into his preferred role of the ‘silent observer’ and listens intently while appearing as blank as always. 

And Caelus - 

“An electric guitar case!”,he blurts out. Everyone turns and gives him a confused stare. “I thought the shape was familiar.”, he explains, while pointing at the captain's back, “But it wasn’t something I would’ve thought a knight like you would use to fight.”

Gepards look of surprise turns into one of slight embarrassment. “Oh, uh -”, he starts, before taking a deep breath to straighten his voice. “This is… my sister's guitar case. There’s no guitar inside, obviously, but she’s a bit of an inventor so she found a way to reinforce it properly for battle. I admit it’s rather… unorthodox to use, but it does work quite well and I’ve gotten used to it.” 

“That thing is heavy .” One of the soldiers says, a bit smug. “Most of the regular guards can’t lift that thing, less even swing it around like our Captain does.” 

“Most lieutenants even”, Another one adds, “I thought Lieutenant Dunn could barely lift it for thirty seconds. And Captain walks around with it all day as if it’s nothing.” 

The admiration of the guards towards their captain is impossible to miss -- and said captain apparently does not handle compliments very well because he quickly turns around and walks a little faster but it’s hard to ignore his slightly pink ears with short hair like his. It makes him look surprisingly youthful and poses a comical dichotomy to his heavy, serious presence. 

Cute , March mouths towards Caelus. He nods in agreement. 

“ Anyways ,” the captain continues, “I think… I think Serval -- that’s the name of my sister -- could actually be a good starting point to find out more about that -  uh, Stellaron, was it? Hindering your journey. I can arrange a meeting if you’d like. I will have to announce your arrival to the Supreme Guardian of Belobog, since this is an occurrence out of the ordinary. I assume she’ll be inviting you for an audience, but depending on how busy it is, it could take a week or two until she finds the time to properly greet you. Until then we can probably accommodate you in Belobog’s best hotel, if that is alright with you.” 

“That sounds awesome.”, March says, excited, “That sounds like real beds with real pillows and warm food and I’m all here for it!” 

“March.”, Dan Heng says, voice neutral in that quietly suffering way of his. “It doesn’t have to be your best or anything luxurious,” he adds. “We don’t want to be a nuisance and we’re not important enough to warrant special treatment. Anything simple would absolutely suffice.” He decidedly ignores the look of disappointment and betrayal March gives him. 

“Do not worry.”, Gepard says, “Belobog hasn’t really had visitors from the outside --  and three more people is not much to accommodate for.”

“If the pillow isn’t soft enough on its own, I will steal yours.”, March hisses to Dan Heng, “I still have phantom neck pain from the dorm in Taikiyan Stadion.” Dan Heng just rolls his eyes. 

“I doubt sleeping without a pillow is of much concern to someone who preferably sleeps on the ground without a mattress.” Caelus mutters. 

March snorts. Dan Heng pointedly ignores his comment, but Caelus swears can feel a tiny bit of defiance the usually closed-off Dan Heng can’t seem to hide. 

-

They arrive in Belobog at dusk -- not that it’s particularly noticeable, the sky just turning a slightly darker shade of gray indicating nightfall. But Belobog itself is incredibly impressive. It’s an enormous stronghold with the thickest and highest walls Caelus has ever seen. They’re worn down by the battle against the cold and with it probably against the Stellaron, but they still stand proud and resisting. And the city glows , very faintly but it does. It’s not just the heaters or the street lanterns emitting warmth and light but the very city itself that pulsates in a dim, dark amber. And the people do too -- each person Caelus sees has the glow of a dying ember in their being, like a fire on the verge of going out. It’s a glimmer, but as far as he can tell it’s not one that will persist much longer. 

He wonders if this is the Stellaron’s doing as well. 

Both March and Dan Heng seem just as fascinated from this oasis of a city, the last bastion of humanity on a planet close to death. Captain Gepard actually takes the time to show them the most important points within the city and Caelus can feel the love the Captain holds for his home through the gentle pulses of warmth resonating with this place as if they’re one. 

He notices how similar the Silvermane Captain is to the city he’s sworn to protect -- he feels like a living extension of it. 

Including the cracks in its foundations. 

“I will have to go back to my work, my apologies.”, Gepard says, “But rest assured, everything will be organized for your stay -- you’ll stay at the Grand Hotel Goethe. I hope you enjoy your time in Belobog and that we’ll meet again before your visit is over.” 

With that, the Captain leaves them alone for the night. Caelus can’t help but feel that his broad back still seems too small for the heavy presence surrounding his shoulders. 

Something’s not right.

-

“Phew! I’m beat”, March yawns when they’re alone. “We’ve been wandering through the cold and the snow for hours, I totally feel it in my bones. Are you guys good with eating at the hotel and then hitting the pillows? As much as I’d like to explore the city, my eyes are about to close for the next five hours.” 

“I think that’s best too. It’s good to know that your choices are quite reasonable when you’re tired.” Dan Heng says. 

There’s a slight lilt to his voice, barely noticeable -- but he always seems to use it whenever he’s teasing March about something, Caelus notices. He decides to file it down in his mental Guide-to-understand-Dan-Heng . A necessity, really, since neither his presence nor his demeanor are of any help to him. He doesn’t have to get along with him, but in a way he still tries to gather at least the basic respect from him which is something he seems to be really bad at. He wonders if it’s because of his not-entirely-human nature, that people like Dan Heng slip out of his grasp of understanding. 

March sticks her tongue out back at him. But it’s full of fondness - familiar and natural, like they’ve been doing this back and forth for years. 

For the first time today, Caelus feels a restless golden scratch on the back of his throat. 

This quiet one doesn’t want to spend a second with something like you, it seems , it mocks, yet you're crawling at his feet for his approval. Your mirror could hate you for it, you know?

Shut up, he thinks, but all gold does is laugh at him again. He clenches his fists so hard that his nails leave blue dents on his palms.

-

“So, Caelus.”, March mumbles, mouth full of food. “Now you gotta tell me: How did you know Sampo was hiding in the snow? And what was that about a guy that feels like a fortress?” 

Right, Caelus remembers, she wasn’t with them when Mr. Yang explained to everyone what he didn’t even understand himself. He tries to give her a quick rundown of it, obviously lacking all the eloquence Mr. Yang had while explaining, but if Dan Heng’s noticing his butchering of Mr. Yang’s wonderful analogies, he doesn't comment on it. 

“Ohh, I see! Or should I say I don’t?”, March says, fascinated. “Wait, is this why Mr. Yang scared you so much when we tried to say hello?” 

“I was unsettled, not scared.”, Caelus huffs, “Anyone would’ve been, with that monstrosity Mr. Yang has put up for intimidation reasons .” 

“Uh huh. You seemed plenty scared to me.” March grins while Caelus ignores her jab and takes another bite out of his crystal lizard skewer. “But now I’m curious.”, she continues, “What does my presence look like to you? Or smell like?” 

Caelus doesn’t have to think for long. “Like a sunny winter day with very clear skies. And sometimes like slow snowfall with really big flakes. It feels cold but not in a bad way, rather very wide and accepting. It’s one of my favorites.” 

March gives him a wide-eyed stare, her cheeks turning slightly pink. “Jeez. I know I told you you should keep up with appreciating me but no need to coat it so thick.” She mumbles. 

Caelus tilts his head. “But that’s literally what I see?” 

She harrumphs. “Oh, you -”. Then she sighs. 

“It sounds really nice.” She says, sincerely. “I’d like to see it for myself one day, but thank you for telling me.” 

Caelus nods, mouth full of food. March’s eyes suddenly light up. “And what about Dan Heng? What does he look like?” 

Their third companion gives March one of his trademark frowns- to which March winks back at him-  before continuing with his meal. Caelus takes this as his silent consent. 

“Bland.”, He says after a moment, not wanting to reveal that he knows there might be something hidden underneath, “If I could assign a color to him it would be beige, but at this point it’s literally transparent.” 

March spits out her drink. 

-

It’s a quarter past twelve. 

Dan Heng’s lying in his bed after they’ve all resigned to their respective rooms for the night. March wasn’t entirely wrong, it’s comfortable and a long way from some locations they’ve had to find shelter at. 

Unfortunately, that doesn’t matter to him. Peaceful sleep remains a luxury, no matter the comfort. 

There’s a few books in the room, but it’s all horribly written romance novels or thrillers riddled with plot holes and none of it is something he feels like wasting time on. And he doubts his concentration would suffice to stay focused on a book right now. 

Not after that unpleasant dinner. 

March, being as sneakily observant in the worst possible moments as she is, gave him a little nudge after they’ve gone to find their rooms. “You’re looking more sour than usual.” She whispered. 

He had only looked away, annoyed at how perceptive she was when it was least convenient to him. She quietly observed him another minute, all while Caelus was inspecting every nook and cranny of the grand hotel -- they had to stop him from knocking on the other doors, so he resigned to rearranging every single flower vase he could find. 

“Dan Heng.” She then asked incredulously. “Are you… sulking?” Her eyes wander over to Caelus, who’s snapping off the head of a rose only to plaster it onto a little decorative statue as a hat. “Is it because of what he said? I didn’t take you to be so -- sensitive . I thought it was hilarious.” 

He groaned, suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted. “Yes, March.”, he shot back at her, sarcasm dripping in his voice. “I am absolutely destroyed and devastated after being told what I look like to a guy who talks to plants on a regular basis. I will now go to my room and proceed to cry myself to sleep.” 

He then shook his head. “No, March. I don’t know about you, but I have trekked for hours in a snow wasteland today. I’m tired and I want to rest. We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow and I’ve been planning ahead already.” 

“Okay, okay.” March raised her hands defensively. “What’s with the spicy sarcasm? I was just wondering why you’re being more -- well, you , than usual. But I get you.” She yawned. “I’m going to fall asleep the moment I touch the bed.” 

So now he’s laying on the bed, eyes wide open despite being tired from the cold eating away at his bones the whole day.

And now that he’s alone with his thoughts, he begrudgingly has to admit --

He might be -- sulking, as March had so nicely put it, a little bit. 

He wonders if that was Caelus' way of getting back at him for being -- unknowingly -- rude to him in the Archive. But then again, his personal mental file he keeps of the fellow trailblazer speaks against it. Caelus isn’t someone that seems to act out of malice or revenge -- he just lacks a bit of a filter and a lot of common sense. 

Moreso he has a child-like purity to him, emotions showing with clumsy honesty in his body, occasionally even against his will. So, no, he doubts that what he had described him as was meant to sting in any way. 

But, underneath all stoicism and iciness towards the outside, Dan Heng is also a man with an, albeit carefully subdued, amount of pride. 

And it did sting . A little. 

He remembers March’s words on the Express. 

“You’re going to fix this, right?”

He groans into his pillow. March absolutely wants to see progress the next few days, if her nudging and prodding at the table was any indication, or else she’ll be relentless on his nerves. He’s an introvert and avoidant of people by choice, dammit! He has reasons to be that way!

He sees the looks Caelus gives him - careful and guarded, even more so since the incident in the Archive, not trusting or approaching him like he does with absolutely everyone else. The first time they met on Herta Space Station he was at least asking him questions - now he’s not even talking to him when Dan Heng’s not the one initiating a conversation - which he rarely does with anyone . 

Is this punishment for messing up his first impression so badly? How should he get along with someone who he hasn’t got a single point of commonality with? 

I can’t wait to go back into the Archive. Two weeks, Dan Heng. Just two weeks.

-

They meet in the lobby the next day. March is the first one to arrive, feeling wonderfully rested after a good night’s sleep on soft and plush pillows and a down blanket - ah, she could do this for weeks! 

Next is Dan Heng who undeniably looks like he’s gotten at least two hours less sleep than she did. Not that she’d pry -- she had caught him having nightmares once before and when she asked, he’d immediately blocked her off and refused to talk. But still, he looks rather annoyed, even for his standards. “Good morning!”, she greets anyway and gets a curt nod back. 

Last but not least, Caelus trots into the lobby -- completely disheveled and, for some ungodly reason, incredibly dusty with massive eye bags and a self-satisfied expression on his face. 

March internally sighs. She’s gotten used to traveling with the human equivalent of a stone slab and she prides herself on slowly getting able to read it pretty well, but Caelus is just -- if she had to describe him she’d compare him with a rubber ball on the loose. Not knowing what the hell it’ll knock off the desk next.  But also a very fun and nice rubber ball. When he’s not doing something stupid. “Good morning!”, she says, “What’s got you grinning so early?”

“Morning!”, Caelus says. He sounds tired but very content. “I fought and successfully defeated the Goethe Hotel Devil last night. It was absolutely worth climbing into the closet and holding out there for a couple of hours to catch him off guard at dawn!” 

Once again case in point, March feels herself completely blindsided by the sheer unpredictability of Caelus’ words and actions. What do you even say to this?! At least it explains the trail of dust he’s leaving everywhere. Looking over to Dan Heng, her companion just pretends he didn’t hear anything at all. He hasn’t forgotten the task she gave him, right? 

Though, she too has underestimated just how much of a handful her new companion could be --  she’ll give Dan Heng a little more time than planned. But she’ll insist on them becoming friends or at least proper acquaintances. Caelus is the kind of person that’s good for someone like Dan Heng, even if the latter doesn’t see it himself. Pushing comfort zones and what not. 

But first she has to properly figure him out herself. 

Rubber ball, March. Rubber ball. One day you’ll crack the code and know where it’ll go to next. 

-

Belobog has a lot more to offer in daylight, Caelus realizes. Their plan goes as follows: after being instructed by a Silvermane Guard where Serval’s workshop, Captain Gepard’s sister, is located, they decided to get an overview of the city first before paying her a visit later. 

Now, they’re wandering through the streets of Belobog, noting down the location of the different stores and places they find. They get stared at quite a bit -- their wardrobe standing out as almost futuristic compared to the more rustic looking clothes the citizens wear, but they’re looks of curiosity rather than hostility. 

The city leaves so many impressions on him -- once again, the real thing drastically surpasses his expectations, which he’d built on the multiple movies he’s watched. Everything catches his interest, people, papers on the ground, the low-key but ever present glow of amber shimmering throughout, all of it. 

And then there they are. They’re inviting and homely and open and Caelus feels the urgency rouse in his bones and fingers twitching in anticipation. Even Silk , who’s been quiet inside him for a while now, quietly laughs, surprising him, leaving the taste of magenta in his mouth. 

You haven’t changed at all . 

Your body still remembers. Even though you don’t. 

And Caelus takes this as confirmation and as justification for his actions- he’s still not sure if he should trust Silk , but then again -- it feels correct, it feels right. It’s not like he has much of a reputation left to lose anyway, does he? 

And he dives in. 

-

“Dan Heng, what is he doing?!” 

“I -- have no idea. Ask him yourself.” It sounds strained. 

“Caelus? What are you doing!?” Caelus feels a hand on his shoulder, trying to tear him out of his happy place. “Get out! People are watching!”

“No, wait!”, he protests, desperately clinging on the handles of the trash container from which he’s been gathering treasures from. “I haven’t gone through all the bags yet!” 

“What are you, an animal ?” March resigns to grabbing the loop on his jacket in order to pull him away. Thankfully Caelus knows that he’s physically quite well equipped, so he has no problem holding his own. He tears open another bag -- a few pamphlets flutter out of it, and oh, is that a fully closed can of soda? He pops it open.

“No!”, March yells, “ Don’t drink it! It’s been in the trash for a reason!” She turns around in desperation. “Dan Heng, help! ” 

Dan Heng shakes his head, expression blank. “No, I don’t think I can.”

“Traitor! You can’t let him continue doing that! Get over here and help me! Ah - !”, she almost tumbles into the container as well, when Caelus makes an abrupt movement forward to reach the deepest, most well hidden bag in the container. It has an air, well stench maybe, of mystery to it and he’s sure that the grand prize is right in his hands when he tears the plastic open. 

“Look at him, March.”, he hears Dan Heng from outside, “Does this look like someone that can be stopped with force to you?” 

“You just don’t want to get your hands dirty!” 

“No, I’m serious.”

“ Huh ?” 

Caelus fixates on the bag below him. He grabs the flimsy plastic with both hands and tugs . The bag bursts open and with it a swarm of flies escapes their prison towards the fresh air. He hears March yelp - “Ew!”-  and finally she lets go of his jacket. Determined he sticks his hand into the protective layer of moldy food. Eyes on the prize, eyes on the prize , he thinks. 

He swears he can hear Silk’s chuckle in the back of his mind. It only fuels his ambition further. 

After rummaging for another minute or two, he finally gets his hands on something solid. “Aha!”, he triumphs, going in with both hands now.

“I -- thought I am a lot to handle sometimes.”, He hears March say, voice utterly defeated. “Do we just let him keep doing that?”

“You are. But there’s always a bigger fish.” Dan Heng replies in what could be a comforting manner. His voice is carefully blank, though the weirdly strained undertone remains. “I think it’s less publicly indecent if there’s one person rummaging around in the trash without two others making a scene about it. It's more -- under the radar. Just look away.” 

Caelus finally manages to capture his prize. Five ancient looking coins glisten with various fluids in his hands -- they don’t look like the actual currency used in Belobog. Which means it's a treasure and therefore worth keeping. He triumphantly emerges from the depths of the dungeon. 

March is looking at him with a complicated expression he can’t really place. Dan Heng isn’t even looking at him, he’s looking up at the clouded sky and seems to be astral projecting his spirit back into the Archive of the Express. 

For once he doesn’t care at all -- as much as he struggles with being the weird one out, as much as he struggles with wondering who he was and who he is , this feels far too familiar to give up. It scratches an itch buried deep within him, neither golden nor magenta in color - it’s just his.

He wonders what kind of trash cans his template had the pleasure of investigating.

He wipes his findings down on his jacket - “Aeons” , March whispers - and puts them into one of his many pockets of his high-tech backpack from Asta. She would be proud. 

“All done!”, Caelus says, feeling exhilarated. “Sorry, but I just had to! It was totally worth it, though - so thanks for waiting. The ones on Herta Space Station were locked from the outside, so I never could look inside of those.” 

“So, where to next?” He asks after closing his backpack.

“To a fountain. ”, March grits. “We’re not going anywhere without you at least washing your hands!” 

“Oh, I can just--”, Caelus begins and tries wiping them down on his coat too but March slaps his hands with her sleeves. “No!”, she says, strictly. And then she grabs the loop on his back once again and tugs . 

He knows resistance is futile. 

Looking at Dan Heng while being dragged across the plaza backwards, the other’s expression remains carefully blank and keeps quiet as if deep in thought. 

-

The first thing Caelus notices about Serval is that her amber glow is one of the brightest one’s he’s seen so far. It’s warm and still full of energy, rather than reddish and subdued and it mingles with her presence of static . She recognizes them when they tell her who they are - “Oh, you’re the outsiders Geppie told me about! I’m so stoked to meet you, guys!” - and her demeanor is much less stilted and filled with much more dynamic than her brother’s. 

The air around her seems constantly charged, almost humming, so much so that Caelus had to sneeze four times in a row when she shook his hand. 

She’s outgoing and honest and Caelus immediately likes her. 

“She’s so cool.”, March gushes, when Serval leaves for the kitchen to get them something to drink. “I love her clothes. And she seems really helpful!”

“... so we were wondering if maybe you would know something about a possible Stellaron on Jarilo-VI. Your home planet. It is very likely the source to our problems -- and to a lot of your problems as well.” Dan Heng finishes the explanation for their visit. They’ve sat down on the bar- like reception desk of her workshop, recounting and exchanging information.

At the mention of the Stellaron however, Serval’s static discharges in a flash of worry. “I haven’t heard that word in while.”, she says, furrowing her brows. 

“Is something the matter?”, Dan Heng asks, immediately wary. 

“Hmm”, Serval hums, thoughtful. “Did you tell Geppie about the Stellaron?” 

“We mentioned it briefly.”, March says, “But he said he’s never heard of it before.”

“Have you talked to any other people about it?”, she asks to which March shakes her head. Serval exhales in relief. “Good. Keep it that way. You’re very lucky that I am the second person you confront with this question -- I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if you mentioned the Stellaron in front of Cocolia…” 

“What’s so bad about it? I mean apart from the Stellaron doing Stellaron things? And Geppie- Uh, Captain Gepard definitely knows the name now .” March says. 

Her presence fizzles one more time. “That’s not… ideal.” she says. “I know that Geppie doesn’t know about Stellarons, however -- this will be a bit of a longer explanation, but I hope it’ll make sense to you. When I used to still work as a scientist in the research council of Belobog I’ve come across old texts from our ancestors, hundreds of years from the past. These texts speak of technologies we can’t build here anymore and visitors from beyond, like you guys are. And there was also the mention of Stellarons -- and the drastic effects they could have everywhere they’re rooted. I started building my research around them, since I’ve felt like the changes this planet has undergone within a couple of hundred years were too drastic to be of merely natural causes. At first Cocolia, our current Supreme Guardian, was supporting my research and even helping me with it -- we were friends from our youth, so that was to be  expected. But -- she began to change and started shutting down section after section of my research, her reasons being it’s dangerous or it’s a waste of time or you’ll never get anywhere like this -- before throwing me out of the council for good for investigating treacherous materials . I haven’t set foot in the parliament building since then -- and I haven’t really seen her since either.” Serval shakes her head. “I still don’t fully understand what caused her to change.” 

“The problem is”, she continues, “Everything about Stellarons has become strictly confidential and even forbidden since then. Even talking about them can result in immediate detention and jail time. Geppie’s a model Silvermane Guard, so talking him out of it won’t be an option. His reports are always complete and correct. He’ll undoubtedly report that someone has asked after a Stellaron - that could result in very unpleasant consequences for you.” She gives them a look of determination. “But I’ll cover for you as much as I can. I’ve always felt like, whatever happened back then had to do something with this -- but I was always standing alone with no way to fight or find out. Now that you’re here, I finally might get my answers too.” 

“You could get into serious trouble.”, Dan Heng says. “And it would be a bigger disadvantage for you -- we could always retreat back to the Astral Express for safety. But your freedom, possibly even your life is on the line, yet you offer us your help without wanting anything in return?” 

“We’re not going to ditch her! We’re not like that Sampo guy.” March protests. 

Serval lets out a humorless laugh. Her static crackles in anger and frustration.  “I know what I’m getting into. But I’ve seen this circus going off the rails for far too long, always standing on the sidelines, not able to do anything . I’m tired of it. The Belobog you see here is only a facade  -- behind the walls, in the alleyways, in the abandoned zones of the city, more and more monsters, seemingly coming from nowhere, are gathering all the time. We’ve been fighting them for years. There’s been space anomalies everywhere -- people being swallowed into alternate dimensions where they can’t escape and never return and the fight is just dragging on .”

Bitterness drenches her voice and her nails dig into the table. “I want it to end. For everyone. My brother -- you’ve met him, he’s been on the frontline for years . He plays it off but he has seen things no one should. He’s lost so many people under his name. I can’t help but worry how much more of it he can bear. I will grasp any chance , no matter how small it seems to put an end to the demise of our home.” 

She looks at them with determination, and her static crackles once again, humming like a charged battery ready to be used. Caelus can feel her energy spreading through the room, representing herself, laying herself bare and begging them to acknowledge her offer. 

“Please.”,she says. “Let me help you in every way I can.” 

Her honesty is one of the purest kinds he’s seen and she fills the room with sincerity and passion -- all while her amber core ignites and reveals a much older, ancient will than her own within her, fully in line with her own beliefs. 

“I think we should accept her help.” March says. Caelus nods in agreement. Dan Heng hesitates for a moment, before he says: “Very well. You’re our only source of information about the Stellaron, and if what you’ve said is true -- we’ll be on the run soon. How long do you think we have until the hunt starts, when we’ve met Gepard yesterday?” 

Serval raises her fists. “Yes! Thank you guys! So -- Until the report reaches Cocolia, it’ll be about a week? Five days if she’s got nothing to do, which I doubt. When she gets wind of it, I doubt she’ll be hesitant to act and will try to detain you as soon as possible. It also means that she will very likely send Gepard and Lady Bronya -- that’s her daughter -- after you. Both are no joke when it comes to fighting.”

She starts rummaging in one of the many drawers of her workshop. “Ah, where is it, where is it -- here!” she exclaims triumphantly and holds up a map. “This is a map of Belobog. As you can see there’s lots of additional lines drawn into it. Those are shortcuts, rat runs, hidden alleyways, anything you will need to use to outrun and hide from the guards. Maybe you could even hide outside of the city - I could ask Lynxy for good and safe camping spots. You should memorize as much of it as possible while you still have the time! Take it!”

Dan Heng nods, folding the map and putting it into his own pockets. “Thank you.” 

“In the meantime, I’ll try to gather as much information about the Stellaron as possible. I am unfortunately banned from the library and the state archive but I have a good friend who’s wonderfully long fingers can get his hands on a book or two - and he owes me more than just one favor -- oh.” She turns towards March. “Did you mention Sampo Koski before?” 

March makes a long face. “Huh? Don’t tell me that good friend of yours is this fiendish scoundrel!”

Serval grins evilly. “ Good friends is maybe not the right term, but being the Silvermane Guard Captain’s sister has its advantages when the most searched for criminal of the city owes you a favor.” 

“Wait, he's a criminal as well?” March exclaims. “I thought he’s just a scam artist.” 

“Scams are technically a crime too.”, Dan Heng says. 

“Eh, most of his wrongdoings are just petty crimes like those. Occasional thievery but never any serious harm -- it’s just in the hundreds , and I have to admit, the guy can be insanely slippery to catch when he wants to be. He’s kinda infamous here in Belobog -- and he’s been my brother’s main headache for years now.” She laughs. “He can be quite fun company, however. And he’s a true escape master, so if anything happens I can arrange that he’ll get you out somewhere safe.” 

“I’m not sure I want that.” March says skeptically. “He’s probably going to save my wallet too.” 

“He’s going to have to deal with me if he does that.”, Serval says and her aura crackles menacingly. “I’ve got my ways to deal with him.” 

“Hm. I’m still not sure if I like that, but we don’t have much of a choice.”, March says, still sounding unsure. 

“It’s a risk, but we have to take it. We don’t have many other options.” Dan Heng says. 

She pouts. “Ugh. I know.”

“I think he’s neat. I kinda like him.” Caelus says, breaking his silence, earning him three looks of bewilderment. 

“Oh, now that’s a first.” Serval says, amused. March blinks. “But why?” she asks confusedly. 

“He’s got a really interesting presence to him. And I’ve not gotten any malicious or bad vibes from him either. He seems like a fun guy. I think we should give him a shot and trust him for this.” 

Everyone is stunned into silence by his words for a few seconds. 

And then, much to everyone's surprise Dan Heng is the first to break it. He groans and buries his face in his hands in a very not-Dan-Heng-like fashion. 

“ Of course you would -- ugh.”  He interrupts himself before finishing his sentence. His face remains buried in his hands however.

March stares at him looking absolutely lost. “What the-?!” 

Caelus wholeheartedly shares the sentiment. What did he do wrong now?

Serval snorts and breaks into laughter, “Trust him? He’s so going to eat that up if you tell him that! Oh, this is going to be fun! You guys are a blast to be around!”

-

Dan Heng really thinks of himself as a reserved, well-tempered person. It takes a lot - and he means a lot to get him aggravated and even then he mostly shows it in the way he handles his spear in battle. Sure, he’s impatient but he wields this fault with maturity and grace and he knows that. 

He also doesn’t put much weight on other people’s assessment of him -- they can talk all they want, call him cold-blooded, rude, too direct, impassive, he doesn’t care. He’s heard worse, he’s been through much worse. 

So. 

He doesn’t know if it’s Caelus withering away his patience since early morning with his numerous antics, if it’s March’s plea he’s yet to fulfill to please get along with him , if it’s Caelus brutally honest recall of his apparently bland presence or a mix of all things combined -

But.

When Caelus explains that he likes Koski and that they ‘ should give him a shot ’ and ‘trust him’ , something within him snaps. 

“Of course you would --!”, he blurts out before he can stop himself. He bites his tongue. 

Of course you would rather give a man with a criminal record a chance because ‘his presence seems fun’ instead of your own teammate. I didn’t choose to be beige or bland on purpose, you see? That’s entirely on you. 

How the endless, everloving hell is Sampo Koski , the spitting image of shadiness, more successful in gaining his damn companions’ trust, when they’ve met the man for barely five minutes and he tried to hound the Silvermane Guards onto them, than he is? 

He knows he’s truly not the most approachable person in the whole, wide galaxy and he’s all in on it, but this? 

This is personal.  

Not a thing has touched his pride in any way for years now and then there’s Caelus waltzing all over it while remaining oblivious to the stress he’s causing him, like the damn, painfully earnest, trash-raiding airhead that he is. 

He grits his teeth and makes a decision he never thought he would: He will ask March for advice on how to approach this -- moron . They will get along, even if he has to cross bodies to get there.

It can’t be that fucking hard, can it? 

He hates this.

Oh, he hates this so much. 

“Is he -- okay?”, he hears Caelus ask March. It sounds far, far away.