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Chapter Text

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Sirius came to with a jump. The feeling of falling when dreaming and waking up with a gasp, startled back into consciousness. Where was he?

All of his senses were coming back to him. He was in the middle of the prairie, it was dark but not too dark. The full moon shone like a silver dollar in the sky. He could see trees and the outline of mountains against the night sky in the distance. The night breeze felt definitely chilly on his face and his left hand was wet, dripping, in fact. The distinct ferrous scent of blood. His left hand was bloodied and dripping. Not his own, of course. Where was he again? How long had it been? By the scent in the air, it felt like it was approaching the end of summer.

He sniffed the air again, quickly this time. Someone was approaching. The soft clip-clop of someone on horseback making their way down the crest of the hill, coming closer. They hadn’t spotted him yet - how could they? It was difficult for others to see in such darkness, despite the full moon. Dark shapes over a sea of dark grass, and Sirius was the darkest creature of them all out there tonight. The darkness within him radiating from him and enveloping everything in its vicinity, like a pulsating black hole.

The man on horseback had spotted him now, a sharp intake of breath in surprise. Rightfully wary of meeting a stranger, alone, on foot in the middle of nowhere at night. Sirius felt the mare grow uneasy as they came closer and closer. The fluttery heartbeat of the man delicious in its genuine trepidation. Very close now, maybe thirty yards,he could just smell the horse and the vague hint of soap on the man’s hair. An animalic scent stuck to his person hinting at a life of physical labor and proximity to cattle.

Sirius turned to face the stranger. Stared straight up at him, perched on his saddle. 

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” The stranger stared back, slightly stooped on his mount, speechless for just a second. 

“You didn’t” The man said, in a surprisingly deep voice “but you shouldn’t be out here alone.” 

A sharp, inquisitive look on his face, he stared Sirus up and down, trying to figure him out. Sirius looked down, coyly. 

“I’m Remus”

“Sirius”

The cowboy obviously decided that Sirius wasn’t a threat, as he dismounted and took a step closer. Sirius took in the sight of him, taller than himself by a good few inches, a wiry sort of muscular body. Clad in old Wrangler blue jeans, battered boots, a white tank top and a plaid flannel. Cowboy hat hanging down his back from his neck, and a long chain with a golden locket as the only frivolous part of his outfit. Remus’ dark eyes lingered on Sirius’ pretty features just a second before darting to his left hand, still dripping.

“I - is that blood? Are you hurt?” He took a step forward, hand protracted, breaking the bubble of space between them. 

Sirius pulled his hand away from reach “Don’t.”

Remus desisted “Sorry, it’s just… You really shouldn’t be here alone this late”

“I can handle myself, thanks.” Sirius spat back

“... Haven’t you heard about the attacks?”

Attacks!? Sirius tried to dig through his short term memory. Had it been him? But of course it had. The blood, the frenzy. “Oh…” was all he could reply.

Remus tugged at a handful of brown curls at the nape of his neck, obviously considering what he was about to say next carefully, before turning his dark gaze back at Sirius, staring straight into his eyes.

“Listen, my house is just a bit further down the way. I don’t mind you coming over. You can get yourself cleaned up. I have a spare bed and a phone. Tomorrow you can give a call to whomever you need to come and pick you up. I just don’t like knowing anyone is out here on their own at night with the attacks still very much going on. And you look lost.”

Lost. Sirius cackled inwardly. He was lost, in every sense of the word. So, so lost. He nodded, quietly, and Remus led the mare towards Sirius. “Here, Gilly” he said softly. His hand moved to Sirius, to help him mount, but Sirius needed no help, he jumped up and pushed himself to the front of the saddle. Remus stood for a second, taken aback, then followed suit. Behind him, holding Gilly’s reins and slowly leading them down the hill. Clip-clop, clip clop.

Sirius shrunk slightly in his seat, all the tiredness and sadness of his situation finally overwhelming him. He tried not to think of the glimpse of metal and hard presence in Remus’ waistband he could feel behind him now they were riding. The cowboy was definitely carrying.

“What state are we in?” Sirius finally spoke after a solid ten minutes of silent riding.

“South Dakota,” Remus replied “near Aberdeen.”

The hint of a nod, and more silence. Remus damn nearly had a heart attack when he had spotted Sirius’ silhouette standing in the middle of the northwestern field. Thought it had been an animal at first, or a shapeshifter maybe. Never he would have guessed that it was a young man, dressed like he had just come from a grunge concert in the big city.

With the face of a fucking angel. Really, what was that even  about. It was as if a higher power had plummeted this creature of the night bang in the middle of his land to play with Remus’ mind. Maybe it had been all in his head, a trick of the light, and when they’d get to the house, under the cruel kitchen light, Sirius would look like any average guy from the town. Small, close set eyes, bad skin, mean look. “Yeah,” Remus nodded to himself “I’m sure that’s the case.”

“Mmmh?” Sirius mumbled, question in his tone.

“Oh yeah,” Remus coughed “house is just down there.” he pointed at the only structure in sight that was obviously a dwelling.

“I’ll drop you off, wait on the porch. I’ll go and put Gilly back in the stables.”

Another quiet nod, not a man of many words, this Sirius guy. Remus left him on the porch and came back to find him curled up in the rocking chair by the front door, slightly shivering. The nights were starting to get chilly, no doubt. The season was moving into fall.

Remus unlocked the door, gesturing to Sirius to go on in, and lingered in the entrance to take off his boots and hat. He found Sirius standing near the fridge, staring intently at his ‘Parsons Animal Feed’ calendar he had got for free from his local farm supplies store. “Ahem,” Remus cleared his throat and Sirius turned to look at him. Wow, Remus had been so wrong. The unflattering kitchen light only seemed to enhance Sirius’ otherworldly features. Skin so flawless and fair his eyes could barely look at it, it almost shone. A mass of long, silky raven curls. A delicately squared jawline, masculine yet soft. Symmetric and harmonious facial features, of which a large pair of languid gray eyes, fanned by wispy black lashes, was the standout.

Remus caught his breath “Help yourself to anything in the kitchen - food, tea, coffee. Bathroom is down the hallway, the spare bedroom is the first door on the left.”. He said it too quickly, overzealously, and it came out forced. “D’you need spare clothes, a towel, toothbrush?” Again, too eager, he felt like he was making Sirius recoil.

Sirius just nodded, not a sound. Remus sighed. 

“Alright, I’ll go and fetch some clothes and a towel so you can go and take a shower and head straight to bed. Help yourself to whatever you want from the fridge.”

He came back to find Sirius had poured himself a glass of milk. “Here’s the clothes, and some pyjama bottoms for tonight.”

“Thanks” Sirius croaked, with the tiniest of smiles, which didn’t reach his eyes. He turned to head down the hallway to the bathroom.

“Sirius?” He stopped in his tracks and turned to face Remus.

“How did you get to that bit of land? What happened?”

Sirius hesitated a bit, looked at his feet, then said “Camping trip gone wrong. Got lost, a bit of a misadventure… Anyway, I’m here now.”

And he was very much there, an angel clad fully in black, standing in Remus’ kitchen, doing his angel thing.

Remus looked at him, searchingly “Did… did anyone hurt you?”

Sirius chuckled, shook his head “No.” then looked up at him “Don’t worry I’m okay, really.”

Remus nodded, and that was that. Sirius continued down the hallway. Remus heard the door lock and the shower turn on.

Sirius woke up slowly, coming back to consciousness little by little. Looking around but failing to recognize the room. He was sprawled across a surprisingly soft double bed, covered with several plaid blankets. He could smell laundry soap, filter coffee and… “Remus!”

He sat up on the bed all of a sudden, and remembered… Meeting the cowboy on the dark prairie, coming to his home. The hot shower before bed. He must have slept well into the day as the sun behind the curtains looked like it had summited a couple of hours ago.

Sirius got up, tore off the pyjama bottoms he was wearing - must be Remus’ spares as they had a lasso pattern all over - and threw on the clean clothes he had left on the chair the night before. A faded brown T-shirt, boxers and a pair of blue jeans. The jeans would have been positively falling off Sirius’ frame had it not been for a brown leather belt -  with a preposterous cowboy buckle - which Sirius tightened as far as he could around his hips. He stared at his pale arms, almost blinding in the light of day, blue veins like thick spider webs on the inside of his elbows. Beautiful but cadaverous, really. He threw his own black mesh top over the brown T-shirt, hoping it would disguise them.

He walked into the empty kitchen and could smell it all. The half-eaten bowl of breakfast cereal abandoned in the sink. Filter coffee, now cold in the coffee maker. Stale cigarette smell and a distinct note of Remus: animal, soap and… cinnamon? He had left a note for him on the counter ‘Cereal in cupboard, coffee made and milk in fridge. Telephone is in the lounge. Gone out to do chores’.

Sirius smiled at the note, went into the fridge and poured himself a glass of milk. He threw on his Converse and headed outside to sit on the porch. The house was a bungalow, relatively small in size but surrounded by acres and acres of verdant pasture and arable land. He looked around to see if he could spot Remus, to no avail. He settled on the rocking chair in the shade of the porch and waited.

It was incredibly peaceful, really. The emptiness of the pastures. Only some cattle dotted in the distance. No humans, no cars, just the sound of insects buzzing in the late summer air. It was a far cry from his life in recent years, the crowding of human bodies in small, sweaty places. The grinding of skin on skin, voices, noises, smells. A life of utter dissolution. Sirius felt a wave of disgust growing, the usual sense of dread and self loathing. He was disgusted with himself, his bestial needs and cravings.

Remus appeared from around the house - where the stables must be - but 200 yards away, leading Gilly to a paddock. He cut a striking figure in the distance, tall, his hair a mess of soft brown curls, skin tanned by hours spent out in the sun. He was, Sirius guessed, a couple of years older than himself, maybe 26 or 27. Still incredibly young to be living on such a ranch all by himself. Once Gilly was in the paddock, Remus took the rein off her, standing on the gate and letting it swing back shut. When he turned around he spotted Sirius looking at him and waved, smiling and blinking in the sun. Sirius instinctively smiled and lifted a hand to wave back but remembered himself and toned it back.

In the evening, Remus came back to the house. “Managed to use the phone?” he asked. Sirius looked at him, not understanding.

“To call your family, or a friend I mean. Let them know you are safe.”

“Oh I see.” Sirius mumbled “Well, I don’t really have anyone I can call, to be honest.”

Remus stared at him, a sad look on his face.

“But I can leave tomorrow, you have been much too generous with your hospitality already. I really don’t wish to impose…”

Remus chuckled “Man, you really are a well-spoken sort of guy, aintcha?” He looked at Sirius with a reassuring smile.“Look, you don’t have to leave tomorrow. I’m not kicking you out. I have the spare bedroom available. If you need some time to figure things out, it’s yours.”

Sirius’ eyes teared up slightly. C’mon man, don’t be pathetic, but Remus had seen. 

Sirius turned quickly away, full of embarrassment “Well, thanks. I can’t repay you.”

“No biggie” said Remus, light-heartedly. He opened a drawer and picked out a pack of southern cuts. Took one out the pack, propped it between his lips and offered the pack to Sirius “Smoke?”

“Ok, then”, Sirius took one for himself. Remus extracted a Zippo from his jean pocket and flicked it open, moving in towards Sirius to light his cigarette. 

Sirius leaned in, angling the end to the flame and sucking in. He could feel Remus’ burning gaze on him, staring at him lighting his smoke. He looked up to catch Remus’ eyes and he held contact just for a few seconds. Letting him stare at him, but knowing that he was letting him and that he knew. Remus’ eyes were a thing of beauty from up close. A warm dark brown. Most importantly they had a spark behind them that only a man of great understanding can have. They spoke of challenge, of knowing, of curiosity. They were trying to figure him out. From this perspective and in the light of the Zippo, Sirius could also see the sign of trauma on Remus’ face. The nose had been broken and reset and several silvery scars adorned his face, some smaller, on his cheekbones and one across his nose. A larger one started at his right temple and cut across his lip ending on Remus’ chin. That must have been a vicious cut.

In a split second, the Zippo was retracted, Remus’ cigarette lit and he turned to ask “So, how do you feel about eggs and beans for dinner?”

Okay, so his cooking could do with some improvement. The scrambled eggs were a bit dry - he had run out of butter -  and he did get a bit of ash in there. Still, there was no reason at all for Sirius to be picking at his food and pushing it around his plate like that. He needed sustenance anyway, he had no fat on him and looked like he could do with a solid meal. Maybe Remus would make a steak tomorrow, Sirius was so pale it might actually be anaemia.

“So, the attacks you mentioned yesterday…” Sirius started, pushing a small bit of egg to the other side of the plate “What happened, exactly? How many have there been?”

Remus thought for a bit “Four attacks so far, all on cattle here in the area.”

“And the cattle… died? Or was stolen?”

“No, all dead, and something horrible as well. Three of Leighton Irvines’ cows and Hamish McLean’s best heifer as well. He was hoping to breed some premium calves from that one.”

“Not one of yours?”

“No, thankfully not. The attacks have been pretty brutal. The poor animals bled out, were mauled and gutted. Really violent. I can’t imagine that happening to my herd, I’m not sure I’d recover. I know they say that us farmers don’t care about our animals…”

“Any theories about what could be responsible for the attacks?” Sirius interrupted

“What is indeed a good question. No one is sure, seems too brutal for a coyote or a mountain lion. Superstitious local folk blame it on shapeshifters. I think it's’ more likely some crazy dude taking it out on these poor beasts before he starts going psycho killer on people.”

Sirius seemed startled into silence and didn’t meet his eye. “But you don’t need to worry, we are safe. I double-lock us in at night and got my Glock on me at all times. And a rifle, too, for good measure.”

Sirius swallowed, still looking unconvinced, and asked “What exactly is a shapeshifter?”

“Well’ it’s a creature that is able to transform from one form to another. For example from human to animal. The Navajos have skin-crawlers, witches that can transform into coyotes and such for evil-dong. Other examples would be werewolves or vampires, like in the movies.”

“And you believe that?”

“Well, these legends have been around since ancient times, so who am I for disbelieving them. It wouldn’t be my first way to place the blame but I like to keep an open mind”

Sirius stared at his plate , thoughtful for a second, then stood up. “I’ll do the dishes” and chucked his plate of eggs straight in the trash.

Sirius was lying in bed, wide awake, restless and very aware of the living, breathing Remus sleeping peacefully in the room next door. His pulse so delicious, softly dictating the rhythm of Sirius’ nightly torment. 

An almighty thirst, unquenchable, all-consuming and maddening. He was going to go mad, he knew it. Why on earth did he agree to come back to a place where a human lived. What had possessed him to agree and stay another night. Remus, who had been so kind to him, how could he put him in mortal peril like that. Sirius had decided, he would leave tomorrow. Tomorrow, he would be back out there, on the prairie, away from mankind. Only hurting innocent animals. He would have to move state to protect Remus and his herd. Tomorrow, tomorrow he would do it. 

Chapter Text

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It had been over a week since Sirius had come into his life. Just appeared out of nowhere on his land. Maybe he had plummeted from the sky, a fallen angel banished from heaven. He wasn’t a man of many words, Sirius. For the most part, he kept to himself in the house while Remus stuck to his usual routine: up early, feed the animals, check on them, move pastures when needed. Sort the supplies in time for winter, go for an evening ride on Gilly, then dinner and early to bed.

Still, having someone to share his dinner with had been a pleasant change from his lone wolf lifestyle. Before Sirius, entire weeks would go by where he wouldn’t utter a single word. On his next trip into town to buy groceries or supplies for the animals his words would come out all croaky and unnatural. Not that conversation had been free flowing with Sirius, but they did always share a cigarette before dinner, and a couple of times they listened to some of Remus’ tapes and just sat in each other’s company.

And, undeniably, there had been those looks. Those looks that made Remus feel a fire in his gut, something he had forgotten he could feel, or maybe had never felt before. It was always in the most mundane moments, when Remus was holding his Zippo out for Sirius, when Remus told Sirius to put on any tape he liked and he chose Remus' favorite, when he caught Sirius staring at him as he was riding Gilly back to the stables after his evening ride.

Their eyes would meet, electrifying, and each would hold eye contact just a bit too long, taking the other in. Neither ever broke contact first, it was mutual, and it felt gutsy, like a challenge, a loud statement. ‘I know you are looking at me and I am looking at you right back’. And how could he not look at Sirius, face like an angel and moving like a silky black cat around his house, on his porch and in his thoughts. Pacing constantly in his thoughts, like a stalking beast.

Remus sighed and turned back to look at the house, he could just make out Sirius’ black silhouette on the porch, staring straight back at him.

Sirius was weak. Not just physically, he did feel weak - not having sated his thirst in over a week -, but mentally and morally, knowing he should have left on the first day. And yet, despite the fact that each night locked in the house with Remus was torture, he couldn’t help but stay and be wholly and desperately immersed in Remus. Remus’ jeans, Remus’ scent, Remus’ half eaten bowl of cereal, Remus’ cigarette butts, Remus’ beard shavings in the bathroom sink. Remus, Remus, Remus.

“God, give me strength to leave” he muttered to himself. A futile plea, as he had forsaken God a while back. Or maybe they had forsaken each other, he wasn’t really sure. Anyway, he was a monster, not a man. There was no cozy country life waiting for him in his future, there was no point in him playing house and toying with Remus’ generosity.

It was approaching evening. Sirius looked up and stared at Remus in the paddock with Gilly. He had such a way with her, his firm but tender touch, slow and confident demeanor. It was not surprising that the mare complied to each of Remus’ commands and Sirius could tell, with his beastly sixth sense, that there was complete trust and loyalty between the horse and the young man. Damn it, was it possible to be jealous of a horse?

Remus had now mounted Gilly and was heading past the porch on his usual evening ride. He stopped, looking at Sirius, nodding his head in greeting, touching the rim of his cowboy hat with his hand for just a second.

“How about a ride?” Sirius’ eyes widened.

“You’re not planning to sit ‘ere all evening. Sun’s out, weather is still warm. I’ll get Gypsy saddled up if you want to join.”

“I- I don’t do very well in the sun” Sirius replied, abashed.

Remus dismounted, secured Gilly’s rein to the porch, and walked up to Sirius.

“There” he took his cowboy hat off and propped it on Sirius’ head “Better?”

Their eyes made contact and time stood still for a second. Remus smiled, softly, almost to himself.

“I’ll go and get Gypsy ready.”

Gypsy was a gray philly with a mercurial disposition. Remus could ride her no problem, but she had a natural distrust for Sirius, and despite him being a relatively experienced rider, Remus had to dismount Gilly and lead them by hand for most of the way.

It was a spectacular evening. The sun had just set but the sky was still bright with pinks, purples and blues on the horizon. In the evening light and the silence of the great pastures Sirius almost forgot himself and his affliction and smiled contentedly. He caught a quick glimpse of Remus spying on him and smiling as well. And he let him, because why not, it was just one evening and he wasn’t here to stay.

Back at the house, Sirius couldn’t help but notice Remus’ pronounced limping. He had noticed a slight limp before but the long walk after a day’s work must have made it that much worse.

“I’ll cook this time” Sirius said.

Remus looked surprised but smiled “Alright then!”

Dinner had been a success. Sirius had prepared a French-style omelette, rolled onto itself and still slightly runny in the middle. He’d quickly blanched some green beans and whipped up a white sauce to go with it. Remus had wolfed it all down, disappointed, by the look of it, that there wasn’t scope for seconds.

“Damn,” he had said, mouth full, “maybe you can bake me a pie as well tomorrow.”

“I’ll see what I can do” Sirius laughed

Remus looked up at him, surprised, but delighted.

They moved onto the porch to look at the night sky, taking the stereo and some tapes with them and a tin box Remus had grabbed from his own bedroom. This turned out to contain weed and smoking paraphernalia. He had never seen Remus smoke weed and was surprised as he led a pretty wholesome lifestyle. But then, he thought, he must only smoke to help with the pain he was obviously in. Remus was still limping and wincing every time he moved the wrong way.

Nonetheless, a joint was skillfully rolled, lit and offered to Sirius. He took it, sucking in a long drag and pointing at the sky.

“That’s Sirius” Remus looked at him, confused.

“That star, the bright one up there is Sirius, part of canis major, the greater dog. It’s the brightest star in the sky.” He went to pass the joint back to Remus who stared back, stupidly, at him.

“So you are named after a star?”

“Yep.”

“And not just any star,” Remus continued “the brightest fucking star in the sky?”

“Yep.”

“Anything else I need to know, like, I don’t know, you have nine lives, are able to fly and stay young and beautiful by eating people’s hearts or something?”

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“I speak fluent French. My family descends from Scottish nobility, their ancestral seat and 4,000 acre estate is near Inverness in Scotland. I attended a fancy prep school in upstate New York and can translate Latin to English and vice versa.”

Remus’ mouth was agape now “You’re kidding me”

“Nope.”

They smoked the rest of the joint in silence and stared at the sky.

“Remus?” Sirius started “What happened to your face? You know, the scars and… the limping.”

Remus grimaced, a pained look on his handsome face. “Oh yeah, you noticed that…”

“Hard not to notice, you have been hobbling around all evening.”

Remus nodded “I was in a pretty serious car accident when I was seventeen. It was bad. They barely managed to cut me out of the wreck. I was in a coma for several weeks.”

“Was it your car, were you at the wheel?”

“My car but I wasn’t driving” Remus made space for the lingering silence, not wanting to say any more.

“Did they… die?” Sirius asked, boldly.

Remus shook his head, only just, and lit another joint.

The evening breeze, being sat on the porch with Sirius listening to music. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so happy, so fulfilled.

He led a good life, now, and had to say he was content or at the very least neutral, most days. He knew he couldn't complain, and he didn’t. He was content living day by day with Gilly, looking after his animals.

This, he had not expected this. This sort of thing does not happen to guys like him. And it felt huge, like he could barely grasp it all and hadn’t yet seen the edges of it. It was just growing and growing with each second that Sirius was there, next to him.

They were each curled up in a rocking chair, Sirius wrapped up in a plaid blanket. His chair was the chair where Remus remembered his Grandma had sat in his childhood memories. The same chair where later Ma had sat in her final days before cancer took her a few years back.

Remus smiled, like an idiot, high as a kite, all shame and pain forgotten. He stared straight at Sirius who was still looking in the distance at the night sky.

The stereo blared out the opening notes of Lady Stardust and Bowie’s voice wailed out -

People stared at the makeup on his face
Laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace
The boy in the bright blue jeans
Jumped up on the stage
Lady Stardust sang his songs
Of darkness and disgrace

Sirius turned around, looking straight at him, not challenging this time, but soft and searching.

They sat like this, lost into each other’s eyes until the end of the song. And then the spell was broken, Sirius stood up “ ‘Am tired. Will go for a shower, then bed.”

Remus nodded and looked back up at the other Sirius, the one in the sky, and wondered if that Sirius was possibly less distant than the one inside his house.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Not only Sirius was starving, thirsty, famished, ravenous, in a house full of the tempting scent of Remus, pulsating with youthful masculine vigor, each heartbeat positively torturing Sirius and making his mouth water. Not only that, but Remus, high as a kite, had obviously decided it would be an excellent idea to shave the stubble on his chin before going to bed. He could smell the blood in the air before the first drop had stained the bathroom sink. And now Sirius was going positively crazy, a caged animal starved for weeks and ready to pounce. Most humiliatingly, he wasn’t just hungry, the telltale bloodshot eyes creeping in, making him look less and less human. Not only that, he was also, unmistakably… aroused. He must get out now. He felt his humanity slip further out of reach with each passing second.

In a flurry of limbs, he was out the house, running at superhuman speed through the prairie, as far as he could possibly get before he lost all human consciousness. And then, he smelled it, the old cow, slow and dying, in Remus’ barn. A natural victim waiting to be prayed upon. Before he could stop himself he was turning back towards the farm, running, panting, the excitement of the feast to come on his tongue and in his veins. Blood, blood, blood.

He came to with a gasp, startled, and he was standing a few yards away from Remus’ porch. He must be a state. He could feel the warm animal blood smeared around his mouth and dripping down his chin. His hands were bloodied and trembling. He must get inside and clean himself up before Remus got suspicious.

God, what had he done? One of Remus’ cows for fuck’s sake. He hated himself. He walked slowly towards the front door, which opened and closed behind him on its own accord even if Remus had double locked it. One of the perks of being a vampire. Once a human invites you into their home, you can get in any way you want.

Sirius headed towards the kitchen sink, turned the tap on hot and started scrubbing at his hands and his face, no mercy. Tears were streaming down his cheeks but he didn't care, he would think about that later.

“Hey” Sirius stood up, startled.

“It’s 3 am, what are you doing?” Remus stood in the doorway to the kitchen, wearing his pajama bottoms, a baggy T-shirt, a sleepy but worried expression on his face, hair a mess.

“Oh, yeah I… I couldn’t sleep.”

Remus looked questioningly at the front door “But you didn’t go outside? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I mean, no I… Just had a nightmare, that’s all.”

Remus stood there a moment, obviously deciding what to say next, shifting weight between his legs “Well, erm. Wanna - wanna sleep in my bed, maybe, if you’re scared or something I mean.”

Sirius’ eyes widened, a pang of guilt in his chest. If only Remus knew where he’d just been.

“N-no. I’m okay, really. Don't worry about it. I’ll just grab some water and go back to bed.”

Remus nodded, slightly more stooped than he had been a second before, and walked back to his bedroom.

Sirius was a piece of shit and he knew it. He felt filthy and wrong and evil for what he had done the night before. Still, he felt fucking fantastic. Full of strength, he had slept well for the first time in ages and his skin was glowing.

In contrast, he could see that Remus was sad and worried and walked around to his chores with a defeated demeanor that was unlike him. It was an unusually sunny and warm day for early October. Sirius stood on the porch in only a black T-shirt, unselfconscious of his arms after last night’s feast, enjoying the late afternoon.

Remus rode by on Gilly and greeted Sirius, a nod of his cowboy hat and a smile.

“How about a picnic tonight instead of dinner?”

“A picnic?” Sirius asked “Where?”

“Just down the west field, it catches the evening sun and we can bring a blanket.”

“Alright, then!” Sirius smiled “I’ll start prepping some food”

“I’ll be back in ten minutes or so” and rode off.

The picnic had been an excellent idea. The evening sun was warming rather than hot, and Sirius now had the pleasure to admire Remus lying on the plaid blanket, clad only in a white tank top and jeans, basking in the last few warm rays of sunshine of the season. His skin was a lovely hazelnut color, scattered with a myriad of brown freckles of all shapes and sizes. Webbed on his lean, muscular arms there were more silver scars. Sirius sighed, tracing lightly a particularly nasty one on Remus’ left arm with his pale finger. Remus barely took notice.

“What's wrong?” Sirius asked

Remus waited a moment, considering “I don’t want to scare you but there was another attack last night.”

Fuck, Sirius had been so in the moment he had almost forgot. “But this… thing. It only attacks animals, doesn’t it?”

Remus looked annoyed “Just animals? And how is that any better?. These animals are my livelihood, my life, my… friends.”

Sirius felt himself tear up. He hated himself. “I’m sorry… You’re right, it’s awful. What a stupid thing for me to say. I’m stupid.”

Remus sat up a bit, alarmed “Hey,”

“Heeeey,” he caressed Sirius’s chin with his hand “don’t say that. You’re anything but stupid. You’re…”

He tilted Sirius’ chin with his hand so that they were looking at each other, bathed in the evening light.

“You’re beautiful.”

Sirius didn’t know how long they spent like that, on the blanket, staring into each other’s eyes. It could have been one minute or one hour or a lifetime. It was dark now and they started packing up.

“Hey, Sirius” Remus started

“Yeah?”

“I need to go into town tomorrow to get some supplies. It’s also time we get you some clothes in your size, so we could hit the thrift store. Wanna come?”

“A trip into town, the famous Aberdeen, South Dakota?” Sirius asked

Remus nodded, smiling.

“Hell yeah!”

Chapter Text

Playlist here

“Whoop whoop! Road trip!” Sirius yelped in the truck, fixing his hair. He was wearing Remus’ sunglasses.

“I look hot in these, don’t I?” he smiled at him.

Remus felt himself blush “Erm… yeah, right. But you’re not keeping them, they’re mine. If you find a pair you like in the thrift store we can get you those.”

“Alright dad!” Sirius laughed back, mockingly.

“Oh shut up” still, he couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“So what are the sights in Aberdeen, South Dakota?” Sirius asked.

“The sights?” Remus thought for a second “Well, I guess The Land of Oz is the main one.”

“The Land of Oz? As in the Wizard of Oz?”

“Yes. Frank L. Baum, the author of the original novel, lived in Aberdeen for a while.”

“There’s no place like home” Sirius interrupted

“What?” Remus asked, confused.

“I’ll get you my pretty, and that little dog too!”

“That’s from the movie!” Remus objected

“Toto, we’re home!”

“Very funny, Sirius…”

They headed to the farm supply store first, then Walmart to get some groceries and basics for Sirius. It was a pitiful sight, what he had chosen for himself. A multipack of black socks, a multipack of black boxers, two black T-shirts, size S, conditioner, a cheap-looking hairbrush and the price value deodorant.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?”

“No, I’m fine, more than enough” Sirius looked unconcerned.

“Maybe you want something specific to eat or drink? Do you have a favorite type of beer, or wine? Something French?”

“No, I’m fine. Really, Remus.”

Remus sighed, they paid up and loaded the truck, headed for the thrift store.

The Goodwill in Aberdeen was in a massive unit, filled wall to wall with clothes racks, shelves with home decor, furniture, appliances and even yard machinery.

“Choose a few things you like, Sirius. We are heading towards winter so flannels and jumpers, and you’ll need a proper jacket. I’ll start from that side.”

Sirius headed the opposite way, without saying a word. Remus pushed his trolley and started scouting. Think black, think vampire, but cowboy.

After 20 minutes or so Remus had piled several T-shirts and flannels, a warm-looking jumper, a dark wash denim jacket lined with fleece, a black cowboy hat, black belt and a pair of black cowboy boots, and was pacing up and down the aisles trying to find Sirius.

“Where on earth did he go, I need him to try on these boots.” He got to the opposite end of the store, then back again until he heard the strumming of a guitar, slightly out of tune, turned the corner and spotted Sirius perched on an ugly floral footstool.

“Where on earth have you…”

Sirius turned around, smiling. “Oh, there you are Remus! Sorry, got distracted.” He stood up, going to place the guitar back on the shelf.

Remus sighed “Do you play?”

“Oh yes, I taught myself when I was at school.”

Remus looked at the guitar, then back at Sirius “How much is it?”

“Twenty bucks, but it needs a whole new set of strings.”

Remus nodded “I think I can live with that, now try on these boots.”

Sirius had been on a high since they bought the guitar. They stopped by the music store and bought new strings, some picks and a strap for good measure.

“One last stop” Remus said.

“Huh? Where? Not the Land of Oz thing, right?”

“No, don’t be silly” He parked outside the Three Broomsticks and pointed.

“I’m just going to go in and say hi to my friend Lily, wanna come in and meet her?”

Sirius narrowed his eyes “You are meeting your friend Lily at a bar and you want me to come with you?”

Remus laughed “Yeah. She has been my best friend since school. She works here. Come on.” They got out of the truck and entered the bar.

Best friend my ass. Lily was a busty redhead with large green eyes and an infectious smile. Her whole face lit up when she spotted Remus approaching the bar.

“Moony!” She came round to give Remus a tight hug.

“Hi Lils, what’s up? This is, erm, my friend Sirius.”

She took a good look at Sirius and smiled “Hi Sirius, nice to meet you. Welcome to Aberdeen.”

After a bit of catching up between Lily and Remus, she turned to him “So, how did you and Moony meet?”

“Moony?” He was confused.

She chuckled “Sorry, I meant Remus. It’s just second nature calling him Moony after so many years.”

“Oh, right…” Sirius looked at Remus in alarm. How could he explain how they had met without sounding like a freak?

“Well, I was, erm… hitchhiking and Remus… he gave me a lift. But, you see, I was also lost and, yeah, needed to figure things out so, yes, he let me stay for a bit.”

Lily turned to Remus, a fond look on her face “That’s our Moony. The best of all of us, always.” and smiled at Sirius.

They left the Three Broomsticks slightly tipsy and at the end Lily had even given Sirius a big hug and a genuine “Lovely to meet you Sirius. Do come back!”

“So” Sirius started, after a solid five minutes of silence in the truck as they were driving back to the ranch. Maybe it was the beer taking away his inhibition, or maybe the excitement of the day in general.

“Lily seems pretty nice. Very nice, actually. Very pretty. Is she - definitely just a friend?”

“My best friend.” Remus corrected.

“Always only a friend?”

Remus chuckled “Alright, fine. She was my first kiss, my first girlfriend… if you take my meaning.”

Sirius swallowed, staring at Remus who was focused on the road ahead “How long were you guys together?”

“No time at all, it didn’t work out. We were friends before, we’ve stayed friends after…”

“Why did it not work out?” Sirius rushed to ask

Remus laughed “God, you’re nosy aintcha? Well, if you must know, she is not my type.”

“Not your type? What does that even mean? She’s gorgeous!” Sirius protested, angrily

Remus rolled his eyes, like Sirius was being really, really thick, and turned to look at him “Look, I know, and she is only half as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside, but I don’t swing that way.”

Sirius’ breath caught. Remus looked at him, frustrated.

“Look, I like guys, okay? Not both, just guys, happy?”

Sirius blushed, nodding and turned to look out the passenger window for a while.

“Why Moony?” Sirius couldn’t resist. Like a moth to the flame, he kept going back to Remus.

Remus smiled, rather cheekily, at Sirius “Moonage Daydream”

“What, the Bowie song?”

“Yeah, I was obsessed with it when I was younger. I guess the name just stuck…”

“A bit vintage for you, isn’t it? How old are you - 26, 27? Surely you weren’t out there buying Bowie albums aged three.”

“I’m twenty-seven, thank you very much. And you’re right, it was my Ma. She was the biggest Bowie fan, so I kind of grew up with it. After Pa died we only had each other, and we both loved Bowie. So, even in the darkest days, we could dream of space travel and the Spiders from Mars.”

Sirius looked at Remus. Felt the love, the loss, the pain of being left alone in the world so young “When did she pass?”

Remus’ eyes were still fixated on the road but shiny now “Six, no seven years ago now.”

Sirius nodded , waiting a second, before trying to take the tension out of the moment. He started singing -

I’m an alligator
I’m a mama-papa comin’ for you

He winked at Remus

I’m the space invader
I’ll be a rock’ n’ rollin’ bitch for you

Remus burst out laughing.

Keep your mouth shut
You’re squawking like a pink monkey bird
And I’m bustin’ up my brains for the words…

And they were home.

When they had got back, Sirius had helped pack away the groceries and had tried to sneak off to put on some of his new clothes from Goodwill.

“You can’t wear that without washing it, it’s gross!” Sirius had protested that he didn’t care but after a while he had been banished to his room to fold his new socks and replace the strings on his new guitar.

In a huff, Remus loaded the washer with Sirius’ new clothes, shutting the door with perhaps too much gusto. He then headed outside to sort out the new supplies for the animals he had got from the farm store. When he came back to the house he went straight for a shower, no sign of Sirius, but he could hear soft strumming coming from his room.

When he got out of the bathroom he was enveloped by the most delicious smell. He headed to the kitchen, where something was simmering on the hob. The front door was open and he could hear soft strumming coming from the porch. Sirius was sitting on the rocking chair, wearing his flannel, practicing a few chords.

“Oi, that’s my shirt you’re wearing!” Remus objected.

“You insisted on putting my new stuff in the wash, so I’m wearing this until they’ve dried. You wouldn’t want me to get cold, would you now?” He made a mocking pouty face that was more adorable than infuriating.

“Alright, fair point. What’s cookin’?”

“Coq-au-vin.”

Remus blinked for a second “Cock - what?”

Sirius chuckled “Coq-au-vin. It’s a French dish of chicken thighs cooked in a red wine sauce.”

Remus looked at him suspiciously “I thought we didn’t buy any wine!”

“You can’t know all of my secrets, Remus.” Sirius replied in a mock-affronted tone.

“Baked me a pie, yet?” Remus grinned

“For dessert we have lemon posset.”

Remus’ mouth fell open “You made dessert?”

Dinner was frankly delicious, five stars, a triumph. Remus was pleased there was enough for seconds, even if Sirius was still pushing food around the plate, which worried him.

They moved out to the porch for a beer and a smoke, Sirius picking up his guitar. After a few minutes of warming up strums and chords, Sirius started singing, out of the blue.

An acoustic rendition of Wild Horses by the Rolling Stones. He had a lovely voice, not perfect, but full of emotion and feeling. Remus loved it, he stared at Sirius so intently that he forgot about the cigarette in his hand, which burnt out singing his finger.

I know I’ve dreamed you
A sin and a lie
I have my freedom
But I don’t have much time

Faith has been broken
Tears must be cried
Let’s do some living
After we die

And then the chorus, slow and meaningful

Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away …

Remus was in love. Head over heels, inside out and sideways. With every fiber of his being, in each one of his thoughts, in love with Sirius, a perfect stranger.

He was still staring when Sirius finished singing and looked up at him, straight at him.

“I…” he swallowed “Erm, yeah.” Why could his brain no longer form words? For Christ’s sake, how pathetic.

Sirius smiled, sweetly. Remus stood up, gave him a nod. “Thanks for dinner, it was… great. I better go… lots of work tomorrow.”

As he walked to his bedroom he could still hear Sirius’ strumming on the porch. He sighed.

Sirius woke up early, relative to his usual, oddly well rested. He took a peer outside the window and saw a wall of water, rain coming down thick and relentless. He threw on Remus’ flannel, his new black top and some jeans and headed for the bathroom. After splashing his face with cold water and brushing his teeth he headed towards the kitchen. His ears perked up - he wasn’t alone. Remus’ bedroom door was ajar.

“Hey Remus!” Remus stood at the window, smoking and staring outside, lost in thought. Sirius threw himself on Remus’ bed, stretching fully and relaxing. Letting the scent of Remus surround him.

“Aaah, that’s so nice” he started again “the radio said there’d be no sun all week.”

Remus finally replied “Only you would say that.”

He had taken the bait.

“What,” he looked at Remus, coyly, “the idea of spending a couple of days in bed doesn’t delight you?”

Remus shot him a sideway glance, sucking on his cigarette.

Sirius diverted his attention to Remus’ bedside table, a messy pile of books on top. “Whatcha readin’?” He picked up the one on top of the pile - The Great Gatsby. “Boring!” he chucked it to the other end of the bed. He picked up the next book - Anne Rice’s The Vampire Lestat. Sirius snorted “Do you really read this trash? Aren’t you too clever for this?”

Remus looked at him, affronted, “It’s entertaining, okay?”

Sirius gloated, glad to have got Remus’ attention at last. “Mmmh, are there more books in here?” He started opening the top drawer on Remus’ bedside table, slowly, teasingly. Looking intently at Remus’ reaction. Remus jumped in alarm, pointing at Sirius in warning “Don’t.”

Sirius smiled, knowingly. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Remus, maintaining eye contact, triumphant. He slowly got off the bed and joined Remus by the window, never breaking eye contact. Sirius smiled, invitingly, and Remus looked at him, still stoic, as if deciding what to do. He stubbed out his cigarette and took a step towards Sirius.

They were awfully close now, looking into each other’s eyes, searching. Then, Remus took Sirius’ face in his hands, softly but firmly, and pulled him in for a kiss. Remus was smoke and coffee and vanilla and cinnamon cereal. His lips were soft, full and perfect. Their kiss was tender and almost chaste at first, until Sirius parted his lips slightly, allowing Remus’ tongue to slip in, searching, exploring. Their kisses became more urgent, needy, intense. Sirius’ hands started caressing Remus’ chest and moved up to his neck, exploring, caressing, tugging.

He broke the kiss and turned his head to tend to Remus’ soft neck. A thousand small kisses from his collarbone to his ear. He could feel it, Remus’ pulse, a fast thump-thump. He traced Remus’ jugular with his tongue, teasing himself and Remus, who let out an audible groan. Sirius was so aroused, this was torture, he wasn’t sure if he could take it. But he could smell the arousal in Remus too, strong and needy and all-consuming.

He cupped Remus’ face in his hands and looked into his big brown eyes. They were glassy with desire, unfocused, maddening. He crashed his face into Remus’ with a forceful kiss, his tongue exploring, then biting on his lower lip.

“Ow!” The familiar ferrous smell, a break of the skin. He could feel his eyes turning - oh fuck.

Remus took a step back “You bit me! Ouch!” he obviously looked up and saw Sirius’ bloodshot, beastly eyes and gasped.

“Sirius! Your face…”

Sirius’ breathing was panicked now, both for the scent of blood and for the fear of being discovered by Remus.

“I - I’m so sorry Remus. I - fuck!”

Chapter Text

Playlist here

The weather had definitely turned into the customary South Dakotan fall - it was cold, it was wet and the days were getting shorter and shorter. Remus could feel it in his bones, in his dodgy hip, which each year around this time played up due to the cold humidity. He needed his walking stick during these times, which was a bit humiliating, especially in front of Sirius. None of that mattered now, because he felt totally and overwhelmingly crushed, more so than he had felt ten years ago after the accident, when he had to learn to walk again.

It had been two days since the incident with Sirius in his room, and he still didn’t know what to make of it. The rain had eased off and yet they hadn’t caught a glimpse of blue sky in days. Sirius seemed to be thriving in the drizzly weather, maybe it was his Scottish roots, or the distinct lack of sunshine, who knew. Remus looked at him now, he had tied his hair in two plaits at the back of his head, was wearing his black cowboy hat and the denim jacket from Goodwill. He was a sight even now, after everything that had transpired. He had definitely been compensating over the last couple of days, helping out with the animals. He looked so young, beautiful and innocent. Remus felt a burning surge of anger.

—

“Ow! You bit me - ouch!” he looked at Sirius, and it wasn’t Sirius.

His eyes were almost white, cloudy, but bloodshot. A network of blue capillaries prominent and popping around his eyes. He looked at Sirius’ lips, usually pink and soft, and they were stained with blood, two small fangs poking out at each corner.

“Sirius! Your face -”

“I - I’m so sorry Remus… I - fuck!”

He was at a loss for words. Sirius was panicking, breathing heavily, frantic. Then everything clicked into place, made sense.

“It was you. All this time, it was you.”

“Remus, please, let me explain… I can’t control it… No, I can, but only sometimes… Oh,”

“My animals…” Remus sobbed “What are they? Fodder, to you? Expendable? That’s why you stayed here?”

“Remus, no. I’m sorry, okay? I had to. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

“You can’t promise this, you’re not in control.”

Sirius took his face between his hands “I promise.”

Remus looked up and straight at Sirius “What even are you?”

—

He heard Sirius’ footsteps approaching.

“Are you planning to sit there all day looking so grumpy?” Sirius was standing over him as he took a rest and sat down on the porch for a minute.

“Maybe we could do something together?” Sirius smiled, encouragingly, but a bit shy.

“I don’t think… I mean, I have a lot to do, so…”

“I can help! Please? I miss you…” Sirius interjected.

“Well, yeah, fine, but are you feeling okay? You look kinda - tired.”

Sirius stared down at his feet, a tad bashful “Oh yes, totally fine! I’m just - Well, nevermind…”

“I see ” Remus spat out.

—

“A… what?” Remus was dumbfounded

“A vampire” Sirius whispered, pathetically

Remus blinked, once, twice, three times. “Are you on drugs, is that what this is? You found the ketamine stash in the cupboard?”

“No!” Sirius was firm now, annoyed. “That’s what I am, a vampire.”

Remus couldn’t believe it. “Like, the blood sucking Dracula type?”

“Is there any other type?” Sirius answered, flippantly

“How old are you?” Remus asked

“Twenty-three.”

“How old are you, really?”

“Twenty-three.”

Silence. “When were you… turned?”

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his feet “A few months ago, in May, when I was living in New York.”

Remus had so many questions, he just kept asking them. Hoping desperately they might help him feel better. “Who turned you? How - how does it work?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Sirius looked away, avoiding his eyes.

“Well you’re fucking living with me. Endangering me and my herd, and I want to know, so we’re talking about it.”

Sirius’ eyes widened, hurt, “Remus - I…”

“Yes I know you’re sorry, you’ve already said that” his voice was raised now “Because, really, Sirius. What the fuck. WHAT - THE - FUCK?” He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Throwing his boots roughly on, grabbing any jacket and out the house.

He had been out in the pouring rain for a solid two hours, pacing the prairie, soaked from head to toe, until he admitted defeat. He went back to the house, squelching and shivering. Sirius was waiting there when he walked through the door. “Remus I -”

“Don’t.”

They had barely spoken since.

How could everything have gone so wrong? It was his own fault, of course. How could he have dreamt that he could have something normal, something wholesome? He traced the spot on his cheeks where Remus’ hands had held him only a couple of days before. Trying to remember Remus’ touch, Remus’ hot, needy breaths. His kiss, his lips…

But everything was over now, he knew it. The spell had been broken, Remus wouldn’t, knowing what he was. He should leave already.

He listened intently at the quiet of the house. The only noise was the sound of running water from the shower which Remus was now taking. Sirius couldn’t leave him now. He had seen Remus with his walking stick. Broken, in body and spirit, closed in on himself. He would do anything, anything to take it all away for Remus. The pain, the angst, the sadness. The shower was turned off and a while later Remus emerged from the bathroom wearing his pyjamas and leaning heavily on his walking stick. He saw Sirius waiting for him at the end of the hallway.

“Smoke?” he held up Remus’ pack of southern cuts, a ploy to get Remus to talk to him.

“Okay.” Remus walked past him towards the porch, and Sirius followed.

Outside, both cigarettes lit, Sirius asked “How are you feeling?”

“ ‘M alright. ”

Sirius sighed “Moony, don’t be a child, please…”

“Don’t call me Moony.”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to reach out.”

Silence. “Remus, listen. I care about you" Remus scoffed “and I’d do anything, anything to make you feel better.” Sirius continued.

“But you need to give me something. Otherwise, I won’t have any idea how to help you.”

“I don’t need your help!” Remus yelled, turning to leave, Sirius grabbed him by the wrist, tugging him back.

“Remus, please” He was crying, now. Begging, “Please…” He sobbed.

Something in Remus’ gaze softened and he swallowed.

He looked down at Sirius and nodded “Ok then. Ok.”

He pulled Sirius in a hug, letting him sob on his chest. The silence of the prairie enveloping them.

Things were almost back to normal. Almost, because Sirius knew that something within Remus had hardened. He was healthy again, no walking stick, no limp, and for every intent and purpose he appeared to be back to his usual easy-going self. But his walls were up, guarded and Sirius hadn’t caught a glimpse of the sweet, vulnerable Remus he had come to love in a while.

It had been three weeks since he had feasted on Remus’ cow and he felt his strength was failing him. His sleep had been terrible, tormented by vivid nightmares of the night he was turned and equally vivid dreams of Remus. Remus, tanned arms and firm grip, riding Gilly bareback in the rain. Remus, smiling and looking at him that way as he sang Wild Horses on the porch. Remus, bare chested, on his bed, Sirius straddling him and tugging at his brown curls.

Sirius blushed and looked up at the real life Remus. Glorious looking, in his cowboy hat and chaps atop Gilly, herding cows. Sirius had been helping with the workload more and more in the past weeks. Today, he had followed Remus in the truck and helped him unload some hay on different pastures.

Once Remus was done, he approached the truck. “Break?” Sirius asked.

“Break.” Remus grabbed the coffee flask from the cabin and they went to sit at the back of the truck, leaning on the hay bales. He was sweaty with the effort of riding and panting. He poured himself a cup of coffee. Sirius watched his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he gulped on the hot liquid. His jugular pulsating, just next to it on the long, freckled neck. Delicious, tempting, enticing.

Sirius felt his eyes changing and gasped, quickly looking down. He was so thirsty, so desperate, so aroused.

Remus looked at him, quizzically “Sirius - are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, all fine. Just tired, haven’t been sleeping well. ” Remus looked like he understood, and nodded.

This was too dangerous. Remus was right, he couldn’t control himself, he could snap at any moment, hurt Remus, kill him even. He would leave tonight, for good. It was in everyone’s best interest.

One last evening with Remus, then he would cherish the memories of his time on the ranch forever. For the rest of his damned life.

He did bake Remus a pie in the end. A final act of love for this man he had known barely a month and yet had meant more to him than anyone before. It was a simple apple pie, lots of cinnamon and vanilla, just like Remus.

This is how he wanted to remember him, child-like and excited and eating second and third helpings of everything.

“You’re really the limit” He laughed at Remus who had managed to get whipped cream on the tip of his nose in the rush to scarf down another slice of pie.

Remus chuckled, wiping his nose with his hand “It’s just too good Sirius.” The first genuine smile in weeks.

They looked at each other for a second, until Sirius asked “Smoke, porch?”. Remus followed.

Sirius picked up his guitar and started freestyling. He was in no mood to talk, and Remus seemed content enough to smoke, listen and look into the distance.

He felt like Nick Drake that night, it seemed apt.

Black eyed dog he called at my door

Remus turned to look at him.

The black eyed dog he called for more
A black eyed dog, he knew my name

He could feel Remus’ gaze on him, burning.

I’m growing old and I wanna go home
I’m growing old and I don’t wanna know

He finished the song with a guitar flourish and looked up at Remus. There were tears in his eyes. “Sirius I - ”

Sirius stood up, smiling, avoiding Remus’ hand trying to keep him there.

“Good night, Remus” and he walked inside to his bedroom. They both knew he wouldn’t be there in the morning.

Chapter Text

Playlist here

Remus woke up at six, like always, to start his day’s work. He got up, headed to the bathroom and stopped. He knew Sirius would be gone, he could either confirm this now or wait until after the shower and grant himself another fifteen minutes of desperate hope. He chose the first option, heading towards the spare bedroom and lightly pushing the door open. Empty, he had never gone to bed by the look of it. All of his things were still there other than the clothes he had been wearing the first time.

Remus half walked, half ran to the front door. It was double-locked, just as he had left it. God only knew how Sirius had got out. He wasn’t even sure why he double-locked the door anymore, as he had known for a while now that the ‘monster’ responsible for the attacks had been on the inside. Maybe he was trying to heep the monster on the inside, desperately trying to prevent him from leaving Remus. A guttural sob sounded through the house and Remus realized it had come from him, he was sobbing.

He headed towards the phone and dialed Lily’s number. It was really early and she would have only gone to bed a handful of hours ago, after her shift at the Three Broomstick. A few rings and then Lily’s voice, sleepy even through the receiver “Who’s this?”

“Lils…”

“Moony? What’s up?” She sounded worried

“He’s gone, Lily. Sirius is gone…” He sobbed

“Oh, Moony… ”

The weather had been suitably awful since Sirius’ departure. Remus had taken the time to perfect a new, miserable, routine. Wake up at six, cigarette, cold shower, black coffee and no breakfast. Do all your chores with minimum energy and whilst smoking. For lunch, a slice of dry toast, two cigarettes and more black coffee. A long ride on Gilly in the rain, then sorting out the animals before sundown. A can of whatever food was in the cupboard - soup, corn, peas or beans. Self-flagellation by listening to Wild Horses or Lady Stardust or Black Eyed Dog on repeat whilst chain-smoking and drinking too many beers sat on the porch in the cold, staring into the distance. He really had this shit down.

It was during one of these rides on Gilly that he spotted it: a large black shadow stalking through the wilderness. Remus squinted, trying to get a better look. It was a black coyote, he’d never seen one of these before. He knew that melanistic animals were extremely rare in the wild. And yet there it was, now out of sight, his canis major, a sign. Another creature of the night. Remus looked up at the sky, searching for Sirius the star, out there in space, well above the South Dakota clouds. He allowed himself to believe, for a second, that if he wished it hard enough, his Sirius might come back one day.

It had been decided, Remus would snap himself out of his rut. What would Sirius think of him if he came back and found him skinny, coughing from too many smokes and self-pitying? No, it would not do. After securing the animals for the night, he headed straight for the bathroom. Ran the tap on hot to fill the sink, splashed his face a couple of times and started lathering shaving cream on his chin, cheeks and neck. Pulling at the skin and maneuvering the razor around his jawline, considering. “Ow!” he cried. He had nipped at his chin. A drop of crimson fell into the full wash basin. Remus stared at it, transfixed, and thought. Yeah, that’s where he would start from.

He toweled off the rest of the shaving cream and rushed to the kitchen, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper. He jotted down a list.

- Library
- Ma
- Food
- Lils

“Excellent” He muttered to himself, “That’s the master plan.”

Remus woke up with renewed purpose that morning, had a hot shower, ate breakfast and did all his chores and headed into town in time to be the first through the doors at the Aberdeen Public Library, which opened at 9.30 am.

He walked up to the clerk and asked politely “Good morning Ma'am, I wondered if you could help me.”

The tag read ‘Mrs Pince’. “Good morning, of course. What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if you could print out a list of all books about vampires you have at the library.”

“Vampires, dear?”

Remus nodded, eagerly.

“Well, I guess with Halloween in just a few days you want to do some research.”

“Yes, that’s right. Want to make sure I’m in character for a… costume party.”

“Alright, dear. Give me a minute. This might take a while…”

“I’m in no rush.”

It turns out that quite a few books are about, or at least mention, vampires. Remus decided to take out the classics: Dracula, Carmilla, The Vampyre and Varney the Vampire. Most modern adaptation seemed to him to be trash but he took out some more Anne Rice, George R. R. Martin and Stephen King. That should keep him busy for a while. He put the lot in the truck and now it was time to go and see Ma.

He drove into the cemetery car parking lot and bought a bunch of flowers from the little stall that had been there since he was a child. Through the main gates, first left then take the right at the big bur oak tree and keep going. And there they were, the Lupin family. Four small headstones waiting for him. Grandpa, Grandma, Pa and Ma, all together, all ready to listen to him. Remus knelt and cleared some dead leaves from their graves. Fussed a bit whilst replacing the flowers on Ma’s and Grandma’s graves, splitting his bunch in two. He gathered himself, “Ma, I miss you so much. I miss you every day.”

His eyes teared up and all of a sudden, tears were streaming down his face, but he felt peaceful. “I’ve met someone Ma, someone good, I promise. Well, technically not good. Technically, evil by default. But he is good, his heart is in the right place, I know it. And I love him, but he is scared. He has a scary… condition. He needs help. What do you think, Ma? Will you help me look after him? He needs a family, he has nobody. Well, like me.”

He was quiet now, listening to the wind shaking the russet leaves off the trees, listening to his own heartbeat. Feeling his mom, holding him, from up above.

Remus drove up to the Three Broomsticks and parked outside. It seemed relatively quiet, so hopefully he’d manage to have a good catch up with Lily, even if she was on her shift.

“Hi Lils”

“Moony!” She looked at him with concern, “How are you doing?”

Remus shrugged, looking at his feet.

“How about some food, then?”

Remus’ stomach lurched - he hadn’t had a hot meal in days. He nodded at Lily, “Cheeseburger with fries and a coke. Make it a double, please”

She gave him a knowing smile “Anything for my Moony. I’ll go tell the kitchen and see if I can take my lunch break now, as it’s still quiet.”

“So,” Lily sat down, setting two cokes on the table, “Tell me about Sirius.”

“Oh, Lily. It’s such an odd story. I don’t even know where to begin…” He looked up and saw Lily’s reassuring smile, telling him to go on.

“So, as you know, I erm… kind of picked him up from the middle of nowhere. He was lost, looked like he needed help and a place to stay so I… took him in.”

He stopped, the memories too much for him now.

“Where does he come from?”

“New York, I think. I’m really not sure, but I know he was living there earlier this year…”

“And you guys… bonded, in the time he was staying with you?”

Remus looked up at her, defensive, “No, well, yes, I mean… Nothing happened. There was one kiss but then, well…”

One of the other servers came up to their table and handed Remus his cheeseburger and a plate of fries for Lily.

“I think he is going through something.” Remus continued, “Some sort of trauma he is coming to terms with. Like, a new way of living. And he is not sure if he can do it and was scared that I’d reject him for it, so he left.”

Lily’s eyes were sad but understanding. She gave a nod and reached out to grab one of Remus’ hands.

“Well, Moony, if there is one person who has learnt to live with trauma and make the most of it, it is you. I really hope Sirius finds his way back to you, if you want him to.”

“I do.” Remus stated.

They ate the rest of their food in companionable silence.

Talking to Lily had lifted a weight off his chest. He knew what he wanted - for Sirius to come back - and what he wanted to help him with - to come to terms with his… condition. He now hoped and prayed that Sirius would feel the same. That by Remus sending thoughts and longing for Sirius into the universe, he would somehow receive the message and come back to him.

He unloaded the truck and set off on his evening ride on Gilly. He was craving a smoke but wouldn’t give in to temptation. Out there, on the prairie, the wind whipping his face, he felt alive again. He felt he had so much to live for, so much time left. And yet he also felt small, a grain of sand in the desert that is space and time and the human condition.

He thought of Chris and the accident and learning to walk again. Of going for rides on Gilly strapped in and propped up because his back and legs couldn’t quite hold him. How far he had come, and how he now hoped to help another.

The first time he met Chris Barley had been at the English Lit study group. He had been a year younger than Remus, from a prominent family in Aberdeen and very high-achieving, with hopes of Ivy League colleges and a career in finance or the law.

Remus had known for a while that he was gay by that point, ever since his failed ‘relationship’ with Lily. His sexuality however was not something he felt safe openly discussing in school. In a small town like Aberdeen, people had a tendency to mock and judge.

It had been Chris to make the first move, rather boldly, by asking Remus if he had read and enjoyed Renault’s The Charioteer - he had. And so it had started, a secret relationship that was made of stolen glances at school, written notes left in each other’s lockers and formal invitations to ‘study groups’ made to each other’s parents.

“Good afternoon, Mrs Barley. Remus Lupin here. Could you ask Chris if he will be able to attend the English Lit study group tomorrow evening?”

And so, the rest of the school year had passed, punctuated by secret meetings and trysts in Remus’ car. Remus’ first real, albeit secret, relationship.

That summer, the summer after he turned seventeen, had been a fevered dream. Chris and Remus spent nearly every afternoon together out on the prairie or swimming in the river or reading poetry or in Remus’ car, bodies hot against each other, needy. It was at the end of one of these days that the accident happened. They had shared a couple of beers, made love in the car and Chris, who had only just got his license, was showing off his driving. It all happened in a flash. Bright headlights and the crash of metal against wood.

Remus came to, briefly, as they were cutting him out of the wreck. “Chris…” he mumbled, before everything went black again. He had been in a coma for three weeks. When he woke up he was told he had been found alone in the passenger seat of his car, which had collided disastrously with a tree. He had been lucky to be alive. His Ma had been devastated and had begged and begged him to tell her or the police who had been driving, so that they could be held accountable. But Remus never did. He knew it hadn’t been Chrs’ fault, and even if Chris never came to visit him in hospital, never called him to ask how he was doing with his rehab and physio, never even wrote him a “Get Well Soon’ card, he understood.

The last he had heard of Chris, from Lily, was that he had gone to Duke’s, graduated, married his college girlfriend, and was living in the city and working for a prestigious law firm. Remus hoped he was happy, even if he knew he couldn’t be.

His Ma had died not long after Remus had fully recovered physically from the accident. It had taken Remus years to bring the ranch back up to scratch, and with the workload and the isolation he never really had much time for dating. There had been Seth, a traveling salesman whom he had met at the Three Broomstick. They only saw each other about once a month when he was in town. Then there had been Grant, a Northern University student whom he had dated for about a year. They never lived together and it ended once Grant had graduated and decided to move back to Pennsylvania.

A pretty uneventful dating life, Remus considered, perched up in bed with only his nightstand light on. He looked at the pile of books he had taken out from the library earlier that day and said “Might as well start with the fundamentals.” He picked up Dracula and cracked it open.

Chapter Text

Playlist here

Sirius stopped at a phone box in the middle of nowhere. It had been a few hours since he’d left Remus’. He was in Wisconsin now, if he had to hazard a guess. He took out a few cents from his pocket, crouched down to untie his left Converse, lifting the tongue to expose the label sewn on the inside. On it, months ago, Sirius had scribbled ‘Prongs - 555 -0128’.

He dialed the New York number and the phone rang for a bit in the quiet of the early morning.

“James speaking” a voice rang out.

“Prongs!” Sirius exclaimed

“Pads? What the fuck! Where on earth are you?! Where the hell have you been?”

Sirius hesitated, “Erm, Wisconsin, I think… Listen, Prongs, I fucked up big time…”

“Come home, Pads. Nothing can be that bad. We’ll sort it out.”

Sirius nodded into the receiver.

“Pads, are you still there?”

“I’m nodding.”

Sirius was planning to go back to New York, he really was, but first he wanted to go and see Reg. It had been years since he'd seen his brother in the flesh. Two whole years since his allowance finally kicked in and he had been able to sever ties with his family.

His upbringing had been difficult. It was hard to describe it to people when all they could see was a life lived in extreme privilege. He and his younger brother Regulus had been home schooled at the Black mansion in New Hampshire by a selection of private tutors before being sent off to a top-tier, all-boys boarding school in New York State. That was when Sirius had first felt that he was coming into his own. He grew his hair long, listened to rock ‘n’ roll and rebelled as much as he could. He fell in love for the first time, with Prongs - James -, his roommate and best friend. After finishing school, they both went their separate ways. Prongs attended college in Cambridge, MA and Sirius wen on to study Liberal Arts in New York.

Sirius’ parents had been strict growing up, Walburga, his mother, had been an embittered snob who manipulated her way into the New England upper class. Orion, his father, had been emotionally absent and an enabler for all of Walburga’s whims and fits of rage. Little Regulus, quiet, studious and rule-abiding had been the perfect child whilst Sirius was the black sheep. After Orion had died when Sirius was seventeen, drank himself into an early grave, it had only gotten worse.

Walburga had thrown a wrathful tantrum when Sirius had announced he was going to study Art in New York. She couldn’t stop him though, thanks to a college fund that his uncle Alphard had set aside for him. Once he turned twenty-one, Alphard’s inheritance kicked in and Sirius became entitled to an allowance from the Black estate which he and Regulus had inherited from Orion.

“Don’t need a faggot son anyway.” Had been Walburga’s comment. Sirius hadn’t been home since.

Sirius had purchased a one bedroom flat in the Upper East Side and systematically proceeded to lead a life of utter hedonism and dissolution. Thanks to some of the connections he had made at Art School, he became a bit of a socialite in the art and party circles of Manhattan. He got invited to the gallery openings, partied until sunrise at the ‘it’ clubs, always got a table at the restaurants with a two-year waiting list. At this very moment, a nude painting of Sirius adorned the Park Avenue penthouse of a Russian oligarch, courtesy of a painter he had dated for a while. With his beauty, wit, world-class education and penchant for party drugs and love affairs, Sirius had created quite a reputation for himself. He was bright, young and desirable. And that was how he had met Tony.

Tony… “Fuck Tony!” Sirius spoke out, startling an old lady who was walking past him on the street. She stared at him, up and down, and shook her head in disapproval. He was now in Manchester, New Hampshire. The Black mansion was an incumbent Victorian building at the edge of the town. It was evening now and already dark. He looked up and could see a light coming from Reg’s bedroom. He was home, then. He nimbly climbed the large oak tree at the side of the house, just as they used to do when they were little. A solid branch led almost directly to Reg's bedroom. He straddled it and moved forward.

He knocked on the glass, which rattled softly “Reg! Reg!”

Regulus’ pale face appeared, startled.

“Sirius?” He could only see Reg’s lips moving really, as the window was still closed. Reg pulled it open and said “Sirius? What are you doing here?!”

“Just visiting my darling brother.”

“You know we have a front door, don’t you?”

“Don’t really want to see Mother. Can I come in?”

Reg thought about it for a second, then moved aside and gestured for Sirius to come in. Regulus’ room hadn’t changed much. It was tidy, meticulously so, but now the school paraphernalia had been replaced by college ones - he had attended Brown’s, like Orion - and pictures of him at his college graduation ceremony, flanked by Walburga.

“How have you been, anyway?” Sirius started.

“How have I been? How have you been, Sirius. Or, rather, where have you been? It’s been, what, three years almost? No phone call, no Christmas cards, no nothing. I thought you were dead or something!” Regulus looked at him, incredulously.

“In a sense, I was.” Sirius felt awful, he had always loved Reg, but in a way he also resented him for having such a good relationship with their mother.

“I’m sorry Reg, I really am. I couldn’t handle it, you know, with Mother. As soon as I became independent I had to leave, to be my own person.”

“You could have called me, just me. You know, at college. Or written to me.”

Regulus looked young but much older and more mature than Sirius had remembered him. They were two drops of water, similar but not the same. Reg was slightly taller, lankier, with his hair cut short, a dark halo around his face, and deep blue eyes.

“You are right, Reg. In all honesty I was… in a bad place. There are a lot of things I regret, not calling you is one of them.”

Reg exhaled, shaking his head and taking a seat on his bed. Gesturing Sirius to do the same.

“So” Sirius started, “Have you graduated? What do you want to do next?”

“Yes, just graduated” Said Reg with obvious pride “Not sure what next. I was thinking a Master’s degree, or maybe starting my own business.”

Sirius smiled, scruffing up Reg’s hair “Whatever you choose, I’m sure you’ll be great at it, my perfect little brother.”

They spent several hours talking, catching up, tucked in under the bed sheet, like they used to do when they were younger.

“Reg,” Sirius started, “I really messed up, I think.” he could feel tears streaming down his cheek and over his nose towards the pillow. Reg just looked at him, concerned.

“I - I sort of met someone and they’re great. But I am really scared I am going to hurt them. I’m still coming to terms with who I am…”

“Sirius,” Reg interjected, “if this is about what mom said, you know, about your preferences…” He paused, “Know that it really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to me, and with mom, well, you know how she is. She’ll have to live with it. We both love you for who you are, really.”

Sirius gave a little sob, nodded “Thanks, Reg.”

“Now, if you love this person, this guy… Don’t let him slip away. Life is too short, Sirius. Look at our parents, both miserable. Life is too short to choose misery.”

Sirius nodded and smiled. Reg had always been wise beyond his years. He deserved all the good in the world and more.

Sirius stood up “Gotta go, Reggi.”

“Lots of stuff to sort out.”

Reg looked sad but smiled. “Go get him, tiger.”

They walked to the window, Sirius climbed out onto the branch and said “Goodbye, Reg.”

He was halfway down the tree when Reg’s head leaned out the window “Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“You better call me.”

Sirius smiled, “I will.” And Reg was gone.

It had taken Sirius just over three weeks to get from South Dakota to New Hampshire. He had taken a few rests along the way, mainly in the wilderness, and had fed on the blood of small animals - squirrels, raccoons, possums. Now that he was heading to New York City, he had to be more careful. He ran as far as he could without being detected, then used a five dollar bill to get as close to Manhattan as he could on public transport, then resorted to walking.

He walked into his building and nothing had changed. The concierge exclaimed “Mr Black!”

“Hi Paul, could I have the keys to my apartment, please?”

“O- of course. Haven’t seen you in a while, I hope you have been well. Been out of town visiting family?”

“Kind of” Sirius smiled, grabbing the set of keys and heading towards the lifts. As the doors were closing, he heard Paul making the phone call, as he knew he would.

His flat had been untouched since he had ran off last August. There was a layer of dust everywhere, but everything seemed to be in its place. Sirius headed toward the bathroom and turned on the shower, he couldn’t wait to wash off the smell of animal blood and being on the road.

When he got out of the shower he sensed that he must be near. Sirius got dressed quickly, T-shirt and a pair of black jeans and roughly tied his Converse. The doorbell rang and Sirius knew it was showtime.

He went to open “Tony, what a surprise!” Tony pushed his way in, followed by two vicious looking cronies, a roughed up prostitute, two more cronies and Al, Tony’s slimy right hand man.

“Spare me the sarcasm, Sirius, where the fuck have you been?” He pushed Sirius roughly into the living room, then grabbed him by the arm and neck, holding him still, sniffing him all over.

Tony chuckled, “Explored your wild side, Sirius? Been feeding on squirrels? How pathetic.”

Tony was the definition of bad news. Tony Sanguini was the full name, member of the Sanguini family, which ran half of New York’s illegal trade - drugs, whores, weapons, you name it. Tony was the 36-year old son of the head of the family, Rosario ‘Saro’ Sanguini. He owned three of the most exclusive nightclubs in Manhattan, and that was how he had met Sirius. Tony had pursued Sirius, hard. Invited him to all the best parties, free champagne table service all night. Free coke, E, whatever drug he wanted, dinners at the best restaurants, opera tickets, private jet to any destination. He had even commissioned a reproduction of the nude painting of Sirius, which now hung in his office at his club. He was married with kids, of course, like a good Catholic boy. He was also a vampire.

Sirius hadn’t known this when they first became lovers. However, after a short time he started waking up with fewer and fewer recollections of the night before, hurting all over and with visible bite marks on his body. He remembered how scared he had been. He thought that Tony was drugging him and taking advantage of him. He tried to get out, to leave Tony, but he wouldn’t have that. He promised Sirius nothing was wrong, just that the E on the streets was stronger and giving him a bad reaction, threatened to kill himself if Sirius didn’t take him back. It had been one moment of weakness, one false step, and Sirius had woken up the next day tied up to a bed, naked, with an unquenchable thirst - turned.

He had screamed, he had cried, he had cursed Tony, but it was too late. And that's where his nightmare had begun. Tony had developed a taste for feasting on humans and had the means and the power to do so. Sirius had been powerless, thirsty, desperate and scared. Each week, after an evening dancing away in Tony’s clubs, his cronies would bring in an ‘expendable’ - a whore, a junkie, a homeless man. Shoot them up with something, so that Tony and Sirius could feast. Sirius got so high he was barely conscious but he knew that after the feast, he was for Tony to take, in whichever way he wanted, and it was usually brutal.

At the beginning, when Tony was pursuing Sirius, he had found the mobster hauntingly attractive, plus he had loved the attention. Now, he looked at Tony and felt only disgust. His greasy, dark, slicked-back hair, his fitted Italian suit and perfectly manicured hands. His eyes were dark, deep pools of evil. He hated him.

Now that they were holding eye contact, Tony spoke, straight into his mind. Vampires could communicate like this, nonverbally, between each other.

‘Look at you, Sirius. All skinny and emaciated… When's the last time that you ate anything other than squirrel, huh? Three weeks, one month? You stink of cattle.’

‘Better stinking of cattle than being a murderer’ Sirius spat back.

‘Boo-hoo. Saint Sirius is going to preach to us about the sins of murder and deceit. Vampires are murderers by definition. You can’t escape it, we are natural predators.’

He turned to Al and gestured to him. Al roughly shoved the whore, who fell to her knees in the middle of the room. She was quite young but had obviously had a harsh life - needle marks prominent on her arms, bruises on her face and knees, a few teeth missing and a vacant look on her face.

‘Tonight we are going to feast on this whore. I’ve got some good stuff to shoot her up with. And then…’ He grabbed Sirius’ chin, hard, coming closer so that Sirius could feel the breath on his skin ‘I’m going to fucking split you open. I’ve missed your body, Sirius…’

His hand moved down to Sirius’ hip, he batted it away ‘You're repulsive, Tony, leave me alone.’

Tony pushed him back, pressing him against the wall, ‘What, you think I’m going to let you run away from me? Think again, you stupid cunt.’ he was squeezing his throat now, hard.

Sirius could feel himself struggling to catch his breath, the chokehold becoming tighter and tighter. No, he was not going to die here, not with Tony, not by his hand. Plus, he was already dead, he had nothing to lose. He thought of his time at the ranch, with Remus. He had so much to live for, he wanted to live. He thought of his time spent alone, roaming the wilderness, constantly listening, constantly on edge. He had it.

Tony was only a stupid city boy with manicured hands, hiding behind his brutish cronies. Sirius could take him, no problem. He felt the beast within himself rear its ugly head. It was showtime. Sirius grabbed Tony’s hand, pushed it back, upwards, snapping his wrist in a loud crack. Tony yelped out in pain and Sirius kneed him in his disgusting erection, for good measure. It was all in a split second.

As Tony was down, Sirius killed the lights and the apartment plummeted into darkness. That gave him a chance to knock out the four cronies and Al, who were staring around, blindly. With Al’s gun in his hand, he returned to Tony, knelt down by him and cocked the gun against his temple. ‘I am done with you, Tony. If you come looking for me I will fucking kill you, I will tear you apart with my bare hands, rip your cock off and make you eat it first, before I plant a stake through your heart and chuck you in the sea in a coffin full of bricks. I have nothing to lose, I’ll take pleasure in it. Understood?’ He shook the pathetic figure of Tony on the ground ‘Understood?’ Tony whimpered and nodded.

He left the apartment quickly and started running. He ran, and ran and ran. Until he had no idea where he was anymore - Indiana? He had to keep going, keep running, running away from his past and back to Remus.

He had managed to rest for a bit, fed on a raccoon, and now was running through Minnesota, headed back to Aberdeen.

“Fuck!” He remembered, “Prongs!”

He had promised he would visit him in New York. he would be worried by now. He had to give him a call. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He had changed his jeans before Tony’s visit and had left all his change in his other pair. “Balls!”

There was no other way, he had to go and beg at a restaurant or a bar to use their phone for free.

He was on the outskirts of Minneapolis and had already been refused the use of the phone at a diner and a convenience store, “No change, no call” the grumpy owner had scowled at him. Dejected, he headed into a dingy looking bar, the Hog’s Head. he pleaded with the barman to use the phone for free, to no avail.

“Hey, prettyboy” Sirius sighed and turned to look at the stranger sat at the bar, “How much do you need?”

“Just a couple of dollars.” Sirius said

The stranger handed him a few coins. Sirius looked at him, incredulous, “Well, thanks…”

“Name’s Hal” and he offered his hand.

The phone rang only a couple of times before James picked up, “James speaking”

“Hi Prongs!”

“Pads! Are you in New York yet? I’ve been worried sick!”

“Been and left, I’m afraid. Had to get out pretty quickly, long story. Anyway, I’ll give you a call in a day or so when I’ve arrived. Just wanted to let you know not to expect me and that I’m okay.”

“Where are you headed?”

“Aberdeen, South Dakota.”

“South Dakota?” James said in a comedically incredulous voice.

“Hey, prettyboy!”

Fuck. Sirius had left the Hog’s head discreetly, hoping not to attract Hal’s attention. He could smell trouble, Hal had obviously been waiting for him outside.

“How was the call with your boyfriend?” Sirius didn’t reply, he could feel the threat in Hal’s voice and the disgusting smell of alcohol on his breath from ten feet away.

Hal opened his jacket and showed Sirius he was carrying, hand resting on the hilt. A mean smile on his face. He gestured towards a dark alley behind the bar, and Sirius started walking. The alley was long, dark and desolate, at one end was the secondary road where the bar stood, at the other the banks of the Minnesota River.

“So, prettyboy, the question is, how are you going to repay me for my generosity?” Hal started unbuckling his belt with his left hand, a wedding band visible on his ring finger.

“How ‘bout you suck me off, and if you do a good job, I’ll let you go without too much damage to your pretty face.”

Sirius stood in silence.

“C’mon here then!” he gestured with his gun at his cock, ugly and erect, held tightly in his left hand. Sirius approached him slowly, staring at his neck. He could smell his disgusting arousal in the air but also his blood, flowing to his groin, his pulse, excited by the violence he was about to perpetrate.

It happened in a flash, Sirius’ eyes glassed over, and he was at Hal's neck, sucking the life out of him. It only took him a couple of minutes before he felt Hal’s filthy soul leaving his body.

“Not bad for a suck job, right Hal?”

He kicked his corpse in spite. Found a brick and smashed Hal’s face in. Took his gun, wedding band and wallet and rolled the body into the river.

Chapter Text

Playlist here

Remus had read his way through almost all his vampire book collection. It had been about a month since Sirius had left and his hope for Sirius’ return was faltering a bit. He had maintained a healthier routine of work, eat, sleep, repeat. He also tried to call Lily every couple of days.

Tonight, however, as he finished the last few pages of The Queen of the Damned, he had been listening to Nirvana’s In Utero on repeat. It was too cold now to sit on the porch in the evening for a smoke, so he was sprawled on the sofa in front of the wood burner instead.

She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak
I’ve been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks
I’ve been been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap
I wished I could eat your cancer when you turn black

Remus felt his eyelids grow heavy and dozed off, in spite of himself.

He heard the front door handle click and the door swing open slowly, with a creak. As soft footstep coming across the threshold. Remus jumped up from the sofa to look at the intruder.

“S- Sirius?” Sirius looked a state. Eyes bloodshot, hair all messy, blood smeared all around his mouth, down his chin and front, and on his hands and forearms. He was only wearing jeans and a black T-Shirt despite the freezing temperature outside.

“What happened?”

Sirius shook his head, staring blankly into space. His eyes fluttered closed for a second and were human again.

“I - I killed this guy. He wanted me to… suck him off. Had a gun pointed at me.”

Remus’ eyes widened, he nodded. “Ok, come in, we will sort this out.” He went and locked the front door. Approached Sirius, slowly. He looked so fragile, so scared. Remus took Sirius’ face and held it between his hands, caressing his cheek with his thumb.

“Where was this, in Aberdeen?”

Sirius shook his head, “Minneapolis” he croaked.

Remus was confused, Minneapolis was hours away by car, and the blood on Sirius’ face was still relatively fresh.

“I ran, I was running… back to you.”

Remus felt a pang in his chest, grabbed Sirius’ hands and dragged him to the bathroom. He started running a hot bath and turned to Sirius “What did you do with the body?”

“In the river”

“... and the gun?”

“Chucked it in a pond.”

Remus nodded “Ok, let’s get these clothes off.” He knelt down and started untying his Converse, took them off. Then unbuttoned Sirius’ fly, he was wearing no boxers underneath. Remus helped Sirius step out of them. Finally, he helped him take the bloodied T-shirt over the top of his head.

Sirius was standing there, fragile-looking, covered in blood and bashful, arms crossed over his chest. Remus allowed himself to take him in for only a second before turning to test the water temperature and gesturing to Sirius to get in the tub.

Sirius got in and curled up, chest leaning on his knees, hands on his ankles, he was shivering. Hopefully the hot bath would help him warm up. Remus started splashing him gently with the hot water, cleaning up most of the blood on his chest and shoulders. He grabbed the shower head and warned “I’m going to wash your hair.”

Sirius nodded, looking dazed. He got some shampoo and started lathering it up before massaging and rinsing. He repeated the process two more times. He then unplugged the tub, letting the water drain. He told Sirius to stand up and started lathering him up with soap from head to foot. It was a labor of love. He rinsed and repeated the process twice more. Once he was squeaky clean, he wrapped Sirius up in a fluffy towel and led him to the spare bedroom. He dressed him up in clean pyjama buttons and a long-sleeved top, and tucked him in under the blankets.

“There you go, all clean. Now, sleep.”

He went to the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of bleach and headed to thoroughly clean the bathroom.

Sirius woke up tucked in under soft plaid blankets. He was clean, warm and smelled of Remus’ shampoo. He peered from under the duvet and saw Remus’ spare bedroom, all of Sirius’ Goodwill clothes still where he had left them one month ago. It must be day time, because he could see a hint of sunlight behind the curtains. He stood up, made his way to the hallway. The house was empty, Remus must be outside.

He stopped outside Remus’ bedroom and entered. It was a bit messy, a pile of clothes on the chair, laundry basket overflowing, but the bed was made and it smelled of Remus. Sirius threw himself on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. It was good to be back, it had felt like a lifetime and yet no time at all since he'd left. He rolled to his side and looked at the pile of books on the bedside table: Dracula, Carmilla and Interview with the Vampire. So, Remus had been doing some research. He chuckled to himself, sniffed Remus’ pillow contentedly and drifted back to sleep.

Remus had cleaned everything twice with bleach, burnt all of Sirius’ and his own bloodied clothing and done everything he could think of to protect Sirius in case the police came knocking. Now he was tired, wanted a hot shower and to lie down for a bit. He headed straight to the bathroom, eyeing Sirius’ door, still closed. Must be sleeping still, after last night’s excitement.

He took the hottest shower he could bear, letting the heat penetrate in his bones and his pores. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he headed to his bedroom to get changed. He jumped in surprise when he saw Sirius’ sleeping figure curled up on his bed. He tiptoed to the chest of drawers from which he retrieved his pyjamas. He glanced back over his shoulder, making sure Sirius was still fast asleep before letting the towel slip down his waist to the floor and quickly pulling on his pyjama pants. He started to put on his top before turning around to find Sirius, eyes wide open, staring at him.

“Hey Remus.”

Remus blushed, “Oh, you’re awake” rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, sorry. Not sure why I came through to your room, then I must have dozed off…”

“It’s fine,” Remus grumbled, “I’m pretty tired so I might go and take a nap. You can stay here if you want.”

“You can stay here too.” Sirius smiled, patting at the place next to him on the bed.

Remus swallowed, hard. Must keep it cool, must keep it cool. This was just them taking a nap next to each other, nothing more. Sirius had been through a lot, he needed rest, not any funny business.

He laid on the bed next to Sirius so that they were facing each other. He was so beautiful, pale and youthful, his long hair messy, long eyelashes framing his languid eyes.

“You know, I’m sorry I missed Thanksgiving” Sirius said, “It would have been nice to have Thanksgiving dinner on the ranch, maybe invite Lily over”

Remus looked at him, transfixed. He was saying he was sad he hadn’t been with him, Remus, for the holidays.

“What did you have for Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Oh, just some turkey Spam, potato mash, stuffing, sprouts…”

“Turkey Spam?!” Sirius looked affronted, “Yuk!”

“Yeah, well, it’s only me. I’m hardly going to cook a whole turkey just for myself.”

“We can make up for it at Christmas. I’ll cook the fattest turkey they have at Walmart, with all the trimmings.”

Remus’ eyes widened “You think you’ll be here at Christmas?”

Sirius nodded.

Remus smiled, he couldn’t help himself.

“I missed out on my birthday though.” Sirius sounded sad.

“Your birthday? When was that?”

“November 3rd.”

“Well, we will have to make up for that.” Remus said, teasingly. He reached out and tickled Sirius’ hips and sides.

Sirius wriggled, laughing uncontrollably, then looked affronted, “How could you?” He flipped to his other side, giving his back to Remus.

Remus stayed there for a minute, considering whether he had really overstepped the mark and needed to apologize. This was until Sirius shifted back so that he was nested within Remus, back flush against his chest. Remus sighed and wrapped his arms around Sirius’ shoulders, and they both fell asleep.

Remus woke up to find a Sirius-shaped impression in the bed next to him, yet no Sirius. He was starving, the evening nap had turned into an extra early night so he hadn't had dinner. He could smell the delicious scent of cooking coming from the kitchen. He gave himself a moment to take in the scent of Sirius on his pillow, to linger in the memory of holding Sirius in his arms. He smiled, then got up.

In the kitchen Sirius was making pancakes, “Mornin’ Remus”

“Mornin' Sirius. Whatcha cookin’?”

“Pancakes with cinnamon and vanilla syrup. I brewed some coffee, there” He pointed at the coffee maker.

“How did I ever get so lucky?” Remus grinned. Sirius smiled and turned away, blushing.

He positively destroyed breakfast. How could he not, it was delicious.

Pancakes all gone, he stood up, gave Sirius a chaste kiss on the forehead, and went to get ready for another day’s work. As he was walking out the door he heard Sirius call after him.

“See you later, darling!” Remus smiled and headed to the stables.

Gilly looked like she had a bee in her bonnet about not having been taken out for a ride the night before. Could horses be jealous? Anyway, Remus proceeded to try and rush through all his chores so that he could get home to Sirius early that evening.

Time went by slowly, the chores that day felt never-ending. Finally, he mounted on Gilly to head out on his evening ride before winding down for the night. He rode past the porch and saw Sirius waiting outside, wrapped up warm in his fleece-lined jacket, flannel and cowboy boots. He had tied his long hair in two dark plaits. Remus stopped to greet him but before he could say anything, Sirius asked, “Can I come too?”

“Sure, let me go and get Gypsy saddled up for you.”

“Erm… I don’t think Gypsy is very fond of me. Maybe, we could both be on Gilly?”

“Yeah, sure. That works.” Gilly gave a loud, disapproving snort. Jealous indeed. Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand and helped him up on the saddle in front of him. He had his arms on each side of him, managing the reins, and they started slowly moving towards the prairie.

The evening was cold but beautiful. Everything felt still and frozen in place, the only noise was Gilly’s clip-clop of hooves on the ground. They rode in silence for a while before Remus pointed at the edge of the woods, “I saw a black coyote there a couple of weeks ago.”

“Really?” Sirius asked but didn’t seem too excited by the fact.

“Yeah, they’re really rare. It made me think of you, actually. Canis major, your constellation.”

Remus sighed, better out than in, he guessed, “It made me hope that you’d come back.”

“Remus…” Sirius was shaking his head now.

“I’m sorry I left. I… I guess that since I’ve been turned I don’t really know who I am anymore. Maybe I didn’t know before either, but I am still very much coming to terms with this new… me. You know, being a vampire…” Some time went by before Sirius spoke again.

“I saw the vampire who turned me, in New York. He was… he is a bad man, disgusting.”

“Sirius I -”

“And I am afraid that if you learn about this part of me, my past, you will be disgusted by me too. I am so afraid, Remus…”

They had stopped, and he grabbed Sirius’ shoulders with his hands now, comforting him. He seemed so small and downtrodden.

Sirius sighed “I never had a good relationship with my family, so when my inheritance kicked in at twenty-one I bought a flat in New York and started partying. From then on I kind of… drifted, you know? In this dissolute party lifestyle with artists, drugs, lovers…” Remus tightened his grip on Sirius’ shoulders a bit, just to let him feel he was there, he was listening.

“That’s when I met Tony, he was bad news. Organized crime, you know, Pursued me hard, wouldn’t take no for an answer. So we became lovers. I didn’t know he was also a vampire.”

Sirius took a break and sighed loudly, “It started slowly. I would wake up with bite marks all over my body, not remembering the night before, I thought he was drugging me. I tried to leave, really did, but one night, in a moment of weakness, I gave in. The next thing I knew, I woke up tied to his bed, turned. I felt so thirsty, so scared and angry…”

“Sirius, you don’t have to…”

“No! Let me finish, Remus. You need to know. I felt like I had no way out. I was thirsty but didn’t know how to feed. I was bound to Tony for that. He would bring us the dregs of society - whores, junkies, the lot. He would get his men to inject them with drugs and we would feast on them, kill them. I was so high on the blood and the drugs I was barely conscious half the time…”

Sirius was sobbing now, letting it all go, “Tony would tie me up or beat me and have his way with me. I’d wake up black and blue, hurting. All I could remember was the terror on their faces before they died. Some were half-conscious or even overdosing, foaming at the mouth, and still, they would always look at me with terror, recognizing a monster.”

Remus was speechless, too much trauma, how could Sirius ever get over it. He hugged Sirius tightly, squeezed him hard and let him sob into his arms.

Back at the house they ate dinner, somberly. The mood had lifted, slightly. It was as if Sirius had bared all the deepest, darkest part of himself to him and now they were adjusting to this new level of intimacy, all cards on the table.

Remus sat on the couch in front of the fire and lit a cigarette. Sirius came back with his guitar, sat next to him and started strumming softly. Oh, how Remus had missed this. They sat like that for a while before Sirius started singing.

Mama take this badge from me
I can’t use it anymore
It’s getting dark, too dark to see
Feels like I’m knockin’ on heaven’s door

Knock-knock-knockin’ on heaven’s’ door

Remus looked at him, bent over his guitar, focused and in the moment. The black curtain of hair covering part of his face and resting on his shoulder. So lovely, so talented.

“Lovely” he spoke out, entranced, without meaning to. He stumbled over his words, “I mean, lovely voice. Not quite Axl Rose, but you know…”

“Hey!” Sirius exclaimed, mock affronted, “This is the original Bob Dylan version, thank you very much.”

He started strumming again and let out an imitation of Axl Rose's signature screeching wail. Sang the song again beating the tempo heavily with his foot, making the lyrics just extra waily and dramatic. Remus laughed.

“Now, that was the Guns N Roses version.”

They both chuckled. “Very impressive” Remus admitted.

A while later they were both curled up on the sofa, looking at the fire, comfortable in each other’s company. Sirius had grabbed Remus’ hand and was now tracing the scars on the back of it with his fingers.

“So” He spoke, “if Lily was your first girlfriend, who was your first boyfriend then?”

Remus scoffed, “Sirius, really?”

“Come on, Moony. Don’t be shy” He wriggled his eyebrows at Remus, cheekily.

“Alright, well. It was this guy from school. His name was - is - Chris. We dated, kind of secretly, for just under a year.”

“Why did it end?”

“The crash.” Sirius turned around to look at Remus, eyes wide.

“Yeah, so he was at the wheel. When they cut me out of the wreck he was gone. I never really saw or spoke to him again…”

“Oh, Remus” Sirius’ eyes were full of pity.

“Nah, it was for the better. I was really messed up, in a coma for a few weeks, then I had to learn to walk again. He moved on with his life, he’s married now, I think. ”

“Bastard!” Sirius looked peeved, “How dare he hurt my Remus?” His eyes cut in a vindictive expression. My Remus? His heart fluttered.

“Sirius, it’s ancient history, drop it.” He waited a bit. “How about you? Who was your first love?”

“Oh, that’s easy - James. He was my roommate at boarding school. Top guy, and so attractive!”

“I bet your rich boys were doing all sort of naughty stuff in that fancy school of yours.” Remus grinned, cheekily.

“Oh, you dirty perv Remus. Wouldn't you love to know?” He shoved him, amicably.

They’d gone to bed - Remus’ bed - not long after. He guessed that was the way it would be now, them sleeping together. They were lying under the blankets, looking into each other’s eyes, smiling like fools. Sirius moved first, pushed forward, landing a soft, languid kiss on Remus’ lips. Remus grabbed the back of his head and his hip and held him close. Lips connected, tongues exploring, lost in each other.

He could feel himself growing hard, desperately hard in his pajama pants. Sirius’ knee bent up and started grinding at Remus with it. He let out a choked moan in surprise, looking down and seeing the erection in Sirius’ pants. He slid his hand from his hip to try and grab it through the fabric but Sirius rolled onto his other side, backing Remus.

Remus lay there for a second, not sure what to do. Had he gone too far? Maybe Sirius wasn't ready yet, it was understandable, after all he’d been through.

“Remus?” Sirius cried in a small voice.

“Yeah?” Remus half sat up to look at Sirius’ face on the pillow, pointing the other way.

He looked up at him, shyly but coyly, “Can… Can you make me feel good?”

Fuck yeah. Remus just nodded stupidly, eagerly, not believing his ears. He moved Sirius’ hair away from his neck and started kissing and licking him there, nibbling at his ear lobe. His hand slid from Sirius’ hip to the waistband of his pyjama pants, pulling them down. He wasn’t wearing any underwear. He took a second to look at Sirius’ erection - pink, glowing, perfect, with a scattering of soft dark curls framing it.

He took him in his hand and felt Sirius shiver with pleasure. He laid back and, with his other hand, started to tend to his own erection, freeing it from the pants and letting the tip rest against Sirius’ hip. The friction minimal but so, so good. He started moving his hand up and down Sirius’ length, feeling him meet his movements with his hips. He found Sirius’ ear under the mass of hair and whispered softly in it “So beautiful, Sirius. Such a beautiful cock you have, my beautiful baby.”

Sirius groaned with pleasure, his hips moving faster to meet Remus’ tugs “You like that, baby? You want to come for me?” He picked up pace with his hand and started thrusting his hips to rub his cock against Sirius’ skin and squeezing the tip with his other hand. Sirius nodded slowly, panting and looking dazed. “Come on then, baby, come for me.”

A couple more thrusts and Sirius cried out “Oh, God!” and came in Remus’ hand. It was so hot. Remus only took a couple of harsh tugs and spilled violently onto Sirius’ hip and ass, panting.

Chapter Text

Playlist here

The sun was shining, he was speeding down the road towards Aberdeen in his truck and Remus felt alive. He was blasting Led Zeppelin’s Heartbreaker on repeat.

Hey fellas, have you heard the news?
You know Annie’s back in town?
It won’t take long just watch and see
How the fellas lay their money down

He kept the steering wheel straight with his knee and did a little air guitar solo following Jimmy Page’s iconic riff.

He was head over heels in love with Sirius, who was back, here to stay indefinitely, and life was good, excellent, fantastic.

His plan was to go into town, buy some supplies and a birthday present for Sirius, let Lily know he was okay, then rush back to the ranch so that him and Sirius could fuck each other silly without interruptions for the next few weeks.

He spotted a flashy silver truck driving past him in the opposite direction, heading towards the ranch. He scoffed, “Fucking tourists. The Land of Oz is the opposite way!”

Sirius opened the door and gasped “Prongs?”

And so it was. James Potter, standing at the door, messy dark hair, glasses and a cheeky grin, looking as handsome as ever. In fucking South Dakota.

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked, disbelieving.

“Came to check up on you, silly” He pushed in through the door, making his way into the kitchen.

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Well, you said you were going to Aberdeen, South Dakota. So I flew in yesterday. I’m staying at a dingy motel in town, went for dinner and a drink at the local bar. Met this super hot waitress. A redhead, big -”

“Lily!”

“Yeah, she’s a stunner, that one. Anyway, I asked her if she knew of any long-haired prettyboys staying in town. She directed me to the ranch, so here I am.”

Sirius stared at him, incredulous. “Well, it’s good to see you, Prongs.” He pointed out the window at the flashy silver truck, “Did you really have to go so over the top with your rental?”

James laughed “It’s macho cowboy, okay? I’m trying to be cool.”

“Sure… but can you even park it? You’re not really a skilled driver from what I remember…”

“Shut up!” James hit him, playfully.

“So tell me Pads, how have you been?”

They talked for a good two hours, Sirius recounting his recent life to James. He told him about Tony, the dangerous relationship it had been. Running away from New York and ending up here. Seeing Regulus again, Tony’s attempt to take him back and his return to Aberdeen. He left out the vampire and murder part, that seemed too much, and he wasn’t sure he wanted James to know for now.

“Wow, Pads, that’s crazy! Why didn't you call me, you know, when the whole Tony thing was going down?”

“I felt stuck, I guess… Ashamed. I didn’t really want to be saved. Didn’t feel like I deserved it.”

James nodded, sadly. “Well, I’m here now, you know you can count on me.” He squeezed Sirius’ hand, “And this Remus guy, he sounds…”

“Great, he is great.”

James smiled and nodded, “Well, he hasn’t got my blessing yet. Can’t wait to meet him. Got any food? I’m starving.”

“Oh, yeah we don’t have much. Remus just went out to get some groceries, he should be back soon. Let me have a look in the fridge.”

He opened the fridge, it was a pathetic sight, grabbed a large jar and held it out “Pickles?”

It took them a solid ten minutes of twisting, pulling and yanking until, finally, the pickle jar opened, not without dowsing James and Sirius with a tidal wave of pickle juice.

“Yuk!” Sirius exclaimed, “Gross.”

James was already munching on a pickle, satisfied.

“I’m going to go and change my top. Prongs, do you want a clean T-shirt so you don’t smell like pickles all day?”

“Sure” he took off his white T-shirt  and threw it at Sirius.

Groceries in the car, he had got some flowers for Sirius and he had a surprise gift for him as a belated birthday present. He drove into the Three Broomsticks car park. He would make this quick, say hi to Lily, tell her that everything was great, ask her not to call for a bit, and scoot back to the ranch.

“Hey Moony!”

“Hi Lils!”

“How’s things, what can I get you?”

“Just a coke please, but make it a small one, I kind of want to get back to the ranch. Sirius came back.”

“Oh yeah?” She winked, “Are you two love birds nesting together for the winter?”

“Sort of” Remus tugged at his hair uncomfortably.

“Speaking of Sirius, someone was asking after him last night.”

Remus’ eyes widened, “What? Who?”

“Oh, this handsome fella with glasses. He asked me whether I’d seen someone new in town with long dark hair. I said yes, that he had been staying with you but had left a month or so ago. He asked for directions to the ranch.”

Remus’ blood froze in his veins. Who could this be? Police? FBI? Tony?

“Gotta go, Lils. I’ll give you a ring later.”

“Moony - is everything alright?” but he was gone.

He sped all the way back to the ranch, parked up next to the flashy silver truck he had seen driving past that morning. Threw the front door open and spotted someone standing behind the  fridge door.

“Sirius are you - ” The door closed, not Sirius, but a handsome stranger with glasses emerged, eating a pickle. One of his pickles. He was topless.

“Oh, hi. You must be Remus. I’m James.” He offered his hand for Remus to shake.

Just on cue, Sirius came through the hallway, still putting on his T-shirt. “Oi, Prongs, here’s a clean top - oh, hi Moony!” He smiled innocently.

Remus was frozen to the spot. Because what the fuck. He turned around, and marched outside. Sirius came to find him as he was puffing away furiously on a cigarette.

“Hey Remus, is anything the matter?”

Remus finished the cigarette, threw the butt away dramatically, and lit another.

“Remus?”

“What?” He spat out

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?! You’ve invited your boyfriend here to stay, huh? What, did you think we could all live happily ever after as a thruple on my ranch? Well, that doesn’t work for me!” His voice was raised now and he was looking straight at Sirius.

Sirius laughed - laughed! - and said, “I don’t think that would sit well with James either. He is straight as an arrow.”

Remus looked searchingly at Sirius’ face, “But… but you said he was your first boyfriend?”

“He was my first love. I fancied him madly, that’s how I realized I was gay. He’s straight, has always been straight, nothing ever happened.”

Remus felt stupid now, “But… Do you still love him? Fancy him?”

Sirius shook his head, “I love him as a friend. My best friend since we were boys.”

Remus still felt uncertain.

“Look, Remus. I fancy you, okay? Just you.”

After clarifying their position, the three of them made a bit of small talk. James politely said he had to leave and get back to Aberdeen, and they agreed on meeting in town in two days for lunch, to celebrate Sirius’ birthday.

“Oh, and Prongs?”

“Yes Pads?”

“Could you ask Lily, you know, the waitress at the Three Broomsticks, if she can join us for lunch as well?”

James seemed to perk up at the idea of talking to Lily and said “Yeah, sure.” Remus interjected “And can you let her know we are okay, I left her in a bit of a rush earlier.”

James nodded “Sure, man.”

Remus showed James to the door. James offered his hand to Remus, who shook it this time. “See ya, man. Take good care of Sirius”

“I will.”

“Aaaah” Remus exhaled dramatically, “Isn’t it great to have one’s house to one’s own again?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Should I leave then?”

Remus looked at him like a lost puppy.

Sirius chuckled, “You big fat idiot, getting all jealous like that.”

“You have to admit it looked… compromising.”

“Yeah, a bit. But what would you do without the excitement I bring to your life?”

“Die happily in my old age” Remus realized he’d gone too far as soon as the words were out “Sirius, sorry. Shitty joke.”

“No, no that’s fine” Sirius turned to face away from Remus, “It’s funny because it is true…”

Sirius had been thinking about it, of course. His thirst had been temporarily placated by gorging on Hal but would soon return, he was living on borrowed time. He still wondered if he could control himself with Remus around.

“Sirius?” Remus came closer, taking Sirius’ hand in his, “I know this is still something we need to figure out but I am confident we will, I just know it. Not everyone like you goes around living life like Tony.”

Sirius thought for a second, then said, “When I was gone, I fed on wild animals. You know, raccoons, possums, squirrels, that sort of thing. It was fine, I was fine.”

Remus nodded, thoughtfully “Ok, well, that’s an option then. Let’s talk about this later. I have to go and sort out the animals for the night.”

Sirius watched him put on his jacket and boots and head outside. He really hoped that Remus had faith in him, because he himself didn’t know if he did.

But there wasn’t much time to talk, Sirius kept getting distracted whilst cooking, stopping for long, passionate kissing breaks which nearly caused him to burn the steak.

“Sorry, its’ overdone”

Remus smiled at him and shrugged, “Tastes good to me”

After dinner, they moved to the couch, put on Physical Graffiti and kept kissing wildly. Remus was looking fine, fine, fine. Sirius was sat on his lap, straddling him, which offered him the perfect view of Remus’ soft brown curls, his tanned, freckled arms in contrast with the white tank top, his crooked and scarred nose. His gaze was searing, assertive, full of need. Sirius ran his fingers through his hair and tugged slightly, maintaining eye contact.

“Look at you,” Sirius said, “You’re so hot.”

Remus’ hands pulled at the back of his thighs, bringing him closer.

“No!” Sirius stated, shoving Remus so that his back was resting fully on the couch. “I want to make you feel good.”

Remus looked back at him, enticed but obviously wondering what was going to happen next. The track changed and Trampled Under Foot came on. Sirius smiled, how apt.

Ooh, trouble-free transmission
Helps your oil’s flow
Mama, let me pump your gas
Mama, let me do it all
Talking ‘bout love, ah
Talking ‘bout love, oh

Sirius knelt at the foot of the sofa, between Remus’ legs, and started unbuckling his belt, then unzipped his fly.

Remus’ eyes widened, now knowing what was to come and fucking excited.

Sirius tugged at Remus’ jeans and he lifted his hips to allow him to pull them down. The jeans and Remus’ boxers came down together, and Sirius was faced with Remus’ perfect cock. It was long, longer than his own, achingly erect, and surrounded by healthy brown curls that matched Remus’ hair. Sirius loved it, grabbed it from the base, starting to move up and down. Remus groaned, his head leaning backwards and arms splayed out grasping at the backrest.

Sirius moved his lips closer to Remus’ cock and whispered, so that Remus could feel the air escaping his lips, “So, what would you like me to do with this, huh?”

His hand was still moving up and down but very slowly. “Mmmmh” Remus moaned, “Sirius, you fucking tease…” Sirius smiled to himself, then blew air on Remus’ weeping tip. “Fuck, Sirius, fuck!”

Sirius then started to lick Remus, small licks from the base to the tip, not enough to take Remus over the edge on their own.

“Sirius, fuck, just take it already. You’re driving me mad!”

Sirius clicked his tongue, “Is my baby impatient? Desperate for it?” he spoke close to his tip again, oh so teasing. “Does he want to fuck my mouth already?”

Remus swallowed hard, then nodded.

“Well,” he tugged a bit harder on Remus’ cock, “I want you to look at me when you fuck my mouth.” Remus looked down, surprised, eyes wide open, then nodded.

Sirius smiled and without warning, he took all of Remus’ length in his mouth, sucking in his cheeks, until he could feel it graze the back of his throat. Remus gasped. He pulled back, giving the length a tug and then taking him in again, relentless. He never broke eye contact with Remus, whose eyes rolled back each time he hit the back of Sirius’ throat. His hand grasped at Sirius’ hair, not hard, more caressing.

“Sirius I - ” Sirius knew Remus was close, and he didn’t break his rhythm, he teased the orgasm out, and when Remus came, he pushed Sirius’ head down a bit harder, cursing, his legs buckling. It was the hottest thing Sirius had ever seen.

After recovering from his mind-blowing, all-consuming, life-changing orgasm and regaining the ability to speak, Remus looked at Sirius.

“Hey, are you alright?” He had a funny look on his face and had turned to face away from Remus. “Sorry I pressed down too hard at the end. Did I hurt you? Sirius, I’m really sorry, I’ve overstepped - ”

Sirius looked up, his eyes were changing back, but Remus could tell they had gone all glassy and bloodshot like when his thirst took over.

“I’m fine, Remus, really, it’s not that. I enjoyed it. I -”

“I just find it hard to know where my boundary is, you know, with the thirst.” Remus understood.

“There is a very fine boundary between thirst and arousal and I am still trying to figure out where one ends and the other one begins. When I was with Tony, it all kind of merged into one, and I wasn’t really in a sober state of mind half the time, so I’m still figuring it out.”

Remus pulled his boxers and jeans back up. This was not the type of conversation to be had with his cock out.

He stood up and approached Sirius, pulling him into a hug.

“Listen to me Sirius, I was thinking… How much blood do you need, you know, when you feed on a human? Do you have to kill?”

Sirius shook his head, “Remus, I know what you are thinking, it’s too dangerous.”

“I want to help you. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, did some research…”

Sirius scoffed, “Yeah right, with Anne Rice books. Remus, this is dangerous. I don’t know for sure I’d be able to stop. I don’t want to hurt you, I couldn’t live with myself…”

“Sirius, I want to do this. I trust you and I love you and I want you to eat well. A lifetime of squirrels sounds miserable.”

Sirius’ eyes had teared up “You… love me?”

Remus laughed, taking Sirius’ face in his hands and bringing him close, “Yes. I love you, you stupid fool.”

Chapter Text

Playlist here

They woke up to a soft blanket of snow that had covered the ranch and as far as the eye could see.

“Look, Remus! It’s snowing!” He turned to look at Remus who was sulking on the bed.

“What’s wrong?”

Remus sighed, “The first snow always brings lots of extra work for me. Snow shoveling to clear the paths, gritting. Making sure the animals are all good and have enough to drink and eat.”

Sirius smiled at him, fondly, “How about I make you pancakes and then we both get dressed and go out to get started. I’m full of energy today, so I can do the shoveling and you can do the animals?”

Remus seemed to perk up a bit “Yeah, alright.”

Sirius prepped breakfast. Cinnamon and vanilla pancakes and also fried some bacon, for good measure. Remus wolfed it all down and they got dressed for going outside. Sirius braided his hair into two plaits to keep it out of his face, and borrowed one of Remus’ wooly hats and some gloves. “Ready?”

“Ready.” And they ventured out in the cold.

Sirius felt like he had been shoveling snow for ages. He didn’t feel physically tired, one of the perks of being a vampire, and he was glad he was sparing Remus from having to do this. It was heavy, physical and boring work, but by the end of it he had cleared a path from the house to the stables and barns. Remus came up to him. “I’m impressed.”

Sirius smiled, “Thanks. Good for my muscles” He flexed his right arm, theatrically.

Remus chucked “Ok, Schwarzenegger. How about you help me fit the snow chains on the truck’s tyres then? We’ll need them as we are going into town tomorrow for lunch.”

“Sure!”

“Right, I’ll go and get a jack then.”

“No need.” Sirius said.

Remus looked at him, confused.

“I can lift the truck while you put the chain on.”

“Yeah, right.”

“No, really” He lifted the truck from the rear left corner and held it up “Look!”

Remus looked dumbfounded. “And here I was worrying about you feeling all weak and you can lift your own weight ten times like an ant.”

Sirius laughed, “Perks of being a vampire.”

Once they were done fitting the chains on the tyres Remus jugged excitedly on the spot “Done!”

“Can’t wait to be inside in the warm. Maybe we could have hot chocolate.”

But Sirius wasn’t going to let him go so easily. He picked up a handful of snow, balled it up, crunching the snow tightly together, and threw it at Remus. It hit him in the back and Sirius could see that some of the snowball had ended up on Remus’ neck and was now traveling dangerously downward, towards his back on his naked skin.

“What the -” Sirius stifled a laugh.

“You little bitch!” Remus turned around and balled up some snow quickly, tossing it at Sirius, but missed. It was a fight. They spend ages throwing snowballs at each other, chasing each other around the truck and taking cover, all the while laughing like idiots. At the end, Remus tackled Sirius by the waist and they both landed on a soft pile of snow, laughing. They shared a cold, wet kiss before heading back to the house.

After they both had warmed up with a hot shower and changed into dry clothes, Remus got the wood burner going and they sat together in front of it, in each other’s arms. Remus was lying back across the couch and Sirius was nested comfortably between his legs, his head resting on Remus’ chest.

Remus spoked first “How are you feeling?”

“Happy.” Sirius replied, without having to think.

“No, I mean, are you hungry?”

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, “Not too much, a 6/10 I would say.”

“But you could eat, if you had the chance.”

“Yeah, I guess, but - ”

Remus proffered his wrist to Sirius, not waiting for him to finish his sentence, “Try it.”

“Remus, no.”

“If you’re not that hungry, it shouldn’t be a problem to stop.”

“Remus, I’m not sure I want to…”

“Do it!” Remus was almost forceful now. Sirius looked up at him and saw determination and courage and love in his eyes. “Please, Sirius, we have to try. If it gets scary, we won’t do it again, I promise.”

Sirius nodded and swallowed. “You need to let me know if you want me to stop, okay?” He sat up and looked at Remus very seriously.

“Safe word?”

Remus looked around, searching, “Erm… lasso?”

Sirius nodded in agreement. He grabbed Remus’ hand, caressing the back of it, fondly. He brought his wrist close to his nose and sniffed, lightly. He could feel Remus’ pulse, fluttery with anticipation. The delicious smell of Remus, his pulsating life force flowing through his veins. It spoke of young masculine vigor, days in the sun, a heart full of all that is good in the world and… love. Unmistakably, love.

He could feel his eyes turning, fangs pressing against the corners of his top lip. He took a deep breath in, 'Careful, now’ he thought, and then bit down.

It was intoxicating, better than any drug, better than anyone or anything before. It was… Remus, just Remus. He took a long drink of Remus, just one, then stopped. He could feel Remus holding him, cradling him, caressing his head with his free hand. Once he let go of his wrist they just held each other for a while, lulled by the sense of having shared something very personal, almost sacred.

It had been… well. Remus was shaken to the very core. He wasn’t sure what he had expected but it wasn’t this. Pain maybe? Discomfort? But that wasn’t the case at all, in fact it had been, well, sensual. He looked down at Sirius - his Sirius - cradled in his arms. He kissed his soft mass of hair, caressing it, holding him tighter. Sirius shuffled, looked up at him. No words were needed, they both knew. A wall had been torn down, a boundary crossed and there was no going back now.

Remus kissed Sirius on the lips, slowly, languidly, needing. They stayed like that for a while, worshiping each other’s lips in silence.

Remus lifted Sirius, shifting him under himself, so that his arms were bracketing him. They looked at each other, hungrily. Remus removed his top, and started to remove Sirius’. He needed to feel him, to feel his skin against his own. He kissed Sirius’ torso extensively, from where his neck connected with his ear to the edge of his waistband. Kissing, licking, nibbling at his pale skin.

He went back up to look at Sirius, who looked languid, relaxed and lustful. “Are you okay?” Sirius just nodded in reply, a dazed smile on his lips. Remus nodded and started working on pulling down Sirius’ bottoms. He shifted his hips so that he was half lying on his side and took him in his mouth, softly. Sirius let out a groan. At the same time, he started teasing his entrance, little by little, letting it open up to him as Sirius relaxed.

It was heavenly, feeling Sirius’ shaky breaths and soft moans as he pleasured him. When Sirius was ready, Remus looked up at him again, nestled between his arms, tanking in the sight of him. “Look at you,” He said, “so beautiful, my beautiful baby.” Sirius blushed and then kissed him, passionately, and Remus took it as a sign that he was ready. He pulled off his pants and lined himself up to Sirius’ entrance, teasing it. He looked intently at Sirius’ face as he pushed in, slowly, little by little, until he was fully in. Sirius gave a little gasp when Remus started moving but Remus made sure to start slowly and keep working on Sirius’ cock with his hand.

As he picked up pace, he could feel Sirius’ breaths getting shorter, more erratic, and he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. Sirius had given him a quick bite, drawn blood, and his lips were now wet and slick with crimson, pouty and lustful. Remus kissed his bloodied lips, obscenely. He kept running his hand quickly, hurriedly up and down Sirius’ length whilst thrusting in and out of him. Sirius’ eyes rolled back and he came with a prolonged groan, spilling on Remus’ hand and on his stomach. The sight and sound of Sirius alone was enough to drive him over the edge and he quickly followed suit.

They stayed like that for a while, intertwined, not knowing where one ended and the other began, until Sirius pushed himself up and went to grab a flannel and a blanket.

They huddled together under the blanket, Sirius playing with the golden locket dangling from Remus’ neck.

“I noticed this the first night I met you” He said “Can I open it?”

“Sure” Remus let him.

Sirius clicked the locket open and stared at it, at the little figures in it.

Remus pointed at the left side “My Grandpa and Grandma”, the and the right side “And this is my Ma and Pa.” The whole Lupin family, with him, near his heart.

Sirius’ eyes teared up and he shook his head. “You are such a rare gem Remus. You have no idea.”

“Why do we have to leave for town so early if we are only meeting them for lunch at one?”

Sirius felt tired and wished he could have slept in a bit longer. Instead, Remus had woken him up before six to get ready, they had done chores and quickly showered and left the house at 10 sharp.

“I didn’t even brush my hair properly” He complained.

“You look fine. Plus I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Sirius felt excited - what could it be?

“And I have to go to the farm store to get some dewormer for Gilly.” Great, Sirius thought, still competing with the horse. He snorted.

They parked outside the music store and Sirius felt giddy. When they walked in, Remus walked straight to the counter and asked the clerk to take out something. The man came back with a hard guitar case, which he opened to reveal an electric guitar with a cherry red body.

“Wow!” Sirius exclaimed.

“It’s a Fender Stratocaster” Remus said.

“I can see that!”

“I’m not sure if you play electric, or even if this is a model you’d like… but I saw it and it made me think of you.”

“Remus, it’s - perfect.” He went to pick it up from the case and asked the man, “Can I- can I try it?”

“Sure!” He replied, smiling “You can plug into that amp over there and here’s some headphones.”

Sirius had a blast, he spent an hour playing, trying different riffs: Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath… It felt like the guitar was made for him, it fit seamlessly into his hands. All the while, he could see, at the corner of his eye, leaning against a shelf, Remus staring at him and smiling.

Once he was done, he approached him, “This is too much, Remus. You don’t have to…”

“I want to. I love hearing you play, plus the guitar is pre-loved so it won’t break the bank.”

Sirius caressed the cherry red body with his hand, “I’ll love it even more…”

Seeing Sirius so childishly excited had made Remus’ soul ascend to a higher level of happiness. He felt lighter, everything around him seemed brighter, soft focused, diffused. He stared stupidly at Sirius and they drove the short distance to the restaurant where they would be meeting James and Lily.

As they walked in and spotted them, if he wasn’t much mistaken, he saw Lily’s hand resting on James’ knee. This was quickly retracted when the two saw they had arrived. James, you dirty dog, you better not break her heart.

“Hi Pads, Moony.”

“James.” Remus bent to give Lily a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Hi Moony!” Lily stood up to give Sirius a tight hug, “Hi Sirius, happy birthday! It’s so good to have you back!”

“Oh, thanks Lily. It’s good to be back.”

They sat down and ordered some food.

After they finished eating, and a couple of beers down, the waiter brought through an indulgent chocolate cake with two candles ‘24’ on it.

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Sirius
Happy birthday to you!

The whole restaurant had joined in, and everyone clapped and whooped at the end.

Sirius looked flustered, “I hate you guys.” And blew the two candles out.

After a double helping of chocolate cake, Remus started, “So, James, what I really want to know is where Prongs and Pads come from.”

James laughed “Pads, would you care to explain why Prongs?”

“Sure” Sirius cleared his throat, “So, James here, annoying as usual, was not only a top student, but also a sports star of sorts at our school. The sports being lacrosse, field hockey and tennis.” Lily looked at James, impressed, and blushed.

“So, due to the heavy academic workload and endless sports practice, often all I saw of him was his silhouette leaving the dorm at the crack of dawn or coming back at night. Carrying his sports kit with a lacrosse stick, a hockey stick and a tennis racket, which made him look like…”

“A fork?” Remus guessed

Sirius nodded, smiling, “Hence, Prongs.”

They all laughed. “But how about Pads?”

“Now that is a funny story.” James seemed excited to tell it. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Now, Sirius was not quite as athletically inclined as me, despite my best efforts to get him to join a sport…”

“But he needed some extracurricular credits for his college application, so his mom forced him to take ballroom dancing.”

Remus’ mouth fell open, he turned to Sirius, “No?”

Sirius nodded, “Yep.”

Lily clapped her hands, “That’s so cool, can you show us some moves?”

“It’s the definition of not cool, Lily.” James corrected her.

Sirius stood up, perfectly erect, chest pushed forward with a dancer’s posture. Toetips pointed, he started moving his hips smoothly, tapping his feet to one side, then the other, complementing each tap with fluid arm movements. He even did a little turn.

“Well, I never” Remus said, amused. This was an image he wasn’t going to forget easily, he would make sure to ask Sirius for a private recital when back at home.

“So Pads is because…” Lily continued, confused.

“Padfoot. Because of his light feet and smooth dance moves.” James laughed with gusto.

“So how much longer are you planning to stay in Aberdeen, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“Erm, not sure… Maybe just a few more days, taking in the fresh air…” He caught James give Lily a furtive glance.

A likely story. “Well, let’s meet up again then. How about a night out at the Three Broomsticks? Friday?”

They bade Lily and James goodbye and headed back to the truck. On the journey home Sirius asked, “Do you think something’s up? Between them, I mean?”

“If it isn’t, I’ll eat my hat.”

Sirius burst out laughing.

Sirius had been fussing around with his Stratocaster all evening. He took it out of its case, cleaned it then propped it on the stand they had got for it, in a spot in the living room.Then, he must have decided that this spot wasn’t good enough, because he moved it. He inspected the strings, cleaned it again, then moved it back to its original spot.

Remus shook his head, “Just play it already. No need to fuss so much.”

“It’s just so… beautiful.”

“A beautiful guitar for a beautiful man.” Remus winked at him.

“You charmer!”

It was a perfect evening. It was snowing again outside, the house was warm, they were together again and oh so very happy. Remus was on the couch, smoking a cigarette. Sirius had plugged in his Stratocaster and was treating Remus to an impromptu repertoire of songs from Bowie to Led Zeppelin and Nirvana.

Sirius looked up at Remus, “Any requests?”

Remus smiled, a little to himself, “Could you sing Wild Horses?”

Sirius smiled back and nodded.

Childhood living
Is easy to do
The things you wanted
I bought them for you

Graceless Lady
You know who I am
You know I can’t let you
Slide through my hands

[Chorus]
Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

I watched you suffer
A dull aching pain
Now you’ve decided
To show me the same

No sweeping exit
Or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter
Or treat you unkind

[Chorus]

I know I’ve dreamed you
A sin and a lie
I have my freedom
But I don’t have much time

Faith has been broken
Tears must be cried
Let’s do some living
After we die

As Sirius sang the chorus twice again, Remus thought of them. In a way, they both had died and been given a second chance. Remus after the crash and Sirius after being turned. They both had lived a half-life, barely survived, after their traumas. Sirius running away from New York and Remus all alone in the middle of nowhere. But now they had found each other, and Remus couldn’t wait for the rest of his life to start, right now. Every day, every waking hour, with Sirius.

He felt a knot forming in his throat. Ageing and illness and death were inevitable for him but he didn’t know how someone like Sirius would handle them. He looked at Sirius, fondly. It seemed so distant, so far away, yet he knew it would all pass in the blink of an eye, with Sirius next to him.

He put his feet up on the coffee table, lit a cigarette, closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. ‘Well, I better enjoy this as it’s happening then’ and smiled to himself.

Chapter Text

Sirius was led to the office, where he sat on one of the two Ercol chairs on the other side of the partner desk. He took in the stuffy decor and leaned back to rest his feet on the mirror-polished mahogany. He tutted, “High polish, really, James? High polish?” He realised then that his black cowboy boots were quite filthy, bits of caked mud and embedded hay flaked off on the shiny tawny wood.

Tick tock. 

A silver mantle clock commanded his attention from the other end of the desk. A picture of Harry in his school uniform stood proudly next to it.

Tick tock.

Sirius stared at the picture, then moved his attention to another framed picture, this time of the three of them — James, Lily and Harry — on a beach holiday somewhere.

Tick tock.

He looked outside at the grey Manhattan sky and thought it was a perfect day to discuss how he was going to die.

…

“Pads,” James walked through the door, holding a half-eaten doughnut and a takeaway cup. Splatters of coffee were visible on this Oxford shirt and his silk tie, “Stacy told me she let a friend of mine into my office. A scruffy young man, she said! And there I was racking my brain to figure out who it could be.”

“Hay Prongs,” Sirius stood to hug James. From up close, he saw his friend’s eyes, the wrinkles framing them, the sunken purple shade at their inner corner. His dark hair, cropped short in a conservative style, was peppered with grey at the temples, and Sirius could see a patch of white in James’ 4 o’clock beard. “It’s been too long.”

“Damn right it’s been too long! What brings you back to the dreary old apple?” 

Sirius squirmed, a wave of discomfort starting at the soles of his feet running up to his shoulders. He wondered for a second if coming here had been a mistake. 

He felt, rather than saw James frown.

“Is everything okay, Pads?”

Sirius sighed, “Yeah,” he pointed at the Bauhaus chair, “shall we sit down? This conversation requires sitting, I think.”

James arched an eyebrow and nodded to a corner cupboard on the other side of the room, “Would this conversation benefit from a Scotch, too?”

…

“Pads,” Jemas started, “I really don’t want to be a dick but you’ve been sipping on your whiskey and staring out of the window in silence for a good twenty minutes now and,” he glanced over at the silver clock on his desk “I have a meeting in half an hour.”

Sirius swirled the golden remnants of scotch in his glass, now tainted by the block of half-melted ice. “Right,” he still hadn’t decided how to broach the subject, “this is an important matter…”

He cast around, hoping he’d find a clue in the room on how best to broach the subject, “How do you think I look?”

James’ eyebrows shot up in surprise, but soon his face twisted into that familiar Prongs mischievous grin, “Well, Pads, if you have to come all the way here to fish for compliments… Plus, I thought that Remus might object to me waxing lyrical about the fairness of your skin and the soft fall of your raven hair––”

Sirius scoffed, “Okay, okay — bad start. I mean, how old do you think I look?”

James frowned, took a sip of his scotch and then looked straight into Sirius’ eyes. “I think you don’t look a day older than twenty-three.”

“ Exactly .”

“Exactly what?”

“Exactly, meaning I’m not ageing at the same pace as you or Lily or Remus or anyone else who isn’t a —” he broke off.

James sat forward in his chair a little, “You mean anyone else who isn’t a ‘V’-word?”

Sirius told James of his vampirism nearly a decade ago now, when he’d needed his help to sell his New York flat and fend off Tony once and for all. Regulus, much to Sirius’s displeasure, had been involved too. He still had nightmares about Tony getting his filthy hands on his little brother, those cold, bloodless hands, all over Reggi’s thin neck, his shot black curls, his sad grey eyes…

“Yes, that’s what I mean. I’m not exactly sure how my ageing process – if there is one – works, but what I know is I’ll outlive you all. You, Lily, Reggi, Remus, even Harry…” his voice shook. “I don’t think it’s right, I don’t think it’s natural , and it’s not something I want —”

“What are you saying, Pads?”

“I’m saying that when the time comes, when you and Remus and Reggi are… gone — I want out .”

“And what about Harry? You’re his godfather.”

“Do you think Harry will benefit from having a godfather around who is physically younger than him? No, that would seriously mess him up, I think.”

Sirius saw the conflict in James’ demeanour, the tension spreading from his jaw to his neck and shoulders, his hand raking his hair restlessly. “So, what are you suggesting?”

“I’m not suggesting anything,” he sighed, “James, I need your help. I can’t go on living without you, and Remus, and Reggi and everyone, and, frankly, I don’t want to.”

“You’re asking me to kill you?” 

“What? No, I’m not asking you anything of the sort. I’m just saying that when the time comes, I want to have measures in place —”

“Measures?!”

“Yes, measures. A stake through the heart, holy water, garlic, silver bullets, or whatever cliché you can think of… Whenever Remus is gone, and you’re gone, and Reggi is gone… I want you to help me have a plan in place.”

“Why aren’t you asking Reggulus for help? Or Remus?” James’ eyes were red and bulging.

“Prongs, you know I could never ask that of Reggi. Never. And Remus —” he thought about it for a second, “No, Remus would tell me I need to keep on living, move on and be happy and remember him fondly, or some idiotically noble thing like that. I don’t work that way. I don’t want that.”

James sighed a rattly, croaky sound that dangerously resembled a sob. He turned his watery brown eyes, resigned and desperate, to Sirius and said, “Alright, then. Let’s plan your death.”

…

When Sirius got home that night, he found Remus’ inert shape curled up in their bed, asleep and twitching from a dream. He kissed his scarred, crooked nose, his left temple where greys sprouted amidst his not-brown strands, and took in the familiar smell of him. 

“Hey,” Remus’ eyes blinked open, and he smiled sleepily at him.

“Hey.”

“How’s James?”

“Same old.”

“How was the trip back?”

“Too long,” Sirius let himself collapse onto the bed, boots and all, and curled into Remus’ arms. He felt Remus sniff his hair and softly kiss the nape of his neck, “It’s good to be home.”