Chapter Text
Fraser’s breath caught in his throat as Jimmy assaulted his lips once again. Whatever drug had been slipped into his tea, combined with his physical injuries, left him with no energy to fight back. His breathing was quick and ragged and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His grip on consciousness was slipping quickly and he prayed to anyone that would listen that Ray would get to him before Jimmy could further assault his body. Gathering the last of his remaining strength, he raised his right knee forcefully, aiming at Jimmy’s groin. Jimmy twisted and Fraser missed, striking only his inner thigh. It was enough to knock his attacker off balance but not enough to dislodge him from Fraser’s waist.
Jimmy delivered another stinging slap to Fraser’s already bruised cheek. Fraser let out a startled cry and could taste the blood forming on his split lip. “Why are you doing this?” he managed to say in a strangled voice. “You don’t even know me…” Fraser grimaced as Jimmy pressed a firm hand into his injured arm.
“Oh, I know enough about you Benton Fraser. I know that you have the good looks that anybody would want, man or woman and you’re quite the catch. You care more about your friend’s well-being than your own and that’s why you aren’t going to put up a fight once Ray gets here.” Jimmy leaned over and whispered in Fraser’s ear. “When I’m through beating him to within an inch of his life, then I’m going to drag his sorry ass in here and make him watch as I take you from him. And you’re not going to put up a fight because you know… I will kill him if you do. Besides… that little ‘treat’ I slipped into your tea… you’re just going to lay there and take it.” Jimmy slid his finger up Fraser’s side. “Ray always got the best of everything… well, now I’m taking the best from him. You’re even better than Stella.”
Jimmy delivered another bruising kiss to Fraser’s lips and bit his lower lip before letting go, drawing more blood to the already abused surface. “Imagine my shock when I found out that you had been driving Ray’s car and not him. What a strange turn of events this has been. That mechanics job he told me about was perfect. I didn’t get the exact results I wanted, but…” Jimmy ran his finger across Fraser’s lips, “this will do as well.”
Fraser felt Jimmy’s finger trailing along his collar bone, and down his chest, stopping at the button to his jeans. The man toyed with the button while kissing Fraser’s collarbone.
Panic was rising in Fraser and he knew full well he was defenseless against Jimmy. His good arm was pinned to the bed with the weight of Jimmy’s knees and he hadn’t been able to move his broken arm a fraction of an inch since the accident. Fraser knew he was in trouble if help didn’t arrive soon.
Jimmy stopped playing with the button on Fraser’s jeans and Fraser felt himself relax for a split second until he felt Jimmy’s fingers pop the button loose. “Please… no,” he begged. Fraser was fading quickly with the combined drugs and the intense pain of having Jimmy sitting on his cracked ribs. He couldn’t breathe and the darkness was closing in.
Jimmy removed his hand from Fraser’s zipper and ran his rough fingers over Fraser’s bloody lip. “You’re right… let’s wait until Ray gets here. I want you conscious for the party.” Jimmy slid off Fraser’s waist and off the bed. He left the bedroom and went into the kitchen and Fraser could hear the refrigerator door opening and a beer bottle being popped open. Fraser breathed a sigh of relief and was grateful at least one of his faculties was unimpaired. The cap hit the floor and bounced until it came to a stop against the wall. At least Jimmy was off of him and out of the room. Maybe, he would be able to muster up enough strength to fight back when he returned.
Ray slammed his cell phone down on his desk. The back of the phone popped off and bounced across the desk and fell to the floor. Francesca had just dropped a file in Ray’s inbox and leaned over to retrieve the cell phone back.
“You might need this.” Francesca held the piece out to Ray. “What’s wrong?” she asked when she noticed Ray’s intense anger.
“That fucking asshole has Fraser!” Ray shoved past Francesca and barged into Lieutenant Welsh’s office.
Frannie quickly reassembled the cell phone and followed Ray. Fraser was in trouble.
Welsh was in no mood to be bothered by the detective. He had his hands full with several accidents occurring across town involving ‘L’ trains that had overturned. There were multiple casualties and injuries and his police force was stretched thin trying to help with victims, traffic flow and the beginning of an investigation. He had no time for Detective Vecchio and his anger at the moment, unless he wanted to offer up his services and help out as well.
“We got a huge problem Lieu…” Ray started in but was cut off by Welsh.
“Detective… I don’t have time for your problems. What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be on some type of leave, taking care of the Constable? I have a city that is in disorder at the moment. So, unless you want to offer up your services… get out.”
Ray looked out the window of Welsh’s office and realized the squad room was fairly empty. ‘What was going on?’ he wondered, he didn’t really care… he had his own problem.
“Jimmy Akers has Fraser.” Ray blurted out. “I have to get him back. Don’t try and talk me out of going either, because I will hand in my badge right now.” Ray had his badge off his hip and on Welsh’s desk in a flash.
Welsh sighed, picked up the discarded badge and tossed it back to Ray. “Where is he?”
“My apartment.” Ray explained.
“And you’re certain of this how?” Welsh asked with a hint of uncertainty.
“He just called my cell from my apartment and told me he had Fraser. I have to go… I have to go now. I don’t know what he’s capable of… I don’t want to know. I just need to go, back up or not… I’m going.” Ray turned to leave and stopped when Welsh called his name.
“Detective… I will find some officers to back you up, but I can’t tell you when they will be there. Okay… and Ray, use your head. Don’t go running in there half- cocked. Keep your head on straight. This guy is no boy scout.”
“Yeah… he got kicked out of the boy scouts.” Ray replied dryly.
“Ray, is there anything I can do to help?” Frannie asked as she handed him his cell phone.
“Thanks, Frannie,” Ray said gratefully. If he wasn’t careful, she would want to come with him and save Fraser herself… probably get her head kicked in, in the process. “Can you keep Dief here?”
“Sure, thing… please be careful.” Frannie gave him a reassuring smile as he darted out of the office to rescue Fraser.
The drive to his apartment building was full of detours because of the accident and Ray didn’t think he was ever going to make it. ‘Hang on, Ben’ he kept thinking. He sped up as he darted down side streets. He tried not to imagine how Fraser must be feeling now. Had he remembered anything about Ray, about how they were together? Did he still think Ray was an abuser? ‘God… what if he’s still scared of me?’ Ray thought. The image of Fraser scared of him… it broke his heart. Even worse- what was Jimmy doing now? ‘Don’t think about that, Kowalski…’
During the drive, Ray thought of the best way to surprise Jimmy. The bastard knew he was coming, but did he expect him to just come waltzing in through the front door? Ray didn’t want to startle him either, he didn’t need to get Fraser killed. The fire escape… yes… that was his ticket in. Ray remembered unlocking it for Diefenbaker a few weeks back and was praying that Fraser never re-locked the damn thing. Ray neared his apartment building and parked in the rear where he could easily access the fire escape. He put his phone on vibrate and checked the clip to his gun. He was good to go.
Ray took a calming breath and began to rapidly climb the rickety steps to his apartment. He was worried the thing would fall apart on him. The creaks and clanking were not very reassuring and didn’t calm Ray’s already frazzled nerves. He slowed his steps, fearful Jimmy would hear all the clanging noises the rusted steps where making with each of his movements. He reached the window of his apartment and told himself not to kill the bastard the second he laid eyes on him.
He glanced in the window, looking for signs of movement. He could only see shadows through the sheer drapes and watched as Jimmy left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. He never closed the door but it gave Ray enough cover to slide the window up… ‘Thank- you kindly, Fraser, for not locking it’… and he quietly slipped into the apartment. He noticed an empty beer bottle on the breakfast bar and a newly opened one beside it. ‘Great… the bastard had been drinking.’
Ray glanced around and saw no signs of Fraser and panic set in again. What if Jimmy had already…? ‘No’… he told himself, ‘don’t go there.’ He slipped behind the thicker drapes when he heard the toilet flush and peered out enough to follow Jimmy’s retreat into his bedroom. He heard the stinging slap and the cry that followed. ‘I’m gonna kill the bastard for hurting Fraser.’
“What’s taking him so long, huh?” Jimmy asked Fraser as he delivered another slap to the face.
Fraser had been losing the fight to remain conscious, but the stinging slaps kept bringing him back to reality. Jimmy had said he wanted him conscious ‘for the party’. He tried to say something, but didn’t know what and even then, he couldn’t find the strength to form a coherent sentence. Jimmy pushed off the bed and Fraser groaned as his pain came rushing back. Jimmy left the bedroom and went to retrieve his beer from the kitchen. He took a long swallow with his back to the living room.
“You aren’t so smart, are you?” Ray asked with his gun raised and pointed at Jimmy’s back. “Turn around asshole!”
Startled, Jimmy dropped his bottle to the floor, sending beer and glass shards scattering across the tiled floor. He slowly turned around and faced a very angry Ray Kowalski.
“Ray… old buddy, old pal. What the hell took you so long?” Jimmy asked with a smirk. “Benton and I have been waiting for you.”
“I’m not your buddy and I’m certainly not your pal and you better not have laid a hand on him.” Ray replied, anger filling his voice.
“I don’t think it’s the hands you need to worry about, Ray.” Jimmy responded smugly taking a step forward.
Ray unclicked the safety on his gun. “Don’t give me a reason to kill you.” Jimmy stopped and the wicked smirk returned to his face.
“You going to shoot me, Ray? An unarmed man. Come on… we were friends, weren’t we?” Jimmy stared hard at Ray, trying to read his next move.
Fraser shook his head trying to clear away the cobwebs caused by the drug he ingested with his tea. Did he just hear Ray’s voice? He turned his head the best he could and saw Ray pointing his gun, he assumed towards Jimmy. From his vantage point on the bed, he could only see Ray. Fraser sighed with relief. Ray had come to rescue him.
He heard the two men exchanging words but couldn’t clearly make out what was being said. He tried sitting up but had no strength to move his limbs. His arms and legs were not responding to his inner command to move. Fraser saw something sail through the air towards Ray. The glass dish Ray kept his keys in on the breakfast bar, Jimmy must have thrown it, trying to catch Ray off guard. He heard the dish shatter upon impact with a hard surface and Ray let out a startled curse.
It must have worked, because two seconds later Jimmy was bursting through the bedroom door. He made it to within two feet of the bed and Fraser’s terror was back in full force. He knew he couldn’t defend himself against Jimmy in his current state. He saw the hunger in Jimmy’s eyes and his heart was pounding. Where was Ray?
Out of the corner of his eye, Fraser saw Ray lunge for Jimmy, effectively knocking Jimmy away from Fraser and onto the floor. Ray picked Jimmy up by the shirt and slammed him into the bedroom wall. He slid down smooth surface into a heap on the floor. Ray turned his attention towards Fraser on the bed.
“Ben, are you okay?” Ray frantically scanned Fraser’s body to take in any injuries he may have sustained at the hands of Jimmy. He’d heard the bastard hitting him, and Fraser’s lip was bleeding out… but- ‘oh thank God.’ Jimmy hadn’t molested him. ‘He’s still got all his clothes on.’
Fraser’s eyes grew wide when he saw Jimmy stand up behind Ray. He never got a chance to warn Ray as Jimmy struck him from behind. Ray fell forward onto Fraser and Jimmy pulled him off and punched him in the stomach, doubling him over. He lifted a knee into Ray’s face and sent him reeling backwards into the hall leading to the living room.
Jimmy followed Ray into the hall, shaking the pain out of his fist. Ray lay on the floor dazed. He brought his hand up to his nose and it came away covered in blood. He saw Jimmy standing over him and he delivered a swift kick into the man’s groin. It bought Ray enough time to scoot back and get to his feet. He took up his boxer’s stance and delivered a solid punch to Jimmy’s face. He turned and put himself between Fraser and Jimmy and continued his assault on the asshole, who had hurt his lover. He kept moving forward, backing his enemy further into the living room.
Fraser had lost track of both men. He caught brief glances as they exchanged blows. He knew Ray had his gun. He saw it when Ray first entered the apartment, but he didn’t have it in the bedroom just a few moments ago. Had he lost it when Jimmy threw the dish at him? Fraser heard the sound of broken glass and Ray cursing. He fought against his body to try and get up and help Ray but it was useless.
Fraser heard Ray and Jimmy exchanging punches. Both men were cursing as they traded blows. Lamps and potted plants were sent crashing into the floor, breaking as the men assaulted each other. Both men’s faces were covered in blood and Fraser cringed at the injuries they were sustaining at the hands of each other. Suddenly, the thumping and the banging had stopped. Fraser lost sight of both men.
The only thing Fraser could hear was his heart beating loudly in his chest. He strained his head further and could see Ray standing with his arm stretched in front of him. He was holding his gun.
“Give me a reason… one good reason why I shouldn’t just kill you.” Ray was trembling as he spoke.
Jimmy shifted into Fraser’s sight and Fraser wished he could read Ray’s mind, wished he knew what he was thinking. He was fearful of what would happen if Ray shot Jimmy. Sure, it would have been in self- defense if they were still fighting, but they weren’t. Ray would have no defense against a charge of shooting Jimmy in cold blood and IA would eat him alive.
“Ray…” It came out in a muffled whisper at best. Fraser tried again. “Ray... please…don’t.” Fraser managed to croak out.
Not taking his eyes or gun off Jimmy, Ray acknowledged Fraser’s plea. “You’re right… he’s not worth it, Ben.”
Ray heard movement outside both the door and the fire escape and breathed a sigh of relief… back up had finally arrived. The officers made their way into the apartment and cuffed Jimmy and read him his rights. Ray immediately retreated to his bedroom and leaned over Fraser.
“Ben… open your eyes. Come on buddy, you’re safe now… I’m here.” Ray was begging Fraser to cooperate.
Fraser’s eyes fluttered open slowly and focused on Ray’s face as he leaned over him. He noted the cuts and bruises and the blood… so much blood and his heart ached for him. He tried to tell Ray that he was okay, that Jimmy hadn’t hurt him but all he managed was “Ray…” before the darkness pulled him under.
Ray was terrified when he couldn’t get Fraser to wake up. ‘Had Jimmy drugged him?’ He shook Fraser’s shoulders frantically. “Ben… Ben… come on. You’re scaring me…you gotta wake up, buddy.” Getting no response, he ran out into the living room and ordered someone to call for an ambulance.
Ray paced the length of the emergency room. Wasn’t it just a matter of a few days ago that he had been doing the exact same thing? He was worried about Fraser. He hadn’t regained consciousness between the apartment and the ER. Jimmy was no help in providing any answers either. So, Ray paced and waited on the doctors. He caught sight of Inspector Thatcher and bit back a curse. He didn’t want to have to deal with her right now.
Thatcher stopped at the nurses’ station and was directed to the waiting room Ray was currently pacing.
“What are you doing here Detective? Don’t you think you have caused enough harm to my Constable?” She noted his injuries and wrinkled her nose. “And for God’s sake, get yourself cleaned up.”
Ray looked down his body and noticed the blood covering his clothing for the first time. He ran his eyes over his knuckles and noticed the cuts and abrasions on them. The woman had a point but he wasn’t about to leave and let the Ice Queen get to see Fraser first. No… he was just fine, thank you. He resumed his pacing.
“You do realize, don’t you, that he is leaving with me once they discharge him? He is expected in Canada by week’s end and he will be there. He can heal once he gets settled into his new posting.” Inspector Thatcher sat down on a hard plastic chair and smoothed out her jacket.
Ray had had it with her prissy attitude and was ready to knock her off her high horse. He stood in front of her and folded his arms.
Thatcher glanced up at the blond detective hovering over her. “Do you mind?”
“As a matter of fact, I do mind. I mind that you come parading in here acting like you give a damn about Fraser and I mind that you think he is going to be following you back to Canada. Have you ever once asked him what he wants?” Ray demanded to know.
“Constable Fraser is my responsibility and I believe it is in his best interest to be assigned to a posting in the Territories, once again.” She explained to Ray. “I don’t want word getting out that one of my constables is… gay.”
“Lady… the RCMP have moved on and they’re not as homophobic as you are.” Ray educated Thatcher.
“I’m not homophobic, Detective… I’m simply thinking of his career here.” She spat back.
“His career? Are you kidding me? If you were thinking of his career, you would have sent him back the second you got your position here. What do you think your superiors will say to you harassing Fraser? Giving him all the shitty little jobs that a peon could do and not allowing him to do real police work unless he’s working with me. Huh, what do you think they will say to that?” Ray shot back, anger creeping into his voice.
Thatcher glanced around and was thankful the ER was fairly empty of other people. “Would you lower your voice, please?”
“The only reason you’re sending him packing after all these years is you found out he’s in a relationship with me. That’s when you put in the transfer request isn’t it? You figured you couldn’t have him to yourself anymore so, what? I couldn’t have him either?” Ray’s anger was rising.
“I have no idea what you are talking about. I have no relationship with Constable Fraser and it’s what… your word against mine with all of these accusations of yours. Who do you think my superiors are going to believe? One of their own or a Chicago detective who has anger issues and almost beat a man to death with his own hands? Look at yourself, Detective… you obviously cannot control yourself. Now, if you will excuse me…”
Inspector Thatcher rose to her feet but Ray didn’t budge. “You think your superiors will be happy to learn that you wanted to have him moved while he was still lying in a hospital bed after a serious car accident? You think that maybe they don’t care about his well- being? Even after what happened here today, you’re still pushing for him to be sent off to Canada. He’s not even conscious yet. Ultimately, he works for them, not you. Don’t think I won’t pick up the phone and call them. I have plenty of people to back me up. You’re not the only one with connections, lady. Keep pushing for his transfer and I will make sure you don’t have a single person working under you anymore.”
Ray stepped back and Thatcher stood there staring, trying to decide if he was in fact bluffing. “You wouldn’t dare.” She challenged.
Ray stepped closer to Thatcher and got in her face. “I love him and don’t think for a minute that I’m not going to protect him, from scumbags like Jimmy Akers to wicked bosses like you. Withdraw his transfer or you’re really going to see my nasty side.”
Inspector Thatcher stepped away from Ray and smoothed out her jacket. She considered her options before responding. “Very well, Detective. Perhaps I was a bit hasty in my decision. I will retract his transfer but the moment his relationship with you interferes with his duties… he’s gone. You can count on that.” Thatcher pushed passed Ray and left the emergency room in a huff.
Ray congratulated himself on the victory. It was short lived. His thoughts drifted back to Fraser and what kind of condition he was in. What had Jimmy done to him? He was about to flag down the next nurse he saw, when a doctor came out of the ER doors looking for him.
“Detective Vecchio?” the doctor asked and quickly recognized Ray from the last time he was there with Fraser. “We meet again, unfortunately. Your friend is going to be fine.”
“What happened to him? He didn’t look like he had been hurt but I couldn’t get him to wake up.” Ray was beginning to tremble. He wished he would have killed Jimmy instead of beating the living snot out of him.
“He was drugged… a very strong sedative, something to knock him out and partially paralyze his extremities. It is starting to work its way out of his system and he should be much more coherent in the next few hours.” The doctor squeezed Ray’s shoulder. “You can relax, Detective… he’s going to be okay.”
“You’re sure?” Ray questioned again.
“Yes, he’s going to be fine. His other injuries were not affected. Why don’t you have someone bring you a change of clothing while you wait for him to wake up and I will have a nurse take a look at those cuts on your hands and face?” The doctor led Ray over to an open room and called for a nurse. “When she is done, she will take you to his room.”
“Thank you.” Ray breathed a sigh of relief. Fraser was going to be okay, Jimmy was behind bars and Fraser wouldn’t have to take the transfer to Canada. Life was good again. He tried to sit patiently as the nurse bandaged his cuts but he just wanted to see Fraser. He just wanted to be able to touch him and see for himself that he was indeed okay, and then he could truly relax.
The nurse finished and handed Ray a clean doctor’s scrub top. She smiled at him and replied softly. “You don’t look like you’re willing to leave to change clothes. Slip this on and I will take you to your friend.”
Ray thanked her and pulled off his soiled shirt and exchanged it for the clean scrubs. He decided it was a good idea that he didn’t freak Fraser out with his appearance. The nurse led Ray down a short hallway and to Fraser’s door. “He’s still resting, please don’t wake him.” She squeezed his arm and walked away.
Ray entered Fraser’s room quietly and sat down in the all too familiar chair. Fraser appeared to be sound asleep in the bed and Ray didn’t notice any new injuries except the split and swollen lip. ‘Did Jimmy bite him on top of the slaps he had heard? Thank god he didn’t do anything worse.’ He took Fraser’s still hand in his and a tear slipped down his bruised cheek. It was finally over.
Fraser stirred and turned his head towards Ray. He opened his eyes and focused on his friend. “Ray…” his voice was barely a whisper. “I’m so sorry.” He squeezed Ray’s hand with the little strength he had regained.
“Ben… it’s not your fault. We got Jimmy okay, it’s all over.” Ray wiped his eyes and tried to reassure Fraser with a smile.
“I remember, Ray… I remember us.” Fraser smiled and locked eyes with Ray. “Will you take me home?”
“Of course.” Ray stood up, leaned over the bed and kissed Fraser. Fraser pulled him closer with his good hand wrapped around the back of Ray’s neck. “I love you, Ben,” Ray whispered.
“And I you,” Fraser replied.
Oh, God, thank God, Ray thought. Fraser sealed his words with a kiss.
Ray worked the key into the lock of Fraser’s apartment door and kicked it open with his foot. He entered and Fraser followed slowly. Ray closed the door behind him and set the bags of groceries on the countertop in the kitchen. Fraser walked over to the couch and ran his hand along the back of it before turning to face Ray. “I’m sorry for the accusations I placed on you, Ray,” Fraser said, looking ashamed. “I was confused and hurting and…” his voice trailed off. “Not a whole lot of stuff was making sense to me.”
Ray stopped putting the groceries away. ‘Poor Ben,’ he thought. ‘It wasn’t his fault… none of it.’ He walked over to Fraser and stood in front of him. “Ben… it’s okay. You didn’t know and you had to protect yourself.”
“I didn’t do a very good job,” Fraser said, bitterly.
“You did your best…”
“Yes.” Fraser smiled. “And you were there…”
Ray gently touched his arm.
“There are still a few things that are a little fuzzy, but my relationship with you is clear. I know that your arms are home and that’s where I’m safe.” Fraser held out his hand and brushed it across Ray’s bruised cheek. “Thank you… for being patient and not giving up on me.”
Ray melted into Fraser’s touch. “God, Ben… I’ve missed you.” Ray leaned his forehead against Fraser’s. “When did it start to come back? Your memory?”
“Jimmy had convinced me that he was you and I was confused enough to buy it. After he kissed me, I knew something wasn’t right. The kiss was different than yours and his touches were rougher. I still wasn’t entirely sure, until he forced me into your bedroom…” Fraser’s voice stopped abruptly. He tried again, and chocked.
“Ben?”
“I’m alright. Sorry.” Fraser smiled, apologetically, and continued. “Then I remembered our first night together. He called me Benton all the time.” Fraser’s eyes went thoughtful, staring off into the past. “Nobody calls me that, anymore.”
“Your mom call you that?”
“No,” Fraser smiled. “She called me Ben. My grandparents called me Benton.”
Ray smiled. He should have figured that one out.
Fraser settled on the couch and patted the cushion beside him.
“Let’s sit down, and I will tell you everything I remember.”
Ray made Fraser some tea and some coffee for himself and Fraser couldn’t help but smile as he stood up and went to the drawer where Ray kept his M&M’s stashed. He handed them over to a surprised Ray. “I told you, I remember.” Ray took the candy and dumped it into his coffee and gave Fraser a lingering kiss.
Finally, they drew back from the kiss. Fraser was smiling and stroked Ray’s cheek, then sighed and walked back to the couch.
Ray sat beside him. He put his coffee down and held Fraser’s hand. He wasn’t looking forward to this, but Fraser had to tell him what had happened.
Fraser slowly told the story of how Jimmy followed him to the park and had taken him to Ray’s apartment while convincing him he was Ray. Ray was amazed at the length Jimmy had gone to with his obsession of Fraser. He noticed Fraser had barely touched his tea. He touched Fraser’s knee to get his attention. “Hey, you okay?”
Fraser shook his head, ‘no’. “Ray,” he said miserably. “I still have to go back. I’m due to be at my posting at the end of the week.” Fraser looked up and locked his glistening steel blue eyes onto Ray’s. “But I… I can’t bring myself to leave you.”
“What if I told you that you don’t have to?” Ray was grinning like the cat that ate the canary or the Chicago flatfoot that knocked the Ice Queen off her high horse.
“What are you talking about?” Fraser asked puzzled. “What happened?”
“Let’s just say that the Ice Queen came to her senses, with a little help from yours truly. You can stay as long as you want.”
“As long as you will have me…” Fraser stated with no hint of hesitation and Ray reaffirmed with a deep kiss.
Epilogue
Ray didn’t quite know where to look as they walked together toward Fraser’s apartment - no, hang on. Their apartment. They had finally decided to move in together three weeks ago and had spent the last week making it their own. Fraser had pretended not to want the chili pepper lights in the kitchen, but he was always the first to turn them on when he went to make Ray’s coffee in the morning. Ray smiled fondly as he remembered Fraser carefully packing the lights. He only acted like he didn’t want them, but Ray knew better.
Ray couldn’t believe that Fraser’s arm was finally out of its sling. The doctor had told them everything was okay, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. The pins were never coming out...
“Ray,” Fraser said, gently. “Don’t be so worried.”
“Who says I’m worried?”
“You have that look on your face.”
“What look?”
“That worried look.”
“Oh.” Ray grinned, a little sheepishly. He’d been doing that a lot, recently, worrying. Fraser was always telling him not to worry.
“I’m fine,” Fraser reassured him. “I promise I won’t break. Remember what the counselor told us? It’s not our fault. Jimmy is a sick man. We’re going to be okay, Ray. Just one day at a time.”
Fraser was right, of course. He hadn’t broken. Ray reached out, and took Fraser’s hand in his. The counselor had helped them both with their personal demons concerning Jimmy and Ray knew there was some long term healing that still needed to take place, but they were in it together. He gave Fraser’s hand a gentle squeeze as they headed into the apartment.
“You sure you’re okay with this?”
Fraser smiled at him. “I’m more than ‘okay’ with it,” he said, “I’ve been dreaming about it for weeks.”
“Dreaming about what? Moving in together or…?” Ray asked with a crooked grin.
“What do you think, Ray?”
Okay... that’s a lot to live up to... a Mountie’s dreams.
Seemed that Ray’s Mountie had been having very passionate dreams and for weeks. They were no sooner in the door, when Fraser turned around, and pressed him to the wall, leaning passionately into a kiss. Ray felt his heart leap in his throat. They’d kissed, since Jimmy had been arrested, since they’d known they were safe here in Chicago, but this was the first time that Fraser had been forceful. Ray leaned into Fraser’s embrace, and pushed his hands into his hair. “Ben,” he said, and moaned. Fraser’s mouth was all over him, and...
“Bedroom,” Fraser said, “now...” Then, as though he didn’t want to seem too rude, he added, “please?”
Ray laughed at his lover’s ingrained politeness, and started walking backwards, as Fraser directed him to their bed.
“You said you needed directions,” Ray murmured into Ben’s mouth.
“So I did,” Fraser replied. Ray could feel the curve of Fraser’s smile, as he dropped his head to his neck, and nuzzled his collar bone. “I have a very poor sense of direction.”
“I thought you could find your way through anything without a compass.”
“Ah, well. You’re my Northern Star.”
Ray laughed, trying to hide his feelings. “Freak.”
Fraser didn’t stop smiling, just nuzzled his head lower and lower, kissing through the fabric of Ray’s t- shirt. He shook his head, like Dief coming up out of water. “Dear Lord,” he said, “why are we still wearing clothes? Get them off!” Ray started laughing, and then tickling, and then they were pulling each other’s clothing off. There were far too many layers between them.
“Is that better, Ben,” Ray said, breathlessly.
“Yes,” Fraser said, and started stroking Ray, up and down his body. Ray could feel the heat of Fraser’s hands, travelling from the nape of his neck, fluttering gently down to cup his ass.
“Ben,” he groaned, “You’d better not stop.”
“Shush,” Fraser murmured. “I’ll only stop if you want me too.”
Ray lay back, and let Fraser take charge. He needed this - to know Fraser wanted him, but also for Fraser to be the one in control, to know that he was safe. He let Fraser kiss him, all over, little feather touches. After a while, he thought those kisses were going to drive him mad - but he didn’t want to push anything. They’d done stuff since Jimmy, but this was the first time that he’d been sure Fraser was well enough to...
“Oh, God!” Ray breathed out, and gasped as his hips hitched up. Fraser had started kissing him... there. That felt... good. He let his hands fall on Fraser’s head, and stroked the soft hair. He could still feel Fraser’s smile, against his inner thigh. “That’s good,” he moaned. Fraser lifted his head, and gazed up at him, still smiling.
“If you like, I could just do this all night.”
Ray growled. “Don’t you dare.”
With a chuckle, Fraser wriggled up the length of Ray’s body, and smiled into his eyes. “So, what do you want to do?”
“I...” Ray wanted a lot of things. He wanted Fraser in him, he wanted to be in Fraser, but... what he really wanted, what he needed, was just to feel Ben’s touch...
“You’re doing it again,” Fraser said, and put a finger between Ray’s eyebrows, right on his frown line. “Stop worrying.”
“I’m not worried,” Ray said. “So long as you touch me.”
“You’ve been worrying,” Fraser corrected him gently. “You’ve been scared you’ll hurt me. You won’t hurt me. I want to know what your fingers and your hands feel like again, and what your lips taste like.” Fraser rested his head on the pillow, next to Ray’s, and stared deep into his eyes. “I want you to kiss him away,” he said, quietly. “I want your touch on me. You mustn’t be afraid to touch me.”
“Oh, Ben,” Ray said, “I’m sorry.” Fraser was right - Ray had been scared to touch him. And it was nothing Fraser had said or done. It was just Ray, being scared to hurt him. “Let me touch you, Ben. Please?”
“Please,” Fraser sighed, and rolled onto his back.
Ray stared at him, the whole beautiful naked length of Ben Fraser, spread out just for him, and his mouth went dry. Ben trusted him. Even after what happened, he was able to lie back, completely open beneath Ray’s gaze, and not be afraid. Trembling, Ray dipped his head and started to kiss him. Timid at first, he started to nip and tickle, teasing the nipples into hard peaks. Fraser twisted a little beneath him, his breath growing shallow. Growing bolder, Ray moved lower down, until his head rested on Fraser’s groin. Ray loved that smell - musty, and strong, and male.
Fraser opened his eyes, and gave him a disapproving look.
“Don’t stop now,” he said. “I told you, I won’t break.”
“You really want this, Ben?”
“Yes, Ray,” Fraser said. “Good Lord, would I say it if I didn’t mean it?” With an eye roll and a chuckle, he gave Ray a little slap on the thigh, to make him shift. Then he wriggled, and opened his legs. “Seriously, how much more ready could I be?”
Ray felt himself grinning. “You’re absolutely sure? You really mean it?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake...” Frustrated, Fraser hooked a hand behind Ray’s head and pulled him into a kiss. “Yes. I really, really do.” He parted his lips and allowed Ray’s tongue unguarded access.
Ray ran his long slender fingers over Fraser’s body and Fraser melted into his tender touch. Ray took his time exploring and rediscovering Fraser’s muscular body. With each loving caress shared, the two slowly merged into one and found their rhythm once again.
Ray awoke from his love- making slumber. He grinned and rolled over, comfortably. He realized that he was still wrapped in Fraser’s arms. It felt so safe, so comfortable. Maybe, Ray thought, sleepily, that’s how a ship feels when it comes into a harbor...
“How are you feeling, Ben?”
Fraser turned his head so their lips met. They shared a loving kiss before he answered.
“I’m with you,” Fraser murmured into the kiss. “I’m home.”
The End