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Chapter Text

Holly Wheeler will never forget the day Mike Wheeler ruined her perfect life.

Holly has lived her whole life thinking she’s had everything she’s ever wanted. Her Christmas lists are full of check marks, her room is a pretty light pink and full of all the stuffed animals she’s ever asked for, she’s got friends, she’s got great siblings who care for her, and parents who love her. All her siblings do. They’ve lived great, plentiful childhoods, happy and carefree. They have everything.

She just isn’t quite sure why her brother can’t get that.

There's always been a bit of an awkward age gap between them, Nancy and Mike being so much older. Nancy was already in college by the time she was in first grade and Mike was only a few years behind. So maybe it was hard to be the close-knit siblings she desired, but it wasn't all terrible.

When Holly was young, younger than she is now, still in elementary school, Mike made sure to play with her. He read her comics and showed her tv shows and let her try his video games. Sometimes she could even convince him to play house.

Her mom was great, always making her dinner and placing band-aids on her bruised knees. Her dad was great, watching tv with her and holding her when she was tired. Nancy was great, always telling her about the world and doing fun things like dress up.

But Mike?

Mike was her favorite. He understood her somehow, showed her the things she wanted to see and told her the things she wanted to hear. He played with her when no one asked and he let her do things she wasn't supposed to do.

Thanks to Mike, she saw a PG-13 movie at age 6. Thanks to Mike, she knew how to hide gum under your tongue so you'd never get caught at school. Thanks to Mike, she knew how to burp on command and cheat on cards, the difference between Disney Snow White and the real on (although she still hasn't quite recovered from that) and the difference between a reptile and an amphibian. Thanks to Mike she knew how to tie a tie and powder her face with her mom's make up and ride a bike with no hands and why it's best to put syrup on eggs, and how to make lights glow from a potato, and all the other random stuff.

He had his friends, he had Nancy, but he still always made time for Holly.

Until the day she turned seven years old, Mike was the best brother in the world. Until the summer of 1986, she believed that would always be the case.

Holly's first memory happens two days before she turns three. Even though her dad thinks she’s too young to remember anything, her mom is insistent on giving her a memorable and fun birthday, plus, Mike and Nancy will surely have a good time anyway. They’re not too grown up yet.

So the amusement park it is.

Holly cries. She’s not much of crier usually, well, for her age at least, but today she cries. She cries because the car is Spring hot and Spring sticky and her dad yelled at her for asking if they’re there too many times. She cries because Nancy and Mike won’t stop fighting over the pretzels and because the music is too loud and her mom isn’t paying attention to her.

But when Holly cries, she tends to turn heads.

“Honey, honey, it’s okay,” her mom soothes, turning back in her seat to face her. “We’re almost there.” Then she turns to her still arguing kids and her eyes narrow, “you two better cut it out or you’ll be staying in the car.”

Eventually, they make it and Holly can’t ride the big rides like Nancy and Mike can so she sticks with her mom and they stick with dad. She’s stopped crying at this point as they find suitable rides like whirling teacups and horses that go up and down, rocket ships that float in the air and mini roller coasters drops a whole five feet. 

Her mom fills her with cotton candy and sugary juice and even a corn dog and some popcorn. She’s enraptured by the decorations of the place, entranced by the noises, the screams, the laughter, everything.

But none more than the lights. There’s always been something about lights that had drawn her in, the different colors, the way they aren’t always even but flicker and dim. The way they can fill up a room or just a tiny circle on a wall. It’s the reason she loves Christmas and doesn’t mind thunderstorms and has a bunch of glowing stars on her ceiling. Here, the lights are rainbow-like, tracing booths and small buildings alike and she can’t help but be mesmerized by them.

The sky starts to darken only furthering the magic of the glow around her as the sun sets. She follows the trail with awe, running through some crowds to make it to the best sight of all, a central fountain, water spewing from the center in loops and hoops and lights coming from the inside pool and middle pole. The whole thing looks like magic, like a fountain of youth or one you might give all your money to in hopes you get a little luck in return. It’s magical.

Holly turns to show her mom the fountain, to tug on her sleeve and beg for a penny. She turns to strangers, a straggling crowd and a couple of people on the other side. No one she knows and no one she recognizes.

“Mom? Mom!” But the truth hits her amid the water's glow. She left too fast and her mother is gone.

Holly is alone.

Panic washes through her as tears sting her eyes, a tantrum threatening to be unleashed.

She clutches at the fountain's edge as she cries, vision blurry as she calls but everyone seems too preoccupied with their own kids to do anything.

A hand grabs her, warm and firm and she turns from the water and blinks away her blurry vision.

“Holly! Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“Mike?” She asks as she takes in the concerned face of her brother, hair messed from the wind of too many rollercoasters, because he is tall and eleven, and a shirt stained with a couple drops of chocolate ice cream.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he says. “It’s okay, Holly.”

“I was alone,” she cries before Mike pulls into a tight hug. “I was scared.”

Was. Because now she isn’t. Her brother is here and he always makes everything better. Her brother is here and now everything feels alright. Her brother is here.

“Well, you’re not alone anymore,” Mike says. “You’ve got me. I know what it’s like to feel alone and I won’t let you feel that way anymore, okay? I’m here, don’t be scared.”

“I’m not scared anymore,” she says. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Mike says, pulling away. “Now let’s go find mom and dad, yeah? I bet we can convince them to buy us a funnel cake!”

And together they turn away from the setting sun and look for the rest of her family.

And Holly feels warm. Holly feels safe. Holly feels light.

When she is older she forgets all about the roller coasters and the screams and the funnel cake. All she remembers is that Mike is there and that she doesn’t have to be afraid.

Nancy has one best friend named Barbara, a red-headed girl who always brings Holly a piece of candy from her pocket and who hangs out with Nancy all the time. She has other friends too, Ally and Stacy, but they are mostly just school friends as Nancy always says. When they hang out, it's rarely at their houses.

Mike has three best friends. His party. Lucas, the next-door neighbor who can be almost as loud as her brother and who gives Holly a wave when he sees her but never chooses to interact. Probably because he has his own younger sister and doesn't need to bother with Holly. Then there's Dustin who always acts super interested in whatever she's doing. When she flips through a picture book about butterflies, he tells her a bunch of fun facts about how they turn from caterpillars to beautiful flying creatures. He tells her about space when she asks or flowers or insects or anything really. He's smart and funny and sounds silly when he talks.

Finally, there's Will. Mike swears up and down that he loves all his friends the same, that they are all his best friends in the entire world and Holly doesn't doubt that, but... somehow Will still seems to be Mike's bestest friend. The two of them knew each other the longest, they hang out the most alone, always stand near each other when doing anything, and can strike up a conversation no matter what. Will's the person she sees most and he's nice to her, compliments her drawings and even lets her hang out with him and Mike if the movie they're watching isn't too scary.

Holly has two best friends. She had Nancy and she has Mike.

One day she'll make more friends than just her siblings, friends beyond whatever play-dates her mom sets up with other three-year-olds, but for the most part, she's happy with just Mike and Nancy (even though Nancy's so much older she's practically an adult and Mike sometimes gets too caught up in Dungeons and Dragons).

Secretly though, she wishes she had more friends. Someone to doodle with her, to share her toys and her books. Someone to play house with whenever she wants to play and not just when she cries and begs them to (when she does get her siblings to play, Nancy is always the mom and Mike refuses to be anything but the family dog).

Today is one of those days she wishes she had a friend as she digs through her toy chest and takes out some of her favorite costumes. She places a tiara on top of her head and a pair of sunglasses over her eyes before grabbing some of her stuffed animals and starting to dress them up in other accessories.

Eventually, she heads downstairs and finds a couple of her mom's shoes, slipping into a pair of giant high heels. She starts walking around the downstairs area with them, careful as they slip against her feet and push on her toes. It feels weird, like she's constantly off balance and yet she feels tall and powerful too. As the shoes clack, they fuel her with excitement and she starts stomping around, jumping and dancing as the shoes hit the wooden ground in great clickety clacks. Like Cinderella at the ball!

"Holly!"

Two hands suddenly scoop her up and into the air and the shoes slip off, landing on the floor with one final noise.

"Don't play with those!" her mom scolds, adjusting her into one hand so she's resting against her hip. Then her mom turns her attention back to the phone call she was having as she paces slightly around the kitchen, twirling the wire with her finger.

"Yes, yes, sorry, just my daughter! Of course, sounds perfect..."

"Can we play?" Holly asks. "I'm having a party!"

Her mom gives her a look, shaking her head and gesturing at the phone as she continues to talk to the person on the other side.

Holly squirms and her mom finally lets her go, giving her a final stern look before turning away. Fighting the temptation to grab the heels and take off, Holly passes them and goes to the living room where her dad is asleep, the news playing quietly on the TV.

Normally, Holly isn't opposed to any kind of TV, but the news has always sort of been an exception. Nothing is interesting about a man in a tie standing there and talking about 'current events' or 'politics' or whatever other adult things Holly doesn't understand.

She's about to accept that she'll be on her own today when the door swings open and two boys rush in, faces flushed from the wind and wide smiles reflecting each other.

"And then when they were getting ready to fight! That was awesome!" Mike was recounting excitedly.

"Totally!" Will agreed. "And before that, with the fire. You jumped so bad!"

"Hey! You jumped too!"

"Barely," Will laughed. "And it was only because you jumped first and scared me."

Holly blinks at them with wide eyes, shuffling her feet slightly so she gets their attention. At first they're still too caught up in each other and whatever fun they just had to notice, but finally Will looks away from Mike and greets her.

"Oh, hey Holly! I like your tiara."

She grins, reaching to feel the crown still attached to her hair. "Do you want to play dress up with me?" She turns to his brother whose eyebrows furrow slightly as he bites his lip. It makes her falter in her joy for a moment, usually, her brother would totally agree. 

He glances at Will and then back at her before he opens his mouth.

"We'd love to!" Will answers first and Mike stares at him in shock.

"Really? We don't have to," Mike says. "She'll be fine by herself."

Will just gives him a shrug and a smile. "It sounds like fun."

Holly hops happily over to them and yanks on both their sleeves, dragging them back to her room before she starts shoving costumes in their arms. "Hmm, I have a pirate costume and a cloak for a prince for you two! Or I also have a dragon!" The dragon used to be Mike's when he was younger, but it hardly fits him anymore. "I'm going to be a princess!"

"Wait right here," Mike says, putting his hand out before dashing away.

He returns in nearly a second, almost crashing right into Will but catching himself as he pants. "Here..." he takes a deep breath and holds out some sort of cape. "Wizard's cloak... for Will the Wise!"

Will smiles but Holly remains confused. He takes it and throws it over his shoulders.

"And armor for me! I'm a paladin!"

Holly tilts her head at him. "What's that?"

"A paladin?" Mike asks in shock, taking a fake sword that he had sheathed in a random string tied around his waist. "Why, a paladin is only the bravest of warriors! Quick and clever and here to serve!" He holds the sword up, pointing it diagonally to the ceiling.

Giggling, Holly leads them to her room where she takes out her Snow-White-inspired princess gown. Mike helps her put it on. 

"You look like a perfect damsel in distress!" he says when he's done.

"I am not!" Holly argues. "I'm a warrior princess!" 

The three of them spend the next hour earning annoyed looks from the Wheeler parents as they run and jump around until eventually they are kicked outside to play before the sun goes down. When they eventually run out of steam, it is decided that Will can stay for a sleepover.

After dinner, Will and Mike retreat to the basement to go play with themselves. Holly can't help but feel a little jealous and lonely again but when she gets a drawing of Holly the Brave warrior princess the next morning, she smiles to herself and all her envy disappears. 

Kids are mean. Holly is four when she learns this. Not everyone is as nice as her parents or her siblings or even their friends. Kids say mean things and they take your dolls and they don't give them back.

She watches as the mean kid holds her dolly Jessica in his harsh grasp, grubby hands tight around her throat as he squeezes, bead eyes bulging.

"Give her back!" Holly demands.

The boy at the playground just laughs. He's clearly older and bigger and stronger and... "Or what?"

Holly feels herself shrinking her eyes cast from the boy to the doll to where her mom is talking to the other moms by the bench. "I'll tell my mom," she tries. "She's an adult! You'll be in trouble!"

His grin just grows even more malicious, sharpening cruelly. He takes the two hands of the doll and pulls them apart so she's stretched out in front of Holly. "You want to cry and get mommy like a baby?"

"I'm not a baby. I'm four!"

She watches the boy only stretch her doll out even more, sees how the seams come loose and the stuffing pokes out just slightly. Holly knows there is a difference between things that are alive and things that lay still, to be picked up and tossed around and used. She knows really the doll feels no pain but still it gives her goosebumps to see the torture the doll faces now.

"Stop! You're hurting her!" Holly cries.

The boy laughs, a sound almost as horrific as the ripping as the doll's arm comes off and is thrown to the ground, stuffing and beads spilling into the dirt. "Now she's as ugly as you are." He tosses the doll to the floor and laughs again before running away.

Holly drops to her knees, ignoring how the dirt presses uncomfortably to her knees, digging into her skin as if it will leave a forever stain. She picks up her doll tenderly and cradles her in her arms, tears cascading down her cheeks to her chin. She takes the arm, poking the stuffing back into place, and holds it where it should be but still Jessica just sits limp in her arms. Broken. Not hurt, not dead, because she was never alive. Just a toy and toys are dispensable. Toys are used and then they break or get broken and there's nothing to be done.

And the boy is right, she looks ugly covered in dirt with loose seams and no arms.

When Holly cries, she gently places her doll back in the dirt and stands up. One more glance, one last glance at the broken thing that was her friend before she turns away, no longer able to stare at her ugliness. She turns and doesn't look back. She wipes her eyes and runs to her mom and doesn't think about Jessica again. Only hopes someone will find her and throw her away like they are supposed to.

"Honey, come here," her mom says as she gets closer. "You've got dirt smeared on your face." She licks her finger and presses it to Holly's cheek, rubbing away whatever grime was there.

Holly just feels like crying again. The words play in her head over and over and it feels like she's popping at the seams, like her arm is being ripped off. Baby. Ugly.

"Are you ready to head home?" her mom asks and Holly nods. "Okay, where's your dolly? You don't want to forget her do you?"

Holly looks away. "I lost her."

Her mom gives her a sympathetic look. "Oh, Holly, that's okay. We'll find her; she can't have gone far."

And Holly wants to tell her no, to leave it be and not come back, but she doesn't. She follows her mom as they scour the playground before coming to the patch of dirt where Jessica lays in the center, broken arm draped over her cotton dress, pattern barely recognizable.

"Here she is," her mother coos, scooping the doll up and brushing the dirt off. When she sees the broken arm she says. "Oh no, it looks like someone might have played with her too rough. Well, we'll just have to fix her up, won't we?" Her mom looks at her expectantly with a smile and Holly only nods, taking the doll back when she places it in her hands.

Fixed.

She can still be fixed.

And now Holly can't help but smile too, clutching the little doll tighter in her arms. She's going to be pretty again. She's going to be alive.

Tears run down her face and take the rainbow surrounding her eyes with it, dragging the dark colors down as they leave stains across her skin. She presses the palms of her hand to the mark, trying desperately to wipe the evidence away but the colors continue to smudge across her cheeks, black and wet and swirling and her eyes are covered in a pink and purple mess and her lips are as red as summer raspberries and this isn't what was supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to happen at all.

She was supposed to be pretty. She was supposed to be beautiful.

And now she looks even worse than she did before. Ugly ugly ugly.

"Holly?" her brother pokes his head out from behind their parents door and Holly freezes, caught as she throws the stick she was holding down on the vanity and tries to hide her face in her hands.

She knows she's not supposed to get into her mom's makeup but she couldn't help it. When her mom goes into her room and to her vanity, she always comes out beautiful. Deep blues and pinks over her eyes, deep red lips, rosy cheeks. Holly just wanted to look like that.

"Oh... Holly," Mike says and at first she thinks he's going to scold her but then he just laughs. "You look like a clown!"

She immediately burst into more tears, sobbing at the words she knew were supposed to be innocent.

"No, no, that's not- That's not what I meant!" Mike backtracks, reaching for her before she can smudge the makeup anymore. "It looks-" he was never one for lying and instead settles for, "I like the colors."

"I- I look so ugly!" she sniffles, eyes getting even heavier with tears every time she looks in the mirror.

"No, Holls, you don't. You don't."

Mike doesn't lie... right?

She still sniffles. "I wanted to be pretty like mom."

"You are," Mike assures her. "You're so pretty, Holly. You're like princess level pretty!"

She cracks a smile. "Princess, really?"

"Totally," he nods. "Did- Did someone tell you that you weren't?" he asks carefully.

She nods.

Mike looks at her all sad like and she immediately wants to take it back. But the tears that are stained black on her cheeks can't really be unseen.

"Whoever told you that is a liar. Someone who wanted to hurt you because they were mean," Mike explains. "They're a bully and bullies are wrong, okay? Trust me, I have to deal with them too."

"But what if he was right?" Holly asks softly.

Mike sighs. "Am I ugly?"

"What? No! Not at all!"

"Well, do you want to know what some kids call me? They call me frogface." She can't help but giggle and he smiles, "Hey! That's mean!"

"But it's a silly name," she laughs, already feeling lighter.

"Yeah, it's just silly. There's no actual truth to it," Mike says. "Unless you actually think I look like a frog.

Again, Holly shakes her head, tears drying against her skin and a smile staying on her face.

"Here, let me go get you a wet rag so we can wipe this off, then how about you try it again with some help?"

"You can do makeup?"

"Well... No, but I've seen Nancy do it hundreds of times so it can't be that hard."

He grabs a towel and comes back, gently wiping her face of all the residue so he can try to start over. By the time he's done, all her tears and all the grime are gone. 

"I want pink!" she begs. "Lots and lots of pink!" 

"Okay!" he laughs, dipping a brush into a pink powder palette. "I think this is eye shadow." Her eyes flutter shut as he traces the lids with the brush, pausing to get more color and then doing the same thing on the other side. 

When she opens her eyes, he gives her a small grimace. "Um, I'm not really sure what I'm doing."

But when she looks in the mirror, there's a gorgeous pink over her eyes and it's fairly even and she can't help but smile. "Pretty!" she squeals. "Can you do the rest?"

When they are done, Holly has blush and eyeliner and bright pink lipstick and her hair is done up with a bow. "You won't tell mom about this?" she asks.

"'Course not," he assures. "Although we're going have to wipe it off soon if we don't want her finding out." 

She looks at herself in the mirror again and then looks at the blank face of her brother. "Can I do your makeup?"

He hesitates, fidgeting with the blush in his hand. "Boys don't really wear makeup."

She gives him the biggest pout she can muster. "Please?"

"Fine," Mike laughs. "But we definitely can't tell anyone about this." 

She smiles, grabbing the hot pink lipstick from the vanity. "Deal!" 

The Christmas season is Holly's favorite. Air filled with the scent of pine and peppermint, presents wrapped under the tree filled with all her heart's desire, and of course the beautiful lights covering every house on the block. It was a time for fun and laughter and love. A time for peace.

For joy.

So why did this year feel so much different? 

She sneaks closer to the door to hear the muffled noises from the other side. There's a hushing, some whispering going on from her brother's room, but there's definitely some crying. The very thought of someone crying only four days until Christmas dampens her own holiday spirit. She quickly rushes to her room and grabs a piece of paper and a used bag, then stuffing a couple more items inside before heading back to Mike's.

She knocks on the door and a rustle comes from the other side. And then-

"Come in."

Pushing the door open and clutching the bag tight in her hands, Holly's eyes fall to the two boys sitting together on the bed. Mike is looking at her all funny, eyeing the bag in her hand and tilting his head while Will gives her a small smile despite the clear tears still present in his eyes.

"Hi Holly," he says softly with a sniffle.

Suddenly, she feels a bit shy, a bit unsure but still she steps in as Mike's eyes soften with Will's approval and tell her to go on. She holds her bag out to Will, rocking back and forth on her heels.

Will takes it. "What is it?"

"Open it," Holly insists, grinning. "It's a present for you."

He matches her smile and opens the bag before pulling out the two used crayons Holly had dropped in there for him, one blue and one yellow. He gives her a slightly confused look. "Crayons?"

"Because you like to draw," Holly explains. "And they make you happy."

"Thanks, Holly," He says as Mike just watches from his side of the bed. "That's really sweet of you."

Mike grabs Holly and pulls her onto the bed between them. Will hugs her and she hugs him right back. "You're welcome!" she says because she's four now and knows all about being polite and manners and such.

"Mmm, what's that smell?" Mike asks.

"Mom's making Christmas cookies!" Holly explains.

"Smells like they're ready!"

Will leaves soon after, he hasn't stayed over very late recently and his mom or brother always picks him up. Holly is filled with nothing but contentment and Christmas cookies as she starts to head upstairs.

Once again, there's an intriguing noise on the other side of her brother's door and she stops in her tracks. Little kid curiosity over little kid concern.

"Come on... Come on..." her brother is mumbling, followed by the sound of some clanging and moving.

Holly opens the door to see her brother crouched on the ground and rummaging through some of his stuff, a distressed look pressed onto his face. He turns with a jump to look at her, almost like he was caught.

"What are you doing?" she asks, stepping into the room.

"Oh, I, uh, I was looking for something. Something for Will."

She creeps closer before sitting on the floor next to her brother and tilting her head. "Is it because he's sad?"

Mike stares at her, opening and closing his mouth before he slips out a sigh. "Yeah... It's just, he's had, like, the worst month ever, like ever ever and- and now that month is over but still... things don't feel like they used to anymore. He doesn't feel like he used to anymore."

"What happened?"

"Remember how he was lost?" Mike asks and Holly nods. "Well, he was really scared then and even though he's found now, he's still scared sometimes."

She remembers that week. She didn't know what was going on and her siblings were barely home. Her mom wouldn't tell her anything except that Will was missing and that it was going to be okay. But it wasn't okay. He was dead. And then he wasn't and Holly saw a monster and sometimes she still doesn't know what to believe. But she does believe the adults that keep her safe and they told her everything was okay. Everything was normal. So it must be. 

"But... you're here," Holly says. "And you always help make people not scared anymore."

He smiles at her. "Thanks but it's not that easy. The things that scare Will... they're hard to chase away. And- And I just want him to feel okay, to feel safe no matter what so things can go back to how they were, you know?"

She nods.

"I just want him to have a nice Christmas and for that, I need to find him the best gift ever."

She places a gentle hand on top of her brother's.

"And I'm scared too," he admits. "Everything's different now." 

Holly notices the change too, the change in her siblings growing up, but she doesn't yet know the fear. Except for that one week, everything stays the same and that's just how she likes it. They eat the same meals every week, she watches the same shows, she sees the same people. But she understands there's something about getting older that scares her brother. He acts differently now, ever since that week, sadder. Their parents yell at him more, he pushes around his food at the table. 

But instead of offering words, all she can do is reach over and give him a big hug, hoping he feels even just half as safe as she does when he hugs her. 

"Just ask, Holly, I promise it's not as scary as you think it will be."

She swallows, eyes landing on her bright pink backpack hanging on her chair, the one she will be taking to Kindergarten the next day. She turns back to her brother who's sitting next to her bed and reassuring her.

"I felt really alone too," Mike admits. "But then I saw Will and I asked him to be my friend. It was the best thing I ever did and I know anyone you ask will say yes too."

"You think so?" Holly asks, tightening her grip on her blanket.

"Of course! Anyone would be lucky to be friends with you!"

She smiles before yawning, sliding deeper into her blankets. "Can you tell me a story? One about princesses and dragons?"

"Sure," he says. "Once upon a time, in a world of magic and wizards and beautiful princesses with golden hair and pretty pink gowns, there lived a girl..."

She's asleep before he even says the princess' name. 

The next day, Holly gathers the confidence Mike had given her and tucks her fear away temporarily. She slides up to a pair of girls, one with pretty dark hair pulled into two long braids and another with bright curly red hair tied with a bow. Both of them are laughing and coloring on a large piece of paper set over the table as she sits down to join them.

At first, Holly says nothing, just silently takes a crayon and starts adding to their doodles.

"Woah, that's cool! Is that a dragon?" the red-haired girl asks with a bright smile.

Holly looks up at her and nods.

"Can I draw him a knight?" the girl asks while the second observes them both.

"Sure," Holly says, smiling.

"Wait! The knight needs a princess!" the second girl adds, taking a purple crayon and starting her own sketch.

Together they work on their art piece, throwing ideas about their magical world and creating their own characters. The teacher even comes over and beams at how they worked together and tells them she'll hang it up in front of the class.

"I'm Lizzy," the redhead says when they're done. "That's what everyone calls me anyway."

"And I'm Anya!"

"My name's Holly. Do you both..." Just ask, her brother's voice repeats in her head. It was the best thing I'd ever done. "Want to be my friends?"

Lizzy squeals and grabs both of their hands. "Yes! Best friends!"

Her two new best friends love a lot of the same things she does, fantasy and dolls and playing dress up. They love to play with her and they do things they all want to do.

And Holly loves her family, she loves her siblings, but finally, she understands about having real friends to play with and why that makes it even more special. It's just another part of Holly's life that falls perfectly into place. Perfect home, perfect family, and now...

Perfect friends.

Holly hears all about growing up. Nancy is growing up with her boyfriends and starting to look at new schools and her job. Mike is growing up, nearing the end of middle school, and with his girlfriend.

And Holly hears that she is growing up too although she doesn't really see how. Sure she's a bit older, five years old, and she talks better and has started to read books and learn math, but she still loves toys, she still loves fantasy, and she still loves playing with her friends.

Apparently, those are things that change when you grow up. At least, that's what she's seen in her siblings.

Nancy's room, to Holly, has always been the same, pink and pretty and mature. Nancy had jewelry and makeup and no toys except for a stuffed animal she kept on her bed. Holly likes to imagine what it looked like before her sister grew up, what toys she played with and if she liked fantasy too. She's seen the picture of her in an elf costume so she likes to think maybe she did. Either way, she doesn't seem to anymore.

She'll play with Holly of course, but she never has friends over. Not anymore. Not since Barb. Holly loved Barb but as it has been explained to her many times, with sad looks and slow, gentle words and flowers and a pretty black dress, Barb is gone now.

Nancy doesn't bring anyone else over except her current boyfriend Jonathan who also happens to be Will's brother.

Holly couldn't care less about boys now. All they do is roughhouse and get all grimy and scream too loud for attention. She knows one day this will change, maybe in her next school or even the one after that. One day she'll have a room like Nancy and one stuffed animal and a boyfriend. But she hopes she will still have her friends.

That is something she never ever ever wants to change.

She sees change in Mike too, even more than Nancy. Nancy was older, changed even before Holly was born. But Holly had grown up watching Mike still as a kid before he changed in front of her.

After he gets a girlfriend whom she isn't allowed to meet, he stops playing his fantasy game. He is forced to give away some of his toys and stops playing with others. His room changes too, more posters get put up. But mostly, Holly notices that his friends are never around.

She doesn't see them anymore. She barely even sees Mike, always at his girlfriend's house.

Even his best friend, Will, she hasn't seen in at least a month. And it's almost summer, the time when friends are supposed to get together the most and she just... doesn't see any of them anymore.

It scares her, to see someone like her brother change so drastically, so quickly. It makes her hold her dollies tighter and her princess gowns and her stuffed animals. She doesn't want to change. She's perfectly happy as she is.

"Mike! Mike!" she jumps up from the spot on her couch where she was flipping through a Winnie the Pooh picture book when she sees her brother pass. "Do you want to play with me?"

He grabs a sweater he left on the radiator and his shoes. "Not now, Holls, I'm going to see El."

Holly frowns. "Later?"

"Sure, later." He barely glances at her, darting out the door with a neutral expression on his face and closing it so quickly, a breeze hits Holly's face.

Later comes and goes, but Mike does not. Not until Holly is in bed does she hear him slip into his room. She makes no noise as she listens, watching the shadows dance along the crack in her door as she keeps her facade of sleep. Tomorrow she knows she will try again and again he will disappoint. Maybe she will try Nancy who will have work or a date with Jonathan. Maybe she'll beg her mom to take her to the pool to quell her loneliness in her own home. Maybe she can hang out with her own friends who still like the things she likes.

She knows her siblings are growing up now, becoming more and more like the adults. Still, it doesn't mean she has to like this feeling, the feeling of being left behind, still treated like a baby and yet not quite as coddled as she used to be. In a way, she's growing up quickly too, in the way she is treated, how people act around her. The older she gets, the more she seems to be ignored.

But that's just how the world works. You grow up and out of your family eventually. It's normal. It's meant to be. What teenage boy still hangs out with his six-year-old sister? What almost adult girl has time to do the same?

Still, she can't pretend like it doesn't sting sometimes, watching them drift away.

Change is good. Change is normal. But everyone who ever told her change felt natural, was a stupid-faced liar.

A month later is the first time Will's been over in a while. He smiles warmly at their mom and says hi to Holly and looks around as if everything is new and not the same as when he was last there.

But Holly understands. She thinks she understands Will because while the world around them seems to be changing, he seems to enjoy staying the same just like her. He doesn't abandon his love for art, he doesn't seem to abandon his friends, and he doesn't abandon his passion for playing games.

She's going to miss Will a lot when he moves to California. That's why he's here now with Mike, because Mike wants to spend as much time with him as possible before he goes. And his girlfriend is leaving with them, but she's still not allowed to come over.

"Will!" she squeals before running over and hugging him.

"Hey, Holly!" he says, ruffling her hair and then brushing his fingers completely through to smooth it back out again. "How's your summer been?"

"Hot," she answers. "You haven't been here in so long."

Mike looks uncomfortably between the two, a hand swung over his chest. "He's been busy."

Will's smile drops subtly and he swallows as if the awkwardness hanging off Mike is wrapping its tendrils towards him. "Uh, yeah, with packing and stuff. It's been... It's been a lot." He smiles at Holly again. "But I'm glad to be back now. What are you working on?"

She looks down at the page she's been coloring, the blues and pinks going slightly outside the lines much to her frustration. It's a picture of a dog in a coloring book she got for her birthday. "Just coloring."

"It looks really good. I love the colors you chose!"

She blushes, her heart pittering and pattering as her gaze sways from the page to Will. Then it falls to Mike who is standing in the back and glaring at her.

He grabs Will's wrist and pulls him away much to Holly's disappointment. "Come on. Let's go downstairs."

Will turns to follow but not without saying goodbye. "See you, Holly!"

The two best friends head down to the basement to hang out and Holly fights the urge to join them. She knows in her heart she will be unwanted and instead goes to watch TV with her dad in the living room. She sits right below the AC on the couch and enjoys the way her hair tickles her face as the breeze hits her and cools her off from the summer heat.

Her dad is asleep soon after, the lull of the TV pulling him under. It is an extremely boring program and not a cartoon like Holy would have liked and when she feels her own eyes start to get heavy, she decides to head back to her coloring book at the table. Instead of continuing, she finds a new sheet, one with a large tiger on it and starts to color.

Will has to leave before dinnertime. Holly gives him the tiger drawing, remembering that he likes them, and he tells her how much he loves it. After a lengthy goodbye between him and Will, the Wheelers eat their first full dinner together in at least four days. 

Mike leaves the table first and Holly is quick to follow, stuffing the vegetables she had been pushing around her place so she can be excused and run to catch up to him. 

"Mike! Do you want to play a game?"

He turns to her, halfway up the stairs. "I'm tired Holly."

"We never even see each other anymore!" Holly says, stomping up to the stairwell. She can't take this anymore, can't be brushed off again. She's lonely and she's bored and she just wants her brother to care.

"That's not true," Mike argues. "We just ate dinner together."

"That doesn't count! Why don't you play with me anymore?" Holly asks, begging for an answer. 

"I'm busy," Mike defends. 

"It's the summer."

"With other things. With my girlfriend," he rolls his eyes at her. "Can I just go upstairs now?"

"No!" Holly yells. "Tell me why you don't like me anymore! I want to know!"

"You want to know?" His chest puffs up and his eyes narrow and oh no she's really in for it now. "You want to know why I don't play with you anymore?" he spits. "It's because you're an annoying kid! And I'm too old for play pretend or dress up or games! I've got my own shit to deal with."

Holly stood stunned. 

"What is going on here?!"

As soon as her mom enters the room, Holly bursts into tears. "Mike... He- he said I was an annoying kid!" 

"Michael!" her mom scolds but he's already stomping his way upstairs. "Michael! Do you hear me? Michael Wheeler!" She follows him upstairs while Holly stays behind listening to a door slam so loudly she feels it shake the house. 

Holly doesn't know what sort of punishment he gets. She doesn't care. As far as she's concerned, she never wants to see her stupid brother again. It's lucky her wish is granted, as if it had ever really been denied. He goes back to ignoring her and hanging out with Will or his friends or El. 

And she doesn't care anymore. She doesn't want to hang out with someone who's too cool for games anyway. 

Will moves three weeks later. She doesn't get to see him off, but when Mike comes back, he's as grumpy and despondent as ever. 

It gets worse after that. Holly of course still barely sees her brother, but now it's not because he's always out but because he's always in, locked away in his room or the basement doing who knows what. 

Meanwhile, Nancy is applying for colleges, ones that are so far away they'll need a plane to fly her. She's busy all the time with school work and when she's not, she's on the phone with her boyfriend, Jonathan. 

So yeah. She doesn't see her siblings much these days. But it's fine. It's whatever. She doesn't really care. She understands they've outgrown her and that's a very normal thing for two teenagers to do. She has her own friends who love to come over and she goes to their houses too. It's perfect. 

One day in early October, Holly hears her brother on the phone. It must be one of the rare times he's not hiding away and she takes it as an opportunity to go say hi. Sure she said she never wanted to see him again, but it's something little sisters are allowed to say and not mean. And she's getting sick of only seeing him at every other dinner their family has where he gives a three-word response to how his day was and then leaves. 

She goes up to him, but he doesn't see her, leaning against the wall and twisting the wire in his fingers as he talks in a light, happy voice, smiling brightly at the wall. 

"Yeah, I'm really glad," he says to whoever's on the other side of school. "And the house is great?"

There's a mumbling from the end but Holly can't hear it. 

"Cool," Mike says. "Hey, I've got a lot of homework so we might have to wrap it up, but, uh, it was nice to talk to you." He switches the phone to his other hand, laying back against the wall. "Yeah, I miss you too." His smile wavers. "It's- Things are really weird without you." Another mumble. "I know, I know. I'm trying but my mom wants me here for Thanksgiving.... Yeah, I will. Bye." 

He swallows, face already dropping its brightness as soon as the call ends and he goes to place the phone back on the wall. 

"Was that your girlfriend?"

Mike jumps in the air, hand placed against his chest. "Jesus, Holly! Don't do that!" 

She blinks at him and then grins. "You really really love her!" 

Her brother turns very red very fast and she holds back a laugh. "What- I... I mean of course. Of course, I do. Shut up, you're like a toddler."

"I'm six! And you're blushing!"

"Whatever," he scoffs. "I wasn't even talking to her. I was talking to Will, duh." 

"Oh," she says. "Does he like his new home?"

He nods. "Yeah, he says it's nice and that school's going really well too. He's taking a painting class." 

"That's cool!"

"Yeah..." he turns to her. "Hey, want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah! Only if I get to pick!" she squeals.

As they sit down to watch Cinderella for maybe the tenth time, Holly feels good. It may not be playing or even talking, but she's here with her brother and she saw him smile today and they're watching her favorite movie. And maybe it's not perfect, maybe it's far from it, but still it feels okay. Still it feels good enough. 

Holly wouldn't say things fully change after that, but they get better. She and Mike will watch movies together sometimes and if Nancy sees, she'll sit down and join. It's nice. Beyond that, Mike is sometimes forced to babysit Holly. It doesn't happen often, but if her dad's at work and her mom's getting her hair done or going out with friends, Mike usually ends up in charge. 

Today is one of those days and Holly is watching a cartoon while her brother sits cross-legged on the couch reading a book. 

During a commercial break, he gets up. "I'll be right back, I forgot to grab the mail." 

When he returns, he's throwing some white envelopes and papers on the coffee table and ripping open a bright pink one. One that must be from his girlfriend. He plops back on the couch as he unfolds the letter and reads it silently. 

She notes his face as he reads, the way his eyebrows twitch, coming together, the way his mouth doesn't seem to know what shape to take. He puts the letter down, just lays it in his lap and sighs. It's not the reaction Holly would expect from someone reading a letter from the love of their life. 

She doesn't think Prince Charming would ever react like that to Cinderella. 

"What's wrong?" she asks. 

He looks up at her in surprise and then plasters a forced smile on his face. "Nothing."

Holly crawls over to him. "Is it your girlfriend? Did she break up with you?"

"What? No, no, it's not like that. It's seriously fine," Mike assures but she knows her brother even now, even after the distance. She knows he's still sad and even sadder right now. 

"Mike..."

"It's just..." he relents. "I think- I think Will is moving on. I think he's making new friends. Better friends."

"The letter's from Will?"

"No, it's from Jane. But she keeps saying all these things about how happy she and Will are, how great California and school are and how they're making so many great friends and I- I don't know. It's stupid."

Holly frowns. She thinks of how Nancy and Mike stopped hanging out with her in favor of their cooler friends. She remembers how she felt, the jealousy, the loneliness. She thinks she understands his sadness. "It's not."

"I miss them," he says softly. "I miss Will."

"I miss you," she answers back.

"Oh," the crease in his brows deepens. "I'm sorry." 

"I know this is normal," Holly says because she has to acknowledge it, acknowledge the fact that she's still a dumb kid wanting things she shouldn't. "But I don't like it." 

"I don't like it either," Mike admits, looking back down at the letter. "But people just... they grow apart." 

They grow apart. That's the big truth, isn't it? The thing everyone is too scared to say out loud. You grow up, things change, small cracks create impassable crevasses. Holly still has thirteen years of being a kid left, Mike barely has four. Nancy's not even a kid anymore. 

People grow apart and maybe they never grow back together. It's something Holly's just going to have to live with.

She turns back to the TV and ignores the way her brother crumples the letter and tosses it to the side. 

Chapter Text

April 1986

Something is happening in Hawkins. Something Holly is apparently too young to understand, but honestly, it seems like the adults don't understand it either. At first, she mistakes it for something good. It looks like it's snowing in Spring. And maybe she was just waiting for something good, a good change, something different. But everyone around her seems to sport frowns and creases in their brows and there are whispers they hide from her and things on the news. Whatever is different now, it's definitely something bad.

Everything seems to change when her brother comes back from California and everything is confusing and he feels different. But Holly chooses to ignore it in favor of more interesting things like her toys and how pretty the sky looks and she lets the adults take care of it. At least her brother is back. 

They've kept her safe her whole life, she's had very few things to actually worry about. That's not about to change.

She barely sees Nancy or Mike anymore. They're always gone, maybe together, maybe not, no one tells her. They come home late most nights looking hopeless and exhausted and they ignore her as they retreat to their rooms. Family dinners dwindle, her mom spends most of her days on the phone, her voice rising and falling with fear and desperation and her dad spends most of his days in front of the TV in distraction.

Still no one tells her what's going on.

Holly lays in her bed and watches her ceiling fan go round and round, pushing the warm spring air around her room. The repetition and the breeze are usually enough to lull her to sleep, but tonight they are not, tonight she is too distracted. She's only six but she still hears enough to be scared. She spends her days hearing about death on the TV and hearing fear in the voices of people much older than her, people who are supposed to ensure she is safe. 

Adults aren't supposed to be scared, her older siblings aren't supposed to be scared. But when she looks at the fatigue written all over Nancy and Mike's face, she can't help but feel a little scared too. 

Lightning flashes outside, sharp and bright and Holly waits, counting the time before the thunder inevitably comes. When it does, she shivers and holds tighter to her stuffed bunny. Stairs creak, the fan buzzes, and her mind reels.

She wants to know. To help. To understand. She wants things to just be normal again.

Eventually, Holly decides to get up, tugging her plush along as she slips out of bed and to her parents' bed room. She rubs her eyes as she whispers into the night. "Mom?"

"Holly?"

She turns to see her mom already walking to her room, a glass in her hand. Her eyes are red and tears are resting still on her cheeks. Holly has never seen her mother cry before. It scares her knowing something could reduce her mom to tears. 

"Hey, sweetie. Why are you up?"

Holly blinks at her, playing with the fabric of her beloved bunny, a motion that has always calmed her down. "I couldn't sleep. Can I get milk?"

Her mom smiles at her. "Of course." Down the stairs they go before her mom picks her up and sets her sitting on the counter as she warms up a glass of milk in the microwave.

"Mom?" Holly asks, legs swinging slightly before her as the microwave buzzes. "What's going on?" Why were you crying? She wants to ask.

Beep. The warm glass is placed gently in Holly's hands.

"It's... It's adult stuff, okay, honey? Nothing you have to worry about," her mom soothes, waving a hand over the milk to cool it down. "We'll take care of it."

"But Mike and Nancy know," Holly says. "Why can't I know?"

Her mom sighs before leaning on the counter next to her daughter. "They're older. When you're older, I'll tell you."

"When I'm... seven?" Holly asks before taking a sip. Seven is a pretty big number and it will make her a pretty big kid (not to mention her birthday is only a couple months away).

Her mom laughs softly. "Maybe a little older than that."

"Oh." For a moment, Holly watches the ripples in her milk before taking another sip. It becomes a cycle of silence then a small sip then she swallows the milk and lets the night fall into silence once more. Her mom says nothing else, just silently watching with sad and tired eyes until Holly finishes the drink.

When Holly looks back at the cup, there's only the remnants of milk left, the shine of white liquid as proof it was there but not even a drop remains. She holds the cup back out to her mom who goes to wash it in the sink.

"You'll keep me safe?" Holly asks quietly as lightning strikes again outside.

Her mom turns back to her, picking her up and holding her in her arms. "Of course, I love you. So, so much." She kisses her cheek.

Holly leans back against her mother's embrace, the warmth of the milk already pulling her down, down, down. "And Mike and Nancy too?"

"Mike and Nancy too. Of course, you're my children."

Holly smiles at that and closes her eyes, comfort and warmth and everything else finally chasing away the fear. This is why she doesn't have to be afraid. Because she has the most perfect parents in the world. The most perfect mom in the world.

She barely hears the thunder rumble as she loses herself to unconsciousness. And by the time they make it to her room, Holly is completely asleep.

May 1986

After a couple of months of chaos in Hawkins Holly still doesn’t understand, months of whispers and adult conversations and lots of boxes, Holly begins to understand the gravity of the situation. Not the danger, but what it means for her family. It’s the first time she’s ever heard a fight so bad among her family members, the first time they’ve seemed so divided.

“That’s bullshit! We can’t leave now! That’s so selfish, we need to stay and help!” Mike's voice calls as Holly sneaks to the edge of the kitchen then, hands reaching for the side of the doorway as she peers into the scene.

“Everyone else is leaving, who is there to help?” His dad asks.

Mike just seethes. “All my friends are here! We are staying.”

“Michael, we’re doing what’s best for the family,” their mom starts, her voice is soft yet rough and her cheeks are shiny with tears. Mike doesn’t look much better but their dad just looks angry.

“For the family? This is our home! We need to stay and protect it not just leave with things get hard!”

“Hard, Michael?” Their dad asks sarcastically. “Things aren’t just hard, they’re dangerous. People are dying, more and more land is cracking, the weather is out of control. You want to talk about selfishness? Do you want to keep Holly here? She’s six!”

This seems to make Mike pause, his chest still rising and falling in heavy motions. “I- I can’t leave…” he says. “I can’t. I won’t.”

“Honey, we’re not leaving without you,” his mom said.

“Then you have to choose,” Mike mutters back, wiping a tear from under his eye. “Protect yourselves and leave or- or stay with me and keep the family together, keep us home.”

There’s a broken look on her mother's face as she shakes her head, more tears streaming down her face. Holly wonders what things would be like if Nancy was here, she wonders if Nancy knows this is going on at all.

Leave? Holly doesn’t want to leave. She wants to stay in Hawkins, with Mike, together.

Her dad walks up to Mike, chest raised and looking as threatening as possible. “Then, son, I guess we’re leaving you here.”

“Ted, no-“

“You heard him, Karen. If he wants to stay. There’s nothing we can do.” It’s the same kind of attitude he’s always had, now joined together with a new sense of anger Holly’s never seen. “If he wants to stay in this hell hole then I say we let him.”

“No!” Holly screams as she runs into the kitchen, heading straight for Mike and latching onto his legs. “I don’t want to leave! I want to stay! Please, stay!”

“Karen,” Ted starts but their mom is already reaching to grab her before he even has to finish.

“NO!” Holly wails as her mom pulls her away from Mike, her fingernails clutching to his skin and she is pulled away like a barnacleoff a boat. “No no no! No! I want to stay! Stay! I don’t want to go!”

Her mom holds her right to her chest, walking them out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Holly continues to scream as he mother tries to calm her down. “Shhh, shhh, Holly, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright. We’re going to figure it all out.”

Holly wants to believe her. She wants to believe everything will be fine, that life can turn around and her family can still be how it once was, perfect. She doesn’t like seeing the cracks, she doesn’t like that she’s getting older and just barely starting to understand things.

Her mom tucks her into bed and kisses her on the cheek.

A few days later, Holly and her parents leave Hawkins to stay with her Nana in Illinois. Mike and Nancy are left to stay in a dangerous Hawkins. Where they are staying, she's not really sure. She can only hope they aren't lonely. 

Holly has enough faith to believe that they are still figuring it out, that that wasn’t the solution but a temporary fix, that things will get better once she’s home and that her family can be what she’s always thought it was.

The house is big and there’s a pretty garden she loves and her nana loves to spoil her, but she still misses home. She misses Nancy. She misses Mike. The spaciousness of the place makes Holly feel even more lonely, even more isolated. She can go all the way down the stairs through to the kitchen then back up again and still somehow see no one. The floorboards are creaky and the rooms echo. She misses home. 

Holly is able to talk to Mike twice on the phone while staying in Illinois. 

As far as she’s heard, they are staying with the Byers in some sort of cabin situation. Mike doesn’t really call, but her mom calls him a lot. Nancy has called once or twice to update them on their well-being. It’s nice to know they’re not dead.

“Hey, Holly,” he says. Fatigue leaks through his illusion of enthusiasm. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” she says, standing up and down on her tippy toes in excitement. “Nana’s making cookies!”

“Oh, is that so? What kind?”

“Chocolate chip!”

“Yum,” he says and still that tiredness is there, like there’s something not quite right, like behind the mask he is showing talking to Holly, he is sad. “That sounds really good.”

“You could try them if you were here,” Holly offers because she’s the youngest sibling and has a right to be a brat. “But since you and Nancy aren’t, I get them all to myself!”

He laughs. Fake. Even on call, she’d always know her brother's real laugh against his fake one. “Well, maybe you can save me one.”

They both know that any cookie saved now will be a pile of dust and mold by the time Mike comes back.

“How is Hawkins?” Holly asks instead. “How is staying with Will and Jonathan?”

“Good,” he says, a bit wistfully. “Yeah, good.”

She can’t let this go on any longer, let her brother pretend. “Why are you sad?” She asks sharply.

There’s an intake of breath from the other side then like he is releasing everything in one breath. "What?”

“You sound sad. What’s wrong?”

“Oh,” Mike says softly before letting a pause take up the space between them. Then… “I guess things aren’t going as I hoped right now,” he admits. “In any aspect of my life.”

“Like what?” She asks.

There's a hesitation on his side, a moment and a sigh. "I'm worried about Will. Like, really worried about him."

"Why?" she asks. She's heard nothing for weeks, knows nothing about what's happening in Hawkins and now all she gets is that there's something wrong with Will?

"He's acting... weird. I just- It's things I can't really talk about," Mike admits.

"Adult things?" she asks with a sigh. Of course it was. It always was. "I'm almost seven, I can handle it."

"No, it's not that," Mike says. "It's not like I would tell mom or dad either. It's- I just can't tell you, okay? It's better if you don't know."

"Oh," is all she comments back.

"But how are you?" he asks to change the subject. "How's Nana and Illinois and mom and dad?"

"Good," she says. "We miss you."

He breathes out from the other side. "I miss you guys. And Nancy too. But hopefully, this will all be over soon and it will be safe enough for us to stay in Hawkins." He sounds a little bitter as he says it but Holly has no idea why.

Instead, she nods even though he doesn't see it. "Yeah. Hawkins. I want us all to be together again."

"Right," Mike says. "Together."

The air has somehow shifted and an awkward silence takes the place. Together. As if Holly isn't still in Elementary school and as if Nancy isn't supposed to be at Emerson right now. As if Mike isn't far behind her. As if the last time they all were together, there wasn't a big fight. As if Mike and Nancy aren't in some sort of danger she doesn't know about and as if there isn't a weird tension that's been plaguing her parents ever since they got to Nana's.

"I have to go. I'll- I'll call you later, 'Kay Holls?"

"Okay," she says. "See you soon?"

"See you soon. Say hi to mom and dad."

The call ends and Holly is reminded of where she is. She's not at her house surrounded by her toys and chatting with her brother. No, she's in Nana's living room that smells too strongly of old lady lavender, shrouded in darkness where the sun had been setting in the window. It's nothing like home and she doesn't know where her family is right now. She just wants to go home. She wants her home.

Mike calls her one more time for her birthday.

The affair is quick, some balloons go up and streamers to, but the guest list is the same as any other day: mom, dad, and Nana. Desperate to make things seem semi-normal, her mom bakes her a pretty cake and they sing happy birthday. But it's too obviously not normal. Holly misses her friends, unsure where they are since evacuating Hawkins. 

Seven feels like a big number. She feels like she could really be considered a big kid now. Yet she still feels the same, knows that she'll be treated the same and left in the dark like always. Mike calls her to say happy birthday, Nancy jumps on the call, and then they both apologize and say they have to go. 

Mike doesn't call her again and she never gets around to calling him. 

Holly has a terrible habit of sneaking her way into rooms with dangerous conversations.

"It was horrible, Ted! He was th- there and there was blood and-"

"Jesus, Karen, you're being ridiculous! It was just a nightmare, calm down."

Holly peers through the darkened room, listening close to the whispered argument in the night. The clock says it's around one at night, a time when no one should be awake and yet here they all are.

Her mother is crying and breathing heavily as her arms flail in explanation. "You didn't- you didn't see it. Nancy- she- she... And Mike..." She bursts into another bout of sobs and buries her head in her hands. "D-dead... They were dead..."

Her dad creeps nearer to her, reaching for her arms in limited comfort. "Karen, it wasn't real. Those two chose to stay there and we chose to stay here."

"What if- what if we made a mistake?" her mom questions, reaching for her husband. "We should be with them."

"Nancy's an adult. Mike is fifteen. They can handle themselves. What about Holly? You want to leave Holly?"

"She can stay here," her mom cries. "With my mom and I can go back. I need... I need my children, Ted." She shakes her head and wipes her tears. "I need to know they're safe." She tries to invite herself into her father's arms, but he seems to resist, holding tight to her but not quite letting her in. "Ted..."

"Go back to bed, Karen."

Her mom doesn't leave Illinois. None of them do, not for months. If she has more nightmares, Holly doesn't know. Her parents don't fight, but they don't stay the same either.

But Holly isn't supposed to be paying attention to those things, she's supposed to be playing with her lite brite and her dolls and her blocks and pretending like everything is normal. A three-person family is still a family, and right now, her family is all that matters.

Her mom pretends. Her dad pretends. And it lets Holly pretend too.

September 1987

A year passes like it's nothing. Holly goes to school like everything is normal and when the kids ask why she moved so randomly, she doesn't quite know what to say. Her best friends from Hawkins are somewhere else too, in a different town and they may be moving permanently. News from Hawkins dwindles and people start to forget.

Holly never does.

She starts to acclimate to her new life only because of her mother. She picks up on her deep wrinkles of worry, the fatigue in her eyes, the frizz in her hair and Holly knows she can't add to it. So she keeps pretending like she's used to this new life for her mother's sake. Eventually, things will really go back to normal and that faith is everything Holly has.

And then, things really do go back.

All it takes is a call and her mom is rushing them out of the house, no time to pack, no time to think, she and her dad are ushered into the car and taken back to Hawkins. The first thing Holly notices is the sky, clear and blue no sign of smoke or ash or lightning like before. Even so, Hawkins looks like a mess.

No birds sing, no squirrels are out, many of the trees look like they are rotting or are just plain knocked down. Houses are empty, streets are ripped to shreds, streetlights are all broken.

Holly stares out the window while they stay in silence, wishing she could just turn on some music to save the mood. Maple street comes into view, just as much of a mess as every other road. The Sinclair's house stands next to the Wheeler's and for the most part, they look alright. But then they pass the house and keep going.

"Karen, that's the woods," her dad calls when Holly's mom heads straight for a forest area where there's a thin path of dirt. "Karen!"

She breaks through the trees, determination set in her face and grip tightening on the wheel. They drive for another minute before a cabin comes into view and she breaks abruptly, causing Holly to jerk forward slightly.

But her mom doesn't seem to notice as she turns the car off and flies out, slamming the door behind her. "Mike! Nancy!"

Holly squirms in her seat, desperate to get her seat-belt off and jump out of the car. As she struggles, she watches the door of the cabin open and sees him, hair longer than she's ever seen it and a mixed expression on his face.

She gets out of the car finally and rushes over just as her mom takes Mike into her arms in a crushing hug. Holly runs up as the cabin door swings open again, revealing a second person.

Holly's breath catches as she sees Nancy, tall, older, and beautiful even with a small scratch across her cheek. "Nancy!" She flies to her sister right as she leans down, catching her in a hug.

"Hi Holly."

"I missed you! I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too."

Holly leans away and looks up at her sister, seeking the comfort she desperately missed and trying to memorize her older face. "Are we safe now? Is everything alright?"

Nancy closes her eyes as her lips twisted into a relieved smile. She brings Holly back into a hug. "We're alright. Everything's alright."

She lets go and goes to hug their mom, leaving Mike free as he turns to Holly. His arm is in a cast and his right eye is black, but his expression is filled with nothing but pure joy. Holly rushes to hug him and everything about it makes all the bad go away.

She doesn't have to be afraid anymore. And she isn't.

Their dad comes out of the car last and he walks over to them with only neutral expression planted on his face. Mike lets go of Holly to turn to him, biting his lip as if unsure what to do and Holly watches as fear creeps through her again.

This is it. This is the moment they can be okay again, a family again, together. They can forget all about the last year and a half, about fighting and disagreements and the fact that they've been apart so long. They're family, blood, bonded for life, they've been perfect for so long.

And then a movement is made and Mike hugs his dad. Holly smiles as if this was the answer to everything, as if this is the sign from the universe that everything is well.

The door behind them opens again and Will walks out just as Mike and their dad break the slightly awkward but mostly normal hug. He smiles and waves at Holly before stepping back and watching the family reunion.

As their mom and dad catch up with Nancy about going back to their house, Holly watches as Mike steps closer to Will, wide smile as he nudges his shoulder.

"Guess this is it, huh," he says.

"Yeah, I guess I'll miss you," Will snarks. "Not so much you taking all the blankets though!"

"Hey!" Mike laughs.

"But seriously," Will says and his smile drops just so. "I'm going to miss not having you around all the time. I kinda got used to it."

Mike's expression doesn't change as he keeps his joyous aura. "Well, stay used to it because you're still going to have me around all the time! Don't think you're getting rid of me that easy."

This seems to ease the smile back on Will's face and he opens his mouth before seeing Holly watching them. She looks away quickly but Will closes his mouth as his lips twitch into neutrality.

Holly pretends not to still be watching as Will leans forward, whispering something in Mike's ear that makes his smile somehow widen and his cheeks turn just the slightest bit pink. He laughs and nods before pulling Will into a hug.

"Mike! Holly! Come on!"

Holly turns to her mom who's already getting back into the car with Nancy and their dad. 

"Coming!" she calls with one last glance at Mike and Will who break apart with wide smiles. "Mike, come on."

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Jeez!" he stumbles a little as he starts following her to the car and it's like a magnet keeps pulling his eyes back to Will as he keeps turning to see if he is still there then back to the car then back to Will again. 

Holly honestly doesn't know what's going on with him or with him and Will for that matter, but at least she knows one thing. Will isn't in danger anymore and Mike doesn't seem to be sad. 

For the first time in a year, Holly feels an intense sort of hope. Finally, her family is all together. Finally, they're going home. Finally, things will be just as perfect as they once were. And sure Hawkins completely crumbling and leaving cracks in both the town and her family dynamic could possibly change things, but for now, Holly just wants to bask in a moment of togetherness where she can finally breathe and be a kid. 

For the first time in a year and a half, the five of them sit down at the Wheeler's dining room table, their mother cooks them a homemade meal, they chat and they eat and they laugh together like the old times. They ignore the mess of the place and the dust and they have a good time. 

They eat and Holly ignores the awkward glances between her mother and father. They eat and Holly ignores the slight sadness in Nancy's eyes. They eat and Holly latches onto Mike's new happiness and her own found peace. They eat and Holly ignores the imperfections.