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Chapter Text

Contrary to what everyone thought- and by everyone she meant the school nurse, the librarian, and Google- Tallulah wasn't stupid. 

She was eight. 

Which everyone seemed to believe translated to stupid. 

Everyone except her papa. 

But she couldn't go to her papa, now could she? For once she couldn’t knock on the door of her papa's study and ask for his help like she did with her fractions worksheets and science projects. 

If she could, she wouldn't be crouched in the very corner of the library with a thick, hardcover book, scanning words she couldn't pronounce and then turning to the dictionary propped up by her backpack to flip through the pages in search of the word and what it meant. 

The librarian had said this book might be a little old for Tallulah, but she had insisted with a huff, causing the old woman to relent and let her read in the corner for the two hours it'd take for her Papa to pick her up. 

He was working a little later tonight- something he’d been doing more and more lately- so Tallulah went to the library and Chayanne went to play video games at Leonarda's house. Usually Tallulah tagged along with him and he showed her how to make Mario hop across pipes or Link slash down slimes, but Tallulah had made up some white lie about wanting to do some reading so she could earn stickers in class. 

“Are you sure?” Phil had asked over dinner the night before. “You were just pretty sick…maybe you should stay home from school all together for an extra day.”

No, I can go to school. 

“Hm, alright. Just ask the librarian to call me if you need me.”

So here she was, surrounded by books, crouched down on the musty vomit green carpet that had been there longer than she had even been alive, her eyes darting back and forth between the contents of the book, and the contents of the dictionary. 

Tallulah wrinkled her nose at what she was reading. 

Maybe she was wrong about this whole thing.

Her eye color hadn't changed. She had checked repeatedly in any surface she could for the past three days and they were still the same chocolate brown that Phil said she got from her other dad, who had dropped her off when she was still small on the doorstep of Philza and Missa Craft and left without a word. 

They didn't turn red, or blue, or pink, they were just plain brown, and Tallulah liked it that way.

And she didn’t turn pale- or translucent as the book said. She still had a tan that made her freckles look like stars. That's what her best friend Pomme always said anyway, as she connected the dots on her arms in pen like the constellations they learned about in class. 

Tallulah was starting to think this lady who wrote the book had no idea what she was talking about!

The thought occurred that she'd probably find better written books in her papa's study- and maybe ones with pictures too- but she shook her head of curls with a ‘harumph!’, and continued to slog through the words on the page. 

Although the more she read on, the more her wrinkled nose and pouting lips turned into widened eyes and a slack jaw. 

One could write it off as it being the middle of winter, but for the past week she'd been uncharacteristically cold, even though her fever had gone down three days ago. Before leaving the house for school that morning she had layered on a cardigan, her winter coat, two pairs of socks, her beanie, and two pairs of gloves, and despite toddling down the street to the bus stop like a marshmallow, she was still shivering in her froggy rain boots. 

The only time she hadn't been freezing cold all day was when she had been in gym class, where for the first time in, well, forever, she had outrun everyone in a lap around the gymnasium. Despite her falling to her knees and Pomme having to bring her inhaler from her cubby, she had still outran even Richarlyson, who was the fastest in their grade! Her teacher had been astounded, but still had Tallulah sit the rest of the period out, which was fine by her because just limping to the corner of the room made her see spots. 

And finally, her hearing, her eyesight, even her sense of smell seemed to have gone from zero to a hundred overnight, causing her to have to regularly pause whatever she was doing just to do the Deep breathing Apa Missa had taught her how to do. 

She could hear the teacher writing numbers onto the whiteboard in EXPO marker, erasers being ran back and forth against composition paper, a fidget cube being repeatedly clicked- and mixed with the lights that seemed three times brighter than before, she was close to spending the rest of her first school day back from a week of sickness locked in the bathroom. Pomme had wound up being asked to take her to the school nurse when she started to heave, but when Tallulah tried to explain what happened, she was told to just head back to class and ‘tough it out’.

So her appearance didn't change like the book said it would. 

That didn't mean that the rest of her didn't change. 

She closed the book, heaved it up into her arms, and practically ran over to the front desk. The librarian was on the phone chattering about something or other while occasionally stopping to sip her tea, so Tallulah waited patiently, standing on the tips of her toes for her to set the phone before waving her hand to get her attention. 

“Hm?” The lady turned to her, head tilted. “Can I help you?”

Tallulah put the book on the counter alongside her library card.

“Are you sure, dear? I don't want to discourage you, but this book is meant for much older kids.” 

Tallulah just nodded her head. 

“Oh, alright. Anything else?”

She held up her hand and was about to run back to her reading spot to grab the dictionary she had left, but she paused, and instead walked at practically a snail's pace. The librarian gave her a weird look, but Tallulah could practically see her thought process- she was just a little girl playing a game. 

Tallulah wished she was playing a game. 

She slowly picked up the heavy dictionary and carried it back to the librarian, picking up her pace just a smidgen so she would stop being looked at with creased brows, and placed it down on the countertop with a ‘thud.’

“I’m sorry, but this is a reference book. You can’t check those out.”

Tallulah frowned, but nodded. 

The librarian did check out the other book though, scanning the barcode on the back of the glossy cover and then scanning Tallulah’s library card. 

She still had a book on there, but it wasn’t due back for another week, so Tallulah wasn’t worried about returning it just yet. Being sick was apparently no excuse not to finish her book report as she learned when she got back to class, but the teacher was nice enough to give her an extension. 

Tallulah briefly wondered if she could do both at once- replacing the paperback copy of Annie for the glossy covered book she had plucked from a tall shelf- even though she was halfway through Annie already, but decided against it. 

She liked Annie much better anyway. 

“Here you go.” The librarian said. “Don’t forget to return your book next week, though I don’t think I have to remind you.” She smiled fondly at Tallulah. 

I promise I will! Thank you!

“Anytime, dear.”

She grabbed the dictionary from the counter along with her other book and library card, and scurried back to her cozy reading corner. 

The clock on the wall read 3:56 PM, which meant that it’d be four, and Phil would be on his way to pick her up. She stuffed her gloves and beanie back into her backpack, and started to shrug on her winter coat that before she had draped across her lap as a blanket. 

But Tallulah glanced back at the dictionary on the ground. 

If she got caught she’d just say she forgot. 

Tallulah's been to the library enough and returned her books on time that one little slip up surely wouldn’t get her in trouble, right? 

She looked over her shoulder despite the fact the librarian couldn’t see Tallulah past the towering bookshelves, and slowly- very slowly- unzipped her backpack to wiggle the dictionary inside.

It’s not like she didn’t know where the dictionary was at home. 

She did. 

It was just in her papa’s study. 

Which she couldn’t go in without asking. 

And even if she did ask, she’d need his help grabbing it off the very top shelf of his old mahogany bookshelf, since it was lined with all sorts of trinkets that Tallulah might break if she tried to reach, which was usually why she needed to ask or knock first. AND if she asked him for help grabbing the dictionary, he’d want to know why she needed it. 

Tallulah hated lying to her papa. 

She didn’t have any other choice. 

She’d bring the dictionary back tomorrow and shyly say she had forgotten it in her bag. Tallulah just needed it long enough to skim through the book and figure out what was wrong with her, even though she already had a pretty good idea. 

Her backpack was bulging with both books stuffed inside, and she heaved it over her shoulder after zipping her coat up to her neck. She had been shivering this whole time, but thankfully the librarian hadn’t noticed, because how on earth would Tallulah explain it when she barely had an explanation herself? All she had was a handful of theories, but as her godfather Tubbo would say, ‘a theory is worthless without evidence to back it up.’

It was like her science projects. 

But instead of ‘if I play my flute my flower will grow faster than Richas’’’, her theory was ‘if this book is right…’

Well. 

Tallulah wasn’t ready to think about that just yet. 

HONKHONKHONK. 

Her head perked up hearing the honking from outside, and a bright smile graced her face, knowing that three honks from the horn meant her papa had pulled up with Chayanne in tow, and since he had worked late, Tallulah also knew that meant it was pizza night. 

And after a whole week of Campbell’s chicken soup, crackers, flat ginger ale, and bananas mashed up onto whole wheat toast, Tallulah wanted nothing more than the gooey, cheesy, melt in your mouth pizza that came from the local parlor just two blocks down the street from their house. 

Bye Ms!

“Bye Tallulah, have a good night!”

Tallulah waved to the librarian until she was out the door, the snow crunching underneath her feet. She hopped once, twice over the cobblestone path, then carefully made her way down the steps, grabbing the iron railing and slowly inching herself down into the parking lot. 

The brown minivan was waiting for her with the windows rolled down and the stereo playing classic rock music, and she waved her arms at Chayanne hanging out the passenger seat window, who excitedly waved back at her. She saw Phil in the driver's seat, but he was talking into his phone, and by his creased brow and grip on the steering wheel, he didn’t like what he was hearing. 

Dad got pizza!

I can smell it!

And he got the cheesy garlic bread!

Tallulah’s smile ever so slightly faltered, but not enough for Chayanne to possibly notice. 

She pulled the car door with all her might- since usually it was so heavy she needed Phil’s help- but gasped when it was thrown open with ease, and she was sent flying into the snow, her backpack breaking her fall like a turtle being turned onto its shell.  

“Shit!” Phil exclaimed, quickly hanging up his call. “Tallulah!”

Chayanne practically jumped out of the van and pulled Tallulah back up onto her feet, brushing snow off of her coat and scanning over her with wide and worried eyes. 

Phil had followed suit- slamming the van door and circling around before kneeling to her level, the snow digging into his cargo pants. “Are you alright?” He asked worriedly, putting a hand on her cheek. “Nothing broken? Bruised? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

She shook her head, and Phil melted in relief. 

“Thank fucking god.” He sighed in relief. “Come on, let’s get going. Pizza’s getting cold.”

He stood back up to circle back around to the driver’s seat, but Chayanne hesitated, giving Tallulah another once over for any scratches or bruises. 

I’m okay, Chay.

Okay, if you say so.

She hated lying to her brother just as much as she hated lying to her papa. 

Chayanne climbed back into the passenger's seat and picked up Phil’s phone from the floor of the van, which got him a “Thanks mate” from Phil, and he scowled when his dirty blonde hair was ruffled. He tried to bat Phil’s hand away, but he just laughed, further fluffing up his hair that had already been a windswept mess from running down the street from Leonarda’s house when he saw the van turn the corner. Then he had to run back because he had forgotten his backpack and lunchbox. 

Tallulah stepped as carefully as she could into the backseat of the van, and shut the door with even more care, her little hands trembling not just from the cold, but from the lump in her throat the size of a tennis ball. 

There was now a dent on the van door. 

It was right next to the handle, and standing at a certain angle you couldn’t even see it. 

But Tallulah could tell it was there, even from inside the van. She couldn’t stop staring at the spot where she knew it was, even as Phil started to pull out of the parking lot, humming to whatever was playing next on the radio. 

The books in her bag suddenly felt much heavier than they had just moments before, weighing her down like an anchor as she slid it off her shoulders and dropped it to the ground so she could buckle up her seatbelt. 

If Phil asked, she’d say that dent was always there.

It’s not like he’d believe her if she claimed she had created it.

She could hardly believe it herself.

Chapter Text

Tallulah quickly stuffed the book under her pillow as she heard a knock on her door, and after she knocked back on the wall she tried to look as innocent as possible when the door opened with a ‘creaaaaak’.  

Phil popped his head in, and just from the way his smile didn't quite reach his eyes Tallulah could tell it had been another long day for him. He’d been having more of those lately- staying out later and either dropping the kids off with their Uncle Bad or letting them bounce around the neighborhood where he knew it was safe- and each time he came back home after those long days he looked a little more weary. 

“You alright there, queen?” He asked, his hair wet from the quick he had taken. “You hardly touched your dinner.”

She just gave a nod, her hands folded in her lap. 

A thin frown pressed against his lips as he stepped further into the room. He gestured to the bed, and sat down when she scooted over with a grunt, making the mattress dip under his weight. 

“Still feeling sick?” He asked, garnering another nod from her. “I’m sorry, I thought- I can make you some soup if you want, I don’t mind.”

I’m okay. I’m just not hungry.

“Are you sure?”

‘Mhm.’

“Okay, well, if you change your mind-  you know if you get hungry during the night you can just fucking have at it. Pizza, cereal, you can even pick at that char-coot-rey- I don’t know how to pronounce that- board thing Baghera brought over the other day. We’ve got so much salami, Tallulah, I don’t think I can eat it all by myself!”

Tallulah giggled, and then squealed when Phil reached over and pinched at her nose, pulling his hand away with a “Yoink!”, his thumb tucked between his index and middle figure. 

“You let your guard down!” He said in a sing-song voice. “And lookit what happened! Got your nose!”

No! I need that!

“Should’ve thought about that when you let me in without a password!”

Tallulah’s face scrunched up. Password?

“Yeah, I thought we went over the password. Shit- wait- was that you or Chayanne I went over it with?” Phil paused his teasing for just a moment, then shook his head back and forth. “Ah, forget it. It's getting late, we can talk about passwords tomorrow.”

He went to stand back up, but paused. 

“You know I love you, don’t you?”

She frowned. 

Of course. I love you too, papa.

His shoulders relaxed and he reached over to wrap his arm around her shoulder. 

“C’mere”- He muttered, even though she was already curled up to his side and clinging to his silk green night robe. “I’m sorry, Tallulah. I know work has been hectic lately but-” 

Phil cut himself off with a sigh. 

“I promise. You, me, Chayanne, this weekend. Anything the two of you want to do, we’ll do it.”

She looked up at Phil with wide eyes, making him chuckle. 

“That’s right, I said the ‘A’ word.”

What does Chay want to do?

“That’s funny, he said the same thing about you!”

Tallulah giggled again. 

“I mean it though, seriously.” Phil said, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “Anything and it's yours. Wanna go ham in the toy store? Fine by me. Ice skating? We can go to the lake or the rink, wherever you want. It might be too cold for fishing and horseback riding but-”

She cut him off by wrapping her little arms around his middle. 

He deflated with a sigh and pulled her into his arms, cradling her on his lap. 

“You’re a good kid.” He said, pressing a kiss to her head. “Don't go forgetting that.”

A pit formed in Tallulah’s stomach, and all she could do was nod. 

Phil scooped her up and pulled back the covers, setting her down onto the mattress. He tucked the duvet right up to her chin, and smiled when she started to laugh again, kicking her legs as he smoothed her hair back. Just to be safe he placed the back of his hand against her forehead, and sighed in relief when he felt cool skin instead of the burning hot fever that for the past week had nearly had him rushing Tallulah to the hospital. 

If Bad hadn’t been constantly over with some of his ‘home remedies’, bringing Dapper in tow so that he could keep Chayanne’s mind off worrying, then Phil might have honest to goodness lost it. 

“Sweet dreams, Llulah.” He said softly, pressing another kiss to her head. “I know it's pretty early, but I think you should rest up.”

He got no protest from her, just a nod as she burrowed deep into the blankets, trying not to let the corners of the book dig into her neck. 

“Good girl.” He tapped her nose again, then stood up and paused as he was about to turn off the light switch. “Night light or no nightlight?”

Tallulah wiggled her arms out of her blankets.

Nightlight please.

“Course.”

Phil leaned down to switch on the nightlight, and when he turned off the overhead lights, Tallulah instantly relaxed as a soft pink glow filled the room. The glow in the dark stars plastered around her room twinkled in the semi- darkness, and all she could make out was Phil standing in the doorway, the lights from the hallway surrounding him like a fuzzy, full body halo. 

“Good night, love. See you in the morning.”

Night papa.

Phil stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him, and instead of rolling over and attempting to fall asleep, Tallulah instantly sat up from bed and pulled the book from her pillow. 

She paused for a moment when she heard Phil’s voice through the thin walls of their two century old two story, but she sighed in relief when it was just Phil telling Chayanne it was time for bed as well. It was a school night, and the two of them would have to take the bus again with Etoiles and Pomme instead of Phil dropping them off. 

“Don’t give me that look, Chay. I promise, this weekend, I’m all yours.”

Pause. 

“I didn’t forget, you don’t have to worry. Next weekend, you, me, and a couple of nerf guns full of holy water.”

Chayanne snorted out a laugh.

“Okay maybe- scratch the nerf guns, but you know what I mean.”

Pause. 

“Tallulah’s still too young. She can spend the day with Tubbo and Sunny, he’s willing to keep an eye on her. But we can talk about that later. You, young man, off to bed with you. Did you brush your teeth? Come on, open up.”

Chayanne’s footsteps were suddenly heard racing down the hall. 

‘You little shit! Clean your teeth!”

A squeal of laughter rang through the house. 

“You get this from your uncle, I SWEAR-”

Phil’s footsteps were much heavier as he barrelled after Chayanne, and by the squeals that followed, he must have been successful in scooping him up and carrying him to the bathroom like luggage. 

“You’ve gotta brush your teeth, I don’t care how boring it is. You’re not getting a root canal, you’re ten.”

Tallulah could hear Chayanne’s giggles and squeals all the way to the bathroom, and it was only when she heard the door shut with a click that she let herself let out the breath she was holding, and flip back to the page she had to quickly dog ear. 

She pressed down on the corner, trying to smooth it back out, and winced when the pad of her thumb swiped against the edge of the paper. 

Normally the sight of blood made her woozy. 

It should make her woozy. 

Instead she watched the ruby droplets of blood pool against the thin line that ran across her skin with wide eyed awe. She wiggled her thumb and a single dot dripped onto the paper, the red seeping into the page among the words that Tallulah kept trying to pretend didn’t apply to her. 

She brought her thumb to her mouth to stop the bleeding. 

And tears welled in her eyes when her own blood tasted as sweet as a candied apple. 

Chapter Text

School had gotten out early for a teacher’s conference, and Tallulah had wanted to get home right away. There was a skip in her step as she played imaginary hopscotch along the sidewalk, the sound of the for once quiet street leaving her to only hum some theme tune she heard on the TV to herself. 

Tallulah let out puffs of air, pretending she was a dragon as she jumped over a deep crack in the sidewalk, landing on wobbly feet. 

She squealed and held out her arms so she wouldn’t completely fall onto her face, and luckily she was able to straighten herself out, the only indication there was any danger of falling being the way her chest heaved up and down for a split moment. 

It was a warm enough day that she had her puffy coat wrapped around her waist, the keychains of her backpack clacking against each other with every step she took. A puffball with googly eyes that she had gotten from tío T ubbo’s ex date-mate, a bear cub figurine that they had gotten from tío Tubbo’s CURRENT date mate, a butterfly pop-it from Pomme’s mama Baghera- or ‘Miss Pretty Duck’ as Tallulah liked to call her , and a Miffy plushie wearing a sunhat from Chayanne. She was very proud of all the decorations her backpack had, and planned to add more with her allowance. 

Her cardigan was buttoned up to her neck as the chill hit her, and she paused her rhyming and jumping game to shiver. She stopped halfway down the street and pulled off her backpack, letting it ‘thud’ onto the concrete sidewalk as she untied her coat. 

She was only a few more minutes away from their house, but she figured she’d swing by the playground first. That was where Chayanne and his friends usually played before going to either their house, Leo’s house, or Dapper’s house! 

They used to all go to Tilin’s house because her dad let them do whatever they wanted and say bad words, but Tilin and tío Quackity had moved away almost a year ago, the house still up for sale. 

Tallulah could actually see it from where she was standing. It was right across the street, and still had a bright red ‘FOR SALE’ sign hammered into the ground. 

She looked to her left.

She looked to her right. 

There was no one around, everyone either at work, or at school. 

So there would be no one around for her to get in trouble with if she decided to swing by- just for a minute! Just to see if there were any racoons inside! 

Tallulah swung her backpack back over her shoulder and raced across the street before any car could come. 

It felt like all the wind had been knocked out of her lungs just from that short sprint, and she gasped for breath once she hit the grass. This time she really did fall to her knees and gasped, the feeling of bile rising in her throat. 

She took deep, heaving breaths- in through her nose and out through her mouth- before she stood back up and tried to pretend it didn’t feel like she had just been running a marathon. 

Sweat beaded down her forehead and she took off her coat, and she folded it under her arms as she stepped onto the porch. 

She reached a shaky hand up to knock on the door, and gasped again when it swung open. 

Once again she looked around in case there was anyone to see her, and slowly set her bag and coat down onto the porch, right next to the rocking chair that Quackity couldn’t fit in the moving van so he decided to just ‘leave it for the next poor sucker who has to rent this shit hole- Tallulah please for the love of God don’t repeat that in front of your dad, he’ll skin me alive’.

Tallulah stepped into the empty foyer with a giggle, and it bounced around the walls. 

She coughed as the layer of dust that had accumulated over the year tickled her throat and nose, and she let out a sneeze that sent more dust flying, which just made her sneeze again. 

It felt wrong to be standing in the living room without any furniture. 

It felt wrong to be standing in here without Tilin and Quackity. 

They had left so suddenly. 

One moment Tilin was regularly coming over for dinner and Quackity was teaching Tallulah all the curse words her dads wouldn’t let her say, and the next Tilin was out of school once a month. 

Then altogether. 

And then they were gone. 

There were spots on the hardwood floor where the couch had been, and the TV stand, and the coffee table that was always overflowing with cheesy tabloid magazines that Phil wouldn’t let her read. Tilin was always bringing them to school though, rolled up in her Lightning McQueen backpack to share with Tallulah, Leo, and  Juanaflippa during recess around the swingset. 

Tallulah frowned as she turned the corner and looked up at the staircase that had led to Tilin’s room- the only bedroom in the house. Quackity slept on the couch. 

She pressed one foot onto the first step, and winced when a ‘creeeakk’ echoed and practically shook the walls. She pulled the sleeve of her yellow cardigan past her fingertips so she could grab the railing without getting a splinter, and continued her trek through the house that had once been a home. 

Each step just reminded her of the little things she missed about Tilin and her tío. 

The way they almost always had leftover takeout in the fridge, the fact Tilin was allowed to eat sweets for breakfast if she wanted, how Quackity would ruffle up her hair and tell her that ‘every day you look more and more like your father’. She didn’t think she looked like Phil or Missa, but she was glad someone thought so. 

Tallulah finally reached the top of the stairs, her sleeve covered in dust. She wiped it on her school skirt and stepped fully into the upper level, the floor illuminated by the sunlight pouring in through the windows. The dust danced in the beams of light, and Tallulah watched, utterly fascinated. 

CRASH.

Her head whipped around to the door to Tilin’s room that still had a big red ‘T’ painted on it, her heart nearly stopping in her chest. 

She mouthed Tilin’s name but of course no noise came out. 

Through the crack in the door she could see that the light was on inside the bedroom, despite the fact that the rest of the house didn’t have electricity. 

There was a turning in her gut as she reached for the copper doorknob. 

Did she really think it was Tilin in there?

She twisted the door open. 

And instantly shrieked as a bat flew right out at her. 

She scrambled to run back down the stairs like a Hanna Barbera cartoon, but unlike the cartoon, as she stumbled backwards she smacked her elbow against the railing and yelped, knowing she would bruise like a peach after. The bat continued to ‘screeee’ and flap around overhead. 

Tallulah propped herself up and continued to run through the empty house, but when she turned to as she was out the front door, she found the bat was still following her. 

She grabbed her coat, bunched it up, and threw it as hard as she could, hoping the bat would go away, but she swore to all she knew in her eight years that the thing screamed like…

Like a person. 

It soared right at her again and Tallulah ducked, falling backwards into the grass. 

She groaned as she was splayed on her back, and struggled to stand back up, huffing and puffing with every breath she took. She could just barely make out a black form flying overhead as her vision blurred, and when  she squinted, she saw it was heading right towards-

Tallulah hated going to the doctor and getting shots. She thought they hurt, no matter how much the nurses numbed the area, and no matter how many lollipops she was offered afterwards. 

But this?

This felt like two of the world's largest needles being jammed directly into her shoulder, through her cardigan, through her shirt without any regard. 

And she didn’t have the voice left to scream. 

It felt like the world had come to a complete halt, her legs kicking uselessly before going still, and her fingers twitching. 

For a moment…

For a moment she thought she was actually about to die. 

But just as her eyes were about to close after struggling to stay open, another blur flashed against her vision, and the bat that had been latched onto her shoulder was just…

Gone. 

Despite the pounding in her head and the sharp, sharp pain coming from her shoulder, she sat up and looked around frantically, looking to see if the bat was still around, just waiting to finish her off. 

Only to see a man grabbing the railing of the porch and gasping for dear life.

“Oh- oh my goodness..” He reached to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, but pulled it back and nearly choked when he saw the red. 

He slowly turned his head, and Tallulah was met with the palest face she had ever seen, a mouth with sharp canines agape in horror as the entire lower half of his face and his expensive looking suit was stained bright red like Kool-Aid, a black mustache that she had only seen in history textbooks and his red eyes widened as he stared down at her. 

“I-I’m- oh gods what have I done? I’m so sorry-” 

He took a step towards her. 

Tallulah didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence. She just grabbed her backpack, left her coat, and bolted. 

She had another one waiting for her at home. 

Chapter Text

Tallulah sat squished against the window seat next to Chayanne as the bus lurched up and down on the gravely, unpaved roads that led to the school. 

She hugged her backpack close to her chest with her knees pulled to her chest, her beanie pulled tight around her ears as she shivered in the February chill. Her hands were stuffed into the front pocket of her bag, squishing and squeezing at a heat pack Phil had popped in the microwave before he had to leave for work. 

“Are you two okay back there?” Etoiles turned his head at an awkward angle to look over his shoulder at Tallulah and Chayanne, who nodded. “Good. I don’t need either one of you getting carsick- hm?” He looked back at Pomme, who had tugged at his sleeve. “Yes manzanita?”

Pomme pointed to something out of the window, and Etoiles let out a barking laugh seeing Cellbit absolutely rushing to catch up with the bus, Richarylson tucked under his arm like a football. 

Etoiles couldn’t hear him through the bus, but it was obvious he was shouting for the bus driver to just stop and slow down. 

“Oh poor bro.” He shook his head with a laugh, pretending to wipe a tear from his eye. “Aye! Bus driver! Stop here, please?”

The bus came to a screeching halt, which caused Chayanne to hold his arm out in front of Tallulah, so she didn’t collide nose first with the seat in front of her. 

Her hat was knocked off of her head, but she grabbed it before it could hit the ground, wringing it in her hands as she leaned back into her seat. She turned to Chayanne and gave him a smile, which he gladly returned. 

Cellbit’s hair was a mess, and his glasses were dangling off of their golden chain as his chest heaved up and down with heavy breaths; but he managed to catch up with the bus before it pulled away, his shoulders sagging when he finally stopped running, skidding to a halt halfway down the sidewalk. 

He set Richas down and brushed off his gaudy yellow winter coat as the doors opened, and when the bus driver raised his brow at him, he fumbled around for his ticket, scowling as coins and wadded up receipts fell out of the pockets of his patch covered bomber jacket. 

“Caralho- stupid thing hides- give me a second, man, I know I have it.”

Just as the bus driver was about to continue- ticket or no ticket- Cellbit sighed in relief and handed him the pink slip of paper. 

“Here you go, sorry ‘bout that. Rough morning.”

It was accepted with a grunt, and Cellbit was about to just collapse into the nearest empty seat and sleep for the next fifteen minutes, but he couldn’t help the lazy, cat-like grin that spread across his face when he saw Etoiles waving him over. 

Richas was already sitting in the empty seat across from Pomme to make funny faces at her, his hair wind swept from the sprint he’d been carried on, and his shoes were unlaced, dangling against the ground as the heels of his cleats barely brushed against the floor of the bus. 

“I guess I have you to thank, you old- Richas, scoot over for your pa.”

Richas didn’t budge, so Cellbit pinched the bridge of his nose and relented to grabbing the bar above him, so he didn’t fall over as the bus started back up again. 

“OW!” He hissed as he lurched back, his hip hitting against the edge of the seat. “Someone needs to do something about these potholes.”

“Could not agree more, but it’s a backroad. They are not gonna do anything till they get sued.” Etoiles said. “And if you really want to thank me-”

“Should have known there was a catch.”

Etoiles rolled his eyes. “I just want a coffee.”

“Your maker still busted?”

“Bags is gonna try and get it fixed soon, but I don’t know, we might just have to get a new one. Which is shit, that was a gift! You don’t just throw away a gift!”

“Even if it’s a three-year-old piece of crap?”

“I should NOT have to replace my coffee maker after only three years. That should be a crime.”

Cellbit nodded along, then quickly turned his attention to the others. He smiled and waved at Pomme, Chayanne, and Tallulah, who all waved back at him politely. 

“Hey kids. Rough morning?”

Papa overslept! 

“Pomme!”

Cellbit snickered as a blush dusted across Etoiles’ face. “Bet Philza wasn’t very happy about that.”

Etoiles let out a low whistle and shook his head. “No, he was not. I swear he-”

“Merda, here we go.”

“I tell him I’ll be there by 7:30! I told him that at 7: 30 I’d be there with Pomme, and lunches packed for everyone. I get there at 7:32, and he’s on my ass about being late! Can you believe him? Can you believe he was mad about two minutes, because I still can’t believe it!”

Cellbit couldn’t help but roll his eyes and moved his hand open and shut to mimic Etoiles’ endless talking, which garnered giggles from both Tallulah and Chayanne. 

Pomme huffed as she bit the inside of her cheek to hold in her giggles- not wanting to join in the berating of her oblivious papa- who was still rambling on and on, moving his hands around as he did so. But it was getting harder to do so as his ranting filled the otherwise silent bus ride. 

“- was even there early last time, and he still gave me shit!” Etoiles continued, crossing his arms over his chest. “I was there at six in the morning last week! ‘Oh no Etoiles that is too early I’m barely awake. I haven't had my coffee yet, go wait in the car I will be right there’- alright so which is it, bro? Do I get there too early, or too late?”

“Why not try being on time?”

“Have you just met my family?” He said, teasingly reaching over to pinch at Pomme’s cheek. 

She squealed with laughter and kicked her little legs. 

“Nightmare to get this little one ready in the morning and forget waking up Bags before noon. Pomme’s all cozy in bed! I can’t just wake her up like that! I don’t know how Philza manages with two cutie pies to wake up! I’m a weak man, Cell.”

Cellbit decided not to comment on Etoiles calling his daughter a ‘nightmare’ when Richarylson had bitten him twice for trying to wake him up just that morning alone. 

He also would not comment on the fact he also usually had to wake up Bobby and Pepito as well since Roier had to leave before the sun was even up- although not this week, but the point still stood.

Roier had taken them both with him and Jaiden on the business trip they were on to Scotland, and he wondered if they’d be making a stop by Quackity’s new place- some house in the wide-open countryside. Bobby was so excited to see Tilin again, and Pepito was just excited to go on the train ride, stuffing Pepito’s backpack with all the crayons and coloring books that Pepito could carry.

He sincerely hoped they were enjoying themselves, because he was stuck solo on babysitting duty until Pac and Fit decided to give up apartment hunting and move back into their old frat house turned family home. 

The least Roier could do was bring him back a snow globe or mug. 

Pomme looked over her shoulder smugly at Richarylson and stuck her tongue out at him, just as he had done to her just a few minutes before. And in retaliation, Richas blew a raspberry at her, which splattered all over the sleeve of Cellbit’s free dangling arm. 

He sighed and wiped the spittle onto his jeans. “Thank you, Richas.”

Pai Cell, she started it!

No he did!

“Knock it off you two, I don’t care who started it, first or second.” Etoiles said with a groan, leaning his head back against the headrest of the seat. “You don’t see Tallulah and Chayanne bickering.”

We’re not bickering! Pomme pouted.

Chayanne and Tallulah never get in trouble for bickering!

“Bickering, squabbling, bitch fit- whatever you want to call it, they are not doing it, so they don’t get in trouble for it.”

Cellbit rolled his eyes again. “They pick it up from us, you know?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. I’m an excellent role model for my princess.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Etoiles scoffed, but thankfully didn’t have to contest with Cellbit any further on the matter, since the bus was beginning to pull up towards the school building. 

There was an ocean of children with their parents outside, everyone bundled up in warm winter coats, gloves, hats, and boots, just like Tallulah, Chayanne, Pomme, and Richarylson. The weather said they were supposed to get heavy snow, and that childish side of Etoiles hoped school would let out early so he could take Pomme to get a hot chocolate and go build a snowman with her. 

“Alright, everyone up, come on.” Etoiles said, standing up as the bus slowed to a full halt. He held out his hand for Pomme to grab, and his other for Tallulah to hold. Cellbit did the same, but for Richas and Chayanne. “Single file, we are making a baby chain. ‘Scuse me, coming through.”

The only other passengers left- two old women bundled up in hand knitted scarves- cooed at the display, and waved goodbye to the kids. 

Tallulah waved back and gave them a bright, rosy cheeked smile, which fell as soon as the other woman’s eyes widened like she had seen the devil himself in Tallulah’s dimples. 

They stepped off the bus before she could think any more of it though. 

Etoiles kneeled down to ground so he could adjust the apple shaped barrette in Pomme’s hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Your mama is coming to pick you up after school, unless school gets canceled, then it will be me or Antoine. Okay?”

Okay pa! I love you!

“I love you too.” He wrapped his arms around her in a quick hug and was still smiling when she pulled away. 

She turned on her heel and skipped off, braids whipping around in the wind and beaded baubles clacking together. 

Etoiles looked down at Tallulah and gently took the beanie that had been rolled up in her hands for the entire bus ride and slipped it onto her head. He tried to give her the same smile he had given to Pomme, but his cheerful expression dropped when he saw her looking down at her shoes. 

“Are you okay, Tallulah?”

She nodded, even if it was clear that she wasn’t. 

He reached a hand up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ears. “Are you sad about your papa not being able to pick you up today like he promised?”

Despite knowing it was a lie, she nodded anyway. 

“Oh love.” He sighed. “I promise, Philza is not doing this on purpose. He’s busy, and- and I know that is a shit excuse, but it’s true. You just have to give him time, at least till this weekend.”

Okay Etoiles. 

“...Do you want a hug?”

She easily fell into his open arms and burrowed her face into his shoulder. 

He ran a hand through her pigeon curls and gently shushed her when she sniffled. “Hey, hey, it will be okay. Work should calm down in the spring, and then Philza will have all the time in the world for you and Chay. Just give him a little more time.”

“Mhm.”

Etoiles pulled away from the hug and moved one hand that had been planted firmly on her shoulder to cup her cheek. 

“Tallulah, are you feeling alright?” He asked, brows furrowing in worry. 

Why?

“Because you are cold as ice!” Etoiles looked over his shoulder. “Cell, over here!”

“I’m a little busy, man! Richas, tie your shoes, come on!”

Richas quickly squirmed out of Cellbit’s arms and raced off, grabbing Chayanne’s arm to tug him along. His eyes widened and he looked back at Tallulah, but he nearly tripped so he had to turn forward again, running into the school entrance so Richarylson could make him an accomplice in whatever prank he was about to cook up as they separated to go to their respective classrooms. 

Cellbit sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Between that kid and my sister, I’m going to be gray by the time I’m 30.”

“Cellbit!”

“Calm your shit, man, what is it?”

“It’s Tallulah!”

That certainly got Cellbit’s attention. 

He jogged over, the frosted grass crunching underneath his muddied army boots, and he kneeled down, just like Etoiles was. “What’s wrong?” He asked, almost frantic. “Is she hurt?”

I’m fine, I promise!

“Her lips are blue.” Etoiles said, keeping his voice hushed. “And so are her fingertips. You feel her forehead, I’m going to call Philza.”

Cellbit nodded and took Etoiles place as he stood up. He reached over to place the back of his hand against Tallulah’s forehead, his eyes widening, just as Etoiles’ had. 

“Tallulah, how do you feel right now?”

I feel fine! I promise!

“...I believe you. But can I see your arm, please?”

Tallulah hesitated, before signing, why?

“Because-” He said slowly. “I need to see if you have a pulse.”

Tallulah would have felt her heart drop into her chest, if she could still feel it beating at all against her ribcage. But the telltale ‘thump da thump’ that came with her anxiety was nowhere to be found, and she hesitantly took a step back, away from Cellbit, holding her arm to her chest. 

“Tallulah-”

She turned around and started to run into the school. 

“Tallulah!”

Chapter Text

“Llulah, wait!” Etoiles shouted after her but cursed under his breath as the doors to the school SLAMMED behind her. He winced as if the whole building had rattled and turned on his heel to face the wide eyed Cellbit, who looked just as baffled as he did. “That- that wasn’t normal, right?”

Cellbit slowly shook his head, staring at the space where Llulah had just been, her curls having disappeared in the blur of grade schoolers all pouring into one three story building. He blinked away his shock and shook his head again, this time to free it of the cotton that seemed to plug his ears. 

“Phil.” He said, a newfound certainty in his voice. “We call Phil first.”

“Right, and then what?”

“We- I haven’t thought that far ahead yet!” He hissed, and ran a hand through his hair, pushing his white streak behind his ears. “We could call Baghera? She’ll be picking them all up in the after-”

“And what do you think we should say? ‘Hello Baghera, lovely weather we are having today! Just so you know, poor little Llulah does not have a pulse, so if you could keep an eye on that, that would be fantastic, merci?’ You would- we would both sound like crazy people. I feel like a crazy people just speaking it. No no, Philza should deal with this himself.”

Cellbit rolled his eyes.

He fumbled for his cellphone out of the pocket of his long coat, having to rummage through tufts of lint, cat hair, and stray paperclips in order to retrieve the phone that was most definitely ready to be put to pasture. Roier had been pressuring him to switch from his dinky flip phone with half of the numbers rubbed up to a newer, sleeker phone, but he wasn’t buying into the hype. As long as it could still make calls, he’d keep it safe and sound, tucked away where the only people who could bother him were the people who had his number- which weren’t very many. 

“Philza, Philza, Philza-” He muttered, squinting at his screen. 

“Ah, you are taking too long!”

“I didn’t see you pulling out your phone!” He snapped back. 

“I didn’t think you were going to take so long!”

“There, look, I’m dialing him!” 

Cellbit made a point of shoving the phone into Etoiles’ face, showing off the contact's name ‘P. Craft’, under a profile picture of compressed, pixelated crow holding a knife. Where the picture had come from no one knew- since his phone was so outdated sending pictures was damn near impossible- but he must have gone through the effort of downloading it just to set it to Phil’s profile.

Now it was Etoiles turn to roll his eyes, the phone pulled back to its owner. His ears perked up at the sudden ringing, and he held his breath as one, two, then three rings passed and-

“Hey mate!”

“Ah! Phil!”

“You’ve reached the voicemail box of Phil Craft.”

“CARALHO-”

“If you’re calling me and I’m not picking up, then I’m probably at work. If I am at work, then come on, you can’t wait till Saturday to call? If it is a Saturday, then I’m probably with my kids. And if I don’t answer at all, I probably just don’t like you. To find out which category you fall into, leave a message! Or don’t, I’m not your dad.”

BEEP.

“Phil- pelo amor de deus- you need to pick up Llulah and Chay from school yourself today.” He said, voice quick and snappy as he followed Etoiles in a jog down the street and back towards the bus stop. “I-I don’t know what’s wrong with her- she might still be sick- but-” 

He paused to catch his breath. 

“Just call us back as soon as you get this! I don’t give a shit what you’re doing- oh Jesus Christ I hate running-”

With that final message, he flipped his phone shut like a clam shell and flopped down onto the metal bench. He leaned back against it with a deep, guttural groan, earning him a chuckle from Etoiles. 

“You want to be the next on my shit list?” He huffed and puffed, peaking one eye open at him. 

“Try me, bro.” He said teasingly, nudging him with his elbow. 

“I would, but my lungs, man.” 

“That’s what cigarettes will do to you.”

Cellbit scoffed. “Oh, I do not need this from you-”

“You wanted honesty!”

“I didn’t ask for honesty!”

“Oh, so you just want my silence then?”

“Yes, that would be great!”

Etoiles scoffed and crossed his arms, but the playful grin on his face never once faltered. He stared straight ahead at the next street over, and watched the bushes rustle with the wind and neighborhood stray cats, leaving the two of them in comfortable silence as they waited together for the next bus. 

They found no reason for their banter to continue, and instead, Cellbit reached into his pocket for the cigarette he had been scolded for having. He wordlessly handed the pack to his friend, who accepted with narrowed eyes that said, ‘I won’t tell if you won’t tell.’

Their minds were both plagued with the same worry- what was happening to Llulah inside of that school? It wasn’t like they could follow her inside, and since neither were her ‘legal guardians’, they couldn’t sign her out either. They’d have to leave that up to Phil, or Missa- but Missa, like Roier, was away on business. 

Unlike Roier, however, his practices took him further than Scotland, which was only a few hours away by train. No, he was forced to the other side of the world to Japan, having to leave his family for, as of right now, three more months, having reached the halfway point only a week ago. Even if they got in contact with him, it’d be impossible for him to make it in time to sign Llulah out of school that day, let alone that week. 

And what if this was all nothing? What if, and Etoiles hoped to whatever god was listening that this was the case, he had just missed her pulse? And that the chill she was feeling that made her lips blue and her fingertips cold to the touch was just from the frigid winter? This could all be for nothing!

He hoped it was all for nothing. 

The moment the first period bell rang, loud and obnoxious BRRIIIIIINGS making  every student scramble from their cubbies to their seats. 

There was a seemingly ceaseless chatter from everyone, topics ranging from after school sports to tv show episodes- and all of it faded into the background for Llulah. She had dragged her feet from her cubby, coat still wrapped around her and beanie keeping her curls in place. Her books were tucked under her arms, ready to be put away before homeroom started up. 

She yawned behind her hand and pushed herself up onto her chair. Once she was safe in her seat, she folded her arms and nestled her head onto her desk. 

The bright lights that invaded her vision were now dulled all around her, causing her to sigh in relief. The onslaught of fluorescence had been giving her a headache that felt as if her skull were being cracked down the middle with a meat mallet, leaving her wondering if she should bother hobbling back to the nurse. Even if she was dismissed again with a wave of the woman’s hand, at least she’d have a few minutes of quiet wandering the empty hallways, the muffled sounds of kids her age learning fractions and geography turning the throbs into a thrum. 

Her eyes screwed shut for a moment, but she let them flutter open so she could look up at the hand on her shoulder. 

Are you alright? Pomme asked, her brows furrowed as she frowned down at her friend, who was acting unlike her usual bright and cheery self. You look like you didn’t sleep.

Llulah yawned. I tried to, but I couldn’t. 

She wasn’t going to admit to Pomme she was up all-night reading. Especially since she had combed through that entire book, front to back, until the sun was up, and she still didn’t understand a word of it. For such a pretty word- Twilight- the pages seemed to be filled with nothing. 

For a brief second, Llulah considered spilling her guts right there and then to Pomme. The two of them had been best friends since they were in daycare together, Philza and Etoiles pairing them up to play whenever they were together. 

They had been inseparable for the first five years of their lives, and when they were separated for the first time ever at six years old, and she realized she was without not just her brother, but her best friend? Llulah had wailed till she needed her emergency inhaler. More than once Pomme had gotten in trouble for trying to sneak into her classroom just to say hello, scurrying out with a giggle when the teachers caught her. 

Are you still sick?

Pomme’s question brought her back to reality. She wished she could feel the flush of embarrassment in her cheeks, as she shook the idea of telling her off like freshly fallen snow on her shoulders. The last thing she wanted was for Pomme to worry about her. 

No, I don’t think so. She then paused. Maybe a little bit. 

Pomme wrinkled her nose. Does papa Bad need to bring you more of that yucky medicine?

It was Llulah’s turn to scrunch up her nose. No way!

I had to take it when I had chicken pox. Very icky. 

She nodded in agreement with her friend. I think I just have to relax. If I cough enough, I can probably sit out of P.E.

I can take you back to the nurse if you need me to. Pomme offered up her arm like a chivalrous knight, making Llulah giggle behind her hands. And if she’s mean to you again- 

She threw a fake punch, both of them squealing in delight as she stumbled backwards into her own seat. Her notebooks, all filled to the brim with gel pen diary entries, school notes in smudged pencil, and highlighter doodles that belonged hanging in a museum were sent tumbling to the ground when they collided with her misplaced elbow, causing her to yelp. 

Oh no! Llulah couldn’t help but laugh as she scrambled out of her seat and kneeled down on the eraser and pencil shaving covered tile to pick up as many of the stray papers as she could in time. 

Maybe Maman was right. She puffed out her cheeks, gathered up bunches of looseleaf papers and haphazardly shoved them back into wobbly, plastic folders. It’s time for new notebooks. 

You have a million of them!

Yes, but I was saving them!

For what?

I don’t know! That’s why I was saving them!

Pomme sat back in her seat and began to re-organize her notebooks and folders back into the neat and tidy pile they had been in before the tumble. She stuck her tongue out, and moved her braids out of the way, brightly colored red, blue, and white baubles obscuring her vision. She shuffled each scrap of paper until they were all neatly aligned, then flashed a smile at Llulah, who was giving her one back with the same, warm fondness. 

I have one for everything! She said and paused to run her finger down the spines. One for maths, for science, for my drawings, for my stories, for my stickers-

Llulah rested her cheek against her palm. 

She no longer felt the familiar radiation of heat bouncing off her skin, and instead was met with an ice-cold touch, as if she had stuck the side of her face against a snowbank. She showed no signs of being bothered on her face, just a shiver of discomfort. She curled her fingers into a fist, hoping her knuckles would feel more- not comfortable, per say, but just more bearable. 

It was hard to focus on Pomme when she could hear everything- and she meant everything. 

Without the teacher in the room, it was absolute mayhem. Voices overlapped with one another, each one clambering to be louder than the last, until it was the classroom might have been a symphony of screams piercing Llulah’s ears and making the feedback of her hearing aids ring and rattle. Even if she put the talking aside, there would still be the squeaking of snow-covered shoes against the floor, phones being tapped on, pencils scribbling on last minute homework assignment-

She screwed her eyes shut again and hoped Pomme wouldn’t notice. 

She also hoped that the teacher found her way into the classroom soon- before the next bell rang, and she would have to deal with the sea of shuffling footsteps moving onto their first elective. At least if everyone was settled down, even for a minute or so before hand, then maybe Llulah would have a chance of making it through her first class without wishing she had more than a jitterbug in her backpack ‘for emergencies only’. She had been promised a phone by the time she was twelve by both of her dads, but that wouldn’t do her any good now, stuck not only in the classroom, but in her own head. 

Pomme must have noticed Llulah wasn’t in much of a mood to talk, because when she opened her eyes again, she found her friend with her silent reading book- Warrior Cats: Midnight - on her lap, her notebook opened up to doodles of cats and detailed descriptions next to each one. 

As soon as she became enthused by the idea of being out on the playground again- herself, Pomme, Richarylson, Dapper, Chayanne, and Leo all huddled together to play cats around the swing set and seesaw- her teacher puttered into the room, exclaiming apology after apology for being late. Something about a loose telephone wire, something about a car accident- it didn’t matter. 

Llulah’s face had fallen, and she glanced at the clock on the wall. 

Only six and a half more hours to go. 

Chapter Text

In Llulah’s opinion, it had taken far too long for the day to make its way to recess. 

It brought her a spout of relief to have this opinion, as this was the only somewhat ‘normal’ thought she had consistently throughout the day. When the lights were too bright and seemed to burn not just her eyes, but the rest of her as well, or when there was a sweet, lingering smell that wafted through the halls that she couldn’t quite place her finger on, she found comfort knowing she as she was glancing at the clock every minute, she was having the same thought that the rest of her peers shared- ‘thank God it’s almost lunch time.’ 

Every time she’d look away from the clock, she’d find three or so other heads doing the same, each one anticipating when they’d get to break out their lunch boxes in the cafeteria and swap whatever snacks and sandwiches their parents had packed. Whether it was peanut butter and jelly wrapped in aluminum, or a pre-packaged container of ham, cheese, food was scarfed down, and crumbs would be brushed away so everyone could rush in a tidal wave of pent-up energy towards the playground. 

Llulah was no different, and she couldn’t be more grateful for that. 

Her favorite strawberry jam and peanut butter sandwich cut into the shape of a bird thanks to Phil’s favorite cookie cutter had only the smallest bite out of it when the teacher’s announced it was time for recess, and there was no hesitation as she looked from Pomme, to Chayanne, to Leo, to Dapper and then to Richas. Each of them shoved half eaten lunches either back into their lunch boxes or into their mouths, ready for the only half an hour of play they got before having to head back inside for quizzes and worksheets. 

Richarlyson especially looked ready to burst with energy, chomping down a handful of miniature ores before shoving the crumpled packaging into his pocket. He swung his legs over the bench where they had been criss-crossed, and bounced in place waiting for Pomme to put her food away, neat and tidy to be eaten on the car ride home with her maman. 

Come on, hurry up! He waved his hand around in a circle, bouncing from one foot to the other. Rápido! 

I’m going as fast as I can! Pomme rolled her eyes but sent a wink to Llulah’s way as she deliberately slowed her movements, zipping up her lunchbox at a snail’s pace. It took everything in her not to start maniacally giggling when Richas let out a groan and threw his head back. 

You’re doing this on purpose!

You can’t prove anything! She said, very clearly doing this on purpose. 

Richarlyson stomped his foot and crossed his arms over his chest. 

Calm down. Chayanne said. We have half an hour. 

It’s gonna take us half an hour just to get started!

While Richas and Pomme seemed to be at odds, and Chayanne was trying to mitigate, Llulah stared down at her uneaten sandwich. The strawberry jam, normally so sweet, had tasted bitter and tart on her tongue, making her want to scrape it off with sandpaper. She couldn’t shake the feeling of deep-rooted disgust that made her lip curl, and her face must have been funny enough, because Dapper tapped her on the hand just so she could watch him copy it. 

She giggled behind her free hand. Don’t make fun of me!

How could I not? He said teasingly. You look like you swallowed a bug!

Did you swallow a bug? Leo asked through a mouthful of goldfish, crumbs scattered across her cheeks. 

No! 

I did once. She said. Learned not to keep my mouth open when riding my bike! 

Gross! Llulah laughed and shoved her face away from her’s. I don’t wanna hear that!

Leo laughed as well, spraying crumbs onto the table below her. She wiped it away with her sleeve, and then onto her jacket wrapped around her waist despite the biting winter cold. She’d have to pull it on once they were outside, but the cafeteria was warm enough that her skin didn’t prickle from goosebumps. Are you gonna eat the rest of your sandwich?

Llulah frowned and shook her head. 

Can I have it? 

I thought you didn’t like strawberry jelly. 

I don’t, but Sunny does, and her pa packs her the good snacks. Leo said with a mischievous glint in her eye. 

Tradesies?

Tradesies! 

Before handing off her lunch to Leo, she plucked the post-it note that had been left on top of the foil and tucked it close to her heart. She couldn’t bring herself to give it away with the rest of her lunch, and instead folded it in half, putting it in her front pocket. It was a simple little note, a ‘I love you <3- Papa’ scrawled in Phil’s half cursive half chicken scratch, but she didn’t want to see it tossed in the bin when Sunny unwrapped her sandwich later in the day. 

Thank you! Leo grinned, showing off her braces. She put the sandwich in the pocket of her bag, and swung her legs over the bench so she could stand up next to Richas. Let’s leave t hese slow pokes and grab the good swings!

Finally! He threw his arms up in the air. Someone who takes recess seriously!

Drama king. Pomme said, swiping bits of crumbs off of her skirt before standing up, jacket buttoned up to her neck. I don’t know why you’re in such a rush. We still have to set everything up. 

Richas groaned again. That’s it! I’m going with Leo!

And with that, he and Leo stormed off together through the double doors, letting the thick blanket of chill burst its way into the practically deserted cafeteria. The only ones left were a pair of teachers doing some last-minute grading in the corner of the room, and a few older kids in Chayanne’s advanced classes who were playing a game of cards. Other than them, it was just Pomme, Llulah, Dapper, and Chayanne left.

Should we go after them? Dapper asked, leaning against the wall. 

Pomme shrugged, digging through her backpack for the specific notebook where she kept her Warrior Cats notes- the same one she had been writing in during homeroom, already filled with three front to back pages of new information. They won’t be able to start without me anyway. She said. I have their character sheets!

Can we play Wings of Fire tomorrow?

But I haven’t started that one yet

Then Chayanne and I can teach you! It was his turn to beam, pressing his hands together in a plea. 

Oh, alright. She said, pretending to be annoyed, but smiled when Dapper cheered, happily flapping his hands around. You go on ahead, I’ll catch up.

Okay! He sprung to his feet, and just like Leo and Richas, disappeared out the doors. 

Pomme then turned to Chayanne. You better take this. She said, handing him the journal.

“Huh?” He furrowed his brow. What for?

Because you’re the clan leader, duh!

I am? He blinked. 

You’re the oldest!

Ramon is the oldest. 

Ramon isn’t here.

Dapper’s the tallest, he should be leader. 

We all put it to a vote, and you're the leader, that’s how democracy works! She said, with an awful proud little smirk as he fumbled for a response. Swiftstar of Island Clan!

A faint blush dusted his cheeks, and he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t want to admit it out loud, but he didn’t mind the sound of that. It was silly- it was just a game after all- but being called a leader of anything made him swell with pride. 

Chayanne turned his head and glanced over at Llulah- if he was going to be clan leader, then he needed a deputy! -  but suddenly frowned before he could speak. 

Are you alright? He asked, brows knit together in a way that made him look exactly like his father. His blue eyes shone with worry, making Llulah’s already heavy heart pinch. Did you eat enough?

I wasn’t hungry. At least she wasn’t lying to him this time. 

You didn’t eat a lot last night either. He said. We don’t have to go play outside; you know. 

I want to!

Are you sure? You were just sick, maybe you shouldn’t be out in the cold.

Llulah rolled her eyes, despite her lips curling in a smile. You sound like apá Missa. 

Chayanne puffed out his cheeks. Excuse me for worrying about you! 

You don’t have to worry, I’m fine! And now she was lying again. Chayanne’s shoulders might have relaxed at her ‘reassurance’, but her own tensed up, and she hoped he wouldn’t notice the way her fists curled in her lap. She flashed him a smile, only to huff when he reached over and tousled her hair. Hey! She aimed a flick at his nose, but he was too quick for her, and easily dodged. 

Too slow! He stuck his tongue out at her as he dashed towards the door. You’ll have to catch me!

Despite Llulah being the one who was teased, it was Pomme who huffed. Wait for us!  She looked at her friend, who was all giggles as they both stood up. He didn’t even get to look at the notes. 

He will. She said. Hey, what’d you make me in the game?

Poppypaw! You’re our medicine cat!

Llulah hadn’t gotten around to reading the books yet, but the way Pomme said it, it must have been a good thing. She offered out her arm to Pomme, who gladly linked up with her. 

The sky outside was clear and cloudless, and the sun beat down, yet it did nothing to quell the brisk, January cold. In fact, it seemed to be even colder than it had been that morning, when clouds and fog blanketed the earth, just like the snow littered across the grass and the mulch. The only places on the playground- which at that moment, felt like the whole wide world- was the blacktop just outside of the cafeteria doors, and the patch of field where the jungle gym and swing set sat, rusted from time and in desperate need of a paint job. 

The swing set in particular, lined with four swings all in a row, with thick metal chains connected to rickety metal poles painted in a faded red, were their primary haunt. During the spring they would sit and weave wildflowers into miniature crowns, during the autumn they’d catch acorns and bury them to make more trees, and now, during the winter, when they couldn’t catch snowflakes on their tongue, they’d chase each other around just to keep warm. 

Just outside the playground, bordered off by a chain link fence as brittle as ice, was a thick bramble of thorns that led into a patch of woods. Birds, and squirrels, and the occasional fox would skitter through the sizable holes in the chain and onto the playground to the delight of the grade schoolers, but that didn’t happen until spring, when all the snow melted, and everything was new. Right now, the forest was home to nothing but eerie silence, frozen over streams, and trees that looked naked without leaves on every branch. 

And being so close to the swing set, it was the perfect backdrop for their game. 

Pomme, I’m never gonna remember all this. Chayanne said as soon as she and Llulah approached the swing set. He held up the notebook and gestured to the cat drawn on the page- sleek with golden fur, a shiny pelt, and a star on its chest. Is this me?

Yes! She said, letting go of Llulah’s arm. You look awesome!

Chayanne once again found himself flushed with embarrassment.

Richas hopped from the swing to the mulch and let out a roar, crouched down close to the ground as if he were on all fours. Dapper followed suit, the two of them roaring at each other. 

Get off my turf, mouse-brain!

Your turf?! We’re in the same clan! Richas looked at Pomme for the answer, sitting down as his knee began to ache. We’re all in the same clan, right? 

“Mhm!”

See!

Dapper sat in front of him, tucking his legs in criss-cross applesauce. Then who do we get to fight?

Pomme paused. Her eyes suddenly widened, as if she were having some great and terrible realization and stared at the ground as if it would crumble beneath her at any moment. 

Chay give me back my notebook and give me twenty minutes.

Chapter Text

It was obvious that this session of recess would not be spent playing Warrior Cats like originally planned, since Pomme was crouched down in the mulch, frantically scribbling, erasing, and revising every page she had to with a feverous energy that no one dared interrupt her. 

They only ever saw this level of intensity when it came to their exams or Pomme’s long list of extracurriculars- dance recitals, fencing matches, chess tournaments- so the rest of the group thought it best to leave her to her own devices until she was ready to play again. Her tongue stuck out in concentration, and if it weren’t for Dapper looming over her like a shadow, then she would have been completely oblivious to the rest of the outside world.

Richas, Leo, and Chayanne didn’t mind her sudden change of heart at all. They knew how much it meant for her for every detail of a game based on her beloved books to be perfect, and if they had to, they’d wait a hundred recesses. There was always after school and weekends after all, what was one missed recess? 

In fact, it was Richas who had an idea of what to do instead. He was the first to run to one of the teacher’s and beg them for a football to kick around. He begged and pleaded until the teacher caved and shuffled back inside to grab one from the wheelie bin of sports equipment they kept in the caf for this exact purpose. 

When he received it, he thanked her profusely and turned around to dribble it back to where his friends were. 

With one swift kick towards Chayanne the game was set, and the three of them kicked it back and forth with cheers and laughter. 

While Richarlyson’s strong suit might have been fancy footwork, and Chayanne’s was his strong kicks, Leo was able to easily impress them both when she bonked against the ball with her noggin, sending it flying across the mulch and back onto the tarmac. A proud grin spread across her face as the boys stared jaw dropped at her, and she used their stupefaction to skip off and retrieve the ball from where it rolled next to a group of girls playing jump rope. 

She gestured for them to kick it back, and one of them did, albeit feebly. Leo just gave her a thumbs up and jogged back to her own group. 

That left Llulah on the swing set by herself, pumping her legs back and forth to take herself higher and higher into the air. Her fingers curled around the ice-cold chains, and the breeze cut against her cheeks like razor wire, but she still hummed to herself, bobbing her curls up and down to an imaginary tune. 

Each time she swung higher- so high that the tips of her toes touched the clouds- she imagined the swell of an imaginary orchestra in the background of her mind, playing out like a movie scene. As she swung back down to the earth, the music calmed again, leaving her in a lull state until she was back into a crescendo of violas, snare drums, and her favorite instrument of all, the flute. 

The sound of her friend's laughter, the wind in her ears, the other kids running around- for once that day, all of it simply faded away into background noise, leaving Llulah to close her eyes, and experience a moment of pure, unfiltered bliss. She wouldn’t be able to describe it any other way, not when all day she had been overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. 

She was elated to receive such a small reprieve in the form of the swing set and was glad now more so than ever that they had ‘claimed’ this spot on her first day of school, when she, Pomme, and Richas were easily and without question accepted into Chayanne, Dapper, and Leo’s already established group. There would always be a spot where Juanaflippa and Tilin no longer were, but that space grew smaller and smaller with each day they were gone, but at least now, there was no longer a pit in her stomach when she counted six instead of eight heads. 

Though if the two of them were here, this recess wouldn’t be much different. Llulah knew that Flippa and Tilin would choose the football over the swings any day of the week and would happily join in with Richas showing off the fancy kicks he had learned from Pac, Cellbit, Mike, and Felps. 

Chayanne was no stranger to being a showoff either, and as the oldest, he obviously felt the need to puff out his chest and compete. Every kick aimed at him was sent back with the same gusto, keeping him grinning as Richas’ moves became less fancy and more frantic. 

Leo seemed to be a happy middle ground, and once she noticed the spark of competition between the two, let out a mischievous giggle. She whistled to garner the two’s attention, and since she had the ball, she kicked it into the center. 

How about a little one on one? She asked, waggling her brows at the two of them. Chay vs Richas, the battle of the century! 

Richas grinned ear to ear and bobbed his head up and down in a frantic nod. He jogged in place in a swell of pure excitement, and only stopped to catch his breath. 

Chayanne, however, looked a bit more hesitant. I don’t know. He rubbed the back of his neck, that same flustered dusty rose that coated his cheeks earlier returning, but if asked, he’d of course blame the winter wind nipping at his nose. 

Are you scared you’ll lose? 

What? No!

Then what’s the problem?

“Er-” Chayanne didn’t have a good answer for that question and gulped down his nerves. 

It was one thing to play for the heck of it as they had been for the past fifteen minutes- half of recess having gone by in a flash- but the older he got, the more he came to a certain realization. 

That just like his old man, he did not like to lose. In fact, to anyone but Llulah- because let’s face it, he could never be mad at her- he was a bit of a sore loser. It got to the point where he and Ramon, he and Flippa, and he and Dapper had butted heads over every game from Mario Kart, to Monopoly, to chess. 

One of his earliest memories was losing a game of tag against Tilin, and tackling her into the sandbox of their daycare, both of them pulling at each other’s hair and shrieking their little heads off. He couldn't quite remember who won, but he did remember Phil in hysterics when the story was recounted to him by the exhausted, and frankly underpaid, daycare worker who had to pull them apart. 

And now here he was, once again staring down the barrel of the gun of competition. 

Richarlyson smirked at him, and must have noticed the twitch of hesitancy, because he stepped forward to prop his foot onto the soccer ball and rolled it back and forth. 

I guess if you’re too chicken to play-

I am not a chicken! Chayanne’s face burned red, starting from his temples and traveling to the apples of his cheeks, he could feel steam like a train whistle rising from his ears. 

Without another word or taunt, Richas swiftly kicked the ball his way. 

Leo dashed out of the line of fire with a hoot and a holler. She scrambled backwards towards Pomme and Dapper and stumbled to sit down in the mulch beside them so she could watch the chaos unfold. She pulled her legs to her chest, rested her head on her knees, and glanced up at Dapper. 

Is she having fun? She asked, gesturing to Pomme. 

Dapper nodded, his eyes focused on Chayanne and Richas. Are they?

She just shrugged. Probably!

The two of them watched in wide eyed glee, and soon, Llulah had even stopped her swinging to watch in awe, and cheer on her brother as he defended his honor against Richas. 

She was the only one clapping and cheering for him, Dapper and Leo on Richas’ side, which did make sense- he was on the football team after all- but that didn’t mean she was going to leave her own brother high and dry like that! She knew if Pomme wasn’t so engrossed in her own writing that she’d be cheering on Richas as well, which meant that Llulah had to be the sole cheerleader for Chayanne, and clap twice as loud whenever he managed to stop the ball from rolling too far onto the asphalt, or kicked it so hard that his opponent barely had the time to react, leaving him with his jaw agape watching it roll away from the mulch. 

But Richas wasn’t about to be so easily beaten- not at his own game. 

The next kick he aimed at Chayanne was from the asphalt, sending it soaring high into the air. He watched as it seemed to block out the sun like an eclipse, and as time halted, he almost forgot that he was supposed to run. Luckily for him his brain snapped back to reality, and his sneakers hit the pavement the same time the ball bounced off the mulch, sending wood chips flying into the air. 

Chayanne aimed a swift kick but missed by just a hair. He let out a yelp as he lost his balance and fell backwards onto his side. Thankfully he was able to hold his palms out and break his fall before he could plummet face first, but he felt his skin break open from the impact, and the warmth of blood pooled under his hand. 

He was forced to watch as the ball bounced again from the force of hitting the ground, and once it landed again, it began to roll through the snowbank-

All the way towards the chain link fence surrounding the forest. 

The group went dead silent, all of them staring at the overgrowth that leered over the chicken wire like the mouth of a monster, with brambles for teeth and what could have been poison ivy as its tongue. The bare trees all covered in a thick coat of snow rustled in the breeze, the branches rattling wildly like limbs, sending a shiver down the spine of any passerby. 

The lack of bird calls from deep within the heart of the wooded thicket made it all the more eerie- all life having been sucked from the brambles and overgrown evergreens with the change of seasons. Not even a squirrel was left to scurry across the forest floor. The wind once again rolled by in a wave, and that was the final pull needed for the football to roll through a small hole in the fence. 

Caraca! Richas stomped his foot. There goes our ball! 

You’re the one who kicked it too hard! Chayanne sat up, and wiped his bloody palm on his pants, wincing at the tug of cotton fibers against his open wound. If you weren’t trying to show off-!

I have to show off! I can’t lose to you at football!

You were winning anyway!

And I had to keep winning!

Well, who's gonna go get the ball!? Chayanne puffed out his cheeks. We’ll get in trouble if we ask a teacher too!

I’m not going in there! Richas shook his head. I’m not stupid! 

One of us has to!

It was then that Llulah hopped off the swing, the sound of the rustling chain causing their butting heads to turn. Chayanne’s eyes widened as he saw her shuffling towards the snow bank, and he rushed over to grab her wrist without a second thought. 

Where are you going? He asked, pulling away when she paused to look over her shoulder. One leg was lodged in the snow, while the other was still safely dug into the mulch of their playground’s safe haven. 

To get the ball!

You don’t have to do that. He said hurriedly, eyes going wide at the thought of Llulah anywhere near that spooky forest. 

Don’t worry, I want to. She tried to give him her best reassuring smile, even if her cheeks had gone visibly pale- paler than they had been lately. I’ll be quick! You won’t even notice I’m gone!

Let her get the ball! Leo said from where she sat. It couldn’t have gotten far. 

Chayanne frowned, but his hold on her wrist went slack. 

Come right back. He said. Or I’m getting a teacher. 

She gave a mock salute and scurried off. 

Once her back was turned from Chayanne, she finally was able to let out the gasp she had been holding since he fell, and she held her shaking wrist up to her face, each shuffling step towards the woods slow as molasses. 

The splotches of blood that now stained the sleeve of her navy-blue blazer had already begun to dry from red to brown, spotting her cuff like the chocolate chips of a cookie- and it smelled just as sweet. Her mouth salivated as she stared, transfixed by her the tiniest dot of red that had landed on her skin. It glimmered like a ruby as the light from the sun hit it just right, but she could still see the vague outlines of her friends out of the corner of her eye, with Chayanne’s gaze causing the hair on the back of her neck to prickle, she knew she couldn’t do anything about it until she was shielded by the overgrowth of twisting vines. 

The chain-link fence had been at that school long before she was even a thought in her dad’s mind and would probably still be there long after she was gone. It was no wonder that animals were able to chew through it so easily and dash onto school grounds, as the woven metal was brittle, and it only took one determined fox or confused chipmunk to fit through the holes weathered by time. 

Llulah might have been a little bit bigger than your typical forest critter, but she still crouched down into the snow on all fours, and squeezed her eyes shut. 

As long as she didn’t let the sickly-sweet scent distract her, she could imagine herself as a fox, scurrying back to its den. She could imagine herself going back to her fox family- her brother and dads and uncles all taking on muzzles and whiskers, making her giggle. 

She opened her eyes again and began to shimmy through the hole. 

Wire dug into her back, and snagged on her blazer, ripping it right down the middle. She yelped in alarm and shimmied further through the fence, and with one final shove through it tore off completely, leaving her to tumble in a heap of limbs in just her blouse, without anything to keep her warm. 

Normally she’d already be shivering from the cold and would probably desperately need to grab her inhaler from the nurse's office. Her hands dug into the snow beneath her, expecting to need to ground herself so her vision didn’t blur. At least if she could lean against the back of the fence, she’d have some stability before collapsing. 

However, as her palms pressed further into the snow and brushed against the dead grass, she found that…she was completely fine. There was no debilitating chill despite the wind, and there was no constraint against her ribs. 

All she felt was an odd sense of calm. 

She shakily stood back up onto her feet and looked around at the endless expanse of white around her. 

Despite most of the trees being bare, the evergreen’s still plump with pine needles covered the sky like the canopy over her bed, sending only brief splotches of sunlight to the forest floor. The speckles of golden rays danced against the sheen of pure white, Llulah watching in silent awe at the glistening fractals of ice. She followed the sunbeams up to icicles caught on tree branches and imagined plucking them from their spots to munch on like rock candy, though she knew it wouldn’t taste like grape or butterscotch. 

She wished Chayanne had come with her to see this. Pomme too. 

But Llulah, for once, couldn’t help but be glad to be alone. 

Besides her own footprints, the snow was completely undisturbed, and no matter what way she looked, she couldn’t see where the ball had rolled off to. There were no trails, or tracks, or the familiar black and white print poking through the vast expanse of winter wonderland.

A shiver ran down her spine like a bucket of ice water as she realized she couldn’t leave without the ball, or they’d all be in trouble. They’d be forced to stay inside for recess for at least a month, and then all of Pomme’s hard work on their game would be for nothing. And of course, that also meant their parents would be called, and oh, Llulah’s face fell thinking of Phil being called into the headmaster’s office. 

With that in mind, she puffed out her chest the same way Chayanne did whenever he had to catch a stray spider in the house, or Phil did whenever he would check under her bed for monsters. Her fists curled around her school skirt to stop them from trembling. 

And she ventured further into the forest. 

Chapter Text

The teacher’s whistle pierced through the air, turning every head on the playground. 

All she had to do was wave her arm, and there was a surge of kids rushing forward to clamber back into the cafeteria so they could grab their bags and head to their final classes of the day. Jump ropes were grabbed from the blacktop to be put away for the next recess, and the warmth of the school beckoned those with nipped noses and trembling hands from the cold. 

Of course, there would always be one or two kids who tried to get a little extra time in by hiding behind a tree or inside of the playground, hoping to blend in with the next round of kids that finished up their lunch. No kid had ever managed to do this successfully, no matter how many attempts were made, and it almost always resulted in a lunch indoors for the kid, or a phone call home, depending on how far they ventured off. 

Because of this, one of the T.A’s was sent to do a final sweep of the area, grumbling under her breath the whole time. She pulled her scarf up to her chin and kept her hands tucked into the pockets of her jean jacket as she stomped through the mulch, calling out for any stragglers. 

“OI!” She shouted, spotting five heads poking around the chain link fence. She shuffled over with her eyes narrowed behind her glasses. 

Chayanne’s head snapped forward like a meerkat.

“You lot know you’re not supposed to be poking around there!” She didn’t look too happy to be doing this in the first place, but her bad mood only further soured when she had to trudge through the snow, soaking through her leggings. 

Instead of staring dumbfounded at the teacher like the rest of his friends, Dapper was the one who sprang into action. 

He grabbed Richas- who already had one foot dug into the fence, the other dangling in the air- by the waist, and pulled him down before the five of them got into even more trouble than they already, definitely were. He could only imagine what the phone call home to his dad would sound like, though he knew he himself wouldn’t get into much trouble. 

The others on the other hand-

I was almost there! Richas said with a huff. 

When Dapper put a finger to his lips, a swift kick was aimed at his shins, and if it weren’t for Pomme quickly grabbing him, he would’ve crumpled to the ground like tissue paper.  

The T.A only stopped her tirade when she was in front of the group with her hands on her hips. 

Her red painted lips were curled in a frown, and her face softened from anger to mild annoyance when she recognized the group of kids. These kids weren’t the rude ones who threw erasers across the room, or who started a riot as soon as a teacher left to get a drink of water from the fountain. 

In fact, she’d go so far as to say that they were all- but especially Chayanne and Pomme- exemplary students. Sure, Richarlyson was a prankster, and Dapper and Leo were the more fidgety kids, but they were overall polite, and as an underpaid, sleep deprived teacher’s aide, that counted for a lot.

“What’s going on here?” She asked, keeping her tone firm despite her clear fondness. “Come on, you all know you’re not supposed to be poking around here. You could get hurt.”

Sorry Miss. Pomme frowned, staring down at her scuffed Mary Jane shoes. But we have to be here! 

“And why’s that?”

We kicked our football through the fence. Leo admitted with a worried frown of her own. She saw no use in trying to hide it, especially when they were already in hot water as it was. And Llulah went to go get it. 

But she’s still not back yet! Pomme had tried to jump over the fence, having earned herself a cut from her attempt at climbing over it like Richas had just been. Blood stained the sleeves of her blouse and had dripped down onto the snow around her. We have to go get her!

The T.A’s eyes widened at that. “She went through the fence?”

She’s the only one of us small enough to fit!

“How long has she been gone for?”

Almost fifteen minutes. Chayanne said. He hung his head in shame. 

His hands were curled around a piece of torn, dark fabric, and as he held it up for her to inspect, it was clear that this was Llulah’s blazer, ripped right down the middle from behind caught on the fence. The fabric frayed around the edges, and would have to be replaced entirely, but the wardrobe malfunction was the least of anyone’s worries. 

Especially Chayanne’s.  

His mind was already racing with the worst-case scenarios, his heart feeling like it was about to tear itself from his chest and go traipsing off through the woods to look for Llulah itself. He could only imagine how far she must have wandered off- just for a stupid football- and the insurmountable things that could go wrong whilst all alone. She could get hurt, she could encounter a wild animal, she could-

His dad had warned him to never wander off into the woods, and especially to never let Llulah wander off into the woods. 

It was one of the few rules he actually bothered to enforce, as he liked to consider himself a much laxer parent than most. He let his kids stay up later than usual to finish last minute school assignments, he let them watch movies and television shows with curse words, and even let them curse themselves if they wanted! But when he had rules, boy did he have rules! 

They were strange to anyone else, and when he would relay them to his friends, he would receive side eyed glances before they were accepted as fact. Always give a nickname to a stranger, never your full name, if asked, was one that had baffled him at first, but now he found himself introducing himself as ‘Chay’ whenever he met someone new. 

He had never known why this was one of his father’s rules. 

Until recently. 

And now what might lay in the darkness kept Chayanne up at night, and no amount of warm milk or stories about his uncle Technoblade could stop him from staring up at his ceiling when the sun had long been set, trying to make shapes out of the shadows that danced around his room. 

What was just a tree branch rattling in the wind, and what was a claw or talon being scraped against the glass? What was just the house settling, and what were the creaks and groans of a ghost? 

He’d never admit how seriously he heeded his father’s warnings, but apparently, not seriously enough. Otherwise, he never would’ve let Llulah go off on her own. 

What kind of a big brother was he?

The T.A’s initial reaction did absolutely nothing to quell his anxieties. In fact, the first words out of her being, “Oh shit-”, put him even more beside himself! All the color must have drained from his face, because Leo put a hand on his shoulder to keep him steady. 

She clamped a hand over her mouth when she realized she had just sworn in front of a gaggle of ten- and eight-year-olds.

“I mean- uh-” She gulped. She struggled to find her words, her eyes darting from the worried faces all looking up at her. “Look, I’m sure she can’t have gone far. You all should head back to class. Chayanne, we’ll bring you to the headmaster’s office to ring up your dad, and- and we’ll get this all sorted out before the end of the day, alright? I’m sure you’ve all got heaps of work to keep you busy.”

Richas’ brows flew up. She wanted him to focus on fractions and geography while one of his best friend’s was probably being eaten by a wolf

Yes, Pomme had told him over and over again that there were no wolves in England, but he knew what he heard in the dead of night- heck, even in his own home- and more than once his eyes had snapped open to the sounds of howling and scratching coming from downstairs. His attic room door stayed firmly locked, so he never saw what was making the ruckus, but he was smart enough to fill in the dots. 

His only reassurance that he had to disprove that theory in particular was that Llulah was much too small to be a worthy meal for a wolf. A snack, yes. But a full meal? No, a wolf would pass her up in favor of a fox or something. 

“Let’s get going.” She said, starting to lead them all back up the snow slope and towards the school. “I promise, she’ll be alright. She’s only been gone for a few minutes, yeah?”

Pomme nodded with a sniffle. 

“So, she’s probably not far off. We’ll find her, and the football, and we’ll all have a big laugh about this tomorrow.”

Leo narrowed her eyes on the teacher. 

It was unclear whether she actually believed what she was saying, or whether she was trying to convince herself as much as she was the five kids she had to lead back to their classes, but either way, Leo herself didn’t believe for a moment that she’d be able to handle going back to class now. She’d be too busy staring out the window and gazing out past the black top at the briar to worry about tectonic plates. A pit had formed in her gut, causing the rest of her insides to shrivel like a raisin, and she wasn’t the only one. 

From Dapper, to Pomme, to Richas, to Chayanne- none of them said a word as they were ushered back into the cafeteria, shadows cast over their faces. They gathered up their backpacks and lunchboxes in silence, while the T.A who had gathered them all up like ducklings went to the other teachers to relay the news. 

The words ‘Llulah’ and ‘woods’ in the same sentence was met with audible gasps, which of course, only made their already overactive imaginations start to run like wild horses. If even the teachers were this worried about what Llulah could meet in the forest, then how could they sit there, look them all in the eyes, and tell them not to panic themselves? 

If only any of them knew that Llulah was…

Fine. 

She was perfectly fine!

In fact, she was having the time of her life. 

The clear blue sky had filled with swirls of puffy white clouds almost the moment she had darted around the brush to look for the football, and snowflakes had begun to catch on her eyelashes and weave themselves into her curls. She giggled in pure delight the moment she caught one on her tongue, and the further she went, the more the snow began to fall

She might have wandered a little too far off from where the football could possibly be, but that little voice in that back of her head that would be nagging at her to turn back around was oddly quiet, leaving her with the blissful silence of the surrounding woods. 

Without any buzzing bugs, wild mice darting across the floor, or chittering foxes hiding in burrows, she found that it was just herself and Jack Frost nipping at her nose, but somehow, it felt less like a nip, and more like a friendly tickle that would make her giggle whenever there was a particularly strong gust of wind, especially when it was powerful enough to nearly bowl her over. 

She thought she’d be frozen solid without her beanie or puffer, turned into a Llulah-sicle before she even left the school grounds, but as she hopped over steppingstones across a frozen solid stream, her arms outstretched to keep her balance, she realized she hadn’t shivered once. She was just in her school uniform, minus her blazer- hardly suitable January attire- but felt as if she were strolling through a warm spring day. 

The trees might have been bare for the most part, but the evergreens that were still thick with their foliage loomed over her, making her feel small as she stared up at the splotches of blue peeking through the forest canopy. She tried to find the outline of a bird’s nest, or the rustle of a squirrel, but of course, nothing remained in the forest when there was this much snow. 

She looked over her shoulder and found the trail she had created with her own footprints- the snow soaking through her tights and into her shoes from her ankles- was now covered in a layer of fresh, thick snow like a duvet fresh out of the wash. The divots in the snow that matched her exact footprints that left her a clear path back to the school, were gone, and her only indicator that off where she could possibly be was the stream she had hopped across, having mimicked an old Winnie the Pooh cartoon to do so. 

And yet, she didn’t find herself worried at all. 

She figured that she’d be able to circle back eventually. The forest could only be so big after all- she’d hit a road, or a street, or a sidewalk eventually, and she’d just follow the signs back to the school. There’d of course be a lot of explaining to do, but she was sure that with her clean record that she’d just get a phone call home, nothing too intense. 

Getting in trouble was the last thing on her mind though. 

Instead, all of her focus was put into continuing to trudge through the snow. Even as it began to steadily pile up, snowflakes that seemed to be the size of cotton balls pillowing the earth, she still carried on like a soldier, steadily continuing on ahead. 

Besides a road back, she didn’t know what she was hoping to find, going so far into the heart of the forest. It certainly wasn’t the football, she had given up hope on finding that what felt like hours ago, so what else could it possibly be? 

How could she begin to explain how it felt like she was being beckoned somewhere she had never been, tugged on an invisible string that wasn’t there? She could hardly rationalize it to herself, forget about trying to put it into words to another person!

The only word she could think of using was ‘instinct’. 

She’d always been told to trust her instincts, as long as she could remember. From the moment she learned right from wrong, yes from no, and up from down, she had been given the words of wisdom by both her apá and her papa that her instincts were her strongest asset, and until now, she never understood what that meant. 

But now, walking through the forest as if she knew it like the back of her hand, she found that ‘instinct’ was the only thing she was going off of. Each step towards the unknown and away from the school was one she was choosing to take, even if she didn’t quite know why yet. 

The air here smelled fresher than it did by the school, and cleaner than it did around her home. It was like downing a glass of ice-cold water after a long summer’s day, and she wanted to breathe it in for as long as she could. The snow must have been making everything crisp and fresh, covering up the inevitable smells of cars and powerlines. 

Before she could wonder when such things would interrupt her peaceful stroll, the fresh air she had just been singing praises about suddenly went completely still. 

Llulah paused. 

If she didn’t know any better, she would say that time itself had completely halted. But as snowflakes continued to obscure her vision, she found that no, the earth hadn’t stopped spinning, and it was just her that had frozen in place like a statue. 

All at once, the air flooded with the same, sweet scent that had been haunting her for the past several days. 

Her eyes widened and her stomach turned, but not in disgust like she would hope it would at what she now recognized as blood. No, her stomach growled like an animal burrowed inside of her, clawing at her skin and threatening to burst free if she didn’t locate the source straight away. 

And her feet must have been listening to her stomach, and not her brain, because instead of continuing forward, she found herself taking a sharp left, furthering losing herself in the thicket. 

As the overwhelming scent grew closer and closer, the voice in the back of her that had been otherwise subdued this whole trip was beginning to shout at her, kick at her, pull at her hair- anything it could to get Llulah to turn around and run. To run far, far away from whatever she was nearing. To go back to school and forget all of this had ever happened. 

And oh, Llulah began to run alright. 

But it wasn’t to turn on her heels with her tail between her legs. 

No, the smell of hot, warm blood might as well have been freshly made pancakes on a Saturday morning with the way she began to sprint in its direction. She no longer paid any mind to the snow she kicked up in her wake, instead barreling through like a predator towards its prey. 

If she weren’t so focused on plowing through the otherwise peaceful winter landscape, then she might have giggled at the thought of being narrated as if she were the subject of a nature documentary. 

‘The wild Llulah has caught scent of her next meal, and is heading towards it, against all rules of logic.’  

It was ridiculous enough that if she were in a right state, then she’d pause and have herself a laugh. 

The state she was in, however, was only growing more and more frenzied. 

The blood- it was so close that she could practically taste it, her mouth salivating. The only thing on her mind was finding whatever was bleeding out and devouring it, her stomach folding in on itself as she thought about how little she’d actually had to eat since she had gotten sick. A bite of sandwich here and a gulp of soup there wasn’t enough to satiate her. 

This was. 

Finally, she took another turn around a bend of trees. 

She skidded to a sudden halt, and gasped. 

Wind rushed in her ears in lieu of a heartbeat, but other than that, the forest was just as still and quiet as it had been before. It was just her amongst the expanse of snow, and as she sank to her knees when they could no longer hold her up, she felt like little more than a speck under what might as well have been a completely different universe. 

Because she couldn’t imagine that in this universe, that she would have ever become so ecstatic over the smell of carrion. 

A heap of a light brown fur laid in front of her, the rise and fall of its chest having stopped only a moment ago. A pool of bright red, still warm blood pooled beneath it, staining the otherwise pure white snow it was laid on. Most of it seemed to come from its stomach, but with it being laid on its side, Llulah couldn’t make out where it was coming from, and she didn’t know if she wanted to. 

From where she was sitting in the snow, the twists and turns of the overgrown antlers looked more like tree branches, and maybe, she could delude herself into thinking that it was a tree. That a tree had fallen in the forest, and that sweet smell was its sap. She must have been so hungry that she was imagining things. 

She had to be imagining the dead deer in front of her. 

Because why else would she be inching closer?

Chapter Text

Llulah had never seen a dead animal before. 

She’s been to the butcher’s with Phil before, standing on the tips of her toes to watch through the window as hunks of fleshy pink meat were cut thinly into strips and wrapped up to put on her sandwiches, but it had never registered to her that those slices of ham had once been a pig roaming around a pen, like the ones in the petting zoo. She knew it had to have come from somewhere, she wasn’t stupid, but it was hard for her to connect the two. 

The pigs, cows, chickens, and fish she ate were different from those kept as pets, that much she knew. 

She would gladly chow down steaming hot, sauce covered chicken parmesan, because she hadn’t seen the chicken it came from. If she did, then her appetite wouldn't be as apt. She could look at the lobsters in the tank at the supermarket guilt free, knowing they weren’t going to wind up on her plate slathered in butter. 

That wasn’t to say she was completely ignorant to how it was the meat from the animal wound up on her plate every night. She’s had it explained to her by teachers, by nature documentaries, and of course by Phil, who thought it important to tell her that the animals on her tío Tommy’s farm wouldn’t be around forever. That eventually, when they got too old, or if they became sick- well, that was just the circle of life. Things lived, things died, and that was okay. It was explained as gently as possible to her, and she understood, even if it did make her sad to know the crows in the garden wouldn’t be around forever. 

All that to say, that she knew animals died. Everything had to die eventually.

But she had never seen it with her own two eyes. 

She thought if she ever did see a dead animal- god forbid- it’d be a lot less gruesome. They lived near a major road, so there would be times Chayanne would come running into the house, signing frantically to Phil about a raccoon, or possum, or fox that had been hit. He looked absolutely distraught, especially the first time they both ran out the door, and it was far too late to call a vet. He had been in tears the whole night, and her papa putting on The Lion King to cheer him up probably didn’t help matters, no matter how sweet the clumsy gesture was. 

Llulah didn’t know that animals could have this much blood in them. She didn’t know anything could have so much blood that it pooled beneath them like water filling up a pothole, air bubbles popping in the dark crimson as it seeped into the otherwise pure white snow. 

The serene calm of the forest floor that she had been blissfully skipping through had just been shattered, leaving her with her knees dug into the ground, fingers grappling through the snow for soil to hold onto, hoping to keep herself grounded and upright. She was lucky she fell when she did, because now that she was only inches away from the still warm carcass, the more the sweet, syrupy smell began to overwhelm her. 

It wasn’t sweet like cough medicine- so sticky and plastic tasting that she had to plug her nose to swallow it. And it wasn’t even sweet like the chocolates tío Bad would always sneak her when her papa wasn’t looking, putting a finger to his lips as they shared their little secret. 

No, she couldn’t quite place what kind of sweetness it was. 

All she could tell, just from her nose alone, was that it was unlike anything she had ever smelled in her lifetime and would likely taste just as delectable. Her mouth watered in the corners to the point a line of dribble rolled down her chin, and she quickly wiped it away, recoiling in disgust at her own sickening satisfaction. 

Whatever it was that was stirring inside her was the complete opposite of everything she thought she was- and that just made the tightening in her chest ten times worse. She couldn’t fathom that something as awful as a dead deer would ever make her drool like a hungry, ravenous animal, and yet…

She knew for a fact that she was imagining the way her heart thrummed in her ears, but it was a small comfort to know that she still remembered such a sound that it came flooding back to her in her time of utter panic. If she closed her eyes, maybe she could keep imagining the steady tha-thump, tha-thump, tha- thump. 

But as much as she wanted to look away, she couldn’t bring herself to. She couldn’t pull her eyes away from the crumpled body splayed out in front of her, going over every detail with a fine-toothed comb. 

From where she was sitting, the stag’s fur looked soft like a plushie, not coarse as she imagined it would be. The faintest hints of white spots speckled around its flank. Its legs were all bent at awkward angles from having kicked up snow and dirt in a desperate attempt to escape, and its head was tucked down, as if having bowed itself into submission before whatever had gotten to it put it out of its misery. 

It wasn’t enough that she had to see this in the first place, but the fact every detail of this gruesome discovery was enhanced- as if she were sat in the front row of a movie theater and could see even the smallest of pixels being engulfed by the big picture- made it all worse. 

If she weren’t so laser focused on every minute detail then maybe she could back away, pretend that she never saw it, or even delude herself into thinking it was some sick prank. Perhaps even a bad dream, if she could only close her eyes, and spare herself from the truth.

But like she said, she wasn’t stupid, or ignorant. 

No matter how much at that moment she wanted to be. 

Whatever it was that had curled inside the pit of her belly was raring to burst free, and maybe that was why she- against her better judgment- began to crawl closer to the carcass. Her palms dug into the snow, curled up like paws, as if she were simply back on the playground playing as cats with her friends. 

Her friends…

She had almost forgotten why she was out here in the first place, her mind so clouded by sickly sweetening fog, her vision a blur of nothing but red and soft, downy brown. She was only a mere inch or so away from the deer when she paused, reeled backwards onto her elbows, and stared up at the swirls of snowflakes and clouds above her. 

What would her friends say if they were all here? If they were the ones that had stumbled upon the deer, or they were the ones who wanted nothing more than to sink their teeth into its supple flesh?

Richarlyson would probably just poke it with a stick. He’d be sad the poor thing had met such a fate, but it was already passed on, so she could clearly see him attempting to roll it over, just to see what had been the cause of all of the blood that now stained her uniform. The curiosity was beginning to eat at her on that matter, so it brought her a small drop of catharsis to imagine Richas rolling it over with his bare hands. 

She could see Pomme doing the exact thing, except she would do so to see if there was any way to save the poor creature. When it was obvious that nature had already begun to take its course, then she’d dig her heels into the earth, and begin to overturn it with nothing but her bare hands. If she was the one to find the deer, then she would be the one to bury it. 

Dapper most likely would be the one to turn back and get help. A teacher, another one of their friends, heck, she could see him running all the way into town just to find a payphone so he could call his dad to drive out from his job in the city. Bad would grumble of course, but regardless, would come out, and be with his son as he mourned a deer he never knew. 

Leo, tough as nails, would stomp around the woods as if she owned the place, trying to find whatever man or beast took such an innocent life. She would crusade as if it were her life’s mission, and if she found what had gotten to it, she’d pounce like a lion. Llulah couldn’t imagine her winning against something like a bear or wolf, but against a hunter? It was about a sixty-forty shot. 

And finally, Chayanne. What would her big brother do, if it were him in this position instead of her?

That answer was easy. 

He never would’ve been here in the first place. 

He never would’ve wandered so far away from school grounds. He never would have gone after the football, and instead would have just told the teacher’s they had lost it and accepted the day of indoor recess. He never would have strayed away from the swingset. 

And if Llulah traced it back even further than that, he never would have gotten sick either. 

Because he never would have wandered into Juanaflippa’s now abandoned house in the first place. He never would’ve been bitten by that bat, he never would have fled after he saw the man covered in blood, and that all still happened to her perfect, larger than life big brother, then he never would have kept it a secret from everyone. 

Llulah had been trying not to think about it since it happened, but now that she was all by her lonesome, inches away from a deer reeking of its own blood, she had no choice but to turn towards the symphony and face the music. That book she had been reading might have weirded her out beyond belief, and the librarian might have been right that it was too old for her, but there was one thing from it that she was certain of. 

She could finally put a name to her ailments. 

It was a name she had only heard in movies, books, and whispered in hushed, hurried breaths between her father and his friends- her tíos and tías. It was danced around and only brought up when they were sure all the kids were asleep and tucked into their beds, double checking to make sure the doors weren’t open, even by a crack. They wanted to make sure that none of them heard the word that dripped from their tongues, bitter and vitriolic. 

The way Bagi said it was with a hiss, her nails digging into whatever she was holding onto, whether that be the countertop, a glass full of wine, or her own palm, her eyes narrowed as if the creature had suddenly appeared before her out of thin air. 

The way Bad said it was with nothing short of frantic worry, looking over his shoulder before uttering the word. Names were power, afterall, and if he said, he feared that the very thing would pull him into the shadows, and away from his son forever. 

And the way her own father said it, was full of pure, unbridled hatred. Bastards, he called them. Filthy. Leeches. Monsters that prowled the streets of England, and he wouldn’t rest until every last one that had ever dared to lay their hands on an innocent soul was sent back to hell where they belonged. She was always shocked her loving, doting papa was capable of such threats, but somehow, she had no doubt that if given the chance, he would follow through on them. 

That was why now, looming over the deer, her vision began to blur with hot, unshed tears that welled in the corner of her eyes. 

She took deep breath after deep breath, in an attempt to reel herself back in, the four-seven-eight method never having failed her before. But it was in vain, as fat droplets of water began to rush down her cheeks, staining them and landing in the puddle of crimson underneath her. She hiccupped for air, hoping to keep her cries to just hushed whimpers-

Only to break out into a wail like a wounded animal. 

She couldn’t help it. Her shoulders shook under the weight of everything- the bite, the sickness, the slow realization that had seemed to creep up on her and engulf her like a plague- and all she wanted was to curl up in a ball and be buried underneath the snow. It was already beginning to coat the carcass like powdered sugar on a pastry, so why shouldn’t she join it, as if she were its own fawn? It wasn’t like she could go back home now that she was, in her eyes, too far gone. 

Because even as she sobbed and sobbed for what felt like hours, she still could only think about gulping down the blood, and swallowing the venison that was rotting under her nose. Anyone else would have been revolted by the sight, the smell, by being so close to a dead thing in the first place, but Llulah wasn’t anyone else anymore. 

She couldn’t say what she was- she wasn’t ready yet. She had the name on the tip of her tongue, and it sat in the pit of her stomach, but she refused to put it to the forefront of her mind. 

Especially not now, when she wailed so loudly and so freely, that surely whatever had gotten to this deer before her was scared off if it was still around. Whether that be man or beast, she sounded like a tornado siren, and if the leaves were plump and green, and there was no snow on the ground, then every bird and critter of the woods would have run and ducked for cover at the cry of this new predator. 

That’s what she was now, wasn’t it? A predator- a beast herself? That was how she felt, practically trapped in her own skin, wanting desperately to claw it off and shed the costume of the little girl she was so sure that she was. Because if she kept being her- if she kept being Llulah Craft, then she’d be living a lie. She hated to lie, even if she’d been doing it for days now, to the point where it was beginning to feel effortless. 

Yet another realization that furthered her sobs. 

She doubled over as if in pain, and found her face buried in the soft fur of the deer, the smell overtaking every aspect of her thoughts. Instantly her wails died down into sniffles as she buried her nose deeper into the hide of the deer’s back, fur tickling at her nostrils and making her giggle of all things. 

It was unnerving to laugh so soon after crying, but it wasn’t as if she could help it. She couldn’t help any of this. 

Despite her lament only moments ago, once the full scent of carrion wafted through her nose and open mouth, her pupils blew wide like saucers, and the drool she had tried to wipe away began to bubble in the corners of her lips, which she licked, catching chapped skin on her tongue. Her vision was nothing but the remnants of her tears and plush brown stained red, which made her stomach growl and rumble more than it had been in days, months, even years. 

There was a full course meal right before her eyes, and the hunger was becoming insatiable. 

What other word was there to describe the soft meat that brushed against her two front teeth? She paid no mind to the fur as her jaw unhinged as far as it could go, her nose now deep in the plush white underbelly. Her teeth hovered just above the ribs and-

Llulah had been right. 

It was just like tearing into any other meat. 

As she closed her eyes and tore the meat from the bone strip by strip using nothing but her teeth and bare hands, she could easily picture an entire roast turkey dinner laid out in front of her. She could see the steam coming off of the dark and white meat, and the blood, well, that was just gravy, wasn’t it? It was warm gravy that traveled down her throat, making each chunk of flesh go down easier. 

Even when bone clattered against her two front teeth, she continued to tear the deer beneath her to shreds, lost in a wild, feverish fantasy where she was tearing into a holiday feast, surrounded by her family who was doing the same. Everyone had their own hunk of meat that they were eating like a wild animal, knives and forks having been forgotten on the sidelines in favor of nails and fingers. 

Finally, when the hunks of raw, uncooked meat had settled in her stomach, and her throat no longer sore from being parched, she leaned back, and licked her lips. Blood smeared around her face, and as she began to lick it from her fingers and palms, she found that it was even sweeter than the meat- like ice cream. Forget gravy being paired with the meal- this was a meal all on its own! 

She cupped her hands into a bowl, and scooped up a pile of the snow, now stained cherry red. Once again, she could lose herself in her imagination as her tongue lapped against the cold, chilly treat- she could trick herself into thinking it was a snow cone. The kind she could get from a carnival or an ice cream truck. 

As she slurped it down in massive gulps, barely giving herself time to breathe, she was overcome by the sweetness that coated her tongue, and wondered why the heck it had taken her so long to begin her frenzy in the first place. There should have been no hesitation, because when all of her thoughts had quieted down for the first time in what felt like an eternity, she was left with a feeling of bliss- a belly full of food, and a flood of warmth spreading throughout her still heart. 

The word might have died on her tongue before she could utter it, but as she finished her feast, and laid down in the snow for what should be a quick nap- only a few minutes! She’d wake up soon! - any poor soul who stumbled across the scene would have no choice but to say it for themselves. 

She was longer human. 

She was a vampire.