Chapter Text
[🥒] STOP ASKING TO SEE MY “CUCUMBER”
For the final time, I picked this username as a joke and I thought I’d be able to change it later! I can’t make a new account because I’ve bought all the limited time chapters here and they can’t be transferred!
[💌] Peerless Cucumber, can we honestly e-date? You're… [see more]
[🎲] wow, that is incredibly fucked up. You don’t deserve this kind of harassment. Don’t worry cucumber bro, i’ve got your back. Send me your dickpics and i’ll keep them safe for you
[🎨] speech 100
[👓] bro was sent down the luo rizzver when he was a baby
[🎮] so like.. Is it big or nah
[🎀] it just says peerless, not big. Maybe it’s peerless in the way it’s the smallest in the world
[🥒] Setting boundaries with someone with trauma?
I have someone staying with me, unsure for how long, but I’m trying to figure out how to set boundaries without being too dominating. He has a lot of trauma and tends to get easily angry, but I really have to be firm because he keeps flirting with me to make me mad.
[💌] Peerless Cucumber, can we honestly e-date? You're… [see more]
[🌶] how are you always first to these posts
[💌] ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will
[🌶] omg now here's a throwback
[🎲] FIVE PEECWMT PLEASURE
[🌶] FIVE PERCENT PAIN
[💌] AND A HUNDRED PERCENT REASON TO REMEMBER THE NAME !! 🗣🗣🗣
[🦷] oh i don’t think he’ll complain about you being “too dominating”
[👓] your.. “roommate” who is living with you FOR FREE keeps flirting with you I… I have no words
[🎀] peerless cucumber at his own wedding: this guy's dressed up in red and bowing to me in order to make me mad !!
[🥒] My roommate bit me, do I need to seek medical care?
He doesn't have any diseases or illnesses, and my wound is already closing. I’ve sprayed the area with alcohol, but is that enough? Can I get tetanus or something?
[💌] Peerless Cucumber, can we honestly e-date? You're… [see more]
[🐳] every single time, like clockwork
[👓] hope you and PC get married and have lots of kids one day, copypasta bro
[💌] thank you ..
[🎲] BABE WAKE UP PEERLESS CUCUMBER POSTED
[🚀] sorry how can you be so sure he has no illnesses?
[🥒] He’s vaccinated against everything.
[👓] ..what?
[🚀] need to hear more about this magical vaccine that prevents any health issues possible
[💣] immune to all illnesses?? Bro are you having delusions that Luo binghe is your roommate now
[🥒] Can you all please stop bringing PIDW up on every post I make? This is my personal account! I don't know why you have all decided it's so funny to follow me around different social medias, but it's really getting old!
[🎲] ……. I'm very concerned because at no point did he deny he was talking about lbh
[🦷] @peerlesscucumber are you going to beat the allegations?
[🦷] WHY DID HE STOP REPLYING
[🎨] everyone us talking about the no disease thing and just casually glossing over a grown man biting him
[🎀] whenever a post from peerless cucumber has “my roomate” in it, you're gonna hear the most batshit insane thing possible ans we've all accepted this
[🥒] Stop asking about the book.
Some of you will remember I once made a post titled ‘How would you, hypothetically, explain the concept of electricity to a 200 year old xianxia emperor from a magical land?’ In the comments I said I was asking because I’m writing a book about a reverse transmigrator. Stop asking when it’s coming out, it’s never coming out.
[💌] Peerless Cucumber, can we honestly e-date? You're… [see more]
[🎮] how has cucumber bro not blocked you yet
[💌] he has . 7 times. That’s why my usernames cucumberloveralways8
[👓] are you joking i genuinely can’t tell
[🥒] Blocking him doesn’t work, I just try to ignore him now.
[💌] OMG PEERLESS CUCUMBER HI. CAN WE EDATE YOU’RE SO… [see more]
[💣] the self insert fanfic has been cancelled .. can someone update the wiki I'm too lazy rn
[🥒] The what.
[🦷] did you guys not tell him about the wiki... 💀
[🥒] I swear to God, if I look up peerless cucumber and find out you assholes made a FANDOM WIKI OF ME…
[🌶] ……. 💀💀💀
[🥒] I HATE YOU ALL.
[DISCUSSION] What made you follow peerless cucumber?
Both PIDW and non-PIDW answers are welcome.
[🎲] i used to hate read proud immortal demon way and my favourite part would always be getting to the end of the chapter and seeing someone write out all my thoughts in the funniest and meanest way possible. Even after i lost interest i stuck around for cucumber bro. I stopped reading around chapter 200 but now when i log on and see him super mad about whatever shitshow airplane has come up with now, it’s like im microdosing on pure hatred for pidw. It’s great
[🎨] You managed to escape.. God i wish that was me
[🐳] I've never read pidw but I followed him bc his comments are so fucking funny so sometimes I'll see a 4k word post about some shit like “discussing the allegories in the cat girl pussy magic arc” and I'm like hey cool . What the fuck is proud Immortal Demon Way about.
[🎨] it’s basically just trauma porn on trauma porn on trauma porn. The main character is a poor orphan (fucking cliche ass cultivation start already) and then his adoptive mother immediately dies. he gets into a cultivation sect just to get abused. At that point i fucking guess the writer went “hey this isnt enough needless trauma” and the protagonist fell into HELL. it’s literally just “bad things happen to mc all the time but hes fine somehow” over and over again
[🚀] careful dude, i might think you’re coming for cucumber’s place as no 1 anti fan
[🎀] @franchou hey, it’s not all trauma porn. A lot of it is also just regular porn.
[💌] okay so you guys might not believe this but this is actually insane and true.
i used to write pidw fanfiction and peerless cucumber would comment on every chapter telling me i was the only person who characterized lbh right and didnt make everything horny and etc etc you guys alread know. But i had to stop writing for a few weeks bc of work. So i come home one day, completely exhausted, and see a comment in my inbox from him asking why i havent updated in so long. I kind of snapped and trauma dumped on pc about my health issues and how they put me in debt and how i was working two jobs at the time and struggling to pay rent and stuff.
So friday comes along, i got my paycheck and i go to the bank and im about to cry bc the minimum loan repayment is about 90% of what i made. I tell the man i'm here to pay my loan and he looks up my account and goes “oh your loan is paid off, congrats!”
PLEASE understand at this point i’d paid off like.. Maybe 5% of it. I go sorry i must not have given you the right account info i repeat everything and he goes no this is definitely your account. He turns the screen around and there’s my full name, my phone number, my address, everything. It’s definitely my account but it says i have no loan. I’m so confused but im like okay i tried so if they call about me not paying later i can say theyre the ones who messed up. I go home and open my banking app and see there was a deposit in my account that paid off my entire loan. And the depost was made ONE HOUR after I replied to pc’s comment.
I have never posted my banking information or even my name. I replied to his comment asking if it was him but he didn’t answer. I contacted my bank and asked what was going on bc i didn’t want to be involved in anything shady, and was kind of scared about people being able to just access my account. They just checked and two days later said they followed up and everything is legit. When i started writing again peerless cucumber just said “good to see you back” and continued commenting like nothing was wrong. Like i know it’s insane and i have no evidence it was him. But i seriously can’t think of any other explanation.
[💣] alex i’ll take things that happened for 400
[🎮] yeah cuz i know if my loans all magically got paid off i’d go to the bank and tell them they made a mistake
[💌] proof: bank receipt and emails to the bank
[🎮] ..… what the fuck
[💣] HUH??????
[🐳] uh.. And you said you didnt tell him where to find you? Am i the only one who finds this kind of terrigying
[🎀] I’m sorry are you telling me peerless cucumber is some sort of omniscient guardian angel of PIDW content creators because… that honestly tracks
[🍁] would now be a good time to mention he commissioned me to draw lbh and paid half my rent . before anyone asks, proof
[🐳] how much is your rent exactly..?
[🍁] I LIVE IN SHENZHEN
[🐳] HOLY SHIT
[🎀] i need to know what you drew that was worth that much money
[🍁] binghes cock.
[🎀] of course .
[DISCUSSION] Do you believe peerless cucumber is a real person? Why or why not?
[👓] several people have said theyve received large amounts of funding so either theyre real or just a rich loser with too much time on their hands
[🚀] all those stories could be his own side accounts idk
[👓] so hes not real and anyone who says otherwise is also not real? What the hell is this, a witch trial?
[🎮] hater trial
[🍁] what happens when you pass the hater trial
[🎮] i diagnose you with hater
[🎀] no need i was assigned hater at birth
[🏛] I'm doing my thesis on Peerless Cucumber and their account is most definitely a social commentary project.
First of all, I will say whoever (or whatever group) is running the PC account has done a fantastic job creating this persona. The PC account has several years worth of posts, and not once have I managed to find any personal information given that has contradicted any other statements.
Now onto the main part: Peerless Cucumber is clearly of leftist/socialist ideology. There is so much to unpack regarding his views of women's issues, representation, and ethics. Personally I'm going to focus on PC's relationship with gender roles and sexuality. The “Luo Binghe won't fuck you” gag is familiar with all of PC's followers, but it truly goes much deeper than that.
I believe one of the MANY political statements this account is making is that activism can, ironically enough, cause minorities to suppress themselves. Look at these posts and how PC speaks about women. He insists he's straight but dislikes straight porn, insisting it's because a feminist wouldn't sexualize women. Other times he uses progressive language to downplay his love for other men.
It's endlessly fascinating and has a great point. When we say “it's not gay to say a man is beautiful” as PC often does, are we throwing actual gay people under the bus? Where is the line between fighting toxic masculinity and erasing men who really are attracted to other men?
My thesis is incomplete, but if anyone wants to read 40 pages here's what I have.
Edit: oh my God, thank you all for reminding me how could I forget. Peerless Cucumber reads BL and claims it is solely for connecting to his sister’s hobbies. Yet another… [see more]
[🥒] WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I'M JUST STRAIGHT. AND I’M REAL?? WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS.
[🎀] LMFAOAOO WHO TOLD HIM ABOUT THIS POST
[🐳] im actually fucking crying imagine he's just a normal dude and someone comments an essay about how he’s not real
[💣] not even an essay, a COLLEGE THESIS. that's like an essay on crack
[ 🥒 ] The gay jokes are unfunny and homophobic.
I understand most of you know from Proud Immortal Demon Way, and I really can’t expect a shitshow novel like that to have an audience of considerate people, but come on. It’s the 21st century. We’re past the need to call people gay as a joke or as an insult to feminist men.
[🎨] wait @dommy98 was kinda cooking about the whole “uses progressive language to suppress his sexuality” thing bc even now peerless cucumber is saying we should not call him gay bc he’s a ~feminist ~ but literally no one said anything about feminism
[🏛] SEE??
[🎨] we aren't calling you gay because you're a feminist bro. We're valling you gay because you wrote an 18 paragraph post about Luo Binghe’s cock and the most horny thing you've ever said about a woman is “I want to know what Liu mingyan looks like under her veil”
[🥒] So just because I don't sexualize women, I'm gay.
[🎨] YES. BECAUSE STRAIGHT MEN LIKE WOMEN SEXUALLY.
[🎨] wait wtf was I first.. where is the copypasta guy
[🐳] HE IS NOT COPYPASTA GUY HE IS CUCUMBERLOVERALWAYS8 PUT SOME RESPECT ON HIS NAME!! but yeah fr where is he
[💌] IM HERE FUCK i toook a nap . there goes my streak i’ve been the first comment for the last 7 months
[🎀] damn bro you really blew your chances … peerless cucumber said he’d have sex with you if you were the first comment just one more time
[💌] oh go fuck yourself
[🥒] Deleting this account.
As you can see I haven’t posted in a long time. I got married, started going out more, became healthier, etc. Just basically stopped being so online and fell in love with my husband and stuff. It was a pleasure ripping PIDW to shreds with you all, but I think it’s time for me to grow up. I don’t need this account anymore, so I’ll be deleting it soon.
[💌] MARRIED?? WHAT THE FUCK I MISSED ONE POST.
[🦷] HELPPP . You snooze you lose bozo 😪
[🐳] stay strong edate copypasta bro..
[💌] crying livestream in 5 minutes.
[🎲] NOOO MODERN DAY BURNING OF ALEXANDRIA
[🎮] fr can’t have shit in detroit
[🎀] youre in detroit??
[🎮] it’s a meme you idiot
[🎀] why the fuck would i know a meme about detroit you dumb bitch
[🎲] gee i wonder why peerless cucumber would want to be rid of these lovely people
[🍁] The very last post before this was how you’re not gay and you come back with a husband. I need to sit down
[🚀] This implies that pc either did a full 180 within a month OR he was dating a man the whole time and insisting he was straight during their courtship
[🎮] you just say ‘courtship’??? Someone come pick up your ye olde jester
[🚀] BITCH??
[🦷] @peerlesscucumber Why do you think you want to leave? Who told you to do that? You’re smarter than this, don’t make foolish decisions. You’ve been fine until now, so why are you suddenly acting up? If you really love me, if you EVER loved me, you’ll stay. You’re being so selfish. Do you want to hurt me like this? Just throw away everything we have? Come on, you’re deleting your entire account over a few jokes? Everyone else in the comments will agree you’re overreacting. What you’re doing is just crazy. The real problem isn’t your account, you’re being insecure and lashing out, okay? This is why you need us to tell you when you’re being stupid. How about you sleep on it and think it over some more and you’ll realize this isn’t a good idea.
[🎨] what villain arc did i just witness dawg
[🦷] i googled “things gaslighters say when being broken up with” and thought this would help
[🥒] It did not. Good effort, but my husband is a hundred times more manipulative so I’ve grown relatively immune.
[🍁] @peerlesscucmber why did you say that like its a flex kjsafhdkfd
[👓] this is my Roman empire.
[🎀] peerless cucumber deleting his account.. an omen of the end times fr
[💣] No fucking way peerless cucumber got a husband before we got gta 6
[🌶] screaming crying throwing up banging my head against a wall driving my car thru… [see more]
[🐳] hey i know everyone’s joking around rn but honestly thank you for providing us with so much entertainment over the years, whether willingly or not. We’re gonna miss you
[🦷] well yeah that goes without saying. hes the goat
[🎲] cucumber bro is literally the best thing about pidw
[🎀] sometimes i just go through his account like the daily paper and smile and honestly i’m going to really miss that
[🏛] don’t worry i’m gonna archive all his posts it’s just.. There’s a LOT so hopefully he’ll give us a few days
[🥒] …Do you all really care that much?
[👓] Dude your posts are like the best part of my day . inknow thats pathetic but whatever.
[🥒] I never realized how many of you cared about this account. If you all mean it then, I guess deleting it isn’t really necessary…
[🎨] FR?
[🥒] Yeah.
[🎀] OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO CRY
[🎲] DON’T SCARE US LIKE THAT BRO..
[🚀] i’m so emotionally exhausted after reading this post man my knees almost gave out from relief
[💣] is cucumberloveralways8 still crying on stream
[🎀] no one tell him this is so funny
[🥒] LAST POST HOLY SHIT
TO THE PERSON WHO CHANGED MY STATUS ON THE WIKI TO “MARRIED, HUSBAND: FICTIONAL.” SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU.
[This account has been deleted.]