Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shopping was perhaps the worst part of the week. Summer had just arrived on the planet and the heat had always been unbearable, so being five months pregnant, everything had worsened from 1 to 100. Especially the sweat under my breasts and the belly that was terribly enormous for my current situation. The only positive part was that occasionally some neighbor would recognize me to help, but that wasn’t one of those lucky days.

I continued to walk through the market, armed with bags full of groceries. There wasn’t much left, but I had to get at least the fruit before heading home. The streets were full of all kinds of people and aliens, the stalls in full swing, yet something was off.
It was a feeling... that I hadn't felt in months, as if the Force was around me. But not the usual hum of life around me, or... the presence of someone familiar, just a powerful force lurking.
I tried to look around but saw nothing suspicious or resembling a Jedi or a Sith. I sighed before continuing my walk to the end of the street where the fruit stall was. Fortunately, the Twi'lek there knew me well and ran over to take my bags and place them on the counter. "What were you thinking? Here alone, you need a hand" I laughed slightly, following her at a slower pace. "Yeah well, as a single mother, it’s difficult, don't worry, I'll grab the last things and head home," I slowly touched my stomach, looking around. "The usual?" She asked kindly, to which I nodded, continuing to look around for new things. "Do you have something sweeter than the usual purple fruit with the unpronounceable name?" I said with a sly smile. "Unfortunately not, rather, do you want my husband to accompany you home? These are really a lot of bags" she replied, but I shook my head before taking the wallet from my bag and leaving the credits on the counter. "Don't worry, it’s not far and—" "And we will help her," said a male voice behind me.
It was like a flash of realization, behind me, strong and clear, I could feel the Force pulsing alive, after months of being shut off from it. I turned sharply and in front of me, two men in Jedi uniforms smiled kindly. My breath caught in my throat; it was impossible for them to know me, and I certainly didn't recognize them, but it was obvious they were here for me. And not just to help a poor pregnant woman.
"Excuse me, I..." but the taller of the two with dark skin took the bags the Twi'lek had handed him, full of groceries. "Wait..." "Don't complain, Sabrina, you're lucky to have two Jedi helping you, now go home and rest" she interrupted with a smile while I stood bewildered at the counter. "It's okay, Miss Sabrina, we'll accompany you home" said the other, offering me an arm which I reluctantly took. I certainly couldn’t make a scene in the store, or all the cover I had built would be blown, and in this condition hiding again might be impossible.

We walked out of the store slowly; despite the tension, I couldn’t deny that support was useful after all the walking I had done today. "So? Do you intend to introduce yourselves?" I said looking ahead, keeping my face stoic. The older man nodded before indicating himself. "You're right, we were rude. I am Master Sol, and this is Knight Yord, we apologize for the sudden intrusion, but we have been looking for you." I glanced at him sideways; the name Sol was familiar, although it could mean anything. "I am Sabrina. But let’s be honest, you're not here to help random passers by; we're on a distant planet in the Outer Rim, the Jedi have no supervision here, are you perhaps on vacation?" I said with a tight smile, allowing myself a nervous joke. Maybe I was too hasty with the questions, but I preferred to be the one asking rather than answering them. The two laughed briefly as we continued towards home; at this point, acting suspiciously would be worse. It wasn’t as if I could run very far; it was obvious the two were not mere padawans or inexperienced. "Actually, we're here for you. Or rather, we believe you know someone we're looking for" Sol said, still with a gentle smile. I looked at him confused, but my heart began to beat fast in my chest. I wanted to stay calm, afraid the two could sense my mood change, but the terror that my worst nightmare would come true clouded my rationality. There could be many possibilities, or just one, maybe being caught now would be better.

I freed myself from his grasp, pulling out the keys in front of the apartment building where I lived, searching for the door card. "Oh yeah? And who? I guess you have a name" the card activated, opening the glass doors. I gently touched my belly to hide the trembling of my hands. Neighbors came out right at that moment, an elderly couple who greeted me kindly. "Oh dear, you went shopping alone? Fortunately, you met these kind gentlemen to help you, you shouldn’t strain yourself in your condition." I could only smile at their concern. The affection people had shown me here since they found out I was a single mother was constant, help, advice, an atmosphere I had rarely encountered in my life and which had truly made me fall in love with this place. "I know, but it was really an emergency, I swear I'll ask for help next time" I replied, nodding slightly at other kind admonitions before waving goodbye and continuing to my apartment. Reaching the elevator with the two Jedi silently following me until then. "You have a warm neighborhood" said Sol as we went up to the fourth floor. I nodded, glancing at them behind me when the doors opened, and we walked into the hallway. "Yes, they’ve all been kind since I arrived, I’ve been lucky. Anyway, you were saying..." finally in front of the door, I took the right key from my pocket, but just as I was about to continue, the other young man spoke for the first time, interrupting me. "Does the name Qimir mean anything to you?"

It was like a bucket of cold water in the face. Of course. Obviously, they were looking for him. How could I have even hoped it was something else? Everything had been too quiet; it was obvious it wouldn’t stop without me, but now... there were Jedi knocking at my door. Asking if I knew him. So maybe all was not yet lost. "Sabrina? Did you hear what we said?" I turned to realize the two were looking at me, confused and a bit worried. Sol was staring at me intensely; it was obvious he understood that I knew something, I had lost awareness of my surroundings for a few seconds. "Yes, I'm just... very tired" I replied in a lower voice than I wanted. I turned to the door to open the lock, my hands visibly trembling, and they noticed it too. I tried to reach for the lock, but Sol's gentle hand took the card from me and opened the door. "Here, let's go in, you need to sit down."

The first lights of sunset were starting to enter through the window I had left open. The apartment was in shadow thanks to the sunshade of the windows, leaving the place mostly in the dark. I walked slowly into the living room, Sol at my side, concern written on his face. I turned to Yord, who still held the shopping bags, and looked around confused for a few seconds. Qimir's name echoed in my chest, choking my throat. "Can I..." but he seemed to understand immediately, shaking his head as he placed the bags on the kitchen counter. "I'll put away the groceries."

I stood there like an unsure idiot, unsure of what to say or do, as Yord opened my fridge in silence while emptying the bags. Sol's gentle but firm touch pushed me onto the sofa, where several pillows were positioned to help me sit comfortably and get up alone. I was gently pushed onto them, my tense body melting into the soft material, my feet on fire, but the worst was still in my chest, where my breath struggled to pass through as I kept myself contracted and tense. "We know you were... friends, I guess." He began rummaging through his clothes before pulling out an old printed photograph.

I recognized it immediately, the same tear at the corner, the slight stain of spilled coffee at the base, and in the image, me... and Qimir. I remember the day we took it; we had the hologram, but it was inconvenient to carry, so we had it printed, two identical ones to always carry with us on missions, both smiling while his arm warmly circled my waist, my head on his shoulder, my gaze happy... almost... in love. Ironic that I realized it when I had already made the most drastic decision. Qimir, however, always had that smile, the one of someone who knows too much and doesn't want to tell you out of spite. I hated his insolence when I first met him, but over time I got used to it as he got used to my ironic comments. We loved teasing each other; at first glance, we looked like two insolent kids... two lovers taking a photo. "Please, Sabrina. We need your help. This man... has committed unspeakable actions. The Order has been searching for him for years, and now more than ever, we need a hand," but I could only continue to look at that photo. I already knew everything. Of course, I knew.
"Where did you get it?" I said, keeping a more steady tone. Sure, I had left, but I wouldn’t betray him. Especially not to the Jedi. I was good at lying, but I needed to play this better; they definitely wouldn’t leave without answers, and they knew I had them. I took the photo and held it in my hands. I still had mine, hidden in the same box where I had placed the few things I hadn’t had the courage to throw away. "We managed to bring him out into the open after months of intensive searches. When he escaped, we searched through his things and the only thing that linked him to someone or something was this photo." Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I knew he hadn’t been caught or that he was on my trail, though I couldn’t be sure about the latter. Keeping our photo wasn’t typical behavior for him towards things that pissed him off. I took for granted that he wasn’t happy about my disappearance.
"I... I can't tell you much, I haven't seen him in months, I cut off all contact... and before you ask, I have no idea where he might be, disappearing without a word was his hobby." I had to choose my words carefully, say half-truths that would seem plausible without exposing myself... or us too much. "But in the photo you look close" continued Yord, walking near the couch, the groceries neatly stored on the shelves. I let out a sigh mixed with a smile. "Oh yes. Something like that, but we've always been two solitary souls, we needed our own space, so we had our secrets" I sighed before casually dropping the photo on the wooden table in front of me. "Honestly, I wouldn't know how to help you find him and I'd prefer to stay as far away from him as possible." Sol beside me adjusted his seat before giving a reassuring smile. "Anything about him would be helpful. I also want to understand your relationship more... if you think you're in danger, you can tell us, we can protect you." I gripped the fabric of my dress to distract myself from the laugh threatening to escape my throat. "The fact that you are here is already a problem for me. For all I know, he might have followed you. Qimir is many things, but he’s not an idiot." I sighed before starting to get up slowly. Yord at my side leaned in to give me a hand, but I ignored him, placing a foot on the edge of the table to try and unlace my shoes, at which point the Jedi bent down again to do it for me. "Wait, there's no need-" "I want to. You look tired, and we're disturbing you, it's the least I can do." I looked at him a bit irritated, the kindness of the Jedi had always seemed insincere to me, so good it felt fake. But I let him do it, it’s not every day you have a Jedi kneeling in front of you of his own will, and I couldn't deny it amused me terribly. "Anyway, Qimir and I were friends for a long time before..." I considered whether to tell the truth or not, but the months were too precise for me to take such a risk; if they had already asked someone about me, they would realize I was hiding something. "Well, as you can see with your own eyes, before we became something more," I gave a strained smile, indicating my belly. With my feet free of the shoes, Yord standing in front of me looked at me intensely, they had probably already considered that my pregnancy might not be with a casual someone. I walked towards the window, enjoying the twilight sky. "I left as soon as I found out I was expecting. I... I knew what kind of life he led, I imagined he wouldn’t let go just like that, I was afraid of his reaction to everything. To us, to this baby, to what he would do as a result. So I took my things and left." Sol was frowning at my words. Or maybe at the casual way I said them. Too bad. "You knew he was a Sith? About his actions? And you stayed with him anyway?" he asked. "Yes. Well, it’s not like he was very explicit about it, he told me it was his religion, it’s not like I was an expert, he talked about passion and... I don’t know, it seemed normal to me. I’ve met civilians with worse morals" I said honestly at the last part. The two seemed satisfied with my answer so I continued, "Besides, it’s not like I’m some innocent soul. That's how I met him, I was smuggling goods and sometimes we collaborated." Yord gave me an arrogant smile, "and you’re telling us this openly?" I chuckled in response. "I know my rights, kid, we’re outside your jurisdiction and even if accused, you wouldn’t have proof. Who knows, maybe I’ve been doing this job since you became a Jedi." I gave him a smirk which he returned mockingly. For being one of them, he seemed strangely likable.
"In any case. I would kindly ask you to continue this conversation another day, it’s getting late and I’d like to be alone." The two exchanged a look but nodded understandingly, "certainly, maybe we can continue tomorrow?" said Sol as he got up and moved towards the door, followed by the younger one. "Certainly," I replied with a half-smile, following them to the door. At the hallway, they gave a small bow before giving a final goodbye and walking towards the corridor. Reaching the elevator, Yord gave me one last look before smiling and winking at me. Only when I heard the elevator start did I allow myself to release the breath I had been holding until then. Back inside the house, a sense of terror hung in the air.
I was in deep shit.
Fuck.

Chapter Text

The initial idea was to despair, cry, and pack my bags to flee, but none of this made sense. It was like being immobilized in time and space; maybe I had imagined everything, fallen asleep on the couch as I often did, the nightmares that accompanied me had become more fanciful and seemed real, but time was passing, and it was getting dark outside, it was obvious that even nightmares didn't last that long.
I moved in search of something to do, and the desire to eat became strong, so I opted to cook something while I thought about myself, the Jedi, and Qimir... it had been foolish of me to think I could escape. That no one would find me. And this pregnancy was sapping all my strength, if before I had been confident in my survival skills, now I doubted them. It was already a miracle that I could walk five meters without feeling exhausted, fighting was impossible. I had already admitted some of my activities to the Jedi, but it was obvious that as long as the target was Qimir, I would seem almost innocent in their eyes.
Yet... he was still looking for me. I was sure of it. Maybe the fact that the photo was still in the same condition was a sign... negative or positive, I couldn't say.

I finished preparing something for dinner and turned on the holonet, even though I didn't pay much attention to it.
I had to decide what to do, carefully plan all my next moves, the lies, the escape.
I tried to swallow another bite, but a sob stopped me. It had taken me a month to decide what to do with my life, how to escape and live peacefully after everything we had done in these years, and now I had less than twelve hours to come up with anything to do. I couldn't let the Jedi take me away, someone in the Order could recognize me, or recognize my voice, they would feel my signature in the Force, anything could betray me, or worse, they could take my child away once born and throw me in prison, the mere idea terrified me.
Tears fell into the plate as I tried to stifle another sob. At this point, maybe it was better to return to Qimir and ask for his forgiveness, maybe he would refrain from killing me at least while I was pregnant with his child, even though nothing would stop him from killing me afterward. I had betrayed him. I had led him to this, to what he was now, and then I had abandoned him. I had been a fool, I had seen all the signs that the situation was slipping out of my hands and now that I no longer had control, from perpetrator I had become the victim.
I wiped my face with the sleeve of my pajamas before forcing myself to finish the plate, walking around the house like a ghost, someone who had already been condemned to death and had accepted it.
In the bathroom, I changed into something softer and looked at myself in the mirror, I was ashamed of myself, my completely tattooed arms were witnesses of my victories and a black map on the skin that I had decided to form over time to describe my path, yet now they seemed like the whims of a rebellious child. They clashed on the body I had, sure the muscles were still there, it had been too little time to lose them, but my big belly was a huge beacon in the middle. I no longer recognized myself in my skin, I was a symbol of death, but in the mirror, I looked like just a failed mother. The bags under my eyes, the tired look, the condition of my hair, everything, it was terrible. I would never be able to escape from anyone, and at that moment I realized it more than ever.
Reaching the bedroom, I immediately lay down under the covers, the mattress was divine for my back, and despite the anxiety, I fell asleep early anyway.

Opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was a sea of green. I was in a forest in the middle of the night, maybe... a jungle or worse, I had never seen such trees. I jumped up, feeling a piercing cold in my bones, immediately recognizing the presence hiding inside. "Qimir?" I called out with a trembling voice. If I could feel him, he could feel me, it was useless to hide.
"Darling" his voice behind me made me turn quickly, and finally, I saw him. The man I had run away from five months earlier and hoped never to see again, injured, tired, and dirty... our minds had reconnected after I had severed the bond, this shouldn't have been possible.
"My love, you are as beautiful as ever" he addressed me with that gentle smile I had learned to love, even at that moment despite the fear, that look warmed my heart. "Am I perhaps going mad dreaming of you pregnant?"
He approached me, but I didn't have the courage to move, he hadn't noticed that our bond had reformed? Did he think it was a dream? Maybe hiding my presence made me intangible even in the connection, making him believe he was dreaming.
I pressed my lips together before taking a step forward and pushing myself into his arms, I couldn't smell or feel his warmth, but I could imagine it from the vivid memories I still carried. "Qimir..." the words got stuck in my throat, I wanted to say so much, to vent even just the last few hours, but I risked making him understand too much, that something was wrong and if he found out it was really me... and I was pregnant... "I miss you so much, darling. I was so furious when you disappeared, I'm looking for you everywhere. And when I find you..." he squeezed my arms tightly before pulling me away a few centimeters, our faces brushing as his eyes scrutinized me deeply, and I could perceive the anger behind them. "I will punish you for leaving me, my love. And when we have solved this problem, we will continue our plan, you will be proud of me, when you discover how much I have done in these months" my heart pounded in my chest, here was that side of him that terrified me, I tried to free myself, but he squeezed my arms even tighter. "But look at you, trying to run away from me even in my dreams" the smile he gave me was terrifying, the kind of grin he used when facing an enemy, the one he had started to use on me when... "Qimir you're hurting me-" I gasped, feeling trapped, this was too much, if he realized I was more tangible than usual... I had to wake up.
He instead pulled me back against his chest before kissing me forcefully, the touch of his lips on mine was familiar, I couldn't help but let out a moan at the gesture, despite my reluctance, my body desired him more than my mind. "When I find you, maybe I should really make you pregnant, we would be a nice family, the sweet mother of my children" he whispered on my lips, I squirmed even more and luckily as soon as I freed myself from his grip, I woke up.

Outside, the first lights of dawn were peeking into the room, my heart was racing, getting up quickly, a pain in my arms made me hiss. Despite the numerous black tattoos covering my arms, bruises could be seen on the skin, the marks of Qimir's fingers that had managed to mark me even galaxies away, almost proving he was becoming stronger in the Force.
I stood up and took a quick shower, by then I was too scared to fall asleep again, I put on comfortable clothes and went to make myself something for breakfast.

It was only after eating that I felt the need to check my things. In the bedroom, hidden in a hole I had created in the closet, a box held the few personal items I had brought with me. Opening it, everything was as I had left it, my rolled-up clothes, my photo of me and Qimir along with others from my childhood, and my lightsaber. I looked at everything for a few minutes, the idea was to also put the photo of Qimir among these, but I didn't want the Jedi to request it and find me with my hands on it. Yet the idea of letting go of this memory to them burned my stomach even more than the fear of getting caught.
I put everything back, walking around with a lightsaber wasn't a smart move now, I had to convince the Jedi to leave me alone quickly, despite not liking the idea, if they were after Qimir, he was too busy fighting them to look for me, and maybe I had more time to find an even more distant place to hide.

It was around eight that someone knocked at my door, I took a deep breath before opening it, expecting to see the two Jedi, but in front of me was Yord. Alone. "Hey... did you come to continue the conversation from yesterday? Where's Sol?" I said, quickly looking down the hallway. "Hey good morning, no I... wanted to see how you were doing. Yesterday we stressed you out a lot, and I wanted to make sure you were okay" *or that you hadn't run away*, but I kept the thought to myself.
"I'm fine, I went to bed a bit late, but I've had worse hours" I tried to joke, showing him a smile, but it was obvious he wasn't convinced by my act. "Yeah, well if it makes you feel better, we're making sure no one suspicious followed us," I moved aside to let him in and realized he had a bag with him.
He sat at the counter before pulling out several paper bags, the smell of sugar was unmistakable. "I brought some things to apologize for my presence at this hour, you need to rest, and I was afraid you were still sleeping" Approaching the counter, I could see the various sweets he had chosen, among the different creams and pastries. "I don't know what you like, so I practically took every kind of sweet, and... and maybe you like salty food" he said as if struck by lightning. "Sorry, I didn't think of that—" but he stopped when he heard my laugh. "It's all okay, Yord. I like sweets" I said, reaching him and sitting on the chair opposite his. "You really didn't have to—" "But I wanted to" he interrupted immediately before giving me a small smile.

For a moment, it seemed like I was seeing Qimir again, yet despite the same mischief in his eyes, it was evident that Yord didn't have the same dark side; his smile was genuinely playful.

He took the cutlery and juice as if he was already accustomed to the kitchen, which made me giggle again. "You move around my kitchen better than I do" he replied with a smile before sitting down, the sweets in front of us ready to be eaten. "Well, I struggled yesterday to figure out where to put some things, so I actually opened the cupboards a million times." I laughed again while taking the first bite of cake. I had just had breakfast, but whether it was the pregnancy or the nerves, I was more than ready to eat everything he had brought.

"So..." he began, glancing at me nervously, "if you have something to ask, do it. I already said I would cooperate." I gave him an encouraging smile even though the irritation burned at the back of my throat. "No, actually, I wanted to ask you something more... personal." He waited a few seconds, expecting a negative response, but I was more curious than I wanted to admit and nodded for him to continue. "You and him... Qimir. You know, I met him a couple of times and... he managed to deceive me the first time. We met again a few days ago on a sparsely populated planet. We unmasked him and found him standing in front of us..." I listened in silence, taking in all the information I could passively. Some questions would have been too suspicious and not in line with the story of the love-blind girl I had built around myself. "It's a really bothersome question, but I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. You told us you knew he was a Sith. Even if you didn't know exactly what it meant, being so close to him, you must have seen that... something much worse was hiding beneath the surface, right?" The grimace he gave me was sad, almost pained, and I took a deep breath before answering him.

"As I already told you, I'm not a completely innocent girl. I'm used to meeting more dangerous people even though I've always kept my distance." He responded with a tight smile, "Yes, but you were a thief. Or at most, you smuggled stuff. He... he slaughtered half of our team without blink an eye. He's not just a man with an illegal job. He's a murderer. That's what he does best."

Of course, the truth was complex. I remembered well the first time I met him. Liars recognize each other, and we both knew from the first moment that the other was hiding more than just stolen items.

"At first, I didn't suspect anything. He always told me he did dangerous business, so I took it for granted that he knew how to handle unpleasant situations." I cleared my throat, looking intently at the plate in front of me.
I could feel Yord's eyes on me, and the sensation made me move uncomfortably in my chair. "When he opened up more and more, he confided in me that he had been trained by someone, that he had done much more difficult jobs than he had told me in the past, and that... he had hurt many people." I forced a smile before finally managing to look him in the eyes. "I know it sounds stupid, but words aren't enough to help you imagine actions like these. He had warned me, but I didn't really understand how dangerous he was." I took a sip of juice.

"He made me feel safe. He protected me... I trusted him" I continued, perhaps voicing one of the most sincere statements about what I had experienced and felt for Qimir.

Yord remained silent as he finished one of the slices of cake he had brought, wiped his mouth, and cleared his throat. "I’m probably speaking out of turn, as a Jedi, I’ve never been able to form a bond beyond the Order or even think about falling in love" he gave me a forced and slightly embarrassed smile, and I couldn’t help but smile back.

"And if you could? If you found the woman of your life, wouldn’t you leave everything to live a happy life?"

The silence that followed was perhaps the best of the last twenty-four hours. Yord was clearly uncomfortable with the question, but from the lost look he gave me, I understood he was seriously thinking about it. "I... I’ve sacrificed a lot to be a Jedi Knight. I was never a good student and... I took the trials several times before passing them" he cleared his throat for a moment, "it would be crazy to leave now that I’ve made it, I have a Padawan and... and..." he glanced at me quickly, his gaze settled on my belly and then returned to his plate. "I don’t know. If someone like Qimir can fall in love and make a woman happy, then maybe it’s worth it."

He gave me a gentle smile, but I couldn’t return it.

Gentle? No, Qimir was many things but not gentle by nature, definitely manipulative. Looking back, perhaps he managed to hurt me more with the kind gestures... which I allowed like a fool.

"He treated you well... right?" Yord’s voice woke me from my thoughts, I realized how he was looking at me, I had taken too long to respond and now there was doubt in his eyes.

Great job, idiot.

"Yes, yes, as I said, he made me feel good. It’s just that he wasn’t ready for a family, let’s say," his gaze became more intense, and the thought that he didn’t believe me lingered in the air.

"Yesterday you told us you were afraid of his reaction. Were you afraid he would react violently?" I hurried to shake my head, "No, no, it’s just that I thought he wouldn’t stop being a smuggler, not even for a child. He just wasn’t ready—" "But you preferred to run away without telling him anything. What were you afraid of then?"

The forced smile I had maintained disappeared completely. I put myself in a corner, again.

"I..." I took a deep breath to buy time, but I was only making things worse, "Sabrina, if there’s anything else you can tell me, do it, if something is bothering you, we’re here for you too."

My heart was pounding in my chest, I felt like a fool, I had managed to survive with worse lies than these, years of anonymity right under everyone’s nose, and now when I was asked something more personal, my brain was turning to mush.

I realized how this story had only reopened a wound that had never healed and perhaps had been bleeding for years.

It was easy to play when you were the predator, and it was fun as the prey, but like this? Caught between two fires you didn’t want to be part of but couldn’t choose between?

There was only one answer.

A half-truth. A half-lie.

Chapter Text

I cleared my throat before carefully deciding what to say to him.
"I wanted to abort." The silence that followed this statement was deafening. It was clear that Yord did not expect it.

"I lied. Qimir always wanted bonds. A family, but I had other plans, I wanted..." I looked at his clothes for a moment, a lump in my throat stopped me from saying something compromising.
"I wanted to earn more, travel the world. When I found out the news, I took my things and left to get rid of it... but... I couldn't do it."
I took a deep breath as my lip started to tremble. "That little time alone made me appreciate-" *that freedom* "that moment of peace from my work. And I realized that I really wanted it."

I took the opportunity to eat another huge piece of cake and gain a few seconds to regain my composure.
"But when I was about to go back... I didn't have the courage to face him."
*A half lie*
*A half-truth*

The urge to get up and lock myself in the bedroom was strong, I felt judged, dirty...

Yord took my hand in his and I looked at him with my heart in my throat.
"It's your life, Sabrina. There's nothing wrong with anything you've done. You followed your heart."
I pressed my lips together holding back a smile, but my heart was pounding, deep down I had hidden from everyone and everything for five months, inventing lies, pretending to be fine to avoid as many questions as possible, after all, how many couples broke up every day in the galaxy? A single mother wanting a new life is common to see.
But I needed to vent. What friends did I have after I decided what to do with my life? I had been traveling from planet to planet for years, then I met Qimir and clung to him with my nails and teeth without realizing that he was much more dangerous than I thought.

What irony. Here. In the house where I had hidden. To be listened to by a Jedi.

"You tell me I did well to follow my heart? Ironic, don't you think?" I said with tearful eyes, but for the first time, my heart felt lighter in my chest.

He gave me a gentle smile, "A Jedi is not denied the possibility of feeling something. Only to... do it in a clear-headed manner."
I raised an eyebrow while continuing to smile. "Oh, really? From what I remember, it was the Sith who talked about love, passion..." "-hate. Fear." He gently squeezed my hand. "The Sith are at war with others and with themselves, Qimir is the proof of that."

The irritation hit me again. "What does a Jedi know about the Sith?" He looked at me confused. "Well, not much, Sol mentioned something to me, but what I saw with my own eyes was enough to understand that they are evil. Without honor. Or code."

I pulled my hand away from his, pretending to adjust my shirt to gain a few inches from him. "If we were to talk about honor, where is it in taking children from their families and putting them in danger?" My tone was neutral, but it was a blatant provocation.

"Well, they aren't forced, it's a choice-" "What choice? Aren't they taken as children? How much do they actually understand the consequence of their choice? Think about it. Maybe somewhere in the galaxy, you have an older sister or brother who has never forgotten you. Who would want to find you but can't. Parents who miss you." There was almost a wheeze in my tone. I was irritated. Was Yord the blind one, or was it only me who saw the problem?

He leaned back in his chair before giving me a nervous smile. "You talk as if you hate the Jedi. I understand your point, but the Order gives you knowledge, peace. It makes you better and teaches you to use the Force, having it means having a responsibility. Especially for those around you."
I mimicked his pose on the chair but with my arms crossed under my chest. "Peace? But if half of your team has been killed. Wasn't it the Order that sent you there?"

At that point, Yord gave me an irritated look. "I would like to remind you that it was your ex who killed them." At that point, the air was tense, and since the move had been made, it was worth throwing out the bait.

"I still haven't been told why, anyway. Now you chase smugglers? I thought that was the police's job." He rolled his eyes in response.
"Technically, we weren't expecting him. We were chasing a suspected Jedi assassin, it was obvious that someone had trained her. And when we were on the verge of arresting her, he showed up too."
The news surprised me, but I didn't let it show. Had he found a acolyte? Had he replaced me? It can't be, he told me he was looking for me... but also that he was continuing the plan.
"Ah... well, that doesn't change the subject" I said, trying to change the point.
"You say you are peacekeepers, but you train children and make them fight like some kind of religious police. They might as well join the army when they're old enough." He sighed before giving me an irritated smile. "As I said, the Order helps teach you to control the Force. Such great power requires discipline." I sighed in response. "I know terrible people without an ounce of power of any kind. It's not discipline that is needed. Sometimes people are just born evil."

The silence that followed wasn't embarrassing, more... tense. Neither of us seemed irritated as much as trying to be understood, and it was obvious that Yord was really thinking about what I had said.
"I don't deny it. But the dark side can corrupt the mind, those who follow this path know what they are getting into and must be stopped." I pressed my lips together slightly before replying quickly. "And what do you know about the dark side?"
He chuckled. "Because you know? Or about the Force in general?"

I exhaled deeply before opening my mouth to respond sharply, but the sound of the doorbell interrupted me. We both turned to the door, and Yord quickly got off the chair.
"It must be Master Sol, I told him I would bring you something for the trouble."

I took advantage of the moment to regain a normal heartbeat, the conversation had degenerated, and I had gotten heated. I couldn't do the same in front of Sol, it was obvious he had much more experience and would notice if I said something compromising or tried to extract some information from him.
I had wasted the opportunity.

Yord opened the door, but on the threshold, Sol was not alone, a young girl of an alien race I didn't recognize was behind him, with fair skin and particular marks on her face, she looked very young. The braid showed her role as a padawan.

"Master Sol... and..." I said, getting up from the chair to join them. "Dear, good morning, I hope you're better after yesterday." I nodded as he affectionately shook my hands with his usual gentle smile.
Then moving aside, he placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. "This is my padawan, Jecki." We shook hands, and she gave me a small bow with her head and a smile. "Nice to meet you and... congratulations" she added, nodding to my belly.
I smiled at her. She reminded me a lot of myself at her age.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Sabrina. How young you are, may I ask how old you are?"
"Sixteen." I gave a light huff. "Really? I would have guessed thirteen, no offense, but you look very young." She shrugged. "I'll take it as a compliment."

"Well, I'd say let's go. If it's not a problem, Sabrina, we were thinking of taking you to our ship where we have some of Qimir's things that we brought here after searching his hideout." I looked at them confused, hideout? Which one of the many? Some surely still had my traces.

"Which one, if I may ask?" I said in the corridor while closing my front door behind me. "Which one? You know he has more than one?" Yord asked behind me, and I mentally slapped myself for the slip.

"Well, as I told you, we smuggled together. We had common places where we hid the goods or rested between one trip and another. Even if he had places where he didn't let me come" I tried to contain the mistake as best as I could, and it seemed to have convinced them.

In the corridor and then in the elevator, the discomfort of being surrounded by so many non-hostile Jedi was strange, bringing back old memories.

"A cave on a mostly uninhabited planet, his apprentice told us about it even though she didn't know much else, never having entered it." I held back the instinct to roll my eyes, she hadn't wasted time blabbering everything. Even if it was possible they had read her mind against her will. Which wouldn't have surprised me in the case.

"No, I've never even heard of it." We left the elevator to start walking along the city streets, people gave us not-so-subtle glances, it wasn't often to see Jedi around here, especially all together, it was obvious they attracted attention, on them as well as on me.
I had to end this story as soon as possible, I had to get out of here as soon as this mess was resolved, I would leave traces of my passage unconditionally now, but it was better to move.

"If I may ask, Sabrina, did you know this apprentice of Qimir? A certain Mae?"

Jecki asked, and I looked at her with a grimace on my face, "Never heard of her" and I was being honest. He must have met her in these months away, it didn't take him long to find another Force-sensitive person ready to join the dark side.
Sure, it was true that more and more members of the order felt discouraged by the council's actions and saw the consequences of these actions with their own eyes, but meeting after leaving the order and recognizing each other was another matter. Also because many preferred to keep a low profile and shut themselves off from the Force or live a life of solitude truly seeking peace.

"Let's hope she wasn't also a lover" I joked, making Yord beside me smile. "The two didn't seem to have that kind of intimacy, believe me, he tried to kill her in that forest." Forest? Perhaps like the one I had seen when I connected in the Force with him. He could still be hiding there, or maybe the Force was projecting the last place he used his power, in any case, for now, they didn't seem to know where he was hiding.

The walk to their ship wasn't particularly long, and luckily I was rested enough not to stress over the city's rocky terrain, which mostly maintained a natural environment rather than being lacquered with metal for those who preferred life on the outskirts, away from the chaos of big cities. The same reason why I decided to come here, both to stay away from big cities where people might recognize me and to be closer to a natural environment but not particularly dangerous.

The ship they arrived on wasn't a new model, in fact, it must have been at least a decade old, I had handled enough parts to recognize these things at a glance and... it brought back many memories.

Inside, the place was tidy but almost felt homey, strange considering who the owners were, I had seen more barren ones. "Nice place" I said casually, sitting around the table in a corner, followed by them. "Thanks, Jecki and I tried to make it more welcoming over time" Sol took a box and placed it on the table in front of me "Here are the items we recovered from his hideout, we hope you can recognize something and maybe give us the location of those places you mentioned. Honestly, you could be accused of several crimes, none we can prove or accuse you of here, but we hope this cooperation can also serve as a plea bargain if you ever want to return to the inner rim, I promise we will remove every trace from the databases. Even though you had a false photo in all recorded crimes"

There was a moment of silence as Sol and I looked each other in the eyes, obviously he had looked for me in the records, fortunately over the years I had changed my last name and put a false photo in the official databases. The best way to stay hidden was to be right under their nose but with some logical discrepancies in between. No one found it strange that I had a fake photo in the various registered documents and then saved, that I myself had placed under minor crimes was the trick. At that point, the Jedi were too arrogant to believe someone was pulling one over on them and saw such actions more as whims than real problems.
Arrogance would be their downfall.

"Well, it wouldn't be bad, even though I still prefer the outskirts" I joked, not showing intimidation. "Anyway, I already said I would cooperate, so it wouldn't change anything for me, even though it would be handy for some transports," I answered.

Opening the box, there weren't many things inside, well placed but at a glance, nothing compromising for me.
Rolled up was one of his robes, which I took after a moment of hesitation, the fabric was familiar under my fingers, my body remembered well the rough sensation, my memories full of soft and warm lights while being pressed against some surface, legs spread and his chest against my back, air struggling to fill my lungs as I begged him to-

"Is everything okay, Sabrina?" It was Jecki's voice that woke me from the flow of thoughts, she was giving me an attentive look, focused as if she was trying to read my mind. "Yes, sorry, it just reminded me of something silly" I grimaced apologetically and placed the robes on the table.

Another thing I found was a small pouch, when I opened it, I recognized some poisonous herbs "Since you smuggled together, we wondered if maybe you had some common contact we could call to lure him into a trap" Sol hypothesized, looking at me intently. I shook my head, "Impossible, contacts go one way only to avoid traps and even if for some reason you found someone in the ring, no one would ever tell you anything. I think you know better than I do that there are different levels of smuggling, Qimir and I always frequented the high end, i know for you our work is just illegal but I can assure you it's not just criminals moving valuable things. And they pay you enough to keep quiet, not to mention the ruined career if it were found out you're a spy. No one would risk a bounty on their head" I also placed the pouch down.

I immediately recognized the piece of stone placed to one side. "Cortosis" I picked it up to give it a confused look "What do you hope to learn from me about this?"

"Qimir had a bracelet and a helmet with this material, we found the cave full of it, so we know where he got it, but maybe you know who forged it for him, it could help us find him," Sol smiled.

"Actually... I made those for him" they all looked confused before signaling me to continue. "Well yes... I've always liked shaping things. Maybe that's how the passion for smuggling was born, rare materials and the ability to mold them, i made the bracelet as a gift, the helmet he asked for" then I slipped a hand under my shirt collar, "And he made me this," i showed a chain around my neck from which hung a piece of the roughly worked metal.

"He wanted to give me a gift, but he wasn't very good, he told me to always keep it for protection... I didn't have the heart to throw it away" I quickly showed the stone before tucking it back under my shirt, showing it was convenient, if they wondered why they couldn't read my mind, I could use it as an indirect excuse.

"Well, this path is also a dead end then. I guess he brought you the material the first time" Yord nodded "It was for a client technically, but he took more because he said it was useful."

"This stuff is useless, I figured it wouldn't lead anywhere," Yord sighed irritably before getting up and pacing the room "We still have the places Sabrina mentioned" Jecki intervened, looking at me.

"Yes well... there's only one problem. I had a map of those places. Hidden in the only hideout we actually used as a secondary home, we didn't record the positions or carry it for safety. It would be hard for me to describe where it is even telling you the planet or the best landing zone" it was useless to lie about it, they knew they existed, saying I didn't remember or couldn't take them there would have been ridiculous.

Sol looked at the others before slowly approaching the table in front of me "I realize we're asking a lot, but could you take us there? It would be so helpful" he said gently, pressing his lips into a tense line.
I looked at my hands, tense, a discomfort beginning to burn my insides again.
"And if he's there?" I asked in a faint voice. But above all, if they had the map, they would ambush him, we often used those hideouts, now more than ever since they knew who he was. I would betray him, I would betray the cause. But what could I do? Say I'd see them tomorrow and disappear? Could I do it? And where would I go anyway? Maybe I should take advantage of the map and get there before Qimir if he hadn't already passed through, sure I risked meeting him there alone or finding nothing and having Jedi hunting me.
But I could take other resources, when I escaped months ago I avoided going there precisely because I imagined it would be the first place he would follow me, but now I could find a clear path and maybe other credits to use to disappear definitively, maybe helped by a bounty hunter...

"We will never let him hurt you" Yord answered with a determined look. But I could only scoff at him, "But you said yourself he slaughtered you. No offense but I have a hard time trusting" he clearly didn't expect my answer and the irritated look from the other two towards Yord made me understand they weren't happy, I can't say if because I knew what had happened or just that he had a big mouth.

"I... need to think about it."

Chapter Text

There was an embarrassed silence for a few minutes before Sol decided to clear his throat.
"I understand the fear, but this time we'll be more prepared, we won't let him even touch you" I looked at him unsure, I didn't know what was worse, if I brought them there and he was there... even hiding my belly, being seen with the Jedi would be a death sentence, or he could speak out of turn and get me arrested while he escaped, the possibilities were endless and each worse than the other.

"Excuse me, I need... to wash my face" my hands trembled as I tried to get up, Yord beside me stood up worried before offering me a hand which I quickly took, with a nod he pointed me to the bathroom and I hurried there.

The door opened automatically and I rushed inside, closing the door behind me, the sterile light illuminating the small room burned my eyes.
When I rubbed them, I realized the problem, unshed tears filled my lashes, the burning sensation I was starting to feel was the familiar one of crying.

I turned off the light and turned on the smaller, dimmer one above the mirror, in the dark I took a few deep breaths, hands resting on the rectangular sink before placing one on my belly and gently rubbing it.
The dark atmosphere calmed my nerves and fortunately, I managed to hold back the tears, turning on the water I washed my face with my still trembling hands, my shadowed reflection in the mirror was terrible, like the night before, it was written on all my features how bad I felt, the almost sickly purple bags under my eyes, the reddened irises, a disaster that seemed only to worsen.

As I took more breaths, I realized there was talking in the background happening a few meters from me, I could hear them discussing even with the door closed, especially Yord who seemed to have a particularly loud tone.

I pressed my ear to the door to better understand what they were talking about.

"I'm just saying we could try another way" the rhythmic sound I heard was probably his nervous footsteps, I could imagine him pacing back and forth nervously. "I don't like doing this either, but it's our best way," Jecki replied calmly. "We can get an approximate direction and go—" "With the risk of being discovered?" Sol interrupted her.

"And if he's really there? Maybe waiting for us. He'll assume we've rummaged through his things and found his partner" Jecki speculated. "Ex-partner" Yord immediately intervened afterward.

There was a few seconds of silence, I could imagine them looking at each other grimly. "He could be waiting for us with traps, or see us coming and escape while we search for the way, in the best-case scenario he'll be there to retrieve the last things before disappearing, we must seize the opportunity while it's available. He was injured the last time we clashed but I doubt it will slow him down, we must keep up" more muffled sounds followed, and some words I didn't quite catch as they continued to speak in a more controlled tone.
"We should at least give her time to process and understand if she wants to—" Yord's tone was irritated, you could hear it a mile away, but again Jecki intervened. "We must act now. We can help calm her nerves, but we need her and now."

I pressed my forehead against the metal door, weakly rubbing my eyes, I took a deep breath.
I had to think clearly, now more than ever I was caught between two fires ready to explode in my face, what was happening to me? What was I doing? How many times had I already said the wrong thing without even realizing it?
Was this farce I was carrying on the problem?
Had I become too weak?
Had these months of calm made me more docile or was it just me wanting to be? After all, it had already happened many years before.

Sure.

It had already happened.

When everything around you is a lie, you adapt to it, believe you are part of it, accept it, and carry on that fairytale.
I was doing it again, I had adapted to that desire that had started growing in my chest.
To be a normal person, a mother, a civilian like everyone else.

But I had never been that.

I had never been a victim.

Even what Qimir did to me. I let him do it, because deep down, it was what I wanted.
To feel loved regardless of the consequences, of how it would present itself and how I would live it.

I knew what I had to do.

I left the bathroom after washing my face again.

Immediately everyone turned to me, so I gave an encouraging smile. "Sorry, I needed a moment to think. I'll do it... I just ask that you keep me informed of the plan, if something goes wrong I want to understand it. Especially to escape the danger if it arises" I announced with a deep breath.

The reactions I received were different, it was obvious that Yord was not happy about it, Jecki nodded impassively, but Sol was clearly happy with my choice.
"Certainly, we'll organize the plan this afternoon and let you know when we've decided" Sol replied. I nodded before taking a few steps forward. "If it's not a problem, I'd like to go home, especially if we have to leave early, maybe put some clothes in a bag, or retrieve my old blaster." The three nodded. "If all goes well, you'll be away from home for a maximum of one day, but it's right to prevent, thank you again" Sol replied with a slight bow that I returned.
"Wait, I'll accompany you" Yord offered me an arm which I took with a smile. "Thank you"

We left the ship at a slower pace, the city was fully awake by now, the streets were full of busy civilians, but they seemed to easily step aside as we passed, whether to help a pregnant woman or for fear of the Jedi I couldn't tell.

"You're not obligated if you don't want to" Yord suddenly said, I looked at him with a small smile on my lips, he was deliberately avoiding my gaze, walking with a rigid posture, eyes fixed ahead of him.
"It's okay Yord. I want to end this story. Maybe for real this time" the only response I received was a snort from his nose, it was a rather amusing reaction despite everything, although I didn't understand the reason, sure Sol and Jecki were also worried, but he seemed on another planet.

"How sweet, you're worried" I intoned teasingly as I slightly squeezed his arm, the muscle contracting under my fingers.

"Of course I am. We are putting a pregnant woman in danger, I know you're not inexperienced, but we're Jedi, we should protect you, not ask you to be on the front line" I exhaled a snort of amusement. "Well, I have my Jedi knight to protect me, don't I?" I gave him a playful smile, but I could clearly see a slight dark blush on his cheeks.

When we reached my building he accompanied me to the door of my apartment where I let go of his arm.
"See you then?" he nodded before crossing his hands behind his back in a rigid posture. "We'll contact you as soon as we're organized, I'd tell you to bring something you need so maybe prepare a bag, but I don't think we'll contact you before evening. So rest" rummaging in his pockets he handed me a small comlink which I put in my pocket.
"See you later"

I closed the door behind me, the comlink left on the kitchen table as I quickly headed to the bedroom.
I had to do things right if I wanted to get out clean, to kriff with the Jedi, Qimir, and this shitty life I had tried to get into, peace had never existed, all the notions that had been taught to me were dictated by hypocrisy, but I had come out of it and I would come out of it this time too.

Rummaging through the closet, I took a loose shirt to put on, took off my shoes for comfort, and quickly tied my hair in a messy bun on my head.
Sure, if he didn't answer... but at that point, I didn't care, I would make another plan and another until I freed myself from the problem.

I sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, the shutters were still down leaving the room dimly lit, I took deep breaths before closing my eyes, hands resting on my legs.

Over the years Qimir and I had developed a direct bond in the force, which had helped us on many occasions, the more time passed the easier it was for us to use it and outside it was almost impossible to perceive us. In recent months Qimir had repeatedly tried to call me through the force, I had closed the bond as soon as I escaped into hyperspace, the first days were a nightmare, he tried to contact me in every way, dozens of times a day, forcefully. It was obvious he was furious, he immediately realized something was wrong, he was more the type to disappear without saying anything, I wasn't. I would have warned him, I would have told him what I had to do, when I would return, anything, I was paranoid by nature and Qimir was a companion, so it seemed logical to tell him everything.

Even when I had to keep a low profile, I found a way to warn him of the problem, that day 5 months earlier, however, was particularly calm, we weren't doing anything special, so when I took my things and left it took him less than 12 hours to realize something was wrong.
The first calls were calm but insistent, when he realized I didn't intend to answer him, he got furious.
It was absurd how, despite being equals, his presence made me uncomfortable. It was a change I hadn't perceived. It took me five months to realize that what was happening was wrong.

And now I had to reactivate the bond.
And talk to him.
The last time he thought it was a dream, and he still managed to hurt me. I couldn't let him terrify me.

I tried several times, taking deep breaths, trying to reach him through the Force, but between the back pain and the nerves, I could barely concentrate.
I needed to relax, to find his familiar signature.

I lay on my side and closed my eyes again. I had to find Qimir, I had to remember his presence. The night before, we had connected in a dream, more out of visceral instinct, probably. I had emptied my mind of him, had forced myself to forget him, but the arrival of the Jedi had awakened everything, and it would have been hypocritical to deny the truth.
I was worried about him.
Where he was, if he was hurt, if he felt lonely... because of me.

My heart tightened in my chest. A tear rolled down my cheek, but I wiped it away with my sleeve. I hugged one of the pillows to my chest, seeking comfort, rubbing my face against the soft fabric.

The truth was that I missed Qimir terribly.
No matter how much I lied to myself, there was a void in my heart that only he had filled. He would have been so happy to know about this child, would have been by my side, worried about my well-being, massaging my back, and cooking my favorite dishes every day.
I loved him.
And he loved me.

But... the dark side of him wasn't just due to what he had gone through. There was something more visceral, possessive, violent... something that he took out on me.
I thought we were on the same page, that we were equals. But he didn't see it the same way.

I tried again, my arms tightening around the pillow. I tried to imagine him there with me, his delicate yet strong scent, reminiscent of a rain-soaked forest, the warmth of his body, the defined muscles, the numerous scars felt under my fingertips, his soft lips on my forehead... and it was then that I felt him.

It was like seeing a house with an open door from afar. He hadn't noticed that I was searching for him, trying to reach him, but he had left the door open, waiting for me.
And that's how I reached him. The darkness behind my closed eyes was soon illuminated by a cold blue light. I rubbed my eyes from the discomfort before realizing I had made it. My physical form had projected through the Force near Qimir.

I immediately recognized the place, the one I had hinted at to the Jedi. I immediately knew I was right. He had returned here, perhaps for the map, perhaps just to hide.
Looking quickly around, I noticed nothing different from usual. In fact, nothing seemed to have changed at all. It was an old stone room we had turned into our bedroom, although at first glance, it looked more like a storage room. Scrolls, books, devices of all kinds were placed in every corner, on the floor, under or on top of furniture. The windows, usually covered with rudimentary curtains we had hung, were now open, showing the night sky outside.

Walking towards the back of the room, I noticed a backpack carelessly placed on the floor, his clothes haphazardly thrown nearby, and then I spotted some bloodstains but ignored them. I knew who he had fought with, and I remembered Sol and Yord talking about an injury.

And finally, there he was, lying on an old double mattress against the wall at the back, pillows and blankets messily strewn on top, surrounding his sleeping body. A small bandage wrapped around his arm, but apart from that, he seemed fine. He had his back to me, sleeping deeply, his hair tousled on the pillow. I wanted to approach him while he was still asleep, to watch him while he was still peaceful, but I couldn't risk it.

So I did what I had come for.

I approached the small table next to the bed where he kept a flask of some foul-smelling drink and began to hit the metal surface with an open hand, once, twice, three times until Qimir woke up, pulled the lightsaber to him, and ignited it in my direction, terribly confused even as he tried to stand.

"I leave you alone for a few months, and this is the result?" I started, approaching the bed with a flat tone.
I had to be confident. I had dressed specifically to hide the curves of my pregnancy. If I showed any hesitation, he would realize I was hiding much more than I was letting on.

The surprise on his face was almost endearing, his eyes wide and still a bit clouded by alcohol. It took him a few seconds of silence to fully register what was happening.
"Sabrina..." he began to get up from the bed, but I stopped him with a gesture of my hand.
"Let's skip the pleasantries. You're in deep shit" He slowly sat back down on the mattress before deactivating the lightsaber, suspicion clear in his gaze.

"What are you doing here? You disappear for months and then come back to do what exactly?" There was acidity in his tone. This wasn't the dream he thought he was having. He didn't know I was really pregnant, and he didn't see me crying or sad. This probably wasn't the kind of reunion he hoped for. It was just me, waking him rudely and treating him with indifference.

"I've come to warn you. The Jedi know where you're hiding and will be here soon" The surprise and then the confusion were clear in his features. He opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him start. "The idiot you were dragging along talked, but I guess you suspected that already. They found... our photo" I added the last part with a frustrated sigh.

"Wait, they found you? Were you captured?" He jumped up, reaching out a hand toward me, but I stepped back a few paces.

"No. I convinced them I was an unaware colleague of yours. But they knew too much, and I had to say some things"

The more details I added, the more confused he seemed. He tilted his head in that cute way I often teased him about, and I held back a smile. It wasn't the right time.

"I'll have to bring them here. We'll probably arrive in less than two days, maybe even sooner. So pack the most important things and hide them on the ship, especially all the Sith artifacts. I don't want those dogs touching or, worse, destroying everything we've recovered..." Without realizing it, I started pacing back and forth in front of him, lost in my thoughts. It was true that many of the things were scattered across the various hideouts we had, but what we wanted to study and analyze, we kept within reach.
Needless to say, between things to do, other... hobbies, and the undeniable laziness of both of us, a lot of things had accumulated here too.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Qimir suddenly grabbed my wrist. I turned quickly, my heart pounding in my chest, mentally cursing myself for letting my guard down so easily. I shouldn't have let him get too close. Yet in his gaze, I read none of the emotions that made my knees tremble. He looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"Are you okay? How did you reach me without getting caught?" I exhaled deeply before yanking my wrist away from his warm hand. I was sure he noticed my accelerated heartbeat, but it wasn't unusual given the situation we were in.

"Yes. I'm... in a hotel I rented. They left me alone to decide a plan. I hoped to contact you after knowing it, but I doubt I'll have time. We need to think carefully about what to do next." I cleared my throat before sighing. "If you just want to leave before they arrive, I understand. But make sure not to leave any traces. I told that Jedi about our map. If they don't find it, you'll have time to hide and heal," I continued, nodding towards his arm. He shrugged in response, making an irritated grimace. "I'm fine. It's nothing."

"And you? They know about us now. Do you really think they'll let you go?" he continued. I gave him a half-arrogant smile. "I was very convincing in my story. They think I'm just a former colleague and lover. They actually want to protect me from you" I said mockingly, but instead of smiling as I hoped, he lost every ounce of lightness he had. The rigid posture of his back and the darkening gaze made my toes numb from how tightly I was keeping them to avoid stepping back.

"A hotel? Is that what you've been doing for five months? Wandering the galaxy doing what? You left without telling me anything, cutting me off from the bond, and now you reappear, warning me about the Jedi" he began to slowly step towards me with a gloomy look. The anxiety gnawed at my stomach, but I had to keep the façade.
Attack was the best defense, after all.

"And you? I leave for a while, and you find an acolyte, get caught by the Order, and then what?" He stopped mid-step, fists clenched at his sides. I could see how tightly he was keeping his arms contracted. It was obvious he was furious, but my words had hit him at least a little.

"I was looking for you. But I didn't want to let the Jedi go. At one point, I even thought they had taken you, that you had run away to keep me safe... but it seems I was wrong" the last sentence was almost growled, as I raised my arm towards him and instinctively grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards me. With my other hand, I grasped the t-shirt he used for sleeping, forcing him to bend down to my eye level.

The unexpected movement left him silent as he looked back at me, confused.

"I feel like I've always been honest with you all these years. I've always told you everything. I've included you in my personal and non-personal life. For once when I needed my own space, you're angry? And how should I feel?" Both of us were short of breath, our gazes hard, too many things left unsaid, or at least, I was hiding everything from him and continued to lie to his face, since we were friends, an unspoken rule was that I was always honest with him, not because he asked me or some code imposed it on me, but because if there was something my past experiences had taught me, keeping secrets only led to disasters.

But this was different. I had to lie.

I pushed him away from me and he didn't resist. "I'm trying to help you in case you hadn't noticed."

Qimir snorted before crossing his arms over his chest. The muscles in his arms bulged with the movement. Had he become even bigger while I was away? I mentally pinched myself at the thought. It was really the wrong time to fantasize about those arms.

"I have no intention of leaving you alone with the Jedi. Maybe you've tricked them for now, but it's obvious they won't let this go so easily. If they decide to report this to the higher-ups, sooner or later someone will recognize you. And you don't know when or how. I'm staying. And I'm taking you with me," I swore I heard his voice grow huskier towards the end, but I ignored the shiver down my spine and cleared my throat.

"I know. But we have to keep up this facade until the end. At least as an emergency plan"

The silence that followed was tense, almost suffocating. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, and swore I saw him lean towards me for a second before dropping his hands to his hips again, probably bitter and disheartened by how this conversation was going.

"I could pretend to kidnap you" he hypothesized. "You said you're playing the victim, right? Tell me what you told them and maybe I could-"

"No. We want them to leave us alone, not to pursue us more aggressively" it was obvious things would only get worse if we pretended a kidnapping. They were bringing me there, pregnant, by that time they would have felt responsible and there would have been chances that they would call the council. "We have to make sure you slip from under their noses. They mustn't realize you knew about their arrival. But... you could hurt me" an idea finally flashed through my mind. "Of course, they don't know about my Force abilities, you have to attack me-" I began to pace the room as a plan formed in my mind. "No, wait, I don't want to hurt you—" "—as if you could" I interrupted with a mocking tone.

Maybe it was the fact that we weren't really in the same room, maybe it was the months apart, but I felt much less uncomfortable now in his presence, and having the upper hand gave me more confidence. Sure, Qimir wasn't stupid, but I had the advantage. And I needed to get rid of him like the Jedi.

"I told them we were engaged and that I ran away when I realized you were dangerous—" he rolled his eyes before making an irritated grimace "—we can pretend I betrayed you, you attack us in anger, I slip inside and reach the ship we have down here. While you fight the Jedi, I'll activate the doors to buy you time. They'll think a droid helped you, and we can leave on two separate ships" I turned towards him with a satisfied expression.

"Sweetheart. I thought we agreed not to play the kidnapping card" he whispered with an ironic smile on his lips as he took a few steps closer. I ignored the affectionate name he called me, not letting him get into my head and distract me with less important things.

"And indeed, we'll take two separate paths. They'll be too worried about chasing you, and in the meantime, I'll cut off all communication. We'll both have time to disappear"

He looked at me irritably before walking away, throwing the lightsaber casually on the bed as he started taking off his shirt. "This plan sucks" he hissed through his teeth as he continued to undress, calling his usual tunic abandoned in a corner with the Force and starting to get dressed.

"Do you have a better idea? I don't think so. And anyway, for all we know, they could come in four or twenty" I snapped irritably, raising my voice. "Do you realize how many things could go to kriff?" he ran his hands through his hair, frustrated, and I sighed in response, irritated. "I know! We'll improvise, as we always do, but it's better than nothing... Where's Sam?" I asked suddenly, looking around.

"I deactivated him, he kept bugging me because you weren't here and was blaming me" I rubbed my eyes once again before turning towards him and pointing my finger at him. "Reactivate my droid, get help, and keep your eyes open. If everything goes well, we'll drop off their radar for a while, and maybe we can shake them off since you decided to get caught" I snapped irritably.

"Sorry, but can't we just ambush them?" he replied, frustrated.

I swallowed bitterly before answering more calmly, "I can't. Not now. We need to get rid of them calmly" I saw him make another grimace, ready to protest, but I interrupted him again.

"Shut up. You created this problem. That's why I'm the master between the two of us. Don't forget that. You have orders. Execute them." My tone was hard. Disappointed. I sounded convincing. Maybe I was venting a different kind of irritation at the moment, but he couldn't imagine that. Fortunately, I struggled to read him just as he struggled with me.

Ours was more of a dance, armed with sharp claws and lightsabers, ready to attack each other for sport or wound each other out of personal pride. I could suffer as much as I wanted for his actions, be afraid of him, but I had no doubt that deep down, Qimir had the same fear of me.

It was a race to see who would break first.
That's why I couldn't allow him to see my weakness.

"Don't get yourself killed."

And with that, I looked at him one last time before severing the bond. Darkness returned, and when I opened my eyes again, I was still in my bedroom, hugging the pillow, as that forest scent faded from my senses.

Chapter Text

The excuse I used for carrying such a large bag was simple: I was a spoiled pregnant woman.

I regretted throwing away all those creams and gifts I had accumulated over the months, but I had used the containers to hide credits and various drives with not-so-legal collections I had gathered over the years. I only took the larger or more comfortable clothes with me, and the lightsaber well hidden at the bottom behind a pile of underwear. I doubted they would dig into the bag, but I couldn’t be too trusting; after all, they were still Jedi. And I was still an ex-criminal in their eyes.

I kept the poncho on to better hide myself underneath, as we were going to a cold, often rainy forest. The excuse of not wanting to reveal the pregnancy to Qimir was also valid; no one would question that.

I wasn’t even surprised that we left that very evening, but not seeing other Jedi made me suspicious. So after having a quick meal together, I casually started a conversation.

“Will others join us directly there? I mean Jedi” the three exchanged glances before Sol cleared his throat.
“We intend to go alone. We believe, based on the information you’ve given us, that it’s best to move in a small, quiet group. We know what we’re facing this time, and we have the element of surprise on our side” I was a bit annoyed by this, mainly because it meant I would have less time to slow them down, but I partly expected it.

“Don’t worry, we’ll always be close to you” Yord nodded decisively, with Jecki beside him smiling at me.
“I trust you” I said, shrugging.

The rest of the dinner passed mostly in silence. They were all tense despite pretending otherwise; occasionally, someone would try to start a conversation, but it would end quickly. There wasn’t much to say, and who could blame them?
Last time, they almost died.
And now they had me to deal with.

The journey wouldn’t last much longer, but I preferred to rest a bit before arriving at our destination. I lay down in one of the bunks in the bedroom, using my bag as an extra pillow out of paranoia to keep it close. I couldn’t rest all day; Qimir’s face kept flashing before my eyes. I thought about everything that could go wrong or how he might trap me. Yes, from his point of view, I was helping him, but it was obvious he didn’t trust me after what I had done.

I had taken extra precautions myself. I managed to contact my droid Sam as soon as it was reactivated through a private channel we kept for emergencies. I ordered it to assist Qimir but remain ready for anything. I didn’t trust telling it everything in case Qimir got his hands on it, but it had always been a loyal little companion. I knew it was on my side no matter what.

I don’t know how long I slept exactly, a hand on my shoulder woke me from slumber.
My first instinct was to reach for the lightsaber under the pillow in a habitual movement, but a moment of clarity was enough to remind me where I was and why.

Yord gave me a half-smile seeing me confused, and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as he helped me sit up against the pillow. “What a knight” I joked as I stifled a yawn, and he grimaced, quickly looking over his shoulder. The door to the room was open, letting the cold corridor lights into the dark room.

“I wanted to give you this” he handed me a small communication device, and I looked at it confused in my hand. Then, with a raised eyebrow, I said “You already gave me one, don’t you remember?” He got up from the bed before placing his hands behind his back, then leaned against the furniture and again moved uncomfortably, not standing still for a second.

“Yes, but this... is private.” I raised an eyebrow, confused, while moving the blankets from my legs and sitting on the mattress. “What...?”

He cleared his throat. “When this is all over, we’ll take you home. And we’ll leave. And... you’ll be alone, if I understood correctly, at least. Forgive me if I assumed wrong—” a sad smile pulled at my lips “No, you’re right. I don’t have family. Friends... at least trusted ones. A life of crime hardly surrounds you with decent people” I joked at the end while standing up. Yord offered me a hand, but I ignored it.
The conversation was making me more uncomfortable than I wanted to admit. I turned my back on him while quickly slipping the communicator into my bag.
I would have to check later that it didn’t have a tracking device.

“Yes, well... if you need someone to talk to... I’m here. And maybe when I’m free, I can come to visit you” I shot him a confused glance over my shoulder before turning to face him.
Only then did I realize how close we were.

The ship wasn’t made for long journeys, and the bedroom was small and rectangular, the bare minimum for resting between destinations, but nothing more. And with Yord in front of the door, we were practically a few centimeters apart from each other. I could see a slight blush on his cheeks as he struggled to look me in the eyes.

It made me feel a bit tender.

“And what do the Jedi think of something like this?” I whispered with a poorly concealed smile. Yord blushed even more and took a deep breath. “The code doesn’t forbid friendships outside the order, and... maybe... I mean... if you want to chat with someone, I’m here” the difficulty with which he tried to finish the sentence was hilarious, but I avoided pointing it out. After all, he was... cute.

I rarely dealt with someone like that, even before my solitary path. My years as a student were very quiet, if not tense. Sure, the results were excellent by the end of my journey, but I regretted how I indirectly isolated myself, and considering what I did with all those years in the end... I wondered if there was anything in life that satisfied me.

That didn’t disappoint me.

Maybe I was the problem.

Maybe running from Qimir was just another whim.

“True. It’s very kind of you. I promise you won’t get rid of me easily” the lie came out naturally, but the pain in my heart was a surprise even to me.

Maybe I was sending him to his death.
Or at least I was deceiving him, the excuse of protecting my child wasn’t enough. I could have acted differently, but I was selfish and wanted to protect myself above all... and also leave an escape route for Qimir. In a few hours, we would part ways and never see each other again, and he would probably hate me... or something like that. He would realize that I took advantage of him, that I deceived him.

It was better to lie until the end. I didn’t want to be there when he realized the lies when he looked at me disappointed.
Maybe sad.

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek that left him speechless, but with my bag, I passed him by, leaving the room without saying another word. I could feel his gaze burning into my back, but I ignored it.
It was easier that way.

Crossing the small corridor to the central hall, I caught a glimpse of Sol and Jecki at the command posts and approached them lightly. They turned to nod at me, but I remained silent, looking outside, beyond the glass where we could finally see our destination.

We had arrived in the space around the planet Teben. It was a place abandoned by civilization; centuries ago, there was life, not particularly developed considering the kind of ruins Qimir and I found the first time we came here, but there was everything needed to stay hidden in an environment not particularly dangerous, at least not for two like us.

It was a small green planet, forests and swamps covered most of its surface, the climate mostly cold, reaching particularly low temperatures at night.

We had chosen this location more out of my whim; I hated the heat and became particularly irritable as soon as I started sweating, one of the first things Qimir knew about me.

He didn’t really care where we camped, as long as it wasn’t an arid place. I remember well the early days here, we came in search of a temple... which turned out to be quite bare, but the place was great for making a quiet base.

It was also one of the first times we shared a bed, since we didn’t trust being too far apart in an unknown hostile environment, and resources were poor, so it was better to share more layers of blankets than to divide them.

I remembered we were fine, there was no discomfort, master and acolyte, no limits were crossed, we were... friends.

The problem is, I didn’t move during the night, he did.

So when the next morning, I found his arm around my waist, I skipped a beat, I wasn’t supposed to think about it, but... it made me feel good.
I pretended to sleep, and when he woke up, he realized the situation he had put himself in, I felt him prop himself up on an elbow behind me, his arm sliding away not before gently stroking my hip with his thumb.

After that morning, I couldn’t get that memory out of my head. If I concentrated enough, I could still feel that warm caress on my skin.

Maybe that’s how it all started, or maybe it was just the first physical proof of a feeling that had already begun and that I hadn’t seen. That I didn’t want to admit.

We descended into the planet’s atmosphere. I had mapped a safe route away from the main temple. We hadn’t equipped much nearby, the forests were so dense it was impossible to land except in specific, distant locations. Only by exploring the temple could you find a hidden passage leading to a large enough cliff for small or medium ships. Qimir guessed it was created later since it didn’t match the rest.

The nearest landing zones, external or internal, were almost the same distance on foot. Sol asked earlier if we could land directly there, but it was likely full, and we risked blowing up. Sure, we risked Qimir escaping, but landing with a destroyed ship made no sense.

We landed silently where I indicated, opened the door, and descended the ship’s stairs after gearing up. I put my hands in my pockets to trigger the alarm signal to my droid. Qimir was probably watching us, but it was better not to risk it.

Sol, Yord, and Jecki reviewed the plan while I nervously adjusted my poncho, hoping it hid my form. I put on my backpack and adjusted the fabric. Sol gave me a reassuring look before approaching me.

“Relax. I promised he wouldn’t even touch you, and I intend to keep it” I replied with a nervous sigh “I just hope... well, Qimir doesn’t know I’m pregnant. I don’t want to give him another reason to be angry”

He nodded understandingly. “Let’s go.”

I chose a well-worn landing zone, an old path led to the temple. Although roots had cracked the stone and symbols faded, it was better than traversing the dense forest full of insect nests and dangerous animals. I wasn’t sure of my combat skills five months pregnant, and I hadn’t touched a lightsaber since fleeing.

The air was cool, the sky turned purple as the sun set, casting large shadows. We were mostly silent and focused. We planned to trap Qimir in the temple. I would close the doors overlooking the cliff while they blocked the main entrance, confident they could corner him now that they knew his capabilities.

The key was surprising him and luring him away from the automatic doors I would shut. I had instructed Sam to equip my escape ship and make a map copy. The plan was to snatch it from Qimir and ensure he couldn’t track me. Luckily, he wasn’t into droids or gadgets, I usually handled locks and technology while he preferred organic methods like poisons. We had been a perfect team.

Had been.

Several doors blocked the path to the ships, so faking malfunctions or unfamiliar droids causing problems would be easy. As time passed, the Jedi seemed more relaxed around me, possibly not considering me a suspect once I escaped.

What made me nervous was not knowing Qimir’s intentions. He supported my plan, but I no longer had his trust. I saw the repressed anger in his eyes that night, and I still bore the marks on my arms. He was a ticking bomb, but I didn’t know if he’d unleash it on me or the Jedi.

During the confrontation, hiding my pregnancy was less important than staying safe. His reaction could be anger or joy, or worse, he might abandon our ruse and just drag me away. I couldn’t let him get too close.

It was nearly dark when we reached the temple. We hid behind large trees to see if Qimir was nearby. His presence was obvious, he wasn’t hiding. It felt like standing before a sleeping beast’s lair. The dark side rested but swirled around us, unsettling the three of them. But I was unfazed, feeling at home with its presence.

After nightfall, Sol gave a final warning before we moved toward the temple entrance. The large door was half-open. We hadn’t repaired it, focusing instead on the chamber doors.
Inside, most lights were off to avoid attracting small creatures.

Yord gently touched my side, silently asking a question. Unfortunately, we had to pass by the second-floor chambers to reach the passage at the temple’s end. Many areas had collapsed, and uncertain of the structure’s stability, we reinforced dangerous zones with beams, leaving only one safe path.

We’d pass the second-floor doors, including the bedroom, then descend to the first floor to close the first door. Yord would accompany me to ensure I reached safely and Qimir wouldn’t notice us. He might leap from the second floor, but it was too much risky, leaving him without supplies or a ship.

The plan wasn’t bad, given the few Jedi available. Too bad they didn’t know the surprise factor never existed.

I signaled Yord to climb the rusty stairs, with Sol and Jecki hiding in the main hall, ready to intervene if we were caught or if I triggered the doors and alarmed the Sith.

We walked silently, Yord a step behind, watching my back. The stone corridors were dimly lit by warm, faint lamps. I silently indicated the bedroom door to Yord, placing a finger on my lips. The dark side’s presence intensified, I knew Qimir was there, likely waiting for us.

Then I saw it.

At the corridor’s end, my small droid Sam patrolled, seemingly lost in thought. I froze, and Yord noticed the unexpected guest.

“This is new” I whispered to Yord, who prepared to move. I reached for my stun gun, ready to miss on purpose, but it wasn’t necessary.
Sam turned towards us, his usual blue eye turning red, and an alarm blared. Yord grabbed my poncho and pushed me down the corridor.

“Run!” he shouted, abandoning stealth.

I dashed past the bedroom door, firing stun shots at Sam, pretending to miss in panic. Sam dodged easily, disappearing around the corner. I heard Yord’s footsteps behind me, the alarm echoing, then an explosion.

Just as Yord passed the bedroom door, it burst open, and Qimir attacked, wearing a helmet. Yord barely drew his lightsaber before being slammed into the stone wall and parrying a powerful red lightsaber.

The plan was in motion.

Chapter Text

I was momentarily stunned to see them clash. Yord glanced at me for a second before shouting at me to run again, which I did immediately.

I was terrified of turning around, afraid that the movement might reveal something about my form under the poncho. I assumed Qimir wouldn’t attack me, but the fear of being caught was enough to make my desperate run seem convincing.

I reached the corner of the corridor and saw Yord being thrown forcefully from the other side. Qimir turned toward me before running in my direction.
It was all a ruse, but I was indeed hiding a secret from him. Moreover, it would be a lie to say that Qimir’s mask didn’t scare me, especially when he was coming after me so menacingly.

I descended the first flight of stairs. On this side, there were more levels I had to cross. When I reached the last step, a familiar chirping called me. Sam was waiting for me, hidden behind a pile of stones. As soon as I reached him, he darted across the ground, signaling me to follow him. I wasn’t sure what he planned to do, as he advanced along the hallway away from the other staircases.

Behind me, the sound of footsteps made me realize that Qimir was likely about to catch up, with Yord probably just meters away. If the plan was to work, it was better that Yord didn’t see me with the Sith. After all, I was a pregnant woman, it made no sense for me to attempt to confront him.

I followed Sam through a door. It was one of the small rooms we had converted into a food storage area. I shut the door behind me, staying in the dark. A small window let in some artificial light, but with the thick material of the door and the already dim external sources, it was just a faint strip of light that didn’t even reach the floor.

I peered through the window and saw Qimir searching for me. Without my Force signature on display and with that mask, I doubted he’d even spot me. He turned toward the stairs and, peering for a few seconds, realized I couldn’t have gone that way or he would have surely seen me.

He didn’t have much time to think, though. The moment Yord appeared from the corridor, he heard the sound of his lightsaber approaching. Qimir also turned, and the two began to fight. It was clear that Yord was less trained or skilled than him, you could see it in the reactions to his parries, his rigid strikes. He was definitely at a disadvantage, and it hurt to watch them… On one side was Qimir, that I loved despite everything and for whom I was risking my cover to help us escape. On the other side, even though I had known Yord for less than two days, those few hours together had shown me a kind and caring person, one of the Jedi with a still-pure mindset within the Order.

Just as they passed by the door, I crouched to make sure they didn’t see me through the window. Sam dimmed the blue light of his eye. The sounds of lightsabers and the impacts on the stone were enough to cover my voice when I spoke to Sam.

“Why did you bring me here?” He made a few annoyed noises at not receiving the greeting he expected but then replied.

“The map?” I asked surprised.

He pointed with the light of his eye to a corner with various tools, and I immediately recognized the holomap behind it. I quickly grabbed it and stuffed it into my bag. “I knew you wouldn’t let me down, Sam. Now go ahead. I need someone to check the doors at the end of the landing area” I peered through the window and saw Sol and Jecki running toward the fight.

Kriff.

The whole plan would be useless if he got himself killed.

I turned to Sam and ordered him to be silent. “I need you to turn off the lights. We have to make a run for the ground floor” He chirped affirmatively, and as soon as he opened the door, I began my run toward the stairs. Fortunately, there was only one extra floor to cover.

Reaching the other side of the first floor, I arrived at the end of the room where the first automatic door opened. Sam approached the control panel, but I stopped him.

“Wait. I need to make sure Qimir makes it. Go to the panel at the end of the corridor and wait for me there” Sam bumped his metal head against my leg, making me hiss. “I know you don’t like it. But… I’ll explain later, okay? I need someone to watch my back. If everything goes as planned, it will be the last time we see him” He responded with a contented chirp, and I sighed.

I watched him pick up speed down the corridor, then I bent over the panel and used one of the tools from my bag to open the cover and cut the electricity wire.

In an instant, all the lights went out. I hurried to turn on the small flashlight attached to my backpack strap and fixed the control panel.

I stood up just as I received a call on the communicator. It was Sol on the other end. “Sabrina, where are you? Qimir has disappeared before our eyes” His tone was urgent, I could hear the sound of running footsteps through the device. “I’ve reached the door. Many cables are broken. I think the droid cut the power. I need to hurry” I looked up and saw Qimir jumping down the stairs. I swallowed a lump in my throat. “If I don’t catch up with him quickly, he might lock me out of the docking area. Hurry up” I ended the communication.

Qimir stopped a few steps away from me, giving a small nod. He didn’t seem to notice the bulge of my belly, so maybe the poncho was working. Or at least for those who didn’t know where to look.

“Let’s hurry before they see us. They’ll assume I’m slower than you, so don’t stick too close to me” I didn’t wait for his reply before turning away and starting to run. My hands were trembling, it was the first time I had seen him in person after five months. Maybe, with a bit of luck, it would be the last.

His presence was now impossible to ignore—his heavy breathing due to the mask, the light steps, the sound of the lightsaber partially lighting the way, and, most of all, the dark aura of his Force surrounding my senses like a warm blanket on a rainy day.

Of course, Jedi had their mark around them, but nothing compared to the reaction you felt in the presence of the dark side—a constant hand on your shoulder in a silent threat. But that was Qimir’s mark; like his physical presence, his Force presence was almost an overwhelming and suffocating figure, as if he had a hand around your neck as a warning. But over the years, I had gotten used to that smell, that warmth. I saw it more as a caress—a light touch on the side… like the first one shared years before, not painful, but sweet… almost caring.

He didn’t say anything until halfway through, when we could hear distant footsteps echoing, indicating that the others had entered the tunnel. Qimir stopped and, using the Force, bent one of the doors we had passed through and another one.

Sure, the doors were small. It wasn’t difficult to breach them once a hole was made with the lightsaber or with some force, but that was the point of the plan—slow them down.
Just as I was meant to slow down Qimir, now he was slowing down the Jedi. Even better, because if I had moved a few more meters away from him, I would have had time to close some doors behind me.

The communicator rang again, but I ignored it. Officially, I was fleeing from an angry Sith; they would understand if I didn’t bother to answer.

I glanced back at Qimir, closing another door before starting to use the Force to make the walls tremble. I stopped abruptly and shouted, “Are you crazy?! You risk making the whole gallery collapse on us!”

He turned around in silence, then let out a clear sigh and stopped. “We need to talk”

“This isn’t the time” I replied weakly before continuing to run. He was irritated, and the risk of him reacting with violence increased. My lightsaber was still at the bottom of my bag, and I cursed myself for not taking it earlier in the storage room. It would take too long to use it now, and moving the backpack risked exposing me to his eyes. Besides… would I really be able to fight him if things went bad?

Until now, I had taken for granted that I could face him and escape if necessary, but I hadn't really considered the idea of seriously aiming a weapon at him. Of hurting him.

I had been taking my feelings for granted, and now that I had him in front of me... the trembling hands, the heart in my throat... I could barely look at his mask.

To imagine his face beneath it, angry.

I took a deep breath before reaching into my pocket where I still kept the device to alert Sam. I could start to see the illuminated room in the distance with the ships ready for escape. I didn’t sense the Jedi, I imagined the jammed doors had been enough to buy us a few minutes.

I pressed the button in my pocket, and in less than a second, the doors in front of me began to close. I ran faster, passing the first two. I was starting to struggle, my feet burned, and my back cried out in agony. "Hey, wait!" Qimir didn’t waste time following me. I passed through the last door, but he was right behind me.

Great.
The plan to not get him on my back had now failed.
Just perfect.

"You could have warned me, kriff" he said behind me before removing his helmet. "We’ve closed all the corridor doors, do we have a few minutes to talk before we leave? We haven’t even decided where to go"

I struggled to respond, short of breath, my body protesting from the exertion, my head pounding.

"Can I know what’s going on with you?" I could hear him take a few steps closer, but with my arm outstretched, I sigh him to wait. Sam, who had been standing by the control console, approached and positioned himself between us, whistling angrily at Qimir.

I pulled myself up, taking a deep breath. My hands continued to tremble, it seemed absurd that I felt so bad. I was a trained woman after all. I didn’t know if my problem was physical or mental at this point.

Qimir was behaving naturally, after all, I was the one hiding a terrible secret, who had run away from him. Would he read the lie in my eyes? Would he notice the swelling of my stomach?

No. I just had to... move.

"We’ll talk when we’re away from here and the Jedi" Just then, the communicator rang again, but I turned it off. Sam, next to me, informed me that they were already more than halfway through the route, given the continuous damage signals from the doors.

I walked toward my ship, but Qimir’s hand tightened firmly around my arm, turning me toward him. "Can we talk just for a second? Can you tell me what the hell is going on?"

I winced in pain; he had grabbed me in the same spot where he’d left bruises the other night. I wriggled free, taking a few steps back, and finally looked him in the face. For the first time in months, face-to-face.

I couldn’t just close my eyes and make him disappear this time.

He looked at me confused, I felt like I was being scrutinized, or maybe I was just paranoid.

"I’m sick, okay? We need to go. Now." He took a few steps toward me. "Do we really need to keep up this act? If it’s about the archived data, we can get our hands on it again and..."

"No!" I snapped, interrupting him.

"You need to..." trust me? No, that phrase no longer made sense. "Listen to me. I’ve seen what they’re doing; it’s better this way. I’ll explain when we’re safe"

Meanwhile, Sam had opened the hatch of my ship, the automatic ramp lowering to the ground. I only had to take a few steps.

Hoping Qimir wouldn’t shoot me immediately from his ship in anger. I couldn’t afford to make him mad.

"Sure. But have you seen your face? You’re red. You’re breathing hard. What, do you want to have a heart attack while traveling through hyperspace?" He moved in my direction, but I took another step back. The instinct to shift the poncho to cover myself better crossed my mind, but the movement would only seem more suspicious, so I restrained myself.

"I’m fine. Sam is with me" He gave an ironic smile, and even in such a moment, I couldn’t help but think how handsome he was.
"Now I feel better. You’re delirious"

With two large strides, he reached me and grabbed my arms again. I flinched from the pain, I struggled. I could have used a Force push, but I risked exposing myself with the shockwave, and it seemed like an overreaction. Maybe I should just... just...

"Stop it, kriff. I’m worried..." but he suddenly stopped.

He looked at me intently, a frown on his face as he tilted his head slightly to the side.

Meanwhile, Sam was warning us of the limited time left.

"Let me go—" I began, trying to keep my tone calm, but he tightened his grip on my arms, and I moaned involuntarily, but he wouldn’t let go. It was as if he was deliberately pressing on the bruises.

"I dreamt of you the other night" He began in a low voice "You were crying and despairing in my arms. You were beautiful." I held my trembling hands on his chest trying to gain a few inches but his grip was firm and he wouldn't let go "I held you to me. Firmly. Like now. If I had been there for real... I would have left you bruised" if possible his tone became even lower, Thumbs pressing hard into my triceps.

"Qimir wait..." I hissed sensing panic forming in my stomach "Are you lying to me darling? You better say it now before I lose my patience. I've been so good to you. I don't deserve it, do I?"
Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes, I could have released myself, hit him, even shouted for help if it would have helped to get him off me at this point, but my body refused to react.

I was terrified.

I was a liar. I wasn’t able to fight him. I had lied to everyone but especially to myself.

"Please Qimir..." I whispered with trembling lips, he smiled at me, gentle, but the coldness I felt in my aching bones was a clear warning of how the dark side was stirring around us "This wasn't very nice of you. I thought you loved me. And you hide our son from me?" the grimace as he uttered the last word was one of pain, disappointment, he didn't look angry... but his eyes.
Those dark wells were cold. The hands that gripped me kept squeezing my flesh so hard I was afraid he would break my arms.

"I... can explain. P-please..." Some tears started to slide down my cheeks, my hands trembling uncontrollably as I tried to push him away.

I had to do something. Anything. But I remained paralyzed by fear.

At that moment, the distant sound of lightsabers distracted us, warning us that they were probably at a door or just beyond. It was enough for Sam, who had sneaked up and using one of his small arms, delivered an electric shock along Qimir’s leg, causing him to jerk back and release me suddenly.

"Little—" he lunged a hand toward the droid, but finally freed from his grasp, I gathered the courage to react.

Using the Force, I took advantage of his distraction to push him away from me, his body slamming against the door with such force that it created a crack.

I turned and ran with the last of my strength, tears falling freely, my chest heaving with sobs, Sam speeding ahead of me on the ramp, ready to close the door behind us.

Qimir roared my name in a snarl. I turned just in time to see him getting up. Behind him, the door swung open, and Yord, followed by Sol and Jecki, emerged into the illuminated room with their lightsabers drawn.

I stopped on the ramp, which had started to retract, locking eyes with Yord, and I swore I saw him nod approvingly, glad to see me ready to fly away. Just as the doors were closing, Qimir began to use the Force to push them away from him.

Sam was whistling next to me, urging me to hurry. I took a trembling breath and reached the cockpit, tossing my backpack into a corner and sitting in the pilot's seat. My hands were still shaking, but I managed to activate everything necessary to start the engines. Sam was helping me from the lower panel. I grasped the controls, and with one smooth motion, I flew the ship out of the cavern.

I flew over the temple in a broad arc as I left the planet's atmosphere. As I distanced myself, I noticed another small signal on the scanner, indicating that Qimir had probably managed to leave shortly after me, or maybe it was the Jedi, but at that point, I didn’t care.

I set random coordinates as far as possible and jumped to hyperspace.

The familiar blue light illuminated the cockpit as I finally allowed myself to slump into the seat.

The silence enveloping me was deafening after everything that had happened. There was a constant ringing in my ears, a headache that flooded my senses from my temples to my neck in a steady pounding, my hands almost numb from gripping the controls, and my back throbbing from the sudden physical effort.

Sam approached my leg and with a faint chirp, asked if I was okay.

I sniffed, once, twice, three times before a sob escaped my lips.

And another.

And another one.

My vision blurred with tears as I tried to wipe my cheeks with my sleeve, but to no avail.

I broke into hysterical crying, my arms wrapping around myself, the pain I felt a constant reminder of the physical and emotional torment I had just endured, my short breath giving no peace to my lungs.

I stayed there.

Crying for hours.

Chapter Text

I hadn't felt this empty for a long time.

The sensation of dry skin from all the tears shed, the difficulty breathing through my nose, the shortness of breath that struggled to stabilize.

It was like watching a child have a hysterical crisis.

Except I wasn't a child.

I had only experienced a similar pain once before. My mind had erased most of that day, I remembered random images, the fire, the rubble, the smell of burnt flesh, the black hands... small. Still...

I took a deep breath with my mouth open, before focusing on regulating my breathing. I was alone in the cabin, having instructed Sam to check for any tracking devices on the ship and Yord's communicator. The one Sol had given me had already been destroyed, thrown to the bottom of the room in a outburst of rage.

I struggled to get up from the chair, moving slowly toward the small bedroom. At this point, my entire body was aching with a dull pain. I couldn't tell what was real or what was paranoia. At first, I even thought that all this stress might have been too much for the baby. A scan from Sam showed no severe damage, but he wasn’t a medical droid, and I needed to be checked before hiding again.

In the room, I reached the small bathroom with a shower. Sam had already prepared some clothes in a corner. The sight made me smile, yet my heart tightened in a painful grip.

There was nothing sweet about all this. I was miserable.

A wounded animal in need of care. Weak. Physically and mentally.

I turned on the faint lights above the mirror and looked at myself.

It was certainly an ironic scene. Just a few hours earlier, I had been in the same situation on the Jedi ship and then alone in this bathroom, which was very similar to the previous one, but everything was a hundred times worse.

Bloodshot eyes, a swollen, red face, dry skin, streaks of mucus on my chin, lips almost bleeding from how much I had rubbed them with my sleeve and bitten them. The vacant stare, the messy hair... I was ruined.

If I had been honest with myself, maybe I had never been healthy. Not as a Jedi, not alone, not as a Sith. But this was the bottom of the barrel.

The little dignity I thought I had, the pride, the faith... what had they led to?

I undressed slowly, my arms burning with pain, the marks on my skin evident and almost distinct in multiple colors—purple, black, red, blue, and lighter around the edges, the older ones starting to take on a greenish hue. I removed my pants and underwear, then took a deep breath. One hand gently caressing my belly, more tears threatened to fall from my eyes, but I held them back.

I needed to stop. I risked harming myself. Even Sam had reproached me for putting too much stress on my body. The last thing I wanted on my conscience was to harm my child before he was even born. It would be just another failure on my part, but I didn't think I would survive the psychological consequences.

I turned on the hot water and waited for the small bathroom to warm up. As soon as the steam began to fill the room, I stepped into the shower under the warm stream. I washed slowly, partly due to my aching body, partly to enjoy a moment of peace. There were many things to do. I couldn't immediately retreat to the farthest corner of the galaxy. I needed to gather healthier supplies, recover my credits from various accounts, ensure the ship was safe from tampering, and check that I had no one on my trail.

Yes, Sam was checking and had been keeping an eye on the ship the whole time, but I couldn’t know if Qimir had gotten his hands on it earlier. Hours had passed, and I was fairly certain he had managed to escape, but he hadn't sent me any messages or tried to contact me through the Force. Everything was too calm.

Maybe he was carefully planning his next moves. After all, now he had a more important reason to keep me close. Five months ago, he hadn't let go, even though he continued his objectives, and time had passed, maybe even with the belief that I would resurface alone. But now, things were completely different.

I knew what he wanted deep in his heart, in his raw and simple desires. Revenge against those who had hurt him. And me. And now our son was indirectly the perfect symbol of his dream, the product of us both as a family, alive and corporeal.

I needed to prepare myself psychologically for what would come next. Even though it was clear my body wasn’t capable of handling it, I struggled to react to his presence. My only option was to flee.

Or if things really went south... I wouldn’t care anymore. I would report him to the Jedi Order if it meant keeping him away from my son. It was already ridiculous trying to help him once, yes, even to protect myself, but everything that came after I could avoid.

I stepped out of the shower feeling somewhat better, though the pain had not subsided at all. Washing away the tears from my face had been therapeutic. I put on a pair of loose pants and a long black robe that reached my knees, deciding to skip the underwear. I had had enough of my miserable hours, feeling the underwire of my bra pressing against my flesh was the last thing I wanted, and no one would notice the lack of underwear.

I wanted to sleep. Lie down and forget everything for a while. But I knew that if I relaxed now, I would open my eyes hours later or worse, not want to get up at all. I couldn’t afford to waste any more time.

It took me at least five minutes to put on my shoes by myself.

When I finally managed, I opened the bedroom door, with Sam waiting outside.

"Did you check everything as I asked?" He gave a small affirmative nod while handing me the holo pad Yord had given me.

I should have destroyed it. What would I even do with it? Contact him? If he were interested, he would have called me earlier or... no, I was delirious.

A bitter laugh escaped me as I recalled Qimir's words. He was right, I was delirious.

I went back to the cockpit, my backpack waiting on the co-pilot's seat, and with a sigh, I slipped the communicator back in. I tidied up the things I needed, decided to tuck the lightsaber into the large pockets of my pants. Since I would be wearing a cloak, I doubted anyone would notice, but I preferred to carry something familiar. Even if I didn’t use it, it would be enough to scare almost anyone, though I preferred not to show it too much.

We arrived at our destination a few minutes later. The planet was a very popular docking destination, especially for those making long trips, as the surface didn’t offer much entertainment for the inhabitants. The docking area was the main commerce zone, legal or otherwise, with a financial flow so significant that even the Republic turned a blind eye to certain dealings.

The logic was quite simple: there were multiple docking levels, marked with different colors or numbers. At first glance, it seemed just a normal numbering system, but each symbol provided specific information for dockers, and if you were ignorant of the matter, you just had to look at the colors.

Green = legal
Purple = illegal

I landed on a lower level, a purple platform with some tool symbols painted on the side. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and, accompanied by Sam, descended the ramp calmly. My feet cried out in pain, especially after resting for a few hours on the ship, but I ignored the discomfort. I would rest eventually.

From the landing area, there was a narrower path overlooking the void, with lights visible below on the artificial pillar. It made little sense to stop here if one wanted to visit the actual planet. Even though there were means to descend directly, it made more sense to land on solid ground.

As I moved away from the ship, I saw two Togruta approaching me with a tool cart in tow. I pulled my hood over my head and stopped a few steps from them.

“Ma’am” they greeted with a nod, which I returned. I then handed them a pouch with some credits, which they tucked into their pockets.

“I need to buy some supplies, but I have a few doubts. I would like you to check the ship internally and externally for any tracking devices or tampering. If you find something like this, please inform me immediately” They nodded before handing me a small device with two lights.

“If we find anything concerning, we will immediately trigger the red light. We assume that any external device will be destroyed if found...?”

I nodded. "Of course, I expect the utmost discretion" I said, and resumed walking. However, one of the two men called out to me, "Excuse me, if you need supplies, my brother runs a shop on the floor above. Right next to the elevator, yellow sign. He has a bit of everything... even some extras if you ask"

I nodded again, and we parted ways. I reached the elevator and decided to take a stroll to see if I could find anything useful. I gathered some credits in various pouches that I slipped to the bottom of my bag, careful not to be seen, and passed by the shop that had been suggested to me, paying a droid to bring the supplies directly to the ship until I decided to stop at a small restaurant.

A counter overlooked the kitchen, with a dozen neatly arranged tables outside. It had a slightly dated appearance, but it was nice and, above all, quiet.

I ordered something simple, and it arrived quickly since there weren't many customers. I ate while waiting for the signal from my ship. People and aliens of all kinds passed before my eyes, but I could barely focus. I was distracted, confused, and not hearing from Qimir was eating me alive. Was this his plan? To torture me with silence? To wait until I let my guard down or to drive me insane?

As I finished my meal, a female voice from a nearby table caught my attention. "Congratulations" a woman in her fifties smiled warmly at me. I immediately recognized her armor as part of one of the bounty hunter clans scattered throughout space. She gestured toward my stomach, and looking down, I noticed that seated, my belly was quite noticeable due to the shirt that had rolled up around my hips.

I placed a hand on my stomach in a small caress and forced a tight smile. "Thank you." I hoped the conversation would end there, but clearly, the woman wanted to chat. "How many months along are you?"

I held back a sigh. It wasn’t her fault I was irritated, I didn’t want to respond rudely, and it was better not to anger strangers—you never knew how they might react.

"Fifth... almost sixth"

I had also finished eating, so I couldn’t use that as an excuse. I could have gotten up and left, but I wanted to enjoy sitting there as long as I could, I still didn’t know how long it would be before I was called back.

"How lovely, you remind me of my first pregnancy. My husband and I were so happy..." She looked at me as she got lost in her story. She was a beautiful woman with copper-red hair tied up, a few gray strands in the middle, and wrinkles that showed her age, but she was so charming that it was barely noticeable. Not to mention she was clearly a trained woman.

But what was she doing here alone? I recognized the armor well, they were usually in small scattered groups. I didn’t recall seeing anyone else with the same clan symbol on the floor, nor had I seen her talking to anyone before...

A shiver of fear struck me.

She was here hunting someone. And now... she was talking to me... it couldn’t be true? Had Qimir put a bounty on my head so quickly? Or maybe he had contacted some private party he knew and...

"Hey, girl, are you okay? You look pale, do you need a hand? Is there someone with you?"

I gripped the edge of the table nervously, my other hand slowly reaching for the lightsaber in my pocket, Sam at my feet, ready to attack if necessary.

"Are you here for me?" I asked bluntly. If we were going to confront each other, it was better not to beat around the bush.

She looked at me puzzled for a moment, then her face lit up in realization. "Oh, no, sweetheart, believe me, I was just on a break before joining my people and... wait, are you in trouble? Who would send bounty hunters after you?" She gave me a closer look before seeing the glint in my pocket. I hid the lightsaber, but it was too late.

She looked taken aback for a moment before sitting in the empty chair at my table, leaning slightly forward. "Are you a Jedi?!" she whispered. "Oh, honey, how did you get into this mess? The cloak reminded me of something, but I didn’t think it was like this..."

I looked around nervously, but no one seemed to pay attention. "I... it’s complicated" I didn’t feel like correcting her, it was better not to reveal too much information, especially to a stranger. She didn’t seem to have bad intentions, but it was better not to risk exposing myself too much.

She sighed.

"This is what happens when you raise kids away from the world. Tsk. No offense, but I never liked your Order. What happens with kids and then... was it intentional at least?" She asked, indicating my belly.

I shrugged in response. I didn’t want to feel like I was being interrogated by a stranger or, worse, criticized for my choices. The idea of going down and waiting at the docking platform crossed my mind.

She exhaled slowly as she leaned back in her chair. "And him? Another Jedi?" I looked at her from under my hood and nodded. She rubbed her eyes. "Tell me you’re waiting for him here, please."

The indirect mention of Qimir by the woman at this point seemed like just another joke from the Force.

I held back a tear, quickly wiping it away, but the gesture didn’t go unnoticed by the woman. I continued nervously looking at my hands in my lap, Sam beside me, whistling sadly.

There was a few seconds of tense silence before she spoke again. "Listen. Let’s start over. I’m Eleena, and you?"

I told her my name in a faint voice.

"Alright, Sabrina. Do you have a plan? A place to stay? Do you know what to do?"

I nodded. "Do you think the Jedi are looking for you? They don’t seem like the type to chase a pregnant girl, despite everything..."

I sighed, distressed. The whole conversation made me uncomfortable, but I was glad to get a bit of understanding after all this time, especially from someone outside all the Order and the Force’s mess.

"It’s... a complicated matter" I started moving the plate in front of me with a finger in a nervous gesture, continuing not to look at her, afraid of feeling judged. "Okay. Then I’ll ask you another question. Have you had any check-ups recently?"

I cleared my throat. "Last month, I wanted to go here, but I saw I had to register at the counter and other procedures, so I didn’t feel up to it..."

She calmly got up from the chair, hands on her hips. "I know another place here. A man who helps bounty hunters. I’ll take you there, and you get checked out, okay?"

I looked at her in surprise.

Was she serious? Was she really helping me? Could I trust her?

"But why...?" She offered me a hand to help me up. "I told you, I’m a mother too. We should help each other, right? And besides, I’m always happy to stick it to the Jedi"

We walked through the market area, reached the elevator again, and went down two floors to the workers' private area. A guard stopped us, but as soon as he saw Eleena, he made a gesture and let us pass. The area looked more like a really disorganized warehouse, with a few tables scattered around and various people on break eating or dozing in chairs. We reached the end of the corridor and went through a side door. There was a small corridor with white walls and another door at the end.

Eleena knocked, and after a moment of silence, the door opened. A massive man, perhaps around two meters tall, welcomed us and let us in.

It was clear that they knew each other. They exchanged a few words while I looked around, still followed by a curious Sam. The place was a storage room cleaned and reorganized as a medical room. Despite the heavy air, it was... nice.

In the end, I managed to get the check-ups I needed. Fortunately, I was fine, although the droid that gave me a quick scan announced the few bruises on my arms and a high stress level in my body. Eleena gave me an intense look but said nothing. I tried to pay them for their trouble, but the man refused, saying, "Friends of my friends are my friends"... or something like that.

Just in time to receive the signal on the communicator, I could finally board the ship and leave. Eleena decided to accompany me to the landing area. I returned the device and paid extra for some minor repairs that had been done.

"I don’t know how to thank you. I didn’t know where else to go. I was thinking of buying a medical droid on the way home" I stopped in front of the ramp as Sam opened the hatch and boarded to check the supplies that had been loaded.

"It’s all right. I’m glad to help, really. The galaxy is already full of assholes, and doing a good deed every now and then doesn’t hurt" I held my hands under my stomach before giving a small bow with my head. "It doesn’t matter. Thank you for everything"

I started to board, but she stopped me. "Listen. I won’t ask for anything else, but I think I have an idea of what’s going on with you. Tell me the truth, it’s just you and the droid, right?"

I bit my lip before nodding.
"Then take this. I don’t care if you use it or not. I feel better knowing you can contact me" she handed me a holo-pad which I took hesitantly. "If you need to kick some Jedi ass, my people and I are here. Even for free, believe me, it would just make us happy"

I looked at her for a few more seconds before pulling off my hood and giving her a gentle smile, perhaps finally more at ease after all the tears shed. "I won’t forget this"

We said our goodbyes, and I finally boarded the ship, reached the controls, and started the engines. The holo-map was lit up next to me, with Sam asking where we wanted to go as he analyzed the various marked locations.

"I don’t know. Maybe somewhere it snows" I whispered more to myself than to him as we flew out of the atmosphere.

Chapter Text

I looked out through the glass at the planet below. I loved Carlac for many different reasons, mostly childish ones like the snow or the cold. I didn't know why, but I found something peaceful in the frozen lands. Moreover, the planet was full of forests with blossoming trees. The inhabitants lived in small villages in areas sheltered from snowstorms. It seemed like a place frozen in time and space.

Peaceful.

I flew over several inhabited areas. Although the Jedi weren’t stationed here, it was still better to avoid being seen too much. I knew a small village in the mountains that would suit us, just to take a few days off.

I landed the ship in a more covered area among some small mountains. The landing zone was practically empty except for two other spots, likely local vehicles due to their small size.

I got up from the pilot's chair and put on the heaviest coat I had prepared in advance, making sure all the controls were off before reaching the entry hall, my backpack ready by the door.

"Are you sure you're only bringing that? Because I’m not coming back for rations in the snow" a male voice grumbled behind me.

I chuckled as I pulled my hood over my head. "We’ll buy something in the village. I prefer to save rations for emergencies" I replied, turning in time to see Qimir hoist his backpack onto his shoulders, a scowl on his face. "I don’t get why we had to come here. I voted for the beach" he complained childishly. I rolled my eyes. "You just wanted to swim. Stop complaining" I grabbed him by the collar of his coat, pulling him close to me. I was shorter than him, but a few centimeters were enough to have his eyes at my level without any resistance from him. "For the record, you chose to join me. Not the other way around. So I’m in charge" I let him go to press the button to open the door, hearing him mumble behind me, "I thought we lived in a democracy" but I ignored him.

We walked a few meters through the trees to the village’s wooden gates. The place had two entrances at opposite sides, wooden walls separating the village from the open forest. The other side led down a long path from the mountains to a larger inhabited area. The protected zone was quite large, although the houses were relatively few, and even fewer were actually in use.

"Does anyone actually live here?" Qimir asked, looking around. I nodded. "Yes, I come here often. I have a small house practically rented out" we started walking through the village.

The house I used was among the more isolated ones along with others that were uninhabited, at the outer edge of the village almost at the foot of a small mountain ledge that served as a perfect windbreak.

I rummaged in my pockets for the magnetic key, not an easy task with thick gloves, but I finally managed to open the door and get us inside. The furniture was covered with blankets, and dust reigned supreme, but it wouldn’t take long to tidy up, I had done it many times before.

"Well, it’s not bad. It’s cute. Two floors and everything... how much did it cost you?" Qimir asked, looking around "Not much. They were happy to let me take care of a house, at least it doesn't fall apart" I began to uncover the furniture, dust visibly rising before our eyes, and opened the windows to let in the air "Still... wooden houses in the ice?" he continued with a puzzled tone. I took two brooms from the small closet, leaving my backpack on the table. "They know what they’re doing, Qimir. They hold up well, and inside, the metal part keeps it warm" I handed him the broom, which he took hesitantly. "It's the relatively that worries me" he murmured but said nothing more.

We cleaned up quickly, mainly uncovering everything and sweeping the dust off the floor. I rarely left many items behind, and there were few plates and glasses, so cleaning them was quick.

"I’m going to get supplies" he said suddenly after putting his backpack down "What? No, I know the place, I’ll be faster and—" but he interrupted me. "No. You’re right. I decided to follow you, so the least I can do is help, right? There must be a sign or something, the place is small, I'll take a look and get what we need" I bit my lip before nodding slowly. "Okay." He took the credits and left the house. I stood for a moment staring at the door, confused.

I wasn't sure I fully understood Qimir. He certainly lied often, which was normal given his lifestyle, but since we started traveling together, we always seemed on edge, as if there was a balance neither of us wanted to break but that had to be overcome.

He had asked me for help. And I had accepted.

But neither of us really brought up the subject, we seemed more like friends exploring the world. It was clear that it bothered him deep down, but he remained silent, maybe hoping I would start the conversation or that something would eventually happen. He certainly wasn't one to give up, but after all, he had been a Jedi.

Old habits die hard.

I managed to finish setting things up and finally turned on the heating, shedding that terrible coat.

Qimir returned just as I was warming my frozen hands on one of the many heat pipes. There was a small fireplace, but the wood I had left from the last time, although well preserved with the right precautions, wasn't much, and I preferred to save it for later.

"Well, this is much better" he also took off his jacket and put the various provisions in the fridge.

"I was just wondering... how often do you come here? I thought you kept a low profile" I sighed before sitting on the couch and turning on the datapad. "Often enough. But I’ve already told you, the place is safe" He looked at me in silence with a grimace before leaning his back against the kitchen counter behind him.

"I’m just saying we attract attention—" "No, we don’t." I interrupted abruptly. "Let me remind you that officially we’re dead to the Order. No one is looking for us. No one has seen our faces in years. And anyway, for the record, we’re not doing anything wrong. Living a life away from the spotlight isn’t a crime"

We stared at each other for long moments before he surrendered with a heavy sigh, hands in the air and an irritated smile. "Okay, master" he said with the angry tone of someone who wants to say more but holds back, as we often did or maybe as we always did.

I took a mental breath.
I was the one who had to show him the way. He had trusted me.
I had to make the first move.

He turned towards the counter, taking various ingredients and starting to cook something for dinner. I watched him in silence, the light shirt he wore revealing the definition of the muscles on his back. All his movements seemed well-calculated and deliberately slow. It was hard to tell if he did it on purpose to annoy me or if it was just his way.

The first times we spoke, his methods were completely different. He moved constantly, putting his hands everywhere in nervous gestures, looking disheveled, with a smile between shy and annoying.

But his eyes betrayed him.

The first few times I visited his shop, I barely glanced at him. The fact that the owner was different didn’t surprise me. I assumed the previous one was dead, perhaps searching for materials or maybe killed in a fight, perhaps robbed, but nothing new in the world of the black market. So when I first saw him, I barely gave him a look.

But by the third visit, while waiting for him to retrieve something for me from his stock, I actually stopped to watch him.

It was more out of boredom, or maybe, if I wanted to see it poetically, it was the Force guiding me.
It was a matter of details, yes, but casual gestures like the way he bent to pick things up, the ease with which he moved heavy objects, or the confidence with which he turned his back on the goods even with many customers around.

It could mean everything or nothing, I took it more as a game, a pastime. I knew I’d have to return, so I might as well have fun. I waited for him to set the minerals on the counter before moving, an elbow on the surface in a relaxed pose, a playful smile pulling at my lips as I watched him with narrowed eyes.

"Tell the truth, pretty boy, who are you really?"

The question didn’t really mean much, he could just be very good at his job but with a disheveled appearance. Yet, whether it was the will of the Force or pure chance, I had hooked him like a fish on a line.

The mask he wore slipped for a second, a single second in which those dark eyes looked at me, surprised and uncomfortable. Then he recovered and, as if nothing had happened, mimicked my pose with that silly smile on his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’d like to know more about the ‘pretty boy’ part.”

Only it was too late. I had felt it. A disturbance in the Force, like a cold breeze brushing my neck, hard to explain. The best comparison I could think of was an earthquake, light, barely perceptible, the balance that keeps you upright but makes everything around you wobble imperceptibly, the body feeling light for a moment.

I had caught him. And if he was that hidden, it meant he knew exactly what he was doing. I stifled a laugh but smiled more openly. “I get it. Keep your secrets to yourself, I know when not to push.”

I left the credits on the counter and took what I had come for. I expected not to find him days later, but he was still there. When he saw me, the small smile he gave was enough to tell me what he couldn’t express in words. He saw me as a challenge and wanted to play.

I played along.

I snapped out of my memories when I heard the clinking of dishes on the table. I got up from the couch to join him and finish setting the table before we sat in silence to eat.

He was clearly still irritated by the previous conversation. The atmosphere around us was heavy, so I decided to turn on the holonet at the far end of the room, at least for some background noise instead of the awkward silence.

He quickly finished eating and then mumbled that he was going to take a shower. He grabbed what he needed from his bag and went upstairs without even looking at me.

I rubbed my tired eyes, finished my plate, and left everything in the sink for the morning. I could hear the faint sound of water from upstairs. The hologram I had turned on wasn’t even catching my attention, and the volume was so low that the words were barely understandable.

Outside, a small snowstorm had started shaking the snow along the streets. The wind was howling, and visibility was barely a few meters ahead. And this was just a very mild version of what could really rage on this planet. The village had huddled in an excellent spot between civilization and the most uncharted wilderness.

It was like the relationship between the Jedi and the Force, in a way—having the power to touch the might of nature but always stepping back, intimidated by something we couldn’t fully control.

Or at least, that was the theory. The practice was much more arrogant.

I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. I leaned to look out the window at the storm, lost once again in memories.

Qimir liked to play. Maybe that was my mistake since I agreed to bring him along. I tried to be too serious, trying to imitate my former master, but the relationship was quite different, and it was clear that the same methods didn’t work.

I didn’t show up at his shop for three days, the time he could gave taken to pack and flee if he had wanted to. But when I arrived, he was still there. I wasn’t in the mood for jokes, but seeing him cheered me up at least a little.

“Hey” I greeted him quickly as I reached the counter. He turned around with his usual anxious demeanor before giving me a smile. “Hey” he replied cheerfully.

“You’ve been missing for a few days” his hands continued preparing some mixture. “Yeah, I needed a few days off” I sighed, placing the credits in front of him “Do you have any liquid medicine? Simple stuff, stomachaches, headaches, things like that” He stared at me for a few seconds before nodding and handing me a box of common vials. I reached for them, but he pulled his hand back.

“First, I want to ask you a question.” He pushed the credits in my direction “And you don’t even have to pay if you answer” I looked at the vials and then at him in silence for a moment.
I had no monetary problems, but saving something was never a bad thing. Besides, I could always refuse. I raised an eyebrow in question.

He leaned over the counter to my eye level. It was a more feline movement than usual, his intense gaze with those dark wells.

I could see it again, that face hiding behind the mask, even though the signature in the Force I had perceived earlier was silent, hidden—I was sure I had felt it.

“Have we met somewhere before?” The smile pulling at his face was sly, distinctly different from his usual one. I chuckled. “Believe me, if that were the case, I would remember” I reached to take the vials from his hand, but he stopped me by grabbing my wrist.
We stared at each other in a standoff for a moment before I brought my face closer to his, our noses almost touching “I don’t know who you are or what you’re hiding. But believe me when I say I don’t care at all. I just thought it would be fun to guess, but I have more important things than bothering a kid” He made an irritated grimace but didn’t get a chance to respond as I snatched the vials from his hands and left the credits on the counter.

“But if you want a sincere piece of advice, you should hide what you are better. The Jedi would ask a lot of questions if they found you” I smiled at him as I began to walk away, the surprise marking his features.

I turned my back and walked away, but a Force grip stopped my next step “And what about you?” he hissed angrily.
I glanced back over my shoulder before giving him a slight push with the Force, sending him sliding back against the wall.

“Never reveal yourself to a Force user you don’t know if you can cope with” I said, amused by his initiative.

At that moment, Qimir came down the stairs, his hair still wet from the shower, a long towel wrapped all around him. We exchanged a glance, but he quickly looked away before rummaging through his bag.

This story couldn’t go on like this.

“Sit down for a moment” I said, throwing myself onto one end of the couch. He clenched his jaw but remained silent, so I sighed.

Without warning, I used the Force to pull him abruptly next to me. Qimir shot me an angry look. “Are you crazy?!” I ignored him and settled more comfortably on the cushions.

“You’re too impatient. What revenge do you think to achieve with this attitude?” He clenched his jaw again, biting his lip in irritation.

“You talk like a Jedi” he scoffed.
I rolled my eyes. “You’re the one still acting like one. You’re blinded by your emotions. But we can be better than this. Better than the Jedi. Better than the Republic. We have the power of the Force to help us, but don’t forget it’s just a loan. You’re not really in control of it” He finally relaxed, letting himself sink into the backrest.

“I thought being a Sith was about passion, freedom, and…” “—and it is. But you need patience. You’re confusing what you want with the power of the Force I can teach you. Turning to the dark side doesn’t mean anything practical other than learning a new doctrine. And you want revenge”

He took a deep breath, his gaze lost ahead, at least he seemed to be considering what I was saying. “So? What should I do? Meditate?” I smiled, sighing. “If it makes you feel better. Why not.” I casually threw the pillow that landed in his lap.

“You need to understand what you want to do, Qimir. You want to kill someone, and then what? Walk away? Continue doing what? The Sith monk in the universe? Keep killing Jedi? Do you think revenge will give you satisfaction in the end without first processing what you need?” I watched him intently, waiting for a response, but he seemed focused on staring at the pillow in his hands.

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me” I recited the code, leaning toward him.
Qimir stared at me intensely, his lips pressed into a line.

“Revenge must be part of the journey to becoming free, not the final goal. Otherwise, what will become of you after?” I placed a hand on his arm, tilting my head to look at him with a gentle smile.

“Have you ever asked yourself what you want to do with your life, Qimir? What do you want?”

I waited in silence as he processed my words. I opened my mouth to continue, but suddenly the house around us began to fade, as if the walls themselves were melting, letting in a thick mist.

“What the hell—” I looked around, confused, as Qimir grabbed my arm, pressing me against his chest. He was wearing his usual black tunic. His facial features were sharper, more mature, and… his eyes.

They were an acidic yellow.

“I want you.”

Then darkness enveloped us.

---

I woke up with a start in the dark room. Next to the bed, Sam had turned on the alarm clock on the nightstand and was spinning around, whistling loudly.

I put one hand on my chest and one on my stomach, my heart was racing.
For a moment, everything had seemed so real that...

Of course, it wasn’t a dream. I remembered that day well, like many others. My journey with Qimir had had many ups and downs, but I recalled each of those memories with a nostalgic affection.

Yet now nightmares were filling those memories too. There was no place where I could escape from what was happening, not even in sleep.

Sam, beside me, happily called my attention, apparently, we had arrived at the refuge.

I took a deep breath before rubbing my face.

I needed to pull myself together.
I was a Sith, wasn’t I?

I was free.

Chapter Text

Days passed without anything happening.

I had to make a choice when finding a suitable place to settle, hidden but on an inhabited planet in case something happened and I needed help. So, I found a small moon.

It was the perfect place; the moon was an important mining resource, and in addition to the excavation area, a small town had been created to house workers and their families on a rotating basis.

Although the reason this place was of interest to me and Qimir was quite different. There was a Sith temple in the deepest part of the forest, nothing big from what we had discovered, and in fact, when I landed nearby, I realized it wasn’t much.

The presence of the dark side was faint, almost completely gone, meaning that nothing of the Sith remained, whether it was an artifact or a tomb.

There was still a chance that there might be some tunnels or worse, temples were places of worship and rest for the Sith, technically protecting its members, so I could be at ease... at least in theory.

There were no particularly dangerous life forms, everything was covered by a light layer of soft snow. I had checked the climate, and it seemed very mild despite the predominance of snowfall and low temperatures.

The temple wasn’t particularly large, stone walls created a square perimeter. Inside, there were ruins of statues, and besides the classic triangular building, there was what was probably the guardians' dormitories. The beds were moldy, the place full of cobwebs from who knows what kind of insect, but... better than Qimir.

I spent a week without stopping, Sam as my cleaning assistant; we threw away everything that was wooden and already moldy. I moved the ship's mattress to the second floor of the dormitory onto one of the designated risers, fixed the power generator with the spare parts I had, and fortunately, we managed to get the automatic doors and windows working again. I almost cried when the interior lights turned on the evening of the second day.

In fact, I was on the verge of tears almost every day, for a lot of different reasons. Sometimes I cried just because I was crying. It sounded nonsensical, but in my mind, everything made sense.
Sam was desperate, carrying around boxes of tissues wherever I went.

Once, I started crying because I saw him arriving with the tissues.

How he had started predicting the crises was a mystery.

By the dawn of the fourth day, I had built a rudimentary bag for to help him carry the boxes of tissues.

In a week, I had managed to make the dormitory quite livable. I had moved all the essential rations there with me, medicines, and the creams I had repurchased, which seemed silly to have taken given my general living conditions, but having that little comfort at the end of the day allowed me not to feel completely abandoned.

Of course, that made me want to cry too.

I had downloaded an endless number of documents and books on my datapad about pregnancy and what was best to do. It made me feel less stupid to know that hysterical crises were normal, within certain limits anyway, at least something seemed to be going right in my life.

On the seventh day, I decided I was tired of going back and forth between the ship and the temple, not that it was really that far, it was practically just a few meters away. But depending on how my feet or legs felt, I could be more or less happy to go get food, and unfortunately, many things needed to be kept cool, so I fixated on moving the refrigerator into the dormitory.

It was a long argument with Sam. He didn’t want me to move heavy things, and I told him I would use the Force, but he threatened to zap me.

The truth is, the more time passed, the harder it was for me to use my abilities. I didn’t really understand why, but it’s not like there was an easy manual for sensitive Force mothers somewhere. So, I could only assume that stress was distracting me. I was tired, angry, sad, and felt alone, which was ironic considering it would have been an excellent condition in theory for a Sith, but I was just... drained. Maybe I was missing the desire to use the Force.

So, after careful planning, we managed to slide the small bar refrigerator from the ship to the temple. Sam almost had a bolt fly off in the effort. I pushed with what little strength I had left, but I was more there for moral support.

At the start of the second week, I realized I had to stop behaving childishly and move the bed to the first floor despite hating the idea. Climbing the stairs every morning didn’t make sense, and Sam struggled more than I did.

Yes. I even cried over that.

When we finally managed to check off all the worst tasks, we were able to take a break. There wasn’t much I could do besides watching the holonet (kindly disassembled and moved by Sam as well). The temple was sparse, the statues that had fared better were there partly due to their sheltered position, but they seemed to have been hit by something, probably some past battle. I had searched for passages or other relics but found nothing significant.

I had read about this place in one of the many artifacts recovered over the years. There wasn’t much written except that it was a place of refuge and prayer. I hadn’t heard anything else about it, and in any case, the moon itself showed no signs of significant Force ties, it was just there. One of the many Sith passing signs.

It also bothered me that I didn’t have some of my books with me. I could have read all those things I had postponed, especially now that my connection with the Force seemed to be weakening. Sam had even speculated that my child was “draining” my energy to grow, which wasn’t such an absurd thought from certain points of view, but without certainties, I preferred not to take anything for granted.

The truth is, the six months were beginning to make themselves felt all at once. When I had fled the first time, things hadn’t been as disastrous as I had thought. I had prepared for the various phases that would arise, and yet I was experiencing a fairly calm pregnancy. I loved where I had settled, the neighbors were lovely.

Everything was fine.
I was fine.

I had been foolish to think it would last. It took just three days of hell to feel all that baggage I thought I had left behind on my back, everything hurt.

Sure, it’s not like I had exactly rested during those days, but even in the evening, when I should have collapsed from exhaustion, I couldn’t sleep.

At first, I thought that for convenience, I could use the ship as the main refuge since I hadn’t found any places I trusted enough, but it took just one night to realize it wasn’t possible.

That day, we had visited the temple for the first time, and in the evening, back on the ship, I had lain down in my room hoping not to have any more nightmares. I soon realized that the problem wouldn’t even present itself since I couldn’t even close my eyes.

I stayed there. Time passing, and me staring at the room door. Imagining the hall. And the hallway. The pilot's chair. The control panel. The communication button glowing a blinding red in the middle of the night.

The same red as Qimir’s lightsaber.

Qimir.

Qimir.

Qimir.

I almost had a panic attack that night. I got out of bed and, wrapped in my coat, stood with my boots sinking into the snow right in front of the ship’s entrance. The forest illuminated by the ship’s lights while the snow fell silently and slowly from the night sky.

So, I decided to move to the mainland.

I had turned off the communicator, but an irrational part of me believed that somehow he would still manage to contact me. Every time I went up to get something, I quickened my pace, and if I had to take a shower, I played music at full volume to fill the excruciating silence.

One of the things I bought to sleep were herbal candies, recommended for pregnant women struggling to sleep due to discomfort or stress. Well, I bought a whole box. Stress, pain, or Qimir, I would sleep. And that was an order.

I wasn’t entirely sure they worked since the actual hours of rest were few, and when I woke up, I was always agitated or tense, as if I had had a terrible nightmare but couldn’t remember having it. The only joy from my meager connection with the Force was that I didn’t have to worry about closing the link with Qimir, it was already enough if I sensed anything around me.

The most activity I allowed myself was walking. Sam hated it since he had trouble maneuvering his wheels on the snow, but he had no intention of leaving me alone. I found it lovely that he cared so much about my pregnancy despite hating the father of the child growing inside me. When he had nothing to do, he would read everything there was to know about babies, search for healthy recipes with the ingredients we had, and more than once I caught him staring intently at my stomach. He had learned that from the sixth month on, I would start feeling the baby move and he wanted to be part of it.

Unfortunately, nothing had happened up to that point. Just to add anxiety to my constant stress, I had managed to get that check-up, so I knew I was okay, but I longed for even a tiny movement. It would be proof that everything I was doing was actually leading to something, that at least as a mother I was partially capable of protecting my child.

I tried to distract myself by walking despite the pain in my legs. I took some medicine to ease the discomfort and ventured into the forest, with a lightsaber on one side and a blaster on the other (not to mention Sam always ready to zap someone). A couple of times, I walked close to a cliff where I could see the entrance to the quarry from above, the machinery at work, and even the smoke from the inhabited area. I would stay there, staring, imagining what was going on.

Their family must really love them if they were willing to move to a place like this to avoid leaving them alone. Working hours and hours a day and then coming home to find your partner or children waiting for you.

Would people like that be able to leave their children with the Jedi if they showed up at their door? A mother’s love should be unbreakable, yet they all seemed ready to leave their children in the hands of strangers who would take them away forever.

And I thought. I thought about my mother. About what must have gone through her mind when she left me with the Jedi. I didn’t remember anything about her, they took me when I was barely four years old. I had... this feeling. The warmth of a laugh. I think I was happy.

I don’t know why she gave me to them, I guess she thought they would give me a better future. One that was meant for me.

One I didn't want.

Tears filled my eyes as I watched the quarry the second time I went to observe them. I kept thinking about those united families... about my child.

About what would happen if he were Force-sensitive.

About the Jedi at my door.

Wondering if they could take him away from me...

To the color the walls would take on once I used the Force to crush their skulls.

To the pieces of brain that would splatter in every direction...

I coughed forcefully as I wiped my eyes with a sleeve. An annoyed chirping behind me made me turn sharply to see Sam floundering in a pile of snow at the base of a tree. Unknowingly, the Force had burst from me in a small shockwave that had uprooted the nearest trees and sent the snow exploding around me, also dragging Sam a few meters back onto a large protruding root that cushioned his fall with the help of the snow.

I apologized to him, blew my nose with the mobile supply of tissues, and we left.

I decided never to return there again.

On the eleventh day, I was too tired to walk or explore, so I stayed within the temple grounds. Sam had grown tired of having unstable land under his wheels, so armed with an old metal plate, he began shoveling the snow on the internal rock path of the temple, at least enough for a route between various points like the dormitory and the main exit or the gap in one of the four walls leading directly to where we had parked the ship.

I watched him in silence, sitting on an old column, sipping tasteless tea after my stomach had decided to reject breakfast.

I kicked the snow like a bored teenager. Then, an idea came to me.

I took a little pile of snow, shaped it into a ball, and with deadly accuracy, hit Sam on the head. I had to bite my lip to avoid bursting into laughter when he slowly turned around, his eye lens glowing red.

I let out a silly squeal when he snapped in my direction. I hurried to grab more snow before throwing it at him again. I had long since passed the point where I could easily get up from anything comfortable or not. He ran along the freshly cleared path, but I continued to torment him by making smaller and denser snowballs. He tried to hide behind fallen rocks or move a few meters away, but I never missed a shot. I continued until all the snow I could easily reach was gone, my chest shaking with laughter and breath forming large clouds as it came out of my mouth.

It was the first real laughter I had in months. It didn’t last long it was just a moment compared to everything else, but it truly lightened my heart. It was a quiet afternoon, I even took a nap, we cooked together, and in the evening, we sat by the entrance to the dormitory and watched the snow fall. I swore I heard Sam sigh, probably disheartened knowing that all his hard work would be useless the next morning.

We went to sleep when the wind started picking up a bit too much. Sam shut down to recharge, and I lay down with the candy ready in hand but... I waited.

I stared at the ceiling with a lost expression. I began to feel... alone.

I swallowed the candy quickly, afraid of losing myself in my thoughts, and half an hour later, I had collapsed into the world of dreams.

The next morning, I woke up angry.

I was tired, felt tense, all the discomfort my body could feel at that moment was there, mocking me.

Sam realized how moody I was as soon as I woke up. He left a pack of tissues on the bed and went out.

The illogical way I was behaving made me even angrier with myself. Mood swings should be normal, right? A six-month pregnant woman being harassed by her former apprentice with obsessive-compulsive issues, living for a week and a half in a temple in the middle of nowhere, could she not be nervous?

I sat up and saw the backpack in the corner and remembered Yord’s holo-pad left there to rot. I should have thrown it away, but I didn’t have the courage. And I had been so busy tidying up that it had slipped my mind.

I stretched out a hand to summon the backpack with the Force, but it only tilted a few centimeters forward. I let out a bitter laugh and, without thinking, grabbed the pack of tissues and threw it at the opposite wall. I felt childish doing it, but it was better than sitting there in silence, simmering in self-pity.

I got up but ignored the backpack. Thinking about Yord was dangerous now, maybe it was a trap, or if it wasn’t originally, given how things had gone, he might have told everyone hoping I would call him, or worse, he might alert the Council... indeed, days had passed without hearing anything, although I doubted with the certainty of having a Sith someone would announce it on the holo-net. They probably hadn’t even told all the members, the Order had long lost the transparency it once boasted.

I had experienced it all too well.

I sighed, quickly covered myself before leaving the dormitory, and slowly made my way to the ship, which was starting to be covered in snow—another problem I would need to address, but not at that moment. Inside, I hurried to reach the shower, turning on the hot water immediately to warm up the room. I glanced at the mirror to check the state of my bruises. Now that they were taking on shades of green and yellow, they were even more visible against the pitch-black tattoos covering my arms. At least they had begun to hurt less, but I still hated my reflection.

And inside, deep in my heart, I suffered a bit for not having a full-length mirror to see what I truly cared about—the body adapting to the growth of my baby, the only thing I now loved about myself.

I wondered if once he was born, I would actually be of any use. If I would be a good mother. Or if it would be better to give him to someone who would truly love and care for him... but if he turned out to be Force-sensitive... and the Jedi... no. I had to calm down.

I spent a lot of time under the hot water, even applying body lotion to stretch out the time before leaving that bathroom... that ship... in the snow, under an anonymous moon, in the failure that was my life.

Along the corridor, I put on a soft sweater and loose pants, looked at the snow boots resting on the chair, and sighed at the thought of putting them on.

But that nagging thought continued to gnaw at my subconscious.

What was Qimir doing? Was he on my trail? And if he remembered the map by heart? Maybe it was just a matter of time before he caught up with me. One morning, I would wake up to find him next to me, and no one would be able to slow him down this time. Even the week before, when I had slipped through his fingers, he was about to attack Sam after he had zapped him, and if something had happened to him, the guilt would have devoured me. I knew he wouldn’t back down against Qimir, but he couldn’t do anything. And it would have been my fault.

How it was my fault that he was stuck here with me after I had left him deactivated at the base for five months. I didn’t even understand why he was helping me. He should have hated me. I didn’t deserve to be helped, I was being offered a hand only because I was a good liar, not because I was truly appreciated for who I was.

Or anyway, the only one who really knew me was Qimir, so... it was better not to think about it.

I sighed as I reached the command room. Everything was covered in a light layer of condensation. I sat in front of the controls, my gaze fixed on the buttons.

I just wanted... to know if he had written to me. If he had left a message. I wasn’t at risk of being tracked by it, I needed... I needed to hear that everything would be okay. I wanted someone to smile at me, even just for a second, a comforting hand on my back, the warmth of a human body... even the bruises on my arms seemed nice by comparison... to loneliness...

I realized I was losing my mind. Every day, more and more, I was losing awareness of myself, of the control I had over my emotions... Suddenly, it was like being thirteen again, the smoke filling my lungs and my body frozen in terror while everything around me burned.

While everyone burned.

But it was me asking to be saved. Consumed by fear.

I looked at the button again.
I thought of the holo-pad in the backpack.

Just... once. I wanted to know if he was worried about me. If he really loved me.

Then I would let him go.

Chapter Text

I looked back down the hallway. I knew Sam wouldn't approve, but I didn't want to hear his lecture now. Quickly standing up, I locked myself inside, accessed the basic controls, and repositioned myself comfortably in front of the panel.

A red light activated to my right, the one that warned of calls or messages received. The fact that it wasn't flashing indicated it was a recorded message, not a missed call. I looked ahead at the snow-covered trees for a few seconds, took a deep breath, and with trembling fingers searched the control panel for incoming messages.

To my surprise, there was only one. Not even that old, from a few days ago. It certainly came from the ship Qimir was supposed to escape on that night, I was sure, but I expected more... vehemence.

I couldn't help but feel a bit of disappointment at how ridiculous the situation was. I rubbed my eyes tiredly and with a quick, almost frightened gesture, started the projection.

In front of me appeared Qimir's hologram. There was a constant sound of rain in the audio. I couldn't quite understand where he was, it seemed he was sheltered from a storm. It was clear he had recorded himself from a holo-pad and not inside the ship as I thought.

The recording began with him backing away from the communicator with a slightly tilted frame, as if he had rested it on an uneven rock, and then sitting on what seemed to be a fallen log.
He was breathing heavily, as if he had just exerted himself greatly. His pants were soaked, his chest bare, raindrops fell from his hair, face, chest, and down his arms to form a small wet pool beneath him, but he remained silent.

He rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair, removing some of the water covering him. He moved uncomfortably, not looking directly at the camera, almost lost in thought with his jaw clenched and occasionally his lip caught between his teeth.
I think a good minute passed before a grimace pulled at his face, and at that point, he looked at the camera, looked at me.

"I understand why you left. I deserve it" he said in a low tone.
The familiar sound of his voice was comforting despite everything. After almost two weeks accompanied only by birdsong and Sam's hum, I missed hearing a voice other than my own.
Or maybe it was because it was him.

But it didn't make sense, I had shut him out of my life for five months, and seeing him again hadn't influenced me that much. Maybe it was truly the excessive solitude playing tricks on me.
The inability to go anywhere without feeling trapped, hunted... by him.

It was his fault. I shouldn't have forgotten it.

"When you first left five months ago, I was furious" the constant noise of the rain accompanied each of his words. "I didn't understand why, after everything we had done together, you simply decided to shut me out of your life. As if I had disappointed you and you were tired of me" he let out a bitter laugh.

"I had tried so hard to be the acolyte you deserved to have. To become stronger for... well, you already know." He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "When we began to... become closer, it seemed such a natural process, more so every day as we laughed, trained, explored... everything was in its place, we didn't have to ask, it just happened. We protected each other."

He paused again, and I watched him with my lip caught between my teeth, biting so hard it hurt. The childish part of me wanted to respond to him, even though I knew it would be useless. "Then... I began to crave more from you. I didn't just want your approval as a master, I needed you to smile at me, hug me, kiss me. The life of a Jedi is lonely. And suddenly, I was with you, and you're always so... perfect"

He looked up at the camera again before giving a strained smile "What was a failure like me doing next to you? Why did you give me a chance? I know you've never been one to believe in destiny or the will of the Force, but I believed... I believe it's a test. I had failed with the Jedi, and now the Force showed me the way again, but not because I deserved it"

"I had to show I revered and protected you as you deserved. After everything that happened to you, I wanted to be your other half. The power of two" he smiled and ran his hand through his hair again, I couldn't tell if it was to remove the annoyance of the water or not. "But you blinded me. Your smile haunts my days. The sound of your voice whispers in my ears every night before I sleep, and the memory of the warmth of your body... the breath on my skin..." he shook his head slowly, his hand rubbing his eyes.

"When you agreed to train me years ago, I thought I had been blessed by the gods. First, I escaped death, and then an angel showed me the way. If that wasn't having the favor of the Force, I don't know what is. But you're brighter than any supernova, and how can you desire anything else when everything you need is right in front of you?"

I clasped my hands in a nervous gesture when he stood up, approaching the holo-pad. "Do you remember when you asked me what I wanted from life? At the time, I wouldn't have known how to answer you. Now I do. I want you to love me. I need you to dedicate your life to me as I would dedicate mine to you. And I'm sorry. Because I took you for granted" he slowly knelt on the ground.

"I thought keeping you by my side would be enough to make you happy. I was giving you everything I had, but I never really asked what you wanted. You were with me, right? You didn't leave. You were fine. I was arrogant."

He cleared his throat, staring into space for a moment "I tied you to me like an animal. And when you struggled in my arms, I tightened the knot."

Calmly, he placed his hands in front of him on the ground, leaning forward, his forehead touching the earth. "You're in the air I breathe. In the light of my days and the darkness of my nights. I love you, Sabrina. And I love what we have created. Allow me to atone for my sins. To prove that I deserve what you've given me. I would burn the entire galaxy to see you happy, please..." a trembling sigh was faintly heard beneath the persistent noise of the rain.
"Grant me your forgiveness"

The video ended.

I stared ahead with tear-filled eyes. My lip clenched between my teeth.

I realized that until then, neither of us had ever openly said "I love you" As he said in the video, we took the affection and feelings we had for each other for granted, the physical contact, the small gestures, the silent looks... but never said it out loud.
It made it too... real.
Saying it meant talking about it, right?
And neither of us ever talked too openly about what we wanted.

This was perhaps the most vocal message Qimir had ever given me.

I wiped the tears still trapped in my eyelashes and started the video again, fast-forwarding. "You're in the air I breathe..."

"...I love you..."

As it approached, his voice could be heard better above the downpour, that hoarse tone that sent a shiver down my spine...

"I would burn the entire galaxy..."
...and made me squeeze my legs together.

I started it again, huddled up, feet on the edge of the chair so I could hug my legs, my face pressed between my knees as I listened to him speak again with closed eyes.

"...I love you..."

"...I love what we have created."

And suddenly, I felt it.
A... flutter in my stomach.

I suddenly raised my head, feet back on the floor, hands gripping the armrests so tightly that my fingers started to turn white.

"I would burn the galaxy-"
And another. Like... a shift so slight it almost felt like a shiver.

"-your forgiveness."
And another still.
Then it stopped.

I placed my hands on my stomach, thumbs gently caressing through the sweater.
"My love..." I whispered in amazement.
"Please just... just one more" I waited silently, praying internally.

I didn't understand why it was happening at that moment.
I continued to be stressed and... maybe I was just looking for a connection where there wasn't one.
I sighed, sinking into the back of the chair.

I looked up again, Qimir's video message frozen at the end.
Perhaps...

I started it again.
I raised the volume and fast-forwarded to when he approached the holo-pad, and his voice could be heard more clearly.
"Do you remember when I asked-"

And the fluttering began again.
I had to press a hand over my mouth to stifle a sob, the tears I had managed to hold back now falling freely down my cheeks, onto my chin, and dripping onto the sweater.
"Yes, darling... that's daddy's voice-" I sobbed, my chest shaking with tremors and arms hugging my stomach.

"-I love what we have created."
A more determined movement than the others made me laugh through the tears.
"Yes, daddy loves you..." I sniffed. "He loves us very much."

At that moment, I decided I should record that part, take it with me. It would be nice to play it for him before going to sleep. I was pretty sure hearing developed towards the end of the seventh month, so I didn't understand if this was just a bizarre coincidence and my brain was accepting it or if it was simply slightly ahead of time.
The child of two Force users might really have something different from the norm, but as usual, mine were just conjectures.

I approached the control panel to transfer the audio to a USB stick. The upload was slow, probably because the ship hadn't been powered on for days. I watched the video again in silence as it was analyzed and the audio extracted slowly.

But then. By pure coincidence, I noticed a small detail.
Looking closer, I saw strange marks on his arms. On his hands. A bell rang in my head, it wasn't the first time I'd seen something like this.

I waited for the audio to be extracted, then replayed the mute footage. When he ran a hand through his hair or approached the screen... his arms were encrusted with dirt and blood, I was sure of it. The knuckles were bruised, the fingers covered in superficial wounds. I tried to zoom in, but it wasn't much help.

I strained to remember where I'd seen something like this before, which memory I needed to dig into and... then I watched the final part again. When he bent to the ground, a part of the scar on his back was visible.
The answer was right in front of my eyes.

---

"Again!" I shouted loudly as I struck his side with the long wooden staff. Qimir, on hands and knees, was short of breath, sweat soaking his clothes and hair.
"When do I get the stick?" he asked irritably as he stood up, an annoyed look in his eyes, but he focused and returned to a defensive position.

I laughed in his face. "Never. The universe has no morality. Or honor. You must assume you're always at a disadvantage, discover your weaknesses, and learn to exploit them against your enemy" I lunged forward, aiming the flat side of the staff at his head. He blocked the blow just in time. Using the weapon's rebound, I turned on myself but he managed to block the kick to the other side of his face.
He was so pleased with himself that he didn't notice I had switched the hand holding the staff. My arm moved in an arc under my leg still in the air, and with a snap, the wooden rod precisely hit Qimir's groin.

I burst out laughing as he collapsed breathless, a curse on his lips.
"Are you trying to castrate me?" he managed to say in a faint voice, a small tear at the corner of his eye.
I couldn't help but keep snickering, planting the staff in the sand at my feet.
"Dramatic. There's always adoption if you want a kid" The look he gave me was priceless.

"Come on, enough for today, I've tortured you enough" I summoned the bags we had left a few meters away with the force, hung them on one end of the staff, and slung it over my shoulder, starting to walk away from the shore, Qimir following behind with legs tightly together.

"At least you find it amusing" he caught up next to me, moving a hand to shift his hair stuck to his forehead. "Don't pout. We're at the beach, right? You can take a swim afterward" I said mockingly.
"You're really charming. Sometimes I wonder if you were this annoying even as a Jedi"

He quickened his pace, passing me towards the ship. I opened my mouth to fire back another stupid joke when I noticed how the thin shirt clung to his defined body.
Sure, it couldn't be denied that Qimir was a handsome guy, fit and fun when he wanted to be, but what caught my eye wasn't the defined muscles but a long, jagged scar at the base of his back.

I felt stupid for staring at it. How long had we been training? How could I have never noticed it, or he never mentioned it?
Even though...
Actually, Qimir and I didn't talk about what we used to be.
I sighed and followed him to the ship.

The sunset had painted the sky in less than an hour, the atmosphere was spectacular. Every evening, it cleared of all kinds of clouds, revealing the dust rings surrounding the planet. The darker the sky got, the more visible they became.

"One day you'll explain how you know all these places" Qimir said suddenly, handing me an empty bowl. I smiled at him "I read a lot of books" He rolled his eyes but let it go, amused. He turned his back to me while checking the pot full of our dinner on the fire. We had set up a small camp just before the beach began, the ship a few meters away, and the nearest inhabited area was beyond the mountains visible in the distance.

"Do you like cooking, or do you not trust what I might put on your plate?" I broke the silence with a half-smile, which he returned, pretending to be annoyed "It wouldn't surprise me if you decided to poison my dish just to test me" He began pouring soup into his bowl, passed it to me, and I handed him my empty one. "Hey, I hadn't thought of that, I'll note it down." We laughed briefly and started eating.

The atmosphere between us was light, we ate in a pleasant silence, warmed by the campfire while the cool evening breeze tousled our hair. I had to take a blanket from my backpack and drape it over my shoulders once I finished the soup.

It seemed like the right moment to talk, but I didn't want to break the temporary peace, so I kept quiet. In a familiar gesture, I leaned forward towards the fire, one hand a few centimeters from the flame. I got so lost in my thoughts that I barely noticed my palm in contact with the fire, staying there, my head resting on my free hand, enjoying the sea breeze. Meanwhile, Qimir's steady gaze seemed to pierce me.

He cleared his throat before speaking, placing his empty bowl in the sand next to mine. "Is it another Sith trick?" I replied with a raised eyebrow, and he casually pointed to my hand.

I sighed, amused.
"No. So don't try it. Because tomorrow we'll keep training even if you have a fifth-degree burn on your hands" He clenched his jaw, holding back a laugh, but kept looking at me as if he wanted to ask something else. "So... what is it? One of those magic tricks for kids?"

I pulled my hand away from the fire and took a sip from my water bottle "I have no sensitivity in the palms of my hands" I said quickly. It wasn't a topic I liked to discuss, technically, I hadn't talked about it with anyone since I left the order, and I had no intention of opening up to Qimir at that moment.

I could feel his gaze on me, the question hanging in the air, but I stopped him before he could speak. "We're not having this conversation tonight." The disappointment was clear in his features as he ran a hand through his hair, still damp from the shower he took on the ship before eating.

"You know... I think that to strengthen the bond between master and acolyte, it would be really useful to open up to each other..." His tone was a mix of irritation and teasing. I took another sip to buy some time "You're right. Let's start with you: who gave you that scar on your back?" I retorted with an arrogant smile.

Mentally, I cursed myself, knowing I had just made things worse. The damage was done, and we stared at each other in silence, the air suddenly much tenser.

"Just drop it" I concluded, standing up. I began folding the blanket in my arms when Qimir suddenly stood. "Let's fight. Now."

I shot him a quick glance, unsure if he was joking. "Sure" I replied monotonously, walking toward the ship.
One of Qimir's more annoying traits was his impulsiveness. I couldn’t really blame him, it was normal. When I first started training in the dark side, I was consumed by pain and loneliness because of my choices, and transitioning from Jedi to Sith methods can be traumatic or at least difficult.

It's easy to believe that following instincts is enough.

I hadn't taken many steps before Qimir grabbed my elbow, pulling me slightly. I turned anyway noticing his rapid breathing. His eyes betrayed his struggle with emotions he didn’t understand and couldn’t manage without suppressing them.

"Let go, Qimir. I won't tell you again. Go clear your head, maybe meditate" He gripped my arm tighter, but I barely noticed. He was good at hiding irritation under a veil of irony, but I had begun to see through his tricks. He was probably angry since this afternoon, physical training was what he craved most, yet all he managed to do was block my strikes—and not even many of them. His frustration grew daily before my eyes, but as he learned as a student, I learned as a teacher.

Telling him to be patient only made him angrier.

"Take your hands off me. Now."
The threat was clear in my tone, but he seemed eager, craving the confrontation he’d imposed on me.

I sighed, letting the blanket fall to the ground. "Go clear your head." Quickly, I grabbed him by the collar and headbutted him in the nose. He staggered back, surprised, releasing my arm. Before he could meet my gaze, I punched him in the face hard enough to knock him to the ground with a thud. "I get it, you know? You don't care if you die. What's important is that you tried. Noble, really." I kicked him in the stomach as he tried to get up, making him fall again. "But if you're okay with giving up, you might as well end it now, right?"

I leaned over his curled body, his hand covering his nose, blood flowing steadily, one eye half-closed. "Clear your head"

I took the blanket with the Force and left him there as I returned to the ship.

I had a shower, changed, and wrote part of a translation of some texts I found, but there was no sign of Qimir. Night fell, and I even tried looking outside to see if he had returned to the campfire, but the embers were out and the presence in the Force was silent.

I sighed and decided to go to sleep. This was part of his journey, anyone could be Sith, but few could claim to know what they were doing. Giving him answers wasn’t helpful, and it wasn’t the first time he had outbursts like this. He would need to learn to find a non-destructive solution.

I awoke in the middle of the night. The door to my room had opened with a light hiss, but I immediately recognized the silhouette that entered. A sliver of light came through the window, allowing me to see him more clearly when he sat on the edge of the mattress with his back to me. I remained lying down, trying to see his face, but his loose hair was long enough to cover his features as he leaned forward, and the darkness didn’t help.

"I'm sorry" he whispered with a rough, slightly broken voice, as if struggling to form the words "I don't know why I snapped like that, I didn’t mean to"

I propped myself up on one elbow. "It's normal. You're facing the dark side, it's an uphill path. And... I'm sorry too. But I don't like talking about the past"

We remained silent for moments that felt like entire minutes when my gaze fell on his arms. They were covered with scratches and bruises, his knuckles so worn they seemed disjointed, dried blood and dirt reaching up his arms in long streaks.

I sat up quickly, turning on the bedside light. Looking more closely, it was even worse than it seemed. "What the hell did you do?" I asked, worried, grabbing his arm. He tried to pull away, but I didn't let him, while he kept staring at the floor.

"I was... angry. So I let off steam" he replied in a low voice. "I asked you to clear your head, not destroy a forest" I snapped ironically, but neither of us laughed.

I got up to drag him to the pilot's room, where I kept various medicines and first aid kits, and made him sit in the copilot's chair, a bucket at his feet while I prepared the supplies.

He barely flinched when I started pouring water over his hands to remove the dirt from his wounds. I had turned on the control panel for some extra light in the dark room, sure he didn't want to be more in the spotlight than he already was, and I didn’t want the ship to be a beacon in the night. We were safe, but it was wiser not to trust too easily.

Minutes passed slowly as I disinfected his hands. They trembled imperceptibly, but he kept his groans between clenched teeth. The air was heavy with unspoken words, neither of us looking the other in the eye. I wanted to scold him, insult him, or even just hit him again, but a glance at his face was enough to make me bite the inside of my cheek.

It was a lesson for another day.

"I had surgery" I whispered, clearing my throat. "The palms of my hands were completely gone, parts of the fingers... melted, you know?" I finished bandaging his wounds, covering from the fingertips to the wrists "So I had to get skin grafts to ensure that with the right treatments the flesh would regrow properly"

I showed him my hands, palms open, pointing with a finger along each side. "If you look closely, you can see a faintly lighter line where the grafts fused with my skin. I was supposed to have more sessions, but I refused"

I started cleaning the supplies and putting them away "Practically, all the main nerves in the fingers and palm haven't been fully repaired, so... yeah. I don't feel much, sometimes yes, sometimes no..."

I took the bucket, now full of dirty water and blood, moving it to a corner. I'd empty it in the morning.

I kept only a wet cloth within reach and sat back down in front of Qimir, one hand brushing his hair away from his face, the other wiping the dried blood from his chin. My heart was pounding in my chest. He kept looking at me silently, his face lit by the colorful lights of the control panel, and those deep, pitch-black eyes seemed to look directly into my heart.

I cleared my throat, uneasy "I feel the pressure of the touch and..." but I stopped when Qimir grabbed my wrists, gently pulling me toward him. I wanted to protest but let him do it. He had me sit on his lap, my legs on either side of his hips.

With bandaged hands, he brushed my arms, then one arm gently wrapped around my waist, pressing me against his chest. His free hand took mine gently.

"My master betrayed me. She thought there was something rotten in me. And... when I rebelled against the order, she tried to kill me. I survived by a miracle" he said in a hoarse voice.

I took a deep breath. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but I understood that feeling and knew nothing I said would help.

He moved our clasped hands close to his lips and, still gazing straight into my eyes, slowly kissed the knuckles of each finger one by one.

"It's just you and me. I'll make you proud."

--

It was like waking from a daydream.
I knew that dynamic well.
He would get angry, attack, fail, push himself to the limit, and finally come home like a beaten puppy.

He'd done it more than once, and over the years it hadn't improved, he just hid it better, only this time I couldn't defend myself.
It was a trap.

I don't think he was ever aware of what he was doing. I had tried to help him improve this aspect of his character, but it was impossible. I didn't believe in changing a living being, you can improve or worsen, but the core of who you are remains the same.

And Qimir had learned to mitigate his anger, to hide it or transform it into something else, but it was still there.
It was part of his being.
And I couldn't defend myself from him.

I was sure he would never lay a finger on his child, but... if he wasn't in his right mind... then my certainties wavered.

I made a decision.
I jumped up from the chair, USB stick in hand, and headed to the temple. In the dormitory, I emptied the backpack onto the bed, and when the holo-pad slid onto the blankets, I took a deep breath.

I wrote a single message.

"Please, Yord, I'm in danger, I need you. Find me. Alone."

Chapter Text

A couple of days passed without receiving a response. I thought Yord had considered me missing or had simply thrown away the communicator.

He replied at the end of the second week since I had settled on that moon. It was a hasty and poorly written message, hinting at an emergency he had to resolve before coming to me. So, I took a deep breath and sent him the coordinates.

A day passed in silence. I was so nervous that I constantly felt like vomiting. I barely ate, which wasn’t very healthy. Sam scolded me, and I had to eat soup for dinner, taking two hours to get it down.

The next day, I was just as nervous but also exhausted. I tried to go out for a walk in the surroundings, but by then I was paranoid. Every sound I heard was an alarm bell in my head. I had a feeling deep in my stomach that Qimir knew what I was doing. Maybe he had been watching me for days and was waiting silently, or perhaps he was losing his mind and becoming increasingly nervous. I knew his routine gestures, but I couldn’t imagine what he might do without me keeping him in check. Would he continue his self-destructive crusade? Maybe I should hope for that, pray that he loses his mind and in his frenzy gets killed by the Jedi.

Every time the thought crossed my mind, I felt like crying.

I still thought about that message lying next to my bed. I hadn’t had the courage to listen to it again. I wanted to let the child hear it, but I couldn’t ignore his voice or his words, pretending he wasn’t talking to me. I didn’t have the strength.

It was only in the evening, as another snowfall began, that something changed. The evening wind was much more stormy compared to the usual daytime wind. We were shut in what we now considered home, with the door and windows barred. Outside, the snow was falling so thick that it was barely possible to recognize the shapes of the other buildings within the temple. The wind howled forcefully, and the cold penetrated the walls.

We managed to fully heat the internal environment with the help of other parts dismantled from the ship. The place was already equipped with heating, but obviously, time and cold had ruined the internal mechanism, and we had to change some parts in a rudimentary way. Luckily, everything worked. The place warmed up very slowly, but it was better than nothing.

I was comfortably lying on the bed, the lights off, a pile of pillows behind my back, and numerous blankets covering me like a cocoon. Sam was next to the bed while we watched a silly investigative series on the holo-net. Occasionally, the screen would glitch, probably because of the storm outside, but by then we were used to it. We received the signal that was built for the inhabited area of the moon, and we were quite sure no one would notice an extra device connected. Or they wouldn’t care. Who would venture into the mountains for something like that?

In any case, the wind was blowing so hard that I didn’t hear a ship arrive. Amid the constant noise of the wind, the program, and my senses dulled by the Force, which seemed to have slammed the door in my face, I didn’t realize someone was approaching until they knocked on the door.

I jumped, almost slipping off the pillows. My first instinct was to call my lightsaber, but my hand stretched out in vain, the Force remained silent. I hissed in anger as I tried to sit up better. Sam, in front of me, extended his mechanical arm with an electric charge ready.

Before I could shout a threat, there were more knocks on the door. “Sabrina, are you there? Please open up, it’s me, Yord.”
I sighed without even realizing it. The muffled sound of his voice over the storm was perhaps the best thing I had heard in days.

Sam turned towards me uncertainly, but I told him to go open the door. Meanwhile, I removed the blankets from myself and put my feet on the ground. The floor remained cold despite everything, but the thick socks I wore were enough to ignore the little I could still feel on the soles of my feet. I got up with some effort, and when I looked up, the door was already open. A tall, hooded figure entered, tightly wrapping the cloak around his body. Sam turned on the lights behind him, shutting us inside from the cold of the evening storm.

“Yord—” I whispered, taking a step forward when he looked up at me. He exhaled, trembling (I couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or if he was happy to see me), and with a few large strides, he crossed the room and hugged me tightly.

I hugged him back without thinking too much when I realized how soaked he was with snow and had to step back from the cold sensation. “Force—” he hissed uncomfortably, realizing the problem.

“Sorry, I came here as soon as I could and didn’t think—” he began to say quickly as he removed the cloak and left it on the ground in a wet puddle. I interrupted him, “It’s okay, I’m glad to see you” It was clear that his clothes underneath were also wet, especially his pants and boots.

“I don’t know if I have anything for you, but maybe you should take off those clothes and let them dry” He looked at me silently with his mouth slightly open, so intensely that I felt uncomfortable. Instinctively, I pushed some strands of hair behind my ear.
“What?” I asked, insecure. He shook his head, “Nothing. I’m just happy to see you’re okay.”
All I could do was blush and press my lips together. I felt like a schoolgirl.

I didn’t know why I felt this way. Weeks before, all the conversations we had were always tense to a certain extent, but I couldn’t help thinking about all the little things he had done for me since I met him, ignoring what he still thought was right in the name of the Order. The breakfast, his excessive concern, and the communicator... I couldn’t help but think about it, especially now that my feelings about Qimir were confused.

Especially because of pregnancy hormones.

I really didn’t have anything to directly warm Yord’s clothes, so despite his clear discomfort, he remained in his underwear. None of the clothes I had fit him, and even the loose pants were too short, so it was better to warm him up this way.
A blanket over his shoulders would have been enough.

As I sat back on the bed, Sam stood in front of the holonet to continue watching the program, and Yord seemed to notice him for the first time.
“But isn’t that...?” I cleared my throat with a forced smile, “Yes. When I escaped, the little one followed me. He was afraid of what Qimir would do to him, given how we had broken in under his nose” I lied. Once again.
Sam, on the other hand, made a positive sound, confirming my story, and then continued his show.

Yord seemed puzzled as he sat at the foot of the bed, a blanket on his shoulders. “Are you sure he’s not a spy?” I shrugged. “Well, it’s been two weeks and we’re fine. By now, he would have called him, right?”

Inside, I sighed.
I realized I couldn’t even say his name out loud.
The father of my child.
The man who, for better or worse, had warmed my heart.
But who caused a lump in my throat at just the thought of calling him by name.

Yord sighed, glancing at my stomach. Maybe he sensed my discomfort, or perhaps he also wanted to avoid the topic. “How are you feeling? Have you been here since you left? We thought you would return home, but when we came to look for you, you weren’t there. And soon we realized you weren’t coming back, we were worried”

I looked around uncomfortably. I had told Yord a bunch of lies, and now I had to make sure they all aligned. I was happy he was there with me, but all the pressure of the lies I was telling resurfaced.

“I thought he would follow me. Or that he would follow you to me. I... I had planned on changing homes from the beginning. I brought the main resources with me and settled here where I knew no one would find me. Or at least someone would hardly come looking for me” I chuckled to myself.
It was perhaps the first completely true thing I had told him.

What a miserable life.

He smirked, looking around. “You’ve certainly settled in. How did you find this place anyway? You can’t see much in the storm, but I saw the pyramid nearby” I rubbed my feet together. Yord was sitting right next to them, and I had trouble looking him in the eye, preferring to focus on the tips of my fingers tapping on his knee.

“Sam stole the map” I nodded towards the droid. “I took one of the places that seemed safest and here I am.” He didn’t seem pleased “You’re in the middle of nowhere. I understand wanting to hide, but something could happen to you. What about the baby’s health?”

I was slightly irritated by his implications. I knew very well that being here was dangerous. I knew that by the eighth month it was better to move to a more inhabited center. I already had enough paranoia about being a terrible mother, I didn’t need a Jedi to lecture me. “Do you think I don’t know that? I got checked before coming here, I’m fine. If you had taken Qi—” but I stopped before fully pronouncing his name.

"I am... nervous. I like it here. It's quiet" I sighed, looking down at my lap.

He seemed to realize he had gone too far and, not without some discomfort, gently placed a hand on my bent knee. I paused for a moment, thinking about how much larger his hand was compared to my joint, and he began to slowly stroke the side with his thumb.

"You're right. I spoke out of turn... it's just that I'm nervous too" he grimaced "I can't even ask you to come to Coruscant. Things have only gotten worse these past weeks"

"What are you talking about?" I finally asked, looking at him closely, as he stared off into space. "We couldn't track Qimir. A few days later, the small base where we were keeping Mae was attacked and she managed to escape. We believe he helped her, but there's no proof" he cleared his throat and removed his hand from my leg, to my silent disappointment.

"We haven't told the higher-ups yet. For once, even Jecki agrees with me about warning the council, but Sol won't listen." He sighed tiredly "I don't know what to do. I'm a knight, after all, but Sol seems to know more than any of us, and I don't want to mess things up"

I bit my lip as I watched him rub his eyes. I wanted to comfort him, but I was afraid of exposing myself too much. The story was all too familiar, a Jedi master losing clarity in his decisions, and arrogance blinding everyone else. Sure, it was useful to me, but it was yet another sign that the members of the order no longer understood the way of the Jedi.
At least, the original way.

I didn't know what was going through Sol's mind, but it was clear that instead of worrying about defending everyone, he was now focused only on his own problems.
Not very Jedi-like of him.

The right thing to do would be to advise Yord to report Sol to the council, but if the story came out, I would also end up under scrutiny, and they would surely recognize me. I didn't know what the situation was like on Coruscant now, but Yoda knew who I was. And it was better that he continued to believe I was dead.

"I... don't know. I imagine Sol knows what he's doing, he's a master, after all. He seemed... nice from the little I saw of him" I said, hiding the bile of acid that roiled in my stomach. Yord nodded with an unconvincing smile, but I refrained from adding more.
I had said enough bullshit for one evening.

"Anyway. How are you? Have you had a check-up, right? How many months are you now?" The conversation lightened as I told him about the check-up I managed to have and the movements I felt, although they hadn't happened again since the first time. Yord smiled warmly, warming my heart, not so much for him, but more for the fact that I could talk to someone about the progress of my pregnancy.

"Can I... you know?" he asked hesitantly, pointing to my stomach. I raised an eyebrow in surprise, it wasn't the first time someone had asked me, and during those first five months, it was a constant, though I always refused. I felt uncomfortable letting someone touch my stomach, and the more time passed, the more that innate instinct to protect my child from any external factor grew in me. I knew that eventually, he would come out, grow, and become a separate, independent being, but as long as he was in me, I wanted to keep him close and enjoy that limited time.

I felt guilty saying no to Yord. I had filled him with lies, and now I was putting him in danger. Not to mention that if the Jedi knew he was here, they would surely scold him.

I placed a hand on the mattress next to me, indicating for him to sit. Hesitant, he got up and moved next to me, a hand suspended in the air, unsure of what to do. I gently intertwined our fingers before placing them on my stomach. I was wearing a soft, thick sweatshirt, but the feeling of the taut skin underneath was perfectly perceptible.

It was... strange. I realized how intimate that gesture was. It was hard to explain in words, it reminded me of the first time in bed with Qimir when he caressed my side. They weren't erogenous or particularly intimate zones, but not so common to touch in a person, right? We're used to shaking hands, touching shoulders, arms, bumping into someone's legs, but how often do you find yourself touching someone's stomach? Or hips? The neck, behind the knees... and things like that. It's still something you don't do with just anyone, especially when you're pregnant.

"It's... beautiful" he whispered, and I stifled a smile.
"Sure, I look like an Ortolan, and I'm starting to not feel my feet or my back anymore, but hey, fascinating" we chuckled in unison before he intervened again, "Nothing is ever simple, is it?"

He stroked the fabric slowly with his thumb, lost in thought. I wished I could sense him in the Force at that moment. It was clear something was wrong, it was evident in his eyes even when he laughed. I didn't know exactly what had happened in those days, but it was obvious that recent events were deeply troubling him.

"Are you okay?" I suddenly asked in a faint voice.

The slight smile faded from his face as he pulled his hand away from mine and my stomach. He remained silent for a moment before taking the blanket off his shoulders and putting it on his head to wring out his damp hair.

"I'm a terrible Jedi" he sighed, covering his face for a few seconds with the cloth, then he took it off and piled it on his lap. My eyes involuntarily fell on his sculpted physique, but I looked away, feeling uncomfortable.
It was really not the time.

"Jecki is a little girl, and she's much better than me. I have a padawan, but I'm sure she would improve much faster with a wiser master. I... I don't remember if I had already told you, but I took the trials more than once to become a knight. I didn't... and now I'm here" he looked up at me, "Not that I don't want to. I'm happy to have seen you again and to know that you're okay. But... what am I doing? Why can't I be a good Jedi?" I bit my lip uncomfortably, my arms hugging my belly for comfort.

"You're here to make sure I'm safe, right? That's what Jedi do, protect the innocent" but I wasn't innocent.

Maybe I had been years ago.

"No, I know, but I don't mean that" now we both spoke in low voices, almost not wanting to disturb the other. The thoughts swirling in our heads seemed much louder than the words themselves.

"I... I'm... happy to be here. It makes me feel good. And it shouldn't" he finished with a sigh.

The implication of his words was dubious. One hypothesis was perhaps the most obvious of all, but I felt egocentric even thinking about it. To think that someone like Yord found me... pleasant to have as company.
And not as a friend. But maybe that was the point, right? He didn't know who I really was. I trembled at the thought of him discovering the truth. Maybe he would forgive the lies, but everything else?

If he knew about the people I had killed.
I had taught Qimir to be ruthless.
The pregnancy had put emotional pressure on me, but I... I wasn't a good person anymore.

"I... can't explain in words how happy I am that you're here. When I fled from... him weeks ago, I was terrified. I moved forward because I had to. For my child. But I started to feel so alone and... I thought of you. When you came to visit me, the little things you did for me... you're a good person, Yord. And... I don't know what it means to be a good Jedi-" although it no longer matter to anyone in the order "-but you are more than enough."

He sighed slowly, his face hidden in his hands. It was clear the turmoil in his eyes. I was sorry to see him suffer. But for once, I knew it wasn't my fault. You don't start doubting the order overnight, it's a slow process like poison or a disease.

The wound might be small, almost insignificant, but it grows slowly and inexorably. I am just another doubt on the path, but certainly not the cause of the wound.

"Listen... it's late, why don't we rest? Tomorrow morning the storm should have passed" I tried to change the subject, starting to feel mental and physical fatigue. He didn't say anything, just nodded.

The other stone bunks had been cleared of dust, but they lacked mattresses or blankets. I offered him one of the pillows I used for my back, but he categorically refused, using my backpack instead to rest his head. Fortunately, we had moved all the blankets here, so he could at least cover himself, even though he would sleep on the stone with only a thin sheet separating him from the hard surface.

Just before Sam turned off the lights, we exchanged a glance. Yord looked exhausted, his eyes tired with dark circles I hadn't noticed before.

"Good night, Yord."

"Good night. To both of you" he smiled wearily, pointing to my stomach and warming my insides.

The lights went out, and I closed my eyes.

I didn't even realize that, for the first time in weeks, I managed to fall asleep naturally.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Yord had to rush to the Jedi temple due to a call from Sol. It made me uneasy that he was already up at dawn. I woke up because of the sound of the door opening—it was rusty and old, so as soon as the activation button triggered it, a horrible metallic sound echoed through the structure, waking me from my sleep. I managed to see him leave while he whispered a curse under his breath, and then the door closed behind him.

I caught up with him a few minutes later after a long series of essential curses to get out of bed, a heavy wool coat covering me as I followed his footprints in the snow.

"Hey, you shouldn't be out in the cold like this—" he started, seeing me from afar, the communicator slipping in his pocket. "Sorry, I thought... something had happened" he reached me with a few strides before rubbing my arms in a comforting gesture "Yeah, I have to go, it's... urgent. But I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

I bit my lip. I wanted to ask him what was going on, I was sure that with a bit of persuasion, he would have told me. But the guilt from the other night was still there. Maybe it was better not to know anything. After all, months earlier, I had managed to get away with it for a while until I got myself back into trouble. I should have played the frightened woman and told them to leave me alone forever, but I wanted to save Qimir, and... here I was.

So I nodded and took a step back.
Less than an hour later, I watched him from afar as the ship took off out of orbit.

I felt lost.
I spent the next few hours staring into space. Sam was shoveling the snow that had accumulated in the evening while I munched on some cookies. I didn't know what made me more uneasy, the feeling of loneliness after Yord left or the realization that it wasn't the first time I felt this way.
It felt like I was back on that shuttle, that fateful evening.

I had planned everything perfectly, hidden the supplies in secret compartments, marked the route, everything was ready, I just had to... leave.
Nothing was holding me back, Qimir didn't suspect anything, it was just that... I couldn't do it.
Even though I knew what he had done.
That he had deceived me.

We were together in a dingy inn after doing business with some bounty hunter. We had returned to the room tired after hours of travel, and I had decided that that would be the night.
I was supposed to wake up before him the next morning, so he expected to find himself alone when he woke up, giving me a few hours' head start.

As we undressed to slip into something more comfortable, Qimir stood behind me, his hands gently on my hips as he pulled me close to his bare chest, his soft lips caressing the skin of my neck, making me giggle from the tickle, and he smiled in return "Hands off, tomorrow I have things to do unlike you."

He huffed, his arms gently embracing my waist, although I saw that gesture with an added sense, a shiver of fear thinking about our child growing silently inside me.
"We've been doing business for a couple of years, and that idiot still doesn't trust me" he complained, continuing to kiss my shoulders slowly, his nose brushing behind my ear before leaving another peck on my temple.
"Well. So far, his method has worked. Let's give him credit for that" I smiled at him. He made an annoyed face but said nothing more, turned off the lights, and got into bed. I joined him shortly after, side by side, gently taking his sharp face in my hands before pressing my lips to his, our tongues brushing, his body pressing against mine, his hand in my hair, gently scratching my scalp.
"You know I really care about you despite everything, right?" I whispered against his lips, the implication of that feeling on the tip of my tongue.

"Yes. Of course" he seemed confused, but then he smiled softly at me. My heart burned and melted like molten gold. I wanted to cry.

We found a comfortable position and fell asleep, or rather, I waited for him to fall asleep to slip out of his arms. He had a terribly deep sleep despite his senses, although I believed it was partly because he let his guard down around me.

He didn't hear the door close.
Nor me walking away.
Not even when the engines of the spaceship in the area spaceport started, and I closed our bond.
Because he didn't suspect anything at all.
He thought he had tricked me.
And now I was deceiving him.

Yet once in hyperspace, the emptiness weighed down my insides.

The same emptiness I felt when Yord left that morning.

That fear of not knowing what to do alone, of being lost.

There was no point in thinking about it, none of what I had been living through in recent months made sense.

I slept almost all day.
And again.
It was like being back there.
Helpless.
Defeated.
Like many years ago.

I felt myself slipping away, and I didn't know how to feel better, to... feel anything.

When Yord showed up at my door smiling two days later, I almost burst into tears. I jumped on him, or rather, I tried to, it was more like he lifted me up while I melted into his arms.

He had numerous bags with him, some useful foods for my diet, at least five pairs of gloves because "You move too much, you'll wear these for the cold, and I'll do everything else" and also a silly hat with small horns sewn on. Neither of us had any idea which alien it referenced, but it didn't matter. It was cute.

"Apology gifts for leaving in such a hurry last time"
I hugged him again.
My face buried in his chest as I breathed in the singular smell he carried, my belly pressed between us, safe.

I didn't have the courage to ask him what had happened. He didn't seem inclined to talk about it, and honestly, that was fine with me.
He came on alternate days. Sometimes he managed to stay the night and leave the next morning. I don't know how he managed to keep up the pace, but if he had problems, he didn't say so.

One afternoon, he got the idea of making a snowman.

"It seems like a waste not to make one right here" he said, as happy as a child.
He got to work with Sam as his assistant. After thirty minutes, they barely managed to make a decent base.
I watched them sitting nearby as they fought tooth and nail against the soft snow. The upper part was even more complicated to create, and the head was... well, it could certainly be described as a work of art.
Eyes made with stones and the mouth with broken branches, in the end, the hat he had given me was sacrificed for the snowman, along with a scarf that made it look less... like a mess.
From afar, it looked more like a crooked pyramid than a sweet snowman.
When I pointed this out, Sam flew into a rage, saying it was all Yord's incompetence, while he, on the other hand, said the same about him, and the two started arguing until Sam pulled out the electric shock as the ultimate debate weapon. Yord had to apologize more than once just to get him off his back while running among the trees.

I realized how happy I was because my face sides hurt from the smile I kept having. Sometimes, they weren't even particularly funny things; I just felt so light that I was happy regardless. The only thought that disturbed me in all this was the awareness that I hadn't felt this way since I was a girl when I was still at the Jedi temple.
But I quickly brushed it aside, I didn't want to remember those times now that I was starting to feel good.

The problem was that as I felt better from Yord's presence, he, on the other hand, was increasingly lost in his thoughts.
When he managed to show up early in the morning, we started working on my ship, which had been stationary for so long in the cold that it risked not starting anymore, whether it was the frozen engine or worse.
Yord wasn't particularly brilliant at checking these things, it was more me ordering him what to do while Sam helped him. After less than a day, his fingers were covered in bacta bandages.
He was distracted... sad.

Sitting in one of the ship's internal corridors, we had dismantled the floor to access a tight space where we could check the connection of some main pipes. Yord could barely squeeze in. Every time he bent down, he hit his head somewhere, making me laugh involuntarily, and he, on the other hand, smiled, but it lasted only a moment.

Sitting on one of the supply boxes with tools in hand, I finally cleared my throat. "What's going on?" The silence that followed was suddenly tense.
He kept loosening bolts, and I couldn't even read his expression well with the thick safety glasses covering half of his face.

"What are you talking about? I mean, you know, I'm worried about the usual stuff" One thing I had learned during those days together was the difference in tone based on his mood. He almost always had a tense way of speaking, a playful intonation if the subject was light, and then there was the firm tone. The one he had when his head was in the clouds, worried, irritated... almost angry.

I struggled to realize how much things had changed. If months ago I would have rejoiced at such a sight, now it hurt to see him like this. He had only known that in his life, and solid ground trembled beneath his feet.

I sighed. "Yord. Please. Look at me."

He stopped with the tools in midair. He exhaled heavily through his nose before placing the tools outside the tight space at my feet. He hoisted himself up and calmly began by first taking off his gloves, and finally, his safety glasses, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

"I don't know what to tell you," he exhaled the words before finally looking me in the eyes. Sitting with his legs still dangling in the opening, Sam understood the situation and collected the various tools from our hands before walking away to put them in place.

"I do not want to insist. I just want to... understand what's troubling you so much. Is it still the Sol issue? Is there something else? We're friends, right? Talk to me." I sounded quite whiny to my own ears, maybe I was selfish. Yord indirectly gave me so much happiness that I didn't want it to end. If he was sad, I suffered too, and I craved the warmth we shared more than anything, but I cared, I think.
I still didn't know what to call what I felt.

"Yeah, something like that" he lowered his gaze to my swollen stomach. "Sometimes I think back to what we said that morning some time ago. To tell the truth, that conversation torments me. I thought I had solid faith, but now, in a moment of need, it wavers" His tone was tired, slow, as if he struggled even to speak. "I've realized that I've been wrong up to today. My faith is not strong"

He took a few seconds before clearing his throat "It's just that... I've never cared enough about anyone to compare my priorities" A grimace mixed with a smile tugged at his lips for a moment "I've realized that the code is separate from the order. I... I think Sol is wrong. But I can't separate him from the rest of the order, from our beliefs. I've tried to think about what I should do. But in none of these possibilities did I side with the order, with my faith"

I bit my lip, peeling the skin off nervously, remaining silent and letting him vent, my hands in my lap twisting around my shirt. "Side with who? The Jedi order and...?" Perhaps the answer was obvious, but I wanted to hear him say it.

He looked back at me with a tired smile. "Can I ask you a favor?" I frowned slightly at the abrupt change of subject, the question hanging between us. I nodded slowly.

"I want to do something very stupid. Something that goes against everything I've respected for many years. Please..." He reached out, taking my hands between his, intertwining our fingers "Trust me. If everything goes well, I'll tell you what to do, okay?" A lump in my throat oppressed me, he seemed almost like a condemned man, starting to terrify me.

"And... if things go wrong?"I whispered uncertainly. He smiled.

"Don't worry, I won't let anything hurt you or the baby" I only realized the tears filling my eyes when he reached out to wipe them away slowly with his thumb "T-that's not what I asked," I stammered.

"I'm not alone. Trust me."

With that, he stood up as if nothing had happened, a gentle smile on his lips as he helped me to my feet, and we left the ship to get something to eat. I had puffy eyes all day from uncried tears, and when Yord left that evening with a kiss on my forehead, I quickly ate one of those sleep candies and fell asleep.

The next time he showed up, he sent me a message a few hours before his arrival, something like, "Get ready, I found something you'll like."

He landed late in the afternoon while Sam and I were cooking something more elaborate for dinner on the ship. We heard the engine's hiss and opened the ramp in time to see him arrive, along with a droid and a grav-cart with numerous bags and small boxes on top. I slowly approached him as he walked towards me.

"And... this?" We hugged quickly before he gestured open-handed to everything.
I noticed that as the days passed, we took each other's physical contact more for granted, hugs, walks side by side, a hand behind my back or intertwined fingers, sometimes accompanied by his thumb gently caressing the back of my hand. He couldn't imagine how much I struggled to feel the touch of his skin on my palms, so I found that small gesture even sweeter.

I liked to believe it was a natural instinct that made him do it.

"Yes, I can explain. First of all, you need a check-up since you're reaching eight months" he began, indicating the droid, which gave a small nod and a "miss" as a greeting. "Don't worry, after making sure you're okay, I'll erase its memory and return it to the lender" He nodded while I greeted the droid with a wave.

"The rest you'll see later. I hope you like it, it took me a while to get this stuff"

I had a check-up in the small medical wing of Yord's ship. The droid checked my vital signs and the baby's, and everything was normal. Even the general pains I felt were typical for my state of pregnancy, and apart from some advice and a prescription for vitamins, I could breathe a sigh of relief.

The droid wished me good luck and allowed itself to be deactivated without complaint, its memory erased shortly after.

I was dragged to the couch in the ship's central room, with Sam assisting by moving some of the bags onto the table in front of me. He would never admit or say it himself, but it was clear he liked Yord. Their interactions were more like friendly banter, they teased each other but always helped out, and I enjoyed seeing them together.

"This wasn't planned. One day I was doing some research on Coruscant for a criminal we were looking for. For the record, my padawan found him drunk in an alley with his pants down" he said with raised eyebrows in a frown, and I stifled a laugh with my hand in front of my mouth. "Anyway, the man was arrested, and I had the day off, so while I was heading back to the temple, I stumbled upon this shop and thought of you... and. I mean. Yes, I got you these things, here." He nervously leaned a hand on the table, nodding towards the bags.

I gave him a half-smile before picking a random paper bag and opening it. Inside was a package slightly larger than my hand, wrapped with a ribbon on top. "I didn't know if it made sense to wrap them all, but... in the end, they are gifts, so it seemed nice to do so..." he explained nervously as I unwrapped the package.

When I managed to remove the paper, I saw the back of a yellow package. Turning it around, it took me a few seconds to register what I was looking at. A clear cover showed a baby outfit, with a shirt featuring yellow and white stripes and embroidered with several suns, each with a smiling face.

I looked at it in tense silence for a few moments before tears filled my eyes, and a sob made me startle.

"Hey, hey, don't cry... I... I thought..." Yord moved to my side while Sam handed over tissues from his ever-present purse. "It's so sweet" I sobbed as I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my sweater.

Yord knelt in front of me, his hands on my knees in a reassuring caress "Since you're now in the early eight months, I thought it made sense to start buying something for the baby. So much has happened and... I hoped it would make you happy."

I had to blow my nose before I could say anything. "You're right, I hadn't thought of it at all" I stroked my belly with a trembling hand while still looking at the package in my hands. Yord stood up and started going through the other bags.

The table filled with items like packs of diapers, bottles, blankets, outfits, and bodysuits for newborns, even sets of night gloves and hats. "I had the cashier help me because I really didn't know what to buy. I didn't get many things, just the essentials and..." but I barely listened. I had to constantly wipe away the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. All the outfits were in different colors and patterns, depicting suns, moons, stylized planets or galaxies, animals, and plants. They were beautiful.

"...oh, and this." Setting the empty bags on the floor and the wrapping paper scraps piled in a corner, he took the last one, and again, I had to bite my lip to hold back a sob.

In my hands was a beautiful plush Bantha, with black button eyes and soft fabric horns.
"Out of millions, this one seemed the... cutest? Maybe when the baby is born, you can bring him/her to pick one out, but for now, he can have this" I took it with trembling hands and looked at it, sighing loudly before hugging it to my chest. "Everything is beautiful, Yord. I don't know how to thank you" More tears fell as I looked at him, my vision wavering even as I kept wiping my face.

"You don't have to. I was happy to give you all this, and... you know we need to move you soon. I wanted to make sure you had the essentials in your new home."

I knew he was right; the pregnancy was becoming too much for the place where I was staying. I was convinced that with a bit of effort, I could still manage to live there, but I needed to be realistic about the nature of the pregnancy and, above all, ensure my child was born in a suitable place. At eight months, the chance of a premature birth increased, not to mention the cold winter evenings that sometimes made it impossible to go out, or my ship, which was struggling too much with the snow. Certainly, Yord would accompany me wherever, but having my own means of transport for any emergency was crucial.

"And... I want you to have this"

I was roused from my thoughts as he handed me a small pendrive. I looked at it, confused, as I took it in my hands. Yord took a moment before continuing. "Do you remember what I told you? Well... I... wait to listen to it, alright?" He sighed heavily. "Trust me. Keep it safe, here, look—" he gently took the plush toy from my hands. On its belly, there was a narrow opening from which he pulled out an internal pocket with a small zipper. He opened it, took the pendrive, and hid it inside before putting everything back in the toy. "Don't listen to it. Not now. When you're safer. And maybe when your child is born. Or I'll tell you. Don't lose it and... just... trust me, okay?"

I understood that something was wrong. I imagined it had to do with the Order, but at that moment, I was too overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the last few minutes to think clearly, so I just nodded.

I trusted him.

"Okay."

Chapter Text

One day during a walk in the forest, a light snowfall began. The white and jagged clouds above us created a surreal atmosphere. The white daylight, accompanied by this bluish sky and the small snowflakes falling lightly around us, was spectacular.

Not so much because of the whole scene, as it had become a habitual sight after weeks spent here, but more for the sense of peace it brought, the silence that accompanied you, the muffled sound of footsteps in the snow, the woods hiding small creatures. If one had been careful, you could have seen them playing, rolling in the white, and hiding from unwanted eyes, it was all beautiful.

I hated that despite everything, I couldn't fully enjoy this peace. Even with the suppressed force in my senses, the call of the dark side never disappeared, just like the thoughts that tormented me when I was alone. Whether I liked it or not, I still firmly believed in the Sith code at that time and knew that what I was experiencing wasn't real. Or rather, it was only temporary joy. I couldn't hide here forever, and the thought burned my stomach.

Anyway, I walked with Yord's cloak over my shoulders, the hood covering my head. We held hands, keeping a slow pace along the riverbed we had discovered some time ago. We reached a large smooth rock where we decided to sit.
Luckily, we had started predicting the snowfalls, so Yord was promptly armed with an umbrella. He wedged it into one of the cracks and then turned to me. I blushed a bit when he gently placed his hands on my waist and pushed me up to sit well under the umbrella. Once he was sure I was comfortable, he hoisted himself up next to me. The constant sound of the stream in front of us was relaxing, with the snow accumulating on the grassy ground and the sky continuing to fill with clouds. I knew we would have to return home soon, but it was nice to enjoy the breeze.

"We should start deciding where to move you. We chose those cities in the mid-rim, but we need to analyze the places better to choose the final one" he began with a slow sigh. He didn't seem tired or bored, more... relaxed, actually. I was happy to see him like that.
"I know. I already asked Sam last night to look at some data. When we get back, we'll check everything."

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, nervously placing my hands on the rock or in my lap in nervous gestures. I wanted to move closer to him, even just to hold his arm, but I didn't have the courage. Basically, I didn't consider myself a particularly shy or awkward person, my previous experiences had been very direct except... well, Qimir. But with Yord, it was different. I longed for the warmth of his body more and more each day, his smile, his gentle gestures, everything.
But I didn't deserve it. None of this was real. At least not for me.
He couldn't imagine how much I was hiding from him. I wondered if he would discover the truth one day. What would he think of me? That I had deceived him using the dark side? That it was a plan from the beginning? Maybe... no. He would never take my son away from me.

I knew I was merging several fears together; the last few nights had been heavy for me. I had managed to sleep naturally, yet I always woke up tormented by nightmares.

They all started and ended the same way, with only slight differences.
I would open my eyes in a hospital bed, my body aching and a constant ringing in my ears. When I tried to move my neck, I could see a nightstand full of get-well-soon cards and balloons on my left.

At that point, I realized I was dreaming.

The room, the pain, the balloons, I wasn't imagining the future but recalling the past.

I would sit up to get out of bed and leave the room, the empty corridors with flickering lights, looking at myself and noticing the hospital gown, my body covered in bandages, and my too-thin, jagged fingers. It was all there.
Me, my guilt, and my pains. Again, a fifteen-year-old consumed by fear.

I knew I was dreaming, but I didn't know how to wake up, so I walked along the corridors without a real destination, door after door in a corridor too long to be natural.
Then I heard a baby's cry.

I quickened my pace with my heart in my throat until I was running so fast that I would open the doors with my shoulder, one, two, three, five, and then... finally, the sunlight.

The corridor ended in a double door wide open that seemed to face outside, the blinding light forcing me to cover my eyes with an arm.

And at that point, I realized something had changed. My body was healed, mature, the tattoos on my skin, I looked at my healed hands and then lower.
At my pregnant stomach. And at the pool of blood between my legs soaking my feet.

The baby's cry grew louder, I looked up again and saw them, two dark figures in Jedi robes, a newborn in the arms of one of them wriggling and crying at the top of his lungs, the head full of smooth black hair.
My beautiful baby. I could feel it, I knew it was him, that he was mine.

I reached out a hand towards them, but I couldn't move, and so I screamed, but nothing came out of my mouth and as the doors closed in front of my eyes leaving me in the dark, the sound of the walls collapsing around me was the last thing I heard before waking up.

When I opened my eyes, I hissed in panic, touching my stomach to make sure I was fine, checking if I was losing blood, but nothing seemed out of place except for the frantic rhythm of my heart. One morning, Yord was sleeping in the bed next to mine and saw everything. It took him half an hour to reassure me that I was fine. I sobbed in his arms and let him hold me without protest while he whispered comforting words in my ear.

Yord would never hurt me. He would never take my son away from me.

It's just that... I couldn't stop thinking about those two figures. And if it wasn't just a nightmare? If it was a vision? A warning?

"Hey? Are you listening to me?" I woke up from the trance I had entered and looked at him, our faces almost touching. Probably while I was lost in my thoughts, he had wrapped an arm around my waist, pressing me gently to his side, the warmth of his body numbing my colder one. "You're still thinking about those nightmares, aren't you? Sabrina... please, you have to let it go. I promised you, you'll be fine. I won't let anyone hurt you, okay?" He was so close I could feel his breath on my skin. "I know. I'm just tired" I tried to reassure him with an unconvincing smile.

He looked at me in silence for a few seconds, his eyes lowering to my lips for a moment, and I couldn't help but blush, but the matter dropped there.
We returned to enjoying the silence without adding anything else. His arm still around my waist, and his hand slowly caressing my side, sometimes I could feel small kicks or movements of the baby that made me smile.

In the end, I had the courage to rest my head on his shoulder.

At dinner, we ate hot soup. That evening, Yord was supposed to leave, so I was a bit sad, but I avoided making it obvious, not wanting to make the atmosphere heavy.

We had checked the marked areas several times, counting the pros and cons of each place. Officially, Qimir was still on the loose and well hidden, but we knew he would avoid too urban areas for safety. There was no official warrant for his arrest as the whole story continued to be kept secret, but it was not convenient for him to walk among so many hypothetical cameras.

To be honest, Yord wasn't happy that I was going to the city either, but it was objectively the best choice. I knew there was something unsaid that he kept to himself. Even the pendrive he had given me was a huge question mark in the room, but I liked to continue living in the lie that everything was fine, at least for a little while longer.

"Isn't there really anyone you can go to?" he sighed, reading for the umpteenth time the crime rate of some inhabited areas on the holopad.
I sighed amusedly while tying my hair into a bun on top of my head. "I told you, a job like mine doesn't easily lead to making friends. Trust me."

He sighed again.

"I get it. But before? Childhood friends, distant relatives..." We had already lightly touched on the subject a couple of times, more about my family and hypothetical cousins or uncles who could host me. I had used a pretty banal excuse to dodge the subject. The classic teenager running away from oppressive parents. It was a fairly common tale. During the years I actually worked as a smuggler, I had met some friendly faces with whom to share a drink now and then. Many were teenagers looking for adventures or small criminals tired of being scolded by their parents.

"No one who would recognize me."
I couldn't help but think back to my nightmare. Or at least, the first part, when I was in the hospital bed. I was sure it was a memory, I didn't clearly have it in my head every day, more like scattered fragments. One thing I remembered well was the get-well-soon cards next to my bed, the balloons, the flowers.

The visits from my master. But my friends... I didn’t remember well.
I believe that the people I had bonded with during the years of training together were no longer on Coruscant when I ended up in the hospital.
Maybe they sent me some messages... I didn't... have clear memories of that period.

Yord noticed my change in mood and quickly changed the subject.
"Let's drop it. I actually had an idea" he moved the various trinkets and dirty dishes on the floor and then sat closer to me.
"I was thinking. Before you take your last complete break and then be occupied with the baby, maybe we could go to a fair together" I looked at him confused, raising an eyebrow.
"A... what are you saying? It's dangerous—" but he interrupted me, "I've already checked everything. It's a small fair held inside a luna park, it's not a very big city, I saw pictures from previous years, and it's calm. I'll be by your side the whole time, and you can eat one of those disgusting caramel treats you like so much—" I hit him on the arm, offended "Those sweets are delicious, you don't understand anything"
He clutched his arm dramatically, emitting a soap opera-worthy groan of pain, and collapsed onto the bed next to me. In response, I slapped him on the back while trying to suppress a smile.
"Mercy, mercy, I apologize, my lady" he turned to me and sighed, relaxed.

"Anyway. I checked everything. And Sam helped me, for the record, if you really don't trust me" he propped himself up on an elbow, pointing his thumb at my droid, who whistled an insult in response.
"Yes, you're very funny, we know" Yord replied, rolling his eyes.
He turned to me again and took my hand in his, a gesture that by now felt natural to us.
"I promise it will be fun. And if you feel tired or don't like it, I'll bring you back here immediately."

I stayed silent for a few moments before sighing deeply, rubbing one eye with a hand. "And when would it be?"
The smile he gave me squeezed my heart like a vise, warmer than the suns of Tatooine.
"Well. If we leave in three days, I was thinking the evening before. We pack everything onto the ship, I take you there in the evening, and we'll be back by early morning or just before. You can sleep while we're traveling to your new home"

I played absentmindedly with the fingers of his hand. I was obsessed with the difference in the length of our fingers, but in general, he surpassed me in everything, just think about how tall he was.
"We still haven't called to inquire about the apartment" I murmured, not convinced of his plan, but he shrugged "I can use my Jedi authority to speed up the paperwork."
I chuckled. "That's not very Jedi-like" but his only response was another laugh.

The days passed peacefully until the fateful evening.
We had packed everything according to plan, leaving only the bed and blankets for safety. All the devices to disassemble would take us little time the next morning, especially with Yord's Force powers to quickly transport them back onto the ship.

Shortly before leaving, I went back to the control room to retrieve my datapad, which I had left charging inside. I grabbed it just in time to notice the red message light.

I froze for a moment.
It had to be Qimir, no one else had this frequency.
I stared at the red light, my hands itching.
He hadn't contacted me for a month since the last time, and now he was sending me a message again?

I thought about it over and over again. Then I took courage and turned everything off.
I was about to go have fun, I didn't want his words to torment my evening. I was trying to move on, and I would do it.

I got off the ship, ready to leave. I was wearing one of the long dresses specific for my now eight-month pregnancy, with soft sleeves and a long skirt that fell warm and comfortably over my stomach, a long heavy coat over my shoulders while holding a lighter one in my hand for when we arrived. I felt pretty, even with the ever-present ballet flats on my feet, which were mandatory given the weight I now constantly carried.

Sam whistled a greeting and wished me a good evening, slipped a few tissues into the small bag I had slung over my shoulder, and retreated into the house, ready to continue the series he now watched every day. We had practically left the holonet on just for him to pass the evening.

I got on Yord's ship in time to see him coming out of the bedroom. He had decided to avoid Jedi robes to attract less attention and lower the chances of being recognized. He was wearing a loose yellow striped shirt and soft dark brown pants, almost looking like a thug, and it made me laugh.
"What? I look good, don't I? Really, no one will suspect anything like this" the amusement in his voice didn't escape me.
"Of that, I have no doubt." He approached me and leaned down to give me a light kiss on the cheek. "You look beautiful by the way"

I blushed from head to toe if that was possible. "I look as wide as a Bantha" I murmured, looking at my feet, or at least trying to, given the belly in between, but Yord placed a hand on my cheek and made me look into his eyes. "A beautiful Bantha" he whispered, a playful glint in his eyes.
I made an irritated expression and hit him on the chest with a hand before stepping back a couple of steps. "Let's go before I change my mind" and fled to the pilot's seat, my heart still pounding in my chest.

We arrived in the city in a few hours since the planet wasn't far away, parking in a designated space right next to the luna park. I didn't know the place or the fair itself, but I had read it was a recurring event, so everything was well organized.

I got off, arm in arm with Yord along the busy street. I hadn't realized how much I missed civilization until that moment. After all, how long had I been on that moon now, almost two months? And only one with Yord's visits.
I still preferred the snow, but the city lights had always been my home, they were familiar.

The luna park was full of attractions, stalls with droids selling various kinds of food, and shows of all kinds.
No matter where you turned, something always caught your attention. I felt like a kid, wanting to get closer to everything I saw. Yord himself pointed out the nicest places, being taller than the average crowd, he could easily guide me along the best path to reach the attractions.

For obvious reasons, I skipped all the more thrilling rides, not that it was a big loss for me since I never liked them. But we played a lot of arcade games and prize booths.
Yord also participated in the classic shooting gallery because he absolutely wanted me to get another stuffed animal from the ones on display for the winners. Technically, given his Jedi reflexes and training, we were... cheating? But neither of us worried too much, and even the alien at the booth quickly realized it was pointless to keep letting him play since he never missed a shot, simply letting me choose the stuffed animal I preferred.

We played simpler games like ping pong or basketball, and I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't doing too badly either, though I didn't know if it was just muscle memory and training or if some Force instinct was still dormant there.

All I know is that I was happy.
I couldn't stop smiling, and Yord next to me never let go of my hand, showing a completely relaxed expression after weeks.

In the end, my feet began to beg for mercy, and I had to sit at some tables while Yord ordered some sweet treats from a stall. I enjoyed the light breeze as I sprawled on the chair, one hand gently caressing my belly. Even he in there kept lightly kicking. I liked to think he was enjoying the fair with us, even if he couldn't see it.
Yord was convinced he would be Force-sensitive, given his father's nature, and that's why he got agitated in specific situations. He could sense my change in mood and act accordingly.
I didn't know if that made sense, but it was a cute thought. I naively hoped it was true.

Yord joined me at the table with two plates in hand, having brought me a warm waffle covered in chocolate and caramel, not exactly suitable for my diet, but it was the first indulgence I made, and I doubted it would hurt.
We sat at the outermost spot to get away from the noise of the fair and enjoy the meal. We didn't say anything except for compliments on the sweets. Occasionally, I could see Yord sneaking quick glances at me and blushing, but I refrained from commenting. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so good.
Or maybe, there really had never been a moment like this.
And it wasn't the place.
Or the situation after all those months of ups and downs.
It was him.
The way he looked at me, talked to me, touched me... I... adored him. I... I...
Loved him.

A solitary tear fell from my eye, but I wiped it away before he could notice.

I was finally understanding what that burning feeling in my chest or the prickling in my eyes meant—it was love.
Not passion, attachment, or possession.

Love.
And it was so beautiful it hurt, like being sucked into a black hole.

I kept my thoughts to myself, we got up and decided to take one last tour of the things we had missed before leaving and ending the evening.

We walked towards some stalls, hand in hand, fingers intertwined, when we stopped in front of one with colorful bracelets and necklaces.
I stopped to look at them all carefully until I saw one that caught my attention.
It was a pendant with a thin chain and a simple blood-red drop hanging from it.
I pointed it out to the owner, who handed it to me for a closer look. "Excellent choice, this was made with a very rare precious stone, they even say it has the same origin as the crystals used in Jedi lightsabers" she told us with a proud air.

I couldn’t help but cast an amused glance at Yord, who responded with a half-smile.
I doubted it was as precious as the elderly lady claimed, given how little she charged us, but it didn’t matter, I liked it.

She wrapped it in a small paper package, but Yord immediately took it out. "Move your hair" he said, positioning himself behind me, so I took my hair to the side and lifted it to let him put the chain around my neck. Once done, I turned to him. "How does it look?" I asked, hands around my stomach.
He gave me yet another of his many smiles that evening before responding in a murmur "Beautiful."

I opened my mouth to reply, but the shop lady, who had been watching the scene, cleared her throat, drawing our attention. "I hope I’m not being intrusive, but I wanted to tell you that you really seem like an adorable couple. Your child is very lucky."

I was stunned by her words. Of course, from an outsider’s perspective, we looked like a happy family, but I hadn’t really thought about it until that moment. Yord next to me gave a small nod, a clear blush spreading across his face. "Thank you, that’s very kind" and with that, he took my hand again to quickly lead me away (as fast as my waddling gait allowed).

We remained silent as we walked towards the exit, the woman’s words replaying in my head. I watched Yord’s back in silence, biting my lip.
That comment had awakened me from the veneer of lies I had wrapped us in.
We weren’t a couple.
He wasn’t my child’s father.
I wasn’t just a mother on the run.
Nor was he just any man.
It was all a farce.

And I was at the top of the pyramid of lies we had accumulated.

~~~~◇~~~~

"Are you okay?" We stopped at the exit of the fair, and I almost crashed into his back, the chaos of the crowd now a background hum and the colored lights of the attractions barely reaching us, intermittently illuminating parts of our bodies.

"If it’s about what the lady said, I’m sorry if I didn’t correct her—" he began nervously running a hand through his hair, but I interrupted him. "No, it’s my fault, you must have felt uncomfortable, forced to pretend to be a civilian for me..." I looked around nervously, feeling the sting of tears in my eyes but wanting to keep my composure.

"What are you talking about? Sabrina. I... wanted this. I don’t regret anything I’ve done so far." I don’t know with what courage I turned to look him directly in the eyes.
A determined but gentle expression on his features, hands clenched into fists at his sides as if restraining himself from moving.

But bile was rising in my throat.
All the lies told were at the tip of my tongue, making my breath short, like I had run a marathon.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

"Don’t you understand?!" I snapped loudly. "I’m deceiving you!"

Fortunately it was so late that no one seemed to be passing by that part of the road, and the noise nearby covered the sound of our voices from prying ears, yet I heard nothing but the two of us.
My heart pounded in my ears as hot tears fell inexorably from my eyes.

I waited with trembling hands for Yord’s reaction, but he seemed impassive.

"If you mean things about your past, I already figured you hadn’t told me everything or had hidden some truths" his calm tone drove me crazy.
How could he react like that?
Didn’t he believe me?
Had I deceived him so much that he thought I was too naive to really hide something?

"You’re not listening to me. All this is false! I, us, everything I’ve told you—" I had to press my hands to my mouth as a sob shook my limbs, my eyes closed, and tears slipping over my hands and the sleeves of my dress. "How can you answer me like that?!" I stammered, taking a trembling step back, trying to take another, but Yord’s hands gently held my arms.

A quick memory took me back to months before when Qimir had grabbed me in the same spot, leaving marks for weeks.
Yet in the same grip now, there was only gentleness.

"I love you" Yord said firmly, taking me by surprise.
I looked at him, shocked as he continued, "You may as well take my heart, Sabrina, it's already full of you"
I bit my lip hard as my body shook with another sob. "Please go-" I whispered, trying to move away, but his fingers only held me more firmly, never digging into my flesh.
"What is it? What’s wrong, my dear?" He asked with a hurt look. I had to wipe my nose with my sleeve to be able to say the next words. "You know nothing about me. You’ve known me only three weeks" I cried, but he didn’t seem discouraged.

"Three weeks? Sabrina, I’ve known you all my life" A bitter laugh escaped me. "All your life" I repeated breathlessly.
But Yord seemed more convinced with every word.

"It’s true, I’ve seen you in a thousand plays, read you in as many books. When I’ve heard beautiful music, I’ve thought she’d like that. I look at flowers knowing that one day I’ll give them to you." Our faces were close, even though I struggled to see beyond my nose with my eyes full of tears.
"Stop, stop, if only you knew what I really am—"
"I’d still love you." he interrupted with a whisper before completely leaning into me, his lips pressing gently against mine wet with salty tears.

I trembled like a leaf against him as one arm wrapped around my waist and pressed me gently in his hold, my belly against his abs, while the other hand left my arm to rest on my cheek and deepen the kiss.

A rational part of me still wanted to rebel against this, to flee in shame for what I had become, but my legs had turned to jelly, and the taste of his lips was intoxicating.

Instinctively, I ran my hands through his hair, pushing him even closer to me, his thumb wiping away some of my still falling tears, our mouths moving in unison in what felt like a familiar dance.

In the end, I had to pull away to catch my breath, our faces still close together as we panted heavily.

"Let’s go home, okay?" He whispered hoarsely against my lips, and I could only nod as I tried to steady my breathing.

He stepped away from me and bent to pick up the bag with the stuffed animal I hadn’t even noticed he had dropped, then gently offered me his hand.

I grasped it with trembling fingers.

As we walked towards the ship, I quickened my pace to stay next to him, leaving his grasp to wrap my arms around his waist, my cheek resting on his chest.
"I love you too, Yord" I finally said with a trembling voice. He gave me a kiss on the head, and we continued on our way home.

Chapter Text

The return trip was a mix between tense silence and comfortable quiet. There was an enormous Bantha in the cockpit with us, but neither of us knew how to start the conversation. I had wiped my tears on the way to the ship and quickly washed my face before leaving to alleviate the redness around my eyes, but I was still breathing with trembling lips, partly due to the clogged nose after the outburst.

Yord had wanted to change clothes once we were back in hyperspace, mumbling that he felt strange wearing those pants for too long, but I think it was just an excuse to take a moment alone away from the heavy atmosphere around me. Seeing him sit at the controls in the Jedi robe almost made me cry again. It felt like a slap in the face, a beautiful fairy tale, yes, but one that ended here.

Sure, the words he had said to me were... beautiful at the moment.
But how feasible were they, really? And nothing was resolved anyway. He had said he suspected something, but that meant nothing.

I remained seated in the copilot's chair, looking at my hands on my belly. Even the baby was probably asleep, so I couldn't even pretend I was really distracted by something. I didn't even have the courage to turn around and look at him.

And worse, all this discomfort was ticking at the back of my mind, piece by piece I was reconnecting the path I had been following until that moment, the circle of my life repeating like a joke.

Me undergoing a radical change, uncontrollable outbursts, losing touch with the Force, and then... the violence.
I could hear it whispering in the back of my mind, a white noise so faint I thought I was imagining it, sometimes a sound without form, sometimes words.

But no one was in my head except me.
It was me. Talking to myself.
And I was ordering myself to do something.
To...

I exhaled deeply, my eyes wide open, staring into the blue of hyperspace in front of me, a breath of air filling my lungs and distracting me from my own thoughts. Yord next to me turned concerned, "Hey, what's wrong? A kick? A contraction?" he leaned in my direction, but I stopped him with a wave of my hand "Yes, just a kick. He must have shifted in his sleep using my organs as a pillow" I lied, smiling weakly at him.

He seemed reassured by my explanation, giving me a nod of understanding. He returned to his original position in the chair, a nervous sigh escaping his lips. "You know I was sincere before, right? I love you."

I looked at him as he gave a quick glance at my stomach, then back at me "I want you to understand that. I can imagine what I look like, a Jedi who suddenly has a crush and doesn't know what he's doing, but I-" He started speaking, speeding up with each word he added "-I've thought about it for a long time, i've decided what I want to be in my life"

He turned the chair towards me, grabbing the armrest of my chair with one hand, forcing me to look directly at him, the other hand on my knee "You make me feel like everything I've learned up to now really has a purpose. I was lucky to meet you, and I don't want to lose this opportunity" I ignored the little voice in my head that noted how similar his speech was to what Qimir had said to me in his message, and after a trembling breath, I replied "I am happy about... this-" I indicated between the two of us "It's just... I've told you so many lies. I wonder if you're really in love with me. Or if you've developed feelings for a figure I've built around myself but doesn't really exist" I admitted with a trembling voice.

He took my hands in his and squeezed them reassuringly, a thumb stroking my knuckles. "Is it because of what you told me about your past? I told you, we already suspected you were lying to us, from the first day when we met you"

He cleared his throat.
"I mean, a smuggler with no past? At first glance, the files in your database seemed normal, everything you might find on a criminal of that rank. But we were desperate for useful information, so we tried to dig a little deeper" he let go of my hands and then leaned back in the chair. "No date of birth. No relatives. No connections to major gangs like the Hutts. Even your fingerprints are hard to retrieve" he shrugged casually. "We figured there was something more. But none of that helped us find Qimir, so we let it go"

I bit my lip nervously, I guess I could consider that a stroke of luck, at least in part.
"And then there was that morning" he continued "I felt guilty about disturbing you again, i could see in your eyes how much you didn't want to be there. So I brought you breakfast and..." he chuckled "You looked at me with those eyes. Like you knew more than I did. About the Order. You're not the first to have that tone towards a Jedi, but there aren't that many who do it, not like you at least"

A few seconds passed before a lost smile escaped him, lost in his thoughts "At first, I thought you were a Mandalorian, they really hate us, whether it's because of the history of the wars or to make fun of us for the attack on the temple. Sol thought so too, but we never saw you with an actual piece of armor on, and when you escaped, we searched your house, but there was nothing." I nodded, continuing to listen to him. I had also admitted to making Qimir's helmet, so it seemed like a logical hypothesis. "And I mean, Mandalorians don't leave a pregnant woman from their clan alone. Even if she had broken some rule"

I fidgeted with my shirt nervously, this would have been a good moment to say something, even just one truth. I opened my mouth with trembling lips, but no sound came out. My leg bounced slightly in a nervous tic, and my gaze was lost on the floor "I also thought you were the daughter of some politician on the run. We've been having a lot of problems in the Senate lately, and... I don't know. It's hard to believe someone could have so much antipathy for the Jedi"

"And what do you think now?" I finally asked in a barely audible voice. The silence that followed was terrible. He said he loved me, but deep down, I still loved Qimir even after everything that had happened. You can't just switch off and pretend nothing was ever there.
Yord could love and hate me at the same time for all I knew.

"I think there's a more serious reason why you don't want to tell me the truth. Beyond the smuggler's life or the childhood you never want to talk about. The friends you say you don't have. Your... relationship with Qimir" I looked up at him, my eyes again filled with tears I was holding back with all my might.

I had to say something. Anything. One truth. He deserved it.

"I... I've done things far worse than smuggling goods. I didn't..." the words came out trembling. "I've hurt a lot of people" a solitary tear rolled down my cheek, my gaze again meeting his "But I don't regret anything."

I remained silent, hoping he understood what I was saying. Even after everything he had said, I couldn't clearly admit what I had done.

On Coruscant, more than one place was indelibly stained with the blood of my victims. Master Yoda always said that the dark side is like a gas, a disease, it remains imprinted on the walls for a long time, clouding the senses. If you're not able to recognize its mark, you risk being deceived when you face it.

Is that what happened? Were the signs of the Force I left behind still in the temple? Maybe they still haunted the corridors. I always wondered what they told the others, I knew it had all been covered up, but in those following months, I was very far from any kind of civilization or media.

"Whatever it is. We will face it together when you want to talk about it" I turned to see the ship coming out of hyperspace, the snowy moon below us starting to give me a feeling of nostalgia knowing these would be the last hours I would spend here.

Yord had to turn around to take control while I buckled the seatbelt under my belly. "I'm just saying you might misunderstand-" "No" he interrupted me.
"Everything we've done together this month has nothing to do with whatever you've done or said in the past. I want to continue spending time with you because you make me feel good. And I'm sure nothing we experienced together was fake"

I remained silent, not knowing what to say. He was wrong. Sure, my feelings were sincere, but a murderer in love is still a murderer.

We reached the usual clearing where Yord usually parked the ship. It was still late evening when we landed, and I thought I'd take advantage of it to rest for a few hours before the actual journey. I would miss the icy air in the morning.

I got up, quickly putting the heaviest jacket on my shoulders. The ramp opened onto the forest, where a light snowfall was falling from the cloudy sky. I used a small light to find my way to the temple, knowing Yord would join me shortly after turning everything off. The ballet flats on my feet were terrible now that the ground was covered with at least two centimeters of snow, I shivered at the icy sensation, but I hurried back to the shelter, hoping to get those things off as soon as possible.

I quickly passed in front of the pyramid before stopping at the door. I knocked, calling Sam's name, but received no response.

I sighed, noticing the lights were off. He had probably gone to recharge before the trip. I took the magnetic key from my pocket when I noticed something as I glanced down.

The door wasn't closed.

Slight sparks were visible on the floor where some wires had short-circuited. Only a slight gap was open when you looked at it more closely.

A sense of panic filled my insides. There were no animals that could break through such a thick metal door, nor people who would venture up here—at least, I was sure of that until now.
The metal was slightly bent inward, so it was impossible to push it back onto the original track inside the wall. I had to struggle to create enough space to let myself in. I wanted to call Yord, but I had to make sure Sam was okay first.

I pressed the light switch next to the door, but they only flickered on for a moment before blowing out in a small explosion. I raised an arm in front of my eyes to shield myself from the sudden flash, only to find myself in darkness again.
"Sam?!" I shouted in panic, not hearing the familiar sound of his wheels on the floor or the chirping of his circuits.

I pointed the flashlight around me, and my breathing quickened. It looked like a tornado had passed through—blankets and pillows on the floor, my backpack partly overturned on one side, some pieces of the interior smashed, with rocks scattered everywhere. "Sam?" I called out again, in a weaker voice. There was no doubt, someone had broken in and destroyed everything.

I took a few more steps in the dark, holding the flashlight at my feet for fear of tripping. The light wasn't very strong, and I struggled to see beyond my nose. I reached halfway through the room when a familiar piece of metal glinted near my feet—Sam's small shock arm.

Detached and broken on the floor.

I gasped as tears filled my eyes. I raised the flashlight in front of me, and after a few seconds, with trembling hands, I saw him—in the back of the room, broken or bent into pieces, his single eye shattered and lifeless.

'Sam!' I cried out with a broken voice. I grabbed my skirt with one hand as I stumbled toward him, collapsing to my knees with a thud as I tried to understand what had happened to him. There were no cuts or signs of blaster burns, more like he had crashed into the wall at full speed, bending on impact.

My hands trembled as I tried to determine if the memory unit was still intact. I had to remove part of the already bent upper cover to get my hands inside. The flickering light didn't help me see well, but I couldn't get a firm grip as tears filled my eyes.

'Sam...' I sobbed, pricking my finger on the sharp glass of his eye that jutted out in front. A drop of blood fell down my thumb to my wrist when the realization hit me.

Someone had slammed him against the wall.
No signs of explosions.
They had used the Force.

Just as they had bent the sliding door and then slid it back.

It wasn't possible, and yet...

"Sabrina!" Yord's shout from outside made my heart skip a beat. I struggled to stand as I leaned out of the miraculously intact window. I saw him coming from the trees, a small torch hanging from his robes, a worried look on his face as if he already knew something was wrong. Had he seen someone? Had he been attacked?

The power had gone out, so I couldn't open the window with the button. I didn't know if it was safer to go outside or stay in the dark. Who could assure me that the danger wasn't in here with me?

Then, like a flash in the storm, I saw it. From the side, above where the entrance to the Sith temple was, a lightsaber was hurled straight at Yord. I let out a cry as it nearly took off his head, but luckily he managed to dodge it just in time, rolling into the snow. Then his gaze turned upward to where I couldn't see because of the small window.

Instinctively, I turned off the torch I was holding, remaining in the darkness of the shelter, my eyes fixed on Yord as he shouted out Qimir's name.

I bit my lip hard, holding back another wave of tears.

He had found us.
He had found me.

And he was furious.

I heard him shout something, but he was too far away for me to understand. Yord's worried expression was enough to tell me it wasn't anything good, along with the small step back he took as if something had truly frightened him.

I didn't have time to move before the red flash returned to my sight, the silhouette of Qimir lunging forcefully at Yord with quick, lethal strikes in the dark, barely avoiding them. I pressed my hands over my mouth, my cheeks wet with tears as I watched helplessly, my legs trembling like a leaf. Now more than ever, I felt like a pale imitation of what I once was, the strength and confidence I had lost fading in tandem with my body softening to make space for my child.

I should have helped him.
Alone, I would never have been able to stop Qimir, and I imagined it was too late to try to calm him down.
He had entered here, seen the two beds, and maybe even rummaged through my ship for all I knew, and now he saw him here. He had already figured out what was happening.

The two clashed with force when I realized Yord didn't have his lightsaber with him. I hadn't seen it on him, even on the ship. Neither of us thought he'd need it, and whatever drove him in my direction had made him forget his weapon.

He defended himself as best he could, but he was clearly at a disadvantage, and Qimir didn't seem to have any moral limits holding him back. I caught glimpses of it thanks to the torchlight on the Jedi robes and the lightsaber until Yord landed a lucky punch on Qimir's face, who suddenly stopped as the other stepped back, trying to gain safer ground.

"Tell me, Jedi. What do you think you're doing with my partner?" They were close enough now for me to hear what was being said. Qimir's hair fell in front of his face, making it hard for me to see him clearly as he targeted Yord like a predator playing with its prey.

"Your partner? Haven't you made her suffer enough?" Yord replied, almost growling, for the first time a grimace of anger on his face. In response, Qimir began to laugh.

"Poor Jedi. Don't misunderstand, I get it" he said, slowly stepping through the snow, the lowered lightsaber leaving a trail of burned snow and grass behind it "She has that effect on people. She gets under your skin. And suddenly, everything you've fought for no longer makes sense"

Yord began to walk along his trail, keeping a safe distance. I crouched lower to avoid being seen from the window, the position terrible for my knees, but the fear of moving too much gave me the necessary endurance.

"I don't know what you're talking about. It's my duty to keep her safe from you" Yord responded, his face stern, his gaze focused on his opponent.

"Please. At least now, when you're about to die, be honest. Here? Alone with her? Do you think I'm stupid?" I swore I could hear his voice growing more visceral, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Tell me. Did you fuck her? The mother of my child. Did you fuck her?!" With a flick of the arm holding the lightsaber, a shockwave sent snow and debris flying toward the temple steps before rolling back into the snow.

Even Yord seemed to sense how quickly things were spiraling out of control, getting back into a defensive stance. My eyes darted between the two, terrified of what might happen next.

It was while looking at the red reflection that I remembered. I slowly backed away from the window and turned the torch back on, dimming it in the hope that Qimir was too distracted to realize I was here. Or even if he already knew, it was better not to draw attention to the movement. I pointed the light at the floor as I searched for my backpack.

I grabbed it from the ground and dug to the bottom, hoping for a miracle. I was frantically pulling out clothes, hoping to touch the familiar metal of my lightsaber. Finally, when I emptied the last items onto the rocky surface, the sound of metal hitting the floor was like music to my ears.

I grabbed the lightsaber with trembling hands, using one of the beds to help pull myself up again when a loud crash outside made me jump. The windows bent unnaturally inward, glass shattering and scattering across the floor, fortunately not far enough to reach me.

I stepped cautiously forward to look outside, but I couldn't see either of them anymore. The ground was deeply marked by a trench leading toward the thick trees.

Gathering my courage, with the lightsaber firmly in hand, I ran out of the shelter, following the trail. My feet sank into the ground and snow, my quick steps splashing drops and clumps of dirt onto my ankles and dress. The torch was my only guide as I followed the grooves, and when they ended, I simply continued along the path of fallen or partially cut trees. I was terribly slow given the downhill terrain, but I finally caught up with them.

The red glow of Qimir’s lightsaber and Yord’s torch in the distance, the sound of slashes, and the snow evaporating upon contact with the heat.

Only a few meters away from them, I finally shouted, "Yord!" before throwing my lightsaber into the air in his direction. He promptly called it to him, igniting it in a fluid motion and blocking a strike from Qimir.

Red against red.

If we survived this, I’d have to answer a lot of questions, but now wasn't the time to worry about that.

I stepped back when I saw Qimir turn towards me, the light of the sabers outlining his silhouette in the dark of night.
"Look at you, darling. Conspiring against me."

Yord took the opportunity to free himself from his disadvantageous position and tried to strike him, but Qimir easily dodged. “Don’t look at her, bastard!” he shouted. The movements were harsh, perhaps slowed by the deeper snow in this spot, but Qimir seemed to have no trouble compared to him.

He remained at a disadvantage, slower, inexperienced, just as I had seen him months earlier, and now wielding my lightsaber and clearly confused by an anger he had never shown, things were only deteriorating faster.

I raised a desperate hand hoping to use the Force to grab Qimir and slow him down. I waded through the snow, which was now reaching my calves, but nothing responded, the outstretched palm remained ignored in the void, my heart racing as a small arena formed around the two of them due to the heat of the lightsabers melting the snow around their feet.

It was all useless.
I was weak.
Yord was weak.
We had no chance from the beginning.
I had been deluded.

The cold began to make me shiver forcefully as I tried to speak, I hadn’t even realized that my jacket had fallen off during the chase “Please, Qimir, let him go. I’ll go with you, that’s what you want, right? But please, let him go...” I begged, continuing my slow progress in the snow, my knees knocking together, my sodden skirt gathered above the white layer.

At that moment, Yord was thrown against a tree with enough force to almost uproot it, painfully trying to rise while holding onto the bark, and Qimir turned partially toward me.

My breath caught in my throat.

The smile was plastered on his lips and his eyes wide like a madman.

Two large yellow eyes surrounded by a faint red layer as if they were injected with blood.

“Sa...bri...na” he sang with an ironic tone. “Don’t you think it’s too late to ask for something?”

Yord, now on his feet again, lunged at him, but was effortlessly parried. In one single movement, he was struck in the face by the back of Qimir’s lightsaber, leaving him dazed for precious seconds which Qimir used to grab him tightly around the neck, the deactivated lightsaber pressed to his temple as he turned toward me.

“Please, please, Qimir, you’ll be a father soon, don’t do this” I sobbed, watching Yord trapped in his hold, one eye squinted and bleeding from the hit, my lightsaber now extinguished on the ground.

In response, he seemed to grow angrier and, with his foot, kicked hard on the side of Yord’s knee, which buckled with a terrifying snap. He screamed as he collapsed to the ground, still held by the neck in Qimir’s arm. “Don’t you dare use our child as a weapon against me!” he roared in a tone so raw it sounded like the cry of a wild animal.

I made the final step out of the deep snow, my legs barely holding me up, my hands raised in a sign of surrender. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to end like this. I was so scared of everything that was happening that I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to take my time to think, but I never had the courage to make a decision. It’s my fault”

My gaze fell on Yord’s undeniably broken leg, then back to Qimir’s flushed face. “It’s my fault. But now you’re here. Let him go, and I’ll go with you. You. Me. And our baby.” I placed a hand on my stomach to emphasize the point, and had to slowly kneel to the ground because I couldn’t feel my toes from the cold. The snow continued to fall heavily, soaking what little dry warmth I had left.

Qimir smiled at me. “You see, Sabrina. The problem is... you have nothing to trade for his life. I’ve seen you. You can’t even use the Force” I caught a glimpse of Yord’s pained gaze shifting between us in confusion. I wished I could tell him to be quiet, but it didn’t make sense anymore “You should have called me when I begged you to forgive me” he continued, his tone becoming acidic again.

“And here you are. Look at you, two lovebirds…” he smirked, and again, with the deactivated lightsaber, he struck Yord harder on the side of his bruised face. “While you’re still full of my child”

He let go of the weapon and, with a single motion, forcefully grabbed Yord’s face and pulled.

A sharp crack as he broke the bone of his neck.

I gasped for breath. I leaned towards them, a choked cry caught in my throat and tears filling my eyes. I felt the earth between my fingers as I crawled forward, it seemed like time had slowed.

Qimir stood up and threw Yord’s lifeless body away as if it weighed nothing.

“No—” I stammered, changing direction, my brain in confusion as I struggled to process what had just happened before my eyes. I wanted to touch him, call him, shake him, but I couldn’t register that limp figure on the ground through all the tears.

“Yord—” I called out voicelessly with an outstretched arm into the darkness.

“This story ends here” Qimir snapped from above me before grabbing me firmly under the arms. A scream escaped me as I struggled wildly. “No! Let me go!” I shouted with all the breath I had in my throat, reaching for Yord’s body, trying to slip between his fingers, but he restrained me with a steel grip.
“Stop throwing a tantrum, haven’t you dragged this story on long enough!?” he snapped near my ear as he lifted me up in his arms, one under my legs and the other behind my back. But I kept looking at the figure slowly beginning to be covered by a light layer of snow.

“Let me go! I hate you! Yord!” I called out in vain as I was carried away. No matter how much I struggled or fought in his hold, I seemed powerless in his arms.

I was powerless.

He had killed Yord before my eyes.

And it was all my fault.

“You need to be punished for all the suffering you’ve caused me, you know?”

I didn’t even realize we had returned to my ship. We entered the warmer space as I continued to cry desperately, hitting him on the chest and kicking, trying to free myself. When I tried to claw at his face, he restrained my wrists with the force.

“You’re pissing me off darling” he said, his yellow eyes fixed on mine as we reached my bedroom. The room had been cleaned and organized for the trip I was supposed to take in those hours, and a new mattress had been procured since the old one had been lying on the dirty stone for a week. The memory felt like a stab to the stomach as I was roughly placed on the mattress, the door closing behind him.

----◇----

“It’s been way too long since the last time, darling, and seeing you so swollen makes me as hard as a rock” Qimir whispered as he turned on the dim light next to the bed.

I recoiled in panic, but was dragged down again by his strength. The wet sensation in my legs had faded to the background, my soaked dress, or the dirt under my nails, only a background to the whistling I heard in my ears as Qimir loomed over me, forcing my knees apart and positioning himself between them.

“Bastard! I’ll kill you! I’ll make you pay, you son of a bitch—” He tore my panties from under my long skirt before stuffing it in my mouth, preventing me from speaking. I didn't even have time to move my hands before he had already restrained them above my head with the Force.

"There, you see? So much better when you submit like that" I wanted to answer him that I certainly wasn't submitting to anything but he didn't seem interested in anything I had to say at that moment.

He leaned over me resting wet kisses on the skin of my neck, one hand suddenly ripped the top of my dress along with my bra uncovering my breasts, I tried to kick him off like a trapped animal but I was exhausted and worried at the idea of what would happen if I continued to strain like this, my child remained my priority no matter what.

"How I missed you, do you know how many times I touched myself thinking about your your breast full of milk? You can't even imagine how much they've tormented me" He whispered on my skin going lower and lower biting and sucking the skin around my neck, my collarbones and at the end my breasts, his mouth around one of my sensitive, swollen nipples.

I gasped at the wet sensation of his tongue on my flesh leaking little dense drops, not yet milk, but he did not seem disgusted by it to my regret.

One hand moved to hold my wrists still as my legs were spread wide by the force, I muttered protests but was completely ignored, my free hand tightened around my skirt which was effortlessly ripped away, only a small strip was left to cover me over my pregnant belly, Qimir moved to suck on my other breast with a groan, his hips rubbing his hard covered cock between my weak legs.

By now the tears were falling relentlessly, I was trying to focus on my breathing as my mouth was plugged, but Qimir knew exactly what to do to make me feel good and even though I was disgusted by everything I was feeling my body was reacting against my will.

In a mixture of frustration at the raging hormones, Qimir's expert touch and the involuntary period of loneliness and stress, it took very little to make me wet between the legs.
He only needed a couple of strokes on my neglected clit to wet the mattress beneath me, his teeth biting and tugging at my swollen nipples making me gasp breathlessly, my body tensing involuntarily towards him and his fingers.

He giggled against my skin as his forefinger descended towards my entrance and soaked in my humours "See, you missed my touch"

The swear words died in my throat when with a smooth thrust he pushed two fingers deep into my flesh easily.
I contracted my muscles around these in surprise at the intrusion, involuntarily it seemed I was trying to suck them deeper into me even though I was still struggling against him.

He pushed his fingers in and out a couple of times and then rubbed the now soaked tips over my aching clit "You're so tight my love, then I guess I got there in time before that bastard got his hands on you" Yord's implication burned my heart with pain, but I had no time to think about it.

Again my arms were held back by an invisible grip, Qimir came back to stand over me at the side of the bed as he slipped off his trousers, in the half-light I could barely see his full silhouette, the large cock hanging downwards with an almost purplish red tip but it was clearly visible.
I tried to kick him, but he grabbed my ankle effortlessly.

"Don't worry. I'll be charitable. You're grounded, but you're still pregnant" He parted my legs spreading them wide under him, my wet vagina trembling and twitching uselessly as I tried to move my hips away from his.

It only took him a moment to direct the taut tip of his cock past the lips of my vagina with the help of one hand, then he took both legs from below my knee and with one firm thrust filled me completely.

I suddenly exhaled through my nose, a cry dying on my gag.

He remained motionless for a few moments before smiling at me "Can you feel it? Straight to the mouth of your pregnant womb?" I mumbled more insults as I shuddered beneath him, the familiar sensation of being split in half reaching my brain.

"I'll tell you what. I'm going to fuck you now. And if you beg me well enough I'll let you cum"

I looked at him exhausted just long enough to start feeling him slowly come out of my cunt and then push himself back in with a firm movement.

I groaned breathlessly, he moved his hands to the sides of my bottom as he lifted me up slightly, then without missing a beat he started thrusting again.
Slow in coming out and hard in thrusting back in, I tried to cry out in despair as I felt his balls slam into my ass, the tip rubbing that spot that made me see stars.

“So? I’m waiting” he murmured in a hoarse voice above me, slightly increasing his pace. I knew very well that he could go on for hours without missing a beat. I was exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep at this point, close my eyes, and forget everything, but the waves of pleasure I was feeling would never allow me to.

I tried to speak with the panties still in my mouth, a few lonely tears falling from the corners of my eyes, the shame burning in my chest.
Qimir, on the other hand, seemed to find it terribly amusing as he started fucking me at a continuous but slow rhythm.

“Darling, finally you’re obeying” he removed the cloth from my mouth, allowing me to breathe better. A few coughs shook me, but soon I began to moan, a victim of pleasure.

“P-please… Faster” I murmured, blushing with shame, biting my lip in a desperate attempt to maintain some pride.

“What’s that? It’s not what I asked for” An invisible touch began to pinch my left breast, the yellowish milk leaking from the tender flesh, dripping down my chest.

“P-please. Please, Qimir, I’ll never do it again” I murmured through my lips, holding back the curses. My heart pounded strongly, and a fire tortured my insides.

The thrusts slightly increased in speed, finally reaching a steady rhythm “Thank you for the punishment Master. I’ve been bad-” I blushed fiercely. I wanted to kill him right there with my own hands, but I was completely at his mercy.

“Good whore. Tell me who you belong to” With his hands on my hips, he started to pound me on his cock quickly. I was so soaked that the sound of my juices being pushed out of my cunt made an obscene noise.

“To you. I’m only yours, Qimir” I moaned, the walls of my cunt tightening like a vice around his cock. “Fuck me harder, mark me again with your seed” I closed my eyes, arching at the sensation of that large cock pounding me harder and harder without pause.
“I’m so glad to be fucked by you again” I tensed feeling the orgasm approaching.
I wanted to headbutt him or spit in his face, or even bite him until he bled, but my mind grew increasingly foggy with each thrust, faster and faster.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ve been unfair to you, I should have realized you were unhappy”

Suddenly, he stopped, much to my silent protest.

He turned me onto my side slowly, one foot brushing the ground while the other leg was held by his hand over his shoulder. The new position took my breath away as I practically hung from his arms.

Without missing a beat, he started thrusting again at an exhausting rhythm, my cunt completely open as he penetrated me mercilessly. The tip scraped that sweet spot inside even better. I didn’t even realize I was moaning senselessly, lost in pleasure.

“There you go, take my load like a good whore” Qimir grunted, reaching top speed. One hand moved to stimulate my clit again, and I could only cry and moan submissively. “Thank you, thank you, Master. I love being filled with your seed. Knock me up again, use me like the whore I am—”

I gasped breathlessly as the orgasm finally hit me like a tidal wave, a hoarse cry escaping my throat.

A few thrusts later, Qimir grunted one last time before emptying his balls deep inside my battered pussy. I trembled as long strands of sperm deposited copiously in my uterus, feeling his cock pulse in my tender flesh until he finally stopped.

He pulled out with a wet sound of our combined fluids. I was so exhausted that I barely noticed being moved to the center of the bed or the blanket draped over my destroyed body.

----◇----

All I know is that as I closed my eyes, one thought occupied my mind.

I would slit his throat like a pig.

Chapter Text

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was the daylight streaming through the small porthole of the room. A sliver of light cut through the darkness, the curtain having been drawn but not completely, allowing some light to enter.

I sighed heavily as I tried to move my back on the mattress, hands along my sides to pull myself up when a strange sensation made me stop. I moved my hands in front of my face and gasped.

They were covered in dirt from the fingertips to the wrists. I couldn't feel the dirt in my palms or between my fingers, but I could feel it under my nails. I tried to sit up with difficulty, but without pillows behind my back, the best I could manage was to roll onto my side. My legs hurt like hell, and my whole body was screaming for mercy. When I moved, the blanket slipped off my shoulders, exposing me to the cool air and I shivered realizing that I was naked.

Or at least, I wasn't naked, my dress was completely torn.

I looked down at my chest, and my breasts were covered with hickeys and bite marks. The torn dress beneath me was hanging on only by the sleeves, miraculously intact, but it was stuck to my skin around my wrists, where a slight dark stain of dirt could be seen.

The realization of what had happened to me the night before hit me like an earthquake.

Sam.
Yord.
Qimir.

A sob shook my insides with force, a sharp pain shot through my back, but I ignored it, my face buried in my hands as hot tears fell from my eyes. It was all over.
Yord had been killed in front of my eyes, and I had done nothing to stop it.

He was here for me.

He had told me he loved me... and I had killed him.
I knew it could happen, but I preferred to ignore the warnings. It was my fault, I was the cause of his death.

I started to breathe heavily as flashes from the previous night appeared before my eyes, the metallic pieces of Sam's body on the floor, the red light of Qimir's lightsaber, the snow surrounding my calves, the biting cold in my bones, their fight, and the sound of Yord's neck when...

I buried my face in the pillow, muffling the sobs.

It was as if my body had awakened with me, starting to pulse with pain, reminding me of what had happened. A contraction in my stomach knocked the wind out of my lungs as I tensed under the disheveled covers. I tried to steady my breath, taking deep, trembling breaths, when a particularly strong kick hit me from inside, and I groaned in pain.

I let myself fall back onto the mattress, curled up away from the single beam of light, my arms gently stroking my stomach waiting in silence for the worst to pass "It's okay, we're okay" I whispered more to myself than to the child.
Yord's words about how the child might be able to perceive things outside through the Force came to mind again. I pushed the memory deep down and tried to calm my racing heart.

I couldn't afford to be unwell.
I couldn't allow it as long as my child was a part of me.

I wiped the tears on the pillow and pulled the heavy covers over my head, enjoying the silence accompanied only by my heavy breathing for a few moments.

But as I moved my legs closer to my body, I realized something.
After what had happened yesterday... I should have been wet. Or at least sticky between my legs.
And yet, I didn't feel any of that. I would have checked, but with my hands covered in dirt, it was better to avoid it. I rubbed my thighs together for confirmation, and yes, I was clean.
The only plausible explanation was that Qimir had cleaned me after I passed out.

Qimir.

I couldn't believe how easily I had surrendered to what he had done to me, the shame of remembering every step up to the moment I closed my eyes tortured me, it was all senseless.

And his yellow eyes... his eyes.

I had never seen him like that.
Never.
Was that the worst of his being? The beast he kept deep in his stomach?

I... remembered what I did when I lost control years ago. I didn't regret what had happened, but it would be a lie to say it was normal.
That feeling of not being in your own body while you move.
Is that what happened to him?

Anyway, it wouldn't be an excuse.
You lose your inhibitions yes, but your actions are driven by the raw sincerity of your feelings, by the most carnal desires of your mind.

Qimir had acted the way he probably wanted to for months.

I partially uncovered my face to look at the closed door.
He was somewhere out there, on the ship, or wandering around.
The engines were off, or I would have heard them, but that didn't mean anything maybe he had already taken us somewhere, or we were stationary in the atmosphere.

I only knew that I didn't have the courage to face him now.
To look at him, to talk to him.
I wanted him dead.
But now I couldn't even feel my toes.
If I closed my eyes, I could pretend for a few more hours that none of this had ever happened.
That I was safe.
That Sam was okay.
That Yord was...

I closed my eyes and turned my back to the door with a grunt of effort accompanying my every movement, pulling the blanket over my head and sighing.
Just a couple more hours of peace.

In a lie.

"What are you doing?"
I opened my eyes abruptly.
A cloudy sky above me, I could smell rain in the air, the hard-packed earth under my shoes, it seemed... familiar.

"So? Answer me." I quickly turned towards the source of the sound and in front of me I saw a little girl.
Not just any little girl, no, I recognized her, she— "Are you planning to wallow in self-pity now? Again?" The voice was smug, harsh.

"What do you want from me? I'm in pain, I can't even use the Force, I—" I lowered my gaze to look at my hands, a hint of tears starting in my eyes.

"It's all your fault"
"You're doing it again. Don't you remember?"

Suddenly, the ground beneath my feet turned into the white-tiled floor of a corridor, with walls rising around me forming a hospital hallway. I turned towards the little girl, clutching my chest as if it hurt.
"I know, I know damn it. But I can't make the same mistakes again"

She disappeared before my eyes for a moment before reappearing much closer to me. "Do it differently. Do you remember what I taught you?"
Confused, I backed away.
Her voice distorted from that of a child to the hoarse sound of something I knew well.

"The only limit of a Sith is his strength. And his imagination."

I continued to stare at her, the lights in the corridor flickering "Stop it. You're just in my head, you're not..."
She smiled sweetly at me.
"Of course I am silly. I'm dead. I only exist in your guilt" I gasped, taking another step back, my feet tingling as if I felt the urge to run away.

"You wanted to avenge us, didn't you? Then stop whining. Your son needs you. You don't want the Jedi to take him away from you, do you?"
Suddenly, a gust of wind behind me made me turn around, and when the doors at the end of the hall opened, I inhaled in panic... and I was awake again.

I jolted under the covers, my breathing rapid pulling the sheet off my head to breathe better, my body still aching and my position uncomfortable for my back.
I mumbled a few confused words before looking out the window again. The light that had been entering the room earlier was gone, I could see a slight orange in the sky, making me realize that I had probably slept all day.

I stared at the ceiling for a few moments, remembering the nightmare I had just had.

The only limit of a Sith is his strength.
And his imagination.

I knew very well who had told me those words. It was absurd how I was unconsciously retracing my past. If only he had seen me in that moment... no.

It was better not to think about it.
I really needed to pee.

I dragged myself to the edge of the bed, causing the blankets covering me to fall in a heap. I tore off the rest of the now-useless dress, the sleeves being the only intact part, which I removed with considerable effort before leaving them on the floor along with the rest.

Getting up was even worse.
I felt—or rather, I didn't feel my feet but as soon as I tried to move them, sharp pains like stepping on a floor of needles shot through the soles at the contact with the cold floor. I gasped, my breath caught in my throat. I had to hold onto the nightstand to push myself upright after numerous attempts (not without a good dose of fear) with my legs trembling in a dull ache.

I needed to focus on what I needed now, pee, wash off the dirt, and then maybe slit Qimir's throat with a pair of scissors from the bathroom or something like that.

I grabbed some clean clothes and reached the small bathroom in the room, placing them on the sink and turning on the hot water. I preferred to ignore my reflection in the mirror, after the months when I had felt better now everything was back to how it was before, and I didn't have the courage to look at myself.

Fortunately, we had put a chair in the shower in case I needed to sit, and I thanked the force for doing so because I desperately needed it.
I managed to remove the dirt from under my nails and the rest of the grime, but I soon noticed the marks of handprints on my hips accompanying the hickeys,
and the bites... well, at least I understood part of the pain I was feeling.

Getting dressed was another slow torture. I put on a loose black sweater and some soft pants. Out of habit, I kept a few pairs of slip-on boots near the door that I could just slide on without having to bend down. I dried my hair as best as I could before stopping in the middle of the room, my gaze fixed on the floor before I took a deep breath in and out.
One, two, three times.
Then I opened the door.

The ship was deserted, or at least it seemed that way. I immediately noticed Sam's remains on the table, some broken parts in a sack, and off to the side his memory device which didn’t seem particularly damaged. I sighed in relief upon seeing it and approached it cautiously while checking him.
I would never be able to fix it on my own. I would have to take it in for repairs, and the memory was probably permanently damaged... though maybe that was for the best.
He would suffer if he knew about Yord, it was better if he didn’t remember it at all.
Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

The hatch was open, we didn’t seem to have moved at all. Still the same forest, the same trees, and in the distance, I could see the snow-capped temple peak illuminated by the warm lights of the sunset. It was a beautiful view if it weren’t for the huge problem in the middle.
Qimir was there, somewhere.

I didn’t see any footprints in the snow or other signs of his passing. I knew it was pointless to delay the inevitable, and sooner or later I would have to talk to him, but I had something to resolve first.
Yord's body, left somewhere in the snow... my heart clenched at the thought.
I wanted to reach him, drag him to the temple if necessary, and give him a funeral worthy of a Jedi.
Even with all the doubts that plagued him, it was still his path. He had lost faith in the other Jedi, but his faith was still there. He was a good person.
He deserved that final honor, and I would never allow him to rot there on the ground alone.

The problem was that I didn’t know exactly where he was. My best option was to return to the temple and follow the path along the side of the shelter. Even with the fallen snow, there would be a trace on the ground and trees that I could follow, for the rest, it would be a straight line until... him.

I set off after making sure I had a light with me. Fortunately, there hadn't been any snowfall, so the ground was mostly stable, and my clothes were heavy enough to protect me from the early evening winds. I reached the temple quickly, and a quick glance around was enough to confirm that Qimir wasn't there. The tracks on the ground were still visible, I hadn't noticed how steep the terrain was the night before, but now with more visibility, I quickly realized that it would be more complicated than I had imagined.

"Where are you going?"
I froze at the sound.
Slowly turning to the side I saw Qimir standing at the top of the temple stairs staring at me, his yellow eyes gone returned to their original color.
A long list of insults came to mind that I wanted to scream at him, but almost as if to warn me a small kick in my stomach stopped me.
I couldn't let myself get worked up.

"I'm going to get Yord" I replied monotonously without letting my inner turmoil show. He frowned slightly before starting to descend the stairs.
I found it somewhat comforting that, at least on the surface, he seemed like the calm Qimir I was used to knowing regardless of the beast I knew he was hiding.
"You shouldn't exert yourself. You’ve slept almost the whole day, and in your condition—"
I couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh.
"You're right. In my condition, there are indeed a lot of things I shouldn't be doing. Like being fucked against my fucking will" I spat turning fully toward him.

I noticed a slight tremor in his eyes as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable "Listen. I'm sorry. Really. I wasn't myself last night—" but I suddenly burst into laughter, interrupting him, raising a finger to ask for a moment to collect myself "Come on, he's sorry... Imagine if you didn't give a fuck what you would have done" I sneered, seeing him clear his throat uncomfortably and avert his gaze.
"I know. I did something terrible. But I wasn't in my right mind. You have to believe me" he said, taking a few steps forward but stopping when he saw me step back, my laughter dying as suddenly as it had started.

"It's... this place. The temple. Don’t you feel it? This sensation and..." He gestured towards the entrance at the top of the stairs, his gaze shifting between the ruins and me "I... I didn't want to—" he tried to explain again, but I cut him off with a smile that sounded more like a growl from my nose "Don't you dare. Do you think you can fool me? I taught you everything you know. Everything you can do. You were a failure as a Jedi."

I took a moment to take a deep breath and calm my nerves "Don't give me that bullshit. I can't sense anything anymore, but I know how it works. The dark side just fueled your hatred. It took away your restraints. If you acted like that yesterday, it's because that's what you wanted to do. To Sam. To Yord. To me" I finished the last words in a clipped tone.

We stared at each other in silence for what felt like hours, then, without thinking, I reached out a hand towards him.
A gasp caught in his throat as he was pulled towards me, and I grabbed the collar of his robe, pulling him down to my level "I created you. And I'll destroy you. Do you understand?" I whispered, mere inches from his face, my deadly gaze locked onto his as he breathed shallowly against my lips.
"You've lost the favor you had as the father of my child. I don't care what happens to you anymore. In fact, to be honest, I'd like to see you writhing in a pool of blood" I shoved him away from me, and he stumbled over his own feet but, to my dismay, didn't fall.

"You have less than two months before our child is born. Until then, you have an advantage over me. So I'll let you be. But when our child comes into this world..." I lowered my voice, sharpening my gaze "Pray that I don't regain my strength. Or the first thing I'll do is crush your skull until there are pieces of brain matter in the atmosphere"

I turned and started walking along the path from the night before, my hand tingling with the effort of using the Force, as if for a moment I had regained the sense of touch and placed my palm on a hot surface. I didn't even try to see if I could move anything else, I had understood that I was no longer able to control it, and anyway, I needed Qimir alive, as much as the thought didn't thrill me.

I had to think about the fact that Yord’s disappearance would soon be noticed, and I had no idea if he had mentioned me to anyone or left any traces behind. I would have to check the ship for safety and didn't know if it would be better to destroy it or abandon it here after completely deactivating it.
I rubbed a hand over my tired eyes as I advanced through the snow, hearing Qimir’s footsteps behind me, but I ignored it. He might as well make himself useful and help me at this point.

I didn't have to walk far before I saw the familiar brown tunic.
The body was half-covered by a layer of snow, facing the ground with hair sticking up in the air. I stopped beside him, grateful that I couldn't see his face, the memory of the look in his eyes the night before was enough to fill years of my nightmares to come.
I crouched slightly to touch his head in a gentle caress, but I couldn't help but let out a sob as I felt the frozen scalp, a layer of frost and ice completely surrounding him.

"I'll take care of it—" Qimir intervened, gently grabbing my elbow from behind, I reacted like a spring slapping his hand away "Don't touch me!" I shouted, my breath short, with a few tears gathering at the corners of my eyes.

By this point, the sun had almost completely set, leaving us in semi-darkness, mainly due to the thick forest, as for once the sky was clear of the usual storm clouds, allowing us to see both the stars above us and the planet around which the moon we were on orbited.

"Okay. I won't touch you. But it's getting late. You need to eat. And cover yourself, your lips are turning purple from the cold" he said, holding his hands up as if to reassure a frightened animal, his tone slow as if he were speaking to a child "I have two months, right? So let me help you until our child is born. I'll do whatever is needed. Then you can decide. But now..." he glanced at the body behind me "...let me use the Force to carry him. Let's return to the temple, burn his remains, and go back to the ship so I can make you something to eat" he finished with clenched lips.

I didn't respond.
I stepped aside, looking away from him and beyond the trees that surrounded us. It was enough for him, he removed the long cloak from his shoulders laying it over the body before lifting it from the ground. I winced slightly at the sound of the ice breaking, which was a cruel mockery of the sound his neck had made when...

Enough. I really needed to stop.

We retraced our steps in silence, climbing back up being much more challenging than I wanted to admit. More than once, Qimir offered me his hand, but I ignored him torn between foolish pride and the repulsion I felt for him at that moment.
At the temple we took what was left of my mattress from inside and laid Yord's body on it. We covered him with the dirty blankets that had fallen to the ground, and after sending Qimir on a quick trip to retrieve a useful flame from the tools, I took a moment to catch my breath.

Once again, others were paying with their lives for my debts.
Sure, Yord had made his decision, he was an adult and acted as he saw fit, but I should have let him go when I still had the chance.
Maybe... he would have left the Order.
Or maybe he would have continued his mission, only to die at Qimir's hand anyway.
Or worse, at mine.

We cleared some of the snow around the mattress before starting the fire at the base. The night was lit by the pyre, crackling softly, the smoke rising into the sky, and the scent carried away by the cold winds.

I shed a few silent tears, which I quickly wiped away with the sleeve of my sweater.
Qimir stood behind me, his eyes never leaving me for a second while the long apologies he wanted to say died in his throat.

Chapter Text

Before eating, I returned to my room to get a blanket to wrap around myself, and there I saw it in a flash when I opened the door.
The necklace I had bought the day before with...
The chain must have broken when...

I sighed.

I took it in my hands, confirming my suspicions, one of the small links in the chain had broken, making it unusable. I could have easily repaired it, but it seemed like an insult to Yord's memory to wear it now.
I placed it on the bedside table next to the bed and grabbed what I had come for.

Outside, it was pitch dark. We had stayed until the fire went out, the ash mingled with the snow because of the wind. I wanted to stay and watch it until I was sure it had completely dispersed, to make sure that Yord's body was also one with the force, but the temperatures had dropped, and without the fire to leave a bit of warmth, I had started trembling from the cold, goosebumps raising the hair on my arms and making my nipples stiffen in an almost painful way.
When Qimir noticed, he dragged me away, ignoring my protests.

I still felt terribly bad, to be honest. I wanted to lie down again and sleep, but hunger was starting to make itself felt, and I had to worry about my son's well-being first and foremost. So I swallowed my disappointment and closed the room behind me.

Qimir had already started cooking some time ago, he had moved Sam's remains to a corner to set the table. It was a familiar sight, actually, when we took long trips, we liked to keep a homely look, or at least that kind of feeling, so we would do things like setting the table even if it wasn't necessary or looking out into deep space before going to sleep, like when we stayed outside our shelter chatting.

I sat comfortably in the cushioned corner of the couch, the blanket folded over my legs, my stomach in a pleasant torpor after that biting cold.
There wasn't much to do, I didn't know where my holopad was, and I had no intention of getting up. I watched Qimir's back anxiously, finding it difficult to stay with him after just a couple of hours. I wondered how I would survive two months in his presence without trying to strangle him in his sleep.

After finishing cooking, he set the plates on the table and then sat down to my right.
I honestly missed his cooking, and I dove into the food without giving him more than a glance. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, staring not-so-subtly at my stomach. I hoped he would let it go, but it was obvious that things wouldn't go so easily.

"I dreamed of him. Our son, I mean," he had a reassuring tone, it reminded me of our early nights together when we were becoming something more, and he hung on my every word. "You are there too, you play together, and... you call my name, I..." He left the cutlery on the plate, abandoning the food he had only picked at so far.

"I only have nightmares." I interrupted him abruptly.

He looked at me with a frown, but I said nothing for a few more minutes, concentrating on finishing my plate. "About the Jedi," I continued, hoping it would be enough of an answer for him, but obviously, I was wrong.

"What do you see?" He asked much more seriously.
I sighed before wiping my lips with the napkin, I left it on the table and leaned back better against the backrest. Under the table, I slipped off my shoes, exhausted from feeling them even though I had put them on only a few minutes ago.
"Nothing. They're just nightmares. I'm having trouble sleeping, it's normal during pregnancy," I explained, giving him a casual grimace, hoping to be convincing enough. I regretted saying it now that I was under his steady gaze, but his words were irritating me to death. He dreamed of me, of his son, happy and smiling while he hunted us like prey.

"Don't talk nonsense. The only reason you should have trouble resting is back pain, certainly not nightmares." He turned towards me, one arm resting on the table and the other more extended forward on the backrest, almost brushing my shoulder. "I can't protect you if you don't tell me what's wrong."
I nervously looked at my hands; I still hadn't decided if my nightmares were premonitory signs or not. I had lived through a lot of stress, and mine could just be obsessive thoughts that came back to haunt me in the unconscious when I slept... I didn't know what to think.
I didn't want to open up to Qimir, but now more than ever, I needed help...

I jolted when he suddenly grabbed my shoulders. "You know me, right? I'm not a Jedi. I'm not Yord." I looked up sharply at the mention of his name, ready to argue with him again, but he interrupted me, "I would burn the galaxy for you. Our son is my only priority now. If something troubles you, let me be a part of it." I sniffled, not realizing that some tears had started to moisten the corners of my eyes.

"I... I keep dreaming of a hospital. Of the baby's birth. Of the Jedi taking him away from me-" it was the first time I had admitted it out loud, and it was destroying my nerves. I didn't understand how, but it seemed my body was rebelling-contracting all together, screaming a warning at me, or rather a threat. I was beginning to doubt that mine was just maternal pain, maybe it was the force speaking to me through my body.

"Hey, hey, don't cry." I heard him murmur above my sobs. He grabbed my arms gently, but I tried to rebel once more, trying to move away. Qimir didn't seem discouraged and kept moving until I was against his side, one arm around my waist and another under my head, pressing me against his warm body, i didn't miss that he avoided touching my stomach, even though I didn't understand the reason at that moment. "I know you hate me now, but I will fix everything. I already know where to go, and we will have a droid that will keep you under control. Believe me, you will be protected from the Jedi," he spoke slowly, but it was enough for me, to make me feel at least a little better, even if the tears kept falling like the flow of a waterfall, probably also due to hormones at the stress limit like the rest of my body.
The last period had been quieter, although I kept whining about some nonsense here and there, but I managed to distract myself enough to shed a couple of tears and then wipe my eyes.
In part, maybe I needed that release, to let myself go to a complete cry, I had never openly talked about my nightmares with anyone except Qimir. He knew them all, the names, the faces. Over the years, I had shown him everything about me or at least most of it, as he had done the same. I didn't think it was possible to maintain a relationship like that, with each having their personal space but with a solid meeting point where we could be honest with each other... and indeed, we hadn't managed, right?

We were here now.

I blew my nose into my sleeve to be able to speak better before pushing him away from me, or at least partly, since he wouldn't let go of my side.
"I know what you did. With my implant."

Suddenly the air became tense.
"I heard you. Do you think I'm stupid?" I clenched the hem of his robe in my fist. I sniffled a couple of times, trying to regain a somewhat composed appearance. By now, the worst had already been done, so I might as well show all the cards.

He remained silent for a good minute. Maybe mulling over the right words to say to me, perhaps looking for excuses, or maybe trying to understand how much of those red eyes marked by tears were directed at him with hatred or anger. I wouldn't have been able to answer the question myself.

He took a deep breath through his nose, one of the hands holding my side slowly moved forward to caress the beginning of my stomach, but I slapped it away.
He gave me a bitter smile before pulling his hands away from me. I, on the other hand, tightened my fingers around the fabric on his chest.

"You know, I knew we would have this conversation sooner or later. That you would put two and two together. But I didn't think you would have figured it all out from the first moment." I rolled my eyes, "Maybe you don't remember. But all the people I introduced you to were MY trusted contacts." I emphasized the word, raising my voice, he nodded thoughtfully before smiling again, more like he was laughing at himself.
"So... wait, I don't understand-" he rubbed his eyes tiredly. I let him go, wiped the dry tears from my skin before continuing, "As I said. I have always known everything. As soon as you saw my trusted doctor to talk to him about MY contraceptives without MY presence, he had some questions. And he contacted me to tell me as soon as you left there. Just because they are criminals doesn't mean they don't have a code, you have to know how to keep your colleagues if you don't want a hole in your forehead." I explained, emphasizing the pronunciation of some words.

The silence that followed was terrible. Whether it was the result of the tears shed, my exhausted body, or by that point even madness, it made no difference. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, there was no other sound apart from our steady breathing, yet it seemed as loud as a bell ringing in my ears, making seconds pass like minutes.

I got that call when I was out buying some supplies. Among jars of carnivorous plant jam and meats of dubious origin, I was making my way through the shelves, bored. Qimir was off minding his own business, or rather, "getting some fresh air" as he said before taking his ship and flying away. It wasn't strange, he still had his hobbies, which I kept away from, and vice versa. So I didn't give him more than a glance as I was inventorying the food in storage.

Then I got the call.

Although I had two different communication devices depending on the "kind" of creature contacting me—on one hand, merchants or random colleagues, on the other, Hutts, bounty hunters, or worse, my doctor (who was handsomely paid not to write my name or details in any record) was among the regular contacts, just in case I needed something important or wanted a last-minute check-up. I had introduced him to Qimir to help him after a nasty infection he got in a forest from touching some poisonous plant. I assumed by then he visited him regularly, so it didn’t seem strange to me that he would call to say he had seen him.

It was what he added afterward that made my blood run cold.

“He offered me a good sum to implant a defective contraceptive in you at your next check-up.”

There was no doubt about it. He had even recorded it secretly, in case I didn't take his word for it. It was there. Trying to trap me.

“I wanted to... wait, let me explain—” but I cut him off slapping him in the face, the sound so loud it seemed to echo off the walls.

“Oh yeah? Explain it like what you did to me yesterday? Because believe me, you don’t have much to say.” My hands were shaking with anger, my palm itching from the blow, every trace of sadness now forgotten.

He took a few deep breaths, maybe trying to calm down. His face was expressionless, but I recognized that sinister glint in his eyes. I shouldn't have played with his patience like that, especially now that I couldn’t sense his emotions in our bond, but I couldn’t help it. If I could have, I would have broken his nose.

“Alright. I understand.” He got up without looking at me, took the plates, and put them in the small sink, turning on the water. He started clearing the rest of the table in silence. I followed his every move with my gaze, not sure if we were on the verge of throwing knives at each other or just exhausted.

“I wanted to set you up. You’re right. You knew. I was stupid. I’m sorry for what I did to Sam. And... I’m not sorry about Yord. I won’t apologize for that.” He looked at me over his shoulder with a serious expression, the mark of my hand starting to form on his cheek. “That’s the whole truth. For real this time.”

He started washing the dishes, the sound of the cutlery in the water and the sponge on the plates accompanying the silence that now muted us at times.

“I wanted you all to myself. And the truth is you can live perfectly well on your own. You did for a long time before you met me, you were fine. I, on the other hand, was broken. I wanted revenge, but I didn’t know how to get it, what to do with it, where to start. Sometimes I told myself to let it go because I was too weak anyway, and then I started some odd job to pass the time, but meanwhile, I felt like I was rotting from the inside.” He sighed, his hands moving automatically in a gesture I’d seen him do too many times. “I’ve already told you what I think of you. Of us. I got on your ship to find you, and I noticed you had heard the first message.” It seemed like another half-confession, but I let it slide. “I started imagining... the two of us in a nice place... while we were raising a happy family. Sometimes I dreamt about it. I... I’m convinced they were visions. I still am. But I knew you wouldn’t listen to me, so I tried to do everything on my own.”

I ran a hand over my face, tired. I didn’t even feel like yelling at him anymore at this point, after all, the damage was already done.

Once again, we remained silent. I heard him stacking the dishes after drying them, but I kept staring at the table without focusing on it. So many thoughts were spinning in my head that I couldn’t process any of them. He sneezed a couple of times before I decided I wanted to lie down.

I slowly slipped down the seats, and just when I was about to get up, Qimir came over and offered me a hand.

I glared at him, but he didn’t seem impressed, staying stretched out toward me with the damp towel still on his shoulder. Much to my dismay, I let him pull me up. My swollen belly brushed against his abs, causing him to flinch slightly, then his face shifted into a confused grimace.

“Wait. If you knew... it means you didn’t get the defective one implanted, right?”

I quickly pulled my hands out of his, but he grabbed me again, this time more firmly.

“I want to go to bed. I don’t feel well—” I tried to pull myself out of the position I was stuck in, but he wouldn’t move. “Answer me. You’re pregnant. How?” he asked more insistently.

It was too good to think he wouldn’t notice.
But of course, he wasn’t that stupid or distracted.

I exhaled, then pushed him away, gaining a meter of air. He had probably let himself be moved since I was now an amoeba, the idea made me angry once again, but I buried the thought deep in my stomach, along with the rest of the things that made me want to blow up an entire planet.

“You were lucky. When I figured it out, I almost wanted to strangle myself with my bare hands. These implants aren’t perfect, they have a very low probability of failing. Maybe combined with other factors like an extremely fertile body or an ovulatory period or things like that,” I explained, shrugging casually. “We’ve been having sex for years right? It could have happened a long time ago, yet...” a bitter laugh escaped me, “...yet it happened right when you decided to do... this.”

Qimir, confused in front of me, only made me indirectly laugh more. “So you didn’t know?” I scoffed at the question. “The whole story indirectly made me less attentive. I saw the doctor, did everything by the book, and then I focused on how to confront you. So a month passed, and I didn’t even notice, two months, and I still suspected nothing because I’ve always had irregular cycles, and then... well, by that point, I found out. Hilarious, right?” I lowered my eyes to my belly, my hands stroking it rhythmically in a soothing motion. Sure, now I loved my child and couldn’t wait to have him in my arms, but months earlier, when I realized what had happened... I shivered at the memory of what had crossed my mind.

“This is the will of the Force,” Qimir blurted out suddenly. I looked at him, confused. “What...?” For the first time in... hours? Maybe more, he smiled openly, took a step back, and pointed at us with one hand. “Then my visions, and the dreams, it was destiny. The Force wanted the birth of our child.”

I bit my lip before nodding, an irritated smile on my lips before bursting out, “You’re absolutely right. You know what? Maybe even you raping me was the will of the Force. What an ironic bitch it is, huh?” I said, barely concealing the acid that burned my throat, the venomous irony evident in every fiber of my being. “So here’s the deal. When the Jedi find me, because we both know it will happen sooner or later, and they ask me where you are, I’ll say you fell off a cliff with your neck broken by the will of the Force.” I slammed my fist on the table beside me to release the surge of adrenaline I felt rising. Qimir opened his mouth to intervene, but I decided I’d had enough. I walked past him toward the bedroom. “Do whatever the fuck you want, you’re good at that usually.” I muttered one last time without even looking at him and shut myself in the bedroom, locking the door behind me.

I leaned my back against the cold surface and closed my eyes. I tried to take a deep breath, but sudden, dry coughs stopped me, so strong they pushed me to sit on the bed to catch my breath.

Force, I was furious.

I wanted to deal with the matter with Qimir, but I knew if he had known the whole truth, he would have brought up that bullshit story.
Maybe I had indirectly made things worse, since now, at least in his mind, he was convinced he had the favor of the Force or whatever he thought it was.

There was so much to think about, so much to do, but having that conversation with him had drained what little energy I had left. I felt too dirty to go back to sleep, I shouldn't trust him and let him move around on his own, but at this point, I doubted I would like any answer he could ever give me.

I got up to grab some pajamas to wear, placed them on the bed, and slowly began to change. First the top, then I took off my shoes and pants, leaving them on the floor before sitting down again to try and put on the bottom part of the pajamas.

I stared at it intensely for at least two minutes in the dim light of the room.

I couldn't tell if my mind was blank, a mix of illness and fatigue, or if I was thinking about so many things all at once that they had fused into a single mass of noise now ringing in my ears, but I didn't want to move.
I could have fallen asleep sitting right there for all I cared.

A light knock on the door made me lift my head. I opened my mouth to tell him to leave me alone, but it was too late, I was already hit by the corridor light, fortunately partially blocked by Qimir’s silhouette.

"I wanted to let you know we’re leaving. I’m taking you to a safer place. Then I'll go back for my ship... then we'll see about the Jedi's ship." He looked me up and down, slightly frowning, and I held back a curse in my throat.
"Fine. You can go." I pulled down my shirt to cover my waist better, not so much out of embarrassment for being half-naked (because that wouldn’t make sense—he had touched, licked, and kissed most of my body) but more because of how powerless I felt under his gaze. I was sure he wasn’t judging me, yet... I wanted to disappear.

"Let me help you." He took a step toward me, but I pointed the pajama pants at him like a weapon. "No. I’m a pregnant woman, not sick. I can do it just fine by myself." He rolled his eyes. "No offense, but right now, you look like both options." He snatched the garment from my hands with a quick move, i leaned forward to grab it back, but managed to lift myself only a few centimeters before falling back down onto the mattress.
"You can’t even stand up. Stop being so proud." He knelt in front of me, starting to roll up the fabric with irritated jerks. Thanks to the light behind him, I could still see the red mark of a hand on his cheek. I almost thought of slapping him again, or maybe punching him in the nose. "I was walking fine until just a few minutes ago."

He ignored me as he moved my foot to slide it through the leg of the pajamas. I wanted to understand better what was going through his head, but his hair fell in front of his eyes, hiding the little I could still read from his expression.
"Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re still terribly pale. And cold. And I’ve seen you shiver more than once. You need a check-up. And to relax. So admit you’re exhausted and let me put on these damn pajamas on you."

We stared at each other in silence for a moment, both seemingly calm, but with a fire in our eyes somewhere between anger and passion.
Easy to say who felt what.

He pulled up the pants along my calves, brushing my skin with the tips of his fingers. I stretched my legs to allow him to slide the soft elastic over my knees. I noticed then how my thighs had thickened compared to Qimir’s long fingers, I bit my lip in discomfort, wanting this torment to end as soon as possible.

"Up." He ordered, standing up and offering me his hands, which I grabbed with a huff. He pulled me up effortlessly before bending down again and pulling my pants over my hips. I bit the inside of my mouth in discomfort, feeling his fingers brush against my sides. That had always been an incredibly sensitive area to contact from others, and Qimir knew that all too well. I sighed a half-hearted thank you as he leaned over the unmade bed. He removed all the blankets before I could protest, threw them out into the hallway, and took clean ones from the drawers.
"Does anything hurt?" he asked as he finished changing the pillowcases. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t necessary, but when I thought about what had happened last time on those blankets... I silently appreciated it.

"No..." I murmured, but he looked at me with a frown again. I wanted to keep protesting, but it was becoming childish, and by now, I just wanted him gone. "Okay... maybe... my calves hurt. And my feet. And... my thighs. And my ankles. And... fine." I sighed wearily, rubbing my face. I heard him let out a slight smile before reaching me again. "We’ll see what’s wrong tomorrow. You’re lucky you didn’t catch the flu after last night's walk in the snow. Now lie down and relax." He helped me lie down, arranging the pillows behind my back. I saw how he tried to lean toward me for a moment as if he wanted to kiss me before pulling back, a sad flash in his eyes.

"Sleep. Both you and the baby need rest."
He gave a half-smile before leaving the room and closing the door behind him, leaving me in the dark.

For a moment, I even thought of calling him back, but I held back.
I knew my hormones were in turmoil, I was obviously angry, but... I felt so alone now. And in pain. And I wanted... him to hold me... but at the same time, I hated him.
A sudden tear wet my cheek, but I ignored it. I just needed to sleep.
Once I felt better, I’d be clearer and keep him at a distance.

I pulled the blankets closer and closed my eyes. By the time the ship's engine started, I was already fast asleep.

Chapter Text

The first thing I noticed upon waking up was that my throat hurt. It was a constant itch that made me swallow saliva continuously, but when I did, it felt like lava burning me from the inside.

I was struggling to breathe with my mouth open, the discomfort I had felt the day before was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling in every bone of my body at that moment.

I was as sick as I had only been a few times in my life. I recognized the symptoms of the flu perfectly, it reminded me of another time years before when I had woken up in the same condition, with the huge difference that now, it wasn’t just my health at risk.

I placed a hand on my stomach, yet perhaps that was one of the few things that seemed alright. I struggled to sit up, my skin seemed to itch in a painful way, even the blankets bothered me, but when I finally managed to prop myself up with the pillows and the cooler air caressed my skin, I couldn’t help but shiver, shaken by tremors that made my teeth chatter.

I tried to call Qimir, but my throat was in shreds. When I opened my mouth to say his name, a feeble sound came out followed by several dry coughs that stole what little air I had left in my lungs. I collapsed onto the pillows, tears welling up at the corners of my eyes from the effort. As much as I wanted to fall back asleep and forget my miserable state, I had to warn Qimir about my condition. I needed to make sure our baby was alright. I hadn’t felt it move, and while that didn’t really mean anything — it could have moved while I was sleeping — I needed to know it was okay, that I was keeping it safe.

It took me endless minutes to stand up on unsteady legs. I didn’t even bother putting on slippers, the cold metal of the floor sent a jolt along the soles of my feet, which I almost appreciated in the uncertain wobble that was my walk out of the room.

I kept a hand along the wall, seeking some comfort for my unstable balance, taking small steps, one after the other, while breathing through a partially open mouth, my nose stuffed, and an added headache that made my temples pound.

I reached the main room and found it empty. I could see the closed door of the cockpit and realized Qimir must be there. I saw the blanket thrown haphazardly on the couch next to a pillow where he must have slept in the last few hours.

More coughs shook my heavy limbs, the shortness of breath and the dry hacks that came from my throat made me stop. I gripped the table with trembling fingers, trying to catch my breath. I didn’t even notice the sound of the door opening.

I felt his arms wrap around my body in a firm but gentle grip. I coughed a couple more times before feeling phlegm rise in my throat. I barely managed to press my hands to my mouth to stop a gag reflex that I forced down with difficulty.

I turned to press my face into his chest, my body trembling as I clung to his robe in a pathetic attempt to regain some strength.

“Fuck, hey, take it easy, let me feel.” He grabbed my shoulders, pulling me a few inches away before pressing the palm of his hand to my forehead. The cool touch on my skin was soothing. I couldn’t tell if I was too hot or if he was freezing. “Come on—” he swore before moving his hand and pressing his lips to my forehead.

If I had been clear-headed, maybe I would have pushed him away. I remembered what I had promised myself before going to sleep, but everything was painful at that moment. I would have ignored every wrong he had done to me just to have a moment of peace in the dull pain I was feeling.

“You’re burning up. You definitely have a fever.” He gently pushed me onto the couch, and I groaned in disagreement at the loss of his touch, having to settle for his hands stroking my arms. Then he knelt in front of me with a worried look, I could almost see the gears in his brain turning at a thousand miles an hour.

“What’s hurting? Tell me,” he whispered before gently tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear.

I looked at him wearily, opened my mouth to speak, but once again, only a few confused sounds came out of my throat. “...Everything, it... all... hurts—” I coughed with great difficulty. Seeing me like this, Qimir’s expression became even more concerned. I almost wanted to cry, realizing how pathetic I must have looked at that moment. The only thing holding me back was the fear of the pain I would feel if my body gave in to sobbing.

“Okay. We’ll make a stop somewhere. Hold on just a little longer.” He held me in his arms before lifting me effortlessly and carrying me back to the bedroom. The gentle rocking didn’t help my headache, and instinctively, I pressed my face into his chest, muttering a complaint. There was a familiar feeling of being held close to him, something he didn’t do often, but I appreciated it infinitely, that feeling of... heat.

In the room, he gently laid me down on the clean side of the bed, the cool blankets against my feverish skin felt wonderful.

“I’ll help you sleep so you can rest easier, okay?” Qimir whispered softly as he tucked the blankets around me. I looked at him through half-closed eyes, wet with unshed tears, while the coughing continued to shake me every few minutes.

“Can’t... you help me?” I whispered, trying to reach for him before he could walk away, but he took my hand in his, holding it comfortingly, his thumbs gently rubbing the back of my hand in circular motions.

The gesture made me flinch, or rather, it made me hiss as my breath turned into a cough I struggled to suppress. It reminded me of Yord's touch, of how he casually made me happy. But Qimir, on the other hand, knew every point of my body, every gesture, kiss, or caress had a meaning for him. I knew that with that gesture, he was trying to relax me, to make me feel his presence... and despite everything, I appreciated it, even with the flame of hatred burning in my chest. It made me feel good, less alone, and most of all, more at ease knowing that he was as attentive to our baby as I was.

“Darling, I know how to treat surface wounds, combat pain that I can recognize. But this? I don’t even know what you have, I’m not a doctor. I don’t want to take any risks.” He looked at me, trying to maintain a reassuring expression, that smile at the corner of his mouth that I had always adored, warming my heart.

I was so tired and in pain that I didn’t have the strength to maintain the facade of hatred I wanted to reserve for him. At that moment, I would have accepted anything, as long as it made me feel better.

I didn’t even notice his fingers brushing my temple before I fell into a deep sleep.

When I opened my eyes again, the white walls blinded me. I immediately recognized the sterile smell of a hospital, the cold lights, and the warm but slightly rough blankets. It felt like waking up in one of my usual nightmares, but small details distinguished the dream from reality, like the sensation of a light breeze on my skin or the awareness of my body's heaviness on the mattress.

When I tried to move my hand, a slight tug at my wrist made me flinch. My throat still hurt, but at least the worst of the headache seemed to have passed. Beside me, the sound of light footsteps made me turn, realizing I wasn’t alone in the room.

Sitting next to the bed, Qimir was on my right in a chair. His hand rested near my elbow, gently stroking the inside of my arm with his thumb. He looked at me with a mixture of worry and relief. Behind him, an elderly man held a datapad in front of several hospital machines, some of which I recognized.

“Welcome back, Mrs. Nomi. Don’t worry, the fever has gone down, and you should feel better now.” The smile he gave me was reassuring.

Looking down at myself, I noticed that my wrist was connected via a needle to a bag hanging near the bed. Inside, I assumed there were some kind of medicine or nutrients. I could see my bare arms above the covers, and I was wearing one of those light blue hospital gowns. Other than that, there wasn’t much else. We were in a small room, and I could glimpse some movement beyond the curtains that covered the glass door. I had no idea what time it was or how much time had passed, but that didn’t seem important.

“I... can I have some water?” I asked with a broken voice, finally relaxing into the mattress.
Qimir moved as if to get up, but the doctor was faster, heading towards the door. “I’ll take care of it so you two can talk.” The automatic doors opened briefly, showing a glimpse of the corridor before they closed again, leaving us alone.

“How do you feel?” Qimir asked, leaning in to adjust my hair behind my ears. Instinctively, I leaned towards his touch. It felt strange, but I was too exposed on the bed, too weak; I needed reassurance. “Better,” I replied with difficulty. I tried to say more, but Qimir spoke first, “I gave them our usual fake documents. I’ve checked everything; we’re safe. At least for now.”

I nodded slowly.

“How long was I asleep?” I asked, trying to sit up slowly against the pillows. Qimir slid an arm behind my back to help me sit more comfortably.

“A few hours. Don’t worry, I haven’t left you alone for a second. They checked you and gave you some medicine to help you feel better. You had a high fever and...” he paused for a moment, his lips pressed into a tight line. I could see him biting the inside of his lip, as if trying to stop himself from speaking.

“They said your body has been under too much stress, your nerves are shot. But the baby is fine.” He gently placed a hand on my stomach, a comforting caress that calmed me before I could even process the words about my health. “The baby is fine?” I whispered, maybe more to myself than to Qimir. I looked up to find his face close to mine, his expression determined. “You’re both fine. You just need to rest, okay?”

At that moment, the door opened, and the doctor returned with a small tray. Besides the water, I could see some small vials of medicine that I didn’t recognize. Qimir moved away, remaining seated by my side, his hand still gently stroking my swollen belly with his thumb.

With the doctor’s help, I managed to drink a glass of water. The cool sensation down my throat was divine, I felt like I could finally breathe better. My chest still ached, but it was more of a dull, bearable pain.

“I imagine your husband has told you something. The situation is quite simple. Your body has been under a heavy dose of stress lately,” he said, taking the datapad nearby and focusing on the screen, “your partner told me that you recently lost a family member.”

I shot Qimir a glare, but he dutifully pretended not to notice. I should have asked what kind of lies he had told him. He certainly couldn’t have mentioned how he killed a Jedi, how I was running through the snow, or about the sex.

Or the fact that he certainly wasn’t my husband.

“Hormones... they... confuse me. I cry often and... I don’t understand what’s happening to me,” I admitted, meeting the doctor’s gaze. I might as well get professional advice while I was there. “That’s normal. You’re going through a major hormonal imbalance. You’re almost ready to give birth, and now that you’re in the final weeks, your body is preparing for labor. The weight on your back, swollen feet, breasts ready for nursing — everything is progressing normally... except for this recent issue.”

I felt Qimir’s hand try to grasp mine, but I slapped it away.

I don’t know if the doctor considered the gesture normal or simply ignored it, but he didn’t seem to notice it at all.

“We’ve taken care of the worst of your fever, but the rest will need to clear up slowly. We can’t overload you with medications. If it’s not a problem, I’d like to check on you again to see how you’re feeling.” I nodded silently, not wanting to know the details, knowing I’d start to panic if I thought too much about my condition. The important thing was that the worst was over. “There’s not much to say other than to rest. I’ve already prescribed the medications you need to take, along with some vitamins. They’re all mild remedies to allow your body to recover naturally.”

He stood up again, approaching me, and I barely noticed Qimir’s body tense up. “I was thinking... would you like to hear your baby’s heartbeat? I know it’s been a stressful few hours, maybe it would make you feel better and give you more concrete confirmation that you’re both doing fine.”

I turned to Qimir, surprised. I had so many problems on my mind that I hadn’t even considered something like that. He looked just as caught off guard. “Yes, please,” I replied to the doctor, smiling, feeling happy, if only for a brief moment, with a lighter heart.

We waited in silence as he set up the machine. With today’s technology, it was like taking a photo — just a matter of moments, and you could see your child and hear their heartbeat loud and clear.

I didn’t notice Qimir’s nervousness or his rigid posture. He moved to make room, but he stepped to the other side with a few quick steps, almost a sudden movement.

“There.”

On the small screen, the dark shape of a newborn appeared, its body curled. I could perfectly make out each limb; it seemed... awake. I could see slight movements of its hands as if it were opening and closing them into fists.
“He’s perfectly healthy. He hasn’t suffered any trauma, but in such an advanced stage of pregnancy, a premature birth is possible. Take this last month and a half to relax and prepare for your son’s arrival, ma’am.”

I listened in silence, my eyes glued to the screen. I wanted to reach out with my hand, but I felt too silly to do so, so I clasped my hands in my lap. Silently, Qimir squeezed my fingers between his, but this time I didn’t push him away.

The doctor pressed a few buttons before the sound of a steady heartbeat filled the room. The rhythmic beating of my baby’s heart.
My son.
My new reason for living.

My eyes filled with tears, and I bit the inside of my cheek, trembling.

“Is it a boy?” I suddenly asked, glancing away for just a moment.
I saw the doctor nodding a couple of times before confirming, “Excellent observation. Yes, it’s a boy.” He turned to me with a gentle smile, but I could barely return it.

What were the chances? It was a 50/50, perfectly normal, just a coincidence... but I couldn’t help thinking about my visions, the image of a child with black hair... and even Qimir had seen him...

“I’ll print out the ultrasound images for you. Congratulations.”

He turned off the machine, and with it, the sound of the heartbeat stopped.
I exhaled, trembling. The silence was terrible, and I could still hear the sound in my ears, but it was my own heart pounding loudly in my chest.

When the doctor left the room again, I turned to Qimir. Unlike me, he was smiling, a light in his eyes that I recognized well, those dark pools melting with warmth, like after a night of passion when he looked at me as if I were the most precious thing in the galaxy.

But noticing my pained expression, he lost the smile.
“Hey, sweetheart, you’re okay, you’re both okay, alright?” He moved his hands to my face, gently holding it, his thumbs caressing my cheekbones. “You’re both fine. You and our beautiful baby.”

Our faces were so close they almost touched. Unintentionally, my short breaths synced with his calmer ones, and my heart returned to a normal rhythm.
“My visions—” I whispered, just inches from his lips, raising my hands to grasp his wrists, my fingers nervously brushing his skin. I wanted to throw myself into his chest, but I still held back now that I was feeling better.

I felt selfish, I hadn’t forgotten—I couldn’t forget what he had done to me, but I felt so insecure that all I wanted was to be reassured.
“Sweetheart, look into my eyes. You’re tired. You’re mixing memories with nightmares.”
I tightened my grip on his wrists. “That’s not true. And if they really do come true when—” He suddenly let go of my face and freed himself from my grip, taking my hands in his instead. “You’re not going to give birth in a hospital, okay? I told you. I’ll take you somewhere safe. I won’t let those visions become reality.”

He kissed my forehead and moved away.
“You just focus on resting.”

I lowered my gaze to my stomach and placed my hands on the taut skin above the hospital gown. “I feel powerless,” I admitted in a faint voice.
He laughed weakly.

“You’re the most terrifying woman I’ve ever met. Give yourself more credit.”

We didn’t say much after that.
He went to sign the papers for my discharge and to make sure no one would remember “too clearly” our faces or details like my tattoos, while I got dressed in the clean change of clothes Qimir had brought with him.
He had chosen a small hospital in some remote town. I didn’t notice any cameras, and due to the late hour, there were very few people in the corridors, all of which worked to our advantage, even though I found it hard to believe they hadn’t found us here.
Of course, Qimir’s ship was the same one he had escaped with months ago, and they knew it. But their own secrecy limited their resources. They couldn’t officially search for us without filing a report.
It was also true that all they had to do was ask around, and no one would deny them some information. I could only count on their internal problems.
I hoped they would slow them down.

At the entrance, I waited for him with the folder of photos in hand. He came over and pressed a hand to my back. Fortunately, the ship was only a few meters away, and we quickly reached it.

“Do you want to lie down?” he asked, sitting in the pilot’s seat, but I shook my head and sat in the co-pilot’s chair.
“You have to tell me what’s going on. Where are we going? You can’t leave me in the dark like this. I need to stay sharp.”

He looked at me for a moment before focusing on the controls. “Okay. But you have to promise me you won’t do anything reckless.”

I let out an irritated smile. “I’m still sick. And anyway, I don’t want to hurt my son. But we can’t keep going like this. I need to know what you have in mind.”

“Alright. I’ll tell you more about what’s been happening these past months. But... you can’t shut me out. Okay?” The determined look he gave me was enough to keep me on edge.

I sighed.
“Okay.”

Chapter Text

We had a long conversation.
He told me about how he had met the witches, how he had searched for me among old contacts, even about his fear of my death.

"I thought I had disappointed you. I wanted to prove to you that I could manage without you. But I was so angry—"
That was when I stopped listening, and he immediately understood to drop it.

I should have focused on what was the real danger now.
Like Qimir, unstable at my side, and maybe a new escape plan.
But my mind wandered—I was thinking about the Jedi.

They would notice someone was missing, they would trace his last movements, they would find his corpse.
I struggled even to say his name in my head, like a swift gust that swept away the letters and faded his face. I couldn't breathe, and I didn’t want to look.

I stared into the void, my eyes fixed on a small dent in the controls. A corner stuck out, and rust colored the edges. I traced the two ends until I was forced to turn my head, but since I didn't want to look at the man beside me, I only moved my eyes back to the corner, examining the rust as if it held the mystery of the universe.

Why did it spread like that? What long-term effects could it have?
And if I bit it?
Would I catch some disease? Would my teeth fall out?

Oh yes, anything was better than facing the raw reality of my life.

It would have been easy to blame others and pretend I had no say in the matter, but I had done too much in my life to claim I had been deceived by the dark side.

The first time I killed a man in cold blood, I knew exactly what I was doing.
I wanted revenge, and I—at least in my own opinion—had not become evil.
No one had tricked me, nothing had clouded my faith.

I had always been this way.

I believed that, to be truly understood, life had to be analyzed in two ways.

The right way and the one you desired.

Growing up in a Republic, I believed, even just by natural law, that there was an unwritten morality in the universe. Sure, parliamentarians make decisions, but there must be a reason why everyone universally says that murder is immoral.

On the other hand, creatures capable of logical thinking developed thoughts more complex than mere survival instinct—the foundation of every kind of entertainment and so on.
There is no cruelty in nature, but it exists in the most advanced species.

I wasn’t an expert psychologist; I knew nothing about it. But I believed that people were born evil.

Life could hurt you, manipulate you, break you, but in the end, it would always be your original nature that decided your actions.

And I was bad.

I had fought my whole life with myself, caught between what was right and what I wanted to do.
And I’m not talking about “I always wanted to steal a perfume” or “I wanted to start a cantina fight.” No.

Sometimes, during missions, we truly encountered the worst of society.
At thirteen, I thought about how much I would have liked to break the fingers of that criminal we stopped just before he could put his filthy hands on a minor.

The boy must have been seven years old; he didn’t understand what was happening. On the way back, we talked about his favorite ships—he wanted to be a pilot when he grew up, to travel every galaxy (like every kid). He had no idea about the events of those hours, and that was for the best.

But.
The hate.

That I felt.
I remember my master pushing him to the ground and handcuffing him. We were there for a kyber crystal thief, and we ended up with something much worse.
I imagined him tied to a chair, crying as I broke his fingers one by one. I felt such a raw, primal satisfaction that it burned my heart.
But it was a good feeling.
If I closed my eyes, I could see the bruised flesh and the blood flowing. If I focused, I could hear the sound of the screams.

Looking back, I wondered if my master had understood what was going through my mind.

"We’ve arrived."

Qimir interrupted my stream of thoughts, the rust now invisible behind the fog of my memories.

I lifted my gaze to look outside. We were in what looked like a small junkyard, a fence separating the asphalt from the forest—a woodland in autumn tones, from light brown to red to yellow. I could see the edge of a large lake a few meters ahead, smoke rising to the right—perhaps from houses. Everything was covered in a light mist, yet I could clearly see the tower of what looked like an old castle.

"Where are we?" I asked, standing up and leaning out of the window to get a better look at what I could now say was definitely a small village.

"It's a clan of witches," he answered, leaning out as well, pointing to the castle with one hand. "That is an old Sith temple, but I'll explain better when we get there."

As he stepped out, he grabbed a few duffel bags. I took the sack with Sam's pieces, and when I opened the hatch, a light breeze blew against our faces.
I was still terribly cold-ridden, but well-covered and armed with tissues, I could go anywhere.

We had landed on what seemed like the only smooth surface for miles. Stepping outside the fence and descending a few steps, our feet sank into the earth. The dense trees now obscured most of the view, except for the tip of the tower. It looked like a classic mountain landscape, if not for the menacing air that surrounded it.

"Give me that—"

His hand brushed my shoulder, where I had slung the strap, but I flinched away as if burned.

"I can carry it myself. Walk."

I didn’t look at him, pretending to be deeply interested in the color of the tree bark. I waited for him to step ahead, taking the right path that led deeper into the trees and, consequently, toward the village.

I let him get a few steps ahead before following. It looked like it had rained recently—the ground was muddy, and once we reached the trees, I could clearly see the leftover droplets falling regularly from the leaves around us. A few landed directly on my head. I caught glimpses of small creatures hidden in the foliage and spotted some wooden structures that looked like idols from some pagan religion.

I had little to no dealings with witches over the years. I only knew they were one of the many Force-believing sects. The life force that the Sith and Jedi called the Force had many names—some called it God, others Mother Nature. Witches had even more variations depending on their traditions and experiences.

If there was one thing I had understood about them, it was that they were potentially more dangerous than many other believers, even if they rarely went looking for trouble.

I had many questions to ask him, but I still didn’t want to talk to him—not to the point where he’d start asking me questions, at least. I preferred the silence. Tense, but silence nonetheless.

"Watch your step."

The warning seemed more like an excuse to break that silent peace than a real concern, but I wasn’t fooled.

"You’ll fix Sam as soon as possible."

My voice came out harsh, a bit hoarse from constant coughing and a blocked nose, but the message was loud and clear—I saw it in the way his shoulders sank slightly.
He nodded, and we kept walking.

We emerged just as my feet started begging for mercy. A small path, cleared of dirt, led to wooden walls. A large open gate revealed the village beyond.

Right in front of it, three women in heavy dark clothing were waiting for us. The two on the sides looked to be in their thirties. The one in the center… seemed about five hundred years old.

She looked like one of those witches from children’s books—a hunched babushka with a long shawl wrapped around her head. Bent over, she leaned on a long staff that seemed carved straight from a root. At its top dangled trinkets that looked like they had come from an aromatherapy session.

If her eyes were open, I couldn’t tell. And yet, I could feel her staring at me.

Qimir stopped right in front of them, giving a small bow of his head, which I hurried to imitate. But the sound of tiny crystals clinking against each other made me lift my gaze. The old woman was smiling at me sweetly.

"There’s no need for such formality. It has been many years since we’ve had a Sith among us—better yet, one in delicate condition."

She extended a wrinkled hand, her polished nails lacquered in gold.

"Come, dear. I imagine you must be tired."

I was taken aback by the contrast between their dark, serious appearance and their warm demeanor. The other woman, the one with a shawl draped over her shoulders, slid the sack off my shoulder as the old lady gently led me forward.

"You shouldn’t be carrying heavy things. What kind of partner would you be, hmm? Someone needs to teach you some manners."

She waved her long staff right in front of Qimir’s nose. I barely held back a laugh, seeing the discomfort written all over his face. He had tried to dissuade me from carrying the bag, but I had refused—so technically, he had at least made the effort.

The village was almost entirely made of wood, though various modern machines were scattered throughout. As we passed, people stepped aside and inclined their heads in greeting. We walked past a large wrought-iron gate leading deeper toward the castle, then turned right, where larger houses, each with a small garden, lined different clearings.

"I hope we can offer you a warm welcome here. We've given you one of our finest homes. Feel free to stay as long as you need. We have excellent healers who can take care of you and the baby."

A little farther from the village center, along a small road bordered by a wheat field, stood a two-story house, decorated with patches of colorful flowers planted in small plots of soil.

"But—this is too much—" I whispered in surprise, letting go of the woman’s hand.

"Not at all. Not only has Qimir more than earned it by helping the villagers, but a pregnant woman deserves all the help possible. We know enough about you to say that you deserve this."

I looked at her, bewildered, then exchanged a quick glance with Qimir, who pressed his lips into a thin line, accompanied by a faint smile.

We stepped inside, and I sighed in relief at the sight of a lit fireplace warming the room. Cabinets were stocked with utensils, plates, and bowls, along with various supplies. Even the fridge was decorated with carved wood. I couldn't help but notice the same symbol etched in multiple places throughout the house, along with a small idol in one corner of the kitchen counter.

"I'm sure everything you need is here, but if you ever require anything, you can always ask our priestess, Ekaterina."

She gestured toward the other woman, who, upon closer inspection, looked much younger than I had initially thought.

She smiled gently, giving a small bow. Her short, rust-colored hair framed her face, and her deep green eyes were adorned with freckles across her cheeks.

Aside from her height, she seemed incredibly young.

"Oh! How foolish of me—I forgot to introduce ourselves."

The old woman turned toward me again with a smile framed by wrinkles.

"As I said, this is Ekaterina. To my right is Irina. And I am Matriarch Nara."

I glanced around the house once more, taking in the small details. It truly was a lovely home.
One I would have to share with Qimir.

"I really don’t know how to thank you. Truly—I won’t forget this."

I bowed my head, and beside me, Qimir did the same. They explained a few more details before leaving us alone to settle in.

I watched them walk away, noting the reverence with which they were greeted by others. Their smiles were warm and welcoming, but it was obvious that beneath those layers of kindness lay something more sinister.

"What exactly did you do to deserve such a welcome here?"

I finally asked once the door was shut.

He cleared his throat as he opened one of the bags, neatly laying out our clothes on the table, separating mine from his.

"I saved one of their sisters."

With the three witches gone, the house suddenly felt much colder. I moved closer to the fireplace, already filled with wood, and picked up a nearby log to feed the fire. The familiar crackling of the flames broke the tense silence.

"Osha?"

I asked, recalling the story he had briefly mentioned, but he shook his head.

"Her sister. Mae. Before we met—I was the one who brought her here. This isn’t the same coven of witches, but to them, she’s still a sister."

I heard him tinkering with the droid’s sack, carefully placing the parts onto the low table in front of the couch. A sharp pang of pain struck my chest, but I ignored it.

"Does she live here?"

But the real question was another—
Would I meet her?
Would we talk?

The mere thought made my hands itch.

"Oh, I doubt it. Ever since she came of age, she only returns for special occasions. And now, with the Jedi and her sister on her trail, she won’t want to risk leading them here."

I couldn't help but exhale in relief, letting out a slow breath as I stretched my hands toward the fire. The warmth gently tingled at my fingertips. I slipped off my coat to let the heat spread through my body.

"Listen… you can take the bedroom. I’ll sleep on the couch. I’ll grab a blanket from here, move a few essentials, and then I’ll fix Sam."

I didn’t even turn to respond.
The only thing I would have said was, "Obviously."

I waited for him to leave the house, enjoying a few more minutes of warmth before finally exploring the space.

The kitchen and living room were one open space, divided only by a counter. The fireplace was positioned beside the couch. My gaze was drawn to a large embroidered rug on the floor—gold, black, and deep red.

And finally, my mind clicked into place.

The same symbol on the women’s robes. The Sith emblem.

The same pendant I had spotted on the old woman. The staffs they carried.

Not mere trinkets—corrupted crystals.

I had been so caught up in everything that I hadn’t noticed the small details.
And then there was what Qimir had said about the Sith castle.

I turned my gaze to the small wooden idols, but no matter how much I strained my memory, I couldn't recognize them from anywhere.

Perhaps a symbol of the local witchcraft?

And how were the two connected?

I regretted, at least a little, all those years spent ignoring Sith history tomes. I wondered if I could sneak into the castle—or perhaps I could simply ask the Matriarch.

And yet.

In my current state, when I couldn't even recognize the energy of Kyber crystals, would it really make sense to venture in there?

Maybe… maybe I could find help here.

I couldn't trust them so easily. Even if I didn’t like the idea, I preferred to ask Qimir for clarification first. Surely, he had inquired or investigated something. If the timeline added up, he’d had plenty of time to learn about this place.

I grabbed a few loose-fitting clothes and headed upstairs. A single door stood at the top of the staircase, and a key hung from the lock. I used it to open the room.

The entire second floor was taken up by the bedroom. The ceiling was sloped but not low, the floors decorated, the windows covered with heavy black curtains. At the far end, a grand canopy bed stood, flanked by wardrobes and a small dresser.

I set the clothes on the bed and wandered around. A small stove, far more modern than the rest of the room, caught my eye. Despite the room’s size, the cold was much less biting than downstairs—perhaps the walls were thicker, with some kind of built-in heating. They had even placed a desk and a small bookshelf filled with tomes.

But it was a blanket in the corner that truly caught my attention.

I pulled it aside—revealing a cradle.

Smooth, light-colored wood, adorned with delicate carvings. Strange symbols painted along the base, words I couldn't decipher, likely some local language or incantation.

Inside, a mattress was already in place, along with onesies in various sizes—green, yellow, black, and red. A few hand-sewn caps rested on top.

I couldn't help but think of all the things I already had on the ship, all the gifts I had received. A sharp pang of sorrow tightened around my chest as my mind drifted back to the events of the past few days.

I had to find a solution. I needed to break free from the trance I had fallen into.

I couldn’t trust anyone.

But I needed my strength if I wanted to protect my child.

Be it the Jedi, witches, the Republic, or even his own father—

This pain had to disappear.

I was weak. Every word, every movement, every thought hurt.

Maybe I was just naturally dramatic—or at least, that’s what I liked to believe. The first time I fell into an abyss, I had been surrounded by friends, doctors, my Master. But now…

I sighed.

I started changing, a slight shiver running through me. The oversized wool sweater reached mid-thigh—not bad, considering my belly. I grabbed a book from the shelf and tossed it onto the bed.

I would find myself again.

And maybe kill Qimir in the process.

Chapter Text

Wandering around the house, I had discovered another door that opened onto the inner courtyard. The house was pressed against a stone wall, forming a small private courtyard. One corner still had bare, packed-down earth, while the rest was simply kept tidy, with a few wild herbs sprouting here and there.
I took advantage of the solitude to reach the fridge and see what I could eat. There were several packaged meals with dish names and pregnancy congratulations written on them. I picked one containing sweet pancakes, placed them on a plate along with a glass of juice, then moved to the couch and turned on the television while I waited for the pancakes to reach room temperature.
I was surprised that, in such a remote place, there was an electrical connection strong enough to allow intergalactic broadcasts. I must have missed the tower, or maybe there were other, more modern inhabited areas nearby, though that seemed unlikely. I’d ask later exactly where I was, but after those months stuck with the same three local channels, having something as trivial as two hundred options really made a difference—even if I only used it for five minutes a day. It was a luxury I felt I could afford while pregnant.

Part of me wanted to start repairing Sam, but seeing him shut down and broken made my hands shake. I had already told Qimir multiple times that he would be the one to work on him—I considered that the bare minimum. At least to take the idea of stabbing him in his sleep off my list.

With one hand, I forked the pancake, which was terribly flavorful, with a lingering taste of honey and vanilla that you could even smell once the pancakes were cut.
With the other, I flicked through channel after channel, looking for something mindless to distract me for a few minutes. Even though I felt much better after my time in the hospital, my legs and feet ached terribly, just like with any classic flu. A light itch still lingered in my throat from the many coughing fits I had, which still struck me from time to time. It was just another sign that something was wrong with me. Normally, Force-sensitive individuals were more resistant to common illnesses. In hindsight, throwing myself into the snow had been incredibly stupid, but I never imagined I’d suffer this much because of it.

I finished my juice and froze mid-motion when, flipping through channels, an aerial image of the Jedi Temple appeared on screen. The host was discussing the Republic’s recent political tensions, both internal and external, and the involvement of the Jedi Knights in all of it—both as representatives of the state and as soldiers on the battlefield. I set my plate, utensils, and glass on the small table in front of me and sat up, tense and listening.

It was impossible that they were talking about Yord. The Order kept paparazzi and journalists away; Jedi affairs remained internal. Even back then, that caused political tensions. We were open to sharing information if our members were acting on behalf of the Republic, but everything else remained within the Order—not just among members, but only to those deemed necessary, if the information was dangerous. No one complained. The Jedi trusted the Council. They trusted Yoda. But to outsiders, it was a different matter.
The Order was faith before it was Force. And it was no surprise that people without that power didn’t take a centuries-old figure like Yoda for granted. To them, age meant nothing, and they barely saw him around, so instead of an authoritative figure, he was a mystery—one that left many doubts and no clear answers.
Besides, Yoda never spoke plainly. I imagined he hadn’t changed one bit.

After showing more images of the Temple and Jedi in action on the city streets, the screen switched to one of those classic debate lounges. On the large circular couch, notable figures with various prominent roles (though no political representatives) started discussing internal Senate tensions, increased border taxes, rising pirate attacks, and poverty in the streets of Coruscant. My gaze remained fixed, my hands fidgeting with the hem of my sweater.

"The Jedi did not wish to send a representative to join us today," the host explained, looking at the camera. The guests’ and audience’s dissatisfied expressions were broadcasted. Nothing surprising, really—we had never sent anyone to Holonet, for interviews or casual discussions of any kind. I understood why. In the end, it was the Senate that mattered—the body that decided the Republic’s fate and laws. But undeniably, public appearances could make a difference. Even as a child, I thought our insistence on being so private to the common citizen was a mistake. When journalists arrived at the scene of an incident seeking answers, keeping a stern face and avoiding all questions did no favors for our image. It only widened the chasm between the people and the politicians—but most of all, between society and the Jedi—placing us on a pedestal that only fueled whispers of doubt and speculation about the Order.
You could help as many people as you wanted, but playing the public image game was a fundamental step in politics and social influence. They could deny it all they wanted, but by now, even the Order was a political pawn.

The discussion focused on the Jedi’s public actions and the same doubts that had been raised for years: "Was it right for them to wield such dangerous weapons?" or "If they are a religious order, why are they involved in politics?" and even "Why do they have a political representative if they can’t vote?" That last one was really something. It was a never-ending debate. The Order paid for bills, taxis, external workers, and everything else, yet Jedi had no voting rights.
It all traced back to an old law from when Coruscant became the city-state it is today. The Jedi were allowed to keep their Temple, which seemed as ancient as the universe itself (it wasn’t, really, but that was the easiest way to explain it). Back then, the Temple was considered a state within a state because the Order didn’t participate in politics. It had its own circle and Grand Master, so things more or less worked. But times had changed. The Temple was now part of the city. The Jedi were active politically and otherwise, existing as normal citizens. But what if they all banded together politically to boost the votes of X or Y? Or used their reputation as benefactors to sway the masses to follow them? Normal citizens who, nonetheless, never talked about what happened inside their walls, what they did within them, and who showed up at your door saying, "Yes, your child is Force-sensitive. Can we take them, please?"
And there, too, I could analyze for hours the obvious debates that arose about children. No parent was forced to comply; they could refuse. But many feared the elusive Force—what if something happened to their child if they didn’t give them up? On the other hand, some believed it was outright brainwashing—that children were stolen from their families under strange sorceries that compelled them to hand them over.
And the heart-wrenching interviews with parents who regretted letting the "strange robed men" take their children did nothing to help. Especially in recent decades, with active debates and small uprisings where some Jedi lost their lives, leading people to say, "Maybe your child just died, and you’ll never even know."

Tears welled up in my eyes just thinking about it, those cold tendrils tightening around my heart in a firm grip. I ran a hand over my stomach, taking a deep breath. No, I certainly wouldn’t let that happen.
"Lately, things have become complicated even for protectors of peace like them," a light-green-skinned Twi’lek declared, glancing at the others around her—a noblewoman or something of the sort.
"True, they've suffered far more losses than usual due to the violent uprisings in the Outer Rim—" the human man’s words made me scoff. The uprisings were everywhere, and the most violent ones usually took place in the massive cities of the Inner Rim, where the divide between wealth and poverty was visible to everyone. But of course, it was easier to believe that the savages of distant planets were the real threat.
I stood up, gathering the dirty dishes and placing them in the sink before rinsing them slightly, planning to wash them later. I thought about going out or maybe waiting for Qimir to return so I could force him to start working on Sam. I should have given him a communicator so I could contact him—not that I wanted him to have such a direct line to me, but it was useful, whether I liked it or not.
I returned to the living room and slowly bent down to pick up the remote from the table, ready to turn off the TV, tired of those futile debates—when my heart nearly stopped.

Two nobles had begun an intense argument about whether it was right for Jedi to get involved in political conflicts. One claimed they were a hindrance and even a provocation, while the other, a Tholothian, fiercely countered, listing planets where Jedi intervention had been crucial in maintaining peace. Then my stomach flipped, threatening to expel everything I had just eaten.
"And do I need to remind you how many have already risked their lives—or, worse, lost them—for the Republic? Like the battles on Mandalore or the uprisings on Tatooine? Or that terrible hell on Torusa?"
I gripped the remote with a trembling hand, my wide eyes locked on the screen. The studio's atmosphere seemed to freeze.
"No one has the courage to call things by their real name, but that was a massacre. How old were those kids? Witnesses said the flames could be seen from orbiting moons."
I sat motionless as a single tear slipped from the corner of my eye. My heart pounded erratically in my chest just hearing the name.
"They followed the rules imposed on them, and look what happened. We caused it!"

I gasped as a warm hand touched my back. Qimir’s hand. He moved it to my own, gently prying the remote from my grip before switching off the TV, letting the device fall onto the couch.
I hadn’t even heard him come in.
He maneuvered me into his arms so he could face me, wiping away another tear with his thumb before pulling me against his chest. His warmth enveloped me as a sob escaped my throat.
"It’s okay," he whispered, slowly stroking my back. "Breathe—slowly, like this."
I took deep breaths, matching the rise and fall of his chest. My lips trembled, my stomach fought to keep the pancakes down.
He took my free hand and pressed a kiss to my palm, his gaze locked onto mine. "You’re okay. You’re home."
I looked into his eyes, my mind spinning so fast I couldn’t process a single thought. I tried to focus on his face, his eyes, the concerned crease of his brow. It took a few seconds—maybe a full minute—before my breathing returned to normal on its own. I managed to break eye contact with him to cough two, three times, finally letting out a deep sigh.
"There we go. Come on, sit down and help me put Sam back together, okay? Together."
I let myself be guided to the table without a word, grateful for the silence as he spread out the pieces on the surface. He changed the subject immediately, pointing at the parts. "Some need to be welded; everything’s in the bags I brought. It won’t take long."
I watched him step outside briefly and noticed a couple of boxes sitting just outside the entrance. I took those few moments alone to wipe away my dried tears as if nothing had happened, then picked up the droid’s broken eye.
The glass was shattered—it needed replacing.

I would do it.
I would fix everything.

"Here—" he returned carrying a toolbox. He didn’t look at me anymore. He simply started working, moving parts around. At our feet, a few more new boxes mingled with the old ones—replacement parts you could find almost anywhere. I wondered when he had bought them, but I didn’t really care.
He had said we’d fix it together, but that was just for show. My biggest contribution to the work was opening the packages of screws and small parts, then sliding them across the table based on what he was fixing. He responded with a quiet "Thanks," his voice low, focused on the machine.
It wasn’t a difficult job—technically, Sam wasn’t as broken as he had seemed from the outside. Just bent, scratched, needing pieces repositioned or reassembled in more delicate spots. More than half of the outer plates had survived. He’d remain partially exposed for a while, with a broken eye lens, but Qimir was confident he could easily find the missing parts.
Outside, the first orange hues of twilight bathed the fields, casting a warmer glow over everything. He finished before we even had to turn on the lights, and as he removed the welding mask—his face smudged with grease, hands blackened with oil—I realized, with a clear mind, what had just happened.

This wasn’t the first time I’d had an episode, or a nightmare, or whatever these attacks were. Sometimes I woke up irritated. Sometimes something triggered a memory. Sometimes the nightmares simply turned into recollections.
Qimir knew what had happened. But more importantly, he knew how I reacted to pain and compassion.
It was something stronger than me—I got angry if someone tried to calm me down, if they talked to me about it. I wanted to be left alone, or worse, ignored, like a tantrum-throwing child rolling on the floor for a piece of candy.
It hadn’t taken him long to figure it out. An embrace was fine, a word of comfort was fine—but just one. The second was already annoying. The third would have made me furious.
So he simply hugged me. And then went back to whatever he had been doing.
I wasn’t stupid enough to believe he was truly ignoring me. He watched me like a hawk, ready to intervene if I did or said something. Like now.
He wasn’t focused on repairing Sam—he was making sure I was focused on his hands.

A small part of me wondered what would have happened if I had done this days ago, in the snow, with—well.
With him.
With the Jedi.
But I forced my gaze away from the shattered glass to look at Qimir instead. "Will he be able to see with that? Maybe it’s better not to install it."

He brushed his fingers over the cracks running along the surface, his lips pressing into a thin line.
"Maybe. But he shouldn’t leave the house until I have a cover for his side, so he won’t be at much risk," he replied with a nod, then continued placing the last few pieces. The memory had to be reset due to the impact, but he would more or less remain the same as before.
Qimir set him on the ground before starting to clean up the table, sweeping away scraps and debris. I waited until he disappeared into the bathroom to clean himself up before turning Sam on.

It took him a moment. A burst of static sounded before his eye flickered back on—a brilliant blue light. He shifted forward a few centimeters, like a child crawling for the first time, then looked at me.
I gave him a soft smile and reached out to pat his head. "Hey, Sam. I missed you."
He responded with a few happy beeps. He didn’t remember who I was. He didn’t know where he was. But my brief explanation was enough.
When he asked what had happened to him, I hesitated to tell him the truth. It was better not to complicate things too much.
"You had an accident."
That was enough for him.
It hurt to lie to him, but he wouldn’t remember it anyway.

I watched him explore the house, chirping excitedly in front of the idols on the floor and tripping over the living room rug. When Qimir came out of the bathroom, Sam rushed to meet him, bumping into his feet in greeting.
I found it hilarious that, despite having gone through several memory resets over the years, Sam was always friendly with Qimir at first. Then, for reasons I never fully understood, he started pestering him until their relationship soured into a constant back-and-forth of childish squabbles.
I wondered how long it would take this time.

"I bet you’ll be tripping me up in less than two days," Qimir sighed, giving Sam a light pat on the head. He had come out shirtless, still damp, as if he had just rinsed off in the sink and rubbed his hands clean with force. I noticed faint stains still on his fingers as he rummaged through his bag for a shirt.

"Take me to the castle." I blurted out suddenly, trying to break the oddly tense yet relaxed bubble that had formed around us.
He turned and smiled at me. "You’ll have to ask the witches. I’ve never been in there."
I stared at him in disbelief. "You’ve known about this place for years and never wanted to go inside?"
"Nah. And whatever’s in there, I don’t need it. You know, after I met you, that was enough."
The air grew heavy at those words, brutally cutting the conversation short.
I thought about turning the TV back on. That debate show was probably over, and I could go back to mindlessly flipping through channels, pretending that everything was normal.
Us.
Me.
Torusa.
Torusa.

Thinking about it, it wasn’t time that healed all wounds—it was memory.
If you pretend not to remember, the years pass, and the edges of those memories blur, sometimes until they disappear completely. It’s like an out-of-focus holocam recording. You have the footage, but you can’t make out what the blurry figures are doing. And for me, that method had worked perfectly.
Sometimes a thought gnawed at my mind, trying to bring the memory back, but I distracted myself and pretended nothing had ever happened.

The orange sky. The brown house. The yellow fields. The droid has a blue eye. Qimir is cooking. I’m sitting on a chair. I’m looking at a couch—a really tacky couch, now that I looked at it properly.
And just like that, I forgot what I had been thinking about.

I reached for the remote, which had fallen between the cushions, and turned the television back on. A reality show about guessing bizarre alien things was playing. The contestants muttered strange theories, unsure of their answers. I didn’t really have anything specific I wanted to watch, so I just left it on.
I turned to put the remote down when I noticed Qimir watching me.
Our eyes met, but he just smiled and went back to chopping vegetables, pretending he hadn’t been staring at me for a good two minutes.
"I promised to help out around here so they’d give us credits or trade goods. That girl will be coming tomorrow to keep you company." He explained as he turned on the stove.
I set the remote on the table and huffed. "I only have the flu. I can go for a walk on my own."
He shook his head. "You don’t know the area. By tomorrow, I’ll try to finish the parts for Sam so he can keep an eye on you. And anyway, if you want them to let you into that place, you should start somewhere, right?"
I didn’t respond, but I sighed loud enough to show that I had listened.

I got lost watching him cook. The familiar sound of the knife against the cutting board, the light, spicy scent filling the air, and Sam standing in front of the TV, chirping at the screen.
It felt like being back on the ship—or at the hideout. Except this time, instead of squatting in a temple, it was… terribly domestic.
I watched his back move, the muscles of his shoulders flexing with each motion. He had thrown on a light gray shirt that, despite being loose, still fit snugly over his frame, draping softly over his shoulders. His collarbone was exposed, his hair tied back in a messy ponytail at the back of his head.
I wondered how much longer I would live in this scene.
I glanced at the other side of the table and imagined a small chair where our child would sit. Maybe giggling happily, or maybe with the same serious expression as his father. Maybe with my eyes, or his hair…
But no.
It would never work. Not while the Jedi remained a threat to us.
To him.
We had to find a solution. Together or not.

We ate in silence.
Sam circled the table like a dog looking for attention, occasionally tripping over the rugs or furniture edges, likely due to the distorted vision from his cracked lens. I laughed more than once.
I could feel Qimir watching me the whole time, but he didn’t say anything, and I preferred it that way.
I swallowed my pills with a sip of water. We even found more sweet pancakes, which we drizzled with a syrup from the shelves. If I had some free time in the coming days, I’d definitely ask for the recipe.
By the time Qimir was washing the dishes in the evening, I was already closing my eyes.
I was surprised I hadn’t fallen asleep earlier. Among the many things I had discussed with the doctor was my constant drowsiness, which hit in unpredictable waves. But he had assured me it was nothing to worry about, so I didn’t.
I got up from the table and approached Qimir, taking the wet utensils and drying them with a cloth before placing them back in the drawer.
"So… you’re going out tomorrow?"
He nodded, passing me a plate.
"The village is small. I won’t leave here—not without telling you first."
I ran my thumb over a drop of water on the counter. "We need a comlink. I’ll call you if I need you."
The implication was obvious in my flat tone: I didn’t want him calling me.

He hummed in agreement, passing me the last of the glasses. Our arms brushed, making me take a step back out of instinct.
Ironically, even when we had first met, we had been less tense than this.

"The witches know you’re unwell. They want to help you," he said, turning off the faucet before leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. "I don’t know if the answer to your problem is in the castle or not, but I think it would be better to ask them first—for everything, I mean."
He took a few steps back, resting his back against the protruding wall behind the fridge, arms still crossed.
"The doctor checked your vitals, but regarding your abilities in the Force… well, that’s a different matter."
I nodded, closing the cabinet doors. I dried my hands on the cloth and folded it neatly on the counter.
"I know. I’ll see tomorrow, I…" I turned toward him, lips pressed together, ready to say something—but stopped myself.
"Goodnight."

I walked toward the stairs, Sam rolling along beside me. He had to activate his small lateral thrusters to lift himself up each step. I cast a quick glance at Qimir, who murmured a goodnight in return, then disappeared upstairs.
Sam went wild upon seeing the large bedroom, zipping across the rug and spinning in front of the bookshelves. He had become the same happy child I had raised, and at least that was something I could enjoy.
He stopped in front of the crib, whistling curiously, and after spinning a few times, he rolled back to me, as if only just realizing I was pregnant.
I chuckled as I finally changed into a normal set of pajamas after months of heavy layers. "You’re getting a little brother," I said, patting his head.
He beeped happily one more time before tucking himself into the small space between the wardrobe and the bed, ready to recharge.
I slipped under the covers, propped two pillows behind my back, and finally closed my eyes in the dark room.
"Night, Sam."

I woke up in panic.
I moved to get out of bed, but a violent coughing fit wracked my body. A thick black cloud surrounded me—the wooden walls were on fire.
I shot up, searching for Sam, but he was nowhere to be seen. Outside the window, it was so dark I couldn’t see a thing.
Ignoring my slippers, I reached for the door, rushed down the stairs, and grabbed the handle, flinging it open—
But there was no living room.
No fire, no smoke.
I looked down at my feet, which rested on dark, damp tiles.
Behind me, the door had disappeared. A long, dark corridor stretched endlessly ahead.
A child’s cry jolted me from my daze.
I looked around again and, a few meters away, noticed a small, dirty girl crouched on the ground.
With uncertain steps, I moved toward her, my heart pounding in my throat.
What was I doing?
Was this a dream? A memory? I couldn’t tell anymore.

"Hey—" I murmured hesitantly, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
She was tiny—maybe six? No, even younger, perhaps five or so.
Just as my fingers were about to brush her, she turned suddenly.

She clutched a backpack tightly against her chest, tears streaming down her face in thick, wet trails.
A sharp ringing exploded in my ears, drowning everything out.
I reached for the backpack, words spilling out of me involuntarily.
"No! Don’t—"

Then—darkness.

I woke up gasping, kicking, screaming with a broken voice.
A fit of coughing wracked my chest so violently it hurt, but something firm and warm held me still.
I struggled to break free, but I didn’t even know where I was.
I was pulled into a sitting position at the edge of the mattress, doubled over as another coughing fit shook me.
Then I vomited.
There wasn’t much left in my stomach—mostly bile that landed straight onto the rug at my feet.
Looking up slightly, I saw Sam rolling gently in front of me.
"Sam—" I croaked, my voice hoarse.

Slowly, I was pulled upright and finally noticed the arms wrapped around my chest, pressing beneath my ribs.
They let me go carefully, and I heard a soft thud as someone collapsed onto the mattress beside me.

I turned and saw Qimir lying on his side.
He wore a sleeveless shirt and loose black pants, panting as if he had run a marathon. His disheveled hair and sweat-slicked skin completed the picture beside me.
We both took deep breaths before he finally opened his eyes to look at me.
"You scared the hell out of me," he whispered tiredly, running a hand over his face, pushing stray strands back.
"Was I screaming?" I asked hesitantly, pressing a trembling hand against my stomach.
He nodded. "When I woke up, yeah. Sam was about to go downstairs to get me—I ran into him on the stairs. You… you were thrashing around, I think."
Sam chirped affirmatively before nudging my leg gently.
I sighed, running my hand over him again, trying to steady my heartbeat.
Qimir pushed himself to his feet, shaking out his shirt. "I’ll get you some water."
He left the room at a slow pace, leaving the door open.
I sat there, dazed, glancing around.
I could feel the nightmare fading from my mind, slipping through my fingers like sand.
I remembered fire. I remembered going downstairs.
But after that?
It was cold, and—
I was chasing someone.
Or something.
But nothing.
Just like that, it was gone.
Was it a memory? A vision of the future?
Had I just dreamed of my daughter?
No. It was supposed to be a boy.
Or… had we been wrong?
No, I didn’t understand.
I tried to picture her again, but nothing came to mind.

"Here—drink."
I lifted my head to find Qimir standing in front of me, holding a glass of water near my face.
I hadn’t even realized I had buried my face in my hands.
"Thanks."
I took the glass and drank almost all of it in one go.
Qimir sat down beside me again, the mattress dipping under his weight.
"This… hasn’t happened in a while, has it?" he asked quietly, bending over to grab the soiled rug, which he tossed toward the wardrobe corner.
I cleared my throat. "No, I—I’ve had some nightmares lately."
I admitted it softly, finishing the water and placing the glass on the nightstand.
I pulled one leg onto the bed, gripping my ankle tensely.
"And can I know…?"
We didn’t look at each other. I could see him from the corner of my eye, staring out the window. I kept my gaze fixed on my ankle.
"Things. Fears. Fixations. But—but…" I exhaled a shaky breath.
"These past few days, I… I’ve been seeing and hearing memories. They’re jumbled together, fused into nonsense, and—then I forget them."
I sighed.
He ran a hand over his face again. His expression was worried—I could see his thoughts racing behind his eyes.
"You need to let them help you—" he started, but I cut him off.
"I know. Tomorrow. I swear."
Silence settled again.
Even Sam remained still, his eye flicking between us.

Eventually, Qimir broke the stillness, pushing himself up. "You need to sleep. I’ll head downstairs—"
But I grabbed his wrist, hard.
"No, wait—"
The sound of my palm slapping against his bare skin was sharp.
I held him tighter than necessary, but I didn’t want to let go.
I didn’t want to be alone.
I still felt cold.
I still felt like I was down there.
"I don’t want to—just for tonight." I murmured, dragging myself back onto the bed.
He let himself be pulled until he was forced to sit on the mattress.
Only then did I release him.

He sighed, then nodded. He reached toward the other side of the bed, but I stopped him.
"No, I’ll stay here."
I pulled myself toward the headboard, grabbing the pillows and stacking them behind my back.
He gave me a strange look. "It’s going to be cold over there. Just come back to where you were."
I shook my head, taking the pillows and setting them in order behind me again.
"No, no—I’m fine here."
We exchanged a silent glance.
Even if he had asked, I wouldn’t have told him the truth.
I just didn’t want to sleep on the side closest to the stairs.
It was childish, but it made me feel better knowing that he was between me and the door.
Childish, to say the least.
But if I had another nightmare, at least I knew he would be there.
"Okay, then."
He stood up and walked to the door, locking it with the key in the latch. Then he opened the wardrobe and pulled out two extra pillows.
I watched him, confused, but said nothing as I lay back down and pulled the covers over me.
Sam rolled onto the other side of the bed with a tense little chirp, bidding goodnight.
I tucked the blankets up to my chin as Qimir placed the pillows on the bed.
Then I finally understood what he was doing.
He lined them up along the center of the mattress, sectioning off a small space for himself and leaving the rest for me—like a barrier.
He slipped under the covers and gave me a serious look.
"Close your eyes. Sleep."
I murmured an agreement.
It felt strange having him separated from me like this, but deep down, I understood why he had done it.
Despite everything, he had still hurt me.
And this wasn’t about wanting him close—it was about needing him close.
And he had understood that.
I cast him one last glance, watching as he turned onto his side, facing away from me.
I held back a smile and closed my eyes.

Chapter Text

The first thing I noticed upon waking up was the terrible taste in my mouth. I would have liked to roll over in bed a little longer, but I needed to brush my teeth.

I was alone—Qimir had removed the pillows, leaving the mattress free for me, and the blankets were cool, a sign that he had been up for a while.
Getting up, I grabbed some clothes to put on and opened the door of the room to go downstairs. I could hear Sam whistling in the living room, but when I grasped the second handle at the foot of the stairs, my heart jolted. The fleeting image of that dark hallway appeared before my eyes.

Oh, I knew what it was.

Qimir was plating something sweet at the table. Sam ran toward me when he saw me standing, and I patted his smooth head.
"You woke up early, you should sleep more," Qimir spoke with a tense voice, avoiding my gaze, strangely uncomfortable. A part of me was glad—this way, he couldn't notice the remnants of that fear still clinging to my skin.
"My breath stinks," I simply replied before shutting myself in the bathroom.

I rinsed my mouth, avoided my reflection like the plague, washed my armpits in the sink while staring at the wooden frame of the mirror, put on a sweatshirt, and emerged with fresh breath. Two slices of apple pie were plated at the table.
"I don't think I've ever eaten this well, not even when I was bounty hunting," I joked as I sat down. I sank my fork into the dessert—it was terribly soft, managing to make me forget the acidity of the previous night.

"Not with me, that's for sure. I should ask for some recipes," Qimir replied, pouring us each a glass of juice before starting to eat himself. The curtains had been drawn back, and the morning light bathed the harvest fields outside in a warm orange glow. A small gap was left open, allowing the winter chill to seep in. A long strip of warmth stretched across the living room, reaching the table.
We finished eating in silence before the pleasant atmosphere was shattered by a single, irritating question:
"How are you?"
I didn't look at him. I played with my fork along the napkin, drawing imaginary lines. How was I? Like crap—now that he'd asked. But of course, I answered, "Fine."
We had spent too much time together for him to believe that was true, and I wasn't naive enough to think he'd bought it. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I was still angry with him. One good deed didn't erase the past days or months. But this time, I wouldn't be able to hit him.
And Force, how much I wanted to hit him.

The air cooled with a different kind of chill. Soon after, he left for some errands, leaving a comlink on the table.
I thought about going for a walk, but Sam was still stuck at home, and I didn't know when that girl would arrive. So, I tidied up the two dirty utensils and finished getting dressed. I considered turning on the TV, but I’d had enough of it the day before and had nothing I wanted to watch.
Less than an hour later, a gentle knock interrupted me as I tossed my sweaty pajamas into the laundry basket. At the door stood the girl with auburn hair—Ekaterina, or something like that. I opened the door with a smile, ready to extend my hand and introduce myself properly. But at the threshold, she was bent forward in a rigid bow.

"It's an honor to assist you, Darth."
I froze with my hand in the air, slightly taken aback. I wasn't sure if it was more because of what she had called me or her excessive reverence.
Beside me, Sam peeked out from the door, whistling a greeting.
"Please, there's no need for that. Stand up—" I offered my hand, which she didn't take as she straightened up, a slight blush on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I don't want to be disrespectful, but... it's the first time I've met a real Sith. Not—not that Qimir isn’t one, but, well. He's still your apprentice."
I held back a laugh at the indirect insult aimed at him and shook my head.
"There's really no need. I'm as boring as everyone else."

I ordered Sam to guard the house, which he took terribly seriously, using his small retractable arm to salute militarily. Then, I locked up and walked along the beaten paths with the witch by my side.

The village was truly picturesque. Away from Qimir and the rush, I could take a good look around. I didn’t recognize the plants, though they had a familiar shape the long stalks grew lushly among the snow. Farmers and workers were already outside, clearing the land and setting up small stalls, a constant exchange of food, tools, and promises of repairs. Not to mention the clothing stalls, where many garments, especially cloaks or skirts, bore the golden emblem of the sun with lateral rays—the mark of the Sith.

People moved aside as we passed, followed by a small nod of the head and even some reverence or congratulations. I felt a little uncomfortable being the center of attention, especially since they knew I was a Sith. It was a really peculiar thing.
"Are you all able to use the Force—or, well, whatever you call it here?" I asked when we reached the square and I noticed a small school. The windows were hand-painted with floral designs, and the wooden carvings of animals adorned the walls.
"No, every newborn is tested at a certain age. If they’re Force-sensitive, they can join the others. If not, they remain faithful followers. Many centuries ago, the union of two different beliefs saved many lives, and since then, we’ve lived in balance."
Instinctively, I asked, "Sith and witches?"
She nodded.

"The details have been lost over time, but our ancestors fled the war in search of a safe place. When they reached this land, though, they found it already occupied by the Sith." She pointed to the castle with the crystal knob on her staff.
"They offered us refuge and drove out the conquerors who were hunting us. In return, the witches assisted them in power rituals, and the rest is history."
She clutched the wooden staff to her chest, indicating the single red crystal embedded in it.
"Unfortunately, I'm only an apprentice. So, I’ve never entered the temple. But I know the stone carved walls depict those years of war and much more."
She sighed.
"I hope to enter soon."

I let the information wash over me without pushing further. I wasn’t sure if her chatter was due to inexperience or if she was authorized to tell me these things, but it was certainly fascinating.
"Could I enter?" I asked, moving closer to her. A few meters from the square, along the road winding up the hill, I could make out the wrought-iron gate leading beyond the walls.
"Of course, or at least, the Matriarch wanted to discuss it with you later. She planned to visit after finishing her prayers and medical rounds."
I tried to contain my enthusiasm as we continued our walk. We reached a side path along the hill that descended into a rougher cobbled road, curving to avoid the steepest slope. But even from kilometers away, the surface of the lake—or rather, the lakes—was visible.
Some were small, others large enough that I couldn't see the opposite shore, obscured by a light mist. Small metal and wooden structures dotted the banks, where there was already bustling activity—fishermen with nets and children playing with fishing rods.

"You really don't lack anything," I joked, noticing some harpoons.
Ekaterina nodded, pointing to a boathouse.
"With Qimir's help, we're speeding up some repairs. He’s been a great help."
Squinting, I spotted Qimir among the others. He was using the Force to lift a boat vertically while two men removed the bolts. He tossed the damaged beams onto a nearby pile of wood before leaving them to the repairs, stretching his arms before continuing.
Despite the cold morning air, he had taken off the heavier coat I’d seen him leave in, leaving him in a dark tank top and loose trousers.
"I'm glad... to see him helping," I said, breaking the silence before turning away before we got too close.
If he had seen me, I didn’t care. But I didn’t want to interact with him for now.

The girl didn’t complain and kept talking to me about the place, the forests, and the plants they cultivated. I let her chatter continue in the background, not wanting to be rude. I could sense the reverence in her tone, to the point that she insisted on offering me something from the market stalls we had returned to.
I let her buy a sweet potato to make her stop worrying. It was as warm as it was delicious, quickly cooled by the wind once peeled. The lady at the stall showered me with compliments about how I "radiated happiness from every pore," whatever that meant. I certainly hadn’t felt joyous in a long time.

In the end, we sat on a stone ledge separating us from the castle, where I finished eating. Ekaterina waved cheerfully at everyone passing by with a big smile, but when we were alone, her gaze darkened.
I could tell from a mile away that she needed something.
"If you want to ask me a question, I’m all ears. But I reserve the right not to answer," I said with a small smile.

She didn’t respond right away.
"I don't want to be rude. And with the pregnancy, I feel really inappropriate asking..." She played with her staff on the cobblestones, drawing geometric shapes on the still-damp surface.
"Well, before I talk to the Matriarch, we might as well have a chat, right? I made you talk a lot already. Maybe I can return the favor."

She hesitated for a moment, then gathered the courage to ask:
"We heard you last night. The Force pulsed in waves, shaking the entire forest."

I flinched.
It made sense that they could sense my Force signature, yes, but neither Qimir nor I could feel theirs, as far as I knew.
"You heard me?"
She nodded.
"For a witch, places of power can be many and of different natures. For example, the castle—" she gently tapped the irregular stone surface behind us with her staff, "—is in balance. It was built at the center of a beautiful valley of flowers. You’ll see them later."
She cleared her throat.
"But in the temple, deep within, there are natural tunnels that run beneath the entire village, opening into caves in the dense forest. There are tomes written about how they first sealed the tunnels and then built over them. Balance, again. For us, this is a perfect place to practice magic."
She gave me a tense smile.
"We were meditating last night in the small gazebo. And we heard you scream."
I clenched my hands against the stone, kicking a pebble nervously.
"I don’t... know what to say. I can't even feel my own Force signature. It’s like I've been cut off from it."
I avoided her curious gaze, staring down the streets instead.
"It can happen. The energy of life isn’t a power for everyone. Sometimes, major shocks can weaken that bond, but it never truly disappears. You're still a Sith—we can feel it. And we can feel how much you’re suffering—oh, sorry, I must have been indiscreet—"
I shook my head but kept looking away, focusing on the smoke rising from a chimney. A slight, unpleasant tightness settled in my chest, and I didn’t want it to show on my face.
"No, you're right. There's no point denying it. I was hoping you could help me, actually."
I stopped myself from venting the way I wanted to. I could provoke Qimir, but I didn’t want to be rude to these women who had welcomed me so kindly.
"I'm... very nervous about the pregnancy. I think it has something to do with it. And the fact that he sleeps all day doesn’t exactly ease my anxiety," I joked, placing a hand on my swollen belly as I finally gave her a smile, which she returned kindly.

"I can imagine. I'm sure the others will definitely help you. I'll do everything I can." She nodded determinedly, then continued.
"You know, my younger sister barely moved in the womb either. Even when she was born, she didn't cry a single tear and just fell asleep. At first we were worried, but when we realized she was just sleeping, we sighed in relief. I still tease her about it to this day."
We laughed slightly.
"Is there anything that makes him react? She used to move when she heard loud music."
I shook my head, sure for a moment that there was nothing, but then I remembered that night on the ship and the message.
"Yes... once, when hearing Qimir. But—well, I don’t think he’s done it recently."
I crossed my fingers uncomfortably, recalling what had happened. Looking back over the past few days, it didn’t seem like I had felt him move at all. Yet the night before, we had shared a bed, so I doubted he hadn’t recognized his voice.
She made a small sound of understanding.
"Maybe he should try speaking to him directly... I don’t know how it works, but he might like it?"

I grimaced with the promise that we would try, but inside, I had already shelved the idea. Letting Qimir get close and do what? Play out one of those intergalactic romance scenes where the father, with teary eyes, talks to the pregnant belly?
It was a nice image if you were thirteen and naive enough to believe in a flawless couple.
I certainly wouldn’t let Qimir get that close to me. I knew he wanted to—after all, he had missed every month of the pregnancy, and now that the time was really near, it was already a lot that we were speaking civilly. But I had no regrets.
I was still deciding whether to regain my strength and eliminate him permanently or let him be a father from a distance, though I doubted that would work.

In the end, we took another walk until we reached the edge of the forest, stopping in front of an outdoor class for children—a dozen very young kids, but clearly of different ages. The teacher was explaining the basics of edible plants they could find in the woods, complete with an exercise where they drew the leaves with pastels.
They were so sweet that I almost cried.
A tear or two. Maybe three.

Hormones.

By lunchtime, when the air was less icy, I finally crossed the large gate, passing beyond the high walls.
The path to the Sith building was long, but we stopped just a few meters from the entrance, where a small house was attached to one of the walls.
I paused to look at it while Ekaterina knocked.
The building was identical to all the others, but along the beams, words were written with black and red symbols. The front part of the house was covered by a small roof supported by four beams planted into the ground. Hanging from them were various trinkets—hand-carved statuettes, colored crystals, feathers, and beads that jingled lightly when the wind stirred them.

The door opened, and the elderly woman appeared with a big smile, the staff in one hand and a long chain of red beads in the other.
"There you are! Sorry for the wait, but we had a cold outbreak."
We entered one by one, the first floor was modest and had everything a home needed— a kitchenette, a bed separated by a curtain, a rug with chairs and tables in front of a small TV.
The image of the witch watching a reality show flashed in my mind, and I held back a laugh.

To the side, a staircase led to the second floor. I could smell incense from the entrance, but once inside, it clung to my clothes.
I took advantage of a moment to discreetly open a window before joining the others at the table.

"I wanted to cook something extra, but I just got back—here."
A large pot was on the stove. Before I could get up, Ekaterina beat me to it, helping her turn off the fire before pouring the thick contents into wooden bowls that we passed around.
Once seated, I thanked them for the meal and took the first spoonful.

Beyond the intensely green cream, there were larger pieces of vegetables. I had to wait for it to cool a little so I wouldn't burn my lips.
"How are you, dear? You seemed upset yesterday."
I took the first bite, savoring the spicy flavor. I reached for a slice of bread and placed it on the nearest napkin, waiting a moment before responding as I considered my words.
"Tired. These are... difficult times." I dipped a piece of bread into the soup and swallowed small bites.
A pleasant silence surrounded us, broken only by the sound of spoons against bowls and glasses being placed on the table.
"Qimir told us about the problems with the Jedi. He was foolish to trust Mae. She's a sweet girl, but she wasn’t ready. I tried to dissuade her, but, well, the young ones."
I swallowed a bitter bite at the memory of the girl who had been captured by the Jedi—a foolish child who had let her mind be read by the man she wanted to kill. Ridiculous.

"I know she escaped. Did she come back here? Is she okay?"
I finished my slice of bread, glancing at the table, unsure if I could reach for another.
"No. But we spoke with Qimir and reached an agreement. I think she’s tracking down her sister now."
I nodded uncertainly.
Qimir had mentioned that he had tried to kill her after what happened, that he wanted to get his hands on her sister, but she had fled with the Jedi. Now, both were who-knows-where, but with a communicator connected to Qimir. I supposed the two were trying to make peace, though I couldn’t care less.
"But you shouldn’t worry about these things. You don’t have anything to do with it. You should leave it to Qimir to handle."
Once the others took their share, I took another slice of bread.
"I think I've let him handle things enough already," I joked, not hiding my irritation.
Fortunately, the other two took it lightly and laughed.

Nara finished eating and placed her bowl on the table before gripping her staff again, as if she missed holding it. The crystals jingled as she rested the staff horizontally on her lap.
"We know how much you're suffering. For people like us, connected to the Force, losing that connection feels like losing a limb. But we will help you bring it back."
I finished eating, my fingers itching with nervous energy.
I scratched my nails against the wooden rim of the bowl before setting it aside, but my hands still found refuge in my sweater sleeves.
"Do you know what’s happening to me?"
My voice came out faint, my shoulders tense.
"Oh, yes. It's not such a rare occurrence. Not in your form, at least. Sometimes, great emotional upheavals make it difficult for even a Sith to use the Force. Especially one like you."
She stood from her chair, gesturing toward the stairs.
"Let’s talk upstairs."

I followed her up the stairs, but Ekaterina didn’t come with us. She stopped at the first step, bowing slightly before leaving the house, leaving me alone with the Matriarch.
I didn’t feel uncomfortable until I saw what was upstairs.
The room, devoid of any furniture, was dimly lit. The windows were covered with heavy curtains, and the floor was illuminated by candles arranged in a circle. They rested on small candleholders, but as I walked around them, the flames flickered unsettlingly.
I wondered how long it would take for me to accidentally knock something over and set the house on fire. Not to mention the three incense burners hanging from the ceiling by braided cords.

She gestured for me to sit on a cushion near the wall while she did the same on the opposite side. Fighting against weak knees, I tried to sit down gracefully, but I had to get on all fours to lower myself onto the cushion, letting out a loud sigh.
I wanted to make a joke about bringing some chairs, but the air was so thick with incense that I swore if I didn’t focus on staying awake, I might pass out. At least from down here, the fall would be short.

"We saw you last night," she began, setting her staff in front of her, her hands folded in her lap.
"We heard you scream. We saw you running. How old were you? Fifteen? Sixteen?"

My heart pounded in my chest. They saw?
"What... well, your apprentice mentioned something, but I don’t think I understood what exactly you saw."
I glanced toward the staircase like a trapped animal. Couldn’t she just get to the point?
"Your nightmares. The others don’t have that level of ability yet, they felt your pain. But I saw it. Your signature is unstable. And when you dream, your mind opens up and exposes itself."
I clenched my fingers together, nervous.
Yet she spoke before I could ask her, "A Sith does not have these abilities. But as witches, these are the things we do best. You are vulnerable, Darth Wrath."

I exhaled sharply.
It seemed they really had seen everything.
Only my master had called me that when he promoted me.
"So what am I supposed to do? Just wait for you to... unlock me?"
I abandoned the polite tone I had forced upon myself until now. I felt naked, exposed like an open wound. It made me want to scratch at my skin from the nervousness, to jump up and move—even if it meant pacing in circles like a dog chasing its tail or setting my pants on fire with those damn candles.
"Of course not. This must be an individual journey. I will show you the path, but you must walk it yourself."
I gritted my teeth.
"You sound like Yoda," I snapped irritably.

I ran my hands inside my sleeves, rubbing at the skin of my wrists.
She, on the other hand, was as relaxed as ever—whatever "ever" meant.
"The actions of that night still haunt you. You became a Sith, but you have not yet accepted it."
For the first time, I saw her narrow her eyes. In the dim room, I could barely see it, but the warm glow of the candles cast deep shadows into the wrinkles of her face. Her irises were so light they almost looked white.
"Of course, I suffer for not being able to save them, but—"
She cut me off.
"I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about the man you killed. The first man you ever killed."
My heart pounded, and I began scratching higher up my arms.
"I have no remorse for that pig," I whispered acidly.
The candle flames flickered slightly.
"I remember every second with joy—I did it for a higher cause."

She shook her head and fully opened her eyes. That’s when I realized—she was blind.
"That is why you have not yet reached your full potential. You keep justifying yourself. Searching for a greater good. But without morality, you are just a murderer."
Her words stabbed into my chest like a dagger.
I could feel them digging between my ribs, pressing against my heart.
The scent of incense was overwhelming, and I struggled to breathe, but I didn’t want to get up or run away. If I did, I would feel... defeated, like I had proven her right.
But she wasn’t right. I had never justified myself, not even to Qimir.
I had been angry, and I saw no other choice, but—
"-There was another choice," she responded as if reading my mind.
"There is always another choice. Even doing nothing is a choice. But you wanted revenge. It was not a solution, it didn’t fix anything. You wanted to make him suffer."
I clenched my fists into the fabric of my pants, trembling, seething with rage.
"And so what?!"
I ignored the fact that she had clearly seen everything—or at least enough to know what I had done. Maybe Qimir had told her something, but I didn’t care.
I had never hidden it.
"Why do you think I agreed to be trained? By that point, I had realized who I was. I know what I am—"
But again, she shook her head, closing her eyes once more.

"Then why don’t you act like it? Why have you spent all these years hiding? Pretending to be dead? Why not bring justice to the Jedi Order you claim to hate so much?"
I leaned forward with a deep scowl.
"And what exactly should I do? Is it a crime to want to live in peace?"

She smiled.
"So you admit you did it for your own benefit. There is no morality here. You killed a man, tortured him, hoping to make him suffer as long as possible. And now that you’re about to have a child, you’re afraid. But there is nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, a good woman does not make a good mother. Stop fighting who you are. Stop fighting what you want."
What did I want?
I wanted—
"I want to be good. For my son, as a mother—" —to smash your fragile head against the floor.

"I don’t understand what you want from me. Should I be like Qimir and seek revenge against an entire Order? Most of them are as innocent as I was. It doesn’t make sense to want war."
"You can’t postpone this confrontation any longer. Whatever choice you make regarding your acolyte, the consequences will fall on you as well. And on your son."
I turned to look around again, gripping onto the sight of the candles, their flickering flames.
I swore that despite burning for a while, they hadn’t shortened at all. Yet I could see the wax droplets sliding down to the base.
"Fighting the Jedi is politics now. They don’t need me to fail," I snapped.
The thin haze of burning incense thickened like a mist.
"And if they come near me again, I will kill them."
I had to blink several times to focus on the dark silhouette of the Matriarch in front of me.
The smoke was so heavy it felt tangible. The candles were just vague yellowish shapes now.
I was about to tell her that I had enough of this witchcraft and needed some fresh air.
Then I closed my eyes.

And when I opened them again, I was on the couch at home.

I gasped for a full breath of fresh mountain air.
I touched the couch.
The table.
I placed my feet on the ground.
Everything was normal.

I had already had enough of their tricks.
I missed the days when I wandered the galaxy with no worries, no problems, no Qimir.
Force, how much I was beginning to regret it.
Maybe I should have just died all those years ago.
But even those self-hating thoughts didn’t change anything.
Maybe it was just meant to be this way, change the galaxy, system, planet, life.
But start with the Jedi and end with the Jedi.

I got up to get a glass of water when the door opened.
Qimir and Sam returned.
The little droid had a brand-new cover, though it wasn’t lacquered in the same color yet. He whistled happily, circling around my feet to show me his side. They had even cleaned and smoothed out the protruding edges.
"Well, look at this handsome boy," I joked, patting his head.
Even the glass of his eye had been replaced—he actually looked almost new.

"You're back already? I thought you’d be there all day."
Qimir placed a bag on the table before glancing at me with a strange look.
"Are you okay? You seem... different."
I filled the glass and drank it all in one go.
"If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me."
The tone came out more irritated than I intended.
I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had been said to me.
Since that day, so many years ago, no one had ever pointed a finger at me, or judged me for anything.
First, I had been a victim. Then, someone to pity.
Then... I had left.
I didn’t even know exactly how much the woman had seen.
She could have been bluffing to make me react—but I couldn’t understand why.

"Mh... so, did she tell you anything? Are you going to the castle?"
He moved to stand beside me, but I stepped away, nearing the couch again.
A part of me hoped to find something there among the cushions—a letter with instructions, a crystal, anything.
But there was only the crease in the fabric.
"I’ll go. I don’t know... maybe tomorrow." whether they liked it or not.

"I’m going to fix this problem."
He made a noise of understanding.
"If I may—"
I turned to look at him.
His hair was still tied back in a ponytail, but he was wearing different clothes—signs that he had probably changed and taken a shower.
"—I think you’ve already done something. With the Force, I mean. It’s... different."
I scoffed.
"Can you be more specific?"
But he shrugged, shaking his head.
"I don’t know, it’s... did you do anything with them?"
He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the sink.
I mimicked his stance, sitting on the backrest of the couch.
"We talked. With, I don’t know—candles and incense. It was giving me a headache. And... they said they felt me the other night. I—I don’t know. But the Matriarch saw my memories."
I sighed.
"I think she saw everything. Everything I told you about me. At least, from when I killed—"
I pressed my lips together to stifle a grimace.
"She spouted a bunch of nonsense. She knows nothing about me."
Qimir nodded slowly.
I could practically hear the gears turning in his head.
"Can I ask what she said specifically?"

I gave him an irritated smile.
"That I’m running away. That I’m not acting like a Sith. Because—I keep, I don’t know—avoiding the Jedi—"
I saw him raise a hand, and I swore I could read the words on his face before he even opened his mouth.
"Don’t you dare," I whispered, bringing a finger to my lips.
"Don't you dare say that fucking phrase. I don’t care what you think. Got it?"
At a slow pace, I approached him until I was close enough to press my finger against his chest.

"I am fine."

We stared at each other in silence.
I was close enough to hear, as well as see, his Adam’s apple shift as he swallowed.
He nodded slowly, his hand moving around mine, fingers wrapping around my smaller one.
"Okay—I’m sorry—"

The tense moment was interrupted when Sam, behind us, called out in concern, looking past our shoulders.
We turned just in time to see the cabinet doors open and various utensils and dishes floating in the air.
A crackling energy filled the space.
I took a step back in surprise, exhaling the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
And as if a switch had been flipped, the plates, glasses, and cutlery hovering above our heads crashed to the floor with a loud clatter.

Plates and glasses shattered into a thousand pieces, scattering across the floor until they reached my feet.
Qimir raised a hand, creating a Force shield as the smaller shards shot like projectiles in every direction.
Once the worst was over, he lowered the shield and looked at me with concern.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded, staring at the mess of broken shards on the floor.
"Was that you?"
But he shook his head.
"Sit down, I’ll clean up."
But I stayed there, staring at the floor, the furniture nearby.
Some of the smaller shards had embedded themselves into the wood of the cabinets.
Fortunately, Sam had hidden behind the couch.

Somehow, they hadn’t just been dropped to the floor—they had exploded on impact, as if subjected to extreme heat.
My hands trembled once again.

Something was definitely happening.