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Chapter Text

April was completely fucking annoyed. She was trying valiantly not to be annoyed, but she couldn’t help it. She was annoyed. April was in week two of waiting on the response from her early decision application to Emory Law. If it worked out, that would be immediately followed by an application to the School of Business. The last six months had been a shitstorm of preparing to graduate from UGA and fit in a thesis, the LSAT, the GRE, and application after application into an already tough course load. She was absolutely drained of all of her mental capacity and surprisingly really tired of tooting her own horn.

She needed a break. She was tired. She was stressed. And she just wanted to take the night to melt into her side of the bed in the one bedroom apartment she shared with Sterling right off campus in Athens. In fact, a naked Sterling feeding her mint chocolate chip ice cream in bed would really hit the spot right now. It was the cure to all of her ails.

Except Sterling wanted to have a party. A party in Atlanta at a trendy little restaurant that would require her to drive not only the seventy-five miles, but to socialize in very uncomfortable shoes. It was meant to be a Valentine’s party for all the lovely couples in their lives. It was a beautiful thought, but the timing was shit. And also, some of the lovely couples in their lives weren’t all that lovely. Including, but not limited to, her parents.

April had tried to dissuade it, but Sterling insisted. She planned manically, absolutely determined for this “party” to go off without a single hitch. It was weird, but April was so distracted by academics that she was resigned to let it happen. All April had to do was show up. One night. Smile and wave. Dance with her girlfriend and then drive back home and relax until that admissions email chimed in her inbox.

It really should be easy enough.

April arrived with the party seemingly already full swing, which was a surprise to her. She checked the time, which corresponded with what Sterling had told her. Although, she supposed that she could have misunderstood. They had been a bit disconnected as of late. It seemed like all the important players in their lives were here, though. Sterling had really gone heavy on the invitations for an intimate Valentine’s gathering as it had been previously described in the early stages. That had morphed into at least sixty people, she guessed.

Sterling had gone all out on the decor, too. String lights traversed the space while tasteful heart shaped balloons were perched on every table with a lighted vase. It was gorgeous, really. How the hell she had time to do all this, April had no idea. She approached the strand of lights closest to her and smiled at the polaroid pictures that had been placed there by party-goers. They were interspersed with pics of April and Sterling throughout their relationship. It was cute. Sterling was cute. She looked at the two girls in the photo and she felt so removed from that time in their lives and the smiles on their faces. The feeling didn’t sit well.

“Stevens,” Blair’s voice cut through her disjointed thoughts. “Welcome to Sterling’s LoveFest.”

“Wesley,” April acknowledged Sterling’s sister with a lukewarm greeting. “She’s outdone herself this time.”

Blair smiled appreciatively. “I believe she has,” she said. “Can I get you a drink?”

April eyed her suspiciously, “You’re being accommodating, what gives?”

Blair guffawed. “Oh, come on, Stevens. You’re practically family. I can get you a drink without an ulterior motive.”

“You can,” April agreed. “But, I’m not sure you ever have.”

“Sterling made me promise to be on my best behavior,” Blair admitted. “One night only. Take advantage.”

“Of course,” April said with a nod. “Sterl’s doing.”

“Yep,” Blair said, pointing across the room where the woman herself had appeared.

Sterling was all smiles. Honestly, pure joy danced across her face. Her eyes twinkled as she floated from guest to guest. She looked so happy. So content as she chatted away with friends like she had no other care in the world. Maybe she didn’t.

That tinge of annoyance sparked in April’s gut again. How was Sterling so carefree?

“I’m gonna go catch up with her,” April said to Blair. “Catch me later with the drink.”

April exchanged smiles and pleasantries with people as she made her way through the crowd. They were almost oddly focused on her, everybody making an attempt to gain her attention for a fleeting second as she passed.

“Wow,” she exclaimed when she reached her girlfriend. “How many lovely couples do we know?”

“Hey, babe,” Sterling said as she dropped a quick kiss to April’s lips. She immediately brushed her thumb over the spot to presumably wipe away a smear of lipstick. “You’re here.”

“I am.”

“And, you look amazing,” Sterling complimented as she scanned April’s outfit.

“As do you,” April responded. “Nice job,” she offered in regards to the decorations. “When did you have time for all this?”

“I had help,” Sterling answered with a mischievous smirk. “I wanted it to be perfect.”

“Perfect?” April chuckled. “You’re really taking this seriously.”

“Well,” Sterling said, her tone flattening slightly, “I’m serious.”

“About party planning?” April asked with narrowed eyes. “Oh-kay. Fair enough.”

“This particular party, yes.” Sterling winked at her as she ducked back in for another quick kiss to April’s cheek. “I’m going to go check on the hors d'oeuvres. There’s crab cakes.”

“I love crab cakes,” April said.

“Do ya now?” Sterling asked playfully as she hooked their pinkies briefly. “Get a crab cake then. I’ll see you soon.”

April found the crab cakes in the same proximity of Anderson and Debbie Wesley.

Just as she was about the pop that puffy little pastry in her mouth, Deb spotted her. “April!”

“Hi,” she gave Deb a quick wave. “How are ya’ll?”

“Oh,” Deb sighed wistfully. “Isn’t this beautiful?”

“It’s really just something,” Anderson commented before April got a chance to. “This whole evening is just, well, I’m just gonna say it, it’s a magical night.”

“It is!” Debbie agreed wholeheartedly. “It’s such a magical night.”

April thought she saw a tear escape Deb’s eye. “You doin’ alright?”

“I’ve never been better,” Deb answered.

“We’re just so happy our girls are happy,” Anderson said as he drank in the scenery. “Just so very magical.”

“For love,” Deb finished. “Honestly, we’re just so proud, ya know.”

“Of Sterling,” Anderson went on. “And you,” he pointed at her, “April Stevens. You’re like a daughter to us.”

“And Blair, too,” Deb continued as well. “Most of the time.”

April swiped another crab cake and backed away slowly. They were even more intense than usual. “You two enjoy the party.”

They looked as if they wanted to continue the conversation, but April hastily made a getaway. So, hastily, in fact, that she bumped right into Ezequiel.

“Sorry,” she initially apologized, but then realized who was standing there. “Oh, hey.”

Ezequiel had already found the crab cakes judging by the small plate he carried. “Girl, I don’t know if you’re worth all this,” he said as he polished off his last bite. “Wow.”

“I know, right?” she laughed out loud. “Finally, someone being normal.”

“She really went all the way out,” he said as he plucked a bottle of champagne out of a bucket and flashed the label at her. “Girl ain’t playin’.”

“She put together a nice party,” April agreed. “But, it’s a bit much. Even for Sterl.”

Ezequiel tilted his head to the side and studied her for a moment. “Oh,” he said slowly. “Oh, you don’t know.”

April arched her brow, “Know what?”

“Exactly,” Ezequiel responded as he plopped the bottle back into the ice with a splash. “Not worth all this.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” April asked herself as she watched him retreat to the corner with Hannah B and her husband. Just over his shoulder was a giant metallic sign bearing an A + S while a framed photograph of April and Sterling adorned the dessert table.

“Congratulations,” April’s Aunt Jenny said as she passed by. “What a lovely event.”

“You two are such goals,” her cousin Sarah squealed as she led her new boyfriend by the hand. She winked at April, “Congrats!”

And that’s what prompted her to seek out Sterling again.

Sterling, who seemed to be floating even higher than before, was directing caterers where to place a beautifully decorated three tiered cake.

“Hi,” April said as she gently took Sterling’s elbow. “Can I speak with you for a moment?”

Sterling took April’s hand, beaming. “Of course, you can.”

April was momentarily struck by Sterling’s unnaturally wide grin. “Uh,” she blew out a breath. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Sterling asked, her smile not fading in the least.

April gestured around. “There’s twenty bottles of ridiculously expensive champagne chilling over there. Why? How? We had Cheez-Its with a peanut butter garnish for supper last night.”

Sterling giggled, “We’re celebrating.”

“What are we celebrating?”

“Love, baby,” Sterling answered without hesitation. “Us.”

It was then that everything snapped into place. April’s parents, however intolerable, were here. The blubbering Wesleys were here. Blair being hospitable. All of their friends were here. This wasn’t just a party of lovely couples that were celebrating love. It was a party celebrating them. April and Sterling. With a lightning strike of clarity, she realized what was coming just before it started to unfold.

And she stood there, completely and remarkably numb to it all.

Numb to Sterling’s smile as she kneeled just in front of April. Numb to the small velvet box that rested in her palm. Even to the gasps of the crowd that encouraged Sterling to blush ever so slightly while she professed her undying affection.

“I love you, April. I’ve loved you every day since I was seventeen years old. And I love you even more every time I wake up next to you. It may have taken us a little time to figure out how to be us, but we make it work. You and me. We’re the best team and you’re the best teammate. You’re the most wonderful person I know. You’re beautiful and brilliant and so damn stubborn and downright surly when you miss breakfast, but you make me so happy. I can’t wait to spend our lives challenging each other and creating a family and being in the front row for all the amazing things you do. So, April Scarlett Stevens, whaddya say, will you marry me?”

Sterling made a move forward to take her hand and April pulled back slightly. It was that motion that finally dimmed the smile on Sterling’s face. April immediately hated herself for it. She hated that she was about to do what she was about to do. She hated that all of their friends were here to witness it. She hated that she and Sterling had fought and clawed for her parents’ approval and she was just about to hand over all the ammunition they’d ever need to blow them up.

Sterling’s brows furrowed. She was obviously confused as her shoulders fell. The question was etched on her face. “April, what’s wrong?”

April shook her head.

“What’s going on?” Sterling asked as she reached for her again.

“Can we...” April nodded toward the double doors that led to the balcony. It was away from prying eyes, but not nearly far enough away from this situation.

Sterling stood shakily and leaned closer. “What’s happening?” she whispered anxiously.

“Let’s talk,” April said as calmly as she could muster.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s happening right now.”

April sighed. “Sterl, let’s discuss this somewhere less publicly.”

Sterling took a quick glance around at every single pair of eyes boring into her and acquiesced. “Okay.”

April led Sterling out with a hand at the small of her back. She chivalrously opened the door and guided Sterling through. The cool breeze hitting her face provided relief somehow for a moment as she brushed over Sterling’s hip aiming for a comforting touch. The eruption of shocked murmurs as soon as they were out of sight was anything but comforting.

Sterling circled on her immediately, “What the hell was that?”

“Let’s take a second.” It was placating.

“Are you saying no?” Sterling asked frantically, her voice rising. “You’re saying no?”

“Sterl, take a breath.”

“You’re not going to marry me?” Sterling asked her point blank. “Is that what you’re saying?”

“I-uh, I didn’t say no,” April said defensively, her hands up. “I just-”

“You didn’t say anything,” Sterling countered. “That’s no, April.”

April swallowed. “I’m not saying no, I’m just not saying...yes.”

“What the fuck do you mean you’re not saying no or yes,” Sterling said, a squeal in her voice. “It’s a yes or no question. It’s the most classic of all the yes or no’s.”

April took a beat. She found Sterling’s eyes. “Are we ready for that?”

Sterling stared back, looking absolutely dumbfounded by the question. “I am. Are you not?”

“I don’t know,” April said. “We’ve barely discussed what happens next.”

“We’ve done nothing but discuss what happens next.”

April scoffed. “With graduate school and possible apartments and where we might move in five years...”

“Oh,” Sterling rolled her eyes sarcastically. “I was under the impression that our collective moving in five years meant we’d be, ya know, together.”

“Together, sure, of course,” April agreed. “But, married? We’ve never discussed marriage.”

“Are you serious?” Sterling was flabbergasted. “How was that not implied?”

“Nothing should be implied,” April said. “Everything needs to be explicitly discussed when it comes to legalities.”

“We’ve been together for five years, April. We live together. We’re in love...” Sterling paused and took a step back. All the vibrancy that she had carried earlier had drained from her features. Her body slumped with the heavy betrayal of it all. She searched April’s face pleadingly for a moment before whispering, “You don’t love me.”

“Yes, I do,” April said as adamantly as she could. “I do, I promise you. I do love you. I’ve always loved you, Sterl. More than anything. I just can’t commit-”

“Can’t commit?” Sterling chuckled mirthlessly. “You don’t have any problem committing to the things you want to commit to, April Stevens. Nobody’s ever been more committed-”

“-to an engagement right now. I mean, pursuing a dual graduate-”

“-or more determined to do whatever the hell they wanted-”

“-is going to be brutal for a few years. You know this, so it’s probably not a good move for me-

“-so it must be me.” Sterling muttered almost inaudibly, “You can’t commit to me.”

“It’s not you,” April said.

“But, it is,” Sterling responded. “I’m the one left out here. It’s...me...who’s losing here.”

“This is not what I intended,” April claimed, trying to stop what felt like a train speeding out of her control. “Can we just slow down? Let’s take a breath. Get some perspective. Take a few steps back-”

“No,” Sterling said. “I asked you to marry me, April. You don’t want to. There’s no steps back from that. I can’t unask the question.”

Now it was April’s turn to be dumbfounded. “What are you saying?”

The door swung open suddenly and Blair appeared, holding a bottle of champagne in one hand while another was tucked under her arm. They both looked her way.

“Let’s go, Sterl,” she asked, holding out her hand.

“Blair, give us a second,” April said to her, annoyance clear in her tone. “We’re having a conversation.”

“Well, it’s over now,” Blair said evenly.

“You don’t get to decide that,” April argued before looking back at Sterling. “Sterling, listen. We need to just talk this out. Right? We can talk this out...can’t we? Sterl? Look at me.”

“No,” Sterling said quietly. “No, April. She’s right. She’s totally right.”

The feeling of nagging dread that had tickled in April's gut all night became despair as she registered the finality of her decision. “Sterling, I love you. I love you and we just...I don’t...this is not what I wanted to happen. Okay? This is not...it’s not...this is not…happening.”

It was the tears that were streaming out of Sterling’s eyes that stayed etched in April’s mind as well as the words she spoke as she walked away. “It is over now.”

Chapter Text

“Nervous?” Ezequiel asked from his position in the passenger seat of April’s SUV as she navigated downtown Atlanta traffic.

“No.” April said as she eased into a turn lane and flipped her blinker. She tapped her fingers on her steering wheel in anticipation of the green signal while humming a cringey pop song about long lost love that had been stuck in her head lately under her breath. Yes, she was well aware those were two of her nervous tics. “Not at all.”

Ezequiel took in her anxious twitch and laughed heartily. “Liar.”

“Just attending a wedding reception,” April reported, still strumming. “It’s fine. No big deal.”

“No big deal,” Ezequiel repeated in a mocking tone. “Nothing out of the ordinary is happening today. Nobody to see. Didn’t circle the date or anything. Didn’t obsess over what you’re wearing at all.”

April hit the gas and made the turn. “Shut up. Shut all the way up.”

“You look great,” Ezequiel complimented. “Even if it did take eight wardrobe changes.”

“Hardly,” April said. She pressed the A/C button for more cool air, but only because June in Atlanta was oppressive. Not because she was nervous. “Four.”

“I stand corrected.”

“It’s just a reception,” April repeated. “I’ve attended plenty.”

April had not been invited to the wedding. That was for immediate family members and close friends. April had lost her “close friends” status over a year ago when she rejected a certain proposal in front of every single fucking person she knew. That included the soon to be betrothed Sarah Stevens-McAllister and Devlin Warner II. Yeah, Sarah Stevens-McAllister. Sarah was her cousin, which is why she landed an invitation to the reception at the gaudiest, ritziest hotel ballroom in Atlanta. But, Sarah and Sterling were sorority sisters, ties that bind deeper than blood, apparently. Which is why she didn’t get invited to the wedding.

It was what it was. Which was embarrassing as hell. But, alas, this was her first opportunity to see Sterling. And she hadn’t seen Sterling since she and Blair packed up the last of her things into their Daddy’s truck and left the apartment in Athens. Somehow, Sterling eluded her for the next two months, skipped walking at graduation, and then promptly took a job in Louisville. The only information she was left privy to was the details on Sterling’s LinkedIn page.

Probably fair.

“This is ridiculous,” Ezequiel whispered to her as they entered the venue. If glittering was an Olympic sport, the decor in the room would have taken all three medals. “But in a God-tier kind of way.”

“I knew you’d enjoy the spectacle of it,” April said to him. “In all its hyper indulgent glory.”

“Thank you for dragging me along,” Ezequiel said appreciatively. “You know how much I love gross displays of wealth and privilege.”

“Nobody loves it more,” April said. “Now make nice with the elite, I’ve got to head to the restroom.”

“Go ahead.” Ezequiel gave her a nod, “I’ll find her so that we can perch and observe.”

“Please, don’t do that.”

“Fine,” he pouted and dramatically rolled his eyes. “I’ll wait.”

It was all for naught, she knew. Ezequiel would absolutely be trying to locate Sterling so that they could assess the situation from afar. They’d workshopped the possibilities endlessly as the day approached. April swore she just needed closure. It was simple. She just needed to lay eyes on Sterling one more time and she’d know she made the right decision. They could get all of the unpleasantness out of the way and maybe reintroduce themselves into each other’s lives. April was a lesbian, she was supposed to be friends with her ex. It’s how God intended, damn it.

In fact, she almost hoped that Ezequiel would find Sterling so that she didn't have some terribly embarrassing run in. She thought about how much that would suck when she reached out to pump the soap dispenser and bumped hands...with one Sterling P. Wesley.

“I’m so- oh,” April stuttered out. And, of course, Sterling’s presence alone felt like a volt of electricity had zapped April’s body. Her heart sped up, her thoughts scrambled, her nerves went haywire. She was not prepared for an immediate onslaught of Sterling feelings. So much for simple closure. “Hey. Hey, there. Hi,” finally tumbled out of her mouth as clumsily as she felt.

“Hi, April,” Sterling said with civility after taking an obvious steadying breath.

“Hi.” April chivalrously gave her the universal go-ahead sign. “Welcome, please,” she said as she gestured toward the soap. “Soap. For you.”

“Thank you.”

April’s heart beat just a little faster in her chest as she watched Sterling punch the soap dispenser a couple of times and proceed to wash her hands. Her hands. April remembered the feel of them. She remembered how well they fit hers. She remembered how effortlessly they used to find each other’s hands. Her fingertips ghosting along April’s neck. Nails on her back. Fingers inside...it took a second for her brain to catch up and she realized she was staring. She glanced away for a moment, then to Sterling’s reflection in the mirror. “So...”

Sterling didn’t respond.

“How’ve you been?” April asked lamely.

April caught the slight roll of Sterling’s eyes as she turned to face her. “I’m good. You?”

“I’ve been well,” April said. “How’s Louisville?”

Sterling didn’t seem surprised that April had known where she’d ended up. “It’s different, but I’m starting to like different.”

“That’s...fantastic,” April said awkwardly, feeling the intended jab. “I wondered if you’d come.”

“Yeah,” Sterling said. “Of course, I did. Sarah and I were always close. Even more so since...”

“Yes, of course,” April nodded. “I’ve heard. Aunt Jenny is a skilled conversationalist when it comes to others.”

“That’s nicer than saying she’s a huge gossip.”

“I’m growing,” April said with a grin.

Sterling didn’t return it. “Well...” she made a motion to leave.

“How’s the new job?” April asked quickly, suddenly desperate to prolong the discussion.

Sterling’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “Fine...how’s school?”

“Busy. Incredibly busy. This is the first time I’ve come up for air in months,” April told her. “I was lucky, though. Got an internship for the summer. Researching mostly, but I’m game for anything other than torts after 1L.”

“Lucky?” Sterling wasn’t buying it. “I thought preparedness was the precursor to the illusion of luck.”

“Whoever said that was pretentious as hell.”

“I wholeheartedly agree,” Sterling said. “With both.”

“Seriously,” April said. “It’s even more of a grind than I expected. Worn out a couple hundred highlighters. I love it, though.”

“Good for you,” Sterling finally cracked a grin. “I’m pr-” she started, but stopped herself, shook her head and just repeated. “Good for you, April.”

“Thanks...” April took a deep breath. “Hey...”

“Enjoy the reception,” Sterling said, a brief look of sadness crossing her features as she exited.

April groaned at the awkwardness that enveloped them. She couldn’t leave like that.

“Hey, Sterl,” April followed her out and down the long corridor that led back to the ballroom. “Can we please just talk?”

Sterling didn’t break stride when she said, “We are talking. Still, somehow.”

“Not bullshit small talk, Sterl. Please,” April pleaded.

Sterling hesitated and finally turned. “This is probably not the place.”

“No, probably not,” April agreed. “But, we’ve never really gotten a chance to clear the air.”

“There’s no need-”

“I never got the chance to apologize to you,” April said.

“Why would you apologize?” Sterling asked, her voice gaining an edge.

“Sterling,” April reached for her and was disheartened when Sterling angled away ever so slightly. “Two minutes.” She held up two fingers and wiggled them when Sterling still hadn’t relented. “Two. That’s it.”

Sterling drew in a long breath and released it. She then visibly centered herself, interlocking her fingers and then looked at April expectantly.

“I could’ve handled it differently,” April said when she had the floor. “I wish that I had.”

Sterling bit her lip, considering it.

“I regret that I was so wrapped up in my own endeavors that I didn’t recognize that you had reached a turning point. That you needed more from us. I wish that I had paid more attention to what was obviously happening in hindsight-”

“No,” Sterling interrupted quietly. “Listen, I take responsibility for putting you in an impossible situation. Believe me, had I known you were unhappy-”

“I wasn’t unhappy-”

“-then I obviously wouldn’t have proposed-”

“-it wasn’t necessarily-”

“-and put you on the spot in front of everyone-”

“-I was taken by surprise-”

“-because I never imagined that you didn’t want to marry me,” Sterling said as she quickly brushed a single tear from her face. “And that’s...my fault.”

“It wasn’t you, Sterling,” April said. “Really.”

“You’re right,” Sterling acknowledged. “I mean, it took me a while to figure it out. But, you’re right. As hard as it was to come to terms with. It wasn’t me. For you, I mean. It wasn’t me. I thought we were happy, but I didn’t even know you weren’t. How did I miss that?” Sterling sighed, glancing into the distance. “But I get it now. And I sincerely hope you find your happiness, April. I really do.”

April swallowed hard around that statement. She wanted to argue that she had found her happiness. She had found it six years ago in the back of a Chevy Volt. She had found it at an all-nighter Senior year when they had played strip Trivial Pursuit in Sterling’s sex tent. She had found it as they proudly held hands walking through Georgia’s campus. She’d found it as she howled in laughter while watching Sterling write S.P.W. hearts A.S.S. in four foot letters on Driftwood Beach after a spontaneous weekend road trip. She’d found it on her 21st birthday when Sterling made 21 cupcakes with little descriptions of the most interesting thing that happened in the world on each of April’s birthdays. She’d lost sight of it for a moment. Admittedly at the worst possible moment, but she had found it.

And she may have said all of that, but she was suddenly distracted by a beautiful woman.

A gorgeous dark-skinned woman that floated right into their orbit and snaked her arm around Sterling’s waist. She smiled a megawatt smile and offered Sterling a champagne flute. “For you,” she said smoothly with a wink. “Figured you could use it to tamp down all that nervous energy from earlier.”

“Thank you,” Sterling said back to her as she accepted the glass. “I wondered where you had wandered off to.”

“Oh, I was also congratulating Sarah and Devlin.”

“Ah.”

April’s eyes snapped from the woman to Sterling in question, begging for any answer besides the fucking glaringly obvious.

Sterling took a drink of champagne before speaking. “Malia...this is April.”

Malia rocked forward, hand out as Sterling continued. “April, Malia,” she said with a subtle nod.

“Malia,” April repeated like an idiot as she shook the woman’s hand. “April Stevens.”

“Are you one of Sterling’s college friends as well?” Malia asked.

Why it stung that Malia didn’t know who April was, she didn’t know. It did, though. Like a honey bee on a barefoot. “You could say that,” April answered, looking at Sterling once more. “Sterling and I go way back.”

“That’s so sweet,” Malia said with a genuine smile. “All of Sterling’s friends have been so great.” She turned back to Sterling, beaming. “Almost as great as my girl here.”

April caught that like a bullet to the gut. She had been so focused on what seeing Sterling might be like that she never once considered what seeing Sterling with someone else might be like. The answer: bad. Lung deflating, rib breaking, heart stopping, raw nerve touching anguish-like bad. “Yeah, Sterl’s pretty great,” she eventually choked out, her stomach churning at the development.

“We were going...” Sterling gestured over her shoulder to anywhere but this spot.

“April, what do you do?” Malia asked, not picking up Sterling’s exit strategy in the least.

“I’m in my second year at Emory in a joint degree program,” April said proudly. “I’m starting on my M.B.A. next semester. Just finished my first year of law school.”

“Wow,” Malia looked impressed. “That’s amazing. So, you’re here in Atlanta?”

“I am,” April answered. “I’m from Atlanta. Sterling and I, uh, grew up together actually.”

“Oh, you did?” Malia glanced back at Sterling. “So maybe you can give me some advice about meeting the Wesleys tomorrow.”

“You’re meeting Andy and Deb?” April croaked out before herself glancing at Sterling. “Really? Already? Wow.”

Sterling shuffled anxiously. “Um…Sunday dinner.”

“Having dinner with her parents and Blair,” Malia answered, giving April a conspiratorial grin. “Although, I’ve, of course, met Blair already. When she came to visit a few weeks ago.”

“Of course,” April said with a knowing nod. “Can’t have one without the other.”

Sterling shot her a warning glare.

“What?” April shrugged. “That much is true. I’m sure you can attest to that, Malia.”

“We can exist in our separate spaces now,” Sterling chimed in. “You know that as well as anybody,” she said to April pointedly.

“They are fun when they’re together, though,” Malia said.

April’s heart ached with the familiarity she spoke of them. “Never a dull moment with those two.”

“Well, now that we’ve caught up,” Sterling guided Malia away. “I think I’m ready for another drink and a dance.”

“Absolutely,” Malia said, following her. She did throw a, “nice to meet you, April,” her way before chasing after Sterling.

Sterling herself didn’t look back. April knew it because she watched her walk away. Watched her make her way through the throngs of people, hand firmly in Malia’s. She watched her smile and mingle and dance. She watched until Ezequiel appeared beside her.

“You found her first.”

“I did,” she said, fighting back tears. “She always did say we were magnetic.”

“And?” Ezequiel probed. “How did it go? Did it alleviate that terrible case of seller’s remorse you can’t seem to shake?”

“She brought a date to my cousin’s wedding,” April said in disbelief.

“Did you not anticipate that?” Ezequiel asked, eyes wide. “Good lord, honey. Did you sleep through the law school course on vengeance? That’s gotta be like one-oh-one or something. Thou shalt bring hot date to spite ex-girlfriend that jilted you. I might be mixing my metaphors. Either way, of course she did. I would’ve. Hell, I would have two dates if you’d left me at the altar.”

“It wasn’t at the altar,” April argued, taking the champagne that he was holding and draining the glass and handing it back. “You were there. Stop with all the hyperbole.”

“Close enough.”

“But...” April looked longingly at the pair of them dancing. “She’s dating?”

“Looks as if,” Ezequiel confirmed. “It’s been a year, April. The better question is: why aren’t you?”

April sidestepped that question. “She’s not only dating, she’s introducing Muh-lee-uh to her parents.”

“Okay...”

“Andy and Deb practically adopted me and now she’s just taking some other person to meet them,” April continued. “What the fuck is that?”

“April,” Ezequiel grasped her hand and gave her a stern look. “Sweetie, you have to let it go. I only accompanied you to this fancy ass affair so that I could cheerlead you into moving on. Well, that and to meet a filthy hot snob to whisk me off to the South of France. But, mostly, I’m here for you.”

“You ever made the most colossal mistake of your life even though you’re not convinced it was a mistake at all?” April asked, her voice filled with the confliction she was still feeling about how they ended. “She’s dating someone else,” April said to him like it was beyond comprehension. “How can Sterling be dating someone else? How did this happen? I mean...we were supposed to move to Charleston and get a cat and get marr-”

And then she saw it. The look on Ezequiel’s face that she had gotten so many times after the “breakup.” A look of absolute pity.

“Oh, fuck,” April sighed heavily. “Right. I’m what happened.”

“What else is she supposed to do?” Ezequiel asked her gently.

That was the question that had plagued her even a year later. What was Sterling supposed to do after a disastrous proposal? Just pack the three-tiered salted caramel cake into the trunk and go back to their place? Laugh it off with an excuse about getting wires crossed or asking again in a few years? How could they have continued in the wake of that emotional upheaval? April had been embarrassed walking back through the crowd that hung around afterward. She couldn’t imagine what that had been like for Sterling. Her heart sunk like it always did when she thought of that day.

“I don’t know,” April muttered.

The problem was that she didn’t know what she was supposed to do either.

Chapter Text

“This is awesome!” Hannah B shouted as she, Ezequiel and April entered the Willingham junior varsity gym. It was teeming with their old classmates. A banner stretched out welcoming them back while a band played a familiar tune up on the small stage. “Whoo hoo, getting the gang back together!”

“That would imply we don’t speak once a week,” Ezequiel said to her right.

“Sometimes I wish we didn’t,” April imparted as straightened her blazer, taking in the scene. “Wow. This is even more depressing than I thought.”

“Another ride for The Three Amen-gos!” Hannah B whooped and grabbed April’s hand to swing at their sides.

“Nobody called us that,” April denied and wrenched her hand away.

“Um,” Ezequiel inserted, “Girl, you must have forgotten that you had matching jackets made with sequin lettering.”

“Well, then I’m full of regret about it,” April said as she squirted a drop of hand sanitizer and slid the travel size bottle back into her pocket. “Let’s never mention it again.”

“I still wear mine sometimes when the baby won’t stop crying and I need to remember what life was like before,” Hannah B said wistfully. “But, speaking of things you regret...” she gestured across the room where Sterling was gathered up with a group of people already.

April batted her arm down. “Don’t point. It’s rude.”

“Yeah,” Ezequiel said. “She might get the wrong idea and think that April’s only here to see her...or something.”

April glared at him. “Are you going to be bitchy all night?”

“I’ve been bitchy my whole life,” Ezequiel responded. “So probably.”

It had been less than a month since the reception. Honestly, the experience had had the opposite of the intended effect. April was trying to move on from the whole debacle. But, seeing Sterling had made her ache to see her again. She certainly hadn’t wanted to attend her five year high school reunion. She’d never happily revisit the ever present smell of soiled socks. There were few options at her disposal, though. The reunion may well be her last opportunity. So, she came. She called up Hannah B and Ezequiel and told them she had changed her mind. That she thought a night out with her best friends from childhood would be a great boost before she started the school year in earnest. They, of course, saw right through her change of heart, but supported her just the same.

“Are you going to talk to her?” Ezequiel asked, giving her a light nudge.

“Well, I’m not going to just walk up there or anything,” April said. “I’ll have to wait for an organic opening to casually intercept her.”

The organic opening had still not come half an hour later. Sterling had flitted around like a social butterfly, giving high fives and the occasional hug. Everybody was always thrilled to be in her presence. She had always seemed to be in her element in these types of situations. Finally, when Sterling momentarily settled behind a table with a giant sign that said “Check In Here,” April decided to make her move. She deposited her blazer on the back of a chair and told Hannah and Ezequiel, “I’m going in.”

“Go girl!” Hannah B cheered while Ezequiel said, “Thank fuck.”

If her plan had been to sneak up on Sterling, she did a shit job. She didn’t even make it halfway before Sterling spotted her. She tracked her all the way to the desk, a questioning spark in her eye.

“This place has not changed in the slightest,” April opened with a cliche as she grabbed a Reunite with Jesus, too, sticker from the table designated as the information desk. “Is this where I get my welcome kit?”

“You didn’t RSVP,” Sterling countered. “So, no.”

“Oh,” April frowned. “I didn’t?”

“No, April, you didn’t,” Sterling informed her.

“Can I at least get a name tag?” April said, pointing to the stacks of name tags that were sorted by alphabetical order.

“Sure.” Sterling took her time writing April Stevens on a spare name tag before handing it to her.

April slapped it on her shirt above her breast. “Want to make sure people remember me.”

“You think they wouldn’t?”

“Well, I’d hope I made a lasting impression,” April said, “but you never know. Some people may want to forget me.”

Sterling seemed absolutely exasperated when she asked, “April, why are you here?”

“It’s our five-year reunion,” April answered. “Not nearly long enough away, but why not?”

“You hated everyone we went to high school with. Sometimes even Ezequiel and Hannah,” Sterling said. “You told me that all the time. Yet, you’re here.”

“I can be here-”

“I’m pretty sure I recall you saying that these reunions were a waste of taxpayer’s money,” Sterling reminded her.

“Well, who do you think is paying for the electricity to power all these rope lights and the knock off Weeknd cover band?” April asked. “Do they know anything other than Blinding Lights?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask when I booked ‘em,” Sterling admitted.

“The band is really top notch,” Luke said after he moseyed over to them. “Sterling, for real. This is amazing.”

“Luke, hi,” Sterling said in greeting to him as she rose to hug him. He bearhugged her back, lifting her off the ground before settling her back on the floor.

April rolled her eyes at the interaction and crossed her arms over her chest, pulling his attention.

Luke nodded at April. “April.”

“Luke,” she acknowledged.

“Surprised to see you,” he said.

“Sorry if my being here dims your reminiscence, Luke.”

He stared at her for a moment longer before turning to Sterling, “You alright?”

“Yes,” she said. “I am fine.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, hands up. “I’ll be around, ya know.”

“As always,” April commented, aggressively smiling.

Luke opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it.

April sent him a smug grin. The same smug grin she’d been giving him ever since she emerged the victor of Sterling’s heart in the dramatic love triangle they’d found themselves in junior year. The same smug grin she’d given him the one time that Luke tried to take her on. It wasn’t her fault. Luke had told her that it didn’t matter what she did, he’d always be Sterling’s first love and April let him know that it didn’t matter what he did, she’d always be the first one that made her come. And, well. That was that.

The tension was broken somewhat when Franklin approached and started rifling through the name tags. Even after he’d found his, he kept on thumbing through them. “Anybody seen Lorna?”

“No,” Sterling answered, “but she did RSVP.” She shot a look at April. “Unlike some.”

Franklin looked from Sterling to April. “Whoa, didn’t you two get married?”

“No,” Sterling said, a tight smile on her face. “We did not.”

“Oh, yeah,” Franklin grimaced. “You didn’t get married. Shit. Sorry.” He looked at April, “Didn’t you, like, dip on your wedding day?”

“I did not dip on our wedding day.”

“There was no wedding,” Sterling said. “Nor a wedding day to dip.”

“It was the engagement party she dipped out of,” Luke added with a smirk aimed at April. Karma is a real sneaky bitch sometimes.

“I didn’t dip!”

“Luuuuke,” Franklin completely ignored April in favor of smacking Luke on the back. “I brought the wedge from the eagle you shot at the state semi-finals. I jumped in and got it out of the lake you threw it in, man!”

“No way,” Luke said, eyes wide. “I can’t believe you retrieved Billy Club. Where is it?”

“Back at the table, c’mon.”

Sterling and April watched them walk away before April said, “Sorry about that.”

“You knew I was on the reunion committee,” Sterling said. “You knew I’d be here.”

“Yes...and?”

“You knew I’d be at Sarah’s wedding reception and you still went.”

“She’s my cousin,” April said. “I was invited.”

“I just don’t understand why you keep doing this?”

“Why I keep doing what?”

It was then that April caught a motion out of the corner of her eye that drew her attention. Luke’s backswing smashed into the leg of the foldout table, knocking it clear across the dance floor. The table collapsed and the big orange spouted Gatorade cooler that they borrowed from the pickleball team slowly scooted off into the floor, dumping gallons of grape kool-aid onto the floor.

“Doink,” Luke groaned. “I’m sorry. Too much wrist action.”

“I’ll go get a mop,” Sterling called out as she turned on her heel, leaving April where she stood.

“Sterling!” April shouted after her, then reluctantly followed suit. “We were conversing.”

“People are going to drown.” Sterling picked up her pace as walked out of the gym and around the corner to the nearest janitor’s closet.

“The worst that will happen is some wet loafers,” April dismissed it, hot on her trail. “I’m sure they’ll survive.”

“People can drown in a teaspoon of kool-aid, April.”

“Are they snorting it off the floor?”

“Oh my god, why are you following me?” Sterling asked as she kicked the doorstop away from the supply closet door.

“We have a history, Sterling,” April needlessly pointed out, letting the door click shut. “We share a hometown and friends and high school reunions. We’re going to cross paths.”

“Yeah...okay...” Sterling said as she grabbed the large rolling bucket and dropped a mop in. “Accidentally, sure, but you’re making me see you.”

“I’m making you?”

“You’re doing this on purpose,” Sterling said, maneuvering the bucket around her. She pulled at the door knob.

It didn’t open.

“No,” Sterling said, twisting harder. “No, no, no,” she squealed. She kicked at the door. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What?”

“The door is locked.”

April leaned around her and pulled on the knob herself. “That’s locked.”

“Oh really?” Sterling said, feigning shock. She forcefully rolled the bucket into the wall, making water splash onto the floor. “Fuck!”

April wiggled the knob a few more times to no avail. “It’s fine, I’ll call Ezequiel,” she said as she patted her pockets and realized she didn’t have her phone. “Oh, well, nevermind.”

“I have mine,” Sterling said as she pulled it out of her pocket and her thumbs started flying.

“Have a locksmith on speed dial?”

“I’m texting Blair,” Sterling said. “She was going to be late, but she should be on her way.”

“Blair to the rescue,” April said sarcastically.

“I’m sure she’d be fine leaving you in here,” Sterling shot back.

April accepted that because it was absolutely true. She leaned against the door and looked around the room. One memory stood out clearly. “We made out in here once.”

“We made out in every supply closet on campus,” Sterling replied as she took a seat on some stacked boxes of window cleaner. “This one ain’t special.”

April smiled at that. “Oh, I don’t know. I seem to remember a good time being had by both of us.”

Sterling ignored the statement.

“So, no Malia?” April asked, feigning nonchalance, albeit terribly.

“No,” Sterling answered tersely.

“Hm.” April fiddled with a box of industrial sized toilet paper rolls. “Too busy to make the trip this time?”

“I don’t know,” Sterling said with a shrug. “I didn’t invite her.”

That caused a little stir in April’s heart. “Didn’t want to show off your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my gir-” Sterling huffed and then blew out a frustrated breath. “No, I didn’t. We’re not together.”

“No?”

“I never said we were together.”

“Seemed pretty serious.”

“Well, it wasn’t,” Sterling responded.

April chuckled. “She was meeting your parents, Sterl.”

“Yes,” Sterling said. “Because she came to Atlanta as my plus one and I was having dinner with my family while I was home. Not in the traditional meeting-my-girlfriend way.”

“Did she know that?” April asked.

“Why the fuck does it matter?” Sterling demanded, obviously over the line of questioning.

“I just found it odd,” April mentioned. “She didn’t even know about me.”

“No, she didn’t know about you,” Sterling verified.

“Why not?”

“Oh, I don’t know, April. How do you tell someone you’re potentially dating about the person you should be married to if only they’d said yes?” Sterling asked, looking her right in the eye for the first time all night. “How? You tell me because I haven’t figured it out yet. Not without spiraling. So, no, I didn’t do the whole Sterling and April tragic ass play-by-play. I didn’t tell her about you and how much I loved you and how much you broke me because it doesn’t exactly scream available and fun and up for a great time.” She slumped at the end of the rant, completely defeated.

April swallowed hard. “Sterl...”

“No.” Sterling held up a finger. “Don’t.”

“Sterling,” April tried again as she sat beside her. “Let me expl-”

“I’m not dating Malia because I can’t date anybody,” Sterling revealed. “I’m still in shock. I still can’t believe you didn’t want the life we could have had.”

“I never said that,” April countered.

“But you did,” Sterling said, voice cracking. “You did and now you can’t undo it.”

“I’m not trying to undo it, Sterl. I’m trying to...I don’t know...” April ran a hand through her hair and sighed. “I miss you. And I’m not quite sure how to not miss you anymore. You were my best friend and I just want to call you and tell you about the funny thing that happened or-”

“You can’t do that.”

“Exactly,” April said. “I hate that I can’t do that anymore.”

“No.” Sterling clarified, “You can’t tell me you miss me or that you want me in your life. You can’t do that-”

“But I do-”

Sterling groaned at her and shook her head. “Fuck you, April,” she said quietly. “Fuck you for showing up and fuck your puppy dog eyes and fuck your best friends bullshit. You told me I was the one. You said you were in love with me a thousand times. You said this was it for you and then you left me hanging in the most mortifying and humiliating way possible. So, just stop.”

“I know, I know,” April stated. “I just want to talk to you.”

“No,” Sterling refused. “I’m tired of rehashing it because I’ve done nothing but rehash it for over a year. All the pieces of us are just as jagged and missing as they were that day. I’m tired of trying to force the puzzle together.”

“Sterling, c’mon,” April huffed. “Do you think I’ve enjoyed this? Knowing everything I know now? Knowing how much I hurt you? What I did to myself? If I could go back and do that moment over…Sterling, I would say yes a million times.”

Sterling stood up, needing the distance. She shook her head vehemently. “See, that’s the difference, April. If we could go back, I would’ve never asked. I don’t want any of it anymore.”

“You don’t mean that,” April countered. “I wouldn’t trade anything for the years we had together. We were so happy.”

“Yeah, I thought so, too,” Sterling said. “But now. Now, it just feels like wasted time. Everything is tainted with this unbearable sadness and confusion. What went wrong?”

“Sterling?” They heard Blair shouting from the hallway. “Sterling?”

“Blair!” Sterling pounded on the door. “Hey, I’m in here!”

“How did you get stuck in there?” Blair asked as she jiggled the door handle. “It locks when you shut it.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Sterling retorted. “Just get me out.”

“How is she supposed to get us out?” April asked.

“She has skills,” Sterling told her. “She can do it.”

“Who is that?” Blair asked.

“Nobody,” Sterling said.

“Excuse you,” April said, affronted.

“Stevens?” Blair asked.

“Yes, it’s me.” She said as she heard a light grinding from within the door knob.

“Fuck, Sterl,” Blair said with a huff. “Are you serious?”

“It’s not on purpose,” Sterling replied. “We didn’t mean to get locked in here.”

“Obviously not,” Blair said. “Who would purposely get locked up with Stevens?”

“Shut up, Blair!” April exclaimed, slapping open handed against the door.

“Just get your grimy hands off my sister,” Blair threatened. “Sterling, resist her advances!”

“I’m not advancing on your sister.”

There was a click and a pop and then the door screeched open. “Better not be,” Blair said as she placed a bobby pin in her hair.

“Thank you,” Sterling said as she walked through the door without so much as a “fuck off” to April. “I have to go check on things.”

“Okay,” Blair said. “See ya out there.” She slid over in front of April before she could pass. “Where ya going?”

“After her,” April said, pointing after Sterling.

“Don’t do that,” Blair advised.

April let out a frustrated breath, “Blair, I need to talk to her. We need to settle this.”

“No, you don’t,” Blair challenged, not budging.

“Listen, I know tha-”

“No, you don’t,” Blair snapped. “You don’t know. You don’t know how devastated she was. You don't know that she cried for weeks. You weren’t there. I was. You have no idea what you did-”

“I know exactly what I did, Blair,” April argued. “I know.”

“Leave her alone,” Blair said, almost as if she was asking a favor. “Please, Stevens. She’s trying so hard to get over you. Please, don’t follow her. Don’t make it harder for either of you.”

April took a step back. She met Blair’s eyes and didn’t see anger or the disdain she was always on the receiving end of in high school. She saw a woman pleading for someone she loved. She saw a sister advocating for her sister. “Okay,” she said. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Blair said sincerely. She ran her fingers through her dark hair and checked the hallway. “Officially, on the record, I hate you. But, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I know you loved her,” Blair replied. “From the look on your face, you still do.”

It wasn’t new information. The fact that it had been verbalized did rattle her, though. She knew she was still as in love with Sterling as she had been on the night of the proposal. As in love as their first night in their apartment. As in love as the day they vowed to go to UGA together. As in love as their first summer together when all they cared about in the world was finding empty rooms and not missing any texts and dreaded family vacations that would last a whole week. As in love as she’d been in seventh grade glancing across chemistry class when Sterling would inexplicably nail the right answer. That feeling had never changed. Even now. She had never fallen out of love with Sterling Wesley.

She had tried. She was trying. And, Sterling was trying, too. So maybe it was time.

April walked back into the gym, solely focused on getting back to her table. She was glad that Hannah and Ezequiel weren’t there because she really didn’t feel like explaining. She grabbed her jacket, pulled it back on and left everything else behind.

Chapter Text

April felt the beginnings of a headache in her temple. She squinted one eye as she thought of all the pros of taking the elevator up to her third story apartment. The weight of her backpack, for one. Also, while her chosen footwear was appropriate for court observations, they were hell on her feet. Usually, she’d have a pair of sneakers in her bag, but she was in a rush when she left her place. She punched the button for the elevator car and prayed that she’d be able to find something to eat and some aspirin before crashing.

She had just crossed the threshold to her place when her phone rang. She groaned at the name that popped up and briefly considered just ignoring it. She’d call her mom back in the morning when her head didn’t hurt, her feet weren’t throbbing, and she’d had enough sleep not to be agitated by any insinuation she might make about April’s life.

The call was no doubt about Thanksgiving plans in a couple of weeks. Not like April would be attending, but her mother still extended every invitation. She’d tried to call a couple hours before as well, but April had been too tied up to answer then. She decided to just bite the bullet. Get the call over with. She wouldn’t have to dread it tomorrow.

“Hello,” April answered, shifting her phone to her other ear as she toed off her shoes at her apartment door and dropped her backpack.

“April,” her mother’s voice came through the speaker, an odd lilt at the end of her name.

“Hi, Mom,” she greeted as she shuffled over to her fridge and opened it up.

“Are you at home?”

“Just walked in the door,” she answered, moving take out containers and trying to guess the most recent. She grabbed a two-day-old box of Chinese and grinned at the discovery. “About to eat and get some sleep.”

Her mother took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “Your father died this afternoon.”

April stopped and straightened, trying to compute what she had been told. “What?”

“John passed away just after three o’clock.”

April checked the clock on the stove. It was 7:28. Her father had been dead for hours and she didn’t even know it.

“April?”

“Yes,” she responded. “I’m here, yes.”

“He suffered a massive heart attack after a client meeting,” her mother continued. “He was at the office. They transported him to the hospital, but he didn’t make it.”

April collapsed onto a barstool in her tiny kitchen. She checked the clock again. 7:29. A minute had gone by in her life without a father. It was unfathomable.

She heard a sniffle and then a sob from the other end of the line. “He’s gone, honey.”

“Hm,” was the only vocalization she seemed to be able to make. She examined the carton in her hand stamped with a dragon holding chopsticks like swords. The Grand Dragon in a gothic font outlined in red. She double guessed herself. It might have been three days since she’d had it delivered. Three days ago, she had a father.

Her mother kept saying words, but she didn’t really process many of them. Burial site, tombstone, flower arrangements, contacting their pastor. She knew she needed to help with those things. She needed to support her mother. She had calls to make. She looked at the framed photo of her family sitting on her mantle. It was next to a clock. 7:30.

The next time she registered 7:30, she was winding down John’s viewing two days later. She’d checked her watch to see how much longer she’d have to stand there and listen to old white dudes wax poetic about how great a guy her father had been. She knew it was bullshit and so did they. She had a fleeting thought that if she had to hear it one more time, she might just jump in the box with him.

But, she wouldn’t. She’d stand here as the representative of her family. The celebrated daughter. The stoic one. And April remained stoic right up until she saw a familiar blonde head in the crowd. As soon as she saw Sterling’s face, the emotions started to bubble in her chest. She wasn’t prepared for Sterling. She was prepared for grief and a continuous line of practical strangers recalling memories of her father. She was prepared for her mother’s slow descent in despondency. She expected the whispers of all John’s misdeeds. But, Sterling. No. She hadn’t banked the emotional reserves for the arrival of Sterling Wesley.

Sterling greeted her mother with a kindness that April wasn’t sure she deserved considering all the unkind things that she had said about Sterling over the years. Sterling had hugged her, patted her hand and offered her condolences. April readied herself for the same treatment, but Sterling turned to her, nodded and then made her way to a pew near the back of the church.

April made it through two more cringeworthy interactions before she excused herself and walked to where Sterling sat alone. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Sterling said, lips turned down.

“You came?”

“Of course, I came,” Sterling said. “Your father died, April. Of course, I did.”

April rounded the pew and took a seat and Sterling immediately reached for her hand. “This might be a stupid question, but how are you?”

April thought about it for a moment. “Overwhelmed.”

Sterling squeezed her hand between both of hers. “Can I help?”

“You’re here,” April told her. “That’s more than I could ever ask of you.”

“I’m so sorry, April,” Sterling said. “I know you had a difficult relationship at times, but I’m so sorry.”

April offered half a smile, “Don’t be sorry. You hated the guy for good reason.”

“But you loved him,” Sterling said gently. “And you’ll mourn him and I’ll mourn that for you.”

April looked at her in awe for a moment and then laughed humorlessly. “What are you doing here?”

“I can go,” Sterling answered, seemingly panicking for a split second.

“No!” April said quickly. “Please, don’t. I just mean, uh...thank you. Thank you for coming.”

“I couldn’t imagine not coming,” Sterling disclosed. “I know how complicated your feelings were for him. Figured you could use somebody that understood that.”

“Sterling Wesley, still trying to qualify for sainthood.”

Sterling rolled her eyes. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

April laced her fingers through Sterling’s. “You know what he told me after, ya know, after...he told me that I’d really dodged a bullet with you,” April recalled. “That I could do better. That he was proud of me for making the hard decision.”

Sterling nodded. “Sounds just like him.”

“And I knew then,” April faltered. “He had absolutely no idea who I was or what I needed. I had just blown up my life and my future and my relationship and I was so lost. I was floundering. I was a mess. But, that was the version of me that he found pride in.”

“April...I didn’t come to dredge up all of th-”

“I never spoke to him again after that,” April said softly. “Two and a half years.”

Sterling sighed. “I didn’t know that.”

“Of course, not,” April said. “I let him put you through the wringer so many times and then I cut him off when I let you go. So very me, huh?”

“Sounds pretty brave actually.”

April shook her head. “You didn’t have to come.”

“I know,” Sterling responded. “But, my parents called yesterday and they wanted to ask me if it was alright that they came to the funeral. I thought it might be better if I came tonight. I didn’t want you to be caught off guard by them. They can be...”

“Parental?”

“Yes,” Sterling said. “Intensely.”

“April,” April’s Aunt Jenny called as she approached.

April let out a sharp breath, steeled herself and stood. “Yes ma’am?”

Aunt Jenny drew her in for a tight hug. “He was so proud of you,” she said of her younger brother. “Always talking about how successful you’d be. How determined. How you were the next great generation of Stevens Law. So busy excelling you couldn’t even spare time for family gatherings, young lady-”

Sterling stood from her seat and touched Jenny’s arm to distract her. “Jenny, how is Sarah? The baby?”

Jenny beamed at the mention of her own daughter and grandson. “Oh, she and Dev would have been here, but Baby Trey has been colicky and the both of them have not had a minute’s rest.”

“Oh, tell me more about that,” Sterling said before gesturing for April to save herself.

April made a move to do just that, but couldn’t quite walk away. She told Aunt Jenny, “I have to go talk with the funeral director.”

“Of course,” Aunt Jenny said.

April turned her attention to Sterling and tried not to sound as desperate as she felt when she asked, “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Sterling said in the affirmative, pulling Jenny into the seat next to her. “I’ll be here.”

“I’m so glad you two could set aside that unfortunate proposal incident,” April heard Jenny say as she walked away. Sterling might indeed be a fucking saint for saving her from that conversation.

April was sure the service could be described as beautiful the following day. Probably would be by the detached attendees that dropped meaningless condolences and shook her hand with too tight a grip. She’d somberly thanked everyone for coming on behalf of herself and her mother. Her mother, who had barely said a word in days, disappeared halfway through the church sponsored meal.

She was glancing around the room trying to locate her when she locked eyes with Deb.

“I saw her slip out about fifteen minutes ago,” Deb answered the question that must have been written all over her face.

“Oh,” April said. “She didn’t mention she was leaving.”

Deb reached out for her hand and squeezed, probably not knowing what to say.

A hand gently clamped over her shoulder, “How ya doing, kiddo?” Anderson asked.

“I’m fine, sir,” she answered.

He awkwardly patted her a couple of times, his face contorted with sympathy. “I’m sorry about John,” he said.

“Thank you.”

“You have everything you need?” Deb asked her, still gripping April’s hand.

“Yes.”

“School going okay?” Anderson inquired. “You’re still here at Emory?”

“Yes, I am,” April responded. “It’s going well. Third year.”

“Still in the joint degree program?”

She nodded. “You were right. That was definitely the right move.”

Anderson gave her a pleased smile. “I just toldja you could do it.”

She thought about the five years that she was considered one of the Wesley girls. Lumped in with Sterling and Blair as Andy and Deb’s daughters. She had her own stocking on the fireplace. Deb made her favorite cookies for family events. She got a vote on what to name the new puppy when Chloe got a friend. She was one of them and she missed that painfully.

“I appreciate that,” she said finally.

“Oh, looks like they just put out the pecan pie,” Anderson announced. “I’m going to grab a slice. You gals want?”

“No, thank you,” April said.

“I’ll meet you back at the table,” Deb answered. “Get me a sliver, will ya?”

“Will do,” Anderson said as he slipped into the crowd.

Deb waited a moment until she said, “Blair would probably say I’m infringing on your personal boundaries and possibly triggering past trauma unnecessarily, but you know you can always come by the house, right?”

April glanced up at her, wanting to gauge the truthfulness of her statement. “I didn’t know if that would be appropriate considering...”

“Yeah, well,” Deb shrugged. “You broke my daughter’s heart. Made her move all the way to Kentucky and then ghosted us completely. So, yeah, Andy and I were a little miffed at you for a while, but it’s been nearly three years, honey.”

April felt the heat rise in her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Deb.”

“But,” Deb continued, “nobody understands how easily things can get screwed up and out of our control better than me. Even when we have good intentions and are, maybe, a bit too shortsighted to see how our actions can hurt the people we love. Sometimes the effects are far-reaching, ya know?”

April brushed a tear off of her face. “Yes, ma’am, I know all about it.”

“Despite what happened with the two of you, we know that she may not still be our lives if it wasn’t for you, April,” Deb confessed. “Come by for dinner sometime, hm?”

“I will,” she promised.

“Sterl had to step out to take a call,” Deb informed her, finally releasing her hand. “You might be able to catch her outside.”

April smiled, nodded at the hint.

April found her exactly where Deb said she would. She was sitting on the hood of a car, likely her rental, foot tapping anxiously on the ground.

“Their KPIs were always trash, Dave. I told you from the beginning I thought they were too optimistic,” Sterling was saying into the phone. She saw April, smiled and held up a finger. “I’m not pitching it to Elliott, I just got on the A Team. That’s a Fletcher campaign. Call him, I’m taking a couple of personal days.” Sterling slid off the car. “Personal days, Dave. It’s personal, that’s the whole point.” She rolled her eyes dramatically for April’s benefit. “You can survive another 36 hours without me. Bye.”

“Hey,” April said, sorry to interrupt.

“No, thank you for interrupting, actually,” Sterling replied, slipping her phone into her coat pocket.

“Big important marketing executive.”

“Very unserious marketing imposter,” Sterling contended, “that apparently has a knack for penetration strategies.”

“Well, I could have told you that a long time ago,” April quipped.

Sterling laughed. “Touche.”

“Are you flying out tonight?” April asked.

“Tomorrow morning,” Sterling said. “Blair begged me to stick around for dinner tonight. Says her Sterling meter is sitting on empty.”

“A real tragedy.”

“Isn’t it, though,” Sterling responded.

“I get it,” April said, seriously. “I’m also sitting on empty.”

Tears prickled at her eyes at the thought. She was exhausted. She’d barely slept in weeks and that was before. She couldn’t help but feel guilty about feeling guilty about the work at the firm she was missing by taking three days off. She felt alone and sad and just empty.

“Hey, hey,” Sterling lunged forward and enveloped her in a hug. April clung to her. It had been so long since she’d been held by Sterling and she melted into the embrace. They stood there for a while before Sterling asked, “Sit with me?”

Sterling led her to the church steps and planted them both on the cool concrete. She didn’t let go, though. They sat beside each other letting the silence fill in all the spaces long after most of the people had milled out. April snuggled in closer, basking in Sterling’s warmth. Sterling’s arms circled tighter and she felt lips brush over her forehead. And for the first time in what felt like forever, she felt safe and loved and content to be in the space she was in.

“Come over,” she suggested quietly.

“Hm?”

“Stay with me,” April suggested.

“Blair is expecting me.”

“So, call her and tell her not to expect you,” April replied. “And then come over and you can see how uninspired my decor is.”

“I already know how uninspired your decor is,” Sterling said with a laugh. “I don’t need to see it.”

“Then ignore my decor when you come over.”

“No,” Sterling answered resolutely. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

Sterling sighed deeply. “April, it’s not a good idea.”

April pulled back enough to see Sterling’s face. “It’s a great idea and you know it.”

Sterling hesitated before admitting, “I’m seeing someone.”

April studied her closely. “But you still want to.”

“Even if I did, you’re way too emotionally vulnerable to be clear headed about that.”

“Us?”

“Sex.”

April scoffed, “I asked for you to come over, not sleep with me.”

“Oh, okay then,” Sterling agreed. “If it’s just a sleepover.”

“Really?”

“No,” Sterling responded. “Not a chance.”

“Fine,” April relented. She snuggled back into Sterling. “You’re seeing someone.”

“I am.”

She waited a moment and then asked with false bravado, “Is that all I’m going to get? Deets, woman.”

“His name is Jase,” Sterling answered reluctantly. “He works in healthcare. He’s cute. Sweet. Really good mini golfer. We only have dates at Vietnamese restaurants.”

“New fetish of yours?”

“On a quest to find the best one in town,” Sterling explained. “It started as a joke when we first started messaging each other a few months ago…and this is weird. It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“It’s fine,” April said, brushing it off. “He sounds nice.”

“He is nice,” Sterling said.

“You deserve that,” April divulged. “Someone nice.”

“I don’t know,” Sterling said. “Luke was nice. Malia was nice. Lila, Sam, Katie...Juan Carlos was very nice. Too nice.”

April cleared her throat. “Okay, okay. You have a type. We see the pattern.”

“I do,” Sterling admitted with a sigh. “But therein lies the problem. It’s really not nice.”

April’s eyes cut to catch Sterling’s. She leaned in closer, opening her mouth to entice Sterling to come home with her one more time when she was interrupted by the melody of Sterling’s ringtone. Sterling dug her phone out of her pocket and flashed the screen at her.

Blair.

Of course.

When she clicked off the call, she smiled at April, “You’re more than welcome to go to dinner with us?”

“Blair would hate me forever if I encroached on her Sterling time.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” April insisted. “I’m going to go check on my mom. She had some things she needed to sort though. I should probably help.”

“Okay,” Sterling accepted. She stood and hugged April one more time. They lingered in the hug for a blissful moment. “Take care of yourself, April,” she said.

She watched Sterling leave before driving home to cry alone.

Chapter Text

April knocked a second time on the large wooden door still trying to balance the oversized box wrapped in dinosaur paper. She tightened her grip and waited several moments before knocking again. Still no answer. Maybe she could just leave it on the steps? Surely, they’d find it eventually. It’s not like she actually cared. If her mom asked, she could say she delivered the gift. Not like anybody needed to sign for it or anything. No need for details. She looked down the tree lined drive and carefully parked cars in disbelief that not one of the party goers could answer the door. She knocked one last time and had just decided to drop it and run when Aunt Jenny materialized from behind a bush.

“April!” she exclaimed. “Oh my goodness. What are you doing out here? The party is in the backyard.”

April, clutching her chest in surprise at seeing Jenny, stuttered in response, “Uh, h-hey. Just dropping this off,” she said, presenting the gift. “It’s from Mom.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Jenny said. “Bring it in! I’m sure Trey will love it.”

“I’m just dropping it by,” April replied, trying to hand it off. “I don’t want to intrude on the party or anything. Mom really wasn’t up to it and I’m pretty close to Buckhead.”

“Nonsense,” Jenny dismissed that. “You’re family. No intrusion at all.”

“Thank you,” April said, trying to sound sincere. “But I have...plans, so I have to get going.”

Jenny opened the door and crossed the threshold, leaving April standing with the box. She huffed, but followed. “The gift table is this way,” Jenny called over her shoulder as she disappeared around a corner.

She set the box down on a long table in the dining room with what looked like literally a hundred other gifts, double checking that the card was still attached to the ribbon. Not that a one year old gave a flying fuck about the card or anything. She had every intention of ducking out when a familiar voice graced her ears.

“I definitely wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

April slowly turned to find a bikini-clad Sterling Wesley casually resting against the wall. “Oh,” she blurted, forcing her eyes up. She pushed her sunglasses up to rest on the top of her head and offered a quick quirk of her lips. “Hey. Hello.”

“Sarah didn’t mention you’d be coming,” Sterling told her. “She normally warns me when it comes to you.” She winced at herself afterward. “That sounded bad. It’s not that bad. It’s more of a heads up, not a warning.”

April shrugged. “I was just dropping off the kid’s gift for my mother. I’m actually on my way out, so...” She attempted to pass Sterling and brushed her lightly.

“Oh,” Sterling said, frowning. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you couldn’t be here.”

“No offense taken,” April insisted. “I really was not planning on staying.”

“You can totally stay.”

“Thank you,” April said, trying to remember how she came in. “But, I’m not.”

Sterling caught her arm just long enough to make her pause. “Don’t leave just because I’m here.”

“I’m not!” April responded with a laugh. “It’s just not really my scene.”

“You don’t frequent kids’ birthdays?” Sterling inquired, a smirk working its way on her face. “Shocking.”

“Do you?” April asked. “Wouldn’t have expected you to come all the way home for a toddler’s birthday party. Don’t remember this level of kid-friendly.”

“No,” Sterling said. “I was home for Luke’s wedding yesterday. This was just a bonus.”

“Creswell?” April was surprised. “Did he get married to a cardboard cutout of you?”

“No, he didn’t.” Sterling rolled her eyes. She waited a beat before adding, “He couldn’t get the rights to my likeness.”

April chuckled. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried.”

“I’m obviously kidding,” Sterling clarified. “He got married to a lovely girl from Mississippi that he met a Church Singles mixer. She plays the keyboards to his guitar. They sang a duet that I’d rather forget.”

“Good for him,” April said. “Well, about the marriage, not about the awful singing. Because I remember that particular wail and it was not pleasing.”

“He seems very happy nonetheless,” Sterling said. She shifted, glanced around. Her voice came out the slightest bit nervous when she said, “You should stay.”

“I wasn’t invited.”

“So!” Sterling said. “There’s a bouncy house.”

“Sounds like a reason I should go,” April said. “Last time I was in a bouncy house, Blair tried to suffocate me in the ball pit.”

“Blair was a mean little kid.”

“That happened in college, Sterl.”

“Well, Blair’s also a mean adult sometimes.”

“I appreciate the off-”

“Stay!” Sterling said, grabbing April’s elbow and leading her outside through the patio doors which ended her rebuttal. “I’m out of my element with the mom squad, you’re saving me. Please, stay.”

“For a few minut-damn!” April said when she saw the setup. There was not a bouncy house, but several bouncy houses. Half a dozen of them. In addition to: a ginormous slip ‘n’ slide that rolled out down a hill, a pool filled with several different animal rafts, and a projector screen playing Toy Story. An ice cream truck was blaring its jingle on the far corner of the grounds while a scoreboard lit up with the score of what looked like a wiffle ball game. To her left, there were themed cabanas for guests to cool off and play. “If this is 1, I can’t imagine what 16 will look like.”

“I know, right?” Sterling said under her breath. She gestured to the makeshift bar. “I’m gonna grab some refreshments.”

“Oh, okay,” April said as she made her way over into the Lego cabana areas and had a seat on a vacant lounger and tapped her shades back down. To her left was a lego table with a Lego Creator set of what looked like their actual house. She leaned in to get a better look. Sure, enough. “Wow,” she said to herself.

In no time at all, Sterling came back holding two Capri Sun pouches. “Apparently, Trey also picked the menu,” she said. “I got you a Strawberry Kiwi.”

April smiled, “Aw, you remembered my drink.”

Sterling grinned wide, pleased with herself. “Of course.”

“Thank you,” April said. She poked her straw through the foil packet and sucked as she watched Sterling do the same with her Pacific Cooler. “Not just for this. Also, for being there last November...when John...I’m so grateful that you took the time.”

Sterling nodded as she took up residence in the lounger next to April. “Of course.”

“You didn’t have to,” April said. “Certainly aren’t obligated to do those things anymore. Not that you ever were obligated,” she rushed to clarify.

Sterling took another sip. She seemed like she was considering what to say. “I don’t want to compare the situations or anything. But...” she let out a breath, “there was a time that my life was falling apart and you were there. And steady. You didn’t have to be. We weren’t in the best place at the beginning of all that. But you cared and made sure I knew it. Gave me much needed perspective about my parents. Made me feel better when I didn’t want to feel anything.”

“Well, that was easy, I was in love with you,” April said before she could stop herself.

She turned to see if Sterling had heard her. Of course, she had. Sterling’s knowing gaze held hers for a moment. They had developed a communication all their own while they were together. Looks, glances, gazes. April could tell how Sterling arched her eyebrow if she was pissed or tired, had just farted under the covers, or wanted to fuck. The two of them had built their own intimate language and it was the first time in years that she felt their connection again.

“Yeah,” Sterling acknowledged, breaking eye contact. “Returning the favor and all.”

April ran the phrase over in her mind several times, wondering what it meant. Finally she admitted, “I just wanted you to know that it meant so much to me.”

“You’re welcome, April.”

“Which is why...” April took a gulp and confessed, “I’m a little mortified about…well, propositioning you… kind of, a little bit.”

Sterling spit out her juice in the midst of a laugh. “Oh, is that why you never texted me back when I tried to check on you over Thanksgiving?”

April looked ashamed. “I was embarrassed at my ill behavior.”

“Don’t be,” Sterling said. “It wasn’t a bad offer.” Sterling had the nerve to look coy. “Just bad timing.”

April studied her for a moment. “Hm.”

Sterling must have felt her eyes because Sterling discarded her drink and popped out of her chair. She adjusted her boobs in her swim top after picking out her bottoms wedgie and stretched luxuriously before glancing back at April.

April stared at her. “It’s a child’s birthday party. Have you no shame?”

“It’s not my child, so no,” Sterling shrugged it off.

April couldn’t help but think it was a show for her benefit, but then she remembered their last conversation and just had to ask, “What happened to Jake?”

“Who?” Sterling asked, genuinely confused by the question.

“Jake. Likes Vietnamese and putt-putt?”

“Do you mean Jase?”

“Whatever,” April said, unimpressed. “What happened to what’s-his-name?”

“We broke up months ago,” Sterling responded unenthusiastically. “Ran out of Vietnamese restaurants to try and then it just fizzled out.”

“So my plan to report them all to the health board worked?” April said with a straight face.

Sterling offered a grin, “That and our feelings were deeper for bun cha than each other.”

“Sorry,” April told her.

“No, you’re not,” Sterling fired back. She pointed to the outstretched slip ‘n’ slide across the yard. “You’re welcome to come with me to outslide all those preschoolers over there.”

“Oh, no,” April declined. “No chance in hell, but I’ll happily watch you try.”

“Suit yourself.”

April did suit herself. Then she watched Sterling traverse the twenty or so yards to the slip ‘n’ slide. And April enjoyed every bit of watching Sterling’s suit as she went. Sterling always did have a nice body, but she’d added a bit more muscle to her frame after they’d broken up. There was definitely more definition in her arms. Those legs, though. Always with those legs. They had a lasting effect.

She was lost in daydreams when she registered Sterling getting a running start at the slide. She flailed down onto her belly, a giddy smile stretched over her face. She was picking up speed as she neared the large dip in the lawn. The air Sterling caught was impressive, April would admit. It was the way Sterling’s body contorted that was concerning. April stood and took a step forward toward Sterling before she even hit the ground. A solid thud reverberated through the yard. There was a moment of absolute silence before Sterling’s groan of pain.

“Sterl!” April called to her, picking up her pace. “You okay?”

Sterling didn’t move.

The lack of an answer made April break into a run. “Sterling!”

She made it over relatively quickly, hovering over Sterling’s face. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Sterling said through a wince. “I don’t think so.”

“You were fucking flying, dude!” Dev said as he reached the bottom of the hill.

“Sterling,” Sarah said as she too reached the scene. “What happened?”

“I slid and slipped and got slammed,” Sterling answered as she shifted and then howled in pain. “I think my arm is broken.”

“Fuck, Sterl,” April said as she gingerly checked out Sterling’s favored arm. “It’s already starting to swell.”

“Shit!” Dev screeched out and hurried to help Sterling off the lawn.

“No!” Sarah yelled to stop him. “We shouldn’t move the body.”

“The body?” Dev looked at her like a deer in headlights. “She’s not dead.”

“Okay, then. The victim?”

“I’m not a victim,” Sterling reminded them. “I’m just an idiot.”

April let Sterling use her as leverage as she lifted herself up. “Let’s get her inside and out of the heat. We’ll assess from there,” she said, already moving.

Sterling winced with every step, but did agree with a hissing, “Yeah.”

“We need to keep it elevated!” April said urgently as she guided Sterling through the sea of onlookers.

“Oh, oh!” Sarah disappeared once in the house and then she reappeared with a necktie featuring several dancing tacos. “Dev got this for his Cinco de Mayo fiesta. Please discard it at the hospital or in a fire.” She quickly tied it so that it held up Sterling’s arm while the rest of them watched in stunned silence. “What?” she said when she noticed. “I was in scouts.”

Sterling tried to laugh, but groaned with it jarred her arm.

“It may really be broken, Sterl,” April said in a worrisome tone.

“I’ll call an ambulance,” Dev reported.

“No! Absolutely not,” Sterling told him. “I’ll drive myself to the hospital.”

“You cannot drive yourself,” Sarah interjected. “I’ll take you.”

“It’s your kid’s birthday,” Sterling reminded her. “You’re not taking me.”

“You cannot drive, Sterling!”

“I’ll take her,” April finally said.

“No,” Sarah said immediately, looking at Sterling with wide eyes. “I can get someone-”

“I can drive her to Piedmont. It’s just a few minutes away,” April said to Sarah. “Call Blair to meet us over there.”

“I’m sure one of Dev’s friends can take you-”

“It’s fine,” Sterling assured her. “It’s fine. April can take me.”

“Are you sure?” Sarah asked her.

“She’s sure,” April huffed as she grabbed a throw pillow that probably cost a thousand bucks and led Sterling out the door. “We’ll be fine. I promise.”

April was weaving in and out of traffic on Peachtree a few minutes later. “You okay?” she asked Sterling, sparing her a quick glance.

Sterling balanced her arm on the pillow that April had practically stolen. “Still hurts.”

“I’m getting there as quickly as I can.”

“I know,” Sterling said through gritted teeth.

“Just a few more minutes.” April reached across her console and squeezed Sterling’s thigh, aiming for a comforting gesture, then jerked it back when Sterling flinched slightly. “Sorry, sorry.”

“No, no, it’s cool. Just unexpected,” Sterling said. She offered her open hand and waited for April to clasp it. “Thank you.”

“Sure,” April said. She looked at their joined hands resting on her own lap and could hardly believe it. She was transported to a previous life momentarily. She tracked from their hands up Sterling’s arm to her face. April’s heart ached at the sight of her eyes screwed shut in pain. “Sterl, we’re just a block away, honey.”

Sterling gripped April’s hand a little tighter. She held on until April needed it back to maneuver into a parking spot.

“Fuck, April,” Sterling said with grimace, lifting her arm off the pillow.

“I know, I know,” April said, shifting into Park hurriedly. “I’ll help you get out.”

“No,” Sterling gestured down her body with her uninjured arm. “Look at me!”

“I’ve been trying really hard not to,” April said honestly.

“I cannot walk in there like this,” Sterling cried out. “I’m practically naked!”

April’s eyes dropped to her chest because she’d been trained to do so when the concept of naked Sterling entered her brain. She recovered quickly. “You’re not…naked exactly.”

“April!”

“Okay, okay, okay,” April said, palms up in an attempt to settle Sterling. “Let me see what I have.”

“Please!”

April jumped out and ran to the back of her SUV, popping the hatch. She quickly assessed the smattering of items. “I have an extra blazer I keep for emergency court appearances,” she announced.

“Yes!” Sterling said. “Bring it to me.”

April grabbed her gym bag and unzipped it. “Gym shorts?”

Sterling’s nose scrunched, “Worn?”

“Beggars can’t be choosers, Sterling!” April said. “Would you rather go in there with your ass hanging out?”

“Fine.” Sterling acquiesced. “Help me put them on.”

April looked at her dumbly before realizing what she meant. She dropped to a knee, held them while Sterling stepped in, and then pulled the shorts up Sterling’s legs. “First time I’ve done that in reverse,” she said after they were snug around her hips.

Sterling stuffed one arm into April’s jacket and realized it was not worth it to maneuver out of the taco tie fashioned around her neck. “Put it around my shoulder then,” she instructed.

“Here.” April kicked off her flip-flops and slid on her extra sneakers. “Better than barefoot.”

Sterling’s heels hung off the back, but she was grateful anyway. “Thanks.”

April tried not to smile at Sterling. She looked ridiculous. April’s blazer was much too short and her mascara had created two faint black lines down her face. Her hair still had suds from the soap that Dev had used to slick up the slip ‘n’ slide. But, she was still Sterling. She still made April’s breath catch sometimes.

“Do not laugh!”

April couldn’t quite keep the laugh from bubbling up. “I’m not!”

“You are,” Sterling said, also smiling. “Help me!”

“Oh, oh, yeah,” April said as she jumped back into action and supported Sterling as she shuffled in the Emergency Room entrance.

They didn’t wait nearly as long as April feared they might. Sterling had already been examined and was wheeled off to be x-rayed before Blair arrived in the waiting room.

“I can’t believe you let her slip ‘n’ slide,” Blair said in greeting as she plopped down in the chair beside her. “Did you remind her she’s not ten?”

“I have no control over your sister,” April responded. “I couldn’t have talked her out of it if I had tried. Which I didn’t.”

“It reminds me of the time she decided to cliff dive to impress you,” Blair said. “Fucked up her ankle.”

“Huh?” April said in surprise, trying to remember that event.

“Yeah, after our freshman year of college,” Blair reminded her. “Dad dragged us all out to Arizona to visit some old ass relatives that were about to kick it.”

April racked her brain. “When?”

“Like, freshman year,” Blair replied. “I think it was...” she trailed off trying to recall.

“No, no,” April countered. “It was Utah. He was there for some work conference and took us along. We were sophomores and Sterling didn’t even go off the cliff. She tripped on a rock heading toward the edge and sprained her ankle.”

“Oh, yeah,” Blair laughed. “And then made you carry her around piggyback for the rest of the trip.”

“That part did happen,” April joined in the laughter. “Even though her ankle was totally dragging the ground most of the time.”

Their combined chuckling stopped when a nurse stepped into the hallway and called out, “Wesley?”

Both April and Blair stood immediately.

“Sterling is resting in a room. She’s been given some medication to help with the pain and swelling. We’re waiting on a radiologist to read the x-ray so we can confirm the diagnosis and determine a treatment plan,” the nurse said quickly. “Would you like to go back and see her now?”

“Yes,” Blair said before tacking on. “I’m her sister.” She threw a thumb over her shoulder to April. “That’s the wife.”

“Room 172,” the nurse told April with a smile. “Don’t worry your wife will be just fine.”

“Oh, she’s not re-“

“Thanks!” Blair said, pulling April with her beyond the double swinging doors. “C’mon, in-law.”

April waited until the doors are swung shut and they were a safe distance away before she mouthed, “The fuck?”

“I didn’t know if this was one of those situations in which they’d only let family in.”

“I think that’s for comas,” April said. “Not broken arms.”

“Take no chances,” Blair announced as she knocked on Room 172. She entered before she heard any response. “Sterl?”

“I’m here,” they heard a groggy return.

“Hey, I just told the nurse that Stevens was your wife to get her back here,” Blair said to Sterling. “So if you want to hit on hot docs later, you’ll have some explaining to do.”

April cringed, waiting on Sterling’s reaction, but Sterling seemed entirely focused on her. “You’re still here?”

“Yes,” April answered nervously. “Is that okay?”

“Yes,” Sterling said. “I just figured once Blair got here…”

“I wanted to make sure a responsible adult would get you home,” April snarked.

“Ha ha,” Blair said as slid into the plastic chair beside Sterling’s bed.

April approached her on the opposite side. “How are you doing?” she asked softly.

“Much better,” Sterling said. “After the painkillers.”

“Good.”

April didn’t get to say much more before a guy barely older than them rushed into the room. “Ms. Wesley.”

Sterling straightened in her bed. “Yes?”

“Hello,” the doctor greeted her and acknowledged Blair and April with a handshake for them both. “I am Peter Balzac. I’m the ER doctor on call today and treated Sterling when she arrived.”

Blair smiled obnoxiously, “I”m so glad it was you, Dr. Peter Balzac.”

He looked at her suspiciously and then continued, “Sterling, the scans confirmed that you have a nondisplaced transverse fracture of your right ulna.”

“Tell her what she’s won, Balzac,” Blair joked after he gave her the diagnosis.

“No surgery needed at this point. I’m going to send you home with a splint and a sling. We’ll wait for the swelling to subside and then repeat the x-rays and apply a cast in a few days assuming everything still looks like it’s trending in the right direction.”

“Okay,” Sterling nodded.

“The nurse will be in to get you going with everything you need including a prescription for pain medication, care instructions, and info on the follow-up. Any questions for me?”

“Nothing I didn’t ask before,” Sterling said. “Thanks.”

“Alright, if you think of anything, call my office number,” he said, then added, “Decide on a color for your cast.”

Just as quickly as he came, he was gone.

“Quite the bedside manner on that Balzac,” Blair said. “But, yay, we can get you home.”

Sterling smiled. “Excellent news. I’m ready.”

“That is excellent news,” April agreed as she gently tapped Sterling’s shoulder. “I guess I’ll be on my way now that Blair is here.”

“Thank you for taking such good care of me today,” Sterling said sincerely.

“I just drove you here,” April said. “No big deal.”

“It was.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“It was a big deal to me,” Sterling said.

April nodded in understanding.

“So, thank you.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay.” April admitted, “You had me worried for a little while.”

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Sterling said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It wasn’t your fault-”

“Oh my god!” Blair finally interrupted. “Wrap it up already.”

April glared at her before addressing Sterling. “Enjoy getting spoiled by Andy and Deb for a week.”

“Oh shit,” Sterling groaned. “Mom will be in hog heaven that I’ll be home and immobile for a couple of days.”

“Let her help,” April said seriously.

Sterling thought it over. “Maybe I will.”

“Take care, Sterl,” April said before giving her hand one last squeeze.

“Hey April,” Sterling’s voice stopped her at the door.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe this time, answer a text, huh?”

April smiled and gave her a quick shrug. “Maybe I will.”

Chapter Text

April looked at the looping, swooping font of the letters on the sheet cake on the granite countertop. Congratulations Graduate staring back at her in dark gold swirls. The ceremony had been held a few days ago. She could hardly believe it. She was officially done. Graduated. She had been proud of herself. She should be. She had earned it. Afterward, though, she realized the sense of accomplishment had been fleeting. It was immediately onto the next challenge. There always seemed to be a next challenge. Another set of expectations. Another standard to meet.

Her mother passed behind her in silence, only pausing to pick some errant piece of fuzz off of April’s sweater. Always picking, perfecting.

“Mom, you didn’t have to do this,” April said for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few days. “I wish you wouldn’t have.”

“Your achievement should be met with some sort of acknowledgment.”

April nodded dutifully thinking that an “atta girl” would have sufficed. Instead, her mother had arranged for a tasteful graduation celebration. Her guest list had been John’s former colleagues, her own circle of friends, and her uppercrustiest relatives. None of which April gave a damn about celebrating with. But, she acquiesced to her mother’s wishes and was actively bracing herself for the onslaught of company that she’d have arriving in the next couple of hours. At its conclusion, she would buckle down and spend the next nine weeks studying for the bar exam in the solitude of the lake house.

The Lake House of Guilt, as her and Sterling often referred to it back in the day.

Her father had purchased the new lake house for her eighteenth birthday. She knew exactly what it was at the time. An attempt to buy his way back into her good graces. She also knew it was probably purchased with embezzled funds. But, despite her moral reservations, she also knew it would be an excellent spot to canoodle with her girlfriend all summer until they set off for Athens. So, she accepted the lavish gift and allowed him a controlling interest in her life.

Until she had finally had enough. And then he died. So she guessed that his heart had had enough of him, too.

She peered out the window onto Lake Lanier. The gentle waves rocked the boat tied to the wooden dock and she tried to remember the last time she was even on the water. It had been years at this point. It had stopped being fun around the same time she no longer had Sterling in her life. That was the same in many cases, but it was especially apparent here.

The lake house had been their escape, their safe place. It’s where they shared late night secrets and learned to live with each other. They’d grown up and into their relationship here. All the distractions and pressures would all fall away within these four walls and they could just exist in their bubble. Sometimes she longed for the bubble.

They had had a few text exchanges in the last few months. Sterling described it as “checking in” with each other. It hadn’t been much. Not necessarily conversations, but short and sweet updates. Sterling told April when she was about to binge a new Netflix series and shortly following a letter grade would pop up. April had updated Sterling about her graduating and her mother’s insistence on a gathering. It hadn’t been an invitation as much as a complaint, so April was surprised when she saw Sterling walk through the door later that evening as the party was in full swing.

“I can’t believe that you remembered how to get here,” April said in greeting when she approached Sterling with an extra glass of wine.

Sterling accepted the drink, a smile adorning her features. “I practically lived here for three summers. Of course, I remember how to get here...also navigation systems exist.”

April tapped their glasses together lightly. “Indeed, they do. In any event, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I only came because I need a lawyer,” Sterling said with faux seriousness after taking a drink of her wine.

“You’re early, I haven’t passed the Bar yet.”

“I didn’t say you,” Sterling gestured toward the room with a flick of her head. “Figured your mom put together a pretty good guestlist.”

“Good?” April scoffed. “If that’s your thing, I’m sure I can find you an old dude or two.”

“Old dudes,” Sterling gave her a thumbs up. “Absolutely.”

“Looks like you healed up nicely?” April said when she noticed Sterling’s hand.

“I did,” Sterling answered, proving her point by rolling her wrist several times and bending at the elbow. “Fully healed. Regained all of my previous dexterity and mobility. Like it never happened, except for the complete mortification. That’ll stick with me forever. But, other than that, ship shape.”

April gently took her hand in her own, rotating Sterling’s arm and inspecting it thoroughly. “For I will restore health to you and your wounds I will heal.”

“Dropping verses so early in the evening,” Sterling responded as she watched April tap her fingers in Sterling’s palm. “Gonna be one hell of a good time.”

“Hello, Sterling,” Mrs. Stevens said as she appeared beside April, who unceremoniously dropped Sterling’s hand with a startle. “I didn’t know you’d be by this evening.”

“I invited her,” April said quickly, a little miffed by the intrusion.

“You failed to mention it,” her mother responded.

April shrugged. “I guess we can consider Sterling as my one invite to my graduation party.”

Mrs. Stevens sighed audibly. “I do wish you would have told me,” she paused, but added, “so that I could inform the caterers.”

“That’s my fault. I didn’t know that I’d be able to make it,” Sterling joined the conversation. “But, I was in Atlanta and decided I wanted to tell April ‘congratulations’ in person.”

“And now you have,” Mrs. Stevens said to her, the message clear.

“And now we’ll catch up while you go mingle with your guests,” April replied, just as clear.

“Good to see you, Mrs. Stevens,” Sterling said to her back as she walked away wordlessly. Sterling addressed April instead, “That was warmer than I remember. I think she’s finally starting to like me.”

“You would think that making her daughter deliriously happy for five years would outweigh turning in her garbage husband, but, ya know, priorities and all,” April said sarcastically. She turned and reached back to pull Sterling along, “C’mon. Let’s get another drink.”

April headed toward the back deck, taking a small detour to grab another bottle of wine and a corkscrew. She checked multiple times to make sure she still had Sterling in tow before arriving at their destination. April slid the door open and allowed Sterling to step outside. “M’lady.”

Sterling marveled at the view of the sunset. “Ahh. God, I always loved it here.”

“Me, too,” April said, following. “We had some amazing summers at this place.”

“Summers, weekends, our high school senior year spring break when my parents thought we went to Destin with the church youth group.”

“I’m pretty sure they knew,” April told her.

“Only because you couldn’t make convincing ocean sounds,” Sterling accused. “Otherwise, they would have totally bought that Holy Worship Waves of Praise was a real thing.”

“I still can’t believe you paid Graphic Design Derek a hundred bucks to make a pamphlet for that.”

“An entire ten days completely alone with you?” Sterling said. “I would have paid Derek anything he wanted to make that pamphlet.”

April chuckled at the memory, “Money well spent for sure.”

“It was,” Sterling agreed, eyes crinkling with mischief. “One of my finer ideas.”

“So...what are you doing in town, Sterling Wesley?” April asked curiously. “You didn’t tell me you’d be here. And, considering you’ll be home for Christmas in two weeks...seems mysterious.”

“Um,” Sterling bit her lip, reluctancy written all over her face. “I was here for an interview, actually.”

“In Atlanta?”

“Yeah,” Sterling said.

“I didn’t know you were looking to move back.”

“I wasn’t,” Sterling admitted. “But I still have quite a few professional connections here. Mallory, actually. The one from Macon, not Charlotte. Don’t know if you remember her. Graduated a year ahead of us. Anyway, there’s a job at the marketing firm she’s at that’s kind of perfect and she thought of me. So...I applied.”

“And interviewed?”

“Yes,” Sterling confirmed. “Flew in last night. Met with their marketing directors this morning. Celebrating you tonight.” She proved it by draining her wine.

“How are Blair and your parents doing with this news?”

“They do not know,” Sterling confessed. “And I’m not telling them unless I get the job.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Sterling said. “If they even knew I was considering it, they’d be doing a full court press to get me home. I can’t handle all of that. And, honestly, I love my job and Louisville. I just...could love this job more. With the added bonus of being back in Georgia.”

“That would be...,” April inhaled a deep breath at the possibility. “Really great.”

“Could be.” Sterling took the corkscrew and proceeded to open the bottle that April had secured earlier. “I’m trying not to get too excited, though. Tempered expectations and all.”

“Are you kidding?” April eyed her. “Everyone loves you and you’re brilliant. That job is as good as yours.”

Sterling smiled wide at her. “Thank you.” She popped the cork and refilled both of their glasses. After a sip, she told April, “Damn this is a good rosé.”

April disagreed, “Nah, too sweet.” She set her glass down. “It’s what Mother preferred, wouldn’t have been my choice.”

“I have to hand it to Samantha. This is a beautiful event,” Sterling said honestly as she peered through the doors at the decor.

“It is,” April agreed. She lifted one brow, “Don’t propose or anything.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Sterling said, trying not to smile. She bumped April’s arm with her own. “Don’t worry. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“I do hope you don’t swear off proposals forever.”

“Who knows what’ll happen? I’d like to think there’s another proposal in my future.” Sterling gave her a knowing look. “But, hey, I’m glad we can laugh at my most embarrassing moment now.”

“It’s mine, too,” April confessed. “I still don’t even know how it happened.”

“Me either,” Sterling said quietly.

April wanted to explain how one bad mood on an exhausted night after a string of a few stressful months could have possibly led them to the end of their relationship. Why she said what she said that night. Why she was so taken aback by Sterling’s proposal. How intimidated she was by the crowd intruding on a private moment. She had meant what she said in the janitor’s closet at the reunion about having the moment to do-over, but her not accepting was much more about her than it was about Sterling. She wanted to say it all. But, she didn’t. She couldn’t. Not now.

“Sometimes I wonder what our lives would be like now,” April shared instead. “Where we would be. Who we’d be. Do you ever wonder?”

“Of course.” Sterling swallowed hard and then diverted quickly, “Y’know, I always thought your most embarrassing moment was the time I accidentally sent the very detailed sext to the wrong text thread.”

“Nah. That was embarrassing, sure, but not the most embarrassing thing,” April smiled with the memory. “It wasn’t a grand reveal. Your parents definitely knew we were having sex by then.”

“But, they probably didn’t need to know how much you got off with nipple play.”

“Andy had trouble looking me in the eye for a while.”

“God, the nervous farting at Easter dinner that year,” Sterling recounted, giggling.

“It was the turning point for Blair and me, though,” April conceded. “So, not all bad.”

“I can imagine.”

“She told me she respects a woman who knows her body and thanked me profusely for pleasuring her sister,” April said, adopting her familiar Blair impression. “It was interesting to say the least.”

“Sounds like Blair.”

“She loves you,” April told her needlessly. “Beyond your non-twinning, sister/cousin thing. She adores you.”

“I know.”

“I was always jealous of that.”

“I know.”

“Not jealous of her for being that person in your life, jealous that I didn’t have that person in my life,” April said thoughtfully. “Presented as resentment of her.”

Sterling slowly nodded. “I know.”

April drank from her glass. “Of course, you do.”

“She was jealous of you, too, in a way,” Sterling said after a moment. “You’re the only person that was ever as important as she is. Loved as much as… I always thought that the non-twinning thing was so hard on her because of the guilt of Andy and Deb being her biological parents, but now I feel like it was just as much that I confided in you and pulled away from her. That also presented as resentment.”

“Must have felt impossible.”

“Eventually, she grew to love you, though,” Sterling said positively. “Really. She wouldn’t admit it, but she did...does.”

“Me, too, reluctantly.” April glanced through the door, looking for a glimpse of her mother. “I loved being a part of your family. It was so much easier than being a part of mine.”

Sterling’s lip twisted in a sympathetic gesture.

“I didn’t have the best example of what a partnership looked like,” April said. “I’m not making excuses for myself, but I don’t think I was prepared for us at such a young age. The gravity of it all. The glaring missteps you only see in hindsight.”

Sterling shifted slightly. “I think this is too heavy for the occasion. It’s a happy day. A day to celebrate.”

“It’s a time for reflection,” April reminded her. “And I’ve been thinking about us lately.”

“Hm,” Sterling said noncommittally. Her gaze was anything but. Her eyes bore into April’s and then down her body slowly before seemingly shaking herself out of a daze. “Well, I have to drive back to Atlanta and catch an early flight,” Sterling announced. “So, definitely no more drinks,” Sterling set her glass down on the high top table she had watched April and Anderson build one weekend a few years back. She brushed her hand over the polished surface, knocked it twice with her knuckles. “Every corner of this house really does hold a memory, huh.”

“It was our place.”

“It was definitely special.”

“It took me months before I could come back,” April said. “I think there’s a box of your stuff that’s still shoved in a closet somewhere.”

“Is my Brumby Hall Ultimate Frisbee Intramural Champion shirt here?” Sterling asked. “I’ve been looking for it for years.”

April tilted her head. “It’s possible.”

“You knew that it was my favorite.”

“The only sports ball award you’ve ever earned,” April said with a laugh. “You lived in it for a while.”

“Exactly,” Sterling replied. “A prized possession.”

“I can dig it out if you insist.”

“If you can find the time in between all your studies,” Sterling said with a dismissive wave. “If not, I’ve lived without it this long.”

April could have told her exactly where it was. It was definitely not forgotten in a box in the closet. It was freshly laundered and neatly folded in April’s drawer next to all of her most worn and comfy clothes. “I’ll see if I can locate it.”

“You do that,” Sterling said as she hooked her thumb over her shoulder. “I better get going.”

“I miss you,” April said in a moment of pure honesty. “Do you think when you move back, maybe we could...get together? Grab coffee? Do lunch?”

“If I do,” Sterling replied. “Maybe...”

April looked at her, trying to communicate everything she was feeling. “Sterl, I really would like to be friends one day.”

Sterling laughed. She actually laughed. Out loud. “Did you really just say that?”

April deflated. “I know it may not be fair of me to ask, even now.”

Sterling’s laugh faded into a smirk. She took a deep breath and shook her head. “Oh, April,” she whispered, almost to herself.

“I realize that maybe it’s too soon-”

Sterling stepped in her space.

“- and you might have trouble trusting m-”

Sterling’s hand lifted to her face in slow motion, fingers dancing along her jawline then tracing a line down to her chin before placing a thumb on April’s bottom lip. She rolled it up, then pulled down before releasing it, studying April’s mouth intently, subtly licking her own lips.

April couldn’t help the fact that her tongue chased the pad of Sterling’s thumb. She couldn’t stop the pounding of her heart or the fact that her hips automatically canted toward Sterling. Her body was inclined to seek out Sterling’s body. It was inevitable. Always had been.

Sterling dipped her head to press her lips to the spot just under April’s ear, then once again to her cheek, then the corner of her mouth. Sterling’s hand fisted into April’s sweater as she pulled her tighter into her body even as she stepped forward to push them into the deck railing. Sterling pulled back for just long enough to make eye contact before switching her angle of attack. She kissed April’s neck, her pulse point, her chin before finally sucking April’s top lip into her mouth. April groaned shamelessly when Sterling’s tongue pressed into her mouth, finding hers.

She relished being pressed against Sterling. It had been so long, too long. Too long since she’d been pinned under Sterling’s hips. Too long without having Sterling’s hands roaming her body. Too long without the feel of Sterling’s breasts on hers. They fit together as exquisitely as they had the first time they made out in Sterling’s car. All the years together and apart hadn’t changed that proven fact.

Sterling trailed over the shell of April’s ear with her mouth, lightly biting her ear lobe before hotly rasping, “We’re not friends.” She kissed her once more on the cheek before leveling a devastating smile at her. She walked away with a nonchalant, “Congratulations, April.”

Chapter Text

April internally cringed at Aunt Jenny’s rousing karaoke rendition of Tammy Wynette’s D-I-V-O-R-C-E as she really dug deep to deliver on the chorus. A few onlookers clapped and yelled encouragement, but April couldn’t be moved to join. She checked her watch, thinking that it had been going on forever and hoping it might end. It didn’t. In fact, Jenny seemed to hit a groove and had grown even louder and more emotional by the second verse.

She craned her neck to get a view of the entrance. Still no Sterling.

April didn’t know whether to be disappointed or not. Their plan to see each other was tentative at best. She couldn’t even really say it was a plan. They each had been invited to Sarah’s Divorcee Soiree: A Celebration of Singledom, New, Old, and Chosen. There was mention that they might see one another. It’s not like she was not expecting any confirmation of Sterling’s itinerary, though.

She honestly didn’t know what to expect at all. Last time she had seen Sterling, they’d kissed. Which was amazing. Then Sterling left. Less amazing. The two had been in contact. Which was amazing. Albeit, minimal. Less amazing. Sterling had been offered and had accepted the job in Atlanta. Fucking gloriously amazing. Yet, April had been anxious about bringing up the kissing and/or Sterling’s statement about being friends (or the lack thereof) so she had no idea what it meant for them. Not amazing at all.

All of that to say, she sat with a barely touched Subpoenaed Sangria and a plate of legally separated ribs with smashed heart potatoes between Divorced AF balloons and wondered to herself why the hell she remained at such a depressing event.

She felt someone slide in next to her and a brief thrill rushed through her body only to find Sarah. She tried to not let the utter deflation show on her face. “Hey.”

“April, oh my god, I am so so happy you came,” Sarah said, throwing her arms over April’s shoulders and squeezing her tight.

April’s arms stayed pinned to her sides, but she said awkwardly, “Yeah, of course.”

“Are you up next?” Sarah asked as she offered April the Karaoke catalog. “Please! We can sing something together.”

“No,” April declined. “I don’t do karaoke.”

“This isn’t just karaoke,” Sarah said. “It’s basically therapy.”

“Oh, I do text therapy like the rest of the tone deaf population,” April quipped.

Sarah guffawed. “Geez, you’re always so funny,” she told her before she did an abrupt conversational one eighty. “I owe you so many apologies.”

April quickly worked through the whiplash. “You do?”

“I ostracized you,” Sarah said. “In favor of Sterl. I know, I did.”

“Yeah, but-”

“You are my cousin.”

“I am.”

“And my friend!” Sarah insisted. “But I just picked a side.”

“I don’t bla-”

“People just pick sides, April,” Sarah continued. “No matter how much history you have. No matter how many times you’ve shown up for them. No matter if you were the only one who chartered a flight to pick you up in Mexico after the motherfucker you left your husband for stole all your goddamn money and credit cards and left your ass at a three star Marriott without so much as a babbel subscription.”

“People do pick sides,” April said carefully, not wanting to spark another vehement rant. “It’s true.”

“And I did it to you,” Sarah said, frowny face on display. “And I’m so sorry.”

“It’s really okay,” April told her. “It was a long time ago.”

“I just couldn’t understand why you did it,” Sarah said. “But now, I do. I absolutely get it. Fuck love. Fuck happiness. It’s all an illusion. It’s all bullshit.”

“I don’t know about that,” April said as she reached out to pat Sarah’s arm. “It’s not all bullshit.”

“It is, though. An absolute pile of steaming shit. And so is Dev.”

April knew undoubtedly she was really going to regret the question she was about to ask. “What happened?”

“Oh,” Sarah dramatically let out a deep breath. “Well, we were out shopping a couple of weeks ago and I just wanted to grab a new four-slice toaster. Mine was toasting very unevenly. Simple. Easy. He insisted that he needed some five hundred dollar wide slice toaster for his bagels. The man has never toasted his own bagel in his entire life. He probably couldn’t tell you where the bagels are kept in this place. There’s also a toaster oven somewhere that probably hasn’t even been unboxed yet. Maybe put five minutes of effort in and find that. Right? It was ridiculous. Like everything around here. Ya know? Anyway, I realized at that moment we’d never agree. About anything. Ever. So I asked for a divorce. Right there in the middle of Williams-Sonoma.”

“Because you couldn’t agree on a toaster?” April asked, just seeking clarification.

“Well, that, and also he was fucking Trey’s nanny,” Sarah said simply. “That was pretty hard to ignore.”

“Oh,” April agreed with an emphatic nod. “That would be a proverbial bump in the road, yes.”

“It’s my turn!” Sarah squealed as the notes of music died out. Before April could respond, Sarah was off to grab the microphone.

“Oh-kay...”

April wasn’t quite sure what to do with that interaction as she watched Sarah belt out Flowers with little to no abandon. True to Sarah’s declaration, it did seem therapeutic. She smiled, knowing that Sarah would eventually make it through the heartbreak. As for her own...maybe one day.

She still hadn’t seen Sterling. And with no Sterling, she was done here. It was the only reason she had come to this shindig anyway. She gave Sarah a wave that she didn’t see (because she had added choreography to her performance) and made her way toward the door, resigning herself to the missed opportunity of a possible reconnection. She had just slipped away from the crowd and turned the corner toward the exit when she was interrupted.

“Is that April S. Stevens, Esquire?”

April stopped in her tracks at the sound of Sterling’s voice, wondering if she imagined it. “Sterl?” she said tentatively as she turned.

“Leaving already?”

April shrugged. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, I got here a few minutes ago,” Sterling explained. “Seemed like you and Sarah were having a heart to heart, so I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Oh, nah,” April dismissed that thought. “We were just...” She stopped herself, not wanting to get into that heavy convo about love and loss. “I wondered if you’d come,” she said instead. “Thought you weren’t going to show.”

“I’m sorry. My stuff arrived yesterday, thank God, and it took a bit longer to get the truck unpacked than I thought,” Sterling said. “I’m all moved in now, which is a relief. Blair and I were not meant to cohabitate as adults.”

“So you’re back...actually back?” April asked, not quite believing it. “As in have a new Georgia address?”

“I am,” Sterling said with a bright smile. “I’m back.”

“That’s...”

“I know,” Sterling said. “It is...”

April wondered how happy she was allowed to be by this development. Not that she could help the stupid grin on her face or anything. “I’m so happy...for you.”

“Me, too,” Sterling said. “I feel good about it. The job’s great. My family is absolutely thrilled, as you would expect-”

“Of course.”

“So...” Sterling found April’s eyes with her own. “Almost everything is settled.”

“Almost...” April said before they both heard a rustling in an adjacent room.

“Um,” Sterling held a finger to her lips and stepped backward into the hallway bathroom. She gestured for April to follow her in.

April did so, making sure to glance around before entering. Ensuring the coast was clear, she closed the door behind her. “Did you want to talk about something?”

“I, uh...” Sterling took a step forward and reached past April to lock the door.

April’s brows raised when Sterling’s arm brushed hers. “You what?” she croaked at the contact.

“I wanted to, um, ask about, you know, the last time we saw each other. You haven’t mentioned it-”

“Nor have you-”

“Um, no, I didn’t.”

April shrugged, “I didn’t know if I should. Since you didn’t.”

“I didn’t know if you were...okay...with it?”

“You kissing me? Cryptically saying we’re not friends and leaving me on the deck?”

Sterling nodded once. “That’s a good recap, yep.”

“I’m not sure how to feel about it...”

“Oh,” Sterling said with a frown. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable-”

“No, no,” April said quickly. “I...” she sighed, “was definitely not uncomfortable. I was...into it.”

Sterling’s demeanor changed and her gaze narrowed, “You were into it?”

“Yes, of course, I was,” April rolled her eyes. “But then you left.”

“That’s why you didn’t know what to think?”

“Yes!”

“Oh.”

April was getting impatient. “Okay, Sterl. What is this about?”

“I’m just checking with you that we’re good.” Sterling shifted from one foot to the other. “That’s all.”

“Are we good?” April asked. “That’s a loaded question considering our history, dontcha think?”

“And, also, honestly, I, um, I wanted to tell you that I can’t think about anything else besides wanting to kiss you again,” Sterling admitted. “So, there’s that.”

April’s brain glitched, like her life freeze-framed on the moment. Her heart leapt from her chest and somehow started to beat in a cadence that was bigger than her body was able to contain. She may not need it anyway. Just like she probably didn’t need air to breathe or anything else because Sterling wanting to kiss her was enough to feed her forever. “Yeah?” she whispered hopefully.

“Well, yeah,” Sterling said, with a short laugh.

“Then, you definitely should.”

Sterling’s laugh faded and her eyes drifted down April’s body and back up to catch her stare. She swallowed hard before reaching out and lightly landing on April’s hip. Sterling took another step closer. She leaned over April, resting her other arm on the wall beside them. “Why the fuck do I still dream about you?” she breathed, nearly helplessly.

“My irresistible nature,” April countered.

“Probably not that.”

“My strong ambition?”

“Nah.”

She couldn’t stop the tick of the corner of the lip that formed a smirk. She recognized what was happening. She was well-versed in this flirty dance with Sterling. They had perfected the back and forth. “Irrepressible charm, then?”

“Debatable,” Sterling said as her hand trailed across the fabric of April’s shirt and she manipulated the bottom button with her fingers.

April watched Sterling’s fingers raptly as she continued, “Flawless style, winning sense of humor. Take your pick.”

“I don’t think it’s any of those things,” Sterling said to her. “Not at all.”

April rolled up onto her tiptoes to catch Sterling’s lips with hers. It was quick, testing limits. Sterling looked at her, mildly surprised, but then chased her lips. April felt herself pressed into the wall, Sterling’s body against hers.

And, fuck, it was perfect. Sterling’s mouth on hers. Sterling's hands in her hair. Sterling’s hips thrust against her belly. Sterling’s knee nudging her thigh. Sterling’s tongue. Sterling’s breasts. Sterling’s heart thumping. April desperately grabbed at Sterling's ass and drew impossibly closer.

“You know what it is?” Sterling asked as she leaned back teasingly and pushed open the collar of April’s shirt just enough to trail a finger down her neck to her collarbone. She brushed the smooth skin there. “Probably this spot...right...here.” She lowered her head to suck on the spot that she knew damn well made April crazy.

“Not fair,” April said with a moan. “That’s playing dirty.”

“Eh,” Sterling replied as she casually lifted her shirt off and threw it behind her. “I’ve been dirtier.”

April groaned as she pushed off the wall hard, sending them stumbling a bit. She steadied them, when she reached out and caught the marble top of the vanity. “Don’t I know it,” April replied while her hand trailed down, over Sterling’s chest, her breast, a light scratch down her abdomen before reaching the button of her jeans. She worked it open, pushed the zipper down and grabbed the waistband to tug down. She didn’t get very far, so she tugged again. “Damn it,” she cursed.

Sterling eventually pulled back, a smile broadening. “Out of practice?”

“Those are tight,” April volleyed back.

Sterling shoved her pants down her legs, balancing to pull on one leg and hopped out of the other. She tossed them out of the way and then lifted herself to sit on the vanity top. “Better?”

“So much better,” April agreed, enjoying the vision of Sterling stripped down to her bra and panites. She stepped into Sterling’s space, between her legs, and ran her hands slowly up bare thighs. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.”

Sterling wrapped her legs tightly around April, forcing her even closer. She took April’s face in hands, lowered her head to capture her lips gently and then rested her forehead against April’s. “I don’t want to be friends,” she said out of nowhere.

April nearly had to shake her lusty cobwebs out of her mind to follow. “Okay,” she said, fighting through the confusion.

“I can’t be friends with you,” Sterling said. “There’s no universe that we could exist that I don’t want you. And I can’t just be on the periphery of your life. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard to move on and find someone else. But, it’s always you. So, no. I can’t just be friends.”

“Then we won’t be friends,” April said.

Sterling leaned back enough to look April in the eye. “I’m serious. I’ve exhausted all my restraint. I can’t be around you and not touch you. I can’t talk to you and not tell you...”

“Tell me what?” April asked, barely audible.

“You know!”

April did know and she felt positively giddy about it. She grinned like a mad woman at Sterling. “You still love me.” She didn’t have to ask, she knew.

Sterling twisted her lips, trying in vain not to smile. “Fuck you.”

April let her hands ghost down Sterling’s sides and down to her hips. She hooked her fingers into Sterling’s panties. “Up,” she demanded. Sterling immediately complied and let April drag her underwear down her legs. She twirled them around her finger once before letting them drop to the ground. She hooked her arms under Sterling’s thigh and gave them a tug, essentially pulling Sterling to the edge.

Sterling let herself be manipulated into whatever position April desired. “What are you doing?”

April looked her dead in the eye as she lowered herself, hovering over Sterling. “Can I?” she asked before receiving a firm nod. April licked gently. Just a taste. “I’m reminding you.”

“A...” Sterling huffed out, breaths coming faster.

Another flick of Aprils’ tongue, then a broader lick.

“Fu-uck.”

April made a few more sweeps with her tongue, enjoying the sounds she was eliciting. She pressed Sterling’s legs even wider, making more room for herself as she sucked Sterling’s clit into her mouth.

“A, baby,” Sterling shrieked, pulling April’s hair. She shifted hard, trying to gain more friction and press herself closer.

The move made April pause.

“Ugh,” Sterling called, bucking against April’s retreating mouth. “Please.”

April kissed her way up Sterling’s body, showering open mouthed kisses to her chest before whispering in her ear. “You okay?”

Sterling answered with a grunt.

“I’m going to need words, Sterl,” April breathed out.

“Yes!” Sterling said, voice scratchy. “Keep going.”

April flicked Sterling’s earlobe with her tongue. “Fingers or mouth?”

Sterling groaned again and caught April’s lips with her own, crushing them together as she clawed at April’s shirt.

“Fingers,” Sterling gasped. “Nobody fucks me like you do.”

That was all the encouragement she needed. April couldn’t help but think that the feeling of being inside of Sterling again felt like a religious experience. It was all-encompassing. From the slick, wet heat wrapping around her fingers to the pulse in her clit to the relief in her soul to be intimately intertwined with the love of her life. She pulled back ever so slightly, just to slip back in. Then repeated the action faster, then faster, then deeper. She positioned her thumb to roll over Sterling's clit with each thrust just because she knew she'd get an absolutely filthy moan from the added pleasure. It was divine. She couldn’t get enough of fucking Sterling. She never could. She never wanted to stop.

“April,” Sterling screamed as her body tensed, jolted and then went limp against the vanity. She exhaled and let out a grunt of laughter. “Oh my god,” she said as she tried to catch her breath.

April slowed her fingers before going still completely, staring reverently. “I missed that.”

Sterling smiled at her. “God, me too,” she confessed. “You are incredible at it.”

“You might bring out the best in me,” April replied.

“Good,” Sterling responded as she sat up. “I hope I do.”

“You do,” April said in earnest. “You've always had a way of smoothing out my edges.”

“That’s not what I meant-”

“But, it’s true,” April said. “You are the best thing in my life, Sterl. Even now. I still get butterflies when your name appears on my phone.” April sighed, tilted her head and confessed what she’d known the whole time. “I love you. I never stopped.”

“We have so much history to sift through.”

“We do.”

“And things to really examine about what happened.”

“We will,” April assured her as she kissed down the line of Sterling’s jaw, ending on her bottom lip.

Sterling returned the kiss. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

“I know.”

Sterling gave April a playful push and slipped off the vanity and retrieved her panties, yanking them up her legs. “What are you doing later?”

“Today?” April asked as she picked up Sterling’s shirt and handed it back to her. “I don’t have plans.”

“I need to pick up a few things for my new place,” Sterling said as she wriggled into her shirt. “You want to come?”

“Do you need a toaster?”

Sterling thought about it for a moment as she buttoned her jeans, “I guess I do.”

April grabbed one of Sarah’s decorative soaps and scrubbed her hands. “Need a second opinion?”

“Do you know anything about toasters?” Sterling asked suspiciously.

“Not a thing,” April admitted as she dried her hands. “You know what I do know, though?”

“What’s that?”

April pressed against her. “That nobody fucks you like I do.”

Sterling’s face immediately blushed, “Shut up.”

“No, that’s nice,” April said, slipping her hands into Sterling’s back pockets. “It’s flattering to still have a distinction in your life…a positive distinction.”

Sterling kissed her. “You have plenty of positive distinctions in my life.”

“Hm.”

“Hey, you want to see my decor?” Sterling asked her, smiling widely at her clever callback.

“I would love to,” April said as she opened the bathroom door and gestured for Sterling to lead the way.

Chapter Text

“Where did you put my big knife?” April called out as she opened the drawer that she would have put the big knife in for the third time. There was no big knife in there. She had previously confirmed it twice. It hadn’t materialized. “Sterling?” Another drawer opened with no big knife. “Sterl?”

“Which big knife?" Sterling asked when she appeared in the kitchen.

“The big one,” April answered, glancing at Sterling quickly, but then doing a double take when she realized Sterling was naked. “You’re not dressed.”

“I’m not?” Sterling asked sarcastically, making a show of looking down her body. “Well, shit. Just call me the emperor.”

“People are going to be here in...” April looked at the time, “like an hour.”

“I was just about to shower, yet here we are discussing big knives.” Sterling clicked her tongue and put her hands on hips. “Stalemate.”

April got momentarily distracted by her girlfriend’s nudity.

“The knife?” Sterling said, breaking the spell.

“Oh! It’s long.” April held her hands a foot apart. “And very pointy.”

“Aren’t they all?”

“No...well, yes, but this one is not just pointy at the end?” April struggled to remember the technical term. “It’s thinner,” she made a couple of stabbing motions and slapped the giant melon on the counter, “and lots of pointiness.”

“A bread knife?” Sterling asked.

“Yes!” April said. “Yes, where’s my bread knife?”

Sterling looked at her for a moment, with immense amounts of judgment implied and then gestured to the countertop where the knife block rested. “Where the knives live.”

“Oh,” April said, “obviously.” She took a few steps to grab the knife and returned to her giant melon before eyeing up her project.

“You seem off,” Sterling noticed. “What’s up with you today?”

“Nothing,” April said, maybe a tad bit defensively.

Sterling wasn’t buying it. “We don’t have to do this today.”

“We’re doing it,” April said as she chopped the melon in half. “Has to be today.”

Sterling sauntered up behind her, wrapping her arms around April’s waist. She placed a kiss on her neck before resting her chin on April’s shoulder. “Is it because you want to show off your melons?”

“I’m not the one with my melons hanging out,” April replied.

“Oh, baby, but you could be,” Sterling whispered seductively while reaching up to squeeze April’s breasts. “You have beautiful melons.”

April paused all her cutting. “Did you just double honk me while I’ve got a big knife in my hands?”

“I did. It was fun,” Sterling said boldly. “And I’ll do it again.” She then proceeded to do it again.

“Sterl!” April bumped her with butt as she went back to slicing. “You need to get dressed. We have guests coming and they’re expecting melon skewers.”

“I’m not sure they are specifically expecting melon skewers.”

“They are, I put it on the invitation text!”

“Hey,” Sterling said as she gently stilled April’s hand until she put the knife down on the cutting board. She turned April’s shoulder until they were facing each other. “I’m serious. We don’t have to do this right nowt,” Sterling said. “If you’re not in the mood, we can reschedule. I can just as easily send an un-invitation text.”

“That’s not a thing.”

“De-invitation?”

“Disinvited,” April said.

“Who cares!” Sterling all but squealed. “It’s been a long week and I’d be content with just you and me and our melons. I’ll disinvite them if you want.”

That much was true. It had been a long week. On top of their ever increasing workloads, they had moved into their new apartment just last weekend. When they had reconciled, they mutually decided not to officially merge until both of their leases were up. It was a safe way to set boundaries and to make sure they weren’t moving too quickly. It gave them each a place to retreat, which they had taken advantage of early on. There were arguments. Many disagreements. Feelings to sort. Questions to be answered. They did all the work. Had the discussions. And, thankfully they hadn’t needed or wanted to retreat from each other in a while. They were ready to build together. They were not just on the same page these days, they were on the same paragraph. So, after a year, they moved into a slightly bigger place central to their offices. Hence, the gathering.

“Absolutely not,” April responded. “We’re warming this house.”

Sterling studied her for a moment. “Okay.”

“And I would normally never say this, but put clothes on that gorgeous ass of yours, please.”

“Fine,” Sterling acquiesced. She leaned down, closer to April, eyes shut with lips jutted in anticipation.

April tried not to smile.

Sterling opened her eyes.

“What are you doing?” April asked.

“Kiss me.”

“I am trying to prepare for our party,” April said.

Sterling straightened to her full height and tilted her head in annoyance. “April.”

“Sterling.”

Sterling grabbed April’s hips and tugged her closer. “Kiss me.”

“I’m busy!” April protested, not really putting up any kind of fight, just twisting listlessly against her.

Sterling’s hands trailed to April’s ass, kneading her fingers in and snuggling tighter. “C’mon, kiss me already.”

April draped her arms over Sterling’s shoulders, locking her fingers together. “Will you leave me alone if I do?”

“I can’t promise that.”

“I really do need to prepare my melon skewers,” April said. “So I’m going to need you to skedaddle, temptress.”

“You are so weird today,” Sterling remarked. “Just so you know.”

April pulled Sterling’s face to hers. “So are you.”

“But, it’s expected of me,” Sterling countered, closing the gap and meeting April’s lips.

“Mmm,” April moaned her appreciation. She welcomed Sterling’s tongue in her mouth, enjoying how they tangled together so effortlessly. How the two of them always slotted together so perfectly. She took time to enjoy it before trailing her fingers down Sterling’s neck, over a collarbone, giving her naked nipple a flick before squeezing Sterling’s breast hard and quick. “There,” she said, pulling away. She gave Sterling a light push afterward. “Now, go.”

“Mean!” Sterling exclaimed, trying to gather April back up. “You honked me.”

“You were right. It was fun.” April brandished her big knife with one hand and slapped Sterling’s grabby hands away with the other. “Go shower!”

“I’m going!”

“I love you,” April said as she resumed her melon slicing. She had systematically diced up her watermelon to perfection when she heard an insistent knocking on the door.

She opened it to find Ezequiel. “You owe me,” he said in greeting.

“Owe you for what?”

“You know exactly what for,” Ezequiel complained as he barged past April into the apartment. He held a small velvet box between his fingers, waving it around. “I had to traipse all over the city this morning for this.”

“You had one stop.”

“But, the traffic was horrible,” he complained. He opened the box to show her the diamond ring within, “But, dammit, if you didn’t get your girl some sparkle. Holy hell, this is ice cold.”

“Put it away,” April said through gritted teeth. “She’s in the shower.” She turned to close the door, but found Blair.

“I carried a watermelon,” Blair said, holding up the melon in victory.

“Nooo,” April huffed. “I said cantaloupe, Blair. I already have a watermelon.”

“Oh,” Blair said. “I’ll admit I don’t really listen to you.” She ducked out and then reappeared with two cantaloupes. “But, I brought both!”

April clutched her chest in relief. “Couldn’t have led with that?”

“It was more fun this way,” Blair said, balancing all her melons as she crossed the threshold. She noticed Ezequiel soon after, “Oh, shit. Is that the ring? Lemme see!”

“Will you please keep it down,” April said with a scowl. “She’s in the shower.”

“Hello girls!” Anderson said as he appeared in the doorway with a rug over his arm.

“Dad, you’re early!” Blair said to him as she ambled over Ezequiel to see the ring up close.

“Your mom and I wanted to come and offer any help we could,” he said. “Put us to work.”

“I brought the lemon meringue!” Deb announced her arrival with baked goods. “Where’s Sterl? It’s her favorite.”

“She’s in the shower,” April answered.

“And it’s my favorite,” Blair corrected her as she took the ring and checked its reflective qualities. “Wow, this is so much bigger than the one you turned down.”

“Blair!” Debbie admonished her.

“Thanks for bringing that up,” April said as she picked up the melons that Blair had discarded. "Appreciated."

“What’s with the rug, Mr. Dubya?” Ezequiel asked, noticing a head attached.

“Oh,” Anderson showed it off. “It’s a bear skin rug!”

“That’s disgusting, Dad,” Blair said.

“It’s a faux bear skin,” Debbie explained. “Pipe down, Blair. It’s fine.”

“Not sure it’s fine, but-”

“It’s our gift for the new place,” Anderson said as she slipped it around him, the bear head resting on his own. “Grr.”

“Oh,” Ezequiel nodded. “It’s a gag gift, I get it.”

“No...”

“It is,” Ezequiel said to him. “You’re gonna want to go with that.”

Anderson turned to ask what Deb thought, but the movement of the faux bear skin rug he was wearing caught her heel. She unsteadily toddled for a moment and then went face forward into her lemon meringue.

“Oh, no,” he cringed, arms up.

“Andy!” she screamed, her face full of pie dripping on her blouse.

April had dropped her melons as she lunged toward Deb to keep her upright. Blair laughed so hard that she went down wheezing to one knee while Ezequiel’s hands immediately went over his mouth.

And that’s how Sterling found them. An overcome Blair proposing to a shocked Ezequiel with a massive diamond ring while her Dad wore a bear costume and her Mom cosplayed Mrs. Doubtfire. She looked at April, who was staring longingly at three busted melons. “I was only gone for ten minutes,” she said.

When April heard her voice, she knew the jig was up. “Hey, baby.”

“What’s going on in here?” Sterling asked the group, her hair was still dripping wet. She had obviously just thrown on an oversized hoodie to run downstairs and investigate the bedlam. By the look on her face, she was one hundred percent stunned by the scene.

April shrugged helplessly, “Marry me?”

“What?

“I’m proposing, Sterl.”

Sterling gestured toward the mess. “But, what about your melon skewers?”

“We’ll order pizza instead,” April said, no longer caring. “Sterling, it wasn’t about the melon skewers.”

It was then that Blair tiptoed over and handed off the ring before backing away slowly. “You might need this,” she mouthed obnoxiously.

“Thanks, Blair,” April said as she stepped over the fruit remnants toward Sterling and placed her knee in a puddle of juice. “What do you say, Sterl? Will you marry me?”

Sterling smiled the widest smile. “You made me wait for a while, you know.”

“I waited just as long,” April responded, beaming back at her. “Our timing may have been off the first time, but please know that I’ve always wanted to marry you.”

Deb used the faux bear skin rug to wipe the meringue and the tears off her face. “This is beautiful,” she stage-whispered to Anderson.

“I’ll keep asking,” April said. “For however long you need me to.”

“Once was enough,” Sterling assured her, holding out her hand. “Of course, I’ll marry you. I love you, April.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” she said definitively.

And April finally slipped the ring on Sterling’s finger.