Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Josselyn Tanner was not having her best day, which was saying something.

Every day she had to tone down her own style, her own personality. No hints at her hard rock taste in music could be found in her very bland, high-waisted, blue denim jeans and faded band T-shirt from the 60s, that had once belonged to her mother. She wanted to be mousy, to go unnoticed to everyone around her.

High School was Hell; and even if she only had a few months left, she'd rather it be a quiet and uneventful hell. Her shaggy brown hair had been impossible this morning; normally it stuck out at odd curled angles, but could usually be overcome to some degree by keeping the length long and moussed. But of course, she'd run out of mousse today, and so it had been piled into a very unflattering ponytail, and secured by a random scrunchy she had found under her bed.

At eighteen, life already seemed to be passing her by. She saw everyone preparing to go to college after school finished, but Joss didn't know what she wanted to do. Looking for guidance was a wasted effort, her mother was too busy traveling with her showy aerobics job. Going to conventions here and TV filming there, it was a much more exciting life for her mom to live than the daily trudge in Hawkins, Indiana. Sure, her mom paid the bills; and called on a long distance phone once a week to see if Joss needed anything, but it wasn't the same as having a parent right there, looking out for you. Joss had learned, early in her teenage years, that she could only rely on herself. Her father lived in California, and had since she was eleven. Over the years he had been in and out of his daughter's life so much that Joss had stopped hoping, stopped waiting, and just let it be what it was. She tried not to be bitter, but some nights it was hard, being alone.

That was why Joss worked Fridays and weekends at the local Palace Arcade. When she'd first started at sixteen it had been fun, the bright lights, the constant clamour of arcade music as each cabinet vied to be heard over the others, and the chatter and laughter of all the kids who came in, eager to spend money and have a good night. For a time, it had filled some of that emptiness she felt, and for a short while she came home to a gloomy house feeling content and happy. Soon the place lost its sheen as it just became the ordinary. Now it felt mediocre and melancholic in the glow of the neon lights.

Her last school year had been full of ups and downs. Her grades were deemed 'okay', her teachers thought she could get a good job after school; because college had never been discussed with her parents, and Joss had no desire to stay in a school setting any longer than necessary.

The last thing Joss wanted was to end up in a dead end job, marrying some dead end guy and popping out a few kids, while she wondered what could have been, what adventures she'd missed. She didn't want to turn out like her parents, waiting until there was a kid in the middle of all the hurt of a mid-life crisis break up. Joss wanted to do something with her life, she just wasn't sure what yet - but leaving this damn town would be a start.

Summer weather was here far too early in Hawkins and it was getting hotter by the day. As she crouched in the parking lot of the high school she could smell the hot asphalt and see the heat wavering in the air around her. She felt a small trickle of sweat snake its way down her back and pulled her lips down in disgust. What she wouldn't give in that moment for a cold soda right out of the vending machine, or to sit in one of the darker hallways and let the chill air give her some relief from the heat.

But she couldn't go into the cool refuge of the school yet.

Her bag strap had broken, hence not having the best day.

She sat on her haunches as she tried to tie the two frayed strap pieces together, the music playing softly from the headphones around her neck, Pat Benatar's 'Fire and Ice'.

Suddenly there was a loud blare of music and a screech of tires, and she turned at the noise to see a dark blue Camaro pulling into the lot at speed. The windows were down and as the car whizzed past her she caught the drifting melodies of a rock song she knew, but couldn't place.

The car came to a reckless stop in a parking bay and the windows were rolled up, silencing the music and the heated shouting from the occupants inside. A young red-haired girl jumped out of the passenger seat, gave the car a middle finger and quickly jumped onto her skateboard, sailing from view into the shade of the school buildings within seconds.

Despite her sweaty hands, Joss managed to tie a makeshift knot and shifted her clumsily repaired bag up on to her shoulder and rose to her feet, noticing as she did, a man slide from the car's driver's side. He nonchalantly locked the car before shoving the keys deep into his tight mid-wash blue jeans pocket and leaning back onto the closed car door. He lit a cigarette with a quick flick of a silver lighter then banged his fist angrily on the car, creating a dull metallic sound.

Joss knew who he was, everyone at school did. Billy Hargrove, bad news - with an even badder attitude. He went through girls like water, a new girlfriend on his arm every week, he tired of each one and threw them away like used gum. He started fights and trouble whenever he could. The school's 'king of keg' parties, he attracted attention like a magnet and he loved it. She watched as two girls passed by, sending pink smiles his way, and one gave a little high-pitched 'Hi Billy', which he returned with a wicked curl of tongue over his bottom lip in enjoyment at the unspoken compliment their blatant notice came with. He didn't bless them with a vocal reply but clicked one of his fingers at them and winked, then watched in flagrant appreciation as they walked away, his gaze focused quite firmly upon their backsides. Both girls giggled at his attention, whispering how hot he was to each other as they passed Joss. She thought she heard one comment on how good his ass looked in those especially tight jeans, then they dissolved into giggles again.

Joss rolled her eyes.

But still, even she couldn't deny they weren't really wrong, he was good looking, there was a reason he was so popular. He dressed confidently in tight jeans and T-shirts that showed off his well-defined muscles, his denim jacket clinging to his frame which oozed confidence. His hair was slightly curly and fluffy, fashionably long at the back, a silver earring dangling from his ear. It was obvious he took care of his appearance and Joss could admire a fine looking guy as much as the next girl, and that's just what she found herself absently doing now, lost in her own musings of hormonally fuelled high school politics.

He took a long, hard drag of his cigarette, closed his eyes and tilted his head up to the sky before blowing out a large cloud of smoke in a gesture of frustration, clearly not over his dramatic entrance and the fight with the red haired skater. Joss found herself wondering if his bravado was a show, just like she put on a show everyday? Although hers was to be invisible, maybe his was to be... obnoxious?

She smiled secretly at her little joke. Hot and obnoxious suited Billy Hargrove like his tight jean jacket.

When he opened his eyes again, he noticed her standing across the lot and held her startled gaze to his for a second, placing her, who she was to him, evaluating her surveillance. Joss glanced away quickly, suddenly aware she had been plainly gawking in her inner wondering. She tried hard to fight down the sudden heat of embarrassment that flooded into her face, and in a fluster hitched her bag up higher, where it promptly snapped again and fell with a soft thud to the ground, spilling the contents across the concrete in a spray of chaos. She quickly scrambled to pick it all up, gathering notes, lip balm, books and her pencil case, palms grazing across the heated sidewalk in her scrabble to do it all as quickly as possible, knowing he was watching. Joss could feel the blush fully burning in her cheeks.

Not only was Billy Hargrove a ladies' man, he was also a bully, pushing around others when he thought he could get away with it, goading some into outright fights, and committing others to daily ridicule. She didn't see any reason why he wouldn't direct any of that unwanted attention on her right now in punishment for her unguarded actions and disregard of high school hierarchy, she was, after all, a nobody, invisible, beneath him.

After pushing all the spilled contents back into their rightful place, Joss gathered the whole bag into her arms, and, averting her gaze from his direction, she began once more to walk towards the building, fearing hearing him coming after her, or a shout of 'Hey you!'. Joss couldn't afford being noticed. She chanted that she was in fact fully invisible to all prying eyes as she tried to scuttle into the hoped-for concealment of the school building.

"Hey Joss!" a voice called, and Joss' heart jumped into her throat.

It was her classmate Lori, one of the very few people she talked to during school hours.

"Hey," she greeted in relief.

"You okay?" Lori looked concerned. "Did your stupid bag break again?"

"You know it," Joss said, now walking in step with the other girl as if nothing untoward had happened at all.

"Did you finish the maths homework? It was du-ull! This heat is something right?" As Lori babbled away, Joss started to feel her composure return enough to chance a look back. She saw he was still watching, and was now smirking at her as if finding the whole skit very amusing. Joss felt a little unpleasant jolt in her stomach at his indiscreet and mean-spirited attention, clearly enjoying her discomfort.

She turned back to Lori, forcing herself to only focus on their conversation and not the bully behind them.

Chapter Text

Joss looked around, it was Friday night, 8pm, and the arcade was at its busiest time.

Over the electronic music of all the machines she could hear the slow drum beat and rhythmic bass of Journey's 'Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)', and found her foot tapping in time, feeling the curl of distant guitar soaring, as if trying to take her soul somewhere else, somewhere better. She closed her eyes, her body swaying, mumbling along to the words, getting lost in the music for a moment.

She was interrupted by a sweaty kid asking her to change his money for quarters, which she gladly did. It was dark and close in the arcade, the neon lights the only real illumination, and the crappy plastic fans her boss had dotted around the place barely took any of the night's heat away.

Despite all the excited kids, the mediocre workload, and the rampant humidity, Joss still loved this place. Here in the semi-darkness, she felt she could be herself; none of her classmates visited the arcade, they deemed themselves far too old for its delights. Her peers preferred alcohol fuelled parties, boom boxes and beer cans at the make-out point, or burgers and a movie at the newly opened Starcourt Mall.

There was only one place in this whole lousy small town Joss had ever wanted to go and that was the bar just outside downtown. Deemed by some a crass 'bikers' bar', she knew from word of mouth that they sometimes had live bands play, some even traveling in from other states, rock music. Joss had attempted to go there a year ago when an underground heavy metal band she'd have died to see live was playing, but she wasn't the best in social situations, or in any situation that meant she had to use charisma and charm to slide past obstacles. She'd been an easy mark for the bandanna wearing, leather clad bouncers.

Maybe it was her overly long loitering outside, pacing back and forth like a scared mouse, that had given her away, or just the fact she did not in fact look anywhere near 21? They'd asked her rather smugly for her ID, which Joss did not have, and they'd shooed her away like she was, in fact, just a little pest, having a good laugh to each other about 'damn kids trying their luck'.

Joss had said something very unflattering under her breath, which she was ultimately glad none of those big guys had heard, and then scurried her little 'pest' self around back to where all the empty beer barrels were kept. She'd crouched amongst them, finding a good place to hide, knowing if the bouncers found her again they'd march her to the road, or want to call her mom, or if she was at her most unlucky, the damn police. None of those options were appealing as Joss had already walked nearly three hours across town to get here. So, she'd hidden and waited until her thigh muscles ached, until the sky became fully dark and all the customers were safely closed inside the walls, enjoying their night. She could hear the strains of music through the thin wooden back door. Her first concert enjoyed secretly amongst the stink of stale old beer and cigarette butts. Wild. What a rebel.

Now, Joss stuck to the safety of the Arcade, pretending it was her own venue where she could listen to any bands she desired without a single person giving a crap. She could do what she wanted, be who she wanted, dress how she wanted. It wasn't really the height of anarchy, she still did her job like a good little capitalist pig, but it was her own subdued version of mutiny. Until she could get out of Hawkins, this was her only way to let loose and be herself without fear of reprisal from bouncers, parents or her classmates.

Her denim skirt had existed once as an old pair of jeans, she'd sewed it herself, short, tight and accented with a silver chunky belt buckle Her vest top was a band t-shirt that she'd cut the sleeves off, which Joss thought was very cool. She'd got the t-shirt in California when visiting her dad, his friend had been to a Dokken concert and brought her back a t-shirt in sympathy. It was her only concert t-shirt, as she'd still never managed to go to any, via tiny shit-hole backwoods bar or big shiny venues. Her over-sized denim jacket was full of band patches, with her own hand painted artwork covering the back. Finishing the look was a studded bracelet at her wrist, and her feet were wrapped in her favourite studded pointed toe boots. Her make up was simple but bold; thick black smudged eyeliner and vivid pink blush. Even if someone from school came in, she didn't think they'd even recognize her, or at least Joss hoped they wouldn't.

She tapped her fingers absently to the music and glanced around the room, in an hour this place would be empty and she would be on her way home. Gus, her boss, had given her the closing shift again tonight and that was just peachy with Joss. Closing shifts were the best, she got to rock out all she wanted when she was alone, and when she closed she always got to be in control of all the music choices, the later it got the more it strayed from popular pop tunes to her own little dark-sided rock club.

Her gaze took in around her, as kids shouted, argued and laughed. She noticed a tall male figure bobbing in and out of the larger machines near the front and frowned at the uncanny unfamiliarity of another adult here so late. It looked like they were on a mission, looking for someone. Joss watched them for a moment, trying to gain any more knowledge but the dinginess and stark neon lights blurred their features into only outlines and silhouettes. She knew it wasn't Mark, her co-worker, because he had buzz cut short hair, and she could just about tell this guy had long hair. Besides, she knew Mark was out back, throwing out some trash. Maybe it was an older guy lumbered with babysitting his kid sibling? She shrugged it off and quickly went about her work, changing coins, making slushies and nasty lukewarm hot dogs, and exchanging tickets for prizes.

At that particular moment Joss was searching in the low back cupboard for a cheap plastic watch some kid had won, when a deep smooth voice startled her, and she bumped her head against the shelving, making her let out a string of curse words under her breath.

"Can I get a slushie?"

Joss glanced up, and saw, of all people, Billy Hargrove, standing at the counter.

She eyed him for a second with suspicion but quickly found her customer service voice. "Sure, just give me one minute." Her hand closed around the tacky watch and she brought it over to the eagerly waiting kid. "Here you go," she said, taking the tickets from him. "Enjoy."

She closed her eyes for a second before turning to address him, regaining her calm; she hated dealing with her peers at the best of times, but this was her private space, he shouldn't be here, out of sight out of mind was her best policy.

When she turned and opened her eyes he was still there, leaning his elbow lazily against the counter, his eyes fixed upon her, fingers fidgeting with an unlit cigarette, his brow arched in a quizzical and provoking fashion. "Slushie?" he repeated.

"What flavour?" Joss asked, trying not to take any notice, if felt like he was mocking her with his mere presence.

He placed the cigarette between his lips and grinned a little too wolfishly for Joss' liking. He lit it with a flick of his silver lighter, took a draw and blew out the smoke in a white cloud. "Cherry," he said, licking his lips slightly, not dissuading Joss of the notion of a hunter tracking its prey.

"Cherry it is." Joss turned and put all her attention on the machine as it slopped out half frozen ice and cherry flavoured syrup into a plastic cup. She shoved a straw in the top and turned to him. "One dollar fifty." Joss held out her hand expectantly for the money, and after rummaging around in his tight jeans pockets for a moment he pushed the coins into her palm.

"Daylight robbery," he said, taking the drink, removing the cigarette from his mouth and sucking a little on the straw. He jerked away as if the slushie had bitten his tongue on contact and pulled a thoroughly disgusted face. "Tastes like shit!" he said.

"Yep, they sure do," Joss said, rolling her eyes, ready to turn back to her work, but he caught her wrist in a light grip, the sudden contact shocking her into having no further witty or dismissive comeback.

"I like your bracelet," he said, running a finger across the leather and metal. "You into metal and rock? I saw you singing along to some before."

Joss felt a blush rising in her cheeks but pushed it down, had he been watching her? The word 'stalker' emblazoned itself in her thoughts in the same vivid neon that was splattered across the arcade.

"Sure, I like all kinds of music." She shrugged off his hand and his words with a cool nonchalance she didn't really feel, not wanting to engage him further in conversation, everyone in town knew Billy Hargrove was trouble.

"I like your patches too." He nodded at her jacket. "Van Halen, WASP, Mötley Crüe, Metallica, Ratt." He nodded again. "Cool bands."

"Thanks." Joss still refused to bite.

"Most girls around here don't like that kind of music." He gave her a knowing look through his lashes, flirting unashamedly with her, and Joss felt a little thrill of excitement skitter across her nerves before she could clamp it back down in an act of self preservation. She rolled her shoulders, rolling away the thrill too. He was playing with her. The rat.

Now, Joss could feel herself getting annoyed. "Is that so?" She wiped a cloth over the counter, cleaning up some of the earlier spills. "And just how many did you ask about their musical tastes, I wonder?" She knew his reputation with women was trouble too, and she wanted to make it perfectly clear she wasn't going to play along with any of his nonsense.

He grinned, showing all his teeth, and let out a low laugh. "My, my. You are prickly," he said, shaking his head. "Here I am just trying to pass some time talking to you and you're being kind of..."

"A bitch?" Joss spat, and narrowed her eyes accusingly at him.

"Hey!" He held out his hands, palms up in surrender. "I would never say that," he said, fully laughing now, his tone stating he would say exactly that if he wanted, if he wasn't feeling so charitable. "I was going to say rude." He shrugged and stubbed out his cigarette in the glass ashtray on the counter.

"What are you doing here anyway? No one your age hangs out at the arcade," Joss said, with heavy accusation, cutting right to the problem as she saw it.

"I was waiting to pick up Max, she's... my step... whatever." He faltered. "I was here to pick up my dad's wife's kid." He looked up and saw her sceptical expression. "Look, forget it."

Joss smirked, suddenly quite sadistically enjoying his discomfort. "You mean your step sister?"

Billy shook his head and looked down, laughing, but Joss could feel his marked discomfort. "No, not really." His smile seemed forced. He sighed and pushed himself back into a standing position with his hands. "But... whatever." He stretched lazily. "She isn't here, I guess she went off with her friends again."

"That's kids for you."

"But then I saw you, and I thought I'd be friendly and come say hi. I remember seeing you around school, maybe, you look kinda different though."

Joss didn't really know what to say to that. She thought, or rather hoped, she went pretty much undetected at school. She fought a moment against the urge to recoil from him for discovering her. Was he here to cause trouble? To be the bully she heard about in hushed rumours in the locker rooms? Was he really punishing her for the other day when he'd caught her staring?

"Best to keep your head down and get through the day," she finally said with another shrug, trying her hardest to play it cool.

"So, the arcade is where you can be yourself?" he asked, taking another sip of his cherry slushie before he could think better of it. He made another face and put the cup down, pushing it slightly away in revulsion.

Joss stared at him a moment, trying to figure out his game, and decided that it didn't really matter if he told anyone about her now, there was so little time left in school, so what if he did? It wasn't exactly gossip worth salivating over. If he wanted to go tell the whole school she was a loser, so be it. It would be a short death sentence.

"Things didn't go so well for me in middle school if I expressed myself too much. It's just easier to be no one, than display a target." She thought her words sounded far more confident and distantly cool than she really felt.

"So, you decided to be a secret rebel?" Billy grinned again, and this time the expression lit up his face. "A rebel that only comes out at night." Maybe it was his playful tone, or the sincere look in his eyes but Joss suddenly realized that perhaps him being here wasn't a ruse to trip her up and expose her as a complete loser to the world, maybe this was just what it seemed, a coincidence.

She found she was unexpectedly smiling back, her defences coming down just a little as she decided he wasn't here to cause trouble, just a guy looking for a way to pass a boring Friday night where he had been lumbered with babysitting duties. "Something like that, I guess," she said, and his smile widened at her tone softening to something that sounded almost friendly.

Their eyes held for a moment before the familiar hard rock melody of 'Rebel Yell' by Billy Idol coming through the speakers found their hearing, and they both couldn't contain their laughter.

Chapter Text

It quickly became a habit, late on Friday, Saturday or Sunday nights, Billy would turn up at some point, and he and Joss would spend an hour or so talking. They began to exchange rare and underground demo cassette tapes and introduce each other to bands they enjoyed. They talked about any new movies that were coming out at the cinema or video store too, finding they both had a love for horror. He claimed he was a fan of all the T&A and gory violence, while Joss loved a fun final girl, but Joss thought he liked a good feisty heroine that fought back too, just as much as all the gratuitous shower scenes.

Billy talked a lot about his love of heavy metal music, how much he enjoyed the anger in each drum beat. Joss supposed it allowed him some kind of release, just as it did for her. When life was shit, letting loose to something heavy felt like the biggest release in the entire world.

He liked to work out too, almost obsessively to her sport detesting ears, but his hard work stood testament on his body, defined muscles and strength. He also enjoyed working on cars, a skill he'd seemed forced to take up to keep his own running, not having the money to get it fixed had made learning a necessity.

Joss talked openly about her love of artwork, especially album sleeve artwork, and she could go on for a long time about symbolism, or how one band had captured the feeling of the music so well in a particular motif. He caught her a few nights drawing, but she never allowed him to see her own work, too self-conscious to allow anyone that peek inside her inner workings.

Joss surprisingly found she enjoyed the attention from such a good looking guy. Someone wanted to hang out with her with no strings attached, no "hellos" in the school hallways, no expectations of social performances around other people. It was light and easy with Billy, Joss didn't feel the usual strain of social interactions. They flirted often, it was part of his core nature, but she always managed to defuse it from going too far by turning everything into a joke, played off as if they were just teasing each other, and to his credit, he always backed off without pushing.

She got the distinct feeling that although Billy enjoyed their meetings, he was unsure why he kept coming back every weekend. Was it to talk about music or try and hook her into his latest attempt at seduction? Joss felt like he enjoyed trying to find a way in, to conquer that which seemed like a challenge, but it never really felt serious, more like a game, a bit of fun, friendly banter. When he talked about others in passing, the latest girl he was with or one of his male friends, it felt somehow detached, like each person had their own category and he knew exactly how to keep them in order, like some petty perfectionist. Joss didn't think she and their little meetings fitted quite so neatly into any of his boxes, and sometimes she felt his frustration at the situation, and he'd try and make sense of it by forcing them both into a mould he could understand. Another notch on his bedpost, an obstacle to be overthrown and routed, but Joss always managed to evade that train of thought and take them down a different path until he became relaxed and easy going again.

She shared very few actual classes with him at school and Joss always made sure her seat was in a corner right at the back anyway, barely anyone noticed her, even the teachers forget she was there half the time. She watched him sometimes, sat with all his cronies around him, the teasing he gave out to others, cruel names and suddenly kicked out legs tripping unsuspecting feet, but he never seemed to notice her, his eyes never even so much as flicking to her. That was just fine with Joss. Sometimes she even wondered if the girl she was at school and the girl he met up with at the arcade even flashed up in his brain as the same person.

Tonight it was only a little past 8pm, and Billy stood as usual, leaning on the counter in his blue stone washed jeans, white vest and denim jacket combo. A long silver spike earring with black beads dangling from one ear, the metal glinting in the unforgiving neon lights. His hair carelessly coiffed in an effortless style that spoke in subtle undertones of a little too much time taken in front of a mirror preening. He was dressed up, not single, but certainly ready to mingle, at the latest high school party Joss never even got a whiff of an invite for.

"Have you been to the new mall yet?" he asked, rolling the thick silver ring on his middle finger with something Joss would have taken for agitation in anyone else but Billy. He had an airy composure that always felt slightly aloof when he wanted to come across as cool and collected.

"Starcourt?" Joss said.

He quirked an eyebrow in silent impatient affirmation.

"Nah, Gus would kill me, the arcade there steals our customers. I'm not really the shopping, capitalist loving type either. Not my jam," Joss gave a casual shrug.

"They have a pretty cool cinema," he rolled his shoulders, still shifting his fingers against the ring.

"Hawk Theatre is good too. Or was. My parents went on their first date there when they went to Hawkins High." She looked off past him a moment, remembering something a little melancholic. "Hear they'll close soon, business hasn't been great since that big monstrosity of a mall opened. Way we'll all go eventually, big stores will be the death of small places like this."

Billy sighed like he was displeased with where this conversation was going. "Well, the mall is showing some good movies. Maybe we should go? Fright Night looks kinda fun," he queried with a raise of his brow in anticipation.

Joss huffed out a laugh, but upon seeing his serious expression remained in place, her own face became stern. "Are you serious?" She laughed again, but more through nervous anxiety than humour. "Oh okay, sure, let's go on a date and see how much we are the talk of this whole shit hole of a town by Monday, shall we?"

"I didn't say it would be a date," he smirked.

Joss gave him a disapproving look. "No, you didn't, but everyone else would say exactly that."

"Well, fuck what everyone says."

"That's real easy for you to say 'mister-do-whatever-you-want,' you wouldn't have to deal with all the gossip. I want a peaceful last few weeks, thanks." She noticed he now looked mildly pissed off and took a different needling tack. "Besides, you'd have to deal with whoever your current girl of the week is. Tammy is it? Or Gwen? Tracey? Oh, is it Steph now from one town over, cheerleader of the Pumas right? Ra-Ra Yay!" She did a half-hearted attempt at pretending she was thrusting pompoms into the air, before winking at him in a teasing jibe. "I don't think you'd find that a whole lot of fun to explain. Maybe wait until you're in between dates, hmm?" It was unkind and mocking and what stood for the usual banter that passed between them on a regular basis, in defusing anything even encroaching upon romantic territory.

He glared at her and Joss felt taken aback by the sudden anger now rippling across his normally nonchalant features.

"Is that what you think I am? Some guy that goes about using girls?"

Joss regained herself, stung by his unexpected indignation. "Isn't that what you do? You always have a new girl pulling at your cuff sleeve every week!" She pushed back twice as hard, she wasn't wrong. He circled through girlfriends the same way he circled through tapes, maybe playing the same one a few times, a favourite song given another roll, but he always moved on to something exciting and new.

He pointed an angry finger in her direction. "It's a two way street!" he spat, his blue eyes flashing with emotion. "They use me just as much as I use them, they don't have time to deal with..." His anger seemed to deflate from him like air escaping a balloon, and a flicker of panic crossed his features for a split second, so fast Joss wasn't sure she'd seen it at all.

"What?" Joss crossed her arms in cool disdain, waiting for him to continue, but he remained silent, his body language becoming more and more uncomfortable and hostile by the second. "What don't they have time to deal with?" she pushed, and knew her voice still sounded contemptuous, that Billy 'king keg' Hargrove had anything to truly 'deal' with, other than girls throwing themselves at his feet, and guys thinking he was the coolest thing since outdoor swimming pools on a hot August day.

He looked back at her, angry again. "Forget it!" With that he turned on his heel and walked off in his normal confident strut, as if they hadn't even just had heated words at all.

"Billy!" She called after him but he either couldn't hear her over the music, or pretended not to. "Jesus," she mumbled under her breath in the sudden silence, "dramatic much?"

Joss had nearly finished her nightly clean up. She switched off the last few remaining arcade machines, silencing the noise they made, now all that could be heard was the music pumping through the speakers. She quickly recognized it as the song she'd first heard blasting out of Billy's car a few weeks ago, the Scorpions' 'Rock You Like A Hurricane'.

It bothered her how he'd just walked out like that without even a gesture of goodbye. She'd never seen him lose his cool before. What the hell was eating him? Maybe something had happened at school, or home, or maybe Joss didn't really know him as well as she liked to assume?

"He seemed really mad," she whispered to herself, as she began to brush up the candy wrappers and dirt from the floor.

It made her feel like shit, to know he was mad at her. Honestly, she really enjoyed their time together. He wasn't the guy she saw at school, the guy that started fights for seemingly no reason, and let his hands wander a little too liberally with his latest girlfriend, in full view of teachers, just to cause a flagrant scene. It wasn't that she thought he was a nice guy, she'd seen him being a complete dick on many occasions, but when he was in the arcade, he was relaxed and cool; not a different person, just a person she could get along with. It felt nice to talk so casually about things she was passionate about.

So, what had made him flip like a switch? Again the thought swam around her head like a persistently dumb goldfish, maybe she really didn't know him that well? Maybe he was putting up a front with her just as much as she did with other people? Jeez...

What was the point in dwelling on it? He'd come back or he wouldn't, it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of life. She shrugged as she began sweeping again, dancing along to the beat of the music as she worked. Softly she began singing along to the lyrics and soon she was dancing with the broom handle as her partner as she dipped and swayed along, taking her mind off the situation as the song continued.

"I didn't know you were that big of a Scorpions fan?"

She dropped the broom in fright as she turned, her heart feeling like it was ready to leap out of her throat. "Shit!" she screamed as Billy began to laugh. "You scared the shit out of me!" She walked purposefully up to him and pushed his shoulder, annoyed, but also thoroughly relieved to see him. Her lacklustre attack just made him laugh more.

"I would say I'm sorry, but it was pretty special seeing that dance." He raised his eyebrows as he teased, making Joss push him again before she retreated back to the broom and picked it up.

"Yeah, yeah," she dismissed with a threatening wave of the broom head. "Only one show a day, so laugh it up while you can, chuckles." She eyed him warily. "What are you doing back here anyway?" She tried her best not to make it sound like an accusation.

He shifted, that uncomfortable energy still clinging to him. "I just wanted to check you closed up okay."

"That's a first," Joss scoffed, sweeping the pile of dirt into a dustpan and pouring it into a trash can nearby. "Okay, so," she sighed heavily and turned to face him, "I feel weird, the way we left things before." Never one to mince words, Joss got straight to the awkward point.

Billy gave her a strange look, somewhere between mocking and annoyed, that she couldn't really read.

"I'm not going to apologize because I don't know what I did to piss you off. But can we just forget it?" she continued.

"Sure," he said, shifting again, a contained roll of his shoulders dismissing the tension. "You nearly finished up?"

"Yeah, just have to turn out the lights. Why?"

"You wanna go for a ride?"

It was Joss' turn to feel suddenly uncomfortable. "With you? In your car?"

Billy laughed and gave her a mocking raise of both eyebrows. "That is normally what 'going for a ride' means."

Joss rubbed the back of her neck lightly, anxiety and excitement jumping between her nerves. "I don't know."

"Look, it's like nearly nine thirty, everyone's on the other side of town at some shitty pool party. No one is going to see us together if that's what's worrying your one track mind." He walked towards her and took the dustpan from her hands, laying it on the counter in an act of finality on the matter. "I have a killer tape in my car, I thought you might like to hear?"

"How come you didn't stay at the party?" she asked, suddenly enjoying how close he was, even though his cologne was eye-wateringly overpowering.

Billy flashed her that same smile that lit up his whole face, he tilted his head in a way Joss knew meant he was unabashedly flirting. "I wanted to go for a drive," he said, and motioned for her to hurry up.

Chapter Text

Joss locked the door, leaving the arcade morosely silent and devoid of all lights. She put the keys in her jacket pocket and slowly followed the form of Billy into the now deserted parking lot, towards his dark blue Camaro, the click of her heels against the asphalt sounding far too loud in the sudden stillness of the night. Joss couldn't help noticing how the car was all sleek lines and bulging curves; what her dad at one point would have claimed was a 'muscle car', driven by some wise ass who liked life loud and lewd. Not someone she was meant to get mixed up with if she wanted to remain invisible, this car's whole purpose was to draw attention.

Billy unlocked the car and gestured for her to get in. Joss pulled open the door with a metallic clunk and hesitated, not really knowing if this was the greatest idea she'd ever had. She was dancing with something dangerous with Billy; exposure. She glanced up into the dark sky, the soft chirping of some far off insect and the rustle of leaves all that remained on the empty roadside. What could one ride really hurt? She finally slipped into the passenger seat, feeling the cool leather upon her warm skin, and pulled the door closed behind her.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim interior, illuminated by one sparse yellow dome light on the ceiling, it was clean, almost obsessively so. No cartons of fast food or half finished cans of soda, even the ashtray was unused, pristine glimmering steel. She supposed he threw all his cigarette butts out the window, which kind of suddenly made him seem like even more of a slob.

"You keep it spotless," Joss commented, as he pulled off his jacket, threw it into the backseat and settled into the seat next to her.

"She's my baby, got to look after her." He patted the dashboard with joking tenderness. He let his fingers caress the steering wheel, all the while keeping his eyes firmly upon her, and Joss could feel herself squirm under his intense provoking amorous stare. His fingers trailed down to the ignition and with a little comedic lift of his brow, he flicked it on with a deft turn, the gesture somehow coming across as an explicit innuendo. The engine revved into sudden life as he laughed at her clear discomfort and popped a tape into the player, bringing a blast of music from the speakers as 'Lay It Down' by Ratt started, half way through the song.

Billy pushed his foot down hard, making the wheels spin and squeal in response, they stayed motionless for only a second before they shot out onto the road with a large puff of exhaust.

Joss didn't think she'd ever driven this fast and it took her a moment to loosen up and start to enjoy it. The night was so humid and warm that she and Billy rolled the windows down all the way, letting a gust of fresh air wash over them as the music urged them ever onwards, ever faster, and soon she was laughing at the sheer joy and exhilaration of feeling so free. She stuck her head out of the window and gave a whoop as the greenery of their surroundings rushed by in a blur. She heard Billy laughing, enjoying her releasing pent up emotion, before she sat back down, allowing her arm to lazily hang out the open window, the rush of air against her palm deliciously exhilarating.

"So, where are we going?" she shouted over the music.

"Somewhere we won't be found!" Billy said, with a whoop of his own.

Joss laughed and rolled her eyes. "Hope that's not lingo for you being some kind of demented serial killer," she joked, and he mirrored her own humour with a deep chuckle.

With a movement she had not been expecting, he lightly grasped her hand in his for a brief moment, she resisted the urge to flinch and draw back.

"I'm not a serial killer," he said, smiling wide and squeezing her hand reassuringly, his thumb stroking her fingers with a slow sensuality, his charm in full use. "But I have been known to leave some dead hearts behind."

Joss felt a shiver run down her spine as she realized he was teasing her, his lips barely containing a bubbling laugh. "Oh my god. You asshole!" Joss said, pushing him and making him turn the wheel a little too harshly, but he corrected it quickly, only causing them to swerve harmlessly to the other side of the empty road.

"Easy!" He looked at her, laughing, a smug grin upon his face.

"Don't pull that pick up shit on me. It won't work!" She was laughing now. "Jesus, you had me worried for a moment." She batted at him again, more playfully. "Does that line work for you often, Romeo? Because inquiring minds want to know." She pretended to be holding a mic: "Joss Tanner here for the National Enquirer, with Billy 'Heartbreaker' Hargrove, asking just what mind control you have over the common cheerleader? Is it in fact, supernatural energy? The ghost of an old romantic poet? Or something entirely more sinister?" She moved her hand over to him, waiting for an answer.

Billy scoffed out a laugh. "Sounds more like questions from the Weekly World News," he said with clear distaste, before he cleared his throat and thought a moment, a smile flickering upon his lips. "Well, Miss Tanner, I guess it's all in the eyes and hips, one look and thrust and they fall like flies. Although I have often been told my undeniable good looks are indeed, supernatural."

Joss guffawed out a laugh before relaxing back into her seat. "Sure, sure, whatever you say," she finally scoffed.

"You just haven't been around me enough to fall under the spell, you will, you'll see," he said, still grinning, and Joss couldn't really tell if he was carrying on the joke or not.

"I doubt it, I'm immune to spells, I'm a level 12 Druid... Elf... or something."

Billy gave her a confused look.

"D&D , Dungeons and Dragons, I used to play it... well, okay, I watched it being played when I was at another school for a few years, I never really got into it... but levels and different mythical beings seemed to be kind of a theme."

"Nerd shit," Billy derided with a sharp sniff.

"You're a nerd for metal and horror movies," she laughed.

"You can't be a nerd for metal and horror! That stuff is anti-nerd."

"Uh-huh," Joss said with another roll of her eyes. "Pop quiz! What traumatic event sends Karen White on a vacation in The Howling?"

Billy hesitated a moment knowing he was about to fall head first into a trap but seemed to accept his fate. "A stalker, well technically he's a werewolf too. The effects were sick as fuck, come on, that transformation! And the gore! And the naked witchy werewolf dancer, hot!"

Joss was grinning now. "What trinket does Ash give his girlfriend in The Evil Dead?"

"A necklace with a magnifying glass, weird gift." Billy was actually acting like he was enjoying himself. "That had some cool gore too, the tree scene, man, messed up!"

"The Shining, what does Danny call his special power?"

"Tony," Billy said without a beat, like he couldn't help himself.

Joss made the sound of a buzzer before he could tack on an excuse as to why it was too cool to be 'nerd shit'. "Wrong! It is actually, 'The Shining'! Answer was in the title."

"Screw you Tanner! I am not wrong! You're thinking of the damn chef dude, he calls it 'The Shining,' Danny calls it Tony."

Joss blinked, realizing she was in fact incorrect and he'd caught her out in her own game. "Well, shit," she said, crossing her arms like a moody child.

"See, no one beats me at anything. I plant, draw a charge, win every damn time," he was smiled with gleeful delight at beating her, even in this small game.

"What the hell does that even mean?"

He grinned at her like a cat that had not only discovered the cream but intended to drink every single drop.

"Oh my god!" Joss suddenly cried, pointing out of his window. "What the hell is that?!"

"What?" Billy was now half paying attention to the road and half glancing out at the scenery whizzing by, his grin dropping into a stern look of aggression "Did you see something?" His whole body seemed to bristle with sudden energy as if he'd be willing to slam on the brakes, jump out of the car, and beat the shit out of anything that even bore a slight resemblance to a threat.

"It's awful, it's a... a... Nerd!" Joss cried, her mouth open in a howl and her finger now pointing at him like Donald Sutherland in The Body Snatchers.

Something rippled across his face, his patience clearly wearing thin, and for a small moment Joss thought she'd pushed him just a little too far with her teasing. He seemed to hold onto the dogma that offense was the best defence, and he didn't like being the butt of anyone's jokes. She could see him wrestling with an emotion that could have been annoyance or outright anger, but finally he rolled his shoulders and let it flow away with the release of muscle tension. "Screw you, Tanner!" He was laughing, but his voice had a sour edge to it. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood to put up with this immature shit. If you didn't like rock and weren't kinda hot, I'd let you walk home." He seemed to find this prospect very amusing and Joss thought there was too much truth to it too.

"Kinda hot?" she raised an affronted eyebrow. "Gee, thanks."

"Don't go getting all pouty on me."

"Nice to know what my worth is to you," Joss said with a sulky re-crossing of her arms.

"Come on, Tanner, don't go all girly on me. You look like a different person at school, covered up in your Plain Jane costume. It took me three days to even realize who you were! Always sat in the back like some ghost."

Joss didn't really feel like conceding, because some of what he was insinuating was shitty, but, then he wasn't really wrong. She did deliberately cover herself at school and if she was honest, she wouldn't be sat here in this car with him, if she didn't think he was hot either.

"Rather be a Plain Jane than a nerd!" she smirked in impish delight.

"You can't be a nerd and like horror!" Billy insisted. He laughed, humour coming back into his face, that smile making him look approachable again.

Joss eyed him suspiciously, "Nerd," she mouthed.

He shook his head in laughter but said nothing more, as finally the car slowed and they pulled up into a secluded wooded area. Joss knew it was the local picnic hangout during the day, but at night the tree canopy looked like a frame for all the thousands of stars. She used to come up here in summer with her dad when she was a kid, sometimes they'd spend one night out camping further into the woods, but that was all before he left.

They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the music and rustle of trees around them as the breeze made the early summer heat feel almost bearable.

"It's so peaceful out here," Joss finally said, breaking the quiet.

"Yeah," Billy said, leaning back in his chair. "I come out here a lot. All the stress with school and... you know... family bullshit. It helps."

Joss nodded in eager agreement, "If I had a car, I'd come up here all the time too."

Billy laughed, "You should learn to drive, it's a kind of freedom."

"I didn't say that I couldn't drive. You take everything I say so literally, I said I don't have a car." She stretched a hand out into the breeze. "Must have taken you a long time to save up the money for this." She patted the car.

"It did, two jobs, one after school, and all my weekends, back in Cali."

"Bummer," Joss said, "least you got a ride though."

He nodded and put his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes in relaxed enjoyment.

She took the chance to covertly study him, her eyes grazing across his handsome face, the toned muscles of his chest and arms, it was hard for her not to feel attracted to him. Her gaze lingered upon his bicep as she noticed something she hadn't seen before, maybe because he was usually wearing his jacket in the arcade.

"When'd you get the tattoo?" She reached out, touching his shoulder with a gentle brush and his eyes opened at the contact, his gaze settling upon her, watching her with keen determination. "Pretty cheesy," she teased.

She stroked a fingertip across the inked art of a skull, its mouth open, and a cigarette seemingly floating next to it, smoke rising in a curl. It was crudely done and a little generic, but Joss still found it somehow endearing.

He touched his own shoulder in response to her words, their fingers brushing for a brief moment before Joss pulled away.

"About a month ago. I didn't think too hard about what I wanted, just something to piss my old man off, you know? So I just picked whatever from the artwork the guy had."

"Seems like a great and meaningful reason," she joked.

He didn't smile back this time.

They fell into silence again, the music making it somewhat comfortable. Joss began to realize that in reality this was the first time they'd been anywhere together other than their meetings at the arcade. What did they really have in common other than music, horror movies and escaping the expectations of those around them? Once he had driven her home and school came around, would they be like strangers all over again, each one having to perform a different part in a play of social politics? She didn't want to be seen at all, and all he wanted to do was be seen. It was swiftly becoming a confusing mess. She wanted to understand his thoughts and just what his expectations were, and maybe make her own crystal clear too.

She brought her knees up onto the seat and turned to him. "So, what are we doing?" She was curious, trying to understand, half wanting it to be something more and half wanting it to be nothing at all. Perhaps she hoped he'd echo her own thoughts, tell her he wanted the exact same thing, something that would remain the same, late night secret meetings. She felt like he had all the answers and all she had to do was ask to reveal those hidden secrets.

"Sitting in a parked car in the woods listening to music?" He laughed, his tone a little unkind.

"Don't do that," she said, frustrated, "you know what I mean."

"Having a minute of peace, does that satisfy you?"

"No," she said, crossing her arms across her chest, enjoying the feeling of goading him just a little. "I'm worried this is fast becoming something... friendship or... whatever. I'm not sure I want any of that."

"Come on. I have to deal with shit all day. Can't we just let this be what it is right now?"

"And what is it?"

He looked over at her, his fingers once again caressing the wheel. The song changed and the familiar steady pulse of 'Hysteria' by Def Leppard began, sounding like a heartbeat.

Joss wanted to tell him straight, this, whatever the hell it was, had to remain secret or it had to stop, which was probably the most sensible route, but instead she found she didn't want to form any words, what she wanted was...

She expected him to break their prolonged eye contact but he brazenly held it, and slowly he reached over, his hand coming to rest on her waist. He curled his fingers around the curve of her body and pulled her forwards, meeting her with his other hand on her shoulder.

"I don't know," he said, his hand coming to gently brush her cheek. Joss felt like her heart was matching pace with the drumbeat, and her breath felt suddenly hard to catch, but she didn't move or pull away. She just looked back into his eyes, trying to gain some reading of the man before her as his fingertips traced a deliberate path down to her neck, leaving little shocks of pleasure with each soft touch.

"Are you going to kiss me?" Joss blurted, never one for subtlety.

"Do you want me to?" Billy asked, shifting his body just a little bit closer.

He was near enough now that she could smell the mint gum he had been chewing earlier that night.

"I don't know. Maybe."

That seemed good enough for both of them and his lips found hers in a soft kiss. They parted as if both unsure if they should continue, but Joss made that choice for them, and her hands came to his neck, pulling him to her as she kissed him back. Her fingers running through his hair as her lips urged him on, their kiss deepening, tongues and hands exploring tentatively, fingertips and thumbs brushing the contours of shoulders following the curve of necks. And then her palms were pressed against his chest and she was moving, out of her seat and onto his lap. In that moment all that mattered was him, this kiss, and this feeling, all consequences forgotten in the wake of discovering each other.

His hands moved underneath her jacket, exploring the curves and lines of her body, not quite daring to go further than a light touch at first; but as their heavy make out continued his hands grew braver and one palm cupped and softly began to squeeze and knead her breast causing Joss to pant into their kisses. His other hand came to caress her backside, his touch urging her closer, pressing their bodies together in the now sweltering feeling heat of the car. His fingers lingered upon her bare leg for a moment before moving up across to her inner thigh, allowing a teasing stroke across the sensitive skin, and then he moved again and his kiss became even more intense and rough as his hand reached between her legs. At the briefest brush of contact, Joss stiffened, her mind flaring in alarm and she broke apart their kiss. Within a quick movement she had returned to her own seat, not allowing him to continue his very well versed play book of getting to third base.

Billy let out a frustrated sigh, "Seriously?" He was still panting heavily and shifted in his seat, looking very uncomfortable in his overly tight jeans.

"Seriously," Joss repeated, her own breaths hard to catch, feeling a little shocked by just how quickly everything had escalated.

Billy pushed himself back into the head rest and rested the heels of his palms to his eyes. "Fuck!" It was a harsh declaration of frustrated defeat.

"Not tonight!" Joss said, reaching for her normal tension-defusing humour, and was surprised when instead of meeting her rejection with anger or annoyance, he started to laugh too.

Chapter Text

Joss walked through the sweltering hallways of Hawkins High, late for her next class and her arms full of books. Her bag strap had decided to break again and she had no choice but to leave it in her locker and take what she could manage. Her headphones blasted out Dokken's 'Alone Again', suiting her mood today perfectly.

She rushed down the wide corridor, trying not to skid and lose her footing on the slick floor as she passed by the nearby water fountain, noticing it had been damaged and broken, the water now spouting a mini geyser into the air. A metal rod of some description lay discarded on the floor, its destruction done.

She rolled her eyes, damn idiots making trouble, she'd nearly landed on her ass thanks to some asshole juvenile delinquent's attempt to rebel against 'The Man' by smashing up a water source.

"Bravo," she thought snidely, "that'll show 'em."

She heard familiar laughter and looked in its direction, her steps slowing. Billy stood further down the hall at the next working fountain, he was taking a long drink, the water glinting off the sunlight as it reached his mouth. She noticed a nasty looking cut had split his bottom lip and as he smiled, the water that ran down his chin became pink. She didn't give herself time to focus on it, her own anxiety rearing its ugly head at the sight of him, and she wrenched her gaze away before she could see more.

"Shit," Joss said under her breath. It had been a few days since that night in the car, and of course no weekend meant no meet ups, and no chances to clear the air. She tried to control the anxious feeling that swelled within her stomach as she walked closer. Would he call out, alerting everyone that they knew each other? She recoiled at the mere thought of so many eyes boring into her and the malicious whispering that would follow.

It was then she heard the sound of feminine laughter joining his, and her eyes were drawn to the girl he had his arm casually slung around the waist of. She was flicking a little water playfully at him causing Billy to laugh, and without any subtlety he squeezed her ass.

He looked up as Joss' footsteps grew closer, finally noticing someone else was in the corridor. For a moment she thought she saw his smile falter as he recognized her, but he quickly regained it, wiping the dripping liquid from his chin as he flicked water back at his latest girlfriend with a careless toss of damp curls. Joss looked away, and without changing her stride, she passed them as the strangers they were, and continued to her class.

"Hargrove!" A stern teacher's voice boomed behind her as she reached the door. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Joss opened the door and slipped in without a backward glance.

/

Joss sat on a slightly secluded low wall and sipped at her can of cold soda distractedly, more engrossed in her book than her surroundings. School was over and the hustle and bustle around her slowly ebbed away until she was fully alone. She kept sipping and turning pages, in no real hurry to return to her empty home or the TV dinner that awaited her in the freezer. She liked walking back when the streets were quiet, when there wasn't a chance of encountering any of her peers.

The sun was bright, making her squint as she read, she tried to shield her eyes with the can but it was a pretty lacklustre and lazy attempt at shade.

She heard footsteps approaching and ignored them, hoping they'd pass on by, before she felt some respite from the glaring heat as a shadow fell over her. She took a stealthy moment to allow her gaze to take in the heavy duty, scuffed leather biker boots, with gleaming silver buckles, before allowing herself to relax, and setting her attention firmly back on the last paragraph she'd been reading.

"You reading?"

"Looks like it," she said, not looking up, already knowing it was Billy stood in front of her.

"I mean, what are you reading?"

She glanced away from her book and up at him. "War and Peace," she said, with a withering look.

He bent down and roughly closed the book, so the cover was in view. "Crabs: The Human Sacrifice." He read out the title. "What the hell!" he laughed. The cover showed a giant crab hovering over a prone, white gown-clad, large busted woman, a knife clasped in its pincer, ready to strike. "Real classy."

"Thanks," she said, pulling the book from his grasp, "I try to be well read."

He looked back towards the parking lot as if casually surveying his surroundings. "So, do you want a ride home?"

She rested the book on her thigh, giving in to the fact that she would not be reading anymore for the time being.

"Not really," she shrugged, her eyes lingering upon the cut on his lip.

He seemed to hesitate, almost looking unsure. "You wanna go for a ride?"

She shook her head, remembering quite clearly what happened the last time they took a ride.

He shifted his feet and squinted up at the harsh sunlight. "Food?"

Now that was a promising prospect over a TV dinner. "Sure," she said, getting to her feet and heaving her bag into her arms. She looked around warily. "You sure it's okay?"

He'd already turned and started to walk towards where his car was parked. "It's fine, everyone's left."

"Why are you still here then?"

He gave her a sideways glance, but continued walking, and she had to trot to catch up to him. "I got detention." He sniffed as if it was no big deal.

"What did you do this time?" she said, playing dumb.

He quirked an eyebrow at her and then smirked, catching out her little white lie. "You saw. I broke the water fountain, remember?"

Joss rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I saw," she relented. "Did the act of violence on the poor defenceless fountain make you feel better about your day?" she said dryly, and nudged him with her elbow. "How much trouble are you in?"

He laughed but didn't falter in his steps. "It's fine, Trish covered for me, they couldn't prove I did it. We both said some freak stoner kid did it. So, it was just a warning and a phone call to my old man about 'not being proactive when seeing destruction on school property', or some bullshit." He glanced at her again, a smile coming to only one side of his lips, the side without the cut. "Thanks for not ratting me out."

"Me?" Joss laughed, "I'm not really the type to rat you out."

"Yeah, I know, but..." he didn't finish and shrugged instead.

"Why'd you do that? Smash it? Did it squirt you in the eye? Grievous bodily harm?" she needled, a sly smirk on her lips.

He shook his head and looked down, his body seemingly suddenly tense and his manner detached, his dark blond curls falling into his face as he laughed disingenuously. "Someone pissed me off. I break things when I get mad."

Joss looked at him, bemused by the sudden iciness in his demeanour. "Good to know. Remind me not to lend you any of my tapes when you're having a moment."

As they got to the car he pulled a tape out of his pocket. "Speaking of, I got this the other day." He popped it in and the music came flooding out in waves of hard rock as Tygers Of Pan Tang's 'Hellbound' boomed out its frantic rhythm.

She let the bag drop in the footwell as she sat down, her feet tapping along to the music. "Cool," she said, after a moment had passed.

"What's the deal with your bag anyway?" He pointed down to her old book bag.

"It broke a while ago, I'm just too cheap to buy a new one." This made him laugh.

/

They ended up at an old truck stop diner on the outskirts of town. Two burgers and two malt shakes later, they were back in the car and driving aimlessly around for a while, letting the music do most of their communicating.

"If we drive over to the mall now, we can catch the last screening of Fright Night," Billy finally said, looking out his windscreen as if the stars were telling him this information, passing off the suggestion as a nonchalant comment.

"You really want to go see it, huh?" Joss said, smiling at his attempt of asking her again without actually asking.

"Sure, a menacing vampire next door, what's not to love?" he grinned.

"Something you aspire to be?" Joss quirked an eyebrow and he let out a deep chuckle. "Okay," she relented, "why not, it's dark, no one will see us if we sit at the back. In and out, covert operations, right?"

"Right," he echoed. "Ah, the back seats, notorious make out central," Billy said with a knowing nod. "I see what you're doing Tanner, trying to get my blood pumping at a horror movie so I'll get all scared and jump right into your lap."

"You wish!" Joss scoffed.

"Wish? Nah, I'm a total gentleman," he said, sounding highly offended and Joss burst into laughter.

"You are a lot of things, Hargrove, but a gentleman is not one of them."

"Ouch!" he said, before letting out a deep laugh that quickly turned into a mimic of Dracula's menacing cackle. "Hey," he said, once he deemed she'd rolled her eyes and laughed at his joke enough to satisfy, "I'm twice the gentleman of some guys out there. Stacy told us there was some college guy she went on a date with to the movies, and he cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn and stuck his..." His speech faltered as he realized Joss was looking at him with a judgmental and quizzical look, one eyebrow raised in expectant chiding, and he seemed to lose all his steam. "Well, his..."

"Penis?" Joss finished, with another raise of her brow, and watched, highly amused, as he dissolved into a fit of giggles. "Jesus, remind me not to say any medical terms to you," she said, having a hard time containing her own amusement, so she glanced out of the window to hide her smile.

"You just say it so seriously, no one but a science teacher calls it a..."

Joss turned back, determined to keep a straight face and deadpan delivery. "How about dick then?" She watched as he tried not to laugh again.

"Better," he said after a moment, with a firm nod and a clearing of his throat. "Anyway, the story right? It's all dark, movie's playing, and Stacy is rummaging about in all that popcorn, and there is a little surprise, if you catch my drift? Erect and happy to meet her."

"Eww!" Joss pulled a disgusted face, looking thoroughly aghast that this event had ever taken place. "What happened? Tell me she at least slapped him?"

Billy took a few exaggerated chews of his gum before looking over at her. "Nah, Stacy? She gave him a quick handy!"

"What? You're bullshitting me! Right there in the cinema?"

"Back seats." Billy flicked his brow in a knowing expression.

"Interesting friends you have."

"Some girls just aren't that uptight about that kinda stuff." He shrugged, turning his full attention to the the road.

"Is that a dig that I'm uptight?"

"Nah," he said, giving her a hint of a mischievous smile. "Just different views, maybe."

Joss felt it had indeed been a dig and he was calling her a prude in a roundabout way.

"Different standards," she muttered under her breath, and heard Billy laugh at her attempt at defending herself. "Besides," Joss continued, "it sounds like complete bull, like an urban legend. You sure Stacy wasn't feeding you a line to keep everyone interested and tantalized?"

He glanced over at her and Joss could see his mind working. "Maybe, Stacy isn't known for being a pillar of truth."

"Ah, see, urban legend! No way a guy's... thing would just be... like that in a bucket of popcorn. I call bull."

"Still a good story." Billy said.

They pulled into the parking lot of Starcourt Mall. Joss hadn't actually been to it before, and she took in the massive building in a strange kind of terrible awe. It loomed into the sky like it had thrust itself out of the earth, from some commercialized pit of hell. From the amount of cars dotted around the parking lot, it seemed few shared her views.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Billy said, seeing her expression.

"Sure, if you like mega corporations taking over every small town and turning them into soulless husks."

"Shut up, Tanner," he said, shaking his head in dismissal.

They made their way into the gleaming building, everything looking shiny and plastic and perfect, neon lights in every store window, shoppers drifting around like spectres even at this late hour, and Joss shivered.

"Just like Dawn of the Dead," she grimaced.

Billy glanced towards where her gaze was set and nudged her with an elbow. "Best place to be during an apocalypse," he said, grinning, and then seemed to think better of the expression as his lip pained him.

Joss felt like she should say something, ask him how he'd got it, but found the words remained somewhere deep in her chest, sensing the can of worms that would be unleashed once she did. They didn't stand on any kind of solid ground with each other as it was, getting in any deeper on a personal level felt like a big mistake.

She didn't allow herself to dwell on it and followed him along the wide hallways. They entered the cinema foyer and found it deserted apart from a few staff. Joss insisted on getting their tickets, so while she paid, Billy went to the concession stand and bought a bucket of popcorn and two drinks which Joss suspected cost way more than the entrance fee.

They were led into the dark theatre by one of the ushers, holding a torch to light their way. Their seats were at the back, but slightly off centre. The screen was probably one of the biggest Joss had ever been in, and after removing her jacket she settled into her red plush seat with a soft sigh. Billy passed her a cup of soda and she took a quick sip before placing it into the holder. She glanced at how full the place was and was more than pleased that, although not empty, people seemed to gather in the middle, leaving the last three rows of seating completely unoccupied.

The trailers finished and the movie began, rolling a very atmospheric intro of what sounded like an old vampire movie from the 1960s. By the time the real vampire had been introduced, along with a sensual synthesized score and squealing guitars, Joss was fully hooked. She wasn't scared, but thoroughly seduced; for the first time Joss could understand the allure of actually wanting to be bitten by a vampire.

She felt Billy slip a hand around her shoulders and allowed it. His dangling fingertips trailed a light touch across her exposed shoulder and upper arm, sending small shivers across her skin. She knew if he tried for more now, she'd probably allow it, a passionate kiss or a frantic fumble in the dark, she could be game for both. But for a while he seemed as caught up in the movie as she was, languidly continuing his little path of circles against her shoulder, making her inwardly squirm in growing discomfort and unease by just how stirred up this situation was making her feel. Joss was very aware of his body, pushed close against her shoulder, the weight of his arm across her back, the shallow rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his deep musky cologne, and the sharper scent of his denim jacket mingled with the sweet and salty tang of the popcorn.

She half watched the movie while she snuck little secret looks at him, seeing how his face changed with each new plot reveal and line of dialogue, how he licked his lips ever so slightly as the vampire bit into the heroine's skin and blood ran in two thin rivers down her naked back.

Despite the coolness of the air con, Joss began to feel a little too warm, she could feel perspiration gathering at the small of her back as her whole body prickled with lapping waves of growing desire. Her heart fluttered within her chest and seemed to set off a steady swell of floating pressure within her stomach. All she really wanted to do in that one moment was reach out, grasp his face in both her hands and kiss him until they both couldn't see straight. But instead she crossed her legs, quelling the pressure with force, and shifted in her seat, pushing away the insistent cravings to touch him, and focusing back on the movie.

After a few moments of coercing herself not to think about the guy sat right beside her, the tension seemed to ebb away as the story sucked her back into the fantasy of the movie, and she reached for her drink, taking a long sip of the icy soda.

At Joss' movement Billy subtly shook the popcorn gently towards her in a silent question of if she wanted any. Joss decided eating something that tasted like stale buttered cardboard was exactly what her unsettled stomach needed, and she reached out her hand, searching a moment for a good handful, and that's when she felt it. Something that felt silky, soft, slightly warm, and a hell of a lot like skin. It was a long shaft of... Her fingers froze as her mind tried to comprehend exactly what she was touching and realization flew into her mind.

In a state of complete panic Joss let out a small shriek of shock and moved fast to pull herself out of the situation, and in her flailing, up ended the popcorn bucket and her soda in one motion, allowing all the contents to spray onto the floor, barely missing soaking her and Billy through. Without waiting to address all the curious eyes in the cinema that flew to see what all the commotion was about, she snatched up her jacket and she ran, clumsy and blind in the darkness, bumping into seats and only just keeping her footing on the shallow stairs leading to the doors out of the screen. She could feel all the stares right on her, despite her effort to shield herself with her jacket, and fear flared within her chest, making it feel suddenly hard to breathe. She burst out of the doors into the foyer, eyes darting for a way to quickly leave without drawing even more attention.

Before she could take a single step a hand was around her upper arm, preventing her from fleeing further. She turned, violently shaking off Billy's touch, almost ready to slap him if she needed to.

"Calm down, Tanner!" he said, clearly a little freaked out by what he obviously deemed as her complete overreaction to the situation.

"You..." Joss huffed, trying to catch her breath, "you fucking asshole!"

How could he have put her in that position, right in public, when he knew she always tried to go under the radar? Their agreement had been that they'd get in and out without drawing any unnecessary attention, and he'd tried to take advantage of her! Perhaps he thought she'd just give in rather than make a scene? That he could use her for a quick bit of satisfaction? The rat bastard!

"I am, but not for what you think." He was grinning and Joss felt her hackles rise. "It's a hot dog." He held out the popcorn bucket, and nestled within on the remaining clouds of popped kernels, Joss saw the form of a chunky, wet, limp looking hot dog. "I thought it'd be a good joke."

"Not funny!" Joss said, pushing against him hard but barely making him flinch a step. She felt her muscles release from the clenched tension of fear and defense they'd so recently been forced into, and wanted to allow herself to feel the relief of it, but she was still far too angry.

"Come on, it was a little bit funny. Your face." He laughed, and then winced as his lip stung him. "I couldn't not, after you looked so scandalized by the whole idea of it in the car." He waggled the form of the hot dog at her and it promptly broke in two, one half falling back into the bucket with a soft thud. He shrugged and tossed it into the nearby trashcan. "I didn't think you take it so seriously."

"Not funny," Joss repeated, her hand balling in and out of a fist as if ready to slug that smile right off his stupid face. "You pull anything like that again and I'll... I'll..." She couldn't think of exactly what she'd do, telling him she'd go home and never see him again felt like something a grumpy child would say on the playground.

"You'll what?" he said, his face no longer holding any humour. "Get me back?" He walked very slowly towards her and Joss instinctively backed up a step, her prey meter suddenly spiking hard. Was this another joke or was he being serious? She couldn't read him. "You should," he said, and he sounded menacing.

Joss looked him up and down, trying to figure out what new game this was, but before she could move or say anything he'd grabbed her around the hips and pulled her off the ground, spinning her once before placing her softly back on her feet against the nearby wall.

"Do you realize how much trouble you've caused me?" Billy's voice became deep and pricked at Joss' memory. "Spying on me. Almost disturbing my sleep this afternoon. Telling policemen about me!"

Joss hit him on the shoulder with a flat palm, knowing now he was quoting the vampire's dialogue from the movie they'd just watched. "Still not funny!"

"But, I'm going to give you what I never had," his hand came to her cheek, caressing it softly, thumb pad skimming across her jawline, "a choice!" He then made a theatrical hissing noise and moved his head down towards her neck, teeth exposed.

Joss felt his teeth graze against her skin and shivered, despite the ridiculousness of the situation. But instead of biting her, he placed a soft sensual kiss against the curve of her throat, before coming back up and discarding the charade with a winning smile.

"You... asshole," Joss breathed, still not fully ready to let go of her anger and forgive him just yet.

He pulled back with a muffled laugh and nodded his head towards the exit sign. "Come on, I'll take you home. Don't think we can go back in after that performance." He imitated her panicked exit with a high pitched squeal and Joss batted at him in displeasure.

"Asshole," she breathed.

"You need to find some other words to say." He smirked, quite pleased with himself. "Besides, you didn't really think I'd do something like that, right?"

"I don't know," Joss said, narrowing her eyes at him. "I'm not fully sure just what you're capable of yet."

He let out a laugh as if this gratified his ego a little. "If anyone should be upset here, it's me, that you thought for one second a hot dog even compared to me." He flashed her one of his smug half smiles and winked playfully.

Joss made a sound of scoffing dismissal but before she could come back with a witty insult he grabbed her hand and began to lead them back through the mall.

Chapter Text

Joss hadn't said a word since they'd got back into the car, too lost in her own thoughts as annoyance slowly ebbed away into gnawing self doubt, and the music did its best to help patch up the slightly awkward atmosphere. Maybe just leaving everything hanging after their car ride and their heavy make out at the weekend had given him the wrong impression? Or maybe not addressing it had left a lot of pent up teenage hormones, but whatever it was, she had to come at it head on now, to make her position clear... Whatever her position was, she wasn't even sure what she really wanted in all this. She still wanted him, as a friend, maybe more; but not as a boyfriend. She didn't want to go to weekend parties with him, or be seen out and about by her peers. She didn't want anything public... but then, what did she want?

"So, about... the other night," she began.

He took his eyes off the road to look at her for a moment before slowly going back to focusing upon driving, almost as if he didn't really care what she had to say, but she knew he was still paying attention.

"I don't want things to get, you know, weird, between us.. I kinda like just hanging out with you sometimes."

She saw he was trying not to smile at her clumsy tackling of the uncomfortable subject. "Well, me too, I guess," he said, wetting his lips, and to Joss the gesture came off as mocking.

"I just don't want things to go bad, you know? You get in too deep with some people and it all goes to shit."

This time when she looked over his expression was harder, irritated. "By some people, I guess you mean people like me, right?" He spat the words out, and Joss saw his hands tightening on the wheel, his anger able to flare as quickly as gasoline poured on an open flame.

"You're taking my words all wrong again, Billy. All I mean is, sometimes going from friends to... that... it can cause a lot of shit."

He eased his foot off the gas and the car slowed. "Is that what we are, friends?" His hands flexed on the wheel.

"Maybe," was all Joss could manage.

"I mean," Billy said, gripping the wheel again, trying to restrain his growing frustration with the conversation, "is that all you want?"

"I don't know," Joss said, honestly, "it's all moving way too fast."

He nodded, but his expression was one of resentful scepticism.

"Look," Joss said, distracting him; she pointed up to the sky. "See how big that moon is? Werewolf moon." She grinned and raised her eyebrows twice to enthuse her attempt at lifting the tension.

He laughed lowly, and she was sure he was still irritated with her, but his expression was now tolerant.

"I know a place we can get a good view," he said, and without waiting for her to reply he put his foot down and they set off in a different direction.

/

They pulled up to the old ridge, a small sheer cliff left over from quarrying. Sometimes kids came up here to make out, but at least tonight they were lucky enough to have the place to themselves.

Billy pulled out an old blanket from his back seat and spread it across the hood of his car. He gave her a warning look. "You scratch her and you're dead," he said, pointing a reprimanding, but playful finger at her.

"Okay, okay," Joss said, holding up her hands in defeat, and removed her boots before sliding herself onto the blanket, Billy soon joined her.

"See," he said, over the low muffled sounds of the music still playing through the open car windows. "It's a great view."

Joss sighed, it really was. The moon looked somehow bigger and brighter from this vantage point.

They sat in silence for a good while, just letting the night breeze wash over them. Joss tried not to linger upon the very real possibility that he had probably brought a lot of girls up here, she was just one in a line of many.

"So," Billy said, making her turn slightly to him at the sound, "did you not want to, the other night, because..." He looked uncomfortable, his gaze met hers and he seemed to lose what he was about to say.

"Because?" Joss pushed, knowing exactly what he meant, but enjoying teasing him.

When he was alone with her he didn't always act like the over-confident, perfect-seeming jerk she saw at school. Joss had to admit, she'd watched him a little more lately in the classes they did share, and he never seemed to hesitate or be uncertain, like he knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. Nothing daunted him, everything came easy and smooth to Billy Hargrove, but now, here in this one intimate casual moment she could feel him waver. Maybe she could rattle him just a little? It seemed a ridiculous idea that Billy would be fazed by anything at all, but here he was, his speech faltering as if his charm had been put on temporary pause.

When he didn't answer she continued, letting him off the hook. "It wasn't for any reason other than I just didn't want to." She turned her face back up to the moonlight.

"Huh," he said, and went quiet for a moment. "I just thought, maybe, you know, you seemed so uncomfortable with all the talk about more advanced relations, I thought maybe..."

Joss turned back to him, half annoyed that he kept interrupting the moment, but thoroughly amused by this line of awkward conversation. "Advanced relations? What?!" she laughed.

"Well, if I was going to be the one to, you know, to..." He thought for a moment, searching for a word. "Deflower you, I should know." He coughed, trying to play it off as a suave move, and turned his own face to the sky.

Joss crumpled into uncontrollable laughter. "Oh dear god," she wheezed. "Did you just say 'deflower'?" She tried to take in a breath but just ended up laughing more as a slight pink tinge touched his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was sitting here with Conan The Barbarian!" She tried to gain herself back from the laughter and took in some deep breaths, as he watched on, trying not to give in to her infectious amusement. "I am here to deflower you!" she said, in a terrible attempt at an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.

"Screw you," Billy said, now laughing too, unable to resist the comedy of the situation. He also had a flushed look to his face, but Joss didn't think it was only from the effort of laughing.

It took a good few minutes for her to become somewhat composed again. She wiped at her eyes and let out a few pathetic huffs. "Thanks," she said, with a warm smile, "I really needed that laugh."

"I intended it all along," he drawled lazily, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

"I don't think you're as smooth as you think you are." She nudged him with her foot.

"Most girls," he said, still shaking his head and smiling, "they don't really want to talk about anything other than school gossip, or when we're going to make out next, or what party we can show each other off at. It's different with you."

"Most girls - meaning the small pool you fish from?" She raised her brow at him. "Maybe you need to widen your horizons?"

He laughed, but this time it was a little forced and irritated. "I just mean, usually I don't have to talk about this stuff. Making out, it just happens. Talking about this stuff with you feels weird, like you're one of the guys... but obviously, you are a girl."

"Obviously. Gee," Joss said with a huff of breath and roll of her eyes. "Thanks, I think?"

"I can talk to you on the level about other stuff, so this just feels kinda weird. That's all I mean."

Joss laughed and gave him a withering look. "The true horror is finding out girls are actually human too!" She waggled her fingers at him while humming the Twilight Zone theme music.

"Screw you," he said, nudging her with a well placed elbow.

Joss knew she was being a bit of a jerk to him. He was trying to be honest and open, but her own inability to deal with heavy subjects always made it easier to turn any conversation into something comedic.

They were quiet again, listening distractedly to the soft waves of music.

"No," she finally said, not looking at him.

"No, what?" he said, laughing. "Always so damn cryptic. If it wasn't for your taste in music I really would just dump you on the side of the road and let you walk home, Tanner," he teased.

"I'm not cryptic, you just don't listen." She nudged him again. "The answer to your question is no."

He furrowed his brow. "What question?"

She sighed and shifted onto her side, resting her weight on her elbow so she could support her head with her hand and look at him directly. "You were asking if I was a virgin, right?"

He smiled wolfishly and chewed a little too dramatically on his gum. Joss thought he was caught off guard by frankness, but didn't want to show it.

"So, no, I'm not. You don't have to worry about the responsibility of being my first. Or whatever."

He laughed, turning his head towards the sky, the action making his earring dance. "Or whatever."

"Not that I'm saying that is even going to happen, so don't get any grand ideas," she chided.

He nodded with a cool dismissive air. "Okay. So when did you..."

She kicked him a little harder this time. "None of your damn business!" Joss turned onto her stomach, picking at the stray fluff she found on the blanket. "I don't ask you about how many girls you've done the tango with."

"The tango?" he taunted, laughing and shaking his head. Joss sent a glare his way. "Okay, okay, I see a change of subject is needed." He seemed to consider his next words carefully. "Tell me a secret, then at least I have some blackmail material on you for later." He couldn't keep a straight face and dissolved into a low chuckle. "I'm kidding, but still... tell me? I feel like I hardly know anything about you."

"You're one to talk!" she shot back, but then thought for a moment and her face lit up in delight. "Sometimes, when I'm alone..." she said, drawing out each word so it was twice as long as it needed to be, "and I'm in the shower... all soapy and wet..." She traced a hand sensually down her neck.

She saw him shift a little closer, hoping for some juicy titbit; he licked his bottom lip slowly in anticipation.

"I replace all the guitar solos in songs with meows!" she said, grinning widely as his face fell in disappointment at her so called confession.

"What!? No!" he said, indignantly. "Not something weird, you freak!" He nudged the back of her calf with his toe and they both laughed. "Come on, I'm asking you to be serious. Why'd you get the heebie jeebies about being noticed by anyone at school, the cinema too?"

"Heebie jeebies?" she questioned with a quirk of her eyebrow. "I didn't know this was 'Hawkins does Grease'."

He rolled his eyes and didn't reply, cornering her with his question, and a raise of expectant eyebrow.

Joss pressed her lips together, wondering just how much she wanted to tell him. She hadn't really spoken about her life for a long time, but for some strange reason she found she really wanted to, now, with him. Maybe because no one had ever asked her before. "Okay." She took in a deep breath and sat up, looking at the clear, dark blue, velvet sky above them.

"Serious. I can do that." She paused for a long moment as a sudden welling of want bubbled within her to let it all out, it was almost overpowering.

"When I was a kid, I thought my dad was the whole moon. Just the light, you know? Just everything. We did everything together." She paused for a few seconds, waiting to see if he'd interrupt and bring an end to the path this conversation was going down, but he didn't. "My mom was having affairs and stuff, so she was busy a lot," she said, with mock nicety. "And my dad was my world, for a while. Then, he found some guy's phone number in her pocket and it all came out. They started fighting, physical sometimes, it was a mess. It's all they'd do, every time they were in the same room for longer than five minutes, and after a while, my dad, he just got this look."

She closed her eyes, suddenly fighting back unwanted and surprising tears. "This look, that was just full of disappointment - but not when he looked at my mom, only when he looked at me. Like he wished I didn't exist, like it would be easier if I was gone." She quickly caught an escaping tear with the palm of her hand and wiped it off her cheek, trying her best to disguise it.

She heard Billy shift behind her and hoped he hadn't seen her cry, she didn't dare turn to look at him, afraid he'd see any emotion on her face. She took a moment of silence to try and gauge just what his reaction would be, but again he remained quiet.

"I was eleven years old. Me being me, the mouth that just speaks, I asked him, 'Hey Dad, do you still love me?'" She paused, taking a deep breath, anger overtaking the tears. "He said... sometimes. Fucking 'sometimes'! Every time I looked him in the eyes I saw that 'sometimes', I saw the disappointment that it wasn't easy for him to just leave, because of me and what I meant, his god damn shackles." She pulled her knees up to her chest, trying to comfort herself. "I tried to find something else to love for a while, and I found rock music, and I just immersed myself in it. Started to dress like them kinda, the bands, I bet I looked like a real freak. I wanted to belong somewhere I guess."

Billy let out a low breath but didn't speak.

"The kids at school thought that was exactly what I was, a freak. So they'd play pranks on me and get me in trouble. Like real shitty mean stuff, and my dad got mad at me over that too, he said I was 'looking for attention'. Not one adult believed me."

Billy let out a small chuffing noise of sympathy, half laugh, half scoff, and Joss felt like he had reached out and physically hugged her. Jesus, was she really that starved of sympathy? She felt pathetic.

"So, instead, I started trying real hard to be invisible. I avoided him, I avoided my mom, I tried to avoid the kids at school, and I just became a ghost in my own home, hardly glimpsed, because me, a damn little kid, wanted to make it easier for him to finally just leave and have his own life."

"That's rough," Billy said, lowly behind her, "some people just shouldn't have kids."

Joss nodded. "It was just easier to live like that then. But the kids at school didn't stop. I ignored all the mean comments and body checks in the hallways, but it didn't make them stop, it just made them try harder. One day they pushed me down the stairs. I don't know if it was a prank gone too far, or if they really wanted to hurt me. I hit my head and was out cold for a few minutes. The teacher thought I'd die because there was just this pool of blood, turns out scalps bleed a lot... but no lasting brain damage, or so the doctors said."

Billy took in another deep breath. "Do you think it was on purpose?"

Joss stilled a moment and finally nodded.

"That's messed up," he said, with a hiss of unamused laughter.

"After that, my parents decided I needed a new start, so when my dad left for California, he took me with him."

"You lived in Cali?" Billy asked, surprised. "Where?"

Joss nodded but didn't answer his question directly. "I went to school there for nearly five years, right when being a teenager hit and I couldn't keep up the pretense of being nobody with him. I was his kid and he didn't believe me, or fight for me, or even care... How could I trust him after that? We fought a lot, like screaming matches, and he even said once, he wished I wasn't there. So, I ran away, onto the streets for 48 hours. I'm lucky I didn't have anything bad happen to me I guess, but the town my dad lives in is pretty small and sleepy, cute, by-the-sea shit, so the worst I saw was some guy peeing up a shop window."

"Definitely not near where I lived then," Billy laughed. "You couldn't walk two blocks without getting held up past 9pm."

Joss could tell he was trying to make her laugh, and the gesture did make her smile.

"So, what happened?" he asked, after a few seconds of silence.

"The police found me and my dad was so angry, he'd had to miss work and his boss was pissed, threatened to fire him. So, he decided he didn't want the 'responsibility of my welfare', he sent me back here, to my mom, and I went back to being nobody with her. I guess she thought I could look after myself because she started to be home less and less."

"So, you came back to school here? Isn't Hawkins Middle School and High School pretty much the same place? How come you've not been given the name of town pariah?"

"When I came back I was sixteen, and we agreed with the school that I'd be introduced as a new Sophomore student. Nearly five years changes you a lot, I guess, and I looked really different. My hair had grown long, I'd lost some puppy fat, gotten taller, hit puberty, and no one recognized me. I used my mom's surname and went by my middle name, Josselyn, so the transformation was complete, I was someone else with a whole new life. I stayed low, kept to my lane and didn't cause any drama. It was good to be nobody, no one notices you or messes with you because no one really sees you." She rocked back slightly, glancing at him. "So, that's why I get the 'heebie jeebies'."

"That's a... well it's a story," Billy said, with what could have been taken as an unkind laugh - but Joss saw the hint of sympathy in the look he passed her when their eyes connected.

"Yeah, my life story, enjoy the information dump, it's all yours. But..." she hesitated, "keep it just yours, okay? You owe me for the Dio tape your machine chewed the crap out of, so call it even?"

"Okay, even," he said. "So, where is your dad now?"

"Still in California. Most summers my mom insists I go see him for a week, but it's awkward as hell. He tries sometimes, it's better I guess. I think part of him feels guilty, maybe?" Joss rubbed her hands against her bare legs, suddenly feeling the chill of the fast approaching early morning hours. "So, that's why I don't want us to go further, I like to go unnoticed, and being seen with you or dating you, it would be a big fucking notice," she said, looking back towards him again, hoping this whole story would make him understand.

"I never said I wanted to date you." He laughed, putting his hands behind his head, grinning up at the sky. "Jeez, your ego is huge!"

"No, you didn't. But it'd just be bad, you know?"

"For you?"

"For both of us."

"Why both of us?" he asked, almost seeming as if he was goading her with the question.

"Because you like the attention, all eyes on you, and I hate it," Joss said, trying to get him to be serious now, but he kept that mocking grin on his face, chewing his gum almost defiantly.

"No one even knows who you are, they think you're someone else," Billy sneered, dismissing her concerns.

"That's not the point. We are not a good match."

"You think you know me so well, huh?"

She kicked him lightly again, disliking the feeling of being taunted after baring a little piece of her soul. "Not well, but enough in some ways."

Silence fell again, the soft waves of guitars drifting out from the stereo.

"What about you? What's your secret?" Joss said, leaning back towards him, her hand reaching for his face, her fingertip brushing the cut on his bottom lip lightly, telling him with that small act of compassion that she knew he hadn't got it in a scuffle with one of his classmates. She was fully aware of his reputation, he knew how to fight, she'd seen it a few times in school. No one came out of a clash with Billy Hargrove unscathed, and right now his knuckles bore no tell-tale grazes or bruises of any recent conflict. He flinched away, grabbing her hand in his, preventing her going further with her pity.

"Your dad?" she asked lowly. He'd never said anything directly about it, but the way he talked about his home life and his father in general felt sour to Joss.

"I can handle myself." He rolled his eyes, laughing at her concern.

"You shouldn't have to," Joss said, her hand still grasped in his.

"Well, like I said, some people just shouldn't have kids."

"Your dad sounds like an asshole," she breathed. "Why don't you just leave?" she said, her eyes finding his.

He laughed, the sound unkind. "Where would I go? What would I live on? Think I want to break my back for a few dollars every day, just to spend it on rent and food?"

Joss felt fully rebuked, she hadn't thought about that, at least her parents still took care of her financially, even if they weren't there physically or emotionally.

"Besides, if I'm not there, he'll just get angry at someone else. It's how he is." Billy let go of her hand and looked away. "He always got angry at my mom, I had to step up or stand there and watch."

Joss nodded in understanding. "That's pretty noble, you know?"

He hissed a laugh out through his teeth, spat the gum into the bushes and pulled a cigarette out from behind his ear, igniting it with a flick of his lighter. "Noble?" he repeated, sticking his tongue out through a cloud of exhaled smoke, thoroughly amused by this notion.

"Is that so crazy?" she asked, her words drawing him back to look at her.

He shook his head, dismissing her words as foolish.

"You still see your mom?" She watched as he thumbed the silver metal medallion hanging from a chain around his neck, a religious icon of the Virgin Mary and Child etched into it.

"No," he said, sighing in impatience, that squirm of discomfort vibrating out of his being once more. "She left. I was... maybe ten. My dad drove her away, but she still decided to walk and leave me behind... And she knew, she knew what he was like, so..."

"I'm sorry."

He laughed, grinning as if he detested every syllable out of her mouth. "I don't need your damn sympathy."

"It's not sympathy," Joss protested. Billy eyed her with clear disbelief. "It's just shitty you have to go through that. It's shitty that anyone has to be hurt by what their parents do, and have to carry it with them the rest of their lives. It sucks," she finished, leaning back, not feeling so confident now.

"Yeah life sucks, what are you going to do? It is what it is." He narrowed his eyes suddenly at her, annoyed suspicion clouding his features. "I only told you this as an exchange, shitty family story for shitty family story, so it's square now. I keep your secret..." He took another drag on his cigarette but didn't finish.

Joss knew what he meant, but he made it sound so much like a threat of war. "You can trust me," she said, connecting with his eyes for a moment.

"Yeah, sure," he said, far more interested in smoking and tapping his foot in time with the music's beat.

After some time had passed he cleared his throat lowly. "It's getting late. I'll drive you home." He flicked the cigarette to the floor, jumped off the hood, and put it out with his boot heel. Not waiting for her reply, he headed back to the car, his hands shoved deep in his jeans pockets.

Joss got off the car, pulled on her boots, bundled the blanket into her arms and put it on the back seat before getting in beside Billy and closing the door. They stayed perfectly silent for a few seconds as neither moved, she could feel his displeasure. He wasn't necessarily angry, but he was resentful, of her mere presence or just the way this conversation had eventually gone, she wasn't fully sure.

"Hey," she said, finally breaking the tension, "you going to be okay?" Her eyes flicked to his injured lip.

"Like I said," he turned the key and put the car into reverse, "I can handle myself." He gave her a stern look before glancing over his shoulder and, at speed, reversing out onto the road.

Chapter Text

They pulled up on the quiet street where Joss' small two storey, two bedroom home stood in complete silence and darkness. Billy put the handbrake on and sighed deeply, the slightly uncomfortable atmosphere almost as palpable as the stagnant summer air.

"Your mom not home yet?" he finally asked with a blasé tone.

Joss glanced at him before being drawn back to the bitter loneliness of that empty house. "She never is."

"Wait, you live here alone?" She could hear his surprise.

"Not exactly," Joss said, reaching for the door handle, but then she decided against it and relaxed back into her seat. "She comes by once a month or so, stays a few days and then takes off again. Her job means she has to go to other states and stay there while she teaches classes or does TV stuff."

"Huh, so, that's why you work at the arcade, for food money and-"

"No," Joss interrupted rather bluntly, not wanting him to misunderstand and think she was in a worse position than he was at home. "She sends all the money I need, I just..." She ran out of steam and looked away, fingers fidgeting, thumbnail scraping at a rough cuticle. She set her gaze out of the window and remained silent, knowing she'd already made herself incredibly vulnerable to him tonight, to chance more felt like offering her throat out to a predator's sharp teeth.

Her gaze drifted back to him, her heart tugging slightly as he accidentally touched his injured lip while lighting another cigarette, wincing at the renewed pain, and she felt like she was being far too judgmental and unkind. Hadn't he also bared a little part of himself in return?

"How much trouble are you in, for today, I mean?" she asked, her voice was just above a whisper.

He laughed that wolfish laugh. "Shit, I have no idea. My old man will have got the call hours ago, probably sat fuming in a pile of beer bottles."

It all made sense now to Joss.; Billy seeking her out after detention and being intent on them going somewhere, anywhere. He was avoiding that last long walk before his carefree freedom was taken away, replaced by the fear of violence. He was trying so hard to hide his true feelings behind a mask of uncaring swagger, but she could see the tension in his every muscle, straining at his jawline. She felt helpless.

"Hey," Joss ventured, not really knowing if she was going to regret this later, "you want to come in? You can hide out here tonight, if you want?"

He gave her a look that she couldn't read, but not hearing a 'no' she continued. "You can pull up on the driveway." She casually pointed in the direction she meant, trying her hardest not to make this all sound like a big deal.

Slowly he rolled the car to where she indicated and cut the engine. They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither really knowing what to say, given the situation.

"Just so we're clear, this isn't an invite for us to jump into bed together." Joss broke the uncomfortable tension with her usual tactical use of a sudden brusque outburst.

He chuckled. "Hey, anywhere you want is fine by me, sofa, counter tops, I'm up for it all!" He stretched languidly.

"Stop fooling around." She began to grab up her broken bag out of the footwell.

"I wasn't the one who brought fooling around into the conversation." He gave her a lascivious smug smile.

Joss rolled her eyes, knowing he was taunting her. She got out of the car and heard him follow. She dug into her jacket pocket and pulled out her keys, opening the door to the stifling hot air within the house. "I'll open some windows, we don't have any fans."

She walked in, leaving him to close and latch the door behind him. She switched on a nearby small lamp in the hall, bringing a dim glow to their surroundings, before she set about cracking open as many windows as she could. When she returned to the hallway, he was studying the many old dusty family photos studding the walls; long ago happy people that no longer existed.

"Come on," she said, indicating with a nod to the stairs. "I have to be at school early tomorrow, I promised Lori I'd share my math notes with her."

He followed her up the stairs and Joss couldn't help the small swell of fluttering panic that flowed into her stomach, like she was being stalked. For a second she felt like taking the rest of the stairs two at a time, but she quelled the flighty instinct back, telling herself this was the first friend, never mind the first guy, she'd ever brought back to her home, it was normal to feel nervous.

She pushed the door with a heavier hand than it really needed, knowing it often stuck at its hinges.

"Well, welcome to my castle, I guess." She turned on a lamp by her bed and quickly picked up the dirty clothes strewn across her carpet and hid them in her closet before he had much chance to see her lazy attitude to laundry.

Billy stood, studying all the band posters on her wall, seeming far too big a presence in her tiny bedroom.

"I get most of them when I visit my dad," she said, straightening out her bedding. "There's a really cool music store that always has all the latest stuff."

"Cool," Billy said, looking around the room, "it's not what I expected."

Joss laughed, throwing a spare pillow into his arms. "So, you thought about what my bedroom looked like?"

"No," he said, with a confidently dismissive grin, "I mean it's just not got much of a girly feel. Not what I'm used to." He placed the pillow down on the bed.

"Again, from the tiny amount of types of bedrooms you've scaled up to," she said, indicating with her thumb and forefinger just how small she meant.

"Whatever," he dismissed, going back to studying all around him.

She turned to her stereo and pressed play on the tape deck, bringing a low volume of sound to their surroundings as the music began to play softly, WASP's seductive 'Sleeping In The Fire'.

He smiled to himself as he recognized the song and began to casually look through the papers on her small desk, and she allowed him that small trespass into her private things.

"These are pretty good," he said, picking up a few sheets that had come loose from the well worn sketch book she kept them in.

Joss resisted the urge to go and snatch them away in embarrassment. "Thanks." She opened her own window as far as it would go, placing various books on her lace curtains to serve as a makeshift bug net.

"These are sketches of the design on your jacket, right?" He turned the paper in his hands and fluttered it at her, showing the pencil drawing of two old school style tarot cards, one with 'Death' and one with 'The Lovers,' and above and below the stylized wording of 'Know Your Fate'. In between the cards was a glowing crystal ball. "Did you paint your own jacket?" He raised an eyebrow in surprise, and Joss could see he was impressed, which gave her a small thrill in the pit of her stomach.

"Yeah."

"Cool. It's a cool jacket. Is that what you want to do after school? Something with art?"

"I really don't know," Joss said honestly. "It makes me happy though, so maybe," she shrugged.

"You should," he said, with an alluring smile and a casual shrug. "It'd be a shame to waste your talent."

She took off her jacket and laid it over the chair near the desk, her hands brushing the design with a pride she didn't think she'd really felt before. "Thanks, it's good to hear someone thinks I have any talent."

"Well, you do. You'd make some great album covers."

She grinned, feeling the warmth of his praise. "When I draw it makes me feel like I really exist."

He quirked an eyebrow at her and she continued, trying to make him understand.

"If I can put what's in my head on paper, it proves I matter... I don't know, it's stupid, I guess."

"No, I get it." He continued to look through the pages. "You like religious stuff? You draw a lot of saints and stuff."

"I like it, like the art style," she replied, "but I'm not religious. My parents took me to Italy when I was, like, eight, and we saw a lot of churches and great art works, that cool ceiling. It sparked a love in me for it."

He nodded, a small smile on his face as if he was truly enjoying her work, and her cheeks heated with a continued boost to her self-esteem.

"What about you?" Joss took a few steps forward, her hand indicating to the necklace he wore. "Do you believe?"

He let the papers go, his fingers clutching the pendant as if to hide it from her prying eyes, but he quickly relaxed and acted as if he had just been playing with it for a moment.

"I stopped believing a long time ago."

"Then why..."

"It was my mom's," he cut in, not letting her fully voice her question, "it's pretty much all she left me with."

Joss felt the bubble of apology trying to escape her throat and pushed it back down, knowing he wouldn't want to hear it.

"You ever try and find her?" Joss pushed, knowing this was thin ground between them.

He studied her face a moment, a hint of frown furrowing the place between his brows as if he were trying to solve a particularly hard math problem, then he seemed to find the answer and his body and expression relaxed. He shrugged as if shrugging off any hint of emotional heaviness. "I tried a few times before, when I was young and stupid, to make her come back." Joss could hear just how stupid he'd thought he had been as that kid. "But she'd always move place to place, it was hard to find her because she didn't want to be found. But then my old man made his perfect new family and I was told to get in line or get out." He shook his head.

Joss felt the strong urge to reach out and touch his shoulder, but didn't, knowing this would not be wanted either.

"Did she just disappear?"

He shook his head again. "She's still in California, somewhere. She never bothered to leave me a forwarding address. Once I got my car I thought..." He stopped his line of thought abruptly and glanced at her, that frown faintly showing again. He sighed, "But, Max's dad started sniffing around again and Max started causing drama, trouble, and my old man moved us. He didn't want me finding my mom again either, so it was a win-win for him to move. So, any chance I had..." He pursed his lips and let out a sardonic laugh as if remembering a very unfunny memory. "I had to leave everything behind, everyone I knew, my whole damn life. I had something there, you know?" His expression twisted, as if this was all starting to grate on him.

"You blame Max for that? For the move here?" Joss asked, hearing the way he gritted his teeth every time he mentioned his step sister.

He looked at her, anger rippling through his eyes. "You're damn right! Her fault any of this happened. She's a piece of shit. All she does is cause trouble and drags me into her bullshit!"

Joss felt a shudder of surprise at the hatred he had about this subject. She knew she was beginning to poke too deeply, he was losing patience, but she didn't interrupt him or break the moment, allowing the words to come when he wanted.

"She and Susan, they don't have to deal with that side of my dad," he said, half pretending to be distracted by her art again.

Joss gathered Susan was Billy's dad's wife, and Max's mother.

"Never have," he shrugged, not delving any further into just exactly what Max had done to cause all this animosity. "They see it sometimes, his anger, and they just look the other way. And Max causes it, sneaking out, being late, telling lies, it all comes back on me, I'm the one that gets it in the damn neck! I'm expected to babysit everything she does."

Joss could feel the waves of temper building in him, and decided now was the time to try and defuse it.

"That's shitty," Joss said softly. "It's unfair too, but Max is just a kid. Just like you were, she can't control what your dad does."

"Just a kid?" he shook his head with a cynical laugh and curl of lip. "You really don't know her." He gave her a look full of a warning to step cautiously. "Look, fuck it right? Can we talk about something else." It was a demand not a request.

"Sure," Joss said, trying to sound casual. She flicked the dial of her small portable TV and the black and white fuzzy picture flickered into being, as some old Hammer Horror movie played.

She flopped down onto the bed, tired from the long heat of the day, the cool breeze from the open window very welcome. Joss felt, rather than saw, Billy lower himself on to the bed as she did her best to seem nonchalant and interested in the movie. He positioned the pillow next to hers and somehow they both managed to find room on the single bed. They watched the movie in near silence for a while, laughing at the bad special effects until the credits rolled. She got up, pushing the off button, before returning to her place on the bed.

The tension in the room had intensified with the silencing of the TV, the soft strains of music still playing from her tape deck speakers just seemed to add to the heavy atmosphere, and Joss tried her best to defuse it by reaching up and turning off the light, encompassing them in full darkness in the optimistic idea that this would signal that it was time to sleep.

She returned to lying on her back, her hands resting on her stomach and felt the mood heighten into something even more potently charged. Any hope she'd had that extinguishing the light would somehow aid the situation felt like a sudden big misjudgement. Now, she was not only alone with a guy in her bedroom, but they were concealed within the folds of darkness, where hands could easily search and wander, unencumbered by the fear of open exposure.

She could hear her own heartbeat thrumming softly in her ears, her whole body feeling electrified by how near he was and how alone they were. He turned over onto his side so she could tell he was looking at her, and she could hear his low breathing.

"So, when you said no fooling around, did you mean completely, or, you know, just a little?" She could hear the smile in his voice.

Joss laughed. "Is that all you think about?"

"Hell yes," Billy said, laughing too, "don't you..." he paused, "think about it?" She felt his hand come to brush her stomach, his fingers entwining with hers. Before she could reply or try and neutralize the situation she felt him move, shifting his body to straddle hers, his hands skimming up her arms to her shoulders, holding her in place firmly, and she found once he'd caught her, she didn't want to stop him.

His head dipped and their lips met in a deep and soft kiss. His hands roamed her body, grazing across exposed skin and urging her response. Her hands came to his shoulders, feeling the smooth curves of muscle of his bare arms. The cool metal of his pendant glanced against the dip of her throat as they continued, becoming hotter and heavier in their intentions with every new press of lips, until he broke away and began to kiss and stroke his way down her body, paying extra attention to the hollow of her throat, her collar bones, and the tops of her breasts.

His hands were soon joining in, kneading and teasing, until she was breathing heavily, but before she could become too comfortable with this escalating situation he was moving again, his lips running kisses down her stomach and reaching the edge of her denim skirt. He lingered there a moment, leaving soft butterfly kisses across the exposed skin above her waistband; he glanced up, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Joss' hands reached out to his shoulders, her clutching fingers silently telling him that this was far enough. He stopped for a moment, holding up his palms to her, showing he wouldn't break their unspoken rule.

"Whatever Saint Joss wants," he said with a teasing smile.

She didn't have time to say anything in return to the slightly unkind nickname, as the next moment his mouth was at her thighs, sending ripples of warmth across her entire body, leaving her feeling dazed. Then his kisses and caressing strokes were at the back of her knees, the turn of her calf, the curve of her ankle, the whole experience making her want to squirm and giggle childishly under his intense inspection. She felt him run a fingertip gently over her inner thigh where she knew she had a large scar.

Billy slowly moved back up her body and finally reached her lips with his, the kiss more intense and insistent than before. She could feel him trying to beguile her, to push and entice her to give in to him, and the unnerving thing was, Joss wanted to. She'd gone from a determined stance to wavering uncertainty in the time it had taken for a song to finish and a new one to start. His body was hard and soft all within the same complex intimacy, his hands stroking so sweetly, trying to coax her into relaxing fully, as the solidness of his chest pushed against hers, the action telling her that he wasn't going to give in easily. He positioned his knee between her legs and nudged with a mellow demand in a subtle attempt to pry her last remaining resistance away, but he didn't push past a certain point, seemingly still allowing her the ultimate choice.

Joss didn't give in, twisting her body into a long line that denied him any more than a passionate fumble in the dark. To compensate for his perceived disappointment her hands came to the back of his neck, stroking, running gentle teasing fingers through hair, in an attempt to let him know she still wanted him, just not that completely, not yet. She urged him closer, her own mouth hungry, seeking a way to make him feel good too.

She felt a sudden unpleasant taste pass her lips, salt and the tang of iron. She pulled back from him and looked up into his face. She could clearly see, despite the dark room, that the cut on his lip had opened again, running a steady trail down his chin.

She touched his cheek gently and he flinched a little, as if the concerned intimate contact had burned him. "You're bleeding," she whispered.

"Do you care?" he asked, and pushed his lips forcefully back to hers.

Chapter Text

They both lay upon the bed, their breathing laboured, and a sheen of sweat glistening on their skin. Joss pushed her hair back from her face and then got up without a word, exiting the room to the bathroom.

Not bothering to turn on the light, she splashed her face with cold water and rinsed the taste of blood out of her mouth. When she looked up, she caught herself in the mirror, her reflection looking as shocked as she felt at her current unexpected situation.

Once again she'd stopped them going further than a heavy make out session, much to Billy's displeasure, and in truth Joss didn't know what she was doing, with this guy in her bed and her life. What was she getting herself into? Wasn't she meant to be leaving after graduation? What good would it do either of them to get this involved? She didn't have any answers. She knew he wasn't a great person, but Joss also knew people were way more complex than being an asshole or a saint in everything they did in life.

For whatever reason, right now, she wanted this, whatever the hell this was. She removed her skirt and top and pulled on an old oversized t-shirt she used for sleeping in, it hung off one shoulder, drowning her frame.

She grabbed some tissues from inside the mirrored cabinet and made her way back to the bedroom. Billy still lay on the bed, but he had taken off his vest, which now lay discarded on the floor. The sounds of Bad Company's 'Ready For Love' reached her ears, giving the whole scene a moody bluesy feel.

"Your room is fucking hot," he said, brushing his damp hair out of his face.

"Well, we did just do a kind of work out," she teased, and went to him, pushing the tissue with soft pressure to his mouth before he could protest.

"Yeah, if you'd been a little more into it, it'd have been the workout of your life." He grinned and took the tissue from her, tending to his injured lip until the bleeding had more or less stopped, before he threw it casually in the direction of her trash can.

Joss made a derisive sound at his blatant attempt at provocative flirting.

"What's with the cut on your leg?" he asked, shocking Joss into freezing for a second at his words. "You fall?"

Joss had to resist the unwanted urge to reach out and touch the scar he was talking about. "No," she said at last, not seeing the point of lying, "it happened years ago."

He didn't say anything, but moved to sit up, his arms relaxed, resting on his knees, as he waited for her to continue. To Joss it was like he could sense her unease, like a lustful animal waiting for its moment to pounce on her weakness.

Why she decided to tell him she didn't really know, maybe it was the knowledge that she would be leaving soon, leaving him and Hawkins far behind, but she found she didn't want to lie or dismiss his curiosity.

"It was just after my parents started fighting. My anger was just..." She tried to find the right words. "Fucking intense, like it was eating me whole, and nothing I did made it better, made me feel better." She swallowed hard. "Stuff at school was bad, being talked about and manhandled in the hallways really brings down your day," she joked, dryly. "I just felt like my body couldn't hold everything in and I needed a way to let it out. So I took a knife and I just... I just cut." She shrugged, "I wasn't trying to, you know, end things or anything. Just find a way to deal with it all, and I felt like pain would be better to feel than feeling like I was about to implode."

"Did it make you feel better?" he asked, without a beat, his voice strange and faraway.

"Yeah." She came to sit on the bed next to him. "Yeah it did. I know it's not the best way to deal with stuff, but it felt like the only way I had then."

"Had?" he nodded with a mocking air. "But, I'm guessing from the fact it's not actually fully healed, you keep doing it?"

She eyed him with great suspicion and, feeling like she needed to see his face clearly before answering, she leaned over to her bedside cabinet and used a match to light a candle, bringing some illumination to the gloom they sat shrouded in. Her gaze went to his face and she studied his expression, trying to find out what exactly he wanted from this exchange. "When things get too much. Sometimes, I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's a bad habit."

"It's a big scar," he continued, "is it cause of your dad, that you keep opening it up?"

She glanced up at him, feeling suddenly stung by him probing too far into her private wounds.

"At first, I guess it was. That whole thing left me feeling kinda numb, so to feel something so real and sharp, other than just dull anger, it was good, I felt powerful, in control. I didn't want to let it go, so when things get tough I just..." She made a slicing motion with her hand.

"That's messed up!" he laughed.

"Oh yeah, destroying school property and beating the shit out of other guys over the slightest infraction is a much healthier way of coping, I guess?" she said with a snide smirk, pushing his shoulder.

"Just two perfectly healthy people, living our healthy lives," he assured, searching the floor a moment before finding his carton of cigarettes. He pulled out one and lit it with a flash of flame from his lighter.

Joss wrinkled her nose, unhappy that her bedroom was going to be ingrained in stale smoke by morning. "They smell like ass you know?" She indicated to the cigarette as he took a long hard drag on it and in reply blew a large plume of smoke in her direction.

"Asshole," she said, coming to lie next to him on the bed with a smirk of wry amusement.

"You know it." He blew out a ring of smoke in defiance.

"Is that why you broke the water fountain today? To feel better?" Joss asked, feeling he owed her some tidbit in return.

"Is what why?" he said in between a draw.

"You said you break things when you get mad, so was it your dad that made you mad?"

"Something like that."

She could tell he didn't really want to talk about this subject in depth, but she couldn't help wanting to understand just how his mind ticked. "Even though you knew you'd get in more trouble and it'd just come back on you later?"

He shrugged again and laughed. "Got to let it out somehow right?" He quirked an eyebrow at her in what felt very much like a belittling gesture. "You should know that better than anyone." His gaze flicked down to her leg again and Joss huffed out a sound of dissatisfaction with his answer and disdainful tone.

"So, all this time I've been calling you Tanner and that isn't really your name," he fished without any elegance.

"Well, you could just call me Joss if it bothers you that much."

He laughed. "That isn't even your name either!"

Joss gave a dismissive shrug. "It is now, has been the last few years. I can't imagine going back to my old name. It's not who I am."

"Like Black 'n Blue's 'Miss Mystery'," he said, without any earnestness and a large helping of mockery, and caught her eye before laughing again, finding his own joke funny.

Joss remained silent, knowing he was trying to goad her into some kind of situation where she'd let her guard down and give him the information he wanted without a fight, but this time her boundaries were firm and she wouldn't allow them to be crossed.

"Seriously?" he said, sounding half amused and half offended that she hadn't offered up the facts on a platter. "You're not going to tell me?"

"Nope," Joss said with a flash of a snide grin. "Why do you want to know so bad anyway? It's just a name."

He didn't seem to have an answer for that.

"So, is Fright Night your favourite movie now?" Joss' attempt at steering the conversation elsewhere was just as graceless as him asking for her real name.

"Maybe, if I ever get to see the whole thing," he said with a teasing grin that called back to her little shrieking fit at the cinema.

"So, what is your favourite movie then?" Joss felt that this line of conversation was actually working at easing the atmosphere and his prying.

He pursed his lips together in thought a moment before a big grin came to his face and he took a long drag on his cigarette, the glowing cherry end crackling as he drew the smoke into his lungs. "The Terminator," he said, as he exhaled the smoke.

Joss nodded her head in agreement. "Okay, a little bit more sci-fi than horror, but I get it," she admitted.

"The Terminator is totally a horror. A relentless killer, body horror, sick kills! It's a horror."

Joss hummed in appreciation of his points. "Why is it your favourite?"

He gave her a sideways glance. "Because of everything I just said," his look almost verged upon calling her dumb for asking.

Joss bypassed his unkind meaning with a roll of her eyes. "Yeah, but I mean, what is it about The Terminator that makes it your number one? That makes it like no other movie?"

"The Terminator is unstoppable, he just goes forward and gets shit done. Nothing can stop him."

"Apart from Sarah Connor," Joss corrected.

"She got lucky with that pressing machine," he dismissed with a hiss of smoke and a wave of his hand.

"So, it's the villain you like then?"

"Always," he grinned.

"Interesting," Joss said with a raise of her eyebrow, her look clearly judging him playfully.

"What is?"

"I'm sure Sigmund Freud would have something to say about that mindset."

"Sounds more like a damn fraud to me. Look, The Terminator is the perfect killer, he hasn't got feelings, you can't bargain with him, you can't get his empathy or his pity, he just does what needs to be done. When he gets shot, stabbed or hit by a truck, he just shrugs it off, he keeps going. No stopping him."

"Yeah," Joss said with a nod of semi-agreement, "but it's not really like he's a free agent."

Billy gave her another sideways glance, and this time he looked just a little bit less confident. "What?"

"Well, he's just a worker bee right? He's not doing all that stuff and killing for himself or because he hates Sarah Connor, he's being controlled by something more powerful. He has no bodily autonomy. He's just a thing with no emotions who only knows how to kill, or at least only to do what he's told."

"What, no!" Billy said, frowning at her.

"Okay then, tell me one thing he does for himself? Gets himself a milkshake, or a nice day off to go to the beach? It's not personal between him and Sarah Connor is it? It's just what he's been told to do."

Billy stuck the cigarette between his lips to free his hands and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration before letting out a humourless laugh. He plucked the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger and exhaled, allowing the silence to hang between them for a few seconds. "Are you just an expert at sucking all the fun out of everything or is that a natural talent?" He took another puff, burning it down to the butt.

Joss tried not to feel too stung by the sharpness of his tone. "Sorry to burst your 'perfect killer' bubble."

"Okay then, what's your favourite movie? Let's see if I can pick it apart?"

Joss gave him a withering look. "Nightmare on Elm Street."

"Ah, because of the knife fingers, right?" He waggled his eyebrow in a very suggestive manner and gestured to her thigh.

Joss pushed him in response. "No, it's because Nancy is smart. She gets a plan to beat Freddy, even though no one believes her, and she does it all alone, knowing he's killed everyone she cares about. I think she's a great final girl."

Billy looked like he was going to say something laced with a smart ass comeback but finally he relented. "Yeah, okay," he admitted with a sigh of defeat.

"Anyway, we should, you know, actually sleep, because it's late," Joss said, knowing she'd be lucky to feel even semi-rested by morning.

Billy grasped for an empty gaudy ceramic ring holder nearby and stubbed out the remaining butt.

"Hey, not an ashtray!" Joss protested weakly.

"It'll wash," he said, settling back into the pillow and closing his eyes as if that was the end of the matter.

Joss gave him an unimpressed look while he continued to refuse to even acknowledge her presence. Finally she relented and closed her eyes too, the soft rhythm of the low music lulling her into sleep, her body easing into the warmth of him as he shifted beside her, finding his own comfortable position. She felt a slight brush as his fingertips slid up her arm, sending all the fine hairs prickling with the contact.

"Hmm?" she asked, sleepily.

"Thanks." He whispered the word so quietly she couldn't be sure she'd heard him right. She hugged her pillow to her as a drowsy smile grazed her lips.

"You're welcome," she sighed, curling herself up onto her side, her body relaxing fully against his. "Now shush." She patted his arm and allowed herself to fall fully into sleep.

Chapter Text

Joss' alarm clock rang, shrill and abrupt, making her jump from slumber into reality. She groaned lowly and reached over, hitting the top of it hard enough to knock it to the ground. She took in a deep breath, allowing her senses to come back to her as the morning sun streamed in through the flimsy lace curtains. She could tell from the clear blue sky it was going to be another hot day.

She'd had maybe three hours sleep in total, if that, and she already felt like she needed three more before she could even think of beginning her day. The knowledge that there was a tub of strong instant coffee downstairs in the kitchen cupboard made it all seem like a whole day could be bearable, if she could just find the will to actually get up. Joss let her cheek rest back upon the soft comfort of the pillow and let out a low groan, knowing she didn't really have any choice. If she started missing classes, the school would call, and they'd want to talk to one of her parents about her sudden out of 'character' absence, and that would be a whole ant's nest Joss had no desire to even contemplate poking.

She realized with a slow creeping feeling, that her body was taking up far too much of the bed, and she glanced over to where Billy should have been, but the space was empty. She squinted as she rose herself up, the sun lighting upon her face.

"Billy?" she called out, but the house remained silent.

Joss slowly got out of bed and went to the window, glancing into her now empty driveway, already knowing he would be gone.

Joss yawned, stretched, and decided to head on downstairs for some breakfast.

//

By the time Joss arrived at school she was hot and bothered, it just seemed to be getting hotter by the day. She entered the school and bundled her book bag into her locker.

"Joss, morning," Lori said, making her way over.

"Morning," Joss replied, yawning widely.

"Do you have those notes?"

"Sure." Joss dug into her locker a moment before pulling out her math notebook. "Just get it back to me by Monday, okay?"

"No problem." Lori took the notes. "Thanks again, you really are saving my life."

"Hey, least I could do, you helped me with Shakespeare last year."

"Yeah, total bummer. I hated Macbeth." Lori pulled a face.

Joss nodded in agreement. "Kinda loses all its meaning when a bunch of bored kids read it out one paragraph at a time, huh?" They giggled.

"You working tonight?" Lori asked, as they began to walk to their first class. Lori was one of the few people that knew anything at all about Joss' life, but still they never saw each other outside of school.

"If it's Friday, I'm working." She gave Lori a confused look. "It is Friday, right?"

Lori laughed, "Yeah, you losing track of days?"

"I guess so," Joss said, walking in step with the other girl now.

"It's the heat. Sending everyone crazy," Lori concluded. "Did you hear the latest gossip going around this morning?"

Joss passed a critical look towards Lori and shrugged. "I don't normally listen to gossip."

"I know, but who else am I gonna tell the juiciest bit of school scandal when everyone else already knows?!" Lori gave a puppy dog look until Joss had no other choice than to relent her hard stance.

"Okay, shoot," Joss said.

Lori did a little squeal and grinned. "So, it's going around that some girl slapped Billy Hargrove last night," Lori said with a secretive hushed tone.

Joss felt every hair on the back of her neck prickle but forced herself to seem nonchalant. "Oh? Really?"

"Someone saw him at the cinema at Starcourt Mall with some girl, probably from the next town over, and he tried to get a little too fresh in the dark, and she screamed, totally freaked out, and smacked him a good one!" Lori was very excited by this and seemed to be rooting for this semi-imaginary girl and the very imaginary violence towards Billy. "There's rumours that he isn't in today because she gave him a black eye!" Lori made a punching motion. "Well deserved! Finally that dickbrain gets some karma!"

"Wait, he isn't in today?" Joss said, unable to hide the surprise in her tone, which Lori took as sudden interest in the gossip.

"I know! Shocker." Lori continued to grin and Joss felt her heart plummet. "Peak high school drama right?" Lori said, seeming to miss how suddenly dour her friend had become.

"So, it's karma?" Joss said, carefully fishing for more information. "I know he's not got the best reputation, but did he really deserve a smack?"

"Oh my god, Joss!" Lori said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You really are out of the loop. I know you like to rock the whole aloof loner thing, but girl, you need to put your ear to the ground. This place is so full of drama, it'd put Shakespeare outta business."

"Okay, nice insult, but you started this whole gossip thing, so tell me."

"The latest grody thing he did was a few months back. I heard he really messed Jessica up, you know, that sweet cheerleader that isn't actually a bitch?"

"Vaguely," Joss admitted, her mind visualizing exactly who Lori was talking about. Blond, blue-eyed, gorgeous, sweet and petite, everything Joss felt she wasn't. She'd seen Jessica running church funding bake sales and volunteering for tutoring younger students in her own time. She was what some may call a classic girl next door, by Hollywood standards anyway, great looks and a kind heart. If Billy had indeed hurt her, it felt like he'd kicked a sweet little puppy who had come looking for some attention.

"Well, it's all rumor, but I heard he acted like she was the love of his life, and then once he got..." Lori's eyes flicked to Joss' in a very conspiratorial manner, "what he wanted, he dropped her like a hot potato. Her parents are super religious, so, well, I heard he saw it as a real challenge to, you know, get her into bed, and once he got what he wanted, she wasn't any use to him. He'd had his thrill. So gross. He told her to get lost right in front of loads of people, said she was clingy and killing his buzz." Lori's voice was so low that Joss had to lean in to hear exactly what was being said.

"That's rough," Joss said, feeling heat trying to make its way into her face. "So, what did Jessica do?"

"What all nice girls seem to do when faced with a mean asshole, she ran off crying," Lori said, gritting her teeth a little.

Joss didn't say anything but her thoughts were racing. Was she just another Jessica? Why wasn't Lori's version of Billy matching the one she knew? Was he putting on a mask even in front of her? She suddenly felt way too hot for the air conditioned corridor.

"So, it's good to hear some girl stood up to him," Lori said with a smile, clearly imagining that talked about cinema punch again.

"Well, I mean, it is just gossip right?" Joss said with a dismissive sniff.

Lori gave her a side eyed look. "What do you mean?"

"Did you see that happen to Jessica, see him be mean, did anyone you know see it?"

Lori looked deflated. "No, it just gets around."

"Oh, so you mean like that story about Tansy Williams being pregnant with the science teacher's kid? Didn't she have to be transferred to another school because of that, even though it was untrue? Or the one about Wayne Corbolt eating slugs on his sandwiches? Didn't Wayne keep 'falling over' during gym after that rumour got around and wasn't he the target of everyone's aim in doge ball for some reason after that? Now, he eats alone every lunch break out on the fields. Or maybe you mean the very true story about the giant mutant rat that lives in the basement boiler room?"

"Shit, when you say it like that..." Lori now sounded very unsure.

"Maybe it's not the full truth, dating can be messy, maybe they just had a big misunderstanding and falling out? It's easy to get hurt when stuff is so public, right?"

"Why does it sound like your defending him?" Lori said offhandedly, and then laughed at her joke.

"No, I'm not. I'm just saying school gossip is 80% bullshit and you know I hate all this rumour mill drama. I just think if we can't hear the true story, maybe it's better not to listen." Joss knew she was indeed trying to defend him, not really believing she was justified to do so, but knowing being the subject of school talk was hell.

"I guess that makes sense," Lori said, sounding unsure.

"Everyone already judges everyone else here with mean eyes and ears, you know? Billy Hargrove has never done anything to you, right?"

"Well, no," Lori said, startled, and looked over at Joss giving her a strange and long look. "Yeah, maybe I am being too judgmental, I don't know the guy at all, only that he can be a bit of a bully, I've seen him start a few fights, but yeah, he's never said a single word to me."

"See? That stuff can really mess people up, gossip is poison. It's better to stay out of it all completely. I mean who knows, he might be a nice guy and no one's giving him a chance because no one wants to see who he really is, you know?"

Lori smirked. "Joss, I think lots of people give him a 'chance'." She sighed, realizing she wasn't going to get her daily quota of gossip with Joss. "You are giving him way too much credit," Lori said with an understanding smile. "People like that, eat people like us for breakfast, don't go too easy on them."

Joss laughed, taking the comment as the breezy exchange it was meant as, but inwardly she felt her stomach clench, and she clutched her books a little harder against her chest as they went in to the rowdy room beyond.

//

Joss trudged into the relative cool of the arcade. She'd been home, showered and changed, eaten one of the meals left in the freezer, and now stood ready for a busy evening working. The school day had felt easier with it being Friday. Despite her best efforts she hadn't seen Billy once today and the growing ball of worry in her stomach wouldn't shift. Just how much trouble had he found at home? Was that why he hadn't come to school? Or was it simply because he was as tired as she was, and decided to skip class completely?

She supposed she wouldn't know until she saw him, and since it was Friday, that meant he should turn up later, near closing. Joss pushed the nervous anxiety into focusing upon her job and just what she had to do now she had arrived.

Summer break was slowly creeping up on them and the kids all felt the sweet aroma of freedom in the air, seeming to send them all into a frenzy of having as much fun as possible.

"How's it going, Mark?" she called to her co-worker, who was currently putting on some hot dogs to roast.

"Not bad, you?" he replied.

"Just peachy," Joss said, putting her things behind the counter, which mainly consisted of a handful of tapes and her book bag with a few books, just in case she found the time to study.

"You closing again tonight?" he asked.

"You bet." Joss slid a tape into the the deck and rock music replaced the upbeat funky tones of DeBarge's 'Rhythm Of The Night'.

"I don't know how Gus allows you to do it all alone." He shivered, "It gets real creepy when it's all silent, like an empty amusement park."

"You can always stay and help out," she needled.

He shook his head with a small laugh. "No can do. I got to be up early for training."

Mark was going into the army as soon as he graduated, it was all he wanted, and a lot of times, all he talked about.

The evening was a constant blur of notes changed for coins, and food and drink served. Some little angel had taken a bet from his friends that he could eat six hot dogs in less than five minutes, he got up to five before he puked the contents of his stomach onto the floor, which included a bright blue raspberry slushie.

"Gross," Joss mumbled, as she finished cleaning, "damn little monsters."

Mark laughed and shook his head. "Hazard of the job right? Kids are kinda gross."

As the evening rolled down and the kids emptied out, either walking home in groups, riding on bikes, or their parents picking them up, the hustle of the day seemed wearing to Joss and she slumped against a machine feeling thoroughly spent.

Mark had turned off most of the cabinets. The slushie machine and hot dog warmer were cleaned and only a few last odd jobs remained.

"You get going," she told Mark with a smile.

"You sure?"

She nodded, and without waiting for any more encouragement, he grabbed his stuff. "See you tomorrow then." With a last wave he was out the door and gone.

Joss leaned hard against the cool plastic of the brightly coloured Kung Fu Master cabinet, giving herself a moment's respite before she went over to the tape player and cranked up the music. As Lita Ford's confident vocals rippled through her body, and the guitar shred of 'Dancin' On The Edge' boomed out, she went back to the cabinet, resting her heel against it as she tapped out her frustration of the day, letting the music take her somewhere else.

She'd half expected Billy to come after hours so his element of surprise was lost. She saw his form approaching the door, as usual he ignored the large red 'Closed' sign and let himself in, his entrance permeated with what seemed like strung out tension, as the door swung back nosily on its hinges. He looked over to the counter first and, not seeing her there, she saw him take in the dim surroundings, scanning the room, trying to locate her. Joss couldn't help her mind drifting back to their conversation last night and how much he reminded her of the Terminator in this one moment, his goal set and unmovable. Joss knew he couldn't see her from where he stood.

She petulantly didn't react at all at first, letting him wonder just where she was, but she was fully aware she couldn't hide from the messy situation they both had landed in forever. She called out from her sheltered spot, alerting him to her location.

"Hey."

His eyes snapped to where her voice came from and he walked over, easily discovering her. He was dressed in his usual jeans, but instead of his signature tight white vest he was wearing a red, short sleeved, snap button shirt, open to mid chest. If Joss didn't know better she'd swear he'd made an effort. The smell of his musky aftershave was heavy, and she couldn't help wondering if he'd come to see her after one of his latest date conquests. Had they been in his car making out, or more? She resisted the rather ridiculous urge to sniff the air for tell-tale scents of perfume.

"Hey," he said, and tried to give his usual cover up of a charmingly seductive smirk, but failed as a ripple of pain crumpled his features for a split second.

It was then Joss noticed the nasty cut on his cheek, fresh and angry, and blooming a tender looking bruise, which swelled just below his cheekbone. She couldn't help reaching out to him, wanting to offer him some solace, but he caught her hand tightly, pinching her skin with how hard he held her, and with annoyance he moved himself out of the reach of her concern, but still held on to her as if ready to restrain any further attempts.

"What happened?" Joss feared she already knew the answer.

Billy's lips were a thin line, trying to smile through his displeasure. "He came at me, I fell right into the damn table. Not much more to say."

"Shit," Joss breathed, clinging onto his hand, feeling useless. "Is that why you weren't at school?" Not waiting for his answer she continued. "Why didn't you stay? You didn't have to go back."

"Gotta go home sometime."

"No! You don't!" Joss said, angry at his easy acceptance of the situation.

He shrugged with nonchalance at her words, "I didn't come here for a lecture."

She sighed heavily and finally let go of his hand, accepting she wasn't going to get through to him this way, and feeling with every word he was pulling away, becoming distant to her questioning of his life and how he dealt with his own issues.

"Okay. What did you come here for then?"

"Some fun." He did grin this time, but carefully and only with a slight grimace.

"I can help with that," she said, smiling up at him and twisting away from his grasp as he tried to slip his hands around her waist. "I am, after all, a connoisseur of fun." She reached her arms out, gesturing to their surroundings and took an over flourished bow.

He shook his head, the action stating that he thought she was completely illogical, but much to her own pleasure she saw he was smiling, that genuine bright smile she had grown to like so much.

Chapter Text

Joss and Billy spent a few hours playing various games: the fast pace of Pac-Man; the competitiveness of Space Duel; and the tense feeling of every choice in Dragon's Lair, followed by groans of frustration as the main character died over and over again. Finally they ended their gaming session by beating the crap out of each other's players on Kung Fu Master.

"Cheater!" Joss accused. "You're just mashing the damn buttons!"

Billy laughed, his tongue curling around the edge of his lips as he concentrated, before he reached over and mashed her own buttons, causing his player to win without much effort. He laughed, doing a little celebratory dance with his hips in time to the frantic strains of 'Wango Tango' blasting from the speakers.

"Shit. It's gone ten," Joss said, catching the large neon clock on the wall and beginning to turn off the last few cabinets. "I'm meant to be out by nine thirty."

"Your boss come and check on the place after hours?" Billy said, quirking a cynical eyebrow at the unlikeliness of a positive answer.

"No," Joss said, feeling the ball of panic leaving her quickly at his frank logic.

"Then relax. We have this whole place to ourselves, no one around. All alone." He gave her a long look that didn't hide his lustful intentions, that familiar playful head tilt accompanying his determined gaze.

She laughed, never taking him too seriously, and opened the fridge behind the counter, throwing him a can of chilled soda.

"Maybe you need to cool down," she said, enjoying poking fun at him, and at the same time bathing in the heat of his amorous attentions.

Joss opened a can for herself and took a deep gulp, before returning to the last few chores she had to complete.

"Can I put some music on?" Billy asked, placing his unwanted can on the side, already flipping through her selection of tapes.

"Sure," Joss called, dragging the trash out the back door.

When she came back in she could hear his choice beginning to play, a driving bass with a stomping drumbeat along with the heavy squeal of guitar caught her a little by surprise. This wasn't her tape. "Nice, who is this?"

Billy made a little grunt but didn't move from his position. "Kick Axe."

Joss let out a little laugh at the band's tongue in cheek choice of name. "Where did you hear them?!" she said, grinning, always a sucker for any new sound that resonated with her tastes.

"This store back home, in California I mean. The guy who owned it, I made an agreement that every three months he'd send me a package of tapes with a few new bands. I send them cash, they send me music." He shrugged without turning to look at her and Joss finally noticed he was hunched over something, tense and involved in his hidden task.

When he became aware he had her full attention on him, he straightened up. "Here." He handed over her book bag, minus the books, now seemingly mended with a very elaborate knot.

She took it from his hands, testing its strength and seeing it held well. "You fixed it?" She grinned at him, genuinely grateful he'd taken the time. Joss couldn't remember the last time anyone had bothered to do something nice for her, just for her benefit. Surely all of Lori's gossip today was overblown? Dickbrain guys didn't do nice things for others.

"When I used to surf as a kid, the big kids, they taught me all kinds of knots and stuff." He sniffed, trying to be indifferent, but quite obviously glowing with her gratitude.

"You surfed?" Joss said, laughing, disbelief clear on her face.

"Yeah! I surfed," he said, with mock indignation, "when I was a kid. Not much else to do when you live right by the beach."

Joss let out a hum of agreement. "Yeah, there were always loads of surfers in San Clem too," she said with a shrug, and glanced over to see him watching her with a sudden alert interest. "Were you any good?" Joss said, putting her books in the bag and testing its strength again.

"I was the best," Billy said, his tongue running over his bottom lip before he grinned. "I'd go everyday and just ride the waves." He fidgeted with the ring on his finger again. "But it was too much of a hassle. My old man hated me going out there. He thought it was a waste of time, loser stuff. He'd rather I played baseball, like that sport was what a real man should do. He said it had a future, but surfing was for stoners and wasters."

Joss felt the warmth of their conversation disperse, like a breeze had come and swept it away, and knew there was far more lurking in the depths underneath this story than he would ever be willing to tell her.

"There used to be so many parties at the beach when we lived there, and I'd just play music all night," he said, pointing towards the tape deck, moving the conversation in a direction he wanted.

"Hawkins must feel like a step down?" Joss said, knowing exactly how it felt for her coming back to this small town. Even if she had been unhappy at her dad's, at least it felt like a whole world there, instead of insular curtain twitching.

"Yeah. Some of it is. But it still has some good parties, like tonight." He did the familiar head tilt and smiled.

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, our dance party." He grinned, enjoying this new game.

Not giving her any time to respond to his words, he pulled the bag from her hands, dumping it with little care onto the floor, his hands gliding around her waist as he slowly began to move with her in a slow dance, pushing her hips against him as he positioned his thigh between her legs.

He was so close that she felt nearly overwhelmed by that same strong scent of cologne clinging to his skin, along with the acrid aroma of cigarettes. Joss clasped her hands at the back of his neck, allowing his swaying body to guide her to the beat of the music as she glanced down and laughed at his flirtatious behaviour; but Billy wasn't laughing, his eyes were intense and full of fervent focus.

He moved his body, his hand coming to the crook of her knee and pulling her leg up to rest at his hip, his hand glancing across her thigh, squeezing her backside and pushing his body into hers with a grinding motion that made her laugh in a strange mixture of skittish energy and genuine humour at his ardent attempt to seduce her. She threw her head back, still laughing flippantly, unwilling to take any of this seriously, and felt his lips find the hollow of her throat, his tongue tasting her skin in an action of firm testament that this time she was not going to duck out of the situation by using her shield of making everything a joke.

Joss felt a small flare of panic prickle the hairs on her nape, but found the sensation exciting and foreboding all at once, a cocktail that felt exhilarating, as his mouth worked on the skin of her neck, creating an almost unbearable pressure, hitting a strange balance between pleasure and pain. His hands roamed over her body, palms grazing over clothing and skin until his lips founds hers again.

He picked her up, moving her easily onto the counter top, his kisses never breaking pace, her arms dangling limply over his shoulders. Their lips parted and, for what was only a short moment, she looked into his eyes, their breaths coming in pants, all pretence of humour fully relinquished, and Joss knew this game was no longer playful, this was win or lose, although she had no idea which choice was which.

"Billy..." She tried to interject some sense into the situation, but he kissed her again, silencing all her protests.

With a sly smile his hands grazed over her thighs and up, grasping material and pulling, until her underwear was discarded. He smirked as he continued his mouth's potent spell of keeping her subdued, and Joss felt its unkind meaning, he knew he had power over her and he was enjoying it.

"If you don't like what I'm doing, you can tell me to stop," he said, parting them by only centimetres, his words more breath and lust than a statement, before his lips brushed against hers in a delicious soft pressure that made her not want to say anything of the sort, her hands gripping onto his denim jacket collar for support.

Joss could have stopped things going further right there, pushed him away and laughed at this whole situation, then jumped down from the counter and ended whatever this was between them, but she didn't. She felt like a rabbit caught in headlights, dazzled by something she couldn't quite understand, until it was far too late to dart in another direction, avoiding those crushing wheels.

As his palms curled around her thighs, pulling them apart, he maneuverer closer into her body, his chest now pressed against hers as he kissed her again and again until Joss felt dizzy, like the way she'd felt at the last party she'd been to in California where she'd drank a few too many shots of vodka. But she couldn't blame this on anything but her own desire, this was pure and simple lust, the want of him was making her lightheaded.

His hand reached between their bodies, finding the place between her legs and she bucked a little in surprise at his touch. She closed her eyes in enjoyment, her body impatiently rocking into the rhythm he wanted to set, eager and hungry for more. He happily obeyed her silent wish, stroking her more intently but slowly, so infuriatingly slowly that Joss let out a little moan of displeasure and heard Billy laugh a soft chuckle of satisfaction. She finally opened her eyes to see a very smug smirk upon his lips as he watched her so prone to everything he was doing, her fingers still gripping onto the material of his collar as if that was the only thing keeping her sitting upright.

"More?" he asked, with a tone that felt demeaning, as if he expected her to beg. Joss couldn't quite stop her breathless gasps as his fingers continued their languid stroking, but she knew a frown had appeared upon her face, and her lips turned down in annoyance, ready to say something that would pop the mood like a bubble. But before she had chance, he'd kissed her again, this time it was hard, as hard as the thrust his fingers made into her, and Joss cried out against his mouth, placated and satisfied for the time being.

When he pulled back she was a breathless mess, he'd nudged her slowly towards an edge she wanted to dive over, but as he moved slightly away, taking away his touch, Joss let out a whimper of protest which only made him laugh again.

She looked at him, confused at why he'd pulled back, and her thoughts raced as she tried to decide if she should reach out for him, say something cutting, or pull back too, before he made all her choices so easy as he bent, shifting her legs over his shoulders, and the electrifying feeling of his tongue against her centre spiralled her into a heady maze of desire. Every stroke made her lose a little more of herself, until she was aware she was whispering the word "fuck" over and over again, her body responding to every single thing his mouth was doing, urging him on with hips and hands until she ascended and fell over that longed for edge with a much louder "Fuck!" Every hair on her body seemed to vibrate as the blissful pressure slowly pulsed through her core and ebbed away in a satisfying feeling of warmth.

Her chest heaved as she tried to regain herself. Billy slowly moved, his bottom lip lingering across the scar on her thigh, and then he bit down gently, nipping and sucking, leaving an almost painful bruised sensation in his wake, making her pant out a few more moans before he stood up straight, grinning with self satisfaction, and allowed her legs to come back to rest at his hips. He came to her, kissing her lips with that same gentle soft pressure that made her want to kiss him back twice as hard, his hands slowly curling around her bare thighs.

She could feel smugness radiating off him in waves, he knew he'd won whatever stupid game they'd been playing, and Joss felt the trap closing ever more around her, and again, perhaps foolishly, had no intention of breaking free.

"All that work, just to get what you want?" she teased, once her breath felt steady.

"I always get what I want. One way or another," he said, his smile not faltering, and for a moment Joss really wanted to slap that prideful self assured look from his face, but instead she kissed him, hard and aggressively, showing him that he may have won the battle but not the war.

Her hands fumbled and searched, pulling at the buttons of his shirt, popping them open easily, sliding the material over taut shoulders and allowing it to drop to the floor. His hands were upon her t-shirt, pulling it over her head, until bare skin met bare skin, their lips connecting again.

Her hands lingered at his belt, the last vestige of any shield she had been defending herself with faltering, as his lips traced a whisper light line down her neck. She wanted this, wanted him so badly that her whole body ached with the desire, but that meant giving in completely, that meant things changing between them in a way that they could never come back from.

With a plummet of disappointment, Joss realized she wasn't ready, not yet. She had to think of a stalling tactic, even if that meant Billy wasn't going to be too pleased with her choices. She needed time to think if this was something she could be okay with, friendships rarely lasted past the sleeping together part.

"Wait," she finally panted, her senses coming back to her, and she grasped onto his forearms, telling him she needed a moment.

Billy let out an exasperated sigh. "What?" His tone was verging upon irritated impatience.

"Not here, okay, it's too weird. I work here." She could feel his eyes upon her, judging her sudden returning morals. "I can't look at this counter and think we..." She felt the heat rise in her cheeks and glanced away.

"Haven't we kinda already christened it? I just made you-"

"It's not the same," Joss said, knowing that argument made no true sense.

Billy tilted his head, grabbing her gaze with his own sceptical eyes. "It's not? Or are you just having second thoughts about us-"

"No," Joss said, her fingers curling around his arm in insistence. "I want to, just not here."

Billy let out an unamused laugh. "Okay, so where?"

Joss took a moment to think, feeling the fan still oscillating nearby shifting a cool breeze across her semi-naked form, before she finally looked at him, a sly smile coming to one corner of her lips.

"Want to go for a swim?" she asked with a flick of her eyebrow.

Chapter Text

The thrumming form of the dark blue Camaro pulled into a white lined bay in the deserted parking lot of Hawkins' open air community swimming pool. The engine cut off, leaving Joss and Billy's surroundings suddenly a little eerie in the stillness of the night. The only sound now was distant music from a nearby bar.

"So, you actually want to go for a swim?" Billy asked with a disbelieving quirk of his eyebrow, after they'd sat in the car in silence for a few seconds.

"Yeah, why? You chicken?" Joss sent a provoking smile his way.

"No," he said, with far too much bravado, offended by the mere insinuation. "Ladies first?" He gestured with his hand to her door and Joss took the challenge head on, getting out of the car without any hesitation. Billy followed a few seconds later, falling in step with her walk and eying the pool ahead with great suspicion. "You come here at night a lot?"

"Not really. I'm not like breaking in every night, but when I can't sleep after work and it's super hot, it's good to cool off. It's only been open a few weeks. During summer break I hear lots of kids sneak in and hang out."

"That fence looks high," he nodded cynically towards the chain link fence. "Sure you can climb that?"

Josh made a dismissive sound in her throat. "No, we don't go over, we go through." She gave him a conspiratorial look and then quickly crouched down into some nearby bushes before looking back at him. "The question is really going to be, if you're going to fit with all that bulk and muscle?"

Billy laughed and glanced away as if disbelieving her impudent words. "I'll fit," he said, meeting her eyes with a raise of both brows, the look very much a threat of war. "Lead the way."

Joss crouch-walked her way forwards to the edge and pulled back a bit of loose chain link fence. With great care, so the jagged ends didn't catch against the bare skin of her arms or legs, she squeezed through, and as smooth as a snake appeared on the other side, only to stumble inelegantly as she moved from the crouch to a standing position.

She recovered quickly and held her arms out in a silent mime of 'Voilà'. "See? Easy!" she said in a hissed whisper.

Billy gave her a look that hovered somewhere between mock disapproval and maybe being just a little impressed. He made his way over to the fence and, with a lot of grunts and sounds of effort, he pulled himself through. But he didn't come out the other side unscathed, the sharp metal of the fence had managed to leave a scratch of blood across one bicep.

"Ouch," Joss said, reaching out to skim his shoulder in sympathy.

Billy wiped at the blood with a dismissive hand. "I'm fine."

"Too cool to show pain?" Joss said with a grin, unconvinced of him constantly brushing off every little thing as if it was nothing. "You can show emotion you know? You're not an actual robot, or a Terminator," she nudged his side playfully and he nudged her back with a well placed elbow in a silent jeer at her words, "you can be whoever you want to be out here, there isn't anyone to see." Joss continued, gesturing to the deserted pool.

Billy glanced at her before letting out a low arrogant laugh, "I'm just me."

"That's cool too," Joss said.

"Do you want to be someone else out here?" Billy asked, with a tone of gentle taunting.

"Sometimes," Joss said lowly, and they fell into a semi-comfortable silence.

They stood a moment in the stillness of the night, the moonlight gently reflecting across the pool's surface, sending ripples of glimmering light across the nearby walls. The bar nearby was in full swing for a busy Friday night, distant chatter and laughter echoing down alleyways, along with music. Joss could make out the current song playing loudly through a jukebox, Kim Carne's 'Bette Davis Eyes'.

She stifled a laugh at the lyrics she could hear being sung, because it sounded so much like it could have been describing Billy. Maybe he didn't quite have Jean 'Harlow gold' hair, but when the sun caught it just right it did glint like it was threaded with sparks of metal. And his hands were never cold whenever she reached for them or he touched her, always warm, always certain. And his eyes, startling deep blue that seemed to pierce and see through any pretence, his gaze dancing to every movement and betrayal of body language as she spoke. He was hardly ever the first to break eye contact in those intimate moments, on that edge when playfulness became something more serious, the intensity making her feel both admired and scrutinized, teasing and uneasing her with every new interaction.

"What's funny?" Billy asked with a cock of eyebrow, seeming to sense it was something about him.

"Nothing, just this song, it's a weird one, right?"

"It's about some femme fatale," Billy said dismissively, with more knowledge than Joss had thought he'd have for such a popular song.

Joss did laugh then. "Yes," she said, wondering just what he'd think if she told him it made her think of him.

"So, do you just jump in or-?"

Joss scoffed out another laugh. "I'm not skinny dipping with you if that's what you're thinking. Besides if anyone comes by, I'd rather be in my underwear than butt naked. I'm not running through town in my birthday suit."

"Fair point," Billy said, and began to remove his top and then his jeans.

Joss echoed his actions, stripping out of her own clothes, doing her best to try and do so with a sensual air and not clumsily catch her top on her large silver earrings, until they both stood on the verge of full nakedness.

She could feel her heart beginning its usual tattoo at being this close, this alone with him. She looked over only to find he was already looking at her, his gaze lingering greedily over her body and curves, suddenly making her feel like covering herself. But instead she pushed back against that shy embarrassed first instinct, taking courage from his bold and self-assured presence. She copied his appraisal just as blatantly, taking in his frame, the curve of muscled chest and taut stomach, comparing her own body against his, noticing the differences so blatantly apparent between them. Joss felt that undeniable pull to reach out and touch him, to slide palm and fingers against each part of him in exploration, and the thought of him returning the favour sent a pleasant shot of molten anticipation shooting down into her abdomen. Their eyes met and she knew her own look mirrored his, full of heavy desire.

In that moment it would have been so easy to go to him, kiss him and find somewhere they could truly, finally be alone and allow all the tense atmosphere that lingered between them to explode as their bodies came together. But Joss felt that same flick of nervous energy nudge at her, that nagging thought that there would be no turning back once they took that last final step. Things could never go back to how they had been once they'd slept together, and a name kept swimming into her mind, unbidden... Jessica.

Joss suddenly grinned at him, dispelling all the pent up attraction, and turned, taking a run and jump at the pool without a second thought, in the naïve hope that she could outrun those primal feeling urges too. The water engulfed her, cold and delicious and refreshing, and she emerged with a gasp and a flick of her soaked hair, just in time to see Billy as a blur as he too jumped into the pool, full on cannonball style, sending a massive splash into the air that rained down around Joss' head.

In the aftermath of the chaos, the pool seemed ominously silent and the water remained unbroken as Billy didn't resurface. Joss brushed the droplets out of her eyes and pushed her legs to move her around awkwardly, the water slowing her movement. Her gaze scanned the dark blue water, unable to see anything but her own reflection.

Just as she was beginning to worry that he'd managed to crack his head on the bottom, she felt a sudden tug on her calf and only just managed to stifle a scream as she was jerked under. The grip loosened almost instantly as she pushed herself back up into a breath of air. When Joss had got her wits back enough to understand her surroundings, Billy was in front of her, laughing his usual immodest, self-assured laugh.

"Hilarious," she deadpanned, which only made him laugh more.

Billy began to do a lap of very smooth breast stroke, proving just how good a swimmer he was. He looked effortless, his body sailing through the water as if it was only air.

"So," Joss began, "you hear anything about the gossip going around school today?"

"No," Billy said with a shrug, continuing his lazy slow swim. "Not been anywhere near it today, or anyone else."

"Well, it seems we were noticed last night, at Starcourt," Joss said.

"Huh, so your disguise is busted?" Billy didn't seem the least bit concerned by this revelation, in fact he seemed almost gleeful at the prospect of her downfall.

"No," Joss said quickly, "no one recognized me, but they do think I... or this semi-imaginary girl you were with, slapped you."

"What?" Billy said, laughing, not taking any of this information as seriously as Joss had hoped.

"They think you got a black eye from some girl that you tried it on with." Joss hoped this would clarify the situation.

Billy just laughed.

"Aren't you worried at all, that people think that?" Joss said, surprised by how easily he was taking this.

"Nah." He did another lap, coming a little closer. "I don't really care what people think."

Joss now laughed. "I think you do care, usually, but why don't you care about this?"

"Because, I can just deny it or say it's bullshit. Whatever. Who cares."

"It's that easy for you?" Joss said, moving her arms to swirl the water into ripples around her.

"If you want to make it easy for me, you can just come out as that girl and save me the hassle."

Joss let out a burst of contemptuous laughter. "That is never going to happen."

"Stranger things have happened." He quirked an eyebrow at her, somehow his expression came across as patronizing.

"Not in this lifetime," Joss countered.

Now Billy was swimming close enough that the wake of his body made her own bob a little in the water and Joss moved away, determined not to be caught by him yet, swimming into a shallow area where she could place both her feet on the bottom, the water coming up to lap just above her waist.

"There are other rumours too," she continued.

"There always are," Billy said, dismissing her, but then caught sight of her expression and relented. "Well?"

"About Jessica."

"What about her?" Billy said, seeming still wholly unconcerned.

"Is any of it true?"

He gave Joss a reproachful look. "Is what true?" He laughed in a way Joss really disliked, that made her feel small.

"That you dated her, only wanting to get her into bed, and when you got it, you dumped her?" Joss tried to keep any judgment out of her tone even though that was exactly what she was currently doing.

Billy didn't stop his progress through the water but turned his body over with an elegant movement, now performing a leisurely backstroke.

"I dated her for a while. That is true."

"And the rest?" Joss pushed.

"What part exactly do you want me to confirm or deny?" He let out that shitty laugh again.

"All of it."

"That's kinda personal stuff, right?" he said, before dissolving into a fit of mocking laughter.

"Did you only want to get her into bed?" Joss asked bluntly.

"Well, it was part of it, sure. But isn't that what people our age are meant to do? Want to fuck each other?"

Joss made a sharp sound of distaste at that answer.

Billy let out a a deep sigh and rolled his eyes. "Jessica was fun until she wasn't. Sure, it was fun getting her to loosen up, but I never forced her, if that's what you're asking, in a shitty round about way. She wanted it as much as I did, she just needed a nudge. Her parents are super religious so she'd been taught anything physical was bad. So everything, a kiss, a touch, was a sin and a major thrill for her. She got off on it and I got off on seeing her get turned on. The challenge of winning someone over always makes things more fun."

"Did you tell her you loved her to ease that 'challenge' forward?" Joss asked casually.

"No." He let out a deep condescending chuckle. "I just told her how fucking hot she was and how much I wanted to touch her, she practically jumped me where I stood."

"So, what happened?"

His eyes flicked to Joss as if he was silently deciding something, then he shrugged. "She got clingy and I couldn't stand it."

"Clingy how?" Joss was curious now.

"She was all over me, every second of every day." He let out a sigh before adjusting the tone of his voice to something mockingly higher and girl-like. "Billy can we go here? Billy don't do that. Billy don't drink. Billy turn your music down, it's too loud. Billy don't smoke here my parents will smell it, maybe you should quit. Billy don't work out so much, I don't like it when you get all sweaty. Billy you should cut your hair shorter so my parents will like you." He sucked in a breath before returning to his usual deep tone. "Blah, blah, blah, fucking blah." He puffed out each word with complete contempt. "I felt suffocated. When I didn't want to hang out she'd call my house, constantly, and that pissed off my old man. He said I was messing around with some stupid chick while I should have been focusing on school. That I was a fuck up."

Joss felt rebuked but not fully at ease. "Jessica tells a different story."

"I bet she does. I dumped her ass right in front of everyone just so she'd fucking stop."

Joss felt a creeping discomfort crawling through her. She'd thought the worst of him when the answer seemed far more complex than a simple right and wrong.

"She was talking about long term shit and I wanted no part of that. Sometimes things are just what they are in the moment, like what we have right now." He came to a smooth effortless stop near Joss, finding his feet and standing up to his full height. "Why the twenty questions about my love life? I thought we agreed, no personal stuff?"

"Am I a challenge too?" Joss asked quietly.

Billy rolled his eyes again, but then seemed to come to the understanding that she was being serious, and his expression flickered with uncertainty before seeming to settle on something that sharpened his gaze, his look suddenly intense and antagonized by this line of questioning. "What little birdie has been singing in your ear about me?"

Joss glanced away from that look, feeling it attempting to rummage through all her most private thoughts. "It's just gossip that goes around," she said, trying to shrug off the tension.

"Just gossip?" He looked affronted. "Coming from someone I know doesn't like gossip, that sounds like you're being a damn hypocrite."

Joss knew he was right but she couldn't let this go, not until she had an answer, so she returned her eyes to his, and with a lot of effort held the direct contact, her expression telling him this was non-negotiable.

"Life is a challenge, right?" he tried, but saw this wasn't going to wash with her in this moment. "You and me, it's just easy." He finally relented. "You never want anything from me in return."

"I do want something," Joss said, sending a splash of water towards him.

"Oh? You do?" Billy splashed her playfully back, and while she was too busy turning away from the attack, he made his move, his palms sliding against her bare stomach and curving around her hips up to her waist, finally catching her. "What do you want then?"

"I want honesty. Just bare bones facts, no games."

"I thought I was already being honest? And no games sounds like no fun," he said, pulling her towards his body.

Joss let out a frustrated sigh and looked away, knowing she was making this harder to understand than it needed to be. "If we take things further," she said, pushing her palms flat against his chest, preventing him drawing her fully into his arms, "I need to know that you're not just going to drop me like I don't matter. I don't want to be your girlfriend or the love of your life," he let out a little snort of arrogant laughter at her words and Joss slapped a hand lightly against his chest in demand that he listen, "but I don't want to be just another notch in your bedpost. I don't want us to end like that. I want us to still be, you know, friends."

"Friends don't usually hang around in secret night meetings in pools wishing that they were skinny dipping." He smirked and Joss had to resist the urge to fully pull back because she knew he was being intentionally obstinate.

"Friends can do whatever they want, as long as they can still be friends after," Joss said, feeling a blush rise across her cheeks. He really was going to make her spell this out.

"Whatever they want, huh?" Billy hummed out the pondering question. He nodded as if finding this a very novel idea. "Well, I'm being honest when I say, right now, I want you."

Joss let out a hiss of laughter. "I guess that's the best I'm going to get, right?" She allowed the pressure to lift from her touch and slid her hands up his chest, past the curve of collar bone and shoulder, her palm coming to rest upon his cheek, eyes glancing over every feature, trying to capture each part of him in her memory. Because this all felt like a moment she'd want to keep safe and hidden, only available when she wanted to recall that one unbearably hot summer night in 1985 when she had, for once, allowed someone else to reach out and briefly find her.

Her fingertips brushed near the cut on his cheekbone, trying not to show the sympathy she felt on her face as she traced a path up to his hairline, thumb grazing brow bone, noticing the pale scar that cut across one of his eyebrows, her mind instantly wondering if he'd got it in a similar way to all the other small little injuries she'd seen upon him recently. Joss wanted to reach over and place her lips softly to each wound, new and old, the action telling him she did care, but instead she took what she told herself was her better judgment's advice, that he would rebuff the act of tenderness, seeing it only as weakness. Instead she clasped her hands at the back of his neck and her body naturally moved forward, pushing gently against his.

"I want you too." The pull towards him felt too strong to fight anymore and her whole body pulsed with the deep beat of her heart as his chest pressed against hers, the thrill of what was about to happen between them sending a tremor through her in heavy anticipation. "I just don't want things to get messy between us."

"You keep saying that, but I think you like all this secrecy. I think you like things messy."

He moved before she could protest, lips dipping against hers in a soft and lingering kiss that reminded Joss somehow of warm rain droplets on a sultry evening. He pulled back, sweeping a wet strand of hair off her cheek, his eyes looking into hers, dark blue as the water surrounding them and just as unreadable as to what lay beneath the surface. Then he moved again, mouth glancing against her throat, against the already bruised skin as he kissed and nibbled his way to her shoulder and then up her neck again in lingering pressure as his mouth worked upon creating a few more tender bruises. Joss closed her eyes at the sensation, intoxicated by everything he was doing, the way his hands held her with a firm strength, able to quiet any resistance should she try and pull away, but she didn't want to, she didn't want to stop him, she wanted more.

His lips came back to her mouth and they became lost in each other for a long moment, lips glancing softly, tongues exploring with a slow rhythm that told of barely held back restraint on both their parts.

When they finally came up for air, she was breathless, her lips slightly tingling from the pressure and their eyes connected again and Joss knew there would never be any going back for them now.

Chapter Text

Joss felt like the kiss between them could have gone on for only seconds or lingering minutes, but she was fully lost, lost in the moment, lost completely in his arms. Everything he did was a well thought out battle plan of seduction, hands skimming bare skin to what little soaked clothing remained. Every water droplet left beaded on her skin was disturbed by his exhaustive exploration as he teased and squeezed his way to that final edge that would send them both over into something else. No longer just friends, and not serious enough to be exclusive, but something more complex and harder to define. A tangle that Joss knew may in the end bind them closer or splinter them apart.

"Hey! You damn kids! What are you doing? The pool's closed!"

Some loud drunken shouting came from the direction of the bar, breaking Joss and Billy apart in surprise and both their heads snapped to the source. Two guys had spied them through the fence and seemed to be taking great joy in bringing attention to their near-explicit romp.

Billy and Joss exchanged a panicked look before they both made for the edge of the pool, hearing the amused shouts continuing behind them. "Hey, go get Fred, he's meant to be the damn security, even though he's already drunk!"

"Shit, shit, shit!" Joss breathed as she pulled her water soaked body out of the pool followed closely by Billy. They scooped up their clothes and shoes and he swerved towards the broken fence where they'd emerged from earlier, but Joss caught him by the elbow, guiding him in the direction she wanted. "No time, he'll catch us!"

"Then where-"

Joss didn't give him time to fully ask his questions and pulled him quickly towards a closed door, turning the handle with an easy click and hauling his body in after her and closing it in one swift movement with a little metallic clang, their rapid breathing the only noise in the complete darkness for a moment.

"So, I'm guessing Fred is bad news?" Billy said in a hushed whisper, still slightly out of breath from their flight and the sudden rush of adrenaline.

"Fred is a drunken asshole, who will give up after five minutes if he can't find us," Joss said.

"So, this isn't your first 'Fred rodeo'?"

"No, but I know how to avoid him. They never lock the changing room doors, I think they're broken. Come on," Joss said, giving him an encouraging tug.

"Wait, is this the women's changing rooms?" Billy asked, his steps slowing, making Joss tug him again, harder.

"Yes, why does that even matter?" Joss snapped, annoyed by the accusatory tone in his voice.

Billy shrugged. "It doesn't, just never been in here before."

Why did it sound like it did actually bother him?

"Well trust me, it smells better than the men's." Joss again pulled him forward and barefooted they made their way silently through the dark cold tiled rooms until they reached a bathroom area with several shower cubicles covered by flimsy opaque plastic curtains.

"It's like a mirror image," Billy said with a laugh, their eyes adjusted to the gloom enough to make out some of the room plan.

Joss pushed her clothing into his arms, which for a brief moment he seemed inclined to drop just to prove a petty point that he wasn't her baggage carrier, but she put her hand to his lips to signal this was no time for macho tantrums. He gave in with a small shrug and accepted his fate.

"So-" he began, about to question all her dubious choices of bringing them in here, a seeming dead end with one way in and out.

"Shush!" Joss hissed as they heard from behind them the same door they'd just come through opening on squeaky metal hinges.

She motioned for him to follow her semi-blindly through the dark, as one hand came to grasp his wrist while her free hand fumbled clumsily forward, feeling various work out equipment on her exploration, the seconds ticking by like the countdown to a bomb. She reached out, searching, hoping, and felt relief wash through her as she brushed against a wooden pole. Without hesitation she plucked the heavy broom from its position propped up against the wall, the exact place she'd left it after her last late night escapade at the community pool. Joss suddenly felt lucky that this whole place was staffed by people her age who had better things to do than even contemplate actually cleaning. She let go of Billy and pulled open the heavy sauna door as silently as she could manage and motioned him frantically inside with her, carefully allowing the door to close gently.

Then with a quick movement she placed the broom through the loop of the door handle, sliding it all the way to the brush head, preventing the door being opened more than a few centimeters. Joss glanced up at Billy and gestured for them both to lean on either side of the door so anyone looking through the square glass window would only see what appeared to be an empty room. Billy made a twirling hand movement telling Joss to turn away, and she just managed to in time before he pulled off his soaked through close fitting briefs, letting them fall to the floor with a wet smack and then fumbled a moment with his jeans. Joss' curiosity got the better of her and she took a sneaky glance towards his momentarily naked backside as he pulled his jeans into place. She tried to hide the smile that wanted to curl at the corners of her lips at his actions. If they were found now, Joss understood his true concern was not the trouble they'd be in, but that'd he'd have been found half naked, as if the jeans added another layer of manly defense.

A flash of a beam of torchlight cut into the room as whoever hunted them swept it to and fro, trying to discover their hiding place in the changing room beyond the door. Joss tapped a finger to her lips and then placed her palms flat against the wall, pressing her body as thinly as she could and Billy mirrored her movements.

"If anyone's in here, you're gonna regret it!" A slurred voice boomed out suddenly, making them both catch their breath. They slowly relaxed and caught each other's eyes in the darkness and Billy's face crumpled into semi-restrained silent laughter. Joss could feel her own lips twitching and looked away, knowing it would only make it worse to look at him. "I'm tellin' ya to come out now, with your hands high!"

Billy let out a little gasp of laughter and quickly smothered it with a hand, his body racked with shivers of humor.

Suddenly the door was rattled hard, making them both jump and become as still as if frozen in place, but the broom held, and to Fred the door appeared locked. The torch beam shone in for a moment, lighting up the shiny tile flooring and wooden benches, and then it receded with one last rattle of the door.

"Damn kids, how many times I gotta tell them to fix those damn changing room doors!" Fred's voice faded away and then came the metal slam of the main door to the changing room.

Joss let out a heavy breath, as Billy finally allowed a deep chuckle of laughter to escape him.

"With your hands high?!" he questioned, with a look that expressed just how hilarious he thought that statement was.

"Fred thinks he's a sheriff in some old cowboy movie, or wishes he was. He's all bluster. He hasn't caught me yet," Joss said with a cool flick of her still sopping wet hair.

Billy let out a few more huffs of laughter before regaining himself. "I don't know why we even hid from him, what could he have honestly done? I could have laid him out flat."

"Yeah, but that wouldn't have been half as much fun," Joss said, now wringing out her hair as best she could.

Billy let out another laugh, but this time he sounded surprised too. "It kinda was. I felt like a kid, playing hide and seek but with way bigger stakes."

"Stealth," Joss said with a grin. "Being sneaky always has its advantages, no police or assault charges for a start."

Billy shook his head as if still not quite sure what to make of all this. "So, how long do we have to wait until old Fred finds his beer glass again?"

"I usually give it, maybe, thirty minutes? Make sure he's nicely soaked so he's not inclined to come looking again." She reached over to the bench Billy had piled her clothing upon and searched in her jacket pocket for a moment, pulling out a few stubby well-used looking candles which she lit with her own box of matches.

"You even brought your own mood lighting?" He was really laughing now.

"Well, you never know when you might be forced to stay in a dark room waiting out some alcoholic janitor." She shrugged, trying her hardest to play it off cool, knowing the real reason was because the first time she'd done this little trick, the darkness and silence of the sauna room had creeped her out so badly that she swore to always carry a few candles on her in future, should her adventures take her anywhere that made her feel uneasy.

"How long have you been coming here exactly?"

Joss shrugged. "Since last summer."

He laughed again, that expression of slight perplexity touching his features once more. "Wild Tanner, who'd have thought it?"

"Only you, I guess, since no one else knows anything about me."

"Only me," he repeated, and looked at her with a sly grin, that coltish head tilt coming back into full play. "I like that." He reached out, his palm skimming across her upper arm before coming to rest his grip upon her forearm, gently pulling her back to him. His hands came to encircle her waist as he bent and pressed a brief kiss against her mouth. He pulled back, top teeth grazing across his bottom lip in heavy anticipation. "So, where were we before that asshole interrupted us?"

"About here," Joss said, going in for another kiss, and he met it with a passionate return, both their breathing hitching.

Joss slowly drew back, allowing their lips to linger in touch before breaking the contact completely, giving him a look that she hoped he'd not only find highly alluring and inviting, but that conveyed all the desire she felt in this one moment. What she saw in his returned look was animalistic and exciting, his pupils dilated, eyes heavily lidded, and a small smile pulling at one side of his mouth that promised to eat her whole if she'd only lean back and expose her throat.

She kept that eye contact locked between then, her breath catching from the way that smoldering look made her feel. She allowed her hands to roam over his body, down naked muscled biceps and chest to the edge of his jeans, her hands playing for a moment with the buckle. A ripple of slight surprise passed through his gaze at her bold actions, and Joss felt a welling of smug superiority along with a thrill of having control over the situation. She had him in a place she was familiar with, but he wasn't, and Joss found she liked that feeling, of surprising him, of winning whatever the game was they were clearly still playing, despite her semi-impassioned speech in the pool.

She leaned into his body, making sure her damp lacy bra covered chest pressed softly and teasingly against his muscular torso, and purposefully laid a trail of fluttering kisses up his jawline. "Well, I guess I owe you for before, so..." She whispered seductively into his ear and felt him shiver at the glance of her touch across his stomach.

Her fingers worked deftly, undoing the buckle and then his fly and she saw him close his eyes briefly in enjoyment of her touch against the naked skin of his hips as she traced the now open waistband with glancing sensual touches before she squeezed his bare backside with a firmer hand, letting out a little laugh of triumph as he gave out a low grunt in mild surprise. Then Joss moved her touch, coming to his neck and tauntingly playing with a few damp coils of hair she found, with that same self satisfied smirk pulling at her mouth. He allowed her lips to push forcefully against his in another kiss that she was in control of, her caress wandering playfully to stroke and tease him through his now even tighter jeans, and this caused him to let out a soft little breath of a moan against her lips that made her blood thrum in her ears in hedonistic pleasure.

She did one last sweep of caresses up his chest, her touch flickering against sensitive skin as her lips lingered and brushed, barely touching his own in teasing temptation, not giving him the passionate meeting he clearly now wanted. He tried to catch her again and again as Joss moved just out of reach, making their kisses frustratingly and deliberately provoking. She gave him a quirk of another cavalier grin as she pulled fully away, her hands then followed her descent down his body, and she came to kneel before him, her fingers gripping the waist band of his jeans.

Suddenly his hands were firmly at her wrists, preventing her going further with any of her grand ideas, and he tugged her up onto her feet, the strength behind the action almost violent.

Joss let out a little yelp of surprise, not understanding his actions at all and her eyes searched his a moment, trying to find an answer as he held her firmly in place. Didn't he want her after all? Had he changed his mind? Had she done something wrong?

In a fleeting ripple of expression that only touched his face briefly, Billy did look affronted and Joss suddenly left like she was on the back foot, unsure what she'd done to cause this sudden change. Her lips parted as a biting question bubbled up with that exact sentiment, but he spoke before she could.

"Ah, ah," he scolded, like she was a little kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Saints never go on their knees." He was mocking her and Joss felt those words sting at her pride and her foolish notion of wanting to please him.

One hundred retorts and unkind slap backs swirled in her mind but once again he moved before she did, tugging her to him in a hard pull that made her collide with his chest, startling her all over again. She looked up, still caught in his vice like grip by both wrists, feeling suddenly like a fly stuck in a glue trap. Her questioning gaze met his eyes, her lips parting again to speak, and then he kissed her so wildly and deeply that Joss felt all the fight rush out of her, her legs suddenly unstable as his mouth look all opportunities to make her feel on fire from his very touch, the uncertainty of the situation leaving as quickly as lust flowed back in.

He pulled back, an unkind grin upon his face. "They get lifted up to be sanctified." Why did it sound like he meant the exact opposite? But still, the deep tone of his voice made flaring heat flow through her as she realized she didn't care anymore, about games, or winning, or anything else but wanting him. The warning that lurked somewhere layered within all of this was willfully ignored as Joss allowed him every inch of control he desired, bending to whatever he wanted, because she wanted him. It felt so very simple to just give in.

He picked her up easily, echoing his recent words as he encouraged her to wrap her legs around his middle and slowly, with a few slow and lingering kisses that made Joss feel impatient, he walked them both over to the wooden bench and laid her carefully back upon it, his eyes never leaving hers, as if he was holding her to him with a spell of demanded compliance. Under that watchful flickering ember of dark blue eyed ignition, she wanted to be the fuel that fed him, the gasoline that would finally, fully, burn them both to dust.

Joss felt a rush of hot want settle in her very core, he'd hardly touched her, yet she felt to go a moment more without him taking her was almost unbearable, but when she hungrily reached for him he pushed her back down with a playful yet warning look, before coming to her in his own time, as if everything that came next was only allowed at his express permission.

In that dark room of flickering candlelight it was a flurry of warm mouths and seeking hands that Joss found she couldn't keep up with, and she encouraged him on top of her, thighs encircling his hips, urging him to do what needed to be done. It suddenly felt like time was running out and if they didn't do this now, this tension, this string between them would ever remain taught and unbroken, and that felt as excruciating as the growing pulse of blood that surged through her veins, setting every sensitive nerve into a rhythm of tender aching need.

She longed not only for the very real physical release her whole body thrummed in anticipation of, but the emotional release too, because once that barrier was gone, once the animal instinct between them was satisfied, maybe that truly would be it for them, and they would return to being just friends in the best case scenario... and the worst? He'd leave her alone to carry on with her life and move forward, out of Hawkins with some actual good memories of this place. It felt strangely like a win win situation for Joss because either way, someone had given a shit about her long enough to make her feel alive again.

Joss struggled out of her bra, the sensation of his warm hands against her water chilled skin like a sudden jolt of thrilling new sensation, sending her tottering towards an edge that made her feel wild with a covetous hunger and she bit down hard on his shoulder, making him release a little grunt of pain. Billy laughed as if smug at having provoked such a primal instinct from her and again he pushed her back with a stern warning look, his own mouth finding her neck in a form of sweet punishment for disobeying, and that now familiar delectable soft painful pressure came, making her squirm under him, wanting more, wanting all he had.

At some point in all the sudden heated passion she hazily realized she was fully naked, as was he, and they were pressed against each other skin to skin. They both stilled for only a few seconds, lost in those sensations of feeling every part of each other against their own bodies, the anticipation almost as heady as what they both knew was about to happen.

Joss lost track of everything that occurred in what order after that moment, how many touches and intimate caresses passed between them. But she did remember that one clear startling moment when he took her, understanding with that ruthless thrust of his hips that he had the same unexplainable need to end this game between them, to finally be the victor, and Joss let him have everything he wanted. The win was his and she was willingly felled, gasping with defeated pleasure as they moved and merged in and out of the shadows of candlelight as one.

Chapter Text

Joss dozed against the soft black leather of the car seat, her mind a whirl of everything that had happened over the last few days. She felt exhausted, unlike Billy who still seemed fully awake and wired after their pool adventures, and he was now taking great pleasure in running the Chevy down deserted roads at a reckless speed. The engine roared its now familiar aggressive growls to every slight tap of pressure Billy made on the accelerator, eager to obey his commands.

All Joss wanted was her bed, sleep.

She could hear a low droning of a voice just above the humming of music from the stereo, and it took longer, much longer than she realized, to understand that voice was saying her name, sounding more and more annoyed and impatient with each utterance.

"Tanner?! You still with me?"

Joss felt her body start with a shock of mild alarm, and she jerked her head towards Billy, still blinking sleepily as he gave her a fleeting look of reproof before returning his attention to the road.

"Yeah, I'm still with you," she said, rubbing her face, trying to massage away the tiredness with physical force.

"Did you space out again?" Billy said, with more than a hint of judgment dusted in the inflection of his tone.

"Yeah, sorry, guess I did."

"Just my luck to be stuck with a space cadet," Billy said, an amused smirk and raise of eyebrow making it clear he was unkindly teasing her.

"I'm way more tired than I thought," Joss said, in sudden heated defence. "Besides, you're the reason I'm so tired!" she accused, feeling that familiar sting of annoyance his offhanded candour always seemed to be able to prick her with.

Billy did laugh then, blue eyes dancing with smug satisfaction. "A good work out will do that."

Joss made a scoffing sound. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean the two late nights in a row, it's past midnight, you know?"

"Yeah, well you'll sleep sound tonight." He gave a flick of eyebrow and a roguish grin, obviously very pleased with himself in this moment, celebrating the many perceived victories this night had brought him.

Joss made the same scoffing sound but didn't reply, she felt too tired to even try and fight back. Instead she listened to the music softly swirling up from the speakers and lost herself for a moment in the atmosphere of the dim interior of the car, the breeze floating in through the open window and the nearness of him. The aftereffects of their time at the community pool still flickering through her like sprays of molten metal sparks.

"Trish is having a party tomorrow and I said I'd go. I'll see if I can swing by the arcade after. I'll drive you home," Billy said, in a careless way that made Joss suddenly feel a little stab of ice somewhere down the column of her spine.

She glanced over at him and implicitly understood he wasn't just hinting at seeing her tomorrow, but of going home with her too, and what was more, he expected it without question or approval. Joss had to push back down the little thrill that wanted to break through her unease, the thrill of her spending another night with him and the whole picture her desire fuelled mind wanted to paint of adventurous darkness filled with them exploring each other.

But, Joss knew things were starting to get out of hand, and what she needed was space and time to figure this all out, so she didn't make any stupid mistakes. Even if part of her still wanted to do exactly what they had just done tonight over and over again, that was allowing instinct to take over sensible thinking, and if she allowed that, she really would find herself in trouble. This was all beginning to feel like she was slipping willingly and foolishly down into a hole she knew would be hard to get out of again, and that feeling intensified with each passing night they spent together. This situation was moving way too fast again. As these thoughts butted against her, Joss felt an intense flare of anxiety spread out like grasping tendrils, finding every pulse point and squeezing, making her wish to be anywhere else but here, in an enclosed space with Billy right now. She suddenly wanted to push down hard and violently on the brakes of everything.

"Maybe, we should just take a rain check on tomorrow?" she said, as lightly as she could, her gaze upon the passing scenery as if nothing was wrong at all, but she watched for his reaction in the semi transparent reflection of the glass window.

He frowned. "What? Why?"

"I'd like to actually try and get to bed earlier than midnight before Monday rolls around," Joss deflected.

"We can get into bed before midnight, that's not a problem," Billy said, with a self satisfied grin.

"You know that's not what I mean." Joss wasn't sure how to explain how she was feeling, or if she even wanted to explain anything to Billy, half fearing he would dismiss her, or even worse, see her exposed underside and feel compelled to go in for the kill. "Exams are coming up and I need time to study." It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't really the truth either.

Joss gave him a covert glance, trying to gauge his reaction again, and she could see he wasn't pleased. That feeling of anxiety flared again as it reminded her how little she actually, truly knew him. Outside this car, or the arcade, they were still almost strangers. No matter what had just passed between them, the guy sat beside her was still the same Billy Hargrove she'd seen this past year. She couldn't trust him, despite how friendly or intimate they became in these snatched private moments. Joss couldn't trust anyone, because trust always led to pain.

"Okay, well, I'll just swing by to give you back some of your tapes and take you home, scout's honour."

Joss couldn't help laughing despite her continuing unease. "I get the feeling you were never a boy scout."

He didn't answer, but let out a chuckle that confirmed her suspicions anyway and they fell into a semi-comfortable silence, giving Joss a moment more to think. She just had to toughen up and get a good grip on herself, go along for the ride and enjoy the moment, and not let this situation get into her head. Set clear boundaries between them. This was just a bit of fun and in a few weeks, this would all be a memory, a good one if she had her own way. She felt her nerves finally relax the iron tenseness that had crept into her muscles and let out a sigh of relief. As the silence continued between them, bridged only by the music, the hiss of the cassette turning inside the machine, and the low deep roar of the car's engine, Joss felt the panic ebb away and leaned herself once more back into the comforting lull of the soft car seat.

"So, I was thinking, tomorrow, I might go back to the community pool," Billy said, but his tone held no humour, no fun, and it disarmed Joss for a moment, making her scramble for any witty, cool reply.

"See, I knew you were some sort of criminal, returning to the scene of the crime," she joked, unable to stop herself. He laughed, but it sounded frustrated and forced, and Joss realized he really was being serious. "So, how come?" she said, changing tactics. "Going there make you want to swim again?"

"Something like that. It's been a while. I'd only been there to use the gym stuff, since it's free. I don't think I've swam anywhere since... I was back home. I saw a sign saying they were looking for staff."

"Staff? You want to work there?" Joss blinked, a little surprised.

"Yeah, I'm a strong swimmer, what learning to swim in the ocean teaches you."

There was something about his manner that pricked at her consciousness, the invisible wall he seemed to have erected around himself wavering just a little. Perhaps it was his smug satisfaction of tonight that made him feel more comfortable? After all, a winner never felt vulnerable when celebrating, and Joss knew if she pushed him now about his past, she might actually get an answer, instead of her head bitten clean off. The temptation was too much and she gave in easily, taking the lead of the conversation.

"Who taught you? To swim, I mean?" Joss probed.

He paused and glanced out of the window, doing his very best to avoid eye contact, and Joss knew she had hit a bullseye.

"My mom. She loved the ocean," he said, with a dismissive sniff.

"She the one that got you into surfing too?" Joss said, trying to keep her tone and body language as casual as possible, afraid anything else would shatter this candid moment.

"Yeah. It was our time, out at the beach. Just her and me."

"I kinda remember you saying your dad hated you surfing, but your mom-"

"She thought I ruled the waves." He cut Joss off before she could finish, and although his face remained unmoved, she could hear the smile that wanted to break through in the tone of his voice.

"She sounds sorta cool," Joss said, without adding any expectation to her comment. "Like she cared, you know? About you, and what you liked."

"Maybe once. Just like you thought your dad was everything, that was my mom and me when I was a little kid."

Joss felt that statement hit somewhere tender in her chest, not really because he had opened up about himself, but because it felt like a jibe, a warning that he knew her hurt too, and if she probed too deeply, if she betrayed his trust, he'd be willing to cause hurt in return.

"So, what changed?"

Billy became silent, like he was considering the question, but Joss understood that wasn't necessarily the case. If he held on to his pain in a similar way as she did, he knew the answer, but speaking those words out loud felt like a disconnect between mouth and brain.

"I guess living with my dad became too hard for her," he said finally, with a low sigh, as if he'd given in to peer pressure that wasn't really there. "He hit her when he drank or when he got mad, it was both most of the time. She couldn't even spend time with her friends without my dad accusing her of something. It was like waiting for one of those toys you had as a kid that scared the shit outta you..." He swirled his finger around in the air as if that would help him remember. "You know, the ones that play music and jump out?"

"A Jack in the box?" Joss offered.

He tapped the wheel with two fingers in triumph. "Yeah, a Jack in the box. One minute all smiles, the next, chaos."

Joss wasn't sure what to say to that for a moment, she thought this was the most frank he'd ever been with her, and she felt like her next words would be like walking over fragile eggshells. "Do you know why she didn't take you with her?"

He glanced over at her, and for a moment Joss truly thought he would indeed bite her head off, but his angry scowl slowly turned into something else, something that rippled through his eyes, that spoke of a simmering anger and painful resentment, but a strained acceptance too. "She couldn't, not when she left. She ran out after he'd started on her late one night. I was asleep so..."

"So, she never came back?" Joss' brow furrowed, suddenly wanting to know every facet of his pain and measure it against her own, something she knew to be a morbid and unhelpful compulsion.

"No, she came back to see me a few times, always with a friend, just in case, I guess." He took a moment to flex his fingers around the wheel, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed something invisible and bitter. "She said she wanted me to go live with her. Then she stopped coming by, because my dad liked to mess her around. He'd tell her to come by and then I'd be out playing baseball, that kinda stuff."

Joss didn't have anything to say to that and so she did the only thing that felt right in that moment, she waited patiently for him to continue.

"She'd still call, and I'd ask when she was coming back? How long would it be? And she'd tell me, it'll be soon, real soon, I just had to wait a little while longer."

"Jesus," Joss said, finally understanding how much of a mess the situation must have been for a ten year old to go through.

"My old man, he told her if she didn't come back and take responsibility, he'd take her to court and get full custody, that she'd never see me again." Billy's fingers flexed on the wheel with a disquiet energy. "He said she wasn't acting like a wife or a mother, and I thought he was right because I was real pissed at her." He let out a deep sigh, his thumb starting a rhythmic beat against the wheel that wasn't in time to any of the music that passed through the speakers. "She decided to fight him, in court, which made him angry enough to want to destroy her and so, that's what he did. He had a mortgage, income, stability. She didn't."

"Wait," Joss said, frowning in disbelief, "didn't what you want matter at all?"

He let out a huff of hollow laughter and glanced at her, giving her a pointed look as if she were far too naïve. "No, even if I had..." He hesitated for a moment, as if debating something internally, and glanced at her again, trying to measure her reaction to words he hadn't yet spoken. "My dad told me, all I had to do was keep my mouth shut and she'd come back. I believed him. He said she just needed to learn respect and responsibility, and then we could be a family again."

There was so much left unsaid but Joss felt she could gather some threads together and it wove a picture of control and influence over a young boy that only wanted things to go back to the life he had known, one that had his mom's presence.

"Jesus," Joss repeated. "You were just a kid, of course you just wanted your family together. What your dad did... was really shitty."

Billy didn't acknowledge her words with a response and Joss wasn't really sure if he agreed or not. The drumming of fingers stopped and he clutched the steering wheel with a grip that turned his knuckles white for a few seconds. "Well, he got custody and that was that."

"You never saw her again?" Joss felt truly horrified.

Billy shook his head, and she could see the discomfort in every taut muscle. Joss felt her chest tighten, she knew what it was like to blame yourself over your parents' actions when no child should ever be put in the path of two fighting adults.

"That's messed up," Joss breathed.

"Yeah. Messed up." Billy repeated her words. "My old man said she was always welcome back when she was ready to admit that she was wrong. We moved a few times and at some point the phone calls just stopped completely. I thought, maybe..." He let out another hollow mirthless laugh, as if sarcastically amused by his younger self's thought process. "Maybe my old man had stopped giving our number to her, but he swore he did. I got a cuff round the head for asking, so I let it lie. So I never knew if it was because she couldn't find us, or if she'd just stopped wanting to try."

"Billy..." Joss said, unsure what else to say apart from his name in a low consoling whisper.

"Just before we moved the first time to a smaller condo, she sent the divorce papers, and there was a letter for me."

"A letter?"

"I saw it before my dad, cause it had my name on it." He gave another dismissive sniff and reached for his cigarettes, lighting one up and taking a moment to savor the first deep inhale. "I wasn't fast enough though, he took it right outta my hands and tore it up, threw it in the garbage disposal. He said," Billy smiled as if finding this story sardonically amusing, "she was trying to manipulate me." He sniffed and brushed a finger across the tip of his nose as if casually brushing away any emotion his words caused to bubble up from their locked away depths.

"Billy-" Joss breathed again, shocked by his father's actions.

He held up his hand in a sharp stiff movement to silence whatever she was about to say, the cigarette still smoking between his fingers as his lips thinned in deep displeasure at the mere hint of any sympathy. "Nothing she could have said would have made it okay," he said, teeth grinding together. "She gave up, she stopped fighting, and she left me, knowing what he was like. If that was my kid, I'd have done anything. I'd have fought through fucking fire. She stopped calling, stopped trying, she just stopped."

Joss let out a sigh of full defeat, not knowing what she could or should say to any of this. She felt surprisingly torn in two ways, understanding Billy's anger and hurt, but also understanding why his mother had felt so overwhelmed fighting against a man that seemed determined to punish her in every way he still had control over. There were no clean straight stories here, only jagged edges full of bloodied emotions, and barriers a young boy had put around himself to stop that hurt ever happening again. Joss didn't have any words of wise comfort, or certainty that things would be alright in the end, because so often that wasn't how life worked out, and such words always rang hollow. She had no right to give her opinions or insights on what his mom might have been thinking or why those phone calls had stopped. It could have been anything from Billy's father manipulating the narrative, to the simple fact that Billy was right, she'd finally given up, too tired to fight on. Joss didn't know, because she hadn't been there in the thick of all the turmoil. All Joss could offer was understanding and empathy, not anything to fix or heal his wounds.

"Shit, I'm sorry, that's super messed up," Joss said, reaching out to his forearm, and upon contact she felt all his muscles stiffen under her touch and knew instantly he regretted telling her all this, and any pity was unwelcome. Joss didn't know what he wanted, but she understood in that second he hadn't meant to expose his past quite so openly.

"Look, I hate talking about this stuff," he said, in a way that made it very clear he was now annoyed, and it was unquestionably Joss' fault in his mind for bringing this up at all. "Let's leave my childhood out of what we talk about from now on."

Joss pulled her hand slowly back as if wary of the reaction of a wild animal. The silence loomed over them for a few seconds, uncomfortable and tense.

"I really don't like it when you pull that mind bullshit on me," Billy said, sounding angry and dismissive at the same time.

"Mind bullshit?" Joss questioned with a frown.

He took a long drag on his cigarette and glanced at her, the smoke stinging his eyes before he wafted it away with an impatient, frustrated hand. "You know what I mean."

Joss really didn't, and it took all her effort to not allow the annoyance that bubbled within her to spill into her expression and words. Instead she crossed her legs away from him, her body language brimming with disagreement.

"You wait until you've got me in a good mood and then you trick me into talking about personal stuff."

"Trick you?" Joss spat scorning those two words. "I did not trick you! I was interested in hearing about your past. That is not tricking you! You could have told me to fuck off at any point!"

"Well, I'm telling you now." Billy pointed an accusatory and damning finger at her, his eyes sparking with dark warning. "Back the fuck off."

"Okay, no more 'mind bullshit'," Joss sneered, "no more talking about stuff that happened when we were kids. I got it."

"Watch the attitude, Tanner!" Billy took another harsh drag, letting out the smoke in an annoyed huff. "This is between us, do you understand?" Joss could tell he was getting ramped up and jittery.

"Yeah, yeah," she snapped back, unable to help herself.

"This is private shit. You're dead if you tell anyone anything about what I said tonight, do you understand?" It was a demand, not really a question.

Joss looked out of her passenger window, rolling her eyes to the scenery instead of to his face, knowing that would just make him more annoyed. "Yes, I understand, crystal clear," Joss said with a snort, and returned to watching the hedges and trees whiz by.

It seemed that was enough of a promise for him to relax back into smoking his cigarette and enjoying the drive.

Joss knew she couldn't really leave things this stale between them. After all, he wasn't completely wrong, she had wanted to get him to talk about his past, and her probing had nudged against a boundary he didn't want crossed. She felt it was on her to change the course of the rest of this drive.

"What kind of staff are they looking for at the community pool?" she said, changing the conversation back to what had been the original subject with a breezy air, after a few moments of music had bridged their estrangement.

"Lifeguards and swimming teachers for kids I think, from what the sign said."

Joss almost let out a delighted laugh, but caught it before it could leave her lips. He wasn't wrong, he was a damn strong swimmer, he'd be the perfect choice as a lifeguard - but it took her an extra moment to actually imagine Billy teaching little crying, screaming, hyper children how to swim.

"You think you can handle the kids?"

"I have patience," he said coolly, coming across very aloof, before he finished his cigarette and flicked the stub casually out of the window. "Look how long I waited for you?"

Joss did laugh then, and pushed against his arm playfully, which made him smile, and the unease between them completely disappeared. "Well, a job could be good, making your own cash is pretty sweet."

He nodded. "I fixed some cars here and there for people I know at school, but it's not a steady job, so maybe this is something more reliable."

Joss wasn't fully sure why, but she felt a little swelling of pride build within her chest and reached over, stroking a thumb casually across his bicep. "It sounds like an awesome idea."

"Awesome, huh?" He took a moment to enjoy the word. "Can't be that hard keeping some brats in order, right?"

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." Joss truly meant it, it was good to see him doing something that actually benefited him. She settled back into her seat, once again feeling the warm afterglow of their recent physical intimacy spreading through her whole body, right down to her fingertips. She was surprised to find, this felt good. They'd had a small disagreement but had come out the other side smiling. If Joss was honest with herself, being with him right now felt like the only thing that made any true sense about her life in this dead end town.

Which was all fine and easy if it remained resigned to late night clandestine meetings until she scurried off to her new life, but that wasn't taking into account that life was never that black and white. As whatever this was grew between them, keeping secrets was going to become harder and harder to hide, not only from the outside world, but from each other too. Joss felt a knot form somewhere in her gut and returned her gaze to watching the night sky through her window, unwilling to confront what that knot meant, not now, not tonight.

Chapter Text

Joss stood outside of Billy's Camaro, his window was rolled all the way open as she bent down to speak to him.

"You sure you want to go home?" she asked, hugging herself a little, still feeling the effects of their time in the sauna, as well as the cool breeze that had chilled her skin from the fast drive they'd taken afterwards.

His eyes lingered over her whole form, his tongue poking out between his lips with a humorous energy. "'Want' is a strong word," he caught her arm, pulling her down to his lips in a rough and lingering kiss, "but I'll already be in shit for going out for a long ride." He grinned, pulling away, chewing his gum and giving her a sly wink as they shared the innuendo laden joke. "Longer I leave it, worse it'll be."

"Okay, well, I guess, just be careful?"

He grinned again as if her words gave him pleasure and discomfort at the same time. "Sure," he said, turning over the engine, it revved a moment, and he flicked a hand to his brow in a lazy mock salute of goodbye, before he sped out of the driveway and away up the road.

/

Saturday evening came and Joss found herself at work again. The comforting familiar refrain of Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time' flowed out across the half empty arcade, but did nothing to help Joss' unease tonight.

Joss played with the ends of the bandanna tied around her neck, the material unsubtly hiding several large love bites. Looking in her bathroom mirror that afternoon had been a shock to her system, the blooms of bruises ugly and purple, but she hadn't had much time to think about it all. She'd rolled out of bed mid-afternoon and only just pushed her tired body to walk the long hot way to the arcade by convincing herself that her boss, Gus, would probably fire her if she slacked off from her shift.

Now, stood in the arcade, she found she was jumpy and nervous, looking at the door every time a new customer came in, hoping, but at the same time dreading, it was Billy. Even if she knew he normally came just before or just after closing, no logic would relieve the tension.

What state would he turn up in tonight? She could only guess his behaviour over the last few nights might have drawn his dad's disapproving eye. Staying out to all hours, not even coming home one night, and Joss couldn't help the unpleasant thought that maybe it was her fault too? If she hadn't encouraged him, or given in, or if she had just been more level headed instead of following her own selfish wants, maybe Billy would never have gotten into trouble at all?

With a weighty crawling feeling that made her nauseous and her ribcage too tight to take in a full lungful of air, Joss' mind flashed up the question of what she would do if he didn't come tonight? Her eyes drifted to the heavy, bright orange, rotary dial phone, the plastic circled numbers mocking her. She didn't even have his number. She didn't know where he lived, or have any way to check he was okay, and not lying bleeding on his bedroom floor, or worse... She chewed her bottom lip, feeling the queasy feeling grow, the sensation had started to mimic a true stomach-ache.

Joss felt helpless, she wanted to extend an understanding hand to him and have him take it, but in reality she knew that was highly unlikely. This wasn't a romantic movie and things wouldn't fall into place like a storybook, she wasn't the hero and she couldn't save him from an unfair life and run off into the sunset. Nothing she could say or do would help him, not until he wanted it, not until he was ready. Joss didn't know if he ever would be, she wasn't even sure if he could see himself as any kind of victim to what his father did. In fact, Joss thought he would despise that label with a heated fury.

But, it all felt so wrong, knowing what he went home to every day, how did he function living under such a heavy shadow of threat and violence for so long? Joss could only begin to imagine how warped that made the world around you, having a parent hurt you in an effort to control you.

In this situation Joss was only some random girl who he had known for a few months. She had no experience of what Billy was going through, and no clue what she should do to support him, if that was even possible.

Distant, emotionally cold parents, a strained home life, school bullying, Joss had that down pat, but physical and emotional abuse at home? In truth Joss knew nothing about it. She didn't even know if she was the right kind of person to offer to try and help, or if she could do anything to even extend that offer that wouldn't be angrily rebuffed. Joss felt handcuffed to a different reality, trying to reach him across a great divide, and in reality, she knew he would never reach back.

As the evening wore on, sunset turning to darkness, she buried herself in the work, talking to her co-worker Mark, or rather letting him talk at her, until there wasn't enough work for two people on such a slow Saturday night and she told him to go on home. After that she busied herself with chores that wouldn't need doing until next week. Starcourt really was taking all their customers and soon this place would be closed and gone, another small store gobbled up into the belly of corporate greed.

A group of young teenagers crowded the counter and she went to see to their needs, exchanging each note for coins as they hustled and shouted a conversation over each other. Joss noticed amongst them was the very same red haired girl she'd seen get out of Billy's car a few months ago, his step sister, Max. Joss had seen her with this group many times before, they were regulars, perhaps even one of the reasons why this place was still standing.

Normally, Joss minded her own business, not allowing her mind to wander to the very real fact that this was Billy's sibling, whether in name only or not. Joss had done a pretty good job of separating her private time with Billy and his real life, which, now faced with a growing ball of worry and Max right in front of her, suddenly felt like a gaping chasm to try and jump.

The teens scattered, leaving just one dark haired boy behind, he was digging into his pockets, over and over again, as if he'd lost something, his large eyes widening in horror as he fully realized he didn't have the money needed.

"Will! Come on!" A kid from the group called out to him with annoyed impatience, and Will's eyes rippled with dismay. "We'll miss our spot!"

Joss could see him beginning to panic, whether by forgetfulness or just not having it, he clearly didn't have any money left.

"You lose your money?" she said, making him jump and stare at her, his lips trembling for a second before he replied with a shy shake of his head, making him seem so much younger than his actual years.

"Okay," Joss said, reaching subtly into the cash drawer and pulling out a handful of coins. "Here's your change," she said, loudly enough for the other kids to hear.

He dithered for a moment before opening his palm and Joss poured the face saving objects into his grasp. "Go have fun," she said, finding some faux important chore behind her, not waiting for a thank you, or a chance for him to give himself away and suffer embarrassment.

When she turned back he had joined the rest of his friends with a big goofy grin on his face, already enjoying the rest of his evening, and Joss smiled, feeling just as happy about her good deed.

/

Kids had begun to filter out, and only a few, determined to beat the next level, still hung around. Some parents came in to tear them away, but the group with the kid she'd helped before still lingered. Joss thought the overly generous amount of coins she'd provided might have something to do with it.

Joss' music had taken over the speakers a while ago, 'Danger Calling' by Icon swirling into the arcade. She opened her own wallet, and placed the money she'd taken back into the cash drawer, knowing she had to make the books balance at the end of the night.

She watched Max for a moment as she played her umpteenth game of Dig Dug, eliciting groans from the boys around her as she once again got the high score. Joss worried at her bottom lip again, feeling the familiar unpleasant sting as she broke the skin and silently chastised herself for the bad habit.

Joss supposed she could just go and ask, she could reach out and ask Max how Billy was, if he'd made it to that party. But, in truth she feared the answer. It could, after all, be anything from Max 'didn't care' to Billy was 'at the party on a date'. It felt like a question loaded with ammo that could hurt in so many ways and leave her exposed to curious eyes. It would mean stepping out of her cloaked existence and being noticed, fully perceived by others. No longer just the random overlooked staff here at the arcade, but someone with a connection to someone they knew. That made people take note and remember you. Joss knew Billy would hate her asking and prying too. She wavered between the choices, her eyes nervously following the group, knowing time was slowly but surely running out.

Finally, after a moment more of watching, and chanting the word 'coward' around her head more times than she would have liked, Joss decided she would ask Max as casually as possible if Billy had gone to Trish's party. She'd catch them just before they left, hopefully she could be somewhat discreet, play it off as just a nonchalant inquiry.

Joss saw a guy who looked around her age enter the arcade and go over to the group, obviously an older sibling here to pick up a few of them, impatient to get on with whatever he deemed more important than his kid brother's enjoyment.

Maybe Joss had missed her chance after all?

The older guy spoke to them a moment, and the kid she'd helped, Will, stepped away with him, talking privately for a moment before he returned to his friends. A request for five more minutes, Joss guessed.

With a small ripple of surprise she saw the older guy turn upon his heel, his eyes searching for a brief moment until they found her, and then he started to approach the counter, his body language a little uncomfortable. His hands were stuck deep into his pockets until he seemed to realize this wasn't the friendliest way to approach a conversation, and instead ran his hands through his hair with a nervous energy, as if unused to such direct confrontation.

Was she in trouble?

"Hi," he said, upon reaching the counter, avoiding her eyes for a second before meeting them. Social interaction was as fun for him as it was for her, apparently.

"Hi," she said, smiling with all the customer service savvy she could muster.

"Hi," he said again, nervously touching his hair.

"Hi," Joss said, with a raise of her eyebrows, "can I... help you?"

"My little brother." He gestured behind him, and Joss' gaze went to the group of teenagers, the younger brother now watching them in between trying to be involved with whatever game his friends were playing. "He says you gave him some money?"

Joss shifted her weight from one foot to the other in sudden discomfort. "Yeah," she said slowly, "did I do something wrong?"

"Oh no, no," the guy said, waving his hands in an over dramatic reassurance of his words, "I just wanted to pay you back, for helping him. He spent all he had, but his friends, I guess they had more."

"Oh." Joss breathed out, relieved. "Well, good. I mean, not good that he spent all his money but..." She shifted again on the balls of her feet.

He was getting his wallet out and Joss suddenly didn't want her good deed undone, she reached over, stilling his hands with an impulsive firm grasp. "No need, really," she said, with meaning and a forced smile.

He didn't pull away from her touch but looked at her directly, mildly surprised and confused by her actions.

"It's my treat. Those kids are always in here, they keep the business going." She pulled her hand back with a jerk, realizing sheepishly, she was still clutching a stranger's hand. A burning flushed through her cheeks before she could stop it.

"Well, I mean, that's kind of you, but..."

"No, really!" Joss said, a little more harshly than she'd intended. "My life has been full of bad choices lately, so it felt good to do something good. You're doing my conscience a favour." Damn, did she really mean that? Was what she had with Billy all a bad idea? It seemed, subconsciously, her mind thought so.

He looked a little awkward, glancing away but smiling now. "Sounds serious," he said, and this made Joss laugh, any tension between them breaking as they both relaxed into the moment. "Well, thank you," he said, with true meaning, and Joss felt that warm flood of contentment her good deed had brought come back in satisfying gentle waves.

"You're welcome."

He put his wallet away. "I'm Jonathan." He offered his hand out in greeting and Joss shook it.

Joss hesitated only for a beat before she gave in, not seeing the harm in being honest in this situation. "Joss."

"That's my brother, Will."

Joss smiled over at the kid and gave a little wave, alerting him all was indeed well and he could go back to his game, which he did without a second thought.

"You go to Hawkins High?" Jonathan asked, making polite, if still strained, small talk.

Again Joss had to fight against her instinct to not answer with the full truth. "Only for a few more weeks. You?"

"One more year for me. But I can't wait to get out of there." His honesty made Joss laugh and he laughed too, as they both seemed to share a nervous energy of silently hating all the social bullshit that came with high school.

"I hear you," Joss said, still chuckling, and looked at him with a genuine smile of commiseration.

"Well, I gotta get them home. I said I'd only be thirty minutes, my mom will get all freaked out." He winced as if wanting to retract those words. "Maybe I'll see you around? Nice talking to you."

"Yeah, you too," Joss said, actually meaning it.

He turned and took a few steps towards the group of kids, before turning back and smiling a sincere smile at her. "Thanks again. For, you know... being so cool to him." She saw him wince again at his own words, which only made her smile more, wanting him to know she understood.

"No problem," Joss said, and he walked away to his unenviable task of wrangling up excited teenagers who had probably drank too many sugary slushies.

Joss went back to her chores, smiling and humming along to the music to herself for a few moments, putting away various things into a lower cabinet. Now her mind had completely swung to the opposite choice, she wouldn't bother Max, or make Billy annoyed that she'd asked his step sister questions about him. Joss had asked Billy to keep what they had private, and he'd respected that, the best thing she could do was the same for him, and not bring any unwanted drama to his doorstep.

If he didn't come by tonight, she'd look up his telephone number in the phone book, and if she still felt jittery she'd call him once she got home, but with a little time she'd probably have talked herself out of doing that too and would just wait to see him at school on Monday. By then all this imagined theatre would be over and done with. Joss would be glad she'd let it be.

She finished her tasks, closed the cabinet door and rose to her full height, still humming along to the music as she turned around to see Billy was leaning on the counter. Joss's eyes widened in surprise for a second before she pulled herself together.

"Having fun?" he said, chewing on his gum with angry determination, and Joss finally saw his look was thunderous and his eyes a steely blue, fixed right upon her with intense displeasure.

Joss shrugged, playing the jolt of relief at seeing him off as coolly as she could. "Not really." She took a second to study him, taking in his angry expression, and her mind started to race. Had something happened at home? Was he hurt? Her eyes darted across him in covert surveillance, she couldn't see any new cuts or bruises. "Just the usual."

He laughed, tilting his head at an angle to look at her in a certain way that Joss really did not like, that felt suddenly condescending, his mannerisms full of contempt. "That's the usual?" He jabbed an angry finger to indicate just what he meant, but Joss didn't follow his lead, feeling to take her eyes off him now would prove a mistake.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, getting irate herself at him waltzing in and spoiling her good mood.

"Chatting real friendly with every guy that comes on in?" he said, his eyes angry blue fames that were alert to every word she'd now speak in contradiction, every treacherous movement her body made to give her away, ready to jump on any failing.

Did he mean Jonathan? He had to, the only other 'guys' in here were all kids under fifteen.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Joss said, her defences rising. "Look, if you are in a bad mood, just leave, okay? I don't have time for this bullshit!" Joss' own anger grew to meet his, ready to do battle.

"Bullshit?" he repeated, with a spiteful laugh that held only mocking humour, and, keeping direct and wrathful eye contact, he deliberately spat his gum onto the carpet. "Whoops." He deadpanned out the word with a sharp edge of distinct cattiness.

"What are you, a god damn kid?! Why'd you do that?" Joss was so stunned by his actions, her voice was much louder than she'd intended.

His face had lost all hints of laughter now, stern and relentless eyes watched her, making it clear he wasn't playing. "Go clean it up," he said, staring right at her with a thousand-yard stare she felt intimidated by. The look seeming to say Joss had crossed a line she hadn't even been aware existed between them. "Isn't that your job?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Joss said, making to turn away from him and go and clean up after his childish behaviour, before someone stood on the damn stuff and pushed it into the carpet, making the job to remove it twice as hard.

Before she could take one step he'd caught her forearm in an iron grip and pulled her towards him, jerking her body slightly over the counter with an unnerving, barely contained rage, that Joss could feel vibrating through all his tense muscles.

"Don't ever disrespect me again! Do you understand?" he said through gritted teeth.

Joss stared at him, thoroughly stunned at his blatant misunderstanding of what he thought he'd seen between her and Jonathan, and his ridiculous accusations of her now doing something that was near blasphemous in his mind, by her merely defending herself.

"Let go of me," she hissed back, not even willing to dignify any of this or her actions with an explanation now, he'd lost that chance the moment he had grabbed her.

His grip tightened, pinching her skin, pulling her further towards him.

"You're hurting me," she said in a harsh whisper, her eyes meeting his in what felt like a silent battle of wills.

When he still didn't release his hold, she pulled herself roughly from his grip, shaking him off with a few backwards steps, her breaths a little labored from a rush of sudden adrenaline. She could see his jaw set in determination, his gaze sharp and zeroed in on hunting her down, and for one frightful moment Joss thought he'd launch himself over the counter.

"Hey, everything okay?" The sudden interruption sliced through the tension of the moment and Joss looked over to see Jonathan stood nearby, a concerned but determined look upon his face.

Joss looked back at Billy, who glanced down, laughing and shaking his head as if this was all some ridiculous storyline in a soap opera.

"Billy?!"

His name was a harsh demanded question, and the attention of all three went to Max, who had stepped forward from her group of friends with a tenacious and indignant energy spiking off her. Her light blue eyes connected and held Billy's a moment in a look that warned him his mere presence was unexpectable. Joss saw something unspoken pass between the step siblings, and from where Joss stood it looked like it was a sort of recognition on both sides, an agreement that had clearly just been broken.

Again Billy shook his head. "Jesus," he breathed, his teeth gritting together in tense resentment. "What, Max?" He spat her name out like it was something thoroughly distasteful.

"What are you doing here?" The accusation from her was just as spiteful.

Billy sniffed. "Susan wants you home," was all the explanation he offered.

"That's presumptuous of you, to think I would want you to take me home," Max shot back, clearly used to giving out just as much hostility as he threw at her.

"Not my choice, Maxine," he said, pointedly, and Max's face instantly tensed into a frown of grumpy resentment.

"Don't call me that," Max said, and it was undeniably a warning.

The tension between the step siblings hovered in the air, threatening to turn into something explosive, and Max's friends gathered behind her, seemingly ready to take up any fight she decided to take part in. But, surprisingly it was Max that decided to defuse the situation. She glanced back to her friends and her expression softened, she made a subtle movement with her hand, the silent gesture telling them she could handle this.

"Let's go then," Max said, with a roll of her eyes, and turned away from Billy, deeming him completely unimportant, giving all her attention to her friends as she said her goodbyes.

Billy pushed himself from the counter with an unconcerned air, giving one last casual look towards Joss that she took to be a warning that this wasn't finished between them. He began to walk away as if he didn't have a single care in the world and no confrontation had just happened at all. As he passed by Jonathan his head quirked in his direction.

"Eat shit, Byers!" He stilled for a second by the door. "Max, let's go! Now!" he said, clicking his fingers loudly, and Joss saw Max stomp over to him with a look of pure disgust on her face.

"What are you even doing here?" Joss heard Max begin to say, "we agreed no more..." But her voice was lost as the door swung closed.

Joss watched them both walk fully from sight into the dark parking lot, before she let out a breath of relief and Jonathan deemed the situation defused enough to speak, walking over to the counter, his brow wrinkled in uncertainty. "You okay?" he asked.

Joss found her voice was lost for a few seconds, shocked into silence, and felt the tremor of trepidation leaving her body in a rush of sudden exhaustion.

"What the hell is his problem?" Her voice was way too high to her own ears.

"Hargrove is bad news," he said, as if this explained everything, "he's a bad guy."

She stared at him a moment, quelling the ridiculous urge to defend the guy that had just grabbed her, unprovoked.

"Do you know him?" Jonathan asked, and to Joss' ears it felt like an accusation.

"A little, he comes in sometimes."

Joss didn't know what else to say, and she could slowly feel the unpleasant crawling feeling of eyes upon her, and knew, without looking up, that anyone left in the place was, and had been, watching this whole scene unfold.

"He beat Steve Harrington to near a pulp last year. I mean, he could have killed him. He's just a really bad guy," Johnathan repeated, with a caring that tugged at her to listen.

"King Harrington?" Joss said, speaking before her brain could engage, knowing she knew that name well. She heard it in relation to Lori's gossip all the time and a memory of last year forced its way in to her mind, of Lori pointing out the limping battered and bruised form of the once most popular guy of Hawkins High, Steve Harrington, who had looked like a shadow of himself.

Some said he'd suffered a concussion after that beating, and he'd become more reserved at school, losing all his 'cool points' as Lori had put it. In fact now Joss thought about it, she was in the same year as Steve and couldn't say with any certainty that she'd even noticed him over the last few months. Everyone at school knew he'd had a fight with Billy Hargrove, because Billy had waltzed into school with a few war wounds of his own and people were at least smart enough to put two and two together and make four. Neither side had ever admitted who their opponent was openly, obviously not wanting the root cause of the fight to be public knowledge.

Jonathan nodded. He looked back at the kids before turning back to Joss, his voice lowered. "It was over his sister, I think. He didn't want her hanging out with some other kid." Joss felt there was way more to this statement, but found she really didn't want to know the details right now. "Do you mind if I stay a while? I can give you a ride home if you want?" Jonathan said with a thin smile.

"But you have to get back, right? Your mom? The kids?" Joss gabbled.

"I can see you don't have anybody else here with you, and I don't want to leave you alone after that. My mom will understand and the kids can wait until you are finished up. You'd be closing up around now anyway, right?" He said pointing towards the clock.

Joss nodded, knowing he was right, and gestured to where the phone sat, feeling shell shocked from the whole event, but also suddenly grateful to not be alone. "You can call your mom if you need to."

/

Jonathan stuck by his word and stayed until Joss had fully closed up, a task she did in a rush, not wanting to keep him or the kids he was responsible for any later than needed, and also knowing she'd probably have a few complaints about her sloppiness from Gus next time she saw him.

Jonathan gave her a ride home, squashed between two kids in the back seat who seemed to have everything and nothing to say about a whole array of subjects. For the first time in a long time, Joss actually enjoyed all the chatter and clamour, feeling the warmth of being around others without any true anxiety of judgment. Although Joss still sometimes felt like an alien observing human social connection, it still felt good to be part of something, even if it was only for the duration of a car ride.

"Thanks," she said, getting out of the car and coming to Jonathan's open window.

"No need to thank me. We gotta look out for each other, right?"

"We?" Joss questioned, with a confused frown, and a small flare of concern at just what he meant by that 'we'.

He shrugged a little hopelessly. "People, I mean."

"Oh," Joss let out a relieved laugh at his awkwardness, "yeah. I guess so. Well," Joss had to stop herself saying another thank you and instead settled on something far more neutral, "see you around."

Jonathan gave her a wave and drove off to a chorus of goodbyes and chatter from the kids, leaving her to return to her longed for bed, to try and figure out what had just happened, and more importantly, what this now meant for her and Billy.

Chapter Text

Joss took her time getting ready for bed, feeling a little dramatic with her song choice of 'Find Another Fool' by Quarterflash, but she needed something bitter and brimming with annoyance to match her mood.

She pulled the large old t-shirt over her head and flopped onto the bed, trying to gather her thoughts. What the hell did Billy think he had seen? More importantly, why did he think it was okay to put his hands on her like that?

She stared up at the ceiling, seeing the flickering of light waver above her as the breeze nearly blew the candle on her bedside table out completely. How could someone who had caressed and kissed her with such sweet passion only the night before, suddenly turn into someone she felt she didn't know?

This was the same guy who had sat with her on an intimate drive home and told her how he had lost his mother because of his controlling abusive father. And yet as soon as his anger flared, he stepped into those shoes, as if he had no choice but to do exactly what he had seemed to condemn, as if he had no control over repeating a toxic embedded mantra.

Joss knew he was better than that, she'd seen him be better than that, and yet part of her mind tugged at the truth that he had always been this way. She just didn't want to admit it now he was a part of her life. Before they'd met, she'd seen him as a bully and a womanizer, and he was still that same guy, it was just he had another side too, but both co-existed in a way that sat like a pound of lead within Joss' stomach. The echoes of what he had said about how his father had treated his mother, accusing her of cheating at the slightest infraction, of her being 'disrespectful', hadn't Billy held those exact same sentiments towards Joss tonight?

Joss couldn't understand why he wouldn't rebel against everything his father was. It was precisely what she had done, bucking and fighting against becoming like her own parents, acting out in the most childish and teenage ways when she'd gone to live with her dad. She'd fought, tooth and nail, but maybe Billy didn't have that option? Joss couldn't know how life was for Billy because her parents hadn't laid a violent hand on her since she was a pre-schooler and even then, it had been a sharp stinging slap to the back of her legs in reprimand of very bad behaviour. She'd never been afraid of her parents.

She was still lying there, trying to figure out her own jumble of thoughts, when she heard a light, steady tapping against the glass of her window. Slowly she sat up, looking puzzled, until a little stone plopped itself neatly on her floor, coming in from the slightly open window.

She heaved herself on to her feet and kicked it out of her path with annoyance, already knowing what she'd see, and there below her window stood Billy.

"Seriously?" she whispered, loud enough for him to hear, as she crossed her hands protectively across her chest.

He held up his arms in a lazy gesture of defeat.

Joss rolled her eyes, and with deliberate slowness, made her way downstairs, wanting to make him wait every damn second. She reached the door and latched it, opening it only as far as the chain allowed.

"What?" she demanded tersely, leaving all small talk behind.

He was already stood on her front step with an expectant expression. "Can I come in?"

"No."

He laughed in that shitty mocking way she hated. "Well, can we at least talk?" He made another defeated gesture with both hands, indicating he thought she was being highly unreasonable.

"No," she repeated, looking straight past him with no emotion, silently saying tonight was not going to be his night in any way.

"Come on, don't you think you're being a bit over dramatic?"

"What I'm thinking is, it's nearly midnight, I'm fucking tired, and some idiot is throwing rocks at my window!"

"Well I would have called, but I didn't know your number," he said, matter-of-factly, his smile now trying its hardest to charm her, but Joss wasn't falling for it, not this time. "I didn't know if your mom was back home, so..."

She sighed lowly, losing patience. "Just say what you came here to say and go."

"Okay, Jesus!. I just came..." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his posture squirming with discomfort. "To, you know, tell you, I think I did over react... a little, and-"

"Oh, you think you overreacted, huh?" Joss retaliated, not giving him an inch of understanding.

"I saw you getting all friendly with Byers and I just got mad, okay?" He gritted his teeth across each word as if it had been extracted under intense torture.

"Not okay." Joss tried to close the door, having enough of this run around conversation, but he stopped her, placing a hand firmly on it and preventing her tactic of a surprise end to their conversation. She would have pushed back in anger, but now he wasn't wearing his denim jacket, Joss noticed a red mark upon his arm, and this made her pause just long enough for him to wedge his weight behind the action, making it impossible for her to shut the door completely.

"Look," he reasoned, as he continued trying to worm his way out of the tense situation, "I was being a dick, okay?" He sounded angry that she was forcing this confession out of him, not sorry. "Is that what you want to hear?"

Joss scoffed. "What I want to hear? I don't want to hear anything from you right now."

Joss tried again to shove the door closed but he easily stilled her attempt with another casual push of his hand. "After the day I had, you'd get mad too if you saw..." He stopped, his eyes glancing away, his words faltering.

"And what exactly did you see?" Joss knew she was being stupid, taking the bait, but she couldn't help herself.

"My girl flirting with some freak. He was touching you and you were smiling like you liked it, what was I meant to think? His eyes were all over you. Any guy would have been pissed." His tone sounded so judicious that her body prickled with resentment.

"Jesus! You make it sound like we were at third base right in front of everyone!" Joss spat. "Not that it really matters, or is any of your damn business, but he was not touching me or lusting after me, he was thanking me for being kind to his kid brother. We were not flirting." Joss offered no further information on her and Jonathan's meeting. "And I am not your girl," she added, as an extra jab.

"Seriously?" Billy said with a admonishing laugh.

"Yes, seriously. We are not exclusive, we haven't made any promises. I am not your anything!"

Billy leant into the doorway, his face coming as close as was comfortable in the small opening the chain allowed, and he laughed, deep and low as if her words were ridiculous. "How can you say that after last night? We are something. Come on, Joss!"

"No! You don't get to tell me to come on, or let up, or whatever! You grabbed me, Billy! You had no right, and nothing you can say now will justify it." She was about to say more, to express that ripple of fright she'd felt when she'd seen how angry he was, but bit back the words, not wanting to give him any weakness to work on. "Move your damn shoulder off my door!"

"The hell? I didn't 'grab' you! I just held your wrist, you make it sound like I actually hurt you."

"You did!" Joss shot back.

Billy's hand darted forward and Joss wasn't quick enough to avoid his grasping fingers, although she had to resentfully admit he was at least gentle this time. He pulled her arm out into the low glow of the porch light and studied her wrist with an intense eye. "Okay, where are you hurt then? There are no bruises. I didn't even grab you hard."

"Oh, so now you admit you did in fact 'grab' me?" Joss said, pulling her arm back into the darkness behind the door.

"I'm just using your words."

There he went, twisting everything to his own advantage. "Well use these words, screw you!" Joss said with a sneer.

"Very mature," Billy taunted, and Joss knew he'd somehow gained the upper hand with her bluster of anger, and hated it. "Come on," he wheedled, sensing he had won something unspoken between them, "seriously, it was a mistake. I didn't mean to get pissed, it just happened. You keep telling me I'm not a machine, well there's your damn proof." That felt suddenly like a low blow to Joss, using their previous conversations to turn her own words back on her.

She gave him a withering look. "Can you really tell me you will never act like that again and actually mean it?" Every inch of her radiated with disbelief.

"Yeah," he said, his eyes connecting with and trying to hold hers to him in a similar way as he had in the sauna. "I can."

"I don't trust you," Joss spat, avoiding being caught by him by looking down.

His hand pushed a little more against the door, knowing she was mere seconds away from trying to close it again.

"You know, most girls would find me getting jealous a turn on," he said with a little smirk and sniffed as if covering up the expression and glanced away. "It means I give a shit."

"Lucky me," Joss said, narrowing her eyes. "Get your damn shoulder off my door!" she repeated, and smacked her palm against the door panel in anger.

Billy seemed unfazed by her outburst and smiled as if enjoying her getting so heated. "Jesus, Tanner, calm down. It's not that serious. If you don't like it, I won't do it."

Joss let out another scoff and crossed her arms across her chest, still not meeting his eyes.

"I'm only just working out what you like," he smiled, drawing his teeth across his bottom lip and rolling his tongue over the words with sensual insinuation, "and what you don't. Are we gonna kill this over that? Everyone deserves another chance, right?" His face was serious, his eyes now gleaming with intent, demanding she look at him until she felt she had no choice.

Joss felt her anger relenting a little as their gazes connected, and somehow his words and look tugged at her. Was she really being unfair? Everybody did stupid shit sometimes, did that mean she should write him off completely? They'd had far more good times than bad so far. She felt her thoughts ball into one big confusing mess.

She pushed the hair back from her face, feeling aggravation at everything that had happened over these last few days running through every fibre of her being.

Her eyes flicked to him, lingering over his face, trying to see if he bore any other new injuries. "Are you... okay?" She bit the words out through slightly gritted teeth, not wanting to ask them, but knowing it would eat away at her all night if she didn't.

"Sure," he said, trying to catch and hold her gaze again with his. Joss avoided it, looking past him, not wanting to give him any further advantage.

"At home, I mean?" she pushed.

"Nothing I can't handle."

She could feel his detached bravado façade coming up like a wall between them, and finally looked at him again, her eyes coldly telling him she wasn't going to be placated with macho bullshit tonight.

He scratched a distracted finger across his cheek, knowing that he had been cornered. If he wanted them to move forward, he'd have to be at least half honest with her.

"Just some harsh words," he said, giving in. "A few bouts of name calling and a few hits of his belt. I'm fine though, it didn't hurt." Joss' eyes went instantly to the red marks upon his forearms, welts that although hadn't broken the skin still told a despicable tale. "Honestly." He grinned, trying to laugh off the tension.

"Why was he mad this time?" Joss mumbled, feeling her wall of anger begin to fully crumble.

"It started with with him wanting me to pick up Max instead of going to Trish's party, and by the fourth bottle it turned into me messing around with some chick he doesn't approve of."

Joss felt a little ripple of shock run through her. "What kind of 'chick' doesn't he approve of?" Joss asked, wondering if, in reality, it was her causing all this drama in his home life, just as she'd feared at the arcade.

Billy pushed a hand through his hair, clearly pushing back his own annoyance too. "Just someone older," he said, with so much forced calmness that Joss could almost see him physically squirm.

"Older?" Now that had really put Joss' thinking off kilter and she fumbled with her own thoughts, trying to make sense out of his words.

"I'm not, he just always thinks I'm up to no good," Billy said, with a small smug smile that hinted that was exactly what he was up to most nights. "It was pretty tame, he'd been out drinking with Susan half the day, so he didn't have much conviction."

Joss let out a heavy breath, knowing despite all this information Billy was still not welcome in her house.

"Then you should go home, before anyone notices you're missing."

"He's passed out until morning," Billy said, smiling like he was winning some kind of victory.

"Then you'll be able to sneak back without much trouble."

"I thought maybe..." his smile sharpened to a hungry grin, "we could..." He glanced back behind her to inside the house and he licked his lips in heavy insinuation of those next unspoken words.

"Goodnight, Billy," Joss said, and began to push the door closed again.

"Wait, wait!" He pushed back lightly, suddenly understanding at once he was on thin ground. Joss could tell he was using all his energy and mask-on charm to stay cool when this situation was not going how he had planned. "Are we okay?"

Joss drew her shoulders up in aloofness. "I don't know. Let's talk another time."

"Okay," Billy said, moving away from the door, "but we'll talk, right?"

"Goodnight," Joss repeated, and this time he didn't try to stop her closing the door.

Chapter Text

Monday came around and Joss told herself it was only a few more weeks before she could walk out the door and never return. She still hadn't figured out her direct escape route from Hawkins entirely, but she was slowly forming something that could become the threads of a plan.

Now her freedom was so close, it had all suddenly started to feel real, not a distant future that would someday come to pass, but one that needed thought and preparation, an anchor to reality. She'd had months, years even, to come up with a well thought out map, but now she stood on the precipice of independence, it felt strangely daunting. Maybe she'd thought this day would never really come and she'd be stuck in some vicious time loop that would spit her out back at the start of her high school years in Hawkins. A prospect that felt like true hell. Now, she was beginning to realize that it didn't really matter how she got out, as long she placed one foot in front of the other and walked out of this town as soon as she could.

Billy hadn't shown his face on Sunday night at the arcade, Joss assumed it was because he'd had a party to attend, as was usually the case when he didn't appear. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet anyway, she was still angry and didn't know if she'd ever feel any different with time, but that was exactly what she needed, time. Joss couldn't also help wondering if Billy was sulking at his perceived 'telling off' at her front door on Saturday.

She supposed she'd find out some answers today at school, even if it was just through one-sided glances in hallways.

Joss looked at herself in her bedroom mirror, taking in her reflection and the cluster of angry looking purple bruises that were on one side of her throat. She was an idiot, why hadn't she thought about any of this when it happened on Friday? The fact that he had been literally marking her with multiple love bites like his own damn calling card, and in places he must have known would be really hard to hide at school, made her feel all the more annoyed with him. When she worked at the arcade, love bites and odd, yet necessary, style choices didn't matter, it was dark and the patrons were way more focused on playing games than checking out what the workers had been up to on their time off. But at school, that was a whole different story.

Joss had riffled through every article of clothing she owned trying to find something that would cover the offending marks but nothing was suitable. She had some high neck jumpers, but it was way too hot to wear anything like that, she'd swelter in her own sweat, never mind look like a complete weirdo in this heat.

She'd already had to resort to wearing jeans thanks to the large love bite Billy had left on her upper inner thigh, and all the little bruised imprints left by his fingers as they curled around her outer thighs. Short skirts of any kind were out of the question. At least that was an easy fix, if a bit uncomfortable in this weather, but her neck was trickier.

Joss had even resorted to raiding her mom's closet, but it seemed there was no remedy for this with clothing. Even the bandanna she'd got away with wearing around her neck at work, couldn't cover it all without looking out of place, drawing too much attention to her glaring fashion choice, and people at school would notice.

The only thing she could really do was try and cover it with make up and keep her denim jacket collar turned up and her hair loose. When she had finished smoothing and patting the, too orange, foundation that her mom owned, into her skin, she eyed it with a discerning eye, knowing it really wasn't going to fool anyone who bothered to look closely. Hopefully no one would be paying that much attention to her anyway.

She entered the school doors with a small ball in her stomach and knew it was dread, not only about being caught out for her bad make up job, but also seeing Billy and just how that would make her feel.

"Joss?" Lori called, seeing her across the hallway at the lockers, and bounding over with her usual excess energy. "How was your weekend?"

Joss gave a noncommittal shrug. "It was okay, yours?"

"Not much to tell really, my mom and dad want us to go to Disneyland for summer break. I feel I'm too old for that stuff, but my mom insists no one is ever too old."

"That doesn't sound too bad. I mean Disneyland, right? Better than any weekend in Hawkins," Joss mumbled, with a tight smile and a glance down, hoping her face wasn't giving anything away.

"You sound like your weekend wasn't actually 'okay'," Lori said, eying her with a doubtful look.

"Just... a lot of work, you know?" Joss began to put books into her locker, retrieving some she'd left there over the weekend. She bent over a little, sliding the books into her fixed bag, her hands lingering a moment over the intricate knot now holding it all together.

"Your neck!" Lori let out a low breath before reaching out to touch the side of Joss' neck. Joss quickly batted Lori's hand away, covering the offending bruises with her palm. "Wait! Is that a love bite?!" Lori had the tact to lower her voice to a hushed whisper.

Joss didn't feel she had any true way out of this, she could deny it and say she'd accidentally strangled herself on the washing line or something equally absurd, but Lori would know it was a lie. "Yeah, I had, well, I went on..." Joss found she couldn't truly figure out how to say what she wanted.

"A date?!" Lori finished, with a conspiratorial raise of her brow, her eyes alight with this new gossip. "You had a date?" She sounded both elated and sceptical. "Who with? When?" she rushed, not waiting for Joss to answer a single question.

"Calm down, okay?" Joss said, glancing about them in semi-panic. "It wasn't anything serious." That felt like a lie, it had all felt deadly serious at the pool, and unnervingly serious at the arcade.

"What's his name? Do I know him?"

"No, he's not a high schooler, he's at college," Joss lied, picking whatever came to her thoughts first.

"A college man? What the hell is he doing in Hawkins?"

"He's not from Hawkins, his family live another town over. He's just visiting on summer break, his campus finished early, I guess." Joss was a little unnerved by how easy this story was forming. She had always prided herself on being obnoxiously honest in her own head, and now she was discovering, maybe she didn't really know just what she was capable of when put on the spot? It didn't feel good.

"And his name is?" Lori pushed.

Joss's thoughts raced. "Jerry," she said, and inwardly moaned at her choice of name, the name of the main vampire in Fright Night. She suddenly found herself hoping Lori wasn't a big fan of horror movies.

"What's he like?" Lori continued, clearly determined to wring every tiny bit of information out of this conversation.

"Tall, dark and handsome." Joss rolled off the words without much thought, her eyes glancing around, checking no one was listening in. "It's not serious, like I said. He was just picking up his... cousin from the arcade on Friday and we got talking. We, you know... made out. It wasn't a big deal."

"If you say so," Lori said, giving her a little knowing smile as her eyes lingered over the bruises. "You did a terrible job of covering them, you just made them look like Cheetos." She sighed, and then seemed to have a thought that lit up her face. "Look, come to the bathroom with me, okay? I've got some make up on me that may help."

Joss placed her hand over the love bites again, suddenly anxious that every other person would notice them lighting up bright neon orange in the diffuse sunlight of the school corridor, and without argument she nodded and followed Lori into the girls' bathroom. They checked it was empty before Lori began to wipe the ill-matching make up off with some water and tissue paper, and then Joss hissed and winced as Lori carefully patted some better matching pancake foundation against her bruised skin with a dampened sponge.

"It's not perfect, but it looks a little bit more blended and less, like, noticeable. That guy really snacked on you, you know? Sure he's not Dracula in disguise?" Lori held her serious expression for only a second before she began to laugh and Joss joined in with her own strained half-laughter. "I think this will at least get you through the rest of the day, but when you get home clean it with some warm saltwater, my mom swears that helps stuff heal faster."

"Thanks," Joss said, admiring Lori's handiwork in the mirror.

"And maybe ask him, this Jerry, to take it easy on your neck next time? Those kinda bites are really hard to cover up. Maybe get him to do it somewhere not quite as noticeable?" Lori quirked an eyebrow in teasing.

"I don't know if there'll be a next time-"

"Why? Was he a terrible kisser?" Lori jumped in quickly, not allowing Joss to finish her sentence.

"No, I just don't think we're a good match. He's not the kind of guy I usually hang out with."

"Joss," Lori said, stopping Joss' frantic thought process dead with her wry laughter. "Unless you've been hiding a very secret life from me, you don't really hang out with anyone."

"No, I guess I don't." Joss hummed out a semi-embarrassed laugh and checked her reflection again. "Thanks, for being cool about all this and not making me feel stupid, because I feel stupid." Joss winced as her finger gingerly touched a bruise.

"Hey, I am known for being the coolest, most chill person in Hawkins, so what did you expect?" Lori said, hand on hip, while her other hand came to her chest, covering her heart as if she was taking an oath, before both girls dissolved into giggles. "Besides, it's what friends are for, right?" Lori said, patting Joss on the shoulder with sympathy.

Joss felt a little shock of surprise by the use of the affectionate word, and stared at Lori as if her brain couldn't quite process what had just been said.

"Erm, Earth to Joss?" Lori waved a hand before Joss' face, startling her back into the moment. "We have class in like ten minutes, so, we should, you know, go?"

"Yeah, sorry, I totally spaced!" Joss said, with a little too much forced enthusiasm, but the note of thanks in her expression and smile were genuine.

/

The next few lessons whizzed by way too quickly and Joss was distracted from her own inner thoughts and worries by various teachers and work, until her class just before lunch break. It was one she shared with Billy, English Literature, and there he was, back and in school, the bruise on his face no more than a smudge of colour now, and as far as she heard from her subtle attempts of eavesdropping, no one questioned his absence last Friday.

Joss watched him from her seat in the back corner, twirling her pencil slowly as she tried to decide if she wanted to even talk to him again after Saturday and the shit he'd pulled in the arcade. Whatever the teacher had been trying to teach the class during that hour, Joss couldn't remember because all her thought process was taken up with him and what her next move on this chessboard between them would be. Perhaps some small part of her wanted him to glance over, give her an understated and secret look that only she would understand, acknowledging she existed, that he was in fact actually sorry, but he didn't.

The bell rang and people started to get up from their seats to leave for a much longed for break, some hung around to gossip with their friends. Billy was too engrossed in whatever conversation he and several of the people around him were having, something about what had happened on Sunday at Tina's party, and he let out a low laugh in response to something one of the girls whispered in a conspiratorial tone, something Joss couldn't quite catch.

Billy settled into the curved back of his chair, legs spread, taking up as much room as possible, knee bumping against the girl next to him in a lazy open display of confidence. He continued to listen to the story with an amused half-grin on his face, but his eyes were glinting with an intensity that made Joss feel her breath catch. She'd seen that evocative interested look directed at her when she'd made a joke that made him laugh, or he was into a subject she was excitedly telling him about. Just before something a little dark had flashed through his eyes, changing from humoured attention to desire, and in that moment she'd known he'd wanted to kiss her. Butterflies suddenly fluttered in her stomach at the memory and a shiver ran through all her muscles.

Her finger twirl was put off kilter by that little shiver and she couldn't catch the pencil in time. It dropped to the floor with a sharp clatter, drawing a few eyes to her in casual curiosity, before they turned back to their own conversations, dismissing her mere presence completely in seconds. Joss let out a shaky quiet breath, her eyes widening, she needed to get a grip on herself.

She got out of her seat and searched a moment around the front of her desk, and once she'd located it, she bent, reaching and straining a moment to grasp the pencil from where it had rolled. She finally caught it with a curl of her index finger, scooping it up with a small sound of satisfaction. But before she could straighten up, she felt it, that strange sensation of knowing, without question, that she was being actively observed.

She felt a little prickle of dismay flush against her skin and glanced surreptitiously back over her shoulder to see Billy was watching her while still acting like he was participating in the group conversation around him, his eyes hungrily watching her every move, pupils dilated and ravenous. Thankfully, his friends seemed too caught up in their continued story to notice where his gaze had wandered and, with a ripple of equal parts indignation and thrill, Joss realized he was staring at her bent over ass.

Her eyes connected with his and a faint smirk pulled at one side of his mouth as he took great pleasure in being caught looking by her. She glanced quickly away and straightened up with a jerky movement. She shoved her pencil into her stationary case and pulled all her books into her arms, before leaving the room in what she hoped was a confident strut, determined to not look him in the eyes again and give him the satisfaction of knowing he had rattled her.

Joss walked quickly out into the hallways, her destination set on finding Lori and getting some lunch, and not dwelling on whatever the hell that had been. He'd never even properly, deliberately glanced at her before now, not one single time in all these months. He knew their silent agreement; outside school only.

Why did it suddenly feel like the rules had changed without her knowledge, and now all bets were off? Joss didn't like that feeling, of not knowing what was coming next, and the unpleasant weight of dread in her stomach settled in for the long haul.

Chapter Text

Joss tried to forget about what had happened in the classroom with Billy as she ate lunch. She poked at the food in front of her with very little enthusiasm as Lori chattered on about classes, the private party coming up the weekend before exams started - that Lori had an actual invite to, and a whole array of other subjects that helped take Joss' mind off everything else for a short while.

By the time the school day was nearly over all Joss could think about was leaving and falling into bed, sleeping until her stomach woke her up demanding food, and then she'd sit and watch whatever junk was on TV until she felt tired enough to go back to sleep again.

But life was rarely ever that easy, and she groaned silently to herself at the homework she still had to complete. She had an essay due by the end of the week, her last paper, that was already overdue, it would count towards her upcoming final exam results. She had no choice but to find her way to the library and spend a few hours working on it before she could get that blissful release of being home.

She walked with Lori back to the lockers, getting out her own books as Lori chatted on about this fabled upcoming after-prom party. It was a good thing Lori knew her well enough to know Joss had no desire to attend any of these highly social events, otherwise Joss might have felt a twinge of missing out on something big. But as it stood, Joss felt she'd rather have pins stuck through her eyeballs than attend a senior leaving party.

She supposed Billy would be attending too. She wondered if he was also going to prom as well, another event that Joss had no desire to step fifty feet near, but she couldn't help wondering who his date was if he was going? Everyone who was anyone already had their partner picked out months ago, and Joss didn't think he was the type to leave his choice until the last minute.

"So, it's either blue or green, what do you think?" Lori said.

"Huh, what?" Joss questioned, her attention lacking.

"My dress, Joss, are you even listening?"

"Yeah, of course I am. The blue, I'd go with the blue, it'd bring out the green in your eyes." Joss didn't really know if that was true, but it sounded like something she'd read in one of her mom's magazines.

Lori looked placated if not fully convinced Joss had been truly invested in the conversation. "Well, thanks. Hey, you fixed your bag!" Lori said, pointing out the repair. "That's a cool knot, I didn't know you were a girl scout."

"Yeah, it's holding pretty well," Joss said with a strained smile, not really enjoying this whole game of lying and avoiding, it felt like it grew with each new cover up and excuse.

"Hey, Tanner?"

The deep familiar voice made Joss freeze, her whole body feeling a sudden rush of panic that gave her the unpleasant sensation that she couldn't draw in oxygen for a few seconds.

Her eyes flew to the source, and to her dumbstruck disbelief, she saw Billy was making his way over, his arm slung around his latest on-again-off-again girlfriend.

Joss felt suddenly trapped, her heart beginning a random frantic beat that threatened to be heard by everyone around her as it pounded in her own ears. Her eyes darted a moment for any escape, even though she knew there was none, that this was it, the moment she had always dreaded, becoming gut wrenchingly real. He was going to expose her right here in the shitty musty smelling school hallway. He was going to tell them all she was an impostor, and then she'd become that same outcast and terrified eleven year old that had cried herself hoarse every night because of the prospect of one more soul destroying day here. She'd worked so hard to be just another face in the crowd and she'd idiotically poked the bear that would now be her downfall.

Joss blinked stupidly and Lori gave her a discreet nudge to snap her out of her frozen state.

"Hey," Joss managed to push past her lips, knowing to remain stock still and silent would only seem all the more bizarre to anyone around them.

She glanced at Lori out of reflex, to see her response to all this, and saw she was now looking at Joss with confusion and surprise, that Billy Hargrove was not only singling her out, but that he knew her name.

"Hey Trish," Lori said to the girl with her arm resting lazily at his waist.

"Hi, Laura?" Trish questioned, with a dismissive sigh, sounding like she didn't give a damn about any of their names or company. "Listen babe," she said, directing all her attention to Billy, not even waiting for Lori to acknowledge she'd got her name wrong. "I gotta go get some stuff from my locker so, meet you by your car, later?" She gave him a wink and her hand slid across his backside in a promise of what a good time later would be.

"Later, baby," Billy said, as she walked away up the corridor, his eyes lingering upon Trish's body before flicking back to Joss, as if sheepishly caught doing something he knew wasn't strictly okay. But a smirk quickly replaced any perceived doubt, sardonically enjoying watching her reaction to this confrontation.

"So, you know Joss?" Lori questioned, sensing Joss' discomfort of being targeted so publicly, and trying her best to defuse the sudden tense air that had gathered around them.

"Yeah, Lori, right?" Billy's gaze went to Lori, his expression and gestures all dripping with grinning charismatic charm. But, Joss could see him giving Lori a good sly study, working out what buttons he could push to get this conversation where he wanted, wherever the hell that was. "She helped me out with math the other day, right, Tanner?" He turned his grin back to her and Joss wanted to back up a step.

"Yeah," Joss said, with no real conviction, thankful that the heat had been directed away from her just long enough for her to find some form of composure and not turn into a hyperventilating mess. "Thursday afternoon," she said pointedly, not wanting her time line of the fictional Jerry she'd told Lori about to overlap by mistake.

"Thursday, yeah." He smiled and glanced down as if concealing his need to laugh. "I just wanted to come by and say thanks again, it really helped." He somehow gave a look that was both bashful and predatory beneath a frame of lush dark lashes, using his looks to their full advantage, and Joss saw Lori being slowly but surely sucked in by it.

Joss' mind buzzed, slowly feeling all her heightened emotions drifting back down. If he wanted to expose her, he would already have done it by now, and this didn't feel like a conversation with someone intent on destroying her life. But it did feel like he was pushing, trying his luck, seeing just how far he could take things before she broke. Joss didn't have any intention of breaking and that thought galvanized her, she pulled her posture up a little straighter.

"Joss is a total life saver with notes," Lori said with a giddy grin, seeming to find this sudden attention from someone popular quite fun, despite her previous doubts about Billy.

"Yeah, total life saver. A real saint," Billy said, looking over at Joss with a glint in his eyes, as if sharing a private joke between them, but Joss wasn't smiling. "You girls on your way home? I can give you a ride, if you want?" Joss could feel his eyes on her, searching, lingering at her throat. Was he checking for his love bites?

Lori pushed against Joss discreetly in silent excitement. "I mean I'd love to, but I've got band practice and Joss is going to the library to study, so..."

Joss wanted to groan in displeasure at her plans being disclosed to the one person she felt like she needed distance from right now.

"Maybe another time?" Lori said, with a hopeful look.

"Yeah, another time." Billy said, with a devastatingly disarming smile. "See you 'round." He gave a little flick of finger to his brow in a mock salute and walked off in a confident strut, which Lori seemed to be enjoying a little too much for a moment. Joss stared after him as well, but her reasons were very different to her friend's, and after a few seconds she regained herself and began to fuss over the contents of her bag.

"What the actual hell!" Lori squealed. "You know him? How do you know him?"

Joss squirmed at the questions. "Know is not quite the word I'd use." She decided to keep her answers as passive as she could.

"How come he came to you for help?" Lori asked, not letting Joss off so easily.

"He got a detention on Thursday, I guess, and I was still hanging around after school. He asked if I was good at math. I am, so I just... helped him out. It wasn't a big deal." Joss felt a sour fizzing clutch at her stomach. More lies to count, more lies to try and keep straight.

"Sure," Lori mocked gently. "Dates aren't a big deal? Billy Hargrove owing you one, isn't a big deal? What world do you live in Joss?!" she teased.

"It isn't a big deal," Joss deflected.

"At least it now makes sense why you defended him the other day."

"I wasn't defending him, I just-"

"Yeah, I get it now. You spent time with him, saw he wasn't really that bad of a guy, right?" Lori smiled as if solving a puzzle she'd been working on for a while. "And, I get why you did, I understand you wanted to give someone a chance because you-" Lori cut herself off and glanced away. "It's cool Joss, I get it."

What exactly did Lori think she'd got? Because Joss didn't really understand any of this either. "Okay, it just isn't a big deal," Joss repeated, still feeling that little pulse of panic threatening within her. Lori reached out and touched Joss' arm lightly as if able to sense the unease that had started to spread and consume its way through her mind.

"Joss, it's fine, I get it. You don't have to explain, it's cool." Her eyes were full of a meaning that Joss couldn't really say she understood, but she nodded, feeling somewhat reassured.

Joss let out a sigh of air through pursed lips and closed her eyes a moment, truly trying to let go of the anxiety. "Okay."

"Besides," Lori said with a little mischievous side glance, "I think he likes you a little."

"Me?" Joss said, her voice suddenly too high.

"Don't freak out. He was just looking looking at you, you know?"

"No, not really." Joss tried to play her reply off as completely oblivious.

"Well, you wouldn't," Lori said, nudging her. "I gotta go, I'm gonna be late, but see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Joss said, raising a hand in weak farewell as Lori pulled her bag onto her shoulder and returned the wave. As she watched her friend walk away, Joss' stomach wavered somewhere between that place of fluttering butterflies and freshly poured cement, because if Lori had seen something, who was to say others wouldn't see it too?

Chapter Text

Joss had been in the library for a while, long enough for most of the other people around her to give up on their studies and make their way home, in hopes of rest and a good dinner. Joss had an old, and probably expired, frozen dinner waiting for her, or maybe even spaghetti and canned tomatoes if she could be bothered to use the stove. Neither option was really appealing, and she'd been snacking, half-heatedly and secretly, upon a Skor chocolate bar whenever the librarian was too busy to notice anyone going against the rules of no food or drink allowed.

The librarian had retreated behind her desk for the past hour or so and Joss was glad of it, she was the evil queen of high school record keeping, ready with harsh calls for silence with a sudden sharp 'Shush!' when you weren't expecting it.

Joss supposed the lack of anyone else being around let the stern rule loving cataloguer relax and enjoy her cup of coffee and cookies, while any student would have been thrown out for even the merest whiff of rule breaking. Joss knew it was always one rule for the powerful, one for the grunts.

She glanced up at the slowly ticking clock upon the wall, she had an hour before this place closed at five thirty and she was only half done with her work. Joss sighed, tapping her pen repeatedly against the paper in impatience and yet nothing more would come, just a repeated sentence of how much she wanted to be home, in bed, eating junk food. She thought she maybe had a bag of sour cream and onion chips still in the cupboard, and once she'd remembered it may be there, waiting, it replaced all other thoughts.

At least all thoughts about getting any work done, her mind wandered far to easily to Billy and trying to figure out just what kind of new game he thought they were both playing? He hadn't even really apologized for what had happened at the arcade. Was coming up to her in the hallway his warped idea of letting her know he was sorry? That he did care? Or was he punishing her for not letting him get his way when he was stood at her front door? Was him coming over to her a warning, that if he wanted he could destroy her and make her life hell? Joss didn't want to think the worst of him, but it felt like trying to guess the winning number on a roulette wheel when you had your life savings waged against the outcome.

Whatever the reason was, Joss was pissed, because he'd broken their agreement of not interacting at school, even if she knew he never really took it that seriously anyway, dismissing her concerns with his usual casual shrug and reply of 'sure'.

Joss shook herself out of that merry-go-round of thoughts, if she didn't concentrate she'd be going over and over this train of thought all evening and she had work to do, she had to finish this paper. She looked down at the half empty page and allowed her eyes to linger over the question; 'In Macbeth, explain the meaning of the metaphor 'the rain is crying' in one thousand words or more.

Joss rolled her eyes, she didn't care about rain, Macbeth, metaphors, Shakespeare, or anything else but that dumb bag of chips hidden in her kitchen cupboard.

"Think, stupid brain!" she groaned, and placed her brow softly against the open book before her in full defeat. She gently banged her head a few times, trying to dislodge whatever it was that was blocking her finally figuring this out.

"You nearly done?" The confident, presumptuous voice made her start just as much as it had in the corridor with Lori. Joss' head jerked up, her eyes wide for a moment before she narrowed them in unkind accusation at the guy stood before her, who was all casual bravado and arrogant smug lips.

"What do you want Billy?" she said, without any sweetness.

"I said I'd give you a ride home, remember?"

"No, you offered a ride home, and Lori told you we were both busy."

"Only until you finish whatever you're doing." He placed both his palms flat on the table and leant over, trying to see what she was working on, but Joss childishly covered it, the instinct to not allow him an inch making her want to be pettily obstinate.

"Trish not keeping you busy enough?" Joss asked, with a snide raise of one eyebrow.

He laughed, pleased with her little jibe. "Jealous, Tanner? Feels shitty, doesn't it?"

"I'm not jealous, I'm not interested in what you do in your own time." Joss didn't really know if that was strictly true, it hadn't felt exactly great seeing him with another girl, but she also didn't want him all to herself, she didn't want this to be anything serious. That jumble of thoughts and feelings seemed to be growing in size once more.

"So, you wouldn't care if I took her back to my place and had a little fun?" He clearly sounded like he didn't believe her either.

"I don't want to hear about it at all. It's not my business."

He laughed again, that mockingly scathing laugh she hated. "Yeah, well I could have taken her back to my place, made out, made her squeal a little, but it didn't seem like much fun, as all I could really think about was you." His tongue darted out across his slightly parted lips, causing Joss to focus for a moment upon his mouth, and she knew he had intended to draw her in with that subtle sensual gesture. To remind her just what those lips were capable of. "All alone here, working yourself to the bone." That sounded too much like an innuendo for Joss' liking and she stood abruptly from her seat.

"I'm busy," she hissed, "and I really don't care what girl you made out with today."

"Ouch." Billy caught the beginnings of a laugh in his throat, but it danced gleefully in his eyes. He watched as she walked off into the bookshelves before he began to follow her slowly and Joss felt like she was being stalked with clear intent.

He leant against one of the ends of the shelves with a composed cool air as he watched her search the spines of books with glances of fingertips, his eyes hungrily upon her every movement. Joss tolerated it for a few seconds before casting a blazing glare at him.

"Okay, you want to talk? Let's talk about what happened today! You staring at my ass in front of everyone-"

"Can't a guy just appreciate his surroundings?" he said, brushing off her words with a careless shrug. "Besides, the way your jeans hugged your thighs and ass, it's like you wanted me to look." He licked his lips again, this time with the predatory hunger of a prowling wolf. "It took a lot of restraint to keep my hands to myself. I deserve a medal for not trying to find a way to pull you into an empty room and-"

"Stop that thought right there!" Joss snapped, having to forcefully push away her own little wave of thrill at the prospect of him wanting her so much that he could barely contain the need. Because, even now, as angry and indignant as she was, she wanted him just as much as she had at the pool, and that felt like a dangerous fuse to allow to be lit. "This has gone far enough, you are playing with fire," she warned.

He grinned. "I'm happy to get burned. Why don't you come over here and let me show you how hot it can get?" He gestured with a little motion of his head and a flick of both brows in clear affirmation that she just stroll over and accept her fate.

Joss rolled her eyes. "You know exactly what I mean, stop dodging it by seducing me."

"So, it's working then?" he said, with an amused half smile.

Joss shook her head, ignoring him. "Coming up to me in the hallway for no reason? That's not okay. It wasn't what we agreed."

"I was too busy to come by and talk at the arcade on Sunday, so I wanted to let you know we were still cool."

"Busy with Trish, I guess?" Damn, Joss hadn't meant it to sound so spiteful.

"You are jealous," he said, grinning with openly mean spirited delight at her response.

"I don't know what I am, apart from mad at you right now. I'm mad at you for so many things I can't think straight, and you being here isn't helping my mood," Joss said.

"Well, I can help with that." He moved with a casual determined energy and slid a palm against her stomach, and Joss flinched away.

"Help with what?" Joss asked, startled by his sudden intimate attention.

"Help with you not feeling so mad." He maneuvered their bodies so her back was against the books, his hands coming to glance across her upper arms in a gesture that made Joss feel suddenly trapped.

A ripple of anxiety spiked through her nerves and Joss glanced over to the reception and saw that the librarian wasn't there, before she returned her sceptical eyes back to Billy.

"We had an agreement, no school stuff, remember?" Joss said, crossing her arms.

"So, I can't even say 'hi' in the hallways?" he asked, his fingertips now tracing skittering pleasurable trails across her skin.

"That isn't what you were doing."

"Oh, so what was I doing?" His thumbs skimmed across her collar bone.

"I don't know, but I don't like it," Joss said, brushing off his touch and pushing hard against his chest so he had to move aside and allow her past him. She went a few rows away, starting her pretend search for another book, but Billy followed. Joss felt like he could sense her own lust underneath all the bluster, and in that moment she wasn't quite sure how she'd react if he called her bluff.

"So, you don't know what I was doing wrong, but I have to stop doing it?" he said.

Joss let out a frustrated sigh, how did he always seem to have such a knack for turning everything around to be her fault? He leant on the end of the bookcase, watching her again with that same heavy gaze that she swore she could physically feel.

"Not to mention the damn bites you left all over me. How am I meant to explain them?" Joss said, not deeming him with even a look now.

Billy reached out, brushing her hair aside to see her neck, his touch leaving little electric currents where he made contact with her skin. "I don't remember you complaining when it happened," he said, allowing her hair to fall through his fingers as he pulled back.

Joss felt that flare of annoyance pulse through her and spoke before she could fully think out her reply. "Yeah, well I didn't know."

"You didn't know, what?" Billy asked, shifting his weight as if now very interested, always ready to jump on an exposed throat. Joss knew it, if she told him this, he'd have another weapon to use against her, but she'd already blurted out too much to back out now, so she'd play it off cool, like it wasn't a big deal.

"I've not had one before," she said, with a dismissive sniff.

He let out a breathless laugh of delighted surprise. "Never had a ..." He really was going to make her say it out loud.

"A love bite," Joss said, now intensely interested in the spines of the books.

"But, you told me I wasn't your first, right?"

Joss could feel heat spreading through her face and feared she'd be glowing with it. "You're not my first, but that doesn't mean I've done everything. I'm eighteen not eighty."

"So, how many guys have you-" Billy began.

"Like I said, none of your business," Joss bit back, giving him a steely look that he was pushing too hard now.

Billy let out a snort. "Okay, can you at least give me a heads up if you've not done something then? I can..." he gave her a heavy look that Joss refused to make eye contact with, "...let you know what to expect."

"How will I know if I haven't done something until we try it?" Joss said, glancing at him quickly and biting her lip in reprimand, knowing she shouldn't have replied like that because it sounded like an invitation.

Billy's eyes darkened with that thought. "I guess we'll have to try everything then," he said, with a deep musing air.

Joss made a cynical noise that didn't agree or necessarily disagree. "No more love bites." She gave him another stern look.

"I think they look good on you." He hissed out a laugh, reaching for her hair again and Joss batted away his touch.

"No more school stuff." Joss wanted to say more, to tell him that wasn't the only thing that wouldn't happen again if they intended to continue this between them, but found she couldn't make herself bring up what had happened at the arcade again, not yet. To confront that meant confronting her own principles head on and what she'd said to him on her doorstep, to back up those righteous words with real actions that may mean the end of them completely. Joss suddenly couldn't stomach the thought of him turning right around and walking out of the library, out of her life. Part of her, the part she would never admit to out loud to anyone, wanted him to always seek her out, even when she was angry, even when she couldn't stand him, because it meant she mattered.

"Your friend didn't seem to care, she was almost ready to cream herself that I came over. Lori, right?"

"Don't talk about Lori like that," Joss warned, making direct and suddenly austere eye contact with him. "In fact don't talk about her at all. We said no personal stuff. Lori is off limits."

"Okay, don't get your panties in a bunch," Billy said, holding up his hands in defeat. "But, no one's here right now to see us, so chill out."

"It's still at school."

"But, we are alone." He moved again, his chest pressing against her back, palms following the curve of her hips.

"If we get caught here-" Joss began, looking towards the front desk again, her heart suddenly beating a little harder at either the threat of peril, or the sudden closeness of him. "If someone sees us..." Joss' eyes flicked back to the empty Librarian's desk.

"That old bat has already left to go to the staff room, probably taking a nap or polishing her broomstick. She'll only be back to lock up, in about... thirty minutes," Billy said, glancing at the clock.

"How do you even know that?"

"Lots of detentions," he said, with a smile in his voice. "And I saw her leave. Everyone else has gone home ages ago. It's just you and me." His palms skimmed across her jeans, coming together at her lower midriff and his mouth found her neck, the bruises, his lips briefly glancing across her skin in a way that made Joss shiver. "Do they hurt?" he murmured in between his intimate perusal.

"Mmm, a little," she said, trying to shy away from his attentions, but his hands held her in place, preventing her from breaking the moment.

His lips softly pressed as if trying to kiss away the pain and those little sparks of fire shot through Joss' nerves, sending a rush of raw impatient want pooling in her stomach.

"And here?" His palm slid to her inner thigh, brushing against the love bite concealed underneath her jeans.

Joss sucked in a gasp of air at his touch, the ripple of pleasure and sore tenderness hitting some spot she'd never even been aware of wanting. That noise seemed to be all the reply and confirmation he needed to continue, his touch moving between her legs, the pressure the main thing she could feel through the layer of denim, but it felt like enough to set every nerve there alight and she caught her breath for a few seconds.

His other hand moved, cupping her chest, kneading softly until she was lowly panting in pleasure. Joss knew she should pull away, push him away and storm off in a righteous huff at his thoughtless actions that put them, not only in danger of discovery, but real trouble too. Joss knew that would leave her exposed to phone calls from worried parents, expulsion, gossip and so much more. Yet, Billy didn't seem to care at all that there was a real possibility of them being caught, and his own confidence made it so easy to allow this to continue. In that brief silent moment, only filled with her heavy breathing, the danger just made it all the more exciting.

With an expert flick of his fingers he'd unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, one hand slipping beneath clothing to soft warm welcoming bare skin, and all her attempts of being quiet came out as a little yelp as his fingers searched and found their target. The jolt of sudden electrifying sensation making her reach out and clutch onto the shelving for extra support. She tried to keep silent, but it felt like an almost impossible task. The logical part of her urged her to speak up, to take control and tell him to stop, while the other part, the part she knew would win, just wanted him to push her further and demand more. The feeling of pleasure easily silenced all other thoughts and she allowed him to continue as she lolled her head back onto his chest, panting short little breaths and moans as he worked, gaining speed until she felt she was going to lose her grip, not just on the shelving but on reality. And then it all crumbled in her mind, exploding into a pleasurable humming that vibrated through her entire body in waves that left her feeling winded. She relaxed back against him, her own chest heaving breaths in an adrenaline fuelled rush of the aftereffects of danger and desire.

Once she'd caught her mind and breathing back under control, she grasped his hand and pushed his touch away, annoyed but still elated.

His hand came to rest at her hip as she turned to look at him, unsure if she wanted to smile or scowl at him, because her emotions felt pulled apart, by the real pleasure she'd just experienced and the knowledge that he had just stepped all over her boundaries, and what was more, she'd allowed him to.

He put a finger under her chin, tilting her head and bringing her gaze to his, and he grinned, seeing her unguarded annoyed expression fighting with both complex feelings. "See," he said, placing a brief kiss against her unresponsive sulky lips. "I told you I'd help you feel better."

"I'm still mad," Joss said stubbornly.

Billy laughed, releasing his grip on her and walking over to the table where she had been sitting. "But not as mad, right?" He looked far too smug about this being an indisputable fact.

Joss refused to dignify that with any answer and buttoned and zipped her jeans with a disgruntled air.

"Come on." Billy tapped at her open book and clicked his fingers at her impatiently, and Joss felt a real urge to walk over, pick up that damn book and smack him over the head. "Let's get out of here," he said, wilfully oblivious to her displeasure.

Chapter Text

Once again Joss found herself sat in the passenger seat of Billy's car, driving wherever he wanted to go, a knot slowly tightening within her stomach.

After their little scandalous tryst in the library, Billy had impatiently pulled her along behind him, down the empty hallways, and it was only once he'd bundled her into the back seat of his Camaro, lips demanding and insistent, that she understood why he was so restless and agitated. Joss hadn't been the only one to become hot and bothered by that risqué moment between them, and he was clumsy and eager to peel her out of her warm jeans and give himself the relief he very clearly needed. Being that intimate in a deserted school parking lot, in the cramped and uncomfortable confines of a car, had never really struck Joss as something that would be a turn on for her, but as she was discovering, Billy was helping her reveal a lot she didn't really know about herself. She wasn't sure if that was ultimately a good or bad thing, but on that backseat, fervidly trying to give them both that next heady release, it had felt damn good.

When they had re-dressed and collected themselves back into a semi-suitable state, he'd taken them to a secluded back alley in town and grabbed them both a pizza to go, and they'd driven further out and parked by the side of some rural country road, eating the now lukewarm meal. Joss was hungry enough to eat all her share within minutes, while Billy was more discerning in his eating habits, taking his time, listening to the music and enjoying his food.

Joss sucked a blob of pizza sauce off her thumb, carelessly wiping any remaining oil onto a napkin before scrunching it into a ball in her fist, working at it nervously in her palm as she looked out at their surroundings. The sun was still up but it would be setting soon, and all she could think about was getting back home, working this big mess out in her head, finally sleeping and having some kind of answers by morning. Answers that may put a stop to what had happened today ever happening again.

Right now everything felt too complex to even start wading through how all this had made her feel. She was satisfied physically but inside she was angry with how much Billy had overstepped today, and angrier still at herself for just letting him, the emotions clashing together and making her feel even more anxious and annoyed.

Billy finished his last slice of pizza and then thoroughly and almost obsessively wiped his hands of all grease before he was satisfied enough to lay hands upon any part of his car.

"So, do you want to go check out the biker bar up on Carson's Way? Have a beer? I need to drop something off anyway."

His voice brought Joss out of her bundle of nervous thoughts. "They won't let me in, I tried last year, they said no ID, no beer." She already knew that her opinion wouldn't hold any weight, because he hadn't really been asking her if she wanted to go, just informing her that was what they were going to do.

"They'll let you in with me," he said, with so much confidence that Joss thought it must be true.

"How come?" Joss shot back, wanting to suddenly be combative, and feeling hardly any desire to go to the bar anyway, not tonight.

"After I listen to some of those tapes from Cali, I pass them on to the owner, Hal. So, since last year, he's let me go in sometimes, if I want to see a band or have a beer."

"Figures," Joss mumbled under her breath.

"So, you got shot down trying to go in, huh?" Billy said, with a teasing tilt of his head in mock sympathy.

"Yeah, I missed a great band too," Joss said, still feeling that knot in her stomach, it felt acidic.

"When was that?"

"Sometime last year. I didn't try again." Joss let out a dismissive sigh.

"Well," he reached over, his hand skimming against her knee and moving further up to squeeze her thigh softly, "you don't have to worry about that when you're with me. I'll get you in to the next band you want to see."

Joss didn't brush his hand away but let out a harsh scoff at his words, because they didn't sound sweet or kind, but suddenly possessive and arrogant to her ears. As long as she was by Billy's side, life would be easy, just because she was with him, is what he seemed to be insinuating.

He clicked his tongue in vexation of her ungrateful response, then turned the key and revved up the engine, taking them off and away down back roads to their new destination. They didn't talk, and Joss stared stubbornly out the window, still not quite ready to voice anything about her feelings on what had happened today, not really sure what it all meant yet.

They soon arrived at the bar, and Joss noticed a few bikes were parked outside, but other than that it was exactly what anyone would expect at a bar early Monday evening, near dead. They got out, still in uneasy silence, and walked across the empty parking lot, Joss trailing just a little behind.

As they entered, Joss noticed the lack of any bouncers on the door, the extra security must be only needed on busy weekends and nights bands played. The music within was a smooth rhythm of something mellow she didn't know, a modern upbeat sound of synth and guitars. A little too soft to be classed as hard rock, but too electric guitar heavy to be pure bubble-gum pop.

A few places at the bar were taken by older men, but most, if not all of the freestanding tables were empty. Joss' gaze hovered over the tiny little stage area, where she'd missed so many great bands playing while living here in Hawkins, never daring to come all the way up here again after that first time.

"Hey, Billy!" A deep voice shouted over to them in greeting. Joss studied the guy behind the bar who had spoken, he was maybe in his fifties, early sixties at most, a grizzled biker type with a long handle bar moustache, fringed leather jacket, and a large build that at one point in his life had probably been mostly muscle.

"Hey, Hal," Billy said, with a nod of his head, and dug into his denim jacket pocket a moment before pulling out a tape, holding it between two fingers and waving it enticingly, in the way someone might hold a little treat for a good dog.

"Great!" Hal said, holding out his large palm for the offering. As Billy placed it into his grasp Hal's attention was caught by Joss lingering a few steps behind, and his brow rose in teasing surprise. "And who is this?"

"This is Joss, she's pretty tuned into great music, she's cool," Billy said with a sniff, confirming Joss was to be trusted.

"Christ, Billy, how old is she?" Hal said, getting a good look up and down at Joss and gesturing to her with a casual finger, like she was just an object to be discussed.

"Old enough," Billy said with a bold grin.

"She ain't twenty one," Hal argued.

"Neither am I," Billy shot back, tapping the tape still in Hal's grip as if this somehow proved his point without further need of explanation.

Hal gave a reluctant nod. "Well, just don't make a habit of bringing your dates out here, alright? Women usually mean trouble. Don't be bringing that to my door unless you got the balls to deal with it, Hargrove."

Joss' mind zeroed in on those words, so this wasn't somewhere Billy normally brought his girlfriends? She felt she should feel pleased, but she couldn't feel anything but that knot tightening.

"Got it," Billy said, his grin now a little strained at his word even being questioned.

"I take a risk with you being here, understand, kid?"

Billy's lips twitched, the grin becoming more of a grimace at that patronizing nickname. "Yeah, like I said, got it."

Hal was now engrossed in checking out the the cover of the cassette and he finally nodded as if deciding this was all acceptable. "No trouble, alright?" he warned again, pointing the tape at both of them in turn.

"Hal, Joss is a verifiable saint." Billy grinned, turned and winked at Joss, the action making his earring sway with the jerk of movement.

Hal eyed Joss again. "Really, how old is she? She best not be under eighteen."

"She is eighteen, nineteen next month," Joss said, with a caustic edge.

Hal stared at her in disbelief, as if she was a bar stool that had just sprung to life and started talking, before his droopy moustache quivered and a deep roll of laughter came out of his mouth. "Well, least she got spirit, I'll give her that." Joss' audacity to speak up seemed to have won over the old biker in some way. He looked directly at Billy with a knowing look. "One beer each then you're out, okay?"

"Sounds good," Billy said, licking and pressing his lips together in anticipation of the beer now being poured out of a pump. "Thanks man," he said as Hal passed over the full glasses.

Billy nodded his head towards a place near the elevated pool table and Joss followed him over, feeling a few curious eyes move to observe them as they walked by.

"See?" Billy said, as they both sat at an empty table, and he pushed over the pale golden coloured beverage towards her.

Joss accepted it without saying anything, sipping at the cool liquid and wiping away the foam it left behind on her lips with the back of her hand, as she allowed herself a moment to look around the place. It was dingy, a few neon signs for various beers and liquors lit up the wooden walls, and in one corner stood a lonely pinball machine that lit up and burst out a blast of sudden music every now and again, trying to entice someone over to play it. Near where they sat was an old school style fifties jukebox full of small vinyl records, but right now it was silent and unplugged, the music that sounded through the bar must be coming from a tape deck and speaker system.

Billy tried a few times to get her to start talking about one thing or another, but Joss felt like her whole body had clammed up. This was somewhere she hadn't been before and after today, the last person she wanted to be with in a strange place was Billy.

"You've been sour all day, what's eating you?" Billy finally said, after his umpteenth attempt at getting her to discuss new movies or music.

Joss took a longer sip of her beer and eyed him narrowly, this really didn't feel like the place to start an argument, but she knew a confrontation was brewing, whether she wanted it to or not.

She took another gulp of beer before she finally spoke. "Do you remember the other night, you said your dad was mad that you might be seeing someone older? What did you mean?" Okay, not what Joss was expecting to blurt out, but at least it was just an innocent question to sate her curiosity, not a direct attack; maybe she could keep this civil and build up to what she truly wanted to face.

"I thought you said no personal stuff?" Billy said, with his usual shit eating grin.

"Well, you kinda walked all over that agreement today, so allow me this trespass." Maybe that whole idea of building things up had been a little too optimistic after all.

"Okay. I can play this game, Saint Joss." He grinned, enjoying his teasing a little too much. "I had a thing with this older woman back home."

"Back in California?" Joss said, stating the obvious, knowing she was really only doing so to push him into a corner.

"Yes," he said, through slightly gritted teeth, and pulled out his soft cigarette packet, tapping it on the table in sudden impatience for this conversation to be over.

"Why didn't your dad like it?"

Billy sighed. "Because she was married. She had kids and shit, her husband got mad. It was a mess." He didn't act like he thought it was a mess at all, he was softly laughing, almost seeming proud of himself.

"So, you wrecked a whole family?"

The smile fell from his face and his eyes were on hers in an instant, a warning darkened look to them, as he tapped out a cigarette and played with it a moment, rolling it between finger pads. "She came on to me," he said very carefully.

"Oh, I see. Stupid of me. Guess that makes it okay," Joss said, with a careless shrug, taking another sip of her beer.

"Look, Tanner, you're being a bit of a bitch, so just come out with what you want to say and get those panties untwisted from up your ass." He flicked open his lighter and ignited the tip of his cigarette in one swift movement.

"I was just curious." Joss did know she was being hostile, but after today all she felt was a real need to antagonize him, to pay him back.

"Just curious," Billy repeated with a dismissive nod.

"Is that something you make a habit of? Going after married women? Because I'm starting to see this pattern with you and..." She trailed off, suddenly very interested in drinking her beer and deliberately not finishing her sentence.

"A pattern?" Billy was leaning back in his seat, as if ready to be tortured and not show a single inch of emotion on his face while it happened.

"Yeah, like, the challenge, I think you love it. Got any more lined up? Another Jessica maybe, or another married woman?" Joss said with a snarl of flippant sarcasm.

Billy laughed, his eyes dancing with real glee, and Joss realized with a little drop in her stomach, that he did.

"Who?" The word had slipped out before she could stop it.

"Ah, ah," he said with a Cheshire cat grin, drawing on his cigarette and releasing the smoke in a large cloud that hovered above the table. "I'm a gentleman." He smirked, knowing he'd got her on the back foot all over again.

"Gentleman? You say that so often, but I don't think you really know what that means."

Billy let out a hiss of laughter, the tone and his body language all stating he thought she was deliberately being a combative hellion, while he was just trying to enjoy his beer.

"Well have fun with the chase, I guess," Joss said, relaxing back into her chair, holding her beer and toasting to his future success. When he didn't seem to take the bait, she continued. "So, why this girl then?" Joss felt a little touch of thrill and fear touch the hairs on the nape of her neck, because he couldn't mean her, right?

Billy turned his head to look at her, a smile flickering upon his lips, enjoying this new game and intent on winning, even if he didn't know the rules yet. "She has a perfect life, perfect kids, perfect husband. And a perfect ass," he said, with another smug little puff of smoke.

Joss' ears pricked at all this information, so it was an older woman he'd set his sights on, and she couldn't help her mind drifting to all the fit and toned mothers of this small town. The plummet came quickly after, that she hadn't been the one in his sights, even if in reality she would detest every moment of being his twisted little goal. "And you want to what? Wreck all four?"

This really made him laugh, and when his eyes found her face she could see he was a little impressed with her lewd directness. "Something like that."

Joss made a disgusted face which only seemed to make him laugh more. "You are gross, you know that, right?"

"Nah, you love it." He reached under the table and squeezed her thigh and Joss batted him away, but it wasn't a playful action and he picked up on it, instantly, feeling that mood between them shift, sensing the bitterness behind her actions. "Besides, right now I'm good just here. I just have irons in the fire you know? Always have to have options."

"Jesus, am I meant to feel flattered?" Joss said, rolling her eyes.

He took another drag on his cigarette, connecting with her eyes and holding them to him in a look that said that she should feel exactly that way.

"Besides, I don't think this is really about me," Billy said, with a careful slow lick of his bottom lip. "This is about you, right?"

Joss took another gulp of beer and tried to hide her surprise when she realized she had already drank nearly half of it. "I don't know what you mean," she said, pretending to look around the place, before he caught her with a direct look and held her in place a moment, eyes glowering with a look that dared her to break the connection at her own risk.

"Bullshit you don't," Billy said, rolling the ash off his cigarette somehow provocatively against the glass curve of the ashtray, his eyes not breaking that connection between them. "This is about today, right? Me letting on to you in the hallway."

Joss took another sip, why couldn't she seem to stop wanting to take a drink every few seconds? "Now you mention it," Joss said flippantly, finally feeling she could now glance away, "yeah, that was messed up."

"Look," Billy began, taking a controlled small sip of his own beer. "We had a fight, I couldn't come see you after, I wanted to check we were still cool."

"And you couldn't do that later, after school?"

"Trish had been all over me most of the day, she would have wanted to hang around if I didn't drive her home, and I didn't know if I'd see you later, or if you even wanted me turning up at your door. I didn't know you'd be at the library until your little friend let it slip. So, in the moment it seemed easier."

"Easier?" Joss said with a sour smile.

"Two birds with one stone," Billy confirmed, watching her with a relaxed-seeming air, that Joss knew was concealing a predatory readiness to pounce on whatever she said next.

"What you did in the library was out of line too," Joss said, shifting her focus, finally coming to what the real problems were.

"You didn't seem to be complaining, in fact I think you kinda enjoyed it, or am I reading all your body biology wrong?"

"Screw you!" Joss said, and took a big gulp of the beer, leaving only a fingers worth in the glass.

"Well, yeah, but later, right?" Billy said, with a little raise of his eyebrows in teasing.

"Stop!" Her voice was a little louder than she'd intended and she felt the few bar patrons' attention turn with interest in their direction.

Billy let out a low laugh, shaking his head as if he couldn't take her anywhere.

"No, more school stuff, okay?" Joss said, firmly grabbing hold of her anger and reeling it back under control.

Billy took a last puff on his cigarette and leaned across the table, stubbing it out as he did so, and reaching for her, catching her wrist for only a second before she pulled it out of his grip. "You really do know how to take the fun outta stuff, you know, Tanner?" He didn't sound annoyed, but tolerant and mocking.

"Okay?" Joss repeated more sternly, ignoring what he had just said, determined to get at least one promise out of him tonight.

"Sure," he said with a dismissive hand movement, before he sat back in his seat, that relaxed air hovering around him again.

"And no more jealous bullshit either. If I see you even give Jonathan Byers a sly look, you and me, whatever this is, it's done."

"Whatever this is," Billy said, rubbing his cheek with a distracted air.

"I mean it!" Joss said, and felt the chafing of the fact that he still hadn't really apologized for the other night at the arcade, there was no avoiding it anymore, she had to make her limits clear. "If you touch me in anger ever again, that's it. That's my hard line." Joss bit back the part of her that wanted to blurt out she would never become her parents, exchanging blows and slaps in arguments with the person she was meant to care about. "If you cross it, we are done as friends, never mind anything else."

"Like I said, sure," Billy said, with no real conviction, and Joss had to make the split second choice of if she should believe him, or challenge him. She rose a cynical eyebrow at him, trying to communicate the seriousness of this 'hard line' for them.

"Jesus, you don't have to drag it out, Joss. I don't go back on my word."

Joss assumed that must be true, in all the good ways and bad ways that oath could play out for him. She sighed and chose the easier path of allowing this to be enough, because she was tired of this, tired of feeling so much like a ball of taught nerves over this whole situation.

She glanced over at him, already feeling the beer working on her brain, making it so easy to speak before she'd fully thought out the gaps in her defenses. "So, how long have you been seeing Trish?"

"You just said no school stuff." He smirked and went in for the attack without any hesitation, ready to bring about her undoing by happily pointing out her hypocrisy.

"It's not school stuff," Joss said, knowing it was, and she was stupidly blurring all those boundaries between them again. But her choice was to stew in not knowing, or be blunt and finally get this stuff all out. She could re-enforce her boundaries later, when she knew where the hell she actually stood.

"Not long, a few weeks before we met, maybe," Billy conceded.

"Is it serious? Are you guys like... going steady?" Joss tried to make it sound like a casual inquiry rather than the complex ball of insecurity that it really was.

Billy laughed as if finding her soft addressing of the subject far too saccharine. "It's not serious, it never is with Trish."

"Does she know that?"

"I dunno, Tanner, why don't you go ask her? Have a nice girly heart to heart."

Joss scoffed, trying to keep her expression smooth and uncaring when inside she felt a sting of hurt, because this meant he'd been seeing Trish all this time they'd been together. He seemed to sense the change in her even though Joss tried her best to remain unruffled. She suddenly hated the way he could read her so easily, her lust, her vulnerability, the inconsistency underneath all her put on cool demeanour.

"We just kinda drift together." He quirked up an eyebrow, teasing gently now, a playfulness that wanted her not to take this all so seriously. "Keeping up appearances for the neighbourhood, you know?"

"What appearances?" Joss pushed.

Billy let out a sigh as if frustrated at having to explain basics to someone that should already be aware of what simple high school social expectations were. "If you aren't fucking someone, or at least acting like you are, you start to raise questions."

"Jesus." Joss let out a disingenuous laugh. "So, what? Being single is being a loser?"

Billy slowly pointed at her as if she'd won a pop quiz.

"That sounds freaking terrible," Joss said, truly laughing now, because it was so ridiculous.

"It's just easier, to have someone there, that gets how things are. When we don't have anything better, we just, like I said, drift together."

Joss suddenly felt a little scrape of annoyance touch her, because she felt like she was on the outside of an exclusive club that Billy and Trish could waltz in and out of without being ID'd, while she watched on, barred from even getting a peek inside. After her speech of no more jealousy, she felt like a charlatan and pushed the ugly envy back down. But, he'd said when they didn't have anything better... was Joss classed as better or demoted to just a side hustle? She'd seen him with Trish only today, so what did that mean? She brushed that thought away too, knowing it would have to be confronted at some point, just maybe not right now, all this felt like more than enough to work through for one night.

"Now, you have to give me something in return," he said, the words a secreted dagger she hadn't been expecting.

Joss quirked an eyebrow at him, affronted he'd even ask for more. "Oh, I do?"

"Yeah, I told you two personal things, now you have to tell me something. It's how this stays fair."

"Okay," Joss said, wary now. "What do you want to know?"

"Your first, was he your only?" Billy took another measured sip of beer, eyes staying on her face for her reaction, ready to harshly call her out on any lies he detected.

Joss laughed in self defence. "No, he was not, and no, I'm not telling you about the others either."

"Okay, so just tell me about him then."

Joss rolled her eyes, thinking quickly of just how scarce an amount of information she could give him. "I was fifteen and he was..." She paused, eyes connecting and glancing away as if suddenly embarrassed. "Older," she finished.

"How much older?" Billy said, grabbing onto the information like a dog with a bone.

"In his late twenties, maybe." Joss took another gulp of her beer, finishing it off and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Like what, twenty seven, twenty eight?" he pushed, and he caught Joss' eyes, understanding he was right by the look she gave him. "That's messed up," he said with a snicker. "I can't imagine dating a fifteen year old kid and I'm not even in my twenties yet. That's like only a year older than-" He petered off, but Joss knew what he was going to say. She'd been only a year older than Max.

"Did you date, or?" he asked, trying to bring the conversation back under his control.

"Yeah, for a few months. I was looking for attention and he was happy to give it. Took me a while to see he was just using me."

"Using you, how?"

Joss gave him a long look that stated he knew exactly what she meant, but he raised his brow in confirmation that she'd still have to tell him.

"For sex," Joss said, glancing away, suddenly intensely uncomfortable. "I didn't know anything about having an actual boyfriend, so I guess he thought he could treat me like his personal toy, I don't know. It was fucked up," Joss said with a shrug, eyes looking anywhere but at him.

"It is fucked up," he confirmed, and Joss' gaze slid back to him, she hadn't expected him to sound so serious and, was that a note of anger she could hear? "You aren't the only kid to find older assholes ready to use you up, they are everywhere," he said, with a knowing that made Joss feel like he knew that experience personally, and the thought lit up in her mind.

"That older woman back in California?" Joss said, knowing he'd understand the context.

He didn't nod in agreement or affirm Joss' idea in any way, it was like she hadn't spoken at all, but something flashed through his eyes, more anger perhaps, or maybe indignation?

"People like that are like wolves." He was tapping out another cigarette and Joss suddenly understood this was a habit he took up when he was feeling just slightly unnerved, as if chain smoking helped keep that wall standing strong around him. He lit the cigarette and took a long lungful of smoke in. "They can smell the hurt, you know?" he said, with a long measured exhale.

Joss felt her heart drop at the potential that he had been torn up and used in his past too. He was always so confident, so cool, so sure of himself, that it was hard for her to imagine he had ever been on the receiving end of anything sexual he didn't actively seek out and control. She thought it should have made her feel more connected to him but it just made her feel grimy and dispirited. That for a moment they had both thought some thrill hunter truly cared about them when they were young, stupid and vulnerable. Finding out you were only a smutty fantasy being fulfilled for someone else when they were bored felt pretty devastating. The fact even Billy hadn't avoided that fate felt suddenly obscene to Joss, because he was the strongest, most unmovable stubborn person she'd ever known, if it had happened to him, no one was safe.

"Yeah," Joss said, her voice only a whisper.

"You have to strike first, use them before they get a chance. World evens out," he said, blowing out more smoke, as if they were talking about something trivial.

Joss shook her head, knee jerk disagreeing with what he said but finding no words or will to rebuff his opinions. She reached out for her glass but realized again that it was empty.

"Want another?" Billy asked.

"Hell yes!" Joss said, with no elegance at all.

"It's yours." He gave her a quick smile and a confident wink before getting up from his seat and strutting over to the counter, where he somehow managed to wrangle them two more beers.

Chapter Text

By the time Joss was down to the dregs of her third beer she'd loosened up a lot, all the stress of the day ebbing away, as she enjoyed the music and Billy's company. Finally allowing herself to join in with the various light-hearted conversations he wanted to start, discussing the latest album from a favourite band, or which movies they were hungrily looking forward to seeing later in summer. Laughing at each others jokes, enjoying the suddenly unguarded time.

It felt easy here in this moment with him, that things could be so good when they weren't playing games. By the end of that third beer she was tipsy enough to want to tell him so many stupid things, not only that he was her best friend, the only friend she'd been this close with since she was a kid, but that she wanted it to always be like this between them, relaxed and carefree. Without all the bullshit, just his smile and her laughter to fill up their time. For one fleeting moment she wanted to ask him to run away with her into another life, where they could both start again, and the thought made her want to laugh at how childish and deluded it all sounded in her head.

But, she suddenly wanted to believe it could be possible, that when she left this shitty place behind, he could too, and it wouldn't matter if they were still sleeping together, or only friends. They could try, because they'd shown a little flash of their personal wounds to each other. That bonded you in a way that Joss couldn't really describe or truly understand. It was a type of trust, maybe, that carved out a little space for that other person, a level of understanding that was rarely extended unasked for, but they didn't need to ask, it just, somehow, existed.

As Billy spoke of a new album he had been particularly enjoying, Joss was a little guilty to find she was no longer listening, instead imagining how they could find parking lots to sleep in as they made their long slow way back to California in his Chevy, back to the ocean. Then whatever came for them, would come. True freedom from everything, including whatever held them both bound to this circle of repeated patterns here in Hawkins. The ups and downs wouldn't matter, because on the hardest days and bleakest nights they could pull up memories of times like this, where they had been no more than two lost kids walking hand and hand through uncertainty, able to know they would survive. That felt kind of beautiful to Joss, that no matter what became of them, if they made it through this together, or parted, they'd always have that place for each other. Those thoughts felt so warm, so good, that Joss knew they were a fantasy, a rose tinted way of viewing what they could be if the world was fair, or kind, or perfect.

She quelled down the urge to tell him any of this, knowing she'd sound drunk, and he would only laugh and dismiss her words as beer fuelled chatter, and then bring it up as a stick to beat her with in playful jest when it next suited him. Maybe it was all just idyllic beer fuelled thinking and she was giving them both way more credit than they were really due. Alcohol had done that for her in the past, made her believe in things that seemed impossible and absurd in the sober cold light of day, with a pounding headache and so many regrets. If she told him any of that hopeful, guileless stuff, maybe he'd look at her like she was nuts, like she was the loser she so often feared people would discover underneath her perceived cool surface. Whatever the truth was, Joss knew she was too scared to find out what he'd think if she opened herself up too far.

She zoned back in on the present conversation with Billy, leaving those thoughts behind and the possibilities unfulfilled, telling herself, once again, self preservation was everything.

When they finally emerged from the bar it was completely dark, the night sky clear and full of stars. Joss stood in the doorway light admiring it for a moment before she felt Billy's warm fingers glance against her wrist, tugging her towards the car. Joss watched him walk a few steps before she took the chance to allow her childish drunken side to take over, and with one swift run and jump she'd hauled herself up onto his back, forcing him to give her a piggyback ride the rest of the way across the parking lot, which he bore with only a shake of his head and a disapproving grunt. His hands curled around her thighs, holding her steady with all his muscle and strength, and Joss sighed heavily, leaning fully against him, her chin nestled in the dip of his shoulder, feeling contented with how this evening had eventually gone.

"Don't fall asleep up there, okay," he said, giving her a rough jostle.

"I won't!" Joss lightly smacked the back of his head playfully. "Don't drop me."

As if he'd been asked to do just that, Billy then pretended to lose his grip, allowing her to fall a few inches before he caught her with a measured ease, causing Joss to let out a sharp shriek of panic.

"I won't," he said, with a little snort of satisfaction.

Joss settled herself back into a comfortable position and began to casually play with a few strands of his dark blond curls, twirling them around her fingers as he walked in confident steps, taking them the short walk to their destination. She took that small moment to enjoy being this close and intimate with him, without lust being involved.

"How do you get your hair so perfect?" she mused softly into his ear.

She saw him quirk a glance back to her, his steps slowing, but he didn't offer any reply.

"I mean, it's so fluffy and curly and, you know... defined. My hair never behaves like that, even when I use mousse and hairspray. It always comes out looking like a frizzy poodle." She pulled a golden coil out all the way and watched it spring back, the action leaving what felt like a little waxy product on her fingers. "Do you, like, actually curl it or something?"

She'd meant it as a joke but she felt him stiffen just a little beneath her, probably only disliking her questioning how far he went in his self grooming.

"Yeah, right," he said with a dismissive snarl, but to Joss it sounded uncertain. "My hair is all natural."

Maybe it was all the beer sloshing around in her brain, but that had felt like it had hit some kind of nerve, some thing he didn't want her to know, and that made her feel suddenly mischievous.

"Billy Hargrove in curlers!" Joss squeaked in delight. "Are they bright pink? Because I think that is totally your colour," she quipped.

He gave a grunt of indignation but didn't reply.

Joss closed her eyes and sighed wistfully. "I can see it now," she said, the smile very clear in the tone of her voice. She felt him shift, turning to look at her.

"See what?"

"You, in a cut off t-shirt and tight briefs, perfect neat little rows of pink rollers all over your head. I can picture it oh, so clearly!"

He gave another grunt of dissatisfaction. "Well, stop picturing that!" His voice sounded uncomfortable and Joss let out another delighted laugh, but refused to open her eyes, like the picture in her mind was far too entertaining.

"Oh, yeah, there you go, dancing to some Mötley Crüe now, isn't imagination amazing?" Joss drew out every word. "You are kinda cute when you think no one's watching, you know?"

"Hey, stop!" Billy demanded.

"It suits you, you'd make such a great stripper!" Joss was gleeful in her teasing now, taking great pleasure in his growing discomfort.

"Hey!" Billy slapped a palm against her ass cheek in sharp reprimand, but all he got in return was more giggling.

"So sensitive," Joss said, lowering her voice comically.

"You know, Tanner, you're a terrible drunk."

"Tanner the Terrible!" Joss screeched into the silent night, pushing herself further up his back and extending a fist in a punch of jubilation. Billy flinched at the sudden sound before rolling his eyes. "And, Hargrove the Heartbreak Kid?" Joss poked him in the ribs playfully. "Best stripper names, right? We could do a dancing duet."

Billy slapped her again, just a little harder, which made Joss let out a yelp of surprise before she dissolved into more laughter. "Ow, not so hard!"

"I really will drop you," Billy warned.

"Okay, okay," Joss said, admitting defeat and becoming semi-serious. "But, first," she clutched her arms around his neck in a hold that threatened to strangle him if he even tried to let her go, "will you show me how you got these curls?" Joss giggled, pulling out another coil before letting it snap back into place.

"Shut up, Tanner," Billy grumbled.

He carefully eased her down to sit on his trunk and the playful contented feeling was over as quickly as it had come, and Joss felt the chill of the loss of his body pressed against her own in a moment that hadn't been a game, or a thrill, it had been intimate and light-hearted. Something she found she longed for more from him, but knew would never come easy.

She took a short moment to glance back up at the sky, her eyes finding a few shining bright stars and admiring them with lip-parted awe, and he came to join her, leaning back on the trunk of the car and lighting up a cigarette, his gaze following hers up towards the sky.

"What are you seeing up there?" He squinted, trying to see whatever it was that had her so seemingly fascinated, but after a few seconds lost patience, gave up his own search and blew out a cloud of smoke instead.

"The past, maybe." Joss' voice was a little far away and meditative.

"The past never does anyone any good." Billy sniffed as if he was the professor of past and present knowledge.

Joss glanced back to him, abandoning her search. "Don't you wish, sometimes..." She hesitated, knowing this was going to be an offshoot of that drunken talk she had only shied away from a short time before. "You could go back? Change stuff, or do things differently?"

He sniffed again and cleared his throat with a rough sound before spitting off to the side, definitely a trait Joss hated, and he did so often because of his cigarette habit, but she didn't chide him in the usual way, wanting to hear his answer instead.

"Nah," he said, with another draw on his cigarette.

"Never?" Joss' voice was high in disbelief. "Don't you wish you could stop yourself doing stupid shit or making mistakes?"

He shook his head, letting out a large cloud of smoke as he spoke. "No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because without all that stupid shit and mistakes, what will I get to look back on when I'm too old to care about being right or wrong? You gotta do all that shit to know you lived, something." He was looking up towards the sky now and Joss got the impression he was avoiding looking at her.

"Do you mean just the good stuff... or the pain too?" Joss asked softly.

He shrugged. "Both, I guess." He took a moment to think over his next words. "You gotta know the worst to know when the good comes along."

Joss nodded as if she understood, but frowned as she realized she didn't. "Sounds like sadomasochism to me."

He pointed the two fingers holding the cigarette in her direction. "Exactly. You gotta know pain to know pleasure, right?"

Joss scoffed and crossed her hands casually across her middle. "I don't think that's strictly true, sounds like something some guy would write in to Playboy."

He laughed, giving her a side-eyed glance that judged her playfully for knowing the contents of such a publication. "Only way stuff evens out, only way you win," he said, ignoring her little jibe.

Joss remembered him saying something similar back inside the bar. "Not everything is about winning or losing," she protested, swinging her legs.

He looked back at her, and even though Joss wasn't looking at him, she could feel his gaze as that intense, almost physical touch again. When she finally looked at him, his expression was quizzical, like she might be playing this game with only half a deck of cards. "Yes, it is," he said, with a determined finality.

Joss shook her head, disagreeing harshly with that idea, or perhaps just not wanting to admit that life was that cruel. The winners won, while the losers lost, with no room for any neutrality, it seemed so suddenly bleak.

"No?" Billy blew out a cloud of smoke in laughter. "Well, go on, tell me why losing at life isn't so bad? Let me hear this hippy bullshit." He leaned towards her, cupping his ear in mocking mime of being willing to listen.

"There's always a middle ground." Joss smiled and knew he saw her in that moment as just some naïve idiot.

"When you find that middle ground, you let me know." He took one last drag on his cigarette and then flicked the spent butt off into the darkness of the parking lot. He made to move away, ready to walk towards the driver's side, but Joss caught him by the cuff of his denim jacket, stilling him for a moment and bringing him a few steps back towards her.

She looked up at him, her gaze connecting with his in the silence and allowed herself the rare moment to really see him. His eyes were such a vivid shade of cornflower blue that she could see them even in the dim lighting of the parking lot, framed by a startling amount of dark lashes that would make any girl jealous. When he was at ease and relaxed the effect made him look slightly drowsy, easy-going, even dreamy maybe. He could be the representation of a Gothic Romantic poet with those eyes, and it was difficult in these unguarded moments, to remember the hardness, the sudden coldness that could come into those eyes, turning soft petals to cruel ice.

"When school is over," she breathed, not letting go of her grip, her hand suddenly feeling clammy against the material that was warm from his body heat, "let's just go. Let's drive out of Hawkins and find our own middle ground." Self preservation was for the weak, Joss supposed, and she hoped she was strong enough to take the weight of speaking those words aloud.

His gaze came to study her, and Joss expected those unpredictable eyes to harden, the warmness to flicker and disappear, leaving the space between them frozen. Then he'd give her a smug and teasing look and laugh, dismissing the whole notion as nonsense. But he didn't smile. His eyes remained connected to hers, and warm, so warm that Joss felt them ignite something small and hopeful inside her chest.

His hand came to cup her cheek softly and she welcomed the contact, pushing herself into the warmth of his palm. "It's a nice daydream." His voice was low, deep, and held a note of sentimentality. His thumb caressed the contours of her cheekbone as his eyes met hers once again. "But, it's a daydream, all the same." Although what he said was dismissive, he sounded almost appreciative that she'd spoken those words at all.

"Tell me why we couldn't? We could drive, anywhere we want to go," Joss breathed, her heart beginning to beat just a little faster, because if he agreed now, if he said yes, what they had, it could become something more than lust and mind games, it could become real.

Billy glanced away, his hand moving from her cheek to caress the back curve of his car. "Can't drive anywhere when you don't fully own a car," he said, finally. "So, technically, that'd be theft."

Joss let out a laugh of disbelief. "What? This is your car, you paid for it. It's yours!" She sounded far more angry than she intended to.

Billy sniffed and shifted his weight as if he was now a little uncomfortable. "It's still in my old man's name."

"What?" Joss repeated dumbly.

"He felt bad, after one night when things got outta hand between us, back in California. I was meant to be watching Max and... I messed up. He thought he'd broken my arm and-" He looked down, letting out a laugh that sounded somehow dismissive and fragile.

"So, he bought you a car?" Joss said, feeling suddenly a little sick.

"No!" Billy said sharply, his defences suddenly up. "He helped me get it. He knew I'd been working and saving. I paid for it, I busted my ass. He put his name and the first payment down, that's all," Billy shrugged.

"So," Joss said, trying to understand, "I guess if you just left, he might call the cops on you, is that what you're saying?"

Billy again shrugged. "Maybe. I still have to pay him back, with interest, for that first payment. Then he'll put the car in my name."

Joss looked away, trying to hide her revulsion. "Sounds like he was trying to buy you off and keep you chained."

Billy laughed, masking whatever he now felt with a grin. "He's not always-" Billy stopped before he said that sentence. "There's just more to it, than just right and wrong, black and white. I push him, he has to push back. If it wasn't for him I'd probably be in some jail cell right now."

"Is that what he told you?" Joss said, unable to hide the accusatory tone in her voice.

Billy shook his head as if she was misunderstanding him. "I don't like it. No one likes their parents telling them they fucked up. He pulls me up when I need to be reminded what's important, what being responsible means, that kinda shit."

"Is that what he tells you, too? That you need to be pulled up like a horse?" She huffed out a breath, feeling aggravated with everything he was saying. "I don't know why you stay, you should just drive off, see what he'll do. Screw him!" Joss knew this was an unreasonable request.

Billy let out a laugh, finding her outburst endearing, as if she were a kid that had just been told they couldn't get a second helping of ice cream. "It's not as simple as just running away." He gave her a pointed look that made Joss suddenly feel a rush of heat come into her cheeks.

"Is that what you think I do, just run away?"

He came to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and jerking her a little towards him, pushing his lips softly to hers, silencing Joss' protests before they could even begin. When he pulled back he was smiling, and Joss felt the annoyance of any insinuation contained within his words melt away. It suddenly felt good to be the cause of that smile.

"No," he finally said, "you just fight a little different."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she said, before he kissed her again and again, the kiss deepening into something more, not quite lust, but something that felt like they were taking a moment to truly understand all the secrets they kept safe for each other.

He pulled away and Joss wanted to reach for him, pull him back into her arms and kiss him all over again, to experience that same feeling of strange reverence, but when she looked up into his face she could see he had already moved past it, his mind fully in the present. He turned and made for the driver's side door. Joss took one last brief moment to feel that loss of the moment and glanced up at the stars before she got down and followed his lead, getting into the Camaro.

They sat in the car for a moment in silence and Billy went to flick the key that would start the engine, but he paused, the movement causing the keys to jingle softly in the stillness.

"What?" Joss said, with a sceptical look, knowing whatever he would say next would fully burst the comfortable atmosphere, either with a suggestion that they go back to hers for a little fun, or with some other gesture or words that would make her want to pull away all over again.

"I just think sometimes, it would be easier if we just stopped pretending."

"Pretending what?" Joss asked, her brow furrowing, not understanding what he was getting at.

"That we don't know each other." He sounded suddenly frustrated and Joss really didn't understand where this was coming from. "Don't you get tired of it?"

"I'm not pretending, I'm here with you, right now," Joss protested.

"Would it be so terrible if we just dated openly for a while?"

Joss let out a laugh and turned away, thinking he was joking, but when she turned back his expression had hardened to something between annoyance and indignation. "You already know my answer to that, why are you even asking?" That knot was suddenly back in her stomach.

"I just don't get you," he said, with a deep sigh, as if she was being the most absurd person he'd ever dealt with.

"After everything I've told you, you don't get why I don't want to be in a very visible, public, gossip worthy relationship at school?"

"No one would say anything if you were with me."

Joss was shaking her head before he'd even finished speaking. "No." She closed her eyes, jaded by this entire conversation. "This is me. I'm not pretending. I'm just Joss with you, with everyone else at school I'd have to put on another mask. Be someone else all over again. I don't want that." She brushed a hand against her closed eyelids, feeling suddenly more tired than she had all day. "I just want to get through these next few weeks, okay? Put Hawkins High behind me and get out of this town." She eyed him with a suspicious look. "Why are you pushing this?"

"I'm not pushing," he said, hands palm open on the wheel, his tone one of barely contained resentment.

"I don't want this to be public."

"Whatever this is, Billy said sarcastically, echoing her words of earlier.

"Exactly," Joss said, not taking the bait. "I can't see how dating me openly would be any cool points for you anyway, I'm a nobody."

"I don't care what people think."

"Clearly." Joss didn't think that was true at all. "Apart from the fact you have to have a girlfriend at all times, right? Is that what you want me to be, just there to take the heat off you?" Joss huffed and looked out the window, wishing this conversation was over and done with. "What about Trish?" she challenged, grabbing the fact out of her swirl of thoughts, using it as her shield to push him back. "You think she's going to be happy you've been seeing me behind her back? She'll want to beat my ass!"

"I can handle Trish," he said, with such a condescending air that Joss bristled.

"Oh, so you can police every girl's bathroom can you? What about the moments you aren't around to be my constant bodyguard, to make sure no one decides to corner me?"

He let out a disapproving sigh, exasperated with her.

"Trish won't want to share. She'll kill me!" Joss pushed back harder against his silence.

"Trish will back off if I tell her to. We were never anything serious. Besides you don't seem to mind sharing," he said, with a suggestive lick of his lips.

Something about those words made all of Joss' body suddenly feel overwhelmed by a prickling heat, but she couldn't place the emotion. Anger? Shame? Guilt? Jealousy? It was everything.

"Take me home," Joss said, crossing her arms across her chest, trying to close herself off to any further discussion.

"Okay, that was a bad joke, but you know what I mean. We don't sweat that stuff."

"Don't we?" Joss said, not truly understanding why all this had suddenly made her feel so unspeakably pissed off with him. It was like he was never content, always pushing for more and more until there was nothing left to take. He had to spoil every gentle moment between them, every moment that could mean something more, something real. "You seemed to hate the tiniest hint of me even making eye contact with another guy, but I'm meant to just 'eat it' when you walk around with a girl wrapped around you at school?"

"How many times have I got to tell you? Trish and me aren't serious."

"Maybe until I believe what I actually see! You want me to openly date you, while you still have a girlfriend? Fuck that and fuck you for asking!"

"You know she's not really my girlfriend. I would have said if she was," Billy said, letting out another frustrated sigh, anger gritting between his teeth as he spoke.

"Would you?"

"I'm there when she wants someone and she's there when I want something. It's just a right time and place deal. I haven't fucked her since we got together, if that's what this is all about."

"I feel so much better, thanks," Joss said, with a sarcastic edge, even though that tidbit of information did try to soothe her anger a little, she wouldn't let it.

"I would call it off with her before we let everyone know we were together. I'm not a fucking idiot, Joss."

"That's good to know too. So many amazing things I'm learning tonight," Joss said, her body tense and angled casually away from him, disengaging completely.

"Come on Joss, Jesus, this is a stupid argument and you know it!" he said, pointing an accusing finger in her direction.

"Take me home," she repeated, and she saw his jaw set in anger before he flicked on the ignition and, with no more conversation, he did just as she wanted, silently driving her all those miles home with a tension hovering in the air between them that felt toxic.

When they pulled up to her driveway, she got out without a single backwards glance or word being spoken, closing the door with a heavier hand than was needed. Before she'd even reached her front door, she heard his engine angrily rev and he sped away, leaving her alone, and all Joss could feel was deep relief.

Chapter Text

Over the next few days Joss went into school not feeling anywhere near rested. She had thought she'd finally get that longed for seven hour sleep, without Billy keeping her up all night, but she'd tossed and turned in her bed each time, feeling angry and regretful as hours passed by in the relentless ticking of her bedside clock. Why couldn't things just be simple between them? Why couldn't he be happy with whatever it was they had? Couldn't they just enjoy it?

She stood a moment in the school corridor worrying at her bottom lip, pulling at the skin with her teeth until she tasted the faintest tang of blood. Her bad tendency of causing minimal pain to give some small relief to her anxiety was another bad habit she needed to quit, like so many others in her life right now.

Joss had decided she'd force the distance between them until she felt like facing Billy again. She managed to avoid him for the most part, ducking behind walls and slipping into classrooms, turning the other way when she saw him. She didn't think he'd even noticed her at all, and he hadn't pulled another stunt like he had on Monday when she was with Lori. Joss wasn't sure if that was because he was sticking to their agreement or she just hadn't given him the opportunity.

She supposed at some point she'd have to talk to him, when Friday came he'd be at the arcade and they'd have to face their latest argument on Monday all over again. Maybe by then they'd both have had a bit of time to cool off and see things more clearly. It was all Joss felt she could hope for, because she knew she didn't want to call time on this thing they had going on. She didn't think either of them had even nudged against their limits yet, but Joss wasn't stupid, she knew it was coming, and when it did, it would feel like being crushed against a brick wall.

"Hey, Joss?" The sound of her name being called shocked her out of those thoughts, and she realized she had been clutching her books way too tightly to her chest.

Lori came bouncing up to her with her usual unexplainable chirpy morning attitude. Joss thought the secret had to be several cups of coffee.

"Hey," Joss replied, feeling little affected by her friend's smile.

"You feeling okay? You kinda look peaky."

"I'm fine, just didn't sleep the last few nights," Joss said.

"Yeah, this heat is totally unreal..." Lori paused as if about to say more, but her gaze was suddenly distracted somewhere over Joss' shoulder and she pushed her lips together in an expression that Joss couldn't read. When Lori turned back her eyes were glistening with sudden barely contained excitement.

"What?" Joss asked.

Lori seemed to mouth something similar to 'oh my god', and then bit her lip, before coming to hook Joss' arm with her own, pushing them closer together.

"What?" Joss hissed, her heart suddenly leaping into her throat, because she knew this wasn't going to be good. Was Billy making his way over again? Was he going to make it truly impossible for her to just exist unseen these next few weeks? She'd been so damn close...

"Don't freak out, okay?" Lori said through one side of her mouth, like she was trying to audition as a ventriloquist.

"Why would I freak out?" Joss asked, eyes widening as every single panicked thought of the last few weeks crashed against her.

Everyone knew, this was it, it was over, she was dead meat.

"Hush! Not so loud," Lori said. "So, don't look, but behind us on the other side of the hallway, Billy Hargrove is, like, totally checking you out."

Joss let out a laugh of pure anxious relief that this statement meant Billy hadn't yet made the move towards them. She had a chance of defusing this. "No, no," she deflected. But then came the little flare of renewed anxiety, how obviously was Billy looking this way? "He isn't," she said, trying to convince herself as much as her friend now. Joss tried to walk away, her determined gaze set firmly on the door to her next class, not daring to look around. Lori seemed inclined to hold her back a moment, but then was easily pulled along by Joss' sudden need to reach that doorway, as if sensing her friend's unmovable objective.

"I think he has a crush," Lori sang under her breath.

"On me? Please." Joss rolled her eyes over dramatically and shook her head in stoic denial, and in the process managed to catch a look at Billy leaning against the lockers, his gaze clearly watching her, licking his lips in open appreciation of Joss' short skirt and bare legs. Joss' eyes darted around and she let herself have a tiny sigh of relief, as luckily it seemed Lori was the only one to have any kind of radar on this blatant appraisal, Joss guessed because no one else was really bothering to look in her direction.

Out of the corner of her eye Joss saw a figure move, blocking Billy's gaze as Trish swished up in her usual confident sway of hips and kissed Billy full on the lips.

"See?" Joss said with a backward glance over her shoulder, urging Lori do the same with a nod, as if the scene behind them proved everything the universe could ever need. "He's with Trish."

Lori looked like she was going to say something in reply but Joss gave her a glare that stated this topic was not up for debate, and she urged her friend forward, taking them away from the hallway and into their classroom.

/

Joss and Lori found their seats and settled into what would now be a tedious two hour cram session for their upcoming exams. The lesson was hot and boring and the teacher's voice became a distant droning as Joss looked out of the window and daydreamed of exactly what she would say when she next saw Billy. Would his face bring instant anger or had all these days avoiding him muted her emotions a little? She knew she didn't feel half as pissed off as she should have with him looking at her again today. Did that mean Joss was getting soft? Letting her guard down? She knew that was a fast way to getting overrun completely. But, she had missed him, missed talking to him, laughing with him, seeing him when no one else was around to judge how they looked at each other.

"Tanner?"

The sound of her name drew her attention back to the classroom with an unpleasant jolt.

"Josselyn Tanner?"

The teacher was scanning the class and Joss felt a little stone of annoyance plummet in her gut as she realized this teacher didn't even know who she was.

Joss put her hand up sheepishly. "Here."

The teacher made a motion towards the doorway and Joss' gaze followed, to see Billy standing there, and her mind jolted again, the sensation like an electric current buzzing between her teeth.

"There's a phone call from your mother at the front reception," the teacher explained, and gestured again with her hand. "You're excused." The teacher rummaged around in a drawer a moment. "Here's the hall pass." She extended out her hand with the laminated tag hanging from a loop of coloured nylon rope.

Joss stood abruptly, the chair scraping and squeaking across the floor, making her wince at the noise. "Oh, okay," she said, her gaze unhelpfully flicking to Lori, who watched her with a confused expression, and Joss knew as soon as Lori had the chance she'd jump on this situation and want to know every detail. Joss' brain was already doing Olympic level gymnastics trying to piece together a believable story as to just why the hell her mom would be calling her at school.

It took what felt like an agonizing amount of time to Joss, to get to the front of the class and take the offered pass. She moved towards the door where Billy stood in all his polite decorum and smiling manners, as if just delivering the message like a good little student, but Joss knew better than that. She could see the wolf underneath the sheep's clothing, the turn of sharp tooth hidden behind a charming grin.

The heavy door swung closed behind them and Joss moved quickly down the hallway, out of sight of any windows and curious eyes, giving Billy no choice but to follow her. When she felt they were safe, she stopped abruptly, crossed her arms and looked him up and down with a snarl of disdain. "My mother called?" she said, with a raise of one accusing eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Deadly," Billy said with a nod, and Joss let out a scoff.

"What's this about?" Joss said, part of her already fully forming an unkind opinion of exactly what he wanted. To trap her alone again, maybe he'd pull her into an empty classroom, or even the bathroom, bend her over a sink and... Joss shook her head, feeling that bubbling sensation of lust nudging against her consciousness, and this time she wanted to push back twice as hard against it, despite how much she might secretly be thrilled by the fantasy.

"Stealth," Billy said, tapping his nose with the tip of a finger as if this explained everything.

"This isn't stealth!" Joss protested. "You just walked into my class and asked for me, by name. That's the opposite of stealth!"

Billy glanced at her, looking wholly unconcerned. "No one knows the real reason why I was there though, I covered pretty well. So it's kinda stealth."

Joss rolled her eyes. "We agreed no school-"

"Yeah, yeah, no school stuff," Billy dismissed, as if he wasn't just casually breaking their agreed upon rule in half, throwing it to the ground and turning his heel on the remains.

Joss held up her arms in defeat. "This looks a hell of a lot like school stuff!" she argued.

"Like I said, I made sure I was, you know, discreet. I didn't come over to you in front of everyone, did I? So if it's secret and we have a cover, it's not really 'school stuff'." He shrugged as if this made complete and logical sense.

"It's still school stuff, it's in school! Therefore it is, in fact, school stuff!" Joss said in hissed exasperation.

"After the other day, and the way you've been acting, you really expect me to not try and talk to you and smooth this shit out?"

"I'm sorry, what? The way I've been acting?" Joss let out a disgruntled sound of high vexation.

Billy carried on as if he hadn't heard her speak at all. "I don't have time later, and this week I'm busy with-"

"Oh, I see, sorry! Of course, I'll fit in with your schedule!" Joss sneered.

"You barked at me for even asking an innocent question on Monday, and then got all pissed at nothing-" He said it all so flatly, like it was all just well known and researched facts he was stating.

"Innocent?" Joss interrupted, scowling.

Again he didn't even acknowledge she'd spoken. "Then you got out of my car like you had a stick up your ass," he said, again as if this should openly explain his actions right now.

"A stick up my ass?" Joss crossed her arms with a slow flicker of irritation in her eyes, he really knew how to make things sound worse without any effort. "You were pushing me to do what you wanted, when I had made what I wanted very clear."

"Whatever you want to call it, you left without a single damn word. For the past week whenever you take one look at me coming down the hallways, you scurry off to hide. You think I don't see that shit every time we are within 100 yards of each other? I started to think something was really up with you."

"So?"

"So?" he said, mocking her tone. "What am I meant to do when a girl acts like this is drama class 101?"

"Give me some space, maybe?" Joss said.

He glanced over, giving her a look that clearly stated he thought that request was highly unreasonable. "When a girl acts like that, she wants to be chased," he said with a dismissive sniff. "You wanted me to chase you, but I wanted to make you wait a little."

"Who did you learn that shit from? I don't want to be chased, I'm not a fucking zebra!"

He shrugged, not taking her words seriously. "Sure, if you say so."

A beat of silence passed between them and Joss took the chance to take in a slow deep breath and try and gain her sanity back. She glanced up and down the corridor to check they were still fully alone. "Lori noticed you today," she mumbled, sulkily. If he was going to make her talk, she was going to say exactly what she wanted.

"Noticed?"

Joss let out a breath of mocking frustration. "You know exactly what she noticed! Quit doing that shit with people around, especially Trish. Jesus, Billy!"

"Like I said, me and Trish aren't serious," he said, as if this was all the defence he needed.

"Oh, okay, I'll tell her that when she's wiping my face across the locker room floor."

He rolled his eyes at her dramatics. "You told me you didn't want to make this public, but I gotta keep up public appearances. I suddenly don't have a girl, I'm gonna get a lot of questions."

"But, she's not your girlfriend, right?" Joss said, feeling the same circle of argument starting to roll back over them both.

"Right." He clicked two fingers at her as if rewarding her getting a question right on a pop quiz. "Like I said, I'm not sleeping with her while we have whatever this is." He chuckled, enjoying his mocking of her words on Monday night.

Joss let out a groan of resignation, she knew she wasn't going to be able to talk him into understanding why any of this was out of line right here in the damn school hallway. She felt like she was banging her head against a wall.

"Look, you are being a complete asshole dragging me out of class, to what? What do you want?" Joss was starting to feel heated now, she was suddenly angry all over again, angry at him dragging her out of class, angry at what he had done in the library, angry at how he had been so blatantly looking at her today, and so angry at his suggestion the other night of them openly dating. "I thought I made my thoughts clear about this stuff the other day."

He actually smirked as if the memory of what had happened between them was amusing, and Joss knew he was thinking solely of the library and the backseat of his car, not the argument of later.

"I'm going back to class," Joss said, turning away from him, but Billy caught her hand, stopping her determined steps with an easy soft touch.

"You can't," he said, with a careless shrug.

"Oh, watch me!" Joss said, pulling herself from his grip.

"If you go back now, it'll seem suspicious, right?"

Damn, he'd got a point, and Joss felt her anger deflate.

"This situation is all your fault!" Joss said, narrowing her eyes in accusation.

"Look, it's fine, you have your little hall pass, no one will suspect." He jiggled the plastic pass that was connected to the neon coloured rope coiled around her wrist.

"Yeah, well you don't have one. Someone could notice you are AWOL and put two and two together."

Billy shrugged. "I don't need a damn hall pass," he said, with a mischievous grin that made him look suddenly devilish.

"Okay, whatever," Joss said dismissively. "So, what do you want again?" Joss could again guess exactly what gutter his mind was currently dwelling in, because hers rolled so easily in there too. She'd seen from that brief glance today, how he'd looked at her, how his gaze lingered over her bare legs, the tight skirt at her thighs, fingers itching to reach out and softly slide underneath the hem.

He wetted his lips with a lick and roll of his tongue before he reached out to her, palm extended in an offer of peace, his eyes silently urging her to take it with her own. Joss knew this was another choice that would either silence their fighting or continue it. She felt like she had so little say in this decision, because if she decided to fight, they were at greater risk of exposure. She accepted her fate and placed her hand into his and he turned on his heel and tugged her forward.

She didn't bother asking him where they were going, just allowed him to take the lead as her heart began a little rhythm of anticipation. She was being a fool, allowing this to continue, allowing him to do this when she'd clearly said 'no' over and over again, but if that was all true, why wasn't she stopping this? Joss knew the answer was as simple as always, she didn't really want to.

They made their way to the gymnasium, it was silent and empty save for the hazy sunlight and dancing dust particles. This wasn't somewhere that felt like a good place for a risky quick release, but Joss knew she'd still take it, because she couldn't seem to stop this need to feel his hands upon her, even when it meant the risk of her very real downfall. Maybe, it was all part of the thrill too.

"No one's here, we're safe," he said, as if sensing her thoughts, but then instead of pushing her against a wall and kissing her until she couldn't see straight, he made his way over to one of the wooden benches. Joss hesitated before following him and taking a seat beside him.

"Safe from what?" Joss said, trying to push the issue now.

He gave a dazzling grin, his silver earring glinting in and out of a bright shaft of sunlight. "Discovery," he said with a raise of both brows. But still he didn't reach for her and Joss crossed her legs in nervous energy. What new game was he playing?

"Okay, so, why are we here again?" she frowned.

"Just to hang out."

"You pulled me out of class to... hang out?" Joss said, with a sceptical raise of her brow.

"Yeah, why, Tanner, you have other plans?" He reached over and curled his finger and thumb around her chin, holding her in place as he studied her face with analytical probing eyes. "Oh, those kind of plans?" He let out a suggestive laugh, and Joss wondered if he really could read her that plainly. "Even I'm not that careless."

Joss crossed her arms across her chest in clear rebuttal that he was exactly that brazen. "No, I do not have any plans," she pushed back, determined to be obstinate and deny the truth until she was blue in the face.

Billy breathed out another laugh. "Did you know, your nose goes kinda red when you lie?"

Joss covered her nose with her hand in reflex for a moment, before realizing he was probably teasing her. She gave him a highly suspicious look up and down and pushed against his shoulder with a hard measured shove before speaking. "You have ten minutes before I'm going back to class, so make this 'hang out' quick," Joss said, uncrossing her legs and recrossing them in the other direction, that nervous flicker not leaving her.

"Jesus. You really are in a mood," he said, with a detached shrug. "Is it so bad I wanted to check we were okay?"

Joss knew this was a trap question, whatever she said would be wrong, if she said it was good he'd given a damn to see her then he won, if she said no, then she was being ungrateful. Once again he was able to twist the situation to suit him. He caught sight of her resentful facial expression and gave a quick flash of teeth in triumph, knowing she wasn't going to fight.

"Fine," Joss said, confirming what he already knew with one word. "What's keeping you so busy this week then?" Joss said, steering the conversation into safer waters.

"Nothing too exciting..." he teased, "but, I got the job." He gave her a brief side eyed glance, a satisfied smile wanting to pull at one corner of his mouth.

"At the pool?"

He nodded, obviously very pleased with himself and trying to contain the emotion. "You're looking at Hawkins' new lifeguard on duty, or I will be later today. Got my first full shift on Friday afternoon. I have training to go to after school the next few days, to learn the ropes."

"Congratulations," Joss said, and meant it, but she didn't let her gladness show too much on her face, her pride wouldn't let her.

"I thought, after my first shift, you could come by and we could go celebrate."

"Celebrate?" Joss said unenthusiastically.

"Maybe a few beers, or we could just drive around."

Joss felt like saying 'no' now would only cause another argument, and she didn't really feel like bursting his bubble, so she went with the passive aggressive option. "I've got work, remember? I work Friday evenings."

"Well, can't you get that army doofus to cover for you?"

"You mean Mark?" Joss said pointedly, telling him with her tone she didn't like insults thrown at her co-worker.

"Yeah, Mark. Ask him to cover a few hours? I finish at five thirty, I got some kids swimming lesson, and we can just hang out a while after, I can drive you back before it gets too busy at the arcade."

Joss let out a sigh of frustration.

"He owes you one, you always close," Billy pushed.

A thought gently nudged at Joss and she instantly pushed it away as nonsense, but it was persistent, floating back up to the surface like a helium balloon, and she looked at Billy a moment, trying to discover if her brain's suggestion had any basis in reality. Had he dragged her out of class just to tell her this news? Too excited to keep the accomplishment to himself and wanting to share it with someone?

His face remained in his usual nonchalant expression, but his eyes were shining, a brightness gleaming from within, and Joss thought, just maybe, she was right.

After that thought, how could she really say no. "Sure. I can walk over on my way to work."

"Good," Billy said, and smiled with a smug air.

"This doesn't mean the other day is forgotten. What you did, what you said, it wasn't okay," Joss said, as if unable to help herself saying at least one sentence that was inflammatory, despite her best efforts.

"You snapped back just as hard," Billy said, unconcerned with her words, leaning his weight back on his hands as he took in their surroundings, enjoying the sun. When he caught sight of her displeased expression he sighed as if she was continuing doggedly with her usual stance of being unreasonable. "Let's just say we didn't mean it and let it go."

Joss let out a sound of disagreement. "I meant it." She really was terrible at defusing situations when it involved him, she had the constant urge to push back whenever he tried to dismiss her. "You were out of line."

Billy twirled a lazy finger in the air as if he'd heard all this far too many times. "Yeah, yeah, I'm an asshole, you're a saint, I get it." Billy let out a laugh and leaned over, nuzzling into Joss' neck with a flirtatious energy that dismissed all her grumbling.

"At least you admit it," Joss said, allowing the contact, but not giving in to the pleasure his attention wanted to push to the forefront of her mind. "No more school stuff, stealthy cover or not, I'm serious."

"Yeah I get it, stop dragging it out. Besides, I brought you a peace offering," he said, his breath hot and ticklish against her ear.

He pulled back with a cocky look upon his face and with a flourish he pulled something out of his jacket pocket and held it out like it was the solution to every problem they'd ever had.

Joss stared at it a moment in bewilderment, the sun glinting off the glossy plastic wrapper and the glistening flat round neon red object within.

"A lollipop?" she said, giving him a reproachful look. She'd seen those exact same ones at the pool, on the front desk, free candy for kids after swimming lessons.

He grinned, suppressing a laugh at her expression, and then with one light pull he'd removed the wrapper and offered it to her with an expectant look. "Say ah," he coaxed, with a raise of his eyebrows.

"What are we, kids visiting the doctor?" Joss said with a roll of her eyes, but saw he was not going to give up that easily and relented, parting her lips and allowing him to gently slip the sweet treat on to her tongue before he permitted her to take it fully from his grip.

He retrieved another lollipop from his pocket and, after pulling off the wrapper, took a long thoughtful suck on it. "See, it's all fine, baby."

Joss nearly choked on her own spit and reached out to swat him in punishment. "Don't call me that."

He laughed, clearly not taking her request seriously.

They sat there in the quiet sunlight of the gym, not saying anything, his hand casually wrapped around her bare thigh as they enjoyed the rest of those ten minutes Joss had given them, in what felt for once, true peace.

Chapter Text

By the time Joss got back to class there were only minutes left before the bell went off, which gave her just enough time to hand back the pass to the teacher and settle into her seat under the heavy inquiring gaze of Lori.

As soon as the bell had rang, Lori was bee-lining straight for Joss' desk. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Joss' head buzzed with excuses. "I blew off a doctor's appointment I had yesterday at lunch. Stupid, because of course my mom is going to freak out that I never turned up as soon as she finds out." Joss suddenly found it impossible to meet her friend's eyes, instead busying herself with putting her books back into her bag.

"A doctor's appointment? Are you sick?"

Joss could see out of the corner of her vision, Lori fight the sudden urge to reach out and check Joss' forehead for a high temperature.

"No, nothing serious, just a general check up, to make sure I'm not surviving on junk food, or getting scurvy. That sort of thing."

The annoying thing was, that Joss wasn't really stretching the truth too much about that part. Her mom did insist she go for regular check-ups every few months and, even though Joss was eighteen, her mom having the right to look up all her medical records and results was part of their deal of Joss living in Hawkins semi on her own. It had always felt like a cop out way to show care in Joss' mind, by actually being grossly intrusive and personally distant while still claiming to be a 'good' parent.

"It must be weird to have her away on the road for work so much? Don't you miss the company?"

Joss gave a shrug. "I'm used to it. After her career took off as one of the back up dancers of 'Pop Until You Drop', she had a choice of staying home or following her dreams. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity." Joss wanted to sound happy for her mom, but knew she probably only sounded bitter.

"If I lived alone I'd just vegetate and watch romantic movies all day. My mom still thinks I'm way too immature to be on my own too long. I guess that whole, responsibility stuff will hit once I go to college," Lori said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, but it's not like I have to deal with paying bills or anything, I'm still looked after." Joss really disliked that she sounded defensive. "Besides," she said, lightening up the conversation with a carefree smile, "it's always tempting to just veg out, but my mom finds ways to spy on me so I don't turn into a complete slob and my grades don't drop."

"Was she really mad you missed it?"

"Not mad, her version of worried, I guess." Joss smiled again with what she hoped was a breezy air. "It's fine now, honestly."

"Gee, your mom really goes all out, calling the school over a missed appointment though, huh?"

"It's just because she's not around much. It's her way of showing she cares." Joss felt uncomfortable with just how easy it felt to lie, even if there was a grain of truth somewhere underneath.

"Did Billy have anything interesting to say?" Lori said, trying to be covert, but the curiosity was clear in her face.

Joss had known the question was coming and she forced another smile. "No, not really. Just doing as he was told. I guess he was eager to get back to class."

"Billy Hargrove eager to get back to class? Joss, you really are oblivious," Lori laughed.

They went to lunch and then to different lessons until they met back up for their last class, gym. Then commenced a round of very apathetic dodgeball where no one really wanted to move much due to the heat, and the only saving grace was that they were allowed to stay inside, instead of being outside in the blistering sun.

Joss stood to the side, having 'fallen' into the path of the first dodgeball she could, and had promptly been proclaimed 'out' by the teacher. Her eyes lingered over the spot on the benches where she and Billy had been sat that morning and her mind wandered.

What exactly did she want from all this? What did she want from Billy? The uncomfortable reply came back after a moment of thought. She wanted attention, she wanted to be looked at and seen, she wanted to be wanted, but she also wanted it all to be hers alone. A kept secret where she didn't allow the light of reality to flood in and spoil everything. The only true question now was, would Billy play along or were his plans completely different to her own?

She absentmindedly tugged at one corner of her green gym shorts, making sure they still covered the scar at her thigh, knowing that the material always did, the telling mark was too high up to be exposed so easily. But, she couldn't help the anxiety that somehow, someone would see it. The thought came to Joss that she hadn't re-opened up that cut for weeks, maybe even for as long as a month now. It had finally started to heal over, a thin shiny layer of fresh pink skin signalling something that Joss hadn't felt for a long time.

She wanted to call it distracted, too absorbed in whatever she and Billy had been swept up in the last few months to have time for those long lonely nights, where she'd dwell on the past too much, and crawl back into bad habits to cope. Those nights where the feelings built until she felt like she'd burst with them, and she would reach for the only thing that would release it, a repetitive cycle of destruction against her own body.

It was a hard thing to face that things had somehow changed, it made her squirm to admit it, but if Joss was truly honest with herself, this had been the the most content she'd felt in a long time. She actually looked forward to going to work, to weekends where she could talk to Billy, where they could go for rides, share the moment of the first listen to a new song, and make out in the back seat.

Joss' eyes moved from the benches to her peers who were still playing dodgeball, her gaze watching them as they squealed in delight at being the victor, or cried out in annoyance at not being quite fast enough, the losers coming to loiter near where Joss stood by the wall, to continue a good gossip session with their friends.

Joss thought this must be what being a normal teenager had to feel like, this was why Lori and everyone else around her was obsessed with who they were seeing at the next party, who they were going on a date with, who had kissed them out at Lover's Point. It was exhilarating to want someone and be wanted in return, to see them in the school corridors and know there was more between those exchanged glances. Joss didn't really know if she liked this feeling or not, the only thing she did know was it was new, just like that healing skin on her thigh.

The bell went off, shrill and sudden, making all the girls start, and then look relieved that this torture was over. They began to form a line to make their way slowly towards the locker room and Lori came to link arms with her and chat. The doors on the other side of the gym opened and guys from their year started to file in from outside, all looking hot, bothered and sweaty. It seemed like they had not been as lucky as the girls, and had been forced to take their class outside.

Joss' eyes couldn't help picking him out of the crowd. Billy was pulling off a drenched T-shirt from very sweaty muscles, his curls damp, but he was smiling, talking to his friends. One of them, Tommy Hagan, known to one and all as a real jerk, was clowning around telling some joke and acting like he was a monkey. When he took the joke too far and got into Billy's face, Billy pushed him away with a hard shove. Tommy stumbled far too over dramatically, but managed to catch himself from a full on fall onto his face, and the theatrics made Billy laugh and smile again, although it looked more like a tolerant expression than one of genuine humour. Tommy spotted someone in the line of girls and began to make his way over, making more monkey sounds, until he grabbed a girl out of the crowd and pulled her out, to much put on shrieking on her part.

"Tommy put me down, gross, you're sweaty!" Carol protested weakly, flailing against her boyfriend while wearing the biggest self-satisfied grin Joss had ever seen.

"Mr. Hagan!" the girls' gym teacher said, stepping forward and forcefully breaking up the public display of affection. "To your own locker room, please."

Tommy gave Carol a sly wink and re-joined the boys.

"I hear they won't last past graduation," Lori said in a whisper, her lips barely moving.

Joss glanced over, a little surprised by this declared finality after the couple had seemed so happy only seconds ago, in fact right now Carol was blowing a kiss towards Tommy who looked positively giddy and leapt in to the air to catch the invisible love token.

"Really?" Joss said, glancing over at her friend.

Carol and Tommy were the most popular long standing couple in school. Joss even thought they had been seriously dating when she came back to Hawkins High. They were a staple of the place, the perfect, everlasting high school sweethearts romance.

"Yeah, it's all show. I hear he hardly sees her outside school anymore, too busy thinking about college. Heard she's super pissed about it too," Lori said and laughed softly, clearly enjoying the wreckage of this once famous coupling, at least famous by Hawkins standards.

Joss rolled her shoulders, not enjoying this gossip at all, knowing how she'd feel if people were whispering behind her back.

"Couldn't happen to nicer people," Lori said with another snicker, and Joss elbowed her lightly in the ribs.

"Hey, enough. I don't want to hear this stuff."

"Sorry," Lori said with a shrug. "I can't help it, I'm a gossip fiend."

"Don't I know it," Joss said under her breath, but still couldn't bring herself to fully reprimand Lori.

"Hey, who does Hargrove want?" one of the girls behind Joss suddenly piped up.

Joss glanced towards the group of boys and saw Billy was clearly trying to get someone's attention with a repeated hand gesture that went from a jabbing pointing motion to a come hither curl of fingers, and all the fine hair on the back of Joss' neck prickled in renewed panic. He was definitely looking in her direction and Joss wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

He'd promised, no more school stuff, and he hadn't even lasted the day! There was no way people wouldn't gossip if they talked right in the middle of the gym in front of everyone. Joss determinedly looked down at her feet, trying to pretend she was unaware of anything but the slow shambling of bodies towards the exit.

When his actions didn't have the speedy result Billy expected, he started clicking his fingers impatiently and saying 'hey' a few times, and Joss glanced away, suddenly interested in the blank wall beside her, feeling if she could just get out of the gym and disappear into the locker room, maybe no one would notice.

"Trish?!" Billy's voice rang out, and Joss felt the oil and water feeling of relief, and disappointment that it wasn't her name he'd called.

The blond girl in front of Joss who had been deep in conversation turned, finally having her attention hooked and Joss realized it was Trish. She raised a hand in a wave towards Billy and walked out of the line over to him with a big Hollywood smile on her face. When she reached him, she slid a hand against his bare bicep absently, as if proving she didn't care how sweaty he was, and blissfully, before Joss could see any more of the interaction, she was shuffled out of the gym doors.

/

At the girls' gym lockers Joss waited while Lori showered. Joss usually always managed to avoid being singled out as missing her obligatory communal shower and just shrugged her clothing back on quickly before anyone of authority noticed. On those gut dropping rare occasions when she was caught out, the teacher would make her strip down right before their eyes and go in the showers. Joss would loiter at the edge or pretend to actually wash for a few seconds until the teacher was distracted by something else, and then bolt through the water spray before grabbing her towel and re-dressing. To Joss, it felt like an abuse of power to force kids to shower naked with no privacy, and over the years she had seen too many tears come from the obvious bullying that always accompanied a bunch of immature teenagers seeing each other's constantly changing naked bodies for the first time.

Lori walked over in her towel just as Joss was wondering if after this, she should go home and do some vegetating of her own, or get in some last cramming for the exams that started later next week. With this being the last period of the day, most of the girls had dressed and dashed, eager to be away and home, but Joss didn't feel in any hurry today.

"Any plans for the weekend?" Lori asked.

"Other than work? Lots of TV," Joss said.

Lori began to get dressed and they continued to chat about the day's goings on in casual bursts of small talk.

Suddenly Trish walked by with a thunderous expression, rounded the locker corner and smashed her hand into one of the doors in frustration. She looked as pissed off as if she'd just been told Aquanet hairspray had gone out of business.

"Come on Trish, don't take it so personal," one of her friends said, jogging after her, Joss thought it was possibly Stacy.

"Screw off!" Trish said with a poisonous hiss. "He wants to call us off completely? Out of nowhere? A few weeks before prom? How does that make sense! He's never this much of an asshole! Now I have to go to prom with Danny!" She hit the locker again, sending a hollow metal sound clanging out into the near empty locker room.

Joss and Lori briefly looked at each other, Joss feeling like they should both leave quietly before they were noticed, but one look at Lori's face confirmed that wasn't going to happen. She looked positively thrilled to be hearing such juicy gossip so up close and personal.

"He never said he'd take you to-" Stacy began, but then seemed to think better of her line of thought as Trish gave her a death glare. "It's no big deal, it's not like you guys were serious. He doesn't like being pinned down, so let him go bone himself." Stacy tried to reach out a hand of comfort to Trish's arm but the blond shrugged it off.

"He's with someone else!" Trish said. "I know it, he never wants to," she lowered her voice, but in the open tiled room the sound carried easily, "you know, anymore."

Joss pretended she had found a very interesting book in her bag and took it out, flipping through the pages with as much of an unconcerned and calm expression as she could force her face to make.

"Well, screw him," Stacy said, wrapping a protective arm around her friend's shoulders.

"If I find out which little slut he's been-"

"How do you even know that he has someone else?" Stacy said.

"All that gossip about some girl at Starcourt with him? When I asked him, he said he was there alone, like I'm a moron!"

"He's the moron," Stacy said, giving Trish a comforting shake of reassurance.

"I don't know what his damage is! We had a good thing going, at school we are a thing, but outside, we can go off with whoever we want, and that's worked fine up to now. What if he actually really likes this girl? I'm the one that's going to look like a loser here, Stace! Dumped! I've never been dumped!"

"Don't sweat it. Billy's thinking with his other main brain and that's tricked him into thinking this girl is something special. She isn't, and he'll see that sooner or later. He'll get bored. He always gets bored, Trish, and he always comes back to you. Look at that airhead Jessica? She sure learned big time that his word wasn't worth shit. Just let him have his fun ruining whatever little piece of trashy ass he's focused on."

Trish sniffed. "I know. He has to have a chase. Once he's screwed her a few times, he'll come back like he always does, because he knows I'm the only one that understands what he needs. It's just annoying waiting for him to get some slut out of his system."

"Well, date Danny for a while, he can get you freebies at the department store anyway."

"Yeah, maybe."

Stacy seemed to have calmed her friend down and both girls dressed and left without further comment on the subject, just gossip about what they were wearing to prom.

Joss gulped down the lump that wanted to suddenly form in her throat.

Lori let out a low whistle. "Well, looks like Billy actually dumped her, that's a first," she said offhandedly, before diving back into a completely different subject, as Joss tried not to look as sinfully guilty as she felt.

/

The next few days of school were weird. Joss felt panicked every time she saw Trish or her friends, worried that if they somehow made eye contact, all Joss' secrets would appear on her face like a cursed handwritten confession. That somehow everyone would find out she was the girl with Billy at the cinema, perhaps even the reason he'd called off his agreement with Trish? Although Joss found that somehow hard to believe, because she didn't see what he gained from that and Billy never did anything that didn't solely benefit him in some way.

But, then why had he suddenly stopped seeing Trish? He hadn't shown any signs of wanting to break up with her last time they'd talked in the gym, in fact Joss clearly remembered him saying that he'd kept up the façade because Joss wasn't interested in openly dating him. If he'd changed his mind, why hadn't he come to tell her before deciding so publicly? Why hadn't he tried to convince her again with a real bargaining chip in his pocket, one that would make him look, at least somewhat, sincere? Joss didn't know, and that left her feeling slightly uneasy. Maybe she was over thinking the whole thing and he'd just genuinely grown tired of dating Trish? Maybe this had nothing to do with Joss at all.

Even if it did, Joss knew it wouldn't change anything because her feelings hadn't changed. She wasn't ready to openly date anyone. If she was bluntly honest with herself, part of her felt panicked to learn that her own bargaining chip had been left useless against him. She would no longer be able to use the handy excuse that he was with another girl when they argued. It was one less defence to utilize against his persistence.

Joss had grown used to once again ducking into bathroom stalls or into empty rooms and store cupboards whenever she felt the threat of being cornered. This did result in her also managing to avoid Billy too, which felt like a blessed relief after the intense last few weeks.

The only time she'd really seen him, he hadn't seen her, or at least Joss didn't think he had, but she never felt sure anymore. It was another hot morning, another sight of his car screeching into the parking lot, music blaring, and another blazing argument between him and Max. Joss couldn't hear what it was about and was too anxious of being seen to get any closer. Max had exited the car, shouting that she hated him, and Billy had snapped back that she should 'watch the attitude, shit-bird', to which Max's retort was a middle finger and a declaration that she'd walk home.

Whatever had passed between them on the drive to school, it took Billy a minute or so to emerge from the driver's side and everything about him bristled with annoyance. Joss couldn't help wondering just what exactly had happened between the step siblings back in California? What had caused such a devastating and unrepairable break between them back there, that had then been reinforced here, in Hawkins, last year with Steve Harrington? Billy had said it was Max's fault they had moved here, but now Joss knew him a little better, she doubted it was so clean cut. Joss felt if she could find that out, maybe she'd have a better chance of understanding him, how his mind worked. Maybe it would give her a new shield to use against him too, which was a selfish but necessary evil to Joss in that moment, as he seemed intent, deliberately or not, on stripping away all her armour. It was a long shot, but the only one she had to gain back something that felt like control.

By the time Friday came, Joss had actually started to feel oddly nervous about seeing him again.

It was another clear blue sky, late afternoon as she rounded the corner of the pool and glanced through the chain link fence, her fingers coming to grasp the thin wire metal a moment as she took in the scene before her. It looked like a children's swimming lesson was just finishing up. A girl with dark hair piled into a high ponytail, dressed in a form hugging red swimsuit, was hurrying a few young kids into the changing rooms. She looked around Joss' age, but Joss found she couldn't quite place her face. One of the popular girls she assumed, but not popular enough to be part of Trish's circle.

"You nearly done?" the girl shouted over her shoulder.

This pulled Joss back to the first thing she'd noticed, but had not allowed her brain to linger on, that nervous energy making it hard to focus on him. Still in the pool was Billy and some little kid that looked maybe five or six, who was splashing around like he was having some kind of fit, before he grabbed on to the side, gasping for air.

"Yeah, just one more lap, Heather," Billy said, not even looking the girl's way, far too engrossed in what he was doing. Heather gave a flap of her hand as if she was giving up and followed the rest of the kids into the locker room. "I said use your legs, Corey. You need to listen to what I say!"

Billy sounded stern in his reprimand, perhaps even a little unkind, but the boy took the advice with gusto and this time he propelled himself through the water, still looking like a half drowning cat with all the frantic splashing, but he made it to the other side, and then he reached a grasping small hand towards the side and slipped. Faster than Joss could blink his form had been swallowed completely underwater.

Billy acted within a blur of movement, before Joss' brain had fully registered alarm, forcing his body like a missile through the water and catching the kid around the middle, yanking him back out of the pool, to much coughing and spluttering on the kid's part. Corey flailed a moment, panicking from the water he'd quite obviously breathed in, and Billy moved them both into a shallow area.

"Plant your feet, Corey!" he demanded, and after a few seconds of continuing to seem to panic the boy did, and once his feet touched the bottom he seemed to find his senses again, but Billy still held on, steadying the young boy's small form with a strong grip. "You okay, amigo?" he asked, and Corey gave a little splutter, but nodded and Billy patted him on the back. "Good work, but remember not to let your guard down until you've got a grip on the side."

Corey nodded in dumb acknowledgement and Billy patted him again.

"Go get a shower with the others, your mom will be here in ten minutes."

Joss watched as the kid scampered towards the locker room door and disappeared, no worse off from his little scare. Her gaze returned to Billy as he pulled himself fully out of the water, the light prism of sun caught droplets dripping from tanned toned skin, before he wrapped a towel around his middle, covering the red swim shorts he was wearing. He took a moment to brush the water out of his hair and eyes and then began to make his way towards the locker room too. Joss instinctively backed up a few steps, concealing herself behind a fence post as she continued to observe him, not wanting him to know she was there just yet.

She hadn't really noticed until that moment just how much muscle he'd gained recently, she rarely saw him unclothed in daylight, it had always been night time, or in the close confines of his car that they'd got that intimate, so she felt like she'd missed the subtle variations in his body, but here in the full light of day those changes were on full display. Had he upped his workouts because of this job, she wondered?

Joss held back from becoming too obviously seen when Billy, Heather and all the kids re-emerged from the changing rooms fully dressed. One kid had decided now was the best time to let off steam and began a furious run down the side of the pool, and Joss braced herself for his fall, as the floor looked slippery.

"Hey! Lard ass, no running!" Billy shouted loudly, and the kid took notice with a backward sheepish glance to his mentor, returning his run to a walk.

Joss frowned.

They came out of the pool area, locking the gate behind them. Parents began to arrive to pick up their kids and when there were none remaining, Heather gave a quick wave of goodbye, saying she'd see Billy tomorrow and jogged off, leaving him alone.

It took him only a few seconds to finally clock Joss stood to the side. When he did, a self-satisfied smirk found a place upon his lips, but as he saw Joss' clear frown of displeasure, the expression flickered a little. He walked casually over to her and reached out a hand to catch her around the waist but Joss moved a step back, avoiding his touch.

"That was mean."

"Nice to see you, too," Billy said with an off-handed roll of his eyes. He pulled out his soft cigarette pack and eased one out before lighting it up. He rolled his eyes again seeing her frown wasn't going anywhere. "What did I supposedly do now?" he said with a shrug of both shoulders, his voice frustrated.

"What you said to that kid. He's just a kid," Joss spluttered.

"You mean Sam?" Billy said, the cigarette dangling between his lips as he thumbed over his shoulder in the direction most of the kids had gone. "Jesus, Joss, calm down. He can take the joke."

"He looked eight years old, Billy! You can't call a kid..."

"Fat?" Billy plucked the cigarette in two fingers and let out a sigh of smoke. "Because he is. He's going to get the shit kicked out of him come middle school if he doesn't do something about it."

"And you calling him 'lard ass' is going to give him that motivation?"

"Yeah," Billy said, blowing out another aggravated cloud of smoke, "it will. He just needs to hear it said, no hand holding, just plain facts."

"Sure," Joss said with a dismissive hand gesture, and turned to walk away, unsure if she meant to walk only a few steps or right on to the arcade.

"I had to learn it the hard way," Billy said lowly.

"What?" Joss said, spinning back to face him. She looked him up and down, clearly thinking he was joking.

"I was kinda fat at the start of middle school, okay?"

Joss let out a mocking laugh, disbelieving his words, and waited for him to deliver the scathing punchline, but it never came. "What?" Joss repeated stupidly.

"Okay, maybe not fat," he said, with a narrowing of his eyes. "But I got kinda chubby and some kids let me know it with insults and their fists, and I was too weak to push back. So I started to eat better, make my own meals, as my dad had no fucking clue other than mac and cheese and leftover take out. I started to work out, build muscle, and I got stronger." His eyes flashed with self assurance.

"I beat the shit out of those kids, and any other kid that thought he could talk down to me, and I did it knowing they couldn't ever call me a fat sack of shit or a little pussy again, they wouldn't dare!" He scrunched his nose up in a playful yet warning gesture that taunted Joss to even try and say anything back, and she took the unkind advice, remaining silent. "So, when I call Sam something he doesn't like, maybe he'll do something about it? Maybe he just needs the realization I got, but before some older and meaner kid tries to take him down?" He raised his brow in defiance, daring her to try and disagree with his rationale.

"Those kids were bullies," Joss said softly, "you should never have felt you had to live up to anyone else's shitty expectations, just like that kid shouldn't have to live up to yours."

"Shall we all hold hands and sing Kumbaya while we wait for the world to be kinder and nicer?" He scoffed and let out a spiteful laugh. "Grow up Joss, only way anything changes is when it's made to."

"It doesn't have to be so aggressive. If you wanted to help, you could have tried to be kind about it. For all you know that kid is really hurt by what you said."

"Look, I get it. You want stuff to be softer, I dig that about you, baby, but the world isn't always soft." He reached out towards her and Joss pulled away.

"I really don't like it when you call me that," Joss said. It sounded the same way he'd called Trish 'baby', like she was just another one of his playthings.

Billy flicked up a jovial eyebrow and took another long drag on his cigarette, giving her a careful appraisal. "Sure," he finally said, as if this all amused him greatly.

He reached out again and this time Joss couldn't evade his seeking touch so easily.

"I don't want to fight right now, so let's do this another time," he said, with that same mocking air. "I had a good day, let me have it."

Joss opened her mouth to disagree but he cut her off.

"Sam's fine. He's tougher than he looks." He brought her into his arms and Joss only resisted for a moment, letting his mouth dip against hers in a brief yet fierce kiss that felt like it was trying to silence her completely. "Come on," he said, when he'd left her breathless, and nodded in the direction of the parking lot, his body already moving.

"I can't," Joss said, resisting against his pull. "I can stay another hour, maybe, but I promised Mark I would be back by six thirty, so I can't go for a ride."

Billy rolled his tongue across the inside of his cheek, unimpressed by this news. "Okay," he said, sounding like this really wasn't okay at all. "I guess we can hang out in the locker room."

Joss fought against all her instincts to finally walk away, to show him she disagreed with so much of his logic, but that kiss had lit up lust like pouring oil on a fire, there was no putting it out until it had burned to nothing. And knowing that was her fate, Joss accepted it and gave him a nod of agreement.

Chapter Text

Billy reopened the gate and led Joss past the pool and into the guys changing room. It definitely smelled worse but Joss allowed him to tug her inside. She was telling him something simple and ordinary about school, small talk that wasn't going anywhere. Just filling up her courage meter, waiting for the perfect moment to lead in to what she really wanted to ask him about, what had happened with Trish a few days ago, but he never allowed her to get to the question. The instant the heavy metal door closed behind them his body was suddenly pressed hard to hers, forcing her breath out in a rush of surprise and spiking heart rate, pushing her up against a wall, lips demanding and consuming.

He grabbed hold of both of Joss' wrists, holding them forcefully above her head as his lips crashed into hers, his skilful tongue ruthlessly filling her, telling Joss, with a ferocious need, to release any remaining fight she still held in her body. She couldn't help but feel this was some kind of reprimand for her pushing back and questioning him outside, and she enjoyed the small thrill of getting to him, of making him want to silence her. When he'd deemed she had yielded enough, his mouth became gentle and soft, taking his time to coax her to kiss him back, tongue rolling in slow sensual waves against her own, until Joss felt like the very edges of her body were melting into his.

Leaving her dizzy, he pressed exploring kisses down her jawline and to her neck, where he lingered with the clear intention to rebel against the promise he had made her only a week ago. Joss felt a sudden rush of flushed warmth and excitement as her whole body hummed with the fast rushing of her pulse. When that familiar pressure came from his kiss turning to a bite, she fought against the primal surge of pleasure that made her not want to push back against him, wanting to be possessed by that deep craving and sated by his appetite for her. But, finally she regained enough of her senses and tried to move out of his grip, trying to save herself another embarrassing bruise to explain. Her resistance seemed to only make him more determined to show her she couldn't win this game, not now, not today, not ever if he got a say.

It was easy to give in and allow him his way because it felt so good, and she balled her hands into fists as they remained pinned above her head, wanting this and at the same time, hating how easily she surrendered under his touch. Even when she knew she'd pay for it later, even when she knew she was giving him free reign to stomp all over her requests and move the goal posts to wherever he wanted.

He quickly maneuvered his tactics to her body, hands skimming down arms and past curves, brushing sensitive places with a firmer touch, fingers working without tenderness, only insistent want, as if they were on a time limit and it was quickly running out. There was no gentleness or slow aching build up to the main event this time, but it didn't matter because Joss had wanted him from the moment that kiss had ended.

His fingers were at her skirt, easing it up past hips, and before Joss could let out more than a few breathless moans of eager anticipation he'd curled his hands about her thighs, pulling her up on to his waist. He fumbled a moment to loosen himself from his jeans and then with a casual pull he'd nudged her underwear to one side and slid in to her before she could fully understand what was happening. The sensation caused Joss to suddenly suck all the air back into her lungs, her whole body on pins and needles for a few seconds as she adjusted to the abrupt change, and he stilled, waiting and hungrily watchful, until her eyes connected with his, ready for more.

Joss had never had sex standing up before, in fact her mind had often wondered if it was even possible or just a fiction made up to look hot in movies, but Billy was here proving it was very possible. His thrusts were sloppy and careless, his sweat slick fingers slipping against his hold on her thighs as he let out low grunts of equal parts enjoyment and effort, trying to bring them both to the finish line before his grip failed. Joss could feel all the sharp edges of the tiles pressing into her back as she grasped onto his shoulders with strained determination that she wasn't going to be the one to stop this moment either.

The unexpectedness of this encounter and the swell of excited heat only made it seem all the more heady, and although his thrusts were not as controlled as their first few times, they were intense and fierce and almost vicious in his intent. Her own hips met his in a frantic chaotic rhythm that drove him deeper, the sensation hitting somewhere that Joss found almost painful, but exquisite in its own brutal way. The feeling brought her so easily to the edge and she heard herself urgently begging him to not stop. With one merciless last thrust he nudged her over and she let out a series of sharp desperate cries as the waves washed through her in an unbearable mixture of muscle contracting pleasure and pressure. She clutched onto his broad shoulders, nails digging into flesh, gasping for air and salvation from the onslaught of relentless sensations that felt like they would never stop, and yet Joss knew it would be fleeting, mourning the absence before it had fully ebbed away. She felt her own release bring his to a quick and violent end and he let out a low cry, his teeth at her neck as he bit down hard enough to hurt, stifling the sounds of his own climax into her throat.

As they stilled, a prickling of sweat across both their skins, Joss felt herself sag against him in sudden exhaustion, her muscles vibrating in an uncontrollable tremor. She felt unable to keep up the pretence that she was fine after that bombardment on all her senses, like the link between her brain and body was short circuiting.

"You okay?" Billy suddenly gasped, obviously noticing how limp her form had become within his grip, catching her, hands cradling her backside to keep her upright.

"I just... I need to sit a minute," Joss said, feeling a blush rise in her already hot feeling cheeks.

Billy pulled back, slowly moving her off his hips, his touch certain but careful as he helped her sit upon the tiled floor and he came to sit beside her, his back pressed against the cool wall. They both took a moment to catch their breaths.

"Was it too rough?" Billy asked, after several beats of silence had gone on unbroken for some time.

Joss shook her head, not really understanding what had happened. "No, just unexpected, I guess," she said.

"Told you I'd find new ways to surprise you." He grinned and Joss batted him away, before finally finding the will to pull her underwear back into a comfortable position and shift her skirt back down. "Guess that isn't something you did with your older guy?" he asked with a mischievous quirk of his eyebrow as he zipped up his jeans.

"No," Joss conceded. "It was pretty basic bed stuff with him."

"Huh, sounds like a total loser."

Joss reached out, her knuckles grazing his bare arm in a silent thanks for an attempted verbal attack on someone who had hurt her.

"What happened between you and him, in the end?"

Joss sighed, exhausted and unwilling to fight back against his questioning. "He started fooling around with someone else. Or lots of someone elses, and instead of just being straight, he lied to my face." Joss hesitated, hating going back to that memory. Remembering that earnest face that held nothing but deceit, those cool grey eyes that were aware of all her wounds and knew just how to pretend to bandage them, while only opening them wider. "He told me he loved me, to stop me leaving him."

"You left anyway?" Billy said with a knowing look in his eyes.

"I told him I would, so I did."

"Did you regret it?"

Joss shrugged. "He was the only person to give me the time of day so, yeah, until I saw him with his tongue down some other girl's throat the next night."

"See, total loser," Billy said with a sniff.

"I wasn't mad about that." She saw him give her a look that didn't really believe her words. "I'm not saying it was fun to see it, but I didn't feel jealous, just used, and that felt kinda worse." She wiped the remaining sweat off her face with the back of her hand. "To know I really meant nothing after all those months. He'd said 'I love you' so easily, just to get what he wanted, to make me stay, to control me. It gave me the creeps." Joss brushed her hands against her arms, trying to stave off the real chill she did feel in the aftermath of all that pumping blood and warm bodies. "That anyone could say that word, love, but only really want to have power over you." Joss didn't want to say more, to acknowledge that her ex boyfriend had used affection as a weapon against her. It felt stupid to even admit it in her own head, like she was some simpering loser.

Billy gave a slow nod. "Yeah," he said, but for a few seconds offered no further comment until she caught his gaze with hers. Joss wasn't sure what he saw in her eyes, but whatever it was, it made him say more. "That word is a knife."

Joss tried to push back the surprise that wanted to show on her face and instead held him to her gaze as an unspoken promise was exchanged between them, a promise that word would never pass either of their lips while in each others company.

"The guy I got the tapes from back in Cali," Billy continued, dispelling the tense uncomfortable atmosphere, "his girlfriend was cool. She'd been in some hippy cult when she was a teenager and she said they used this technique called love bombing. You know, overwhelm you with sweet shit until you feel safe and cared for?"

Joss gave a distracted nod, her gaze still tethered to his.

"Then once they got you all docile, that's when they strike." He smacked a fist into his open palm in demonstration of that strike. "I don't think it's just a cult thing though, I think a lot of people use something like that to make others do what they want, get you to let down your guard. It's fucked up, what people do to each other."

She nodded again, trying to see through those words into his memories, but knew it was a pointless task.

"So," Joss said, finally breaking eye contact. "I tell you something, you tell me something, right? That's the deal?"

"That wasn't even a real question," Billy said with a laugh.

"A deal is a deal," Joss pushed.

"Okay, Tanner, what does your filthy mind want to know about my love life?"

Joss knew she had a choice to make as to what information she now wanted to gain for her arsenal, and despite all her needy longings to understand what had happened at school with Trish, she decided to stay with the bigger picture of trying to uncover just what made him really tick. "Not about your love life. I saw you and Max fighting again the other day and it got me curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," he warned with a grin of teeth, but he already knew Joss wouldn't back down.

"I want you to tell me what happened between you and her, back in Cali?"

Billy gave her a look that rested somewhere uneasily between anxiety and anger, and then he glanced up at the ceiling and let out a bitter huff of laughter as if he knew she'd caught him. "Here comes the mind bullshit," he said letting out another laugh, this one full of disdain.

"You said no childhood stuff, this is last year stuff. If you can ask about my ex then-"

"Yeah, yeah," Billy dismissed, knowing she was right.

"You said it was Max's fault you had to move here, right?" Joss urged.

"It was her fault," Billy said, his hand lightly balling into a loose fist, in what could have been nervous energy or restrained anger.

"What did she do?"

"Pissed off my old man," Billy snapped a little too quickly, as if he was ready to attack any words she wanted to place in his way.

Joss brushed her cool arms again with her hands. "And?"

"I told you her dad was sniffing around?"

Joss nodded.

"It made my dad pissed. He'd make Susan not take the calls, tell Max he hadn't called, until I guess he did just stop calling, for a while anyway."

Joss remained silent, knowing now she'd got him talking she just had to listen, but her mind made a small note that this sounded a little too similar for comfort to those petering out phone calls from his own mother.

"Max knew she wasn't meant to see him, it wasn't in the court order, because he was a loser that never stood up to bat." Billy looked down at his hands a moment. "Then she started sneaking off. We all thought she was skating with her friends, hanging out with older kids, going places she shouldn't go, that sorta thing. She'd come home late sometimes and it'd cause drama." He took in a deep breath. "I was told to keep an eye on her, make sure she didn't come home late, babysit, but she would have this nasty little habit of slipping out the back window and just vanishing for a few hours. So, I got shit for it, I was the fuck up, I was her 'brother', I should be there all the damn time and be responsible for her. If I messed up, my dad got mad, and, one night he lost it-" He let out a breath of snide laughter, obviously remembering this was about as fun for him as Joss remembering her ex.

Joss' mind went back to their conversation outside the bar on Monday, when Billy had told her how he'd gotten the car. Was this event the catalyst to Billy's nearly broken arm? To him appearing shortly after as the new owner of a shiny blue Camaro?

"Did they know, Susan and Max, that your dad-" Joss found she was now the one that couldn't finish the sentence.

"Susan did. She'd flinch and shit when she saw him do it, say 'stop Neil', in this thin little voice, like she actually cared, but it was just pearl clutching, just shit she didn't want to see. She didn't care, she would've been happy if I just moved out anyway. She told my dad I had 'too much attitude', whatever the fuck that means. I guess she thought I deserved it, because a lot of the time, maybe I did. I talked back, I got angry, I got in fights. I was disrespectful. To her I was just trouble from the start, so why care if that's how my dad deals with me acting out?"

Joss felt all her muscles tense and she drew her legs closer to her chest as if instinctively trying to protect herself from harm, maybe protect him too. She wanted to tell him something comforting, to let him know that he never deserved his father's rage, but she remembered the last time she'd confronted him about his dad's behaviour and he'd pushed back, almost defending the actions as justifiable, his own fault. She could only suppose, knowing him as she now did, that perhaps being punished for what he deemed 'bad behaviour' was easier to stomach than the possibility that he was a victim to something he couldn't control.

Control, it always fell back to that for him and maybe believing his father was just acting like any parent would, was Billy's own version of controlling the narrative of his own life. Fear and parents, in his mind that just went together like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Joss wasn't sure how to navigate this uneven terrain that wouldn't result in him only creating more distance from her, and she knew to interrupt Billy now with her own opinions would only serve to disrupt the whole conversation.

He rolled his head gently back against the wall. "Max disliked me as much as I disliked her, we were both attached to the the living, breathing reasons why my mom and her dad couldn't ever come back and fix things. Susan married my dad." He shrugged. "Even if I knew my mom wouldn't come back... Max still hoped her dad would. So, she was a real shit-bird. We tolerated each other. I had my own stuff going on, she had hers. We just kinda existed in the same space, trying not to cause waves, until my dad made me start taking responsibility for what she did."

Joss nodded but kept silent, once again allowing him to speak in his own time.

"To Max, it was just rebelling against a new life she didn't want, so I had to get real tough on her when warnings weren't doing anything. And my dad, he was just getting angrier at me, at her, because he didn't feel in control. He and Susan started arguing, and I knew... it was gonna go the same way it had when I was a kid."

Joss understood this was all leading somewhere bad, but held her emotions in, waiting for him to reveal the whole story.

"I started breaking Max's shit every time she disobeyed me, every time she lied to me about where she'd been. How many of her tapes and posters and magazines I destroyed, I lost count. She'd get all weepy and then look at me like I was this monster, so I became that monster she was afraid of. So she'd finally stop doing all that stupid shit. It worked for a while."

"I guess it didn't keep working?" Joss put in softly.

"No, it just made her more defiant and sneaky. She started to hide her stuff too, so I couldn't find it." He let out a laugh and it almost sounded like he admired his step sibling's tenacity. "So, one night after we'd argued and I'd broke some of her shit she hadn't managed to squirrel away, and she still snuck out, I followed her. She thought she was so fucking smart, that she'd given me the slip again. It turned out she'd been traveling all the way to down town, on her own, to see her dad at his shitty apartment."

"So, what happened? Did you confront her?"

Billy shook his head. "No, think she'd listen to what I said? Think her deadbeat dad would've just handed her over? I went right on back home and I told my dad where she was, I was sick of being responsible for her, let him deal with it, he married Susan."

Joss' eyes widened. "Why?"

"Joss," He said her name with impatient exasperation, like she should already understand how to untangle this twisted set of knots. "I just wanted her to stop, and I was angry at her causing constant shit, getting me into her bullshit. If she'd carried on, things would have got worse." His hands balled again, his jaw set in determination. "It had to stop."

"So, your dad-"

Billy didn't let her finish, like he couldn't stand hearing her say what came next, fingers raking through his hair. "He went down there, dragged Max back home, then he and Susan argued most of the night. After Max had slammed her door and Susan went to bed, I heard my old man go out, heard his car start. I know he went on back and beat the shit outta Max's dad. I saw his knuckles the next morning."

Joss held her breath a moment, trying to process what he'd said. "Jesus. What did Max's dad do?"

Billy shrugged. "Nothing. Guess he was too much of a chicken shit to do anything. But my dad thought he might call the cops or make a formal complaint, or try and force his way back into Susan's life again with that as his crowbar. My old man, he hated having that threat hang over him."

"And Max?"

"She never found out, she never got a chance to talk to her dad after that." He took a moment to let out an impatient sigh. "It was all decided in days, we were moving as far away from that deadbeat as we could. He didn't even see it coming." Joss thought a smug smile was pulling at his lips for a moment, but when she got a better look, it was more of a grimace. "None of us did."

"So, you moved out here?"

Billy nodded. "About the furthest we could get for that 'fresh start' my dad insisted was the real reason." He shook his head, smirking at the obscene absurdity of it all. "Max blames me for telling, and I blame her for causing trouble in the first place. There's no way to fix that, because I guess we're both right." Billy sniffed and glanced away, the silence heavy between them until he spoke again.

"It was my senior year, the school year had already started back in Cali, and I had to pack up, leave everything. Anyone I knew, the teachers who gave a shit about my grades and final exams..." His hands balled into loose fists again. "The ocean, anything that felt like it mattered, and move to the middle of cow shit nowhere. I had to start all over again. I hate Max for that, but I hate my old man more, because he knew what that'd mean for me, and he did it anyway. Because he didn't give a shit." He sniffed again loudly as if dismissing the words as too emotionally charged. "So, when we came here, all I had was anger, all I felt was anger. My whole life torn open because my dad chose himself and his new family, over me."

Joss stared down at her knees in the vast silence that came next. This felt way too heavy and complex for her to wade through and find her own thoughts. But she did feel she'd suddenly grown a whole load of understanding as to why the step siblings seemingly couldn't stand each other.

"Old habits die hard for Max," Billy continued, "guess she's too fucking dumb to learn. She caused trouble when we moved too, wouldn't listen when I warned her, and after last year... the last time things got heated, we agreed to just not have anything to do with each other. Live separate lives and stop trying to be any kind of family. That's fine by me."

Joss wanted to ask more about that last time, was that what Jonathan had told her about in the arcade, about the night Billy had beaten Steve Harrington to within an inch of his life? But she held herself back, feeling this was all more than enough to hear in one sitting.

"Sometimes my dad makes me pick her up, or take her to school, but other than that, we stay as far away as we can."

Joss let out a sigh.

She wanted to reach out and touch him, comfort him, to tell him a strange kind of thank you for telling her all this, while at the same time she couldn't help the instinct to recoil away from him for the way he'd treated his step sister throughout this situation. Max had only been a kid wanting her dad back in her life and he'd been callously mean, a bully... But Joss also didn't feel she had any right to judge him, she didn't know what she would have done in his position, in his life, in his shoes. She supposed he'd been juggling the situation as best he could, trying to manage his dad's anger, Max's rebellion and Susan's apathy. Joss wanted to believe that part of him had been trying to protect Max too, from having his father's anger directed at her, but she understood it was a wishful belief that wanted to cast him as the hero, when there weren't any in this story, only flawed, hurt people. Maybe this was the best for both Billy and Max, to come to a point of agreement of just not getting involved in each others lives?

"Do you... regret it?" Joss asked softly.

"Regret what?" Billy threw the words at her.

"Being so hard on her?"

"Sometimes," he admitted, but continued with his usual graceless snark, "better she learn sooner than later, that life is just one big shit show. You get hurt less if you know everyone can hurt you."

Joss didn't know if he really believed that or if it was just bravado to cover the hurt and guilt, but she somehow knew he did believe the 'sometimes' and that felt like it mattered.

"Your dad is the shit show," Joss breathed.

"Yeah, maybe." Billy glanced over at her, his eyes narrowing. "Is that enough juicy drama for you, Tanner?" he said, breaking the moment completely, his sudden look of annoyance making Joss back down from any attempts of empathic tenderness instantly.

"Yeah, enough drama," Joss said, and moved her gaze to her fidgeting hands, not wanting to look him in the eyes in that moment.

"Okay, well, I have to lock up and you have to get to work, so let's finish this up."

"Yeah," Joss said, following his lead as he got to his feet. He grabbed her forearm, pulling her up, and for a moment Joss thought he was holding on a little longer than was strictly necessary to make sure she was steady, but he pulled away before she could read any meaning on his face.

She began to follow him out of the door, still feeling stunned from their physical interaction, but somehow even more so by their conversation about his past.

"Oh, Tanner?" he said, suddenly blocking her way through the doorway with a lazy casual barrier of his arm.

"Hmm?" Joss said.

"I'll be by to pick you up after work."

"Okay," Joss shrugged, not seeing the harm.

"Then we'll go back to yours."

"Oh, we will?" Joss said, now grabbing onto her senses enough to question his thought process.

"Yeah." He grinned his most charming grin. "We have some 'basic bed stuff' to work out." He playfully pushed his tongue through slightly parted lips in what Joss took to be an attempt at defusing all the tension between them. It worked and she laughed, pushing past him.

Chapter Text

Billy and Joss Fanart by Ekkurea. Scene from chapter 3.

Chapter Text

When Joss awoke the next morning in her own bed, she felt sore all over, but strangely satisfied too, like that starving primal thing inside of her had finally been sated for the time being.

Billy's naked body was pushed against her back, his warm skin sticky against hers in the humid heat of early morning. The sound of his soft nasal snores made her chuckle to herself in getting to see a hidden vulnerable side of him.

It strangely reminded her of the time her dad had taken her to the zoo when she'd been a little girl. The male lion had been lazing around while the females prowled the fence boundaries, giving each new onlooker a good once over. Everyone crowded to see the male lion and its big bushy mane, it looked just like the pictures in Joss' school books. Except it wasn't stood on a rocky outcrop looking majestic, it was sleeping and rolled fully onto its back, paws in the air, in a way that reminded Joss far more of an over-pampered house cat stretching out in the sun. Joss could still remember those strange noises it made, king of the jungle snores, her dad had called them, some strange mixture of a deep rumbling purr and a snort. To Joss' childish private delight, Billy made a very similar noise as he slept.

When he finally awoke, they'd rolled easily into another session of intimately intertwining bodies, although unlike the night before, this wasn't heated, but lazy and almost half-hearted as they were both still exhausted from their enthusiastic late night exploits, but not exhausted enough to take sex completely off the menu.

They'd been in no rush to actually get up and start their day after that, even if they both had work that afternoon. They lazed around for another few hours, dozing and listening to music as the sunlight slowly made its way across the stuffy room. When she felt she couldn't sleep any more, Joss moved onto her side, studying Billy's seemingly still sleeping face for a moment, trying to conjure the exact words she wanted to say, but feeling no real courage for the task. Just as always, she'd underestimated his acute awareness of his surroundings, he seemed to know without opening his eyes exactly what she was doing. Even if he couldn't quite read her thoughts just yet, it felt like he was getting unnervingly close.

"What?" he questioned with a resigned sigh.

"What happened to your earring?" Joss asked, slipping his unadorned earlobe between her thumb and index finger pads, feeling the indent of the tiny hole beneath her touch.

He reached up and stilled her hand with his, and gave another sigh, this time a little less sceptical. "Can't wear it at work." His thumb casually massaged her palm, pulling her hand down to his chest and holding it there. He shifted his body a little, finding a comfortable position fully on his back, seeming ready to doze off again. "I might just let it close up, it's a hassle."

"What?"" Joss blurted, surprised by just how distressing she found him saying this, and realized quickly, and a little guiltily, that it was because she loved the way he looked wearing those dangling earrings.

"Can't wear anything that can get caught or tangled at the pool, you know, in case I need to actually save someone. Some hot Mrs Robinson type that needs some serious mouth to mouth." He grinned, teasing her and enjoying it. "Can't have my earring getting tangled in her back comb, right?" He was chuckling at his own joke and Joss nudged him roughly in the ribs. In punishment he pinched the skin at her wrist sharply making Joss nudge him again.

"Ouch!" she said, playing up the pain to a dramatic degree.

His thumb began its rhythmic caress of the curve of her palm again, smoothing over the area he had just penalized with extra attention, as if soothing her protests.

"I lost the hoop I used to wear to school and... at home. So, it's a hassle to take it out if I get caught out at school, or my dad sees it."

"Guess your dad hates it then?" Joss said, sounding completely unsurprised.

"Yeah, he hates anything like that. Thinks it's too girly, or vain, or something. He nearly blew a gasket when I had it done. That chick that was in the cult-" he began.

"Oh, yeah, the music store guy's girlfriend, right?" Joss said, with a teasing smirk on her lips, detecting that perhaps a younger Billy might have had a little crush on this increasingly cool sounding woman.

"Yeah, she pierced it for me. Should have seen my old man's face when I came home." He was laughing now at the memory, revelling in it. "Thought he'd burst a blood vessel." His laughter died a little as that happy memory butted against the cold reality that had obviously come after his attempted act of rebellion. He didn't have to tell Joss it had been bad, the look on his face and the stiff set of his jaw, said it all.

"Yeah, your dad seems like the type," Joss said offhandily, trying to sound casual while battling her urges to reach out and touch him and tell him something useless and unwanted. That he was safe here with her, they could stay hidden away for as long as they both wanted, forever maybe, if he'd give up the outside world and remain in her enclosed little bubble. It was a fantasy even Joss knew was cruel, Billy always needed the light, the attention, it fuelled him. He'd wither if she restrained and smothered him.

"The type to what? You've never even met him." Billy pinched her wrist lightly again making Joss slap a hand playfully against his chest.

"No, but I've met a lot of people like him," Joss said, lowering her cheek onto his chest, hearing the steady thump of his heart beneath her.

"And? What type is he then?" Billy said when she didn't finish her sentence.

"The type to read way too much into an earring," Joss said, closing her eyes and listening just a little harder to the inner beat of him.

Billy let out a laugh. "Yeah, stuck in the past. He'd be the first one out with a bible and holy water if he saw too many people step outta line or dress too weird, even though he's not set foot in a church in like fifteen years. Damn hypocrites."

"Exactly," Joss said. "I hope I never get that way, to just dismiss what comes next as wrong or crazy, you know? I want to be one of those cool adults that thinks everything new is fun or interesting. I want to stay open and curious. I knew a few 'groovy' adults like that back in California."

"Groovy?" Billy questioned, and Joss felt a laugh rumble in his chest.

"Yeah, groovy," Joss said, with a more playful force. "They always seemed, I dunno, effortless, or maybe timeless?"

Billy scoffed. "Good luck finding any here in Hawkins. Seems most people here get outta high school and just become zombies, compelled to suddenly hunger for a 'good job', then hunger to get married, all that shit. In the end they just become those same adults they probably hated as kids. Life likes to play practical jokes that way." He sniffed and cleared his throat lowly, as if completely unaffected by his words, like he was reciting facts out of an encyclopedia.

"You think it'll happen to us too?" Joss said, chancing a glance up through her lashes at his face.

"Who knows, especially here. It drains you and it's easy to feel that hunger, you know? Be what others want. To just step in line?"

It sounded like a question, but when Joss chanced another look up at him, he was staring off into space as if lost in his own thoughts a moment, so she didn't reply.

"Back in Cali everyone is kinda more free, I guess. If I get my way I'm gonna be running my own bar back there, maybe my own body shop... If I get really lucky maybe in the next biggest rock band, covered in groupies and living every second like it's my last," he laughed.

"Can you play anything to even be in a rock band?" Joss said, with a dubious raise of both eyebrows.

Billy had closed his eyes again but opened one judgmental blue eye to give her a disapproving look. "Yeah, I can play guitar, kinda. I used to hang around some music stores and play around for a few hours until they kicked me out when it got busy. I can just about remember all the chords to Stairway to Heaven."

"Jesus, I bet they loved you," Joss said with a sharp sarcastic edge, feeling a little rush at being with someone that could make a guitar joke.

It was a well known standing fact in any music establishment that to strum out Stairway To Heaven, Smoke On The Water or Iron Man in a guitar store drove the employees crazy, because they were always played either to the point of ad nauseum or completely out of tune. Joss had seen more than a few hastily drawn up hard line rules when she'd lived in California. The music stores always had a good selection of cassette tapes along with instruments, so she'd become quite familiar with the staff's pet peeves. "How many stores did you get kicked out of exactly?" Joss ribbed, but Billy had closed his eyes again, impervious to her teasing.

"What about me? Think that's my fate, to fall into line?" Joss asked softly after a beat of silence.

Billy let out a grunt, eyes still closed while a grin spread across his face. "Nah, you'll get out, end up as some damn hippy giving out advice and random rock music facts to anyone that'll listen, and harassing those that don't, until you're just known as 'Crazy Old Tanner'." He chuckled, seemingly able to see the exact half-annoyed expression on Joss' face without opening his eyes. "Or maybe you'll stay, find something worthwhile under all the cow shit, I dunno Tanner, why don't you get out your crystal ball?"

Joss laughed and then they were both silent, the sound of birdsong coming in from outside, along with the distant sounds of someone down the street mowing their lawn. Joss had almost begun to drift into full sleep when her mind pushed forward an idea that made her snap back awake, and she jerked her head off Billy's chest, making him start and let out a little grunt of displeasure at being disturbed.

"What now?" Billy said, not even attempting to hide his annoyance.

"I had an idea," Joss said, scooting herself to the end of the bed, making the mattress springs bounce and squeak with the sudden energetic movement, and Billy let out another unhappy grunt as his body was tussled in Joss' scramble to get to her feet.

She walked over to her dressing table and began to sort through the messy contents of many bags and drawers, making a great racket as she did so, until she came to a small music box. She opened the lid and it began to play a very clunky strained 'pink-plonk' version of 'The Sugar Plum Fairy', while a little ballerina twirled jerkily with the music. Her lace tutu now well worn and grubby and her face paint reduced to only a few little specks of black for eyes and red for lips after years of childish fingers following her dance with eager touches.

Billy tolerated the commotion for a few seconds. "Hey, Tanner?" he said, sounding very grumpy. "Can you turn into a Gremlin later? It's too early for this shit."

Joss ignored him, her fingers searching, until she let out a hiss of delight and held up her hand in triumph. "Found it," she said, looking incredibly pleased with herself. She then proceeded to scramble back onto the bed with all the grace of an elephant, which served to only make Billy's body bounce in all the movement like he was riding a wave, which resulted in him letting out a few more gruff sounds of disapproval.

Before he could scold her further or react to her determined actions, her fingers were at his ear, working at prodding and pulling at his earlobe.

"Hey! Ow!" Billy said, moving his head tensely away as if she were attacking him.

Joss blew out a frustrated puff of air. "Just hold still for once, okay?" she insisted.

Billy sighed heavily in indignant tolerance and allowed her to continue in her mission. Joss tried to be a little less clumsy and eager, making her fingers gentle. "There, done," she said, pulling back with a flash of a smile.

Billy's hand explored his ear a moment, feeling the little hoop that now sat snugly against his skin, his fingertips glancing across the smooth thin metal surface.

"It's real small so it won't get tangled, and maybe your dad won't even notice it, if your hair is in the way. I can hardly see it." She grinned in encouragement, craving his praise, but feeling foolish for wanting it at all.

Billy didn't say anything but inspected the earring again with a soft touch, his eyes soberly upon her as if this was all some trick he hadn't quite worked out yet.

"You can take the other one too," Joss rushed out, trying to fill the awkward silence. "My mom bought them for me last Christmas. They are real silver, or something, so she thought I'd like them, not that she has any idea what I like." She raised a teasing eyebrow to him. "You may have noticed, my tastes run a little bigger." She laughed, suddenly feeling nervous and vulnerable, kneeling before him still completely naked and exposed to the daylight. She casually tried to cover herself with a strategic raise of one knee and folded her arms across her chest, hoping he wouldn't call her out on this sudden discomfort. After last night and everything they'd done together, to each other, she felt, somehow, like an impostor in her own skin.

But, his eyes weren't exploring her body, they were firmly upon her face, searching for what, Joss didn't really know. A confession of some kind perhaps? A punchline? A witty snipe? She didn't have more to add, the intention behind her actions feeling too genuine to play off as anything but this moment and her stupid open heart reaching out for a pat on the head before she could snatch its aching longing back into her chest. She could feel herself beginning to flush.

Billy slowly reached out, his grip coming to her upper arms, guiding her down to lie on top of his body. He brushed the hair out of her face, eyes searching and questioning again, but Joss still didn't know what the question he wanted answering was. He met her lips with his own and explored her with slow gentle kisses for a few nerve tingling moments and Joss couldn't help but think this was a kind of thank you.

When they parted, Joss watched him again as he closed his eyes, his palms tracing the sides of her curves from hips to shoulders in smooth fluid movements, like he was distractedly stroking a lap cat as he went back to gently dozing. She knew now probably wasn't the best time to go into school stuff when they were naked, pressed belly to belly, but when was it ever a good time?

"Why'd you break up with Trish?"

"Is it top tier gossip already?" he said, finally opening one lazy eye and focusing upon her for a moment before closing it again.

"I thought she was your 'keeping up the neighbourhood' thing?" Joss pushed.

He cleared his throat and shifted his position slightly, causing Joss to move too and settle back beside him on the bed. He brought up one hand to rest behind his head before he spoke. "She wanted us to start being exclusive. I guess she got spooked about me hanging out with you."

"Me?!" Joss' voice was high and panicked, ready to barrel into a torrent of accusations.

"Well, not you personally, but whoever the girl at the cinema was."

"Oh," Joss said, allowing her body to relax.

"She knew that wasn't what we agreed, but like I said, she got spooked. I guess all the weekends I didn't want to hang out because I was hanging out with you, played some part. She always wanted a quickie or to blow me at parties and then parade around like she was showing off how much we fucked, and that was getting old before I met you, so-"

"Too much information," Joss interrupted.

"Don't go all squeamish on me, Tanner, not after last night." He grinned, flashing all his teeth in delight at getting to call her out. "It wasn't exciting with Trish, ever. Sex was fine, but not fun, just normal, something we did to pass the time. I dunno, it just was what it was."

Joss didn't want to feel the little swell of pride that threatened to bloom, garish and self serving, somewhere deep in her chest at those words, but the knowledge he found his time with her exciting in a way he never had with Trish, made her feel triumphant. Joss didn't particularly like the feeling of basking in another girl's downfall, but it was hard not to feel that glow growing inside her.

Billy seemed to sense her thoughts before they'd even fully formed in her own head. "Don't go getting an ego here, Tanner, I've had a lot of great sex, Trish just wasn't that."

Joss knew she should have felt that as the jab it was intended to be, but his face was smiling down at her, like he was playing gently with her feelings rather than trying to rip out her guts.

"No big egos, got it." She slid a palm across the jut of his hip, making his smile widen.

"You're far from the worst though," he said, catching her hand before it could explore further. "I wasn't fucking around, the other day," he said softly, "at the bar. Me and Trish, we haven't done anything like that since you and me started getting heavy."

Joss felt that thing in her chest swell a little further.

"So I don't know," Billy said with a deep sigh, bringing the conversation away from that little confession as if it hadn't happened at all. "Maybe it was all that stuff that made Trish go Twilight Zone on me. She'd always been chill about it, me with other girls, or when I lost interest for a while. When she had a guy on the side she did the same thing, so it felt even." He shrugged helplessly. "But, something rubbed her the wrong way this time. I don't know, chicks are a mystery," he said with a playful grin, clearly not taking any of this seriously.

"A total enigma," Joss mocked with a roll of her eyes. "So, what? She wanted you to actually go steady?"

"Yeah, get serious. She started talking about stuff after school finished. She wasn't fun anymore." He opened his eyes briefly and Joss got the distinct feeling he was judging her reaction to all this information. "Plus, I didn't want you getting your face wiped across the girl's locker room floor," he taunted, using her own words as a stick to poke her with. "So it felt like a win-win."

"I'm not stepping into her shoes," Joss said stubbornly.

"No one is asking you to," Billy said, closing his eyes again, acting as if he was now just going back to enjoying the lazy time ticking by and the soft music playing in the background. "I don't want another Trish, too much work. This is easier."

"Did you just call me easy?" Joss quipped, with a pulled punch to his ribs, which made him let out a huff of air in surprise.

"Didn't say that either." He sounded far too smug, and settled easily back into a relaxed posture, as if unconcerned with what she thought at all.

Joss didn't really know what to say to that so she rolled over and slowly sat upon the edge of the bed. Now felt like as good a time as any to move the day forward, her stomach was grumbling for food. She looked down at her bare feet a moment trying to make a path through all the muddle of thoughts that wanted to crowd around her.

Billy was now officially single, and lying only inches away from her, in her bed, completely naked. Something about that sent a little shot of anxiety through her nerves, because with Trish as a barrier things had felt safe somehow, less serious. Like things couldn't get out of control because he had a public girlfriend to deal with when all was said and done. That barrier was now gone.

She heard him let out a deep sigh of exasperation and he moved to sit up, nudging his body closer to her back, a hand snaking around her upper torso, palm sliding sensually across her chest until his forearm covered her breasts. He pulled her back against his chest and his lips found the sensitive skin just behind her ear and followed a slow lingering path down to her shoulder.

"Stop over thinking everything," he murmured in between kisses. "You keep saying you want to live in the moment, no ties, right?"

Joss made a low noise of agreement in the back of her throat.

"I'm right here, now. That's all that matters."

Joss turned her head to glance back over her shoulder and allowed her own lips to find his in a reply of understanding, and in return Billy pulled her closer, his fingers seeking between her thighs in affirmation that this was all that counted in this moment, the pleasure. Joss felt that last layer of security begin to dissolve completely as skin pressed to skin once again, and she knew there wouldn't be any more safety nets, only the trust in each other's word.

/

Joss had taken a quick shower and then Billy had followed her lead and taken one of his own. They both got dressed and Joss couldn't help but notice how in the diffused light of her room, his damp curls made him look like a full brunette.

He'd searched around in the bag he'd brought with him from work, a brown leather postal bag that bulged with an array of things it hadn't been made to carry. He pulled out a couple of bottles and focused on pumping some viscous liquid into his hand from one, which he then began to work through his hair as his eyes flicked to her watching him intently through the mirror.

"So, what do they do?" Joss asked, unable to restrain her curiosity. "Doesn't look like mousse."

"It's not mousse, it's setting lotion," he said, smoothing the product through his hair with careful fingers. The mousse should help lock the curls in place, you can't just scrunch it and hope for the best." He gave Joss a smirk through the reflection, obviously calling out her clueless approach to hair styling.

"Well, I kinda never had anyone teach me another way," she said, with a sulky edge, and then hesitated, her lips slightly parted as if the words had become stuck.

"What, Tanner?" Billy said, a little sharpness in his tone that told her to get on with it.

"Will you? Teach me to..." Her words slipped off, she knew she sounded kind of pathetic, not in the least bit cool or confident and her face burned with sudden heat.

Billy let out a low laugh and Joss' eyes went back to his in the mirror, surprised by his response and not quite knowing if he was laughing with her or at her. She caught a glance of her own reflection and looked away hoping she could hide her embarrassment, but the colour was already too high in her cheeks and nose to be missed.

"That's fucking adorable," Billy said with another laugh, and Joss still didn't know if he was teasing her. "Get over here, then." He gave an impatient gesture of his head that she should come join him and Joss slowly got off the bed, her movements unsure, as if expecting some cruel practical joke. "So, you gotta put some of this on your palms, smooth it between your hands." He pumped a few squirts of the liquid into her hands and watched with evaluating eyes as Joss performed the task, more than ready to bark out when she did something wrong. "Now, just kinda, finger it through your hair." He showed her again with his own hair and Joss copied his movements.

"Okay, so what? It looks the same," Joss asked, looking unimpressed at the finished result in the mirror.

"Nah, we gotta finger coil next. Brings out the curls. Then we add the mousse and let it air dry. Last for a few days then, you can fluff it up with some hairspray if it needs it, it's all in the prep."

This all seemed like a lot of upkeep to Joss, but she didn't say anything and watched as he began to demonstrate how to wrap each section of hair around a finger to create a tight coil and then after a few seconds, gently release it.

Joss followed his movements, taking a little longer with the length of her hair to perform the task. "Oh!" Joss let out a little sigh of delight as her hair sprang back into a perfect ringlet.

"Big difference, right?" Billy said, with a flash of a bright grin.

Joss produced another beautiful curl and stared at it in astonishment. "How the hell did you learn to do this?"

"The guy who owned the music store back in Cali-"

"He taught you?" Joss said, cutting him off in teasing.

"No," Billy said, with a grunt of laughter, "his girl. She was a hairdresser and had these big curls that looked so good, while my hair was a puffball. I hung around enough that one day she just asked if I'd ever tried it, said my hair would look amazing if I gave it a go. Gave me some spare products she had from work and showed me how to do the finger curling thing, and that was all she wrote."

He flashed a beautiful wholehearted grin at Joss and she stuttered at her curling attempts, eyes unsure she'd seen what was right in front of her. For a moment that mask he always wore slipped, and it wasn't just a glimpse, it was a full on reveal, and she saw him completely unguarded, genuine, no motives or games, just Billy, and the trust that suddenly shone through that smile and those summer blue eyes suddenly made Joss' heart ache. She so rarely got to see this side of him that she felt she suddenly didn't want to move, like she'd startle the deer grazing nearby with her clumsy movements.

"You okay?" Billy asked, after a few seconds too long had passed with Joss remaining stiff and unresponsive.

"Yeah, yeah," she said, stumbling over the words, "just a lot of work, right?" She gave a dismissive sniff, reluctantly letting the moment go. When she looked at him again, the mask was back on, the unrestrained smile and unwary open eyes smothered by a needed charade. She hadn't noticed before just how stiff his posture always was, until for that brief moment she'd seen him fully relax.

Billy was already half done with his hair and Joss hadn't even finished one section yet. "It takes time to get good at it, get quicker. But, you'll get there," Billy said, as he turned back to the mirror and finished doing his curling in what felt to Joss like a flash. Then he carefully scrunched some mousse into his hair and the result was almost his usual perfectly fluffy curled hairstyle, apart from the fact it wasn't quite dry yet.

"Here," he said turning to her, "let me do some, we'll be here all day otherwise, your hair is so damn long, and my stomach thinks my throat's been cut." Billy's stomach then gave a little rumble as if to put a blunt exclamation on that point.

"Your fingers are way thicker than mine, so that's an unfair comparison." Joss gave another indignant sniff and Billy smirked, his eyes dancing with some sexual innuendo to her words that he smugly kept to himself. Joss felt herself flush again.

She allowed him to do what he knew so well, his hands expertly smoothing and coiling and Joss secretly savoured every second of his relaxing touch, the sensation reminding her of being a young girl getting her hair braided by a friend in the playground on a warm summer day.

By the time they'd finished Joss was looking at herself in the mirror with a strange awe that this was actually her hair. It was glossy and bouncy and full of defined curls. She looked like a movie star, or at least like she'd stolen a movie star's hair.

"Looks good on you," Billy said, dipping his mouth to hers, his hands at her waist pulling her to him, and Joss smiled into the kiss she returned.

Chapter Text

They finally found their way downstairs and Joss made them some toasted waffles for breakfast, even though it had already ticked well past the time most decent people would eat their lunch. The waffles were the only thing suitable she had left in the pantry. The bread had gone moldy and the milk sour. So, dry, slightly stale waffles it was.

Billy sat at the kitchen counter in jeans, T-shirt and bare feet. "You're kind of a slob, you know?" he said with a wry quirk of his brow, glancing around the place in open evaluation of full daylight, nibbling at the edges of the waffle as if only really eating it out of politeness.

"I am not a slob," Joss countered, hiking her foot under her thigh to gain a more comfortable position on her stool opposite him.

Billy reached back and opened the mostly empty fridge, revealing the rancid bottle of yellow looking milk and something that could have once been some kind of salad vegetable, but was now a puddle of brown mush on a glass shelf, slowly growing its own ecosystem. His eyebrow lifted in a blatant expression of mocking.

Joss rolled her eyes, her bare shoulder shrugging out of her oversized T-shirt. "That's not being a slob. That's just-"

"Not looking after yourself," Billy said, releasing the fridge door with a gentle push, allowing it to close.

"Alright mom, Jesus!" Joss said, narrowing her eyes at him. "I just haven't had time to get groceries. It's fine, I have tinned tomatoes and dried pasta, I'll live."

"If you can call that living."

"I do, stop fussing."

Billy gave her a look that came across as a glowering warning, and Joss felt she wouldn't have to push too hard to turn it into a full anger driven reprimand. "I'm not fussing," he said, spitting out the last word. "I'm just saying you need to eat more than junk. You need to eat real food."

Joss took an exaggerated bite of her waffle in defiance, chewing it with a childish open-mouthed satisfaction which caused him to pull an irritated grossed out face at her. "My house, my rules," she said through the mouthful of food.

He shook his head as if exasperated by her. "Yeah, well, don't come crying to me when you get heart disease, or some shit."

"I'm sorry?" Joss said, her own expression now incredulous. "Are you, 'Mr smoke till I have to clear my throat every twenty seconds', telling me how to be healthier?"

"Smoking isn't as bad as a shitty diet. Besides, smoking helps to suppress your appetite."

"That just sounds like starving yourself," Joss said, with another roll of her eyes. "Think I'd rather have a stale waffle now and again, than be dragging that shit into my lungs and smelling like fusty cigarettes all day." That jibe was a little redundant because with Billy around, she always smelled like smoke. It clung to her clothing and hair, reminding her constantly of who she had just hung out with.

"You don't do sports, you don't eat right, you act like a hermit, you only go out in the day for school or work," he said, counting each point out on his fingers, making every new thing sound like a personal flaw.

Joss exhaled sharply. "I go out with you plenty," she argued back.

"Yeah at night, like you're a damn vampire."

"You say that like it'd actually be a bad thing," Joss said, with a flippant shrug.

"You could do with some time getting those rays," he pushed, his hands skimming over his own sun-bronzed arms in a vivid example of what he meant.

"I don't tan, I just burn. So, no thanks," Joss said indifferently. "Besides, if I stay out in the sun, it brings me out in hives. I'm a night owl, shoot me." She eyed him with suspicion. "You have the memory of a goldfish anyway, I met you at the pool only yesterday in full daylight. So, your vampire logic is flawed. I'd be dust by now and you'd have had a very lonely night with Mrs Palmer and her five daughters." She grinned, finding her joke rather funny, but Billy didn't seem to be listening.

He ignored her attempted witty come backs and continued doggedly with his point. "Susan thinks I'm a slacker, always on at me about my room needing a clean, but she'd lose her tiny little mind if she saw the state of this place. Look at how thick this dust is?" He swiped a few fingertips upon a nearby set of drawers, the grey grubby fluff coating his skin. "I guess, with no one around to check on you, it's easy to fall into bad habits, huh?" he said, with a sarcastic sagely air.

Joss gave him a withering look. "I promise, hand on heart, pinkie swear, I will never come crying to you about my bad junk food habits, or how unfit I am, or my terrible housekeeping, or anything else, happy? I'm eighteen, I think I'll be fine. Besides my mom cleans when she gets back every few months. If she cared about the house being so 'unclean', she'd ask right?" she said, taking another large bite. "The dust is decoration," she mumbled around the food. "I like it, stop wiping it off with your dirty fingers." Joss was tempted to flip him the bird, but curbed the childish urge by focusing upon chewing the now half-regretted big mouthful of waffle she'd taken to spite him.

"Whatever you say, baby," he said, wiping the dust against his thigh and dropping the half-eaten waffle onto his plate.

Joss gave him a glare across the counter, annoyed at his insistence of trying to force that stupid nickname into casual banter. "I really," Joss closed her eyes in frustration, "really, hate that nickname."

Billy chuckled, enjoying her open discomfort. "Well, you can think of one for me, to get me back. We can be like some boring old couple that do nothing but drink coffee on their porch and go shuffling around Starcourt at super slow speed just to annoy everyone-"

"We are not a couple," Joss countered with a narrowing of her eyes, but Billy ignored her completely again, too intent on squeezing every ounce of fun out of the topic for his own amusement.

"Call each other honey bun and snookums." He grinned with glee, his nose scrunching, at the disgusted look upon Joss' face.

"Sounds exactly like the life I always wanted," she said with sarcasm. Joss then considered his words before a smug smirk pulled at one corner of her mouth before she could restrain it. "Okay, sure. I'll call you something in Italian."

"Oh, from your trip with your folks seeing all the saints and shit?" he chuckled.

"Yeah, saints and shit. I remember a few words."

"Okay, lay it on me."

"Coglione," Joss said with all the dramatics she could muster.

"Wait, what does that mean?" Billy said, easily able to pick up that this was not a term of endearment.

"Guess you'll never know." Joss shrugged, still looking a little too smug.

"Where did you learn this so called 'nickname'?"

"Some kid at a café, he could speak a bit of broken English, I knew pig Italian. He told me it's a great word to use when you want to ask someone to move, because it's such a cute word everyone would let me skip queues and stuff."

"Wait, wait," Billy said, shaking his head in disbelief, the hint of a smile appearing as he spoke. "So you're telling me, you, a little kid, went about shouting out a word you didn't understand?"

"Exactly!" Joss said with a suppressed giggle.

"So what did it mean, I'm guessing something bad?"

"Depends what you mean by bad. I mean, it worked, everyone got out of my way," Joss said, biting her bottom lip to restrain more laughter, her eyes glinting with high mischief.

"Well, from that shit eating grin on your face, it means something insulting," Billy said with a narrowed side eye.

"No, no, it's cute, honestly," she said, grinning so hard now that her face ached.

"You're not gonna to tell me, are you?"

Joss shook her head. "Nope."

"Okay, no more nicknames." Billy finally relented, understanding exactly what Joss' ploy was, but it had still worked and made him back down.

"Sounds perfect," Joss said, finishing her waffle and reaching over to scoop up the half eaten one from his plate, before taking another bite.

"Well, whatever, Tanner." Billy sucked a disapproving sigh past his lips before his eyes drifted reluctantly to the kitchen clock. "I gotta go to work." He stood up from the stool and waited a moment for Joss to finish her mouthful of waffle before bending down, about to kiss her with a soft peck on the lips.

Joss' mind flared with a mixture of panic and anger at that casual intimate gesture, baulking against the entire concept of this suddenly all feeling like Little House on the Prairie. The husband giving a sweet farewell to his little wifey. All the carefree talk of couples and nicknames now settling in her stomach like a pound of lead. Petty arguments about food and her cleaning habits now feeling like a secret sharp jab to bring her somehow in line. She jerked her head to the side, making him pointedly kiss her cheek instead.

"Yeah, whatever, Hargrove," Joss said, with all the careless punk attitude she could summon, rejecting the whole concept of a happy nuclear family with those spiteful sounding words. In reality knowing she didn't sound tough or cool, just kinda lame, and she'd wince at this memory later when she had a chance to look back at how she'd acted.

Billy laughed at her sudden dramatic mood change. "You're a weirdo, Tanner, you know that?"

Joss gave him a sour smile. "Only way I wanna be."

/

Joss tapped a finger against the counter as she glanced around the arcade, it was even quieter than last week. Saturday was usually their busiest day, but she could have counted the number of customers she'd seen on two hands since she'd arrived at four thirty to take over from Mark. It was the reason her boss, Gus, had reduced the opening times to only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and why now, there only needed to be one member of staff each shift. It wasn't worth the electric bill to open any other day. She let out a sigh as she put away the hot dog buns and turned off the slushie machine, not having served a single one, and knowing Gus would only see it as more waste.

Starcourt was slowly stealing all their customers, and Joss knew by the end of summer this place wouldn't exist. It was a sad thought, she'd spent the best part of three years working here, but she didn't allow herself to dwell on it, because she would be out of this backwater town before the arcade fully died, living her life, finally free.

She wanted to be free of school, of Hawkins, her commitments, and right now, free of Billy too. Whatever this was between them felt like it was tottering on some kind of knife edge, and if she didn't balance herself very carefully, she was going to get cut up pretty badly.

Today had freaked her out if she was totally honest with herself. It had felt almost too easy to begin the slippery slide into domestication and small town life. Is that what Billy expected? Wanted? That she'd stay and they'd settle down, get soul sucking day jobs and slowly waste away in a town that had nothing to give either of them? Is that what he'd been hinting at in her bed, when he'd said maybe she'd find something to stay for in Hawkins? Had that throwaway comment really been a manipulation tactic?

Jesus, did he want kids? Or more to the point, did he want them at some point in future? Joss at least didn't feel she had to worry about that issue becoming an accidental problem right now, since her mom had put her on birth control the moment she'd turned fourteen, terrified her daughter would end up a teenage mother, just like her. Besides, Billy was careful too, he almost always had protection on him. It only became something to be discussed after their meeting in the library, when they'd already become hot and heavy on his backseat. They quickly discovered he'd forgotten to replenish the stash of condoms he kept in his wallet and he'd suggested going back to his, Joss had saved the heat of the moment by revealing she was on the pill. Since then they had always been extra careful, each carrying a few extra condoms in their wallets, and Joss felt pretty confident that right now, they were fine. But what about the future? What if he expected her to not only be his public girlfriend... but more too?

Her thoughts raced, filling her head with a mass of swirling anxiety.

Joss suddenly felt a ripple of panic flare through her. She didn't want to be trapped here, that had always been her biggest fear, that this place was all life had to offer, and there was nothing beyond. No matter how all consuming her lust for Billy felt, it wasn't worth that. She'd never intended to stay and she wouldn't, not for him, not for anything, she'd rather leap into Lover's Lake and never come back up.

Maybe she was finally starting to peel herself away from the fantasy of desire? It had been fun while it lasted but the shine was starting to feel tarnished the further she got into all this, the closer those choices got to being made in reality.

It didn't matter that she was leaping way too far ahead, it didn't matter if it would never come to that, because she and Billy wouldn't last the month, never mind a locked in lifetime, it mattered that these thoughts terrified her.

The memories of their steamy, endless-feeling night couldn't stand up to this sudden toxic corrosion either. What had felt exciting and new, on reflection now lost the heady afterglow. Up until this point Joss had thought it had been an equal sharing of pleasure. But had it? Now she could see through all the haze of lust, it was clear that Billy had led everything. He controlled how much she touched him, and there had been too many instances when she had reached out with seeking caresses or hungry lips, only to be pushed and pulled back into submission, and his own touch had been king, bringing her to a mindless moaning mess before she had time to gather any counteraction. When someone was offering constant pleasure it was hard to think clearly at all, to see through those new delights, but now it was clear, he never allowed her to return the favour.

It passed through Joss' mind that perhaps, he didn't really enjoy being touched. But he had responded as if he liked it when she'd managed to get her own way for a few seconds, before he'd pushed her back onto the bed and given her all she wanted and more, dazzled her into new depths of carnality she hadn't known even existed. But, it felt like it was always on his terms. He'd plainly said Trish got to blow him at parties, so why was it that when Joss tried anything even remotely like that, he misdirected her attempts back into him touching her?

Was she doing it wrong? She'd never had any complaints before, in fact guys seemed to go crazy for a quick, secret hand job, or a blow job in the back seat of a car, almost as much as they coveted that last stretch to finally getting a full home run.

Billy had inferred she was exciting, where Trish wasn't, that sex had been boring with his ex, so what was the problem? He always seemed really into it, he hit the big O as many times as she did, so, why?

Joss shook her head, trying to dislodge the cruel thoughts that wanted to put all the blame on herself, to find some way she was lacking. But, when they were together it didn't ever feel like that, it felt like sparks igniting, something she found hard to control, and the way he held her, touched her, moved inside her, made her sure he felt something similar.

Then, there was how Billy had spoken to her this morning, it had felt controlling, like he already thought he had the right to tell her what to do, how to live, or even what to eat. Her mind flowed back to their conversation at the pool, what he'd said about Max, how he'd tried to make her do what he wanted.

If Joss got in any deeper with Billy now, in the future, if there was any future for them, if she pushed back too hard, if she disobeyed or lied to him, would he want to break her stuff... break her? She shrugged off the thought as being a completely disingenuous thing to allow herself to think, he'd acted that way under unfair pressure from his dad. But, Joss also couldn't deny that his time living this constant cycle of abuse had led Billy to have a big control complex on other aspects of his life. His own body, Max, for a while, how others saw him at school, and probably every girl he'd ever dated. That included her, even if she'd never class what they were currently doing as dating.

Even after debating this back and forth in her mind with cold hard logic, Joss couldn't shake the uneasy feeling this all caused to bubble within her. It hadn't helped that he'd left her bathroom in complete disarray, wet towels dropped on the floor, the toilet seat left up and the drain clogged with a nasty mat of shed hair. He hadn't bothered to clean up anything after himself, leaving soap half used on the bath instead of back in the soap dish, shampoo bottles squeezed and left mis-shapen, like some thoughtless monster of untidiness had stormed in only to leave chaos behind. Bubble and scum had clung to the bottom of the bath, not rinsed away with a quick blast from the shower. It felt like he was trying to piss her off, to show her she had to clean up after him, which did nothing to help her unease of him treating her like a housewife.

Joss resisted the very real urge to gag at the thought. She didn't want that life, not here, not now, maybe not ever, she'd fight kicking and screaming if anyone ever tried to force her into that mould. She didn't want to end up like her mom, pregnant just out of high school and tied to a man she didn't really love. It felt like a nightmare hovering just out of her line of vision, one that could so easily come rushing at her with full force if she didn't do something now, right now.

By the time she had closed up the arcade and begun turning out the lights, she was already fully expecting Billy to show up, even though he hadn't really said he would. As time ticked by, that uneasy restless feeling increased, she knew this meeting wasn't going to end well between them before it had even happened, because Joss had allowed all her annoyance to build to a cresting peak over the course of the day. Her music choices were songs of anger and annoyance, hyping her into a further state of tense anxiety and a stern certainty that this had to be stopped before it went past the point of no return.

The sight of his familiar sleek blue Camaro turning into the parking lot made her stomach flip and tighten. She watched through the large windows as he got out of the car, went to the trunk, opened it, and emerged a few seconds later with a full looking brown paper bag in his arms. Even though Joss was by the door, she didn't wait to open it for him, she turned and made her way back to the counter as if she had nothing better to do than flip through her box of tapes, not even glancing up as he struggled with the heavy door, juggling his keys and the bag a moment.

He glanced over at her, a small smile coming to touch his lips, in what Joss took spitefully to be superior glee, and she returned it with a scowl because that little unpleasant pull in her stomach told her exactly what was inside that bag.

"The hell is that look for?" he said, his smile quickly reflecting her own expression of distemper.

Joss crossed her arms and flicked up both brows at him in accusation. "What's in the bag?"

"Food. I brought you some food. Did I break the damn law? Jesus, Joss."

"Don't 'Jesus, Joss' me, I told you, my house, my rules and you go over my head and buy me the food you want me to eat? I told you I can look after myself!"

He let out a gritted laugh, clearly not finding this funny at all. "What is this really about? Because from where I'm standing I just went to the grocery store, bought you food out of my own damn pay check and you react like I just killed your fucking cat!"

"I don't have a cat!" Joss shot back, as if that had any relevance.

"Yeah, well, if you did it would be dead because you can't even feed yourself, never mind a stupid cat!"

"I don't have a cat!" Joss said again, using that one fact as a shield to push him back.

"It's only food. You should just say 'thank you, Billy' and be grateful I even bothered."

Joss batted her eyelashes in a mocking manner. "Thank you, Billy. I really like being spoon fed everything, please show me your wise ways and teach me how to live every second of my life, because I'm too much of a stupid little girl to know what's good for me, unlike you who is a fucking god, right?!" She snapped the last word out with a poisonous intention.

"Hey! Watch the attitude!" Billy said, holding up an accusing jabbing finger at her. "I gotta warn you again about respect and we are going to have a problem."

"We already are a damn problem!" Joss said in exasperation.

"There is something wrong with you, Joss. I can't even do one nice thing without you turning it into a dumb argument." He took a deep breath in, gaining himself back a little from a rapid descent into anger. "Look, what is the issue here, you are acting like a real bitch, is it that time of the month or what?"

Joss felt every hair on her body stand on end in rage, her lips tightened and she scowled at him in pure contempt. It had been an insult coated in a thin veil of 'just asking', and Joss hated the crude attempt of manipulation and the very real insult wrapped up within it. "You did not just say that to me!" Joss hissed, her nostrils flaring.

"What else do you want me to think? You've gone completely off the deep end."

"Nice," Joss said, rolling her tongue against the inside of her cheek in great distaste. "You best get away from me before the menstruation crazies rub off, I hear it's catching."

"Fuck! Joss, stop okay! What the hell are we doing right now?"

"You're trying to control my life and I don't like it! I fucking hate it!" Joss gritted her teeth, determined to not back down, to finally end whatever the hell this was once and for all. She could just go back to normal, how things had been, waiting for her chance to get out of this place without any extra pressure. It was the sensible and mature thing to do. Even if it wasn't happening in any kind of adult way, Joss foolishly reasoned that the destination was still the same.

"How does me buying you food mean I'm trying to control you? Do you know how bat-shit that sounds?!"

"Crazy!" Joss said, waggling her fingers at him menacingly.

"Joss!" Billy pointed a warning finger at her. "If you don't stop this shit now, I'm leaving you here to walk home, you hear me?"

"My legs can take the punishment," Joss said, turning away with a careless dismissive shrug, and beginning to sort through her tapes again as if she didn't care what he did with his time.

"You know what, fine. Fine!" He roared out the word and dropped the bag on the floor, giving it a quick kick in frustrated anger. "Walk home, starve, why the hell should I care!"

He didn't give her time to reply, but gave a last parting gift of turning his heel on something in the bag that popped and quickly began to soak into the carpet. He stalked out of the doors with all the grace of a rampaging bull.

Joss didn't move for a long moment, trying to quell down the panic she felt at the mess she now knew would take her much longer to clean up, in her own head, and more pressingly, whatever was now pouring out onto to the floor. She waited, casually moving through her tapes as if she had all the time in the world and not a single care, until she saw a flash of headlights. She heard the angry rev of an engine as Billy sped out of the parking lot, and with a squeal of tires, turned with a reckless swing of his back bumper onto the road, speeding off in seconds. The glare of his back lights mocking her like two glowing red demonic eyes.

It was only then that she pushed herself away from her nonchalant acting and walked over to the crumpled bag, bending down to try and salvage the mess. The thing that had popped under Billy's boot had been a bottle of maple syrup, and she quickly grabbed paper towels, trying to stem the damage to the carpet, placing the sticky bottle in the trash and trying her best to wipe up the gloopy mess.

She finally allowed her eyes to travel over the contents inside the bag and saw exactly what she had expected, brown rice, vegetables and various other healthy foods which were all now pretty much ruined by either violence or sticky liquid. It was only after she'd got to the bottom of the bag that she pulled out the pack of ready made waffles, and her eyes travelled over to the trash can, where the unhealthy bottle of syrup now poured its lifeblood into the bottom of a plastic bag.

"Shit," Joss said, and sat back on her heels with a defeated sigh, suddenly feeling like a complete jerk.

Chapter Text

Joss found herself unexpectedly walking over to Starcourt Mall on Sunday afternoon before her work shift. She'd been debating all day with herself if she should even follow through with her idea or if it was just a fool's errand. Finally it seemed her legs had made the choice, as here she was trudging through the massive main doors. They parted with a swish of the automated mechanism and the chill breeze of air conditioning dimpled her sweaty skin as it gusted over her.

She wandered the shiny pathways for a while, stopping outside each shop for a few seconds before seeming to decide this wasn't what she was looking for. The truth was, Joss didn't really know what she was actually searching for, something that would magically fix things between her and Billy, maybe? Something that would make her feel less like a terrible person, even if she logically knew part of her anger at Billy had been justified. She had plainly told him she didn't need his interference in her life and what he deemed her 'bad habits', and he'd ignored her completely and bought her all the things he thought she should be eating. But Joss hadn't factored the tiny peace offering hidden amongst all the wholegrain and nutritious vegetables.

The waffles and maple syrup.

He'd made some attempt to at least acknowledge her own preferences, and if he was truly trying to control her, wouldn't he just have left those two items on the shelf? Joss wasn't sure, and her mistrustful mind couldn't fully shake the feeling of being eased into his way of seeing things. Still, he had made an effort and then she had acted cold and disinterested in even acknowledging it was there at all. She couldn't really work out who was right or wrong, but hurting him had felt bad on some level.

If he had just been trying to do a nice thing for her, then she'd acted like an unthinking idiot and had probably really hurt him, but then it didn't really feel like her thoughts of him trying to control her held no merit either. The truth felt like it lay somewhere uncomfortably between both explanations, and Joss really didn't like that, because that meant it would be so easy to end up making choices to gratify someone else and spare their feelings, while her own got buried. She'd been there before and never wanted to go back. Even though she was pretending to be someone she wasn't at school, it was a stop gap, once she left here she could finally figure out who the hell she was, but Joss knew that person wasn't going to be someone that stretched themselves thin for others.

That confident line of thinking was all well and good, but it didn't help her out now, when all she wanted to do was mend the rift that fight had caused between her and Billy. He was her closest friend, or at least the only person she could talk to without putting on camouflage constantly, her only bridge to not being on a cut-off island of loneliness here, in this shitty town. The thought of spending the rest of her time in Hawkins alone, constantly in her own head, suddenly felt unbearable. So, she just had to fix things, at least for a while, at least until she got out of this place. How she was actually going to do that without lowering herself to grovelling, Joss had no idea.

She found herself in a store that sold various hair products and sought out the exact two that Billy had, weighing up the eye watering prices with the money in her pocket before finally giving up and buying them, knowing she really couldn't go back to her big poufy, frizzy mess of a hairstyle now she'd been shown better. She placed the bottles in her bag and set off on her quest once again.

After another twenty minutes of aimless wandering, Joss finally gave up, now understanding she wouldn't find what she was looking for here. Not in this Barbie dream house of neon plastic and glass. She hiked her bag up on to her shoulder and began to make her way out of the mall.

It was on the lower level she noticed it, a rising scent of something salty and fresh, an aroma that reminded her so starkly of the ocean and California beaches, that it also made her think of Billy. She followed her nose, until she came to a tiny little mall cart which had a variety of homemade coloured candles in glass jars. The owner, who sat half dozing on her chair, looked a lot like the photos Joss had seen of her mom in the 1960s, a few years after Joss had been born. A flower child hippy type, but this lady looked at least a decade older than Joss' mom.

Joss looked across the carts contents and saw that only one candle was burning, which limited exactly where the smell was coming from. She moved closer, sniffing at what the essential oils concealed within the wax. Coconut, salty sea air, and the earthy sharp tang of a golden beach, along with the deep woody aroma of driftwood. This was it, the thing she'd been looking for, or at least it felt like the closest thing she was going to come across that hit some mental ping in her brain.

"Hey?" Joss said, drawing the attention of the hippy lady. "How much is this candle?"

/

When Joss had her new purchase all bagged up, she started to make her way out of the mall, knowing she still had a few hours to get to her shift at the arcade.

"Joss, hey!"

The sound of her name being called made all of Joss' muscles feel like Jello. She wasn't used to being called out to in the realms beyond school, and the sudden social discomfort made her want to speed up, walk quickly towards those big glass swishing doors and disappear. But, she knew that voice too well to be so unkind. She spun on her heel, forcing a big welcoming smile on her face.

"Lori, hi!" Joss said, with so much forced enthusiasm that her face ached.

"I'm surprised to see you here!" Lori said, not holding back her words. "You shopping?" By the look on Lori's face it was clear she didn't quite believe what her eyes were seeing.

"Yeah." Joss lifted up her paper gift bag as if proving she was telling the truth. "Just had some time before I have to get to work."

That was apparently all the reassurance Lori needed, as her expression changed, raking over Joss with a discerning and curious look. "Have you done something different?" Lori asked, still eying her uncertainly, unable to pinpoint exactly what had changed.

"Oh," Joss said, touching her hair with a shyness that seemed suddenly very out of character to her own ego. "Yeah, I started styling my hair different. It's less frizzy, I guess."

"Oh yeah! I see it now. You could have got that done at the hair salon. It looks so good, seriously. I love it!"

Joss fought back the unhelpful compulsion to blush at such an open compliment and thought she managed to pull it off, as Lori didn't suddenly point out she'd gone red. "Thanks, it feels more manageable."

"Magazine articles, am I right? Lifesavers," Lori said with a knowing smile, and Joss nodded in ignorant agreement. She suddenly felt that urge to blush rush back as she wondered what exactly Lori would say if she knew the truth about her spontaneous styling skills, taught at the hands of one of Hawkins High's most notorious students. That he had been lying naked in her bed only the day before.

"You okay?" Lori suddenly questioned, and Joss knew that blush had risen in her cheeks despite her best efforts.

"Yeah, it's just so hot today again. Even in here I feel like I'm an ice cream cone melting," Joss said, trying to play everything cool, and subtly moved her bare arms behind her back, in case Lori noticed the goose bumps the arctic air con was constantly causing to appear across her skin.

"It's kinda cold in here, but the heat is oppressive," Lori confirmed, swallowing the excuse without a thought. "How soon do you need to leave?" Lori thumbed back over her shoulder to where an older woman stood waiting at a respectful distance. "My mom and I were just about to go get something to eat, can you join? Be cool to hang out actually outside school, you know?" Lori pushed, not waiting for Joss to rebuff her. In fact, it felt like Lori knew that was exactly what would happen if she didn't twist her friend's arm just a little.

Joss checked the large clock on the wall. "Sure." She wanted to say the exact opposite but Lori's eager look made her feel like a terrible person for even thinking of hurting her feelings.

They ended up eating at Ground Round, which Joss had never been to before. After some small talk, they ordered, and against Joss' better judgment, she allowed her guilt over what had happened with Billy to sway her and win out, and chose the dubious sounding 'Diet Plate'. A choice she instantly regretted when the dish of hamburger and cottage cheese in a soggy bun, with a measly portion of fruit salad, was put before her.

She looked on in envy as Lori's and her mom's orders came, the full works of chunky chili with extra cheese and loaded fries, and a steak teriyaki with all the extra sides piled high.

"Erm," Lori hesitated, staring at Joss' food as if she had surely been given the wrong order. "Is that how it should look? I mean..." she continued, tucking into her own food while giving Joss' a subtle side eye. "I've never seen anyone order that before, is it any good?"

"Are you watching your figure, dear?" Lori's mom good-naturedly butted in. "I mean you don't need to, I hate to see young girls denying themselves a good steak. Girls these days are so worried about so many things. I blame the tabloids and all those movies showing perfect looking actresses. It's unattainable without money, they all have work done, you know? Lifts and tucks, fat sucked out. Enjoy being young is what I say, you won't know what hit you once you hit your forties. Worry about weight after you've had your first child, that's when it sticks like glue, and-"

"Mom!" Lori said, giving her mother a little flick of both brows, in a silent coded message that she was being embarrassing.

"Well, as long as you enjoy it, dear," Lori's mom added, returning to her own food. Lori rolled her eyes and gave Joss a shrug of helpless apology.

"Oh no, it's fine," Joss protested, wanting to loosen the sudden tension, forking a large helping of burger and cottage cheese into her mouth. "It's my favourite," she mumbled, choking down the strange mix of textures with a forced smile on her face.

Mother and daughter gave each other a dubious look but relaxed as Joss continued to eat with gusto. Joss at first supposed it wasn't that bad, the flavours had some kind of balance, maybe, or they did until the fifth mouthful. By the end of the meal she'd started to change her mind completely, she felt slightly sick. Although she wasn't sure if it was from the strange taste and consistency, or the fact she'd been shovelling it into her mouth as if her life depended on clearing her plate.

"So, what were you shopping for?" Lori said, after the meal was finished and their plates had been moved to the side, ready to be cleared away, her eye line flicking to the little bag sitting by Joss' side.

"Just a gift," Joss shrugged.

"Do you want ice cream, dear?" Lori's mom put in and Joss shook her head.

"No, I'm fit to burst, but thank you." Joss found it strangely comforting to have an adult fussing over her, it was something she'd never really thought she missed.

"Okay girls, I'm going to go pay. We'll be here all day if we wait for that waitress to come back. She's too busy flirting with that young man in the sailor suit." Lori's mom got up and went over to the front desk.

"So, who for?" Lori said, switching seats to sit beside Joss.

"What?" Joss blinked dumbly.

"The gift!" Lori pushed. "Is it for this mysterious Jerry?" She waggled her eyebrows in a comically suggestive way.

Joss let out a cover of a laugh and tried not to squirm in her chair. "Yeah, we had a fight." She tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal.

"Knew I was right!" Lori said. "You guys are kinda serious then?"

Joss shook her head. "No, not really." She hesitated because that felt like a lie and she was really tired of pretending this wasn't happening. "I mean, we are... together," Joss struggled, "but we aren't dating."

"Together?" Lori said, and then her face took on a slow expression of full realisation. "Ooh, you mean like, together together?" When Joss didn't seem to grasp the veiled words, Lori whispered out the next through one side of her lips as if they were spies discussing secret information. "Like, you guys are sleeping together?"

Joss nodded.

"Well, that sounds pretty serious, Joss."

"It is and it isn't," Joss said helplessly. "It's really hard to explain."

"Well, you can try, I'll listen," Lori said, with an encouraging smile.

Joss glanced around, seeing that Lori's mom was almost done paying. "I think your mom will be back in a minute."

Lori took a moment to consider this. "Do you want some company at work? My Sunday evening is pretty free."

Joss' knee jerk reaction was to say no, to have an overwhelming rush of thoughts of everything that could go wrong, from Lori finding out she was a terrible 'so called' friend, to Billy coming by and blowing all their cover, to just not wanting to let anyone in to her private life. But, the fact Lori had asked snapped something inside Joss and she felt that break begin to well up hot within her face, stinging her eyes.

"I'd really like that," Joss said, and Lori reached out to pat her hand in comfort.

/

"Man, this place is dead!" Lori said, glancing around the mostly empty arcade.

"Yeah, Gus reckons we won't last much longer. He said he'd stay open till the end of the month and then see how the books were, but it's written on the wall, this place is done," Joss said, passing Lori a blue raspberry slushie.

"What will you do then?" Lori asked, and sucked on her straw before letting out a satisfied smack of her lips in enjoyment.

Joss guessed even slushies had their fans. She shrugged. "By then school will be over and I will be out of here so fast."

Lori choked a little on her next sip. "You're leaving Hawkins?"

"Yeah," Joss said, pressing a palm to the back of her neck in bashful anxiety. She supposed she'd never told Lori any of this, about her plans after school. It suddenly felt like another layer she'd been keeping from this girl, this friend, who had passed pleasant small talk with her for the past three years.

"Where will you go?"

"California maybe, my dad is there, so I'll at least have a couch to sleep on until I can find a job. Get a place."

"You never mention him. Do you guys not get along?"

Joss shook her head. "Different personalities," she said as vague explanation.

Lori nodded, as if understanding this was as much information as was polite to pry about. "Soo, this Jerry guy? What happened? You said you guys fought? What about?"

"It was a stupid fight," Joss said. "He just has this way of getting under my skin. I feel like I know what I want, until he makes me feel like I don't, but when we... I mean, then the... " Joss felt her cheeks heat up.

"The sex is amazing?" Lori said, letting Joss off the hook.

"How did you know?" Joss blurted.

"Classic bad boy relationship formula," Lori said, with a playful haughty sniff. "I don't watch all those romantic movies and read tons of magazines for nothing. Besides, it was obvious from those love bites that you were both really into it."

Joss' hand reflexively went up to her throat.

"I guess the only question you have to ask yourself, is do you like him when you guys aren't, you know-" Lori made an awkward motion of smushing her hands together.

"I mean, yeah, sometimes. He can be cool. We like a lot of the same stuff. Music, movies. He makes me laugh, and he can be kinda sweet. But he can get angry so fast, and he likes to play these nasty little mind games and-"

Lori stopped her descending into a wave of negativity with a raised hand. "Are you, you know, in love with him?"

Joss let out a burst of laughter. "No!" she said, as if defending herself from a serious insult. "No way."

"You are protesting a lot, Joss. I mean, do you think you could at least maybe feel that way with some time-"

"No," Joss said, with a firm shake of her head. "I don't do, that whole romance stuff."

"Well, I mean it sounds like you've been doing a lot of that romance stuff," Lori said, through the side of her mouth slyly before taking a sip of her drink.

"Sex and romance isn't the same thing, it's just sex." Joss maintained her stance, not wanting to back down on this, starting to feel her hackles rise.

"And that's why you bought him a thoughtful gift to say sorry for fighting? Yeah, yeah, sounds like it's just sex," Lori said, taking another sip.

Joss felt that heat flood back into her cheeks, wanting Lori to be wrong, and feeling intensely annoyed at being questioned. "It is!"

"Look, don't get huffy. I'm just saying, when sex is involved it's real hard not to get feelings involved too."

Joss hated how logical this was all sounding. "I'm not in love with him."

"I'm not saying you are. I'm only saying it's never that easy to separate stuff so cleanly. It can get messy."

Joss already knew that far too well, things were already messy.

"Does he feel more for you, do you think?"

Joss let out a laugh, and it sounded scathing and contemptuous. "No." Joss was shaking her head as if that action reinforced the truth. "I mean, I don't know for sure, it's not like I've asked him, but he just isn't the kind of guy to-"

"Fall in love?" Lori said, with a judgmental raise of her brow. "I think that's just being human, Joss. It can happen to anyone."

"Not to him," Joss pushed back.

"Why?"

"He just isn't the type!" Joss said, in a bark she hadn't meant to sound so angry. "He doesn't have a soft side, everything is hard to him, he wants the thrill, not the feelings. It's just who he is." It sounded like excuse after excuse, and Joss saw from the look on Lori's face she knew that fact all only too well.

"And what do you want?" Lori said, not taking Joss' anger personally.

"I want to get out of this town," Joss said. "I want to leave school, and this whole fucking place, including him, far behind. I don't want to fall in love with anyone."

Lori nodded as if this was enough information to make a decision on. "Then I guess you have your answer. Even if there was something there, it doesn't sound like you are ready for it, Joss."

Joss gave her an annoyed look because that felt like a jibe.

"I'm not judging you," Lori rushed out. "It's okay to not feel ready for stuff right now. We are only eighteen, I don't think it's healthy for anyone to stick with the first thing that comes along."

"Well, he isn't the first," Joss defended, with a sulky air, not wanting Lori to misunderstand and see her as some naïve idiot who had fallen into a confusing mess after her first attention from a guy.

"Okay, but maybe the first to feel this intense, right?" Lori pushed gently.

"Yeah, maybe. He thinks we should just openly date, he keeps pushing for it."

"Well, I mean that sounds like he wants to be serious, don't you want to give it a try? It's kinda sweet, right?"

It was the first time Joss had really allowed herself to look at why she was so adamant about the whole no open dating rule, besides the glaring fact that she didn't want to be the school's source of gossip, but that wasn't the only reason. After all, wasn't it what most girls would kill for? A guy so sure about his own wants? The thought turned instantly sour in Joss' mind, that knot in her stomach pulling again.

"From the look that's on your face, you have thoughts," Lori said, taking another gulp of her slushie.

"I told him no, because I just want to get through school. He wants to have a public facing girlfriend, someone he can show off, I guess-"

"This guy is in college?" Lori interrupted with a sceptical raise of one eyebrow. "I guess they never do change."

Joss didn't reply, not wanting to confirm or deny anything. "But, when I say that he just pushes again," she continued. "He never says, well, when school is done let's see how we feel, or sure Joss, let's put a pin in it, he just pushes again, let's date now."

"Okay," Lori said, shifting her feet, suddenly seeming to have very different feelings on this. "That does sound weird." She considered this for a moment. "So, I'm gonna guess you have some kind of gut feeling? Otherwise you would be like, dating him right now."

"Yeah. I feel like..." Joss felt lost for words and grasped about in her mind, clutching at the feeling she wanted to make Lori aware of. "I feel like, if I gave in and we started to date, he'd have won whatever game this is and, he'd just get bored and find something else, like he'd get bored with me." There it was, the reason underneath it all, and it felt both hurtful and a relief to finally voice it out loud. Billy could be flippant, he'd never said he wanted whatever they had to be serious, just official. It felt like the status, and her giving in, was what he really wanted, not something real.

"Well, that sounds like an asshole right there."

Joss didn't want to defend him, but found she was anyway. "I don't think he even knows he's doing it. I think he sets up these little goals and wins in his head and once he gets them, the chase is over."

"Still sounds like an asshole."

"He is," Joss said, and despite herself smiled weakly. "But, I don't think he can help it. It sounds crazy, I know, but I just get this feeling that he's so focused on getting something, that when he does..."

"The thrill is gone?" Lori finished.

Joss nodded. "I'm..." She closed her eyes, feeling like she really was exposing all her weaknesses in this moment. "I'm kinda scared of that happening. I don't know if I could get back up from being thrown away like that. People have done it all my life and..." Joss bit her lips, wondering if she'd dumped too much baggage on Lori, suddenly afraid the other girl would turn to her, shrug, and say that was her problem, that she was a killjoy to what had been a great day of hanging out like friends should.

Lori didn't do anything for a long few seconds, and then her eyes connected with Joss', her gaze full of nothing but understanding and comfort. "It kinda seems to me you are both not ready for whatever is between you to become serious. Don't get mad, okay? I'm saying this out of a place of love for you, but you both have to grow up. All these games, and playing with each other's heads, it's because you both gotta grow as your own, you know, people and stuff."

Joss did what was requested and quelled down her baser instincts to suddenly be offended by being called immature, but after a few seconds of letting it sink in, she realized Lori was right.

"That doesn't mean you don't have a connection with him, or what you feel isn't real. Maybe once you get out of here, you'll both feel different. Maybe you can call him up and start again when you've had some time to find your feet, you know? Who knows. Right guy, wrong time," Lori said with a smile, and Joss' anxiety pooled out of her like the plug in a bath had just been pulled.

Joss wasn't being judged or scolded, or told she was wrong; Lori was trying to be supportive, and she floundered for a moment, unsure how to react, not only because Joss was completely unused to her feelings being given any credence, but because maybe Lori was right about it all? Maybe whatever she and Billy had was something more than just physical, and once she'd left here, had some time to find herself, she could call him and tell him to come out to California and things could be different for them. It felt like a revelation and a reprieve. Nothing felt so ride or die anymore.

A car beeped outside in the parking lot, startling both girls out of the deep conversation.

"Oh, that's my mom," Lori said, taking one last drink of the dregs of her slushie and then pushed herself away from leaning on the counter.

Joss' eyes went to the clock in shock, had it really been two hours already? "Okay," Joss said, unsure what else to say, suddenly intensely embarrassed with just how much she had spilled her guts.

"Call me if you need to chat." Lori pushed a piece of paper with her number on it towards Joss.

"Thanks, for hanging out," Joss said.

"Anytime," Lori said, and paused as if thinking carefully over her next words. "I hope it works out between you and Jerry, but don't feel so down about it. It feels like everything right now, I know, but you've got a whole life waiting for you. Don't let the details drag you down, just enjoy it for whatever it is, in the moment. If the sex is great just go with it, just let it be whatever it is. You only live once, right? Just try not to let it get too serious, and if it does, maybe cut it off for a while. Besides, lots of fishes in the sea, right? Maybe you'll catch another?" Lori smiled and gave a mischievous wink, making Joss relax all over again.

"How do you know all this? I feel like I've just opened up to the best agony aunt on the planet," Joss said, smiling sheepishly.

"My dad, he gets me magazines when he goes over on business to England," Lori laughed. "They have some crazy questions in the advice sections, like, stuff that'd never get published here, and the agony aunts always know what to do or say, or how to kinda turn your point of view. It's cool. I'll let you borrow them sometime. You can learn all my secrets." Lori gave Joss a devilish smirk. "Okay I gotta go. See you tomorrow?"

"See you," Joss said, laughing too, and watched as Lori went out into the parking lot and got into her mom's car, giving a frantic wave back towards Joss at the doorway before they drove away.

Today had felt like a rollercoaster ride that Joss couldn't get off in so many ways, and now she was exhausted, but she still had something she had to do. Something that if she didn't, she knew she'd spend another night tossing and turning thinking of outlandish and escalating ways to avoid the conflict at all. Lori was right, she just had to learn to treat this for what it was, fun, not serious. She just had to grab a little tighter onto the reins and pull everything back into line.

Joss looked back up at the clock, her mind doing a quick set of maths and calculations.

She glanced down at Lori's pencilled number on the scrap of paper and bit her lip, her eyes going to the phone. Today had made her feel brave, reassured and confident, she could do this and steer them back into the fun again. She reached for the phone, pushing the receiver to her ear and looked down, opening up her book of artwork and glanced at the page where she had scribbled a string of numbers she had found after a late night perusal of the phone book. Slowly she dialled the number into the rotating dial, waiting patiently as every number clunked back into place. The shrill sound of ringing began and she held her breath, suddenly unsure if she'd slam down the phone if the one person she wanted to talk to right now didn't answer.

The ringing went on for several more seconds and then stopped with an abrupt dull clang and someone breathed a sigh of low frustrated annoyance into the phone on the other end. "Yeah?" It was a harsh growled demand that whoever was calling state their name and business quickly before thin tempers were lost completely.

Joss felt a flood of relief and closed her eyes, thanking whatever fates had given her a little bit of good luck today. "Hi, it's me," she said, and she heard him take a deep breath, relaxing, and a soft laugh hissed from the speaker, the sound coated in gratification.

"Tanner?" Billy questioned, not really needing the answer but wanting her to say it anyway.

"Yeah, I figured you'd be back from work now, so thought I'd try my luck."

He didn't reply for a few beats, but Joss could swear she heard him smirk.

"What's up?" he finally asked.

"Can you come by the arcade later?" She twirled the phone cord nervously between her fingers.

"Is this a personal invite?" Billy teased.

"Look, I need to tell you something. Do you have the time?"

"Always got time for a Saint."

Joss could hear the taunting in his voice but took it on the chin.

"Come by near closing?" she pushed.

"Sure, I'll be there," Billy said, and hung up before Joss could think of a witty comeback. She let out a breath of relief and smiled.

Chapter Text

Joss saw Billy's car turn into the parking lot just as she was finishing up turning out most of the lights. He hadn't rushed over, he'd taken his sweet time to get there, and Joss thought that this was deliberate on his part. She could quite easily believe that a quote he lived by was "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".

She waited by the counter for him, trying not to let any emotions show on her face. She wanted this all to be done with controlled thought out words, not by him instantly gaining the upper hand and reading all her own insecurities and capriciousness with one look at her glass expression.

He didn't make eye contact as he came in through the door, which made him harder to read, and for a moment Joss thought he was still majorly pissed with her. She felt the fine hair on her body prickle slightly, completely unsure of what she'd do if that was the case. Then he looked over at her as he drew closer, the mask of arrogant confidence slipping into place as easily as the smile that quirked up one side of his mouth in open teasing.

Joss held in the sigh of relief she wanted so badly to release, holding on to her plan, her own face as placid as she could manage without it looking too forced, knowing he'd easily uncover her nervousness if he sniffed out she was trying too hard.

"So, what did you pull me all the way here for instead of letting me relax after work, Tanner? I had to rush washing my car. This best be something good." He lifted up an eyebrow, explicitly communicating his own smutty thoughts at just what that 'something good' should be.

Joss gave him a perfunctory glance. "Don't push it," she warned, and he let out a little mocking laugh.

"Okay, what do you want?" He furrowed his brow in playful ridicule. "I'm curious what actually made you grow some cojones and call my house." He lit up a cigarette and gave her a look that on any other person's face would have been mischievous, but on Billy right now, Joss could only see it as gleeful superiority.

Joss' own brow raised in surprise, realisation falling over her, because if he was familiar with what that word meant, he probably also knew what the little fun nickname she'd given him at her house meant too. In only a few sentences of conversation he already had her on the back foot.

"You think I'm stupid? Course I know you were calling me a ball sack. I may be pretty, Tanner, but I'm not dumb." He grinned with all his teeth, once again enjoying his little victories with relish.

Joss bit her lip, now she'd been caught out, her joke felt a little cruel, especially after all the guilt she'd piled on herself today. All her planned out speech began to swirl away from reach like a stone had just been lobbed into a pool, the ripples disorientating the surface.

"So, what? I haven't got all night," he pushed, not giving her a true moment to think and gather herself back together.

Joss swallowed, and when she spoke, the words sounded weak and sheepish. "About yesterday-"

"You mean when you freaked the fuck out?" He interrupted her again with his uncouth directness. Clearly not intending to let her off the hook so easily, not until she'd squirmed just a little.

Joss gritted her teeth, not wanting to take the easy path of starting another argument or exchanging thinly barbed insults. She knew he was trying to rile her, it was her punishment, and she had to take the lumps and swallow them down if she wanted them to move past this. "I wanted to tell you..." She hesitated, avoiding his eyes as if they'd burn her to ash if she made direct contact with them. "I acted shitty."

"Yeah, you did," Billy said, not giving her any grace at all.

Joss could feel her insides churning. "It's just, I have this thing, where I can't stand anyone telling me what to do. It makes me act out, get, you know, hot headed, or something."

"Hot headed? That sounds like a parental insult," Billy laughed.

"Yeah, my dad used that term a lot."

Billy nodded. "I get it," he said, easing up on the torture and giving her some of his benevolent mercy. "I hate that shit too, but I wasn't telling you what to do."

Joss bit the words back that wanted to instantly disagree. He had known exactly what he was doing, and that was thinking he knew better than she did, even when she'd explicitly said she didn't need his help. But, Joss was also starting to understand that it didn't mean he didn't care, or that the gesture of buying her food to fill an empty pantry hadn't come from a good place too, it just meant he had two settings, stop and go.

"Well, maybe we can agree, to talk it over before we decide to do that kinda stuff for each other?"

"So, what? I have to tell you every time I want do something for your benefit?" He considered this for a moment in the guise of actually giving it any significant thought. "Might get kinda tricky when we are getting down and dirty, huh?" he goaded, trying to turn this all fully back on to her.

"Obviously I don't mean... everything. But, just, check in with me? If I say I'm fine and you don't think I am, just tell me before you do anything that might make me-"

"Freak the fuck out?" Billy teased with a grin, and Joss rolled her eyes, knowing he wasn't strictly taking any of this seriously.

"Yeah, pretty much," Joss admitted.

Billy studied her for a long few seconds, top to toe, ridicule lurking at the corner of his smirk. "Sure," he said, with a casual half hearted lifting of one shoulder.

"Thanks for... you know, not being mad at me," Joss said, her eyes connecting with his in a genuine apology that made him suddenly look uncomfortable, he sniffed to cover it and glanced around the place in indifference.

He took a last drag on his cigarette and stubbed it out in the heavy glass ashtray nearby, a smile still pulling at the corner of his mouth. "I was mad, but I got over it. You're just a bit of a weirdo, Tanner. I've not worked you out yet, but I will."

Why did that sound like a far more nefarious thing than it should have to Joss in that moment? She took in a deep breath and went on with her plan as best she could after all that thought disruption.

"Well, I got you a peace offering," she said with a tight smile, not knowing if this was going to set off another bomb or bring them peace for the evening.

"You got a... what?" Billy said, his expression rippling with surprise.

"I felt bad, you know, the groceries being ruined and stuff. So, I wanted to do something nice for you."

"Nice?" Billy's teeth grazed across the word as if he didn't really like it.

Joss reached behind her and plopped the bag on their side of the counter. "It's just, you know, something."

Billy's eyes went from her to the bag a few times, as if expecting a jump scare or a punchline, and finally when Joss didn't say anything else, he carefully looked inside, one finger tentatively pulling the bag open in tense waiting for the other shoe to drop. As he got a good look at the contents his expression flitted from cynical curiosity to unsure bafflement. "It's a … candle?" he said, as if he was mistrustful of that actually being the truth.

"Yeah, I know," Joss said defensively. "But, it smells like the ocean."

"Uh-huh?" he said, still not getting her point, his eyes going from the bag to her again as if he was trying to work out a particularly hard maths equation.

"So, I thought, when you miss home or the beach, you can light this and kinda, imagine you are back there."

Billy was staring at the candle as if it may in fact be the fictional dead cat they had argued about the night before, his lip curled in a snarl that could have been mild aversion or confusion.

"It's kinda stupid," Joss finally said, her heart fluttering with panic. This had been a lame idea. "I'm not good at this whole making up thing. I mean, it's a dumb candle, I guess I thought, I don't know, it's stupid." She reached out to grab the bag and remove the whole thing from sight, so she could try and limit her embarrassment.

Billy's hand was around her forearm before she'd even got hold of the handle, taking her agitated momentum completely off kilter. He tugged her forward into his arms, his palms grazing across her upper arms, keeping her in place and stopping any of her anxiety fueled nervous energy taking control.

"Yeah, it's kinda stupid," he said, and Joss felt nettled by the comment, ready to call him an asshole all over again. She looked up at him, biting words upon the tip of her tongue and all the stubborn anger ebbed away as his smiling eyes met hers. "You know, you don't have to buy me off to say sorry, Tanner?" He was enjoying all this far too much, but his grin made her feel suddenly elated.

"I wasn't buying you off," Joss said, but her voice held no conviction, only weak rebuttal under the glare of that captivating bright genuine smile. "I just wanted you to know, I didn't mean that stuff I said."

Billy's grin widened, eyes crinkling at the edges, enjoying her deflection. "Noted," he said, bringing her fully into his embrace and kissing her. When he pulled back that grin was still in place, looking every part like the cat that had got all the damn cream. "What would you have done if candles were my 'freak the fuck out' thing, huh?"

"Now you're just being a dick," Joss said, with a playful push against his chest, and he conceded that was exactly what he was doing with another brief kiss against her lips, his mouth quirked in a smile.

"I guess this could be classed as buying you off too, then?" He raised a teasing eyebrow and casually pulled out something from his back pocket, holding it before her eyes in a taunting swing.

Joss' gaze focused and caught the black print written upon the strip of stiff paper, letters that spelled out a band's name. "What?! You got tickets?" she spluttered.

"I was going to let you know last night." He hesitated, as if debating whether to add something cutting about it being her fault that hadn't worked out, but he smiled instead, deciding to swallow his own lumps too, Joss assumed. "You said they were one of the bands touring right now you kinda wanted to see, so I called in a favour with Hal and he said he'd let us go. A one off."

"When?" Joss asked excitedly.

"Not this weekend coming up, but next, on Saturday, the night after prom. Mark can cover for you later again, right? So I'll come pick you up around eight. Band's not on till nine."

To Joss' ears this suddenly felt like he was officially asking her out on their first date, and she glanced up at him, swiftly plucking one ticket out of his hand. "I guess it could be fun," she mused before reaching up to kiss him.

/

Joss sat on top of a picnic table in the stillness of the humid summer night. Billy had driven them up to the first place they'd ever gone to together outside the arcade, and looking back at that initial night of tentative kisses and unsure touches made her smile. It seemed like memories of different people.

"What are you smiling about?" Billy said, coming to lean against the table with her.

"Just thinking back to the last time we were here," Joss said with a sideways glance and a knowing smirk.

"Feels like a lifetime ago," Billy said, and Joss nudged him with her shoulder in agreement. "You wouldn't let me touch you, remember?"

"I didn't know you," Joss said, batting away his eager hand that was now snaking across her thigh.

"Oh, and you do now?" He moved, bent and kissed her, in a moment that felt like it slowed everything for a brief few seconds. He pulled back with a few parting soft presses before allowing her to speak again.

"I know you better than I did."

"Must like me enough to let me keep doing it, then," Billy said, his hands now massaging her lower back in rhythmic circles, his palms warm and solid and all too plainly stating what he wanted to do next.

"I like some things about you," Joss teased, and in punishment he kissed her again, nipping at her bottom lip.

"What do you like about me?" he asked, barely parting their lips, and to Joss he almost sounded breathless, the thrill of it attempting to send her heart into a frantic beat. She forced the excitement back, not ready to lose herself fully just yet.

"Your taste in music," Joss said, with a sly smile before kissing him back.

"I mean actual things," Billy said, pulling away.

"I like your taste in movies too." Joss gave a mischievous grin, and in reply he pinched her side, causing her to let out a little yelp of surprise before laughing.

Joss looked at him squarely, her eyes traveling over his face in mock serious appraisal. "If we are talking physical," Joss said, brushing a hand down his jawline in a gentle intimate caress that he instantly shied away from, his hand coming to cover hers and move it firmly against his chest. Joss was starting to understand he could withstand a lot of teasing, a lot of attention, admiring and sexual, but not this kind of outright affection, it made him instantly uncomfortable. "I like your eyes, they are this really deep blue that is... beautiful," Joss said, after hesitating a moment.

"Beautiful?" Billy scoffed, clearly not comfortable with that sentiment either. "I've been called a lot of things, but never that."

"Guys can be beautiful too. Have you seen all those Roman statues?" Joss said, trying to bring back the playfulness of only seconds ago.

"Oh you mean all the naked ones with tiny junks?" Billy sniffed, before grinning at his little joke.

Joss cocked her head, taking his mockery with good humour. "I think I like your smile best though. When you aren't using it to cover up being an asshole."

"So out of everything about me, you like my eyes and smile?" Billy said, sounding very unimpressed. "Next you'll be telling me you like long walks on the beach and a roaring fire with a fur rug."

"What did you want to hear? That I liked your muscled body and big dick? I can be cliché if you want? Tell you what I think you want to hear?"

"How do you know what I want to hear?" Billy needled.

"Because most guys want to hear that." She put on a terrified expression. "Oh my god, you're so big!" Joss stuck her tongue out in mischievous disdain.

"So, you don't care about that at all?" Billy said, looking incredulous.

"I care if it feels good or not, most girls do, over you know, like size," Joss said with a sniff, holding out her hands in demonstration, but then thought better of that gesture and ran her palms over her bare knees instead. "Not that I'm saying you're not, you are, you know..." Her voice lost momentum because how did anyone really talk about that stuff without falling into the trap of comparing, and more importantly, letting slip her past exploits? Something she wanted to keep private. It felt like a sudden minefield and it wasn't like Joss really had a vast array of guys to compare him to anyway. She squirmed a little more on that hook he'd fashioned for her tonight. "You're good," she finally mumbled and cleared her throat, making him laugh.

Billy was taking great delight in her discomfort, not throwing her a lifeline once throughout that whole awkward speech. "I know I'm good," he said, with complete immodesty, not needing Joss' reassurance at all. "So, you've never said that to a guy then, that's he's too big or whatever, and not meant it?"

Joss let out a peel of laughter. "No! Never said it at all."

"Then how do you know it's what a guy wants to hear?"

"Because, it's what some guys say when you're, you know, you're in the throes, or whatever."

"The throes?" Billy was laughing again now.

Joss put on a mock manly voice. "You're so tight baby, do you think I'll fit? Am I too big, baby?" She shook her head, "that kind of shit." She eyed him a moment. "Most girls get in the habit of saying it first, I guess, or that's what I kinda overhear as gossip in the girl's locker room, they think it's what the guy wants to hear."

Billy had lit up a cigarette and was currently blowing out a cloud of smoke.

"Hasn't any girl said that to you?" she pushed, with another nudge of teasing, wanting him to squirm a little too.

His gaze flicked to her before he shrugged, as if none of this bothered him in the least, too confident in his own sexual prowess. "Are you trying to kill my ego, Tanner?" he jeered, his tone glib.

Joss laughed and reached for him, pulling the cigarette from his fingers and holding it out of reach playfully, before bringing him in for another kiss. "No one could kill your ego. It's made of steel," she said with a grin before looking up into his eyes. "It's good, great, every time with you." She hesitated, biting at her lip in a coy gesture that Billy instantly took as an invite for another long kiss. "I can lose myself when we... it feels like a moment out of time," she said, when he finally let her up for air.

"A moment out of time? I like that," he said, his hands coming to rest and cradle her backside. "Besides," he murmured, "you couldn't lie about it even if you wanted to, I can read you like an open book." He nuzzled into her neck, leaving a slow soft trail of kisses along her shoulder, ready to move things to something more physical than conversational now.

"Lie about what?" Joss asked, puzzled.

"How much you like it," Billy breathed into her ear.

Joss felt a little shiver ascend her spine. "So arrogant in your own skills," she teased.

He didn't reply, but instead glanced a hand softly against the swell of her breast, causing her to suck air sharply into her lungs, which made him laugh at how easily he could prove his point.

"The main thing though," Joss whispered, wanting to give him something more than clichés, "is that you don't judge me." Billy stopped his intent intimate exploring to look at her with a small smug smirk pulling at his mouth. He reached out for his cigarette, easily plucking it from Joss' loose grip and took a long drag, narrowed cool eyes studying her with a sudden intensity that made Joss squirm in discomfort all over again.

"Oh, I judge you, Tanner," he said with a little flick of both brows. "All the time."

Joss stilled, feeling suddenly uncertain, until he started to chuckle, clearly obtaining the level of joke he wanted to play on her.

"Especially your choice in movies. Nightmare on Elm Street is sub par at best," he said, putting on a snooty sounding accent before taking another drag.

"You're deluded!" Joss said, now laughing too, relieved.

"Not as deluded as you thinking Armored Saint are gonna be bigger than Metallica!" He whistled out a cuckoo sound imitation of her crazy opinion. "You like cult bands too much, Tanner, you can't be objective."

"You wait and see, I'll be right about them," Joss said, pushing a firm finger against his chest.

"I guess only time will tell, and when I am right I'll have to think of something you have to repay me with, as penalty," he said, his hand coming to enclose hers and push it palm flat to his chest. He flicked away the remains of his cigarette, having better things to focus upon now.

"Letting you have years to come up with a punishment, sounds like a punishment in itself," Joss joked.

"I didn't say it would be a punishment," Billy said, his lips dipping to hers again and then continuing almost exactly where he had left off, mouth moving to hungrily explore her neck.

"What about me?" Joss said, pulling away from his attentions.

"Huh?" Billy said, already reaching to pull her back into his arms, his mind so easily slipping into one track thinking.

"What do you like about me? You started this game, so you can finish it."

Billy brought his hand up in mock thought to his chin. "You're still kinda hot."

Joss smacked him lightly on the upper arm.

He ran a hand distractedly up and across her shoulder, moving his touch to softly grab her hair and pull her head back, exposing her throat to his seeking lips. "I like your hair," he murmured into her skin, his hot breath ticklish. "I like how long it is, how when you walk, it sways with your hips and brushes the top of your ass."

Joss tried to move but he gently pulled her hair again, so he could continue his exploration without interruption. She let out a laugh. "How many times have you watched my back when I wasn't looking?" She wanted it to sound stern and judgmental, but she just sounded excited and breathless.

He didn't reply, his hands moving from her hair to explore the rest of her body, engrossed now in making her breathing faster and Joss' arms enclosed him, encouraging him on, wanting to feel every single thing he did in crystal clear clarity. Her own touch guided him back to her mouth and then she began to mirror his own intense actions, exploring his neck with kisses, up to his ear, teeth grazing and pulling gently against skin, her breathing coming faster as his palm found her breast and applied differing pressure, thumb rubbing in slow but firm motions, finding out what made her breath hitch in a way he liked.

Joss suddenly wanted to bring him all the pleasure he gave her, she wanted to make him feel as helpless and clay-like in her hands as she so often did in his. She wanted to touch him and feel him respond to every tiny thing she decided to do.

Her palms slid up his chest, gripping the straps of his vest in her fists as she pulled him into her, wanting to merge them both into the moment, into each other.

"Don't stop," Joss whispered huskily into his ear, and that really was all the encouragement he needed. His mouth founds hers in a hungry and insistent kiss as they tugged and pulled each other closer.

His fingers were between her thighs, seeking beneath clothing, before she had chance to draw a full breath from that kiss, his strokes so confident and familiar that her whole body buzzed with anticipation of the vast release it knew those hands could bring so easily.

Joss slid her hands down to his jeans, her palm cupping his hardened length and massaging gently, wanting him to feel what she was feeling, wanting him to want her touch as much as she wanted his. She could feel his kisses losing momentum from her caresses, feel his breath catch and quicken as she unbuttoned and unzipped his fly and reached inside. He took in an uneasy breath, his own touch against her slowing as she grabbed hold of him fully and felt him lose control of everything he was doing as that growing charge of promised intense pleasure rushed into all his senses.

A breathless "fuck" passed his lips as his hips bucked forward into her slow fluid movements, his grip on her slackened completely, and for a brief moment his eyes closed as he began to lose himself more and more with each pump of her hand. Joss let out a delighted laugh, enjoying him being just a little helpless.

His lip curled into a snarl and suddenly his grip was in her hair again, grabbing it into a tail and pulling. It was much harder than before and was enough to shock Joss out of her intent work, her hands going to the table top to steady herself.

"Ow! Hey!" she protested as he continued to hold her head back, forcing her body into an awkward position that meant to move threatened a loss of balance. He held her there, her form prone and vulnerable, throat fully exposed, and for a few seconds Joss could feel his eyes burning across her skin, hungry and gloating, setting her on fire. His lips dipped against hers in a silencing rough kiss before she could voice any further protest, teeth grazing and pulling at her bottom lip.

He contained her there with stern force as his fingers probed and entered her and Joss struggled against the sensation of being held captive to his whims when all her body wanted to do was make him give her that sweet release, but he didn't allow it. His hand remained coiled tightly in her hair, pulling her back, keeping her offered in begrudging sacrifice to his mouth and touch as his fingers pumped mercilessly, changing momentum now and again only to splay into a sharp and sudden wide V inside her, making her cry out in desperation. When he finally relented she was a panting impatient mess.

"Turn around."

Joss was fully aware that wasn't a question.

"What?" Her voice sounded so lacklustre that she knew whatever answer he gave would overpower it.

"You'll like it, I promise." He was grinning, but it wasn't the smile she liked, it was the cunning smug look that he wore when he was about to get his own way, when he knew he was winning the game.

The ache between her thighs seemed to decide that choice for her so easily and she slid down from the table, and with a doubtful last look up into Billy's eyes she turned her back to him. His hands came to her shoulders, making Joss start just a little, her heart beginning a frantic rhythm of nervous excitement.

His palms moved down her back, pausing at her waist and with firm pressure he urged her to bend over the table. Joss shifted her position, so her palms and cheek were pressed against the wood, the smell of moss and damp invading her nose.

Billy reached up, under her skirt and pulled her underwear down to her ankles, which Joss then stepped out of, her breathing hitching as she waited for his next move. Her heart was beating hard against the solidness of the picnic table, the blood pumping hot and eager through her, prolonging that aching torment that wanted his touch again so badly.

She'd expected him to lift her skirt above her ass and take her there and then, but instead she felt his weight shift, his hips pushing against her backside, she could feel his own arousal pressing hard and firm against her.

Joss curled her hands into loose balls, the waiting felt near unbearable and just seemed to make her want him more. She felt his hand rest at the jut of her hip and then he was reaching, down past her stomach to in between her legs again, and Joss let out a whimpered cry as he made contact, and heard him hum a little smug self-satisfied laugh at how obviously eager and pliable her own desire was to his touch.

He moved in steady sweet slow aching circles, bringing her steadily to that edge, keeping his touch light as Joss panted and moaned, her nails digging into the soft flesh of her palms as she tried to withstand the exquisite torture which catered to every shiver and moan that escaped her control, adjusting pressure and speed with every sound and tensing of body, tuning Joss' pleasure as if he were an expert on her own inner workings.

The intensity grew rapidly, without warning and Joss was gasping, her nails now trying to find mercy and support in the soft rotten wood beneath her touch. Just as it began to build to that crescendo where everything was going to shatter and fall apart, her breathing no more than ragged panting and needy wordless whines, he moved again and thrust his hips forward, taking her remorselessly from behind. Joss cried out, her back arching, pushing herself greedily into his firm thrusts, while his fingers continued that rhythmic pitiless circling and the ache turned suddenly to a bolt of lightning, shooting into every nerve and pooling in the very depth of Joss' abdomen before contracting into that one focal point where his fingers still moved and releasing all over again in waves of radiating pulses.

Joss felt her whole body become still and rigid as if the sensations were paralyzing her in place, and she squeezed her eyes closed, everything contained under an unbearable pressure that she had to release or it would pop her like a balloon. Then it crested again and fell over her like a great wave, consuming her completely. She felt as if she was gasping in air after drowning, her breaths coming in big desperate gulps, only able to make little cries in response to it all. Her nails dug further into the wood, wanting to push herself back into all that potent feeling again, while at the same time wanting to claw herself away from it on hands and knees.

As she came back to her senses her whole form was shivering, as if she had no control over anything her body now did. She'd gone somewhere else with that feeling and she suddenly realized she hadn't even been aware of Billy, or if he had finished too. She wanted to move herself to look at him, but she found she couldn't do any more than pant out those pathetic little gasps.

She felt his hand come to her hair again and gently he pulled her back to standing, keeping her steady with a firm arm around her waist, palm skimming across her stomach. She felt his lips glance against her throat and heard him let out a little huff of self-satisfied laughter. It seemed he had enjoyed himself too.

Joss felt her feet and legs become steady and a little flare of indignation clutched at her. She quickly forced him to loosen his hold on her hair, before she shook it out over dramatically, making him take a step back. She rearranged her skirt before searching a short moment for her discarded clothing and with cautious care, to not expose herself further to his watchful taunting eyes, she eased them back on and then preened her hair again as if still annoyed he had messed it up.

He did a little half jump as he zipped up his fly and then he was lighting up another smoke. "So," he said, the cigarette dangling recklessly between his lips, an amused gratified smirk pulling at one corner of his mouth. "Did I keep my promise?"

Joss let out a dismissive sound, not willing to give him the win this time.

"I'll just go by what your body said, then," he said, moving his own hair back into a semi-tidy state.

Joss knew it was a trap but walked in anyway. "What my body said?" She gave him an unconvinced look.

"Yeah, like I said, just like a book. It's how I know how to make you-" His smile widened to an unkind delighted grin as he saw Joss was squirming again at this frank talk. "Well, you know, right?" he teased, with a flick of his eyebrows.

"Yes, I know," Joss said, easing herself back onto sitting on the table, trying to suppress the wince of still feeling a little tender. "But, I mean, how do you know how to..." Joss found her voice suddenly hoarse and gulped down saliva, trying to stop that unwanted dry feeling, "every time..."

Billy let out a crass laugh along with a plume of smoke, his tongue twirling in a wag of arrogant self assurance. "So, I guess that's another thing your first guy couldn't do well, huh?"

Joss felt a blush rise in her cheeks and brushed a hand across the tip of her nose, trying to physically move away the feeling. "Not every time, no."

"Total loser." Billy puffed out another laugh of smoke.

"Well, how do you know so much?" Joss jibed back.

"Lots of practice," Billy said, with another grin, his head cocking with renewed flirtatious energy.

Joss felt her stomach plummet, because that meant that every time they'd been together, every time he'd brought her to that height of pleasure, he'd already done it with someone else, while for her there were so many firsts. She suddenly didn't feel so special, and she felt like a damn hypocrite judging him for his own past exploits when she was so against him doing the same to her.

"So, every time you are with a girl, she..." Joss swirled her finger in the air as if that action was as good as those unspoken words would be.

"Yeah," he said with a nonchalant shrug.

Joss didn't want to tell him that she'd only had a few climaxes with her first boyfriend and they had never really felt intentional, just haphazard lucky timings. The high school burnout she'd messed casually around with while her dad was working late two years ago, had been a little different. Sneaking him in to her bedroom during her one and a half weeks of vacation there had been the main thrill. It had still felt good, but usually she'd given him a helping hand to get her off. There had been none at all with the guy she'd had a one night stand with last summer on her yearly trip back to California. That meeting had been a desperate drunken fumble in the dark, over in seconds, strangers hungry for some bodily connection.

Billy seemed to have a careless ease about it all, like it wasn't even a big deal, like he didn't get off unless the girl did too. She could understand that, in fact it all made perfect sense, because he had to be in control.

"I didn't appreciate you pulling my hair, that didn't feel great," Joss said, inspecting her hair closely as if she was checking how much damage he'd done.

"Some chicks dig it," he said, coming to lean next to her again.

"Not this 'chick'." Joss flipped her hair over her shoulder and then side eyed him a moment, watching him take another lungful of smoke.

"What about you?" she asked, before her brain could tell her any of this line of questioning was a bad idea.

"What about me?"

"What do you like? When we... you know?" Joss stuttered.

Billy flicked her a suspicious look as if she was being deliberately dense. "What we just did," he said.

"Yeah, obviously, but I mean... what else?"

Billy gave her that same incredulous look. "What else is there?"

Joss wasn't sure if he was being serious or just wanting her to embarrass herself by spelling it all out. "I don't know, what do you like a girl to do to you?"

He licked his lips and grinned, taking another pull on his cigarette and chuckled, but seemed to be deliberately withholding the answer, like he was thrusting a plaything she wanted out of reach and enjoying the chase of her grasping uselessly for something he gleefully denied her.

"I haven't read playboy lately for tips," Joss said flippantly.

Billy let out another low chuckle. "As long as it's a work out that feels good at the end, any way is fine with me."

Joss shifted her weight, knowing she was going to be pressing on a nerve that might be nothing, or could send a spike of pain flaring between them. "It just felt like... you didn't want me to really touch you." Joss tried to make it sound casual but it didn't work, it came out like an accusation.

Billy laughed again, a huff that sounded mocking, the smoke that escaped his mouth looking like a frozen breath of air in mid December, and Joss felt that change, that coldness suddenly settling across them. "Bullshit," Billy said, and snorted before spitting off into the bushes.

"If it's bullshit, why did you pull my hair so hard?" Joss didn't know how it was so easy to nosedive back into being angry with him, but it was like falling, she didn't even have to try. "It felt like you were punishing me for trying to take the lead."

"Punishing you? Jesus Christ, get a grip, Joss! Look, I won't pull your hair again if you didn't like it. You don't need to make up stories to make yourself feel better that you weren't into it. That's not my problem!" He took a last drag on his cigarette and threw it to the ground in semi-restrained anger, crushing his boot heel down upon the cherry.

"Jesus, is it so bad that I want to know what you like? Why are you making this into an argument?" Joss said, wanting to understand why this had all gone so badly wrong in such a short space of time.

"I'm not, Tanner, you are. Look, get back in the damn car. I have better things to do tonight. We are done here."

Joss could tell by the set of his jaw and the annoyance in his eyes that he was serious and she had indeed stepped on a nerve.

"Well, I'm glad you had your fun and now you can just put me back in my box until you next want to play with me!" She couldn't help the anger and the lashing out, because she wanted more, of him, of who he really was. She suddenly wanted him to give her a reason to feel more.

Billy looked down, shaking his head. "We're not having this fight. I'm tired, you're being a bitch, get in the car." He pointed his finger in a jab of finality towards the car.

"You know what, fine," Joss said with a casual shrug, keeping her voice calm but firm. "We are done here." She quickly got back into the car just as he'd wanted and watched as he took a moment to look out over the night sky and light up another cigarette. Despite her annoyance at him, Joss couldn't help wondering just what was going through his mind.

Chapter Text

After Billy had taken her home in austere silence on Sunday night, something had shifted, Joss wasn't fully sure exactly what, but something between them had subtly changed. Maybe that was just for her, or for both of them, she didn't know. All she did know was that she had hated the way he'd made her feel so helpless, hated it and hungered for it, all in one complex ball of lust fuelled intensity.

Joss had looked at herself in her bedroom mirror on Monday morning and had to fight back down the ridiculous and impulsive urge to grab a pair of scissors and hack her hair off to a length that wouldn't be so easy to grab hold of next time. The compulsion was so strong to childishly take away his toys in a way she felt he had done to her. She'd met her own gaze in the reflection and heard the mocking inner voice that told her she was being irrationally melodramatic, and just as Lori had advised, she needed to grow up. She was a damn adult, and she had to start acting like it, instead of throwing inner tantrums when things didn't go her way.

She reached a compromise with herself by gathering her newly luscious curls into a high ponytail with a banana clip, piling it all into a waterfall style that would make it harder for anyone with amorous thoughts to get a firm hold and gain control of her body.

The first few days of the start of that week passed in a blur before Joss' eyes. A progression of school, home, dinner and a movie, before she'd fall into bed, forced to do the same thing the next day. She finally got the quiet she'd been longing for, but she couldn't really say it helped her work out her own torrid thoughts or what her next choices would be. All she knew was that she was in no rush to talk to Billy again, and as more days passed, it surprisingly seemed he felt exactly the same way.

Billy had returned to not seeing her at all when she passed him in the hallways, his eye line never drifting to her in class, as if she no longer existed. Joss knew she should have been pleased he'd done as she'd asked with the whole 'no school stuff', but instead she felt inexplicably despondent, as if he'd come right out and rejected her. That undetermined repositioning between them had perhaps a lot to do with it, as Joss couldn't really say his motives were clear. She didn't know if his actions were because he was actually respecting her wishes or penalizing her for the fight on Sunday, and that made her feel apprehensive.

'Hypocrite' should become her middle name, Joss admonished, because she had expected him to hound her down as the week went on, to orchestrate ways they could be alone, ways to see her. That he'd batter her defences until he finally won through her stubbornness and then the dance could begin all over again. Part of her had looked forward to it and it was a well rehearsed play book between them now.

Finding out that wasn't how this would all go, made Joss feel like Billy had somehow added new rules to the game they were playing, but hadn't bothered to share them with her, and now she was left trying to imagine just what they could be, until she was sick of thinking about it. Or maybe he really had finally grown tired of her? Tired of the constant fights and push back. Joss felt tired too, but for those next few days she wasn't ready to give up completely.

She found she was fighting the self-destructive inclination to deliberately seek him out or catch his eye, maybe bend over a little too close next time she 'dropped' a pencil near him. Thankfully, Joss had enough good sense and willpower to hold herself back from those unhelpful impulses. Unfortunately, the reassuring knowledge that she hadn't turned into an attention seeking mess just yet, didn't really do anything to help the mixed signals firing around her own brain. She wanted him, constantly, his touch, his gaze, his attention, but she didn't want to be with him. She couldn't work out how those conflicting emotions could co-exist.

As the week slowly passed, Joss began to convince herself that the best thing for them both was to limit contact until they just drifted apart and forgot about each other. The weekend came and went and Billy didn't show up at the arcade, and another school week started without even a single glance in her direction. It all felt possible that it could be that easy as they seemed to become more and more like strangers. Ghosts passing each other in the hallways.

Joss felt that loss more keenly than she'd imagined she would, like she was grieving something dead and gone, and she found herself lying awake and miserable too many nights as the next days passed by much like the last.

Those dark lonely empty nights were the worst to endure because she'd forgotten just how alone she'd felt before Billy came along. Joss wanted to reach out for something comforting and familiar, something that would ease the pressure of pent up emotions by opening up her own skin. The secreted away blade in her bathroom called out for her so sweetly, so gently, in its usual deceptive voice of cold reason. Joss had pushed her pillow over her face, smothering the craving, blotting out the siren call.

When Wednesday rolled around Joss had gotten into the habit of constantly reaffirming that this was all for the best. Whatever she and Billy had wasn't healthy or good for either of them, even if it had felt so good, even if she missed him like she missed the welcoming cool shade on another hot sweaty day, it would pass. She just had to get through it, take the rejection on the chin and act like the adult she kept trying to tell herself she should embody.

Besides, Joss reasoned, now the exams were only a few weeks away, she could focus all her attention on something else, something truly important; her future. Each lesson became a cram session, each teacher trying to fill students' heads with as much knowledge as was possible. Thankfully not every day was meant for revision or study, they still got a little bit of time to relax, even if it wasn't much of a reprieve.

Today, the seniors were getting the so-called delightful chance to enjoy their last school trip. They were going to a field on the outskirts of town that had been the site of some civil war fort or camp, Joss couldn't remember the details and she didn't really care. Knowing she'd have nothing better to do, she had brought one of her sketch books along for entertainment. A lot of seniors had decided to sit this one out, choosing to study or do something else fun with their time, including Lori who had decided to work on her flute practice, but any chance to get out of school was a chance Joss wasn't going to pass up. The free places had been offered to the juniors in the year below to make sure the bus was semi-full and the school board got its money's worth.

The bus that would ferry the twenty or so students there and back arrived, and despite having every available window open it was like a sauna that smelled unpleasantly of well worn gym socks inside. Joss found a seat near the back and took the whole thing up with her bag and body, hoping this would be enough to put anyone off wanting to be her trip buddy.

Burying her attention in her pencil strokes and the music from her Walkman headphones, she didn't notice the bus filling up until it lurched forward, beginning the bumpy, stifling journey to their destination. It mercifully wasn't a long ride before they arrived, and Joss waited until everyone had departed, not taking her eyes from her work until she was sure she was alone, knowing the teacher wouldn't even notice her absence.

She heaved herself up, pulling her bag up onto her shoulder, feeling the extra weight of her packed lunch and soda can, knowing both would probably be warm by the time she got around to wanting them.

Ignoring the group she should have been following to the tiny shack that served as an information kiosk, Joss walked across the field, heading for a distant secluded spot amongst a few ruined stone walls. She found a patch of grass in the shade and placed her jacket down as a makeshift blanket, hearing the far off loud booming voice of the guide beginning to tell the same story Joss had heard on her last school trip here two years ago.

Feeling pleased with herself, that she'd worn something light and airy today so she could survive that sweltering bus journey, Joss settled into a comfortable position, her palm skimming over the long flowing pink and brown paisley print skirt and adjusting the strap of her cream lace camisole back onto her shoulder. Both items of clothing were 'borrowed' from her mom's closet, styles that she no longer wore now her life was dedicated to a curated craze of athletic wear, her old hippy style taken over by shiny spandex leotards and bright neon colours.

Joss turned back to her drawing and the day wore on, she finished her warm sandwich and drink, knowing she had maybe an hour or two before the bus would be leaving and then she could go home, veg out for a few hours and relax. It was only a few more days until the end of the week and then... then what? She was meant to be going to see that band on Saturday night with Billy, the ticket was lying waiting and ready on her nightstand, but she supposed she'd have to let that go too, since it didn't look like they were even on speaking terms anymore. Joss guessed a ride up there in his Camaro in their current state would be out of the question, or at the very least a very awkward conversation.

Engrossed in her own work, the differing pressure strokes of pencil creating depth and bringing life to the image that so far existed only in her mind, she didn't notice the approaching figure until the steady footsteps drew her eyes to the noise.

"Hey," Jonathan greeted, "you escaping the boring talk too?" He gestured back over his shoulder in the direction the bus load of students had taken.

Joss pressed stop on her Walkman, adjusting the headphones to sit around her neck, and put down her pencil, pushing away the slight feeling of sullen annoyance that wanted to win out over her manners at being interrupted. It was hard because it had been a while since she'd felt so creatively focused. "Yeah." She noticed the camera dangling around his neck and pointed a finger at it. "You taking photos?"

He nodded. "It's a pretty good spot to get some interesting pictures, the texture of the stone and trees, it's pretty cool. That's why I came over here, didn't expect to see you using it as a hide out." He took a hesitant breath in and Joss knew he was feeling as ill at ease by this casual conversation as she was. It must have taken some effort to make himself come over here and start any kind of dialogue, when he could have just turned around and kept his own peace. Joss admired him for it. "You like to draw then? You into art and stuff?" He indicated to her drawing pad.

"And stuff," she teased, breaking the tension and making him laugh. "It's good to get away, new surroundings, you know?"

He nodded again.

"How's your brother?" she asked, reaching for any other small talk she could find, wanting to help him bridge that gap between them, make it somehow easier.

"Oh, he's a pain in my butt, constantly. But he's good, thanks for asking."

"Cool," Joss said.

"How are... you doing?" Jonathan asked pointedly.

"I'm good too. Just waiting for the exams to come and be over, then I can finally be free." Joss grinned, knowing he'd understand that desire only too well.

"What are you planning to do, after school I mean?" he asked, trying to make small talk back.

She puffed out her cheeks and let out a long suffering sigh. "I don't know yet. Move, that's the first big thing."

"Yeah, Hawkins can feel pretty small," he laughed. "Where you moving to?"

Joss considered this for a few seconds. "To see my dad in California, maybe?" she said, shielding her eyes from the sun to look in his direction. "Only lead I have so far."

"Well, at least the weather will be sort of consistent."

Joss laughed. "Yeah, these hot early summers and cold winters here kill me."

"I hope it works out for you." He hesitated, as if he didn't know if he should ask his next question or not. "Are you going to the big after Prom party this weekend?"

Joss quirked an eyebrow at him, her mouth moving faster than her brain. "You don't really strike me as the party type." She pushed her lips together, realizing that had probably come off a little rude. "No offense," she added quickly.

"None taken," he chuckled. "I'm not. Not really into that stuff, but my girlfriend, Nancy, has some friends going, they're seniors, and it's the last time they'll all be together, so we're going."

"Oh, cool," Joss said, not feeling at all cool with her limited social skills.

"So, if you are going, you can come hang out with us if you want. Be good to see you, I guess say goodbye too."

"Thanks," Joss said, touched a little by his kindness. "That's really cool of you, but parties are really not my scene. Bad music, bad drinks, bad drunks."

He laughed again. "Yeah, I kinda know what you mean." He fidgeted with his camera a moment. "I guess I might see you at the arcade or school then."

"Yeah, that'd be cool," she said, feeling she had used that word far too much already. Joss knew he was about to end the conversation and didn't want to leave the elephant in the room unconfronted. "What happened the other night, at the arcade..." She paused, finding her brain had stopped feeding her words of conversation for a few seconds, just white noise. Jonathan didn't seem to notice her short circuit and waited patiently for her to continue. "It was a misunderstanding," she finally pushed out, with a weak shrug as explanation.

Jonathan suddenly looked slightly uncomfortable and Joss wished she hadn't said anything at all, but she'd started this now, she had to see it through, one way or another.

"I know it looked bad... but Billy..." There came that short circuit again and she had to force herself to concentrate and finish the sentence. "He just misunderstood, he'd had a bad day and... it snowballed, you know? Just a misunderstanding, nothing serious. It's fine now."

"So, you know him more than just that little you mentioned?" It should have sounded like a dig at her dishonesty, but coming from him it somehow didn't, just factual. He scratched the back of his neck. "Are you guys, like-"

There was so much hidden in those words that Joss nearly fell over herself to reply before he'd finished the question. "No, no, just friends." Her mind inwardly pricked her with the needle of that lie.

"Well, if that's how he treats his friends, I'd hate to see how he treats his enemies." He seemed to consider something. "I've known some people in my life that used to make excuses for other people's 'misunderstandings', I used to do it. Never works out well."

Joss felt the weight behind those words too. "It's really not that serious," Joss deflected, "and he's not always an asshole, he just..." She faltered again, knowing she was trying to defend something that probably didn't deserve it. "He has a lot to deal with."

"Well, it's your life," Jonathan said glibly, and to Joss it was like he was telling her it was her own funeral.

Joss connected with his eyes for a second and suddenly stiffened a little, becoming deeply uncomfortable with this whole conversation and knowing it wasn't done with yet.

"Would you do me a favour and not mention this to anyone, that I know him I mean, at school and stuff?" Joss said, trying to sound unruffled but knowing she just sounded nervous.

Jonathan laughed a nervous huff of laughter but it died quickly as he realized she was being serious.

"Yeah. I wouldn't say anything anyway. It's not really any of my business."

Joss cringed inwardly, feeling intensely embarrassed, because part of her knew she'd made a tiny part of this his business just by speaking openly about it. He must have read something of her feelings upon her face because he seemed to change his response from slight annoyance to something a little more comforting.

"I get it, school is full of talk," Jonathan said. "Everyone knows he dumped Trish right before Prom, and how unhappy she is with that whole thing, so..." Despite his good intentions it was lacklustre reassurance.

Joss swallowed hard, Jonathan had so easily read the whole situation as if it were penned out with stark black letters in a notebook.

"I wouldn't want anyone to know either. High school is hell," he said, and his tone was not without some sympathy.

"Yeah, it is. Thanks," Joss managed, but the atmosphere was strained now. "Catch you around then?"

"Yeah, maybe," Jonathan said, that uncomfortable squirm coming back into his posture as the release of ending this conversation came into sight for them both, but he stilled and looked over at her, his eyes serious. "Just, know when enough is enough, sometimes that's all it takes." After that cryptic declaration he gave her a small wave before he took off on his quest for arty photographs.

Joss took in a deep lungful of air and closed her eyes for a few seconds, telling herself it had really gone as well as it possibly could, given the circumstances, and she didn't feel like Jonathan was the kind of guy to break his word.

She went back to her drawing, putting her headphones on and pressing play on her Walkman. A funky seventies inspired rock beat rippled through her hearing, aiding her creative strokes, soon she had become completely wrapped up in her work and this time she didn't hear anyone approaching her from behind in soft footfalls until they were looming over her.

"Have you been hiding out here this whole time?" Billy said, shocking her out of her trance and making her remove her headphones in one quick yank, the music still playing with a tinny distant sound from where they dropped into her lap, her heart pummelling unpleasantly against her ribs.

"Shit!" Joss spluttered. "Don't sneak up on me!"

He laughed, pushing his sunglasses higher up his nose as he sat down, resting one arm on his knee.

"I'm not hiding," Joss grumped, trying to correct the jagged pencil line his abrupt appearance had caused her to draw.

"I've been looking for you most of the last hour. I guessed you were here from seeing Byers slinking about."

"Still doesn't mean I was hiding." Joss didn't fully look up from her work for a few seconds but gave him a quick covert side glance over, trying to detect if he was annoyed at her interaction with Jonathan, but Billy wasn't giving anything away. She turned her gaze back to drawing, not wanting him to know just how hard her heart was still beating, not in shock now, but in hunger at just how near he was, starved for a bite of his attention.

"Can you give me your time over that for a minute?" he asked, pushing the paper carelessly into her lap.

Joss took a sharp intake of breath through her nose in feigned irritation of his actions but relented and put down her pencil.

"We haven't talked for a while," he said.

"Well, that was kind of the point. I didn't want to talk to you. By the way you've been acting, you didn't feel much like talking to me either."

He raised an intrigued eyebrow above his sunglasses. "So, you think I've been avoiding you?" He let out the shitty laugh she hated.

"Haven't you?" Joss accused with a stern look. "You didn't come by the arcade at the weekend, you didn't call-"

"I was tired after work." He interrupted her passionate speech with careless ease. "I worked two full shifts, ten till five, since one of the guys was sick with a supposed stomach flu, but we all know he just can't handle his beer." He flashed a cocky grin. "And Tommy had a party on Saturday night and I was hungover the day after. Thought I'd told you I was busy. Guess I forgot." He gave another unconcerned shrug.

"Yeah, guess you did," Joss said, not wanting to sound as sulky as she did, but unable to help herself.

"You could have called me," Billy said, redirecting this back on her. "Not like you don't know my number, right?" He flashed that confident grin again.

"Well, you didn't seem to know I existed at school, so I didn't know if you wanted me calling up your house."

"Jesus, Joss, I was just doing exactly what you wanted. No school stuff, right?"

"This is a school trip," Joss said, incredulous at his skewed view of exactly what their agreement had meant, wanting to hide her own duplicity, not wanting him to know just how relieved she was that he was sitting before her, that they weren't through.

"This isn't strictly at school so..."

Joss gave him a scathing narrowing of her eyes, and he at least had the sense to not finish that sentence.

"Okay," he said, pulling a face that mimicked her own grumpy expression, "but hell, I'm not mad, right?"

She gave him a quizzical look.

"Byers," he prompted, "see, it's all good."

Joss gave a dismissive snort, but had to concede he had not ambled his way over here to knock Jonathan out, or give her a hard time.

"I'm not mad. I did kinda overreact last time." He reached out, catching her hand and running his thumb across her knuckles, the connection sending a spike of pleasure into her brain, her body thrumming with a sudden appetite for more. "I was riled up that night, but it's all good now."

"Maybe," was about all she could manage as she wrestled with gaining some control over her own response to him being so close, right in front of her, in a way part of her had wanted so badly all week. She pulled herself out of his grip.

"I know that limp dweeb doesn't stand a chance. Just don't let him get too friendly and get any high ideas, feeding stray dogs makes them come sniffing back around."

Joss eyed him with annoyance. "Jonathan's a nice guy, he isn't like that and he is definitely not interested in me in that way."

Billy laughed, a belittling smile upon his face as if happy to tolerate her naivety on this subject. "All guys want something, no one's nice for no reason."

Joss wanted to come back with something just a little scathing but decided she'd be better picking more worthwhile battles.

Billy took her headphones from her lap and listened for a moment to the music still playing, his foot tapping, before he gave them back to her. She pressed the stop button on her Walkman and adjusted her position, sitting cross-legged.

"What did he want anyway? Byers?" Billy was trying his best to sound casual but Joss rolled her eyes at his obvious prying.

"He wanted to see if I was going to that after Prom party everyone's going on about on Friday-"

"Oh he did, huh?" Billy suddenly sounded like he was gritting back his annoyance.

"Yes, he is going with his girlfriend," Joss said pointedly. "He just wanted me to know I could hang out with them, if I wanted to."

"And do you?" Billy asked, trying with great effort to redistribute the scowl that wanted to form on his brow.

Joss let out a chuckle and eyed him as if he should already be well aware of the answer. "No. I'm working anyway. I got half of Saturday night off to go see that band, so-"

"You still want to go?" he probed, his body seeming to relax, that smug look tugging once again at the side of his mouth.

"Yeah, I still want to go," Joss said with a wry smile, her heart doing a quick little patter in her chest that she was determined not to express outwardly.

"So, I guess you aren't going to Prom either?" Billy said, plucking aimlessly at the grass.

"Not a chance! Only Hawkins High would hold Prom before we've actually done our exams. It's like this whole place wants us to fail," Joss said with a roll of her shoulders and then looked at him, a sudden ripple of surprise flowing through her scalp, because after his break up with Trish she didn't think he'd be interested. "Wait, are you?"

"You don't have to sound like it's such a bizarre concept, just because it's too low brow for you-"

"I didn't say that," Joss said, instantly knowing he was trying to provoke her.

"Don't have to. Like a book, remember?" He gave her a sly smile.

"Prom just doesn't sound like it'd be your speed. I guess I thought you'd have better things to do," Joss said with a note of teasing.

Billy rose a scathing eyebrow at her. "In Hawkins?"

"Okay, point taken," Joss conceded.

"We can't all have the luxury of snubbing our peers," he said scathingly, but as he saw Joss was not enjoying this prodding he changed direction. "Course I'm going, think I'd live down not being there? It'd be social suicide to not at least show my face. Plus Tommy said he's going to spike the punch, so, should be a fun night."

Joss hesitated, knowing she was stepping onto uneven ground. "You taking a date?"

"Hell no!" he grunted. "One of the reasons I called it off with Trish. She wanted me to ask her, but no way I'm paying twenty bucks for some shitty corsage."

"Why am I not surprised one of your motivations was so chivalrous?" Joss quipped.

"I'm a lone wolf," he said with a grin, and let out a chuff of a laugh, reminding Joss once again of those lions at the zoo with the noise. "At least until the after party, that's when the real fun starts, when everyone lets loose." He wetted his lips, enjoying the unguarded displeasure that rippled across her face at his highly suggestive tone of just what 'lets loose' insinuated.

But, Joss didn't say anything cutting to show her disapproval, what right did she have to dictate who he saw or what he did? As she kept reminding him, whatever they were doing was not official or exclusive.

"You could come," he said, seeming to finally let her off this new shiny hook, "sneak outta work early, hang with me instead of that wet blanket Byers. We could find some quiet bedroom, have ourselves our own private party." He nudged her leg gently, palm skimming across her thigh, sending that electric spark into Joss' brain again. "Let your hair down." He flicked a few teasing fingers across her new high hairstyle and Joss thought he maybe knew exactly why she'd taken to wearing it this way and was taunting her.

"As completely fun as that sounds, to hang out after you've drunk half a bowl of spiked punch, I'm going to have to decline. I'm washing my hair," Joss smirked.

He let out a frustrated sigh along with a scornful laugh, like he'd already known exactly what she'd say.

"Why are you here anyway? Doesn't seem like your type of fun." Joss gestured to their surroundings, steering the conversation elsewhere.

"How do you know what my type of fun is?" he grinned. "I could just love historical shit." His nose scrunched with delight at the insincere reprimand.

"I kinda doubt that," Joss said, as he leaned back into a patch of sun, stretching his body with a feline licentiousness, enjoying the heat against his skin and posing a little just for her eyes, letting her see exactly what she'd been missing.

"I saw you getting on the bus," he relented, finally. "Thought we'd dragged this silent shit out too long. So, I drove out here."

Joss let out a snort but didn't comment on his opinion, not wanting to admit she was glad he had, knowing how much power she'd be handing over with those careless words. "In your car?"

He nodded. "Why would I travel in a hot cramped tin can when I can just take my own wheels with my own music?"

"I guess you think I should be flattered, right?" She looked up into his face but couldn't see his eyes, only her own reflection in the green tinted smoky glass of his golden framed aviator sunglasses.

"Yeah," he said simply.

She laughed, unable to help being just a little charmed by his unwavering confidence in his own aptitude.

"Come on, Joss, I miss us just hanging out, listening to music, driving around, don't you?"

"Sure I do, but it starts out good and then we always end up fighting. It's just not that easy."

"Why can't it be easy?" He reached out his hand, curling his touch around her exposed knee, that jolt of feeling his skin against hers making her want to squirm away, knowing it was only a matter of time before he broke through her defences. "Just us, the music and the ride, right?"

"It's not just us though, is it? You still keep putting us in situations where we are going to be seen at some point." Her eyes went to the area where she knew all their classmates were lingering. Thankfully they were still far enough away that it was unlikely. "Like right now. You act like I don't exist for nearly two weeks and then suddenly here you are, like we can just pick up where we left off, as if we didn't say or do some really messed up shit to each other."

"Look we fight, we fuck, we exist," Billy said with a shrug of both shoulders. "Tale as old as time. If you want me to notice you, you just gotta ask." He held a hand up to his ear in a mocking action. "Just say it kinda sweet and low, right here." He gestured for her to come a little closer. "I can be real generous." His tongue wetted his bottom lip in sensual anticipation of just how far that generosity would go if she just gave in.

"Stop joking around. This isn't funny." Joss wasn't as ready as she thought to admit full defeat. It felt so easy to be combative, and so hard to let him win. "Anyone could see you up here talking to me, and then-"

"Jesus, I don't care!" He breathed out harshly in exasperation. "Who gives a shit about what they think, anyway?" he said, lazily pulling at a long piece of grass, snapping it half way down and placing the remaining blade between his lips.

"I give a shit about being the school's latest gossip," Joss said. "I just don't want it, or that kind of drama, you know that!" It seemed the argument of previous nights wasn't over yet, and Joss gritted her teeth with the frustration of going around in circles with him.

He moved his hand up her leg, resting his palm on her thigh, his fingers caressing, trying to soothe and placate her, his touch seeking out the tender skin in the crook of her knee. Joss swatted him away, suppressing the unwanted smile the ticklish sensation tried to make appear on her lips.

"You should give a shit about what I think, not them, you have it all twisted, Tanner."

Joss wanted to bite back that he was wrong, he was the one twisting her up inside. "It's not happening, no gossip is happening," she said, adamant not to bend even an inch this time.

"Then I'll shut any gossip up."

Joss knew he meant physically, not by being careful, and she let out a sound of disdain at his flawed logic. Before she could reply with words, he'd leaned forward, pulling her roughly to him as if this was all the real answer she needed. His body pushed against hers, chest pressed to chest and his mouth met her lips in a sudden uncompromising kiss. For a second her instinct was to pull back, but as the surprise turned to relief, she ultimately didn't, allowing his tongue to slowly silence all her protests with insistent pressure, filling her mouth and senses with him. She'd missed him, missed this, and for a moment that want and need seemed to override her normal state of constant self-preservation.

His hands came to her shoulders, grazing across the bare skin of her upper arms, that touch feeling like sun rays against her light starved skin. His lips moved seductively to her neck, trying his best to lull and charm her into a false sense of security with him. His palm glided up, glancing over her thighs to her waist, his fingers trying to slide under her top, and that one hot touch of his palm against her bare stomach was enough to snap Joss back into reality.

Suddenly his snubbing of her at school really did feel way too calculated, a punishment. Making her desperate enough for his attention, that when he decided to appear out of nowhere she was ready to lie back and allow him anything he wanted. Letting him finally drag her out into the open, giving her nowhere to run and hide, but right back into his arms. Joss suddenly felt a little queasy.

"Stop." She pulled away, breaking all their contact.

"What?" Billy questioned, disgruntled by her rejection of the heated moment they'd been about to share.

"Seriously?" Joss said, gathering her drawing from the ground, now a bunched mess that had been crumpled between their bodies. She pulled it to her chest as if it were a ward against him. "Did you even bother to listen to what I just said?"

"I listened!" he said, with true indignation.

"No, you didn't. You try and make out with me on a damn school trip with people around. You promised, no school stuff, remember?" It took a lot of effort to keep her voice low.

"We aren't at school, besides, no one is going to come up here," he protested, a little too loudly.

"Jonathan did, you did." Joss pushed back twice as hard with her words, unwilling to back down this time. It seemed there really was no middle ground for them.

Billy stared at her, pushing his glasses up onto the top of his head, revealing spiteful cool blue eyes that told her without any words that this was all her fault, she was making this situation a mess with her stupid nonsense demands. "It's fine, why are you making such a big deal?"

"No!" Joss said sternly. "Just no."

"Okay, fine," he conceded, with all the grace of a brick. "Whatever you say. I thought you might want a good time with me, but guess I was wrong." He gave a flippant hand gesture.

"The fact you just don't respect how I feel about any of this-"

"I do respect it!" he said heatedly, eyes boring into her suddenly, grinding the words between his back teeth as if he hated them.

Joss took in a deep breath, not wanting another argument, even though that was exactly what was building. "Look, this is just going around in circles. It's all pointless."

Billy curled his lip into a humourless laugh as he shook his head at her words, as if she were being highly insulting. "Nice, here we go again," he said with a dismissive shrug, leaning back into the sun, as if enjoying the warmth and working on his tan was what he'd really come up here to do. "Maybe you should chill the hell out, Tanner, you are strung way too tight. You're lucky I actually enjoy your company, if you were just a chick you'd be way too much work." He placed his hands behind his head and grinned at his words, playing this off as a joke now, one Joss staunchly ignored.

"While I'm sure what you just said is the most macho bullshit I ever heard, that isn't the point. Why can't we just have fun? Why can't you just let this be whatever it is and have fun with me? I like spending time with you, but you have to stop pushing me to do what you want. I'm leaving after graduation anyway, and I just don't see what the point of this constant push and-"

"You never told me you were leaving." He jerked out of his relaxed pose, all the fun gone from his body language and expression, the scorn was back in his tone. He looked like he had been physically stung, his face reddening as if he'd suddenly become too hot.

"Yes, I did. Many times," Joss said, pushing gently back again, trying to at least keep some of her cool this time and not barrel straight down the path of exchanging charged insults.

"No!" Billy pointed a finger at her accusingly, his teeth slightly bared as he tried to contain whatever emotion it was that clearly wanted to burst out of him in this moment. "You said you wanted to leave, that's not the same."

"Can we just stop, Billy?" Joss said, hating every second of this. "Please, I just want to get through these last few weeks without a load of drama, okay?"

"Sure," Billy said, narrowing his eyes with nothing but spiteful accusation, "no drama."

Before she could say another word he had jumped onto his feet, and in his usual arrogant confidence filled strut, walked away, leaving Joss feeling empty and despondent all over again.

Chapter Text

Joss heard the low murmuring as the class returned from their tour around the site, it was time to pack up and get back on the sweltering bus.

She looked down at her unfinished sketch, glad that Billy had interrupted her before she'd gotten around to giving this modernist style martyr any real features. Because now it was clear: from the head of feather-cut curls; the dark lashes framing expressive half lidded eyes; and the light fuzz of a chevron moustache, shaded subtly across the top lip of a smug mouth; exactly who's image she had been conjuring with each easy stroke of her pencil. He stood, arms outstretched in a common saintly pose, beckoning the viewer closer, to be saved by just one single spiritual touch. His jeans and tank top were in jarring opposition to the half formed sash of silk material that curled off from solid muscular biceps, as if caught in a heavenly breeze. Right now, this felt the closest she could get to Billy without conflict, without repercussions.

She stared down at the drawing and winced at just how pathetic this all looked. Joss mumbled out half hearted reprimands for what she saw as clear loser behaviour for someone her age, pining over a guy that wasn't even hers like some crush-struck kid hitting puberty. With a tight drawing together of her lips Joss began to scrawl over the entire drawing with a careless, erratic scribbling of her pencil, erasing Billy on the paper in a way she could never do in real life, until all that remained was a dark amorphous blob.

Joss pushed everything into her bag, taking pointless care to slip the now destroyed and crumpled drawing into her notebook. She hadn't really allowed herself to dwell upon the unpleasant interaction with Billy, instead deciding to enjoy the time she had focusing back upon her art and, without knowing quite what her hands were forming, there he'd been staring back at her from the paper. Even when she tried to give herself time to think or not think at all, he clung to her thoughts like a damn parasite.

Joss bit her lip and scanned the empty space around her, there was no sign of Billy, he'd not come back or lingered on the outskirts, he'd just left, full of anger and spite over what she'd said. She knew she could have gone after him when he'd stormed off, if she'd wanted to. She could have pulled him somewhere quiet and private, tempted him back to her little clump of ruined stones, and soothed him, tried to make him understand that just because she intended to leave, that didn't mean she didn't care or they had to be done. She could have proved it with her body, giving in to her own appetite and sating his too. Telling him without words that this could all still be so good between them, but, she hadn't, too afraid to walk out into the open.

Joss was starting to truly understand just how incompatible it was to want anonymity while wanting more of him. Sooner or later she was going to have to decide to stand in the sunlight or scuttle back into the dark and deal with the consequences of whatever her choice was. It strangely felt like her first true adult decision, one that would impact her now and in the future, and discomfort brushed against her mind as Joss came to the realization that hiding in the shadowed side-lines of life was pretty miserable. She didn't feel ready to make that final step onto either path just yet, the resolve was still forming, an undetermined lump in her gut that hardened and softened with every hot and cold fluctuation her mind briefly settled upon, before flying off like a skittish bird.

She pushed herself onto her feet, stretching for a moment as her stiff limbs protested at being forced to sit so long in one hunched over position. She pulled on her denim jacket and grabbed her things before beginning to make her way to where she knew the bus waited. She was so engrossed in her own thoughts of getting back home and reaching out with a phone call to the Hargrove household, to see if Billy would agree to meet up and hear her out, that she wasn't really paying attention at all to her current surroundings, her head too full of hypotheses of unknown futures.

As she reached the gravel and dirt parking lot, she heard a car door opening that allowed the low rolling bass of rock music to fill the air, and her attention was drawn to the very familiar form of the Camaro, and Billy leaning his elbow on the roof. He slid his sunglasses down his nose, revealing mischievous blue eyes observing her intently, the anger Joss had last seen in his gaze at the ruins seemingly dissolved to nothing by their short time apart. He beckoned her over with a wave of his hand.

Joss glanced back at the distant shape of the bus, it looked like people were starting to file on now, if she wasn't careful she'd miss it. She hesitated for a short moment, deciding if she was indeed far enough away to not be noticed by anyone, before she changed her direction and strolled casually over to where Billy stood. She had the presence of mind to keep her distance and therefore the deniability that she was doing any more than exchanging tales about the weather with a classmate, should any curious glances stray too far their way.

"Thought I'd offer to rescue you from the bus," he said casually, as if they'd not just had stern words less than an hour before.

"My hero." Joss' tone dripped with sarcasm, but she felt undeniably smug that he had waited for her. For the moment she was happy to pretend too, when they were both in a good mood things felt so easy.

"I thought we could go back to mine, have some cold beers, and we can listen to music. Just relax. Get over the bullshit, you know?"

"Yours?" Joss raised a dubious eyebrow.

"My dad's working late, Susan is out all afternoon, and Max is at school for another few hours. It'd be just us." He took delight in that last word, letting it roll off his tongue with a hint of sultry rasp.

The temptation felt like it physically pulled somewhere deep inside Joss' stomach, a knot attached to her insides, the rope leading back to the leather belt at his waist, and he was giving that tether a sharp little tug now without even trying. Joss' eyes wandered over to the bus, a ripple of concern creasing her brow.

"Look, I'm just giving you a ride as far those idiots know, right?" Billy said, reading her just like that book again. "You don't have to tell them anything. Hell, let them think you're the only thing stopping me flunking the upcoming exams. I've got a bad enough reputation that they'd lap it up. Say what you want, I'll play along." Each word felt like a battering ram, splintering apart all of Joss' feeble defences. "Like you said, let's just have some fun."

Again Joss hesitated, despite knowing he was trying in his own way to understand and give her comfortable options, because it felt so hard to let go. She felt that sharp little pull of longing again, to see how he lived, what his room was like. After all, he'd already poked around in her private space, maybe this would make their current predicament feel fairer? All thoughts of their latest argument were relinquished as they slipped back into competing in whatever game this was, both waiting for the starter pistol to fire. Joss felt a little fluttering along with that next invisible tug, wanting so badly to play along.

"There is one tiny teeny little rule," she said with a coy smile.

"Rule?" Billy snarled out the word, like it had been an insult, and if this had been a cheesy movie about rebels from the nineteen fifties, Joss could quite easily hear his comeback being, 'I don't need no stinkin' rules'.

She suppressed the laugh that image wanted to push forward and turned it into a grin instead. "Yeah, if I come back with you, we play by my rules."

"What kinda rules do you want to play by, Tanner?" Billy gave a little suggestive raise of both brows. "I could be game."

"Ones that mean I call the shots, how fast or slow we go. Can you give me that?" Joss knew that had come out all wrong. She'd meant their whole dynamic, not just the pace of the sex that would inevitably happen once they were alone.

"Sure." Billy's tongue flickered at the corner of his lips before he grinned, clearly taking the suggestive words to heart. "Sure I can."

Joss scrunched her mouth to one side in an expression that said she wasn't fully convinced and on the verge of saying no at any moment, but finally smiled, letting him off with a blithe expression. "Okay," she relented, and saw his eyes lighten with pleased self-satisfaction. "I get to see if your room is anything like I imagined." She gave him a shrewd look.

"All the pink frills might be a shock," Billy said, teasing her.

She walked up to the passenger side and reached for the door, her eyes flicking for a moment to the group getting onto the bus, trying to take Billy's advice on board, that this was just a ride to her classmates' eyes, she didn't have to explain herself, this could be nothing if she and Billy said so to anyone who got a little too inquisitive.

It was then she noticed someone was stood closer to them than fitted into this comfortable fantasy, and in a ripple of caught panic, Joss' gaze briefly met Jonathan's, who was quite blatantly staring at them. His expression of concerned thin lips and furrowed brow fully displaying his displeasure that she was with Billy at all, and there was no mis-reading that that was his major problem right now. Sure, he'd seen an argument between them at the arcade and he didn't like Billy at all, he'd made that crystal clear, but what right did he have to any opinion on them hanging out? Didn't he say it was her life? Joss didn't like or appreciate the stern judgment coming from a guy she barely knew, but also felt relieved that she didn't think he was the gossipy type.

It didn't pass Joss' notice that normally this would have been a reckless line of thinking, and in opposition to her normally staunch take that any gaze upon her was a spotlight she didn't want. But perhaps Jonathan needed to see this was her choice and he didn't have any right to butt in.

Joss suddenly felt bolder than she really was. Maybe being with Billy was changing her, making her take more risks, or at least disregard the normal warning her mind so often flagged up to prevent her getting hurt, or seen, or noticed at all.

Maybe this wasn't bravery at all, but stupidity, and she was just becoming sloppy because of her own slavish desires. She felt a slight pang of guilt replace that knotted rope of temptation for a moment, knowing she'd let Billy off far too easily after their argument the other night, and the answer why was as simple as it ever was; being with him was exciting. It made her feel alive, a feeling Joss had denied herself for so long that it felt like she was starving and ravenous for any juicy treat she could snap up. Once she'd had a taste, all she wanted was more. Maybe it was time she allowed herself a break from constantly wanting to be nothing, maybe she deserved to live a little.

She met Jonathan's eyes and a little patter of elation crept up her spine, and on the heels of that emotion came a sudden shot of revulsion that she was actually enjoying this, enjoying drawing Jonathan's ire and disapproval, enjoying Billy's hungry eyes on her, wanting her, because it meant she was there, finally living some kind of life.

Jonathan's expression softened to something else, something that held pity and commiseration at her silent choice as Joss settled uneasily into the passenger seat.

Joss rolled her shoulders, glancing away and denying any further eye contact, feeling suddenly just a little sick from her own thoughts. They felt somehow tinged with poison, and if she drank too much from that cup, it could end up being deadly to her own existence as the Joss she knew. But being with Billy made her want more than just an existence. It made her recklessly want to take a big gulp of that cup and damn the consequences. At least until all the uncertainty clawed its way back in to her thoughts again, and Joss was left teetering on an edge that she was terrified of falling over.

Joss set to nibbling at the edge of one rough cuticle, trying to shrug off all the uncertainty. She nipped and tugged a little too hard and the faint tang of iron invaded her taste buds, the bitterness giving her a welcome dose of tangibility. What she really needed to do in this moment was hold fast to her convictions, gain back control over herself, and push down gently on the brakes of the accelerating joyride her and Billy's relationship was becoming. She wasn't quite sure how she'd do that yet, but perhaps evening the playing field between them was a start.

Joss suddenly noticed Billy hadn't got in yet, he was still standing half out of the car, his face obscured, taking too long a pause, as if something had drawn his attention. His body tensed for a moment, and her thoughts pricked, had he noticed Jonathan's disapproval too? Her nerves bristled at the prospect of another angry, eye drawing confrontation.

"Hey?" Joss called softly, hoping that was enough to defuse whatever was happening, and she glanced over at Billy as he finally sat down. He made an encouraging noise for her to say what she wanted as he lit up a cigarette and closed the car door. "Everything... okay?" Joss coaxed, abandoning the anxious biting of her fingernails completely, hiding the small wound she'd caused with an easy curl of her fist.

"Yeah, all good." He had an effortless carefree smirk upon his lips, all ease and relaxed posture, eyes lingering across her body, patiently hungry, knowing he had time to enjoy what was going to happen now they'd both given in. Joss realized he wasn't concerned with any drama outside the car, only her and those next moves they'd take across the board, she was letting paranoia get the best of her.

She wanted to be as blasé as he was, flip the bird to any of those disapproving eyes, and bask in the feeling of finally being free from the shackles of fear. But Joss knew that would be hard to do, here in Hawkins. She looked over at him and gave a flirtatious smile that she was ready to go wherever he wanted to take her, eager to be far away from those curious eyes of their peers now.

They drove down country roads and then across town, the music blaring and the wind cooling them through rolled down windows, before they finally turned onto the leafy suburbs of Cherry Lane, where many one storey houses passed them by, until Billy pulled up outside one with a large porch covered by screens.

Joss took in the place, the frazzled yellowing grass of the front lawn was in stark contrast to the well tended lush pink rose bushes that huddled around one side of the building. A long path with sets of intermediate stone steps ran up the gentle slope to the front door.

Billy didn't say anything after turning off the engine, he just got out of the car, expecting her to follow suit, which Joss did, shadowing him up the path and through the porch door. They paused only for a brief moment as Billy unlocked the front door and then went inside, his hand reaching back and curling nonchalantly around hers, pulling her after him.

They stepped into the living room, a bland affair of mostly beiges and browns, with a large comfortable sofa positioned in front of a TV. Joss wasn't sure what she'd expected, but something so normal and ordinary hadn't really been it. Had Billy felt the same when he'd ventured into her house? Her gaze followed the open plan living room into a smaller second space, a dining room perhaps? A press bench and weights were set to one side, and she found herself wondering just how often Billy worked out? She guessed as much as he could, his muscles were a testament to a thirst for power he would never fully own, not here.

Suddenly Joss felt very uneasy, this wasn't like her house where only she really existed, this was a family home that had a perpetual drama playing out every day as each player pulled and pushed against each other in a constant need of gaining some kind of upper hand. This was the place where Billy sometimes feared to return, even if he'd never admit to that weakness out loud.

Billy let his hand slip from hers as he went out of view to what Joss assumed was the kitchen and returned a few moments later with two cans of ice cold beer. He handed one to her, and despite the fact Joss wasn't really thirsty, she accepted the offering and joined him in opening it, the rush of pressured air seeming loud in their continued silence. She took a large gulp and watched him a moment as he did the same, taking a longer and deeper drink, both evaluating each other's reactions.

Joss allowed her gaze to linger over the large room a moment more, lost for any words to say, too interested in gaining information, noticing all the small details of the place around her. It was surprisingly cosy, lots of feminine touches here and there and small knick knacks, lace table cloths and loud floral curtains. The wooden floor was cleaned to a lustrous sheen, it was obvious someone took pride in this place, it looked like a family home out of a glossy catalogue. Joss' eyes drifted back to the only out of place section, Billy's weights and bench, realizing now they had been pushed up against a far wall, taking up as little space as possible, like they didn't really belong in this homely paradise.

She studied it all again as she nonchalantly sipped at her beer, seeing little hints of the people who lived here, a middle school text book casually strewn on the coffee table, a set of women's golden earrings resting in a little glass dish, discarded in a moment of having better things to do than put them away. A man's jacket across the back of a chair, the style and colour certainly not Billy's taste. All signs of life, but Joss couldn't see anything that pointed to this being Billy's place, apart from those shoved aside weights.

Joss felt herself strain against trying to act like she wasn't having any of these thoughts, that she wasn't judging him or his life, or trying to gain some insight into his own inner workings, when she knew she was doing exactly that. And, he wasn't dumb, she could tell he was analysing every unguarded expression that rippled across her face.

"So, your room is?" Joss said casually, breaking the tension.

Billy thumbed over his shoulder to a door near the front door. "Max's is the one near the bathroom." He nodded in the direction he meant, towards the kitchen, where there were two other doors, one slightly ajar. "My old man and Susan are at the back of the house, which has its advantages."

"Advantages?" Joss said, feeling the warmth of their usual banter slowly coming back.

He tilted his head in a gesture for her to follow him and he led her towards his bedroom door, opening it with an easy air. He flicked a finger towards one of the big tall windows Joss had seen behind the porch. "Can't get out through that window, it's sealed shut, and that one," he flicked his finger in another direction, "drops out onto Susan's precious rose bushes."

"Oh?" Joss said, trying to put all this together in her head and not taking that last step fully into his bedroom, lingering in the doorway instead.

Billy rolled his eyes as if impatient for her to catch up. "If I don't want them to know I'm going out, or coming back late, I have to have an easy escape route, right?" He grinned. "So having a room right next to the front door while theirs is at the back has its uses." He raised his eyebrows up and down in open mischief.

"So," Joss took a composed sultry pose against the door frame, free hand running suggestively over the painted wood, "did you find out the hard way?"

"The hard way?" Billy said, looking bemused, but enjoying the open seductive teasing she was giving.

"About the rose bushes? Get a few thorns stuck in your ass?" Joss' nose bridge crinkled as she grinned.

This made him laugh and he side eyed her with a look that said he wasn't going to dignify that with an answer.

"I'll have to remind myself to check for scars next time I see you in your Birthday suit," Joss teased.

"So sure I'll give it up, Tanner?" he said with mock indignation. "Think I'm that easy?"

"I think you're pretty easy," Joss said, and laughed as Billy pretended to be wounded by her words, his hands going to grip a set of imaginary pearls at his throat before that easy flirtatious grin came back into place, his palm sliding down his chest in a subtle sensual movement that told Joss it was her body he wished he was touching in that moment.

"So, your dad never notices you've snuck out?" Joss said.

Billy huffed out a scoff of a laugh. "He still notices, but not every time." He brushed a fingertip against his nose as if sharing a secret. "I know a thing or two about stealth, too."

Joss let out a chuckle and rolled her eyes, because his recent actions at school had said the exact opposite, and her gaze caught the glint of metal high up on the door frame, making her do a double take; wait, was that a lock bolt? The thought jolted her out of all the good humour, the smile somehow staying frozen in place as that quick glance percolated into something more within her mind. It was on the outside of the door and there was no padlock, just a chunky large sliding metal pin. It didn't feel like an attempt of an older brother to keep his nosy sister out of his stuff, and that whole idea soured inside Joss' brain, making her smile feel more and more forced by the moment.

Joss felt that familiar uneasy wave wash over her as the very real idea cleared in her mind that there was a possibility that when his dad did notice Billy sneaking out, his punishment was to be locked inside his own room. She shivered, trying to tell herself she was being ridiculous and letting her imagination run away with her. Besides, what was she meant to do with that idea her stupid brain had made up, anyway? If she asked about it, Billy would only get annoyed at her prying and assuming things she really had no knowledge about.

Joss pushed that smile back upon her face and glanced over at him, sensing he was about to tell her to step on in to his lair, and suddenly a little spike of panic flared through her, she felt like she'd put herself completely off kilter.

"Hey, can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure," Billy said, with a suspicious raise of one eyebrow, and Joss could swear he knew she was stalling. "It's just down there," he pointed in the direction he'd indicated Max's room was, then reached out to take her beer can, and Joss pushed it into his hand all too eagerly, dumping her bag on his bedroom floor before turning and making for the bathroom without a backward glance.

She slowed her pace as her gaze caught a look into Max's room through the cracked doorway. A glance of a wicker bed frame and a desk fit to burst with magazines, along with various flashes of colours of bedding and fashionable curtains before Joss reached out for the safety of the bathroom door, closing it behind her and sliding the lock into place with a sigh of relief.

She pressed her back against the smooth solid cool wood a moment as she tried to catch her senses. Directly across from where she stood, was a large mirror, and reflected back at her was a girl that looked like she'd bitten off way more than she could chew. It was a stupid idea to come here, right into his own territory with grand plots of levelling things between them. She'd already given him so many advantages, leaving her completely caught off guard by freaking herself out, not seeing him as her playful opponent but as someone to pity and protect. That was never going to work, because at the first sign of weakness she knew Billy would take her down, unable to help himself chasing as the prey began to panic and run.

She took a deep breath through her nose and closed her eyes letting the coolness of this tiled room wash over her, feeling her nerves begin to steady. She was psyching herself out, that was the issue, with too many thoughts of Billy's life in this place. She'd come here with a purpose, hadn't she? Was she really going to wimp out when she could turn this whole situation in her favour? This was her chance to take control and begin to steer this whole mess into something that could become comfortable. Billy would be easy to sway here, because he already thought he had the upper hand, that the winner's medal was just a breath away. Joss could use that, and the fact that he'd feel at least relaxed enough in his own space for her to be allowed a little tug on the reins.

With another deep intake of breath Joss opened her eyes and glanced around her, only now noticing the salmon pink bathroom suite. She grimaced at the ugly colour, mildly thankful it wasn't a chocolate brown or avocado green, which reminded Joss all too vividly of things people often did within the privacy of their bathrooms. At least pink was a little less offensive, and she smiled at the knowledge that this had most likely been Susan's idea of a fashionable bathroom, just like those blaring colourful curtains in the TV room. The matching fuzzy rugs around the toilet and sink just made it all feel like a certainty. Imagining Billy being forced to use this as his own restroom also struck Joss as pretty damn amusing, maybe he wasn't so far away from all those pink frills he'd joked about after all. Picturing all this in her head made Joss completely let go of all her remaining anxiety, clearly able to see Billy's disgruntlement as he snatched at a wad of toilet roll, cursing Susan's name under his breath.

When Joss caught her own eyes in the mirror, she didn't look so lost and bewildered anymore and that bolstered her. Joss guessed it was just like Lori had told her when she'd had to give a big presentation to the class a few years back, imagining people doing everyday mundane things made the situation seem less daunting.

Joss brushed her hair back from her face, fussing with tidying herself a little before she washed her hands, gave herself one last encouraging look in the mirror and opened the door, finally ready to face what came next.

Chapter Text

Joss wandered breezily back into Billy's room with a relaxed appearance, accepting the beer that was offered as she soaked in the surroundings, and felt a smile come to her lips. This was pretty much exactly what she had expected, at least at first glance anyway. His bedroom was pretty sparse of personal decoration, only a few posters graced the walls; the red pentagram of Mötley Crüe's 'Shout At The Devil' and the bloody hammer of Metallica's 'Kill 'Em All' were most prominent. Half hidden behind a closet door she could just about see the three headed dog poster from Tank's 'Filth Hounds Of Hades' and felt mildly impressed at his obscure heavy metal knowledge.

On another open closet door was a poster of a scantily clad woman in a red animal print bikini. Her fire-hazard blond hair was teased to within an inch of its life and blowing backwards in a fan-induced wind as she struck a confident pose, hands on her hips. Her soft red-lipsticked mouth was open, ready for more, eyes engaging the watcher to look at exactly what they liked and enjoy it. Joss wished she had even a little of that easy sexual confidence.

Scattered around the room were various half open cassette tapes, boxes containing many more tapes, empty packets of Marlboro Reds and discarded beer cans. A few glass ashtrays were dotted around, but they were all full and a used plate had been commandeered to serve as a makeshift ashtray, the remnants of whatever meal it had once held crusted into brown smudges. It seemed Billy was a pot calling a kettle black, because Joss couldn't see any compulsion to keep this place clean. Outside his room everything was in its place, not a speck of dust to be found, even the hideous pink bathroom sparkled.

"Hmm," Joss mused, "so no frills that I can see so far, just some kinda gross habits."

Billy laughed, unfazed, enjoying her little attempts of jabbing at him for something he clearly didn't care about.

"Although, that pink bathroom, it's something," Joss said, pulling a face, and his own expression quickly mirrored her disgust.

"Jesus, it's ugly as fuck, right? It was normal when we moved here last year. Susan's idea, matches her roses." He strolled over to the smaller window and flicked a casual finger to the outside, his brow furrowing in disapproval before he shoved open the window, allowing some cooler breeze to rush in, moving the stagnant air inside the room towards something fresher.

"Must be like a jump scare every time you have to go in," Joss joked.

"Hungover and surviving on a few hours of sleep, it can be." He took another gulp of his beer and watched as Joss strolled a few steps over to glance out of the white venetian blinds. The roses were indeed a vivid shade of pink that almost matched the sickly Pepto Bismol bathroom suite. In front of the window sat his stereo system and speakers, a pretty sweet set up to Joss' limited knowledge of that kind of thing, it looked like he'd spent some serious cash on this. The user manual was pushed to one side, the edges curled and pages well thumbed through, as if he'd spent hours memorizing all the different settings to create the optimum sound.

Scattered around the stereo were discarded tapes like fallen soldiers and still feeling Billy's eyes upon her, Joss began to flip through a box full of tapes for a moment. It was filled with mixtapes of his own creation, as well as various albums, many obviously picked for the violent or shocking covers as well as for the good music within. She got more of an idea what kind of music he gravitated towards, angry heavier thrash metal seemed to be one he really enjoyed with bands like Tank, Exodus, Anthrax, Crucifix, Slayer, Metallica and Motörhead, many of which he had multiple albums of, but there was more upbeat metal and rock here too with the likes of Mötley Crüe, Ratt, Quiet Riot, Aerosmith and Val Halen. It would have taken Joss all day to discover all the bands he was into, there were so many albums and mixtapes, and she couldn't help wondering if among this vast collection she'd find anything that would surprise her.

Her hands paused for a moment as her eyes caught sight of an all too familiar glass candle placed casually beside the main stereo system, the blue and white coloured wax a little lull of pastel serenity in a room that felt, on the surface, to be made to repel. She noticed that the wick had at least been lit once, and smiled that he'd given her silly little idea a try, even if it hadn't stuck.

Her eyes and fingertips glanced across each album name on the cassette spines, noticing which songs he'd mixed together in his own concoctions, until she came to a blank white cover with nothing written upon it apart from two bold black inked letters: J.H.

Joss hesitated, her touch dithering across the hard plastic surface, her mind drifting to the fact that those two initials matched Jessica Hollis', the sweet rejected cheerleader he'd dated earlier that year. Joss' worst compulsions peeked into her thoughts, the rumours of other guys she'd heard of back in California making all kinds of gross secret recordings of the girls they were seeing. Would Billy really do that? Was this an audio sex tape? If she played it, would she hear something similar to the supposed real moans of pleasure on Donna Summer's 'Love To Love You Baby'? That song had always resulted in an awkward turning down of the volume in her parents' car as it reached the end, and Miss Summer's supposed climax.

"So, what's this?" Joss decided to go with a question over wallowing in her suspicion. "Very mysterious." She waggled her eyebrows, trying to play this all off as just a bit of fun.

"Shit," Billy said under his breath, and reached out for the tape with a quick snatching motion of his hand, and Joss jerked it playfully out of his grip on instinct, holding it close to her chest, a forced teasing smile upon her lips. Billy's eyes widened for a second, panic hinting somewhere within those normally so cool depths, before he instantly pulled down that mask of calmness again, his expression relaxing. "It's meant to be out in my car, I must have brought it inside by mistake." He held his palm out expectantly and Joss begrudgingly handed it over with only a slight tremor of reluctance, not wanting to believe her worst scenario was coming true, but he seemed genuinely unnerved by this little tape's appearance.

"How come?" she asked, as casually as she could.

Billy eyed her a moment as if he were deciding if she could be trusted with such salacious information. Joss suddenly didn't want to hear the answer and the air around them felt charged and heavy, the humidity oppressive, despite the cool breeze from the open window.

"It's Jimi Hendrix, my own mix," he said with a dismissive sniff.

"Oh?" Joss said, feeling a sudden rush of relief, as well as deep, toe curling embarrassment at her attempted assassination of his character. "Why doesn't it say so? Don't you lose it without anything to tell you what it is, apart from these two letters?"

Billy gave a dismissive shake of his head. "My old man, he doesn't like that kinda music played in the house."

"What kind of music?" Joss asked, her brow furrowing, because Billy had whole boxes full of thrash and heavy metal with dubious sexual and violent content, and even what some parents would deem so much worse, Satanic.

"Jimi's," Billy said as explanation, with a roll of a shrug, the action telling Joss he didn't want to go into it further. He placed the tape inside a nearby drawer, giving Joss a quick flash of the cover of a Penthouse magazine, which she didn't needle him on, not after her unkind thoughts of only seconds ago. She wasn't really surprised his choice of girly mag wasn't actually Playboy, even Joss knew Penthouse was way less stuffy and more explicit, she'd seen her fair share at her ex's place.

"Is it the whole drug thing? Too psychedelic?" Joss huffed a laugh out.

"Sure," Billy took another gulp of his beer and returned back to studying her, back to his usual nonchalance.

"I love Purple Haze, but I always thought that the lyrics were... kinda weird," Joss said, going back to the tapes a moment, her tone one of light conversation, trying to make up for her unwarranted thoughts about him by seeming carefree and chatty.

"Which lyrics?" Billy said, leaning forward a little, clearly interested.

"You know, the bit where he sings, 'excuse me while I kiss this guy'... it's just like, odd, the song's about a girl right? A love song, kinda. So who is this random dude, you know? I thought maybe he meant God or something, it's..." Joss' words drifted off as Billy's rolling laughter became louder, the sound almost musical. His smile was genuine and open.

"You're a space cadet, Tanner, truly. Hopeless," Billy said, grinning at her like she'd just told the funniest joke.

"Wait, that isn't what he sings?" Joss' expression was all naiveté which just made Billy laugh all the harder, eyes dancing with a soft amused light, it made him suddenly seem somehow unshielded, that smile would have made the sourest person on earth smile back.

"No, the sky, the fucking sky, you dunce," Billy said, the words hard but his tone playful, almost as if endeared to her mistake.

"Oh, okay, I guess that makes a lot more sense." Joss tried to hide the blush that wanted so badly to rush through her skin by turning her attention back to the tapes.

Billy was still smiling, finding this all highly amusing. "I'll let you off a little though, I heard on the grapevine he did used to sometimes sing other stuff, to mess with the audience. So, if you heard a bootleg, maybe you're right?"

Joss gave him a comically apologetic look. "No, I just had the regular album, sorry, guess I am a dunce."

"Guess you're my dunce," he said through another laugh.

Joss felt that flush turn into something exhilarating with those throwaway words, and tempered down the feeling by resuming looking through the tapes, distracting herself until she felt that sensation come back down to something she could bury. Finally she pulled out a cassette she guessed he had probably only purchased because of the scantily clad warrior woman on the cover.

"This album is great," she said, holding up the tape and waving it backwards and forwards in the air. "Do you mind if I put it on?"

"Go ahead." Billy gave a little flourish of his hand towards the stereo.

Joss slipped the cassette out of its case and into the deck, then pushed down on the play button. A sensual throbbing beat enveloped the room, the music easing any remaining tension, and allowing Joss to continue her exploration of the space in more comfort now the silence had been filled with something besides laughter and heavy looks.

A fold-out sofa was pushed haphazardly against the unused fire mantle, the surface covered with a few items of dirty laundry, including a pair of carelessly discarded balled up underwear.

"Gross," she said with a grimace, giving him a withering look.

"Didn't know I was gonna have company today." He took another gulp of beer, a condescending smile fluttering at his lips.

"Would you have put it all away if you had?" Joss said, with a raised eyebrow of accusation.

"Nah." He chuffed out a laugh. "Don't think I didn't see your panties all across the floor in your room."

Joss scoffed at him trying to gain superiority on this subject. "At least I had the manners to try and hide them!"

"Well, if my dirty laundry is a turn off, you know where the door is," he teased, his smile widening as all Joss had in reply was another sound of dismissal.

On the back of the sofa bed were various shirts and Joss assumed they were clean, as they all appeared pressed and ironed, if discarded carelessly and not upon hangers. Joss noticed she'd seen most of those shirts before, the red and denim ones with snap buttons, the effortless white shirt... the light blue was new though, or at least she'd never seen him wearing it. There was a silk formal tie too, a soft burgundy colour that didn't look like it had been worn at all.

Joss didn't know if Susan did all his laundry after it got to a point that couldn't be tolerated, or if Billy was the one that took care of his own clothing, but it at least seemed true that he looked after the stuff that he'd have to show to the outside world. Joss had to admit he did always look put together, his style and clothing all well thought out armor, but, in his own personal space Billy was a messy slob.

There were tell-tales of his anger here and there too, the flashes of irritability she so often saw ripple across his face. That venting taken out on a dartboard, all the darts haphazardly stuck into its surface as it leaned against the old fire mantle shelf, and Joss smiled again, noticing that one dart had clearly overshot its mark and now resided in the actual wall.

"Guess you missed," Joss said, frivolity in her voice, a finger pointing out the offending dart.

"Max, shit bird that she is, came barging in one day to tell me dinner was ready, lucky she didn't get one stuck in her."

Joss assumed he meant that out of shock, not at wanton violence against his step sister. "So, you don't cook your own food anymore?" she said, picking up on every tiny detail he let slip.

"Only when Susan isn't home. My old man likes us to eat as a family, whatever the hell that means."

Joss understood from his tone that he didn't see them as any sort of family, or didn't want to. "Is she a decent cook at least?" Joss needled.

Billy shrugged, obviously not wanting to give Susan any credit. "She's okay, gives me more free time to do my own stuff."

That sounded like a begrudging pass to Joss' ears.

"You let me know when you're done sticking your nose all up in my business, Tanner. Then we can actually start having some fun with those little rules you talked about."

Joss didn't need to look over, she could feel his eyes on her as he continued to drink his beer, evaluating her reaction in a way that once again reminded Joss of a hunter waiting for that right moment to pounce.

"This is all so fascinating, like a science experiment, you know?" Joss mused.

"So I'm your lab rat now?" Billy let out a rumble of a laugh, daring her to agree, to give him that inciting spark to finally begin his campaign of moving this into something assertively more physical.

"No, not just yet," Joss held up a hand, replying half-heartedly to his question and his unspoken threat within the same moment, stilling his clearly amorous intentions with the action. "I'll let you know when I'm done."

"Jesus," Billy murmured, taking another swig.

She took a small sip of her own drink as she noticed a makeshift stand comprised of a few old plastic crates. Now she'd had a pretty good look around, Joss knew what had been pricking at the back of her mind, Billy's room wasn't like the rest of the house. The furniture seemed scarce, scavenged even, and she didn't think it was a stylistic choice. In fact, compared to Max's room, it seemed positively bare, apart from that expensive looking stereo system. Was he just not into decorating his own space like Joss was? She supposed he had better things to spend his money on than posters and pretty trinkets, the amount of cigarette butts and empty beer cans easily told that tale.

Joss paused in her thoughts, because she'd never had to buy her own bedroom furniture, that kind of stuff was always taken to task by parents, so why did Billy's room really feel like he'd only just moved in here? Was it because he was ready to blow out of there at any moment once he'd got the cash together? Or was it something more uncomfortable that Joss didn't really want to linger upon? Like maybe his parental figure didn't see him as worthy of the effort.

Joss pushed those thoughts away. On top of the crates was something that served as a shelf with various haircare she was already well acquainted with, and a few aftershave bottles as well as an overflowing glass ashtray full of more half-smoked cigarettes. Joss could smell a distinct scent in the room that clung to him, that told her without a doubt this was Billy's space, and that was somehow comforting against all her anxiety of just what life he did have within these four walls.

The pungent aroma of cigarette smoke and strong cologne was nearly overwhelming, a smell that only a few months ago would have made her want to recoil and take a step back, repelled by the fumes hitting her square in the face. Now, it was something she could curl up in, familiar and somehow soothing, she smelt it so often on herself that she wasn't really sure where her own scent began and his ended.

She studied the stand a moment, her eyes and fingertips glancing across bottles of something called 'pour homme' by a brand Joss wasn't even going to try and pronounce out loud, and another bottle labelled 'aramis' that held a darker looking liquid. She pondered why everything on both cologne bottles was all in lower case letters, was it fashionable? She had no idea, she'd never even been near a perfume counter.

"Is this named after that horny wannabe priest in The Three Musketeers?" Joss said, tapping the bottle top with one finger.

"The hell is that? Wasn't that some campy historical movie from fifteen years ago?" Billy laughed.

"Yeah, it was, but originally it was a novel, written in like the 1800s or something."

"Huh," Billy grunted. "Maybe I saw it when I was a little kid. My mom liked that romantic historical shit with sword fights." A slightly annoyed look crossed his face. "I don't remember it though, too young." He took another gulp of his beer and that seemed to break him out of trying to recall things from a time he clearly didn't like thinking about. "So there's a guy who's a horny wannabe priest?" His usual smug smile was back in place.

Joss laughed. "Yeah, there is. He's pulled between wanting to be all pious but also liking a good buxom wench," Joss smirked.

"I can relate to one of those things." Billy gave her a flirtatious head tilt, his eyes raking across Joss' outfit, undressing her with his gaze. "What happens, then, he decide he liked the church or chicks more?"

"The church," Joss said, knowing he'd think that was hilarious, and he was smiling before the words had fully left her mouth.

"Fucking tragic!" he said with a grin, eyes glinting, and ran a tongue across his bottom lip before gesturing to the cologne bottle that had sparked the conversation. "It was a gift anyway, so I dunno who it's named after."

"A gift?" Joss' eyebrow rose in curiosity, his self-satisfied grin putting it all into place. "From a girl?"

"That older woman back in California. She wanted me to smell sophisticated or some shit. I use it, but the other one," he indicated to the 'pour homme' bottle, "it kinda hides when I've been smoking, so my dad isn't always on my case about wasting money."

Joss hummed out a laugh, finding his delusion somehow charming, because nothing could cover that lingering biting scent of cigarettes.

"You don't like it?" Billy said, and Joss thought she detected uncertainty there in the way his voice rose ever so slightly with the question.

She shook her head, a warm smile on her lips. "I like it. It's very Billy Hargrove," she said, spreading out her hands as if showing him his name in lights. When he gave out a little huff of amusement Joss allowed her eyes to wander over to the other cologne. Had he picked that one himself? Was one for dates and the other everyday? Which one was she so familiar with, or was it a mix of both?

Joss contemplated all the further tiny questions she'd never get to ask, because voicing them would make her sound like a crush struck teenager poring over her latest issue of Tiger Beat, wanting to know everything about her celebrity obsession. Joss cringed back from that feeling, that greediness of wanting so much more, reminding herself that was never the deal she'd made, this was all meant to be fun, not a fixation.

She looked over at him briefly, noticing his eyes still watching, waiting, and Joss enjoyed making him wait.

A long mirror was positioned above the shelf and she could imagine him vainly preening before it, getting ready for his day or his next date. How many times had he gotten ready when it hadn't even been her he was going to see? How many girls had he brought back here? The thought made her mood suddenly feel a little sour. Joss moved away from the reminder of all his potential conquests and, sipping her own beer tentatively, she glanced around, hoping her demeanour seemed detached to him, even if that wasn't how she really felt.

She wandered over to his bed, knowing this was now all making him restless as she inched them both closer to that longed for goal, the chase and build up feeling almost as exciting as that final moment of giving in to their baser instincts.

His bed had no frame and was pushed against one wall with a blind covered window above it, the big one that led to the porch, it was half covered by a thin sheet of material that had been messily pinned to the wall in replacement of curtains. Even so, it seemed a curtain rail still existed, and the remnants of a scrap of what looked to be fabric clung to it pathetically, as if it had been pulled down in a rage, or perhaps even a scuffle? Joss shook herself inwardly, not wanting to start going down that train of thought again.

"So, how does my castle measure up to yours?" Billy asked, finally breaking the charged silence, telling her with those words that his patience was done.

Joss glanced over at him, swaying her hips slightly to the music, flirting a little with her body, and pushed her hair back from her face with one hand, her laughter coquettish. "Kinda exactly how I imagined." She put the beer down, that last step a full signal that she was ready to take things further.

He shook his head, laughing too. "Guess I'll have to find other ways to surprise you." His eyes glinted with appetite.

"You like a lot of thrash metal," Joss stated, ignoring his lusty overtures and indicating to the various posters and his boxes full of tapes. "I tried getting someone into it, back in Cali, and they said it was 'angry dude' music."

He nodded in acknowledgement. "It is, great for letting off steam. You like some softer music, which is cool, I dig that." He hesitated over the next words as if playing with them, playing with her. "But I like it more dirty, underground, and hardcore." His tongue curled over his bottom lip, fully enjoying what he obviously thought was a witty innuendo, but which only made Joss roll her eyes and laugh.

"Is that what you call all the adult video tapes under your bed and girly mags in your drawer?" She cocked a mocking eyebrow at him.

He chuckled at her deflection, enjoying their little sparring match.

Billy abandoned his beer on his bedside table and slowly stalked towards her, his hands coming to her shoulders, but Joss shrugged off his touch, playfully moving a step back. He tried again, this time she swatted his hands away, moving out of his grasp with a twirl, enjoying the game as much as he did.

"Ah-ah," she chided, giving him a scolding look, mocking the tone he so often took with her. "You got to make all the moves last time, which means you aren't allowed to this time. I'm calling the shots, remember?"

He huffed out a contemptuous laugh and tried to reach for her again, Joss forcefully caught his hand, deflecting his touch, and with her palms against his chest, pushed him harshly backwards, making him stumble into a sitting position on the bed. He blinked up at her, just a little startled by her boldness, but the grin quickly crept back at the corners of his mouth, enjoying her spirit if not her actions.

"Lie back," she instructed, with narrowed eyes.

"Come on, Joss," he laughed, not taking her seriously at all. "You're gonna rile me up while you snoop around my room, then not let me get any relief? That's fucking cruel."

"I mean it," Joss said, crossing her arms impatiently, stating with that action that she would do nothing more until he obeyed. "Otherwise, I guess we can just sit and talk about all the historical shit you just love?"

"Fine," Billy said, and slowly lay back, his eyes dark, rebuking her.

Joss gave a satisfied smug smile. "Good, and if you're real good and do what I want, you'll get a real nice treat."

"What am I? Your fucking dog?" Billy said with a smirk, liking tugging that lustful tie between them again.

"Stop whining and lie back, think of God and country for a little bit, just until I let you pop."

His eyebrows flicked up in clear surprise at her own explicit sexual innuendo. "Now I'm champagne, huh? Girls just love saying guys talk about them like objects, but here you are comparing me to booze and mutts."

Joss smiled but didn't reply and moved to grab the silk tie she'd noticed earlier and pulled out a bandanna from her jacket pocket. She came to kneel on the bed and grabbed his wrists together, pulling them above his head, before he could protest, twisting the tie material into makeshift bonds.

"What are you doing?" He laughed, but Joss could detect a little note of apprehension which made her feel a satisfying flicker of power.

"Stay perfectly still," she insisted, "hands above your head, or this game is over."

He let out a deep sigh of frustrated relent before relaxing back again, but Joss could see his muscles were still tense and she found his discomfort thrilling.

She moved the bandanna towards his face and he flinched away, blue eyes suddenly steely and distrusting, indignation expressed through a frown. Joss let out a breath of laughter. "Don't worry, I'm not a serial killer." He seemed disinclined to believe her. "Trust me, you'll like it, I promise," she said, using his own so often spoken words against him, but his face remained unmoved, his brow drawn into that same disapproving furrow. "Okay, fine," Joss said with puff of relent. "If you don't like it you can just say..." Her mind grasped for anything appropriate to use. "Musketeer!" She grinned with elation at her own idea. "You say it, I stop. No questions, no judgment." Billy's frown was still in place "Unless, you're, you know, too chicken shit to let a girl blindfold you?"

That worked and he rolled his eyes, a grin of ridicule touching his lips, eyes gleaming with the challenge. "Just, nothing too 'you' weird, okay?" Billy said with a hint of warning.

"Well, I guess that depends what you mean by weird," Joss said with a blithe smile, and a muscle in Billy's jaw jumped in displeasure. "Oh come on, I'm joking, it'll be fun, I promise, just let me..." She held up the bandanna in silent request and Billy let out a deep sigh through his nose.

His eyes skimmed across her face for a second, uncertain, and then his gaze glinted with something devilish. "If I do this, next time it's my turn." He drew his bottom lip into his mouth, teeth grazing skin, and Joss knew to agree was to damn herself to whatever fate he deemed. "When I say jump, you say how high." His grin was full of sardonic delight.

"As long as it's not 'you' weird," Joss taunted. "No chaining me to a chair or piling me into your trunk," she joked.

Billy's eyes were still glittering. "Careful," he warned, his look darkening with so many sensual threats that Joss almost lost her cool momentum, "giving me some great ideas. Something like a desecration of a saint-"

"Yeah, yeah." Joss wasn't going to let him finish that idea. "Try and freak me out all you want, this is still happening my way." Joss gave him a look that said that he had to agree before they continued this fun little game.

"Fine," he relented, and Joss grinned, tying the material in place at the back of his head. She waved a hand past his face a few times to see if he could see anything but he didn't react.

"So, what now?" he asked, moving his body slightly to get comfortable back on the mattress.

"Just listen to the music and let go, let me be your captain, ready to steer your boat into some uncharted waters," Joss said with a muffled snicker, knowing he'd dislike that.

He let out another frustrated sigh. "That sounds 'you' weird, Tanner."

"Shut up and just relax." Joss unclipped her hair and shrugged off her jacket, letting it fall carelessly to the floor as she remained silently watching him, noticing the tension in his brow as he tried vainly to guess what her next moves would be. With a sensual lithe movement she moved herself onto the bed on all fours, stalking up his body like a huntress on the prowl until she had straddled his hips and pressed a finger to his mouth as he tried to voice some new form of protest.

She bent her head, lips finding his neck, making him suck in a soft breath at the unexpected contact, and Joss remained intent in her task, her kisses tracing paths down his throat, to his chest, where she deliberately flicked each button of his shirt undone, every newly exposed section of skin getting its own share of attention. She allowed her long hair to brush, ticklish and teasing, against his chest as she worked, taking back power by using everything he'd used against her to tantalize him. She could feel him beginning to squirm under her intense scrutiny and she enjoyed his discomfort, it was like getting payback.

As she continued her trail of teasing she ground her hips down onto him, dipping, grinding against the thin material barriers of cotton and friction of thicker denim, provoking with firm strokes and then away, letting out her own little soft sounds of enjoyment to spur his into being. She heard his breath hitching as she deliberately tried to drive him crazy and knew she was slowly but surely succeeding.

"Joss." It was more a moan than her name, and she bent and kissed his lips hard, not stopping in her attentions, hips rolling and continuing to move in that slow rhythmic motion of frustrating pressure. She could feel him instantly harden beneath her, his arousal controlled by her own movements, defenceless to what she was doing to him. He tried to move his arms around her, but she pushed him back, holding his arms above his head with a forceful grip. "Come on," he whispered in between her unrelenting intense kisses, "you've had your fun."

Joss smiled against his lips. "I'm just starting. Don't move," she warned.

He let out another harsh sigh of frustration but did as she asked. Her hands deftly undid his buckle and then the button and fly of his jeans, pulling them off completely, leaving him bare from the waist down save for his socks, which made her giggle under her breath at the sight. He suddenly didn't seem like he was such a impossible hill to overcome, not if she knew exactly how to turn him into a ball of clay in her own hands.

"This is starting to feel a little unfair," he protested, but she quickly silenced him with a sharp nip against his hip bone, making him start and gasp from the unexpected contact. He sighed again, as if only just tolerating all this play.

She lingered across his stomach, slow soft kisses that dragged her bottom lip across his naked skin in a way that she knew he'd find torturous, because it was exactly the same play book he'd used on her. Without giving him any warning she took his length in her mouth and he started again, his whole body giving a little shudder. Joss felt him tighten all his muscles as if he was holding back and she used that moment to drive him to the edge with her hands and tongue, another move he had so often done to her. His breathing hitched and suddenly he was making a small gasping sound at the back of his throat. She could see him fighting it too, that edge, his hands balling into fists as he tried to control himself. She drew fully back, watching him a moment, not allowing him the release she could clearly see he was now aching for, because Billy getting his way was not on any cards tonight.

Joss removed her underwear with a sensual move of her fingers, dangling them before his unseeing face with glee for a moment, seeing how tightly his jaw was clenched, his lips pressed into a thin line, nostrils flaring as if he was determined not to break, then she kissed up his exposed tense body again, straddling him once more and set back to her rhythmic thrusts. He realized quickly that all the barriers between them were gone and sucked in a breath at the sensation, at her own clear arousal, skin meeting skin now as she continued the silken gliding torment. He began to writhe underneath her as she denied him what he wanted again and again, pulling him forcefully to that edge over and over with only the tease of having her fully, and then stilling and cutting all contact just as his breathing began to get fast and wild, never allowing him to fall fully over. Joss pushed his hands back every time he tried to gain back any kind of control, and in reply his hips started rolling uselessly against her as she took all the power she could take back from him. She enjoyed every moment, taking delight in the trickle of sweat that formed at his temple and pooled in the hollow of his throat.

"Fuck," he breathed, after she'd repeated this pattern for a fourth time, and Joss smiled, bathing in the vanity of just how much she was affecting him.

"Hmm?" she questioned, pausing her task for a moment to kiss the side of his mouth. "I can't hear you."

"FUCK!" he snapped, his voice brimming with resentful lust. "Okay, Joss!"

"Louder," Joss commanded, resuming her rhythm once again, her tone and actions telling him she could go one like this all day.

"Fuck you!" he spat lowly, and Joss laughed, enjoying his useless rebellion and frustration.

"If you say it louder, ask just that little bit sweeter, I'll end it, give you just what you want, just say it!" She whispered hot and soft into his ear as she moved against him, deliberately and slowly dragging out the connection, and his mouth opened and closed in silent distress for a few seconds.

"What the fuck am I meant to say?!" He did sound almost desperate and Joss smirked, loving each cruelly prolonged second of this.

"Just tell me how bad you want it."

"What?!" he panted, like this was the most unreasonable request he'd ever heard.

"Just say it, and you can have it," Joss taunted.

"I want it," he mumbled and Joss chuckled, finding his stubbornness highly amusing.

"Oh," Joss said with a breathy teasing tone. "That doesn't sound sincere at all. You're gonna hurt my feelings." She paused and then, smirking, drew out the connection again. His lips opened and closed once more in useless voiceless need, body shuddering.

"Fuck, Joss! I want it, okay!" He shouted the words out and Joss gave him a little wiggle as reward which made him grunt and let out a few fast breaths.

"Just, a little louder," she encouraged starting her rhythm again, but more teasing and light this time.

"FUC..." His voice rung out in the stillness of the house but she didn't let him finish, she plunged downward, granting him what he wanted and causing whatever he was going to say to dissolve into a wordless cry that could have been fury or gratification.

She kept a slow pace to the drumbeat of the song, still denying him any release from the aching slow rhythm she wanted to set, which just made him writhe all the harder, hips bucking and loud moans and little breathless 'fuck's escaping his lips, and Joss found this sent her quickly to that overwhelming ledge of precipice where it would be so easy to dive over and lose herself completely.

The control, the power was what she longed to feel again around him and she could feel her body losing the fight to desire, finding a faster beat of its own as it greedily searched for that sweet ascent of self indulgence. She found she was softly moaning too, her hands let go of his, unable to keep up the pretence of full authority, sensuous fingertips glancing against her own body, into her hair, enjoying this position of giving them both such intense sensations.

Before Joss had time to fully understand she'd let her guard down too far, Billy had taken that moment of vulnerability, his teeth upon the material at his wrist, freeing them, his fingers ripping the bandanna from his eyes and his arms were then around her, forcing their bodies to switch positions, placing himself once again fully back in dominion as he hiked her knees over his shoulders, leaving Joss no choice but to grasp at the material of his open shirt for some kind of balance. His tongue flicked out as he gave her a self-satisfied grin, his fingertips digging callously into her thighs, his eyes telling her that this battle was won, but not finished, he was going to defeat her completely. That taunting arrogant expression told her she was going to enjoy every moment of her dethroning too and, God, she wanted it and hated him.

Joss felt her breath catch as he slowly slid all the way into her, showing her mercilessly how deep he could go, leaving her clutching at his shirt for any kind of relief, whimpering softly as he filled her until it almost felt too much. He repeated that same pattern over and over again as Joss huffed out breathless gasps. When he deemed that had been revenge enough, he began a new tactic without any warning or tenderness, he roughly rammed into her, over and over again, until Joss couldn't quite believe it was her making those noises that sounded so much like screaming. The intense feeling hovering somewhere between pleasure and pain, her composure completely forsaken with each deep deliciously agonizing pulse of feeling that his brutal onslaught caused. Then the shuddering feeling was there, crashing over her with an intensity that made her feel like it would crush her, her hands fisting into his shirt uselessly, trying to find something solid to grip onto as he took her to that edge and pushed her gleefully over. Her grip finally slackened as the pleasure faded to a dull throbbing between her legs, too spent to put up any more resistance, her whole body tingling as she gasped pathetically for air.

Just as she felt she couldn't take any more, too sensitive to allow him to continue, the word 'Musketeer' bubbling to her lips, he let out a cry, burying his head into her neck, his body rigid and still, and then all that reached her hearing was their ragged breathing and a high pitched ringing in her ears as her body and mind tried to unravel from each other. They both remained still for what felt a very long time, a tangle of limbs, their chests heaving against each other. A wisp of summer air from outside fluttered against the blinds, causing them to clatter, and the cooling breeze reached Joss's skin, the sensation causing her arms to dimple in goose flesh.

Finally he moved and she suppressed the urge to let out a small cry as they became disconnected. He took a moment to pull on his jeans, flicking the buckle back into place as he ran a hand through his damp hair.

Slowly Joss sat up, pushing her skirt back down, concealing herself, somehow suddenly ashamed. In that moment she wasn't really sure how she really felt apart from shaky, vulnerable and resentful. The first chance he'd had to have power over her, he'd harshly and happily taken it. It didn't feel like such a fun game anymore.

He returned back to his beer and downed the remaining contents in a few gulps, as she sat slightly stunned on the bed. He walked over to the mirror, primping himself for a moment.

"Why don't you come hang out with me at school tomorrow? Let's stop playing around," he said, his eyes connecting with hers through the mirror's reflection, the gaze and words saying he'd won this match fair and square and now she had to concede.

Joss felt that statement like a jolt to her system, they both understood with perfect clarity what that would mean, fully and publicly acknowledging they were together. Her hands slid up her upper arms, trying to ease the chill she felt on her skin. "I don't think I'm ready for that," she said softly, her hand grabbing for her discarded jacket.

"You can wear that cute little skirt, the denim one, you know, be yourself," he said, ignoring her words.

"Be how you want me to be, you mean?"

He turned to look at her fully, his expression suddenly brimming with aggressive annoyance, like she had cheated and gone back on an agreement they'd never had. "Come on, Joss, this game is getting a little childish, don't you think? Let's rip the damn band aid off and get this over with."

She narrowed her eyes, hearing the insult he meant in his words. "Why does it feel like this whole 'let's tell everyone' is really you just stamping my ass with 'Billy Hargrove's property'!" she hissed.

He reached for his cigarettes, lighting one up, his eyes never leaving her, and she could almost read every condescending thought he had about her right then and there. "I don't see why being my girl is such a turn off for you," he said with such carelessness that Joss felt the anger slam against her all at once.

She threw up her hands in annoyance and pushed herself from the bed, making with quick strides to the door, but he caught her arm before she could reach it. He pulled her roughly towards him, the action stating clearly in Joss' mind that she was his property whether she thought so or not.

"No," her voice was full of bitterness.

He laughed with a mocking cruel edge and let her go, pushing her away from him. "You're a fucking tease," he said, blowing out a cloud of smoke towards her.

"And you're a fucking pig!" Joss spat, grabbing her bag, and she was out the door before he had chance to catch hold of her again.

As she marched down the hallway she noticed someone sitting on the sofa, watching the TV and they turned at her angry sudden footsteps. Max stared back at her, and in that moment Joss knew from reading the young girl's sarcastic amused expression that she'd heard more than enough through the thin walls. Joss paused only a moment before hearing Billy start after her.

"Joss, wait," he called, but she didn't, and she was out the front door and down the steps before he could stop her.

Chapter Text

Joss came into school on Thursday morning feeling like a month had passed since yesterday at Billy's house. She felt heavy and tired, one lesson in and she was ready to call it a day. She tried to tell herself it was the oppressive heat, but in truth she was having trouble wrestling with the way things had gone between her and Billy.

She'd wanted the encounter to be sexy, fun and a little risqué, she'd wanted him to have fun too, but it felt like he hadn't, not until he'd flipped the situation to be fully under his control. It had felt spiteful, like he'd wanted her to know she couldn't ever win, that she would never best him. Joss didn't feel she could take the high ground either, because it wasn't like she hadn't enjoyed it. She was aware she could have told him to stop at any point, called him a asshole and walked out, leaving him fully unsatisfied and reprimanded, but she hadn't wanted to because it had felt so good, now, looking back on what had happened, it also felt cruel.

She knew she could finally sever whatever this was between them with a few sharp words, and yet those words never made it from her lips, because selfishly Joss didn't want it to stop, and that felt cruel too, to herself or him, she wasn't even sure. She felt pulled in two directions, like she was letting him down with her own self-fulfilling choices, and at the same exact moment feeling that he was playing her like a well-tuned guitar. That constant second guessing everything was draining.

Joss often wondered if any of their deep conversations mattered to him in the same way they mattered to her? Did he care at all about her own feelings and experiences, or was this really just one challenge after the next, pushing and pushing with gentle pressure until she caved to whatever he desired?

Her two-minded thoughts did her no favours because even though she'd tried to create emotional distance between them, Joss did care about him. She cared that his home life was sometimes shitty. She wanted to be there for him, as a friend at the very least. She wanted to shake him and have him snap out of this macho controlling bullshit he used as a shield, and be the person she knew was in there somewhere, the one that laughed at her jokes and shared his opinions on music, the one that smiled that spontaneous bright smile and let his mask slip a few inches. Or perhaps it was just the person she wished him to be? Deluding herself she saw flashes of something reaching and gasping underneath all the bravado. Was she fooling herself? Was she just another Jessica trying to fit him into her own perfect guy mould? Was that really any different to him trying to mould her into what he wanted? Maybe they were both pushing each other too far and now it felt like it was coming to a cliff, and she had a choice, stay and deal with feeling constantly trapped by expectations, or drive over the edge and be finally free.

Frustratingly, Joss still had no answers as to what she really wanted. It was always the same, they talked, they lusted, they argued, then came the power plays, and she was left trying to piece any of it back together so it made sense. But, it never did. Why she kept going back, why she wanted to go back. Like a moth, too stupid to understand that fire burned, she flew right back into the flames.

She knew she was relying heavily on the one stark fact that whatever this was had an expiration date, and maybe that was why she allowed so much to slide, because ultimately it wouldn't really matter what happened in Hawkins, once she'd left it far behind.

Those next few hours passed by in a blur of classrooms and hard revision, as the teachers began to get every student to an acceptable level of being in with a good chance of passing the upcoming exams. She didn't look for Billy, and she wasn't really sure if that was because she honestly didn't want to see him, or she didn't want to confront the possibility that what had happened between them at his house was messed up.

By half way through the day she'd made it without seeing Billy as more than a distant silhouette in hallways, but when English class came, he was there sat at his desk, ready to take the mock exam the teacher had set them, and Joss had to walk past him to get to her own seat.

Joss had managed to avoid confrontations all these weeks by being early, being in her seat at the back of the classroom well before anyone else, that was how she'd survived. Today she'd been sloppy, allowing her thoughts to wander as she ate her lunch, hiding out on the stairs that led down to the school's large basement. By the time she realized she'd been sat there daydreaming for thirty minutes, the bell had rung and here she was, in another mess.

Billy had his foot stuck out an angle, blocking the only path she could take without walking a ridiculously long way around the front and side of the classroom, drawing unwanted attention to her strange antics. She furrowed her brow at that foot, wanting to kick it out of the way but knowing she wouldn't dare, not in a room full of people. Maybe she'd kick him later, at least that thought felt satisfying, even if it didn't solve any of her problems right now. She dithered, hoping vainly that he'd notice her and move, that he'd at least give her the grace of not causing a scene, but he didn't, too engrossed in whispering something into a girl's ear Joss vaguely knew as Tina, who was sat in the next seat over, in fact they looked positively cosy.

"Excuse me," Joss said after time had crawled by for a few seconds with no change, and hated how meek and timid she sounded.

"Watch out Billy, you gotta mouse squeaking at you!" Tommy said with a boom of laughter, patting Billy on the shoulder, interrupting whatever intimate conversation he'd been having.

Billy casually started and glanced over at Joss, a quick brush of tongue over lips as he took her in, head to toe, evaluating her worth, and that look felt physical, personal, but he didn't say anything biting. He let out a sigh like this was a major inconvenience for him and slowly pulled his foot back in, and allowed her to pass with a mocking smirk and sweeping chivalric gesture of his hand, making fun of her, like he didn't know her at all. Tina let out a little giggle and Joss moved to her seat as quickly as she could. Joss didn't know if he'd stuck his foot out knowing she'd have no other choice but to stop and face him, or if he'd completely forgotten she existed.

She settled into her seat at the back and watched him in short snippets of secret glances, finding her thoughts drifting to who exactly was the real Billy Hargrove? This one now sat joking and confidently bantering, not a care in the world, flirting with anyone willing to play along, or the guy that she hung out with, the one that touched her with such distinct intent that it made her feel like she was the only thing that mattered in that moment. The guy whose smile felt intimate and set her alight every time it was directed at her, those lips telling her private secret things, things that sometimes contradicted everything Joss' eyes now saw before her.

Joss couldn't help noticing the people around him were engaged, captivated even, because he always had that magnetic pull, his smile charming even the primmest student. Everyone at school knew he had a temper, knew not to mess with him, that he could be real mean, but to his friends he was the perfect popular guy, charismatic, carefree and always ready for a rumble. He had a different mask to put on for every occasion: the dynamic cool bad boy around his peers, the vicious bully to those he saw as less than him, and the the polite rogue to teachers and adults. Joss had never seen him swear or argue back to anyone in adult authority, even when he was in trouble. He could be sneakily sarcastic but he was never rude or disrespectful, not to their face anyway. He took detentions and reprimands on the chin as if it didn't bother him, but if one of his classmates talked to him without respect, that was just the justified ignition he needed to start a fight.

He easily gained the trust of adults because of this tactic, it's why he'd come across that job at the community pool so easily. He exuded an aura of confidence and presence and that fooled everyone that everything was fine, normal, that he wouldn't pop like a cork under pressure when he knew no one was watching, or at least no one that mattered.

Joss had seen him take out his role as a bully on those he deemed weaker, now she assumed it was a different kind of stealth, a way to let out all that pent up anger. He'd go from casually punching someone in the stomach to wrapping an arm around them as if they were the best of friends, just joking around at the first hint of adult discovery.

When he did act out he always had a cover of plausible deniability, like with Trish at the fountain. Billy had done the damage but he'd passed it off onto one of the freak kids and he'd been believed so easily. When he got caught fighting, they'd only been horse playing around. To the adults around them he was a bit of a teenage rebel with attitude, but ultimately harmless. To their minds a few stern words and detentions would straighten him out, he was just a kid after all, but they didn't understand him at all, and maybe Joss didn't either, she wasn't sure anymore. He had so many sides that it often felt like a gamble which one she'd find next time she talked to him.

She did know one thing and that was he only let loose his anger when he could win, when he knew it wouldn't get back to anyone that mattered, like his dad. His emotions were always a pressure cooker, released against those that he knew wouldn't tell on him, or had no one to tell. Joss supposed she was among that crowd too, that's why he felt safe letting his guard down just a little around her.

Joss was starting to understand just how much he buried all of it inside, how much he wore that mask, rarely losing full control, just letting the anger out in little bursts of secret rebellion. She could only assume if he allowed his emotions to rule him, his dad would come down on him like a ton of bricks. So, Billy kept a strangle hold on all those pent up things he kept trying to bury, he had to, it was self-survival. Perhaps that was the main reason he couldn't let go of the reins of power with her, because he already had so little control over other aspects in his own life. The thoughts softened all her anger at what had happened yesterday, even though she knew he didn't really deserve the empathy, and that made her feel annoyed with herself for being too lenient.

Joss knew, she could try and puzzle him out all day, it didn't make what had happened between them feel any less messy or complicated, but she wanted to understand him so badly, because it would give her endless excuses as to why it was still somehow okay to continue this between them, despite how shaken each new push of those boundaries made her feel.

She returned her eyes back to her paper, letting her thoughts run over her, until the room became silent of the whispered talking of her classmates and the teacher began to speak. The questions of the mock exam pushed everything else out and Joss forgot reality for a little while.

/

Joss was grateful when the end of the day came. Three more weeks and she would be done with this whole place and then, she really could get out of here. It still didn't feel real, like it was an illusion of a lush oasis to a thirsty wanderer, ready to vanish just as it felt like she would be saved.

"Joss, wait up!"

Joss felt her shoulder muscles tense, she wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, even Lori, but that didn't magically mean she could disappear and avoid her social commitments.

"Hey Lori, what's up?" Joss said, trying to muster some enthusiasm.

"I've been looking for you all day, you weren't anywhere at lunch, where'd you get to?"

Joss shrugged, knowing she'd spent all her free time hiding out in places most people didn't bother going, like those basement stairs. "I was around."

Lori gave her a measured look. "I've put off asking you 'cause you didn't seem to want to talk about it, but you've been acting off since that whole gift buying thing the other weekend. I'm going to guess things didn't go great with Jerry?"

Joss shook her head vaguely. "Didn't go great," she said with another shrug.

"Are you guys through?"

Joss considered the question and knew there was a simple answer. "I don't think we were ever really together."

"So, right now you are single right?"

Joss gave another shrug, realizing she was relying on that same gesture to make it look like this wasn't a big deal. "I guess." Joss' senses suddenly rippled, regretting those careless words. "Why?" She didn't want her voice to rise with the question, but it did, a hint of anxiety there now.

"Okay, so, you are totally free to go to a party with me, right?"

"Wait? A party? Lori, no, I-"

"Please? I know it's a massive favour to ask you, but I never ask you for anything, so you really can't say no."

Joss was a little taken aback, Lori had never been so intense with her before and it struck her as suddenly amusing. "You ask for my notes all the time!" she protested, struggling against the smile that wanted to form on her lips.

"This isn't about notes, this is about a real favour."

Joss stuck her tongue into the side of her cheek, not appreciating her hard work being compared so unfavourably. "Okay, so what is this big favour?"

"You heard about the leaver's party after Prom tomorrow night?"

"Oh no, Lori, I can't, that's not-" Joss was starting to feel more uneasy by the second.

"I need you to come with me," Lori demanded.

"I'm working," Joss said flatly.

"You can get the night off for just this one time, right? You never miss a single night of work, your boss must think you're an angel."

"Hardly." Joss shifted the books in her arms. "Besides, I already asked him for half of Saturday off, there is this band I'm going to see and-"

"I promise, we won't be late and you won't be too tired for Saturday, I'll even shout you lunch! Please, Joss?"

"Can't you just go with Meg?" Joss didn't personally know the girls Lori hung out with, but she did know from Lori's constant chatter of sleep overs and girl's nights out that Meg was possibly her closest friend. "You know it's not really my jam."

"Meg's parents are only letting her go to Prom, they are really strict. Come onnnn!" Lori stuck her bottom lip out. "There is this guy I have the biggest crush on and he actually asked me to go after! I can't go alone, right? I'll look like a total loser!"

"Oh, so this is a real life or death situation?" Joss mocked.

"It kinda is, come on, it's not like I'm asking you to go to actual Prom, just the party after. I promise I'll find you someone cute to hang out with. I hear there will be some guys coming from other high schools too, lots of fish for you to catch."

Joss shook her head. "I'm not a big fan of fishing."

"Pretty please with extra sprinkles and whipped cream on top?" Lori tugged on Joss' arm determinedly and with such a pathetic expression that Joss felt her will start to loosen. She sucked a breath past her teeth in annoyance, really disliking how cornered she felt, because she was aware how unfair it would be to say no. Lori had made time for her recently and it was only right Joss returned the favour, plus it didn't feel awful to be the Saviour to Lori's problems.

"Okay," Joss said finally, making a face that showed just how playfully displeased she was. "I guess I can't let you be the biggest loser there."

"Yes!" Lori did a little fist pump. "I knew you wouldn't let me down."

"How could I?" Joss hissed out the words, making Lori giggle.

"Come on, I'll buy you a Coke to say thanks." Lori began to walk down the hallway, leaving Joss to follow sluggishly in her trail.

"You spoil me," Joss said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Chapter Text

Joss' boss, Gus, had been surprisingly okay with her taking the Friday evening off, even at such short notice. She'd anticipated some push back, maybe even hoped for it, but it seemed Lori's words of her being viewed as some kind of 'angel' held a grain of truth. Gus saw her as a good employee, and all those times she'd taken on extra shifts or come in when other staff couldn't, had paved her way to being given some leeway. As long as Mark was happy to close Friday and Saturday, Gus had no problem with Joss leaving early, and Mark didn't mind giving her the break because Joss had always closed, even before he was hired on. So, Joss was now fully trapped into attending her first ever high school party in Hawkins.

Joss didn't know if she felt appreciative or disappointed about it all, but she admitted some part of her wanted to see Billy too, outside of Hawkins High and outside of their secret trysts. She was curious what he was like around others without the school rules dictating his behaviour, no adult supervision, and more to focus on than just her and their constant push and pull.

Billy had often playfully chided her before that curiosity killed the cat, and Joss knew that could prove to be true to her subsistence in this town if she was spotted by him. So, she just had to stay under the radar and stick by Lori for a few hours. She could observe everything from a safe distance and continue her usual theme of drawing no attention to herself. That felt easy, she'd been doing it for years, and Billy would probably be too mellow and drunk on spiked punch from Prom to even notice her presence, or at least that was her optimistic plan.

Joss also knew she was being reckless going to this party at all, and she wasn't sure if she was taking the risk because of her loyalty to Lori, or her aching infatuation with Billy. She felt somewhat proud of herself for calling it by the name it was, a strange intense obsession. Joss often found herself wondering if Billy was experiencing some form of this feeling too, this magnetic pull towards each other, because why else would they keep playing this game of chicken? Whoever folded or flinched first would be the loser, and they both seemed determined to win. Joss had an unpleasant feeling that the race for gold was where the thrill lay, and the winning was just an outcome that would mean the lacklustre end of whatever this was between them.

She acknowledged, on some level, that she was walking into this party with the potential of poking the bear right in its natural habitat, just as Billy had done when he had come up to her at school in front of everyone. And maybe she wanted to, just to see what he would do. That seemed like far too bold a thought for a girl who couldn't even look most people in the eye, afraid they'd discover what a fraudulent façade she'd been trying to show the whole world all this time.

The reality of how tonight would really go was far less intrepid, and Joss knew it. At some point in a lull of the party she would slip away from Lori and that claim of loyal friendship, unable to stop the urge to seek him out. She would find somewhere quiet and hidden and she would sit watching him for hours if she let herself, fascinated by the person she knew so intimately, while at the same time feeling he was still a complete stranger. She would secretly observe him from that well chosen hiding spot, tormenting herself, hoping for something real, for him to find her in the sea of faces and bring sudden relentless rain into her dried up life; all the while knowing she was terrified of those ocean eyes falling on her and discovering her, and instead of being saved, she'd drown.

/

Lori pulled up in her car around nine. Joss had made an effort to look nice, nothing flashy, and not her usual style, but something she thought would make her at least fit in and become just another body in the crowd. She'd raided her mom's closet and found a suitable silky black, off the shoulder dress, with big puff sleeves and a short tight skirt. The finishing touch was a large bow at the back, the long tails skimming over her backside.

She'd styled her hair big and teased, her new skill of finger coiling on full display, the resulting mass of hair secured into a half up-half down high ponytail with a bow that matched her dress. Joss had tried to keep her makeup simple, a bit of mascara with a pink lip and cheek, hoping it was bland enough so she'd melt into the background. Examining the result in the mirror, she hadn't really looked like herself, and she hoped that would be enough of a disguise. Most people would assume she was from another school, just dropping by for the big party.

"Am I too dressed up?" Joss asked, getting into the car carefully, making sure her skirt remained in place, so as not to reveal the fingerprint bruises that lingered as tell-tale dirty secrets across her upper thighs.

"No, you look great," Lori beamed, "like you're going to a sexy cocktail party."

"That sounds way over dressed for a leaver's party," Joss groaned.

Lori was still wearing her Prom dress, which was an electric blue in colour, the puffy tulle skirt a dipped hem style. The ruffled neckline made her look somewhat like a red haired flamenco dancer, but it suited her fun personality perfectly.

Lori struggled a moment with the gearstick, a metal grinding sound filling the car. "Whoops, it's temperamental, give it a second," she said lightly, her face locking into a determined scowl as she forced the stick where she wanted it to go with a grunt of effort, and another disturbing clash of abrasive scraping came from somewhere deep within the car, which made Joss wince. "Come on you piece of junk," Lori said, before giving a carefree smile towards Joss as the engine revved. "See, it just needs some tough love." They began to drive. "Besides, everyone will still be in their fancy stuff from Prom," Lori said, returning to the previous conversation. "No one will notice if you look dressed up or not," she reassured with a warm smile.

Joss hoped that was more true than Lori knew. "How did it go? Prom I mean?" she asked, casually checking her lipstick in the flip down mirror on the car's sun visor.

"Just what you'd expect, teachers buggin' out that couples were dancing too close, while completely oblivious to the fact that the punch had been majorly spiked. Like that stuff was ninety percent proof or something, I had one sip and stuck to a soda for the rest of the night. I only plan to get tipsy at the party, not before driving there."

Joss soaked the information in. So, Tommy Hagan had gotten to that punch bowl just as promised, that was good, that meant things were playing out exactly as they should. Billy would at least be buzzed and too distracted to see her easily in the throng of people, especially since he knew she'd rather watch paint dry than attend any kind of high school party. Or at least he thought he knew her that well, and that made her smirk, which Lori took as a reaction to her punch bowl story.

"Any sloppy drunks?" Joss pried, still patting at her make up.

"No, but certainly some drunks. Jenny Wright ended up falling over while dancing and blamed it on her date pushing her when the teachers got involved. Billy Hargrove blackmailed Karl to play some freaking loud metal music-"

"How do you know Karl was blackmailed?" Joss interrupted, and hated how much she felt like a white knight, ready to defend Billy's every choice, even though she knew he didn't deserve any of her protecting, because he often did exactly what he was accused of.

"Because Karl Hinderman is not going to play anything remotely detached from the Billboard Hot 100 unless he's been forced at fist point, or under threat of someone telling everyone he actually watched Sixteen Candles on repeat, imagining he was kissing handsome hunky Jake over that birthday cake, instead of Samantha."

"Wait, how do you know that?" Joss said, swept up a moment in the gossip before she could stop herself.

"A few years ago Karl and I played truth or dare, and I found out he has a massive poster of Michael Schoeffling hidden behind his bedroom door." Lori gave a giggle.

"Okay, but how would Billy Hargrove know that?"

"Oh he doesn't, I don't think so anyway. I never told a soul about Karl's secret... Whoops." Lori let out another giggle. "I guess until now, but I know you won't blab it around town, Joss, it's why my lips are so loose around you."

"Loose lips sink ships." Joss gave her a reproving look.

"You have this kinda ease about you, I guess because you are so not involved with school politics, or whatever, it makes me feel relaxed, safe, like I could open up about anything," Lori continued ignoring Joss' reprimand. "It makes it easy to trust you, you know? Stuff just comes out."

Joss tried not to let Billy's words echo in her mind, but it was useless. 'Mind bullshit', his voice sang, in his usual smug tone.

Sensing Joss' slight discomfort, Lori continued, moving the conversation forward. "I just mean, Billy can be persuasive one way or another. He's one of the 'too cool for school' group, I wouldn't be surprised if he's well versed in all the school's juiciest gossip. So, if he had dirt on Karl, I can see him using it to get a song played. Or maybe he just threatened to punch him in the nose, I don't know, he just has this way of getting what he wants, or at least the reputation, that's all I mean." Lori went on, unaware that Billy as the subject was the issue for Joss, not the gossip and spilling of secrets. "Then he and his goons head banged around the dance floor like it was a mosh pit or something, until all the couples just stood there looking pissed because they couldn't slow dance and make out. It was pretty funny, to be fair. Livened up the place."

Joss couldn't stop the delighted puff of laughter that bubbled from her lips.

"Yeah, you would have dug it," Lori said, giving her a side-eyed glance. "Don't ask me what song it was though, all I know is it was loud and angry and full of some guy shouting. I think he might even have used the F-word, but it all just sounded... loud," Lori finished with a huff.

"I gotta say, that does sound pretty sweet," Joss said. "I could get you into metal if you want to try it, you just have to find the melody and then it's not so much of a ball of sound." Joss grinned, knowing Lori wouldn't take up the offer.

"I'll keep that in mind if my tastes suddenly swerve from Madonna and Cyndi Lauper into something like trash cans banging together." Lori gave a dismissive giggle and then she paused, focusing on making a turn for a moment, before she glanced at Joss again. "Maybe you were right, you know, that he's not so bad?" Lori said, and Joss knew exactly who her friend was referring to, and this felt like it was all becoming too uncomfortable.

"Hey, I never said anything like that." Joss shook her head with another grunt of laughter, trying to fully shake off the tension and allow the humor to give her a nonchalant air. She wanted to make it feel like this was just a casual gossip session about the most popular players, not about the guy she had recently been in bed with, the bruises still emblazoned across her skin, the cries of pleasure still so fresh in her mind that it made her wince at the memory.

"Well, Billy sure looked like he was having fun, and Trish was not pleased, not one tiny bit. I think she thought they'd meet eyes over the dance floor, and get that tingle of true love, or whatever, and just drift into a romantic movie scene, start dancing, be crowned king and queen of Hawkins and drive off into the moonlight," Lori said, with a sarcastic giggle.

"Guess that didn't happen, then?" Joss flipped the visor back into place, finally satisfied with her make up.

"Nope, Billy didn't even make it long enough to find out who was Prom king and queen. He and Tommy got kicked out by Mr Mundy after the whole metal music thing!" Lori said, thriving on the gossip.

"Ouch, busted by the math teacher, that had to hurt." Joss chuckled lowly to herself.

"Billy didn't seem to give one... rubber duck," Lori said, after a moment, avoiding using a cuss word. "He laughed all the way out the door."

"He does seem pretty rubber duckless," Joss quipped, with a little strained smile towards her friend, wishing she could casually change the subject without it seeming too obvious and clunky, but that felt impossible if all the juiciest titbits surrounded Billy and his mere presence at Prom.

"Trish made a whole scene, crying about the teachers being fascists, or something over dramatic. Think she'd had a few cup fulls of punch too. The gossip on Monday is going to be peak!" Lori gave out a gleeful squeak.

Joss smiled, imagining all the chaos, and feeling very smug that she hadn't been part of any of it. "You leaving your car on the street?" she asked, diving for the opening to steer the conversation away from Billy.

"Well, yeah," Lori gave a shrug, "everyone will be drinking, I just figured we'd walk home, it's only a few blocks, or it'll feel like only like a few after we've had a couple of drinks."

Joss nodded, fiddling with the volume on the radio as Bruce Springsteen's 'Dancing In The Dark' invaded the car, with waves of upbeat vocals longing for something more, for fulfilment, for love; a sound Joss didn't really appreciate right now.

"So, you have your eye on anyone, at the party I mean? Any guys you're into?" Lori pushed.

Joss frowned. "A guy? Why are you asking me about guys?" She considered this for a moment. "I know you do. Who is it? Is he cute?"

The apples of Lori's cheeks flushed, her nose turning a rosy pink, making her dusting of freckles seem darker in contrast. "Well, I mean, doesn't everyone have a crush?" She glanced at her passenger.

"Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being interrogated?" Joss poked Lori in the shoulder.

"I'm not, I was just curious. It's just, that Jerry guy messed you around and I want this to be a fun party for you, so you can forget about him. Maybe tonight is your lucky night and you'll meet Mr Right, huh?"

"Still feeling interrogated," Joss said, focusing on the volume of the song again, trying to find that perfect sweet spot.

"I just wondered if you liked anyone. I could always put a good word in and make sure you at least have a good time with some hunk."

Joss gave Lori a sly side-eye. "Okay, okay, I won't pry into your crushes, and you can stop trying to fix my love life, deal?" She returned her attention back to messing with the radio.

With a frustrated sigh, Lori slapped Joss' hand away from the volume knob. "So, at least tell me if you have a type. Nerdy? Broody? Jock? Poser? Preppy? New Wave? Or maybe New Romantic? Wait, I know, it's totally Yuppie, right? That is so you." She waggled her eyebrows in a way that made Joss hoot out a laugh.

"Gross! No. And that's still prying!" Joss chastised. "I have no intention of meeting any dashing men of any kind at this delightful party. I think most of the guys will be too busy doing kegs and shouting like gorillas at each other." She beat her chest to emphasise her point.

"You might be right," Lori giggled.

"High school guys are nothing but egos and trouble," Joss said, feeling a little squirm of dread move in her gut.

Lori sighed as if Joss was almost lost to this entire dating cause. "Well, you never know, maybe one will surprise you."

"I highly doubt that," Joss mumbled, turning her gaze to the window, watching the glow of street lamps pass by.

Lori gave her a semi-covert glance for a few seconds. "So, you're like, a Gemini, right?"

The question drew Joss' gaze back to Lori, and a slanted smile turned up the corners of her lips as she considered the question, and if it was actually a serious query or a joke. "If you believe in any of that horoscope bullshit, which I don't, but, yes, that is apparently my star sign," Joss said, with a playful roll of her eyes.

"Usually, you pair well with another air sign," Lori continued, making it clear this was genuine on her part, and Joss gave an exasperated sigh that she was going to be subjected to this whether she wanted to hear it or not. "Do you know what sign Jerry was?"

Joss let out a snort of dismissal. "No." She paused, her offhanded rebuff turning instantly to something sour, because she didn't, she hadn't even asked when Billy's birthday was. He knew hers was coming up in June because she'd told Hal at the biker bar, when challenged about her age, that she was a month away from being nineteen, but Joss had no idea if Billy's birthday had passed or if it was next week, or even today. She felt a sudden knot of guilt twist in her stomach.

"I bet he was a Virgo, terrible compatibility with Gemini. You are both ruled by the same planet, and Virgos are totally introverted, which you are too, which is like, unusual for a Gemini..." Lori trailed off, losing steam, before coming back around to tackle and swipe aside that point. "Or maybe he was a Pisces, they are known to be indecisive and not intelligently emotional, you know? Too sensitive. I think you need someone adventurous," she said with a matter of fact sniff.

"Uh-huh," Joss said with another roll of her eyes.

"You need someone exciting and sure of themselves, like a Libra, or maybe even an Aries. Someone a little fiery."

"Fascinating," Joss said with a mock yawn, and grinned, making Lori pull a semi-displeased face at not being taken seriously. "I'm sorry, Lori." Joss gave an apologetic sigh. "I really don't believe in any of that stuff, it's all just hocus-pocus to me."

"Well, maybe you should stop being such a Debbie Downer and just keep an open mind. The world is full of mysteries humanity is yet to understand, cosmic, mystic and earthly. Can't hurt, right?"

"Oh my god," Joss said, letting out a deep breath of shock, her hand going to clutch at her chest. "You read I'm going to meet my perfect guy, my whole soul mate, at this shitty high school party, in the newspaper today, right? The stars are all aligning, the planets are crashing, the moon is in full wax! Or is it wane? It's the perfect light, whatever it is, for fate to come storming in and defeat my cold shrivelled little cynical heart!" Joss over dramatically put the back of her hand against her brow and pretended to faint.

"You goofball!" Lori said, taking it all in good fun and laughing. "I'm just saying, you never know what can happen." She turned onto a side road, pulling the car to a stop by the sidewalk.

Joss could already hear the pumping of loud music and it was rather obvious which house was holding the party from all the lights blazing out into the darkness, along with a steady stream of people making their way through the front door.

"Yay! Fun!" The sarcasm oozed from Joss' tone and Lori pinched her arm with a joking smile upon her lips.

"It will be fun, if you don't keep whining." Lori got out of the car and waited for Joss to do the same before locking the doors. Lori gave her a determined look of encouragement and raised a fist in solidarity, and with another laugh Joss joined her and they walked over to the house. Its glowing, colour changing, disco light filled doorway amusingly reminded Joss of the maw of some inter-dimensional beast she'd seen on one of the covers of her cheesy horror novel collection.

They passed through it into what felt like another world, loud and confronting and full of constant movement. The interior was large and fancy, a rich kid lived here for sure. His or her parents having taken off on vacation for the summer already, leaving their house and belongings in the unsuitable hands of a hormonal teenager. The colour scheme was a rather anaemic looking off-white and sickly petal pink, and on every surface were red solo cups, mostly used and discarded, dripping remnants of bitter beer on to the plush rose carpet.

They made their way through the mass of people into the kitchen where more red cups waited to be filled in massive piles, and Lori poured herself and then Joss a cup of the watery yellow liquid. It looked highly unappetizing.

"Just drink it," Lori chided, seeing Joss' look of disgust.

Joss downed the foamy, lukewarm, fizzy contents in one go, being her usual dramatic self in response to being ordered to do something. "There. I drank it." She grinned, pleased with her own drollery.

"Funny." Lori poured her another drink as punishment.

"Oh come on, Lori, it tastes like shit," Joss giggled, suppressing a belch.

They wandered around the house, Joss' eyes always alert and her body ready to conceal herself from any seeking eyes, but Billy was nowhere to be seen, and as time went by and the beer flowed, she began to let her guard down. Maybe he'd gone off with his friends somewhere else after Prom? Or he'd taken Trish to that little picnic area in his Camaro and they'd made up? That thought didn't feel great, and despite how much Joss didn't want to care, the insecurity slowly wormed its way into her mind as she became more and more aware of the lack of his presence, and Trish's too.

Lori talked to a few people here and there as Joss hovered nearby, smiling when it was required and adding a casual 'yeah, totally' when anyone asked her anything. She sat by herself, sipping at her beer, as Lori went off to dance a few times with other girls, but Joss could not be persuaded to join in, even after her fifth drink.

This whole place was like an alien planet to Joss, the chattering, the laughing, the constant noise of moving bodies and the endless cloud of upbeat pop music, it all felt like it was drilling slowly into her skull. Even the alcohol couldn't dull her senses completely, and after an hour of all this, Joss felt completely overwhelmed and drained, like every party goer was a vampire and each interaction was a drawing of her very life blood. Her replies started to become snapped words of 'uh-huh', her anxiety spiking. If she didn't get out of here soon, Joss knew she was going to lose it, and she amusingly didn't know if that meant she'd slip out like a silent shadow or start smashing the place up like she was The Incredible Hulk. Either option had the downsides of letting Lori down, or complete social death.

Joss gave a heads up to Lori that she was going outside for some air and then she left her friend on the makeshift dance floor and pushed herself up on to her feet, but she hadn't expected the room to suddenly lurch quite so violently as it did, and she stumbled in her unfamiliar high heels a few steps, drawing giggles and whispers from people nearby.

Joss grabbed a hard and quick hold on herself, taking note of the damage the beer had caused to her functions, and adjusting her movements to be careful but still casual. She wandered towards the wide open French doors, the cool breeze of outside beckoning her forward, offering deliverance from her current situation.

She told herself to put one foot in front of the other, keep her spine straight and her shoulders pulled back, chin high, to exude confidence - and pretty much succeeded until she made it onto the concrete patio area. Her movement wasn't quite aligned, as she misjudged the height of a step down, and her high heel rolled and took her foot with it, making her stumble ungracefully again. A few guys nearby cackled at her and called out if she needed a 'helping hand, sweetheart', but Joss ignored them, doing the only sensible thing she could, removing the stupid shoes completely and padding along the cold floor in her bare feet. That icy feeling felt like a welcome shock to her nervous system, the chill working its way up her limbs and spreading through her body, giving her a refreshing feeling of clarity.

Clutching the heels in one hand, Joss took in her surroundings.

The patio area was dotted with chairs and tables, party food and bottles of liquor scattered about, and beyond that a set of grand stone stairs that led to a massive pool. She took that chance to scoop some seven layered dip onto a few chips and stuffed them unceremoniously into her mouth, hoping it would do something to help soak up the excess alcohol.

Sucking her fingers clean, Joss stood a moment, marvelling at how lavish and strange this place felt to her. There were already people swimming in the pool, some half-clothed, others wearing bathing suits, and one guy, who had clearly reached his alcohol limit, had jumped into the water wearing nothing at all.

The throbbing beat of rock music reached her hearing and Joss' attention was drawn in its direction. It wasn't unusual to hear this kind of music at big parties, especially when guys decided to drink competitively, the aggressive rock taking over the ear pleasing pop. She'd been to a good few parties with her ex back in California, and they always seemed to follow a similar script. The girls danced inside, while the guys drank like fish outside, at least until the hour grew late and people began to pair off for more intimate meetings. As she came closer to where all the fuss was coming from, she recognized the song as Mötley Crüe's 'Shout At The Devil'.

Maybe if Joss hadn't had that fifth beer, this familiar song of potential foreshadowing would have been enough of a warning to turn her around, right back into the hell of bodies. But she felt too tired to bother listening to her overly anxious mind, and instead she sat down on a large stone step that led down to the pool area, feeling she was sheltered enough from any wandering eyes. She needed the air, the space, the freedom.

She watched all the frantic people around her, having fun, making out, and getting progressively more and more drunk. She saw one guy being lowered down from his stint upside down, drinking from a keg. He stood swaying for a few seconds, as if gravity had been lost to his entire reality, then he stumbled sideways and, with an almighty splash, he landed in the pool to much raucous laughter.

A low chant of 'Billy, Billy, Billy!' started, and Joss looked back to see Billy stepping up to take on the challenge, and her heart jumped a little in her chest at the sight of him, of the knowledge he had probably been out here this whole time. He was wearing what had presumably been a nice grey suit at the start of the night, but now was reduced to only the pants and white shirt, the jacket forgotten and bow tie discarded, the shirt unbuttoned to mid-chest. He took a few seconds to unclasp the chain around his neck before he pushed it into Tommy Hagan's eager waiting hands. Billy gave him a warning look that said it was his ass on the line if anything happened to it.

Billy hardly needed anyone's help to balance his body on the rim of the metal keg, but a few of the guys held his legs to keep him steady as he took the plastic tube and began to chug down the liquid.

The chants of his name turned into the counting of numbers, growing louder as it passed ten, then twenty, into the thirties, and soon everyone outside was cheering and jeering, goading on the reckless behaviour. He lasted longer than the guy that had fallen in the pool by a good way, stopping just before the crowd reached forty five, and when he signalled he was finished, he lowered himself down without assistance, spitting out the last dregs as a spray in to the air, coating his chest and shirt in liquid. He shouted and roared in triumph to much giddy applause.

He pulled a pack of cigarettes off Tommy and lit one up, making a gesture with his other hand that Tommy give back the necklace, which he did without hesitation. Billy slipped the item into his pants pocket before raising his arms in victory as he roared again, and his fans screamed his name back in adoration. Joss crossed her arms in annoyance at the whole ridiculous farce.

Many guys slapped him on the back as he laughed and joked with them. Once the next contestant had lined up and the crowd had quietened a little, expectant of more fun, she saw Billy look around, taking in his environment, an exhilarated grin still plastered on his face as he soaked in all the smiles of acceptance that greeted him. He looked like he belonged here, being adored and lauded, and Joss felt that knot come back into the pit of her stomach, because she didn't fit into any place like this, and felt like she never would.

She continued to watch as Trish came sauntering up to him, hips swaying, and placed a kiss onto his cheek as his won prize.

She was dressed to the nines in a tight black dress with big puff tulle sleeves, silver sequins winking like little stars in the low light. At school Joss hadn't really given herself time to see how gorgeous Trish was, but now it was all on full display, like a peacock shaking out its tail.

Her petite body was toned yet curvy, a small waist and ample chest that her tight, yet elegant dress accentuated in all the right ways. Her hair was a beautiful soft golden blond, with streaks of meticulous highlights that made it seem like it glowed in her perfectly curled and back combed style, held in place by lots of hairspray. She was the kind of girl you would see on the arm of a Hollywood actor and she suited her role tonight by Billy's side as if she'd been made for it.

Trish's hand went to Billy's chest, searching under his damp shirt and squeezing his defined pectoral muscle, whispering something seductive into his ear, looking like a tiger that was about to sink its claws into its prey. Her nails reflected this image in Joss' mind so vividly, they were painted a bloody red and shaped into rounded points that raked against his skin.

Joss looked down at her own short and stubby fingernails, rubbing a thumb across the many pulls and dents, and noting the cuticles that were rough, dry and dyed grey from all the charcoal she'd recently been drawing with. All her nails were also bitten, another one of her small bad habits that she couldn't seem to shake. She'd wanted beautiful nails once, to look like the models she'd seen in her mom's magazines, and she'd even tried that bitter disgusting concoction that the drugstore swore would make her kick the habit, but instead made her constantly gag because she couldn't stop nibbling whenever she was nervous or concentrating.

Joss reluctantly allowed her gaze to go back to the public display before her. She tried to lift her own spirits by mockingly labelling it an attempted mating ritual. Pretending she was a scientist watching it all through her camera, trying to catch the perfect flash of feather and dance, observing all the details for her own curious mind. But Joss knew jealousy when she felt it, and no amount of satirical scorn was going to change that fact.

Just like a bird of paradise, Trish's make up was also stunning, every tiny thing done with intent, from the pale blue eye shadow to the perfect red lips, that were plump and beckoning, placing that celebratory kiss on Billy's cheek, leaving behind a perfect imprint like a glossy brand. In fact everything about Trish screamed flawless, from her sexy smooth sheer black pantyhose to her vibrant red and black stilettos. Trish was everything Joss wasn't, confident, gorgeous, social and adored. Trish and Billy made a damn good looking couple, and that fact stung somewhere deep within Joss' chest.

Billy continued to grin, and tried to grab Trish around the waist, which made her laugh and playfully try and push away from him, obviously not wanting to get her expensive party dress covered in beer. He tried to grab her again which only made Trish squeal in delight and struggle away, but Joss could see she was feigning any real displeasure, truly enjoying all the attention.

Billy twirled her around, much to Trish's continued relish, pulling her to him, and for a moment Joss thought he was going to kiss her, and her nerves rippled with unpleasant trepidation, not wanting to see any of this, but unable to tear her eyes away. From the look upon Trish's face, she expected a passionate moment too and she gave in instantly, going limp and willing in his arms, head tilting in eager anticipation. To both women's surprise, Billy pulled away, suddenly far more interested in a floppy haired blond guy coming up to them. He offhandedly let go of his grip around Trish's waist, causing her to have to struggle a second to catch her own balance and not end up on her ass, and then she gave him a thoroughly disgruntled look. She called him something that looked to Joss like 'jerk' and huffed off in the direction of her group of friends, who were already welcoming her to them with open arms and consoling biting words against the asshole who had upset her.

Billy paid no notice, his attention piqued by whatever this guy had to say. Joss knew him vaguely, Johnny somebody, she couldn't remember his last name, another one of Billy's gang of wannabe rebels. He whispered something into Billy's ear and Billy's face changed, lighting up with a dazzling grin, his expression arrogantly triumphant, as if he'd just been told he'd not only been crowned King Keg, but won a trip around the world too. He patted the guy on the shoulder and Johnny whoever went about his way back into the house.

Billy drew in a deep lungful of smoke, as he swiped back his hair, preening just a little in the pool's reflection, then his eyes were casting about again for the next thing he wanted to grab his attention. He out the smoke in a controlled breath of vapor, and then he did a double take at something he had seen, something fleeting within all the swirl of people. He searched around a moment, then his eyes found Joss after a beat, and she felt shock snake its way up her spine and skitter through her scalp. How had he even seen her hidden over here? She swore he really was a damn Terminator. He took another long drag on his cigarette, his chest glistening with spilled alcohol, and gave her a smug, satisfied smile.

Joss shook her head, laughing with disdain, not wanting to show how unnerved she felt in that moment by his easy discovery of her. Tommy was at Billy's side, telling him something excitedly, distracting him. Joss took that chance as her way out and got up, having enough of the keg party spectacle, and not wanting to give Billy a chance to come over right in front of everyone. Joss wasn't playing any games tonight, she was here for Lori, not for Billy, and not for herself. She walked quickly back inside the house, hoping she could spend the rest of her time here hiding somewhere Billy couldn't find her.

Chapter Text

Joss wandered through a few rooms, going further into the massive darkened house as each boom box or tape deck played a different mix of music, the lights now dimmed for all the couples pairing off together. Dark corners were alive with the shadowed outlines of people making out, the low lighting making it easy for hands and inhibitions to wander.

Joss felt completely lost here, surrounded by her peers who hardly knew her, and who in return, she'd never made an effort to get to know. This place didn't feel like it was any part of her world, and seeing Billy and Trish playing the cutesy perfect couple hadn't made that thought any easier to swallow. She could never be like Trish, Joss didn't think she had the will or self-confidence that called for. She'd always want to shrink back from that bright spotlight, and Billy wanted to bathe in it. Nothing had changed from their first meeting, they were still pulling apart instead of standing strong together.

She made her way into what felt like a labyrinth of different spaces, through crowded rooms, to ones occupied by only a scattering of people, down hallways, always giving cautious glances over her shoulder to make sure she wasn't being followed, until she finally felt she'd covered enough distance to safely relax. Joss found the smallest, quietest, darkest room she could and sat on the armrest of a big rose pink sofa, sagging a little in the swirl of all the beer she'd recently drank in.

In a way, seeing Billy like that had felt like a small wake up call. Joss didn't really know what she'd expected, part of her already knew nothing good would come from attending this party and she'd done it anyway, like she was a damn glutton for punishment, like she enjoyed it, wanted it. Maybe she was the real sadomasochist in all this, constantly thrusting herself into situations she knew would cause drama, would hurt. Despite all her grand speeches of wanting to be nothing to anyone here in Hawkins, that lofty statement didn't feel so true anymore.

Her fingertips lingered over her upper thigh, feeling first the tender wince of those still fresh bruises, and then the familiar uneven edges of her scar. It had healed over fully now, but Joss didn't feel healed, because that rush, that unrestrained feeling of being fervidly alive as metal sliced through skin, felt so similar to every hurt and high she had right now with Billy. Like he had just become her new way of covering over the cracks of her life with flimsy paper.

This couldn't go on as it had, tonight had made that so startlingly clear, there was a choice coming between them, and that fact felt stark and cold here in this darkened room, all alone. One of them would have to give up something they valued to be with the other, if they wanted to make this last beyond high school; or they would have to turn around and walk out of each others' lives completely. Finally seeing the reality of that end in sight, made Joss suddenly feel her chest tighten.

Despite it all, despite the arguments, the power plays, even the anger, Joss still wasn't ready to give him up completely, like an addict just wanting one more damn hit before claiming to swear off the destructive behaviour. Just one more hit, one more time, she swore it was the truth, that she wasn't lying, but even her best intentions fell away when he came to her with those hypnotic eyes. If she was bluntly honest with herself, she didn't want to stop any of this, not until her hand was forced, and the choice was cut and dry, and she had a new life to escape into. Joss knew she was being selfish, perhaps even unkind, but the thought of regressing back to her old lonely life in Hawkins, even for a few weeks, made her want to claw desperately for any life saver, even if that meant she'd end up drowning them both.

Maybe if she could just keep avoiding him, as she'd done tonight, she could train herself to stop having this craving? But, that was a blatant lie, because she hadn't really avoided him at all, she had willingly been pulled back into his orbit, she'd wanted to find him and then had run like a coward at the first sign of confrontation. All this, these thoughts and excuses, just felt like acts of duplicity, which was ridiculous, you couldn't really lie to yourself, could you?

One fact wouldn't leave her alone, hovering like a persistent fly within her consciousness, and that was that she had to find a way to deal with all this before either of them got really hurt. Joss was starting to think she was the one who would be left limping if this continued, but the effect the beer had on her brain made her wonder just what it would be like to stroll back out there into the critical gaze of everyone, grab him, and kiss him, and tell the whole damn world to screw off. She wished she had even a shred of his confidence or bravery to just not care, but she didn't, and the thought of so many eyes upon her made her squirm and wince in inner discomfort at merely imagining it.

Joss shook her head, scattering the thoughts and blaming all this self pity on too many drinks and feeling mentally overloaded at this stupid party. She didn't know how long she'd been lost navel-gazing, seconds or minutes, as the swirl of music and distant chatter came crowding around all her senses again, bringing her down with an unkind bump to the present.

She took in a deep breath and made to move from her perch, meaning to resume her quest to find Lori, but she felt a hand come to encircle her upper arm, hot and uncompromising, tugging her back lightly. Unlike so many other times, she didn't jump at the sudden contact, Joss supposed she'd grown used to him seeking her out. She turned to see Billy stood there, looking slightly damp and reeking strongly of beer.

"Saint Joss, gracing us mere mortals with her presence, I feel honoured," he taunted, and she instantly noticed his speech was slightly slurred, his face plastered in an almost permanent grin of self-satisfaction, all the beer he'd recently chugged down clearly having a lot to do with his current good mood.

Joss glanced around, but reassuring herself that no one was paying them any attention in this particularly quiet room, she relaxed.

"Having fun being king of all the kegs? Prestigious position I hear, lots of responsibility." She gave him an uneven smile, mocking him back, and shrugged off his hand, feeling intensely uncomfortable.

"I just beat last year's record, so yeah!" he said, ignoring her jibes with that same wide grin.

"You best take it seriously then, all your slobbering groupies will be searching the rooms for you." Joss knew that was a catty thing to say, but she couldn't shift through her less kind thoughts so simply with all that alcohol dulling her brain, making it so easy to blurt something out before she could think.

"I'm starting think I like you jealous," Billy said, his whole face alight with mischief as his eyes lingered over her a moment in hungry appreciation of her slinky outfit, and Joss pushed back the urge to cover herself, despite being fully clothed. "You look good. I like the dress."

"Thanks." She crossed her arms defensively. "I'm just about to leave, so..." she lied, knowing her true destination was some darkened hideaway where she could spend the next few hours waiting for Lori to finish having fun.

"Aw, come on, stay for one more drink?"

She shook her head. "I've drank plenty."

"Okay then," he said, moving forward, quickly closing the distance between them before she could protest, and brushing his hands against her hips, skimming silken material, his palms coming to rest casually at the curve of her waist. "One dance then?"

"But, I..." Joss began, disarmed, her eyes going once more to their surroundings in sudden anxious uncertainty.

Billy's hand came to her cheek, a silent demand for her to look back at him and not fall into the spiral of her self-made apprehension. To Joss' surprise the connection of his eyes to her own showed her exactly what she'd dreaded only a short time ago, a deep unfathomable ocean she could so easily get lost in. But it wasn't vast and bleak, it was warm; reassuring sunlight glimmering across gentle waves. "No one cares, everyone is out of it or getting lucky, you can give me one dance, right?"

Whether it was those eyes, the alcohol she'd drank, the mood of the party, or the fact it was such a simple request, Joss wasn't sure, but she allowed it. His body slowly swaying to the rhythm of Madonna's 'Crazy For You' and coaxing her to do the same. Her hands came up to rest around the back of his neck, letting them slow dance.

His palms pushed lightly but firmly on the small of her back, pressing their bodies together, and Joss felt the instant cool wetness of his chest against her own, the remnants of the beer soaking into the bodice of her dress, and she knew her mom would probably have a fit when she found it shoved into the back of the closet.

Billy nuzzled into her cheek, sending tiny currents of skittering pleasure through her skin, and a small flickering flame of desire began to build somewhere deep within her core, dull and pulsing, bearable, but threatening to only need one stray igniting spark to become a full blaze. His lips brushed her ear as he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. "See, not so bad."

Joss had to admit this was a good moment, just being with him, without any demands on either of them, without expectations. She closed her eyes, letting the music take over as she permitted herself to just enjoy being with him, publicly, but still hidden from curious eyes in this little back room. She rested her temple against his shoulder with a sigh. Maybe she was being far too stubborn, would it really be so bad to try whatever this was with him? To see where they went? Did it really have to end? Those five beers made it feel suddenly so easy to make that leap across, what had seemed only a short while ago, a gaping chasm.

Perhaps Lori did have a point, that Hawkins was the wrong place, but if he could possibly be the right guy, even if she left for California, couldn't they try to make it work? Surely she could put up with some snide remarks from others and being at the heart of school gossip for a few weeks, if it's what she and Billy really wanted? Couldn't they weather that storm together?

In this blissful moment Joss allowed herself to consider that she was wrong, and it wasn't about being the victor, or control. Maybe he really did feel something tangible for her, not just the hunger of the constant chase for what felt like forbidden fruit. Perhaps once he got a taste he'd want only another bite, not to try the next temptation when he got tired of the same mouthful? Maybe she wanted more than all the constant highs, hunger, and sex too; to look at him and have him really look back, seeing her, faults and all, and still wanting to stay. Joss wanted to allow herself to finally let go and feel, to allow someone in, to care. Maybe all this could be something more and she was braver than she gave herself credit for.

She pulled back a little, searching his face for something that would be an answer to all these sudden and complex questions. His eyes were closed for a moment, but when he sensed her gaze he looked down, giving her an intense heavy-lidded stare and his lips turned up in a slightly intoxicated sloppy smile, and god, she wanted him, wanted to keep him and whatever this was alive between them.

"No, it's not so bad." She reached for him, kissing him in a way that she hoped conveyed all her tangled feelings and told him she was ready to allow this to go further. It would be baby steps, but being with him suddenly felt worth all that effort. Her rose tinted imaginings of all they could one day become, of letting her mistreated heart out of that cage she kept it locked away in, came flooding in a rush of exhilaration that felt like she'd just downed two beers, the sudden surge of feeling like an icy gust of air against all her exposed skin. He bundled her into him like she was something fragile but wanted, his arms surrounding her with a warm refuge from the whole world as he kissed her back with equal intensity.

They parted, breathing heavily, and he smiled again, his eyebrow quirking towards the stairs. "I know a room upstairs that no one uses." He pulled away, his hand slipping around hers and leading her towards a small set of back stairs. Joss gave one last glance over her shoulder, unable to stop herself from wanting to make sure they weren't being watched, before she began the ascent with him.

At the top of the stairway, there was a sudden rush of noise and Joss froze, knowing the owners of those voices were going to round that hallway corner at any moment. This had been a really stupid idea, of course someone was going to see them sneaking about, the sudden change felt like emotional whiplash. As quickly as they'd solidified, all of Joss' strong decisions of minutes ago fell away so easily to liquid, her bold convictions a complete fraud. She wasn't ready for this, not now, not yet, maybe not ever.

Before Joss even had time to begin to panic, Billy was suddenly pushing his body against hers, forcing her back against the wall, hand at her waist to steady her, the weight of him adding an instantaneous unexpected thrill to the already perilously fraught situation, his lips right by her ear. "Hide," he urged in a calm deep whisper, encouraging Joss with soft fingertips to push her face into the cover his bulk provided.

Joss didn't need to be told twice as she buried herself into his chest, hiding her face and hoping no one passing by looked too closely. She felt him shift, shielding as much of her as he could with his body and Joss suddenly felt like this act was somehow tenderly heroic.

She became frozen in place as the voices drew ever closer, her hands clutching Billy's belt as if afraid he would cruelly pull away and reveal her at any moment, the action desperately tethering their bodies together with her fear and nervous agitation. She felt his hand at her waist move, thumb rubbing a repeated soft caress of reassurance that seemed to silently tell her he was there and he wasn't going anywhere. She closed her eyes, brow pressing against his bare chest, taking in his heady smell: the heavy, breath-catching, honeyed deep mossy cologne; lingering sharp burnt coffee of cigarettes; and the hoppy toasted grain of cheap beer. Underneath it was the smell of him, one that she usually only detected when he'd been doing something physical, that often involved one or both of them being in some state of undress, when they'd broke past the limits of something quick and casual. Something that made them both sweat, then not even his carefully curated strong fragrance could cover the sour, tangy, animalistic scent their bodies made. Joss guessed all that balancing on the beer keg had been a lot of effort after all.

The group of what sounded like three or four guys made their way to the back staircase, calling out to Billy and making a few innuendo-laden whoops and comments about just what he was up to in the dark with some 'chick'. As the drunken voices drifted away, Billy huffed out a little laugh, as Joss sighed in relief. He lifted his weight off her gently, slowly unpinning her from the wall, touch lingering at the curve of her hip, as if he was reluctant to let the moment go.

Joss' heart thundered in her chest, suddenly wanting his hand to search back across her body, for his weight to push her back against that wall and take her right there in the hallway. She recklessly wanted her own destruction so badly in that strangely self-antagonistic moment, that it felt like a physical ache inside her. His mouth was so close, and she knew all it would take was one movement, her lips pushing against his, giving him her consent to do whatever he wanted, to claim her as his own prize for tonight. The air between them buzzed with every unspoken thing they wanted to do to each other in that dim hallway, eyes meeting and threatening with flashing flames of burning them both up into nothing. Joss broke the intense contact, snapping the tension with a turn of her head, knowing this was too dangerous, too stupid, out here in the open, and then his hand found her wrist, and with a flash of another self-satisfied smile he was pulling her along behind him.

They slipped through one of the doors on the right, into a completely dark room, and Joss stood a moment, disorientated and blind, as Billy shut the door behind them. The metallic scrape of a lock bolt being engaged reached her hearing and Joss finally felt she really could relax.

She heard him move, stumbling his way comically past furniture with noises of grunted gruff effort, until a little lamp sprang light into the space, revealing a large master bedroom.

"Pretty sweet, right?" Billy quipped with a proud smile, clearly very pleased with himself. "King-sized bed." He gave the mattress a push with both palms and the bed squeaked on its springs in response. "En suite." Billy flicked on a light switch, showing a small but gleaming white tiled bathroom. "It's like our own hotel room." He grinned, tongue dashing out to swipe across his bottom lip as if he'd been looking forward to this meal all day. "Lock on the door like a do not disturb." He tilted his head in seductive teasing.

Joss cleared her throat, the tender moment of downstairs and the intense moment in the hallway now completely lost with the reality of nearly being discovered, and the danger of it all screamed like an alarm inside her head. "Yeah, not really, since there are a bunch of drunk teenagers right behind that door." As the seconds passed that scream was dulling to a distant ringing in this safe-feeling room, but Joss' guard was up, ready to rebuff the advances she knew were coming.

"Come on, Joss," Billy said, "doesn't that turn you on, just a little? Nearly being caught out?"

"No," Joss said sharply, and turned to look at herself in a large mirror on a dressing table behind her, giving her makeup a once over, and trying in vain to brush away the stain of beer on the front of her silk dress.

"You're such a bad liar," Billy said with an indulgent chuckle, and pulled open the last few remaining buttons on his shirt, shirking the damp item of clothing off his broad shoulders. Joss tried hard to keep her eyes on her own face, instead of admiring him half-naked, but it was near impossible. The alcohol made it so much trickier to control the simmering feeling of desire, and she sent semi-secret glances across muscles, lingering on the way his grey suit pants hugged the thick set of his waist. Billy caught the balled up material in one hand and used it to mop up any beer still upon his bare chest before letting the shirt carelessly drop from his grip and returning his heavy gaze back to her own covertly watchful reflection. "So, are you gonna let me peel you out of that tight little dress or do you wanna do a strip tease?" He raised his brow as if this was a serious inquiry.

"Neither. I'm not here to see you, I'm here for Lori," Joss said, fluffing up her hair, pretending once again to ignore him, her eyes instead lingering over the many family photos laid out lovingly on the dressing table's surface, making it easy to work out this was the owner of this massive house's main bedroom.

"Oh, I see," Billy said, giving a feigned considered nod to her words. "Where is she then?" He was mocking her, and Joss' attention on her hair slowed as their eyes connected through the surface of the mirror once more.

"Around," Joss tried to make her shrug look effortless but knew it was pointless, he'd already caught her out so easily. "I just stepped out to get air, I was about to go find her."

"And yet, here you are, alone with me in a locked bedroom." Billy tutted as if he were a teacher scolding her on a bad test result. Not giving her time to think of a sardonic reply, he stalked toward her, his hands skilfully finding her bare shoulders and sliding down, catching at the material resting upon her upper arms, firmly intent on slowly tugging the whole dress off her body completely.

She felt the dress tighten, the close fitting side zipper not allowing him to force it past her chest. Joss' hands came up to his, stilling his attempts of undressing her and their eyes again connected in the reflection.

"We are not fucking in somebody's parents bed, Billy. It's not happening."

"Whatever you say," he held up his hands as if actually prepared to take her seriously, and Joss felt annoyed with herself that she was disappointed he'd given in so easily.

"Besides," she said, knowing she was giving him a lifeline, one he probably didn't really need. "I'm still mad at you for the other day, so..."

"Well, you know how much I can help you with that, you just gotta let me..." He reached out, thumb grazing her collarbone, and Joss knew her reaction should be to flinch away, to defuse this whole thing, but she instinctively leaned into his touch before she could stop herself. "Is that what you want? You just gotta say it, baby. Give me permission."

Joss knew he was grinning without having to look, it was so clear in his voice, the smile, the smugness. He was toying with her and pushing her buttons, making that pulled apart feeling seem all the worse. She wanted to protest that stupid nickname, to tell him to go to hell, but his lips were at her neck, his body an unmovable force against her back, naked chest skimming against her bare shoulder blades. His confident actions saying he didn't really need her spoken approval because her body was already so willing and reactive under his touch.

"We had a deal right?" he said, in between those soft kisses, his breath hot in her ear. "I say jump and you say?" He paused, as if expecting her to finish the sentence, but when he quickly realized she had no inclination to, that her look was just a little harder in the reflection, he grinned, that wolfish gleam in his eyes. "How high," he finished, as if doing Joss a favour.

"You didn't play fair last time," Joss said, a little breathlessly, her eyes closing, head lolling back onto his shoulder as his tongue danced across her skin, tasting, teasing, one hand cupping her breast and squeezing.

"I never play fair, that's why I always win." He sounded so arrogant about that declaration that it almost snapped Joss out of the pleasure, but he spoke again before her brain had time to push through that this was accelerating into something that needed fast neutralization. "Open your eyes."

Joss did, their gazes meeting through the mirror, and her eyes skimmed hungrily over what she could see. He was stood behind her, his body pressed firmly into her, one large hand splayed across her stomach as if keeping her in place, the other caressing all her curves with slow certain waves of pressure, glancing, lingering, making her breathe out little moans. His touch glanced down her thigh, grabbing at her skirt and harshly hiking it up around one hip, exposing those bruised imprints of his fingers, ghostly echoes of their recent explicit tryst.

"Hmm," he breathed out in appraisal. "Guess I was a little rough." His fingertips skimmed across sensitive tender skin.

"You were," Joss agreed.

"Do you want me to feel bad about it?" he questioned, with a quirk of one eyebrow, his touch just a little firmer now as it curled around her inner thigh, fingers skimming a hair's breadth away from touching her fully, but the threat in his actions was clear, making Joss suck in a gasp before it could fully escape, as if that action gave her some kind of control over the situation.

"Don't you?" She wanted it to sound taunting but it came out as almost a groan of want.

"Depends," he said, a grin upon his face.

"On what?" Joss was becoming impatient with this game.

"How much you liked it." He gently moved his touch in a wave of slow caresses, fingernails grazing across her skin. "Sounded like you did. Think I can make you scream like that again?" His touch inched further, teasing her with heavy anticipation, and Joss closed her eyes again, her senses filled with wanting him, of the steady slow build up as that flame grew, bathing her in the glow of warmth that could so easily burn.

"Keep your eyes open," he breathed into her ear, and Joss did as he asked, meeting his steady determined gaze in the reflection once again. "I want you to watch just how much sin a Saint can take." He grinned, savouring the subtle displeased change of her expression as his sarcastic sordid meaning soaked through the dulling fuzz of alcohol.

Before Joss could tell him to shut up, or fuck off, or that he was a real asshole, he'd reached up under her dress, past material barriers, seeking with a certain touch, his fingers making her let out a stuttering gasp of breathless surprise, taking that unguarded moment to begin his strike against her. Part of her wanted to protest, knew she should push him away, but she was far too greedy to give up this feeling. Instead, she watched transfixed as his hand dipped in and out of sight between her thighs, disappearing for longer and longer beneath her brunched up skirt as her breathing hitched and quickened. It was like watching a voyeuristic movie and watching him touch her seemed to just flare her own lust all the more. He knew it too, his smile beaming with wicked amusement, eyes hungrily enjoying her lips forming high breathy moans, his own desire growing with each knot he loosened, thrilled at the prospect of finally making her come completely undone.

The strokes of his fingers were firm and forceful, bringing Joss so quickly to potential climax that she felt disoriented and dizzy until he slowly stilled his work, his lips pressing against her neck in consolation for her sudden loss. Her body stopped squirming against the chain of his arm around her waist, her heartbeat slowing from that height of exhilaration, her breathing becoming stable. Her eyes found his face in the mirror in questioning confusion, before his fingers sprang back into sudden life and he began a similar routine again, and Joss knew exactly what he was doing, using her own moves against her. She didn't even try to stop him, even as he took any control she still felt she owned with each relentless stroke, because Joss wanted it, wanted everything he had to give, even when she began to feel so sensitive that the need for release physically ached and throbbed through her whole body.

"Please," she whispered, a high whimper to the sound, as she was pulled apart by all this conflict and desire. "Please."

"See how easy this is when you let me decide? How good it feels?" he said, in between nips and kisses to her neck, teeth grazing across her ear lobe and pulling gently. "Stop fighting this."

Joss didn't have any fight left in her, only that one primal goal. "Yes," was about all she could manage, more gasps and soft moans falling from her lips as he built that feeling once more, her hips eagerly rolling into his touch, encouraging him on and on with her body, desperate for that to be enough.

"Tell me," he whispered into her ear, his voice husky and full of sensual firm demand, making that ascent feel all the more powerful.

"I want it," Joss gasped out each word, her hands clutching at his arm around her waist like it was the only thing keeping her upright. "I want you. Please."

Through the mirror she saw his eyes darken, dilate with raw lust, and then he gave her what she wanted, that release of pleasure a pool of powerful ripples that plucked gleefully at every nerve, the pulses becoming hollow echoes, as she panted out moans of sheer relief, eyes welling with tears she refused to shed, her eyelashes fluttering furiously to contain them. He didn't give her time to recover, as his fingers explored further, deeper, making her legs suddenly feel shaky.

"You can find Lori later," he said, bringing her gaze back to his in the mirror, his actions not slowing, pushing harder, his touch rough, heated and unforgiving as her breaths came out in desperate gasps for air. "Right now, I need you," he said gruffly into her neck, and as was so often the case, Joss let him have exactly what he wanted, because she wanted him.

Chapter Text

Joss finished tidying herself in the bathroom, she hadn't come out of the skirmish completely unscathed, her makeup was a little smeared, her hair no longer half neatly contained in a ponytail with the pretty bow. She wasn't sure where the clip had got to, only that it must have pinged out in all the heat and movement of her and Billy's meeting.

Billy had kept one unspoken promise, they hadn't had sex on the parents' bed, but just about everywhere else that could be used as a surface in the room had been commandeered instead. In fact at one particularly energetic point, they'd knocked a picture frame off from the dressing table and the glass had broken. Now a large jagged crack ran through it, splitting apart the happy middle aged couple that beamed out. Joss could only hope no one noticed and had tucked the frame into a corner.

Billy had been particularly unmerciful tonight once he'd taken her, keeping to his initial plan of bringing her constantly to the edge again and again and then pulling back, allowing her to gain her senses for only a brief moment before starting the meticulous slow ascent all over, until Joss felt like she was losing her mind. In those overwhelming moments of sensory overload she'd been on the verge of telling him to stop, that she couldn't take any more. Her fingers grasping desperately at his bare shoulders for some kind of leniency, lips trembling with pleading words that he'd never allowed her to form completely, silencing her easily with his own mouth pressed against hers. When he kissed her like that, so soft and deep, it always changed her mind, and all she wanted to do was keep that flame burning, even if it meant her own torture didn't end. But, even Joss' stubborn will had a limit, and it had nudged at her so often in that room, where time lost all meaning, that she had nearly ceded and waved the white flag. It was as if Billy could sense her inevitable defeat closing in, and he'd whispered encouragingly into her ear that all she had to do was breathe through it, he'd make it worth the wait, he'd make everything worth it if she just held on to him, and so Joss did, clutching onto his bulk as if the world would end if she let go. She bore it all and let him martyr her as much as he desired.

When he finally let her have that longed for release, sat upon the dressing table, legs splayed and body exhausted, he'd not been gentle. He'd been rough, giving her no moment to catch her senses, and her whole body sang with need, building in pressure again until it burst from her lips in harsh cries of pleasure and full surrender. It had been excruciatingly glorious, that relief, Joss' toe muscles contracting so hard that it hurt.

Billy had loved every moment of that conquest, kissing her, panting into her mouth as he crested his own peak and his body stiffened in satisfaction, a small series of gruff cries coming from his throat as he pumped all that pent up need into her. He'd kissed her swollen lips so softly after, coaxing her back into reality from the dazed state that he had left her in, drawing her back to his face, his eyes, and he'd smiled, really smiled, without a hint of smug triumph, his palm cradling her cheek, pressing more kisses to her mouth in a moment that felt tender and fully satiated.

Joss glanced away from her mirrored reflection at the memory of that gentle moment between them, knowing she'd see too much staring out from her own eyes that she didn't really want to face.

Billy was currently sat on the bed, patiently waiting for her to be finished preening so they could both go back to the party. Joss gave herself another last glance in the mirror, her feet already dully protesting at being forced back into those uncomfortably wobbly high heels. She wasn't sure if it was the stumble outside or what had happened in this room with Billy, but her toe joints felt strained. The whole toe curling sex was meant to be something that only happened in her mom's badly hidden romance novels, not real life, so Joss staunchly decided to blame her current discomfort on the near trip by the pool.

She hesitated for a moment, eyes traveling across him, knowing she had very little chance of reading anything beyond his normal fortified expression, but suddenly wanting more, to force some kind of honesty out of this situation. She allowed an unguarded question to slip past her lips before she could think better of speaking.

"So, what star sign are you?"

Billy flicked an amused eyebrow at her, that gleeful light of teasing back in his eyes. "Star sign? The hell you want to know that bullshit for? You know only dumb desperate chicks fall for that line, right?"

Joss shifted, eyes going to the floor a moment, uncomfortable at his callous-feeling rebuff after sharing that intense experience together.

"I'm an Aries, the ram, stubborn." His tone changed from scathing to playful as if he'd read her discomfit so plainly and was allowing her off without a penalty this time. "A natural leader." He grinned, suddenly seeming to find this a fun conversation. "Why?" he abruptly said, eyes narrowing, as if now thinking there could be something nefarious to her questioning.

"I was just wondering when your birthday was." She tried to make it sound apathetic.

"Thinking of buying me another candle?" he mocked, that grin instantly back upon his face.

"No." Joss crossed her arms instinctively, her own walls only just starting to reform after he'd stripped so much from her in the last hour. "I just didn't want it to be, like, today, and not know."

Billy let out a laugh. "You afraid of hurting my feelings, Tanner? I'm touched." His grin widened, toying with her again, but his good mood apparently extended to not being continually cruel tonight. "My birthday was back in March."

Joss let out an inner sigh of relief, she hadn't even known him, other than by his reputation, back in March.

"If you're cut up about it, you can buy me a beer tomorrow at the bar, I'll buy you one for your birthday, fair and square, no expectations." He gave her a look that said something Joss didn't like.

"I'm not expecting anything off you, that's not why I brought this up," Joss defended, her posture becoming a little stiffer.

"Oh?" Billy said, clearly not believing her protests.

"Sometimes, I just feel like I know so little about you." Joss tried to roll her shoulders to show she really didn't care that much.

"You know plenty about me," Billy said, and there was something uncomfortable and dark in the way he spoke that statement, like by 'plenty' he really meant 'too much for his liking'.

"I mean, like, the small stuff, you know? Like your birthday or... I don't know, just little things."

"Okay, what do you want to know? You get three questions, like three wishes. You just used one with asking about my star sign, two left." He clicked his tongue four times, mimicking a clocks ticking.

Joss' instinct was to push back with how unfair this was, as he'd only just made up these rules after she'd asked a question, but she knew it would be a useless argument. Her mind raced, fully aware he had already started some kind of count down or time limit on this little indulgence.

"What do you really want to do after school?" She blurted the first thing that came into her mind.

"Something with cars," he said without any hesitation. "I like working with my hands. As you already know, I'm damn good too." He grinned again, finding this all very amusing.

Joss wanted to ask something deep and consequential, perhaps how he felt about what had happened tonight. Did he feel that same strange uncomfortable connection she'd felt? That pull? Was he just as confused as to why they kept being drawn back together? Or maybe, what had really happened with Steve Harrington last year? But she chickened out, not wanting to spoil the good mood that had rested fitfully between them.

She allowed herself a few seconds to think, trying to come up with something good while feeling very put on the spot. Meaningless silly questions flooded her brain, from what flavour ice cream was his favourite and which sport teams he supported, to what his first real live show had been. But they were all things she could ask any time, this was an opportunity to delve into his recent past, before she'd known him. "What was school like back in California? Were you as popular as you are at Hawkins High?"

He let out a snort. "Fuck no. I was bad news, had a bad reputation. Got in plenty of trouble, cops got involved a few times, that kinda stuff. Guess I was rebelling after my dad married Susan, pushing back, or some teenage bullshit. My old man put a quick stop to it."

Joss suddenly didn't want to know any more, remembering what he'd said at the bar a few weeks ago, about how he'd be in a jail cell if it wasn't for his dad. Her skin crawled. He really did think his dad cared in some fucked up way, and Joss didn't know what was ultimately worse, a parent that pretended to care while not being there at all, or one that told you they cared while beating you down and keeping you chained. No, she did know, it was an easy win, and her eyes grazed over his face, wishing she could say something meaningful and profound, something that would help, but all she had was awkward silence.

"I still got plenty of chicks, but it was for the thrill of pissing off their dad or boasting to their friends. Like a trophy. I was fine with it, I didn't mind all the attention. Mostly I kept to myself, had some people I hung out with outside of school."

Joss stared at him, just a little startled, as she tried to imagine this guy, that could turn on the charm as easy as a faucet, being some kind of outcast.

"When I was forced to moved here, to this cow shit town, I decided to be the top dog. Change the scenery, you know?"

"Well, whatever you did, it worked." Joss' laughter sounded forced but she didn't really know how else she was meant to respond to this unexpected information.

"Small town like this, you don't have to do much to cause a stir. Good looks and a good sense of style, fast car, along with some aggression was all it took."

Joss eyed him a moment. "You're more than that though."

"Glad you think so," he said, leaning back on the bed, and for a moment from the lustful gleam in his eyes she thought he was going to suggest another round of steamy fun, and she knew she'd have to turn him down, she was still way too tender. Joss bit her lip, looking briefly down at her feet, and when she looked up, she didn't know if he'd read her plainly or just changed his mind, but his energy had suddenly shifted from wanting to relaxed. "My buzz is wearing off," he said, noticing he'd missed a button on his damp shirt and fastening it carelessly. "Let's go find some beer."

"You're free to drink as much as you want, but I have to get back to Lori, remember? She'll be worried. She might come looking for me. I've been gone a while, and in a locked bedroom, with you, is the last place I want her to find me."

"One minute you're complimenting me on being more than just some well dressed eye candy, the next you're making out like you're embarrassed to be seen even standing next to me," Billy said, with an expression that Joss couldn't read as truly serious or full of secret mocking. "You know how to treat a guy, Tanner." His lip quirked ever so slightly and Joss let out a relieved breath, disguised as a sneer of laughter. "Especially after the night I just gave you, you should be at my feet looking up at me all big Bambi-eyed."

Joss let out a sound of playful scorn. "Then you're with the wrong girl. Sure you can find some airhead that'd worship you if you looked in the trash long enough." Joss hadn't meant it to sound so mean, so catty, but it was what it was.

"Ouch, you got some fire in you tonight," Billy said with a chuckle, enjoying this petty side of her.

"I'm leaving, so, see you around?" Joss said, with a shrug that backed up her callous words with bravado.

"Why are you in such a rush? Besides, you saw no one was around in that tiny back room downstairs. Least you can do after all that fun I gave you, is walk downstairs with me, let me give you a goodbye kiss just out of sight of everyone, let me have a little thrill." The bridge of his nose crinkled with the last word and Joss' heart did a small jolt in her chest, remembering how exciting it had been to nearly be caught in the hallway. Kissing him in the dark, meters away from everyone that knew her as someone different, or maybe didn't know her at all, suddenly felt like a rush she wanted.

She gave him a unconvinced condescending smile. "And what about Lori? If she's looking for me-"

"Sure she's busy with something more important than keeping tabs on your whereabouts," he said, with a dismissive clearing of his throat.

"Thanks." Joss rolled her eyes.

Billy grinned. "I just mean she's not come breaking down all the doors because you've gone missing for an hour or so. Chill out."

Joss couldn't place her finger on exactly why, but it felt like he was somehow putting Lori and their friendship in general down, trying to say Lori didn't really care. Joss shook the thought away, knowing she was letting those anxious thoughts, of everything having an unkind motive, run riot through her head.

"Pretty sure we'll be safe if we keep to the shadows, your favourite place to hang out anyway, right?" Billy teased.

Joss raised her brow in reproachful annoyance.

"Like I said, the least you can do after tonight," Billy pushed, ignoring her silent half-hearted protests.

Joss rolled her eyes and shifted on her feet. "Like you didn't love every minute of it," she mumbled, which made his grin widen again.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said with a playful wink.

Joss made to move and her foot brushed something hard, the sensation making her look down to see what she'd just stepped on.

"Oh," she said, bending to pick up something gold glinting upon the cream carpeted floor. She brushed a thumb across the outline of the familiar Mary and Child relief. "Guess this fell out of your pocket when you took off your pants." Joss flicked a joking eyebrow at him, but her jovial expression slowly fell as she instantly noticed that easy relaxed air Billy had only seconds ago was replaced by something else, something stiff and unnatural.

"Fuck." He let out the word like he was angry at himself. "Knew I should have put it back on. Could've lost it," he snarled.

Joss suddenly wanted to soothe him, to let him know she didn't think he was at fault for such a small and ultimately meaningless mistake, surprised by how much he'd been affected by this situation. "It's fine, look." She held up the necklace for him to fully see. "Let me put it back on," she continued, not giving him a chance to wallow in his building annoyance, wanting to bring back that good mood of only seconds ago. Joss clambered onto the bed behind him, and gently swung the necklace into place at his throat, her fingers lightly fumbling with the clasp until she'd fastened it. "See? All good." She pushed a kiss to the chain at the nape of his neck.

Billy caught her elbow, his grip firm, tugging her forward around his body, and Joss thought for a moment that he was mad at her for trying to defuse the situation so gracelessly, but when her eyes met his, something soft and unspoken passed between them. He pulled her onto his lap, into his arms, his lips connecting and moving against hers in a way that didn't speak of lust, but something softer, deeper, something that felt connective and sincere. When they parted Joss found she couldn't look at him directly, her cheeks burning with an emotion she couldn't name, and perhaps he felt the same way, because he was untangling their bodies and pushing himself off the bed before she could really read his expression.

"You owe me three questions," he said simply, running his fingers through his hair, fluffing up his curls and giving himself a vain look over in the mirror.

"I didn't agree to anything like that," Joss protested, crossing her arms, glad to be back to the banter, rather than whatever that uncomfortable moment had been.

"You take back what you give, only way it stays fair." He gave her a superior smug smile as if she should have been fully aware of all these rules before they'd started playing. It was her problem if she'd walked into this agreement unprepared.

"Well, I'll write you an IOU and you can call it in another time, I do need to get back to Lori, she's the whole reason I'm here," Joss said.

"Fine, gives me time to think up some juicy stuff." He smiled again, and Joss let out a sigh of toleration but didn't reply. "So, Lori convinced you, huh? What did she bribe you with?"

"Our friendship," Joss said with a playful roll of her eyes. "She didn't want to come alone, there's some guy she has a crush on, and I felt like I couldn't say no."

"Well, thank you, Lori," Billy said, running his tongue against his bottom lip as he laughed. "She sure helped my night be more... interesting," he said, that wide smug grin upon his face again. "I'll have to go get her a drink later."

"Don't you dare!" Joss said, smacking his shoulder lightly, which made him only laugh more.

Chapter Text

When they were both re-dressed and ready, Joss turned off the light and Billy popped open the lock, and with a quick glance out he gave her a nod of his head, telling her it was safe. They emerged from the room and Joss saw instantly Billy had made a mistake because there was a small group of people sat just down the the hallway, the loud thud of bass from their small boom box mimicking Joss' own sudden thumping heart.

"Nice one, Hargrove!" one of them shouted, and the whole group snickered, as if they'd heard exactly what she and Billy had both been doing in that room. They were blocking the path towards the back stairs. Joss' mind flared, maybe they should go back into the room and wait another thirty minutes? Try again when things were safe? Billy's hand interlaced with hers, stilling Joss' growing trepidation as he deftly took the lead. He looked back over his shoulder, giving her a confident, bright, easy smile that suddenly made everything feel mellow, not a big deal, like Billy could handle this situation as easily as he handled his Camaro, he was in control.

"There's another way down," he said, and tugged her in the opposite direction of the group. Joss didn't think they'd seen her face, so there was still a good chance they could make it out of this unnoticed.

She quickly followed behind Billy, shadowing his lead, her heart doing a little anxious patter in her chest, that excitement like a sudden sugar rush to her whole system. Just knowing they were sneaking around behind everyone's backs made her stomach flutter. Joss knew she could probably play it off as just having a casual chat with some guy at a party if anyone came across them in the semi-dark of upstairs, which made her want to cling on to that thrill of danger just a little longer.

They walked down a long hallway, past more closed doors, and then came to the top of another set of stairs. Billy didn't pause and began to descend them at a fair trot, tugging her after him, his demeanor of self-assurance giving Joss the renewed conviction that things were going to be okay. She gripped Billy's hand tighter, and he squeezed hers in return, reassuring her this would all be over soon.

It was only halfway down that Joss began to understand exactly where these stairs came out. They were too large for any side stairs, and when did a house, even one as big as this, have more than two stairways? Joss wasn't sure if what she was feeling was shock or complete numbness as her steps hesitated, realizing with a sharp intake of breath that this was the main stairway leading to the front of the house. Below her in the lobby were gathered a great deal of people, the music pumping out from someone's stereo system, blending into the noise from the group's boom box upstairs. Billy had made another stupid mistake and Joss fully stiffened, resisting against the pull of his hand. He turned to look at her sudden silent protest, and Joss didn't see the surprise or concern, or even the annoyance she'd expected, just unrelenting confidence that this was happening, his hold tightening ever so slightly on her hand, as if ready and fully willing to pull her back if she decided to try and run.

She could already feel eyes upon them, noticing that they were together. Nudges and murmurs to gain the attention of others as to just where she and Billy had been, upstairs, alone, that they were holding hands. Joss saw a few whispers being exchanged, more gazes drawn to them with each passed on piece of juicy gossip, like a nightmare game of telephone. Her panicked eyes flew back to meet Billy's and his gaze was unchanged, apart from now there was a subtle glimmer of jubilation in his eyes. His eyebrow flicked up in that all too familiar taunt, the one that was often unequal parts endearing or infuriating depending on the situation, the one that always asked her with silent biting mockery what else she had really expected? His grip on her relaxed, as if telling her the damage was too extensive to escape now, it didn't matter what her reaction was because all the hiding in the shadows was done.

Joss' instinct was to throw off his hand and dash back up those stairs, find a room to hide in, bolt the door tightly against the world and wait for this all to pass, but she knew that wasn't an option anymore. Enough people had seen them together, soon the rumours would be rippling through the entire party. This was over, whatever game she and Billy had been playing all this time, he'd out maneuverer her. He'd won.

Joss had a choice in those next few seconds, to react in anger and resist this fate, or to accept it and finally allow herself to settle into the role Billy wanted her to play. She surprised herself, the heavy weight of so many eyes making the choice far too easy, and her grip tightened upon his hand, the only thing she had left to clutch onto through this foreign and slightly terrifying new world. Joss started to follow his lead down the stairs, announcing openly that they were an item.

They reached the ground floor and Tommy instantly came over to talk to Billy a moment, handing him a fresh beer as if he'd been tirelessly searching the crowd to deliver the offering. He had a lot to say about the party, who had already embarrassed themselves, who was worthy of ridicule, who was hot, or not, and how great or awful the music had been. He jabbered on about how much he'd already drank and how wrecked he intended to be by the end of the night. A babble of noise that Joss stood and listened to without really hearing any of it, too focused on trying not to notice all those heavy eyes upon her, judging her, keeping her focus on the warmth of Billy's palm against her own, the touch feeling secure and reassuringly real.

Tommy's eyes flicked to her every few seconds as if silently evaluating and processing this new development. Joss could tell Tommy knew her face, the flicker of recognition passing over his slightly drunken expression all too plainly. Maybe he didn't know her name, but he had seen her somewhere around school, and he played off the meeting as completely normal, even asked if he could get her a drink, almost giving her the social reverence he'd already given Billy. Billy casually brushed off the request, saying he and Joss were just fine as they were.

When Tommy had said all he wanted to say, he made off in the direction of the kitchen and Billy turned back to Joss, offering her a sip of his beer, bringing the cup to her lips as if showing her off to the entire room. Joss allowed it, and before she'd swallowed that gulp, he'd moved and kissed her, hard, drawing the beer back out of her mouth into his own, before pulling back with a self satisfied look upon his face.

"See? Not so bad."

Joss smiled in agreement, but it felt forced, because that was exactly what this whole situation was. He'd used her own lust against her, weakening her defences and making her not see all those waving red flags that had been there tonight. He'd finally put an end to this constant hot and cold dynamic, and part of her applauded him for having the guts to put his foot down and make that final checkmate instead of growing bored of the game.

Most of all in that moment Joss felt a strange kind of relief, that all the secrets and lies and hiding were over. As much as she'd tried to keep up the façade of wanting to be alone, to be no one, it was exhausting. This suddenly seemed like a type of freedom, maybe not the one she'd wanted, but it felt like a step forward, even if it did feel like it had been taken at gunpoint.

She told herself over and over that Billy had tried, he'd changed for her, hadn't he? When she'd said she didn't like him being a jealous asshole over he speaking to Jonathan Byers he'd stopped, made an effort. True, he hadn't really apologized, but he'd adjusted his behaviour, and didn't actions speak louder than words? Wasn't it her turn? Billy had opened up about so much of his life that Joss would happily put money on the fact that she knew more about him than every single person in this house. Didn't she owe him something for that? Wasn't this just natural progression?

A few more of Billy's friends and admirers stopped by as they continued to share that one beer between them. Each person giving Joss a once over and then seeming to accept her. Some even asked if she was having a good time, one asked if she went to school in a different town, clearly having no idea that she went to Hawkins High at all. They were all friendly and welcoming, and it felt so easy to be stood here beside Billy, he made it all feel effortless.

Billy drew her into a few dark corners to make out, solidifying that they were openly together, before getting them both another drink, leading her everywhere as if they were attached by their hands, and as the extra beer began to work on her mind, Joss started to actually enjoy herself.

Someone had made typical Golden Circle sunshine punch that had various fruits bobbing in the large crystal bowl. They waited their turn to take a scoop with red solo cups, discussing in droll drunken snippets and flashing smiles towards each other about how lame the choice of music was. Billy threatened to go find something good to play so that they could dance, which made Joss dissolve into more drunken laughter. When they'd got their drinks, Billy downed his in one go and then pulled Joss forward, catching her around the waist and holding a plump strawberry between his lips for her to take, and although it made her feel like a circus animal, she did, his mouth grinding into hers in reward as she heard Tommy let out a whoop and lewdly shout that they should get a room.

The amount of alcohol they'd drank made them both unsteady as they pulled back to Tommy's approval of their lusty display, urging them on, making Joss blush furiously, which Tommy's girlfriend, Carol, deemed 'Too cute!' in a overly sugary insincere tone, and then half-heartedly chastised Tommy for being so vulgar, but Billy didn't seem to mind any of it one bit.

"Should we?" Billy said, with his usual flirty head tilt and lift of one eyebrow. "Can you go another round?"

Joss heard laughter and more whoops around them as Billy laid bare their private lives for the whole school to see, and Joss could feel herself wanting to squirm away, but fought against the impulse and coerced a smile onto her lips instead. The room was starting to sway just a little and that was enough to tell her she'd reached her limit on almost everything, but she still tried to push herself into that mould, contorting her mind to fit in to what she assumed was expected of her in this new position as Billy Hargrove's latest girlfriend.

"I think I'm too drunk," she giggled, leaning into him, hand snaking across his chest in open claim for anyone to see, and part of her hated the way she sounded, the way she touched him for the benefit of everyone else's gaze.

Billy brought his mouth hungrily to hers in a messy devouring kiss. "You can just lie there," he said when they broke apart, and a few more whoops and sounds of playful shock went up around them. "I'll do all the work, baby." He grinned, his palm sliding across her ass and squeezing, reminding Joss suddenly of the way he'd touched Trish at the water fountain all those many weeks ago.

Joss wanted to recoil at the memory, at his use of that hated nickname, at all of this, her discomfort trying to worm its way past all the alcohol into reality, but she was mostly gone in the haze and mood of playing this part for him.

Billy pulled back a little, licking his lips as if enjoying the taste of her, his hunger explicit, his hand remaining on the curve of her backside in blatant claim, the tenacious glint in his eyes telling her he wasn't about to back down from what he wanted.

"I'm too drunk," Joss protested weakly again, knowing that part of her was still fighting this, or at least trying to.

His hand grazed across her waist up towards her chest, only glancing a touch against her breasts before he settled a palm at the hollow of her throat, fingers curling around her neck in assertive ownership, pulling her into another hungry kiss. The open public display of desire was a declaration to everyone in the room, and a few girls whispered something unkind that Joss couldn't fully hear, but she knew it hadn't really been about Billy, the scorn and disapproval was all hers.

"I want you," Billy said huskily, and despite her discomfort Joss felt her whole body flare with a rush of delight at being so coveted, so envied, and those little whispered unkind voices chattered behind them again, one of them bringing up Trish's name in hushed tones. "Right now." Billy's voice was low and gruff and told Joss instantly there would be no further reasoning with him, he was set on having his way and all she could do was allow herself to be swept up in the moment, and he did exactly that, sweeping her off her feet and into his arms to more whoops of approval.

Joss' fingers clutched at his shirt for balance, and as their eyes met and held, she wanted to believe this was all about them, this heated sexually charged moment, that they were the stars of this romantic movie. But, she knew it wasn't true, even as he moved them through the crowd with unsteady drunken steps, taking them further into this charade.

That part of herself that was buried somewhere underneath all the beer and Sunshine Punch made a last ditch effort to push into her consciousness, and Joss felt that realization like icy water pouring into and sloshing around her stomach. In that moment she wanted so badly for the excessive amount of alcohol they'd drank to force Billy into making a mistake. She wanted him to clumsily drop her and make complete fools of them, and break the illusion, so she wouldn't have to find the strength to stop this going further.

Someone, somewhere must have heard her silent prayer, because suddenly Billy was stumbling, bumping into another body, the momentum causing some of that person's drink to splatter across them both, and Billy had no choice but to allow Joss to find her feet again.

"Sorry," Joss giggled, brushing the droplets from her skirt, the relief like taking a deep breath of air after being submerged under water. It took her a moment to realize and digest that Billy wasn't laughing, his body language suddenly on edge, angry, and in a flash he'd reached out, pulling the shirt of the poor guy that had caught the brunt of their stumble.

"Watch it, Byers!" Billy said, bringing Jonathan nose to nose with him.

Jonathan seemed to hesitate for a moment before pulling himself roughly out of Billy's grip, showing he was no coward, and no push over either.

Without provocation Billy then smacked Jonathan's beer cup, sending the remaining contents flying, the resulting act of aggression soaking into Jonathan's shirt.

"Billy, stop it was an accident," Joss said, placing herself firmly between them, her hands going to Billy's chest in what she hoped was a soothing touch. "It's just beer." It seemed like Billy wasn't even listening to her, that she wasn't there at all anymore, his eyes burning into Jonathan's, waiting for any igniting look or word to fully unleash his anger.

"You spilled beer all over us, what you gonna do about it, huh?"

Jonathan's eyes met Billy's in a determined glare, before his gaze softened and shifted to Joss, and that was all the provocation Billy needed.

"Take your eyes off my girl!" Billy growled, and Joss could almost see the hostility coming off him in waves. Jonathan instantly did as he was asked, his gaze meeting Billy's, daring him to throw the first punch, and in that moment Joss really thought that was exactly what was going to happen, and the world around her began to melt into panic, she was too damn drunk to deal with this!

"Back off! You are such a douche bag!" The abrupt, slightly slurred accusation brought Joss quickly out of her stunned attempts of trying to defuse the situation. A girl was striding a little unsteadily towards them, her eyes fixed pointedly on Billy, the alcohol she'd drank clearly giving her courage and no filter.

The music changed, altering the whole feel of the room, the sensual strains of a bass driven love ballad replaced by Mister Mr's melancholic 'Broken Wings', knocking Joss further out of the haze of illusion and drink. It felt like being slammed back into her body, the barrier of softness replaced by unforgiving reality, everything too vivid and loud and overwhelming. Someone suddenly turned down the volume on the music, the crowd's attention drawn hungrily to this growing confrontation.

"What's your problem, Wheeler?" Billy said, pulling Joss roughly to stand behind him, as if hiding a possession he didn't want stolen. "Can't you mind your own business for five minutes?"

"Not when you're threatening Jonathan. You asshole!"

"He bumped into me, maybe you should get your guy to be less clumsy, maybe he needs glasses, or a fucking clue," Billy snarled.

"Maybe you need to stop trying to start a fight with him over some girl you don't want to have any friends, you prick!"

Joss moved forward, wanting to understand what the hell this was about, because it didn't seem like the issue was really spilled beer. "What's going on?"

She noticed Billy's jaw muscle tighten, like he was annoyed she'd dare to speak up, and Joss got the distinct unpleasant feeling that if they hadn't been in a room full of people, he'd have vented all his anger on her in that moment, like this was somehow her fault.

"Your bad boy, wannabe rock star, boyfriend pushed Jonathan against the wall on the school trip the other day and threatened to smash his face in, did you know that?"

"N... no," Joss stammered, shocked in to not knowing what else to say, her brain working so much slower than she'd like after all that drinking.

"Told him to stay away from you. If he saw him near you again, he'd be sorry. Isn't that what you said, Billy?" She gave him a very sour smile. "Jonathan's too nice to say anything, but I'm not!"

"Gotta spoil everyone's fun." Billy was laughing, but the antagonistic reality of the situation was apparent in every single tense muscle of his body. "Good to see little loser Byers needs you to fight his battles, huh?"

"When are you going to learn that being some macho, thick skulled, mega asshole isn't going to work out for you?" the girl said, not backing down, her stubbornness almost as wilful as Billy's.

Jonathan trotted up to them, his hand reaching out to the girl, trying to calm the situation. "Nance, it's not the time. I'm fine. Let's go, okay?"

"Then when is the time? She deserves to know the truth about what a dick this guy is! He can't keep getting away with being the top tier asshole at school!"

Joss glanced from one to the other, the slow trickle of betrayal finally getting through the brain fog of too much alcohol, and the moment, the fantasy, was fully shattered. She shook Billy's hand off with a vicious pull and gave him a wide eyed look of contempt, her jaw clenching in such outrage that she couldn't have found any words even if she'd wanted to.

He had gone after Jonathan that day on the school trip, that's why he was so damn smug when he'd offered her a ride, he felt he'd won that battle. Joss had let her guard down and he'd taken advantage, he'd lied right to her face. The unkind thought slammed into her that he'd planned tonight, maybe ever since he saw her by the pool side, this had all been his goal, to pull her out into the greedy critical gaze of everyone. It all made sudden sickening sense.

Billy reached to grab hold of Joss again but was stopped in his tracks, hand still in mid-air, by the sound of another voice.

"Billy? What's going on?" The sound was of high pitched outrage and all eyes were drawn to Trish, who stood with hands on hips, like everyone in the room was in some kind of deep trouble. "Who the fuck is she?"

"Back off Trish, this doesn't have anything to do with you," Billy said, not even deeming her worthy of a look.

Trish gave out a little gasp of over dramatic pain and her friends were around her, consoling her in those same hushed barbed tones Joss had heard behind her back in the kitchen.

"Joss, look at me," Billy said a sharp sternness to his tone that demanded she yield as easily as she'd done back in that locked bedroom, his hand going to grab her wrist again, trying to force her to face him and listen, but Joss took an instinctive step backwards, avoiding his tenacious gaze and his grasp.

She could feel every single pair of eyes on her, noticing her, fully lapping up the scandal. This really was it, she couldn't go back into her little bolt hole now, everything was ruined. Her heart started an unpleasant rapid beat within her chest, her breathing becoming shallow, and Joss knew there was only one thing she could do, and her survival instincts took over.

Without a single second of hesitation, she ran, hoping with every part of her being Billy didn't dare follow.

"You got what you deserve!" Joss heard the girl sneer at Billy.

"Eat me!" Billy's vicious come back was full of sour rage, promising that this wasn't over.

/

It took Joss a little time of scanning the other rooms to find Lori. She was sitting on a sofa making out with some blond haired guy Joss instantly remembered from outside, the one that had interrupted Billy's near kiss with Trish, Johnny somebody. It didn't matter, Lori could hate her later for breaking up the steamy session with her apparent crush.

"Lori!"

The couple near jumped apart at her sudden interjection.

"I have to go, so I'll catch you later, okay?" Joss said, sounding breathless and panicked.

Lori glanced at the guy, a nervous blush flushing her face, before Joss' words seemed to seep through. "You're leaving? Now? What? Why?"

"I have to go, right now!" Joss said, bouncing on the balls of her feet, part of her wishing she'd just left instead of giving Lori a heads up, but knowing that would have felt too callous, to leave her friend alone to wonder where the heck she had gone.

"Okay, well, I'll come too."

"No!" Joss' voice rose. "Stay and have fun, I have to go." She was already turning to leave, but Lori reached out, grabbing her arm, giving her no choice but to be still for a few seconds.

"No, I'll come with you," Lori said determinedly, and gave Johnny whoever a smile. "See you on Monday?" She pushed a kiss to his lips as he mumbled out a confused 'yeah', and then she was up on her feet. She came to keep pace with Joss who was already making her way out of the house, heading for the double back doors, past the pool and around and through the large side gate, avoiding the entire mess that was probably still going on inside that front lobby.

"What's happened?" Lori jogged a few steps to come and walk beside her. "Are you okay?"

"Can we just leave?" Joss said meekly.

"Okay." Lori fell silent as they came out onto the sidewalk and made their way hurriedly past the many dark silent houses, the distant beat of loud pop music straining against the warm night air.

Joss heard a shout ring out from behind them, and both girls turned to see what the commotion was about. Billy was stood outside, his eyes searching, trying to target and lock onto whatever it was he was looking for. He cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted again, this time they could hear his words clearly, even though his voice was slurred. "Joss!"

"Shit," Joss whispered under her breath, he was drunk and she knew there would be no reasoning with him, he was in full rampage mode. "Can you drive?" She turned to Lori with the reckless question.

"N... no," Lori stuttered. "I drank too much."

"Shit. Me too."

"Joss, hey!"

Joss could instantly tell he'd spotted them and was now coming in their direction, the realisation a unpleasant strike of electricity up her spine. Lori tried to glance back but Joss caught her arm, pulling her back into their quick pace. "Don't, we just have to go, now!"

"Joss, what the hell is going on? Why is Billy Hargrove chasing after you?" They were both slightly out of breath now from the half jog they were doing.

"Because of my bad choices," Joss bit out sourly.

"What?" Lori said, gaping at her.

"Look I'll tell you later, okay. Can we please just go?"

"Go where, Joss? He's going to catch up to us unless we all out sprint away like some crazy people." Lori gestured frantically behind them, and with a glance over her shoulder, Joss saw her friend was right, he was only around fifty feet away now and gaining, his gait relentless, his target set and unmovable, just like a god damn Terminator.

"Hey, Joss, stop!" he demanded, and she knew he was furious.

"Fuck." The word fell out of Joss' mouth like a bitter curse, her mind frantically trying to think of any way out of this, but the numbing alcohol made it hard, too hard. It really was over and she fought the urge to give up and collapse to the ground in full defeat.

Maybe someone really was listening to her desperate prayers because it felt like her pathetic need was answered as a car suddenly came screeching on its brakes beside the sidewalk, making them both take a shocked step backwards. The girl Joss had seen confronting Billy leant out of the car window. "Get in," she said, thumbing towards the back seat.

Both girls piled in and closed the doors just before Billy reached them. The wheels spun a moment as Jonathan pushed down hard on the gas, and they took off, leaving Billy to make just a glancing smack at the car roof, his angry shouts becoming distant muffled rage as they drove away.

"That was fucking dramatic!" Lori said, flopping back into her seat. Joss stared at her in shock, never remembering hearing her swear that harshly before. "Joss, what is going on?"

"Nothing," Joss mumbled, turning her attention to the other two people in the car.

"Nothing, okay, sure," Lori whispered under her breath, before Joss gave her an impatient look, and Lori replied by crossing her arms in open rebellion.

"Thanks, for the rescue," Joss said, turning her gaze back to the front of the car again, feeling the whole situation had been far too theatrical. "I mean, from the hellish depths of a damn awkward argument I didn't want to have in front of the whole school tonight."

"Well, we saw you as we were leaving, and it seemed the right thing to do," the girl said, and Jonathan nodded in agreement.

"This is Nancy," he said, and the girl put out her hand in an unwieldy handshake over the headrest.

"Hi," Nancy smiled.

"Joss," Joss offered sheepishly, and a beat of silence passed before she found the confidence to add more. "Is what you said true, about Billy threatening Jonathan, I mean?"

"Yeah." Nancy glanced over at Jonathan. "I think he should tell you, though."

Jonathan looked very uncomfortable. "He threatened to mess me up the other day, on the school trip, just before we left, if I didn't stay away from you. I wasn't going to say anything, like I said it's your life. I guess Billy wanted to make sure I understood when he thought I got to close for his liking tonight, by just standing there minding my own business." He looked in the rear view mirror at her. "I didn't know Nancy would confront him."

Joss' mind couldn't help going back to that day on the school trip, Billy getting angry and storming off, then seeming to be back to his smug self later. That lingering look he had given Jonathan at the car... So his good behaviour had lasted less than a few hours. It also explained why Billy had been so keen to reinstate that power balance at his house later too.

"I wasn't going to let him off, he attacked you, Jonathan!" Nancy put in.

"I dunno if you can really attack someone with just spilled beer, but he did it on purpose, he wanted a fight," Jonathan said, his attempt at defusing how serious the situation could have become obvious to everyone in the car.

Joss felt a little sick, she'd given in tonight, she'd let Billy finally have his way, and it still hadn't been enough. The moment he'd seen Jonathan, he'd deliberately gone after him, like he couldn't help himself, beating his chest and telling everyone that Joss was his. A possession to be fought over.

"Shit, I'm sorry Jonathan." Joss felt like curling in on herself and disappearing. "I feel like an idiot." She felt tears welling in her eyes and her face flushed hot with embarrassment as she tried hard to push it all back down, feeling she'd been humiliated enough tonight in front of strangers.

"Hey," Nancy said, stilling Joss' fast approaching anxiety attack. "It's not your fault." She reached out, touching Joss' leg with a sympathetic look. "We've all been there with some asshole guy, right?"

"You have?" Jonathan asked, and light laughter lifted the dour mood inside the car.

Chapter Text

Joss stood looking out of the window, watching the gentle breeze blowing the leaves and branches of unfamiliar trees, and she turned back into the strange, new surroundings of Lori's bedroom.

"Thanks, for letting me stay over." Joss hadn't wanted to go home, not after what had happened. She knew there was far too high a chance of a late night visitor, and it would be the last person on Earth she wanted to see.

Lori plumped the pillow at the head of Joss' makeshift bed on the floor. "It's okay, really. It was all just a little," she hesitated, "dramatic." Lori winced at the word.

"Dramatic is an under statement. I'm going to have nowhere to hide come Monday." Joss slowly dropped down on to the laid out sleeping bag, feeling hopeless and burying her head in her knees, grateful for Lori's kindness and the cool short pyjama set she'd been loaned.

The nearby radio played out pop tunes, too low to disturb the rest of the house. Currently Laura Branigan's 'Self Control's smooth rhythm swirled softly around them.

"It might not be that bad." There was no conviction in Lori's voice.

"You and I both know there is no way it's not going to be that bad," Joss mumbled, reticent towards this whole conversation, or lifting her head to face reality.

"For someone that avoids almost... everything, it might be a bit... overwhelming to be the main feature of gossip for a few days." Lori sat on the edge of her own bed. "But I mean, I bet loads of girls will be jealous, that can't be too bad, right? I mean there is good bad gossip, like no publicity is bad publicity, right?" She looked confused. "You know what I mean."

"I don't want jealous girls hexing my back every time I walk by, and I don't want to be talked about," Joss sulked.

"Well, it's going to happen unless you move... then it'll still happen, but you just won't hear it," Lori said with a hopeless air.

"I have to take the exams and finish the year." Joss groaned, flopping fully on to her back. "I can't just take off. I really want to, but my mom would literally kill me. She thinks I'm fine on my own, I've earned that trust by never doing anything wrong, ever. Throughout high school, here in Hawkins, I've been goddamn perfect to her ears. She'd never trust me again if I just... ran off." The thought of all the drama that would cause made Joss feel an unpleasant lump form in her throat. Her mom's angry, disappointed face hovering in her mind's eye, lips forming the dreaded words of 'I knew you should have stayed with your father!' An accusation that sounded all too easily like this was all somehow Joss' own fault.

"It must be hard," Lori said softly, and Joss cocked a questioning brow at her. "Not having them, either of your parents I mean, around. Having to act a certain way, like you don't need them. It must suck sometimes."

"It sucks all the time," Joss said, with a bitterness she hadn't expected. "But not as much as it sucked living with them." The bitterness turned into something unpleasant and fetid, and Joss forced herself to swallow it all down before it escaped her lips in an over sharing mess.

"But, do you think, maybe, you should call your mom? Let her know you are having a hard time? Maybe-"

"No." Joss butted in before Lori could finish. "She can't know anything about this, it took her a whole year to stop trying to smother me when she started her new job. I can't... live with her again, we just aren't compatible. We rub each other the wrong way. It's intolerable." Joss huffed, annoyed Lori had even suggested such a thing, but knew she was being unreasonable because Lori didn't understand the years of build up that had caused this, all the fights and slammed doors and unkind words.

"Okay, okay. No parents," Lori placated.

"I just have to find a way to get through the next few weeks, without it killing me," Joss said, deliberately changing the subject.

"I know, you have to stick it out and that feels like, super impossible right now, but it's always worse in the run up to something bad. My mom always said that about getting shots, you know? It's not so bad once it's been and gone. It'll only be for a day or so, maybe." Lori tried to reassure, but her expression was full of barely concealed pity.

Joss groaned again, pulling the pillow over her face and let out a muffled cuss word into the feathered stuffing.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Billy, or do we have to play twenty questions?"

Joss peeked out from beneath the pillow. "I don't want to talk about it." She sounded like a sullen child.

"Oh come on, that's not fair! I've just been in the very middle of whatever is going on. You owe me some kind of explanation. I don't wanna just assume stuff, or hear it as gossip, I want it from your mouth, Joss. I'm giving you a chance to set the story straight."

Joss sat up and rolled her shoulders, knowing this was just one of the things she was going to have to face in the coming days. This was probably going to be the easiest, because she knew Lori would be mad, but she wouldn't hate her... or at least Joss hoped that was true.

"It just kinda happened," Joss said, giving in and deciding to let it all out in one big statement. "He came by the arcade looking for his step sister and we got talking. Found out we liked the same kind of music and movies, and I guess we became... friends?" Joss hadn't meant to phrase it as a question, but that's how it came out.

"Friends? He didn't look super friendly running after us," Lori said with an expectant look at Joss. "He looked like he thought you guys were an item, officially dating, and was pissed you didn't want to agree."

"We aren't, it's not... dating," Joss finished limply.

"How long have you guys known each other as friends?" Lori said, her eyes not moving from studying Joss' face.

"A while." Joss shrugged, instantly realizing she did this action far too often to try and play off her own uncomfortable feelings.

"Wait!" Lori said, suddenly sitting up straight, her sharp voice making Joss wince at the prospect of waking up anyone else in the house. "He's Jerry, right?!"

Joss slowly pulled her knees to her chest, her defensive instinct was to become a smaller target, less exposed. She wanted to admit it, to just be honest, but the words wouldn't come, like they would somehow curse her with the mere utterance of a single sentence, but that silence still ended up being her dirty confession. Not only about Billy, but also about how dishonest she had been these last few months.

"Why did you lie about it? I thought we were friends?" Lori sounded hurt and Joss wanted the floor to open up and swallow her whole.

"We are." Joss tried to protest. "I really didn't want to be open about it to anyone. I didn't want anyone to know Billy and I even knew each other, never mind... more. I was ashamed." That stung because Joss realized she was, and didn't really understand why. "I don't know. It's hard to explain."

"But, hasn't he been with Trish all this time? I mean, I know he broke it off with her recently, but you told me about Jerry weeks and weeks ago."

"He said she wasn't really his girlfriend." Joss took in a deep breath.

"Wait, you believed that? They are a known on and off again couple. You knew that, Joss!" Lori looked a little scandalized. "So, you were like, the other woman and you knew it?"

"Like I said, it's hard to explain. He said Trish knew too, that they were kinda friends with benefits, and just made it look like they were dating at school. I don't know how true that is." Joss felt more shame crowding in, because she knew she hadn't really cared either, not until now, not until she'd been called out on her behavior.

Lori let out an unconvinced huff. "No duh! Trish has been making a fuss over the break up, so I guess it was something more to her." Lori shook her head, all the thoughts of what this now meant flooding her mind. "If Trish finds out you were with Billy-"

"I'm dead?" Joss deadpanned. "Yeah, I know."

"Well, I guess as far as she knows, you guys only met at the party tonight." Lori blew her feathered bangs out of her eyes with a frustrated breath. "We just have to make sure that's all she ever knows."

Joss glanced up at Lori, feeling her eyes suddenly start to sting because she had said 'we' not 'you', and Joss wished she could express, or even just mumble out, how much that meant to her, that Lori wasn't abandoning her to this fate alone. But it somehow felt tacky to blurt it out, so she made an effort to remain on topic.

"I think Nancy made that impossible, since she mentioned the school trip in front of half the student body. So they'll all know I knew him before the party." Joss said.

"Okay, that makes things a little tricky." Lori's expression became serious as she attempted to think of a way out of this. "So, let's just say you knew each other for about a week or so, okay? We don't have to give them an exact timeline, just if anyone asks you've only known him for a few weeks at most, got it?"

"Got it," Joss said, thankful for the continued support, still not fully understanding why Lori was being so understanding, so kind. Joss didn't feel like she'd done anything to deserve it, even less so after dumping all this drama at her friend's feet. "I think that's the best I can hope for," Joss said, accepting the cards fate had finally dealt her. "It was always going to happen at some point, I knew it would, that it would come out, but I just couldn't stop. I really tried, I swear, I tried avoiding him, but it always just... happened."

"You make it sound like an addiction or something," Lori said with a note of teasing, trying to lighten the heavy mood.

Joss shrugged, but the smile she wanted to express to play this off as casual or funny, never found her lips. "It felt like it." Lori's eyes widened just a little and Joss rushed to reassure her. "Not that I know what being addicted to something is like, but I can imagine it felt like... that, kinda," she ended limply. "He made me feel, like, I don't know, I mattered. Being with him was like releasing every single thing I kept locked up, like I could breathe, and I just wanted that feeling all the time, it was-"

Joss paused, pulling herself back from confessing too much, of admitting how similar those highs with Billy felt to slicing a blade across her thigh, how the rushes were so alike and yet worlds apart. "I'm sorry I lied to you," she finally said, getting back on track to what really mattered. "I didn't mean to, it got out of hand and before I knew it, I was making up cover stories. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. If Trish is hurt, I'm sorry about that too. It was never meant to get this... big."

No matter what Joss tried to tell her friend now, the ugly fact still stood that when Joss had met Billy, that first time they'd taken a ride in his car, she had known he was dating some girl and she'd still kissed him. She'd still let him stay at her house. She'd still fucked him in the community pool changing rooms. Joss had some knowledge, even if she didn't know all the nuances of whatever relationship Billy and Trish had. Joss hadn't cared because all that mattered was how she'd felt, what she wanted. The biting truth was she hadn't wanted to deal with any of the messy aspects, so she'd pretended they didn't exist, that she was somehow outside of all the social bullshit.

Lori let out a sigh. "Well, the cat is out of the bag now, you can't put it back in," she said with a true note of sympathy. "I get why you didn't tell me, but it hurts, to know you don't trust me."

Joss didn't feel she had any reply to that, because she knew it was true. "I'm sorry," she whispered again. "I don't know how to trust anyone... I-" The words wouldn't come and she placed her brow against her knees again. She wanted to tell Lori so much, to spill all her guts and finally let it all out, to bemoan how she had almost trusted Billy, and look what had happened? It was all such a mess.

"You can't go through life not trusting anyone, Joss, you have to let people in sometimes," Lori whispered gently, the true caring so clear in her voice that Joss felt tears welling up in her eyes all over again and didn't lift her head until the inclination had fully passed. Not ready to show that level of weakness to anyone yet.

"Wait, by addiction... what exactly do you mean?" Lori said, realizing more. "You said you and Jerry did the deed, is that what you mean? Did you really... do it with Billy?"

Joss gave her what she hoped was an inscrutable look, but apparently was actually a full uncensored confession.

"Oh my god! You did!"

Joss didn't reply.

"Oh my god," Lori breathed, the veil finally fully lifting and revealing the extent and scope of everything. "The love bites! That was Billy Hargrove?"

Joss allowed her head to nod once.

"Oh my god," Lori repeated, not making Joss feel any less anxious about this whole situation with how breathlessly scandalous she made it all sound "You were the girl at Starcourt cinema, right?"

Joss gave another nod.

"Did he try and get too fresh? Did you slap him?" Lori's eyes were wide and feverish with how much gossip this was feeding into her brain.

"No, I didn't hit him. He just played a joke on me with a hot dog and I... kinda freaked out."

"A hot dog?!"

Joss could see Lori's mind working overtime.

"And in the hallway the other week, when he offered us a ride home, you guys had already done... the whole deed?"

Joss again gave a nod.

"Oh my god," Lori repeated with a breathless sigh. "Is he... good... I mean... was it like, good with him?" She paused, her face flushing slightly. "I mean I don't want to be like, grody about it, but..."

Joss hesitated, but feeling she owed Lori something for her loyalty, she nodded again.

"Oh my god! I mean, I knew he liked you. But I just never thought you guys were in so deep!" Lori said with a gleeful squeak.

The words prickled Joss' skin. "Wait. What? You knew he liked me?"

"Well, yeah. He was always checking you out at school, remember? I thought he had a crush, and I thought," Lori was clearly on a roll, the gossip train taking over so easily, "after he'd broken up with Trish, wouldn't it be great if you got together and forgot that Jerry guy. Obviously I didn't know he was that Jerry guy." Lori cleared her throat and reached for a glass of water on her bedside table, taking a moment to sip at the liquid and think over her next words. "I thought, maybe, it'd be kinda awesome if one of the most popular guys at school brought you out of your shell. It'd be the perfect plot of a romantic movie, so I just thought, you know, I'd give it a little... push." She lifted her shoulders but her expression was now uneasy, perhaps even verging upon being guilty.

Joss really didn't like the sound of where this was all heading. "Lori, what did you do?"

"I mean, nothing bad, maybe? Well, I knew you'd be mad if you found out I'd been sticking my nose into your love life and trying to set you up, but Joss, you were so insular, you know? So unhappy and lonely. And that jerk Jerry was jerking you around, and I wanted to help. I wanted you to grow and have fun and just like, have a blast in your last weeks of high school. I just-"

"Lori?" Joss said, cutting off any further ramblings that didn't really answer her question.

Lori took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and seemed to accept there was no other way around this than disclosing the truth. "I went and talked to him about it, about him checking you out, to see if I was right." Lori cringed at her own words.

"Lori! What exactly did you talk about?" Joss' heart was speeding up in her chest, that terrible sensation of nervous anxiety making her feel on edge.

"I told him I saw him looking, and I just asked if he was into you," Lori said, with a shrug that also barely held another cringe at bay.

Joss felt like she was waiting on pins and needles for the answer, even though she truly didn't want to hear any of this. "And?" she finally prompted when Lori seemed disinclined to add more.

"At first he kinda laughed at me, said he didn't know what I was talking about. I couldn't get him fully alone because his group of friends are never far, especially the girls, they're always around." Lori saw the horrified look upon Joss' face and rushed to reassure her. "I was like, super discreet, I swear. They didn't hear anything I said, and he made me feel super dumb for asking. So, I backed all the way off."

"Okay, that's a relief," Joss said, her mind too focused upon something else to care about that offered lull of reprieve. "Wait, you said at first?" Her brain was starting to catch up that this wasn't the whole story yet.

Lori frowned, ignoring Joss' question for a moment. "He lied right to my face, the scumbag! He was already seeing you by then, and he acted like I was some crazy chick bothering him. He made me feel like such a loser! Now I really don't feel bad for teasing him."

"Teasing him?" Joss' brow furrowed.

"Well, every time after that, when I saw him checking you out, I'd stare at him until he knew I saw him. Like he couldn't just carry on denying it if I could see him doing it, you know? So I guessed it'd either make him do something, like, actually talk to you, or leave you alone. I know you hate all that attention so I was trying to protect your interests, before other people noticed too."

"But, that only happened like two times," Joss protested.

Lori let out a little giggle. "Joss, you are so clueless, he was looking way more than those times, you just weren't paying attention. And sometimes he was kinda sneaky about it, when other people were around, but I always clocked him. I think he kinda started to hate me because he'd always get this super annoyed, broody, frowny look when I caught him out. Like I was spoiling all his fun, and I kinda found that funny." Lori suppressed another giggle, knowing this really wasn't the time.

Joss' mind raced, this whole drama had been going on without her having any knowledge of it. It felt weird to have been so completely oblivious.

"Finally, on Thursday morning he came over when no one else was around, and he didn't admit to outright liking you, but, like, this is Billy Hargrove we are talking about, sometimes people like that they, I guess-"

"Lori?" Joss said, stopping her friend going on a different tangent.

"Yeah, so, he asked me, to ask you, to go to the party tonight. I thought it was kind of cute at the time. Like he was too nervous to ask you himself or something."

"And you didn't think to mention this to me?" Joss asked with a sceptical raise of one eyebrow.

"He didn't want you to know he'd asked. He just said to make sure you went. He told me to tell Johnny when you were kinda alone, so he could go talk to you. So, when you went outside, I sent Johnny out with the message. I mean, I thought it was kind of adorable for such a bad reputation guy to be so shy..." Lori caught sight of Joss' disbelieving expression and paused, the reality trickling in slowly. "Oh, but I guess that wasn't it, huh? He was playing me, right?"

"Hard," Joss said, flopping back onto her pillow.

"He just seemed so charming, you know? It felt kinda exciting, like I was a spy, or something. And he had this smile that kinda just melts you, you know?"

Oh, yes, Joss knew that exact goddamn smile.

"And he said he'd put in a good word with Johnny, and you saw that worked out really well." Lori smiled and hugged herself, clearly remembering her make out session earlier. "Sorry," she said, seeing Joss' thunderous expression.

"So you sold me out for a heavy petting session with your crush?" Joss said unkindly.

"Well, no, because I thought it was cute, Billy having a thing for you. I was trying to help. I mean, Joss, you know what I mean!"

Joss rolled on to her side, knowing she felt angry at Lori for no good reason, she had only been trying to be a good friend. All Lori had heard was Joss complaining about some guy she was on and off again seeing, what friend wouldn't want to give someone a little push into a situation that felt better?

"Maybe he's not such a bad guy? He's really, really hot, and he seems kind of cool. Apart from the mishandling of Byers I mean... and all the fights... and bullying... and all the girls... I mean he could be cool, right?" Lori sounded like she was grasping for excuse after excuse that she knew wouldn't really stand up to much scrutiny.

Joss shook her head into the pillow. "No, Nancy is right, he's an asshole. He knew I wouldn't go to that party if he asked me, so he got you to do his dirty work." She glanced up at Lori who was trying very hard to understand this whole situation. "Even though I said I didn't want to make whatever we... were... doing public, that is exactly what he was trying to do tonight. Show us off to everyone so I had nowhere to hide. It felt like a damn trap and I nearly fell right into it." Joss shook her head, correcting herself with a pained expression. "I did fall right into it. I knew he was being kinda intense and weird when we went upstairs-"

"Wait, upstairs?"

Joss tried to fight the blush that wanted to suddenly flood her face. "We, you know, upstairs, and he was being super weird about it."

Lori was leaning forward now, eager to hear every juicy detail. "You mean, you guys had sex at the party?"

"Yeah, he was... insistent, and I was... into it I guess," Joss said, and the flood of heat bypassed her barricade of will and she buried her face back into the pillow.

"Oh," Lori said, for the first time sounding somewhat speechless. "So, that was what everyone was talking about."

"Everyone?" Joss squeaked, jerking herself out of her moping to look over at Lori. "What do you mean everyone?"

"Okay, so don't wig out." Lori sounded like she knew that was an unreasonable request. "But the whole place was buzzing with talk of some girl, like, moaning upstairs. I guess that was probably you?"

Joss flopped down back onto her pillow again, pushing the heels of her palms to her eyes, as if this action could somehow wipe her memory clean. "Oh god. Jesus fucking Christ." Joss gasped, feeling like the world was crumbling around her. "Shit, this is a nightmare. A complete nightmare."

"Look, just like, calm down, take some deep breaths, like this." Lori demonstrated, taking in a breath through her nose and then slowly letting it out through slightly pursed lips. Joss copied her, until her blood felt like it wasn't trying to boil within her own body. "It's going to be okay. So, you had loud sex with the most sought after guy in high school, I mean, so what, right?" Lori was trying so hard to be helpful but nothing was going to help Joss through this.

Joss shook her head. "I walked right into it like an idiot. The booze, the party, I let my stupid guard down and he paraded us before everyone on purpose. He fucking planned it! I can't run from that, everyone already saw it and... heard it. That's what he wanted, it's what he's always wanted."

"Like... forcing you to go steady?" Lori pulled a face as if she had tasted something gross.

Joss nodded. "Sometimes, I feel like it's the only reason he really wants me, because he feels I'm hard to get and I won't do what he wants. Like it's a game to win me, or something." Joss fidgeted, looking down at her hands, knowing that was probably the unkindest reading she could give about what she and Billy had, but tonight had felt like an ambush, and he'd gone behind her back on purpose to manipulate her into a position she wouldn't be able to get out of. Even if he hadn't done all this out of malicious intent, but some fucked up romantic notion of getting them together, it had still resulted in outing her completely. That outcome was something he was fully aware she didn't want, and that felt deliberately callous and selfish, he'd only been thinking about what he wanted.

"And once he gets me, he'll get bored real fast and be on to the next shiny thing that attracts his attention." That was still Joss' worst fear, being bypassed and forgotten, discarded, but for the first time, it really felt like it could be true, because if he had done this, knowing all her wounds, all her pain, didn't that mean he was capable of anything? She really didn't know him at all, and that hurt more than anything else that had happened tonight.

"Sounds like a complete psycho," Lori said, lying back on her bed, her harsh words meant to support Joss, but Joss found she was fighting back the urge to defend him, while still wanting to damn him all the way to hell. "I guess all the rumours I heard about him being kinda crazy were true. He just always seems so..." Lori paused, trying to think of the right word.

"Charming?" Joss finished. "The way he acts is just a front, to control other people, to get them to do what he wants. Everything, his looks, his body, it's an act. I don't know if anyone ever really sees the real Billy Hargrove." She felt ruthless and slightly petty for saying it, but also strangely vindicated, because even if she didn't really believe all of those cruel words completely, it felt good to let off steam.

/

Joss woke up the next morning with her head throbbing and her mouth feeling like she'd tried to swallow a sock whole in her sleep. Lori's mom was already downstairs making them pancakes with thick Greek yogurt, served with fresh peaches and strawberries, which both girls devoured with renewed appetites once they managed to shuffle, zombie-like, down to the kitchen table.

Lori's mom went on and on about how nice it was to finally have Joss stay over. How was her mother? How were her grades? What were her plans for the Summer? And a million other questions Joss had not been asked by an adult since she was a kid.

It was like being bathed in sunlight, warm and comforting, while also feeling like it could all turn to sunburn at any moment. Joss didn't really know how to deal with so much parental attention.

Joss refused the orange juice offered and opted for a cup of black tea which Lori's mom seemed very proud of being able to make in the proper fashion, the teabag placed in a teapot and left to steep for several minutes in freshly boiled water, then poured into dainty china cups with a splash of milk, turning the brown liquid to a honeyed golden colour. Mrs Jensen's father had been from Kent in England, apparently, and brought his quaint tradition with him when he emigrated.

Upon being questioned for the third time as to why they both looked like death, Lori made up a thin story that they had danced too much and drank so little water at the 'zero policy of alcohol' party that they had both become dehydrated, a tale that did not seem to fool Lori's mom one bit.

They washed and dressed, Lori being kind enough to lend Joss one of her simple light denim dresses and a wide leather belt. Just before noon they decided they had to go back and get the car, and trudged the few miles in the burning hot sun to the road they had left it on the night before.

The walk was pretty silent with only a few attempts at small talk as both processed the situation. Joss began to feel a small twist of concern growing within her. What if she'd disappointed Lori with all this drama? Wasn't she meant to be the easy breezy friend that was fun to talk to in the halls with no heavy baggage?

"I heard..." Lori said, breaking the rather morose silence, "they are having another party here tonight, and a bonfire out somewhere on Sunday." Lori glanced over. "But, I wasn't invited to any of those. I guess Billy will be at both, given how popular he is. I just thought you'd want to know, he probably won't be around tonight."

"Thanks," Joss said, understanding Lori's meaning well. If Billy was too busy at a party he'd be too busy to come bother her. Joss didn't think it was the time to mention that Billy might be somewhere else tonight, at the biker bar on Carson's Way, watching a band Joss had been looking forward to seeing for weeks.

The wide street where the big house stood bore little signs of the hard night of partying from the evening before at a distance, but it was hard not to see the puddles of splattered vomit on the lawn once they drew closer. Something for Richie Rich or Richette, the owner, to clean up before the next party tonight.

They got into the car and sat with the doors wide open, trying to let out the sweltering, stuffy air that the mid afternoon sun had caused to build inside, the car idling as the radio blared out constant popular songs. Bryan Adams and Tina Turner's duet of 'It's Only Love' was doing it's best to bridge the awkward silence.

"Look," Lori said after another beat of stilted quiet. "I don't fully understand what's going on with you and all the stuff you've been caught up in lately, but I know it's freaking you out. It feels like I'm sitting next to a skittish cat."

"Thanks," Joss said, coolly trying to downplay her own feelings.

They closed the doors and Lori began to drive.

"I mean, I do get some of it, like after what you told me about what Billy did, I get why you don't want to be like, his official girlfriend and stuff. I get that's the harder choice because, come Monday, people might expect you to be a couple and... I get that isn't everything, not the only problem or whatever, and you might not want to talk about it all, and that's cool."

"Yeah, it's a... mess at the very best," Joss said, feeling intensely uncomfortable.

"Yeah, it is, but, like, whatever mess you think you've gotten into, I'm here, if you need me, or a bed, a place to get away, I'm here."

Joss looked over at her in surprise, the words suddenly loosening the knot she had been feeling.

"I know we don't hang out much after school," Lori continued, "but I always considered you a good friend. I hope you feel the same."

Joss had never really stopped to consider what her near daily interactions with Lori meant until recently, too concerned with having another uneventful day.

"I know..." Joss began, feeling her mouth go suddenly dry, "I'm not the greatest friend to have, but I do feel lucky to have you."

Lori smiled but it was a little strained. "I do remember you, you know? From middle school."

The words felt like someone had just smashed an inner alarm bell inside Joss' chest, and her eyes flew to Lori, wide and fearful, her heart hammering so hard that she was afraid it would drown out the music. "Remember?" She pushed out the word, wanting it to sound dismissive instead of high and panicked.

"I know you don't think anyone does, and I don't know if I'm the only one that does. No one's said anything about it, so I guess, they don't?"

Joss wanted to let out a dismissive laugh, to ask what Lori was talking about, try and say something, anything that would keep her covert cover intact, but even she knew everything had gone way past that point now. There would be no more hiding and pretending she didn't exist, not after last night.

"I remember watching you suffer every day, and I remember, I did nothing to help. I was too scared, those kids had locked on to you as their new chew toy and I didn't want to end up where you were."

Joss took in a shaky breath but didn't say anything.

"I remember what happened that day on the stairs too. I still see it sometimes, in my dreams, my nightmares. You are going up the stairs and I'm screaming at you to stop, but nothing comes out and you don't hear me. I had that same nightmare every time I had exams or when I was really sick, or a guy dumped me... My mom says they are stress induced, I don't know." Lori sighed again. "What happened to you that day, was terrible, it was freaking terrible, no kid should have to go through that. It should never have happened. You didn't do anything to deserve it, even if you were the weird kid, there's no excuse. Those kids were just nasty bullies."

Joss shifted in her seat in high discomfort, she had never heard anyone else talk about that time of her life or even that day, other than her parents, and not once had anyone told her that what had happened hadn't been her fault. It was always that things just got out of hand, or kids being kids. Lori was the first person that was there at the time to acknowledge it had all been wrong.

"Then you didn't come back and... it felt like it was too late to speak up and life just kinda went on and I forgot, until the nightmares came again for one reason or another."

Joss had started to nibble at her fingernails, pulling at one sore hangnail, trying to deal with all this sudden information in the only way she knew how, with a little jolt of pain to stop the emotions building into something that felt too much, trying to come to terms with the fact that Lori had always known her.

"When you came back, in high school and you weren't Sa-" Lori abruptly stopped talking, her eyes seeing how wide and fearful Joss' had become. "I mean, when you were Joss, and we were put in a lot of the same classes, and that bitch that always tormented you, Gina, ugh, remember her? She was always the ringleader."

How could Joss forgot that name and face, but she had tried.

"Her family had moved East, and school had settled without her constantly starting fights. When I saw you standing at the front, that first day in class, I didn't recognize you because you looked so different, but I got, like, a total feeling of déjà vu that I just couldn't shake, and the more I saw you around, the more it grew. One day my mom was going through old school books and she found a photo of us all on the netball team as kids in elementary, and I saw you, and it just all clicked into place that you were that same girl. After that I just wanted to reach out and be some kind of help this time. Not just stand on the side-lines, when just one friend can make the difference between having a target on your back and being left alone. So, I tried to become your friend." Lori took in a long breath through her nose. "I kinda felt you didn't want to get in too deep with anyone, so I didn't push, but I want to push now, Joss. I want to say sorry for letting those kids tear you to shreds every single day, and I want to be a friend that stands beside you now."

Joss felt tears pricking her eyes and blinked rapidly, trying to stop them forming.

Lori looked over, a lopsided smile on her face. "I hope all that stuff is not, like, totally weird. I feel like I'm confessing to being your stalker."

Joss smiled back, her tears easily welling over at the open honesty in Lori's voice. "No, it's actually pretty fucking sweet," Joss said, and laughed through her tears.

All these years Joss had been so focused on being invisible that she'd missed all the people that wanted to fully see her for all the right reasons. Joss reached out, squeezing Lori's hand as it rested on the gearstick, and both girls laughed at the emotional state they were in.

Chapter Text

Joss waved as Lori pulled away, feeling a kind of joy that made her want to run up to her bedroom and dance to something loud and fast.

Turning back to the front door, Joss opened it with her key, and as she moved to push it ajar, a piece of paper that had been jammed haphazardly in to the crack of the door frame came fluttering to the ground.

She stared at it a moment, like it was a dead rat, not wanting to touch it because she knew there was only one person that would push any note through her door. Finally she shook herself and mumbled that she was 'gutless' before bending down to scoop the tattered paper up. From the jagged and uneven edges it looked like it had been roughly torn from a school notebook. Joss unfolded it, turning it over, noticing one side was covered with a cluster of lazily done mathematical equations, while the other had a note. She scanned the scrawl of writing for a moment, re-reading it several times to make sure she'd understood every possible hidden meaning, before deciding it was most likely just a simple message of facts, although she was sure she could detect a tremor of anger in the bold spiky penmanship.

'Joss, I came by after the party but you weren't home. We need to talk. I'll come by tomorrow afternoon. Be home. Billy.'

At first glance it came across as a demand of her obedience, but Joss knew it probably had more to do with the sheer amount of beer he'd consumed last night. Even Billy wasn't reckless enough to have driven over here as drunk as he had been, so that meant he'd either gotten a ride or he'd staggered over several blocks from the party, which must have been a thirty minute walk at least. With the reveal of that thought, the short sharp written demands suddenly seemed less of a threat and more of a plea. Joss rolled her shoulders, trying to roll away any remaining empathy too, but it wanted to stick to her like glue.

She looked up from her pondering and cursed her awful timing as she noticed Billy's car already turning the corner of her street. If only she'd gotten back ten minutes earlier, she could have pretended she wasn't home, but it was too late for that, in the same way it was far too late for so many things. She watched on with a forced unemotional expression, accepting that this was happening whether she liked it or not, as he pulled into her driveway. With his usual heavy footed confident swagger Billy got out and walked over, giving her no real time to make a choice on if she wanted to stand there and listen or slam the door in his face.

Joss crumpled the paper in her hand into a ball of frustration as she tried to control her own sudden rush of anger at seeing him again, and at how calm and collected he looked, like last night had never happened. She had a million and one things she wanted to screamingly accuse him of. She wanted to tell him she was hurt, and have him give one single damn about it, to hold her and apologize and really mean it. But at the same time Joss wanted him to admit he was the worst human on this entire planet and beg her forgiveness just so she could reject him all the way to hell. She wanted him to turn around and get back in his stupid car and drive all the way out of her life. Joss wanted so many opposite things that the resulting mass became a swirl of confusion in her mind, leaving her grasping for anything coherent to say.

"Hey-" he began, but Joss cut him off before he could continue, the smug sound of his voice flipping a switch that allowed words to tumble from her mouth.

"Just tell me one thing, did you go after Byers on the school trip?"

Billy held his hands out in what was meant to be surrender but looked far more like a careless shrug. "It was just a misunderstanding. Byers is a sensitive guy. I bumped into him and he took it all the wrong way."

He was so relaxed about it, so reasonably amiable. Why the hell wasn't he pissed too? Did he care that she'd literally run away from him last night? Did he even give one iota that she'd potentially embarrassed him in front of the entire school? From the easy expression upon his face, he didn't, and Joss felt disarmed and off balance before they'd even really begun.

"Bullshit," Joss breathed, both in refusal of his answer and in disbelief of his nonchalant manner.

"Come on Joss, were you there? Can you tell me his story is the full truth?" He came to stand before her on the step.

Joss still felt herself bristling with protests but remained silent, sensing his words were trying to probe for any weaknesses in her defence. This time her walls remained firmly up.

"People like to think the worst of me, you know that, but especially Byers and his little weirdo gang," he said pointedly, and leaned in to rest his shoulder on the door frame, cornering her. "They hate me, him and Wheeler. I got into a fight with Harrington last year, it got ugly. Wheeler had a thing for him, and so of course she's gonna take Harrington's word over mine."

"What do you mean, ugly?" Joss' mind flared with recognition, losing just a small amount of the anger in a sudden thirst for the truth. Jonathan had alluded to this, to that night last year when Steve Harrington had been beaten so badly he'd missed a few days of school, the words coming back to her in snippets until it formed the full sentence;

'He beat Steve Harrington to near a pulp last year. I mean, he could have killed him. He's just a really bad guy.'

Joss had thought it was just the usual over exaggerations that seemed to follow any dramatic story in this small town, embellished with a shiny cherry on top for extra scandal, but now she really thought about it, Jonathan Byers didn't really seem like the type to big up a story.

"I don't want half truths or cover stories, Billy," Joss pushed, her eyes narrowing. "If you want to talk to me, you are going to have to tell me everything, or you can walk right back over to your car and drive off somewhere far away from me. I'm not in the mood for games today. Not after the shit you pulled last night."

He laughed, a scoffing sound that betrayed a tiny current of annoyance underneath all this placid bravado. "The shit I pulled, sure," he said, rolling his tongue across his bottom lip in disdainful mock humour.

So, he was sore about what had happened last night, that somehow made Joss feel better. Dealing with this unaffected Billy felt too close to talking to a pod person.

"Yes, the shit you pulled!" Joss said, purposefully wanting to push him, to make him lose his cool completely.

"I wasn't the one that stormed out like a kid having a tantrum after hearing some drunk chick try and smear my rep all over the floor. Nice to know you'll stand up for me when it counts, Tanner, real fucking nice." Billy bit the words out, teeth gritting together, and there it was, that anger, flickering just behind his eyes, showing Joss how little patience he really had with her today. Then he sniffed, regaining back that calm veneer. "Luckily for you, everyone knows Wheeler and Byers are both losers, so the damage wasn't anything I couldn't deal with."

Joss gave out a sound of crude ridicule. "Of course, silly of me to think any of it would affect you. I guess my evil plan of dragging your name through the mud was thwarted by your heroic attempts at re-drinking your own body weight in beer once I left."

Billy studied her a moment, seeming to realize whatever he'd done this morning to look refreshed and put together hadn't quite worked. The tell tale dark smudges under his eyes and the slightly pale pallor of his skin gave away to Joss just how wrecked he'd gotten last night.

Billy took a moment to compose himself, tongue rolling against the inside of his cheek in displeasure. "I also wasn't the one to get in a car with a bunch of strangers, which is kinda surprising, since you're normally pretty smart, Joss. Or you like to act like you are. That was a dumb move." Billy's words were sharp edged, meant to cut without much effort, but Joss had been ready for them.

"Jonathan and Nancy are not strangers," she protested.

"Oh, so you guys are all suddenly on a first name basis, must be serious," he sneered. "You know someone a few hours, and just like that, they're your closest friend." He mocked and Joss crossed her arms in defence. "Do you even know what that freak did to Wheeler when she was still dating Harrington?"

Joss flinched at the use of that hated insult, the same one that had been thrown at her far too often in middle school. "I don't listen to gossip," Joss said, giving him a quick glance over, looking for any signs of weakness in this continued pacifistic farce.

"But, you heard it doing the rounds, right? Happened before I even got here." Billy stretched both of his arms lazily behind his back, before shoving one hand in his jeans pocket, waiting for her reaction with an expectant expression, like he already knew he was right.

Joss had heard the rumours, but just like most talk that went rampant around school, she'd tried to pay very little notice to it, and gave it even less weight. She refused to give Billy the win of an answer.

"Yeah, you did," Billy said, an unkind smirk at the corner of his mouth. "How he spied on her, took photos of her undressing. Sounds like a total creep to me."

"We don't know if it's even true," Joss tried in defence.

"If enough people believe it, it becomes true-" Billy began.

"That's the most flawed logic I've ever heard!" Joss scowled.

"And I've never heard Byers or Wheeler deny it." He continued, as if she hadn't just cut him off at all. "Besides, Carol and Tommy saw those photos, actually saw them, and I believe them. Byers is always going around with his creepy little camera."

Joss rolled her shoulders, not having any rebuttal.

"Wheeler still dated him afterwards, almost behind Harrington's back, so I guess the whole voyeur thing is a turn on for her." Billy laughed.

"Don't," Joss warned, not enjoying where this was going at all. "It's none of my business."

"It is if you are deciding to start hanging around them. They're bad news."

"Jonathan and Nancy?" Joss scoffed.

"Look, I'm telling you," Billy said, pointing a defiant finger in the air and jabbing it forcefully in her direction, "you don't know them. If you knew everything I do, you wouldn't be so quick to jump into their arms to be rescued."

"What does that mean?" Joss asked, not shifting her tense position. "What did they do?"

"Doesn't matter." He looked away like the conversation was over.

"Yes, it does!" Joss pushed back with twice the force, her firm tone telling him that everything that had happened mattered, and he wasn't wriggling out of explaining this after last night.

Billy shrugged in reply and eyed her calmly, his expression saying he didn't really understand why she was even so upset, which made Joss' anger rush back in like a mistaken gulp of hot bitter coffee, scalding the back of her throat." I shouldn't even listen to you at all! I should tell you to get lost, you were such an asshole!"

"But, here we are, talking all fine and dandy," Billy taunted, and it took all of Joss' self control not to lose herself in the simmering rage.

"No more games!" Joss said sternly. "Tell me, and I mean everything, the stuff about Harrington too. Or leave, it's your choice. I don't give a rat's ass what you pick, just pick one."

He sighed heavily, like he really didn't want to get in to it or deal with her anger, but he was giving in for her sake, and Joss should be thankful for his leniency. She wasn't, and her body remained tensed.

Billy motioned towards the porch step. "Since I get the feeling you're not going to invite me in, can we at least sit for a while? I'm still hungover from last night."

Joss didn't reveal that she too was feeling the punishing toll of too much booze, but suspected he already knew. She nodded and motioned for him to stay where he was before she went into the house and returned with two cans of cold soda.

He raised a playfully scathing eyebrow as she begrudgingly handed him one, his look telling Joss it was about time she actually did that grocery shopping and got some decent stuff in, but he didn't voice any of it, for once seeming to know better. Billy waited for her to sit before he lowered himself down onto the step beside her, wincing at the movement as if his head was pounding.

Joss scooted herself a little away, knowing it was a childish action, but still wanting to blatantly signal she was not fully comfortable being this near to him. They both opened the cans and took long drinks before falling into an uncomfortable silence, Joss impatiently waiting for him to begin, fingertip dithering over the tab of the can, nail edge gently flicking thin metal.

"Okay, you want the truth," Billy finally said, like he'd been forced up against a wall, the words extracted under extreme torture. "You asked for it, but don't freak out on me when it fucks with your head as much as it fucked with mine." Billy took in another deep gulp of soda as Joss watched on, her eyes never leaving his face, as if waiting for some new hint of betrayal to flutter unguarded across his expression and give away this new tactic. "Remember I told you, me and Max came to an agreement last year, not to get involved in each others' lives?" he said.

Joss nodded, not knowing how any of this fitted into the story about Steve Harrington, or how it related to Jonathan and Nancy, but willing to give him a chance to explain.

"Last November, a few days after Halloween, Max went missing. I was meant to be 'babysitting' her while my dad and Susan went out on a date." He paused, and Joss got the impression he was thinking over his words with a careful deliberation. "Last I saw Max, she was in her room, listening to music, reading her shitty teenybopper magazines, being her usual moody self. My dad was meant to be back by seven, it was past nine thirty when they rolled in drunk. I'd put off this date I had, to hang around until they got back, my first real date in Hawkins, so it mattered, because I was changing the scenery, like I told you last night."

Joss swallowed hard, this was probably the most frank and open he'd been with her, she wanted to believe it was because he trusted her, but she knew he had other motives, he always did. That motive right now was to get her back on his side. She wanted to try and stay objective and not instantly fall for the bait of him showing her a little piece of his life to draw her in and gain back control over the situation.

"I was meant to meet this girl at nine, and even though they were late, I stayed, so Max wouldn't be left alone. I knew I'd get in deep shit if I left her alone." He took in a short breath. "But, when Susan and my dad got back, Max wasn't in her room, her window was wide open. She was gone and I got all the blame. It's not like I checked on her every twenty minutes, I had my own shit to do, and she wasn't a little kid, she was thirteen. At thirteen I had to look after myself, but my dad wouldn't hear it, it was my fault."

This was sounding eerily like what Billy had told her at the pool, about the time when Max had disappeared and turned up at her dad's house, setting into motion everything that had Billy sitting next to her right now, here in Hawkins.

Billy gave a shrug. "I dunno why I thought things would be different in a new place, than it was back home." He gave a sharp sniff. "Everyone had been so busy and caught up in their own stuff with the move, that we didn't really pay attention to each other. Last time he'd got physical was back in Cali, when I'd got in some trouble with the cops, before the stuff with Max's Dad."

"What kind of trouble?" Joss asked, unable to help herself.

"I'd started hanging around with that guy from the music store. Going to bars, that kinda shit. He and his chick gave me somewhere to crash when things got bad at home." He paused again, taking in a breath. "My old man hated it, that I could get away. So, one night when I didn't come home by his curfew, he called my car in as stolen, made it sound like the music store guy had something to do with it."

"What?! That's... messed up," Joss said, unable to find more words.

"I guess it made my old man's decision to move us all someplace out in the middle of nowhere real easy too." Billy let out another bone weary sigh. "After that shit with Max and her dad, he got to kill two birds with one stone. He says he saw it as preventing me going down a wrong path, stop me fucking up my life, fresh start for everyone, but I know what it really was, and it wasn't that damn noble. Not for me, not for Max."

Joss took another drink of her soda, her mouth suddenly feeling inexplicably dry.

Billy looked down at the stone pathway, arms resting upon his knees, and his brow furrowed as if he was inwardly only just coming to terms with everything he was saying out loud. "I guess I thought, me and my old man had come to some kind of silent agreement, that I wasn't a kid anymore. I'd not bitched about the move, I'd just accepted it even though I was pissed off. He and Susan were too caught up in making their perfect family home to notice me much anyway, so I thought things would be different. I was as tall as my old man, I worked out, I was stronger... maybe... thought it had just been agreed I was too old for that shit." He shook his head as if he were disgusted with that version of his past self. "But, he showed me that night Max went missing, that nothing had changed. That it never would." He glanced away with a sour smile upon his lips.

"What happened?" Joss whispered.

Billy gave another sharp sniff, the action now coming across like some kind of defensive tic. "He showed me who was in control. Susan was standing right there so it was a reminder, not a beating, because he couldn't show how far he'd really go in front of his precious new wife." Billy was avoiding Joss' eyes like they'd burn right through him if he made direct contact. "But, it was enough to get me back in line." Joss could hear the subtle hint of emotion in his voice even though he was trying so hard to cover it with careless body language.

"What happened?" Joss prompted again softly.

"I was told plain, I don't come home until I find her. I was her brother and I had to start acting like one, no matter what it cost." He let out a breathy huff of laughter and Joss felt her heart lunge with a nauseating little pull, knowing all the unspoken threats those few words concealed. "I hated Max for it, she was always the reason I got reminded what my place was. Susan loved her, doted on her. Max got everything she wanted. New jeans, done. New music, done. New soft feather fucking bed, done."

With each resentful word out of Billy's mouth Joss' mind drifted further back into her memories of the Hargrove household, how nice and cozy the whole place had seemed, apart from Billy's room. No bed frame, no fancy soft mattress, crates used as shelving, a piece of scrap material substituting a real curtain. Not a room full of colour and character like his step sister's, but scavenged and cheap, seeming to reflect how everyone felt about his presence in the 'family' home. Joss understood he was distancing himself from the uncomfortable facts too, using Max's perceived better treatment as his shield, and Joss felt pity for them both, because they hated the wrong person. This was all Billy's dad's doing, a tactic to manipulate and control his own kids into seeing each other as the enemy. Separated, they couldn't bond together and make something strong enough to push back. Apart, they were weak and malleable. She remembered a similar strategy being used by her school bullies to keep her distanced and isolated from anyone reaching out. Like Lori had said this afternoon, no one wanted to be the new chew toy, it was so much easier to kick down than punch up.

"Max never gave a single shit what happened to me," Billy continued. "I was mean to her, sure, but she was fucking cruel, because she knew her actions always came back on me." He brushed a hand through his hair as if this was all grating on his nerves.

"But, you said before, Max never really saw how bad it got, she never saw your dad actually hurt you, right?" Joss said, keeping her voice soft and even.

"No, never in front of her anyway, but she heard the arguments, she probably heard a few scuffles too. She saw the bruises. She's not stupid, although sometimes she acts like it."

"Maybe she didn't know how bad it could get? What you have to deal with? If you talked to her, made her understand-"

"Look, Tanner," Billy said, his voice a grumble of deep annoyance, "that ship sailed a long time ago, me and Max are never going to be friends or siblings, or anything, not now. As soon as I can, I'm out of that house. I'll be dust before they even know I'm gone."

This was the first time Joss remembered Billy even having the scraps of a plan of leaving after school and it felt suddenly reassuring to know he actually intended to get out as soon as he could. It gave Joss optimism that there was still time for him. Once he left that place and his dad behind, maybe things could get better, maybe he could be better. It felt like much needed hope in this moment after everything that had happened between them recently.

But, she couldn't help noticing how he avoided looking at her after that bold declaration, like he was ashamed, like it had been a show, an explanation for her benefit. Big words that would never become true because his dad wouldn't allow him that easy freedom. Joss didn't want to accept that, she wanted to cling on to the belief that it was school that kept him tethered, but she also knew he was over eighteen, a confirmed adult by law, he could have left whenever he wanted. There were reasons he could use to excuse that, but that's what it felt like in that moment, excuses, and the faith she'd only put in him seconds ago, dimmed.

"Okay," Joss said, in what she hoped was encouragement. "So what happened that night with Max that made that ship sail?"

Billy took another gulp of soda, then lit up a cigarette, and Joss couldn't help wondering if this was a stalling tactic to regain back his normal careless attitude and not become immersed in the emotion of the tale.

"I searched all over town for her, having to put on my sweetest smile and boot licking words to try and find her." He rolled his shoulders as if uncomfortable with the memory. "I got a tip that she might be at the Byers' house."

"The Byers'?!" Joss said, surprised.

"So I drive over there and pull up, house has the lights on, so I know someone is home. I get out and guess who comes walking on over, all unfriendly, like?"

"Jonathan?" Joss said, the thought pinging around her brain that this explained so much, the hostility between them, but Billy shook his head, leaving her lost all over again.

"You'd think, right? His house and all. But, no, it was Steve fucking 'King' Harrington."

"Wait, Steve Harrington was at the Byers' house? I didn't know he and Jonathan were friends?" Joss blurted.

"Bingo!" Billy said, pointing a finger at her like she'd won a prize. "They both like the same chick, so what reason do they have to be all cozy housed up together, do you think?"

Joss' mind had gone completely blank. "I... I don't know," she stuttered, feeling like the rug was not only being ripped out from under her feet, but gleefully so, like Billy was using all this information to put her at a deliberate disadvantage.

"I was just as surprised. So I ask him, what the hell he's doing there, and he gives me some bullshit story, turns it back on me, why am I there? He's real unfriendly about it too. And I say, I'm looking for my step sister and ask if he's seen Max, tell him a little birdie told me she was there. Know what he said?"

Joss was fully sucked into this story now and the most she could do was shake her head.

"No." Billy blew out a cloud of smoke with the word. "He didn't know her, he'd not seen her, didn't know what I was talking about." Billy took in another drag and shook his head, and a humourless smile curled at his lips, his eyes glinting with the echoes of that memory. "But, my gut told me different. It didn't feel right, the whole thing felt off."

"Off?" Joss said, her brow furrowing.

"You know the feeling you get when you ask a simple question and the other person is all weird and defensive about it, like they are hiding something?"

Joss considered this for a few seconds and her mind pushed up the thought, that yeah, she did, she'd had that feeling around him one too many times, but she held her tongue. "I guess so."

"That's exactly how I felt. So, I tell him I know he's a damn liar, and he insults me, calls me stupid and says she's not there. Then right behind him, up pops Max's red head, watching me out the window, and she ain't alone, there's a whole group of other kids with her, and they are all guys."

"So, wait," Joss said, her hands coming out in a gesture that they take a breath, as she tried to gather all these strands together. "Harrington lied to you? Why?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. But my mind didn't go to any nice explanations. She's a damn kid, he had no right to do that, to lie right to my face."

Joss held back the words that he'd only just said Max wasn't a kid, knowing it wouldn't be helpful now he was on a roll, now she was getting to the bottom of all this animosity.

"A thirteen year old girl being hidden by an eighteen year old guy, what would you think was happening? A tea party?" Billy continued.

"Was Jonathan there?"

"Nope, not a Byers in sight. Not a real adult either, just a house full of guys... and Max."

Joss took another moment to digest this information, trying to think of any reason this could have been completely innocent. "Was..." her lips wanted to tremble with the mere thought of the question and all the unspoken meaning held in the words, "Max, okay?"

"Yeah, she seemed fine, just her usual shit-bird self," Billy said with a shrug, completely missing the implications upon Joss' mind. "Tried to pretend she wasn't there at all, knew I'd be pissed, knew she-"

"So, Max didn't want to go home with you?" Joss asked, interrupting his story.

"I guess not, but sometimes kids make stupid choices. She was making the wrong choice, and I wasn't leaving without her."

"Why didn't she want to go home?" Joss asked, wanting to understand all sides and perhaps be just a little obstinate to what he wanted her to think.

Billy looked surprised, like he shouldn't need to explain any more than he just had. "You know my house isn't the happiest place on earth, and me and Max, we don't have the best buddy dynamic," he said, giving her a knowing look. "Max was pissed at me, because I told her not to hang around with this one kid, and she kept going behind my back after saying she didn't want anything to do with him."

"Why didn't you want her hanging out with him?"

"He was causing trouble!" Billy snapped. "Every time I saw them together they were arguing, he was bothering her, following her around, making her mad or upset. Max should know better than to get involved with a boy like that."

"Like what?" Joss pushed, her brow furrowing as she tried to understand what was the true accelerator of this whole mess of a situation.

"A troublemaker," Billy said, letting out another breath of smoke. "It reminded me of the way my old man hounded my mom and she'd never fight back, just let him wear her down, until she gave in."

"I get you were just trying to help," Joss said, and Billy gave her a disgruntled look, like he hated the insinuation of giving any kindness to his step sister at all. "But, it kinda sounds like you were sticking your nose into Max's business. She doesn't strike me as the type to take shit from anyone," Joss said with a small shrug.

"She isn't, but... she's stupid sometimes and does stupid stuff. Boys like Lucas Sinclair are ones she needed to avoid."

Joss knew the Sinclairs only vaguely, but she'd seen Lucas plenty at work, and what was more, she'd seen Lucas and Max together. Not once had she picked up on anything even verging on bad behaviour, only some innocent horseplay, a few hormone fuelled arguments, and many kisses exchanged in the darker parts of the arcade.

"He seems like a nice kid. He's a bit of nerd maybe, or at least the other kids he hangs out with are. I see them at the arcade sometimes, he never causes trouble and he's always polite and sweet. He and Max look like they are a thing, like they are happily a thing. So maybe what you thought you saw was wrong?"

"Yeah, well like I said, she doesn't listen." He continued as if he hadn't heard her. "Has to rebel against everything. Besides it doesn't matter if he's a 'nice kid', he is what he is."

Joss felt her stomach do an unpleasant flip, because she suddenly knew exactly what Billy's issue was with Lucas. The way Jonathan had spoken about it in the arcade, the clues had all been there. Joss felt stunned for a moment and looked down at her feet as the revelation swirled around her head. She'd thought Billy was a lot of unpleasant things, but this felt like a new low, and one that met like oil in water against her own morals.

"You don't want Max hanging around him because of the colour of his skin, right?" Joss blurted, ready to angrily confront him. Now the reason why Max had fled and sought somewhere safe to meet her friends, perhaps even her boyfriend, made much more sense.

"Look, I don't make the rules," Billy said, fidgeting with the cigarette between this fingers, the ball of his foot bouncing in agitation.

"What rules? This isn't the nineteen fifties, Billy! Jesus, this is nineteen eighty five!"

"I don't have a problem with Sinclair." Billy sounded defensive, annoyed by the allegation in Joss' tone.

Joss let out a small scathing scoff of a laugh, because his words had just said the exact opposite. "You really believe that?"

"As long as he stayed away from my step sister, there was no problem."

"Jesus Christ, Billy!" Joss groaned. "Do you hear yourself! You sound like..." Joss groped around in her mind for a suitable sharp and cutting insult.

"My old man," Billy finished for her, a low bitter acceptance in his voice.

Joss stared at him, her anger subdued a moment by his words, by his repulsive feeling honesty.

"I'm not stupid." He narrowed his eyes at her in harsh accusation, of what, Joss wasn't even sure. "I know who I sound like, because I know who taught me those lessons, and they were hard fucking lessons, Joss! If I chose the wrong friends when I was a kid, he'd let me know, and he wasn't kind or soft about it. If I listened to the wrong music, watched the wrong movie, liked the wrong TV character, I knew it. Jesus, he wouldn't even let me watch Sesame Street because it was too political for him!"

Joss' mind rushed back to when she'd gone over to his house, the hidden, secret Jimi Hendrix tape. The fact he had to hide what he liked because of his father's dogmatic views nudged at her, wanting her to offer some sympathy and understanding, but she stubbornly didn't want to give him the reprieve either.

"I just know how the real world works." He looked over at her with hard eyes that dared her to talk back and tell him he was wrong. "What people expect and what they put up for show is different. People preach peace and understanding and all that nice shit, until it's on their doorstep, or their next door neighbour, or dating their kid. People lie and put on a nice front all the time, and the sooner you see that, the sooner you see who really pulls the strings. People like my old man. Reasonable on the outside, but kick you as soon as look at you when you're down if he doesn't think you fit in with his standards. That's the way it really is, for everyone. You fit in and fall in line, or you get crushed."

Joss let out another low groan. "Billy..." Joss felt her anger waver and she clutched it to her like it was an oath, because she didn't want to understand how he'd been forged into hating someone else at the fists and bigoted views of his father. She wanted to judge him for it, and for the situation to be cut and dry, not complicated and muddy. Joss selfishly disliked Billy so much in that moment for making this all so damn messy.

"Do you know what my dad would do if he found out Max was hanging around with a boy like him?" Billy said taking another drag on his cigarette, his eyes squinting up into the sun bathed blue sky.

Joss shook her head, the fight slowly ebbing out of her as the thorny situation proved so starkly that some things were never so easy to untangle.

"Neither do I. But, I can take a wild guess and I know what he did to me. I was saving Max the arguments and the fighting and the physical drama. I was trying to teach her survival skills."

Joss took a steady breath in, trying to let all this filter into her brain. There was so much she wanted to ask, did he really believe his father would turn on Max? Turn his anger and abuse on her for just dating what Billy's dad deemed the 'wrong' boy? Did he really feel his dad was right, or did he know underneath all the bullshit that this was just wrong? This all felt like chaos, the universe turning upside down, and all she could do was cling to what she could push back against.

"But, Max is with Lucas, so do you still want to teach her that lesson?" Joss said firmly, wanting him to have a sudden breakthrough and understand how backward this view was, to admit he wasn't right and take this heavy burden off her shoulders. To show her she hadn't been so mistaken about who he was.

Billy clicked his tongue. "After that night, Max made it clear she didn't want my help, at all. So I stopped caring if my dad found out her little secret, she can deal with it whenever he finds out, when she messes up. It's her life. Maybe Susan can save her from it, she saves her from everything else, but I don't know, never had anyone in my corner."

"What did happen that night?" Joss mumbled. "After you saw Max and knew Harrington was lying to you?"

Billy seemed just as relieved as Joss to move on in the story. "I called Harrington out on his bullshit, and when he told me to leave, I laid him out flat and went to get Max. I saw she was with that Lucas kid, and I was so fucking mad, she always had to go against everything I said and then lie right to my face about it. I hate liars."

Joss' wanted to bite back that she felt exactly the same about bigots. She had the sense to hold her tongue because she knew it wouldn't help the situation, but she couldn't help voicing her distress. "You went after Lucas, didn't you? He's just a kid!" she said, the realisation making her feel disgusted with every single thing he was saying.

"Look, I wasn't gonna hurt him... not really." He gave what could have been a nervous smirk, but it was an expression she'd never seen on his face before, so Joss wasn't sure how to read it. "I just wanted to scare him a little, freak him out, rough him up. Make him leave Max alone for good."

"That sounds like you wanted to hurt him!" Joss protested.

"He just had to stand there and take it, the threat, nod his head that he understood and it'd be over, but... it didn't work out that way."

Joss knew this was bad, Billy may not have been intending to really hurt Lucas, but she got the distinct unpleasant feeling that things had gotten out of hand fast.

"Did you hurt him?" Joss closed her eyes, the words said with true pain, because if he had, if he'd hurt a kid because of this, it really was the end for them. She wanted to laugh at herself, because until that point she'd been appalled with just how far her limits went with this guy next to her, but here it was, her true hard line.

"No, Harrington got involved."

Joss let out a breath of relief, and didn't want to push for the truth. Joss was a coward, she wasn't brave enough to ask for more specifics, because those gritty details felt like they were diminishing the ideal of this guy she'd been so wrapped up in for months, getting a glance underneath the veil of glittering fantasy and finding only mundane dirty reality.

"So, you got in a real fight with Harrington?" she pushed out with effort.

"Yeah, I beat the shit out of him. I had every right to, he swung first and I swung last."

Joss was finding it hard to say anything in response, even when her mind pushed up the fact that from Billy's own story, he had been the one to throw the first blow. Joss got the feeling that this wasn't the end of this sordid tale either.

"So, how did it end?" she finally pushed out.

Billy gave her a sideways glance, a look rippling through his gaze that was slightly uncertain. If it had been anyone else, Joss would have sworn it was guilt and regret. "It got... heated, I lost it." His voice sounded unsteady and Joss couldn't help herself, she used that weakness against him to vent her own anger.

"What do you mean you lost it?!"

"I just lost it. I couldn't stop." He shrugged as if this was not a big deal, but Joss could see the sudden stiffness in his posture that told a different story.

Joss stared at him, she hadn't thought her stomach could drop any further, but there it went again. "What? You mean you could've have... killed him? Jesus, Billy, please don't tell me you mean that?"

Billy flinched at the words, like Joss had threatened a physical blow. "I don't know, okay?! I don't know what would have happened!" Anger and discomfit shifted disconcertingly upon his face, making Joss want to scoot even further away. "It was just like, I couldn't see straight. I was so fucking angry, at Harrington for thinking he was better than me, at Max for lying... and at my dad for telling me what to do all the time. That nothing was different, and he could get to me just by changing his damn tone!" Billy ran a hand through his curls with a flicker of nervous energy in his fingers.

Joss could hear that same strange note of strained emotion back in his voice, and despite herself, her heart tugged in sympathy.

"I just wasn't in my body anymore. I was looking down from outside and I wanted to hurt Harrington. I wanted to show everyone, they can't keep telling me what to do."

Joss sighed, still trying to take this all in and finding it a hard task with her own hangover thumping dully in her head. "Do you still wish you had, hurt him?" she asked softly.

Billy took a last drag on his cigarette before putting it out with a hard twist in the nearby grass and flicking the butt back towards the sidewalk. "No," he admitted. "I wish I'd never gone to the Byers' that night. I wish I'd driven round and never found out where Max was. But I can't change what happened. Getting that out of control," he let out a deep sigh, not able to meet her seeking eyes again. "It felt bad, and not in a good way."

Joss hugged her knees to her chest. "So, I guess someone stopped you?"

"Max," Billy nodded.

"How?" Joss imagined in her mind's eye a lot of screaming, maybe those friends that had stood so staunchly behind Max at the arcade lending a hand to prise the two guys apart. Something chaotic with a lot of bodies and force to move Billy's bulk.

"She stuck me with some drug."

"Wait? What?!" Joss had thought she'd reached the peak of how shocked she could feel, but every new reveal out of Billy's mouth proved her wrong. "What do you mean, stuck you with some drug?!"

"Just what I said. She stuck me right in the neck," his hand rubbed the side of his throat, like he could remember every sensation. "Hurt like a bitch, and then everything just blurred and swayed and I couldn't keep my legs under me. Before I knew it, I was sprawled out on the floor."

"Jesus," Joss breathed, closing her eyes for a moment and trying to give herself a precious few extra seconds to try and make sense of all this. "So, what happened?"

"Max threatened me, with a damn bat, that I had to leave her and her friends alone, and I told her I got it, gave my word. Then I don't remember anything else. I guess I fell asleep." He shrugged. "When I woke up, I was back in my car, slumped on the backseat on some deserted road, so I guess someone drove me out there and left me. My car was banged up too. It took me months to fix it, and I didn't give Max a hard time about it, I kept my word."

"Jesus, Billy, that is all so messed up!" Joss really didn't know where to begin.

"I went home and Max was back, happy as a June bug. All smiles, until she caught my eyes when Susan and my old man weren't looking, and she was smug about it, what had happened, and her eyes said she'd do it again if I ever tried to get involved. So, I never did. She can have her life, I can have mine. We make an effort to keep up appearances for Susan and my dad, I pick her up, or drop her off when I'm told to, but we don't talk, we don't even look at each other if we can help it." He took in a lungful of air, his body still tensed as if waiting for Joss to finally fully turn on him. "So, I guess you are the only person apart from Max that knows the whole truth now."

"It's an ugly truth," Joss said, and Billy hesitated, his hand flexing palm out against his thigh, and Joss thought he was going to reach out to touch her, to reinstate their physical connection, but he didn't, clearly thinking better of it.

"Byers and Wheeler hate me for what happened to Harrington, and maybe that's deserved, I did beat the shit outta him. But Harrington was out of line too, lying about Max. Max was outta line for what she did, she could've killed me with whatever was in the needle. So, whatever story Harrington told them, is not the whole story. They would do anything to fuck things up for me, which includes telling you stories, making things bigger than they are. Sure, I had a little square up to Byers, but he was looking a little too friendly with you, and I had to stand up for you, for us. I don't trust any of them after what happened, they all feel shady to me. Like they are in some secret fucking club. Something is off about them. All of them give me the damn heebie jeebies."

Joss tried to read him, his expression was infuriatingly passive, just simply asking her to trust him, but she couldn't fully ignore the gut feeling that she didn't really think Nancy or Jonathan were the spiteful people Billy wanted her to believe they were.

"Look, can you at least try and see where I'm coming from? See that some of this was out of fucking bounds? I acted out, but it was a damn weird situation and that kinda affected how I acted when I saw creepy Byers hanging around you."

Joss sighed deeply, brushing her hair out of her face. "I can see where you are coming from," she granted. "But you are going to have to give me time to think on all this Billy, you did some really messed up stuff, to Lucas, to Steve, to Max... last night... I don't know how I feel about any of this."

"Okay," Billy said with a small stiff nod. "You wanted the truth, there it is. All of it, no holds barred. That's gotta mean something to you."

Joss wanted to let out another groan of frustration but instead she glanced away. "It means something," she admitted.

"You want time, fine. You got until Monday, right?"

Joss felt a spike of annoyance run through her because there was so much unspoken truth to that. Whatever happened between them over this weekend, it had to finish one way or another by Monday, when they were back at school. She either walked in as his girl, or as the girl that fooled around with guys at parties. Neither was a tempting option.

"Let me drive you to work?" he said, changing the subject completely.

Joss glanced into her house, her eyes searching the clock in the hallway. "I'm not starting for a few more hours. Mark opened today."

"Then let's go for a drive, we can grab something to eat and I can save you from those gross hot dogs." He smiled, and she could feel him trying to make light of the situation, trying to plaster over those cracks that had appeared between them with his seeming confidence that she'd eventually forgive him for all of this. Didn't she always?

Before she could reply he'd got up and walked over to the car, opening the passenger door in invitation.

"If I go with you, it's just for a drive, and it doesn't mean I'm okay with any of this, I'm not. Like I said, you'll have to give me time. We haven't even started on what happened at the party last night." Joss felt her own exhaustion rest heavily upon her shoulders, because it was true, there was still that mountain to climb and it felt too much, she wanted a break, to not think for a while.

"Look, fine, whatever." Billy flashed her a grin. "We can play by your rules tomorrow. Let's hit pause for today and we can deal with all the shit later. I'll get all my apologies right."

God, why did that feel so good to hear? She wanted him to somehow make this all better, and giving him time to get it right, and herself time to process everything felt far too tempting to dismiss.

"We've got that band tonight, I'll come by the arcade later and give you a ride, just like we planned. Let's just have some fun, no strings. Be a shame to waste the tickets." It was like he could read her mind, all her selfish petty desires, and was offering them open handed to her.

Billy gestured for her to get into the passenger seat and Joss felt that pull to just allow this to happen, to just accept the easy option. She hesitated, deciding she was too drained to battle against him with a hangover, and grabbed her bag from inside the house, locked the front door and got in the car.

Chapter Text

After grabbing something quick to eat, which mostly consisted of convenience store junk food, rather than anything really better than Joss' work hot dogs; Billy drove them around the outskirts of town in the hot early afternoon air, listening to music and allowing themselves to have this one interval of freedom, no talking, just being there in the moment for a little while. Joss drank in that silence like she was dying of thirst, her whole body bathing in only blank thoughts, savouring just existing. Her eyes closed as the fresh breeze fluttered her hair, making her almost believe she was flying high above all her problems.

She felt the car slow and turn, and briefly opened her eyes to see Billy was stopping in a shaded spot off the road on a disused farm track. She closed her eyes again as if she could merely will the silence to continue as Billy thumbed the volume down and turned to her, the flirtatious bass of the music still pumping lowly into the car. Joss tried to ignore him and shifted uneasily in her seat, but he forced her out of the relaxed half-zombie stupor she'd been wallowing in with his expectant impatient energy, and she could tell the unspoken promise of only a short while ago was on the verge of being broken.

He wasn't really going to let her process anything, his agenda hadn't changed, and he wasn't willing to let this lie until he'd won, until he made her see his side and agree to it. Joss felt drained and battle worn from this whole situation, she didn't know if she could take another verbal sparring match, or more secrets spilled. Her own patience was slowly but surely wearing thin, her temper fraying more by the second. She knew this wasn't going to end well, but she didn't feel she could stop it, like a runaway train, all she could do was sit back and let it rush on down the track. Reluctantly she opened her eyes and sighed before looking over at him.

"Look, I didn't mean it to get so heated with Byers on that school trip," Billy said, his elbow resting on the fully open car window frame, gaze focused somewhere in the distance directly out of the windshield, and Joss subtly rolled her eyes. So, he thought this was the weak point he could work on, the easiest thing to get her to accept an explanation for. Just like almost anything else Billy did, he was tactless even when he was trying to be calculating. "He was just hanging around, and you looked cozy talking, and then I came over and you told me to get lost-"

"I didn't tell you to get lost," Joss said flatly.

"Well it sure felt like it," Billy said with a shrug. "I know you don't like that shit, but I can't always control my anger. It just burns me up, until I have no choice and it's gotta come out one way or another."

"You always have a choice." Joss' tone was faraway as she watched the gentle afternoon breeze skim across the golden fields of grasses before them, and two small twittering birds darted in and out of the yellowing greenery looking for their next meal. The early summer heat was slowly giving everything a frazzled edge.

"It doesn't feel like it, especially since stuff has been so fast and heavy between us... and Byers is a weirdo," Billy said with a sniff. "But, I can try, if you want me to."

That didn't feel sweet or romantic, just another form of manipulation to Joss' ears right now. She glanced over at him, trying not to show the fierce annoyance she felt. "I want you to try for yourself, not for me, or what you think I want to hear, Billy..." Joss relaxed back in her seat, more exhausted with every second. "What you told me today, it was... I can't..." She huffed out a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes closed for a moment, hoping that physical action would somehow give her the energy to deal with all this. When she reopened her eyes his were already waiting for her, an expression that was too disconcertingly similar to a wide eyed puppy looking right back at her, asking for a 'good boy' pet, and Joss didn't know if it was real, or just another ploy, and that was the whole damn problem between them.

"Okay so... I know it was hard, to admit all that stuff happened, and I don't know who was right or wrong for some of those actions, but I want you to know which ones you did do that weren't okay," Joss said, her voice tired.

"You mean the Sinclair kid?"

Joss raised her hands in a hopeless shrug. "Yeah, and beating Steve Harrington like that."

"I was an asshole to Sinclair, but Harrington was an asshole to me." He took a small breath. "I tried to be kinda friendly to him when I first moved, even though I was taking his place, I was cool with him still being part of the group. But he betrayed that, he lied right to my face."

"Okay," Joss said, wanting to feel soothed that he'd at least admitted his actions were some form of wrong, but really only feeling frustrated with how easily he wanted to sidestep responsibility.

"I took it too far with Harrington, but he did deserve it."

"Okay, Billy," Joss said with another covert roll of her eyes, turning her gaze out of the window, understanding this was the best she was going to get out of him right now.

"Like I told you, I had my reasons, just as I had my reasons for warning Byers off. You don't have to like them, but they're there. I'm not doing this shit just to be an asshole, I'm trying to protect you."

There he went, circling it right back around to being all about something different, something chivalrous, and his words suddenly made Joss feel even more angry, the corrosive emotion taking her completely by surprise as it welled up, over spilling into her thoughts. She struggled a moment, trying to understand where this was all coming from and what it meant, and the answer stared her down, patiently waiting for her to catch up.

She knew it had been a foolish thought that everything else could wait until tomorrow, because Billy would only see that as her acceptance and just bring it up in his defence later. She hadn't been bothered enough to talk about it yesterday, so why was it such a bit deal?

It all had to be confronted now if she wanted him to even attempt to take her words seriously, because what had happened last night wasn't okay, even though it felt petty compared to everything else he'd told her today. Maybe that had been his plan all along, to dump all this on her, to bury what he had done under a mountain of reveals and admissions. If she didn't deal with this now, it would explode out in a less restrained way later, one that would only result in them having some big argument. Joss didn't find the prospect of trying to enjoy her first live band, while having a blazing fight, to be appealing in the least.

"What about the party last night?" Joss said, turning her body so she could see him fully, her gaze ready to detect any hint of dishonesty. "Were you 'protecting' me then too?"

"Look, I get it," he laughed, "of course that sucked that you had to be in the middle of Wheeler's meltdown."

"I don't mean that, I mean Lori," Joss snapped.

"Lori?" Billy said, clumsily avoiding her accusing gaze.

"You know, the girl you asked to make me come to the party behind my back?" Joss said, laying the scorn on thickly.

He laughed, covering the surprise that had been on the verge of appearing on his face with practiced ease. "Shit, Joss, I wanted to see you, is that so bad? I knew you wouldn't come if I asked."

"Exactly." Joss crossed her arms. "You knew I wouldn't want-"

"But you came for her!" Billy cut her off, his face twisting into indignant fury. "It's fucked up you wouldn't even try anything for us, for me. But for some friend that hardly knows you, you'd walk through fire, right?"

"There isn't really any us though," Joss said, stubbornly ignoring his words, feeling manipulated by them.

His brow furrowed in frustration. "You keep saying that, but all I see is a lot of us going on."

Joss' lips became a thin tight line and she turned her attention back to their surroundings. "You make it all sound like I'm just nuts for going against what you want, but what about what I want?"

"Don't you want me?"

The question drew her eyes back to him. He'd moved so quickly, his body leaning towards her, his arm dangling over the top of her headrest, his eyes suddenly heavy with sensual want, the look trying to pin Joss in place and make her submit.

"You know it's not that easy."

"But you're," he inched closer, his hand coming to slide up her arm, his caress reflexively loosening her defensive pose, "the one making it so hard."

She would have laughed at his terrible attempt at seducing her with such a lame innuendo, but he didn't give her time, his eyes flashed and his lips were upon hers, so hungry and warm, telling her all he wanted to do was make her feel good again and upon physical instinct she returned the kiss. Joss felt him reaching, fumbling, his hand pulling upwards and suddenly her seat back flipped down, she only managed a yelp in weak protest, as once again he stripped her easily of all the humor she used as armour, turning the situation serious with the weight of his lust.

The new position of the seat allowed him to manoeuvre himself over her body, his kiss deepening and his hands brazenly searching all her curves for a way to force her to see his point of view by bringing her that high of pleasure. He worked on another lever beside the car seat and, with a little push and a grunt of effort, the seat slid all the way back. Before Joss even had time to understand what was happening, he was on his knees in the footwell, his bulky body straining at the confining space. He'd pushed her dress around her stomach, nudged aside her underwear, and gone in for the kill before Joss could even get out a flustered question of what he was doing.

His mouth was shockingly hot as it found the place between her legs, his palms so firm and solid curled about her thighs, and her mind flashed back to that exciting night in the arcade when they'd taken whatever this was between them to the next physical level. Joss couldn't help rolling her hips to meet his tongue strokes, wanting so badly to recapture that feeling again, aiding him by splaying her legs further apart, one foot jammed against the edge of the passenger window, while her other did its best to keep traction against the slippery dashboard. Before she had found her senses, or even a rhythm, he was pushing one finger, then two, inside her, and Joss came undone so easily. In that moment her better judgment failed her completely and that last weak link in her defence was all he needed, his fingers, lips and tongue enthralling her senses into a heady haze of urgent need, and she surrendered into what he, and her own body, wanted.

The emotional exhaustion she felt from the last few days made her such easy prey to him giving her all his undivided bold attention. She didn't want to fight anymore, she didn't want to think about everything he had told her today and what had happened at the party, or how he was possibly a different person to who she thought he had been all this time. The want to clutch onto the romantic notion that he was someone who had shared a piece of their broken down soul with her, passing shattered pieces between them like holy secret relics, was so strong and so comforting that Joss wanted to keep believing it was true. She didn't want to dwell on the reality that she now shouldn't hold on to the fantasy that there really was a place for them together after this, when it seemed their worlds were not only oceans apart but whole galaxies.

All Joss wanted right now was to feel good, it was selfish and stupid but she just wanted to forget it all and get lost in her own body, in his. Maybe that physical, primal connection could somehow mend the hairline fractures that were slowly growing between them.

He brought her to a panting mess with his mouth and fingers before struggling impatiently with the buckle and fastenings of his jeans, forcing them past his backside with feverish effort. Then he'd slowly stalked up her body, kisses and nips finding every tender mark he targeted so easily, before pressing his full weight upon Joss' prone waiting form, teasing her with the thrill of anticipation as skin pressed to skin. He'd kissed her unapologetically and messily, slow tongue strokes taking purposeful delight in her tasting herself. With a firm grip, he curled a hand underneath the crook of her knee, pulling her leg up and over his hip and with a grunt of satisfaction he'd slid himself fully into her, not too rough, but certainly not gentle, as Joss gasped out breathless eager whimpers against his lips. He'd stilled a moment, buried deep within her, waiting for her to beg just a little, and Joss' hips rolled into him with needy desperation, her moans beckoning him not to forsake her.

When his certain thrusts began so did his forceful deep words, coaxing her on to find that edge again, calling her baby, telling her how good she felt around him, calling her his, one hand coiled into her hair, pulling her head back so her throat was fully exposed to any attention, soft or cruel, his mouth desired, and Joss just let it happen. No push back, no witty remarks, not even trying to take back any self respect for herself. She closed her eyes and allowed all that physicality to take over her senses, only feeling, not thinking, her body there but her mind somewhere else, lost in the gratification.

She knew he noticed because he kept demanding she open her eyes and look at him, and his burning insistent gaze silently ordered she obey, that they share that fervid intimate connection, and she complied so easily, just wanting this to continue and somehow make everything all magically fixed between them. Billy rewarded her with a deep kiss as his own peak came, and as his thrusts became more frantic and rough, there was hers too, and she reached for it, crying out in sharp short gasps, squeezing her eyes closed and letting it consume every inch of her, body arching against his, pushing further into the sensation, wanting it to never end.

When they pulled apart in a huff of rapid breathing, covered in a sheen of sweat, clothing rumpled, Joss felt the stomach dropping instant clammy cold realization of regret, and knew it hadn't helped at all, nothing was better. The highs were still there, but the come down after felt harsher and more brutal than it ever had before. Everything about this whole situation left her feeling suddenly grimy and despondent, despite the afterglow of pleasure that still thrummed dully between her legs and sputtered like dying molten sparks within her nerves.

Billy maneuverer smoothly back into his seat, pulling his jeans back around his waist. He flicked open his lighter and took a long draw on a freshly lit cigarette, his hands beating out the familiar drum beat still coming over the stereo. Joss composed herself, pulling her dress back down and fixing her hair in the side mirror as best she could, before she struggled a moment trying to get her seat back into an upright position which Billy appeared happy to be of no help with at all, seeming to enjoy watching her fluster and grapple with not knowing how anything worked.

He finally relented, leaning over her, the cigarette held between smug lips, and he pulled the seat back upright with a little jerk of movement that caused her to bump into his chest, which made him grin with a wolfish relish.

Billy settled back into his own seat again and looked over at her, his fingers doing up his zipper and belt buckle, tongue curling over his bottom lip in an imperious smile that only told Joss of his full, boastful conquest of her.

"I'll drive you to work," he said, taking a last narrow-eyed drag on his cigarette before flinging it out the window and pushing down hard on the accelerator.

Chapter Text

As the trees and farmland whizzed by, blowing a welcome breeze on her heated sweaty skin, Joss glanced over at Billy who was happily tapping along to the music against his steering wheel, that familiar provoking smug smile pulling at his lips as Hittman's 'MetalSport' blasted out its raucous guitar riffs.

Joss turned her attention back to the scenery speeding past, knowing that had been one great big stupid mistake. What had she been thinking? That one last roll in the hay with the guy that'd been lying to and manipulating her for the past few weeks wouldn't do any harm, right? How was she supposed to look at herself in the mirror and see anything apart from a passive fool? What was she going to tell Lori? How could she explain any of this and not look like a weak-willed idiot? She felt shame burn through her. Stupid, stupid; she chanted the word in her mind like it was an upbeat chorus line. Her hand lingered on her neck, at the bruised tender skin her fingers found, knowing without looking in a mirror, he'd deliberately left love bites there, stamping her with his ownership for all to see. She'd just let him, like an abandoned dog, hungry for any scrap of affection, and she hated herself for it, for ever allowing any of it to get this far.

She glanced over at Billy again and saw the carefree smile upon his lips, the ease that his whole body was bathed in, and Joss knew he thought things were fixed between them. That just like so many times before, they'd forgiven everything with that sweet heady release, as if the act of climaxing in the same space as each other mended all those cracks. But Joss knew, for so many reasons, they were only growing bigger, turning from something small that could be papered over, to large jagged splinters that ran all the way down to the foundations.

In that moment it would have been the easier path to be a coward, to be spineless and just accept this, let it continue. She could swallow down the lumps and do exactly what he wanted, rolling into school as his new girl on Monday, then bide her time those next few weeks, just play the part until she could get out of here, escape him and Hawkins, vanish before he knew she was even gone, but that thought made her skin crawl. Not only for the lies she'd have to make up to Lori, but all the stories she'd have to tell herself and Billy just so she could slink through this unscathed. Putting on another mask, telling more lies, felt suddenly like a death sentence and she bucked against it, digging deep and finding something that felt like an actual backbone to finally speak out with stark brisk honesty.

"This was a mistake," she finally said, as confidently as she could manage. "This has to stop."

She felt him ease up on the gas, the car slowing as he looked over at her, that carefree smile replaced instantly by disgruntled annoyance. She'd spoiled his good mood and Joss wasn't sorry for it this time.

"A mistake?" He bit out the word as if grinding it between his teeth like a hard piece of disgusting gristle.

His whole body language had changed, as if he were suddenly ready for a physical fight, which made sense, Joss supposed, she was trying to take away his little trophy, the one he'd been so sure he'd won fair and square.

"That's what I said," Joss said stubbornly.

"Can you ever make up your mind, Joss?" He laughed, as if only amused by all this, but it sounded sour. "You change your mind as much as the weather, one minute you're all over me, the next you're telling me it shouldn't have happened. Are you going to make up your goddamn mind soon, because I'm getting kinda sick of it?!" He banged the steering wheel hard with his hand, making her flinch.

"That's not fair. I've been honest with how I feel."

"Feelings and actions don't match up so well for you." His jaw clenched in frustrated but muted anger.

"I'm just forbidden fruit to you, you want what you can't have!" Joss blurted.

He laughed again, the sound full of ridicule. "Well, that's kinda fitting, since you taste just like peaches." He grinned at her, enjoying his vulgar meaning, licking his lips in a display of just what they had been doing a short time before. Joss' stomach pulled with disgust, finding his words tacky and sleazy.

"Do you even like me, Billy?" She crossed her arms, determined to remain calm and try and explain how ridiculous this was, and that this stupid game of 'tag you're it' had gone too far. "I mean really like me?"

"What the hell does that mean?" He laughed, this tone clearly stating he thought she was being ridiculous.

"Or is this just all a thrill for you? Trying to make me do what you want? When I say no, you say yes, and I say no again, and that makes you want me to say yes even more, so you want me even harder," Joss gabbled out, knowing even as she spoke she wasn't making much sense. "I feel like if I'd just given in to you that first night in your car, this would be over already, and you only keep coming back because I don't always give you what you want, like it's some goddamn sick game you're playing. I'm done playing anymore!"

"Of course I like you, I'm here aren't I?" he bit out through gritted teeth, as if he hated having to justify himself or say those words at all, stubbornly refusing to even deem what she'd just said worthy of an answer.

"Then why couldn't we just have whatever this is without making it public?" She lifted her hands up in what could have been a plea for reason or a careless shrug.

Billy glanced over at her with a withering look. "Joss, after last night, that's not going to happen."

Joss recrossed her arms over her chest and stared out of the window, hating that he was right. "Which is all because of you! You took away all my choices!"

"I didn't force you to walk hand in hand with me in front of everyone. That was your choice. You're just mad you can't keep me as your dirty little secret anymore, have your damn cake and eat it, and carry on living your perfect bland life of being nobody."

"That's not fair, you make it sound like I'm ashamed to be seen with you."

"Aren't you?" Billy snarled, his anger peeking through, but he reeled it quickly back under control with what felt like determined effort. "Isn't that what you are so caught up in? What everyone will think if you dated me?"

Joss knew this wasn't strictly untrue, but it somehow felt he was twisting it all again. "No, I don't care about that," Joss protested weakly, knowing on some level she now wasn't being honest. She had been ashamed at Lori's last night, but she still didn't really understand why.

"You're the only girl I know that doesn't want to proclaim I like you all over damn school," Billy continued as if she hadn't made any denial at all. "Know how that makes me look? Know what everyone will say if we don't walk into school hand in hand on Monday? That you rejected me. You want that? People talking shit about me? Thinking I'm a loser?" That anger strove to be let loose again, but he clamped his mouth firmly shut, the muscle in his jaw jumping with the effort.

Joss hadn't thought about any of those angles, and thinking of Billy having to put up with whispers and mean-spirited looks made her flash back to being eleven all over again. "Please, Billy," she appealed softly, "don't push this. I'm afraid of what-"

He reached over the console and grabbed her hand in his. "Then take my hand, Joss. On Monday, step outta the shadows into the sunlight with me, as my girl. Leave all that dumb fear behind. I'll make it real easy, you just gotta say yes, that's it."

For a short moment Joss felt a sort of strange desperation behind his actions instead of rage, but she still pulled herself out of his grip, knowing he was trying to talk her into something she still didn't want to do. "It's not that easy."

"What are you so damn afraid of?" Billy asked in exasperation.

Joss looked over at him, feeling stung he'd even ask after everything she'd bared to him. "Of being hurt."

"Then I guess you really will be running all your life. I thought you were a lot of things, Tanner," the switch from intimate first names to distant last, didn't pass Joss by, "but I never thought you were a coward." He lit up another cigarette as if this would be the end of the entire conversation, but those words had riled Joss up enough for her anger to win out.

"Hey, that's low! I don't know why you're doing it, but you're trying to goad me into saying or doing something stupid so I'll lose the argument!"

"Seems to be working just fine if that's my aim," Billy said with a hissed laugh.

The thought slammed into Joss as to why he'd made such a big effort to be at her house today, despite being hideously hungover, and why he seemed so ready to hold back on his anger until he got what he wanted. "That's what this is really all about, isn't it? This is about your goddamn reputation! You didn't come over to apologize, or say you did something wrong, or even own up to what you did. You just want to make sure I'm going to be on your arm on Monday, so, what? You can save face?!"

"Jesus, Joss. Not everything I do has an evil motive. Maybe I did just come over to see you were alright and fix stuff between us. What if it's just that simple, huh?"

"You haven't even said you're sorry," Joss shot back. "You thought you could just give me a push at the party and I'd roll over. That's what you wanted! But it doesn't work so well if the girl you paraded around all your little friends as your new girlfriend snubs you. Risky move, trying to control what other people do, they might just turn around and bite you in the ass!"

Billy let out a barely tolerant sigh. "Look, we both acted shitty. Now we just gotta sort this out and get back on track-"

"Before Monday? Why don't you just say it, that's all you really care about!"

"You're being over dramatic," Billy said, as if he was the only reasonable person in the car.

"Okay, you wanna play this game? Let's play! If you are so certain about us going steady, why were you with Trish at the party?" Joss asked, her mouth a hard thin line of accusation.

"What?" he laughed, all his teeth bared.

"You think I didn't see your hands all over her, before Johnny asshole came and told you where I was?! You said you guys were done, but you looked pretty friendly, and she seemed super pissed when she saw us together. So, are you still keeping Trish as your standby? Does she even know she's your standby anymore? Because that doesn't sound like someone that's sure, that sounds like you want all the goddamn cake, not me!"

Billy looked slightly uncomfortable.

"I knew it!" Joss said with gleeful triumph. "How can you talk about us being anything when you are still happy to fuck whoever you like!" There it was, that stick she could wield to force him away, and she used it with eager enthusiasm.

Billy looked like she was poking at his very last nerve. "I'm not fucking anyone but you. But, you flip flop so much, I have to have options. Me and Trish, we flirt a lot, even when we aren't together, and besides, we aren't-"

"Serious? Okay, sure," Joss scoffed.

"We aren't," he shrugged.

"Yeah, well, Lori said Trish has differing thoughts to you, so-"

Billy cut her off with an embittered puff of laughter. "Oh, Lori said! I guess it must be fucking gospel then. Doesn't matter what I actually think, because Lori said."

"Don't talk about her like that," Joss snapped, hating how he said her friend's name with such spite. "She doesn't want me to get hurt, she's looking out for me."

"If you say so," he said with a little mocking smile. "She seemed real eager to sell you out and pair you up with me for a little tongue action with Johnny, but yeah, sure she's got your best interests at heart, and her being a gossip hungry cow has nothing to do with any of this!"

"Stop!" Joss cautioned, her voice suddenly sharp, and they both fell into a very uncomfortable silence. She knew Billy was angry at Lori for telling her the truth, but what had he really expected? That Lori would lie for a guy she barely even liked in the first place, and liked even less now after all this drama.

"Look," he reasoned, after a small amount of time had passed, his voice even and calm again. "I like you, but you have to meet me half way for this to work. I'm not asking you to perform rocket science or brain surgery or solve all the world's damn problems, I'm just trying to make this easy for both of us."

"Easy?" Joss gave a bitter laugh. "Okay, genius, tell me the answer to this riddle," Joss said unkindly.

"Don't take that attitude with me!" Billy's finger jabbed at her with a determined warning.

Joss gave another scoff. "If you answer it right, I'll give in, I'll put on a cute little skirt and red lipstick, and I'll be waiting for you as your official girl in the parking lot on Monday morning."

Billy raised an eyebrow, sensing a trap to all this.

"Why? Tell me that," Joss said flatly.

"Why, what?" he bit out.

"Why do you want me to step out into this fabled sunlight with you, huh? Why do you want me to be seen as your girl? Why does it matter so much? Because I don't understand why you've done all this sneaky shit behind my back just to get me to be your public girlfriend, I'm not that much of a catch. What do you want from me, really?"

Billy laughed and turned his head away, shaking it as if she was being ridiculous.

"Well?" Joss pushed, when he still hadn't come back with any answer.

"Jesus Christ, Joss, really? When two adults like each other very much-" he began, with a patronizing tone.

"Don't do that! Don't talk down to me like I'm an idiot. I know that isn't the reason. We agreed this was what it is, so I know your reasons aren't about romance or being hopelessly in love with me. I'm not stupid, and if that was the case I'd already have run for the damn hills."

"What do you want me to say?" Billy asked with a shrug of his shoulders. "What do you want from me, Joss? Want me to tell you something I don't feel? I don't know what you want from me either. You say you don't want all that lovey-dovey shit, then you act like it's all you want; that you want me to fucking commit or something, then when I offer you something like that, the closest I can give you, you throw it right back in my damn face."

"You know that's not true!" Joss shot back, feeling suddenly offended and panicked. "We agreed, never to get in that deep, we agreed no love stuff, and I'm fine with that, I don't want it either. I never wanted it!"

Billy let out a sigh of aggravation. "Then what the hell do you want?"

"I want you to tell me something I can believe in!"

Billy laughed. "What the hell does that even mean?"

"I want you to open up like you do when we actually talk like human beings, I want you to tell me the truth. Or at least that I matter, not as your girlfriend or a girl you want to get in bed. I want you to tell me that whatever this is, it isn't just nothing. That what we tell each other, the bond we have, whatever the hell it is, that it matters to you and I'm not just some chick to you. That I'm your friend and you give a shit beyond all the sex and power plays."

Billy looked a little less confident now and his gaze shifted to the road. Joss felt something inside her chest deflate, because this felt like a sign she'd been right all along, and it hurt. Part of her had always known she really had been fooling herself that at the end of all this, there could be something profound and meaningful between them. That it would last past the lust.

"You can't, can you?" Joss said.

"Like I said, I like you, that should be enough of a damn reason, but you have to meet me halfway."

"I think you like the chase, the control." Joss fought back the nausea that welled within her, everything she'd told Lori last night flooded back into her mind, every unkind thought and theory. "When you finally get what you want, you'll get bored of me. Once I really give in, stop fighting back or resisting, and I'm not a goal you can score. A week, a month, when I'm not fun to play with... you'll drop me. You just want to win, to break me down, you don't give a shit about me. You don't care who you hurt, it's all about you!"

She'd told him so much, every mental wound and cut of painful memory shown in tentative words, bared a piece of her soul to this person in the hope that they'd understand and reach out and hold her and she could hold him back. It didn't have to be as lovers, or soul mates, she just wanted someone there that cared about her beyond just the façade and performance, who smiled when they saw her and wanted her around. Had it all really been a lie? Had Joss seen far to much in the small acts of kindness and kisses? She wasn't even sure anymore.

"You don't know anything about what I want," he hissed.

"I know you opened up to me about your life. Does that really mean nothing to you? Because it meant something to me, to have someone to talk to, who I felt understood me, who I'd started to trust. Isn't that why you told me all that stuff about your mom? About how your dad treats you? All those secrets and stories mean nothing?"

Billy's look suddenly darkened, his face clouding with something thunderous, and he remained silent, his glowering gaze fixed upon the road ahead, as if he could ignore Joss' entire presence if he tried hard enough.

"You really have nothing to say?" Joss huffed out a mirthless laugh as his posture stiffened more in discomfort. "I've been so stupid." She let out another laugh, finding some twisted catharsis in finally admitting that fact to herself. "You're really hollow all the way through, huh?"

Billy's lips pulled into a grimace that was perhaps meant to be a grin, but it was forced, and behind it all was that anger, nudging to be let out. "I think you're just bitter because I actually showed you what you've been missing, living in your lonely pathetic bubble. Maybe I gave you a bit of fun and now you can't help yourself, so you have to make up these little stupid stories as to what a big bad guy I am to make yourself feel better. You don't come looking to me for a deep conversation about our souls, you come to me so I can fuck you until you feel good. You're fucking shallow Joss, you just like to think you're deep!"

She glared at him, unable to think of any reply. She knew he was trying to find her soft underbelly, pin her down and hurt her, because some part of what she'd said had hit way too close to home for both of them.

"You're the one playing the games Joss, not me. Ever think of that?"

Joss fought back the sudden and ridiculously unhelpful urge to cry. "Stop! You twist everything! You confuse everything! You make it hard for me to think! You started this! You!" Joss threw the flurry of words out knowing they were just giving him further ammo.

"Oh, now it's all my fault? I just seduced you right out of your innocent panties, huh? You had no say in what we did, right? You didn't want it just as bad? Is that what you're saying?"

"Stop twisting my words!" Joss felt her anger rising and fought so hard to remain in control. "You keep pushing and pushing me with every damn opportunity you have!"

"Okay," he said, laughing unkindly. "Poor Joss, so hard for you to keep the big bad wolf at bay, is that it?"

"You can't even give me a reason why! You can't even be straight with me," Joss snarled back, wishing she could gain the upper hand, but feeling like he just kept flipping her onto her back every time she tried to stand up. "I thought we were something... more than just the physical stuff, I thought we were friends too. I thought you felt what I felt when we..." Joss couldn't say it, it felt too painful that all of it could have been a charade. "I thought we had something that might be real, that things had changed for you too, but I can see that isn't true, you are just the same asshole you always were."

Billy let out an unkind chuckle. "Look, I like fucking you, okay? That what you want to hear? Want to make me into this bad guy that's using you? Go ahead. You use me just as hard, Joss. You're no damn better than me."

"I've never asked you to be anyone else! Not once! You want me to play some part, and then when you want the next girl, you won't care about me, how I feel. You didn't care about Jessica, or Trish, or anyone but yourself. You can't give me one damn reason why what this is would be different! I don't deserve any of this, I deserve better than you!"

"Saint Joss, always wanting to be elevated above the masses. But, in the end you're just as down and filthy as the rest of us. Welcome to the fucking dirt, baby."

Joss stared at him, fully lost for any words again, because his were so damn hurtful, like he was closing in on her, ready for that bite to the throat that would either defeat her fully or make her fight back kicking and screaming. "I thought you were a lot of things, but a pathetic gutless guy using his mommy issues to score chicks wasn't one of them!" Joss used those words like a knife, hoping she'd finally cut through his thick skin and he'd look at her with true hurt in his eyes.

But Billy didn't react with upset or anger, he laughed, loud and long, like he'd known she'd stoop that low and was ready for it. "It's not my problem that you want to be some life changing lay, Tanner! Tell me, did you see heaven when you fucked me? Was it a glowing light-filled room with angels? Did they sing? Did you see God? Inquiring minds wanna know if I'm that good."

"You fucking asshole." Joss whispered out the words as if he'd just delivered an excruciating blow to her chest, winding her, the tears stinging at her eyes now as she blinked them away, and he laughed again, like this was all some funny banter they were sharing, and not verbal claws trying to tear her to shreds.

"Look, this is getting boring. Either we do this and date, or we don't. It's your call. Friends doesn't work for me. I don't do chick friends, too much drama, like right now," Billy said with a confident sniff, as if this was the last word on everything.

"You promised!" Joss said, feeling a hot rush of indignant outrage and distress flood her face. "You said we could stay friends, that you agreed. You lied! I thought you hated liars!"

"No, I didn't say any of that shit, that's what you said you wanted, not me. See, all you hear is your own damn voice all the fucking time, blah, blah, blah." Billy glanced up at the sky through his windshield as if all he was concerned about was the weather.

Joss bit her lip, forcing back the tears of anger and hurt that wanted to well from her eyes as she glanced out of the passenger window, feeling the golden self-satisfied energy radiating off him as if he were some kind of champion. He really thought he'd won, that she was just going to roll over and do exactly what he wanted. She knew in that moment, she was done. This was all over.

They could never come back from what he'd told her today and how it had changed how she saw him. They could never come back from the betrayal at the party. She couldn't forgive him for the words he'd spoken now in a desperate attempt to beat her back into some twisted form of submission. Maybe she could have forgiven him for one thing or the other, it was possible his grip on her had that power once, but all together she couldn't forgive his past and his present.

Joss suddenly understood every step she'd taken that was wrong, every trap and snare he'd placed before her that she'd readily fallen into. So eager for connection and acknowledgment that she had blindly stumbled forward towards his reaching hands. This had all been a game for him, he'd kept her dangling from a string, feeding her tasty titbits of attention and secrets, reeling her in with promises of going deeper, of it all meaning something more. Maybe he had allowed her in further than he'd let anyone else, but that was only because his usual moves hadn't worked, not with Joss. He'd had to expose himself enough to entice her in, so that his grip could close around her like the gentle embrace of a Venus fly trap.

If Joss stayed, this was how things would always be between them, until he did decide he was bored and she'd be tossed aside like trash. Maybe if he liked her enough she'd even be kept close enough to be snagged on that string as a pathetic version of a 'friend'; until he decided he wanted a fun night and came to her with flirting words and those hypnotic eyes. She was just the next Jessica, the next Trish, the next whatever he wanted her to be.

The worst part of all was Joss knew if she didn't get out now, there was a chance she'd stay for the want of those moments. The drum of hot blood in her veins, the rush of hungry lips against her own, and his eyes upon her, wanting her. She had to get out.

"I don't want anymore of this," Joss said quietly, quickly brushing a stray tear from her cheek before he could see she was crying.

"What?!" Billy said harshly over the music. "What don't you want anymore?"

"You, this, us. I'm done."

Billy let out a mocking laugh. "Okay, sure." He shook his head.

"After what you told me today, after what you did last night, what you just said now, I'm done."

"You don't get to make me spill my guts, be honest, and then tell me it's too gross for you, Joss," he taunted unkindly. "You don't get to bark at me and expect me not to bite back. That isn't how this works. I trusted you, told you everything you wanted, now you gotta return some trust to me." He slapped a hand on the wheel as if this was the final word.

Joss shook her head. "I mean it. This is over."

"You don't get to decide that!" His voice rose, that desperation clutching at the higher pitch. "Besides, knowing you," he said, easily finding his bravado again, "you'll come crawling back, wanting another ride, you always do. You never can make up your mind, how am I meant to take anything you say seriously?" He looked at her and his eyes were laughing, mocking her in a way that said he knew he was right, that she should just give up and let this go, because he was going to come out on top no matter how much she struggled. His arrogance that he thought he knew her at all, made Joss suddenly furious and her hands balled into fists, nails digging into her palms until it hurt, her body thrumming with all that bottled up anger.

"Fuck you!" Joss spat, with all the true resentment she felt in that moment, every insult and spiteful thing she'd ever thought about him compressed into two stinging words.

His eyes snapped to her, his lips becoming a thin line of rage, as if he'd had to sit there and listen to her maliciously whispering all those terrible cruel things into his ear, like he knew exactly what she thought of him. "Fuck me!" he shouted back, making her cringe with his burst of anger, that rage that had been constrained this whole conversion erupting out of his body like a volcano spewing lava, his face rising with a pinkish hue.

He suddenly pushed his foot down so hard it made the whole car jerk and lunge forward, as they sped up to a crazy-feeling speed. Billy was now slapping at the steering wheel aggressively to the music, all humour gone, replaced with barely contained animosity as he pretended to enjoy the music, his body swaying back and forth in a way that Joss could only describe as looking unhinged.

"What the hell are you doing? Stop!" Joss cried, grasping onto the grab handle to steady herself with one hand.

"No, this is fun right, a real thrill! That what you want? It's what you always want!" he shouted in manic glee at her discomfort.

"STOP!" Outside sped past in a blur of colour, it felt like the car could lose control at any moment and they'd veer off into a ditch.

"Say you're sorry," Billy said, so calmly that it was chilling, and he looked over at her with a casual air that was so full of menace that Joss started to feel not only the thrum of adrenaline-fueled fear, but the genuine disquiet of stomach-churning dread.

"Just stop, okay?!" Joss pushed herself back in the seat, her fingernails digging into the soft black leather near her thigh.

"Say it, Joss," he taunted, like this was a childish game, the anger still simmering on the surface like the bubbling of a boiling pan of water on the stove.

"Please," Joss closed her eyes but it didn't make the situation feel any better.

"SAY IT!" He wasn't even looking at the road, his eyes burning into her in furious demand, and Joss felt her heart flutter in a roil of panic, the threat of someone getting hurt felt so sickeningly real, and Billy really didn't seem to care if it was both of them that suffered as a result in this moment.

"Billy!"

He ignored her, his eyes going back to the road with a determined gleam, his palms playing out a furious rhythm on the wheel.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I apologize!" she screamed at him. "Just stop!"

As if a magic word had been spoken the car came to a jolting halt, lurching Joss forward from her seat for a moment, into the tight embrace of her seat belt that pushed her back with an unkind shove. Billy whooped, enjoying the rush, and then he laughed, eyes dancing, like this had all been some big joke, a 'harmless' prank to teach her a lesson.

Joss didn't wait for another second to pass, she sprung out of the car before he could think to engage the locks and slammed the door hard behind her.

"Oh come on! Joss, really? Where are you going? Get back in the car," Billy said coolly, but she could still hear in his tone that he was clenching his jaw.

"Are you crazy? I'm not getting back in there with you!" She turned and began to walk down the road near the grass verge, as there was no sidewalk out here, they were still far enough out of the centre of Hawkins for their surroundings to still mostly be fields.

She heard the brakes of the car squeak as he rolled up alongside her, driving as slowly as he could. "You can't walk all the way back to town."

"Watch me," she said, not looking at him and not faltering in her steps.

"Joss, you are being ridiculous! Get back in the car."

She shook her head over and over, telling him no, and at the same time that she couldn't believe he didn't get it. "There is something seriously wrong with you!" she yelled, not caring about the volume of her voice.

"Stop being so dramatic! I was just playing. Get back in the damn car." He was leaning over towards the open passenger window.

"Don't keep telling me what to do. Leave me alone!"

His voice suddenly took on a matter of fact frankness, like this situation was just becoming too preposterous, and he sighed. "Okay, okay, I get it, I took it too far. Joss, come on get in, I'll drive you to work and we can just forget this spat ever happened."

"Spat?" Joss stopped and glared at him. "Get. Away. From. Me." She bit out every word between gritted teeth.

Billy's lips turned down at the corners and pursed in abject anger, his eyes going to his lap as if considering her words on some inner weighing scale, and then he turned an unrelenting steel gaze directly on her, giving a narrow-eyed stare that told her plainly she had just used up all her luck and all his patience. With an angry deliberate rev of the engine he shot off down the road, leaving her alone, several miles outside of town.