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It my last week of week of school. I been okay I just sometimes need to an adult. I had time to become one. When I was younger I has very mature I gotten that a lot. I let people mostly adult cry on my shoulder. Let my friends cry on my shoulder my parents anyone. I took care of people and always been the oldest to everyone. Now I feel like a kid committing a sin of growing up. I miss a lot of childhood. Amy emotion was so little that I almost never cried but now I cry a lot. I feel too much emotion. I remember when I was younger people said to me that I show so little emotion but now I do a lot.
I feel pluzzed of what I want. Should I be a nurse? Will I ever get married? Will anyone ill see me as a lover? Am I making a mistake in life? I hate disappointment and failure and stupidity I fear it. I just live day to day not caring life. If I die now I think I would care. Maybe I’ll feel joyful so I don’t worry of the person I may or may not become. I feel happy to die. I know it not good but it really what I feel these days. Maybe death is near. No im not going to kill myself. I have not feeling of doing it. I did it once’s and never again. I feel nothing really. Dull even. Maybe my life is ment to be nothing. Need to do nothing.
Well I had a weird dream yeasterday. I had the tips of my fingers cutting off. I got them together and I kept needing to having them palm up so it doesn’t fall off again. I felt overwhelmed at the dream and took places during night. It a weird dream to dream but it still a dream. I wanted to talk about it someone never had a chances. Also happy Mother’s Day I know it a day late but it better late than sorry. I love you mom!