Chapter Text
Ace felt the wood of the scaffold digging into his knees.
Not again.
Please, not again.
“Ace!” a familiar voice roared. Ace threw himself towards the voice, trying to reach out for the friend who was calling to him.
“Oars!” Ace couldn’t see him, not at first. There was a strange haze around the scaffold, separating him from the rising sounds of battle all around him. “Oars, go back!”
Something terrible would happen if Little Oars Junior reached him.
“Ace!” Oars’ hands stretched out of the fog, his familiar face beaming as he went to pick Ace up. “I’ll save you!” The giant’s body jerked as shadows sprouted through his body, impaling him. A moment later, vicious strings were tearing into his flesh. Oars roared in agony and collapsed, his hands going limp on either side of Ace.
“Oars?” Ace called, trying to reach for his friend, but his arms were trapped behind him. Oars’ body dissipated into the mist, and Ace was alone.
The wood of the scaffold dug into his knees.
Marco flew out of the fog, reaching for him, only to be swatted away by Garp.
“Marco!” All he could do was call out to him, all he could do was watch. Why couldn’t Garp let him past? Why couldn’t the man who had been as much a grandfather to Ace as he had to his actual grandson just let Ace live?
Why couldn’t Garp just let Ace be saved?
The wood of the scaffold dug into his knees.
Whitebeard stood facing the admirals and the traitor, Teach.
He shouted that no one would be allowed to harm Ace.
That Ace was safe.
Ace was loved.
But then Teach’s shadow fell over Whitebeard, and Ace screamed for the only father who had ever loved him, the only father Ace had ever known, who he’d loved with his whole heart.
Ace screamed and screamed, curling forward until his forehead pressed against the rough wood.
The wood of the scaffold dug into his knees.
“Don’t be such a crybaby, Ace. That’s Luffy’s job.” Ace lifted his head. Sabo, just ten years old, with his top hat and his missing tooth and his trusty pipe, stood in front of him.
“Sabo?” Befriending Sabo and eventually becoming brothers with him and Luffy was the first time Ace felt needed, wanted, loved. But Sabo was gone, and Luffy was out there somewhere in the fog, fighting to save Ace. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“Neither should you, dummy. Come on. Don’t you want to come sailing with me?” Sabo held out his free hand, and Ace wanted to take it, but his hands were still bound. The sounds of battle we’re getting louder. Ace could hear canons, and Marines, it wasn’t safe, Sabo had to run while he still could.
“Of course I do, but-“
“Fine, be boring and wait until you’re older, then. But I’m going to go have adventures now.” Sabo turned away just as something crashed into the scaffold, and Ace screamed as an explosion ripped his brother away from him and replaced him with a swirl of fog.
The wood of the scaffold dug into his knees.
“Always knew you were an arsonist,” another voice drawled. Ace looked up, and found Law standing at his shoulder, Kikoku in hand. “Everyone around you just gets burned. Even me.”
“Law?” Ace didn’t understand. Or maybe he just didn’t want to. “I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I just…”
“You just let it happen. That’s why you’re a liability.” Law sighed and shook his head. “You didn’t really think I wanted someone like you on my crew, did you? I thought you were strong, and loyal, but you won’t fight to protect them, and you won’t even die to keep your family from being slaughtered.”
“No, I can’t move, I want to help, but-“
“If you really wanted to help them, you would have died fighting Teach, or at least waited for someone strong enough to take him on to catch up to you.” Law’s tone turned smug and borderline cruel. “They’re all dead because of you. You couldn’t protect any of them. You should just die so you can apologize to them in the afterlife.”
There was a flicker of blue, and Law was gone.
The mist closed in, and Ace was cold and alone.
Everyone was gone.
Nobody wanted him.
The wood of the scaffold dug into his knees.
Six weeks after Marineford
Ace surged forward, his arms caught in something behind him - restrained, chained, trapped on the scaffold and forced to watch everyone die - and fell off his bunk with a yelp. There was a fluttering sensation in his chest, in the area where his heart should have been. He’d felt it before, ever since Marineford, especially when he was anxious or scared, but had no idea what it was. Before he had a chance to really question that sensation, footsteps in the hall caught his attention. They approached the infirmary door, pausing in front of it. Probably the night shift patrolling. He held perfectly still until they continued on down the hall.
Ace pulled on his new boiler suit and boots, not bothering with a shirt, and slipped out of the infirmary. He was just glad he hadn’t been assigned to a bunk in one of the regular rooms even though he’d officially been a Heart Pirate for a week. They had given him a uniform, welcomed him without question when Law announced that he was one of them. Ace would feel guilty if he interrupted their sleep with his stupid nightmares.
But he needed air.
The Tang often surfaced at night to cycle her air, so Ace headed for the deck access. He did his best to move quietly, freezing every time he thought he heard one of the Hearts moving around. It took a lot longer to get there with all of his very stealthy pauses to look for sternly concerned crew members who might usher him back to bed.
When he finally made it out onto the Polar Tang’s deck, he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t dislike the submarine’s interior, but he worried a lot about accidentally disturbing someone’s sleep. Those halls echoed.
Up here, Ace felt like he could breathe or cry or maybe even yell at the stars without upsetting someone or being judged. Especially at night, when the only crew members awake were on the bridge, monitoring the Tang’s instruments.
Except that tonight he wasn’t alone.
There was a lantern on the upper deck that shone soft golden light, silhouetting whoever was up there. Ace debated just going back inside, or maybe just ignoring whoever it was, but he was also a little curious. Law was pretty strict about the crew’s sleep schedules; who would be up here, defying their captain?
Ace decided to climb up and find out.
Maybe it would help him shake off the lingering pain and loneliness from his nightmare.
He made it to the upper deck easily enough and paused at the edge of the ring of lantern light, surprised. The person sitting there, leaning back against the Tang’s outer shell, staring up at the sky, with a shadowed but familiar cube in his hands, was none other than Law.
Suddenly, it registered to Ace that while he had been on the Tang plenty, it was Law’s ship. And while Ace had known Law for over two years, he had technically joined the Heart crew barely a week ago. And he knew how much Law valued quiet and time to himself.
The nightmare version of Law’s voice echoed in his head.
“You didn’t really think I wanted someone like you on my crew, did you?”
Ace stepped back, determined to leave his…his what? His friend? His captain? What was he allowed to call Law at this point? Regardless, he was determined to leave Law alone. If Law was already awake in the middle of the night, he didn’t need to worry about Ace. Ace had already kept him awake and worried for too long. He wouldn’t risk making his stupid bad dreams Law’s problem, not after everything Law had already done for him.
“You’re either up very late or very early.” Law’s voice washed over him and riveted him in place. Ace didn’t know what to say, especially when Law’s attention left the sky and settled on Ace, staring straight into his soul.
“Sorry, Captain?” Ace tried. It still felt strange to call Law Captain, but that’s what he was, now. Ace had a new captain, and he had to prove himself.
“Stop that,” Law sighed. “It sounds weird when you call me that.” Ace didn’t bother to hide his surprise. He hadn’t considered that him joining the crew might be an adjustment for Law, too. He sounded tired. Wait, was he not sleeping again? Should Ace tell someone? “Why are you awake, Wildfire?” It felt nice to hear the nickname again. Nicknames were familiar, they were safe. A little of the lingering tension from his nightmare drained out of Ace’s body, and he stepped into the ring of lantern light.
“Why are you?” Ace countered as he sat beside Law. If he was sleeping less than usual again, that was more important than Ace’s nightmare. “And is that my heart?”
“I asked you first,” Law grumbled. He started to put the heart in his pocket, then paused. “Did you want this back? Because all you have to do is say so.”
“You’re just giving up on my heart that easily? I’m wounded,” Ace teased.
“Not anymore you’re not,” Law muttered. “Now did you want this back in your chest or not?”
“Nah.” Ace gave him a lopsided grin. “You can keep my heart as long as you want.” Law stared at him for a second, his cheeks darkening.
“Shut up.” Law turned the heart over in his hands idly, almost like he wasn’t really thinking about it. As his fingers brushed over the part of the cube closest to part of Ace’s heart, Ace felt that strange fluttering sensation in his chest again. So that’s what it was. “You’re still dodging my question, you know.”
“What was the question, again?”
“Why are you awake?” When Ace didn’t answer right away, Law’s hands stilled, and Ace wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or not, but he thought he could feel the gentle pressure on his heart. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” Ace assured him, making sure he didn’t hesitate this time. It was even mostly true. Now that he was sitting next to Law, it was easier to remind himself that Law did want him around. It was also easier to worry about Law’s possible lack of sleep than think about his own nightmare.
“You sure? Wandering around at night and deflecting questions isn’t normally Ace is fine behavior.” Law’s gaze was sharp even though his tone was still casual. Ace debated lying, insisting he was okay, maybe turning the tables on Law and demanding to know why he was awake now that Ace had answered. Bepo and Cora and the others would probably be super worried if they knew Law was out here alone instead of sleeping. Ace was already starting to worry enough for all of them. He was about to confront Law about it, but Law spoke first. “Your feelings aren’t a burden, Wildfire.”
“Damn, Law, you went right for the kill on that one, didn’t you?” Ace muttered. “How’d you even know?”
“You came up here trying to be alone instead of going to Marco to talk. Then you came to see who was up here and almost walked away. I know the signs.” Law leaned over a little and nudged Ace’s shoulder with his own. “Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
Ace didn’t want to. He hadn’t wanted to make his stupid nightmare Law’s problem. But he also didn’t want to refuse to tell his friend what was bothering him. Finally, Ace sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees and resting his chin on his forearm.
“So many people died to rescue me. People I loved. People I wanted to protect. In my dreams, I keep seeing all the people I lost. This time it was Oars and Pops and even my brother, Sabo. Sometimes it’s Thatch, or some of the others. There are people who are still alive, too, either trying to save me or…” Ace bit his cheek for a second to stop himself from tearing up as he finished. “…or blaming me for what happened, for not helping more. Which shouldn’t hurt because I blame myself, too. But it does, it hurts like hell, especially when they say they don’t want me around because of it.”
Ace expected Law to have some kind of dry retort, some witty observation that would make Ace laugh and break through this awful feeling.
“Is one of them me?” Law asked instead. Ace tensed, fingernails digging into his own skin. Had he really been so easy to read?
“What?”
“Am I one of the people in your nightmares, blaming you and telling you that you don’t belong?” Law wasn’t looking at him directly; he was staring down at the cube in his hand, tracing the outline of Ace’s heart. For a second, Ace wanted to lie. To say that Law wasn’t in his nightmares, that Ace had never doubted how much Law cared, because he knew that so many other people misunderstood Law, or assumed things about him because of his appearance or reputation.
But it took too long for him to figure out how to deny it. After a few seconds of silence, Law seemed to understand the answer. His fingers flexed around the cube, but didn’t put any pressure on it as he seemed to be lost in thought. After a moment, Law seemed to come to a decision. He let out a rough sigh, and Ace lifted his head to watch him, a mixture of curiosity and wariness swirling around in his heart. Maybe he was going to get up, to finally give up on Ace. Maybe Law was so upset that Ace’s subconscious doubted him even after everything that he couldn’t sit next to him anymore. Maybe Law was going to chew him out for being stupid.
“What did I say in the dream?” Law asked at last.
“Huh?”
“Your nightmare. The one where everyone was blaming you. What did I say?” Ace held perfectly still, trying to figure out a way to answer that wouldn’t upset Law. He couldn’t hurt Law’s feelings. Not over this. Not when Law was still sitting with him, still putting up with him. “If I said it, if you think it sounded enough like me to believe it even for a second, I think I should know.” Ace disagreed completely. Law should never know what Ace was so afraid of hearing from him. Law’s hand entered his field of vision, holding his heart so gently even as it pounded away in its cube that Ace wanted to tear up. “You’re upset by something you imagined my voice saying. Tell me what it was, Wildfire.”
“I don’t want to,” Ace whispered, his heartbeat racing so fast he worried that his heart might escape Law’s careful hold. “I can’t.” He had promised himself he wouldn’t worry Law anymore.
“You can. I’m not ordering you as your captain, Ace, but I’m asking you as your friend. Tell me what you dreamed about me saying that hurt you so much.” Ace couldn’t deny him any longer, couldn’t hold it in when Law insisted with that voice that was so low and gentle, but left no room for argument.
“You said it was my fault. That I let them die, and I’m a liability. That I don’t belong on your crew, and if I really wanted to help everyone, I would have died instead of being captured. You said I should die so I can go apologize to Pops and the others. And I’m afraid the dream you was right. That it’s my fault, and I shouldn’t have survived, and-“ Ace broke off as Law’s hand came up to hold his chin. Law must have shifted to sit facing him, and Ace was so busy blurting out borderline blasphemy against Law that he hadn’t noticed. “Uh.”
“I am glad that you survived.” Law’s voice and eyes were unrelenting steel, his grip on Ace’s chin and heart firm but gentle, without any room for him to escape. “We are all glad that you survived. Losing Pops hurts like hell. Losing each and every one of them does. But every one of us chose to be there. We chose to risk our lives and our crews for you.” Law’s thumb rubbed lightly against the corner of Ace’s mouth, and Ace felt his disembodied heart skip a beat. “I chose to risk my family for you, because without you, my family would never have been whole again. And now you are part of my crew, as well as my family, and that means that you belong here more than ever, and I will not let you go. I am keeping your heart, and I am keeping you, Portgas D. Ace. I don’t care what you or your nightmares think you did, or didn’t do, or should have done. You’re mine, now. You belong on this ship, on this crew. You belong with me, and you belong to me. Understand?”
Ace just stared at him, stunned and overwhelmed. His cheeks felt like they were on fire, but not from his devil fruit, because he couldn’t really feel those flames. A sound vaguely resembling a distressed cat escaped him, and Ace was mortified, but Law didn’t flinch.
“Do you understand, Ace?” Law repeated steadily. Ace swallowed hard and tried to process what he’d been told.
He knew Law liked him, knew they had been friends and that Ace had even been considered part of the family. But something about Law holding his face and his literal heart while insisting that he was going to keep Ace, that Ace belonged at his side, felt different. It felt important, like it meant something, even if Ace didn’t know what.
It felt…safe.
It felt like home.
“I understand what you said,” Ace said softly, his voice trembling slightly. “But I don’t understand why.”
“You’re family. You’re my friend. You’re part of my crew. Isn’t that reason enough?” Law asked.
“But…why me?” Ace insisted. “I’m just-“
“You’re not just anything, Wildfire. You’re strong, and you’re kind, and you would fight to the death for the people you love. Hell, you almost did.”
“But-“
“But that’s not enough to convince you, is it? Well, then, maybe a more selfish reason will do it,” Law mused. His serious expression regained a hint of his usual smug look as he continued. “I’m a pirate captain. When I decide I want something valuable, I take it. And whether you think you deserve it or not, you are something valuable, and I decided I wanted you, Second Division Commander Portgas D. Ace. Deal with it.”
Ace struggled for any kind of response, and none came to mind for several long seconds as he tried to process the frankly overwhelming tirade Law had just given him. Finally, in an attempt to relieve the crushing weight of the moment, of Law’s conviction, Ace blurted out “Are you calling me a treasure?”
“I suppose I am,” Law smirked, his cheeks darkening a little. “If that’s too much for you, I can go back to listing all the qualities you have that make you a worthy crew member.”
“Please don’t. My heart can’t take any more of that tonight,” Ace admitted. Law leaned forward, his forehead resting on Ace’s for a moment, his expression relieved.
“I’ll stop if you tell me about your desert reunion with Luffy. I heard you two ran into each other in Alabasta.”
“Deal.”
Law moved back, and settled beside Ace again, holding his heart in one hand and slid his other arm around Ace’s shoulders. Ace started his story to avoid thinking about how nice that was.
They were still talking, leaning against one another, when Cora came looking for them at dawn.