Chapter Text
To Max’s surprise, she passed a furious-looking Zach Riggins storming down the stairs from the girl’s floor on her way up. He didn’t really even seem to notice her, but Max still felt it prudent to press herself all the way over against the handrail and give him as much room as she could. His glare was thunderous and Max had plenty of stuff of her own to freak out about. She didn’t need to add a pissed-off meathead to her list.
He disappeared into the main corridor of the boy’s floor and slammed the door behind him. Only once he was gone did Max resume her own climb, double-timing it now. She couldn’t say for sure exactly what she was afraid of, but Zach had a temper and all the testosterone of a State All-Star quarterback. He could wreak a lot of havoc if he wanted to.
When she reached the girls’ floor, though, there was no sign of devastation. Indeed, Dana and Juliet were hovering in the doorway to Dana’s room, laughing together. When Max hesitantly eased the door to the dorm corridor open, they both turned to see her and brightened at once.
“Max!” called Dana. “Come say hi!”
It wasn’t that Max and Dana weren’t friends, really. Dana was, without question, the friendliest girl in the hall, with a warm smile and kind word for basically everyone who crossed her path. Juliet wasn’t nearly so outgoing, though, and Max had barely exchanged a dozen words with her since the start of the year. She’d wanted to - Juliet was an insightful, if merciless, reporter for the school paper, who’d written a devastating critique of the Vortex Club for the previous week’s issue, and Max found herself admiring both Juliet’s courage and her articulation - but there was an intimidating intensity to Juliet’s presence that Max had always struggled to overcome. Those piercing green eyes, the exact same shade as summer ivy in shadow, always made Max shiver… though not solely with fear.
Juliet wasn't trying to be off-putting or anything. Max knew that. It was just her own issues getting in the way of making friends, like always. That didn’t really change the fact that Max had sort of been avoiding Juliet all year, a little bit, and, well… since Juliet and Dana were almost always in one another’s pockets, that meant it had been hard for Max to really reciprocate Dana’s overtures of friendship as well, a difficulty that was only compounded by how unfairly beautiful Dana was and how utterly tongue-tied Max always became around her.
Now, though, both girls were smiling broadly - Dana was practically beaming - and Max felt herself drawn inexorably toward them. It wasn’t a completely unfamiliar sensation; there was something about Dana that always made Max want to move nearer to her, to let Dana’s arms curl around her shoulders and pull her close, and in that regard this was nothing out of the ordinary. What was different was that Juliet didn’t seem to be in the way this time and Max thought it might actually occur. Her face heated up so quickly she probably could have used it to boil water.
And, indeed, Dana bounced out of her doorway and pulled Max into a hug, as simply and as eagerly as if it were a thing that happened every day. It was as comfortable and inviting as Max had always imagined it would be, despite her usual unease about physical touch. Dana seemed almost uniquely able to overcome that. “How are you?” she asked. “You have this dazed look in your eye like you just won the lottery. Or your aunt just died.”
“Maybe it was an aunt she doesn’t like?” Juliet suggested. Dana let out a scandalized gasp that was at least half guffaw. She didn’t let go of Max, though, which meant that Max needed to be the one to do so, and quickly, before she did something truly ridiculous like let her head fall over and come to rest on Dana’s soft, comfortable-looking shoulders, or even softer and more comfortable-looking bosom. When that thought hit, Max actually felt herself get slightly dizzy and she quickly pulled herself free, leaning instead with one palm against the wall and her head down.
The teasing quality in both Dana’s and Juliet’s voices disappeared at once. “Seriously, Max,” said Dana, who indeed sounded quite serious all of a sudden, “are you all right? Do you need me to call somebody? Should you sit down?”
“No, no,” Max managed to say, waving the idea away. “I’m… I’m okay. It’s just been… kind of a strange day.”
“Everything all right?” Juliet prodded, but she too sounded concerned rather than simply nosy.
Nodding, feeling herself starting to settle down a little, Max replied, “Yeah, yeah. I’m good. It’s just, everything’s…” She shook her head.
“Strange,” Juliet finished for her. “Yeah, you said. What happened?”
“Victoria went crazy,” Max explained, “and then… I think Courtney asked me on a date?”
“Ooooh!” Dana squealed, excited. “Did you say yes?”
“I… don’t think I gave her an answer,” Max said, though she needed to review her memories of what had occurred first. “She told me to think about it and let her know.”
“So, dates with girls are not off the table for you,” Juliet said, peering intently at Max. Max blinked at her, uncomprehending, and then realized what she’d just done and blushed again, even harder.
“Oh fuck. I just came out, didn’t I?”
“Welcome to the queer club!” Dana enthused. “I’m a founding member here at Blackwell.”
“I’m not, but…” Juliet chewed her lip. “I’ve been… considering my options recently.”
“She means she just dumped Zach,” Dana stage whispered to Max.
Juliet scowled at her friend. “Hey! A little sensitivity, if you please? This is a very trying time for me!” There was a pause as they glared at each other, then suddenly they both started laughing again. Max looked back and forth between them, trying to figure out which of the three of them was the crazy one. A minute or two before and she’d been fairly certain it was herself. Now, though, she wasn’t sure.
Seeing Max’s expression, Juliet got her laughter under control. “Actually, I really am mad about it, but not at Dee. No, I dumped him because he’s been sexting with Victoria. I confronted him about it and he tried to get us to fight each other over him, only she just walked right by a second ago like he wasn't even there. Guess we’re all changing our minds about him, huh? Oopsy-daisy!”
“And… now you’re thinking about dating girls?” Max blinked. “Wow. He was that bad a boyfriend?”
“Well, I don’t know about girls, plural,” Juliet hedged, “but maybe one girl.”
“If Courtney’s not locked all of us out,” Dana put in, grinning.
“....What?” frowned Max, trying to figure out what Courtney had to do with anything.
“She means you,” Dana giggled. “Obviously.”
It took far, far too long for Dana’s meaning to penetrate. It felt like she was speaking some foreign language that Max barely understood and had to translate each concept, piece by piece, in her head before she could assemble it all into one coherent idea. And once she did, she very nearly passed out.
“W- what?” she stammered. “Me?” Dana nodded, almost giddy. Juliet’s nod was slow to start but seemed no less certain once it got going. Max stared back and forth between them. “Is- is this some kind of joke?” she demanded.
The excited, happy looks on both of the other girls’ faces faded into a mix of confusion and horror.
“What? No!” said Dana. “Max, I- we would never!”
“Never,” Juliet agreed fervently. “Especially not to you. I like you, Max-”
“So do I,” Dana put in.
“-and the last thing I’d ever want to do is laugh at you.”
But the words were nonsense. Their smiles were too bright, their eyes too wide, their words too affectionate. Suddenly, they sounded to Max less like friends and more like some kind of cult, like they were about to abduct her and turn her into a Stepford student or cheerleader drone like them. Max pulled back, stumbling away. Both girls’ faces crumpled; Dana started to take a step after her, but Juliet caught her arm and shook her head. Max barely noticed. She scrambled away, down the hall, fumbling her door open almost blindly, and slammed it behind her. After a second, she locked it too, something she hadn’t done even once during her time at Blackwell up until that moment. Then she stumbled to her bed and collapsed down onto it.
What in the world was happening to her?
All her life, Max had struggled with social anxiety. It was a long-familiar companion and she had the meds and the IEP to prove it. People paying attention to her always made her uncomfortable, with intensities that covered the spectrum from mildly avoidant to outright panic. It lay behind the issues with her photography that Mr. Walker had pointed out. In some ways it even lay behind her troubles dating, because approaching someone with an admission of attraction felt more like painting a bull’s-eye on her chest than anything anyone would ever call “romantic.” This certainly wasn’t the first time she’d had to flee somewhere and return to the solitude and safety of her room because the people around her became too much.
Still… this seemed different. Weirder.
In fact, the more she thought about it, the weirder it got. Victoria giving her an answer in class would have been bizarre enough, but to have her then lie about it? Ordinarily, rubbing Max’s nose in her superiority would have been Victoria’s move, wouldn't it? And then Courtney, Dana, and Juliet all three basically asking her out within minutes of one another? Juliet wasn’t even into girls! (Well, theoretically she wasn’t. The possessive, almost clingy way she acted toward Dana had given Max pause to consider on more than one previous occasion.) No one except Warren had asked Max out since the semester started and now, three at once?
And why weren’t they more upset about the possibility of competition? Dana and Juliet had both been practically cheering over the idea of Max going out with Courtney, even though they then immediately turned around and confessed to liking her themselves just minutes later!
The only thing that made sense was that they were playing some kind of incredibly cruel joke on her. If it had just been Courtney, Max could have accepted that answer, though only with regret; she’d really started thinking she and Victoria’s right-hand fashionista were getting long. Thinking the same thing of Juliet and especially of Dana, though? That was harder and far more depressing. Dana had been a kind, gentle, reassuring presence in the dorms since the day Max had first moved in. The idea that she would have turned on Max so thoroughly felt both wrong and like a deep betrayal. It didn’t seem like something she would do. Max desperately wanted it to be something she wouldn’t do.
Maybe… maybe it wasn’t meant to be cruel? Maybe it was supposed to be a confidence boost of some kind? It was producing the exact opposite of that effect, but Max could maybe believe that. Dana and Juliet - and perhaps even Courtney, who knew - could be trying to make Max feel better, more attractive, more welcome at Blackwell by making some light-hearted passes at her? Maybe Max wasn’t even supposed to be taking them this seriously. Maybe Juliet had just been joking. “Oh, Max, you’re such a great person, you’re turning me gay!” Not actually all that funny, but it could have been an accident. Noble intentions, panic-inducing execution.
She could believe that. It was far better to believe it than to listen to the still-panicking corners of her anxiety, at least, the parts that were continuing to insist that everyone hated her and she was nothing to anyone except a useful target for ridicule.
There was a knock at her door. “Maxerator?” called Chloe’s voice. “You in there?” The handle jiggled.
Wiping away the tears that had begun to leak from her eyes at some point, Max rolled out of bed and moved over to unlock her door. When she opened it, Chloe was standing there, alone, looking deeply worried.
On the one hand, Max was getting a little tired of people looking at her with worry in their eyes. On the other, worry was almost certainly the right emotion for anyone to be directing at her right then.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey yourself,” Chloe replied. She glanced down the hallway at something Max couldn’t see for a second before looking back at Max. Her penetrating gaze scoured Max from head to foot. “You good?”
“I… don’t know?” Max replied honestly.
Chloe chewed her lip for a second, then said, “I was thinking about taking a drive. You feel like heading out to the lighthouse with me? You can bring your camera, see if we can catch some of that good golden hour light you’re always on about.”
Frowning, Max asked, “Weren’t you and Rachel… um… busy?”
“She’ll keep,” said Chloe. “You’re important to me too.”
Max’s eyes narrowed. “Did Dana or Juliet say something to you guys?” Without waiting for an answer, Max leaned out of her doorway and, sure enough, Juliet and Dana were still hovering in Dana’s doorway, but now Rachel had also joined them and all three were looking right back at Max. As soon as Max made eye contact, Rachel straightened up and hustled the other two into Dana’s room, shutting the door swiftly behind them.
“Okay, yeah,” Chloe admitted, “Dana came to Rach’s room and said you were freaking out. But I volunteered to come check on you. We told you to come find us if you were having a bad day, remember? You are important, Max, to both of us. I wanted to make sure you were okay and so did Rach.”
For a moment, Max scowled up at her best friend, but it faded quickly. As little as she liked the sensation of being handled with kid gloves, part of her thought maybe it was a good idea right then - and no one in the world could make her feel quite as safe as Chloe did. Chloe held out an arm and, after only a tiny amount of hesitation, Max let herself step into the embrace and be pulled, with the unique kind of gentle roughness that somehow only Chloe seemed to possess, against the taller girl’s side. “I’m having a really weird day,” she said finally.
“Come on,” said Chloe, giving her a little squeeze. “I’ll drive and you can tell me all about it.”
Despite Chloe’s suggestion, they actually didn’t really talk during the trip itself. After a quick stop at Chloe’s place to refresh Chloe’s weed supply and grab a toolset from David’s garage so Max could do a little maintenance on her camera (something that usually helped calm her down), they headed up to the lighthouse on the bluff overlooking Arcadia Bay in a comfortable, almost cozy silence. It was something for which Max was exceedingly grateful. After five years of absence, driven in large part by that same set of anxieties that had nearly resulted in a breakdown today, Chloe had surely had every right to never speak to Max again, let alone offer any kind of forgiveness - and yet she had, almost without hesitation, as soon as Rachel had brokered a reunion between them.
It helped, Max suspected, that Rachel herself had seen one of Max’s panic attacks on her first day at Blackwell, the direct result of Max meeting the girl who was arguably the most attractive and inarguably the most popular girl on campus. Rachel could overwhelm just about anyone; Max she had literally sent gasping to the floor with one flirtatious comment too many. (Honestly, it wasn’t really Rachel’s fault; Max had been on edge already from a full day’s worth of social interactions among entirely new faces, all while both dreading and anticipating seeing Chloe again. Rachel just happened to be the gorgeous, blue-feather-adorned last straw.) No doubt seeing Max’s collapse had earned her a little bit of Rachel’s sympathies, which were then passed along in due time to Chloe as well. Certainly Chloe had behaved with unexpected solicitousness and care when they did finally encounter one another again.
Still, there was some real guilt about getting in the way of Chloe’s quality time with Rachel. Max was incredibly envious of both of them; there wasn’t much she could imagine wanting more than to be the girl who got to kiss Rachel unless it was to be the girl who got to kiss Chloe. But they were so blissful together, so blatantly in love, that all Max could do was wish the both of them well. The two of them breaking up would be devastating, and not only to them. However it played out, Max knew it would break her own heart too, because she cared so much about seeing both of them happy. So being here, in the way, was upsetting, even as much as she couldn’t deny that she probably needed it.
When they at last reached the lighthouse, Chloe parked the truck at the base of the bluff and they took the short hiking trail through the woods up to the lighthouse proper. It was a warm day, unusually so for early October, and for a moment Max felt a pang at the time that was already passing. In just, like, seven or eight months, something like that, Rachel was going to graduate and she and Chloe would be leaving Arcadia Bay, probably forever. This year might be the last Max ever spent with Chloe. How had she let herself waste so much time already?
There was a bench near the edge of the bluff - not close enough to be dangerous, but close enough to give a breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean and the sun setting slowly down into it. It was indeed the golden hour and the light carried with it a luxuriant, honey-amber warmth. When Chloe paused to lean on the bench and look out over the water, Max couldn’t keep herself from taking a picture. It was the first thing she’d seen that might actually qualify as a worthy entry for the Everyday Heroes contest. Chloe was certainly one of Max’s heroes, and right then she looked it, shining and bronzed in the sunlight. Goddess of Punk, she could call it. Max found herself smiling at the thought.
“Have a seat, Pete,” said Chloe, dropping down onto the bench and gesturing for Max to do the same. If she’d noticed Max’s pause for a photo op, she was probably too used to such things by now to see any need to comment.
Taking the offered spot, Max turned sideways on the bench so she could face Chloe. Chloe didn’t quite reciprocate; she just twisted around so she could put her elbow on the back of the bench and lean on it. “Okay,” she said. “Start at the beginning. Tell me everything.”
For the most part, Max did just that, starting with Victoria’s entirely unprecedented generosity in Photography and on through the rest of the afternoon, only really skipping over her semi-breakdown in the wake of Chloe and Rachel’s teasing in the bathroom. After all, while it had certainly contributed its piece to Max’s general sense of being overwhelmed, she didn’t want to make Chloe feel bad. Also, the truth was, it was probably the most normal thing that had happened that afternoon anyway. It wasn’t like it was the first, or second, or even the tenth time Chloe and Rachel had ganged up to reduce Max to a flustered, babbling mess. As mortifying as it was, Max also kind of liked it, if she were being honest. Even if it wasn’t quite the way she wanted it, the attention felt good. Made her feel good about herself, even if it also always came at the price of a little heartache too.
Chloe listened intently, just letting Max spill out her feelings. She’d always been good at that. It didn’t honestly take all that long - the afternoon had certainly felt longer than it really had been - and when it was done, Chloe tilted her head to one side and studied Max with a small smile on her face.
“How are you doing now?” she asked.
“Better,” Max admitted. “Just talking about it helped a lot.”
“Good. Glad to hear it.” Chloe reached out and put her hands on Max’s shoulders. “Now, look me in the eye. Captain Bluebeard’s got some orders for her first mate.”
Grinning, Max obeyed, trying not to think too much about how utterly gorgeous Chloe’s sky-blue eyes were. “Aye aye, cap’n. Long Max Silver, reporting for duty.”
“I know it’s hard for you to be the center of attention,” said Chloe, “but I want you to start trying to get used to it. Today’s probably not the last time it’s going to happen.”
Max blinked. “What? Why not?”
“Because you’re you, dummy,” Chloe laughed, “and people like you. I like you. Rachel likes you. Dana and Juliet and Courtney like you. That’s not weird. It’s pretty damned ordinary, actually, seeing as you’re totally awesome. You have a big heart and sexy eyes and incredibly kissable freckles and people are going to notice.”
Her voice dropped a little, became husky. “In fact, most of us already have.”
In that moment, Max’s world ripped in two. In one part, the girl she’d loved what felt like her entire life was just inches away from her, her hands on Max’s shoulders, her eyes unmistakably on Max’s lips, illuminated by the setting sun in a way the gods must have designed specifically to make her look as beautiful as she could possibly be. In the other part, Max could practically see Rachel Amber staring at her from a spot just over Chloe’s shoulder, an expression of unspeakable pain and betrayal blazing in her hazel-gold eyes.
“Stop!” shouted Max, throwing herself backward. Chloe jerked back, stunned. “Chloe! What- what are you doing?”
“I thought…” Chloe suddenly looked horrified. “Oh shit, Max, I thought- I thought you wanted to- oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“Not me!” Max cried, cutting her off. “Rachel! You have a girlfriend! You can’t just go around kissing whoever you want! You have- you can’t cheat on her!”
Chloe’s mouth hung open. Her brow furrowed in confusion. “But Max…” she said, shaking her head, “Rachel wouldn’t mind. Not when it’s you.”
“What?”
“I told you,” Chloe said, still seeming not to understand Max’s outburst. “She likes you too.”
Max stared at her. “Rachel?” she repeated blankly. “She… what?”
“Rachel likes you too. Pretty sure she’s gonna ask you out when we get back.”
Max spent about ten seconds trying to process that and then did the only thing that seemed to make any sense at all. Her eyes rolled up in her head and she passed right the fuck out.