Chapter Text
Laying his head down on the bed that didn't quite feel like his own but was, Basil tips his head back to the ceiling. There was residue from glow in the dark stars long since peeled off on the ceiling, 'I remember him helping me put those up' he thought, before another thought crossed his mind as he looked to the calendar on the wall.
'Do you think of me on my birthday, Sunny? Do I linger in your thoughts like poison on your lips? Do you forever have the curse of thinking of me when you see a blooming sunflower reaching out towards the sun desperately? Am I innocent in your memory?'
-
After a few hours, his eyes opened, he'd like to pretend they slowly opened sleepily, but it was more like he'd just blinked and the day had went on without him. Basil had fallen asleep into a dreamless sleep and woke up. He could almost laugh at how he'd slept the way he did, Basil was always scared of sleeping on his back after being told a faux scary story from a brown haired boy with dark curly hair that fell down to just his mid neck that he used to be friends with. Used to...? Did they ever officially stop being friends or was it just another case of 'friends will drift apart!' and how it's 'just a part of life!'. Yeah, well, it's true but.... Did it have to be true?
Pushing himself into a sitting position on the duvet, he can't help but remember he'd slept fully in the clothes he'd gone outside in previously in the day. Rich, isn't it? Did it even matter anymore if there was a difference between sleep clothes and day clothes, or was he too miserable to care anymore? Maybe both.
Well, on the brighter side, it was only 6:30pm. Still day left, there's still an opportunity to achieve a good day and to change his mindset into a positive one. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he stands up, his legs wobbly for a second at staying in a single position for a while during sleep. The bed behind him was unclean, maybe a reflection of himself if he thought on it. But it could easily be covered up by adjusting the sheets, he'd just do it when he got back.
Walking towards the mirror, his biggest concern was that the flower weaved into his hair might've become crushed and damaged. But once he reached the mirror, a bigger concern emerged. Could he go out like this? Looking like some sort of freak? Scars littered up his arms, more jagged on the right arm than the left? Hell, some of them were recent and it showed that they were recent. How did he go out like this before? No wonder he gets fucking bullied and pushed around. He deserves it of course. He'd bully himself if he was an outsider.
Snapping himself out of his thoughts, Basil huffs. Well, it's my body, why should I have to cover up my scars? I'm the one who has to live with them not anyone else!
With a new found confidence, he exits his room (turning the light off after him of course) and closes the door behind him. He falters for a second at the stairs, but goes on despite it. He was ready to go out and not let anyone judge him, he didn't care! Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he takes his shoes off of the shoe rack and puts them on, tying his laces and-
"Basil?" A voice calls from behind him, making him jump and his heart beat pick up. "Hwuh-? Oh- Um, hi...?" Basil speaks nervously, tears pricking in his eyes from the unexpected confrontation. Right, he'd forgotten about Polly, how could he forget about Polly. "Where are you going?" She asked in a calm tone, Polly was nice, but for some reason there was just a part of him that despised her and everything she does. "I, uh, just wanted to head out to the- the park." Basil mumbles, all of his confidence lost at the prospect of him being denied to leave the house.
Polly eyed him suspiciously at the nervous demeanor, but sighed anyway. "Okay, come back before dark though." Despite being allowed to go, he still felt a pang of guilt as if he's inconveniencing her and that she was annoyed. Oh God and the sigh, she hates him, she fucking hates him so much. He should just kill himself, walk in front of a car when he walks out the door, drink weed killer, throw himself down the stairs-
"Are you leaving or what?" Polly taps him on the shoulder, bringing him back out of his thoughts- he hadn't even put both shoes on. "Oh! Um... Yeah, okay. Sorry." He mumbles the sorry, pulling his other shoe on quickly before tying them just as fast. His voice was filled with tears and his movements were shaky, he felt in pain when he straightened his back to stand up.
"Okay- leaving now, bye." Basil stutters as he walks out the door, stumbling without looking while he goes as he almost trips over a plant. If he kicked that over, that would be the final straw for him that day, he thinks. Gathering himself once more as he hypes himself back up with false confidence, he was going to go to that park and wouldn't be ashamed of himself! Yeah! With much more of a spring in his step, he passes the next street and looks out at a house he hadn't approached in years now. 'Does he yearn for me like I yearn for him?' Basil thinks before tearing his eyes away painfully, is the tree still standing? He heard that they had it cut down, is the tree house still up? Are the items he accidentally left there standing through the weather? Did he take them inside for memories sake, or did he destroy them like he did? Pushing the thoughts away once more, he reaches Faraway Town park. The old sign covered in peeling paint with the plants around it ill grown, maybe he could volunteer to clean them up? He probably couldn't, he wouldn't be good enough.
The sky was already turning a shade of orange, it would get dark soon anyway. Did he have to listen to Polly? She wouldn't look for him anyway, and maybe he hopes he'd get kidnapped. He deserves the worst treatment he can be given. He doesn't deserve death, he deserves to be tortured for days on end and dumped on a random street corner, yeah. The fantasies of this didn't even make him shudder anymore, they just made him hope.