Archive of Our Own ^beta

The air was still crisp, in a not so different way either. 

Even though everything about it was different. Or at least it was supposed to be. Supposed to feel that way. 

Gone was the island cover with the stench of the dead and undead. And the vile entitled people who’d claimed people’s bodies for their own. 

Nami was no longer there. 

She was here. 

She was on the ship filled with all trusted crewnates. 

She was safe. 

Away from the island crawling with restless bodies, the unending mist you could never see past, the cold that rose goosebumps to the skin and the unknown just behind the darkness sent shivers down her spine. 

Nami was away from those— those greedy, concealed fingers. The ones that grazed the expanse of her skin, forcing her into a state of shock. 

In a way she wasn’t really the only one who was thrown in such an apalling predicament. (Though she might be the only living unwilling participant.)

Were they ok then? Were they fine? Were their lives permanently altered? Were they scarred in a way that would never leave them be? 

… Or was she the only one who felt this way? 

The only one who still felt faint shudders rack down her body, and felt eyes probing her every movement— no her every pause, every breath, every step.

No. 

No, it was nothing. 

She was, being paranoid. There wasn’t a single person looking over her shoulder, nor anyone she couldn’t see with the naked eye. There was no secret person around. 

Nami trusted her eyes. Her senses. They were incredible afterall. They were what kept the ship going the right direction. 

So why were they failing her now? 

Not quite failing, but off at least. 

…Was that why she feared the nippy air that lightly changed her skins temperature? And watchful eyes that weren’t present. Or even simple tap- 

A loud gasp escaped Nami’s throat before she could bite her tongue. She was quick to grit her teeth, and exhale smoothly right out to calm herself.

It was just a scare. She always got scared, like Usopp and Chopper. It wasn’t anything new. That was all. It was normal. This was all normal. She was just a little on edge after everything that happened.

“Hey, uh- Nami, you ok there?” She turned to meet the eyes of a worried Usopp. 

Inhale. 

Exhale.

When she did it that way it was barely noticeable. 

She wasn’t freaked out. She wasn’t.

“Of course,” Nami’s lips lifted into her typical grin. “What did you need, Usopp?” 

“Ah, right! I wanted to see your clima-tact actually, see after the last few fights, I realized there were so many other—” 

“I’ll go get it.” Nami hadn’t meant to cut him off, really she hadn’t.

Well maybe she had. But, she didn’t really want to think about battles and what ensued. She didn’t want to him rant about the clima-tact’s abilities and how he could better it. 

Sometimes Nami would indulge him, it was nice to see one of her friends so happy, even if it meant she had to let her ear be chewed off by a rant session. So be it. 

Today though, she wasn’t feeling well. 

“Nami, are you sure you’re ok?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She flashed a wide smile. 

One so big she hoped he couldn’t see past it.

A stretchy hand hastily rushed in, to snag a bowl from across the table. Nami clenched her teeth, an attempt to cover the slight jump she did.

The shouts of protest ensued. 

“Luffy!” 

“Luffy! You idiot!” 

“That wasn’t for you!” 

“Awe did you have to take the last one?” 

Nami couldn't really tell what was being said anymore as it'd become a chaotic argument that the calmer members tried to diffuse the tension. It wasn't anything serious, actually it was pretty typical. 

Knowing she wasn't going to eat any longer--there wasn't more food anyways-- she left the table and walked out onto the deck.

“Do you mind the company?” Robin's voice followed her and Nami chuckled.

“I prefer it actually.” 

She joined her, leaning into the railing. “Do you feel cold?” 

“What?” 

“You’re shivering.” Robin’s small smile remained unwavering. 

“I do, a little. Y’know I’m feeling hot, like really-” 

Really what? Where was she going with this? Was she really going to lie about how she felt over this? 

Why? 

What was the point? 

What would she hide? 

What would she want to hide? 

Nothing. Exactly. There was nothing to hide. So… why? 

“Pardon ladies, I hate to inturrupt!” 

Turning on her heel, the dark-haired woman casted her calm expression towards the entering Nakama. “It’s nothing to worry about.” 

“Ah, well then,” Without having to check, Nami knew the blonde male behind her was most likely trying to compose himself to answer. “I wanted to let you lovely ladies know that there is still plenty of dinner and desserts put aside for just the two of you.” As always, Nami mentally noted. She hadn’t known why he was even coming here to tell them this. This was basically common knowledge by now. “So let me know when you’d like it, and I’ll have it ready.” 

Hm… something felt off about the way he’d kept his tone of voice levelled. It was unusual that he were to do all this without falling over himself as much. 

Though she didn’t want to hyperanalyze something as foolish as a slight change in the way one of her friends spoke. 

“I was craving some dessert and tea actually."

Sanji was quick to satisfy her appetite. “Anything for you Robin-chan!” The exaggerating, bend over backwards Sanji was back at neck-breaking speed. 

Robin seemed as content as Nami felt by that because she let out a soft chuckle. “Do you want anything Nami?” She added. 

Nami was quick to shake her head. Although Luffy had taken food off of her plate, she hadn’t felt agitated about it. 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t hungry, but the sudden shift in her mood changed that instantaneously. Now she was too focused on the problem at hand to think of eating anymore. 

That ship, her appetite, had sailed long ago. 

There was something wrong with her. 

Clearly. 

It’s been days, weeks even. Sure she was a coward, she, Usopp and Chopper had even been acknowledged as such and given the nicknames for it. But this, this was getting out of hand. 

If she couldn’t feel a single tap without jumping, or yelping. 

And it was ridiculous.

Even the shadow of hands instilled fear within her. 

It hadn’t gone away. 

And it was driving her absolutely insane. 

Nami couldn’t stand it any longer. 

The feeling of fingers crawling under her skin. Never leaving her alone. Safety being nowhere near. Being helpless. 

It was all too much. 

She was done with it. 

So she’d handle this herself. 

Though she’d have to have a way to stop feeling this way. Some sort of plan to end it all. Permanently. 

Luckily she held a clue as to how to do so. 

Stepping towards the kitchen door, Nami sighed deeply before letting the thoughts of what she was about to do sink in. 

She was going to admit aloud that she had a problem. Something was… wrong with her. 

Gripping the door knob tightly, Nami pushed on ahead. It was now or never. 

Sliding into the seat in front of the counter she smushed her hands closer together as her nerves made her feel worse. 

The cook that resided here still hadn’t turned to realize her presence. If he took note it was her she was sure he wouldv’e been on his knees awaiting a request be made. 

Though she reveled in the silence, except the sound of the water flowing out of the sink, the moment was the calm before the storm. The anxiety tumbled about from her chest to her stomach. If she didn’t speak up now she felt she never would. 

Which was unlike her. Very unlike her. 

Nami didn’t get nervous talking to any of her friends. Especially not with Sanji. 

But she couldn’t help it. 

This was awkward, uncomfortable and stupid. She felt ashamed she even needed someone else’s help on something so ridiculous. 

Here went nothing. 

“Sanji-kun?” Her voice cracked, it sounded weak, quiet. Very unlike her. 

A quite dramatic gasp alongside a quick whirl towards her, he began. “Nami-swan?! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Sanji bowed dramatically, and if she didn’t feel anxiety raking up and down her body she might crack a smile. 

The familiarity of his exaggerated expressions and gestures sent a warm wave through her. She could feel her own body relax before it tensed up at the memory as to why she’s here.

“Well, it’s…” How did she begin? How would she word this? She knew it. She’d figured out what she had to do. So why was going through with it so difficult? Had she even intended to go through with it? Had she accepted it? She was still holding onto her hands tightly. 

The sound of the rag being dropped into the sink reminded her she was still in the kitchen and she still hadn’t said anything. 

“Nami-san, is something wrong?” His voice was gentle, more of a serious lilt to it. 

The quietness is held made her more anxious. As if everything was finally settling in. No. Why was he preparing for something serious? When it was something so miniscule. So stupid. 

It’d be like asking for a night light because she couldn’t sleep in the darkness. 

Shaking her head she felt her hesitance grow. “No—no, it’s,” stupid, dumb, absurd. “nothing.” she wanted to give him a reassuring smile. 

But how could she do that if she couldn’t even lift her gaze away from her interlocked fingers. 

“Nami-san.” Her eyes shot up at the louder call of her name. The delicate edge to his lips formed a slight smile, though his eyes were as serious as his voice gave away. “If something’s wrong you can tell me.” 

Nami’s hands slowly climbed away from each other and up her arms. Huffing out a breath she spoke up. “I— wait a second.” 

The blonde nodded, allowing her to collect her thoughts. 

“…I have a… problem, and I need help.” She put on a simpering smile, feeling her patience with herself grow thin. 

Admitting such a thing made her feel awkward. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if she didn’t make it one. 

She was open and honest, most of the time at least. Now she’d get the pleasure of witnessing Sanji get weirded out.

Sanji.

Was it too late to back out now? 

Looking back towards him she found he only nodded, the understanding trace in his eye, whilst awaiting what else she had to say.

“You know that guy who tried to marry me at the last island?” Her hands had finally reached her biceps as she hugged herself. She couldn’t meet his eyes to talk about this. She couldn’t focus if she did. 

At the low disgruntled hum, she continued. “I know it might sound strange but sometimes,” all the time. “it feels like he’s still there. trying to—” she stopped herself not wanting to finish that sentence. “And… I know it sounds paranoid, but now I freak out at anyone touching me.” Nami let out a laugh that sounded so fake it was sad. 

Great she was making herself worry. She was starting to sound like she’d really lost it. 

Nami’s eyes flickered to meet a reaction, and found something close to what she’d expected. She hadn’t feared it, but she hadn’t wanted it either. 

Sad eyes, with a hint of fiery emotion. Heavy on the sad. Though the willingness was very much anticipated.

“Nami-san, tell me, how can I help?” So very willing. She didn’t know what she was so worried for. 

Nami felt the last embers of anxiety wilt away and the new flames of confidence well up in her chest. “I need you to touch me.” 

Utter bafflement took over his face unabshedly. “But that’s not how?-” 

Let me explain, she wanted to be practical. “If I can get used to touch, then I won’t be so jumpy over it anymore. So, I was hoping you could help me.” 

Nami heard Sanji take a step back, probably taking in the situation. Yeah, she had to reel it in before she stepped foot in here as well. She’d let him have the moment he needed the way he did for her. 

“Nami-san…” 

“Yes, Sanji-kun?” She placed her chin in the palms for her hands. 

“Nami, I-I can’t.” 

Wait WHAT?! 

“Wait, why not?” She felt outraged, shocked. She almost wanted to pout if nothing else. 

“Because, I can’t give you something you don’t want.” 

“But, I asked for it.” 

“I know,” Reapproaching the counter carefully as if she were a fearful bunny that would scutter away. “I know. But you *really* don’t want that. I can’t… I couldn’t do that. Especially not with knowing how you feel.”

Leaning back, Nami bit her lip holding in the deep groan of frustration she wanted to let out. She wasn’t going to give up. She refused to. Definitely not with such a typically easy target as Sanji. 

“I can still help you though, I’ll talk to everyone, and I won’t tell anyone about this, it’s co-” 

No. No. NO. She shook her head, sucking in a breath she found a new attempt. “Sanji-kun, don’t you want to help me?” Her head tilted to the side, and her eyes pleading. 

“Nami-san please. We can work through this. There are other ways, I’m here for you.” 

Why couldn’t he understand her? This was the only way. Had he thought she hadn’t thought of something as simple as this? Of course she had. She already had. Everything about this felt so humiliating. Why was he making it worse? Why was he making her relive this? 

“Sanji, no, you’re not listening. I don’t want anyone else to know about this. Don’t tell anyone about any of this.” Nami was starting to feel her blood heat up as she responded pointedly.

Sanji nodded, his stare remaining firm. She started up her breathing excercises, knowing her face matching her hair wouldn’t convince anyone of anything. Well perhaps it might. 

“All I’m telling you is I need to get used any sort of touch. So if I feel it more often, then I can get used to it again.”

Feel normal again. 

“I understand. I do, but I don’t want you to force yourself. You shouldn’t force yourself to do anything. If it’s about anyone else, I won’t allow it either.” 

So he really was denying her request. God if she wasn’t so infuriated right now she might find this funny.

Nami wanted to clear her clouded thoughts. She pushed her fingers through her bangs, and pressed lightly at her eyes. She didn’t know what to do. 

Sanji wasn’t the only person she could ask to do this, but he was the target she’d expected she’d feel the least embarrassment with. And she was right about that. 

Perhaps going to Robin, her second choice, really would have been better. 

Sanji spoke up again interrupting her array of thoughts. The pure despair begging was clear in his voice. “Ask me for anything, *anything* at all. And I’ll do it, but I won’t do something you don’t want.” She almost felt bad for him.

Another moment of should I, should I not and Sanji couldn’t keep quiet. Almost as if he found the silence unbearable. Serves him right. 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. This— all of this it’s my fault. If I were there sooner… I should have been there.” 

So he was going to feel *this* guilty and *still* refuse to do as she asked? 

Wait. Why hadn’t she thoight of this sooner? And she called herself sly. How disappointing, perhaps she was losing her edge. 

Dropping her hands to counter, she gave him a grin. “What if I did want it?” 

Sanji’s eyes reached beyond sorrowful, which left an ache in her heart. She was reliveved when his downcast eyes went away to be replaced by a scrutinizing expression. 

For once in the conversation she’d left the man speechless, and intended to keep it that way. 

Raising her hand she forced it to move forward and ahead of her, her stomach tied itself into nervous knots. But she obliged her makeshift split-second plan to keep a smile on her lips. 

And once her hand was hovering above his, her smile cracked. “I’ll just have to do it myself.” Her gaze shifted to palm slowly lowering itself down. 

Time never seemed slower.

“Nami-” She wouldn’t let him speak, she couldn’t.

Darting back up, she responded swiftly. “You feel guilty. And you say you’ll do anything to help me. Then just.” She finally lay it to rest and a cold shiver ran down her arm as well as a burning hot shuddering. Her hand ached with discomfort and begged her to let go. She only stayed still. “Just do this one thing for me.” Her eyes were earnest, she made sure to lean in slowly, hoping to gain his acceptance. 

Yet his eyes remained intently unhappy. Almost unreadable in a way. 

But he still hadn’t moved his hand.

She had assumed his answer at just that glimpse of an action. 

Quick to remove her hand she hoped the discomfort wasn’t too clear on her face. As that was so important to Sanji.

“Fine.” 

Now that physical touch had been taboo in her mind, Nami was able to take note of everything. 

When Nami felt a pat to her back she again, a dirty, aggravating emotion sprouted from out of that spot. Like a stain that could never be removed, she’d cringe. 

Yet when she’d laid her hand down, it hadn’t been as repulsive as she’d envisioned it’d be. There was still eerie cold shooting through her veins, the distress and the deep need to run away. But it was a lot more tame than if it were someone else. 

Perhaps it was her control over the situation. Knowing she had control over what was happening to her was soothing in a way. It was the comfort amongst the dark twisted place she was in. 

So whenever she needed that semblence of sanity. The silent, ‘everything’s ok’ she only needed to press on.

Now her very own fingertips grazed Sanji’s gray blazer. In hopes he’d gotten the message so she hadn’t needed to push herself even harder, she only waited. Letting time sink in and urging herself to hold out longer. 

A careful spin on his heel, and she was met with that unreadable expression once more.

Sanji never hoped for much, he’d only hope to live without regrets, which would be if he ever hurt a woman. 

Now he feels he’s inadvertently done so recently. 

Being unable to protect Nami and Robin from the despicable being that violated them.

That guilt, that overbearing unforgivable guilt weighed down on his shoulders. 

Because it was all his fault. Because he could’ve done more—should’ve done more. And he didn’t. Why didn’t he do more? 

And why did Nami have to suffer for his foolish decisions? 

Why? If it was his fault. Why did she have to go through the consequences for his inaction? 

It wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t fair that it felt like she was begging him to help her go back to ‘normal’. 

It hurt. It hurt him so much that he couldn’t give her what she said she wanted. He wanted to tell her the word that always left his lips. The word that never needed to even be thought of to grant Nami anything she wished. 

But he had to say no. 

Nami herself had told him she hadn’t wanted to be touched whatsoever. He couldn’t agree to do what she wanted him to knowing how she really felt.

Yet something within him was there to remind him that she trusted him. That tiny part of him was what had brought on the approving response. 

Every cell within him told him it was wrong. Yet, that part of him still wanted to believe in Nami. The way he always did. 

It wasn’t easy, knowing how she really felt, he didn’t want to plunge her back into the murky memories of that wretched creep everytime he made skin contact with her. 

So even if he’d agreed to what she’d proposed, going through with it wasn’t easy. 

If it only it were another time. Under different circumstances, he’d be more delighted to do so.

Rays of sunshine beamed down the boys bedroom, a tell-tale sign of the rising morning. 

The room was still dark though, only slightly illuminated by the sun peeking in through the blinds. 

Nami had snuck in, tip-toeing her way into the shared room and onto the mattress of the cook she intended on waking. 

Her knees pressed against it as she softly laid her hands on the fabric of the blonde male’s pajama shirt. Inhale and exhale. 

The sounds of the loud snoring and limbs sticking out all sorts of ways from the other males in the brought a smile to her face. The familiarity always brought warmth to her. 

She gently shook Sanji, and glanced over at his face. At the sight of his still closed lids she went back to the shaking, now a bit more firm. 

Sanji’s eyes fluttered open, darting to the side, probably searching the person who’d woken him up. 

“Good morning, Sanji-kun.”

He squinted, a fairly odd reaction she had to admit, but he was quick to grin blissfully. “Nami-san, please tell me I’m not dreaming.” A soft blush tinged his cheeks.

Here he was again with his dramatic antics, once again she felt the familiarity of it etching itself onto her heart. It brought joy to her, with soothing relief. 

She let a laugh slip past her. “Yes, I’m real.” She held back an eyeroll. 

An even more dramatic gasp left the blonde’s mouth. “Nami-san you are truly a godess. What did I do to deserve such a blessing.” She swore his pupils carved out into a heart.

At this, Nami slapped his arm. “Yeah, yeah, c’mon, get up already.”

She was glad Sanji hadn't asked her to divulge into why she’d woken him up in the first place, she didn't want to have to come up with a lie on the spot. 

Because she couldn’t tell the truth. 

She couldn't tell him she'd had a nightmare, with that man in it. 

If she told him he'd be even more wary of touching her, and she didn't need him to avoid her. 

As comfortable as that was, it couldn't last forever. 

For a moment, she didn't feel that outright discomfort begging her to pull away. Today the aching merely nibbled at her wrists in comparison to what she experienced days prior. 

It felt good to be right, albeit Sanji's worrying, she couldn't help the smigness that accompanied being right.

Was it dumb that Sanji’s smile brought her warmth that melted the cold she still felt on her fingertips. Was it stupid that she found the way he fawned over her melodramatically rather endearing. Was it strange that she stayed stuck on the times he held a calm demeanor, his voice soothing her ears when she felt her heart speeding up in panic. 

Was it weird that he was taking up her brain? Probably. 

Nami could focus on her map-making perfectly well unless there was some sort of outside distractions. 

This time though it was all internal. 

And that wasn’t right.

Because the only things allowed to take up space in her mind when she was busy, was the island they’re approaching or another factor that was simillar to the last. 

Not over something this trivial. 

Placing her pencil down she stared at the door.

Might as well face the problem head on, sitting here and thinking about it wasn’t going to get her anywhere. 

Pushing the door open, something made it pause while slightly ajar. Tilting her head to the side, she found the cause of the door’s sudden stop. 

Unluckily the sound of clattering silverware reached her ears before she could figure out who person was. Rushing forward she saved the platter spilling over it’s contents, her hands wrapped around the bottom. 

It was obvious who was attempting to enter before her interruption.

“Nami-san! Are you ok?” In an instant she felt a smooth warmth furl under her knuckles. She flitted down to see the Sanji’s wrists extending towards the bottom of the tray. “Nami? Nami-san, are you hurt?” His tone of voice teetering a deeper concern brought her eyes to flicker up at his worried expression.

She shook her head, wondering what face she was really making. “This is completely my fault, I should have knocked, I’m so sorr-” 

“Sanji, it’s fine, it was an accident.” She tried to shrug off his worrywart energy alongside his watery eyes. 

Now if she could walk away, she’d be able to get farther from her distraction. She forgot that she was still holding the platter for a moment and that Sanji was as well, but in this case she was trapped in his hands, because of course she was. 

A balmy sensation gingerly slid over her knuckles sending sparking tingles up her arms. “Let me at least take this.” Sanji’s palms reached the handles, and he gave her that amiable smile. 

Normally she’d be glad, that more familiarity was falling into place, that things were going back to what they were supposed to be. But it wasn’t like that now was it? She didn’t feel the way she did before. Things weren’t the way they were before.

Normally she’d be glad, that more familiarity was falling into place, that things were going back to what they were supposed to be. But it wasn’t like that now was it? She didn’t feel the way she did before. Things weren’t the way they were before. 

And it wasn’t supposed to be different. Especially not with Sanji. 

“Since you were heading out, do you want me to bring this to a table out here, or did you want me to leave it he-” 

“Here is fine.” Her rather hasty response surprised the both of them, she noted at seeing Sanji’s wide-eyes before they crinkled as he fell into laughter. “Sorry, I didn’t… what’s so funny?” 

“It’s, nothing, don’t apologize. You’re just so cute when you’re upset.” 

Upset? She wasn’t upset. Why would he think that? And how dare he still have that blindingly toothy grin on his face? How dare he remind her of how velvety his voice sounded when he laughed? 

“I’m not,” Huffing out a breath, Nami grabbed the sides, avoiding the handles for obvious reasons. “Look, I’ll just take this, since you’re already here.”

“Nami-san, I insist.” His grip seemed a bit more firm, as his veins visibly tightened agsinst his skin. Yet his smile remained gentle, and she knew his stubbornness to keep loyal to his gentlemanly ways would never completely stray. 

She knew it was pointless, so, sighing, she let go. A hand on her hip as she watched him stride over to her desk to set the platter down. Nami let a taunting statement out, “You’re denying me more things lately.” She hoped she bit down her frustration hard enough.

Turning on his heel, Sanji spoke up from his spot. “I could never deny you anything, love.” 

Her eyes zeroed in on him, as if he were suspicious. She could almost ignore the way he’d called her by a stupid pet name in a more suave tone than his usual outlandish way. 

Hoping to get more of an honest reaction out of him, she stepped closer towards him. Her hand was still on her hip as she edged closer. 

Though Sanji’s reaction was simply to be more pleased by their proximity. She knew soon enough he’d burst out into some wild flailing and lose his composure soon enough, a reaction she hadn’t been looking for but is perplexed as to how it hasn’t already happened. 

“Yeah, right.” Lifting her head to the side, she crossed her arms whilst looking away from him. 

Nami was used to hearing Sanji’s voice drop an entire octave whenever he had to speak to their male crewmates and quick, harsh denials of almost anything to them. What she wasn’t used to was him denying her of anything. 

And darnit she never wanted to get used to it. That was another thing she wasn’t familliar with. Because Sanji wasn’t supposed to say no to her. He never was. 

So why were things changing?

“Nami-swan, I’ll make you anything your heart desires, just say the word!” His theatric declaration almost made her roll her eyes while also making her bite back a smile. 

She’d hate to give the satisfaction that she was easy to fool into forgetting. Instead she’d keep her nose upturned. Perhaps he’d just give in and give her what she really wanted. An explanation.

“I’ll prove it.” At that she turned to face him. She was astonished at the sudden shift in the way he spoke. It held a more serious air. “I promise I won’t deny you anything truly want.” Sanji’s fingertips carefully dipped down onto her own. 

Nami’s startle this time had nothing to do with what it usually did. 

Things were different now.

Things change, they change all the time. Yet there was always the stillness that was being at ease. 

Things that stayed the same kept her sane during these times. Luffy’s obnoxious yelling, and Chopper fussing over them. 

Little bits and pieces of her crewmates loud tendencies built up the hearty interactions she was used to. 

Everything would fall into place the way it was supposed to, they’d maybe gain one more crewmate and settle into a new calm. 

This time around seemed so different though. 

Was it because there was a living, breathing(?) skeleton on their ship? Or the new ship? The events on the last island were still pretty hard to move past. 

Perhaps it was her that was changing? Was she altering how her life was unintentionally? 

Nami hoped that, that wasn’t the case. Humming to herself she rested her chin onto her knees that she was hugging to herself. 

She let the sounds around her overtake her, the ocean waves crashing onto each other. Luffy, Usopp and Chopper pestering Brooke excitedly, for another song. Franky repairing a part of the ship that hadn’t gone unnoticed by him. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

Sitting here during her break wouldn’t really help fix any of her problems. Thinking up a solution might get you somewhere, but she still had to go through with the ideas. 

So she knew putting off too many interactions with her nakamas would contiue to leave that gap that created the change she despised so much. 

Pulling herself out her sitting position, she ambled over to move closer to group. “Hey, Nami, could ya pass me that drill?” Franky’s raspy voice made her stay a moment. 

“Sure.” She leaned down to grab the tool the blue-haired man requested. “This one, right?” 

“Yeah, that one! Thanks!” 

After Nami returned the polite smile, she stood motionless before breaking into another question. “Is there anything else you needed?” She tilted her head sideways. 

“Nah, you can go back to doing what you were doing.” He waved her off. 

She hadn’t really been able to talk much to Franky, which was funny considering they quite literally lived together, but the crew wasn’t as small as it used to be.

“Do you mind if I stay? I wanted to ask you something.” 

Franky threw her a dumbfounded look. She kind of wanted to laugh at that reaction, but she didn’t want to seem rude if he was stumped for good reason. 

“If my being here is a distraction, you can let me know.” 

“No, it’s not that. I’m almost done— I just didn’t expect that.” 

Did she seem so busy she was simply unavailable in others’ minds? She knew being a navigator made her one of the most important people on the ship, but even then, they didn’t have a hierarchy. And if they did she still wouldn’t be that unreachable.

“I’m on my break, so it’s not really that strange.”

“It’s not that either.” He put the drill down and looked back up to talk to Nami. “I thought you might still be… stuck on what happened.” He admitted. 

Nami looked back at him intently, trying to decode what his words were getting at. Did he even know about what happened on the last island? Or was he getting at some other event? What would she be?- Oh.

“Franky, you know we all forgave you for that already.” Nami’s voice softened. 

His unsure gaze loitered and it made her realize that she might have accidentally imprinted the idea that she was still upset over the past incidents. With one hand already occupied in her denim shorts pocket, her other was the one that patted him on the shoulder. 

Nami internally thanked her entire body for not having a panicked reaction to touching someone else. “Y’know I think I forget how sweet and sentimental you really are. To be hung up on something like that.” She shot him a reassuring grin. 

It put his doubtful guilty expression to rest, something she was relieved to see. “Yeah, well, we don’t talk much.” Franky managed to let out a chuckle. 

Nami nodded, “Usopp does though, even more reason to believe that everything is fine.” From that the both of then casted a glance at the said male who was now linked to Luffy by arm and swaying to the song Brooke was playing. “To be fair, we don’t have that much in common.” 

Franky kneeled down to grab the drill, “We bond through tools, and inventions, something you use too y’know.” 

Nami was glad that Franky also did want to have something in common with her. She did always find him interesting in all his bright eccentric nature. 

She hadn’t tacked him down as someone who’d be clinging onto his own past mistakes. Let alone berating himself for something she no longer thought about. 

“Luffy, I’m not here for you.” 

“Aww, so no meat?” 

A loud groan thay came after rivaled the violin playing. 

Then again, there was always things people hid. Nami herself was no stranger to having secrets and longing for forgiveness, if she hadn’t she wouldn’t be here right now. That’s what garnered the question if there was some closure that was needed on anything, her eyes skimmed group laughing at their captain’s noisy way if begging. Then at the man who’d just walked in, the only person not laughing up a storm, looking as annoyed as ever. 

There was someone who’d still felt guilty, perhaps worse than Franky felt.

Nami couldn’t help but stare intently at Sanji, his feelings weren’t ever as clear as people thought. There were always things he kept to himself, like anyone else, but when it had to do with what he believed would lead to her genuine discomfort he’d be more cautious. He always felt so responsible for whatever happened to her each and every time, he’d risk his life for her. He’s done it before. 

Nami did have insight into one thing Sanji was thinking. Something that’s been on his mind, a misconstrued idea. It was something she hadn’t been able to touch on in the conversation it was brought up.

Nami did have insight into one thing Sanji was thinking. Something that’s been on his mind, a misconstrued idea. It was something she hadn’t been able to touch on in the conversation it was brought up. 

Now she felt regretful for the way she’d handled his heavy feelings, most of his emotions were fleeting yes. Though on that day his guilt was weighing down and crushing him. 

Nami couldn’t pretend she didn’t care, and honestly she didn’t want to. 

Sanji and Chopper had what seemed to be a short conversation, before Sanji managed to sneak away so their captain wouldn’t latch back onto him. 

There was her chance, as open as can be.

“Franky, I have to go do something but,” Her gaze oozing gratefulness. “Thank you.” 

Nami knew the aforementioned man would display his befuddlement aloud even if she hadn’t wanted him to, so she rushed off intending to reach the cook on the way to the lower deck. 

Moseying down the steps, her fingers rarely grazed the crisp edge of his blazer sleeve and pinched the bit she managed to touch. “Sanji-kun, wait!” 

Immediately halting the head full of blonde hair turned around. “Nami-san?” Hah, he was actually taken aback. Hopeful??

She wordlessly tugged him forward, her knuckles making contact with the velvety wrist, a nice heat radiating from it. 

Something about how hot Sanji’s skin always was peaceful in a way. It battled how cold everything else felt. How it felt when she was back on that island. 

Whenever they touched she didn’t feel that relentless frigid fog within. 

And goodness did those hot flames lick away at the god-awful shivers.

Trudging onto an empty side on the lower deck, Nami stood by the railing. She stopped to simply let herself look. To take in Sanji’s essence. Try to take note of what emotions were dripping out of him. She knew he didn’t take too well to staring, his normal ‘losing it’ phase starting it’s countdown, but she hoped she could get a good look before knocking some sense into this fool. 

Nami’s preparedness should be rewarded, for at this point in time she should’ve been more overwhelmed. Yet she wasn’t completely, the scent of burnt cigarettes and fresh bread grounded her in the best way. 

Throwing her hands up, she dropped them hastily onto Sanji’s (stupidly broad) shoulders and bore her gaze directly into his own. “You always feel so guilty over things that are out of your control.” His eyes displayed an flurry of emotions she couldn’t completely capture. “I wish you wouldn’t beat yourself up over things like this.” 

She heard him take in a sharp breath. “I— that’s not…” His gaze met the floor, am ashamed frown daunting his features. “If I can’t do something so simple- if I let something like this happen-” Her light cupping became a tightening grasp.

“You didn’t let that happen,” She furrowed her brows, “if anything you helped me, and you keep helping me. You have no reason to feel guilty.”

A slight curl of his lip etched on his face. “Nami, you’re too kind. I don’t deserve that. I haven’t apologized enough— no I don’t think any apology will ever be enough. For what you went through…” He trailed off, with a tone of distance.

“No! What would you apologize for? Huh? You did nothing wrong. No, you did the best you could and more.” 

“Except I didn’t, it wasn’t enough.” He began a non-stop series of shaking his head. “Nami-san, I’m sorry.” 

“You’re always risking your life to protect me, and I appreciate it, but Sanji,” She shook his shoulers. “I worry about you too.” 

Nani wanted Sanji’s expressive eyes to peer her way, just once. Yet he didn’t let up. “I’m so sorry.” 

Great, it wasn’t getting through to him. He was getting lost in the depths of the overflowing waves of remorse. It was clinging on him harder than she could. But she couldn’t let it win. 

“I don’t want to hear that.” Perhaps a little skin-to-skin wouldn’t hurt. Her fingetips gravitated towards his bare neck. 

Like a moth to a flame, Sanji’s glistening eyes were back on hers once more. All she saw was desperation, a sad and pained desperation. Though they kept flitting back and forth between Nami and wooden floorboards. His silence was strange, and she sort of wished that it’d belonged only to his smoke breaks and not to her in this situation. 

“If there’s anything you want, you can always tell me. It’s not enough, but— 

God, she couldn’t stand hearing him say this, he was practically dragging himself on through the graveyard she fears so much. And for what? It was driving her insane. 

This silence.

This awful silence, and the somber pleading. 

Now she knew what depraved thoughts ran through Sanji’s mind. A piece of how he felt. 

Nami had been relieved while being in a pensive state. She was closer to him somehow. Seeing through to his heart never seemed to touch her, but this. This was different. 

“I want you to forgive yourself.” She tried her best to smile through the thick air weighing down on her. “I don’t want you to live in the past, I want you to look at me, and not with that sad look, like you’ve wronged me.” 

A placidness crawled up to stretch his lips towards his cheeks. “Nami-san, you’re too kind.” He said, a sweet yet sorrowful glow ovetook his tender gaze. 

It was the fondest look he’d even casted, and goodness did her heart throb in surprise.

Nami had a problem. 

It seemed that whenever she got even a glimpse of a fellow blonde cook, her heart skipped a beat faster. It was worse when said male actually saw her as well, she didn’t want to mention when they grazed skin because the heat that overtook her was maddening. 

Nami could literally feel her cheeks burning red. It was incredibly infuriating when your body didn't cooperate. 

Now Sanji passing her a cup of tea had her arms tingling from the light touch, an everyday compliment had her grinning involuntarily. Sometimes just seeing him at all had these strange feeling flourishing within. 

It was funny in an ironic way, the same person who was trying to rid herself of one problem had been the start of this new one. 

Nevertheless it wasn't his fault, it was like she'd said before, all he really ever wanted to do was help. And help he did, with all of his being he wished her well. 

Perhaps in hindsight she should've taken the in fact that she'd been experiencing strange emotions, and trying to change them by the same thing that triggered them might not completely work in favor.

Now the horrifying cold that trickled down her spine had become the warmest blossoming in her heart. 

The bizarrest part was that it wasn't this way with anyone else when it had to do with touch. Anyone else tapping on her only slightly startled her, whilst Sanji's finger brush's held so much more than that, all without fear of any kind. 

As being the only person actually aware of her problem, he was heedful of her acknowledging his presence. It was another thing she was grateful for, albeit it's side effects. 

Nami was used to the absurd luck the crew had but today may be one of the best worst of those times. 

"Nami! Watch out!" Usopp's warning shout met her ears abruptly. 

Lamentably, Nami hadn't been given a clue as to what angle the attack would come from, so she swerved away from where she last heard the yelp. 

An unexpected action from another person had her against the wall quicker than she could take her next breath. Her eyes were screwed shut at the impact of both her body being shoved and the Sunny being shot at. 

"Nami, are you alright?" Oh, so the shadow looming over her figure was-

She pryed her eyelids open carefully only to be greeted by the intense gaze of Sanji's. Nami was hyperaware of everything. 

Their close proximity, the familliar cigarette smell, how his secure grip was on her shoulders and they were breathing the same air, and how his eyes once again held so many emotions, but Nami wanted nothing more than to sit down and sort out every single one. She wanted to know. She wanted to understand. 

She needed to. Why was her face flushed? Why did her heart want to jump out of her ribcage? It was drowning out all the noise 

"-mi! Nami?! Nami!" The ship's shallow swaying along with Sanji's fretful tone of voice. 

Pulling herself out of her muddled thoughts she tried to focus. The crew needed her, this needed her quick thinking and navigating skills.

"I'm alright, that just-- that caught me off guard." 

He nodded, and appearing to have forgotten his positioning, he quickly removed his hands off of her. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking, I-" 

"Thanks, Sanji-kun." She cut him off. It served as a good reminder of how things really stood. She knew he tended to overthink. 

At this moment though, there was no time to lose. 

Plunking down onto her bed, Nami sighed. Her exhausting thoughts roamed her mind. Never quite letting her rest. It never let up. Mercilessly feeding her visuals of any moments she had with Sanji. 

This was ridiculous, she was starting to sound like Sanji's sappy poems. 

Thinking of the way he always smelled of cigarettes and herbs, and the differences between the way his voice sounded depending on who he spoke to. His elegantly pressed suits, how ruffled his golden blonde hair became when he fought, how slender and smooth his hands were and how passionate he really was. 

She couldn't comprehend why he'd been taking up all this space in her brain. 

Groaning out loud, she tossed herself onto her bed. 

"Is there something wrong?" Another voice pitched in, the slight amusement in it not hidden whatsoever. 

Typical Robin. 

Sitting back up, Nami revolved the other side to see Robin's usually tame grin. "Not anything you'd know about." 

Chuckling dryly, Robin stuck her bookmark into the pages of her book. "Try me, I might know more than you think." 

Humming to herself, Nami opened her mouth only to close it momentarily. 

It was so much easier to think about rather than talk abou--

She couldn't tell anyone about this! What was she about to say anyways? It didn't matter, she needed to sort this all out, despite how disorganized her brain was at the time. 

Honestly, she shouldn't be surprised that Robin had a hint of what she was thinking let alone feeling yet she was still astounded. 

Taking what she could from that, she had an inkling as to what she could start with. "

Have you ever?-” No that wasn’t it. “If someone does you a favor do you-” That might have been worse, it was a huge giveaway. 

“Does it have to do with this?” Robin’s deep voice suddenly sounded closer than it was before. 

Nami saw her hand hovering above her shoulder through her peripheral vision. “How did you?-” She stopped herself to let out a dry laugh. “Was it that obvious?” She shrugged high up, waiting for the the internal flinch to come after the pat.

One. Two. Three.

Still nothing.

Shifting on the mattress, Nami stared at Robin’s clutch placement. She really did touch her. 

But there was nothing. 

No fear, no shock, no cold flashbacks. Thinking about it now brought back the disgust of the roaming hands, but it didn’t come to mind as fast as usually did. 

A bloom of pure celabratory elation filled her heart. 

Grabbing Robin’s hand Nami cheered. “Robin—Robin! I’m better! I’m getting better!” Her lips grew into an uncontrollable smile. 

Robin’s expression became that of a relieved happiness. 

Nami was suddenly a full glass ready to spill over. A delicate happiness that mixed into an emotional mess. 

She wanted to cry, laugh, scream. Out of frustration, relief excitement, she didn’t know, all of them. 

Nami gasped and spoke her thoughts aloud. “It’s because of Sanji. He helps me so much.” Her eyes were watering at the realization. 

He’d done so much for her, and still he never thought of it that way. 

But now she was doing better. She wasn’t paranoid, she wasn’t overwhelmed by the idea of secret ogling and being groped. 

Why couldn’t he notice that? 

“You should thank him, he’s not always as a aware as he seems.” 

It really was like she could read her mind. 

"Can you give me your hands?" A confident grin on her face, Nami stuck her own out. "There's some news I need you to know."

"I'm better now. I found out recently actually. The first time it was with Robin and I thought it was a coincidence but then it happened again with Chopper."  She watched his awed expression. "All of this it made me realize that you do all these things for me without question, and I never give it a second thought. But this time it means so much to me."

Nami didn't know if he wanted to speak but she almost couldn't stop herself. "I don't know if it sounds dumb but, it feels like a lot. Thats why I wont let you beat yourself up. Because I know you'd never hesitate to help me when I'm in a bind." Her grip tightened. She needed him to hear her. "Actually, now that I'm feeling so much better I can tell you that I don't need your help anymore."  

“Oh.” The bittersweet edge to his voice was rarely noticeable and his smile carried a complimentary politeness to it. "Nami-san, that's incredible." 

"I know you were against it at first, and maybe coming around doesn't mean you really wanted to do that. And I'm sorry. Because I don't want to push anything on you any longer. But still," Her voice wavered. 

Still she didn't want to be without it, without him. She wanted normal since the beginning, but maybe there would always be a new normal she had to adjust to. 

"I want it." 

"What?" Barely a whisper, Sanji's eyes radiated their confusion. 

Her heart raced and she found that this might have been harder to say than the first time she had asked. "I don't need it anymore but, I... I still want-- you to be okay with-- to," Her face was burning so hot she wondered if she resembled a cherry. "touch me I mean, as in skin to skin. Nevermind you get it." 

And if he didn't maybe she'd hit him. 

How did he manage to flirt with the people he interested in? Flirting had always been easy for the both of them, but the mere difference was the fact that Nami had no interest in the people she was flirting with. 

Maybe his feelings were too light to care? That'd be... why was she telling him this again? 

Nami refused to meet his gaze, but that didn't matter because Sanji swooped down in the next instant.

He was kneeling? And now crying out, "Please tell me this isn't a dream! Pinch me, flick me, anything!" 

Although his scenes were outrageous, she now found them a small bit endearing, though she could never tell him such a thing. They were another thing she'd grown accustomed to, and felt odd without. 

Sanji always found a way to comfort her when she was hurt, unknowingly too. It was a power really. 

"You're serious? Of course you're serious, you'd never. But," 

Here it was. He wasn't ever actually interested in her that way, she assumed he'd understood the underlying meaning, how could he? When he'd drool over every girl in the vicinity. 

Nami never intended to develop these foolish feelings but nothing was in her control these days. 

Sending a tight-lipped smile, she responded. "I just wanted to tell you how I feel that's all. Please don't feel forced to do anything." 

With a single second Sanji was back on his feet, and Nami's fingertips that were itching to grab his were now engulfed by the warmth of palms. 

"Nami-san, when I first saw you I knew I'd never want to be away from you. I mean that." His dark eye's were certain. "I swear everyday I fall more in love with you." 

"Sanji-kun." She hadn't any words for his, and her heart thudding wasn't helping. 

"May I?" His thin digits swirled in a circular motion. 

A promising smile graced her lips when she nodded.

Sanji's fingertips gently caressing her forearm before rising up to her rosy cheeks. Every tender rub of his thumbs inviting a hard throb from her heart and weakening in her legs. 

Nami was careful not to let out a content sigh, why couldn't he just do it. 

Bringing her own hands up she slotted them into the back of his head and into his silky blonde strands. Her digits eerily close to his ears she whispered, "Just kiss me." 

She didn't care that they were out in the open of the ship where anyone can see, she didn’t care about these uncontrollable feelings, she didn't care that a few months ago she'd never even dream of this. 

"If that's what you want, love." He tucked a ginger hair carefully and traced her jaw.

When Sanji slowly leaned down, his gleaming eyes, attentive, he captured her lips in a kiss. 

Even though Nami knew it was coming, she didn't sense the warning. 

But nothing could have prepared her for the burst of emotions a single touch of the lips could do. Like tiny sparklers going off in every part of her body, and her eyelids being shut only made it become more dreamlike. 

For a moment they weren't moving, but when Sanji shifted, she swore she'd fall over. She was enveloped by his entirety, his scent, his soft skin, nimble thumbs and his smooth lips. 

That hollow misty cold was so much warmer now, at times hotter than it should be. 

But knowing Sanji she'd have to get used to it. Not that she minded it.