Chapter Text
From Chapter 3 of “If These Legs Could Walk”
And even as Yoongi brushed a stray strand of hair aside from Jimin’s brow, all Jimin could think was how much it was going to hurt tonight. How much worse it would be when the next guy kissed him because now he knew how it felt when it was real.
The warmth in his chest turned to a tightening flame and Jimin could feel tears forming. He’d always hated how easily he cried. He gripped at Yoongi’s clothes, hand tightening to fists and pushed away.
Their kiss ended with a confused look from Yoongi, which morphed into full-blown panic when he saw the tears. “Jimin,” he called, jolting to remove himself from on top of the boy. “Oh my god, are you okay? Did I hurt you? Are you…?”
Jimin sat up, scooting to the edge of his bed. Frantically wiping at his eyes, he tried to calm the fire raging in his chest.
“Jimin,” Yoongi reached, hand resting on Jimin’s arm.
Jimin jerked from the grip. “You should go,” Jimin sniffled.
“Jimin,” Yoongi said again, but now there was panic. “Jimin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have and I —.”
“You don’t get it,” Jimin shook his head. “You’ll never get it. I shouldn’t have— I shouldn’t have let you in.”
Yoongi pushed himself off the bed, moving to face the younger boy. “Jimin, please.”
“I’m sorry,” Jimin looked up to try and blink back tears.
“Don’t be sorry, Jimin. Just tell me what’s —.”
“I can’t,” Jimin said, dropping his gaze to the ground. “And you need to go.”
“We can…” Yoongi was grasping at straws at this point. “… pretend it didn’t happen.”
Jimin fixed him with a hard glare, one that lost all effect beyond the tears. “Well, I can’t.” He swallowed. “Just go, Hyung.”
Yoongi stepped back, confused and hurt and it was all Jimin’s fault. He gathered his computer, watching Jimin as if waiting for the younger to change his mind.
“And,” Jimin said.
Yoongi stopped, turning back to the boy.
“You probably shouldn’t come back.”
Hurt flashed over the older’s features. “Jimin.”
Jimin screwed his eyes closed. “Thank you for everything, Hyung.” He looked up then. “Please go away.”
===============================================
Jin just wanted to relax after a long day of work. He hadn’t slept well, given the antics he’d had to deal with last night. On top of that, work had been hectic. He had been at the psych clinic for the whole day, shadowing doctors. It had been so busy that he hadn’t even had time for lunch. By the time he got home, he was so hungry that he walked right up to Namjoon and bit him on the shoulder, prompting his boyfriend to immediately reheat a plate of leftovers.
Despite the exhaustion, working at the clinic was the part of his graduate work that he loved the best, spending time with patients and talking about their cases with his mentors. On days like this, it felt like he was getting closer to finishing his training so that he could help people. Other days, where he spent most of his time in front of a computer or a stack of papers, were physically less demanding but also less rewarding.
So overall, it was a good day.
And, to help him unwind, Jin decided to spend some time playing video games. Very few people besides Yoongi and Namjoon knew that Jin had been a semi-professional streamer at one point. He was pretty good at playing games, but he mainly drew an audience because he was entertaining to watch. He played a wide variety of games, which attracted a wider audience that might not otherwise watch streamers. He told bad jokes, got frustrated and lost often. His good looks helped too. He sometimes joined gaming groups, and had become somewhat of a celebrity for his outgoing yet kind personality.
Jin had stopped streaming after he’d been attacked. He just didn’t like the exposure. He wondered if his rapist had watched his stream at some point, and the thought gave him chills. He knew that his fans missed him, and he occasionally saw his old streamer handle STOBIT0613 show up in gaming forums. There was a small cult of followers who thought he might come back someday, and jokingly treated it like the second coming. He followed some of them, and sometimes played games with them, but always anonymously. He preferred to just play nowadays.
Jin chose a game, a simple treasure hunt sort of gameplay that he had never played before. Just as he settled in to explore the world, he saw a name pop up on the screen, indicating that a friend had arrived and wanted to join. Jin paused his game to look at who it was, and saw LILME0WM3OW had joined. Jin grinned and acceted an invitation to chat.
Jin heard a voice drawl lazily through his headset. “Hyung…”
“Yoongi! So nice of you to join!”
“Eh…”
“Did you just wake up?” Jin asked. “Or did you try to kill Jiminie again?”
“For the record, he tried to kill me first.”
“The first recorded death attributed to lace panties. I should write up a case study for a psych journal about that. It could be part of my thesis.”
“Please do, hyung. I would love to see your name cited into eternity for a paper titled ‘Risks and Treatment for Lace Panty Syndrome’”
Jin laughed, his signature high-pitched squeak that would eventually make everyone else in earshot start laughting. He heard Yoongi chuckle through the headset and relaxed a bit. It was good to hear Yoongi laughing and joking. Last night, he looked like he’d been hit by a truck.
“Want to play a game? I just found this nice scav-”
“Oh, Jungkook is here.”
“Who is Jungkook?”
“He’s my personal trainer. And he happens to be Taehyung’s boyfriend.”
“Ah, the infamous Taehyung. The originator of the lace panties.”
“Yeah, you’ll have to meet him. He’s a character, for sure. I actually think you’d like both of them.” Yoongi intoned. “Would you mind if Jungkook joined us? He’s cool.”
“Yeah, sure.”
A new player named BANANAM1LK4U entered the chat. “Hey, Yoongi-hyung! Happy to see you here!”
“Hey Gguk. I’d like you to meet Seokjin. He’s my guardian angel.”
Jin squeaked, sounding like a windshield wiper as he laughed. “Hello Jungkook! Nice to meet you.”
“Wait! You sound so much like the streamer STOBIT0613. And you look kinda like him too. Are you…?” Jungkook started to ask.
“Eh, maybe in another life I was.” Jin said with a groan. “Now I’m just another random gamer.”
“Wow, well, its nice to meet you. I really loved watching your streams back then.” Jungkook’s voice was filled with awe.”
Yoongi interrupted before Jungkook could start asking awkward questions. “Do y’all want to play a game or what?”
“I was just about to suggest one.” Jin said. He showed his game to the others, and they agreed. Jin and Jungkook immediately got along, either working together to break puzzles or teasing each other and stealing the other’s loot. Yoongi just tagged along. He wasn’t really into games, but he needed a distraction. The others included him in the teasing, and he did his best to sabotage them in return. By the end of the game, they were all laughing and in good spirits.
They heard a voice in the background of Jungkook’s headset. “Kookie, is your game over? I’m horny and I’m tired of waiting. Come to bed now!”
“That must be the infamous Taehyung.” Jin muttered.
Jungkook groaned. “Ah, duty calls, my friends. I have to go. Bye Yoongi! Bye Jin! Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too, Gguk!” Jin answered. “Let’s play again sometime. If you ever see I’m logged in, just say hello.”
“Okay!” Just when Jin thought he would log off, Jungkook spoke again. “Hey! Me and my boyfriend and some other friends are hosting a dance showcase next weekend. Jimin and Yoongi are coming already. I’d like to invite you to come too!”
“Hmm, sure, I’ll try to make it.” Jin responded. “I don’t think I have anything going on that weekend.”
They heard a whine in the background from the notorious Taehyung, “Kookie!!!”
“Okay, I’ll send details. Gotta go!” Jungkook said hurriedly.
“Good luck.” Yoongi said flatly as Jungkook logged off.
“He seems nice.” Jin said when Jungkook’s name disappeared from the chat.
“Yeah, they’re both good people.”
“Want to play another game?”
“Sure.”
Jin started another game, the same treasure hunt one as before. It was lowkey enough to be calming, and the world it created was pretty and immersive. Yoongi didn’t try to collect points, he just followed Jin around, which was fine. It seemed like something was on his mind.
“How are you doing Yoongi?” Jin asked after a long silence. His character in the game was busy breaking up rocks to look for treasure, and it felt like a good metaphor for getting Yoongi to share his emotions.
Yoongi sighed. “Hanging in there I guess.”
“What happened?” When Yoongi made a dismissive grunt, Jin raised his voice. “I know something happened, you emotionally constipated chicken nugget! Stop trying my patience and just tell me!”
Yoongi sighed again. “Jimin is learning to masturbate now.”
Jin clamped lips as he tried not to laugh. “And?”
“He asked me to help him. So I did. It went a lot better than yesterday. He said it felt good, but he was still sobbing at the end of it. I didn’t know what to do. I could only hold him while he processed his emotions, and now I just feel drained and confused.”
Jin shrieked as an enemy NPC tried to attack and steal his treasure. Yoongi intervened and allowed the NPC to attack him instead, a move that would have lost him his treasure if he’d had any. Jin zapped the NPC and it disappeared. “Yeah, I imagine he’s going to have some big emotions. He did have a somewhat major medical and personal breakthrough with his disability.”
“I know. It’s just...I hate to see Min cry. Even if he’s crying because he’s happy. It makes me anxious.” Yoongi huffed.
“It’s a lot to deal with, Yoon. You’re doing a good job.” Jin tried to soothe Yoongi. He was able to navigate the game with minimal effort, trying to focus on Yoongi as much as he could.
“Eh.” Yoongi said dismissively. “It feels like I’m not.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re an author. Find the words.” Jin pushed.
Yoongi paused. “I want so much from him. I know he needs support, and he needs time and space to learn and grow and figure things out. And I know I need to be happy for him. He asked me to be happy for him. But, I want so much. It’s so hard holding back.”
“What would you do if you didn’t hold back?”
“I...I would tell him I loved him. And I need him.”
Jin heard Yoongi’s voice break, and Jin let the controller sit on his lap. He watched as an NPC attacked him but he made no move to stop it. Eventually the game ended but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt completely helpless as he listened to Yoongi cry through the headset.
He hated hearing Yoongi cry. It seemed like the most unfair thing in the world. Yoongi hadn’t done anything to anyone. Why did the universe insist on hurting him?
Yoongi started to ramble, his words broken by choked sobs. “I love him hyung. I just...I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to hurt me. I’m so afraid. I love him!”
“Ah, Yoongi…” For all of his training as a psychologist, Jin didn’t know what to say. All he could do was encourage his friend to express his emotions. “Let it out. It’s okay to cry.”
Jin listened to Yoongi cry, tears forming in his own eyes.
“I l-love him, hyung! I love him and I-I don’t know what to do.” Yoongi repeated miserably, his voice wobbling as he cried.
Jin debated internally about whether to run to Yoongi’s apartment, and was just about to stand up when he heard Jimin’s voice in the background.
“Hyung? Hey, Yoongi honey, it’s okay.” Jimin’s voice got louder, and Jin assumed that he must be very close to Yoongi now. Jin felt a rush of relief that Yoongi was no longer alone.
“Jimin!” Yoongi sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay hyung.” Jin could tell that Jimin’s voice was also heavy with emotion. “I love you too, Yoongi. I love you. It’s okay.”
And now both of them were crying over the headset, and Jin was crying too. Jin lowered his head in his hands as he cried, and he startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Namjoon kneeling in front of him, staring at him with a worried look.
“What’s happening, babe?” Namjoon asked, his voice low and calming.
Jin pointed to his headset and whispered, “Yoongi and Jimin…”
Namjoon brought an ear next to Jin’s head near the headset, listened for a moment then leaned back nodding. He reached for the headset with raised eyebrows, silently asking for permission to take it off of Jin’s head. When Jin nodded, Namjoon took the headset and spoke into it. “Hey. Jiminie. Yoongi. This is Joon. Are you two okay?”
Jin heard Jimin answer first, his voice pitched high as he struggled with his tears. “Yeah, we’re okay, hyung. Just… we just need some time.”
“Okay, Jiminie.” Namjoon said softly. “I’m going to take Jin to bed. Call me if you need anything, anything at all, and we’ll come right over, okay?”
“Okay, hyung.” Jimin answered.
Namjoon turned off the headset and placed it on Jin’s desk before turning to him, his jaw muscles tight. He ran his thumb over Jin’s wet cheeks and cooed. “Honey…”
“Those two are going to be the death of me!” Jin spat out. “I hate hearing them cry. Either one of them. I hate it, Joon!”
“I know, Jinnie.” Namjoon swept him up into his arms and started walking towards the bedroom. “I’m going to insist that you take care of yourself now. You’re going through a lot too, and you need some rest.”
Jin opened his mouth to argue, but decided not to when he saw the resolve in Namjoon’s face. And he did feel tired. Namjoon carried him to bed, and climbed in next to him, pulling Jin close to his body as his tears started to subside.
Jin laid in Namjoon’s tight embrace as the minutes ticked by. He felt the muscles in Namjoon’s arms relax as he fell asleep, but Jin’s mind was still racing. He turned to face away from Namjoon, and the younger man pulled Jin back close to him in his sleep, spooning him tightly.
Jin huffed, looking at the clock. Sleep wasn’t coming to him. He considered his options. He could slip out of Namjoon’s arms, and maybe watch a show or play more games. None of those choices really appealed to him though. He wanted to stay in the safety of Namjoon’s embrace, but needed some way to push himself to sleep.
An idea came to him, and he tested it out by wiggling his ass against Namjoon’s crotch. He immediately heard Namjoon breathe in sharply and pull him in closer. He did it again, and Namjoon emitted a hopeful grunt. Jin turned to face his partner, whose eyes were still closed.
“Would you wake up for a quickie?” Jin whispered urgently.
“Always.” Namjoon answered, his voice clear even though he still hadn’t opened his eyes. But the larger man placed his beefy hands on Jin’s hips and pulled him in harshly until their bodies were pressed firmly against each other. Jin could feel Namjoon hardening.
“Take off your pants.” Seokjin complied, flushing at Namjoon’s commanding tone. He loved so many things about Namjoon: His easy, dimpled smile. His strong yet calm demeanor. His deep voice. His confidence.
Jin loved the fact that Namjoon knew he was good in bed, and acted like it.
As Seokjin took off his pants, Namjoon rolled the other way to fish the lube out of the nightstand drawer. Namjoon usually slept shirtless, and his naturally muscular upper body flexed beautifully as he twisted back to face Jin.
“Open your legs.”
Once again, Jin complied immediately. He knew Namjoon would never hurt him, although he could. He was intimidating, just by his size. He was just naturally thick. And there was an edge to husky his voice that made Jin want to obey.
Namjoon positioned himself between Jin’s legs. He stopped for a moment to look down at Jin, lying naked and splayed open, exposed to him. They’d had sex hundreds of times by now, but Jin still squirmed under Namjoon’s stare. The bigger man seemed like he was considering Jin’s body, appraising it, figuring it out. Jin could see Namjoon’s pajama pants were tented as his thick cock lifted the fabric. He wanted to reach out and touch it, but Jin felt like he was pinned under Namjoon’s gaze and wasn’t allowed to move.
“Ah...Jin…” Namjoon growled, clearly appreciating the view. Namjoon’s dragon eyes swept up and down Jin’s body, settling finally on his partially erect penis. Namjoon’s jaw muscles twitched as he opened the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers, with all the clinical efficiency of someone loading a gun. He then lowered himself so that his mouth floated just above Jin’s cock. Sliding one arm under Jin’s hips, Namjoon gently licked a stripe up the underside of Jin’s cock, which caused it to twitch and harden more.
“Ah!” Jin arched his back, responding to the sensation. He was surprisingly sensitive tonight, perhaps a side effect of high stress.
Namjoon man-handled Jin’s body, holding him tight as he brought his lubed fingers to Jin’s asshole. He gently caressed it with a slicked-up finger, pressing against it and circling the rim as he licked and sucked at Jin’s penis. Before Jin even realized it, Namjoon had a finger up his ass, crooking it to massage at his prostate. This was the first part of Namjoon’s quickie routine. Although Namjoon had done this to him many, many times before, Jin didn’t think he could ever tire of it. This was the part of the quickie where Namjoon loosened Jin, scissoring his fingers to stretch him out and stimulate his prostate. Namjoon worked at Jin’s dick with his mouth, and Jin hardened until he could finally fuck up into Namjoon’s mouth.
At this point in the routine, Jin could choose to either cum in Namjoon’s mouth or request the second part when he was ready. Namjoon would wait until one or the other happened. He appreciated that it gave him an element of control.
“Inside,” Jin whispered. “I want you inside me.”
Namjoon pulled his mouth away from Jin’s dick with a pop, and pulled his fingers out. He rose until he was kneeling between Jin’s legs, towering over him, his beautiful body on full display. He got more lube, then pumped himself and Jin a few more times. He wiped his hands off on something, probably his pants, and leaned over Jin. Namjoon wedged an arm underneath Jin, then swiftly flipped them both over so that Namjoon was leaning back against the headboard with Jin straddling him.
Namjoon reached between Jin’s legs to lift his own penis, and he lifted Jin with his other arm then lowered him onto it. Namjoon’s thick cock slid slowly into Jin as Namjoon lowered him. This was the second part of Namjoon’s standard quickie routine. Jin gasped as he took in more of Namjoon’s cock, his body stretching around the man’s thick shaft. Namjoon stilled, allowing Jin to acclimate, drinking in Jin’s expression as he did. Then, Namjoon slowly started to lift Jin’s body then seated him again on his cock. He repeated the motion, slowly at first, then increasing in speed and resolve. This was the part of the quickie where Namjoon fucked into Jin until he became rock solid. Jin let Namjoon move him, his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders and gasping into his ear. Namjoon was in his element now, pistoning into Jin’s body with the stolid dedication of a man who had been waiting for this and was now finally getting what he wanted. His rhythm was steady, and every stroke felt powerful. Namjoon was chasing his own pleasure, maneuvering Jin’s body to chase his desire.
Jin loved this part. He whined into Namjoon’s ear, and Namjoon grunted and growled in his. Jin liked being a dick mitten, a hole for Namjoon’s pleasure, at least for a little while. The way that Namjoon did it made him feel wanted, desired, cherished, like his body was the most valuable thing in the world.
Namjoon had never said no to sex when Jin suggested it. Never. Not once. When Jin had asked him if he ever wanted to just say no, he immediately answered, “No.”
Jin expressed disbelief at this, thinking that surely there might have been a time when Namjoon was too tired, or sick, or stressed, or just not in the mood. In response, Namjoon simply asked, “Have you seen yourself?”
The way that Namjoon was fucking into him now made Jin believe that maybe Namjoon really did always want him, maybe didn’t feel like he had a choice. Maybe Namjoon needed this just as much (if not more) than Jin did.
“Jin…” Namjoon called his name, looking for Jin to ground him.
“Namjoon...ah!”
Jin felt Namjoon harden. There was a certain point where Namjoon’s cock was so hard that Jin could feel his insides move around it. It was so stiff that it no longer bent or squished to adapt to him, and Jin could feel the pressure of Namjoon’s cockhead rubbing against his prostate. His mouth fell open as he released a guttural moan.
Namjoon leaned back into the pillows, his face dark and eyes lidded, but didn’t let up his rhythm. He moved back just enough to make room between them, and he wrapped his beefy hand around Jin, stroking him in time with his own thrusts.
Now they were in phase 3 of Namjoon’s quickie routine. Namjoon was so hard that he didn’t really have to move at all to send lightning bolts of pleasure up Jin’s spine. They were both rushing towards the edge, falling apart in each other’s arms. Jin rocked his hips, thrusting himself into Namjoon’s hand, and the movement also jostled the cock inside of him, grinding Namjoon’s cock into his sweet spot.
Jin knew that Namjoon could come at any moment, his muscles taut and ready. Jin called out to him as he felt himself tumble into his orgasm. White ropes of cum spurted from his penis, wrapped in Namjoon’s lube-slicked hand, and the arm around his waist immediately pushed Jin down onto the thick cock inside him. As soon as Namjoon locked in, his body jerked and shuddered involuntarily with small but forceful movements, and Jin could feel the small twitches of the buried cock and the warmth that was spreading from it as Namjoon came.
They both cried out, bodies convulsing as they carried out their most primitive autonomous functions. After a few moments of eye-rolling bliss, Jin finally came down from the high and collapsed forward onto Namjoon’s heaving chest. The laid together, gathering their breaths, until Namjoon finally moved to grab some tissues to clean off his hand.
Jin basked in the afterglow, letting his body melt. He could feel Namjoon soften, but he didn’t want him to pull out yet. He knew Namjoon would let him hold his cock inside for as long as he wanted, and tonight Jin felt like he needed that connection for a bit longer. Namjoon pulled the sheets over them to avoid the chill, and kissed Jin gently on the forehead.
Namjoon reached for his phone. He tapped on it, and it pinged when he sent a message. He set it down then wrapped his arms around Jin again. “Jimin says they’re doing okay. Asked how you were.”
Jin sighed. His heart warmed at the idea that his friends were asking about him.
“They’ll be fine Jinnie honey.” Namjoon’s deep voice was soothing as it rumbled through his chest. “Get some sleep, love.”
Jin huffed. He was so close to being able to sleep. “Joonie, tell me about your day. What did you do at the bank today?”
“Oh, it was very exciting.” Namjoon rubbed Jin’s back as he spoke, tracing the curves of his spine. “I researched a new index fund that is composed of large- and mid-cap stocks of companies that are screened for certain ESG criteria. ESG stands for Environmental, social and corporate governance, and its a catch-all term to describe issues related to, you know, environment and social justice issues, things that a company might not normally pay attention to except for public pressure but are super important. Like, labor rights or conflict minerals or carbon emissions. This index fund has a higher than normal expense ratio, but that makes sense given how much effort is put into researching the companies. But, even so, it performs very well, with almost a 30% return over the past year, which is pretty good!”
He paused to look down at Jin, whose face was serene as he slept. Namjoon smiled and kissed his forehead before drifting off to sleep himself.