Chapter Text
EB: HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS LOUD OH MY GOD!!!
Don't laugh, don't laugh.
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent file ijusthadsex.mp3 at 04:10am --
TG: *wink wonk* :3
Oh holy shit. He was glad he'd once more absconded to the roof because he was laughing so hard he was practically crying, in loud baritone peals rarely heard even by himself. Having had the pleasure of sharing a flat with Roxy briefly when she was on the dating scene, he was well aware of John's pain. He wanted to pity the kid, he really did. But oh God. He was just in the sort of mood this was the funniest shit in the world.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 09:14am --
TT: Roxy, I hope you remembered there is a fragile young boy in the house.
TG: um
TG: ooooo
TG: O SHIT
TG: no wunder he wont luk at me w/out goin all red an stamemery lol
TG: poor jon
TG: i think i borke him distri
TG: i think i borke him
TG: shit *broke
TT: Try to avoid giving him a total mental breakdown?
TG: nxt time ill use my inside vcocie k
TG: speakin of jonny
TG: u sed u wud tell me y hugs
TG: im waitin ovr here w/ my best lisenin ears on
TG: go on mr striedr
TG: my pen is poyised
TT: Not much to it, really. A few days back Dave left when they were meant to watch a film online so I filled in and he's a good kid. We kept talking. Know he's lonely and I mean I'm in Houston so like hell am I going to actually see him any time soon, you simply provided an opportunity for contact in a roundabout way that I couldn't miss.
TG: o rly
TG: a good kid hm
TT: He's more interesting than the people I actually have around me, and you are well aware how hard I find it to make friends. He knows I'm a dick but he's still content to put up with me. I wasn't letting someone like that just go.
TG: so in a few days ur happy to cal him ur bff
TT: My friend? Certainly. I've been enjoying our conversations.
TG: wat does he luk like?
TT: Well I would assume you've seen him? But I suppose he looks like a cute sort of half-human-half-puppy. His eyes are stupidly emotive.
TG: an does he make u laff
TT: Yes? He has on occasion.
TG: an deos he get u smilin?
TG: NOT ur werid lil smirkyr thnigs
TT: Maybe.
TG: o dear distri
TG: u hav it
TG: BAD
TT: You've lost me.
TG: nvm
TG: jus the drunk talkin
TG: *drink
TG: no wate the firs one is godood too
TT: ...Alright.
TT: I assume your date went well.
TT: As did your 'coffee'.
TG: dad cuked me lyk a propre family diner it was amazin
TG: and he is a gentlemen both in and out of th bdrooms
TT: "Dad."
TT: What.
TG: o his name is sum asian thing i cant say proprerlly w/ a slur so he said call him dad evryon else does
TG: or just mr egbert but that sounded to formal
TG: hes cute lyk taht
TT: I cannot even begin to explain how wrong that whole situation is, and you wouldn't listen, so I won't try.
TG: hes half coreen half merican so hes like a werd mix of both
TG: its so cool
TT: "Coreen"?
TG: Cory ann
TT: Holy shit, are you trying to say Korean? How can you not spell that? How can you not even phonetically say that?
TT: I bet you've even been calling it "Coreen" out loud.
TG: bby shut up mamma is drinkin
TG: got to go i think dad wants to go out agen :3
TT: Wait.
TT: I need another favour.
TG: le sihghs
TT: Take John.
TT: Please?
TG: that boi will b the deth of u dirk
TG: but w/ever
TG: i owe u way to much to say no
TT: You're a saint, Rox.
TG: i no
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 09:52am --
.:.
Just after lunch he decided to actually head downstairs. Dave was home because the school was shut for some teacher-parent conference thing he had probably been invited to but couldn't care less about, and sure enough the moment he was down in the crawlspace (because like hell was he actually going to walk down like a normal person) he could hear the tenor ramble from the kid's bedroom.
For once, curiosity got the better of him, so he ducked under the vent and carefully eased his way across to above Dave's desk. He'd marked important locations like that with chalk on the floor in the hopes someday he could dramatically burst from the ceiling to begin some epic final strife between them. Someday, that dream would come true. Cautiously, he slid down to almost lying flat, ear pressed to the floor and body tense and still.
"...nah I mean, I can come later, I guess? Bro still hasn't shown his face and I should probably ask him...What? No, I'll come whatever, but he'd expect me to show effort, probably make me strife to go out if he says no."
A soft noise filled the gaps, a voice through earphones, and Bro set his jaw. Oh good, Dave was going out again. Peace and quiet and spending the whole evening worrying about him in a totally non-parental way. God, Dave going out while he waited up made him feel old.
He was just about to go grab something to eat, losing all interest in Dave and his friends, when his brother spoke again.
"Yeah, I'll wait for you, don't worry, go do whatever. You too, Rez."
Oh, it was his girlfriend. Well that changed everything.
He carefully moved forward to the trapdoor behind Dave's chair that he had installed a while back, while Dave was off at some summer camp. With delicate, silent motions, he eased it open, the heavy hinges a slight pain but designed to ensure it shut with barely a soft puff of air when pulled down. Dave was focused on his computer, typing eagerly away into some chat window with lines of brown amongst the familiar red, and as Bro eased a little further around the hole he could see an open video chat currently showing an empty chair, and a room with...huh. Dragon plushes in nooses hung from the ceiling? Well he was so glad Dave had found a totally normal not at all creepy girl to date!
He shifted to straddle the hole, taking hold of the hatch to pull it shut behind him, ending up leaning over and staring down at Dave as his head bobbed to music loud enough Bro could hear the tinny trill escaping the earphones. He just made out the girl reappearing on screen and Dave grinning at her (fool, dropping his pokerface on the drop of a penny) before she clearly turned to fumbling with her earphones and Dave ducked to grab his apple juice. Perfect.
Bro pulled in and jumped down, trusting the music to mask his impact, then straightened smoothly as he heard the trapdoor shut softly and glanced up to feel quite smug at how hard the edges were to make out. His entrance dealt with, he leant just over Dave's shoulder as the kid straightened and jumped a mile at the reflection of his face, spilling apple juice down his shirt as he choked on the mouthful he'd been swigging.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD BRO!"
The girl bounced up instantly, a little short thing with a bob of red hair that flicked up at the edges and bright red glasses on, her mouth open in an O of surprise. Then she gave a blinding, practically fanged grin and waved emphatically.
"Rez don't encourage him!" Dave spluttered indignantly, swivelling to glare at Bro and gesturing wildly around the room. "I locked the door! I even locked the fucking windows! How? How?"
"Wouldn't you like to know." Of course Dave would, he had always wanted to pull off the same ninja shit Bro was known for. "This your girlfriend?"
"She was just going!"
"No I wasn't." Her lips mouthed in confusion on screen, hands fixing on her hips.
"She totally has important things to do."
"No, I don't."
"So no time to talk to you."
Behind him, she shook her head, then a text window appeared beside the video feed as she started to type, Bro glad Dave was too focused on glaring to actually pay attention to the reflection in his glasses.
GC: H1 M1ST3R D4V3S BRO Well except for the leet speak she seemed pretty-
GC: MY N4M3 1S T3R3Z1 NOT WH4T3V3R S4L4C1OUS TH1NGS D4V3 1NS1STS ON C4LL1NG M3
GC: 4ND NOW H3 H4S TR13D TO STOP M3 T4LK1NG TO YOU 1 C4N ONLY TH1NK TO 1NV3ST1G4T3 WHY
-insane. Pretty insane.
Dave finally thought to look around and instantly gave a little squeak and closed the window.
"Rez! Stop! Look I'll be out later, okay, I'll ring when I'm on my way!"
"The truth will be found, Strider, by any means necessary!" She declared loud enough Bro could hear it, and Dave shook his head. "I look forward to interrogating you...personally." As emphasis she wiggled her eyebrows and cackled, then abruptly leant forward and slurped her tongue up the camera before hanging up, giving Bro a delightful view of her silver stud. He let the uncomfortable silence radiating from Dave hang for a moment.
"Well she seems nice."
"Oh my God, Bro."
"You have such great taste in women."
"Bro."
"I mean, I taste of lemon. I see. So obvious in hindsight."
"Bro, no."
"And she has such a polite tone, and such a sweet farewell."
"Bro, stop." Dave's hands covered his face, but Bro could see his ears were just as red as his cheeks would be. Ah, young love. Young, easy to humiliate and torment love.
"So when are you actually bringing her back here?"
"Never, fuck, have you seen this place? You casually leave sex toys about like it ain't nothing major. She is never getting in here, nope, so don't even think about it."
"Well then when are you taking me to meet her?"
Dave made a sound a little like a kitten being stepped on. Once again, he had apparently forgotten Bro could actually leave the apartment.
"I'll tell you what, you're free to go today, but next time I'm going to just casually come along with."
"Oh my God, my friends can't meet you!"
"Pretty sure they can." He felt Dave stare at him in horror as he sauntered to the door and unlocked it, pausing before he left to add, "And I'd love to see you try and stop me, lil man."
He stopped outside the door once he'd shut it, holding his breath - then Dave gave a loud, worried squeak and Bro laughed, relaxing. Dave had started to ramble in a panic, including a more frantic outburst about oh holy fuck what if he takes Cal oh shit, but not once did he mention stopping him. Not once did he consider avoiding it. Dave had accepted Bro was going to meet these mysterious friends, and Bro hadn't even needed to push it. His work here was most certainly done.