Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I’m sorry, am I going too fast?” Tommy asked, moving away from Evan. The question had lingered on his mind for a while. After all, the two of them had been together for two months now, and they hadn’t had sex yet.

It wasn’t that Tommy didn’t get it. Evan had never dated a man before, after all, and from experience, he knew that gay sex could be…a little scary, to say the least. The mere concept of bottoming had freaked him out so bad when he’d looked things up that it had sent him directly back into the closet, after all, so faulting Evan for not being ready would not only be awful, it’d be hypocritical.

Evan hesitated, looking down at his hands as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. His brow was furrowed in thought, and Tommy could tell he was searching for the right words.

“It’s not that,” Evan eventually sighed, a slight tremor in his voice. “You’re not going too fast. I just—” He stopped, biting his lower lip as he glanced up to meet Tommy’s gaze. “There’s something I didn’t tell you. Something that might be a deal breaker.”

His heart sinking a little, Tommy took a deep breath. Deciding he couldn’t catastrophize, not right away at least, he reached out and gently grabbed Evan’s hand, stilling the nervous fidgeting.

“Hey,” he said softly, doing everything to keep his voice steady despite the nerves doing somersaults in his gut. “You can tell me anything. No judgment, I promise.”

A small, fleeting smile formed on Evan’s lips, but the worry didn’t leave his eyes. He inhaled deeply, his chest rising and falling like he was gearing up for a big call at work.

“I…I wasn’t…considered male when I was born.”

For a moment, Tommy could only blink, the words hanging between them like a thread that was about to snap any second. Out of all the things it could’ve been, this was the last thing he had expected. The possibility of it all hadn’t even remotely crossed his mind.

Evan’s wide, terrified eyes eventually snapped Tommy out of his stupor. Shaking his head a little, he squeezed Evan’s hand a little tighter. He took another small second to process and breathe, then asked, “Oh. So… you’re trans?”

With a shaky breath, Evan nodded, his lips pressing into a thin line. His shoulders were tense, his entire posture screaming that he wanted to be anywhere but here right now. “Yeah. I… I knew I wasn’t like the other girls, probably since kindergarten. And then I realized that was because I wasn’t a girl at all when I was…I don’t remember, thirteen? Yeah.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I get it if this changes things. If this is a deal breaker for you, I understand.”

Tommy sat quietly for a moment, letting the words settle in. His first instinct was to let out a relieved sigh. He had expected…he wasn’t sure what he expected. Something he actually couldn’t live with, though he didn’t know what that even would have been.

His second instinct was to notice the unadulterated fear in his boyfriend’s eyes. “Evan,” Tommy started as gently as he could manage. He squeezed Evan’s hand once more, drawing the other man’s gaze back to his. “Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

Evan’s eyes widened slightly. He clearly hadn’t expected that response. “So… you’re not—?”

Tommy shook his head. “I’m not breaking up with you if that’s what you mean. I’ve never dated a trans guy before, so yeah, I might need to do some reading, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re still kind and smart and—honestly?—a bit of a chaos gremlin. But that just makes you even better.” Evan’s cheeks flushed a bashful pink, and he tried to bite back a smile, which only made Tommy grin wider. “And you’re still adorable. I like you. A lot.” He paused, his tone softening. “If anything, I’m just sorry you had to carry that around with you for so long.”

A soft, shaky breath escaped Evan’s lips as his shoulders slumped—relief, Tommy hoped. “I was scared,” he admitted. “I’ve… I’ve come out to a lot of people over the years. And while everyone who was in any way important was fine, a lot of people didn’t…react favorably, let’s say it like that.” Evan’s face contorted slightly at that, and Tommy felt a surge of protectiveness course through his chest. There was a primal need at the back of his brain to find whoever had hurt Evan and punch them in the face give them a piece of his mind. Of course, Evan was an adult capable of defending himself and didn’t need Tommy to be his White Knight, but still. “I guess I was scared of losing you before I even got to have you.”

And that almost made Tommy let out a whine. Evan thought that he’d… Just because… He’d never. Never. Not for something like this, at least.

“Hey, look at me, baby,” he said firmly, grabbing Evan’s chin to turn his face toward himself. “You’re not losing me, okay? I’m right here. I want to be here.”

At first, Evan only looked at him with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape. Several emotions seemed to run through the blue of his irises, from apprehension to disbelief to sheer awe. Then, a small, genuine smile snuck onto his face, and he let out a weak laugh. “You’re… kind of amazing, you know that?”

Pulling him closer into a hug, Tommy grinned, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.” He pressed a kiss to Evan’s hair and buried his nose in it, the scent of his shampoo warming his chest from the inside out. “Seriously, though. We don’t have to rush anything. You’re ready when you’re ready, okay? Not just with sex, with anything.”

Evan nodded, his smile growing a little stronger as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to Tommy’s lips. “Okay. Thank you.”

The tension that had filled the room began to dissipate, a soft atmosphere of love and acceptance taking its place. As he grabbed the remote to let Evan pick a movie they could watch while they cuddled, Tommy let out a content sigh. He didn’t know what the future would bring, but he knew one thing for certain.

He wasn’t going anywhere.