Chapter Text
Evan sleepily yawns as the sunlight forces its way between the blinds. A smile widens across his face as he turns to his right and is reminded again of just how fortunate a man he is.
“Good morning sweetheart” Tommy says half-awake as he repositions his arm around the younger man.
“Good morning husband.” Evan replies with a kiss.
Oh, how he’d never get tired of that.
It’d only been thirty-six hours since they’d officially sealed the deal, and Evan still couldn’t fathom how on earth he had managed to get so lucky.
Had anyone told him two years ago that he’d not only find his soulmate in just two short months, but that it’d also be a man, he probably would’ve laughed until he could hardly breathe.
Yet, here he was January 12, 2026, now as one Evan Kinard and he couldn’t be happier.
He thinks of how close he came to losing it all just days after their initial six-month anniversary.
The agony, the persistent ache in his chest that refused to cease until he’d found his rightful place back with Tommy.
How as long as he lived, he’d do his damndest to make sure nothing would ever see them apart again.
“Something got your attention husband?” Tommy teases.
“Oh, just you. Gotta make sure you’re real because this seems like a dream that’s too good to be true.”
“Believe me baby, I’m right here in the flesh. All for you.” Tommy answers as he pushes himself upright and secures his hold around Evan. “Right here and never going anywhere.”
“You’d better not.”
“If these past twenty-four hours are any indication of what our future will look like then you might have a hard time just getting me to leave this bed.” Tommy teases as his eyes darken with lust.
In that moment Evan was grateful again that he’d been long gone from the loft, leaving behind the worry of thin shared walls that did very little to conceal the sounds of their intensely vocal lovemaking.
Before Tommy can successfully remove Evan’s pesky boxers, he’s distracted by the rapid vibrations of one of their phones.
“Looks like that’s you sweetheart.” Tommy says as he untangles himself and gets on his feet.
“Hey! Where are you going?”
“Gonna get started on breakfast.”
“You can’t go! You promised you wouldn’t!” Evan pouts in protest. “And of all times to leave too!”
“Gotta refuel if we’re gonna keep at it sweetheart.”
After his weepy eyes fail to draw Tommy back to him Evan concedes defeat, quickly becoming annoyed as he picks up his phone.
He becomes half curious as he realizes that’s the same mystery number that has attempted to contact him more than half a dozen times in the past month.
He can’t quite put his finger on it, but something about that number seems vaguely familiar, just enough so that he can’t bring himself to block it even though he hasn’t given into the urge to answer.
They make it through breakfast without much fuss, heading back to the bedroom to blissfully continue in their marital duties without a care in the world.
It isn’t until he’s startled awake from their post coital nap that Evan decides enough is enough and searches through his phone’s history to see what the deal is with that incessant caller.
After plugging the number into the search bar of the messages app, he finds an old text thread. It doesn’t take much scrolling to realize the elusive caller in question is his ex Ali.
Ali?
What the hell could she want from him after all this time?
It had been more than six years since she’d decided that she couldn’t deal with the harsh realities that came with dating a first responder and Evan had long built a bridge and got over that.
What Evan couldn’t figure out was why on earth she would bother contacting him after all this time.
After getting lost in thought, it suddenly comes to him.
Last month he and Tommy were highlighted on the LAFD’s official Instagram account.
The department’s social media director reached out to them stating that more than a few firefighters and firefighter trainees were still unsure of whether the LAFD was actually as accepting of LGBTQ members as it was perceived to be.
Evan and Tommy were two of several firefighters, including Hen who participated in a campaign that let everyone know that the LAFD was indeed committed to being inclusive and welcoming as it could be.
Because his Instagram was public anyone who came across the post would’ve quickly seen his relationship with Tommy in its entirety from that very first picture of both men enveloped in soot ridden bliss in the hospital waiting room to the photo of them kissing after finally saying “I do”.
It sounded crazy the more he thought about it, but could Ali seeing the pictures of his engagement and wedding have trudged up last minute regrets?
Whether that was true or not, Evan was in no mood to find out.
Ali had her chance back then.
Evan had finally found his happily ever after with Tommy and he wasn’t about to let Ali or anyone else come in between that.
He couldn’t have hit the block button faster if he’d tried. For good measure, he went ahead and did the same on Instagram.
It’s two days later when they’re lounging on the couch without a care in the world watching Goodfellas that Evan’s phone starts to go off yet again.
At this point he’s so fed up that he has half a mind to take a hammer to the damn thing so he and Tommy can enjoy the rest of their staycation in peace.
It isn’t until he recognizes the number flashing across the screen that the panic starts to set in. Though there’s no id for the caller, he’s well aware of just who it is due to his unfortunate luck as a frequent flyer.
“Hi, this is Stacy from First Presbyterian Hospital. Is this Mr. Buckley I’m speaking with?”
Evan’s heart rate only increases as he remembers that he’s an emergency contact for Maddie, Chim, Bobby, Hen and Eddie and it could be any one of them.
The fact that they weren’t calling themselves meant that it must have been really bad.
“Um, uh yeah,” he hesitates, bracing himself for the worst.
“I’m calling on behalf of a patient here, Ali Martin. She’s requesting a visit from you. She says she’s attempted to reach you several times to no avail.”
“Um, uh…yeah I know Ali. But why is she in the hospital and why does she want to see me?” He asks confused.
“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to discuss that with you due to patient privacy laws. All Ms. Martin has permitted me to say is that it’s imperative that she sees you and that it’s as soon as possible. What would you like me to tell her?”
“I’ll be there.” He answers with a gulp.
The nurse thanks him before letting him go and his mind starts spiraling once again until Tommy is able to snap him out of his trance.
“Evan!”
“Shit, uh sorry. Didn’t mean to ignore you.”
“What’s wrong baby?” Tommy asks, seeing the worry in his eyes.
Evan briefly explains the call along with the litany of missed calls that he’d gotten over the past month, ending with an apology.
“What’s there to apologize for Evan? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I should’ve told you about this in the first place. I guess I was worried you’d think I was having second thoughts or wasn’t all in. Tommy, I just need you to know that I’d never-”
“Baby, I know you wouldn’t. Now clearly something is going on with this Ali if she’s been calling you like this and now has a nurse calling you. You sure you wanna go?”
“Yeah.”
“Want me to come with you?”
“Yeah, I’d really like that Tommy.”
And with that, the two men got dressed properly for the first time in nearly four days and head out.
When they enter the emergency department an eerily familiar feeling creeps into Evan’s bones.
Just like the time he came through those doors dead after being struck by lightning he can sense that in some way the course of his life is about to change forever.
Before they can properly make their way to the admissions desk they’re stopped short by a blonde woman in light blue scrubs.
“Mr. Buckley?” She asks as meets them.
“Yeah. Well, actually it’s Kinard now.”
She gives him and Tommy a once over before her eyes land on their matching wedding bands, giving her congratulations.
“Right this way.” She says, pausing in her tracks once she realizes Tommy is following. “I’m so sorry sir but Ms. Martin only consented to a visit from Mr. Buckley, I’m sorry, Mr. Kinard here.”
Tommy is preparing to back away before Evan jumps back in, “sorry nurse but anything that Ali says to me, she can say in front of him. I have no intention of keeping things from my husband. He comes with me, or I don’t come at all.”
“Very well, if you give me just one moment.” She says before disappearing down the hallway.
Before Tommy can utter a protest and insist that he’s fine in the waiting room, the nurse is already coming back, waving both men towards her.
With a deep breath Evan braces himself as he steps into the private room.
As he lays his eyes on Ali it’s clear as day that whatever was afflicting her had been going on for some time.
From her pale skin, and her sunken cheeks to her extremely thinned out hair that was hanging on for dear life it was clear it also had to be something very serious.
“Uh, um, hey Ali.” He begins nervously as he tiptoes forward.
“Hey yourself stranger.” She answers with a slight chuckle. “I take it this handsome man with you is responsible for the smiles you’ve had in all your insta posts.” She continues as she turns her attention towards the older man.
“Tommy.” He says as he extends a hand. “Evan’s told me a lot about you. It’s too bad we had to meet like this.”
“Oh, come on you can do better than that. I promise you won’t break me.” She teases as Tommy reluctantly goes in for a hug.
“So, Ali…” Evan changes the subject, “why are you here?”
“Seizure. Well, this time.” She answers.
“Seizure? Is it epilepsy? And what do you mean this time?”
“Nope. It’s stage four brain cancer; the seizures are just one of many many side effects.”
Evan’s expression immediately drops and Tommy places one of his hands in his as he struggles to keep the welled up tears from flowing.
No matter how things ended with Ali, of all people she definitely didn’t deserve this.
He now felt more guilty than ever for ignoring her calls and blocking her.
“Okay. But you’re fighting it right? I know there’s all kinds of treatments and stuff you can utilize.” He asks hopefully.
“Up until now, yes. A month ago, my oncologist sent in an application to get me into a drug trial that looked super promising. For all intents and purposes, definitely a last resort. We were supposed to find out if I got in later today, but there’s no point now.” She answers.
“What’re you talking about? Of course there’s a point, there’s always a point. You have to keep fighting Ali.”
“That’s what I thought too until I got brought in after having this latest seizure. They did all the usual tests and scans. Just got the MRI results back this morning confirming now that it’s not a matter of if, but when. I’m out of options Evan.” She explains, sending chills down his spine.
After taking a beat, Evan’s able to form some coherent words, his confusion being far from done.
“Not to sound like a dick or anything Ali, but of all people why call me? It’s been so long and in the grand scheme of things we didn’t even have much together. We didn’t even make it past five months. I thought the door had been long closed.”
“Oh, that’s where I beg to differ Buck. You see-” she starts before she’s cut off by the most adorable little girl that comes sprinting in so fast that she runs headfirst into Tommy’s leg.
“Mommy!”
“Hey, what’re you doing here love bug?” Ali asks as she opens her arms for a hug.
Evan smiles too, taking solace in the fact that even if Ali didn’t find love with him that she was able to find it in another form.
As the little girl turns around and Evan finally sees her face, his heart instantly sinks to his stomach.
It’s like he’s looking in a mirror as he sees a wine-colored birthmark on the little one’s left temple.
Evan instantly bolts into the hallway, his breathing growing more rabid by the second until he’s full on hyperventilating.
Tommy joins him seconds later, desperately trying to get him to follow the sound of his voice to no avail.
It isn’t until a much smaller hand is placed within his that Evan starts to come back to reality.
His breathing is still ragged, but he’s finally able to focus as the little girl brings him down to her level, saying “my mommy says whenever I get big feelings that having deep breaths makes everything all better. You wanna try?” She asks, looking into his eyes.
All he can do is nod as she counts to three and directs him to slowly breathe in and out over and over again.
“See! All better!” she proudly exclaims. “My name is Jordan, what’s yours?”
“I’m…um…Buck or Evan. Either one is fine. He’s Tommy.” He answers as he gets on his feet.
“Well Mr. Buck I wanna go back in to see my mommy, will you come in with me?”
He simply nods as allows himself to be pulled back into the room.
“Sorry I know that was more than a little…unexpected. You okay?” Ali asks apologetically as they file in.
“Yeah, I think I’ll be just fine. Jordan here has excellent calming techniques if I do say so myself.”
“There you are you little stinker!” A tall redhead says as she hustles into the room.
Though he’d never met her in person, Evan vaguely remembers mentions of the best friend Ali’s had since preschool.
“You were supposed to wait for me outside of the stall. You know you’re not supposed to run off like that Jordy Elaine.”
“I’m sorry aunt Charlie, I really wanted to see mommy.”
“It’s okay, as long as you don’t do it again.”
Ali shoots the woman a look that Evan can’t quite make out and she whisks Jordan away to the cafeteria for ice cream.
The room remains deathly silent for the next several minutes until Evan decides to take the leap.
“How could you not tell me you were pregnant Ali? Did you really think I was that much of a screwup that I couldn’t handle at least knowing?”
“It wasn’t like that Buck I swear. It’s a lot more complicated than it seems.”
“Really? Because from where I’m standing it looks like every day for almost what six years, that you’ve decided to keep this from me. You could’ve at least told me in the beginning so I could’ve made the choice for myself. Ali, you had no right.”
Before saying anything else, Ali reaches for her phone and taps away until she lands on a picture and shows it to both men.
“I don’t get it, what am I supposed to be looking at?” Evan asks confused as he looks upon the picture of her dressed in a bikini that left little to the imagination with abs that showed just how seriously she took her workout regimen.
“That’s me New Year’s Day 2020 in Miami. Less than three weeks later I woke up with the worst stomach pain I’d ever had in my life. Felt like I was dying. Doctors thought it was a ruptured appendix at first. Two hours later there I was holding my little “ruptured appendix” in my arms in utter disbelief.” She explained.
The more Evan thought about it, it suddenly made sense.
He’d spent an endless amount of time binge watching the show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant and while many of those women’s claims seemed suspicious at best, it fit for Ali.
He remembered her complaints of severe period pains courtesy of endometriosis and the extreme irregularity of those periods.
He also remembered how she told him because of how severe it was that her gynecologist thought it’d be unlikely she’d ever be able to have children.
Add all that up it’s more than logical that she never thought she could’ve actually been pregnant.
“Fine, I can accept that you had no idea you were pregnant, but what stopped you from picking up a phone for six years? Why deny me the chance for so long Ali?”
“You don’t understand Buck. It wasn’t an easy choice.” She says before coughing prompting Tommy to pour her a cup of water from the pitcher.
“Well, I’m all ears. Enlighten me. I have all day.” He says as plants himself in the chair next to the bed.
“Well, one day I’m living my life solo, with no plans for what’s next other than an upcoming business trip and next thing I know I have an entire baby out of nowhere. It took me weeks for it to sink in that it was really happening and that I hadn’t imagined it all. Once it had sunk in of course I thought “oh crap, she has a whole father who doesn’t even know she exists.” She started, taking sips of water in between.
“It took several more weeks, but just as I found my nerve and had a plan ready to call and explain everything to you, the whole world shut down. I knew just like before I couldn’t ask you to quit your job and with you working so close to public there was just no feasible way I could make it happen while keeping her safe from the virus.”
“Couldn’t be easy at all having a surprise baby and facing a pandemic alone.” Tommy chimed in trying to be helpful, earning him a scowl from his husband.
“She didn’t have to be alone though Tommy. She could’ve told me.”
“I know, I know. But initially I was so freaked out about Covid and how little we knew about it that all I could think about was keeping her away from it all. When she was about fifteen months, I figured we had enough of a grasp on everything that I could’ve made it work. But then…”
“Then what?”
“Your friend Eddie got shot. Then that other firefighter. Next thing I know I’m watching you scale a cell tower on the news while some psychopath could’ve ended you in a second. Buck, as much as I couldn’t bear to lose you, I just couldn’t imagine putting my little girl through the pain of losing her father to a job he couldn’t put aside for her.” She answers, causing a sea of emotion to rage within him once again.
“It’s nice to know you think so little of me that couldn’t believe for even a second that I wouldn’t be capable of changing everything for my child. I would’ve done whatever it took Ali.” He continues now with tears running down his cheek.
“I know, and I’m sorry Buck. I really am. I thought I was making the right choice, but you know what they say about hindsight. I won’t ask you to forgive me, I know that’s too much. But what I will ask you, hell, I’ll even beg is for you to forget about the time that was lost and be with her now. I need to know that she’ll be okay with you when I’m gone.” She finishes now sobbing.
Evan gives her a moment to let it all out, handing her tissues when it seems she’s slowing down.
As much as he wants to stay mad at her, he can only think about the horrible position she’s in right now and how he can offer her one last true comfort.
“Of course, Ali, I’d love nothing more than to have chance to finally get to be her father. I just don’t know how to start in a situation like this.”
“My attorney told me that the first thing we should do is establish paternity so you’re legally recognized as her father. Stacy told me if you’re willing, she can do your DNA swab today so we can get the ball rolling.”
“Okay, the technical part seems easy enough. Now how do we go about getting me integrated in Jordan’s life? I mean it’s not like I can just go up to her and say, “sorry your mommy is about to kick the bucket sweetie, by the way I’m your daddy who’ve you’ve never met before and now I’m all you’ve got.”
“I don’t believe it’ll be as hard as you think, kids are more resilient than you’d ever believe.” Tommy chimes in.
“I hope to God you’re right.” Evan replies.
“Well, I’ll talk to her about the more difficult part of the situation. I already told her back when I was first diagnosed that there was a possibility that I wouldn’t get better, and things would be way different for her. She was weirdly okay with it, believe it or not. Now I just got to come with the bombshell about who her father is.”
“Anything you want us to do in the meantime?” Tommy asks.
“Well, Jordan’s birthday is this Saturday. There’s this breakfast spot in Tarzana that has these churro pancakes that she just loves. I can’t think of a better way to win her over.”
“Noted.” Tommy responds with a chuckle. “Anything else we can get for you, and I do mean anything?” He continues.
Evan can’t help but feel lucky all over again.
Most people would storm away in an instant upon hearing their new spouse had an unknown child and would have to be their primary caretaker.
Here Tommy was not only taking it all in with no indication he wanted to go anywhere, but he was also doing whatever he could to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for everyone involved.
Despite their numerous heart to hearts reassuring one another that they promised to never run and to always be out and open about how they felt, Evan couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some twisted catch about to take place.
Once Ali assures them everything is alright, they bid each other goodbye, promising to keep in touch for any pertinent updates and they make their way to the nurse’s station to find Stacy.
The DNA test is done in the blink of an eye and Stacy tells them that their in-house lab usually gets results within two to four days.
On the ride home they sit in complete silence.
There’s a million and one things running through Evan’s mind right now, yet he can hardly conceptualize it.
Eight hours ago, he was just a newlywed looking forward to everything he Tommy would build in the future.
Now he’s got a whole child, not even an infant but a nearly six-year-old with thoughts, opinions, existing in her own little world that up until recently didn’t have him in it.
“I can tell from the look on your face that you’ve got a lot on your mind Evan. You wanna talk about it?”
“I have a daughter.”
“Yeah, you do.”
“I have a daughter.”
“I think that’s already been well established sweetheart.” He says with a laugh. “What I’d like to know is how you feel about that.”
“You think she’ll hate me?” Evan asks as they pull into their driveway.
“Wait what? Why on earth would she hate you?”
“Well, if not for the fact that I’ve been completely absent for the first six years of her life, then maybe because I’m about to be the strange man that steals her away after her mom dies.”
“Sweetheart, like I said before, kids are a lot more resilient than you think. Besides you’re great with kids, look at how you are with Jee.”
“There’s a big difference between babysitting for a couple of hours every now and then and being completely and totally responsible for everything in a kid’s life. What if I mess up?”
“Oh baby, you will mess up. Probably more times than you can count. As will I. Nobody is capable of being the perfect parent. What matters is how you learn from your mistakes and move forward from them.”
That night, not a single wink of sleep comes to Evan as he relentlessly tosses and turns and thinks of every what if possible.
The next night wasn’t much better, the little sleep achieved only because of pure exhaustion and his anxiety is peaking like never before.
The following morning as he’s pushing his breakfast around with his fork, he gets the call from Stacy confirming what everyone already visually knew.
Now with paternity officially established, they had a meeting with Ali’s lawyer after lunch to set up all the other crucial steps.
They talk about everything from Jordan’s health insurance to Ali’s life insurance and how the monthly payments would be distributed for Jordan’s care, to her current school situation and any possible changes to it.
Perhaps the most important issue of the day was where Tommy stood in the midst of everything.
Ali wholeheartedly agreed that it’d be in Jordan’s best interest for Tommy to legally adopt her in case something ever happened to Evan so her stability wouldn’t be at risk again.
Despite Ali being fully on board, they were let down not so easily when the lawyer told them that even the most agreeable adoptions took anywhere from six to twelve months to be finalized in California. They obviously didn’t know the exact amount of time Ali had left, but they all knew the odds were certainly against her lasting that long.
While starting the lengthy process they settle for the next best thing which is having Tommy recognized as her legal guardian, in the meantime Ali would write a letter in full support of Tommy eventually adopting Jordan so when the time came, even though she likely wouldn’t be there it’d be that much easier.
It’s that following morning when Evan has to face his real test. Just five days ago one Jordan Martin made a surprise entrance into his life, six years ago that very day she made her surprise entrance into the world.
Thanks to the efforts of his wonderful husband, in no time they figure out everything the newly six-year-old was interested in. Barbies, squish mallows, trains and capybaras.
“Ready to go sweetheart?” Tommy asks, carrying so many bags that even with such massive hands it was a struggle.
“Yeah, let’s do this.”
The drive to Tarzana was over before they knew it, traffic being unusually light even for an early Saturday morning.
Once they parked, they still had another twenty minutes before Jordan was arriving and they took full advantage of the time to repeatedly tell themselves that everything would be alright.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the lady of honor herself!” Evan announces as Jordan makes her way to the host stand with Charlotte trailing right behind.
“Hey! I’m not a lady; I’m just a little kid.” She corrects.
“Hmm…I don’t know about the little part. If the rumors I hear are true, it’s somebody’s birthday today.” He teases.
“Me! Me! Me!”
“I don’t know. Are you sure about that? Maybe its Aunt Charlotte’s birthday? Or is it Tommy’s?”
“They don’t have a shirt that says birthday girl. I do.” She informs.
“Well, I guess it’s true then. Let’s head to our table birthday girl.”
“Don’t forget to behave and be a good girl for Buck and Tommy just because it’s your birthday, okay you little stinker?” Charlotte warns.
“Yes ma’am. Bye auntie!” She says with a hug before they make their way to the booth.
The breakfast goes off relatively without a hitch.
Jordan ever the icebreaker immediately reveals that she knows Evan is her father and that she’s happy to have new family in her life.
he also lets the two men know that she knows that since Evan and Tommy are married that it makes no sense to call Tommy uncle Tommy and that while Evan will be daddy, Tommy can be dad.
She devours her churro pancakes and has all the gratitude in the world as she meticulously opened the numerous gifts she received.
Once they’re all done and Charlotte’s been called, they wait in the Jeep for her to come back and pick Jordan up.
The twenty minutes that it should’ve taken her to arrive soon turns into thirty.
They assume it must be traffic or some other delay, but in no time that thirty minutes turns into an hour, and panic starts to set in.
Before Evan can unlock his phone, it starts rapidly ringing with a call from just the person he was waiting for.
“Hey Charlotte, is everything alright?” He asks. “We were starting to get concerned.” He adds lowly enough so the set of ears in the backseat couldn’t hear.
“Yes and no. Ali had another seizure. She’ll be fine eventually but she hit her head pretty hard and she’s gonna have to stay in the hospital at least a few days. I know it’s super sudden and last minute, but is there any way you guys could keep Jordy for tonight?”
With that, the panic slowly started to creep back in.
Evan had accepted that he’d be spending a lot more time with his little girl as everything progressed, but he hadn’t expected so much to happen so soon.
He began to worry that there was no way he could possibly been ready for everything that would be coming his way by the time Ali passed.
But then he suddenly remembers that little girl in the back needs him, and now more than ever, so no matter how scared he was he’d just have to suck it up and get over it for her sake.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver Buck. Shoot me your address and I’ll drop off some clothes for her.”
“No problem, will do.”
“Oh, and will you please tell Jordy we’re sorry we had to cancel her sleepover and that we’ll make it up to her?”
“Of course, consider it handled.”
Once the call ends Evan takes a moment to try to figure out how best to break the news to the birthday girl.
It was difficult enough to broach hard subjects with small children as is, he couldn’t quite get a grasp on how to let his daughter know that her mother’s life almost came to an end.
With one last deep breath Evan utters a here goes nothing to himself saying “So Jordan-”
“Mommy’s in the hospital again, isn’t she?” she asks, holding nothing back.
“Uh, yeah. How’d you know?” He asks, surprised that someone so small could be so perceptive.
“You had the same look on your face that auntie Charlie did the last time she had to go. Is she gonna be okay or is she gonna go to heaven this time?” she asks, baffling both and Evan and Tommy. This kid was giving Hen a run for her money with all the things she knew without being said.
“Thankfully no. Your aunt Charlotte said she should be fine in a few days. But you will have to stay with me and Tommy tonight and miss your sleepover tonight. Sorry about that.”
“That’s okay, I like doing stuff with you two. Mommy is fine this time, but she’s still gonna go to heaven really soon anyway, isn’t she?”
Evan trades a look with Tommy once again unsure of what he could possibly say to not make things significantly worse.
Oh, how he wished Frank or Dr. Copeland could be there with them right now.
“Mommy already told me that if the medicine she takes stops working that she’ll get really sick have to go heaven. I don’t think it works anymore.”
“Yeah, you’re right Jordan. The medicine isn’t working anymore.” Evan admits seeing no point in withholding the truth. “How does that make you feel?”
“If I tell you, you promise you won’t be mad?”
“Of course not. Why would we be mad?”
“Because I’d be really sad, but I’d be happy too. I don’t think mommy knows but I see her throwing up a lot and crying because she hurts a lot. If she goes to heaven she won’t hurt anymore.”
“Do you talk to your mommy about how you feel? I think it’d make her a lot less worried.”
“No. I get sad a lot because even though mommy won’t hurt anymore, I know that I’ll really miss her. But, if mommy knows I’m sad, then she’ll be sad, and I don’t want her to be sad, so I just say that I’m happy even when I’m really not.”
With the last revelation Evan has to turn away because he can’t help the tears that start free flowing from his eyes.
It was already bad enough that this poor kid had to suffer the pain of losing her mom, but she also had the curse of being so emotionally intelligent that she was already carrying the burden of hiding her emotions for sake of everyone else’s happiness.
Before he can find his resolve, Tommy steps up to save the day yet again.
“Hey kiddo, you know I wasn’t too much older than you are now when I lost my mom.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really. I know exactly what you’re going through. Which is exactly why I think you should tell your mom what you’re feeling even if it’s sad.”
“But I don’t wanna make her sad too.” She whimpers trying to hold back tears.
“I know, I know. I used to think the same thing whenever I had problems as a kid. Then suddenly I wasn’t able to talk to my mom ever again and I really wish I had. Trust me when I say your mom is a lot stronger than you think and she’ll never be too sad to talk to you. Okay?”
“Okay.” She says wiping a lone tear.
They’re home barely twenty minutes before Jordan crashes courtesy of the churro pancake induced sugar rush and she’s deep into her nap as Charlotte quickly dips in and out to drop off her clothes and her birthday cake.
The day continues delightfully mundane and it’s a quarter to seven when Evan’s putting the finishing touches on dinner while Tommy and Jordan are watching Revenge of the Sith.
Out of nowhere there’s a knock on the front door, leaving Evan curious albeit a little worried since he couldn’t remember expecting anyone so late.
“Uncle Buck!” Jee screams as she leaps into Evan’s arms and Maddie gathers him in a hug.
“Uh, hey Maddie. Not that I’m unhappy to see you, but what’re you guys doing here?”
“It’s time for you and Jee’s monthly sleepover date, remember? I know it’s still technically your “not” honeymoon and you said it was fine, but I can drop her off at Hen’s if you’re not-”
“No, it’s fine, it’s fine. It’s just that-”
“Hi!” Jordan cuts off as she makes a beeline towards Maddie.
“Hi sweetie, how’re-” Maddie starts, pausing as her eyes meet that identical birthmark on her temple.
“Evan, what’s going on?” She asks as she looks at him confused.
“Me and my daddies are having a sleepover for my birthday!” Jordan exclaims excitedly. “Are you coming too?”
“Oh, sweetie I wish I could, but I have to go into work soon, but Jee here can stay and play.”
With that the two little ones lock eyes before instantly smiling at each other and running off hand in hand into the house.
“Evan?”
“Look Maddie, it’s a really really long story and like you said you have to go to work. I promise I’ll explain when we have more time. Okay?”
“Okay. You have a good night little brother.” She says with a side eye that spoke a thousand words
“Alright, now spill.” Maddie demands as she’s walking into their kitchen the next morning.
He gives her the rundown about Ali’s persistent calling, her diagnosis and her surprise pregnancy and the reasoning behind hiding everything for so long.
“How are you not 100% more pissed than you are right now?”
“Oh, believe me Maddie I definitely was at first. But I realized it’s not about me; it’s about that little girl and what’s best for her. As much as I want to stay angry, I don’t have the time. I have to focus on getting her through this with as little collateral damage as possible.”
“Wow, that’s quite a mature stance to take little brother. I’m really proud of you.”
“Thanks Maddie, but the real saint in all of this is Tommy. I don’t know how I’d do any of it without him.”
“She doesn’t just have you and Tommy, but the rest of us too. Don’t forget you have a village that you can call on at any time. You’re not alone in this Buck.”
“Thanks Maddie. And by the way, that village wouldn’t happen to know yet courtesy of my blabber mouth of a brother-in-law, would they?”
“No! Of course not! You know I’d never tell something this important without your permission first. Besides, Chimney picked up an overtime shift for our upcoming vacation, so he hasn’t been home yet anyway.”
“Good, cause I definitely want to tell them in my own way.”
With the help of his clipboard, Evan had mapped out a clear concise plan on how he’d break the big news to his fire family when he returned to work that Monday.
“If it isn’t the newly minted Mr. Kinard himself, how you doing my man?” Eddie asks with a great hug.
Evan doesn’t know what comes over him, because out of nowhere he just blurts out “I have a child!”
“Ew Buck! Nobody asked for the sordid details about what went on in your bedroom.” Hen interjects, disgusted.
“Wait what’re you talking about?” He asks confused.
“Don’t think I didn’t overhear you joking that you and Tommy were gonna have so much sex that he was gonna put a baby in you. We get it Buck. You had a lot of sex. Don’t have to be so vulgar about it.” She teases.
“No, guys I’m being serious. Look!” He says as he unlocks his phone and scrolls to his most recent picture causing every jaw in the vicinity to drop.
“Holy copy and paste! What in the world? How?” Eddie asks perplexed.
“Remember Ali?”
“Shit, that was a long time ago. She’s the one from the hotel during the earthquake, right?”
“Yeah. To make a long story short, on day two of our staycation she let me know I’ve been a father for the last six years.”
“Man, I’m glad I let you date her instead.” Eddie teases, earning an eyeroll from his best friend.
“Okay, but why’d she wait so long to tell you? And why now?” Bobby chimes in.
Once again, he gives the spark notes version of Ali’s prognosis and what that meant for their future.
“Wow Buckaroo, I’m so sorry. This must’ve hit you like a train. If there’s anything you need, just know that we’re all here for you.” Chimney says with everyone else nodding in agreement.
“Is there anything you need from me right now Buck?” Bobby asks as he pulls him to the side.
“Right now, no. But I do know that I will need to take a couple of months off when the inevitable does happen. I want to be able to give Jordan as much attention she needs when the time comes.”
“Alright. Just keep me posted kid.”
The following eight weeks are some of the busiest, most chaotic, expensive, challenging and fun that Evan’s ever experienced.
Four trips to the San Diego Zoo, nearly half a dozen visits to the pier, full tours of both harbor station and the 118, and a full experience ride along on the fire engine.
Countless restaurants, every age-appropriate movie that was playing in the theaters, the museum of natural science, the Getty and so much more.
Though he’d never admit it, it was as if Evan was desperately trying to make up for all the time they’d lost.
It’s a Wednesday morning when Evan and Tommy are off to a meeting with Ali and her attorney for a progress update for Jordan’s stepparent adoption.
With Charlotte having to take a last-minute trip out of town for a pressing family matter, Ali was left to her own devices.
She’d insisted she’d be just fine taking an Uber to the downtown law office, but Evan and Tommy weren’t hearing a word of it, opting to pick her up instead.
When Evan calls to let her know they’re on their way, an eerie feeling creeps down his spine despite there being nothing outwardly indicating something was amiss.
They make it to the front door and knock several times to no avail and the worry comes crawling back as just thirty minutes ago she assured them she’d be ready.
After a few more knocks, Evan takes out his phone and calls, he gets no answer, but he can hear a faint ringing on the other side of the door.
Just as he’s about to walk away, he’s suddenly drawn to a window on his left and is terrified by the sight the opened blinds allow him to see.
“Oh my God!” He exclaims.
“What? What is it Evan?” Tommy asks as he rushes to his husband.
“Look!” He says as he points towards Ali lying face down on the floor completely still.
With just one swift kick, Tommy is able to get the door open and they immediately rush to her aid.
Upon recognizing that she’s unresponsive he prepares himself to begin compressions until Tommy stops him in his tracks.
“What’re you doing Tommy? I have to start compressions.” he asks with a shaky voice as the tears flow.
“No, baby look.” He says as he lifts her limp wrist to reveal a DNR bracelet.
“But we have to save her we can’t do nothing!” Evan protests as he attempts to render aid again with no success.
“Evan, no. We have to respect her wishes; you know we can’t.”
“But I’m not ready Tommy! I’m not ready.” He blubbers before he breaks out in a full sob.
“I know sweetheart, I know.” Tommy comforts as he grabs him in a bear hug and directs Siri to call 9-1-1.