Chapter Text
Ratio is dumbfounded when Aventurine suddenly leaves his childhood bedroom to ‘get some fresh air’, as he claims. He is aware that some of the topics which have been addressed throughout the evening have been sensitive ones for him, but he had a feeling that the man had managed everything just fine. Was he wrong? Did he fall for the gambler’s infuriating poker face once again? Have they not managed to get past this point with their relationship?
It is a rare thing for Veritas Ratio to not know what to do, but this is exactly what is happening now. He is not one to disrespect anyone's need for personal space, and Aventurine has clearly said that he “needs some fresh air.” It is a universal code meaning “I want to be alone!”, Ratio knows this from past experience.
However… The gambler is not a logical person. Ratio has long since accepted that he is his very own system of chaos, and that this system often is not fathomable to him.
When the doctor finally decides to leave his room and quietly walks down the stairs to not disturb his parents, his mother takes a peek out of her bedroom to talk to him:
“Is everything alright? Didn't I just hear the front door?”
Ratio nods at her: “Yes, Aventurine has left the house. Apparently he needed a bit of fresh air.”
His mother glances at him critically: “Have you said or done something?”
In a normal conversation, Ratio would scold her for blaming him without evidence. Tonight, however, he starts to doubt that she is really wrong: “If only I knew…” he grumbles and decides that - just this once - he will put his potentially unfounded worry over Aventurine’s right for privacy and follow him outside.
The first thing he notices when he grabs his own cloak is that this reckless fool of a man is not even wearing his poor excuse of a ‘winter jacket’. It makes him furious. Is he trying to get himself killed? As far as Ratio can remember, he is only wearing a very thin shirt, which undoubtedly looks good on him but won't do anything to keep him warm, and the temperatures around this time of the year are close to the freezing point.
When he is out on the street, Ratio starts to ponder the question where Aventurine might have gone to. When he thinks about himself, a few potential places come to mind. The public bookshelf closeby. The sculpture park. The reading hall of the university, open 24/7. However, those are Ratio's preferences, and Aventurine is not even familiar with this place and doesn't know any of them.
He thinks further. What does the gambler like? Luxury, dangerous things and games come to mind. The kind of extravagant luxury he likes is not popular on Ratio's home planet, so he won't find anything to his liking here. Also, this place is the least dangerous one Ratio can think of. There is almost no criminality, no shady businesses, not even places for extreme sports. That's good, he thinks. This way, Aventurine will at least not be able to get himself into trouble. What remains are games. Gambling is prohibited, so this is a loose end, too. What else could there be? The only people engaging in games here are kids, and the only place for kids that comes to mind is the playground closeby. He decides to give it a try.
The walk to the playground takes around fifteen minutes, and it is enough to make Ratio curse the cold. There are different stories as to why this planet has an actual ‘winter’ season despite creating its own, completely artificial climate. The most popular one is the “christmas-tradition-theory”. It says that people chose to end every year with a season filled with cold weather and snow because this was what the people on humanity’s planet of origin once considered to be the perfect weather for this season. Apparently, it was a cliche formed by the media, by movies and ads proclaiming how romantic it is to meet at the end of the year, sitting idly by a fireside while the snow is falling outside. It is a silly story, and even if there may be a grain of truth in it, Ratio is aware that it is not the true reason.
In reality, decisions like this are always based on rationality and economy, and this one is not different. Many amber eras ago, when human life on the planet was still young, they had settled for mild winters, but it did not turn out to be the paradise for humanity they had imagined it to become. Instead, the ones who profited the most had been the parasites. Without a proper winter, nature lacked the capacity to control their numbers, with serious consequences for the local agriculture, so the cold season quickly saw its comeback. No sentimental feelings involved in the process, just logical thinking - maybe it is the explanation why Ratio has always preferred this theory over the other one. For some reason, he now finds himself wondering which story Aventurine would prefer. Probably the other one, he assumes. He cannot always follow the gambler’s thought patterns, but they tend to disagree on matters like this. He likes this. It leaves room for interesting discussions.
But all of this is a question for another day, Ratio reminds himself when the playground finally comes in sight.
Although Ratio does not like to admit it, his eyesight is not the best. He regularly uses his glasses for reading, but he also has a pair for larger distances which he typically only wears when he drives. Unfortunately, in contrast to his reading glasses, he does not always carry this pair with him. However, he is not so blind that he does not notice the lone figure sitting on one of the swings on the playground. The figure is small and slim enough to at least resemble a teenager from afar, but the flock of blond hair tells Ratio everything he needs to know. He’d recognize this colour everywhere, even out here in the dark. It is such a unique and pretty blond, always reminding him of a ripe wheat field in the last days of summer.
Initially, Ratio wants to greet Aventurine with the scolding he deserves for exposing himself to the cold like this, but the look on the man’s face stops him from actually doing it. He has never seen him look so sad and vulnerable - not even back in Penacony when Sunday had tortured him by forcing all of his memories back to the surface.
“Aventurine.” he says to get his attention. He is pretty sure that the gambler must have heard him coming, but only now does he show him some attention.
“Hi, doc.” is what Aventurine replies, quietly. There is nothing of the typical bravado in his voice. It makes him sound very small and a little lost.
“May I join you?” Ratio asks, and when Aventurine gives him the permission, he takes the swing next to him. It is a strange feeling. He has not sat on one for ages, and it feels so much smaller than it did when he was a child.
They sit in silence for a while. This would be a great moment for some small talk to lighten the mood, but unfortunately, Ratio has no idea about finding suitable topics and Aventurine seems to be unwilling to play the chatty guy like he usually likes to do. So in the end, Ratio decides to - just for tonight - go out of his way and try his luck with some random topic:
“Do you know why the people on this planet decided to keep the four seasons they knew from humanity’s planet of origin?”
Aventurine looks at him and gives him a smile. It is only a small one, but it is one at all, so Ratio decides to count this as a success and starts to tell Aventurine the story. When he is finished, the gambler surprises him with his reply:
“I see the romantic appeal in the traditional theory.” he says, but immediately adds something else: “However, as someone from a pretty hostile planet like Sigonia-IV, I cannot believe that people would willingly choose such a terrible coldness just because of a nostalgic memory. It goes against any survival instinct.”
The answer makes Ratio sigh: “While I’m happy we agree on that for once, I cannot help but wonder what exactly is wrong with your survival instinct then? Were you planning to freeze yourself to death out here?”
The remark seems to make Aventurine feel a little sheepish, but he does not give Ratio any answer, so the doctor decides to get a little more straight-forward:
“Care to tell me what’s wrong, gambler?” he asks, and the addressed man seems to flinch a little in reaction to this question.
He can tell that Aventurine’s first impulse is to lie, to brush it off like he always does and to tell him that everything is fine, but in the end, he does not dare to do it. It is so obviously wrong that there is no use in even trying. He sighs deeply:
“After this evening, back there in your room… I just realized that I can no longer play your boyfriend. I know that it was me who started this game in the first place, but… it just doesn’t work anymore. I'm sorry.”
Ratio looks at him intensely, but he does not manage to read whatever Aventurine is hiding between those lines, so he reminds him:
“That’s fine. I told you that this is the last time I would ask you, didn’t I?”
“You did.” Aventurine agrees, and for some reason, it sounds… bitter?
There is a little break before Aventurine speaks again: “But what if I never wanted there to be a final round to this game?”
This confuses Ratio: “But didn’t you just tell me you no longer want to play this game anyway?”
Surprisingly, Aventurine seems offended by those words: “No, I didn’t! I told you that I can no longer play it, not that I don’t want to!” he explains himself, and Ratio notices that it must be the first time he sees him genuinely angry about something.
Also, that is a difference, Ratio agrees - but still, he does not really understand, and that is also what he tells Aventurine:
“It seems that I am the slow one among us right now, but I fear that you will have to explain yourself if you want me to understand: what exactly are you trying to tell me?”
Aventurine takes a moment to think about his answer, his anger obviously already vanished. After some consideration, he starts with a question: “You know that I like my gambles risky, right? High stakes, high rewards and all of this.”
It is more of a rhetorical question and they both know it, so Ratio just nods and Aventurine continues:
“However, I am used to winning. But this time, I have to admit that I lost. It's a bit embarrassing to put it like this, but I guess you could say that you were my opponent, and my wager was my own stupid heart, and I stupidly failed to even understand it before it was too late…”
It takes a moment for Ratio to see through Aventurine's clumsy comparison, but when he does, it makes him smile fondly, and it encourages him to go on with his own agenda:
“Would you still consider it a loss if I promised you to take good care of what I won from you?”
The look on Aventurine's eyes tells Ratio that he does not quite understand, so he decides to add a little more context, in a way he hopes is fathomable for the gambler:
“Let me try to put it in your terms. You know I'm not much of a gambler, but when I decided to join your little game all those months ago, I put in a wager, too, and it might have been similar to the one you chose. And in that sense, I have to admit that I lost, too. Which, strictly speaking, makes it a draw anyway, in case such details really matter to you.”
Now, it finally seems to dawn on Aventurine what Ratio is trying to say, judging by the way his pretty eyes widen in surprise.
“But… you said today was the last time you'd ask me to play your boyfriend… Then why?” Aventurine seems to stumble over his own words, and Ratio suddenly understands that ultimately, this mess is his fault for leaving out important information once again. He sighs in exasperation:
“You're right, I did say that - because I was hoping for a chance to talk to you and ask you to actually become my… boyfriend.”
Oh, it feels so embarrassing to speak it out loud! And how deafening the following silence sounds to his ears!
“ You want to be with me ?” Aventurine's voice is not much more than a whisper when he finally speaks up again after what feels like an eternity although it probably is not even more than a minute.
“Is that such an unbelievable idea to you? Didn't the same happen to you?” Ratio asks, potentially just a little offended by the gambler’s lack of self-esteem in this matter of all things.
“Yeah, it did, but… you are… Ratio. And I am, well, me, I guess.”
Seriously, where did the man's eloquence go? Ratio crosses his arms in front of his chest. It probably makes him look like a pouty child, given the fact that he is sitting on a swing right now.
“I don't see any problem with you being you and me being me and us being together.” he simply states what he takes to be self-explanatory - only to see a tear rolling down Aventurine's cheek.
“Gambler?” he gets up in shock. Did he say something wrong? Cursed be all aeons, he has no experience whatsoever in these matters! For the first time ever, he wishes the always overly confident Aventurine back, and the thought alone immediately makes him feel a pang of guilt. It is the man behind the poker face he fell for - the man who's sitting in front of him now, crying for a reason Ratio fails to understand.
“I’m alright.” Aventurine claims. Ratio finds it hard to believe when he sees him sobbing on the swing on this desolate playground since the first teardrop obviously decided that it did not want to stay alone.
“Just a little overwhelmed, I guess.” he tries to explain himself when he sees Ratio’s worried look, and the doctor wonders where he is supposed to take their discussion now.
However, in that moment, the subject of discussion changes itself when suddenly, something white lands on Aventurine's hand, which is at that moment gripping the handle of the swing like there is an abyss underneath him.
“What is this?” The gambler’s eyes widen in surprise once again.
“Is it ash?” he wonders worriedly, only to correct himself immediately: “No, it's cold, isn't it? Is this snow?”
How could he have forgotten , Ratio scolds himself. It always snows on the last night of the year. He has completely put that thought aside. It is his planet’s way to value the people's wish for a cozy time between the years. In a sense, by doing so, they actually make the silly theory about how the perfect end of the year should be a white one true.
While he is still thinking about this, Aventurine gets up from the swing, too, and Ratio takes a good look at him. He has stopped crying. Instead, his eyes gaze up towards the sky. And - aeons help him - he looks so beautiful. His eyes are shining in genuine surprise and curiosity, and Ratio understands that this must be his first time seeing snow. Sigonia-IV is a desert planet, after all.
“It's so pretty, doctor!” he says as he watches the white flakes tumble down.
“And so quiet!” he adds, and Ratio has to admit that he is right. There is only just a small snow blanket forming on the ground at the moment, but it already muffles the sound of everything around.
Aventurine seems to be unable to get enough of watching the snow, and Ratio does not want to ruin this experience for him, but he cannot help but worry when he looks at him. He is still only wearing his thin shirt, and by now, his head and his shoulders are starting to get covered by snow, so he decides to make a bold move.
He is not sure if everything between them is settled, but he steps closer to Aventurine from behind and pulls the man close, wrapping him into his own cloak in the way.
The cloak is not big enough to fully cover two men, but Ratio hopes that - together with his body’s temperature - it is able to provide at least a little warmth.
Aventurine gets quiet and turns around in his arms. When he looks up at him, his cheeks seem to be red, and Ratio is not sure if the cold is the only reason for this.
“I don't want you to freeze to death, you know?” Ratio explains himself, and Aventurine gives him a smile.
“That's nice of you.” he says. “Does that mean we can stay like this a little bit longer?” he asks, and there is just the perfect amount of mischief in his eyes for Ratio to understand that actually, he likes the man's cheeky side, too. At least a little. Sometimes.
“As long as you want to.” he promises, but for the moment, they both seem to have forgotten about the snow. At least Ratio can tell that he forgets about it when Aventurine looks up at him now, gets on his tiptoes and gently presses their lips together.
Ratio does not know how it is with Aventurine, but for him, this is his first kiss, and he feels like he has missed something in his life he did not even know he did. Aventurine's lips are not exactly warm in the beginning, but they are soft, and after leaning into the kiss himself, Ratio can really feel them warning up against his own lips by the second.
“Thank you.” Aventurine whispers a little later, when they reluctantly break the kiss in need of air, and Ratio feels like he never wants to let go of him ever again.
They stay like this for a long while. The town around them is getting quieter and whiter by the minute, and Ratio has to admit that it is a pretty sight. Maybe even a little romantic, actually. However, at some point, not even Ratio can help Aventurine against the cold anymore. When he feels him shivering in his arms, he decides that it is time to finally head home. The snow will still be there the next morning, for them to enjoy in broad daylight.
Back in his parent's kitchen, he insists on preparing a cup of warm milk with honey for both of them. Aventurine is sitting at the kitchen table and watches him while he prepares the beverages. He is wearing the warmest woolen pullover Ratio has brought along. It is much too tall for him, making him look like he could completely drown in it, but it is better than anything he has brought along, and he seems content.
They drink their milk in comfortable silence, and Ratio can watch the gambler’s eyes grow heavier by the minute. Like this, the man reminds him of a sleepy cat. It is a cute sight, and a precious display of trust from someone as used to never letting his guard down as him.
Before he can actually fall asleep right at the kitchen table, Ratio suggests they go to bed, and Aventurine agrees. So, a few minutes later, they find themselves back in Ratio's bedroom, wearing their pajamas, ready to finally sleep.
But what now? They have never settled on the question of who takes the bed, and now that the circumstances have changed, Ratio is unsure how to proceed.
It is when the gambler steps in: “You're not just thinking about the question who of us is going to take the bed, are you?” he asks, and Ratio could swear that his voice sounds a tad amused.
“Actually…” he admits, and Aventurine starts to giggle.
“I'll make it easy for you: if you're going to take the sofa, I'll take the sofa, too. If you're choosing the bed, I'll do the same. So the only thing left for you to decide is the level of comfort we're going to enjoy tonight.”
“I see.” Ratio says and nods, a little dumbfounded. In that case, the bed is the only possible choice. It is small for two people, but not as small as the sofa. He is unused to not sleeping alone, but he wants it to become a comfortable experience for both of them.
A few minutes later, he is lying in his old childhood bed, staring at the ceiling and not believing that he is going to find any sleep that night. Aventurine is lying next to him, his body pressed close to Ratio’s. One of his small hands is resting on Ratio's chest, and there is a fine smile on his already sleeping face. He really must have been exhausted, Ratio thinks. His head is resting on one of the doctor's arms, and although he is aware that it will become numb when he stays like this, he just refuses to move.
Aventurine is so close that he can hear his steady breathing and feel his body's warmth, and although he feels a little silly for thinking like this, it seems like a miracle to him. He moves the fingers of his free hand to gently touch the tips of Aventurine's hair, finally admitting to himself that he has been curious what it feels like for a long time now. It is soft and thin, leaving a fine sensation on his fingertips, and he just knows that he will enjoy caressing and ruffling it frequently in the future.
Every time he turns his head to the side to watch the man next to him, he can even make out a faint hint of his scent. Right now, it is a mixture of his perfume, the snow and just Aventurine himself, and he finds himself liking this blend very much.
Apparently, the gambler has a light sleep, for he now sleepily opens his eyes: “Are you not going to sleep?” he mumbles, and Ratio feels caught red-handed.
“I will.” he reassures him, and Aventurine closes his eyes again and snuggles even closer to him.
“That’s good.” he murmurs, and Ratio thinks he is by then already closer to being asleep than still awake once again. “We have a lot to do tomorrow, you know.”
As much as he wants Aventurine to rest, his curiosity gets the better of him, so he asks: “Is that so?”
“Hmmm.” Aventurine hums. “You need to show me everything we can do in the snow. Snowman, snowball fight, I wanna try it all.”
At that point, he opens his eyes again, and they sparkle in excitement despite how sleepy he looks: “Oh, and do you have a sleigh? Please tell me you do have one!”
Ratio chuckles and places his index finger on Aventurine’s lips to calm him down a little: “You really love to play, don’t you?”
The accusation makes Aventurine blush a little, and he sounds pouty when he replies: “It’s just… everything is new and exciting right now.”
This time, it is Ratio who makes the move to kiss Aventurine.
“I understand that, because I feel the same.” he tells him when they break the kiss. “However, if we don’t try to get some sleep now, I’m afraid we will not even make it out of this bed tomorrow.”
The thought makes Aventurine laugh: “Can’t say I’d dislike this prospect either.” he admits cheekily, and Ratio finally gives in to his impulse to ruffle the man's hair to lovingly scold him for being the rascal he obviously is.
It takes some time, but they do calm down eventually, and in the end, Ratio still manages to get sleepy like this is not a completely new situation for him which overwhelms him just a little. Or actually, a lot.
Even half asleep, Aventurine still manages to stay chatty: “I’ll really try to sleep now.” he murmurs. “I definitely don’t want to miss a thing tomorrow.”
At that point, Ratio’s mind is also already more asleep than awake, so he is not quite sure what exactly Aventurine is referring to, so he just gently combs through his hair and replies: “Just sleep, gambler. The snow is not going anywhere, and neither am I.”
It seems to work. Aventurine nestles against Ratio's chest, and they fall asleep in each other’s embrace. The next morning, it needs the encouragement of the scent of his mother's strong coffee in their noses to convince them to finally get out of bed at all.
At the breakfast table, Callista looks at them with a happy smile: “To think that my stubborn son really found the right one for him! When you first told me about it during that party, I sincerely suspected you to just put on an act to avoid another blind date.”
At that, Aventurine almost chokes on his coffee. Ratio rubs his back to stop the coughing before he gives his mother an answer:
“Actually, I suspected the same when he first asked me for a date.” Ratio settles for a diplomatic reply. Worded like this, it is not really a lie.
“It's something you'll rarely hear me say, but I am happy that I was wrong.” he adds, and takes a close look at Aventurine next to him, who seems to be very flustered by now.
Later, when they are alone, the gambler thanks him for his reaction: “Thanks for not exposing me earlier. I would have been too embarrassed to ever look your parents in the eyes again.” he admits.
“You should not think of it like this.” Ratio tells him in return. “If it wasn't for your little game, we wouldn't be here right now, so it is me who has to thank you.
Aventurine gives him a smile and takes a step towards him to place his forehead on Ratio's shoulder, and the doctor is relieved that it has not taken him long to understand that this is his way of requesting a hug from him. He still feels a little helpless when it comes to all these displays of affection. This is so new to him, and he always fears to mess up.
By putting his arms around Aventurine now, he definitely does not mess anything up, for the man reciprocates the hug and quietly whispers into Ratio's ear: “This must be the first time ever I am happy a ‘game’ is over because reality is so, so much better than any thrilling gamble could ever be.”
Taking advantage of their size difference, Ratio presses a kiss onto Aventurine's head. When he thinks about his words, they make him happy, too. He has always been sure that the reckless gambler had been in need of something truly meaningful to fill a void in himself Ratio still knows very little about but is determined to find out more about. He would not have expected himself to be the one to be able to help fill this void, but if that is the case, he feels honored.
Funny enough, while the gambler of all people is glad about a game’s end, Ratio is happy that he was persuasive enough to make him join this game in the beginning. Dr. Veritas Ratio does not engage in games (the only exception to this rule being chess), and he definitely does not enjoy them. Looking back, this game had everything he despises: it was about concealing truths, deceiving people and playing with emotions, and it has made them both suffer unnecessarily. And still, Ratio does not regret playing along.
Some would argue that it was a detour, that the interest in each other had been there all along, and while he assumes that they are right - they definitely are for himself, and judging by the gambler’s words, he is no different - they fail to see the bigger picture: How would a man as devoted to science - and probably the least romantic person around - and a man as torn between his love for the next thrill and his terrified fear of losing yet another important thing find any mutual ground in their respective realities?
There can only be one answer: they wouldn't. So it is with conviction that he can now give Aventurine his answer: “I never believed in the concept of gamified learning, but I guess I have to re-evaluate my position. It worked pretty well for us, don't you think?”
It makes Aventurine laugh wholeheartedly: “You're unique, doctor!” he says, still chuckling. When he has calmed down, he places his arms around Ratio's neck and pulls him into another kiss. This time, it is less slow than the ones before. Bolder. More playful.
This playfulness is also mirrored in his eyes when he breaks the kiss and looks at Ratio from up very, very close: “If you like the concept, I think I might have some more ideas on games I'd like to show you.” he teases, and even with his lack of… intersocial experience, Ratio gets exactly what he is hinting at.
A fine smile on his face, the doctor leans over and kisses Aventurine back, only to break the kiss when he feels how the gambler is getting eager: “Haste makes waste.” he teases him. “However, I'm looking forward to it - in the right place, at the right time.”
It seems to remind Aventurine of where they are - which, right now is in the snow in Ratio's parents’ dooryard - and he gives him an apologetic grin.
“I guess patience is a virtue I still need to learn, huh?”
Given his body's reaction to what the gambler just did, Ratio can only reply honestly: “Well,I fear that this time, I am not in the position to teach you.”
Ratio's parents always praise him for having been a good kid, but even a good kid is sometimes up to no good, so Ratio remembers exactly where the blind angles where his parents won't see them from the house are located. Without further ado, he grabs one of Aventurine's gloved hands and pulls him into one of those spots.
“Go ahead.” he encourages. “Show me whatever you wanted to show me with that tongue of yours just now.”
Aventurine does not hesitate to show him by pulling him into another, very passionate kiss - and by the aeons, this is addictive .
When they go back to the house a little later, the two of them do not look half as frozen as they should look like after such a long time out in the cold. Ratio’s father is looking up at them from his morning newspaper lecture with his eyebrows raised and his mother gives them an amused glance, but Ratio could not care less. This is no longer a game they are playing, so he is unwilling to behave like a diligent actor any longer. So, when Aventurine hesitantly grabs his hand under the kitchen table, he squeezes it back with firm determination. They may still be at the beginning of their joint path, they may even stumble and fall, but Ratio is absolutely sure that, in the end, everything will turn out just fine.
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Bonus - Postface:
Meanwhile, Ratio’s parents when they are alone:
Clementius (wondering): How long did you say they have been dating? Whatever happened last night? They behave like they just had their first time?!
Callista (lovingly): You know our son is a little bit of a late bloomer when it comes to this. It’s really cute to see, don’t you agree? He reminds me of you back when we first met.
Clementius: coughs uncomfortably
Callista: giggles cheekily