Chapter Text
Way too soon, they were back in their house, where a pissed Wisdom waited for their return.
“I already knew you make stupid decisions, but that one?! That’s the stupidest of all!”
Moiraine didn’t even look at the young woman. Rage pulsed in her veins, but she refused to answer Nynaeve. It would only end in another argument, and Moiraine’s head wasn’t well enough to have a proper discussion with her opponent.
“Calm down, Nynaeve. Nothing happened.”
Luckily, Lan didn’t have a problem to talk to Nynaeve. He closed the door with his foot behind them, then carried her to bed. Would he throw out Nynaeve like he promised? Or would he allow her to stay?
“But it could have! It’s not safe out there for you two. The announcement is still active, and everyone wishes to get the money.”
“We know that, Nynaeve.”
“I know you do, but I don’t think she-“
“That’s enough.” Carefully, the Malkieri placed the Cairhien woman on the bed. “She is sick and confused. We don’t know what Lanfear’s poison did to her, so give her time.”
The Wisdom looked like she would explode any second. She grabbed her braid and pulled it angrily. “This is simply-“
“Maybe it’s best if you leave Moiraine to me.” Lan grabbed the blanket and covered Moiraine’s legs. “I will give her the tea so she will rest.”
“You throw me out?!”
Sighing, Lan straightened. “You clearly can’t be in the same room as her, and I’m too tired to keep you two from strangling each other.”
Hissing, Nynaeve stepped before the Warder, glaring at him. “I’m the Wisdom. You asked for my help, and I help her as best as possible, but I didn’t mention I would be nice. Now, step aside and let me work.”
Moiraine was surprised when Lan didn’t move. What would he do if Nynaeve tried to pass him? He would never fight her.
Apparently, the Wisdom wanted to know the same thing because she tried to step around the Malkieri, but he simply moved and blocked her way. It didn’t work well with her.
“Do you want her to feel better? I can’t do anything about the poison, but at least I can try to lower her fever.” This time, Lan threw a glance at Moiraine, and she felt him waver. Immediately, Nynaeve kept pushing. “Or you send me out and let her suffer. It’s up to you.”
The uncrowned king of Malkier growled. “Help her. But if I think you cross a line, I will throw you out. She has a fever and fights against the poison. I won’t let her listen to your accusations or insults.”
Moiraine almost groaned. She had really hoped Lan wouldn’t give in to Nynaeve. But the young woman knew how to push his buttons to get what she wanted.
Lan stepped aside, and Nynaeve sat on the bed. The young woman from the Two Rivers grabbed Moiraine’s head and started to press gently, searching for injuries. “Tell me when it hurts.”
The Aes Sedai grimaced. “How about my whole body is in pain?” Then she pushed Nynaeve’s hands away when her headache suddenly spiked. “And my head is especially not doing well,” she hissed.
Nynaeve only hesitated for a moment, then continued her examination by moving on to Moiraine’s shoulders and arms. “You need to drink more and rest, then the headache will fade. Running around won’t help against the pain.”
Angrily, the Cairhien woman glared at the Malkieri, who told her with his eyes to stay calm. She wanted Nynaeve to leave. The Wisdom didn’t care about her!
Once she was done with her examination, Nynaeve lifted three fingers in the air. “How many fingers do you see?”
Again, Moiraine glared at Lan. Her head was killing her. Why did she have to endure such stupid questions?
“Don’t look at Lan. He can’t help you right now. How many fingers do you see?”
Sighing, Moiraine returned her eyes to Nynaeve’s fingers, then smiled sweetly. “Five.”
Nynaeve’s eyes widened, and she stared at her fingers in disbelief. “Five?”
“Moiraine,” Lan growled in a warning tone. Obviously, he had seen through Moiraine’s answer.
But the woman of the Blue Ajah shrugged her shoulder. “What? She asked me how many fingers I see. I see five. If she wants to know how many fingers she holds up, then the answer is three.”
Nynaeve’s face turned red when she also realized what Moiraine had done. “I really don’t understand how you can stand her, Lan,” she said through gritted teeth. Then she grabbed Moiraine’s wrist and searched for her pulse. “Is there anything else I should know about? - Except for your headache and your body being in pain?”
Something else? Moiraine almost laughed. Her mind was still processing that it had been tricked by the daughter of the night while her heart longed for her husb- Carefully, Moiraine shook her head since she didn’t trust her voice and feared the First Oath would stop her.
“Fine.” The Wisdom got to her feet. “I have to go to the infirmary now, but I’ll return in the evening.” She faced Lan. “Ensure she drinks that tea. Her body won’t be able to heal without rest.”
“I will.”
“Don’t let her blind you. She isn’t doing good, and you also need to sleep. Drink some of the tea, too. I want to hear from you that you slept while I was gone.”
“I hear you. Thank you for checking on her.”
Nynaeve snorted. “I don’t do it for her.” Then she grabbed her pouch and left the house without looking at Moiraine again.
It was a relief when the door finally closed behind the young woman from the Two Rivers. Immediately, Moiraine pushed back the blanket. She had to figure out what had happened during her absence and how to continue. She had spent months in that other world, while Lan and Nynaeve mentioned only weeks had passed since Lanfear poisoned her. What had she missed? What-
“Not a chance.” Moiraine had barely swung a leg out of bed when Lan appeared, pushing her legs back and pulling the blanket over her again. “No more running. You collapsed out there. I won’t let you kill yourself.”
The Cairhien woman didn’t try to fight the Malkieri. She was too weak to free herself. Instead, she tried a different approach. “Where is Rand?”
“Still safely hidden. Nynaeve and the other kids don’t give up his location.”
“Then how do you know he is still safely hidden? What if he got attacked while you were here with me?” Panic rose in Moiraine’s chest. She couldn’t lose the Dragon Reborn! “I need to speak to him.”
“Not now.”
“Yes. Now! Get out of the way!” Calmly, Lan waited, not moving one inch. He wouldn’t let her pass. Moiraine growled. “I mean it, Lan. Get out of the way.”
There was still no answer, but the Malkieri’s body language did all the talking. He wouldn’t move out of the way, no matter what she did or said.
Angrily, Moiraine searched for a way out of that situation. There had to be a way to distract Lan. The man couldn’t stay there forever. Light! Why hadn’t she thought about finding Rand when she had left the house? Lan had been distracted by Nynaeve.
Because your body wasn’t strong enough, she thought bitterly. You barely survived a few minutes within the crowd. How do you imagine walking through the streets, not knowing where the boy is?
“Moiraine.” Lan’s voice was quiet. He cupped her cheek, pulling her face back to him. “Please. You just woke up. Give yourself time to recover.”
“Rand-“
“Nynaeve and Egwene would tell us if they were worried about him. I know they pay him a visit regularly.”
Nynaeve. Moiraine wasn’t so sure Lan’s lover would inform her about anything regarding the Two River kids.
Egwene… maybe she could ask Egwene where Rand was hiding. They needed to get out of the city. If Siuan’s announcement was still active, and Moiraine had been unconscious for weeks… How many Aes Sedai were already riding toward Falme? How many Red Sisters were among them, ready to gentle the Dragon Reborn?
“Peace, Moiraine.”
Peace, my love. A memory appeared before her eyes. Lan – her husband – who smiled at her with love.
“Enough with the heavy thinking.” Lan’s hands grabbed her head, then his thumbs started to rub circles against her temples.
The Cairhien woman winced when the pain of her headache increased, and a whimper escaped her lips before she tried to pull the Malkieri’s hands away. However, Lan continued with his movements, and surprisingly, the pain faded.
After a moment, Moiraine’s eyes closed, and she stopped thinking about Nynaeve, and Rand, and Lanfear, and the Aes Sedai. All that mattered was the wonderful feeling of her headache getting better. She had no idea how Lan did it but was thankful for it.
“There you go.” Slowly, Lan lowered Moiraine’s head until it hit the pillow.
Immediately, the Cairhien woman opened her eyes, trying to push the Malkieri off her. “No,” she whispered tiredly. “I can’t sleep.”
“You have to. Your body is exhausted.” Gently, the uncrowned king of Malkier held her hands down and pulled the blanket over her until she couldn’t move anymore. Then, he got up and went for the prepared tea. “You can’t do anything in your condition right now, Moiraine. Your feet refuse to carry you, and it’s hard to think with a headache. Rest now, and afterward, we’ll see how you’re doing.”
Tiredly, Moiraine watched Lan how he got her a cup of tea. She knew he was right. Her body wasn’t doing well and needed rest. But how could she sleep with everything that had happened? Her mind was still not over what she had experienced in Lanfear’s nightmare, and her body… her body longed for Lan’s touch.
Ashamed, the Aes Sedai closed her eyes and pulled her knees to her chest. Lan wasn’t her husband. He was her Warder and in love with Nynaeve. How long would it take for her body to understand that it had been lied to? All those feelings, all those touches… none of it had been real. She and Lan had never bedded each other. They had never kissed. They had shared a bed countless times during their travels but never became intimate.
Moiraine’s heart ached, and she realized her body wasn’t the only part that got betrayed. Lanfear’s nightmare was a terrible punishment for trying to kill the daughter of the night. She hadn’t just fooled Moiraine’s mind and body but also her heart. The Cairhien woman missed her husband! She missed their life in Fal Dara. She missed-
“Moiraine?” The uncrowned king of Malkier was back, pressing his hand on her small back. “What is it? Shall I call Nynaeve to return?”
Dear light! Was he serious?! Moiraine was glad the young woman had finally left them. She didn’t want Nynaeve to return.
The smell of herbs filled Moiraine’s nose, and she opened her eyes. Lan had a cup in his hands. Suddenly, the thought of sleeping wasn’t so bad anymore. She could think about her fake husband in her dreams. No one could judge her for her dreams, right?
“Are you in pain? Do you need me to get you-“
Moiraine lifted her upper body, grabbed the cup, and emptied it all at once. Lan looked at her in surprise – his mouth open because she had cut him off mid-sentence – when she returned the cup. Obviously, he hadn’t expected that.
“I drank it.”
There was still no word from Lan. Carefully, Moiraine lay down again and turned her back on Lan, though her body protested against the movement. Maybe it would help her not to look at him. She had to get those images out of her head! Lan wasn’t her husband! She had to stop thinking about him!
The Malkieri stood up, but the Cairhien woman didn’t turn around. It didn’t matter where he went. Maybe he would also go to sleep. Would he drink a cup of tea himself? Would he wait until Moiraine fell asleep? What was he doing while he waited? Was he watching her? Wondering what she was planning next?
Cursing inwardly, Moiraine realized she couldn’t stop thinking about Lan, though she told herself she shouldn’t care. Why couldn’t she hear him? Should she turn around? Maybe something happened to him? Nynaeve had mentioned Lan hadn’t eaten much and barely slept. Did he collapse by the fire? But she would have felt it if he had hurt himself.
“Moiraine.”
The gentle touch of Lan’s hand on her shoulder made her turn. When did he move? She hadn’t heard him. Had he been standing behind her the entire time? Was it possible he hadn’t left at all?
“What can I do?”
Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. She didn’t know what Lan was talking about. Was he asking about her plans? Did he want to know what their next step was? But he wanted her to sleep. Surely, it couldn’t be that. But what else could he mean?
Sighing, the uncrowned king of Malkier sat on the bed. “Your thoughts are running, and your feelings… they’re a total mess. It has never been so hard to understand what you need from me. How can I help? Is there anything I can do to calm your thoughts?”
Her feelings. Finally, the woman of the Blue Ajah understood what he was talking about. Her Warder couldn’t read her. It was like her brain, body, and heart were all speaking a different language at the same time, and Lan couldn’t decipher what she needed of him.
“It’s a lot to process,” Moiraine finally said. She couldn’t tell him about Lanfear’s nightmare. She couldn’t tell him that he had been her husband – that they had been married. What would he think of her?
Lan opened his mouth, then closed it again. Surprised, Moiraine watched him doing that a few times. The man always considered his words, but she didn’t remember ever seeing him speechless. Worried, she touched his hand. She didn’t like seeing him like that. “What is it?”
A heavy sigh escaped his lips while he softly took her hand. Finally, he licked his lips and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. His eyes stayed on their connected hands. “Would you mind… would it be alright…?” Another heavy sigh escaped him. Blood and ashes! What did he want to ask her?! “I know everything feels weird right now, and… you need to process a lot, but… would it be alright if I hold you? – While you sleep?”
Relief washed over Moiraine, and she almost laughed. Lan was worried she wouldn’t like him holding her? When had she ever denied him that?
“I’d like that very much.”
The smile on Lan’s face warmed Moiraine’s heart. That man had spent weeks beside her bed, fearing for her life, and in return, Moiraine almost killed him when she awoke.
The uncrowned king of Malkier stood, then got rid of his shoes and weapons. Moiraine’s body protested when she moved to make some room for Lan in bed. It wasn’t a big bed, and she missed the bed she and her husband had owned in Fal Dara. There had never been a problem for two people to sleep in it.
Blood and ashes! Will you stop calling Lan your husband?! You’re not married! Lanfear created that world for you to play with your mind!
Moiraine wanted to slap herself. What was wrong with her? Why was it so hard for her to shake that nightmare?
Lan didn’t protest that there was not much space for both of them. Instead, her Warder spooned her from behind, pressing his warm, muscular body against her small one. He didn’t even move under the blanket with her.
“Can I wrap my arm around you?”
“I won’t break when you touch me, Lan.”
“I know.” Hesitantly, the Malkieri placed his arm over her waist, then buried his nose in her dark locks. “It’s just… your feelings are a mess, and I don’t want to cross a line. I want you to get better and not to be scared of me.”
Moiraine’s eyes started to burn. How did she deserve such a man in her life? “I’m not scared of you,” she responded quietly. “It’s… Lanfear… and what she did to me. I need to process it all, but my head is killing me momentarily.”
Lan pulled her closer, sending her his love through the bond. “Give yourself some time. You can’t beat the fever, the headache, and your weak body all at once while thinking about Lanfear’s motive. Let’s sleep first before we try to solve the riddle.”
The woman of the Blue Ajah nodded. Slowly, Nynaeve’s tea started to work now that Lan was with her. Moiraine’s body began to calm down and gave in to sleep because of his presence. Yet, something felt strange, and it took her a moment before she finally noticed what it was.
“Would you please move under the blanket?”
“You’re not feeling well, Moiraine. You need-“
“Do I really have to beg?”
Silence filled the room, and Moiraine assumed Lan had chosen to ignore her request. But when she tried to free herself from his embrace to rearrange the blanket, the uncrowned king of Malkier sighed.
“Alright. I will move under the blanket. Will you please sleep then?”
“Yes.”
Lan growled but stayed true to his word. He lifted Moiraine’s blanket and crawled under it. Contently, the Aes Sedai snuggled closer against her Warder. When he spooned her again and had his arm around her once more, she finally gave up the fight against sleep.
Hopefully, she would still be in Falme when she awoke.