Work Text:
Horus had an annoying habit of complaining. It wasn’t an occasional thing, or even a seasonal thing; it almost seemed like a second calling.
Ares, sitting with his feet up on the table in the modest temple of Horus (if a temple of one of the most important figures in Egypt could be called “modest”) that served as their meeting place, tilted his head to the side, looking at the Egyptian sun god with an expression that was a mix of weariness and disbelief.
“So what did he do?” Ares asked, with the exasperated tone of someone who already knew the answer but felt that etiquette demanded the question. It was as if the universe had decided that listening to Horus complain about Seth was part of his cycle of eternal punishment. Not even Sisyphus could have endured it.
“He dared to say that I cheated and challenged me again. Again!” Horus exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air as if this illustrated the impending apocalypse. His golden robe fluttered with the exaggerated movement, his eyes sparkling like the first rays of the sun. "I don't understand how anyone can be so annoying, so... so devoid of any shred of honor!"
Ares blinked slowly.
"Are you telling me that after centuries of epic battles, disputes over thrones, and family intrigues, your current complaint is that Seth... challenged you? Should that be a surprise?!"
"Yes!" Horus replied, not noticing the Greek god's sarcastic tone. "I mean, no! That's not the point! The point is that Seth is an idiot! He's the one scheming and cheating, and whenever I beat him at his little games he just says I cheated and comes back with another annoying plan! And he tried to steal my sunlight; the symbol of all that is sacred in Egypt! It's an outrage! An affront!"
"I didn't even know that could be stolen." Ares muttered, more to himself than to his divine companion. “Have you ever stopped to think,” Ares began, raising an eyebrow, “that he just wants to piss you off. Because, you know, that’s what Seth does. The guy seems to live for your attention!”
Horus narrowed his eyes.
“My attention? More like he lives to piss me off! And that’s exactly what makes him even more insufferable! He has no limits. No matter how many times I beat him, he always comes back, with a cynical smile and that look of someone who thinks it’s all a big game, always pissing me off. Again. Again. And again!”
Ares drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair, thinking. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand. Ares had his rivals, or counterparts, too (cof* Athena *cof); all the gods did, in some way. Or at least most of them did. But there was something peculiarly theatrical about Horus and Seth’s rivalry. It was like watching a play that never ended, with the same characters reciting the same lines over and over again while the audience wondered why no one had walked out halfway through the second act.
“Look, Horus,” Ares began, leaning forward, “have you ever thought about, I don’t know, settling this once and for all? Like, dropping all that posturing and just kissing him?”
Horus gasped, nearly dropping the wine glass he was holding. “Kiss him?! Kiss. Him?! Have you lost your mind, Ares? This is Seth, chaos personified, the serpent disguised as a man - not literally, but anyway! Why would I do something so ridiculous?”
“Because,” Ares replied with a tone of exaggerated obviousness, “you clearly have some unresolved tension that’s gone from annoying to embarrassing. If you’re not going to kill each other outright, at least kiss and see what happens.”
The silence that followed was almost palpable. Horus glared at Ares as if he had suggested that Osiris leave the underworld to open a fruit stand in the Theban market.
"You are delusional," Horus finally declared. "This has absolutely nothing to do with... with… this kind of tension! Seth is simply insufferable. He needs to be stopped!"
"Stopped, or perhaps just understood? Or loved?" Ares suggested, hiding a smile behind his chalice. He knew exactly how Horus would react.
“Beloved? Beloved?! That guy?” The sun god nearly spat out his own drink, muttering the sentence as if he had heard the greatest madness possible. Finally he shook his head and decided on another point in Ares' sentence.
"Understood?! Do you think I don't understand him? I know him better than anyone! He is selfish, arrogant, and—"
"Obsessed with you?" Ares interrupted, raising an eyebrow. Horus blushed. "That's... That's completely irrelevant. And absurd! He's not obsessed with me. He just... he just can't accept that I'm superior to him. It's simple!"
"Of course, of course," Ares said, waving his hand. "And that's why he spends so much time thinking about you, plotting against you, teasing you... It's not obsession at all. It must just be a peculiar friendship. A quite peculiar friendship~!" He dragged out the last sentence with a teasing smile mid-sip.
Horus opened his mouth to retort, but closed it again, looking uncertain.
"Look, I'm not saying you need to declare undying love or anything," Ares continued, trying to sound reasonable. "But maybe it's time to change your approach. You two have been in this cycle for so long that even mortals would be bored if they had to witness it. And frankly, it's starting to annoy me, too."
Horus huffed, crossing his arms.
"You say that like it's easy. Like he'll just accept any attempt at peace."
"Maybe not," Ares admitted. "But maybe he's waiting for you to make the first move."
Horus looked at him, confused.
"First move? Me?"
"Well, you know," Ares said, gesturing vaguely. "From the way you've described him, Seth seems like the type to have... emotional difficulties? I have no idea, that's an Aphrodite thing. Don't you have a goddess of love to back that up?"
Horus thought of his mother and visibly shivered. There was no way he was going to ask Isis, of all the gods, about Seth's feelings for him. His mother would probably want to chop Seth up. And him too, for daring to have feelings for his… enemy (with lots of quotation marks, maybe? Maybe he was exaggerating?! Still, Horus preferred not to risk it).
“Anyway, you're going to have to be the balanced guy in this relationship, so good luck there.” Ares continued. “Try changing the rules. Do something he doesn't expect.”
Horus frowned, considering. “And do you think that would… work?”
“I don't know,” Ares replied, shrugging. “But it's worth a try. Because honestly, if I have to listen to one more complaint about how he invaded your temple screaming your name for your entire pantheon to hear or some other stupid challenge, I think I'll ask for a transfer to the underworld just to get away from you!”
“Since when are you the sensible guy?!” the Egyptian god asked, genuinely shocked that Ares was being so… reasonable.
Ares shrugged with a half-hearted laugh, tipping his goblet again. “I have my moments.”
Horus sighed, looking defeated.
“I’ll think about it. But just to be clear: that doesn’t mean I agree with you.”
“Sure, sure,” Ares said, with a satisfied smile. “But I’ll be waiting to hear how it went. And who knows, maybe you’ll even surprise me with some good news.”
Horus rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide the slight smile that threatened to appear. Maybe Ares was right after all. Maybe it was time to change the rules.
Of course, that meant admitting that he felt something for Seth other than anger and frustration. Which meant exposing himself more than he would have liked to someone who might just be trying to exploit a possible weakness. But maybe… maybe, things could change, who knows?
And if nothing else, it would at least be interesting to see Seth’s reaction.