Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I stare at him, at Evan Hansen. His friend Jared Kleinman had just said something insensitive and he’d laughed. Why’d he laugh? Did he think I was a joke? Did he see me like everyone else? Violent, sick, rude, unstable. On instinct my face heats up and i yell, “What the fuck are you laughing at?” he froze up, i felt guilty but like always i was already in too deep. “Stop fucking laughing at me,”i continued. “I’m not,” he mutters, he’s not. “You think I’m a freak?” i felt my eyes get red hot like i was gonna tear up. “No. I don’t—” “I’m not the freak.” i cut him off. “I didn’t—” he stammers “You’re the fucking freak.” and that's it, I shoved him. I shoved Evan Hansen. He’s on the floor. I look at him for a second before storming off, shoving past his stupid friend. I sigh and go to a lonely lunch table and sit down with a sigh deciding against lunch i suppose. I wasn’t that hungry i think the combo of Jared’s comment and my first real intraction with Evan fucking Hansen was me yelling at and shoving him. I see my sister Zoe help Evan up and she’s probably saying something about how I'm the worst. Then I see her approaching me. Shit. she plops down in the seat across from me.

“What the hell was that about?” I sigh, avoiding eye contact. “He laughed at me,” I grumble “his stupid friend said something shitty and he fucking laughed.” She rolls her eyes. “Connor, I doubt he was laughing at you, I don't think he has a bad bone in his body.” she's probably right but yet again i’m in too deep. he was probably just anxious.” She sounds fed up with me but to be fair I would be too. “Doesn’t change that he laughed.” God, I need to shut up. She sighs “ugh, you’re impossible. I'm done with this.” She gets up and walks away, she’s the only one that doesn't put up with my bullshit just because i’m ‘not ok’. I stare at the table for a minute longer then I get up and leave. God, I'm an idiot. I leave the lunchroom keeping my eyes on my boots slightly stomping on the floor. I continue stomp-walking till I find a bathroom and lock myself in a stall.

My stupid mind couldn't stop replaying the scene from before. Evan, his scared muttering, his tensed up body, his free hand fidgeting with the ends of his cast. He was all I could think about as I paced the stall (it was the disabled stall which i didn't really need which made me feel bad i just needed the pacing room). After a bit of pacing I realize I'm getting dizzy and sit down on the gross floor against the wall. I can't tell if it's from pacing in basically a circle or because I haven't eaten and I'm more likely to faint or at the very least get dizzy now. It's gotten me out of a few gym classes which is good I suppose.

After a bit I hear someone walk in and I freeze up. Shit. I stare at the ground and at the shoes of the person. Grey sneakers. The same grey sneakers that I knocked off their position on the floor today. Evan’s grey sneakers. Evan was mumbling, he couldn't make out what but he was mumbling, he paces around his grey sneakers making soft noises on the floor. I shift my position so i can see him through the crack in the door (which probably makes me seem like a creep but whatever)

He approaches the sink and stares rather intensely in the mirror, his face is sorta red and his eyes look wet. Maybe he actually wasn’t laughing at me. He continues staring and shit i think he’s actually crying. He turns on the faucet and starts splashing his face. Is he ok? Once he’s done splashing himself presumably to calm down he stands there for a bit longer trying to calm down, he wipes his hands a lot. Eventually he leaves. I stay for just a second giving him time to get away from the bathroom so he doesnt realize someones in there with him then I bolt. Eventually I ran past him and he looked surprised.

I hideout in a spot in the computer lab where no one can find me until i see Evan walk in, fuck. He doesn't see me and just goes to do something I don't know what when he gets a call. I can't quite make out what he’s saying so I look down at the floor when i hear the printer and look over and there’s a long ass letter. I pick it up and see the words “Dear Evan Hansen” in a bigger font than the rest of the words and decide I shouldn't snoop, stuff it in my hoodie pocket, and head over to evan. He flinches, I decide I should try to make conversation. That's how you make friends right?

“So,” I say “What happened?” I ask hoping he knows what I'm talking about. “Excuse me?” he does not. I look down at his arm “Your arm.” He looks down as well. “Well,” I think he’s hesitating.
I was working as an apprentice park ranger this summer at Ellison Park, and one morning I was doing my rounds, and I saw this amazing forty-foot-tall oak tree, and I started climbing it, and I just—fell. But it’s actually a funny story, because there was a good ten minutes after I fell when I was just lying there on the ground, waiting for someone to come get me. ‘Any second now,’ I kept thinking. ‘Any second now.’ But yeah, nobody came, so…” I stare at him as he rambles. (god he’s a mess) once he’s finished i laugh because what the hell was even that story? He looks very confused and maybe a bit upset. “You fell out of a tree?” i ask “That is the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” I smirk. I think he nods a bit.

He looks complete opposite to me, short dirty blond hair, a face covered in freckles, and he’s wearing a bluish collared shirt with darker blue stripes, khaki type pants and those damn grey sneakers. “Take my advice,” i say finally realizing i was definitely staring at him WAY too long, “You should make up a better story.” he nods “Yeah, probably,” I stare at the floor, deciding I stared at him too much and he’s probably uncomfortable. “Just say you were battling some racist dude.” my voice is quite a bit quieter now “What?” “To kill a mockingbird,” he looks a bit confused for a moment. “To kill—oh, you mean the book?” shit he’s kinda cute when he stumbles over words like that. “Yeah,” by now i was looking back at him.. “At the end, remember? Jem and Scout are running away from that redneck guy. He breaks Jem’s arm. It’s, like, a battle wound.” aaannnndd now I'm rambling about books again. This is a piece in the long list of why I don't talk to people. I push a bit of my hair (which does not need to be cut, thank you Cynthia) behind my ear. I continue looking at him before noticing his blank cast

“No one’s signed your cast.” He looks at it as well and I shrug. “I’ll sign it.” i think i should be proud thats the most effort i’ve put into a friend. “Oh.” he says, “You don’t have to.” shit he doesn't want me to. I think about giving up but for once decide against it, “Do you have a Sharpie?” i ask and he hands me one. I bite the cap off and take ahold of his arm and bring it to where i can write it and write my name in obnoxiously large all caps letters across most of it for some unknown fucking reason. Probably because im stupid. “Voilà,” I say and nod with a little hint of a smile. He doesn't look the most pleased. “Wow. Thank you. So much.” i spit the cap out and put it on the sharpie and hand it back to him. “Now we can both pretend we have friends.” i can’t tell how he feels about the comment, damnit i feel like i fucked this up. “Good point,”

Then i remember the paper in my pocket, I took it out, “By the way,” ‘Dear Evan Hansen.’ That’s you, right?” Maybe asking if it's him makes me seem less creepy than if I already knew it was him. . “Oh, that? That’s nothing. It’s just this writing thing I do.” he snatches it looking rather embarrassed. “You’re a writer?” writers are hot. “No, not really. It’s not, like, for pleasure.” he rambles and basically sprints away.

“...ooohhkaaayyy..?” I mutter a bit confused and walk away. After that I decide to just ditch the last few classes and go home. Once I get home I lock myself in my room and lie down. I did it, I talked to Evan Hansen.

Chapter Text

Zoe and I have a very on/off relationship, I'd say sometimes we’re ok but she's also one of the only people that does not handle my shit so we fight a lot . Sometimes I wonder what it woulda been like if I was normal. Then I get sad, then angry. Sometimes I consider just trying to have a normal conversation with her but I doubt she’d take it. I can hear her from my bedroom. She’s messing around with her guitar. It sounds good.

I lay on my bed staring at my ceiling, my head hurts because me and Cynthia (my mother) got in an argument because she wants me to get a haircut or at least put it up because apparently it looks “gross and unprofessional” and i told her that’s bullshit.so we had our usual argument and i went upstairs and told her i bet she’d only care if i died because it would give our family a bad look. Which in my head is true but to be honest I sorta regret it. But I don't feel bad enough to apologize. Now she’s downstairs loudly saying passive aggressive stuff to Larry (my dad) so i think i'm changing my mind about regretting it.

Eventually I get fed up and sit up. I grab the book I'm currently reading, slip it under my arm, and a lighter and stuff that in my pocket and put my combat boots on again and leave my room. I head downstairs and see Cynthia and Larry at the table, “where are you going Connor sweetie?” She's so bad at pretending not to be mad. “Out.” I mutter and run my hand through my hair and continue to walk to the door. “See Larry, doesn't he need to cut his hair? It just looks so-” she’s interrupted by me slamming the door out of the house. I make my way down the driveway and see Cynthia looking disapprovingly out the window. I ignore her and storm off until I end up at Ellison Park. I find a spot I deem quiet enough and sit down against a tree and open my book. After a minute I hear a noise that sounds like sniffling and/or crying and look around before I catch a glimpse of something white from the other side of the tree.

A cast, with my name on it. Evan Hansen’s cast. I shift a bit and accidentally make a bit of noise causing the cast and the arm attached and the body attached to the arm to jump a bit, “hello..?” I hear a weak, shaky mumble. I roll my eyes. Not because I don't like him but because I despise the sound of crying. “Calm down” I reply with a bit too much bite in my tone that I regret pretty quickly. “Sorry,” he says. “Why?” I sigh. “I don't know.” I can picture him looking at me for a second then starting to fidget with his cast looking extremely awkward. “You shouldn't be, you did nothing wrong.” “alright.” We sit in silence for a minute before he speaks up. “All this used to be private property,” “huh?” I hear movement and all the sudden he’s sitting slightly closer to me.

He gestures to our surroundings “all this.” I nod “ah.” “Back in the twenties, there was this guy who lived out here with his family. People assume his name was Ellison, but it was actually Hewitt. Ellison is a made-up name.” he rambles on before he stops and looks at me “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I don’t even know you " I roll my eyes but less annoyed. “I didn't tell you I didn't like it. Keep going.” he nods, “Okay, well, what happened was, there was a big fire at John Hewitt’s house and it wiped out everything, including his wife and kids. He couldn’t bear to live here anymore, so he made some sort of deal with the state to have the land turned into a park in his family’s memory. He asked that it be called Ellison. It’s a combination of his wife’s name, Ellen, and his kids, Lila and Nelson.” god he’s cute when he rambles.”how’d you know that?”I can feel my face heating up slightly and I really hope he doesn't notice. “My boss told me” “ahh your boss from when you worked as the apprentice park ranger.” I smirk. His face reddens a bit. “You remember that?” crap should i not have said that? “Uhm yeah. I don't talk to many people so when I do it sticks I guess.” That probably sounded super creepy. “Ah.” he says and scoots a bit closer. I think this is a good thing.

“So what brings you here?” I ask, leaning my head on the tree, “I like trees.” “huh?” He looks over at me. “I like trees, that's why I choose to go here.” i sigh “no i mean like why, what brought you to Ellison Park at 9pm on a monday?” He looks at the floor. “Bad day.” shit. “Was any of it my fault?” he hesitates, “uhm maybe..” I smirk “you don’t have to worry about sounding rude i don't care. I was pretty shitty to you today. Sorry about that.” he has the faintest bit of a smile on his face. “So why else was it a bad day?” I ask , he sighs. “Jared’s parents dropped him off because they were going somewhere and he was being a dick. So I got mad and booked it cause he didn't have his car to come get me.” I smirk “yeah his lazy ass wouldn't run after you.” “Hey don't be a dick,” I sigh, “he’s a dick to me.” he nods. “Yeah but you don't know he could be insecure about that.” I sigh again, “I guess that's true.” “It's true though.” he mutters with a small laugh. “What, that he’s lazy?” “No, that he wouldn't run after me. That's why I did it.” “ahh” he moves a little closer.

“Why are you here?” He looks up at me. “Cause I won't cut my hair.” I roll my eyes. “What?” he looks confused, “i like your hair.” shit im glad its getting dark because i can feel my face heating up. I sigh and shrug “I dunno.” “Is what Jared said getting to you? If so, I can talk to him about it.” he offers, god he’s sweet. I shrug again, I can't believe I'm letting something Jared of all people said bother me. “No, it's not just Kleinman.” I mutter. “Who else then?” “my mother.” he gets a bit quiet for a moment. “I'm sorry.” his voice is quieter. “Why?” I ask, “because it's nice.” I nod a little and look over at Evan. He looks tired. His soft Hazel eyes drooped a bit, his body swaying a little in its sitting position. “You’re tired.” he looks over at me “oh, uh yeah i guess so.” “Do you need to go back to your house?” my voice almost softens. “Nah i have till 11..” his voice drifts off with him as he starts falling asleep.

His head leans against the tree but eventually he goes limp and ends up leaning on me. Sitting down now you’re able to tell he’s a bit taller than me. His head rests on my shoulder which I've suddenly become hyper conscious about how bony it is, and our hairs mix, I feel myself turning bright red. I sit like that awkwardly for a second then I open my book and start reading again. After probably 25 minutes I feel Evan stir. “Mmmm?” he mumbles and I smile a little. I look down and see him open his eyes and seemingly register where he is and what's happening. “I'm sorry!” exclaims and sits up looking panicked. “Hey its fi-” I'm cut off by him repeating apologies and he stands up. “What are you-” and just like that he runs away. And like an idiot, i run after him

Chapter Text

I'm running, too fast for my liking. My head is hurting and my lungs hurt, god i need to stop smoking. I see him ahead of me, his blue shirt blowing in the wind revealing a bit of the freckled skin on his back. After a little bit he stops in front of a small-ish house. He catches his breath and rushes inside. I don't stop running until I'm at his door. I stop and before I can catch my breath I knock on the door. I stand there for probably 30 seconds just trying to breathe before the door opens and I look up and see Evan and Jared. Evan looks surprised and Jared is smirking “Damn Connor, who knew a scrawny guy like you would have such a hard time with running." By now I'm mostly alright so I stand up straight and glare at him. “Fuck off Kleinman.” he rolls his eyes, then Evan speaks up. “Connor?” his voice is confused “why are you here?”

I stare at him quietly but before I can speak my head starts to spin. “Shit.” I mutter and wobble a bit. My ears ring over Evan’s muffled voice but the blur I can see that is his face looks concerned. Aaaannnnd just like that I feel myself blacking out for a second. Once I'm back to the world I realize I’m on the floor,Evan’s on the floor, I'm basically laying on him. And of course Jared’s laughing. “SHIT!” i yell in surprise instantly sitting up in between Evan’s thighs covering my face to avoid looking at him. “I'M SORRY!” I sound panicked. After a second of silence except Jared basically on the floor laughing I hear Evan’s voice. “Are you alright?” I can feel myself fighting tears, this is embarrassing. “I'm sorry” I mumble, now I'm starting to sound like Evan. After a couple seconds I hear him move and in between my fingers I see him sit up. I look at his face. He doesn’t look mad or disgusted, he just looks confused and concerned. By now Jared has sensed that now is not the time to be laughing so he’s shut up. “Jared, go get Connor water.” Evan says. I sigh a little. I hate when people care about me.

“Connor, can you move your hands?” His voice is far softer. After a minute I admit defeat and move my hands down to my lap. “What happened? Are you ok?” he asks calmly, “uhm..” I mumble. “Connor, do you need to go to the hospital? That’s the main thing I'm asking. My mom’s a nurse. I guarantee if I call her she can help.” “no, don’t call your mom..” I mutter. “Alright, then I won't call my mom.” he nods with a faint smile. “Wanna go inside and sit when Jared comes back?” I nod. He nods in response and scoots closer to me. “Does this happen often?” he asks, still concerned “mhm, i have a fainting disorder.” my voice quiets embarrassed. “Ah, I see.” I look at him, there's no judgment on his face, no hint of skepticism, no hatred, just understanding. “I'm sorry.” “you’re sorry a lot.” I smirk. “Sorry.” i roll my eyes but with no malice this time. “No more sorry Evan.” he sighs and I can tell he wants to apologize again. “Nope, don’t even think about it.”

i’m smiling now despite the fact not even 5 minutes ago i literally fainted on the guy i’ve liked for like a year that doesn't even know me and is probably scared of me. He’s smiling too. A real smile, not the awkward ones I see in his school pictures, not the small nervous ones he gives when he accidentally makes eye contact with teachers, not the look when he has to awkwardly laugh at something shitty Jared says. We’re both smiling and laughing and I think this is what it's like having a friend.

Jared comes back outside with a glass of water but gives it to Evan instead of the person who actually is gonna drink it. That wipes my smile off and I roll my eyes “Thanks Jared.” I say sarcastically Evan rolls his eyes as well and hands me the water. “Actually thank you Evan.” I smirk, he nods and I take a sip. “Wanna go inside then?” Evan asks. “Yeah.” he stands up quickly and with ease, not having to pause for a second to regain his balance or lean on something. Some stupid part of me envies that. He turns around and holds his hands out to me. I shift a bit and grab them, his hands are soft, a little sweaty, but still soft. I get up as “without incident” as I can and we head inside.

“Do you know what you have?” Evan asks once we’re seated on his couch. “My mom does, but she won’t tell me. She thinks hiding my diagnoses will benefit me somehow." I roll my eyes. “I’m s-” he starts before he’s cut off by my phone ringing. It’s Zoe. I sigh and stare at the sorta cracked screen for a minute before I answer the call

C: “Hey zo.”
Z: “Don’t ‘hey zo’ me asshole.”
C: “What?”
C: “Are you still mad about the Evan thing? If so, don't worry, we made up, I think.”
Z: “That’s not what I'm mad about.”
C: “Then what is it?”
Z: “Where are you?”
C: “Uhmm”
Z: “Connor.”
C: “Yes?”
Z: “Where. Are. you?”
C: “Uhmm, Evan’s house?”
Z: “Excuse me?”
C: “I'm at Evan’s House.”
Z: “why?”
C: “Good question.”
Z: “Don't get smart with me. Moms already on my ass. Why haven't you answered my texts?”

I look at my phone screen and see 7 notifications from Zoe from the last ten minutes.

C: “I fainted.”
Z: “you did?”
C: “No, I'm lying to you.”
Z: “Connor, I am not in the mood for your jokes.”

I sigh and run my hand though my hair

Z: “Are you alright at least?”
C: “Yeah, I didn't get hurt this time.”
Z: “good. Now give me Evan’s address. I'm picking you up.”
C: “alright.”

After getting Evan’s address from him, Zoe hangs up when she gets in the car leaving me sitting awkwardly on Evan’s couch next to him. “Sorry about earlier.” He sounds very embarrassed. “Why?” I ask. “For falling asleep on you.” I shrug. “I didn't mind. I assume it wasn’t the most comfortable though.” “why?” I smirk, deciding for some reason that now would be my time to properly get back at Jared. “Because unlike some people I'm too bony to be a proper pillow.” I glance up at Jared who obviously catches this “what the hell man!?” He sounds annoyed but I laugh my head off.

After a bit more time (filled with nothing but mild conversation) there’s a knock at the door. I go to get up since I can only assume it's Zoe, but Evan gestures for me to stay seated and gets up to get the door himself. He goes over to the door and opens it “uh hey.” his voice is a lot quieter, i forgot he’s so anxious about people “is Connor here?” She does not sound super pleased but she’s being nice for Evan. “yeah” his voice cracks and i can feel him wishing to disappear, “yes uh he's here sorry.” She walks in and stands there staring at me. “Come on asshole.” I sigh and make my way up and over to her. She turns and walks away without bothering to say anything else and I follow. “Bye Evan.” i say with a small smile.

I slump down in the passenger seat of Zoe’s car and she starts it. “How the hell did you end up at Evan’s house? Was it because you fainted? Also why didn’t you call me or mom or something you know you’re supposed to call one of us when you do." She sounds agitated as hell. It’s true I was supposed to call someone, but I forgot. “No, I fainted after I got to Evan’s house.” she looks confused “aaanndd why were you at Evan’s” i shrug not really wanting to admit i followed him home. She smirks “oh my god were you apologizing for shoving him?” she laughs “damn Connor, Didn’t know you had it in you to be nice.” I roll my eyes. “Fuck you, it wasnt that.” she sighs. “Ok well when you get home mom’s gonna check you again.” fuck me, she does this constantly making sure I haven’t been doing anything self destructive again. “Really? Why?” I grumble. Zoe rolls her eyes. “Cause before you ran off you literally told her she wouldn't care if you died.” I sigh for what feels like the 100th time today. “Oh right.” she sighs and shuts up the rest of the ride.

After an obnoxiously long time of my mom scanning everywhere she’s looked before I sit down on my bed ready to read until I physically can’t keep my eyes open. Then i get a notification from instagram, a DM
11:55 August 12th
@E.Hansen has started a chat with @Con_murphyyy
Evan:
You left this at my place.
Image

He had my book
11:57
Evan:
Didn’t know you were into Percy Jackson
Connor:
Are you making fun of me
Evan:
Sorry.
Connor:
No sorry
Evan:
Anyways i think we have history together on wednesday i'll give it to you then.
Connor:
Alright thanks
Evan:
Goodnight!
Connor:
Night

Chapter Text

Tuesday morning starts with me staring at my ceiling, I can't tell if I slept last night or not. I just know I had a lot of trouble doing so. My alarm is yelling at me and I consider chucking it out the window but decide against it. I sit up and shut it off. I move to the end of my bed to get up when I hear a knock at my door. “what?” I groan. “It’s me.” It's Zoe, “Mom said she wants you to stay home but is gonna be out of town so I have to stay too cause she needs someone to keep on your ass.” I sigh. “Great.” “hey i’m just as excited as you are don’t take it out on me.” she’s right, she does not sound pleased after a few minutes I don't hear anything else so I assume she walked away.

I decide I should go downstairs and get something to eat so I do. Usually staying home I wouldn't care and forget to eat but then i usually faint and if I faint today Zoe will be there and have to tell Cynthia and i don’t need her finding that out. When I get to the kitchen Zoe is down there, she’s mixing something and it smells good. I walk past/behind her to grab something and she nudges me. “What?” I mutter, “I’m making pancakes. Do you want any?” “sure.” she nods and i go sit at the table. I pull out my phone and see a notification from instagram, ‘@E.Hansen started following you’ . I click it and it takes me to his profile. His picture is a picture of trees and the sky that looks like it was taken by laying on the ground. He has no posts and his bio just reads “17, HS senior, I like show choir and nature.” I smirk, he’s a show choir kid. I follow him back

After a minute of me sitting Zoe walks over and sets a plate of slightly deformed pancakes down and sits in her usual seat across from me. “Thanks.” I mutter and she nods. We sit in silence and eat for a minute before she speaks up, “why were you at Evan Hansen’s house last night?” I look up. “Uhm” “connor.” she doesn’t sound like she’s fucking around. “Why. were. You. At. Evan’s. House?” I look back down, “long story.” she rolls her eyes. “We have all day.” I sigh and look back at her, she’s leaning closer to me. “Fine, I chased after him.” “what?” “i went to Ellison park and he was there and he talked to me about the park and he told me why he was there and i told him why i was there and then he fell asleep on me but when he woke up he ran so i ran after him cause i’m stupid.” I look back down again. I hear nothing but Zoe seemingly attacking her plate then a bit of a laugh.

“You followed him home?” I groan. “Yes, ok. I did, I followed Evan Hansen home! I'm weird and a creep and he hates me and he’ll never ever wanna talk to me and he’s never gonna like me and I’m stupid for thinking he will, I know!” she’s quiet, I think she’s eating, or judging me, probably both. “I didn’t say any of that Connor.” her voice is sorta softer. “But you thought it.” I look up and she rolls her eyes. “Says who?” I shrug. “Connor, listen. Was following Evan home a stupid idea? yeah probably. But will he hate you? Definitely not. You’re overthinking it. Evan is a sweet guy, he only ran away because he was nervous I guarantee you. He does that a lot.” “What, fall asleep on people?” she rolls her eyes. “No dipshit. Runs away when he’s nervous.” I remember when he took that letter and ran away. “Yeah, I guess he does.”

We sit and eat in silence for a few minutes and then she speaks up again. “So, you like Evan then?” I feel my face heating up. “No!” she smirks “well first off you’re bright red, second you said “he’d never like me and I’m stupid for thinking he will.”, and third nobody just follows the guy that fell asleep on their shoulder home for no reason, especially you.” I sigh “uughhh it’s nothing, it's just a stupid little crush.” she smirks. “Don’t worry Connor, I'll help you.” I roll my eyes. “I don't need help Zo.” she does some dramatic sigh accompanied by her pushing her plate to the side and leaning towards me on the table. “Come OOONNNN connor, I’ve always wanted to help you get someone pllleeeaaaseee. Plus I know you really like him.” my face heats up a little at the last sentence. “Fine.” I mutter and she cheers.

We sit in silence for a while and once shes finished eating and I'm staring at the remaining pancake on my plate contemplating whether or not it’ll be eaten she speaks up again, “Since when were you not a dick?” that question hurts but it’s true, I’m an asshole especially to her I shrug. “Since when did you tolerate me?” She laughs a little and I laugh too. “Hm, so you’re changing then.” “sorry.” “I didn’t say it was bad, I like this new side of you.” “yeah?” she smiles getting up to rinse off her plate and put it in the sink. “Yeah.” I nod, “I like this new you too, less snarky.” she rolls her eyes but she’s still smiling. “Don’t make me take it back.” I put my arms up in surrender and we both laugh. I like this new side of our relationship, no fighting, no ignoring, no snarky remarks, no me yelling, just us being nice and getting along.

Chapter Text

Wednesday rolls around and I get up begrudgingly, my only hope being I’m getting my book back, and talking to Evan. I dig through my closet and find a random ass shirt and a pair of jeans and slip my usual black hoodie over top, it reeks slightly of smoke but there’s no way I can get that off. I sigh and get socks and shoes on and head into the bathroom. I stand in the mirror for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out my hair and then I move on to my eyeliner. I’ve decided today I'm gonna look actually good for once. For evan. I go back to my room and grab my bag and head downstairs, there Cynthia is making coffee. “Connor, hon, don’t forget breakfast.” She keeps insisting I fainted because I didn't eat dinner that night. I doubt it’s the only reason but I'll humor her till she’s over it. I nod and grab a thing of pop tarts and wait for Zoe. She heads downstairs while I'm halfway through my second and gets a bowl of cereal.

I sit down in the passenger seat and Zoe gets in the driver's seat and starts her car. “You brushed your hair.” she states with a smirk. “And?” I roll my eyes. “You never do that. What’s the occasion?” I sigh, “does there have to be one?” “for you? Yes.” I groan. “Is it Evan?”she smirks and bounces her eyebrows. “Shut up!” she laughs “aww you’re looking presentable for him.” I roll my eyes, flip her the finger and open my phone to see another instagram notification.

7:12 AM August 14th
Evan:
I have your book.
Connor:
Ok
Evan:
History is 1st period right?
Connor:
Yea
Evan:
Alright, thank you.
Connor:
Yep

Zoe parks her car at the school and I get out of the car and start heading into the school. I go to my locker. I don’t need anything from it but it's better than having to pace around the hallways several times and get stared at. I rummage around through my empty locker before I hear a familiar voice. “I'm telling you acorn, he’s a creep and a weirdo. he probably came to your house to murder you.” I roll my eyes, it’s Jared. “Well he didn’t murder me.” Evan’s voice is quite a bit softer now than it was yesterday. “Yeah, that's cause he passed out. He was probably low on human blood. You know vampires need that shit to survive. You were probably his next victim.” it’pissing me off how Jared is talking about me but I can't go up and say anything because then they’ll know I was eavesdropping and for once I care. I sigh and continue messing around with the stuff in my locker before ultimately deciding it's bullshit and head to class.

When I get to class I find a desk around the back by the door so I can get the hell outta there easier. I put my bag down ignoring the rather loud sound it made which definitely turns several heads my way and slump down resting my head down in my folded arms. After probably 10 minutes I hear a sound and look up. Evan is sitting down in the seat next to me (we have 2 people desks) . He smiles a bit but he looks terrified.

“I uh i got your book.” he mutters and slides it across the table for me, i take it and put it next to my bag. “Thanks.” seems like we’re not talking about monday night i lay my head back down for a minute deciding if he’s gonna stare at someone it shouldn't have to be me. The bell rings loud and I do a good enough job ignoring it. I think I’m starting to fall asleep and then I hear a small tapping sound. I look over, “uhm, Connor?” his voice sounds concerned, i look up and he almost sighs in relief. “I don't wanna be rude but uh class started and i think the teacher said she doesn't tolerate kids sleeping in her class monday.” I nod and change my position so my arm is propped up on the dest and my head is on my hand.

I look around for a minute before my eye catches on the laptop in front of Evan. it’s silver like most are and it's covered in stickers. I decide a great pastime is to examine his stickers. “The Beatles?” I mutter, he looks up. “Hm?” “your stickers.” I point to his at least 3 Beatles stickers. “Oh yeah, uh they’re my favorite band.” I smirk “never would have guessed.” For a second he looks like he doesnt get the sarcasm but it’s like I can see the gears in his head turn and his eyes light up and he lets out an awkward chuckle. “Yeah.” the teacher starts introducing our first unit or some other bullshit. Evan is actually paying attention somehow which is something I envy from him. I decide reading would be good, especially since I didn't get to yesterday and open it to the bookmark only to see something written in handwriting that looks like it tried its best to be neat directly on the post-it bookmark I've been using “freinds?” below it is Evan’s name, signed with a tiny doodle of a tree.

The rest of the period after that is uneventful until the teacher says we can pick our partners. For a moment dread wallows up in me, damn i hate picking partners because nobody wants to be partners with Connor Murphy, the insane kid. But then I remember the bookmark and turn to Evan, he looks like he’s gonna get sick. “Evan.” he looks up “yeah?” “wanna be partners?” He looks slightly surprised. “Sure.” I nod “cool.” after a minute Mrs. M gets the class to stop talking and starts asking whose partner is who so she can write them down. When she gets to Evan he looks terrified to speak “uhm, I'm with connor.” he says just loud enough to hear and a kid snickers. “Uh ohhh Connor’s gonna make Evan a psycho too.” some kid jabs. “Shut up asshole.” I respond. “Now boys, we will not tolerate any of that here.” Mrs M responds with a slight scowl on her face. The other kid mutters a half assed apology and I say nothing. Evan looks guilty. “Sorry.” I look at him. “Why?” “He said that cause of me.” i shrug “he’d have said that about anyone i was partnered with it doesn't matter.” “That's rude.” I shrug again.

After a second of silence the bell rings. I grab my bag and stand up. Evan grabs his stuff and kinda awkwardly waits for the crowd of people leaving to thin out, I wait too. “I saw the note on my bookmark.” he tenses up. “Yeah?” I nod “yeah.” “I’ll be your friend.” he again looks surprised like earlier. “You will?” “yeah, i mean i fainted on your porch i’m not gonna just ignore you the rest of highschool.” he nods. “Yeah I guess so.” Finally the room is empty and I exit the room with Evan at my side. “What class do you have next?” I am not good at small talk, or talk at all. “Uh, I think, environmental science.” I smirk. “Not even surprised.” he chuckles a little. “What about you?” he asks. “French.” I roll my eyes. “I have to retake a semester since I failed last year.” “hm, I’m sorry.” I roll my eyes and decide this time it’s not worth saying anything. “What lunch do you have?” he asks, “2nd.” “Me too.” Now he’s actually smiling, I crack a small smile as well.

Lunch rolls around and even though he never actually mentioned this as even an idea and he probably doesn’t want to but i decide im going to sit with Evan. I search the cafeteria until I see him sitting awkwardly across from Jared. I roll my eyes, great. But by the time I get there Jared has walked off and Evan is sitting there. Alone, with a lunchbox. “Hey.” I say approaching his table. He looks up “hm?” “Can I sit with you?” “sure.” he smiles a little. I set my tray down and sat in the seat next to him that was occupied by Jared earlier.

We sit in silence for a minute before I decide to speak up, “whaddya got?” “uhm, sunbutter and jelly sandwich.” His voice is super quiet. “Why sunbutter?” he shrugs. I smirk “god that's so you.” “what?” I think he thinks I'm bullying him. “Hey, I didn't say it was bad. There’s just some things that are so, certain people.” I hear him mumble a small “ohhhhh” “like what else?” I smirked this time with a bit of malice. “Like how flat seltzer water is so Jared.” he smiles a little. “I guess so.” I laugh a little, “bullseye! got you to admit he sucks.” he sighs “he doesn’t suck." I groan, “when are you gonna stop defending this asshole?” He looks at the table. “Sorry.” “nope not allowed.” I fake a serious voice. He smiles a little fuck his smile is cute, I smile back, but not with my teeth, never with my teeth. “What do you have?” he asks after taking a bite of his sandwich. “Pizza, it’s like the only edible thing our school has.” “ahhh.”

“So, show choir?” I smirk. His face reddens but his eyes light up, “uh what about it?” “you’re in show choir.” he nods. “Yeah guess I am.” “neeerrrrrdddd” I mutter. “Shut up.” he fake scowls at me then laughs. And for once, everything feels normal.