Chapter Text
Gabi.
When a soft ping sounded from Gabi's lap as she lounged on their couch with the television muted in the background, the sight of an unsaved number caused her stomach to leap into her throat. She couldn't see what it said right away, but something in her knew.
She knew it wasn't just a random number.
She was right.
862-978-0499: Hi, Gabi. This is Rio. I got
your letter and... I was wondering
if you might be able to meet me
at the Blueprint Cafe on Sunday
morning. Whatever time would
work best for you. Please let me
know. Thank you.
Holy fucking shit.
When she penned the letter, Gabi wasn't entirely sure what it was she was hoping for. She wanted to say that she hoped Rio would engage and reach out -- like she was obviously doing -- but some part of her also hoped she would ignore it. It was the part of her that felt like she was betraying the man she loved in this roundabout way.
He was clearly of no mind to be able to entertain the idea of conversing with his biological family, but Gabi had a unique perspective.
The more she watched Nik struggle and suffer, the more she found herself slipping into the shoes of what must have been an opposing party. She did her research, learned what she needed to know, and it tasked her with the comprehension they were probably suffering, too.
Maybe what she was doing would be considered a betrayal to him, but at this point... She didn't really have a whole lot of him left to hold onto.
He was slipping further and further away with every hour that passed and was clearly never going to be the one to reach out without extensive therapy and a deconstruction of his entire life. Understandably, it was going to take him a while to get there. That face alone, however, did not mean that the parents who had already been missing him for twenty-five years deserved to stay in the dark.
They should get to know who he was, even if they couldn't meet him.
Her head lifted, dark locks falling out of her face as she glanced toward their bedroom, not a sound coming from it. Nik was probably sleeping, and if not, he was wallowing in his misery and unwilling to let her help him. Stormy eyes stayed locked on the doorway for a moment longer before they dropped again to the phone in her lap, reading the message for a fifth time.
She shouldn't.
Gabi knew she she shouldn't.
But she wanted to, almost felt like she needed to.
So, she typed her response.
Me: I can do Sunday morning. Is
9:30 okay? I should be able to
make it over there by then,
if it's alright with you. I just
need to figure out the best
way to do it.
When she sent the message, Gabi also did something beyond her own comprehension:
She held her breath.
She only realized she was doing so about twenty seven seconds later when her phone pinged again and she released it in a massive exhale, the tension in her body unlocking instantaneously.
862-978-0499: That would be perfect.
I will see you then. And I will be coming
alone.
862-978-0499: Also... Thank you. For
reaching out. You... There's hope now.
Thank you.
The moment the second text came through, Gabi's eyes filled and overflowed with silent tears. She wanted to sob, to cry, to completely throw herself to the ground in a tantrum of feeling utterly overwhelmed, but she didn't. All she did was sniffle softly, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her sweatshirt sleeve.
If Nik heard her, she would have to explain.
She wasn't ready to do as much quite yet.
Me: No problem. Happy I could
help.
It was nonchalant but entirely feigned. Gabi could have spilled her guts then and there in a text message, but it wasn't the right way to go about it. She needed to physically see with her own eyes the kind of effect the entire ordeal was having on other people, the people who never stopped loving him, looking for him. She needed to meet these women he seemed to be so afraid of. Hell, she still hadn't been able to pry out of him why he'd smashed his laptop and that said something. It said he'd done his own research and did not like what he found.
Gabi told Rio in her letter that she and Nik didn't keep secrets. She meant it, but it was beginning to feel like the tides of change were coming in. Now, he was hiding his emotions and his thoughts from her. He was cocooning inside himself and shutting her out entirely and she could no longer take it. If she had to find his roots before he was able, she could no longer sit on her hands and do nothing.
Gabi loved Nikolai and she meant what she'd said to him the night she placed that stupid fucking DNA test in his hands.
No matter who he was or where he came from, she was still going to love him. And she did. She loved him so much that she could feel herself aching with him, hurting with him, losing themselves to the darkness. She could feel his pain and she fucking hated it. Maybe it wasn't going to change after her coffee with Rio, but at least she would find some peace in knowing she made a slight difference, even if not for him. The misery was simply too much for everyone involved. Finding a way to taper it felt necessary, so she would do what she had to.
Gabi stowed her phone and made them both soup and grilled cheese for dinner. When she returned an hour later for his plate, he was wrapped back up in the comforter and did not move a muscle upon her entry.
Despite the lack of... well, everything, Gabi was at least thankful that one side of the grilled cheese had maybe four bites taken out of it.
At least he was trying to eat.
"I love you," she voiced softly before slipping out of the room to clean up and try to sleep.
Saturday was more of the same dull ache and silence, but Gabi found herself hinging her hope on her meeting the next morning. When it finally came around, she hardly knew how to handle herself.
She woke at 6:13, which wasn't entirely unusual for her but still felt different due to the way her skin was buzzing with an emotion she knew not how to identify. She took a shower, pulled on a camisole, a cardigan, and a pair of dark wash jeans and dusted her face with a light layer of make-up, just enough to hide the bags beneath her eyes and the constant rosiness of her cheeks.
The last thing she needed was to show up looking like she'd been crying for weeks. That most certainly would not make the best first impression.
After leaving Nik with a soft kiss to his still cheek, a quick train ride, and an even quicker cab ride, Gabi found herself wrapped tightly in her cardigan, arms fastened over her middle as though she were trying to protect herself from a non-existent chill in the air.
She was really trying to ward off the immersive waves of guilt that crashed into her with every step she took toward the cafe.
The moment she started to pass the windows, her eyes fell to look through them, scanning the inside of the business. Illogically, they landed on the near corner and landed on the sight of a lone woman, hair dark and chin tucked as she looked at whatever was on her phone. Gabi couldn't see the whole of her face, but she saw enough to match the nose and profile to one of the women she'd found in her research.
It was Rio.
She really had shown up.
Gabi wasn't exactly surprised, but something in her churned and twisted, making her feel sick.
No.
She had to do this.
She had to walk into that cafe, question the woman gently to know for certain it was who she was there to meet, and sit down across from her to try and hold some form of conversation about the man she loved and the crisis he was in.
With the deepest breath she found herself capable of, Gabi pressed onward and entered the cafe.
The older woman's head did not lift and the bell above the door didn't seem to pull at her attention. She was fixated on her phone, leaving Gabi to do most of the work. That was fine, if not a little unnerving.
Slowly, she shuffled to the table, careful to keep her distance in case she'd approached the wrong person.
"Mrs. Harkness-Vidal?" she managed. She tried to make it sound strong, but instead she just sounded like a church mouse, barely a squeak to be heard.
Immediately, the woman's head snapped up and a kind smile warmed her face.
"You must be Gabi."
Rio.
The moment her dark eyes landed on the woman near the corner of the table, Rio wanted to melt. She'd been convincing herself it was all a fluke, that the woman who wrote her that letter would feel too guilty to actually show up. It was poured into every word she wrote; Rio could see just how much she loved their son and how badly it was hurting her to go behind his back.
Yet somehow, Rio understood it without ever having to experience it. She understood that this young woman had loved their son for years and was now watching as a life-shattering revelation was completely tearing him apart. She understood how Gabi felt like this was the only thing she could do to try and find peace in the chaos. Maybe it would prove to be foolish, but admittedly, Rio just wanted to hear someone tell her their little boy was okay, no matter how big he'd grown.
"I am," the young woman replied as she tucked her hair behind her ear. The same hand jutted out, as if to offer a handshake uncertainly. Rio glanced at it for a moment and looked back up to the woman before her.
"May I hug you instead?" she asked softly. When Gabi nodded, Rio pushed up from her chair and wrapped her in a firm embrace, holding her tightly. It made no sense to hug this complete stranger, but Rio was already so thankful for her that she didn't know what to do with herself. She was offering them the smallest glimpse of what they'd been missing for twenty-five years and as a result, it was simply... a lot. She felt the need to at least try to convey just what it meant to her.
Neither of them cried, thank God, but when Rio pulled away, she could see the faint shimmer of tears sitting on the younger woman's lids.
"Thank you, Gabi," Rio voiced softly, giving her shoulders a light squeeze before placing herself at the table and indicating for her to do the same. Once, seated, Rio couldn't help but to take a second and just... study.
She knew what Gabi looked like before she reached out because of the night her, Agatha, and Dani stayed up scouring the corners of the internet for any search of Nicky, but seeing her in person was far different.
She looked tired. She looked like beneath her thin layer of make-up, she'd done quite a bit of crying. She looked confused and worried, like she felt what she was doing by sitting there was somehow wrong. The way her hands shook on the table top made Rio ache; all she wanted was to reach out and place her own over them to try and calm her, but the hug had been enough as it was.
The fact of the matter was that Rio did not know this woman. She knew only what she saw online, and what she had derived from the letter. She and Agatha spoke about it frequently and after Dani read it, she offered in her own perspective.
Clearly this woman loved their son. She loved him before all of this for seven long years. Who his parents were or what he was going through would never change that.
It was why they were there, wasn't it?
She wanted to see what he was not allowing himself to have for herself. to see what he could truly obtain if he would get out of his own way. The likelihood that she would disclose their meeting together was slim, but at least it might help her find some peace when he could not.
"It's... Really nice to meet you," Rio ventured softly, her soft honey gaze carefully tracing the features before her. "I know it isn't the ideal circumstances... And I can tell you half want to bolt out of here, but... It would me a lot to me -- all of us, our family -- if you would stay. Even if it's only a few minutes."
Under her studious watch, Gabi seemed to melt the tiniest bit. Her eyes glassed over again, but she did not cry; still, the mere sight made Rio's own prick with the threat of tears.
"I'm staying," the young woman returned. She was clearly trying to sound certain, but her voice cracked and her lip quivered just barely.
"Okay," Rio soothed. "I didn't know what to order you, obviously. So... Maybe some tea first and we can talk once you've had a moment?" When Gabi gave a solemn nod, Rio raised a hand to flag the attention of the waitress, calling her over to collect Gabi's order. Once she disappeared, it seemed as though the other woman didn't so much care about having the tea first.
"I... I just want to say that I realize the conflict of morality here, but I feel..." She paused, her lips rubbing together as she fought back tears.
God, seeing her so emotional was not helping Rio keep her own composure in the least.
"I feel like there's not really an end in sight with him. This is... the worst I've ever seen him. He's supposed to go back to work at the beginning of the month, but I don't know how. He doesn't leave bed, rarely eats and rarely showers. His whole life... It's a lie to him and I think he just..." Gabi's voice trembled again and Rio made a choice. Maybe it was the wrong choice, but she made it all the same.
Gently, she reached across the small table between them and set both of her hands atop Gabi's, giving them a small squeeze.
"I just think he doesn't know who he is. And it's killing him. If I thought I could get him out of bed, I'd help him get into therapy, or get back into running. But... He wants nothing to do with me."
Gabi's head dropped and she closed her eyes, leaving Rio pained to watch the fat tears as they rolled down her cheeks.
This was fucking awful.
Sure, the three of them had been aching at the idea that their son might not want to know them, but Rio never stopped to think about what it was he had to be experiencing. Sure, it was easy to think about being told nothing you knew was actually right and how to handle it, but the harsh reality was that there was no knowing what it actually felt like without being having to go through it firsthand.
Nicholas was suffering and Gabi was doing what she possibly could to somehow make it better. Maybe it would only end up making it worse when she inevitably told him the truth, but for now, this was her way of doing something as opposed to doing nothing.
"I don't think that's true," Rio tried to offer. Sure, she didn't know the first thing about them as individuals but the duration of their relationship spoke for itself. They'd been together since college. That was loud, that was important. "This is... For us, it's a potential happy ending. For him... I imagine it's like having every mirror smashed into pieces to a point where he doesn't know who is supposed to be looking back at him."
Rio paused, gingerly brushing her thumbs over the backs of Gabi's hands.
"The only person that can be the mirror of his true self, that can show him who is really is, is you. And you coming here to talk with me is a step in the right direction. I know you came here with the intention of telling me who he is, but even if you don't, I still think this is... It's a good start. It's good to just... see how you care about him. It tells me he has someone in his corner that won't tap out." Rio's tone was measured and soft, cognizant of how fragile the situation before he was, and the woman herself.
"I love him," Gabi admitted, her lip jutting out as she tried to stifle another sob. She pulled her hands from beneath Rio's wiping furiously at her face; it clearly wasn't the touch but rather the embarrassment of nearly sobbing in the middle of a cafe at 10 in the morning. "And I have zero clue how to help him."
"I know. And I'm afraid I don't have much advice in that regard because I... I don't actually know him. But it's so very apparent how much you love him, and that you would do anything to help him. So... Just know how much I, my wife, and our daughter appreciate you agreeing to this, let alone being the one to suggest it."
Rio's words were sincere but they were so impossibly heavy, something they were both aware of.
"I... I did my research, obviously," Gabi offered, wiping at her face once more in an attempt to dry it. "And from what I could see... You three just look like the family he deserved, the one that deserved him."
Something in Gabi's tone shot a chill right up Rio's spine. She wasn't being spiteful or mean about Wanda, but it made Rio think that maybe Nicky's life had not been as perfect as they were hoping it was.
"Was she... Was Wanda good to him?" Rio managed, licking her suddenly dry lips out of nervousness.
Gabi just blinked at her, almost as if she'd forgotten who Wanda even was. It settled a moment later, action slipping back into her form.
"Alisa was... She wasn't bad to him."
Okay, Rio thought, but that's not implying she was good to him, either.
"But when she moved them around so much... It was really hard on him. He never got to have real friends or build long term relationships until college. She hovers always... Even right before all of this happened. It was for his birthday, but she picked a place to live close enough that she could have a good idea of what was going on with him."
Oh. So she was out of her mind and controlling? Good to know. Heartbreaking, and causing an ulcer in the pits of Rio's stomach, but still good to know.
"She was worried," Rio theorized aloud, not actually meaning to speak.
"I think he sees that now. She... Never wanted him to be found."
The words smacked into Rio individually, one after another in the center of her chest. They hurt more and more with each impact, leaving her feeling as if she were choking on nothing. It had been Wanda's intent to hide him for the rest of their lives, to keep it all a secret from him. He was hers and she hadn't wanted to let him go.
Now, he was free.
And he was drowning without much to keep him afloat.
When the waitress arrived with Gabi's tea, both women thanked her softly before turning their attention upon one another once more.
"Okay, so," Gabi voiced after a slow sip of the hot liquid. In an instant, the warmth both filled and relaxed her, allowing to slump in her chair the slightest bit. "We did not come here for a tear fest, I am sure."
Oh. Rio liked her already.
"Better we got it out of the way first then, hm?" Rio offered as she lifted her mug of coffee for a drink of her own.
Gabi's expression was soft, her eyes tender as she became the one to truly look at Rio. What she said next almost shattered Rio to millions of very, very tiny pieces.
"He has your eyes. And your smile."
That hurt. It was meant to help, Rio knew, but it fucking hurt.
This woman who had looked at her son for the better part of a decade was telling her he looked like her. Surely, he looked like Agatha, too, as they knew, but hearing her voice such a thought out loud was almost enough to sink Rio herself.
Nicky was free.
Yet everyone seemed to be drowning.
"Admittedly, we did our own research. And... I'm of the opinion that he looks a lot like Agatha, but she said the same things you just did. So I can't really argue with you both."
The joint but soft laughter provided an air of warmth around the two of them, if only for a moment before they were staring back at one another.
Alright. It was time to put up or shut up. Gabi hadn't up and scrambled out, and the way she was talking insinuated she wanted to stay, so Rio slowly and cautiously trudged forward, offering the softest question.
"What does he like for breakfast?"
It could have seemed weird that of all the things in the world she could have asked, but the flash of tenderness in Gabi's eyes attested to her understanding. Rio wanted to take baby steps. She could ask things like his favorite breakfast or wha kind of music he listened to. She didn't want to push, didn't want to make Gabi feel as though she was violating his trust.
She just wanted to know who, after twenty-five years, her son had grown into.
"On the weekends, he likes when I make papas con chorizo y huevo. It's --"
Rio was grinning before she spoke. "I know what it is. It's one of my favorites. Agatha burned out on it ten years ago."
For a moment, there was quiet. The dull chatter of other occupants and the distant clinging of dishes could be heard, but the two women just watched one another, trying to figure out who was going to be brave enough to say something else.
Gabi beat Rio to the punch.
"You both... You really love each other, don't you?" she questioned gently, arm resting on the table as she fiddled with the handle of her mug. "I mean... You stayed together, he has a sister... You... You really held out hope this whole time?"
The question itself was loaded; there had been many nights when Agatha had shouted at her because she was so improbably angry and there had been just as many where Rio fell asleep on the floor because she was mad at Agatha but not enough to want to sleep in another room. They faced many, many struggles over the years but never once had Rio ever considered leaving.
For every minute of raised blood pressure and every second of spit-fire anger, Rio still loved Agatha and always would.
So yes, Gabi was right.
"We do, and we have. I think..." Rio paused, her eyes finally tearing away from the young woman before her to stare into her coffee, the color of burnt caramel. "I think we've always known he was somewhere. We didn't know where, and we didn't know if we would ever know. But... You've been so close this whole time; Dani lives twenty minutes away on foot. And we never would have known if it hadn't been for the DNA test."
There was the smallest ripple in Gabi's expression; guilt. The detective had loosely detailed how they obtained the sample, but as Rio looked into Gabi's eyes again, she saw nothing but self flagellation. She wasn't speaking, but her eyes had welled up and started to dart over Rio's face.
"Hey, it's okay," she tried to soothe, though she knew better than to reach out again. "I take it you got it for him." It was a reasonable deduction, but the way Gabi's face folded even more while still not shedding another tear tore at something inside her.
"He just wanted to know about his second parent. She would never tell him. I..." Gabi drew in a slow breath through her nose, clearly trying to keep herself calm. "I thought he had a right to those answers. I just had no clue those answers would be... this. And... I'm still caught up on how I feel about it."
Rio knew she needed to be sensitive, to be gentle, and so she tried.
"Sometimes the answers we get are the ones we need, even if they aren't the ones we like. I just hate that it has to feel this way."
Agatha.
Kissing her wife and watching her slip out the front door, Agatha knew she needed to busy herself. She needed to find something to do to occupy her mind, mostly because the only thoughts that seemed to be in abundance were the ones demanding answers.
By ten-thirty that morning, she managed to clean both the living room and kitchen before making a mess of it again with far too many pancakes to count. When Dani turned up shortly before eleven looking like she hadn't slept a wink, she was more than happy to put a small dent in Agatha's hard work.
When she started deep cleaning ten minutes later by pulling out the stove, Dani called her out.
"What's wrong?" she asked flatly from her spot at the counter before shoving a bite of pancake in her mouth.
"Nothing," Agatha dismissed, waving her off.
"You're lying. You only deep clean when you're angry."
Sometimes, Agatha really hated how one of the traits Dani seemed to inherit from her was her perception level.
"I'm not angry," Agatha informed her though she did not bother lifting her head to look at her daughter.
"You're stewing, then," Dani corrected smugly.
"You're being annoying, Danica," Agatha clipped in warning.
With a soft huff from the counter, Dani finished the last bit of her breakfast and slid off the stool to rinse her plate off in the sink. Before she departed, she sidled up to her mother and placed a kiss to her cheek.
"It's going to be okay."
Dani sounded so fucking sure, but how? How could she be sure when Rio was at a cafe a half an hour away meeting with the only link in the world they had to their son? There were so many things she needed to know, so many questions that demanded answers.
So how could Dani say it would be okay?
Weeks had passed and their son wasn't ready to enter their orbit. Maybe he never would be. Maybe he was his own man, with his own life, and would never want to know the love they still harbored for him.
Her Nicky.
Her sweet boy.
He was Nik.
And she didn't know the first thing about him.
But she still loved him, and so did Rio. Dani, for that matter.
"Say it enough times and I might start to believe you," Agatha murmured back, leaning into Dani's shoulders. In a flash, she felt her daughter's arm hook around her shoulders, pulling her closer.
"It's going to be okay. I love you." She stole another rough peck to the side of Agatha's head and released, making her way to the stairs. "I'm gonna shower. We should go to the park later!"
Agatha didn't even want to dignify that with an answer so she offered a light laugh instead.
Her mind was somewhere else entirely; she started thinking about questions and answers. Rio was surely going to get some, to gain some knowledge about their boy, but she wasn't going to get the right answers, not the ones to the tough questions.
No, there was only one way to get those.
Quickly and quietly, Agatha climbed the stairs to their bedroom and changed into daywear; a black blouse rolled at the sleeves and black trousers clung to her form, leaving her a shadow meant to darken any space she occupied, or at least the one she had in mind. After shaking her hair out and giving herself a look-over in the mirror, she collected her keys and phone and made her exit, climbing into her car a moment later.
She pulled up the GPS and typed in her destination with precision.
ESSEX COUNTY CORRECTIONAL FACILITY.
She would get her fucking answers one way or another.