Chapter Text
DURI POV
Duri couldn’t express how glad he felt as Ais flitted open his eyes. He noticed the lost and pained look in Ais’ eyes and he immediately knew what happened while he had fainted. By the way, Ais had fainted due to a sudden deviation from his usual sleep pattern,causing temporary shock.
He caressed the back of Ais’ head, to lull said person into a calmer state. He kept it constant,undemanding,just enough to let Ais know that he was there for him. But he didn’t stop,as if stopping would make himself and Ais cease to exist. For whatever came next,he was absolutely unprepared.
Duri saw the form of a single tear,gathered in Ais’ eye as he smiled,melancholy gracing his lips. He simply couldn’t bear to lose anyone anymore. His comforting little brother instincts was unlocked,putting aside his grief for a while.
“You…you wanna tell me what happened? Or Blaze? We can help you about your…ermm…dream.”
Ais simply shook his head slightly,biting his lip and gazed pointedly onto the ground he was lying on. They were still at the burial services because they had to stop when Blaze started panicking and screaming when Ais collapsed to the floor without warning.
Being the only one who was remotely knowledgeable of AED, he rushed over to feel Ais’ pulse. Nuh uh bitchers,he was no way in hell going to lose another brother. Thankfully,he had a pulse just slightly lighter than normal.
As he tried to move Ais into a comfortable position,Ais winced and grunted,like every touch had its pain multiplied by a hundred.
Murmuring to himself ,Duri’s breath hitched as he continued to attend to the unconscious boy,who breathed out barely audible,” Don’t you dare touch Solar. Do…do anything you want with me,just don’t touch him. I beg of you.”
Hmm,no cursing,Duri thought. Maybe in his slumber,Ais still subconsciously knew that his parents and grandfather were present,who would have chilied his mouth for even saying the slightest bad word.
His soul cried in agony as he heard Ais slur,”Solar,’m sorry.’m sorry that I couldn’t save you. ‘m sorry,Sol,forgive me.”
But this was the ultimate mind-blower.
”I…I’ll meet you soon,okay. Just wait,for a while,I promise you that. From the deep of my heart,I love you,Cahaya.”
The last word struck a chord in Duri’s mental piano. The mention of Solar’s middle name expanded a nonexistent ball in his chest. Cahaya. Cahaya,meaning light in Malay. The soft and pure light. Like how Solar was when he was young.
He reminisced,recalling the young child telling his family every time that he preferred them calling him Cahaya despite it sounding old-fashioned,something out of a literary classic. But this privilege was only for family though. If it was anyone else,they would probably get kicked in the nuts by said person.
But as Solar grew up,he had become an antonym of his past self. No longer happy or welcoming,just bratty and harsh. And he had cast away the nickname Cahaya,pestering everyone to address him as Solar.
Quote unquote, Solar said that calling him Cahaya which sounded like a name from the 1800s wouldn’t bode well for his prodigal image.
But Duri knew deep down that there was some part of Cahaya in Solar but he refused to see it,blinded by anger like all his other brothers.
Then now we skip back forward to the current situation.
Ais tried to stand up,an attempt to brush whatever just happened but his legs refused to cooperate,giving out beneath him as he stood. duri noticed this and prevented him,knowing that his elder brother was low on sugar and everything else since Ais’ last meal had been yesterday’s lunch as Ais didn’t eat dinner or breakfast often.
Shitty eating habits,Duri knew,but he couldn’t force his brother and none of the others had ever noticed. Except for Gempa,maybe.
Duri handed him a chocolate bar,feeding it to Ais after he adamantly refused to eat it on his own accord. Unable to turn down the opportunity of being fed by his younger brother,Ais finally opened his mouth,earning a faint smile from Duri.
As he watched Ais chew dismally,the family continued on except for Blaze who had come to sit beside Ais,clearly concerned for his twin’s wellbeing.
As Duri fed Ais another bite,another tear trickled down,causing Blaze to panic again. He knew whatever dream or nightmare Ais had,it had blown his composure to bits.
Duri wanted to ask him what happened but decided against it as he might be perceived as trying to pry. Dreams were a sensitive thing,after all. Ais will open up in his own time,there’s no use in forcing him.
Ais ate slowly so by the time he had finished the bar,his family had completed washing Solar and was now shrouding him. They took the white cloth,carefully covering him,a last glimpse of the fallen sun. Nobody lingered anymore,too heartbroken and also because they were behind schedule.
Halilintar,Taufan,Gempa took the honor of securing Solar’s body,bringing him out to put him into the van to be brought to the mosque.
With no words, Blaze scooped up his brother bridal-style and strided towards the car together. Ais struggled at first,insisting that he could walk on his own but Blaze was having none of that. Ais later gave in and curled his head towards Blaze’s chest.
As they headed towards the car, Duri thought about their birthday party they had planned. All week,he had been so psyched and excited. But now,he saw no reason to be happy,to smile. All his optimism had been sucked out of him,leaving nothing behind. Just a hollow shell of a human. Like a skeleton leaf. A skeleton leaf was a type of leaf which had been soaked in chemicals,leaching the colour from it,only leaving its structure. That’s how he felt. Existing,without substance.
He was partly excited because he was going to meet his cousins at the party which they had invited them to. That was still standing,just under significantly different circumstances.
They were coming to the funeral and prayer,having been informed of Solar’s death. Actually,his parents had asked for the police not to release any details of Solar's murder. It took a lot of pleading and meetings, but it was fulfilled eventually. They had also only told their close relatives,knowing that they would be bombarded they couldn’t bear to reply.
The ride was silent,everybody stuck in their own daydream. Duri was trying to accept the fact that Solar was gone,but his mind was throwing a fit,denying the fact with a large harumph.
Fifteen minutes later,they reached the mosque. It was a beautiful work of architecture,its dome and minarets gleaming in the sweltering afternoon sun. He remembered a fun fact Solar told him about the black part below the dome,which was made of painted soy sauce bottles given by the public.
It was a symbolism to the unity of the community,to show that every single gesture,no matter how small,could contribute to a bigger cause. It felt like a comparison to what happened. Just because Duri had decided to ignore Solar’s call,Solar left him,left them all.
And. It. Was. All. Because. Of. Him.
His small act had contributed to something larger.Something he couldn’t stop.
He stepped onto the carpet of the mosque,barefoot,hoping that he would be forgiven for what he did to Solar,an irreversible act.