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TAVROS: hEY THERE,
TAVROS: uHHH,
TAVROS: yOU KNOW THAT THING, tHAT MY FRIENDS SOMETIMES SAY ABOUT ME,
TAVROS: hOW i GOT LAID, eARLY,,,
TAVROS: bY BEING A PLAYER, aND A NATURAL AT SEDUCING A GIRL,
TAVROS: tHEY SAY, wHILE MAKING PARTY NOISES, aND OFFERING HIGH FIVES,
TAVROS: eVEN THOUGH, i OFTEN DON'T RECIPROCATE, tHOSE HIGH FIVES,
TAVROS: aND SAY NOTHING INSTEAD, wHILE LOOKING VISIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE,
TAVROS: wHICH APPARENTLY, iS A REASON TO MAKE EVEN MORE NOISES,
TAVROS: aND LIGHTLY POKE FUN AT ME, fOR NOT LIKING IT,
TAVROS: aND ALSO HALF-JOKINGLY CALL ME GAY,
TAVROS: bUT i DON'T THINK i AM,
TAVROS: oR THAT THAT'S A LIKELY EXPLANATION, fOR ME NOT LIKING SOME THINGS,
TAVROS: i THINK THERE'S PROBABLY, a MUCH MORE OBVIOUS REASON, tHAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW, oR AT LEAST DON'T REALLY THINK ABOUT,
TAVROS: wHICH IS THAT i WAS 13 YEARS OLD,
TAVROS: aND THE OTHER PERSON WAS OLDER THAN ME,
TAVROS: uHHH, i MEAN, oLDER THAN i AM NOW,
TAVROS: bY A LARGE MARGIN, aCTUALLY,
TAVROS: eVEN THOUGH IT WAS ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO,,
TAVROS: ,,,,,,
TAVROS: i FEEL LIKE SOME THINGS HAVE, sTARTED TO CLICK A LITTLE, rECENTLY,
TAVROS: wITH THE PERSPECTIVE, oF BEING A LITTLE OLDER,
TAVROS: aND HOW MUCH SMALLER THE DIFFERENCE SEEMS, bETWEEN SOMEONE WHO IS 13 YEARS OLD, aND A LITTLE KID,
TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SEEING PICTURES, oF MYSELF AROUND THAT TIME,
TAVROS: wHICH MAKES ME THINK, tHAT i DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE IN THESE EVENTS,
TAVROS: aND AS SUCH, iT WOULD BE SAFE TO SAY, tHAT THEY PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED,
TAVROS: bUT UHHHHH,,, sOME CONTEXT,
TAVROS: i HAD TAKEN THE BUS TO MY FRIEND'S HOUSE, aFTER SCHOOL ON FRIDAY, fOR A SLEEPOVER,
TAVROS: wHICH HAD BEEN, a MORE OR LESS REGULAR THING,
TAVROS: tO PLAY POKEMON CARDS, aND WATCH YUGI-OH,
TAVROS: eXCEPT THIS TIME, wHEN i ARRIVED, mY FRIEND WASN'T THERE,
TAVROS: wHICH MAKES SENSE, sINCE i'D TOTALLY FORGOTTEN, tHAT HE WAS GOING TO A JAMBOREE,
TAVROS: iNSTEAD, tHERE WAS ONLY HIS MOM, wHO WAS SURPRISED TO SEE ME,
TAVROS: bUT NOT, nEGATIVELY,
TAVROS: sEEING AS, sHE ALWAYS LIKED HAVING ME OVER,
TAVROS: aND HAD CALLED ME SOME THINGS BEFORE, sUCH AS HANDSOME, aND A FUTURE LADY KILLER,
TAVROS: wHICH i NEVER KNEW, hOW TO RESPOND TO, sO i ALWAYS JUST SAID NOTHING,
TAVROS: iT'S ALSO ONE OF THOSE THINGS, tHAT IS REALLY WEIRD IN HINDSIGHT,
TAVROS: i DON'T REALLY THINK, tHAT 13 YEAR OLDS ARE HANDSOME,
TAVROS: oR HAVE SEXUAL APPEAL, iN ANY WAY, rEGARDLESS,
TAVROS: bUT IT ALSO WASN'T THE FIRST TIME, aDULT WOMEN SAID THAT ABOUT ME,
TAVROS: aLTHOUGH, mAYBE NOT SO UPFRONT,
TAVROS: uHHHH,,, aNYWAY,
TAVROS: i THOUGHT THAT, mAYBE, sHE WOULD OFFER ME A RIDE, bACK HOME,
TAVROS: bUT INSTEAD, sHE SAID THAT i COULD JUST, sTAY OVER ANYWAY,
TAVROS: aND THAT SHE WOULD LET MY PARENTS KNOW,
TAVROS: sO i AGREED, tHINKING i WOULD JUST WATCH YUGI-OH BY MYSELF, iN MY FRIEND'S ROOM, bEFORE FALLING ASLEEP,
TAVROS: bUT SHE SAID i SHOULD SLEEP IN HER BED INSTEAD,
TAVROS: sO THAT i WOULDN'T BE AS LONELY,
TAVROS: i SAID THAT i DIDN'T KNOW, iF THAT WAS WHAT i WANTED,
TAVROS: bUT SHE ASKED, rEPEATEDLY, aND IT ALSO MADE, sOME LOGICAL SENSE, aT THE TIME,
TAVROS: sO i WENT ALONG,
TAVROS: ,,,,,,
TAVROS: tHAT NIGHT, iN BED, sHE STARTED CALLING ME MORE THINGS,
TAVROS: sUCH AS, a STUD,
TAVROS: wHICH IS ANOTHER THING, tHAT i NOW THINK IS A REALLY WEIRD THING TO SAY, tO A 13 YEAR OLD,
TAVROS: aND IT DID FEEL REALLY WEIRD, aND UNPLEASANT, cOMING FROM HER,
TAVROS: bUT THERE MUST'VE BEEN A REASON, i THOUGHT,
TAVROS: i HAD STARTED MASTURBATING, nOT THAT ALONG AGO,
TAVROS: tHE YEAR BEFORE, mAYBE,
TAVROS: aND THERE HAD BEEN SOME OTHER CHANGES, sUCH AS A GROWTH SPURT, aND LOSING BABY FAT,
TAVROS: mAKING ME FEEL, a LITTLE BETTER ABOUT MYSELF, pHYSICALLY,
TAVROS: hENCE THE REASON, tO BE ON THE RECEIVING END, oF SUCH COMMENTS, i FIGURED,
TAVROS: bUT, iT WENT FURTHER, aFTER THAT,
TAVROS: ,,,,,,,
TAVROS: i DON'T, rEALLY REMEMBER EVERYTHING,
TAVROS: sORRY,,,,
TAVROS: i JUST KNOW, tHAT SHE WAS GETTING ME OUT OF MY CLOTHES, gRADUALLY, aND WITH SOFT PRESSURE,
TAVROS: i DIDN'T REALLY SAY NO,
TAVROS: iN FACT, i DON'T THINK i REALLY SAID ANYTHING,
TAVROS: iT DIDN'T REALLY OCCUR TO ME, tHAT "NO" WAS A THING i COULD SAY,
TAVROS: oR EVEN WANT TO SAY,
TAVROS: eVEN THOUGH, i'M PRETTY SURE, i ACTUALLY DIDN'T WANT IT,
TAVROS: i'D JUST NEVER HEARD OF CASES, oF A BOY NOT WANTING SEX,
TAVROS: uH, eXCEPT WHEN THE OTHER PERSON IS ALSO A BOY, i GUESS, bUT i DIGRESS,
TAVROS: bUT OTHER THAN TALKING, i DID ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE A LITTLE BIT, tHROUGH BODY LANGUAGE,
TAVROS: i CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHAT i DID,
TAVROS: mAYBE TURN MY FACE AWAY, oR WRAP MY ARMS AROUND MYSELF,
TAVROS: tHOSE ARE THINGS i TEND TO DO, wHEN i'M NOT COMFORTABLE,
TAVROS: bUT i DEFINITELY DID SOME THINGS, bECAUSE SHE WAS SCOLDING ME FOR DOING THEM,
TAVROS: cALLING ME, oVERLY SHY, aND IMMATURE,
TAVROS: wHICH, i GUESS, aRE THINGS THAT ARE PROBABLY CORRECT, wHEN BEING SAID TO A 13 YEAR OLD,
TAVROS: uNTIL SHE LOST HER PATIENCE, aND HELD ME DOWN,
TAVROS: nOT IN A, uH, vIOLENT WAY, tHAT HURTS, oR ANYTHING LIKE THAT,
TAVROS: sHE JUST HELD MY HANDS IN PLACE OVER MY HEAD,
TAVROS: i GUESS, sO THEY WOULDN'T GET IN THE WAY OF THE ACTIVITIES, tHAT WERE TAKING PLACE,
TAVROS: wHICH WHERE, uHHH,,,,
TAVROS: tHAT MY PENIS WAS INSIDE HER,
TAVROS: aND THAT i CAME, eVENTUALLY,,
TAVROS: wHICH MADE ME REALLY WORRIED, tHAT i WAS MAKING HER PREGNANT,
TAVROS: bUT THAT WASN'T THE CASE, iN THE END, tHANKFULLY,
TAVROS: uMMM,,,,,,,
TAVROS: tHE NEXT DAY, oN THE BUS RIDE HOME, i WAS REALLY STRESSED OUT,
TAVROS: bECAUSE OF HAVING DONE SOMETHING i SHOULDN'T HAVE, aND THAT MY PARENTS WERE GOING TO FIND OUT, aND PUNISH ME,
TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE i'D CLEARLY WANTED IT, bY GETTING AN ERECTION, aND THEN AN ORGASM, oR AT LEAST, tHAT'S WHAT i THOUGHT,
TAVROS: wHEN i GOT HOME, i MOSTLY AVOIDED MY PARENTS, wENT TO BED REALLY EARLY, nOTICED THAT i SMELLED WEIRD, aND TRIED TO SLEEP,
TAVROS: aFTER THAT, i LET IT BLOW OVER,
TAVROS: wHICH WAS PRETTY EASY, iN THAT i DIDN'T REALLY NEED TO DO ANYTHING, sINCE NOBODY KNEW IN THE FIRST PLACE,
TAVROS: i NEVER HAD ANOTHER SLEEPOVER, wHICH WAS EASILY EXPLAINED, aS ME GETTING TOO OLD FOR CARD GAMES,
TAVROS: bUT IT WAS A LOT HARDER, oN THE INSIDE, cARRYING ON LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED,
TAVROS: eSPECIALLY BEING REALLY WORRIED, aBOUT HAVING A BABY, fOR A WHILE AFTER,
TAVROS: bUT ALSO, fEELING ASHAMED OF MYSELF CONSTANTLY,,
TAVROS: tHERE WAS ALSO, oNE TIME,,,, wHICH I REGRET EXTREMELY,,,
TAVROS: wHERE i MENTIONED SOME THINGS,,,,, vERY VAGUELY, tO ONE OF MY FRIENDS,
TAVROS: bUT i DON'T THINK, tHAT HE REALLY UNDERSTOOD, wHAT i WAS SAYING,
TAVROS: hENCE IT GETTING SPREAD AROUND, iN A MODIFIED VERSION, rESULTING IN RUMORS,
TAVROS: aND EVENTUALLY, pEOPLE CONGRATULATING ME, fOR THIS AWESOME THING HAPPENING, tHAT MADE ME REALLY COOL AND MORE LIKE A GROWN-UP,
TAVROS: bUT IT DIDN'T REALLY MAKE ME FEEL AWESOME, oR GROWN-UP,
TAVROS: iT MADE ME FEEL MORE LIKE A THING,
TAVROS: tHAT CAN BE USED, aND THEN THROWN AWAY, wHEN IT'S USED UP,
TAVROS: uHHHH,,,,
TAVROS: yEAH,
TAVROS: ,,,,,,,
TAVROS: tHAT FEELS LIKE A GOOD WAY, oF PUTTING IT,
TAVROS: bUT AT THE TIME, i DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT,
TAVROS: i JUST KEPT ON DOING THINGS, aS NORMALLY AS POSSIBLE,
TAVROS: gOING TO SCHOOL, dOING MY HOMEWORK,
TAVROS: aND POSTING ONLINE, wITH MY PROFILE PICTURE, oF GOKU, fROM DRAGON BALL Z,
TAVROS: jUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER KIDS,
TAVROS: iT ALMOST MADE IT SEEM, aS IF SOMETHING LIKE THAT, cOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO ME,
TAVROS: aND FOR A WHILE, i WAS HOPING THAT IT MIGHT, mAYBE, uNHAPPEN, iF i TRIED LONG ENOUGH,
TAVROS: bUT THAT DIDN'T WORK,,
TAVROS: mEANWHILE, i DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE BEING TOUCHED, bY ANYONE AGAIN,
TAVROS: sORRY,
TAVROS: i CAN'T REALLY SAY, iF THAT'S BECAUSE OF THE BAD THING,
TAVROS: oR IF I'M JUST THAT WAY,
TAVROS: i THINK IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE, tO GET TO FIGURE STUFF LIKE THAT OUT,
TAVROS: oN MY OWN, wHILE GROWING UP, aND WITHOUT, hAVING SEX, pUSHED ON ME,
TAVROS: mAKING EVERYTHING SO MUCH MORE CONFUSING,
TAVROS: aND NOT NICE TO THINK ABOUT,
TAVROS: uHHH,
TAVROS: i USED TO THINK ABOUT WHAT i'D DO, iF i HAD TO DO THAT OVER AGAIN,
TAVROS: wHICH, i DIDN'T WANT TO, bUT JUST HYPOTHETICALLY,
TAVROS: i GUESS i WOULD HAVE TRIED, tO THINK A BIT MORE, aND REALIZE THAT i DIDN'T WANT IT,
TAVROS: aND BE MORE CONFIDENT, aND SAY "NO",
TAVROS: aS WELL AS NOT BE 13 YEARS OLD,
TAVROS: i THINK THAT'S A PRETTY IMPORTANT PART, oF MAKING THIS LESS AWFUL,
TAVROS: bUT THAT WASN'T REALLY POSSIBLE, uH, gOING BACK AND CHANGING THINGS,
TAVROS: aND IT ALSO WASN'T REALLY POSSIBLE, fOR ME TO FORGET,
TAVROS: sO THE NEXT BEST THING, wHICH i USED TO HOPE FOR, wAS FOR EVERYBODY ELSE TO FORGET,
TAVROS: oR AT LEAST STOP BRINGING IT UP CONSTANTLY, sO THAT PEOPLE WOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT IT,
TAVROS: aND THEN MAYBE i, aLSO WOULDN'T BE REMINDED OF IT AS MUCH,
TAVROS: mAYBE,
TAVROS: bUT i DIDN'T REALLY KNOW, hOW TO GO ABOUT ASKING SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
TAVROS: bY VIRTUE, oF IT BEING KIND OF A WEIRD THING TO ASK,
TAVROS: aND WOULD HAVE REQUIRED EXPLAINING TO PEOPLE, tHAT ME HAVING SEX AS A CHILD, wAS A THING THAT IS BAD AND NOT GOOD,
TAVROS: wHICH i GUESS, mUST BE LESS OBVIOUS, tHAN HOW IT SOUNDS, wHEN i PUT IT THAT WAY,
TAVROS: bUT i THINK, tHAT IT MIGHT BE TIME, tO GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY,
TAVROS: tO WORK UP THE COURAGE, tO TELL SOMEONE, wHAT REALLY HAPPENED,
TAVROS: nOW THAT PEOPLE ARE OLDER, aND MAYBE MORE UNDERSTANDING,
TAVROS: aLTHOUGH IT HAS THE POTENTIAL, oF MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE, iNSTEAD OF BETTER,
TAVROS: bUT i MUSTN'T GIVE UP HOPE,
TAVROS: tHE SAME WAY THAT, tHE CHARACTERS FROM DIGIMON, aFTER GETTING TRAPPED, nEVER GAVE UP, aND HELPED EACH OTHER, eSCAPE,
TAVROS: wHICH, i GUESS, aLWAYS MEANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO ME, tHAN IT DID FOR OTHERS,
TAVROS: aT LEAST, i HOPE,,,
TAVROS: tHAT'S ABOUT ALL, i THINK, sTUFF IS MOSTLY CLEAR NOW,
TAVROS: i'M FEELING A LOT BETTER, aBOUT TELLING SOMEONE, aLREADY,
TAVROS: sO, uHHH,
TAVROS: wISH ME LUCK }:)