Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 46 – Plans Withheld

Rain only underpinned a sleepy, fatigue-filled atmosphere. Darkness of the class, migraines to be had, lectures about how male calicos are “popular with the ladies”. Another day of masking dislike for Kashiwagi, and I wished I were in bed. It seemed that hope was shared, as if any of my classmates’ heads sank any lower, they might have fallen through into the plumbing system. Of course, visible eyes showed something discolored that wasn’t tiredness. Finals were after all next week, fingers crossed on passing, and failure meant a one-way ticket to summer school.

Once the audio playback of the bell rang through the intercom, half of it pitchy, Kashiwagi took her things without another word. That was the only action she took where everybody could fold without hesitation.

“…Saying she’s exhausting feels like an understatement, somehow,” said Yukiko. “Chie, are you…?”

“Yeah, yeah. Studying every night.”

“Someone’s diligent,” Yosuke said.

“Don’t even,” she said, wiping her face. “I spent so much time over a book in summer, I thought my back was gonna snap.”

“…You didn’t fail. Did you?” Yukiko asked.

“I‑ N‑No, I’m talking about… oh, what am I saying, you finish all your summer work in the first week, anyway.”

“It’s that bad, huh…?” Yosuke sighed. “Yet another thing to look forward to during the holidays.”

I finally took out the papers from under my desk. During Kashiwagi’s lesson, I had put my pencil case at the very front of the compartment beneath; a rather unsound attempt to obscure what I was actually doing, but it still worked. My brain hammered against my forehead as it wracked.

“How is this not fucking balancing…?”

“What is that?” Yu asked.

“…Student council stuff.”

Yosuke’s phone was in his hand, him peering at the screen.

“Kanji-kun and Rise-chan skipped school today, didn’t they?” asked Yukiko.

“…yep,” said Yosuke. “I wanna say they’re doing their best… but let’s face it, even I'm fancying myself a nice, long nap.”

There was a loud clap at the window outside, syncing with Chie’s sudden collision with a leg of her table. She rubbed her knee delicately.

“…I’m gonna stay in the library till the weather clears.”

“…How about the rest of you?” Yukiko said.

“Sorry… I can’t leave Ted alone for too long,” Yosuke said.

“And I need to see how Nanako is. She has her own tests coming up. Is that…?”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s fine,” Chie said.

I stood and ran for the door, knocking into some arms on the way. Council meeting could’ve started in a matter of minutes, and I wasn’t particularly keen on interrupting an already dysfunctional system. The closer to the destination, the higher the density of students with badges, exceptions only consisted of friends waving at them for luck. When I squeezed in, Hatori was already inside.

“Uh, Hatori‑”

The moment I spoke, I only saw a back that had swerved in, “Hey, about what we talked about earlier…”

“Yeah, so this policy, we might wanna extend it to‑”

“Um, I might’ve lost the invoice…”

Soon, the room crowded, me trapped in the epicenter of questions, protests, and heat akin to a blacksmith. I tried to push, but the wall of shirts wouldn’t budge. What was worse was the fact that I could only see at shoulder level. I was tempted to jump and wave around the papers like a child trying to reach a high shelf, before I realized just how infantilizing that would’ve been.

(“Goddammit…”)

Minute by minute, the temperature of hot iron dispersed until the tenth when I was at last face to face with her.

“Shirudo. What is‑?”

“I’ll make it quick. This isn’t balancing, something’s missing.”

I dropped the file in front of her. She skimmed the pages through, eyes darting so fast that they were nothing but whites for a few moments.

“Ugh, I forgot to tell you, the lab hadn’t handed in a few of last week’s entries,” she said. “This might have to wait.”

“Umm…”

“Yes?” Hatori replied to Clean Green Bean Machine, raising his hand.

“We got a discount for some of the tools we bought the other day from Junes. But… somebody in admin only listed the market prices.”

“How much was cut?”

“…For each item? I'll have to check again.”

I turned to the entry, “Can I seriously not just take the difference?”

“…I’m sorry. I’ll update you once everybody finalizes their transactions. You should go back first.”

In disbelief, I shook my head, once again slipping past the tide of oncomers. I couldn't take the Practice Building’s exit, much thanks to the fact that my bag was still in class. I sprinted before I wore out after a few meters, then climbed up the stairs in a slow walk, then winded back to the Classroom Building. At a glance, I saw Chie and Yukiko in the library, at a far table facing the books.

Once I gripped my bag, thunder roared again. I stopped by the library once again, and veered in.

“Hey.”

The other two raised their heads, almost seemingly in shock. I sat next to Chie.

“You might wanna rewrite that chemical equation again.”

Yukiko nodded in agreement, Chie let out a silent moan, while I tried to ignore the twisted feeling in my stomach from reading the word “balance”. Still, the three of us stayed till curfew; Yukiko and I spent all our time helping out Chie.

The week after, it began. Scratching on paper from pens and pencils, constant rubbing and eraser dust that flew off into smoke.

“What is morale?”

(“I'm starting to actually miss him. You weren't the best person, but you had something… though it wasn’t this. Cheerfulness in a group.”)

“What sport is ‘Heikin-dai’?”

(“…Yu, how the hell did you know this one when it was asked? What on earth are you‑? …Balance beam.”)

Every day zoomed by, a fickle happiness that sparked after papers were handed in, before the next. Yosuke’s nose wrinkled in a frown.

“It is said, “Even Kobo made mistakes in his writing.” Which kanji did he make a mistake on?”

(“Crap, which was it…? There's no way Kuukai could've made a mistake in the kanji for fucking sky…”)

I spent longer on that question than I'd like to admit. Yukiko hadn’t lifted her face since the start of the exam; the slants of her hairband were just about falling and undone. Still a literary analysis two pages from now.

(“Screw it, ‘綱’ instead of ‘網’. Here's to wishful thinking…”)

Time was called just as I wrote the last word. And then the next.

“In which period did Japan implement bonus pay?”

(“Meiji. This… This was a big thing last year during our literature project.”)

And another one passed, this time somewhat less stressful. Chie's mouth left a held-out groan after dismissal.

“What king in a deck of cards is missing a moustache?”

(“Who… Why is this impor…? Fuck it, spades.”)

“Who said this: ‘Man is but a reed, the most feeble thing in nature; but he is a thinking reed.’?”

(“…Pascal. Speaking of combinatorics.”)

And then, finally, the last day comes. As always, expressions showed just a little more relief throughout the whole trial.

“Which one of these is the name of a real river?”

(“The Pis‑”)

Someone snorted by the front, to my left. It was Yosuke.

(“…Pis River.”)

The chairs shuffled, and the last test came to its satisfying conclusion. Nervous whispers were expected, but in the end, for all of us, it was merely tiring.

“Tonight, we have a special report. The topic is the bizarre serial murder case in Inaba, where the victim's bodies are discovered hanging upside down.”

The newscaster smiled the same, barging his way into the leftover area of the screen. The image showed a map of Inaba, followed by pictures of the victims of the case.

The screen flashed, and the pictures turned. Pixelated squares floated from different spots; beyond possibility of making out any solid figure. But it was clear what they were.

Yu wasn't responding. I turned off the chat for a moment before bringing it back up again.

The news started derailing into a talk show, between four people in a half circle. Conspiracies and useless theories bounced back and forth between each mouth and ear. Nothing new was revealed. It swapped to the weather channel.

“Hey, everyone, they've posted the results!”

With summer vacation drawing so close, teachers ended up working overtime to mark the tests. Through the few days after the exams, there would sometimes be no class. Well, there was class, but the less determined ones would just sit at the table piling up coffee into their mouths, and paper into a plastic bag, and that’s if they didn’t outright sleep. Then it was the last day, and by then, everything was tabulated, calculated, and written down. Lunch, as always, was the time.

We went as a group, meeting with Rise and Kanji while we did. Their eyes were beyond bowed down.

“…hi, guys…” Rise said. “Ready for the performance of a lifetime, ha ha…?”

“Real impressed you can still make jokes, y’know.”

“Shut up, Moronji! I’ll bet a million yen I still got a higher score than you!”

“Go ahead, bet away.” Kanji sighed. “Exams ain’t my thing at all.”

“You're really okay with getting lower than someone who joined in a week before everything…?” Yosuke narrowed his eyes.

“Hey, you get what you work for, Senpai. And I didn't work for shit.”

“The board’s beginning to clear, you all…”

Yukiko stared at the bulletin board. She was right. I’d noticed many eyes in my direction, a lot of muttering into hands.

“Still a habit of not looking at the results before sticking it on?” asked Chie.

“…For once, no.”

“Oooh, then you know how all of us did, right Yukiko-senpai?” asked Rise.

“…See for yourself.”

“C'monnnn, just tell me! I don't wanna be next to the papers when everyone sees my number…!”

“I'm sure you did well enough for someone who came in late, Rise,” Yu said.

“Awww, thanks. You're too kind.”

I almost scoffed. The results were within sight, numbers and letters coming into focus as the overlong parchment seemed even bigger. I noticed people staring.

1^st, Yukiko Amagi. 2^nd, Yu Narukami. 3^rd, Kazuma Shirudo.

“Whoa, holy crap, Yu!” Yosuke cheered. “Damn, big improvement!”

“Yu-senpai, you the man!” Kanji shouted. “And Yukiko and Kazuma-senpai, congrats!”

“Wow, I didn't know I was friends with a bunch of geniuses! Great job, you three!” Rise said.

“Oh… right, thank you.”

Yukiko seemed down, her torso becoming limp. She sent some glances at me a few times.

“Don't do that,” I said. “You earned this. I should've spent more time on literature.”

“…I don’t think it’s that simple. You have been rather busy lately.”

“By that logic, you also work in the inn too. And from what I've heard, that’s no small task,” Yu said. “Take the victory as it is, Yukiko, everyone wants you to.”

“…he's right, you know. You're smart! Everything you have in that brain of yours is your own!” Chie said.

“I… suppose you have a point.”

Yukiko was grinning again. I couldn't keep my eyes off the results. I saw the other two's as well.

“10^th place, baby! Pretty proud of myself here…!”

“Congratulations, Yosuke.”

“See? Yu here knows how to tug at someone's strings. How was it for you guys!?” Yosuke said.

“We were both dead last,” Kanji and Rise said simultaneously.

“…ouch.”

“Hey, we're hogging up the space. We should go,” Chie said. “Uh… Kazuma?”

“Yeah, coming.”

We left. All of us leaned against the sides of the lockers, talking back and forth about their marks and where they went wrong. Yosuke was speaking to Keishin, meanwhile having a complete eureka moment over an English question, while Kanji seemed bewildered.

“…you doing okay?”

Chie was whispering. She’d ended up next to me, while Yukiko stared vacantly at the board behind the mob, almost as if she was ready to take the results down whenever it was clear.

“Yeah, doing fine,” I said. “Now that I think about it, I should've expected this. I got overconfident.”

“Did you really…?” Chie said. “Well, you speak for yourself, dude.”

Over to my left, Yu was getting swarmed. The crowd consisted of both first and second years.

“Well done, man! Knew you had it in you!”

“U‑Uh, thanks…!”

“You're amazing, Senpai!”

“You're one step behind Yukiko-san! You even beat Kazuma!”

“Guess the couple times before were just a fluke for him. Knew it was weird how he snagged top place like that…”

“Th‑That's not how I’d want to think about it… uh…”

I looked away and out at the door.

“…Hey, I wanted to ask,” Chie said. “Do you… have something against Yu-kun?”

I felt my lips seal in response.

“…at the club, you said something about him keeping a secret. What's‑?”

“-It's difficult to explain,” I cut her off. “And besides, it's not like what I say will make a difference on what every one of you thinks of him.”

Chie was frowning.

“…what do you mean by that? He’s our leader. He's done everything to help us. He's saved… my life, all our lives. Even Yosuke’s.”

“And there it is.”

“Wha‑?”

“No matter if I'm actually right or not on what he doesn’t say, I'm the one who still gets lectured. There’s no point.”

“That's not…!”

“Don't try and deny it. You'd do the same for Yosuke and Yukiko.”

Chie opened her mouth, but no words could come out. She fell silent. I took a breath I needed.

“…just forget what you heard.” I went for the stairs. “I'm gonna get some air on the roof.”

“Hey, just… stop.”

Chie stepped in front of me.

“…what?”

She raised her head, “Didn't you realize? I got a new record again.”

Her finger pointed to the results. I’d already read it. 30^th place.

“You really think I'm still gonna lecture you after that…?”

I couldn't look at her, and traipsed past. I brought my lunch up the stairs and, under sunlight, ate the disoriented meal in peace. The rest of the day was just as deafening.

I barely held my body up. The keys fell out of my hands multiple times before I opened the door with success. My eyes were so tired and aloof, it was like my brain was squishing them into goo. The storm brewed since early morning in the form of small drizzles before crashing through in the afternoon, then even more at night. Past the mess of books, and by the table.

Per the usual, I waited with the rest with salty noodles in my mouth. A howl of wind wrought through the room. I heard a swish, almost like a cloak, and the wind blew louder. One of the curtains had flown off.

“Dammit…”

I grabbed the cloth and attached it back onto the tail. Then it fell off. I tried again. Then it glided to the door. This cycle lasted almost ten minutes.

Sooner or later, the hours grew late. I sat cross-legged on my futon, staring up at the TV. Any minute now, and then, it-

(“Huh?”)

There was an image. But it was much too clear, no static at all. A boy wearing a yellow sweater, cheeks on his face bulging out that almost covered his eyes, ignoring the distracting mole on his left one. He was surrounded by bricks like an arena, some sort of gate, like it was medieval. I had a heavy feeling in my gut. But it was different somehow. The walls, they looked awfully picturesque, details of their unevenness, their reality utterly missing.

“You all think you can see me? You all think you know everything about me?”

The boy couldn’t move an inch from where he stood, like an action figure in place. Although, perhaps his stature was closer to a tombstone’s.

“Then try to catch me.”

A snick of the TV, and it turned empty. My phone was vibrating.

It took some time before the next message.

(“Hang on…”)

I typed as quick as I could. Fingernails against screen drew white lines of scratches.

No one typed a word in for almost a few minutes. Then a newer message had dinged again.

I was sure at that instant, everyone's brains ignited. Dots appeared at the bottom of the screen again.

There was a warm sensation in my chest, and the feeling worked its way up my throat. My fingers were sweaty.

My vision was fading. I looked at my watch. It was a quarter to 1.

I shut off my phone and collapsed on the spot. Cold draft began trickling into the room through the near-hollowed walls. Lights from structures afar were dimming, and my eyes closed.

Over time, the sounds disappeared, and it was just silent. Lifeless and dead, and deathly relaxing. I tried to drift off, but my head couldn’t keep away from a feeling of something poking through my ears.

(“Something's… gnawing at me. What is it…?”)

I blinked several more times. Then there was a suffocating load in my chest that persisted, and I flashed back through the entire day. I dug my fingers into the futon.

(“…I just need to rest.”)

And as an unknown segment of time passed through like tedious longing, like an uncomfortable stream of mud breaking inches down an empty cavern, the wish worked. I fell into a half-sleep.