Chapter Text
Rob,
Holy stars holy stars holy freaking blinding stars you came into work and literally asked me out and left what the HELL was that!? Did I hallucinate the whole thing!? I have been over the moon all week and I don’t know what to do about it! I’ve been too jumpy to sit down.
I can’t wait until Friday. I have been obnoxious all day. I got caught humming All I Ask Of You and Patricia somehow knows about us going to Phantom together? She teased me every time she gets a hint that I’m thinking about you, which is all the time.
Why do feelings have to be so consuming? Is there ever a balance? When I’m sad, I’m sad all the time until something breaks me out of it or it fades on its own. I can feel more than one emotion at a time, but this? This is overwhelming. I don’t think I’ve ever understood being in love until now. It’s like I’m being eaten alive It’s so scary and so wonderful all at the same time.
I can’t wait to hug you and listen to you laugh and see you smile. Until then! Loop
Friday night. Finally.
Roboro said the place was fancy, so you should wear your nicest dress, specifically the one you wore for Phantom Of The Opera. But you don’t think you should go with the same look, not exactly, so you use a cute cardigan to cover your chest and keep you warm. You don’t have any jewelry other than your earrings. Maybe you should get some during your next paycheck. You could call Mirabelle and set up a shopping day where you go back to that strip of stores and find you a proper bra, or something to flatten your chest.
You’ve found yourself more conscientious of that lately. It had always been easy to manage when you were traveling and heavily malnourished, but since you’ve gained some healthy weight your breasts feel so obvious that you have a strong urge to just wear saggy sweaters over your cute shirts until you can Change.
You pause your process of slowly putting on your star earrings from Yule. You don’t recall much from before the loops, but you do remember being feverishly against Changing your body. Maybe it was because it was the only piece of home that you had still intact, but that quickly changed when you got trapped. You would’ve given anything for something to be different, even if you had felt at the time that Changing was a form of controlled self-mutilation that was okay for other people to do, but not you. Never you.
But it’s been eleven years. You’re safe, and warm, and comfortable, and you’re starting to wonder if Changing might be necessary for you in order for you to stay that way.
A knock at the door draws you out of staring at yourself in the mirror, playing with the length of your hair and wondering if you’ll ever feel like you belong in your own skin.
You let Rob in with a happy smile. It seems to have had a similar idea as you, wearing the same suit from Phantom night with a dark button down instead of a turtleneck, a large coat on top of it all. “How was work today?”
“Good,” it smiles. It’s been doing that more often! “How have you been?”
“Alright. A little excited.”
Roboro grins. “Only a little?”
You just giggle in response and go get your cloak from the closet.
“Does it fit well?”
You pull it over your head with ease, zip the collar, and clasp the snaps. “I think so!”
Rob looks at it thoroughly, checking the seams and the cut.
“It’s comfortable, I promise,” you chuckle.
“Good,” it sighs. “I’m just glad it didn’t trigger you.”
You melt. “No, it’s different enough to avoid that. I really do love it. Thank you.”
A blush begins to form on their cheeks. “You already thanked me over the phone.”
“And I will keep saying ‘thank you’ until I get a ‘you’re welcome’,” you smirk.
Rob pouts. “I thought we agreed that you were the one who had a problem taking compliments.”
“And I thought we recognized that you have the exact same issue,” you snicker.
A breath of a laugh escapes it. “We’re going to be late.”
You narrow your eyes. “Way to deflect. But you’re probably right.”
That earns you a full snort. It holds out its elbow for you to hold. “Be prepared to walk.”
You bounce on your toes through your favorite heels and take it. “Lead the way.”
The winter snow from the last two months hasn’t melted off quite yet, but February brings a new weather-related challenge - sleet. Tiny pellets of ice leave you cold and wet as you trek through the start of a slushy mix of melting snow and freezing ice. You’re both soaked by the time you get to the restaurant, but your good mood remains dry and intact.
“Robert, table for two, eight-thirty?” You stand in the walkway of a tall building with large windows facing the ocean. You can see the bridge in the distance, lit by streetlamps illuminating moving carriages.
The host doesn’t even smile. “Right this way.”
You and Rob share a glance, but shrug it off before following obediently. The place is oddly empty, save for a few tables of couples scattered about. None of them look particularly enthusiastic to be there.
You’re seated in a corner one table away from having a view other than the wall next to you, your coverings hanging off of your seats. You can already see a small frown forming on Roboro’s face as it looks around from its seat.
“Give them a chance,” you whisper with a smile.
It snaps back to reality. “I will,” it whispers back. “It’s just…”
“Not what you were expecting?”
Rob glances around, visibly conflicted. “No, it’s something else. I’m probably overreacting though.” It sighs and looks at the menu. “I hope the food’s good.”
Now that you think about it, the tables with people next to them look rather empty. You take a menu too, and begin to look through it. Something that’s nice about Drew’s is that their menus have the ingredients listed with each meal, but this one doesn’t seem to have that benefit. You scan each title, hoping to recognize something that you know doesn’t have pineapple in it, but no dice. “I think I’m going to have to be that annoying person that asks a million questions about the food,” you chuckle a little awkwardly.
“Don’t worry about it. I told them about your allergy.”
You look up. That’s…that’s really sweet. “You didn’t need to do that,” you insist.
“Yes I did,” it replies with a small smile, not even looking up. “I also told them that we were a dry table, so we should be safe on all fronts.”
Your stomach swirls with guilt while your heart skips a beat. It even made sure there wouldn’t be alcohol for you to potentially consume. You feel your face heat up, and hide the bottom half with your menu. “Thank you…”
It meets your eyes, and gives you a reassuring smile. “Always.”
You could melt into a puddle.
A waiter quietly comes by with a tray and a smile. They pass you waters and-
A short glass holding one large ice cube and a questionable-looking liquid is placed in front of you. “What is…?”
You don’t even finish your sentence; you zone out to the tune of Roboro quietly doing damage control by taking the glasses and insisting they be removed from the table immediately. You come to at the feeling of his hand on yours. “Loop?”
You blink, and exhale. “What…?” You use your free palm to rub your eyes. “What happened?”
“They brought complimentary scotch to the table.” Its tone is livid, furious even, but the worry in its eyes overcomes anything in your brain thinking that it’s angry at you. “Are you here?”
You nod, feeling like a burden. “Yeah, I’m back,” you whisper, keeping your eyes to the table.
Roboro hesitantly brings your knuckles to their lips. “I’m so sorry. That never should’ve happened.”
You’re about to open your mouth to say, “it’s okay, I’m fine, we’re all good,” but it feels like a lie. And you don’t want to lie anymore, especially to Rob. “Thank you,” you manage thickly. “For handling that.”
It simply nods. A tense silence fills the space between you. You open your mouth to say something when Rob beats you to it: “Do you want to get out of here?”
A wave of dread suddenly hits you. You ruined it you ruined it you ruined it!!! Your eyes fill with tears. “…does the date have to be over?”
“Not unless you want it to be.”
You vigorously shake your head, and open your eyes to a smile that makes your knees weak.
“Okay. Drew’s?”
“Drew’s,” you smile back.
The first thing you did when you stepped outside was slip and slide on the ice, scaring the stars out of Roboro and making you laugh for the first time that night. He soon followed suit once he realized you were okay, and the two of you chatted about just how shady that restaurant was the entire walk to Drew’s. You’re soaked and shivering, but you’re smiling again.
You both split long enough to head to the bathrooms and dry your hair with paper towels before meeting up in a booth that’s directly under a vent, heating the entire diner. It’s quiet here too, but that’s probably because it’s nine-thirty and Drew's was almost always empty by eight. You pick up the menu and give a dreamy sigh. “Day-long breakfast, my love~!”
Roboro just chuckles. “Honestly, breakfast sounds so good right now.”
“Decaf coffee?”
It removes its blazer and sets it on top of its coat, unbuttoning the first few buttons of its shirt. “Agreed.”
You smile and undo some of your cardigan, letting a shoulder slide off. You roll your arms and try to relax. “…I’m sorry we had to leave.”
Rob shakes his head. “Not your fault. I didn’t like it there the minute we walked inside. I’m sorry I took you somewhere that wasn’t safe.”
You smile. “You didn’t know.”
Their shoulders drop, releasing tension that’s always been there, but you’re not sure if they’re as aware of it as you are. “…I’m still sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you reassure. You reach a hand across the table. “I’m okay.”
Rob takes and squeezes it right as the waitress comes by to pass you waters. “Hi Umeko.”
A lady with dark hair wrapped around a pen and bright, narrow eyes smiles at it. “Evening, Robert,” she says politely. Nimble hands procure a notepad and pen as she looks over at you. “I think I’ve seen you around, but I don’t think we’ve met.”
You shake your head. “I’m Luca. I’ve only been here since September.”
“That’s longer than most folks,” she giggles. “Nice to meet you! You two look like you’re freezing. Can I get you anything to warm you up?”
“Two decaf coffees please,” Rob says.
Leaving the restaurant had been an excellent call after all. Your hot drinks were delivered in minutes, you both ordered, and then you were left to warm your hands and laugh together like nothing happened.
“So,” you start quietly.
“So,” Rob pushes with a little smile.
You take a sip of your heavily-doctored decaf. “I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date before.”
It raises its eyebrows in surprise. “None to your memory, or…?”
You shake your head. “No, I didn’t date before the loops. I was always solo. I think.”
“Huh. I wanna say I went on one post-change, and then a few when I went back to my Vaugarde.”
Your gut sinks. So him and Siffrin were together. “Did anything come of it?”
He shakes his head. “I wasn’t ready.”
…or perhaps not. Maybe there was an attempt in there somewhere. “…can I ask?”
Rob meets your eyes and registers where your head is going with this. “It wasn’t Siffrin.”
You slowly nod. “Did you want to?”
It cups its hands around its mug, warming itself up while it stares down at its drink. “I was tempted, but I was too different. The crush came back a bit before the plague, but…”
Ah. “Sorry,” you try to say. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
“No, no, it’s a valid concern. I did say I was afraid of replacing my family. That includes you.”
You breathe, and nod. “I don’t know if I’ve ever had anything like that,” you admit. “Like…this.”
A flush overcomes your cheeks when you notice a twinkle in its eye and the smallest smirk growing on its lips. “And what would that be?”
The heat growing on your face makes you stutter. “I-I don’t know! We haven’t really talked about it.”
Rob hums. “Well. I’ve liked you for awhile. The timing was just off.”
You nod in agreement. “We’ve had a lot going on.”
It visibly ponders for a moment. “I don’t know if I want to jump straight into partner territory.”
Your heart aches. You didn’t realize just how much you do want that. “I don’t think rushing into anything is a good idea,” you say cautiously, sipping your coffee, “but…”
Rob looks up. “But?”
You sigh. “I don’t know. I mean, I know what I want, but I don’t want to mess this up.”
They give you a smile that makes you melt on the spot, and hold out their hands for you to take. “What do you want, then?”
You oblige. Rob’s palms warm yours up, its thumb stroking your knuckles. “Dating feels too little. We’ve only known each other since September, but we already do things that some couples take months to do. But it feels too much to put a label on it since we’re just now figuring this out.”
It seems to nod in understanding. “I think I get that. What about…something in between?”
You cock your head.
“More than dating, but not partners yet.”
Yet!!! Your heart bounces off of your rib cage. You feel giddy. “Something like that.”
Roboro’s shoulders relax as it smiles a little wider. “Okay then. Almost-partners.”
You grin. "Almost-partners," you agree.
The rest of the night was perfect. Breakfast for dinner was comforting, the conversation flowed until your voice went hoarse, and the walk back to your house was cold but thankfully dry. You stay glued to the hook of Roboro’s elbow as you both chatter all the way home.
You stop at your front door, the porch light still on just as you left it. “Thank you,” you say with a sore throat. “Tonight was fun.”
Rob’s been smiling for the past hour. “It was. Started rough, but we got there.”
You recall how you first met. “Sounds familiar,” you giggle. Rob snickers along. “…you need to go to bed.”
“I do,” it sighs. “I won’t see you Monday, but I could stop by after your shift on Wednesday? Maybe walk you home?”
Your heart flutters. “I’d like that.” You want to kiss him so badly, but it’s too soon, and the thought of a repeat of what Stardust did to Isabeau makes your stomach curl. So, recalling your last sleepover in the other house, you take Rob’s hand and carefully part the fabric to place your lips on his pulse.
Roboro, to your utter delight, very quietly squeaks.
You look up to been its gaze. You can feel your star pounding in your chest. “See you Wednesday?”
Its cheeks visibly go ablaze. “Y-Yep. G’night, Loop.”
You decide to spare it from further humiliation and let its hand down. “Goodnight, Roboro.”
It tries - and fails - to hide an involuntary smile. You’re about to turn to go inside when Rob gently takes your shoulder. “C-Can I…um…”
Oh, he’s so cute when he gets all flustered like this. You smirk, and hold up your hand. “Like this?”
Its smile only grows as it takes your wrist and replicates your kiss. Your thighs shake when a rush of heat hits your lower gut. It lingers there for a moment before letting you go. “…goodnight,” it repeats.
Your face feels as hot as Roboro’s cheeks look. You don’t want it to go. “Gnight,” you grin.
You watch Rob walk down the steps and head towards the town, a bounce in their pace that you don’t think you’ve seen before, before they start to jog. They look as giddy as you feel.
Stepping inside your home, and try to breathe.
You can’t stop smiling as you get ready for bed.
You’re obnoxious, really. Singing songs in the shower and humming to yourself as you brush out your hair makes you feel like you’re in a dream. You float to your closet and pull your nightgown on, kiss all of your cats goodnight whether they like it or not, and turn out the lights in your room, save for a standing lamp in the corner. You thought you’d be too excited to sleep, but your combined meds and the late night overcomes you quickly.
You’re not sure when you found yourself sitting up in bed.
Roboro’s at the doorway, only wearing a pair of pajama pants, with a hunger in its eyes and something in its hand. “Are you sure you want this?”
Your vision moves to nod enthusiastically, like you’re seeing through the eyes of a doll. Are you dreaming?
His smile feels real. Rob sets a small bottle of oil on the side table and uses the dropper to coat his hands. “Where should I start?”
“Shoulders,” you say automatically.
Rob doesn’t hesitate to silently direct you to stand up and sit on his lap. The movement of its fingers easing the aches of your shoulders turns your body into jello.
You close your eyes. A quiet moan escapes you against your better judgment. You hear it chuckle in your hair.
“Enjoying yourself?”
You’re about to respond when you gasp at the feeling of it kissing your neck.
“Tell me when to stop.”
You don’t think you will, actually~!
Rob’s fingers pause to unbutton your nightgown enough to reveal your breasts. You shudder and arch into its touch as it massages them gently, its thumbs circling your nipples. An actual moan echos throughout the room when Rob sinks its teeth into your neck. You can feel it getting hard beneath you.
You want them. You want them so badly that your core pulses and your thighs are rubbing together and Roboro’s fingers are traveling downwards to give you some release and-
You bolt awake.
It’s cold. Stars, it’s cold!!! You whip the sheets off of you and rush downstairs to turn on the heat. You check on the cats, still half-asleep, and find them bundled up with each other in a furry pile by the vent on the floor. Jupiter audibly purrs when she hears the heater click on. You frown, and kiss each one of them in apology.
And then you assess what the hell just happened.
You can’t recall ever having a wet dream, at least not one that intense. You go back upstairs - oh your legs are shaking, that’s embarrassing~! - and crawl into your now-cold bed.
…you feel conflicted.
On one hand, you should feel disgusting, callous, manipulative. You should be writhing in agony about how you’re tricking Roboro into a relationship, but that’s just not true. Your brain can’t convince you that you’re unwanted. You don’t think that you’ve never felt more wanted.
You close your eyes, think about the dream you were having, and slowly lift up your skirt.
You’ve never been interested in sex, never had a high libido, never masturbated regularly. When was the last time you did? It’s been…oh, Universe, was it before the loops?
It must’ve been, because when you reach down to touch yourself, you find that your folds are soaked. You feel gross for just a second before reminding yourself that it’s natural, trying to focus back in on your dream. Roboro’s hands groping you felt so warm, so real, so grounding. How would you change it up? Would you want to?
Yes, you decide. You’d want to get up and straddle it properly and kiss it so hard that your teeth clacked. You gasp at the feeling of your wet fingers stroking your…what was it called? Ah, that’s right, your clitoris. Sometimes touching it feels like nothing, but that isn’t what’s happening tonight. Little gasps are involuntarily breaking free through your breath. They turn into whimpers when you find a rhythm, imagining how you’d grab Rob’s hair at the base of its scalp and pull, the sounds it would make underneath you, how its length would feel through its boxers. Stars, you want to kiss it until you can’t breathe. You want to leave hickeys all over its neck and feel its cock in your hands and guide Roboro's release and stars stars stars blinding shooting stars-
Despite the build-up, your orgasm doesn’t overwhelm you in the slightest. It’s relaxing and gentle and makes your back arch only a little. You feel a little gross, but you brush it off as you take a minute to breathe and bask in the afterglow. Endorphins wash over you in a wave.
You smile to yourself at the thought of the aftermath; maybe Rob would brush your hair, or cuddle you close, or bring you down to the kitchen to make you something sweet. It’s somehow more appealing than the act itself.
It starts to click that that you just masturbated to your almost-partner.
Your self-deprecating brain is furious. You, however, feel like you’ve had a victory, because you don’t feel disgusting, or manipulative, or guilty. You just feel happy. Normal. Alive.
You can’t believe that you could’ve been feeling like this a long time ago should you have chosen to pick a spot and settle down sooner, but then you wouldn’t have met Rob. And you can neither blame yourself for the things that you didn’t know about, nor can you regret how you’ve handled things since coming here. Well, you can regret a couple of things. As a treat.
You clean yourself up before exhaustion takes over once more, and you crawl back into bed to sleep through the rest of the night, a smile on your face.